#Skts is the first one

[madelinetess]

There are ships that work in every possible universe, and that are just so purely meant for eachother

But there are also the ships that I can't imagine working out anywhere else

It's as if some ships are gifts to any universe they appear in, while others were gifted with the most perfect universe just for them.

#Both are equally valid #sakuatsu #Skts is the first one #They fit together no matter what universe they are in #winter falcon #That would be an example of the second one #No matter what au I read #They work best in the canon/MCU #just because... #Symbrock would be the second one #And steddie

[deer-with-a-stick]

There are four things I want now.

1: Cactus ward

2: Multiple stacked hats ward

3: Its Faker's fourth Worlds just give him the Ahri skin and an Unkillable Demon King Azir skin or something

4: Zeus, Guma, and Keria please resign this roster breakup might actually kill me

#lol esports #lol worlds #league of legends #t1 #skt t1 #worlds 2023 #2023 worlds #actually theres one more #and its literally just “make 2022 and 2023 worlds into one or two animes” lmfao #deft is the mc for the first one/half #t1 are all the mc for the second but its from zeus' pov for the extra drama #kingen stomped top and won mvp last year #and this year zeus goes “im going to have a redemption arc that is SO COMPLETE-” #this roster makes me go feral #please stay together

[salad-storm]

More (mostly low effort) sakuatsus

#fun fact these are all poses of my friends or sister #anyways uh. live laugh drunk skts. #these are in the same thing . mind space. as the Really low effort ones lmao #there is a whole thing planned out in my brain with them. #dont know where it came from but here did skts ever come from in the first place #woah rambling in the tags again woops #anywyas.. #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #hq #hq!! #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #sakuatsu #skts #storms art #my art #doodles #stormy in here

[kitas-cleaning-supplies]

and if i said omi sick fic would you guys get tired of my bullshit??

#wait i think i only ever posted 1 sick fic but i need it known i have Multiple #they are all skts bc of who i am but this one is more platonic... #ahhh too many ideas i need to stop and finish some first </3 #haikyuu #sakusa kiyoomi #maz rambles

[lckboys]

in less than an hour edg vs drx will happen...i can’t even process this

my very first esports tournament that i watched happened by complete chance and it was msi 2015

i had no idea who these people were, who was “faker” and why these people kept repeating how he’s the best player in the world, who “deft” and “edg” are and the narrative that was simultaneously being told and written in real time, i had no idea that i accidentally witnessed a finals that made history

it was both exciting and confusing, just pure and raw genuine emotion

it’s been a long time since msi 2015 and i’ve gone through many teams, i’ve became a fan of many players but i won’t ever forget edg deft

and now we’ve gone full circle in an absolute twisted way so this is a long winded text post to say that quarterfinals teaser video hurt me and i am not emotionally prepared for what will unfold starting in the next half hour

#i basically went to the league website to download the game for the first time and saw msi advertised on the front #it was live at the time so i decided to watch it instead and was the semifinals match #i knew nothing about the game but if there's one thing i'm good at it's knowing nothing about something and getting into it anyways #because i am an ambitious and simple person i simply decided to adopt all the main region teams that showed up at 2015 msi as my fav #lucky or unlucky for me tsm was already eliminated by the time i tuned in so i was never a tsm fan #2015 fnc edg skt i was insane except it was really hard to keep up with lpl at the time so i only cheered for edg during internationals #i could talk about my esports timeline some other day but just know that this matchup hurts me so bad

[kanmom51]

JK's birthday 2019

Let's talk about JK's birthday in 2019.

I know it's a long time ago, but I got to thinking about it again and it just filled me with joy. And who am I to deprive you guys of some delusional joy as well? Right?

So, I think I am actually going to start from the end on this one.

JM flying half way across the world, from Paris...

to be with JK on his birthday only to have to fly out the next morning to Hawaii with Sungwoon.

And he does this all by surprising JK, who was not expecting him to be there with him, as he knew JM was in Paris, sly JM even sending him a kind of generic happy birthday message from Paris. You know, making sure JK KNOWS that he is still there on the streets of Paris all while JM was already on his way to be with him.

JM loved to tell us all about it in his Riad live (you know, the one he also told us how happy he was with the surprise birthday celebration JK arranged for him during their concert there, oh and the same one we got him eying his "manager").

There is a link to the live itself in my post as well.

And here you will find screenshots of JM telling the story:

He was so damn proud of himself.

And rightfully so.

He made JK's day.

Brought him this very special gift too:

Yeah, let's hear how this wasn't planned why don't we?

Anyways...

Moving on.

Or perhaps moving back would be the proper way of putting it.

All of this happened on JK's birthday itself at night time (JM tells us he arrived back in SK 8-9 pm). But see, JK started off his birthday for us.

Wait. Was it for us? Or more so, was it only for us? Or was it perhaps also meant for that one person that wasn't there on that day. The one person that was in Paris, and whom JK believed was not going to be spending his birthday with him. The one person that flew half way across the world to surprise JK, and he sure did.

I know at this point I could be considered to be reaching a little bit, but hear me out here. Yes, JK was sending Army a message (well a few of them as you will see), but I do think that within those messages (this is something that those two are so good at), he was also sending another message, and it wasn't just for us. Although you could argue that in a sense it was also for us (letting us know who was on his mind at that point in time).

So here we go.

JK posts on Weverse on the eve of his birthday. This is just after midnight, specifically at 00:22 or 12:22 am KST.

This one is clearly for Army (not the one who declares himself to be Army).

Following that, JK moves on to Twitter, where he tweets twice exactly 40 minutes later. 2 tweets, one minute apart from each other.

First tweet at 1:03 am SKT:

Let's look at the numbers first before we move on to bigger and better things.

1:03 am 1.9

Just looking at those numbers we can get:

13-10 (1+9)

If we look at the date as 1.9.19 then we have the 13-10 and 1-9 as well. Go figure.

On purpose?

Who knows... maybe if we look into it a little further we will have more facts that can show us either way.

The caption on JK's first tweet.

Could definitley be meant, once again, for us. Even though he already thanks us for making him happy. But what if this time it wasn't meant specifically for us. I mean, he already thanked us in a long message only 40 minutes earlier. What if the earlier one was for us, and this one here, with the timing of the posting, was meant for a special someone else, who happened to be far away from him.

Perhaps his choice to split his posts, his thanks, was because they were meant for 2 different recipients? Perhaps, this was just like him splitting up his White day live in 2023 into 4 segments. Each one of those segments with a clear purpose and you could also say a specific audience (at least for one of those 4 the intended audience was not us).

Yeah, I know, call me deluded. Call me crazy and call me whatever, but you know, I really don't think it's that far fetched.

And even more so when within a minute he tweets again. This time he uploads his gift - a snippet of his song Decalcomania.

Captioned: "This... Please look forward to it".

{Side note, we still are even though we will never get the full song seeing that he had deleted it.}

Are you seeing what I'm seeing here?

Like seriously, how can we miss this? And nope, you can't make up this shit either.

Time stamp on clip:

1: 18 min.

The song is clearly cut off at that time stamp.

This is not a coincidence. Seriously, enough is enough with that excuse. The recurring use of these numbers. 118, Nov 8, again and again and again. Before and after.

This is a clear message JK is sending again

and again

and again

and again

And lest forget a couple of his latest 8:11's

and

And here we have JK, on his birthday, following his tweet only one minute earlier thanking "you" for making him happy. Who he means by "you", well that I'm sure many will assume is his fans. At this point, seeing what came before and definitely what came after, I am easily convinced that it wasn't necessarily that "you", but the "you" that was about to surprise the shit out of him later that day.

So yeah, I'm finding it hard to conclude this is all a coincidence, seeing JM himself told us it's not...

As for Decalcomania. Well, that one requires a post all of it's own.

One more thing before I go.

JK's 2019 birthday was a big one. It happened when the band were on break. When JM was using this time to travel with friends (not that they didn't spend time together, JK basically tells us that in BV4). A time with a couple of yucky dating rumors. A time of self reflection. This was a break where JK had his hand tattoos done, and surprisingly (NOT) added that very 'inconspicuous' J just above the M after his birthday.

So yeah, this here my friends, is a hill, or even more so a mountain, that I am climbing up and are pretty confidently willing to die on...

#Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jungkook #Jimin #JK #JM #JK birthday #JK birthday 2019 #jikook numbers #jikook 8:11 #Jikook 11:8 #Jikook 8 November

[meleth03]

do you have haikyuu fanfic recommendations?

First of all, thanks for the question ❤️ (it’s actually the first one I get, so I’m feeling kinda nervous >.<)

I gotta say, it’s been a while since my Haikyuu era finished, so there might be some new fics I haven’t read but are actually really good. Also you didn’t specify the ship, so I’ll just go with the ones that I absolutely loved and ended up reading more than just a couple times… (this won’t be like a top ten though, cause honestly I wouldn’t know how to classify these masterpieces. They’re all perfect in their own way)

(I’m not sure how to do this, so sorry if I mess up with the links)

Sakuatsu (this is my main ship, so it’s probably gonna be just abt them):

“Play among the stars” by @/buttostuck (https://archiveofourown.org/works/34822336) Words:103,116                 Explicit

“Mechanical Hearts” by @/buttostuck (https://archiveofourown.org/works/35746831) Words:112,070                 Explicit

“The tide will turn” by @/morethanlines (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38313442) Words:80,826                   Explicit

“Three Sheets to the Wind” by @/fairycake (https://archiveofourown.org/works/33166132) Words:117,190                 Mature

“Insert Coin to Play” by @/fairycake (https://archiveofourown.org/works/35492335) Words:178,379                 Explicit

“Stick With You” by @/lettersinpetals (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206239) Words:99,365                   Explicit

“A Liar’s Truth” by @/ internetpistol (orphan_account) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27074200) Words:49,668                   Explicit

“Royal Negotiations” by @/WolfyWordWeaver (https://archiveofourown.org/works/36015190) Words:16,669                   Mature

Alright I think this is it… I mean, there’s a ton more, way shorter than these ones I’ve added, but I feel like these are the ones I would want all skts lover to give a try, cause they’re just *chef’s kiss*.

Again, thanks for the question and I hope I didn’t mess this up too much with the format and all :')

Have a good day ❤️

#sakuatsu #haikyuu!! #hq #haikyuu fanfiction #miya atsumu #sakusa kiyoomi #fanfic reccomendation

[hippodamoi]

A friend said she read Crime & Punishment but wasn't impressed by it. All she recalled was an entitled man killing an old woman and pity party for the murderer's poor tortured soul. This was my response to her, I thought others might enjoy it too.

"It is a staunch criticism, not a pity party. There was this idea of a cosmopolitan man, a Nietzschean übermensch was someone capable of transcending social and moral codes. Prime example being Napoleon, a man without parallel. Them being 'great' would make them invincible to guilt because all actions they took would be something considered beneficial to society - Raskolnikov thought he was one of these men, and by devolving throughout the narrative he realizes he is not one of these "great" men, he is just like any other citizen and there is no excuse for thinking morals and laws don't apply to you. It's a direct message to the students and academic men of the time. The old woman is a horrible loanshark and abuses the woman she lives with, her niece, and he tries to convince himself that killing her would be excusable since he considers her a cancer on society. But he also ends up killing the niece to cover up his crime as she returns and witnesses it - removing even that sliver of argument or defense for his actions. He hoped to 'serve humanity' by eradicating the mean-spirited moneylender, but also had the utilitarian idea that he would steal her money and use said money to further his education, so that he could become a great man and have positive influence and help more people. The whole murder has the spirit of a psychological experiment which fits the theme and craft of the novel. Raskolnikov has delusions of godhood and this is after Dostovyevsky has been in a gulag for 10+ years, so he knows that the young think themselves immortal and anointed, a common misconception of the youth in western education at the time and even to this day,

After killing her he realizes just how much he is not beyond good and evil. Something he previously thought was petty, something for plebians.

It has three dimensions, his biography, his christian faith (there's several references to the bible and lazarus who he symbolizes) and criticism/exploration of philosophical ideas. Its a direct response to utopian socialism and rational nihilism. He even foresaw many of the horrors of the russian revolution.

The epilogue is not just redemption, but sanctification. Raskolnikov has become a saint. Russian religion at the time was very orthodox and process-oriented, so we follow the steps of his redemption in the narrative. He confessed his sin out of weakness instead of strength, his transformation from the snivelling arrogant youth to a saint is not verbal, its a lived out experience and process. even the title in russian refers to the carrying of a cross, the very first scene is him crossing a bridge from the dirty streets of Skt. Petersburg to fresh clean air of the pastoral. Both foreshadowing and commentary on the squalor most of the citizens live in. as well as the moral degradation of the cosmopolitan cities. Skt. Petersburg was usually described as extravagant and beautiful in literature, while he describes it as smelly, dirty and sort of a wasteland - a hell, you might say.

There's also this dominating motif of christian authenticity that is typical of russian lit. A christian heart will react in a christian way - meaning it will recognize good and evil in a way that a rationally educated mind does not. (especially in reference to that horrible scene with the horse)

Raskolnikov is described as a misanthrope, and alienated from both religion and other people, leading him to commit same sin as Cain, not killing his brother per se, but a fellow human being. that very act transforms him. something in him dies with the moneylender - his common humanity.

out of that death comes a different life, drawing parallel to Lazarus as I mentioned before. It's like a whole hermeneutic event, his return to common humanity starts with Sonia telling him the very story of Lazarus. anyway, enough of me writing novels about novels! It's so convoluted and deep and I genuinely love it. Its a prime example of literature being an educating, moralizing element capable of engendering empathy and inspiring positive social progress."

#the chorus speaks #crime and punishment #raskolnikov #literature

[yoga-onion]

The Quest for Buddhism (119)

Buddhist cosmology

Samatha and Vipassana meditations - the relationship

Gautama Buddha said to have identified two paramount mental qualities that arise from wholesome meditative practice are samatha (stillness: Ref) and vippasana (insight: Ref2).

It is the work of the still mind (samatha) that becomes wisdom (vipassana). Thus, it is to observe things correctly in accordance with the truth.

Thus, "stopping (samatha)" refers to meditation (jhana: Ref3), and "seeing (vipassana)" refers to wisdom (panna). Buddha realised that the root cause of human suffering is lack of clarity, and he allegedly attained enlightenment through contemplation of the twelve causal factors (Ref4) in order and in reverse order.

In the Pali canon, the Buddha never mentions independent samatha and vipassana meditation practices; instead, samatha and vipassana are two "qualities of mind" to be developed through meditation (jhana). When the Pali suttas depict the Buddha telling his disciples to go meditate, they never quote him as saying 'go do vipassana,' but always 'go do jhana.' And they never equate the word "vipassana" with any mindfulness techniques.

[How to]

Practice begins with the preparatory stage, the practice of sila, morality, giving up worldly thoughts and desires. Morality is a quintessential element of Buddhist practice, and is also emphasised by the first generation of post-war western teachers. Yet, it is noted that in the contemporary mindfulness movement, morality as an element of practice has been mostly discarded, 'mystifying' the origins of mindfulness.

The practitioner then engages in anapanasati (Ref5), mindfulness of breathing, which is described in the Satipatthana Sutta as going into the forest and sitting beneath a tree and then to simply watch the breath. If the breath is long, to notice that the breath is long, if the breath is short, to notice that the breath is short.

The practitioner also becomes aware of the perpetual changes involved in breathing, and the arising and passing away of mindfulness. This noticing is accompanied by reflections on causation and other Buddhist teachings, leading to insight into suffering (dukkha), non-self (anatta), and impermanence (anicca). When the three characteristics have been comprehended, reflection subdues, and the process of noticing accelerates, noting phenomena in general, without necessarily naming them.

Some sects point out that the practice of both samatha and vipassana together allows one to achieve various mental powers and higher knowledge (Skt: abhijna, Ref6), including the attainment of Nirvana, whereas the practice of vipassana alone allows for the achievement of Nirvana, but no other mental powers or knowledges.

仏教の探求 (119)

仏教の宇宙論

サマタ瞑想とヴィパッサナー瞑想 〜 その関係性

ゴータマ・ブッダは、健全な瞑想の実践から生まれる最も重要な心の資質として、サマタ (静止: 参照) とヴィッパサナー (洞察力: 参照2) の2つを特定したと言われている。

それは、不動の心(ｻﾏﾀ)が、智慧(ｳﾞｨﾊﾟｯｻﾅ-)のはたらきとなって、事物を真理に即して正しく観察することである。

このように、サマタ(止)とは禅定 (ﾃﾞｨﾔｰﾅ: 参照3) に当たり、ヴィパッサナー(観)とは智慧に相当している。ブッダはサマタ(止)により、人間の苦の根本原因が無明であることを自覚し、十二因縁（参照4）を順逆に観想するヴィパッサナー(観)によって無明を脱したとされる。

パーリ仏典では、ブッダは独立したサマタとヴィパッサナー瞑想の修行について言及せず、代わりにサマタとヴィパッサナーは瞑想を通して開発すべき二つの「心の資質」であると述べている。ブッダが弟子たちに瞑想をするように言うときには、「ヴィパッサナーをしなさい」とは言わず、常に「ジャーナをしなさい」と言っていた。また、「ヴィパッサナー」という言葉をマインドフルネスのテクニックと同一視することはない。

[修行方法]

修行は、まず準備段階として、世俗的な考えや欲望を捨て、シーラ (道徳) を実践することから始まる。道徳は仏教の修行の真髄をなす要素であり、それは戦後の西洋の第一世代の教師たちによっても強調されている。しかし、現代のマインドフルネス運動では、修行の要素としての道徳はほとんど捨て去られ、マインドフルネスの起源を「神秘化」していると指摘されている。

実践者は次に安那般那念 (あんなはんなねん、巴:ｱｰﾅｰﾊﾟｰﾅ･ｻﾃｨ、梵:ｱｰﾅｰﾊﾟｰﾅ･ｽﾑﾘﾃｨ 参照5)、呼吸のマインドフルネスに取り組み、森に行き、木の下に座り、そして単に呼吸を見ることとして念処経 (ねんじょきょう、巴:ｻﾃｨﾊﾟｯﾀｰﾅ･ｽｯﾀ)で記述されている。呼吸が長ければ長いと感じ、短ければ短いと感じる。

修行者はまた、呼吸に伴う絶え間ない変化、そしてマインドフルネスの発生と消滅に気づくようになる。この気づきは、因果関係や他の仏教の教えについての考察を伴い、苦 (梵･巴: ﾄﾞｩｯｶ)、無我 (むが、巴: ｱﾅｯﾀｰ、梵: ｱﾅｰﾄﾏﾝ)、無常 (むじょう、巴: ｱﾆｯﾁｬ、梵: ｱﾆﾄﾔ) を洞察することにつながる。この3つの性質が理解できたとき、反省は収まり、気づきのプロセスが加速され、必ずしも特定せずとも全般的な現象に注目するようになる。

宗派によっては、サマタとヴィパッサナーを一緒に修行すると、涅槃 (ねはん、梵: ﾆﾙｳﾞｧｰﾅ) の達成を含むさまざまな精神力と智慧 (巴:アビニャー 参照6) が得られるが、ヴィパッサナーのみの修行では、涅槃の達成はできるが他の精神力と知識は得られないと指摘されている。

#buddhism #buddhist cosmology #samatha #vippasana #meditation #jhana #buddhist meditation #cessation #insights #mindfulness #zen #philosophy #nature #art

[miiracleboys]

fic recs 11

look at my recs boy

(if you’re wondering if i want you to) i want you to by dillpicklechipsenthusiast | Unrated but i’d say T | 5.3K

sunaosa. ginjima finds a google form encouraging people to vote for their favorite miya twin, and osamu gets a submission he doesn’t expect. sunaosa are capital-W-Whipped.

what a drag by transrightssokka | T | 22K

sunaosa. osamu works at a coffee shop, and suna works as a drag queen. osamu has somehow missed this part. idiots to lovers, chef’s fucking KISS babey! by @/transrightsyamaguchi :D

something of a disaster by latenights | T | 1.4K

matsuhana celebrate matsukawa’s birthday on his porch. the embodiment of the surge of affection you feel when someone you love does something weird.

Hoshiumi’s Guide to TikTok Etiquette by whisperingmidnight | T | 1K

hoshiumi decides to get in on a trend and stir the pot a little. short and silly :]

A Fool for You by thesweetestnerd | E | 6K

sunakomo. suna accidentally works himself into a panic over asking komori out, but he’s being so chill about it, man. don’t even worry about it. i love it when They.

the unbeaten road by pageleaf | T | 5.9K

ushiiwaoi star trek au, from first meeting in the academy to following each other through the stars and everything between. i am not immune to star trek aus or major relationship progression or well-done nonchronological formatting or—

strings attached by crocodile | E | 23.5K

ushisakuatsu. sakusa and ushijima just kind of click, and when atsumu gets himself tangled up into a friends-with-benefits relationship with them, he starts to wonder if there’s a way he can click too. HOLDS THIS FIC UP LIKE RAFIKI AND SIMBA.

The Many Assumptions of the Number 12 Household, Definitely Not Through the Eyes of Their Nosy Neighbors by awkwardedgeworth | T | 4.3K

bokuaka move into a small neighborhood with their son and accidentally become the center of gossip. the neighbors are not entirely convinced that akaashi’s husband isn’t a yakuza member. i am SUCH a sucker for outside pov and misunderstandings played for comedy and this fic delivers so well.

spit it out by solyn | T | 15.5K

iwaoi. after their loss to karasuno, iwaizumi tries (and fails) many times to confess to his best friend. WROW.

all’s well that ends well to end up with you by OverTheMoonShine | G | 4K

bokuaka soulmate au but a little to the left. akaashi doesn’t put much faith in soulmates, and bokuto doesn’t mind one bit. soulmates aren’t born—they’re made. OUGHOGUHOUGH

count your blessings by OverTheMoonShine | G | 6K

bokuaka. akaashi goes to suzumeoka and runs into fukuroudani’s ace anyway. and then keeps running into him. one-sided rivals to friends to lovers, feat. discovering the difference between obligation and passion. froths at the mouth and DIES.

CookingWithHoot ぶーぶーちう料理 has updated by awkwardedgeworth | T | 6.9K

bokuaka. akaashi runs a cooking channel on youtube, and the internet gets curious about his mysterious husband. this is so cute and akaashi keiji wins the award for being the funniest bitch alive.

D.T.R. (Define the Relationship) by meeksoo | E | 4.2K

sakuatsu are friends with benefits; komori has some doubts. hhholy shit. skts r such odd dudes and they mean the world to me. this particular dynamic scratches a deep-seated itch somewhere in my brain.

#haikyuu!! #sunaosa #matsuhana #bokuaka #sunakomo #ushiiwaoi #ushisakuatsu #iwaoi #sakuatsu #riko.txt #fic rec #akaashi keiji #miya osamu #miya atsumu #hoshiumi kourai #suna rintarou #iwaizumi hajime

[bakubaji]

threadfic miya twins character study / sakuatsu 6.7k

miya twins angst, hurt/comfort, loneliness, learning about self worth, skts but mostly a miya twin focus

There’s this thing in most SakuAtsu fics that always gets me, but I never feel like it’s gone into enough, and it’s when there’s a fight/miscommunication between the Miya twins. There’s always some angst and then they get into a fist fight and all is well. But 9 times out of 10 what happens is, it seems like Tsumu is being a whiny brat over something small, he brings it up, they fight, and they settle it like ‘Yep, Tsumu’s just dramatic’, and it always feels like the whole thing boils down to Tsumu being unable to move on, Samu being more mature, and Tsumu ends up kind of being comedic relief for getting so worked up. (Also, half the time, it’s Tsumu being worked up because Samu tells everyone something or whatever, and in the end Suna and Samu are like ‘You’re being a brat lol’ and that’s that). And, without fail, it drives me CRAZY bc it always feels like it never addresses the root issue, so it never feels resolved to me.

PSA: I’m not saying this as like, "These are real people- how dare you ignore their feelings!!" but more like, "You're setting up this character with really valid emotions and reactions, and then failing to carry them through and it falls flat. So, here are my thoughts:

The reason Tsumu gets so worked up when it comes to Samu is because Samu is his Most Important Person. Nothing & no one has ever been, or will ever be, more important to him, and he is fully shameless about it.

It's so obvious, even when they bicker. But Samu, from an outside perspective, but also from people who know him, sees Tsumu as his twin, his brother, but not necessarily his Most Important Person or Thing.

Maybe he was when they were younger, but as they grew up, he sort of moved on. Found other things more important and whatever. This is usually where the issue happens: many fics will see the moving on as part of maturing and "resolve" the issue by implying that the solution is that Atsumu needs to move on, and then Omi comes in, etc., etc., everything's good! But that never seems right to me.

I need Samu to be confronted about the fact that Tsumu has always loved him before anything, has always put him first, and yet he, time after time, doesn't do the same.

He tells Suna about quitting volleyball first, he sees Suna more than he sees Tsumu, he doesn't tell him they're dating. And he and Suna- who's known them for a long, long time, who knows how Tsumu is- will regularly poke fun at Tsumu for being dramatic, whiny, overly sensitive, and it hurts Tsumu to know that the two people he's known the longest- including the one person who's supposed to be his other half, who's supposed to always be by his side and always have his back- never try to understand him.

They never seem to care about him as much as they care about each other. And worse than that, they make him feel like something's wrong with him for caring about them the way he does. Like he's too much, too immature, too clingy, and they tease and mock and belittle, knowing exactly where Atsumu's most vulnerable. Crossing all the lines of ‘too far’ and then, instead of apologizing, they laugh it off and tell him to grow up.

And everyone seems to agree.

Just once, JUST ONCE, I want Atsumu to have enough.

I want him to realize that he doesn't deserve that. That nothing's wrong with the way he loves, and the way he needs love.

I want an Atsumu who realizes he's giving himself up over and over just to be ridiculed.

And sure, Samu checks on him when he's sick, and Suna invites him to drink after they play against each other, and eventually they even ask Tsumu to officiate their wedding so they don't have to fight over him, but that's not what Tsumu wanted.

Tsumu wanted to be Samu's best man, the way they'd always planned since they first found out what marriage was. And if, or when, Tsumu ever got married, he'd ask Samu to be his. But it was supposed to go both ways. And Samu was supposed to call when good things happened too (like Suna asking him on a first date, or the loan for the restaurant being approved), or even bad things, not just out of a sense of obligation to make sure Tsumu was okay. And Suna was supposed to invite Tsumu out whenever he was nearby, the way Tsumu did, not just drop a time and place as their teams lined up to shake hands.

Tsumu is always treated like the Least Important Person, and eventually he has to recognize it's not good, it's not fair or healthy or right, and he owes it to himself to stop, because losing his Most Important Person is less painful than what he has right now (at least he hopes). So he starts treating Samu and Suna the way they treat him.

He answers calls (most of the time) but rarely calls first.

He doesn't send pictures of things that remind him of them anymore.

He doesn't send "I miss you" or "Love you" anymore, because they always laugh and brush him off.

He visits the restaurant if the team is in town, but he stops taking the train over on weekends just to say hi

When something big happens, he goes home alone and puts his head between his knees and breathes, because he ‘won't call Samu.’ He won't. Because Samu wouldn't. And it's hard. God, it's so, so hard, and it hurts more than he'd thought. They'd say he was being dramatic, they'd tell him to grow up, get over it. But the way neither of them even seem to notice makes him realize it was the right thing to do.

It's also hard because now Tsumu struggles a bit (a lot) to let people in. Maybe it's not that deep, maybe it's not that big a deal, but if his twin thought he was too much, didn't even care all that much about him in the end, despite the fact that Tsumu would do anything in the world for him, then who the hell would do otherwise? His twin brother and their oldest friend didn't stick around, so Tsumu doesn't really believe anyone actually will.

He becomes closer with his teammates, slowly: Bokuto loves a lot like him- giving all of himself to everyone he cares for- and even with a boyfriend, he still makes so much time for Atsumu, still meets him where he's at, treats him how Tsumu always wanted someone to. Shoyo and Omi become good friends too, through trial and error. Shouyou is easier: Tsumu knows not to expect the same kind of attentiveness from him- he's kind of flighty and distractible, which isn't bad at all. He's so genuine and good regardless.

Omi takes longer, given their sort of warring personalities, but in the end he sees Atsumu as he is, and never asks him to change. He never asks more (or less) from him. Never makes Tsumu feel like he's wrong. In his own ways, Omi pours himself into their friendship wholeheartedly, and the same way he recognizes Atsumu's ways of showing it, Tsumu sees that Omi is doing the same. For once, Tsumu doesn't feel like his care is unwanted.

But even so, new friends (or maybe more?) can only do so much. It's harder and harder to admit it now that he's proven to himself that he wasn't the one in the wrong, but he misses his brother, misses his oldest friend, and he knows they don't miss him. And it's embarrassing, it's shameful, to know that, despite everything, he would still do anything for them because that's just who he is, who he's always been. No matter what, Samu will still be his Most Important Person, and Tsumu can't do anything about it.

They still see each other, sometimes, and Tsumu breathes in each moment like he's been starved for air. He tries not to let it show, just how much he misses them, how happy he is to see them, even if it's not the same. Hell, they're probably happier to see him now than ever before, mentioning how much he's grown up lately, how much better he's doing now that he's not so dependent on them, on Samu. And it hurts infinitely more to hear, to know that they prefer this censored version of him to the real one. The one who was unashamed of how much he loved them, how much they meant to him.

It takes a while for him to heal from that, actually. His new friends help. Omi helps a lot. Bo helps the most- he's the first person Tsumu ever tells about it all, and he's the only one who he trusts to understand. Even then, there's no one who can really share the feeling. Even Bokuto can only speak about friends, his two sisters much older. It's different from a twin, and he knows that. So, to an extent, he has to go it alone.

That's the worst part. Tsumu always believed that being born a twin meant you were never supposed to be alone, not truly. How could you be born part of a perfect matching set only to end up on your own? It felt wrong, it always had. That was why Samu had always been the world to him. For Tsumu, being Samu's brother was as intrinsically part of him as his hands, his eyes, his legs; there was no way to remove that part of himself, not without far too much pain. So he remained Samu's brother, even if it was only in his heart, buried deep so it couldn't be used against him. It was a secret treasure just for him, one that hurt to hold onto, but would hurt much more to lose.

Everything kind of goes to shit eventually, when after a year or two, Omi proposes after they win the Olympics. It was on international television. It made headlines. The sports channel and gossip rags were talking about the same thing for once.

And then Osamu called.

Tsumu almost didn't answer.

He was so happy and he wanted to share it with Samu, but he wanted to hoard it to himself more. But Omi left him alone with a look that said 'answer it,' so he did.

It was silent on the line when he answered, and Tsumu didn't say anything to break it. It was Samu who spoke first.

"Yer gettin' married?"

It took a moment to respond. Samu's voice took him by surprise, how quiet and shaky it was. "Yeah," he said. "Eventually."

"I didn't know the two of ya were together."

Tsumu could've laughed at the irony of it if it didn't sting to hear.

"Never came up, I guess."

"I- Yeah. Guess not. Not much does, these days, it seems."

Atsumu pressed a hand to his mouth and stared at the door Omi had left through, pushing down the urge to scream or maybe cry. It had been two or so years since he'd left, and Samu had never even noticed the difference until now.

"What happened?" Samu asked, voice shaking that way it did when he refused to cry. "What happened to us, Tsumu?"

Atsumu took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. "Samu, if you don't know, it's not gonna matter."

He wasn't trying to be obtuse. He didn't want to guilt Samu into anything. But if Samu couldn't tell that he'd caused this, that he'd always been the one to push that distance further and further... If he couldn't see that much, Tsumu didn't know if he could fix it.

He couldn't do it on his own. He couldn't put himself through that again, not after he'd put this much work in to help himself.

"I don't- I don't know. I don't know why ya wouldn't tell me. I thought we told each other things like this."

Tsumu's laugh was harsh. "Ya can't be serious."

"What’d'ya mean? I'm dead serious, Tsumu."

"After Suna? Ya think ya have any right to say that?"

"What-I- that was different, Tsum. Ya found out eventually, and not because I got proposed to on live television."

"'Cause it was so much better walkin' in on the two of ya fuckin' after ya told me ya couldn't come visit 'cause ya got caught up at work!"

"And I told ya I was sorry! I didn't think ya were gonna come over, ya lived two cities away!"

"And I wanted to see ya!" Atsumu yelled. "I wanted to see my brother, was that so bad?!"

Of course that wouldn't have occurred to Samu, Tsumu thought, because he wouldn't have done the same. Samu only came when Tsumu invited him. At the very least he'd call ahead. He never surprised him. He didn't go out of his way because he wanted to see Tsumu.

"It doesn't matter," Atsumu said, sucking in a deep breath. "I already told ya. Look I- I don't wanna do this. At all. Right now. I just- I just got engaged, Samu. I just won the Olympics. You've had forever to do this, why'd'ya hafta do it now?"

Samu was silent for a long time. "Is it so bad? Did I do somethin' so bad to ya?"

"Samu, please, not- not now."

"Ya can't even tell me? I'm your brother, Tsumu, we can't just-"

"Brothers?” Atsumu laughed. It came out like a sob. "Samu, when was the last time you acted like a brother to me?"

"I- what?"

"Samu, when- God, I don't wanna do this right now. Fuck." He wished he could go back just five minutes and not answer the call. Hold onto Omi instead.

"Do ya even know when I realized ya were tearin' me apart?" Atsumu asked, throwing an arm over his face. "It's been two years now, and ya just now noticed. You and Rin just- the two of ya- ya don't even know how much ya hurt me. Ya didn't even care."

"H-hurt ya? Tsumu, what're ya talkin' about? What's Rin gotta do with this?"

"Look, I don't- I just- do we hafta do this now?"

"Yes we hafta do it now!" Samu spit. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"God, I just- fuck, Samu, I couldn't stand it anymore! You know I love ya more than anythin'. Do you know how it was for me? Always 'Tsumu's too much', 'Tsumu's being dramatic', 'Tsumu's too clingy'. I just cared about ya! But it was too much for ya. Both of ya. I thought, for so long, that somethin' was wrong with me. I thought 'even my own brother thinks it's too much, the way I love people'. Do you know how long it took for me to realize it was okay? That there wasn't somethin' wrong with me?

"Everythin' I did, everythin' I am was too much for ya. Too much for Rin. And ya couldn't even just- just pretend, or even tolerate it. Ya made- ya made me feel so bad. All the time. And ya never once- never made me feel like ya gave a shit about me.

"Yer my twin, that- to me, that means everythin', Samu. It means everythin' to me. You mean everythin' to me, and it- it hurts so bad, knowin' ya don't care, knowing I'm not the person you wanna tell things to, the person that ya rely on. God, to you I'm just- what? A burden? Just the person ya ended up stuck with? Did ya ever want me around or was I just there?

"‘Cause I always wanted you around. I wanna tell ya everythin', good or bad, big or small. Yer the one I've always- always relied on. I always told ya everythin'. And ya know what you did? Ya went and told Rin. Anythin' I told ya, secret or not, ya went and told Rin. And when you had somethin' to share, who did ya go to? Rin. Always Rin, never me. "Ya never cared that some things I only wanted you to know. Ya never cared that I wanted to be there to cheer you on or support ya. Ya never- I was never important to ya, not like you are to me. And that's- there's nothin' I can do about that, but I couldn't keep puttin' myself through it. So ya don't get to call after all this time and say I owe ya anythin' because we're 'brothers’. Ya lost that right, Samu."

Tsumu broke off, only vaguely realizing he'd ended up yelling. He was breathing heavy, eyes stinging, throat tight. This wasn't how he'd wanted his night to go. He should've been spending time with Omi, thinking about a ring since Omi had proposed with a medal.

He could hear Samu breathing over the phone, ragged and uneven, hitching with nearly silent sobs.

"D'ya see, Samu?" Atsumu whispered. "It's not- I can't fix this. I spent- I spent so long chasin' you. So long pretendin'. I won't do that to myself again, Samu. It hurt too much."

"I didn't-" Samu sounded broken. "I didn't know. I didn't mean to-"

"I know," Tsumu interrupted. "I know ya didn't, but that doesn't mean anythin' to me. I never wanted ya to treat me one way out of pity or guilt. I wanted it because yer my brother, and if ya- if ya cared about me like how I care about you, it wouldn't... It doesn't matter now.

"Look, Samu... I'm not mad at ya. Not anymore. And I still love ya more than anythin', that'll never change. But I got engaged tonight. I won the Olympics. And I don't wanna hurt right now. I just wanna be happy for a night, Samu. Can I have that much from ya, at least?"

Tsumu waited until Samu choked out a fragile ‘yes’, and then hung up and tossed his phone away. That was not what he'd envisioned for tonight. He felt simultaneously drained and like he might burst at the seams.

It took a while for Omi to come back, but when he did, he found Tsumu with his head between his knees, breathless and shaking as he cried.

Omi didn't ask him about anything, he just wrapped him up in his arms and told him he'd done well, and he was proud of him. It didn't ease the pain, but it helped some.

It helped because, even after everything, it was hard for Tsumu to not feel like he'd overreacted.

In his mind, Samu was talking with Suna right now, complaining about how Tsumu always did this, blew up for no reason just to make a fuss. Even after all this time, Atsumu wondered if he was the one in the wrong, the one making a big deal out of nothing, causing Samu problems again.

But Omi was there, holding him, reminding him with his words and his presence that it wasn't Atsumu's fault. That he hadn't done anything wrong by setting his boundaries, by recognizing what his love was worth.

They didn't celebrate that night, or even the next, but eventually they did, and Atsumu was happy even if he'd always pictured that his brother would be there for a moment like this.

Omi asked at one point when Tsumu would want the wedding, but Atsumu just fell silent and Omi understood. Nothing was going to happen yet. Tsumu has given up enough, but he couldn't... he couldn't give that up too. He may not have been Samu's best man, but he still wanted Samu to be his. and that couldn't happen right now, so he couldn't even begin to think about the rest of it. But Omi understood, and he was patient.

Time passed, as it was wont to do, and Tsumu settled again— or at least he would have, but Samu and Suna were acting... weird. It wasn't really anything obvious at first, especially since neither of them ever brought up the phone call, but...

First was Tsumu's mom, who mentioned on their weekly call that Samu had been bothering her like crazy, asking about their high school days and what she remembered about the three of them. Then Kita texted saying ‘Do you know if Osamu is in therapy? it may be a good idea.’ Which in Kita speak meant ‘Your brother's acting weird as fuck, tell him to leave me alone and bother someone who's paid to put up with him.’ Then Samu texted, saying he was going to be in town for a weekend. He'd be really busy, so he was getting a hotel room so he wouldn't disturb Tsumu with his comings and goings, but he had a potential opportunity to open up a new branch and he had to check things out.

“Could we meet?” he'd asked, and Tsumu stared at his phone for a long time, because they'd never been the kind of people who had to ask about things like that. “‘course,” he'd texted, biting his lip. “Lmk when you have time, we'll go out to eat.”

Then Suna called out of the blue after a game that Tsumu had watched on the TV in the living room. "Rin?" Tsumu answered, turning the volume down even though he liked watching post-game commentary. "Ya okay?"

"Did ya watch the game?" Suna asked, no greeting or anything.

"Yeah, just had it on. T'was good."

"It was ratshit," Suna grunted. "They got through half my blocks no problem, and shut me out more than not." Atsumu blinked at the TV screen, playing highlight reels of the game. The game Suna had just called him out of the blue to talk about.

"Wasn't yer best," he admitted slowly, Suna could be a bit prickly about his abilities when he didn't do well. "But ya knew goin' in yer usual tricks wouldn't be the most effective with them. An ace like that is hard to stop, and he happens to be built like a tank. Ya had a lot of good receives in the back row, kept yer team goin'."

Suna hummed, and Tsumu could hear the weary disappointment. "I guess. I just wanted to do better."

"I know ya did." Because Suna always did. Tsumu wondered if maybe Suna had meant to call Samu instead? "But what's done is done, no use workin' yerself up about it. Practice harder, so they can't shut ya out next time."

"I know. I know, yer right, I'm just..."

"I know. You should have Samu make ya some hirata buns. Ya always liked those when we lost."

Suna was quiet for a moment. "Yers are better than yer brother's," he finally grumbled, and Tsumu's cheeks flushed at the unexpected praise. "But yeah. Thanks, Tsum. I gotta go, coach wants to debrief. Thanks for pickin' up.”

Atsumu stared at his phone for a long time after the call ended.

Weird things like that kept happening. Tsumu came home to Omi unboxing a package of individually wrapped onigiri from Samu's shop that he'd found waiting by the door when he got home. Suna kept sending him pictures of the stray cat that kept showing up behind their apartment. Kita texted again asking ‘How have you been, Atsumu?', which made Atsumu's lip start wobbling and Omi called him a crybaby. Even Bo asked him at practice if something had happened with Samu, because apparently Akaashi had gone in to eat and kept having to text Bo questions because Samu kept hounding him about Tsumu; how he was? Was he doing well in practice? Did he have good friends on the team? Was Omi good to him?

Eventually, Samu was in town, and they met up to eat at a Chinese hot pot place between Tsumu's home and Samu's hotel. It was their first time seeing each other in person since before the phone call, and Tsumu was nervous. He'd thought about inviting Omi with him, but Omi had straight up refused. "Call me if you need me," he'd said, with a voice that said he'd be there in a heartbeat, but he told Atsumu this was something he probably had to do on his own. And Samu hadn't brought Suna, which was rare even when Suna was in season, so Tsumu agreed to return the courtesy. Just them, then. Tsumu and Samu, Samu and Tsumu. What a ridiculous thing to be scared of.

In the end, though it was just the two of them, they got enough food for four. it was almost distracting enough to drown out the inescapable awkwardness between them. Almost.

Atsumu didn't want to bring anything up, not when they were having an almost normal meal again, so he let Samu guide the conversation.

Samu told him about the property he'd gone to visit here in the city, a small restaurant that had been a ramen shop before it shut down. Tsumu looked at the pictures he was shown and agreed that it looked like a good place, though Samu would need a refrigerated display. Samu told him that their ma was trying to grow radishes in her window boxes, and Tsumu laughed and pretended that was the first he'd heard of it. Samu explained, staring fixedly at the vegetables floating in the spicy broth, that Suna thought it was best he didn't come this time, so it didn't feel like the two of them were ganging up on Tsumu again when they apologized, and Tsumu-

Tsumu blinked.

"If we came to ya, both of us at once, wouldn't it still feel like it was us versus you?" Samu asked quietly. "I didn't- I didn't tell him everythin' you told me, I swear, but he's always been smarter than us, he put it together since... with everythin' you said the last time, I didn't wanna seem like we were just apologizin' to get over it, ya know? And we thought, maybe, showin' up together might not be the best way to show we heard ya and everythin'."

Tsumu blinked at Samu, who blinked at the sweet potato that bobbed to the surface of the boiling soup.

"Look, Tsumu," Samu said, "I don't know when... when I started treatin' ya so bad. I don't know, and I don't know how I never noticed, or how I never saw when you… when you had enough of it. I never wanted to push ya like that. I never wanted to hurt ya. I know it's too late to say stuff like that, and I know it doesn't really matter, not when it can't change anythin', but it's true. And I'm sorry we made it impossible for you to talk to us. I know you tried to, and we just- just laughed it off. That was... fuck. I'm sorry, Tsumu. I really, really am. And ya don't hafta forgive me for it, not now, or- or ever, if ya don't want to. What we did, what I did- it wasn't fair to you. And more than that, I never should've... yer my brother, Tsumu. I should've been there for ya, I should've been the one you could come to when ya felt like shit or wanted to cry about somethin'. I should've been the person you could tell about yer first day in the big leagues, or yer new friends, or, or gettin' engaged. And- and ya still told me about so much of it, even when I-" he broke off with a frustrated sound. Samu had never been good at talking.

"I betrayed yer trust in me," Samu forced out. "And did it over and over, even when ya kept givin' me more chances." Samu took a deep breath, and he finally looked up to meet Tsumu's eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't keep yer secrets. I'm sorry I didn't listen when you needed me to. I'm sorry I ever made ya feel like you were wrong for trustin' me, for believin' that you deserved someone to be there for ya. You do, Tsumu. You always did, and I'm sorry it wasn't me.

“Most of all," he took a deep breath and started again. "Most of all, I'm sorry I made ya feel like you weren't a brother to me.

"We've always been more different that people think, but I still should've met ya halfway instead of makin' you cover the distance alone every time. I should've known how you are and what you need, the way you always have for me. And Rin- I'm not gonna apologize for him, he'll do that himself, but you always took care of him too. The three of us... we should've all looked out for each other, but you took care of all of us, and Rin and I just- we just looked out for ourselves. I'm sorry, Tsumu. And ya don't hafta let me, but I wanna make it up to ya. I wanna be- I wanna be brothers again, how we used to be. And i'll do the work, i'll go the whole distance, i'll do whatever ya need. You won't be alone in it anymore, I promise ya.

"I just want my big brother back, Tsumu. I miss ya, and I can't do all this without ya."

Atsumu met Samu's gaze, shell shocked at the sudden apology, and neither of them spoke for a long moment. Then suddenly, they both sniffed and tore their eyes away-the kind of in sync move that used to get them "There it is! Twin telepathy!" when they were young.

"Fuck, now I'm cryin' into the soup," Samu grumbled under his breath, wiping at his face roughly with the back of his wrist. "Why'd we hafta do this right now?"

"Hah?! Yer the one who brought it up, what do you mean we?!" Tsumu cried out, wiping his own face with a handful of paper napkins. "This is yer fault, not mine!"

"It's not my fault I had to apologize!" Samu retorted on instinct, and both of them paused. Tsumu sent him a thoroughly unimpressed glare- as much of a glare as he could manage when his eyes wouldn't stop watering.

"Say that again, slowly," Tsumu invited. "Yeah, yeah, I heard it as soon as I said it," Samu grunted, face pink. "Are we gonna keep talkin' about it or can we eat?"

"Well for one, I don't think yer in a place to be makin' demands right now," Tsumu said with as haughty a sniffle as he could manage. “And for two, I get hungry when I cry so food now, talk later."

"I know ya do, that's why I asked in the first place," Samu grumbled, but he swiped a piece of Tsumu's lamb and swished it around in the mala broth, just how Tsumu liked it, before reaching across the table and dropping it in Tsumu's dipping sauce.

It was hardly anything really, but Tsumu stared at it for a while. there were some things, he supposed, that Samu had noticed about him. Had remembered through the years. It didn't absolve him of his wrongs, it didn't fix things, but... it was nice to know, anyway. Tsumu wondered if Samu thought of him when he went out to eat with Suna, the way Tsumu always did; scanning the menu briefly to figure out what his brother would order if he was there.

Did Samu think about him when the first fireflies of the season began to appear, the ones they used to chase around with a glass jar in late summer?

Did he think of him, like Tsumu did, when that song came on the radio- the one their ma would sing out loud while she cleaned the kitchen, Tsumu and Samu watching cartoons in the next room?

Did he think of him, sometimes, when he woke up and there wasn't someone there? A matching set that had climbed under the covers with him when the thunder got too loud?

Even after all this time, so much of Tsumu's world was built by Samu. the smell of fireworks and takoyaki during matsuris, the sailor moon theme song they performed for their grandparents when they were six, the scar on his big toe where Samu nearly bit it off as a baby.

It was impossible to go a day without thinking about him, even if he tried. Samu was ingrained in his very being, always had been. Was he the same to him, tattooed on his soul from start to finish?

They ate in relative silence: Samu bracing himself for what would come next, Tsumu trying. his best to just make sense of things. A long time ago he'd posted on one of those advice forums, hurt and confused and searching for answers. They had come, mostly in the form of "Family or not, a relationship like that is more harm than good. Cut ties, put yourself first!", and some half dozen variations just like it. Tsumu had gotten sick thinking about it. He hadn't deleted the post because it was against the forum rules to delete once people had answered, but he made sure to reply to everyone. ‘You don't know what you're talking about. He's my twin brother.’

Dinner was long, though not as long as it could have been if they'd talked, but Tsumu still didn't really know what to say as they left. He wanted to say something like "It's alright, I forgive you, let's go back to how we were before" but he honestly couldn't really remember- couldn't remember when "before" was. It was hard, actually, to remember the last time Samu hadn't... hadn't scared him, at least a little.

When Tsumu went running up to him with something to say, or when he found himself crying after a bad game, or when he wanted attention just because- he couldn't remember the last time he hadn't gone expecting a weary sigh, an eye roll, a derisive laugh.

So he couldn't say it was okay. But he had a chance to have his brother back, and even if it was a bad decision, even if it meant he was the vulnerable one once again... for Samu, he would do it. He would do it again, with his trust and his hope on full display.

But this time- this time, Samu needed to do it too. Belly up and helpless, knowing the costs of failure. Tsumu wouldn't be the only one, not this time.

"I'll let ya," he finally said, the two of them frozen under some streetlight, hands shoved in their pockets to protect them from showing too much. "You and Rin, if he wants to. I'll let ya make it up to me. I want ya to, Samu, and I mean that. I don't want- this isn't some power play, alright? I'm not tryin' to guilt trip you into doin' whatever I want until I decide yer forgiven. you know I'd do anythin' for ya, even now. So, don't do this ‘cause ya want somethin' from me. I want ya to do this because you miss me too. I want-" it was hard to ask for what he wanted. "I want ya to treat me well, Samu. I want ya to treat me like someone ya want to be around, someone ya actually- actually love. Not someone ya just got stuck with.”

He took a deep breath. "We've always been brothers because that's how we were born. But I choose to be yer brother every day, Samu. I don't regret it, and I'll do it every day until I die. But you have to make that choice now. You have to prove ya want this, that it- that we, that I, am worth that effort for ya. Got it? Because I've had enough of bein' an afterthought, and I- I know now that I deserve more. So I don't really want yer apologies, to be honest, though I appreciate it nonetheless. If ya wanna make it up to me, I want ya to show up for me. I want ya to care about the things I love, to listen to me when I talk, even if ya think it's just a nod along if I'm mad! I want to know that I can go to ya about anythin'. That ya won't judge me, won't laugh at me or put me down, and I'm not- I'm not askin' ya to treat me like a princess or anythin'. I can take a joke, but ya need to know where the line is. And it won't work if I hafta point it out to ya every time. You need to pay attention. You need to care enough that I don't hafta worry about whether or not I'm linin' up to be laughed at. Understand?"

The worry that he was asking too much, making a fuss over nothing, was still incessant in the back of his mind. But he thought about his friends, about Omi, about the way he'd always shown up for Samu and Suna. If it wasn't too much for them, why would it be too much for him?

It still felt dramatic, a bit excessive, but- Samu was nodding fiercely, a determined frown pulling at his lips. "I'll do it," he said, so sure of himself. "You've always done it for us, haven't ya? If you can do it, I can do it."

Tsumu blinked. Scowled. "This isn't a competition, ya scrub! Take it seriously!"

"I'm dead serious!" Samu huffed. "Besides, what have we ever taken more seriously than a competition? All I'm sayin' is, genetically or whatever, there's no reason you should be all good at something that I can't do. So, if you can do it, I can do it. I will. I'm serious, Tsumu. Not to get anythin', not to prove anythin', just- just because, alright? You deserve it, and I miss ya, and I wanna be- I wanna be someone you trust again. I wanna be good to ya."

And it was just words- it was just promises that might or might not be kept, but it was more than Atsumu had ever expected. He was terrified, sure, but this... this meant the world to him, and he was willing to take the risk.

"Alright, alright. Then, that's it then, yeah? We've aired our grievances-"

"You aired your grievances."

"All that's left is puttin' yer money where yer mouth is. And if this is a competition-"

"It is, at least a little bit."

"Then ya should know the stakes."

Atsumu leveled Samu with a steady look. "It better end in a tie. ‘Cause if I come out on top again, I'm not risking a third chance. If I'm the one giving everything again, I'm not going to give any more.”

"Loud and clear," Samu agreed with a nod.

"And if I win, ya never get to bring up me quittin' volleyball around ma ever again.'' It was such a stupid bet, but Tsumu knew better. Samu put the odds in his favor- everything he did would be for Tsumu's benefit, not his own. If he won, all he would gain was Atsumu.

The way he looked at him now, eyes still a little pink around the edges, shoulders tight in that way they got before a fight... that was enough. Atsumu, for once, would be enough.

"Deal," Tsumu finally said, offering an outstretched pinky. Samu locked it with his own, pressed their thumbs together. "Deal."

Things weren't fixed yet, not by a long shot, but for once, Atsumu felt like things might be okay. Maybe in a year, he could plan a wedding. Have his brother as his best man, and his best friend could wipe his ma's tears when she started crying too hard.

It was far away still, but if there was one thing Tsumu knew better than anything, it was his brother, and the look in Samu's eyes said I'll do whatever it takes. Tsumu knew that look because he wore it the same.

To be brothers again, I'll do whatever it takes.

For the first time in his life, Atsumu entered a competition hoping he would lose.

#bakubajific #haikyuu!! #threadfic #long post #miya twins #post timeskip #sunaosa #sakuatsu #hurt/comfort #loneliness #insecurity #fix it fic #sort of #family angst #setting boundaries and making amends #this is not an osamu and suna loving fic #but i do love them dearly #slaps fic: you can fit so many feelings in this bad boy #but most of them are sad

[starrynightarchive]

💥🎁🎬💭

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

nothing tbh. if I do want something to happen differently i would just give my own spin to canon with my writing. but i don't want to like. re-write canon or smth. it's someone else's work that i thoroughly enjoy, that's it. (talking about bsd)

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

kunikidazai be upon ye

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

ooohh good one. I've never thought of this before. the answer that first came to my mind surprised me but it's right: it's the first fic i published. 'the love you gave me remains, that's why im still alive'. it's a skts MCD fic that focuses on grief and healing. i think it would be a beautiful movie. as for the cast,,,,, bro i have no idea. If anyone has suggestions I'd love to hear it

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

my life. the people i love. i am constantly awed by everything and everyone around me. i have developed this habit of turning everything, be it pain, grief, anger, or love, into art. i constantly find beauty in things and that motivates me to create

#vi talks #ask game

[dictearchive]

Hello :)

Was wondering.. if someone did a study of your art style would you like to be tagged?

I did one today of atsumu and was considering posting it, I just wanted to know if it was something you would be interested in?

(Also your art is amazing and I always get so happy when I see your skts and snos <3 )

Hi! Well it’s a first for me omg!! that’s crazy I’m really glad you’d be inspired by my art! And yeah for sure! Just so I can see it ! I dotn really care abt credit too much, but tag me so I can see it I’d love that heh

#ask

[tirralirralirra]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Tagged by @togaki-kun and @pancake-surprise! Thank you for the tag, apologies that I'm so behind, lol.

you're made of memories you bury or live by (haikyuu!! skts, amnesia fic)

My first public fic and something I ruminated on for many, many months. I particularly love some of the side character interactions. Sequel forthcoming, but when...don't ask...

People Will Say We're in Love (haikyuu!!, skts, meta on fandom, love and other twitter disasters)

Is this my most read/liked/kudos/bookmarked fic. Yes. Is it silly meta about twitter and fandom? Yes. Do I still love it anyways? Yes. You might not know this about me but I'm a sucker for good meta, especially about fandom, especially when it was crack inspired by a musical. Fun fact: I originally intended to write this fic for the Merlin fandom over a decade ago, but never worked up the courage to write fic then.

dearly beloved (haikyuu!! skts, travel fic, sappy af)

This probably borders on purple prose for some people but idc, it has a piece of my soul in it. It's a love letter to sakuatsu, atsumu, and loving someone through the old and the new. (Also I really tried to balance the prose so I think it's pretty banger anyways)

love me, love my dog (haikyuu!! skts, dog sitting fluff)

If I told you how many dog-centric fics I have written or still plan to write, well, let's not get into it. I love dogs. I love dogs as a device for getting together in weird, wonderful, fluffy ways, hairballs and all. This one is not based on any media that I know of (original to me—a fair number of my fics are inspired by other things or references to something) so I'm particularly fond of it.

TWO BOYS ON A SHIP (to say nothing of the cat) (dgs/tgaa, asoryuu, fix-it fic, sort of)

Besides the absolute banger title (that, yes, is based on a real book title), this fic is near and dear to me because I had a blast writing it and it was a rare time when pieces of the plot fell into place neatly as I wrote it. Anyways, it's my favorite characterization of Ryuunosuke and Kazuma's relationship, and answers a lot of questions for me that I didn't know I had until I was writing them. I still intend to write the continuation, but that's an entire dgs rewrite, so it's low on the docket for now.

Sorry I don't think I have any other writers I know on here that weren't already tagged (?) or I'm perhaps not mutuals with (excuse my poor memory if otherwise). So go ahead and do it yourself if you want!

#my fics #writing #writer esque #haikyuu!! #skts #sakuatsu #asry #asoryuu #dgs #tgaa

[arikakuku]

Skts || PROPOSAL

The chimes on the door of Onigiri Miya rang as Atsumu and Kiyoomi entered the restaurant hand in hand. Surprisingly the restaurant was empty, not one customer or staff inside.

"Samu?" Atsumu called out making sure his brother was still there

"In here!" Osamu shouts back, making both of them relieved!

"Samuuu!! Please get something! I'm very hungry and soo is my little baby" Atsumu screamed again, kissing kiyoomi omi afterwards

"EWW"

Atsumu dropped his bags on the floor as he dragged Kiyoomi all the way in front, making them sit right in front of the Aircon! He needed that, especially after the rigorous practice! The v league would start soon, they had to get back in shape! So their coach surprised them with a surprise training camp in Tokyo! And ohh the way Atsumu got excited for it! It was like reliving the memories of his highschool days!

Inarizaki would often come to Tokyo for camps, especially with Itachiyama! And Atsumu would be so excited for the camp! Not only did he get to try different foods and shop from stores but also got to see his cute, tall, black curly haired boy he had a huge crush on! Who later proposed to him during their final year!

The memories hit him like a bullet train! The way they would sneak out at night to watch movies, or go to some old shops for some late night ramen, or just to take a stroll around at night, hand in hand listening to music from 1 earphone! It was all so magical! He wanted to relive those moments but their schedule was soo hectic, coming to Onigiri Miya only was a task! But Atsumu had decided whenever he would propose to Kiyoomi he would plan it out in such a way that they relive every moment!

But that's a plan for later! They might have been dating for a long time, but he wasn't sure whether Kiyoomi would be ready to settle down so early! Don't get him wrong! He trusted Kiyoomi, and they had talked about marriage but both of them were at the top of their careers! Both of them live together - they are basically married, getting only meant to make things official!

He was pulled out from the train of thoughts when Osamu served their food and kicked his leg

"Stop staring at the walls, focus on your boyfriend, he looks like a sap when he stares at you"

"GO AWAY- WAIT comeback why are there no customers or staff today? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US"

"I wish"

"MIYA OSAMU- IM YOUR PERFECT DONOR YOU WILL NEED ME! AND I NEED MY BOYFRIEND SO EVEN YOU WILL ALSO NEED HI-"

Osamu hits Atsumu with his serving tray and signals him to start eating his food making Atsumu pout! He pouts even more when he sees Kiyoomi giggling

"OMMIIII-" Atsumu whines, shaking his hand!

"yes, Darling?" Kiyoomi responds, making Atsumu red like a fucking tamato, oh the way he has started using that stupid word all the time!

Atsumu wastes no time, and starts digging in, mentally making a note to corner Osamu later and ask him if he is going through any problems, he might be a stupid piece of shit! But he is his stupid piece of shit! And yeah, also his 'younger brother'!

Busy eating his food, he hears the camera's click going off, he looks up to see Kiyoomi recording him as he eats. Recently Kiyoomi has developed a habit of recording the stupidest things! Would record when Atsumu was washing the dishes, or when he is putting the clothes for drying etc! He even jokingly started calling Atsumu his 'ex boyfriend'! At first he used to get a little upset, but now he is used to it!

"Having dinner with my ex-boyfriend" Kiyoomi starts,

"Hello, ex-boyfriend, whatsapp" Atsumu decides to play along, taking a bite of the onigiri

"First dinner with my soon to be husband" Kiyoomi continues, pulling out a box from his bag

"yeah- what- WHAT!?" Atsumu is shocked, he drops in onigiri, freezing at the sight of the ring, in the box which Kiyoomi is holding!

Kiyoomi gets up from his seat, holds Atsumu's hand and goes down on one knee, asking him /the/ question

"Will you marry me Miya Atsumu?"

"But I'm in sweats-"

"So am I"

"I have rice in my mouth"

"Me too!"

"I DON'T HAVE A RING FOR YOU OMG"

"But I have!" Osamu says, breaking in their conversation and throwing the box towards Atsumu

"Yall Better look at the camera after y'all put the rings!" Sunarin (WTF, When did he get here?) says, standing beside Osamu, camera in position!

Atsumu smiles at them and turns back towards Kiyoomi who is still on his knees, so even Atsumu gets down, tears rolling down his face

"I'll be your husband if you agree to be mine?"

"Darling, of course, I asked you first right!" Kiyoomi answers, wiping the tears away

Both of them put the rings in each other's finger and share a passionate kiss, earning a groan from both the audience!

Sunarin started clicking lots of embarrassing photos but stopped once he saw Osamu crying, giving him a side hug trying his best to be there for him! But Osamu only stopped when Atsumu engulfed him in a big fat hug!

The stories from that day were definitely retold during their marriage and also their children! Uncle Run wouldn't miss a chance to embrace them!

(A/N: sorry for any mistakes, it's late and I'm very sleepy 😭 also i didn't know how to end it so yeah😭👍)

#haikyū!! #sakuatsu #atsumu miya #sakusa kiyoomi #skts #atsumu x kiyoomi #miya atsumu #fluff #kiyoomi sakusa #idiots in love #proposal #osamu miya

[axreliono]

one (1) more tag game

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

tagged by @ashlingiswriting tysm!!!!!! i'm not gonna annoy the same 4 ppl w tags so if u see this just do it lol

this is gonna b short bc i have literally 3 published fics. lol

to the ends of the earth - skts star wars au

Space travel is, statistically, the safest method of transport out there.

m.s.bee.y - atsumu's lifelong barry the bee-related bullying experience

According to all known laws of comedy, there is no way that a joke should be able to last more than a decade.

beginner's luck - sakusa komori cousin skiing shenanigans

“I hate it here.”

the trend between msbeey and tteote is clear. they're both weirdass expositiony sentences ft an attempt at humour except one of them is a bee movie reference and one of them is about stats. i cant fuckin do opening lines ok

#funny to me tho #blegh