The Way We Wind
bluefay @thesleepiesthufflepuff
Chapters: 14/14
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Narcissa Black Malfoy, Teddy Lupin, Andromeda Black Tonks, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Original Characters
Additional Tags: Knitting, odd jobs, Harry owns a knitting shop, Draco helps Narcissa arrange flowers, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Coping, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Depression, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Harry Potter has a pet cat, Artist Harry Potter, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Getting to Know Each Other, Getting Together, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Bisexual Harry Potter, Gay Draco Malfoy, Feelings Realization, Domestic Fluff, Slow Burn, Christmas Shopping, Snow, White Christmas, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Christmas Presents, A cat named Stockinette, Sharing a Bed, Reunions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hot Chocolate, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Consent, Ice Skating, Crafts, Height Differences, POV Harry Potter
Series: Part 1 of The Way We Wind
Summary:
After the war, Harry’s life falls to shambles. Each day revolves around an intense battle with his mental health, and there’s nothing that Ron or Hermione can do to help him.
That is, until Hermione teaches Harry how to knit.
Fast forward five years, and Harry is the proud owner of a renowned knitting shop in Diagon Alley, The Whomping Willow Woolery. Christmas season is upon him, and the shop is busier than ever. So, is it really a surprise that Draco Malfoy wanders in looking for a gift for his mother?
Cue awkward meetings, fluffy knitting lessons, a truly horrible scarf, a cat named Stockinette who is readily obsessed with Draco, and falling in love with one’s worst enemy.
Excerpt:
Instinctively, Harry took both of Draco’s icy hands in his own and immediately began sinking into the sensation of skin on skin. “Draco… you’ve somehow become one of the most important people in my life over the past fifteen days, and, frankly, I feel like Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without seeing you.”
Draco blinked at him earnestly. “You mean that?”
Harry let out a soft pitter of laughter. “Of course I mean it. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been trying to find every excuse to hang out with you. I just can’t stop thinking about all the years we wasted hating each other.”
“No, I think those years were important,” Draco murmured, looking down at their hands intertwined. “Without them, we wouldn’t be where we are.”
Staring at Draco, whose pale skin was flushed in the dim amber glow coming from the living room lamp, Harry felt a wave of courage coursing through him, and he realised that if he didn’t say something right here, right now, then he never would.
Harry slowly removed his right hand from where it had been resting on Draco’s and moved it upwards, cupping Draco’s cheek. The softness and warmth of his face underneath Harry’s calloused fingers was addicting, and although Draco’s pale pewter eyes had gone wide with skepticism, Harry reassured himself that he was making the right decision.
If not now, when?
“Draco,” Harry began, his voice barely above a soft whisper, “I… I have something to tell you.”
“Oh. Okay,” Draco said, a look of uneasiness shifting across his face. “What is it?”
Harry took in a deep, shuddering breath. “Have you ever felt tethered to someone, as though there was a string connecting the two of you together? It’s like I’m on a yarn winder, and no matter how fast or slow I’m spinning, the other person is winding the same way.”
Draco’s eyes flicked upwards, catching Harry’s. “Yes, I know the feeling. Who are you winding with?”
“You, Draco,” Harry murmured, his heart thudding against his chest. “I’m winding with you.”
Draco shifted forward, one hand moving to Harry’s chest and the other to the nape of Harry’s neck. “Well, that’s awfully convenient.”
Harry swallowed thickly. “Why?”
“Because I’m winding with you, too.”
Draco’s words echoed in Harry’s ears repeatedly until they nearly lost meaning. Sitting so close to Draco, Harry could make out things that he’d never quite noticed before: his eyelashes the colour of white gold, a dark spot on the bottom left of his blush coloured lips, and the barely visible trail of sandy freckles dotting the bridge of his sharp nose.
And, instantaneously, Harry knew that none of this had been a sudden, spur-of-the-moment development. He’d been, in fact, falling in love with Draco Malfoy for years. One of his most painful memories, that of the Astronomy Tower all those years ago, crossed his mind, and he realised that he’d seen then the same version of Draco that he was seeing now; scared, and with a lot to lose.
The warmth from Draco’s palm felt steady against Harry’s chest, reassuring him that this was real ― that Draco was here, in his flat, saying that he felt the same way.
Harry leaned forward, their foreheads pressed together, and let out a soft breath. “May I kiss you?”
Pulling back just enough so that they could look at each other again, Draco reached up and gently took off Harry’s glasses, placing them on the table. “Now you can.”
Their movements weren’t rushed, instead coming together with a softness that Harry hadn’t expected. As their lips met, Harry could feel the rest of the world fall away. The only thing that mattered was right in front of him.
It wasn’t fireworks, as first kisses were so often described in Muggle media. Instead, kissing Draco was like a thousand beating wings rushing towards the sun, a vibrant warmth spreading through his chest as they held each other close. There was a certain comfort in Draco’s slightly chapped lips, as though Harry had known and been intimate with them for years now. He supposed he had, to a degree, having memorised the form of Draco’s lips from all the way across the Great Hall throughout his time at Hogwarts.
In some ways, it was just like coming home.
₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
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What was the point of Scrooge's trip with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come? On a structural level, it makes sense--three is the fairy tale number, and you can't visit the past and present without also including the future--but on a character level, it doesn't quite seem necessary. Showing a man that he'll die alone, unloved, and unmourned seems like the strategy you take as the last-ditch effort to convince a guy that he needs to change his ways. But that situation doesn't apply to Scrooge. He started softening immediately after he first arrived in his past. By the time he finished with the Ghost of Christmas Present, he was fully onboard with the need to reform, so the Ghost's vision of his future seems like unnecessary cruelty. Why show him all this when he was already planning to change his ways?
A few things come to mind. One is that this vision of the future wouldn't have affected Scrooge unless he had already changed his ways. A cold, hard businessman could have seen his lonely death as just the way of the world, might have viewed the people who stole the clothes from his corpse as just people doing what's practical in this world. He needed to relearn the value of the intangibles--human connection, respect for others--to see the true horror of the lonely death and the vultures who defiled the dead man.
But why the horror? Can't he reform without being threatened with doom? It's possible--but it's also possible such a reform would be temporary. After all, Scrooge started as a friendly, loving young man, but retreated into himself and his business out of fear of poverty and fear of the way the world looks down upon poor people. Even if a reformed Scrooge started on a course of Christmas charity, there was always a chance that the enthusiasm would fade, and the worldly fears would start creeping back in. The only way to beat those fears is to give him something to fear that's even worse than poverty. He needs to see the horrible end that his selfish ways would lead to, so he won't be tempted to slide back into them.
There's also the fact that seeing his death makes him ecstatically happy to find that he's alive after the Ghost is gone. Had Scrooge been spared the vision of his future, he might have been happy to find himself on Christmas Day, but his joy would have been nowhere near the manic glee he experiences after coming back from the future. Now, he doesn't just get a new start--he gets a second chance. Coming back from his own grave makes him mindful of his death, but it also makes him hyperaware of the fact that he's still alive. He isn't in the ground yet. He still has time to do good and make connections with others so he doesn't die alone.
Seeing the past reminded him of the innocence he'd lost. Seeing the present reminded him of the people whose lives he was missing out on. Seeing the future reminded him that death is waiting, so it's important to live virtuously while we can. All three are important because all three brought him outside of himself and taught him to value the wider world, just in time to live through another Christmas Day.
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As someone who’s done bereavement care for almost 20 years, I’ve observed again and again and again that it is not staying with grief that cuts us off from other people, it’s suffocating grief and suppressing grief. It’s impossible to repress grief without also repressing all sorts of other things like joy and memory. Actually, expressing grief naturally connects us empathetically to other people. It is not an accident that right now when there is such a profound suppression of global grief, we’re also finding ourselves in a moment of such isolation.
Rabbi Elliot Kukla, in them magazine
I sought out this piece because Rabbi Kukla was quoted in today's sermon in reference to the ongoing genocide in Gaza ("It is lifesaving to mourn our humanity in inhumane times").
But this paragraph about grief hit me so hard I wanted to single it out to share. It is relevant to corporate grief of the sort we might experience when a state is doing harm in our name (police brutality, displacement, execution). It is also relevant to individual griefs.
In the bereavement calls I do for hospice, I have noticed, this is precisely what gets people stuck in grief: the feeling that there is no safe space and time to express grief. Companies tend to give very little accommodation for bereavement, if they give any at all. Culturally we're expected to get over losses in a matter of days. But grief rewires us, and some losses-- particularly losses like war, displacement, and police brutality where a state or institution does the same kind of harm repeatedly-- are complex and ongoing.
Grief impacts sleeping, eating, executive function. (I don't ask people in bereavement calls, "How are you doing?" I ask, "How are you sleeping?" "How's your appetite?" Maybe "Are there moments from your caregiving, or from your [loved one's] dying, that keep coming up for you?" Because of course you're not fine! You just lost someone essential to you. What I want to know is, is your body getting a chance to repair itself as your mind and heart process what you've experienced?)
People have talked to me after a loss about feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by daily life. It's not unlike recovering from a major injury and having a sizable portion of your bandwidth given over at all times to the tasks of bone, muscle, and nerve repair that are not under your conscious control. When tasks you're used to thinking of as having one part suddenly make it clear how complex they are? Cooking a meal takes more out of you. Doing a load of laundry takes more out of you. If you're already an introvert, the cost of social engagement goes up, at a time when social engagement might actually be very helpful.
Doing some of our grief work with other trusted people shares the load. It recovers some bandwidth. But many folks learn early in the grieving process that they have fewer trusted people than they thought. Or that it feels like the wrong time to deepen an acquaintanceship they'd hoped might become a friendship. Or that they aren't as comfortable asking loved ones for help as they thought they would be.
And the bereavement model I'm trained in assumes that a grieving person has experienced one recent loss. We know that a recent loss might poke us in the tender spots left by earlier losses. But that's still different from the experience of a tragedy that affects a whole community at once (as in an entire region's population losing multiple loved ones in a very short time and being forced to flee).
I don't really have a conclusion here, but I'm finding the activism that feels most healing and hope-filled to me has lament built into it: a chance to name the people who've died in our county's jail, while advocating for better communication with families of people inside. A chance to call out the names of people lost to covid while advocating for policies that will mitigate risk to vulnerable people.
Maybe it takes days to name all the people impacted by ongoing genocides in Congo, Palestine, Yemen, while urging our government to end its role in those genocides. Maybe our systems and structures, which aren't even good at honoring our grief for members of the nuclear family we're taught is our primary world, are disinclined to give us that time. Maybe we ought to take it anyway.
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