#also the mom being the narrator is DEVASTATING
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Just watched Ghibli’s Tale of Princess Kaguya.
That was emotionally devastating. Thanks.
#show up for the cuteness and stay for the emotional damage!!!#tale of Princess Kaguya#studio ghibli#anyways I wish the handmaiden had a name she and the mom were the MVPs of this movie#handmaiden straight up gave her bestie the chance to say goodbye when the gods wouldn’t#also the mom being the narrator is DEVASTATING
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Top Ten Hawks Moments of 2023
For Keigo's Birthday and for the end of this year, I have decided to make my top ten Hawks moments for all the chapters published this year.
10. "Hawks" gets torn into shreds by AFO
we had a lot of near-deaths for Hawks this year, but I think this was the most memorable as it happened, giving a very needed burst of humor to the AFO vs Hawks and the Heroes fight. Tokoyami's reaction was particularity heartbreaking.
9. Whatever Level of Gay was Achieved Here
This entire chapter was framed in a way that constantly put Hawks and AFO contrasting and melding and there are panels where their thoughts connect. I thought it was a very good way for Hori to make their dynamic fighting each other stand out. Also, the fight was ridiculously homoerotic.
8. Hawks Reminds Us It's About Connections, Stupid.
A theme for the post-Jaku part of this manga has always been heroes needing to bridge that gap and see if they can connect with the villains. It's interesting that Hawks has been the canon mouthpiece among the adults for that view when he so utterly failed his own narrative-assigned connection. I know there was so much pushback in this moment because Keigo again thought of Endeavor, but it stood out to me in repeating this allegory of OFA linking everyone as the solution to the conflict in the first place.
7. Realizing They All Have the Power to Make Their Own Narrative
Against a villain like One For All who wants to believe he's in his own light-novel, Keigo's own issues distinguishing reality and fantasies managed to settle down. He's always resigned himself to being a caged bird and a martyr, so being pitted against a villain so into life being a foregone conclusion helped Keigo remember they all have more agency than they give them credit for.
6. I think all of Keigo's Rizz was in Fierce Wings
Seriously, this is his normal fake hero persona on STEROIDS? It's fascinating how naturally this stuff comes to him. Like damn, he even has his tongue out, mocking All For One as he gets hoisted by his own petard, and has an arm around a vestige lady who looks suspiciously like All For One's mom, which I am accepting as canon until told otherwise. Say what you want about Hawks, for all his failures and paradoxes, the dude has serious BDE. I'd rate this higher but he had a lot of good moments.
5. Nothing beside remains, round the decay
Probably one of the most striking panels this year, seeing a defeated, quirkless Keigo struggle to get up and meet the horde of encroaching Toga-Twice clones, holding the last remaining feather in a landscape of complete destruction made me think heavily of the Ozymandias poem. Keigo, who has always represented the hero system with his whole diamond-insignia carrying chest, seeing all the consequences of his actions and the futility of his actions in stopping the very future he'd allowed himself to commit murder to prevent. I wonder if it struck him how little it all meant as he faced his "presumed" doom.
4. Farewell, Fierce Wings!
we bid goodbye to the quirk that continued to fight even as it was stolen into the eldritchian amalgamation that is All For One! The look in the vestige's face is so resigned and bitter-sweet as he decays away. Keigo isn't his quirk, but it's remarkable how willing to face death both of them are.
3. What he really wants
The interesting thing is the narration implies that either Keigo was telling Naomasa that the aging made AFO stronger as the battle happened, or still had enough control over his emotional state after being left in the dirt to tell him what he observed. The latter is, well, not that surprising when it comes to Keigo, who won't let being quirkless or maimed or delimbed get in the way of being at his job, but that's not what Hori shows us.
No, Hori doesn't show us Keigo standing up or sitting up, no he shows us a Keigo clinging to Tokoyami, a complete break in the many masks he wears to show actual devastation and need for comfort.
There's no Keigo pretending he's okay. There's just one panel showing us a young man embracing his unconscious student after probably one of the most horrific experiences in his life. Keigo, who has been mentioned to be a person who puts so much distance himself and other people, is the one the one clinging to Fumikage.
2. He really was, wasn't he?
As the Twice clones disappear, we see a melting Toga-Twice on the brink of killing Keigo, who makes no move to stop her as she slices him open. No, he seems almost penitent as he accepts death, only pausing to tell her he knows why she's killing him.
Make no mistake, the moment he saw Twice back, he knew what this was all about; killing Jin. In this moment, he doesn't hold himself back with saying killing Jin was necessary - the future Jin's murder was meant to prevent came about anyway, no, this is just Keigo being honest that he really liked Jin, anyway. This panel might show the first real regret we've gotten from him, which is likely why he was so open about not fighting back. Because Keigo knows that he does "deserve" this.
1. Haven’t you already done your best, Hawks?
Chapter 185, this panel introduces us to Hawks.
Two hundred chapters later and we finally see Hawks, for all intents and purposes, resoundingly defeated. His quirk is gone. The army he had as back up, defeated. His student lying defenseless beside him. His hero-partner having left to fight his own battles.
And yet, despite it all, despite losing his quirk, despite every sign of failure around him, especially as he now has to reckon with his own moral event horizon, Keigo's capable of saying one thing:
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ok. assorted kfp4 thoughts.
i still don't think there's any reason why po can't be both oogway's successor and the dragon warrior even after watching the movie.
and here's the big fish to fry: the pacing. i know i've previously said that kfp3's pacing was rushed but kfp4 felt like it was speedrunning its own plot. by the time they got to the juniper palace i was baffled because the duo barely had a moment in the city and they were suddenly going to face the main villain?
a lot of it was left up to exposition about the characters' deal at you to try and make up for it. which made the big character twist suffer. and i do like the character twist! in theory,
so: basically zhen was initially founded/raised by thieves and criminals (and considered han her "old mentor"), and then was later raised by the chameleon after zhen showed a similar ruthlessness in her after trying to steal from her.
the underground criminals were mostly sidelined as a joke but the additional pacing issues doesn't really give you time to dwell on zhen and han's whole deal. and then suddenly you get an expository flashback later on, but there's not a lot of an emotional gutpunch to any of these reveals due to said pacing issues and han is relegated to being part of the crime comedy squad. he can do devastated dad figure! let him lean into waymond eeaao!
now for the rest of my thoughts on other minor stuff:
insert obligatory annoyance about the five being relegated to being non-speaking cameos in the credits. frankly i'm neutral about it in the grand scheme of the movie (there's bigger fish to fry as seen above), but they made me pay attention to that fact by doing that little lampshading joke in the beginning so i got a little irrationally ticked off by that line. you know i'm kind of glad they were off doing something else for this one.
li and ping were fun in this movie, don't get me wrong. but also they contributed to the weird pacing in this movie because instead of dealing with the main plot, we have to watch their sideplot of catching up to the main plot?
the staff mechanics of 'you can only use its powers if someone willingly gives you the staff'. also strange, but not in a way i can articulate. like, i guess it ties back to kfp3 and how oogway describes qi manipulation as 'giving/taking'?
chameleon's motivations re: being rejected to train in kung fu in every training hall because she was so small and feeble is... strange to me, seeing as mantis exists. who is an objectively smaller creature. maybe there's a level of her being an unreliable narrator (like how shen views that his parents never loved him), but that's not how they play that out so it just feels like a weird plot hole if you think about it too much.
surprisingly not as annoyed about po not being recognized. listen, china is a big place and news does not travel fast, i figure. i already had similar headcanons, but applied to oogway so this isn't as large of a leap of logic for me.
this is a nothingburger thought to add but: once again baffled by the concept of predation in this world. from the bunny sitting in a broth he has to stir(???) in the bar scene, to the fish living in his adopted pelican mom's mouth. its weird! i don't like thinking about how meat eaters work in this world!
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Gone Girl
"When I think of my wife, I always think of her head. […] And what’s inside it. I think of that too: her mind. Her brain, all those coils, and her thoughts shuttling through those coils like fast, frantic centipedes. Like a child, I picture opening her skull, unspooling her brain and sifting through it, trying to catch and pin down her thoughts. What are you thinking, Amy? The question I’ve asked most often during our marriage, if not out loud, if not to the person who could answer. I suppose these questions stormcloud over every marriage: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?"
1. Roleplaying ♡
Since meeting her future husband, Nick, Amy knew what she had to do, portray herself as, a "cool girl,” a fake persona used in social events, slightly changing and adapting depending on the situation. Breaking that illusion slowly, changing to a more authentic Amy as Nick started to become lazy on his own, the marriage collapses day by day until she snaps and executes the crucial part of her plan, running away.
After running away, Amy modifies her illusion again to that of a weak innocent white woman who was kidnapped while pregnant. On the other hand her husband, Nick, also portrays himself as someone different, the perfect husband, this was achieved and perfected by Amy since they meet, his illusion was slowly broken until the point of no return (Amy finding out about the cheating with Andie), after Amy is reported missing Nick is suspected as Amy's killer due to his lies being exposed, he finds himself shape-shifting back to the "perfect husband" for his own sake.
2. Following the steps ♡
Nick mirrors the image of his dad, growing up with the fear of showing emotion or any kind of "feminine" characteristics, showing himself as self-centered and uncaring, constantly reminding himself of his father's words "Men don't cry" his daddy issues also make him a chronic people pleaser. Here comes into play the Madone-Whore complex we see in Nick: women are either saints with every virtue and a pure soul or prostitutes; it is the complete lack of empathy for the female gender, regarding women as objects of admiration or utter disgust, stripping them away from their complexity and humanity.
During the search for Amy Nick realizes how much his upbringing impacted his life, stating "I needed a child. I had to know that I could love a person unconditionally […] That I could be a different kind of father than my dad was. That I could raise a boy who wasn't like me". He understands that he has been behaving subconsciously like his father and ends up giving up his freedom(staying with Amy) to protect and raise his baby(unlike his father). On the other hand, Amy's parents marriage mirrors her own, a mask marrying a mask, their marriage was all built around the image of perfection for outsiders, having the same standards applied to Amy since her birth, her whole childhood being compared to the ideal version of herself(Amazing Amy)and the fear of not meeting those expectations "I can't fail to notice that whenever I screw something up, Amy does it right.”
3. Estrangement ♡
The big move from NYC to North Carthage had a deep impact on Amy, growing in the fast-paced, crowded, and cosmopolitan Big Apple. Amy's whole life shifts mood when they move back to Nick's hometown, marked by economic devastation and recession. Amy feels left out, like she does not belong there, reminding herself of the cuckoo clock she was gifted, something bustling with life and noise that belonged back in NYC that now feels trapped in their new home's quiet and depressing ambiance. This change in the environment also marks a shift in the tone of their marriage, with Nick becoming lazy, depending on Amy, as he used to depend on his mom as a kid, and Amy getting so fed up that her illusion starts to crack.
4. Unreliable narration ♡
The whole novel explores this idea of media sensationalism: everyone is an unreliable narrator, in the story and out of the story, even what is told to us. While characters often lie to each other throughout the novel we also get lied to, Amy's diary is a perfect example that fiction is not only written in Amazing Amy's books but also what information is given to us about what is going on, both Amy and Nick present their story in an untruthful way, This narrative technique not only adds suspense but also highlights how easily perceptions can be manipulated in relationships.
The media in the novel also does this; while Nick is not the culprit of Amy's disappearance, the whole country is led to believe so, media warps and shifts the focus of some aspects to press their point. Like Punch and Judy, the story is played by everyone like a puppet show; everyone is a mask on stage, portraying a certain role. Our life is a show, and the book is very much aware of this, making a satire of itself and media awareness.
5. Masks ♡
As stated before, everyone focuses on illusions and what the outside thinks. As Nick is portraying himself as the perfect husband again so the media believes his innocence, Amy sees a glimpse of the old illusion in him and regains faith in the relationship, don't get this wrong, she doesn't believe he changed his ways, all that matters to her is the illusion she is trying to portray, the perfect married couple
6. Cool Girl ♡
Like Amy describes it:
"Cool girl. Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment. She’s a Cool girl. Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrin-loving manner and then presents her mouth for fucking."
Amy knows that she plays a role, changing herself for others, having no actual sense of self (which is ironic since she writes personality quizzes for a living), shape-shifting, and dumbing herself to fit the role until she can no longer do it. The breaking of the cool girl is the unleashing of female rage; the unfairness of having to maintain a fake persona in a new place where she feels lost, while her husband broke his fake persona long ago, cheating and disregarding all of her emotions; and the gender roles that pressure women into being hollow objects in fear of complete disregard for their humanity, unable to speak her mind, and forced to accept the sheep mentality as their gender is only viewed as worthy when it is seen as pure.
Amy has become a small icon in the subculture of femcels, focusing on a deep dislike of males and the gender roles pressured in society. She reversed the predator/prey dynamics to benefit herself, using her white female status to seem innocent after committing such crimes.
Although her actions have caused deep pain to some unfortunate innocent characters like Go, her unborn baby, and even Desi, we have to take a look at the overall story as a sort of manifesto and not so literal. Amy represents the perfect female power fantasy to many readers or viewers of Gone Girl, being able to snap and take revenge when we cannot.
i might be insane
#kawaii dividers#gone girl#david fincher#gyllianFlynn#internetcore#absolute insanity#femcel#kawaiicore
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Tbh I think you are the only white loustat fan Ive seen here who is actually interested in louis as a character and not just an extension of lestat? Once you realize most of the fandom only sees louis as part of lestat's story it makes sense why there's little to no loumand content.
Let me talk about Louis. Let. Me. Talk. About. Louis.
I have been a Louis fan since I read Interview for the first time. I was....15 (?), maybe 16, and had finally convinced myself I could read Iwtv. (For those that don't know, Iwtv has been part of my life since I was born; I was named after Kirsten Dunst in the movie (my parents were raging Tom Cruise fans in the '90s, this is how that all happened) and so my whole life was 'being named from some vampire movie.' Problem? I hated blood growing up; couldn't look at it on a screen, couldn't think about it, made me nauseous. So as cool as vampires were, it took me time to read and watch it because 🤢).
Anyway.
So I read Interview, and I don't just read it, I devour it. I was obsessed. My mom had me on a book-buying ban so I couldn't buy anymore of the series, so I just reread Interview over and over again.
2-3 years later, I'm in college and have a little bit of money of my own, and I buy TVL and QotD. And -- and it took me forever to read TVL. It wasn't anything against Lestat necessarily, but 1) anyone that has read these books knows it's kind of like whiplash when you go to TVL and Lestat's narration is...well, Lestat lol and 2) I had fallen in love, long ago, with Louis' way of speaking.
But I eventually power through (and I love TVL. Arguably the best book of the series (???)). But then. Then I start getting into TotBT. And it's great! Lestat and Louis have some amazing moments and I adored so many parts of it, and it may be the general funniest book of the series. But also David is introduced and I could feel myself worrying.
Anyway, to make my relationship with book-Louis shorter, I struggled tremendously to read the rest of the series. Louis started getting mentioned less and less and less, and it became obvious for a time that he and Lestat were just. On different paths, as it seemed, and wouldn't really cross again and I was heartbroken and devastated. I missed Louis. I missed his outlooks and the way he and Lestat spoke to one another and his beauty and the way Lestat talked about him. The final "trilogy" of Prince Lestat was a godsend for me, personally, because it brought Louis back, it brought Louis and Lestat back, and it felt better, felt complete.
But! Show Louis.
So I followed the production of IwtV religiously for a while. Anne sold rights in 2016 and it seemed like it was happening! Then there was nothing for some time. I remember a vague 2019 article about it and, at that point, I was just in the "I'll believe it when I see it" category.
All of a sudden, it's happening before I even know it. And casting is announced. And I was -- so hesitant at both Sam and Jacob's casting. Sam because Lestat is such a character that I really was just like, "Can this man embody Lestat in the way Lestat should exist in this world?" (The answer is a resounding yes, x336548483929299485577838291038475747372272884) and with Jacob, I hadn't known of the time change yet and I was like....what are y'all doing?
Then I learned of the time change and I got nervous all over again because change is, y'know, sometimes scary when you know things. And Louis is everything to me and I was like, "Please do justice by him."
Oh. My. God.
There are a couple of things to mention here, namely the writing and Jacob's acting.
When it comes to the writing, I want to kiss anyone and everyone involved in developing Louis' story the way they did. Everything -- from his profession to his relationship with Paul and religion and sexuality and his mother and Grace and just -- everything, is so nuanced and beautiful and complex and having multiple episodes that showcase what all Louis really went through (both before and after being a vampire) and what he lost through all of it is just stunning. And it's one of those things that Louis' race, in particular, has made him such a better character because of what his struggles bring to the table. He is a queer black man, something that is not shown a ton in media, and he is a queer black man born into Jim Crow America, making a name for himself in a world that doesn't want him to succeed in any capacity. And he pushes and works because he's doing what's best by his family, even if they don't see it that way sometimes, and he endures because it's the only way to survive, and when vampirism comes in this box of a beautiful man promising him the world, he takes it, and yet he still tries to do good by his name, he still tries to be what he considers to be morally good. And he may be misguided on what good is, and he may be doing the wrong thing sometimes, but he is always trying. And I just think he's beautiful; both physically and emotionally beautiful.
I've found myself thinking so long and so hard on Louis' past; what his dad may have been like, what it was like being the oldest sibling and knowing he was one of the only ones that truly saw Paul and loved him, knowing that he could never be himself because queer and black and godly don't go together and just ! What was the Pointe du Lac household like when Louis started working in Storyville? What exact experiences, beyond Jonah, did Louis have with men? How many were good, were bad, were scary perhaps? Did he ever come close to an actual relationship or was he too busy saving his family and trying not to disappoint a god that wasn't there for him? What was it like when Paul was in the hospital in Jackson? Did Louis go see him and read to him, like when they were kids?
And now, in Louis' vampirism, how is he going to come to terms with his blood drinking? How exactly to we go from, what we can imagine to be, absolute suicidal devastation and emptiness after losing Claudia to the flirty enigmatic boy at the bar in the 1970s flashback? When will 2022!Louis fully break, and show us that LDPDL is still very much in there and full of that specific fight that drew Lestat to him in the first place?
And JACOB. I could never have asked for a better person to play Louis. He brings everything anyone could want to the table. He's Louis' beauty, he's Louis' quiet rage, he's Louis' tenderness, he's Louis' bookishness, he's Louis' love, he's Louis in every possible way. He brings such a complexity to Louis and, most importantly, he brings him to life. I cannot think of Louis now in any other capacity than Jacob Anderson. I am so grateful for him and for the work he's put in and the way his entire heart is in this role.
So, yes. I love Louis. I love Louis as a character all on his own because he's, quite literally, everything to me.
#i can talk about louis all day#and if you're not on this post to talk about louis and how amazing he is go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is my louis love essay because !!!#honestly give me a pointe du lac season where it's just louis' life pre-lestat#show me grace and paul and louis hiding#and show me again how being loved by lestat was such freedom#so unexpected and beautiful to be seen by someone after hiding for so long#<3#long post for ts#sorry i love him
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Hello....I'm not the anon who asked YOI & SVSSS, but can I ask the same questions (fave characters/why you love them and fave moments) but this time about MDZS? Thanks if you want to answer.....
Absolutely happy to answer!
Top 5 MDZS characters!
5. A-Yuan/Lan Sizhui: baby A-Yuan was so so cute and fun but I also really enjoy how he's just this good guy. He's calm and patient and kind but he's also not like outstanding or a genius. He's just a dutiful nice young man with two dads and a dead uncle. Anyway he just makes me happy
4. Lan Wangji: controversial I know to put him so low. I do love him just not as much as some of the other characters. I love how autistic he's coded since I am autistic. I love how he basically wrote Wei Wuxian a note that said "get out of my school" because he couldn't handle his crush but was devastated when Wei Wuxian got out of his school.
I love his desperate attempts to help Wei Wuxian. I especially love how he had grown in the years of their separation. While Wei Wuxian always saw him as confident before Wei Wuxian's death I see a Lan Wangji who was unsure and uncomfortable and not clear on how to help or what to do.
Whereas Lan Wangji post Wei Wuxian's resurrection is completely confident in himself and his decisions. He's able to tease and flutter Wei Wuxian the way he had flustered Lan Wangji before. It's a realistic maturity he's been granted
3. Wei Wuxian: I love his energy and how morally grey he is. He has strong convictions and does what he thinks is right but (at least in his first life) he also believes that his ends justify his means.
He is impulsive, charming, oblivious to his own sexuality to an incredibly familiar degree, and can dish out teasing but can't take it
He loves with his whole being but he also hates with his whole being. He's a creature of absolutes which I love
He also really needed to explain things better to people in his life holy fuck
I also like how death matured him. He has regrets and wishes he did some things differently and is just calmer post resurrection which is good
I also like how he is very much an unreliable narrator because his perception and reality are not at all the same
2. Lan Jingyi: the most un-Lanlike Lan to ever Lan. He picks fights with everyone, he's loud, he'd abrasive, he picks on Jin Ling, he picks fights with sect leaders!
I love him
1. Jiang Cheng: he is a complete asshole but I love him. I just feel for him with his story. His mom was abusive, his dad was neglectful of him, he felt unwanted and a failure and everything impressive or good that he did was overshadowed by Wei Wuxian who he still loved! And tried to help and protect in his own way for a long time only for it to feel like it had all been thrown back in his face in favour of strangers
Like if you really think about the story from his perspective it's hard not to feel for Jiang Cheng. He's angry and hurt and an asshole but also he loves his close ones, especially Jin Ling, so much. And Jin Ling feels so safe with him. He never worries that Jiang Cheng will harm him but he's worried about disappointing him. But the way Jin Ling is loyal to Jiang Cheng speaks volumes
Jiang Cheng is selfish. In thst he wants to protect what's his and only that but that's also what makes him interesting
There is a lot I identity with when it comes to Jiang Cheng and feel like at the end of the novel there is a door open for him and Wei Wuxian to heal even though it will never be what it was
Top 5 moments
5. When Young Wei Wuxian first meets Lan Wangji and in particular the aftermath where he says out of no where about Lan Wangji not liking him "he's not that pretty" only to internally realise he is that pretty and ignore the pouty feeling Lan Wangji ignoring him gives him
Like that is so incredibly gay and the fact he doesn't realise it is just...I was like that at 15 I get it
4. When Lan Wangji in the cave is done with Wei Wuxian's shit and bites him. How can you not love that scene?
3. Jiang Cheng being physically restrained trying to protect Wei Wuxian from his mother in front of the Wens. As badly as it goes I really think that's an insight into his real character and a moment that highlights why they were willing to go to such lengths for each other (cause remember Jiang Cheng only lost his core because he got caught so Wei Wuxian could escape)
2. The Kiss on Phoenix Mountain: I mean it's iconic isn't it? Also definitely opened a door for Wei Wuxian I'm just saying. Someone acquired a kink that day ...
1. The confession scene. Again it's just iconic with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji ruining Jin Guangyao's villain moment by being gay and in love is just *chefs kiss* actually the whole temple scene where Wei Wuxian's various relationship drama is aired out while Jin Guangyao is like "hello? This was my big emotional moment?" Is just brilliant
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Rereading To Kill a Mockingbird and just finished Part 1!
Most of this is me just reiterating things I said two years ago when I read this for class and marveling at them, though I expand somewhat in some areas. I don’t think my perspective changed as drastically this time around compared to the way it did in between my first and second reads, but that’s probably because when I read it first, I didn’t quite catch every single implication, whereas upon reading it for class, my teacher explained a lot. Anyway, without further ado:
The narration by an adult Scout? P E R F E C T. She gives so much insight into the mind of a child while also being able to provide us readers with more insight than her younger self could.
The children...oh my goodness, them and their superstitions as a motif in Part One? That really contrasts Part Two. From an adult perspective, their fears are irrational, and rather than relating to large, abstract evils like racism, they’re more related to smaller, concrete things that they’ve judged as evil based on folklore and rumors and half-truths.
This proclivity towards judgment is almost innate, as children this young are engaging in it. While it’s low-stakes and less harmful for children playing games, it’s still destructive, which is why Atticus cares so much about weeding it out early and preventing them from making fun of, bothering, or otherwise othering Boo Radley. This almost-innate tendency to judge is something the racists of Maycomb encourage, and he will not stand for the town corrupting his children.
Honestly, I love that Part One largely chronicles the children’s carefree summer romps and really only contrasts it with school when necessary. Within this contrast is another contrast between knowledge and experience, textbook learning and life lessons. It’s very telling that Scout remembers more of her firsthand experiences and lessons from life than the ones from school.
The constant reiterations from Atticus about empathy. Just the constant reiterations about empathy. They’re everything and I love how Scout spends the entire novel trying to refine and apply her knowledge.
In one of my web weaving posts, I used that quote from Atticus about real courage being “knowing you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what” and how “[y]ou rarely win, but sometimes you do.” It just hit me that perhaps the children still believe Atticus can win because they saw Mrs. Dubose win, and Mrs. Dubose wasn’t even the best of people, so how much more capable is Atticus of doing the same? Sadly, their innocence means that they don’t fully realize just yet how severely poisonous racism is and how it can overpower and shout down the words of good men, and once they realize, it’s devastating.
These lessons are largely preparations for the trial in Part Two, as Atticus hopes he can get his children through it with their hope for the world and beliefs in equality intact--he doesn’t want them to become bitter or racist, and that’s really what marks him as a good parent.
Jem’s line, “I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, but I ain’t so sure now!” always gets me--even if it’s disrespectful, it’s actually pretty funny. It got me when I read it the first time at my mom’s suggestion, reread it for class two years ago, and am rereading for class now.
Dill. Just everything about him and how he copes with humor. It’s kinda sad when you think about it.
Love love love Miss Maudie, as always. She’s just so sweet and caring...also, while we’re at it, can I give Calpurnia a shoutout for being so protective of the children and of the town in Chapter 10 when the rabid dog Tim Johnson becomes a threat?
The rabid dog as a symbol of the town’s racism and how the trial later parallels Atticus shooting the dog...how both attack when least expected and in the least expected ways and it’s on Atticus to fight back...how the dog is an immediate concern but racism in Maycomb is far more extensive and widespread with serious, long-term ramifications...
And I think that’s all I have to say for now.
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"Army of Ghosts" thoughts
i really need to stop doubting russell. he put his whole pussy into some of these episodes
so this is one of those stories i've never rewatched, ever. the ending to "doomsday" devastated me so severely in high school (11-ish years ago) that i shied away from ever returning to this story. so far, it bangs
it begins w narration from rose about nothing ever having happened to her in her entire life, you can actually hear billie smile when she says "and then i met a man called the doctor" and like. i really can't stress enough. rose is the insane one in their relationship. rose carries the brunt of the derangement. house/wilson, hannibal/will, i am a huge sucker for pairings where the "normal" half is the sickest person alive and that is the most interesting interpretation of rose, to me. she is so bored of normal life that she would literally rather die than return to it, and she LOVES it, she craves it, the danger is the appeal not the doctor. she obviously has feelings for him (mutual) but it doesn't matter if he's ancient or ugly or whatever, she needs this life. rose is insane. bless
i do love her kindness tho. her being very delicate and gentle w jackie over the ghosts thing, reminding her that her dad is dead, saying she wishes she could smell the same cigarette smoke but she doesn't
and the doctor's reaction to the ghosts. "don't you think it's beautiful?" "i think it's horrific" ouch. he's right but ouch. i do think jackie has a point, though not the one she thinks she's making. the fact that people have the capacity to love so deeply, so intently, that they see blurry figurines appear out of thin air and assign qualities and personalities and scents to them, they see a footprint and vividly reminisce about the boot, i do think that's beautiful. the human capacity for love even in the strangest circumstances is, to me (a historian by schooling, vet med by profession) one of the most endearing, admirable traits of humanity
rose blowing off jackie's concern for her new lifestyle by being like "i worked in a SHOP" [ie my previous life had no meaning or value] and jackie defensively saying "i've worked in shops" yes girl. retail workers have value and are in fact braver than any us marine (source: worked in macy's on black friday). rose has this nice dichotomy that feels deeply real, where she is kind of ashamed of her life (living at home, working retail) but also protective of it (defends her mom, always makes a point to talk to "the help")
we get our first allons-y this episode
we also get the resolution to 1000 mentions of torchwood this season. my boyfriend actually didn't know torchwood was a dw spinoff before he started this watch w me, which is kind of funny. torchwood isn't really worth all the buildup, tbh. it's not worth the hype. huge shoutout to burn gorman tho, wildly underrated as an actor. "we must defend our border against the alien" and wanting to harness the power of the hole between worlds in order to "never depend on the middle east again" wow really not subtle here. even ignoring the plans to reinstate the british empire. davies is virulently anti-establishment in this show (and i assume irl) and it's deeply refreshing; i think doctor who can be a little too liberal-centrist for my tastes at times (capaldi zygon two-parter my beloathed grrrrrrrrrrr) so i really respect how often he went whole-hog acab fuck the government. it's one of the biggest reasons i'm excited to have him BACK
oh also hi mickey again
anyway part 2! can't wait to die!!
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what i really liked about the hunger games
reading the hunger games (specifically Mockingjay) and that bloody scene. that scene where Katniss makes Johanna a sachet of pine needles because she thinks that the smell might remind her of home. it nearly made me cry.
like suzanne collins did such a good job of walking the line. Making Katniss so stubborn, making her such an unreliable narrator, hate herself so much that all she can think is that she’s an evil person, that she’s responsible for all the death around her. She did such a realistic portrayal of trauma and depression and PTSD with Katniss. Like there are many “tough girls” in literature that I really disliked and couldn’t understand why they were given the importance in the story that they were, but Katniss makes so much sense.
like, she’s been in traumatic circumstances since she was a child. We should talk about her ace (adverse childhood experiences) first. These are toxic stress experiences that are likely to create a lasting impact on children. Neglect: emotional and physical. That’s 2 right there. Her mother couldn’t be there for her little sister and herself. She took on the role of caretaker (which is ENORMOUS in terms of stress and pressure) for her younger sister and herself when she was 11. This was not intentional neglect on her mother’s part, but the experience was awful. Her mother had a mental illness, depression. That’s 3. The reason for her mother’s depression was death of a relative, their father, there’s 4. An ACE score of 4 makes triples your likelihood to experience chronic depression, to have a serious problem working, makes you 4 times more likely to experience alcohol addiction, and actually makes you more likely to experience physical illnesses like heart disease or a stroke. Even without the arena, Katniss’s life experience was devastating.
Then they put her in the Hunger Games. She experiences a war zone. She experiences her trauma being broadcast for people to enjoy. She’s pressured into romantic relationships. (Not by Peeta, really: he isn’t trying to manipulate her in any way, but the capital certainly is, and the one male mentor/father figure other than Cinna that Katniss has in her life is pressuring her too. Gale does put some pressure on Katniss as well. He’s trying to get her to choose him when what Katniss really really needs is space to take care of her mental health. The last thing she wants is marriage). I think we could also add substance addiction by a family member to Katniss’s ace score here since she views Haymitch as a mentor, almost family figure and she’s still under 17 at this point.
Her experience of PTSD and trauma explains so many things. She doesn’t want kids: she saw what happened when her mom lost her dad, and she sees people loosing their kids all the time. She doesn’t want a romantic relationship: she sees the damage that loosing one has done to her mom. Her nearly immediate attachment to Cinna? I’d say she’s subconsciously seeking a dependable, trustworthy father figure and he’s the first one she has. Her work avoidance in book 3? Probably trauma. Her anger all the way through? Trauma. It’s a very good portrayal.
The unfortunate thing is that these things could make her seem very toxic and cold as a person when she’s instead extremely traumatized if you don’t know about ACE or PTSD.
But even then, there’s things like I mentioned at the beginning. Flowers for Rue. Her concern for the avoxes. Those pine needles and bark for Johanna. Her joking with Finnick in Mockingjay. There are all of these absolutely silent things she does to be kind, without even thinking about them as kind. Giving food to strangers at the lake. She doesn’t do them for notoriety. Most people don’t even notice that she’s doing them. I would say that’s what I like most about Katniss as a character. I think probably the only people who notice those silent things about her are her friends and family. They’re tiny, thoughtful things, and they make her who she is. I think that’s why I think she’s really a hero. Not because she does brave or courageous things, but because she does things no one will notice when no one else will think to.
#the hunger games#thg#katniss everdeen#katniss#meta#reading#trauma#ptsd#realistic depictions of mental illness#ace scores#adverse childhood experiences
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Interview with Anders Ohlin in The Black Metal Murders: English translation
Translator’s note: Black metal-morden (English: The Black Metal Murders) is a radio documentary from 2017 produced by Radio Sweden (download). It’s about Mayhem and the Norwegian black metal scene in the ‘90s and contains interviews with Jørn “Necrobutcher” Stubberud, Kjetil Manheim, Eirik “Messiah” Norheim and Anders Ohlin (Pelle Ohlin’s younger brother).
Here, I’ve translated the parts where Anders Ohlin speaks into English (from Swedish). I’ve added time-stamps and short descriptions for the different sections of the interview.
I am working on translating the interviews with Necrobutcher, Manheim and Messiah and will post them soon.
1:51 - 6:35 [Talking about him and Pelle getting into extreme metal]
Anders: We’d started listening to hard rock and it was… We’d, like, worked through all of those… Judas Priest and Iron Maiden.
Narrator: It’s the mid-1980s in Västerhaninge, a suburb of Stockholm. Pelle Ohlin lives here. He plays in the extreme metal band Morbid and his stage name is Dead. Pelle has introduced his five-years-younger brother to hard rock. Together, they’ve worked through all of the main bands.
Anders: And you, like, hungered for this… This Other.
Narrator: The ‘Other’ that younger brother Anders is talking about is extreme metal; music that is faster, darker and harder. A progression of hard rock. Music that isn’t easy to get your hands on at this time. Anders is in his early teens and has gotten his first girlfriend.
Anders: It was my first relationship and it was super-exciting, and I was at her house, she lived in Jordbro, which is, like, the neighbouring suburb.
Narrator: Anders’ girlfriend’s older sister has an LP that Anders simply must show his older brother Pelle.
Anders: It was, like, you knew it was good music, and it was that Destruction record.
Narrator: Anders sees the German death metal band Destruction’s cover and it’s enough for him to understand that this must be good music. [...]
Anders: This. This here isn’t Judas Priest and it isn’t Iron Maiden; it’s something else. I’ve got show this fucking record to Pelle.
Narrator: Anders nags [his girlfriend’s older sister] to borrow the LP. He’s allowed to, but only for the day, so he bikes home in the rain from Jordbro to Västerhaninge as quickly as he can.
Anders: And it was like [excited noise], like a cartoon; the evil wolf, their eyes bulge out and we both ran -- because we hadn’t heard the LP, only seen the cover -- ran to the record player och then Mom walks up and is like: ‘Stop! You’re forbidden from using the gramophone.’ And it was like, fucking hell, is it going to die here and then we explained to Mom -- ‘This is an extreme record and we’ve borrowed it for the day and it’s going back tomorrow,’ -- and Mom was super-harsh and was like: ‘It doesn’t matter. [...]’ And then we started negotiating and agreed that we could record the LP onto cassette [because you don’t need volume for that]. So, it was on full-blast the entire night and we recorded it and stood bent over the record scratches and were like,‘Shit, this is good stuff’.
Narrator: Pelles hard rock style stands out against the usual sweatpant-Bagheera-jacket [style], not least the music.
Anders: The ideals that existed at that time were that you were supposed to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, which neither he nor I did [laughs]. You were supposed to be handsome and cool and have some fucking helipad on your head.
Translator’s note: Anders is talking about a flat-top haircut commonly referred to as a ‘helikopterplattafrisyr’ -- helipad haircut -- in Sweden. Think H.R. Haldeman. I’m not sure what the English term for this haircut is.
Narrator: Anders and Pelle are apart of a small subculture; extreme metal, with subgenres such as trash metal, death metal and black metal, which provokes with its satanic and morbid symbols. Pelle’s band Morbid pushes the limits of what music can sound like. With his stage-name Dead, Pelle sings on the demo December Moon. The new subculture is not embraced by the adult world.
Anders: Like, we faced this fucking cultural oppression as hardrockers. It was that time-period… And especially if you wanted to do something that was worse than hard rock; it was completely judged.
14:52 - 15:53 [Talking about Pelle being bullied]
Anders: He was beaten at school and to such an extent that he actually died for a while, or however you put it.
Narrator: There’s an explanation to Pelle’s obsession with death. At 13, he was bullied at school and once, he was beaten so badly that his spleen burst. Pelle’s brother Anders Ohlin tells the story.
Anders: He was beaten to death and had some near-death experience as he was laying in the hospital and he kept coming back to that all the time, and I think you can see that as some sort of theme in his songs too. Like, it’s always about the fact that he was actually there and touched something that he doesn’t know what it is, and that was the engine in all that. He was definitely [at the bottom of the pecking order] at school, precisely because he was a bit… He had his special... his special style and was, like, uncompromising, and that was what singled him out, I’d say, markedly from other teenagers.
18:07 - 18:30 [Talking about Pelle’s depression]
Anders: He would neglect to eat, just to get a cassette tape out or arrange a gig somewhere.
Narrator: Anders Ohlin, Pelle’s brother.
Anders: To be a bit harsh, I think that the others gave up at some point. And that’s my personal interpretation. That he suddenly turns around and notices that he hasn’t got the gang with him. And I think that destroyed him.
21:50 - 22:30 [Talking about Pelle’s suicide]
Anders: At first, I was actually really pissed at him… Or, like, angry, enraged. I thought that he’d abandoned us -- which he has. That it was so shitty of him; to just take off and leave this big fucking abscess to the rest of us that just kept growing and growing as the years passed.
Narrator: Christmases become especially painful for the Ohlin family, because that was the time Pelle usually came home.
Anders: No one felt good on Christmas Eve. It was like a fucking ghost all Christmas. Brutal. So, I remember that I couldn’t celebrate Christmas at all for a very long time.
1:06:39 - 1:09:31 [Talking about how he and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him and his life today]
Anders: All of his Swedish friends see him as this exuberantly happy guy that spews ideas and is funny and has a sense of humor and stuff. Then, it’s like a line is drawn when he goes to Norway and they see him as introverted and mysterious and, like, difficult. And that’s two opposite images.
Narrator: The Pelle Myth is associated with a lot of darkness and death but that’s not how his brother Anders and Pelle’s Swedish friends remember him.
Anders: I think that’s been the devastating part, but it, like, helped him build… strengthen that myth. It’s hard being that funny dude and saying that you’re, like, Satan. It’s hard, it becomes, like, silly.
Narrator: Anders is often reminded of Pelle. Usually because of happy memories but also because of that image that he is fighting to remove; the image that Øystein took of Pelle’s corpse which spread because it became the album cover of a Mayhem bootleg, Dawn of the Black Hearts. The image lives its own life on the internet.
Anders: It’s difficult. It’s very difficult.
Narrator: Pelle’s fans often want to become Facebook friends with Anders; he receives 3-5 friend requests per day. Sometimes, the people sending the friend requests have themselves shared the image on their social channels.
Anders: You say you want to be my friend yet you have an image of my brother from when he’s just killed himself and like… body parts all over the wall. Would you think it was okay if I had an image of your brother like that? ‘What,’ they excuse themselves. ‘Oh, fuck, I’d forgotten that I had that image, that’s… Of course, I’ll remove it and I’m ashamed.’
Narrator: When Anders asks people to remove the image, most do.
Anders: I’m terrified for when my children will start to Google those images… Øystein’s parents inherited the rights after Øystein died and [Øystein’s dad] has destroyed the images and I’ve received the rights, gotten to take over the rights from Øystein’s dad, so if anyone uses them in any form is printed media, I can sue the shit out of them.
Narrator: It’s a small comfort every time one of Pelle’s fans tells Anders how much Pelle means.
Anders: Most often, they have some story. They tell me how they’ve had a tough period in life and how they’ve, like, really been at a crossroads or something and feel that they received guidance from Pelle’s music. That warms -- That makes you happy. That really warms your heart.
Narrator: Pelle’s grave is well-visited and every now and then, there’s a handwritten letter or a box of snus by it.
#mayhem#the true mayhem#per ohlin#pelle ohlin#per yngve ohlin#jorn stubberud#necrobutcher#kjetil manheim#eirik norheim#manheim#messiah#black metal#black metal history#true norwegian black metal#lords of chaos#my translation
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Potential Devastating Theory for Martha’s Season 2 Arc:
This is a long post, so buckle up! @outinthewildspodcast and I tag teamed this post to share with y’all the potential devastating theory that maybe Martha kills/injures one of the girls, most likely Nora. We had a field day in our DMs a while back developing this theory and I think it’s about high time y’all join us in our pain lol I want to caveat this by saying, none of us want this to be true, but the evidence is so compelling, we have a hard time ruling it out-
So, what if the reason Gretchen and co are looking for evidence to use against Martha is because she snaps and kills/hurts someone (Nora or even possibly Shelby?) because if Martha was dead, why would they be looking to discredit her with the perjury info?
If you rewatch the scenes in episode 9 between Detective Young and Gretchen, there is so much ambiguity in the pieces they discuss. Detective Young is being asked to find them a way out of “this one” and to find a “creative solution so the family can’t sue”. Both of these obscure what he is actually looking to protect Gretchen from. The first point to unpack is about the box that Detective Young is going through. It’s posed to us as containing Martha’s belongings (the frog cape, her hedgehog slippers), but something that definitely doesn’t belong in there is Nora’s journal. Yet it’s the first thing we see. This builds that initial link between Nora and Martha (and hold the fact that journal is there… we’ll come back to it).
The second piece is when Young talks about the family suing. WHOSE family? They never actually specify.
We assume it’s Martha’s Mom looking to sue, but if that were the case, and they are looking for some kind of blackmail to use as leverage, how would Martha committing perjury help them at all? No one is ever going to prosecute or blame that young girl for not being ready to talk about her trauma. And I think canon makes it clear that Bernice knows she lied, so why would she care? So, while yes, she did commit perjury-no prosecutor would go after her. It’s such bad press. And it’s incredibly weak leverage.
But, if you consider the possibility of Marty snapping and killing/injuring someone, say for the content of this post Nora for example, Gretchen could use the perjury and whatever other information they can find to discredit Martha and paint her as unstable. They could use that as a way to displace any responsibility from themselves onto Martha herself. So, if Nora gets injured, and her parents want to sue, Gretchen and her team could use this information to put the blame solely on Martha and absolve themselves (despite arguably contributing to the atmosphere/conditions that ultimately lead to Martha breaking down in the first place.) Now, let’s bring Nora’s journal back. We know that Nora was documenting everything, including the mental state of all of the girls. That journal would have important information about how Martha was doing and if Nora was growing concerned about her.
It’s also important to note, based off the context clues in the dialogue of that scene, it’s clear they are trying to get ahead of it before the family can place the blame on Gretchen. There’s no actual suit being charged against them yet, but they are aware there’s an incident that might warrant that kind of reaction from “the family” once they find out. They are in damage control mode.
This brings me to a post I made a while back, about the storyline between Faber and Leah in episode 6. If you divorce Leah’s narration from the visuals you see in this episode, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s talking about day twelve (title of ep.) The dialogue in these scenes could very easily fit the events from episode 10 where Leah follows Nora into the woods and falls into the pit. We know the point of Faber’s actions in this episode is to make Leah feel guilty about what happened to Martha-we assume how she got very sick from the muscles and Leah lost the medicine. But if we think about these scenes in context of Leah following Nora in ep 10, not Shelby in ep 6, Faber could be making Leah feel guilty about what happened with Martha (her potentially harming Nora) because Leah would have been the one who told the girls that Nora was a confederate. She’s the only one who had that information of Nora being the confederate, and by revealing it, made Nora a target for Martha’s aggression. They want Leah to feel guilty. To feel responsible. To question whether her revealing that information put everyone else at risk. Gaslighting her into thinking she imagined Nora as a confederate? It ties in with Young and Faber speaking to Shelby about the “unfortunate instances” that happened on the Island. There was clearly an escalation of violence in the group, which can be connected not only to the characters who are missing from the bunker, but also to injuries we see (Shelby’s head and twisted ankle to name a few).
BUT WHY WOULD MARTY DO SUCH A THING? You ask?!
Martha is in such a bad way at the end of ep10. It’s evident she is not okay by her scenes with Dot and Rachel back at camp afterwards. Martha has spent her whole life (post Dr. Ted) using kindness and clinging to this childlike wonder as a coping mechanism. She shattered that façade when she killed the goat. The way that scene is shot, shifting between Island Marty and Marty in her jingle dress, the one she was going to wear to the ADULT jingle competition really highlights this transition from childlike naivety to “growing up.” By walking out on her adult dance competition, Martha was subconsciously refusing to grow up and accept the reality of the horrible things that happened to her. And so, the façade was built. Killing the goat is what brings it crumbling down, and now years of pushing off that trauma is catching up to her, no longer walled off.
Martha’s arc is incredibly incomplete. We have this moment of catharsis when she kills the goat, but only see the start of her struggle afterwards. She’s in a bad way in Episode 10 and she’s going to be in a really bad way in Season 2. It’d be understandable to see her lash out, and channel the rage she’s probably had gently simmering deep below the surface finally come boiling over. Coming to terms with trauma you have experienced is messy, it’s painful and it can enhance the pain you’ve held down for years. If Leah tells the girls about the events from ep 10 (the tree camera, the pit, etc.) It’s very plausible Nora becomes a target for Martha’s misplaced rage as she blames her for putting her on the Island (where she had to come to terms with her trauma) in the first place. Martha was probably very happy (on a surface level at least) ignoring the truth of her trauma. Now, out here, she’s forced to face it, and she’s not happy about it.
Now, I’m sure you might be thinking, that’s a bit of a jump. Martha isn’t perceived as violent; Leah mentioned how “every creature meant something to her,” she’s a vegetarian, she doesn’t like that Shelby hunts, she’s adamantly adverse to the idea of killing the goat at first. She’d never hurt someone intentionally. But you can’t separate that from her fear of becoming like the person who caused her harm. She holds onto that kindness because it’s connected with her childhood (and all the ways she is stuck as a 12 year old), but also because she never wants to imitate the harm that was done to her. She sees herself in those animals. So her entire world shifted when she became what she would classify as a predator, or someone who causes harm.
There is a sinister feeling behind the smile Martha gets when she does inevitably kill the goat. We assume it’s a response to an emotional release. But what if? Could it be the start of her breaking point? What if the violence ramps up, using the justification for survival to carry out more and more?
You might think it’s a big jump to go from killing the goat to harming Nora. But a possible step in between is Rachel’s hand amputation. I know we mostly all assume Dot is the one who ends up having to amputate Rachel's hand (assuming the shark bites it and leaves it too mangled instead of cleanly biting it off.) But Dot is struggling too at the end of Season 1. What if she tries and can’t bring herself to do it? What if it's Martha that volunteers to do it? I could see a scene (if they were to show something so graphic) of Martha with the axe that parallels her with the rock she killed the goat with. Maybe that is the next step in Martha losing control, her violence (though justifiable in her mind, killing the goat for survival, amputating Rachel's hand so she doesn't die) just keeps ratcheting up. And maybe, it feels good? Years of suppressing such a deeply traumatic event finally being released with each hit.
So, when it's perceived that Nora is a threat, Martha feels she has to take her out to save the rest of them. For survival. To protect the others. Because no one was able to protect her.
#the wilds#the wilds theory#martha blackburn#nora reid#leah rilke#the wilds theories#the wilds analysis#the wilds meta
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Some thoughts on Euphoria (S1, special episodes and S2) in no particular order:
The actors look so old, it’s way beyond believable that their characters are high schoolers. Why not just set it in college? Life doesn’t end after High School. The only logical reason I can see is that Nate/Jules had to be underage for the story, but c’mon. Especially in the beginning of S1 I was so bothered by this.
I don’t really see why some people claim the show glamorizes drug use. Sure, there are aestetically pleasing visualisations of being high, but generally it’s always treated as something destructive for Rue and her surroundings.
The framework for Rue’s narration is weird. Yes, she knows these people, some of them are her friends. Yes, it is mentioned that she feels like she has a visionary power when she’s on drugs. But all the details in her narration that she can’t possibly know, that might of course be true, because they fit in well with what she really does know about these people for a fact - these details and backstories are sold as factual to the viewer? I mean, the narration and what is visually shown about the backstory of the people is always the same. So, is it just Rue’s imagination to go in line of what she is saying? Otherwise Rue kinda has to be an all-knowing narrator. And that’s a really odd choice, in my opinion. But maybe I’m just overthinking this.
My favourite characters in s1 were Cassie and Kat. No wonder s2 was disappointing.
All these people have such beautiful make-up ahhhh. I need to buy glitter eyeliner now.
Very beautifully shot.
I enjoyed the special episodes. They were unlike anything I’ve seen before and so well written.
S2 episode 5 was so intense. Having to watch Rue destroy every good relationship in her life was so heavy and devastating.
I’ve heard people say Cassie was the villain of season 2. Why, though? I never would have interpreted her character that way. Just... needy of therapy like everyone else in this show. From the beginning on she felt bad for what she was doing to Maddy, and I know that doesn’t justify her behaviour, but there was no malicious intent inside her, only the twisted obsession for Nate.
Kat’s break-up with Ethan was so cringy, help me.
Generally, Kat. S1 kinda portrayed her evolution as “empowering”, which is problematic as she is literally underage. The show never explored the damaging side effects the sex work must have on her views on sex and intimacy. It was hinted at, occasionally, but never became a storyline, which is a real shame I think. Her struggles with maintaining her relationship with Ethan could have been presented under that light. It really wouldn’t have been difficult.
So many of Rue’s actions didn’t have repercussions. All the things she damaged in E5, the money she owned Laurie ... But well, I hope this comes up in S3 again.
I think it’s sad that the themes of Jules’ solo episode weren’t explored more, her relationship to femininity and such. Again, only hinted at, but Jules wasn’t as fleshed out in S2 anymore.
Am I the only one who didn’t think it was okay that Lexi performed her play at the school? Let me explain. So, the way her play was, there would have been a time and a place for it to be okay. Some years in the future, when most of the at the time on-going conflicts between the people portayed are resolved, on any stage that is not the one in their High School. But performing an autofictional play with literally no changes except for the names in front of an audience full of people portayed without their consent while the conflicts are still present? Like, she literally included the carousel scene with Cassie. I, too, would have felt so mocked, even if the majority of the audience didn’t know it was about me. I get that it was about “Lexi taking action” or whatever, but it felt impious to me. Also, she didn’t really do much with the story in terms of creative processing, it’s just like her diary. At least her Mom had fun and it helped Rue. But I don’t think she deserves to be treated like a saint for bringing this play to the stage and into the story.
Some visualisations of drug use reminded me of my all time favourite series “Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo”. I’ve seen articles comparing the two before and I can agree, in a good way.
#might add more later idk#euphoria#euphoria season 1#euphoria season 2#spoilers#hbo euphoria#rue bennett#jules vaughn#kat hernandez#cassie howard#nate jacobs#maddy perez#lexi howard#fezco#zendaya#hunter schafer
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Good day to you. Or at any time you're reading this. I hope you have delishus meal. Here I offer you my long commentary for SN ch. 6:
First and foremost, I want to address the most important thing, a statement we all will agree of: SATORU WHAT THE FFFF...ISHY FISH!
The paragraphs of y/n inner thoughts were beautiful. You pushed and pulled us it felt like we are going to take a step, but hesitated, and ended up not doing, but kinda will do it, but kinda not? Love it 💞
Now that Gen expressed her initial concern about y/n and Hoejo's marriage, I felt that 💥pang💥 in my chest because, wonder if Gen finds out... And no, am not gonna talk about Creston Sr. finding out either. He'll blame himself so much I pictured he'd be on his knees begging for forgiveness to his wife for marrying their daughter to ugly burnt pan. P a i n.
Anyway... 😍Toji being the pretty, polished, non sticky pan😍 imagine a scene where y/n will talk to Megumi in such motherly tone in front of Toji. P a i n (2).
The Satoru x Sera (aka Stupid²) car convo was okay to me even when they ask each other why the hide things from each other (cz I'm just so done with them) (tho I was also highkey glad bcs awww plant those suspicions in your unconciousness babe ♡ plant those ugly thoughts until you suspect each other ♡)
But the moment that Hoejo said "she does not have me" wow. W O W.
Very cocky of a man who need his wife to get a CEO position don't ya think??? And what would you be if you don't have her dear Hoejoe Jr.???
Not gonna comment on Satoru being rude to his mum. She, after all, regardless of the reasons, abandoned him and suddenly showed up. That kind of anger is justified for me personally. But no matter what he still needs to be respectful and polite. Could've just asked her to leave mannerly, u kno...
Also the "there are three of us in this marriage" lmaooooo YAAAAZ KWEEN 👑
I personally confirm that Satoru has BOTH daddy and mommy issues. I feel sorry for his nightmare and all, and bro I genuinely hope you'll make peace with your past, but boye you don't bring promises of 6 years olds kiddoz when I don't even remember what was my lunch the day before!!! Y/n was 6 and now you have mistress. DUH.
I won't be surprised if Hoejoe Satoru redemption arc happen and y/n decide to still divorce him so he could heal himself first 🤔
Last but not least, "Hey Siri, unfold the drama for Hoejo Sr. 65th birthday in chapter 7."
*glimmering eyes*
I forgot to ask but will we have any chapter that explain Satoru and his mum's back story? Or any narration of Yuuta's thoughts about his mum and Satoru's dad marriage? Thank you! ♡
1) yess y/n got swayed by gojo’s affection 😣 2) her dad will be very devastated when he finds out that his daughter’s marriage was a total failure 3) creston is just a company name, not their surname gahah 4) megumi x y/n meetup needs to happen ai pls 😭 5) NOT STUPID2 HLEPDJD 6) gojo to sera: she doesn’t have me. gojo to y/n: don’t divorce me how are dare you!!1! 7) y/n got mad at how gojo treats his mom bc she lost her own and she feels kinda sensitive abt it 🥺 8) gojo def needs to heal before he can truly love someone 9) gojo’s mom’s backstory will be briefly discussed by him next chapter depending on my wc, but it’ll appear 10) thank u for reading and taking the time to send me ur reaction <33
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Yeloli Watch Party!
Season 1, Episode 5: Solitary Shelly
English translation
We start with Shelly heading down the alley, following the magic flower petals to the Yeloli Doll Shop.
The end of the alley is incredibly narrow and the shop is in a cul-de-sac. I love this little detail. A cut off, quiet space in an urban environment--now that is how you set up magic.
Shelly is drawn to the doll shop, which still has Loli in the window, whoops. (Maybe she’s just visiting.)
Heading into the shop, Shelly meets Evelyn and tells her the dolls are beautiful.
Shelly also talks about how lonely she is; her studies and extra lessons mean she has no time to make friends and her parents are rarely home. She has quite a lot of dolls at home, but they aren’t the same as a friend.
Evelyn says these dolls can be a friend. But a doll and owner much mutually choose each other before leaving the shop.
Then Evelyn uses her magic to open the doll cabinets. This lady is not circumspect, but I guess she doesn’t have to be.
So when I first saw this scene I thought it was weird how unsettling it was, instead of being a magic moment of awe for Shelly. Then I translated the subtitles and you won’t believe what happened next (not clickbait).
What you are seeing here is a bunch of dolls rejecting Shelly.
“She’s rich, I’ll bet she’s a spoiled girl.”
“She’s proud and indifferent, not my choice.”
“Didn’t she say she had some dolls already? She would ignore me.”
And Shelly can hear all this, mind you. Like, wow dolls. You could just say “no thanks”, you don’t have to roast the poor girl.
So after all that Evelyn says, “I’m sorry, no one chose you.” and Shelly says, “Even dolls don’t want to be my friend. :( “
But then, just as Shelly is resigning herself to a life of loneliness, a mysterious voices says, “I will be your friend! Only a perfect girl like you is allowed to be my owner. I will make you happy!”
The voice is coming from a magic peacock feather, which leads Shelly down the hall. (The animation on the peacock feather is phenomenal.)
Following the feather, Shelly enters a room full of more dolls, including a peacock themed one, who Evelyn introduces as . . . Peacock!
This doll is significant in that it’s the only that really got me interested in Yeloli dolls. What a beautiful design.
Anyway, Shelly and Peacock have a conversation--like, astrally, in a floaty magical liminal space--and Peacock kicks it off by saying, “Hi. I choose you.” If only Ash had had it this easy with Pikachu.
Evelyn brings Shelly back to reality and tells her, “Peacock is stubborn and arrogant at times. The other dolls think she is proud and indifferent, but actually she is very lonely.”
Of course Shelly immediately identifies with this.
Unlike Mary, Shelly has plenty of money so she asks to buy Peacock. But Evelyn doesn’t sell dolls. Evelyn makes magic contracts from magic books.
Books that already have your personal info in them! (Shelly asks how Evelyn knew her name and Evelyn says, “A doll told me.” Nice.)
I think the Yeloli contract thing is supposed to tie-in to the brochure that comes with the dolls, which has a space for kids to write their names, like the adoption certificate that used to come with Pound Puppies.
Anyway, Shelly agrees to the terms (being sole owner of the doll and never giving it away) and she happily leaves the store with Peacock.
At least she’s happy until she gets back to the car, where the driver frets that she missed her piano lesson. Give the kid a break, she was getting a magic doll.
Shelly returns home, where she is sad to find she is returning to an empty house . . . again. Her workaholic parents are never home, and she dreams of returning to the simpler days where they . . . ate whole turkeys together.
It’s especially devastating that they’re missing today . . . on her BIRTHDAY! Dun dun dun!
So Shelly is crying on her bed, sobbing “I wish my parents would come home”, and oh hey there’s a wish-granting fairy in earshot.
Almost instantly there’s the sound of the front door--it’s Shelly’s Dad! Followed a minute later by Shelly’s Mom!
A couple things about this scene:
At first I was nervous that Peacock had magicked up fake replacement parents but no, they’re Shelly’s real mom and dad.
Peacock cancelled Dad’s meeting and Mom’s rehearsal to get them to come home. Which is, uh, very utilitarian but kind of depressing that the parents weren’t motivated by suddenly remembering their daughter’s birthday or something.
Finally, I’m picking up some tension in the marriage.
Like, when Mom comes through the door this is Shelly’s expression.
And this is dad’s expression.
Then Shelly happily grabs them by the hands, but I can’t help but notice the parents are physically distant from each other and there’s a painting in the background that symbolically makes it look like there’s a big rift between them.
Time will tell if I’m reading too much into this!
For now, they are going to enjoy the cake that Shelly’s mom picked up. You can tell China has different copyright laws because they sing the entirety of “Happy Birthday” (in Chinese, but same tune).
Shelly’s mom tells her to make a wish, and Shelly does. For being a rich kid, her wish is quite modest and attainable: “I would like to make friends at school with my classmates, and also to be able to have ice cream after class.”
Oh wait, it’s not attainable at all because Shelly’s mom is fucking furious. How DAAAARE Shelly want to socialize and have a life?? Her destiny is to practice the piano at all waking hours so she can become a famous concert pianist like her mother.
Shelly immediately capitulates because she’s clearly used to having her dreams crushed.
Is the dad going to challenge this viewpoint? No, he also wants Shelly to become a famous concert pianist and he gives her a piano music box for her birthday. Go to hell, Shelly’s dad.
Shelly at least likes the music box and takes it to her bedroom where she reflects that she’s very happy that her parents came home early.
“But how did they get home so quickly? It's as if a fairy had granted my wish.”
From her box Peacock says, “Yes, it was me”, to which Shelly’s like “HWHAAAT? I hear a VOICE??”
I really don’t get this; Peacock has talked to Shelly multiple times already.
We finish off with the narrator asking us, the audience, who’s talking to Shelly. We know who’s talking to Shelly, narrator!! Get it together!
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Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 7 (part 1)
Just to clarify, the only thing I didn’t like abt this ep is tohru, the rest is so good. kyo’s mental state is at its lowest & you can feel for him! ugh!, surprisingly akito’s own lid was so well-done!, Ren & shigure were epicly disgusting & fascinating!, kureno was so well-written, the final scene of tohru & kyo rightfully setting for the climax! Before moving on to the good part, I’ll quickly go over why torhu’s character was once again the most inconsistent character in the show:
Ep,6 ending showed us a completely broken kyo in full display in front of tohru, best furuba cliff hanger to date hands down, followup: tohru laughing, cooking & wondering if kyo is asleep!!!. Complete detachment & extreme insensitivity to what she witnessed earlier. Not an ounce of wonder if kyo is okay or if sth is wrong with him. Not a single inner thought of “ I hope he’s okay” or “ oh momiji don’t call him, He’s a bit tired” while flashbaking to his traumatized face. Honestly, all they needed to do was a small quick inner thought to connect the scenes. No need to write new scenes. Alas, Tohru’s complete lack of compassion struck me deep. I was told ep6 ending was an anime original scene, I don’t mind any diversion from the original since I don’t know the it, but those writers who wrote a complete new scene didn’t feel the need to transition from it to the rest of the manga? really? It’s hard to believe.
Choosing the kitchen’s happy scene after of kyo’s nightmare is not bad as it shows that nobody either care or know abt his issues, fair enough. However, choosing the kitchen’s happy scene after the PTSD in tohru’s own bedroom & not modifying tohru’s happy go lucky, let’s cook yay face to a realistic concerned expression is absurd! It really takes plenty from tohru as a character. This comes after tohru’s long awaited background ep which returns tohru back to square one.
Just last ep, tohru opened her lid in front of kyo & he comforted her, While she still yet to overcome her fears, she failed miserably in doing the only thing that she’s been doing since se01, ep1, being compassionate & thoughtful. Oh well, adding a light scene in the midst of kyo & akito’s dark sequence is more important than tohru’s character consistency & growth.
moving on from tohru~~~
-Kyo’s suffocation: (guilty or not, it doesn’t matter)
we get kyo’s nightmare really gave me chills & was visually well-done. it brilliantly conveyed the feeling of suffocation, blinding fear, & intensified trauma. The nightmare’s horror vividly showcases kyo’s deepest insecurities & trauma:
It started with his mother’s “ it’s not your fault” sth kyo craved to hear from her very badly. Yet, it contradicted her action: Choosing death over staying with him.
His mother brings salvation: the cat’s cage. The cat’s room parallel’s kyo’s real life at his parents house. In se01, eo24, kyo said, he wasn’t allowed to play outside or watch TV, while his bracelet ”handcuffs” were routinely checked by his mom. Just like a prison. His mom sentenced him in the new prison fitting for more horrible sins. The cat’s cage for the rest of his life.
While kyo looks panicked & horrified but on the verge to refuse, kyoko appears. “I won’t forgive you” solidifying his mom’s judgement.
They both warn him of the consequences of living & be forgiven: tohru’s death. Go on, kyo. Add one more victim to suffer in your behalf while you roam free. You might think that you can escape the cat’s cage but your hands remain dirty with blood. Others might not see the blood on yoyr hands, but YOU do.
Kyo is torn between being an actual sinner or a victim, between causing intentional harm or unintentional hurt, between being guilty or not. It all doesn’t matter & kyo knows it. What matter is the punishment has been going for years now & he’s tired, broken, lost & just wants it all to end. Death. Slow death in a tiny cage is so fitting for all the pain he caused others, for all the pain he suffered.
Kyo knows (a) suffering in front of tohru is hurting her. (b) Accepting her love will lead to hurting her: confessing of kyoko’s death. (c) Abandoning her is hurting her. (d) kyo knows that he doesn’t deserve her, not after he caused all this pain. (e) Above all, kyo can’t live with himself anymore. being close to her hurt so much.
-Akito’s lid: ( broken home & broken self image):
I must say they did an excellent job of presenting akito’s past! (a) It was a mixture of narration through (shigure & Ren), (b) actual animation of her parents causing her pain & traumatizing her (the scenes of Akira’s last words, her mom’s accusations), (c) Actual animation of the origin of her parents (Ren & Akira’s relationship), (d) akito herself confessing abt her pain in front of kureno. Tohru’s own lid on the other hands was presented through (a) excessive narrative with minimum animation (the grandpa’s endless exposition of tohru’s background quickly wrapped up), (b) no real animation of kyoko actually hurting tohru or how she did it, just again the grandpa narrating that kyoko “went away”. (c) tohru’s own self recall of her past being cut into pieces & divided throughout the ep, once after running from shigure & another in the sheet scene. Tohru’s ep wasn’t bad at all, it was good, but it was evidently shortened & summarized lazily. Oh well. What both eps serve is painting tohru & akito as foils of each other:
Both are attached toxicly to their parent. Tohru: kyoko & Akito: akira.
Both were welling to create a fake persona or an image that keeps this toxic love alive & cling to it no matter what.
Both hurt themselves the most & are struggling to let go of this bond.
Both have parents that hurt them. Akito: ren & tohru: kyoko, altho it is not clear how kyoko hurt tohru but kyoko is more a ghost than a real character.
Both cling to a dead object that represent their deceased parent. Tohru & the photo frame & akito & the box.
Kyoko existed to be this perfect mother with no sins, the character that tohru embodied to “fix” & “ heal all broken kids”. She lives only in memories. Even other characters think of her as this holy being. It is alluded Kyo seemed to know her as a real person who can commit mistakes, therefore, to kyo, kyoko isn’t an angel or a holy being. However, thanks to their encounter at her death & her “ I won’t forgive you” words, kyoko now is a haunting ghost to kyo. Akira on the other hand, existed as this sickly, pale & fragile head of the house, treated with so much aura & holiness. He died but his sins remain in how he raised akito.
Both must let go of their toxic bonds. Tohru of her deep attachment to her mom & akito to the zodiacs.
Both must learn to form healthier relationships.
However, there are striking differences between them! tohru never abused anyone nor attempted murdering someone by throwing’ em from a terrace, or locking them & torment them or stabbing them with a knife!! Tohru’s sin is torturing herself which by consequence tortured kyo, too. Cuz there’s is a theme of a loved-one’s pain is mine as well. Kyo’s mom hurt her own self & ended her own life. This resulted in her son’s years of immense pain, trauma & self-loath & similar suicidal tendencies, se0, ep16 “ I’ will yuki & then kill myself”, & se02, e9 “ mother, if only you killed me instead”. tragic.
Side Notes:
I will say this with a broken heart....... Tohru must learn to let go of.... kyo. She is suffocating him. Not on purpose. I want them to be together! so bad! they’re so perfect for each other, but also, right now is NOT the time for this. Kyo & tohru’s character issues is NOT abt romance. They have real traumatic issues that are hindering their growth as independent characters. Tohru’s growth might not be well-written or well-presented, but kyo’s growth is still not explored. Next ep is where his lid opened! it must be painful. A person suffering from extreme self-loath & suicidal tendencies shouldn’t be presented so lightly in favor for the love cures all fairy tale! PLZ! NO!
Tohru must learn to not repeat her mistake again & live only for one person. She must let go of kyo in order to gain kyo back. Right now, She can’t have him! kyo is suffocated by his own trauma & adding tohru’s guilt on top of it is devastating. I mean, This could go differently & kyo might accept her love on the spot, & tohru might save him again or sth. I can see this being going deeper or shallower depending on the desired theme. Which of furuba’s heavy themes will be given to climax?
why is momiji doing a rabbit burger? he’s not cursed anymore. I know he’s keeping it a secret, but I thought momiji’s whole growth was abt letting go of the past. he still identifies with the zodiac rabbit?
Ren is hella sexy! & her Japanese VA deserves an Oscar! The way she expresses sexiness, seductive, anger, hate, contempt, sarcasm, delusional screaming, pain! EPIC!
“I thought I was created to receive others contempt” ugh! this hurt, kyo.
Shigure’s line abt looking at Ren to fantasize how akito will look if she were allowed to be a woman, ewww!!!! hella disgusting! imagine sleeping wth someone & fantasizing abt her daughter or vise versa!
Honestly, this ep while not excusing akito’s crimes & abuse of others, it did paint her in a human light. I really don’t want her to end up with shigure. Akito’s whole life is abt misunderstood love. Give her time to discover herself. A guy who slept with her mom is never a reasonable partner even if he loves her for eternity. but oh well~
Shigure indirectly caused Isuzu’s near death abuse by Akito. all in his attempts to free akito from the curse. I love how disgustingly selfish he is. I remember his “ you mom told you to not interfere, kagura” in se03, ep3. shudder!!! if hiro never met haru that day & confessed to him, if kureno never noticed the maid! Still, he went & visited isuzu after her 4 moths imprisonment in the cat’s cage her hospitals discharge & recovery!
ngl... Shigure & Ren’s sexual tension is the biggest in furuba. Eww!
I’ll talk abt kureno & akito more in part 2. but I felt nothing watching kureno get stabbed lol. this is due to the trailer spoiling it & the ED having him happily in love -_-’. bummer!.
I love tohru & kyo’s outfit in the ep cliff hanger. lol. Tohru really dressed up to confess.
Tohru read the room! Even if you magically forgotten how sickly & out of it he was in your room earlier, remember this: Kyo always have bad mood in the rain! Then again... he did hug her for the first time & called her by her name in the midst of a rainy storm. se01, e024. >_<!
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Supernatural Season 15 & Sufjan Stevens' “The Ascension”
Teaser: there’s a song on this album called "Die Happy” where the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” for 5 minutes and 45 seconds. yeah. yeah.
Disclaimer: yes it’s all a stretch and I’m overthinking it but also… am I? (yes)
long post time! know that reading ahead may hurt you and yes it does get worse the further down the track list you get 💕 have fun kids
So just to start off, I think it’s funny that something Sufjan’s discography & Supernatural have in common is the 15+ years of the internet arguing if it’s gay or not, and the answer ending up being yes. PLUS there’s the obvious connection of American mythos + mythology + calvinist themes (I am hissing) + religious trauma prevalent in both.
If you’re a fan of both like I am, it’s easy to connect them— notable connections being songs like “John My Beloved” and “The Owl and the Tanager” or even “John Wayne Gacy Jr.”, but I’m going to focus on Sufjan's 2020 album, “The Ascension” since even the arc itself seems so connected to season 15 of Supernatural, specifically.
At least in my head it does <3 enjoy
MAKE ME AN OFFER I CANNOT REFUSE
When interviewed about the meaning of this track, Sufjan explains that this song is about asking God, “what do you have to say for humanity?” That it’s about desperation, creation, and devastation. It’s about frustration with divinity. Also the vibes are 10/10. Need I say more
RUN AWAY WITH ME
This song is beautiful, it makes me want to sit in some grass and stare at the sky.
Some lines that make me Dean/Cas crazy are the two lines in verse 1 and verse 2 that mirror each other by being in the same place melodically:
Verse 1: they will terrorize us / with new confusion / with the fear of life that seeks to bring despair within
Verse 2: I will bring you life / a new communion / with a paradise that brings the truth to light within
Yeahhh so the words “Despair” and “The Truth” were mirrored in this song yes it was coincidental yes I’m clinging to it. It fascinates me
But this song is about begging someone to stay with you.
sweet falling remedy / come run away with me / you’re all I ever need
VIDEO GAME
My first thought when I heard this song was about how it was such a song for enneagram 4s. If you don’t know what that means, I think Dean is a 4 and wrote a post about it here.
AND @trapperjohnmcintyre also made the connection between these lyrics and Dean in this post, and honestly I don’t need to say much more than that??
The song is about feeling paranoid and angry that God is controlling your every move and you can’t escape it (aka hating the doctrine of predestination). Of course it’s also about not wanting to follow societal scripts.
You just want to have an easier life instead of the weight of good and evil resting on your back!!!
I don’t want to put the devil on a pedestal / I don’t want put the saints in chains / I just want to make my life a little easier / I don’t want to play your video game
Also these painful lines, as a treat:
I don’t want to love you if you don’t receive it / I don’t want to save the world that way
Oh, I almost forgot, also. At the end, the narrator gives up. He’s like well I guess I can’t escape. Gotta follow the procedure. Gotta be a puppet.
I don’t want it to go down that way / but in a way you gotta follow the procedure / so go ahead and play your video game
LAMENTATIONS
I don’t have much to say about this one but this line always makes my heart ache idk:
I was only thinking of human kindness
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
Here we gooooooo. Y’all aren’t ready.
Thesis: Tell me you love me despite the primordial darkness about to overtake me. And even if you don’t, I’m going to love you.
15x18 Despair anyone??
I want to just paste the whole song but, here—
DIE HAPPY
Yep, "Die Happy" immediately follows "Tell Me You Love Me." Yes, the lyrics are just “I want to die happy” over and over for almost 6 minutes.
First of all, the repetition mirrors the end of the song Fourth of July, from Sufjan’s previous album Carrie & Lowell, where Sufjan sings “we’re all gonna die” over and over.
Parallels, baby.
But I noticed something else about this recently though— in Die Happy, if you are listening to it in your headphones, there’s this weird sound that sounds like a wasp flying around your head (it made me uncomfortable which is why I noticed it, haha). After I felt unnerved for a moment, I had a realization— that this could be referencing one of Sufjan’s most beloved songs, “The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!!” (yes that’s a real song title lol)
The Predatory Wasp is about how Sufjan fell in love with his best friend at the Bible Camp he went to as a teenager. The wasp is a metaphor for internalized homophobia and also his love and how he fears his love will hurt the boy he’s in love with.
So, Die Happy references an iconic song from Illinois (2005) with these notable lines:
Tl;dr:
I want to die happy vs. I can’t explain the state that I’m in / the state of my heart / he was my best friend
Here’s an Despair photoset with Predatory Wasp lyrics via @toneelspeelster.
ATIVAN
So your best friend has just died happy by being in love with you. You feel like the primordial darkness is on YOU now:
I woke up in stereo—I spent the day in vertigo / I could not get the spirit off my back
You’re once again tossed in the waves of thinking that God is fucking with you. But either way you just want to be tranquilized at this point.
Is it all for something? Is it all part of a plan / tranquilize me, sanitize me, Ativan
Is it all for nothing? Is it all part of a plan? / make my death wish, mind my business / do the best I can with what I am
Ativan asks, was the true leading woman all this time… substance abuse??
Ativan / my leading woman
Long story short, you’re drunk on communion wine, asking the shadows to come back.
fill me with the blood of Jesus / clean my plate 'til he receives us / separate the colors from the black / ... / tell the shadows near us to come back
URSA MAJOR & LANDSLIDE
Not a lot to say about this (even though I love these songs) so I’m gonna skip mostly, but the narrator has decided he wants to love you, he can’t help it <3
GILGAMESH
Oh boy.
I mean you kinda know what’s coming because of the title. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the world’s oldest piece of epic world literature, and Gilgamesh was “the first hero of human history.”
In the world’s oldest story, The Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh and Enkidu are “very close friends” (their relationship is very homoerotic and this is barely disputed). Gilgamesh calls Enkidu his brother, and they are mutually selfless towards each other but when Enkidu dies, indirectly because of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh has a breakdown and mourns him like that of a spouse and then has to come to terms with his own mortality.
The meta level of this is so obvious I’m not even going to go into it. Anyways… here are lyrics that make me want to scream!
the repetition of “my heart”... the concept of singing a eulogy.... saying your heart is chained to Your Angel............ it hurts
DEATH STAR
Star Wars reference my beloved. Like many of these songs this has Fuck You God energy.
what you call the human race / expedite the judgement day / it’s your own damn head on that plate
vandalize what you create / ... / witness me resist your fate / it’s your own damn head on that plate
GOODBYE TO ALL THAT
This song is a bop honestly
When the lyrics were released a bunch of Sufjan fans contrasted Goodbye To All That’s here I am alone in my car / hopelessly infatuted / and I’m driving to wherever you are to Sufjan & Moses Sumney’s song, “Make Out in My Car”.
Yeah, I know, we’re all thinking of this:
Make Out in My Car is basically where Moses gave Sufjan a horny car guy chorus and told him to write the verses, and Sufjan proceeded to write the most liturgical shit ever (and we love him for it).
ANYWAYS… Goodbye To All That also reminds me of Dean’s depression and the weirdness that started in 15x19 and goes into 15x20. For some reason he makes it seem more upbeat and happy than it is...
Despite this song being a bop, the lyrics are depressing. He’s alone in his car. He’s hopeless. He realizes it’s too late to have died a young man.
He’s going to try to move on, even though nothing is left of him, he’s begging someone to turn around and show me his shadow.
He also references substance abuse again—
love me / and leave me / intoxicated
SUGAR
The music video? Iconic. The mom of a family is making a pie, or she’s trying to. She ends up rubbing the filling all over her face, crushing the fruits, the oven catches on fire.
But she does it! She makes the pie.
Meanwhile the other family members are in their rooms, overindulging in sugar in all its forms. And then as she and her family eat around a dining table, occassionally being seemingly marrioetted by some unseen force, she looks angrily over her family, they all seem to kind of lose it, then the house starts to come apart until the chandelier falls on the dinner table.
It’s the making pie + overindulgence in sugar + marionetted family metaphors for me ❤️
Ultimately, the song is about begging for affection, being desperate for domesticity, but you feel doomed, you feel like your defeat is predestined, that you can’t escape it.
You just don’t want to be heartbroken & you don’t want to be angry anymore!!!!
THE ASCENSION
So you may be asking… does this guy get the domesticity he’s longing for?? Does he get his love back??
No. He dies. :/
The Ascension begins with just that. He’s dying.
THEN Sufjan decides to rhyme “confess” with “confess”, in two lines that mean almost opposite things:
When I am dead / and the light leaves my breast / nothing to be told / nothing to confess / let the record show / what I couldn’t quite confess
So does this guy have something to confess or not??? 👀
Moving on…
He goes back to thinking about how his life was predestined all along, and now after all that, he’s dying. So he thinks about all the times he was kind of like this Mythological Icon. That he always had to be the one to show what was right, to lead by example. That that had been his entire identity.
And he realizes he needs to answer for himself.
Then he is frightened— realizing he was always asking what everything meant, what it all was for, but that all along he was just angry and depressed.
But even though he feels a like he should have just resigned himself to meaninglessness, that he only thought he could change the world for the better… it strengthened him to know the truth.
And even through the absolute shit of it all, and even though God & others did things from a place of so-called holiness and hopelessness...
He did everything out of love ❤️
So then he dies 🙃
AMERICA
So, as the end of The Ascension asked, what now?
The album ends on this long track, which Sufjan describes as a protest against all that America has been and has become.
It’s a protest against capitalism, of destroying humanity for the sake of some cold machinery.
I have worshipped / I believed / I have broke your bread / for a splendor of machinery
And in true Sufjan fashion, he makes this song about protesting somehow both horny and religious, god bless
I have loved you / like a dream / I have kissed your lips / like a Judas in heat
I have worshipped / I have cried / I have put my hands in the wounds on your side / I have tasted of your blood / I have choked on the waters / I abated the flood / I am broken / I am beat / but I will find my way / like a Judas in heat
I am fortune / I am free / I’m like a fever of light / in the land of opportunity / don’t do to me / what you did to America / don’t do to me / what you do to yourself
to finish out, here’s a DeanCas post by @eggcessive with lyrics from America ❤️
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY WEBWEAVING :)
#sufjannatural#sufjanatural#destiel meta#spn#deancas#sufjan#here it is.... my masterpiece#this didn't take as long as you'd think considering all of this has been on the tip of my tongue for months#<3 I hope others freak out along with me <3 I'm obsessed with the album and his voice#I feel kinda weird posting this bc this album also had like a ton of personal spiritual significance to me.... but it's fine#those things can be connected
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