#Taylors problem is mainly being Taylor

[junebugtwin]

when you have nothing to live for, its easy to find something to die for.

#worm #parahumans #taylor hebert #skitter #feeling :( about taylor at this moment #my girl... #Taylors problem is mainly being Taylor #unfortunately a problem that cannot be solved with ten million deadly brown recluses #it doesn't matter how good she gets or how many people respect or fear her #(or LOVE her :((( ) #because shes the one who has to live in her own body after everything is said and done #when theres no more dicks to be rotted off or bad guys to maim then shes just stuck with herself in the silence #sigh #my art

[roseghoul26]

Part 2

Javier Escuella x femVirgin!Reader

Synopsis: You and Javier are to attend a party in Saint Denis, hoping to rob the owner of the establishment. Your role is to distract the man while Javier sneaks up to his room, stealing bonds rumored to be worth a good bit. The only problem is, the two of you are pretending to be husband and wife, which would be fine if you weren’t completely in love with the man. Will you be able to muster up the courage to finally confess to him, or will your personal anxieties hold you back from getting what you want?

Tags: fluff, smut, friends to lovers, fem!Reader, reader is described to have longer hair but that’s about it, reader is afraid of intimacy, but like still wants it, unwanted touch (not from javier), unwanted sexual advances (not from javier), non consensual touching (not from javier), basically any noncon stuff is not done by javier, degrading language towards women, first kiss, love confessions, virgin reader, not beta read, angst, unsafe sex

Author’s Note: i realized while writing this that the song “Slut!” by taylor works so well with fic, and i was going to change the title to a lyric from it but i already committed to this title

also, this is the part that contains non consensual themes, but there is not actually assault that happens. if you’re not in the right headspace to read something like that, please skip this fic!

part 1 ❉ part 2

If you had to laugh at one more awful joke, and to continue pretending like you were oh so interested in the history of a family’s company, you were going to hurt someone. You were thankful for Javier’s charm, letting him take the lead in most of the conversations, but you could tell that even he was getting exhausted. 

It had been about an hour and a half since the two of you arrived, spending most of your time mingling with the other guests, blending into the crowd as you awaited an opportunity to speak with Lee. But he was apparently a very important man, constantly being whisked away by other people before you could even approach him. He was constantly moving between floors, meaning that even you had to get his attention for a good while to allow Javier a chance to get into his room.

The two leaned side by side at the bar now, each of you nursing a small glass of some brandy. He had his arm around your shoulders, and you observed the crowd with disinterested eyes. Lee was currently in conversation with two other men, and he had been for the last ten minutes. 

Your feet were aching, and the corset was tiring, but it did its job as a distraction. More often than not, you watched men’s eyes roam over your body as Javier talked, and they seemed more eager to answer his questions and engage, if you didn't have a bit longer to look at you. It made you feel disgusted, but you could handle it for a night. But, thankfully, no one had laid their hands on you, mainly because your ‘husband’ was beside you most of the night.

The man beside you bent towards your ear, voice barely audible over the sounds of the party. “Are you doing alright?”

You smiled half-heartedly. “I’m ready to be done.”

“You and me both,” he chuckled dryly. 

“I will say, it’s much more bearable because of you.”

He didn’t respond, but he pulled you in closer. Because his arm was across your shoulders, he had access to exposed skin, and you felt him lightly dance his fingers across it. It felt quite nice, and you felt yourself begin to unwind. 

That was until you watched from across the room as Arthur raised his hands up, in a heated disagreement with another man. You nudged Javier, gesturing over to Arthur with a nod. “I swear, we can’t bring him anywhere.”

Javier laughed. “That we can’t. I’ll be right back, mi amor.” Kissing the top of your head, he removed himself from you, and you felt cold at the lack of contact.You already missed his hands on you, and despite what you believed, the growing fire inside of you didn’t cool down at all when he stopped touching you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? As he made his way toward the cowboy, you heard him begin to defuse the situation; his honeyed words could cool down even the most aggravated people.

As you watched, trying and failing to keep your eyes off the way his hips swayed as he walked, a new presence made themselves known beside you, on the opposite side of where Javier once stood. Taking a sip of your drink, you glanced up at the new figure, nearly choking on your drink when you saw who it was. 

“You enjoyin’ the party, ma’am?”

“I am, Mr. Reginald.” Time to turn on the charm. “The name’s Anna. Anna Howard.” You extended a hand towards him, which he took. He kissed the back of your hand, and you were successful in fighting the urge to pull it away. You were able to get a closer look at him, pretending to look interested in him as you did so. He was older, probably around Hosea’s age, with a scrappy white beard that scratched against your skin even through the glove. His longer hair was slicked back, and he had almost unsettling blue eyes that didn’t even bother to look into yours. His white skin was blotched with red, his cheeks ruddy with drink.

“A lovely name for a lovely woman,” he murmured as he straightened, flashing you a smile that you figured was supposed to be appealing. His teeth were partially rotten, and looked the color of turmeric, and you could smell the alcohol on his breath. But he didn’t let go of your hand. “And you can just call me Lee.”

Pushing back your disgust, you smiled back at him. “A pleasure, Lee. You really know how to throw a marvelous party.”

Disregarding your compliment, you watched his eyes flick to Javier, a look of disdain in his eyes. “Is that your husband?”

Following his eyes, you watched as Javier escorted the man that Arthur was arguing with away, but his eyes were on you, an unspoken question in his eyes. Am I good to sneak away? What you didn’t notice was the barely restrained anger, jaw clenching and unclenching as he watched what was unfolding. You nodded, both at Javier and Lee, and you turned your attention away from Javier. “He is,” you laced your words with disappointment, and you could tell he heard it. “Married for two years.”

Before you could react, you felt the hand still grasping yours rip your glove away, a pleased grin on his face as he examined your hand. You let out a shocked gasp, which he took at you enjoying what he just did, his grin turning even larger. “I thought I didn’t feel a ring.”

“Don’t tell him,” you winked. He let go of your hand, shaking his head with a smile while handing you back your glove, which you slipped back on. You were killing this man in your mind, but you forced your face to seem flustered.

“Any children?”

You shook your head. “It ain’t for a lack of tryin’, though.” You laughed, and he joined in as well. He has still yet to make eye contact with you, eyes practically glued to the rest of your body. Pushing your chest forward, you watch his gross eyes widen. Grabbing your clutch from under your arm, you reapplied the rouge, and for once you watched his eyes flick to your face. Popping your lips, you tucked the rouge away, and you saw how he tracked every movement of yours. You had him right where you wanted him. Now you just needed to give Javier about fifteen to twenty minutes, then he’d be whisking you away, Arthur in tow, and then you’d never have to see this man again.

“I’m surprised your husband let you go out in somethin’ like this,” you felt him run the back of his hand against the bodice of your dress, running just under the cup of your breasts. You stiffened under his touch, but you were thankful that his body language comprehension was absolutely terrible, because he seemed to think you were liking it. You saw Arthur begin to approach the two of you, but he stayed close enough away to not interfere with what was happening, but he was ready to do anything if things went south. 

“Actually, he chose it for me, for tonight.”

“So he likes parading his wife around, like she’s a whore.” 

His words had your blood turning cold, your heartbeat hammering in your ears, and you wanted nothing more than to tear yourself away. You steeled yourself, trying to not seem as affected as you were. “Whatever makes him happy.”

He laughed at that. “You like it, no?”

“I-”

“You like havin’ everyone else’s eyes on you, don’t you. I mean, you were practically pushing your tits to my face a moment ago. You that desperate for attention, huh? Your husband not givin’ you enough?” You wanted to roll your eyes. For the love of…

“I’m sorry, it’s just,” you began to cry, a neat little trick you could pull out whenever you felt like it. “Old habits are hard to break, you know?” You elaborated more. “I used to offer my services to men… that’s how we met. He used to be so sweet.” You laughed bitterly. “But, ever since we got married, he hasn’t been treatin’ me right, always seeing’ other women, comin’ home late, and…” you took a moment to breathe, letting a tear escape from your eye, no doubt smuggling the kohl around it. “And he’s left me so unsatisfied. I wish I never married him!” You were playing into exactly what he wanted to hear, and he was hanging on to every word you said.

He cooed at you, demeaning in every sense of the word. “You poor thing,” his hand tugged at your waist, pulling you into him. 

You tried to push him away, arguing that he might see, but he chuckled. “Look around. He’s nowhere to be seen. He’s probably got his hands on another woman right now. Isn’t that terrible?” He pulled you in close to him with a hand on your hip, and you shuddered.

You nodded, looking around for Javier. Just as he had said, he was gone, and you were content with that, the job going smoothly. “What kinda woman am I, who can’t keep her own husband loyal to her?”

“It’s not your fault, sweet thing. I’m not sure how any man could be unfaithful to a beautiful thing like you…” both hands now wrapped around your waist, pulling your back into him. His lips tickled your ear as he whispered to you, and you held back a gag at the stench. “How ‘bout I show you how a real man treats his woman.” You couldn’t even respond before he was pulling you towards one of the stairs by your hand. He had an iron grip on you, and you found yourself unable to pull away. Glancing behind you, you saw Arthur trying to follow you, but he was stopped by a group that were claiming very loudly that they knew him, getting more and more aggressive by the minute. He looked understandably panicked, eyes not leaving you as he tried to push through the group surrounding him. You mouthed I’m alright, despite the panic that threatened to overwhelm you. 

“Right now?” You sounded calm, much to your surprise. He nodded, not even looking back at you. “What about the party?”

“It’ll be there when we’re done.”

Shit. It had only been about seven minutes since the two of you had started talking, not nearly enough time for Javier to be done. And if he was taking you to his room, that’ll probably be where the bonds are located, and, in turn, where Javier would be currently trying to rob him. So much for the job going smoothly. 

But you didn’t want to raise suspicion, so you went along with Lee, keeping as much distance away from his as you could. He kept his iron grip, nearly causing you to stumble up the stairs, your shoes catching on the carpet. His hands were so much worse than Javier’s, demanding and harsh; the hands belonged to someone who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. 

When you reached the top floor, you let your facade drop slightly, looking around for some exit. Every door looked the same, a deep mahogany, and the hallway seemed to extend to infinity as he marched down it. A thin rug extended down the center of the floor, and so you tried your hardest to walk along the hardwood floor, praying that Javier would hear the approaching noise of your heels. 

Wordlessly, he suddenly halted in front of one of the doors, opening it quickly, pulling you in forcefully. It was at that point you were debating screaming. Would someone come help you? Would they be able to even hear you over the party? Lee was not a large man by any means, old and scrawny, but he still had the upper hand right now. And you didn’t know if he had any weapons on him, and you weren’t too keen on finding out. 

The room, thankfully, was devoid of any other people besides you and Lee. He finally let go of your wrist, and you snatched it close to you, rubbing at the hurt skin. He stepped further into the room, passing by a large closet and dresser that housed a washbin before reaching the bed. Keeping his back turned to you, he slowly began to undress. Now, you debated running out the door behind you. You knew you probably wouldn’t be able to get far, your shoes and dress restricting you from moving easily.

Your mind was made, however, when you saw the closet door creak open, and you barely suppressed a surprised noise. A familiar figure stood hidden in the shadows, various jackets and garments hiding him further, and you nearly cried in relief. It was at that point you noticed the large desk and safe in the corner, your theory that his bonds would be in his room being right. Javier tried to exit, but you stopped him with a panicked look. One slight turn from Lee and he would see. Even in the dark, you could see the conflict on his face, and you held up a finger, telling him to wait. He nodded, and you saw the glint of a blade, which helped to ease your worries. 

“Are you just gonna stand there?” Lee’s gruff voice made you jump, and you turned your attention back to him. He still had his back to you, working off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, his jacket discarded on the bed. 

You didn’t dignify him with a response, making your way to the large window that faced the streets of Saint Denis. It was partially open, a cool night’s breeze tickling your skin. “Don’t think about jumping,” you heard him try to joke, but it came out more as a threat. He had sat on the bed as you approached the window, and you heard the wooden frame creak as he got up. You retrieved the hidden blade from your clutch, pulling off the fake comb top. It was a tiny little thing, a needle compared to the hunting knife you saw Javier frequently use, but it could cause some damage if need be. 

Holding it to your chest, your breathing slowed as you heard him approach, floorboards creaking with each slow step. “I’ll make sure you get paid after this.”

“I said I was a working girl.”

He scoffed. “Sure, whatever makes you feel better.” He took another step towards you. “Get on the bed.”

With the assurance that Javier was also in the room, you found yourself surprisingly confident, shaking your head at his question. That pissed him off, and you could feel the anger beginning to roll off of him. Still, you faced away from him, gripping the blade so tightly that your fingers ached.

“It wasn’t a question. Get on the bed.”

“And I said no.”

In surprising swiftness, you felt his fingers grasp at the back of your neck, and you figured he would’ve gone for your hair if it wasn’t pinned up. His fingers had merely grazed your skin before you were spinning around, the blade flying at his face with unrestrained fury. A streak of crimson cut through the air as you hit your mark, the blade running across the entire side of his face, barely missing his eye by a quarter of an inch. He stumbled back a few feet, shocked, clutching the side of his face. 

Blood poured from his fingers, and he looked up at you with hate in his eyes. “You whore! C’mere!” Lee attempted to lunge for you, but was easily stopped Javier wrapped his hand around the face of the man, muffling him as he pulled him down to the ground. His knife pressed into the delicate skin of his neck, pressing so hard that droplets of blood began to appear. A shocked noise that turned into a muffled noise left Lee’s mouth, turning into a cry when Javier dug the knife in deeper. A satisfied smirk graced his lips when he heard Lee reduced to a whimpering mess, and his blazing eyes found yours. 

Ignoring your desire, you sighed in relief, and you let your arms loosen, the blade falling to your side. “What do you want to do with him, mi amor?” Javier sounded almost breathless, and you watched as the blood from Lee’s wound began to coat Javier’s hand. 

A part of you wanted to see him dead on the floor, but you refrained yourself. “Let him live,” was all you said, not bothering to give an explanation, not that you had one; you just didn't want him to die. 

Not yet, that is.

Letting out a sigh that almost sounded like disappointment, Javier adjusted his blade so that it was no longer completely digging into Lee’s skin. “You’re lucky that I listen to what she tells me, cabrón. If she wasn’t here, you’d be long dead. You know what…” Javier moved his hand so that it no longer covered his mouth, but he kept his blade where it was, ready to move if he decided to make a noise. “Why don’t you tell her how thankful you are that she spared your miserable life?”

Lee took a few shuddering breaths, tears mixing in with the blood that streaked down his face. “T-Thank you,” he rushed out, eyes squinting closed as he braced himself for the final blow from Javier.

“And…”

“And?” Lee practically squawked. 

“You said some pretty nasty things to her. Maybe you ought to apologize.” You watched Javier’s jaw clench as he recalled the small bit he heard, and it was evident that he was using every ounce of restraint in his body to not just end Lee then and there. If he knew what all was said to you, then Lee would be lifeless right now.

“I’m sorry!” Lee cried out, and Javier gave an approving noise in response. You couldn’t care less if he apologized to you. Quite honestly, it was much more rewarding watching Javier force the man into submission. You realized watching him like this was turning you on, growing increasingly warmer despite the cold air from the window. 

You needed to speak to a doctor. Or a priest. 

“Very good,” Javier praised, his voice gravelly. “Now that that’s out of the way.” With ease, you watched him flip the knife around his fingers, now holding it in a way that allowed him to bash the butt of it against Lee’s head. He fell to the ground like a sack, body hitting floor with a thud. 

You weren’t quite sure what to do with yourself, too many emotions running through your body. Anxiety still persisted in your brain, reminiscing over all the what ifs and scenarios that could have transpired if Javier hadn’t been in the room. You were grateful that he was here, and there was that feeling in your chest again, increasing with every beat of your heart. And much to your surprise and embarrassment, you found yourself aroused, every fiber of your being needing Javier.

He stood in front of you know, deep concern in his eyes as he regarded you. You watched as he raised his hands up, ready to wrap his arms around you, until he saw the blood on his hand, and realized you wouldn’t want to be touched right now. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

Without saying anything, you placed the blade back into your clutch, not bothering to recover it back up. You grabbed the handkerchief instead, and you felt his eyes on you as you grasped his wrist gently with your other hand, pulling it towards you. He had his jacket on still, which did enough to hide the blood that stained his clothes, but a few specks still dotted the white sleeves of his shirt that poked out.

Pulling him toward the wash bin, you dipped the handkerchief into the water before you got to work on wiping away his skin. He tried to protest, but you cut him off with a gentle yet firm look.Javier set his blade on the dresser, and the two of you stood in silence, the only sound your breathing and the occasional splash of water as you redipped the handkerchief into it. The water turned from clear to a rusty brown as you worked, which you watched with rapt attention, scared of how you would react when you looked into his eyes. 

As you dipped it into the water for the final time, Javier finally spoke, his voice still a bit raspy. “Guess you don’t need those knife lessons, then.”

You chuckled, setting the rag down on the dresser as it turned into a loud laughter that shook your body. You weren’t quite sure why you were responding like this, but you figured it was probably shock. You didn’t even register that you were crying until you felt his freshly cleaned hands rest on the sides of your face tentatively, growing more confident when you nodded your consent. He murmured your name softly, brushing your tears away with his thumbs. “Mierda, sorry. It was a bad joke…”

“It was funny,” you said through tears. “It’s just… God, I felt so weak. I haven’t felt that scared since… forever.”

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” 

You shook your head, mouth opening to respond, but a fresh wave of tears threatened to overwhelm you. Not trusting yourself to speak, you practically crashed yourself against his chest. Javier cried out softly, startled, as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him in close in a tight hug. His familiar scent helped to calm you, and when you felt him reciprocate the hug, strong arms tight around you, you felt your heart rate begin to slow. You're sure your makeup was running on to his jacket, but it didn’t matter now; it was already dirty. 

His fingers traced soothing patterns on your back, and he rested his head on top of yours. You're not sure if he held you for a few moments or a few hours, time seemingly nonexistent beyond the two of you. But of course, reality was quick to catch up with you, the sound of the door being kicked down hardly pulling you from his embrace as you spun around, grabbing the knife on the dresser before Javier could.

Arthur stood in the doorway with his hands up, eyes flicking from the knife in your hands to the man unconscious on the floor, quickly connecting the dots. “Don’t do that shit, Arthur,” you snapped, practically slamming the knife back down on the dresser. “I could’ve hurt you…”

“Are you alright?” He asked, typically not caring for his own safety. He approached you like you were a spooked horse, though, which was quickly annoying you.

“What do you think, you idiot?” A voice behind you interjected, and you felt him slide his hand across you back as he moved around you. His eyes were blazing with anger, getting into Arthur’s space. “What the hell happened?” You watched Javier shove the other man, which he took, guilt evident on his face, but you saw the angry storm clouds begin to roll in behind Arthur’s eyes. 

“You had one job, and you fucked it up!” Another shove, and you watched Arthur’s jaw clench. “You nearly got her assaulted!” Javier's voice had raised significantly in volume, emotion causing his voice to break ever so slightly as he spoke. “How did you-”

“You think I don’t know that?” Arthur finally snapped, which was a hard thing to do. Guilt probably snipped his fuse, and the immediate attack by Javier ignited it. “You don’t think I’ve been fightin’ like hell to get up here?” He scoffed. “It ain’t my fault you asked the most recognized man in camp to tag along with y’all!”

“Oh, so it’s my fault now?” Javier challenged. “You wanna know why, then, you asshole? Because you’re the only one I trust to make sure nothing happens to her,” he snarled, jabbing his finger into Arthur’s chest. “You think Micah, or Sean, or Bill would give two shits if someone dragged her away?” He shook his head with a sneer on his mouth. Arthur didn’t respond, but his silence was all that Javier needed. He took a breath, stepping back a few paces from Arthur. 

“You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to her, right?” Arthur’s voice was soft, which was surprising given the circumstance. “But you know she doesn’t need our constant protection, right?”

Whatever temporary peace that had been created between the two men shattered instantly, Javier getting right back into the other man’s face. “She didn’t even have a damn gun, Arthur. All she had was a tiny knife that could barely hurt a mouse. The only reason she managed to get him,” he pointed angrily at Lee, not bothering to turn his head to look at him, “was because she caught him off guard. And I know she doesn’t need my- our protection. I’ve seen her toss men double her size to the ground with ease, I’ve seen her knockout men with a single punch. I’ve seen it all.” Javier took a deep breath before continuing. “But that was when she was free to move, without having that goodman dress on. She can barely even walk, let alone defend herself tonight.”

“You stepped in before anythin’ could happen.” Arthur tried to reassure the man.

“But what if I hadn’t? What if I had been in another room, too busy robbing that bastard to even notice? What if there had been more than one guy in here? What if he drugged her, or what if I didn’t hear her approaching down the hallway?” Javier began to pace as he ranted, running his fingers through his hair, pulling part of it out of the tie.

As entertaining and endearing as it was to hear them argue about you, you were tired of being talked about like you weren’t even there. Clearing your throat gently, you got their attention, Arthur giving you an apologetic smile. Javier took a little bit longer to catch your eye, having to turn around to do so, but you watched as the fire in him immediately fizzled out as he looked at you, any anger left in his body leaving in a final shaky exhale. 

You smiled gently, folding your hands in front of you. You had taken your gloves off during their disagreement, the garments becoming wet while you cleaned Javier’s hands, and you had tucked them away into your bag. You watched as his gaze went down to your intertwined hands, a smile about to grace his own lips before it was overtaken by a shocked gasp.

Everyone’s eyes in the room followed where Javier was looking, with similar reactions across the board. Where Lee had gripped you was an already bruise in the shape of his hand, encompassing almost the entirety of your wrist. You hadn’t realized he grabbed you that hard. Looking back up, you saw an outraged look on Arthur’s face, but it was nothing compared to the sheer hatred and disgust on Javier’s. You were grateful that you still had his knife by you, or else Lee’s blood would be spilt right now. 

A combination of curses and Spanish left Javier’s lips as he pulled away from Arthur, finally giving the other man space. You expected him to make his way over to you, which he started to do, but he halted a few steps in. Confused, you cocked a brow at him, and he just shook his head, backing away backwards toward the door. “I’m gonna get the carriage,” you heard him mutter, eyes fixated on the bruise on your wrist as he continued to back away. 

“Javier-” you tried to stop him, but it was clear he wasn’t in the right headspace to listen. 

“I’ll see you in a minute, mi amor.” And with that, he left you and Arthur alone in stunned silence. 

Trying to not seem too upset, you forced a smile on your face, which probably looked as pained as it felt. “Do you think he got the bonds?” You asked, and the other man looked confused. “You know, the thing we came for?”

Recognition flashed across Arthur’s face, and he shook his head. “Don’t think so. Didn’t have enough time, probably. Why?” You briskly made your way over to the safe, getting down on your knees ready to begin cracking it open. “After all that, you’re still worried about the bonds?” Arthur asked in disbelief. 

“After all that, I ain’t returnin’ to camp empty handed. Now, tie him up for me,” you gestured at Lee, and Arthur nodded. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he muttered, but he still complied, and you rolled your eyes before preparing yourself to get to work. You weren’t an expert at cracking safes by any means, but you could get it done with enough time. The metal was cold against your face as you pressed it against it, listening to the inner workings of the safe. You were able to see Arthur move out of the corner of your eye as you began to turn the dial slowly, listening for the telltale click. 

It was when Arthur finished tying up the man that you heard the first click, and you glanced down to see what the first digit of the code was. 

34. 

Moving the dial to the right, you felt Arthur watch you while you worked, but you paid him no mind. That was until you heard him talk, nearly causing you to jump because of how focused you were on the safe. “You know, I haven’t seen Javier that angry in years. He used to be filled with hate and anger toward the world, but it died down as the years passed.” 

You merely hummed along, not fully paying attention to his words. Another click hit your ears, and you took a mental note of the next number. 28. Arthur continued. “I’m still surprised he’s still callin’ you that, like you don’t know what it means.”

Your curious eyes flicked to him, and realization dawned on his face. He laughed with an almost childish grin. “You don’t know what it means, do ya’?”

You sighed. “No, ‘cause everytime I ask, no one tells me! Especially you! Now, hush. I’m tryin’ to concentrate.” Arthur left you alone then, and you continued to turn the dial slowly to the left, waiting to find the final digit for the safe. 

Finally, the third click rang throughout the room, the final digit being 4. The safe door creaked open, exposing its contents to you and Arthur. Inside contained a stack of papers, which you assumed to be bonds, a few clips of cash, and a small gold ingot. With a satisfactory smile, you gestured for Arthur to bring you your clutch, which he did. You pulled the gloves out, quickly slipping them back on even though they were wet. All paper items went into the bag (and you were sure to make sure the blade did not wreck them), and you took the ingot into your own hands. It always caught you off guard, how heavy gold ingots actually were. 

You stood up, heading over to the dresser and grabbing Javier’s knife while handing Arthur the gold ingot, which he stashed away. Where, you weren’t quite sure, but it disappeared from sight. You had just enough room to place the knife in your bag, the thing barely closing before you tucked it under your arm. You left the soiled handkerchief on the dresser, and you started to move towards the door before Arthur’s voice stopped you. “He’s callin’ you ‘his love’.”

“What?”

“Mi amor,” Arthur’s Spanish wasn’t even comparable to Javier’s, but it was understandable. “It translates to ‘my love’.”

You were stunned, blinking back at him with wide eyes. “You’re kiddin’ me.” Arthur shook his head. “This entire time he’s been callin’ me-” you cut yourself off, rubbing a hand down your face, being careful to not smudge the makeup completely. “So you mean to tell me, that instead of me livin’ in constant doubt about how he felt about me, I could’ve known, but you and everyone back at camp refused to tell me?”

Arthur rubbed nervously at the back of his neck, guilt once again eating away at him. He didn’t respond, so you laughed bitterly. “Now I’m startin’ to regret that I didn’t end up hurtin’ you earlier.” Huffing angrily, you didn’t spare either Arthur or the man tied up on the bed a glance, quickly reaching the door in angry strides. “C’mon. I wanna leave this damn place.”

Arthur didn’t need to be told twice, following behind you as you marched down the hallway and back down the stairs. It was easy to slip away from the party, everyone was too drunk or too busy in conversation to notice. The silence outside was a complete shock to your system, your ears ringing loudly as you took a deep breath. 

Just like he said, Javier was waiting beside the carriage, eyes following you as you descended the stairs. It melted any cold from the night, and like in the party, you felt that need for more grow inside you. You felt Arthur move behind you, cutting across the front lawn to reach his horse. As you reached the carriage, Bill’s voice broke the silence. “You get the whiskey?”

Shit. “No, I’m sorry. Things went bad in there.”

Bill sighed, disappointed, but he didn’t speak further. “Here,” you dug out one of the clips of money, practically having to toss it at him, “it ain’t whiskey, but it’s just as good in my opinion.”

The corners of his mouth tugged up, and you knew that he accepted your new gift, tucking it away into his jacket pocket. Javier uncrossed his arms once you were within reach, once again helping you into the carriage. You could practically feel the tension from him, his entire body tightly coiled as you settled into your seat.

Again, you expected to follow in behind you, but he was quickly shutting the door. You stopped it with your hand, and he stopped immediately. “You’re not comin’ in?” Your voice was dispirited, and Javier frowned as he shook his head once. 

“You don’t want-”

“Don’t tell me what I want, Javier.” You cut him off, shocking yourself with your directness. “Get in here.”

Wordlessly, he obeyed, sitting across from you again. It looked like he had a thousand things to say, but he remained silent. Bill almost immediately took off, but you better prepared than last time, managing to not lurch forward. To say the air between the two of you was awkward would be an understatement, and you found yourself looking out the window, watching the streetlights as you passed them. 

After about a minute of silence, you saw Javier shift out of the corner of your eye, so you refocused your attention on him. “I’m sorry,” you heard him murmur, barely audible over the hoofs of the horses and the sound of the wheels rolling over the cobblestone. 

“Javier, you couldn’t have known that would happen,” you sighed, wanting nothing more than to take his hand in yours. “And I knew that things could go bad tonight.”

“It’s not that. Well, I am sorry about that, I’m not sayin’ I’m not, but-” he paused for a moment, recollecting his thoughts. “I’m sorry about the way I acted. And for talking like you weren’t right there. And for implying that you couldn’t protect yourself. I’m sorry, for all of it.”

“I’m not the one you should be apoligzin’ to,” you laughed lightly, and you felt successful when you saw a light smile on Javier. “And emotions were high tonight, and even the best of us snap sometimes. And you weren’t completely wrong about the dress,” you adjusted the bodice of said dress, trying and failing to gain more room to move.  “But, thank you. It… it means a lot.”

A lot of the tension dissipated from Javier as you accepted his apology, leaning back against the back of his seat finally. He had taken off his jacket while he was gone, leaving him only in his vest, necktie and undershirt, and the sleeves had been rolled up, hiding the splotches of blood from view. Even in the dim light, you were able to clearly see the definition of his forearms flexing against the shirt, even more so when he crossed his arms against his chest. 

Thick veins traveled down his hands and arms, and you couldn’t stop the thoughts of what those hands might be able to do to you from running through your head. It surprised you, having these thoughts. If you had had these thoughts days, or even hours ago, your mind would be spiraling into a panic. Instead, you found your mind spiraling into lustful thoughts, and you found yourself having to look away, cheeks growing warm. 

Javier didn’t seem to notice your staring, too deep in thought to do so. After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke again. “Why didn’t you have me kill him?” Anger flashed in his eyes at the thought of the other man, but he kept in check.

You still weren’t quite sure, and you voiced that to Javier. “I think I didn’t want you to because I was having a good night, and watching someone die kinda ruins that.” If your words were blunt, Javier didn’t seem to care. 

“A ‘good’ night?” Javier looked at you like you’d grown a second head. “Mi amor, if that’s your idea of a ‘good’ night then…” he trailed off.

Now knowing what he was saying, you felt your heart skip a beat. You should’ve realized a long time ago what it meant, you realized. His voice was always filled with adoration when he said it, and a bashful yet cocky smirk would follow. “Besides the last twenty minutes,” you laughed. “I was having a good night because I was with you, my love.” It felt like a confession, and you kept your voice low, but you were sure to add extra emphasis on the final two words.

Javier’s eyes widened, forearms flexing as he readjusted his crossed arm. “Finally figured it out, then?” He teased, but there was an underlying panic in his voice, not aware if you liked it or not. 

You nodded, diverting your gaze as you prepared for your next question. “Do you mean it?” Your voice was small, vulnerable.

Javier responded with a confused noise. Shifting nervously, your hands felt clammy under the gloves. “Do you mean it when you call me ‘my love’? ‘Cause I know you like me, and that’s great…  but I want to know.” Do you love me? You breathed shakily. Why was this so hard? 

Silence fell over the carriage, and you dared to look back at the man across from you. His arms now rested on his elbow, and when he noticed your attention was back on him he smiled, extending a hand for you to grab. When you did, he covered it with his other, kissing the back of it before doing so. You almost wished at that point that you hadn’t put your gloves back on, wanting to feel his lips against your skin. 

“I said I would never lie to you, and I mean it. I never said anything to you that I didn’t believe.” He shifted closer to you, your knees pressing against each other. “I mean it, every single time. I…” It would’ve been funny, in any other context, to see Javier at a loss for words. “I know there are thousands of different ways I could say this, but I can’t remember a single one. It’s like my brain just turns off whenever I’m near you,” he chuckled.

Your heart was hammering so loudly in your chest that you were sure Javier could hear it. It burned where your hands were connected, but it was a delicious pain, one that you never wanted to be rid of. It was reassuring to know that you weren’t the only one who got nervous around the other, then. 

“So, I guess I’ll keep it simple, then. I love you, and, if you’ll have me, I want… you. I want to be by your side, through the good and the bad. I want to wake up by your side, your voice the first thing I hear every morning. I want to know your thoughts, your fears, your desires.” He sighed, smiling. “I, well, I guess all that was to say I mean it.”

You expected to feel a sense of dread, some sort of anxiety over your changing relationship, and what that could possibly lead to, but you found none. Before you could even register what you were doing, you were leaning into him, pressing a light kiss against his cheek. It wasn’t long, lips barely there for even a second before you were leaning away. You gasped slightly when you saw the red mark left there by you; apparently you still had more makeup on than you thought. Between curses and apologies, you began to wipe it away with your cloth covered thumb, which seemed to just smear it around. 

A light tug at your hand had you stopping, your name being said softly focusing your attention back on to the man. He didn’t seem to mind that your lipstick was now on his face, and his eyes were filled with unbridled love as they danced across your face, before finally settling on your lips, then back up into your eyes. His hand was no longer holding yours, instead it was trailing up your arm, up your neck, finding purchase on the side of your face, holding you with such reverence that it almost brought tears to your eyes. 

His eyes went back down to your lips, a soft plea in his gaze. “Let me kiss you,” Javier asked, restraint pulling his voice down an octave. Slowly, you brought your hand up, brushing away a few strands of hair that had been pulled from the tie. His eyes closed at your touch, a pleased noise escaping his mouth. Those same eyes opened when he felt you nod, and you hadn’t realized how easy it was to get lost in them until this moment.

He closed the distance between the two of you, thumb brushing your cheek as your lips finally connected. It felt like everything finally clicked into place, like the final piece of a puzzle. Everything felt right, and you sighed happily against his mouth, resting your hands on his thighs.

It was a short kiss, merely testing the waters, with Javier pulling away first. He rested his head against yours, simply savoring the moment. A quiet, giddy giggle left you, causing Javier to raise a brow. “It’s nothin’… I’m just happy.” It was almost childish, the reason you were really giggling, but who wouldn’t be happy after their first kiss.

“Good,” he murmured, before a concerned look crossed his face.

“What?” You asked, immediately thinking the worst. 

“It’s your lipstick.” The thumb that was on your cheek shifted to your lips, running against the lower one.

“What about it?” You had no idea where he was going with this. 

“It’s not nearly wrecked enough,” he lamented, and you felt his thumb pull your lip slightly, causing the rouge to smear. 

“Are you gonna fix it, then?” You challenged, slowly running your hands slowly up and down his thighs. You’re not sure where this sudden burst of confidence was coming from, but you weren’t complaining. All you knew is that you wanted his mouth on yours again. 

“Gladly,” Javier purred, pulling your face to him as he kissed you again. Instead of simply holding his lips to yours, you felt him begin to move this time. It was messy and passionate and it had your head spinning. Gripping on to his legs tighter, you were able to ground yourself. That was until you felt his tongue run against your bottom lip.

You gasped, pulling away an inch to give yourself a moment to breathe, all the foreign sensations causing you to become breathless. Javier, with some visible restraint, didn’t chase after you, giving you a moment to collect yourself. It was at that point that you felt that you almost had a death grip on the man’s legs, and you let go with a soft apology. 

He paid it no mind, and you felt his hold on your face lax a bit. “You’ve never kissed before, have you?” He wasn’t anywhere close to being rude about it, but the question still had your blood running cold.

Embarrassed, you felt your face flush even more. You tried to pull away, but he kept you close. You shook your head, not wanting to admit it out loud. “Was it that obvious?” You mumbled, quite upset. Javier went to respond, and you braced yourself for the words that your brain trained you to expect. 

What you weren’t expecting was him to be smiling at you, thumb rubbing reassuringly on your cheek again. “I only noticed because you seemed less confident,” Javier explained, with no hint of judgment in his voice. “I guess we need to practice some more, then,” he added with a playful grin. 

“I love you,” you whispered, before your hands were grabbing both sides of his face and smashing his lips against yours, both of you smiling into the kiss. Any remnant of anxiety about him vanished as you kissed him, feeling more relaxed than you’ve felt in a while. You pulled him toward you as you sat back in your seat, ignoring the way that the bodice of your dress pressed uncomfortably into your skin. You couldn't be bothered to feel it; all that your senses could feel was him. 

He followed as you brought him close, getting on his knees on the carriage floor as he kept his lips locked on yours. Even despite being on the ground, his face was still relatively level with yours, if only a few inches lower. You felt him settle between your legs, at least as best he could with your skirt, hands resting on your hips. 

Unlike the other two kisses before, this one had a secondary intent behind it, and you felt that fire in your core return, arousal making you dizzy. You wanted more, and you’re sure that Javier was more than eager to give it to you. One of the hands that grasped his face moved behind him, discarding your gloves to somewhere in the carriage before quickly undoing the tie that held his dark hair in place, causing it to fall around his head. Greedily you ran your fingers through it, a pleased groan felt on Javier’s lips as you combed it. 

A nip from him had you gasping, offering him an opportunity to sneak his tongue into your mouth. The act surprised you, inadvertently causing you to grasp his hair, pulling the strands into a fist. You felt him moan in response, the hands on your hips squeezing tighter, but he didn’t move them. Pulling him impossibly closer, you tried your best to keep up with the quick movements of his mouth, moving your lips in tandem with his. You were always a quick learner, anyway.

An aggressive jolt from the carriage forced the two of you to separate, gasps and pants filling the silence. Moonlight filtered in, and you were able to see Javier clearly now. You realized you had never seen him with his hair down before, and beautiful wasn’t even close to the right word to describe him. He looked ethereal, and he was all yours, making your heart thrum happily in your chest. 

“You should have your hair down more,” was all you said, smoothing your hand over it. It was soft, well taken care of, and you wanted to keep your hands in it forever. 

“Whatever my girl wants,” he responded, pure bliss on his face. You didn’t even bother to hide the happy noise that left you when you heard him call you his girl. 

Glancing down at his lips, you saw they were practically the same color as yours now, smeared messily across the lower half of his face. You’re sure you looked just as bad, and you registered that it would be hard to hide what the two of you got up to from the rest of camp. But you found that you didn’t care that much. 

An image flashed in your head as you watched him; his exposed chest covered in your kiss marks, from his neck to his hips, a pretty ring of red rouge around his cock. The thought  had you subconsciously rubbing your thighs together, trying to ease the growing tension that was starting to become unbearable, but it was hard to do when there was someone between them. 

Javier honed in on the movement immediately, working at his bottom lip as he stared up at you with blown out eyes. “More?” He asked, the word sounding breathy. 

You nodded, carding your fingers back through his hair to pull him back to you. After meeting you for a quick kiss, you felt him travel down your jaw, peppering kisses along as he did so. You laughed lightly when you felt him move to your neck, the soft prickle of his facial hair tickling you, and he smiled against your skin. 

The hands of your hips began to explore now, one rising up your front, touching lightly over the bodice, causing you to shiver. His other hand traveled downward, down your thigh and past your knee, until it was wrapping around your calf. He wrapped your stocking covered leg around his back, causing your shoe to fall off in the process, hitting the floor with a dull noise. 

Satisfied, the hand on your leg moved to join the other, stopping once he reached the underside of your breasts. Instead of running his hands over the mounds, he bypassed them completely, running his hands across your shoulders delicately. For the first time, his bare hands were on your skin, and it was everything you’d ever wanted. They were deliciously rough, years of hard living making them so, and a number of calluses adorning the tips from playing stringed instruments, but they also felt like silk, rolling across your body like water. It caused another shiver to wrack your body, and he chuckled, vibrations falling from his chest into yours. 

“You’re so responsive,” he noted, his normally smooth voice gravelly. His lips traveled further down your neck, showering your lower neck and collarbones with apt attention. “No one’s touched you like this before, no?” He stated rather than asked, and your silence was a more than adequate answer. “What a shame. They don’t know what they’ve missed.”

“I don’t care,” you said with sheer honesty. “Damn everyone else. I only want your hands on me.”

You felt him pull at the back of your head, pulling you into a searing kiss before pulling away slightly, face mere inches from yours. “Let me make you feel good.” Curious, you gave an inquisitive noise, playing with his hair as you did so. He was already making you feel good, so you weren’t quite sure what he was trying to say.

He let out a small chuckle at your confused expression, pressing a light kiss to the tip of your nose, which was an innocently sweet gesture. His next words were less than innocent, another wave of arousal crashing through you as he spoke. “Let me taste you. I need to feel you fall apart on my mouth.”

You’d be lying if you said that his filthy words weren’t getting you incredibly turned on, but a deep feeling of embarrassment overtook you, and you would’ve turned your head away if you could, but you were forced to just avert your gaze.

“Don’t go getting shy on me now, mi amor,” Javier teased, attempting to get your eyes back on him. “It takes more than a few words to get my girl nervous, hm?”

Laughing mostly at yourself, you finally looked into his eyes, a calming smile greeting you. “So, what say you? Are you going to let me eat you out?” He said it so nonchalantly, like it wasn’t completely turning you into a mess. Forcing back the shame, you nodded, not trusting your voice. Javier wasn’t satisfied, and with a disapproving noise he placed another kiss on your nose, causing you to laugh lightly. “Use your words.”

Javier was giving you a second chance to change your mind, you realized, not wanting you to do something that you would regret. It was a nice gesture, but what he didn’t know was that you made up your mind hours ago; you needed him so badly that it almost hurt. “Please,” you responded, your mouth was moving faster than your brain.

He didn’t respond, smiling gratefully at you, like you just offered him something luxurious. One final kiss met your lips before he was descending your body, trailing back over where his lips had been moments prior. One of your hands tangled in his hair when you felt him ghost his lips across the top of your breasts, grinning when he felt the goosebumps form. He didn’t stay there long, a single goal on his mind as he descended further down. 

When he no longer had exposed skin to kiss, he rested his head by your knees, staring up at you adoringly as his hands continued to travel down. In the back of your mind, you remembered hearing stories from the girls at camp about lovers they had, how they treated going down on a woman like a chore, or how some just outright refused to do. The hungry glint in his eye and the almost desperate touch of his hand told you that you didn’t have to worry about that. 

When he reached your hips, he pulled you forward, forcing you to lean back further in order for your back to reach the back of your seat. If you barely had any airflow then, you had none now, a sharp pain growing in your lungs as you shifted around, trying to get comfortable. Javier quickly noticed this, a concerned frown pulling at his lips. “Dress,” you gasped out, and he quickly got to work unworking the bow and laces that held the corset bodice tight, a pleased sigh leaving you as you felt it loosen its grip on your body. He didn’t undo it completely, the garment still on well enough to keep your body from being exposed, but it was enough that you could get more comfortable.

You didn’t even get to mutter out a ‘thank you’ before he was getting back to it, hands pulling apart your thighs. Your skirt had bunched up when he had pulled your leg around his back, giving him enough room to sneak his head between your spread legs. Your skirt still covered the entirety of his head, only peeks of hair visible to you.

Warm breath caressed your sensitive inner thigh, and you fought the urge to wrap them around his face. Featherlight kisses were felt next, small jolts rocking through you with each touch, increasing in intensity as he reached your aching center. He tugged at the waistband at your undergarments, having you lift your hips slightly so he could peel them away. Pulling them all the way off, he set them somewhere on the seat behind him.

Your hips bucked when you felt him press a kiss to your exposed cunt, humming appreciatively when he felt your arousal, which had no doubt soaked through to your undergarments. “You’re this wet from kissing?” He asked, mostly to himself, and it was barely audible under your heavy clothing, but you felt the need to defend your dignity. 

“It wasn’t just the kissin’,” you managed to get out, hips bucking again when he yet again teased you with his mouth. You felt one of his arms sneak out from under your skirt, broad forearm settling across your waist to keep you in place. “Watchin’ you threaten him…”

You didn’t have to see him to know he had a cocky grin on his face. “That got you all bothered?” He asked, bewilderment and desire both lacing his question. Warm air hit you as he talked, causing you to squirm anticipatorily in your seat.“You’re a dirty little thing, aren’t you?”

“Only for you.”

You felt more than heard the responding growl, his grip tightening on your waist as he ran his tongue through your folds, almost immediately going back through for a second, a third, a fourth time. Rolling your head back, pleased noises tumbled from your lips, your other leg almost immediately joining your other around his back. You felt him mutter something, and the broad swipes of his tongue turned to short precise licks, targeting your clit with precise movements. 

The change in sensations had you crying out, hands scarbling at his arm as you tried to find something to hold on to. He chuckled lowly, the vibrations shooting straight to your core. “As much as I’d love to hear you, we don’t want anyone finding out what’s going on in here, do we?” You both knew damn well that nothing could be heard outside the carriage, but the idea of having to keep quiet to prevent your friends from knowing turned you on more than it should. Your body must’ve reacted some way, and you heard him groan appreciatively. “You are dirty.” He sounded a million miles away, but it still felt like his mouth was pressed to your ear. 

Now attempting to muffle yourself, you bit at your lips, most likely drawing blood. His mouth worked at you so much better than you could’ve imagined, your fingers nothing compared to this. Nothing you had ever done to please yourself had felt this good; now that you had a taste of what someone else could do to you, you never wanted to go back. 

A particularly rough flick of his tongue had you whining, pressing a hand on your mouth to stifle your cries. He brought out every drop of pleasure from your body with such ease, like it was second nature. You felt that familiar pressure begin to form in your abdomen, one that normally took you so much longer to reach yourself. He was almost too good at this, playing your body like it was his guitar, his talented mouth pulling noises from you like he was strumming his fingers across the strings. 

All thoughts left your mind when you felt his lips latch around your clit, sucking the toying with the sensitive nerves. A plethora of exclamations tumble from your lips, the most frequent one being his name. It seemed to spur him on even more, and you felt his free hand trail up your thigh, resting at the inner junction of your leg and hip. His fingers rubbed soothingly at the sensitive flesh as he continued his ministrations with his tongue. “Javi…” your voice was too breathless to complete his name, and you tried your best to warn him of your upcoming release, which was coming faster than you knew how to process. 

He didn’t verbally respond. Instead, you felt him adjust your lower body so that your hips were almost level with his face, your back hardly able to rest against your seat. The new angle made it hard to keep your legs wrapped around his lower back, so you let them go limp, no longer on the man. Javier didn’t seem to like this, almost immediately taking your legs and resting them on his shoulders, which was much more comfortable than the two previous positions. He hadn’t detached himself during the entire readjustment process, tongue and lips still expertly bringing you closer to your release.

The hand at your thigh moved inward, almost so slowly that you barely registered it. You moaned, slightly startled, when you felt those broad fingers spread you apart, tongue delving between them before almost immediately returning its attention to your clit. 

You felt him move his face downward, the new angle allowing him to do so with ease, his fingers following. Feeling them tease around your entrance, and you half-braced yourself for the intrusion you were sure was bound to happen with his fingers. Instead, you felt them move to where his tongue had been, rubbing them against you with the perfect amount of pressure and speed that had you crying out. His tongue instead teased around your entrance, pushing in a tiny bit before retracting, slowly easing you to take his tongue. 

The pressure in you increased tenfold as he slowly started to fuck you with his tongue, dexterous fingers adding to the ecstasy your body was feeling. “Javier, I’m close,” you managed to murmur out, before crying out again, barely able to muffle yourself this time. Your fingers dug into the muscle of his arm, most likely leaving crescent shaped indents from your nails. 

With his mouth quite preoccupied, the most he could do was groan something in response. Your muffled cries of his name turned to small gasps as pants, teetering closer and closer to reaching your peak. As best you could, you carded your fingers through the hand that held you down, desperately needing something to hold as you came. Without missing a beat, he flipped his hand so that his forearm still locked your hips down, but it gave you his hand to hold, your fingers shaky as you gripped his.

With a final cry of his name, your lips bruising from the way you clamped down on it, you felt your release wash over you. Your thighs clamped around his head, but he didn’t seem to mind, fingers and tongue not stopping as he drew out every bit of pleasure from your orgasm. Head thumping against the wall of the carriage, you felt your hips buck slightly with each jolt that passed through your body, letting up in intensity as the aftershocks wore off.

Eventually, Javier let up, a cold shiver wracking your body at the lack of his heat. Pulling back your skirt away from his face, the two of you sat in silence for a second, both processing what the hell just happened. A chuckle spilled from you, a light smile on your face that Javier mirrored. He looked as disheveled as you felt, hair tousled and completely out of place. He only had a few light remnants of your lipstick left, his lower face instead was now covered in your arousal, it glistening in the pale moonlight. A proud smirk greeted you as he realized what you were looking at, and you wiped it away as best you could, resting your hand on the side of his face when you were done. You’re sure you looked like a mess as well, but Javier looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

Pulling him back up to your face level, you smashed your lips against his, and you felt his tongue run against the seam of your lips. Opening your lips to let him in, you let out a groan when you were able to taste yourself, the filthiness of it all causing a fresh wave of arousal to wash over you. Running your free hand down his chest, you toyed with his belt, a slight desperation in your touch as you unbuckle his belt.

Not even bothering to get it all the way off, you let it hang open, and you fiddled with the zipper, opening it after some difficulty. Brushing your fingers against his cock beneath his underwear, which had become deliciously hard, and you felt him shudder, breaking the kiss to exhale a breathy noise. “Mi amor.” It sounded like a mix of a plea and a warning. 

“Sit,” you whispered, yet it held no room for argument.

After a second’s pause, Javier complied, and you could tell he expected you to follow him with. You would’ve found it funny, the way he let out a shocked moan, when you sunk to your knees, but you only had one thing on your mind. 

Framing your knees on each side of his waist, he moved up the skirts to allow you enough room to straddle his lap. You felt his hands move from your skirts to your waist, and his cock pressed right up against your exposed center. You felt him begin to rut his hips the tiniest amount, running his cock through your folds. It was at that point that reality kind of hit you, and you felt that familiar feeling of anxiety begin to trouble your mind, but you pushed it away. 

One of his hands sneaked between your bodies, and you felt him hold himself upright. “Are you ready?” You heard him ask, the hand remaining on your waist squeezing reassuringly. You nodded, saying a hushed yes as you did so. 

Rising up onto your knees, you adjusted yourself so that the tip nudged your entrance. Both of you let out similar noises as you began to sink down onto him, and you rested your head against his neck. It was less painful than you thought it would be. Sure, the stretch of your muscles as they accommodated the intrusion was unpleasant, but it wasn’t downright painful. “Take it slow,” you heard him say through a clenched jaw.

Holding his shoulders for support, you eased yourself down inch by inch, your moans becoming more frequent as you felt him deeper and deeper inside you. He was already far deeper than you’d ever been able to go with your fingers, and you weren’t even close to having your hips flush with his.

Javier muttered praises to you, moving his hand from between the two of you to rub your lower back. “You’re doing so good,” you heard him say, lips pressing against the side of your head. “Just a little more.”

The slight discomfort you were feeling, the stretch of muscles causing a dull throbbing to spread across your abdomen, was quickly turning into a pleasurable feeling. Mumbling something out in response, you heard him chuckle softly, affectionately pressing another kiss to your head. 

A few more moments passed, your legs beginning to shake from the exertion of holding yourself up. Relief flooded your body when you felt his hips meet yours, and you let yourself relax on his lap now that he was fully sheathed in you. “Just like that, mi amor. You- fuck, you feel so good,” you heard Javier pant, voice raspy. Raising your head from his neck, you pulled him into a messy kiss as you let yourself get used to the feeling of him inside you.

Both of you broke the kiss simultaneously when you began to move, lifting yourself off his cock before sinking back down. It was slow, and the drag of him across your walls felt so incredible that you felt your head rolling back. A gentle hand brought it back. “I want to see you,” was all Javier said. You were sure to keep your head still as you repeated the action again, slightly faster than the last. 

Bitting again at your lip to keep yourself quiet, you were quickly able to fall into a rhythm, moving yourself down his length with increasing speed. Pleasure bloomed in your cunt, and you felt yourself clench around him with another drag. Javier choked our name, which sounded hotter than you thought it would be, and your body reacted accordingly. He moaned out your name again, smirking when your body reacted the same way. “Does my girl like that? Does she like hearing me cry out her name?” It was a rhetorical question, but you still found yourself nodding. 

Your legs were beginning to hurt, but you pushed on, the start of a new orgasm beginning to create itself. You felt Javier's eyes on your face, enraptured by the expressions on it. In any other circumstance, you would’ve found his close examination of you nerve wracking, but right now it was adding fuel to the fire growing in you. 

After a few more moments, your legs were really starting to hurt, barely able to lift yourself again. “Javier, I…”

“Do you want me to take over?” 

When you nodded, you felt his hands secure themselves on your waist. “You did so good, mi amor,” you heard him praise, and you felt him slowly begin to lift you, fingers digging into your skin. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, before he was bringing you back down.

It took no time at all for him to return to the pace you had set, lifting you up and down like you weighed nothing. You moaned out his name, your head almost rolling back again, but you caught yourself. His hips began to snap up every time he pulled you down, somehow reaching even deeper than before, and the added pleasure was bringing you right to the edge of your release. “I’m gonna-” another snap of your hips cut you off, an unitelliagble noise replacing your words.

“Me too.” Javier’s voice sounded thoroughly wrecked. “Where do you want me?”

It took a second for you to realize what he was asking, and if your brain wasn’t so filled with lust, your answer would’ve been completely different from the one you gave him. “Inside,” you answered, and you felt him falter completely. 

“Fuck, amor,” Javier began thrusting into you with reckless abandon, and in the back of your mind you prayed that Bill would not be able to feel it. The heightened speed had you reaching your end faster than you expected, and with a quite loud cry of his name you came, walls fluttering around him. Javier wasn’t too far behind, and with one final thrust he spilled into you, warmth flooding you. 

Sagging against Javier, the two of you sat in silence for a few moments, basking in the afterglow. He no longer held on to your waist, trailing his fingers lightly over your back. After pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, you felt him sigh. “As much as I’d love to keep you like this, we are almost back.”

Glancing out one of the windows, you saw that Javier was right, familiar scenery rushing past your eyes. Not bothering to hide the disappointment on your face, you slowly lifted yourself off him for a final time, barely able to do so because your legs were jelly. You made a small whining noise when you felt his release spill from you, and if you weren’t so focused on trying to make it back to your seat without falling then you would’ve seen the way Javier’s eyes darkened hungrily.

You were barely in your seat before he was back on you, having tucked himself back away into his pants, peppering many kisses across your lips and jaw until you were a giggling mess. Wrapping your arms around his head and shoulders, you pulled him into a deep hug, pressing your own lips on top of his head, a happy smile on your face. Content, he sighed deeply, even more so when you started rubbing your fingers across his scalp. 

With a regretful smile, Javier pulled away, and he slowly began to redress you. Starting with your undergarments, which quickly became soaked with his spend. Your stockings were put back on next, your shoes quickly following behind. The act of Javier redressing you almost left more intimate than what you two had just done, and you felt your heart thump erratically in your chest at the reverence of it all. 

Finally, you watched him sit upright on his knees, bringing himself level to you again. With one of his thumbs, you felt him wipe away the rouge that had smudged across your lips, another proud smile gracing him. 

“Did you fix it?” You teased, referencing back to a few moments ago, your voice hoarse and scratchy.

“I think so. Though we can always try again later.” You felt another pass of his thumb under your bottom lip. 

You rolled your eyes with a smile. “You’re insatiable, you know that?”

His hand stilled. “Can you blame me?” 

You didn’t respond, and you felt him continue to clean you up. 

When he deemed it done, you felt his thumb rest on your lips, brushing over the plump skin, not making a move to leave just yet. His eyes followed the movements of the digit, widening when you took it into your mouth. Bobbing your head once, you worked it between your lips, releasing it with a pop. Darkened eyes bore in you. “You’re making it quite hard to stop right here, mi amor.” You chose to not laugh at the innuendo. “That’s the point.”

He chuckled, which sounded more like a pained exhale through his nose, before removing his hand away from you. He moved back into his seat, lounging with a content expression, and you wanted nothing more than to climb back into his lap. Noticing your staring, you watched him spread his legs, providing you with an unobscured view of the way he was already getting hard again

Your hungry eyes traveled across his lower body, which Javier found highly entertaining, that cocky smirk returning. “And you say I’m insatiable,” he joked, hints of his own desire creeping into his voice. 

Before you could respond, the carriage coming to a sudden halt pulled you two from the little bubble you had created. A glance out the surprisingly not fogged window confirmed that you had arrived back at camp, a brightly lit campfire the only thing clearly visible in the dark night. Sighing, you grabbed the last of your belongings, tucking the clutch back under your arm and stuffing your gloves in your other hand, not bothering to put them back on. You watched as Javier quickly fixed up his hair, smoothing down the strands that were sticking up.

In typical fashion, he left first, helping you out with a hand, the same one that had just pulled one of the two . That fact had you hesitating for half-a-second before grabbing it, and if Javier noticed, he didn’t say anything, but he smirked at you knowingly. Cold air immediately cooled your overheated skin, goosebumps forming where sweat had been. You heard a soft thump on the ground as Bill hopped down from the driver’s seat, nodding at the both of you before retiring to his tent, unaware of what had transpired.

Arthur pulled into camp not a few seconds later, having trailed behind the carriage the entire time, following behind the two of you as you headed over to Dutch once he hopped off his horse. Arthur didn’t say anything, not quite knowing how Javier would react, and he kept his distance. When Javier rested his hand on your back, leading you toward Dutch’s tent, you could feel his stare, and you didn’t have to turn to know that he had a shit-eating grin on. 

You were grateful for the touch on your back, not only because you wanted it, but because it also kept you steady, legs still partially jelly as you hobbled over. If anyone asked, you could just blame it on the shoes. 

Dutch greeted you and the two other men warmly, sitting at a table with Hosea and Micah, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. You three said your own greetings, Arthur moving to slide into the extra open seat at the table. Javier stayed behind you, hand not leaving your body, as you leaned back into him. 

“So, I’m gonna assume that because you’re all here in one piece that it went well,” Dutch began, going straight into business. 

You heard Javier begin to explain to Dutch that it didn’t, and that he couldn't get his hands on the bond, but you cut him off by digging into your clutch, pulling out the the stacks of paper you’d pulled from the safe, along with a few clips of money, keeping one for yourself and Javier. You dropped them on the center of the table along with the gloves, a pleased whistle leaving Dutched as he eyed it, and you tucked the bag away. You’d give Javier his knife back later. “There was also a gold bar, which Arthur had.”

The cowboy nodded, pulling it from a satchel, and you realized that was how he had hidden it before. How he got into the party, you’d never know. Sliding across the table to Dutch, he weighed it in his hands, before passing it to Hosea who examined it more closely. You could feel the shock from Javier, gratitude and curiosity in his eyes as he watched you. 

Micah began to converse with Hosea about the gold, Hosea only answering in short, clipped sentences. Dutch and Arthur were already deep into conversation, Dutch giving you no more than a half-hearted thanks before seemingly dismissing you and Javier. Your skin felt sticky and your undergarments were growing more and more uncomfortable, and you wanted nothing more than to leave. Javier began to leave, but you stayed put, steeling yourself. You had one last thing you needed to say. 

“Dutch,” you kept your voice neutral, and he regarded you with a hum, still not turning away from Arthur. “Don’t you ever send me on a job like that again.” You tried to not word it like a threat, but it still came out as one.

Immediately, all conversation halted, clear shock written across all the men’s faces. The odd chair creaked as Dutch turned to face you now, his expression unreadable. Never, during the entire time you’d been with the gang, had you ever talked back to Dutch in any sort of manner, and it caught everyone off guard, including yourself. Heart thudding anxiously, you awaited a response from the leader, unable to tell if you had just pissed him off. You watched Arthur’s eyes flick between Dutch and you, also unsure of where this was heading. Hosea seemed to be the only one not worried, and you swore you saw the older outlaw smirk in the low light. 

“And why’s that?” Micah interjected, but you ignored him, biting back the anger that threatened to overtake you. Deep breaths, now. 

After a few beats of tense silence, Dutch finally responded. “Noted,” was all he said, nodding as he spoke. A sound of protest left Micah, but Dutch disregarded it. “You did well tonight.”

Nodding, you muttered a quick goodnight, before quickly getting the hell away from the table before the calmness dissipated. Javier followed not far behind, no longer in reach to touch you, and he laughed so lightly that you barely heard it. Turning your shoulder, you questioned him with a look. 

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

“Oh, hush,” you waved him away, ignoring the flush in your cheeks at his compliment. 

“I mean it!” Javier laughed, moving closer to that he was able to stop you with a gentle tug of your waist. You realized that you had walked back to the edge of camp, near where the carriage was parked at the entrance. The two of you were relatively shrouded in the dark, trees helping to block you from the camp. A few people beside the men at the table still lingered around camp, but they were too preoccupied with what they were doing to notice you and Javier. 

“There I was, having completely disregarded the whole job, and you just went along and did it yourself. And you know I normally wouldn’t condone you talking to Dutch like that,” Javier pulled you in close by your hips, his own pressed against your backside, “I would be a liar if I said I didn’t find you incredibly hot asserting yourself like that.” He nipped at your ear, his facial hair causing you to giggle. It turned into a moan when you ground yourself against him, feeling the still noticeable bulge there. No wonder he chose to stay close behind you as you talked with Dutch. 

You went to tease him about it, but were promptly cut off when you felt him press himself into you, his member protruding into you, pretty much ready to go. As Javier began to lead you away to the woods, you realized that you were not going to get a lot of sleep tonight.

You found that you didn’t care.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #javier escuella smut #javier escuella x you #javier escuella rdr2 #javier escuella x reader #javier escuella

[jayalaw]

Thoughts About Light Yagami Being A YouTuber

Thanks to @cacklingskeleton for starting this idea, and @kingofthewilderwest for talking with me about this.

For reference: I am referring to Light from the first five volumes of the manga mainly, rather than the various spinoffs. We will not speak of the horrendous Netflix version. This would be taking place after the Lind L. Taylor incident, which confirms that Kira is in the Kanto region for the whole world.

What's fascinating about Death Note in modern times is that it came out before social media. Light has to get all his news about criminals from newspapers and television, to the point that he had to hide a mini-television in a potato chip bag to avoid surveillance.

Social media has changed things; you can find information about criminals and trials in real-time. The Internet is forever, and we all have smart devices now. Kira could kill a criminal as soon as their mugshot hits Twitter. Not to mention that with the right credit card, you don't need shinigami eyes; you can find all the info that you need on a person.

King and I were disagreeing about one point: would Light do well at YouTube? I think so because Light knows how to control his image, and L was the only person who could see through it. King doesn't agree, because Light's mask falls away rather quickly in the manga. He may know how to plot murder, but his ability to act normal fades away rather quickly.

So let's consider these two angles. There are two ways this could go:

If Light Yagami Is Good At YouTube

Light is calculating and intelligent, good at building his image. I remember this from the manga, how he is popular both in high school and college,

My headcanon is that Light would do videos talking about justice systems in fiction. You have stories about if the apocalypse in Mad Max has appropriate punishments for the antagonist, and if the chickens in Chicken Run have any legal rights. He knows that you can go viral for the wrong reasons, and chooses his topics carefully. What's more, his dad may not understand YouTube, but it would be shameful if Soichiro Yagami's son was caught doing something uncouth.

If Light has some disagreements with YouTubers? He knows how to do what James Somerton did: hide behind an aura of feigned innocence and send his fanbase against them. And how can he be a bad guy? He doesn't even have a Patreon or crowdfunding! All his YouTube revenue goes towards charity, because he has a full-ride to university and his needs are few since he still lives at home to help out with his little sister. She posts videos of them dancing to Misa-Misa's songs. All the other YouTubers are more worried about their careers and are just jealous little shits.

Here is the thing: people leave patterns. And there are whisper networks. Light may think he's leaving no trail, but computers have screencaps, and memory.

If Light Yagami Is Bad At YouTube

He gets by with his channel topics due to his natural good looks. I admit that Light isn't my type because he seems too dark and broody, plus the whole what he did to Naomi Misora, but he might have been appealing.

In this case, the channel topic could be anything: Let's Play video games, reactions to vines and viral videos, "The Best Snacks To Eat While Studying for Entrance Exams." No one doubts that Light can cook, even if he eats those nasty potato chips.

So let's go with King's interpretation. Light is someone who is big talk about general topics, but if you look up close, it's really shallow. People follow him because he's good-looking and has a lovely voice. It's a voice that makes you want to go into battle. Some of his more impressionable fans wonder why he wasn't scouted by a J-pop band. It wouldn't have worked; Soichiro Yagami would stake any manager or agent that would dare keep his son from the college path.

The problem is when Light gets the Death Note. He still posts videos, but he starts getting sloppy. Though he doesn't want to admit it, murder is a huge weight on the human soul. And he takes it out on the communities that welcomed him, in subtle ways.

The Video

Hbomberguy has noticed some trends. Any YouTuber that crosses Light Yagami, even for pointing out something like, "Dude, you took footage from me," somehow gets hit. Light is careful to go only after small people, the marginalized that may leave YouTube from the harassment.

He is careful. After all, if you are going to accuse someone of plagiarizing videos and using his fanbase to destroy the competition, including YouTubers that considered Light a good friend, you need hard evidence, and backups. So hbomberguy brings the receipts, with permission from the victim.

The Kira stuff is the real bombshell; Hbomberguy cites what happened with Lind L. Taylor, and how Light is one of the biggest international YouTubers from the Kanto region, who is bilingual to boot. And something something how he figured out the shinigami thing because there have been incidents of people online talking about writing names in notebooks, getting creeped out when others died, and tossing the books away. They talked about having seen mysterious figures. Yes, it could be Internet hearsay, but the heart attacks match the pattern.

The video goes viral. Light can only watch in horror, because hbomberguy points out that if he dies of a heart attack now, Light will be the prime suspect. Ryuk is cackling.

And somewhere, L is leaning back in his weird crouched position and puffing out a deep breath of frustration. Several months of subtle investigation down the drain, thanks to YouTube drama.

#death note #fandom #death note fanon #hbomberguy

[cwritesforfun]

TSITP: Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader: this is me trying

Inspired by the song this is me trying by Taylor Swift and some songs from folklore and just Taylor Swift songs in general so let me know if you like this style of quick story:) here is a link to the song 

Y/N = Your Name & S/N = Sister’s Name ** I do not own the TSITP characters or plot!** Yes, I do change the plot a bit.

Lyrics from songs in italics - let me know how many songs you can count

Y/N’s POV

Cousins Beach has always been a beautiful place to visit over the summer. My family has been friends with the Fisher and Conklin families since I was young. I was always closest with Belly, as we were the only two girls besides our moms. Steven was friendly enough. Jeremiah always knew to bring the party to us and was there if you asked, But, Conrad, Conrad was there no matter what. I never had to ask. When the rest of the kids walked together, he would walk by me so I didn’t have to walk alone. He would help me calm my anxiety by walking on the beach with me. He would save me from uncomfortable social situations. When my dad died, he would text me every week (I told him every day was too much). I truly appreciated him more than he ever would know because when I break it's in a million pieces. I was hurting so much, but I had him. My family sold our old home when my father died, but Laurel lets us stay with their family every summer now. It was very sweet of her to do that and it also means endless summer sleepovers with Belly. It can be a little mentally taxing to not have a space to decompress after a long day socializing, so I tend to go on runs after dinner around the beach. My twin sister, S/N, joined me once, but now she prefers partying with Steven.

This year, everything is different. Belly is being entered into the debutante ball. I went a few years ago and my escort was Conrad. I wonder who will take her this year. Susannah has breast cancer and I can tell it’s taking a toll on Conrad a lot. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he keeps pushing me away. 

Dinner tonight has been tense. Belly somehow snuck out to the party at the beach. And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. I was there because S/N wanted me as her moral support if she was rejected by guys or girls, but I mainly hung out with Jeremiah because he’s funny to watch when he gets drunk. I did see Conrad drinking and smoking off to the side. He glared at me when I got another drink. I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me. No idea what his problem is. He won’t talk to me. It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you...

And since that happened, the family is torn. Belly was in no real danger since I was with her at the party and watching over her, but my family didn’t like the idea of a small girl watching another small girl. They said it was unsafe for us to be alone, even though we were with other people at the party. Conrad’s parents got mad because he was supposed to watch everyone as the “oldest” sibling there. The funny thing is, Conrad and I are the same age.

I watch as Conrad storms outside after dinner. I watch his dad follows him outside. Susannah leans over to me and says “Go outside and check on Conrad, will you? I know his father can be a bit direct and Conrad doesn’t always respond best to that. He’ll need you.” I get up and walk through the back door outside. I hear Mr. Fisher say in a slightly raised voice “You’re the oldest. You’re supposed to look out for the younger kids.” UH OH! I exclaim “Technically, we’re the same age.” Conrad says “Go away, Y/N.” Mr. Fisher says “Conrad, apologize right now.” I reply “It’s okay, Mr. Fisher. Um... could you tell my mom I’m going on a run and I’ll be back after?” He nods and I storm past them to the house. 

I change, put my headphones on, and run on the beach. I collapse on the beach at the end and put my feet in the cold wet sand. It feels amazing here. I take off my headphones and watch the waves wash over the beach. It’s weird but fuckin’ beautiful. 

I hear footsteps and wonder who they sent to check on me. I hear “May I join you?” I see Conrad and I ask “Oh so you finally want to talk to me now?” And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad. I have a lot of regret about that.  Conrad sits then asks “Uhh something like that. I’m sorry. Do you want water? I figured you would be thirsty after the run. I was waiting to see you run by.” I reply “I will gladly accept, thanks, Conrad.” He replies “Of course.”

I look at the water and exclaim “Sorry for snapping a minute ago. I just get in my head sometimes and I know it was rude of me to say that. If you didn’t want to talk, I shouldn’t have tried to push you.” He replies “It’s alright. You’re the only one who cares enough to try.” I look at him and see tears staining his cheeks. I reach over and we hug. He rests his head in the crook of my neck and just lets all his tears out. I can tell he has been holding them back by how his tears ricochet. 

Eventually, Conrad pulls away from the hug and says “Everyone either doesn’t try to talk to me or they seem afraid of me. I feel like I’ve lost everyone and I have no one left. No one makes me feel like I’m worth anything. I just ... I’m hurting and I miss when days were better. My dad ... he said that I should’ve been a better example. He could smell the alcohol on my breath and he wants me to shape up. He doesn’t see that this is me trying.” I take his hands in mine and say “Conrad Fisher, you’re worth more than gold. You have a wonderful beautiful soul and you deserve so much happiness. I’m sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling, but I want you to know I’m here for you. I’m here for a crying session, a good escape from reality, and I can beat up someone for you if you need me to.” He half smiles and says “But you’re a small girl and they’re not good at defending themselves.” Ahahaha throwing our parent’s words at each other, are we? I half smile and say “And you’re just the oldest sibling who too many people expect too much from.” He nods and says “It’s too much.” I reply “The past few years, when times were tough and I didn’t see a reason to keep going, you were the light in my life. You were a person who helped me see how wonderful life could be amidst the worry and grief. This place on the beach is where we would often find each other when my anxiety got really bad. I don’t know if you remember. But... this is our spot where we let go and allow ourselves to really feel what we feel.” He looks out and wraps his arm around my shoulders. I lean against him and I feel his arms tracing patterns on my arm. We talk more and the sun fully sets.

I pull away from him and we stand up. We start walking back to the house and Conrad exclaims “Thank you for letting me talk and feel and be myself. I would be lying if I said that was it for my problems.” I stop walking and ask “What’s wrong, Conrad?” He stops, looks down at the ground, and says “Nothing is wrong. Well to me, it’s not wrong. It’s stupid really. I don’t know why I feel the need to tell you because it could mean I lose you.” I take his hands in mine and say “You’re scaring me, Conrad. Please tell me what can’t you tell me that means I no longer want in your life.” He replies “I am so very in love with you, Y/N.” HOLY BLEEPING WHAT?!?!?  He quickly drops my hands and says “Just forget I said that, please. We’ll be friends and I can move on. Just don’t tell everyone please.” I put my hands on both sides of his face and say “I love you too, you big idiot.” He smiles and we kiss. Love you to the moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long...

#conrad fisher #tsitp #tsitp fanfic #tsitp x reader #tsitp conrad #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #the summer i turned pretty #fanfiction #fanfic #Conrad fisher rec

[artzzyb00-27]

Buck's Baby Deer

Buck has a daughter AU. You all love it. I know you do. Anyway her name is Calliope Buckley. And she's four years old. This takes place Post-Lawsuit(our favorite). Pretend the loft has two bedrooms, please. Jealous Eddie, of a male friend of Buck's who is flirty with everyone. So all in all, good fun. Might make a part two to this, but not immediately taking place after.

If you had told Buck that he would've ended up straining his relationship with the 118 more. He never would have officiated the lawsuit. Considered it, yes. He had a kid to think about.

Calliope Buckley. Buck's pride and joy. Truly, she was a sweet kid. She was smart, which she got from her mom, and had sass to her which came from Buck.

The swearing came from her staying up late without Buck knowing and watching what he was watching secretly. Rick and Morty is the favorite. Of course, she got grounded, but hey at least she never whines when she gets punished. Due to it happening often, and never being extreme punishments.

Also, she only does small things, like drawing on the wall. So then she can't have her crayons and markers for a week. Till she started with black pens, which artistically impressed Buck, and gave her stuff back.

Her mom? Well to put it simply, she didn't want kids. Well not yet. She didn't feel ready, but she told Buck because she knew how much he wanted his own family. She said she'd go through the pregnancy for him, but after that, they were done. Buck was heartbroken, but it was healed with a tiny baby with a birthmark running across their nose.

Reckless Buck had been mainly a ploy, yeah Abby had been a thing, and Ali had loved Calliope, but Calliope never liked the women that came. So after Taylor, he stopped dating.

Which, yeah probably got rid of free babysitter but he had Carla. Who swore to not tell anyone about Callie. That's how he ended up at the store that day. He needed to go buy kid snacks and nutritional values. And he picked up some cat stuff for his neighbor Caleb.

He had forgotten the 118 showed up there to get their supplies. It slipped his mind, especially with a hungry four-year-old wandering around inside because she saw Nemo flavored Oreos posters outside and couldn't help but run in to look for them. 

"Because you're exhausting! We all have our own problems but you don't see us whining about it. Somehow we just manage to suck it up." Eddie yelled at him, that he was exhausting. It made him freeze. For one, the guy he liked, maybe even loved, hated him. Two, his daughter was around and he didn't want her to hear this. Especially cause it was true. At least to Buck, it was. Caleb had been great at making sure he knew how much he mattered.

But sometimes no matter how hard you helped, the brain would hotwire itself to not listen. His ears were ringing. Breathing was shaky and suddenly something exploded behind them. They ran out. Callie.

He grabbed her, grabbed the cookies, paid, and got the hell out of there. When Mackey told him they won and that the fire department wanted to give him 5.6 million dollars. He refused. He already had money from Callie's mom. Who was stupid rich, and gave him extra money than he needed for child support. How did Bobby and Maddie not know about this? Well it was in the files that weren't allowed to be shown to everyone, and Maddie hadn't probed questions at him while she was with Doug.

Callie's grandparents(maternal) were godsends. When he was too busy to make a flight for Callie, they would come and visit from Michigan. Good ole Harold and Ellie. Old but sturdy. Kind yet honest. Heart driven, yet logical.

When he denied the settlement,  Chiefs Williams and Alfonso had called him in. Asking why he didn't take it. When he explained the lawsuit from his perspective, they told him they'd make Bobby let him back in. He agreed, only on the terms that no one got fired. He knew what Bobby did wasn't professional, but he didn't want the man to lose his job.

He had already given up on the idea of having his family back immediately. But that didn't matter. He needed money. He couldn't rely on others for it too much.

And he damn well wasn't going to get it from a settlement. He felt sick at the thought. So when he returned to work. He sucked up the way he was being treated.

Wasn't easy at first, but he'd been treated like this for most of his life. So he got used to it quickly. Callie was keeping him going, making sure to get up in the morning and to make food. For the both of them, because despite being young, Callie was an observant kid. Hen too, but she'd tried to keep the peace on both sides.

Guess the secret couldn't be kept any longer, as he was on a twelve-hour shift when Caleb called.

"Caleb?" He had been cleaning the kitchen counter. The 118 was dispersed everywhere throughout the station, but Eddie, Hen, Chim, and Bobby were in the dining area nearby.

Looking over, Eddie frowned his eyebrows. Who the hell was Caleb?

"Slow down-,... Shit. I'm on my way."  Buck hung up the call and sped walked to Bobby. "I'm so sorry Cap, but I need to leave. Family emergency."

"What? Maddie didn't call." Chim said confused. Buck just rolled his eyes and continued talking. Taking the others aback.

"No, not Maddie, but someone who is family to me needs help and I can't wait around. Besides I only have thirty minutes left."

Contemplating for a brief minute, Bobby gave him the go-ahead. Giving his boss thanks, he ran downstairs, grabbed his duffle, and ran out. Didn't even bother changing out.

"Who'd you think needed help? I didn't even know he had other friends outside of us." Hen's questioning made Eddie and Bobby think. Had Buck ever mentioned anyone he knew outside of work?

-------------------------------------------

Heading to the hospital had been teasingly slow. Buck didn't know what exactly happened, but his daughter was there and needed a cast.

When he got there, he saw Caleb's car in the front. Luckily there was a spot next to it so he just parked there. Running in, he saw Caleb pacing around the waiting room. This guy is the guardian angel of his daughter.

"Caleb! What the hell happened?" Buck asked running up to his new best friend. Eddie had been demoted recently, which hurt Buck more than when he admitted to himself that he was in love with the man. Wasn't that hard of a realization as Caleb was studying to be a therapist and became a free one for Buck. He was gonna be great for younger kids.

"I'm so sorry, we were at the park and she was climbing the monkey bars like usual but some kids ran underneath her. I think she freaked and let go. She broke her list when she landed. I'm so sorry, Buck." Pulling the smaller man into a hug, Buck thanked him.

"You, confident Caleb, is worried? Relax, you did the right thing. Nothing worse happened so she's going to be okay. She's a tough nut to crack remember?"

"Yeah, she didn't fuss except when we were driving on our way to the hospital. Pulled out my phone to call you but she told me not to because it, 'Wasn't a big deal.'" Yup, his daughter all right. At that moment, the doctor came out.

"Family of Calliope Buckley." Both of the men walked up to her. "She's a brave and happy girl. She insisted on a cast with monster trucks on it." Chuckling softly, Buck just imagined his baby girl talking to the doctor casually as they were adjusting her broken wrist to fit into the cast.

"Yeah, that- that's Callie. My little warrior." Smiling at Buck the doctor extended out a hand. "I'm Callie's father by the way. Caleb is her godfather." The doctor smiled and read over her clipboard telling them what kind of pain meds she would need. Caleb, however, wasn't exactly listening. Godfather. Holy shit.

After the doctor told them she could have one of them go in, he gave Buck the go-ahead. They'd talk later, right now his friend needed to see his goddaughter. Damn, that feels good to say.

After a few minutes of waiting, the Buckleys walked out and Buck handed Callie off to Caleb to go check out. Walking out with the kid towards their cars he swung her around a bit, placed her on top of his hood, and just let her play games on his phone. She was good at Clash of Clans for a six-year-old.

When Buck walked out of the hospital, Caleb saw him look around to check for cars and when he turned right he froze. Then speed walked toward his daughter and best friend. Still half watching Callie, Caleb put her in the back seat of Bucks jeep.

"What happened?" He asked with Callies door still open. Her seat was always right behind Bucks. She liked being a tailgunner for some reason.

"The 118s here." Not wanting to look suspicious, Caleb pulled Buck into a hug with his eyes closed. Then when he opened his eyes as he was about to let go, he locked eyes with one of them. A relatively smaller guy who had brown hair and tanned skin. He looked confused. Mad? Who knows, but it wasn't happy.

"We'll talk about it later. Right now, this little fighter needs an ice cream." Callie shot out of her seat and yelled out.

"Fuck yeah!" Throwing their heads back, slightly looking around for parents who thought they were better, Caleb and Buck laughed at the six-year-old. Shaking his head, Caleb shriveled her hair and practiced his handshake with Buck. Then went into his pickup and drove off. Buck settled Callie down and told her to sit down. She did so immediately, already deciding what three flavors she could mix up conveniently.

Closing her door, Buck opened his door and drove off to the small ice cream business near his apartment to get their usuals for him and his small family. Meanwhile, the 118, specifically Eddie, watched him drive away.

-------------------------------------------

Watching Buck drive away with a kid was strange. Watching Buck with another man and kid, was even more strange. Was that Caleb? And who the hell was that kid Buck had in the back seat? After that, he decided to confront Buck about it next shift but then realized that Buck wouldn't be at work for another three days.

When he came to work the next morning, he noticed the small tension because no one could ask about what the hell they saw yesterday at the hospital parking lot. So they waited. And when the time came, Bobby said they were gonna have Bosko take over for Buck.

"He's on paid family leave." He explained but wouldn't go into detail.

"Why?" Eddie asked. Maddie wasn't hurt, or Chimney would be gone as well.

"Can't say. He told me not to. Leave it at that." For some reason, Bobby looked apprehensive. Which made Eddie more frustrated. He'd already dropped the street fighting. He didn't want to see Lena right now. So that's how he somehow found himself sitting in his car. In front of Buck's apartment building.

He hadn't decided if he wanted to go in, yet he was sitting out here like a stalker. In the end, he walked into the elevator and walked towards Buck's apartment. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

After what felt like the longest minutes, Eddie heard the door unlocking. His heart beating in his chest, preparing to face whatever was behind that door. Then it opened. It wasn't Buck opening the door no. But a guy slightly taller than Eddie, with darker skin, side shaves, and braids that went over the top of his head. He had muscle and yet looked so meek. Slight stubble and a scar on his right eyebrow.

"Can I help you hermoso?" His accent seemed Dominican. Shook, Eddie froze, till he heard a familiar voice.

"Eddie?" Behind the beautiful man blocking Eddie, was Buck. In a hoodie with basketball shorts and sneakers. The hoodie was not baggy, as it clung to Bucks biceps making it look like it was about to rip. "What are you doing here?"

"I-I thought you were alone."

"Daddy? Who's that?" A little girl behind both of the men walked out of the hall from the spare room. Okay, what the fuck? Eddie thought as he stumbled slightly and opted to leave. Buck followed him down the hall closing the door, leaving Caleb to distract Callie.

"Eddie! Eddie! You can't just show up, a-and not explain why you're here randomly at 3 p.m.." Buck said after pulling Eddie to a stop with a firm hand on the shoulder. Eddie spun around breathing rapidly.

"Me? Me not explain!? You have a kid that none of us know about!"

"Why does it matter?! You've done a really good job at pretending I'm not there at work." Not wanting a repeat of the grocery store, Buck left to go inside and left Eddie frozen in the apartment complex hallway. Unconsciously doing the same thing the older man had done to him.

Finding his way, Eddie headed home to his son. Who was playing online with his friends, so it gave Eddie an excuse to lie down on his bed. Staring up at his ceiling, Eddie contemplates back. To when he first met Buck. Then to the fire truck bombing and the backyard incident at Athena and Bobby's place. It had scared him so much that he had initially agreed with the idea of Buck staying away from the 118. Hell, the whole fire department.

But when he filed that stupid lawsuit, it hurt worse to have Buck out of reach. Then he came back. And Eddie did not want to talk to him. Despite his heart longing to and making it break every time he snarked at anything Buck said or did in his general vicinity. He was angry at Buck but hated himself for being angry at Buck. The street fighting had started as a good outlet to let out the anger. But it went too far, and he blamed Buck for not being there when he needed someone to bail him out.

Now it turns out he has a family. A daughter, he had said he'd be better at raising girls than boys, and a man who looked like the perfect,... husband? Buck never talked about sexuality. Sexual innuendos yeah, but anything else no. But that didn't make sense because he had dated a woman while working at the 118. Unless it was recent. Then that Caleb guy was most likely his boyfriend.

That absolutely didn't sting.

Eddie was his best friend and yet he didn't know Buck's sexuality. Except,.. they hadn't acted like best friends had they? They(Eddie) haven't talked about the lawsuit properly and how it affected everyone(them).

Thinking back to the little girl at the apartment, Eddie couldn't help the small fond look that formed on his face. She was definitely Buck's. Seeing as the blonde curly hair and birthmark over the nose didn't give it away, she had the specific head tilt and eyebrow raise Buck had when he asked questions before going down a rabbit hole of information.

The fond expression quickly vanished as he remembered her arm. She had a cast on. That explained Buck's Paid Family Leave. Eddie could agree with Buck on this one, kids come first.

-------------------------------------------

After the Eddie pop-up two weeks ago, came Hen and Karen. Caleb was babysitting his goddaughter when knocking from Buck's apartment three doors down was heard. Repeated knocking. Sighing, Caleb threw the hand towel he was using to wipe down the island of his kitchen over his shoulder and told Callie to stay in her playroom.

Peeking out into the hallway, Caleb saw two black women waiting in front of Buck's door. His Bob Marley Vinyl could be heard from outside, so it drew their attention.

"He's not home. He'll be back in thirty minutes." They nodded and looked back at the door. Then he walked up to him.

"Hey there, I'm Hen. This is my wife Karen." Hen greeted shaking Caleb's hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"Always glad to meet beautiful faces, I'm Caleb by the way. I'm Bucks best friend." Hen and Karen gained shocked looks at different things. They gave each other a look that Caleb couldn't describe and thanked him while walking down to the lobby of that floor.

Caleb could've sworn he heard, 'Eddie's not gonna like this.', but who cares. Callie wanted Neapolitan, and she was gonna have it goddammit. After thirty-five minutes, Caleb counted, Buck opened the door and joined them for ice cream.

After they finished, they stood up and got ready to relax in their apartments separately. When Callie went in she bolted towards her room to catch up on homework she had procrastinated on accident. She had a bad memory and would forget about when to do things.

"Oh yeah, these women came by earlier. They said they were Hen and Karen?" Buck's eye widened. Then his eyebrows furrowed slightly in thought.

"They're friends through work. Why'd they come here?"

"Not sure, but they weren't happy about me saying I was your best friend. They said Eddie wouldn't be happy." Weird, they said goodbye and continued their normal weekend routine like normal. With Buck being off work for a bit and Caleb off at his work as a mechanic for big trucks, Buck decided to take Callie to the mall. She loved Hot Topic, especially with all the new pins and Bluey merch Buck told her they got.

He wanted the anime and Coraline merch they had. When they got there, they quickly went to Barnes & Noble for a gift card for Caleb's birthday and to look for Vinyls that they wanted. They ended up getting one from Bob Marley and a CD from multiple oldies artists. Callie had gotten a CD player for her birthday a few weeks back so it was perfect timing.

Though she did like her dad's music, she wanted her favorites that she had heard from Buck's Spotify and put on a special playlist for her. Heading to Hot Topic, they browsed the store together. They found some cool earrings that were based on space that Callie liked. So Buck got the punk leather bracelet pack to get another piece of jewelry for half off.

Once leaving the store, they went to the food court and ordered a pizza for the two of them. Pepperoni on one half and sausage and olives on the other. Buck got his pizza whilst Callie ate her olives individually before eating the slices. A habit that she developed from when she was a baby. Olives were always eaten separately.

After they were finished, they put the tray on the stand above the trash can and then left to go back home. Getting boba on the way though. Callie claimed that her stomach needed some liquid to calm the food in her stomach.

They got out of the car, ordered, and sat at the tables outside to enjoy the warm sun cascading down. This made everything worth it to Buck, all it was missing was,... well.

"Buck?" Hearing that voice in particular made his heart beat fast. Whether from fear or feelings. Either way, he didn't want to deal with this. "And little girl."

"Who you calling little?"

"H-Hey now, Callie, remember what I told you?" Sighing, the sassy child responded.

"'Not to speak disrespectfully to anyone you don't know.' She had used a deeper voice to repeat her father's words. "I know, I'll try to be better."

"I know." Buck's gentle reply did something to Eddie that he wasn't ready to admit yet. Turning back to Eddie, Buck asked him why he was there.

"I came to pick up and order Chim did online for us. Didn't know you'd be here, I swear." Buck just said it was fine and to ignore it. But Eddie couldn't. He went inside, grabbed the five drinks, and walked back to his truck. He placed the drinks in the passenger seat momentarily before walking back to the father-daughter duo. "Look, I know you probably don't want to talk to me after what happened at your apartment, but I need to get something off my chest."

"Is it about that overused grey shirt that's probably been through more flannels than you have relationships?"

"Callie."

"I said I'd try to be better."

Dang, Callie had some attitude. It was oddly loveable. Hearing Buck sigh and seeing him get up gave Eddie the go-ahead to speak.

"You were right. I wasn't there for you after the truck ladder. I didn't try to understand the lawsuit or your side of the story. Hell, I did the opposite and indulged in street fighting." A look from Buck made him feel smaller than he already was. "I stopped, don't worry. Anyway,... I messed up. We all did. But especially me. I promised I'd have your back and I didn't. And I swear that right here right now, if you're willing to let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. Calling you exhausting was the worst thing I could have done. Especially because it's not true, you've helped me out a lot with Christopher. And you were taking care of your daughter to add to everything else! I'm not asking for forgiveness but I am offering it to you. And even if you don't want to, I want you and Christopher to be able to hang out again. I want Christopher and your daughter to properly meet and for your boyfriend-"

"Boyfriend? Caleb's my best friend, not boyfriend." Oh. That hurt a little less than Eddie thought it would.

"Oh, well, good to know. And for you. Buck, you deserve someone who will be there for you. Platonic or not. Assuming that Maddie doesn't know yet, I won't say anything to the others about her." With that, Eddie began to walk off. Till a hand got placed on his shoulder.

"I don't forgive you yet. But I'd like to try." Letting out a sigh of relief, Eddie nodded and drove off. Quickly wiping his tears before getting out of his truck and walking inside Bobby and Athena's house. It was a start.

If he wanted his friend back, he'd have to work for it. He'd die for Buck. He'd make that clear.

-------------------------------------------

The day after the boba apology, Buck had considered introducing Callie to the 118. Only his close friends. With Caleb there for support. And to officially introduce him as the godfather to Callie. He didn't want to make anything official yet though. He wanted to get her opinion first.

"Okay." Easier than he thought.

"You sure kiddo? You've only heard stories about them." Calliope was mature for her age, but she was still a kid. He didn't want to force her into something that would make her uncomfortable.

"I mean, I'm not happy it took this long. Especially if I can have friends after school." Buck hadn't let her have friends come over from her school. The only reason was he didn't want his parents being bitchy or weird towards him and Carla about why he didn't stay home. Or why the mom wasn't around. "But Pops told me that sometimes people take time to adjust to changes. Like how I had to get used to wearing normal shoes and not light-ups all the time."

Buck didn't think he deserved her, but Caleb and Carla had reinforced multiple times that they weren't one without the other.

"Alright. I'll tell them to come over tomorrow. Is that fine?" With a small head nod, he shot a text to the group chat and one separate to Eddie. Saying to bring Chris to keep Callie comfortable. He then went over to Caleb's with Callie and spent the afternoon there.

After sending the text messages, ten minutes later Buck's phone started going off. With responses to the invitation to his apartment. They all had accepted.

-------------------------------------------

118🚒

Hen:

Sure, got nothing going on

Tried swinging by earlier and you weren't there

Chim:

Down to go, wanna bring Maddie

 Is that okay?

Buck: 

Yeah that's fine

Bobby: 

I'll be there, Athena will be too

Hen:

Karen will be working so I'm flying solo tmr

Eddie:

I'll be there

-------------------------------------------

Eddie

Hey thanks for the invite, Chris will be there too

Good to know, I was thinking of making pasta or ordering

Just order pizzas, we'll be fine

Alright, see you tmr

-------------------------------------------

A few minutes after the pizzas arrived, so did their visitors. Callie claimed that she had to make a good impression on Athena. So Buck styled her hair in Dutch braids and put on her best green shoes paired with her black overalls and striped yellow shirt.

She set out a LEGO box of Hogwarts on the coffee table for her and Chris to build together while the adults talked. When knocking was heard at the door, Callie and Buck got ready to receive them. All of them arrived near the same time so they decided to walk in together.

Taking a deep breath, Buck opened the door and smiled at them. However, their attention was quickly drawn to a young girl's voice yelling.

"Surprise bitches!" Callie was doing a dramatic pose whilst wearing sunglasses that Buck had bought a while back. They looked comically huge but somehow they went with the outfit. As they walked in, they all had shocked faces. Except Bobby, Athena, and Eddie. Caleb was still in his place fixing something with his sink.

"Guys, meet Calliope Buckley. My daughter of six years old." Maddie looked distraught yet enamored. Hen looked like she wanted to kill Buck but hugged the hell out of Callie. Chris was shaking with excitement. Chim was looking between father and daughter. Probably making comparisons in his head. Athena was smiling with a fond look in her eyes.

Bobby had probably told Athena about her already, which was fine, but the look Bobby had was heartwarming. Eddie had a small smile on his face and glanced at Buck.

"What?" Maddie asked looking to Buck for answers. But before he could answer, Callie began chatting with Chris.

"Hi, I'm Callie."

"I'm Chris."

"Wanna build a LEGO Hogwarts?"

"YEAH!"

As the kids walked away and sat at the coffee table, Buck led the adults away as best he could from the kids.

"Questions and theories, I know. But right now, have some pizza." So they did, and while they were serving, Caleb walked in.

"Hey lovely's. How's it going?"

"About to explain." They all looked at him to continue and not leave them on edge. Breathing in a sigh, he started talking. "A few years back, I met a girl. She was sweet and cool and I thought we had something special. Then, she got pregnant and she explained to me that she didn't want kids. I respected it and decided to break it off. She had Callie because she knew how much I wanted kids. I was a teen dad by technicality. Callie's grandparents took care of her while I lived with my mom and dad. After I got my job here, I was able to have her move in with me." Waiting for it to register in their heads, he silently let them ask questions. Then Chim raised his head.

"So, who's mom?"

"Penelope Smith. She has a master's in medicine and is a practitioner for athletes specifically. She sends me money when she can. Doesn't mean I don't have to work though."

"Grandparents are sweet. They come to visit from Michigan when they can." At Maddie's eyebrow raised Buck explained further.

"After having Callie, they moved to Michigan for Pen's college and to raise Callie in a more communal area. Meanwhile, I went off to travel. Mainly to get my parents off my ass. I didn't want to at first but Harold and Ellie told me to go for it."

"Nah, Harold practically dragged you into that Jeep." Laughing at the memory the 118 smiled at the pair. Eddie too, his was just dimmed slightly.

Running into the kitchen, Callie looked up at Buck.

"Can we get our slices? Me and Chris want to multitask." Earning smiles from everyone in the kitchen, Buck got four slices and put two on each plate. He turned around and sighed at his family.

"Who's hungry?"

#911 #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 abc #911 show #911 fox #evan buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #maddie buckley #bobby x athena #bobby nash #athena grant #chimney han #karen x hen #henrietta wilson #karen wilson #christopher diaz #fire fam kids #118 firefam #station 118 #911 original character #orignal character #911 fandom

[lakesbian]

undersiders ask: when playing truth or dare are they more liable to pick truth or dare. or just alec and aisha ask. whichever you think is funnier

you inherently have to suspend disbelief to imagine any undersider that isn't aisha or alec playing truth or dare, at which point it's less about 'more liable to pick truth or dare' and just 'what's the funniest thing for them to do that still feels true 2 the original characters in this scenario.' unfortunately i am not the person to invent this comedic scenario i can't imagine brian or taylor surviving a round of truth or dare even if i'm humorously exaggerating. aisha and alec however seem genuinely prone to doing the sort of truth or dare that starts off as them being like. im aisha and this is alec Welcome To Jackass. and then after they get their kicks doing varying problem-causing dares they inevitably end up having deep and meandering truth-based conversations where there's only, like, the slightest facade of still actually being playing truth or dare and they're mainly just telling each other lengthy personal stories.

#ask

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Audiobook Thoughts 11 1 2024

Near the end of both the audiobook and my Alex drawing! Should be finishing it off this week’s lesson on Thursday. I wanted to write last week’s thoughts earlier but then shit happened so here’s me making up for it to run away from my problems

Mainly two thoughts:

Alex’s Speech

The book speech and the movie speech are different, and I love both. They each serve to delivery a similar message but with different emphasis, and both were effective.

That being said, as someone who used to do public speaking at school

These two feel like two distinctly different genre of speeches

Movie Alex’s speech is succinct, to the point: stating this is an invasion of privacy and that forced outing is wrong, and stating that he genuinely loves Henry. It’s kind of what you expect from a news conference statement. He is only addressing the present issues.

 Book Alex puts a little more emphasis on his identity as First Son, and I guess in a way it’s still part of his mother’s campaign, because at the end of the speech he is still using persuasive language to urge people to vote Claremont. He doesn’t quite linger on the invasion of privacy aspect of the situation. This speech is also a lot more personal than movie Alex’s, which is really interesting given the setting. It sounds a little less like a statement and more like some of the speeches I did for competitions.

To be clear I love both, it’s just interesting pinpointing the differences as someone who has done both (granted in an academic setting)

Audiobook Recording

I been wishing for a full cast audiobook recording for the longest time mostly because I want to hear Taylor and Nick read book quotes

But while listening to the audiobook I realized audiobook reading and acting line delivery are really different

Then I realized I think what I want is an audio drama of the book

So there’s that  

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #firstprince #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #rwrb audiobook #rwrb rambles #meraki drawing class thoughts

[cametotheshowinsd]

Okay, some things about Clara. I've seen a lot of posts and tweets and stuff pointing out Clara's retirement from acting after marriage, and assuming the song might lean to that angle. I just want to say that I think there's A LOT behind the reasons of her retirement, it's not just marriage. Clara Bow was the IT girl of the roaring 20s, but she never, N E V E R , E V E R, got recognized, like, when you watch old documentaries about the flapper ladies & screen godesses of the 1920s, if that docu was made before New Hollywood era, you won't find Clara in it. They just erased her. She hailed from the poorest area of New York and had such a fucked-up childhood, yet she was so carefree and just living her life. And she was just the best actress. She was so popular at that time that media would write anything about her. She was painted by the tabloids as a "slut!", and even her maidens and assisstants were snitching to the tabloids about what men she was sleeping with at night. Being such a vivacious young woman, Clara went down with the narrative and even wrote a "confession" piece on a magazine about her flings with Victor Fleming, Gilbert Roland and Gary Cooper. Her image was badly smeared over those years. And then talking pictures era came upon Hollywood, she's an excellent silent film actress but when it comes to talking pictures she just didn't like it. She hated filming talking pictures. In the meantime she wasn't very lucky in her lovelife, her assisstants and lawyers had been skimming money from her, and her mental problems (and drinking problem, lets be honest) were getting worse. Hence the erasure. She was not pretty for the glamours Hollywood anymore. imo her retirement was mainly attributed to her mental problems (before marriage) and career downfall. The marriage is more like a tunnel exit for her. She got married in a RUSH and got the hell out. Later, she briefly made a comeback for a while, but it did not go well. Her mental illness finally got to her and led her to a tragic ending. I can see why Taylor resonates with Clara and her story, they have so many similar experiences. From Blank Space to Nothing New, from Castles Crumbling to I Did Something Bad, from dorothea to champagne problems…I see Clara in so many of her songs. I love that it's the last track on the standard album. Taylor being the "IT girl" in the 2020s is the perfect parallel of Clara was in the 1920s. I've got a feeling that Clara Bow could be a Timeless -ish song, I would like to assume that she's talking about how the society treats a female superstar and things haven't changed much. Is marriage a way out? Does she want it? Can the society endure her success for another year? Can the man endure her success? How would people remember her 100 years from now?

#this is all me assuming but yeah #clara bow #taylor swift #texts #oh btw I've read the confession piece she wrote and the Gary Cooper part is SO champagne problems I was screaming #when I read about Coop went to meet her taking a night train or something of the sort. like

[buddiebeginz]

https://www.tumblr.com/buddiebeginz/749045441710129152/people-are-saying-that-its-rude-and

It’s funny too because I guarantee most of those people saying it’s rude to call him that, had zero problem being the first in line to call all of bucks previous romances stepping stones to Buddie before they collectively decided Tommy was somehow the new Sun and Moon and Stars of Bucks world. Which is wild to me because the vast majority of them didn’t even remember who he was until they looked him up after Tim said he was briefly coming back. And sorry not sorry but if people like Abby and Taylor who were both much more integrated into the show and much more developed as characters, can be called stepping stones, and those people never found that rude or disrespectful, then Tommy who has had a grand total of maybe 10 minutes screen time in the entire series so far (being generous) and set up to be a mirror of Eddie from start to finish since his return this season (Tim’s own words mind you 🙃) can certainly be called what he is. A plot device.

Yeah my feeling is a lot of people are so in love with T*mmy mainly because he's connected to Buck's bi storyline. So all the emotions people felt at finally getting to see Buck come out and kiss a guy have been in part also put onto T*mmy. I mean consider this. If T*mmy was brought back to be a boyfriend for Josh (a character who has been canonically gay the entire run of the show) would people still be obsessing over him as much? I doubt it.

Also like you said people called other relationships of Buck's stepping stones or had issues with his past girlfriends but that was never as big of an issue as it is now. Now it's if you dare to say anything that isn't positive about T*mmy you don't care about Buck or his bi storyline. Yet we're also being told as Buddie shippers that we're making everything about Buddie. When they've definitely made Buck's bi awakening so much about T*mmy.

Yeah the show has totally made it clear that Tommy is supposed to be a mirror of Eddie, like him in so many ways just not quite the real thing. They even had Eddie saying and doing similar things to him in 704/705. There's no way this stuff isn't intentional given how popular Buddie is. The writers would know to be careful of how they handled Eddie if they didn't want Buddie to be a thing. Yet the message they're sending to the audience is that Buck is dating someone who is a replica of Eddie because it's just never occurred to him that Eddie was an option. T*mmy's main purpose in my opinion is help wake Buck up to his true feelings for Eddie.

#ask #anon #911!

[loveharlow]

Could I ask why the series is called seven? It’s probably a really obvious answer and I’m just being stupid tbh 😭😭

I was actually waiting, plotting for someone to ask this question

SO, basically, it's loosely based on the song Seven by Taylor Swift. Not the entire song, but certain parts. This is a looong explanation so buckle up...

So, Seven is loosely based on these specific lyrics from the song:

1. "Are there still beautiful things?"

In Seven, you may have noticed that TR goes through a lot of trauma and there's a lot more to come (sorry :/). But even through these traumatic events, she doesn't lose complete hope that things will get better. When I was researching characters archetypes a while back, I saw this thing where one trait of a hero is that they may bend but never break. So, even though throughout the series TR is faced with all of these things that may drive any another person to hit rock bottom and call it quits, she never does. She has her ups and downs, her doubts and breakdowns but she never waves the white flag. And that is due to the pogues, her friends, still being there for her and being each others support system throughout the entire journey. So, even when she's questioning her faith in hope, her friends show her time and time again that there is something worth fighting for. Not the gold, not the money, not even justice but for each other. She doesn't really have any family left and the pogues have become that for her. And she considers that a beautiful thing.

2. "And I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why, and I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won't have to cry or hide in the closet, and just like a folk song, our love will passed on."

To break this down one by one, the "i think your house is house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why" part is a reference to two things - obviously JJ and Luke's relationship and how TR does everything she can to keep them seperate or act as a buffer. Even though she's fully aware that Luke could beat her ass she doesn't care as long as it's not JJ that's taking it (which JJ hates but loves at the same time). But it's more largely in reference to how the home that the pogues created within each other is destroyed by the people around them because it's either no one believes them or they're against them.

The "you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won't have to cry or hide in the closet" ties in with the events after season one, which you will see in 'The Inbetween', in which TR and JJ kind of create this bubble of shared comfort between each other. Like kids playing pirates, they know that the happiness they feel after John B's 'death' is only temporary and fleeting but they try to drag it on as far as they can in hopes of comforting the other, almost ignoring their real life problems. In trying to preserve this happiness, they learn a lot about each other that they never knew in the years of knowing each other and learn how to help one another in ways that none of the others pogues can or know how to when the facade falls. They develop a deeper connection and understanding and overall appreciation for one another that unknowingly makes them feel safer in each other's presence, safe enough to be themselves and not have to conceal their emotions.

Lastly, the "just like a folk song, our love will passed on" is a little obvious. It's mainly in connection to how by the end of the series, TR and JJ have navigated their feelings, formed a connection, acknowledged that connection and nurtured it into a relationship that has, in turn, matured them as people. They helped each other learn and grow and explore and though they'd never admit it, the pogues really admire them, even on their bad days, and do hope to have a love as pure and open as theirs.

heads up: i added emoji anons to my blog, so feel free to send an ask to take one if you frequently send in asks!

#harlowhasmail💌 #svn #jj maybank x reader #faq—frequently asked questions❣️ #fic analysis 🔎

[mikewazowskikinnie]

I don’t think i ever did a proper introduction to my semi-human au so im doing one now-

——————————————————————————

- all characters keep monster-like features (horns, tails, etc) but have humanoid bodies

- the au is set during MU (and sometimes before the epilogue if im feeling like it)

- before the epilogue of MU, OK let Mike and Sulley stay at the OK house until they earned enough money from working as mail-guys to get their own place

- a few weeks after, mike persuaded sulley’s parents to let them stay at their house but sulley’s dad always held a grudge at sulley for getting expelled ://

————————————————MIKE!——————————————

- mike is blind in his right eye due to an incident in his childhood (ill probably make a mini comic about it when im better at drawing)

- he graduated high school 1 year early and therefore is 17

- mike had longer hair and wore glasses in high school but cut his hair and started wearing contacts when he got to MU in the hopes that less people would make fun of him

- he has a huge problem with pulling at his hair and biting his nails/picking skin around his nails

- biggest nerd you’ll ever meet.

- he does not own an article of clothing that has no food stains.

- bro has the BMI of a branch

- absolutely a theatre kid (he probably played Michael from BMC during high school)

- middle child out of 3 siblings ( he has an older brother (24) and a younger sister (9)

- autistic (my most popular post is literally me explaining why i hc this so i had to put it in my au)

- songs he’d kin:

————————————The Sulster!————————————

- he gives me only child vibes ngl-

- MAJOR daddy issues

-mainly because his dad was always at work and had enough money to hire people to raise him

- he kept a journal that he’d vent in during middle school but stopped using it after one of his friends almost found it (he’s a bit paranoid 😅)

- he uses being accepted by others as a way to distract himself from his shitty home life and his emotional problems (thanks @clown-cocodrile for making this hc!)

- MASSIVE fear of abandonment

- did i mention daddy issues?

- he was forced to befriend other scarer’s kids by his dad

- songs he’d kin:

#monsters inc #mike wazowski #monsters university #sulley #oozma kappa #pixar #james p sullivan #art #johnny worthington #claire wheeler #caoi yaps about his au #au #explaining my au #semihuman au #semihuman mike #ask semihuman mike! #semihuman sulley #Spotify

[taylor-on-your-dash]

GIRLZ HOLLAND - PUBLISHED ON JANUARY 7, 2011

I'm slowly (very slowly) transcribing Taylor's interviews for my Interviews Timeline, and I came across some interviews in foreign languages on TaylorPictures.net, like this one. This is an experiment, I randomly picked one and I "translated" them with Google Translate (I can translate Italian and German but I can't speak any more languages).

An interesting thing about this interview is Taylor saying that all of her relationship from the previous year had failed. It's crazy to think that All Too Well was in the making. Translation below the cut, and Happy belated Easter!

-The boys lie in rows at your feet. Has it always been that way?

LOVETALK MEETS TAYLOR SWIFT

Taylor Swift (21) is a tough chick who is not afraid to approach nice guys. After relationships with Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas, she is now often spotted with Jake Gyllenhaal, but Taylor is saying nothing about it for the time being. She does talk a lot about one of her favorite topics: loooove!

-'Not actually, no. I really didn't have much success in love in the past. It was so bad that out of insecurity I paired the boys I liked with my girlfriends. I managed to arrange dates for everyone except myself. The advantage of this was that I became friends with all the boys at school, but on the other hand, that was of course not really fun. Sometimes I fell in love with a boy who mainly saw me as a BFF and then fell in love with someone else. Then I could cry..."

-You must have been very popular at school with all that matching work!

-'No. it was not! The girls at my school were a bit bitchy and they were very jealous because I was so good with the boys. They also bullied me because of my... glasses with thick lenses. I have pretty bad eyesight and was regularly called 'Jampot'. Actually, I didn't really fit in anywhere, because I was very different from all my classmates. I was pretty quiet in class and kept busy writing lyrics. I didn't really care what they thought of me. Somehow I was just sure that I would eventually go further than everyone else.

-Which type of guys do you actually like?

-'I don't have one specific type, but I mainly like guys who have a passion. I find someone who loves his job or is completely absorbed in a certain hobby very attractive. I used to think it was especially cool if a boy had a nice car, wore cool clothes and all that. looked good. Now none of that matters to me anymore. I am especially looking for a boy with a strong character, whom I can trust completely."

-But your famous ex-boyfriends aren't exactly ugly, right?

-'Um… that's true. But I find someone Not really ugly anyway. And of course it's no problem if my future boyfriend is the biggest hunk in town. I just want to point out that the appearance is not the first thing I fall for. On the other hand, Chace Crawford is a guy I won't say no to! In short, like everyone else, appearance is partly decisive for me, but in a bad way I lose character very quickly. And besides, in the end, handsome boys just become old grandpas with dentures."

-Are famous boys an advantage or a turn-off for you?

-That in itself doesn't really matter to me. It usually clicks more quickly with someone who is also in the world. For other boys, my fame is often clearly something puts them off a bit. It makes me very uncomfortable when they find out who I am and then start praising me. Boys who are also in the spotlight will understand that faster. I'd rather be treated like an ordinary girl than a superstar.

-What kind of guys can't stand you?

-'I am very sensitive and I talk a lot. What I really hate are guys who have nothing to say and just say "yes" or "hmm" to everything. Those closed types who don't talk about anything are of no use to you. And what I also find a turn-off are guys who drink a lot and want to go out every weekend. I'm a bit of a homebody and I like it if the other person can be the same every now and then.'

-Do you dare to tell your friends if you don't like their new lover?

-'Absolutely! Isn't that why you're friends? When you are in love, you often look through rose-colored glasses. Then some properties are not noticeable. My friends are everything to me. If done right, they will last longer than any crush."

-As a former queen of couples, do you have any good tips for seducing someone?

-'Just because I'm a good matchmaker doesn't mean I'll make anything of it, right? Last year all my relationships failed. When it comes to love, I have no idea how to go about it. That is different in every situation, so I would actually advise: just go with your feeling. Last time I jumped straight into the deep end. That was great and very exciting, but in the end it also hurt me a lot. The time before I worked carefully and exploratively and it didn't yield anything for me. That also hurts quite a lot, I can tell you.'

-What do you think is the best cure for a broken heart?

-'You just have to do a lot of things that make you very happy. I am also very optimistic. A sad day. being is fine, but inside I know that the sun will shine again. For the rest I write everything down. That's why so many of my songs are about broken loves.'

-Do you regret some things that have happened to you in the area of ​​love?

-'No, I wouldn't have missed all my adventures for anything. These were all important life lessons that I will benefit from in the future. So I don't regret anything.

Which love lesson has been the most important so far?

-"I've learned that nothing is set in stone. That's a terrible conclusion for someone like me, who likes to plan and organize. But love can't be forced. You can want it to last forever, but before you know it, it can It has to come from both sides and both parties have to be fully committed to it.'

-In other words: love is...

-'Like a dice. Love cannot be predicted. Sometimes you roll a six in one go, sometimes only after ten rolls!'

#taylor swift #taylor swift interviews #girlz holland 2011

[82mkl]

82mkl's masterlist

☆ — mainly for nct!!

☆ — feedback, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.

☆ — i don't have a schedule for my posts since i write for fun!!! i'm a graduating college student, so i want to avoid burnouts especially with writing being one of my coping mechanisms.

☆ — requests are always open! (no smut and no rush reqs pls) (i love song reqs hehe esp taylor swift songs)

☆ — requests are always open! (no smut and no rush reqs pls) (i love song reqs hehe esp taylor swift songs)

yuta

☆ — promise ring

jaehyun

☆ — champagne problems

☆ — october 13

☆ — birthday morning

☆ — this is the end (part 1) begin again (part 2)

mark

☆ — fearless

☆ — labyrinth

☆ — touch

jeno

☆ — countdown

☆ — pretty sure

haechan

☆ — at your party

☆ — attention

jaemin

☆ — a week at the cafe

☆ — be healthy

#nct scenarios #nct masterlist #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream #nct 127 #wayv

[fangirlfreak08]

Tlh characters/relationships and speak now (Taylor’s version) part two

Haunted

Anna. Anna being in love with Ari for years and using other women as a coping mechanism. Anna thinking her and Ari were together and then finding out about the engagement and feelings betrayed ‘i thought I had you figured out’

Also on a more literal note, Grace to kit (I’m sorry)

Last kiss

Ari and Anna. Like I hear your Grace and kit but no because they weren’t *technically* together when he y’know… HOWEVER anna and ari did literally kiss and then break up with next day and then spend like a year estranged. ‘So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep’ it’s giving Anna not letting herself get close to Ari until she’s dying.

Long live

Like all of them? But specifically the merry thieves. ‘And for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world’ with them four being the perfect close knit group (OF LITERAL THEIVES) for YEARS. ‘If you have children someday please tell them my name’ with none of their children being able to meet kit but you know damn well they will know their uncle kit like they know the rest of their uncles. ALSO Emma and Julian literally pointing to their pictures and Tessa telling them their names?? ‘And the cynics were outraged’ with like half the adult population hating their guts

Ours

Lucie to Jesse. The song gives such innocent first love vibes as well as like a serious amount of ‘what the hell is going on’ from outsiders which in the context of the book, it just because Jesse’s like legit come back from the dead. But neither of them care because this love is theirs

Superman

Let’s be so for real rn it’s Thomas about Alastair. ‘Tall dark and beautiful’ like a Persian prince maybe? ‘He’s not at all bad like his reputation’ I mean COME ON Thomas defending him despite his rep because he knows him!

Electric touch

Purely for accuracy it’s lucie and Jesse. ‘This could either break my heart or bring it back to life’ AND SHE LITERALLY BRINGS HIM BACK TO LIFE?!?!! ‘Fill this ghost town up with life’ him being happy for the first time in years and dancing with her and everything while literally BEING A GHOST?!

Also metaphorically Thomastair both ways, for Alastair ‘bringing Thomas back to life’ by seeing through him after Barbara’s death or Thomas ‘bringing Alastair back to life’ by just loving him

When Emma falls in love

Lucie about Cordelia. So like Cordelia but from lucies pov. Cause Cordelia spent most of her childhood falling for James and being incredibly obvious and she’s a queen. And lucie just idolising her, I mean the gal wrote the whole beautiful Cordelia.

I can see you

It’s giving Thomas and Alastair like hanging out in paris and Charles never catching on, and them making out in the sanctuary and will walking in literally 30 seconds later and never knowing and Thomas being in love for years and his closest friends never working it out-but like mainly the sanctuary scene tbh

Castles crumbling

Either James or Matthew. Like James for the clave turning against him (and his entire family) after learning about Belial and Matthew for his whole world upending and him and James fighting and Cordelia realising he’s still drinking and hanging to tell his parents the truth.

Also everyone turning against Grace but no one really like her at first BUT ari being like ‘I can’t believe she lived in my house’

Also maybe Charles?? Like he had the support of the inquisitor, a fiancé, his family’s love, the claves respect and then he lost the family’s respect when he went against the herondales and lost the claves when he came out

Foolish one

Matthew, Thomas, Alastair, Cordelia-I could go on I mean it just fits

Matthew: First Lucie then Cordelia he has a thing for unrequited love and he knows it but he still hoped Cordelia would chose him and she didn’t

Thomas: the man was in love with Alastair for YEARS and had to watch him and Charles be in love for years without knowing the problems within their relationship (but he got his man so there’s that)

Alastair: hoped and hoped that Charles would chose him over his career just once but he never would and ‘I’ll get your longing glances but she’ll get you rings’ and Charles constantly getting engaged HOWEVER ‘the day is gonna come for your confessions of love’ and Thomas’ ‘Keli asheghetam. I love you let me love you’

Cordelia: I could literally copy and paste thomas bit and change the names man

Timeless

Thomas and alastair. They fell in love at the academy (fight me on this) and then again in paris and then again in London and they were vastly different people in all of these places and yet they still found each other. Also history repeats itself (a lightwood falling in love with someone everyone kinda warns them against without realising it and then professing their love in the others first language)

#Tlh #the last hours #chain of thorns #Alastair carstairs #Thomas lightwood #Cordelia carstairs #James herondale #lucie herondale #jesse blackthorn #grace blackthorn #matthew fairchild #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood

[vaultedthewall]

Chronicles of Amber Fancast

Prefacing this with what I actually want from a Chronicles of Amber series is that tweet about not actually wanting an all star cast but ten unknowns and a scriptwriter that is deeply unwell. But if I'm gonna pick and choose big name actors here is who I would like based mostly on vibes, attractiveness (to me), and the likelihood it would really upset certain subreddits. AKA everything important in life. Mainly just the children of Oberon in the first five books bc it's already long enough as is.

Corwin - Oscar Isaac

Charismatic enough to make me forget how much I fucking hate Corwin, also he can sing. Thanks to Moon Knight we know he can totally rock "Protag who is just as confused as the audience as to what is going on" which is v important for Nine Princes In Amber.

Benedict - Idris Elba

Tall, 100% Done With This Family's shit, can carry the vibes of someone who only doesn't have the throne because he doesn't want it and everyone agrees if that was different he'd just have it.

Eric - Taika Waititi

Can balance both absolute piece of trash bag of dicks while still being charismatic which is really what's important about Eric.

Deirdre - Kali Reis

You want a battle maiden you'll get a battle maiden. If anything the main problem here is there's no way on god's green earth you could convince me she'd need Corwin and/or Random to come to her rescue for anything, but hey adaptations are for changing things.

Fiona - Sophie Turner

For all the redheads I thought it'd be important to pick people who normally play affable everymen/heroes/people you're used to seeing as goodguys, even if the nature of adapting a book series that's older than most of the people you'd cast in it means the 'big twist' of who the traitors are is something everyone sees coming. So someone well practiced at ingenues would be perfect for the actual baddest bitch in charge.

Bleys - K. J. Apa

We're gonna give him a better dye job than Riverdale though okay I promise.

Brand - Jack Quaid

Absolutely 'just this guy you know' vibes. Easy to overlook. Would YOU believe he was the big bad? Come on.

Llewella - Halle Bailey

Yes I'm making a Little Mermaid joke, try and stop me. But also given how shafted she was in the books I think it's important to use someone who can do a lot with having few speaking lines (though hopefully again that would be fixed in an adaptation)

Caine - Vico Ortiz

Literally I just want to watch them doing all the scenery chewing bullshit you know Caine has to get up to while they are manipulating and spycrafting their way through shit. Can fully believe they'd pull a finding a copy of themself to kill and leave so people don't know they're still around behind the scenes. Especially in their Blackbeard fit, come on.

Julian - Conrad Ricamora

Did I just cast my absolute most favorite Mister Darcy as my number one blorbo Julian? Call the fucking cops on me idgaf. His resting bitch face and sarcasm are second to none. Also watch Fire Island (2022) on Hulu.

Gérard - Jason Momoa

Along with being the biggest canon kinda implies he's also the hottest of all of Oberon's sons so absolute massive dreamboat Jason Momoa it is. Also for the lolz of him and Vico being the navy people.

Florimel - Jamie Clayton

Did you ever see a woman so beautiful you started crying?

Random - Bex Taylor-Klaus

They can absolutely go through the journey of youngest sibling in the jester position/fuckup because who cares > most responsible one after all.

BONUS

Bill Roth - Wil Wheaton

Look I adore his narration of the last five Amber books!!! I want him somewhere so the reliable chillax lawyer from earth who somehow just rolls with becoming the family lawyer for what amounts to gods of reality. I know I said I actually want a bunch of unknowns for the actual series but I will cry at whoever I must to make this happen. Please.

#chronicles of amber #fancast #roger zelazny

[lakesbian]

alec and aisha both suck and brian’s the only one (ineffectually) trying to “manage” them

the team dynamics are like

alec, aisha: suck to work with in an irritating way (alec bc being annoying is funny 2 him and one of his only modes of emotional expression, aisha because being annoying is funny 2 her + she's desperate 4 attention)

rachel: also sucks to work with but it's bc she mainly just wants 2 be left alone (her perception of 'left alone' is deeply unconducive to teamwork)

brian, lisa, taylor: responsible for managing the other 3, have different varyingly successful approaches

see here:

brian, lisa, and taylor are The Leading Trio--brian being the initial leader who is eventually usurped by taylor, lisa being the informant who subtly co-leads for both brian and taylor, and taylor being the control freak who inevitably usurps brian.

alec, aisha, and rachel are The Following Trio, the ones who go with the plans instead of making them, who aren't the 'brains' of the group, who are at times viewed as irritating/factors to be managed.

taylor is most successful at managing rachel because she both understands the reasons for her behavior & consciously communicates with her on her terms. aisha respects her enough to listen to her after a bit of prodding or when the situation is dire enough that there's no time for messing around, but taylor doesn't ever really realize that aisha feels that respect for her. she struggles to manage alec because she doesn't understand what motivates his behavior and tries to communicate w/ him on terms that miss the point of what he actually wants.

lisa understands rachel and is decent enough at micromanaging her if she tries, but her style of manipulation doesn't work as well as taylor's fullhearted approach, and she never really dedicates herself to getting down on rachel's level. she's good at going with aisha's flow instead of trying to flat-out control her, like when she recognizes in parasite 10.1 that aisha just needs a distraction and successfully tells her to check out the bedroom (whereas brian is stuck on trying to tell aisha No without giving her an alternative route). i imagine she understands that there is A Lot Wrong with alec but doesn't treat him like a pet project like she does taylor--he gets serious w/o complaint when they're on a job and his problem behavior can simply be ignored when they're not working.

brian's issue is that, despite being ostensibly responsible for wrangling the othersiders prior to taylor joining, he doesn't really Get them--he doesn't know how to interact w/ rachel without brute force, he loves aisha more than anything but doesn't get how to work w/ her beyond just not provoking her further, and he gets on well enough with alec but isn't close with him and has no idea how to communicate with him. he very badly wants to Not Be His Mom's Boyfriend, but he kind of sucks at communicating w/ the othersiders outside of giving orders and then barely-restraining his frustration when the orders don't work. getting on their levels to properly communicate would require a measure of vulnerability from him that he doesn't know how to experience.

#ask #worm