#and i can edit google SHEETS just fine too!!!!!!!!!!! it's literally just???? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wuntrum · 6 months

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do you have any tips for an artist who wants to start making one off comics? i really enjoy your artistic direction and style of story telling so i’m very interested in your thoughts on it

yes, definitely!!

-read lots of comics! and a variety of them, too--both ones in the sort of genre/style you'd like to make, but also ones in completely different genres, lengths, places of origin, traditionally/indie/digitally published, simple to experimental formatting, etc

-in relation to the last one, if a comic you read really speaks to you, take some time to study some page layouts from that comic! how do the panels vary from page to page? how much space is the text taking up? what sort of "shots" (to borrow from cinematic language lol) are they using? these shouldn't be fancy, just little thumbnails, but i find it really helps. here's a few i did from a guest in the house by emily carroll

-start smalllll. its really important to build up your stamina, just like with any new sort of skill. if you wanna make a graphic novel thats 200+ pages long, you should make some comics that are 1, 20, 50 pages long and see them through to the end before taking on a super big project.

-this is related to the last point, but i think keeping your cast of characters small at first can also help build up your comic stamina. signals was the first longer comic i made, so i specifically really wanted to focus on just jeanne (and occasionally her parents and peers when they showed up)

-character sheets are helpful, but i also think the easiest way to start getting your characters drawn consistently is through actually drawing the comic! there's also gonna be panels where they look "off" or whatever, and its literally fine, i promise

-through the smaller comics, experiment with how you go about writing your story! theres no right or wrong way to write/plan out a story so, it takes some trial and error to figure out what will work best with your work flow. for me, i've found success in making a timeline of events for the story -> loosely guessing how many pages i'll need/want per section of the story -> freewriting (trying not to edit too much, just dumping all the words out) -> thumbnailing/loose sketching/editing text (all sort of happens in the same step; i find i need the layouts in front of me to understand what i need/don't need from the text i wrote) -> tight sketching -> final . but, if that flow doesn't work for you, try something else! i know a lot of comics people find success in writing a script first, with indications of page and panel-by-panel breakdowns

-take shortcuts often and without guilt. its a lot of work to make a comic! theres just a lot of drawings involved, that most people aren't gonna look at for very long! i especially recommend for infrequent/difficult things, like buildings or crowds or cars or bookcases, using some sort of 3d asset/brush to make your life easier. if you can reuse a drawing and change the crop/expression, do it!

-use some sort of tracker to track your progress on how many pages you've sketched/inked/finished. even if you don't have an external deadline, i think it's still good to give yourself some sort of timeline to work on (i recommend setting "ideal" goals and "realistic" goals, especially if you're working/still in school/etc). for signals, i used google sheets, because you can set up columns to be attached to little circle charts, so as you check off your progress, you can really easily see how much you've done/how much you have left to do (as i type this i highkey forget how i did that before, with signals, so...you might need to do some sheets experimentation to actually do this lol. but there's probably other trackers you can use too)

-understanding comics and making comics by scott mccloud are both great books, highly recommend them (easy to get second hand/from your library/🏴‍☠️)

-lastly, haveee funnnnn

#asks #art ref #and ty for the kind words i appreciate it <3

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happyandticklish · 1 year

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(sorry for the incoming textwall, i don't know when to shut up)

So...

About my writing process, one of the first things I do is a quick (sometimes extensive) research on the characters and world I’m about to write. I’m really picky about the ones playing the scene being “in character”, so I try to get as much evidence/background as I need. From the way they call each other to things that I could hint/mention in my story. If it’s about a fanbase I already have a lot of knowledge about, I usually just check a few things and feel good to go.

The whole text is guided by a scene I had previously imagined, but with no context or development. Just the raw thing. Then, with all the references I got, I usually start building up the scenario until I reach that specific part.

I guess, after this, it’s pretty much the same for everyone who follows this method: I develop the scene, get some more details into it and, after that, I write the ending of the story and finish it. (Usually I’m really, really bad at ending stuff, so that’s is the part where I mess the f*ck up in the story).

I don’t have people to beta read or anything, so I usually just leave the grammar with Google Doc’s text revisor and pray it won’t let me write anything weird. I’m also way too afraid to reread what I just wrote because I cringe at my own fics and it’s a struggle, so I just pretends it’s fine and keep going.

I usually just write when I’m feeling like and I can get “in the mood” to write, otherwise it’s really hard to focus and I keep opening other tabs and checking social media feeds or go back to gaming and write literally nothing. But if I get into it, I blink and there are 500 words in the paper sheet.

Sometimes I also stop to write, right in the middle of the thought line, and take a long sigh, lean back on the wall or pinch the bridge of my nose. I don’t know why, maybe I’m just malfunctioning and that’s how I get back to writing mode LMAO.

Anyway, this is my writing process :’D

Absolutely no worries, I'm here for the in-depth answers!

I'm seeing a lot of stuff about research done beforehand for characterization, which makes me feel a lot better as I was worried I was being weird for stressing so much over details lol. And I love the Google Docs idea! That's honestly probably much better than attempting to edit it yourself. I know I just recently got the cheapest version of Grammarly so I can plug stuff in instead of having to laboriously pick through it myself.

Also,,,,,, that is far too real about the whole procrastinating on other social media sites,,,,, the temptation to click on to literally anything else is stupidly high and I have no idea how any forces themselves through writing with every other outlet of entertainment at their fingertips lol.

#non tickling #asks #answered ask #writing #i love the thing about pinching the nose ajsgjjki #i call it the Exasperated Librarian Focus pose

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 3 years

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So, It’s been awhile. There’s a reason. The last week or so has been... a week. jesus christ. I shall regale you of my tale, not in chronological order necessarily because that’s how I roll. BUT if you suffer through it, you shall be rewarded with an outdoor plant update post after. Bribery.

So. Early last week, The Spawn sat down with me and presented a proposal, a well researched proposal, advocating for her starting her own residential cleaning business because she finds it incredibly satisfying and relaxing to clean stuff and she does quite well. So we sat and brainstormed, researched, and talked about how she planned to advertise. She needed a business gmail (and all the tools that come with that), logo, business social media, website, and flyers.

Being her age, she doesn’t have the skill or knowledge to do these things. So, I volunteered to help with these things so that she didn’t have to spend money hiring someone. I created the email account, put all the brainstorm stuff into a google doc that saved to the biz drive, which included a to do list and the basic info needed. I created a logo. (At which point, she called me a wizard while watching me do so.) I helped her try to create a biz facebook account, but facebook immediately flagged it as breaking the rules. like literally as soon as I created it. So I appealed it & The Spawn wanted to wait to see what came of that before I went further. So she took me with her to shop for the things on her supply list, and we decided to go grab some of the smaller stuff still needed for J’s appt at the same time. This was Friday.

Saturday, I got a text from J in the early afternoon saying that he needed me. I quickly packed a ‘just in case’ bag, since I didn’t know what to expect or how long I would be there. Now, you have to understand that in the 7 years we’ve been friends, while he has discussed things with me via phone or text, in person he is like me, incredibly stoic. Hell even via text or phone, he always insists that he’s fine and responds to my reminders that i’m here if he needs someone, and to just let me know, he responds “I appreciate it, but I won’t”. So him reaching out like that is a MASSIVE thing. I showed up, let myself in, and he just walked up to me, wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing. I stayed the night, alternating between being comforting and being distracting. It was extremely disarming to see such raw emotion from him repeatedly over the course of the night and to hear him say the things that he is usually uncomfortable articulating.

The next morning he seemed better, thanked me for coming (to which I responded “Of course I came. I’ve not ever been lying when I’ve said that I’d come if you needed me, day or night, but you have to let me know.”) and apologized for ‘being a mess’. I told him every time he apologized (which happened quite a bit over the course of the night) that there was no need for an apology because this wasn’t something to be sorry for. He was struggling, as people do, and rather than embrace the darkness or fight it alone, he asked for help from someone he trusts and loves that he knows reciprocates. That i know how hard it is for him to do that and that I am proud of him.

Sunday afternoon the kids (The Spawn and The Bf) picked me up because she needed to take him home but didn’t want to leave the dogs alone. I got in the car after The Bf got into the back, insisting I take the front seat. We hadn’t even gotten out of the parking lot of the apartment complex when The Spawn casually asked “So are ya’ll fucking?”

that’s how I learned that I was the subject of a bet. Apparently, The Bf asked where I was when he came over and out of convenience, not wanting to really explain the relationship, The Spawn said I was at my boyfriend’s. I guess he went on about how how come I’m never hanging out with him, etc, so The Spawn explained the actual nature of our relationship. At the end The Bf said “Nah, they fuckin’ but your mom isn’t telling you.” The Spawn said, “No, she’d tell me because when I started high school I asked her about her past encounters and asked about what stuff was, if she’d done it, and if she enjoyed it, and she was always honest with me. That’s how I know she likes it up the butt.” He insisted that J and I were banging so The Spawn, knowing the truth, took advantage of this and made a bet. It was an easy win for her. SO...

I get asked this question & I look at her, eyebrows raised because she knows how our relationship is (granted if I were physically able and he was willing, I would definitely jump back up on that horse) and said, “No. Mom is no longer physically capable of fucking without risk of severe injury. Plus, despite having ridden that horse previously, I’m not into endangering our besties status. I would go into further detail and commentary but I don’t want to make The Bf uncomfortable. These are things you know, so why do you ask?” She told me of the bet, Then i promptly text J about it because I knew he’d get a laugh out of it. And I was right.

By the end of Sunday, she recieved an email stating that facebook was upholding the ban, so she and I talked and decided to make a webpage via WIX and after getting a few clients, she could upgrade her account with them to get extras that are offered, including her own domain (rather than the name.wix address) and a lack of wix ads on her page. And then it all went downhill from there.

Monday through Wednesday (yesterday) had The Spawn breathing down my neck more than any boss I’ve ever fucking had about when her business shit would be done. On top of what I’d already done, between Monday and Wednesday I: set up her google voice account for a business number, wrote her a “first time client” script, created a google sheets quick reference client database, created a google forms for detailed client records (all in a folder together that is searchable by client name, which would be the title of the form), set up the calendar, downloaded and edited/collaged her before and after photos she took via cleaning some of our spaces, and built her a 7 page website including the photos, facts, and little blurbs that go along with it. It went live at the end of yesterday.

Throughout this process, rather than just checking in and thanking me for doing it all to save her money, she asked me every couple hours what still needed to be done. When I was not as far along as she felt I should be, she got progressively more hostile. Yesterday morning she had the balls to text me “What all do we still need to do before I can get rolling?” I responded with “ ‘We’? hahahahaha *I* still need to [list].”

I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Am I missing something? Did you forget to list something in the list of stuff you did between Monday and Wednesday? You mentioned flyers....” You are correct. But yesterday while I was being driven to my 2nd vax appointment by my father, I basically told him that I’m fried. If a flyer just included facts, I’d be fine, but the part where I need the potential customers to be drawn in and want to learn more is not happening. The creative well has run dry to the point that it is reminiscent of the dust bowl. And I reminded him that there is a reason I no longer do this type of shit for a living. I mentioned that thinking about The Spawn’s company is making me stress puke and that any time The Spawn approaches me to talk about anything, I immediately feel incredibly nauseated.

Now it should be noted that when I mentioned this in a multi paragraph text earlier, he responded with “Just take a step back from it for awhile, then go back to it.”

and everyone wonders why on earth I don’t speak up when I hit my limits and why I just push onward despite the damage it does to me. THIS. THIS IS WHY. Everyone is all for me not pushing myself too hard... until it is inconvenient for them. So I basically screamed in the car. On the way back he said he’d help. Ok. cool.

Except that every fucking idea he had legit just tripled the amount of work I was going to have to do. I mentioned being burned enough that I was considering just paying a freelancer to do it. This motherfucker chimes in with “Oh! [Cool Ex Employee Who Left to be a Stay at Home Mom with her First Baby] does stuff like that. Let me reach out to see if she’d be willing to.” BRUH. That should have been the first thing out of your mouth after my original texts! Jesus Christ. I agreed but with the caveat that HE had to tell The Spawn and say it was his idea because he sees me getting overly stressed and has put his foot down. And he had to do it that night because I knew that if he didn’t, the first thing I’d hear today was “So when are my flyers going to be done?” and I am absolutely not dealing with that shit. The only thing I am doing from this point forward is showing her how to use her database/client files/calendar and I will be happy to answer questions or give advice, but that’s it. This isn’t my company and I’m not employed by her, so I’ve already put in far more work than should have been expected of me, with very little thanks outside of after I finished her logo and a couple times she came down and watched, then told me I’m a fucking wizard.

Really It was good in a way because I had been doing that thing lately where I wonder if I’m just being dramatic because admin type stuff isn’t that hard and if I could do it from home, I should be able to manage... but this put me back down on earth, where I absolutely am not being dramatic and I cannot fucking do that shit 40 hrs a week for some random asshole. Shit, this was for my own child and I was ready to give up, stab her, then tell her to go fuck herself.

so...that’s been my last week and a half for so. Also, my only side effects from Vax 2 (pfizer) is feeling more tired/run down than usual and a bit of extra joint pain... but those might actually be related to the stress and hell I just went through. who knows.

as always, don’t steal my shitshow. get your own shitshow. suffer through your own crap.

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fyrapartnersearch · 4 years

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Looking for Active Partners

Hello, thank you for checking out my roleplay doc. My name is Deviant, so feel free to call me Dev, or even my given name, Lexi. I am 22 years old and have been writing since I was 12, roughly, which means I have, about, a decade of writing experience (the time sure does fly, doesn’t it?). I am located in Central Standard Time. I am a polyglot (meaning I speak four languages). I am fluent in English and Spanish, conversational in Korean and French, and am currently learning Italian. Despite this, I have incredible grammar and spelling skills. Although I am human, and may mistakes here and there, I like to think that, for the most part, I write, well.

I am a full time student and worker. With everything happening, all of my classes have gone online, and since I’m an author, my work hasn’t changed too much. With this in mind, I am a fairly active roleplay partner. At the minimum, you can expect 3 responses from me, a week (so, every other day), and at the maximum, you can expect 14 responses a week (or two a day). It depends on the length of our rp, the amount of characters that we have, and the time it takes for you to respond.

OOC chatting is something that I enjoy doing. Typically, I can give my partners estimates on responses, talk about our rps, and ultimately, just get to know you. I love to create google docs and boards about our characters, but of course, this is not required of you. Even though I’d like to, we don’t have to be the best of friends, in order to have an rp together.

When it comes to my response, I am a literate to novella style rp partner. I can write anywhere from 2k - 9k words, for a starter, and roughly 400 - 4.5k words per response. This, drastically, depends on my partner. Typically, I like to mirror my partner, so if you want something with 1k words a response then that’s what I’ll give you. If you’d like something with 500 words, per response, I can give you that. Let me know your preference, and that’s what I’ll do. After all, rping is a fun and relaxing hobby, not a job.

I write third person, present tense. I have found that not many people write like this, and I have no problem roleplaying with people who write third person, past tense. It’s the story that’s really important, in the end, right? :)

With all of my years of experience, I write, both, male and female quite equally. I enjoy writing both, and most times, I prefer to do M x F, for my side. For your side, I am more than willing to do F x F, though please be aware that if you’d like an M x M, I have to really love the plot and envision you as a partner, as I have been burnt before with this one. Now, I will not, under any circumstances, rp with someone who only wants to play female. No, this has, also, burnt me several times, in the past, and I won’t do it again.

I am looking to write both fandoms and original stories, so with this in mind, when it comes to fandoms, doubling is a must for me. I like to keep things equal, so please do not come to me, just asking me to play so and so for you and not offer anyone, for me, in return. I will politely decline your request. So, be warned. I also do prefer to play oc/oc (in a cannon universe, whether we use AUs or not) or canon/oc. This doesn’t mean that I won’t play canon/canon for your side, it just means, I may need a bit of convincing. Also, if you like one fandom and have a character you want me to play but aren’t comfortable playing any of the characters, we can split and do two fandoms and both have a pairing! Just let me know!

I can play from one character, in an rp, to about ten. (I have efficiently juggled ten characters before, it just meant I could only respond about twice a week). I love having a cast of characters, as I think it really makes the rp fun. But, this is not required. If you only want one, then we’ll only do one, it’s as easy as Sunday Morning, as they say. I do like to start with character sheets. While mine lean towards more the detailed side, yours can be as simple or detailed as you’d like.

I am a long term partner, and my longest rp partner, has been with me about five years now. I’d like to have partners who are also with me, long term. This doesn’t mean we have to do the same rp for five years, no, when you get tired of something, let me know, and I will do the same. We can make it spicy, add more characters, or just start an entirely new rp. Of course, I am not against short term partners, just please let me know if those are your intentions.

When it comes to dark and mature themes, I will rp them out. I will rp out smut, as well, but fade to black is fine with me, as well. Again, it depends on your preference, and what you are comfortable with. While, I like dark and grimy, I like light and fluffy, too. Every rp is different.

I am ghost friendly although I will never ghost you. If something doesn’t work out, then I will let you know, and I’d appreciate the same, in return, although I do understand. Typically, I will bump you twice, once after one week, and one more time, after a second week has gone by. If you don’t respond to either, then I will assume that you are no longer interested in rping with me and will let our rp go.

I reserve the right to ask you for an rp sample before we start our rp. The worst feeling, in the world is starting an rp and, then, realizing you’re not compatible. You will find my samples further on, in the document. If you’d like more from me, then just ask!

Also, I like orcas….. Deal with it.

I am looking for 18+ role-players to Roleplay original and fandom rps. The lists are endless. Please check out my google doc to find my fandom list and original ideas, as well as my contact information.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uYg7btdD4KLiHtKlcex0u3AvOpO0NQ5BJ-UHoEmx7Xg/edit?usp=sharing

#oc rp #multiple paragraph #para #semipara #long term #email #marvel rp #tvd rp #smut rp #submission

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leviathiane · 4 years

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SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE)

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/)

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units)

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch:

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell.

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine.

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include:

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8]

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9]

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame.

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything.

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

#depths' ask #response #idk what to even tag this honestly?? this post is such a mess abhdsjfgdkjn #thanks mido love u dear 💕🎉 im gonna want some damn notes on second chances heads up #wror #wror stockpile #touchmycoat #i started this response at goddamn 3:52am and its now 4:40am #it took me. almost an HOUR #oh my god

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air-bison-yip-yip · 5 years

Note

What if in the clip 4 of the 10th episode Edoardo wouldn't come back to Ele and after a few years they would reunite.Obviously they are still in love with each other.

@tell-me-that-we-belong-together thanks, i hate it. This was literally titled “this prompt makes me wanna die” in my google doc, but somehow I wrote almost 11k ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Find the entire thing on ao3

I’m putting just the first little part under the keep reading section!

Also big thanks to @nnegan13 for talking me through this fic/edits/and being a generally stellar person.

Hope you enjoy!

The day blurred into night. Eleonora was exhausted. She didn’t know what time it was. She didn’t even know how she got from the greenhouse back to the flat. She assumed Filo drove her home in the car that was actually fine, but Eleonora couldn’t bring herself to care.

She felt hollow.

The pounding of her heart had died down. Earlier it had ravaged her. When she saw Edo walk away, when Filo steered her home, her chest ached from the crushing beat of her heart. All hope had left and gotten into the car alongside Edoardo.

He left her. She had said her piece, she had fought for him, but in the end, it wasn’t enough. Eleonora wondered what it would take to get people to stay, to choose her, to fight for her? She thought she had found that with Edoardo. He was endlessly patient. He always fought for her for them. And now, she had pushed him over the edge.

She should’ve trusted him. She should’ve never gone to his house. She shouldn’t have taken the drink. She should’ve listened to his point of view.

Should’ve. Should’ve. Should’ve. That’s all she could think about.

She was in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub, holding her arms around her waist. Holding herself together. She should dry her hair, put on lotion, and try to sleep, but she felt paralyzed. She felt the phantom caress of Edoardo’s fingers on his cheek. She wanted his stupid curls and lip biting grin. She wanted his anger. She wanted him.

The worst part was that Eleonora would move on. She would get up, day after day, and the hurt would fade until it was a distant twinge every now and then. Daily life would go on. She didn’t want to forget Edoardo. She didn’t want him to feel like a distant bittersweet memory. She wanted to feel the heartache to assure herself that this was real. That she had loved.

Eleonora felt tears slipping down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly and stood up and walked out of the bathroom, keeping her head down and heading straight to bed. She knew that tomorrow Filo would start to poke and prod her. Try to get her to eat. Maybe even invite Eva over, so Eleonora relished the silence and alone time. She just needed to be. Feel every terrible gut-wrenching pain. Just for tonight before she donned her lipstick and pretended that she was fine. That it was okay.

That her heart had not shattered.

She didn’t expect to sleep. But the comfort of her bed and her room helped. Her thoughts raced, her body wiped out and she wanted to rest.

She finally blearily looked at her phone. A bunch of texts and calls from Le Matte. Nothing from Edoardo. Nothing from her mom.

A text from Marti that read, “it will hurt for a while.” It was perhaps the most comforting message. Eleonora was so torn between living deep within the anguish and pretending the anguish didn’t exist. But she appreciated the text.

It was three AM, Eleonora needed to do something. She got out of bed and walked around her room before sitting at her desk. She found a sheet of paper and a pen and sat staring at the white of the page for a few moments. Then, she wrote.

~~~~~~Dear Edoardo,

I’m sitting down at my desk, my clean desk, thanks to you, writing this. You left for the weekend. You left me. You’ll never get this letter and really I am only writing it so that I can sleep. I need the words that are swarming in my head to stop for a few minutes.

I feel lost. I sort of hate when people say that they lose a part of themselves when they break up with someone. I didn’t lose a part of myself.

I lost my family. You know that I’ve never really had one. The closest to family I’ve had is a semi-present mother, Filo, and the girls. And you. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to articulate the comfort and safety you brought me.

I just want to say that I’m sorry. That I should’ve trusted you. That I should’ve fought harder for you. I know that my trust and my fight were too late, but you have them now, for whatever that’s worth.

I hope one day this hurts less. That we both can come back to each other as friends, maybe even rediscover our family. But most of all, I hope that you are okay. You are one of the best people I have ever known. You are thoughtful and funny and so incredibly sweet. I hope that the world can see that. That you show them that Edoardo and not the one you use as a mask.

I’ll miss you so much. I already miss you.

I truly believe we belong together.

I love you,Ele

~~~~~

Finally, Eleonora could feel her body begin to slow. Her mind was no longer racing. Exhaustion took over. She crawled into her bed and waited until she drifted off to sleep.

—–FOUR YEARS LATER

Eleonora shook her head vehemently. “No, Eva. I am not singing.”

“Ele! Come on! It’s fun.” Eva pouted.

“You know I am a terrible singer. Nor am I drunk enough for this,” Ele responded resisting Eva’s attempts to pull her towards the stage to sing some karaoke.

“Ele, this is your celebration. You are a university graduate! You finished early and you have a hotshot horticultural research position lined up. Get your ass up there and sing a Cher song, PLEASE,” Eva demanded.

For the rest check out the full fic on AO3

#skam italia #skam italy #edoardo x eleonora #edoardo incanti #my precious ele #protect ele at all costs 2019 #eleonora sava #incantava #tumblr prompt #pasks

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braywashed · 6 years

Text

Since I’ve been putting it off due to lingering sicky feels, etc.

Here’s the far too long and far too unedited and written at 4am vacation rundown NO ONE ASKED FOR! (huzzah!)

So, yeah. I arrived at the new Amtrak station in the city which is a major upgrade from the trailer park reject of station the old one was. Way roomier. Could use a coffee stand or something but yeah. Improvement. Had to go underground under the tracks and back up to get to the very cold surface, it must suck in the winter.

About an hour, hour and a half into the trip I quickly realized that a.) all I wanted to do was sleep, and b.) that my throat was burning. I assumed this was due to the absurdly cold, non-stop dry ass air conditioning, but no. This bitch got sick for her entire trip. On the plus side I had the seats to myself for the majority of the trip, but still. I barely watched any CR or anything because I was miserable the entire time. Ya don’t wanna be miserable for 10+ hours on a train.

Got to Boston, to @conniecorleone‘s frightening apartment stairs. My bag was way too heavy and she troopered through taking it up them for me without dying. So if you ever need a tank in battle, call Rachel.

Hung out a little. Ordered some Five Guys. Watched a couple episodes of the first season of American Horror Story. I get the appeal but also never needed to see Dermot Mulroney’s ass.

Rach was busy with work stuff a lot early in the week, not helped by some dumbass school shooting threat the week before and kept apologizing while still going above and beyond as a hostess while I just felt guilty for getting snot on her sheets.

Day two I colored a bit. I can do a wicked water gradient with erasable colored pencils, for the record. Hung out. Relaxed. Used a lot of Zicam and Advil. Then we were on way to The Middle East for her conehead space boyfriend.

We waited like, an hour? In the chilly mist outside? The show started like AN HOUR LATE after that. The venue was nice but man, the mood was getting close to dead at points, especially since, again, FUCKIN SICK. But Planet Booty came on and while, a little on the bordering too raunchy side, put on a fucking amazing live show. Dylan has an absurd amount of energy that should be bottled and sold, but if it were it might result in the orgypocalypse. I saw a youtube comment that said he’s ‘very touchy lol’ and truer words never spoken. That man will grind on you and sing directly in your earlobe with his tongue if you are front row and happily, I was not. Yet somehow I still ended up with his sweat on my sweater sleeve thanks to someone being a dumbass and high fiving him after their set and not being able to handle the consequences. Ahem.

THEN TWRP TOOK LIKE ANOTHER GODDAMN HALF HOUR???

But I FORGIVE THEM because they were GREAT and played Daft Punk’s Celebrate in honor of motherfuckin Canadian Thanksgiving so... fine... I guess. My only complaint is they didn’t do The Perfect Product even though I get that’s probably a weird thing to do live. Also minimal keytar and Sung almost decapitated himself but you know... it happens. They DID do Tactile Sensation though which is a fucking jam. And Atomic Karate, ofc. And Meouch broke his fucking bass string which is like? Fucking hardcore? He came down like a foot away from us at one point. It was dope. They’re amazing live and have no right to be for dudes in ridiculous robot costumes playing synth in the year 2018 and rolling around stage on a hoverboard. Sadly I brought minimal memory cardage this year and didn’t get a lot of good video of them.

Afterwards, despite *someone* almost passing out, we hung out in the merch lines and did NOT accidentally cut ahead this time. I got a free signed poster because it was my birthday vacation ayyyyy and bought a couple EPs and the Together Through Time album. Then hopped over the PB’s line and got two hugs from Dylan who hung out and talked to/hugged/got selfies with every single person who got into line there and just? Good dude. Pure dude. Awful stache but... thumbs up human being. I got their Naked album and we headed out back to the apartment and some delivered Dominos (which was the only good Dominos I’ve ever had in my life.)

Day three I accidentally slept until like 4pm. Literally what else did we do that day? I cannot remember for the life of me. We might have went to Dunkin at like 9pm and she showed me a weird omnipotent plastic ear hanging on an electric wire? Was that this day? I have no fucking idea. Her Netflix and supply of Puffs tissues were my best friends this trip okay.

Day four she went to class and I relaxed and intended to walk to the mall. Unfortunately, my sick bleh hit and I didn’t feel up to going until about ten minutes before she got back. So we ended up heading over there together. I made her try Baja Blast, as is customary in my nation, and got her to try some green matte lipstick. Success. I was highkey hoping they would have a Build-A-Bear in the joint but they didn’t. They did have a Newbury though, that had the six-inch Roadhog pop which I’ve had a hard time finding locally, so I said fuck it and bought it.

That night was MST3k live! The theater was old as dirt. The kind of old as dirt where the flooring is bowing in. They had real strict rules on cameras and shit, which I get for the sake of spoilers but c’mon.... c’mon. Their merch sucked unfortunately though, so I didn’t waste any money on anything (for some reason they had 2017 tour stuff? It’s... not 2017?). The show itself was good, though I was wondering before it started how sick they must get of doing the same movie in different towns almost every other night. Pretty quickly realized oh, yeah, a lot of this show was likely pre-riffed. They did pull a kid from the stage at one point so he could guest riff off a script from Joel, which I’m thinking was a clever little insert fraction of the riff they did live between segments. I could be wrong, but on that front, it felt a little cheap. But it was still fun to see the boys and the bots live and have jokes cracked about not being able to afford the villains for the tour. And The Brain itself was........ I don’t know what I was expecting but..... it sure was.... something. The novelty was worth it and I will still gladly marry Crow T. Robot.

We went across the street to a little pub stop that was I think called Rock Bottom after that and got some much needed late night food. For some reason my brain was like “man, I could go for chicken fried steak right now” and don’t you know IT WAS ON THE FUCKIN MENU? WITH GARLIC CHEDDER MASHED POTATOES? Boston, much like with wings, does not know what country gravy is, but it was still everything I fucking wanted and did not expect to find, so A+. Also I was wearing a dress with shorts underneath it and stuck to the goddamn stool. Such is life.

Day five was rainy and miserable. I tagged along to university with Rach and it sucked, honestly. Being on a campus makes me feel awkward and the whole still being sick thing didn’t help. I ended up taking a walk way around the block to a Starbucks and getting the worst fucking frap I’ve ever paid too much money for. Went back around. Sat in the library. Felt even shittier. Started googling food places. Yard House wasn’t far but I didn’t want to deal with crossing a lot of traffic, especially if the rain started back up (it did, with a vengeance). So I ended up back around the block at some Olive Garden-esque fake Italian place with not an Italian in sight called Bertucci’s for some bland chicken-less fettuchini alfredo (because, as I’d reasoned with myself, I had chicken three times the day before). It was dimly lit, I had a booth to myself, and the water had the sweet skullet and braided beard combo I had liveblogged. People kept complimenting my tattoo. It was nice and no one seemed overly bothered that I was clearly killing time until I spent probably way too long in the restroom after trying to look alive. I tipped the dude ten bucks and left in the pouring rain with my umbrella.

From her school we took the world’s longest Uber to Parts Fucking Unknown in awful traffic and rain to find a Double Tree where @freakishlytallaustralian‘s parents were staying for a hot minute during their brief little US tour on their way to Europe. I’ve never met Mandi in person, but I’ve now met her parents who say she’s gotten to know a good bloke. She looks exactly like her mom. They were sweet. Anxious but sweet. And I am a freak who doesn’t talk and was sick trying to seem presentable at the bare minimum capacity.

Back ~home~ we ordered some JP Licks ice cream (BROWNIE BROWNIE BATTER!!! BROWNIE. BROWNIE. BATTER.), I watched CR and some stupid videos on the internet with her. Got some sleep. Sort of. Barely.

Despite Matt Mercer nearly succeeding at lulling me to sleep and eating my dreams, it didn’t happen, and I could not get comfortable for the life of me. The “coughing every five seconds in bed” started this night and was not having mercy. So I opted out of another day of hanging around campus to try and get some more rest. It didn’t really work, but I did eventually get a solid three hours or so, so it was something.

As the day progressed it was onward to the Science Museum to meet Ron the T-Rex. There was a wedding happening. How appropriate, for Bravier funko pops to have come along on the day of a blessed union. Coincidence? I think not. A turtle kept falling off a branch when he was trying to nap. There was some space stuff. It wasn’t great. But I got a little stuffed dinosaur and that’s Important.

From there we hit up the same movie theater we went to the year before and saw Bad Times At The El Royale. Do recommend. Chris Hemsworth as a Charles Manson was not something I ever thought I’d see, and I still don’t understand it, but it rather predictably works for me, so we’ll leave it at that. Good movie, good performances, good pacing and editing that could have easily not been. See it, it’s fun. Not perfect, but fun.

It was COLD AS BALLS after the movie and neither of us brought jackets or sweaters, so the walk to the train station and back ~home~ was a chilly one. We stopped in, got some warmth, and headed down the road past her old place to a bar. If we didn’t appreciate TWRP and PB enough already, the band she had to pay cover for us to get in for just to pick up food were about 8 upper middle aged men playing every instrument in the book. Afropunk, they said. No, we said. Offkey, we said. This place was dark as shit and loud as shit but you know what? They KNEW WHAT REAL, HOT CHICKEN WINGS WERE and for that, I am appreciative dammit.

Went back, got some more Dominos, and was finally introduced to John Mulaney’s (or two of) comedy specials. He’s genius and I *understand* it now, tumblr. I get it. We ate way too much and did my laundry.

The week had come and gone way too soon and I felt robbed of my good time by how shitty I felt. Hopping on the train the next day (after a godawful uber ride) was just as depressing as the time before. And even though I didn’t feel as miserable as the trip there, and once again had a window seat to myself, I found myself curled up against my hoodie crying trying to fall asleep again knowing I was already headed back home.

Once the initial depression passed, the trip wasn’t bad. The iced latte was good. The Albany stop not as confusing the second time around. The WiFi kept me company. Eventually my aunt texted me asking if I wanted to hit up Stevie T’s on the way home because they were 24hr and neither of us had eaten all night. It was a plan. Get off, get food, come home, faceplant on my own big comfy bed, vow to deal with my dad’s drama in the morning and call it a night.

Then *that* happened. Yeah. Last year? Every stop, regardless of time of night, they made announcements. They came by, checked the marker above your seat, and if you were due off at the next stop told you it was coming up, would help with luggage if needed, and directed you to the correct door to exit the train. This year? Nothing. They decided to stop making announcements right before the Rochester stop, and no one came by in our car to tell us where to get off. Stopped, myself and the other person due off at that stop, a late-teens girl, went to the door at the front of our car where every other stop had gotten off before us. We assumed since no one said differently, and no attendants were around, that must be it. We were idiots. Because by the time we realized hey, they’re not going to open this door and we should go to the far other end of the train, it was already moving again en route to Buffalo.

We found ourselves in the dining booths by the cafe car while the staff made vague remarks and the conductor acted like it wasn’t his problem. My aunt on the phone talked to the Rochester station, we tried to claim I didn’t even have a reservation until about two other people looked up my ticket. They said it was up to the conductor to get us a cab home, he laughed at us, claimed to know nothing about any of that, and asked if were were going to buy the bus tickets the other girl was looking up. The bus for 3am, in downtown Buffalo, nowhere near the station. When we got off the staff at the Depew station was a lot more sympathetic, and said since nothing else was being offered he would put us on the next train back home, but since it was a Sunday morning there was no train to Rochester until roughly 7:45am. It was about 1:30 at this point. I felt awful for encouraging the other girl not to pay for two ubers and a bus ticket with the only alternative being offered to sit alone in an empty, unstaffed station in the middle of the night for hours. And between the situation, being tired and still sick, and dealing with my aunt calling hotels only to get put on hold and lose the room she was trying to reserve - I put my bags in a corner, found the restroom, and had a panic attack. I don’t know why, but those tend to be stupid like that. It’s not even like I was scared, or confused, or that worried myself. I started out very ‘whatever, I’ll just get a room or stay in the station, I’m pissed but whatever’. But something about the constant calls and texts and my battery nearing 0 had me stressed and I was crying like a bitch. I just wanted to fucking sleep, and I knew that wouldn’t happen in a train station with nothing but some benches, a restroom, and a vending machine.

Rach suggested an alternative I felt guilty about taking but ended up going for: Get to her parents house just outside Buffalo, get their spare key, and sleep on their couch while they’re out of town with their blessing. So I called an Uber, and the first one passed me by, with the gps fucking up and saying I should be picked up ON THE TRAIN TRACKS. The second guy was smart enough to come to the cab pickup out front and was really cool. He said he was just thankful I wasn’t a fucked up drunk college party kid and the first all night. He didn’t comment on how I probably definitely looked like I’d just been broken up with in the world’s worst romcom. It was over 20 bucks and I tipped him the max. Found my way inside, set up the couch, and continued my momentarily on hold panic until I eventually passed out. My Aunt came to pick me up in the morning, I got carsick, we had mediocre diner breakfast and what’s after that isn’t news worth talking about. Isn’t it bad enough the tail end of the trip took up like a third of this post?

All in all... it felt like a disaster. I’m not gonna lie. In weird ways the stars aligned that TWRP would end up on Conan the night of their show and have to reschedule to the day I came to town, but I paid for it with otherwise bad timing and my body deciding against me having a good time. Fun was had, don’t get me wrong. The good was good and any chance to get away from... this, is appreciated, but it just seemed like everything went awry.

Mucho thanks to @conniecorleone again, for letting me crash on the futon and be my usual bland self, even blander while ill, and also buying me expensive cold syrup and a-many ubers.

We’ll see if Massachusetts and I ever cross paths again.

#sam does boston round two

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emeto-things · 6 years

Text

My Emet Story

I’m going to try to make this the least triggering as possible. The reason I’m sharing this is to tell you guys you aren’t alone, and to maybe give you comfort in the fact I think/act just as “weird” as you do (:

I’m currently 15 years old, and to be totally honest, I can’t remember a day without emetophobia. My earliest memory with emetophobia is when I was probably about 6-7.

I was at the mall with my mom, sister and grandma and we all got coffee and a cookie and the cookies are pretty big, especially for a little 6 year old. But I ate it, and then my stomach hurt a little afterwards. I don’t remember being scared I just remember not feeling good. Then, we got in the car to pick up my brother and cousin from school and I think I was maybe drawing in the car? This was before I realized I had an issue with motion s*ness. So then I started to feel even worse - still not scared though. But randomly, I was listening to my mom and cousin’s conversation and my cousin said the word “g*” and I just remember I started breathing heavily and my heart started pounding and I clenched on to my sister saying “oh my gosh!!! I’m scared i’ll get s*!!!” Thankfully I didn’t, but when I got home I remember laying on the couch crying. That was the first memory I had of being scared of s*ness.

Then it kinda disappeared, I didn’t ever think about being s* other than when I didn’t feel good which is probably like most people.

Then I was about 7 years old, and it had snowed for the first time of the year. I was outside with my siblings and I ate a TON of it which wasn’t smart and apparently you aren’t supposed to eat the first snow? I don’t know if that’s a myth or not but either way I didn’t know it back then and my parents weren’t watching me. I may have even possibly eaten around where my dog had peed (Gross, I know). I literally made a meal off of snow that day. That night, I v*ed and it was my earliest memory of v*ing other than when I was much smaller and had another s*ness which I barely remember. But I wasn’t really scared then either, I just felt horrible.

As you can probably already tell, I’ve had emetophobic tendencies in me forever (the crying, rapid breathing, racing heart, and being scared) isn’t typical reactions people that v* have. But my real phobia didn’t start until 2011 when I was 8.

A normal flu (not v* but respiratory flu) was going around and my brother had caught it. I was sleeping peacefully one night in my bedroom that was dreadfully right next to the bathroom - so basically I heard everything that went on in the bathroom, pretty gross, I know. But the sound of my brother v*ing woke me up that night. I didn’t know what was going on but a strange fear took over me again, same as when my cousin said the triggering g* word. Obviously back then I didn’t know such a phobia existed, and I didn’t know my feelings over v* were abnormal.

I ran into my parents room and woke my mom up to ask her what was going on. She told me that my brother was purposely making himself v* because it made him feel better? I still don’t understand but that’s why. I just remember peering over my moms bed to see the light in the bathroom shining out the door as I was uncontrollably shaking. My parents thought I was overreacting a little bit but again, I thought it was normal.

I stayed up the rest of the night in total fear that it was going to happen to me. And the fact that he was making himself do it didn’t register with my 7 year old brain - I still thought it was a contagious thing even though it wasn’t. Then a few hours went by and my throat began to get sore. I had came down with the flu too.

My mom told me it was nothing to worry about because v*ing wasn’t a part of it and again tried to convince me my brother purposely did it and it wasn’t part of his illness. The whole time of having that flu, I was scared. Thinking any minute that I would v* too. Thankfully, my mom was right and it didn’t happen. After the flu went away I was back to my normal self, not thinking about v* ever.

Then in 2013 when I was 10, it started back. I was in the pool that summer and my mom came outside to tell my dad who was supervising me in the pool, that my brother had just v*ed and I remember jumping out of the pool and screaming and crying. I ended up calming down and then I was mostly okay again for a long period of time.

The fall of 2013 got really tough, I remember every time I’d get in the car I would become worried i’d get car s* which is something I never thought about before. I remember sitting in the middle row of the car just crying and whining that I was nervous of getting s*. My mom convinced me over & over that car s*ness doesn’t happen from just sitting there and watching out the windows but I didn’t believe her.

Towards the end of 2013 around Christmas time, I remember isolating myself in my bedroom telling myself over and over “I won’t be s*, I won’t be s*, I won’t be s*” and I was scared to take a shower because just being in a bathroom caused me to freak out.

I would take a shower every 5 days and being 10 almost 11, my hair would get so oily and I wouldn’t smell very good but I couldn’t bring myself to go in the bathroom longer than to pee.

I would take a shower with the door cracked open and my mom outside and I’d rush so fast to get out of the bathroom because I associated bathrooms with v*. Then my phobia kinda disappeared again.

Being 11 was probably my best age, I don’t remember the thought of v* ever even coming to my mind, I was a very happy 11 year old.

I was in an art class, I had some great friends who I hung out with a lot, I made a fan twitter account for my favorite band and I had a lot of online friends I’d chat with, i started editing videos of my favorite band and posting them to YouTube and overall had an amazing year. That all took a turn for the worst in 2015.

The end of 2014 I got my first period. My mom had never taught me about it, I had only heard a little bit from my sister and mom talking occasionally and from googling things when I’d be upset my friends knew about it and I didn’t.

My period made my anxiety way worse which as I said, I didn’t know ANYTHING about the affects periods have on the body.

And I finally got the hang of them around maybe my 3rd period or so, and I had learned a lot about them by then but my anxiety still worsened a lot around that time of the month.

In April of 2015, I went to my art class like I did every week. I was never in love with the class because my teacher was really mean to me but I stuck with it because I wanted something to do. Until one night I woke up feeling horrible. I remember immediately panicking but I somehow fell asleep during my panic attack only to wake up again only a few hours later and feeling even worse. I’m going to spare the details to avoid triggers, but eventually I ended up v*ing. And you’d think, afterwards I’d be like “wow I’m glad that’s over and now I can move on” but no. I knew that very SECOND that this was going to affect me the rest of my life.

I was so dazed. I couldn’t believe it had happened to me. I could literally feel the phobia taking over my body and that everything I would do would be affected.

The next day, I had a small stomach ache which I would usually ignore, but this time I had a strike of anxiety rush through me which was unusual. I ran to my room and hid away from everyone just crying and freaking out until the pain went away.

I then noticed I was overly focussed on bodily sensations. If my stomach had any feeling at all that wasn’t “normal” I’d freak out. If I had a headache, or my throat was tight I’d get scared. If I felt anything even remotely close to how I did when I v*ed I’d be so anxious I would cry and scream.

The summer of 2015 was really good despite my anxiety, it was very minuscule. My emet was with me everywhere I went but not to the point I couldn’t do anything.

In October of 2015, I had my first panic attack. I didn’t know what it was, but I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. I also didn’t know anything about panic Attacks so I thought it was a once in a lifetime thing, I didn’t know they were a reoccurring thing. I remember sitting on the couch physically too weak to stand up because of how worn out I was from consistent panic attacks.

In 2016 I developed OCD, meaning I would touch doorknobs a certain number of times or else “I’d be s* that night” and I’d refold clothes until they looked “right” or else I would for some reason v* and it was miserable. I couldn’t even clean my room without getting worn out from repeatedly folding things or straightening my sheets and I would plug and unplug my phone which is really bad for it but my OCD told me to or else I’d be s*.

I also became very paranoid of germs and started limiting the places I went to and anytime I’d go anywhere, I’d be on edge for 3 days because that was how long it took to get s* with the sv* I had so I figured if I made it past 3 days id be fine, but those 3 day I wouldn’t do that much of anything because I was so scared. Certain foods also became an issue, eating eggs would scare me and as soon as I got done eating I’d rush to my computer and google symptoms of fp* and freak out and cry until the magical “6 hours” passed and then I knew I was okay. That was my life every day for a YEAR.

2017, my OCD got miraculously better which has to be a God thing because there’s no human way I did that myself, it’s like God took it away for me and I’m so grateful I don’t struggle without OCD debilitating anhmore!!!

But in 2017 my food issue because horrible. I restricted my diet to basically water, chocolate, granola bars, cereal and ice cream. Junk and more junk which in turn made me feel s*, but then if I ate a real meal with meat I’d be scared. I also started having horrrible sleeping hours due to panicking every night.

Currently in 2018, food is still my biggest struggle and I’m just now gaining back the weight I lost last year and it’s definitely still a struggle but I believe we will all get through this together❤️❤️❤️

** I can definitely relate to the fear of bathrooms. If I felt s* at all, I would avoid them as much as possible because it made it more “real”. I had some OCD tendencies as well. You’re so young and you’ll get over it just like I did!! Good luck <3 **

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thecatladyknits · 6 years

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I need to write this out but I do not want or need advice. I just need to get it out and I need people to just... give me a hug. I repeat, no advice. No tips. No 'it could be worse'. No 'it takes time to adjust'. "No 'you're tough'. Please don't offer anything except love and hugs or I will go out of my fucking mind. Not that tons of people comment, but for the love of god please just don't. Just.please.listen.

(This is a c&p from a private fb post so this may repeat things, but I don’t care to edit).

It's been one fucking thing after another.

A few weeks ago, I went to a skin clinic to look into acne treatment/laser/peels, whatever, for my back especially. I cried the whole way through the consultation, but it sounded like they could help. D doesn't want me to decide immediately and wants to help me think about it. He's totally suspicious and skeptical of the pricing as a package vs. ad-hoc and isn't being supportive at all, but I say fuck it and pre-pay A LOT of money for 12 various treatments. About a week ago, I got a chemical peel on my back, which was one of the most anxiety-inducing things ever. Show my disgusting back to someone who tells me NO PICK! NO PICK! AFTER THIS YOU NO PICK!! Yes, after 25 years, just yell NO PICK and I'm cure; it's just that easy.

The next day I finally go to a doctor for the rash bc I can't take the itching it anymore. I have to show her everything and she's like "oh, yes, I can see it on your chest" and I'm like "no, that's acne" and so I have to walk through my disgusting skin again pointing out what is acne and what is eczema. She tells me it could be due to change of environment and bc "it's so dry here" (lol you've never been in MI or OH in the winter; come back to me about dryness). Like fucking great, suddenly all the plants and trees in the West hate me??

The chemical peel doesn't seem to do much. It feels like a very mild sunburn for about 3 days and maybe I have a little extra skin slough off in the shower, but no difference (if you look up chemical peels on YouTube, people have literal sheets of skin peeling off... maybe that's not good, but it seems to work for them). They told me it will take time, but literally not the slightest bit of difference is apparent.

I sort of light-heartedly posted about the eczema on Friday but it is fucking DESTROYING me. Most of the hives are gone, but it was so fucking itchy that I have scabs all up and down my arms and my thighs. Prednisone helped tremendously, but today was my last day on it. It's making my appetite crazy and giving me wicked heartburn, but I'm so hungry I just keep eating anyway.

It seems like sweating exacerbates it; I walked around a bunch yesterday and I got a little sweaty (not insanely, but a little), but I didn't shower until evening like usual. Much more itchy yesterday and today. Also, I'm so ashamed that my arms and legs look so bad, I'm wearing long sleeves and pants outside the house even when short sleeve would be fine, but guess what, that makes me sweat more. Hell cycle.

I join a gym bc I'm fat and am sick of being fat, and I haven't been there in 2 weeks bc I'm too embarrassed by my scabby skin to go. So here I am, continuing getting fatter.

I joined Meetup.com to try to make friends, and I tried to go to one yesterday, and it was a failure. I took 2 bus rides for 45 mins to get there, and I got confused at the transfer, bc I had to go to a different bus stop and cannot read even a fucking Google map with dots and me as a moving dot on it to save my fucking life. I get to the meet up right on time, and I'm looking around for the one person whose photo is actual visible on the site, and I don't see her. No one has a sign or a water bottle with a sticker and it's just at a coffee shop with a zillion different groups of people there and I'm too timid to walk up to a rando group. I message the girl and she's like "oh I'm not there today” and “sorry they just left." So I wander around the park by myself, call my mom and have a fucking meltdown. I did make it back home okay, but not after getting turned around YET AGAIN bc I can't read a fucking map.

And bc I'm fat, I busted through the legs of my jeans not that long ago, so I bought 1 new pair and then went looking for non-jean lighter comfy pants. I found a brand I liked at TJ Maxx, and went back and bought 3 more pairs yesterday. Literally only 1 of the 3 fit; the other two don't go past my thighs DESPITE BEING THE SAME BRAND AND SIZE.

There's a Zumba class at 10 am on Mondays that I really like and the instructor doesn't teach at any other time and my boss says it's fine for me to go as long as I have the time free. So I purposely block the time on my calendar bc it was free forever. Today another team lead schedules recurring meetings at, you guessed it, 10 am every fucking Monday.

D has been gone for over a week and won't be back until Thursday. We talk on the phone and I firmly ask if we can PLEASE get a coffee table (we have a cardboard box rn), I know he is particular, but can we please get one? He says something about being broke (he is definitely NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BROKE), but then says yeah okay. He talks about finances a bit and I'm like haha if I had $1mil, I would buy a house here and he's like, you could make it there! You'd be surprised how quickly money rolls in when you don't have debt! and I'm just like lol k. Then I'm like wah I'm lonely, wish you could be home more and he gets mildly offended like, well, I don't have a choice and then is like YOU could always come travel with ME and I'm like ...I don't feel like I can do that financially. (Didn't he literally just talk about saving money by not having debts?) Then he's like well, guess I'll get going and I'm like great, we're ending on a grumpy note, super cool.

So. There are like 50 things going absolutely wrong here and I am trying my fucking HARDEST AS HARD to not lose my fucking shit, but I AM FUCKING LOSING IT.

I try to fix my terrible skin; it falls apart spectacularly in a totally different and unexpected way.

I try to get fit and now I can't go to the class I really enjoy OH and I also and too humiliated bc I LOOK LIKE A LEPER to be seen.

I try to make friends and I get fucking ditched.

I try to use the bus system and I can't read a simple map.

I try to make a request or discuss grown-up things with my boyfriend and he gets offended and contradictory about money.

I'M FUCKING LONELY, I JUST WANT TO LOOK HALFWAY NORMAL, NOT BE ITCHY CONSTANTLY, NOT BE ASHAMED 24/7 AND NOT FEEL LIKE I'M UNDER A FUCKING CURSE. FUCK.ME.

#fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck #i hate everything #i am cursed #bad skin #no friends #lonely #ugly #fat #eczema #acne #fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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unwritrecipes · 3 years

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Mini Pavlovas with Strawberries and Vanilla Whipped Cream

It’s Friday! And it’s April! And its Spring! And there are holidays and vaccines…and pavlovas!! Specifically, these Mini Pavlovas with Strawberries and Vanilla Whipped Cream! So, so much to celebrate!!

If you’ve never had pavlova before, you are going to adore this perfect dinner party dessert and if you’re a already a pavlova-lover, you, like me, are kicking yourself and wondering why you don’t make this light, airy, fruity dessert more often?!!

There are many stories about the origins of pavlova (usually it’s attributed to a ballerina or Australia or something like that—I’ll spare you the details since you can go ahead and google it if you like) but what I will tell you about this very classic dessert is that it consists of a meringue shell which gets filled with whipped cream, sometimes also a fruit curd and then topped with a variety of fresh fruit. Major yum!!

Oh, and It’s a WOW factor dessert too—people will literally ooh and aah when you bring it out to the table…until you cut into it, at which point the whole thing falls apart but nobody cares because it all tastes so heavenly and everyone is busy stuffing their mouths with spoonful after spoonful of it!

Today we’re making little individual pavlovas, which are fun and maybe a smarter serve given the spread of germs these days. Anyhoo, the meringue shells are truly easy to make as long as you follow these 3 simple rules:

1) Beat the egg whites until they are really stiff.

2) Cook the meringues low and slow and let them entirely dry out in the oven.

3) Try not to make them on a rainy or really humid day or you run the risk of unwanted sogginess.

You can pipe the meringue onto the baking sheets to get really neat circles, or like me, you can simply just spoon them out, for a more freeform, rustic, craggy look.

And you can then bake them as is or decorate the edges with some chopped nuts (I used pistachios) for added color, crunch and flavor.

Once the meringues have baked and entirely cooled, you simply fill them with an easy-to-make homemade vanilla whipped cream

And scatter sliced strawberries atop that.

So pretty!

And so right for now! Light and crisp meringue, pillowy vanilla whipped cream and sweet strawberries—how can you go wrong?!!

Have a wonderful holiday weekend my friends and I’ll be back next week with more seasonal food and fun!xoxo

Mini Pavlovas with Strawberries and Vanilla Whipped Cream

Makes 12 servings

Prep Time for meringues: 35 minutes; Bake Time: 2 and ½ hours, plus several hours cooling in oven; Prep Time for berries and whipped cream: 10-15 minutes

Ingredients

For the meringues

1 ¼ cups sugar

6 large egg whites

Pinch of cream of tartar

½ teaspoon kosher salt

1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise or 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

½ cup finely chopped pistachios, for decorating (optional)

For the pavlovas

2 pints strawberries, hulled and sliced (you could definitely sub in raspberries, blueberries or any combo of berries you prefer)

1 ¼ cups heavy cream

2 tablespoons sugar

1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract

The Recipe

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF. Place the sugar in a shallow baking dish, like a pie plate or pyrex dish and bake for 8 minutes. Meanwhile place the egg whites in the bowl of the electric mixer with the whisk attachment. When the timer rings for the 8 minutes, set the timer for 2 more minutes for sugar and beat the egg whites with the cream of tartar until foamy. It’s fine if you only have a handheld mixer—you’ll just have to beat for a little longer later on in the process.

2. Remove the sugar from the oven and turn the temperature down to 200ºF. With the mixer still running, slowly pour (or spoon) the sugar into the eggs, eventually adding the salt. Now turn the mixer on to high speed and beat until stiff peaks form and the sides of the bowl are barely warm when you touch them. This will definitely take at least 8-10 minutes and longer for a handheld mixer. Add in the vanilla bean seeds or extract and beat just to mix.

3. Line two rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper and scoop out 12 equalish-sized meringue mounds, dividing between the two sheets. Use the back of spoon to make a little well in the center of each mound, so that the rounds are about 3-inches across. If you are using the pistachios, decorate the edges of the well with them to create a border.

4. Bake the sheets for about 2 ½ hours, reversing the sheets from top to bottom and back to front after about an hour to help them cook evenly. Meringues are done when they feel dry and firm to the touch. Turn off the oven and use a wooden spoon to prop open the oven door. Let the meringues cool completely in the oven. This will take at least a couple of hours. You can definitely make these 1 day ahead and store them in an airtight container at room temperature.

5. Right before you’re ready to serve them, whip the heavy cream with the sugar and vanilla until soft peaks form. Spoon a generous amount of whipped cream into the mounds of each meringue and top with the sliced strawberries. Serve immediately.

6. Leftover unfilled meringue shells can be stored at room temperature in an airtight container for at least 1 week and filled as needed.

Enjoy!

Note: Recipe adapted from a 2015 edition of Bon Appétit Magazine. I tinkered with proportions and ingredients.

#Sugar #Egg Whites #Cream of Tartar #Kosher Salt #Vanilla Bean #Pistachios #Strawberries #Heavy Cream #Vanilla Extract

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salutationtothestars · 6 years

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get to know me meme

hey i was tagged by @team-dynamike to do this thing, which i haven’t done in ages, so why not!!!

RULES: answer the 20 questions in a new post and tag 20 (ha!) blogs you would like to get to know better.

NICKNAME: i am actually strictly anti-derivative nicknames because the only thing you can get out of my name is “kris” and i am not a kris. so just kristyn is fine.

GENDER: cis female

STAR SIGN: gemini

HEIGHT: 5'3″? ish? i hover somewhere between 5′3″ and 5′4″ depending on the day, who’s measuring, etc

TIME RIGHT NOW: 3:57 in the afternoon. thought abt putting it off until 4:20. didn’t.

LAST THING I GOOGLED: “french names with bad meanings,” for a possible new dnd character’s family tree

FAVORITE BANDS: it’s totally a cliche but i’ll listen to just about anything? so it’s hard to pick this kind of thing. if i had to pick like just off the top of my head i’d say florence + the machine, ninja sex party (but specifically their 80s covers), mumford + sons, imagine dragons, pigpen theatre co., uh. shit like queen and celtic woman. and i’m one of those white girls who unironically enjoys coldplay.

FAVORITE SOLO ARTISTS: david bowie, billie holiday, owl city (does this count????), sam smith, nat king cole. basically most of the popular solo artists today i enjoy on some level.

SONG STUCK IN YOUR HEAD: no fucking joke i’ve had the ace attorney anime theme stuck in my head all day. that part with the gold chains and the scales? unbelievable. i lose my shit every time.

LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: the last movie i sat down to actively watch was what we do in the shadows, probably

LAST TV SHOW I WATCHED: the office

WHEN DID YOU CREATE YOUR BLOG: the Year Of Our Lord 2011, i think. maybe late 2010. i’m ancient and forever.

WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU POST: mostly reblogs, the standard stuff i’m enjoying, things i’m thinking about, or my specific brand. i’m still adjusting back into making personal posts after they took replies away. i also had a period of an unhealthy attachment to some stuff and after that i found it’s easier to talk with other people on my private twitter. even posting writing feels counterproductive. if i get back into poetry again i might put some here.

WHEN DID YOUR BLOG REACH ITS PEAK: idk? my followers climb steadily still at a pretty slow pace, defining something as my golden age already passed feels kind of like a bummer. i’m just here to look at shit and occasionally connect with people, u kno

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS: only a couple dummies for when i’m working on html stuff

DO YOU GET ASKS REGULARLY: nahhhhhh but that’s ok

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL: i’ve been in the middle of a les mis phase for like nearly 10 years and at that time i pulled from one of my favorite parts of the book to make “salutationtothestars.” kept it all this time. when the movie came out i felt like i was in the RIGHT PLACE, ahead of the curve, you know

FOLLOWING: 165. nice low number.

POSTS: uh......... too many. approaching 100k. i don’t want to tell you the number.

HOGWARTS HOUSE: sun in ravenclaw, hufflepuff rising

POKEMON TEAM: what was the red one? valor? yes. valor.

FAVORITE COLORS: red, blue, and green, all variations! i’m especially fond of maroon, kind of a oceany blue, and forest green.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: these days i literally don’t function anywhere under 7 hours, but that might be left over from when i was sick. i try to get between 7-8, sometimes 9 or 10 on the weekends

LUCKY NUMBERS: it depends? 13 and 8, i guess

FAVORITE CHARACTERS: TOO MANY. WAY TOO MANY. for the sake of a truncated, quick “about me” list: auron (final fantasy x), sophie hatter (howl’s moving castle), javert (les mis), brienne of tarth (got), maric (dragon age), jim kirk (star trek tos), april ryan (the longest journey)

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW: flashdance cut pride & prejudice sweater, short shorts, leggings

HOW MANY BLANKETS DO YOU SLEEP WITH: just under my comforter, no sheet. i used to make fun of my sister for sleeping without a top sheet but boy have i seen the light, top sheets are stupid

DREAM JOB: something with writing or editing, probably? i genuinely don’t know tbh

DREAM TRIP: england again! a tour of japan! i want to see like, ALL of italy! i would love to visit any place that has ANY historical or emotional significance to me, which would probably take me my whole life

i know this is also cliche but i tag anybody who wants to. i see these sometimes and i’m like “nah i don’t want to like, use this as an opportunity to talk about myself” but i’m telling you! YOU! this is your chance. go forth and talk about yourself. i give you permission to share yourself with the world. be a little vain for a few minutes. tell everybody i directly tagged you. it’s fine.

#teamdynamike

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rudemaidenswrite · 6 years

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Ice Cold and Mind Games 4

https://rudemaidenswrite.tumblr.com/post/146022615221/ice-cold-and-mind-games?is_related_post=1

https://rudemaidenswrite.tumblr.com/post/146022754441/ice-cold-and-mind-games-part-2

https://rudemaidenswrite.tumblr.com/post/159499388911/ice-cold-mind-games-part-3

The long awaited Part 4! Everyone can blame Sylvanas because she is the one who has had the story edited for literally a year but never posted it.

Warnings: Language. Sexual implications. Injuries. Drugs.

“It totally clashes with my hair! I’m not gonna wear this!” Stacie yelled at Logan. “I demand a refund.”

“Stacie you didn’t even pay for it.” Logan sighed.

“Well I’m still not gonna wear it.” ‘You only picked purple cause it Jessie’s favorite color.’

“I…did not.” Logan defensively growled as he started to flush. He snuck a look at Jessie who was spinning in circles with Kurt.

“Mmhmmmm sure you didn’t.”

“Just get changed Barcus.”

“For the millionth time I am not wearing purple with purple hair!”

“Stacie Stacie Stacie! Lookie it’s purple!” Jessie sang as she ran up to Stacie and hugged her.

Stacie patted Jessie’s head. “I can see that tiny child, I do have eyeballs.”

“Oh really I would have never guessed. Just let me be happy about it ya big meanie.”

“Alright smart ass.” Stacie threatened getting in Jessie’s face.

“Barcus go change!” Logan said pulling Stacie away.

Stacie pouted at Logan. “Bbbbbuuuuuutttttttttt Mr. Logannnnnn.”

“Stop trying to butter me up.” Logan sighed.

“Hey babe.” Peter zoomed up to the trio. “Why haven’t you changed yet?”

“Because it’s purple.”

“You like purple. I mean your hair is purple.”

“Exactly. I can’t wear a purple onesie with purple hair.”

“Wellllll technically it’s a jumpsuit.”

“Peter shut it.”

“But baaaaabbbbbeeeeeee. I have an idea.”

Stacie pinched her nose. “And just what is your idea?”

The jumpsuit in her hand changed from purple to black. “We’ll trade.”

Stacie held it in disgust. “I know for a fact you weren’t wearing anything under this.”

Alex held back his laughter. “Come on Stacie you sleep with Peter on a constant basis.”

“Oh shut it Summers!” Stacie angrily stormed off towards the locker room with Jessie in tow.

“Do you really need me to be with you when you change?” Jessie asked, sitting on a bench.

“Yesssss I has many things to tell you.”

“Oooooo gossip yay!” Jessie said excitedly. “Who’s it about?”

“Give you three guesses Pam.”

“No…Nooo…Noooo?” Jessie said playing along before they start laughing.

“I’m so glad you get my terrible references.”

“Anyways who’s the person in question that the 411 is about?”

“411? What the fuck is the 411?” Stacie hung her head in shame.

“Google it.” Jessie laughed.

“Google? What’s Google?”

“Google it!”

“You did not do that.”

“Um I think I just did.” Jessie said with a smile.

“Sometimes I just wanna hide your body somewhere. But then I think who would help me hide the body, and so I give up.”

“Well I’m so glad you need me for things like that.” Jessie said as she rolled her eyes.

“Okay getting back on the topic before you derailed it with your 90’s lingo, isn’t it odd that we got purple jumpsuits and the guys got black ones?”

“What are you talking about? It’s awesome that we got purple! I mean I love purple!” Jessie jumped up and down clapping.

“You really are secretly a child aren’t you?”

“Noooooo. It’s just purple. You remember when I found those sheets at Goodwill.”

“Yes. You screamed and got kicked out for disrupting the peace. And I had to buy them for you.”

“Good times.” Jessie smiled.

“Stop derailing!”

“Are you two done in there yet?” Logan hollered from the entrance.

“No! Squeezing these puppies in here is really difficult!”

“Stacie!” Jessie says slapping her on the shoulder.

“Shut it. I gotta procrastinate to talk to you.”

“Oh yeah…duh.” Jessie laughed.

“Well hurry up. We don’t have the danger room forever.” Logan said sounding annoyed.

“Bite me old man.” Stacie said annoyed. Logan groaned and walked away from the door. She turned back to Jessie. “Okay before we get derailed and forcibly get dragged out of here I guess I should put this on.”

“Yes. Yes you should or we may fail this part of school, but while you’re changing what’s the gossip?”

‘The only reason we, well you and Peter, have purple onesies is because Logan picked it for you because he wants to impress you.’ Stacie hissed through their bond.

‘Nooooooo you’re lying it’s just by luck that they’re purple. Logan’s not even in control of ordering the jumpsuits. Wait is he?’

‘Well considering he’s the one in charge of the uniforms for the X-Men, yes. Yes he is. Dumbass.’

‘I thought it was Hank.’

‘Hank is in charge of making sure the suits don’t get destroyed when we use our powers.’

‘Oh. Oh so you mean Logan really picked purple for me?’

‘No I’m telling you the sun is really purple and you’re just colorblind. Of course that’s what I’m telling you idiot.’

‘Well ya don’t have to be mean about it.’ Jessie stuck her tongue out at Stacie before heading out of the locker room.

“Wait I need you to zip me up.” Stacie yells after Jessie.

“Zip your own boobs!”

“Fine be that way.” Stacie followed Jessie out with her jumpsuit unzipped.

“Took you two long enough.” Logan sighed. “Wait why isn’t it zipped?”

“Cause. Boobs.”

“That’s why I gave you the purple one. It was for you specifically and your chest region.”

“I got you babe.” Peter walked up and zipped it.

“Oh god. Can’t breath. Jessie I should have worn the binder today.”

“Suck it up Barcus. You’re the one who traded with Maximoff.”

“Okay so no. Peter decided that we were trading.”

“Ugh just let’s get started with class okay?” Logan said as he signaled to Hank to start the simulation. “Alright so this is just a basic obstacle course, well with fire. But there is no chance of injury, just make it through the course without dying.”

“Oh I am so glad you’re our teacher for this.” Stacie sarcastically rolls her eyes as she walks to the start line with the others.

“Now you need to do this without powers, it is just to test your strength. Understand Peter and Kurt no super speed or teleporting!”

“Really I can freeze things and she can read minds how exactly is that gonna help with this?” Jessie asks.

“No putting the fires out.” Logan says bluntly. “And Stacie no making me think you’ve completed the course when you haven’t.”

“Oh that’s just unfair!” Stacie says.

“Now Alex knows the drill.” Logan says ignoring Stacie’s comment. “You have to climb over some stuff, walk across some stuff, crawl for a bit, and climb over a wall at one point.”

“I can’t climb stuff.” Stacie whines.

“Teamwork. Now get ready and go!” Logan said.

“Wait what?” Jessie looks confused as she looks at Stacie, while the boys have taken off.

“Does he expect us to like run?” Stacie asks.

“GO” Logan yells.

“We only run in embarrassingly short distances.” Jessie stated before she and Stacie are picked up and thrown onto the course by Logan.

They start going through the course climbing, crawling and running in short bursts. The boys already super far ahead of them. The girls reach a part of the course with lots of fire and one of the trees that line the course caught fire and starts to fall towards Jessie.

“Jessie no!” Stacie threw her hand out to stop the branch from falling.

“Huh?” Jessie turned and saw the branch starting to fall in slow motion. She instinctively took a step back and tottered on the edge of the platform.

“Alex catch Jessie!” Stacie shouted as she rushed towards Jessie. She slammed into Jessie pushing her off the platform. Jessie fell into the waiting arms of Alex. Stacie’s foot caught on one of the ropes lining the platform. She fell forward onto the platform. “Oof.”

Logan stood with his arms crossed impressed with the groups teamwork. He took in a deep breath. The distinctive smell of burning wood greeted his nostrils. ‘That’s not a good smell.’ Logan inwardly sighed. Of course something would go wrong.

“Ahhhhhhh” Stacie screamed in pain.

“No Stacie!” Jessie yelled. Ice shot up in razor sharp spikes around her and Alex.

“Cut the simulation Hank!” Logan yelled running over to where Stacie was, climbing up to the platform with ease. Pulling the very real burning branch off Stacie; it took him a moment to realize that the room had not changed back. “Damnit Hank! I said cut it!”

“I did!” Hank said frantically running through the door. “This is out of our control.”

“What the hell is going on?” Jessie yelled.

“Let’s get the wounded to the med bay.” Hank said calmly. He scanned over the group quickly. Peter was frozen in fear.

“Kurt get up here now! Teleport us to the med bay.” Logan commands.

BAMF! “Of course of course.” Kurt appeared beside Logan and Stacie. He wrapped his tail around her arm before Logan placed a hand on him.

“Wait.” Stacie weakly stretched a hand out.

“Barcus stop moving. You’re wounded.”

“I gotta say something first. Asshat.”

Logan sighed. “Make it quick.”

“Peter I told you showers after breakfast are bad luck.”

BAMF! Logan, Kurt and Stacie appeared in the med bay. “What the hell have I told you about teleporting in here Kurt?”

“Stacie’s wounded. I told him too.” Logan growled at Jean.

“I thought you were doing the Danger Room today?”

“We were. Now stop asking questions and stabilize her.” Logan laid her on the table.

Jean glared momentarily at Logan before starting to work on stabilizing Stacie.

“So what exactly happened today Logan?” The Professor said clapping his hands together.

Logan sighed. “They were running the obstacle course. One of the branches started to fall. Normally it would have phased out and everything would be fine. Stacie threw her hand out and it started to fall in slow motion. She pushed Jessie off the platform into Alex’s arms. Her foot got caught in the ropes and she fell. The branch fell on top of her. Hank cut the simulation but nothing changed.”

Stacie started to move on the table. Hank leaned over and checked her iv fluids level. He turned up the morphine drip another degree. She immediately ceased her movements. “Honestly Professor I’ve never seen anything like it before. Everything was running normally until the incident.”

“It seems our young telepath has more to her powers than previously thought.”

-Le time skip to after Stacie is stabilized-

Stacie started to wake up. She hazily moved her arms around. “Wow I feel great! What is this stuff? It’s amazing! Can I have it to go?”

“You’re staying here for a while so you can just stay on it right now.” Jessie said sighing. Of course now that Stacie was awake, the first thing she wanted was more drugs.

“Oh where am I?” Stacie asked turning her head towards Jessie.

“You’re in the med bay, you got hurt trying to protect me from a falling tree branch.”

“Oh did I protect you?” Stacie slurred out.

“No you didn’t, what do you think?” Jessie said sarcastically.

“What I didn’t?!” Stacie asked almost in tears.

“No no you did I’m fine you did protect me, I’m fine no crying.”

“What is going on? Why is Stacie crying?” Peter asked walking in.

“She’s high. And I tried to joke with her that she didn’t save me and she freaked out.” Jessie bluntly states.

“Oh okay.” He didn’t look convinced.

“No like really high.”

“Ohhhhhh” Peter said. “No no no. You can’t sit up Stacie. You have to stay on your front!” Peter rushed over and gently pushed her back down.

“You’re my best friend why didn’t I save you?!” Stacie balled.

“What is going on in here.” Scott asked walking in.

“She’s high.” Jessie said. “Like really high.”

“Why is she asking why she didn’t save you, and crying hysterically?”

“Um… she’s just really high.” Jessie jumps at the sound of a newspaper rustling.

“Jessie tried to joke with her that she didn’t save her.” Hank stated as he looked over his paper. “It didn’t end well as you can see.”

“Holy crap how long have you been here?” Jessie asked surprised.

“I’ve been here the whole time, you even looked at me when you walked in.”

“Oh really? I did not even notice you.”

“Alright. Visiting hours are over for the night. Everyone out.” Scott said as he started to shoo Jessie and Peter out. They grumbled but complied. “Hank hold on.” Scott grabbed Hank’s arm. “Are the rumors true?”

Hank pulled his glasses off and placed them in his jacket pocket. “It would appear so.”

TAGS: @markusstraya

#wolverine #quicksilver #nightcrawler #cyclops #professor x #storm #jean grey #beast #hank mccoy #peter maximoff #logan #charles xavier #Scott Summers #rudemaidenswrite

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adamharkus · 5 years

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How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Spider V 120 + Relay G10. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

I’ve been a professional musician and full-time music teacher for about 24 years. I got a very early start working exclusively at music schools. The number one thing I learned as a teacher is that music is always changing, times are always changing, and kids today are not like kids yesterday. To keep a student’s interests you have to keep up with the times. Another important aspect to teaching is being able to introduce students to (quite literally) everything there is to know about the world they’ve just entered.

The traditional method of teaching for years was, “Learn to read music. Here’s a book.” The contemporary method after the birth of the internet was years of, “tabs are the way to go. You’ll learn faster!” Good teachers new and old will tell you that theory is important.

It’s all important!

Some students are learning classical guitar. Some are learning acoustic, some electric. You have to fine tune the curriculum to match each student. Some aren’t at all interested in electric guitar, or acoustic guitar, or certain genres. I had a student recently ask about some tech in my studio only to reply, “Okay, okay, I don’t care…” We had a chat about rudeness, but what I learned was, “Not everyone is techy.” The most important thing is to really lock into what interests each student. You have to balance their needs with their wants.

Technology has played a huge role.

We used to only involve technology in lessons via a tape/CD player, and some form of a metronome (wind-up, quartz, digital…) Today, those things have been elevated and replaced by technical advancements like YouTube, metronome apps, music players, and even apps designed to isolate sound, slow down the music, loop sections, change keys, and more. I found a valuable tool in the Capo app for iOS for many years. Unfortunately, that app dropped quickly in popularity and usefulness amongst the student population when they shifted over to the subscription sales model. They went from high sales to zero percent sales amongst 700+ students at the school I work for all week. Guitar Pro is a fantastic app for creating high quality sheet music in any form – rhythm, notation, and tablature. There’s a mobile version of the app that opens sheets to read and play along with. No editing in the mobile version, but with a one-time purchase the software allows students to hear any song I give them sheet music for if they wish to download a digital copy. Great!

Enter Line 6.

Another avenue for technology in the guitar world is in our amps and digital effects. Companies like Line 6 paved the way a long time ago for amplifiers to have built-in effects and other features such as tuners. Popular companies like Fender and Boss/Roland caught up and now it’s very easy to find many great amps with on-board effects. I have a Marshall with built-in chorus and delay. Still, with everything out there, Line 6 has made their market bloom with one very important concept: USER FRIENDLINESS.

While they do target both hobbyist and professionals alike, I think they might be overlooking the potential in the world of students. But THIS veteran music teacher has embraced that potential. Years ago when I started at the school where I work now, the owner asked what amps we should supply the studios with. We didn’t need big amps, just practice size ones. However, many of the smaller amps on the market didn’t have a big tone in a small body. They’d sound thin, the overdrive would sound weak or too tinny. Effects weren’t even an option. The decision to stock the school with great sounding practice amps that had a good amount of features at an affordable price lead us to purchasing the Line 6 Spider III 15 amps. They were plenty loud for a small studio, but with great tone at low and higher volume levels. The onboard effects made for a little fun for students to tinker with new sounds that they didn’t know were possible with guitar. The amps were about $100 each, which was within budget when stocking up and furnishing an entire school. The end result: An entire school full of Line 6 Spider III amps.

Now, years later, we see the Spider V on the market, and the new MKII which has some really great upgrades like Impulse Responses.

So how is Line 6 influencing my teaching now?

How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Spider V 120 + Relay G10. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Line 6 Firehawk FX + Spider V 120. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Line 6 Variax. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Line 6 Firehawk FX. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Line 6 Variax. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

How Line 6 and other tech helps me as a teacher. Line 6 Spider III. The Blogging Musician @ adamharkus.com

While the school has Spider III amps around around 2 buildings, I have upgraded my studio. Mine features a Spider III for the students, a Spider V 120 for me, an old Variax (to be upgraded one day), the wireless Relay G10 which charges right off the Spider V amp, and the ol’ but still powerful Firehawk FX floorboard. I also have the FBV III foot controller for the Spider V just for show, but I don’t necessarily use it.

Here’s how those effects come into play when teaching…

The Variax allows me to demonstrate the sounds of different guitars. Students can hear the differences between different types of pickups, acoustic and electric, and even guitar cousins like our old favorite 12-string guitars and others like the resonators, banjo, sitar guitar, and more. I’ve setup my Variax to simulate ranges as well, such as capo shifts, baritone guitar, and even a setting to simulate bass guitar. Another teaching advantage with the Variax involves a term I’ve longed to change:

Tone-deafness!

We’ve always associated tone-deafness with that relative who howls off key and calls it singing. The sour notes of death that come out of the person who was never meant to sing. Ever. That’s not the case! Sure, “a tone” is a sound, or a note. But think about this in the music world. We call notes pitches, and tone is more of the quality of voice. “I love your guitar tone, man!” The term I’ve used is pitch-deafness. That’s the inability to hear different pitches and identify them well. To me, tone-deafness is the ear’s confusion between voices mistaking the same note for a different one simply because it doesn’t sound exactly the same. For instance, a good student can identify 3 identical high E notes on the guitar (open E, E on the B string 5 fret, and E on the G string 9th fret) and still tell that there’s a slight tonal difference due to string thickness.

I was a True Tone-deaf student. I learned on an acoustic, and my teacher taught on an electric. Even though we played the same notes, they didn’t sound the same. This confused my ear sometimes. The Variax has solved his challenge with beginners. I’ve noticed more and more over the years that students say less and less often, “Wait… are you sure that’s right? Yours sounds different than mine.” I use the Variax to match their guitar model. A student with a Fender Strat (popular amongst beginners on a budget) will hear very little difference with the custom Variax Strat tone I’ve setup. The only challenge I’m still working on are the classical acoustic guitars. Variax technology hasn’t really marketed heavily in that realm, but perhaps one day!

The Spider amps and Firehawk effects bring a world of sounds to the student great visual appeal. The students love the colorful lights, of course, but there’s more than just shiny bright things that really help them learn. The apps illustrate how effects chains work. The students can easily change sounds by just touching the screen, or turning a knob. The preset knob parameters on the Spider V make it easy for students to see how “less and more” can modify an effect on any channel. What I love is how the effects are displayed in the app’s library. When you select another amp or pedal there’s an image of the original model that it’s based on. The students don’t really know all of those models, but they have the opportunity to see how they look different. What would be even better is if the icons would get larger when selected. For now, if a student asks, I’ll Google up an image of the original and compare it with the app side-by-side while turning knobs and moving faders around. What’s more, having the old classic Spider III in the room lets them see just how broad the spectrum of digital amps are out there – simple to complex, and soft to REALLY LOUD!

By introducing students to the world of different apps, effects, guitars, etc. we as teachers can keep them inspired and interested. We can let them see what’s out there for them besides just “practice more!” They start to see what direction they want to head as beginner musicians. We, the teachers, look at their reactions to the sounds they hear and it helps us tweak their curriculum even further. This keeps the student excited and willing to play. The next step, of course, is to choose songs that really work great with whatever sounds the student likes best (while still teaching them things that are practical for learning.)

With more than 200 amps, cabinets, and effects there’s more than enough to show the students what our world of guitar is really all about. The Relay G10 shows them a neat way to go wireless without the complexity and mess of a receiver and connective cables. Our new generation are talking about Bluetooth, WiFi, and other technologies that are making for fantastic wireless advantages in other markets. When they see the G10 they really engage the simplicity and coolness of such a compact device. It takes nothing to hand it off and let the student try it, too!

Between the Variax, the Spider Amps/Firehawk FX, and the wireless G10 I’ve had a blast teaching. Students are excited about lessons. They wish to learn more not just musically but about their guitars. They are asking questions and inquiring where they wouldn’t have a clue to start years ago. With their own technologically experienced little minds, they’re even offering up imaginative thoughts that could shape tomorrow’s technology, too.

The only challenge for me has been… price.

How do you get a student to invest in a $1000 Variax, $120-$300 amp, $100 wireless device, etc.? Well, the truth is, there’s only so much we as teachers can do there. In the past we’ve made comparisons to $1000 “student level” woodwinds and brass instruments. We’ve also made suggestions like, “check Craigslist…” What would be ideal is if there was a market for starter kits, or student-level models. The inexpensive Variax 300 (made in Indonesia) was a great concept in “a Variax for everyone” by offering a low-price, lower quality guitar with all of the perks of the more expensive models. Keeping smaller Spider V amps out on the market is also a great idea. Perhaps Line 6 will one day see a market in music education and offer up a package like a cheaper Variax paired with a nice Spider V (or VI?) practice amp, and some other low-range but cool wireless technology. AmpliFi is a great series, too, for beginners, but I still recommend the Spider series to students.

There’s a “basic recording” package available out there which features an inexpensive screen, Mac Mini, speakers, mics, and recording software packages all for one price of $1000 (or less.) I’d love to see something like that from our guitar makers. Offer up the dream rig for beginners to open doors for students who really want to rock out and make music without breaking their parents’ bank account. For the record… I live in a rich community full of mansion-sized monster homes with parents showing up at the school driving Teslas. Even the wealthy aren’t willing to spoil their children unless it’s truly worth it. There’s potential – I’ll continue to use Line 6 to inspire and teach future guitar pros. Maybe they’ll find a great way to tap into that market, too!

Cheers. Thanks for reading.