#and it's been messing with his anxiety and making him overthink

[reginaofdoctorwho]

.

#my guilt vs my discomfort FIGHT #but nah my almost boyfriend (long story he's the bi dude from before) is kinda upset with me #and like i get it yeah #because yesterday we were texting and sharing memes and sends 'by the way do you give good head...rubs?' typed like that #and for context i've been like. hair trigger emotions lately #because of the whole dad not inviting me to his wedding thing and my sister and her kids and husband were in a rollover car crash #and they're having a hard time finding a doctor who'll take the car insurance or w/e just to write a note to get them off work #and he knows all this and how freaked out i am because we've had phone calls because i'm like 'i just need to talk to another person' #and the joke is kinda funny i guess but it wasn't related at all and i just left it on read #and then this morning it's 'You're really all mad at me over one little joke' #and he's like 'if it upset you we should talk about it' and i'm like 'well i guess it's just the way you said it' #and he responds with 'well i was just joking' #and like. idk i was getting over the joke because like. it's not that bad it just brought up bad memories that were already kinda up #but idk it just feels like he's just dismissing that i'm upset and the 'we should talk about it' to 'i was just joking' pissed me off #like motherfucker you're the one who wanted to talk let's talk #i was so willing to fucking ignore it this morning but just his fucking response #so that's the discomfort and i would just be like 'if we can't solve this we shouldn't be dating' #but the guilt comes in because he's had other relationships where the girl seemed really into him then just ghosted #and he told me about it because it upset him and we've been having to push dating back because of my license and family shit #and it's been messing with his anxiety and making him overthink #which i am not upset with him for #but! he knows i have a shitty history with guys and he knows i wasn't comfortable with that joke and his response is just sticking with it

[judethejudas]

Asking them on a date— Ghost and König Imagines

How would the boys react to you asking them on a date? How do they behave on the date? It’s quite fluffy.

König:

- He’s shocked. Shocked and embarrassed, only because he’s never been asked out before.

- He’s immediately ridden with anxiety and deathly afraid he’ll disappoint you.

- But he agrees, a very quiet ‘yes’ is what he gives you.

- It’s dinner at his place. You know how he gets so shy in public that you’ll give him a home field advantage.

- He’s beyond relieved you suggested his place, but still nervous that he has to vigorously clean his apartment to make it spotless for you.

- He’s an incredible cook and he knows it, but he’s cooking for you so it HAS to be perfect. No room for flaws.

- He dresses nicely but he’s not overdressed. He wears his good dress shirt and slacks— which he still frets about because what if he looks ridiculous?

- When you see him, you tell him he looks very handsome and all his worries about himself are gone. You look incredible yourself and he definitely lets you know— very quietly and shyly though.

- König is a perfect gentleman. He takes your coat and pulls your chair out, offers you any beverages aside from the wine at the table.

- Of course he’s still quiet and sometimes stumbles on his words when he speaks but you don’t poke fun at him. And he greatly appreciates it.

- You gush about dinner and how delicious it is, König has to hide his little smile at that.

- The more wine he has, the more talkative he is. He’s less shy and expresses his interest in you, showing attentiveness when you speak, and talks about himself too if you ask him a question. Hardly a stutter.

- Soon you’re both wasted on wine and decide to sit on the couch. It’s only when you’re a bit more touchy with him that his blush returns.

“Are you alright, König?” You ask him, leaning in so closely to inspect the red tint on his cheeks. You’re painfully unaware of how close you are to him and it’s driving König insane.

“I-I’m alright, I swear..”

“Hm..” You squint your pretty eyes at him and see that the tips of his ears are pink too. “I don’t know, I feel like you have a fever coming on.”

You lean closer to his ear and he feels your wine ridden breath touch him. He has to suppress his shiver and turns his head away.

“I’m not sick.. I’m just..”

“Just what, König?”

He feels your fingers holding his chin and turning his face to you, and his eyes widen slightly in surprise.

“I…” He starts, but can’t find the words to describe how he’s feeling. He’s so lost in your eyes and the blush only intensifies. The wine is messing with him. One side fights to show you a confident man, the other wants to remain timid.

One of them wins this round.

Without thinking, the confident man in him kisses you.

You’re the one who’s surprised now and you gasp into the kiss.

He mistakes it for displeasure and immediately pulls away, going back to his shy personality.

“I’m so sorry, I should have asked for permission first-“

You quickly cut him off by kissing him and he falls back from the force, now laying on the couch with you on top of him. His eyes are wide in shock but he’s happy, so happy you like him too.

The two of you continue to kiss, with your hands gently stroking his chest and shoulders while his own nervously hold your hips.

But he’s not overthinking for once. There are so many things he could be worrying about but he refuses to ruin this moment.

Then you pull away and stare into his eyes, both of you panting quietly.

“Do you really feel the same way..?” He breathes out.

And you kiss him again.

Of course you feel the same.

__________

Ghost:

- He could tell how nervous you were when you asked him on a date. How could he say no to that?

- He plays it cool, giving you a ‘sure, sounds like fun’ and you nearly die on the spot.

- In reality? He’s not used to dating. He prefers his own company and because of his past, he doesn’t want to burden anybody. So he never gets into anything serious. He’s more confident in the field with his teammates, but alone? With somebody? He’s a tad bit afraid.

- His social skills aren’t up to par, but he fakes it until he makes it. He’s confident but doubting himself on the inside.

- He’s going in casual attire, nothing fancy or else he feels as if he’s performing himself.

- You invited him to your place for dinner and he can tell you put a lot of effort into it. He thinks it’s so cute.

- Dinner is amazing and he tells you that, he hasn’t had a home cooked meal in so long so it’s much more special to him.

- You both chat and eat, mostly about how difficult it is to maintain and separate your civilian lives and the military. He’s happy he’s not alone in that. You both feel comfortable just being at the base and being with the team. It’s hard to connect to anyone outside of work.

- Ghost is a hard man to read and he knows you’re nervous the whole time. He hardly makes facial expressions and his voice is one toned. He worries inwardly about that but doesn’t show it. All he could do was hope you think he’s being genuine in his compliments and what he says to you. He just doesn’t know how to change.

- After dinner, you’re both on the couch with glasses of wine— continuing to chat with each other. He’s hoping the alcohol will make it easier for him to express himself. It does not.

- The wine doesn’t relax you either, if anything, you’re even more shy now. It was only when you didn’t want to look at him that he decided that this had gone far enough.

“You know I like you, right?”

You’re shocked at his words and nearly choke on your wine.

You quickly look at him after he says that, seeing his flat expression and hearing that monotone voice.

No way. He can’t possibly feel the same as you do.

“Are you sure?” You blurt out. And mentally slap yourself for asking such a dumb question. All you could do was berate yourself in your mind and tell yourself he doesn’t like you. His expression says it all and so does his voice. You have to look away again and lose yourself in lack of confidence.

You don’t even notice him moving closer.

“(Y/n).” He says, in a strangely softer voice than usual. It startled you and you silently gasp, seeing how close he is to you now.

You feel his hand taking the glass from your hand and putting it on the coffee table.

That’s when you’re looking into his eyes and he’s staring right back at yours. You see the emotion there, the softness he held for you. It wasn’t about the facial expressions or how he sounds. You were focusing on the wrong things.

He does like you.

His calloused hand comes up to hold your cheek and neither of you speak a word. You let yours and his actions do the talking now.

You both connect your lips together.

He’s gentle with you at first, showing that he doesn’t want to intimidate you or ever mean to. After a while, he shows more passion and interest by deepening the kiss and you have to lay back— with him crawling on top of you.

You feel him smiling in the kiss but you don’t dare open your eyes, you only let him show his emotions the way he’s comfortable doing it.

The tears dampen your lashes as you’re overwhelmed with joy.

You know he’s feeling the same.

_________

Hope you guys enjoyed— by the way I do take requests. I’m just a slow writer so you have to be patient-

#cod #mw2 #ghost #cod ghost #mw2 ghost #ghost x reader #simon riley #cod könig #mw2 könig #könig mw2 #könig #könig x reader

[adventuringblind]

Joint Coping

Lestappen x Reader

Genre: Angst

Dialouge: "Help me understand."

Summary: Max helps his partners learn to cope in healthy ways

Warnings: Selh-harm, unhealthy Coping, blood, Ferrari, Max being the sane one of the group

Notes: I would like to emphasize that this is a thing that does happen. I know because I've done it. This specifically is not something to be glorified at all. Self-harm done in groups can become competitive. This is a pretty toned down version of things I've experienced and it's less toxic. THIS IS NOT REACHING OUT. Just wanted to clarify :)

This is part of my 1000 follower celebration! Requests are still open if you'd like to participate (the link will take you to the request form).

Masterlist

Max knows something is wrong with his partners. It's like an itch in his brain he can't scratch. A sixth sense, if you will.

The two Ferrari drivers are struggling with their team. Every problem is their fault. They have become the Ferrari scapegoats. When they do poor, it's the driver. When they do good, it's the team and the car.

He's coming to the end of his patience. If he has to hear them self deprecate one more time he might actually consider making them stand in the mirror and say nice things about themselves. Can he fuck it out of them? Is that a possibility? He really doesn't know but is desperate and willing to try anything.

They both DNF at the next race. Max is a man on a mission through media and debrief. He needs to see that they are okay. At the very least not sitting through some kind of lecture a parent gives to a child.

He sprints to the Ferrari garage and runs into Carlos. Despite his injury that took him out of the season, he still comes to support his team and teammates.

"Carlos!" The Spainard spins around to face him. "Have you seen-?"

"They already left over an hour ago. Did they not text you?"

There are warning bells going off inside of his head. Something is clearly wrong and they aren't telling him about it. He's about to sprint away when Carlos stops him.

"Before you go, you should that there were some awful things said by their engineers and they looked really upset about it."

"Thanks Carlos."

Max is back at the hotel as fast as he can manage. He tried both their cells with no answer. It's killing him from the inside out with anxiety. He's probably just overthinking, but it'll feel better when he sees they are okay.

He keys the door open and doesn't bother taking off his shoes. The lights are off aside from the one in the bathroom. Maybe they decided a nice relaxing bath would do the trick. Max could also go for one. He pushes that thought aside for now.

He knocks gently on the door. "You two in there?" No response. Or at least - not one to him directly. There are a few hushed whispers, but nothing loud enough for him to hear.

He waits Aproximatley ten seconds before he can't handle it anymore and swings the door open. He expects to see fogged mirror and water on the floor. Instead he's met with the sight red wrists and thighs.

He's lost. Max Verstappen has no idea what to do.

They are stripped down to undergarments. Legs dangling over the side of tub. A switchblade in the hands of Charles. They both look teary eyed and doped out. Are they enjoying this?

God, he feels so stupid. Weeks of having Sex with no lights on, sweatshirts in hot weather, no swimming and doing private ice bathes away from trainers. He should've noticed. Max could've stopped this sooner. He wants to rewind and tell them to come to him instead of relying on this to get the through.

"Guess you caught us." Charles let's out a half assed laugh. "You gonna stare at us all night? Or can we get the yelling part over with? Last three partners left us when they caught it. I understand if it's to much. Not your burden."

Max had been a later addition. The two in the bathtub had been together since their teenage years. Had they been Coping like this for so long?

"Sorry about the mess. Relapses are hard. We made it all season until a month ago." She leans her head onto Charles' shoulder. How can they make this type of environment endearing? This is unreal and they need serious help. Which Max will eventually get them when he can get his act together.

He kneels on the floor in between them. Max is just now registering the tears on his cheeks. They'd been in pain for so long. It hurts him just thinking about it.

"I'm not going to yell-" he looks at one. "-I'm not going to leave-" he looks at the other. "But help me understand. I want to help."

"It's easier to do with someone else around. It's more therapeutic." The lopsided smile on the female's face is not helping Max. He has to many questions.

First, he gets them cleaned up. Neither of them flinch when he disenfects the wounds. They don't look at him as he wraps them in whatever gauz is in the first aid kit. They look ashamed as he puts the knife in his bag and rinses the tub.

The one that gets him, however, is the look of pure confusion when Max hugs them both so tightly. It's like they don't know how to respond.

They sit in a circle on the bed. It's comfortable and Max can see both their expressions clearly.

"I know the struggle." He starts. "Punishing yourself is better then someone else doing it, right? But I had Daniel there reminding me to reach out."

"It's just easier this way."

"Easier isn't better. Look at the state you're in. I'm not leaving, but I am getting the both of you help."

He followed through with this the next morning. Then looked supposed to see him when they woke up. He, and his childish mind, kissed all the cuts and scars. Every single one of them received proper treatment.

The female cried and thre her arms around Max. Charles had looked away in shame. The reasons they started this are still foreign to him, but that's not his priority.

He gets them help. All of them, mind you. They do group sessions as the three of them to find healthier ways to cope with each other.

Reasons seem to fade into the background because they don't matter as much. The important thing is that Max caught it in time. That he didn't lose them to their own minds. They are partners, and Max would be devistated to lost someone he loves to those dark places.

He rests easier now that the itch has been scratched. His partners are doing better. They smile and laugh at his stupid jokes again. A bit of confidence regained.

And Max reminds them daily that nothing is worth it if you have to destroy yourself for it. Drivers or not, he loves them regardless.

#x reader #fanficion #formula one #f1 fic #formula 1 #racing #f1 fanfic #max verstappen #charles leclerc x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen f1 #max verstappen fanfic #super max #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x y/n #max verstappen x charles leclerc #lestappen #mv1 x reader #mv33 x reader #mv33 #mv1 #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x y/n #cl16 imagine #cl16 #cl16 x reader

[lovelettersforthedamned]

i have been a away for a bit and i come back to see you have reached 400 followers!!!!!! CONGRATS BABES YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH

peter (obv) and "so...do you actually like me-." "we have been together for 4 years. we're getting married next year. what the hell do you think?" - 🎀

Old And Gray With You

✮ tasm!peter parker x f!reader

✮ word count: 0.6k

✮ summary: with your wedding a year away, your mind swirls due to insecurity, but peter is there (like always) to help you through it.

✮ warnings: anxiety, marriage, kisses, reader has hair (no length specified), fluff asf.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

main masterlist ⋆ peter parker masterlist ⋆ four-hundred follower bash

not my gif. credits to the owner:)

The show playing in front of you was the last thing on your mind. Your fingers were messing with the engagement ring on your finger, a common nervous habit you’ve picked up since Peter asked you to be his. 

A million thoughts were swirling around in your mind, mostly about the wedding. You knew it wasn’t until a while, but still, you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking on its own. Marrying Peter was never a doubt in your mind. You loved him with your entire being and you would marry him tomorrow if you could. But would Peter feel the same in a year when your big day finally arrived? 

His hand on your thigh suddenly became very heavy as anxiety bubbled in your stomach. The air around you felt like it was constricting your ability to take a deep breath. 

At the beginning of your relationship, Peter let you know that he’d rather you talk to him about issues rather than keep them locked away. He knew your tendency to overthink affected your life, so to ease both of your worries, he reassured you that he’d keep an ear open for you to talk to. You decided that this was the perfect time to talk, but having the courage to do so scared you.

Peter knew something was off even before you realized you needed to talk about it. His ability to focus on you with his heightened senses came in handy for situations like this. The second you started fidgeting with the ring he got you made his awareness double, and as soon as he felt you tense, he was just waiting for you to say something. 

And with a deep breath, you did, “So…Do you actually like me?” 

Peter’s head whips around to look at you in an instant, not like he was paying attention to whatever was playing on the TV. He knew you would say something, but it definitely wasn’t that. “Bug, we have been together for four years. We’re getting married next year. What the hell do you think?” He huffed a laugh at the end of the question, his hand moving up and down your thigh in reassurance. 

You give him a sheepish smile in response, your face warming at his response. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was thinking,” you’re embarrassed for even thinking that. A wave of shame washes over you.

“Hey, come here,” Peter opens his arms for you to scoot closer to him, your head resting on his chest while his arm wraps around your shoulders. “Don’t feel sorry for anything your pretty head comes up with,” he whispers into your hair, “I’m going to be with you for forever and ever, and I promise you that.” 

You tilt your head up to look into his eyes. The beautiful brown eyes pull you in, but you don’t mind. If you could lose yourself in Peter’s eyes, you would do it and never complain. Leaning in, you press a warm kiss on his lips. He smiles into the kiss, his arm wrapped around you pulls you in closer. “Love you, Pete,” you mumble. Your words make Peter’s heart explode. 

Pulling away for a breath, his gaze falls over your flustered features, “I can’t wait to be old and gray with you.”

✮ author's note: hi 🎀 anon! good to see you!! thank you for this request:) i have a bash going on for those who don't know!! come join us! don't forget to like, comment, and reblog to support my work:) ok, bye ily <3

#peter parker x reader #tasm!peter x reader #fluff #andrew garfield peter parker #tasm!peter parker #marvel #peter parker #spiderman #llftd 400 follower bash

[the-offside-rule]

Jude Bellingham (Real Madrid) - Stop Thinking

Requested: yes

Prompt: 5) Overthinking being parents

Warning: none

Jude sat painting the wall of what is set to be his Baby's nursery, his mind consumed with thoughts of impending parenthood. He simply stared at the blank wall. He must have been painting the same corner for a good hour now. Y/b had walked upstairs with two cups of tea, before she turned into the nursery and looked at Jude confused. He wasn't smiling, he wasn't even frowning, he was just zoned out of it. She walked over to the nursing chair and set the cups down on the small side table before she decided she would ask him about anything. "Hey, babe." He zoned back into reality, giving Y/n a small smile. "You've been paitning that same square the last couple minutes, you okay?" She asked. Jude nodded. "Course." She arched a brow. "Are you sure?" He thought for a moment, before he shook his head. She patted the bean bag beside her, signalling for him to join her. Jude sighed, joining Y/n on the bean bag, his expression troubled. "What's up?" She asked quietly.

"I dont think I'm not cut out for this." He admitted. Jude looked up to his girlfriend, his brown eyes clouded with worry. "I mean, I'm still trying to figure out my own life, let alone take care of another one." She smiled softly, holding his hand in hers. "Jude, we're in this together. Age doesn't determine love or commitment. We'll figure it out, step by step."

"I just worry about being a good parent, you know? Balancing my career and family." Y/n placed a reassuring kiss on the back of his hand. "Love, nobody's ever really ready for parenthood. But we'll learn. Sure, we'll make mistakes, and we'll figure things out as we go along. That's what parents do." Jude sighed, feeling the weight of his insecurities lifting ever so slightly in Y/n's embrace. "But what if I mess up? What if I can't be the dad our child deserves?" Y/n pulled back slightly, her gaze unwavering as she met his. "Jude Bellingham, listen to me. You are going to be an amazing father. I've seen the way you care for others, the way you light up when you talk about our baby. You have so much love to give, and that's the most important thing."

Jude managed a small smile, his anxiety beginning to ease. I just want to be the best dad I can be." Y/n placed a gentle hand on his cheek, her eyes softening with affection. "And you will be, Jude. Because you have a heart of gold, and that's all our child needs." He leaned up and kissed his girlfriend lovingly. "You always know how to make things better." He whispered. "Mmh, now how about a cup of tea before we get back to painting?" She suggested before Jude agreed, taking the cup from the table and sipping, now feeling a little more relieved about the fact that he has a baby on the way. It will always be better when he had Y/n by his side.

#football #football imagines #football blurbs #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x y/n #jude bellingham x o/c #jude bellingham

[princessbunnib]

Another Round?

König |Cod/Mw2|

Summary: You and König decide to take things to the next level and have an intimate moment for the first time.

Pairing: König X Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Smut MDNI, Fluff Smut, Established Relationship, Shy König, First Time Sex, Missionary, Communication, Size Difference, König With Size Kink, Consensual, Come On Body, Reassurance, Sub To Dom König, Switch Reader, Oral |F| Receiving, Girl On Top, Degrading, König Overly Apologizing, Overstimulation At End.

Author's Note: I'm so in love with König it's not funny.

PT2 Here:

____

König watched you while you zoned out to the current song on your play list. It was a love song you were madly obsessed with. The vocals and lyrics spoke to you on a different level. Your eyes were closed while you hummed along with every cord and buzz from the beat. A heavy sigh of relief leaving your lips.

He sat quietly behind you on the couch, staring at you in awe. The two of you have been together for two years now.

For the most part, it's been completely normal. Either of you has yet to initiate sex with the other. It's not that much of a big deal to you though. Not having sex with him so quickly has made you appreciate the time you two share on the platonic end of the relationship.

König is too nervous to even think about showing affection to you in public. He knows you want to take things to the next level and it's eating him up inside.

What if you got bored with him and wanted to break up before things even even get started.

You were too into your mind to realize König was siting behind you. You then stumbled on his feet and fell onto his lap. His face rised in temperature, now becoming hotter than normal. His hands were sweating, he tried to wipe them on his sweatpants but couldn't get himself to move.

"Sorry I didn't even realize you were still here-" You nervously laughed off the situation and tried to get up. König's hands moved to your hips, holding you in place. He clearly wasn't thinking.

The simple sight of you enjoying something was making him feel certain things about you. Your smile was always something he looked forward to. Especially when you would smile with him. He could relax around you and not be so on edge. You didn't singlehandedly diminish his anxiety all together, but you were something he could focus on rather than entertaining the things in his head.

"Oh don't apologize- you were clearly enjoying yourself..." He said.

You looked into his light eyes and refused to focus on anything else. His eyes were so pretty, you loved eye contact with him, mainly because that was one of the things he valued as affection. You turned yourself around completely on his lap and straddled him.

Your hips began to move as you could feel him under you through your shorts. You put your arm around the back of his neck and held his cheek leaning in for a kiss. He tensed up and grabbed your wrist to stop you. You then got up from his lap and crossed your arms looking away in embaressment.

"Shit I'm sorry... I should have asked if you were comfortable with it." You stated regretting your decision.

"It's not your fault- I'm really freaking out on the inside because I don't want to mess things up. I keep thinking about how our first time would go so I'm overthinking it nearly all the time."

"König you're not going to mess up... and our first time doesn't have to be forced, we should just let it happen... I love you." You said as he stood up. To stop himself from playing with his fingers he put them in his pockets to seem more confident while standing in front of you.

"Really? So you're not loosing interest in me because it's been two years that we've been together and we still haven't had sex yet?" He questioned. His voice spiking in pitch as it cracked.

"No... I assumed you wouldn't like it... I also didn't want to pressure you into something you didn't want." You spoke softly in a reassuring tone.

"Oh right. I probably have been giving mixed signals... I do want to have sex with you. I hope I didn't make you feel bad at any time."

"It's alright... I want to have sex with you too..." You smiled, pulling him down so you could kiss him.

König then lifted you up from with no problem and held you tightly to not drop you. You were slightly nervous considering how high you were. He groaned breaking the kiss and tossed you over his shoulder, walking up the stairs and holding your hips to keep you still.

He wasn't usually rough with you because he was scared of hurting you. König was aware of his size and strength and thought of you as fragile when it came down to it.

But tonight he wanted to throw everything out of the window and make his first time with you a night to remember.

____

König laid you on the bed being extra careful. You looked up at him wondering what his next move would be, he tried to stand over you but you pulled him down. Wanting to stay closer.

You've been itching for this moment to happen. So many opertunites hanging over your head like a carrot to a bunny.

You could tell that he was in his head rather than being present. The two of you stared at eachother for longer than necessary. "What do you want to do to me?" You asked finally breaking the silence.

"I'm not sure? Uhm... kiss you?" He said unsure within his decision.

"Then do it... please?" You encouraged, placing your arms around his neck. König then began to kiss your neck and cheeks, taking his time before kissing your lips.

You held his face and closed your eyes focusing on the soft feeling of his lips on yours, your legs locking around his waist. He groaned into your mouth desiring to feel even closer to you. His body was warm, tension building in his sweatpants as he faught against his feral fantasies to bite into your neck without asking.

Just the smell of you was sending him over the edge. He couldn't just shake this feeling away. "What else? Tell me what to do... I want to make you feel good Y/n. Can I?" He said speaking desperately onto your neck.

You let out a moan feeling his gentle breath. He then looked at you, confusion riddled on his red face. "Did I make you do that?" He asked receiving a nod as response.

He got off of you so you could move how you wanted. You then pulled your shirt off revealing your bare chest as you werent wearing a bra. His eyes widened and averted from your naked norso. He's seen you naked before, only the times that he accidently walked in on you when you were showering that is.

"König?" You asked softly. He looked at you once more, covering his mouth to keep his groans to himself. His eyes glued to your face.

"You can look at me, I'm not going to be upset by it... just relax okay?" You stated, standing up and walking up to him. He looked down at you watching you take his shirt off and drop it to the floor.

He leaned down to you, allowing you to hold his face and bring him to the bed.

"Sorry I'm really nervous- I don't know how I'm supposed to act right now..."

"It's alright, just keep your eyes on me... do you want to touch my breasts?" You suggested bringing attention to your chest. "Yeah... I've always wanted to... they're so perfect..." He said before holding your breasts in his hand, squeezing them gently and allowing his imagination to run free. Your small moans of pleasure encouraged him even more, you then turned you two over and straddled him as he laid back onto the bed.

"Yeah? They're perfect? What else? Tell me how much you find me attractive."

"Uhm- alright... I think they're really pretty? Also very warm and... uhm... I love the way they feel in my hands?" He said saying the first things that came to mind.

"Mhmm... you're hands are so big you know, you yourself is actually really big... you make me feel so small and helpless... I need you to protect me~"

"R-really? It's not a bad thing? I'm always thinking that I'll hurt you on accident..." He asked lifting a brow in confusion.

"Of course not... you aren't technically hurting me if I ask you to do it..." You smiled holding his hands on your chest.

He tensed up and held onto your waist. Your hips were moving back and forth grinding on his lap, his cock begining to stand up underneath his sweats. You could feel him getting more and more aroused, you couldn't wait to be able to do further activity rather than looking.

You praising him on his build soothed his mind. His eyes watching your breasts move lightly while you placed your hands on his knees. Your lips opening to moan his name again, hips moving faster and lewdly moaning.

"I need you König... please... I've been waiting for so long... I want you inside of me... I want us to stare into eachothers eyes... while I moan your name louder than I am now..."

Seeing this different side of you was shocking. You've felt this way about him the whole time throughout the relationship? Konig couldn't believe you. You were having the same fantasies as him.

Only difference is that he was too shy to come clean about it.

"Y/n I didn't know you felt this way about me... I'm really hard right now... and seeing your chest while you grind on my lap isn't helping."

"Yeah? So what do you want to do about it? Do you want to fuck me as much as I want to fuck you-" You leaned down to him speaking into his ear mid sentence. "Or would you rather us watch a movie together and act like this never happened?"

____

König kissed your breasts and glided his lips on your nipples. You had one hand on the back of his head while covering your mouth with the other. He looked up at you trying to see if you were into it, your silence had worried him a bit. "How am I doing? Do you like it?" He asked. You nodded pushing his head into your chest, he took this opportunity to suck on one of your nipples, using his large hand to play and squeeze the other.

You bucked your pelvis onto him, turning on even more as he gently bit on the sensitive tissue.

"Go lower..."

He kissed down your chest carefully leading to your stomach, his hands rubbing you down while he continued to stare at you. Trying to figure out if you liked it.

You did nothing but whimper and squirm. The tension was too much, rushing him wouldn't be the best decision but you could only deal with this tingling sensation inbeween your legs for so long.

He took your panties off of you without thinking. You spread your legs apart for him allowing a much clear view. Your clit throbbing while the cold air engulfed the small bundle of nerves. He guided his finger along your lips collecting the sticky juices and put his fingers together. Wathcing the stream of clear arousal coat his skin.

"You're so wet..." He softly spoke in awe.

"Yes I know- touch me more... come on, I'm so needy for you..." You whimpered desperately, your eyes meeting with his while he held your thighs preparing himself to swallow you whole.

He swiped his tongue inbetween your slick lips, he moaned at the taste and began to suck on your clit. His tongue flicking back and forth and swirling around in a circle. You moaned bucking your hips onto his mouth, your thighs closing onto his head keeping him still while you used him.

Your arms had moved in all directions. You couldn't handle yourself as he continued to look up at you and hum your name while his mouth was full. His glare was intoxicating. You desired all of him tonight. Your pent up sex drive for him could finally be released.

"Yess~♡ K-König please~ Oh fuck..." You softly cried his name out as the arousal settled briefly. The amount of pleasure was just enough, your hands ran through his hair back arching and voice becoming higher in pitch.

All he could do was watch you in admiration. You were all he wanted to focus on. You looked absolutely breathtaking while moaning and throwing your head back. He used the wet underside of his tongue and swished it side to side seeing how you'd react. You whimpered again and pulled on the sheets, crying out in pleasure.

Okay. That was a good response. That was an amazing response actually. He couldn't believe he was doing such a good job.

He let go of your thighs and held your waist, you nodded feeling yourself about to come just from his mouth alone. You held his hands with yours and pressed your lips together, bucking your hips further on his tongue.

"Please~♡ just like that... it feels amazing..."

There wasn't enough air circulating through König's nose for him to breath correctly. So he lifted his head from your thighs, panting heavily like a dog needing water after a long walk.

"Am I doing a good job? I know you're moaning and everything but can you tell me?" He asked looking up at you with dark lustful needy eyes.

"You're doing such a good job for me... you're tongue feels fucking amazing on my clit..." You then put your hand on the back of his head. "Now don't stop, I want to come."

"Anything for you..." He responded before sucking your clit and swirling his tongue in any direction that would pull a reaction from you.

Your conformation of pleasure made him feel more confident. He then held your hips and lifted your lower half off of the bed, placing your legs on his shoulders so you could lock them around his neck. He moaned into you and teased your entrance with his index and middle finger. Letting your juices coat his digits like makeshift lubricant before sliding them into you, instantly being met with your warm spongey insides.

His eyes closed as he steadily breathed, taking cautious shallow breaths so he could keep his face buried inbetween your thighs for longer.

Your stomach caved in, his fingers were just the perfect fit for teasing your much needed climax. His two fingers stretching your cunt, curling inside collecting your semi creamy goodness. He only slid them in at the knuckle to lessen the chances of his hand cramping quickly.

You moaned his name once more. It's like the only word you knew was 'König' you wondered who else he could have been doing this to before you met him. Fuck he was a master at it. His tongue was like gold. Way better than any other sex toy you've used in the past.

He would loudly kiss your clit and nod to you when you'd whimper. Signifying that he understood how good you were feeling. His fingers thrusting into a sensitive area making you scream and cry again.

"Mhmm... I know... you love it so much, yeah?" He encouraged, mentally not believing himself but continued to keep his cool.

"Ahh~♡ yes... yes... haaaf~ König~ I'm almost- there!" You whimpered loudly. Pressing your hands on your stomach.

"Okay... thanks for telling me... I want to make you come so much... you sound like heaven itself..."

"Ohhh Fuck~♡ d-don't say something like that- it's going to make me-"

"Hm? What is it going to do? Come on tell me... I want to know..." He asked encouraging you to speak up by curling his fingers and sliding them in deeper until meeting the base of his hand.

The sloppy sounds of your vagina tightening around him felt like music to his ears. He sucked your clit, flicked his tongue across it and blew air onto it. His tongue drenched with saliva. Making your clit have a slimy texture to it. Your back arched again as your walls clamped down on him. Only to sharply release and cause you to buck your hips forward.

"Going to make me- COME~" You let out a loud slutty moan that of course tied into his name. He nodded more and brought his fingers out of you, rubbing your clit up and down with his slippery digits. Whimpering to mock how you sounded and spoke words of encouragement.

"I know, I know... that's right... focus on me while you come... look at me..." He softly said watching you lazily bring your vision in his direction.

"Mhmm... keep bucking those wonderful hips of yours, that's right Y/n... you sound beautiful while coming for me~"

You covered your face while riding out your orgasm on his fingers. Once the euphoric feeling had settled he let you go and watched you whimper at the loss of contact. He lightly laughed at you, feeling proud that he got you to come so undone for him.

"How did I do?" He asked for reassurance again.

"Amazing. I didn't think you'd be good at this..." You sighed calmly and closed your legs, still feeling weak from the waist down.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, do you want to go all the way now?" He asked receiving a nod from you.

____

König laid on the bed fully declothed while watching you stare at how big he truly was. You swallowed the lump in your throat and climed onto him like he was a high mountain and raised your hips to not touch him. Everything was fun and games until this point. You didn't think you'd be able to fit him inside. König didn't pick up your expression and held you in place, aligning himself with your entrance and pushing his hips into you.

You cried out in pain as he forcfuly penetrated your cervix. Your nails scratching at his skin. Tears gathering in your eyes before falling down your cheeks.

"König stop!- it hurts!" You said hoping he heard you clearly. He looked at your face seeing tears in your eyes and took himself out of you, you got off of him and sighed deeply to calm yourself down.

"I'm sorry? I hurt you didn't I? I wasn't trying to! I was really in the moment and didn't check in with you to see if you were okay- I'm really sorry!" He had rambled on excessively apologizing. His nerves began to rise to the surface causing him to overthink everything he had just done.

You obviously hated him now. He felt awful seeing you cry out for him to stop, his heart beating out of his chest and adrenaline rushing through his body.

"It's okay König I'm fine- I'm okay... just calm down okay? Don't worry... I don't think I can ride you yet... I panicked because of how deep you were..." You said holding his face keeping his eyes on you.

"Are you sure? I swear I didn't mean to do that... I feel bad." He said still having doubts.

"Yes, let's just try a different position okay?" You suggested.

He nodded and watched you get on your back, spreading your legs so he could be inbetween them. He gently held your knees and rubbed your clit with his shaft, watching you melt under him and nod to tell him what he was doing was just right.

"Am I too big for you? Is that why it hurt last time?" He asked making his hands into fists and keeping them on both sides of your head to keep himself up.

"Well yes... when we met I didn't think your height would be a problem... looks like you aren't the only thing that's big..." You nervously laughed to lighten the situation. Staring down watching the tip of his head drip with pre-cum while still being covered by a sheer coat of your insides.

"Oh yeah? Then I guess you won't be able to fit my huge cock inside your pretty little pussy, huh?" He said feeling himself become more confident again. Just seeing you under him looking up at him with your eyes big. Tears dried on your cheeks.

"What? König were is all that coming from?" You giggled. You weren't laughing at him, moreso surprised that he'd even try at dirty talk. And surprised that it was good.

"You don't like it? Sorry, I thought you would-" He said retracting back to his nervous self.

You leaned upwards and crashed your lips into his. Holding his jaw and sliding your tongue into his mouth, tasting yourself from earlier. Letting his lips go with a pull at his bottom lip with your teeth. His face becoming more red by the second.

"I do like it... what else do you have to say?" You asked speaking softly to him and biting your lip. You used your right hand to align his cock with your entrance, he slightly thrusted forward. Prying your hole open for you to become one with him.

"Oh fuck... you feel amazing already..." He moaned pushing forward.

You winced and squirmed. Eyes shutting tightly so you could imagine something else in your mind to not focus on his size.

"Ugh- K-König... it hurts..." You whimpered desperately.

He stopped and looked down at you, seeing your eyes glazed with tears again. "I'm sorry Y/n... I'll stop if you want me to?" He suggested, kissing you all over to hopefully sooth the pain.

"No no- it's fine... it feels like you're in my stomach." You responded.

"That's a good thing right? Please say it's a good thing... I don't think I can pull out now..." He whimpered hoping you'd agree.

"Somewhat? Ugh just kiss me so I don't think about it..." You huffed feeling irritated by the criplingly slow pace.

All you wanted was for him to come out of his shell already and actually use you how he'd liked. You definitely had a thing for him being so huge. You thought he was lying when he told you how tall he was.

But when he had to show you how inconvenient his life is with being so tall, you believed him.

You could feel your walls sucking him in even more when you thought about how he ducks under every doorway to enter a room. The amount of times he's bumped his head on the shower head.

The fact that he has to get his clothes specialty made for him because regular clothes aren't long enough for his limbs, thus making sweatsuits and other loose fitting clothes the only thing he can wear.

He just has to be such a softie who cares so much about you. Why can't he just be rough and take advantage of the situation? He's so big. Why won't he just force himself inside you and degrade you so you can take it?

Or have him mark every inch of your body with bites while abusing your cervix with his massive cock.

The amount of role-playing fantasies that you thought about in your spare time. Him acting like an intruder breaking into the house and the only way to keep you safe is if you let him use you like a pretty little fuck doll. Filling every hole with his come until your whole body was numb.

König moaned and began to rut into you. Your moans engulfing his ears as he placed his hand on your stomach to ease the bulge in it.

You nodded and whimpered loudly as he stretched you out, penetrating deeply with only half of his inches. Fast thrusts making him feel somewhat better than before. When you were on top of him it felt like an internal pain of being stabbed.

"Ahhhm... you've gotten- s-so wet all of a sudden... do I really feel that good?" He questioned himself while moaning more comfortably and attempting to penenteate you with the rest of his inches.

"Ahh- mmm... wait~ slow down..." You cried digging your nails into his muscular back. Now scooting yourself up the bed, attempting to 'run away' from him. He held your face staring into your eyes and kissed your lips. "Okay I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... I'll go slower... I'm sorry... please don't cry..." He softly reassured you while wiping your tears away. Returning to only having half inside. He stared down watching your juices coat him.

It was the most he's ever seen. You felt absolutely incredible around him. His very few past sexual encounters couldn't come close to you.

With the amount of instruction and communication, he felt like he was pleasing you. And hearing you praise him and moan his name was the reward he was itching to receive.

You drove him crazy. He wanted to do utterly disgusting things to you if you'd let him.

"F-fuck you're stretching me out so much... I can't take it~" You squealed placing your hands on chest.

König then grabbed a spare pillow and put it under your hips to make you feel more on an angle. Now lessening the pain for you.

"How's that? Does it still hurt?" He asked scopping your left leg into his right arm.

"A little... but I'll get used to it... other than that, I love it... it's way better than I imagined... so thick... please fuck me... fuck me until I can't take anymore of your cock..."

"Alright... fuck- tell me more... aghh... shit." He moaned speeding up in pace. Moving the bed quicker.

"You're doing an amazing job... I can't stop clenching myself around you... I love your moans, you sound so pretty while fucking me like I belong to you... don't ever stop fucking me...♡" You whimpered in pleasure smiling and pulling him inside.

"O-okay... ngghhh." He began to breath heavily while thrusting faster. Your words encouraged him to go the extra mile. You moaned and wrapped your left arm around the back of his neck, hearing him moan and groan in your ear. Your other hand pressing onto his stomach giving a sorry attempt at trying to slow him down.

He growled and swatted your hand away, thrusting himself deeper inside. Kissing your neck and licking your delicate skin.

"You want me to fuck you like I own you right? Then lay there and fucking take it... fuck you feel so fucking good... your pussy is so wet..."

You acted like what he said hurt your feelings. Your whimpers becoming more soft as you looked away from him. 'Ashamed' that you allowed him to belittle you like that.

Could he read your mind? You didn't even get the chance to tell him you wanted this. He then groaned scooping your other leg into his arms, forcing himself into you in a smooth long motion to not hurt you. Your breasts bouncing giving him something to look at.

"Mhm- you make me so fucking wet... you have no idea how long I've been aching for this... I always would touch myself thinking about you when you're not home... uhh uhhh~♡" You admitted, putting your arms around his neck and moaning in his ear.

"Oh yeah? So you've always been a slut on the inside hm? you fucking bitch... ahhh... you should have already said that sooner. I would have definitely fucked you then..." He desperately responded before biting into your neck.

Yes! Just yes! You were screaming of joy on the inside. He was doing everything perfectly.

Your legs locked around his waist again. You scooped your arms inbewteen his and held his shoulders tightly, your nails digging into him as his thrusts got harder. At this point the penetration felt like you were on cloud nine. Anything that gave you pleasure before couldn't even come close to having sex with him.

His balls slapped against you, the bed hitting the wall and his groans mixing with your whines of pleasure. König was feeling cocky, your moans and praises encouraging him further.

Not to mention your nails scratching his back up pretty bad. He couldn't feel it considering the adrenaline rushing through his body to give him the willpower to show you an outstanding preformence. Aside from that, he did have perfect stamina.

He couldn't take having to ask you if this or that felt good every five seconds.

"Take every inch just like that you fucking bitch... ohh fuck... I don't hear you complaining about how I'm too big now? Just say how much of a slut you are already... you've wanted me to ruin you for so long that it makes you braindead.."

You bit onto your lip not being able to speak. You moaned clenching around him again and cried out his name. König then held your face tightly for you to look at him, now glaring lovingly into your eyes. "Fucking tell me how big you think I am... you're so fuckin' small compared to me... awe look our hands can't even touch fingers..." He teased holding your hand with his.

You moaned pulling him inside and letting go of him holding his wrists in your hands. "Ughhh I can't fit anymore of you inside my tight pussy~♡ you're so fucking big I won't be able to walk straight after this-"

"König please toss around like an object. Take advantage of me! You're so strong... it's not like I would fight back... don't even ask to change positions- just fucking turn me in any way you want because I'm yours and no one else's... fuck I've been waiting so long for you to fuck me senseless, now it's finally happening- you make me so happy~♡"

König moaned and closed his eyes tightly, he lifted you up from the bed and held you tightly, bringing you over to the wall and pinning you to it while ramming himself into you. You cried in pleasure rolling your eyes back and clenching around him yet again. A whoreish smile plastered on your face signifying you were really enjoying yourself.

"I'm so close Y/n~ aghh... where do you want me to come?" He asked whimpering softly while pinning your wrists to the wall so he could hold your hands.

"C-come on my stomach~" You begged.

You grabbed his hand with yours and brought it to your neck, whimpering for him to choke you. "Please choke me while you come~ I want to pass out... ahhh please K-König~♡"

"Fuck you're such a come drunk slutty whore for me... you should have told me you were a whore... I can't get enough of your pathetic little pussy around my cock... take me in like this is the last time I'll ever touch you..."

You could feel yourself getting lightheaded as he applied pressure to your throat and on the sides of your neck. You whimpered looking into his eyes once he stopped, biting your lip and moaned his name again.

"Yess- y-yess I'm a whore~ I'M YOUR FUCKIN' WHORE~♡"

____

König let your back rest on his chest while he bounced you up and down his shaft. Holding your thighs in his hands and singlehandedly having the strength to lift you up on his own. Your right arm hooked around his neck as you rested your head on his shoulder whimpering softly.

He didn't want to be rough with you while the two of you were near finish. He loved you too much to call you out of your name for too long. He was a natural softie on the inside after all. He kissed your neck and moaned into your skin, feeling you clamp around him.

"You're so beautiful... I love you so much Y/n... I want to stay like this forever... you mean so much to me... so special and perfect just for me..."

"Uhhh ughh... I love you too König... you did so well tonight, please I want to come again..."

He then turned you around for you to face him. Holding your face to keep your eyes on him. The knot in your stomach about to burst as your lustrous desire from early had just came true. You both moaned in unison together, he slammed you down onto him once more before pulling out of you quickly and used your hand to pump up and down his shaft. You looked up at him with helpless eyes while rubbing your clit.

He moaned your name encouraging you to get both of you off. "You're hands are so pretty... fuck you can't even jerk all of me off... it just keeps slipping out of that little hand... it's so fuckin huge isn't it?"

"Mhmm... you're way bigger than any guy I've been with... you're the only one who can bring the slut out of me... please come on me... I need to be sticky with your come."

"Fuck... keep your hand still... ohhh mmm- Just like that Y/n... just like that~ I love youuu~♡ Thank you for letting me fuck you- Thank Youuuu!"

You nodded keeping his eyes on you and pumping faster. Using your hand to rub his sensitive head and gently squeeze it. He groaned fucking his hips into your hand. The soft warm feeling of your skin messaging his shafy over and over. He moaned a few more 'I Love You's' before his hips loosened up and was followed with his thick load showering all over your toros.

Covering your stomach, belly button, breasts and chest. He whimpered finally reaching climax and watched you as you sighed heavily to catch your breath.

He had remembered that you didn't come yet and quickly pulled your hips up into his embrace, imidiently sucking your clit and fingering you, moaning into your legs and staring down at you.

"Come on... come for me... please Y/n come for me... I'm so sorry, next time we'll come together... come on... just come one last time and we can stop..." He desperately spoke quickly trying to encourage you.

"Ahhhh ahhhh Okay~ König~" You nodded covering your face in embaressment.

"Yeah? Say name... don't fuckin' forget it... you're so beautiful... your eyes drunk with lust as I suck your precious little clit... oh I can tell how badly it's aching for me..."

You could feel his come sliding down your body. The cold substance playing a hand in your orgasm. You closed your eyes and pulled the sheets, making the corners of them pull off and leave the mattress bare. You cried louder and bucked your hips on his tongue getting yourself off.

"Mhm... Mhmmm... mhmmm... come for me... mhmmm." He hummed aggressively forcing you to get off just by the vibrations.

König keeled down and let you lay back onto the bed. He scooped you up into his arms still sucking on your clit, slobbering on it, shaking his face in it and slurping up everything swallowing your juices slowly savoring your taste.

You threw your head back and tried to move him from your legs but he refused to do so. You cried out his name feeling the knot explode. It felt like fireworks had just went off in your mind as the tingling feeling traveled through all parts of your body.

Beginning inbetween your thighs and floding all the way to the ends of your fingertips and toes. He continued to suck and slurp you up. Humming staring at you while your whole body shook.

"Ahhhh ahhh stopp~ I can't take it... it feels too good~ Oh please please please stoopppp!" You begged begining to cry and hide your face again.

"Hmmm hmm? Mhmm?" He hummed a random response to mess with you.

Your mouth watering, tongue hanging out of your mouth as he kept going. Fuck what on earth had gotten into him. You tried to push him away once more but instead had your wrists snatched up and pinned to the bed. He glared up at you, finally letting your clit go but flicking his tongue back and forth and blowing on it watching your hips buck to hopefully catch another swipe of his tongue.

And with that he finally let you go. He watched your entrance clamp and pull on air. A stream of your arousal dripping down onto the sheets. He kissed your clit one more time before laying down next to you and sighing heavily in relief.

You looked at him, mind fuzzy and overdtimulated. You weren't aware if you orgasmed again but the feeling of pleasure never settled down. You then hugged his arm and sighed in relief as well.

He groaned pulling you onto him, not caring about the mess he made on your body. Your chest pressing onto his.

He caressed the back of your head and kissed your forehead. Hearing you hum softly in response while resting your face into his neck. Signaling that you were satisfied with his outstanding preformence.

"Do you want to go again?" He simply stated after all that happened.

#cod zombies #mask kink #smut #cod mw22 #codmw2022 #mw2 #mw2 2022 #warzone #konig #konig x reader #konig x you #konig mw2 #könig #könig mw2 #könig cod #könig x reader

[sweeterhoni]

MINORS DNI! have this before i drop the full fic somewhere between friday - sunday, this week!

not proofread. this snippet will be deleted before the full fic is out ! first part's pinned in my blog .

childhood friend!jake x afab!reader . r18 and sensitive topics (religion + dub-con themes)

wednesday came, and the field was packed with students. mostly women, who prepared banners with jake’s name.

it wasn’t enough for his drive, he appreciates all the support as he bowed a thanks to the crowd but his eyes search for you. he was desperate to see you with his last name and number, he wanted to see you brand yourself as his unknowingly.

the players whistled, it indicated your arrival. it was easy to spot you, you were everyone’s favorite and there was a huge number of guys who crushed on you. jake never liked that fact, even if you show no signs of interest in them. it just never sat right with him. he visibly showed his upset when you covered his jersey with a jacket. he strode and stopped completely in front of you, prompting you to get closer to the rails.

“give me your jacket” and it wasn’t a question or suggestion, he demanded. tapping the rail before having his arm stretched out, you complied in fear he might mess up later’s tryouts. without another word, jake retreated to his corner and started his warm up.

this little interaction left you dumbfounded, he watched how your mouth formed an o. he sucked in a breath with his fists clenched, he wanted to hover his thumb over your lips and command you to suck– he wanted to but he can’t.

not when your eyes glossed over the field, concerned if jake was in a sour mood or if her presence would make the tryouts go haywire. jake caught sight of your restless figure, you sat away from a friend and settled by the railings he figured you were nervous, probably overthinking the outcome of the tryouts and he found himself host a coy smile when realisation hits. he was all you can think of.

it became a boost to his drive but he was sure he’d also get hard if he’d envision you being fucked while you wear his jersey, and it wasn’t hard for jake to not have these thoughts. you entice him in ways you weren’t aware of and he wanted to indulge in it, if he gets to fuck you later.

. . . . .

the tryouts went smooth, now you’re seated in jake’s car after being promised that an ice cream date would be the best way to celebrate.

but only that? jake woudn’t settle for that. you knew him, his achievements were always celebrated in a grandoise way. so what exactly does jake have in mind?

would you have to spend thousands for the ice cream?

you arrived at a conclusion that your wallet might cry, you shivered and played with the hem of jake’s jersey. how innocent.

on the other hand, jake wanted to make you cry. he wants to make you beg, to introduce you to a world where he can be the only god you worship. ice cream was a cover up, he’d take you back to his apartment and devour you. his eyes would catiously glance to you, watching how you bite your lip and showed signs of anxiety. your eyes, there were tears threatening to fall and — oh how he loves the way you turn your head to the side to wipe the stray tears.

jake started wondering if you’d turn away from him when he starts fucking you. he wondered if you’d bite your lip or whine and let the neighbors know that their favorite angel was screaming for her new god’s name. he wondered if you’d ever been touched, let alone, fucked?

will he be the first?

he felt his pulse race, his hands were shaking in excitement at the mere thought that he would be the first to break you. in a hurry, jake gripped the steering wheel and accelerated.

“jake!” you whined in shock, you huffed and breathlessly repeated his name.

fuck. jake no longer knows if you were scared or if you were pleading. do you know? could you hear his thoughts?

it was driving him insane. if you knew and played along his act, or if you really don't know... jake just can't think straight when all he wants is to have your body on his. he ached, this time, it was unbearable. he had to act, you were already there. why would he wait any longer? when you look like you're ready to take him in right then and there.

“dove.. princess.. let me touch you.”

he spoke, his breathing was heavy and he flushed a dangerous shade of red. he looked angry.

“you trust me right pretty girl? come on, move.”

#enhypen smut #enhypen #jake x reader #enhypen hard hours #jake smut #jake sim

[markberries]

feelings ﹒ jw

synopsis ﹕ the best way to deal with your crush on jeon wonwoo was to avoid him at all costs. now that you're stuck having dinner with him alone, there was no way out.

genre + ﹕fluff, slight comedy, idol!wonwoo, non idol!reader, best friend + matchmaker mingyu, fem reader, reader has a big crush on wonu lol, reader is also an awkward mess, the TINIESTTT bit of angst but that's because reader overthinks a lot

wc ﹕3k

warnings ﹕reader is kinda insecure + compares herself to others

there he was, in all his glory, black hair neatly styled with a simple outfit that consisted of grey sweats and a black t-shirt.

“here’s your chance! go talk to him,” mingyu pushes you in the direction of your crush. you awkwardly stumble over your feet, nearly falling. your crush, jeon wonwoo, whips his head towards you.

your heartbeat grows louder, your ears growing hot as you quickly turn around to avoid eye contact.

“what are you doing? go over there,” mingyu eggs you on even more, making your stomach do uncomfortable flips.

yes — you had a crush. as dumb as it sounds, you’ve been absolutely infatuated with jeon wonwoo ever since the day you met him. your best friend, kim mingyu, has been trying to set the two of you up for ages.

unfortunately for you, you could never muster up the courage to even look in wonwoo’s direction. even if he tried to strike up a conversation as you waited for mingyu outside the practice room, you always found a way to avoid him or keep the talk short. you would say it’s one of the worst traits about you.

of course you want to talk to wonwoo, ask how he is or be able to grow closer to him, but you couldn’t. your anxiety would overpower you, resulting in awkward stuttering or statements that didn’t even make sense. or in the worst case scenario, you would find a way to basically run away to do something else if you saw him coming your way.

“i can’t,” you fix your outfit self-consciously, straightening out your pencil skirt. mingyu ruffles your hair playfully, sending you in full panic mode to adjust it.

“he’s coming over here,” mingyu states, drinking out of his water bottle. your eyes grow wide, shambling to stand side by side with mingyu. he smiles, trying to hold back a laugh.

mingyu was right, wonwoo was walking towards you two. you can’t move, your feet feel planted in place as a hundred thoughts race through your mind. wonwoo’s face lights up as he gets closer.

“y/n, nice to see you,” he greets you, earning a nervous smile from you. mingyu elbows your side subtly, reminding you to say something.

“hi,” you say quietly, making you internally face palm at yourself. he looks so pretty even after dancing for hours, his forehead glistening with sweat and his skin glowing. he adjusts his black rimmed glasses, pushing them up. you can’t help but admire him, his brown orbs fixate on you as you continue to stare.

mingyu clears his throat, wonwoo’s eyes flicking towards his direction instead. “y/n and i were just about to go get food.”

“yum yum,” you say out of nervousness. you cringe at yourself.

you shift your attention to mingyu, who is already looking at you with a smug grin.

“y/n is really hungry but sadly i’m really tired and i just want to sleep,” mingyu tells wonwoo, with a fake frown on his face as he keeps his eyes on you. you furrow your brows, glaring at him with an ‘i’m going to kill you’ look. leave it up to kim mingyu to try and play matchmaker with every opportunity he gets his grip on.

“oh,” wonwoo says, “i don’t mind going with you, y/n.”

you step on mingyu’s foot, making him wince in pain. thankfully, wonwoo didn’t notice.

you clasp your hands together, “actually i–”

“great! hope you guys have fun,” mingyu pushes you again, and you almost land straight on the floor. thankfully, wonwoo’s fast reflexes catch both of your shoulders as mingyu runs away to talk to minghao like a little kid.

wonwoo’s touch has your entire face heating up as he looks at you with concerned eyes. “are you okay?”

your breath hitches, straightening your posture quickly while avoiding eye contact. the amount of anxiety coursing throughout your body was unbearable, you could barely even talk to wonwoo. how were you going to sit and have a meal with him alone?

“yeah, i’m fine,” you spew out a white lie. you two begin walking to the back exit of the building to avoid being seen by fans, wonwoo’s keys jingling inside his pocket. you’re nervously obsessing over what to say, or if you should speak at all.

the lights of the building hum quietly, but it’s barely audible as conversations from many different people tune it out. wonwoo adjusts his hair and puts on a face mask, giving you a chance to steal a glance at him. his presence alone has your heart skipping beats, as you imagine all the possible outcomes of your small little outing together.

you reach the exit, wonwoo politely holding the door out for you. your lingering embarrassment still has a hold on you, making you stare at the ground and mutter a “thank you” in a small voice.

“is there a restaurant you have in mind?” wonwoo’s voice breaks the silence, making a small part of you jump. he sticks his hands inside of his pockets, still walking alongside you, but head fully turned towards your way.

“no, you can choose,” you try to reply in the sweetest voice you could find within your vocal chords.

his face lights up, “hm, let’s go to homulang then. it has ramen, katsu, a lot of japanese cuisine. is that okay with you?”

you respond with the nod of your head, butterflies erupting within you because you were merely walking with him. no one else, just the two of you. you were still slightly irritated with mingyu because you knew that the only things coming out of your mouth would be short sentences every once in a while, or nothing at all.

you truly couldn’t help it, after all, wonwoo has millions of fans all over the world and probably a lot of other idols who find him cute. insecurity would eat you up constantly with the thought of dating wonwoo, or even just trying to explain how you feel to him. he’s also way too busy, you didn’t want to trouble him with anything else.

it’s still quite early in the evening, 6:14 pm to be exact. the sun shines down onto the pavement, clouds scattered in the blue sky. you walk by civilians on the street, no one paying attention to you two as your feet pat against the gray concrete. the cars driving past you result in a slight breeze, but it’s satisfying in the hot weather.

you feel the urge to run away building up inside of you. there’s only one thing going through your mind; holy shit, i’m hanging out with wonwoo! you feel self conscious just standing next to him, wanting to cover your face or wrap your arms around yourself.

once the restaurant is in your field of vision, you grow more tense. you straighten out your posture, adjusting your hair. he reaches out to open the door for you once again, letting you inside first. the waiting area is crowded, which means you have to stay close to wonwoo. you feel his hand rest against your back, causing you to swallow harshly.

the hostess greets the two of you with a smile, her eyes lingering on wonwoo as he removes his mask.

“table for two, please,” wonwoo tells her politely. her face lights up, grabbing a hold of two menus.

“great! right this way please.”

gosh, it feels like everything is finally beginning to sit within you. you’re going to be sitting here, with wonwoo. talking. for at least an hour. you feel sick just admitting it.

he pulls your chair out for you, and you can’t say you’re surprised. you didn’t fall for him solely for his good looks, in fact, you very well loved how much of a polite person he was.

the hostess walks away, bright smiles directed to wonwoo only. you awkwardly bite the inside of your cheek, taking note of how gorgeous she looked. wonwoo didn’t seem to pay much attention to her longing gaze though, just casually opening the menu.

“oh my god! y/n?”

a voice startles you. it doesn’t make it any better since your senses are heightened due to the amount of anxiety pitting inside of you. your head snaps towards the voice, and you’re staring up at a woman with long black hair and a grin.

“seoyeon,” you breathe out, standing up to give her a hug. wonwoo watches your interaction in silence, grazing his fingertips along the plastic menu.

“it’s so great to see you! you look so different, in a good way! you’re so pretty,” she gushes. you can’t help but shyly look down, bowing your head slightly to thank her.

“you look great, too. by the way, this is wonwoo,” you introduce him, making his eyes shoot up to hers.

“nice to meet you,” he says.

seoyeon was an old friend of yours from high school — she was well adored by everyone and not to mention extremely desired. you wouldn’t say you were the best of friends with her, but you were quite close.

“oh sorry, am i interrupting something?” she inquires innocently. you open your mouth for a moment, awkwardly looking between the two of them and waving your hands.

“n-no,” you’re able to stutter out. “but other than that, what brings you here?”

she points to her name tag sitting upon the shirt of her uniform. “y’know, duty calls! but i’ll leave the two of you alone now. let me know when you’re leaving though! i want to talk to you again.”

she waves goodbye, walking to another customer’s table. that leaves you with no one other than wonwoo. you look at him for a moment, his eyes already on you. you force yourself to look back down, but you can see the small smile he has on his face from the corner of your eye.

he exhales softly, “what are you getting?”

you don’t say anything for a second. oh no, is this a test? is he asking me to see if we have things of similar interest? what if i answer wrong? i should say i’m getting the prawns— wait no, he hates seafood!

“i think i’m going to get the pork cutlet,” you answer firmly. wonwoo lets out a small chuckle, which sounds like absolute music to your ears.

“it’s just me, don’t worry. you can be yourself.”

that was the problem, it’s just him. the guy you’ve been crushing on for years. you can’t just be normal, because every time you try to even say something to him, you feel like wrapping yourself in a dozen blankets and hiding forever.

you’re so caught up in your own thoughts you accidentally knock over your cup of water, not even registering it at first. it’s not until wonwoo’s gripping at the napkins, scrambling to clean up the mess, is when you finally notice it.

your eyes widen, standing up in your chair as you try to help him. you could just cry right now, not only were you terrible at conversation starters, but you utterly embarrassed yourself in front of wonwoo.

“i’m so sorry,” your voice shakes, wiping aggressively at the dripping water.

“it’s okay,” wonwoo tries to reassure you while standing to assist in cleaning. in your mind, it’s just the gentleman in wonwoo trying to not make you feel bad. there’s just too much happening around you, it makes you want to burst into tears.

“i’m sorry,” you repeat yourself, hands shaking.

“y/n,” he says softly, all while placing his hand on yours. “i promise it’s okay.”

his kindness makes you calm down a bit. after about three more “i’m sorry's”, and wiping the remaining water, you sit back down.

wonwoo adjusts his glasses once more when he takes his seat again, trying to see if you were still shaken up. you know that he doesn’t understand why you’re so on edge, but you can tell that he’s trying to make you feel better. in reality, you’re just overthinking absolutely every movement you make.

you are aware that this dinner would feel like hell for you, even if you were spending time with the one guy you hold admiration for. it didn’t matter, because you were already here. you were sure that if you came up with a lame excuse to leave, wonwoo would see straight through your lie.

so whether you like it or not, you were going to have to power through this.

—

surprisingly, tonight was not that bad. in fact, you and wonwoo ended up staying at the restaurant for longer than one hour. you learned a lot about him, some things you already knew, but others you didn’t.

he talked about how initially, he was a vocalist. it wasn’t until people commented on how good his rapping was, did he start to look more into it. he told you all of his book recommendations when he heard you loved to read, and although you couldn’t completely get over your nerves, you still had a good time.

“thank you for uh, coming to get food with me,” you tell wonwoo awkwardly, waiting for the bill to arrive.

“it was fun. i hope you talk to me more in the future though, because i thought you disliked me,” he admits. your eyes widen, shaking your head.

“no, no! it’s not that.. i’m just.. bad at talking,” you half lie, mumbling quietly. wonwoo lets out a sigh of relief, “that makes me feel a bit better.”

the reason it was a half lie was because you were bad at talking, just only to wonwoo. with the other members you were fine, but every time he came up to you, it felt like all your speaking abilities would run out the door.

your waitress finally comes back with the bill, bringing a card machine with her. you open up your bag, taking your debit card out.

“i’ll pay,” wonwoo offers, also holding one of his cards out.

“please don’t, i’ll feel really bad if you do,” you immediately decline his offer. you reach to tap your card on the machine, but wonwoo is faster. he beats you to it, thanking the waitress.

“hey! i said don’t!”

wonwoo shrugs his shoulders, “you’ll pay next time then.”

his words affect you in two different ways. on one side, you’re squealing internally because wonwoo is actually interested in hanging out with you again. on the other side, you’re overthinking everything, wondering if you’re going to embarrass yourself like today.

the both of you gather your things to leave, walking to the door. you tell wonwoo you have to say goodbye to your friend first though, walking towards seoyeon who is organizing receipts at one of the registers.

“hi, i’m about to go,” you pipe up, making her look towards you.

“oh! before you leave, i wanted to ask about your friend, wonwoo,” she informs you. your heart beats a little faster, dreading what she is about to ask.

“is there anything going on between the two of you? because you know.. he’s really good looking..”

of course seoyeon was interested in wonwoo. after all, that was just your luck. and you couldn’t really lie to her, that would be unfair to both her and him. because no matter how you look at it, there really wasn’t anything going on between the two of you. you were just friends. or at least, wonwoo thought so.

all you had was a crush on wonwoo, a crush that you were never able to build up confidence to pursue. this was quite literally the only time you and him had gotten to spend time together alone. plus, you believe seoyeon and wonwoo would be great together. you’re too awkward and can barely speak to him, and she’s so confident.

so as much as it pains you to answer, you shake your head no.

“oh thank goodness, i didn’t want you to think of me as a homewrecker or anything,” she laughs. she quickly writes her number on a napkin, handing it to you. you reluctantly take it, cursing yourself for not having enough courage to confess to him.

you quickly say your goodbyes, leaving the restaurant to find wonwoo. he’s standing outside, waiting for you as you walk out.

“you’re choosing the place next time, by the way,” he states. you nod your head, holding the napkin in your hand.

“what’s that?” he asks you. you stare down at it, getting more upset with yourself by the second.

“my friend wanted me to give me your number,” you breathe out, “she asked me if there was something going on between us.. i said no and she asked me to give you this.”

“oh, i see,” wonwoo replies, almost sounding disappointed. you begin to panic again.

“i’m sorry! i should’ve said that you don’t have time for dating or that you um.. you weren’t interested, but i didn’t give her any of your information so don’t worry.”

“it’s not that,” he tells you, taking the napkin from your hand and folding it neatly. “i just thought that there was something going on. with us.”

“oh,” is the first thing that pops up in your head. you don’t even notice what he said at first, only being thankful that he wasn’t mad at you for trying to set him up with a friend of yours.

but then it hits you.

“...oh.”

you’re honestly at a loss for words. he had to be joking, god, you really hoped this was some really cruel joke. if it wasn’t, that means wonwoo was somewhat interested in you, and actually perceived you as a person (something you did not want).

“um.. ah.. wow.. you’re cool! wait— not just cool, i really like you, wait no, not really like you. like normal person like you. no that’s not right either, i like you more than just normal person liking!”

he can’t help but stifle a laugh, placing an arm over your shoulder. you stand frozen, eyes wide while he looks down to you. when the hell did his face get that close?

“i know you do,” he smiles.

“but i thought you thought i disliked you?”

“well,” he starts as you two start walking in the direction of the dorms, “i decided all those times you were avoiding me or having trouble speaking were either because you hated me, or you liked me.. you told me otherwise, hence why i know you have a little crush on me.”

you go silent, the nerves taking over you once again. wonwoo knew? and not only that, wonwoo didn’t find it weird. in fact, he actually reciprocated your feelings. you’re too busy trying to wrap your head around everything that you don’t realize how he presses a quick peck to your forehead.

when you do come to terms with it, your face and ears begin to heat up. your heart is racing, your entire head on cloud nine. wonwoo smiles to himself, proud that he made you flustered.

“oh my god,” you whisper to yourself.

“i’ll kiss you for real, next time.”

“oh okay— wait, what?”

#wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo angst #wonwoo oneshot #wonwoo imagine #jeon wonwoo fanfic #jeon wonwoo fluff #jeon wonwoo angst #jeon wonwoo imagine #jeon wonwoo oneshot #seventeen #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen imagine #svt #wonu #markberries

[pedroshotwifey]

To The Flame chapter 11

Series masterlist

Pairing: Dark Javier Peña x Fem!reader

Chapter word count: 3.9k

Chapter tags/warnings: angst, toxic relationship, fighting, manipulation, mental and physical abuse, major anxiety/panic attacks, chronic overthinking, controlling behavior, unhealthy idolization, stuff I'm probably forgetting

Chapter summary: WAKALA!!

A/N: Welcome to the deep, babes. Get comfy because we're not coming back up :)

*****

You wake up to a cold bed. Again.

You get up quick, whipping your head around the room and trying to find your husband, who you know for a fact has the weekend off. When you find he’s not in your bedroom, you check the bathroom, then the hall, and every room until you’re sure you’re left in an empty apartment. 

He’s not here, which means you’re left alone again in your much too quiet apartment. It’s been a long week for you; all your time spent renovating the apartment with nobody to talk to. You’ve been looking forward to him just being home for the day almost as much as you had been looking forward to your forgotten date last night. 

That pang of hurt that had fallen asleep cradled in your chest last night comes back full force. You quickly push it down as you try to rationalize your thoughts. Maybe he’s out getting breakfast, or maybe he forgot something at the embassy. He could be picking something up from the hardware shop in town. 

You fold your arms around your torso and glance at the clock, scratching the breakfast idea upon seeing it’s about 11:30am. Wherever he is, you just wish he would have told you where he was going beforehand—or at least that he was going to go somewhere in the first place. You scan around the apartment one more time, checking every surface for a note, but come up empty. 

That’s fine, you tell yourself. You’re sure he’ll be back soon. You decide to get ready for the day and brush it off as much as you can. 

Back in your bedroom, you pull out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before brushing your teeth and pulling them both on. You try not to glance at Javi’s side of the closet as you dress. Some part of you is almost angry at him for leaving like this, which only serves to make you feel guilty. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. He’s a grown man who can make his own decisions. You’re not his mom. 

You decide after a cup of coffee that you’ll work on getting the stains out of the hardwood today. It’s a strenuous job, but it’ll keep you from brewing while you wait for your husband to get home. A bucket and scrub bush later, you’re kneeling on the living room floor, sudsing up one of the sections that had been hidden by a rug. 

You try to keep your mind off of him as you work, knowing you’ll just get fired up if you keep feeding yourself annoyances. It half works. You honestly just can’t shake that sadness at the fact that he did indeed leave you alone. It may be selfish, but you just don’t understand why he would want to go anywhere when he’s finally getting a day to be with you. 

But by the time you’re done with the apartment, the floors spotless and you drenched in sweat four hours later, he’s not back. You hadn’t even realized how long you’d been working for, a ball of worry now dropping low into your stomach. There’s no reason he should be gone this long on his day off. Surely he would have told you first even if he was, right?

You sit on the drying floor for a few moments, chewing your lip as you contemplate your next step. It doesn’t settle well with you, but you decide you’ll clean this mess, then get a shower and prepare dinner, and if he’s not back by then, you’ll make some calls.

There’s still a hollow spot in your stomach as you shower, and it only grows once you step out to find that he’s still not back. But you tell yourself to calm the fuck down, and go prepare dinner anyway. If he did go to work, he probably wouldn’t be home for a couple more hours anyway. 

It’s a task to ignore your gut as you get dinner ready, unsure if it’s good or bad that it’s one of the most time-consuming meals to make. You make the dough, wash and cut your ingredients, make the filling, and put it all together in a flurry of anxiety and building dread. 

You swear your lip has bruises on it from how hard you’ve been biting it as you work. Awful thoughts run through you as you clean up and put the dish in the fridge for later. Thoughts of him stuck somewhere without help, of him wounded or—

You blanch just at the thought of that, nausea rolling not just through your stomach, but wracking your entire body. He’s told before how dangerous his job is, how much more he’ll be working in person to down criminals here in Colombia. What if he didn’t have backup? What if he was taken? But he shouldn’t even be at work today…

You can’t even fathom the thought of him one day not coming back to you. Just ceasing to exist one day and leaving you alone again. How would you survive without him? Without his love? Without loving him in return? 

Your hand comes up to cover your mouth as you will yourself to take steadying breaths, not realizing how much you’ve started shaking. You look at the clock. It’s almost  8:30pm. He’s been gone for at least eight or nine hours now. 

That’s it, you’re calling the embassy. Javi had told you not to unless it’s an emergency, but you would consider this such. You storm into the living room and dial with shaky hands, trying to keep down your anxiety. You lift the receiver and bite your nails as you listen to it ring. And ring. And ring. You curse and try again, only for the phone to go unanswered again. 

You groan in frustration and slam the receiver back, hot tears springing to your eyes as the panic within you starts to rise. You’ll just have to go down there. You know Javi wouldn’t want you to do that, but what the hell else are you supposed to do? You can’t take the risk of not doing anything if it turns out he’s missing—or worse. 

You hurry back to the bedroom and tug a coat from the closet, throwing it on and heading to the hall to shove your shoes on, remembering that you haven’t yet explored the city. Hopefully you’ll be able to find your way based on memory. 

Just as you’re about to reach for the doorknob, it turns. Your stomach churns and you feel the urge to throw up again as your worry somehow both increases and dulls for different reasons. You step back as the door opens to reveal Javi, a bit tired looking but uninjured. 

You don’t give him a single second before you thrust yourself into his arms, babbling into his chest and trying to stop your tears that suddenly stream down your cheeks. You hadn’t realized how worked up you had gotten. His arms wrap around you and he takes a few steps to lead you back through the doorway and closes the door behind you. 

“Woah, sweetheart, slow down for me,” he tries to sooth you though his own voice is a bit frantic. “Tell me what’s going on, honey.” 

You back away from him just enough to get some semblance of your thoughts back in order. He looks extremely worried, his hands moving to lift your arms one at a time and then your chin, assessing you for any injuries. 

“I d-didn’t know where you were,” you start, watching him carefully. “I woke up and you were gone even though it’s the weekend and I waited all day because I thought you would be here and you didn’t come back so I called your work because I thought you were hurt or—” 

You’re lucky you run out of breath because your choked sob would have stopped you otherwise. You cover your eyes and take a deep but ragged breath. Javi’s hands quickly come to your wrists, trying to gently tug them away. When your hands are back down with his, you see him kneeling before you, his own eyes laced with worry. 

“Honey, I’m so sorry. I got called in while you were still asleep and I didn’t realize how long I’d be there for. I—” 

He stops as he takes in your entire outfit for apparently the first time since he got here. His brows furrow and you sniffle. His gaze comes back up to you after, his eyes cold now. It makes you rear back a bit, putting a few more inches between the two of you. He stands and watches as your expression turns to one of confusion. 

“Javi? Wha–” 

“Where the hell were you going?” He bites it out quick, his tone more demanding than you’ve heard before. Your face scrunches up slightly, a bit of anger ebbing into your previous anxiety. That’s what he wants to talk about? Your mood changes so quick it almost gives you whiplash, all other emotions siphoning into anger and agitation. He doesn’t get to disappear all day and then come home and question you.

“I was coming to find you,” you tell him, stepping toward him as if to dare him to use that tone again, though your tone was just as harsh. A muscle ticks in his jaw. 

“Why the hell would you do that?” 

You gape at him. Is he being serious? 

“I was worried sick! You really think I’m supposed to just wait around while you could have been dead in an alley somewh—” 

“Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do,” he counters with a steely voice. 

You don’t even know what to say to that.

“You were gone all day, are you really going to fucking grill me right now? You didn’t even leave me a note and the embassy didn’t pick up. How am I supposed to know you were actually at work?” You know that your anger is coming out of seemingly nowhere, but after stewing in your anxiety all day, it’s not hard to provoke you. You also know that last accusation was a low blow, and you regret it as soon as it’s out of your mouth.

“You know you shouldn’t be going out without me,” he bites, luckily choosing to ignore that last quip. You can feel his own temper rising, and it does nothing but increase your own. He’s not winning this, not after his stunt today. 

“I can go out if I want to go out,” you spit, crossing your arms. 

He lets out a warning chuckle, shaking his head. “ Not here you can’t, you fucking know that.” 

“Yes I damn well can! You don’t own me, I’m not just going to stay stuck in the apartment all day and night every day of the year!”

You can feel the tension rising between the two of you, but you don’t back down. There’s fury simmering deep, and you’re not about to agree to playing rapunzel for much longer. 

“Will you just fucking drop it? It’s for your own good!”

It’s making you sick, how quickly this is turning into something bigger, but you can’t stop even though your brain is screaming to let it go. 

“No, I won’t ‘just fucking drop it’, Javi! I’m not some dog you can just keep at home while you go out and do whatever!” 

He takes a step toward you, warning clear in the hardness of his eyes and the clench of his jaw. 

“I don’t understand why you’re making this such an issue, I’m trying to keep you safe,” he growls. “Do you not get that it’s dangerous here? You could be kidnapped, killed, raped.” 

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t have brought us here!” you cry, taking a step towards him as well. “I’m sick of not having any freedom!” It’s true; you’ve missed being able to go out, but you haven’t brought it up until now. You’d assumed it would change within the next few weeks, but it doesn’t sound now like that would have been super likely. 

“Oh is that what it is? You’re a slave now?” 

You rub your eyes and groan exasperatedly, getting more and more frustrated. Every bit of annoyance you’ve ignored from the last couple of months is starting to stir together in your head. 

“That’s not what I fucking said! I’m just tired of not being able to do what I want.” 

You realize right after you say it how childish that sounds, but you stand up straighter and look hard into his eyes as you ignore the impulse to wince.  

Javi lifts his arms and looks around pointedly. 

“You have plenty of shit to do here! I bring you whatever you want, but no, it’s not good enough is it?” 

You’ve never heard him speak this way; not to you or anyone else. It immediately brings tears to your eyes. You again feel like you’re acting like a child, and it frustrates you beyond comprehension. Does he really feel like you’re that much of an annoyance? 

“God damn it, Javi, stop putting words in my mouth!” You get closer to him, putting an accusing finger on his chest as you look into his eyes to try to get your point across. “I have nothing here right now, I feel fucking lonely,” you choke back a sob at the admission. “Most of my shit was left in Texas and now you’re not even around anymore to keep me company. I can’t call my sister and I don’t have any friends. I’m tired of being so alone.” 

Javi bites his cheek, nodding at you. “Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucking come with me.” 

The ache in your chest spreads, pieces of you cracking with each word that comes from his mouth . You don’t want to believe it’s real. This is Javi. Your Javi. Why are you fighting? What’s happening? You want it to end, but your mouth moves too quickly for you to stop it. You’re too heated to have any kind of effect on the retorts slipping so easily off your tongue. He’s making it sound like he can care less if you were with him or not. Like he doesn’t need you like you need him. It hurts. 

But even so, you still take the bait. “Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have.” The words hurt coming out, but you don’t take them back.

He puts his hands on his hips and backs away, laughing exasperatedly at you. “You’re acting like a spoiled fucking brat. Everything I’ve done is to make you happy, and it’s still not enough.” He looks down at you with what could be called disdain, and you suddenly want to break down as a shameful feeling embeds itself somewhere deep inside of you. He looks angry, more angry than you’ve ever seen him before. “You’re acting like you’re stuck with me, when I’m the one who married you to get you out of your damn house for being a slut!” 

Your eyes widen and your body trembles as the blood drains from your face. What did he just say? It suddenly feels like you’re floating, everything around you disappearing until it’s only you and Javi left.

“W-what?” your voice is weak as you struggle to even get the word out through your gasps for breath. It feels like your heart is crumbling, a sudden ringing in your ears being the only distraction from it. Tears fall from your eyes, blurring your vision even as you try to blink them away. You don’t understand. Javi would never say something like that to you. 

He looks for a moment like he’s going to apologize, scoop you up in his arms and beg you to forgive him. You can see it in the way regret flashes across his face, softening his gaze and making his lips part like he just realized what he said. But then he steels himself, stands up straight, and crosses his arms. 

“You heard me. It’s your own damn fault.” 

You watch him, your body now tensing with a pain beyond physical. You want to fucking scream at all of the emotions tearing you apart from the inside. You’re on the brink of a panic attack, your head going light as you try to understand what’s really happening. You almost startle when you hear a voice, only to realize it belongs to you. 

“N-no, I-” It’s not your fault, it can’t be. You look down to the floor, mouth gaping as you try to find something to say. When you look back up, all remorse is gone from Javi’s expression. It flips something within you, and before you can stop it, you're rushing to him, tears of pain and frustration turning to those of unabashed anger. 

“Fuck you! I fucking hate you!” You practically scream the words as your fists pound on his chest. 

He grabs onto you, yelling something that sounds like “stop”, but you can’t hear properly through the fog that’s taken over your brain. All you can focus on is deflecting these emotions that have welled up inside you, the ache in your chest. He shoves you, and you falter but keep going. You want to crawl somewhere and hide for a long fucking time. 

And you know as soon as it happens, that you messed up. A sting radiates across your cheek, and your vision blurs for a reason other than tears. All the air leaves your lungs and your legs turn to jelly as you descend to the floor. 

You almost don’t understand how you got there until you look up and see Javi standing above you, heaving with his hand still raised. He’s positively fuming, watching you with a fiery rage.

Regret takes over you immediately. You did do this. You made him hit you. He would never do that if he didn’t have to. You were hurting him and… Your cheek begins to pound and you bring a hand up to feel it, only to flinch away when your fingers make contact with the sensitive flesh.

Javi watches you for another second, and then turns his back, making you spring into action even though you’re still in a terrible daze. The scared leap of your heart is enough to get you up. 

“No, no, no, I’m sorry, wait, please–” 

You’re still crying and sniffling as you crawl part way and then stumble to your feet to catch him before he goes. He already has one hand on the doorknob, keys in hand when you reach him and he stops. 

“Javi, please, I didn’t mean it, I—please don’t leave, I’m sorry!” You’re in hysterics as you grab onto him, waiting for him to wrap his arms around you and forgive you for being so immature. But he just stands there, letting you sob into the same chest you’d been hitting seconds earlier. 

You’re shaking violently as your body wracks with your tears, feeling nauseous from the whole situation you just created. You don’t know how long you stand there before he finally reciprocates your affection and pulls you closer. He cups the back of your head to him and gently rubs your back, shushing you quietly. 

“Shh, I know baby,” he coos, his voice a stark opposite from the one that spat those hurtful words just minutes earlier. “It’s okay. I forgive you.” 

Your relief is immediate, your sobbing settling as you can finally get a calming breath back in. 

He forgives you. It’s okay. He forgives you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper anyway, the words echoing in your empty head as your mouth moves of its own accord.

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispers back, ducking his head down to plant a kiss on yours. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

You nod, more for yourself than for him. It’s only now that you can feel the exhaustion seeping in, the fighting and crying having taken a lot out of you. 

“Can we go to bed, please?” You ask in a voice that’s barely audible. Everything feels fake right now, it’s a strange sensation, almost as if you’re in a dream. It all feels so overwhelming. Not just the emotions, but the lighting and the bright colors around you. The feeling of Javi’s shirt against your cheek as you cling to him. 

Javi says nothing but carefully scoops you up to carry you to the bedroom. When he sets you back down, you close your eyes and let him undress you until you’re left in your panties, and then he helps you lay down. 

You get comfortable, making sure not to lay on your numb and throbbing cheek. He crawls in a moment after you, clad in his boxers. He turns the bedside lamp off and then pulls you to him, letting you cuddle up into his side and place your head on his chest. 

You lay there with him for a moment, your eyes stinging even in the dark as you try not to think about how different the outcome could have been. You’re so lucky that he didn’t leave you all alone after what you did. He stayed and comforted you, even after you’d taken him for granted and treated him so terribly. 

“I’m sorry,” you can’t help but say again, your voice hoarse and small. “I love you.” There are still tears crawling down your face, but they feel thin, like you’re about to be out. 

Javi holds you tighter and whispers back to you in the dark. “I know, baby. I love you too.” 

He loves you. It’s okay. 

There’s another few minutes of silence where you contemplate a risky question. You’re sure Javi probably thinks you’re asleep by now, but your mind doesn’t rest that easily. You just need to make sure he’s not at all mad at you anymore; you know you won’t be able to fall asleep without knowing, that you’ll fall back into a panic if you don’t make sure things are as perfect as they can be. You need things to be normal.

You weigh the possibilities of his reaction, and then decide to take a chance by asking anyway. You make sure to use your sweetest voice as you do so, just in case. 

“Javi?” 

There’s a beat of silence. 

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

You swallow before biting the bullet. 

“Will you still take me on our date? Since you’ll be with me…” 

You hear him mutter a quiet curse, but you can tell it’s not out of anger for you, but the realization that he had forgotten all about it. 

“Yes, carino. I’ll take you on your date.” His voice is warmer now, relaxed.

You smile in the dark, the last of your panic simmering into nothing with the reassurance that you’re forgiven. 

“Go to sleep now, I promise I’ll be here in the morning.” One of his hands comes up to pet your hair, soothing you in a way that you need right now. 

He loves you. It’s okay. You’re okay.

You nod lightly and let your slightly-puffy eyelids flutter shut, allowing yourself to relax as you whisper another ‘I love you’. You fall asleep within the next few minutes, comforted by the rise and fall of his chest, the weight of his gentle hand, and the knowledge that you didn’t ruin it all. 

*****

I would love some feedback on this one to see where we're at! I love you all and I hope this chapter met your expectations 💕

As usual, the taglist is always open! lmk if you would like to be put on or taken off! <3

Series taglist: @corazondebeskar @yorksgirl @nerdieforpedro @axshadows @melaninmommy @survivingandenduring @kewwrites @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff  @callachloe @missladym1981 @sofiparallel @koshkaj-blog @sheepdogchick3 @movievillainess721 @jessie8605 @casa-boiardi @justlulu @iamsherlocked-1998 @hjzghi-blog

#pedro pascal #fan fiction #ao3 #pedro pascal smut #smut #pedro pascal characters #javier peña x reader #javier pena x you #javier peña #javier pena x reader #dark javier pena #dark pedro pascal #tw abuse #manipulation #angst #fighting #javier pena angst #pedro pascal fan fiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fandom #ttf #to the flame #javier pena fic #narcos fanfiction

[heartofwritiing]

Jitters and good luck kisses

paring: musicianbur x fem!reader

authors note: just a short little blurb i had floating around my brain if the reader was dating wilbur and she joins him on tour for support lol. more wilbur fics are cominggg!!

warnings: Wilbur having anxiety, fluffy fluff, pda, short, unedited! if their is anything i missed let me know!

pre-show was always filled with anxiety for wilbur.

He's not exactly sure where his anxiety stems from when it came to performing, but it seems to be a combination of various factors. His overthinking brain tends to focus on potential mishaps, like messing up lyrics or strings breaking. However, he has rehearsed and there's no need to worry about these things.

He tried to clear his mind by shaking his head, hoping to expel the constant noise bombarding him, but it didn't work.

The opening act concluded fifteen minutes ago, and he sensed the audience becoming restless and excited about his band's performance. This caused him to feel increasingly nervous.

Wilbur had always been eager to please others and wished for everything to go smoothly in every circumstance. He had no desire to let anyone down, especially himself and the numerous individuals in the packed venue that had sold out within minutes.

He was still on cloud nine from everything recently. his band was finally taking off and getting more recognition. He was finally making a name for himself and was feeling proud of all the hard work he had put in. He was ready to take on the world and continue to make more music. He was determined to stay humble and keep learning, no matter how successful he became.

As his loving girlfriend, you were immensely proud of him. You stood by him through thick and thin, supporting him every step of the way as he chased his dreams. To you, nothing was more important than seeing him genuinely happy, and his passion for music brought him just that.

Remember that you left to get water five minutes ago he is anxiously pacing on the side stage again, wondering where you are. You went to the venues small "dressing room", which consisted of a mirror, a sofa, and chairs in a musty old room that smelled heavily of cigarettes. He expected you to return by his side sooner.

For the past month, you have been there every other night to wish him good luck with a kiss and cheer him on from the sidelines. You sing along to every single song.

You could tell that he was at ease when you were around, observing him from the sidelines and listening intently to every note he sang. His natural on-stage presence was undeniable and it was clear to you that he was meant to be there.

You were always there for him as a comforting presence whenever things took a turn for the worse. Though he felt guilty about relying on you for emotional support, he knew that your love for him surpassed any such concerns. Your mutual support for each other was a source of joy and strength.

Wilbur nervously chewed on the skin around his nails while Joe next to him tried to calm his nerves as well. Meanwhile, Ash and Mark engaged in casual conversation. Wilbur couldn't comprehend how they managed to stay composed before performances. If they did feel anxious, they never showed it.

“How are you guys not freaking the fuck out?” Wil questioned Mark and Ash, as he now was fiddling with the pegs on his fender.

Ash just shrugged. Great input.

“I used to but now it’s like not as much, since when I'm out there it kinda goes away like a switch is flipped in my brain to not be as anxious,” Mark explains.

Wilbur could agree with that. He experienced the same feeling every time they performed. As Mark mentioned, a switch would turn on in his mind, causing the bright lights and muted sounds of the audience to fade away. All that remained were the sounds of his own voice and his bandmates playing passionately in his ears.

"Okay guys, just one more minute before it's time for you to go on!" The stage manager gave them a thumbs-up before heading backstage to ensure that everything was ready to go one last tiem.

Wilbur’s eyes fell back to the spot where he last saw you disappear and felt his heart beating against his ribs. Panic settling in again.

As another minute passed, he worried that he wouldn't have enough time to kiss you before he went out. Mark was the first to go out due to his queue, followed by Joe and Wilbur could hear the fans cheering as Joe waved to them.

Just as Ash was preparing to take the stage, you rushed in through the side door and approached Wilbur with an anxious expression.

"I'm so sorry. My mother called and wanted to check in on me," you explained.

Wilbur noticed your panicked state and approached you, moving closer until your chests were almost touching.

"It's alright. I'm just relieved that you arrived on time. I was just about to step out," he exhaled, feeling as though he had taken his first breath in minutes.

Being close to you again felt like he was grounded and not lost in his thoughts. Regardless of the time and distance, he always felt your absence and missed you dearly.

As you smiled at him, Wilbur felt like he could die from the sheer beauty of the moment. The apples of your cheeks were so round, and the look in your eyes made it clear that you belonged to him.

He loved you so much.

"Of course! I couldn't let you go on without a kiss," you playfully remarked.

His hands came up to cup your cheeks tenderly and you both leaned in simultaneously until your lips met. It was soft and had nothing but your love and admiration poured into it. It wasn’t rushed or heated, just enough time so that when he pulled away your lips felt tingly with excitement.

You took his hands in yours and kissed his knuckles while gently squeezing them, letting him know that you would be waiting for him after he finished his set. He took a deep breath.

“go be a rockstar,” you kissed his cheek.

As you stood before him, he leaned in and placed one last soft and tender kiss on your forehead. The moment was too precious to resist the urge to kiss you one last time. He held onto your hands until you were too far apart to hold on anymore.

He then turned around, his guitar securely strapped to his back as he strode confidently toward the center stage. The microphone stood tall and proud, waiting for him to deliver his musical gift to the eager audience.

You watched in awe as the man you loved nervousness instantly floated away, as Mark counted into the first song and played his heart out. You never got tired of seeing him be so in the moment when he presented himself in front of an audience.

Wilbur approached you after the show with his heart pounding in his ears and a smile stretched across his face. The stage attendant took his guitar, and he embraced you in a bone-crushing hug spinning you around You could feel the excitement radiating off of him as he set you down. Sweat clung to his shirt and skin but you didn't care.

"That was one of the best shows we've done!" he exclaimed. "The audience was really engaged and enjoying it. I'm so proud of the band!" His happiness was infectious.

He looked into your eyes and smiled. It was important for you to let him know how proud you were of him. You have told him countless times, but you never got tired of telling him.

"I'm so proud of you honey!" you beamed.

Wilbur left your side to go congratulate the rest of the team. the rest of the band gathered around to celebrate together as You watched on in admiration as Wilbur interacted with each of them so effortlessly You felt immense pride seeing how far they had all come in such little time.

You couldn't tell what they were talking about as they all nodded at something Joe had said and separated to get ready to pack up and get back on the tour bus.

There was a look of love appearing on Wilbur's face when he looked back at you. You felt a warmth in your heart as you returned his gaze. He returned to you and embraced you once more, burying his face in your neck. As he bent over you, your hands threaded their way into his damp curls.

"Thank you for being here, I honestly don't know what id do without you." he sighs into your ear.

Your heart fluttered at the softness in his voice and you tightened your grip around him.

"I'm glad I could be here. I love you," you whispered the last part so softly that you doubted he could hear it.

Until he whispered back so affectionately; "I love you too,"

You both left the venue hand in hand as you walked with the rest of the group to the bus to get ready for going out for drinks at the local bar to celebrate another great night.

#wilbur soot x fem!reader #wilbur soot x reader #mcyt fanfiction #fanfiction #cc!wilbur soot x reader #musicianbur #musicianbur x reader #cc!wilbur soot #blurb #headcanon #cc!wilbur soot x fem!reader #fluff #wilbur soot fanfiction

[manicpixiedreamcurl]

The More You Give ❧ (Part V)

Pairing | Eddie x reader

Warnings | 18+ minors and blank blogs don’t interact, bullying, friendship comes and goes, discussions of anxiety, discussions of virginity, discussions of sex shaming, frottage (PUSSYJOB), everyone’s very vulnerable.

Word count | ~11,800

A/N | Oooh, mama. It’s been a while. I hope most of the people who like this fic are still around.

Taglist

Previous Chapter

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You like calling Eddie, the sound of his voice over the phone. The way he answers it differently each time:

“This is Eddie Munson, lead guitarist of Corroded Coffin; available for christenings, bar mitzvahs and weddings.”

“Munson residence. The old guy’s out so if you’re looking to buy a collection of novelty mugs now’s the time.”

“You’ve reached the church of Satan; Abaddon the Destroyer speaking. For your free introductory handbook on summoning circles just dial six-six-six.”

And then there’s the happy rise in his tone when he hears it’s you on the other side, the surprised laugh at the sound of your soft hi, Eddie even when he’d asked you to call. The crackle of his breath through the receiver, the way conversations with him are easy however they happen. With anyone else, phone calls feel stilted and awkward, but Eddie talks as if you’re sitting right in front of him. 

It makes you warm all over to think about. Eddie wants to see you and kiss you and touch you, but he’s also happy to sit on his couch miles away and speak to you, listen in return to everything you can bring yourself to say.

You have taken to dragging a chair from the kitchen and sitting by the hallway table to talk to him like this whenever you don’t see him in the evening. You spend an hour or two at a time smiling at your mom’s address book, twirling the coiled cord of the phone around your finger while Eddie talks about this day, asks about yours, explains why he’s really into this new Swedish black metal band he’s discovered, checks what you’re reading, shares an idea he has for Hellfire, plans your next date.

Today is no exception. Your dad has walked past muttering about the phone bill twice. Your mom, as usual, has stationed herself in the kitchen within earshot, but what exactly she gets out of hearing the low buzz of Eddie’s voice and your laughter, you don’t know.

"And you're sure you don't wanna come, sweet girl?" 

"Yeah, I-" You hesitate, playing with a rose petal from the bowl of potpourri that sits by the phone. "I think I should stay here. Just in case." 

In truth, you don't have much hope that May will call, but imagining that she does and you aren’t here to receive it fills you with worry. The last thing you want is to make things any worse between you after you messed up so badly. 

It’s not unusual for you to feel this type of regret. When overthinking something delays your actions until it’s too late. You worried so much about how to tell May about Eddie that you left it too long. You should have told her the day you kissed him, should have phoned when you got back from your first date. Instead, you spent your time imagining the conversation, and let your best friend find out something important through somebody else. 

You hurt her. She is wounded enough that she really has given up defending you. When Caroline remarks on your silence now, May doesn't attempt to fill the emptiness your lumping throat leaves. 

"She's just shy," May used to say, waving her hand. Her embarrassment over your stumbled words and fidgeting hands was clear, then, but you knew she felt for you, even if she didn't understand why she had to. Now she just looks at you expectedly like everyone else, pulls awkward, embarrassed faces when you stumble and fidget through a non-answer.

You had taken to spending more of your lunches helping Heather with her new responsibilities as class president, sitting quietly at debate club and nodding along to her speeches, taking the role of a small country at her model UN meetings. But you are starting to feel her frustration with you, too. 

“You don’t have to come to every meeting if you don’t enjoy it.” She said to you after the last UN encounter you’d sat through without uttering a word.

“It’s just, I don’t really know much about Anguilla. But I like hearing you speak.”

Heather smiled with her lips closed. “That’s not what it’s for, though. I think maybe you’d prefer having lunch with May and the cheerleading girls again.”

You felt your cheeks burning, pulled the sleeves of your cardigan down over your hands and fiddled with the woollen edges. “Oh. Okay. Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Sometimes you think about sitting at Eddie’s table instead. To have another hour of him every day. The picture is nice on its own. Talking to him, to Jeff, even the freshmen Eddie has adopted since the beginning of the year. But then the image zooms out; you at the Hellfire table, May with the cheerleaders, Heather at her clubs, and your chest aches. You don’t know when it happened, when you had to start holding on this tight, digging your nails into them. You only know you’ll leave claw marks on your friendship before you let it go easy.

And while you can never get enough Eddie, you aren’t normally deprived of him outside of the school walls. With anyone else, you might have worried about suffocating him, being clingy. But Eddie makes it clear at every turn how much he wants to be around you. His grin in the mornings when you climb into his van. The way he leans into your space, hair tickling your cheeks, and asks all soft and earnest if you want to go home with him. Some days, he invites you into the trailer to touch and taste you. Others, to sit on his couch or his bed and talk. Or to just spend hours just breathing the same air as him, listening to him scribble in his D&D notebook or strum at his guitar while you read or do your homework. 

But you won't see him tonight. Eddie is going to see Fright Night with most of the boys in his club, and it's all he's talked about the past week. He'd asked you to come, all wide brown eyes and dimples, and your stomach had twisted. 

"Normally May and I do something around this time each month." You hadn't been able to look him in the eye when you said it, fiddling with his hands instead. You'd rubbed the softness of your thumb over the callused pads of his fingers, knowing he had that look he'd been getting whenever you found yourself bringing your friend up. A little sad, guilt he shouldn't be feeling. Irritation, at you or at her you're not brave enough to ask. 

"You sure?" He asks over the phone now. "It'd be pretty easy for me to pick you up. I'm giving Wheeler a ride. He's just down the street from your place." 

You feel a wave of fondness for him, for the lie he’s just told. He isn’t aware that you know exactly where Mike Wheeler lives. You’ve babysat Holly since you were sixteen, and the route to her home takes half an hour in your dad's car. 

"I'm sure," you say, trying to sound firm. "But I hope you like the movie."

"If it's good, maybe we can see it together another time." 

"You wouldn't mind going twice?" 

"I'd watch the same movie twenty times in a row if you promised to come to the last one." He laughs, sounding enough like he means it that your smile hurts your cheeks. 

"That might be a touch excessive," you murmur. "Twice sounds like enough."

"How about tomorrow? We could get dinner first, make a real date out of it." 

Your face heats up like the first time Eddie asked you out. You touch your toe to your ankle, winding the cord of the phone tight around your finger. You whisper. "Okay."

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." You press your knees together. "That sounds nice."

"Unless the movie's shit, then we'll have to call the whole thing off." You laugh down the phone, imagining the tease in Eddie’s smile. "I'll have a review for you by tomorrow, sweet thing."

"Okay, Eddie."

"And I'm not leaving for another ten minutes. If you change your mind, just call, okay?"

"Okay, Eddie," you repeat. "Have a nice time."

"See you soon, beautiful." 

Your toes curl. "See you soon." 

When he's gone and the phone is back in its holder, you have to sit tense and still for a second to avoid making some kind of happy squeal, settling for curling your fingers into your skirt and tapping your heels wildly against the floor. 

You still feel a little dizzy with the thought of him when you pull the chair back into the kitchen, enough that you jump when your mom speaks. "That Eddie on the phone?" 

You fix her with a look, because she knows exactly who you were talking to, and she gives you a mock innocent smile that shifts into a real one. 

“You were laughing a lot.”

Her hands drip soapy water from the kitchen sink, finishing up the dishes that would have been done ten minutes ago if she hadn't dragged it out for an excuse to stay where she could hear you. You chew the inside of your lip while you take the next freshly cleaned plate from her. Grabbing a dry dish cloth to drag across the ceramic, you shrug one shoulder. 

“He’s funny.”

“And you like that about him?”

“Mom.”

“Just a question!” She says, holding her hands up, before grabbing the dish towel from you to wipe her wet hands. “You talk more, when it’s him on the phone. Did you know that?”

“You listen to all my conversations?”

“I’m your mother,” she laughs, bumping your hip with hers. “And I’ve never heard you so chatty.” You give her another look and she reconsiders. "Chatty for you. There's been times I've rounded that corner surprised you were even on the phone, you're so quiet. I mean, with that last boy-” She hums a disapproving tone, reaches out to fix the collar of your cardigan. "I swear you'd sit there and not say anything at all."

“It's easier to talk to Eddie,” you admit, thinking about how pleased he looks when you ramble about what you're reading, the last kid you babysat, even the new eyeshadow palette you’d saved up for and felt a touch immature being so excited about. All his encouraging nods, all the questions and affirmations afterwards. "He's…" 

He’s a million good things. Too many to name, too many to put in order. You glance at her to the side, raising one shoulder. 

"I like him," she declares. "I think he's good for you." 

Your face is hot and uncomfortable, but it still feels nice to agree. "I think so, too." 

When the dishes are away and your mom is settled on the couch with your dad watching Quincy reruns, you walk slowly upstairs, hoping that the phone will ring again before your door closes. 

You make a bet with yourself in your head. If it rings before I get to my room, it’ll be May. It’ll be May and she’ll want to be friends again and everything will be alright. You reach the top, spy the door the end of the hall. Any time after, it’ll be somebody else; a sales call, a chatty relative. 

All you hear as you pad across the landing is your parents laughing at the TV. 

With your door closed, your heart sore, you glance at your desk on the other side of the room, the cork pin board behind it decorated with memories. There is your first concert ticket, next to a postcard from the first time you left this country by plane. An askew origami frog that a boy you used to babysit made for you. A pom-pom that detached from the winter hat you wore from October to March three years running in middle school. 

There is Heather. One photo as she is now, smiling at you over a yellow smoothie. Another couple from your first years together, at the edge of womanhood. Her in braces and her mother's lipstick, the aquamarine taffeta dress she wore to your first high school prom. 

And there is May. She is everywhere, over and over again, in all the stages of her life since you met. She is in pigtails, her small hand in yours, her gap toothed grin next to your close lipped smile. She is in this room, with sparkling eyelids, the earliest and most keen model for your interest. She is at the Spring fair of 1979, holding cotton candy you'd shared soon after the photo was taken. She is at that first concert, decked out in Wham! merchandise. Swim meets and cheer competitions. A line of photo booth strips. You are there with her; both giggling, eyes crossed and tongues rolled. 

May has been a constant in your life, but now your life has shifted. Maybe you have to accept that she doesn’t want to shift with it. 

The phone rings downstairs. 

You hear your dad huff, the sound of your mom rising from the couch and heading through the hall. You hold your breath, listen to the buzz of her landline specific voice, all breezy politeness. Then she calls your name.

You practically throw yourself down the stairs, slipping at the last couple in your socks. You have to hold yourself back from grabbing the phone from her. Taking just a second to glance over your shoulder to check that she's actually walking away, you whisper into the phone. “Hello?”

"Where are you? I rented Footloose." Tears prick in your eyes at the sound of May’s voice. You look up to the ceiling, silent for too long. “You still there?”

“Yes,” you breathe.

“Where are you?” She repeats. “Second Friday of the month. It’s movie night.”

“I didn’t-” You swallow, blinking tears away as they rise and trying not to sniffle. “I thought maybe you didn’t want to see me.”

"Of course I want to see you,” she answers. “You're my best friend."

You feel your bottom lip shaking, can’t fight the sniffles this time. You drag the sleeve of your cardigan across your eyes, voice cracking when you speak next. "You really mean it, May?"

"I’m inviting you round, aren’t I?” She says, sharp tone softened by a sigh crackling in your ear through the receiver. “Of course I mean it.” You hum a high sound, a stifled sob of relief, eyes squeezed shut. “Now, come watch Kevin Bacon shake his ass with me." 

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You are warm under the silken soft quilt pulled from May’s bed. Your stomach is heavy with buttered popcorn and gummy worms. Your skin is soft from the homemade face masks you made in her kitchen, singing along to Cyndi Lauper and listening to May read the recipe aloud from the newest YM magazine dropped on her doorstep just this morning.

Stirring oatmeal and yoghurt together like a potion, you felt a pang of nostalgia. For a second, you were seven years old, standing with May over a muddy puddle, your makeshift cauldron brimming with gathered leaves, stones, and red berries. You’d mix it up with long, gnarled twigs and cackle together like the witches. The mucky water wasn’t just mud, then. It was poison, it was love potion. It was magic, made together. 

Today, at eighteen, you glanced up at May’s concentrated face while she attempted to separate egg whites from yolks, and let yourself be soothed by the thought that maybe some things are still as they were. 

Footloose was abandoned after Kevin Bacon finished throwing himself rhythmically around an empty warehouse, May’s interest in it vanishing swiftly after that. You found yourself on the couch talking while the film played on in the background until the popcorn was finished and the oats could be washed from your face. 

Then May led you up to her room, almost as familiar to you as your own. 

The cream lambskin rug, still matted and stained in one corner from that time you’d spilt nail polish over it. Terrified you might not be allowed to come over anymore, May told her mom it was her, and she was grounded for a week. 

You bought her those fairy lights, the ones that hang above her bed. Last year, you wrapped them in pink tissue paper, felt the satisfying swell of a present well chosen when she’d hugged you tight with the box still in her hand. 

May has her own cork board. Amongst plastic medals and concert tickets, there is you at that fair, you and Heather at prom, the second strip from the photo booth. 

“And it’s like, when was it decided that we had to pick our whole future at eighteen, anyway?” May asks, eyebrows twitching like she wants to furrow them. She fights through it, keeping them high on her forehead to let you smooth powder over her lids. “Here I am, barely out of the cradle!” You snort, and her mouth tilts a touch. “Feels like I started walking last week, and now it’s all, what do you mean you don’t have a clue what you want to do with your life? It just feels crazy to me.”

“It is.” You shift forward on the soft shag carpet, your knees bumping hers under the throw keeping your legs warm. 

“Right? I mean, you know that your brain doesn’t even really mature until you’re, like, twenty-five? So I am close enough to a child that I really shouldn’t have this responsibility.”

Humming in agreement, you rub your thumb at the corner of her eye, smudging the edge of the lilac eyeshadow there. 

“At least I have an idea where I’m going. Indiana State, here I come. You’re still applying for NYU, right?”

“Mm. Maybe,”

“Oh, come on, you have to apply at least!” She insists, eyelids twitching. “It’s the place to be, for your poetry, right?”

You hum. “I might still do Chemistry.”

“Chemis- absolutely not!” Her eyes fly open, and you make a noise of protest.

“I’m not done!”

“You are not doing Chemistry.” May says, a comic picture with one eye bordered by soft pastel tones, the other bare of colour, while she looks at you sternly. “You don’t enjoy it!”

“But I could get a job at the end,” you reason. 

May snorts, eyes closing gently, chin peaking out to let you get back into it as though she’s already won the argument. “Job schmob,” she says. “When you’re in New York, you can find a rich man to worry about that.” You frown, and like she senses it, the eye you’re not working on opens again. “Or find a rich man for me. He has to be really rolling in it though, so he can look after us both.”

You hear Eddie’s voice in your ear like he’s in the room with you. Just wait, I’ll look after you. 

“Think you can do that?” May asks. “Keep an eye out for me, when you’re making all your arty, interesting friends in New York?”

You swallow, tuning back into the conversation. “I don’t think really want me to find you a man.”

“Mmph. The way my love life is going, I’ll need whatever help I can get.” She moves a little then, a slight tilt of her head that would be imperceptible to anyone but you, who's seen every degree of emotion on May’s face. You know she’s going to drop something serious before she even opens her mouth. “I saw Liam last week.”

You fight through the temptation to stop blending the eyeshadow on her lids, keeping your tone as even as possible. “Oh?”

“When I was in Indianapolis with the girls?” Those trips with the cheerleaders you avoid desperately. The thought of being stuck in a car with Caroline on the way there and back can make you break out in a cold sweat. “He was at one of the bars. He apologised, said he wanted to maybe go out again.”

“Mm.”

“Oh, don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything-”

“That was your judgy mmmh,” she says, batting your hand away from her face to look at you straight. “Last time I heard it was when I showed you that top I bought last month.”

Despite yourself, you crack at the memory of the flouncy pink thing she’d shown you with an awkward, self-aware smile. You’d been working out how to gently tell her to burn it when she’d figured out the tone of your hum and thrown it off in front of you with a whispered, “what was I thinking?” 

Now, your tilted lips turn down at May’s solemn expression, her eyes shiny. 

You shuffle closer, tucking the blanket around the both of you gently, cocooning your legs in together. “He hurt you, last time. Used you.” 

She chews her lip. “That’s what boys do.”

“May-”

“I know you think what happened with Andy was bad, but you’ll learn, that’s just how they are. They need a little more forgiveness than girls, and some of them are worth it.”

You feel the beginning of the argument she might not be quite past. “Andy didn’t really like me, May. He only wanted-”

“The same thing they all want. The only thing they all want.”

Your heart aches for her. “That’s not true.”

“You think it’s not true right now, but when you hold out on Munson the way you did with Andy, you’ll see that it is.”

You fiddle with your fingers then, wondering if you should tell her. The guilt of not sharing that you’d started seeing Eddie prickles along the back of your neck. Your knee starts to bounce, and May blinks at you, just as attune to the meaning of your expressions. “Well, with Eddie-”

“Please, please, tell me you haven’t fucked Eddie Munson.”

“No. I mean, not yet but,” you begin, fiddling with your skirt. “Like, we’ve done, y’know, other stuff.” You glance at her shocked face, worry rising. “Don’t tell anyone. Please.”

“Why would I tell anyone something that would literally ruin what’s little is left of your reputation? You wouldn’t let Andy do anything but you’ve been seeing the freak for a few weeks and you’re, what, sitting in his dirty van giving him hand jobs?”

“Oh my god, May!”

“What? What am I supposed to think?”

You shake your head, tense your hands in your clothes. “It’s not like that with Eddie.” Your mind is awash with shiny brown eyes, soft pink cheeks, Eddie’s voice tickling your neck. “I don’t worry about anything, with him. It’s fun.”

“It’s fun.”

“It’s like, I thought sex was something a boy would do to me, something I’d have to let him do. With Andy, it was like if he took me on dates, it was what he would get in return,” you say, fiddling with the blanket. “But with Eddie it’s like,” you hum, hating how awkward this all sounds, so unused to talking about sex yourself, so used to hearing it from other, experienced, confident people. “We go on dates together, and talk together. And then with the, y’know, sexual stuff, we’re doing it…together.”

“But not really doing it, right?”

“No. But my point is,” you continue, grabbing her hand, clasping it in both of yours. “I know I don’t really know anything about boys, and I know you’re not Eddie’s biggest fan. But even though it’s not been long, I think he’s proof that, maybe, sometimes, boys aren’t what either of us thought. And if you really like Liam, then maybe he deserves your forgiveness. But I really, really don’t think he does if he hasn’t made you think twice about what all boys want. And maybe if you found somebody like Eddie-” She makes a face, but you ignore it. “I mean, somebody who doesn’t ask you to forgive them all the time. I think that would be better.”

“Well, I can tell you right now, I don’t want an Eddie.” You press your lips together, listen to her sigh. “But you’re also…probably, maybe right about Liam.”

“He doesn’t deserve you, May. I mean, to apologise when you happened to be at the same bar! If he was really sorry, he should have come to see you with flowers and everything. He probably just saw you, all pretty, and realised what a dunce he’d been.”

She smiles a little at the vitriol in your voice, usually so soft and quiet. “I missed you.”

You almost flinch. “I’ve been here.”

“You stopped sitting with me at lunch.” 

“I…” You close your mouth, shrug instead. 

“I know it’s partly my fault. I was angry, so I stopped defending you. But then, I mean, you just gave up.” 

“I just- Some of the cheer girls are so intimidating, I never know what to say to them.”

“But you don’t try.” Your heart is sore, the guilt of knowing you’ve made life a little more difficult for her. “Listen, if you want to date Eddie Munson, I can be okay with that. I am okay with that.” She nods, seemingly trying to convince herself. “But will you just try, a little more, with the cheer girls? You don’t have to defend your relationship all the time, but maybe just try talking to them about something else? You could come on our next trip!” 

Your toes curl at the thought. “I don’t know.��� 

“Please? We can’t let a boy come between us.” You wonder what she’d say if she knew how hard Eddie seems to try not to come between you. “I like Heather, even though she abandoned us. And I like the cheer girls. But I love you. You’re my best friend.”

“I love you, May. It won’t change.”

“So you’ll try?”

You chew the inside of your lip, give her a little nod that has her breaking out into a smile. “Okay. Okay, great.”

You try not to think about exactly what you’ve just compromised on while you finish her make up. May sits, silent and smiling while you sweep dark eyeliner across her lids, brush mascara over her long lashes.

“There, all done.” You love this bit. May turns to the floor length mirror beside you and grins at her reflection, her pretty eyes bordered by soft pastels from your new palette. It sends a warmth through you that you’d never admit to. Knowing you’re good at this, that even the cheer girls who think you’re weird admire the way you’ll do their make up at competitions. “It’s cool, right?”

“I love it,” she breathes, shifting closer to the mirror enough that the warm throw pulls from the tops of your legs, leaving your thighs chilly. “Just one last question. You’re not gonna play that Satanist game, right?”

Your brain short circuits, having thought you’d just agreed that you wouldn’t have to explain yourself. “Um, It’s really not what you think.” 

The scene plays out in your mind. Eddie, his lips on yours, your hands tangled in his hair, letting you tilt your hips to rub yourself over his thigh, suddenly pulled away from you with a gasp. He’d thrown himself from the bed dramatically, holding his open jeans up by the waistband. You’d watched him, breathless and warm, while he scrambled for a pen before writing in his D&D notebook and looking up at you in excitement. “I just thought of a really cool way to lure them into this whole cave thing I’ve been planning. Shit. They’re so fucked.” Before you could consider being offended that that’s what he’d been thinking about while kissing you, your legs were over his shoulders, his lips were smiling at your thigh. 

You can’t help your fond laugh. “Eddie’s such a dork about it. Last week-” You pause at her expression, realising that May probably doesn’t want to hear that story. You clear your throat. “They just pretend to be fantasy characters.” Witches over a cauldron, Princesses sharing a Kingdom. “Like we used to do, sorta.”

“Yeah, when we were kids.”

You have to swallow the lump that brings up to your throat. To hear her dismissal of the time you’ve been daydreaming about since you walked through her front door. “It’s not Satanist.”

“But you’re still not going to play it, right?”

“No,” you say, feeling cold. “I don’t think I’d be very good at it, anyway.”

She watches you for a second, but says nothing before grabbing the eyeshadow palette from the floor beside you. “Let me try, then. Get you all glammed up for making s’mores later.”

You smile with closed lips, let your eyes fall shut. You have to ignore the pang in your heart, the reminder that some things are entirely different from when you were seven. 

❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄❦

“You know, I kinda thought there’d be more trembling.” Eddie’s breath tickles your ear as he whispers, again when he blows cool air on your neck just to see you wriggle a little while you look up at him, wide eyed. His pale face is illuminated only by the screen at the front of the room, but you can still see the mischief in his eyes, in the barely there turn of his smile. “I was told that taking a pretty girl to a scary movie would have you grabbing my thigh in pure terror. That you’d need me to comfort you with my masculinity.” 

You just about fight off the laugh, still glad that you are sequestered together in the back row when a soft amused noise escapes your throat. On screen, the newly transformed and aptly named Evil Ed laughs maniacally. The special effects and practical make up are impressive, but the whole thing has enough of a teen movie vibe that you’ve been about as scared as you were watching Kevin Bacon stuck on a tractor yesterday. 

“You and your masculinity should have picked a scarier movie.” You feel the flutter of nerves that accompanies teasing Eddie back, still always a little worried that it will come out wrong. The answer of Eddie stifling his laughter, eyes crinkling at the sides, has the butterflies scattering. 

“Noted,” Eddie whispers, cheeks dimpled. It strikes you how close he is now, his breath spreading over your cheeks. He leans down more, his nose at your temple, his lips pressing soft to the skin beside your eye. You shut both, breath shaking as Eddie’s mouth leaves a handful of kisses down your cheek to the corner of your mouth. There, he feels you twitch, and his eyes open to find you tense in your seat, fingers curled in your sleeves. 

You are fighting the urge to turn and check the rest of the row, the whole room, to make sure nobody is watching. The image of an attendant appearing with a flashlight taunts you, the thought of being escorted out of the theatre in shame. You open your mouth, trying to work out what to say, but Eddie just smiles at you. His hand finds yours, fingers tangling together in a gentle squeeze. 

“Sorry,” he whispers, licking his lips quickly. “M’sorry, baby.” 

You watch him lean back in his seat, face set in contentment to be sitting with you and feeling your palm against his. You’d been worried for a second there, that he might be angry with you, or that you might have to explain your worries until he understood. But it’s Eddie. 

You stare at his profile, the soft curls the brush his face, his pouty lips, and find you really, really want to kiss him, here and now. Eddie’s your boyfriend, you remind yourself with a shiver of happiness. Teenage girls have been kissing their boyfriends in the backs of movie theatres since the projector was invented, so why, why, shouldn’t you kiss yours?

You rub at the sleeve of your cardigan with your free hand, letting yourself have the comfort of looking around you quickly to make sure there really isn’t anyone else in this row, or even the one in front. With your eyes closed tight, you remind yourself that the boy who ripped your tickets looked about fifteen, not quite dedicated enough to this job to search the rows looking for kissing teenagers with an invasive flashlight. 

Pressing your knees together, you cuddle into Eddie’s side, smell his two-in-one shampoo and his aftershave and his skin. You press a kiss to his cheek, feel a little scratch of early stubble against your lips. His head turns, eyes scanning over your face. “We don’t have to, sweet thing.”

“I know.” You nod, tilting your chin up in petition. “Please?”

Eddie watches you for a second, giving you time to back out before he leans down to press his lips to yours. It’s a chaste thing; so quick that he has your mouth following him when he pulls away to make sure you’re still happy to kiss him here. Eddie breathes a soft laugh that has your stomach twisting, then his hand is covering your cheek. You feel his breath, your eyes close, and he’s kissing you. 

Eddie’s mouth is warm, but it tastes like blue raspberry slushy; sweet and sharp. At the first lick of his tongue against your lips, you feel a soft noise wanting to escape your throat, but it’s beaten back swiftly by the remaining fear that has your heart racing even as Eddie’s thumb smooths a gentle caress over your cheek. Underneath that is a new giddiness. The feeling that you’ve pushed past something, overcome a fear, however small. And to be doing this, making out with your boyfriend at the back of a movie theatre, like other girls have done.

Your arms find his shoulders, hands clasped together behind him, and Eddie smiles to your lips, just barely pulls away. His thumb stretches to rub your swollen bottom lip. “My brave girl.”

You shiver when he kisses you again, your toes curling in your sneakers. You think you could live on Eddie’s praise. Every pretty girl, smart girl, good girl he gives feels like it’s designed to leave you wanting to crawl onto his thighs, or else sit between them. Eddie’s mouth, intent on yours, wet enough that it feels like the start of something he definitely won’t finish in the back row of screen three, has you remembering how free he can be with his praise when your mouth is on him.

You weren’t expecting to like it so much, but thinking about the weight and taste of him in your mouth makes you squirm as much as the thought of his own tongue where you are most sensitive. You’ve enjoyed it every time since the first moment you spent looking up at him from between his thighs. Watching Eddie fight to keep his eyes on you, mess his own hair up when he forces himself not to take yours in his fist and push you down. His voice, desperate and breathy, coaxing you to try and take him just a little deeper, sweet thing. The quick hot flash of degradation when he taps his cock against your cheek or your tongue before pressing inside.

There is even something pleasant about the lasting ache in your jaw afterwards. The feeling that you’re willing and wanting to do something that hurts to make Eddie feel good is a sick satisfaction you're not yet used to.  

Cinema speakers fill the room with a swelling, dramatic soundtrack. A girl screams, a monster cries out in pain, no doubt making everyone else in the room jump in terror and shake with anticipation for how the whole thing will end. You can hear it, but only just, so firmly in the world of Eddie-Eddie-Eddie. 

Eddie has the beats of the movie memorised already, pulling away from you with a soft gasp just as the opening notes of the music over the end credits begin, a little line of spit connecting your lips until Eddie makes one last move to lick it away. 

The lights come up seconds later, the first groups of people standing to leave. They walk past you and Eddie, both breathless and dishevelled, without a second glance. Under the new lighting, Eddie’s cheeks are now clearly pink. It warms you from the inside out to know that you did that.

You feel the need to be close to Eddie as you leave, grasping onto his hand with both of yours when your jackets are on and he’s guiding you from the theatre. “How’d you like the movie?” He asks in the parking lot, dimples deep in his cheeks.

You hide your face in his arm, feeling that strange new embarrassment crawling up your spine. You mumble into the leather of his sleeve. “I hope nobody asks me how it ends.”

“Yeah, hadn’t thought about that.” Eddie opens the door to his van, holding your hand to help you up until you’re settled in the front seat. He leans in through the door with wide eyes. “Hey, maybe we could see it again next weekend?” 

You chew the inside of your lip. “Would I really see the end if we did?” 

His head falls forward, hair following in a wave. When his head tilts back up, one of his eyes is closed. “You figured me out that easy, huh?”

You smile at each other, Eddie looking over your face as you look over his. His big eyes, dark eyelashes, light freckles, sweet nose, plush pink lips. You’ve never seen another boy you could so comfortably describe as pretty.

You think he might walk round to his side, but instead you feel Eddie’s palm, warm at your knee. “So, uh, the thing is,” he rubs a circle with his thumb at the bottom of your thigh. “It’s Wayne’s day off, and most likely if we go to my place he’ll be in the living room watching MacGyver.”

“Oh.”

You feel guilty for being disappointed. Wayne is always polite, never breathes a word of complaint at the fact you seem to be in his home most days. The only inkling of irritation you get is never at you or Eddie. Instead, there is something in the way he drags himself from the trailer every evening, ready to stay up all night at the factory. When you’d asked where he slept, realising that the only bedroom in the trailer was the one decked out with posters and amps, Eddie had shown you the fold out bed in the living room with a close lipped smile. 

He is, more than anyone, due a day off. But you were gearing yourself up for being in Eddie’s bed tonight, trying to prepare the least awkward way of asking him. 

“And I’m happy to just hang out with you, sweet thing, you know that.” His hand squeezes, even the metal of his rings warm from his skin. “So we can go back to mine and watch MacGyver with the old man, or I could try to teach you some guitar again?” 

That’s tempting, certainly. You doubt sitting between Eddie’s legs with his arms around you, guiding your hands over his acoustic guitar was the most effective teaching method, but you certainly preferred it to any alternative. 

“But if you wanted,” Eddie continues. “Only if you wanted, I could maybe drive us to the quarry or something?” Eddie blinks, tucks some of his hair behind his ear with his free hand. “It’s, uh, quiet.”

Your heart beats a little faster, you can hear the sudden rush of it in your ears. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He asks, in that sweet way of his, wanting to make sure you’re not just acquiescing to everything he suggests. 

“Sounds good, I mean.”

“Okay,” he nods. “Belt on, sweet thing.” He gives your knee one last squeeze while you pull the belt over your front, then pushes away from the frame of the door. He taps a quick rhythm under the window when it’s closed, grins at you through the glass. You watch him jog round to the other side, hair flying out behind him, and wonder if every single thing he does will make you want him more. 

You sit in companionable silence while Eddie drives, feeling that soft comfort you only get with a few people, knowing that he’s not waiting for you to speak. You look out the window, watch the shops and gas stations disperse into houses which in turn give way to trees. All of them appear more as streaks of colour than clear pictures with the way Eddie drives, like he’s being judged on time. 

“Hey, can I play you something?” 

You turn from the window, taking a second to fully register the question before you hum a positive noise. Eddie’s right hand reaches out to turn on the stereo, the sudden attack to your ears of wailing guitar making you jump until he turns it down all the way with a sheepish smile, a murmured, “sorry.”

You watch Eddie’s hand, pale and lithe, as he skips through tracks. The metal chain that adorns his wrist is twisted a little at the leather clasp, and you reach to straighten it out with your thumb and first finger. When he’s found the right track, he turns it back up a touch, wiggles his fingers until you grab his hand. An urgent rhythm fills the van, the tell-tale guitars of all Eddie’s music, and he sighs, leaning back into his seat with a grin. 

“Hear the rime of the ancient mariner, see his eye as he stops one of three, mesmerises one of the wedding guests. Stay here and listen to the nightmares of the sea.”

Something clicks.

“Oh, that’s a Coleridge poem!” You lean forward to turn it up further with your free hand, trying to concentrate on the words. It tells the whole story from the lyrical poem you’ve had a copy of since you took an interest in the romantics when you were fifteen; a mariner who kills an albatross and is blamed for the resulting misfortune by everyone on his ship. 

“I knew you’d know it. My smart girl.” Eddie is the picture of pride, eyes crinkled at the sides. “I was reading a Steve Harris interview - he, uh, writes most of Iron Maiden’s songs? And he mentioned the reference and I just thought, you know, you might think it was cool.”

“I do.” You picture Eddie, soft and comfy in his bed, flicking through a magazine. You imagine him reading about his favourite thing, and a spark lighting in his head relating to you. Something that made him excited to share it with you. “Thank you, Eddie.”

He shrugs, like it doesn’t mean anything, but his cheeks are blooming with pink. You can’t say anything else, for fear of blurting out every thought running through your head. 

You listen in silence, trying to decide how you want to ask him. Every way to say it feels awkward and wrong. Fuck me, take me, have sex with me. You picture asking Eddie to make love and feel a mix of yearning and nausea. By the time you reach the quarry, you have been playing with the ring on Eddie’s right hand, feeling the smooth stone, twisting it round his finger, for a good five minutes.

Eddie steals his hand from you while he parks by the trees opposite the quarry, pulling the keys from the ignition and throwing them on the dashboard before reaching out to let you take hold of his hand again. The easy quiet is gone. You can feel him waiting for you to speak. Your mind screams at you to remain silent, hating the thought that you might risk humiliation with Eddie. 

“Will you look at me, baby?” Eddie pulls your hands from between you. You follow it with your gaze, watch him press a kiss to your knuckles before you meet his eyes. "I really didn't mean to, you know, imply anything by bringing you here."

You shake your head emphatically. “I know. You’d never.”

Eddie breathes a little sigh from his nose, looking relieved. You think he has to be the sweetest boy ever born, and then you can’t help yourself. Eddie makes a soft happy noise when you bring your face to his, lets you kiss his soft bottom lip. He licks softly at yours, so you open your mouth to let him in, holding back a whine and reaching up to play with the collar of his denim vest; the material rough and familiar in your fingers. 

Eddie pulls from you, licks his lips, and breathes, "I can't get enough of that." 

"Mm?"

"The way you grab at me when you get a little shy."

Your eyes widen, processing the reminder that your silly little habits are not as inconspicuous as you might wish to believe. Of course Eddie has noticed the way you fiddle with his hands, his rings, his hair, his clothes, the second you feel an uptick in the pace of your heart. But then, Eddie just said he likes it. 

"S'not annoying?" 

“Not for me! They call me Eddie the stress toy, you know. People used to come for miles around to give me a squeeze."

You laugh at his attempt at an earnest face. "Used to?" 

"Yeah, well, you got exclusive rights, these days." Eddie says, tilting his head with a touch of endearing shyness. “What kinda idiot would I have to be, not to like my girl touching me all over?”

You want him, want him, want him.

You press your heated face to his shoulder, still playing with the frayed denim of his collar while you mumble into the vest. “Eddie?” You feel the vibration of his answering hum against your cheek. “I want-” You shake your head, as if you could bury yourself into his clothes. “Can we-” You turn your face, looking at the seat behind, all the space there. 

Eddie strokes at your waist. “You wanna, uh, get in the back?”

At your quick nod, Eddie clasps your cheek with his warm hand. He tilts your head, kisses you soundly. “Stay right there.” 

Eddie jumps from the van, legs swinging, and jogs round to your side to open the door for you. “Princess,” he says, offering you his hand with a flourish. You giggle, jumping down towards him and letting him lead you round to the back of his van like a gentleman. Still keeping up the routine, he opens the back door and gestures with a bow before helping you up. 

The back is a scene of amps and wires, a bass drum with CORRODED COFFIN scrawled over the skin. Luckily there is space enough for the two of you, so you settle yourself in the middle, surrounded by enough little pieces of Eddie that the back of this van feels a little like home. When you look up, Eddie’s still outside, staring in at you.  

You press your knees together, turn them to the side. “Eddie?”

“Yeah-” his voice breaks. He tries to hide it with a cough, clearing his throat and giving his chest a couple taps with the side of his fist. “Yeah,” he repeats, deeper now, as he climbs up after you. When the doors are closed, Eddie shuffles towards you, half squatting. “So, you’re happy with the carriage, Princess?” You nod, throat tight when Eddie kneels down in front of you. “That’s good.” Something in his face changes, a spark of excitement in his dark eyes. “You wanna lay back for me?” 

The space between your legs pulses. “Mm.”

“Here,” he says, pulling off his jacket and rolling it up into a makeshift pillow. You lean back and he leans in to place it below your head, face above yours while you settle into the soft leather. His hair tickles your cheeks until he tucks it back, staring down at you. Your heart, your body, screams at you, ask him, ask him, ask him. Eddie kisses your neck quickly, shakes his head like he’s emptying out a thought. “Fuck, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this dream.”

Again, ask him, ask him, ask him.

“Eddie,” you start, mind caught between the worry of how this will go and giving in to the gentle fuzziness of Eddie’s hands rubbing gently at your waist. You swallow, look to his eyes, then his forehead. “Will you-” The words catch, leaving you with a warm face and eyes squeezed closed in embarrassment. 

Eddie hums, gifts your cheeks his lips. His nose brushes the side of your face, and he murmurs. “Anything you want, pretty. Let me hear it, mm? ”

It’s Eddie, you tell yourself. From the first time you spoke to him, he’s never judged you for anything. He won’t judge you now. It’s Eddie, you repeat in your head. My Eddie. 

“I’ve never, um-” Your toes curl at the clear nerves in your voice, the beating of your heart that you swear he must be able to hear. “Nobody’s ever- Mmh.” 

“It’s just me,” Eddie says, thumb at your cheek. “It’s only me, sweet girl. Wanna know what you’re thinking.”

“I think,” you sigh, let some of the nerves out with it. “I think you’re beautiful, Eddie.” He blinks, surprised, but gives you a sweet smile when you touch gently at his pink cheek, feel the beginning of bristle under your finger. “And I want you. I mean, I want you to be first.” And second, and third, and every time after.

You stare at each other, breath heavy in your chest. Eddie’s eyes shine until he blinks it away. “Come- come here,” Even though he says it, he’s the one to lean down to you, giving you a chaste kiss that turns desperate when you reach up to play with his curls. 

Your head swims, relief and anticipation swirling together. A quiet moan escapes you when Eddie’s mouth moves to your jaw, down your neck. “Do you, um, have, like, protection?”

Eddie freezes. His face comes into view, brows furrowed. “Wait. You want me to fuck you right now?”

Oh. You hear the rush of blood in your ears, a ringing noise. You pull your hands from his hair, fingers curling, hands tucked to your chest. You suddenly wish he wasn’t on top of you, wish you could hide your face from him. Your head starts working overtime, supplying all the things he’s no doubt thinking about you now. You think of Erin, writing on the bathroom wall. Slut. Desperate. Whore.

“Hey,” he says, voice soft. Eddie presses his pointer finger to your temple, gives it a playful rub. “Are you doing that thing you said you do? Lying there convincing yourself you’ve fucked something up?”

A little part of you resents that he nailed it down so quickly, but you nod, blinking away the first bubbling tears, staring at the collar of his Metallica shirt rather than his face. “I just thought you’d want to.”

Eddie makes a soft noise at the back of his throat. “C’mere.” He pushes himself up from the floor of the van, grabs your hand to pull you with him. You end up curled at his side, knees just resting on the side of his thigh, his arm tucked around your shoulder as he leans you both against the back of the seats. You pull your sleeves over your hands, fidgety even as Eddie is rubbing at your shoulder softly. 

“Course I want to,” he says, leaning into you. “I wanted you on that picnic table. I want you all the time.”

That soothes you a little, enough that your right hand peeks out from your sleeve to play with the hem of his shirt. But your sensitive heart still throbs, tentative and sore. “So, why…?”

“I- Shit. Give me a minute.” Eddie hugs you tight for a second, then shuffles across the floor of the van, practically launching himself out of the back doors with a practised ease that makes you smile despite yourself. You can’t see him from here, but you hear him outside, the passenger door opening and closing behind you. When he returns, he’s got that metal lunch box he carries around with him. A different kind of confusion blooms when he sits next to you and opens it, rummaging through the little plastic bags of illicit substances. He pulls out a wad of rolled bills, a little chunkier than when you’d bought weed from him in the woods that first day.

“Wanna know what this is for?” Eddie asks, looking unusually serious when you glance at him. He opens his mouth then closes it again, eyes fixing on where he is thumbing at the band holding the bills together. “I thought you might ask me, eventually. Hoped you would, at least.” He breathes a laugh, pings the elastic. “So I’ve been saving up, you know?”

“Saving up?”

Eddie nods, turns his wide gaze to you with a tilted head. “Wanted to take you somewhere nice. Buy you dinner, something other than a burger or a pizza slice. Get a room at a hotel, with a big comfy bed. Thought I could show you-” He twitches, eyes flickering away from your face and back again. He swallows, shrugs. “S’like I said. I wanna deserve you.”

Your tense shoulders slump. Your chest aches. “Eddie,” you whisper, shaking your head. Trying again to blink away tears, you grab the roll of dollars from him, throw it back into that dumb obvious lunchbox. You climb up into his lap and wrap your arms around his shoulders. Your wet eyes meet his. “You don’t have to prove anything. You deserve-” Me, whatever you want, everything. Your fingers twitch. You close your eyes tight, ashamed you can’t look at him when you say it. “I think, all the time, about how much I wish I knew you earlier. It’s like, before, I just spent the whole time missing you.” You find it in you to look at him then, gaze at his pretty face; pink, lightly freckled, shiny under his eyes. “I want you, Eddie. I want to be with you wherever you are.”

You stare at each other, listening to the steady rhythm of your breaths until they move in sequence, chests expanding and contracting together. You get that same feeling you got when Eddie held your hand after touching you for the first time, how he listened when you told him about how you blow out of proportion in your head, the way he was angry for you when you recounted how Andy treated you. When Eddie told you that he couldn’t understand you liking him, that people have held him at arm's length for being too much, that he refuses to give up on school, believes wholeheartedly in his dreams. One moment at a time, you are peeling back layers, exposing soft tissue. You are offering each other all your hidden parts, whispering, please look after this with every squeezed hand and kissed cheek. 

Eddie sniffs, wipes his eyes. Seeing his shaky smile, hearing his wet laugh, is better than any soft bed in any hotel.

“That’s good, cause, uh, I really hadn’t saved that much.” You giggle together through lumped throats. “At the rate I was going, you were gonna be waiting till you were forty-five.” You shake your head at him fondly, reaching up to play with the feathers of hair that brush the side of his face. Eddie pulls you in closer, ducks his chin. “But I still can’t take your virginity in the back of my van, sweet thing,” he says. “It just wouldn’t be right. You should be in a bed, at least. And if you’re happy for it to be mine? I’ll just make sure my sheets are washed.”

You rub the soft ends of his hair between your fingers. “That sounds nice.”

“Yeah?” His hand comes to your cheek, helping you look at him. He must be able to feel the warmth of your face in his hand, but you lean into his palm anyway. When Eddie kisses you, it’s a gentle thing, a promise. 

When his tongue peeks out to lick into your mouth, it’s a request you’re happy to fulfil. Eddie groans at the taste of you, the sound of it registering across your whole body. Your hips roll subtly, and you feel the quirk of his lips. 

Eddie sighs into your mouth. “My pretty girl wants me to fuck her in my bed, mm?” 

The increasingly familiar zing of pleasurable shame zips up your spine. The air around you shifts, crackling like the split second of awareness before an electric shock. “Yeah, Eddie.” 

“But you need to be touched right now. So desperate,” he murmurs, the word that had mocked you minutes ago, now a warm tease. “So desperate you wanted to take my cock for the first time right here. In my van, parked by the side of the road.”

You shake your head, because you’re not really at the side of the road. Eddie was right when he said it’s quiet; nobody comes here. You’re about as likely to be found by the quarry as you are in his room. Eddie’s eyes light up with dark amusement, his hand drifting to the back of your neck. The pressure of his fingers there makes your hips twitch, your body recognising the signs, the promise of what’s to come when Eddie’s palm starts holding your head up. 

“No?” He asks, tilting his head, a teasing pout finding his pink lips. “You sayin’ I didn’t hear your right?”

Your toes curl. “No.”

The lines that run from the sides of Eddie’s nose to the corners of his lips deepen. “No, I did hear you right?”

“Eddie,”

“Ahh, yeah,” he breathes, wrapping an arm around your waist to help you lie back. He reaches out for his jacket, still rolled up on the floor, and places it back under your head. “That’s the good stuff.” You open your legs for him, let him settle his body on top of you, feeling the hardening length of him through denim and cotton at the apex of your thighs. Eddie licks his lips, tucks his hair back with a breathy laugh. “Shit. You got me thinking about it, now.”

Eddie sinks his face to your neck, the warm sting of his tongue making the mess between your legs increasingly hard to ignore. His big hand pulls at the hem of your skirt, lifting it up to your tummy. He glances down your body, eyes closing tight at the pale blue cotton cupping your mound, dark and sticky where it’s soaked up your wetness. “Wanna feel your little pussy on my cock so fucking bad. I can’t tell you how-” He cuts off a groan at the first run of his fingers over the wet material. “Christ. How many times I’ve thought about it.” 

You blink at him slowly, mind drifting into the calm of knowing Eddie’s going to make sure you both feel good. Your hips tilt naturally, helping him rub the curve of his finger over your clit through soaked cotton, then wiggling to help him more when his fingers hook into the elastic to pull them down your legs. Once they’re past your sneakers, he holds them in his hand for a second, rubbing his thumb along their centre. When you tilt your hips, pussy barely catching the rough denim over his crotch, his nostrils flare. “Don’t distract me, I’m holding precious cargo.”

He seems to settle on where to put them, draping the cotton over the top of one of the amps rather than letting them touch the floor. You giggle at his careful consideration, and Eddie’s dimples press into flushed cheeks. 

“You thought about it?” Eddie asks, watching your face when his thumb sweeps over your clit, noting the sensitivity before he starts up with tight circles that have you keening. “Thought about me inside you?”

He has to feel the new wetness between your legs that comes with your desperate nod. In truth, you’ve thought about it almost endlessly. You know it can hurt, have heard enough stories of virginity loss from the girls at the cheer table to know that it probably will. But when you imagine being close to Eddie that way, the only thing you can conjure up is the feeling of his fingers inside, how much further you’d have to stretch to take Eddie’s cock, the one that makes your jaw ache. Maybe the prospect should give you pause, but thinking about how Eddie would guide you through it sends excited shivers down your spine.

“Yes, Eddie.”

“You wanna feel my cock now?” He breathes, watching confusion flicker over your blissed face. “Know you like riding your pillow, sweet thing,” he says, your face hot at the memory of telling him how you masturbate. “But I think you might like rubbing up on me a little better.” 

Your clit twitches. You clench inside. Eddie either feels or sees the reaction of your body because he’s humming in excitement the next second, leaning down to kiss you, press his tongue to yours until you’re groaning into his mouth. He looks a little manic when he pulls away, hands scrambling with his belt when he throws himself to the side, lying on his back, ready for you to climb up on him. 

Without thinking, your hands catch his, stopping him from pulling at the loop. You squeeze his palms. “Let me?”

In answer, he moves his hands from his jeans, letting them rest flat across his stomach. You bite your lip, fighting the urge to sit on his thigh and grind against the denim just to get some instant relief. You reach out to the side of his head, grab his jacket and slide it to the back of his head. Eddie tilts his head up, lets you position it just so. You check, “comfy?” and he nods. 

Satisfied, you return to Eddie’s belt. The action of pulling at the leather is excitingly familiar to you now. The button of his jeans comes next, then his zip humming as you pull it down. His boxers are a soft check, the waistband positioned just under the first tufts of dark hair that lead to where Eddie is filling out the material. You think about his hands teasing your clit through your panties, mimicking him by brushing a knuckle over the mound peeking out from his zipper. It’s enough to make Eddie’s eyes squeeze shut, his fingers twitch. 

You hook your fingers into the elastic, start pulling them down. Eddie sighs in relief when his cock meets the air, hard enough to rise from his underwear the second he’s free. You imagine the stretch of him again, and clench down on emptiness. Eddie’s cock is a pretty pink all over. The furled skin at the top is a little shiny, and you know if you grasped his cock and pulled that skin back, his head would be wet with excitement. 

The thought strikes to just lean down and take him in your mouth, surprised to find that that’s already something of a comfort zone for you. But your clit throbs like it’s protesting, so you shuffle on your knees, feeling the sticky spread of your cunt when you open your legs to bracket his hips. You reach down, let yourself stroke Eddie’s cock just to hear the soft noise it draws out from his throat. You rub your thumb over that sensitive spot below his head, press his cock down until his length rests over the hair above it and the bottom of his soft tummy. 

With your free hand, you drift your hand between your legs, letting your fingers drift over your clit. You make a V with your fingers at the top, splitting your cunt open for him and feel a bone deep certainty that Eddie is the only person who could watch you doing this without real shame casting its shadow. 

“C’mon,” Eddie says, getting impatient. “Sit on it, use my cock how you want, just let me feel you.” 

Nodding, body instinctively wanting to follow his direction, you settle yourself on his cock. Eddie groans at the warm slick that surrounds him, hands immediately moving to your hips to help guide you. Your entrance flexes at the base of him, and he tries to pull you straight down like he could find more space between your lips for his girth. “Jesus Chri-”

Eddie’s words cut off with a choke when you glide yourself forward, hearing your wetness spread along his dick. You whine at the feeling, Eddie’s cock stimulating not just your twitchy button but your soft, clenching hole. Shifting back, your legs twitch when his head, exposed as the surrounding skin is pulled back by the clasp of your lips, catches just right against your clit. A few more blissful drags, and you are whining, hands flat against Eddie’s chest, fingers pulling at the softness of his shirt. 

You wiggle your hips, close to hysteria at how good it feels to have Eddie this close. Eddie grins up at you, the pride on his face making you all the more desperate. He looks overwhelmingly pretty like this, hair fanned out across his jacket, lips wet and swollen from his constant licking and your own kisses. His neck, as blushed as his face and his cock, is exposed and tense. His dark eyelashes that flutter every time his head drags over your clit and emerges from between your lips. His eyes, dark in the centre where his pupils have swallowed up mahogany, flicker back and forth between your face and where his cock vanishes and appears again, enveloped and released by the wet split of your pussy.

“You feel me now, mm?” He says, sounding hurried like he’s trying to get it out before his voice is swallowed up by groans. “Haven’t even taken three of my fingers, but you thought you could just lie back and take my cock?” You bounce a little when his head flicks your clit this time, torturing the swollen button with him a little longer. “Couldn’t’ve done it right, not how my desperate girl needs it. Just wanna make you feel good, you know?” 

“Feels good,” you murmur, wiggling your hips to feel his cock flex and shift over all the tender skin where you are most sensitive. “You always feel so good, Eddie.”

“Yeah? That’s it, that’s it.” Eddie’s fingers dig into your hips, no doubt leaving you with marks that will be satisfyingly tender by morning. “Fuck. Fuck, baby, I love you-r pretty voice.” He swallows, eyes now fixed on your pleasured face. “Love when you talk to me.” 

“Eddie, m’gonna-” You start to shake, and his hands grab at your hips, helping you keep moving along him even as the stimulation edges towards painful. 

“That’s it, cum on me. Let me feel it.”

Your body spasms, letting yourself move only with Eddie’s pushing and pulling as the throb of your clit spreads through your body, sends tingles up your spine. You feel your clit numb for a second, know enough now about your own body what that means for the intensity of your orgasm. You sit on that precipice, gasping in air. 

Pleasure bursts, has you shaking and moaning and, unbeknownst to you, repeating, “Eddie, Eddie, Eddie,” while the boy beneath you chases his own high, wanting to finish before you’re too oversensitive to keep your perfect warm pussy on him. 

Bending his knees, he grinds up into you, helping you slide along him. When he pulls your hips just so, and the tip of him barely catches the soft entrance of your cunt, Eddie finally cries out beneath you. The almost violent twitch of his cock between your legs makes you squirm, picturing that happening inside you. Eddie’s cum, thick and white, lands across his stomach in droplets, the last rope clinging to the tip of his cock in a way that, shamefully, makes your mouth water.

Sensitive, twitching, you rise from his body. Your shaking thighs fail you almost immediately, and you fall back on your butt between his open legs, a hand coming to cover your stimulated pussy like it needs protection. Eddie sits up, wipes his own hand across his stomach and draws his cum into his mouth with an ease that might surprise you if you hadn’t seen Eddie casually taste his own cum just about every time he’s orgasmed in front of you. 

This is what you meant, when you told May that being with Eddie is fun. Sex has always been something with disclaimers attached. Something to be enjoyed, but not too much. Something to get lost in, but not enough that you cross the line into acting slutty. It seemed to you like a tightrope nobody had shown you how to walk. 

And then there’s Eddie, who just watched you cum so hard on top of him that you immediately fell on your ass, and he’s grinning at you like he’s never been so proud of anyone in his life. “Now tell me that wasn’t way better than your pillow.” He reaches out for you, and you let him pull you into his arms, rest your head against his chest. You watch, warm in your face, while he tucks his softening cock, still covered in you, back into his boxers. “You feel okay?”

“Yeah,” you nod, tracing the blue lines of lightning on his shirt with your finger. Your thighs twitch again, and you laugh together, soft and breathless. You settle into that post high afterglow, letting yourself be comforted by how surrounded by Eddie you are. His arm around you, his chest under your head. You can hear the way his heartbeat shifts from an intense rhythm to a steady beat under your ear. There’s another sudden uptick just before he speaks.

“I was missing you, too.”

You shift, look up at him from his chest, find him staring at the ceiling. 

“Sometimes my life has felt like being dealt one bad hand after another.” His gaze shifts then, eyes finding yours. “Now, I think, maybe I was saving up for something really good without realising.” 

Eddie Munson; town freak, rumoured Satanist, bad news for sweet girls like you, on the floor of his van, arms wrapped tight around you, says; “You’re a lifetime of good luck, sweetheart.”

And then you know. 

Next Part

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fic #tmyg

[loubouskz]

strange things happen

han jisung x thick!fem!reader

description: tour just ended, and they were going back home. jisung should be happy and excited but can't help but be in his head. when he's told about the backrooms, he didn't really think he'd end up there, nor did he think he would meet a girl too. but then again, the strangest things happen to good people.

genre: strangers to lovers, the backrooms

warning: SMUT!, pov changes a few times, foggy in head space, anxiety fear, mentions of meditation, insomnia(in text but not mentioned), crying, panic attack, passing out, body insecurity, jisung being a sweetheart, somewhat fear of water, yelling, overthinking, kissing, making out, slight marking kink, oral(both receiving), the smallest bit of dirty talk, creampie

wc: 8.8k(somewhat proof-read)

a/n: idk why I wrote this!🤣 I just couldn't shake the thought of it, so I had to write it and now I absolutely love it. I tried my best to explain the levels they were in, basing it off the game: The Complex: Backrooms Found Footage. I think I did okay. tho choosing what skz member to write it for was hard but ended up choosing jisung. anyway, I hope you enjoy this! I would love to hear your guys feedback!❤️❤️

taglist: @hgema @jisunglyricist

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“what? you two honestly don’t believe in that stuff, right?” minho asked, placing his drink down. jisung hadn’t been listening to the conversation and looked around the dinner table. he saw everyone laughing and enjoying dinner while he was off wandering around in his head. the hyung line(besides minho who was sitting next to jisung) were finished eating and up and doing their own thing. while the maknae line were still sat at the table. they had just finished tour and were having a celebratory dinner party with the whole staff and crew.

“you never know what could be real minho.” jeongin said, shrugging his shoulders. jisung scrunched his eyebrows. “what are we talking about?” he asked, looking around the table. “the backrooms.” felix answered, leaning into the table. “what’s that?” he asked, poking around at his food. jisung didn’t really feel hungry, just more tired than anything. all he wanted to do was go to the hotel and sleep. 

“the backrooms are like an urban legend. its were you noclip out of our everyday world filled with people to a liminal space. there’s different areas or levels. the most famous one being this.” felix said, showing jisung a photo. an open room with yellow wallpaper and fluorescent lighting. “there’s been a lot of short films and documentaries to come out recently about it.” jeongin said. “but they’re fake.” seungmin cut in. “we don’t know that.” jeongin said, turning his head to seungmin. “basically you end up there, and you go through the levels to find a way out.” felix said. “that’s creepy.” jisung said as the two boys continued to show and tell him more about the backrooms.

the more felix and jeongin talked about the backrooms, the more fear set in jisung’s head. minho was starting to worry about him. “okay boys! i think that’s enough, let’s go enjoy this party before everyone gets too tired.” minho said, pushing his chair back to stand up. giving the two younger boys a stare, basically to say. shut the fuck up right now. everyone followed minho to the dance floor and processed to have a fun night. dancing the night away.

jisung could feel his body dancing to whatever song was playing. but he kept going back and forth in his head and being present while dancing. his brain had felt foggy for the last few days. even more now since the idea of the backrooms being real. he knows he shouldn’t believe it, but he can’t help it. the idea of being stuck and alone, going in endless loops, trying to find a way out…it scared him.

the party seemed to end quickly. though two hours had passed, it felt like six minutes. everyone cleaned up the areas that were messed up, and in a blink of an eye, jisung was in the van on the way back to the hotel. he doesn’t remember getting in the van and doesn’t even try to either. jisung took a deep breath and looked out the window. seeing the bright lights of the streetlamps and neon signs for the clubs, bushes and trees blurring at the speed. jisung just wanted to sleep. that’s all he needed. it had been a very long day, and he was ready for it to be over.

once in his shared hotel room. jisung took a long hot shower to relax his nerves. though he really didn’t do anything during the shower. he just stood under the water, forehead pressed against the cold wall till the water ran cold. jisung looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth for the night. he felt like he was seeing himself in third-person, and his body felt like a shell. he couldn’t understand why he was feeling like this. he’s been taking his medicine, never missing a day or night. jisung turned off the light and exited the bathroom. he removed his towel and put on a pair of boxers and his pajama pants on. not bothering to put on the matching shirt. 

he climbed into the bed and turned off his side lamp, ready for bed.  “you okay ji?” he heard minho voice ask. jisung turned his head and smiled at minho. “yeah, i’m fine man. just really tired and ready to sleep. can you turn off your light as well?” jisung said to him. minho gave a worried face but did what jisung asked with a nod. “if you need someone to talk and listen to you, you know you can talk to me. right, jisung?” minho asked out in the dark. jisung nodded his head, then remembered the lights were off. “i know. nothing’s wrong. i promise.” he said out loud before yawning. “night minho.” jisung said in a tired voice. “good night, jisung.” minho responded back.

why wasn’t sleep coming to him. jisung laid awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. his arms under his head. his mind and body had felt tired. he wanted to sleep, so why wasn’t it coming to him. he didn’t want to toss around too much, scared that he would wake up minho. the one thing he didn’t want to do was worry him even more. so jisung stayed still and waited for sleep to take him. but it never did, he watched as the sun came up and heard the city become loud and full of life again. he heard minho starting to wake up. jisung turned over and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.

he heard minho get out of bed and walk over to him. shaking him to wake up. “wake up. we have to get to the airport.” minho said. jisung pretended to stir awake and sat up. “what time is it?” jisung asked. “6:43am. now come on and got to get dressed and packed.”

just like last night everything seemed to move fast but slow at the same time. jisung was dressed in his outfit for the day. a white loose fit tee, his black jacket, black baggy pants with his sneakers, dad cap, and face mask. when he blinked and looked up he at the international airport, everybody was ready to go home. he waved to the flashing cameras and stays that were there.

the group made their way through the airport, doing everything they needed to do to get to their gate in time. once they were there, got their tickets scanned and passports looked at. jisung was the last one. when he looked up to continue to board the plane, everyone was so far ahead of him. he doesn’t want to say he freaked out a little, feeling like he was getting left behind even though they were all on the same flight. but that is exactly what he felt. like his flight or fight response kicked in. he secured his carryon and jogged to catch up to the rest of his members, but the more steps he stook, the further they got. “hey chan wait up!” jisung called out to his leader, then he tripped and fell down. 

jisung closed his eyes and waited for the impact of the floor, but it didn’t come. he felt the wind starting to pick up. he opened his eyes and being to panic. this has to be a dream. jisung was free falling in the sky. he couldn’t do anything but scream and cry as the city buildings got closer and closer. he closed his eyes once again, waiting for death to hit him.

then he hit a carpeted floor, but not hard but definitely enough to make a thud sound…like he tripped and fell. jisung pushed himself up onto his knees and saw where he was. just like the picture felix had shown him.

open room, yellow walls, and fluorescent lights. he was in the backrooms.

no no no no this cannot be happening. “i’m dreaming. i must be dreaming.” jisung said as he did everything he could think of to wake himself up. he pinched his arm. hit his leg. slapped his cheek. hell, he even stood up and ran into one of the walls near him and fell down. “ow.” jisung said. falling onto his butt with his head hurting. jisung didn’t know what to do. he busted into tears as he ran. ran and ran. he felt like he was going in circles. everything looked the same! this can’t be real. he stopped and thought for a quick second where he should go. he yanked his face mask off. took a deep breath and continued to run. it doesn’t make any sense of how he could have ended up here. he wanted to be with his members. on the plane. going home. the tears blurring up his vision to the point where he couldn’t see. it felt like everything was closing in around him. he started to sleep black dots. everything went dark.

opening the journal in hand, going back to read what you wrote so you wouldn’t go insane and forget who you are. saying the following words aloud. what your name was. how old you were. your birthday. what year it was. the date it was when you got here. where you are from and currently living at. family, friends, and pets. what you were studying. etc. anything. you didn’t want to risk it even if it wasn’t going to happen. 

once you were done, you placed the journal in the pocket of the hoodie you were wearing. continuing down the nevering-end yellow halls. you don’t know how long you’ve been here, but it felt like years at this point. you don’t know how you end up here either, what this place was, or how to get out. the feeling of someone watching you never going away, even though you knew you were alone.

you turned the corner and physically jumped out of your skin. freezing at that moment. just ahead of you, was a person. a man lying on the ground. he looked to be passed out. you didn’t know whether to go up and shake him to see if he was okay or run. after debating with yourself, you decided to see if he was alive. you slowly walked over to him, taking quiet steps.

once you were right next to him, you squatted down. now seeing his face. you could see he was asian and around your age. his cheeks puffy and red with swollen eyes. you felt a sting to your heart. he must have just shown up here and most likely completely terrified. 

“hey are you okay?” i asked, shaking him on his shoulder. he groaned as he started to wake up. “come on, get up.” i said, shaking him a bit harder. his eyes fluttered open and saw me. i could tell panic set in. he quickly flipped over and scooted away from me. looked around and made a face before looking at me again. “i’m not going to hurt you.” i said. “how do i know that?” he said back. “because we are in the same boat and trying to get out.” i told him. he brought his knees up to his chest. “my name is y/n. what’s yours?” i said. “i’m jisung. han jisung.” he said. “well it’s nice to meet you, jisung.” i said with a smile. “do you know the way out?” he asked.

i stood back up. “no i don’t. sorry. if i did, i wouldn’t be here…where ever i am.” i sighed out, looking around at the yellow walls. “you’ve never heard of this place?” jisung said, looking up at me. “no. have you?” i questioned. he nodded his head slowly before standing up. “just last night, my friends were telling me about this place. it’s called the backrooms.” jisung said, “it’s where you clip out of our everyday world and you’re here.” jisung looked around the room with a scowl. he’s crazy. 

he brought eyes back to me and saw the look on my face. “you don’t believe me..” he said, taking off his cap and running his fingers through his hair. “no. that sounds too insane.” i told him. “there’s this place, a warehouse, a maintenance hall, pool area thing, house, and a lot more.” he said. “i’ve never seen any of those places you’ve mentioned besides this one.” i told him. jisung’s cheeks started to turn red. probably out of embarrassment. i breathed in, “how about we just stick together and find a way out.” i said. he nodded, “good idea.” so we began to walk the eerie room. 

“so…” jisung said, making me turn my head to him. “what do you do? i mean like in our world.” he asked. i smiled, “i’m studying at my dream university while doing part-time at a music shop on the side.” i expressed with happiness. “you?” i directed to him. “oh i’m a k-pop idol. i’m in a group called stray kids. have you heard of us?” he stated. “no sorry.” i said, shaking my head. jisung was telling me about himself and telling stories about his members. which i’ve learned that there is eight of them in total. “we recently just started getting really big these last two and half years. then covid came and we were stuck at home all of 2020.” jisung said. i stopped in my tracks. the fuck? 2020. have i been in here for that long? “my group and i just finished our tour called maniac.” jisung said, turning his head to look at me. when he didn’t see me, he turned around. 

“you okay?” he asked, walking back to me. “2020. it’s 2020?” i exclaimed. he shook his head, “no it’s april 5th 2023.” jisung hesitated to say. he furrowed his eyebrows, “what year did you think it was?” he questioned. “2019. i showed up here on june 9, 2019. i didn’t think i was in here for that long.” i cried out, feeling tears welt up in my eyes. jisung’s eyes widened. “hey hey, don’t cry y/n. we’re gonna get out of here. i promise.” he comforted, placing his arms onto my shoulders. a few tears fell to my cheeks. “none of that.” he said, quickly wiping them away with the knuckle of his pointer finger. “we’re going to get back home. alright?” he said. i nodded and sniffed, “okay.” i told him. jisung gave me a bright smile. “okay then, let’s get a move on.” he said, holding out his hand to take. i placed my hand in his and we continued on our way, trying to find the exit.

turning left and right, going straight. all of it seemed to be the same, the same damn yellow walls with every turn and move. the quiet noise of the fluorescent lights buzzing. 

“i feel like we are going in circles y/n.” jisung said out loud. “i don’t think we are?” i said, more in a question sense. we did another left turn and were met with a dark dead-end. there was a crawl space giving off light. “should we go through it?” jisung asked, squatting down in front of it. i looked at the size of it and looked at my body. 

i was on the thicker size. a tummy, thick thighs and hips, big boobs and butt. i became overly aware of my size. starting to feel small and insecure. “umm, i don’t think i can fit through that.” i quietly told jisung. he looked up at me, eyeing me up and down then back at the crawl space. “i think you’ll get through. plus you won’t know unless you try.” jisung said in a nice tone. “will you try?” he asked. my head came up with a million and one thoughts in one second on why i shouldn’t do it. “as long as you won’t look.” i said, avoiding eye contact. “i can do that.” jisung said while nodding his head.

jisung stood back up and took a few steps back. i walked closer to the crawl space and got on my hands and knees. i looked back at jisung and he had both of his hands covering his eyes and turned to the side. i turned back to the crawl space and started to make my way through. my upper half made it easy, it was a little snug at my hips- but i got through. i stood back up and called out to jisung. 

“i made it!” i said loud and proud. “great!” he said. soon enough, jisung crawled through and was standing next to me. we looked around and the yellow walls were starting to fade into gray metal like material. “i guess this is progress.” i declared, walking ahead. “yeah.” he said, following by my side. as we walked further into the gray walls, we heard a ding. “what was that?” jisung asked. we looked all around us till my eyes landed on an elevator to the right of us, tucked away in a cornered with the doors open.

“jisung there’s an elevator.” i said, making my way over to it. jisung quickly followed. it was a small elevator, but both of us fit with a comfortable distance between us. jisung looked down at the button panel. “well there’s only one direction to go.” he joked. i looked at the panel and sure enough, he was right. we could only go up. “let’s get out of here.” i said, nodding my head. jisung pressed the up button. the elevator doors quickly closed and we started heading up.

“i just thought of something.” jisung said, leaning his back against the wall. “what is it?” i mumbled. “if you’ve been in here since 2019, how are you still alive? there’s no food, no drinkable water. have you even slept?” jisung asked. i looked at him with wide eyes. “i. i honestly don’t know. it doesn’t feel like i’ve been in here that long. maybe a few days or weeks? and i’ve slept, but it was to take a break from walking. not because my energy was low and i needed sleep.” i replied, trying to understand it myself. “wow.” jisung said in pure awe. “i hope you’re not here for as long as i’ve been.” i added, just as the doors opened up. “i hope so too, but then again. i think we are going to get out of here. a lot sooner.” he said with a smile as he exited the elevator.

i followed behind him and to my surprise. we were in a completely different place. the walls were now white tiles, our shoes echoing throughout the hall. soon we came out to an open room with water. “this was the pool area i was talking about!” jisung exclaimed, giving me another one of those big smiles. i felt butterflies dance around in my stomach. god, does he have a killer smile. wait no, don’t think like that y/n. just because this is the person, especially male. does not mean you can form a crush on him.

jisung walked over to the railing and looked down to the right. i came up beside him and looked the same way. he turned his head to me. “do you believe me now.” he said, more in a statement. i could only nod my head. he pushed off the railing and walked behind me. “someone was here.” jisung said. i turned around and looked to see what he saw. there was a blanket on the floor. “so we’re not alone?” i asked. “either we’re not or that person already got out.” jisung said, “but if they are still here, let’s hope they’re as nice as you.” he added, turning around to face to water again.

“i think we are going to have to walk through the water.” jisung stated, going to the steps into the water. i slowly walked over to the steps and watched as he got in. “does it get deeper?” i asked. jisung brought his eyes to mine. “can’t swim?” he asked. “i can doggy paddle, but that’s about it.” i said. jisung rose his hand from his side. “don’t worry.” he said. i made my way down the steps and put my hand his. his hand was so soft and warm. i looked up at him. “i won’t let you go.” jisung promised.

the water covered the bottom half of our legs. deep enough to slush the water around but shallow enough to walk in. as we made our way through the water, there was an opening on the right but there was also another crawl space. jisung turned to me and i shook my head. “not that one.” i pleaded. “we don’t have to.” jisung responded, squeezing my hand. so we took the right hall, which was a little dark considering there was no light other than the sunlight at the end…if you could even call it that. whatever it was.

we slowly made our way to the end of the hall where there was a big circular column and a set of curvy steps out of the water. we quickly started up the stairs to get out of the water, jisung letting me go first. once i reached the top, there was another elevator. “if the rest of this easy to get out of, we’ll be home in no time.” i said, looking back at jisung. jisung looked back down at me and smiled. i glanced down at his lips and back up at his eyes, seeing he did the same thing. “yeah.” he whispered, a ding from the elevator made us jump.

jisung cleared his throat and guided out his hand to let me enter the elevator first. once we were both inside, i pushed the up button this time and watched as the doors closed once again. there was a bit of awkward silence. “tell me more about yourself, y/n. about things you want to do and achieve in life.” jisung said, looking down at his feet. i thought about it for a second and then told him a mini version of my life story and my goals and dreams.

jisung was laughing his butt off by the time the elevator doors opened, making me giggle. we looked out the doors and saw a mall, our laughter dropping at the slight of it. we stepped out and carefully eyed our surroundings. there was an empty fountain, newspaper and random magazines scattered around the floor, dark and quiet like every place has been.  just our shoes making the most noise. we made our way forward, jisung noticing a map hung on the wall.

“do you can this will help us?” jisung asked. “i don’t know.” i said, trying to read the map. “i can’t tell what it says.” i added, looking at jisung. “me neither.” he sighed out. we walked around, not really finding anything. just more dark, dimly lit halls and rooms and rarely stuff in them. besides a chair or two.

we entered the last hall, leading us to something different. “at least we can kinda tell where we are. better than the yellow room.” jisung said, making me smile, “yeah, you’re right about that.” i replied. then my eyes caught a glimpse at something ahead of us. “is that a red light?” i asked, picking up my pace a little. that’s new. we looked at the little hall where the red light was coming from, but it lead no where.

so we just continued walking forward. making turns left and right whenever we felt like it, unless it lead us to a dead-end. to help pass the time we came up with jokes and telling embarrassing stories. 

it was easy talking jisung, even if i had just met him. it felt like we had been friends for awhile. for once and surprisingly, i was happy i was stuck in here and that this happened to me. because i would have never been able to meet han jisung and get to know him for him. as terrible as it is. having someone with me, him with him, made me feel a lot better. 

“hey y/n!” jisung shouted, “come here, i think i found the way to the elevator!” i quickly turned around and followed jisung down a narrow hall with random turns. it opened up to a small cafeteria thing with the elevator on the left wall to the back. 

“we are making so much progress!” jisung said happily and ran over to the elevator. bouncing up and down like a little kid. i laughed as i made my way over to him and stood next to him. “how many levels are there?” i asked him as the elevator dinged. “i don’t know, but hopefully not too many.” he said as we stepped in the elevator for the third time. 

the doors opened up to a hotel with chairs thrown everywhere, lit up by the wall sconces. “well this level it a bit more creepy.” i stated out loud. we left the elevator and went to the right. “it says there’s a dining hall, maybe there’s food there.” jisung said. “are you actually hungry?” i questioned. “no, but it would be nice to eat something right now.” jisung said with a smile. soon enough, we came into the dining hall. 

“shit there’s nothing in here.” jisung whined. i walked over to the crawl space and looked in. “no where to go in there.” i said, turning back around. “dead-end?” jisung sighed. “dead-end.” i said back to him. he groaned as we pushed our way back the way we came to go down a different hall. we came across a small gap in the wall. jisung looked at me. “should we try it?” he asked. “sure why not. we have all the time in the world.” i answered with laugh. 

jisung fit like it was nothing. for me, it was a bit of a squeeze, but bearable. it was just another long hall, just very small and dim. eventually, it opened back up and the elevator was right in front of us and already open. “luck seems to be on our side, we’re going to get home in no time!” jisung said as we entered the elevator.

the doors closed and we only went up for a few seconds then stopped. there was a tap on the door. we both looked at each other. two more taps, jisung stood in front of me in case there was actual someone there. four more taps against the door before the finally opened up. chairs were blocking the exit the leave, the room completely red. we couldn’t get out.

“are we suppose to get out?” i asked, jisung slowly shock his head. he quickly pressed the button to go up so the doors could close again. slowly but sure the doors closed and we started going up again. jisung spun around to face me. “i feel like we are getting closer to go home.” he said with a smile. the doors opened back up and saw the yellow wallpaper. “why the hell are we back here?” i said, pushing past jisung. yellow walls, carpeted floors, fluorescent lights. I turned back to jisung to had a defeated look on his face. i felt my eyes starting to burn. “you’re a fucking liar. i knew i shouldn’t have trust you.” i felt my voice cracking in the sentence. jisung jumped at the sound of my hurt voice. “y/n.” he said, stepping towards me. i back up and shook my head. “no.” i said, before turning around. i walked over to a wall and sled down. crying and feeling hopeless. 

“there’s no way this is the same.” i heard jisung say. he heard him jogging around, i couldn’t even bring myself to look up to see where he was going. i’m such an idiot for thinking i could get out of this place. there’s no way out, just endless loops of different rooms all feeling the same way. hell it’s been five years since i got here. everyone probably thinks i’m dead by now. my family, my friends, my two roommates, everyone who knew me. thinks i’m dead. what’s the point of trying to get out of here when they think i’m dead and gone.

i felt a pair of hands grab my cheeks and push my face up. i saw jisung’s face with tears and a light smile. “it’s not the same y/n.” jisung said, he grabbed my hands and pulled me up. “come on, all we have to do is follow the beeping.” he said, dragging me along with him at a fast pace. we turned a couple a corners and i was first it wasn’t the same. just the color of the room. instead of there just being rooms entering rooms, there were also columns now and more space going up. i hardly had time to process what was happening, jisung just kept pulling me with him. stopping every now and then to listen. 

“what are you liste-” jisung shushed me. then i heard the beep he had been following. “it’s this way.” he said, making a left turn, then a right. the beeping continued to get louder and louder as we got closer. we turned around corner and was greeted into a big room with the elevator. the next part happened so quickly. jisung turned around, placed his hands on my cheeks again and gave my a hard kiss with passion. i yelped as i wasn’t expecting that to happen. i recovered fast and kissed him back, placing my hands on his chest which made jisung smile into the kiss. he pulled away, leaving his forehead on mine.

“we’re going home like i promised.” he said just above a whisper. i looked into his soft brown eyes. “i’m sorry i yelled at you.” i apologized. he shook his head, “no i understand, you want to get back home as much i as i do and when you saw the yellow walls again you felt lied to. i understand, i would have felt the same way.” he told me. jisung removed his hands from my cheeks and down my arms. grasping my left hand with his right. “let’s keep going.” he said, to which i nodded to.

we entered the elevator once again, pressing the up button. the door closed once more, the elevator moving up once again. jisung squeezed my hand, making me turn to him. he leaned in for another kiss which i gladly accepted. it started out as a sweet innocent kiss but became more heated. jisung pushed me against the wall, pressing his body to mine. making me moan into the kiss. with that small opening, jisung slid his tongue into my mouth. exploring every nook and cranny. he tasted like a muted minty flavor. i ran my hands up his body and to the back of his neck, playing with the hair poking out of the cap. jisung groaned into the kiss, rolling his hips into mine. i whined, pushing my hips to his. feeling his erection growing by the second.

“god, i want to fuck you so bad.” jisung said, once he pulled his lips away. my body feeling tingly, goosebumps forming on my skin. i shivered at his words. i went to respond but the elevator dinged and the doors opened back up. “if we can find a not so creepy area, i’ll let you fuck me.” i said to him, looking dead in the eyes. he groaned and gave me another sloppy kiss.

he interlaced our fingers and pulled me out of the elevator. we only made it a few steps before stopping, realizing how dark it was. we could hardly see each other. we continued walking but very slowly, not knowing what was ahead.

just a few more steps forward, a loud snap echoed in the room we were in accompanied with red lights shining the area. we were in the middle of a street with few houses following the side. at the end of the road was a tunnel with the elevator in the center of the tunnel. i looked around at the lights. the redness gave the feeling a not welcoming feeling, like more eyes were on us then the last time. we listened and watched out for any nobody that could be here, but there was no one. not even in the houses. we continued to the tunnel and made our way inside the elevator.

the doors opened to a clean white wall with oak wood floors. nothing on the floor, but a blanket up ahead in front of a window. jisung bent down to it and felt it as i looked out the window. “it’s completely cold, whoever was here hasn’t been here for awhile.” jisung explained. “i think we’re in an apartment complex.” i said. i remember that being one of the places jisung said we could turn up at. jisung stood up and looked at the window as well. just looking at it gave me an uneasy feeling. it was dark ‘outside’, only light coming from all the windows and maybe one of two lamps. jisung turned to me, “let’s keep going.” he said, nodding his way down the hall.

turn after turn we were just greeted by more dead-ends. coming back out of one of the last halls. before we could even make it fully, we stopped in our tracks. there right in front of us was a an opening. like the building had been cut in half. 

we got closer to it. “that would be a long fall.” jisung said as he looked down. i nodded my head. “yeah it would be.” i said. jisung looked at the other opening his could see. “do you think i could make that jump?” he questioned. my eyes widened. “please do not try to make that big ass gap han jisung.” i raised my voice at him. he turned to me, wide eyed. “yes ma’am.” he said giving me a smirk.

we headed back to where the original hall connected to the hall we were just in and the elevator door was right in front of us. like it just appeared out of no where. “well that’s new.” i said as we walked up to it. “yeah, let’s hope that doesn’t happen again.” jisung laughed out as we got in. “on the next stop do you think we can sit down and take a breather?” i asked him. “yeah sure. i don’t mind taking a break at all.” he answered back. 

the doors opened up again to flat land and a singular house. we seated out, taking in our surroundings. it was like we were on a small planet, you could see a slight curve where it circled down and around. the sky was painted in a dusk night with the sun already gone and the stars starting to pop up.

“you picked a good one, y/n.” jisung pointed out as we made our way to the house. the front door was open and a room directly the right of us. a chair and a blanket on the floor. we walked a little further into the house and right there in the corner to the left was the elevator. in front of it on the other wall was a door but it was closed. jisung grabbed the door handle and twisted the knob.

“it’s locked.” he said. “did you still want to rest or did you want to just go since the elevator is right here?” he added. as much as i wanted to go, i couldn’t stand the feeling in the pit of my stomach anymore. i wanted him. right here and now. i walked up to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. i leaned my face close to his, lips barely touching. “did you forget what i told you earlier?” i asked, never breaking eye contact. i could feel his hot breath on my lips. “no.” he said, stealing a look at my lips. 

i leaned in and crashed my lips onto his, him groaning in the process. jisung’s hands went for my hips before dragging them down and to my ass. giving it a hard squeeze. i moaned into the kiss, right before pulling away with jisung chasing after my lips. i giggled and grabbed his forearm, pulling him the first open room we saw. i pressed him against the nearest wall, connecting my lips to his neck. i pushed off his jacket as i left marks on his body. i bit his collarbone, getting my hand under his shirt and pushing it up. jisung quickly threw his cap off and slid his shirt off his body. i kissed down his chest and got on my knees. unbuttoning his pants and unzipping them. i pushed them down his thighs along with his underwear. 

his cock was already halfway hard. i spat on my hand and gripped him. jisung moaned, throwing his head back onto the wall. i ran my hand up and down, my mouth watering at the sight of him. i placed the tip of his cock on my tongue and licked up the bead of pre-cum coming out. jisung looked down at me and brought his hand on the top of my head. i opened my mouth and shoved him in. taking as much as i could. 

“oh fuck y/n.” jisung said as his body tensed up from the feeling of my warm mouth. i bobbed my head back and forth, loving how heavy he felt on my tongue. i moaned around his cock. i moved my hand to his balls and played with them. jisung thrusted his hips forward, making me gag.

“sorry.” he said, pulling his cock out of my mouth. he placed his hand under my chin and tilted my head up. “you aright?” he asked with worried eyes. i nodded my head and smiled. “yeah i’m okay.” i said. “good.” he stated as he got on the floor then kicked off his shoes and pants. jisung grabbed his clothes and laid them behind me. he gently pressed me back to make me lay down.

jisung climbed over me and kissed me as he ran his hands up my body and under my shirt. i froze and grabbed his wrists, making him freeze. “you wanna leave it on?” he asked when he pulled away. “just my shirt, everything else can come off.” i shyly told jisung. “that’s fine.” jisung said with a smile. jisung sat up, running his hands down my body to my sweats. “just so you know, i think you look beautiful.” he said, admiring every curve and roll on my body. i blushed at his statement. he pulled down my sweats and off my legs, taking my shoes off too.

jisung groaned at sight of my underwear, seeing a dark patch on the material. he made eyed contact with me as he laid down. coming face to face with my cunt. jisung placed a kissed right on top of my clit then gave a bold lick, sending shock waves though my body. he hooked his finger around my underwear and pushed it to the side.

he immediately dived in and started eating me out. i threw my head back as i ached my back. my hand found his hair and tugged at it hard. the sounds of his groans vibrated my body. i whined as he pushed his tongue inside my wet hole. I clamped my thick thighs around his head.

“god, you taste so good.” jisung said, spitting on my mound. he ran his finger up my slit before pushing it in. “gotta stretch you out for my cock baby.” he said in a gravely voice, setting up a decent speed. “want you to cum all over my hand.” he said before diving back in. his tongue playing my clit again. “oh jisung!” i yelled out. my breathing picked up as his added a finger, making me clench around him. “curl your fingers up.” i whined out. jisung did exactly what i told him to do. finding my g-spot quickly. i ached my back and angled my hips even more as i felt my orgasm getting closer. making me curl my toes and my legs start to shake.

“harder.” i pleaded, needing more pressure to help me release. jisung pounded fingers hard into me with every pullback curling them up. his tongue danced around my clit as my legs started to shake. “oh fuck, i’m gonna cum!” i moaned loudly. he wrapped his lips around my clit and hummed, which sent me head first into my climax- nearly screaming jisung’s name from my lips. he slowly removed his fingers. patting my clit a few times, making me jolt.

“i love how you scream my name.” he said, sitting back onto his knees. “want more.” i said, spreading my legs out. “i want you inside me, please.” i whined. “fuck, i love that even more.” he said, scooting up so he could line his cock up with my opening. slowly pushing in as he rubbed my sensitive clit. i closed my eyes, running my hands above my shirt. gripping at my boobs. we both moaned as he bottomed out. jisung steaded himself before placing his arms under the back on my knees, holding my legs. he slowly pulled out halfway and slammed back in. 

“fuck.” i whispered. jisung’s eyes never left my body as he began to keep up the pace. watching every closely at my body and how it was jiggle and moving with each thrust. “shit, i’m not gonna last long.” he whined out, gripping my legs hard. i clenched around him at how whiny he sounded. just the sound of our skin hitting the walls of the room and loud moans from the both of us. jisung let go of my legs and laid on top of my body. his hot chest moving against my hoodie, making it come up a little. placing his hands neither side of my head. his hot breath fanning my face.

“you look so good under me. don’t wanna stop fucking this tight little cunt.” jisung said, punching a hard thrust. i wrapped my legs around his waist and arm around his back, burying my head into the crease of his neck. from this angle the pubic bone grazed my clit perfectly. i moaned feeling my second orgasm coming up fast. “gonna cum.” i whispered as i dug my nails into his back from the pleasure. jisung’s thrusts became sloppy and more rough. “me too, where should i cum?” he moaned. “inside. cum inside me, i wanna feel how much you fill me up.” i cried out, he shivered. he wrapped his right arm around the back of my shoulders, pulling my upper half even closer.

“cum with me baby.” he whined, sending a handful of hard thrusts with him pulling almost completely out, only leaving the tip in. slamming his cock deep inside one more time, shooting his hot seed around my walls. triggering my own climax, clenching around him harder than before. he rutted against me, my body feeling like pulp. i slowly released him from my grip, jisung helping me lay down my upper half. 

he sat up and grabbed his soften cock, easing it out of my sensitive hole. both hissing at the feeling. i closed my legs as jisung laid next to me so we could actual catch our breath. i looked over at jisung who was already looking at me. we broke out into smiles and laughter. he rolled over placing his arm loosely around my waist.

“when we get out of here, i wanna take you out of a date.” jisung said with a big bright smile. i felt my eyes widen and cheeks become red. “really?” i asked, making him nodded. “are you sure you want to be seen with a girl like me?” i questioned, glancing down at my bigger body. “i don’t care about that. just the type of person you are and from what i’ve learned so far. you seem like a great woman that i want to get to know more.” he said, making me blush even harder. i smiled at him then had a thought.

“what if when we get out of here we’re not together.” i said. jisung took a deep breath and placed his hand to my cheek. “then i’ll find you.” he said quietly before leaving a gentle kiss on my lips. jisung pulled away and laid back down. “come here.” he sai, opening his arms. i smiled and cuddled into him, laying my head on his chest. 

after a few minutes of cuddling, we got up and put back on our clothes. we were standing in front of the elevator. jisung turned his head to me. “ready?” he asked. “ready as i’ll ever be.” i answered back. we hopped in and watched as the doors closed. “where do you think we’ll go next?” i asked him. “well from what i remember my members telling me. we could end up in a long straight hall and a warehouse. other then those two, i don’t know.” jisung said.

the doors opened up but we weren’t completely on the level we need to be on. jisung and i looked at each other with questioning looks on our faces. jisung looked out to see what the level was. then the elevator cart jolted down a bit. jisung stumbled back into me. i grabbed ahold of his sides as we both looked at the doors. then the cart started falling, making loud screeching noises and lights going off.

“jisung!” i shouted. fear filling my body, heart pounding in my chest. jisung grabbed ahold of my arms and tried his best to face me. “grab onto my forearms y/n!” he yelled over the loud sound. i did what he said and held on tightly. “we’re going be okay!” i heard jisung said. i didn’t know what to do but scream as tears ran down my face. i tried to take a step to jisung but my body didn’t move. that’s when i realized had i closed my eyes.

i snapped my eyes open and saw that we were no longer in the elevator. i screamed out jisung’s name as i panicked. jisung opened his eyes and saw what was happening. i felt my grip of my left hand loosening and sliding down jisung’s arm. “don’t let go!” jisung screamed. “i’m trying!” i cried out as the wind started blowing faster and faster. then the wind hit us from the side, making us spin. both my hands were now at his wrists. jisung digging his fingertips into my skin.

i kept slipping from his grasp, hands to hands. jisung was using all his strength to pull me towards him the wind kept picking up. i looked at him with teary eyes the best i could. “you’ll find me!” i called out. “i promise!” jisung yelled back with tears in his eyes as well. the wind hit us once more from the other direction, making us spin hard.

that time, i lost the grip on jisung. “jisung!” i screamed. “y/n!” he screamed back but he sounded so far away. i kept spinning as the wind took me where it wanted. once i’d stopped spinning i realized i was headed straight to the ground in an alley. nonono. i closed my eyes, not wanting to see the ground getting closer. i landed on a big pile of trash bags, tumbling down them onto the concrete. landing on my side. 

“ow.” i said, looking around me and it was dark. that’s when i heard it. a car. people. a town. i shot up and looked in front of me, just to see a car pass by. “holy shit. i’m back.” i whispered. i got up from the ground and made my way out of the alley. i looked both ways before deciding to go right. i went into the nearest store and asked where i was. i’m home.

i sat in the police station waiting for my family and roommates to arrive. jisung was right about it being 2023. everything. i wouldn’t have made it back here if it weren’t for him. thank you han jisung. i can’t wait to see what you've told me about you and your group.

“y/n!” i heard my best friend called out. i looked up to see them all entering the station. “oh my god!” i said under my breath as i got up and ran to them. i hugged everyone so hard with them asking a million and one questions but being grateful that i was back and safe. “let’s go home first. what i’m going to tell you is crazy.” i told them.

later that night, in my soft bed. in my bedroom. i looked up han jisung and stray kids. jisung described them perfectly. treated each other like brothers. i listened to their music as i fell asleep.

jisung hit the trash bags, landing straight on his back. he groaned in pain of the sun as he removed himself from the stink. he looked around a saw he was in an alley. walking to the end where the street was, he saw that he was back in korea. just outside of jyp entertainment. i’m back! he ran inside the building greeting everyone who had shocked looks on their faces. but he couldn’t care less. he wanted to see is members. he ran to the elevator then stopped, turning around and heading to the stairs. he pushed himself through so many flights of stairs. he opened the hall door and ran down to the practice room, hoping his brothers would be in there. passing all his peers, like members of twice and itzy. 

he nearly broke down the door when he opened it. making everyone inside jump and look. the boys had stopped what they were doing and quickly ran to jisung, hugging him tightly.

“are you okay!”

“you’ve been gone for a full week!”

“what happened to you!”

“did someone kidnap you!”

“we were so scared!”

“one second we were behind us, next you were gone!”

“where have you been!”

jisung just cried being home again. “you’re not going to believe me when i tell you.” he said. explaining the full story, leaving out the sex part. felix and jeongin’s eyes were about to pop out of their head. “jisung, don’t lie.” minho said, rolling his eyes. felix shook his head. “how would he know about the the falling out of the sky! we never told him that.” felix explained. “or elevator failing when you come back!” jeongin added. “if you really did show us the girl.” seungmin said. “i need my phone then.” jisung said. chan quickly got up and ran over to a table, grabbing jisung’s phone.

once in his hands, he unlocked his phone and went straight to instagram. he typed in her fist and last name and she was the second account to pop up. jisung tapped on her icon and went to her profile. he clicked the first photo and noticed that it was posted just a few minutes ago. i scrolled down and looked at the date of the last photo. june 1st, 2019 was her last post. 

jisung showed the boys the proof with the photos, old comments, the article from when she first went missing, where she lives in the world, and even read the caption on her newest photo.

‘i’m back home! i won’t explain to here because it will most likely be on the news. but i can’t help but so grateful to the person i met who helped get me out. thank you so much h.j. i hope that you’re back home and safe as well and hope that we’ll meet again soon.’

after that, the boys believe him. they spent hours talking, completely forgetting about practice. just wanted to be with jisung with the rest of the day. we went out and had dinner. everyone went back to 3racha+hyunjin’s apartment, played games, and watched a movie or two. before finally calling it a night.

jisung laid in bed, staring at his phone. instagram was open once again, but this time he was trying to figure out what to type to y/n. fuck it he siad in his head.

hey, it was easy to find you. we still on for our date?

a few minutes passed before he saw someone typing…

date, time, and where.

#skz #stray kids #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #skz smut #stray kids smut #skz x you #skz x y/n #skz x stay #skz x reader #han jisung smut #han jisung x reader #han jisung imagines #han jisung #han jisung x y/n #han jisung x you #han jisung x stay #skz x thick reader #stray kids x thick reader #han jisung x thick reader

[rootbeerworshiper]

Normal (part 8)

pairing: fem!character + matt sturniolo

summery: Abigail and Matt have been best friends for years and practically grew up together. the two hiding their feelings for one another, until one stupid drunken dare changes things.

warnings: nothing other than tooth rotting fluff and swearing as always

i’m so obsessed with this story you guys

love, sienna <3

i need fresh air, i need to breathe.

it’s dark in the room i’m sharing with Nick, but i try my best to get out of bed quietly and begin to make my way to the door, walking slowly to avoid Nick waking up.

i just need to be alone right now with my thoughts and i’m too overwhelmed to stay quiet next to the sleeping boy.

once i close the door behind myself i walk towards the back door, almost in a hurry, desperate to feel at peace.

i slide the door open just to see the clear sky with an abundance of stars scattered throughout.

the backyard is actually nice, although we don’t spend much time in it. it has an underground pool that connects to a hot tub with a leather patch of grass and a patio area. i take it upon myself to sit in the grass and run my hands through the blades, trying desperately to slow my breathing.

i’ve never felt so lost.

i’m without the one thing that brings me balance and it’s driving me insane.

i lay my back onto the cold grass and place my hands on my stomach, looking at the sky and i try to think positive.

my attempts of positivity fail though, and yet another tear streams down my cheek as i reminisce on how life was a few years ago. i’d do anything to go back.

at this point i’m completely lost in my overwhelming thoughts, they flood my brain and somehow drown out the sound of the back door being opened.

i don’t even notice anyone has joined me until i look to the right and see him.

laying next to me, hands feeling the grass now and his knees propped up by his uggs. his hair is messy, not in a bad way of course, but it doesn’t look like he’s been resting.

i wipe my tear immediately when i realize the boy i’m crying about is looking right at me.

i cant read his face. hits of concern, but also a sense of anxiety riddled throughout, as if him and i are both overthinking.

i go to sit up. “sorry i just needed fresh air i’ll-“ he grabs my hand and motions for me to lay back down, still not saying a word.

i lay my back back down, looking to him as he averts his attention to the sky. “you’re a libra right?” i just nod, completely speechless at this new demeanour of his. “i think i can see it in the sky, or wait is that virgo? i get confused”

i smile. “it’s libra you’re right. libra has the triangle shape and virgo doesn’t so that’s how i remember”

“right you told me that in grade 7 and i still forgot” he continues to blissfully look at the sky, and i can’t help but look at him, i could not be more confused.

i begin to shift uncomfortably, biting my lip as i always do when i’m uncomfortable, also what i do when i’m trying to suppress emotions. i look back to the sky and my teeth sink into my bottom lip.

next thing i feel is Matt’s hand grabbing mine, softly, intimately. he just rubs circles on the back of my hand and i stop biting my lip.

i’m still not sure what he’s doing, i can’t tell where his heads at in the slightest.

“Matt?” i look at the boy and eventually his eyes meet mine, our faces a few inches apart. i sigh. i guess this is it.

“i need to tell you something that’s been eating me alive, but i don’t want us to stop being friends, i need us to be okay after i say this” he furrows his eyebrows

“Abi there is nothing you could say that would make me want you out of my life. nothing okay?” he squeezes me hand reassuringly.

i nod. although still not entirely convinced he’s telling the truth. “i need you to let me say what i need to say and i need you to listen okay?” he just nods. okay.

i literally feel sick. like the pit in my stomach has over taken me and i’m just a hole of a human.

i wish things were different i wish things were never messed up i wish-

“Bee?” right. i look to the sky before i begin speaking.

“i’ve been uh really confused recently because- no that’s not right uh” i stumble over my words. why the fuck can’t i say what i’m thinking? “you know how i sophomore year we- no that’s not it either sorry”

fuck this is impossible. “sorry i don’t know if i can do this i thought i was ready i just can’t put my thoughts into words”

“take your time. i’ll wait for you” he says simply, a stand of hair falling over his face. god he’s cute.

“i think- no. i know that i like you. and before you reject me i just need to get this off my chest” i can see he’s surprised but if i stop now the words will never come out.

“since you kissed me in sophomore year i haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. and i tried distracting myself with other guys but they never filled the void and i didn’t know why. i wanted so desperately to stop thinking about you like that and i’ve felt so guilty for seeing you in that way and not telling you but i wasn’t sure how. and then i gave you the hickey and i realized that i may never get over you, because it felt so right you know? and uh then the whole hot tub thing which i get if you regret but uh your just the only guy that’s ever made me feel that way and part of me is scared that your the only one who ever can. i’ve tried so hard to stop liking you but every thing you do just makes me more and more attracted to you and it’s out of my control. i’m sorry uh if you don’t feel the same or whatever i just don’t wanna stop being friends it’s just that-“

“Abigail.” he looks directly at me. still holding my hand.

“fuck Matt you can’t look at me like that it’s not fair” i sigh and he just smiles. “don’t laugh at me i’m vulnerable right now” i slap his arm and he just laughs.

“can i kiss you?”

my breathing stops and i sit up to get a better look at him “what?”

he sits up too, now facing me as we sit together in some random patch of grass. “i could give you my whole long story about how much i like you or i could just kiss you” he says as if it’s the most casual thing in the world.

it takes me a moment to process his very clear words. “okay”

he furrows his eyebrows. “okay as in you want to kiss me or?”

i roll my eyes and smile, without saying another word i lean in.

this kiss is different than the last few we’ve shared. it’s soft and careful, it’s nice.

his hands cup my face and i smile onto his lips as my hands make their way to his hair.

we pull away slowly, as if the last thing we want to do is leave each other but we do need to breathe, and so our foreheads are now pressed on one another’s smiling faces.

this is until more worry sets in. i do know he likes me back, but that’s the extent of it. “i think i am gonna need the long story now, i’m curious” i smile, my face moving further away from his so i can fully look at him.

he just sighs, although it’s dark i can still see the tint of pink that’s made it’s way to his cheeks. something id like to see more often.

“is it too cheesy if i say it started when i first saw you?” i cringe, even though it is adorable.

“it is but that’s okay” we lay back down, my head now on his shoulder and our hands holding each others as we look at the stars.

“okay well yeah i saw you in 4th grade and i thought to myself ‘wow she’s so pretty i should go sit with her’ and then when i found out you were listening to black eyed peas that was it for me” he dramatically grabs his heart. “i used to get mad at Chris and Nick all the time because i was so scared you’d like them and not me so any chance i had to sit next to you i took, i even attempted to learn all the constellations but as you know i’m still shit”

i just smile and nudge my head impossibly closer to him. this doesn’t feel real.

“then i kissed you in sophomore year and it’s all i could think about, like it clouded my every thought. i tried my best to get over you after seeing you kiss another guy but it didn’t work. it’s also why i got Chris to invite those random influencer girls to that party, i needed to distract myself from you. anyways and then you gave me that hickey and i didn’t know what to do. part of me wanted to be bold and make a move but i knew that you were drunk and probably just gave it to me because we were already close so i didn’t, but i also couldn’t sit there because i couldn’t breathe having you next to me after that so i went to think in my room.”

he rambles but i’m okay with it, i love listening to him talk as he rubs circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “i don’t know how relevant that all is but yeah. and the thing in the hot tub literally made me insane. i couldn’t stop thinking about it, you are just perfect. in every way possible. and i just spent so much of my life hoping you’d feel the same about me. god i really am cheesy Chris is right” he rolls his eyes.

“that’s okay i like it” i smile. “i can’t believe that went on for so long, it took us forever to tell each other, jesus”

he nods “it was definitely painful but i’m glad it’s over. i wasn’t sure i could go without kissing you again” he says as he kisses my forehead.

“so i like you and you like me and we both want to continue kissing each other…” i egg on waiting for him to say what i desperately need to hear.

he pulls back slightly so that he’s making eye contact with me again. “i wasn’t expecting to ask you out while laying in grass but somehow it’s fitting”

he laughs. “Bee will you be my girlfriend?”

i feel like i’m in sophomore year all over again by the way my stomach flutters at the nickname. “yes Matty i’d love to” i kiss him again. i’m addicted to it.

this kiss is fuelled with more passion as his tongue slips into my mouth. his lips are so soft and they fit mine perfectly, like a puzzle piece that was just missing under the couch for a decade.

we sit in the grass for another hour, as close as we can possibly be, telling each other all the things we haven’t been able to before.

i have my best friend back. and now i can kiss him as much as i want.

unfortunately though, we do have to go back inside, and inevitably part ways.

it’s silly to be upset at, we’ll see each other tomorrow and every day after that, but now that we have the opportunity to do all the things we’ve waited to do for years it’s hard to want to stop.

we make our way inside, trying our best to contain our laughter. “matt shut the fuck up i swear to god i’ll tape your mouth shut” i whisper yell, slowly opening the patio door.

“come here” he averts my attention back to him, grabbing my hands in his as i look up at him.

“matt we need to go to sleep it’s five in the morning” i say, still holding his hands but trying my best to remain quiet.

“what if i just wanna kiss my girlfriend?” he asks, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, and then the neck, and then my forehead. i could melt, but once again we need to go to bed.

i pull away, a smile still plastered on my face. “okay pretty boy enough you can resume tomorrow”

he frowns dramatically but i ignore it and continue to make my way back inside. the two of us practically tip toeing until we made it to the hallway that separates our rooms.

i lean in to him to whisper in his ear “goodnight Matt”

he wraps his arms around my waist and leans his head down to whisper back. “goodnight Abi”

and just like that we separate, back to our respective rooms even though we’d much rather be together.

i feel so incredibly giddy as i step in, my cheeks hurting from how much i’ve been smiling.

if Nick weren’t asleep directly in front of me i’d jump up and down, but for obvious reasons i don’t.

instead making my way into bed with the same stupid smile on my face.

i’d really like for this to become the new normal.

a/n: AHHHH kicking my feet and giggling omg i didn’t know i was capable of that but uh! enjoy!

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo headcannons #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt girl #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets fan fiction #sturniolo fanfic

[munsonsreputation]

I THINK THERES BEEN A GLITCH

CHAPTER THREE: SITUATION-SHIP

↢ chapter two | series masterlist | chapter four ↣

steve harrington x fem!baker + artist

word count: [9.5K]

warnings: no use of y/n, talks / mentions of self deprecation, mental spiral (overwhelming thoughts and anxiety), steve being an overthinking mess, overall fluffiness bcs we all need it rn.

summary: when Robin calls you with an impromptu invite to Hawkins you can't turn it down especially when you've been dying for an excuse to see Steve again. but it all comes to a daunting turn as Steve endures a night full of prodding and pestering by his friends. it gets the best of him, taking him down the familiar road of anxiety and fear, but that was before you strayed towards his side, showing him that this situation isn't as complicated as it seems.

“Look into his angel eyes, one look and you’re hypnotized…”

You hummed along softly with your hand on your hip standing in front of the kettle that boiled slowly on the stove. It was nearly midmorning and though you weren’t an early bird yourself, it felt nice to roll out of bed with the hope that today was going to be better…you were going to be better.

And better meant making an effort, one that probably would go nowhere, but at least you tried. It was about time you pulled yourself out of the slump instead of sitting around waiting for yourself to magically get yanked out of it with ease. Instead, you set the mood, turning your living room into its usual workspace that would hopefully help you get into the groove of things.

The curtains had been drawn letting the sunshine cascade the walls and floorboards of your apartment.

Your new ABBA record spinning on the turn table beside a freshly lit candle.

Paint bottles, brushes, and other material had been set on the coffee table, ready to be put to use.

A new canvas on the easel already primed and just waiting for you to step forward and bring your art to life.

“Okay,” You sighed, nodding to yourself as you took a sip of your hot coffee and walked towards your living room.

Setting down the mug after taking another sip, you reached for your sketchbook, flipping through the pages that you had filled over the course of the past few days. It wasn’t anything too out of this world, just scenes in your head that were committed to memory and couldn’t stop thinking about.

Four pages were full of rough sketches:

A piece of half eaten cherry pie on a plate.

A vase of flowers sitting on a window sill.

A pile of quarters sitting next to a jukebox.

And a silhouette of a man who looked way too much like Steve — shirtless and covered in beauty marks where he stood in your living room.

Who were you kidding? It was Steve. All four sketches had to do with him… the muse if you will.

The half eaten pie was a flashback to your first time meeting him and the longing gazes you two would share in his living room. The vase of flowers took you back to the day where he came over with summer arrangements in his hands. The pile of quarters reliving the moment he asked you to dance and gave you all his pocket change just so you could listen to your favorite songs over dinner.

And of course, shirtless Steve, a beautiful reminder that he was living in your head no matter how far apart you were and how blurry the lines between you both were drawn. Friends had a nice title to it, but there was that gnawing feeling of more, a kind of relationship you couldn’t quite place.

Embarrassingly enough, the sketch didn’t take you long. You even mapped out the littlest of details like the three moles he had resting on his stomach and the hair that decorated his chest.

‘It’s ten in the morning and you’re thinking about Steve, that’s so pathetic,’

Sure it was utterly pathetic and honestly downright ridiculous but you couldn’t sit there and pretend like you weren’t affected by him. Even if the sketch didn’t do real life Steve any justice, it was still Steve. The Steve that would send you into a love sick daze if you decided to paint him today so instead you opened for the slice of cake, just as memorable as shirtless Steve.

With the graphite pencil in your dominant hand, you used light strokes against the canvas, roughing out the original sketch and creating a guide that would make it easier for you to paint in sections. The details like the crumbs sitting on the plate and the mush from the cherries didn’t correspond the way you’d like just yet, but you know it’s part of the process and once the paint hits, it’ll come together eventually.

“Not bad,” You whispered under your breath, dropping the pencil down and stepping back to see the composition.

You had drawn the plate sitting against his wooden coffee table, a few crumbs littered across the dish with the fork resting on the edge. It’s a simple scene, something that you shouldn’t have to tilt your head at and begin to pick apart, but you do so without realizing it’s that incessant criticism again.

Even if it’s just a sketch, you’re already imagining the colors clashing together and looking murky if you even think about painting it. The pie itself doesn’t even look half eaten, instead it looks like it had been torn apart from the inside by maggots — disgusting and revolting.

“Nope, c’mon, get it together,” You shut your eyes tightly, shaking your head back and forth as if that would make the gnawing thoughts leave your head.

When you opened your eyes you could picture the slimy larvae creatures moving across the plate and onto the fork, making you groan as you flopped back onto the couch and ran your fingers through your scrap tugging at your roots frustratedly.

All of it felt so fucking impossible and you weren’t sure why. Maybe it was the fact that you weren’t strong enough to combat your own goddamn thoughts and pick yourself up or maybe it was beginning to dawn on you that your spark was gone.

The ideas that you had in your head and even the sketches that filled your book was just the remainder of what was left. Before you knew it, it was all going to be gone eventually and you’d have to settle for the fact that your dreams as an artist were going to be crushed. And not because someone else was telling you that you couldn’t do it, but because at the end of the day it was always you.

Where was the girl who was sitting across from Steve at the diner that she painted all by herself? Where was the girl who looked around that same diner and realized that her potential was not limited by herself? Where was that girl who powered through all that stress and walked away with all the experience that made her better?

Where was she now and how could you find her again?

RING! RING! RING!

The search party was over pretty quickly, you weren’t even sure if you would have been able to find her in the first place. Reaching for the phone from where you were sitting, you picked it up and pressed it to your ear while you relaxed your head back against the cushions.

“Yellow,” You answered with a heavy breath.

A gasp rang from the other line with excitement, “Green! Are we going in order of ROYGBIV?!”

The voice on the other line immediately erased the frown on your face, calming the anxiety that was brewing in your chest as soon as Robin came through when you needed her the most.

“Robs!” You greeted happily this time, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” you asked, sitting up somewhat.

She let out a “mhm!”, and you could hear some noise, probably something on the tv that she was playing to pass the time, “I’m calling you from work actually. I hope you aren’t too busy.”

You let out a sarcastic laugh, glaring across the small space at the innocent easel and canvas, “Not busy at all, quite literally just giving my art supplies the nastiest glare in the world right now.”

“Still nothing new?” Robin wondered sadly.

You reached for your coffee mug, taking a sip and humming a reply before speaking, “Yeah, I think I’m throwing in the towel for the day.”

“Well don’t stress it, I’m sure it’ll come to you in no time.” She said encouragingly.

There was a special bond you and Robin had despite not knowing each other for long. For you, it felt like you have known her forever, possibly the bestest friend you’ve ever had because you didn’t have many.

Every thoughtful word came from her heart and you could feel it in the way she spoke to you with sureness even if you weren’t entirely sure of it yourself.

Your stress began to mellow, giving yourself the chance to finally breathe, “Thanks Ro. I miss you.”

“I know, I miss you too, buttttt we won’t miss each other for long because I was wondering if you’d wanna come down to Hawkins tonight!”

Her voice was always filled with excitement but this time around you caught the glint of hopefulness — as if you would ever turn it down even when you clearly had work to do.

You sat up wiggling your shoulders, “What the occasion?”

“Joyce and Hop are hosting a housewarming barbecue and because they’ve been hearing so much about you, they’d really love to meet you if you don’t have anything going on.”

You nibbled on your lip absentmindedly, “Hop and Joyce are the triplets parents’ right?”

You coined El, Will, and Jonathan under the nickname the triplets because of how similar they looked despite not being fully blood related. If Nancy hadn’t explained to you that the El was technically the boys’ step sister, you would have never guessed it.

You could hear the faint ding coming from what you assumed was the customer service bell followed by her saying, “Correct! So are you in?”

Glancing over at the time on the clock, you estimated that you had just enough time to start baking and then a little extra to get ready. From what you had heard, Hop and Joyce were the most laid back and involved out of all the parents. Knowing this you were more so excited than intimidated – if Robin and the rest of the group loved them, then so would you. 

“I’d be crazy to miss out on it, do you have an address?” You reached forward, picking up a ballpoint pen and napkin from your coffee table, ready to jot it down.

She mumbled under her breath, “Uhhh, hold on, I’m trying to remember.”

You were sure that you could picture the scene of her pinching her eyes shut and thinking especially hard with the “uh’s” and “um’s” from the other line. There was another voice in the background, a bit muffled yet closer and you wondered if it was Steve or their weirdo boss, Keith. Either way, you couldn’t hear what was being said, just the other person asking Robin something and her reply in pensive hums.

Then there was a slight shuffle, the phone feeling farther as she spoke. “Shit, here, talk to Steve while I try to get into El’s file.”

Your eyes widened and you sat up a little straighter, clearing your throat as you responded though you were sure she couldn’t hear you.

“O-oh, okay!”

Maybe it was because you spent a good chunk of your morning thinking about him and staring at the sketch of his shirtless body, but for some reason you had felt more skittish than normal. Almost debating on whether or not to hang up and let Robin call you back once she found the address. But it was just because you hadn’t spoken to Steve in five whole days.

It was Friday now and the last time you got to hear his voice is when he called you ‘sweet thing’ and you’d be lying to yourself if you said that you hadn’t been thinking about him saying it on repeat in your head — but that's besides the point.

It only took you five days of not speaking to him for you to realize that you missed him a lot more than you should’ve. That thinking about him the way that you were wasn’t entirely normal and the sketches even spoke for themselves. That night where he showed up to your gallery and spent the evening at yours was the catalyst to something inside of you that felt so foreign yet comforting.

By now it would be futile to try to pretend like you weren’t a plate of mush when it came to him.

“Hey, stranger.” He spoke smoothly.

His voice was cheery and you swore you could picture him leaned up on the counter with his phone pressed to his ear. A sight that you wish you could see with your own eyes instead of in your imagination.

You grunted out a short laugh, knowing there was no malice behind it, simply just trying to contain yourself, “Hiya, Steve.”

“How’s it going?” He asked with a short pause, “Being nicer to yourself?” There was a teasing lift to his voice that you caught making you roll your eyes playfully.

Laying back on the couch you kicked your legs up behind you, “I’m trying, but you know, I gotta say I’m a little annoyed at myself.”

He drew a breath in, voice coming out concerned as he spoke, “Yeah? Why’s that?”

“I’m a total idiot who forgot to ask the guy who bought me a dozen cronuts and my favorite latte for his number so I could thank him sooner,” you giggled, closing your eyes as you heard him laugh and the unease was replaced with humor.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’m an idiot for not leaving it. I just thought you wouldn’t want me flooding you with calls if I had your number.” He said it quietly trying not to be heard by Robin, but you ended up stifling your laughter as you heard her chirp in the background

“Oh, I already do that, and she doesn’t mind!” Robin quirked up as you heard him groan, hissing at her to be quiet.

“She really does and I don’t mind. one. bit.” You assured him, hoping he’d take you up on the offer and finally ask for your number. 

He chuckled, humming before he spoke again, “But seriously, how are you?”

You let out an exasperated sigh, prompting an “uh-oh” from Steve who picked up on your underlying mood right away. Even if he hadn’t asked, you probably would have ended up telling him anyway.

“I tried painting today. Didn’t really end up going well, seeing as though I’m sprawled out on my couch right about now.” You grumbled slightly annoyed at yourself for this reason.

He sucked in a harsh breath of air, “Yikes, sorry to hear that, but hey! You’re trying and that's what matters,” he tried his best to be encouraging.

“I guess,” you replied.

“You’re doing it again,” he warned.

You furrowed your brows sitting up, “Doing what?”

“The whole being means to yourself thing,” he said obviously.

“No, I’m not,” you defended yourself though you know that’s exactly the path you were about to go down and it just so happened that Steve caught you.

“But you kinda were.” You could feel the small smile forming on his face because you know he sees right through the facade even through the phone.

You paused, guiltily sighing, “Yeah, I kinda was.”

The two of you shared a short laugh, his coming from his chest while yours came from your throat. The tightening of the muscle loosening with the sound of his laughter easing all of the pent up stress and anxiety within you like an instant cure.

“Well, stop it.” He murmured, “I know whatever you’re working on is gonna be great when it’s finished. For now it’s just gonna take a bit of time.”

That’s what you were hoping for, just a bit of time to get you out of this funk so that you could return back to your regular self that didn’t see creating art as a task. You wanted to get back to enjoying it wholeheartedly instead of being so hard on yourself.

You smiled into the receiver tucking the phone closer to your ear, “That’s really kind of you, Steve, thanks for saying that… and I'm sorry for being—”

He swooped in before you could finish the sentence not knowing what you could possibly be sorry for.

“Nope, no sorries either. No more being mean to yourself and no more apologizing unnecessarily.” His voice was laced with determination like you should know this by now.

You giggled faintly, shaking your head, “Fine, it’s a deal.”

There was a short pause of silence, wondering if you should tell him that he could get back to whatever he was doing instead of keeping you company over the phone, but he spoke first.

“Are you coming tonight?”

You hummed wiggling the pen in your hand, “Yeah, unless Robin can’t find the address.”

“She’s gonna find it, she just sucks at using the computer.” He joked lightly before you could hear Robin in the background.

“Oh shut up, I found it. Give me the phone!”

You giggled, moving yourself to sit up properly with a pen and napkin ready in hand to jot down the address.

“Okay… here’s Robs,” Steve said, getting ready to hand off the phone to Robin.

“See you tonight, Steve,” you said bubbly, excited to see him and the rest of your friends later in the day.

You could hear the phone being passed back to her from the slight shuffling, but it was quickly retracted back to Steve’s hand followed by Robin’s gasp.

“Wait!” He said hurriedly taking you aback, “You’re gonna wanna take Cornwallis instead of Mirkwood,” he began.

“Huh?” You asked confused.

“On the map, Mirkwood is the shorter route to Joyce and Hop’s but it’s a sketchy back road so don’t take it. Cornwallis is the safer route, granted it will take you a little longer but it’s safer so just…please, take Cornwallis.”

You bit your lip, holding back a smile that was borderline self indulgent because he almost sounded distressed. Like the thought of you taking the shortcut would send him into full panic mode and who were you to do that to him? Never would you ever think about worrying him like that.

“Okay, I’ll take Cornwallis. Promise.”  You said firmly followed by a sigh of relief on the other line.

“Okay great, I’ll see you—sorry, I don’t know why, I’m saying that, I literally just said it five seconds ago.” He stumbled over his words apologizing unnecessarily. 

You grinned, biting back laughter. “It’s alright, Stevie. I’ll see you tonight!”

The nickname had slipped without you even realizing it. A sweet sweet nickname that rolled off your tongue innocently while it made Steve’s heart pitter patter a little faster in his chest, almost making him go dizzy because it was you saying it to him.

“Y-yep, gotcha, see ya tonight.” He stuttered, pulling the phone away from him.

“You guys make me sick,” Robin muttered jokingly, flicking Steve’s forehead as she took the phone and began reading you the address on file.

It wasn’t long before you and Robin said your goodbyes, reminding you to take Cornwallis once again after Steve had shouted it out from across the store. She whispered something about him being totally overprotective, but you didn’t mind, if anything you found it endearing as he was looking out for you and you knew Robs was just teasing.

So your productive morning didn’t turn out the way that you had planned it to be. Instead of fulfilling the blank canvas at home, you headed out to pick out some things for the party knowing it would be rude to show up empty handed.

At the farmers market you picked up a bundle of fresh rhubarb and a carton of strawberries — a gift to Joyce who made the best strawberry rhubarb pie according to her children. Then at another stand you picked up two bottles of cider, black currant and apple ginger for Hopper.

The rest of the things you picked up were little gifts like an assortment of freshly made jams that came in cute little reusable glass jars, a bundle of herbs, and a gorgeous bouquet of bright sunflowers.

Once you had arrived back home, you committed most of your time to assembling dessert. A trifle recipe that you had bookmarked in a cookbook yet hadn’t gotten the chance to try to bake until today — though in hindsight you should’ve picked something a lot simpler, but you always like to see how much you could crunch your time.

It wasn’t long before dessert was sitting in the fridge and you were covered in flour and pastry cream as you got to work personalizing gifts for the three siblings: El, Will, and Jonathan. Their gifts were practically free, coming from your collection of office supplies, yet also coming from your heart.

El’s was a baby pink spiral notebook, college ruled with over 200 pages she could write her heart out in. You had decorated the outside cover with silver and gold stars and in cursive letters you had written “El’s Secret Journal” inside of a heart.

Will’s was a tan sketchbook with thick pages where ink and paints couldn’t bleed through. You kept the cover pretty plain, using sticker letters to title it “Will’s Spectacular Sketches'', and adding a smily face in the corner.

Jonathan’s was a photo album that would store his developed film pictures that he had told you were starting to pile up in a random shoe box in his closet. You used newspaper clippings of letters to spell out “Jonathan’s Photography” in order to achieve the vintage sorta look you knew he was into.

All of the goodies were packed into a thrifted wickered basket that the family could repurpose whenever they wanted. And it also meant easy transporting for you considering how many things were stuffed into the basket. Surprisingly enough, everything fit perfectly and you were crossing your fingers that the family loved it just as much as you did.

“Okay, c’mon,” You rubbed your hands together before getting to work on cleaning up your place.

Once you were done you quickly got into the shower, rinsing your body off of the perspiration and baking ingredients that clung to your skin.

It wasn’t long before you were dried and throwing on a simple outfit: a floral cami paired with overalls and strappy sandals to match. You dabbed on a bit of makeup before throwing on your everyday jewelry and rushing out of your bedroom

The time on the clock read a quarter to six and by now you were supposed to leave ten minutes ago — way to go for time management.

Quickly you slung your purse over your shoulder before grabbing everything and hitting the road to what you hoped wouldn’t be too long of a drive.You couldn’t wait to meet Joyce and Hopper and most of all you couldn’t wait to see your friends again… and especially the person whom you saw more than a friend.

Meanwhile the sun was setting over Hawkins and in the Byers-Hopper front yard was a group of kids too busy screaming their heads off playing tag while the others finished setting up to get together.

Nancy and Jonathan were busy setting up the picnic tables, trying to figure out a way for the paper plates not to fly off. Robin was helping Joyce inside the house, getting the veggies cut up and plated, though both of them knew they were really spending more time talking. And Eddie and Steve lingered around the grill helping Hop with the barbecue duties.

El, however, was not participating in tag, tired from chasing around her friends and wanting to catch a break as she stayed close to her fathers’ side and talked his ear off about the girl from Roane who was going to be here any minute now.

“You’re gonna love her, dad.” El bubbled watching as her dad flipped the burger patties and Steve held an aluminum pan out for him.

Hop’s chest puffed out, peering down at her. “From what I heard she sounds like you’re grandma, so I’m a tad bit concerned.”

The young girl frowned sadly, detaching from his arm. “That’s what Mike said.”

Eddie and Steve both held back their laughs watching the way Hop’s face had fallen at the sheer thought of being compared to Mike. It was obvious that the man still had a hard time accepting the fact that his own daughter would ever consider dating such a little twerp — but to each their own.

Hop coughed, shaking his head regretfully. “Well, in that case, I'll take it back. She sounds lovely, all of you can't stop yapping about her so she must be nice,” he rolled his eyes somewhat though El didn’t seem to catch it.

“The nicest!” El gushed happily, clapping her hands together. 

Steve was smiling, not minding that the conversation was centered around you because… it was you. He honestly didn’t blame El for being so excited, after all they only got to see you a few days out of the week and when they did it was always something he looked forward to the most.

Eddie was the one who wiped the smile off his face, nudging him in the ribs with his elbow nearly making him drop the pan of burger patties,“Especially to Steve.”

“Asshole!” Steve shouted, regaining his grip on the pan and glaring at the metal head who shuffled a few inches away.

“Hey!” Hopper clanked the metal tongs together gaining the boy's attention, “Make fun of him all you want but don’t you dare drop the food. Spent way too much on all this crap and the last thing I need is dirt covered burgers.��

“Yeah, c’mon man, get it together.” Eddie chided with a grin as El giggled and shook her head, clearly amused by the grown men’s banter.

The sizzling of meat on the grill accompanied the shouts of the rest of the kids who were calling a timeout wanting to take a water break. The automatic porch light flickered on, giving light to the dim area as the sky turned darker with each passing minute.

“Isn’t she supposed to be here by now?” Eddie raised his brow, taking a look at the time on his watch.

“Probably stuck in traffic or something, Roane gets backed up pretty quickly.” Steve said, holding out the pan closer as Hop placed the cooked meats on top of one another.

Hop glanced around raising an eyebrow, “What’s so special about this girl, anyway? All I’ve been hearing for the past two weeks is Roane, Roane, Roane—”

Eddie snorted, crossing his arms over his chest, “Well for starters, she lives in Roane.”

The older man glared, responding sarcastically, “Wow, no kidding. Thanks Munson."

“Always my pleasure, sir.” Eddie saluted before patting Steve firmly on the back,“You. Why don’t you tell Hop about her since you two are soooo close?”

El giggled, reaching out to poke Steve on the cheek as he chuckled and shrugged away from her and Eddie’s teasing. But he couldn’t hold back his smile, not when it came to this and bragging about all the wonderful things that he had come to memorize about you.

“She’s an artist. Sells her own work at galleries and she gets commissioned for custom pieces from time to time.” He started, leaving out the bit about you painting an elaborate mural, knowing you’d like to tell them that yourself.

“And she bakes.” El chimed in.

Steve nodded with a smile before turning back to Hop, “And she’s kind, like insanely sweet, even to Mike and that’s saying a. lot. But she’s also super generous, gave Will a bunch of art supplies and will probably bring some more tonight—”

Hopper couldn’t help but interrupt the never ending list, pointing at him with the tongs, “Are you and her seeing each other or something?”

Steve blinked, shaking his head vigorously and pursing his lips. “W-what, no, we aren’t—”

“You sure?” Eddie tilted his head.

Steve groaned, narrowing his eyes at the metal head. “You’re literally friends with us, I’d tell you if we were.” he replied with a sigh giving him that knowing look.

The metal head shrugged, a teasing smirk pulling up at his lips, “Yeah, but I didn’t know you spent the night at her place until the next day.”

“You spent the night?” Hopper blurted crossing his arms over his chest.

Steve swallowed, “I wasn’t planning to, but there was a road closure and she offered. And like I’ve been telling everyone, nothing happened. We talked, then went to sleep.”

“And you got her coffee and did laundry before you left!” El added innocently, before slapping a hand over her mouth after Steve had widened his eyes at her.

“How did you know that?” He accused suspiciously as the girl took off shouting a “I don’t know” behind her.

Hopper and Eddie seemed entertained by the information while Steve on the other hand was mortified as to how she would know that unless you had told Robin who then had told Nancy who then told Max who then told her.

Knowing Robin for as long as he did, it was most likely her. You on the other hand had no idea that Robin was a blabber mouth and the world's worst liar — but she was still his best friend so there was not much he could do about it. 

“Husband duties already?” Hop joked, snapping Steve out of his worries.

He snorted, gripping the pan tightly in his hold, “I’m sure Joyce would have appreciated it when you and her started seeing each other.”

Hopper’s chest rumbled with a deep laugh and his face fell with a smirk, “Yeah, kid, I’m sure she did, but the difference is Joyce was my girlfriend but you, my friend, haven’t even asked—”

“You know what… that’s not the point!” Steve pinched his eyes shut, shaking his head to himself before opening them back up to see the smug smirks on Hop and Eddie’s faces, “I’m not a slob, I wasn’t going to leave her place without cleaning up after myself and at least thanking her for letting me stay over.”

The two men looked between each other, letting their shoulders fall with a shrug, “Sure, whatever you say.”

Steve was about to respond, a snarky comment about how Eddie shouldn’t be talking because his dating life was about zero to none and how Hopper should help Joyce with carpooling instead of rushing out of the house to get donuts every morning. But the remarks didn’t get a chance to break free as the front door of the home flung wide open.

“She’s here!” Robin shouted, jogging down the porch steps and whipping past the men at the grill setup.

He watched as she waved her hands up in the air stopping at the end of the driveway where your car had been approaching with the headlights dimming. As the yellow beacon of lights died, the car parked and he could clearly see through the glass beginning to unbuckle your belt as you smiled and waved.

“I’ll be right back,” Steve muttered, hastily thrusting the aluminum pan into Eddie’s hands as he jogged over to your car to greet you.

You should’ve known Robin wasn’t going to let you get out of the car before pulling you into a tight hug within the cramped space of your driver's seat. But you didn’t mind one bit, even if you were straining your neck to fully reach up around her and hug her just as snuggly.

“I’m so happy you came!” Robin squealed against you before letting you go.

“Thanks for inviting me,” you spoke gratefully as you took the hand she extended to help you out of the car.

And again you were met with “hello’s” and “hi’s” this time in rapid fire from the kids who quickly flocked around your car the moment they heard Robin screaming her head off. You honestly didn’t know if you had gotten to say hello to all of them before they ran off to wherever they were headed.

“C’mon, I’ll introduce you to Hop and Joyce!” She singsonged, skipping away before she had heard you say that you were going to grab some things first.

It already felt a lot better being here with your friends than being stuck at your apartment all alone tonight. These days the thought of leaving your sacred space to hang out with your friends in the next town over didn’t feel so overwhelming. If anything it was a tempting every second thought that crossed your mind as you enjoyed their company just as much as they did yours.

For you, nights like this used to be so rare, filled with loneliness and pacing your apartment fighting the urge to cancel plans — if you had any, that is. It felt nicer to be wanted, even in a simple setting like this one on a week night that should’ve been spent at home with work being done.

If you lived closer you were sure nights like this would be more common than not.

“Here, I’ll help.”

You felt him before you heard him and it honestly was the best type of anticipation that you could sense in your bones. Something you had picked up on from the first time that you met him. The way that he was always near whenever you were around and it was safe to say that you liked it.

Turning your head over your shoulder, you screeched excitedly.

“Steve!”

Your arms threw themselves around Steve’s neck, pulling yourself to him as he braced you with his arms wrapped around your back. He could feel you smiling against his collarbone as you tiptoed to try to reach the rest of him before eventually giving up and standing comfortably in his hold.

The only kind of hug that you and Steve ever shared was the fully immersed one where you’re both chest to chest, every inch of exposed skin sweeping against each other as you took one another in. It’s the only kind of hug either of you know when it comes to each other, the one that feels the most comfortable and right.

“Hey, you,” He murmured into your hair, taking in the scent that his memory wouldn’t let him forget.

Though it had already been five days since he used the collection of Body Shop products that littered your bathroom, it felt like he couldn’t wash it away, even overtop his cologne. And even if it was just his mind playing tricks on him, like torture for being away from you for so long — it felt nicer when the smell comes from you.

When your hair danced in the wind and filled the air with vanilla like a cloud that smothered Steve. He didn’t even dare to stop his senses from committing the blossoming jasmine and ripened peaches of a garden that you’re standing in the heart of to memory.

Hugs like this are a sort of delicacy to him that he hoped is the same for you, though he’s not sure if his Old Spice even comes close to the allure that you are — he can only hope.

“How was the drive?” He asked, finally fighting the urge to stop taking your aroma in.

He loosened his arms briefly to pull back and catch a glance at your face that was tucked to his chest. You retract only inches, staring up at him through your lashes with a smile never ceasing.

“Wasn’t too bad! I did almost get lost but I took a u-turn and took Cornwallis like you said.”

You forgot to tell him that you nearly took Mirkwood after having no clue of where you were going and your eyesight is too bad for you to read the street names on the rusty signs. It’s was already buried in the back of your mind, too happy that you made it here safely… his arms and the home, of course.

His arms tighten around you at the admission, squeezing you gently as he gave you an apologetic smile, “Sorry, you know if I wasn’t working today I would’ve come and picked you up.”

It’s not just something he’s said for show, you know he meant it wholeheartedly and if only he wasn’t working you would’ve taken him up on the offer. The passenger seat of his beemer is way more comfortable, not because it was a luxury car, but because he the one sitting beside you getting you where you need to be safely. 

“That’s alright, Steve,” You reassured him before hugging him close again, “thank you though.”

It isn’t long before the hug is interrupted by the shouts from Robin who is clearly amused by the sight yet very hungry and ready to sit down and feast. Steve muttered something unintelligible while you turned your head and flashed her a half smile from where she stood in between the home owners.

Steve knew the pointed look Robin gave him from across the driveway, the one that reads “don’t start with me!” and because of this he knew it’s best to let you go even when all he wanted was five more seconds to hold you like this.

He tapped the small of your back with his fingertips before he released, “Go,” he begins, chuckling as Robin begins counting down out loud like a threat. “I’ll grab the rest of the stuff.”

“Okie dokie,” You laughed, letting your arms drop from around his neck, leaving behind the rest of the stuff for Steve to carry.

Your fingers twiddle on their own accord as you approach the couple, smiling shyly, “Helloooo.”

“Hey, kid.”

“Hi, honey!”

Robin held her arms out wide, motioning to them both, “This is Hop and Joyce. Joyce and Hop, meet my friend from Roane!”

“Thank you for having me,” you beamed, unsure if you should stick your hand out and be formal.

Thankfully, Joyce didn’t hesitate to close the space between you, wrapping her arms around you lovingly and giving your back a rub, “Of course, honey, we’re so glad you were able to make it!”

She reminds you a lot like Dorothea, only less intimidating and shorter. But she’s just as warm and inviting, making you feel comfortable as if you’ve been here a million times before. As she pulled away, she gave your shoulders one last kind squeeze before you looked towards the tall giant beside her.

On the outside he looked scuffy, a thick mustache and a mean scar above his left eyebrow. But you know he’s the father to three wonderful and good hearted kids who praise him for being the best in the entire world, so you know he’s far from that — if anything his Hawaiian print button down would’ve told you anyways.

He was the one who broke the short silence, tapping the metal tongs together as he smirked, “So you’re the girl my kids won’t shut up about, huh?” He said jokingly.

Will and El don’t miss a beat to whine “Dad!” from the picnic tables where they were ready to eat.

You grinned walking into his side as you gave him a small hug, “I suppose so, it’s nice to meet you.”

“You too,” He nodded, patting your back and letting you step away.

The car door slammed shut and Steve was striding over with his hands full, “You can lock it now,” he said with a chuckle. 

You nodded, digging your hands into your purse to find the keys as you clicked the fob and watched the headlights flash twice before hearing the beep.

“Thank you, again,” you said quietly, reaching for the goodie filled basket and taking the weight from him as he hums.

Turning on your heel, you held it out towards them, Robin already long gone and joining the rest of the group of watches from their seats.

“These are for you guys and the family,” You announced, letting Hopper take it from you as he began to inspect the contents.

“Oh, you didn’t have to,” Joyce pouted with gratitude.

You shook your head reassuringly,“It’s really no problem! I didn’t want to show up empty handed anyways,” you insisted.

“There’s a bunch of local stuff from the farmers market in there, but I also customized a few notebooks for the three based on their hobbies and whatnot.” You explained watching as he pulled out one of the bottles of cider and began reading the label.

“Can’t wait to add this one to the bar,” Hop snickered, waving the bottle around in front of Joyce as she scoffed and rolled her eyes playfully.

She looked at you, pretending to conceal her mouth as she muttered, “He added a bar cart to the kitchen and now he thinks he can collect all the alcohol he wants.”

The married couple's banter made you smile, happy to see that even in their middle age they were still finding ways to poke fun at each other without actually hurting the others feelings. 

Hop looked down at her with fake annoyance eyeing around the yard. “Yeah, well, this barbecue was actually supposed to be me giving everyone a grand tour but all everybody wants to do is stay outside.”

Joyce slapped  his arm lightly , “Hop, you’re gonna bore her, please,” she said embarrassingly.

You clutched your hands together behind your back, jutting your chin up with piqued interest, hoping to actually get a tour of the place. From the outside alone it looked cozy yet simple. Rose bushes lined the porch along with rocking chairs on the wooden deck.

“I wouldn’t mind a little tour, the place looks beautiful by the way.” You said cheerfully.

Hopper grunted, passing a smug smirk towards his lady before trading the cold dessert Steve was holding for his grilling tongs.

“You’re on meat duty. Come on, kid.”

The man began leading the way towards the front door before you offered Joyce another grateful smile as you followed along.

“Scream if he starts going on a home improvement tangent.” She called out half jokingly as you turned around and flashed her a thumbs up.

Steve chuckled to himself, flipping open the grill, “She’s too nice to do that. She’ll probably stand there and let him go on and on.”

Reaching for the aluminum pan that sat on the grill’s edge, he began taking off the last pieces of cooked meat hoping to get away before he smelled of smoke.

“She’s real pretty, Steve,” Joyce nudged him lightly with her elbow.

With a kind smile, he replied,“she really is, isn’t she?”

“So how long have you two been seeing each other?” She asked, genuinely curious and unaware of the circumstances around you both.

He furrowed his brows, lips twitching as he tried to hold back a grin, “We aren’t…I haven’t — we’re not dating, just…yeah, just not dating.”

“You haven’t asked her out yet?” She speculated.

He shook his head, shutting off the heat and closing it with a loud metal clang,“yes…well no, no because we’re just friends — friends, that’s it.”

The quietness from the picnic table should have been a red flag considering that everyone was usually talkative, especially the kids. But their silence meant one thing: eavesdropping.

“Now that’s just bullshit,” Mike barked out while Steve and Joyce made their way over with pans.

Steve glared, placing it down directly in front of the little shithead, “You Wheelers just love the word ‘bullshit’ don’t you?”

Truly, Steve put up with a lot when it came to the kids and while he had a soft spot for them, they were on thin ice these days because of their meddling. They stuck their noses where it didn’t belong, barging in on him at work to talk his ear off about dating advice as if they were the experts who could solve his problem.

“I mean he’s not wrong,” Max began shrugging her shoulders, “friends don’t hug or look at each other like that.”

He furrowed his brows, taking a seat in the middle of the open space,“like what?”

“You know what,” The red head retorted with a scoff.

He pursed his lips tightly tapping his knuckles against the grain. “No, please, someone enlighten me.” Steve challenged, looking at the faces around the table that looked away from his hardened gaze.

The last thing he wanted for tonight was to be pestered on by a bunch of fifteen year olds who thought that they had the whole dating thing down the tee. Half of them could barely even stand in the presence of their crush without fainting and the others were on and off again for stupid little things.

Lucas was the brave one, speaking up with his hands thrown dramatically in the air. “Like you guys long for each other! You act like you haven’t seen her in ages but it’s only been like five days.”

“You rushed the car like you hadn’t seen her in months,” Dustin added feeling less intimidated.

Steve’s eyes widened, pointing his finger at his best friend across the table, “So did Robin!”

She held her hands up in defense, letting her shoulders come up cautiously. “Because I’m like her closest friend out of all of us, you dingus! I have car rushing privileges.”

He clenched his eyes shut,“Oh my god,” he breathed heavily when he opened them back up, “what’s the big deal?”

It was a real question — what was the big deal about him being just as happy as everyone else to see you?

“The big deal is you obviously like her but you’re just sitting here not doing anything about it.” Mike gestured, half glaring at the man.

“Look, what we’re saying is you need to just take the chance and ask her out.” Max put it simply, glancing around at everyone else who nodded their heads.

“The worst she could say is no.”

It’s not their fault, the kids are young and don’t have much experience out of their little friend group that they’ve established, but what they don’t understand is that you saying no isn’t the worst case scenario — it actually quite the opposite.

Steve Harrington had been rejected many times before, and he had been to move forward with life, taking their answer for what it was and not trying to push. Sure, him asking you out and you saying no would totally leave him heartbroken for a few weeks, maybe even months, but he was never going to try to force you to feel the same way about him.

But that was the problem… he knows you feel the same.

Feelings are reciprocated between the both of you, something that had been developing and brewing over the course of just two weeks. And Steve’s no genius but he picked up on all the little things you do that affirm what he knows.

It like a looped movie in his mind, a compilation of moments that the two of you had shared:

Glances from across the living rooms when no one else is paying attention.

Lingering touches that feel like electricity sparking up his heart.

Gentle words of solace, like a sacred promise that you’d never break.

Laughter that is so contagious and never ending.

There’s no denying it, especially in the way that you and Steve acted when people were watching. A space or world that you two created and transported to whenever it’s just you and him. Nothing could ever be so easy to see through, it’s not even hidden in plain sight — just evidently clear. 

For once in his life his gut and heart worked in tandem, not trying to fight it off the feelings or fleet away. He shows it in the way he conducts himself around you, not holding back on the longing hugs or the sweet words, totally just letting himself be.

Things, however change when he thinks about moving further, like his brain switching and telling him to not trust his gut or his heart because it’ll only blow up in his face at the end. That this… whatever this was, it was too good to be true.

Steve could never see it in himself to be the man you would ever want to be with, even if you were all in already.

He can imagine that after everything you’ve told him about your past, that it can’t be easy for you to trust again, to give yourself wholeheartedly to another person after all those years yet here you were slowly giving yourself to Steve in the same way he was handing himself over to you.

You’ll hold him, give him the safe space to talk about anything, his awful parents and his stupid boring life, but he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to hold you. If he has it in himself to give you the kind of love that you deserve… if the love he has inside of him would even suffice.

You’ve been hurt.

He had been the one dishing out the hurt.

But you’ve healed.

And he’s grown.

Yet it still feels like the two of you could be dancing with your hands tied and he can’t live to see himself be the one to hurt you — he can’t.

When Steve lost Nancy, it ate him alive, being so stupid and selfish for pushing her past the point of no return all because he couldn’t put his ego aside. But he’d been long over that, receiving her forgiveness and knowing that Jonathan loved and cherished her more than he ever could.

Losing you would kill him, just the thought of breaking your heart was sending him into a spiral of his thoughts.

He doesn’t even hear Eddie and Jonathan hissing at the kids to shut their traps and stop being so nosey. All of it feels like deafening silence even with the crickets chirping loudly in the grass and the dying charcoal sizzle in the grill a few feet away.

There’s a blank stare across his face, the expression so dull and lifeless, like his soul just got ripped away from him. Like a scene in a movie where the world goes on and on yet he’s still sitting there waiting for something to change.

“Steve, hey,” Robin said panicked, beginning to sit up on her haunches to get closer to him, “Dude, c’mon.” She said again, this time waving her hand in front of his face trying to pull him out of there.

The only thing he sees in front of him is his worst nightmare: you sobbing with your head in your hands, shouting that you never want to see him again as you get up and point him out the door.

No matter how loud Robin called for him to snap out of it and Joyce shaking his arm almost pleading — he couldn’t escape it.

The monster he’d become if he ever hurt you.

“What did I miss?” You piped up with your hand coming down to rest on Steve’s shoulders as you took a seat next to him.

It’s only then that he felt himself coming back down to Earth. Grounded knowing that you were right here in front of him with a smile on your face rather than a frown with tears coating your cheeks. You were happy right here with him, not trying to get away.

But your happy face quickly dropped with concern, hearing as though no one is answering you, not even Steve. He can feel it, the question on the tip of your tongue ready to ask him if everything is alright, and he doesn’t quite know the answer.

“I’m gonna go get a drink inside,” Steve finally spoke, getting up and leaving without saying another word to you.

Your eyes followed him, taking in his quick footing that took him through the front door in a matter of seconds. With your eyebrows furrowed, your voice drawled out, “Is he…okay?”

Looking around the table, the kids don’t dare to meet your eyes, not even innocent Will and El and that’s how you know something is up. Eddie only flashed you an apologetic smile as he shrugged his shoulders and took a swig of his beer. Nancy and Jonathan don’t even meet your eyes, theirs zeroing in on the living room window, trying to see where he went.

It’s Robin who takes a deep breath and lets her shoulders drop, “We don’t know.”

Joyce brings her hand to your arm, rubbing it warmly as she grimaces behind her smile, “I think he just needed some air, honey.”

You swallowed, nodding your head as you brace your hands on the wood and begin pushing yourself up, “I’m gonna go check on him.”

They didn’t try to stop you, insisting that it’s best for Steve to be alone right now because they truly don’t know what to do. The conversation had gone from all in good nature to triggering in a matter of seconds. 

You stepped through the front door making a beeline towards the kitchen where you could hear the ruckus of cans and bottles being shifted around in the fridge.

“Steve?”  You called out faintly, creeping around the wall to peek at him where he was hunched over in front of the appliance.

He turned his head over his shoulder, his face softening with just you in his sights, “Hey. Umm did you want a water or a soda?” He asked, holding up the two beverages in his hands.

You shook your head, watching as he forced a smile and put them back into the refrigerator, shutting it closed.

“Are you ok?” You approached him as he straightened up.

Steve nodded his head as if he was trying to convince himself, “Y-yeah, I’m fine—”

You knew he wasn’t. His easy going aura was replaced with someone that was tense and passive, trying his very best to put up a front. 

“Did the kids say something stupid?”

‘Insanely stupid and it sent me into a mental spiral’,  he thought.

“When don’t they?” He joked, rubbing a hand behind his neck as he tried to advert from your gaze.

You tsked, biting your lip as you watched him closely. “You usually don’t storm off like that, just had me worried, that’s all.”

“You shouldn’t worry about me.” He assured you, as if that would make your concern disappear.

“But I do,” You professed, no hesitation behind your voice, just you and your brutal honesty.

There’s not much to say, not when you both know what’s brewing between the both of you right here all alone. But in all honesty, the pot was boiling over, the point of no return but to just let it all go.

There’s so much Steve wanted to say, like the way he worries about you too. How he thinks about you throughout the day, that you’re taking care of yourself and being kinder like you had promised you would. Or how he wants you to know you can call him whenever you’re feeling alone and need the company — he’d drive to you no matter the hour whenever you called.

“Are you gonna drive all the way home tonight?” He started, looking out the window where the dark sky already clouded over the town.

“What?” You asked, clearly taken aback by the sudden question.

He swallowed, looking back at you, “It’s dark and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to drive home all alone. I mean you just got here, but by the time you leave it’ll be even darker and the roads are hard to see and—”

“Steve,” You whispered quietly, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.

It’s enough for him to shut up, to want to reel in the moment of your touch on his again, even if it’s just for a split second.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want me to spend the night at yours?”

He cursed at himself, realizing that’s what he must have sounded like. A pig who was trying to get into your pants when really that’s not what he was insinuating at in the first place. He just wanted you to be safe. 

“I—I’m sorry… you could ask Robin or Nance to spend the night at theirs if you want, I just really don’t want anything bad happening tonight if you decide to drive—”

“Steve,”  You started again, this time your voice firmer as you weaved your fingers through his and never letting up on your grip.

“Do you want me to spend the night at your place?” Your voice was sure, confident yet soft, letting him know that you’re not trying to make fun of him.

He knows you understand what he means. 

“I do,” he breathed, nodding his head and giving your hand a squeeze, “I really want you to.”

“Then I’ll spend the night at yours.”

Your words were all it took for him to relax, forgetting why he was so wound up and anxious in the first place. 

All of it doesn’t seem to matter when his heart was already in your hands. You have all of him – his deepest fears and his wildest dreams. He’s committed to you like a promise, something he knows he doesn’t have to hold out hope for any longer because he’s strong enough. 

You knew it all along and he finally started to feel it. 

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a/n: chapter three is finally here!!!! thank you all for being so patient and sticking around!!! we're finally seeing some momentum picking up when it comes to glitch reader and steve...i wonder what they did at his place ;) HEHEEHHE (yes i am evil cackling bcs i have tricks up my sleeve 'cowboy like me' style) as always, a big big big thank you to my sweetest effie @translatemunson for helping me out with proofreading and guiding me throughout the whole process of writing -- theres no one i'd rather spill my guts to other than you, I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!! happy reading to all!!! 🙈🩷

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