#and as much as a lot of this healing needs to be attributed to me bc i've been the one holding my own hand through all of this

[harrylights]

gonna get sappy here for a hot sec (quelle surprise)

#i just had therapy #well #like an hour ago now #and it started off rocky but we made a list of all the changes/improvements i've made since around this time last year and holy fuck #it's so weird that it rarely feels like i'm making progress bc things can still be really hard sometimes #but at the end i was crying bc i was like damn?? i'm actually Doing It??? #things may not be perfect but i am healing!!!! mostly on my own!!!!!!!!!!! #the list got way longer than i expected it to be #and i'm gonna make a nicer looking one and put it up on my wall so i like #remember #bc so often i dismiss changes ik i've made that i don't give enough credit to and get sad that i'm not doing better than i am #but bitch!!!!! i've come so far #and as much as a lot of this healing needs to be attributed to me bc i've been the one holding my own hand through all of this #i CANNOT emphasize enough how much having this sweet lil community has meant to me #especially in the last month or so #time takes time to heal it you can't do it by yourself is REAL #as much as i try not to rely on anyone else for my own recovery etc etc #yall brighten my day sm #just by being u #so thank u #idk if anyone is gonna read this but idc #tysm <3 #ily

[theresattrpgforthat]

Hello! My play group has recently begun a PF2e game and we're enjoying it, but as an almost-forever-GM running one-shots looking for The Next Big Game to run I'm definitely noticing a trend of "a small run of bad rolls has decided you lose" that stands in contrast to a more subjectively "forgiving" system like Cypher or Quest. I know any dice-based game can theoretically end up with the dice deciding "you lose tonight," but it got me to thinking about that feeling in trying new systems. We definitely love mechanics in play - i.e. I'm not strictly looking for diceless systems, but they're not off the table either - so I'd love to hear about games you like and think are on the forgiving side of the spectrum with regards to bad luck streaks. Thank you!

THEME: “Forgiving” Games.

Hello friend, I love these kinds of games a lot. Here's a few outside of Numenera, which you already seem to know about. I tried to stick with games that have some longevity, although I'm not sure how long you can play Our Haunt as a campaign.

Vaesen, by Free League Publishing.

Welcome to the Mythic North – northern Europe of the nineteenth century, but not as we know it today. A land where the myths are real. A cold reach covered by vast forests, its few cities lonely beacons of industry and enlightenment – a new civilization dawning. But in the countryside, the old ways still hold sway. There, people know what lurks in the dark. They know to fear it.

Vaesen – Nordic Horror Roleplaying is written by Nils Hintze and based on the work of Swedish illustrator and author Johan Egerkrans. Vaesen presents a dark Gothic setting steeped in Nordic folklore and the old myths of Scandinavia. The game mechanics utilize an adapted version of the award-winning Year Zero Engine.

Vaesen allows players to do something called pushing the roll, although you can only do it once per any given action. You will roll a number of six-sided dice according to a skill + attribute combination, and aim to roll 6’s, which are successes. Pushing the roll allows you to re-roll any dice that did not come up as a 6, thus giving you a second chance - or a chance to be more effective, if you need more than one 6 to do what you want to do.

Since Vaesen is a horror game, however, this push doesn’t come without a cost. Choosing to Push a roll means that your character will have to take on a condition, which is represented as either a Physical or Mental injury or affliction. Take too many in the same category, and your character becomes Broken, thus requiring immediate medical attention. Conditions can be healed and cured, so how deadly your game is depends on how little (or much) rest time your characters have in between encounters.

Genesys, by Edge Studio.

Face down a dragon as a brave knight, hack into a corporate security system as an elite runner, set sail in your airship. Unlimited adventure awaits you in Genesys,  a new roleplaying system designed for a variety of settings and limited only by your imagination.

The Genesys experience begins with the Genesys Core Rulebook, which features an explanation of the innovative narrative dice system and core mechanics of the game, an overview of five different settings in which to place campaigns, and advice for Game Masters to craft a myriad of adventures with unparalleled freedom.

So I’d really like to recommend the Star Wars RPG that spearheaded this system, but as far as I understand it’s getting harder and harder to get a hold of. The core system, however, is still available on DriveThruRPG, and I really like how it handles dice rolls. The Genesys system uses a custom set of dice that have three different levels of results: advantage/threat, success/failure, and triumph/despair. These symbols typically cancel each-other out. Both positive and negative dice have a number of different symbols on their faces, and rolling more successes for example, means you’re not going to have less advantages, while rolling a higher number of threats will lead to less failures.

This means that the two most common rolls you will get will be Success with a Threat and Failure with an Advantage. Therefore each roll has both a positive and negative result. If you end up rolling extra-special dice, you might end up with a Triumph and/or a Despair, which happen regardless of any other rolls. So you could have a Failure with an Advantage and a Triumph - which might mean that maybe you don’t unlock that door, but maybe you hear someone coming and duck into a hidey-hole before they show up - and they turn out to be an ally.

Genesys is a toolkit that you can use to make your own game, but if you want a setting to go with it, you might want to check out Realms of Terrinoth (Fantasy), Keyforge: Secrets of the Crucible (gonzo sci-fantasy), or Shadow of the Beanstalk (cyberpunk).

Masks: A New Generation, by Magpie Games.

Halcyon City has had more than its fair share of superheroes, superteams, supervillains, and everything in between. Your team of young supers must forge your own path amidst the pressures of a world full of people telling you what to do and who to be, and kick some butt along the way!

Masks: A New Generation is a superhero tabletop roleplaying game full of action, youthful angst, and dazzling bravery. Take on the roles of members of the latest generation of superheroes, young adults trying to figure out who they are and what kind of heroes they want to be.

MASKS is well-known and for a good reason. It’s an excellent introduction to the PbtA framework, and contains a lot of solid advice for the person who’s running the game. One of the core pieces of advice that you can take from this game to others in the same system-family is that of Soft and Hard moves. When a PC rolls a 6 or less, the ball is in your court, but as the GM, it’s up to you how bad the character fails. Soft and Hard moves are a key part of this.

While a straight-up failure may be needed once in a while, sometimes all you need to do is telegraph danger, and give your players another chance to try a different approach. This is called a Soft Move. You might place the characters in an eerie atmosphere but give them a chance to act, or present them with an NPC asking difficult questions, but give them space to answer. You might not even require them to roll at all - if you think that the hero should be able to do something, they’ll do it.

Finally, since Masks is about teenage superheroes, death isn’t really on the table. What’s at stake is their self-image, and that is reflected in the emotional damage the characters take. This chance to wrestle with why they truly are might even be something welcome for the players to dig into - I know me and my friends sometimes found moments of interpersonal conflict to be the most rewarding.

Endeavour, by Armiger Games.

You are an officer aboard the Interstellar Confederation Ship Endeavour. Your mission is to explore the galaxy. You will travel deep into uncharted space where you will encounter strange phenomena, make first contact with alien civilizations, and help those in need.

This is an optimistic-science fiction game. It is a game about a future in which humanity has progressed beyond the kinds of internecine conflicts that plague modern society. Advanced technology is common and has created a post-scarcity society throughout the Interstellar Confederation.

Stories in Endeavour generally involve some kind of moral quandary. Moreover, the futuristic setting acts as lens through which we can view contemporary social issues. The best such stories are fundamentally about the difficult choices the crew are asked to make and how they are affected by their experiences.

Endeavour is a play-set for AGON, a game about Greek Heroes setting out to make a name for themselves. You need AGON to play, but the rules for both these games take a very unique approach to solving problems.

Almost every conflict present in Endeavour is a collaborative Challenge. This means that any time an obstacle presents itself, the group has a chance to face it as a team. Facing Challenges as a team increases chances of success in two ways: in one way, since each player might be participating, there is a higher chance that one person or another rolls a high enough number to pass the challenge. However, players can also choose to aid each-other, foregoing a chance to gain Distinction but improving another player’s chance at success.

Our Haunt, by Rae Nedjadi.

We are ghosts. We are in a house we don't recognize. We have a handful of memories, and these memories are brief moments and flashes of barely something. The Living are nearby, and they encroach on our space, making their demands. Worse, there is a Thing in the Walls. It is ancient, inhuman. Hungry, yearning. Angry.

But this is Our Haunt now. This is our home, and we only have each other as family. If we take care of each other, good things will happen. We just know it.

Our Haunt uses a diceless system called Belonging Outside Belonging, or No Dice, No Masters. This can be GM-less, but it doesn’t have to be - and I definitely recommend checking other games that use this system if you want to control the level of failure.

BoB games use a token-based economy, where following certain prompts on your character sheet will give your character the ability to use other abilities listed on their character sheet. This creates a rhythm, between moves that invite interesting interactions or complications, and moves that push the story forward, or allow you to do something special.

Each playbook usually also has special moves that the character can do for free, that neither earn nor spend a token. Because the use of tokens is up to the players, failure will only happen when you decide it happens, and every failure banks a potential success, so even if Our Haunt isn’t what you’re looking for tone-wise, I definitely recommend checking out other Belonging outside Belonging games.

Slugblaster, by Wilkie’s Candy Lab.

In the small town of Hillview, teenage hoverboarders sneak into other dimensions to explore, film tricks, go viral, and get away from the problems at home. It’s dangerous. It’s stupid. It’s got parent groups in a panic. And it’s the coolest thing ever.

This is Slugblaster. A table-top rpg about teenagehood, giant bugs, circuit-bent rayguns, and trying to be cool.

Forged in the Dark games allow you to succeed at least partially on a result of a 4 or higher, so you’re much more likely to succeed with a cost than straight up fail, and even if you do take some kind of consequence, that consequence can always be thrown off by using something called a Resistance Roll. The original system, Blades in the Dark, still felt pretty brutal if you played it as written. However, Mikey Hamm, the designer for Slugblaster, wanted to make a game about teenagers hoverboarding across dimensions, not hardened criminals surviving in a brutal city, so he made some key changes.

Kids in Slugblaster may take “slams”, but no damage is permanent. Staying in another dimension too long may trigger an unpleasant experience called peelback, but it doesn’t kill you, and if you log a bunch of doom (the game’s Stress equivalent), you don’t take a permanent condition - you worry your folks, or have to spend your extra free time doing homework. At its core, Slugblaster’s biggest threat is losing your status - you’re not really in physical danger.

Other Games to Check Out

Wanderhome, by Jay Dragon.

Spectaculars, by Scratchpad Publishing.

#tabletop games #indie ttrpgs #game recommendations #dnd #asks #forgiving games

[actiwitch]

The Gods' myths sometimes include horrific or immoral aspects. That doesn't mean we should behave as if those myths dont exist!

(A Pagan perspective)

(tw: sa, misogyny)

When we are faced with myths that no longer fit in modern moral views (such as so much SA in Greek mythology alone there's a whole Wikipedia page on it) we should not shy away! Even if we don't like or approve of it, it's a part of the Gods' history and mythos.

All mythology is written by humans, and as such is unavoidably a product of its time. The way that anyone (including modern pagans) interprets the Gods as entities, or any interaction with them, is limited within our own culture, time period, and personal beliefs. By examining both the beliefs of the present and the past, we can decide for ourselves how we see the Gods while considering the context their myths were written in.

Even within one time period or similar group of people, such as modern pagans today, interpretations of the Gods can vary widely.

Zues is a cheating rapist. He is also a powerful god of the skies, lightning, and order.

Lucifer is literally the devil. An evil liar full of sins. And yet he is enlightening, independent, and honest.

Freyja is constantly associated (some say reduced) to sex. She uses her body for her gain, and is quite canonically called a slut. At the same time, she's the goddess of women! Of female power, both in mental skill and physical strength. She leads the Valkyries.

Loki is dark and deceptive, bringer of Ragnarok-- and he's a deity of change and freedom.

And neither is wrong. In mythology, both are true.

The Gods, all their aspects, and all the texts we have of them are complicated, complex, multifaceted, and interpretive- of course, there will be various understandings within pagan practices. No one view is superior to the other. Our understandings all exist on a scale, or rather some sort of mashup, of how important and what importance we attribute to various myths and aspects of deities.

When I worshipped Hera, I did so in two 'versions'. 1. Hera as resistance against men and abuse. I found solace and connection with her in powerful womanhood and female rage. I prayed to her before attending a pro-choice rally. And 2. Hera as a symbol of deep love, power, and marriage, and commitment. I lit her candle when my partner was over or when I needed a confidence boost.

These aspects never felt conflicting to me. Separate, maybe (I certainly wasn't thinking of any cheating or abuse in mythology as overlapping with the love and commitment)- but just part of one THING. Of Hera and everything surrounding her.

To many other deities of various 'immoral' aspects, these conflicting elements aren't just both present but often integral to their presence and worship.

Lucifer is often worshipped in rebellion. In healing from oppressive Christianity and finding light and understanding in that darkness.

Freyja is sexual! One of her many aspects. (which by the way, should not be seen as immoral. looking at yall, bs tumblr feminists) There is pleasure, joy, and power to be found in reclaiming that part of women we are told is shameful.

Loki is so much at once. He is outcast and destructive, and within that he spurs necessary change and chaos. So many pagans look to her as a symbol of queerness in the broadest sense and in facing the necessary chaos of growth.

TLDR: Don't just ignore aspects of mythology that feel uncomfortable (obviously unless something like trauma is involved). There is a lot to learn both from understanding the time and context their myths were written in as well as self-reflection on how certain myths or aspects of deities fit (or don't fit) within your practice.

#pagan #deites #paganism #deities #deitywork #norse paganism #deity work #paganblr #polytheist #hellenic polytheism #heathenry #the old gods #pagan witch #mythology #witch

[idololivine]

one thing I want to know about you: what are your thoughts on the role of religion in Olivine's character arc?

omfg. I've written so much about it scattered across a ton of untagged analysis posts... let me see how many of my past thoughts I remember off the top of my head

so, let's first break this down into broad strokes:

there's the tropes of religious (Christian coded) characters in BL and hentai and how Olivine compares to those standard tropes

there's how religion shaped Olivine's upbringing and trauma

there's how religion continues to shape Olivine's healing and how he's examining what about faith and religion does and doesn't work for him

in general, Christian coded characters in BL and hentai follow a certain template. it's typically a corrupt nun/priest who looks the part but disregards actual faith in favor of debauchery, or it's a devout nun/priest who learns the pleasures of sex (consensually or otherwise) and stops being faithful, or it's a religion that is aesthetically Christian but the entire church is horny as fuck. the first two essentially posit sexuality and (Christian) faith as incompatible, while the third one just sidesteps the entire issue.

Olivine takes a fourth route: his narrative is about grappling with reconciling his sexuality with his faith. his church is anti-sex... but does that mean his faith has to be too? what is the relationship between organized religion and personal faith?

we see a little bit of this in Idol Fest's main story; part of the conflict is that the church is officially anti-idols, but then Olivine and Eiden discover that a lot of clergypeople are secretly Tidal Wave fans. when Olivine suggests holding the Idol Fest finals in front of the temple of water, the top officials at the church acquiesce surprisingly quickly. the church is hypocritical, and Olivine is not the only member who's been hiding desires that go against official church policy. when faced with this realization, Olivine's answer is this: then we change the church to allow us to be freer. our current doctrine need not bind us forever.

for his personal upbringing, I think it's interesting to compare Olivine's behavior to his siblings', and infer the differences between how they were raised from there. we see brief glimpses of his brother and sister in his Zest for Life and Fanciful Cappriccio rooms, and I think that his siblings seem... really carefree? they're mischievous in the way little kids often are, and I just can't imagine Olivine ever being allowed to act like that as a kid.

there's almost no chance Olivine's siblings weren't also raised religious, so we can reasonably infer that although religion had a huge influence on how Olivine was raised, it wasn't the sole reason. in fact, Olivine says in chapter 4 that his parents raised him so strictly was... because of his gemstone. more specifically:

Olivine My parents told me that my innate special powers come from the Grand Sorcerer of legend. This gemstone in my abdomen is proof of that. So, in order to show my gratitude to the God of Klein for this gift, I must devote my life... to the temple.

which I find interesting, because... it's less that the religion is inherently abusive, and more that the religion was used as an excuse to abuse him. if it wasn't religion it would've been something else. that doesn't at all absolve the church nor its doctrine, but it's a little bit more nuance to an already nuanced narrative about religious trauma, and it gives more insight into why Olivine is trying so hard to reconcile with his faith instead of throwing it all away. it was used to hurt him, but it doesn't have to be hurtful forever.

there's also how Olivine attributes elements of his path towards healing to the God of Klein. another quote from chapter 4:

Olivine As a disciple of the lord, I'm always happy to help those in need. Even our chance meeting and the events that followed - I'm sure it all happened by the guidance of the God of Klein. Eiden Your faith really is super strong! Olivine My soul has been saved. There's no reason not to have the utmost faith in the lord. Wouldn't you agree, Eiden?

it's interesting, also, that it's Eiden's actions that ultimately reaffirm Olivine's faith. if you want to be poetic about it, Eiden is Olivine's redemption.

it's not that Olivine never doubts. smearing monster cum on the gemstone altar in the hopes of destroying the temple is, uh, pretty doubtful. but there's something touching about Olivine getting the space to doubt and question and still deciding that he believes, on his own terms, in his own way. faith that has been questioned and reaffirmed is stronger than faith that is never questioned.

there's other stuff that I haven't covered because, look, I chose the subject I'm currently studying explicitly because I can't write essays for shit. but there's also interesting stuff in Olivine's belief that everyone deserves the chance to repent, the way Klein nobility performs religion without believing in faith (see: Classy Affairs, Festive Glimmer), and the absolute clusterfuck that happens in Chimes of Darkness.

#my posts #asks #murdertramp25 #nu carnival olivine #nu carnival #religious trauma cw

[fang-and-feather]

Ikemen Vampire - Jean d'Arc x Vincent van Gogh x Reader

Words: 1,132

Summary: Jean can't help but still question his feelings for these two little lights that kept coming back to illuminate his life, but he also can't help but be drawn to them

Notes: this first chapter is a little angstier than my usual due to Jean's internal conflict. I don't know what possessed me while writing this one or to even have the idea to start this in this way...

Written for Polyam Shipping Day Prompt: Conflict from @polyamships

The Jean/Vincent pairing was inspired by @koco-coko (although I vaguely remember reading something with them on AO3, back before I was even a writer for this fandom) and I've been meaning to write it for a while, hope you don't mind me going along with the idea and that I went along with a xReader triad (is it a surprise to anyone at this point?)

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist / AO3 Link

Jean had never been in love; he wasn’t sure what it felt like. But if he had to guess, that was exactly what he was feeling. He could give no other name to this.

Except that this couldn’t be love. Love was supposed to be such a pure feeling. This? This was temptation. Sin.

First sin was to fall in love with someone else’s woman.

You had been forced back through an incident; he didn’t expect you to return to what you had before, as if you had never left, but you did. What changed was for him when, by a twist of fate, Jean found himself spending a lot of time with you as you tried to teach him to write.

Vincent didn’t seem to mind so much. Although it wasn’t unusual for him to bring his sketchbook, sit at a distance and stay around until you were done. Jean felt a little guilty for taking so much of your time, but both of you were very reassuring whenever he voiced said guilt.

Then he found out what Vincent was so intently sketching. Most of his drawings were of you, but there were some of Jean himself.

Second sin was to fall in love with another man.

Vincent had already asked to paint Jean before, a little after Jean arrived at the mansion. He’d been a little insistent, until Theo got angry at Jean for continuously refusing his brother.

After the sketches, Vincent asked again, with you supporting him. And Jean couldn’t deny the two of you. Although you would say he didn’t need to, he thought it was a way he could repay you for all you were doing for him.

And that led to more time spent with both of you. And all the time spent with either of you was conflicting for Jean. You kept telling him how beautiful he was, or kind, or that he deserved forgiveness, deserved to live, and sometimes Jean caught himself wanting to believe.

Then he would realize his feelings once more, and how could he?

But was it still wrong when he wasn’t exclusively interested in him? When they would share a woman?

Probably.

Third sin was probably to fall in love with two people at the same time.

In fact, he wasn’t even sure if that was a sin, but it had to be wrong somehow. There was no way it was normal, and he would have judged it impossible had it not happened to him.

Was it so wrong, though? How could love be wrong?

Was it even love? How could a monster like him love someone?

He tried to run away then. From these questions. From your light and all its - in his mind, false - hope. He tried. But he was attracted to your light like a moth, and you reached back for him.

How could loving you be a sin, when you were so close to angels? That was how anyone would describe Vincent. And although that wasn’t attributed to you in words, they all loved you, and you were a light in everyone’s lives, helping each one of them heal from their own darkness.

But he was the one both of you chose to give your love to.

So, how could it be wrong? Would you make that choice even if it was wrong?

“Love is not a choice. Neither is it right nor wrong.” You spoke up, and Jean realized he’d asked it aloud.

“Is it another difference from your time?”

“My time is more accepting, but I won’t say it’s considered right. And maybe they’re right. Maybe it is wrong. But, as I said, it’s not a choice. Neither is it enough to condemn us.”

“I was conflicted too, when I started noticing these feelings. We’re not trying to say your views are wrong.” Vincent added. “We will understand if you don’t want to do this. But love is love, and our love is true. Never doubt that.”

Jean looked away from the two of you, with your bright, hopeful eyes and your all encompassing light, which was always too bright for him, but he couldn’t escape this time.

His gaze landed, unfortunately - or maybe fortunately, he would find out - on the painting Vincent had just presented him. The picture Jean thought looked nothing like him. Too bright. Too happy.

But Vincent said that was how he saw Jean, and doubting that would be doubting everything Vincent lived for. Because that was how Vincent painted; with that light he saw in everything.

“How do you know?”

“Because it is the same love we have for each other. I wasn’t sure it was possible, but this is the truth, and it will never change. But we’ll pretend this didn’t happen if you want to.”

“We just want to see you happy.” Vincent took one of his hands; his grip light enough for Jean to pull away if he wanted to.  “But we had to let you know. To see our side of the story.”He motioned at the painting with his other hand. “And I wanted you to see the you that we see. Beautiful, body and soul.”

This time you reached out, hand resting on his cheek, thumb wiping away a tear.

“And even if you step away now, we’ll still be your friends.” Your hand aliped down slowly, coming to rest on his chest. “We’ll protect your heart. Your light. For as long as you live. Because we’ll always love you, at the distance you deem appropriate.”

You always said such hopeful things to him, which made him feel happier every time. But now, his heart felt so full, almost overflowing with love for you.

A part of him still wanted to run and hide from all your light. All the hope. All the love he didn’t deserve, and that he wasn’t so sure it was right. Instead, he wrapped an arm around your waist, his hold on Vincent’s hand tightened, and he pulled both of you to him, then hugged you.

Maybe he was a fool for it, but he wanted to accept your love and tell you how he felt. He wanted to hope for the future by your side.

He couldn’t formulate the words right now. Maybe it would take some time before he could. But here, with you, he believed both of you had been sent into his life to give him a second chance.

Could he believe that? Could he dare hope for tomorrow? Would he really be forgiven?

Maybe he would always be conflicted like that, but you would always be there for him to reach out to whenever he had doubts. Whenever the darkness wanted to consume him again. The two people he loved more than anything.

Tag List: @tele86, @nightghoul381, @natimiles, @bicayaya, @eventinelysplayground

If you want to be tagged/untagged on future writings, you can reply to this post or send me a message

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

#PolyamShippingDay #ikemen vampire #ikevamp jean #ikevamp vincent #ot3: jean d'arc x vincent van gogh x reader #polyamory #ikevamp #fanfiction #ikevamp fanfic

[hazelnut-u-out]

episode review time....

(contains spoilers for "ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation")

let me preface this by saying i love rick and i do not want to sound like a hater lol.

i'm not even gonna pretend to be enthralled by the prospect of breaking this episode down. it was good, even great in a lot of ways, but... it broke a part of me, i think.

i feel betrayed. i feel morty's heartbreak. i really do.

it was a decent exploration of rick attempting to heal while he's not ready yet. he's not ready to move on and get better if it's going to be hard work.

...and honestly? i'm angry with him for that.

i'm angry with rick for victim blaming morty, yet AGAIN. for acting entitled to morty's forgiveness. for lying and tricking that little boy into thinking someone real cared about him.

for dragging a 14yo into something this heavy. this destructive. this reckless. this unforgiving and all-consuming.

GOD i am so sick of this. i'm all for rick's healing, but why is it being put before morty's every time? i mean... i get that there's four more seasons to go. morty has plenty of time to be given justice, but... i feel so bad for him.

i think i'm giving it a 7.5/10 after a rewatch because it really was wonderfully and realistically written.

i don't want to come across as too harsh, because i definitely do sympathize with rick. i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to break the audience. i think that's a wonderful tool of art. nor do i think protagonists have to be good. it's just a harsh reality that your beloved protagonist is destined to be the villain in the story, though, and i feel like that's what rick is fated to be for morty.

i attribute most of my negative feelings towards my morty bias and my emotional attachment to the last episode.

okay... general thoughts, as always:

-is it bad to say i prefer rick bot over real rick? because, uhhh... i do. he wove his way into my heart by the end of all of this. poor dude. he really loved his family. i kinda wished we could've kept him around.

why couldn't we?

give morty a decent grandpa challenge: go!

i think he's my new favorite rick aside from c-137. what a badass wholesome peepaw of a dude!!!

-morty loves his family so damn much, and it feels like none of them have really earned that from him. he wants his family to have a nice christmas, even if his is going to shit.

-morty crying when curtis yelled at him made me tear up.

"he's busy and i hate him!"

it's just the last little thing he needed to break down. he's a little kid who's having the worst christmas imaginable, and... no one cares about fixing that for him.

other than rick bot.

-i actually loved the moment where rick says he'll get "neurotypical cooties," and implies that neurotypicals aren't creative. casual autism rep lol.

-rick victim blaming morty once again... ugh... bro just immediately regressed.

all morty had to do was say he was "boring." rick just proved that he'd have pulled another "the vat of acid episode" if he hadn't made rick bot.

how many hurtful things do you think you've said to morty, rick? bc i can guarantee it's a million times more hurtful than anything you've ever heard come from morty's mouth. especially "boring."

tbh... i think that it might say something about his character that he didn't do that, and he chose to give morty a better grandpa instead, but also...

ouch.

i know it's a statement about how he needs to tie up his unfinished business before he can move on and really put in the work, but... morty must just feel like he's not worth the effort of apologizing.

the man that morty follwed down into that lab isn't the one who said "i'm sorry." he's not the one that said "i love you too." he's not the one who hugged morty.

the man who said those things is not the grandpa that morty chose all the way back in "solaricks."

morty is consistently willing to put the work into helping rick, but he's constantly shown that rick can't be bothered to put the effort into helping him.

-the fact that morty felt bad for yelling at rick? i just wanted to tell him that he has a right to be upset...

-notice how not one member of the family mentions morty's absence from the holiday family time? yikes...

poor little guy.

i think this is why that reveal bothered me so much... he thought someone real cared about him. he thought a real person cared about saying "i'm sorry. i love you too." to him.

but no.

-what's even more heartbreaking? he learned to care about rick bot. that was the grandpa he wanted, but he doesn't even get to choose that, anymore.

"i don't want another you!"

-bro rick just won't let up. the lightsaber bit? GOD, man. just let the kid have a moment.

-something is so comically wrong with rick's ability to create AI systems lmao. they're always so sassy and go against his orders. the garage? the car? dude... maybe rethink your stance on AI autonomy. you're giving it more freewill than you allow your grandson.

-i literally can't even be upset with morty for being angry with rick. i'm here for it. smoke his ass, lil junebug!

-poor rick bot trying to come clean to his family. that guilt sure did eat him alive :((

look at him with his girls... :(

i guess that explains his softer voice acting for last ep and this ep. he's just a completely different rick.

-it kept making me upset that rick demonized morty over and over again for trying to stick up for himself. it was really hard to watch him not even try to pretend to care about earning morty's trust, respect, and forgiveness.

he HONESTLY thinks he's entitled to it.

-MORTY!! YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BADASS!

-curtis is such an ass lmao. gay icon.

-noticed these gay lil soldiers. ship them!!

-I. LOVE. RICK. BOT.

go dude, go!! he's honestly so sweet... i'm going to genuinely, deeply mourn this character.

-haha, how cute is it that morty acts like a little adventure expert? "slowly closing door! slide!"

-poor rick bot... suicidal ass :(

-dude, morty just cannot catch a break, huh?

"i've always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, but not like this! you ruined it!"

every time i think this kid is gonna get a piece of his childhood back, it's like... nope!

-the joke about the robot with lightsabers for eyes was actually so funny.

-okay, okay... the slow motion scenes WERE hilarious. i must admit.

-it broke me when morty said he was done with forgiveness... especially to see him follow rick down to that lab just a few moments later...

will he ever stop hoping that people can be better? will he ever stop sacrificing himself to his own detriment?

one thing about morty? he's gonna try to do the right thing. the noble thing.

-ugh... poor morty... i hate the fact that this pushed him to trust rick again. i hate the fact that he had to lose rick bot.

and rick twisting the meaning of rick bot's words, too? i don't think rick bot meant for rick to offer to drag morty into this.

oh, well... i can just tell this dynamic in s7 is going to be harrowing. morty just wants to believe his grandpa can be good. i hope he can :(

-lmao why is rick essentially curtis's tech sugar daddy? slay i guess?

-this ending scene is heartbreaking. morty once again a slave to his grandpa's madness? so obviously terrified? morty's just a kid, and what an unfair choice to force him to make...

"it's going to take over your life, morty!"

"it's the most painful shit i've ever been through and i'm fucking bringing you into it, because you asked for it!"

did he ask for it...? crying and sobbing.

i am super excited for the new season, though! it seems like they're gonna be ballsy and make it hyper-serialized when in comparison to the rest of the show, which... hell yeah!!

i guess i'm both excited and anxious to see what they do to my boys, though. i really need them to heal and work together. i was really starting to hope that rick was starting to treat morty like a partner- or, at least, a kid who's feelings, wants, and needs matter just as much as his own.

just like morty to lay himself upon the altar so that rick may bathe in his blood- a fitting sacrifice. a noble end.

i'm about to custom make a tee with morty's face on it that just says: "SAVE THE BABY 2023"

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation #rick and morty spoilers

[crisiscutie]

Mother dearest...

JENOVA. The Calamity From The Skies. The "Mother" of Sephiroth.

A wonderful ramble/rant/analysis/whatever by C.C. about hers/its truly...

I've always found this lifeform to be so fascinating, and it's not because I am fond of monsters, okay my bias may have played in a role in it. Yet, what frustrates me is the lack of definition for it. The abilities of it seem so boundless, but obviously, it has some limits, which is why it was eventually defeated by the Ancients, right? But what exactly are those limits? The range of its powers is INSANE. Besides the obvious shape-shifting, it can read the memories and thoughts of almost anything, spawn monstrosities, and grant immense strength, healing factors and heightened senses to those who possess its cells, surpassing human and most other beings by several levels... How the hell was JENOVA defeated!? Then again, you might as well ask why the Black Materia exists while you're at it.

And then there are obvious questions like if JENOVA was controlling Sephiroth during the Nibelheim Incident, or if it is still sapient around the time of OG FF7/Remake even through Sephiroth at the helm...

I'm really hoping that the 7R trilogy will expand on its history and its species (if applicable). We need answers. Plenty of them. The more we learn about it, the more we learn about Sephiroth...

I'm especially hoping for the theory of JENOVA being an Omega Weapon from another planet is true because that would make a lot of sense... And I'm especially curious about how they will handle JENOVA's single line in the FF7 series in Rebirth.

This happens not long after THAT MOMENT... So how it will be portrayed? Will they get another voice actor? Use a distorted version of Aeriths voice? I will be annoyed if it's rewritten as a Sephiroth line.

Another aspect that I find interesting is how Sephiroth's perspective on it contrasts with everyone else's. Despite his intense disdain for human-like attributes such as emotions and sentiments, Sephiroth humanizes JENOVA, while others perceive it as nothing but a monster. Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm fairly certain that the only people who even refer to JENOVA with feminine pronouns are Sephiroth and his remnants.

Now, on the flip-side, Sephiroth objectifies everyone else, only using their names when necessary and discarding them like tools once they have served their purpose. When he treats someone more than a tool, then they're just a parasite waiting to be executed. It's interesting how JENOVA is ALSO a tool for him. A special one, deserving of his love and praise. It serves as an effective weapon for the obvious reasons given in the first paragraph. It also satisfies his unmet need for a maternal figure, something he had craved pretty much his whole life. He's really putting the "everything and anything" abilities of JENOVA to the test, huh? And in a twisted way, it holds some truth, just like there is always an element of truth in Sephiroth's web of deceit. And I bet he empathized with it too when learning of his "origins". Being a monster that was used and locked away, similar to himself...

But anyway, Ignoring JENOVA would be like ignoring Sephiroth since it's so integral to his character. Especially when you consider he literally becomes one with at some point in the games. It played a significant role in shaping the Crisis Cutie we adore and love! It's who he is.

Also fun fact: I'm pretty sure that red-pink glow in the Rebirth logo are definitely JENOVA'S eyes.

#sephiroth #final fantasy 7 #ff7 sephiroth #ff7 #crisis cutie #jenova #ffvii rebirth #ffvii #ffviir #c.c's theories

[dragon-chica]

Kent the Siren - Fluff Alphabet Part 3

Fandom: Wednesday

I am writing such fluffy things tonight and Kent is my muse.

Zzz – How do they act when they get sleepy? How is it sleeping in the same bed?: When he gets tired he goes brain dead. You'll notice him getting sleepy and try to get his attention and he's just out of it, very groggy like it is way past his bed time.

Kent is pretty big so he tends to take up a good chunk of your bed. He usually sleeps on his side and doesn't move much, but if you cuddle up to him his arm will wrap around you and he'll nuzzle closer.

Due to his aquatic attributes, despite being big and muscled, his temperature runs cool, so he's very comfortable to snuggle even in the summer. He's not cold, and will still warm you up if you need it, but you wont overheat.

Update brought to you by @crispinablr:

You've had to fight for your place of cuddles before, as Kent is so used to cuddling his ginormous teddy bear that if he goes to bed before you, he will be content to sleep firmly holding the bear instead.

[Picture of you laying awake, Kent soundly asleep beside you]: 'Ah yes, me, my boyfriend, and his 5 foot tall stuffed bear Gilmore.'

Tend – How do they act when you’re hurt or sick, and vice versa?: He's A Little Confused But He's Got The Spirit. Kent doesn't know how to take care of you very well, especially if you're a different species, but he tries his best. Do you heal fast? Do you need medicine? If you're too out of it to answer him then he'll bombard Divina for answers. Takes all of her advice (which also may not be that great, even if she is confident in it, who knows what your species needs anyway??) and gets an A for effort.

Being a Siren he doesn't get sick often, and if he does it's usually not that bad, but if you decide he needs to lay in bed and be fed soup (inter-species care while no one thinks to use google), then he wont complain. Even if he is a little confused. Denies all further "Care" if you trick him into taking cough medicine.

When he's hurt though he loves for you to baby him. When Thing took him out his ego was more hurt than anything, the day sucked. But then you were worried and started doting on him? making sure he was okay and carefully kissing him better? He's all for it. Soaks up the attention while the others roll their eyes and say he's fine.

Romance – How romantic are they? What are their go-to ways of being romantic?: He's very sweet but not exactly romantic. He likes taking you on fun dates like the beach, or fair, or a party. (Don't worry he wouldn't abandon you, but definitely wants to impress you with things like a keg stand or beer pong 🙄) If he does take you on a sweeter date it's probably an idea from one of his friends or your friend that he asked for help.

He sings to you a lot! Kent has a beautiful voice and you love it, he doesn't think a whole love of it, being a siren he enjoys singing anyway, but you light up listening to him. Will definitely take song requests.

If you're going on a date he almost always brings you flowers. Movies always show flowers so he figures that's a great place to start, so he brings some every single time. It may be a bouquet, or some non-lethal flowers from Thornhill's that he grabbed in a rush. The little old florist lady in Jericho adores him.

Melt – What do you do that absolutely makes them melt?: Hold his face in your hands! You decided to try cupping his cheeks and just see what he would do, and he just melted into you. He loves it and leaned into you.

Listen to him, he says some dumb shit at times, often doesn't understand what's going on, but you listen to whatever he's thinking and explain if needed, and he appreciates that. Also when he's doing something that's obviously going to be a bad idea but you let him do it. He's having fun and you just accept seeing the consequences instead of damage control.

Nicknames – What do they call you, and what are their favorite things to be called?: It may be simple but he likes to call you Babe and Baby. Also Starfish, which he tried making as a sweet nickname that didn't really make any sense.

"Because you're a star! And...not a fish, and you're not a fish." He got kind of perplexed on that but you kissed him and told him it's cute, so it stuck.

He loves when you call him petnames, Baby, Cutie, give him some sea ones too, even if they're goofy. Pearl, "My gorgeous merman", You called him a Hunk once as a joke and he preened. Doesn't understand what Himbo means but you told him it's a good thing and he's happy with it. Everyone agreed on it too.

Obvious – How obvious do they make it that they like you?: Painfully obvious. He tried showing off whenever you were in sight, singing louder, flexing if the situation allowed it, taking the nearest mirror the check how he looked if he knew you were coming. Tried so hard to be smooth when talking to you, even his Siren Charm had trouble making him look good, but he was cute making a fool of himself, wasn't he?

#Kent the Siren x reader #Kent the Siren imagine #Kent x reader #Kent imagine #Wednesday x reader #Wednesday imagine #my stuff #Kent the Siren

[streettealee]

Personally, I don't really like the idea of James having to forgive Grace or anyone thinking that he does and needs to/will at some point.

Characters can be redeemed by the narrative, but that doesn't mean all characters need to forgive them. I do think some of the attitude toward Grace turned quite assholey during ChoT, but James was impacted in a huge way by her. There's a difference between accepting what has happened to him, thereby making peace with himself (who else is guilty of beating themselves up by remembering negative experiences in an endless replay cycle and wondering why it happened or how else it could have gone so you could have avoided it or certain aspects of it?), and forgiveness. You can accept an event happened, or in some cases, a person happened, but that doesn't mean you forgive them or condone or excuse their actions. You simply acknowledge within yourself that you don't need to keep beating yourself up over it and even if things could have gone a hundred different ways, it happened the way it did and there's no changing the past.

Sometimes, we think we've made peace and then an experience comes back to haunt us weeks, months, years later, maybe even decades, and often without much warning. And you're left reeling, lost, wondering what's wrong with you "because I thought I was over this?" You could have undergone incredible healing, but suddenly you're trembling like a leaf in the wind again, short of breath, unable to sleep, unable to think, unable to feel, reduced to a robotic sort of state that a lot of people might not notice you're in. You keep thinking of a situation. It comes over and over, no matter how much you try to block it out, tell yourself you're okay with it now, there's no other way it could have been and you're done.

James Herondale has gone through trauma. I recognise that even canon didn't address it very well. Hell, I don't think even I can do it, but I'm trying where fanfic allows. I've seen others attempt it too, which is something, and more than CC did on the whole. I think some of us need to step back and realise that just because we like characters, it doesn't mean characters need to like or forgive each other. A redeemed antagonist's past does not disappear. Things aren't neatly tied up with a bow. I've done things I'm not proud of to people who didn't deserve an ounce of it, and I have to live with that guilt, and remember that they don't need to forgive me. They definitely don't. Just as I wouldn't forgive some of the people who did wrong by me in life, who leave me for periods of time a shell of a human being.

James doesn't need to forgive Grace. It wouldn't surprise me if, years down the track of his fictional life, he began suffering nightmares of a demon on his back, claws in, again, struggling to pry it off. If he saw silver bracelets and skipped hastily over them immediately because he doesn't want to think too deeply about the doors it might open. If he avoids the area around the ruined Blackthorn Manor or compulsively visits there, trying to unite his past self with who he is now. If he felt mostly indifferent just days ago but suddenly can't think about Grace without imagining methods of revenge, memories of time spent together tinted by bitterness, can't look her in the eye for weeks at gatherings.

James could say he does not blame Grace to ease her mind on one of his better days, but it is unrealistic, in my view, to believe he truly forgives her even if he's accepted what happened. A part of him might always blame her, be despairing at her, because of the years he lost because of her. He can know it was Tatiana's commands, her influence, but it doesn't remove the fact that Grace carried these things out and was the face James attributed to his pain. James can be okay, and still suddenly experience it all again years down the track, and Grace being redeemed does not mean he has to forgive her or never blame her. So long as he doesn't act out of malice or cause some intentional harm to her, James is justified. He does not need to forgive.

I hope all of that made sense. Most of this was just rambling thought.

#james herondale #grace blackthorn #tlh #the last hours #chain of thorns #trauma #forgiveness #or lack thereof

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Ya know what tbqh I'm having a lot more fun interacting with SJM since deciding to hash tag stan tamlin but also what grinds my gears!?!? What butters my fucking croissants!?!?!

Tamlin has HOBBIES.

No no. Seriously. I have a point. Listen:

We know the following pieces of information about the Spring Court/Tamlin in ACOTAR: Most of the government falls squarely on Tamlin's shoulders because most of the old guard and the former sentries are dead, because they left the Spring Court to search for a "cure." He and Lucien actively patrol their borders and hunt for monsters that threaten humans and faeries alike. Taxes are collected once a year via the Tithe, but Tamlim absolishes the Tithe during Amarantha's rule. There are no cities. There is almost no distinction in the Court between High Fae and "lesser fae." He was a victim of abuse via his father and two much older brothers. Human slaves used to be common, but Tamlin finds his family history abhorrent and considers himself a protector type. He personally took Lucien to another Court for healing after Amarantha damaged his eye in a way that Tamlin himself could not fix. A faerie dies in his living room and Tamlin personally buries him. Tamlin takes refugees from other courts. The most important holiday is Calanmai, wherein Tamlin sacrifices his bodily autonomy and gets possessed by a god (?) in order to generate magic during the changing of seasons. He can be grouchy but he has a sense of humor; he writes silly poems for fun and plays music well enough that Feyre thinks he could make an actual career of it.

A lot of this gets re-conned, re-framed as "conservative" and sometimes actively ignored in order to attribute more positive qualities to Rhys - who in ACOTAR, is shown to be a manipulative liar who commits murder for fun and drugs/assaults Feyre. Tamlin clearly suffers from PTSD in ACOMAF but his symptoms are not "noble" or cute like Feyre. The narrative postulates that while Feyre needs to learn that she's worthy of love and freedom and that her dark past doesnt define her, Tamlin needs to be "redeemed" because his trauma is not as important or as valid as hers, and he can't be worthy of help until he repents for his "crime" of acting in ways that are - from his perspective- completely logical, and based in genuinely good/loving intentions.

In ACOWAR, Feyre states that she begins implanting/altering the memories of Tamlin in other people's heads to make them abandon him. She also steals a gift (presumably, a gift from Rhys to Tamlin) because she doesn't feel he deserves it, and contemplates burning down the rose garden which is pretty much all Tamlin has left of his mother.

This... does not make me hate Tamlin in the slightest. I read these books and actively struggle to hate him the way the narrative wants because everything about him is legitimately just tragic and pitiable.

While all this goes on the narrative goes on to reposition Rhysand - the guy who caused a lot of the main heroine trauma - as the best guy who ever lived. He's cruel to be kind, deeply misunderstood and hurting in silence. A martyr whose pain is just like the heroine's, who is an immortal ancient warrior king more powerful than any other person in the world but still somehow the narrative equal of a barely literate 20 year old woman. That sure is a choice and ya know what fine, whatever, I accept that this is the story I'm reading. But back to my earlier point:

What hobby does Rhysand have other than sex and fighting?

Answer me. Quickly.

The retcons with Tamlins character are annoying on their own because SJM clearly thinks her audience is too stupid to remember book one of her own series. But it's especially annoying for me given that Rhysand is a boring mouthpiece for the author to moralize her faerie books. As a character he's incredibly bland. There's nothing about him that's compelling because everything "bad" that he does is justified and righteous, and he can't be challenged or hurt because that would make Feyre (the other author mouthpiece) very sad. :(

Anyway remember to stan tamlin, send tweet.

#anti sjm #tamlin #anti rhysand #im so bored of feysand they are the most boring insufferable fucking couple

[defilerwyrm]

Thank you for posting so authentically and tbh poetically about your transition. I was wondering if you have any gems of wisdom to share about your total hysto.. I was born with a malformed uterus (it is bicornuate) I've always had problems from it and I just want it gone. How was the process? And healing? How has the removal affected you in the years after? I appreciate you bro.

Heya, first off, sorry for taking so long to reply, and thank you! It’s been really rewarding to get to share my experience with others, answer questions, and hopefully dispel some myths. Bottom surgeries for trans men & trans mascs are too often maligned or erased and I’m grateful for the opportunity to fight against that with facts and experience.

The process was kind of funny. The admission and all such were your typical surgery stuff. They kept me overnight in the hospital pumping me full of saline with two jolly nurses watching over me. More or less every hour I woke up needing to piss like a racehorse, and the nurses would gently make fun of my woozy attempts to get up in these marvelous Georgia accents while helping me do so and disconnecting me from the drip, and I’d shuffle off to pee like half a liter (like…literally). This pattern continued until I was able to pass a certain threshold of how much I peed at one time. The purpose of this was to make sure my bladder was working correctly. After that, they let me sleep a bit and then I was released.

Before the surgery I had asked my surgeon if I could see the parts she was taking out, so she took photos for me of my insides during surgery and the whole kit & caboodle after it was removed, and printed them out on nice glossy paper for me. I was frankly astounded by how tiny the uterus actually is. Diagrams make it look like it’s the size of both hands put together or something but it would have easily fit in the palm of one! Also my liver is kinda cute. I still want to frame those photos.

I went home and mostly slept in a recliner a lot for the first couple of weeks. I wore sweatpants and kept an ice buddy (a penguin full of rice my friends got me) on my belly much of the time. I am pretty good at staying ahead of the pain with my meds without taking it more frequently than is safe, so I was only really a little sore and very, very sleepy. Bathing was a matter of wet wipes and dry shampoo for a while. I think I was off work for somewhere between four and eight weeks, and once I was past the first two or so, I spent a lot of time still in the recliner with the ice buddy, but this time binge-watching Critical Role and playing Stardew Valley. My cats stayed as close to me as they could the whole time. I think 4 weeks after the fact I was more or less fine.

Shortly after my spay, I started having hot flashes: since mine was a total hysterectomy (they removed the uterus, both ovaries—which, sure enough, turned out to be absolutely riddled with cysts—and the cervix), my estrogen level went from low to fuck-all, so I basically went through Menopause Lite. The hot flashes weren’t miserable. They were just stretches of time when I looked around and went “Is it just me or is it hot in here all of a sudden? Is the A/C on?” and it was, in fact, just me. Those came and went for maybe 3 months.

(A note for cis women and for trans/nb guys who aren’t on T: I attribute the mildness of my menopause symptoms to the fact that PCOS and HRT were already suppressing my estrogen production. If you have “normal” estrogen levels, there is a non-zero chance that yours will be worse. Ask your doctor for more info about this. If you don’t have your ovaries removed, you won’t go through this in the first place.)

Obviously I am now forever free of the misery of menstruation and the unacceptable risk of becoming pregnant. Both of those things are extremely awesome and I love them forever. Being sterile fucking rules! I’ve wanted this since I was 6 years old and no one can ever take it away from me! \:D/

This last section is about peeing so it goes under a cut!

The one and only downside is that I need to pee, like, all the time. Granted, the fact that I drink about a gallon of water every day does have a lot to do with that. But I’ve found that the sensation of needing to piss urgently comes a lot sooner than it used to. On a normal day, with me sitting here guzzling sweet, unchlorinated, high-quality well water all the time, I have to hit the head every 1-2 hours. If I stop drinking liquids about an hour or two before a road trip I can make a 3-hour drive without needing a pit stop. I asked my mom and a friend, both of whom have also had hysterectomies, if they go through this too, and they confirmed that yeah they do need to pee a lot more frequently than before the surgery. Just, y’know, not as often as I do because they’re not drinking 3-5 L of water daily.

The upside to THAT, actually, is if I need to wake up early, I can just drink a glass of water before going to sleep and I am guaranteed an early wake-up. I am an extremely deep sleeper, much to my own detriment—except where my bladder is concerned.

An odd little thing I’ve found, since my uterus is no longer helping to control where my bladder sits in my torso, is that how I urinate is a little different. Before, it was just the normal muscle movements I’d been doing all my life. Now, I find that urine comes in “waves”: it starts out normal, but then—it’s hard to explain, but I use a slightly different sort of muscle movement, a Kegel type thing, to…it feels like repositioning my bladder a little(???), and then I can feel the rest of the urine pouring down to my ureter, and then it’s normal pissing again. I mean…I’m just guessing at what’s actually going on in there based on what I can feel happening, so I could be off, who knows. It’s a little strange, but it’s not at all painful or anything, it’s just a neutral thing.

I very strongly recommend starting Kegel exercises as soon as you can if you plan on getting a hysterectomy, if you’re not doing them already. These can go a long way to making sure you don’t have problems with incontinence afterward. They were a standard part of my daily life for quite a few years leading up to my spay and so far so good.

#ftm #hysterectomy #bottom surgery #transgender #though tbh most of this is perfectly valid for cis women too! #queerdom #trans matters #replies to things

[thinkpink212]

A Little Life Update

Hello Lovelies, Life took its turn, but it was not all bad. I had to close some chapters, end some relationships and, most importantly, truly sit with myself, and honestly look at my life. I was going in many directions, but none led me to where I wanted to go. I let fear, doubt, and the fact that things were not easy or simply done for me, pull me down under. Now, as I have gone through my emotions, rather than fighting them, I am ready to take this thing called life a little more seriously ( not too much tho #EasySoftLife4Ever )

I had many ambitions, dreams, and goals, but continued to waver between them, still bound by the idea that you should pick one and stick to it. In reality, I had to acknowledge and nurture the curiosity I naturally have, as well as my desire to do & be many things at once. With having ADHD I know much of what I have struggled with can be attributed to that, as well as the future struggles I'll continue to face with such a disability. But it is what it is, and I have made peace with life being chaotic on occasion. I'll swim with the currents when possible, and float when the waves are too mighty, rather than ignore the ebbs and flows that come with being neurodiverse.

By deciding that I want more out of life than the mundane, simple, and cyclical, I'll be doing everything in my power to live my many lifetimes within my lifespan.

Firstly, I decided to remake an art account for my art - feel free to check it out at TheVampireArchive on Instagram, but note that it features more alternative art as my aesthetic is quite multifaceted. The original reasons I deleted it are irrelevant because that version of me has mourned what was and what could have been. Now, I am ready to prove to her that we can become the artists I hoped to become. As many people rooted for me then, I hope I can root for myself and be gentle & patient in my growth.

Secondly, I have decided to seek to open my own LMT practice and give myself the proper space to do what I do best - healing and helping others through massage. My current position is at a typical burn-out center for newly licensed therapists and those who fear taking the full leap. I feel overworked, underappreciated, and underpaid - something that will not happen when I am my own boss. It'll take more funds than I currently have, but I will do everything in my power to make it happen.

Thirdly, I am revisiting all of my dreams of a soft life, with minimal stress, enough free time for my hobbies, and financial stability. All of which are more attainable than I allow myself to believe. Once again, I just need to get past my fear of failing and allow the possibility of succeeding to fuel me forward. I have many projects I want to work on, and choosing where to start is slightly overwhelming but allowing myself to simply write them down in my "things I want to do" section is already a big step. It all takes dedication, effort, time, and patience, and I am ready to give myself all of that. I am also ready to allow myself to give up when days feel hard without shaming f of or when I feel ready to return.

I hope you are all doing well, being kind to yourselves, celebrating the small wins, and continuing to thrive in your own ways! I have lots of content in-store for this page so stay tuned.

Cheers to growth, to self-forgiveness, to never giving up and to following our dreams. There is a reason why we desire the things we desire, so to the path of least resistance. To success

#thinkpink perosnal #life update #thinkpink thoughts #thinkpink upload #lifestyle #advice #motivation #soft black woman

[animeyanderelover]

Hi❤️ May I request headcanons for yandere Levi, Eren, Kaneki, Tanjirou, Zenitsu, Giyu Tomioka, Tengen and Yushiro with a diabetic reader?

There are type 1 and 2 of diabetes so I covered both aspects, though the treatment for both is in aspects basically the same. I would also like to say right now that I am by no means an expert so correct me if I’m wrong.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusions, manipulation, clinginess, overprotective behavior, control, monitoring, stalking, abduction

Diabetic s/o

Eren Yeager

👊​His lack of knowledge for your condition frustrates Eren beyond belief as he has no real idea what this term means the first time he's being told. Instantly asks around in his circle of friends and your own relatives what exactly diabetes is and how he can help. There's a snappy tone in his voice as he does so, his iritation about the lack of help he can give getting to him. Chances are that he ends up pestering the doctor who supervises you in a rather aggressive tone before he finally demands from you a thorough explanation. Eren literally can't have a peace of mind unless he at least has grasped the basic picture and even then he still struggles to comprehend which puts him in a bad mood. He's highly protective and almost pissed that diabetes is something permanent instead of something that can be healed completely. Initially his s/o might think that he blames them for having it but he forces himself to calm down to assure you that he isn't angry at you, just mad that it had to be you.

👊​The Yeager is forced to rely on a lot more help than he'd like even if he knows that it's the best for your health and that those people have been helping you for years now. Something annoys him deeply though, resonating from his possessive and especially overprotective attributes. He tries to absorb as much as he can and some things he is able to adapt properly. He manages to learn what food you can eat to keep your blood sugar and cholesterol in target ranges and stay at a healthy weight and makes sure that you consume what is high in protein and low in fat. He helps you with your physical exercise, insists on coming with you and he remembers what pills you have to need. There are things he can't really help you with though as he still struggles to understand them or simply can't help you with since he is no expert. Monitoring your blood many times a day is still difficult for him to do and if you need insulin therapy, he's out.

👊​Eren becomes really overbearing, especially when he hears what diabetes problems can be if they aren't properly prevented. He's paranoid when he hears that heart diseases or a nerve damage can happen to someone with diabetes. You're already following your diet and exercise schedules yet Eren turns downright controlling and wants to monitor your every meal and exercise to make really sure you do everything to help you. Always tags along if you visit your doctor and go over your condition, has a hawk eye on you whenever you are injected with insulin, doesn't seem to fully trust those who do their best to help you. He is even more short-tempered than he normally is, his frustration clearly building up because there is nothing that can heal you and he lets his frustrations more than just once out on people around him. Sometimes he snaps even at you when you stray a bit from your plan though he instantly apologizes.

👊​There is a insecure part inside of him though. Eren feels helpless, lacking the experience and professionalism to be of much help and even if you tell him that his support is enough, he doesn't. There is so much he keeps inside of him. He's paranoid and afraid what might happen to you and angry that you had to be diagnosed with diabetes and he doesn't know where to direct this anger exactly. He isn't fond to have so many people around you yet knows that they're more suited to help you than he and that hurts him yet he's too possessive to leave you. He stores up his emotions as Eren is initially unwilling to tell you, always brushes your worried questions of. Eventually he has a small meltdown in front of you though as he nearly yells out his feelings, frustration audible and tears in his eyes as he crumbles emotionally shortly down in front of you. He's even more smothering after exposing his vulnerable side to you, becomes very touchy once you two are alone to reassure you and him that it'll be fine.

Levi Ackerman

⚔️​The man grew up in an environment of dirt and sickness, his own mother died because of starvation and illness so he'd probably have a broader knowledge. He connects diabetes to a problem with blood sugar that requires a special treatment such as a diet and exercise and that's about it. He's troubled with it when he finds out, not because it annoys him or anything but more because it triggers his protective side. There's no one to really blame for this and so he feels no resentment though he also sometimes feels frustrated that it had to be you from all people who suffers from it. Instantly goes out his way to learn more about it and he goes directly to whoever treats you at the moment and demands a sort of lesson. He asks your parents and your friends who have experience and ends up buying a pile of books about diabetes which he binges in a short amount of time. He suffers from insomnia as it is so at least he puts those hours meant to sleep to good use by doing something for you.

⚔️​Some things are relatively easy to understand for him. He quickly remembers food you should and shouldn't eat but makes just in case a list he has somewhere in the kitchen. Levi would rather stick to exactly that even if apparently some sugary food once in a while is okay as long as consumed in the right amount. His kitchen is filled with ingredients such as carrots, peppers, apples, eggs and whatever is healthy for you. Everything with too much fat or sugar is removed from his meals as he simply adapts your own diet, it's healthier anyways. Your exercise plan is easy to follow as well though he is very nitpicking so he probably starts chiding you if you still have a few seconds less. Might even exercise with you, your life style overall is healthy so he ends up adopting it pretty much. Has you cleaning the house with him as the clean freak he is, scolding you that you should see it as some sort of exercise yourself to burn some blood sugar.

⚔️​The man reaches a hurdle when it comes to monitoring blood or your insulin therapy at first but determined to learn to help. Differently from Eren, he accepts the fact that others can help you better and will always be needed in your life. Your health is top priority and if it means that he has to put up with some people so be it. You've known them for years so he thinks it's fine to put some trust into them. Wants to be supervised and corrected the first few times when he takes a blood sample to monitor your blood sugar, constantly informs himself how food, stress and hormones can change the level of sugar inside your blood. The biggest step is probably insulin for him since he doesn't fully know how to inject it and where he is supposed to press into so that's the only thing that he lets the doctor handle since you need it, especially if you're type 1. He's strict on himself, says that he only wants to move in with you when he knows how to treat your diabetes.

⚔️​Levi is petty and he has a reason to be, throws glares and rude comments at anyone who tries to tempt you to stray for even a short time from your schedule since it could lead to serious health issues. Whilst he is overbearing in his own rights, he doesn't fear that you might go against your health plan if he doesn't do since you should know best what happens elsewise. He trusts you enough with that. Ends up going through the entire list of diabetes problems someone might develop and it doesn't really ease his nerves when he reads something about strokes and kidney diseases. He doesn't want to be overly paranoid but as soon as you are acting even a bit sick he instantly is next to you, checks your blood sugar and drags you afterwards to a doctor just to be sure. Levi keeps quiet about his own worries regarding your diabetes most of the time to not worry you, appears sometimes lost in thoughts. He is honest if he notices that you think he holds it against you with reassuring words.

Ken Kaneki

🔲​For Kaneki this just calls huge troubles since he's paranoid and wants to keep his darling to himself to protect them yet is is very clear that he can't do that. He possesses some fraction of common sense to be aware that he could never be a good substitute for a doctor, especially considering that he has beyond the basic knowledge of diabetes, no clue. And it absolutely kills him on the inside. He feels pretty useless since he can't do more for his darling and ends up pushing himself harshly. He skips sleep as he spends hours browsing through the internet and reads numerous articles and tips how to take care of someone with diabetes, watches documentaries and chances are that he breaks into the office of your doctor to read through the files concerning you. Feels so sorry for you, it shouldn't have been you to suffer from diabetes and even if you look fine, he fears you aren't. His mentality is put under a heavy strain as he has to endure more than he can take.

🔲​As someone who doesn't require human food anymore, he stores his shelves full with vegetables, fruits, grains and whatever he can get his hands on. He is constantly worried that he might mess up, checks all the ingredients and the receipes multiple times before he finally starts chopping and preparing a meal for you. He doesn't venture outside of what you've always had prepared the past few years, additionally worried that it won't taste good and since he feels sick when eating human food, he can't make sure of it. He realizes painfully that he can't have you do nothing as he knows that a daily exercise is important yet tries to design a room to work out in. Always watches when you exercise out of fear that you might accidentally hurt yourself. You don't limit yourself only to the house though so eventually he takes you out of the apartment to exercise in a more peaceful area where he still accompanies you. There is no chance that he allows you to go outside if he isn't with you in the first place.

🔲​He can't take your doctor away from you since he's an important figure in your life. Technically it isn't Kaneki's fault since he never studied medicine yet there is a pressuring guilt inside of him since he feels like he isn't helping, no matter how much he does. Kaneki feels not like he's really needed in your life and it gets to him, he probably cries when he feels overwhelmed in his sensitive and emotional state. Yet he tolerates it since he can't help you as much as he'd like when it comes to monitoring your blood sugar or with your insulin therapy. If you have an insulin pump he ends up checking countless times a day if it's still attached and working but his heart hurts when he sees the device. It's unfair that you have to go through all of this. Prone to crumbling down in front of you since he has too much blame, anger and sadness and directs it most of the time against himself. Asks around in his surroundings if someone could additionally help you, still feeling like the treatment isn't enough.

🔲​That's how he ends up approaching Kimi who is a medical student and asks her if she could help you as well, he probably begs if she hesitates. Eventually he learns what can happen if diabetes isn't prevented with the right treatment and some of the stuff he reads makes him nauseous as he fears that it will happen to you. The male ends up reading from there on too much into every little sign you give of as he instantly fears that you might suffer from too high or too low levels of blood sugar, drags you instantly to the doctor or calls Kimi to check on you and help you. He appears to be constantly under stress as he is constantly paranoid that something might happen to the point where he can't sleep properly anymore and spends hours watching you. Gladly discards his own health like this though if it means that you're fit and happy though his weakened state makes him even more prone to his emotions. Despite all of this he never strays away as you are his happiness, his everything in this world.

Kamado Tanjiro

❤️​As the oldest child of the family and in consideration of his nurturing and protective side, he has most likely experience to nurture someone who is ill. He also lived in the countryside and was due to that a bit more isolated so there is a solid chance that he doesn't know what diabetes is the first time he hears it. He sort of senses that it's something that troubles you a bit so he's quick to ask around what diabetes is. As he gets to know more, he starts feeling more protective over his darling and is also worried that it might burden them deep down, even if they deny it he would still be able to smell it if they're secretly sometimes sad. From the beginning on very honest, he clarifies to you from a very early point on that you should never feel like bothering him with your condition as your health and happiness are from utmost importance to him. He plans to support you and take care of you from now on as well though not hesitant to ask others for help if he needs it.

❤️​It's relatively easy for him to create a good relationship with parents and friends due to his sincere and honest nature, not to mention the fact that he obviously cares about you a lot. He learns from your parents and your doctor what aliment you can consume and what isn't healthy for you. Starts preparing meals for you at one point and makes sure to always buy ingedients that you and your parents might need. When he isn't on any missions or trains, he makes sure to help as much around the house as he can since he wants to be as helpful as he can be. He even tells your parents to take rest and let him handle the chore as he expresses his gratitude multiple times to them for all they do for you, same for your doctor. Wants to accompany you during your daily exercise as he is almost like a cheerleader, encouraging you to hold through until the end. He exercises a lot so he tries to introduce you to some of his training though he considers that you are no Demon Slayer.

❤️​Tanjiro finds himself sometimes still overwhelmed with some of the medical terms and treatment that is thrown his way. The boy is nothing short of stubborn to understand it as well though. There is sometimes a bit confused look on his face when you're blood sugar level is being tested and it only deepens when the doctor explains it to him though with time he starts understanding more about it. He seems to not be bothered that some things he can simply never do as good as others, especially if you need insulin as part of your therapy. If you need to take any sort of pills, he's always willing to get them for you. If he's with you, he most likely makes it his habit to carry around a little asset of things in case something happens. Always asks you if you have eaten your meal, remembered to exercise, taken your pill and if you feel well. If he is gone for a period of time, he is even more thorough with his questions since he's always concerned something might happen to you.

❤️​If you aren't feeling well or he realizes that you show a potential sign that something with your blood sugar isn't right, he instantly wants a test before coaxing you into visiting the doctor. Tanjiro just wants to be really sure that you're fine. When he introduces you to his friends, he makes sure to explain to them your situation as good as he can though Inosuke probably still won't understand it and Tanjiro has to end up apologizing a few times for his friend's rough exterior. Very honest with his feelings so whenever he feels a bit worried about your condition because something happened, he tells you. Tanjiro still is mindful to make sure that you don't feel like you're a burden to him. Accepts the situation very quickly as he understands that there is no one to blame and that he can only try his best to help you with your treatment and support you through everything. There might be no way to completely cure you but he will still make sure that you're as happy and loved as possible.

Agatsuma Zenitsu

⚡​Zenitsu truly has a great start with you as he discovers to his absolute horror that he doesn't understand much of your condition besides what every bystander knows. It leads him to his first rant of apologies where he already goes on about how he shouldn't be with you and that he might end up killing you before he calms down after a few minutes. He is left discouraged though so his s/o has to comfort him and encourage him that even they had to adjust to everything in the beginning and that he can learn. If he notices that you are sad because you think that he doesn't want to be with you because you have diabetes, he's instantly back to ranting that he's sorry for making you upset before switching over to promising that he'll do his best to learn everything he can to help you. Even with his low self-esteem, Zenitsu is determined to improve since he wants to treat you right. Let him sparkle in determination like this for a while before he calms down.

⚡​Extremely apologetic though so every time he gets something wrong, he instantly apologizes as he panics. He's with time better informed about what could happen if you suffer from your blood sugar so he takes mistakes especially heavy to his heart. How can he be a good boyfriend if he can't even remember what food is good and healthy to you? He might end up killing you by accident! Oh, he is a horrible person! There is this period of time where he seemingly lets everyone else handle everything as he feels discouraged and insecure, thinking that he can't do anything for you after all. With time he learns to push through, correcting his mistakes instantly and learning from it instead of dropping everything and stepping back. There is still a ton of apologies from his side. His determination to be better for you help him to continue though until he's confident enough to get you your food himself and exercise with you where he tries to show off somewhat.

⚡​The only obstacles he still has is taking tests to monitor your blood sugar and, if you need it, insulin. Those are things he just can't seem to be able to do. Even if you tell him that it's fine since you know how to monitor your blood alongside with your parents and friends and that injecting insulin into your body is the job of the doctor, it doesn't wash away his emotions which seemingly spill all the time. Truth be told, he can't even really look when someone injects you with a syringe. The yellow-haired boy looks more in pain than you do, usually kisses the spot where you were pricked. Whilst he reacts more than just one time overly loud and dramatic, there are times where he seriously looks down as he wonders if he really is the right choice. He feels pathetic for his behavior, believes that your parents must wish for a better partner than him who can help you better with your diabetes. Bottles up his emotions inside of him since he doesn't want to be more of a weakling and nuisance to you or your parents.

⚡​Your condition is more important than his pathetic state so he never wants to talk with you about it, holding onto his belief that he'll just pressure you with unnecessary things. Instead he focuses solely on you as he still has to learn more and be better when it comes to ensure that you live a good and healthy life. Zenitsu pushes himself mentally more and it takes a toll on his nerves sometimes since he can very easily overthink. When you finally manage to have a serious talk with him and confess that he already gives you so much support by being with you, he finally opens the lid to his emotions and admits his insecurities in a gloomy way. After that talk he feels freshly motivated though, the knowledge that you love him and want him giving him new energy. If he can't help with everything in your therapy, he'll just focus to make you happy as much as he can whilst also protecting you. The type to make a fool out of himself to make you happy.

Tomioka Giyu

🌊​Giyu keeps most of the time a very stoic expression on his face yet it doesn't stop him from feeling concerned since he doesn't know how he is supposed to treat someone with diabetes. There is the lack of deeper knowledge about it in general but he seems reasonable enough to know that he can learn. Tries to ask Shinobu if she knows more since she's a friend of his and manages to buy a few books about the topic. The Pillar is aware that he has to leave his comfort zone though as this alone won't cut it if he wants to be a good partner. So eventually he tries to break a bit out of his reversed shell and approaches people closer to you who've dealt with your diabetes for a while now. Very pragmatic as he just listens, observes and asks something when he didn't understand something before he finishes the conversation. His lack to know how to converse with someone he isn't really close to shines through, especially since those are people close to you Giyu worries what they think of him.

🌊​Almost a bit relieved as he learns some things really fast such as the recommended food for your healthy diet and your daily exercise schedule. As the Water Hashira he has his missions where he ends up leaving you alone for a longer time and he spends a surprisingly long time to go through your schedules with you so you don't forget anything. When he isn't with you and has free time to think, he probably goes in his mind through everything he has learnt so far from your therapy. The food you can eat, how much you need to exercise a day and when you do your training. Feels bad whenever he returns after a mission, mildly worried that in the time he was away something happened. It becomes a small habit that he ends up buying groceries you need and like whenever he visits you after a longer absence. When Giyu can be with his s/o, he usually spends his time helping them to cook, exercising and taking walks with them. It's healthy for you and relaxing for him.

🌊​Monitoring your level of blood sugar is something he'd rather let you or others handle initially, at first rather focusing on aspects he knows that he can learn quicker. He assists you though if you need his help to measure your blood sugar as he listens to your explanation and does as you tell him to do. He manages to know when you have low or high blood sugar though since he knows what your ideal range is. Something he knows he probably can never fully help you with are your insulin shots though, he lacks the profession to prescribe you the stuff, not to mention that there are different varients. Giyu acknowledges that he can't do anything for you though, he's no doctor who knows what pills or insulin might help you to prevent any troubles with your diabetes. He probably has Shinobu as a standby since she has medical knowledge herself, just in case if something happens and she's closer than your regular provider.

🌊​Even with his aloof expression he never really gives his darling the feeling that he is annoyed with something. He's patient and understanding with pretty much everything, senses when you're stressed with something and suggests for you two to take a walk and talk it out since it might affect your blood sugar. Starts to learn how to cook for you in case you're unable to do so and he adapts to your diet quickly, eats the meals even if he wouldn't call them his favorites. He appears so serene but Giyu is still very protective, especially with you so he keeps a sharper eye on you. Especially when you show signs of lower or higher blood sugar or any unwanted troubles of diabetes he is quick to get you an appointment with the doctor to remove difficulties before they fully begin. His own worries he'd rather keep to himself since you have already enough to think about in his opinion, though he listens to all of your problems to prevent you from stressing out.

Yushiro

🌫️​Despite being depicted as rather arrogant and short-tempered, Yushiro fawns quite a lot over his s/o. Getting to know that they're diagnosed with diabetes turns him into quite a overbearing mother hen though and that steams especially from the fact that he is the assistent of Tamayo who is a doctor. So it's safe to assume that he has a rather wide knowledge about diabetes and for that is also too aware of the unwanted and dangerous health issues that can arise with the wrong treatment. If it would go like this demon wants it to be, he'd probably want his darling to only be treated by Tamayo and him. He feels somewhat cocky about it since Tamayo has so much more experience than whoever is your provider as of now and he is rather confident about his own abilities as well. He has this scowl on his face whenever you leave both of them to attend to an appointment with your doctor, tries to convince you to give Lady Tamayo a try as well and him of course as well.

🌫️​It's quite easy to recall in detail what food is healthy and good with high protein yet the problem arises how to prepare it. Yushiro can do many things but cooking might just be something he struggles with, it's been years since he consumed vegetables and normal human food. It's something he is unwilling to admit to you so he spends hours in a kitchen in an attempt to polish his skills and the first few tries ended in something not so editable. Tamayo just smiles lightly amused as she is the one who can cook more than just decent despite being even older as a demon than Yushiro so the food you get served when visiting those two is Tamayo's. The demon boy is stubborn though as he continues to cook. The first time he managed to put something together that you found delicious, he was basically beaming with pride. He's more possessive and jealous so he'd like you to do your workouts inside without much people yet Tamayo chides him that it isn't good for your health.

🌫️​The two of them become over time anyways your other pair of doctors next to the one you already have. Yushiro goes through your exercise and diet schedules and scoffs with a grin on his face when he sees something that could have been planned better. He loves to call out whoever made this together with you as still unprofessional and Tamayo puts him with a few words quickly back into place. Whenever you're over those two measure your blood sugar quickly and Tamayo is willing to give you a syringe of insulin if it's part of your therapy. Yushiro does it too, very eager to help you. Constantly suggests new things for your schedule which he believes to be better and more suited for your therapy and feels proud when he realizes that you actually followed his advice. Tamayo herself gives her own advices and tips since you're a precious friend to her just as much and she sometimes likes to tease her friend, aware that he harbors strong feelings for you.

🌫️​ He'd like to have you constantly with him and Tamayo so he can always check on your condition yet he's unable to do so since he can't go into the sunlight like you and Tamayo restricts him from acting on his jealous and possessive nature. Both keep their true nature obviously a secret at first though with time you start to become more and more suspicious before you eventually find out, to your major shock since you didn't believe in demons before. Yushiro is extremely nervous since he's afraid that you might be scared. It's Tamayo who explains everything calmly to you and eventually you accept the truth and acknowledge that those two aren't dangerous. Yushiro starts to fawn even more over you afterwards, he's clingy as he follows you around whenever you spend time with those two, worringly asks if you've followed Tamayo's and his advices and if you've felt unwell in the time you weren't with those two.

Uzui Tengen

🎶​As someone who is currently a Hashira and used to be a ninja in his past, the chances that he's the expert when it comes to diabetes are slim. Yet he doesn't seem one bit discouraged, as flamboyant and energetic as ever when he receives the news though instantly very demanding to know more about diabetes and the therapy. The pressure he puts on you is pretty minimal though since he is protective and cares for you much, with everyone else that's a different story though as they have a tall man towering over them who forces them with his eccentric behavior to tell him more about your condition and treatment. His three wives are just as eager to find out how they can care for you and make sure that you're healthy and all of those four, especially Tengen though, expects much from the people treating you. To the point where they feel pressured despite being the professionals and having helped you since years already.

🎶​Tengen is a time-consuming individual so you'll be dragged along to stay with them a lot more than you might want, your protests fall on deaf ears though as the exuberant male brushes your complains of. So learning what food and drinks you can consume and what isn't healthy for you is absolutely required. His wives make themselves smart when it comes to the dishes you call your favorites and Tengen has already overwhelmed your parents and doctor with your eating schedule that they have all information they need to prepare the dishes you like to the right time in the right amount. Your exercise...might have a few changes whilst you're with Tengen and his wives as all four of them used to be shinobi and kunoichi. Due to that and his flashy personality, he tends to be a bit demanding though Hinatsuru, Makio and Suma reason with him that you're a citizen so he at least goes a bit easier, cheers you on. The man has no problem to carry you back if you're too exhausted by the end of your training.

🎶​Monitoring your blood sugar with a sample of blood is something he, admittedly, doesn't get at first even if he acts like he does. His wives call him sometimes out for it though he plays the oblivious role as he doesn't acknowledge it openly even if you realize that he doesn't know. He's responsible though as he lets someone help monitoring your blood who knows how to do it. Hinatsuru learns instantly so at least now he has someone who can measure your blood sugar when you're over at their place. You obviously know how to do it yourself as well but he feels better knowing that Hinatsuru knows it as well. Even if just for the purpose of boasting in front of every stranger that gets too close that his wife knows how to measure your blood sugar and for that you shouldn't spend time with them. When it comes to the insulin you might need, he's fine with the doctor though he'd like to know or at least has one of his wives also being able to inject you with it when you're over and need it.

🎶​The household of one man and three women is scarily motivated to learn how to treat you with a healthy lifestyle as Tengen is someone who wants you to move in fast. He's possessive and protective after all, is confident that his three wives can take very good care of you and that he can protect you. Suma starts crying when she reads how fatal diabetes can be when it escalates as she reads about hallucination and strokes that can follow, grows clingier after she knows since she cares for you. Everyone else comforts her, Tengen proclaiming that it won't happen to you since they'll make sure that you're treated right yet sometimes he gets a bit worried himself. Sometimes his exuberant and flashy exterior is just a facade, especially if you should end up suffering consequences from your blood sugar. Safe to say that all four dote on you, even if it wouldn't be for your special condition, keeping a hawk eye out so that no harm happens to you and at least one of them is always with you.

#yandere attack on titan #yandere aot #yandere shingeki no kyojin #yandere snk #yandere eren #yandere eren yeager #yandere levi #yandere levi ackerman #yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere kaneki #yandere ken kaneki #yandere demon slayer #yandere kimetsu no yaiba #yandere kny #yandere tanjiro #yandere kamado tanjiro #yandere zenitsu #yandere agatsuma zenitsu #yandere giyu #yandere tomioka giyu #yandere yushiro #yandere tengen #yandere uzui tengen

[moonsquaremars]

I've had an extremely turbulant emotional life, which I can attribute to many different astrological aspects + placements I have.

It's been strange coming to discover as I get older how much of my world is inside my head, though. How many times I've assumed something, had meltdowns, only to later find out 90% of it was in my own head.

Moon square mars, like my blog suggests. My other blog was sunsextilemoon, but after tumblr flagged my account for adult content, I figured it was best to start over so I could still have reach.

Moon square mars makes one passionate and headstrong. I read that it is similar to the relationship between Cancer and Aries. Cancer, the emotionally nurturing, sensitive, going head to head with the impulsive and self expressive Aries. Aries was always one of my least favorite signs. My sun is in cancer, and moon in virgo. I've always been surrounded by Saggitarius, that's my favorite sign. But I always saw aries as childish and insensitive. I had a roommate, coworker, and someone who has become a best friend who is an aries. So my aries prejudice has been tamed a bit.

I would attribute my intense anger problems to my moon square mars. I don't struggle with it so much anymore, but as a kid, if somebody accidentally hurt me, I would come back at them twice as hard. Like ruthless. I also constantly struggle, on a day to day basis, with this inner conflict between what I 'feel' like I need to do, vs what I want to do. I usually let want win. Sometimes I can get too lost in my feelings, I guess because of my 12th house sun.

Moon Square Pluto.

This aspect I think gets me in a lot of trouble. It's not intentional, of course. But I definitely feel the emotional block. I will be fine, things will be going alright, then out of nowhere, a wave will come and completely knock me off balance. I'll get so overwhelmed and almost hysterical. Sometimes just super moody. and then when it's over, I'm like, what the hell happened? there doesn't seem to be a concrete cause or trigger. It just happens. I'm 27 and it still just happens.

The 12th house placement I think is a blessing and a curse. I sense the strangest of things, and have spiritual gifts. but I've been to the psych ward more times than I can count, and my daddy a crackhead who is also a 12th house sun. I love him of course, but the 12th house energy is obvious. His house has a feeling of being a hut on a deserted island, yet it's in the middle of a subdivision surrounded by other houses. He just gives me tom hanks castaway vibes, even when he's surrounded by society.

I take various drugs and medications to help tame my turbulant emotions and achieve my goals. I do weed often, because it helps with my temper. I'm also extremely impatient. I feel like weed puts me in touch with my moon. You'd think that'd be a good thing, but when your moon squares your mars and your pluto, it can cause some problems.

I also have Sun Square Saturn, which quite honestly, is a PAINFUL placement.

I've had terrible, terrible, terrible depression for most of my life. Completely sucks the life out of me. Apparently saturn can deplete the energy of the sun, and I get depleted baby.

I went to a church service on time, and the preacher said something about "misery being a ship that needs to set sail, instead of being avoided" and that really healed me. I feel like I got so scared of my depression, my own mind and thoughts, I would run around manicly just doing WHATEVER I could so I would not feel that way anymore. I was so scared of it. But sometimes you just have to sit with yourself and your emotions, and grit your teeth.

In all I feel like my sun sextile my moon really saves me. It gives a balanced personality, since the ego and the emotional nature are in such harmony. It's funny because my dad, close friends, and boyfriends almost always have sun trine moon. My little sister also has sun sextile moon. If it weren't for this, I'd probably be much worse off...

#12th house #moon square pluto #moon square mars #sun square saturn #sun in 12th #sun sextile moon #astrology notes #astrology blog #astrology

[immortal-elements]

A "simplified" power catalyst rotation.

I have been beating my head into a wall over this build for about a week now. I've got the exact snowcrows setup, (correct golem and boon config, correct gear, everything either ascended or legendary, attribute infusions everything)

I am currently averaging about 36k dps, but I have had peaks of up to 40k. This is after hours at the training dummy practicing this rotation.

This build has a lot of moving parts. You have to keep up 10 stacks of EE. You get 3 at base, and you get 2 everytime you disable an enemy, and you get 1 everytime you get an aura (read also, the first time you combo in a new attunement, or leaping through a fire field). You have to keep up 5 stacks of Empowering Auras, which you get everytime you gain an aura, (and thankfully getting a new stack refreshes the duration of all your stacks, so this is relatively easy to upkeep). And you have to upkeep persisting flames, which means you have to hit an enemy with your fire fields 10 times every 15 seconds. This is relatively easy to upkeep, given that you have a fire field that lasts for 10 seconds and ticks 10 times, you have your jade sphere and you have the low cooldown fire sword 2. You also have to keep an eye on your energy, which is still frustrating to keep track of, making sure that every time you attune to fire you have enough for a jade sphere, and your fire augment is off cooldown. It's also a core part of your DPS to be dropping your jade spheres in other attunements, that way you can still combo. But the annoying part is, you ALSO have to keep track of whether or not you have a jade sphere deployed, because you can't build up energy with one deployed. That's why a lot of the time you might see me drop a sphere in earth attunement, attune to water, drop my sphere there, cast 1 skill, and attune to air. If you have two spheres deployed at once, it creates a longer window in which you can produce energy.

You have no utility outside of the boons your jade sphere can provide, you have no CC that you don't have to use in order to upkeep your EE stacks, you have to use everything off cooldown as soon as you can use it and then lock yourself out of the rest of that attunement's skills until your rotation comes back around to it.

This build is about spamming as many of your damage dealing abilities as you can off cooldown, it is very high APM, it is very high skill, (given that I still can't pull it off reliably above 80% of the benchmarks), and it is incredibly punishing in that if you mistime your skills or your attunement swaps you could see a drop of up to 10k DPS, (don't get locked into water attunement, trust me).

And the reward for doing that is... a DPS number that other classes can reach for much less effort and minmaxing.

Core guardian has a build that can easily reach 30k DPS by auto-attacking with hammer and occasionally using a virtue. 30k DPS for like 10 APM. Meanwhile, I'm clocking in well over 150 APM and barely getting more than 33k. This core guardian build, additionally has plenty of utility! It's got an immobilize, a lot of CC, a conditional shadowstep that you can use when you need it, and you can weapon swap to axe/shield for even more CC and comparable damage. You have a several second invuln too, in case you get in over your head, but if you don't need it you can swap that out for passive healing for your entire group as well as plenty of boons that will help boost your damage further.

I'm not against low intensity playstyles, but there has to be some sort of reward for doing a higher skill playstyle. I wish Anet wouldn't just look at target golem statistics and balance based solely off of benchmarks. It's created an undesirable state of the game in which everything is balanced to do as equal damage as possible in the hands of the top players whacking a stationary target. In an actual raid environment, classes with easier rotations, with more utility that they don't have to spend for DPS, and classes with ranged damage are going to be able to perform better than complex melee classes, whose DPS is going to TANK the moment they have to step away from the boss or dodge an attack.

And there realistically is no reward for being this good at the class. Yeah, I'm going to get to the point that I can bench 40k reliably on this class, and when I do I can proudly wear my crown of "one of the best elementalist players in the world", but I'm not going to bring this shit to actual raids. God, that's a nightmare. Samarog nabs one of my allies and I gotta say "whoops, I don't have any CC to save you, I had to spend it so that I didn't drop all my EE stacks! Don't want to be doing less damage than the healers, after all!" The reward is that I get to know a flashy playstyle that makes everything else seem like a snooze in comparison.

No, anyone who wants to do high DPS in raids is going to bring condi virtuoso, soulbeast, or willbender. Elementalist, and builds like it, will be punished in PvE as long as Anet continues balancing solely off of golem benchmarks.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #elementalist #sorry for the long post but this has just been on my mind #and I've had hours of smashing a golem to think about it

[greghatecrimes]

I like you and i don't think you're a bad person but I feel like you don't understand Thirteen as a character, you seem to idolize the hollow caricature of her you've created that allows you to insert yourself inside. I'm telling you, you don't need to look like Olivia Wilde to talk about your passions and interests!

You don't have to attribute these things to a fictional person, you can let go of the mask and just be truly you! I promise you will find a new appreciation for Thirteen, and more importantly yourself. I wish you all the peace and love in the world, and I hope my words help you find yourself. Take care 💖

Wow, this was so enlightening for me about my insecurities and the inner workings of my psyche! Even more than five years of therapy, EMDR, and an entire psychology degree!! Anon, I’m assuming you’re the same person that sent me the ask I answered this morning. I see now that I assumed wrongly when I answered that ask under the belief that it was just genuine curiosity. The huge irony here is that I’ve grown a lot over the past five years, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how I’m in a place now where I’m perfectly happy to be who I am, to love what I love, to be unapologetically me. As a follower of my sideblog on tumblr (not even my main blog!!!) you’re only seeing a tiny portion of who I really am as a person (because I KNOW you’re not someone that knows me in real life). Having said that, it certainly takes a HELL of a lot of audacity to come into MY inbox and tell me on anon that you think you know me and my insecurities and how I think about Thirteen better than I know all of those things about myself. 

This is actually HILARIOUS to me, because I WISH the things I “hide behind a character”, as you would say, were as simple as passions and interests. When I was talking about attributing emotions to fictional characters, I didn’t mean silly things like the fact that I like video games, or being a cat person, or even deeper things like being autistic/ADHD (which I 100% admit, when I headcanon the House characters as neurodivergent, that is me projecting because I wish we had more ND representation in media. And you know what? PROJECTION IS OKAY. this is TUMBLR. I reblog fucking pony versions of my favorite characters! I write crack headcanons! Bestie, I’m just trying to de-stress on this blog. 95% of the stuff I post here is not as serious as you’re trying to make it.) Here’s the short version of my REAL “insecurities that I project into a hollow caricature of Thirteen” for you: I grew up being abused. I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to have any needs. Ever. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder and my life is a mess. My life kind of sucked for the first 21 years and guess what? It still kind of sucks right now! I write and think about Thirteen processing trauma she might have faced in her life because it’s cathartic to me as someone who is healing from their own trauma, and to help myself cope with living in an actively stressful/shitty environment. (And guess what? It's a clinically approved coping mechanism. I highly doubt my therapist of five years would let me invest so much time and effort and emotion into a hollow caricature of a person that leads me to lose sight of who I really am!)

This is fanfiction and tumblr headcanons, not a published writing gig. You clearly care too much about my characterization of Thirteen aligning with yours, and unfortunately for you, I don’t. I write what I write because I want to read it. If you want to write her a certain way, no one’s stopping you! Make your own tumblr posts! Write your own damn fanfics! I’m not the authority on Thirteen and I’ve never pretended to be. If you don’t like anything about my characterization of Thirteen, then fucking move on. I’ve put way too much time and effort into giving everyone in my life the benefit of the doubt and striving to be the bigger person, to be the nicest person. And you know what? I’ve spent my entire life being ashamed of what I think and doubting everything I feel. I’ve already got five years and counting of working to undo that damage. I’m not about to let an anon on tumblr make me feel the same shame and doubt about my thoughts and writing for one of my favorite characters.

#ask #anon #goodnight. i am logging off for the night and if anyone needs me you can reach me on discord