#afab genderqueer culture

[genderqueerblog]

Afab genderqueer culture is randomly remembering you have boobs

🌈

#afab genderqueer culture #genderqueer culture #genderqueer #afab genderqueer #IT WON’T LET ME PUT A SPACE FOR THE ANSWER ANYMORE :(

[lgbtqiamuslimpedia]

Boyah

Boyah (plural: Boyat) was subcultural identity of AFAB non-binary,tomboy,demi girl & trans-masculine folks of Persian Gulf. Boyat are asigned female at birth,but express gender atypical behaviour. The origin of this queer subculture is unclear, some boyat claimed that it was started through online forums & groups. [citation needed]

Boyah subculture was more visible in Gulf states (including Kuwait,Oman,Saudi Arabia,UAE,Bahrain). Boyah identity may fall under the modern Transgender and Non-binary umbrella. However some people may considered them as people of forth gender.

Sexuality

Boyat folk's sexuality can be confusing in various cultural contexts. Most of the Boyat had intimate and romantic relationships with cis-girls in their past life, but they do not consider themselves as homosexual.

The term Boyah itself does not mean lesbian in arabic.In later life many Boyat had to pursue a heterosexual marriage & had children.Because marriage is a obligatory in local arabic customs.In addition to this, some boyah were androsexual & interested in boys only.

Culture & Lifestyle

Trans-masculine/tomboys/AFAB non-binary/AFAB genderpunk took the “Boyah” cultural identity in their early adolescence. On the otherhand, some boyat took the male role to challenge societal gender norms and stereotypes in Arabic Gulf States.

In general, a boyah is characterized by no make-up, no feminine expressions, no feminine name,feminine pronouns.In boyah subculture, Boyat community may use a massive masculine watches.Boyat people worn loose-fitting male cloth with a touch of the military, vibrantly coloured dresses,shirts and boyah jeans(which are baggy with big prints all over them). Since the age of internet Arab's boyat community started informal groups,online forums.

Most of the boyat have to lead double lives because gulf states has strict cultural gender roles especially for womxn.Many of them are forced to get married.In general Boyah phenomena is considered a disgrace to an arab family's honour.Additionally atypical gender expression is seems to be indecent and deviant in GCC states.Many boyat face stigma for not adhering with rigid patriarchal gender roles.

After leaving home, many undergo a radical transformation,changing their clothes at school/college or a friend's house.While in transition ,they run no real risk of being caught because,while in public, Emirates women are required to wear the national dress - a long black over-garment called an abaya, which makes it easier to switch roles without drawing attention.

Media

In general, Gulf media portrays queerness in negetive ways. A Boyah named Abeer appeared on the Saudi TV Show “Ya Hala” where he/ze said that he/ze was attracted to women while still at school. He/Ze had a complete love relationship with a classmate for a long time. Another person named Hamood joined a show of Radio Sawa where he/ze explained ze was rebelling against social (gender) norms and his/zee family’s restrictions through this boyah phenomena.

On a national television of UAE, a boyah named Bandar openly spoke about his queer relationship with another girl and expressed the desire to marry her and have children with her through IVF. His statement on Abu Dhabi's national television shocked the whole nation.

Decline of Boyah Culture

In the Persian Gulf region, boyah identity became very controversial since 2007. In 2007, the Kuwaiti parliament amended Article 198 of the country’s penal code so that anyone “imitating the opposite sex in any way” could face up to a year in jail and/or a fine of 1,000 dinars ($3,500). A further problem was that the law made no attempt to define “imitating the opposite sex” So it was basically left to the discretion of the police. Within a couple of weeks at least 14 people had been arrested in Kuwait City & thrown into prison. Boyat made their debut as a public concern in 2008 when Dubai police denounced cross-dressing - its chief, Dahi Khalfan Tamim, called on the Ministry of Social Affairs to find out how widespread the practice is and what causes it.

In 2009, Dubai launched a public campaign under the slogan "Excuse Me, I am a Girl", which cautioned against “masculine” behaviour among AFAB queers & tomboys and aimed to steer them towards "femininity". The impetus for this was a moral panic which swept through several Gulf states at that time, regarding the Boyah phenomena. 2 months after announcing the campaign the police persecuted 40 people (for their gender atypical expression), imprisoned them for 3 years in jail.In addition, trans-masculine/trans males,trans women,gender-queers were also shamed & abused by the UAE's police team.

Public Attitudes

Many conservative patriarchal arab people see a greater danger in the Boyah subcultural practices; they fear it can become permanent and cause great distress for the women and their families.

Psychiatrist Yousef Abou Allaban says, "It can go extreme, where they change their sex and have an operation.'' Saudi journalist Yousef Al-Qafari said in an interview on Radio Sawa that family disintegration and lack of true love have led women to act like a man. Al-Qafari said education was the best way to tackle this phenomenon.He called on the Ministry of Education to take up this role.

Social worker Nadia Naseer said, “Families play an essential role in such cases. Families should monitor their female members, especially when they start acting like men by cutting their hair short, wearing men’s clothing, or refusing to wear women’s accessories”. She also said, when a girl or woman does this,she is looking for attention & sending a message that she is a boyah.

Saudi writer Randa Alsheikh, in one of her columns, said that she attended a social gathering where she saw a group of females who appeared almost completely like men.“I would not be exaggerating if I say I could not tell the difference between them and men,” she wrote.She said that they looked, talked and walked like men & “even worse” some appeared to be in their 40s. We need to quickly address this phenomenon to contain these girls so that they are able to build good families and a healthy society,”

#Boyah #Booyah #Boyat #arabic #GCC #Persian Gulf #queer #trans masculine #genderqueer #gender variance #AFAB #Middle Eastern #queer culture #cultural gender identity

[aro-culture-is]

Afab aroace culture is identifying as genderqueer because it feels like society has certain views on what it means to be a woman that you can't and don't want to relate to.

anon you may also wanna know that arogender is a thing :)

(i've seen many afab aro(ace) folks ID as arogender due to feeling like their disinterest in romance disconnected them from their assigned gender)

#aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #afab aro culture #aroace culture #genderqueer aro culture

[gnc-culture-is]

cis genderqueer gnc afab culture is not being able to decide whether you're a futch or soft butch but knowing you want to overall confuse people whenever you come across them

Best of luck.

#genderqueer #cis gnc #afab #gnc culture is #mod rob

[juxerism]

Circum queen

A circum queen (or circumgender queen) is an AFAB person who uses clothing, accessories and makeup to imitate and often exaggerate transfeminine gender signifiers for entertainment purposes.

#circum queen #circumgender queen #drag queen #drag #queer culture #queer #lgbt #genderqueer #circumgender #afab trans woman

[genderqueerdykes]

you're allowed to love being trans if you:

just came out

havent transitioned and dont plan to

have known you are trans for years but kept it to yourself

don't want surgery or hormones

dont disclose your trans status or genders to other people

dont change your name

never have dysphoria

your transness is tied to your neurodivergence

your transness is tied to your nonhuman identity

dont feel like you have a gender or gendered experience

feel like gender isn't really that important

are intersex

are two-spirit, hijra, or have another cultural gender or expression identity, or "third gender"

are a person of color

are an afab demigirl

are an amab demiboy

have a complex identity

have a very simple identity

cant figure out your gender for the life of you

cross dress

do drag

present socially in ways that are "normal" for your agab

have crushing dysphoria

don't know how to pass

pass effortlessly

are a butch trans woman

are a femme trans man

are demigender

don't like to be reminded you're trans

have a very specific gender

have a gender that's specific to you and you alone

have hated being trans at one point

stopped transition and restarted it at some point

have had to change your gender, name, pronouns or presentation multiple times

change presentation a lot

have a gender that's hard or impossible to put into words

dont want to figure out what your gender is exactly

are plural/a system

are genderfluid, gnc, genderqueer, multigender, polygender, genderflux, neutrois, maverique or genderfuck

are xenogender

are a lesbian or gay

are transneutral

are transfemasc/transmascfem

..... are trans.

every trans person is allowed to love being trans. good day, love yourself today!

#trans #transgender #non binary #nonbinary #lgbtqia #lgbtq #genderqueer #genderfluid #transmasc #transfemme #transfem #transfeminine #mtf #transmasculine #ftm #intersex #trans man #trans woman #agender #multigender #xenogender #polygender #bigender #enby #demigender #demiboy #demigirl #mtf butch #gay #femme gay

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #I would have realized I was trans a lot sooner if media portrayal of women wasn't so... *that* #I have pretty much exclusively picked men during character creation except for a few more indie titles with relatively gender neutral stuff #and even then I usually just put the feminine hair on the male body when it was an option. #I always thought I understood why trans men wanted to be guys. if I'd been afab I would still be trans in the opposite direction. #which is I guess where the whole genderqueer nonbinary genderfluid bigender ????? soup comes into play here #anyway. I went back to make a new character in skyrim and the overly feminine restrictions make me foam at the mouth #I always pick the khajiit mohawk hair and on women it's not an option. which is bullshit. I want an unhinged butch murderer with problems #the maximum body thickness (which is just arm bulk tbh) for the female is equal to the minimum body thickness of the male. #WHICH IS A SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM #literally what do studios lose by giving equal avatar customization to everyone. WHAT DO THEY LOSE #this is the shit that culturally conservative people never even think about. a world that does not allow anyone outside of your concept #and they don't even realize because the idea simply never occurred to them #the idea that a woman would want to look any different. the idea that a man would want the same. #ughhhhhhhh I want to kill and maim and destroy and chew to bits

[genderkoolaid]

i am genuinely confused by something you said in your joan of arc post & i would love if you could clarify. you said "women afab can be trans. men amab can be trans." i understand how that applies to intersex people, who may be assigned a sex they identify with but have other sex characteristics that they get dysphoria from. or theyre assigned as one sex but once puberty hit they developed far more traits of the other sex, so they had to transition back to what they used to be. i understand those scenarios. but as far as we know, joan of arc wasnt intersex & you dont bring up intersex in your post. how can a non-intersex person transition to something they already are & have been for their entire life? changing how one presents, like changing their style of clothes to better suit their gender & personality, doesnt count as "transitioning" imo, cis people do that aaall the time, multiple times throughout their lives. so what do you actually mean by this??

So my definition of trans is very much inspired by Leslie Feinberg's definition of trans(gender): An umbrella term for "everyone who challenges the boundaries of sex and gender," in which ze specifically includes cross-dressing and GNC people who are men AMAB and women AFAB. I would define trans as being inclusive of anyone who queers sex and/or gender.

In my humble nonbinary opinion, we way over-rely on the idea of trans as being about identifying as a gender that isn't your assigned sex. I, for example, was assigned female and identify as (amongst other genders) a woman, but my womanhood is very much trans. For one, I was on T for two years and intend to get bottom surgery, but I was also alienated from typical cis girlhood for my entire life and my womanhood is inherently tied to me also being a man and abinary. My womanhood is not cisnormative at all.

"Woman" and "man" (and male and female) are all constructs. Just because someone may call themself a woman, and have been assigned female at birth, does not mean they identify as the same kind of woman that society expects and demands them to. There are different ways of constructing womanhood. The "gender identity that isn't AGAB" definition was built on the idea of trans people as going from one binary point to the other, with the assumption that "woman" and "man" are still Real Things with one natural meaning. Attempts at being nb-inclusive have basically just said "well nonbinary isn't a gender assigned at birth, so its trans!" which is completely true, but it also ignores all the nonbinary and genderqueer people whose genders are more nuanced than that.

On Jeanne d'Arc specifically, I actually have some relevant quotes on this:

(from Vested Interests: Crossdressing and Cultural Anxiety and Clothing and Gender Definition: Joan of Arc respectively)

This is why I included that line: because we often assume, in our exorsexism, that a historical figure must identify as a man/woman (cis), as the opposite (trans), or maybe as neither, but those are the only options. We are still limiting ourselves and these historical figures' by limiting how we understand gender and genderqueerness. To Jeanne, being a cross-dressing female virgin soldier could be its own gender, something different than the genders of cisnormative mothers and nuns.

& as a note: I feel like, a lot of the time, non-intersex people in the community will make exceptions for intersex people (like "well, intersex people can be transfemmascs/male lesbians/etc" but no one else!!!") which. doesn't actually seem that great for intersex people? Like aside from assuming that these genderqueer experiences can only be had by intersex people, it also means that if you identify that way, you must Prove that you are Allowed to be doing that, by both outing yourself as intersex and arguing that you are intersex Enough.

#m. #ask box #i hope this makes sense my brain still isnt working fully #trans history #transmasc history #theory

[pluralcultureis]

Plural culture is why the fuck are all of the alters some form of gay or genderqueer with an afab body

.

#endos dni #osdd #did #pdid #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative #plural culture is

[valyrfia]

RE: this ask

Sorry about to go off on one, gender studies and online fan culture from an academic standpoint is a special interest of mine because being film and literature student wasn't annoying enough (participatory culture studies my beloved) 

From a general standpoint, I think the reason M/M ships in fiction have always been more popular is because male characters are historically more developed and complex. I think it’s only in recent years have their been an influx of popular F/F ships, with the added development of women on screen (e.g Clarke and Lexa, Kara and Lena, Regina and Emma, Nancy and Robin) - I think there is also a point to be made this has coincided with gender expression, genderqueerness and more general knowledge of being outside the typical gender spectrum. 

I can’t explicitly say that being in M/M fandom spaces encouraged my personal discovery of being transmasc but it certainly helped to have an avenue where I could project onto these “male” characters and see myself in them. I was so uncomfortable in my own body and what I didn’t know at the time as dysphoria, I can see why I didn’t go for F/F ships. 

There are of course a lot of “fandom elders” but young (early to late teens) afab people do make up a large bulk of it and I get why  it may be easier for them to fixate on M/M ships as a, sort of method of exploring their own sexuality and gender expression. F/F ships may hit too close to home and F/M ships are what they are trying to escape from so it leaves M/M ships to project onto. Which, unfortunately then can become warped by the persons own comphet and/or binary ideas about gender. 

A male character may have more stereotypically “feminine” traits (in terms of interests or emotional reactions) and I can see why people who also have those traits would project there own insecurities onto them, reinforcing the feminisation of the male character but not being comfortable enough in your own gender expression to genderbend the character or write them as trans. 

It’s the same reason I think mafia romance, dark romance etc etc is so popular with cishet women because they can read about a fantasy where instead of the very real every day misogyny and violence they face leading to abuse, assault and death, it brings “positives” ; protected, loved, a happy relationship. 

Which, side note. I think this has A Lot to do with y/n, self insert fics becoming “cringe”. Because, I think a lot of people just want to fuck/date a character and feel like they can’t write a self insert anymore, so just project massively onto one character, leading to a lot of these issues. I don’t think Tony Stark/Peter Parker would be as popular as it is if people just let young women write their self insert fic about being Tony Stark’s sugar baby and then we wouldn’t have the wildly mischaracterised version of Peter Parker that we do! 

But, all this being said. I’m talking about fiction. Dean Winchester isn’t actually affected if people online only talk about him in a stereotypically “female” way. 

RPF is a different kettle of fish (and I’m not going in RPF ethics that’s different - I have no issues with rpf creators/consumers to be clear, I am one) because a real person does become affected. Even if you are keeping your fan works and discussions to private spaces, it can leach over into how you speak about the actual person. That’s where it becomes so incredibly important to remember that your RPF version of celebrities are just as fictional as Dean Winchester is. 

sorry I used mr. supernatural as an example, 13 year old me is still alive and kicking in my head somewhere. 

I love to hear your perspective on it with a trans worldview (and academic credentials), and I do agree that that might be a big driver of some young people only wanting to engage with MLM fic and feeling uncomfortable with WLW fic. You've brought up so many great points so I'll try and address them all.

I can add the perspective of a lesbian who was closeted for the first two decades of my life, came out less than five years ago, and still struggles on and off with comphet now. MLM fics in my teens were a way to consume queer content and relationships without having to think about the implications of enjoying consuming WLW content, and I think that's true for a lot of young closeted teens so it's no surprise that some comphet/hetnorm/cisnorm stuff bleeds through there because it's a framework the authors haven't managed to detach themselves from yet.

But yeah, I agree the issue lies with people wanting characters to be self-inserts partially so that they can experience sex, sexuality, and romance without any of the hang ups of thinking about patriarchy. And I agree with your solution: make y/n fics cool again! The ability we have to hallucinate while we read is magic! You can put YOURSELF in as a character's love interest, how cool is that?

Ultimately, yeah. There's nothing wrong with RPF as long as it isn't actually affecting the person that the RPF is based off, but I've seen a lot of takes escaping containment so to say (ie. leaving this website) with takes about the actual racers so obviously picked up through RPF. The main culprits are Charles, Lando, Max in my experience.

#You always send the longest and most thought out asks and I really don't know how to answer them because you're so eloquent #thank you for your POV! #enigmabird #asks #charles in makeup and lace discourse #hate it slightly too late to change it now

[trans-enby-culture-is]

Afab nonbinary/ftm culture is being systematically affected by misogyny daily despite not being a woman, and having your own community discourse over whether or not your internalized misogyny towards yourself just means you hate women and if youre directly affected by misogyny at all instead of actually helping you.

#99

I really understand this. I have made sure to stay away from things like that, and make this blog a safe space for all trans, nonbinary, genderqueer etc... as much as I know how. My recommendation is to stop following those types of people, and support people who understand our struggles. Stay safe!

#trans enby culture #trans #transgender #enby #nonbinary #ftm #transandrophobia #tw transandrophobia

[genderqueerblog]

afab genderqueer culture is wanting to be more masc (facial hair and deeper voice) but not wanting to go on T bc you like the fem parts of your body too

#genderqueer #afab genderqueer #hair growth/loss bottom growth and voice change are all permanent; fat distribution and acne are not. they will revert if u go off T #genderqueer culture #afab genderqueer culture

[queenie-blackthorn]

HI HI HI long ask incoming :,,DD

so i have a transmasc muslim character from Malaysia, and i was wondering what the biggest no-no’s are when it comes to writing their transition? and, also, what is it like being a queer muslim in general?

being a queer and trans asian i understand enough (personal experience lol) but i was raised (unfortunately) in a predominantly catholic country that has a LOT of misinformation abt muslims. which sucks. i vaguely know that removing one’s hijab is a very delicate, sensitive thing to do. but what happens when the person no longer identifies as a woman, and wishes to present masculinely? or heck, even present a bit femininely, but still choose to identify as a man? how would a trans muslim go about presenting the way they want to, in the theoretical situation that they’re in a safe enough environment to do so?

hii <333 i want to clarify beforehand that this is a VERY sensitive issue, esp among muslims. cause us as muslims have faced enough misrepresentation as is, and some (i promise not me) may consider it insulting and misrepresentative for a queer muslim to exist (as if they dont already). just, be wary when approaching this subject

now, the issue here is that trans muslims are an EXTREME minority, and i mean extreme. not many people transition and still call themselves muslim. they either renounce islam, or hide their identities for the sake of safety. islam resembles christianity in a way—queerness is a big no-no. HOWEVER, in islam its not haram to BE these things, its haram to act like it (specifically, acting like the opposite gender. dressing like them, who you get married to, etc)

you have to be v delicate, since most ppl would not accept a trans muslim character (i say most bc there are ppl who wouldnt mind, but society as a whole generally would in fact mind)

you almost never see women decide to take off their hijab bc they dont identify as a woman. removing the hijab is taboo enough in muslim culture, but doing that due to not identifying as a woman anymore? BIG no-no

if, theoretically, theyre in an environment safe enough to do so, they still may find ppl unfriending them bc of it, or tryna convince them not to do so for their own safety

HOWEVER, i do have genderqueer friends irl who are still muslim, all of them afab. im gonna use two of them as an example (keep in mind we do live in a transphobic/homophobic society)

the first one (genderfluid but goes w any pronouns) was a hijabi before they stopped identifying as a woman, and they still wear a hijab. however, they do wear chest binders and more masculine style of clothing (e.g. no skirts). they still cover their awrah (the part of a muslim that should be covered. for men its from the navel to below the knees, for women its everywhere except the face and hands), but theyve become a lil more careless w the hijab (like wearing it looser)

the second one (he/they) isnt a hijabi, and they still have long hair. however, he also wears a chest binder, but still likes makeup and things like that. ik less abt this one cause we arent as close as me n the first friend, but thats what ik

and i also mentioned the awrah. keep in mind that men have a hijab too, just a different kind. "hijab" just means covering, n both genders have to cover personal parts. so your character may stop wearing a headscarf, but they still have to wear longer shorts n grow out a beard (and yes, growing out your beard is a must for men in islam. according to most scholars anyway, since the prophet pbuh did it)

if your character was previously a hijabi, you might make him more careless w the hijab (showing more n more hair until he eventually renounces it completely) n start wearing more t-shirts w jeans and things like that (search up "grunge hijab" n youll see what i mean)

it IS better to make a trans non-muslim in a muslim society, considering a lotttttt of muslims might find it offensive if theres a trans muslim, but obv i have no say in your character and in the end its entirely your choice <33 just be aware that its kinda like stepping on broken glass here

#hope this helps <3 #writer things #writing muslims #writing tips #queer muslim #trans muslim

[olderthannetfic]

This might be a somewhat controversial opinion/rant, but as a black queer woman (i really id myself as being more genderqueer, but since i'm afab there are just things about womanhood growing up that has just stuck with me as formative experiences.), I find it really difficult to build community with queer men, even in fandom. I've tried to have friendships with transmen, but so many just feel the need to ramp up misogyny to 1000 to validate themselves as men, and then with gay men, some will say the most out-of-pocket, misogynistic things but because they're not attracted to women, it's somehow okay, I guess. But lately, there's been this trend among queer men of saying and doing misogynistic things but justifying it by stating they're talking about white, cishet women. But the thing is, there's nothing in what they said that can be specifically applied to only white women. It's a target to all women (I refuse to play the oppression olympics of who has it worse). And now I see other queer women in fandom saying the same things to each other. I typically stay in anime/manga and danmei fanbases because that's where a lot of my interests are now, and I don't have to deal with USAian nonsense as much. But now that 7 Seas has unfortunately decided to translate more danmei into English that's changed. A queer male fan of a popular series has been unfollowed en masse by danmei fans for saying wildly misogynistic things about the author. Everyone all week has been scrambling to figure out where this came from. "He only ever said these things about cishet white women," but you guys... he was always talking about us the whole time. Now, I just don't know. Now I see why men aren't generally welcomed in or are common within romance-genre circles. It's just really frustrating to see the same thing over and over again. I'll add on that the only genuinely cool queer men in fandom I've met have come from yuri circles. The ones who try to talk about BL are, from my experiences, generally misogynistic, toxic, and feel as though everything should center around them because they're men and in BL the characters are men, as well. But when other women don't want to form community with them, they scream about 'homophobia' and 'fetishizing gay men.' No, you're just an annoying, awful person to be around, and the queer male yuri fans didn't want to deal with you either. Has anyone else, or you specifically, dealt with this? Is there a way to become friends with more queer men in BL spaces who aren't... like That? Or are there specific things/patterns to look for as far as who to avoid?

--

God, so much of this sounds so familiar.

I've known a sad number of trans dudes who overcompensate in dickhead ways. A lot of them do calm down a few years into presenting publicly as male, but it's infuriating to see that crap even if it's temporary.

I will say that two of my close circle of offline friends are trans men, including one who came out during the time we've all been friends. The defensive tomfoolery is in no way inevitable. Both of these dudes are nonwhite and have experience in various other geeky and queer spaces beyond BL (gaming, drag queens, etc.). Maybe that broader perspective helped, or maybe they're just nicer and more mature people than a lot of the little jerkfaces I run across online.

TBH, I often have better luck in offline meetups because to show up at all, people have to be a little more comfortable with getting along with others and behaving themselves. It's also sometimes easier to detect the people you want to back away from slowly when you can see how they treat people in person.

One of my neighbors is a cis gay guy. White, able bodied, middle class, yadda yadda. Exactly the demographic you'd expect to be the worst in certain spaces. He and his partner have lots of queer friends, and plenty of them aren't fellow cis gay guys, which is basically my litmus test for non-annoying cis gay guys offline. (Toxic cis gay dude culture is its own kettle of fish with a different set of issues than defensive trans boy culture, but I've encountered it plenty too.)

This neighbor is interested in geikomi and was delighted to find out I'm a fellow nerd and eager for all my nonfiction book recs about queer Japanese stuff. We don't necessarily overlap in our manga tastes, but there's still a lot we do share. When I ramble on about how AFAB queer people and/or bisexuals study history that's presented as cis gay men's history because that's all we have for most historical periods, he's like "Yeah, that makes total sense!" and not "Mine and not yours!"

I think the key here is that this is a dude who is secure in his identity, who's getting both his media and queer community needs met, and who's in his 40s, so he has some god damn perspective and doesn't need to pretend BL is aimed at him.

A lot of the little jerkfaces make me think "Did your preschool teacher not teach you how to share your toys?"

--

To be honest, there seem to be plenty of dudes hanging around my tumblr. A few cis. Many trans. But they're not going to bring it up incessantly in some defensive "you know I'm not a cootie-having girl, right?" way because who does that?

It comes up when there's a discussion about trans shit or BL as #ownvoices or whatever. (And, in general, any dude worth hanging out with will not think BL as an industry is, or should be, anything of the sort—even if he's expressing his own sense of queerness by writing some.)

On the flipside, I have seen some pretty extreme "no boys allowed" clubhouse nonsense in fandom. It's less common than it was, and past shitty dudes have often been the inspiration, but it can still be a bit much. The nicer class of fandom dude is often pretty hesitant in certain spaces because he's expecting to be met with hostility and is trying to figure out how to participate without tromping all over everyone. (TBH, the guys worrying about this are rarely the problem, but you know how it is.)

I've had dudes send me private messages being like "this thing you said seems kind of stereotypical and anti-man", but in the adult capable of conversation way, not in the tantruming 5-year-old way. And we had a conversation, and they stuck around.

I think having a very clear "It's not #ownvoices, fuck off" stance deters a lot of the more pestilential set. Being equally clear that everyone is welcome and that male yuri fans and female BL fans are pretty equivalent makes the guys worth knowing come out of the woodwork.

In 99% of spaces, I do not give a fuck if some man has his precious feelings hurt by a double standard or default suspicion of men... But fandom is a little unusual because of the demographics and relative power here being so different from in most spaces.

I've definitely seen some people who think women liking BL are fine because we care about characters' personalities, while male fans are all predators or all write f/f that is just fetishy porn or m/m that sounds like Nifty.org and not other fanfic or whatever.

And, yeah, I'll shut down the dumbasses crying in my inbox because I made a joke about Nifty and "coke can dicks" (the kind of guys who have clearly never read m/m that's aimed at dudes outside of fandom spaces), but at the same time, we should extend a little benefit of the doubt to our fellow fandom members of whatever gender. There are usually plenty of men facepalming right along with me at these inexperienced young fools who cannot bear to share.

I think you're just running into the problem that the loud people whose identities you know are often using those identities to browbeat other fans on social media.

--

There are fewer men in BL spaces than women or nonbinary people, so one will typically end up knowing fewer men.

Honestly, I think you find the reasonable people and get rid of the unreasonable ones in the same way regardless of gender: Gatekeeping bullshit is a red flag. Very Online understandings of oppression are a red flag. Enthusiastic and clueless blanket endorsement of own voices as a concept is a red flag. Lots of talking about "fetishization" or even "appropriation" in a very online way is a massive red flag. Monetizing fanfic or seeing other pro authors as competition instead of peers is another. (Professional jealousy and fear about earning potential are behind a lot of bad behavior.)

A lot of it is down to whether you're willing to make yourself a target by publicly telling annoying people to fuck off.

If others can tell what you stand for, they can figure out if they want to hang out with you. Most people keep their heads down a lot of the time, so it can be hard to even hear of them, let alone know if they're your sort of person.

--

tl;dr – Be nice to nice men. Tell shitty men to take a hike. Making friends with men is really as simple as that.

There are larger issues here with what kinds of queer spaces exist and whom they prioritize and with toxic understandings of what representation even means and what should be demanded of whose art. But as you say, a lot of women are also promoting toxic-ass understandings of these things.

The bottom line is that we must resist social media clout-driven understandings of justice. The loudest assholes in the room are rarely worth listening to.

[gnc-culture-is]

gnc culture (afab, genderqueer) is wearing hoodies in the way transmascs do but not wanting to get top surgery or bind

And that is more than respectable! I hope your hoodies bring you comfort :)

#gnc culture is #afab #genderqueer #GQ #mod Rob

[merlwybs-wife]

LFRP: Mjara Phovent (Marsnek Miret)

Basic Stuff —

Name: Mjara Phovent (Marsnek Miret)

Age: 58

Birthday: November 17th //  17th sun of the 6th astral moon

Race: Viera -> Veena

Gender: Genderqueer (he/they)

Sexuality: Homosexual

Relationship Status: Widowed

Carrd Link

Physical Appearance —

Hair: Purple, layered with fringe; slightly asymmetrical, swooped to one side.

Eyes: Gold

Height: 5′10″

Build: Lissome; Svelte 

Distinguishing Marks: Strikingly feminine figure; wider-set hips, narrow shoulders. 

Personal —

Hobbies: Fashion, Sewing, Embroidery, Dancing

Languages: Common/Eorzean

Residence: Ishgard

Birthplace: ?? 

Religion: Why do you ask? He worships Halone, of course. Like any proper Ishgardian. Halone be praised.

Patron Deity: Rhalgr

Fears: “I am afforded my secrets, dear.”

Tropes: femme fatale, black widow, caged bird

Relationships —

Children: He couldn't even keep a plant alive, let alone a child.

Parents: Status unknown.

Siblings: Older brother- status unknown.

Other Relatives: None he is aware of.

Pets: None. If he could manage it, he'd love a bird-- but settles for visiting a large aviary in a botanical garden.

Traits —

Extroverted / In Between/ Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open-Minded

Calm/ In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

vivacious. charming. enigmatic. Mjara prides himself on his artistry and intellect, a man of entertainment and hedonism. He wields his wit like a dagger, and isn't afraid to twist salt into any wound he deems proper to leave.

Hooks —

Black Widow: Though there is no substantial evidence to prove the true nature of the late viscount Etienne Phovent's death, it is an unquestionable "fact" within Ishgard that Mjara had a heavy-handed role in the matter.

Jewel of the Crown: Those who might have a finger on the pulse of the underbelly of Ishgard might have heard the Viera's name floated around amongst a particular criminal syndicate, The Crown. again, it seems any amount of proof is lost to the wind.

Burlesque Beauty: Though it would hardly be seen as an infamous act outside of Ishgard, many know Mjara's preferred moniker, Marsnek Miret, of which he dons for his touring, avant-garde burlesque performances outside of Ishgard. he's known to give a private show for interested parties, including some of his peerage-- whatever truly transpires there is something of scandal.

Something Wicked. Those who might be any sensitive to aether would perhaps realize something about Mjara is... not quite right. it's subtle, make no mistake, but undoubtedly curious to those who catch it. (note that this does not apply to void-affiliated characters. i will privately disclose what his aether reads as to such players)

Seeking —

Ishgardian nobles who may have known Mjara prior to his husband's passing.

Ishgardian nobles who would enjoy some criminal ties, such as information brokering. (Or would otherwise rather have a more "pleasant" and "less suspicious" liaison between themselves and a criminal syndicate)

Ishgardian criminals, preferably those who might be interested in playing a role in The Crown.

Those who might be willing to form a connection with him outside of Ishgard, primarily Ul'dah.

NOT SEEKING a romantic relationship, but would be fine with a friends with benefits type thing.

General OOC —

I’m Scully, a 30 year old AFAB agender individual (she/they) who has been writing for… idk 18 years or so.

Please only inquire about RP if you are 21+

Themes I enjoy: occult, horror, drama, romance, criminal, dark, slice of life, & more

I’m in PST, generally available from 9am/10am - 6pm, after which I get too tired to start RP in-game.

Due to my health, I prefer discord RP atm.

My DMs are open! No need to ask.

Reblogs/Boosts appreciated!

#marsnek #mjara #crystal rp #mateus rp #ffxiv rp