#So similar in drive to live beyond their death at the end of it all. Unable to let go and move on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whereianonymouslypostfics · 1 year

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Dreams

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~2.4k

Summary: You can’t sleep

A/N: More baby stuff to come, but first I need to post a couple of drabbles for the sake of not making a confusing af timeline.

Warnings: Angst mentions of death, dealing with trauma

As soon as you first stepped into your house you knew that your favorite part would be the view. You had stepped onto one of the decks outside and immediately fallen in love with the house. You spent hours outside, or even just on the third floor looking out to the dense trees of the mountains beyond your yard.

You found nature calming and if you had the time and the ability to just wander out into the woods and spend a day relaxing you would. You’d even go at night despite knowing how much your wife would disapprove of this plan.

Despite this somewhat repressed desire, tonight is not one of those night. You’d certainly come back with a cold given how hard it’s raining outside. It was storming when you went to bed, and despite being exhausted, you couldn’t stay asleep. You’d been woken up only a few hours later and you ended up lying in bed listening to the rain for nearly half an hour before you decided to get up.

You’d crept out of bed, not that you thought Wanda would hear you, and you looked downstairs to make sure your dogs were there. They were lying down in the living room sleeping, so you let them be as you wandered upstairs to the third floor. From up here you could look out the floor-to-ceiling windows that showed you an unobscured view of the dark sky that was only occasionally illuminated by lightning that seemed to be right on top of you. The loud thunder and the rain beating against the roof was enough to distract you temporarily from the dream you’d had.

You’d struggled a little this week, and you know you hadn’t hidden it well from anyone. You’d been at work busy as always, and a new client had come in for an appointment for his dog. The dog was adorable but you honestly didn’t remember anything about him because you’d been so distracted by his owner.

He’d looked remarkably similar to a younger version of Rumlow and you’d nearly had a panic attack at the possibility that he wasn’t really dead. That he’d come back for you.

You’d had to excuse yourself and you asked another doctor to fill in for you under the guise of feeling sick before fleeing for your car. You’d sat in it for nearly ten minutes before you’d managed to drive away and head home.

You hadn’t told Wanda about it immediately. Despite coming home to find her downstairs, you’d immediately gone to shower and then crawled into bed. She’d been concerned and confused about why you were home so early, but you hadn’t managed to tell her any more than what you’d told your coworker.

You sigh as you remember the nightmare you had and how Rumlow and Vision still plagued your dreams months after their deaths. You wondered how long they would torment you for as you lay your head back and try to focus on the torrential downpour that you were considering stepping out into.

“Y/n?”

You don’t hear Wanda immediately because you’re so distracted, but you do hear Boone shake himself out from where he’s standing beside your wife. The sound of his collar catches your attention and you open your eyes expecting to see just him. When you see Wanda standing beside him, you can’t help but smile apologetically.

“Hey. Can’t sleep either?”

Wanda had actually been sleeping really well despite the storm. She loved it when it was raining and she could honestly stay in bed all day if it was like this outside. What woke her up was your absence that she’d noticed almost immediately after you’d left. She’s never been great at sleeping alone since you two got together, and not even a perfect thunderstorm could keep her in bed once she realized you were no longer with her.

She moves to sit down next to you, waiting as you greet Boone with a quick scratch before lying back against the cushions with a sigh. She frowns slightly as she looks you over, and she realizes fairly quickly that you’re tense. You’d been a bit off recently and you hadn’t really told her what was bothering you. After coming home early from work this week and claiming to feel sick, she’d watched you carefully during the following days to try and figure out what was wrong. It hadn’t taken her long because despite how well you hid your stress during the day, once you were asleep, you subconscious seemed to run wild and reveal every worry that you’d had that day.

She just had to watch you sleep to understand that something was stressing you out. Most of the time it was work, but you would tell her about that easily enough. Given that you’d been so tight-lipped about this she feared it was something worse.

By the second night you’d given her confirmation when she’d woken up in the middle of the night to you talking in your sleep. She’d been a little confused and still sleepy so she hadn’t really heard most of what you said. It wasn’t until you said a very familiar name that she’d jolted awake.

Vision.

She hated to think that Vision was still causing you stress and literally making you lose sleep despite being dead. He was long gone and she had wanted to promise you that he would never hurt you again. Unfortunately, Wanda was well aware that he’d caused too much lasting damage for all of his influence to die with him. She’s reminded of this yet again as she watches you curl up and pat the blanket that you have on your lap and spread out on the couch.

“Come here.”

You don’t really have to say it because Boone is all-too-willing to jump up and sit beside you on the couch. He stays on the blanket but is quickly plopping down next to you, and you smile at him before turning back to your wife who still hasn’t answered you. You knew Wanda was too smart to believe that you were just restless, and you needed to tell her what’s been on your mind.

Wanda eventually shrugs before she claims that she could sleep fine, but she’d been worried about you.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?“

You wait until lightning flashes in the sky again before reaching out for Wanda with a sigh. She moves closer to you without you having to do much, and you smile before leaning in to kiss her cheek.

“Old demons.“

You’re still not exactly excited about discussing this, so you’re vague in hopes that your smart wife will understand your meaning. You realize this isn’t entirely fair, and even after Wanda hits the nail on the head you decide to be more upfront. Wanda shifts slightly so she’s leaning into you and can rest her head on your shoulder. She watches Boone yawn cavernously before daring to confirm her fears, and yours.

“You mean my two least favorite dead men?”

You can’t help but crack a smile as you nod and think about how accurate Wanda’s description is. Despite having met a lot of insufferable people over the years, these two certainly took the cake.

You take a deep breath before you turn away from your dog so you can look at your wife as you talk to her. It’s still dark since she hadn’t bothered to turn on the light and you can only see her outline, and her bright eyes watching you worriedly.

“Yeah. I’m having dreams about them again.”

Wanda was well aware of how during your recovery, and periodically since then you’d be reminded of the fear you’d felt when you’d almost died. You’d think about how just one minute’s difference or one interaction with Vision could have meant the end for you by one of their hands. You’d mostly had the same dream each time. You’d be sitting in that room again, tied to a chair, but neither of them would be present. You’d just be waiting for them to show up, knowing they would show up to hurt you.

You always woke up sweating and panicked for a few minutes before you could shake it. Sometimes Wanda woke up and tried to distract you and pull you out of it, but there was only so much she could do. She’d tell you that they were gone, and that no one would hurt you like that again. Wanda had made you promise to wake her up whenever you had this dream, but you honestly only ended up doing it about 50% of the time. Tonight being one of the times that you chose not to.

“This one was a little different though.”

Wanda had been wondering if something had triggered you this time when you say this. She eyes you curiously as she considers all of the possibilities, but you speak up before she gets anywhere close.

“We switched places and for some reason they were hurting you instead.”

You don’t have to say how much this shook you. You’d only worried about Wanda being hurt because of her job since you found out what it was. Once you’d learned that Vision was interested in her, and that he really wanted her for himself, you’d been wary and distrustful of him. He’d been too smart to try anything outright, at least until the end, but the fact that he’d tried to kill you so he could have Wanda all to himself made this particular dream seem unrealistic.

“I thought this was weird because I’m sure Vision would rather kill me three times over before hurting you. Rumlow though…”

Wanda scowls at the name, and she thinks about the brunette who’d hated her practically for his whole life. The first meeting between the two of them had honestly set the stage pretty well for every future interaction. He’d been brash and distrusting towards her and Pietro, and this rudeness became hostility before pretty soon after. Wanda still berated herself for not seeing something like this coming. She’d been prepared for whatever type of work-related sabotage he tried to throw her way. And there had been plenty over the years.

She just hadn’t been quite ready for something like this, and she fears every day that someone else will try it now that they were aware of what happened. As much as she tried to shield you from her work and keep people from knowing too much about you, it was impossible to keep them completely in the dark. It wasn’t ideal at all, but now that you were home and she wasn’t working, she was hoping you’d be safer. It had been months and she’d only heard murmurs of threats, nothing solid that would make her do much more than curse the stupidity of these nameless people.

“I know that I’ve said this before, detka, but now that I’m not working it will get better. That said, I can understand that your fears don’t exactly change because of this.”

Not like mine at least.

Wanda doesn’t say this because she doesn’t need to, and it makes her feel a little guilty. Sure, she will never not fear that you are in danger because of her, but the fact that she’s truly left it and has no responsibilities now, does make her feel better. However, she can’t assume that this is all you need to be reassured, and realizing that it isn’t makes her feel like she’s neglected you somehow.

You shake your head as you try to figure out how to tell Wanda what happened this week. It seems silly and you are embarrassed by your reaction to it, but you suppose you can’t help how you feel. You need to figure out how to convince yourself that your wife is right. You’re safer now, and you know that she will do everything she can to make sure this continues to be the case.

Wanda waits patiently as you find your words before looking back to your dog with a smile. His head is in your lap and he whines as he picks up on your anxiety. He nudges you with his nose a few times before you scratch his head and you can’t help but feel well taken care of in that moment.

“I know it will, Wands. I just---someone came into work and he looked so much like Rumlow I just freaked out. Of course I knew it wasn’t him, but it made all of the fears I thought I’d done a good job repressing rise up to the surface and smack me in the face.”

Wanda would usually smile at your sense of humor. However, given that you’re using it as a coping mechanism, to hide how true your words are, she can’t help but frown. She holds you hand tighter before offering you the only reassurance she can. She moves closer to you so she is almost on top of you like Boone is. She kisses your cheek and holds you close waiting until you sigh in exhaustion. You’d been extremely stressed for the past few days, and having this off your chest was just the beginning of feeling better. The rest would come with time and help from your wife who was all too willing to do whatever you needed.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. It’s going to take time.”

You nod in agreement because this is the worst part of it. Just separating yourself from the event by time was important, but also continuing to live your life was too. You wanted to move forward with your plans to have a family with Wanda. Now that she was truly retired and you were no longer hobbling around, you and Wanda would start to figure out the logistics of adding to your family.

You’re about to respond to your wife when she shifts slightly with a reassuring smile that you can’t see, but you practically know it by heart at this point.

“I promise I’ll be here for whatever you need.”

The two of you go back to listening to the calming storm outside before eventually returning to bed. You know that the chances of having another nightmare about your encounter with the doppelganger are high, but as long as you’ll wake up with Wanda by your side, you decide that you can face anything.

“Thank you, Wands.”

Masterlist

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x reader #silver springs #silver springs drabble #silver springs au

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liketwoswansinbalance · 5 months

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Man's Fallibility & Immortality

I found a practically perfect song, by my interpretation, to add to my Rise to Fall playlist. (I haven't cleaned up/updated the playlist fully, so I'm not posting the whole thing yet, but I think this particular song warrants its own post.)

First, listen to the song: Nothing's New - Rio Romeo

Then, what follows below is something of a tragedy-analysis, abstract, meta-thing/omniscient prose narration experiment. I don't know what it is—an outpouring of thoughts. It may strike a similar chord as my narration at the end of Simony and its epilogue.

(Simony was a prediction fic I wrote before the publication of Fall. An extremely erroneous one though. I still think it could work, but oh, how wrong I was.

The direction Soman took the plot in, just, it was unpredictable, even if I did enjoy the book. I still like Rise better than Fall though, of the duology. If Rise had just ended at the point of: Vulcan is dead, Rafal tortures his students, and the brothers gradually learn to trust each other again, that would've been nice and comforting, honestly. But no, substitutes, substitutes, substitutes! On both sides. Drives me insane. Ack! But, I have four, short fics planned that have alternate endings to Rise and to Fall, to make up for it. Well, one of them is so far a little longer, three chapters long.)

If anyone wants me to analyze the actual lyrics more closely, I'm willing to do that too!

⸻

The tales.

They are all the same.

Good winning, Evil winning.

What difference does it make after centuries, really?

Everything probably feels numb and empty after a certain point.

Like nothing matters anymore.

Undiluted apathy after that certain point.

When? I've lost track.

When losses and victories all ring hollow, and all sound the same.

The End.

That's all It wrote.

The sum of lives distilled down to ink and illustrations.

Nothing beyond that. No life, no spark.

What more is there? When nothing will ever satisfy the restless souls, not even an Ending all to themselves.

Just pages that will yellow with time even if the stories themselves are timeless because nothing changes.

Nothing ever changes.

There's no evolution.

Every tale is the same.

It becomes nothing after nothing, not victory after victory, when you're ageless like we are.

And how, if that's how it is?

Why bother?

Why bother at all?

It's a cycle that continues, with or without the brothers.

Ceaseless.

So, why should it matter?

It's the same with or without them.

Their position was always ceremonial.

After a while, anyone becomes tiring. Anyone.

And one person just isn't enough, when you have no one else.

No one else to shield you.

It gets old. The love just... fades, and wears out.

Perhaps, human love can only span for so long, and that's why humans are mortal.

Made mortal, and no one should traverse beyond that.

It always leads to hubris, and then, a fall.

An unnatural fear of death trained into them, when limits were never set, when power was never checked, when they expected to have all the time in the world.

Nothing is built to last. At least, not by the Storian.

It does whatever it pleases.

You can't extend a life past its time.

It will always end in ruin. Isn't that the lesson the storybooks teach?

A cautionary tale.

Again and again, the cycle continues.

Every failed holy-grail of immortality, every spilled cup drawn from the fountain of youth, every cursed head of lettuce, every white snake, every chalice of sleeping draught that led to execution after execution, every baptism that succumbed to primordial wickedness, every impoverished fisherman's hovel?

Why not a tale about two brothers?

One where two are felled.

To caution against mortal greed that even immortality can't peel away.

To caution against always wanting more until you're left with nothing.

Nothing at all.

Just like how you can't truly resurrect anyone as who they once were, you can't revive the soul that a person once was.

And you can't play at being God because it defies the rules of nature.

And all that we know about transience and permanence and how ephemeral everything else is.

Everything but Man, who vies to leave a legacy wherever he goes, at any price, even at the cost of his soul, not life.

⸻

Now, I do wonder if I made anyone emotional? I certainly tried this time around, to be a provocateur like Soman is. Tell me what you think, if you want.

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 6 months

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Wait, now I'm curious about Elizabeth and Hermione. How are they different people?

Reference to this post.

The short answer, read the book.

The slightly longer but still short answer in ways that I as the nitpicky author say "it's totally significant". (A note, also, this is Hermione of the fic versus Hermione of canon who is herself a different beast).

Elizabeth's much more competitive than Hermione of the fic. Hermione of the fic is competitive, she wants to be the best, but she doesn't have the same unholy drive that Elizabeth has where she will crush all opponents in her path. Lily seems to be better than her? ALL COMPETITION MUST DIE! Where Hermione, somewhat, relents on bothering to ask Lily how she does what she does beyond nit picky "you're doing it wrong" lectures, Elizabeth never lets go and it's less of a "you're doing it wrong" and more resentment that Lily doesn't play by the rules Elizabeth knows so well and is amazing at.

We also see this come into play briefly at the party. Elizabeth immediately goes to greet Lily and then beelines off to remind people who hate her that she's here and is better than them in every possible way. She's extremely assertive in a way that Hermione of the fic just isn't quite (Hermione of the fic appreciated being appreciated, and being the smartest, but even she isn't rubbing her essays in Draco's face saying, "Look what grade I got. Look, Draco, look at my deeeeeeeeliiiiiiicioooooooous perfect score. Look at it, yes, cry, Draco, cry".

It's also there in the relationship to Theyn as well as Lily in regards to Theyn. Elizabeth makes it very clear that Lily's second fiddle to Elizabeth when it comes to Theyn. Lily's... neat and all (but mostly an idiot in Elizabeth's eyes) but Elizabeth's the one who has been friends with Theyn longer, is a real mage, and was invited on this quest thing. Elizabeth's also very possessive in general of her friendship with Theyn as well as her firm position as being more talented than him (though she's respectful of him being royalty). Lily, on the other hand, due to being more talented/a threat is um not "Your Highness". Hermione of the fic, while she doesn't get Lily and she's frustrated by her, doesn't do this same power move with her other acquaintances.

Elizabeth's also... I don't know if more stubborn but more something. She genuinely would have read those tomes down there in the pit until she died had Lily not insisted, multiple times, that they can get out. (And even then Lily kind of had to just do it because Elizabeth wasn't buying it). Hermione of the fic is stubborn but a little less strong-willed/not that ridiculous in "death or surrender? I CHOOSE DEATH!"

She's also very concerned about image, which is part of the competitiveness. Elizabeth goes out of her way to look perfect, be perfect, and make sure that everyone knows it. There's not a hair out of place, her clothes are pressed, and she is every student body president who has ever lived on steroids who is also Valedictorian. Hermione, while she prided herself on being the smartest, prided herself on not being the most put together/well made-up girl and hyper focused on being an intellectual. Elizabeth is the intellectual and everything else too, she wins at everything, you worm.

There's also things about Elizabeth's background that are very different from Hermione's that informed some of the above differences. Elizabeth, for various reasons, doesn't have a home to go back to and did not have a good home life when she was on Earth. She also doesn't see the academy as the end all be all but her path to the top of the military/society, where Hermione had no real goals beyond going to Hogwarts at a young age and doing well in her classes.

She's also not quite as authority respecting as Hermione. She has a great appreciation for them/listens to them but it's not quite Hermione's need to please teachers as it is the need to be proven right in every moment of every day.

She plays a similar role to Hermione of the original fic but there were a number of things about her that changed in the transition both to suit the story better and make her her own character.

#the heart of the world #sisyphus book series #the heart of the world meta #elizabeth sisyphus #meta #luxaii

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viking-raider · 2 years

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Afterlife *One-Shot*

Summary: Clark becomes aware of his own death, in the aftermath of his battle with Doomsday, while you grieve for him.

Pairing: Clark Kent (Superman)/Reader

Word Count: 6.6k

Warning: G - Angst, Trauma, Mention of Death and the Great Beyond, Greiving, Depression, Fighting, Alien Technology, Light Amnesia, HEA

Inspiration: I had this headcanon after watching Batman v Superman.

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoy it! Line divider by @FIREFLY-GRAPHICS!

If you would like to get notifications for my writing! Just follow my Tag List blog, @VIKING-RAIDER-TAGLIST and turn on the notifications for it! It’s that easy!’

The first thing Clark remembered, after Doomsday stabbed him through the heart, was emptiness. It was quiet, dark and empty. He couldn't pinpoint where he was in the universe or if he even was in the universe anymore.

His next thought was for you, you had been in downtown Metropolis, while he, Bruce and Diana fought Doomsday. He had to save you, when you went for the Kryptonite spear. He recalled telling you that you were his world, that he loved you, before taking the spear himself and flying off towards the monster, impaling Doomsday through the chest with it.

Had I killed it, before it killed me? Is she safe now?

It became abundantly apparent to Clark that he was dead. There was no other way around it.

If it were anything else, he likely would have recovered by now, however long by now it was. He was inhabiting some state of being, aware and conscious of himself, and could only answer it by him being a Kryptonian. He wondered if this was a natural Kryptonian occurrence, once their body died, that their consciousness lived on for some sort of duration or perhaps his body was still intact enough and his body's refusal to decay allowed him to be mentally aware, while still dead, somehow.

It truly baffled him.

Is Zod in a similar state? Are my biological parents? Is there a way for me to reach out to them?

He let himself go quiet and listened for anything that might potentially be moving or making a sound around him, he remained that way for a long time, hoping for any semblance of contact in the space beyond, but heard and felt nothing, other than himself.

Finding no reason in returning to the surface of his consciousness, Clark receded further inside of it, the quiet outside was only a tortured reminder of the loneliness and his death, of being without you and the pain he knew he left you in. The life the two of you would now never have the pleasure of living.

At least, she gets to live, then my death was well worth it. He thought, before finally falling silent.

“It's been a month.”

Martha pointed out, as she found you sitting on the pouch, staring off in the direction of the graveyard. “You haven't been to his grave since we buried him.” She said, holding a steaming cup of tea out to you, before taking up the spot on the porch swing beside you.

You opened your mouth, but the words jumbled into your throat, like a traffic jam. Shaking your head, you took a sip of the tea and washed the tangled words down, before finally managing to speak. “I don't have the courage or the bravery.” You whispered, biting your bottom lip against a fresh onslaught of tears that threatened you. “I could walk into a war zone, into a pack of rabid protesters and stare down the most decorated and brazen, four star Generals, to get a story.”

“But I have to use the back road to drive onto a farm I'm more familiar with than my laptop, just so I can avoid seeing that graveyard, or I'll end up losing myself.”

Martha pressed her lips together and rested her hand between your shoulder blades. “It took me a week to walk halfway down there, after Jonathan died, and then three days to finish the other half.” She confessed to you, sighing softly. “I thought I was going to cry, like a newborn baby, when I finally made it to his headstone.”

“But, I didn't.”

“What did you do?” You asked, looking at her.

“I was finally able to tell him all the things I wanted to tell him, but couldn't at his wake, since it was all still too raw and new.” She admitted, gently rubbing your back. “If it takes you a month to walk down there, or longer, we both know there are still things you need to tell Clark, so you can heal.” She told you, leaning in to kiss your hair, then stood and went back inside.

You let out an unsteady breath and stared down at your cooling cup, you missed Clark, like you were missing one of your body parts. You had become a shadow of yourself, you had only returned Metropolis for a few days in the month after he died, to grab some of your belongings from the apartment you shared with him. But staying there was too hard, seeing his things around the apartment and sleeping in the bed you had shared with him, and seeing the construction being done to rebuild the parts of the city destroyed by Doomsday, was just too much of a reminder, things were still going on, even when your life had stopped.

So, you took Martha's offer to stay at the farm with her.

It wasn't as hard being in the place where Clark was raised, and buried. You didn't see him as Superman, where in the Metropolis, all you saw were the flying black and silver symbols of Hope and people mourning their superhero and god. On that small Kansas farm, you saw his life, you saw Clark Joseph Kent; the son, reporter and fiance that just happened to be an extraordinary and more unique being than most people on Earth. The Kent Farm was the solid foundation you needed in the wake of his death and you weren't sure you'd be able to set foot off of it again, without your life falling apart. Even though you knew Clark would be upset with you, understanding, but upset that you were allowing your life to spin to a halt.

But Clark had been your world too.

You took a deep, fortifying sip of your tea and stood up, setting the cup on the porch rail and walked down the front steps, the gravel leading up the driveway to the house crunched under your feet. “Oh god, it took your mother a week to make it halfway there, might take me two weeks just to get farther than the porch steps.” You huffed, smirking and shaking your head. “Look at me, talking to you again, like you're here.” You scolded yourself, even though Martha and the therapist Perry made you talk to on the phone told you it was perfectly normal and part of a healing process.

“Hey, Dusty.” You sighed, leaning over to pat the fluffy Border Collie on the head. “Got any encouraging advice for me?” You asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Maybe, if we lined up a bunch of juicy journalist leads along the way, I could just write one article at a time to his grave, hm? Might take a year, but I'll get there!” You laughed, straightening up and sighed again. “I bet if it was me in that grave, Clark would have built a house next to it, so he'd see me every day, and here I am, a month in.”

Squaring your shoulders and putting on your best expression, the one you usually used when one of your leads was being a hard-ass, you put your foot in front of you and did the same with the other and kept focusing on that, one foot in front of the other, in the direction of Clark. While trying to convince your panicking brain, you were just going out there to grab him from visiting his dad's grave, for lunch. You had done it several times before, you could do it again, minus the catch attached to it.

Before you knew it, you were standing at the edge of the graveyard, Dusty was trailing behind you a little ways. Your hands were trembling and sweating at your sides as you looked out over the sea of varying headstones. Even though you hadn't been here since Clark was buried, before they had even closed his grave, you knew exactly where to look. He had been laid to rest beside Jonathan, who you had visited several times. It put a small smile on your face, remembering the first time you had come to the farm with Clark, he had introduced you to his mother, then afterwards, he walked you down here to introduce you to his dad, saying even if he was gone, it didn't feel right not at least having the two of you meet in some capacity.

You had found it sweet, a tad cheesy, but all Clark, with what you would later coin as his Southern Kryptonian charm.

“It only took a day for me to make it this far, Clark.” You said, biting your lip and rubbing your hands on the thigh of your jeans, standing at the edge of gravel and lush, emerald green grass, his grave just in view with the brown granite headstone, just like his father's, you noticed the grass had grown in over him, seamlessly.

Your hands balled up and you moved a few steps closer, before stopping again, breathing hard and shaking a little bit. “Clark.” You mewled, chin quivering as you finally made the last couple of steps. “Clark, I miss you so much. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without you here.” You sniffled, lowering yourself down, to sit cross legged in the grass, between his and his father's graves.

“Everything is so much duller, now that you're gone. I just don't--” You sighed and looked at the blue sky above you, picturing him hovering in it.

Clark became aware of a murmur that did belong with a sequence of memories he had been inhabiting and swam away from them.

He'd become innately skilled with his conscious surfing, flitting from one memory to another, mostly memories of you, a couple memories from before his dad died. He had been learning how to manipulate them to a degree, so they'd last a little longer. He was currently engrossing himself in reliving the night he proposed to you. He had flown the two of you to the farm, his mom had left the house to the two of you, staying with a friend for the night, to give you space. He had taken you on a walk through the corn field, just before sunset and as you both came out on the other side with a perfect view of the sun melting into the horizon, Clark got down on one knee and revealed the simple diamond and platinum band.

The murmur became more clear, the closer to the surface he got. It was the sound of your voice, calling out to him from somewhere outside his consciousness, that he could somehow still hear you from.

Clark, I miss you so much. Your voice was crystal clear, as if you were standing right next to him.

I'm right here! Clark tried yelling back.

I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without you here. You cried, your voice weakening. Everything is so much duller, now that you're gone. I just don't see the world like I used to. I can't find the point or the center of a story anymore. I keep waiting for Perry to call me, to tell me the Bosses have fired me, since I haven't been into work in the month you've been gone.

A month.

If Clark's nervous system worked, he would have jerked with surprise.

I've been dead for a month! Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. You can't even hear me.

I'm sorry, it took me so long to come see you, after the funeral. A whole month. But I do talk to you, I feel absolutely insane and like I should hand myself in to the Metropolis Asylum or something. But your mom says, she still talks to your dad, to this day. So, that's comforting. She's the most sane and wonderful woman I've ever met. She's the only real rock I've had, since—you know. You sighed, twisting blades of grass between your fingers. Other than Dusty. You added with a weak chuckle.

At least, you still have Ma, and Dusty. Clark took some consolation in that. I hope she's holding up well. But if you're visiting her regularly, then I'm sure the two of you are being strong for each other. I wish there was a way for me to come back to you both. To go back and try something different. But, at least you and Ma are safe.

I promise to visit you more. I'll come back before bedtime and say good-night to you. You promised, softly. Now, I know I'm actually strong enough to make it down here, without turning into a pathetic mess of a human being. You chuckled, smirking. There's a joke for you, Kryptonian.

Very funny. Clark quipped, before growing somber. Wish you knew I could hear you. That you could hear me too.

I love you, Clark. You cooed, finding a little more strength to place a gentle kiss to the cold stone of his grave marker.

I love you too, babe. I love you too.

You starting to regularly visit Clark's grave began to give him a general sense of time. You always visited him after breakfast in the mornings, telling him about how you slept, describing the dream you had, which usually always involved him in some way.

He learned quickly, you had a recurring nightmare about the day he died, but you had only spoken at length about it once, as if his grave and consciousness were the only things you could unburden yourself of it too. Which wasn't wrong. You hadn't told anyone about the night terror. You were sure Martha had an idea about it, mother's intuition and the several times you'd woken her up screaming Clark's name, but she never pressed you for it.

After that though, you just referred to it as that dream, before moving on again.

After an hour or two, you'd leave his graveside for several hours, to try and get some journalism done with the stories Perry had sent your way via emails and such, he was being extremely understanding and accommodating. But you knew that was going to run out soon enough. You'd either go back down to Clark again around lunch time or for a break. Going on and on about the piece you were trying to write for the Planet. Clark, even in the grave, would out of habit throw in his suggestions on ideas you could use, possible ways you could look for leads or just his loving encouragement, before catching himself.

But you always came down before you went to bed to say good night to him.

“All right, Super-Boy.” You sighed, stopping beside Clark's grave, your feet bare and wearing a pair of Jack Skellington pajama bottoms and Clark's old Smallville High School t-shirt. “It's bedtime. So, I've come to say good-night and don't let earthworms bite.” You chuckled, even with the smallest twinge in your stomach.

Even dead, you still make fun of me. Clark remarked, entertained. If I ever get out of this box, I'll tickle you mercilessly.

“I love you, Clark. I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well.” You said, keeping to your ritual of kissing his headstone and walked back to the house.

With you gone, Clark began filling the time with memories, until he sensed something, that wasn't you. He couldn't put a name on what it was, he knew what you felt like. Even dead, Clark understood your approach and presence, it called out through his consciousness and it had pulled him to you through the world and cosmos, when he was alive. This felt as Alien like he was, strange and strong, and right on top of him.

Beyond that feeling, this presence, he heard nothing else.

The next morning, you were coming down the stairs and heading towards the kitchen, when you stopped dead in your tracks, hearing a familiar voice coming from that direction; one you hadn't heard in three months, since Doomsday and Clark's death. Panic bubbled into your chest as you slowly approached the kitchen door and saw, none other than, Bruce Wayne sitting at the kitchen island with Martha, enjoying a cup of coffee with her.

“Oh, you're awake!” Martha started, spotting you. “This young man,” She smiled, touching Bruce's shoulder. “was a friend of Clark's and wanted to come see how you were doing.” She explained, but saw the look on your face and quickly slipped off her stool and rushed over to you. “Honey, what's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

“You can say that.” You rasped, wide eyes still on Bruce with shock.

“That's my fault.” Bruce said, setting his mug down. “I should have called you first to see if it was all right I came by.”

“You think?” You huffed, eye twitching a little bit, before you looked at Martha. “Do you mind if I speak to him, for a moment?” You asked, keeping the edge out of your voice.

Martha got the hint and nodded, made a polite gesture to Bruce, then went upstairs, to give you both privacy.

“What the hell are you doing here, Bruce!” You barked, starting towards him, anger flaring in your eyes.

“Well, I came to check on you and Martha.” Bruce replied, a tad surprised at your reaction, but didn't move off his seat. “I know you haven't been back to the Daily Planet, or even the Metropolis in the three months Clark's been--”

“Don't you dare.” You hissed him, snapping your fingers and sticking your index finger in his face. “Part of why my fiance is dead is because of you, Bruce Wayne. You were hell bent on making him some monster that wanted to burn the world to the ground. When all Clark wanted to do was be a reporter, plan our wedding and bring Hope to people, when they needed it!” You growled at him, tears beginning to stream down your face. “But instead, you both let Lex Luther manipulate you into fighting. Maybe that's why the word starts with man. I don't know. But you had a hand in taking him away from me.” You seethed, before slapping him across the face, though it hurt you more than it hurt him, it felt good.

“I'll never forgive you for that!” You huffed, finally turning on your heels and storming out of the kitchen.

“Even if I could bring him back!” Bruce called back out to you.

You froze on the steps going upstairs, part of you said to keep going back to Clark's old room, the one you had taken over, that Bruce was just baiting you back into the kitchen to talk. But the part of you that knew Bruce, knew he didn't mince words or promises.

“Shit.” You mumbled under your breath, turning around and heading into the kitchen again. “If you're lying to me, I'll expose your ass as Batman before you can get off this property.” You told him, coldly.

“I'm not.” Bruce said, ambiguously, picking up the coffee pot Martha had set on a pot holder in the middle of the island and poured some into the cup she had clearly set out for when you came down to join them. “Coffee? I know how cranky you are, before your first sip in the mornings.” He smirked, holding it out to you.

“Don't act chummy with me, Wayne. Just talk.” You told him, taking the cup from him and walking out onto the front porch, spotting Bruce's ultra expensive car in the driveway with your car and Martha's truck.

Bruce followed you onto the porch. “We, my team and I, found a way to bring Clark back.” He said, standing beside you.

“Oh, more Kryptonian technology?” You asked, sipping your coffee, trying to scold your hopes from coming up.

“No, it's some form of Alien technology, we're not exactly sure what kind, but...” He paused, looking down at his feet for a second, considering how much he should tell you. “Take a walk with me.” He said, stepping off the porch, before looking back at you.

“It's nothing chummy.” He reassured you, before moving forward.

Sighing, you caught up to him and waited for him to continue.

“One of my team members was in a horrible car crash, nearly died—should have died, his body was maimed, almost beyond recognition.” Bruce began to explain to you, slowly walking towards the graveyard. “His father was a top scientist for the Department of Defense, he used this Alien Technology, a Box, to put his son back together again. I have a theory that with the Kryptonian Ship, where Lex made Doomsday, in the regeneration chamber, and this box, we would be able to revive Clark.” He finished, just as the two of you reached the graveyard.

“Dear God!” You gasped, your cup slipping out of your hand and broke on the gravel at your feet. “What have you done!?” You demanded, seeing the gaping hole where Clark should have been buried. “Bruce!” You yelled, punching him in the arm. “Where—Did you just take Clark's body without asking his mother and I?”

“I did.” He nodded, unapologetic. “We need him—alive.”

You glared up at him, and finally saw it. “No.” You shook your head at him. “You don't need Clark alive. You need Superman alive. You don't give a fuck about Clark, you never have!” You growled, burning with anger.

“You're wrong!” Bruce snapped, jerking slightly towards you, spooking you. “You're wrong.” He said softer, pulling himself together again, not meaning to scare you. “I know going after him was wrong and I regret that decision every single day. I blame myself for his death. I don't need you or anyone else blaming or reminding me of it, I do it already. But, as much as my team and the world needs Superman, they need Clark Kent more. You are right, he gave this world Hope, but he also gave this world more than just Hope.”

“There's something coming, and without him alive, we won't survive it.”

“Then, why are you here and not wherever you need to be, to bring him back?” You asked, sighing heavily.

“Because, we have all the components.” He answered, looking down at you with a soft smirk. “But, we don't have Clark Kent's key.”

“Key? You mean, the Command Key?” You frowned up at him, shaking your head. “We lost that, when we fought Zod.”

“No.” Bruce laughed, resting his hand on your shoulder. “You are Clark's key. I need you to come back to Metropolis with me. We don't know what's going to happen, when we use the Box to revive Clark, but something told me you were the key. So, I need you to be my secret weapon, should anything happen. Besides, if I know anything about Clark Kent, you'll be the first person he'll want to see, when he comes back to the world of the living, and I can't deny the Kryptonian that.”

“When do we leave?” You asked, with no hesitation.

“As soon as you're dressed.” Bruce laughed, looking you over, still in your pajamas. “I'll get you some breakfast on the way there.” He added, heading back to the house with you. “But, don't mention the Clark thing to Martha.” He whispered as you walked up the porch steps.

You shot him a look, that asked, who do you think I am?

“Martha!” You called out, heading upstairs to change.

“Is everything all right?” She called back, coming out of her room.

“Everything's fine.” You reassured her, resting your hand on her arm. “But I need to return to Metropolis with Bruce.” You told her, feeling a small part of you needed to tell her of the possibility, however small or big, about bringing Clark back, she was his mother, she deserved to know, but you also didn't want to get her hopes up either. “I won't be gone long, he has a lead on one of the articles I'm trying to write.”

“The privileges of a Billionaire PlayBoy.” You said, chuckling and rolling your eyes.

Martha studied you for a long moment, before smiling and nodding her head. “All right, you both be safe then!” She said, hugging you tight.

“I promise.” You replied, hugging her back, but had that reporter's tingle that she knew something more was going on, but wasn't saying anything about it. “I'll see you, hopefully tomorrow or the next day.” You promised, letting go of her and heading off to get changed, then met Bruce at his car and sped off to where his jet was parked.

“I really hope this works, Bruce.” You whispered, settling in your seat on the plane. “I miss him. I miss him so much.”

“I do too.” Bruce replied, sitting across from you.

“Just stay here with Alfred, when we're ready for you, he'll bring you to us.” Bruce explained as he sat beside you in the back seat of one of his luxury cars, Alfred at the wheel.

“All right.” You nodded, nervous and impatient.

The flight from Kansas to Metropolis had been shorter than it would have been on a commercial airplane, but it mentally felt longer, thanks to you tossing the idea of Clark potentially coming back to life or not. You had no idea what you would do if it failed. You supposed it wouldn't actually change anything, he'd still be dead, you would just have to somehow explain the fresh dirt on his grave to Martha and anyone that visited it. You also had no idea what you would do if, and when, Clark came back to life. There would be explaining his reappearance to people.

You had thrown this scenario at Bruce during the flight and he had replied simply, witness protection.

You had considered that avenue, Clark had done some digging into the Batman and drew the eye of Lex Luther. So, using the Doomsday attack as the perfect timing to fake Clark's death to cool the heat from those two, even though Bruce was Batman, would make a damn good cover story.

“Would you like to listen to anything on the radio, madam?” Alfred asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“No, thank you, Alfred.” You replied, smiling kindly at him.

He nodded his head back at you, before turning to face forward again and went back to his newspaper. You pulled your phone out and scrolled through your photos, smiling at the pictures of you and Clark, not realizing you had chuckled out loud at a photo of the two of you covered in cake frosting, until noticing Alfred smirking at you through the rear-view mirror.

“Sorry, I was just looking at a photo of Clark and I at my last birthday.” You told him, turning your phone around to show him. “We ended up eating my cake plain, because we got into a frosting fight.”

Alfred chuckled, seeing the photo. “I truly hope Bruce can bring Master Kent back.” He said, softly.

“So, do I.” You sighed, looking back at the photo and running the tip of your finger over the image of Clark's chocolate covered, grinning face. “I'm so terribly lost without him.” You admitted, quietly.

The look on Alfred's face was soft, understanding and sympathetic, but you hadn't noticed, your attention had been drawn outside. You bent your head low to your chest with your eyes out the heavily tinted windshield, almost rolled into the back of your head just to look up at the object hovering in the sky.

“Oh, dear god.” You gasped, jaw hitting your chest. “Clark.” You mewled, voice creaking. “He did it. Bruce actually fucking did it.” You sighed, a smirk pulling across your lips, watching Clark move across the sky, away from the building Bruce had vanished into sometime before, and towards Hero's Park, where Superman's monument once was and now his shrine stood.

“I have to--” You started, grabbing the handle to your door, only to have the lock click shut on you. “Alfred!” You barked, head snapping to him.

“Mr. Wayne said he would call, when it was time for you to join him and Mr. Kent.” Alfred replied, calmly, his index finger still holding down the master lock button on the driver's door. “It's safer this way.”

“Safer? You think Clark would hurt me?” You asked, snorting at him and the notion of it.

“No, I don't, Miss.” He answered, tipping his head forward slightly, offering his silent apology for the apparent slight. “But, we don't know how Master Kent would react to being brought back to life, and until we do know, it's safer for all parties concerned, that he and the team assess the situation first.”

You bit your bottom lip and clenched your jaw, before straightening up in your seat with a sigh. “Fine. Clark would tell me the exact same thing.” You said, impatiently turning your phone in your hands. “In fact he has, many times.”

It wasn't ten minutes later that the sound of sirens filled the city air outside of the car, you weren't entirely surprised by the sound, it was the middle of Metropolis, if there wasn't at least one police siren going off every five minutes, then there was something truly wrong. But as time progressed, there were more and more sirens, and not just sirens, soon there were cop cars speeding by you and Alfred, lights blaring. You became uneasy, seeing them make it to the intersection up ahead and turn left, towards the park.

Soon, Military Humvees joined the cop cars and your unease and anxiety only increased. You couldn't see the Park from where you and Alfred sat in the car, but regardless, you knew things weren't going as planned. Gripping your phone in your left hand, you slowly crept your right hand up the side of your door, carefully eyeing Alfred as he watched all the cop cars, military personnel and civilians crowding into the streets to see what all the commotion was, until your fingers found the lock. Your heart stopped in your chest as you strained to unlock your door, freezing in place as it popped, but Alfred didn't react, his attention firmly focused on what was outside the car and not what was inside it, probably believing both of you were safe and sound.

With the door unlocked, you gripped the door handle and took a quiet, but deep breath, waiting for the perfect moment to pull it open and bolt out. It came a minute later, with the sound of a new police car ripping down the street. You yanked the door open and tore out of it, before Alfred could fully react, yelling out your name through the left open back door. You ignored him as you sprinted down the cracked and weed strewn sidewalk, your sneakers beating the pavement and shocking your legs with the impact, but you kept going, willing yourself faster.

You needed to get to Clark, to find out what was going on and why Bruce was taking so long to call in his secret weapon. You hardly looked both ways, before cutting across the street and around the corner towards Hero's Park. Just turning the corner onto the street the park was on, was a whole other world, there were cars and people everywhere, being pushed behind establishing lines, but you weren't about to let that deter you, you never had before for a story and you sure as hell wouldn't, if it meant getting to Clark. You stopped for a second and looked around, before spotting a small spot in the chain-link fence they put around the fence after the Doomsday fight and went for it, squeezing your body through it.

Getting through the fence, you found a small-scale battlefield. The three pillars that once stood behind Superman's statue had been smashed to bits, even more rubble and debris filled the space, with smashed Metropolis Police cars and a burning Humvee. You saw Diana laying on the ground by one of the shimmering pools, a kid in a red suit splayed out on the steps beside a larger, heavily tattooed man. You finally spotted Clark just past Diana, barefoot and shirtless, only wearing the shredded suit pants he had been buried in. His body was tense, the muscles of his back defined and his hands almost completely curled into fists as he strode intently towards someone just beyond him.

“Bruce.” You mumbled, spotting the Billionaire in his full Bat suit. “Oh, Christ.” You gasped, watching Clark rise up from the ground, just before he reached Bruce, a cold chill of fear rushed down your back, prickling your skin, you took off towards him.

“Stop, don't!” A half metal, half man yelled out, as you dashed by him, but you kept going, your eyes locked on Clark.

“He doesn't know who he is!” Diana tried to warn you.

“Clark!” You screamed out, coming to a halt as he blasted Bruce backwards into a parked police car behind him with his laser vision. “Clark, don't!” You cried, begging him, your heart giving way with relief, when you saw Bruce had managed to block the scorching light with his gauntlet, and was mostly unhurt.

Clark slowly turned towards you in the air, his ordinarily cerulean blue eyes lit up like molten steel made the breath in your throat freeze solid, but he didn't unleash his vision on you, not yet at least. He only cocked his head at you, clearly scanning and studying you.

You gulped thickly, not wanting to show him fear. “Clark, please.” You rasped, biting the inside of your cheek. “This isn't you.” You told him, daring to take a small step closer to him.

“Don't-” Bruce started to call out, but stopped, when Clark jerked a look at him over his shoulder.

“Just shut up, Bruce.” You growled between clenched teeth. “You wanted your secret weapon.” You hissed at him, then focused back on your fiance. “This is not who you are.” You said, steadying your voice and taking another step forward. “You are a good person, and he-” You pointed to Bruce, and took a deep breath. “Is your friend. He's an idiot, but he's still your friend.”

Bruce shot you a look, but didn't say anything.

“So, please, don't kill him or any of them.”

The bright, fiery-orange in Clark's eyes faded, revealing the eyes you had missed and loved so much, bringing a grin to your face and even more tears to your eyes, before he slowly lowered himself back to the ground. You reached out to him, your fingertips touching the warm, but cool skin of his shoulder and sighed softly, it was all real and not some insane dream.

“I know you.” Clark's deep voice rumbled.

You chuckled, sniffling. “I know you too.” You replied, looking up at him. “You are Clark Joseph Kent, the love of my life.” You whispered, feeling the world around you brighten again.

Clark cupped your face in his big hands, tenderly rubbing his thumbs underneath your eyes to wipe away your overflowing tears, before pulling you in tight against his body, wrapping his strong and solid arms around you, then took off into the skies, with a thunderous boom.

“What the hell was that?” Asked the tattooed male, as he helped Bruce up.

“My secret weapon.” Bruce replied, flexing his sore body.

Clark landed the both of you on the edge of the corn field he had proposed to you in.

“Home.” He whispered, looking out over the waist high stalks to the Kent Farm.

“You remember this?” You asked, looking up at him with your hand resting on the small of his back.

“I do.” He nodded, looking down at you and smiling. “It's starting to come back to me. I was really jumbled up back there, but seeing you kick started me again.” He confessed, cupping the side of your neck in his hand and leaning in to kiss you deeply.

You melted against him, wrapping your arms around his waist and returned his kiss, before pressing your forehead to the center of his chest and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. “I missed you very much, Clark.” You mumbled, relaxing.

“I know you did.” He replied, nosing your hair and kissing the top of your head. “I heard you.”

“You what?” You squeaked, tipping your head back to look up at him, confused and caught off guard.

Clark smirked at you, brushing his fingers through your hair, reveling in being able to feel your tresses and skin again. “When you would visit my grave-” He licked his upper lip and cast his eyes in the direction of the cemetery. “I don't know how to explain it or how it worked, but I could hear you. I could still sense you too, when you were close enough to me. Everything you said, while I was—away—I heard it all. I know about your nightmare about my death and Doomsday, that you haven't been back to our apartment since it happened.”

“Clark-” Your mouth worked, but you didn't know what to say.

“It's crazy, I know.” He laughed, shaking his head. “At first, I was alone with myself and the memories I had of my life. It probably has something to do with my being Superman and Kryptonian. But, I want you to know, I heard all of it. You weren't really alone. I would answer you, even if you couldn't hear me. Which reminds me.” He said, dropping his hands to your sides and gave them a tickle, making you laugh and squirm.

“What was that for?!” You giggled, slapping at his hands.

“Making fun of the dead!” Clark chuckled back at you. “Don't let the earthworms bite! Really, babe?”

“We both know, I've always had a good deadpan humor.” You replied, winking at him, before scurrying away, so he couldn't tickle you again. “But I do find that oddly comforting, you being able to hear me.” You said, returning to him, but paused for a moment. “What was it like, being dead?”

Clark took a deep breath and let it out with a soft sigh. “It was--” He shook his head, then leveled his eyes at you. “It doesn't matter, I'm here with you again.” He said, pulling you against him for another kiss. “And, I'm not going back there again, for a very, very long time. I promise.”

“You better keep that promise, Kent, or so help me God!” You proclaimed, lifting a brow at him. “Now that I know you can hear me from the grave, I'll hound you day and night with the most god awful things I can think of and buy!” You threatened, jabbing a finger in his chest.

“If that's the case, I'll make sure to live to at least a hundred.” Clark smirked, closing his hand around yours and brought your fingers to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

“That's what I want to hear.” You smiled, pushed up on your toes and rubbed noses with him.

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b0tsbby · 1 year

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Tales of Vesperia’s lost: Zagi as a misunderstood antagonist

Spoilers for the Definitive Edition of Tales of Vesperia!

Disclaimer: This is my opinion on evidence and lore found in the game. This is not a comprehensive guide on how to view the game or it’s characters. I just live here.

Up in the abandoned halls of Tarqaron, my first thought when seeing a barely standing, Blastia poisoned Zagi was “I’m going to miss him”. It was almost a joke at first. After so many fights with him, I got used to having Zagi show up in the most obscure places. He was weird, sure, but he became such a constant of the team’s journey. I could always count on him to show up, eventually.

It was only after my last fight with Zagi that those words started to mean a little more to me. For the first time, it clicked. He wasn’t ever coming back. For the first time Zagi was truly gone.

And I have issues with how the following scene played out. It felt so dismissive to hear Yuri and the others reduce Zagi to simply being ‘crazy’. It felt like something was missing, like an entire plot point or development was shoved under the rug, kinda like Raven’s pretty rushed reunion upon Heracles.

That’s when the skits that followed with Raven, Rita and Judith really solidified it for me. Zagi, beyond what was initially just another inconvenience for Yuri, is a tragic character. A character that meant a lot more to the themes of the game then it let itself realise.

Okay so, there’s not much we learn about Zagi’s background, and his path in game is somewhat sporadic. First we can deduce at some point he was in leagues with Leviathan’s Claw, working as an assassin to take a hit on Flynn where he meets Yuri instead. We see him again on Ragou’s ship, where for some reason, his ties to Leviathan’s claw are broken and he now works under Ragou and Barbos. We meet him again on his own in the Coliseum, aboard Heracles and finally Tarqaron. The most logical deduction is after Zagi’s meeting with Yuri, the assassin deflects from his former guild and mission entirely to pursue Yuri. Every choice he makes from then on, even the alteration of his body with Blastia, is for Yuri.

I’m gonna backtrack a little to talk about the other character that I feel Zagi behaved as a character foil to, that character being none other than Yuri himself. Morality, justice and the weight of one’s choices are some of the big themes that drive Tales of Vesperia’s narrative, and murder as a resort is not one too steep for both the story and Yuri, though Yuri is still at a stage where he feels the burden of death upon him. Murder is a last resort and he doesn’t actively enjoy having to take Cumore and Ragou’s lives. It’s this blood on Yuri’s hands that drives him to isolate and think less of himself. It’s these choices he’s made that way so heavily on him, making him believe he’s better off facing the world alone and not accepting the trust and support of Brave Vesperia and co.

And it’s in Yuri that we can understand Zagi better. There’s no mention of how or why Zagi became an assassin or how he came to realise he’s so good at carrying out the role. In the end though, he is one. There’s a lot of blood on Zagi’s hands and Yuri only serves as a small window to what effect that may have on him.

Furthermore, Zagi’s alone as far as we know. There’s not a single mention of another character he could be fighting for, or someone who maybe drove him to this path.

To put it all together, I believe in two possible instances regarding Zagi’s past:

One, he’s a character unfortunate enough to have had to make similar choices as Yuri, but alone. The guilt and possible trauma of it all could have been too much for him to handle, turning fighting and the act of killing, the very things that broke him, into some twisted, unhealthy coping mechanism. Realising he’d never be accepted again for the choices he’s made, Zagi resorted to putting meaning into this singular act, becoming exceptional, and making it his sole reason for being.

Then there’s two, perhaps Zagi was just ‘crazy with power’ , like the game suggests, from the start. Maybe the thrill of fighting is just something he’s always enjoyed (sounds like a character I’ve already mentioned). Maybe it had all been Zagi’s prime interest from the start, so much so that he became exceptional at fighting. Too exceptional.

So in a world where Zagi was viewed more as a threat for his talent or interest, with no else to turn to, he turned to a life where his existence would be valued, accepted. The life of an assassin.

But that’s all speculation, of course.

Let’s take a look at those respective skits again, starting with Rita and Judiths’s in “Zagi - Part 2”.

Where the brunt of Zagi’s misunderstood character lies ,I think, is in this loneliness. He has nothing left to put meaning into besides fighting. It’s brought up after his last encounter, and not just in the skits. I found it interesting how even Rita here, draws a parallel between her obsession with Blastia and Zagi’s obsession with , well, his work. They’re both characters with incredible talent, and they’re both characters who seemingly know how alienating it is to be talented, to be too good at something. The joy of being the best at what you do can only last for so long, before one craves a challenge again, or more so in this case an ‘equal’ .

We get more talk about this whole idea of equals in ‘Zagi’s End’.

I’m glad Raven brings up the other antagonists in this skit, specifically making a point of how Zagi is different. Zagi’s the unfortunate case out of the three that found his equal (In Yuri) but his equal ‘turned out to be his enemy.’ The skit goes on to explain his cryptic statement.

So Raven’s specifically talking about friends or allies. Friends strong enough to ‘keep their power from distorting them’. People who’ll support and simultaneously keep you in check. (This distantly referencing the very close relationship Yuri and Flynn have).

It’s safe to say then that Zagi’s simply never had that, or hasn’t had that in a while. Companionship, love and friendship are things he’s clearly never experienced for a long time, and things he’s clearly forgotten how to pursue. So Zagi cherishes the distorted affection he has for Yuri, his ‘equal’, because it’s the closest thing he’s felt to companionship in years.

Zagi to me, represents a sort of ‘what-if’ Yuri that simply had to face the world alone, a Yuri corrupted by the weight of his choices. A character so far gone that longed for something he’d tragically never have or experience.

Gonna end off with my favourite quote from ‘Zagi’s End’:

I think everyone in the team has dealt with their fair share of loneliness, heck, it’s the only link between all their pasts! So I especially got emotional when Raven said this.

The world can be cruel, and each one of them will have to make difficult decisions, have to face inner demons, if they haven’t already. But they’ll be alright. They have love. They have each other.

#TLDR Zagi is an outcast #he has no friends and can’t make friends #and prolly thinks no one loves him #Yuri’s his first ‘friend’#but it’s pretty one sided #obviously #tales of vesperia #zagi tales of vesperia #DONT REDUCE ZAGI TO CRAZINESS

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lalo-tellmeagain · 1 year

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I just need to get this off my notes— I’ve been working on it a while and hopefully it’s enough to convey my feelings. I’m putting this here with the preface that I love this character so much!

While I’ve been enjoying the fan fiction and art and all the various ships, I just don’t see Lalo as capable of having any sort of relationship with anyone.

I don’t think he thinks about love or friends or sex at all beyond maybe just the most basic of bodily functions. And that’s a very big maybe.

This is perhaps best illustrated during the scenes at his home in Mexico. Every person there is hired help, and so they are loyal for the pay and probably out of fear, and yes they seem to sort of enjoy his company (maybe) but it’s all superficial because they know what Lalo is capable of.

It’s hard for the audience to get past the idea that this handsome middle aged man would just sit around by himself in this giant compound, barely sleeping, and working on his hobbies without at least wanting a partner or a family, but I really don’t think he cares or thinks about it.

He gets off on endlessly plotting his next moves- which brings us to Sylvia and Mateo. What happens to them shows us how utterly insidious Lalo is- he has imagined scenarios where he may need to fake his own death, or use Mateo in some way because of their similar looks, and he keeps them around solely for that purpose. He’s generous to them and they appear to be very loving and grateful toward him— he will always turn on the charm to deflect his true intentions. They think he really wanted to help them with the dental work, and he did, but for his own twisted reason.

Speaking of employees, poor Ciro! Here’s a kid who has been clearly bullied by Lalo his whole life, and who clearly lives in a constant state of fear and uncertainty. Lalo tells Jimmy he’s known Ciro since he was a little boy, but neglects to mention using the kid as a human shield!

Nacho is also an employee. Lalo treats him as such, even in moments of seeming to be friendly (Nachito!) there’s always an undercurrent of distrust. He’s not going to send Nacho to pick up 7 million. He makes Nacho drive him everywhere and never tell him what they’re doing or where they are going. And let’s be honest- his gut feeling about Nacho was correct-

That’s why Kim’s lecture is so incredible- you see the moment where Lalo doubts himself- maybe she’s right? Maybe I do need to try and let someone in and try to trust a little bit- even against my better judgment…..

And he’s immediately betrayed. He’s never going to make that mistake again.

The argument that Lalo has the ability to care because of his attitude toward Hector also doesn’t really work for me because Hector is absolutely the worst kind of person. Cruel. Hateful. Joyless. Where does Lalo get his own lack of humanity? Probably Hector.

Lalo admires him, constantly talking about how family is everything, but none of the Salamancas even have their own families! It’s an empty sentiment. Plus Lalo could easily bring Hector to live with him in his giant mansion and provide him with round the clock medical care, and he doesn’t! He cares about the business and the money and taking out his rivals. Imagine if the Salamancas succeeded? To what end? Who gets their vast fortune when they can never trust anyone and have no families of their own?

I think Lalo has fun playing mind games with Gus. I think he enjoys the chase a lot. He’s never not going to have a good time. And we love him for that. It’s really hard to not be curious about him (and his potential relationships) and I’m endlessly fascinated with the idea that someone could really just exist this way because to us he has an incredible life! And why wouldn’t he be sharing it with someone or many people? Why live this way? He’s just really an extremely shallow person- he cares most about his money, his cars, his house-“don’t get grease on my sink!”

Bottom line — he cannot care about any person other than himself. He doesn’t think about others at all beyond what he can use them for. He’s happiest in his own head. In Lalo land.

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chuthulhu-reads · 2 months

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[ID: Three panels from Fruits Basket. In the first, Akito, as a child, is looking down and saying, "I'm not the one Father loved the most. I'm--" The second panel is empty except for a speech bubble of someone saying "No." In the third panel, the head maid of the Sohma family, in black mourning clothes and holding a formal kind of gift box, says, "Akira-san loved you more than anyone, Akito-san. You must not be confused." End ID.]

God, This Bitch. I hate This Bitch so much. Like I'm sure there are reasons she turned out like this and it's kinda sad that she seems to have no identity or goals for her life outside of Serving The Sohma Family Head, but she's also the living manifestation of all the Sohma clan's regressive toxicity. Right here, she's preaching this awful zero-sum approach to love and relationships that colours so much of Akito's relationships with the Zodiac members; they must love her the most, not just more than others but to the exclusion of others. Her most violent outbursts are all against family members seeking permission to be in a romantic relationships, because that's the biggest threat to their love with her. Love has to be obsession for her, or it's not love, which ironically is also very similar to Ren's approach to her love for Akira.

I mean, we all know someone like This Bitch, don't we? The administrator or secretary or PTA member who isn't technically in charge, but actually is because they're the one that Gets Things Done. The person whose identity is built on not necessarily being significant in their own right, but making themselves indispensable to who they perceive as significant and tripping on the power that comes with that. This Bitch is one of the most powerful individuals in the Sohma family and entirely flexes that power to show off How Important The Sohma Head (and by extension, she) Is. She's so busy going on about How Important And Special the arranged marriage for Akira must be that she doesn't notice or care that the guy is so painfully lonely and frightened of his approaching death that he doesn't actually care about anything beyond being noticed and cared for. Ren consists almost entirely of red flags, but she's the only person who actually noticed or gave a shit about Akira's actual emotional stat, and instead of acknowledging that, This Bitch and her cadre were so hung up on Ren Getting Notions Above Her Station and treating her like shit about it that it just exacerbated all of Ren's existing instability. This Bitch is so hung up on hating Ren that right here she's actively driving a wedge between a grieving child and her mother, and who the hell can stop her? She only answers to the head of the family, an already very damaged child who is very susceptible to her opinions. She teaches this child that rules don't apply to her, that her word is law, that she's literally god, and takes part in punishing those who defy Akito or covering up what Akito does to them, and I wonder if she's even self-aware enough to know how much she's flexing her own power in doing it. She gets to order around members of the family that she supposedly serves because of the position of influence she holds. It's so toxic and frustrating and makes her easily one of the most hateable characters in the series.

#Fruits Basket #Furuba

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ichayalovesyou · 2 years

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The Needs of The Many

The First Servant, COVID-19, Pike, Spock, and SNW’s Overarching Themes

So, yesterday’s episode of Strange New Worlds was very… heavy.

Strange New Worlds overarching themes this far have been fate, perspective, and sacrifice.

Even the audience knowing who lives and who dies based on having seen TOS actually SERVES that narrative! Uhura, Spock, Chapel, M’benga, even Pike, they have no idea that they can’t die until after TOS and it’s films. While Samuel Kirk has no idea he’s going to die by the end of TOS’s first season. They don’t know, but we do, and even then, crazy things could still happen. Nothing is set in stone, nothing is exactly as it appears.

The pilot’s most blatant message is that the future is what we make it. That we can choose whether we live (warp drive) or die (warp bomb). As well as that growth can be found even in the most inhospitable and unknowable environments like the vacuum of space.

Children of the Comet declares that just because we know something will happen, doesn’t mean it’ll do so in the way we expect. Whether or not it will br at immense cost to ourselves is undefined (Mahanit does not perish destroying Persephone 3 thanks to Enterprise’s intervention).

The Ghosts of Illyria establishes life after being forcibly changed shape, and the message we leave behind when we go where others cannot follow. What appeared monsterous was only there to help the crew survive what they themselves did not. It also establishes Rukiya, who in some ways is going through something similar to Pike. Instead through the outside perspective and grief of Dr. M’Benga, her father who is desperately trying to save her life, sacrificing much in doing so.

Memento Mori celebrates a Starfleet holiday where those who were killed in action are remembered, and La’an takes her first steps toward actually acknowledging her grief over what happened to her and her family on the Puget Sound at the hands of the Gorn. We also get Hemmer’s Aenarian perspective on death, and Uhura being uncertain what her purpose is in the face of it.

Spock Amok forcibly changes Spock and T’Pring’s perspectives on each other’s lives through an accidental body swap. The R’Ongovians are won over to the side of the Federation by Pike using their own radical empathy tactic. Neither Spock or T’Pring’s lives, or the R’Ongovians, are what they appeared to be to the other side.

Now, Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach, asks us whether the sacrifice of a small child enduring a slow and painful death at the hands of a machine beyond its creators’ comprehension is worth the comfort and stability of an entire civilization.

In this case, do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one?

In this particular case, I think the answer is no.

I believe this will profoundly change how Pike perceives his own, seemingly, inevitable sacrifice and the reasons that he does it for. I think with every passing episode of Strange New Worlds, it’s going to prepare him for that moment in its own unique way. Hopefully, by the time he reaches it, he will be sacrificing himself with a sound heart and mind (which is something he does not have right now but we’ll get into that later).

If we can extrapolate from the dialogue and facts of the episode, Magellus isn’t at all the enlightened utopia that it pretends it is. The guard that Alora kills calls their society a hell. They refuse to help others in need with their technology, including colonies of their own desperate people. The blood of generations of small children is on the hands of everyone who is complicit in The Ascension of The First Servant. The whole thing is very Those Who Walk Away From Omelas by Ursula K LeGuin. At least in this case, those who are walking away (namely, The First Servant’s father) intend on returning with reinforcements.

All I can think of is our culture’s attitude toward front line essential workers and disabled people even now as the pandemic rages on. How our culture and our government is so desperate to return to a sense of “normalcy” that in the US we have the highest rate of COVID-19 deaths in the world to date.

Our normal was never good, and in our insistence to return to it, immunocompromised people die in droves, the comorbidity of being a minority, for the greater “good” of our civilization. The victims are in the minority, and no matter how much we call it a noble sacrifice to our sense of normalcy or our economy, it is unprecedented, horrendous, and worst of all unnecessary. Most of all because the people who die from COVID don’t choose to, just like raffling off a child to become The First Servant. They don’t consent to their deaths, the society that sustains the bloody cycle does.

It is not the minority that should be sacrificing itself, but the majority that should change so that everyone can live, no deaths required. Whatever the discomfort may be, it’s better than the alternative. The Magellans could leave their city, their so-called paradise if they really cared that a child had to be murdered every few years to sustain their way of life. But they do not and have not, and may never unless a great unrest takes place.

Now how does all of this apply to Pike’s journey?

I keep mulling over in my head the key similarities and differences in the Magellan edict and Pike’s mantra from Through The Valley of Shadows.

Science, Servitude and Sacrifice VS Service, Sacrifice, Compassion, and Love

What the Magellans lack that Pike (and in turn the Federation) does not is the additions of compassion and love. Which is why the First Servant’s sacrifice is in vain, as it is to a unloving and unsustainable culture. It is also, ironically, what Pike lacks regarding, not other people, but himself.

It’s something we have seen him struggle with since the very beginning, as in The Cage. As in Dr. Boyce saying “damnit Chris you treat everyone on board like a human being except yourself!” When he says he serves the living and the dying, he is absolutely referring to Chris, who lives like he’s dying.

Pike, like many other captains we know, has a serious Martyr/God complex. He’s depressed on an existential level, he is looking for reasons worth dying for rather than for reasons to live. He’s even treating his eventual disability like death so he doesn’t have to think about living! Even though he will very much still be alive after the radiation takes his voice and mobility away from him. “If I don’t save them who will? If I don’t die for a cause who will? Surely, I am the only person who can do this, this is the only way I can do this, and there’s no unforeseen consequences to this action I’ve yet to take! Sounds convenient!”

He’s clinging to terminal deadlines because he doesn’t want to think about the future, the real future, the one he’s a part of. He’s constantly, constantly looking for a good enough reason to die so that the people who love him will stop arguing with him about it. Pike is using his paragon of martyrdom persona and his captaincy to hide that he is incredibly depressed. He doesn’t want a future that he can’t imagine, so he’s decided it’s going to end with the only answer he’s received, regardless of it’s context.

He puts very, very little value on his own life. Constantly hurling himself into immediate danger throughout his time on Discovery, out of guilt and out of principle, and out of his own unaddressed emotional struggles. I think the only reason he’s (mostly) stopped doing that in Strange New Worlds is that he is holding out for the big one. He has to live so he can “die” later. He’s got “I give my life for you” down pat, has learned to tolerate “you give your life for me” but severely lacks in “nobody gets left behind.”

Spock ends up following this pattern too under a veneer of logic, and as much as both of these characters preach that the needs of the many outweigh their own, and that that mantra holds truth and nobility to it, that doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of saving as well.

Spock puts himself at great risk to ensure Pike lives a full life in The Menagerie (messy/problematic metaphors aside), Kirk and the Enterprise crew risk their lives to bring Spock back from the dead in The Search for Spock. Nobody gets left behind, the needs of the few motivate the many to change themselves, often for the better. ‘You gave your life for us, we give our lives for you’ ensures everyone lives, not that one person dies. Even when that one person believes their purpose is to die for others.

My hope is that tragedy Pike witnessed in Magellus puts things into perspective for him and that other episodes continue to do so. So that when the time comes, he doesn’t sacrifice himself because he doesn’t think his life is important, or at least, that it’s only important because of that moment. Hopefully before the end Pike figures out the most important things to him about living. Learning to value himself before the accident permanently changes him and his capabilities. That when he does sacrifice himself it’s because he loves life, and loves who he is as a person, and gives of himself in spite of that. Or perhaps something else may come into play…

Given the overarching themes of perspective in Strange New Worlds, I don’t think his fate, or where his storyline appears to end in The Menagerie, are exactly as they seem. And I am greatly looking forward to seeing that narrative spun if SNW continues to move in this direction.

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ecargmura · 4 months

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Frieren: Beyond Journey's End Episode 17 Review - See You Later, Sein

There wasn’t a Frieren episode last week due to it being the holidays in Japan. Now that everyone had their fun with festivities, it’s back to anime broadcasting over there and anime reviews here with me. I’m glad to be returning to writing Frieren reviews because my Fridays don’t feel the same without this show now. The show returns with a new opening and a change in the ending animation while using the second verse of the same song; while the second opening isn’t as strong as the first one, it has its own flair.

Basically, this episode is buildup to Sein finally leaving the group and how they get by without him. I’m actually sad that Sein left the group because he felt like the perfect companion that balanced the group dynamic. He’s both the older brother and father figure of the group. He’s someone Frieren can give praises to and talk on equal grounds with due to their similarities. He’s a mediator when Fern and Stark get into an argument and undeniably their biggest shipper as he shouted for them to get together; he’s been saying what we’ve all been thinking in that Stark and Fern should get together because they’re so perfect for each other (and because he’s tired of being their therapist).

He came on this journey to find Gorilla who happens to be in a village on the other side of Frieren’s destination. That’s the reason why they decide to part. I do like how Sein did struggle at first on whether he should part with the group because he has grown so attached to them. Since his story is about not living with anymore regrets, that’s what he does. He takes a step forward and goes on his way to finding Gorilla. I did like that their departure was brief. There wasn’t any emotional good-byes or anything. All Frieren said was “See you later, Sein.” I just hope this means Sein will return because no one says “See you later” to someone and never see them again. Sein better return with Gorilla. I’d love to see the group’s dynamic with Gorilla in tow; it’d probably be crazy. Now that Sein left, they lack a healer. While Frieren isn’t a healer, she does have knowledge of basic holy magic and herbs. Sein’s presence still lingers as he left a notebook of medicinal herbs just in case they get hurt. Sein is the group’s dad; there’s no denying it.

The group’s dynamic minus Sein remains the same how it was before he joined, but they do feel a bit closer now. However, the second half of the episode has it where we see Frieren and Stark bonding and Stark learning more about the relationship between Frieren and Fern. Since we rarely see Frieren and Stark without Fern, it was a nice episode to see how they’re like without her. They’re both awkward people, but their interactions are surprisingly mature. From the time Stark spent with both ladies, he knows how they are. The Frieren he knows is a powerful mage, but a lazy and awkward person. To see her rather softer and motherly side towards Fern is a rare sight that even surprises him. He doesn’t find it bad; I think he rather enjoys learning a newer side of Frieren. I think it’s always a good thing to see different sides to people even if you know them for a long time.

I did like that Frieren enjoying learning and bonding with people was because of the time she spent with Himmel, Heiter and Eisen. Getting Sein to go on a journey was because it was what Himmel would’ve done as he did it for her long ago. A lot of her actions after Himmel’s death has been because of her bond with the hero. Himmel has been a driving force for everyone in the party. His kindness is his strongest trait. It’s the reason why Heiter adopted Fern. It’s the reason why Eisen adopted Stark. It’s the reason why Frieren decided to go on a new journey to learn about people; a result of her wanting to learn about people is how she held Fern’s hand when she was sick. Himmel had held her hand when she had a cold; it left a huge impact on her, hence why she does it with Fern. Himmel said that children aren’t the only ones that need emotional support in times of sickness, which was why Frieren goes so far to praise adults with head pats and hold Fern’s hand; she learned how to be emotional support and is using that knowledge. I think this scene was rather impactful because it’s an amalgamation of what Frieren learned throughout her life thanks to Himmel.

I do like how the party has terrible luck when it comes to winter as they got stuck in another blizzard. Fortunately, the area they were in had a small village, so they didn’t have to be stuck in a lone cabin with little resources like how it was back in Episode 11. I also noticed that they prayed before eating their food, so the lessons they learned with Kraft is stuck with them now. I really like seeing small details like this. It shows growth and development from the main party. My favorite parts of the episode was when Frieren and Stark found the icicle cherry blossom tree. That was a beautiful tree. However, the funniest part was when Frieren found the mushroom and Stark freaked out over how large it looks when foraged; the part where she mixes the ingredients in a big cauldron like a witch was hilarious too! Frieren and Stark were so cute in the second part of the episode.

Now that they’re going to reach Äußerst in the next episode. Since the mage exam will focus on Fern and Frieren, what will Stark do when the exam happens? Wait around? I just hope this exam arc will be good. Bringing in a bunch of new characters at once can definitely be a hit or miss since “tournament” arcs usually drag a show. I hope it isn’t the case with Frieren. What are your thoughts on this episode?

#frieren beyond journey's end #sousou no frieren #frieren #fern #stark #sein #review #anime #anime review #ecargmura #arum journal

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hisnowbie2 · 7 months

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♤ ♡ 𝔼𝕟𝕙𝕪𝕡𝕖𝕟 ◇ ♧

Welcome to Alasta Ice Wons: ENHYPEN, whereby you will be visiting ENHYPEN with individual universes, telling their stories. Be sure to buckle your seatbelt and drive through emotions within each series and oneshots~

Legend:

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ -ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Insecurities 🖇

¤ With a help from Beomgyu, Heeseung managed to get Y/N to be hers, but with her insecurities because of her boyfriend's visual, what can Heeseung do to make her feel comfortable? ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

May I Know Your Name? ⚕️♻️

¤ A world whereby from the day you were born, you got yourself implanted with a mind control chip that erase your bad memories, Nam Sooyoung and Lee Heeseung are a pair that is focused in this story. Their story filled with ups and downs, but where do they end up? And how did their story starts? ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Last Pursuit 🖇

¤ "Last Pursuit" is a game whereby a bunch of random people get involved either being a Tracker, or a prey. It is just lucky that they only get to play one day. Not that it cause people's death... right? ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Choose One ⚕️♻️

¤ You didn't mean it when you said to your friends that you have financial problems and in need of money. It is just a joke, a prank that you see on Tiktok. But it somehow makes you wonder how on earth did one of your particular friend to get you into a company, which was once unindebted and successful.

Friends called you their lucky charm, but you would describe yourself as a fast learner. ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

A Pair of Sparks 🖇

¤ Subway stations are always the best way to meet a person. Even in dramas, main characters tend to walk past each other, and directors did them a good job by making them meet again. But Y/N and Jake meet at their first time, and they already feel a connection between them. ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Furry You ⚕️💠

¤ You adopted one furry, and one furry is enough, because eversince your history with furry wasn't nice, you still decided why not? Not all furries are the same. Even your friends whined you to have one, since you couldn't pull a boyfriend for your last 24 years. And so you did adopt one furry, a golden retriever hybrid. Things might not have start out well, but at least it's going to be good in the end, right? ... Right? ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Pure Nape of Hers ⚕️♻️

¤ A vampire that supposedly everyone thinks they do not exist, clearly exist in her world. Pretend is a key to survive, though no vampire hunter. The world is obviously not open-minded either.

A human that has nothing with the vampire, came across with each other one day at school, but the contact surely isn't good at all. By right, no one can even understand what happened.

"Stare at me deep down." As the vampire was then forcefully clicked with the human.

"Invite me in." As the human wants to get in the vampire's life. ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Pseudonym racer⚕️♻️

The roar of legal racers fills the night, keeping it vibrant and bustling as they compete under the cover of darkness. But Seolhee remains unfazed. As a home-schooled girl with little social interaction beyond her tuition teacher, she becomes intrigued when she notices a striking similarity between her tutor's voice and that of one of the seven racers. Despite being a model student with top grades and government approval for her tutor's academic pursuits, could Seolhee be unknowingly entangled in the world of legal racing? One thing's for sure: she's determined to find out.

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Buckshot Roulette ⚕️🔆 ♻️

¤ The percentage of getting a bullet right into your head is high, but at the same time, you wouldn't know unless you try. It's a game of Russian Roulette, but with a different gun. Everyone has a magic gun. It is like a wand in Harry Potter, but no one knew whether is it loaded with empty shells and live shells, or completely empty: unloaded. ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Criminal's Lover 🖇

¤ Kim Haneul, Kim Haneul, Kim Haneul. A girl born in a yandere family. Well, it was actually her father that has the yandere trait, and her mother being the victim. But no one knows. Now that Kim Haneul has a target, she will never leave him alone, checking out every, single, detail, of him. By right also helping him achieve something that he longs for. ¤

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

Play a song to listen

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ -ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

#enhypen angst #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #enhypen fluff #lee heeseung #jay park #jake sim #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #park jongseong #sim jaeyun #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fake texts #kpop

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mediamixs · 7 months

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Horrible near-death experiences: the infernal side no one talks about

Near-death experiences (NDEs) are triggered during singular life-threatening episodes when the body is injured by blunt trauma, a heart attack, asphyxia, shock, and so on. Thousands of survivors of these harrowing touch-and-go situations tell of leaving their damaged bodies behind and encountering a realm beyond everyday existence, unconstrained by the usual boundaries of space and time. Researchers have identified the common elements that define NDEs, including impressions of being outside one's physical body, visions of deceased relatives and religious figures, and transcendence of egotic and spatiotemporal boundaries. However, some NDEs can be distressing, such as the void experience, which is an ontological encounter with a perceived vast emptiness, often a devastating scenario of aloneness, isolation, sometimes annihilation.

Some who were about to die claim to have seen the dark side of the afterlife, a tenebrous place populated by creatures of the satanic imaginary: demons, harpies and similar monsters. In 1975, Raymond Moody's Life After Life was published, the first book to compile stories of people whose hearts stopped beating for a few seconds and came back to life.

Those who lived the negative experience claim to have been trapped in the void, in a dark space of absolute calm, sometimes full of geometric figures, overwhelmed by the sensation that everything is absurd, that nothing makes sense. In the third case, the person finds himself in real hell, surrounded by flames and demons, locked in a sordid space with no possibility of escape.

Between 4 and 5 percent of people who experience an NDE perceive it as a negative experience. The figure could be even higher, due to the difficulty for some people to recall such a painful experience. Explaining it means going through the trauma all over again. Also, many people are convinced that this negative experience is a kind of punishment for their bad behavior throughout their lives.

A possible negative experience

Just as life has a dramatic, hard side, so does death and in the arduous journey of discernment it should not frighten, rather it should be a wake-up call to live committed to life and its infinite potential. Choosing at each vital crossroads according to the best values of the human spirit, keeping in mind that a life may not end happily in a tunnel of light, it is a bitter tension with which one must coexist all our earthly lives, only then can freedom be exercised.

Kevin, a 40-year-old American Airlines airline pilot, had a negative near-death experience: I had an accident driving my van on a road and was severely injured between the twisted irons of the van, I feel myself begin to float above my mangled body when I was sucked into a dark void where an evil, terrifying presence was waiting for me, it was evil itself, I understood that given the life I had lived that would be my eternity, I begged for a second chance and after a time that seemed eternal I woke up in my physical body and on my way to an emergency room.

The descriptions of hell in the infernal NDEs do not usually coincide with the contemporary idea of hell in the West, which is that which arose from the ideas of St. Augustine and the terrifying imagination of Dante Alighieri, rather they describe dark voids, suffocating places, deformed beings, total absence of spiritual light. In the New Testament the term used for the place of post mortem punishment is Gehenna, which refers to the valley of Gehenna, scene of human sacrifices to the god Moloch and therefore a cursed place for the Jews of the first century, it was a garbage dump at that time and so in the Gospels hell is a garbage dump rather than a place of torture, very similar to the descriptions of the infernal NDE.

For those who have had an experience on the threshold of hellish death, it can even arise from a glorious NDE but interpreted negatively, it is important to integrate it into life and consider it as an evolutionary event rather than as a future condemnation. The idea is to learn and evolve, to start again as many times as necessary.

#horror #beyond evil

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novelmachine · 1 year

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Wonderful and Strange

PART 1: Their Simple Dreams Have Become Nightmares

Oh shit we’re doing parts now. Oh okay yeah. This was an entirely different post, a little one strictly focused on Finn and what his other “versions” might be. Then the latest episode of Bittersweet dropped and I am still picking up the pieces. Here I am diving a little deeper into the lore because I hyperfixate and cannot let things go. I’ve gone over characterization and theories based on the events of Bittersweet and it’s sister series Echoes of Evalas and Shattered (formerly titled [REDACTED]). Looking at this post now, it’s more of a breakdown of what we know combined with wild speculation. So more of the same, but broader. I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be worthwhile in the end.

PART 2: He’s Watching

It’s been established that Finn is weird. He’s throwing off the vibes. He is the most flexible character in the Yuuriverse canon. While different original characters have had AUs (see Cowboy Seth and SW Alphonse) Finn shows the most range. The main point of interest is Source Finn, the storyteller, “scribe and steward, lover and friend, protagonist and antagonist.” [1] He is capable of crossing between the world of Evalas and the worlds of the Dreamers, memory manipulation, and time displacement. Through studying the portals to these dreamscapes he learned everyone’s story doesn’t end with death. They carry on in some distant plane. It is Finn’s responsibility to sooth the souls that pass on [2] and make sure the power held by those souls is not abused. Why he began this work in the first place is still unclear.

Source Finn, although not the first to premiere in audios, is considered the “blueprint” for all other Finns in the canon: the gardener, the bunny, and the barista. All of them share similarities, such as a bright personality and an affinity for magic. It’s thought that the beings that exist in the Dreamers’ worlds are those that have died and moved on from Evalas; a kind of afterlife. With that in mind, it could be concluded that these versions of Finn that live outside of Evalas should not exist. One could argue these are doppelgangers. However, doppelgangers are oftentimes depicted as harbinger of bad luck or evil twins. [3]This might be the case for Yandere Finn. However, the rest may simply be shadows of the original. Echoes perhaps. The existence of Bunny Finn is a big clue that they may have been thoughtforms all along. He is a literal plot bunny, "an idea for a story (usually used to refer to fanfic) that gnaws at the brain until written." [5]

It’s very possible these Finns were not made with intention. The existing fragments of Finn are the memories he left behind. Finn should not have been in these other worlds because he had not yet passed on. Still, he left a large enough impression. Dreamers remembered him. The worlds beyond Evalas compensated for his presence when Source Finn returned home. Residual memories of a strong enough being became autonomous thoughtforms. These echoes are real inside the Dreamers’ worlds, left to their own devices, some more concrete and tangible than others. The longer their storyline persists, the stronger they become, blissfully unaware of where they came from.

PART 3: Reality is an Illusion, the Universe is a Hologram

By the end of Bittersweet Chapter 3, we know that Finn has not the unintrusive voyeur. He had reprimanded his fellow steward before he too became a Dreamer. After his passing, Finn began to indulge. Seth recalls someone telling him about how someone can cast a spell under the right conditions. [7] After speaking with him, Alphonse remembers meeting Finn at a gas station long after his parents had passed away. [8] He may have been the driving force behind Alphonse returning to Seth one last time and saving him. There may have also been instances overlooked that could have been Source Finn instead of one of his fractals. Bunny Finn acts so confused about his situation, and doesn’t recognize he’s in his own garden. [9] Garden Finn is cryptic and poetic when describing a honeysuckle and the deeper meanings behind flowers. [10]

Things are not as they should be, and it’s not just taking a toll on Source Finn. It’s heavily insinuated that Bunny Finn found his way into Garden Finn’s world. [11] Barista Finn is nowhere to be found, with Faust being the only one who might remember he even existed. One of the Bittersweet Chapter 3 Part 11 promo tweets reads "Always the hero. Always the one to act first, ask forgiveness later. It's all perfectly clear to me, you haven't changed a bit, you're just a bit shattered these days." [12] Although the picture associated with the tweet is Alphonse, the wording seems more fitting of Finn’s situation and the shards of himself left behind in the other worlds. This feels more like a quote from Alphonse directed at Finn.

PART 4: Temporary Psychosis

Faust, Derek, Jessie, Alphonse, Seth, and BS!Listener have all been influenced by Finn in some way or another, to a point where they each have some memory of him and what he is capable of. So far the ones who are shown to have remembered the most have had near-death experiences. Alphonse was nearly done in by Derek’s goons, Seth got knocked out with a baseball bat, BS!Listener may have been the one to have been shot at the end of Chapter 3 Part 10, and Derek was stabbed repeatedly by Alphonse all those years ago. This theory does not hold much water, however, when we think of Faust and Jessie. The only thing remotely close could be Faust’s comment about a storm and waves and Faust himself being the sea while Finn is a lighthouse, which could imply an incident with drowning. [13] The title of the audio in question is “Drown It All.”

How much someone knows seems to be proximity and frequency based. Seth, and BS!Listener recall the rewritten events in the city as a dream. Seth knows someone told him about magic under the moonlight, but never puts a name to it. Alphonse has had at least two encounters with Finn. The first was long after his parents had passed, at a gas station. The second is when Finn disappeared the goons who were attaching Al and turned back the clock. Afterwards, Alphonse will get headaches from trying to remember it all. Faust has these same symptoms. He remembers Finn enough to know his proper shift at the coffee shop he frequents, and can describe small traits such as waxing poetic and needing to wear glasses. From this, we can gather that Faust knows Finn well.

Derek seems to be the one who knows or remembers the most. He’s picked up on how convenient the world seems to be for certain individuals. Alphonse was able to get a second chance after a chance meeting with BS!Listener and the town began to accept him. Seth, convicted of attempted murder, involvement in drug dealing, and who knows what else, was released on good behavior after a short period. The Bittersweet trio were seemingly able to have a picturesque Christmas after a turbulent first meeting. Derek believes this may have been orchestrated because they are special in some way, and wants to use this to shape the world in his favor. [14] He insinuates that Jessie was going to use the trio to achieve her goals and refused to explain her knowledge to them. Although it may be a torn scrap of paper, there is possibly a piece of Source Finn’s original purple and red cloak sticking out of the journal Auron found.

Speaking of Auron, after the time shift, he may have been displaced as well. The events of this timeline changed to where Auron made the effort to get the trio out of the way so he could deal with Derek personally. Additionally, although he may not have directly interacted with Finn in the series yet, he has some inkling of Finn’s tower. We could also make the argument that Faust’s barista listener may have been displaced as well. They insist they’ve always worked the same shift and don’t know of anyone who worked there whose name began with F, despite Faust’s argument to the contrary. The veil between Evalas and the other realities is crumbling. The Dreamers are waking up.

PART 5: The Owls Are Not What They Seem

One of the biggest questions that remains unanswered in the Bittersweet/Shattered/Echoes of Evalas saga is who Finn’s fellow steward is. This person was just as invested in the world of the Dreamers as Source Finn is now. They were as close as could be. Together they kept the world of Dreamers a secret from the population of Evalas, all while being scrutinized by the Lord Bishop of the realm. In the end, Finn’s fellow steward fell, and became a Dreamer in the Bittersweet world Finn watches so closely. Based on the evidence we’ve gathered, and their connections to Finn and the world of Evalas, the two most likely candidates are Faust and Auron.

Auron and Source Finn mirror each other as far as story beats and characterization. Auron is associated with tower imagery. He has a lofty office space overlooking the city. He calls his Listener Rookie, or Rook for short, much like the tower chess piece. His stepbrother makes a comment about how out of touch he is, looking down from his ivory tower. [15] The Tower holds great significant to Finn, as that is where his work is done. And of course, there is a large painting of a tower that hangs above his desk. They each deal in indulgence, addiction, and selfishness. They both self-isolate, choosing to carry heavy burdens on their shoulders.

When it comes to Faust, he and Finn compliment each other thematically. Both have a cosmic aesthetic; silver and gold, celestial bodies, blues, purples, and black. Both practice magic in some form. Faust reads tarot and understands auras. Finn can manipulate magic and travel through time and space. Religious iconography and theming surrounds both characters. Faust, for having a made a still unexplained “deal with the devil,” is appropriately named after Doctor Faustus. [16] He assumes the alias Judas at a Halloween party. [17] Evalas may be a theocracy, with members of the religious body such as the Lord Bishop in control. Finn cannot reveal the knowledge he’s become privy to, let alone his own father, or else the faith of may will be shaken and the order enacted will crumble. [18]

While both could fit the role, I believe in Faust slightly more than Auron. The bond Finn and his fellow steward shared was formidable. Although it’s not clear how long ago the steward died and joined the Dreamers, the way Finn mourns speaks volumes. He can’t even bring himself to disturb his old room. [19] Faust hints at how he came to the coffee shop to be comforted by Finn. When his barista Listener urges him to try to remember Finn, he can only describe him as a lighthouse, a guiding light. [20] This sounds like what Source Finn does in his tower as a “soother of souls,” not just a barista Faust saw regularly. When he can’t remember any more, he finds himself crying, as one would over the loss of someone dear to them.

However, there is another player. Finn mentions someone else. “The last person who sought to treat the Dreamers in their worlds as a source of power was stopped before he could perfect his methods.” [21] If we take the dialogue at face value, we could infer Finn is referring to Derek. Upon looking behind the curtain, Derek became power hungry and sought out the Bittersweet Trio. When time was rewound, he was silenced and put to rest. However, that doesn’t make sense with the context of Chapter 3 Part 12, when Auron stumbles upon Derek’s journal. It could be Yandere Finn, who has in past videos made references to other worlds and realities, and a “pathetic mage.” [22] But again, this doesn’t track. To our knowledge, Finn is unaware of the different versions of himself.

If Faust was Finn’s fellow steward, I would propose that Auron was their predecessor. Auron has residual memories of his past life and of Evalas. There’s that portrait of the old tower above the desk in his office. He calls himself a Dreamer very pointedly during his conversation with Jessie. [23] The description of the [REDACTED] playlist reads “Storyteller? Quaint, but I am the ink, and these are my pages.” [24] Auron is a writer, a Dreamer of Dreams. Shattered is his side of the story. This could be a message from his point of view, directed towards Finn, possessively, smugly maybe. To explore how Finn and Auron can have opposing morals and goals, look no further that the Squid Game simulation. [25] Auron is labeled Player #218, while Finn is labeled Player #199. In the Squid Game series, Sang-woo (Player #218) deceived Ali (Player #199) in order to survive and make it to the next challenge. In the YV simulation, Auron wins the final game against Finn. Although created for fun and likely the biggest reach I’ll make in any theory post here, it’s interesting it worked out like that. (Source Finn is labeled Player #001, so yeah it’s more theming than actual plot relevance. Disregard this blurb and let me have fun.)

PART 6: Three Things

Three is a magic number, as the saying goes, and can be an effective writing device. The number three is prominent in the connected Yuuriverse works. As of now, there are three connected series: Bittersweet, Shattered, and Echoes of Evalas. The Bittersweet Trio are a group of characters that are connected on emotional level, and more powerful for it. Finn, Faust, and Auron are a mysterious trio grouped together due to a possible connection to Evalas and the magics Finn experiments with. There is said to be three portals to the Dreamers realms, which is mirrored in the cape Source Finn wears. [26] And finally, there are three Finn fragments—garden, bunny, barista—that were created from the storyteller.

There is the concept of the Rule of Three. The law states that energy of any sort put out into the universe will be returned three-fold. [27] We see this in action in the story of Bittersweet. Small offers of kindness and understanding in the beginning leads to forgiveness and unbreakable bonds. It is strongly implied throughout the later episodes of Chapter 3 that the Bittersweet Trio is powerful. [28] Derek and Jessie could have used them, and Finn confirms that those in Evalas could harness their power as well. [29] The continuous cycle of love could make the trio unstoppable.

Looking more into Evalas, the concept of the afterlife and soothing the souls of the deceased brings to mind chthonic deities and the underworld in Greek mythology. Hecate the gatekeeper, Hermes the guide, Hades the king, all have a role to play in the grand scheme of things. [30] Perhaps Faust, Finn, and Auron will be revealed to have played similar roles. The Underworlds is made up of three planes: Elysium, the Asphodel Meadows, and Tartarus. [31] Elysium is meant for heroes, a paradise where all aspired to go. The Asphodel Meadows is for the normies, left to wander in grayness. Tartarus is well know for imprisonment and punishment. The three portals to the worlds of the Dreamers may parallel these locations.

PART 7: One Hundred Percent Certain That We’re Not Sure

Obviously the story isn’t over yet. Not even close. The Bittersweet trio are finally going home to deal with the aftermath of their excursion. Jessie and Seth have cut ties. Auron has found the breadcrumbs Derek was following. Charlie’s off on his own. Finn is an enigma. Faust is nowhere to be found, waiting to make his grand reappearance. There are still countless unknown variables that will reveal themselves in due time. And we’ll be waiting.

Characters and scripts written by Yuurivoice Artwork created by Jackie Eleanor Sources (1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31)

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