#and that one time he did it with Willie Nelson because she loved his music

[willowbee-brook]

I like when Monk talks about Trudy. He is truly in love with this woman and his expressions of love are for the small details he noticed about her all throughout their time together.

#the poem tree was sweet #playing pusic for her at her grave with his clarinet #and that one time he did it with Willie Nelson because she loved his music #so he loved it too #milehigh #mile high #monk usa #monk #tony shalhoub #adrian monk #sharona fleming #BREAD AND BUTTER #the poems that Trudy wrote in high school were about Monk and he reads them every night #its just the little things #the tiny details he loved about her #willow watches Monk

[prettygirlstothefloor]

Cowboy Carter Review

sorry if i write a lot. i like to yap lol

Ameriican Requiem- i'm a huge sucker for a sitar so i was gripped in from the beginning. i grew up on country music (mainly 90s/early 2000s) and so when she showed up at the CMAs and performed with the chicks it was a childhood dream. but as a person who liked country music around the time 9/11 happened, it's only become even more racist since. the way they treated her that night even though she was one of, if not THE, best performer of the night was so upsetting to watch. even as the best artist on the planet, at the top of her game, she's always going to work a million times harder than any of her peers. i'm so proud of her being able to make a song like to this to put her thoughts out on the whole night that night.

Blackbiird- obviously everyone has heard this song before. i was unaware of the actual backstory to the song since i don't follow the beatles too much (i like george harrison but that's about it lol). i was not aware that the song the song was written for black women during the civil rights movement. i assumed the song was mainly written by john lennon who to my knowledge was kind of a grifter when it came to his activism. having this song come right after ameriican requiem is so poetic.

16 Carriages- shockingly i was able to avoid hearing this song in full until tonight. i tend to only do one single per release and so texas hold em was the one. this song is so heartbreaking because i think about all the kids in the entertainment industry who can probably relate to this song all too well

Protector- these songs she makes for her kids... i'm gonna need her to stop. not because they're bad but i straight up can't listen to blue and probably this song because i want a mom like this 😭

My Rose- i hate that this is an interlude. it's so beautiful and not to be dramatic should've been 10 hours long

Smoke Hour • Willie Nelson- idk what to say about this one lol

Texas Hold 'Em- i love this song. the only problem i have with it is it sounds too clean. like the production sounds too clean. maybe it sounds better on the radio where the quality is lower than streaming but its definitely a song that needs to be played not so isolated.

Bodyguard- there's something in this song. she channeled carole king for this on or something. it's so good instantly a top 20 if not top 10 song of hers through her whole discography.

Dolly P- once again idk what to say about this one its too short to say anything

Jolene- i mean i think the same way about her version as i do about dolly's version. why are we getting mad at these women when we should be getting mad at the men?? take away that beyonce is beyonce for a second. if she was a normal lady and this girl was unaware her man was taken, isn't that more on him than anyone? he's letting it happen.

Daughter- her voice in this song is insanity. the control she has is unmatched truly.

Spaghettii- the beat omgggg. i know this would hit so hard in a mashup with "my house" i'm obsessed.

Alliigator Tears- just from hearing snippets of the country music that's on the radio nowadays, i think this might be one of the few songs from this album that they will eat up. i'm not saying that as a diss at all. i love this song alot especially after a second listen.

Smoke Hour II- i guess i can add on here a random tid bit. i made a country playlist in preperation for the album to come out. i made it on valentine's day. tell me why i named it KNTRY. i didn't even know the "radio station" she has on the album was called that lol.

Just for Fun- i don't listen to lana del rey anymore. i had a small time during last year where i did but then she got real messy again and signed that letter thanking joe biden. that being said this song sounds identical to "norman fucking rockwell". which is a compliment because both are good songs. keep jack antonoff away from beyonce though. that's the good thing about beyonce is she doesn't sound like everyone else which he makes everyone do (yes i am a fan of him but i'm critical of his production lol)

II Most Wanted- i'm sorry i've never been a fan of miley cyrus (except for the song she did for black mirror and that one EP she put out). i want to like this song because i like aspects of the song but it being a miley cyrus song with a beyonce feature is not want i want.

Levii's Jeans- this is also a collab i'm not a fan of. i actually enjoy post malone but i would've liked to see them in a more upbeat song.

Flamenco- idk how to take this song. it's stunning as usual. my thoughts on the lyrics though is she's kinda talking to fans maybe like the OG like destiny's child fans who have started to leave because she's starting to experiment more with her sound and they miss her old sound. i would love to know her take on this song in particular. because i know so many artists who decide to change their sound throughout each release are terrified of losing fans because they're so stuck on a certain sound.

The Linda Martell Show- another one i can't say much on since it's an interlude

Ya Ya- now.... remember what i said about bodyguard??? easily top 10. idk where on my ranking but it's there. the interpolation of "these boots were made for walking" and "good vibrations". there's something about that old soul rock sound that gets me every single time. i know that it doesn't sound anything alike but "freedom" has that same vibe, where it takes alot from old 60s blues soul rock. this is gonna hit so good on tour!

Oh Louisiana- i will say i really like this interlude. second favorite out of the ones with actual music

Desert Eagle- another song she chose to make extremely short when it should've been hours long... come on B

Riiverdance- its a fun and cute song. i think the beat is good but i think i like it more on my first listen.

II Hands II Heaven- i'm hoping this will finally click for me. im seeing everyone really love this song but idk whats not clicking for me. i'll definitely keep listening to it though maybe someday.

Tyrant- someone said this is the thique of cowboy carter and yeah i can definitely hear it. it's a sexy song and it's a fun song. definitely like it alot more after a second listen

Sweet • Honey • Buckiin'- her sampling "i fall to pieces" in this song is so special to me. i do want someone to take this "honey" and add it to the end of pure/honey though i wonder if it would sound any good. i think sweet and buckiin are the best songs out of the three of these.

Amen- i love how this really rounds out the album, calling back to the first song. it feels and is a very emotional song. don't know if i'll go back to it only because i think it could make me cry lol

overall, i think it's a solid album. if we're comparing the acts, which idk how you can because they're two distinctly different sounds, i would probably still go with renaissance but there's still so many solid songs on this album that are now some of my top faves. usually i rate out of 10 but it feels too low tbh, so i'm rating it out of 100. it will definitely grow on me just like renaissance did. 89/100.

#beyonce #cowboy carter #ameriican requiem #blackbiird #16 carriages #protector #my rose #smoke hour willie nelson #texas hold em #bodyguard #dolly p #jolene #daughter #spaghettii #alliigator tears #smoke hour ii #just for fun #ii most wanted #levii's jeans #flamenco #the linda martell show #ya ya #oh louisiana #desert eagle #riiverdance #ii hands ii heaven #tyrant #sweet honey buckiin #amen #miley cyrus

[cleoselene]

tagged by @emmaswanned

Last song: "BODYGUARD" by Beyonce is what is currently playing

Favorite color: green mostly but also like. Cubbie blue.

Currently Watching/Reading:

watching: it's baseball season so I'm back on that mostly. However I am watching Lost for the first time, but I need to pick it back up. Got delayed in continue for really uninteresting reasons, but i got Hulu and so I can pick it up. I watched nine episodes and I like it!

pretty much all I ever read is the news, and my subscription is to Washington Post, but my friend Slim (he of the "not in Fall Out Boy, but did do an freakin' amazing blues cover of Taylor Swift's 'Mean' you shoud listen to it" fame on my blog) wrote a poetry book and he hasn't gone to press yet but hesent me the pdf. It's beautiful. Slim is a beautiful soul. the kind of person who would give you the shirt off his back if you asked. Don't know if I've ever known a more genuinely generous soul. And he's talented as fuck! Check out his two original EPs they're on all the streaming services, he is Slimtronic 5k. Here's his cover of Taylor's "Mean," everyone go listen! He asked me what Taylor song he should cover and I thought long and hard and decided this had to be it, because he is the type of person to say "why you gotta be so mean?" because he's all about the love and kindness. Like, Dude from Big Lebowski vibes.

been obsessively listening to COWBOY CARTER. DAUGHTER is the one that destroys me. When she goes into that fuckin operatic voice? I had NO clue Beyonce had that kind of high voice in her. her singing and speaking voice too has always been this throaty, deep voice. To hear her suddenly break into Italian on a totally different octave than we've ever heard from Beyonce was MIND BLOWING. I got all goose-bumpy. Plus I loooove the Willie Nelson cameos hahah he is so clearly stoned out of his gourd. "Go find yourself a jukebox, thank yoU!"

watched the 9 part Turning Point Cold War doc on netflix, it was excellent. Then I watched the 9/11 one made by the same people and i felt like that one actually skipped a ton of important events? It wasn't as good I didn't feel

Relationship status: i am retired

Sweet/savory/spicy: savory though as middle age happens and perimenopause continues... the sweet tooth my mother promised was coming has kind of hit

Current obsessions: my vinyl collection. New music the theme for March and April! I cannot wait for TTPD, I feel like it's going to be what I wanted Midnights to be ut who know? Just excited about it. Again, baseball started this week so the sheen hasn't worn off there.

Last thing you googled: 'Three Dog Night wiki' lol I have three dogs (little ones at least) sleeping in my room. it is a three dog night. Did you knwo the name of that band comes from olden days when inns used to rent out dogs to sleep with on cold nights? So a "three dog night" was an exceptionally cold one since you needed to rent three dogs to sleep with you and keep you warm

tagging @sylvieons @an-ivy-covered-summer

#memes #thanks for tagging miss swan #Youtube

[correlance]

On a classic music binge today with "Crazy" by Patsy Cline (1961).

"Willie [Nelson] wrote and was writing at that time, early '60s, very different songs from typical country music fare," says Paul Kingsbury, a music historian at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. "Instead of the usual three or four chords that were just major chords and sevenths, he was writing 'Crazy' with jazzy minor sevenths, major sevenths, minors. If you count the chords, there are about seven chords in 'Crazy,' very different for a country song at the time. And also Willie wrote some great lyrics. There are some wonderful alliteration in that, and Willie was going through his own romantic troubles with his wife, Martha, at the time, and you hear that in his songs like 'Crazy' and 'Hello Walls.'"

Owen Bradley had plans for "Crazy". He wanted to produce a new form of country music. He had a number of innovations in mind. He wanted a background vocal to add richness and sophistication, so he brought in The Jordanaires, who also recorded with Elvis Presley. He hired a young piano player, Floyd Cramer, who provided what the other musicians referred to as "tinkling".

He had a bass guitar, which added a kind of jazzy percussion to the mix. And he set aside a whole recording session just to work out the background sound, without Patsy's vocal. That was added a week later. That doesn't sound complex by today's standards, but at a time when four songs were produced in an average afternoon session, it was incredible attention to detail.

We asked three of the session musicians who were on the original recording of "Crazy" to talk to us about it. They are Bob Moore, the bass player, Gordon Stoker, the top voice of The Jordanaires, and guitarist Harold Bradley, whose brother Owen produced the record. As they always did, they worked that day from a demo, a fairly unadorned version of Willie Nelson singing "Crazy". Patsy Cline was there while the musicians and Owen Bradley tried out the song, and, Gordon Stoker told us, she was not impressed.

"I remember when Patsy heard the demo, she said, 'Look, Hoss, there ain't no way I could sing it like that guy's a-singing it,'" Stoker says. "I always got such a kick out of the way she talked. Phrasing. The phrasing of it. The way he cut his words off and choppy. She didn't want to do it like that. She wasn't going to do it that way."

[...] "When they got the hit 'I Fall to Pieces,' they didn't have any more arguments," Moore says. "But before that, there were some arguments and disagreements. And one of the things, I think, was something Owen did was to make her slow down the songs. And she didn't want to slow them down. And when you slow them down, she'd put a lot of feeling in there, but sometimes I thought she just had a lot of feeling 'cause she was kind of mad at Owen because, you know, she wasn't really thrilled over doing something that slow."

[...] "Patsy [Cline] had incredible vocal technique," says Kingsbury. "She was a very powerful singer and very versatile, capable of growling or purring, vaulting octaves with ease. But beyond just the raw technique, Patsy was able to give you a window into her soul. You feel that you're hearing exactly how Patsy feels, almost as if she were a neighbor coming over for a cup of coffee, and spilling her heart out to you."

[...] "I remember how much I loved it," Mr. Stoker says. "I know I remember that. I remember I was pleasantly surprised at how great she did it, with how much feeling she did it."

There is a music legend about "Crazy" that it was recorded in one take. That's true and not true. The studio musicians recorded their part after what they felt was a good amount of rehearsing and experimentation. But when Patsy Cline came in a week later to record the vocal of "Crazy", she did sing it only once. That one version is magical, and it's still selling records. Young singers are still measuring their own efforts against hers. Country singer Kathy Mattea treasures the idea that a woman like Patsy Cline could walk into a studio and sing "Crazy" one time from the heart.

"One of the downsides of technology is that it has allowed us not to believe in magic anymore," says Kathy Mattea. "And when music is at its best, it's like throwing up a butterfly net and catching a moment in time. And, you know, when you work it too hard and make it too perfect, you know, it's like you don't see the forest for the trees. Sometimes the flaws in something or the moments where it's not perfect are what makes it special."

#patsy cline #classic country #classic jazz #Youtube

[casualreginaspectator]

Easily some of the best things I've gotten from exes/past relationships in general has been new music. Some of my favorite songs and genres I either got directly from someone I was dating, or found it because I'd listen to their playlists and then get recommended similar music. It used to make me sad, listening to old songs that reminded me of someone I was so close to, but I've since started to remember what drew me to the song in the first place. It was never necessarily because it was something I'd have listened to on my own in that stage of life, but because shared music is incredibly intimate. Listening to another person's music is like taking a little peak into what makes them click.

My first big crush in middle school listened to Owl City adamantly. One of my first CDs was Owl City because of him. I'd never listen to it now, but every time I hear one of those songs I smile a little and think about him.

For a while during my sophomore year I dated this guy who was a little bit blue-collar. To this day he's one of the sweetest, most pure-hearted people I've ever met. He listened to country music, not the twangy pop style kind that's out now, but old stuff: Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, some Buck Owens. I've always been pretty hard-set in that I'll listen to just about everything except for country and rap-pop. But I'd listen to his country songs in his truck, or he'd play sometime on his guitar - once he did this solo in a talent show, and looked me right in the eyes the whole time - and it made sense to me. I don't remember the song, but I remember watching him watching me in that audience and knowing the soul behind that soft, hard-worn style.

"Fly Me to the Moon" by Sinatra was my song with the first boy who assaulted me. It was a trigger for over a year after we broke up. He joined my choir that year, and we'd always sing that song during Valentine's day for quips and gigs we did around town. I hated hearing him behind me, listening to a song that I thought meant love but suddenly meant fear. After going through therapy that stopped, and I started to love the song again, for what it was. I still hate what it's linked to, but it's simple, and melodic, and romantic. More recently I dated a boy who loved Sinatra, and all the old classic stars. I met him through a different choir, and I remember maybe a month in sending him a video of me singing jazz improv on "Fly Me." We had one of those shared playlists for a while too, where we added music we thought the other would like, and then listened to it all in one. We never found a duet to sing together, but once I snuck out to his family's cabin with him and we sat in an upstairs bedroom, summer light dulling the colors in the room, watching him play the guitar and smiling at me while singing "Just the Two of Us" by Bill Whithers. I still dance when it comes on.

Another boy I liked listened to a lot of the 2000s indie rock pop, the stuff that feels like a boy band too edgy to be a boy band sang it, with the kinds of songs you'd expect to hear in the opening credits of a rebellious teen movie from the same era. I'm talking "No Good Nina," and "She's So Mean," stuff by Toploader and Electric Guest and Train. There was a lot of soft pop too, some Tai Verdes before he got swept into the charts, and Glass Animals, and a troubling amount of fun. Most of it's feel-good music, stuff to boost my serotonin in that teenage dirtbag, summer loving kinda way. Some of it's sad. A lot of it is good.

Even old friendships have given me so much music. My best friend in middle school and early high school introduced me to the quirky and slightly derranged world of electro pop. My favorites were The Scary Jokes; the first song I heard was "Icicles" and it make me want to off someone in a manicly bright, Harley Quinn kind of way. One of my best friends as of late has introduced me to a lot of queer music, and nourished a taste for Girl in Red, Cavetown, King Princess, and my favorite, Mother Mother. I wish I could listen to Mother Mother for the first time, I wish I could listen to "Ghosting" all over again just so I could get floored by the transitions and the pacing.

I hooked up with a guy I met on a dating app a couple times who had quite possibly the best sex playlist I could have dreamed of. Pheobie Bridgers, Frank Ocean, a little Rex Orange County when appropriate. We don't talk anymore, but that playlist is still in my "recently played" section. I want to make my own chill, soft, musical sex playlist, and I want it to be a lot like his.

The person I'm with now has maybe the closest in music tastes to my own I've ever seen in a person, besides my mother. He's shared me a flip-side to indie folk, stomp and holler, bedroom pop. A lot of it's the same. It's a little moodier, feels like a wet autumn, like a walk through a deciduous forest after the rain, with the sun doing that thing it does where it'll beam straight through the cookie cutter holes leaves make in the foliage sky. It feels like dew, a little shy. Sometimes when we're lying together, or once where we slow danced into the silence and wind, he'll whistle or hum, lightly under his breath. Usually I don't know the song, and sometimes I'll ask. Both our birthdays are in October; he's just four days my senior. He'll leave soon, that's inevitable. But I know once he's gone in the way that he will be, I'll still have his music.

It's like I've stolen little pieces from these people, from these lovers and friends. It's not like jewelry or dried flowers or drawings you get, which were just bought or created specifically for me, and were meant for that relationship. Music is a part of you, fluid as you move through time, but defining in the way it wraps around a person's figure. I've taken little pieces of who they were and pulled it, like threads, into a little weave of my own. And I know some of them have taken songs from me too. I wonder if they make them sad still, or if they remember why we sang them together on late night drives, at school dances, waiting between classes, and sitting on blankets under wide open skies. Part of me hopes it's both. But I don't think wishing that melancholy takes away anything from the sweet nostalgia that all these songs seem to bring.

#writing #music #journal #thoughts #relationships #friendship #lovers #nostalgic #spotify #playlist #music songs #people #love #remembering #reminisce #women writers #long post

[1962dude420-blog]

Today we remember the passing of Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton who Died: July 25, 1984 in Los Angeles, California

Willie Mae Thornton (December 11, 1926 – July 25, 1984), better known as Big Mama Thornton, was an American rhythm-and-blues singer and songwriter. She was the first to record Leiber and Stoller's "Hound Dog", in 1952,which became her biggest hit, staying seven weeks at number one on the Billboard R&B chart in 1953 and selling almost two million copies. Thornton's other recordings included the original version of "Ball and Chain", which she wrote.

Her recording of Hound Dog, written by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller in 1952, and later recorded by Elvis Presley, reached Number 1 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart. According to Maureen Mahon, a music professor at New York University, "the song is seen as an important beginning of rock-and-roll, especially in its use of the guitar as the key instrument".

Thornton's birth certificate states that she was born in Ariton, Alabama, but in an interview with Chris Strachwitz, she claimed Montgomery, Alabama, as her birthplace, probably because Montgomery was better known than Ariton. She was introduced to music in a Baptist church, where her father was a minister and her mother a singer. She and her six siblings began to sing at early ages. Her mother died young, and Willie Mae left school and got a job washing and cleaning spittoons in a local tavern. In 1940 she left home and, with the help of Diamond Teeth Mary, joined Sammy Green's Hot Harlem Revue and was soon billed as the "New Bessie Smith". Her musical education started in the church but continued through her observation of the rhythm-and-blues singers Bessie Smith and Memphis Minnie, whom she deeply admired.

Thornton's career began to take off when she moved to Houston in 1948. "A new kind of popular blues was coming out of the clubs in Texas and Los Angeles, full of brass horns, jumpy rhythms, and wisecracking lyrics." In 1951 she signed a recording contract with Peacock Records and performed at the Apollo Theater in 1952. Also in 1952, while working with another Peacock artist Johnny Otis, she recorded "Hound Dog", the first record produced by its writers Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The pair were present at the recording, with Leiber demonstrating the song in the vocal style they had envisioned; "We wanted her to growl it," Stoller said, which she did. Otis played drums, after the original drummer was unable to play an adequate part. The record sold more than half a million copies, and went to number one on the R&B chart, helping to bring in the dawn of rock 'n' roll. Although the record made Thornton a star, she saw little of the profits.

On Christmas Day 1954 in a theatre in Houston, Texas, she witnessed fellow performer Johnny Ace, also signed to Duke and Peacock record labels, accidentally shoot and kill himself while playing with a .22 pistol. Thornton continued to record for Peacock until 1957 and performed in R&B package tours with Junior Parker and Esther Phillips.

Thornton's success with "Hound Dog" was followed three years later by Elvis Presley recording his hit version of the song. His recording at first annoyed Leiber who wrote, "I have no idea what that rabbit business is all about. The song is not about a dog, it's about a man, a freeloading gigolo." But Elvis' version sold ten million copies, so today few fans know that "Hound Dog" began as "an anthem of black female power." Similarly, Thornton originally recorded her song "Ball 'n' Chain" for Bay-Tone Records in the early 1960s, "and though the label chose not to release the song... they did hold on to the copyright"—which meant that Thornton missed out on the publishing royalties when Janis Joplin recorded the song later in the decade. However, in a 1972 interview, Thornton acknowledged giving Joplin permission to record the song and receiving royalty payments from its sales.

As her career began to fade in the late 1950s and early 1960s, she left Houston and relocated to the San Francisco Bay area, "playing clubs in San Francisco and L.A. and recording for a succession of labels", notably the Berkeley-based Arhoolie Records. In 1965, she toured with the American Folk Blues Festival in Europe, where her success was notable "because very few female blues singers at that time had ever enjoyed success across the Atlantic." While in England that year, she recorded her first album for Arhoolie, Big Mama Thornton – In Europe. It featured backing by blues veterans Buddy Guy (guitar), Fred Below (drums), Eddie Boyd (keyboards), Jimmy Lee Robinson (bass), and Walter "Shakey" Horton (harmonica), except for three songs on which Fred McDowell provided acoustic slide guitar.

In 1966, Thornton recorded her second album for Arhoolie, Big Mama Thornton with the Muddy Waters Blues Band – 1966, with Muddy Waters (guitar), Sammy Lawhorn (guitar), James Cotton (harmonica), Otis Spann (piano), Luther Johnson (bass guitar), and Francis Clay (drums). She performed at the Monterey Jazz Festival in 1966 and 1968. Her last album for Arhoolie, Ball n' Chain, was released in 1968. It was made up of tracks from her two previous albums, plus her composition "Ball and Chain" and the standard "Wade in the Water". A small combo, including her frequent guitarist Edward "Bee" Houston, provided backup for the two songs. Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company's performance of "Ball 'n' Chain" at the Monterey Pop Festival in 1967 and the release of the song on their number one album Cheap Thrills renewed interest in Thornton's career.

By 1969, Thornton had signed with Mercury Records, which released her most successful album, Stronger Than Dirt, which reached number 198 in the Billboard Top 200 record chart. Thornton had now signed a contract with Pentagram Records and could finally fulfill one of her biggest dreams. A blues woman and the daughter of a preacher, Thornton loved the blues and what she called the "good singing" of gospel artists like the Dixie Hummingbirds and Mahalia Jackson. She had always wanted to record a gospel record, and with the album Saved (PE 10005), she achieved that longtime goal. The album includes the gospel classics "Oh, Happy Day," "Down By The Riverside," "Glory, Glory Hallelujah," "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands," "Lord Save Me," "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot," "One More River" and "Go Down Moses".

By then, the American blues revival had come to an end. While the original blues acts like Thornton mostly played smaller venues, younger people played their versions of blues in massive arenas for big money. Since the blues had seeped into other genres of music, the blues musician no longer needed impoverishment or geography for substantiation; the style was enough. While at home the offers became fewer and smaller, things changed for good in 1972, when Thornton was asked to rejoin the American Folk Blues Festival tour. She thought of Europe as a good place for herself, and, with the lack of engagements in the United States, she agreed happily. The tour, beginning on March 2, took Thornton to Germany, France, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, the Netherlands, Denmark, Norway, Finland, and Sweden, where it ended on March 27 in Stockholm. With her on the bill were Eddie Boyd, Big Joe Williams, Robert Pete Williams, T- Bone Walker, Paul Lenart, Hartley Severns, Edward Taylor and Vinton Johnson. As in 1965, they garnered recognition and respect from other musicians who wanted to see them.

In the 1970s, years of heavy drinking began to damage Thornton's health. She was in a serious auto accident but recovered to perform at the 1973 Newport Jazz Festival with Muddy Waters, B.B. King, and Eddie "Cleanhead" Vinson (a recording of this performance, The Blues—A Real Summit Meeting, was released by Buddha Records). Thornton's last albums were Jail and Sassy Mama for Vanguard Records in 1975. Other songs from the recording session were released in 2000 on Big Mama Swings. Jail captured her performances during mid-1970s concerts at two prisons in the northwestern United States. She was backed by a blues ensemble that featured sustained jams by George "Harmonica" Smith and included the guitarists Doug MacLeod, Bee Houston and Steve Wachsman; the drummer Todd Nelson; the saxophonist Bill Potter; the bassist Bruce Sieverson; and the pianist J. D. Nicholson. She toured extensively through the United States and Canada, played at the Juneteenth Blues Fest in Houston and shared the bill with John Lee Hooker. She performed at the San Francisco Blues Festival in 1979 and the Newport Jazz Festival in 1980. In the early 1970s, Thornton's sexual proclivities became a question among blues fans. Big Mama also performed in the "Blues Is a Woman" concert that year, alongside classic blues legend Sippie Wallace, sporting a man's three-piece suit, straw hat, and gold watch. She sat at center stage and played pieces she wanted to play, which were not on the program. Thornton took part in the Tribal Stomp at Monterey Fairgrounds, the Third Annual Sacramento Blues Festival, and the Los Angeles Bicentennial Blues with BB King and Muddy Waters. She was a guest on an ABC-TV special hosted by actor Hal Holbrook and was joined by Aretha Franklin and toured through the club scene. She was also part of the award-winning PBS television special Three Generations of the blues with Sippie Wallace and Jeannie Cheatham.

Thornton was found dead at age 57 by medical personnel in a Los Angeles boarding house on July 25, 1984. She died of heart and liver disorders due to her longstanding alcohol abuse.

#July 25 #1984 #R.I.P. #Big Mama Thornton

[axelbluesworld]

Alone in the lake

Riley sat on the floor of her room staring at nothing, this whole week had been very stressful, and the worst thing was that Jack had died.

Many times she said that she hated most of the things that Jack did. She hadn't realized then that those little things were the most missed of him.

His irritating laugh, his constant jokes, his jokes and references to old movies, his obsession with rock and his great love for Brus Willis

Her phone rang on the ground for the third time in the last hour, but she didn't bother to pick it up because she knew exactly who the call was from.

Mac had been calling her all day, and all she did was ignore him, she didn't want to talk to him or anyone else unless it was Jack, but he was gone.

She tries to suppress her feelings and let go of the worst pain, which is extremely difficult.

Without realizing it, tears were already falling freely down her cheeks after almost 3 years, and the only time she was able to see him again was from inside a coffin.

Once again, her phone vibrated on the ground, and finally, giving up, she decided to answer.

"What do you want, Mac?" she asked

"I just wants to talk to you Riles, I need to know how you are," Mac said.

"I'm completely fine, you don't have to worry," Riley said calmly.

"Riles ..." before Mac could say anything else, she hung up.

She hit her head against the wall and groaned in annoyance. She wasn't sure who she was upset with, she just knew she was upset.

At that moment she hated the whole world for every second she was away from Jack, she was sad, angry and hurt.

She didn't know how long it had been since she was sitting on the ground and she didn't care at the time.

Suddenly, she heard a sound coming from the hall, immediately became alert and walked to see who it was.

She picked up a baseball bat from her room and walked down the hall. She put the bat down when she saw the person in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked a little annoyed.

"I needed to see you" answered Mac

"How did you get inside?" she demanded

Mac simply smiled and showed her a small hair clip that was now bent over.

"Why don't you imagine it?" She rolled her eyes and went back to her room.

"Where do you think you are going?" Mac said, taking her hand.

"To my room, and if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone," Riley said.

"Riley, I just want to help you" said Mac

"Mac, I really appreciate that you want to help me, but I'm completely fine," Riley said.

"I know you are not, I know you Riles" said Mac

Riley just lowered her head and sighed as she looked at the ground, Mac walked over to her and wrapped her in his arms.

"Talk to me, Riley." said Mac

"It's so hard to get over all of this, he promised me that we would spend all our time together when he comes back and I didn't know at the time that that was the last I would hear from him, I miss him so much," Riley said.

"Riley, I know that losing Jack is one of the hardest things that can happen to us, but I promise you that from now on everything is fine, fine, I will be with you at all times, and we will overcome this pain together" said Mac

"Mac, this is more complicated, Jack was one of the most important people to me, but you've already lost a lot of people, I don't want to bother you with my pain too" said Riley

"Riles, you and I are a bundle, remember? We support each other no matter what, I'll be there for you as you will be here for me, I don't want you to be sad Riley," Mac said.

Riley shed several tears, Mac looked into her eyes and gently wiped away the tears that had stained her cheek. They stayed like this for a couple of minutes, just hugging.

"Let me take you somewhere," Mac said out of nowhere.

"where?" Riley asked

"Don't ask, it's a special place," Mac said.

"It's too late," Riley said when she saw that it was 9 PM.

"Do you have time to sleep," Mac joked.

"Okay, but tell me where will you take me" he asked again.

"I won't tell you," Mac said.

Mac led Riley to his car, and they were both silent for a couple of minutes, Riley watched as Mac turned on the radio and then Wilie Nelson's music began to play.

"Wilie nelson?" Riley asked a little amused.

"Jack liked it, this music makes me remember him," Mac said.

"I remember" she smiled a little but became serious again.

Mac drove in silence for a couple of minutes while Riley just stared out. Riley moved from her place and looked at Mac with a serious expression.

"Why are we leaving town?" asked Riley

"you will see?" He playfully winked at her

"Are you planning to kill me?" Riley asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, where i'm taking you, no one will be able to find your body," Mac joked

Riley shook her head and leaned her arm against the window to look out, they drove about 25 minutes until they finally reached their destination.

The place was a forest quite far from the city and the people themselves, everything around it was very dark, and the only thing that lit up were the lights of Mac's car.

"where we are?" Riley asked when he got out of the car.

"you'll see" said the words from before

Mac took a flashlight from the car and guided her down a path that was there in the woods, Mac held her hand as they walked through that dark place.

After a few minutes they came to a clearing in the middle of that forest, but the clearing was not the only thing there, right there was a small pond that was illuminated by the light of the moon.

"Where are we Mac?" Riley asked him again.

"It's a place that Jack and I found a few years ago, he and I used to come here to get rid of the stress of work," Mac explained.

"So this is where you two disappeared when no one found you," Riley said.

"Jack said he wanted to keep this place a secret from everyone else. He and I were very close, sometimes we just need a place where he and I can be alone," said Mac

"Why did you bring me here?" Riley asked

"Because you need what I needed years ago, a quiet place and someone to help you overcome the pain, I know you are a very strong woman, Riley but I want you to know that sometimes it is okay to cry when you feel sad, Jack was the only person I went to when I felt bad and we both came here and since he left the only person that has been for me has been you and you should know that now I will be the one who is there for you "said Mac

Before Mac could say, anything else, Riley threw herself into his arms to hug him, Mac immediately returned the hug, wrapping his arms around her.

"Thanks Mac, thanks for bringing me here" she said against his neck

"Anytime, Riles" Mac gently kissed her head

They stayed like this for another minute until Mac picked her up off the ground, and she panicked because she knew what she was about to do.

"Mac, put me down, don't you dare do it" Riley yelled, hitting him on the shoulder.

Mac just ignored what she said and took her to the lake and then threw her into the water.

"You are a fool" she yelled annoyed

"But that's how you love me" scoffed Mac

Riley was not happy, and without him being able to do something, she took his legs and made him fall into the water as well.

They spent most of the night in that little pond enjoying a quiet and fun time.

When it was 2 in the morning, they were both in their underwear by the fire that Mac had made to dry their clothes.

Neither of them was bothered by the fact that they were both literally in their underwear, they had seen each other half naked before and there was no one around, so they were fine for the moment.

Riley lay down on the ground to get a perfect view of the stars. She looked at Mac who was looking at her.

"That's a children's story, but right now I want to believe that Jack is up there next to the stars, watching us from above," Riley said without taking her eyes off the stars

“When I was a kid, I believed it, and maybe I still do. So when I was little, I really liked astronomy, I thought my mother was there somewhere, "Mac said.

"Maybe she is, she and Jack must be up there" she said pointing to the stars.

Mac got up from his place and took his clothes since he was close now and started dressing. Riley did the same as well and followed Mac to the water's edge where Mac had sat.

They both stayed a few minutes just looking at the water, the stars and the moon were reflected in it, and it was a spectacular sight.

"I love you," Mac said out of nowhere.

"what?" asked Riley surprised

"I love you, I love you as more than a friend Riles, I know you don't see me the same way, but right now I don't want to keep this to myself" said Mac beside him.

"Seriously?" Riley asked

"Yeah, I've been in love with you for a while, and I never had the guts to tell you," Mac said.

He turned to look into her eyes and Mac put his hands on her cheek and slowly approached her, Riley didn't know how she reacted to everything she had just said, it was what she had wanted for so long and now she could have done it . that, and that made him nervous.

"Can I kiss you even once?" Mac begged inches from his face.

Without thinking twice, she nodded and slowly her lips met his.

It was such a soft, sweet, tender, affectionate, intimate kiss, there were so many emotions in that simple kiss. Riley gently ran her hands through Mac's hair as one of Mac's hands rested on his waist while the other rested on his neck.

They parted when shortness of breath was present, but kept their foreheads together, Riley looked Mac in the eye and leaned in closer to wrap her arms around him for a hug.

"I like you too, I love you too" he said

"in cerium?" asked Mac

"very cerium" said Riley

Mac moved to leave the hug and stand up, reached out to help her up.

"There's something else I want you to see," Mac said.

"What?" she asked

"Come with me" Mac took her hand and led her to a nearby tree.

On the tree were engraved the letters "M + J" and just below were other letters "BFF" she knew what each of the letters that were there meant

He looked at Mac and saw small tears trickle down his cheek. He smiled a little and then saw her.

"Jack wrote this the first time we came to this place, he put the M for Mac and the J for Jack, which are the initials of our name, and then he put the BFF which stands for best friends forever," Mac said.

"Typical Jack," Riley said with a smile.

Mac smiled back, pulled out his knife before crouching in front of the tree. Riley watched him do worse, wasn't sure until he got up.

Mac had engraved the letters "R + M" with a heart next to his initials.

When he stood next to her, she jumped up in his arms and kissed him on the lips. When they walked away, Riley smiled at him and he took her hand to lead her to the water's edge.

"I wish Jack was here" said Riley

"Me too, but now I'm happy because I have you" said Mac

They both enjoyed that moment alone at the lake, they missed Jack, but now they knew that everything was going to be fine because they had each other.

#macgyver #mac x riley #macriley #riley davis #angus macgyver #jack dalton

[litwitlady]

Send Me Home (1/?)

Read on AO3.

‘The Braves are down to their last at bat, Jeff. And it’s Michael Guerin in the on-deck circle. What’s Ramon’s strategy here? Does he try to jam him up inside or keep firing fastballs and hope Guerin can’t catch up?’

It’s September in Atlanta and the Braves are playing the Marlins. Every game counts as both teams vy for a spot in October baseball. Michael Guerin is a lead candidate for MVP, and he’s always a threat in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and the bases loaded. The sellout crowd roars as his walk-up music begins to play.

I was born to the desert And to the desert I’ll return Sun-soaked and leathered Tattered and tethered Send me home, send me home, send me home

‘Ramon’s got that curveball, Chip. I’m not sure Guerin’s ever met a fastball he couldn’t hit. Especially in the bottom of the ninth. So, I think Ramon starts with the curveball even if that’s exactly what Guerin’s expecting.’

Michael steps into the batter’s box and takes a couple of quick practice swings, eyes wide and watching Ramon’s every move. He squares his hips and lowers his hands on the bat just a touch. It’s an adjustment he’s been working on for the past month or so with great success. Ramon lets loose his first pitch. As expected, it’s a nasty curveball and a pitch Michael has struck out on more than once during his twelve year career. But this time he’s prepared and anticipates perfectly where the bottom of the curve will land. He shoots a laser to shallow right field, and it drops in for a walk-off single. The dugout empties and everyone tackles him as he crosses home plate, one game closer to October.

--------

Later that night, Michael sits on the tailgate of his Chevy, beer in hand and staring up at the stars like so many nights before. Several of the guys had harassed him about going out to celebrate, but he’s not in the mood. He’s never in the mood these days. The winning still feels good and the possibility of the MVP is a dream. But for a long time now, he’s felt like there’s something missing in his life. Something essential, something elusive, something just out of his reach.

The truth is that he’s lonely. It’s a truth he can admit to himself when he’s alone underneath the cosmos watching the stars blink down at him against the wide expanse of space.

There have been relationships along the way. Women he’s dated earnestly. Once upon a time, maybe even a couple he could have loved. When he was younger, there had also been a few men. But none recently. The deeply rooted homophobia of baseball to blame. Mostly anyway. It’s strange now - everyone knows he’s bisexual, a simple Google search is all it takes. But he’s fairly certain baseball collectively decided to ignore his sexuality altogether after he got called up to the majors all those years ago.

He wants to believe he’s not afraid to be seen with men. He tells himself it’s just simpler this way, less complicated. Fewer awkward questions and the focus remaining on his athletic abilities rather than his sex life. Besides, only two major league players have ever come out and they both only did so after they’d retired. He supposes maybe he counts as the third. It’s not the stuff of fairytales, and Michael had learned that lesson during his brief stint in Double-A ball.

That feels like a lifetime ago.

Alex Manes’ new album drifts through the truck’s windows. His low, throaty voice practically purring into Michael’s ears. He’s been a big fan of Alex and his music for several years now. They’re both from New Mexico and the way he sings about the desert rings true enough to Michael that listening to one of his songs sends him right back home. Despite their many issues, he misses his brother and sister so badly sometimes he can barely breathe. Alex’s music reminds him of all the things and all the people he’s left behind - for better or worse. A couple of years ago, he’d had the opportunity to see Alex perform live but he’d turned it down. He still can’t explain why.

The night stretches out before him. Beer and music lulling him into a peaceful sleep until a bright light flashes in his face and startles him awake. He sits up and raises his hands peacefully. ‘Hey, Ernie.’

‘Oh, Mr. Guerin. I didn’t recognize you. What are you still doing here? It’s past midnight.’ He clicks the flashlight off and clips it back onto his belt. ‘Congrats on the walk-off!’

Michael shrugs. ‘Thanks. Didn’t want to go home just yet. Like watching the stars at night. But I haven’t seen you in a while. The grandkids still running circles around you?’

‘You know it! Caleb just turned five and is a holy terror. Michelle is eight going on eighteen. I can barely get a word in edgewise between the two of them.’ His eyes shine even in the darkness, crinkling at the edges.

Michael’s heart aches at Ernie’s easy, simple joy, but he manages a genuine smile thanks to the night’s shadows softening the edges of his jaw. ‘That sounds nice.’ He hops off his tailgate. ‘I’ll get out of your hair. Got an early game anyway. Need to get some sleep.’

‘Well, now, don’t let me chase you off. I don’t mind the company. It gets a little spooky at night. You can always come knock on my door if you ever need anything.’ Ernie opens the Chevy’s door for Michael and shuts it behind him. ‘All these other guys with their flashy sports cars and you in this old rust bucket. You’re a weird one, Mr. Guerin. But I like that about you.’

Michael runs his hands around the cracked steering wheel. ‘Most days this truck is about the closest thing to home I’ve got. There’s still desert dirt in the bed and an engine I rebuilt myself. What the fuck would I do with a Ferrari?’

They both laugh and Michael waves and honks his horn as he pulls out of the player’s lot. The streets are mostly empty, cars keeping to the well-lit interstate at night. He decides to stay on surface roads and take the long way home, radio softly playing old country songs. His thoughts drift to tomorrow’s game and the rookie pitcher the Marlins are starting. His own rookie year had been tough, and he makes a mental note to speak to the kid at some point during the game, ask him how he’s doing and if he’s being treated well.

The streetlights along Peachtree illuminate his path through Brookhaven. He crosses into Atlanta city limits and enters Buckhead just as ‘Lay Me Down’ by Loretta Lynn and Willie Nelson starts to play through his speakers. And all too soon, he turns down his street and opens the cedar gate at the end of his driveway, parking his truck and sitting in the darkness until the song comes to an end.

Climbing out of his truck, he unlocks the front door with his telekinesis, slipping inside quietly and deactivating his alarm system. He’d bought the house in foreclosure, spending most of his money on remodeling the mid-century ranch. It’s not extravagant, but it’s the most expensive thing he owns. He’d even let Isobel fly out to decorate the place within a very strict budget, and he’d had to admit she’d done a great job - one side of his front door Atlanta, the other side New Mexico.

But even so, it has never felt like home.

The first few nights he’d spent in the house had been rough. It was too quiet and too soft and too much. More than once he’d grabbed his ancient, worn sleeping bag and crawled into the bed of his truck. Sleeping hard on the uncomfortable. ribbed metal but beneath the stars he loved so much. The morning dew waking him with the sun each morning.

These days he manages to sleep in bed at night, but only because he’d installed two skylights overhead so that the stars would always be his. And only his. He rarely brings anyone home anymore, preferring their house to his. But when he does, he takes them to a guest bedroom. None of them ever seem to mind how empty the space is or how devoid of personality. Four blank walls and a lone bed filling the room. Why would they? It’s not Michael the foster kid from the desert they’re sleeping with. It’s Michael Guerin the multi-millionaire first baseman with the single-season home run record and the aw-shucks, good boy smile.

Tonight he doesn’t bother turning on any lights. He just pads through the kitchen to grab an apple and a bottle of water, undresses and climbs into bed. He takes a large bite of the granny smith and pulls out his phone, calling Isobel.

‘Congrats on the walk-off!’ He can hear another game in the background. Isobel had never watched a baseball game in her life - including any of his - until the day he’d gotten drafted right out of high school. But now she watches all of them. Or as many of them as possible. Her scouting reports are better than anything stamped official and readily available in the team clubhouse.

‘Thanks. Didn’t really see the ball that well tonight, though. Is Max there?’ It’s stupid to ask when he already knows the answer.

‘Out with Liz. They’ve been inseparable ever since she moved back to Roswell. It’s gross and I miss you.’ The sound on her tv goes silent and he knows she’s settling in for a long conversation. ‘Tell me about tomorrow. Any surprises?’

‘No. New kid on the mound just called up. Got a mean slider. Torres has some pain in his wrist so he’ll be benched.’ Michael finishes his apple in two large bites and guzzles his water, listening to Isobel pound away at her keyboard already deep in research mode. ‘Might get me moved up to the number two slot.’

They spend fifteen minutes strategizing. It’s what they do most nights. Isobel critiquing the numbers based on intuition and her own database of knowledge concerning the human psyche, while he runs statistical analyses and probabilities in his head faster than humanly possible. Michael suggests more than once that she’d make a great scout and that maybe when he retires they can go into business together. He’s told her this a million times, but she only laughs him off and reminds him that she already has a job.

‘A worthless job that doesn’t pay you what you deserve.’ He reaches for the tv remote on his nightstand but can’t find it. Not that it matters. He switches the television on with his mind and nods his head through the channels, stopping on an old western and muting the volume.

‘Philanthropy is not worthless, Michael!’ She sighs loudly to punctuate her exasperation. ‘And my salary is not the point - the point is helping people. Besides, I have all of Noah’s money and can negotiate more pay any time I choose.’

That he believes. ‘How’d your date go last night?’ Asking Isobel about her date absolutely means she’ll push him to share something just as personal. But it was her first official date with a woman and he genuinely wants to know how it went. No matter the price he’ll pay.

‘Really, really, really well.’ He can hear the grin in her voice and it makes him smile. ‘She’s a cardiologist and very good with her hands. Valenti makes a pretty superb matchmaker. Maybe I’ll ship him your way because you could certainly use the help.’

Michael rolls his eyes and fakes a groan. ‘You can keep Valenti. Don’t you think it’s weird to have your ex setting you up on dates? Do you really think he’s the best judge of character?’

‘Kyle knows me better than most. He was my first relationship after Noah and he put up with a lot. I trust him implicitly with my heart and yours. Plus, I was the one who broke up with him.’

‘My heart is fine, thanks.’ He lies smoothly and knows exactly how she’s going to respond.

‘I can’t stand the thought of you all the way across the country in that foreign place with no one to go home to at night.’

He snorts. ‘It’s called Georgia, Iz. And I’m not home enough for a relationship to work right now.’

‘Half the guys on your team - on any team! - are married. So that’s a pisspoor excuse. You keep pushing everyone away. Don’t forget who you’re talking to. I know you, Michael. As soon as you start to feel something, the doors slam shut and you become another stereotypical lonewolf cowboy.’ Her voice is loud now, vehement and self-righteous. They’ve reenacted this scene so many times it feels very paint by number at this point. ‘I hardly ever hear a smile in your voice anymore.’

She’s right and she knows it. He used to love dating, meeting new people. First kisses and first fucks. Last kisses and farewell fucks. He lived for those moments and now he hardly ever looks anyone in the eye. ‘We have this conversation at least once a month. And nothing has changed. It’s too hard right now, Iz. I’m too known to ever really be known. Not the way I would want to be. Not in any way that I would trust.’

There’s no use arguing so they move on to easier topics. Max and LIz’s ongoing romance, details of Isobel’s date, Maria’s remodel of the Pony thanks to a very generous anonymous donation. Every word out of her mouth squeezes his heart a little bit tighter until it’s too much and he says goodnight.

Flipping onto his side, he reaches his arm out to the other side of the bed, running his hand over the cold, unwrinkled sheet. His eyes land on the empty pillow no head ever touches and tries to imagine a face looking back at him. A face that might smile suggestively or quietly murmur goodnight. But he’s unable to conjure anything beyond a blank, shapeless outline. It makes him feel pathetic so he yanks the pillow underneath his own head and forces his eyes shut, trying in vain to quiet his mind. Despite his best efforts, sleep takes its sweet time finding him.

The next morning he’s exhausted but gets to the field early. He’d woken up to a cryptic message from Isobel. There’s a surprise waiting for you after the game! Stick around this time, Michael. Don’t make me get on a plane. He’s sure that can’t mean anything good, but he attempts to put it out of his mind for now.

The ballpark is already bustling with activity. Michael heads into the clubhouse to change. He stops and asks Stan, their hitting coach, for some extra work before the rest of the team arrives. He’s worried about how he’s been shifting his wrists recently and wants someone else’s opinion. The adjustments he’d made last night seem to be working, but he’s worried about straining a muscle or tweaking the wrong tendon. Two of his teammates are already on the IL with wrist pain. He doesn’t want to be next, especially with the postseason race and his run at MVP on the line.

Michael finds Danny Marks asleep in one of the clubhouse’s leather chairs. He swats him on the head on the way to his locker, laughing at Danny’s loud yelp. ‘Fuck, man, you’re always asleep. How did you manage to stay awake on the mound long enough to put together two Cy Young seasons?’

‘Talent, Guerin. Talent. You should try it sometime. Maybe then you’ll win MVP.’ Danny yawns and stretches his arms over his head. Michael glares at him. ‘Don’t worry. You’re still the favorite. Our very own diamond darling. No one else is getting their own personal concert any time soon.’

‘What?’ He sits on the chair at his locker, blinking at Danny in confusion. ‘Personal concert?’ Isobel’s strange text message flashes through his head again while he inwardly groans.

‘Oh, yeah.’ Danny grins and crosses his ankles on the table in front of him, brashly enjoying the way Michael squirms. ‘Alex Manes is traveling down from Nashville just for you - baseball’s most beloved first baseman.’ He throws a toy football at Michael’s head, chuckling when it bounces off his curls. ‘He’s not bad looking, you know.’

‘Stop.’ Danny is Michael’s best friend on the team and the only one he feels comfortable enough to have this conversation with. ‘Whose idea was this? Did Isobel do something? Or was this you?’

Michael doesn’t want this. Not at all. And he can’t exactly explain why. Music is personal to him - profoundly personal. Always has been since he was nothing but an unloved kid trapped in various violent foster homes. It was music that had kept him warm at night and music that had loved him best. The only escape available to him during most of his darkest hours.

Over the years, there have been many artists he’s considered favorites. Most of them old country crooners or folk song heroes. Much like Alex Manes. But with Alex, it’s something more. Something he has a hard time vocalizing. They are both from New Mexico. Both spent a chunk of their formative years in Roswell. Michael has read or watched multiple interviews with Alex where he’s alluded heavily to an abusive father. His lyrics certainly do the same. Lots of kids grow up that way - Michael knows he’s not alone in that particular fate - but the way Alex puts that pain to music settles something inside his chest that has never been settled before.

So the thought of meeting Alex worries Michael. They say don’t meet your heroes for a reason. In his head, Alex represents a sense of safety, a sense of home. What happens when they meet and that’s taken from him? Because maybe Alex is a liar. Or maybe he’s a dick. Either possibility is very real. He’s also a vet, and Michael hates, hates, hates the military. And he doesn’t want to hate Alex. Doesn’t want to lose his music. Cannot emotionally afford to lose his music if he’s being honest.

‘Isobel apparently knows someone who knows someone who knows someone. I just didn’t try and stop her. Or Lena.’ Danny’s wife is Isobel’s favorite human. It’s the worst thing that’s happened to Michael since meeting Danny. The two of them have done nothing but make his life one unasked for surprise after another. ‘Besides, even if you hate it, the team could really use some fun before heading into the postseason. Some good old-fashioned team bonding, my friend. And this time, you don’t get to run away. The guys need to see their captain smile every once in a while.’

Michael sighs and changes into his warmups. Danny’s phone rings and he grins one last time at Michael before disappearing for some privacy. Michael decides to push Alex Manes to the back of his mind and concentrate on the game ahead of him. Stan is waiting, anyway. So he’ll focus on his wrists for now and worry about everything else later. The one thing he does do, however, is pull out his phone and send Isobel a very pointed text.

You should have gotten my permission first.

Isobel’s text response is nothing but the angel halo emoji. Michael wishes his telekinesis was strong enough to travel across state lines because he’d like to throw her phone into the wall. Since that option is not available to him, he sends Max a text instead.

Your sister is a menace.

He pockets his phone, not bothering to wait on an answer. Max tends to be too busy these days. Not that that’s anything new really. Unless your name is Liz Ortecho or Isobel Evans, he doesn’t have much time for you.

The morning stretches by as gametime approaches. Batting practice goes well and Michael works with Stan on keeping his wrists from turning too much when he swings. His teammates have all found out about the concert by the time the first pitch is thrown and none of them will let him forget it. Each time his walk-up music begins to play, Danny leads a small group of particularly bad vocalists in a sing-a-long. All of them belting out the lyrics at the top of their lungs. Michael tries to keep the stupid grin off his face and almost suceeds.

He won’t admit it, but he actually begins to get excited. Doesn’t even mind when Max only ends up responding with a snarky text.

Try living less than five miles from her.

He’d give anything to live five miles from Isobel. Michael loves his teammates. He really does. Atlanta has one of the best team dynamics in baseball. Maybe the best. They support each other, love one another, and when they say family, they mean it. Team dinners and family outings are normal even during the off season. Michael doesn’t avoid spending time with them because he dislikes anyone - although there have been various tiffs in the past but nothing long lasting. He avoids them because he loves them enough to let his mouth loosen too much, all his secrets threatening to tumble out with no regard for his safety or the safety of his siblings.

He knows this because it has happened on more than one occasion. Years ago during his rookie years when living hard and drinker harder were his nightly norm. On any given night you’d find him at the bar, four fingers deep into a bottle of bourbon, mouthing off about moving things with his mind. It wasn’t the booze talking; it was his loneliness. The throbbing homesick ache in his chest that only Max and Isobel could smooth away. Once he knew his teammates were shitfaced, he’d let some little comment slip about his abilities. Half of them never paid any attention to the things he said and the other half merely laughed at him.

He’d told Isobel one night about the things he said and she’d yelled at him solidly for an hour. The next day he’d gotten a nasty phone call from Max and has kept his mouth shut ever since that conversation.

Keeping their secret is important. Michael understands that, but the lying exhausts him. He loves Danny and hates that the most important part of himself Danny and Lena can never know. He loves his other teammates, and he doesn’t want to hide this huge part of himself from them forever. The lying has always made him feel unclean - distant and deceptive. Back in Roswell, it had been easier. He hadn’t had many friends and the people closest to him shared the same secret. But now, the people he sees every single day aren’t allowed to know the real him. It breaks his heart in a way he could never have anticipated, making him feel truly alien.

Michael and Isobel had jumped through enormous hoops to keep his DNA secret from team doctors and drug testers. It’s the only reason he’d ever agreed to her mind influence.

A major league baseball player cannot have telekinetic superpowers, alien or not. The cheating accusations would be immediate and relentless - his career over and his name shamed forever. Regardless of the fact that he would never dream of cheating to advance his career. Besides, he’s self-aware enough - or perhaps cocky enough - to understand that his level of talent doesn’t require any telekinetic assistance. Michael Guerin is just that fucking good.

During his last at bat in the eighth inning, Alex Manes’ face flashes on the digital scoreboard high above centerfield advertising the aftergame concert. Michael concentrates on keeping his wrists tight and imagines that Alex is somewhere in the stadium watching him. He swings at the first pitch - a fastball left too high over the plate - and knows he’s gotten every piece of it by the cracking sound his bat makes. He starts a slow run to first base and watches the ball sail over the leftfield wall. With his signature two claps, he rounds first and enjoys the cheering crowd chanting his name. Stepping on the bag at home plate, his eyes glance back up at the scoreboard, but Alex’s face has disappeared. And suddenly his nerves have returned tenfold at the realization that soon he’ll be face to face with a man he has no idea how to talk to - what to say or even if he’ll get a chance to say anything at all.

Despite the cheers and happy butt slaps from his teammates, the pit in Michael’s stomach stretches wide. In the clubhouse, he checks his phone again and one last final message from Isobel lights up his screen.

He wants to meet you first.

#malex #malex fic #three strikes - the tentative cheesy baseball title #send me home - the real title

[really-dont-forget-it]

Here we go again - Julie and the Phantoms - chapter 2

Pairing: Raven (OC) x Reggie

Summary: Raven is living her usual witchy/ghostly live until she meets someone she thought she had lost forever. Can she help her long lost friends and how will they react to her origin?

A/n: So here is the second chapter... I hope you like it and please tell me what you think off it. Thanks to everybody who read the first part and thank you guys so much for commenting and reblogging.

Prologue and chapter 1   chapter 3   chapter 4   chapter 5   chapter 6 (final chapter)

Chapter 2

flashback to 1994

"Come on Reggie.", Luke called out for his friend, "I thought you liked country music." Reggie rolled his eyes but followed his three friends into the illuminated pavilion. The boys of Sunset Curve were on a little trip to check out possible locations to play at and tonight their path had led them to a country club. The posters of the club had informed the band that country wasn't their only genre so the boys had decided to give it a chance. Reggie beamed with excitement expecting a night full of good music and fun with his friends. Luke and Bobby weren't that happy about the music genre and Alex was content with spending time with his bandmates. The boys had purposely chosen an open mic evening to get a look at the club's usual guests on their stage.

Inside, the pavilion was packed with people and imported country music played. Everybody seemed to be enjoying the evening so far and the boys instantly got captured by the atmosphere. Luke and Alex went to the bar to get some drinks whilst Bobby and Reggie made sure to get some good spots. When Alex and Luke came back carrying cans of coke, a man in his sixties entered the stage. He wore cowboy boots, flared jeans and a bandana, his long hair streaming out under it. Taking the microphone he flashed a bright smile towards the crowd and said: "Welcome all you lovely people at the country-barn. I proudly present to you our first guest of this evening: the wonderfully talented Sarah Jones with her version of 'Little Ol' Cowgirl' by The Dixie Chicks. Go ahead, girl!" Sarah did a great performance which was followed by other great cover songs and original ones. Reggie was astonished when a boy around his age performed Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash and Me & Paul by Willie Nelson, but all of the boys were blown away when a girl not older than 18 years stepped onto the stage. She stood out against the country fans just because of her outfit. Her black ripped jeans and lose tank top provided her Luke's unquestioned sympathy. She had tied a washed-out plaid around her waist and was taking off her black leather jacket as she neared the mic. "Hey, I hope everybody is having a good time.", the girl began. The crowd responded with applause and cheers. "For those who don't come here often, I'm Rav and I'm here to throw a little bit of Rock into this Countrymix - so buckle up your belts and prepare for some noise" Cheers were heard again and then the background music started. The sound of a solo guitar ripped thru the speakers, followed by the sound of sirens and then a fast drumbeat joined in. The girl on the stage tapped her foot to the music and when she started to sing everybody was shocked, at least those who didn't know her. "Welcome to the jungle. We've got fun 'n' games. We got everything you want..." Bobby looked at his friends with wide eyes and shouted above the music: "She really is singing Guns and Roses' 'Welcome to the jungle" Rav had such an energy that the whole room was dancing and singing with her just after the first refrain. Her second song had a similar effect and gained her even more respect from Luke. Totally engaged in her performance of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana the girl didn't notice one of the chains she had clipped to her jeans falling off and into the crowd. Who did notice this was Reggie. He saw the metal accessory flying from the stage and landing not far from him. The boy went down and secured the little chain in his pocket before going back to dancing with his friends. As the night was nearing its end and the last performer had left the stage the bandmembers of Sunset Curve agreed in three things: this evening was amazing, they would definitely come back some time and they wanted to play at the country club. Due to his exitement, Reggie nearly forgot the chain in his pocket. Excusing himself to his friends the boy went to search Ray. Luckily he did actually found her. She was talking to the barmaid just outside the club. "Hey.", Reggie approached the two, "Rav right? You lost one of your chains during your performance, which was awesome I may add." Rav turned around to the boy who did indeed held one of her accessories in his hand. "Oh thank you so much.", she beamed and directly attached it back to her jeans, "I'm glad you enjoyed it." "Raven here comes along once a month to honour us with her presence and everybody loves her.", the barmaid complimented the girl who blushed and muttered a 'thank's' before turning back to Reggie. "I'm Raven if you missed it. And this is Linda", the girl said smiling and reaching out to Reggie. He shook her hand and introduced himself. "What brings you here?", the barmaid, Linda questioned the boy. Reggie was starting to answer in the same moment as his friends stumbled thru the door laughing at something Alex had said. Reggie gestured to the three boys and explained: "My bandmates and I are looking for spots to perform at. And I think we might try it here too." Before one of the girls could reply Luke had spotted his friend. After noticing Rav too he immediately came over and showered her with compliments regarding her outfit and music choices. Raven was so stunned by this attack that she stood there like she was frozen. This made Linda break out into a fit of laughter. Raven joined in after she had gathered herself again and had thrown a closer look at Luke. "I can see we have quite the same taste cloth-wise.", Raven commented pointing at Lukes shirt, that happened to look exactly like hers the only difference being the band logo on the front. Luke wore a Metallica shirt and Rav had put on her Nirvana top. "Do you guys plan on staying in the city?", Raven thru in. "Actually we are.", Alex agreed, "We still have a few clubs to visit." "That's great.", the girl retorted, "I'm staying here for the next two weeks. If you want I can show you around." Bobby nodded enthusiastically: "What an amazing idea." His bandmates agreed with him and the adolescents fixed a date for the following day. The boys of Sunset Curve and Raven spent a great week together. Besides visiting clubs, diners and record shops the five got to know each other and became friends really quick. Raven even became the first person Alex did officially come out to beside his parents. Raven had dragged her new friends to a karaoke bar where Luke showed his dramatic side performing 'November Rain' by Guns and Roses and Reggie took the opportunity to finally sing some country. Bobby chose not to step a foot on to the stage but rather enjoying the show and cheering on his friends. The evening was nearing its end as Raven followed a spontaneous thought, grabbed Alex' hand and pulled him towards the stage. Totally thrown off the boy followed her, took a microphone and found himself next to the grinning girl on the stage. Everybody recognized the song in an instance as it started playing. Alex' eyes grew wide in surprise and after a look at Raven who was smiling encouragingly at him - in excitement. The two teenagers delivered an electrifying performance of ABBA's 'Dancing Queen' and the crowd went wild, Reggie, Luke and Bobby screaming enthusiastically. The three boys welcomed their fourth bandmember back from the stage with laughter and hugs. On their walk back to the van Alex dropped back and Raven followed his actions. With fear but also hope in his eyes the boy told Ray that he liked boys. The girl instantly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, assuring him her complete support and how proud she was of him telling her. It turned out that Raven was travelling around too and the boys were quick to invite her onto their tour. The girl turned into some kind of manager for the band or the mum-friend - even though Alex still was the cautious one. Rav had her special bond to each of the boys. Luke and she exchanged clothes so often that Bobby suggested they should simply share a closet, which they instantly did. "Hey Luke, have you seen my red top?", Raven shouted one morning after they all had visited a rather boring club. "You mean this one?", Luke questioned pulling at the shirt he was wearing. The girl let out a desperate sigh and chose one of Luke's grey tops with an ACDC print instead. When the two joined their friends for breakfast Alex pointed at them with his knife and stated: "I'm not okay with this, it's weird." Luke and Raven thru their friend their best evil grins and sat down. "I agree with Alex.", Reggie said, "It really is strange." Raven looked at Reggie and retorted: "I see it like this Reg, me and Luke sharing clothes means less money we have to spend on them which equals more for food. And having more money left for food is never a bad thing." As to confirm her statement she shovelled a spoon full of cereal into her mouth. "But if you want I would gladly borrow one of those leather jackets of yours. They are drop-dead gorgeous.", the girl added, making Reggie blush a little. Raven and Bobby bonded over their fascination regarding the music industry and how stars became stars. They would sit hours into the night discussing the newest hits in the radio and why it was exactly those songs or these artists. But more than with Bobby, Luke or even Alex Raven spend her time with Reggie. The two could come up with the dumbest ideas and theories, most of them being connected to food in one way or another. Raven and Reggie or as their friends liked to call them R-square, not only produced odd conversations but complimented each other creativity wise. I big part was their shared love for country music but the band could be sure that after an afternoon of R-square going into a huddle there would either be a killer bassline or some great lyrics at the end of it. The success of Sunset Curve peaked when the band got the chance to perform at the Orpheum. Whilst the boys were rushing around and trying to get as much attention as possible Raven gave her best to stay hidden behind the scenes. She helped the boys in her own way, talking them down when they got too hectic, making sure they didn't forget their equipment and organizing their stuff. As the band had it's soundcheck Rav was standing next to the tech girl giving her friends thumbs up and congratulating them afterwards for their energy on stage and assuring everybody that this night would be special. She went to do the last check-up as Luke, Reggie and Alex were looking for something to eat and Bobby was trying to flirt with the tech girl. None of them had a clue that this night would indeed be a special one but not in a good way. Tags: @issaxcharlie @ichundjulia

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #jatp imagine #jatp fanfiction #Reggie #luke patterson #alex jatp #reggie imagine #sunset curve #sunset curve imagine #ghosts #ghost!reader #witch!reader #writing towel #my writing #here we go again

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Hey there Love. This will be a work in progress post as I try to address most the things you talked/asked about.

Smile lines on your face? So are you smiling more? Hmm...hard to tell how often I smile. I think I do it out of necessity more than sincerity. Otherwise people may think that I want nothing to do with them. At least at home when no one really interacts with me I can just be “blah”.

Hot cocoa weather is almost pretty much here but I haven’t really had the time/chance to enjoy it. Can’t really see myself having that warm/cozy/fun feeling I would normally have associated when I’m just sitting here alone watch things to distract my mind more so than for the enjoyment and relaxation of it all. At times I feel like I’m just watching for the sake of watching just so time will eventually get to a time that I need to do something like go to the gym or go to sleep. I have just been drinking tea with French vanilla creamer.

Sitting on the couch right next to the Christmas tree. Just wondering what your tree looks like. Wonder how we would decorate it.

My job is a job. There is repetition that helps me get things so it becomes muscle memory but there are situations that arise that I’ve never encountered or only encounter not so often so I need to ask for help. They do charge nurse rotations but I’m still too new for that so I’m not in that rotation yet. I think this job will be okay in the long run. I’m just waiting for when the world goes back to “normal”, we increase our patient load, and I start to become as spiteful as all my other coworkers around me. They keep their spirits up but they have said how the job has changed and hardened them. Almost kinda like the jail setting where people said I was “nice and patient” but if I stay there long enough the place would change me. So I guess I’m just waiting for that point to where I start to see myself struggling and stressing like everyone around me. Guess it’s just a matter of time.

Pretty nurses. People told me about that phenomena when I joined this line of work. I guess it really just depends on where you work. You ever gonna introduce me to anyone? *ws* I guess they need to like me though and I don’t know if I’m a “you’ll get to like me through dates” kind of person. That’s just not an atmosphere/style that I’m comfortable in.

Your cooking getting any better? Lucky person who gets all those rewards. Me, no. I do things here and there but I do it mainly just to have something to eat. Lately I’ve just been eating saimin, fast food, and/or cereal. That’s all the capacity I have to interest me. My highlight is buying different kinds of cereal and just mixing it together. The latest one is the honey Frosted Flakes, special K with banana, and rice crispies. How badly did you cut up your finger? How did you do it? You need to be more careful Love. I know you try to teach me the proper ways to cut things but I don’t trust myself to cut things the way you showed me. I feel like I’m more prone to cut myself. So it’s almost like the choice of cutting things the “correct” way or the safe way which isn’t as proper/effective so I do go for the safe route.

Like I said, the women I find attractive are in different departments and don’t work in the same area as me. The only time I see them is randomly or if I make the effort to do so but if I do that, I’m out of place because there really isn’t a reason for me to be where they are for long extended periods of time. Sooo...yeah. There goes that theory of being by women here. At least where my desk is now I’ll have people around me. I think they are all in their 50’s and all and I’m not really attracted to them. They are nice as coworkers and resources for help but that’s about it. I can’t honestly see myself getting romantically involved with any of my future office mates which is okay. I just don’t know when/how I’ll expose myself to anyone that could possibly be a romantic prospect. Maybe if I worked in the main hospital on the floor. Guess it’s all up to tinder and my so called FWB...*shrugs*

Line dancing on the half hour? How kewl is that :) so did you learn anything about willie Nelson? Here’s what you can do. Follow up on whateve you know about him in his older years and find a video of him when he was younger. When we went to that county music hall of fame in Nashville, there was a video footage of willie Nelson when he was younger. It blew me and my brother away. It was pretty kewl.

I know that we kind of have our “baggage” when it comes to you and me and inheriting both our parents. Do you think you can handle mine as much I would have to handle yours? I mean, you already can tell that they accept you with open arms. You’ve seen that my relatives do as well and they all are pretty much like that. You won’t really find anyone who’s standoffish or judgmental. I know I had to hide you away for obvious reasons but I feel if we could just be ourselves, family on my side for you wouldn’t be a problem. Heck, even if it’s jokingly, my mom prolly “loves” you more than me :P :)

The people who are training me are really kewl. Filipinos. The main one training me is the one nurse who we absorbed for a time to help when the calls were too much. But then she went back to her own PACT and when I was transitioned into PACT, she offered to train me and I accepted. She’s got a lot of experience and does a lot of things by the book so I like the fact that she’s given me a good foundation. Almost like a “mom” figure. The other nurse in the room is my back up trainer when she isn’t there and she’s like the “sister”. Then the NP there is almost like a second “mom” figure but frantic in the sense she does a lot of things well but is getting older so the demands are piling up causing her to feel frenetic and overwhelmed. But they are so nice and friendly that I don’t want to leave that room. I’m tempted to ask my main manager that when someone retires, I want to move back into that room.

The sharing of snacks is just something that they did before and I “lucked” into. They have a table in the back that they have snacks/food they bring in to share and munch on during the day. So I’ve brought stuff too every now and then. I introduced them to li hing mui powder and I let them have some of my apples with it. They liked it. But now that I’m moving to another room, I’ve got to start all over. I said that maybe I’ll work there every Wednesday maybe but that may not be feasible since I’ll have my own phone line and all.

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Sorry to bother you but are you still doing that song shuffle game? Then I have a number - 2 Thanks for your time <3

Not a bother in the slightest! I think I’ll always be open to shuffle prompts because it’s just a good creative exercise. Thank you!! This one got more than twice as long a little longer than the previous ones I’ve done for this game.

“Can I Sleep in Your Arms?” - Willie Nelson Left me lonely and cold and so weak/And I need someone’s arms to hold me/’Til I’m strong enough to get back on my feet

no hold to hold on you

“Peter,” May says gently, pushing his hair back from his face with a warm, comforting hand, “what can I do?”

He shakes his head.

“It’s ok.”

“I know this is hard,” his aunt presses. “Tony meant a lot to you.” Peter sniffs and wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

“Don’t get me started again,” he says with a wet laugh.

“Alright. I can put something stupid on TV and pretend not to see you crying at the other end of the couch,” she offers. “How would that be? You wanna get your PJs on?”

He’s touched by the way she’s babying him. Sometimes, it gets on his nerves, but under the circumstances, the overabundance of tenderness brings him back to the early days after Ben’s death and how careful he and May were with each other. Although they don’t share this loss in the same way they shared that one, it doesn’t negate her instinct to shelter him from the world.

“Nah,” Peter says with a deep sigh. “I don’t think I have the energy to get changed again.”

When they got home from the funeral, he took off his suit as quickly as possible, threw on a t-shirt and sweats. Everything soft and formless―the very opposite of the feel of the other kind of suit in his closet. The ones Mr. Stark made him. The one in particular that he was wearing when his friend and mentor died right in front of him. He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute and May rubs his back firmly, reminding him of her presence. No new tears escape. His eyes feel hot, his cheeks dry from all the tears he’s swiped away today.

“You wanna go spend some time with Ned? Maybe sleep over? I swear I won’t take it personally that you don’t feel like hanging out,” his aunt says with a sympathetic half-smile.

“Ned? Yeah, maybe.”

Peter hasn’t even thought of Ned today, which is weird. Under completely different circumstances, Ned would’ve loved being by his side, meeting all those Avengers. Peter could’ve downplayed it as no big deal and watched his best friend’s eyes light up, and Mr. Stark would’ve acted all― His shoulders droop. So maybe it’s good he doesn’t have any memories of Ned and Tony side by side. Ned’s a separate part of his life that Peter can retreat into right now.

“Yeah? You let me know if you don’t stay overnight, or if you want me to come get you, or―”

“May,” he reminds her quietly, “I can get home by myself.”

“I know that. I know. I know you can.” Her mouth turns down and her nostrils twitch, but she’s as good at holding back tears as he is. Probably better. She runs a hand across his shoulders, then lets him stand.

Peter collects his phone and keys, slips his shoes on, flips his hood up. May’s waiting at the door of their apartment.

“Don’t do anything tonight,” she says. He frowns. She looks down, almost guiltily. “I know you feel compelled to help people, but if you could just… just get from point A to point B without getting mixed up in anything…”

“Ok,” he promises, because she doesn’t need that worry right now. He can make sure he doesn’t end up under a truck or in front of a knife or inside a bank that’s being robbed for one night.

“Thank you.”

“Love you, May,” Peter says, hugging her almost as hard as she hugs him.

“Alright. Say hi to Ned for him.”

He turns so she doesn’t have to hold that smile on her face too long for his benefit.

Outside, the world is dark and empty, so he should stick to well-worn paths. But he doesn’t end up at Ned’s. He ends up at MJ’s. She had a few members of the decathlon team over for an extra prep session before a competition one evening, then another time, Ned and Peter did a movie night with her. It was mostly Ned’s doing. He said they should get to know their new captain better and Peter felt nervous and awkward about it, but it turned out fine.

The ease with which he can pull her address up in his mind doesn’t explain his unconscious decision to arrive at her building. Since Peter’s here, he sends her a text. She lets him in.

“Quiet,” he says when he’s come up and she’s locking them inside her apartment.

“My parents are in Philly, visiting my aunt.”

Unlike normal, MJ doesn’t bombard him with questions or stare him down with suspicious eyes. Thank god. He’s tired. Immortally tired. Something old and soft plays from the other room. He could hear the song’s lyrics if he focused, but he tunes into the beat of MJ’s heart instead. Somehow, it’s even more soothing.

“Come and sit down,” she says.

Peter follows her to the couch, far less familiar than the one he sat on with May. Still, he associates the darkness of the room and the comfort of his seat with being taken care of. He wrings his hands.

“Sorry for just showing up,” he tells the carpet between his socked feet.

“It’s ok.”

“We buried Tony today.”

“Oh.”

He doesn’t know he’s crying until MJ’s arms wrap around his shoulders in a tentative hug. Shameless, Peter twists and presses his face against her neck, weeping into her skin. She hugs him tighter, bringing one leg up onto the couch to make it easier to hold him close. His hands scrabble at the back of her long-sleeved shirt. Over ugly moans, he catches the sound of her sweetly shushing him as her fingers rake through the back of his hair and pet his neck.

“It’s ok, it’s gonna be ok. It’ll be ok, Peter. Today’s the hardest day. It’s alright. Get it out. Or you don’t have to think about it if you don’t want to. But if you do, that’s good. No, don’t be embarrassed. It’s ok, you’re alright. I’ve got you. I know. It’s ok that it’s hard. Are you thinking about your uncle? Of course I know about that. Shhh. It’s ok. It just means you cared about Stark. I bet you were really important to him too. Everything’s gonna be alright. It’s over now. All the bad stuff is behind you, Peter. You’re ok. I’m here.”

Her words go on and on. Peter doesn’t know for how long, except that it’s almost as long as he cries. MJ holds him together so he can’t break apart while he feels all of this. Hiccupping with stress and sadness and embarrassment, he tries to apologize, but she just shushes him some more. When the tears finally slow, he looks at her. Quickly, she’s up from the couch, getting him a drink and dragging a blanket over his shoulders on her way back.

“You’ll give yourself a headache,” she says, shrugging off the plain kindness of a glass of water. “Crying always gives me a headache.”

“What do you cry about?”

What a dumb way to make conversation, Peter thinks. Morbid and too personal. Sipping his water, he’s confused to see his question make MJ blush and dart her eyes away from his.

“Dumb stuff.”

“I don’t think anything you could think about would be dumb.”

“Thanks, Peter,” she says, looking surprised. “It’s just, you know, crying over things I don’t have.”

“I hope you get those things.”

She gives him a funny look, but it’s gone by the time he takes a tissue from the box she’s placed at his feet and blows his nose.

“I think about him everywhere,” Peter groans in frustration. See how sheer annoyance works at keeping the misery down. MJ hums like she’s agreeing with him, then stops abruptly. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I can’t believe I just came over and―”

“It’s seriously ok. I mean it. Let’s not do that asinine adult thing where social etiquette demands that we go back and forth without actually asserting our needs,” she rants, pulling her knee up to her chest and gripping it with both hands. “Be here, be sad, and stop worrying about it.”

It’s amazing to him how much softer MJ is one-on-one. Still assertive to the point of occasional curtness, but unexpectedly attentive. He hopes she doesn’t cry often. He hopes consoling others is something she’s naturally good at, not because she’s had a lot of practice. Nobody deserves a life full of grief.

Peter splashes water in his face in the bathroom and means to tell her he’s gonna go. He’s worn himself out with crying. Instead, he sits back down on the couch. She was looking up at him. He doesn’t want to go yet. May thinks he’ll be at Ned’s all night. Like she knows his aunt’s plan from earlier, MJ puts the TV on in the background. What she doesn’t do is flee to the opposite end of the couch. She stays near him, looking straight ahead to give him privacy because she is apparently a deeply decent person.

He follows up the mystery of how he ended up here rather than at Ned’s with the mystery of how he and MJ are sitting apart one minute and have their arms touching the next. They go from that to her hand slipping into his. (Her heart speeds up―wait, does she care about him as more than a friend?)

From that to his head dropping sideways onto her shoulder.

To MJ’s cheek against the top of his head.

To sleep.

music shuffle fic game!

#my writing #spideychelle #spideychelle fic #spideychelle fanfiction #peter parker #peter x mj #peter x michelle #peter parker x michelle jones #michelle jones

[foreversendmegardenias]

Taken from a personal blog on Facebook called, ‘The Beach Boys 101: The Band, The Music, The History’

If you are interested in learning about the reality of The Beach Boys history rather than the idealistic, sanitised version portrayed by the various BB groups on Facebook, then I recommend you follow this blog.

“The Last Years Of Carl Wilson’s Life His Relationship With His Brother Brian Was Definitely Strained.

But Why ?

One of the reasons I decided to start this page is because many of the other Beach Boys pages on Facebook have too many rules and stipulations on what you can and can’t talk about.

For instance, if you talk about Mike Love or say he had any type of talent or made important contributions to the Beach Boys’ music on a Brian Wilson page, that’s unacceptable.

If you say “Mike Love made the recording of “Pet Sounds” difficult” on a pro-Mike Love page you get your comment deleted and even kicked out of the group.

Same goes for Dennis and Carl pages. Even to give the impression that Carl may have been closer to his cousin Mike than to his two brothers is not acceptable even though history proves it most likely was true, especially in the final years of his life.

The most annoying pages of all are the ones run by people who have close relationships to members of The Beach Boys’ inner circle. They wouldn’t dare to say anything critical of a band member because it may damage their relationship with them. Therefore, you are given this “fairytale” perception of how things were.

Obviously we seem to be doing something fans of the band enjoy. After three years this page continues to grow and we thank you all for that.

The whole Beach Boys story is not all sunshine and roses that’s for sure. On this page we want to talk about and debate the difficult subjects part of the history of the band.

The true story of Brian and Carl is one many fans try to avoid. An agenda is pushed that Brian and Carl were close, right to the very end. Sadly though that’s not the case. As a matter of fact, in the very last years of his life Carl was fueding with Brian more than at any other time through his life.

Don’t get me wrong, both Brian and Carl truly loved each other. Carl especially did many things behind the scenes to help Brian get through some of the most difficult times in his life, especially finally breaking away from Eugene Landy.

Yet, from 1995-1998 something with Carl changed. Granted, by this time he may have already been sick and didn’t even know it. After the filming of the excellent Brian Wilson documentary “I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times” which was produced by Don Was, discussions came about proposing that Was would produce a new Beach Boys album using the material written by Brian Wilson and Andy Paley.

In mid-1995, Brian met with with Mike Love and Carl to play a number of songs that he had written with a songwriter named Andy Paley who Wilson had been working with since his solo debut album in 1988.

According to producer Don Was, Mike Love at first seemed receptive but Carl really never was. Not only did Carl not like any of the music or songs, he actually offended Brian by telling him the material was not commercial enough for The Beach Boys.

There could’ve been a number of reasons behind this. Carl was obviously embarrassed by the last Beach Boys’ studio album “Summer In Paradise”, a record where he totally relinquished any artistic control to Mike Love with disastrous results. Also having recently worked with artists like Tom Petty during the “Wildflowers” sessions, and Willie Nelson during the “Stars And Stripes” project definitely had Carl reassessing his own legacy. Especially since he had been writing and recording some new quality material of his own with his peers Robert Lamm of Chicago, and Gerry Beckley of America.

Being the team player he had always been, Carl did record vocals for a song called “Soul Searchin’”, a song he absolutely hated and made his feelings known that he didn’t want it released. (The song would eventually be released six years after his death on Brian’s “Gettin’ In Over My Head” solo album).

From that point onward he would fued with Brian’s wife and soon-to-be manager Melinda, not only about the music Brian had written but he also wasn’t happy that she was pushing him to finish the abandoned “SMiLE” project. Carl felt that would’ve caused Brian to have a nervous breakdown.

According to Don Was , who was present at these sessions, the final straw for Carl was the recording of the song called “Dancin’ The Night Away” that was intended for a show called “Baywatch Nights”. Camera crews were even brought in to film the event as a Beach Boys type of reunion. (A clip of that abandoned documentary will be posted in the comments section).

Carl hated the song so much that he walked out of the recording session which became the final nail in the coffin. After that, even Producer Don Was realized that these songs Brian wrote with Andy Paley weren’t that great and he tactfully told Brian he needed to write some better songs.

Both Melinda and a heartbroken Brian, who thought these were some of the greatest songs he ever wrote, blamed Carl for it all falling apart. That coupled with how Melinda also blamed Carl that Brian could not get a record deal, especially after the “Stars And Stripes Vol. 1” Beach Boys project where she felt Carl treated Brian like an invalid, basically making every record company shy away from giving him a recording contract.

Brian was so livid with Carl that in an interview for Vox Magazine during that period he stated : “Carl is my brother, but Carl is a a******. I love Carl, I love his singing, but he’s an a****** to me. Those guys are too . I oughta beat the h*** out of them all. I dunno, I’d probably get beat up if I tried that. ... I'll work on my own, solo, before I work with a bunch of guys that don’t give a s*** about me.”

It’s a shame that soon after Carl was diagnosed with lung cancer and never had the chance to truly make up with his brother Brian.

As history proves many of those songs Brian wrote with Andy Paley weren’t all that great, just as Carl had stated. (Will post bootlegs of those songs in the comments section).

A few were released on Brian’s 2004 “Gettin’ In Over My Head” album, yet the majority remain unreleased to this day. Even that album wasn’t given a fair chance since just a few months later Brian would finally finish and release “SMiLE” and thankfully (though he came close) never had a nervous breakdown.

Soon after the Andy Paley sessions, Brian would team up with former wrestler and music businessman Joe Thomas to have a much more successful songwriting collaboration that continues to this day, even though Melinda tried to sue Joe after the release of Brian’s comeback album “Imagination” in 1998, stating he didn’t allow Brian to produce that album the way he wanted to.

Brian, along with Joe Thomas, did write and record the beautiful “Lay Down Burden” a song Brian would later dedicate as a tribute to Carl proving how much Brian truly loved his baby brother. Carl also recorded a song as a tribute to Brian before his death called “Like A Brother”.

There’s no doubt in my mind, especially the kind of man that he was, that Carl would’ve made peace with Brian (the two did get together to watch the Super Bowl just days before Carl died, proof they may have been working towards a reconciliation) and would’ve contributed his angelic voice to many of the excellent songs Brian has written since that time.

It’s shocking that Carl has been gone over 23 years now. The Beach Boys camp is definitely NOT a better place without him.

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#beach boys warts and all #beach boys reality #beach boys tell it like it was

[mrmallard]

Top 5 Favorite Songs of The Year

This is part 1 of a 2 part list. This list will cover 5 songs from any time period that made my year. The next list will cover songs from 2020.

I excluded songs from my Top 10 Lyrics post specifically so I could speak about them in this list. This was a good year to get into music, and I found a crop of songs that made me really frigging happy.

5: Power of Two - Indigo Girls

I found three really good country-sounding songs about relationships this year. There was She Don't Like Roses by Christina Kane, which is a name that's as on-the-nose as Can I Borrow A Feeling - the way that the listener's time is described with this woman is really nice. The second one is Heart's Content by Brandi Carlile, which is a rundown of a relationship's anxieties punctuated by a celebration of that relationship enduring those anxieties. The third one is my #5 pick - Power of Two.

I didn't pick She Don't Like Roses because I heard Christina Kane pandering to a pro-Bush crowd in a live version of the song. It's still a great song, but hearing the conservative platitudes coming out of her mouth really bothered me and it affects how I hear the song. Heart's Content, on the other hand, was a strong runner-up - I'm assured that Brandi Carlile isn't a Trumper, for one, and Heart's Content is one of the songs on her pre-Grammy albums that really plays to my sensibilities. It missed out because another one of her songs affected me more, which left this spot open for the Indigo Girls.

Power of Two wins out because of the calm, casual affirmation that things are okay, and that they're going to continue to be okay, even through the hardships. It's about a relationship, going through things that happen from day to day, and each chorus is an affirmation that they're fine, that they love each other and are looking out for each other.

It's just a nice sentiment to listen to from time to time, and I don't know why more people don't go all in on the earnest, happy relationship train from time to time. One of my favorite albums of the 2010's is a concept album about the singer's messy divorce, I understand the appeal of drama and emotional pain in music - but for the scores of breakup songs and tales of emotional devastation, there needs to be something to balance it all out. Power of Two, to me, is a song that acts as a balance to those songs.

Most of All is a song that made me cry this year, because it made me think of my parents dying. More specifically, it reminded me that no-one lives forever, and there will come a day where my mum and dad both die and I'll have this empty feeling for the rest of my life like "man, I haven't seen my dad in a while. Something I did just reminded me of him, and now I miss him because I'll never see him again."

4: Most of All - Brandi Carlile

This is notable because I find it hard to cry. But one night, after drinking copious amounts of alcohol, I listened to this song and I just fuckin started bawling. It's fucked up, confronting your parent's mortality. I don't usually cry the way this song made me cry, but I did. And I thought it was worth mentioning.

Regardless of all that, this song makes me miss my dad in a general sense. And it makes a strong point to be more affectionate, because the love you give away is returned to you in kind. The love you don't get back is replenished eventually, so you're not really losing anything by putting your feelings out there.

It's a very bittersweet song. I really like it.

Orpheus wins out over another Sara Bareilles song, 1000 Times, by virtue of me talking about it in my Top 10 Lyrics post. It still bears mentioning - 1000 Times is a great song about yearning for someone you know you'll never be able to be with. It's a great yearning ballad.

3: Orpheus by Sara Bareilles

Orpheus, on the other hand, feels like it's about a relationship being reciprocated. It's low and cosy, like a heavy blanket on a cold night - the instruments all feel very intimate, the chorus is croony and the verses are just very grand and sweeping at times. It feels like an idealized relationship - being comfortable in someone's company and recharging their batteries because you love them, making big, sweeping declarations of devotion, stuff like that.

Again, like #5, it's just a nice relationship song. It's an absolute highlight off of Amidst the Chaos, along with songs like If I Can't Have You (not a cover of the disco song) and Miss Simone. Very wholesome.

2: Forget about Georgia - Lukas Nelson

This song came out of nowhere and caved my face in with a cinderblock. I'm a fuckin boomer when it comes to slang, but would it be appropriate to say it snatched my wig? Because I felt completely exposed after the first time I heard this song.

It's another relationship song - I've got love on the mind, give me a break. Definitely more of a breakup song, as the titular Georgia is the lead singer's ex, and he's in a situation where he can't escape her name for long enough to get over the break up. Namely, because he's Willie Nelson's son, and every night he performs with his dad, they play the song Georgia On My Mind.

Yes, this song is based on true events - which is fantastic on its own merits.

I can relate to the moment you realise you like someone, and you know just how much it's going to make you hurt. And the picture he paints in the entire second verse just hurts to think about. Honestly, it's disgusting how emotionally resonant this song is to me.

This song is the emotional equivalent to getting punched in the face and pushed down a hill, at least for me. Good song.

This song sums up the Weepies experience to me. Tight lyricism, effective instrumentation, and an earnest atmosphere. It's also under 3 minutes, which is kinda ridiculous for a song that makes me feel this much.

1: Somebody Loved - The Weepies

It's a simple concept - rain turns the sand into mud, wind turns the trees into bone. As much of a fact as those statements are, you turn me into somebody loved.

Again - it's just nice to hear something so sweet in a song, and it's so earnest as well. Especially when the song bridges into the fourth verse with an assertion that "one day, when we're old and worn," they'll reflect on the life they've lived with the person they love

I could sit here and recommend any number of songs by the Weepies. The first song of theirs I liked was Gotta Have You, which is such a weird, refreshing surprise in how it sounds for a song of its type. I could recommend They're In Love, Where Am I - another short, extremely effective song in the vein of this one about heartbreak. I can recommend Slow Pony Home, which is a very stripped back account of a girl meeting someone in real life who she met online, and reflecting on her relationship with herself and continuing relationship with them two years later. There are so many gorgeous, earnest songs from this band consisting of a married couple, and I'd love to just throw them all at you all at once.

Somebody Loved is a Weepies song boiled down to its bare essentials. And it's very sweet. I think it sums up the year I've spent with this band, and considering how big of a part this band played in my year, I think it deserves my #1 spot.

#Brandi carlile #indigo girls #lukas nelson #sara Bareilles #the weepies #top 10 #this will actually be the last post I make about the weepies this year #i promise

[nefariouscryptid]

Stay strong during the sad times! I don’t know if this question has been asked, but what are your oc’s favorite music genres/eras? What songs get them thinking deep?

Thank you very much.

Peter: rap and 90s hip hop. He likes a lot of modern rap suprisingly but mainly likes 90s-early 2010s. Some of his favorite artists are Tupac, Dr. Dre, Eminem, Lil Uzi, Kendrick, and Drake. He listens to Marvins Room a lot when he’s tripping over Jason. Dramatic mf.

Jason: doesn’t listen to a lot of music, but he likes Johnny Cash, Willy Nelson, Brooks n Dunn, Bob Segar, and Jamie Johnson. He gets in his feels when listening to either Johnny Cash’s hurt cover, In color by Jamie Johnson, or Neon Moon by Brooks n Dunn.

Anahii: She likes more dance music, but from more of the 70s- early 2000s. Doesn’t like artists like Britney Spears. Favorite Artists are GooGoosh, Selena Quintanilla, Dolly Parton, and Whitney Houston.

Cooper: Rock music, mostly older rock. Likes Black Sabbath, Creed, Hootie and the Blowdish, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Beatles. Also likes Nirvana, Nickleback, Radiohead, and Korn. My Sacrifice by Creed makes him... emotional.

Plethora: Nu Metal mainly. Favorite bands are Korn, Slipknot, System of a Down, and Deftones. Also likes Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, Papa Roach, Faith No More, and My Chemical Romance. Sad song choice for him would be Lost in Hollywood by System of a Down

Cassandra: Goth and Punk music. The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshies, Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Smiths, Black Flag, NOFX, The Ramones, and Greenday. Listens to Asleep by The Smiths when sad.

Michelle: anything from the 60s-80s, really. Loves Depeche Mode, Oingo Boingo, Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, The Beach Boys, Rolling Stones, Beatles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Led Zeppelin. Stories of Old by Depeche Mode gets her in the sad mood.

Gwen: likes more happier sounding music, so genre doesn’t really matter to her. She likes Corrine Bailey Rae, Sugarland, Fergie, and Jeremy Camp. She likes Christian music because it’s usually really hopeful. Likes put your records on by Corrine Bailey Rae, My Desire by Jeremy Camp, and Joey by Sugarland

Aj: anything with good Bass, so usually trap. Likes Kehlani, Nikki Minaj, Kendrick, and artists like KLOUD, or anything you can find on channels like Trap Nation.

Ivan: he normally listens to just classical or religious music (usually Catholic). Really into Orthodox hymns, or chants from other religions. He also likes death metal or heavy metal like Cannibal Corpse. Listens to sad sounding music like Let my Prayer Arise when he’s in a mood. If he’s pissed he will listen to Obituary and Carcass.

I’m not too sure if I already answered this question, but if I did disregard the old response, this is the new one.

#alex banters #asks #my ocs #peter durante #anahii durante #jason byrne #plethora valentino #cassandra valentino #michelle wilson #gwen richman #aj richman #ivanoff frikoski #brian valentino

[blackistory]

BIG MAMA THORNTON THE ORIGINATOR OFTHE HOUND DOG SONG

Thornton's birth certificate states that she was born in Ariton, Alabama,[5] but in an interview with Chris Strachwitz she claimed Montgomery, Alabama, as her birthplace, probably because Montgomery was better known than Ariton.[6] She was introduced to music in a Baptist church, where her father was a minister and her mother a singer. She and her six siblings began to sing at early ages.[7] Her mother died young, and Willie Mae left school and got a job washing and cleaning spittoons in a local tavern. In 1940 she left home and, with the help of Diamond Teeth Mary, joined Sammy Green's Hot Harlem Revue and was soon billed as the "New Bessie Smith".[6] Her musical education started in the church but continued through her observation of the rhythm-and-blues singers Bessie Smith and Memphis Minnie, whom she deeply admired.

Early career

Thornton's career began to take off when she moved to Houston in 1948. "A new kind of popular blues was coming out of the clubs in Texas and Los Angeles, full of brass horns, jumpy rhythms, and wisecracking lyrics."[9] In 1951 she signed a recording contract with Peacock Records and performed at the Apollo Theater in 1952. Also in 1952, while working with another Peacock artist Johnny Otis, she recorded "Hound Dog", the first record produced by its writers Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller. The pair were present at the recording,[10] with Leiber demonstrating the song in the vocal style they had envisioned;[11][12] "We wanted her to growl it," Stoller said, which she did. Otis played drums, after the original drummer was unable to play an adequate part. The record sold more than half a million copies, and went to number one on the R&B chart,[13] helping to bring in the dawn of rock 'n' roll.[14] Although the record made Thornton a star, she saw little of the profits.

On Christmas Day 1954 in a theatre in Houston, Texas, she witnessed fellow performer Johnny Ace, also signed to Duke and Peacock record labels, accidentally shoot and kill himself while playing with a .22 pistol.[16] Thornton continued to record for Peacock until 1957 and performed in R&B package tours with Junior Parker and Esther Phillips.

Thornton's success with "Hound Dog" was followed three years later by Elvis Presleyrecording his hit version of the song.[10] His recording at first annoyed Leiber who wrote, "I have no idea what that rabbit business is all about. The song is not about a dog, it's about a man, a freeloading gigolo."[14] But Elvis' version sold ten million copies, so today few fans know that "Hound Dog" began as "an anthem of black female power."[14] Similarly, Thornton originally recorded her song "Ball 'n' Chain" for Bay-Tone Records in the early 1960s, "and though the label chose not to release the song... they did hold on to the copyright"—which meant that Thornton missed out on the publishing royalties when Janis Joplin recorded the song later in the decade.

Success

As her career began to fade in the late 1950s and early 1960s,[2] she left Houston and relocated to the San Francisco Bay area, "playing clubs in San Francisco and L.A. and recording for a succession of labels",[8]notably the Berkeley-based Arhoolie Records. In 1965, she toured with the American Folk Blues Festival in Europe,[17] where her success was notable "because very few female blues singers at that time had ever enjoyed success across the Atlantic."[18] While in England that year, she recorded her first album for Arhoolie, Big Mama Thornton – In Europe. It featured backing by blues veterans Buddy Guy (guitar), Fred Below (drums), Eddie Boyd (keyboards), Jimmy Lee Robinson (bass), and Walter "Shakey" Horton (harmonica), except for three songs on which Fred McDowell provided acoustic slide guitar.

In 1966, Thornton recorded her second album for Arhoolie, Big Mama Thornton with the Muddy Waters Blues Band – 1966, with Muddy Waters (guitar), Sammy Lawhorn (guitar), James Cotton (harmonica), Otis Spann(piano), Luther Johnson (bass guitar), and Francis Clay (drums). She performed at the Monterey Jazz Festival in 1966 and 1968. Her last album for Arhoolie, Ball n' Chain, was released in 1968. It was made up of tracks from her two previous albums, plus her composition "Ball and Chain" and the standard "Wade in the Water". A small combo, including her frequent guitarist Edward "Bee" Houston, provided backup for the two songs. Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company's performance of "Ball 'n' Chain" at the Monterey Pop Festival in 1967 and the release of the song on their number one album Cheap Thrills renewed interest in Thornton's career.

By 1969, Thornton had signed with Mercury Records, which released her most successful album, Stronger Than Dirt, which reached number 198 in the Billboard Top 200 record chart. Thornton had now signed a contract with Pentagram Records and could finally fulfill one of her biggest dreams. A blues woman and the daughter of a preacher, Thornton loved the blues and what she called the "good singing" of gospel artists like the Dixie Hummingbirds and Mahalia Jackson. She had always wanted to record a gospel record, and with the album Saved (PE 10005), she achieved that longtime goal. The album includes the gospel classics "Oh, Happy Day," "Down By The Riverside," "Glory, Glory Hallelujah," "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands," "Lord Save Me," "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot," "One More River" and "Go Down Moses".

By then the American blues revival had come to an end. While the original blues acts like Thornton mostly played smaller venues, younger people played their versions of blues in massive arenas for big money. Since the blues had seeped into other genres of music, the blues musician no longer needed impoverishment or geography for substantiation; the style was enough. While at home the offers became fewer and smaller, things changed for good in 1972, when Thornton was asked to rejoin the American Folk Blues Festival tour. She thought of Europe as a good place for herself, and, with the lack of engagements in the United States, she agreed happily. The tour, beginning on March 2, took Thornton to Germany, France, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, the Netherlands, Denmark, Norway, Finland, and Sweden, where it ended on March 27 in Stockholm. With her on the bill were Eddie Boyd, Big Joe Williams, Robert Pete Williams, T- Bone Walker, Paul Lenart, Hartley Severns, Edward Taylor and Vinton Johnson. As in 1965, they garnered recognition and respect from other musicians who wanted to see them.

Late career and death

In the 1970s, years of heavy drinking began to damage Thornton's health. She was in a serious auto accident but recovered to perform at the 1973 Newport Jazz Festivalwith Muddy Waters, B.B. King, and Eddie "Cleanhead" Vinson (a recording of this performance, The Blues—A Real Summit Meeting, was released by Buddha Records). Thornton's last albums were Jail and Sassy Mama for Vanguard Records in 1975. Other songs from the recording session were released in 2000 on Big Mama Swings. Jailcaptured her performances during mid-1970s concerts at two prisons in the northwestern United States.[6] She was backed by a blues ensemble that featured sustained jams by George "Harmonica" Smith and included the guitarists Doug Macleod, Bee Houston and Steve Wachsman; the drummer Todd Nelson; the saxophonist Bill Potter; the bassist Bruce Sieverson; and the pianist J. D. Nicholson. She toured extensively through the United States and Canada, played at the Juneteenth Blues Fest in Houston and shared the bill with John Lee Hooker.[6] She performed at the San Francisco Blues Festival in 1979 and the Newport Jazz Festival in 1980. In the early 1970s, Thornton's sexual proclivities became a question among blues fans.[9] Big Mama also performed in the "Blues Is a Woman" concert that year, alongside classic blues legend Sippie Wallace, sporting a man's three-piece suit, straw hat, and gold watch. She sat at center stage and played pieces she wanted to play, which were not on the program.[20]Thornton took part in the Tribal Stomp at Monterey Fairgrounds, the Third Annual Sacramento Blues Festival, and the Los Angeles Bicentennial Blues with BB King and Muddy Waters. She was a guest on an ABC-TV special hosted by actor Hal Holbrook and was joined by Aretha Franklin and toured through the club scene. She was also part of the award-winning PBS television special Three Generations of the blues with Sippie Wallace and Jeannie Cheatham.[6]

Thornton was found dead at age 57 by medical personnel in a Los Angeles boarding house[21] on July 25, 1984. She died of heart and liver disorders due to her longstanding alcohol abuse. She had lost 355 pounds (161 kg) in a short time as a result of illness, her weight dropping from 450 to 95 pounds (204–43 kg).

[danibuck58-blog]

Why I started blogging.

Life comes with it’s share of ups and downs, we all know that. There are the downs that we can breath through and the downs that take the breath from our lungs. There are days we wish we could repeat forever and days that will haunt us forever.

On May 1st, 2017, I was driving home from the grocery store with a million thoughts in my head. I’m a mother of four. My two oldest were in school and my two youngest asked to stay with a dear friend of mine for a few hours. I was busy planning my to do list of all the things I could accomplish before the bigs got home from school and the littles came home from my friends. Free time doesn’t come often and I was planning on taking advantage.

My little brother called and said ‘where are you? I need you to come to my house. It’s about Dad, Mom is here and I’ll tell you everything when you get here. Just come over now.’ I kept asking what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me. Finally he said ‘Dad’s in the hospital, I’m so sorry, just come over.’ I knew right there, that this would be a day that would haunt me forever. You see in my family, there are no secrets. There is no ‘I’ll tell you when you get here’. I could hear the heartbreak in his voice. I knew in my heart, this was going to be bad. When I got to my brothers house, I immediatly knew something was wrong. My sister in laws car was in the drive and I knew she should be at work. When I walked in the door, the faces of devastation I saw made me loose my breath. I’m not sure why but I walked into their bathroom and stared in the mirror. I told myself that whatever I was about to hear would be okay. I told myself to get my shit together and go back out there and face what was going on. So, that’s what I did. I sat down and looked into my moms eyes as she repeated the events of her morning. I was told that morning that my dad had lost his eye site for a few minutes and my mom made him go to the hospital. They found tumors throughout his brain. I’ve worked in the medical field for years and knew that once cancer spread to the brain there was little hope. I also knew my father and he would never go through chemo and radiation. All of this was swirling in my head and all I wanted to do was see my dad. I kept thinking is he okay? If I can just get there i’ll be able to put his mind at ease somehow. I told my mom how sorry I was. My heart was breaking for her. She just found out that the man she had spent her entire life with wouldn’t grow old with her. My baby brother held me and let me have my moment. I cried so hard in that moment, for everything we had and everything I felt we were loosing. I went to my husbands work and broke down. I’m not someone who cries easily. So this was all new to me. I was trying to hold it all together. I was trying to talk with intelligence and strength. I just couldn’t do it. It was as if someone had a brick on my chest and I just couldn’t breath. My husband tried to calm me down. Told me he would take care of everything, not to worry. Once I knew my girls would be okay, I left for my dad.

You see my entire life, I had been a Daddy’s girl. He was the one person who could say anything to me and I would listen. He knew how to keep me in my lane. He was the person I ran to before making any decision. He was the hug I needed to make it through the bad days. He was the calming voice in my head when I felt alone. He would listen to me rant and cuss and yell when I needed to vent. He was my everything.

I can still remember walking across the bridge to the hospital. I don’t remember the car ride there. I walked by the labor and delivery waiting room. So many families smiling and showing each other pictures, I felt so sorry for us. The elevator ride took forever. When I got to the door way leading to my dad, I had that feeling that I couldn’t breath again. I walked in and gave him the longest hug. We both had tears in our eyes and we both just knew somehow that our days together were numbered. The next couple of days went by in a blur. They found tumors throughout his entire body. We would learn that he had small cell lung cancer that had spread. We were told he probably had it for a while. We were told if he did nothing he’d have weeks with us and if he decided on radiation to his brain he may have the summer. He ultimately decided he just wanted to go home. I spent most nights at the hospital with him and we would stay up all night talking for hours and going to the parking deck to smoke. He showed me how I was supposed to live and then he taught me how to die. That may sound strange but I’m not sure what I would have done knowing I had celebrated my last Christmas, birthday etc. I never saw him break down. Those nights were spent with him laying out all of the things I would need to do moving forward. His number one priority was my mom. He said ‘She’ll tell you she’s okay and wants to be alone. But don’t let that happen.’ Then my brothers, he told me all of the little things he does for them ‘when this one calls you upset, he doesn’t want your opinion so just listen’ and so on. He gave me advice on raising the girls. Two of my daughters suffer from genetic diseases and he told me he’d pull some strings when he got where he was going. He told me not to spend money on psychics or sit at the cemetary for hours because he wouldn’t be there. We planned his funeral like we were talking about the weather. We picked the songs we would play, Holding my own by Eric Church was one of them. We also joked about playing Willie Nelson’s Roll me up and smoke me when I die, we both agreed my mom would never forgive me. We laughed and cried and laughed again. I’ll always be thankful for those long nights together. Its not that we had unfinished business or anything that needed to be said. Those nights were just ours.

I drove my dad home from the hospital thinking, this could be that last time he’s ever in a car. What an odd thought during a time our entire world was crashing around us. My families strength during this time never faultered. My mother, brothers and I had one common goal and that was to make sure we were together and could take care of my dad. My brothers took leave from their work, and we all moved into our parents house. We all agreed that there would be no hospice aide, we would be the ones taking care of him. My aunt and husband took care of the kids. I would stay up all night with my dad, come home for breakfast and to get them ready for school and then go back to my parents. I was an emotional zomby. Reassuring my girls that everything was okay, Papa just didn’t feel good right now. My brothers and I being as strong as we could for my mom and dad, and spending more time together than we had in a while. It’s funny how life works. I would consider us all incredibly close but as life goes on, we are all so busy with work, spouses and kids, we don’t have a lot of time to just be together. They would stay up at night with me and I just loved the ball busting, jokes and sarcasm. It reminded me so much of my child hood. Sharing a lifetime of memories, day after day. I could share a million amazing and horrific memories of those days but there are some things that don’t need to be shared.

On May 13, 2017 my aunt woke me up and told me she didn’t think my dad had much longer. I walked downstairs and watched him in his hopital bed. My mom holding his hand. My brothers sleeping on the couches. Other family in and out of the living room. The t.v. was on and I can remember thinking, he hates this show. So I asked my uncle to hand me my phone. I pulled up Eric Church’s Holding my own. Set the phone by my dads head and held his hand. His breathing became so calm. We woke my brothers up, during that time I hit replay on the song. My dad took his last breath. It was peaceful and without a doubt made me believe there was a heaven. Thirteen days came and went from the time we found out he had cancer to the time he was gone. My entire world was shattered in thirteen days. My heart physically hurt for my mom, brothers and most of all for the four little girls I had sitting at home. He was still a young guy, 55 years young to be exact. He had so many plans for the future. Plans that would never happen now. I was 32 years old and didn’t have a dad here anymore.

My entire family loves Eric Church music. My brothers and dad especially. Music was always on in my house. We are always playing new songs for each other. Eric Church’s song Holding My Own will forever have a special place in my heart. It’s become my families hashtag of sorts. My dad passed the day before mother’s day. He’s now in heaven, Holding His Own. A torch was passed to me. I am still here grateful everyday to be Holding My Own.

I don’t think you are ever prepared to not talk your parents again. Especially for me, a man that I put on pedestal my entire life. My anchor and guiding force. He always told me I had a knack for writing and that I should do something with it. Maybe he was just being a supportive parent. You know, like those kids that try out for American Idol and can’t sing a lick?

Either way, I’m off now. Learning how to design a web site and social media. Writing my stories, opinions and advice. God help you all…. for better or worse, my hat is in the ring. Even if nobody reads what I write, I’m content with what I’ve accomplished so far.

This isn’t a whoa is me story. It’s a story of love, laughter, strength and hope. Even on my worst days, I straighten my crown because I’m Dan Brown’s daughter. In my 34 years of life, he prepared me for everything. I still see him, feel him and hear him everywhere I go.

For my father, my family, my girls;

I’ll Live Love and Die, Holding My Own.