#a continuation of a story of self-understanding

[silenceandpatiencepining]

I am dusting off my little blog here because TTPD has my mind absolutely reeling. I am really wondering if anyone else listened to this and had this feeling that the album confirmed everything that they were thinking was going on with her. I know we talk so much about reading her songs beneath the surface of muses or certain details used to craft a story, but to me, TTPD reads so strongly of her reckoning with her life in the industry. like, it's so much more than the relationships. it's the comp het, it's the religious trauma, it's the being exploited as a child star, it's deep wound of abandonment and neglect when she as a person got split off from her brand and both could not thrive, it's giving everything to this brand and career and fandom and that still never being enough. it's her codependency with the very people that exploit her. it's the fact that she is bigger than she ever imagined and none of it feels how she wanted. it's the simultaneous love and resentment she has towards her family, and relationships, and career, and yes, even her fans.

the rawness of this album, the unrefined feel, the summation poem talking about this as mania, the continuation of the cage imagery and themes of escaping to her mind/fantasy, the coping with criticism, numbing it all with alcohol, the willingness to burn it all down and disgrace her name because none of this is what she wants or at least not how she wants.

I have seen so many criticisms of the album and honestly, I understand where they are coming from, but I also think the things they criticize make the exact point of what this body of work is - something that exists for it's own sake to turn things back on the people that made her into what she is now. art created not to be acclaimed but because it demands to be expressed. it is an exorcism, an expulsion. it is something that erupted from her. and it's so meta because this fandom and the industry are voyeurs in an echo chamber so desperate to see what they want that they miss that this is about them. that is what makes it brilliant to me - it is self-indulgent and metaphorical, and complex, and so direct, but yet still masked just enough that people miss it. her entire life has become performance art. it is a play within a play. and I fear the audience has not caught on.

it feels like she is reclaiming it all. I feel like this could either be a hint at a new beginning or a signal that she has broken and this is the end. this felt like the tell-all memoir written in code that everyone else will finally understand when she really leaves this spotlight. it's the lucky one come to life. she is daydreaming about fucking it all and leaving this life behind so she can finally have some goddamn peace.

I love this album for it as art. it is so expressive. it is so heartbreaking. it's messy and nuanced, and I think it is going way the fuck over most people's heads, especially when you really dig into poetry being the theme and the specific works she references. it's only been a week and I am just starting to really dig in but talk about a fucking iceberg.

#ttpd #tsttpd #tortured poets department

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 29, Unarmed, Redux - Pt. 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language,

Word Count: 741

Previously On...: Steve made some confessions.

A/N: Finally, resolutions!

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

Tumblr will not let me directly tag the following: @marcswife21 @erelierraceala @jupiter-107 @doublejeon @hiqhkey @unaxv @brookeleclerc

You sat there, staring off into space for several moments. You couldn’t believe that had just happened. Was there no end to the number of times a super soldier would betray you?

Bucky cleared his throat after a few silent minutes. “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone now, doll,” he said. “‘M sure I’m one of the last people you want to see right now.”

He made to leave, but you called him back. “Buck, no,” you said. He turned around and looked at you quixotically. “Stay. We’re not done.”

He swallowed, then nodded, coming back to sit in the armchair next to your bed. “Yeah, okay,” he said. 

“Did you mean what you said,” you asked, looking up at him. “Back in Atlantic City? When you said you were self-sabotaging?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at you in confusion, as if that was the last topic of conversation he expected you to bring up right now. “When, uh… when you broke things off, for good, after Russia, I started seeing Raynor a lot more frequently. Like, two hours a day, every day,” he offered. “I needed to understand why I kept ruining things, especially when you make me so damned happy. It didn’t make sense to me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, didn’t make much sense to me, either,” you told him with a smirk, but he didn’t catch it.

“She told me, and I’m paraphrasin’ here, that, despite all the progress I’ve made, I still haven’t forgiven myself for the things I’ve done as the Winter Soldier,” he said, fidgeting with his metal fingers. “And, because I haven’t forgiven myself, I can’t see myself as being worth being loved, being happy. So, I did things, behaved in ways that proved I shouldn’t be. Like a, uh… ‘self-fulfilling prophecy,’ she said.

“She said that I created a loop, a cycle, where I kept makin’ fucked up decisions because I kept expectin’ to fuck up,” he continued. “Like, of course I hurt you, because I was scared of hurting you, if that makes sense? She said Carthage was like a mirror. When I sought validation from her, I was really seeking it from myself. I don’t necessarily know if I buy that,” he chuckled humorously. “Feels like it lets me off the hook too easily, but the doc seems to think it makes sense.”

You nodded, considering his words. “I thought you said she was a shitty quack,” you said after a moment. Bucky looked at you questioningly. “I did.”

“Sounds to me like you owe her a ‘thank you,’” you said, smiling at him. “What did she tell you to do about it?”

Bucky shrugged. “She called me a fucking dumbass, to start. Told me real love isn’t about whether or not you think you’re worthy of someone; it’s about working to be worthy of someone, to keep striving to be the best version of yourself for them. She said I needed to learn how to be honest, with you, and myself, to let you know when I’m struggling, to open up so we can help each other carry our burdens, and not hide mine away because I’m afraid.”

“She sounds a lot smarter than you’ve ever given her credit for,” you teased gently.

Bucky snorted. “Never let her hear you say that,” he said. “I won’t hear the end of it.”

“Can I ask you a question?” he said, after a moment of silence. You nodded. “Did you mean what you said, in front of Carthage, that you wished we could start fresh? Build something new? Something better?”

You nodded again. “With my whole heart,” you told him. 

Bucky seemed to take a moment to contemplate your words before he stuck out his hand. “‘M Bucky,” he said.

You scoffed playfully. “What the hell kind of name is ‘Bucky’?” you asked with a grin.

“I dunno,” he said with an answering grin of his own. “What the hell kind of name is Pocket?”

You grabbed his outstretched hand and pulled him to you, slotting your mouth over his and feeling his smile against your lips. “POCKET!” you heard Tony shout from behind the closed door. “He’s been in there long enough! The people demand to know! What the ‘F’ Is It?”

You and Bucky broke apart from your kiss, foreheads pressed together as you both laughed. Yeah, you thought with a smile, the two of you were going to be okay.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

[brujahinaskirt]

I will never shut up about how Kingdom Come: Deliverance is the most tenderly written game served to the most loutish horde of jackasses. I think it is possibly one of the greatest pieces of popular fiction made about feudalism in recent history, even if it's not always the most historically accurate.

And that's because the whole damn thing is about the profound, authority-enforced inhumanity that self-propels feudal order... but this time, it's written from the perspective of, for lack of better word, "humanity undermines, and humanity wins."

Love wins, if you want to be cheeky.

This was originally meant to be a reply to @feelinungry's excellent post on the subject, but it outgrew itself and got super bloated, so I'm plopping it in its own post to not be obnoxious...

KINGDOM COME: DELIVERANCE MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

And the reason all this about humanity and love is so important to the core of the story, to the very backbone of the narrative (even beyond the plot), is that it exists in opposition and to the impairment of the feudal system. Kingdom Come: Deliverance means to teach us, by way of deeply dramatic plots following individuals, how feudalism works and why it worked the way it did. And why and how that system fails.

The vehicle by which the game does this is by showing us, over and over, how the stratification of feudal class is eroded and sometimes outright dissolved (either in general, as with Henry and Hans, or when it matters most, as with Radzig and Henry) by plain and simple love.

Feudalism, like most class-stratified systems, relies upon 1. dehumanization of those beneath one's appointed status; 2. fealty (mock-love) to those above one's status, their title-appointer class; and 3. the maintenance of a deep separation between these artificially bestowed statuses, as enforced by church (as in word of clergy, not word of god) & state (legal rules and law). Those words and laws existed to propel the system by divide-and-maintain (of the workforce populace, placing it firmly below the next class in line, etc.) in the service of unify-and-profit (for the ruling class).

Sigismund & his invading army are wholly separated and adherent to the feudal theory, even if they have flouted codes of warfare & inheritance; they are presented to us as the main dehumanizing force of the story world, a wave of Order that indiscriminately burns opposition flat rather than an individual leading a royal coup, a cyclical destruction that paves the way for the next flavor of rule to continue the feudal system ad infinitum. They're thoroughly separated from the story even when they are burning down a village in front of our eyes and generally move as one, with Markvart occasionally stepping out of that mass of Feudalism and its antihuman nature to give it a face. They're more a force of nature than an individual as far as the narrative goes.

And we are meant to understand that in sharp contrast to the "close" story, the cast we get to know and watch as they attempt to answer this force of nature. And the second we see these characters get close enough to each other, by raw proximity, to poke a pin into the wineskin of feudal order as dictated to them by authority, it bleeds--everywhere. Not in the sense of ruination but in the sense that a tiny wedge of empathy cracks open the dam and leads, yep, to rehumanization--and love, the most human driving force there is.

And that changes everything, for everyone. Not just internally, as with a character's personal development arc (i.e., Hans learning why his duties, which he resented and viewed as an impingement on his freedom when dictated to him by authority, are incredibly important for real people who experience pain) but externally as well (as @feelinungry so elegantly points out in the original post).

Over and over, at every stage of the story, it's the rehumanization of and by these decision-makers (at a family level, at a community level, at a regional level, at a national level) that cracks the feudal cycle, even if in very small ways. Hans really brings this back home in a petri dish in late game, after the siege, when he complains to Henry about the noble's code (letting Istvan go) potentially leading to pain and disaster for the common people Istvan's machinations are likely to harm in the future. He chafes--and we chafe, and so does Radzig, and so does Divish--against feudal stratification because he has learned a general empathy through loving an individual, and that has in turn reshaped the way he sees the world.

And that's exactly why and when feudalism begins to fail, and why it thrashed itself the way it did, from the enforcement of sexual mores (though this wasn't exactly like it is in movies) and gender law to terror upon its own populations.

And it's the crucial understanding I think we begin to forget after being exposed to so much Hollywoodification of history, where the oppression always exists for cruelty's sake alone rather than in active and deliberate service to a political construct.

And I think it's why we've "lost the plot" so horribly when it comes to understanding that people in history were still people, not monolithic one-mind entities (as the feudal system demanded they be). And why we somehow forgot that such people fall in love, in all kinds of love, in a way that has never given a damn about authority. And that this in turn undermines supposedly supreme authority, even divine authority, and will always continue to do so, as long as people are people.

This is what it always comes back to. Always. From Henry's parents and their mysterious bond with Radzig informing the protagonist's journey from "the past"--to Henry & Hans falling into stupidly fierce soulmatehood with each other in the present--from Istvan & Erik's destructive fuck-the-world romantic love on the "enemy" side--to Divish's humbling, humanizing realization that he loves Stephanie in some way, he really does, despite the chasm of age/gender enforced upon them by their adherence to feudal order that doomed their romantic love to failure.

People will always love each other, even when the world orders them not to, even when faced with death and worse. People will always, given proximity and shared experiences, learn to see each other as human again. KCD reminds us of that. It's why the "slow" storyline exists and why it works.

And that is why this game is so fucking fantastic, and why the genpop fandom has utterly failed it.

#kingdom come deliverance #kcd #kcd2 #henry of skalitz #hans capon #radzig kobyla #divish of talmberg #stephanie of talmberg #redmeta

[girl4music]

So Frozen 2. The first movie is about self-acceptance. This movie is about self-discovery. Elsa feels that while everything is going good for her at the moment in her Kingdom of Arendelle that she’s not where she belongs - not who or where she’s meant to be. Elsa accidentally awakens the four spirits (Air, Fire, Water and Earth) of the enchanted forest when she hears a voice calling to her and she listens to it. Anyway, they get called out to the enchanted forest by Gale (spirit of Air) to put things right in the past between their Kingdom and the indigenous tribe of Northuldra and Elsa learns her true nature. We eventually find out that she’s hearing the voice because she is the fifth spirit and the voice that’s calling her is her from the future.

The truth was calling out to her because longtime lies from their past needed to be uncovered. Longtime lies that have segregated an entire community of people that were meant to be together. They were meant for their lives to be intertwined as Anna and Elsa’s mother was Northuldran and their father was Arendellian.

So it’s all about finding the right “path” or “way” which is always a compelling story to tell in fiction. And of course, it’s not just Elsa that discovers who she truly is and what she’s meant to be doing with her life. Anna becomes Queen of Arendelle and marries Kristoff while Elsa remains in the enchanted forest with the other spirits as the bridge between the magic of nature and humanity as well as a protector of it.

And it’s just as emotionally powerful as the first movie if not more for the reason that - once again - these are dark concepts to be exploring in a children’s franchise but ultimately they relate to and resonate with many diverse audiences who struggle with understanding who they are and their purpose in life just like them.

I always say that it’s worth it to go a little bit darker as long as you know how to use nuance and metaphor to tell a story in a number of different ways so that it can be accessible and beneficial for all ages and genders.

#frozen #frozen 2 #elsa #idina menzel #fifth spirit #bridge between the magic of nature and humanity #self-discovery #true nature #purpose #there’s part of me that longs to go into the unknown #learn the truth #show yourself #step into your power #character representation #character development #a continuation of a story of self-understanding

[pansyfemme]

i mean. if people are uncomfortable with main characters cheating in fiction i do need to clarify that the ocs i draw all the time. do cheat on eachother. that is a main part of their storyline. so you do you but just know that is something that goes on

#also lots of semi-manipulative public mental health episodes #they do get help and work things out and re-establish bounderies #and a lot of the cheating is closer described as non properly established polyamory guidlines but over time they do find ways to deal with #things and their relationship is strengthened but it is messy to begin with #but i find kidd and noam’s story very based on self improvment for people with pre-established severe mental health conditions #where it is very much working around a lot of obstacles and finding ways to better yourself while knowing you have caused harm in the past #even if unintentionally or through a period of deluision #kidd and noam are important to me because they both have very different mental health issues and are activly flawed because of them #but still have to find ways to redefine their relationship to eachother while understanding that doing so means undergoing major changes in #their lives and their behaviors because neither can continue forward without seeking serious help

[evil-lan-zhan]

Every time I now think about Gongyi Xiao, I think about tarnished gold. That fic has rewired my brain

#I can't believe its over #it was so good #svsss #i could read a hundred more chapters of it #but im happy with the way it ended #and understand a good story can't continue forever #i need to reread it #scum villian self saving system

[weregonnabecoolbeans]

Twilight (2008) is a genuinely good movie and I can’t wait till the day when everyone finally agrees

#Catherine Hardwicke knew exactly what she was doing and she couldn't've done a better job #the casting #the music #the vibes #it was all perfect and i will die on this hill #the problem with the twilight saga is that because of the franchise’s popularity #they progressively tried to treat the story as if it was perfectly normal #like any other mainstream franchise #the thing is its an absurd story and should’ve been treated as such #that first Twilight movie is the only one that is self aware and that understands its genre #and that is why it remains superior #twilight #twilight (2008) #catherine hardwicke #the twilight saga #kristen stewart #robert pattinson #bella swan #edward cullen #the other movies failed the second they chose not to continue The Blue Tint™ #kate's post

[dykedvonte]

If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.

#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors #infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like #he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in #black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression #but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience #plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns #Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me #like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions #he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self #righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand #saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault #but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up #I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me #you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his #head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead #to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home #like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol #also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate #when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man #it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through #these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted #fallout #fallout new vegas #Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant #I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished #ulysses fnv #fnv ulysses #lonesome road

[kaseyskat]

being both a sparrow apologist and a normal enthusiast is so difficult sometimes I am sitting here imagining them bonding and crying over canon and so few people truly understand me

#kasey rambles #dndads #no you guys dont understand. sparrow is a good parent! to me!!! #which is highly ironic because i was FURIOUS at him on my first listen #BUT. theres a post that puts this into words somewhere. about how judging sparrow for saying something #when he was in a state of complete vulnerability #FEELS like thoughtshaming a bit. because like #i think sparrow has this mentality of. i dont have to be proud of someone to love them. and i will love them so hard in spite #because he gets too in his head and he worries and he doesnt want normal to be like him #and he feels like this about henry and lark too- hes not proud of them. in fact theyve both actively mistreated him. but he loves them #and that's enough #its like. we're not sitting here bashing on grant for the REALLY shitty way he inflicts his own self loathing onto link #because we know grant only says this when hes vaguely sauced #but sparrow gets SO much heat for saying hes not proud of normal when he was both drunk AND sauced simultaneously #and maybe like. if there were signs that sparrows let this mentality ruin their relationship in the past? #but theres not. the reason it hurts normal so much is because it was UNEXPECTED. #it made him doubt his own memories and his history but. as far as we know. its only doubts. sparrow loves normal so much #and sparrows always been the first one sitting there apologizing (which is another story: we love seeing him continue the oak cycle) #and loving. and accepting normals anger. #god this was such a rant im sorry for anyone actually reading my tags shdjfkdkkfvk #i just have such strong feelings about how like. in comparison? sparrow is NOT as bad of a parent as yall think he is #and i think the only reason we think otherwise is because we only see him through normal #if we got his own pov? youd forgive him just like we forgive henry #also i would kill for sparrow choosing normal over lark i feel like thats a decision hes gonna have to make pretty soon

[imminent-danger-came]

On god just found the worst review of Lego Monkie Kid season 2. And I quote, “There are things from season one that are established for sure and referenced and capitalized on—but I feel like there’s just a little bit too much of that going on if that makes sense. I couldn’t help but feel like this was kind of a continuation to season one as opposed to its own storyline and it’s own season.”

Girl???? You mean it has an overarching plot????????????????

#'Season 2 felt like a continuation of season 1' I SURE HOPE SO #I'm screaming and beating my head against a wall #THIS IS JUST LIKE PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT S4 OF TDP AND NOT UNDERSTANDING SET UP. BUT LIKE WORSE SOMEHOW #Like. Please do you know what goes into a good story. What's required for that. #imp tag #lmk #lego monkie kid #This feels just kinda like...this is why toh is so popular #Typically that show does whatever is a 'fun feel good' idea rather than following through with ANYTHING they've set up or introduced #If you don't care about plot structure then of COURSE you just want whatever is going to be the most ''angsty'' or ''cute'' #continuity be damned #character arcs be damned #plot be damned #like could you imagine if MK being a Monkie came from no where #That would suck ass #Instead it was hinted at during the first 3 seasons and plays BEAUTIFULLY into his arc of self-reflection and identity #Like MK has functioned as a mirror for so many things and so many characters #Having an ink version of himself function as a mirror for HIM IS JUST SO. IT'S SO GOOD. LIKE I'M GOING TO THROW MY HEAD THROUGH A WINDOW. #toh critical #I guess since I complained in the tags

[icewindandboringhorror]

I think the hardest thing in writing for me sometimes is the like “show don’t tell/let people communicate through subtext/Normal People don’t just walk around openly explaining their motivations for everything That’s Unnatural” thing because like.. I literally DO walk around openly explaining my motivations for everything, that is how I talk, I am an analytical detail oriented over-communicator who explains everything as thoroughly as possible and and will give a fully detailed 2 minute long answer to something simple like “how are you doing today?” .. like it’s hard to make things sound Natural and Normal when you yourself are inherently unnatural and abnormal in your methods of communication to an extent lol

#''hey. whats up? you look kind of sad.. is something wrong?'' normal answer (apparently how people are supposed to talk): *looks away #remosefully and stares into the distance* ''n-no.. I'm fine. don't worry about it.'' abnormal answer (how I would respond): ''Yeah I #'m mostly fine. I was just thinking about what the future is going to be like 30 years from now and if I'll ever actually accomplish anythin #g that I want to. which makes me feel X way for XYZ reason. you see because I had a dream last night that made me think of *continues to exp #lain my exact emotional state and inner thought process completely matter of factly in exact detail for 5 more minutes* #tfw you would be a badly written character if you existed in a story lol #This is also why I struggle making conflict because most conflicts can be resolved through conversation and I personally love to have long #detailed conversations about everything. Like literally I don't have hardly any conflicts interpersonally because if something happens it's #immediately followed up with like ''hey sorry if my tone of voice sounded a bit pointed or harsh. when you were talking to me I was trying #to balance all the stuff I was taking up the stairs and also my leg hurts so I think all my mental energy was being used there and I just #didn't feel like talking. I should have just said 'wait a minute and we can discuss it inside' instead of trying to end the conversation qui #ckly in a short rude way.' ''oh yeah thats fine. I thought it was something like that. sorry for hounding you about the topic as well. i #havent eaten in a while so I think I'm just a bit prickly at the moment. we should both rest for a while and destress from the store #trip and then talk about it later. maybe after lunch?' 'sure. sounds good.' like LITERALLY. lol #it is so hard for me to write characters who are bad communicators or don't understand their own internal states or arent constantly #analyzing their own actions to understand what they do/don't feel and why and what the cause of it is and etc. etc. etc. #I just naturally want everyone to perfectly undertsand everything and communicate amazingly and have complete self awareness and #logical presence of mind gjhbj.. which like.. of course comes across as unnatyural and also those type of people rarely ever get involved in #conflict and conflict is APPARENTLY what drives stories (even though I don't like most conflicts and just want to resolve them lol) so ...aa #I mean you can get around this to some degree by the fact that (at least in my opinion) no rule for dialogue is 100%. dialogue is good if it #sounds naturally like it comes from the character who said it. It can be meandering and pointless and rambly IF that matches the character. #it can be dry and overly self aware IF your character is that way and it suits them. So like throwing in a few detached scholar types or lik #e '5000 year old cave dwelling hermit' type people is good for me and works BUT the thing is an ENTIRE cast of characters can't be that way. #at some point - even in a setting where everyone is reserved and academic (like a research camp in the wilderness full of scholars and stuff #) still SOMEBODY has to be the one who's conflict prone and doesn't pristinely understand all of their emotions and etc. etc. Because statis #tically that is still literally the majority. Kind of like my tendency to make everyone 100% aromantic and asexul when it's like.. YES.. may #be 2 or 3 or even 4 out of 10 of them could be that way. but like.. an entire group? a diverse group of 10 people from all walks of life and #EVERY single one is like that??? hgjh . you have to add realistic variety #As much as I'm pro 'have more stories where sex or romance are literally NOT involved at all in any capacity since it's already oversaturate #d in media' I'm also dedicated to realism. alas. (at least as realistic as you can get in a fantasy setting lol)

[mymadmedleyw]

What The Past Holds (135321 words) by AllisonNoir Chapters: 19/21 Fandom: Danny Phantom Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Dan Phantom, Jazz Fenton, Danny Fenton, Vlad Masters, Clockwork (Danny Phantom) Additional Tags: Post-Episode: s02e08-09 The Ultimate Enemy, Ghost Biology (Danny Phantom), Ghost Cores (Danny Phantom), Time Travel, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, POV Multiple, Dan Phantom Redemption, Episode: s02e08-09 The Ultimate Enemy, There Is A Reason Why Dan is 'Dan', TUE!Vlad, Rewritten Time, Ghost Hybrids, Heart AU, Panic Attacks Series: Part 1 of What The Past Holds Summary:

“I don’t come here for trouble,” Dan explained, and as he calculated, that was the main thing that she had to be aware of for their own good. “Jazz, I…” why the words were so heavy to say aloud? He took a deep breath and spilled it.“ I came here for help.” Yeah, in this way, it would be better, he realized. First, getting Jazz, and by winning over Jazz’s trust getting to his younger version: Danny.

Not much after escaping from the Thermos that imprisoned him, he faces a situation that he can't solve on his own. Things soon are starting to get complicated as he, in the meantime, has to deal with something that he thought he had lost a long time ago.

NOTE (2022 May): I've begun to edit the chapters (here and there it is seriously needed), when I'll be done with one, I'll note it with 'edited' and write it here, thanks for understanding :)

Edited chapters so far: Chp1-8, rest is on the way... (2022 August)

#danny phantom #dan phantom #dark danny #tue #the ultimate enemy #wtph #hey bit of self-share because I need a vast motivation to work further on the editing #and sharing the process I reached so far is a strict sign that I should continue it #because everyone will know I'm at a point so then I should keep going with it to finish it in the near future #the first eight chapters are edited (from chp1 to chp8) since I've written them back then #you can read further if you want but I'll warn you the flow of the sentences might be rough #I'm working on editing all of them slowly - thanks for understanding #also a reminder soon on FF this story will cease to exist so I recommend ao3 #and note: 'Bits Of The Past' contains 'deleted' and additional scenes for this story #I haven't had the opportunity yet so far to edit them but soon it will happen too #also I modified the tags I think those now make more sense #(editing chp9 will be finished very soon... I mean as today)

[latinokaeya-moving]

after all of this tho i still think diluc sucks lol he still irritates me bc it’s clear the game wants you to sympathise and admire him sooooo bad and they lay it on soooo thick when i’m just like :/ no. lmao.

#x #gi posting #i don’t like the way this game consistently shoves down ur throat how ur Supposed to feel abt characters or whatever it’s so annoying #they use paimon as a mouth piece everytime and i’m just like ? no thanks #like they do it consistently w eulas whole story. like narratively the traveller DOES feel sorry and sympathetic towards eula when it’s like #but what if i don’t lol. #i get dilucs deal now though i had been ruminating on his like. motivations/goals for a while now and they make more sense now #his whole thing is to do with self righteousness and believing himself to be the only one able to enact justice into the world #so he neglects or at least has put to the side all other personal issues bc he believes only his vision/delivery judgement takes precedent #and that. is incredibly annoying in terms of his relationships w others #like what’s worse than a self righteous white man lmao. come on #(me being at my most unforgiving and bitter bc i’m a hater at my core£ #also random thought but i think it sets up an interesting parallel between diluc - choosing to continue to sort of. enact his fathers legacy #perhaps at the expense of himself and his relationship w others? (in the sense that they do not take precedent !) #vs kaeya - choosing to… ignore(? lol) his fathers legacy/wishes bc of all the ties he has to mondstadt now #and how He actively maintains those familial and friendly relationships bc they’re what matters to him #and how that translates into kaeya more obviously / desperately hinting towards wanting an active/true reconciliation w diluc while diluc is #more like… willing 2 accept what they have as of now. at least until his job of playing judge jury and executioner on all threats to mond #or whatever is finally done (which it never will be lol) #anyways a lot of assumptions and leaps of understanding r made here but it clicks fairly well in my head so i’ll accept it for now #i’ll admit they were on more neutral terms than i thought. tbf not my fault consenting all the interactions #we’d had until this moment were either tense or actively antagonistic lmao #so yeah. sure they care for each other n want to reconcile 2 a certain extent #still only one person rlly putting in most of the work tho

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

grips head. shunazu. nazuna's character.

#its gonna be a whole essay in the tags again. cracks knuckles here we go boys #rambles #not me being nazunaP for a wholeass year already and only starting to understand nazuna's issues and complexity #it is really very incredibly hard to look beneath the extremely cute and reliable niichan persona he puts up #reading about his ex-valk things again is just. woah... nazuna has so many issues #his poor self-esteem in the past that shu's fawning boosted #his social awkwardness that was prob a result of that and which prob also impeded him dojng stuff that would boost his self esteem #i love that hes so bad at socialising. like yes hes everyone's niichan but also have you seen him talk to ex-valk #hes so bad at it. hes so rude. #also i need to reread his !! stories bc. he kind of feels like a diff char now tbh #what happened to him in uni for this to happen #1. his hatred of eichi 2. his manner of speech changing #num 2 is weird bc it makes sense but also its so sudden #it feels like he suddenly jumped to the end of his char arc abt his struggles w being cute and being taken seriously at the same time #in the past he was so eager to be taken seriously that he became cuter and also had a complex abt it #now hes just very comfortable in his own skin and with being cute. and that quiet confidence makes it a lot easier to take him seriously #the char arc that is still continuing is his disconnect w rabits - in the past it was very self-imposed #whr he would call rabits THEIR unit that hes temporarily in #now its that he IS part of rabits but hes unable to keep up w whats happening w the rest bc theyre in high sch and hes in uni #the inevitable drifting apart of close friends when you enter new stages in life. despite wanting to stay close as ever. #i think its a cool struggle and narrative but like? thats not the ! era narrative is it #which seems strange to me bc ritsu izumi and leo all have narratives that flow very very smoothly from ! to !! #its like nazuna had some epiphany off screen that just completely changed how he viewed the world and himself #idk how to feel abt that bc i love both niichans but theyre like. idk they dont feel like the same chars

[threewaysdivided]

Have you ever abandoned a fanfic? Just curious. I havent started one because i know that i WILL abandon it and feel shitty about it.

Hey nonnie,

Sounds like you’re in a bit of a bind right now 😔

To answer your question: no, there hasn’t been a point where I’ve personally discontinued a posted fic. 

I think I might be a little bit like you in that regard.  I’ve had quite a few potential story or scene ideas over the years, but either I didn’t feel like those stories headed towards a satisfying end-point or I just didn’t feel like committing to the work of fitting those scenes into something that would be interesting (or even understandable) for another person.   When I start a large creative project I like to have an idea of what the end-product will be, or at least some specific creative goals to aim for.  I need to feel as though I have a good chance of seeing a project through before I commit.

That being said (if it’s okay) I’d like to talk to the sentiment you expressed: that there’s something you’re not starting because in your mind giving up is inevitable and you’ll feel bad when (not if) that happens. 

To me, it kind of sounds like you’re already feeling shitty about it?  Like, you haven’t done anything yet but you’re already anticipating the worst possible outcome and emotionally punishing yourself for it. 

If that’s the case, then why not just try it anyway?  The time will pass regardless.  And what’s the worst that could happen?  You start writing a story, you post a few chapters, and then maybe you feel like the story isn’t going the way you wanted, or you get frustrated by a creative roadblock, or you find yourself losing interest, or maybe it’s just that other things come up that you’d rather spend your time on… and so your story becomes one of the literally thousands of discontinued fics that exist.  Maybe a few invested readers are disappointed for a while, maybe it slips quietly into being forgotten…  or maybe the part that you did post inspires someone else, or another fanwriter adopts and continues it, or you yourself find inspiration again and come back to it somewhere down the line.

It's worth pointing out that the vast majority of fanfics are either currently-unfinished works-in-progress or in some state of hiatus/ discontinuation/ being abandoned.  Many of the fics that inspired me are either discontinued, have sequels that were discontinued or were written by fan-authors who had previously discontinued other projects.  In fact, several of my favourite published original series are in some state of cancellation, indefinite hiatus or have endings/continuations that myself and others prefer to ignore, but that doesn’t make the revisit experience any less enjoyable.

a good plot was one which made good scenes. The ideal mystery was one you would read if the end was missing. - Raymond Chandler in the introduction to Trouble is My Business, 1950

Still, that doesn’t really change the fact that it can feel really shitty to pull the plug on a creative project.   Even if you never showed anyone, it’s okay to feel disappointed or frustrated at yourself for not reaching a personal goal.  That’s a perfectly normal reaction, so long as you don’t let it spiral into self-punishment or something self-destructive.  It can be easy to fall into a state of analysis paralysis or procrastination, where the fear of “failing” or choosing the “wrong option” means you just don’t start, or you keep stalling because you expect to feel guilty at the end for not finishing sooner (something which I’m definitely prone to doing).  There’s also the risk of falling off the other end into sunk-cost fallacy or trying to overcommit your time, leading to things like sleep-procrastination and burnout.

Some of that might come down to broader personal challenges like overcoming perfectionism, depression, self-criticism or negative self-talk, learning how to be more gentle and reasonable about personal goal-setting/ expectation-management, and finding ways to celebrate the progress/ achievements you did make, even if you didn’t achieve everything.  If these are things you struggle with, then it might help to talk to someone about it or even seek therapy if you’re able to (I am currently doing both of those things and it genuinely helps).

You might also like to check out my writer self-care and digital self-care tags, where I’ve been squirreling away helpful advice from other users.

In the meantime, here are some practical ideas that might help your story to cross the finish-line:

#1: Keep the scope small You don’t have to jump into a big multi-chapter ensemble fic as your first project.  If you’re worried about sustaining creative energy (or even just having limited time) then maybe single-scene or one/two-shot stories would be a better place to start.  Pick a project which you feel confident that you can finish, and which lets you see and enjoy a tangible result quickly.  Consider using AO3’s series feature to assemble short stories into a bigger narrative that you can build piece-by-piece.  Set your bar low, start small and work your way up as you develop your creative workflow and stamina.

#2: Outlining might help you I don’t know where you fall on the planner-to-pantser scale of writing styles, but having a roadmap for where and how far the story is going can give you a goal to keep focussed on.  I’ve previously written a post series with some tips for outlining stories: [Part One] [Part Two].

#3. Know what you want from your story I talk about this in Part One of the Outlining Series, but understanding what motivates you to start or keep writing can help you to understand where the creative drive for a project comes from.  Maybe you’re writing purely for yourself, maybe it’s to share with a community, maybe it’s in response to another story or maybe it’s because you just want this to be a thing that exists. 

For example, my long-fic Deathly Weapons started because I couldn’t find a story like it in the archives, and now I keep writing it because I want to see whether I can pull those things off for an audience who don’t have my behind-the-scenes notes.  Meanwhile, there are a lot of other potential ideas that I haven’t written down because those are just for me – I get what I need from them just being in my head and I don’t feel a need to codify a “canon version” or do all the drudge-work of making those ideas accessible for someone else.

#4. Find a cheerleader Sometimes it’s good to have writing buddies who are also interested in your story and can help to sustain enthusiasm, inspiration and excitement for your project.  Whether that’s finding a beta-reader, joining/starting a discord server, reaching out to commenters on early chapters, roping in IRL fandom friends or finding community in other places.

#5. Your first attempt won’t be your best and that’s okay I do a lot of cooking and a common rule there is “the first pancake always comes out wonky”.  You need to get a feel for what you’re working with before things start to flow.  Similarly, the first draft almost always feels rough… because it’s purpose is to be a rough draft.  Don’t be dispirited if it’s not immediately perfect, or as good as what you pictured in your head.  Each time you iterate/edit you have a chance to identify something you’d like to do differently and experiment with moving it closer to the effect you want.

#6. Set milestones and consider an exit strategy If you feel like there is a possibility that you might (or might need to) pull the plug on a larger project before the end, then it might ease your mind to have a plan for how and where you would want to draw things to a close. 

This is something I have for Deathly Weapons. It’s a very long story that I planned at an age when I had more time and energy to spare, crossing two fandoms (of which one is getting pretty old and the other died of sudden-onset seasonal rot) and something I’ve been aware of for several years now is that one day I might need to call it quits, whether due to lack of time, inspiration-loss or for mental health reasons there have been times where this fic (and especially the attached fandom-rot) has been legitimately not good for my headspace.  I’d like to finish DW and I don’t like the idea of leaving either the characters or my readers without closure, but I also recognise that it simply might not be possible.  My compromise is that if that day comes I’m going to polish up all my story-notes and make them available so that the full narrative at least exists in some form.  In the short term I want to make it to the end of the Mission 2: Flashpoints-Equilibrium set.  Once I get there I’ll take stock and see if I feel like the Mission 3: Something Wicked set is still on the cards, and so on and so forth.

#7. Remember that fanfic is a hobby You can certainly learn valuable things and meet wonderful people through writing, but ultimately this is something you do for fun, because you find it inherently rewarding or compelling.  It’s a knitting club.  Sure it might feel a little bit worse to close down a project that other people are invested in but, just like with any other hobby, it’s perfectly fine to take a break or move on if it’s not something you enjoy anymore, if it’s effecting you in a way you don’t like, or if you don’t like the particular group of people you’re currently doing it with.  It’s your free-time to use, and it’s fine to weigh options and decide that it would be more fulfilling or better for your health to pursue something else.

Above all else, remember that it’s okay to “fail” 

I feel like this is something we don’t talk about enough as a collective (and it’s definitely something I wish I had been told more).  Sometimes you try things and it doesn’t work out.  Sometimes you screw up.  Sometimes you give up.  That’s alright.  It doesn’t change your worth as a person.  Put it down to experience: it still teaches you things.  And you can always try again.

Be kind to yourself, okay? 💚

#Anonymous #3WD answers #Writing advice #Creator self-care #Writer self-care #Abandoning fanfics #Advice from a recovering perfectionist #It sounds a bit like you’re already punishing yourself nonnie #I feel like maybe you’re falling into a similar trap to one that gets me: self-selecting out of something that might be good #If you feel like there’s a chance that it won’t work out then it can be tempting to preemptively opt out #because at least then you feel like you had control over the outcome #You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take #(but sometimes it’s tempting to tell yourself that you only missed because you chose not to shoot) #Perfection can be the enemy of progress #I also understand the idea of feeling guilty for the thing you’re making if you leave it unfinished #I have a half-done painting of a bird that’s been on the backburner for a few years now and sometimes I feel bad for the bird #There have been several times where I’ve felt like continuing Deathly Weapons was just sunk-cost fallacy #and that maybe I should abandon it #(especially recently with the burnout + bad canon + current less-fun bridging chapters) #but ultimately this story is something that I want to exist #so I just keep swimming

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

#aromantic #aro #aro positivity #reference to aphobia