#also i wanna clarify something i've said in the other tags

[nights-at-crystarium]

Every day I’m presented with the toughest choice of my life.

#look i'm his creator so i should have some semblance of control right #some measure of immunity #ha #these chompers bite right into my heart as well #also i wanna clarify something i've said in the other tags #i hinted at him getting messed up at some point of their story #it won't get TOO bad that i promise #i don't have the heart to ruin him completely #my muses are my life and i wanna keep it interesting but also safe and sound #that's a lotta tag rambling #last one thing yes i made that gif specifically for the post \o/ #ffxiv #vivien rell #own: next lvl

[rafetopia]

I just wanna clarify something real quick because I've seen some posts about it.

when we (I know im not speaking for everyone here but like from what I have noticed) say we find "dad" and "kid" weird in fics, we don't mean like the normal "jokingly" way. Those words are often used in sexual contexts combined with the fact that the reader often acts like a real kid with like extreme dumbification. I have seen fics where the reader doesn't even realize they are having basically sex and in combination with those nicknames, it just seems weird. If you are into that, then okay you do you. But the dynamic often feels like adult x kid and in my opinion, we have the right to say something about it on our blog if we think that it is weird.

No one (at least not to my knowledge) came into any inboxes directly to shame a writer for writing a fic like that or using those nicknames in any fic. We only expressed our personal opinion on our blogs and it's not our fault if you felt attacked or offended by that. We (also to my knowledge only) never attacked anyone personally and just expressed our discomfort with that. If you have a problem with that or feel offended, then you are free to unfollow or block, I can assure you I personally don't have a problem with that because it's your right.

I know we also have the option to unfollow or block and I have done that before but since those fics are showing up in the tags (which they have every right to) and some of them are not tagged or have those nicknames in the warnings, sometimes you can't avoid them. Besides just because I personally don't like the topics you are writing, doesn't mean I don't like you, or other stuff that you are posting)

Another thing is that there seems to be a big hype surrounding those names or dynamics suddenly and its okay if you like those fics then I'm happy for you but if its not your cup of tea then your pool for fanfics is becoming smaller and smaller. And before you come at me say "if you want something, then write it yourself or request it", yes that is an option but not all of us are writers and not everyone takes requests all the time and In my opinion, everyone has the right to be sad about the lack of something because ppl complain about the lack of certain characters all the time.

What I want to say with this post is that, if we express an opinion on our personal blogs, then it's not meant to offend you. Everyone has the right to express their opinion or feelings and if you don't like that, you can always unfollow. Just as you have the right to keep posting and writing what you like.

with that being said, I hope y'all have an amazing day and please don't feel offended by personal opinions that aren't directly sent into your inbox but made as normal posts to connect with people that feel the same about certain topics. There is always a difference between attacking someone personally (for ex. in their inbox) and posting your thoughts on your blog.

#jas rambles ❥ #rafe cameron #outer banks

[sailor-aviator]

Okay, so I've gone back and forth on whether or not to post this, but here we are. Long post under the cut.

I realize that I tend to post updates fairly often. However, I am not a machine, and I do actually have a full time job. The only reason I've been able to update like I have is because we've been in the off season. Eventually, things are going to pick up quite a bit and more than likely, I won't have as much free time to post like I do now. With that being said, I will try to get updates to you guys as much as I can, BUT there seems to be an attitude going around (not just towards me, but towards many other authors on here) that we should be updating almost every day. This is not feasible. Do I love that you guys love my stories so much? Absolutely! And I love talking about them with y'all. However, this is a hobby first and foremost. I am not being paid to write these stories and everything that I do post, I post for free. So, it's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox asking when I'm updating again after it's only been a week. It's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox for requests with not even a please or thank you, just a demand for something.

Which brings me to the next point. I don't mind taking requests. In truth, I'm a little backlogged right now, so until I can catch up, specific requests are closed. I will still talk about the stories with you guys, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a drabble until I can catch up on some of the ones that have been sitting in my inbox for about two months now. Along this same line, I really don't appreciate people coming into my inbox and telling me that you like my writing and then turning around and insulting it. I also don't appreciate when people come into my inbox and ask me to write an entire AU with specific scenarios while also insulting the way I write my characters. I love hearing about the different AUs you guys wanna see me do, but when you are sending me paragraphs of specific things you want to see in the AU, then it's no longer just an idea. At that point, you should be considering writing it yourself because it's not my original story at that point.

To clarify, there's a big difference between "I think it would be really cool if you wrote a mob AU and the reader could be a waitress or work in a bookshop or something" and "You should write a mob AU where the reader is a waitress and gets caught in a shootout and this character saves her! But then it turns out the waitress is secretly working undercover to bring down the mob boss and there's a shootout where this thing happens and then the characters have this specific conversation and then..."

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I swear I'm not. But it's frustrating when I can tell some of you don't even read the actual stories before ragging on them and then submitting a request in the same breath. It's also getting a little frustrating when I have the tag list at the top of my posts (with the trigger warnings) and I'm still being asked to add people to the tag list. I try to be accomodating and understanding, guys, but things have been a little much recently, and I just felt like I needed to say something. I know I'm not the only author on here experiencing this sort of stuff, and I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm speaking for them, but please start reading the author notes and the trigger warnings and what the author has posted before the actual story. And please stop pestering the authors on here about when they're posting. I know some people post daily, hell, I used to be one of them back when I was unemployed. But we have lives outside of this website guys, and a lot of us have plans with the holidays upon us as well as mental health problems with the changing seasons.

Again, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I think people tend to forget that there are actual people behind these accounts, and while we love interacting with and giving you guys content, sometimes we need a break too. I know I have other hobbies other than writing, and sometimes I just need to take a step back so I don't get burnt out and stop writing altogether. Just show a little compassion and courtesy, y'all, that's all I'm asking.

Happy Holidays, and I hope to have something out for y'all this week if not a couple things. I have the entire week after Christmas off, but I don't know how much I'll be able to write given I have to go get my car fixed now and I have plans with some friends.

#long post #love y'all #just had to get this off my chest #but i'm very thankful for each and every one of you #liz rambles

[hotchs-big-hands]

Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

*********************

Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

#vent post #tw vent #tw: self harm #tw suicide #tw self harm #a speaks

[gorillawithautism]

things i would like my mutuals to tag !!

easy catch-alls: #awae from pae, #away from pae

i'm not gonna like,, make detailed descriptions of what triggers me publicly available (i will be leaving some things out and not really elaborating to the fullest extent) because internet safety or whatever but if you have questions about other things i would like tagged or clarifying questions you may dm me and i may or may not provide further information

also: nobody is obligated to tag any of these things. it's not a big deal if you forget or just don't have the energy. it might make my life a little easier if they're tagged but if you don't it's entirely guilt free please don't worry about it

that said, here's the list:

#rat harm - use this for any posts that talk about rats being hurt or killed in any way

#reblog bait - this is for those posts that are like "reblog this if you care about [cause]" to guilt you into it or "reblog this for good luck"/"if you don't reblog this [bad thing] will happen." other kinds of reblog games are fine.

#gore - excessive blood and whatnot

#nsft - sexual stuff

#antisemitism - generally self explanatory but i will make a note that antizionism in itself is not antisemitism. i am an antizionist jew i don't take any issue with antizionist posts

#bbc merlin arthur death - feel free to help me workshop that tag idk it feels a little long and clunky but regardless i don't really wanna see art or screencaps of that scene

#pjo, #fnaf - because there are zionists involved in production i don't wanna see stuff about these media/fandoms on my dash

brainwashing - this is a word i have muted rather than a tag so if you post a screenshot of something like a tweet that includes the word i just ask that you find a way to also make sure the word is typed into the post somewhere

that's it for now :)

if i update this list i will probably reblog it

again, no guilt if you can't/won't/don't tag these things. for my own safety, i've very intentionally only listed things i can handle coming across even if i would rather avoid them, so if you're unable to tag things purely for my sake that's still something i can handle.

[orangesideirrational]

yet another horror au drabble! as always- these are inspired by/ set in the world of @cartilagehumdrum's mvt horror au

(this is part 3, though there is continuity between these i suppose you dont have to read them in order. i would suggest it however)

since ive made quite a few of these- you can find all of them in the tag '#mvt horror' on my profile.

again- this was originally given to the discord server, with little to no editing!

this was also inspired by the song misery meat! its on the horror sharpagne playlist put together by @thepiratefish! its really only one line that got my brain racing (sterling says something similar to the line, if you can catch it) but still!

CWS- fade to black? ig? they only make out but it is a little suggestive. also benny calls champagne a puppy but i really dont know how to classify that

hope you enjoy!

this was insane, sterling decided as he watched benny and champagne debate.

'appendix.' dr champagne stated. it was supposed to be a question, but it didn't sound like one to sterling.

'mmm, tonsils' benny offered, looking far too gleeful about the idea than was warranted.

'you just want me to touch your neck.' dr champagne rebutted. sterling was horrified when benny just shrugged with the same smile still over his face, which had gone slightly red.

'eh, guilty. whatabout a rib?' benny moved the topic on, which left sterling reeling for a moment before champagne spoke again.

'nah, i've already got 4.' sterling jumped in, confused 'i thought you only had 3?' at which dr champagne huffed (laughed?). Benny's face was rather pink as he clarified 'i ah- had ta paid 'im for some info.' dr champagne looked at benny with a smirk that made sterling tense. 'that's not how i remember it. i remember you be-'

'A-ANYWAY! appendix, right?' benny interrupted, now a brilliant red. champagne huffed out another laugh and was about to agree when sterling jumped in again

'why dont you try stealing from someone else for a change?' he asked. dr champagne just scoffed and said 'i cant. well, i could, but Benny's are the sweetest-' before cutting himself off, face going pink.

in unison, Benny and Sterling both said 'wait, you eat them?' sterling in horror, benny in fascination. sterling was about to say something like see benny,this is why we don't give our organs to avatars, you never know what they're going to do with them when benny strolled past where he was standing between them towards champagne.

'you eat them.' he stated, a grin once again spreading across his face before he gasped. 'you're just like a dog!'

it wasn't an insult. it was said with the same gleeful realisation that he had used when someone brought a surprise pizza round.

benny was close to the doctor now, chests almost touching as benny tilted his head and asked the now very red champagne 'do you gnaw on my ribs like a chew toy, pupp-?' before being cut off by champagne grabbing the collar of Benny's shirt and dragging him closer 'what if i did?' champagne demanded before sterling stepped forward

'doctor, i understand that-' he started before being cut off by a loud growl from champagne.

'uh yeah silver ill be fine. but you might wanna leave, watching someone's organs being taxen is never fun.' benny (whose blush was now back ten-fold) assured, still looking up at champagne, who now had a hand around benny's waist protectively.

sterling didn't like it, but he left the room the same.

(from how benny had described it, sterling had thought it wouldve taken far less time for the doctor to take benny's appendix and leave. sterling shook away any and all thoughts that maybe champagne wasnt just taking benny's appendix, but other organs as well. sterling's suspicions were somewhat justified when benny sauntered out of the room, covered in bite marks and looking all too pleased with himself. sterling did ask if benny was ok, but he just said 'yeah, champ's good about only taking what he said he will. technically. i mean he did take three ribs when he only said one that one time but he only took ribs so it counts.' sterling clarified that benny's neck looked like it had been attacked by a shark, and benny just went red and re-iterated that he was fine. )

bonus dialog that i just thought was funny-

sterling: benny, i know your scared but-

champ: hes not scared.

sterling: ?

champ: i can sense fear, and hes not scared.

sterling: then wha- oh.

benny: uh- O/////////_/////////O

#monsterfucker benny sharp 2024 #popcross #popcrossstudios #popcross studios #sharpagne #mvt horror

[words-after-midnight]

Hi! I went through the libaw tag while I was bored and???? It's so good??????

I am in love with Gabriel now. New blorbo acquired. All your snippets are great. And also all your chapter titles are fire.

Idk where you're at with the querying but best of luck on that. I wanna see this published so I can devour it.

Just wanted to say how much I love what I've seen of this story. You're doing great, bestie 👍

(Also, do you have a taglist?)

🥺 You just made my day! This was such a sweet message to receive. I'm glad you enjoy the snippets and titles (my titles are definitely a point of pride for me, haha), and that you find the story intriguing. That's the goal! It's not really the kind of story that tends to get much attention in these spaces, tbh, so I'm pleasantly surprised with the warm response some of my recent snippets have received.

Gabriel would most likely be shocked that someone considers him blorbo-worthy, but I'm sure he would appreciate your affections! I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with him myself, but he's definitely one of my more compelling characters and I'm proud of the way he turned out. As a character, anyway. As a person is more complex, lol. Either way, definitely poured years of blood, sweat, tears and research into that guy, and I suppose if I was trying to produce upstanding fictional specimens of humanity I'd probably be writing something other than crime thrillers.

More under the cut because this got suuuper long (💀):

RE: querying - I've been "getting ready to query" for like a year at this point, lol, but that's mostly because the edits after my last beta cycle became QUITE a bit more extensive than anticipated. It's definitely for the better, though. I'm very, very happy with the way it's turning out. Not only am I successfully addressing a lot of my own nagging issues and recurrent beta reader comments, but the structural edits are also allowing me to trim the word count quite a bit (which... the word count has been a MAJOR hurdle in my journey with this project, because of tradpub word count limits in my genre versus the complexity of the story). I'm about 70% done with edits at this point. There will be things actively happening on the querying front in the near future - I will update on that asap.

Re: taglist - I don't currently have any taglists because I worry about my ability to be consistent with maintaining them. You're not the first person to ask about a taglist for libaw specifically, though, so I might try to see if doing one just for that project is feasible. Stay tuned.

Side note, I saw your tags on my post from last year about libaw's history and while they are very (!!!) sweet I feel I must clarify: I started the project in 2008 (when I was 17, for reference), but I haven't been working on it actively throughout that entire span of time - there was a long period between late 2013 and early 2022 where I did very little writing/work on creative projects in general, so it was shelved for most of that. It took me 2.5 years to draft (2008-2011) - at the time it was two novels totalling ~400K words - and then I spent most of 2012 and 2013 doing large-scale revisions, which included a full rewrite/merging of the novels in 2013. Then I took it back up again for good in early 2022 (two years ago today, coincidentally). So that's definitely still a very long time to work on one novel, but not as long as the entire span of years since I started it.

I've always said this is the book of my heart, and I won't try to release it until I'm happy with it and know I've given it my best shot. I've never regretted that for a second, but it's taken a long time to get there, for both personal and skill-related reasons (namely, there's a social commentary element to the story that's taken me a lot of effort, research, and development as a writer to get right - it's ongoing, but I'm getting close based on recent feedback). To be close to reaching the point where I can genuinely feel "my" (independent, prior to pub-related edits) work is done after well over a decade is very cool for sure.

#ask #libaw #sorry this got so long jfc

[riouri]

.*:+*+::*+Welcome To My Blog*:+*+::*+.

Requests Are Currently [Open] [Closed]

Hi there! I'm riouri, and I like love Stranger Things and I also love writing.

I take requests, and since this is the pinned post, just sneak a peak at the line above. The open/closed word will be highlighted when requests are open/closed.

The requests I take: I mainly write SFW but I will sometimes write smut. I mainly write romance imagines [only for Billy, Steve, Eddie] but I write daily life/friendship imagines as well [for mainly all of the kids]. I usually write imagines, but I also do drabbles, so make sure to clarify if you want a drabble. I also write in 1, 2, and 3rd P.O.V., and it depends on what pov I feel like writing from, so if you have a specific one in mind, make sure to specify.

I have 2 prompts for requests, one with lines and another with character traits. They will be featured towards the bottom of the post, but here is a link for the line prompts [click here] and here is a link for the character prompts [click here]. Btw- I am accepting requests with ideas to add to the character prompts.

Below are my tags that I use to help organize everything I post that is mine.

#riouri writes [used for all original things i write]

#riouri rambles [used for everything that's just me talking]

#riouri creates [used for all original collages/edits i make]

#riouri requests [used for everything pertaining to requests]

#riouri answers [used for every ask/request i've answered]

You may see these text dividers on my blog :

^^ I didn't make any of these, and credits go to their creator, @vecnacurse

Last note from me:

I wish you a wonderful day/night and many more to come! Enjoy cute Finn. [Prompts are below the adorable picture]

Line Prompts For Requests- *not required*

“What if I just kissed you?”

“But you lied to me!"

“You’re the only one I want”

“Come, I want to show you something.”

“I love you.”

“I don’t think I would be able to live without you.”

“Boohoo. Cry me a river”

"Stay?" "What?" “I need you.”

“Can you knock?!”

“Stop looking at me like that”

“I hate you-and you need to stay away from me.” “Never.”

“You deserve so much better than this. You really do.”

“What? It’s like-three in the morning”

“Get your ass over here“

“Don't leave”

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right!”

“So help me, god!”

“Those things that you said yesterday- Did you - uh- mean them?”

“I think that I love you and that scares the crap out of me!”

“No way in hell am I doing that.”

"No way in hell is that happening"

“What are you doing awake right now?”

“Don’t ever do that again- you hear me?”

“What did you do this time?”

“Well, this is kinda awkward.”

“I am not friends with- them.”

“Shi-You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”

“I can’t keep doing this, [insert name].”

“Hey, did you sleep last night?” “I can sleep when I’m dead”

“You're cute, but so fucked up.”

“Why are you talking to me?”

“Stop being so attractive!”

“What happened to you?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Here, um- take my jacket/shirt.”

“Don’t touch me.”

"Do you guys wanna build a blanket fort?”

“Did you do all this just to get my attention?”

“Where do I know you from?” “From your dreams, sweetheart.”

“What the hell were you thinking?” “To be honest, I’m not quite sure.” 

“Fuck, I need a drink[cig/shot] to deal with you.”

“It didn’t seem important at the time!”

“What- What are you doing here?” “I work here [name/nickname]. Don’t act so shocked to see me.”

“You can't lie for shit.”

< ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- >

Reader’s Character Prompts *not required*

*some things here aren't necessarily character traits, just some details about the character*

AA. Absolute badass

BB. Sarcasm. all. the. time.

CC. Sibling of a Hawkins character

DD. pretty pink chick

EE. Cheerleader *slightly different from 4*

FF. Reader is the other babysitter and the other mom of the Hawkins kids.

GG. Artist. Arms covered in her doodles all the time

HH. “Innocent” but totally not.

II. Reader has a bunch of hidden tattoos

*Liable to additions in the future- btw, you can request to add a prompt to the list!*

#riouri creates #riouri rambles #riouri writes #riouri answers #riouri requests #stranger things #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #max mayfield imagine #max mayfield #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanart

[worldoflis]

GET TO KNOW ME BETTER

Thanks for the tag @cerriddwenluna and sorry it took so long, if I don't do these things immediately I forget :/

Answer the questions, then pass it on to three other people you want to know better

1. What is your favourite colour?

I would probably say red, though I've been going through a yellow period lately :D. Mostly as long as it's not pastel I'm happy :)

2. What is your current favourite song?

Honestly? I have no idea. I don't listen to the radio and I don't really follow any specific artists, so unless a song REALLY blows up and/or becomes a tumblr meme, I won't know it. Which means that when I do listen to music, it's the highlights of the stuff I heard in my 20s.

That being said, I just requested my wife to put on Yo dije ouff by Omar Rudberg cause it never fails to make me happy (and make me wanna dance).

3. How would you describe your taste in music?

Lol. Should've read this question before answering this :D. But basically 90s/00s pop? I love dancing, so anything with a proper beat usually works for me - though I feel I need to clarify that I've danced folk, bellydancing, jazz, lindy hop, tap, stage, and others, so obviously "danceable" covers a VERY broad range here :D.

4. Day or night?

Night. Nobrainer.

A sleeping schedule from 3/4am to noon for me would be ideal, but alas *gestures at society and my own life choices in having a family*. Cause at night, time doesn't seem to exist quite as... explicitely? It makes it easier to do things, somehow. I can send an email and rest easy for a few hours because I know they won't reply immediately, for example.

5. What fan fics are you currently reading?

I just read Time for Love by @lady-divine-writes for the Lima Bean bookclub, and I'm making my way through the other 3-2-1 Big Bang fics. And then I don't know. I wanna read some more Young Royals, catch up on the klaine/kurtbastian fics that passed me by these past years. But I'm a terrible reader - the short fics always leave me wanting more but I just can't seem to focus on the long fics so 🤷‍♀️.

6. What is an under used trope you would like to see more often?

Not really a trope, but I'm very fascinated with the unreliable narrator thing. Getting presented something as Truth by one character, and then finding out that being very much Not True and just messing a little with the reader like that.

7. What would your dream job be?

A job that doesn't start until the afternoon, allows me freedom to organize my work the way I want it to, with enough supervision to spur me on and keep me from procrastinating, with clear deadlines because that motivates me but also without any deadlines whatsoever cause they stress me out.

Also in cycling distance from my house, please.

Like I can't think of anything concrete of the top of my head but I'm sure there's SOMETHING that matches these very simple and not at all contradictory requests.

8. Make a wish ☆

I'm gonna be lame and copy Gwen's wish: that my kids grow up into happy and good people.

I'm tagging... @turmaliini, @magicalpaz, and @ipwarn. But only if you feel like it!

#tag you're it #it's so funny being tagged in this #cause I just deleted a bunch of these games from my draft #that I filled in but never dared post #this is me #cerriddwenluna

[icanseethefuture333]

your tarot reading for olivia and taylor was honestly disappointing to read, it's very obvious that you are biased negatively towards olivia... i mean, she was 17 when it happened after years of idolising her favourite singer... you're not a reliable reader, you let your bias show so strongly. really disappointing and low

If y'all don't get out my damn inbox with this shit. IDGAF! I've been nice and I clarified the first time, but now I am pissed off. If you wanna be bold and slander my character, then come off anon and do it. I have been doing readings since I was 17. That's 5 years of practice!!! The anon asked a question and I did the reading, plain and simple. If you have such a problem with it then take it up with them. It is so convenient for people to attack tarot readers when they are literally bending over backwards everyday to entertain your ungrateful asses with little to no pay. From PACs to personal free readings to celebrity readings, etc, but you think that these two people, out of multiple other celebrities that I have asks for, that I still need to do - You think I have time to be "biased"??? The fucking audacity. I'm gonna say this one time and one time only. I am not a fan of Taylor or Olivia. I don't care what they do and I don't follow them. Check my tags. Check my blog. Neither of them, are going to be present here. Even if I am not their supporter, does not mean I would slander their character. In the reading I did not take sides. If anyone had something stolen from their art and received justice, I am obviously going to say "good for them", regardless of who it is. I didn't even listen to either of the songs till recently! My opinion or your opinion doesn't matter. Taylor won the court case and got credited on "Deja Vu". This isn't just a fued, it's legality. Some people think they sound similar, others do not, but at the end of the day there are people who work in that industry that can tell what sample, beat, or melody that needs to be given credit for. You can also be mad at the judge for being in favor of Taylor, idk maybe they were a swiftie 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Also anon, you're literally a liar and got your facts wrong. "Deja Vu" came out April 2021 and Olivia was 18 years old, not 17. Her birthday is in February, so that made the release 2 months after her 18th birthday. When you are in business and you sign a contract, also writing music, that is your responsibility to make sure things are credited. I even said that it was sad what Olivia and Taylor went through in the reading, so unless you lack reading comprehension, that is not my issue. Even though I felt bad, I am also going to criticize her on lack of ability to give credit because she's an adult! She is not a child. (Also I am two years older than her... so what was the goal of you bringing up her age anyways? 💀)

What comes out in the cards, is what fucking comes out. Period. Even if I am asked about celebrities I don't care for, that I have no interest in, or strongly dislike, I answer the question with grace but I also will not sugarcoat things for anybody. Every reading I do is purely for entertainment and if you are not being entertained, then you don't have to like it. It doesn't resonate with you and that is fine. My job is to interpret the messages that come through. It's literally nothing set in stone, but if you're gonna be this butt hurt at people - when these people don't even know your existence, then I got news for you, your life is gonna be really hard for you out in the real world. Get out your feelings and stop disrespecting people in defense of your celebrities who wouldn't even bat an eyelash at any this, GROW UP! Fans and their parasocial relationships with celebrities is so toxic its ridiculous. I am not a perfect person but don't treat me like shit and accuse me of being biased or say I am "unreliable", when there are awful tarot readers out there who don't show what cards they use, don't even shuffle on camera, invasively dive into people's traumas, sexualize minors, and more, but you're pressed about a reading of a court case that happened this year. Whatever, anon, go find peace and stop disturbing mine.

#ask #anon #fanmail #taylor swift #olivia rodrigo #you tried it anon you really did but better luck next time

[ghost-shipping]

i think ur right, it is important to understand other peoples struggles, esp when ur a part of a marginalized group. i also think its not being nit picky to say its wrong imply that ppl with low / no empathy are the problem. its like, two things can be true at once.

im just saying, because like, we get so much shit for our lack of empathy. and it’s important to not put another group down just to try and make a point. it is important to understand how other people feel, but it is not required, if that makes sense. like, queer antis who attack other queer ppl are immature and selfish and horrible people. could the empathy have something to do with it? maybe. but whats most important is their lack of care for other people…. not their inability to feel what other people feel.

sorry for the novel. i dont wanna police ur wording. just wanna make sure no one has to get unnecessarily grouped in or hurt.

First of all I'd like to say that I'm sorry that you and probably a few others were distressed at the tags on my post last week. It was never my intention to accuse low empathy people of being any kind of root cause for these problems.

But I also think it's important to clarify that I was using the word in the very generalized way most people I've met do, in that empathy and sympathy are conflated and blurred a bit. When I said antis "lack empathy" as a community I meant that they clearly discourage seeing things from the other persons perspective and how they might feel if in those circumstances, because to do this would make them akin to an apologist (and also might make them realize they are looking for control and not safety). This is common amongst puritan social movements of any kind. I was not suggesting that the solution is that they need to feel the same emotions proshippers do, just that seeing things from the perspective of a marginalized victim who acts in a way they think is icky is a major taboo by design.

Believe it or not I have been told I have a lower threshold for empathy a lot of the time because I tend to intellectualize others emotional problems to understand them better as opposed to feeling with them, but I chose not to use the word sympathy at the time because I think a lot of people perceive sympathy to be an inherently less involved and more shallow way of understanding other people. A lot of folks think sympathy is simply feeling sorry for someone else and empathy is truly understanding. Which of course isn't really accurate because things are a lot more involved and complicated than that and having lower empathy/higher sympathy doesn't inherently say anything about you as a person.

#ask

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Sorry for your lost - Part I “I will grieve”.

Serie Masterlist here || Part II|| Read on AO3 

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, hurtful behaviors, domestic wanda.

Chapter warnings: Heavy angst, death.

Author’s notes:  Hello readers! I'm finally back to posting something, but I disappeared for a good reason, I was writing three new series. And here is the first of them. I really enjoyed this work and it's something I've been trying to write since I watched WandaVision, and only now I've managed to put it into words. I am not finished yet, but there is only one chapter left, so your reading will not be affected. Pay attention to the warnings, and good reading!

Tag list (let me know if you wanna be tagged) 

@mionemymind​ / @abimess​ / @stephanieromanoff​ / @yourtaletotell​ / @tomy5girls​ / @justagaypanicking​ / @thegayw1tch​

//-//

Chapter One - I’ll grieve.

You wished you could go back to sleep as soon as you opened your eyes. The sound of your alarm buzzed loudly throughout the room, and after putting it on snooze mode at least four times, you finally got annoyed enough to grab it and throw it across the room. But the sound continued.

Letting out a grumble of dissatisfaction, you pushed the comforter off you, and sat up in your bed. Your room was a mess, but you just skipped through the clothes on the floor to reach the phone, turning off the alarm through the new crack you made in the screen.

"Honey, are you up?" you heard your mother's distant voice calling you through the door, probably from the living room or the kitchen. "Don't forget your therapy today."

You sighed impatiently, running your hands through your hair. The damn group therapy. 

Grumbling lightly, you forced yourself to take a shower, not wanting "poor hygiene" to end up on your progress report card. 

A while later, when you were finished, you went into the kitchen. Your mother was using her laptop on the counter, and just waved at you.

"Are you going to take me?" You asked her with your hands in your pockets. Your mother took her eyes off the screen to evaluate the sweatshirt you were wearing, and you rolled your eyes at her disapproving expression. 

"You know, you could try driv-"

"Mom" You cut her off in earnest, your heart racing momentarily. You don't drive. An she knows. Your mother sighs, putting her hands up in a sign of surrender.

"It was just a suggestion dear." She retorts as she stands up, reaching for her car key on the key rack exiting the kitchen. "But I'm busy with the store, you'll need to take the subway next time."

"Thanks for the support." You grumble as you step out in front and your mother lets out a wry chuckle.

You frown and let out a dissatisfied exclamation as you step outside feeling the sun's rays on your face.

"You're not a vampire, cut the drama." Mocks your mother by pushing you lightly to get you out of the way. 

You grumble  as you walk to the car. And when you are sitting on the seat, your mother is starting the vehicle and she asks:

"Are you sure you're not going to eat anything?"

Looking out the window, you just mumble that you're not hungry, and she shakes her head in disapproval before you back the car up. You don't speak any more on the way.

//-//

Your mother dropped you off in the parking lot of a gymnasium where the therapy group would be meeting. You sighed as you got out, and thanked her for the ride and the money she gave you to eat, even though you probably weren't going to use.

Resisting the urge to run away, you forced your feet to walk toward the place.

There were a few people at the door, but you didn't smile at any of them, entering the place with your head down and your hands in your pockets. 

And then a woman greeted you, and put a little sticker with your name on your shirt when you gave her your papers. 

Then she signaled the way you should go, and you ended up on the gymnasium court, where there was a wheel of chairs, and a table with food and drink, and several people scattered around, who you thought were part of your therapy group. 

Sighing impatiently you made your way to the bleachers of the venue, hoping to be alone until the session started and you could leave.

Fortunately it wasn't long before the leader signaled for everyone to sit in the circle, and you sighed as you stood up. You ended up with one of the chairs on the far left opposite the therapist, which could be bad since he would see you clearly.

"Thank you very much for coming." Said the therapist smiling gently as his gaze roved over everyone in the circle. You kept your gaze on your shoes. He made a noise with his throat. "Who would like to start today?"

The silence lasted for a few seconds, but then someone was speaking. You forced yourself to come back to reality and pay attention.

"[...] and this is my fourth week around here." Said a woman in a leather jacket. You noticed the army lanyard around her neck. She was talking about an accident when you got distracted again. Lightly poking your eye with your finger, you tried to focus again, letting out a low sigh. And then the therapist was talking again.

"We have new faces today." He said and you felt your heart speed up. You absolutely did not want to talk in front of strangers. "Why don't you share with us, miss?"

You raised your gaze to meet that of the therapist, smiling gently at you. The rest of the group looked at you as well. Taking a deep breath, you began to wiggle your fingers on your leg.

"I don't... I've never been in a group." You say clumsily. "What should I say?"

"Whatever you wish to say." He answers with a smile. You swallow the urge to tell him you didn't want to talk at all. Realizing your lack of response, he is quick to add. "Why don't you tell us why you are here?."

You let out a dry laugh. 

"I really didn't have much choice." You retort wryly. The therapist looks slightly surprised, but makes no mention of interrupting you. You let out a sigh before clarifying. "My psychiatrist, she...she didn't approve of my social ratings. She wanted me to talk to other people. People who... went through the same things I did." You count staring at the floor. When you look up again, the group still waits for you to continue, and you sigh, running your hands through your hair. "I haven't... I... I haven't talked to other people outside of my family in six months. Not since..."

You move your head, sniffling slightly as you straighten your posture. The therapist clears his throat.

"You just need to share whatever you are ready to tell us." He says gently, you nod slightly feeling extremely vulnerable. "But remember that this is a safe space. There is nothing to fear here."

And then he is talking about methods of easing the guilt, and dealing with the pain and you were distracted again. You would like to go back to bed. It must have taken a while, but the session is finally over.

The group dispersed around the room, and you went toward the therapist's desk to have him sign your schedule. He smiled as you approached.

"Miss Y/N/L, I was happy to hear that you would be joining us today." He said greeting you with a handshake. You nodded, taking the paper from your pocket. He chuckled, but accepted it. "You know, I'd like you to try to have a partner in the group, it's recommended for cases like yours."

"What do you mean cases like me?" You ask snidely, but he doesn't care.

"Doctor Harkness gave me your chart." He explained as he signed the paper you gave him while you frowned. "Extreme Social Anxiety in the first few months of treatment. Tendency to complete isolation, introverted..."

"Yeah I know my problems, buddy." You interrupt him with irritation. "You don't have to list them for me."

The therapist gives a lopsided chuckle, and holds out the signed paper to you. But he adds with a serious look:

"I'm here to help you, Y/N." He says. "Don't forget that."

You don't respond and take the paper, turning toward the exit. 

//-//

Your week passes slowly and tortuously. Which is surprising because you barely get out of bed. And then it is group therapy day again, and you are making a new crack at your cell phone screen.

Your mother greets you with a pat on the back as you enter the kitchen, and she is walking past you toward her own room.

You know you have to take the subway today, and you are trying not to think about it too much. As you are walking out the door, your eyes pass quickly over your car key, and you think you have a flash of memory, but you shake your head quickly, pushing the thought away. And then you walk forward.

And you are late for the session, because you can't take the bus to the station, since your feet simply didn't obey you. But that's okay, you don't really care.

You weren't the only one who was late. When you went to enter the door, a red-haired woman bumped into you, also running to get in. She smiled slightly as she apologized, and you just made room for her to enter first.

"Sorry Stephen." She said to the therapist as soon as you two entered the gymnasium, "I had an emergency with the kids."

The man just shook his head with a smile, and waved for you both to sit down.

"And why were you late today, miss Y/L/N?" He asked you. You shrugged your shoulders.

"I didn't wanna come." You retorted and the group giggled, and the sudden sound startled you slightly, but you just sat with your arms crossed. 

"Do you want to try again?" He retorted with light humor in his voice. And you bit the inside of your cheeks. And then you looked down at the floor.

"I couldn't get on the bus." You confessed next. Stephen looked at you tenderly, though, and you didn't like the feeling of your chest heaving slightly.

"And why do you think that happened?"

You shrugged, uncomfortable. 

"I don't know. I... There were too many people." You said embarrassed. And then you started twiddling your fingers, feeling all eyes on you. "I just... I knew I'd have to say hello to the driver, and the conductor. And then I would pass strangers in the hallway, and one of them would sit next to me. And I just... I couldn't."

Stephen nodded slightly in agreement.

"It's okay, Y/N. " He stated. "No one is judging you here."

You let out a dry laugh, and Stephen blinks in surprise, which spurs you to explode.

"Everyone is judging me, Doc." You say through gritted teeth, swinging your leg. "It's as if I can hear the gears in people's brains forming opinions about me." You state with a sigh. "Like my mother for example. She...she...acts like I'm past the time of mourning." You explain with tears in your eyes. "Like there's a limit, and I'm extending her goodwill. Because it's been six months, and she doesn't want me to be sad anymore. But guess what? I don't know how to move on!" You state angrily. "I can't! If I don't miss her, what's left for me? If I don't... God, I can't do this."

And you stand up, wiping your tears away, and walk out of the gymnasium, heading for the restrooms. You feel your heart racing, and it's hard to breathe. 

As you rest your hands on the sink, your brain starts to wander back to the day of the accident again. You choke, because it feels like you're sinking again. You see the water rising through the metal of the car. Your hands on the steering wheel, and then on the seat belt. You shake your head, pushing the images away, and rush to turn on the faucet in front of you and pour the water on your face.

You take a deep breath, trying to stop the tears. And then there is someone entering.

"Are you okay?" Stephen asks and you nod lightly, ignoring the trembling in your hands as you stare at him through the reflection of the mirror. "I gave a break to the group, wouldn't you like to walk with me?"

"I'm not good company right now." You grumble but he smiles, nodding slightly as if to repeat the invitation. You take a deep breath before turning around.

You walk silently and slowly to the outside of the gymnasium, and then he is speaking again.

"You were very brave today."  He comments, and you let out a dry laugh. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I panicked today." You say. " It doesn't sound very brave to me."

Stephen smiles guiding you through the gymnasium entrance toward the parking lot.

"You talked about a trauma to a group of people." He says. "That takes a lot of courage, even if you don't believe it."

"I don't believe in anything." You grumble, but Stephen doesn't mind your hostility. He stays with his friendly posture.

"I would like you to accept my request from before." He said after a moment. "About a group partner."

You let out a sigh.

"I don't even know what that means." You retort with slight impatience as you reach the edge of the parking lot. You notice the garden a few feet ahead of you.

"It's like a therapy buddy." He explains with a smile. "We encourage socializing here. That's why Agatha recommended this group to you."

"Oh, of course you do. Agatha is a bitch." You wryly wipe your hands across your face. Stephen laughs lightly. "How does that work anyway? Do I have to hold someone's hand? Exchange friendship bracelets?"

"No, it's much better." He says with a chuckle. "You talk to that person. You exchange experiences with them. You learn to trust somebody else again."

"My god, it looks like a fucking Disney movie." You retort with irritation and Stephen lets out a laugh. And then you let out a sigh, shrugging your shoulders. "Okay, I'll do it. I have nothing to lose, and it seems that neither you nor Agatha will leave me alone if I don't agree."

"We want you to feel better. Don't take this as a punishment." He says, guiding you back to the gym. You nod slightly, thinking that it really does feel like punishment anyway.

//-//

You see Agatha the same week. Your appointments have been switched to monthly meetings instead of weeks as they were at the beginning of treatment, and while you appreciate the familiarity of seeing her, you can't help but feel irritated with her.

"Someone's grumpy." She comments as soon as you sit down on the couch in the room, to which you roll your eyes.

"You are always so very tender, Agatha." You mock as you cross your legs, hoping the time will pass soon.

Agatha laughs lightly, finishing tidying up a few things on her desk. And then she gets up and sits down in the armchair a few feet in front of the sofa where you are, carrying a small notebook in her hands.

"So, why don't you tell me how your your first two sessions in group therapy went?"

You let out a dry laugh.

"Like Stephen didn't tell you everything." You sneer and Agatha just smiles, waiting for you to speak. You let out an impatient sigh, before stating wryly. "It was amazing, doc. It only took two sessions for me to have a panic attack, so thank you for that."

"Why do you think that happened?"

You squeezed your eyes.

"I have no idea." You retorted. "I'm not the doctor here." Agatha laughs lightly, and then opens her notebook and starts writing something. You sigh impatiently. “Really, you're going to start that again?”

"If you don't talk, I write." She states simply, and you roll your eyes, shifting on the couch uncomfortably.

"Agatha, I just... I couldn't get on a bus, okay?" you tell her, and she closes her notebook to look at you attentively. You take a deep breath. "There were a lot of people. I don't mind walking anyway. It helps me think."

"You don't mind walking eight blocks?" She asks with a slight irony. "That's pretty athletic of you."

"It's weird that you know my address off the top of your head." You play lightly, and she just laughs, straightening her posture. 

"Why don't you just tell me what you want to tell me?"

"Why don't you ask me what you want to ask?"

Agatha blinks slightly in surprise, and then she shakes her head slightly, opening her notebook again. You sigh.

"Okay, sorry." You say, and she looks at you for a moment before closing the object again. I... I thought I was drowning again.”

"Are your nightmares back?" She asks seriously, and you deny it with your head.

"I feel too anxious to sleep." You tell. "And then I black out from exhaustion in the night or in the morning. I don't dream anymore."

"Have you been taking your medication?"

You sigh.

"Of course I have."  You say. "I don't... I'm having trouble keeping my mind still. Like the first few months, you know. Everything seems so noisy now."

Agatha nods slightly, becoming thoughtful for a few moments. 

"I know it may sound strange to hear that, but that means you're getting better." She declares and you frown in surprise, then let out a dry laugh.

"How is my peak anxiety a good thing?"

She opens the book again, but before you can ask what you said wrong, she is reading.

"The first day you were here, you said you felt like you were empty." She narrated and you swallowed dryly. "During your first two months, you continued to describe that you felt like an empty shell. And that you no longer had any dreams, thoughts, or opinions. Without your wife, you said you were no longer here."

You felt your eyes fill with water at the mention of her. But you swallowed your emotions. Agatha turned a page, and read for a few seconds, and then looked at you.

"With your history of anxiety, your mind was remarkably quiet after the passing of your wife." She says. "But now that you're on medication, and therapeutic treatment, plus you're socializing even superficially with the world again, you're starting to feel things again. That's progress."

You look away from her, nodding slightly, trying to believe her words, and trying not to be so terrified at the thought of learning to live again. Without Nat.

You choke slightly, holding back a sob, and then Agatha hands you a box of tissues, but you refuse with a nod, wiping away the tears that have slightly escaped.

"What do you want to talk about now?" She asks after a moment. You take a deep breath, still trying to calm yourself.

"Last week I took a cold bath." You count. "It was snowing."

Agatha blinks in surprise at the information and then lets out a giggle.

"You want me to write it in the book don't you?"

You laugh, wiping away the last of the insistent tears. You just hope Agatha could help you.

//-//

You hate coffee. But you barely slept last night, and now you need to stay awake during the group meeting, so instead of walking to the chair in the corner like you used to, you detour your way to the food and beverage table as soon as you arrive at the gym.

There are a few members around, but you don't look at them, just sidestepping as you extend your arm to the coffee bottle. You pour some, and as you touch the cup, you notice. It's cold.

"Hey sorry about that." Said a girl you thought was named Val or something, as soon as she saw you touching the cup. "We mixed up the shifts yesterday and nobody made new coffee."

You rolled your eyes, picking up the cup and throwing it in the trash. Then you forced a wry smile on the girl and walked outside. 

It was cold, but you are boiling with rage. It was just a damn cup of coffee, you thought as you closed your eyes and tried to reduce your anger. Just coffee. 

You stumbled with fright when Stephen called out to you.

"We'll get started in a minute." He said looking at you curiously. You just nodded, following him after a few seconds.

You bit the inside of your cheek when you noticed the same coffee girl as before, now sitting where you usually sat. The universe was testing you today. 

You just sighed, twiddling your fingers inside your pocket, and walked over to one of the free chairs.

After Stephen gave the briefing, he asked if everyone was all right, and the group lied in unison. You were almost asleep when he called your name.

"I would like to choose your partner today." He says and you feel your heart racing as you straighten your posture. "But I want to know if you have any preferences."

You blink in confusion, and roll your eyes.

"I don't know anyone here, but I'm sure they will all hate me equally, doc." You tried to joke, but Stephen only looked at you with concern.

"No one does or will hate you." He says and you swallow dryly, looking away as you mumble that it was just a joke. Stephen pauses momentarily before continuing. "You know that everyone here has their own experiences of loss and they are unique in their own way, even if they have similarities." He begins and you just wish he would speak soon who your partner is at once. "Usually we don't put new members together, but with the release of one of our members, the number ended up getting odd." He explains. "Anyway, I'm sure you and Mrs. Maximoff will get along very well together."

You frowned slightly at the whole explanation. Then you looked around the group, and realized that this Maximoff woman was the late redhead from the previous session who looked at you curiously. You looked away from her to Stephen.

"Thank you, doc." You said with a slight irony and Stephen just nodded smiling.

"Partners are grieving companions ladies." He says. "We will assess your progress at each session, and then switch partners once the necessary improvement has been achieved."

You grumbled in understanding, and looked away to your lap. When Stephen began to ask about the stories, your mind wandered to the departure time.

And when the session was over you wished you could go to sleep. But Stephen made a slight movement of his head in Maximoff's direction, and you understood that you should talk to her.

Ignoring the urge to show Stephen the middle finger, you just sighed as you got up from your chair and lazily walked over to the woman at the exit. She was talking to a man, and you were even more anxious to address not one, but two strangers.

"Hi." You greeted awkwardly, and both of them turned to you with mild curiosity. 

"Hey, you're Y/N, right?" Said the man with a smile as he held out his hand to you. "I'm Bucky. James Barnes actually, but everyone calls me Bucky." He said and you shook his hand, smiling awkwardly. Then he quickly pointed at the woman.  "And this is Wanda Maximoff, your grief partner."

"Hi." Wanda said shyly as she offered her hand to greet you. You accepted as clumsily as she did.

"Sorry, I don't know how this works." You say. "Should we exchange numbers or something? Or is that just a therapy thing?"

Bucky gives a little chuckle.

"Oh believe me, they'll know if you're not making it work." He counters. "My first partner was Sam Wilson and we wanted to jump on each other's necks whenever we saw each other. And then Stephen asked us to move in together." He says and you blink in surprise. "We're married now, but that's not the point. I guess I'm getting off topic..."

"Bucky." Wanda interrupts with a smile, and he smiles half-heartedly as well. You frown, annoyed by Bucky's story. You didn't want to marry anyone. "I guess we'll make it work, I hope you don't mind having the company of two tiny restless creatures on our walks."

You look at her with confusion and then you understand, smiling shyly.

"No, it's okay." You say. "I like children."

"Really?" She asks in surprise.

You nod slightly. "Unlike adults, they tell the truth."

Wanda seemed to be thoughtful, but then Bucky lets out an exclamation.

"As group guide, I have to pass the to-do list to you ladies." He says pulling a small notebook from the back pocket of his pants. He pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to Wanda. "Partners need to develop these habits of socializing and coping with grief together. And yes, there is a test."

You sigh impatiently, tucking a loose string behind your ear. 

"That sounds fun." You mock lightly making them smile. 

"Anyway, good luck to you two." He says tenderly. "And Wanda, call me if you need help with Tommy. I know a good therapist."

You frown slightly, not understanding what he is referring to, but you prefer to stay out of matters that are none of your business. And then Bucky kisses Wanda on the cheek in farewell and waves to you smiling before leaving. You switch foot weights when you are alone with Wanda. Talking to other people is not exactly your strong suit these past few months.

"So..." You start clumsily when she turns to you. 

"So." She repeats equally embarrassed. You then clear your throat and rush to pull your cell phone out of your pocket and hand it to her.

"Give me your number." You say. "That way we can arrange...whatever this is." 

Wanda smiles weakly as she accepts the device, and you ignore the curious look when she notices the cracks in the screen. A moment later she hands the cell phone back to you.

"I gotta go." She says. "I need to pick up my kids from school."

You nod slightly and force a smile to say goodbye, and Wanda copies your movement before leaving.

You stare at your cell phone next, noticing the slight anxiety in your stomach as you read the contact "Wanda Maximoff" on the screen.

//-//

By the weekend, you are miserable. Just like the first few months.

You spilled some tea under your bed, and when you went to clean it up, you ended up taking the objects that were lying there. And then you found a crumpled piece of paper.

It was your farewell speech. The words you wrote down to speak on the day of the funeral. The paper you pulled out of your pocket when you got home from the ceremony and probably fell under the bed when you collapsed on the floor from crying so hard.

Suddenly your chest tightened and you couldn't breathe. But you didn't want your mother to worry, so you concentrated on remembering the exercises your therapist had taught you.

And when the room started to get too small, you left.

But because it was cold and rainy, you had just taken a hot shower and had decided to brew tea before you finished putting on a sweater, you had bent down to pick up your socks, and the liquid fell on the floor. 

You went outside without your shoes, and your mother let out a worried exclamation when she saw you standing outside, staring at nothing.

"Honey?" She asked walking out the door after seeing you through the kitchen window. "Honey, what is it?"

You didn't answer. Your face was wet. Your mother's hands wrapped around your shoulders, and she gently pushed you inside, worried that you would end up getting hypothermia.

"I'm fine." You gasped as she led you inside, but she just shook her head. "I'm fine."

"No, honey." She retorted making you frown. "You're not."

"Mom."

"Sit down." 

And then there were blankets around you, and socks on your feet. And your mother was in the kitchen, on the phone, but everything seemed stuffy. You began to be absent again. Thousands of memories flashing through your eyes.

An image of yourself on that living room floor, laughing while your girlfriend had her arms wrapped around you. Your mother was pouring a glass of wine for each of you, and you were happy to tell her about your engagement.

Then an image of you running across the room, trying to dodge the tickles your father tickled you while you laughed.

Then a puppy in your hands on the floor. You looked at it fondly, laughing at how cute it looked. 

Looking down, you saw a hand on your thigh. It was your wife's, the ring on her finger. She smiled at you. You were happy because that was the day you told your mother about the house purchase.

You gasped slightly when you felt someone's hand on your shoulder suddenly.

"I need you to tell me three things you can see." It was Agatha. God, you should have been out of reaction long enough for her to get here. Wiping away your tears, you took a deep breath, trying to reason straight.

"I... I..." You started, but your brain didn't seem to obey you. You took another deep breath. You could see the carpet, so you told her so.

"Two more." Agatha asked tenderly, her hand caressing your back from top to bottom. 

"The... table." You replied crying. "I can see the table."

"That's right, honey." She said. "Just one more now. Tell me what else?"

"My feet." You add breathlessly. "I can see my feet."

"Now breathe with me, okay?" She asks. "Like I taught you."

The exercises help you to calm down again. You apologize for scaring your mother, and for making Agatha drive to your house, but neither of them is upset with you. You feel exhausted, but the doctor wants to talk to you after she accepts the cup of coffee your mother offers her.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" She asks as you sit on the covered porch, fluffy pillows around you.

You lower your gaze to the floor, sniffling lightly.

"I found my grief speech." You count. "Under my bed. The next minute I was outside."

Agatha sighs.

"You ready to talk about the accident."

You raise your eyes quickly, frowning, because it wasn't a question.

"W-what?"

She takes a deep breath, crossing her legs.

"It's suffocating you." She clarifies. "You need to talk or these attacks will happen again."

"I-I don't..."

"It won't be today." She interrupts with a tender smile. "Tonight you need to sleep. But we won't prolong this any longer. You need to talk about it, even if it’s only to scream."

Clenching your jaw, you hold back your tears as Agatha takes one last look at you before getting up. She murmurs that she will see you on Monday, but you don't look at her.

//-//

You don't sleep well on Sunday. And it's definitely because you can't stop thinking about your appointment.

And it goes well for the first twenty minutes. Agatha doesn't pressure you, and agrees to hear about your week, without mentioning the incident on Thursday.

There is a pause after you have told her about the dog barking noise in the early morning and then you know it is time to speak up.

"I was driving." You say softly suddenly, ignoring the feeling that your throat wants to close up. Agatha has her hands folded in her lap as she listens to you. "She...she was sleeping in the passenger seat." You swallow dryly, trying to count and not get caught up in the memory again, your heart racing. Talking is almost like going back there. "I looked at her for a moment and I got distracted... and then... we just..."

You only realize that you are crying because tears fall on your hand. You blink, sniffling. Taking a deep breath, you continue.

"We fell into the water, and Nat...she just...I couldn't get her belt off." You gasp breathlessly. "The water just...kept coming up around us. And she looked at me, and... she just shook her head like she knew what was going to happen." You tell between sobs. Agatha's eyes water, but she doesn't interrupt. "I just...she pushed me. She pushed my hands away and she told me she would follow me. And god... my dumb brain believed her!" You confess angrily. "She told me she was right behind me! And I swam out and when I came up she wasn't with me."

You shut up, not being able to tell anymore through the sobs. You can't even see the office clearly because of the tears.

It takes a moment for you to speak again, your head down.

"When I swam back, the car was completely covered with water everywhere" You recount. "I...I was going to dive again.... I wanted to get her out of there. But the people who saw the accident jumped in after us. And they pulled me out of the water. And I kept thinking that if I hadn't been distracted, she...she would be...."

"No." Agatha interrupts by offering you a tissue. "Natasha had a stomach injury, don't you remember?" She counters and you gasp, the words echoing in your brain. "That's why you couldn't remove the belt."

And then you were remembering clearly now.

Soft music echoed in the car as you hummed the tune and drove to your friends' house. Your wife mumbled softly beside you, making you smile as you watched the sleeping figure. The red hair in front of her face.

"Hey sleepyhead." You called softly, looking away from the track for a moment. "We're almost there."

Nat muttered in agreement. You bit your lip, thinking she looked beautiful. And then you heard a noise, and a white light in the window. You barely had time to frown when the impact threw your car off the road.

Your body tensed immediately as you sat up, looking around with desperation. The car was sinking fast and you turned to Nat.

A wound on her forehead was bleeding, and she was clearly disoriented as you touched her hands. You hurried to unbuckle her belt, but it was jammed tightly in her waist, and you gasped in shock at the wound.

"N-no." You grumbled, trying to move the metal, but Nat gasped in pain, pushing your hands away. You could barely breathe in desperation. Your feet were freezing, because the water was already at your ankles. "Babe, move please. We have to get out."

Nat advanced toward you, taking off your belt. You tried to touch her, but she pushed your hands away again, intending to guide you out.

" Sweetheart, go! Open the door! " she commanded and you shook your head, the water on your knees. Nat forced a smile, the tears in her eyes made your stomach turn. "Don't worry love. I'm right behind you."

As you opened the door, the water moved all the way into the car, and you held your breath Nat repeated the words "I'm right behind you" one more time. And then you swam out.

When you reached the surface, you were alone.

Sobbing, you couldn't say anything else to Agatha, and she proceeded to stroke your back, trying to soothe you with words of affirmation.

"I need you to remember some things honey." She says tenderly. "You couldn't have helped Natasha. She got stuck. You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened." Agatha whispers to you, and you sob. "Remember the investigation, okay? The police said that the driver of the truck was drunk and hit your car after he fell asleep. It wasn't your fault." Agatha says trying to remind you. You gasp, countless memories flooding your head at once. "Say that for me, will you?" She asks and you gasp. "Tell me it wasn't your fault."

You sob, burying your face in your hands. It takes a moment, but you repeat the words.

"It wasn't my fault." You whisper breathlessly. "It...it wasn't my fault."

When you leave therapy that day, you feel different.

You think that it is the healing process that is beginning to work. You still have a long way to go, but you have the feeling that a weight has been lifted off your back, because you have started to believe your own words. You could not have saved Natasha.

There is still a deep sadness in you, but you still buy your favorite drink on the way home, and try to stay in the living room for a few hours before going to your room when you are inside.

#wanda maximoff #wandaxreader #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda imagine #wanda imagines #sorry for your lost #wandaxyou

[madcatdaderpydrawer-blog]

Hello! I heard you were wanting requests for lee!Mooncake and I've been wanting to request people exactly that, so so SO! Mmmm I'm nervous but I like the idea of maybeee a fanfic with the Glamrocks ganging up on him and tickling the heck out of him as like, a punishment or something 8DDDD Also! Another fanfic idea of him going to Parts & Services for a sensory checkup thing, so to do that some staff restrain him (sfw obviously!) and tickle him everywhere >U< I have other ideas if you're interested, but those are my favorites 8DDD Sorry I'm super nervous ehehe fghfhgdhsfdf Thank youuuu!!! <333333

Okay I wanna acknowledge this one just so I don't forget. I'll probably put it under a new tag, like ideas, so I can go back and use it once I clear up my drafts- I already have a couple of stories in my drafts and don't want to start too many new stories before I do those X3 So feel free to send more, even if I don't do it immediately I will be able to keep better track of it then.

That being said, your first idea honestly made me think of some headcanons that hopefully you'll like ^^

I can see Freddy calling like a team meeting, besides for human staff of course, and only vaguely said that it was in regard to the daycare attendants. Moon was immediately nervous but couldn't think of anything he did wrong. Time of the meeting comes up, and Freddy immediately clarifies that they aren't in trouble, they just heard a lot of sounds while passing by the daycare and were worried about if they were alright.

Sun immediately knew what he was referring to when he described it as "squeaky", and before Moon could come up with an excuse Sun just said "Oh, I was just tickling Moon." And Moon didn't know whether or not he wanted to kill Sun or sink into the floor out of embarrassment. The reactions varied: Roxy and Monty were in the camp of "Wait, you're ticklish?" Monty found it hilarious for one of the higher level security bots to be ticklish of all things, and Roxy was just massively confused. Either way it ended with both of them teasing him, and Monty probably picking him up to poke him. Sun helpfully supplied that he is ticklish to make the kids less scared of him, to the point where he's way more sensitive then Sun, and his laugh involves squeaks.

Hearing that, Chica got massively excited finding that idea adorable. Freddy and Chica were generally in the boat of "That's insanely adorable". Of course they wanted to respect his privacy and so weren't as nosy as the others, but they did find it really cute which somehow was worse because he hates being called cute.

In regards to your second idea.. I think you might like this audio, it's pretty similar to what you described and enfefe It's really cute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XId9swi3Q4Y&t=299s

#fnaf moon #moondrop #daycare attendant #fnaf sun #sunrise #sundrop #fnaf security breach #fnaf roxanne #fnaf glamrock freddy #fnaf glamrock chica #fnaf monty #lee!moondrop #sunny spilled the beans and moon wants to curl up and die #ideas

[merihn]

hey, i hope you don't mind me sending this, i just feel like i need to talk about this. i'm writing my first bit of smut for the jatp for smut week on monday, and i'm nearly finished. it's kind of exciting but also making me nervous because i know there's been a lot of bad stuff in the fandom about smut. but i really want to write it and share it with people so i'm trying to focus on how many awesome writers there are that include smut in their work and ignore everything else. because i'm guessing the people who write it won't mind reading it, right?

sorry, this is a bit more of a stream of thoughts than an ask so you don't have to answer it. i just don't really have anyone to talk to about this. and i am super excited and pleased with myself because i've almost got to the end and i've written it all in two days, which is amazing for me. but i wish i could be happy about that without worrying about the other stuff, that's all

Of course I don't mind! I'm quite flattered you thought of me 😊

This fandom is ridiculous about smut and I just... I really don't understand it. I've said it before but it bears repeating: I've been in plenty of child/teen/young adult aimed media fandoms and I've never come across the hate that this fandom has for smut. I mean, I started in Harry Potter back when I was 13 and the crazy shit I read in that would make this fandom's heads explode. Like, there was SO much smut and even, *gasp* adult/teen smut.... like, SO MUCH. And we didn't have the warnings and tags back then that we have now so you were basically just going in blind and hoping for the best. At least now you have the option of excluding entire tags and ratings if that's what you want to do. You're not scrounging through weird archives and websites for random fics and just hoping for the best.

Nowadays people have so much control over their fandom experience and it really pisses me off that these people are trying to control everyone else's fandom experience too. I know that it's been happening in various forms since fandom began but this really feels different and more full on than anything else I've experienced. But it's also true that previous fandom venues have been very different to Tumblr. It was sort of harder to see a lot of the shit back on livejournal because someone had to either link you to it or you had to go looking for it. On tumblr you see a lot more stuff just floating around because of the nature of the website. I think it was easier for me to not see or engage in back in the day.

But these people really need to get it in their heads that everyone engages in fandom differently and that if they don't like something, they should just ignore it. I do it all the time. I don't sit around and complain (in the open lol) that there is SO much J*ke fic in this fandom and that they're so often a secondary pairing which means it really cuts down on the amount of fic I can read. I just move on. I don't ship it, but I'm not trying to make that anyone else's problem (to clarify, I love them on the show but I don't wanna read about it. To me, fandom is exploring where canon leaves off -- though, hypocritically, I really love Willex, but there are SO many fics of them I can't read bc of background J*ke). I will complain about it to my friends because that's what you do. You keep it private, because it's a personal opinion.

You don't have to like smut. Plenty of people don't. But you don't get to tell other people that they're not allowed to like it or write it, and you don't get to call people p*dos for writing it. It's plain wrong and disgusting. And I've seen some people justify writing smut in this fandom by saying they've aged up the characters but I think that's kind of close to pandering to those purists. Teenagers have sex. Whether you like it or not, they do. And a lot of people like to explore their characters/relationships through sex, or just write smut because smut is fun! It doesn't have to mean something, and it doesn't have to be epic to justify it's existence. People have sex and also like to write about it.

Ahhh, sorry. This ended up being a damn essay. I guess I had a lot more feelings about this than I thought I did.

I think there are plenty of people in this fandom that like smut, and I personally know some who do but are scared to publicly say anything because of how full on the anti's are. Which is really sad. I know I was scared to post my first smut, and I actually wrote like three different fics before I finally gathered the courage to post my first one, so I'm not bashing anyone for not doing it, or even admitting to liking it. 💜💜💜

You're always welcome to message me if you want someone to talk about this stuff with, and if you need another pair of eyes on your fic for this week, I'm happy to take a look. As I always say, I'm not much of a beta but I can make suggestions and do a spelling/punctuation sweep 😊

I still worry every time I post smut, but I haven't gotten any hate for it, so hopefully that means most of the purists have either blocked me or just don't give a shit about me. Either works for me.

Last thought: fandom should be FUN. Stop trying to control other people and just have fun.

#sorry this took me so long to answer #I wanted to think about it a bit first and wake up properly #idk if it even makes sense but hopefully it does #hopefully it's not all completely disconnected and random and rambly #well I know it's rambly but still #but I mean it please message me if you want to talk about this more #or if you'd like me to look at your fic #I mean I really should concentrate on my own fics bc I still have two to finish and a whole one to write #but whatever #fandom #fanfiction #writing #discourse tm #anonymous #jatp

[jieanette]

Reading back on my Tatsumaya rant, I think I may come off as a little standoffish.

Kinda wanna explain why I was aggressive about it.

Shipping is my form of self-expression and I used it often to make stories and develop characters. Whether that ship is romantic or platonic. I also have experience in feeling absolutely guilty from shipping characters (it's mostly my reaction, though). So seeing people hating on the shippers triggered me. I don't like people being aggressive towards ships because I don't like seeing people feel ashamed about it, being ashamed of doing something you love is a bad place to be in from my experience. And I don't want people to feel bad as I did, so I went off with my rant.

While I stand by with what I said in there, I won't stand by with how I go about it, especially that off handed comment about t@tsuj*n shippers which probably sounds mean.

If you ship Tatsumaya, that's fine! I don't see much wrong about it and honestly, I've seen worse. As long as you don't be aggressive towards non-shippers, I don't care about it. I'm more of a Tatsunao shipper, if anything. I'm not gonna come to your house and attack you for shipping something I don't agree with lmao

If you don't ship Tatsumaya, that's fine too! I could see how it may make others feel uncomfortable. As long as you don't be aggressive towards shippers, I don't care for it. I've seen a lot of people be aggressive towards shippers and I think you should just avoid the ship all together (like I did with t@tsuj*n).

Honestly I think all will be well if non shippers and shippers avoid each other at all costs.

I'm deleting my rant after this btw. I'm not proud of how I go about it. I'm sorry to those who saw my rant and feel uncomfortable with it. Felt really bad looking back.

Closing thoughts, just do whatever makes you feel happy, as long as you don't make others uncomfortable, tag it so that others won't see it or be all weird about it.

(Edit: I wanna clarify that I didn't get any backlash to warrant this post, I just feel bad for being aggressive with my last rant.)

[ftm-radio]

hey. i just wanted to say i like your blog and i feel weird about being transmasc. not having a name picked out makes me feel isolated from myself? i feel weird and alone. being closeted feels alone.

hello! 🖤

I talk a lot (like, so much) when I'm typing, so I'm putting my response under a cut. hope it's not too much of a bother. ✌🏻

maybe I should try and limit my word count for these.........

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I understand how weird it can feel, even after a year and a half of knowing & accepting my own transness. sometimes I think about it or suddenly remember, and it catches me off guard. it's different, and when you go years and years having one idea about yourself, realizing that that idea isn't quite right is definitely a weird feeling.

now, it feels weird, because of the world we grew up in where you're assumed cis and never really told that there are other possibilities, but being trans masc isn't weird in and of itself. it's just different. and because it's different, it takes some getting used to. I don't know how long you've known, but I think it's safe to say that with time, the weirdness you feel will pass.

I wish I could do more to help your loneliness, but I can at least tell you this: you're not alone, not really. you're not the only trans masc out in this big ol' world. you found my blog, you found me. if you have your own blog here, you'll find plenty more of us. for now we might just be voices in the distance, but we're here, we're real, and you'll keep meeting more and more of us, and some will be a lot closer to home. I hope that can be some small comfort for you.

as far as names go, this is something I've said here a few times: choosing or finding your name doesn't have to be a big, scary boss battle on the quest to find your identity. it's okay to tell yourself not to worry about it quite so much.

it sounds like your name is important to you, and I'm not trying to change your mind on that or snatch that away from you. I just also want you to know that not knowing your name doesn't mean you don't know yourself. you're you no matter what, and your name (or names! have as many as you want!) can just be way to describe yourself. not having the right name only means you're missing the little tag that conveniently labels the package of everything that's you—your likes and dislikes, your history, your future, your dreams, your plans, everything. you still have all of that, name or not.

you might be feeling lost without a name, might be feeling the pressure of gotta get the right one, but it's okay. you're okay.

and being closeted is a lonely feeling, you're not wrong about that. I told some people almost as soon as I figured it out—a few friends and my mom—but i was closeted to my dad and all my siblings for about four months, along with pretty much everyone in my college classes for even longer than that. and it definitely really kinda sucked at times. (actually I'm closeted to some of my more distant relatives even now, a year and a half later, and it's Not Great at times...)

anyway, what I'm saying is that being in the closet is gonna keep being lonely for a bit. it's unfortunate but inevitable when you can't be your whole self with the people around you. but you won't be in there all the time forever. when you're ready, when you're safe, when you want to, you can come out. and until then, you can be yourself here, whether it's in my inbox or on tumblr/the internet in general. :)

apologies if this is jumpy and incoherent, I've started and stopped typing numerous times, and I'm afraid to go back and try to clarify everything since I'll probably triple the word count lmao. if you wanna send more asks for clarification or just to say hey, feel free. I hope my rambles can be helpful to you. 😊🖤

#ftm radio #listener call in #anon #ask #trans #transgender #ftm #nonbinary trans guy #trans enby #trans guy #afab #enby trans man #trans masc #trans man #trans masculine #trans nonbinary #nonbinary man #closeted #in the closet #trans angst