#and lucifer says sure sammy :) lets go find our son

[nobodymitskigabriel]

Valid for people to want Jack to be Sam's biological child ig. But I almost think it's more insane that he adopted Lucifer's child. He had no reason to rear Jack, but he just. Decided to. That's so much more telling to me.

#the fact that sam and jack are two unrelated guys with way too much in common makes them more interesting to me #a well characterized lucifer would also think it was telling #tunnel scene and he says i wanted to thank you for raising my son 💕 #i know we've been kind of on the rocks but i think i understand and wouldnt have it any other way #sam is like i dont know what the FUCK youre talking about hes just a kid and hes nothing like you #and lucifer says sure sammy :) lets go find our son #supernatural #sam winchester #jack kline #lucifer spn

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e7 unhuman nature (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

finally getting back to nick bashing someone's skull in i gather

sam the only one that apparently knows how to interact with a healthcare establishment. are they going to try to make me cry? because i really don't want to deal with that today

thought this diner looked familiar and like something in x-files, well. this super cool site has shows and episodes with pictures from things that filmed there! the magicians, the x-files and i, robot - relevant to my viewing history. need to get spn listed in there too. and i got to that info because the wiki has the also super cool maps with locations for every episode

SAM I mean, this place, we tried, but they've never seen anything like Jack, and we can't exactly tell them what he is. DEAN Then let's get him out of here. Let's bring him home. Let's do what we do. Let's find a way. Hell, I was even thinkin' maybe Rowena… SAM Already called her.

sammy's on the ball. there's always one parent who's best at dealing with the medical stuff

SAM Somebody is sick, all right, but… Listen, I-I don't know how well you got to know our friend Jack with everything that was going on when you were here, but we've sort of been taking care of him, and, uh, he's, um… Lucifer's son. ROWENA Goodbye. SAM No, no, no. Stop, stop. He's a great kid. His mother was a fantastic human being, a-a-and he wanted nothing to do with Lucifer, w-who is dead, as you know. ROWENA I hope he's rotting.

i'm not on board with her characterization flip flop but i can appreciate this dynamic she has with sam now

ROWENA It's as I suspected. A Nephilim, for all its power, is an unnatural presence. Part human, part angel… It -- It doesn't quite fit. It's delicate. Its grace is what holds it in balance, and when Jack's grace was taken from him, his being fell into chaos. The -- The cells are gobbling each other up.

reminds me of what i mentioned in recap of 12x19

if the kid is half grace wouldn’t you end up with a half a kid :p

variation on the theme. supernatural or mental illness: panic attack edition

i thought i was gonna get through this without it pushing on my dead parents buttons but no such luck. i've been on the receiving end of that conversation with a doctor that their bodies are shutting down. and all told that was 28 and 12 years ago respectively but it can still reduce me to a sobbing wreck pretty damned fast with the right prompts.

being a good dad with this driving lesson. i am not looking forward to those days, it's gonna stress me the fuck out and you gotta play it cool so you don't stress them the fuck out. double whammy

SAM Yo, Cass, wait. Are you sure you wanna handle this alone? CASS I, uh… I feel the need to do something. And I think Dean's right. We can't afford to overlook any possibility. He seems to be taking this particularly hard. SAM Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he -- he, uh, was pretty rough on Jack at the beginning, and...I don't think he's forgotten. And I know he hasn't forgiven himself. You know, he's lost people, we've all lost people, but, um… CASS This feels different. Losing, um...a son...feels different.

like sam can't even look at him after that. almost want sam to go with him just so that neither one is alone.

i'm reminded of 11x23 where they pushed hard on this dean going to sacrifice himself and saying goodbye at their parents graves and all and. how i knew, we knew, this was going to be walked back. that he wasn't actually dying. now i don't know how long alexander calvert is in the show, how many more episodes, etc. but i do have a very vague idea of where jack is at the end of the series. and i don't want them to kill him off and not have his actor back, but i also really don't want an episode that's making me break down sobbing when it's gonna be magically fixed at the last minute or whatever either. i'm trying to just push through the episode so i don't drag this out another day. not to mention i'm sure i'm going to have a fucking awful headache tomorrow

JACK You once told me you and your father did the exact same thing. It was your happiest memory of him. DEAN I didn't say that. JACK It was how you said it. I could tell. I guess my point is that… if I don't make it… The stuff I'd miss -- it wouldn't be things like Tahiti. Or the Taj Mahal. I'd miss more time with you. I'm getting that life isn't all these big, amazing moments. It's time together that matters. Like this. DEAN Well, who'd have thought hanging out with me would make you sentimental? JACK I've had a good life, Dean.

dean deflecting, per usual. but yeah. full-on "you're gonna cry" mode.

look at that. rando man we've never heard of happens to have some of gabriel's grace and a special spell. sure. at least it didn't work, i guess. not going for that cheap of an out

s14e7 / terminator 2: judgement day

pellegrino always delivers but i am so tired of lucifer. the effects were pretty okay until they decided to do this lucifer-empty!terminator skull situation. they gonna end up getting jack-via-lucifer's grace back this way?

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 14x07 #spnwhinge #i guess #spnsob more like it #eugenie ross leming #brad buckner

[lokissuper]

Reunion| Dean Winchester x Reader

(So I made a post about this a while ago, this specific idea. Now that im starting to get into writing I thought why not do it myself. So, in this Dean and the reader are dating but also have a kid together. Also, the reader is like a daughter to john so he sees her as so. thx xxoo i will always take feedback and support since im new to this)

-

“Dean! Sam! I’m home,” I yelled when entering the bunker.

Walking down the steps from the door I saw that they around the table in the library. Dead sitting there drinking a beer and Sam looking down at something in his hands, I spoke again, “ Is that it? The thing that is gonna save Dean.”

“Yeah,” Sam said looking at me then over to Dean, “Are you sure you don’t want to call Mom or wait for Cas?”

Dead stood up,” No. If this mojo works like you say, that’s great. But if not...why get their hopes up? I mean you and Y/n being here is fine, I just don’t wan’t you getting your hopes up either.” Dead looked at me then back at Sam, I nodded at him for an okay.

“Yeah.” Sam whispered, “Just hold the pearl and concentrate on what your heart desires.” 

Dean was handed the pearl, “Michael outta my head. Got it.” Picking up the pearl he looks at me for assurance. 

“It’s gonna be fine baby, if it doesn’t work then we’ll figure something else out,” I nodded at him again. 

He looked down at the pearl and closed him eyes shut, and squeezed the pearl in his hand. The electricity crackled, and Sam and I looked at each other as Dean eyes open again. The lights in the bunker turned red, “What the hell?” I spoke quietly. As Sam turned around he saw a dark figure and he lunged at it, me following behind him. The figure punched Sam and I attacked from behind along with Dean, we got a couple of hits in before the mysterious person knocked us to the ground. I groaned, hitting the wood floor but I got over it soon as I heard a gun cock.

“Don’t you move,” the dark figure threatened. 

We all looked at each other then the lights turned back on, we looked up at the man before us. I saw Deans eyes widened and I took a sharp intake of breath, same as Sam.

“Dad?” Dean asked in question.

“John?” I whispered.

The older Winchester looked in question at the three of us on the floor. He finally spoke up,” Dean? Sam? What in the hell? Y/n?” He looked around himself, puzzled at what he found. Sam and Dean slowly got up, Dean helping me up too. 

John continued to speak,”Sammy. Aren’t you supposed to be in Palo Alto?” 

“Palo Alto?” Sammy repeated, looking taken aback by the words.

“What happened to you,” John questioned.

Dean and I still staring at the exchange, Dean finally spoke up,” What year is it?”

John scoffs at us,” Its 2003.” I took a tiny step toward him, the man who raised me. “John, it’s 2019,” I spoke in shock.  He looked skeptical at all of us, not believing the words that were just said.  

“No. How?”

Sam started to sound a little louder, finally finding his voice,” We, uh, I think we summoned you.”

He looked at us like we were crazy,” You guys better tell me what the hell is going on right now.” We nodded at him, actually moving at this point.

“I think we should sit down.” I looked at him.

-

We had made our way to the kitchen and sat down at the table, finally able to catch our breaths after what just happened. Dean and I grabbing some alcohol knowing it would be needed for the future conversation. I knew in the back of my head that Mary was gonna come home soon, and it would be an emotional mess. She had left earlier with Dean and I’s son, wanting to have a day with him.

Dean and I made our way into the kitchen setting down the whiskey and some glasses. Finally sitting down, Dean poured all of us a glass getting ready to talk. 

After telling John about what happened after Yellow-Eyes, sparing the details about Mary and our son. He sat back to take it in, a moment later he spoke,” So, you saved the world? More than once?”

We nodded.

“Then its all true. God, the Devil, and you kids smack in the middle. Now you live in a secret bunker with an angel and Lucifer’s kid.” John said, mind boggled.

“Yeah.” We all spoke together.

“And you’ve done this whole time travel thing before?” John asked.

“A few times,” I looked at him. Dean nodded to my words, finding words himself,” Actually, our grandfather, your dad he’s the one that helped us find this place. I think he’d be real happy to know your finally here.”

They started to talk about the Men of Letters and how Dean and Sam were legacies. John not being able to believe how much we have been through, he spoke” I just wish that I had been there to see it. I went out takin’ out Yellow Eyes. I mean, that was the point, right? Get the thing that killed Mom.” He sipped on his drink nodding. All of us looking at each other, Sam and Dean finally catching on to the fact Mary could be home any minute. Just as Sam was going to tell John, we heard two pairs of footsteps. 

“ Mommy!” I heard a tiny voice yell. I then saw my sons little face peak out and run towards Dean and I.

“Hey baby! Did you have fun?” I smiled at the small child in my arms. 

“Yeah, me and Nana went shopping,” He spoke back to me.

John looked between me and the 4 year old in my arms. He spoke lowly,” Mommy? You have a kid?”

“Yeah, he’s your grandson.” I heard my boyfriend spoke from beside me.

John got teary eyed, “What’s his name? How old is he?”

“His names John Robert Winchester, after you and Bobby. But we do call him Johnny from time to time. Why don’t you show your Papa how old you are?” I asked with tears starting to grow in my eyes too.

Johnny lifted up his fingers showing the number four. I laughed and so did John,” That’s good.”

John smiled at his grandson, but it faltered when he heard a second voice coming from the hallway.

“Sam? Dean? Johnny?” Mary’s voice shouted.

Johns eyes got soft,”Mary?” He turned around at saw Mary standing in the doorway. They locked eyes with each other and they walked toward one another, sharing a kiss. I looked at Sam and Dean nodding at the door, trying to say we should give them some time.

-

I departed from the boys so I could go into mine and Deans room with Johnny. I still couldn’t believe that John was back and how happy Dean must be. It was all he ever wanted, I couldn’t count how many times he told me he wished he could just have one night with his family again. I looked down at Johnny in my arms and smiled.

“Mommy, who was that man with Nana?” he asked me.

I set him down on the bed and sat in front of him.,” That was your grandpa John. I told you that you were named after your Papa, right?” Johnny nodded at me. “Well that was him. Him and Nana are like me and your Daddy.” I spoke to him. 

Dead then walked into the room locking eyes with me. “Hey buddy,” Dean spoke softly to his son. Johnny looked at me and then at his Dad, “Is Papa John here to meet me Daddy?”

Dean looked at Johnny and smiled, kneeling down beside me he said,” Your grandfather travels all over the world and is very busy. He has always wanted to meet you, and now he finally is able to see you.”

Johnny smiled,” Can I go see him?” Dean and I nodded at the happy child sitting in front of us. Dean stood up and told me that he was gonna go check up on his Mom, and that I could bring Johnny to John. 

I walked through the hallways into the Library and saw that John was looking at the books on the shelves. I set Johnny down, and at the noise John turned around. I looked at him in the eye and smiled, Johnny walked over to his grandpa. “Mommy told me that I was named after you,” Johnny spoke up to John. He nodded to his grandson,”Seems that way doesn’t it.”

I walked up to John and said to him,” He is just like Dean in so many ways and with that I can see some of you too. Mostly the stubbornness. ” He smiled at me, and brought me into a hug. I grinned wrapping my arms around him, I heard him say,” It was about damn time you and Dean got together.” I laughed and pulled myself away from him.

“Yeah, I think after what happened with Yellow Eyes it brought us closer together. He tried to pull himself away like he always does but I wouldn’t let him, and I think that’s what caused us to get together.” I sighed but continued on,” We were dating 8 years and then had Johnny, it still blows my mind four years later and we are still going strong.” John smiled at me.

He looked down at Johnny but still spoke to me,” After 12 years and he still hasn’t popped the question. God, I’m gonna need to get on him about that.” I laughed at him. John looked down at Johnny and spoke to him,” You have the best mother and father in the world. Don’t you forget that.” 

Johnny nodded his head,” I know. They always tell me you are the best like Nana.” John looked at me and smiled. 

“No, your Nana is better than me in every way.” John laughed at the little boy, me laughing along with him.

I looked over at John,” Do you know where Sam went?” 

“Him and Dean were gonna head out and grab some stuff for that casserole Mary likes to make,” he responded.

I nodded. 

I bent down toward Johnny and spoke lightly, “How about you and Papa John go and hang out for a while.”

Johnny smiled wide,” Okay!”

He grabbed his grandfather by the hand and led him away. I smiled softly at the image now burned in my brain.

-

“I can’t believe this, we just got him back Dean.” I spoke sternly. “Johnny finally met his grandfather.”

Dean had pulled me aside when him and Sam got back explaining how everything is changing now that John was back.

“I know. But there is something else too,” He looked down at his feet. I looked at him sternly.

“What else?” I asked.

Dean took in a sharp breath before continuing on,” If he stays, it is gonna be like Mom was never here. It’s because we would have never clashed heads with God or the Darkness.” I got teary eyed and tried to say something but Dean held up his hand. He began to speak again,” Also, if he stays Sam thinks that Johnny’s gonna go too. Like you and I never got together because we only ever got together because of Dads death. I already talked to Dad about it.”

I started to silently cry thinking about not having Johnny and not being with Dean. As the tears were falling down my face I asked,” What did John say?”

He pulled me to his chest,”He said that he’s okay with going. That there is no way he is gonna be the reason his grandson can’t grow up, or Mom not being alive again.”

I looked up at him crying harder now, seeing he starting to shed tears too. 

“This sucks,” I said.

“I know, but it’s what he wants.” Dean responded.

I leaned forward and pecked him on the lips then nodded, “Okay.”

Dean then pecked mine back before saying, “ I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

-

We had sat down for dinner, something I knew Dean had always wanted. It was hard to avoid the inevitable but it was good to just be carefree for a while. 

When it was time for John to go back, I had Johnny say goodbye before telling him to go to his room. Me and Dean still not wanting him to be exposed to magic yet. 

Dean, Sam, John, Mary and I all stood in a circle together, ready to see him off. All of us teary eyed and trying to hold in sobs. 

Mary was the first to speak up, “I hate this.”

In which John responded, “So do I.”

John then began to talk to all of us,” Okay.” Looking over at Mary he spoke,”My girl. I miss you so damn much.” Before they kissed each other, for the last time. John then looked at the boys,” You two. You take care of each other.” 

Sam responded,” We always do.”

Dean spoke lightly, “It’s good to see you Dad.”

John sniffled, looking between his sons, “ I am so proud of you boys.” He then turned to me, seeing me there crying.

“And you, I am so proud of the woman you have become. Your no longer that little teenager anymore.” he spoke wiping his eyes before looking between Dean and I.

“You guys deserve each other and that little boy in there. I never thought I would see the day where Dean would grow some balls and ask you out but, here we are,” he said as we all laughed. “You guys take care of that boy, you here me,” John continued.

He then looked sternly at Dean,” If I have to come back just to make sure you finally ask this woman to marry you, I will.” 

We all laughed again. John then leaned forward and brought the three of us into a hug. 

“I love you guys so much.”

Dean sniffled before saying,”We love you too.”

John pulled away telling us he was ready.  He looked at us all one last time, before Sam broke the pearl. We watched as the man we all loved faded away. 

#dean winchester #dean winchester imagines #dean winchester x reader #demon!dean #Sam Winchester #sam winchester imagines #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester x reader #john winchester #mary winchester #castiel #lucifer #crowley #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural family #Jensen Ackles #jensen ackles imagines #Jared Padalecki #jared padalecki imagine

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

What if hallucifer stayed with Sam throughout the whole show? What if cass didn't really fix the problem, but only took the pain away?

Sam walks out of that hospital knowing he's not alright. Knowing he's never gonna be alright. He gets into shotgun, dean smiling next to him warmly, Lucifer smiling at him from the back seat. Cold dead eyes.

Lucifer is there with him when dean and cass get blasted to who knows where. Crowley tells him he's all on his own, Lucifer laughs next to him.

He meets Amelia, but eventually she leaves him. He doesn't blame her, who would want to be with a guy who talks to air and barely sleeps? He starts drinking a lot after that.

Dean comes back, from purgatory apparently. He doesn't know about lucifer, Sam never told him, didn't want to make himself a bigger burden for his brother. So he lies, tells him he was with Amelia this whole time. Dean gets angry. Sam knew he would, but it's easier this way.

Lucifer is with him when they find the bunker, commenting on the ugly lamps. Sam snickers, dean looks at him weird, but doesn't say anything.

Lucifer is with him when he completes the first trial. He looks down to Sam who is covered in blood. He points to the dead hellhound. "I knew that one." He says. "Her name was Ashley."

Lucifer is with him when he goes to hell to rescue bobbys soul. "I did not miss this place." Lucifer whispers next to him. A shiver goes down Sam's spine.

Lucifer is with him when he's just about to finish the last trial. Lucifer always keeps quiet when Sam is completing trials, something about "purification." Sam doesn't really know, he mostly blocks him out.

He's there when dean comes and stops him. He's yelling at Dean, telling him to go, leave them. But dean cant hear him, he knows he cant hear him. Sam doesnt know why Lucifer even tries.

Lucifer is in the back seat of the impala when Sam wakes up. He doesn't remember getting into the impala. He remembers passing out in the mud in front of the church. His clothes are clean now though. Lucifer is quiet.

Lucifer has stopped talking to him, he just hovers now. It's driving Sam mad. He's not used to the strange silence, but he doesn't suspect anything weird until he starts losing fragments of his day.

He starts noting down time frames that he loses. He started when he was researching in the library at 2:45pm, blacked out, and came to in the kitchen at 3:14pm. Lucifer stays out of his way. Sam sometimes thinks he has a look of pity on his face, but that can't be right, can it?

Sam eventually asks dean about this. His brother just brushes him off. Lucifer continues to hover.

Crowley comes and saves him. Sam kicks the angel out. He opens his eyes to see Lucifer staring at his brother. "I guess sammy has a thing for kicking angles out."

Deans starting to get suspicious. Sam's zoning out more and more. Eyes glazing over as he just listens to Lucifer ramble on about nothing. About everything.

"You good Sammy?" Dean asks him one day while they're eating breakfast. Sam answers too fast. Dean only gets more suspicious.

Dean eventually finds out, Sam knew he would sooner or later. He finds dean with alcohol more often now. A look of guilt is permanently stuck on Sam's face.

"Its not your fault Sammy." Dean always tells him. Sam is finding it harder to believe him.

Sam zones out more often. The only thing that can bring him back is deans touch. Deans heavy hand on his shoulder bringing him back down to earth, grounding him. Deans always looking at him with this sad smile. Sam feels like he's failed him.

Lucifer is with him when he finds out dean got the mark of Cain. "Oh that's a nasty little thing." Lucifer comments next to him. Sam has taken to ignoring him, it eases deans mind.

Dean is getting worse and worse. And so is Sam. Dean is slowly losing care for Sam and he's not there for him anymore. He's not there to ground him, to pull him back.

Sam starts zoning out for longer periods of time. Dean doesn't seem to care, only rolls his eyes. Lucifer watches perched on a chair next to him. "Does big bro not love you anymore?" Sam flinches.

Lucifer is there when dean dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam finds the note. "Aww big brother left you." Lucifer laughs.

Sam is spiralling. Lucifer talks to him more and more as Sam searches for his brother. No-one is there to ground him anymore. No-one is there to help him. One day Sam accidently talks back to Lucifer. Lucifer looks shocked for half a second before that cold smirk comes back to his face.

"Its been years since you talked to me Sammy." Lucifer says one day as Sam is reading a book on demons. "I missed our little talks." Sam slams the book shut. "Shut up." He hisses.

Lucifer is right there as Sam ducks down to avoid the hammer. "I never knew why Alastair liked this one." Cass appears. Thank god. Sam falls back against the wall and helplessly covers his ears. He knows it won't block him out. "Sure he ripped apart a lot of souls in hell, but a hammer?" Sam hits his head against the wall. "Shut up shut up shut up." Lucifer laughs at him. Cass pays him no mind.

Lucifer is there when the darkness is unleashed. "Ooh aunty." He says next to Sam. Sam flinches, dean places a hand on his arm. All three stand there and watch.

"You know, I find it really uncomfortable that your brother has a thing for my aunt." Lucifer says one day. Sam looks him right in the eye. "Shut up, Lucifer." Sam hasn't looked directly at Lucifer for at least 3 years. Lucifer smiles coldly at him as dean walks up to Sam, worry and fear etched into his face. Palms out towards him like he's trying not to scare off a frightened animal. Sam doesn't feel too far off from that.

Lucifer is with Sam when he goes to see real Lucifer. Sam thinks he's going crazy.

"So, you're still seeing me huh?" Real Lucifer asks him. Sam sucks in a breath as Lucifer stands to the side of the cage. "Oh c'mon Sam. I've been inside that head of yours. There's nothing I don't know about you." Real Lucifer smiles down at him. Or is it fake Lucifer? Sam doesn't know anymore.

Lucifer is with him as he gets tourted by the British men of letters. Always sending words of encouragement, towards Toni.

Lucifer is sitting on the steps. "Ah remember our lovely time down under?" He asks, titling his head to get a better view of what the lady was doing. "Ooh blowtorch. You never did like fire huh?" Sam screams. He can bearly hear Lucifers laughter over his own screams of pain.

Dean comes and saves him. Hands all over him as soon as they're out. Lucifer rolls his eyes at them. "Mother hen." Sam tenses up.

Lucifer is there when their mother leaves them. "I guess everyone hates ya huh Sammy?" Lucifer smiles at him. Dean doesn't react, doesn't even look at him.

"Never did like the brits." Lucifer says one day. Sam smiles. Deans hands are on him straight away.

Lucifer is there when Jack is born. Lucifer is there when cass is killed. Sam thinks he's seeing double, two Lucifers talking to him at the same time.

One Lucifer stays with him, one goes with his mother. He's not sure which is which. So he asks. Lucifer laughs at him. Dean doesn't put a hand on him.

Dean always stands closer to him after that, he's always making sure that they're touching, that they're shoulders are brushing. Lucifer gets annoyed at dean. Tries to hurt him. Sam sleeps less and less, just in case, just in case one day Lucifer succeeds.

Lucifer sits right next to Sam one day, getting all up in his personal space. Dean isn't in the room. Sam silently sobs.

Lucifer is always hovering around Jack, making terrible remarks about the kid. Sam snaps one day. "Leave him alone!" Lucifer smiles at him, Jack looks up at him like a confused puppy, and dean is dragging him out of the room, his fingers digging into his shoulder blade.

Jack has started to avoid him after that. Dean tells him not to worry about it, but it breaks Sam's heart. Lucifer laughing at him for it all the time is not helping.

Lucifer is there when the vampires get him. Cheering to the side of the cave. And Lucifer is there when he wakes up. He didn't know that it was the real Lucifer.

Lucifer is with him when he makes it back to Dean, both of them. Sam only knows which one is real beacuse everyone is looking at that one. Sam feels like he's failed Dean, again.

Dean hugs Sam, but it doesn't feel real, it doesn't feel right. Lucifer pokes his blood caked neck, Sam jerks away from dean. Dean looks at him with heart broken eyes.

Deans hand is on him all the time now. Holding his arm, brushing their shoulders together. It makes Sam feel jumpy.

Sam makes sure Lucifer stays in this world. He doesn't know which one he trapped, but he hopes it was fake Lucifer. Real Lucifer is easier to deal with.

Lucifer is there when real Lucifer is killed. Sam smiles at him.

"So much for your win Sammy." Lucifer says one day while Sam is sitting in the darkness of his room. "Sure you killed me, but you lost your big brother." Sam wishes he could punch him.

Lucifer is there when Sam gets dean back.

Dean makes a comment on his beard. "Don't listen to him Sammy." Lucifer says as dean walks off. "I think you look good." Sam shaves his beard off after that.

Lucifer is there when Michael possesses dean again. He's laughing the whole time. Dean won't help him, can't help him. Dean is gone.

"Let him in the box Sam!" Lucifer suddenly snaps at him one day, making Sam jump. "Get rid of Michael!" Sam starts to cry. It's too much, not even deans touch is helping him anymore. It feels wrong, alien.

Nick attacks him, Lucifer is cheering him on. "Ah I wish he was my true vessel!" Lucifer exclaims as Sam's vision darkens.

Mary is dead, Jack is gone. "Bye bye mother Mary." Lucifer sings. Sam flinches, dean doesn't care.

"Oh so you can't put your brother in that box, but you sure as hell can put my son in?" Lucifer is yelling in his ear. Sam punches the air. Deans hands on him don't help.

Chuck comes back. Lucifer snarls at him, never stops yelling at him. It's hard for Sam to pay attention to anything, he can't hear anything over Lucifers yelling. Deans hand is on his shoulder the whole time, but he seems out of it.

Lucifer was quiet for a while after God killed Jack. Sam counts his blessings.

Lucifer is there when they rendered chuck powerless. He seems to have a grateful look on his face.

Lucifer isn't there when dean dies.

Lucifer isn't there when miracle dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam's on his death bed. He's standing in the corner of the room, arms crossed over his chest. He waves, and Sam's vision fades.

Sam's free.

Sam's finally free.

#I swear it gets better the longer you read #I'm sorry I know I started off bad 😔 #fan fiction #spn fic #spn ficlet #supernatural fic #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester #sam and dean #dean winchester #supernatural #sam and lucifer #Lucifer #jack kline #Amelia #crowley #castiel #miracle #please don't tag this as anything shippy thanks <3 #sorry this took me so long to post farah:( #my writing #calliope hit me

[destielhasmedead]

this is the first part to a story i started - thoughts?

It had been two hours in the Impala for Cas to suddenly crack, he cleared his throat,

“Uh, Sam.”

“Yeah?” Sam turned around to see the angel. Cas made a head-nodding motion towards Dean and pointed to his ears.

“What y’all playing charades now? What is it Cas?” Dean laughed and took his eyes off the road for a minute to look at the two passengers,

“What…..”

“Dude, we’ve been listening to the same song for the past hour, and the same album for the past two, even Metallica isn’t that good,” Sam said.

“You watch your mouth Sammy, I'm the one driving here!” 

“Dean, I do too thoroughly enjoy the melody, but perhaps we could hear something else?” Cas piped in from the backseat nervously. Dean moved his attention to the rearview mirror, took a good look at Castiel, then back to his brother, and with a deep sigh begrudgingly agreed. Sam grabbed something from his feet,

“An aux cord? You have to be kidding me”.

“Dean, unlike you I enjoy living in the 21st century. You should try it, upgrade from your cassette tapes.” Sam scoffed, but let out a soft chuckle. 

“Fine let’s see what garbage you listen to.” Said Dean annoyed and skeptical. Cas moved eagerly towards the space between the two front seats to get a good look at all the commotion. Sam plugged the wire into his cell and proceeded to scroll through till he found the playlist he was looking for.

Sam had always been a soft rock, jazz, and even pop kind of guy. Though, he was sure to always have a playlist that wouldn’t get him kicked out onto the side of the road. Soon, Lodi by Creedence Clearwater Revival came on through the speakers. Dean's face fell flat but remained silent. They were on their way to the beach, so Sam knew he had some leeway and extra room to play with, and Dean was fully aware of the opportunities Sam had. It had been years, decades even since they had a proper visit to the beach. The only times they’ve been there was on a case. Sure, when the boys were younger John had let them stay a couple of days afterward from time to time, but even then it was stress-filled and tense. 

A few songs in, Cas reached, sitting up higher, and pointed out the sign that read of the hotel they had booked. Cas had all the windows of the Impala opened, his hair flopped about as the salty air flowed around him. The hotel was located on a quiet street, just a short walk from the shore. It was nicer than the places they typically stayed at. 

Sam helped his brother find a parking spot, and closed the doors almost simultaneously. Sam stayed back for a minute grabbing their bags, while Dean and Cas ventured inside. It was quaint, a typical beach hotel. Whiffs of sunblock, the squeaking of damp flip flops, bright lights, and inspirational signs filled their senses. 

“Hi, we have three rooms booked.” Dean leaned on the counter and put down a credit card that wasn’t his.

“I see only two on the reservation list..” the clerk said clicking on his computer. Dean looked at Cas nervously, searching for a response to give to the man. Sam strolled in with their bags.

“What’s going on?” Sam butted in on the conversation.

“You only booked two rooms,” Dean said, glaring at his brother. Sam shrugged and turned back to the desk for answers.

“I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do, there aren’t any extra rooms” 

“We could stay somewhere else..” Sam started to say but was interrupted.

“No! The reviews said this joint has great water pressure in the shower and I’m not giving that up!” Dean exclaimed passionately. Suddenly Cas cleared his throat,

“Well, I could um share a room with Dean. I don’t sleep anyway.” Cas’s face grew flushed and he shifted his weight on his feet. 

“Ok, that works for me. I’m sick of sharing with you anyway, you snore real loudly.” Sam commented about Dean. Though Dean didn’t respond. His eyes had glazed over, staring at the wall deep in thought. He felt his heart in his throat as if he had been chasing a vamp. He gulped it down and felt a soft palm on his shoulder that pulled him away from his thoughts. 

“Are you ok?” Cas looked him in the eyes.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine just thinking” Dean gave him a smile, and Cas’s head straightened once again out of its tilt. Both of the men were visibly flustered from the string of events that just occurred. Sam cleared his throat,

“Ok, wanna find our rooms and get some rest, I for one would appreciate getting more than four hours of sleep for once in my life.” The guys nodded, now aware of the time. Dean bunched up his sleeves till they reached his elbows, and looked at his watch. It was eleven pm, which in hindsight made sense since they had arrived when the sky was darkening. 

They started towards the elevator and to the 4th floor. Dean had been iffy about not getting their usual spot in the corner on the base level. But Sam just poked fun at him saying,

“Dude quit overreacting, we aren’t on a hunt, and we’ve saved the world like 12 times. We can survive two nights in a room that doesn’t look at a parking lot.” But Dean had just rolled his eyes. Soon, he found himself following Cas into their room, and Sam walked down the other end of the hallway to his.

“Have fun you two!” Sam teased. The new roommates' faces reddened. Cas swiped the key card over the black square and pushed the door open.

“You have to be kidding me,” Dean said under his breath, yet still audible for Cas to hear. He tossed his duffel bag a few feet away from him and rubbed his hands through his hair until his nails dug into his neck. Before them, they saw a couch, a TV, other typical Hotel amenities (bathroom, mini-fridge), and one queen-sized bed. But, looking back on it, the man at the front desk hadn’t said there would be a second bed in that room. 

“Dean, I don’t sleep much anyway, you have the bed and I can hang out on the couch.”

“You sure Cas?”, Cas nodded. Dean felt his eyes getting heavy, he tugged at his duffel and got out his Men Of Letters robe, Led Zeppelin T-Shirt, and his hotdog pajama pants. Meanwhile, Cas had found the TV remote and started channel surfing. He paused it on a show called Lucifer, which he had found very amusing. Dean walked back in to find Cas hunched over in front of the screen pointing at the different characters and saying how inaccurate they are.

“You having fun over there?” Dean said through a smirk as he drew the blanket toward him.

“Though it’s ridiculous, it’s also very comical!” Cas nodded to himself with a smile, maintaining his focus. 

“Alright, well you two have fun, just turn the volume down a bit so I can sleep? We’ll come up with a plan for tomorrow in the morning.” Dean kindly shook his head.

“Alright goodnight, Dean.”

“Night, Buddy.”

--------

chapt 2 (not completed?)

It’s 9 am and Dean awakes to Castiel pulling the curtains open, letting the effulgent sunlight bounce around the room, filling Dean’s face with the brightness. He cups his hands by his eyebrows, grabbing at the covers while doing so. Once Dean’s eyes stopped ping-ponging and the static washed over, he grumbled “good mornin.'' and tossed around the clothes in his bag till he found what he called his “summer flannel” and shorts. Cas moved out from by the windows and shuffled over to Dean’s ill-made bed and began to meticulously tidy it up. 

“Alright, you ready? Sam’s meeting us downstairs for bacon. Well, he’ll probably have some fancy-schmancy healthy smoothie, but I’m having bacon.” Cas turned towards the bathroom doorway where Dean was still a few feet away from, nodded to Dean in agreement, and walked towards their room’s door.

“Wow wow wow there champ, you’re wearing that?” Dean held out his hand in a stop motion, running over to block the door from him.

“Y- Yes?” Cas replied, unsure of the question.

“Okay, I know it’s your outfit and stuff, but it's the beach! it’s hot outside!”

“But, you’re wearing your summer flannel, and this is all I have.” Cas gestured to Dean’s extra layer and then proceeded to look down at his overcoat.

“Well, that’s different.” Dean said, slightly defensive, and followed up with “We’ll ask Sam downstairs, but I for one am starving”. Dean swiveled, now facing the door holding onto the round silver knob, letting Cas walk through first.

Once the two arrive in the food court, they find Sam already set up with, as his brother had predicted, a bottled smoothie and eggs.

“Hey! Bacon’s over there, Dean.” Sam’s head tilted in the direction of the food. There were lifted metal container-looking platters lined up each with lids to keep what was inside warm. Excitedly, he grabbed a plate and piled on his food.

Castiel joined Sam at the circular table.

“So, how was last night?” Sam asked, showing genuine curiosity.

“It was fine. I did what Dean refers to as channel surfing, and I read all of the brochures on the table.”

“Oh yeah? Find anything interesting?”

“Not particularly, I saw a couple of different restaurants, there is an ice cream place down the street though.” Yes, Cas didn’t need to eat, but recently Rowena cast a spell for him so that he could at least taste it without feeling every single molecule. He hadn’t gotten around to trying Ice Cream yet though, he was still getting used to the sensations.

“What’d I miss? Oh, Sam! Cas refuses to change his clothes. The son of a bitch wouldn’t listen to me.” He had put emphasis on the word “refuses” to get his point across. Cas rolled his eyes at him, recalling the interaction and being fully aware that there hadn’t been anything he would refer to as a refusal.

“Cas only ever wears that trench coat though. And you on the other hand,” Sam turned to Dean,

“Are wearing your summer flannel which by the way does not exist.” Sam lightly laughed as Dean bites dramatically into his bacon.

“Well, this is a vacation, remember? So, if I even see your asses walking to the beach without wearing bathing suits, or at least not long sleeves, I swear I will shoot you.” He waved his fork in the air as he spoke. The men in question, who had been sitting next to each other, locked eyes. The two, without talking seemed to come to the consensus that Sam would in fact shoot them in the leg. Sam himself had been wearing dark purple swim trunks and a T-shirt. Having spent part of the night reading about the town, Cas mentioned a nearby store for him and Dean to walk down to. 

#original writing #deancas fic #mine #spn #work in progress so please don't hate me #deancas #destiel

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

Hard Truths

Fandom: Supernatural Pairings: Dean/Sam, one-sided Destiel on Cass’ side.  Summary: Castiel's love confession to Dean doesn't go the way he hoped it would as Dean lays some hard truths on him. Warnings: Overprotective!Dean of Sam, not nice to Castiel at all, during the “love confession” scene  Notes: I'm not going to lie this fic came to me because of the hatred the hellers are spreading towards Jared. The fact that they are using what is happening in Texas as another way to attack him gave me the idea to write this and I am not sorry at all. Also on AO3

"It is because of you that I learned to love Sam and Jack."

Dean had been in a daze since Castiel had started his love confession but that line had pulled himself out of it, "Whoa, hold on a moment. Are you telling me that Jack, the boy you claim to love like a son you would have never cared about it if wasn't for me? And Sammy, my Sammy you would have never cared about him." Dean took a dangerous step forward.

Everyone stopped Billie and the Empty that was consuming Castiel as if they sensed the change in the air around Dean.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean snarled out. "Is this why you left Sam's soul in the cage to be tortured by fucking Lucifer! Is this why you broke the wall Death put in his head to keep that torture from destroying him! Is this why you let Lucifer out of the cage and made Sam live in the place that is his home, where he should have been safe in! Is this why you didn't want me to go after Sam when he was taken in the vampire cage? Because your jealous that Sam is the love of my life and my soulmate."

Dean took another dangerous step forward, "Sam, the one and only one that I would burn the world down for? Did you think Sam was out of the way that I would magically fall in love with you and forget all about him?"

Castiel could only stare at Dean.

"Answer me!" Dean roared reminding everyone that in the room he is the most dangerous.

"I...I..." Castiel couldn't find the words.

A dark chuckle escaped Dean's lips, "I think we need to clear up something here. The only reason you stayed after you betrayed and hurt us so many times is Sam cares about you and thinks of you like family." Something dark that always appeared when Sam was in danger uncoiled in Dean's chest. "Now me I kept you around as cannon folder."

The heartbreaking look on Castiel's face filled Dean with joy after how many times this angel had harmed his Sam it was time to let him know how he felt about him. "

"See when we first met you, you were a pain but I grew to care about you like family then I found out you left Sam's soul behind deliberately and I grew distrustful of you when you broke Sam's wall I was ready to leave you to rot in that physic ward both times it was Sam pleading with me to give you another chance. Then it came to me I have an angel that has made so many enemies that I can trade if need to ensure that Sam is safe. But like a cockroach, you kept coming back."

The look on Dean's face reminded Castiel of the time he was a Knight of Hell. Oh, they might have claimed he was a demon but he had been heading down the road to becoming the first Knight of Hell in centuries.

"But now I can finally be rid of you and sleep soundly with Sam in my arms after I fuck him through our mattress knowing that I am finally free of you." Dean waved his hand at the Empty, "Take him and say hi to Meg for me," Dean grinned as Castiel flinched at the reminder of the demon he had loved and who loved him and died for him. "You can take them now."

The Empty filled with glee at seeing and feeling the pain Castiel was going through began once engulfing the angel that had woken them up.

The last thing Castiel heard before nothingness was Dean's cheerful, "I'll be sure to tell Sam that you died saving him and Jack. I'll make sure they never know how you felt about them."

#wincest #anti destiel #not destiel friendly #sherri writes #my fics #destiew

[irrlicht-writes]

the path we choose to walk on pt.4

So this is it. Part 4, everyone. The last part! We made it to the end! Wooo! (now I have to focus on my bang again) Thank you for being with me. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Tell me what you thought! Tell me what you liked! Tell me what you hated! (be nice though) @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @cass-said-i-love-you @professorerudite @insertdeeplyrics anyone else want on the tag list?

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

Ao3

Part 4: let the good times roll

Sam and Eileen gift a painting set to Castiel one day. Dean isn’t sure why but they say it’s because he saved their baby. Later Cas admits to Dean that he barely remembers what happened.

As it turns out, Castiel sees the world vastly different than Dean. Dean’s no art critic, nor could he detect a masterpiece in the making but to him, Cas’ pieces feel alive. There is a certain aspect to them.

Castiel paints mostly with his fingers and the faces of the people are wonky at best but still, they stare right into Dean’s heart.

“They are dead,” Cas says, “but with this, they’re alive. There was a world people cannot understand today. You have changed so much in so little time and yet it remains – you will always look at the world with wonder in your eyes.”

 Charlie helps them sell Cas’ art online. They sell somewhat well and Dean thinks that Cas is happy that he gets to help. Cas had said that he would’ve like to take a real job, but Dean shut him down very quickly.

Nobody would want to hire Cas – first, Cas didn’t even properly exist. And second; there would be too many days where Cas would have to stay at home. Any employer would only allow so many sick days and Dean is afraid of sending Cas to a therapist.

Even though he knows that they all probably need one, how would you even start explaining?

“Yeah, roughly 15 years ago I set off with my brother to find our dad and now our son turned into God. Oh and also we picked up this literal angel as our best friend and all of us – our son concluded who by the way was fathered by Lucifer – have died several times and then we just kind of went going.”

Yeah. No.

Not to mention all the additional bullshit Castiel would have to unpack. Dean’s been in a mental constitution once; he doesn’t really have to go there again. And he certainly doesn’t want Cas to go there – also, again.

The bees are still on Dean’s mind. He doesn’t need a repeat of that.

And anyway, the paintings are selling. And in time, they might even be able to ask for more money. Dean doesn’t really hold out hope but who knows?

 Two years after Maria is born, Sam and Eileen get married. Dean knows that they’ve been discussing marriage for a long time and have never been able to decide whether it was for them or not. But then Eileen proposed and here they are.

“She asked me to accompany her with the ring shopping. I think she just wanted to use me for my fingers,” Cas says to Dean and Dean smirks.

“Do you think Jack’ll show up?”

“I don’t know. I’ve told him; and I’m sure he knows but whether or not he’ll actually show up... it would be good to see him again. But even if he can’t make it here, he’ll be watching over these two.”

They are about to begin the ceremony and Dean’s excited to be the Best Man. He’s never thought he’d get to be that for real so it feels like a dream. Maria’s supposed to be the Flower Girl but she hasn’t shown up yet.

“Cas,” Charlie rushes over to them. Cas blinks up at her, tilting his head.

“Maria doesn’t want to walk, she’s embarrassed. Do you think you can help her out?”

Maria has gotten overly attached to Cas in these past two years and Dean believes it’s just infatuation. After all, who could look into these big blue eyes and not fall for them? Dean, however, is a little bit upset over the fact that she likes Cas better than him. But he’ll just wait until Maria will appreciate cars. And that’s when Dean will win.

“Of course,” Cas replies, “come on, Miracle.”

Miracle has essentially become Castiel’s therapy dog. She follows him everywhere and makes sure he eats and drinks enough. She loves Cas to pieces and anyone who even looks at the angel wrong gets growled at.

Dean watches them walk away and gets his phone out. He knows that there is a photographer here that films things but he wants that piece for himself. And he has to go up there anyway, so he might just go now anyway.

It takes five more minutes before Cas was apparently able to convince Maria to come out – and even then, she’s getting carried. She’s holding the flower basket close to her chest and Cas encourages her to throw the petals down. Dean’s heart melts at the sight of them.

Cas stops next to the pew where Claire and Kaia are sitting and basically tells Maria to throw flowers on them. Claire laughs and playfully shoves Cas away from them. Jody and Donna are also getting petals thrown in their face. Everybody is smiling and Dean’s happy that he’s filming this.

Maria is giggling and throwing petals all over the place. “She was so stiff before,” Charlie whispers in his direction.

“She wasn’t even looking at me and now look at that. How is Cas’ gayness softer than mine?”

“You’re just intimidating.”

“Cas is an angel!”

 Eileen is beautiful when she walks down the aisle. Sam next to him exhales and has the biggest smile on his stupid face.

“Mama so pretty!” Maria proclaims loudly while clapping her hands.

“Yes, she is,” Cas replies a little quieter. He has her sitting on his lap and he has a flower in his hair. Apparently Maria was supposed to give that to her mom but she had decided that it was for Cas, so now he was wearing the flower. It does fit him, Dean thinks.

The ceremony itself goes over without a hitch even though Sam almost breaks down crying twice. Dean was expecting more, if he’s honest. Maybe Sammy practised with Cas – apparently Cas is the solution to every problem.

Later, at the party, Dean holds an embarrassing speech about Sam and after, Sam dunks his head into a pie. This is fair, because Dean definitely deserves that. It’s all good, though. Cas laughs and wipes Dean’s face clean and Maria – still in Cas’ lap – giggles like it’s Christmas.

Dean dances with Eileen and Sam dances with Cas and Maria. Charlie’s taking pictures and Dean loves it. Cas can’t dance for very long and he leans heavily onto Sam but he tries his best for Sam and Maria both.

Dean loves him.

And someday, he’ll man up enough to actually say these words. He just needs a little bit longer. And Cas is here to stay. Dean’ll work up the courage he needs and then it’ll be alright.

 Charlie is dancing with Maria and Eileen is sitting next to Cas. She’s taken her shoes off and is likely complaining to the angel that her feet hurt. Cas is holding the wedding bouquet now and Dean knows that Eileen will insist he keep it.

“I wish she would’ve thrown it,” Claire says and Dean wiggles his eyebrows.

“You were hoping to catch it, weren’t you?”

“Shut up.”

 At the end, Jack didn’t show. The party had ended a while ago, but Dean and Castiel are still sitting on a bench outside. It’s a nice night, and Dean doesn’t want to drive home yet. There are no clouds in the sky and the stars are shining bright. Dean reckons that that’s Jack’s doing. He still wishes he would’ve shown his face.

“Don’t be mad at him,” Castiel says while leaning on Dean’s shoulder. “You know he doesn’t do that well with a lot of people.”

Yes. That is true but still – he hadn’t even come to congratulate Sam? He also still hadn’t come to meet Maria yet. Dean wonders what work a God has to do. Didn’t Jack say he wanted to be hands off?

“Don’t you miss him?” Dean asks.

“Every day,” Castiel replies.

Castiel raises a hand towards the sky and Dean sees a shooting star. But the star stops after it passes Cas’ hand.

Castiel retracts his hand and there’s a golden orb floating above his palm.

“What’s that?”

It glows brightly and it’s almost too much for Dean to look at. It compels him in the same way it tells him to stay away from it. Where did it come from? Why is it here? What’s it going to do?

“Divinity,” Castiel quietly replies and closes his hand, making the orb disappear.

 *

 “Dean, really?”

Dean sighs. He knew it was a mistake to talk to Sam about this. But he knows that Charlie would’ve squealed in his ear and honestly, Claire is still a bit too young for this to talk about it. And yeah sure, Eileen would’ve been an option but even after all this time, Dean still hasn’t improved on his signing skills.

“I know it’s stupid.”

“I didn’t say that. But have you even choked up an I love you?”

Dean is quiet.

“Oh my god, I knew it. Dean, you can’t just propose like that!”

“...shut up.”

He pockets the box inside his jacket. He doesn’t want to propose right now anyway. It’s more like a promise to himself, that one day he might be worthy of this. If – when he’ll find the words one day, he’ll be good enough for Cas. He can be.

He will be.

For Cas, the best thing that ever happened to him.

For Cas, who still thinks he’s barely tolerated.

For Cas, who sees the world as more than it is.

For Cas, who loves so much and has never been loved in return.

 Their first kiss doesn’t quite happen as Dean would’ve imagined it – not that he had ever been imagining it in the first place.

Cas is watching Dancing With The Stars and he’s really fascinated. Apparently, he’s never danced before. Dean’s never told him about Garth and Bess dancing in front of the window. He wonders how they’re doing now. Maybe they’re dancing right at this moment, while Sam and Castiel are finally asleep?

“Dean, please?” Castiel’s blue eyes are pleading and Dean has a hard time saying no. Cas always asks for so little and Dean’s always liked dancing when he got a chance to do it – which sadly is not often. So he sighs and stands up from the couch, offering his hand up to Cas.

“Might I have this dance, milady?”

Cas blinks at him in question, and then looks at the outstretched hand. At last, there’s a smile stealing itself across Castiel’s face and he gently takes Dean’s hand and hauls himself up.

“Of course, my lord.”

Dean chuckles and pulls Cas flush against him. It’s been a while since they were this close together without one of them on literal death’s door. Cas is alive and warm under his hands and Dean starts swaying. He’s never danced a real dance, much less so with another man. But it’s not like Cas could dance at all, so it’s okay. And besides – it’s not about the skill, it’s about the experience. And Cas –

Cas is laughing. It’s a happy laugh and he enjoys himself. It’s truly a sight to see. It’s rare to see Cas so relaxed and Dean feels more than privileged to witness this much less be the cause of it. Dean swirls Cas on the spot and as the swirl ends, Cas stumbles forward against Dean’s chest. Dean holds him tight and it’s a good feeling.

Cas’ hair is brushing against Dean’s chin and he feels calm. He gently puts one hand on Castiel’s cheek and Cas nuzzles into it. Castiel’s hand is loosely laying on Dean’s chest and the volume of the TV playing in the background is already fading away.

Dean’s in love.

He’s in love with Castiel.

He gently directs Castiel’s face upwards and looks at the big, blue, blinking eyes.

He doesn’t understand how he got to be so lucky.

Dean bends down, just a little, and ever so gently presses his lips against Castiel’s mouth.

It’s a quiet kiss, one that doesn’t require anything.

“Dean,” is all that Cas says afterwards but Dean quietly hushes him.

“Shh,” he replies and kisses him again.

It’s easier than anything else he’s ever done.

He doesn’t remember why he was ever afraid of this.

This, right here, is where he’s meant to be.

With the TV running in the background, in his shitty apartment, in worn-out clothes, with a dog sleeping in her bed, kissing Castiel.

Sometimes things are just easy.

Dean holds Castiel tight and thankfully, Castiel doesn’t speak.

It’s the most comforting silence and Dean cherishes it.

He’s in love.

 *

 It’s a soft thing, after. Nothing changes and yet, so much is different.

He kisses Cas in the morning before he goes to work; in the afternoon when he returns; when they make dinner; when they watch TV.

It’s the easiest thing in the world.

And yet, Dean knows that Cas wonders.

I know you don’t love me.

But Dean does. He just can’t say it. If he did, then – then what would John say? Dad would judge him for this. Dad would call him a girl; and a fairy; and tell Dean that Dad hadn’t raised a gay son.

 He’s still thinking about this in bed. Next to him, Cas is fast asleep, holding onto Dean’s arm. Miracle is snoring in her own doggy bed.

“I love Cas,” Dean says toneless into the dark room and is instantly overcome by anxiety. Somehow, even after all these years, he expects John to bust through the door and expose him and nail him to the cross or something.

He turns to his side and looks at Cas. The angel looks so relaxed in his sleep and Dean gently pats his hair. Cas mumbles a bit and burrows closer to Dean as if to seek warmth. Dean puts his free arm around him and pulls him as close as possible, tucking the angel under his chin.

He doesn’t know what to do. Cas deserves to be told. But whenever Dean thinks it might be the right time for it – then there’s John standing in the distance, observing and judging him. Dean knows he just has to do it, that he just has to push through. Dad is dead and nothing can happen anymore. But this fear is far too ingrained inside his brain. Maybe writing a letter would help? But somehow it doesn’t feel like enough.

Dean needs to say it.

He has to say it.

But he can’t.

He can’t.

For all his bravery, for all his courage – he can’t.

 “A bird learns to fly when it falls.”

Cas is not in bed when Dean wakes up.

“Water will whittle away the mountain.”

Cas is nowhere to be found inside the apartment. Miracle is quiet.

“A flower will break through the concrete.”

Dean panics. In his panic, he runs outside.

“Long after its death, a star will remain in the sky.”

 Outside it’s foggy.

But there is Cas.

Cas is standing outside, barefooted, and Dean is rooted to the spot.

There are golden orbs floating around Castiel.

Divinity, Cas had called them.

“Cas,” Dean breathes and the angel turns around.

“Hello, Dean.”

 “What are those?”

“I’ve told you. Divinity.”

“Yes, I know, but what are they?”

“A burden shared is a burden lifted. Ever since I woke all the way back before time existed, a great many stars have died. And still, some remain in the sky. Did you never wonder where they go?

Their physical form shall burn from velocity, but what about the stars? What about them? Who catches them? Where do they go? Shall they forever be lost in space?

I was lost too, you know. I was lost ever since the start. Sometimes I think I remember. Sometimes I think I remember an all consuming light in the dark. Sometimes I think I remember the beginning before it ever began. Sometimes I think I remember the void, the naught.

And then, just as quickly, I lose it again.

Why did Father abandon us?

Why did He create so many of us, if none of us mattered?

Come with us, the stars whispered to me, we have no answers but mayhap we shall find them.

Why did the stars exist, if only to die? I didn’t want them to be lost and so I collected them. I found them in the void and I took them with me for I thought I might find a purpose within them. And in time, they started finding me. I became their haven, their destination.

But still, I was lost. Each time a star would find me, I think I can see the light in the void again, the end after the end. But soon these memories are gone, too, and I can only hold on to scraps. And I wonder.

What if I don’t remember at all? What if what I see are just fragments from the stars, showing me what they saw in their last moments?

Dean, you must know: time is not linear. What happens before will happen after. The end happens before the start and sometimes the beginning happens in the middle. This time, this life is just one stream amongst them all.

Some stars tell me of the end; and others tell me of the start. Maybe some tell me of the middle. And maybe some tell me of all, and all I get is the light in the void at the start.

I’ve wondered.

Why am I broken?

Why am I, of all the angels, the only one that’s cracked?

What went wrong?

Why was it only ever me? Why wasn’t perfect like the others? Why weren’t others cracked as I was?

Why was I the only one that’s ever looked to the stars and collected them?

What if Father never made me?

What if – what if I was created by something else?

And if so, what was it? And why? And why did Father allow me to continue existing? Did He perhaps just not notice? Did He perhaps just not care? Did He perhaps just think me merely another insignificant angel that He needn’t pay attention to?

What broke the connection?

Why am I the only angel to love you?

Was I whole before, perhaps, but if that was so – what shattered me? What put me back together? Where did the missing pieces go?

The light I remember in the naught – what is it? Where does it come from? Why does it matter at all, why do I care if it lights up the void or not?

Why do I cling to a light that does not matter?

I –

I’m lost, Dean.

Amidst the stars, I am lost.

From here on out, where do I go?”

 Dean reaches out.

Castiel is standing there all alone, surrounded by what remains of the stars – surrounded by divinity.

He takes Castiel’s hand.

“Go with me,” he says.

“I love you,” he says.

Amidst the stars, Castiel smiles.

Dean thinks he can see the light that Castiel spoke about.

It’s a soft, shining light and it’s free.

 *

 “I don’t know if I can.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a big thing, Cas, you know? What if I fail?”

“Then we’ll fail together.”

 Dean buys a corner lot. It’s very expensive. But he has a dream. He doesn’t want to work construction forever. He deserves to be happy. And Cas is here. Cas is here, and Sam is here, and Eileen is here – and everyone is here.

He’s not alone and he can rely on all these people. They want to help him; they want him to be happy. He can do this. For the first time in his life, he can do something solely for himself.

For the first time in his life, he doesn’t have to depend only on himself.

 *

 Sam hoists Maria out of the car seat. He wants to go and help Eileen out of the car but if he did, she’d kick him in the shin.

“Are there no balloons?” Maria wants to know. Sam looks up. True, there are no balloons outside.

“I’m sure Uncle Dean’s got some inside, sweetheart.”

Maria grins from ear to ear and hugs her monkey toy harder. Cas had given it to her just a few years ago. It hadn’t even been her birthday; he had just wanted to give something to his niece. Sam is glad that they get along so well. But sometimes he debates: should they tell her that Cas is an angel? It’s not a problem right now, but he and Dean and Eileen will start aging one day while Cas will not.

But, ah well, it might be best to cross that bridge when they’d get there.

“Hunter’s Rest is a nice name,” Eileen says when she finally steps next to Sam. Sam just nods. It’s true. Sam had kept suggesting Roadhouse, in Ellen’s and Ash’s and Jo’s legacy but Dean had always refused. Dean hadn’t wanted to be a copy-cat of what they’ve been.

Dean wants something that’s his own.

And Sam couldn’t be happier for him.

It was a long road, getting here, and even now he could scarcely believe it.

But the Hunter’s Rest is officially opening today.

He smiles at Eileen, takes both his girl’s hands and enters Dean’s bar.

 “Uncle Dean!”

Maria yells as soon as she spots her uncle and throws herself at his middle from across the room. Dean laughs and catches her. He lifts her up and holds her on his hip.

“How’s my favourite tornado?”

She giggles and hugs him tight.

“Where’s Uncle Cas?”

“He’s still in the back, sweetheart. Be nice to him today, okay? It’s not a good day. But I know he’ll be happy to see you, so why don’t you go say hello?”

Maria nods with a solemn expression on her face. She knows about Uncle Cas’ bad days. She shouldn’t be too loud on these and she has to understand that he might not want to play as much with her. She loves Uncle Cas. She wouldn’t tell this to anyone because she knows Uncle Dean would be upset, but Uncle Cas is her favourite. There’s a glow about him that she can’t explain to anyone, but it draws her to him.

Uncle Dean puts her on the ground and she goes to find Uncle Cas. When she finds him, he smiles at her. He looks tired and sick, but he glows so brightly today.

“Hello, Maria,” he greets her.

She steps closer and climbs into his lap.

“I love you,” she says and Uncle Cas hugs her tight.

 “Looks good, Dean,” Sam says to Dean in the meantime. Dean grins and pulls his brother close. He nods at Eileen who waves back.

“How are we coming along?” he asks her and she rubs her stomach.

“Good,” she replies, “the doctor says it’s two.”

“Two, huh? Man, Sammy, you dog!”

Sam laughs and Dean slaps him on the shoulder.

“Maria was really hoping for some balloons,” Sam says and Dean shrugs.

“I have some in the back, but I don’t know if I should hang them up. It’s gonna be a few hours still until official opening, you know?”

“Are Charlie and Stevie coming?”

“Yeah, Charlie’s gonna help me set up the music. The others are coming too, but Donna can’t make it. Some important thing came up but she’s gonna drop by in the coming days.”

Sam nods.

“There should be balloons,” Eileen pipes up and Dean sighs deeply.

“Fine,” he says then, “but y’all are helping me with that. I ain’t the only one blowing these things up.”

“I overheard,” Cas says as he’s rolling out of the back in his wheelchair. On his lap, there are Maria and a big load of balloons.

Dean sighs. “Why am I being set up?”

Castiel smiles at Dean. “Because balloons make everything better. We should’ve gotten glitter, too, you know? We’ll help, Dean.”

 “Bad day, huh?” Sam asks him while they are placing the balloons. Dean nods.

“Last couple days actually. Yesterday was the worst; he wouldn’t even get out of bed. The day before that, he spent almost all day puking into the toilet. But he’s getting better now, I think. It’s just – I know that he’s sick. I know that these days happen and that they’ll happen again, it just – it just fucking scares me, y’know? Knowing that there’s nothing I can do, no spell to find to cure him or anything – it just makes me feel so helpless.”

Sam puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Dean, you’re doing great. What you’re going through – what you both are going through – is extremely stressful. I can’t even imagine. I can’t imagine all the hurdles you had to go through to get here. How scary it has to be to wake at night and see Cas being sick again. I’m proud of you, Dean. I really am. You’re holding it together so well and if – if you ever have to break, I’m here for you. We’re all here for you. You’re not alone. You’re never alone, Dean.”

Dean huffs out a laugh and turns to hug his brother.

It’s true.

Their lone journey is over.

They started with just the two of them.

But they’re never going to be alone again.

 *

 “I love you,” Dean whispers into dark hair.

“I don’t know when I fell in love. I don’t know when I realised. But I love you. I love all of you.

We’ve endured a great many things, you and I. We fell and rose together, we burned and crashed together. And in all this time, you weren’t even supposed to be there. But you were. You fought and clawed your way back to me every single time, and I’ve never even said thank you. I never once appreciated all the pain and misery you had to endure just to get back to me.

No matter what, you were there. You were there for me and Sam when nobody else was. You stayed by your side since the very beginning and you overturned everything you believed in because you started to believe in me. You had faith in me, the man without faith. And through you – you became my faith. I believed in nothing, I had faith in nothing – except you. I had faith in you. When you were gone, so was my faith gone. And when you returned, you brought it back with you.

When we met, you told me that good things do happen.

For so long, I didn’t believe you. But you were right. And know what? That good thing that would happen to me was right in front of me. And we didn’t know. Neither of us knew. Who could’ve imagined?

A man afraid of flying and an angel afraid of falling.

We really did meet in the middle, huh?

I’m sorry, Cas. I never did right by you. All your life you thought you were wrong because you weren’t like the others. You always believed that you needed to atone for your sins someway. And I – I didn’t help you. I made you think that you were expendable, that you weren’t worth anything. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, because I was wrong.

You’re worth everything. You matter so much, Cas – to me, to Sam, to the world. I’m sorry that all of us have fallen short. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make it up to you for all eternity, because I love you. If you’ll have me for whatever reason, then I’m yours. And I’m never going to let go. If I lose you, I will stop at nothing to find you again.

It’s you and me. Now and forever.”

“Look for the light,” Castiel whispers into the darkness.

“Look for the light and you’ll always find me there.”

 *

 At the end of a long, long life, Dean opens his eyes.

Above him, there’s nothing but endless stretches of blue sky.

Dean sits up and looks around.

He’s in an onion field and he stands up.

He turns to the side and sees him there.

 There’s a trench-coat angel standing in the onion field, surrounded by the golden orbs of stars.

The wings behind him are magnificent and have the colour of a rainbow.

 Dean starts approaching him.

Behind the angel, there is a massive tree.

 “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.”

#supernatural #Destiel #castiel #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #eileen leahy #writing #spn fix it #spn 15x20 #fanfiction #hurt #hurt/comfort #dean x castiel #userpris

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e13 family feud (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

made me laugh in the recap that when prince of hell dude says he doesn't care that "lucifer has a bun in the oven" they cut to the lady with said oven and bun, clarify we're not dealing with a pregnant lucifer situation

still not sure what they're angling at with this whole mary working with the bad british mol people and continuing to lie about it. how very sam and ruby. hope she's not banging mr ketchup

so glad pellegrino is back for lucifer! though keeping my expectations low because i didn't like the plotlines they were working with him with the other actors. maybe his creeping dread charisma can make it work

CROWLEY I managed to pervert that spell. So your essence wasn't sent back to the cage, but instead, we found your discarded vessel a few years ago…repaired it, improved it, making it a fitting final home for the real you.

haha woohoo for me specifically! handwave some reasons we could get mark back

LUCIFER Thanks? I mean, all that effort. So you could've had me back in the cage, but no, you needed your sad, little revenge. How do you think this is going to end? Nice new digs, by the way. Cozy.

it's like a combination of delivery and his look and how he uses his face. it's just *chef's kiss*

DEAN I don't know, I just – I feel like something's going on with her, and she ain't talkin' about it. SAM Mom's hunting again. That's a grind. You know that. She just needs a little time, Dean. That's all.

potentially bad times once the cat's out of the bag. sammy givin her the benefit of the doubt

DEAN So, if you find him, we actually do have something that you'll like. Like, really like. ROWENA Who is this eyewitness?

LOL sam and dean are very excited to tell her. (also vaguely looks like they're propositioning her together and everyone is down). they're all jonesing to metaphorically dickpunch crowley

think i blanked out almost all memory of the episode with crowley's son. all i can remember is rowena's son that she had to kill

s12e13 / s12e8

looks like no more bentley badge

very pretty

MR. KETCH Really? Or is that just what you want to believe? You're different when you talk to them. Softer. Weaker. Not an insult, just an observation. But when you hunt, Mary… you're one of the best I've ever seen. Now you might play at being the good mummy, but when you're in the thick of it, nothing but a blade in your hand and blood in the air, that's the real you, the best you. And I think you know it. And I think that scares the hell out of you.

mr ketchup definitely doesn't have any ulterior motives

(do they call dogan a princess of hell?)

GAVIN I…was thinking the same thing. I loved her. She loved me. That's the only reason any of this happened. I can spare her the nightmare she's trapped in. I cannae say I ever fit here. Here, I'm alone. Fiona and me, we'll spend eternity together.

reminds me of someone else we know... blonde, gorgeous, dodging advances from condiments

CROWLEY Just 'cause Dim and Dimmer here can't keep their own family all in the same dimension, doesn't mean they can mess with mine!

LOL harsh but fair

they're playing some sad music like we're supposed to be upset or something about crowley being forced to let his son go but like. you're gonna need to do better than some C plotline from some other season never to be spoken of again except for when we wanted to add some (dubious) stakes and recurring characters into our monster of the week

welp. i'm glad this is out in the open.

the dean not being surprised and immediately shutting down, sam trying to calmly explain why he think it isn't okay. oof. 💔 saving lots of people yes, mary, good! working with the organization that brutally physically and mentally tortured sam and dean and were going to kill them, really not good! irritating because i really want to like mary and this is a stupid plot conflict they plopped her in.

i think this is the mushy music variation (at the very end of this clip)?? that was used when mary was watching a family at some outdoor thing while cas got coffee in 12x1 - but no. it's another variation on the mushy music

ROWENA It was the right thing. Maybe for Gavin, certainly for me. It allowed me to watch you suffer the loss of a child. CROWLEY Payback. ROWENA I'm your mother, dear. Who better to crush your shriveled heart?

quite sure crowley would have known that's why she did it, but thanks for the explainer, show :p (also something very funny to me about rowena using a thermos for her hot beverage)

nice music+scene selection (rolling stones too, fancy) feel like i've been transformed into some lucifer stan suddenly. so hyped to have mark back lol. not even mad that crowley made really bad choices keeping him topside :p that is impressive

i do like that they're showing us that they're still arguing about it offscreen-ish

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 12x13 #spn clip #spn mushy music variation #spn musical score #brad buckner #eugenie ross leming #jay gruska

[1337wtfomgbbq]

I gotta rant for a second here. I hate this app. Okay maybe not this whole app, more the people on here. Specifically the people in the supernatural community. Yes talking to you. I can’t believe I’m even back into this with you guys.

I know people can pick and chose which characters they like and which they dislike. I know, for some trauma and whathaveyou also plays into what they feel towards a character.

But I am just so mad. I’m on a little bit of a rewatch, as you are, of season 1 to 3 (maybe some episodes of 4 and 5) because those are the only good seasons, and I just wanna look at some posts of my favorite character.

But my favorite character happens to be John.

TLDR: John's character is complex as fuck and people like to oversimplify and villify him, for no reason other than „BuT My DaAAadYY WaS ShiTTy!!!!“

And I get it. People on here disregard season 1-3, even the writers disregarded what JDM wanted John to be: “I don’t think he’s as screwed-up as other people do,” Morgan told EW. “I think he is a guy who’s got a tremendous amount of love for his family. He was willing to die for his sons, willing to put himself in a place to where he could lose his life for revenge on what killed his wife. So as much has been said about John or that I’ve heard about John, I think what is missing is that he shows love in different ways. Maybe he wasn’t a big hugger and he didn’t say the right things when he should’ve — and there’s a bigger picture about getting your kids into hunting ghosts that I should acknowledge — but I think at his core he really loved his family and was willing to sacrifice everything. So I never looked or played John in a way that there was any malice toward his sons.”

People project what went wrong in their lifes and with their fathers on this app SO HARD. To be fair they do that everywhere. But it's so infuriating when it's done to a character you love so much.

And as much as I wanna be understanding I am just so pissed.

Hear me out: Back when I first started watching supernatural (I was fucking 12 back then, can you believe that) and my friend was all „OMG Sam is such a treat. He's mine!“ I thought, okay I'm gonna take Dean then.

The coin finally dropped on me in 'Shadow' and I realized „Heck, screw Dean, I'm taking John!“ (Not that I told my friend that, LOL. I hadn't realized just then that I prefer older guys)

And attraction is one thing, but the character spoke to me on such a deep level too. I mean, you got a dude whos wife died in a way that he cannot explain in a rational way, only to have his eyes opened to the supernatural by Missouri. And it turns out whatever killed his wife also did some fucked up shit to his kid and is after, not only his youngest but, all of them.

So he's forced to take his kids on the run. But, he's also an ex-marine, he's a soldier and he can't leave other people to die at the hands and claws and teeth of monsters and ghosts and strigas and whathaveyou. Which leaves him struggling to ballance protecting and caring for his kids and saving people and hunting things, AND finding the thing that killed his wife.

The way John's situation was set up (ignoring for a second what we learn in later seasons) and the way Sam was brought up by him created a relationship that was bound to escalate; it was only a matter of time.

Season 1 to 3 we got a John that was distant and rough, but a John that recognized he fucked up along the way and who saught to rectify where he went wrong with his boys.

Season 1 episode 20: „You gotta understand something. After your mother passed all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you...prepared. Ready. Except somewhere along the line I ... uh ... I stopped being your father and I ... I became your, your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Sammy, it just... it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me -- We're just different.“

And guess what, Sam admits seconds later: „We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess... Well we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone.“

Season 1 episode 21: „I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.“

John literally on the show in person, Jeffrey Dean Morgan Season 1, admits that he didn't want ANYTHING OF WHAT HAPPENED, AND WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO HAPPEN!!!!

Sure, Sam suggested to Dean that John's just „working overtime on Miller Time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later“ in the very first episode but we never see John drink alcohol, for all he's on screen in season one, ONCE. (1x1) Suggesting that John did have a drinking problem but somewhere between Sam going off to college and the pilot he kicked that habit.

Sure, Sam is clearly vindictive BUT, when faced with a kid with a clearly abusive father, he also says that, „Well, it coulda gone a whole other way after Mom. A little more tequila and a little less demon hunting and we coulda had Max' childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay. Thanks to him.“ (1x14)

We see him cry on multible occasions in season one and two, we see him hug both Sam and Dean and tell BOTH OF THEM that he is proud of them. Heck, he couldn't shut up about how proud he was of them. Like Jerry told Sam in 1x4 „Well, he was real proud of you. I could tell, He talked about you all the time.“ He kept Sam's soccer trophie, and Dean's first sawed off. He fucking died to safe Dean.

Yeah, he told Dean that he'd have to kill Sam if he goes evil but...

Let's take into consideration season 4 and 5, and John wasn't all too wrong for telling Dean this. Even if we ignore all that, as John probably didn't have the full picture, John didn't knew the extend of Sam's powers. As is always said, „With great power comes great responsibility“. We have seen in comics, shows, movies, all over pop culture and history, how easily great power can corrupt, don't matter how nice and righteous that person is.

Let's take into consideration what was added in season 4 and 5: Like John having another family, the fact that cupid had to get him and Mary together, Mary making a deal with Azazel, the few demons (not even all of them) Lucifer showed Sam who had been put into his life by yellow eyes; even that just adds more credence to the already established character.

Of course John was bound to have flings after Mary, you can't expect a widower to just be celibate forever. And it wasn't even that he bailed on her, he literally didn't know there was a child until twelve years later.

And considering John's erratic 'work schedule' and how little we know of Kate, maybe it was her that wanted John not to have much contact to her son. The whole situation with Adam isn't exactly clear, and told through the eyes of a ghoul. Plus, we all saw where John's decision to leave Adam in the dark about the supernatural had him end up (namely killed by a ghoul).

The fact that cupid had to get John and Mary together only gives more ammunition for my argument that John was only working with what was given to him. Pretty much everyone from hell to heaven was meddling in his life.

Getting ahead with headcanons here but, for all we know John and Mary would've never ended up together; for all we know Mary was a lesbian and John was bi; for all we know they could've still worked out without cupid's help. Who knows? We don't because heaven took that decision away from both John and Mary.

The fact that Mary made a deal with Azazel to safe John's life in exchange for Azazel to be able to enter her home in ten years time, again, caused something to happen down the line that affected John and the boys that John had no control over.

And I gotta thank Lucifer for his part, because it gives EVEN MORE credence as to why John couldn't give Dean and Sam a normal life. He reveals SOME of the people Azazel planted into Sam's life that were actually possessed by demons.

„LUCIFER: Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you? SAM: That's Mr. Bensman... One of my grade-school teachers. LUCIFER: And that's your friend Doug from that time in East Lansing. And Rachel... your prom date. Sam Winchester, this is your life. Azazel's gang – watching you since you were a rugrat, jerking you around like a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about them. Me too. So, what do you say you and I blow off a little steam?“ (5x22)

A few episodes earlier we found out that his friend Brady, the one that introduced him to Jess, was actually possessed by a demon, and the one that fucking killed her.

„BRADY (chuckles): Brady hasn't been Brady in years. Not since, oh... middle of our sophomore year?

SAM: What?

BRADY: That's right. You had a devil on your shoulder even back then. All right, now, let it all sink in.

SAM: You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch! (Sam approaches Brady, Dean holds him back) You introduced me to Jess!

BRADY: Ding, ding! I think he's got it!“ (5x20)

All of this paints a clear picture for me, of a man that got played by fate and heaven and hell and was only trying to play the cards all of them dealt him to the best of his ability. Did he fuck up along the way, yes, did he show remorse for that and did he wish he could've given Sam and Dean a better life, Yes.

I completely understand people liking one character and disliking another, even projecting onto characters I get. And I get that people's life experiances lead them to different conclusions.

But it pisses me off so much that I can't go into the 'John Winchester' tag without having to read some shit as fuck take on John.

I have to read people saying that he never told Dean he was proud of him and that the only time he did so he was possessed by Azazel. Which isn't even true, but a motherfucking lie.

Season 2, episode 1; when John WASN'T POSSESSED ANYMORE he said to Dean: „You know, when you were a kid... I'd come home from a hunt. And after what I'd seen... I'd be wrecked. And you... You'd come up to me... you'd put your hand on my shoulder, and you'd look me in the eye. You'd say, "It's okay, Dad." Dean. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to say that to me. I should've been saying that to you. You know, I put... I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sam, and you took care of me. You did that. And you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know... that I am so proud of you.“

I have to read people forget or disregard that John was literally a righteous man. Alastair tried to break John and John didn't break for a century and then clawed his way OUT OF HELL TO SAFE HIS SONS IN 2x22. John must've had righteousness in heaven (which would come through faith in Jesus) and righteousness on earth (which would come through living through the commandments) as long as that's what the writers meant with 'righteous man'.

I have to read stuff John would apparently do only because we learn in 'Dark side of the Moon' that John and Mary's marriage wasn't all sunshine and rainbows and that John even moved out for a period. Even though we don't know who caused that fight and what it was about, literally it could've been Mary's fault and John only left to cool off. And even if not, marriages aren't just sunshines and rainbows. Fights happen, bad stuff is worked out. That would be true even without the cupid spell.

I have to read someone projecting their experiance with their father onto John. I have to read about someone saying John would've been such a dick because he was in the military and fought in the vietnam war, and we all know that's what all sodiers back then were (dicks). I have to read about how homophobic and transphobic John obviously was. I have to read about how much John would've been racist to Sam and Dean if they'd been mixed.

John was born in 1954, he has to be homophobic and transphobic and racist and bigoted and everthing you can think of. It can't be possible for someone to be born during that time and not be, right. (I hope you recognize the sarcasm)

Everybody is screaming 'child abuse' as loud as they can without taking into account the unique world those characters inhabit and the situation fate, heaven and hell put John and the boys into.

Dean could dig himself out of his grave because John used to bury them alive and had them dig their way out of a coffin as training!!!? Are yall good?? Literally what did your parents do to you, what went wront in your life that you think shit like this?!

And I get it, you can headcanon all you want. I myself headcanon John as bi and that Azazel knew and used this fact.

The writers did John so dirty in later seasons, and I'm not even alone in this, JDM agrees with me.

„But it always bugged me that the John that I played is different than the John that has been portrayed since I haven't been around. I really wanted the opportunity to be able to come back and make amends in a way and try to fix the sullied name of this character. But more than that, it's three friends, life lived. It feels like we've been friends for a lifetime now, getting to reunite in a place that we love and that we met and do what we do and I think that is super cool. So not only does John win in getting to come back and see his boys and Mary again and hopefully make some amends, it's just as cool for me, the actor, to be able to come back and see everybody.“

I'm sorry, but if Snape fans are allowed to be pissed about people suggesting Snape would've been creeping on Harry if he had been female and looked like Lilly, I can be pissed about everybody and their grandma in this fucking fandom painting John in the worst light possible.

JDM created such a great character with depth and who was interesting, even in season 4 and 5 they were still respectfull to his character, but the later seasons were just *throws up *

And I mean, I get it, I disregard canon too. Like, I disregard everything after season 5, that's Sam hallucinating in hell to me. Sometimes even after season 3, cause I don't feel like dealing with the angels, and cas and destiel and all that.

I get it, I get it, I get it.

But I too have the right to be pissed off about the way people like to shit on my fav.

Long story short, I love John and how complex and grey his character is and I HATE IT how simple and 'black and white' people wanna make him out to be. I wanna punch a bitch. I wanna throw hands right now.

#supernatural #spn #john winchester #john winchester defense #john winchester defense squad #I am heated #I literally wanna throw hands right now #I wanna be understanding of you guys #but yall are *tears at hair * #I don't get yall

[atc74]

Soul to Souls - One

Square(s) Filled: None for this chapter

Warnings: Mentions of death, wolf hunt, Sassy OC, Guilt Ridden!Dean, so many more to come

Summary: Since she was four years old, Annaleigh has seen the same boy in her dreams. For twenty-five years, she grows to love the boy that has now turned into a man. Dean Winchester just lost the only family he has ever known. The guilt drives him to work harder than ever before. He works to forget the pain, until he meets Annaleigh and she turns his world upside down. What she learns changes both of their lives forever, but what will he do when he discovers the truth? Will he accept it or run back to the only life he has ever known?

Pairing: Dean x  OC Annaleigh (evenutally)

Word Count: 1974

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​, @katehuntington, thank you both for being my guides! Dividers by the amazingly talented @talesmaniac89​.

A/N: This was my very first series I ever wrote four years ago in September 2016 and I am so happy and proud to bring this back home. 

Like Dean’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

There are things that go bump in the night. Monsters, demons and the like. This isn’t about human monsters or the fact that we all have our demons. No, this is about real monsters. Vampires, werewolves, black-eyed bastards; things you have nightmares about. If your kid says there is something in his closet, don’t go look. Grab your family and run.

Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam, hunt the non-human monsters of the world. They were raised to be hunters. Their mother was killed by a demon when Dean was only four. Sammy was still a baby, six months old at the time. That night, their dad packed up and moved the family from town to town, doing his best to eradicate the evils that plague our planet. Heaven and Hell, angels and demons, God and Lucifer; it’s all real. 

Since the age of four, the constant moving and fighting evil was the only life Dean can remember and the only life Sammy has ever known. This isn’t just what they do, it is who they are. 

Their dad was killed by a demon about four years ago, when he made a deal to save his eldest son's life. That was the turning point for Dean; he finally understood his father’s need for vengeance, for justice. It had just been Sam and Dean ever since. The only family they had left was Bobby Singer - hunter, lore expert and surrogate father - to keep them on the not so straight and narrow path through this life. 

It had been just the two of them, until Sam inadvertently started the Apocalypse and ended up in Hell, in the cage with the Devil himself. Now, Dean was flying solo, feeling like he was losing his way. Dean chastised himself for not doing more; not being able to save his brother. Everything was written in the Heavens many millennia ago. Dean didn’t know that there was nothing he could have done to save his brother. 

Dean spent days, nights, weeks on the road; for months he drove. He followed one hunt after another, never stopping. Wherever Bobby needed him or whatever he could find on his own, he went there to keep busy. It didn’t matter how big or small the threat; Dean took it without question. He needed it. He needed the action, the danger, the adrenaline. Anything to keep his mind off Sammy. Anything.  

Ever since Sammy was taken from him, Dean had felt empty inside. The adrenaline of the hunt felt good for a moment, until he finished and remembered he was all alone once more. He wished he couldn’t feel anything, well, most of the time anyway. Until he met her. That was three months ago.

Bobby had asked Dean to look into a possible werewolf case on his way back from another hunt, so there he was in a sleepy little podunk town in Idaho. The view wasn’t bad, but he really wanted out of there as quickly as the hunt would allow. He checked into a run-down motel and quickly went in search of food, beer, whiskey, and pie, not necessarily in that order. He could already smell the rain permeating the mountain air. He just hoped it held out long enough. 

Not far from the motel, he found a bar with only a few cars in the lot. Walking through the front door, he noticed three guys shoulder to shoulder watching something mindless on the bar television. One bartender, one waitress. Easy, Dean thought to himself, as he slid into the corner booth where he could keep an eye on both entrances.  

The waitress approached his table. She was short, cute, and curvy. She had a nice smile, the bluest eyes he had ever seen, and straight red hair, up to her chin. Dean looked away quickly before her eyes met his. 

“What can I get you?” she asked, not too sweetly, just a little bit of an edge to her voice, like she had had enough tonight.

“Whiskey, neat. Beer, bacon cheeseburger, fries,” he replied without looking up.

Without a word, she walked away. She returned soon enough with the whiskey and a bottle of beer, setting them down sharply on the table. “Sorry,” she mumbled and turned to walk back to the bar. 

Dean sat in the booth, scrolling through his phone while he waited for his meal, looking at pictures he had of his little brother. He didn’t need this down time, thinking about Sammy rotting in Hell. It was a new form of torture, one he was a little too intimately familiar with. 

A chuckle escaped Dean’s lips when he saw the picture he had snapped of the drool hanging out of Sam’s mouth during a case in Utah. Dean kept scrolling through the pictures, landing on one he didn’t remember. He was standing next to Baby, his pride and joy, a 1967 jet black Chevrolet Impala, with Sam by his side, both of them with a cold beer in their hands. Sam was laughing at something without a doubt hilarious that Dean had said. When was this taken? He thought. Then it hit him: this was after Dean was cured of the ghost sickness and they all thought he was a goner. Bobby, that sneaky bastard, must have snapped that photo, Dean thought to himself. He kept looking at Sam in the picture, how happy he looked, how happy they both looked. Was it because he said something funny or was Sam just glad that he was able to save Dean for once? Dammit! I was the big brother. I was supposed to look out for Sammy. And I let him down. Again, Dean thought to himself.

A soft hand on his cheek startled him, bringing him back to the dingy bar. Slowly and gently, the waitress with the piercing blue eyes wiped away a tear he didn’t even know he had shed before she sat down across from Dean. “Why so sad, Handsome?” It was just one simple question but he couldn’t even answer her. Where did he even start?

“Oh, nothing you need to worry your pretty little head with, Red.” Dean took the plate she offered and went to pick up his burger. She continued to peer into his soul as if she knew exactly what he was thinking, that he was a failure. 

“You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and you don’t have to. I can help you, Dean, but only if you let me,” she said quietly, as she looked around the bar as if someone would overhear her words.

He dropped the burger and reached into the back of his pants, his hand on the pistol he had concealed there, finger already on the trigger. 

“Who the fu--” was all he got out before she reached a hand across the table and gripped his wrist lightly, interrupting his anger. 

“Bobby called me last night and told me you were on your way. I was just about to give up and leave.” She continued to gaze at him. “My name is Annaleigh Newmiller. I am a friend of Bobby’s. And, I know what you are going to ask. No, I am not a hunter, I’m just his eyes and ears out here in the boonies.” She let go of his hand, but he could still feel her touch lingering on his skin. 

Dean was more handsome than Annaleigh remembered; a little more rugged and much sadder. But, the same devastating smile and green eyes were there, with just a few more crinkles around them. The same, yet so different. 

Dean collected his thoughts as she looked at him, her gaze never wavering. He did not put the gun away but kept it next to him in the booth. One glance towards the bar indicated the three stooges didn’t even know they were in the back and wouldn’t be interrupting anytime soon. 

He had to get answers from her right now, he didn’t want to walk away to call the old man and risk her skipping out. “Bobby didn’t tell me he had someone out here in the mountains. He didn’t tell me someone would be waiting for me. How do I know you are who you say you are?” 

Slowly, she took an iron knife and a flask out of her apron. She took a sip from the small silver bottle then handed it to him; he checked to make sure it was holy water. Next, she wrapped her small hand around the handle of the knife and slid the blade through the soft flesh on her left forearm, letting a bit of blood bead up on the surface. Not once did she take her eyes off of Dean’s. She removed the purple bandana from its home around her neck and wrapped it around the fresh wound on her arm. 

When she was done, Annaleigh reached over with her right hand, grabbed a french fry off his plate and popped it in her mouth. “Field to fryer... good, aren’t they?”

Dean continued to watch her, slack jawed, while she ate more of his fries. Finally, Dean picked one up and brought it to his lips, taking a bite. She was right, they were good. Hold on, what the hell? Fries!? She’s distracting me from who she really is. He leaned forward in the booth grabbing her wrist with his free hand as she reached for another french fry.  

“Why don’t you start by telling me who the hell you are and what you know!” He didn’t exactly yell it, but it was loud enough that it brought an unwelcome glance from the bartender, who looked at Annaleigh, sternly, but she just nodded to let him know she was okay, and he turned back to the TV on the wall.

“Like I said before; my name is Annaleigh. Bobby was a friend of my brother’s. My brother... Well, he’s dead now, but every now and then Bobby calls, asks me to look into something for him. I have lived here in the mountains most of my life and I work here at the bar for extra cash. I’m a massage therapist full time and I work from home.” She was giving Dean the whole nine yards. He asked for it, so he just sat there, listening. And, boy, she had a lot more to say. 

“I am 29, I’m a Leo, my middle name is Grace. I enjoy strong men and stronger coffee. I like country music and classic rock. Yeah, an odd combination, I know. I do not and will not put up with other people’s bullshit. Anyway, a couple days ago, a body turned up in the woods behind my house. The heart was missing. I called the sheriff, and he said it was an animal attack. Animal, my ass. So, I called Bobby. I already figured it was a werewolf from all the research I have done in the past for my brother, but I needed him to send someone, because, while I know about the life and the lore, I don’t hunt. He said you were on your way back to his place from Oregon. How did you like the drive through the mountains? Can I get you another round?” 

He mulled over everything she had said. She didn’t seem like she was bullshitting him, but maybe just a little reluctant to get into the thick of it. He finally let go of her wrist and put his gun away. Dean picked up his burger and took a bite before speaking, ignoring the questions she had asked him. “Well, Red... looks like I have a wolf that needs putting down. Why don’t I finish up here and you show me where this body was found?”

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Soul to Souls tags: @emoryhemsworth​ @flamencodiva​ @iwantthedean​ @jensengirl83​ @deanwanddamons​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @waywardbeanie​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​ @princessmisery666​ @spnbaby-67​ @shy-violet-soul​ @lastcallatrockysbar​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​

#dean winchester #dean winchester x oc #dean x annaleigh #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #oc's are people too #oc appreciation day 2020

[chipper9906]

Bound To You - Chapter 8: Wish Upon A Star

< - - - Previous Chapter

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 15

NOTE: Pairings and Ratings Will Change As Story Is Updated

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester

Rating: General Audiences

Chapter Word Count: 12,570

Overall Word Count: 63,774

Status: Multi Chapter Fic - In Progress (8/?)

Chapter Preview:

“Hello, Dean.”

“Don’t you dare,” Dean bites out. He was still refusing to look at Cas right now. Mostly because there’s a good chance he’d punch him if he did. “You don’t get to do that like we’re all buddy-buddy right now. Not when you’ve got some explaining to do.”

Castiel stayed silent next to him.

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Character Key For Telepathic Conversations

'Italic Text' - Castiel

'Bold Text' - Dean

* * *

“Dean!”

Dean’s eye’s snapped open, a frantic and uncontrollable response to the sound of his brother yelling his name, expecting for there to be trouble. His body jerks up – or at least tries to – nothing more than a flailing of his arms and a jerk of his shoulders.

“Son of a-,” Dean grunts, using his arms to push himself back up against the headboard. His head snaps towards his brother’s yells, coming eye to eye with a particularly worried-looking Sam at his bedside, and an equally concerned looking Eileen next to him.

“What?” Dean snaps, not appreciating the rude awakening.

“What? What do you mean ‘what?’ Dean, it’s-,” Sam roughly shoves his sleeve up, double-checking the time on his watch. “-Four ‘o clock in the afternoon, and you’re, what, taking a nap?! We were texting and calling you on the way home and you didn’t pick up! We get back and find books thrown all over the table with you nowhere in sight, not replying to us when we’re yelling for you! Jesus Dean, I thought something had happened.”

“I’m fine,” Dean brushed his brother’s overprotective worry off, running a hand down his groggy face. “Research was kicking my ass is all. Needed some extra sleep.”

“So much so that you sleep through all my calls and texts, and then takes us yelling your name around ten times for you to wake up?” Sam asks, still with that hint of worry in his eyes.

“Dean… is there something you’re not telling us?” Eileen probes, leaning past Sam to look to Dean.

“What’dya mean? It’s not like I could have snuck out and done something. Not without falling down the stairs a million times and having to roll around in this damn thing everywhere around town.”

“No, I meant more…” Eileen trailed off, looking back to the Sam next to her, thinking over her words. “Are you in pain?”

Sam and Eileen seemed to have expected the confused look he gave in return, looking back to one another in that ‘we’re somehow reading each other’s minds’ look that’s really starting to get on Dean’s nerves.

“We just… We noticed you’ve been sleeping more than usual,” Sam began timidly, knowing this is going to be a touchy subject with Dean. “It’s, well… it’s not like you. And I usually wouldn’t say anything about it, but… what with your injury and all…”

“Sammy, I’m fine,” Dean insisted. The fact that he couldn’t just walk away from this conversation was a real pain in the ass.

Sam didn’t look like he believed him. “It’s just that… some of the pamphlets the doctor gave me mentioned about how excessive fatigue can be a sign of deterioration of health-,”

“Sam, are you forgetting that there’s an angel residing in my body right now?” Dean interrupted Sam. ���Do you really think Cas would just leave me to die?”

“Of course I don’t,” Sam almost looked offended that Dean could ever think such a thing. “But I wasn’t just talking about physical health, you know.”

“Sam…”

“Look Dean, I know you don’t like talking about this kind of stuff, but with the way things are now… You can’t expect me not to get worried.” Sam said.

“You’ve had to go through something awful, Dean,” Eileen piped up. “And this isn’t us saying you’re not strong enough to handle it, okay? It’s not. But things like this can take a toll on your mental health, even when you don’t realize it.”

“Not to mention there’s going to be a strain on your mind with Cas possessing you,” Sam added. “We don’t know what the long-term effects are going to be – given the fact that it’s not your typical angel possession.”

Dean frowned up at his little brother. “How is it not?”

“Well… usually, angels and their vessels don’t… switch possession as much as you guys do. And…And…”

“And what?”

“We’re just worried, is all,” Eileen said gently, placing what Dean is sure would be a comforting hand on his lower leg – if he could feel it, that is. “And we know we’re being over-bearing right now, and you want nothing more than for us to get lost-,”

“What? No! That’s not – I mean I appreciate you guys worrying over me, it’s just -,”

“If you say you’re fine? I believe you,” Sam told him. “I do, okay? But that’s not going to stop me from worrying over you.”

“I know, Sammy,” Dean said. He understood; he’d be doing the exact same thing if their roles were reversed. “But I’m not going to do something drastic, okay? That’s not… that’s not me anymore. It’s…”

Dean sighed, not knowing the right way to explain this to Sam. Or more, he knew exactly the way to explain it, but… it was almost too personal to share.

‘Cas? You got your ears on?’

‘Always, Dean.’

‘Okay, well, uh… Do you mind if I tell Sam about… about when you…’

‘…When I died?’

‘Yeah, that… I don’t really want to talk about it, since… I don’t know, it felt like those words were for me only, but… I think it’s the only thing that’ll get these two love birds off my ass for at least five seconds.’

‘Oh, um… are you going to talk about everything I said?’

‘Uh… no, just… the bit before… you know…’

The bit before Cas said something he still can’t think about.

‘Oh… okay, I… yes. It's fine.’

It sure as hell didn’t sound “fine.” ‘You sure?’

‘I said it’s fine.’

Whoa, okay… The sudden hostility from Cas nearly had Dean flinching. He could feel the way Cas’s mood had shifted, back to that electric buzz he had felt back in the hospital when he had pissed Cas off. Except, this time, it was… muted. Even though Cas was stuck in his head, he had found a way to hide himself somewhere so deep inside that Dean could barely feel his presence within him; quite literally storming off into another ‘room’.

And he had no idea what he’d done to warrant such a reaction.

Eileen’s whisper to Sam is what brought Dean back to the present. “Was that the end of the conversation, or…”

“It’s about the night Cas died.”

That got their attention. Their shared amused grins were immediately wiped off their face, focus now locked on Dean.

“Cas had gotten me into the dungeon, but Billie was on the other side of the door. I was so angry with myself because… I knew we were going to die. There was nowhere to go but out that door, and Billie was there waiting. And it was my fault. Not only had I gotten myself killed, but Cas too. And that pissed me off more than anything. I couldn’t blame that bitch Reaper for this one, or Lucifer, or Jack, or whatever. This was all on me.  And then… Cas told me about that damn deal. What he had done to save Jack.”

“Cas made a deal?” Sam asked, clearly shocked. “How did… Who did he even make the deal with?”

“The Empty,” Dean answered bitterly. “His life in exchange for Jack’s; to take Jack’s place in the Empty.’

“But… but Jack was in Heaven?” Sam said, perplexed.

“Empty didn’t agree with that. But it did agree to Cas’s deal, except… Empty didn’t take him then and there. Apparently… it would only take him when he let himself be happy. Cas said he had an idea, then he was telling me all about this deal and I had no idea why… but then, Cas, he…”

It was strange. Cas was alive, here with him. Quite literally. And yet, thinking back to that day… it was still so raw, so fresh, and so unbelievably, agonizingly painful to remember - let alone speak out loud.

“He said some stuff that made me realize that maybe… maybe I wasn’t the shitty person I always thought I was. That the way he saw me changed him. He cared… because of me. And I still didn’t believe it when he said it, until he died for me because…”

“Because?” Sam encouraged Dean gently.

“Because he loved me.”

There. He said it. Was it… was it the first time he had said it out loud? Hell, was it the first time he had thought about it, acknowledged it since that day? He could feel Cas stirring inside him, as taken aback at hearing Dean say it as Sam and Eileen looked to hear it.

“That’s when the Empty came,” Dean continued. His gaze had dropped down to his lap, unable to take Eileen and Sam’s stunned yet sympathetic looks. “Took Billie, then… it took Cas. And that was it.”

“Wow…” Sam breathed out the word in response. “He finally told you?”

Dean’s head snapped up at that, a deep frown etched into his face. “Wha – You knew?”

“We… had our suspicions,” Eileen answered.

“We, um… we kind of had a bet going, actually. Before… everything went wrong.” Sam said, already grimacing in preparation for Dean’s response.

“Excuse me? You had a bet? A bet for what?”

Sam and Eileen shared nervous looks.

“You know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t wanna know,” Dean grumbled, reaching over to the left side of his bed for his wheelchair that sat nearby. “Point is Cas helped me to see there’s more to me than I thought; made me realize that I actually wanted to keep living. I’m not gonna throw that all away now.”

“Well… that’s great!” Sam exclaimed, fighting back the urge to go around the bed and help Dean as he struggles into his wheelchair. “Just wanted to make sure you know we’re here if you’re ever feeling… Dean – what’s that?”

Dean froze, looking up to see Sam’s eyes fixated on his arm. “Huh?”

Sam stormed around to the other side of the bed where Dean was, coming to a stop in front of him and pulling the sleeve of his t-shirt up to his shoulder. “Isn’t that…?”

Dean threw his brother's hand off his shoulder, pulling his sleeve even further up and twisting his arm as he lifts it. There, branded on the skin of his left shoulder… was Cas’s handprint. The scar, the one he had found the day Castiel brought him out of Hell. The one they used to discover Castiel’s name. The one that had, slowly after time, faded away.

It was back. It was faint, not as raised and raw looking as it was the first time it had appeared on his skin, but it was there.

“What the…” Dean mutters, brushing a hand over the scar as if it would just wipe away.

The second his fingers brush against the pink scar, a sensation like electricity shoots around his body. It even startles Cas, who gasps in his mind, the sensation yanking Cas from his hiding spot to the forefront of Dean’s mind.

‘Cas? What in the hell is this?’

‘I… I don’t understand. I remember… it was gone.’

‘Yeah. And now it’s back. You got any idea why?’

‘I… it… no, I don’t.’

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s happening?” Eileen asked, eying the giant scar on Dean’s shoulder with a mix of intrigue and horror.

“Dean had that scar a long time ago,” Sam answered, eyes flickering from the scar to Dean’s flabbergasted face. “When Cas pulled him out of Hell, he… kind of left a mark on Dean. It faded with time, but now…”

“It’s back? How is that even possible?”

“I have no idea…” Dean mumbled, coming back into the conversation. “And neither does Cas.”

“Right... so…” Sam punctuated with a sigh, gesturing to the open door of Dean’s bedroom. “Research?”

* * *

Miracle was more than happy to have the rest of her little family back together, periodically racing between their legs at the library table for some well-deserved pets (which, let’s be honest, was as great for them as it was for her).

“So, wait – you’re telling me that this guy was helping the spirit to kill people?” Dean asked.

“It’s where we got thrown off. Bodies were showing up around the same time, but some of them seemed to have knife wounds – not your usual weapon of choice for a vengeful spirit. Turns out that the guy’s wife made a lot of enemies. Enough to get a target painted on her back.” Sam answered.

“And then she decided to pick off her enemies even after death,” Eileen added. “Her husband was so desperate to help her pass on that he thought helping her finish her… task… would do that.”

Dean whistled in astonishment. “Damn… that’s kind of sad, actually. What did you do about the guy?”

“Passed the evidence onto the local police,” Sam said. “They took him in; no idea what they’ll do with him.”

“So, what about you?” Eileen asked Dean, crossing her arms and leaning against them atop the table. “Get anywhere with the research?”

“Oh yeah-,” Dean answered sarcastically. “-It’s all taken care of. I was actually joking before; Cas isn’t in my head anymore. He’s back in his body, just chilling in the kitchen.”

Sam gave Dean’s leg a swift kick under the table, quickly paling when he remembered Dean wouldn’t be able to feel that anymore. He was, however, able to see the movement underneath him, looking down to his leg swinging from the impact, and then up to his brother's horrified face. “Dude…”

Sam cleared his throat awkwardly, looking everywhere but at his older brother. “Let’s just… pretend that didn’t happen.”

“Not in your dreams, Sammy,” Dean answered with a grin before grabbing at the Men of Letter’s file he had left on the table. “And to answer your previous question seriously; This is the closest we came to finding something angel related.”

Dean offered up the file to Eileen, who gladly took it from his hands. “Whoa, weird; this file is really thick.”

Dean shrugged. “I think it’s just old paper. Plus, seems like this is one of those experiments by Sinclair that he didn’t really want the other Men of Letter’s interfering in. Wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to keep it as much as a secret as he could – hence the weird paper.”

“Wait – Sinclair?” Sam asked, looking up to Dean as Eileen passed him the file. “The collector?”

“That’s the one. And you’ll never guess who helped him with this little experiment…”

Sam scanned briefly over the document in his hands, feeling himself deflate as his eyes brushed over a familiar name. “Henry Winchester…”

“Winchester? Is he…?”

“Seems dear old Grandpa was involved in some seriously messed up stuff during his brief stint as a Man of Letters,” Dean said. “There’s some footage if you wanna see it, but… both me and Cas would strongly advise you don’t.”

‘I would much rather you burn the reel all together if I’m being honest.’

“How bad is it?” Sam asks cautiously, wondering if he even wants to read the file.

“They managed to snag an angel for themselves. You remember back when Gadreel had possessed you, and you were trying to extract his left-over grace?”

Sam shivered at the memory. “Yeah… I remember that damn needle…”

“Did the same thing,” Dean continued. “But they left some of the angel its grace. They thought that they could kill the angel, but leave the vessel alive that way – so long as they fuck up the vessel a ton so that the angel heals him, but burns itself out.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t work…” Eileen said.

Dean sighed. “Not in the slightest. They blew the poor guy up. Both were… gone. Just like that.”

Sam’s eyes dropped down to the paper in his hands, the weight of it suddenly feeling much heavier than before. “Did, uh… Did Cas see?”

“Course he did. He’s in my head,” Dean answered. “And before you ask, no; Cas didn’t know the guy personally. Or, uh – the angel personally. Knew his name though: Atheed.”

Sam’s face twisted with a guilt that wasn’t even his to feel. “Was he a good angel, or…?”

‘He was an obedient angel; he did what he’s told, as most do. You can deduct what you want from that.’

“He was a guy doing his job who got caught by the wrong people. Bad or good… that was a messed-up thing to do to him.”

“Makes me wonder how much of that kind of ‘work’ the Men of Letter did…” Eileen says softly, gently sliding the file out of Sam’s hands. “I suppose a lot of the knowledge we have today came from similarly cruel experiments… as sickening as that is to think of.”

“Yeah… and we’ve gotta siphon through all of those files to find anything angel or vessel related,” Sam gestures behind him at the multiple cabinets lining the wall. “I’m not sure if I wanna find out how many more cruel experiments Grandpa had a part in…”

“That makes two of us…” Dean mumbled in agreement, fighting back a groan at the thought of even more countless hours of research.

“What about Cas?” Sam asks, leaning back against his chair. “Does he have any idea?”

‘You hear that, Cas? You got anything?’

‘Well, I… No, no I haven’t.’

Dean’s eyes narrowed in suspicion at the hesitancy in Castiel’s voice echoing around his head, the shift in his expression garnering interest from both Sam and Eileen.

“What is it?” Sam asks. “Cas got something?”

“Dunno…” Dean said slowly. “Kind of sounds to me like someone is hiding something.”

‘I’m not hiding anything. An idea came to mind, but I believe it is a dead end. More than a dead-end in fact, I believe it is likely to get us either into a debt we cannot repay – or repaying causes us more trouble than it’s worth – or is just going to get us all killed.’

‘Come on Cas – we both know those kinds of ideas are the ones that usually work when it comes to our problems. Hop up in the driver’s seat and tell everyone.’

Dean could hear Cas’s long-suffering sigh deep within his mind. None the less, he felt that uncomfortable squeeze of pressure as Cas pushed himself to the front, sliding away into his own mind as he passes over the controls.

Both Sam and Eileen straightened in their seats at the sight of Dean’s glowing blue eyes; something about angel possession always making them uncomfortable, even when they know the angel in question.

“I’m guessing you have an idea?” Sam asks once the sheen of grace slips away from Dean’s eyes. It was odd - how it was Dean’s eyes looking at him, but Sam could see nothing but Cas behind those eyes. The stare was completely and unequivocally Cas.

“I do, unfortunately,” Cas replies in a strained voice. “Do you remember Sergei?”

“Sergei?” Sam asks, face scrunched in thought before the memories flood back. “The Russian guy?”

“What?” Eileen splutters, already looking none too pleased with the idea. “You mean that guy who nearly got Sam killed so he could bargain with us?”

‘He did what?’

“That’s the one,” Castiel replied dejectedly. “I don’t like the idea much either, but…”

“He did stop me from dying,” Sam offers awkwardly, able to feel the amped-up tension radiating from Eileen.

“Yeah – after Cas threatened his niece!” Eileen argued.

‘You did what?’

‘Sergei is… one of those men who only responds to violence. Somehow, I gained his respect through my threat. Though, I still worry about the consequences of it…’

“Still, he’s a pretty powerful guy, isn’t he? I mean, he managed to hide Gabriel from everyone, right?” Sam adds.

“It was one of the reasons I approached him in the first place,” Castiel agrees. “He is… knowledgeable, to say the least. So much so that British Men of Letters would frequently go to him for help.”

‘Huh… well, if those poncy up their asses British asshats came to him for help, then he must be good at what he does.’

“Yeah, okay, so he’s good,” Eileen reluctantly agreed. “But at what cost? Last I remember, he nearly got Sam killed trying to get something from you guys-,”

“The Key to Death’s Door,” Cas fills in the blanks for her.

“Right. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like something that should be in the hands of someone with that much power and knowledge. Who knows what he might ask for this time?”

“We don’t know until we ask, right?” Sam attempts to douse the paranoia rising. “If he’s as good as advertised…”

Castiel sighs, hands instinctively reaching for his trench-coat pockets before remembering what body he was in. “He once told me his job was ‘to solve the unsolvable.’ At this point… our problem seems to fit that title.”

Sam cleared his throat, shuffling on his seat as his gaze switched between Eileen’s displeased expression to Dean’s – or he supposed Cas’s – uneasy face. “So, question is: Is the risk worth it?”

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Neither do I.’

‘That settles it then. Get Sammy to call the douche up.’

Occasionally, Castiel believed the Winchester brothers were able to read each other’s minds; especially when the two were in the midst of a particularly challenging hunt. This was a thought that came to mind once more as, shortly after Dean had voiced his opinion, Sam let out a small sigh as he dug into his jean’s pockets and pulled out his mobile phone with a grim face of resignation.

“Alright, Cas. I hope you can remember his number…”

* * *

The booming, heavy knocks on the bunker’s metal door resounded around the bunker, its presence immediately heightening the tension that hung in the air ever since Sam had hung up the phone. Quite frankly, Castiel was surprised Sergei even bothered to pick up the phone – especially considering the fact that Sam's number would have shown up as ‘unknown caller’.

Eileen was the first to jump to her feet, having shifted into a ball of nerves as they awaited Sergei’s arrival. Sam stood from his chair beside her, easing her nerves ever slightly with a comforting but knowing touch to her shoulder.

Not a word was passed between the three. Dean, having regained back control, could only wheel after Sam as he steadily approached the staircase, coming to a stop at the bottom as both he and Eileen watch Sam carefully climb up step by step.

Sam pulled his pistol out from his back pocket as he reached the door, cocking it and aiming it in preparation towards the doorway as he yanks the door open.

Sergei glances down at the gun pointed towards his chest in mock surprise, holding up his hands in fake surrender. “I’m afraid I won’t be much help to you with a bullet in my chest,” He points out, nodding his head towards the pistol in Sam’s hands. “Unless you only wanted to lure me here to end me – in which case, I commend you for your plan.”

Sam glowers at the Russian, but lowers his gun down none the less – though keeps a firm hand wrapped around the handle. “You’ll have to forgive me. Last we met, you nearly killed me for your own gain.”

“Yes. And last I met you, your angel had one of his dogs stalk my niece, ready to pull the trigger at any moment,” Sergei fired back, stepping past Sam and onto the stair’s balcony. “I’d say we both have a reason to be wary of one another, wouldn’t you? Alas, I am still here-,”

Sam cut off Sergei with a snort. “Don’t pretend you’re here out of the goodness of your heart.”

Sergei nodded his head in acceptance. “Fair enough. Now, where-,”

Sergei stopped mid-sentence, eyes landing on Dean sat at the bottom of the stairs. A rather obnoxious grin stretched across the Shaman’s face that unsettled Dean, glaring up at the large man as he descended the stairs towards him with a tense-looking Sam in tow.

“Dean Winchester!” Sergei bellowed halfway down the stairs; arms outstretched either side of him in greeting. “I do not believe we ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Pleasure ain’t exactly a word I’d use,” Dean grumbled in response, backing away from the stairs as the Russian got closer. “But I’m willing to play nice for the time being.”

“Ah, but that’s how the world works, no?” Sergei asks once he reaches the bottom of the staircase, blocking Sam from going any further -much to the younger brother’s annoyance. “We play nice - so long as the other has what we need.”

Sergei’s eyes drifted up from Dean, landing on Eileen’s fiery gaze locked on him. The confident grin on his face waivered by the slightest, but remained there. “Ah, but you I remember. Good hand strength.”

Eileen’s glare didn’t budge. “And you best remember that.”

Sergei exhaled sharply in amusement – along with a hint of admiration – glancing back at Sam over his shoulder. He stepped to the side, allowing Sam to take the last steps down and join his brother and Eileen.

 “Now, if we’re done with the threats…” Sergei announced with a clap of his hands. “How about we get down to the reason I’m here? Is it true, what I was told on the phone?”

“Yes,” Dean answered curtly, raising a hand to tap at the side of his head. “Cas is up here – with me.”

“Fascinating…” The Russian drawled out, tilting his head to the side as he took Dean in. “Angels are… not usually ones to give up control so freely…”

“Cas ain't like most angels,” Dean shot back. “And that’s why he’s the only one of ‘em that matters. But it can’t last forever-,”

“Oh, I know,” Sergei interrupted Dean, who had to bite on his tongue to stop himself from cutting into Sergei’s sentence, solely out of spite. “A little birdie told me about your trip to the Empty, Castiel… I was rather disheartened to hear this – considering you still owe me that favor. I can only imagine the sorry state your grace must be in… Do tell me; how did you manage to escape from its clutches? Again?”

“That would be because of me,” Dean answered for Cas.

“Hmmm…” Sergei hummed in interest. “I wonder; do you say that as a declaration of accomplishment, or as taking the blame?”

“Neither,” Dean got out between gritted teeth. “It was a… mutual agreement. I was… well, to put it bluntly, I was dying.”

“Naturally,” Sergei said dryly, glancing from Dean over to Sam and Eileen. “I heard a lot about you Winchesters from the British’s grievances… Your apparent aversion to death.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, it should have been it this time. Right before I was about to go, I… I sent out one last prayer to Cas.”

“Even though he was dead?” Sergei asked, clearly perplexed by this.

“Especially because he was dead…” Dean answered softly, his answer only serving to throw Sergei off even more. “Anyway, next thing I know, there’s a portal opening up in front of me. Cas stepped through; this big mess of… sludge that I didn’t even recognize as him at first.”

“Interesting… I suppose that explains why, well…” Sergei off handely gestured at Dean. “I assume Castiel is the only thing keeping you held together?”

“No. I’m healed – mostly. I wouldn’t die if he left, if that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

“Then… why hasn’t Castiel left for another vessel?”

“He can’t,” Sam answers, dragging Sergei’s attention over to him once more. “And that’s why we need your help.”

“Ah… now I understand why you were so insistent on recreating his vessel when we spoke over the phone…” Sergei proclaimed, nodding his head minutely along with his own realization. “It’s about his grace, isn’t it?”

The uncomfortable looks shared between Eileen and the two brothers was the answer Sergei was looking for.

“Oh yes, I know about Heaven’s little problem,” Sergei told them. “Last I heard, even the few angels that reside up there are struggling… but you Castiel… it has been a while since you’ve felt yourself at full power, isn’t it?”

There it was again. That faint electric buzz that shot out from his head, spreading around his body. He wondered if this was Cas’s grace acting out inside him, trying to gain possession as it acts on Cas’s emotions, either with or without Cas’s control.

Which reminds him…

“That’s not all,” Dean’s word brought Sergei’s full attention back to him, roughly yanking up his t-shirt sleeve to reveal the raw-looking scar that somehow seemed to have raised even more in the past few hours.

Sergei’s brows practically shot up to his hairline at the sight in front of him, instantly able to sense the grace that was settled within that one patch of damaged skin on Dean’s arm. The surprise shifted to an amused and downright delighted grin, leaning back with a belly laugh so out of nowhere that it nearly had Sam reaching for his pistol.

‘Dean, I don’t think this is a good idea-,’

“Oh-ho, Castiel – you sly dog!” Sergei got out once his bouts of laughter were over, though his tone still one full of amusement. “How did your superiors not kill you for such an indiscretion? They must have been furious! Especially Michael - he mustn’t have appreciated you leaving such a mark on his vessel!”

‘The hell is he talking about, Cas?’

‘I said this wasn’t a good idea, Dean…’

“W – Why would they have killed him?” Sam asked, still rather taken aback by Sergei’s sudden outburst of laughter. “Cas said the mark was left there from where he pulled Dean out of Hell. He was just doing his job, right?”

“That is… partly true,” Sergei said. “But this right here? This is a mark of ownership. Angels leave such a brand on humans they intend to claim, almost as an offering – a proposition if you will – to the human who’s mark they leave.”

“Wait, what?” Dean spluttered, his voice rising in volume without his control. “You telling me Cas claimed me?”

There went Eileen and Sam with those knowing looks again…

‘Cas, what the hell? You saw me in Hell and decided – what – that I was your property?’

‘No! It wasn’t… the claim wasn’t intentional… I… I got carried away, okay? You have to understand – ALL of my life, my billions upon billions of years of existence had led up to this moment. The ONE job I had, and I was so proud to be the one to bear it. The angel intended to raise the righteous man from perdition. After what felt like years of battling through swarms of demons and other Hell filth… there you were. And your soul was so bright, so… you were everything you were described to be, and more. You were MY charge. MY human to watch over. And in that moment I held you to my chest as I pulled you out, my arms wrapped around you… As I said, I got carried away. I hadn’t even realized I had left the brand on your soul until I rebuilt your body.’

“Is he… having a stroke?” Sergei broke the uncomfortable silence that had filled the room.

“No… That’s what he looks like when he’s talking to Cas in his head.” Sam said, shuffling awkwardly on the spot as he waited for the focus to come back into Dean’s eyes.

“Okay, so… Cas left this mark on me. We’ve established that.” Dean mumbled as he came back to reality, Cas’s confession leaving him with an oddly hollow yet warming feeling, the two juxtapositions fighting for dominance. “But why did it come back?”

“Come… back?” Sergei questioned.

“After a while, it kind of just… faded away,” Dean explained, experimentally probing at the scar. Just like last time, that same static electricity jolted out from the contact. “And now it’s returned, but we have no friggen clue why. It’s not like it started coming back as soon as Cas possessed me, it just seems to have all of a sudden… pop up again.”

“May I?” Sergei asks, gesturing a hand to the scar on his shoulder. The very last thing Dean wants is to have this guy touching the mark – and judging by the angry buzzing in his veins again, Cas wasn’t too thrilled at the idea either – but it wasn’t like they had any other ideas to fall back onto.

Sergei takes Dean’s silence as ‘not a no’, stepping up to his side and placing his hand atop the hand-shaped scar on Dean’s arm. His hand doesn’t quite fit the same way that Cas’s hand did, and Dean feels his body instinctively try to move away from the wrong hand on Cas’s mark. It wasn’t Cas’s touch on his arm, and it seemed like the scar itself didn’t want it. Just this feeling of wrongness that had the functioning parts of his body recoiling, face scrunching in discomfort that got Sam and Eileen on high alert.

“What are you doing?” Eileen demanded sharply, hands reaching for the knife stored in her jacket.

Sergei has his eyes firmly shut, his back turned to the two like he didn’t fear them in the slightest. “I am analyzing the scar, as was requested of me. Though… it appears that Castiel here does not want me doing so… Or, at least, his grace does not. That is quite the claim you put on him, Castiel…”

Sergei’s eyes snapped back open, the removal of his hand from Dean’s arm a great relief to both Dean and Castiel.

“So?” Dean pressed, shaking his left arm in an attempt to shake off the ‘wrong’ feeling that lingered. “Find out anything?”

“I have two theories – which may be connected,” Sergei answered, glancing down at his own hand with his palm facing towards him, as if he could still feel the grace surging through Dean. “The first is that this is a result of Castiel’s presence inside you. The only other grace I sensed within Dean was Michael, the Archangel; so I assume this is Castiel’s first time possessing you?”

Dean nodded in response.

“I thought so. Whilst the scar itself has faded, the grace leftover from the mark would have remained inside you. Perhaps, now that the entirety – or, at least what remains – of Castiel’s grace has entered your body, it’s mixing with the grace that was already in your system caused a reaction; forcing the mark to return to the surface. However-,”

“That still wouldn’t make sense,” Sam butted in, about to fill in with what was going to be Sergei’s next point anyway. “It should have shown up immediately if that was the case, wouldn’t it?”

“Precisely,” Sergei agreed.

“So… why is it only showing up now?” Eileen asked. “What’s the second theory?”

The amusement on Sergei’s face had disappeared completely now. His gaze had been fixated on Dean ever since he had felt the mark for himself, a look of… actually, Dean wasn’t too sure what the look was. Pity? Disgust? Sympathy? Sadness?

“Are you going to tell him, Castiel?” Sergei asked. Though his eyes were locked with Dean’s it felt like he was looking straight past Dean, trying to reach the angel that was harbored within. “If you don’t – I will.”

‘Cas… look, whatever this is… I’d rather hear it from you, okay?’

‘Dean, I… I don’t…’

‘Do you know what he’s talking about? Do you… do you know the answer?’

‘I… yes. I think so yes. But Dean, it’s… I don’t see how… I just can't. I can’t…’

“Just tell me,” Dean grated out, knowing this wasn’t going to be an argument he could win.

“I believe…” Sergei began, words trailing off as his line of sight dropped from Dean’s face back to the distractingly reddish scar. “…The reason the scar faded with time is simply because you did not accept the claim, Dean. To be expected, since you didn’t even know what it was. It is back now because, to put it bluntly… you have accepted the claim.”

The silence that followed these words had to be the most uncomfortable few seconds of Dean’s life. Sergei looked like he was regretting ever coming to this place, whilst Sam and Eileen weren’t sure whether they were supposed to be looking at Dean, Sergei, each other, or the floor.

“Not that it matters to the actual problem,” Sergei added rather late, the additional information a blessing to break the uncomfortable tension they were in. “That is why I’m here, is it not?”

“Right…” Sam said blankly, shaking his head as he tried to bring himself back to reality. “Right! Yeah, uh… so, what do you think? Can it be done?”

“No,” The single word Sergei uttered was enough to kick all the air out of Dean’s lungs. “Or at least, not to my knowledge. I could look into it further but, quite frankly… I do not see the point.”

“What?” Eileen spat, pushing past Sam’s calming hold and towards the towering Russian.

“I was quite certain from our conversation on the phone that it was not possible,” Sergei replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Dean could feel the rage that was Castiel burning inside him, the heat of it only fanning the fire of his own temper. “Then why the hell did you bother coming here?”

“Call it curiosity,” Sergei took a few cautious steps away from the pissed off faces that surrounded him. “Castiel… I’ve lost count of the amount of ‘favors’ you’ve owed me… and usually, your ‘favors’ have been nothing more than not murdering me or my loved ones. Quite frankly… you have been a thorn in my side – and so what reason would I have to put myself out to keep you alive?”

Dean’s grip on the wheels of his chair was so tight that he could feel the rubber material peeling away from underneath the force of his nails. He could feel the anger churning away inside him, ready to burst out with one wrong word…

“And besides…” Sergei continued, most definitely the wrong choice to make. The gloating, obnoxious grin was back on his face as he stepped closer to Dean, ignoring the gun Sam had drawn and currently had pointed at him. “Mostly… after what your brother told me Dean, I couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to see Castiel reduced to such a pathetic, weak form…”

That did it.

Except, it wasn’t Dean’s anger that boiled over. Castiel’s push to regain control was more like a shove, practically thrown to the back of his mind as Castiel took over. Sergei didn’t even flinch as the furious green eyes glaring at him flashed with a burning fiery blue, steadily brightening in its intensity as Castiel’s grace collected together, the violent and disastrous power it was capable of brimming just underneath Dean’s skin…

Sergei only ‘tsked’ in response to the display of power, his disgustingly sly grin widening to reveal a row of misaligned, discolored teeth. “Careful there, Castiel… You don’t want to use up too much of your burning grace, now do you? At the rate it’s disintegrating at… I wouldn’t risk it.”

Sergei wrongly assumed he had won as he saw those flaring blue eyes revert back to the sharp green ones of Dean Winchester. Though, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It hadn’t been Castiel’s choice to give back control. Rather, Dean had forced himself back into the driver’s seat as his fury propelled him forward, only just settling back into possession of his own body as his arm shoots out, catching the Russian by surprise as Dean’s hand wraps around his throat, squeezing it tight to clinch Sergei’s windpipe shut, staring up at the flailing Russian in repulsion.

“You listen here…” Dean growled at him in warning. Sam began to lower his gun down to the floor, knowing Dean had complete control over the situation – even if he didn’t exactly have control over himself right now.

“You wanna know the reason you’re here?” Dean continued, tightening his grip just a little more as Sergei attempted to pull away. “Why you, your niece, your acquaintances, everyone you love, everyone on this Earth - and every other damn Earth out there - is here? Because me, Sam, Cas, and our kid? We kicked God’s ass. Jack brought everyone back, and you know what? That wouldn’t have happened without Cas saving my life. That wouldn’t have happened without Cas insisting that Jack was good, that Jack would one day help to save the world. All of this wouldn’t be possible without Cas, so how about you show him a little bit of goddamn respect.”

Dean released his grip on Sergei's throat once the Russian’s face had shifted through a good few shades of purple. He stumbled back from the unexpected release, all but crashing into the metal barrier of the bunker’s staircase.

Sergei raised a hand to his already bruising throat, bulging eyes darting between all three of them. “What is it with you people and choking…”

“I suggest you get the hell out of our home,” Dean said. “Or like you said; you won't be doing much with a bullet in your chest.”

Sergei glanced back down to the pistol still held firmly in Sam’s hand, finger inching towards the gun’s trigger. “Alright, alright!” He said in defeat, backing up the staircase as to keep his eyes on the Winchesters – and the other weapons he knew they were likely carrying.  

The fury burning away in Dean’s veins – that of which he wasn’t sure was entirely his, or Cas’s – only ebbed away in the slightest once the Russian disappeared beyond the front door with a grumble of: “Thick-headed Americans…”

“So…” Eileen was the first to speak up, just barely resisting the urge to head up the bunker's stairs to double-check the door had locked itself. “That went about as well as I thought it would…”

“We’re not dead, so that’s a plus.” Sam offered.

“You guys have really low levels of expectations…”

“I mean… we did find out some information,” Sam pointed out. “Like, uh… we know why the mark is back…”

Sam turned his worried gaze back to his brother, who was being uncharacteristically quiet. Usually, he would chalk this up to another one of the ‘private conversations’ between Dean and Cas, but… that wasn’t what this looked like. Dean didn’t have that unseeing sheen over his eyes. He was staring directly at the floor ahead of him, jaw clenched so hard that it would surely ache something awful.

“Dean…?” Sam called his name timidly. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

“You better tell me the truth here, Cas,” Dean said out loud, voice calm and steady in that detached way where your anger has passed new limits. “Were you hiding shit from us? Again?”

The only thing in Dean’s mind were his own thoughts. He could barely feel Cas’s presence, the only indicator that he was still here with him being that almost undetectable hum of something otherworldly settled in every cell of his body.

The coward was hiding.

“Don’t you run away from me,” Dean hissed out, the outburst of anger catching both Sam and Eileen off guard. “Was that Russian dickhead telling the truth? Is your grace running out?”

A few seconds tick by in the unnaturally still bunker. Somewhere from within, Miracle whines; her high-pitched note of displeasure at her owner’s palpable anger piercing the uncomfortable quietness.

Castiel does not answer.

* * *

 That night… Dean dreams of the Impala.

He dreams of endless miles of jet black tarmac and worn road markings rumbling underneath her pristine tires. He dreams of beautiful Kansas countrysides: of rolling green fields and tall, golden crops waving gently in the evening's cool breeze as they flash by his window.

He dreams of the perfect night sky. Pitch black nothingness, dotted with bright, beautiful stars that seemed to light his way as he drove.

Baby’s worn interior was bathed in an intermittent golden glow of the overhead street lights as he passes under them; the occasional flashes of light giving sight to his cracked and scarred knuckles tightly gripped around her leather steering wheel, hoping that the monotonous motions of driving would help to ease some of the tension in his body.

He dreams of Castiel.

Or, more accurately, Castiel decides to stop being a coward and face him.

There’s no indication of Castiel’s sudden presence in the passenger seat. No flap of wings to give away his arrival. One second the seat was empty, the next it was filled by an anxiety-filled angel that stared resolutely at the road in front. It had been a long time since Cas had unexpectedly showed up in his car like that, so you’d expect him to flinch just a little. Maybe jolt in his seat, maybe ever jerk the steering wheel to the side and struggle to get Baby back under his control as his racing heart returns back to its normal speed.

Instead, his grip on the wheel tightens even more. He hears the leather screech in protest under his suffocating hands.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Don’t you dare,” Dean bites out. He was still refusing to look at Cas right now. Mostly because there’s a good chance he’d punch him if he did. “You don’t get to do that like we’re all buddy-buddy right now. Not when you’ve got some explaining to do.”

Castiel stayed silent next to him.

“Is it true?” Dean repeated his question once more. “Is your grace burning out anyway? Even when you’re not using it?”

“Yes.”

Dean thought that hearing Cas tell the truth would make him even angrier than it already was. Strangely, though, it did not. Perhaps because he was already expecting the answer. Perhaps because he was prepared for Cas to try and dance around the issue by creating a series of elaborate lies that threw him off the scent.

The anger was still there, however. How could it not? But it was accompanied by another feeling. One that’s been plaguing him a lot lately.

He felt… tired.

“Is it… is it because of me?” Dean asked. “Are you burning through your grace to keep me alive?”

“No,” Castiel asserted strongly. “This isn’t because of you. My grace, it… it was already fading, Dean. Coming back from the Empty, being placed in a vessel that is not mine… Your body is able to accommodate me, Dean – considering you were built with the ability to withstand an Archangels grace… my grace is doing no damage to you. It is simply… unable to sustain itself no longer.”

“How long have you known?” Dean was pretty sure he didn’t even want to know the answer to this question. Mostly because…

“I knew as soon as I possessed you.”

Yep. That was why.

“You know from the beginning? This whole time, and you-,”

The anger boiled over for a moment. Dean cursed sharply as he slammed his fist into the solid frame of her steering wheel, the sound startlingly loud in the quiet of Baby’s interior.

“You should have told us,” Dean scolded him. “As soon as you realized, you should have told us! Told me! We could-,”

“You could what?” Castiel interrupted him. “What could you have done different, Dean?”

“Lots of stuff!” Dean shot back. “We could have got me out of the hospital earlier! Sam and Eileen could have stayed put and helped us with the research instead of going on that hunt!”

“And let countless of innocent lives perish? Do you think I’m worth that?”

“Yes!” Dean’s yell boomed around the car, whipping his head to face Castiel for the first time, who could only stare at Dean in astonishment. “When are you going to realize it, you idiot! You’re everything to me! Sam and Eileen could have passed that hunt onto another pair of hunters! And- fuck – there we are messing about in my dumb dreams, having stupid fucking beach vacations and kicking back beers when I could have been doing something to save you!”

Castiel leveled him with that cool, steely blue gaze. “I am going to die, Dean. My grace is going to burn away. I am sorry, but that is what’s going to happen.”

“No Cas, we’re going to-,”

“No, you’re not,” Castiel said sharply, voice raising to match Dean’s ticked off tone. “We both know that recreating my vessel isn’t going to happen, Dean. I would have thought Sergei’s assessment of the situation would have clued you into that by now.”

“So what?” Dean said. “You just… strung us along? Pretended that everything would be fine, that you believed there was a way too?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell FOR?!” Dean's voice rose sharply once again. “Why would you bother when-,”

“Maybe you should look at it from my perspective for once in your stubborn life, Dean!” This was one of the rare times Castiel raised his voice at him, and it never failed to shut him up the second he heard it. “I accepted my end the day I took the Empty’s deal! Knowing that in my death, I was able to save you? I was content with that. Coming back from the Empty on what I knew from the start would be nothing more than borrowed time… it’s been a blessing. Do you know why?”

Dean could only stare blankly at Castiel in numb shock.

“Because of you. Your ‘dumb’ dreams have been some of my own deepest desires, Dean! In what other scenario would I ever get to do such things? Even the simple ones, ones where it’s just us. Just us in the bunker, talking. I am grateful for this extra time, because it’s extra time with you. So yes, maybe I preferred ‘stringing you along’ and pretending that there was a chance. Perhaps I preferred being able to spend the last few days I have on this Earth in your dreams, by your side, instead of hours hunched over a desk table doing research I know leads to nowhere! Maybe that makes me selfish, but for once, I think I’m entitled to that little bit of happiness. Even if only for a little while.”

Baby’s tires squeal against the road as Dean slams his foot onto the brakes, leaving behind black burn marks on the road as the Impala comes to a sudden spot on the empty road. Dean’s chest heaves with heavy intakes of breath like he’s just ran a damn marathon, fingers trembling as they remain gripped tight around the steering wheel. “You… you can’t-,”

“I can’t what?” Castiel asks in that slow, dejected tone Dean hates hearing from him.

“You… how can… fuck!”

Dean promptly throws open Baby’s door, jumping out of his seat and slamming the door closed behind him. The cold, biting air does wonders to calm him down, taking in deep lungfuls of the night air as he attempts to clear his mind. With a shake of his head, he wanders over the front of Baby’s hood and perches himself down, burying his head into his hands in the hopes he’ll wake from the nightmare.

Because that’s what it was, now. A nightmare. Now he knows his one deepest fear will become true. He’s going to lose Cas. Again. And perhaps, worst of all… Cas seems to have given up the fight himself. Knowing this, and knowing what Castiel had just told him…

He’s sure he’s going to say or do something very, very dumb.

The hinges to Baby’s doors creak as they’re pushed open, followed by the dull thud of it being closed much softer (and with more respect, if Dean’s being honest with himself) than he had. Dean hears the soft, padded footsteps of shoes against the asphalt, then the feeling of the hood dipping as an extra weight is added. He can feel the warmth of Cas’s body bleeding into the cold air next to him, only mere inches away. Of course he would… That was his thing. Plenty of space to stand or sit, and Cas always chose to get as close to Dean as humanly possible.

Always.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel is the first to apologize. “I thought… perhaps it would be a kindness, to not tell you. To let your last memories of me be… of us ‘messing about in your dumb dreams’… I didn’t want you to worry.”

Dean pulls his head out of his hands at this, staring vacantly at the never-ending stretch of road ahead. “Why’s it always gotta be us, Cas? Why are we always dealt the shit cards…”

“Because that’s life,” Castiel responded, keeping his gaze fixed on his hands as they hung loosely between his knees. “It’s not often fair. And can sometimes be seen as downright cruel, but… I think that’s because we often focus on the negatives, more than the positives. They seem… bigger, somehow. More impactful. Sometimes, we have to stop focusing on the negatives so much. Don’t let them build up on you. Then… the positives seem just that little bit bigger.”

“Yeah, well… don’t know how many of the positives there’s gonna be when you’re gone, Cas. I… I can never seem to say goodbye to you.”

“This go around… you have more time. I know you’ll find the words.” Castiel said softly, turning his head to the side to look to Dean. “And even if you don’t… that’s okay. You were never a man of many words, Dean Winchester. You’re more… a man of action.”

Dean almost managed to laugh at that. “Yeah? How so?”

“Subtle things I’ve picked up over the years,” Castiel replied. “The pat of your arms on my back as you hug me. Your grasp on my thigh, when I returned from the death by that reapers hand. Your hand squeezing my shoulder as you wrap a blanket around my cursed body… brushing a hand over my growing stubble in Purgatory… the lingering touch of your hand on mine whenever I was saved from the brink of death…”

Castiel’s face broke out into a soft, sad smile as he reached the end of his list, finally raising his eyes up to lock with Dean’s. “You say more with your actions than I think you intend. But that’s okay. Your own personal language is the one out of hundreds that I valued learning the most.”

Dean could only hold the eye contact for a few seconds more after that, dropping back down to his lap as Castiel’s words whirled around his head. “Do, uh… Do you even know how long you have left before…?”

“At its current rate… I’d say a month at most. Perhaps a few weeks.”

“A few…?” Is all Dean can get out before his throat constricts, cutting him off. “Then what? You’re just… gone?”

“As I said before - I’m not too sure on what happens. Either I’ll simply burn away, or… I am forced to take control of you. Which is why there’s something I need to ask of you, Dean.”

Dean didn’t like the sound of that one bit. “…What?”

“When the time comes… when my grace is nearly all burnt out… I am going to very weak,” Castiel’s eyes were burning into the side of his head, something that Dean couldn’t ignore. “I am… worried, to say the least; that the second option will be what occurs when it runs out completely. I can not allow that to happen. Do you understand me, Dean?”

“I… No, not really?”

“There’s a good chance that I will be so weak, I am unable to eject myself from your body,” Castiel continued in answer, reaching out a hand to rest on Dean’s shoulder. Dean bit back a gasp as the electricity shot through his body once more, even though there was a layer of flannel stopping Cas’s hand from touching the scar directly.

“If that is to happen…” Castiel continued, his voice firm with his urgency. “You are to forcefully eject me, Dean.”

“What?” Dean snapped, disgusted with even the thought of doing such a thing. “Cas, I could never-,”

“I need you to promise me,” Cas said firmly, tightening his hold on Dean’s shoulder. “I could never, ever, live with myself If I did that to you. When I tell you to, you will revoke your permission. Do you understand?”

“Cas, you… you can’t expect me to do this…” Dean said, voice utterly broken.

“I need your word. Promise me you’ll eject me when the time comes, Dean. Otherwise, I’ll leave right now-,”

“NO!” Dean shot out a hand to wrap around the arm on his shoulder, keeping Cas firmly in place. “Don’t you even think about it. We… there’s still a chance.”

“Dean-,”

“There’s still a chance,” Dean insisted, his fingers scrunching in the familiar scratchy material of Cas’s trench-coat. “We still have a few more weeks at least to find something. But if we don’t… dammit… okay… I promise, Cas. I’ll… I’ll do it.”

Dean felt the grip on his shoulder relax at his promise, releasing his own hold on Castiel’s arm and letting the angel's hand slip away. Immediately, he could feel the scar on his shoulder ache, keenly missing its owner’s touch.

“We’ll find a way,” Dean promised him quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “We will.”

“You can try,” Castiel replied, gazing up at the night sky. “And that’s already more than I can ask of you.”

Looking to Cas, drinking in the subtle, relaxed smile on the angel's face as he was bathed in the ethereal silver glow of the moon, was when a question popped into Dean Winchester’s head. It was one he had been actively avoiding for… well, from the second Castiel had made that confession. That world turning, gut-punching, revelation of a confession.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Hmm?” Castiel hummed low in response, keeping his gaze on the beautiful display of stars above.

“When did you realize you were in love with me?”

The relaxed smile slipped away at Dean’s words, his throat visibly shifting as he swallowed down his nerves.

“We both know we can’t pretend it never happened,” Dean said.

“I wasn’t pretending,” Castiel said. “I didn’t mention it for your sake. I assumed you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah… not too sure if I can… but this is me, trying.”

“I suppose it is…” Castiel said. He still couldn’t look at Dean.

“So… do you know when-,”

“When I watched you rake the leaves.”

“…When you… what?”

“It was in Fall,” Castiel elaborated. “Back in two thousand and ten. This was… when you were living with Lisa Braeden and her son. When Heaven was on the verge of Civil war, and I had not long after recovered Sam from Hell. I was… desperate. Desperate for an answer. For help. You were the first person I thought of Dean. Of course you were.”

“But… you didn’t come to me…” Dean said. “I would remember that. You went with Crowley instead… you ripped open Purgatory for its souls…”

“I went to you,” Castiel maintained. “But you couldn’t see me. I kept myself hidden. I… I couldn’t bring myself to tear you away from your new life. For once, you looked at peace. You had, miraculously, found a way out of the Hunter’s life. And I couldn’t bear to be the one that brought you back in.”

“You should have,” Dean argued, but with no heat to his voice. This was an argument they had many years ago, now.

“Perhaps… but you know what was strange, Dean? As I watched you there, performing such a simple chore… I felt jealousy. A strange emotion, and one I had yet to fully comprehend… What was I jealous of? At first, I thought, perhaps, I wanted to take your place. To be free of the burden of my responsibilities. No more Heaven, no more fighting between my brothers and sisters… No more apocalypses, no more choosing sides… I thought that, somehow… I wanted to become human. To exist in a world where my biggest worries were taxes and maintaining the yard…”

“I’m guessing by the ‘at first’ that it wasn’t the reason you were jealous?”

“No, it was not,” Castiel agrees. “I was not jealous of you… I was jealous of Lisa. It’s wasn’t your place I wanted to take… it was hers. I wanted to be the one you came home to. I wanted to be the one that laughed with you in the kitchen as we prepared dinner. I wanted to be the one to stand by the window and watch you as you raked the leaves in our yard. I wanted you. It was then… that was when I realized I had fallen for you, Dean Winchester. And in realizing that… I knew I couldn’t take you away from the small piece of happiness you had found. So…”

“So, you went with Crowley…” Dean finished for him.

“Yes… and I believe you know the rest.”

“So… Jesus, that’s… what, ten years? Ten years, Cas? How… how did you hold onto that for so long?”

The corner of Cas’s lips curled up, huffing out a small laugh. “It’s not something I had to ‘hold onto’, more… it was what drove me. No matter how dark or pointless everything seemed… I had to keep trying. Not just because it's the right thing, but because… because you never gave up. Because I had you, and with you I had Sam, I had Jack, I had Claire, and Jody, and… well, through you, I had family. I had a reason.”

“Wow, uh…” Dean mumbled, awkwardly shuffling his legs atop the Impala. “You know, I uh… I’m not used to hearing stuff like that, man. Most girls that throw themselves out me, are, well… let’s say they’re not in it for who I am, more…”

“There is no denying you’re a very attractive human, Dean,” Castiel told him. For some reason, hearing Cas calling him attractive in a way that was – well, Cas like – brought a dusting of red to his face. “But your physical appearance is not the part of you that caught my attention.”

“Is it my plucky attitude?”

Cas pretended that he didn’t hear that amazing comment. “In those times where I see you doubt yourself… when you judge yourself so harshly… I wish I could give you my vision. Your soul, Dean, its… its light is what guided me to you in Hell. Even when we were down there, and you had been twisted by torture… I had never seen anything so beautiful.”

Dean laughed awkwardly – the only reaction he can fall back onto – scratching at the back of his head. “Come on… can’t be that special… I imagine it’s got quite a few blemishes…”

Cas looked to Dean’s steadily reddening face, listening to Dean ramble in his deflections with a soft sigh. “Like I said… if only you could see.”

Dean risked a glance over to Cas, only to see the angel had returned his gaze back to the splattering of stars overhead. He turned his face in the same direction, feeling himself relax as he fell back into a routine he had done many times with Sam. Watching the stars… it was the one consistent moment of peace they were able to find on the road. Throughout all the moments of chaos, traveling from one hunt to another, one shitty rundown motel to another… the night sky was always there, waiting.

Dean watches in awe as a stream of light shoots across the sky, moving so quickly it was gone in a few blinks of an eye. Then there was another. And another. And another, and another. Shooting stars, speeding across the night sky like brushes of white paint across a dark canvas.

“Do you see that Dean?” Castiel asks him calmly, raising a hand to point a finger at the streaming stars. “The stars weep when they see you Dean Winchester, for they know they could never shine as bright.”

The words seem to suck all the air out of his lungs. Dean tears his eyes away from the night sky, looking to Castiel in dumbfoundment that the angel could make such a declaration. Castiel was still looking up at the sky though, that relaxed smile on his face like he hadn’t just said yet another thing that sent Dean’s head spinning.

“I still remember the day God placed the stars in the sky. This Galaxy was the first he made, of course. The Sun was the first part of it created, and was already there before I was created myself… Back then, as you can imagine, God was… he was… I don’t even have the words for it. He was our creator, our father – I don’t think ‘love’ is an adequate enough word.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Dean said. “You didn’t know what Chuck was yet…”

“No, we didn’t. Life on Earth had yet to even begin. Space was just… that. Space. Darkness… One day, God turned to us and said ‘How about we fill in the blanks?’, and then… it was truly remarkable to see, Dean. It took him so long to do, used so much energy… Now, thinking back on it, the time seemed to go by in the blink of an eye, but at the end of it? There was this. What was once a blanket of nothingness was filled with these small dots of light. They seemed so insignificant from afar, but to know they were these giant balls of light… It was then, actually. God had spent all that time working, creating, utterly exhausted, and yet… seeing the stars is, I believe, when he had the idea for Souls. Each more powerful than a hundred suns… There was never doubt from us, and yet when he did it… I didn’t think I would ever get to see something more beautiful than the first soul. I was proven wrong, billions of years later, when I laid eyes upon yours.”

And that’s when Dean knew.

No, not knew… That’s not the right word. It wasn’t like a punch to the gut, kick to the head moment of realization. It wasn’t something that had him running for the hills, doubting everything he thought he knew about himself.

It was more like… accepting. Acknowledging it.

He was in love with Cas.

For all he knew, it could have been as long as Cas had known. It certainly wasn’t ‘love at first sight’ or any crap like that. No, he was downright terrified of Cas the first time he saw him. Maybe a little admiration, sure. It’s not every day you meet an Angel; one that pulled you out of Hell on God’s orders no less. And it sure as hell took him some time after that to warm up to him. But somewhere along the way, this long winding journey of theirs… he had fallen for Cas.

It had come naturally. It wasn’t destiny either. He hated that word. There was no way in hell that Chuck wrote this in as some weird, perverted love story. It just wasn’t his style, because then it would give Dean some little semblance of happiness, and he knows Chuck did all he could to keep him from that.

It didn’t happen all of a sudden. It just… happened.

When he tried to think of himself getting out of the hunter life, settling into that domestic civilian one… he could never see it. Mostly because… he always thought he’d be alone that way. Sam would go on and live his own life, and where would that leave him? Whenever he tried to imagine himself meeting someone, picturing that person by his side… the face was always blank. Which is perhaps why he could never see the whole thing working out. And now, taking in the sight of his angel smiling so peacefully as he recounts the few memories he has of a God that seemed to care… he lets himself feel it. He lets himself fill in the blank face with Cas’s…

And it just fits.

Castiel began talking again, snapping Dean out of his thoughts. “Dreams are fascinating, aren’t they? A survival mechanism built into your subconscious…. Did you know that’s why nightmares are so common? It’s almost like… a form of training. A way for your brain to act out the stresses in your waking life… but then you can also dream of incredible things.”

A smile creeps across Dean’s face as he listens to Cas talk so enthusiastically, watching as he waves his hand to gesture all around them.

“Take this, for example! I know it’s not possible with all humans, and it’s incredibly rare, but the fact that you can sometimes find a way to take control of your dreams! With one single thought, with one wave of the hand-,” Castiel waves his hand across the sky above them, creating another batch of strikingly vivid shooting stars that trailed after his hand. “-You can have anything you desire.”

“Anything, huh?” Dean asks, unable to wipe the giddy smile off his face.

“Yes, anything!” Castiel repeated firmly, finally tearing his eyes from the night sky back down to Dean. “Anything you can-,”

Dean leans across the hood of the Impala, wrapping a hand around Castiel’s familiar blue tie and yanking him closer. Cas’s words stutter off as Dean’s lips crash into his, feeling Dean’s other hand grasping tightly at the lapel of his trench-coat.

Dean tries to fight down his concern that Cas isn’t kissing him back. In fact, Cas isn’t doing much of anything other than sitting there frozen like a block of ice. When he pulls away from Cas, he’s met with blue eyes wider than he’s ever seen, and a look of both awe and horror on the angel's face.

“Why did you do that?” Castiel whispers to him, raising a hand to his still tingling lips.

“That’s kind of a stupid question, isn’t it?” Dean retaliated.

“Dean, you-,” Castiel stops, shaking his head with his eyes scrunched closed. “Please… don’t do it like this… Not like this…”

Dean frowned at the sight of Cas scooting away from him. “What are you talking about, man?”

“I know you feel bad for me…” Castiel said. “I know that you feel guilty for the way things were left when the Empty took me. And now, knowing that I don’t have long left… I don’t want this to happen out of guilt, Dean. Because you think it’s how to say goodbye, or because… because you think it’ll make me feel better.”

“Hey, hey, hey – this ain’t pity,” Dean insists, his frown deepening. “And it sure as hell ain’t a goodbye. I told you Cas; we’re gonna find a way to keep you here. You know why?”

Castiel only stares warily at him in response.

“Because we’re making our own damn destinies now. We’re writing our own story, and guess what, Cas? You’re in mine. We’re gonna get you your body back. Then me and you and gonna take Miracle for long walks in the woods. We’re gonna watch all those classic movies I promised I’d watch with you. We’re gonna have those lazy Sunday mornings where we both try and race each other to make breakfast in bed for the other. I’m going to have those days where I wake up and look at you, and I’m gonna realize just how damn lucky I am that I have your love. And I’m going to kiss you every time I remember that. You know why?”

The cautious hope on Castiel’s face is absolutely heartbreaking to see. Even worse is when he shakes his head. He should know. He should know.

“Because now I know, Cas. I know what those words should have been when you said goodbye to me. I’m not kissing you because I feel bad for you, Cas. I’m kissing you because I love you. It’s as simple as that.”

Castiel blinks rapidly at him for a few moments, the blank and emotionless look on his face doing nothing to soothe Dean’s nerves.

“As simple as…?” Cas rumbles out, the blankness giving way to disbelief, and… wait, was that anger?

“You stupid son of a-,” Castiel growls out before grabbing Dean by the collar of his shirt – who thought for a split second that Castiel was going to take a swing at him. Instead, he’s met with Cas’s lips on his own; an insisting and demanding pressure that took him by surprise. Cas’s hand shifts from his collar, resting atop the scar on his shoulder, where that spark of electricity has him gasping into Cas’s mouth. Dean’s hands find themselves grasping onto the sleeve of Cas’s trench-coat, the other resting on the side of Cas’s face; the sharp scratchiness of Castiel’s stubble against the palm of his hand being a sensation he isn’t used to - but welcomes.

“There is nothing simple about you Dean Winchester,” Castiel takes a moment to break away from his lips to growl at him. “Only you could make something so damn complicated…”

“…Sorry?” Dean meekly offers, the charming smile he usually puts on for girls coming out a bit more lopsided than he intended.

Castiel can only sigh, dropping his head down to rest against Dean’s. Dean lets his eyes slide closed at the comforting contact, taking in deep breaths of air.

“I really am sorry,” Dean whispers to him, his breath warm against the night air as it fans across Castiel’s face. “I can be a little slow at times… it shouldn’t have taken me this long.”

“I’m still not entirely sure this is real,” Castiel admits. “I never even let myself imagine what it would be like, because… I knew it could never happen.”

“I never knew it was something you wanted,” Dean tells him. “I didn’t know it was something you could want. I thought you always saw me… as a friend. A brother.”

“I did. Because that’s the way you saw me. And that was already more than I ever thought I could have.”

Dean’s face softened at that, closing his eyes again so he wouldn’t have to see the enduring pain on Cas’s face. “You deserved so much more, Cas…”

Castiel timidly reaches his hand out, the pads of his fingers brushing against the top of Dean’s hand where it rested atop the Impala’s hood. Dean twists his hand around, letting Cas’s fingers intertwine between his own, another small smile etched across his face as Cas’s thumb wraps around his.

“If I have this?” Castiel says, squeezing Dean’s hand. “I have you? There’s nothing else I could ask for.”

Dean tilts his head down to place another soft kiss on Cas’s lips, lingering there for a moment as he lets himself take in all that is Cas.

“Home…” Dean whispers against Cas’s lips, getting a confused hum from his angel in response.

“Home?”

“That’s what your grace smells likes,” Dean tells him with a lazy grin, brushing his thumb leisurely across Castiel’s hand. “You smell like home.”

Next Chapter - - ->

#destiel #destiel fanfiction #destiel fanfic #destiel fix it #fix it #fix it fic #castiel/dean winchester #Dean Winchester/Castiel #casdean #cas/dean #dean/cas #supernatural spoilers #season 15 spoilers #fluff #angst

[beanie-beebo-writes]

Highway To Hell

Series Summary: An all-too-real nightmare and a missing brother sends Dean, Bobby, and Cas on a frantic search. All the while, what may be a bad dream leads to a probable jump-start to Dean's true worst nightmare, Sam jump-starting the end of the world. Set in season 4; consider this a parallel canonverse fic

Previous chapter, Masterlist

Chapter 10

Dean rubs his eyes as the morning sun slowly comes into view at the bottom steps. He groggily beelines straight for the coffee and notices Bobby sitting in his peripheral vision.

"Morning," Bobby says.

"Morning." Dean replies huskily.

"How ya feeling?" Bobby asks.

Dean actively tunes out the question to the aroma of coffee beans. "Any word on Cas?"

Bobby sighs. "Nothing yet, but I'm working on it. Brother's been quieter this morning too."

"You've been checking on him, right?" Dean asks.

"Who do you think I am, boy?"

Dean raises his arms defensively. "Alright, alright, just checking." He pauses to sip his coffee and listens for Sam. "So, what's the plan for today?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could try to see who else we could summon; get some info."

"Sounds good to me."

Bobby resumes reading lore as Dean rinses out his coffee mug. While Bobby is distracted, he stealthily grabs liquor from the fridge and pours some into his wet mug.

"Hey, spike my coffee too, would ya?" Bobby calls from the other room.

Dean huffs in slight disappointment; Bobby smirks.

"What? Didn't think I would notice?" He asks.

Dean shuts off the water and spikes Bobby's cup. The air is still. All that is heard is the sound of Dean's feet hitting the floorboards as he makes his way into the study.

"Isn't it a bit too quiet?" Bobby asks as Dean sets the drinks down.

Dean stops in his tracks as Bobby confirms his same observation. The observation that Dean originally thought was paranoia, and nothing more. They look up at one another with a sudden terrible feeling inside; it was as if their hearts had sunken into their stomachs.

Sam lay motionless on the safe room floor, confirming their worst suspicions. Bobby instantly drops to the younger sibling's side and begins to asses the situation.

Dean freezes at the sight; the world around him becomes non-existent. He finds himself alongside his brother on the abandoned roads, once again. They both sing off-key to AC/DC, like there isn't a care in the world.

"Asking nothing, leave me be.

Taking everything in my stride.

Don't need reason, don't need rhyme.

Ain't nothing I would rather do.

Going down.."

"Dean!"

Dean looks over to Sammy and everything fades away. The car becomes the basement, and the passenger becomes Bobby. Everything is too real, and it hurts.

"Don't make me have to carry both you and your brother to a bed by myself here! You've got to keep it together for me; for Sam." Bobby says with a hint of forcefulness.

Dean takes a deep breath and abruptly nods. Bobby leads him carefully into the panic room. Dean hitches his breath before remembering Bobby's words.

He swallows the build up of tears. "What's wrong with him? Is he-?"

"No. No, he's not. He's breathing a bit quicker than normal, but not anything to be concerned about yet. He feels a little warm too. I'm assuming that withdrawal from the demon blood put his body in a comatose state. He probably lost consciousness because his body couldn't handle the symptoms." Bobby explains.

"Is he.. Is he gonna be okay?" Dean asks.

Bobby's lips form a tight line. "I'm not sure, but we'll definitely keep a closer eye on him."

Dean stares down at his brother, wanting nothing more than for him to sit up. For Sam to laugh it off, to say it was a joke. That everything was fine, and the world wasn't on the verge of falling apart again.

"Now, could you help me move him to the cot? The gigantuan is hard to maneuver by myself." Bobby says with a smirk.

Dean smirks and slowly hoists up Sam's upper half. His tension dissipates as he feels the familiar thumps along one of Sam's pulse points.

The two hunters stagger with Sam in their arms until they successfully lower him onto the cot, which stood on the other side of the room. They pause momentarily to catch their breath before cuffing Sam's hands to the metal framing. There is no telling what is truly wrong with Sam, or what could occur next.

"I think I'll sleep down here when night falls, just in case." Dean says.

"Not a bad idea; do you want me to?" Bobby asks.

"No, you don't have to. You need a fuller rest than I do." Dean says.

Bobby arches an eyebrow. "I could say the same to you."

Dean averts his eyes after briefly glancing at Bobby.

"I'll just leave you to your brother tonight, since you haven't really been with him in a while." Bobby says with a warm smile.

"Thanks Bobby." Dean says.

"Don't mention it. Let's get back to that coffee."

Bobby grabs some scotch from the fridge and adds it to his already-spiked coffee before sitting behind his desk. Dean is already almost chugging his cup down to the last drop.

"Remember, we have to stay focused, so don't overdo it." Bobby adds.

Dean raises his brows and gestures to the elder hunter's drink.

"I know my body better than you think." Bobby takes a large gulp before continuing. "So I've been thinking, how much can we really trust these winged dickbags Cas is working with?"

"We can't."

"Exactly. So, how do we know they aren't using Lucifer as a pawn, instead of containing him?"

Dean sits up straighter, despite already sitting up as straight as possible. "I was so worried about Sam, I didn't even think of that."

"Well, it's a good thing you got me then, isn't it?" Bobby says with a smirk.

"I don't know what I would do without you, honestly." Dean says.

Bobby playfully cocks an eyebrow. "You ain't getting soft on me, are ya?" He asks.

Dean huffs in amusement. "Anyway, if what you were saying is right, we need backup- someone else's help."

"Bingo. Now, we already tried the angels, or at least one of them. We could risk reaching out to another angel, one that we know isn't for sides," Bobby pauses deliberately.

"..Which is literally no angel other than Cas." Dean finishes.

"Exactly, which means that choice is out. So I dug some more, and figured, maybe we could ask someone who is in constant contact with the angels." Bobby says.

"A prophet." Dean says.

"Yup." Bobby affirms.

"So wait, you're telling me, that those same angels that I saw almost two months ago, might not be saving the universe, but in fact, planning to destroy it?" Chuck restates.

"Yeah." Bobby says.

"Wait, you didn't know anything about this?" Dean asks, leaning closer to the computer screen.

"No! I mean, how could I? The angels don't tell me anything. I get my informations through visions and dreams, I swear." Chuck babbles anxiously.

"It's okay, we believe you," Bobby says, "but is there a way maybe you could spy on them somehow? Like by listening in on angel radio or something?"

Chuck sighs frantically. "I mean, I've never really tried. I don't even know how."

"Damn we could use Cas right now." Dean mutters. "Okay, can you try now? Humor us."

"Uh, I guess.." Chuck says.

Chuck exhales before closing his eyes for a few moments. It isn't long before beads of sweat escape his hairline and his brows furrow. Silence is what drags time forward. His face is red by the time he sits up, completely out of breath.

"I- I can't. I'm sorry." Chuck pants.

"It's okay, Chuck, we can find another way. Just take it easy for a bit, okay?" Bobby says.

"Yeah, thanks. Uh, bye." Chuck says, still panting.

Dean closes the laptop and stares at it. "So, any other ideas?" He asks emotionlessly.

"Yeah, but I don't think you'll like the next one." Bobby says.

"I don't care, lay it on me." Dean says, moving his hands as a signal for Bobby to continue.

"We call a demon, and ask them for their help." Bobby says.

"Are you out of your mind?" Dean fumes.

"I told you that you wouldn't like it." Bobby says.

"Yeah, no kidding Bobby! What do you seriously expect out of that?!" Dean exclaims.

"We have to start somewhere. And unless if you've got any brighter ideas, that's the best I've got." Bobby says.

"Yeah? Well we can't start there, for starters. Because you can't trust those sons of bitches, you just can't." Dean says, pacing in front of Bobby. "Why can't we try a reaper? Another God? Anything, but that."

"Because, reapers deal with death and the veil, not angel crap. And I don't think the deities of different religions would have tabs on goddamn angel radio." Bobby says.

"And why wouldn't they have tabs on it? They always have tabs on one another!" Dean says.

"I think they have more important things to worry about than our God's subjects and His creations. Trust me Dean." Bobby says.

Dean sighs in frustration. "Can't we at least try?" He asks.

"We don't know what type of danger we're really in, Dean. It wouldn't be wise to waste time on options that are too big to tackle. They can probably take over other worlds, other planets. Earth is just a dot on their agenda. With demons? Well, Earth is most of their livelihood." Bobby says.

Dean sighs and throws his hands up in the air. "Fine. But if this doesn't work, we are trying my way. Got it? And no bending over backwards for this wad." He says.

"Fair enough." Bobby says.

#spn #supernatural #spn fanfic #spn genfic #supernatural fanfic #dean #dean winchester #sam #sam winchester #cas #castiel #ruby #bobby singer #lucifer #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #misha collins #spn AU #spn s4 #s4 AU

[yn-dreamlife]

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: angst, like hella angst, fluff

Pairing: Dean x reader

Summary: it’s no secret you and Dean Winchester wanted the apple pie life but what happens when you might not get the chance?

I stared down and all I saw was a red line. The red line I had seen time and time again. The red line that made me feel like I was broken.

Not pregnant.

That’s what it meant. That was the phrase ringing through my mind over and over.

Not pregnant.

I couldn’t conceive. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t conceive? Why was I broken? I have wanted a baby for so long and I finally found the man I want it with. So why? Why couldn’t I finally have it? Hadn’t I gone through enough?

The apocolypse

Losing Dean over and over

Losing Sam over and over

Becoming a vampire and being cured

Dean becoming a demon

Sam becoming soulless

Cas dying

The darkness coming

Lucifer

Michael

I lost my best friend Gabe

Hadn’t. I. Been. Through. Enough?! Hadn’t DEAN been through enough?! Why couldn’t I give him this one thing? This one thing!

“Y/n?” The knock was soft, anxious even. It was Sam I didn’t need to register his voice to know. Dean would have came in. Dean would have busted the door down in excitement. The only reason he wasn’t is because he didn’t know. Sure we had talked about kids but we weren’t actively trying.

I heard the door open and I looked up to see Sam. He had a look of sympathy on his face. I hated that look I loathed that look. I remember the first time I saw that look in a situation like this it was with dean.

Flash back

I can’t remember how long I had been crying. Seconds? hours? It didn’t matter all I knew is Th at my heart was ripping itself a part. From a young age I have always wanted to be a mom. Of course like most people I had the worry about ‘what if I can’t conceive?’ But for some reason I always worried more than others.

“Baby? Sweet heart what’s wrong?” I looked up at my boyfriend.

“D-Dean!” I quickly tried to wipe my tears but I stopped as he gently grabbed my wrists.

“Talk to me.” I looked down. My throat felt like it was closing up on itself, I couldn’t breathe I was being crushed. But I pushed through, even though dean never rushed me.

“You know how we’ve talked about kids?” He nodded brushing his thumb across my cheek. “What if.... what if I can’t have kids? What if I’m really as broken as I always thought? I mean you’ve expressed your want for kids from the begging. I just- what if I can’t give you the one thing you want most?!” The thought alone crushes my soul.

The thought of the look of pain in his eyes if I ever told him I lost his baby. If I ever told him I couldn’t conceive. He would leave me for sure. Hell I know he would because I would.

“Sweet heart... don’t talk like that. There is no one who deserves it more than you. And besides even if you can’t I’ll still love you.” There is was that look. The sympathetic look I soon grew to loathe entirely. It wasn’t like the others this was the look that they only held when it came to me and children.

Flashback ended

“Don’t give me that fucking look Sam. You know I hate that look.”

“Your... your test results came back.” I had never ripped an envolope open so fast in my life. My eyes whipped over the paper until I saw it.

Dear Mrs. y/l/n we are sorry to inform you that you are practically infertile. Meaning you will be unable to bare children due to the tilt in your uterus. We offer you our condolences and hope you will find comfort knowing you are not the only woman who suffers this issue. There are several other options to take as far as having a child such as, adoption, a suragte mother exc. we wish you well.

Infertile

Infertile

Infertile

That stupid word. I knew it. I always fucking knew it. But I still let myself have hope. The paper glider from my hands. As a numbness swept over me. I felt myself falling but before I could Sam had caught me.

“S-Sammy!”

“I’m here y/n. I’m here.”

“H-hurts.”

“What hurts y/n tell me and I’ll fix it.” I could do nothing but grab at my chest. Pulling at my clothes attempting to rip the pain from my heart.

“Hurts.” I whimpered.

“Y/n!” I looked over to the door way of my bedroom and saw dean.

“D-dean. Just stay there man. Just stay there!” Sam spoke quickly before he could move closer. I saw the look of hurt on deans face.

“B-broken.” My hands move to my thighs or any skin I could get and I began clawing at myself. Leaving bright red welts in there wake. I moved my hands up to my hair and tugged. By now dean had stepped forward and grabbed my wrists.

“Baby what’s wrong?! Talk to me!” He was desperate.

“I’m broken!” I cried.

“What do you mean your broken your not broken.” He assured quickly.

“I am! I’m fucking broken! I can’t give you the one god damn thing we both want! I can’t give you a baby dean!” He’s movement stopped. “I’m infertile. The one thing a women has been able to do since the existence of man kind I can’t fucking do!” He pulled me to him.

He held me even as I banged my fists on his chest and he slowly brought us to the ground.

“I’m broken! I’m broken I’m broken I’m broken!” I screamed. And still he held me whispering into my ear how we would get through this and how he loved me and how I wasn’t broke.

“I’m broken.” I whisper before I let darkness encase my vision.

“Dean.” Sam looked down to his brother and watched as he rocked you softly humming a lulabye you sang to him after he had nightmares.

“I still love her Sammy.” The eldest Winchester looked up. His bright green eyes filled with tears.

“I know but... she’s going to try and push you away. She’s going to want to push all of us away. And I know it hurts for you too man but she needs us.”

Dean nodded. “I know. And I promise you,” he looked down to your exhausted form. “I’m never leaving you and we’re going to have a baby.” Dean pressed his lips to your forehead.

“Dean, there is something wrong with y/n.” Both boys jumped slightly at the sudden voice of Cas.

“What are you talking about?”

“She is in high amounts of distress it’s not good for her.”

“She... she just found out she can’t conceive children.” It was sams turn to speak.

The angels face turned solem. “Ah i see. She has expressed her love and want of children for quite some time. I do not understand why my father has not given her that right, even as he loves her so.”

Suddenly rage coursed through the brothers veins.

“Chuck controls this shit!” Dean yelled. He loved you to the bed laying you down. Cas nodded seeming to process the information and he also grew angry.

“Chuck you son if a bitch! I don’t care where you are! The empty, heaven, hell, purgatory, or for fucks sake even somewhere on earth you get your ass over here! If you even give a shit about this girl you’ll come out of family bonding time!”

For a moment no one moved. Dean growled again “and amara! You said you’d give me the thing I wanted most well you forgot something!!” He yelled again. To everyone’s shock amara and chuck both appeared.

“H-hello boys. Nice to see you.” Chuck trying to over look the reason he’s been demanded here. “What’s been going on?”

Dean was on him in a second. He grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the while. Sam put an arm in front of amara shaking his head.

“Why?!” Dean screamed.

“Why what?!”

“Why did you take that right away from her!!”

“From who?!”

“From her!” Cas yelled pointing to you. Chucks face fell. He had not realized just who the eldest Winchester brother had meant.

“She... she’s not meant to-“

“If you say she’s not meant to that’s bullshit! There is no one who deserves a baby more than her! She had put her ass in the line again and again. She’s lost loved ones over and over. She’s been through hell and worse without even going there! And you’re trying to tell me you don’t think she’s meant to?! She’s wanted a baby since she was three years old! Do you realize that?! She’s wanted to have children since she was a fucking child and you took that from her!”

Dean was upset that he to would not be able to have a child but now it seemed much less important about his own wants. He saw the pain it but you through and he was livid.

“Father please. Give it back to her. You claim she is one of your greatest creations and yet you cause her such pain.” Now everyone turned to you. The three celestial beings saw both her soul and body. Her soul was ripping itself apart and in turn her body was trying to do the same. While the brothers could only see the physical damage they could feel it in the very air around you. You where broken on the inside, your soul was broken.

“I do not care what you say I will not sit by and watch this happen.” It was amara who spoke. She walked over to you as you began to stir.

I heard arguing. Dean and Cas where talking to two voices I vaguely recognized. I couldn’t find it in myself to care. When my eye lids fluttered open I was meant with the sight of anara leaning over me. Her eyes kind and her smile gentle.

“I’m going to fix your soul y/n. I’m going to take away your pain.”

“Only one thing will fix me.” I muttered hopelessly.

“I know.” I looked to her shocked and looked down. Her hand was hovering over my lower stomach and a glow was eminating from it. Her other hand moved over my heart. Soon another set of hands joined her own.

I looked over to my right and saw chuck. He had the same look with underlying guilt. His hand moved over my upper stomach and my face. I looked around wildly and saw my three boys.

Cas has a smile that actually managed to reassure me that I was not about to be put out of my misery. Sam had a look of wonder in his eyes. And dean, dean had a look of pure and utter hope. He looked at me and our eyes connected right as I felt something in me shift.

“Dean.” Everyone looked to me. The first word I spoke was the name of the man I loved. I couldn’t put my question into words begging him to know. Needing him to understand. And he did. Of course he did, he always did.

“I’m here y/n. And I’m not leaving. Okay? I love you. And nothing is going to change that, you hear me? Nothing.” I nodded not bothering to hide the tears. I looked around and as Cas looked me up and down his eyes seemed to light up.

“What is it Cas?” Sam must have also notice as he beat me by mere seconds to the question on the tip of my tongue.

“You gave it back to her!” Cas spoke happily looking to his father and aunt. They both nodded.

“Gave what back to me?” I was worried now I hadn’t lost anything.

“Your babies.” My breathe caught.

“B-“ I stopped anger growing slightly. “Shut up don’t joke like that!” I tried to sound angry but part of me knew... part of me knew he was telling the truth. I flung myself out of the bed and into the bathroom slamming the door shut and clicking the lock. I ripped out the pregnancy test box and pulled out about seven.

I peed on each and every one of them.

“Holy shit!” I screamed. I ripped the door open again. Dean looked worried until he saw my face. The grin that was on my face was wide enough to hurt. “I’m fucking pregnant!!” The words only really settled as I was lifted into the air and spun around by dean.

“I’m pregnant I’m pregnant I’m pregnant!!” I squealed jumping up onto the bed. I didn’t care about who was in the room or if it was weird. I was fucking pregnant!

“Thank you!” I jumped down slamming myself into chuck and Amara.

“I’m sorry he ever tried to take them away from you.” I pulled away slightly looking at Amara. “It was when I was let out that you where pregnant. Chuck... well he was being stupid and you lost your baby, well babies as I see now. And I couldn’t stand it any longer so I took action and your boyfriend whipped some sense into him.” I punched chuck square in the nose and kneeed him in the face as he bent down to clutch the now broken part of him. But I simply hugged amara then hugged both Sam and Cas.

I turned back to dean and ran up to him once again. “Your gonna be a dad!” I whispered excitedly.

“And your going to be a mom.” I pulled away.

“What if I’m not a good mom?! What if I have a miscarriage?! What if-“ everyone cut me off.

“No!” They all spoke at once.

“Baby believe me nothing bad is happening to those babies. Because if something does,” the look towards Chuck was enough to get his point across as the man nodded quickly. “And you.... you my love are gonna a bomb ass mother okay? No one deserves this more than you do.”

“No but I can think of someone who deserves it just as much.” He looked at me confused.

“You.” He smiled at me pulling me in for a kiss.

“I love you so much dean wichester.”

“I love you too y/n Winchester.”

“Hey I’m not a I Winchester yet you gotta marry me first!” I spoke laughing lightly but my laughter died in my throat as dean got down on one knew.

“That’s what I’m trying to ask you sweetheart.”

My jaw dropped “this day can’t get any better.” I squealed.

“Is that a yes?” He chuckled

“Of course that’s a yes now stand up so I can kiss your dumb ass!”

And I gotta say, Our life truly was blessed.

———————————————————————

This story totally didn’t make me cry because I’m totally not afraid I can’t have kids. And me and my boyfriend both totally don’t want them so bad that I would actually do this if I found out I couldn’t. And I totally haven’t stayed up crying because I’m worried I can’t.

Pfft.

What.

Fucking crazy.

#angst #supernatural #dean x reader #fluff #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #supernatural x reader