#am I trying to make it easier and less anxious on myself to write here? yes. why? too much trauma w/ discord rp servers to warrant trying

[untoterxhund]

either gonna remake again in the future and hand out the url privately or gonna clean out the followers list again me'thinks. so if you wanna stay mutuals and plan on writing w/ me in the future when I can actually dedicate time to doing so w/out any stressors or anxiety spikes then please, slap that heart real quick for me.

if not, it was a pleasure to write and talk for a bit and wish y'all good luck on your future endeavors 'n stuff.

#010 //: out of character. #am I trying to make it easier and less anxious on myself to write here? yes. why? too much trauma w/ discord rp servers to warrant trying #and tbh I shouldn't feel pressured or afraid to even post stuff here thinking that I'm gonna get harsh words or nasty side-eyes despite #the content not even being that bad or triggering at all compared to other things I've seen on my dash. #long story short i wanna be here but something is making me feel unwell/not be here but can't pin-point the cause so the solution is to wip #didn't I do something like this last month? yes. everyone has their coping mechanisms. mine is mhw and seeking the once a month validation #'cos it either feels like i'm just a number to most people or just the one partner they decide to write w/ 'cos their bored or something #I wanna be someone's fav. who they scream to @ 3am about muses and hcs not just another number to their follow count :( #all in all? I will reblog this the next few days just to ensure that everyone just a fair chance as this makes it's rounds before commencin #the purge/remake just as a /FAIR WARNING/.

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎

good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎

accomplishments:

i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!

i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...

self-compassion:

not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')

my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗

improvements to make:

as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)

today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎

#bunny's daily diary ✨💕🌷 #becoming that girl #dream girl #dream life #girlblogging #glow up #it girl #productivity #that girl #pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #clean girl #self improvement #self care

[perplexingluciddreams]

Using the internet and technology with high needs autism

I have been trying to put this into words for a while, but due to the exact thing I am making the post about, it has been very difficult.

First of all, a short (ish - I am not the best at concise) background of me and technology: Used to play games on dad's phone, and later watch YouTube videos on family tablet (with parent restrictions). However, ability to navigate devices was very limited, and if something went wrong I just panic and give to an adult.

We used computers a bit in school for work and educational games. Every time we went to the "computer area" I would cry because I knew I wouldn't be able to find the webpage on my own, or sign in to something, or type in a word document. At these times in school, usually another pupil would just sigh loudly and then come and do the computer thing for me over my shoulder.

I had an MP3 player that I got for I think my 8 or 9th birthday. The only thing I knew how to do, was play music and google search. But I still didn't really understand what a "link" was, or how to find important information. We were supposed to learn online research skills in school, but nobody ever explained the most simple stuff to me, so I lack the basic knowledge.

I got my first phone at age 10. This was when I also first get Instagram, my first social media (parents set up for me). I was in a group chat for my school year, but the only time I put a message there is when mum asked me to ask a question, about a non-uniform day for example. Nobody interacted with me in there, and apart from the messages I don't know how to navigate the app. I posted a few pictures a few times, but only when someone else recommended, and I didn't interact online.

I have poor language comprehension, slow processing and take longer to learn new skills. My computer skills and especially typing skills are majorly behind my peers. I have slowly learned some skills allowing me to be even on Tumblr in the first place, but I still need a lot of support and it makes me very anxious. Part of my difficultly on social media, is the social interacting part. Mostly due to low interest.

But my biggest challenge is poor comprehension. I get very anxious and upset when I come onto Tumblr and all the posts I try to read don't make sense to me. Especially when the post is about a topic I care about - if I read it and I can't know what people mean, then I will just be very upset for the rest of the day.

Second biggest challenge, not being able to express opinions on important topics. Often, I can't even understand something. Then, I can't form an opinion because it's too complex. Or, I have an opinion, but I don't understand if someone agree or disagree with me from what they write.

I work so hard to gain skills and learn enough to even be here, and then all I can find about people like me is other people arguing about our existence. Want to express my frustration at this. To even write this post I had support from mum, and it takes all my mental energy.

It is true that I have low interest in socialising - direct impact of autism. So social media maybe not best place in the world for me, by default. But I still want to understand and be included. Not be treated like place to just ask "am I counting as high support needs". I don't understand even my own needs enough to answer this for myself - I definitely can't answer for anyone else.

A lot of my challenges, come direct from autism. That's just a fact. Wish it was easier, very often. But also wish it was easier online - I can't be part of outside community, only online.

I post here to express thoughts and feelings, that is also just what this post is doing. I did less big big edit on my words this time, wanted words to be closest to how I think it (don't think in words so not possible to show abstract thoughts direct, but closest to first translation).

#autism #autistic #nonverbal #nonspeaking #high support needs #nonverbal autistic #nonverbal autism #language comprehension #language disability #language disorder #technology #accessibility #from the chaos of my mind

[winterrlunarhalo]

At a party with everyone I’ve ever known and I immediately know that this is a dream.

That’s easily remedied. I shake myself awake and try to throw myself off the drinks table. It hasn’t worked. Except I see a group of my friends (could I even call these people my friends anymore?) talking about how every three seconds a baby is born. My brain has gone into a whir of 1 2 3 born 1 2 3 born 1 2 3 born.

I walk around the room and try to rearrange groups. Now what would be the criteria? Do I group people on the basis of what age they knew me at? Do I group them on the basis of whether they know how I got the gash on my forehead? Or do I group them based on how I act around them? This is mortifying.

Once a month light refuses to pass through my body and I ignore all the messages I get. Right now we make eye contact across the room and you know so much about me and yet not enough. I thought being in your vicinity will make things so much easier but you are not who you usually are in my head. I remember telling her once about how I wrote something about being my own tragedy when I was 16 and we make eye contact and laugh because as corny as it was, it still holds true to this day to some extent.

We are standing at the corner of the room and you both are questioning everyone I know. A part of me is defensive but deep down I agree fully. See, most of my life I went through with the dire need of being liked, never questioning once whether I even liked. Instead I landed up with you both, who saw me at my worst and decided to stay and love the fuck out of me. I’m seeing the world in double now and the entire room is spinning and it feels like someone has set my brain on a spinning top and in one of the visions we are back in that kitchen and I’m heating up food made for one, for three.

Anyway back to the party, I am handing out vol-au-vents I learned how to make on a whim for a beach birthday, and some of these people desperately need to leave. The sun is almost up and I can feel my senses come alive. I don’t yet know what you look like but I am sure I will once I see you. I check your horoscope before mine because I’m just that pathetic and I know it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things but hey, can’t hurt to be wary. You help me rush out the people I don’t want in here anymore, and it’s nice (and so scary) that you know me this well.

Now I’m at a party with the people I love and now I’m anxious for entirely different reasons. I don’t think there will ever be a way for me to let them know that I love them. My mouth aligns and curves to say I love them but it ends up coming out as a joke or a slight nudge against them. I also realized that I’m bad at writing for the people that mean the most to me, which is so …? Writing is the one thing I can do?

The sheer act of placing a piece of my heart that is you for you to peer over and finish with your cheeks turning into apples is so daunting to me. I still try. I still talk through most of it lest what I feel should bubble over and cover us both in it. Best believe my skin is going to be covered with laugh lines and crow’s feet in less than 20 years, a mark of fondness so unbearable that it left behind its stains. That doesn’t matter. None of this does.

Coming to terms with the fact that I have lived a life suffocating my lungs, barring it from truly breathing has occurred to me recently. At the first breath of oxygen my heart beat so loudly and fast that I was sure it was enough to power up my room. Consequently it learned that this is the way it’s going to be now, and that it doesn’t store up for the future. The sun is over the horizon and the sky is pink and there’s a nice hum settling into my bones as my spinning brain returns to equilibrium.

There’s music playing and I get pulled into all of us while dancing. Love was something that was supposed to happen to other people, according to a much younger me. I would meet her at a crossroad and tell her that love has happened to you and that its a joy to be “another person” and that it doesn’t have to be done alone.

It’s almost over. We will have to leave soon. And so we hold each other tightly and materialize us in pictures and frames and canvases as to say that I was here and you were here and please don’t forget that love was here. Love still is.

#brought to you by my vertigo #original writing #original post #love #friendship #i love my friends so much #and i miss them #everything hurts #everything is spinning #hand wrote this since I can’t stare into a screen #also brought to you by my pms #i need to sleep #platonic #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writeblr #writers and poets #writerscorner #web weaving

[lpsotd]

Another anon who read the tags on your last post here! I've felt the need to write something myself since your situation feels so similar to mine when I was younger and maybe my experiences will help you in some way. Feel free to not respond to this if it's uncomfortable, it's totally okay! :)

I also didn't have a supportive family when it came to my interests, still kind of don't. I'm 22 (soon to be 23) and my family members are still looking at me funny regarding my hobbies, just like they did when I was 14-15. It was weird for them to see a child… liking toys and shows made for kids I guess?? They've also said that I was mature for my age, but let me tell you this is INCREDIBLY coercive. ''Since we've called you mature, you wouldn't want to betray us and do something childish now, would you?'' - guys. Just because YOU'VE called me mature doesn't mean that it's true. Maybe I am mature but EMOTIONALLY or got good grades at school. But it doesn't necessarily mean that I will abandon anything that brings me comfort and joy for the sake of a byname that won't mean anything to me. Ever. I think that being mature also means accepting what is dear to you and not being ashamed of that. Being mature is being responsible for your own well being - which you do by enjoying your hobbies! By surrounding yourself with things that will make you get through life a bit easier. Throwing everything out, or denying ever liking said thing is the childish thing to me here.

It's good to read that you want to embrace who you are! After all - we only have one life to live. Why waste it on pleasing everyone around instead of ourselves? ESPECIALLY if it's a hobby that does NO HARM to anyone (well maybe except your wallet). Don't ever let go of what you love, unless YOU decide it's time to move on. I still keep my LPS collection after all those years, after being told countless of times to ''sell them, because you will save some good money'' or just to give them away. What if (stay with me here) I WILL decide what to do with MY property?

And regarding those people who've belittled you for your interests - I am still recovering from the same thing that happened almost a decade ago at school. But I've learned that not everyone behaves like those mean bullies - maybe some people are genuinely interested in what I have to say? Maybe we can bond over this? Maybe I can get a new friend who will accept my ''weird'' hobbies? And thanks to that mindset I've tried opening to more and more people, only to find out that those bullies were the MINORITY and usually people are glad to hear they're not alone in their hobbies or pleasant memories. It made me feel so much less anxious about myself, I can't recommend trying to open up enough!! Sorry if this ask got long, I had plenty of thoughts in my brain it seems, haha. Anyway, OP you're not alone in your struggles and if you have any worries feel free to say so! Stay awesome <3

~lots of love from anon

i think it's kinda insane that adults expect children to immediately grow out of the things they like in favor of more "mature" interests and media. like, why can't that 13 year old watch my little pony? would you prefer it if they were watching that or something like euphoria? 😭 why is it so bad and weird when children are acting like children and want to engage with media that was literally created for them. that's something i don't think i'll ever understand

i'm happy to now be surrounded by people who care about me and indulge in my interests, and i hope you are able to have that too anon !!

#🍭.asks

[luck-and-larceny]

Meeeeee

This was a nice thing to be tagged in! I have not been feeling great the past few days and my brain is juuust starting to work again. Answer questions about myself? Way easier than answering character questions right now! Thank you for the tag @thefreelanceangel! 1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes and no and kinda? Good answer? Ok. I'll move on then. Just kidding. Time to ramble more! My first name is Rhiannon (Ree-ann-in). I'm named after the Fleetwood Mac song if that means anything to anyone. But my mom liked it so much not -just- because she was a musicophile (she is definitely that) but also because she liked the Welsh mythology. My middle name, which I won't put here so that I can maintain my ever so slight air of mystery, was in honor of my aunt on my mom's side and my uncle on my dad's side who both have variations of the name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uh. I cry all the time so asking me to remember specifically when isn't fair. I teared up last night after watching the episode of The Toys That Made Us on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. ^^;

3. Do you have kids?

Like @thefreelanceangel, I've got pets! No kids for a multitude of reasons. That can be someone else's journey to go on.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Nah. Never.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to really enjoy playing soccer, pickle ball, and tennis. I'm far too out of shape to be good at any of those anymore. Now my favorite sport to play is "I walked up and down the stairs to do laundry so, you know, I'm killing it."

6. What is the first thing you notice about other people?

I don't know! I think I take in the whole -motions with hands to indicate the whole everything- first. Not in a nitpicky, judgmental, dumb way (god, then you could do that back to ME and I really would prefer you don't). Just the first thing I notice is the person? And the vibe? Like an immediate: Do I feel comfortable? Am I nervous? Do they seem nervous? Do they seem nice? Oh god, do I seem nice? If I talk to them, how likely are they to want to punt me across the room? Heh. Is that a good opening line that would make us both feel less nervous? "Hi! Nice to meet you. You're not likely to punt me across the room are you?" I may have just given away that I am a very introverted, anxious, and peculiar person above. That's Ok. Please don't punt me.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Why not both? Depends on my mood! Well. And I suppose the exact kind of scary or happy movie, too.

8. Any special talents?

Ummmmmm... I don't think I'm terrible at writing or singing. I could be a lot better at both, of course, but I could be a lot worse too! Are those boring? I'll try to think of a more interesting answer. I can sing every song backwards, flawlessly, and completely without error. That sounds like a special talent, right? I mean, it possibly (definitely) isn't true, but maybe it's more interesting to imagine.

9. Where were you born?

This reads like a "Just curious, what's the answer to one of the security questions you're likely to get asked frequently?" I was born in the backseat Of a Mustang On a cold night In the hard rain And the very first song that the radio sang Was "I won't be home no more." -Old 97s

10. Do you have any hobbies?

Changing the words to songs to put my cats' names in them, making up entirely new songs to sing at my cats, singing entirely made up songs about whatever task I am currently doing ("Singing while I type about my-se-e-e-e-elf. Singing cuz this quiz ain't about no one e-e-e-else.") ((<-- I didn't say the songs were any -good-) I write. I play video games. I watch a whooole lot of YouTube. I play tabletop RPGs. I daydream constantly about a vast array of other hobbies I want to take up but haven't yet.

11. Do you have any pets?

I do! One big ole fluffy black cat. One lil'r, sleek black cat. One old man leopard gecko. And maybe all the crickets that he hasn't eaten.

12. How tall are you?

5′ 2. The doctor has tried to tell me I'm actually 5' 1 and a half. But the doctor is obviously wrong. You really just can't trust doctors.

13. Favorite Subject in School:

Grade school and high school? Art and English. College: Cultural Anthropology and Linguistics. Though, to be honest, I only really got into Cultural Anthropology in the first place because the professor was really attractive. >.> I later learned to genuinely like the subject though! Despite my social anxiety, I -really- love learning about people and culture and I'm crazy about language.

14. Dream job?

Something that allows me to be myself and celebrates it! So anything that allows me the creative space to write/sing/act/engage with others in my full exuberance would be amazing. I'd really like to own a cat cafe. Or maybe a bookstore with a kitty. I'd just really like jobs that would allow me space to either feel wildly creative or wildly at peace.

15. Eye Color?

Brown. Brownish-green. Hazel, I guess! Or whatever color the oil sheen on my constantly icky glasses makes my eyes. -_- I swear, I can't get these things clean.

TAGGING: @herowren, @faustinebellamy, @argentrenard, @the-wanted-man, @lettersnorth, @unabashedrebel, @damienward-ffxiv, @irascibleblackguard and everyone!

#OOC #:D #Meeee

[rosebury-archives]

CalmWriMo 2023 Wrap Up!

It is done! It has been done for like four days! IT IS DONE!

I have taken part in @winterandwords' CalmWriMo, here's my goals and how I did!

At the start of November, I sat on 81450 Words for my project To Put On An Act. My current word count is 111793 Words!!!!! WHAAAAT!!!!!! It's safe to say that I reached my writing goal! But what else did I do?

Get to Chapter 16 OR write 30k words - safe to say that I reached both of these goals! I'm currently working on Chapter 18, and I've written 30343 words. Yippie!

Plan later chapters post breakup - eh. I collected some ideas and have a rough plan but there's still some proper outlining missing. I do have a little bit of a better picture now though!

Post progess more frequently - This worked semi well? I would've loved to post more logs to be honest but. Oh well. I did post a couple logs though, and I want to try to make this a habit, maybe to at least yell on here once a week (if I do happen to write that week of course).

Make some Moodboards - I did that! I've not posted them here yet but I did make some little moodboards for a bunch of the characters :)

Make an intro post for this account - did that as well! Yippiee!

Plan for another mysterious project - heheheheheheeheheheh >;)

Now the other, just as important part of CalmWriMo, the Calm. I was not as calm as I should've been. Let's see. What's the goals.

Get more sleep - ahahah. uuh. ahhahehheah. hm. well. let's move on.

Be less anxious/worried about What The World Thinks Of Me - hm. Well. Well? I mean I guess. I think it's fine. I still think every single person in the world is better than me but it's okayyyy I'm alive what more do I want.

KILLING THE CRINGE - happy to report that the cringe dies again every day

Read More - OOOOHHHH LOOK SOMETHING I DID!!! Listened to my audiobook in the beginning of November, however, I did not finish it. Oh well! Instead I did some reading of fellow writers on Wattpad. Some of these really are the most written stories of all time, but there are some real gems hidden in there that I can learn from. Also great for networking [wink]

Less Stress about posting - no stress at all I Am So Calm. I actually caught up to my posting schedule! I took it slow and posted every two weeks to give myself some time, and now I can go back to my regular weekly schedule! I think it's fine. i think I'm fine. I can post when I want and do what I want.

ALL IN ALL! THIS WAS GREAT!!! THIS WAS GENUINELY SO GREAT!!!! I'm really proud of myself and what I did this past month, I got a lot done, I feel motivated, I feel excited! I can't believe I've already hit over 100k words, and at this point I have no idea when this will end, but I'm just really excited to see what the future will hold for TPOAA.

Having a goal for the month really did help me to get a gentle kick in the ass and to sit down and write. I was writing an average of 2k words a day and I hope to kind of keep that even if I don't have a goal set for the month.

If it wasn't for my incredibly draining job, I probably would've been able to hit an even higher word goal, but I genuinely think this was the best I could do and I'm so genuinely proud of myself. Maybe next year I'll aim even higher? Who knows!

Great job to everyone else who took part in CalmWriMo/NaNoWriMo, no matter if you hit your goal, you did great and I'm so proud of you and I kiss you btw. Also thank you winter tumblr dot com for coming up with this idea and making my first steps into the world of November writing challenges a little easier!

remember that Alex and Youngbin love u all <3

#nanowrimo 2023 #nanowrimo #calmwrimo 2023 #calmwrimo #writeblr

[hi-intrepid-heroes]

hii so ive seen you posting about gming and i just want to ask you if you were anxious early on, and if you were, how you went about overcoming it? i know gming can be fun for me and i have a lot of cool ideas but im scared of like messing up and ruining the game for my players.

hi!!

thank you so much for sending me this!! i've been dm'ing for about a year now but we don't play super regularly so i still feel like a new-ish dm if i'm being honest. i'm still nervous before sessions and am still learning but some of my tips for overcoming anxiety are (note after writing: this got SO LONG sorry i hope it helps!):

-pick the right players: i think when you're starting out it's really important to have players that you trust! i'm really lucky and i play with people i've been friends with for like 10 years so i'm really comfortable around them, but in general try to have players that you trust not to hold mistakes you make (see tip #2) against you. it's easier to just go for it and try some things when you're comfortable around your players

-accept you're going to mess up sometimes: we all make mistakes, especially when you're learning a new skill, which is what dm'ing is. i don't know all the rules by heart, i have to change things halfway through sometimes, i sometimes run a not so great session, and that's just kind of. how it is. not everything's gonna be a banger. for me, it's really nice to address that? like, i recently ran a thing where two pcs were involved in a duel while the other two were just waiting, and they clearly got bored. so when the duel was over, i turned to them, said 'this was boring for you, right?', they said 'yeah' and i nodded and said 'cool, then we won't do it again', made a note of it, and move on. i cannot emphasise how much addressing something i did wrong due to miscalculation (i thought it would be shorter + more interesting for the pcs not involved), acknowledging it was a mistake and that i now know it doesn't work, and then just moving on instead of lingering on it helped in overcoming the anxiety around mistakes was. i tend to linger on my mistakes and by addressing it, i removed both doubt in my mind about how the players felt + doubt in their mind about whether i caught that it just wasn't that interesting, and that gave me the space to simply get on with the parts of the story that are interesting!

-find someone to talk to about your campaign that isn't your players: it's so nice to just braindump to another person sometimes, and this doesn't have to be someone who plays dnd! for the longest time, i would just talk to my mum about it, and simply the act of explaining to someone else what was happening and what i was struggling with helped me solve my own problems!

-prepare as much as you feel is necessary: i see a lot of people warning against over preparing and although you want to try and not railroad your players, preparing is great and in the beginning i prepared a lot! i'm now confident enough to improvise fantasy shots when necessary but i definitely wasn't a year ago and so i would just. make a bar if i knew they were going to an area with bars, and sometimes they wouldn't end up doing shots and i'd just save it. for me, this over preparation helped me feel safe in my own world and i knew there was less chance of me getting surprised (it still happened, it always happens (flashbacks to the barbarian in session 2 deciding she wanted a pet so i had to improvise a full fantasy pet store rip), but by preparing i saved myself a lot of stress)

-use online resources: there are so many blogs, youtube channels, and other things to help you with dm'ing and for me finding info/instructions made me feel more secure! i really like matthew colville, he's got a full playlist called running the game (find it here), which is about learning to dm, it's got 100+ videos and it's amazing. he advocates for using adventures, which i like cause they're a little bit more accessible! you don't have to homebrew if that seems intimidating, just run an adventure, they're just as fun and cool to do!! matthew colville is a good intro, when i have a specific question, i also look at the DM Lair, who has a lot of really focused videos, but i haven't seen that many. in theme with this blog, i also like adventuring academy which is brennan + guest, specifically this one with murph cause they have a beautiful bit where they emphasise that if you have watched dimension 20 you can dm, anyone can do it and i 100% agree. you can do it!! i understand you're nervous but the biggest hurdle (for me, at least) was the first session. the second they laugh at something you said or are creeped out by the haunted mansion you created based on a backstreet boys music video (only normal decisions here), you realise 'oh. this is kind of fun actually'. i'm still nervouse before sessions and a lot of way more experienced dms are too but it's also so fun just try it!! i'd love to hear how it goes!

dm's please reblog with your best tips for overcoming anxiety!!!!

#so sorry for the length i have one mood and its in this essay i will #thank u for the question if you have any more let me know i will try to help in any way i can <3 #good luck with dm'ing im rooting for you!!!! #shut up judith

[borgorbelly]

hi friends! I hope everyone is doing well! this isn’t R&M related necessarily, but I’d appreciate if you read it anyways. (short update at the end)

to start off I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for interacting with my posts and being so kind to me! I was really nervous about starting a new account on here because of my first experience with this platform (circa early 2010’s). But i am so grateful to everyone here for your kindness, interaction, and words of encouragement. It is so motivating to have complete strangers enjoying what I’ve written. Ever since I was about 9 or 10 writing has been one of my biggest passions, and one of my healthiest coping mechanisms. The first fic I ever wrote was a one direction fanfic, and I spend an absurd amount of time trying to make it perfect so people would want to read it which eventually led to me being too burnt out and anxious to continue writing it. After that and middle/high school I felt like my love for writing was sucked out completely. I was wrong though, my fear of failure had just overtaken it. Now, however, I am more motivated than ever to write and share it! I’m less concerned with other people’s approval which is not something I ever thought possible for myself.

All of that to say thank you to anyone who has read or interacted with any of my posts so far. and a massive thank you to @mycelial-morty for making my whole day yesterday with your kind words. That alone has motivated me to continue sharing my work. I really did tear up at your answer to my ask, it means more than you know.

You never know what kind of effect your kind words may have on someone so please don’t hesitate to share them. I promise you, any creative (or person in general) will appreciate your kindness more than they can express. Especially when it comes to their creations. It is hard to be a creative in our world, but we wouldn’t have shit worth sticking around for if it wasn’t for them (imo).

As for my Happy New Year short, I’m planning on uploading Part 2 on wednesday or thursday (jan 4/5) and part 3 on sunday (jan 8) but it really depends on my work schedule and how i feel after my shifts this week.

and for the visual art piece, i’m planning on sunday for that one as well, but we’ll see. (teaser pic below)

Finally, i am going to start uploading my writings on AO3 (as well as here) so that it will be easier to read instead of scrolling through my blog once I start uploading more writings. I’ll link everything in post. I’ll update when I’ve uploaded on there.

I hope you all have a wonderful day <3

#rick and morty #author #rick sanchez #writing

[deadveiled]

              𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐈 𝐑𝐔𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒.

ꜱᴘᴇᴇᴅ.  as of right now, my blog runs (almost) fully on a queue, which is a decision i made earlier in the semester since i want to focus more of my time on school work, practicing, graduate school applications, and taking care of my mental and physical health, which can often involve extended breaks from the rpc. with that said, i do try and queue up at least one response every time i find myself on here, which is usually a tiny bit at the middle of the day and mostly in the late afternoon and evenings (when i’m not dicking around elsewhere or watching shows). weekends and US holidays/school breaks are a different story, where i’m around more often but still trying to focus on myself.

ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ.  i tend to draft all of the thread replies that i owe and queue up at least one response for whenever i’m online and feel like completing something from my drafts, as i mentioned in the last section. i also tend to queue these responses in the order that i receive them, but it depends on how much i’m feeling a specific thread and if i’m mains with the other or not. if it’s been around a couple weeks since you replied to a thread we’re doing, please feel free to send me a gentle poke, and it  would be helpful to provide a link to the thread since sometimes things  tend to get lost in my drafts. i don’t use banners or any fancy graphics in my responses, just still icons.

ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀꜱ.  i don’t post a ton of these, but when i do, they’re usually inspired by songs (as per usual). not very many of them tend to get a lot of notes, sometimes none at all, so if it’s been a while where i’ve had a starter and i want to write whatever that one is about, i’ll likely just reblog it again instead of making a new one. my opens are generally always open, and any of my mutuals are always welcome to respond!! c: i use banners for starter calls.

ᴀꜱᴋꜱ.  like thread responses, in-character responses to things in the inbox tend to be queued, and i also like to publish them in the order i get them, unless if it’s some prompt or starter that i’m really excited about. anon asks are currently closed at the moment due to both anxiety from a very brief harassment incident that occurred over the summer and because i get anxious about having anonymous messages, particularly with the astounding degree of hatred towards marginalized folks like trans people at the moment, of which i am. i’m also never really in the mood to see people arguing with me in my inbox about my character and my writing habits, which have happened on other blogs before. so i decided that it’s best to not have that option at all. that topic aside, if it’s been a while since you’ve sent in an ask, please feel free to give a gentle poke, and if it’s from a meme, it would be helpful to specify that as well. i use banners, dividers, and still icons in my ask posts, which i tend to just copy and paste from the ask itself into a new text post (which you all probably already know).

ᴏᴏᴄ ꜱᴛᴜꜰꜰ.  sometimes i often take more time to answer ooc stuff and chat with you guys than i do for threads or asks & other in character stuff i owe you guys, because i love to talk to y’all and get to know y’all as people since i think it makes us better writing partners. i also love getting asks for ooc stuff, like from memes. for ooc posts i use banners.

ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢɪɴɢ & ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏʀᴅ.  mutuals are always welcome to dm me here on tumblr to ask questions. most ooc interactions i prefer to have on discord, where you can find me at dumb bitch energy#7000. i personally find the platform a lot more accessible and easier to use and has statistically been less fucky with me than tumblr messaging. for things like further plotting and discussion, i strongly prefer discord, but if you don’t have a discord, then tumblr messenger works just fine.

ʜɪᴀᴛᴜꜱ.  whenever i take a hiatus, i will make both a public post and mark my blog as such in the current pinned post. the only roleplay blogs of mine that are not currently on hiatus are this one (even though i’m admittedly on a semi-hiatus here), @titxxn​, & @cybermarked​. speaking of this blog being on a semi-hiatus at the moment, responses are going to come a lot slower than the responses on other blogs, and my activity will be a lot spottier. when i’m on any kind of hiatus, all rules regarding sending me messages about asks and replies that i owe you are rescinded. i’ve done all i believe is necessary to notify you regarding my absence, and i expect that you respect my decision and my space and not continuously hound me.

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʀᴘ ʙʟᴏɢꜱ.  all of my other rp blogs can be found here.

#( i only decided today that i was gonna post about hiatus ) #( but it's in my pinned post so i guess this is your announcement if you weren't already aware c: ) #noah rambles. >>> 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑

[mellifloraa]

i am very sad tonight and fixating on icky things and icky people so i will be posting a list of things that i love and things that make me happy as a reminder to myself.

i love myself. it has taken me so goddamn long to get to a place where i can say that and genuinely mean it, and i'm not sure if i'm quite there yet, but i am closer to it than i've ever been. i feel at home in my body most days. i try to accept every bit of my body as part of me and i combat dysphoria as best i can in the moment. i am doing the best i can and i am feeling better about my trans body than i have in a very very long time.

i love that i am driven. i am going back to school for the first time since 2016. the last time i was in college it was legitimately and literally the worst point in my life, and i'm working on moving forward and getting back into it to better myself and work on building a future for myself.

i love that i try to be a good friend. i mess up sometimes and i get things wrong sometimes and i go distant sometimes but. i'm trying my best. i'm working on reflecting the love and care that people show me and i'm trying to be as good a friend as i can to those in my circle. even if people who aren't in my life anymore say that i'm a bad friend or a bad person, i am trying. i am trying to be a better person than i was the day before. and even if i have a long way to go, the fact that i am trying says a lot.

i love creating. i love playing music on my little blue bass and i love writing shitty poetry in my notes app and i love writing fanfics about my dnd ocs and i love coloring black and white photos. i've been a creative all my life and ever since my mental illness really started to manifest and take over my life i've been distancing myself from the act of creating. it feels so good to start again. i need to focus more on creating for the sake of creating, rather than for the satisfaction of interaction and feedback, but that will come with time.

i love nature. i love space. i love being able to look up and see the sky at night. where i live it gets very cloudy very often, but every once in a while, the sky is so clear and you can see so many stars. it stretches on forever. it's so nice. i'm trying my best to get back outside again and take more walks now that it's beginning to get cooler and less sunny, and it's always so nice to simply exist amongst nature instead of being cooped up in my bedroom all day.

i love feeling like i have a future. for the longest time, it's been immensely hard to picture myself as having a future, be it because of my own mental illness or feeling like it's been barricaded off to me for whatever societal reason. now that i'm in school and working towards something that i genuinely enjoy and have enjoyed since i was a child, it gives me so much hope to think that my future is tangible. that it's real. and that it will happen. i'm still very anxious about it and i can't think about it for too long without panicking again, but any progress is better than no progress. i'm working towards it and that's what's important.

i'm trying to fall back in love with life. i'm trying to have a full experience here while i still can, and surround myself with people and experiences and media that i love. it's so easy for me to fixate and get stuck in an echo chamber where everything and everyone that's ever hurt me is just... overwhelming me. but i'm trying to push forward and live a full life in spite of what's happened to me. despite the hurt and the pain and the bad friends and the abusive exes and the trauma. and it's really fucking hard. but i like to think it gets easier. maybe. hopefully.

#personal #vent #i don't think this necessitates a tw bc i don't really discuss anything but #suicide tw #dysphoria tw #just in case. #anyway i'm lost in my head tonight #and i found a stupid tumblr exploit that lets me see things i really shouldn't see and i'm trying so hard not to focus on it #and i just. needed some reminders. #i'm gonna try and go sleep. i luv you guys. #if you read this i'm sorry you have to be subjected to my emotional bullshit lmao

[titxxn]

               𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐈 𝐑𝐔𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒.

ꜱᴘᴇᴇᴅ.  as of right now, my blog runs (almost) fully on a queue, which is a decision i made earlier in the semester since i want to focus more of my time on school work, practicing, graduate school applications, and taking care of my mental and physical health, which can often involve extended breaks from the rpc. with that said, i do try and queue up at least one response every time i find myself on here, which is usually a tiny bit at the middle of the day and mostly in the late afternoon and evenings (when i’m not dicking around elsewhere or watching shows). weekends and US holidays/school breaks are a different story, where i’m around more often but still trying to focus on myself.

ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ.  i tend to draft all of the thread replies that i owe and queue up at least one response for whenever i’m online and feel like completing something from my drafts, as i mentioned in the last section. i also tend to queue these responses in the order that i receive them, but it depends on how much i’m feeling a specific thread and if i’m mains with the other or not. if it’s been around a couple weeks since you replied to a thread we’re doing, please feel free to send me a gentle poke, and it would be helpful to provide a link to the thread since sometimes things tend to get lost in my drafts. i don’t use banners or any fancy graphics in my responses, just still icons.

ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀꜱ.  i don’t post a ton of these, but when i do, they’re usually inspired by songs (as per usual). not very many of them tend to get a lot of notes, sometimes none at all, so if it’s been a while where i’ve had a starter and i want to write whatever that one is about, i’ll likely just reblog it again instead of making a new one. my opens are generally always open, and any of my mutuals are always welcome to respond!! c: i use banners for starter calls.

ᴀꜱᴋꜱ.  like thread responses, in-character responses to things in the inbox tend to be queued, and i also like to publish them in the order i get them, unless if it’s some prompt or starter that i’m really excited about. anon asks are currently closed at the moment due to both anxiety from a very brief harassment incident that occurred over the summer and because i get anxious about having anonymous messages, particularly with the astounding degree of hatred towards marginalized folks like trans people at the moment, of which i am. i’m also never really in the mood to see people arguing with me in my inbox about my character and my writing habits, which have happened on other blogs before. so i decided that it’s best to not have that option at all. that topic aside, if it’s been a while since you’ve sent in an ask, please feel free to give a gentle poke, and if it’s from a meme, it would be helpful to specify that as well. i use banners, dividers, and still icons in my ask posts, which i tend to just copy and paste from the ask itself into a new text post (which you all probably already know).

ᴏᴏᴄ ꜱᴛᴜꜰꜰ.  sometimes i often take more time to answer ooc stuff and chat with you guys than i do for threads or asks & other in character stuff i owe you guys, because i love to talk to y’all and get to know y’all as people since i think it makes us better writing partners. i also love getting asks for ooc stuff, like from memes. for ooc posts i use banners.

ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢɪɴɢ & ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏʀᴅ.  mutuals are always welcome to dm me here on tumblr to ask questions. most ooc interactions i prefer to have on discord, where you can find me at dumb bitch energy#7000. i personally find the platform a lot more accessible and easier to use and has statistically been less fucky with me than tumblr messaging. for things like further plotting and discussion, i strongly prefer discord, but if you don’t have a discord, then tumblr messenger works just fine.

ʜɪᴀᴛᴜꜱ.  whenever i take a hiatus, i will make both a public post and mark my blog as such in the current pinned post. the only roleplay blogs of mine that are not currently on hiatus are this one, @cybermarked​, and @deadveiled​ (although it’s kind of on a semi-hiatus). when i’m on any kind of hiatus, all rules regarding sending me messages about asks and replies that i owe you are rescinded. i’ve done all i believe is necessary to notify you regarding my absence, and i expect that you respect my decision and my space and not continuously hound me.

ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʀᴘ ʙʟᴏɢꜱ.  all of my other rp blogs can be found here.

#noah rambles. >>> 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 #( saw this on the dash a lil earlier today and figured i should share too c: )

[hawkinsharlot]

Thank you for your answer! 😊 Oh and since I haven't told you that in the last ask, I will do that now real quick : I love your Argyle writings and rambling, especially your portrayal and passion for him! That's so sweet 😍

Okay, here it comes :

Can I have a Stranger Things match up please? 💕

I've got really pale skin (which I love), white blonde shoulder-length hair with the tips dyed dark purple on one side and dark green on the other, a few ear piercings, I'm somewhat curvy (which I'm not insecure about), around 5'5 high and I'm always wearing only black clothing with a gothic/punk/metal/alternative style.

My own love language is gift giving and words of affirmation and from others it's physical touch and quality time. I'm female, interested in men, but I'm also open for women, so it's kind of both.

Meeting new people, being in crowded places and in the center of attention make me really anxious and uncomfortable. Although it's easier if I can relay and concentrate on someone really close to me. That's one of the reasons why I prefer staying inside and leaving the house only when absolutely necessary.

I have deep emotions, but they tend to overwhelm me and I struggle with communicating and procressing them alone, which leads me to relying on others (and annoying them with it) but also understanding others and the world around me on a deeper level. I believe that's also why I'm so accepting, supporting and open-minded.

I love to help others, I tend to always put their well-being before my own and try anything possible to make it easier for them and take some weight off their shoulders, to lighten up someone's mind and make their worries less overwhelming. To put it simply, I hate to see others suffering and will do anything to help them.

I'm the happiest when the people I love are happy, when someone truly listens to me, my thoughts and feelings.

I hate the summer, but love autumn and it's aesthetic, flavours, scents and weather!

I'm a very loving, warm and passionate person. I care about the people who're close to me and I will go to great length to help them. Furthermore, I'm ultimately loyal and would never betray or let people I love down!

I hate when people believe they can define or generalize what's normal or beautiful, boring or annoying, typical or effective. All these are personal views and usually I find beauty where others don't, enjoy unusualness and uniqueness and despise mainstream and stereotypical things. Being like everyone else or fitting into some kind of box annoys me so much! That sometimes leads me to avoid people who're considered normal or fit easily in.

The nightsky inspires and fascinates me, just as much as rain calms me down and fills me with serenity, passion and happiness. My biggest passion is music and I could never live a day without it, it's like the air to breathe. I especially love (symphonic-,heavy-) metal!

I'm extremely shy, insecure and self-doubting, always believe that I'm annoying those around me. That's why I tend to distance myself and don't speak/act at all, in fear of embrassing myself even more. It helps if there's someone who helps, grounds and understands me in these times! With the right person, I can actually be quite sarcastic.

I firmly believe in the power of honesty and wish to be respected and accepted as much as I do show others.

My senses are pretty strong and my surroundings, especially combinated with my high social anxiety, sometimes lead me to anxiety and panic attacks, which I obliviously hate and am ashamed of. I struggle to get out of them on my own, but to someone really close to me it's actually not so hard.

I love watching movies and TV shows. To be honest, I prefer living in fictional worlds and daydreams over the real world. I'm especially enthusiastic about horror and fantasy.

I'm living vegan and I'm really passionate about it. I wish to never ever harm an animal and to treat them with all the love my heart is capable of! If I could, I would help and adopt every single animal and care for them lovingly.

I'm quite clingy and like to be surrounded by everything that's even remotely that of someone who's close to me. If I could, I would spend every minute with them and feel as (physicially and emotionally) close to them as possible.

I'm longing for someone to fall in love with me, accepting and supporting me just as I'm. I'm not easy to get along with and I'm used to feel like a outcast and weirdo, I believe that putting up with me is quite a burden, which I also don't wish to put upon someone. I don't need a lot of people around me, just one fully by my side is more than enough!

Thank you so much! 💕

sorry this took so long, my dude, i've been busy as hell lately :(

I ship you with... Steve Harrington!

I ship you with Steve Harrington! The biggest plot points in your relationship would be your shared desire for a deep connection with someone and both of you being hopeless romantics. Steve doesn't want just a girlfriend, but he wants someone who would he can confide in and who can be his other half. He's a good person to rely on too, he'd take the time with you to understand your complex emotions and thought and make sure you feel heard and seen at all times when it comes to that. He'd admire how passionate you get about the things you enjoy and the things you stand for. Even if you can't speak your mind loudly at times, Steve will always make sure you're taken care of <3

What he likes about you...

physically speaking, he'd love everything about you even if you have a ton of doubt about yourself. he'd love your curves and he'd especially love how much shorter you are than him. perfect height for forehead kisses! he also loves your style. he was a bit intimidated a first, but it evaporated as soon as he started talking to you

he'd love how you sit and you take your time with things and how passionate you are about your interest and your beliefs. honestly, he'd probably try and go vegan with you but he's not too ready to give up meat just yet.

he loves how you opened up to him once you both started becoming friends and talking more. at first, he was intimidated, funnily enough, by your clothes and demeanor, but was pleasantly surprised once he started to get to know you. it wasn't long before he fell, and steve harrington falls hard. he felt so fucking lucky once he got to know you, he couldn't imagine it any other way

Dating him would include...

get ready to never have another moment of alone time ever again. he's literally the clingiest person alive, but honestly it goes great with you! he's very physically clingy, that's for sure. you're never gonna go anywhere without him having an arm around you and showing you off to everyone. even when you're alone with him, he'd be holding your hands or cuddled up against you. and man, there'd be a shit ton of kisses. all the time, everywhere <3

him comforting you a lot. once you both start dating, he notices a lot of unease on your part, which is crazy to him. you're the most perfect girl in the world, how could you be nervous about dating him? once he figure it out though, it's non stop comfort from there on out. lot's a nights would be spent of him cuddled up next to you and making sure you feel nice and loved !!

attention. just in general, you're gonna be getting a lot of attention from him, and a ton from his friends as well. dustin would definitely like you, and just like that, you became dustin's other other mom along side steve. he'd introduce you to all the people he hangs out with on the daily or often, including robin! sooner or later, the all of you would become a little trio. if you didn't have friends before, you definitely do now :)

#steve harrington #steven harrington x reader #stranger things #st ship request

[bwabys-scenarios]

You can ansswer this privately or just delete it’s up to you. I don’t mean to make you feel anxious I just want to share my thoughts that have festered.

I was in your discord around 5 months ago and there was only ever interaction with you and about two other peoples . I love your blog here and the effort you put into everything you write. I just simply didn’t feel welcome there as a member.

I’m also autistic and felt odd and afraid to type. Any message I made In the channels was ignored or given short answers. I saw it with others who were members too. I don’t blame anyone for it I just found it a bit odd and I got the impression others didn’t feel the need to interact there anymore after that.

At that point, why have a discord? Hate to be rude but besides advertising fanfic writing and sharing thoughts, discord is still a social platform at heart that people like to go to interact when they want/can. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with writing for yourself like here on tumblr but I just don’t see much point in opening a discord server if 2-3 people interact, share, and so on Out of like 40 members total.

For that reason I fid privately messaging close mutuals or people via discord to be the best bet for my social battery. It’s low maintenance and low pressure as I don’t hav a super close connection with them and am able to chat privately or call whenever.

I apologize for any mistakes and any potential tone rudeness. It isn’t my intention to make you or anyone feel bad or to stress. I only wanted to share my thoughts on that matter and I truly to wish you the best.

The simple answer is that if you’ve been in my discord at all, you know that there are only so many active people. Me, Bug, Ella, and recently two more people. I interact with people when I’m online/able, and most of the time those people simply aren’t active at all.

I mean since the START of my server people have barely interacted with me despite my various attempts to schedule games, try to figure out people’s timezones to make communication easier, etc.

Now I put in less effort because I’m not going to keep pushing and pushing when I get no reply/answer. My discord exists so I can find people I click with AND for other people to find people they click with! It’s not supposed to be just me, others have found friends that AREN’T ME!

And I mentioned in my last post that interacting with people one on one is hard for me, so a place like discord where I can talk to people freely is better! And there’s no guarantee my mutuals will want to be in a smaller, more intimate group chat together with people they don’t know.

A discord is much more public and open feeling, at least for me. It’s so much easier to interact with others in that very specific way. The only people I DIRECTLY message are Bug, my friend Faith, and occasionally my other two online friends I’ve been with for a few years.

I’m just not the type that likes one on one conversations, they make me anxious unless I click with the person really well/I’ve known them for a long time. Even with Bug, who helps me write Fixer Upper, we rarely dm each other unless it’s about fanfiction. And that’s fine with me! I prefer speaking in vc!

My discord is for people to post their stuff, to make friends, and talk about fanfiction. It’s not my fault when people are inactive/only want to interact with me and get discouraged when I’m not able to give everyone my full attention.

And also around that time my sister moved in with us during the latter stages of her pregnancy, so I was very busy with helping her, and came to discord to escape, so I wasn’t super focused on interacting with everyone. If you come there now I’m much more active because she’s moving out and I can get some time to myself.

Most of the people who join my server never speak once. Idk how I’m supposed to interact with people that are never active. Everyone who talks in my server usually gets a reply or answer from me, but unless it’s something I’m really interested in/relevant to the conversation I’m probably not going to give a lengthy answer.

I feel like I’m making excuses when I really shouldn’t have to, I can interact with whoever I feel like and people aren’t entitled to my company or time just because they join my discord. Will the chance be higher that I’ll interact? Yes, because that’s my preferred method of communication. But is it guaranteed? Nope!

Basically, I do things the way I do them because they work for ME and make ME comfortable! It’s okay if you don’t completely understand, because every person is different. This is the way I do things. This allows me to interact with other people without feeling anxious. It’s not a perfect method but it works for me.

I’m also literally terrified of people misinterpreting what I say, and struggle to respond to people in fear what I say won’t be what’s socially correct. You may see me start typing and stop. The short replies are also because I often don’t know what to say or how to respond in ways that are “correct”.

I have a feeling I know who this is, and if you’re still in the discord by the time I post this, maybe reach out to me.

Anyways I’m gonna go work on writing. Hope this answers your question.

#ask answered #anon answered

[zane-helps-otherkin]

Shufflemancy for multiple relationships

Requested by: Anon

This is a long post, so i'll write everything under the cut. Apologies for the small text aswell. I needed to make it look smaller so it took less space, feel free to ask for plain text.

Requestes are currently closed

Relationship with L

SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON from Ethan Bortnick

Pour me the liquor, fill up the vial

You're stuck in here for a little while

Hallucinations to help you drown

No one can hear you scream without a sound

No need to teach you my native tongue

Savor your brain, my favorite drug

A lucid dream, a croupy cough

You're tryin' to fall asleep but now you're falling off

I got shot in the face, now I can't move

Don't get attached, movin' too fast

You know how time moves

'Cause the demon knows my vice

Yeah, I'm see through

I got put in a trance, stole my front tooth

Stunt double

My spinal door is open for my

Stunt double

Fell off the bed, I broke my leg

Wake up, wake up

Misery loves company

I'll be back, remember me?

Cheap imitation, hypnotic touch

Invite myself inside to make your body numb

My own interpretation

Well, this one is very difficult to interpret. But here's what I think: While the main thing i'm getting is toxicity, it could also be two heavily traumatized individuals. There's many feelings of "Needing to get away before they hurt me" from one side (your side, if i need to guess) and "I don't want them to leave me because they're everything i have" from the other part (again, if i have to guess, from L's part). There could have been many secrets from the "Needing to get away before they hurt me" side (weather that was you or not), if we are talking about some fictional source, i'd guess this character would be some sort of monster, scared of themself and scared to hurt others, therefore keeping their distance. This is mostly my guess, you may interpret it as you will.

Relationship with S

brutal from Olivia Rodrigo

I'm so insecure, I think

That I'll die before I drink

And I'm so caught up in the news

Of who likes me, and who hates you

And I'm so tired that I might

Quit my job, start a new life

And they'd all be so disappointed

'Cause who am I, if not exploited?

And I'm so sick of 17

Where's my fucking teenage dream?

If someone tells me one more time

"Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry

And I don't stick up for myself

I'm anxious and nothing can help

And I wish I'd done this before

And I wish people liked me more

All I did was try my best

This the kind of thanks I get?

Unrelentlessly upset (ah, ah, ah)

They say these are the golden years

But I wish I could disappear

Ego crush is so severe

God, it's brutal out here

I feel like no one wants me

And I hate the way I'm perceived

I only have two real friends

And lately, I'm a nervous wreck

'Cause I love people I don't like

And I hate every song I write

And I'm not cool and I'm not smart

And I can't even parallel park

My own interpretation

There's many angst in most of your relationships i see. This one isn't as hard to interpret, but here's my thoughts: The hard thing about this shufflemancy is too interpret it from the view of a relationship. We could think about it in three ways; both of you felt this way, one of you felt this way, or, the line "I only have two real friends" is about S being one of them and this is how you felt or viceversa. If we interpret it as a feeling in the relationship (i'm aware non of them were romantic, i just find it easier to call them "relationships"), there could've been many feelings of worthlessness, frustration, angryness/rage and maybe even depression, weather this is from both parts or only one. Again, this is only my guess and you may interpret it as you wish.

Relationship with M

A New Kind Of Love from Frou Frou

A new kind of love

Genetically altered

Enough of "Love Lite"

And "I Can't Believe It's Not Love!"

I can't help myself

And you don't have to say that

"It sparks across flesh

You'll feel it kicking in soon"

Are you falling in love?

I've a feeling you are

Are you falling in love

With a feeling?

So you're running late

And it's not even like you

You were doing so well

Did the dog eat your homework again?

I can't help myself (oh uh oh)

'Cause my friend says, "in real life

It's only the police (oh uh oh)

That ever come looking for you"

Are you falling in love?

I've a feeling you are

Are you falling in love

With a feeling?

Are you falling in love

Or only feeling you are?

'Cause if you're falling in love

Let me feel it

I've been busy

You know that

You know you're just saying that

Are you going to get that?

What's that supposed to mean?

My own interpretation

You mentioned non of your relationships were romantic, wich is why it's interesting getting this song. My own interpretation goes around strong feelings of love, even if it wasn't entirely romantic, but also confusion, in the song there's moments were the singer avoids "confirming" the other person has this feelings, wich mixed with the other songs you got, could be due to insecurity, worthlessness, depression or trauma. This song feels as if you really wanted to accept this feelings from M, but another part of you, preffers not to. Retaking my "one of them was a monster" guess, it could be because of that, the feeling of not wanting to hurt the other individual, however, again, this is my own interpretation and you may have another interpretation in mind.

Relationship with E

Cloud 9 from Beach Bunny

I don't wanna seem the way I do

But I'm confident when I'm with you

Lately all I feel is bad and bruised

Tired of tripping on my shoes

But when he loves me I feel like I'm floating

When he calls me pretty I feel like somebody

Even when we fade eventually to nothing

You will always be my favorite form of loving

When I start to tumble from the sky

You remind me how to fly

Lately, I've been feeling not alive

But you bring me back to life

My own interpretation

Now this is also interesting. E made you feel worth of this love, wich paired with the last song makes an interesting background. While there's apparently pretty feelings only, there's undertones of worthlessness again. In the song, it's literally the feeling of "i'm nothing without you", wich ends up with an interesting combo. This brings us back to the first song, because i feel like this was the exact feeling L felt for you, that you now feel for E. That's really interesting, but basically it's the same thing as your relationship with L, just inverted. Again, this interpretations could be wildly inaccurate, i just let my imagination make it make sense, and i hope this are helpful for you !.

#🌨️🌀 zane's shufflemancies #shufflemancy #divination #divination readings

[walkingstackofbooks]

Just shouting into the void ~

So my job application writing is going great /s ...

Lol I can't even focus on writing down these thoughts I'm already thinking on here what hope do I even have of writing a coherent personal statement?

Gah

I'm on #6 since April and they've got progressively harder. Like, I guess that makes sense in terms of motivation and whatnot, and also I am pretty burnt out after spending half-term with family instead of resting (it was nice but god, I should not have gone back into work straight away after) but also I'd started on meds for #1 and they worked GREAT but now it seems that initial burst has worn off and even after increasing they're not as good?

#1 - 12 weeks ago - Solidly worked on it for 2 days and did not procrastinate overly much - barely at all on day 1! It was wild! Magic!

#2 - 7 weeks ago - My expectations were high - and not quite met. More work than expected, there was less that I could copy-and-paste from the last than I thought there'd be. Got really tired in the afternoon and napped, had a sudden revival about 10 at night 😅

#3 - 4 weeks ago - Lots of productivity just... housework-wise. It was great for getting stuff I needed done though! Did bits and starts, didn't really get a good go at anything till Sun eve and even that was hard.

#4 and #5 - 3 weeks ago - Really productive evening at a friend's who offered to body double. Was fairly good the next day after a nap, too; bit of procrastination that weekend, but generally okay.

#6 - now - Did a fairly solid bit for a few hours yesterday, but then solidly procrastinated and lost belief I could do it. Have solidly procrastinated this morning, including some housework productivity, haven't been able to bring myself to even open the word doc.

I just haven't felt like this at all during this round of applications I don't think - back to what I felt during essay-writing and all that other shit that uses this sort of brain power. Most of the others was working to a tighter deadline, but not all of them were next-day affairs, and I was able to hold myself to my own deadline for once - I didn't pull any all-nighters, which is out-of-the-norm for me. This one isn't due until the end of next week (and gosh there's actually a #7 also due in next week which I've just put to one side bc I cannot) but I've got something on next weekend that I want to go to and haven't been able to go to in years but I'm just so aware I could miss it and wouldn't that be easier, Andi?, then you wouldn't have to do this damn application now!

Dammit I just hate my brain and the way it just slides over the paper when trying to get a grip on what I've done so far and doesn't take anything in and just can't be assed with the consequences of not doing it now, even as I get more and more anxious, and the whole spiral that is doing-things-now-but-not-enjoying-them knowing that if I just do the damn thing I can enjoy future things more!

(I think this all comes in the context of I cannot enjoy anything until I get a job bc my life is currently on hold and I just have to go through endless application processes but there's only this short window in May-June for most jobs and fricking hell I don't even WANT any of these jobs I'm just legally required to get it so I can resume my current, enjoyable job in two years time... Which is fun.)

Anywayyy

This is just more procrastination.

(I'm also not sure if I'm procrastinating going to the shops or putting it off in the hope I'll do some work but it's a Sunday so they'll close in two hours which is a good thing tbf otherwise I might procrastinate it longer than tea but also AGH I don't have TIME to go to the shops but I can't afford NOT to and I seemingly have time to procrastinate so just go out to the shops already you damned fool.)

#personal #just venting #can my brain just not please #WSB