#also s7 is good i can just make it great okay
saw someone make a comment about how “there’s no proof sam winchester isn’t straight!!” and it made me realize how new this side of spn tumblr is to bi/pan/nonbinary/queer sam. the history of it, the evidence for it, and most importantly...how fun it can be!!
as someone who’s been in the trenches in both the samgirl/desticule side of tumblr over the years I thought it’d be fun to share some LGBT Sam Winchester History (Herstory? Theirstory?) for anyone new to queer sam headcanons (and canon) but still interested!
sam winchester: COULD he be any gayer??
disclaimer: it’s okay if you didn’t know these things before! a lot of destiel shippers got into supernatural for destiel. that’s not and shouldn’t be controversial? joining spn tumblr doesn’t come with a welcome pamphlet and it’s a show with 300+ episodes. people shouldn’t be expected to have analyzed every aspect of it and know every behind-the-scenes fact. people are STILL discovering new details even in 2021. this is not a “why isn’t anyone talking about this??” post (I hate those posts) but hopefully a "queer sam for newbies.”
writer and s6-s7 showrunner sera gamble supported a MLM reading of sam as early as s2, revealed in the commentary for the episode “bloodlust”. in the episode, sam has a flirtatious exchange with the bartender eli (coincidentally played by ty olsson, later known for playing benny.) however it’s implied that gamble was shut down as robert singer referred to her queer sam headcanons as nothing more than “sick twisted fantasies”
while this is the only known and confirmed instance of fully intentional queer subtext (similar to dean’s moment with aaron in S8) there have been a few other questionable exchanges with sam and men on cases, i.e. patrick the gambler witch from 5x07 or paul the bartender from 5x17 (both featured in this great gifset). notably, both most instances including these two happen in episodes by gamble.
(sidenote: there’s theories that the main character on sera gamble’s The Magicians is VERY similar to sam and this was sorta her way of having a queer sam-esque character. it is a good show, just know it does NOT end happy for the character in question. the character of quentin doesn’t use any specific labels but is in relationships with men and women in the show all while being a floppy-haired, bookish but powerful nerd just like sam!)
while sam has interacted with both male and female crossroads demon, he has ONLY summoned male ones on his own (check my own breakdown of the history of crossroads demon gender on the show)
sam refers to past/potential love interests with gender neutral pronouns (examples). his actor has also done this in the past when referring to sam's relationships.
he understands terms used in the gay community, i.e. fifth base
some of the fun evidence we use for trans!dean (i.e. the photo ID that says “F” for birth sex) has also happened to sam!
his reaction to seeing a shirtless man in bed
brady is referred to as sam’s demon lover and crowley implies that the two have "history.” I’d compare the popularity of sambrady in the sam fandom to deanlee in the destiel fandom; it’s generally headcanoned that there was indeed a complicated, college relationship there that becomes even more complicated when a demon possesses him. it wouldn’t be the only past love interest of sam’s to be possessed by a demon either.
when dean makes jokes like “could you be anymore gay?” sam actually looks pensive like “huh? COULD I be?” this is very much how I would respond to this kind of joke if my roommates made it and we are LITERALLY all queer
he owned a purple dog shirt...is that straight behavior to you.
he had an imaginary friend as a kid (sully my beloved) with some light queercoding of his own i.e. rainbow suspenders. sully encouraged him to love himself and to not listen to/be like his family
dean has literally microaggressed sam 10x more than sam has microaggressed dean. I would literally go sleep with a guy just to spite him after the 60th comment.
in general, sam’s story is just...queercoded af. “son is treated as wrong and a freak by his father until he leave home at the age of eighteen?” that’s queer baby!! and I get it, I too moved to college in a state I knew my family would never visit as soon as I could!! alexa play The Village by Wrabel.
and lastly but most important (and I say this as a bi!dean truther because helloooo look at my blog)...at no point has sam ever said he is straight. dean has said they are (“we don’t swing that way” in response to victor henrickson) but sam never said anything regarding his sexuality.
are you into the idea of queer sam but don’t know where to start? here are some of my favorite arguments for the different readings along with some personal interpretations and headcanons!
why I think bi/pan/queer/labelless sam is sexy:
saileen, samruby and samjess all feel like bi4bi couples let’s be real here
demon lover brady could’ve actually been his demon lover! the trauma of your college boyfriend / probably first gay experience being a monster used against you??? lifelong disorders! it also wouldn’t be the first time a demon possessed a former sam love interest.
sam’s not hung-up on any of the things dean is hung-up on. labels or orientations, he’s always been open to all of it. just like how sam can listen to a celine dion album or drink “vegetable water” without thinking twice about it. to me, it’s all about how sam has always been comfortable with his sexuality and it not being a big deal for him, and dean just...hasn’t lol.
sexualty is a spectrum! sam can still prefer women and in fact has excellent taste in them (have you seen his girlfriends? have you? this may be the samcoding talking...)
while the majority of queer sam fans ship with him with castiel (and who can blame them, it’s CAS) there’s other cute boyfriends out there for him too:
max banes, the cool and canonically queer witch from s12. in their first scene together, he defends sam from a stranger asking about his trauma! a man that respects sam’s boundaries? sexy af. also witch!sam and max banes?? sexy af. in general there was so much more the show could’ve and should’ve done with the banes twins, and exploring that through sam’s pov would’ve been fascinating because you know he would try to help max & alicia and understand why he did what he did!
mick davies, aka sam’s “nerd soulmate” as dean refers to him. sam and mick get each other and bond over their love of learning and making the world of hunting a better place! mick even turns against the BMOL to side with them (but unfortunately dies before that can be realized.) oh, society if mick was resurrected instead of ketch and got to be nerdy bfs with sam...
one episode-icons patrick the witch (what’s it with sam and witches amiright), paul (my personal beloved) and brady the demon and/or human (a given)
crowley! while its peak popularity was probably pre-samwena and the drowley summer of love, the samcrowley fandom (formerly known as "moosely" now usually referred to as "cram") is STILL alive and kickin’. they even have cram mondays now!
and can’t forget ol’ gabriel the archangel. sabriel is a classic “opposites attract” pairing that’s existed ever since sam puppy-dog eyed his way out of a timeloop and you know what? for good reason. two words: height differences.
sam being an ally isn’t nearly as fun to me as sam being out for years and just waiting for his idiot brother to catch up so he can get the stick out of his ass so he can then list of a list of microaggressions dean has made over the years. I think he deserves it.
why I think gay sam is sexy
this post is basically the gay sam manifesto so I’m stealing from there but
basically there are multiple instances where a girl comes onto sam and he very harshly rejects them (i.e. the iconic “I’m lactose intolerant”) and I think it’s funny okay. I love you gay sammy.
why I think nonbinary/he & they sam is sexy:
again, the whole “not hung up on labels” thing. sam using gender neutral pronouns for his past relationships means it makes total sense for them to also refer to themselves with gender neutral pronouns.
a lot of sam’s journey on the show is about their body autonomy and lack thereof (and whatever mother mother was singing about in “body” and ajj in “body terror song”) to me, trans/nonbinary sam is just him reclaiming their body and making it their own again. a chance to heal and be confident in their identity and sense of self.
sam/sammy is literally the perfect nonbinary name!! they struck the gender neutral name LOTTERY I’m so goddamn jealous
long hair, don’t care! nonbinary people have the freedom to mix & match whatever gender expressions they want because they owe no one androgyny. I love the idea that sam’s always been into having more traditionally feminine hair that’s it’s become part of their identity, and one of the most iconic aspects of their character, while dressing and presenting traditionally masculine otherwise.
sam’s actor has vocally supported it he/they sam headcanons! am I a fan of his? of course not! does it still matter just as much as jensen saying dean’s side of the confession is open to all interpretation? yes! actors do not make and cannot make anything canon, but being supportive of it IS still nice and encouraging! can you imagine if misha hadn’t been so open to queer readings of cas? can you imagine if his support was taken away from you? it’d suck!
I’m samcoded and also a they/them, so like...they/them solidarity I guess????
why I think trans!masc sam is sexy:
see less love for this but so far every FTM Sam fic I’ve read has made me cry so that’s gotta be something right
speaking of “makes me cry”, THIS TRANS SAM COMIC BY @kimodraw MAKES ME FULL-ON SOB PLEASE READ IT
there’s lots of interesting show details that could be used as evidence just like trans!dean headcanons (sam being called “samantha” in mostly derogatory manners being deadnaming, the F on his ID that one time, etc.)
sam going from Baby Boy to Buff AF? that’s just the T!
sam + cahartt hoodie = transmasc swag
the john, sam and dean dynamic is only intensified if he was seen as the precious daughter that must be protected (and not as a living person) and adds even more layers when sam return to the family as a man
there is also something compelling about sam becoming a man in a family with such a warped view of masculinity & wanting to redefine the definition of a “man” for himself
as far as headcanons, this post has so many beautiful headcanons of sam growing up trans
sam coming to embrace who he is in college, jess being openly supportive of sam as soon as he comes out, jess joining sam on his appointment to get his top surgery, jess proudly loving her boyfriend as the man he’s grown to become...goddamn it I’m crying again...
why trans!femme sam is sexy (bonus points if it’s trans!lesbian sam):
update: I have been leaning away from this and think this post explains it well (thanks queersamofficial for sharing) but would love to hear from trans!femme fans who want to talk about it! in general, this is a very fanon-heavy interpretation (similar to witch!sam) and think it’s important to know that. tho I always support more trans headcanons over cisswaps/genderbends.
since this is the masterpost tho...all you DO need to know is that sam winchester is very popular with the lesbian spn fan community (science cannot explain this) and there are storylines and moments that I think resonate with sapphic fans similar to how dean resonates with trans!masc fans and cas resonates with ace/demi fans. I even made a post about one. would love to hear people talk about it!
anyways, if you are a fan of trans!femme sam...
known lesbian icon velma from scooby-doo having a crush on sam when they first meet? well...
trans!femme AND witch!sam? best combination known to man, the POWER that has, the IMPACT that has---
trans!femme divorcing herself from not only her old self but her family’s obsession with toxic masculinity? *chef’s kiss*
bonus trans!sam: stream thee t4t samruby post
why I think aro!sam is sexy
sam always associated a “good life” with having a girlfriend or wife, but aro!sam comes to realize he doesn’t need that to be happy. his happy ending can look a lot of different ways.
...tho aro saileen and samruby does compel me
I don’t have much to offer in the asexual!sam departments, BUT my inbox is open to anyone passionate about it who want to talk about it (or anyone who has anything to add here!!)
counter arguments I’ve gotten sometimes:
"___ and ___” was clearly just a homophobic/misogynistic/joke, not evidence of anything
I mean I could say the same for 75% of bisexual dean and destiel evidence so. I approach LGBT sam the way trans!dean fans approach that interpretation (which I also love): taking what was nothing more than a shitty joke from cishet men and turning it into something beautiful that you can relate to and see yourself in instead.
"j*red is the straightest/most homophobic man alive I refuse to see any character he plays as queer”
yo I hate that guy and you should too. luckily these characters are fictional and you don’t need to like the actor to enjoy a character. in fact, actors shouldn’t exist at all anymore I think. I like headcanoning his character as queer/trans just to spite him even. while his actor may have kept him from being the queer icon he deserved to be, the writing (and most importantly the writer’s support) was there.
this is just a made-up version of sam that lives in your head :/
well, yeah? while there is canon evidence for some of these especially the bi!sam truthing, sometimes headcanons are just fanon...and that’s okay! the canon version of the show ended with dean a dead “heterosexual” alcoholic and sam married to some random woman we know nothing about it. what’s wrong with imagining a better more satisfying ending and story for these characters? also, if you think the differences between fanon sam and canon sam are bad you should see the differences between fanon dean and canon dean.
final argument: what queer!sam adds to destiel because they can (and should!) coexist!
“but wouldn’t have sam figured out that dean was lgbt if he was also lgbt?” no? one, there’s a LOT about dean that sam doesn’t know and that’s a major reoccurring theme (especially since dean is a parent figure to him in addition to an older brother). two, even then how do you ever know for sure? my “token straight friend” made jokes for YEARSSSS about her lady crushes and we never took them seriously since she said it was just her being comfortable in her sexuality. guess who came out as bi the past year?
“I’ve been out since Standford” Sam can judge dean for still being hung up on his outdated ideas of masculinity, sexuality, etc. (which he does anyways! now he just has more reason to!)
all of TFW and their friends being LGBT only makes sense because gay people tend to flock to each other like magnets!! science cannot explain this!! all but one of my friends I knew in high school / college has since come out as something!! even one we joked was the token straight realized they were bi this year!! another thinks they might be ace! it never stops!!!
the impala is basically now just the “down with cis” car
the chaos of sam and cas’s friendship is not only explained if they’re both queer but ELEVATED
jack gets THREE gay dads!! the literal dream
when dean does come out, he still has the most supportive brother in his corner ready to help him be more accepting of himself...but also to help educate him on queer issues because let’s be real, dean has some learning (and unlearning) to do. charlie and sam are preparing a powerpoint as we SPEAK.
but he’s allowed to still microaggress dean because 1) that’s what he deserves for helping make sam’s childhood one long macroaggression and 2) he’s funnier about it. dean and sam ARE a win for gay homophobe rights.
at the end of the day, the show never even let dean be openly bisexual so what better form of rebellion is there than headcanoning no spn character as cishet? you can’t give us one good gay movie kiss and now ALL your characters are gay & trans, bob singer <3
most importantly: sam, dean, and adam all being lgbt??? john winchester’s worst nightmare baby!
at the end of the day, they are literally all fictional and this is a sandbox in which we can do whatever we want! no one wins by keeping someone from headcanoning a character as any form of LGBTQIA, but we do have fun to gain!
on that note, here's some fun queer sam tumblr posts to start you on your journey: (x) (x)
I also highly recommend the blog queersamofficial (which shares fun posts & ships) and sambrosia’s sam slash anyone series if you want a fun introduction to all the sam ships out there! (includes m/m and f/m)
update: I also now have a side samblog (@alivegirlsam) if you’re a multishipper who considers yourself sastielcurious or just want to talk more about queer sam, trans sam, sam in general.
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what makes you think the writers want deancas? not trying to be an asshole, i'm just genuinely curious as to why you think that. i know berens' episodes are pretty heavy with subtext so i can see why you'd say that he wants it, but i'm not so sure about the rest of the writers/dabb. it seems like meghan isn't a huge fan either, given her "they twisted it so fast" tweet :/ of course she's a very new writer (think she's only writing one ep this season?) but still
OKAY this is a great question, welcome to my dissertation.
I’m going to address the end of your question first. Meghan is actually DeanCas positive, she has been for quite a long time. She actually, a few years back, posted a picture of her reading a literal book about Destiel and captioned it “writing reading” or something like that.
This whole thing just comes out of a boiling over of tensions because of how nasty fandom twitter can be. Like I said here, I think this has just gotten blown out of proportion, they shouldn’t have posted all this randomly disparaging stuff, but also like...can you blame them? The fandom is a lot, we always have been, and they’re probably also under a gag order not to talk about the finale, and are annoyed that people keep asking.
So nah, Meg is not anti Destiel.
To the first part!! So let’s take a look at the show runners since Cas has been around.
Seasons 4 and 5: Kripke
Seasons 6 and 7: Gamble
Seasons 8-11ish: Carver
Seasons 11ish-15: Dabb
So starting with Kripke. Okay, yes, I will be the first to admit that we have some pretty incredible Destiel moments in these seasons, but it’s less directly written into the plot and much more from Misha and Jensen’s uhhhh ~chemistry~. The only times it was directly written into the script was when the episode was handled by someone like Edlund (“On The Head Of A Pin,” “The End,” “My Bloody Valentine”). And you have to remember, if in season 5, there are moments here and there where you’re like huh that’s suspiciously romantic dialogue, remember that Cas took Anna’s place. Anna was supposed to be endgame for Dean, but due to a myriad of issues and Misha’s general greatness, Anna was replaced with Cas.
Onto 6 and 7. Hmmm. Gamble. 6 and 7 are my two least favorite seasons and that’s no secret, and that’s not only due to the plain old weird shit in the overall storyline, but also that homegirl killed off Cas in s7 and then Bobby like four episodes later. (Also it ALWAYS rubbed me the wrong way they couldn’t have Baby in that season lol). We still had some great DeanCas moments, but again, it wasn’t really written into the overall arc (until they had to change the end of season 7 because of tanking ratings and bring Misha back lol, anyone remember the fact that Dean kept Cas’ jacket and would randomly dream of him? Yeah.). But we still had those moments, those distinctly romantic moments, probably the best example in these two seasons is from Edlund again, specifically “The Man Who Would be King,” I wrote a little about that here.
We move onto Carver, who gave us, at this point, the most overt DeanCas season with season 8 (season gr8 is a better name imo), and this is the first time Dean and Cas’ relationship is directly written as an arc of the season. I mean, you have everything in Purgatory, Dean “seeing” Cas everywhere, the fact that he felt so guilty that Cas stayed in Purgatory that he manipulated his own memories to think that he was the one that failed Cas, because he couldn’t comprehend that Cas would want to leave him, and let’s not forget Dean snapping Cas out of Naomi’s hold on him in “Goodbye Stranger.” It was a very obvious shift, not enough to alert the general audience, but more than enough for most of us in fandom.
It’s also important to note that this is when Andrew stopped co writing with Loflin and started writing his own episodes (”Hunter Heroici” anyone?) I like Loflin fine, but Dabb was able to stretch his legs a little bit more once he stopped co-writing, and we also began to see some DeanCas themes in his solo episodes.
In any case, them and their issues being a big part of the seasons continued with Carver, and Berens entered the scene, his first episode (”Heaven Can’t Wait”) is one of my favorites, with human Cas and the fanfiction gap and Dean and Cas just generally being awkward and funny and sweet. This is Bobo’s FIRST episode, remember that. He comes right out of the gate with it.
Also in Season 9, this is when Dean takes the Mark of Cain, and the Cas/Colette mirror is born, so obviously, Dean and Cas are the fabric of the season once again. This is also the season where Metatron says Cas is “in love with humanity,” and then immediately refers to Dean as Humanity so uhhhh yeah.
Onto season 10, Dabb and Berens continue with their greatness (I could write pages on the DeanCas date in “The Things We Left Behind” alone). And then we have one of the best scenes in the entire show in “The Prisoner” where the Cas/Colette mirror continues and Dean, driven by grief and pain and rage and the Mark, still doesn’t kill Cas. He still can’t kill Cas.
Season 11 is important because it takes choice away from both Cas and Dean, and shows us, as the audience, how much losing each other takes out of them. We saw in season 10 how much losing Dean takes from Cas, but what about Cas losing Dean? Dean loses his choice with his connection to Amara this season, and loses even more when Lucifer reveals he’s been possessing Cas, and plays on Dean’s connection to Cas like a mockery. It’s also worth noting that, similarly to season 8, Dean breaks out of the connection with Amara when he’s worried about Cas, and that’s something that even SHE is surprised by.
But then season 12, the beginning to the Renaissance. This is when we get the writer’s that become important for what Dean and Cas are today, and, truly, why I believe they want canon Destiel as much as we do.
This is the first season with Dabb’s writers: Davy Perez, Meredith Glynn, Steve Yockey, and of course Bobo all come in with their incredible talents and gave us episode after episode of good content. “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” is probably my favorite, probably the best example of what I’m saying. An episode where Dean is called out by an enemy directly, told to “roll the dice” on Cas’ life. And Dean won’t, it’s not even really a hesitation. And this comes from a character that has known Dean for ten seconds. I also wrote more in depth about this episode here. There are also some.....distinctly domestic details we get this season, specifically in “The Future” (written by Berens and Glynn) with the mixtape. The most tropey of tropes mixtape. Yeah, I’ll just leave that one here.
And then season 12 ends with Cas’ death, but also with the parallel between Sam and Dean with Jess and Cas. Sam literally has to drag Dean away from Cas, just like Dean had to drag Sam out of his burning apartment in the pilot. The episode drives it home in every way that it can: Dean is the one left kneeling by Cas’ body, while Sam goes to find out what is upstairs. Dean is the one who stares at the sky, finally broken. This isn’t a random thing, this is Dean’s whole arc, it’s the entirety of the beginning of 13. Dean’s pain, his anguish, his anger.
Season 13 starts with them burning Cas, with Dean, who has begged God to bring him back, who has split his knuckles punching a door, standing, staring at Cas’ pyre with brokenness on his face.
Anyway, season 13 is where it gets interesting (well, I think all of this is interesting but I’m a writer nerd so). So Cas comes back from the Empty in “Advanced Thanatology” written by Steve Yockey, and then a wombo combo of “Tombstone” by Davy Perez next (”Brokebacknatural” as the PR said at the time). Listen. This is the part that SPN crossed a line that they couldn’t come back from. With Cas being Dean’s “big win,” the fact that Dean and Cas watch movies together, “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Talked about it here.
This is where, in my opinion, the network stepped in, but the damage was already done. They had already established that Cas was Dean’s big win, that Dean’s poor coping was not due to Mary’s disappearance, but solely due to Cas, and that Dean and Cas have more married energy than anyone else. The network had nixed blatant canon at this point, and they writing room had been pushing the boundaries of what the network would allow.
After these episodes, we see a marked drop off of DeanCas heavy scenes. They’re still there, still a part of the fabric of the season, but not as...obvious as it had been in early season 13.
And this continued through season 14, we’re back to scraps of Destiel scenes here and there, but to me it always felt like there was something bubbling under the surface, something distinctly unsaid in the themes of the season, even after the walk back of obvious “Dean and Cas are in love” scenes.
And then we get to season 15, which, y’all know I talk about all the time. What’s important here is that Bobo and Glynn are both executive producers, calling more of the shots than ever before. Additionally, it’s important to note that, though they only co write occasionally, Glynn and Berens refer to each other as “work husband” and “work wife.” Each episode has just turned up the volume, and, not for the first time, but certainly the most obvious, Dean and Cas ARE the season. Sure, they’re trying to beat God, they’re trying to finally find peace, defeat the final big bad, but really? This season has been about Dean, and Dean’s relationship to Cas.
And not only do we have obvious and clear Destiel in nearly every episode, but we have episodes like “Last Call” which canonize bi!Dean (wrote about that here).
And, maybe most importantly so far, we have “The Rupture,” the breakup, and “The Trap,” Dean’s confession (both written by Berens). And here’s the thing. These episodes feel connected, but also feel like they’re missing something. Beren’s last episode is 15x18, “The Truth.” We’ve all spec’ed about what could happen in this episode, and I think *I* know what it’s leading to. But for it to be leading to that, it means that the network has to have approved what we’ve all been waiting for years for.
Who got this change to happen? Who got the network to change their minds? It wasn’t us. It was them. I am fully convinced that Dabb and Berens quite literally put their careers on the line for Dean and Cas. They believe in them, they’ve shown that from the beginning, but the only thing standing in the way was the network, never allowing them to take the final step.
So, to answer your question: I think the writers want canon DeanCas because they’ve already shown us that they do. Take a look at their episodes, at Dabb’s, at Beren’s, at Glynn’s, at Perez’s, at Yockey’s. They’ve been telling us what’s going on with Dean and Cas for years.
Sure, I’m not in their heads, I guess I don’t know for *sure* that this has been their thought process, but if we put it all together, from the marked shift when Dabb fully took over in s12, to the change right after “Tombstone,” to the new shift, the blatantly romantic shift in season 15, what else is there?
I’ve said for a long time that we, the SPN fandom, are beyond lucky to have the writer’s that we do. They’re all going to go on to have prolific careers and we were lucky to get them at the end of our little show. I give them a lot of credit for what we have in the show today.
Just remember, they’ve been telling us in all of s15 who Chuck is. He says he’s the writer, right? But a writer who doesn’t have control of his characters? A writer who wants to do the same ending over and over because it “works”? That doesn’t sound like a writer, it sounds like a network exec.
They’ve been showing us what they want for years, and the way s15 is going? I think they may have convinced the network to let us have it.
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Voltron Part 26
Time for season 6! Apparently it's the last fully good season, before a mediocre S7 and an absolutely terrible S8. And honestly, I'm kinda excited bout that. Episodes 1+2, let's go:
God, Lance is really bitter about Lotura
Lotor had a Nanny as a kid. Because of course he did. (Btw, I realized who he reminds me of. Nathanial from CXG! [Cue “Who s the new Guy?” ])
Hunk’s gonna get the viewer some good old exposition
Lotor. What do you mean with: “Child raised in the void” ?
OG!Galra Kitty Man is suprisingly still relevant. After S1 I thought that he's never be seen again
Lotor is too possessive towards Allura. He doesn’t want her to fight as part of Voltron, but to instead stay by his side. -> EVIL!
Shiro is hearing voices. That's always a good sign
Space witch is also a Chosen One!
Can Shiro also use space witch as spyware? Or was she just shown to let the viewer know what’s up?
The Galra’s defence shield is just a giant puzzle for 3year olds
Hunk! Yes, you go! My boi!! Show those Galras how it’s done! (I don’t know why, but this scene especially made me laugh hard)
Lance, you’ve had so much growth the last few seasons. Please don’t just be horny for Allura again...
Ironic, how the white lion messed Shiro up
Wait, did Lance legit just die, and Allura revived him. Or was he just passed out?
I kinda expected space witch to walk out with a corpse of a white lion. Would have been a cool visual...
Heeeey, space witch is normal again!
This was a good episode for Hunk-Stans. But now, I just sorta expect him to be completely irrelevant for the rest of the season
I was about to joke that an episode with the word “edge” has to be a Keith episode. Then one of the first shots is his face
Krolia just said so many terms I won’t remember
OMG. Lotura was totally about to kiss. (R.I.P. Allurance)
Lance called himself a third wheel. Gosh, you could almost feel sorry for that boy
Keith, Krolia. Why is neither of you worried about being stranded in space?
Hey! Finally some backstory!
Yurak would have been a great name for Keith
Also: How is Keith’s dad taller than Krolia? Why didn’t Keith inherit any of his parents height genes?
“Glances of the past and the future”. Oh God. It seems like there’s going to be so much Sheith angst. With Shiro being an asshole
(Possibly because he's being controlled by space witch)
I live for Punk making fun of Lance
Krolia basically just told Keith that he was a “happy little accident”
Okay. Allurance really is cute. But it feels sooo one-sided
Oh no. It’s the space wales. Having scrapped this Fandom a little bit before, I know that something controversial(?) is gonna happen
Awwwww, Krolia’s backstory is sad
Gosh. The motifs. Keith “The lone wolf” gets a wolf
Wait. Is Keith’s father dead. Oh Shit!!!!1 All the fanfics where he used to be in an orphanage suddenly make sense!
“It’s been 2 years” EXCUSE ME? IT’S BEEN WHAT?
YOU DON’T JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT!
And now Allura knows that Lance isn’t just horny, but in love!
(Also Did these guys really not look for Keith???? Isn't he supposed to be their friend???? He's been missing for 2 fucking years!!!)
(Are the next episodes going to be angst? Team Voltron searching for him, but not being able to find him?)
The place K&K landed on looks like Allura’s room-thingy
Oh my gosh. They found Sailor Moon. Just when you think this show couldn’t get any more anime
WhY. DiD. ThEy. pUT. SO. MUCH. sTufF. iNtO. tHIs. ePiSoDe???
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Let me gush about Samurai X-
Okay so this was back when I was a small child and Ninjago episodes were on YouTube because the TV show just aired and I gotta say, when I found out that Nya was Samurai, I screamed!
It was just such a good plot point and it really felt empowering, that a girl can do whatever boys could and can also do it better. Nya invented her own identity can kicked snake butt!
I really liked Nya as a sort of super hero from then on, cause she was the one who kept saving the Ninja's butts.
She had to have made that armour and mech suit from scratch, and she was 14-15 years old! She also kept training, and doing her best, and I absolutely love her girl power. That's how you do empowerment, I suppose.
Nya carved out her own spot on the team, and although she used to be backup, boy was she the best backup the ninja could ever have.
We see her display her engineering capabilities as well as fighting capabilities later on, and how useful was it for a mech suit that could fly.
When she had her water ninja arc I really understood how she felt, because she's seen how destiny screwed over everyone else and really wanted to make her own choices, but had to harness that power inside her to save her little brother and Ninjago. Nya's true potential was a really great scene.
In S6 we see how Nya is annoyed that Dareth kept making her do girly stuff. Not going to lie, I hated simp!Jay in that season because he was really infatuated with Nya and couldn't just give her space. I didn't really like the ending where they got back together, even though they faced death experiences, but I supposed it makes sense. My preferred ending is if Jay and Nya understood one another, and Jay learnt to give space and Nya learnt that time is of the essence, yet she should enjoy her life how she wants to live it. They fall in love naturally starting from S11-S15, because S7-10 was a mess for Nya. I didn't like how they sorta objectified Nya, but it was Jay's point of view, so that's fine I guess.
And even though Nya became the water ninja, Samurai X's identity wasn't lost. P.I.X.A.L. became Samurai X instead and it was the most kick ass thing ever. She is the one now pulling the Ninja out of trouble.
Really glad that Ninjago didn't stop at S2, because Pixal is an icon and I love her. Even though she may be left behind during missions, she accepts her duties and responsibilities as Samurai X, and does a pretty good job of keeping Ninjago safe when the Ninja are in a different realm.
Pixal really felt more and more human, whilst still keeping her robotic patience and calm during the job.I feel like there could be a 6 and 1 fit about the Ninja teaching Pixal how to laugh and Pixal helps the Ninja laugh, probably in S8-S10. She's also really brave, from how we see her approaching the Oni cloud and defeating the pre eminent
I really like her character development, and the Samurai X plot just really felt right.
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I'm interested in hearing more about why you think Margot should've been Rumbelle's daughter. Sounds interesting, but what would that mean for her enchanted forest life? I think her being Robin Hood's daughter would've been fine if not for Zelena
Okay, Nonny, since you sent this a few days before Mother's Day, I'm gonna finally take the opportunity to try to sum up and speed-run the Belle's Daughter Margot feelings that have haunted me for THREE YEARS. Buckle in; this will be more than you or anyone asked for.
Disclaimer 1: It's been, well, three years, so my memory of Curious Archer and their story is not perfect; could be off on some details here. And Disclaimer 2: I really loved Tiera Skovbye as Robin/Margot; she did a lot with not much screen time, and she and Rose had fabulous chemistry. So although she was well cast as Robin Sr.'s kid, Tiera would be perfectly believable as a Rumbelle daughter, too--maybe give her some low-lights and call it a day. We keep Tiera as Margot in this rewrite. Okay: onward.
(Since one of the few things that would have to change about Robin if she were Rumbelle’s daughter is her name, I’ll just mostly use her Hyperion Heights name “Margot” throughout this post for simplicity.)
First and foremost, the foundation of everything: Margot is so like Belle! She is so like her. They have the same love of adventure, a similar sense of humor. She took Alice on a date to a bookstore. Most of all, she has Belle’s ability to see past “the mask of the monster” to a person’s heart. There was a great scene where Tilly explained that she didn’t want Margot to see her “bad days” because she thought it would be “too much,” and Margot said words to the effect that she was there for the bad as well as the good.
Obviously, people don't have to grow up to be exactly like their parents (Belle and Rumple sure didn't)...BUT. In fiction, one of the fun parts of next-gen stories is for the audience to see how their favorites' personalities are passed down. It's just more fun to see a Henry who has parts of Regina/Emma/Neal than one who doesn't; it's fun to see Lucy resemble little Henry. And it would be fun to see Margot be like her parents (she is very like Robin Sr; not so much Zee). Seeing a character who has so many of Belle's traits becomes just more...fun...when she learned them FROM Belle.
The family feud Rumple/Hook angle turns Alice and Margot’s relationship up another roman tic notch. A classic trope! It’s about reconciliation and love remaking and erasing those old grudges. Which is even more important when we’re supposed to believe that the evidence of Rumple’s final redemption is his saving Rook.
On a more macro level: the entire claim that OUAT is "a show about hope" COLLAPSES because it ends with the annihilation of the Stiltskin family. Rumple, Belle, and Neal are all dead; Henry doesn’t acknowledge them as his family; and Gideon is a friendless and forgotten orphan in another world. I did my rants about this three years ago, but long story short: the show’s not about hope unless it’s hopeful for EVERYONE. And having at least one of Rumbelle’s children alive and happy at the end (with her True Love and friends and acknowledged as part of the family) would fix that. My objection has never been that Rumple (and even Belle) die, but the way it happened.
And of course, Rumbelle needed to have at least one other child because Kitsowitz managed to deny them even one single shared happy moment surrounding Belle’s pregnancy with Gideon and his birth. Even if the audience didn’t get to see it (and we could have gotten a glimpse in Beauty), we deserved to know it happened.
Finally: Zelena did not belong in S7, period. I know it was fun for her fans! (Although apparently there weren't enough of them to positively affect the ratings, meow.) I do know! But it was bad storytelling. She served no point in the larger season arc, and the serial witch killer plot that was invented to serve her was one of the worst and most stupid things Kitsowitz came up with in seven years, and ate up time that could/should have gone to develop other characters. (Driz and Ana come immediately to mind, instead of having them shunted off to another universe, but also Henry/Cinda/Lucy and of course Rumple since his plot was coming to a close.) Zelena didn’t even get any significant growth herself, or develop her relationships with Regina or Robin. She still didn’t express regret for the horrible things she did to characters we love (Rumple, Neal, and Robin Sr.); the only result of all that screentime was to give an unrepentant rapist a love story with a person--we barely see and have zero investment in. And even that was ultimately negated at the end of the season, because in the finale Zee’s back in Storybrooke sans Boo Bear.
So, all that said: what would have to change about Margot’s, and Curious Archer’s, FTL storyline to give us Margot Gold?
Her name—but actually very little else. (And frankly it would have been more respectful to have Belle name her daughter after Robin Sr., who was actually her friend, than for Zee to name her kid after the man she raped, manipulated, and ultimately got killed—but that ship had sailed.)
Belle and Rumple could have given their daughter any number of fairytale names after people they know, aka fresh take on a Disney character. My favorite possibilities are Aurora (and then Curious Archer could have been Curious Beauty, and done a riff on the Sleeping Beauty story as part of their FTL backstory, with a built-in TLK) and Merlin (very pretty for a girl, I’ve always thought).
But the character herself would have been very much the same: she could be Rumbelle’s jock daughter, trained in archery and swordsmanship by family friends (Merida/Mulan/Charming), but always feeling out of place in her family of scholars/sorcerers/nerds.
I am SO sorry for the length of this--there's even more under this cut!
Robin/Margot felt insecure about trying to live up to her father’s name; Rory/Merlin/Margot could have similar anxieties trying to live down her father’s Dark One rep. There could even be a similar story where she was born with magic (like Robin was) but loses it or chooses to give it up—something that would estrange her further from her family. Or, if she was Merlin, she could keep her magic but be reluctant to use it, and part of Curious Archer’s Hyperion Heights arc would be both Margot and Tilly discovering and accepting their magic. (Sapphic sorceresses for the win.)
Now, one of the cutest things about Alice/Robin’s FTL dynamic was Robin being a girl from the Land Without Magic finding her feet in an enchanted forest, with Alice’s help. But it would only take a little finessing of S7 Rumbelle’s story to get that for Rory as well. (Of course, any decent story would have a LOT of finessing of Rumbelle’s plot so that Belle didn’t die and put Rumple on a suicide mission, but again—assuming the ship has sailed…)
Say that Rory is five to six years younger than Gideon. The Rumbelle family spend a dozen years or so traveling the realms, but then Rumbelle decide that they want Gideon and Rory to be comfortable in the LWoM with their extended Charming family, so they settle back into the Pink Palace so the kids can get a LWoM education. They still take occasional journeys, often Rumbelle going to save some hapless souls, but Rory grows up primarily in SB with very few, vague memories of all the fascinating places they visited when she was a small child. This feeds her hunger for adventure along with some envy of Gideon for having so many more fairytale experiences—another thing that makes her feel like a misfit in her family. So, presto, when she moves to FTL she and Alice have pretty much the same meeting/adventures.
One of the key notes of Rumple and Alice/Tilly's relationship, showing his growth and making it so special, was how he chose to set her free of being the Guardian or whatever, allowing her to be free and get what he never had, the chance to grow old with the woman she loves. And that would be weakened if Rumple knew that by choosing Alice's happiness over his own, he was also choosing his own daughter's happiness (because we know Rumple picks his kids over himself ever time). But--he doesn't have to know WHO Alice's True Love is when he makes that choice. He could just know that there is someone, or simply realize that Alice deserves her freedom for her own sake. (Rumple's daughter also getting happiness would be a side benefit that he didn't learn about till later, and have the added perk of Rumple actually getting a narrative reward for doing something good. Which almost NEVER happened! Bonus.)
Finally: I do understand that Robin's presence on the canvas was important to fans of Robin Sr.--getting to know he's remembered and having someone carry on his legacy. Of course I get it--Rumbelle and their family not having that is my biggest complaint (of so so many).
But we don't need a grown-up Robin Jr. to be Robin's legacy. Let her stay a cute background kid with perennially baby Prince Neal. There's already a character, one we're invested in, to carry on for the Hoods: Roland. And again, it would be satisfying for the audience to learn that a five-year-old orphan wasn't shunted off from what family he had left (Regina and Henry) into another universe and never heard from again. If Kitsowitz didn't waste time with Zelena, they wouldn't have needed the idiotic Jack-is-Hansel-the-serial-killer twist, and we could have have had Roland filling the role of Henry's best friend/little brother (and therefore Lucy's fake HH dad--God, that plot was bad all the way back in season 1; why Kitsowitz why?). We'd see Roland onscreen, part of the family, at the end of the show, perhaps with his own True Love (Drizella, maybe, or better yet Gideon) and happy future.
So, that's it: the combination of Margot Stiltskin-Gold and Roland Hood tightens and heightens the storytelling throughout S7, closes some plot holes, and actually fulfills some of the show's stated themes. Who knew!
Anyone else want three years of OUAT theory vomit? 😋 Shoot me an ask!
(I actually have another one, god help us all, but I might save it till Father's Day...)
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Ooh, what's your opinion on S8 of DW?
I think what it intended to be and what it turned out to be are two very different things, and i am never sure how to judge it because i can see what it is trying to be and respect that, but i also see perfectly what it Actually turned out to be and kind of openly hate it.
I will give it a high grade for aspiration but a very low one for execution.
I’m not going to go into total depth here because i’ve tried before and it was... Long. But I think the main problems can be summed up with a writers room trying to write somebody putting on no airs, somebody being a bit of an asshole but not Irredeemably so, but not having a damn clue where the line lays between lovable asshole and, well... Just a shit head tbh. They hop onto the bad side of that line too often. Sometimes 12 is meant to cross a line, and the stories let us Know the intention was to display him going too far (like that time Clara socked him), and that’s fine, but it’s the unintentional that are the problem. There is a lot of unintentional.
Also, the casting is fucked up. I don’t mean that anybody is bad at acting, but not One person thought of the implications of their story lines and how that intersected with the way they cast the roles. If we take the main players of the season (as in, influencing events narratively on a season wide scale) we have 12, Clara and Missy. Now, narratively these three are Meant to be a hot mess and that’s fine, watching 12 and Clara kind of devolve into an outright mess and finding out Missy is behind it all and was deliberately stirring up trouble is the intended plot and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when you have your main cast of white people fucking over everybody else around them. The everybody else around them being all the characters who aren’t white, are 90% of the time this season black, who are being fucked over by a narrative that always intended to have these side characters be ultimately disposable and props for the leads.
(i mean, on more levels, i could make solid arguments as to why Clara and Missy are Also kind of just functioning as props to the lead white man in this season, but it’s not that that’s the main issue here bc A) this was as much if not More of a problem with Clara in season 7 and Missy Does develop later.)
Is Clara and 12 having an unhealthy relationship a bad narrative choice? No. Is their poor behavior effecting those around them negatively a bad narrative, unrealistic or poor story choice? No, it’s not. It is the casting that breaks this season, which is why i said i wouldn’t hate it if they’d just put more thought into who they cast as who.
to be fair, this is a long standing issue in dw not limited to s8 or the show runners of that era, it was the same back when rtd was in charge and it’s still there today (Mickey is also treated like shit, and just the other week i was complaining abt Praxeus having a huge guest cast but only caring about the two white men...The show’s current propensity for one off characters to be gay but them then dying immediately... Though, to be Slightly fair on that part, didn’t i read that somebody pointed this out to chibnall and that he then has since stopped the gay thing, at least? Which i kind of assumed was why the two white guys in praxeus even existed, tbh, gays who Don’t die. That was still a mess though).
But, yes, The way the narrative treats Danny may be innocuous on a sheet of paper with no faces attached, but the way it plays out on screen has very different connotations. It has further bad ones when 12 is immediately cruel and verbally abusive to another black man who likes Clara, or whom Clara might like in that ep with the two dimensional aliens. I mean, 12 is jealous, that’s Why he’s acting this way, but once more another innocuous plot point on paper and kind of insidious on screen because of casting creating a terrible pattern.
In case we thought this was limited to men, Courtney! An innocent 15 year old black girl whom was treated so badly by 12 that it was affecting her mental health, was basically kidnapped by him (clara. Clara you should not have allowed this you were that girl’s legal protector strictly speaking) and then among other things is used as a human shield by 12 to avoid being shot, and that was awful when it aired and with age it’s gotten Worse. This isn’t even going into kill the moon’s aggressive anti abortion stance and it’s damn Gall to be smug about that ‘woman kind’ crack and basically use an old white man and again, a Fifteen year old girl to make its point on what is an unplanned pregnancy metaphor (to be clear, not a Normal pregnancy, but one with likely potential to kill the mother, congrats this is Worse). Did. Did none of you think this was messed up? Did none of you realise? .. no? Okay.
Like, everybody involved with the making of that utter disgrace of an ep can kindly fuck off. And for clarity’s sake, when Clara and 12 fight at the end of the episode you can clearly identify what parts of the episode are written as 12 Intentionally being written as awful and what was just accidental b/c Clara calls him on what he did badly and she barely mentions anything on the long list of bs in that episode. Go figure. And to top it off, after all of this 12 smugly proclaims Courtney will have a great future and be special now just because of him. I can honestly say i’ve never wanted to sock the doctor more than i did in that episode. I can honestly say i’ve found episodes of the show from 50 years previous less egregiously offensive, which is a hell of a low bar.
But i digress, S8 is proof you need to Pay Attention to your stories and how that relates to the casting you choose, because they Basically managed to write a doctor who only really ever took to white people and fuck anybody else. And i mean, 12′s Not nice but this just, isn’t great. This entirely changes what was, on paper, pretty innocuous (i imagine). You can’t Not consider story implications when casting!!!!
12 didn’t just dislike Danny, he Degraded him. It was so far over a line of moderation and i still can’t work out if that was on purpose or just the writers not getting where the line is. Doesn’t matter in a broader sense but i still wonder. Clara Also treats Danny like dirt, she lies to Danny repeatedly and then casts him as some kind of bad guy who is stopping her from going off with the doctor because it’s seemingly easier for her this way, lying to both 12 and Danny to avoid judgment from either party. Telling Danny she’d stopped travelling, telling 12 Danny was Fine with it once Danny Approved it which was A) her calling danny controlling to 12 which is both untrue and also probably contributed to 12′s disdain for him and B) when 12 did work out she was lying it Still makes Danny look bad because Clara seemingly Had to hide this from danny to get away with it, which also makes him look controlling, when in reality it was just her not being able to deal with adult conflict in a mature way.
Missy also like, murders him. I don’t think it’s said in the show but if i recall eu content does say so. Either way, he dies.
In the end Danny was created to be walked all over, be a Nice Guy who gets screwed over by these other people, be a good man who has a chance to live and gives it up for a kid he doesn’t know. And is just treated like shit the whole time.
The casting is bad. The lack of critical thought is obvious and Bad. To be clear, the solution here is not to make everybody white (just as bad, different way) but to uh, actually put thought into the implications of your casting and cast characters in ways to Avoid terrible messages. If there is No way to avoid something crappy, is the plot Really worth having? Is it? Really?
And like, there are other things. Clara’s bad writing from s7 catches up some, here, in Deep Breath we’re Told clara has all the negative qualities that have suddenly emerged after she’s fulfilled her life’s function of Saving The Doctor (some more primo bs) and they seemingly realised without the Mystery(tm) she needed to be a more round character. The Presence of the negative traits is fine, them suddenly appearing in an ep and that kind of managing to demonize clara when she’s scared and freaked out Is Not Great. A lot of her reaction is written off on her being Shallow because the doctor ain’t hot anymore and yes i could still kick something about all this.
I’m not fond of the joke they made where 12 thought Clara’s boyfriend was a matt smith look alike, har har the doctor is arrogant... Except after the whole Shallow thing you could viably read this as 12 not considering his Behavior as the reason Clara’s freaked out by him lately but because he isn’t in a younger body anymore. 12 has been awful on many an occasion already, in deep breath Clara had resigned herself to a life in the past with Jenny and Vastra because she had No expectations that he’d actually even just take her home. She ended up hitting him in into the dalek. She honestly was not sure he’d save her from a robot who was going to dismantle her for parts and was Terrified. Maybe your behaviour is a factor here, buddy.
It’s a damn mess, basically. And for all the potential in 12′s identity crisis and self hatred, like, it was a good idea imo! They fucked it up so badly i just hate the season and have to treat it like an analytics exercise to rewatch it because i don’t enjoy it but kind of need to wath for future stuff to make sense.
also... asshole older white man genius treats people around him badly till they teach him to be a better person is the oldest and least groundbreaking plot idea nowadays. It was boring decades ago. Just stop.
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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Circe Invidiosa
Circe Invidiosa has 11 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files stories at her website. Some of my favs I’ve recced here before, like Make It Worse and Slap a Goatee On Me and Call Me Evil. She also made a bunch of X-Files collage art, including some cover art for fics (hers and others), which you probably saw if you were reading fic back when authors posted fics on their own websites where art could be shared. Big thanks to Circe Invidiosa for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
Well, it would surprise me if people did read my fic. As it happens, I don't hear much feedback from my fic these days. Probably because the bulk of it is on Gossamer and my own site rather than AO3. Also, I was never a BNA. I worked a lot behind the scenes – hosting other authors' sites and making fanart and dustjackets. I think that's what I'd be remembered for, if anything.
What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience?
I miss the collective excitement and discussions we had as groups. When you got in with a group in the XF fandom, you felt like you knew everybody there. Now the fandom feels a little faceless except for the people I still follow from my old groups.
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?
Most of my experience was on Yahoo Groups. I joined Scullyfic while it was still there and then E-muse when it became an e-mail list, which I'm still a part of. I was part of several Yahoo Groups (can't remember all of them now), where I'd post my fic, RealPlayer slideshows (remember those?!), and collages. I never really took part in discourse because I'm shy and don't think anyone cares about my opinions (still don't!). The e-mail address I used for those groups was purged a couple of years ago, so I've lost all those messages.
What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?
My take away is that fanfic made me a better writer, thanks to having some great betas, and it made me a better professional writer for it (my real-life work is writing but not fun writing) because I learned to take criticism.
I also used to make a lot of fanart, collages and dustjackets for fic mostly. My big take away from that was that I really got into graphics and I got super proficient at Photoshop, which helped my own artistic endeavours and photography. I didn't realize how much skill I had developed until I've had to help someone with their graphics or photo editing.
What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?
My mother was watching X-Files before I was and she was raving about it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, but one thing she was usually right about was TV shows. It's where I got my love of Sci-Fi.
I think the first episode I watched was Ice, which definitely hooked me. As for when the shipping started, I remember we were watching Lazarus, and when Mulder was yelling at Lula (I had to look that up) about hurting the hostage Scully, my mom said, "Oh, he's so in love with her." And I was all, "What?! Pfff." But then I could not stop thinking about it. And then I thought about it way, way too much.
What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?
I was in my late 20s, and it was around the end of S7 and I kept thinking about what if these two dumb idiots actually talked one day. And I kept thinking about dialogue in my head about what they'd actually say. The internet was still in its infancy back then, but I'd seen fan sites here and there. So I decided to search around to see if other people were talking about it and thinking about it like I was. I was such a noob I'd never even heard of fanfic. Imagine my delight when I discovered it. I found a few stories and thought, 'Well, I can do that.' And I wrote up my first story, found a place to post it (wasn't Ephemeral the best?), got some kind feedback, found a really nice person (not sure she wants to be named since she used her real name in the fandom back in the day) who encouraged me a lot and directed me to all the e-mail lists and Yahoo Groups that I needed to be on, and then, Bob's your uncle, I wrote more and more.
What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?
Periphery. Most of my experience in any fandom is now on Tumblr because that's where my attention span is. Show me pretty pictures and funny stuff. I am old now and don't want to think hard.
Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
Veronica Mars was my next fandom experience. A number of my XF friends got me hooked on VM. The VM fandom was a LOT younger compared to the XF fandom. When I joined the XF fandom, I was the kid compared to most of the other fans who were all goddesses and royalty in my eyes. But in the VM fandom, I was in my 30s and the rest of the fandom were all in their early 20s if not younger. It often showed, so I stayed out of discussions and just posted my fic once I started writing it. I took a new handle (invida) when I started writing VM fic. Just in case these kids felt like my writing sucked, I didn't want it getting back to the XF fandom that I’d branched out and failed spectacularly.
By then fandom experiences had moved over to LiveJournal. I never really got involved in the discourse or the fandom fights. I knew what people were saying and where the schisms were, but I was all about the fanfic and the pretty pictures. Most of my LJ friends just discussed the episodes and posted their fic and that was good with me.
What got me writing fic for VM was Anjou's brilliant VM fic Into the Blue. Seriously, if you love VM S1, read her fic. Just so beautiful.
VM was also where started writing a WIP, which was a wild trip. I wrote a much-loved WIP called Damn, Damn the Circumstance which people still ask me about finishing to this day. Someday…*wistful sighs*
Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?
Scully. She was everything! Lapsed Catholic, degrees in science, skeptic, always trying to work within the rules but still not taking crap. Yeah, she was the best.
Veronica Mars was great until she wasn't. I have a lot of issues with her beyond S2. And don't even talk to me about S4. For me, S1 was the best, I enjoyed the movie, the books were okay, but nothing else happened after that. NOTHING.
And the first character I ever loved was Princess Leia. She was also everything to me growing up. I wanted to be her. I still do.
Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?
Now and then. Not as much as I used to. I sometimes have it on in the background when I'm doing other things. Back before the pandemic, my BFF and I would have get togethers where we would play Scrabble, eat a lot of candy, and binge several XF episodes. I miss doing that. Hopefully, we will get back to that soon.
Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?
I am not an active XF fanfic reader right now. I will read any stories my friends put out. Otherwise, I only occasionally read some I come across on Tumblr in my feed, but I am not seeking them out. I will beta for any XF author who asks me as well.
I am reading fic in other fandoms though – Endeavour, Broadchurch, Sherlock…huh, I'm just realizing that's a lot of British stuff. I have been really into British detective series for the last few years.
Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?
I used to run an XF fic recommendation site called How Will It End usually with at least one other person (I went through at least 4 partners on that project because I'm a control freak). We'd compile our recs and then I'd post them on my site. We'd also feature authors we really liked and interview them. Not unlike these interviews!
I'm terrible at giving feedback/comments. So I solved that problem by making a rec site. That way I could tell authors I loved their fics by recommending them. I didn't have to comment, I'd just say, 'I'd like to rec your fic'. And then they'd get promotion. Win-win. Back in those days, the fandom would absolutely roast you for promoting your own fic, so to get on a rec site was a big deal. Not that I had a popular rec site or anything. But I think authors really enjoyed being asked.
All that to say I've liked a lot of fics. I can pull up the archives of HWIE and show you all the faves I liked. :)
What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?
Back in the day, E-muse would hold Improv Challenges, where other members would give you a prompt that you had to include in your fic. I was always really proud of the stories I created from those challenges (No Earthly Means and Elephant in the Room if you want to read them).
I enjoyed writing Dead to Rights which is an XF/Dead Like Me crossover because I loved the challenge of writing a crossover. It was the first crossover I ever tried writing even though I only recently published it.
Otherwise, I like re-reading In a Graveyard, Importuning Life for Life, and Some By Virtue Fall. Of my more recent fic, I like Slap a Goatee on Me and Call Me Evil because the premise was ridiculous and I think it's funny as all get out.
Probably my favourite of my VM fic was Stay Outta Riverdale. Because: 1. The title is a Simpsons reference who doesn't love a Simpsons reference? And 2. I think I was hilarious throughout it.
Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?
I'm always open to writing more fic (and, of course, I don't mean my WIPs…don't look at me like that). Lately, my only motivation has been from writing prompts on Tumblr. I haven't had anyone give me a prompt in over a year, so here we are. I have snippets of dialogue in journals and word documents that have never found their way into stories. I'd be happy to dust off any of those and shoehorn them into a new story.
Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?
The last fanfic I wrote was a mini-fic over a year ago (with a prompt from Lilydale!). I've written a bit of original fiction but I haven't been able to finish it. Otherwise, I do have a number of real life hobbies which are where my creative outlets lie now.
Where do you get ideas for stories?
Lately, challenges and prompts. It used to be from wanting to see more from a scene. I really had a thing for fill-in-the-blanks or scene continuations. And sometimes my motivation is just plain old spite. :)
What's the story behind your pen name?
Circe Invidiosa is the title of a painting by John William Waterhouse. Love the colours and the absolute malice on the face of the subject. It felt like a good pen name – the envious witch. That's me!
I chose it when I posted my first XF fic (which I cringe to read now, ugh so terrible) without knowing there was already a Circe in the fandom. Whoops. I tried to go by the full Circe Invidiosa or Invidiosa as much as possible after realizing that (invidiosa is my url and my username on a lot of sites, etc.). Now I think that I've been around long enough that it doesn't matter as much but I still like it.
As I said, I took the name Invida for the VM fandom which is just a shortening of Invidiosa.
Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?
My significant other knows and that was quite a reveal (oh how awkward). However, the SO has been very supportive and has read all my stories since the reveal and sometimes betas them. The SO also wants us to collaborate on writing some original fiction but we haven't found a project that works for both of us creatively or timewise.
My BFF knows because I dragged her into the online fandom. We've known each other since we were 14, but our love of XF really solidified our bond in our 20s. She wrote some short but sweet fics under the penname Helen Quilley which I bullied her into posting, and we wrote Of Ladies Most Deject and Wretched together. She is mostly embarrassed that she wrote fanfic now but we still fangirl together.
No one else really knows other than fandom folks I've met in real life. And some friends know I've written 'short stories' but I don't elaborate. I work in a stodgy, uptight industry where anything fun or actually having a life is frowned upon.
Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?
Over the first lockdown, I got my shit together and got my fic site, invidiosa.com, up and running again. My site houses fic by Rain (now @doctorhelena on Tumblr and AO3), Helen Quilley, ML (who I miss so much), Folieadeux, Shelba, TLynn, Oracle, Piper Sargasso, Diehard, and me. And I made all their dustjackets (except Folie's). The site got hacked a few years back and it was so much work to get running again that I put it off for years and years. I still feel terrible that I did not get the site back up before ML passed away, especially when ML had asked me about it a few months before she passed.
Anyway, all my XF fic is here: circe.invidiosa.com. I have 3 of my newer XF stories on AO3. And my fic-LJ also has some of my stories. Some of the newer stories are on Tumblr but the tagging is so erratic that I'd have to list several tags before you'd find them all. I don't know why I haven't moved everything over to AO3. Probably laziness.
I'm @invidiosa on Tumblr. I'm still on E-muse. I'm still on LJ. I'm always reachable by e-mail (invidiosa at gmail).
Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?
Thanks for reading, writing, and commenting. It is always appreciated.
(Posted by Lilydale on January 5, 2021)
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thoughts on jennifer jareau as a character?
ASK ME MY THOUGHTS ON.....
Most of the time I love JJ, but honestly, she's probably my least favourite out of the BAU team in all the series I've seen so far (I'm up to s7) and this is also me excluding Rossi because half the time I forget he exists and he's also gross and racist so no thanks!
Honestly, I loved her more as a media liason, and she now seems a bit boring as a profiler, and it makes no sense to her original character that she would become one either.
I think she has a really good little sister dynamic with the whole team, especially Reid and Morgan, and totally fits the caregiver expectation that the show kind of gave her when she had Henry, but it suits her!
Also love her dynamic with Emily and Garcia, love the idea of them going shopping and getting coffee and going out for late night drinks.
And I love how devoted to her friends, job and family she is.
I dunno, right now I love her, but she defs has some faults and isn't always the kindest person, especially to Reid, and some things she does do come off as mean and rude and when I think of her in highschool, I can see her as the popular girl who was never the nicest (which funny enough Reid thinks she is).
So yeah, I think out of all the main characters, she's the one that probably grinds my gears the most, mainly cause she's not written great (a failure on the writers part) and also because she just does some mean things and isn't always the kindest person. But when she is she brings so much to the team and I love her.
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Okay so. I’m supposed to be working on a research paper but my brain is fried and I said screw it. I needed a break so I decided to rewatch a couple Boy Meets World episodes so I could focus on my favorite couple; Jeric aka Mr. and Mr.Squirrels.
Jack Hunter and Eric Mathews are and always will be one of the ships that hold a special place in my heart. And I’m a sucker for angst and well, these boys got a lot of that. But watching these eps made me realize that one of the biggest roots for their angst is money. Or more specifically, Jack and his obsession with money. I mean sure, there are also Jack’s glaringly obvious commitment issues (which I’ll get into later, but maybe in another post) but I think the whole “money” thing is pretty important. Here’s why;
Jack Hunter has pre-existing issues with money. His father, Chet Hunter, was a poor man. It has been implied that the money they DID have went towards alcohol, which resulted in abusive outrages. It’s my guess that the only reason Jack’s mother stayed as long as she did with Chet was because she was financially dependent on him. After all, she managed to leave Chet once she met Jack’s stepfather.
And that brings us to point 2- Jack’s stepfather. Jack’s stepfather is rich. He paid for Jack’s college, he paid for Jack’s apartment, he had SEVERAL vacation homes, took his family abroad on skiing vacations every Christmas, paid for Shawn’s college, as well as bank-rolled Jack’s business venture. Considering Jack has had two male role models in his life; Chet, a poor and abusive drunk and his Stepfather, a rich man who has treated Jack as one of his own and who Jack clearly thinks of as a father (in a few eps he has called him “Daddy” and when confronting the Dean’s daughter, he pegs her as a “rich and spoiled daddy’s girl” and explains that she and him are the same in that aspect.) so my point? Jack has good memories associated with money, and he wants to be just as rich as his stepfather one day.
The only healthy male role model in Jack’s life, for the most part, was his stepfather. So it’s no surprise Jack wants to be just like him. In s7, when Jack, Rachel, Topanga, Angela, Shawn, and Cory are all war, with Eric desperately trying to diffuse the situation (bc Eric is best boy) there is a scene where it shows the future, and how every one had gone their separate paths- and how each path was wrong. Jack’s future was as a wealthy “Captain of Industry” but to reach that point he cut all previous ties. That future scenario showed just how far Jack was willing to go. It was only the return of Eric where Jack realized how badly he had messed up. And it was Eric preventing the “war” from escalating that kept Jack from being the cold and heartless money-oriented man he had turned out to be. (The first time that is.)
But while Eric stopped the war, Jack still turned out to be hungry for wealth, at the cost of even himself. How? Well, he left Eric. This time tho, there wasn’t anything Eric would have done. Jack chose to leave Eric so that he and Rachel could join the Peace Corps. This was not a money-oriented decision, but ended up being that way regardless. While Jack had gone and joined the Peace Corps, he quit soon after. My guess? While volunteering, he saw some of the less fortunate and feared that he too could end up in a similar situation. He was obviously fearful that he could once again end up poor, so I’m not surprised that without Eric to guide him, he lost his resolve and chose to chase after wealth, eventually ending up as the corporate worker who Eric ended up meeting 15 years later in Girl Meets Semi-Formal
But it’s more than just hurting Eric because he left him for money- it’s about how Jack hurt Eric even when they were still together for money too. In s7, Eric hits his head and ends up developing psychic powers. These powers let Eric see the future and even the winning lottery numbers. Upon realizing this, Jack drags Eric off to the closest convenience store where they can get lottery tickets. After forcing a sneeze- by hitting Eric’s head on a dumpster repeatedly- Jack gets the numbers. Eric is a crying mess, but after a halfhearted apology, the two head back to the apartment.
(It should be noted that before Jack and Eric got the numbers, they were in an alleyway where Eric came to the conclusion that an earlier vision he has abt having to save someone was actually about Eric having to stop Jack from his money-hungry quest as it ended up turning Jack into the one thing he absolutely did not want to be- Chet. Basically, Eric is the only thing stopping Jack from losing himself in favor of money and this is a recurring theme in their relationship.)
Jack is willing to sleep with ppl to get ahead and it’s implied that he was chosen for his job in GMW because of that, as his “handsome face, and swooshy hair” was meant to entice clients and “persuade” them to go along with whatever company had hired Jack.
There’s other scenes too where Jack and his obsession with money become obvious- like his gambling addictions and his need to come up with a “business venture” that would make him rich. But these instances are the only ones I can up with atm and I blame it all on midterms.
Also this hasn’t been stated in canon but it’s one of my hc’s. I think the reason Jack was so hesitant in his relationship with Eric in BMW was because he was afraid of his stepfathers reaction, and he didn’t want to lose that financial stability. After all, remember that ep where Jack got off the phone with him all distraught bc his stepfather claimed he wasn’t going to support Jack’s business venture anymore? That terror spoke volumes. Money was VERY important to Jack.
What I’m trying to say is, I don’t blame Jack for wanting more money. I can see where he’s coming from, I mean I’ve been in situations where money has run a bit tight and it’s not something I remember fondly, so the desire for money is definitely something I can relate with. So I’m not saying he’s wrong for wanting money- what I’m trying to say, is that he was wrong for hurting Eric (dumpster incident) and that Jack has to learn that while money is great, that rlly isn’t what makes life fulfilling- it’s love. Jack’s mom and stepfather had a healthy and loving relationship not because of money, but because they genuinely loved each other. Jack’s mom and Chet didn’t split because of the lack of money- but because Chet was a flaming pile of garbage. And jack eventually DOES learn this in GMW. Only this time, he has to prove it to Eric.
It’s no secret that Eric loves Jack- he’s very open abt it. But in GMW, he’s more unsure and hesitant. He’s not ready to trust Jack yet. This is because Eric has kept close tabs on Jack and FULLY understands the implications of Jack’s job. Eric doesn’t know if Jack is trying to use him- a very valid fear as no doubt, Eric knows firsthand that Jack in the past had been willing to exploit Eric for money (the lottery ticket episode) and he’s afraid that it might happen again. That’s why in GMW Eric jumps from bright and happy to unsure and standoffish. He wants to trust Jack again, but Jack has to work for it.
My only consolation is that In the GMW finale Eric looked all happy and glowing and I like to think it’s bc he got his soulmate back- for GOOD this time.
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Okay so my guesses for where S7 might be headed assuming that Ismail will be the main are as follows.
How to navigate questioning your gender / gender expression especially given the circumstance that the German language is very binary. Basically just gender ✨ (maybe also how it does /doesn’t interweave with sexuality). Weaving in the communities / informations that exist online might also be a great topic to explore
Furthermore I think the whole being a person with a Turkish background in Germany (I think that’s confirmed canon right?) could be very interesting to explore. Especially also maybe highlighting the the difference of you’re perceived by others (as foreigner basically) vs the fact that Ismail might have never been to Turkey and was born and raised in Germany. Generational disparities between parent and child generation might also be a way to go. Simply having a multi faceted view of a character with a Turkish background living in Germany, that doesn’t relate to a migration story (as in trauma centered) or serve comedic purpose, would be quite important in terms representation me thinks (hope it’s kinda clear what I mean)
Or also just maybe Ismail kind of distancing themselves from Constantin, especially due to Kieu My as well as Zoe (and therefore Finn) now probably also being more affiliated with the cashqueens. So moving on and how to deal with changing a changing friendship landscape could be interesting. Personally I would also be quite fond of a story line that would show Ismail not really being attached to any certain friend group as such (not being able to mend the bonds wiht the cashqueens just yet but also no more instas). A character kinda being not exactly friendless but having to navigate going their own way outside of a group could be interesting as well, especially if connected to kinda loosing your social safety net if that makes sense
Well this was a lot but you kinda asked for it so, hope you don’t mind :) wishing you a lovely day!
I don't mind at all!! And yeah ,I agree, I would find it very interesting to see how druck will handle the topic of gender expression, especially like you said, since the German language is so gendered, it would be really nice to see their take on this, and if and how they'll introduce gender neutral pronouns. As for the migration topic, yesss I don't want to see any trauma about it, I really liked how druck approached fatous and kieu mys ethnic backgrounds, while their backgrounds weren't their whole personality, it wasn't erased, but highlighted through specific actions, like the facetiming, fatous traditional dress in ep9, kieu my and fatou talking about their experiences as children of immigrants, and as an immigrant child myself I could relate to both of them in that aspect (I think I also made about 7282 essays about that lol), so I think druck will be able to handle that aspect of ismails character appropriately, I trust them in that aspect. As for the friendships, I really hope they cut off constantin for good at the end of the season, I can also see druck making ismail floating around in between different friend groups, but still feeling lonely, i mean, they asked a lot about that topic in the survey (I'm still waiting for the answers btw) so I can see ismail being very lonely . I also hope they apologise to ava for their bullying, and that we'll learn more about it, without having to see ava suffer, I really hope that
I hope you have a lovely day too!!!
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Dude you made the expetiment au better. Might do a drabble with this I'm not much of a writer so I apologise if it's bad (I have also decided that this will set in S6/S7 which means I'm technically breaking the canon of Doc joining on S3 and Cleo-Jev joining in S2, it's funner that way okay hush). And yes this is a drabble. I'm sorry.
Some things I want to add in for that au, Doc and Jevin are cell roomates Cleo is nearby them, whenever the guards are busy or when they have some 'free time' they talk about how to get out of that horrible place. After months or years? Well, nonetheless they were able to escape, during their escape they lived in the shadows.
Xisuma absolutely did not expect too see three hybrids in horrible condition in a alleyway. He takes note of the hybirds; a flesh toned slime, a creeper with prosthetics, and a zombie with stiches. Xisuma doesn't know what to do, he froze, he's concerned about them that's for sure. "shit oh no. Oh no. We are doomed." the slime said. "Oh void. Please don't tell them we're here. We didn't do anything wrong" says the zombie, her voice quite and she almost sounds like she's pleading "Just leave. Please, don't tell." the creeper said. He doesn't understand stand why they're afraid, "it's alright I won't tell I promise. Do you need anything? You're hurt." Xisuma ask. "we're just fine, we don't need your help. Now please, leave." Slime hybrid said, he sounds annoyed. "it's obvious that you three are okay, now what can I help you with? Do you need a place to stay? Please let me help you." I asked the trio of hybrids, the more I stay the more concerned I get. "you'd think we'd trust you? We don't even know your fuckin' name!" the zombie said the once quite voice now replaced with anger. "well, then let me introduce myself. I'm xisuma, I'm an admin of a server. And please, let me help you." I replied.
Doc is starting to get agitated with this "Xisuma" guy. They don't even know who he is and he just expects then to turst him? No. After everything they've been through? Absolutely not. Doc can tell that Jevin and Cleo are agitated as well, "look, we don't care that we know your name. We just want you to leave." I said. "please just leave." he sighed turns away, and said "fine. But I'll be back tomorrow." "great yeah, whatever." Jevin said, "you never saw us." Xisuma smiled "I never saw any of you. And oh, if you need any help, just give me a call. "
They never planned on needing to call Xisuma, they never wanted to call him. And as much as they hate it, they need his help desperately. Their not even sure what happened but Jevin got hurt, and they don't have anything to help him. So they called Xisuma and sure enough, he arrived. Doc and Cleo are outside of the room where Jevin and Xisuma is in, anxiety slowly rising in them. They still haven't trusted him enough, Cleo hates how quite it is in the room the other two is in.
When Xisuma came out of the room he immediately got bombarded with questions. Of course he hushed the two hybrids and answered their questions "calm down, first of all, yes hes fine. Second of all, just make sure he gets some rest. " I replied calmly. "so uh, can i get your names? It's fine if you don't want to share it. But I think it's better for us to communicate with each other if I know your names" the two hybrids looked at each other, "uh, yeah I think that's fair. We trust you enough to know our names I guess. So my name is Cleo and that's Doc" the zombie said, pointing at Doc as she introduced him, "and the slime?" I asked. "fuck- right. That's Jevin. Don't ask why he's skin toned." Cleo said. "so, do you three need a place to stay? I'm sure no one in my server will mind having you three around. Besides, it'll be nice to have some more people." I didn't know why I offered them to stay on the server, I have for even told the other hermits I met the trio. But what I said is true, I'm sure none of them would mind three new members. After a few minutes of talking Doc and Cleo accepted my offer, and eventually when Jevin woke up, he accepted the offer as well. That's a good thing right?
Jevin is terrified. All he knows is that he was building his base when random people popped in and started demanding the hermits to give 'them' back. Of course, this causes a meeting to be called with the hermits, and their uninvited guests. And as Jevin flew into the town hall he saw them. The MAE. Jevin immediately dove to the back of the crowd with Cleo and Doc not wanting to be seen by the MAE. "Hello everyone! So I'd like too introduce you all too the MAE, their here to make an announcement so please be kind." Xisuma said, slightly panicked. Jevin practically tuned out what the guy said, that turns out to be a bad thing, now he doesn't know why the hermits are looking at him (Doc and Cleo too). Now here he is, absolutely terrified. They know what's gonna happen and they are not gonna let that happen. Out of sheer panic Jevin took out his rockets and flew away, Cleo and Doc doing the same thing not long after him. Now, their back in hiding.
Yep that's all. Probably gonna send in another one. And no, I'm not gonna sleep cause it is also 2 am when I'm sending this in.
>:( Sleep! /hj
If you do send in another one it would be great if it was a submission, it would make it easier to read!
Why would xisuma even let the MAE in considering the fact he does know of them, back in his investigating career? Does he have alterior motives? And how did they get in?
I personally have my own headcanons and story line for the MAE au but i'll make that in a different post :).
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what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?
ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)
ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)
ok here we go:
4x16 - On the Head of a Pin
dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time
dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone
and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)
like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4
cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)
they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end
4x22 - Lucifer Rising
dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)
dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)
cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")
this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven
5x03 - Free to Be You and Me
in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general
when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees
throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)
like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )
when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him
after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.
and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him
dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*
also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is
when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is
inside jokes (see here)
some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:
“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”
“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”
“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”
“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”
5x14 - My Bloody Valentine
the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That
that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him
cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”
ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep
like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already
6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King
i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it
this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean
the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them
and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)
which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)
and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)
ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)
this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up
special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves
this ep is a LOT
7x17 - The Born-Again Identity
dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”
dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M
“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT
the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)
the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!
7x21 - Reading is Fundamental
yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”
at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao
also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)
dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*
ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene
8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin
dean seeing cas everywhere
when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)
dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom
jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)
jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)
during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room
D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”
the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise
“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”
“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”
i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode
8x08 - Hunteri Heroici
i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought
it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)
the married energy and the bickering
the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)
at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*
i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)
9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait
ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep
dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window
dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop
the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car
the infamous fanfiction gap
special shout out to:
5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”
6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)
6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)
7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene
8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”
8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)
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What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?
Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.
4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him.
4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.
5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends.
5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “
5x13 “Sam is my friend.”
5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.
5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW
5x17 Drunk Cas.
5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.
Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.
6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink.
6x10 Pizza Man.
6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute.
6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control.
7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)
7x02 Cas’s death #3?
7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol
7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen
7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!
aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.
Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.
8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.
8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory.
8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!
8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.
8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH
8x21 Badass Castiel
8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now.
Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!
9x01 First look at human Cas!
9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross.
9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover.
9x09 He looks good.
9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.
9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes
9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk
9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb.
9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.
9x23 “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”
10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war
10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings.
10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!
10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.
10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.”
10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!
10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY
10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him.
okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better.
10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-
10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break.
I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.
Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.
11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man.
11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.
11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.
11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode.
11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him.
11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.
11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice
11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy.
Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!
12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him.
12x02 Cas and Mick :)
12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom
12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol
12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me.
12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel.
12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.”
12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.
12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.
Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head.
13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!
13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN
13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!
13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy
13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good
13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol
13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas
13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her
13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy.
13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay
14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good.
14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry.
14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later.
I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man.
14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip!
14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!
14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary
14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box.
Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house.
15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again
15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute.
15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!
15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts
15x13 Just for the family.
15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy
15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(
Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie!
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so I saw some posts in the bellarke tag (from a few bellarke) saying how season 6 bellarke was terrible and that Bellamy was out of character and would never do the things he did for Clarke that season.. and that he was bland, and the cpr scene could’ve been any sappy couple, but like ?? I loved season 6, and I thought Bellamy was in character (as opposed to season 5 where they barely interacted and had any big emotional talks after 6 years of thinking she’s dead and ugh s5 to me felt the least like them) i mean to me him doing anything for her seems like something Bellamy would do? Look at the all past seasons and all the sacrifices and thing he did for her and how protective he was over her for any little thing! I feel like Bellamy leaving everyone to save clarke would be something that would happen? And him basically in tears trying to save her as she’s dying in front of him pleading that he needs her seems in character and something they would do and it felt special and sweet to me :/ how was Bellamy bland for doing the most he can to save someone he loves?? Idk, s6 was one of my favorites for how actually romantic it was and it bums me out hearing some bellarkes hating it. How do you feel about it? Do most of the fandom think it’s ooc and Bellamy’s bland?
I think the most important fact to begin with here would be that you gotta understand something that was also a little hard for me to understand at first but that I learned fast when I got into the fandom and that is that-
Nobody judges Bellamy Blake more than his own fandom.
I’m even gonna be as brave as to say that the pinapples might not even know what to put on his shoulders besides season 3 to blame him for every mistake but we can. We absolutely can say the worst things about him and call him anything.
You know back when I got in the fandom that was season 3 and that was the WORST time to join but haha, silly cute lil me, I knew of so many blogs and Bellamy and Bellarke fans who HATED Bellamy and refused to understand his actions which yes though questionable, were at least supposed to be put under the microscope and understood.
I knew people who hated season 2 Bellamy too which was such a surprise to me, those were mostly original season 1 fans who said that he was *too herioc* in season 2 and it *doesn’t fit his character*.
So after that, like season 3 and everything (and after Bob explained how much was missed on and not told and the better part of the season which made some fans show some mercy towards his character), I decided myself that I’ll always step back, think over everything that happens to him with as clear of a head as I can and decide for myself.
I kept doing it to the end which is also why I am the only one in the fandom who didn’t call him ooc in s7. But THAT is another subject.
I think what I mean here is that nobody and I believe that wholeheartedly is more rude or more brutal to Bellamy Blake than we are. I often felt like we as a fandom hated him more than any anti can and it broke my heart. Most of all what broke my heart was the blatant refusal to understand him or his actions.
I think after season 1 people just had this image of the bad boy rebel king with soft heart who lets Clarke and the 100 in and that was it and that still sells most to these days in fics and amongst the fandom.
That’s literally where they stopped and they refused to add anything else to his multilayered character in their heads.
You asked about season 6 and I LOVE season 6 despite most bellarkers not being fans of it. I think here it comes again a lot to fandom and how the said old gen bellarkers refused to like season 6 bellarke because apparently it wasn’t written as well, the dialogue was bad, they kept recycling stuff, I’ve seen this over and over and over again but for me, personally season 6 was a whole ass trip from beginning to end that is just that-
a love story.
His love story to Clarke.
I think through it he manages to achieve in his heart what he never got to do for her in season 4 and season 5. I have had a few friends at the time who thankfully felt the same way and we discussed the fact that-
season six is filled with all the romantic tropes that we as bellarke writers (and old gen bellarke) KEEP WRITING but complain that we never actually had
WHICH WE DO????
but somehow it is not good enough for them.
So to answer your quesiton, no, not all people in the fandom thought it was bad, but I feel like again as before with just bellamy and season 3 there was this PUSH as if on purpose, to hate this, to condemn it, to call it *not the same*. I understand what they say that yes they are not entirely the same people and here comes my next point-
THEY ARE NOT!
THAT IS FINE.
I think a majority of the people refused to accept the fact that they grow as characters and they have layers added to them just as the story grew and went from one planet to another. I think not everyone can accept that and that is fine, I have no problem with that I just wish it wasn’t just so blatantly hated.
I personally think that the CPR scene is where they PEAKED in all aspects. THIS is the most they’ve been truly romantic I believe that and that it is actually expressed in the DESPERATION with which he saves her and her waking up and throwing herself in his arms. Also let’s not forget his lips touching hers which for us is like basically sex.
And after that scene came out I saw a lot of hate and I was so surprised, mainly on twitter from old bellarkers, fic writers who said LOL what a dumb scene, haha he can’t do CPR right and i was like WHAT-
You were okay when she peckered his cheek for 0,02 secs and left him all the fuck alone in season 2 to deal with EVERYTHING and the kids but this is-
BAD FOR YOU?
HIm reccassitating her and begging her and crying and his own effing sister seeing his break down and then managing to get to her, to make her to pull through and her coming back and throwing herself in his arms IS BAD?
I mean I literally died there and it is still my favorite moment.
I know nobody would agree with this but I still think this is the best one. The hugs were great but at some point how many hugs can you have?
This was more. This was so much more and I loved it.
I think also there is something else when people call some scenes blind and that is that Bob was in a lot of pain filming that because of his injury. He literally couldn’t walk and had to redo some scenes from the beginning of the season back in the end when he was a little bit better so it is clear that it is very hard for him to do this but he still does his best imo and by the time the CPR scene comes he clearly is much better and it shows in his acting too (which is also why i personally love his acting in s7 it shows so much how when an actor takes care of themselves, takes a step back, recovers and comes back he literally crushes it but AGAIN i am a lone wolf in that aspect)
Anyway, here is my advice:
1.Stay out of the tags;
2. Find people who you enjoy seeing on your dash to follow and who do fit your interests in terms of the show.
3.Don’t read ppl’s opinions, frankly, don’t listen to anyone, not even me in that ask if it doesn’t sit right with you. Instead find your own thoughts and emotions.
When I first got in the fandom there was so much meta and meta blogs and you dk the hate I saw in our fandom when it came to bellamy or the wrong discorse about his actions so I just unfollowed them all and did my own thinking.
That’s what i advise you to do!
Thank you for your question, sorry for the length!
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Not all the same
Request (by @emilaa2001 ) : Oh god, I loved what u did with my last request! Could you do Anakin x reader (I feel the need to specify that I want tcw Anakin, since movie one is different) where reader's parents were killed by Jedi (by accident, similar to what happened to ahsoka's friends from s7) and she doesn't trust them. However Anakin is stuck on some planet with no signal and any living inhabitants and tries to convince the reader to help him, thank u UwU, if u don't want to do it it's okay anyway ❤️❤️❤️
Summary : You were only 13 when your parents were killed by jedi, so you had to grow up doing everything yourself and surviving alone. Everyday, your hatred for jedi grew. You had a grudge against them for what they did to you, but you lived on a remote planet that was rarely visited by jedi so you couldn’t take out your anger on them. Until one day when a jedi knight became stranded near your home.
Warnings : Mentions of minor of injury, but it isn’t much. Also I used Y/N in this
Notes : First fic for Anakin!! Thank you for sending in the request!!!! Of course I’ll do it! I hope you like it
Your life, for the most part, was very quiet and peaceful. Ever since your parents were killed when you were just a teenager, you’ve learned how to survive by yourself. But they were killed by jedi, the people who were suppose to be peacekeepers and kind and protect others. You used to live on Coruscant, you were born and raised there. You planet hopped after your parents were gone until you found your current home.
The planet was quiet, not much activity with the war and all. There was one major city but it would usually take half a day to get to from where your home was. You had a decent sized farm so you could feed yourself and sell at the market to make some credits. Your actual house was small. There was one main room with a kitchen and sitting area, a bathroom and a actual bedroom. Beside the house was a shed where you would store food, tools, weapons and more.
You had just arrived home from a day at the market in the main city, tired and ready to hit the hay. But first you had to unload your speeder and put everything away. You groaned as you unmounted your speeder and started to grab your things off of it.
After putting your tools, weapons, and stand items away, you went inside and quickly got ready for bed. You made yourself a quick meal, changed into something a bit more comfortable then immediately went to your bedroom. In your bedroom, there was a decent sized window that faced a large field being framed by mountains. You pulled your curtains closed and turned off your lamp, slowly drifting off to sleep.
A loud noise coming from outside woke you up. You quickly opened your curtains and saw a ship wrecked in the middle of the field. You grabbed a weapon just in case, went outside and mounted your speeder, speeding off to the wreck.
You reached the ship after a few minutes. There was a small fire near the engine but everything else was fine. You spotted the pilot in the cockpit and ran over to get them out. You pried open the cockpit and pulled the pilot out, dragging him over to your speeder. He looked like he was only knocked out with a few bruises so you loaded him onto your speeder and went back to your home.
Anakin opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times. His head hurt and his body felt slightly sore. Last night his ship ran out of fuel mid flight and he had to crash his ship on a planet. Now he didn’t have a way to contact his master or anything. Anakin groaned and sat up, looking around. It was a small room, enough for one, with a window on the opposite wall.
You pushed the curtain that separated your room and the main area aside, some water in your hand. “You’re awake. I went to check your ship and if you go to the main city, you can get it fixed. Here’s some water.” You said, handing the man the cup.
“Thank you. How far away is the city?”
“A half day’s trip. What’s your name?”
“Y/N.” You replied. A growl came from outside, causing both of you to look at the window. “Oh great.” You said sarcastically, grabbing your staff and going outside.
Anakin followed you outside where he saw you standing in front of three weird creatures. He stepped in front of you and activated his lightsaber, the blue light and the noise scaring off the creatures. But it didn’t scare you.
You hit Anakin in the back of the head with your staff, causing him to hit the ground. “Why did you hit me?! I was trying to protect you!”
“You’re a jedi. Your kind killed my parents.” You spat, going back inside.
“Wait, wait, wait! I didn’t kill your parents, and I’m sure the jedi who did, did it accidentally.” Anakin replied, following you inside. You pushed him back out.
“Go away. I don’t want you here. You can have fun trying to get back to your war.”
“Please! I need your help!”
“Anakin...Anakin Skywalker right? The supposed chosen one and fantastic pilot? I think you can fix your ship yourself.” You said, leaning against your door frame.
“Please. I’ll do anything for some help.” Anakin begged. You looked at him and rolled your eyes.
“Fine. But I’m not gonna be nice.” You said.
You actually found some tools in your shed and the two of you went over to Anakin’s ship. The two of you began working on repairing the ship in silence.
“Were your parents good people?” Anakin asked out of nowhere.
You sighed. “Yes, they were so caring and kind. I watched them get killed. A jedi was deflecting some blaster bolts and two of them hit my parents.”
“I’m so sorry. My...my mother died in my arms.”
“And your dad?”
“Never knew him, or had one. My mother said the force gave me to her.” Anakin answered. Silence sat between you two again, focusing on the job at hand. It wasn’t much work, just some rewiring and other things.
Until you heard speeders approaching. You and Anakin turned around and saw some bandits park their speeders a few feet away. “Looks like we struck a deal, a ship to loot and what looks like a fight.” One said.
Anakin stood between you and the bandits, igniting his lightsaber. “And a jedi? Today just keeps getting better and better!” The bandit from before added.
“Leave us alone. We’re just trying to fix my ship, this is none of your business.” Anakin said.
“You made it our business when you crashed in our valley, pal.” Another bandit spoke up.
“This isn’t your valley. I’m the only one who lives here, if you have a problem you can bring it to me.” You chimed in, readying your staff for a fight. The bandits laughed at you while pulling their blasters out.
“You have a staff, we have blasters! What are you gonna do?”
“This.” You said, jumping into action. You ran past Anakin and started to attack the bandits, using your staff to hit the blasters out of their hands. The other bandits started to shoot at you, causing Anakin to block the blaster bolts with his saber. You pressed your backs together, fighting off the bandits.
Eventually, the bandits ran away. You cheered in victory, laughing and giving Anakin a hug. Anakin hugged you back, deactivating his lightsaber and placing it on his belt. You came to your senses and pulled away.
“Umm, sorry. Your ship should be ready to go, just enough fuel to fly a little bit more.”
“My commanding ship shouldn’t be too far away, I should be fine. Thank you, for all the help.”
“No problem. Maybe....maybe not all jedi are the same. I’m sorry for holding my grudge against you, even though you did nothing but be nice to me.”
“It’s fine, I understand your anger.” Anakin smiled at you, causing you to smile back.
“You should crash here more often, it gives me something to do.” You said, causing you two to laugh.
“Maybe I will.” Anakin replied, getting into the cockpit of his ship. As he took off, you waved until he couldn’t see you. You watched the ship leave the atmosphere then began to walk back home.
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Okay, I've just finished S7 and I have so much to say???
First things first, I guess one of the things that I hate the most about this season is that it has so much potential???
Not the Leviathans, that plot has no saving (super monsters that are weak against borax, that can do everything and want to make humans dumb through food? No, thanks).
But Sam's hallucinations??? GIVE ME MORE OF THAT! Not just one episode or two, and some hints of it through other episodes, but if they really developed it? It would be amazing.
Other complaint: they developed their characters throughout six seasons before that one. And they kinda forgot about who those characters really are?
I mean, Dean basically uses Sam's hallucinations against him in ep. 7 and that's so out of character? The same Dean that loves his brother more than anything, that got so pissed of at his best friend for breaking his brother's wall, that would barely speak to Bobby while he was blaming souless!Sam's actions in Sam? Nope.
And Dean basically forgets about the fact that Sam's hallucinating in some episodes or acts like everything is fine, and that's also so ???? I mean, it's Dean and Sam is the one that is suffering, he wouldn't do something like that.
And the plot about Dean's daughter? It was just really dumb. I can't even put it into words, it was just plain dumb. They tried to create a parallel, but it wasn't a good one? So yeah.
And let's talk about Bobby! I felt it was kinda out of character that he stayed too, an experienced hunter like him. But okay, I guess. I also felt like they held him in the serie with that plot, but then the "goodbye" scene was kinda rushed, you know?
On the other hand, Dean's depression? *chef's kiss* I LOVE IT. I NEEDED (more of) IT, as long as they remember who Dean truly is and don't make him OOC.
In short, I just think S7 initiated some great things, but then they wasted their potential and focused on the bad stuff.
Anyway, I just wanted to rant hahaha
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so i’ve been watching rwby
and as I’ve been doing so I’ve been posting reactions to my friends. After S5, S6, and S7, in particular, I had a lot of thoughts and opinions. More under the cut. I’m going to write fic aren’t i?
1. Where is the first/autumn relic?! Like, we've established that Ozpin hid it well, yet for some reason it doesn't feel like that's the whole story - given where the relic was hidden this time, in some sort of n dimentional desert (where, if you looked closely you could see similar ##chemtrails - could people just walk through that desert to get to all of them?
2. I find it hilarious that Weiss just got out of Atlas only to go back, I'm very curious as to what sort of ~~damage this reveals about her in the coming seasons, but I'm also very intrigued by how reintroducing her to her father with the rest of team RWBY will shift/alter the narrative of powerlessness that he seems t be pushing toward her. I'm esp. intrigued as to what his reaction will be to Blake (as he seems very anti-faunus).
3. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR THE #YANGST.
4. The show has been pretty constantly showing us that most of Ruby and Yang's family seems like chill folks, but the ##absentmother trope is strong here. Given that it seems like only Blake has a mom, does Blake's mom adopt everyone?
5. Blake having a fairly functional nuclear family is fascinating to me, because it makes a lot of her choices seem way more political (at a very young age) as opposed to just a kid who got in over her head with a boy who was a bit older. I'd love to know more about this.
6. as a multishipper, I hurt all over.
Item the FIRST: Weiss barely making it out of Atlas only to be dragged, albeit somewhat willingly back to the source of all of her ~ trauma & family drama ~ I am curious to see how this plays out and generally hope that Weiss somehow stabs her shitty dad and Draco Malfoy rip off brother while being reunited with her 100% Cooler Than U sister. Also that Cooler Than U sister works on the unresolved sexual tension she CLEARLY had with Qrow.
Item the SECOND: The show's thoughtful handling of Qrow's alcoholism and Ruby's gentle efforts to push toward sobriety without like being annoyingly moralistic about it. It could have been handled so differently and I really, really enjoyed that it was handled in the way it was.
Item the THIRD: Weiss' new red scarf. adsfajshfaksdjfhthatsgayweissaksdfhaksdjfh
Item the FOURTH: The various Poor Life Choices Salem made during our brief sojourn to the Department of Backstory. Also Jinn is amazing let's keep her around. She can join Jaune, Ren and Nora as a 4th member of their team and just hilariously be naked all the time. 10/10 would watch for hijinks adventures.
Item the FIFTH: Ozpin sulking that he got all his relationship drama put on main like that
Item the SIXTH: Jaune's gay sister and sister-in-law and their baby and and and and (idk I just loved this).
Item the SEVENTH: BLAKE AND YANG HELD HANDS AND MURDERED THEIR TRAUMA TOGETHER PRAISE JESUS AND CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH? NOW KISS.
Item the EIGHTH: My multishipper ass saw that moment between Weiss and Yang when they were stuck in the basement and I'd just like to say I would be happy to see that too.
Item the First: Weiss has a mother. Which we all logically knew she did but that scene with her in Jacques' office was just... a lot. Also raised some very interesting questions. When will Weiss and Ruby bond over alcoholic parental figures, I ask you. On this front, I am also now supremely, supremely curious about Winter's relationship with her mother.
Item the Second: Leftist Weiss. Well we all knew that Weiss wouldn't have voted for her dad anyway, but I think the tension between Weiss's clear orientation toward helping people and government for good and her father/sister's appealing to/embodying other forms of authority (corporate/military). This also raises an interesting point of contention between Weiss and Winter, as Winter's sort of this embodiment of what I'd maybe call a conscientious soldier – where she’s clearly in possession of independent thoughts and opinions, yet also seems to want to appeal to a higher authority whenever she feels conflicted (e.g. “Ironwood is making the hard decisions so we don’t have to.”). This actually draws a very stark line between Winter and Weiss – as Weiss has always been a freer thinker, who can and does think for herself and operate from her own moral compass. The moment at the end of the season between Weiss and Winter was just so delicious as I hope (HOPE HOPE) that they’re setting up for a ~~moment of clarity~ for Winter where she has to make a decision on her own that defies orders in some way for the greater good that Weiss can see so easily. (Also, please, my good gay sisters: Hug. It. Out.)
Item the Third: Leftist Bees (well really, leftist Yang, Blake was always a revolutionary). I absolutely loved the Everyone Is Lying moments in this season, and I do hate that the Bees were the ones caught out in it first. Black and Yang telling Robyn the truth also struck me as something that the pair of them would do anyway – the only other character I could see possibly slipping and letting info get to Robyn is Weiss, but I also got the sense that Weiss understood the politics of the situation better than anyone else and because of this was playing it pretty close to the vest. The Bee’s decision really jives with their partnership. As did getting to watch them fight together so much this season, they’re evolving together, and seeing them fight in tandem is a delight.
Item the Fourth: Splitting whiterose. I like Penny. I actually love Penny. I love Penny and Roby’s dynamic. And their friendship. And how ridiculous they are. But it really struck me that how the whiterose partnership kept on getting split until the final fight against the Spice Force Five. I’m sure there’s a reason for this but I don’t like it and I won’t hear it or respond to it.
Item the Fifth: The Not Spice Girls/Spice Force Five. Love these idiots, but they’re all cops. Marrow is the most delightful of them and seems like he’s about to go on a journey similar to Winter, Harriet sucks a lot, Clover was a delightful almost rip but also mmmwhatchusay. I sort of hated the juxtaposition between team RWBY and them, with the ‘just following orders’ mentality and the lack of friendship/cohesion between these guys. I guess now Winter can join them and they so they can have their Posh Spice.
Item the Sixth: Schneewood Forest. I feel like I could write a whole elaborate backstory with these two. There’s something there – the unstoppable force meets immovable object of it, plus the idea of someone who challenges Winter’s entire belief structure just by being an okay person ~with a merry band of queers~. I feel a lot of things. I want to explore this. Stop me I am in a PhD program.
Item the Seventh: The Tinman’s Heart. Having read all of the Wizard of Oz books, as well as the Wicked series, I actually appreciate that this series is taking nods from both sources for these characters. James’s decisions are … not great but I can see his logic – well right up until the part where he shoots poor Oscar. That was just rude. Also I do love watching him fight because he’s so very, very good.
Item the Seventh: Bisexual Bobs. How very Bi of you Blake. And how useless lesbian of Yang to be all flustered about it. Please kiss.
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How do you imagine the Bellamy and Clarke confession/consumption would look like (in terms of context, scene etc)?
The only things I imagine are too fluffy and not really realistic within the show
So here’s the thing. If I were to imagine that, i could imagine it a thousand different ways and each way I could create a logical story. That’s kind of the point of fanfiction, no? To imagine different ways the story might go? Everything I imagine that isn’t the canon we had onscreen (which was singularly unsatisfying because it erased canon Bellamy, Bellarke and Clarke in the whole season,) becomes a headcanon or fanfic or interpretation or whatever.
So I think a better question here is how to make your imaginings, but keep them in line with tone and reality of the show.
I disagree that fluffy scenes/stories are not realistic within the show. We GOT lots of fluff in the show... but nothing remained fluffy.
Linctavia had super fluff. But their story ended as a tragedy. He left flowers for her that she followed to their little hideaway and then they had a romantic interlude. SUPERFLUFF.
So fluffy does actually work. You just also have to temper it with the darkness of the world. Even in that fluffy scene, we had a romeo and juliet, we can never overcome our family’s differences. Which ended up being true for them, if not for other people.
I would actually argue that it’s the combination of love and beauty and poetry with the tragic failings of humanity that made the show so great.
To the extent that when Clarke and Bellamy lost all the love and beauty and poetry in their stories, the story was ruined. All that was left was the tragedy of humanity’s failings, and that was an unsatisfying story.
If you look at Memori’s story, they got to keep the fluff+tragedy. Emori died, but Murphy sacrificed himself to live with her in his mind, a beautiful story for them, and then they ended up on the beach together (another ruination of story as it was humanity’s dead end, but if you look at it only as “well they got to live together in peace” then it’s a happy ending.)
A good example of a happy ending in The 100 was Marper. They got to live together in peace, and have a child, although they were lonely without their friends. But the biggest difference there is that they found HOPE for humanity. They worked towards saving the last of humanity, where s7 had everyone in that dead end, where they were essentially ghosts and could never reproduce and humanity was now over. (such a bad ending. boo.) Marper’s was great.
So while Bellarke never got an ending at all, not even a tragic one like Kabby, where the flaws of the characters led them into dark places... well no, Abby’s flaws led them to dark places while Kane refused to let them go there. He learned and grew, she collapsed. That’s a tragic ending, but it’s a realistic one. But bellarke’s story just disappeared, and they pretended that they hadn’t been telling it all this time. That’s the biggest flaw in the story there. It COULD have ended up tragic like Linctavia or like Kabby. Or bittersweet like Marper or Memori.
With s7 the way it was, I imagine the confession should have come when he came back from the dead and they had their confrontation. It should have. They should have admitted their feelings and that should have been important to the story. Then they could have gone on to have Clarke kill Bellamy ACCIDENTALLY, like she was aiming for Cadogan and Bellamy stepped in front of the bullet. That would make more sense. The story after that didn’t make sense. It didn’t fit with Clarke’s character, or what she’d done in the past when she lost people. But okay, lets say they did end up on that beach. Bellamy should have been there, and then they’d get the chance to live out their ghostly existences together. Still not a good ending, but it would have kept it from tanking the whole story except for Memori.
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how would you rank the seasons from least to most favourite?
alright okay right off the bat worst season season 7. for starters i think this season has no staying power i mean like since i’ve been running this blog 4 so long now my knowledge of charmed is encyclopedic and insanely vast more than like it ever need be but for the longest time. i could not remember season 7. like wtf even happened there?? evidently leo became human??? cole returned? the avatars??? like all of it was just. it’s not even necessarily forgettable it’s just i straight up could not remember it for the longest time. and i’ve said it before the concept of utopia was way to advanced for a show like charmed to tackle i am not watching charmed for moral philosophy i am watching bc i love these girls ♥ hee hee hoo hoo magic adventure ✨ tho if i am to offer a single comment on utopia: it’s awfully rich for a show to go on about destiny and fate and then take a stand against utopia in the name of free will. but w/e. i don’t like leo in the avatars i don’t like his dynamic with piper in this season i don’t like whatever phoebe’s doing this season there’s like leslie?? maybe there’s someone else? boring & flavorless they should have been setting up her endgame instead of puttering around. and kyle. zoo wee mama. could have been a great antihero. morally gray. duplicitous. self serving. but no. they gave him all those traits and called him hero/love interest. s7 left a lot to be desired out of the characters and their relationships also gave us phat L’s such as the charmed ones are werewolves don’t worry about it and feminism peaked with naked women. shout out to zankou: demon, dilf, dub & the noir episode.
you know what? fuck it i’ll say it second worse season 5 genuinely fuck season five. this is probably a Very Specific beef 2 me But. i hate what they did to the charmed universe. this was the season that marked the transition of charmed from supernatural drama to campy soap which like. i love camp! i do! but fr. fuck this season and what it did to the worldbuilding. the early season have Such A Vibe to them man with warlocks and witches and just a couple niche monsters from assorted lore that the show took and made their own. season five opens with mermaids goes directly into fairytales then gives us superheros whatever the fuck was going on in that mummy episode the sandman leprechauns and nymphs. and i hate it for that. it takes away from this urban fantasy things that go bump in the night what lurks in the shadows of the back alleys of san francisco in favor of the ugliest cinderella dress ever put to television and an onslaught of horrible irish accents for a full episode. other issues with season five: cole’s still here? why? they don’t know and neither will you! we’re not redeeming him! phoebe’s not getting back together with him! yes he died we just refuse to let him go! the cherry on top of course being a cole-centric 100th episode. shout out to. hmm. lemme think about what i actually liked about this season. i like jason dean as a love interest i don’t remember what he did in s5 but i know he was there. the season finale i’ve talked about how stupid & shitty it was but idc i still love that episode and then shout out to bacarra the only original villain this season that was a proper serve. the crone gets second place.
next on this come on we all saw it coming season 8. it’s a bad season! and i get bts there was a whole lot happening budget cuts missing actor etc. but it goes beyond that. it was a bad season. billie and christie were bad. and i’ve said this before but billie in herself is not an inherently bad character. she was just the literal worst for the show. she was a dollar store buffy blonde confident cocky skilled and ready 2 fight evil But. we are not following her like we followed buffy we are following her mentors. it’s like if we had a show called giles that aired for seven seasons And Then buffy showed up. billie was insanely irritating to watch from our perspective and in general wasn’t like. well written. attempts to humanize her / give her more depth often fell flat. and then christy. oh nelly. oh my god. barely a character. not well acted but hey it would have been a miracle if she was. negatives include dumain who was a mess omg bringing back the triad bringing back the source billie & christy obvi and also involving homeland security. which is season 7′s fault which is why it’s the worst. dubs on the other hand include both coop and henry i really liked them the shoehorned love interests weren’t great but i like their characters i though the way the got rid of leo to save on the budget was really creative and gave us a great piper episode and of course the sugary sweet finale i love it i do what can i say.
yet another controversial choice aptly coming in fourth is season 4. i respect what season 4 set out to do. i think it was a good idea. long form narratives, keeping a darker tone, focusing on character-driven drama and growth. too bad it fucking failed miserably at all of this. cole as the source and phoebe as the queen of hell was just so so botched. they had a very unique opportunity following the death of prue to explore these characters and what it means to them to be charmed, to be witches. they saved the world but the cost is insanely high. they’ve lost an older sister. they’ve gained a new sister. how do you even begin to cope with all this? episodes such as hell hath no fury and brain drain fuck so hard because they work with exactly that. had the whole season been like those episode season four would sit at number one with flying colors absolutely no competition. but alas. we can’t have nice things. the show got so bogged down with phoebe & cole, in a way that was just so, so messy. for starters, whether you loved cole or hated him before, we can all agree source!cole sucked. he was such a strong 180 from what we had seen that the show had to make the source some type of possession to justify half the shit they were trying to pull. and then to pit phoebe and paige against one another over a man was just. disgusting. and the ending of course felt rushed because it was! they wrapped up that entire issue in a nice little bow much faster than they reasonably should have been able to. it could have been a great season. it was definitely not. shout out to the seer an iconic mastermind on barbas levels, as previously stated brain drain and hell hath no fury Specific shout out to piper’s scene at prue’s grave shout out to paige as a character i like what they did with her and um. yeah that’s it.
okay we’re exiting the shit tier in favorite of the good tier welcome to the upper half. kicking us off is season 6. season 6 did what season 4 could not in that it gave us a long form plot that still left plenty of room for like. normal demon of the week episodes. i love phoebe early in this season with her faboo haircut her brand new empathy power and her relationship with jason dean. obvious strikes against for whatever the fuck that baby crazy stint was and also the mata hari episode. yikes. i love paige’s hair color in this season nothing paige as a character necessarily stands out to me however i like how they seem to have hit the blend of work-magic with paige where she wants a life and career outside of magic however she still loves the craft and embraces is with an open heart and mind. season six also gives us chris who was a very fun male lead imo we really didn’t have many like him he’s bitchy. he whines and bitches a lot he’s got an agenda he’s a bit secretive but at the end of the day he just wants a family i like him. i like the character growth we see out of piper i like seeing her try to move on from leo i love seeing her get back together with leo i like her dynamic with chris and her fears about motherhood. i also liked richard but that one takes a lot of justification. L’s are witchstock hyde school reunion used karma off the top of my head also the paige/richard/addiction plotline was so tone deaf. also the girls were mean to darryl : ( he deserved so much better. dubs were chris as a character, tbh the episode little monsters, phoebe with empathy specifically saying i love you too to jason i could write a dissertation on that line alone also the courtship of wyatt’s father and i thought the reveals of evil wyatt and chris being piper and leo’s son were both fun and interesting plot twists.
coming in third is actually season 2 a season i really do love it’s just. it lacks structure. imo there is a lot to love about season 2 morality bites and pardon my past are both delightful time travel episodes we get jack sheridan and bane jessup two of my personal favorite prue love interests we get p3 h2o and a great prue plotline regarding the death of patty we get the super cute cupid episode it’s a great. collection of episodes. it’s not a great season. there’s just imo not a strong enough thread connecting the stories together it’s mainly held together by having the same characters in it over and over again i really liked dan personally but like. i knew we were wasting time there. he was just an obstacle. a super cute loving and caring obstacle who’s great with kids but lbr piper and leo were always endgame. wasting our time on dan was stupid. i do love the sister dynamics in season two “gotta hand it to those pesky little demons they sure have brought us closer together” but again. this season could have benefitted from a rex and hannah type or even like a cole or zankou. this season is less of a season and more of just like a handful of episodes, and while there are some fat dubs, there are also some definite swings & misses. shout out to the time travel episodes the prue centric episodes phoebe’s character growth and maturity throughout this season (e.g. her going back to college) and i also think the fashion got a lot more fun this season.
second place i’m saying season one season one was a really strong start and gave us these really compelling characters with interesting relationships between one another But. a lot of it just kinda falls flat. and credit where credit is due it was a brand new show getting its feet under it but the fourth sister feats of clay which prue is it anyway they just simply aren’t dubs imo. also i don’t like that 70′s episode bc again i am an asshole concerned about The Lore i can’t believe one bitch ass warlock caused the Charmed Ones to grow up without powers. it just really bugs me. all in all the plots as a whole like aren’t great imo they’re nothing to write home about (save for from fear to eternity) it’s really the characters that make this season so goddamn good.
first place congratulations to the one the only season three. this is just because it kinda hits all my requirements in that it has some banger one offs (e.g. all halliwell’s eve, the good, the bad, and the cursed) it has an overarching plot at the exact same time as the source becomes more prominent and obvi cole is also there with murderous intent i like the character growth we see especially from prue i like piper and leo finally get married overall i really like the aesthetic of this season that blends a darker urban fantasy tone with still some charmed fashion and whimsy. strikes against tbh phoebe and cole’s relationship i am insanely picky with my enemies to lovers and the do not come remotely close to cutting the mustard in fact they are almost immediately disqualified however from afar i can see and respect The Drama. shout out to recasting victor prue with pistols death as a character and shannen directing episodes
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End of S15 Spec: Is Cas Returning to Heaven?
My dearlings, my sweetlings, my buttery, Scottish shortbreads -
We’re in times of great turmoil right now and my only way to relax myself out of the need to check my Twitter feed every other minute and retweet all the inspiring or infuriating or educational stuff that’s coming at me left, right and centre, is to write. I started working on this piece of spec a little while back, after talking to @waywardliliana (hey girl hey) and last week I felt inspired to start writing this spec-meta-hopes-and-wishes-whathaveyou, so here we are.
This spec was actually brought on by Liliana telling me a prevailing theory in fandom right now (or a few weeks back) which is that Cas is going to die in 15x18.
As far as I understand it from Liliana, this theory is based on the fact that Jensen and Misha were talking at VegasCon about having shot a heavy scene just the two of them (and quite possibly with Alex) before heading off to the con, and this scene is taking place sometime during 15x18.
That’s literally all I know, but that’s what I’m basing this spec on: something heavy happening between Dean and Cas in 15x18 as per “confirmed” by the actors themselves.
So, off the cuff: I don’t think Cas is going to die.
Mostly due to narrative reasons, because I can’t see how him dying would service the story they’ve built for him this season whatsoever (let’s not forget about his deal with the Empty) (and I’ll dig deeper into that) nor how it would play into his individual arc as a whole, but also because it’s too repetitive.
We’ve seen him die an angel death, we don’t need to see it again, nor would it be as impactful as Cas’ death at the end of S12 (and beginning of S7) where both instances can be looked at as serving to push Dean into a state of grief, where we got the chance to feel the loss and absence of Cas through how it affected Dean. Yeah? (yes!)
It’s always been beautifully handled, to be honest. Dean losing faith (and most starkly his faith in himself) when losing Cas. It happened in the S7 greif arc, and it happened in an even more condensed and pointed way in S13.
Because in S13, unlike in S7, Dean is no longer forcing a smile and pretending he’s okay. Instead, he’s wearing his anger like the armour it is, while telling Sam he’s fine, which Sam sees through very easily, and we do too, because of course he’s not fine. Until we finally get Dean admiting he needs Sam to keep the faith, because right now Dean can’t believe in a damn thing.
*mh mh good*
(it even happened to some extent in S15 after Cas left) (though then he was more in the I don’t give a fuck anymore mood) (once Cas comes back who is it that suddenly cracks the case of how to fight God wide open?) (yup) (our Dean that’s who)
So what would Cas dying bring to Dean’s individual arc this time around?
What would Cas dying mean for Cas’ individual arc?
Cas has died specifically to underpin Dean’s progression (or rather, to show us where that progression needs to take him) (and to give us a gorgeous underlining of how Cas is Dean’s happiness because of Dean’s attitude change when Cas comes back in S13) (hey-oh!) and Cas has died specifically to allow for his own rebirth, to push him into a new stage in his own progression toward self-actualisation, so killing him at the end of his journey would mean… he ends up in the Empty?
But the tying up of the dangling loose end that is Cas’ deal with the Empty needs to be linked directly to Cas giving himself permission to be happy.
I will dig deeper into this, but I doubt we’re getting him permitting himself to be happy in 15x18, because looking at this show’s narrative structure as it’s always been used before: either this moment needs to be linked back to his individual arc and his growing sense of identity, or it needs to be tied to Dean (because no enormous turning point for either character happens without it affecting the other) and neither of these are, to me, entirely viable.
That said, I mostly don’t see Cas ever going back to the Empty based in what I see the Empty as symbolically representative of, which is Cas’ Shadow, his unconscious, and Cas returning to its dwelling is a symbolical statement of defeat. He can’t fight the Empty, he can’t destroy the Empty, not while he is in the place where the Empty has the upper hand completely. Cas ending up in the Empty means his Shadow has won, there will be no integration, no self-actualisation, and Cas’ journey ends on a tragic note indeed.
Is that a fair reward for someone who has just overcome his fear of happiness? Because when the Empty shows to claim Cas, we’ll know that this is exactly what has happened, and it’s an incredibly important moment for Cas’ progression, signaling self-acceptance and self-love, daring to allow himself to feel that happiness, and, or so I would hope, doing so in clear defiance of the Empty’s lingering threat.
Because Cas feeling that strong in himself that he actually permits himself the happiness of the moment, knowing full well that it means the Empty will show, and feeling ready to face it head on (I mean, I have a loophole in mind, but I’ll get to that), it would be gigantically symbolic of how he’s crossing that threshold he’s been stood on for so long, no longer letting any of his fears rule him, no longer feeling any doubt or mistrust in himself.
Cas actually being claimed right after his happiest moment and ending up in the Empty is not a fair reward, and Cas will not be narratively punished for reaching the climax of his progression.
So, no, I simply do not believe he’s set to die.
More on the Empty and all that happiness goodness as we go along.
Now, the following thoughts are based in my reading of this narrative, so let’s proceed with caution and I’m handing out salt for you to sprinkle all over this piece of pure speculation. Sprinkle it at will, please!
Let’s begin with my main speculation for the final few episodes of S15, which is:
Cas’ powers are fully restored and he goes back to Heaven.
How would this happen? I would suggest that, as we’re witnessing Jack begin to come into his full power (he’s already levelled up from archangel), growing ever more sure of himself in the process, we may get to witness the full extent and wonder of that power, and what better way to showcase the budding culmination of them, than through Jack mending Cas’ broken wings?
Of course, this is mere conjecture. There are a multitude of ways that Cas might end up powered up. Even God could play a role. Suggesting Jack is the source of this transformation is merely to create a foundation for the scenario, and it’s also fitting, as Jack has served to bring Cas a great deal of faith in his own capabilities, so Jack would serve well to give Cas the final push toward self-realisation, and Cas may very well need to remember what being whole as an angel feels like, to gain perspective on how to answer the ever-lingering questions of who he is and who he wants to be.
The biggest questions on the table for me, if this were to happen, are:
Would we get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven?
Would we get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, would we get Cas, fully powered, gain the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life?
And finally —>
Is there a middle ground here?
There’s an old narrative question that comes to mind, posed to Cas in S9 (you know of which I speak), which is an articulation of Castiel’s deepest internal conflict, serving as motor for the character journey he’s pushed onto through meeting, and saving, Dean Winchester.
Two years ago I wrote an essay based around this question, and now, at the very end, I’m going to pose it again, and build the following meta analysis and speculation around what my answers to the above questions are, and why.
Angel or Man?
One straightforward question.
And yet, Cas’ identity crisis has been with him from the very start of S4, and this question has been at the back of his mind, grating away, causing confusion and erroding his sense of self, because he’s loyal to everyone but himself (perfectly mirroring Dean) and that dual loyalty - Heaven and Dean (humanity) - has always been the baseline for why he can’t answer this straightforward question for himself.
Since S13, when he got himself out of the clutches of the Empty and chose to return to Earth, there’s been, to my mind, a heavy subtextual hinting at Cas having made an actual and very real choice of where he wants to belong - no longer waiting to be told he belongs there, the way he’s shown to be throughout S12 - and this real choice of where he wants to belong comes after we’ve gotten to witness his declaration of love towards Dean and the Winchesters, Cas telling them they’re his family in 12x12, so it fits nicely with his internal progression.
It fits especially nicely when considering the Empty as a symbolic representative of Cas’ Shadow (Carl Jung for the win).
Because Cas standing up to his unconscious fears and telling them to release him makes a double underlining for why Cas, from 13x04 and onward, has been shown to be growing into his sense of belonging, leading to him finding clarity of where to draw the line for himself, without worrying about outside opinion; this moving into a sense of real self-worth reaching a culmination in him standing up for himself to Dean in 15x03.
In fact, Cas standing up for himself was an enormous internal turning point for him, and brought on an enormous internal turning point for Dean, which may hopefully lead to clarity for him as well, and healing, as Cas putting his foot down forced Dean to finally be the one to name the feeling that usually overrides everything else: his anger.
(many secondary characters have tried to bring this awareness as they’ve pointed this out to him) (dark!Kaia especially) (but it took Cas’ righteous anger and distancing for Dean to finally be forced into a position to admit it to himself) (and through it, admit his lack of control over it) (huuuuge step in his movement toward much needed self-insight) (being honest with yourself is the first step!)
Now, if Cas has been shown to choose where he wants to belong, for himself: Earth; then throughout S13 and into S14 he was still shown to be heavily reliant on his core trait of loyalty in order to have a pronounced direction, because, to me, his purpose throughout these two seasons leading into S15 still needed to be dictated by where he could apply his sense of duty.
Once he returned from the Empty, it was made perfectly clear that his sense of duty had gone from Heaven, to Humanity.
Not only is this shown through how Cas states, more than once, that he willed himself back to Earth in order to fulfull his promise to Kelly Kline and protect her son, but it’s also given to us in how he uses his angelic powers for torture, once of his own accord, and then (horrifyingly) under the orders of Dean: Cas no longer serves Heaven, he serves Man. (more specifically Dean)
However horrifying - because he shouldn’t be taking orders at all, and he shouldn’t use his powers as a weapon like that - this shift is necessary to underline Cas’ evolving relationship with Heaven, which had its first nail driven into its coffin with Naomi, when she forced Cas to slaughter all those Deans, and its final nail given to us through Cas killing Duma, Cas showing us that he is now refusing to allow Heaven to exact any authority over him and, intriguingly enough for where we’re at now, rather choosing to deplete the needed Heavenly power source in order to kill a would-be oppressor, rather than see Heaven fall back into its previous totalitarian mode of regime.
Cas learning lessons in humanity and wanting to take them to Heaven to fix his home has been part of his arc since the end of S5, to rather disastrous effect, since he was ill-equipped to properly understand and incorporate lessons only half-learned.
Through him breaking away from Dean and leaving the bunker in 15x03, Cas showed independence in a way he never has before.
Of course, he’s always been the one to leave at a moment’s notice or disappear without so much as a by-your-leave, but this was a confrontation, tied directly to Dean’s inability to listen and to forgive.
It’s Cas refusing to be taken for granted, and this shows us how the biggest lesson the narrative has been trying to teach him is finally beginning to take proper hold, because refusing to be taken for granted means that his self-worth is at a point where he’s able to expect more for himself, because he knows he deserves better.
And, or so this meta writer would argue, because he knows Dean is better than how he’s behaving, and Cas is fed up with enabling Dean’s self-righteousness. *headcanon*
So, Cas is now equipped with a lot of the tools needed to bring actual balance to Heaven, to bring strong, good leadership that doesn’t look at human beings as something to scrape off the sole of their shoe. He has a stronger understanding of why humans human, and a sense of compassion that doesn’t cause doubt or confusion, but leaves him secure in his own viewpoint.
That said, we still have him identifying himself as a “thing” in the latter part of S14, which is something that leaves us without the actual answer to the above question, because even towards the end of S14 we have Cas unable to label himself as either or.
In fact, I would say that labeling himself a “thing” alongside Jack - a nephilim who is of Heaven, Earth and Hell - speaks to some amount of identity confusion.
Let’s ponder the final episodes - keeping in mind we’re just having some fun speculating - and consider the possibilities surrounding the final destination of Cas’ character journey, as well as how the possible outcomes affect his relationship with Dean.
Castiel, Angel of the Lord
Scenario the First —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…
We get a heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas in 15x18 (heavy stuff), where their respective role in the other’s growth comes to a conclusion, and they take the lessons learned and carry on alone, but fulfilled, and grateful for having known each other, leading to a series ending where Cas stays in Heaven.
I mean, it’s emotionally neat, to be honest, because if we leave Destiel to the side and look at the plain text, Dean and Cas’ bond can be tied to their respective individual journeys through how Cas represents Faith to Dean, and Dean represents Humanity to Cas.
They are each other’s most repressed sides manifested, and they are an externalisation of each other’s internal compass, pointing them to the internal work they need to do to be able to reach self-actualisation through acknowledging, accepting and embracing what the other represents to them.
For Dean, it’s learning to have faith in himself, to trust, and in so doing, letting go of his need for control, tied directly to that anger of his.
For Cas, it’s facing and fully accepting the innate humanity he’s always displayed, trusting in it and having no reason to question, doubt or fear it.
So if we get a series ending where Dean is finally having pronounced faith (in himself, not in a higher power) (which is why God as the Big Bad is especially fitting like omfg), and this faith allowing him to tap into his sense of trust (in others rather than himself, but also this extended trust being possible thanks to his newfound trust in himself) and this sense of trust brings about some much needed inner peace, then Cas’ role in Dean’s arc has been fulfilled.
And if we have Cas bringing his accrued understanding and internalised humanity (trusting that his sense of compassion is a strength, not a weakness) back to Heaven in order to bring about actual balance and finally mending what he himself has played a large part in breaking apart, then that would fit with Cas’ overall arc and the lessons Dean, as a role model, was meant to teach will be implemented.
Except for the fact that, if Cas goes fully-fledged angel, returns to Heaven and the series ends on him staying there, these three narratively unsatisfactory points hold true:
He will still, when dead, be bound for the Empty
He will be giving up his family
He will, end of the day, be embracing duty over freedom
Yeah, we need to talk about these three unsatisfactory points, fam.
1. The Empty
Ah, yes, here we go.
The lay of the land is that Cas made a deal with the Empty to save Jack. I wrote a long meta on this so I won’t go into too much detail, save to say that it’s a deal that left Cas promised to the Empty, with the twist that the Empty won’t claim Cas before he gives himself permission to be happy.
Yeah. Ouch much?
I’ve already argued my point for why I doubt Cas will die, but what would happen in a scenario where Cas returns to Heaven fully-fledged, meant to remain there for the rest of his… existence?
I would suppose there would needs be a reckoning between the Empty and Cas before Cas commits to this return, because since they planted the Empty lording its deal with Cas over Cas’ head as recently as 15x13, I have a hard time seeing the writers solving this plot point with anything less than us seeing Cas relaxing into a moment of happiness-permission.
That said, let’s say they do. Let’s say there’s a flick-of-the-wrist solution. I don’t think there will be, but for the sake of argument. And by flick-of-the-wrist I mean we get the Empty showing up in a moment where Cas is truly happy, but the Empty’s appearance doesn’t hold sway thanks to some external force: Jack or Death herself, rather than an internal triumph linked entirely to his individual arc, or in any way linked back to Dean.
(and though some may argue against the love story being canonically viable) (though I’d argue that it is) (the fact that Dean and Cas share a profound bond and a different dynamic to Sam and Cas, and even Dean and Sam, is canonically established) (through both grief!arcs for Dean) (and through Cas choosing to leave in S15 having everything to do with Dean and absolutely nothing to do with Sam)
Solving the deal with the Empty is fairly easily done, even though the flick-of-the-wrist solution won’t be as satisfactory for most of us who know Cas and root for him, and even if the flick-of-the-wrist moment could conceivably come with someone powerful enough (like Jack or even Death, who, though she won’t do hands on interference, seems to have made a promise to the Empty that it will get to go back to sleep once all is said and done) (but, as we know, Billie speaks in riddles), despite the viable characters possibly powerful enough to destroy the Empty, actually destroying it immediately feels, to me, like too big of a cop out and I doubt the writers would even consider it.
Again, this is very much based in my reading of the Empty as Cas’ Shadow, and Cas’ Shadow shouldn’t be destroyed.
For it all to symbolically line up, the Empty should be symbolically integrated.
(the way Michael - Dean’s Shadow representative - wasn’t destroyed, but instead had his essence swallowed down by Jack, becoming a part of him instead, and all that symbolic toxic masculinity poison inside Jack leading to all sorts of narrative repercussions, needing to be levelled out by Jack growing enough to retrieve his soul and return his own internal equilibrium) (which, in turn, is highly symbolic on so many levels) (but enough digression)
Based on this, once the battles are won and God has been defeated, the Empty would remain. So even though the deal is dealt with through whatever means it’s dealt with: that dark, vast, nothing would be the place where angels who die go to suffer a restless, horrific sleep.
And that’s my first argument for why I personally do not want Cas to remain an angel past the conclusion of the show: the Empty looms as victor and will eventually get to claim Cas, even if Cas gets out of the deal he’s made.
I mean, how likely is it that Cas doesn’t face death at some point, really? He’s pretty prone to dying, especially dying for what he believes to be right.
Digression into The Middle Ground as it should be tied in here:
The Middle Ground
Scenario the Third —>
Is there a middle ground here?
Now, here’s a bit of a rub, because way I see it, exploring if there’s a possibility of Cas ending up neither fully-fledged nor human needs to be based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all.
Which means that, in this middle ground scenario, whatever exchange that occurs between Dean and Cas in 15x18 has nothing to do with them.
For example, the heavy scene that Jensen and Misha were talking about Dean and Cas suffering through could have to do with Jack, though if something terrible is going to happen to Jack or if Jack is going to sacrifice himself for the greater good, I have a hard time seeing Sam not being present.
However, for arguments sake…
In this scenario, where Cas doesn’t power up, we should thirdly assume that we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either.
He simply remains in the same shape and form in which he currently is.
The same shape and form that he’s held since S9, when he suited back up after the human!Cas arc and readied himself for war, necessarily and formidably and to his emotional detriment for many years as it brought on his darkest arc (Lucifer possession).
This choice was a narrative necessity, because human!Cas was already growing into his own skin by 9x09, and it’s made perfectly clear why Cas had to go through it all, because he had to face his fear of being useless without his powers, and unaccepted as an equal and nothing more than expendable with them.
So, would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?
And by narratively satisfactory I mean that this scenario:
ties up loose ends
justifies the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression
leaves us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative
I’ll get back to this, but for now I’ll reiterate how Cas remaining an angel in any shape or form, be it the one he’s had for many a season, or a new and powered up version, still means, as per our narrative, that he’s going to have to spend eternity in the Empty.
To me - not satisfactory.
Now for the second point up for discussion, should the series end with Cas becoming fully-fledged and returning to Heaven to stay there —>
(while bearing in mind that this is all conjecture and based in my reading of this narrative) (don’t forget them pinches of salt, my loves)
2. Giving Up His Family
Would he have to give up his family, though? If he goes fully-fledged and returns to Heaven to lead in any capacity, doesn’t that just mean that he’ll hear Dean’s prayers and return as often as he can? Which, if their previous track record is anything to go by, would be often. It’s not like this is an ending, right?
I think it has to be for the narrative to actually have a conclusion.
They could half-ass it and leave the ending open to interpretation, sure; but the question as it stands to be answered is for Castiel to choose between being an angel and being a man, and narratively the half-assed answer is how he’s been living for the majority of his journey.
He has, since S9, been sincerely stuck between these two modes of existing, one foot in Heaven and the other out of it, and for a lot of his progression, this half-assed state of existence has meant horribly broken wings and thinking himself only useful as a weapon.
The narrative itself has pushed for Cas’ internal conflict to be centered on how to honestly answer the question of what his true identity is, and the only way for him to answer it honestly is to gain perspective enough so that he’s able to take a long hard look at who he wants to be.
Due to this, Cas’ internal conflict, since S4, has been circling Cas’ avoidance of being honest with himself. (perfectly mirroring Dean)
So for the narrative to end on the answer being angel, only for Cas to continue to be allowed to half-ass it (because it would be too sad to watch him make a choice that means giving up his family) leaves his journey, and all those hard-learned lessons, coming across as rather pointless.
He was stuck half-assing it for all these years because he hadn’t found the needed perspective to answer the question honestly, so if his honest answer is angel and this honest answer is meant to bring self-actualisation and a step toward real internal balance (or internal completion, if you will) then leaving him in a half-assing it state as the narrative concludes is unsatisfactory.
Let’s look again at the ways to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey:
tying up loose ends
justifying the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression
leaving us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative
The answer is yes to all of these points if Cas becomes a fully-fledged angel and STAYS in Heaven, with no detours to Earth, because angels aren’t meant to walk the Earth, and it was them walking the Earth after staying away for two thousand years that really started this whole roller coaster ride of destruction and mayhem, right? Right.
Castiel making peace with his past and accepting the fact that he was never meant to live an earthbound existence, taking all the good things humanity has taught him, and fully embracing his own innate humanity in order to take away the fear and indoctrination of Heaven, would make for a satisfactory ending to his individual arc.
At least the superficial reading of it.
And I’m not about the superficial reading of it.
And of course I don’t want this for Cas. But looking at it from a purely narrative viewpoint, I can see how this could work.
It just means that Cas would have to recognise his ties to Dean for what they are (in this scenario): a teachable moment. And Cas has learned his lessons. And he’ll always be grateful, but it’s time for him to let go.
Yeah, like I said, I don’t want this for Cas or for Cas and Dean, but I can see it as viable. More viable than Cas half-assing it as a fully-fledged angel, because that leaves a much bigger narrative exclamation point for me in that it basically invalidates the necessity for his broken wings and rebellion as part of his character growth.
If he’s going to land back exactly where he started, then he should’ve been able to get there fully-fledged. But, of course, he couldn’t get there fully-fledged because the writers couldn’t work him into the narrative if he was powered up.
He was always too powerful an ally to the very breakable brothers, and if he’d been fully-fledged throughout, it would’ve messed up our sense of the stakes.
But now, should he be allowed to half-ass it as fully-fledged once the narrative has ended, his brokeness, which has always been so essential to his progression, will come across much less as an integral part of that, and all the more like nothing but a narrative necessity, rather than a way to structure and explore Cas’ needs as a character for internal growth that have always, so beautifully, mirrored Dean’s needs.
Of course, if Cas were to choose to go back (forever), then there’s the highly satisfactory tie-back potential of a goodbye between Cas and Dean linking right back to the end of S8, giving us the gravitas of the “ET goes home” moment in full regalia.
It would be heartbreaking af, but for it to hold that gravitas, ET really has to get on that spaceship and go off home forever this time. You know?
In my book, it would be the tragedy to end all tragedies. *please no*
3. Duty over Freedom
This is a big one for me.
It’s a big one because the overarching and driving themes of our narrative have always had to do with —>
identity (and self-worth)
family (and loyalty)
freedom of choice (and duty)
And the constant push and pull of these three thematic threads decrees the ups and downs of Cas’ progression, as well as Dean’s, because of the way that their deeply rooted view on duty is directed at everything and everyone but themselves, and this view on duty is informed by their sense of loyalty, and that sense of loyalty is all askew due to their lack of self-worth.
Sam has this same duty-triggered sense of loyalty as well, though in a slightly different guise, because though Dean and Cas have both been messed up by their respective fathers’ indoctrination into soldierdome (the root of the root of their view on duty) Sam’s sense of duty is to his father figure, which is Dean.
Sam may have rejected feeling any sense of duty towards John, but the codependency has ensured that Sam is still stuck in the same pattern, has learned it, one might say, through looking up to Dean and, to my mind, knowing the sacrifices Dean has always made, putting Sam first, no matter what, and the codependency has held due to Sam’s diminished self-worth after every choice he made during his time with Ruby.
Defeating the devil and saving the world, in spite of those choices, wasn’t enough to heal the trauma he inflicted on his own self-perception, and his trust began to seep out of him with every new situation lobbied at him where control was taken away from him. So he handed that control over to Dean. And let him lead. Because it was just easier.
(I love this show so much) (the threading is so breathtaking)
Now, back to Cas —>
The narrative has worked to teach Cas a lesson.
The lesson of choice.
But making choices without having the self-worth to trust your innate instincts, as well as having an understanding of your own morals and boundaries, is a recipe for disaster.
As the narrative has shown us, time and again.
Each horrific choice Cas has made has been pushing for him to gain enough self-insight that he’ll learn from his mistakes, and grow.
And he has.
There is the darker side of duty, the one where one does what one has to, where one makes the bad deal, where fear is allowed to govern one’s sense of direction, and old patterns are easier to remain in than forging new ones.
This is the sense of duty all of our main characters seem set to break away from.
But, of course, their core traits are also informed by their deeply felt need to protect innocent life, to step in where they know they’re the only ones who can actually make a difference, to take responsibility for ensuring the safety of people who are in harms way.
Yah, this sense of duty (the one that makes them into actual heroes) is informed by the good side to loyalty.
What they need to break away from is following old patterns blindly, without asking themselves what they actually want, and without much planning or hope for the future.
So if the scenario we get is the one that gives us Castiel, Angel of the Lord, where he goes back to Heaven at the end of the series, with all the bells and whistles that comes along with that, allowing Cas to actually bring about some sense of peace and order and fix his home, then we still get the unsatisfactory ingredient of Cas reverting back to old patterns, because we have this stated:
You listen to me. Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you… It’s been the best part of my life, and the things we’ve shared together - they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.
We have it narratively stated through dialogue that Cas:
considers his time on Earth the best part of his “life” (a very human thing for an angel to say btw)
that what he’s shared with the Winchesters has changed him (and we’ve seen that manifested in all of the choices he’s made throughout S13-15 where he stopped serving Heaven, began serving Man only to, by beginning of S15, start to serve himself, listening to his own wants and needs and setting clear boundaries for how he expects to be treated)
that he considers the Winchesters - and, of course, this now includes Jack - as his family
and he loves them
He loves them. One might say that his heart is, symbolically, earthbound.
Back to the bulletpoint overview of how to narratively satisfactorily end Cas’ journey and, keeping in mind the three points discussed above of what remaining an angel at the end of his journey would actually mean for Cas as a character, we ask ourselves:
Does him remaining an angel satisfactorily tie up loose ends?
Does him remaining an angel justify the obstacles he’s had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?
Does him remaining an angel leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?
For me, it’s a pretty big and hella bold-lettered no to the first two, and a meh to the third one, because yes, we’ll get a good idea of what a Heavenbound Cas might do with his existence, but it’s not a satisfactory yes, because of all the already mentioned reasons.
He’ll have answered the identity question by choosing Angel as his reply, but that reply nullifies so much of the emotional growth he’s done over the years, and goes against the multitude of narrative statements given to us of where he feels he belongs.
So, nothing else to do but to discuss the second possible scenario on our checklist, right?
Yaaaaassss indeed. Not going to lie. I’m partial to this one. Pardon me if my love for the human!Cas arc shines through. (it glitters and sparkles)
So Very, Very Human
Scenario the Second —> Cas’ powers are fully restored and…
We get to witness that heartfelt goodbye between Dean and Cas, but then, instead of staying in Heaven, we get Cas, fully powered, gaining the perspective he needs of who he truly is and who he wants to be, leading to a series ending where Cas chooses to become human, returning to Earth and all the shenanigans of a hunter life.
My main reason for standing so firmly behind the idea of Castiel cutting out his grace and choosing a human life is anchored in the three thematic tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression.
As already mentioned, they are:
identity (and self-worth)
family (and loyalty)
freedom of choice (and duty)
The in-between state Cas has been hovering in since Dean’s death at the end of S9, an in-between state that won’t be satisfactorily concluded (as per my above argumentation against it) through him becoming a fully-fledged powered up angel of the lord warrior of Heaven again, would be satisfactorily concluded should he choose, for himself, that where he wants to be, where he belongs, is with his family.
He belongs on Earth.
And the foremost reason for why he belongs on Earth isn’t actually based in the fact that it’s where those he loves are, it runs deeper than that, because in order for Cas to feel whole, in order for him to feel, as the narrative has put it more than once in the last few seasons, complete, he needs to accept what his true form is, he needs to open up to what the narrative has tried to teach him and show him, for all these years, that it is, and that true form is human.
Do we need him to feel whole? There are plenty of broken people in this world, right? Why can’t Cas be representative of someone who has found his place, regardless of whether he’s all fixed up? Perhaps he keeps his broken wings and still changes his attitude from feeling like he’s a “thing” to thinking of himself as simply himself?
Perhaps he already is doing exactly that?
This line of questioning brings us back to —>
The Middle Ground
Let’s reiterate Scenario the Third: based in the assumption that Cas isn’t getting his powers back at all, and we’re left with there being no reason for Cas to choose a human life either. He simply remains in the same shape and form that he’s more or less held since S9.
Now, I’ll ask it again: would the middle ground scenario - keeping him as is, with all the character progression intact and him, clearly, set up to grow and evolve beyond the series’ ending - be narratively satisfactory?
Does it tie up loose ends?
Does it justify the obstacles Cas has had to overcome in order to get to where he is in his progression?
Does it leave us with a good understanding of what the future holds for him, judging from where he’s at in his arc at the conclusion of the narrative?
Well, let’s see.
Does Cas remaining as he has been - broken wings and all - tie up loose ends?
Loose ends for Cas would be the fact that Heaven is falling apart; the deal with the Empty; answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing); claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment); displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon) and narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned.
Loose End: Heaven is Falling Apart —>
As mentioned, Cas has tried to fix his home since end of S5, where he declared that was he was going to do to a grief stricken Dean, and left (oh Cas)
Cas’ first attempt was to bring what he’d learned about free will to Heaven, trying to teach it to the angels, discovering, to his great despair, that it’s like trying to teach poetry to fish, but, again, I would argue that Cas wasn’t fully equipped to act the teacher, and because he forced himself into the role, seeing no other way to beat Raphael than to push for the type of rebellion he learned how to stage through his time with Dean, it ended with Cas’ confused sense of identity manifesting in him morphing into the figure he’d hoped could save them all: God.
Rather than believing he was enough, he could see no other choice but to become something else entirely, something that went against everything he truly believes to his core to be right, turning him into something violent and discompassionate, pushing him to finally admit the error in his choice, only to have it be too late, and that choice ending up setting the Leviathan loose on the world while he died in that lake, paying the ultimate price for his mistakes.
This part of Cas’ backstory, the deep failure, the shame, the guilt that came with it, has been underpinning Cas’ lack of self-worth and, more importantly, his lack of self-trust ever since he came back in 7x17.
This is why Heaven now sitting on the brink of collapse is tied so specifically to his character journey and why it’s an important loose end that is in need of tying up, not only plot wise, but as part of a narrative statement clarifying Cas’ progression.
Because there should be good reason - whether Cas stays on Earth as is, or whether he makes the choice to become human - for him to feel at peace with that choice, and especially if Cas is to stay as is - broken wings and all - there’s even more reason for us to understand that he’s no longer in-between Heaven and Earth: he’s able to let Heaven go.
So if Heaven is no longer crying out for him to, out of sheer narrative necessity, stay dutifully tied to that sense of guilt and shame that his previous failures have placed in him, keeping him feeling ever so responsible for his birthplace, making it rather impossible for him to actually weigh what he truly wants for himself, then once Heaven is balanced out, what we might get to witness is Cas able to definitively let Heaven go. Cas making one final choice of remaining on Earth, and making it for himself.
Saving Heaven from this threat of continued errosion is most easily accomplished through two narrative tools that are already established in the narrative:
Jack using his powers to help restore this balance
or an archangel returning to Heaven and restoring a semblence of it’s former glory (Michael might change his mind...for example)
Both these things can happen without Cas being fully-fledged, nor does he need to be human, he can stay just as he’s been and Heaven can still find balance.
One could even see how Heaven actually being balanced out at the end of the series and Cas being allowed to breathe again could be structured into serving as his narrative reward for Big Lessons Learned. Because there should be a reward at the end of Cas’ journey. He’s literally been to Hell and back.
The thing is that for that reward to be apparent to us, we need to see the moment where he truly earns it, a moment that establishes that he’s not only aware of what the narrative has been pushing for him to learn, but the Big Lessons are internalised and his journey has worked to evolve him.
The simplest way of showing these Big Lessons Learned to the audience and clarifying this moment of Cas earning his reward, is by giving us a sense of Cas choosing.
Because the narrative, as already offered, is based in the theme of Freedom of Choice, and ideally Cas’ choice would tie directly in with the other two overarching themes of identity and family.
Which lands us in this question: What exactly would Cas be shown to choose should he remain as is?
Because, to my mind, Cas remaining as he is makes it pretty difficult to show him making any sort of choice, since he is literally just staying as he has been, especially as he has been since he made that choice back in 13x04 of returning from the Empty to Earth, being sent back in his old vessel.
See, he’s already chosen where he wants to belong, and S15, if anything, has underlined this choice having been made, through Cas’ confrontation with Dean, Cas leaving the bunker because of Dean, and then returning, before Dean apologised, because Dean being a dickhead no longer interferes with Cas’ sense of self: he knows where he belongs.
(and without him returning nothing will change) *slow eye-brow raise*
And it may not have been an overt Cas is Back in Town moment, but it came damn close.
So, then, what choice does he need to make?
For me, the choice isn’t where to belong, because the answer has been given to us through his actions since S13, but especially throughout S15, but rather the choice still ahead of him is how to belong.
And lest we forget, should Cas choose to belong on Earth as an angel, he will still, by all accounts, be headed for the Empty once all is said and done, Because at the end of it all, the Empty will (most likely) get to go back to sleep. I cannot see it going bye-bye.
So the fact remains that, even if there’s some way out of Cas’ current Empty deal, there’s nowhere else for Cas to go when he dies.
And after everything he’s been through (and as per the romantic in me) shouldn’t he get to go to Heaven, and shouldn’t it be a shared Heaven, one where his soulmate resides? I would argue with my last breath that the answer is yes.
But, my loves, there’s only one way for him to get there.
Oh, let me add that I don’t believe Cas still has his soul, because then he wouldn’t have gone so completely to the Empty after his angel death. Honestly, I like it better that way, because the humanity of humans is often professed to reside with their soul, but Cas is a statement of how one’s humanity is actually tied to one’s choices, giving us an excellent example of how it doesn’t matter what you are, it matters what you do.
Jack’s choices, for example, may have become heavily influenced by him losing his soul and his ability to feel fully, but most of his mistakes were brought on because of the lack of guidance he suffered. WWWD was not a very good piece of advice, and had Dean been the one to take on the responsibility (which he couldn’t, because of his suspicion rooted in all his own fears, but if he had) then the outcome would’ve most likely been a different one.
I’ll leave the How Cas Can Get Into Heaven topic for now, and focus us back on the loose ends, because the one that sticks out the most - at least to me - is how, if Cas were to remain as he is, neither getting his wings back nor choosing to become human, we will not get an actual answer to the narratively posed question of Angel or Man?
Loose End: The Question of His True Identity
Cas remaining as is, isn’t a final choice.
It may be an acceptance of how he has to remain broken and somewhat stuck in-between if he’s to live on Earth and be with his human family, but it’s not a choice, not really, not this late in the game.
For me, this isn’t a deal breaker (in fact, no scenario really is because I in no way expect all of this to be hitting the spot to a T anyway) but it would be highly unsatisfactory.
Why is it so important to get a definitive answer to the Angel or Man question? After all, it was posed six seasons ago and perhaps the narrative has actually moved on from it?
Yes, this is absolutely a good point and a possibility at that, and, again, I am in no way deluded enough to think that all of this speculation will hit on what we’ll actually get with even the slightest precision, but for my own sake (which is really why I’m outlining all these thoughts yeah?) I want to push for why I still feel, to my core, that leaving Cas with broken wings, even if he finds self-worth and self-actualisation in that half-state, there is something deeply unsatisfactory in the loose end of not actually answering the question of which side to him - the angelic or the human - that actually brings him the most happiness.
(I almost wrote “which side to him actually sparks joy”) (but no) (I mean kinda yes he should Marie Kondo his insides) (we all should do that once in a while) (them mean thoughts and them self-destructive impulses?) (yeah they can go) (anyway…)
Not giving us a definitive answer to the question of identity is especially dissatisfying as the narrative, for over ten years of character journey, has shown us how miserable it makes Cas to not be earthbound. In fact, the one time he made the choice to go back to Heaven and close the gates behind him forever in order to save humanity, the narrative said nope, don’t think so - and brought him right back to humanity. By making him human.
I will concede to this being my interpretation of Cas’ journey, because nowhere in canon is this stated, but way I see it, Cas has been transitioning from angel to human since the second he touched Dean in Hell.
And it’s not a desire placed there by Dean, it’s something Cas has carried within himself, a curiosity, and a seedling of doubt, ever since he came off the assembly line with a crack in his chassis.
Gripping Dean tight and raising him from perdition merely served to give Cas’ already existing curiosity, and doubt, something to actually focus on. Something to focus on so hard that all the brainwashing done by Heaven couldn’t keep it at bay anymore, because it’s part of who Cas truly is to question authority, to seek free will, to not be used as a weapon, but to step in and act the shield of his own volition.
Which brings us back to the second scenario, which I’m now going to expand on —>
So Very, Very Human (again)
Remember those three tentpoles of this narrative’s push for character progression?
identity (and self-worth)
family (and loyalty)
freedom of choice (and sense of duty)
And what were all those loose ends in need of being tied up?
Heaven is falling apart
The deal with the Empty
Answering that overarching question of Angel or Man? (no longer considering himself an in between thing)
Claiming the place where he belongs (a Cas is Back in Town moment)
Displaying a healthy sense of duty (shield rather than weapon)
Narratively being rewarded for Big Lessons Learned
I am not saying Cas has to become human in order for his journey to conclude 100% satisfactorily, thus spake the lords of storytelling; I am open to (no I mean it sincerely) whatever is headed our way, whatever the writers choose as an ending that is satisfactory to them, I will accept it, whatever guise it takes, yeah?
This is simply my personal preference for what would be the most satisfactory to me, and I’m making that statement now, because I’m about to go headfirst into outlining exactly why. Thanks for sticking with me this far. You’re awesome. *heart eyes*
Before we look ahead, I’d like us to look back, all the way back to S9 and the human!Cas arc, because I’d like to explain, briefly, why I put down the need for a Cas is Back in Town moment amidst those loose ends.
You see, when Cas first experienced mortality, we all know it started rough. It started with him feeling lost and being all alone and getting himself killed and then it continued with him believing he’d finally come home to roost in the bunker, only to be inexplicably thrown out, by Dean, and then Cas went on to find himself a human persona (Steve) and learning to mimick other humans and doing simply what he figured was expected of him, and then Dean came into town and because Dean encouraged Cas to get in on the case, Cas was brought into a situation where he had no choice but to face the fear of getting himself killed again, only this time he’d probably stay dead - a fear that had been festering like a terrible festering festerer - and once he’d done that, he was able to finally admit to himself that “Steve” wasn’t anything but an armour and he dropped that armour and then we got the Cas is back in town moment of 9x09 fame.
It would be awesome for him to have another Cas is Back in Town moment.
Because that’s the moment in the human!Cas arc when we are shown, unequivocally, that Cas’ sense of identity is flourishing. He is choosing to insert himself into the investigation, even though the last time we saw Cas, it was when he was told by Dean Touchstone for all Things Human Winchester to go and live his life, basically having it explained to him, by his foremost role model for what humanity is, that life, and specifically this newfound life of Cas’, should be lived away from dangerous things.
Cas being back in town, and happy and proud to be so, is all about Cas embracing his innate need to protect, even if that means risking his own life, and choosing a hunter life for himself, finding his way back to the people he loves by being entirely honest with himself about who he is and who he wants to be, not allowing fear to rule him.
He follows his heart, you might say. (go on, you know you wanna say it)
And yes, out of narrative necessity - because Cas can’t see how he can help save/heal Sam or stave off the brewing war as a human - Cas then chooses to swallow stolen grace and get his powers back, which, btw, brings about the most heartbreaking phone exchange between Dean and Cas ever. Ow. My damn heart.
So then, that’s the human!Cas arc in brief, and the core reason for why I feel so very strongly that Cas - who screwed himself by swallowing that grace, unable to see how he could possibly be useful in the fight as a human, even though he displays a stronger sense of self as a human than he ever has as an angel - would be happiest, at the end of his journey, if he were to end it on making the choice to become human, to live a mortal life, with his family, on Earth.
And, yes, then, rather than spending eternity in the dread Empty, getting to go to Heaven with the man he goddamn well loves, innit?
Ah, but there’s more. Oh, yes.
In ways that remaining an angel narratively simply cannot provide, Cas choosing to become human would cement the end of his transitioning period and would be the final marker for those Big Lessons Learned.
The Big Lessons presented to him throughout the narrative, meant to bring him to a point of growth in his progression where he can finally and honestly and without hesitation answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be? ie. What do I want?
And, yes, if the answer to these questions were: Human. and To live a long and happy life. then this would also answer the question of what Cas’ true identity is, ie. it would provide the conclusive reply to the Angel or Man? query.
And yes, of course, so would the reply Angel, but as I’ve attempted to demonstrate through my above argumentation, replying Angel still comes with dangling loose ends.
I would also argue that Cas’ happiest moment could be, and even should be, tied to his moment of self-actualisation, his moment of finally being honest with himself, not only honest about where he truly belongs, but how he wants to belong there.
He’s been missing that PB&J, but he has never believed that he would be of any use in the fight if he doesn’t have his powers. He’s been unable to actually see himself as part of the Winchester clan if he doesn’t have something to bring to the table, because the last time he tried, he was left with what he saw as no other choice but to admit defeat and swallow that stolen grace, so that he could power back up and feel ready, feel less vulnerable, find those old, worn patterns and take comfort from them.
To have Cas restored to full strength - because I do believe it would be a beautiful moment, not just for Cas, but for Jack as well, and if Dean is there, then it would be an all around gorgeous moment of healing - to then have Cas, with all his powers, finally admit that he doesn’t want them, because he doesn’t need them anymore, they’re not as much a part of him as they’re a helpful side effect to being an angel, and he doesn’t belong in Heaven, he doesn’t want to be in Heaven, and he may not know exactly what a human life will entail - he has an inkling, since his stint as a human, but there’s still so much he’s never experienced - he just knows he wants it.
And this would all be brain-crackling, full of satisfaction and tying up of many loose ends, as well as underlining the actual necessity for Cas’ journey through all of the Big Lessons Learned. *feels*
There could be stakes added here, tying back to S8 and the closing of the gates. To bring about balance, perhaps the gates of Heaven and Hell need to close for good? Ie. there’ll be no more angels and demons walking the Earth. So the choice for Cas wouldn’t be an in between one, it would be an either or. Stay in Heaven forever and remain an angel, or go back to Earth, but go back as a human.
It fits the narrative if anything like this were to happen - Cas being confronted with an ultimatum that forces clarity - because Cas isn’t contemplating cutting out his grace. Not yet. He’s safe within the status quo and sees no reason to question it, not even with the Empty popping up to remind him of their deal.
Aw, yes, let’s explore how the Empty so neatly ties in with Cas’ fear of happiness. (perfectly mirroring Dean)
Now, remember, I’m looking at this with the Empty as representative of Cas’ Shadow, which, in Carl Jung terms means the Empty is a manifestation of Cas’ unconscious.
The Shadow, made up of repressed thoughts, desires and feelings, doesn’t trust that anything will ever be okay or that anything good will last - it’s up to oneself to consciously strive to dare to believe in such things, and conquer one’s unconscious fears, because if our fears are allowed to influence and rule us, then real happiness will be difficult to accept as lasting, and the emotional roller coaster will feel safer than actually standing still in a balanced frame of mind.
The Shadow is in charge of that roller coaster. It’s not really as menacing as it’s made out to be through the Empty, but it is still a side to oneself that one has to face, accept and integrate in order to find that balanced from of mind.
Looking at it from this point of view - and I do - the Shadow telling Cas to keep fearing that moment of happiness — because it won’t last, it will mean he’s bound for the Empty, and a horrifying eternal non-sleep, with no peace in sight — is a manipulative tactic to keep Cas from striving toward self-actualisation and integration.
Because if he does reach self-actualisation, if he balances himself out and gets a moment of perfect internal clarity, where there’s no need for fear, where he’s been able to be honest with himself and honestly LOVE himself in the process, then that moment of self-actualisation will allow him to see his Shadow clearly, and integrate it through acceptance of his own flaws - that shame and guilt and all of that fear of failure will begin to be healed, and his Shadow will have no more emotional buttons to push in order to keep Cas cowed, mistrusting of himself, and defeated.
His conscious self (ego) will no longer be ruled by his unconscious (shadow).
So how does Cas actually beat the deal?
I mean, from that above reading, I would say that a very effective way for him to break the deal is to stop fearing that moment of happiness, and by no longer allowing his fear to rule him, being able to reach his moment of self-actualisation, and the moment of integration.
Cas choosing to become human would be a moment of honesty, of self-insight, of acceptance. It would be a moment of deep, deep self-actualisation. A moment of real internal peace, followed, I would say, by a moment of true happiness.
So let me paint you a detailed spec scenario, because it demonstrates why I am so behind this idea, not that I think this is The Scenario, but because it simply makes sense and ticks all the boxes for satisfaction that are at the back of my head.
Fully-fledged Cas is in Heaven (which is balanced out thanks to Jack/Michael/Death or whatever constellation is created to Fix It) and Cas is now faced with the option to stay an angel, or to go back to Earth a human.
He makes the choice - meaning his moment of true happiness. *identity based*
The Empty appears.
But the thing is, Cas now knows what he’s found for himself by making this choice - a loophole.
He cuts out his grace doubly triumphant: he gets to go home, and the Empty has no hold over him anymore.
He is not for the Empty - he is human, and when he dies, he will go to Heaven.
It’s not about taking anything away from him or saying that he’s not fine just as he is, it’s building on the narrative push for him to accept himself, just as he’s always been, and stop fighting it, stop questioning it, stop worrying that he won’t be enough without his powers, that he won’t be able to contribute, that he won’t be looked at the same, because, in the end, when it comes to self-actualisation, all that matters is what you think and what you know to be your truth.
Self-actualisation is about your acceptance of yourself, it’s about your ability to love yourself through that acceptance, and it, in turn, opening you up to receiving love, knowing, to your core, that you are lovable and deserve to be loved.
With this scenario comes a Big Lessons Learned moment that sets Cas up for a reward.
And what should it be?
As already mentioned, we know who Cas considers to be his family: Dean, Sam and Jack.
If Jack doesn’t end up sacrificing himself for the greater good (which I feel is more plausible a death than any other), then his human side would, most likely, keep him on Earth.
And then there’s Sam. Dear Sam. Who’s a friend in need and a friend, indeed.
Lastly, there’s Dean. And the depth of what Dean means for Cas, and what Dean narratively has meant for Cas’ progression, is pretty much impossible to overlook.
I know I already brought this up, but I think it’s important to note, because whether we get a textual pronounciation and conclusion to the subtextual love story between Dean and Cas, or whether it’s kept in subtext and merely strongly hinted at, the fact of the matter is that they matter to one another, more so than anyone else have ever mattered to them and this would, of course, provide the tragedy of a goodbye, should a goodbye be required, and the ending be tragic, but it also pushes on the very real fact of how a reward, in any guise, would most easily be tied to what they’ve narratively (and very canonically) have meant for one another.
Yes, when I say they matter more to each other than anyone else, this means even Sam for Dean, because Sam isn’t the character in the narrative put there to help push for Dean’s progression - Cas is.
To put it plainly: the codependency is the placeholder, highlighting the progression that’s needed to reach self-actualisation. The trust and healthy challenges Dean shares with Cas is the opposite, underlining the fears he needs to face, and where he should get to emotionally, once he has reached self-actualisation.
Cas’ relationship with Dean - and how Dean was a role model in all things human, at least up until the moment Cas stated there was nothing left to say and stepped out of that bunker, because he’d learned what he could and he had no interest in learning how to be so unforgiving, which was a Big Lesson, since it takes the label of teacher off Dean and allows him to be entirely something else - could easily serve as a satisfactory conclusion and statement of Cas having incorporated all the lessons of the narrative, especially since so many of them tie directly back to Dean.
Cas embracing his own humanity, for himself, without worrying about what that humanity might mean for anyone else, and believing himself deserving of love due to letting go of all those old fears, thanks to him reaching a point of self-actualisation, would mean that he would stop waiting for Dean to make a move, and might very well make that move himself.
Personally I’m doubtful it will be textual, but what stronger statement could the writers make of who ends up with whom than to end the series on Sam with Eileen, and Cas returning from Heaven, human, and giving us something very akin to that Cas is Back in Town moment (even if it’s only in spirit)?
It would serve to let us know that, of course, Cas isn’t fearful of his mortality this time around. He’s empowered by it. And him returning to the bunker, to his family, to the life, to Dean, signals to us how he’s very ready to get back to it all, including going out hunting (with Dean).
Simple. Neat. Non-explicit, and yet undeniable.
The good kind. You know? The one that leaves you exhilarated and dancing around your room laughing with joy at how amazing all the subsequent fanfiction will most likely be, exploring all of their post-series finale shen-an-i-gans?? Yeah, that good kind.
Most of all, for the people out there who, like me, are thirsty for satisfaction, they will remain Team Free Will (hopefully 2.0), they will remain a family, they will remain.
There may be new dynamics to work with, but they will still be them and they will remain as close as they ever were, with the promise of them all growing even closer, following each other’s continued progression as they all move into a new phase in their lives. But together.
3. Freedom of Choice
Cas choosing to become human would effectively demonstrate to us how he’s leaving behind the yoke of his previous sense of duty.
Instead of praying for guidance, or relying on external forces to dictate what his actions should be, he’ll still be doing what has to be done, but he’ll be doing it purely reliant on his own personal view of the world and his place in it.
This would be a rather remarkable way to address how so many of his choices have been made under duress, either because he’s been manipulated into them without having the wherewithal to see through the manipulation (Crowley, Metatron, Lucifer) or because he’s simply felt lost, mistrusting his inner compass and unable to follow any gut instinct that would’ve otherwise been able to guide him.
In making the choice to become human, Cas would cast off his past, shake it off, as it were, and move into his future, free to take it as it comes in a way we’ve only seen him be once before. (as a human)
I suppose my hope is for our love story to grow into the text before the end, but I’m also very aware that we’re rapidly moving towards the 11th hour, and I doubt we’ll get a last-minute confirmation or the show ending on a kiss between them, because this show isn’t about them.
What’s important to remember, however, is that the fear of happiness runs deep in Dean as well, and Cas has been shown to provide Dean with a source of happiness that he doesn’t get from anyone else, so if Dean’s journey is to end on a high note, and he’s to face his fear of true happiness and believe he deserves to be loved and the reward being… not linked to Cas in any way? I have a very hard time seeing that happening. So, I have faith.
What I hope for, more than anything at this point, is for an ending definitive enough that we don’t have to wonder and we don’t have to make it up for ourselves.
An ending that is open enough that we know they will continue on, something for us to build on, and we most likely and most happily will build on it for ages to come, no matter what we get (at least I will), but still, an ending, a conclusion, a statement.
*for the love of Ash’s hair*
Here endeth my long speculation and gentle argumentation for Cas to choose humanity at the end of our remarkable narrative.
To give a brief overview of the points I’ve tried to make (hopefully I’ve succeeded in making them) (whether you agree or not is a different matter) —>
In 15x18 Cas makes the choice to return to Heaven to act as commander of the (handful? or will Jack be able to make more as his powers grow without, you know, transforming human souls?) of angels still there and make a concerted effort to defend Heaven, while Dean, Sam and Jack rally the troops on Earth, and Rowena rally the armies of Hell (please!)
He gets his powers back because the choice is the right one to make as he narratively needs the perspective in order to truly decide who he is and who he wants to be, and the reward for that right choice is that he doesn’t have to face the final battle with broken wings
There’s an ET goes home callback that makes us all fucking cry when Dean and Cas say their goodbyes, Dean being supportive af because that would be awesome, showing his progression
All the while, Dean wishes, fervently, that Cas would just stay, and at some point it would be doubly awesome for him to vocalise this
There is the possibility that everyone understands that if they win this war with God, and things start going back to “normal”, the best thing for everyone would be for the gates of Heaven and of Hell to close, but this might also be something that’s realised once the war is won
(of course it will be won) (thank fuck)
So, either Dean and Cas’ goodbye makes us cry because there’s the understanding that Cas won’t be able to just flit back and forth between Heaven and Earth as he pleases and so it’s really goodbye
Or it makes us cry because it’s still the end of them, as Cas is bound for Heaven again, and their relationship seems to be reverting to S4 status like N-O P-L-E-A-S-E
But because the gates of Heaven are closing (or not) Cas is pushed into making this choice for himself, and naw, he’s not going to stay in Heaven
The moment he makes the choice to return to Earth as a human, the Empty shows up to claim him
But the loophole allows Cas to tell the Empty to fuck right off as Cas (or another angel) cuts out his grace and he falls back to Earth. (in his human vessel) (if Metatron can do it, then an archangel such as Mike or even someone like Naomi, if she comes back on the board, can do it) (eh?)
Cas reunites with the gang, Sam and Eileen are lovey dovey, Dean and Cas are happy for them, and either they part ways here, Sam staying with Eileen, Dean and Cas heading out to Baby, or they stay together, a family unit, with Jack as well, of course, and it’s not like everything is perfect and they’re surrounded by a white picket fence and there are butterflies fluttering, because there’s still evil in the world that needs to be hunted and fought and they’ll always have work to do, but we see them together and we just know they’ll be alright.
All is peace.
And we are done.
FADE TO BLACK.
Buh-LIEVE me, this detail spec is not what we’re getting and I know it isn’t, but I wanted to write it out to explain what I got in my head, why it felt viable to me, and why the worry that they’ll give Cas his wings back and pack him off to Heaven and leave him there made me feel the need to write down why that is just not a good idea. (!!)
Do I actually believe they would ever do that?
I actually don’t. But, by that same token, I don’t know they wouldn’t. And to calm myself, I had to write out why I actually don’t think they would. Because narratively I cannot see how it would ever actually work that he becomes fully-fledged and goes away. You know?
Either he’ll remain as he is, and the Empty, and the sad parts that come with him not actually self-actualising before our eyes will simply be what it is, and I’ll accept it as it is, yeah?
Or he’ll become human.
He won’t die again. I just do not believe he will. But hey, I’ve been wrong before! That’s partly the fun of this. It’s always so satisfying when you get it even in the ballpark of close to what we actually get on the show. Mh mh goodness.
What’s interesting to me, though, is the whole callback to S8 idea that hasn’t really left me alone since it got in my head, because it would be so lovely and so heartbreaking and so poignant. For Dean to be put in a situation where he supports Cas’ choices and does so without hesitation, but where he also ends up being compelled to say something, to tell Cas he wishes Cas could stay, or hopes Cas will come back or anything that just speaks to how Dean has let Cas disappear one too many times without properly expressing how, maybe, Dean would rather Cas stuck around.
It would, of course, tie back to the prayer, and to how Dean was absolutely ready to look Cas in the eyes, even though there were less then three minutes left on that ticking clock, and tell Cas what he’d felt compelled to say when he thought he was losing him again. There was no need for Dean to repeat it in purgatory, but maybe that was foreshadowing for what’s yet to come.
Even with the impossibility of Cas actually staying, because they have a war to win and Cas is needed elsewhere, it would be lovely if this is the moment Dean makes it clear that, under different circumstances, Dean would have preferred it that Cas stayed.
And for Cas to, instead of having humanity thrust upon him, the way it was in S8 when Metatron tricked him and cut out his grace, getting to choose it this time, and choose it for himself.
The ET goes home moment would reflect S8 kind of perfectly, but with an actually happy outcome, hinting at a new human!Cas arc and, for me, that would be as good as textual Destiel because they’re on fire in the human!Cas arc. Like, they are moving towards something actual and tangible, the way they’re flirting with each other in that bar. I don’t think there is a more endearing or adorable moment than Cas drinking his beer and paying Dean a compliment and giving him a wink. And Dean then returning the flirtation.
Um. Yes, please.
By the way, let me make it absolutely clear that there’s no doubt in my mind that the culmination of the love story in no way is relying on Cas becoming human. This isn’t a They Both Have to Be Human to be Together argument, because Dean has been in love with Cas for a long time, long before the human!Cas arc. It doesn’t matter what form Cas takes, to Dean Cas is Cas.
The question is one of obstacles. We ask ourselves: what’s been stopping them from actually being together this whole time?
To me, all the choices that the characters make throughout S9 is an enormous turning point for all of them, but especially Dean and Cas during the beginning of the season, as their choices give us so much of what they need to do, what aspects of themselves they have to address, if they’re ever to find their way out of self-destruction and self-doubt, and into self-worth, paving the way for them being able to believe they deserve the love that the other has been proffering for all these years, and actually seeing it in its true light, accepting it, trusting it, and returning it without any inhibition.
Add to that the already mentioned shared struggle, as Cas and Dean have always had a deeply rooted fear of happiness, and we can all see the obstacles they’ve had to overcome to get to a place where they can share a healthy relationship.
They have had to build that healthy relationship with themselves first, and the reward at the end: happiness and love. *fingers so damn crossed though*
It really would be beyond amazing if we have it textualised, however subtle it may be, by the end of the series, that they are each other’s happiness, and that, without the other, there’s not much happiness to be had. There’s moving on and there’s not giving up and there’s finding purpose outside this one relationship, of course, but a long and happy life?
Not so much.
To me, this is a fact that has been covertly explored throughout the entirety of their joint arc, because whenever one of them disappears out of the other’s orbit, their progression pretty much crashes to an absolute halt, or even undergoes serious regression. I talked about that in that other long-ass meta I mentioned, so if you’re hungry for more…
My final point, really, is that getting to witness Dean letting Cas go, supporting him returning to Heaven, and Cas rightly feeling compelled to fullfil his duty, because it will lead to him being granted the choice of who he truly wants to be, would be mind-blowing. And if it all leads to an underlining of how Dean is taking the narrative lesson of easing up on his need for control, learning to let go and trusting that it will be alright in the end, which then leads to the love of his life returning to him, and Dean, finally, understanding that this is what Cas always does - he may up and leave, but he also always returns.
Only, this time Cas is staying…
I mean. Right? Anything like this. Anything even in the vicinity of this. Oh my God. I’ll be dancing.
I’m intrigued by the fact that Cas is subtly set up as a blindspot for Chuck the Writer, who’s first draft when at Becky’s house doesn’t even mention Cas. I have a feeling Cas will be a pivotal ingredient in them winning this stand-off, as he’s proven himself to be already, throughout S15.
And I’m intrigued by the phrase that has occurred at least twice in our narrative since end of S14: I had to die to get what I want.
Could Cas almost cutting out his “life force” and bringing himself to the brink of “death” (angelic, as it were) be foreshadowing for how his angelic side has to die in order for him to get what he wants?
I guess we shall simply have to wait and see, eh?
End of the day, it’s a question of legacy. And I’m just very curious to see what sort of legacy the writers room are gearing up to leave us with. I have every faith - all the faith - that no matter what we get, it’s going to be
s p e c t a c u l a r.
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