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human-antithesis · 5 months

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In A Stranglehold

The last time I saw you I was hoping to feel the taste of life again Now I'm trying to pretend that I'm still here

Entering the realms of despair Look at me, Can you still see the man you knew? Night's full of sweat and tears Can anybody set me free

Boiling hatred turns into the void of depression I'm so helpless

We thing we know so much about pain Until we give our hearts to the ones who tear them apart Who are killing our dreams Where am I heading to? The path of disgrace

Life will never be the same I would give it all to hold your arms again To breathe in your scent again

To embrace you and feel that flame of passion again

Killing the dreams I'm sick of it all Cutting and cutting Scarlet pools Bleeding through the lament existence

She comes to me in my dreams Dressed in solitude And cuts so deep Drowning in blood She leaves me no chance, no hope The smile of rapture on her face And she's so gentle

I open myself to her Depraved of any other way of behavior I let her in knowing that she will never get out of there

And she enters me Destroying my personality Changing the reality Squeezing my heart and reaching for my mind

#Woe Unto Me #Doom Metal #Belarus #Solitude Productions #Russia #Bandcamp

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pepprs · 6 months

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ok so. today i am going to

fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3

ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3

check into a hotel by myself for the first time

walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today

give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes

#purrs #conference tag #chicago #im very very very scared. that i won’t be able to handle it. i have craved solitude but also don’t know if it’s something i actually want o #if it’s a product of my circumstances. i am not used to being completely alone like that like whenever ive had it there have always been #other ppl in the building that ive had to be cognizant of and that will be true of a hotel too but bc i don’t know the people i will feel #less responsible to them . like obviously im not goi ng to sing at the top of my lungs but i will feel like i can sing which ive never felt #like i can do when ive lived with roommates or at home kinda. idk. my therapist was challenging me to experiment with fear by asking myself #if im really in danger or if im just uncomfortable / about to experience something ive never done before and right now im so extremely #anxious but what i am about to do is not inherently dangerous and i need to recognize im just experiencing something new and do it scared.#like im literally terrified i can’t describe how scared i am in a way that does it justice. but i am going to be okay. and when i tell #myself that i make it so.#trina vega voice im a woman…… [about to be] in ch!cago….. who’s SCARED!#i also have no idea how to be in a big city and be safe. like what do i do if im followed or if someone tries to attack me or something.#obviously the chances of that are extremely slim but ive had it hammered into me that if i am alone in a city that’s what’s going to happen #to me bc i am such a ~weak and defenseless small young woman~ lol. but bc i believed the fear and have had very little experience in citie #i have no idea how to navigate them or to be safe which creates the problem. like it makes it true that i am weak and defenseless bc i have #been shielded from being able to learn how to be smart and strong and cognizant of my surroundings. and i am so angry about it and hope tha #i will SHATTER that sense when im there and come away from it w confidence ive never had before #like i don’t have… pepper spray or anything like that. idk if that’s a thing ppl actually carry on them or if it’s just a thing ppl say. i #genuinely have zero idea at all. and i really really hope i won’t be in a situation where i’ll wish i had some. i doubt i will be but still

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eris-dis-cord · 4 months

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A Late Post.

Had quite an eventful week.

The highlight has been a solitude filled evening with Latte and a savoury Korean Bun (yum), a quest to engage into a new hobby. Dressed up to work for no particular reason.

I ventured into journaling (naive attempt) my thoughts, it has made feel so relaxed and liberating from the stress I had been piling up. So, yep people Journaling helps. Tried and tested.

Moving into the weekend with Good vibes.

Hope...

Snippets from the week.

Also, on a side note. 'Am I blue?' (Literally:P)

#100 days of productivity #motivation #coffee #latte #cafe #solitude #journalling #korean food #savoury #ethnicwear #jhumkas #blue

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gh0stblr · 2 years

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8/28/2022

today was a fun day! i started off by taking pics of my reputation book sleeve pattern test for my ig (@/ghost.makes) and the post is doing super well which is great :D

then i went to a used book store and picked up some great ones! so so excited about them since i'm in my classics era lol

i ended the day fting one of my favorite friends who always brightens my mood <3 i'm also planning on finishing my current read, all of us villains, after posting this!

i have a ton of classes tomorrow that will most likely come with a truckload of notes which is horrible for me but great for upcoming blog posts!

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unearthlydream · 3 months

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i'm so exhausted from this week that i'm just in my office jack torrance staring at my computer. really hoping my ears have my back so i can revert to looking like a human if someone walks past my door

#my office is unfortunately at a very central point of the office and everyone passes it to go to the kitchen or the bathroom and i'm always #like ugh fuck pls get out of here i need to be ugly and dissociate in solitude #personal #clearly having a very productive day lol

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the-learning-hub · 1 year

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Exploring the Reasons Behind Why We Sit in Our Rooms Doing Nothing for Hours

Have you ever found yourself sitting in your room, staring off into space, with hours passing by without you realizing it? You’re not alone. Many of us have experienced this phenomenon of “zoning out” in our own personal spaces. But why does it happen? And more importantly, how can we break out of this cycle? First, let’s address the underlying causes of this behavior. Boredom is often cited as…

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#Boredom #Comfort #Inactivity #introspection #Loneliness #Mind-wandering #Mindfulness #Procrastination #Productivity #Relaxation #Self-reflection #Solitude #Stress #Time-wasting #well-being

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mstase · 4 months

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☾ you find happiness when you are..

moon in the houses

MOON IN THE 1ST HOUSE: you find the most joy in being able to freely convey your emotions, forming connections with others, nurturing those around you, recharging in solitude, making independent choices, and trusting your instincts.

MOON IN THE 2ND HOUSE: you experience happiness when you achieve financial stability, can provide for yourself and loved ones, feel secure and worthy, possess numerous assets and possessions, maintain control, and are surrounded by comfort and familiar things.

MOON IN THE 3RD HOUSE: you experience the most joy when expressing your feelings through writing or speech, having someone to talk to, engaging in conversations with siblings and friends, participating in meaningful discussions, reading, learning new knowledge, and feeling stimulated.

MOON IN THE 4TH HOUSE: you find happiness in emotional security, having a safe haven, feeling protected, receiving comfort and nurturing, earning praise from your family, fostering positive relations within your family, and feeling a sense of belonging and acceptance.

MOON IN THE 5TH HOUSE: you experience the greatest joy when expressing your childlike nature, being surrounded by fun people, engaging in creative hobbies, enjoying freedom from responsibilities, expressing yourself dramatically, and feeling recognized and accepted.

MOON IN THE 6TH HOUSE: you find the most joy when you’re productive, sticking to a stable daily routine, offering help to others, accomplishing tasks, receiving recognition for your efforts, maintaining a healthy body, solving problems, and keeping your home well-organized and tidy.

MOON IN THE 7TH HOUSE: you find happiness in companionship, cultivating deep emotional connections, maintaining balanced and fair relationships, mutual understanding, empathizing with others, feeling nurtured, feeling accepted, and having a reliable person to lean on.

MOON IN THE 8TH HOUSE: you find the most joy when you can trust and feel trusted, express intimate emotions, be vulnerable, feel a sense of safety, have secure financial matters, discover secrets, know what motivates people, and establish deep connections with others.

MOON IN THE 9TH HOUSE: you find happiness in mental stimulation, embracing change and variety, experiencing freedom of thought, exploring different places, expanding your knowledge, seeking wisdom, trying new things, embarking on adventures, daydreaming, and learning about diverse cultures and foreign subjects.

MOON IN THE 10TH HOUSE: you find joy in receiving recognition for your career, maintaining a positive reputation, gaining approval from the public, witnessing progress, pursuing a career that resonates with your emotional needs, feeling validated, earning trust, and emotionally connecting with others.

MOON IN THE 11TH HOUSE: you find happiness in forming friendships, establishing connections with like-minded individuals, embracing individuality, feeling involved in a group or community, sharing innovative ideas, helping others, bringing people together, and nurturing harmony within your social circles.

MOON IN THE 12TH HOUSE: you find the most joy in solitude, connecting with your inner self, valuing privacy, residing in a peaceful environment, engaging in artistic pursuits, escaping into imaginative realms, daydreaming, and exploring the hidden things in life.

#astrology #astro community #astro #astro notes #astrology observations #astrology community #astrology notes #astro observations #astro placements #moon in the houses #astrology moon #moon in the 12th house #moon in the 5th house #moon in the 8th house #moon in the 1st house #moon in the 10th house #moon #astrology houses

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apretentiousreader · 1 year

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100 Days of Productivity 3/100

I did not get as much done today, but with a full shift at work, I'm still pretty proud of the few things I did get done.

Read for at least an hour and a half. Which was really nice.

Got my Nanowrimo project all set up, and worked on planning.

And filmed a couple tik toks because that's a thing I do apparently.

#dark academia aesthetic #dark academia #100 years of solitude #columbian literature #classic lit #classic literature #classic lit aesthetic #lit blog #nanowrimo #writing #writeblr #creative writing #100 days of productivity #cozy #cozy aesthetic #cozy vibes #yes is the large print edition #don't @ me

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jupitermoontarot24 · 16 days

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18+😈🐾Bratty Habits That Drive Your FS Insane‼️💜

Enjoy the reading... CHECK OUT MY PAETRON FOR MORE

Piles 1-5

YOUR NOT SO NICE HABITS THAT YOUR FS CANT GET ENOUGH OF 💘

Pile 1 🦋

Welcome

Habit of yours that drives your future spouse insane is that they are not sure how destructive you can get. they feel like they might only know the surface level of your anger and destructiveness because you're sweet with them but they know it's an underlying chaos to you. I feel like they might get glimpses of this when you go out with your friends and you tell them stories about what you did. They might be like okay that was wild lol. They want to know how crazy you can get but they want to do this in the most peaceful way possible. they want to see your Wild Side. They do want you to drive them to Crazy Town. They think it's sexy. They like when you go out with your friends and get crazy and wild, they like this energy from you. they might even like picking you up from girls nights where you get a little bit too drunk. I think your future spouse likes when you get drunk or party in general. they like when you come home horny and you want them to pull it out immediately or even on the drive home. they like when you send them drunk texts or horny facetimes anything like that they love that. it drives your future spouse crazy when you tease them this could be drunk or sober they absolutely love this. I think you are just a natural tease. This could even be with words. It doesn't have to be you physically teasing them but even talking dirty to them or making them wait even if it's not dirty. They like When you are a “know it all “and you talk about a specific topic and teach them even if they already know about it or if you just talk and talk they love it. they love when you pretend not to wear skimpy outfits to turn them on. like if you wear a short dress or your cleavage is out and you know it turns them on but you act like you didn't do that on purpose they love that. They could also like when you ignore them or act like you didn't see their text messages or calls. A bratty habit of yours that drives your future spouse crazy is that you could be a little emotionally distant sometimes. you can also over think situations and you might get advice from other people about what you should do next. I think they like this though because you're not quick to act on a decision you'll sit and process it and even ask opinions from other people before you do something. You can also be really close with your friends so it's like they know that you would be quick to leave if they did something wrong because you have a good support system and you don't need anyone. because you're emotionally distant sometimes you don't have a problem cutting people off. You might get very hot and cold with your fs and they like this. One second you might be all over them, the next second you might be like I'm leaving, then the next you're in bed with them. Sometimes you have a battle of head over heart but they know that in the end you'll listen to your mind if you need to. Your moods change a lot and they like this.

Pile 2 🐱

You could ask your future spouse for money to hang out with your friends a lot and they like this. I think you're really into maintenance for your body so you can always need your hair done, your makeup done on certain products and they like this. You can spend a lot of money on clothes, feminine products, and perfumes. you can blow a lot of your money on your friends as well take your friends on shopping sprees on your future spouse's dime and they like this. Your future spouse might have to schedule to hang out with you, especially if you already have plans with your friends you won't cancel those plans for them. You might buy duplicate items that you already have with their money or over consume certain things.

A bratty habit of yours that your future spouse that drives your fs crazy is you like solitude. you could sit by yourself in your room and occupy yourself with a million things. I think you also get reassurance from yourself So it's really hard to sway your opinion and they like this. You are also very patient but because of this you could be slow moving but they like this. they like that you have the time and patience to nurture something even if you move as slow as a turtle. You're never in a rush so you might delay your plans to hang out with. you might have people waiting on you and you're still playing around with your fs in bed they like that. You could also prioritize food. it's like you might need stuff to be a certain way before you can relax including your food made a certain way or certain things. it might also be hard to get in contact with you because you make the things you want to do first the priority before you meet with anyone else and they like this. You could also test them inappropriately and in public. You might rub on their dick or up their thigh while you guys are at dinner or at the movies or something. You also become really clingy when you're in love so you might be attached to your future spouse. it's like when you're around you want them to have all the attention on you and you're attached to them but when you have something else to do, you completely disengage from your future spouse and you are focused on what's in front of you. you could also act a fool when you're out with your friends.

Pile 3 👑

Welcome

Your future spouse is obsessed with your bratty habit of going to sleep. you could go to sleep when you have something to do or you have somewhere to go but you go to sleep instead this drives them insane in a good way. you might get all dressed up or have a important place to be but you decide to chill at home or take a nap with them. They like when you get quiet, like if you're out in a group of people and you might not say too much. You could be really observant and like to read a room before you speak too much, they like this. So basically they like it when you give people the cold shoulder even if it's not on purpose maybe you just not feeling talkative that day. Also like when you're not dressed appropriately for certain occasions, like maybe you're going bowling but you're dressed provocatively or just overdressed. Fur coat at the movies? Yes please Heels to bowling? Yes ma’am. They like when you ask them to go get things for you at weird hours of the night. like if you're hungry and you want something and it's really late they actually like this. I think they like this because they're not willing to do this for a lot of people so they like being in this provider energy for you and getting anything that you want. they like when you want PDA in public. you might only like PDA when you're drunk and they like that, this person might like PDA all the time so they like when you're under the influence. Like that you're secretive and that they have to dig to find out certain things about you. they like when you are Stern and maybe a little bit argumentative. I think they actually like arguing with you. You guys might not argue often at all and it turns them on seeing you in the energy. You could be cool, calm, collected and you probably don't allow your emotions to outweigh the situation but when you do get in arguments they really like it. You could be very specific in how you want things to look and they like this. especially when it comes to decorating you could need things to be exactly how you laid them out in your head and you will even take on this by yourself if you have to. You could be pretty popular so you might also agree to a lot plans but then when it comes down to it you can only pick one and you blow everyone else off. They like this as long as its blowing everyone off to hang with them. You could also feel the need to change a lot so you could need to change your hair and your outfits and your aesthetic to feel like yourself or whole again and they like that. They also like when you act disinterested in them. You could make them do most of the work sexually and also rush them if you have somewhere to be or something to do and they like this. yeah you could make plans and then give them some sex before you leave but then rush them the whole time. This actually makes them want you more and makes them feel like they have to Forever chase you because they never know how you really feel or if something else is going on behind the scenes with you lol. This person could also be older than you so you might tease them about their age and they also like this.

Pile 4 🤩

Welcome

A bratty habit that drives your future spouse crazy is that you might not like to help out physically when it comes to things. you're not the type to get your hands dirty or physically put in a lot of strength to help out always. They like that you stay feminine and avoid being too masculine even if it's something that needs to be done. You might not tell them what's wrong with you and just expect them to figure it out or you hold it in or express it in subtle ways and they think this is cute. you might have a really girly aesthetic and you might want to push that on to the decor in your home giving them little input at all. You might not like being told no and you might try to get around when people tell you no. You might have trust issues so you might put your future spouse through little tests to see their loyalty. I think your anger also progresses in stages. You could be calm angry one second to completely burn the house down. Gone Girl energy like you could plot on people and they like that. Yeah your bratty habits can be almost maniacal. you might need certain things to calm you down once you do get angry like sex. Your fs just might have to put you in your place by putting it down in the bedroom. You can be kind of manipulative not necessarily in a bad way but if you want something you might not ask for it directly you might just mention it to the point that your future spouse has to get the hint. You can also play victim like when things go wrong you act Clueless or like it wasn't your fault. You could expect things to go a certain way and for your future spouse to follow the script that you have in your head lol, and they do like this. You also could get jealous easily especially if they have contact with anybody from their past.

Pile 5 😍

Welcome

A bratty habits that drives your fs crazy is that they might have to convince you to tell them what's wrong. You might not be that open when things bother you so they have to really coach it out of you. They like this. It's like when you have to sit down with a baby and convince them to tell you what's wrong, that's the energy they get from you. I don't think you like basic things so when they have to get you something they know that it can't be basic or it has to be something that you would like which is usually not the most normal thing. You are unique so you're into unique things. You might not be the most touchiest person so they may have to Pine for your touch at moments. I think you dress how you want to so you might not always be dressed appropriately for every occasion in whatever way that means. Low cut v shirts at the playground or short shirts at work. I think you're also not the most go-getter person always. I don't think you like to chase the bag. I think you like the bag to chase you so because of that you might not take work as seriously as the average person, they like this because they could be the opposite and it gives your relationship balance. I think you're also quick to boycott or release something that doesn't work for you so you might quit jobs easily or stop drinking Starbucks even if it's your favorite type energy. You could also play a little rough with your things because maybe you're not the most materialistic persons. So basically you're not overly cautious, they admire this .I Think you're not afraid of authority and you might make decisions without thinking of the long-term consequences and they like this. You have this Gone With the Wind energy that your future spouse really likes. I think because sometimes you have no Direction you allow them to lead and they like this, that you're easily led by them. It could turn them on that you trust them to lead you but it can also make them feel some type of way because they might feel like you might get easily led by other people too which makes them want to keep a grip on you more. You also speak up when something is really bothering you or has pissed you off you'll say how you feel and you won't hold back you don't even care if it'll hurt their feelings if its the truth. I think you're overall bougie without feeling need to work too hard and your future spouse is attracted to that.

#daily tarot #love #pac #pick a card #pick a pile #soulmates #tarot #tarot reading #twin flame #18+

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