#and this text obviously means they’ve been thinking about me and maybe they want to even apologize but

[meowcentral]

i received an olive branch from someone who really severely broke my heart today and I’m conflicted

#i don’t want to be mad at them for the rest of my life #i don’t even wanna be mad at them NOW but I still am literally losing sleep from what happened #and like it truly wasn’t their fault but the actions they took really fucked me up #and this text obviously means they’ve been thinking about me and maybe they want to even apologize but #part of me wants to break their heart back which I KNOW I KNOW i will literally just get more hurt from that #but god they’ve broken my heart so many times in the 10+ years we’ve known each other #i don’t think it’s so horrible of me to want them to feel the same #AHHHHH #even after everything I can’t stop myself from thinking that’ll we’ll have this amazing arching love story #but they’ve made it so so so SO CLEAR that I’m not an option and never will #GOD WHY HAVE I NEVER BEEN AN OPTION AHHHHHHH #never speaking to them again would probably kill me but if they really don’t know how much they hurt me like what are we even doing

[its-time-to-write]

I saw you asked for requests a few days ago. I was wondering if you would consider doing another part of the Kent!reader x Jamie fics.

I was thinking they do end up pregnant and its them telling everyone they’re pregnant . I can see everyone being so excited for them. And then Roy is just freaking out.

Since they’ve already discussed wanting to be together forever and have kids I can also see them deciding to get married before the baby is born in a small ceremony like Beard had.

I have quite a few requests about Jamie x reader having a kid, so if that ain’t your jam, maybe don’t read my next few posts😂 It’s totally my jam tho, maybe bc I’m suffering from baby fever again. thanks for requesting and for your patience!!

let’s fall in love for the night  

Jamie’s jiggling his leg up and down so fast that you’re surprised he hasn’t cramped yet. 

“Calm down,” you hiss, hand on his knee. 

“Can’t,” he whispers back. “Roy’s gonna fucking kill me.”  

You have no sympathy for him. “Yeah, and whose fault is that? Yours.”

Jamie shoots you a sideways glance. “Excuse me, this was a team effort.”

“Whatever,” you say. “I still say it’s your fault.”

Molly swoops by to refill your water glasses. “Dinner’s ready in a few minutes. Roy and Phoebe have been working very hard,” she says. 

She raises her eyebrows on the word very, and you’re sure that Roy’s patience is being pushed to his limits. He loves cooking and refuses to let anyone help him, but he also loves your niece and can’t deny her anything she wants. 

“Better go check on them,” she says, leaving you and Jamie alone again in the backyard. 

Jamie resumes the previous conversation and says, “Well, I wasn’t the one wearing that blue thing with the flowers.”

“Well obviously,” you shoot back, “it wouldn’t even fit you.”

Jamie’s stopped jiggling his leg and he places his hand on top of yours. “Oi. Has Roy ever actually killed anyone before, or does he just have serial killer eyebrows?”

You wrinkle your nose and ask, “Why the fuck would I know?”

“You’re his sister,” Jamie replies in Phoebe’s patented duh tone. 

“I’m his baby sister,” you say. “I’m even younger than Molly. If he’s killed someone, they’ve both conspired to make sure I’ll never find out. And hey, don’t make fun of the eyebrows. There’s a good chance this baby’s gonna end up with them.”

“Babe you don’t have ‘em,” Jamie points out. 

“I wax,” you say smugly. “Oh, Molly texted. Time to go inside.”

Jamie groans but lets you lead him to the table. 

—

All told, Phoebe didn’t do half bad. 

“Auntie, I did the potatoes all by myself,” she says. 

You look to Roy for confirmation. He grunts and gives a tiny nod. 

“Great job, Phoebs,” you say. 

Molly sets down her fork. “I’ve been thinking of changing my name back to ‘Kent,’” she says. 

“Brill,” says Jamie. 

“Fucking finally,” Roy says as he hands Phoebe some money. “For future words,” he mouths to her as she counts it before depositing what you’re pretty sure is 20 quid into her pocket. 

Molly says, “We’ll all be the Kents again,” and you can feel Jamie go stiff next to you.

“The fuck’s wrong with you?” Roy asks, and you turn to see Jamie’s gone completely pale. 

You pinch his thigh and he jumps. “Nothing,” he says hurriedly. “Well, not nothing. But, I dunno, don’t want to overshadow Molls’s good news, ya know? It ain’t important.”

You pinch him again. 

“Ok, it’s actually a little fucking important (sorry Phoebe, take it from Roy). But um, maybe you could help me babe?”

He shoots you a pleading look so you take pity on him. You’ve had more than twenty years dealing with Roy, so you’ll let Jamie slide this once.

“Right, so, we’ve been meaning to tell you- I’m having a baby,” you blurt out. 

Roy’s dinner roll gets crushed in his hand as his face goes bright red. 

“What,” he growls, and you’re not sure if you’re more terrified by the absence of “fuck”s or the fact that it was a statement, not a question. 

“That’s wonderful, love!” Molly says before Roy can say anything else. She’s not looking at him but you can practically feel him take psychic damage from the shut up and be happy you prick, message she’s sure to be telepathically sending him. 

“It’s Jamie’s, right?” she continues, taking a bite of salad. 

“The fuck kind of question is that?” you ask indignantly. “Who else’s would it be?”

“You don’t have to pay me for that one,” Phoebe pipes up. “I’ll give you a free tab of one hundred words because of the baby. If it’s a girl, you can have fifty more.”

You grin. “Sounds like a plan.”

“You’re probably going to owe her the fifty, Phoebs,” Molly says. She points to Jamie with her fork. “I mean, look at him. He practically screams ‘girl dad.’” 

“That’s- fucking- great,” Roy garbles out. “‘Scuse me.”

“We’re having a backyard wedding next Saturday, too,” you call after him. “So we probably won’t all be the Kents again.”

You wince as he slams a door from somewhere in the house. 

“He’ll come ‘round,” Molly says consolingly. “Remember how he was with Phoebe? And I was already married!”

You grip Jamie’s hand. “Molls, why can’t he just emote like a regular person? I mean honestly, did our parents fuck him up that bad?”

Molly raises a shoulder in a half shrug. “I don’t know, babe. Think he’s just like us, really, afraid of loving something so he just pushes it all away. And besides, you’re the baby of the family. We’ve always tried to protect you and keep you safe, and sometimes he feels like you’re out of reach.”

You ask, “He told you that?” and Molly just laughs. 

“Not in so many words,” she replies. “But you know how he is.”

“He’s an arsehole,” you grumble. “I’m going to go talk to him.

—

Roy is, predictably, in the backyard. Not many places for him to go and think properly. 

You find him sitting under the tree. 

“Oi,” you say, “budge over.”

He grunts and moves so you’re not quite in the dirt. 

“Can you be sitting on the ground?” he asks. 

“It’s been like three months,” you reply, “That isn’t long enough for me to get stuck places.”

Roy says, “hmm,” but doesn’t offer up anything else so you just sit in silence next to him, pressing your shoulder to his. 

“Why the fuck did it have to be Tartt?” he asks after a beat. “Could’ve been fucking anyone in the fucking world, and you fucking chose him.”

“You like Jamie,” you say in confusion. 

“I don’t,” Roy replies, “he’s a prick. And a fucking footballer. Why’d you have to go for a fucking good-for-nothing footballer? He can’t even be around for his family when they go through shit because he’s going to be busy scoring fucking meaningless goals or some shit.”

That stings for a moment, but you take a good look at Roy’s face. It’s stoic, but shit if you can’t read it like a book. Blood is blood, and you’re a Kent just like him. 

“This isn’t about him, is it. It’s about you. You think you did a shit job as a brother and an uncle so Jamie’s going to be a shit father.”

“I missed out on a lot,” Roy says hoarsely. “And before you say fucking shit, I’m not fucking crying. So shut the fuck about it.”

You grin and wrap your arms around him. “You’re the best big brother a girl could ask for. Took all my cues from you. And anyway, you’ve been there when it counts. Phoebe fucking adores you, practically attached at the hip you two. And yeah, Molls and I missed you when you were at Sunderland and Chelsea and wherever. But… you came back. We needed you, and you came back. So don’t go projecting your stupid self-image on Jamie, because he’s not like that. And you’re not either, you absolute fucking ape-armed frizzy-haired shit-faced twat.”

Roy huffs out a chuckle. “Ape-arms. Haven’t heard that one in a while.”

“Almost went with ‘camel knees.’ Haven’t used that since I was ten, but I thought it might hit too close to home these days.”

Roy laughs for real this time and tilts his head so it’s resting on yours. “Still fucking weird that my little sister’s having a kid.”

You say, “You’ll get over it. Oh, and don’t wear a goddamn T-shirt on Saturday.”

—

It’s rainy, so the backyard wedding becomes a living room wedding, because who really gives a shit? Richmond have a game tomorrow, but for today they’re in yours and Jamie’s house all dressed up (but still in trainers) laughing and smiling as Dani officiates what you’re sure is your dream wedding. 

It’s not the one you and Molly would’ve giggled about as kids when you sneaked from your bed into hers, but everyone you loves is here. 

For once, Jamie’s house almost seems too small.  

(Dani was the only person you two knew who was ordained or whatever. And hey, could you have picked a happier person for it?)

Molly and Keeley had gone out with you to find a white dress, Sam and Phoebe were the flower-people, and Roy walked you down the stairs to where Jamie was standing with Isaac by his side. 

“I’m not fucking crying,” Roy whispers in your ear. “It’s fucking allergies from being in this prick’s house for too long.”

“It’s my house too,” you remind him. 

Roy just sniffs, pats your hand where it’s tucked into his arm, and presses a kiss to your cheek.

All in all, it was pretty great. 

Gifts range from hair products to restaurant gift cards to designer baby clothes, including a tie-dyed onesie from Phoebe. 

“I have a matching one at home,” she explains. 

But now it’s the evening and everyone is gone except family. 

“Can’t believe my baby’s married,” says a beaming Georgie as she ruffles Jamie’s hair from their place on the couch.

“Can’t believe he attained his childhood goal of marrying into the Kent family,” Molly remarks. 

Jamie grins smugly. “What can I say, I’m a fucking goal-getter.”

You’re snuggled in Jamie’s arms, dress exchanged for a white sweatshirt and sweatpants set, courtesy of Rebecca. 

“I’d’ve had a poster of you on me wall if they made one, babe,” Jamie says. “Better sight than that hairy git.”

Roy just rolls his eyes and says “I’m getting another beer.”

“Can you bring me a piece of cake?” you call after him.

“Me too?” Phoebe asks, looking hopefully at Molly. 

Jamie pats your knee. “Don’t think he heard you, love. I’ll get it for ya. You too, Phoebs.” He shoots a wink in her direction, and she giggles. 

“Oi, grandad,” Jamie says, walking into the kitchen. “Did you hear your sister?”

Roy turns around from the fridge with a menacing look.  

“If she has a single moment of unhappiness, I’m going to fucking kill you,” he growls.

“Jesus, sorry,” Jamie says, hands in the air. “What’s got your knickers all in a twist?”

Fucking Jamie, never able to back down from a good squabble with Roy. 

They’re both keeping their voices down because they know if they got caught, no less than three people would be grabbing them by the ear and yelling. 

They might know this from personal experience. 

Roy says, “She’s my little sister. I’d fucking murder for her, and so would Molly. Always tried to make it easier for her when she missed our parents and shit, but it always fucking got to her anyway. Didn’t help that I fucked off to Sunderland at fucking nine, before she was even fucking born. She’s wanted a family of her own for fucking ages, and if you fuck this up for her they will never. Find. Your body.”

Jamie’s not sure Roy’s ever looked this menacing, which is saying something, because he’s Roy fucking Kent. He always looks menacing. 

So he nods and says quietly, “I ain’t gonna fuck it up, Coach. Had a shit dad too. Always wished he were around, except when he was then he’d get all fuckin’ angry and shit. But… still wanted him, y’know? Weird. Anyway, not gonna be like that with her. I want a family too.”

Roy looks straight into his eyes, looking for the barest hint of insincerity. Jamie’s gaze doesn’t waver. He’s not sure of much, but he’s sure of this. He’s sure of you. 

Roy says, “Right,” nods once, then claps Jamie on the shoulder right at his phone dings. 

Jamie pulls out his phone to a text from you that reads, pls stop fangirling over my brother. baby wants cake and so does ur mum

He smiles and tries to figure out how to balance three plates at once. 

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

[bingwriterxo]

miscommunication

pairing: vada cavell x reader

summary: in which you and vada are really bad at the whole 'talking' thing

warnings: none

word count: 2300+

author's note: this was a request! the end convo might be a little confusing, but it's supposed to be! they have a lot of feelings and unsaid words, ok??

“So, like, what’s the deal with you and Vada?” Nick asked, glancing toward you.

The two of you were at his house, laying in his bed side by side, and talking about whatever came to mind. Usually, there was an energetic, babbling brunette between you, chatting your ears off and barely letting either of you get a single word in, but not this time. No, this time, Vada was at Mia Reed’s house, much to your discontent.

You clenched your jaw. “What’re you talking about?”

He twisted to lay on his side, his elbow digging into the mattress and his hand supporting his head so that he could look down at you. “I’m talking about the fact that you’ve been stewing in…whatever the hell you’re feeling right now…ever since Vada texted saying she can’t make it.”

You scoffed, thinking about the texts that the girl had sent in your group chat half an hour ago.

V ;) (6:47pm): can’t make it

V ;) (6:47pm): going to mias

V ;) (6:47pm): sorry

“I just think it’s rude to cancel on your best friends when you’re literally supposed to be hanging out with them at the time you cancel,” you said.

Nick hummed, pulling his lips tight. “Sure. That’s definitely why you’re upset.”

You sat up, eyes narrowed in suspicion and eyebrows drawn together. “Why are you saying it like that?”

He shrugged. “I just think that, maybe, you’re…jealous.” He said the last word carefully, like it would be the fuse that set off the bomb that was you.

“And why would I be jealous?” you pushed.

“Well, because you and Vada are doing”--he gestured with his hands--“whatever the hell you two are doing--”

“Friends with benefits, Nick,” you interrupted. “It has a name.”

“Yeah. That.” He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. My point is that you obviously have feelings for Vada, and our idiot friend has no idea, so she thinks it’s okay to just fuck around with whoever she wants.”

You chuckled dryly. “First of all, Vada’s not an idiot.” You paused, thought for a moment. “Okay, sometimes she’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, you got that right,” Nick muttered under his breath.

“Secondly…you think she’s fucking around with Mia?” you asked, voice cracking. Tears pricked at your eyes as you waited for him to answer, suddenly feeling too vulnerable.

“I mean, she hasn’t said anything about it, but they’ve been spending a lot of time together.”

You gulped. “Whatever.” Your eyes flitted around the room. “Just because I have feelings for Vada doesn’t mean she can’t fuck around with who she wants.” You shrugged. “It doesn’t feel great, sure, but…our situation isn’t exclusive or anything. If she wants to sleep with…Mia Reed…then she can.” You glanced down at your hands, trying to ignore the hurt building around your heart. “It doesn’t matter to me,” you finished quietly.

“Y/N,” he said softly, drawing your attention back to him. “You can talk to me about this, you know that, right? I’m not gonna run and tell Vada, okay?” He offered you a pitying smile. “I know it hurts you, and I know you don’t want to tell her about your feelings, but you should talk to someone.”

You shut your eyes, hard, and when you opened them again, you shook your head and sighed. “It’s okay, Nick. I’m fine.”

“Y/N--”

“Can we just talk about something else?” You bit your bottom lip. “Please?”

He sighed. “You know, you should try to take your mind off her. Maybe…hook up with someone else?” he suggested. When you glared at him, he said, “Wait, wait. Listen. If you hook up with other people, it’d probably help with your feelings, you know? Maybe you wouldn’t hold Vada in that…godly light you do.”

“It wouldn’t feel right.”

“Well, you said it yourself: you and Vada aren’t exclusive. It’s not like you’d be cheating on her or anything.” You mulled the thought over, and, when you didn’t respond, Nick continued with, “Just think about it, yeah?”

* * *

“Vada?” Mia asked as she opened her front door. “What’re you doing here?”

Instead of offering a response, Vada pushed past her and beelined to her bedroom, leaving the blonde to catch up. When she did, the brunette was pacing around the room, and, for a moment, Mia was positive that she’d end up burning a hole in the floor.

“Dude, what’s wrong?”

Vada turned to her, eyes wide and bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “I’m going through, like, a serious crisis right now.”

“O…kay…” Mia stepped forward, placed a hand on Vada’s shoulder, and guided her toward the bed. She sat her down, but the brunette’s leg wouldn’t stop bouncing, and Mia sighed. “I thought you were supposed to be with Y/N and Nick right now. Why don’t you talk to them about it?”

“Because Y/N is the crisis,” Vada admitted meekly. She glanced at Mia. “Every time I think about her, my heart starts racing, and I can feel my entire body get…oddly warm, and it's like I constantly itch to be around her.”

Mia’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open slightly as she whispered, “Oh.” She smiled softly, excitedly. “You like Y/N.”

Vada shook her head fervently. “No. No, I--I can’t.” She stood and began her pacing again. “I can’t like Y/N because we’re supposed to be best friends…who sleep together, I guess, but that doesn't change the fact that we started off as best friends. And--and, our…benefits thing, it’s supposed to be no strings attached, just fun, so I can’t like her, because she doesn’t like me back. Plus, that’s, like, illegal in the world of friendships.” She took a deep breath in and looked at Mia. “Isn’t it? Tell me it’s illegal, Mia.”

“Vada, it’s okay if you like her,” Mia said. “I feel like that’s bound to happen in this situation. I mean, you’re best friends, and you’re having sex. You’re kind of…basically…a little bit…in a relationship, if you think about it.” She shrugged. “So it makes sense that you’d have feelings for her.”

“No, you don’t get it. Y/N…she doesn’t see me that way. She just…doesn't.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know her.”

Mia hummed. “Have you asked her?”

Vada groaned and threw her hands over her face. “No, I haven’t asked her!” she whined into her palms. “Why would I ask her? Then she’d pick up on my feelings. Duh!”

“Maybe that’s not a bad thing?” Mia said. “I mean, Y/N could like you back, Vada. It’s not an impossibility.”

“Yes it is!” She peeled her hands away from her face to look at the other girl. “Y/N doesn’t like me. End of story. But”--she sighed--“I do like her. So, what am I supposed to do with that?”

Mia grimaced. “I really think you should talk to her.”

Vada groaned again. “You are no help!”

* * *

“Nick, I really don’t wanna go to this,” you said as the boy parked outside of Mia’s house. Through the windows, you could see flashing lights, the silhouettes of people you were sure were your classmates, and a haze of smoke.

Nick turned to you. “It’ll be fun, Y/N! You can either get drunk out of your mind or…do what we talked about.”

“Nick--”

He raised his hands in surrender. “All I’m saying is that if Brittany from math happens to flirt with you, don’t turn her down, okay? She’s hot, and I know she’s into you.”

You groaned. “Fine. Whatever.”

You climbed out of the car, slammed the door shut, and ignored Nick’s smug grin as the two of you walked to the front door. Just before you were about to push it open, he spun on his heel, and said, “Also, Vada’s gonna be here.”

“Nick!” You hadn’t talked to the girl since she flaked on your plans the other day, and you weren’t exactly keen on seeing her, the idea of her sleeping with Mia floating through your head.

“What?”

“I hate you, you know,” you grumbled.

He grinned. “Sure you do, tiger.”

The entire party was a whirlwind. One moment you were entering the house, the next you were downing your fourth or fifth shot of the night, and the next you were standing in Mia’s kitchen as Brittany from math batted her eyelashes at you and offered you a sly smile.

“I feel like I never see you at these, Y/N,” she said.

You nodded lazily, the alcohol fogging up your mind. “Yeah.”

“Well…” She ran her hand up your arm until it rested on your shoulder. “I’m glad you decided to come tonight.” She flashed you a grin as her eyes ran down your body. “You look really good.”

Nick’s idea was pounding at the front of your mind, and you knew what he’d say if he were there: Just kiss her! However, you hadn’t seen the boy since you first arrived; he had mysteriously disappeared.

“Thanks,” you said, smiling. “You look good, too.”

“You think so?” She was leaning closer to you, her hand tightening on your shoulder.

“Yeah. Yeah, you look…great.”

Her eyes flitted down to your lips. You gulped and dragged your tongue across your bottom one. She seemed to take the nervous action as one of invitation, and suddenly she was a breath away. You could feel her short puffs of air on your lips, but all you could think about was the fact that she wasn’t your brunette best friend, and that she was taller than you instead of shorter, and that her eyes were blue instead of brown. You hated it.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of a cup hitting the ground and a drink splashing across the floor. When you glanced over Brittany’s shoulder, you spotted Vada standing feet away, her eyes wide and pooling with tears, her mouth agape like she was ready to sob.

She caught your glance and turned away quickly. You watched as one of her arms drew up, hand likely swiping across her face, and your stomach dropped. You glanced back at Brittany, who looked like she was more than ready to pounce on you.

“I’m sorry,” you rushed out before slipping away from her quickly, leaving her no room to argue. You pushed through the crowd, trying to keep your eyes on the head of brown hair that you could see scurrying away. “Vada!” you called desperately. “Vada!”

She didn’t slow down. Instead, she seemed to pick up the pace, and you cursed, finding it more difficult to get past people. You didn’t bother to apologize for any drinks you spilled, or for bumping into couples making out, or for ignoring other people trying to talk to you. You just needed to get to Vada.

Finally, you caught her outside, where she bent over, her hands on her knees, and, at first, you thought she was throwing up. You were quickly proven wrong, however, as you heard her gasping for air, trying to keep her sobs at bay.

You approached her slowly. “V,” you said quietly, placing a hand on her back. She whirled around and took a step back, staring up at you with an expression that could only be described as pure hurt. “Vada…”

“Don’t,” she warned. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, V,” you said, taking a step forward. “Listen, what you saw back there--”

“Is fine,” she interrupted. “We’re just best friends with benefits, and…and you don’t like me, and that’s fine.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused. “What…? Why would that matter?”

She scoffed and glanced at her feet. “Yeah, why would that matter?” she repeated sarcastically.

“Vada, I’m being serious.” You took another cautious step forward and ducked down a bit so that you could look her in the eyes. “I understand if you’re upset, okay? I mean, I get it…but, you know, we should probably talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

You huffed. “Fine. If you want to close yourself off like this, then fine. I know how you operate, V, and I know I’m not gonna get anything out of you like this. I just…I want you to be okay.”

She looked at you. “Is that why you were kissing Brittany? Because you want me to be okay?”

“I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean!” You threw your arms out to the side, let them fall and slap against your legs. “I’m just trying to--to forget about the whole…friends with benefits shit right now and just be your friend, Vada.” You slumped your shoulders. “Can you just talk to me?”

“I like you, okay?!” she shouted suddenly, clenching her eyes shut. “I like you, and you obviously don’t like me back, and that’s fine. I’ll deal.” She ran a hand down her face. “You should probably go back inside to Brittany.”

Silence blanketed you, filling the air as you took in her words.

“You like me?”

Vada bit her bottom lip and sighed in defeat. “Yeah. I do.” She looked at you. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought you were--Are you not sleeping with Mia, too?”

Her face scrunched. “Why would I be sleeping with Mia?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. You guys have just been spending a lot of time together, and Mia’s, you know, conventionally attractive, and Nick brought it up, and I just…I don’t know. The idea stuck with me, I guess.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping with Mia. I don’t…” She shivered. “I can’t even think of Mia that way.”

“Oh.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “So, you like me?”

“Do I have to say it again?”

You chuckled suddenly, and Vada watched you. “Dude, we’re fucking idiots.”

“W--what?”

“I like you, too, Vada.” You shrugged, looking around sheepishly. “I just didn’t say anything because I thought that you were, you know, not into me like that.”

“But…Brittany?”

“Nick wanted me to try hooking up with someone else to distract myself from you.” You scoffed. “Obviously it didn't work. But, I mean, we didn’t--I didn’t kiss her. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Her eyes widened as the realization hit her, and she laughed. “Oh my god, we are literally so stupid!”

“I know,” you said. You took a step forward, cupped her cheek with your hand. “So, does this mean I can kiss you, then? You know, in a more romantic way than friends with benefits?”

Vada nodded. “Yes please.”

Before you even had the chance to pull her in, she was pressing her lips to yours, melding them together like she never wanted to be separated from you again. And, honestly, you didn’t think that sounded half bad.

bonus: “you know,” mia said as she watched you and vada in the backyard. “we’re pretty good at this whole meddling thing.”

“yeah,” nick agreed. he took a sip from his drink. “we really are.”

#vada cavell x reader #vada cavell #vada x reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #jenna x reader #the fallout

[sitp-recs]

🎶 HD Wireless 2023 - Sitp Recs

After a short hiatus I come bearing Wireless gifts! I was hoping to get started today but a power outage gave me some free hours (and a charged phone) on Thursday night so here we are. The fest has been posting for the past two weeks and these are my favorites so far. I was thinking I might just update this list as I go on through the second half (instead of creating a new one) so pls expect a few reblogs. The idea is to celebrate these amazing works and invite folks to check them out before reveals! Keep in mind that as usual, my picks are 100% personal and based on my own preferences. I strongly recommend checking the full collection. Enjoy!

Fic:

🚬 Don’t hate him when he gets up to leave by @deliciousblizzardshark (M, 2k)

The linens are white and empty, sunlight slanting through the window illuminating a bed that has been deserted. Draco knew Potter would leave; he’s always gone by morning. Draco doesn’t even remember what he looks like in daylight.

🦵Wrong in all the Right Ways by @phdmama (E, 4k)

Draco is pretty sure that Potter is trying to kill him. Not in, like a murdery sort of way. There’s been too much atonement and forgiveness and redemption for that. Too many difficult conversations that ended, more than once, with awkward hugs. Maybe even some tears. They’re not friends obviously, but at the very least, they’ve moved past the past. (Mostly.) So no, Potter’s definitely not trying to kill him in a permanent death sort of way, but more like… In a horny sort of way.

🌃 All I Think About by @skeptiquewrites (T, 4.4k)

Sometimes all it takes is one perfect late summer night in June.

📱 Mirrors inside me by @cavendishbutterfly (E, 6k)

Draco’s been in love with Potter forever. And just because they work together, and they fuck, and they text and break up and get back together regularly doesn’t mean Potter needs to know. In fact, it’s a pretty good reason why he shouldn’t.

🎹 About This Place by @academicdisasterfic (E, 10k)

Harry left everything, including Draco. Harry’s returned to everything, including Draco. Things are never quite so simple, though perhaps they could be. Based on ‘You and I’ by Lady Gaga for Wireless 2023.

🌈 I only want the ones I envy (I envy) by porcelainheart3 (E, 13k)

Despite this arrangement he has with Draco, conducted entirely in the privacy of a dusty stationery cabinet, Harry is definitely not gay. But to appease his friends, he agrees to go on one (1) date with a man. Just to be sure.

🥃 if i could never give you peace by poisonivy206 (E, 17k)

Eleven years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Aurors Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are forcibly brought together by a new case that's bound to reopen old wounds. Enter a Firewhisky problem, prejudices that never really go away, and an obsession as old as time.

🚙 Rich Friend by @sorrybutblog (E, 18k)

As far as Harry can tell, Draco Malfoy is still rich as hell. He’s just not a wizard anymore. Featuring: Draco Malfoy trying to make it as a Muggle pop star, Harry Potter as our confused and horny hero, bad driving, good music, and the mysterious magic of falling for someone.

🍫 Waking Up Slow by @sweet-s0rr0w, art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 22k)

'Twas the night before Christmas, although it’s July / Draco’s a shopkeeper, no-one knows why / There’s hiking and witch caves, freak snowfalls and more / Bad Christmas jumpers, nosy neighbours galore / Narcissa’s here too, but… something’s amiss / And what’s in those chocolates that’s making them kiss?

🪩 Take You Home by @lqtraintracks (E, 26k)

Everybody’s a little fucked up after the war, Draco especially. What starts as hate sex after a night out, eventually turns into something else, something more like comfort. And even though his friends all tell Harry he’s just being used, all Harry’s doing is making sure Draco gets home in one piece. He’s not falling helplessly in love.

🐍 Sun Thief by @floydig, art by BlackRose532 (E, 28k)

It’s 2005, and Draco Malfoy says, “Fuck the Ministry,” Harry works as a handyman in muggle London, and Draco should really stop pissing off the Squib gangs. Or: Harry beats up a pimp and isn’t sorry about it, Draco deals black market potions, and they’re shagging. Again.

🍊 Nothing But You On My Mind by @moonflower-rose (M, 29k)

Potter has been in Australia on an internship for almost a year, and Draco cannot wait for him to get back home. They'll finally have a chance to talk about their feelings for each other. What could possibly go wrong? Loads, as it turns out.

🌊 What We Left Behind by peachydreamxx (E, 33k)

Harry's recovering from an injury. Malfoy's recovering from heartbreak. Beaten down and bruised, Harry takes up Malfoy's offer to stay at his secluded seaside cottage in Dorset. It'll be good to get away from it all. It's only for a few days, and it's only so he can heal. Nothing else. Digging up past feelings will only make matters worse, and besides, Malfoy doesn't feel the same way. Does he?

🏝️ LA, Who Am I To Love You? by @epitomereally (E, 42k) ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Harry’s summer in LA is not going as expected. Pansy Parkinson keeps inviting him to parties in the Hollywood Hills and harassing him to finally go to the physical therapist, Blaise Zabini keeps slipping new strains of his company’s magical weed into Harry’s pockets in hopes of an endorsement, and Draco Malfoy keeps having sex with everyone but Harry.

🧩 The Waiting by @oknowkiss (E, 43.5k)

It’s been almost ten years since Draco Malfoy disappeared during a routine Curse Breaker training exercise. Harry, his partner in more ways than one, is determined to figure out why. As the past resurfaces and the present fades into confusion, Harry discovers the only thing more unreliable than memory is love.

🐶 Everybody Hates a Tourist by @wolfpants (E, 51k)

On a stag do in sunny Brighton with the Gryffindor lads, the last person Harry expects to run into is Draco Malfoy. After a glimpse of Malfoy’s Muggle life in Britain’s gay capital, Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself returning to the seaside again and again, drawn to the city, drawn to this new version of Malfoy that Harry barely recognises from school.

Art:

📸 Alive by @itsphantasmagoria (E)

Harry is lost after the final battle, but he finds comfort from an unexpected source.

🎙️ Why don't you like me? by @caroll-in (T)

Failing to ask Harry out, Draco deals with his feelings in a very dramatic fashion.

🥂 Shivers and Cold Champagne by @maesterchill (T)

Sometimes, you meet someone in the club, and you just know...they’re all in.

🕶️ keep driving by @babooshkart (M)

cocaine, side boob, choke her with a sea view

#hd wireless 2023 #sitp recs

[rrenzwrld]

mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe

in which connie is a famous basketball player who has a secret baby with his best friend

final part! :( here’s what i listened to while i wrote and WARNING! it may or may not make you feel emotions idk.. read part 6 here! (the playlist only had like 10 songs but i just kept putting them on repeat so..)

tags: @beautifulalienslimecroissant @iikatsukii @neptunes1nterweb @yourrfavzxri @prettypink-princesss @nvvacanesworld @atinystaypixie @getoscrybaby

After the game last week, Connie didn’t even bother to call or text at any point. Naturally, I didn’t know if I should’ve been worried or angered. Even through the new week and into the start of the weekend, it was as if Connie had fell off the face of the earth.

“I think you should pull up.” Layla suggested. Of course she’d say that because she also found this just as fishy as I did.

“I don’t even know where he lives..”

“Oh we can find out. Call Armin.”

“No! Armin can’t solve all our issues, Lay. What if he’s mad at me?”

Layla raised a brow. “Armin?”

“No, Connie.”

“Oh, girl.. I dunno, I mean you didn’t do anything right?”

“No! I thought we were cool but he’s not answering my calls or texts so I don’t know what I did.” My voice hitched onto the loose tears that tempted to roll down my cheeks. I was starting to think we were building the relationship we once had again but everything was falling back just how I expected. Did he know? Was that why he was ignoring me?

“Bitch..” Layla snatched my phone from my hands. “I’m finna text him myself cause’ this is ridiculous.. got you cryin and shit.”

I reached forward to grab it from her. “Lay—“ The phone vibrated in her hands with a call from Connie.

“Speak of the devil. Saved his own ass..” She gave me the phone so I could answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” His tone was steady and firm, which made me shake with overflowing nerves.

“I been texting and calling you—“

“I know.”

“So you been ignoring me on purpose?” The worry had subsided and anger consumed me. “For a fuckin week Connie?”

“I’m not in the mood for your attitude right now, Chy’anne. I need you to come over so we can talk.”

“You blow me off for a fuckin week and you think imma do what you say like I’m your bitch? What is there to talk about?”

“Celest.” He knew. But how did he know? Who told him?

“Cel..Celest?”

“I’ll text you the address.” He hung up without saying another word. And I couldn’t bring myself to say another word after that.

“He knows.. don’t he?” I just stared at the phone whilst everything inside me crumbled like cement towers.

I bit down on my lips. “He wants… I gotta go to..” I could hardly get my words together. “He wants me to go over there.”

Layla stood up from the chair at the island. “Need me to go with you?” Luckily Celest was at my mom’s house so Layla could’ve went but I spoke against it.

I shook my head. “No, I’ll go by myself.

“Got the address?” I nodded.

“Good. Send it to me so I know if I need to bust a cap inna nigga’s ass.” Her comment made me laugh a little.

“Okay, I’ll be back. If you leave, lock up.”

I put in the address and started on my way. Of course he lived up in the rich people community so it was a while a way from the inner city or any other normal neighborhoods. When I got there, I thought I had to pass by a gate but it opened automatically to my car which was weird. His driveway covered the entire front of his front yard but it was occupied with a bunch of other foreign cars. I didn’t know if they were his or if other people were guests. But it obviously wasn’t the time to examine his house.

Connie let me in without words as we walked over to what looked to be a den or living area and sat down on a soft black velvet sectional. I couldn’t even meet his eyes because I knew they were full of something other than the happiness or joy that they’ve been full of all this time.

“I know the baby’s mine, Chy’anne.” I finally looked up at him now though. “I just wanna know why.”

“..Why—“

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was calm but he didn’t have to yell or raise it for me to know he was hurt.

I bit on the inside of my cheek as I fiddled with my thumbs.

“You don’t hear me talkin to you?” I stayed quiet but not by choice. I had stuff I wanted to say, I had stuff I wanted to scream, I had stuff I wanted to pour out to him but there was something stuck in my throat that I couldn’t choke up no matter how hard I wanted to.

“Hm?” He used his finger and thumb to raise my head to his. I turned away to look back down. I was afraid that what I might say next would push him away farther than before but maybe he just really wanted to know the truth, nothing more. I did owe that to him. “Chy’anne?”

“I was scared..” I mumbled.

“Fuck, you know I don’t do that mumbling shit—“

“I was scared, okay?” He moved back a bit. “I was..” My voice cracked and I was starting to cry again. “I kept her from you because I was scared. Scared of losing you, scared of ruining your dream, scared of you abandoning her, scared of.. everything.” I knew I had his attention when he didn’t respond immediately after that so I just kept going.

“When we had sex, I thought it’d ruin or friendship forever and when I found out I was pregnant right before you went to the draft, I knew that would be even worse. I knew that if I..” The tears rolled so fast, my hands couldn’t keep up. “I knew that if I told you that I was pregnant, you wouldn’t have got on that plane to California. You would’ve wanted to stay here and you would’ve never did what you wanted to do. I couldn’t let you do that. I couldn’t let you miss out on a dream you’ve had for years because of me.”

“Chy—“ He reached out for my hands.

“And I felt bad because everyone knew but you.” His face was unreadable now.

“What?” He was standing up now and I felt things would go left.

“Connie—“

“Fuck you mean everyone knew but me? I should’ve known—“

“You couldn’t know, Connie! If you knew, you wouldn’t have all this and you’d be sittin right up there with me, stuck. I couldn’t sit and watch that happen to you.”

His chest heaved up and down in heavy breaths of frustration. “Who knew..”

“Your family, my family, everyone. They knew what would happen.” He couldn’t fake the sadness or betrayal that was etched into his face. Nor could he stop the tears that escaped his hazel eyes.

“I could’ve helped you, Chy’anne. I could’ve been there.” He sat back down and threw his head into his open hands as he cried freely. “Feel like a fuckin failure..” I forcefully pulled his hands from his face.

“No no no, don’t say that. You deserve all that you have. You earned it, be proud.” I tried smiling at him through my stained cheeks but he didn’t respond to my words. I brushed a hand under his chin so he faced me. God, was he beautiful.. “I’m proud of you, Connie.”

His eyes wandered mine before he pulled me into his chest, softly cradling my head. “M’sorry.” My heart broke as I heard the tremble in his voice. “Sorry I wasn’t there, sorry I let you go, I—“ I shushed him. My arms wrapped around his back as we sank into each other, molding together like lost puzzle pieces.

“I love you.” He spoke again. “So much..”

“I love you too, Connie.” My eyes closed automatically, his touch feeling familiar to my fingertips. “I’ll never leave you again, promise.” He chuckled against my shoulder before pulling his body from mine but his hand still lingered on my cheek.

“C-Can I do something?” My head tilted.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?.. Please?” My lips upturned into a smile before I nodded, allowing him to pull them into his. Kissing him felt natural and this time, it didn’t feel wrong. Being with him this time felt right, it felt just right.

the end :( anyways! i hope you enjoyed this small rollercoaster with connie and chy’anne and feel free to lmk if you want more of them in lil oneshots or something! i felt like i could’ve added more but for this to be the last part, i really didn’t wanna make it too long for y’all. but thank you for reading this series and the comments, likes, and the reblogs reallyyy mean a lot to me <3 i appreciate the support + luv yall fr🥹

#aot #aot x reader #black reader #aot x black reader #connie springer #aot connie #connie x oc #connie x black oc #black oc #basketball au

[tallulahbunny]

Hey lovelies (Just a text-post, I’m sorry)

I just wanted to make a little post just to maybe humanise myself a tiny bit. I know looking at my account its clear I’m into some pretty rough kinks, and this is true. I do also absolutely love sharing myself online, truly. It’s brought me a level of empowerment and acceptance of my body I never thought I would reach.

However I just want to maybe super quick remind you that I’m a real person, with feelings (fragile ones at that). I’m a little worried of being vulnerable on here because I know that Is not really my type of content, and I’m very aware you probably just want to scroll to the boobs and rope and body (you have permission, go on).

I know I go for a kinda free use submissive vibe (which I do love with consent and trust) however I think posting myself like this has reached a slight level of dehumanising which is slightly harmful to my mental health. I’ve been having panic attacks and in part they’ve been due to my anxiety over this account.

I’ll still be posting, but I think I’m maybe going to try and post a little more carefree content. I’ve been so panicky recently about making perfect pictures. Perfect rope, perfect body, perfect poses, and it’s very exhausting because I hold myself and my content to a hopefully fairly high standard, but it’s unfortunately becoming impossible. The dehumanising messages are really taking their toll and there’s only so much of a wall I can put up. I’m hoping that even one of you reads this it might make you understand me as a human being a little more. That’s all I need.

Obviously I absolutely love receiving messages, but again, like it says in my bio, your best shot is being nice. If nice isn’t you’re thing, at least try and be clever with your message weather it be a scenario or degradation or threat or whatever you fancy. I really don’t fancy another message that just says “hoe” or “send me pictures”. And please, remember there is a difference between degradation and just… bullying.

Basically I think I’m going to try to just be a bit more expressive, a little more me and hopefully a lot more laid back so hopefully I can fully enjoy my time here. And I’m hoping that maybe I can start humanising myself a little to you guys. I’m not just boobs! Though understandably that has been most of my page so far ahah. If anyone has any asks they want to send ill happily respond and maybe that way you guys can start getting to know me, not just my rope and my body.

Thank you to everyone who has been so so lovely to me, it means so much, I hope you continue to love my content, and hopefully me as a creator. I’m so so sorry it got so deep for a second there, won’t happen again anytime soon

Now back to usual programming!

-Tallulah xxx

[maddy-ferguson]

in general, acting like mike is being SO obvious and clockable in being gay/his feelings for will in canon is a little. bizarre for me cause like. maybe for you for those people here who have spent months after vol.2 re-analyzing all his behavior and also we’re an unseen audience who know he’s fictional and thus know it’s narratively significant his expressions are caught in super close-up 4k? otherwise… girly… it’s really not that clear at all. will’s not just in denial and refusing to believe he can have this good thing (though he also is) like… mike has a girlfriend he has professed he loves before + abandoned will/party for in the past? and not only for will, this idea that mike’s queerness is so obvious to everyone around him. I can maybe see a ‘oh yeah… that’s makes some sense’ afterwards by the party, but no one now in the party actively disbelieves that mike is into el? lucas pushes mike towards el in s1 precisely cause it’s never ever occured to him mike wouldn’t like girls. he helps mike in s3 ‘win El back’ cause he fully thinks that’s what mike wants. more broadly on mike’s sexuality, the fact the bullies in hawkins came after will with plaintext homophobia and would’ve done the exact same to mike tells us the degree that mike is not perceived as ‘outwardly gay’ within this society. At most, you can talk about mother’s intuition with Karen encouraging mike to talk to her in season 1? But even then it feels almost like it’s meant as a subtextual double meaning /for an audience/ who recognizes its similarity to a sexuality talk vs. actually being one in-text. I mean, we’re the ones who know El’s upstairs literally tucked away by Mike in his closet. and idk on a personal af level I feel like acting like mike’s soooo clockable diminishes the power and significance of his story for those queer people who struggle for so long because of feeling so invisible, so easy and inviting to delude yourself that it /would/ be ‘easier’ on your future to blend in and continue playing at this role, even taking so long to come to terms with your feelings or sexuality yourself /because/ it was never recognized early in your life and hadn’t had it called for you before you knew it’s true. Having to live with your identity only as this private thing inside your head. the specific hurt that comes with knowing you /do/ belong to a community, but since you’ve been scared to step free of the closet doors, you’re cut off and isolated and so alone, a core part of you has never been acknowledged for who you are. afraid precisely cause you know it WOULD be a shock to others. The bravery to choose anyway to defend against disbelief, that you know YOU more than that person they’ve all believed they’ve known your whole life. and SO fucking brave when mike does, when being recognized and valued exactly as you are becomes worth more than false approvals, brave enough to turn your back on the open gate of validation, refuse your allotted slot to conformity. if only you stay invisible. but you don’t. it’s… real af

ohh wow. i agree with everything you said. like you said, it's really not just taking something that is undeniably will's and giving it to mike, it's also taking something from mike, because his is also a very real experience that comes with its own set of challenges, their experiences are so so different, deliberately so.

and i know why people do it, reversing the roles is fun sometimes, but it's not fun to me when it goes against canon by taking away experiences that are so important to who the characters are.

you don't have to get why everyone on the show clocks will as gay, you don't need to see it yourself, you just have to accept that they do! there's really no use in fighting it, especially not when it's something that's so important to his character. and same with mike, even though acting like the guy who's been romantically involved with a girl for most of the show is soooo obviously queer is just...nonsensical. it's not obvious that he's queer and in love with will, that's the whole point! it's so frustrating to see people act like it's not, even when it's just for a joke. will really isn't oblivious, the guy he's in love with literally has a girlfriend? and is frankly acting like he's obsessed with her? the vast majority of people watching the show don't think mike is queer and will is supposed to be living this 40-37 years ago. will being visibly queer (both to the audience and to the characters) and mike being the opposite serves a purpose and will isn't blind, there's really just no way he'd know after the events of seasons 3 and 4.

#yes people were denying the fact that will was gay but that's on them #mind you this is the fandom that was calling noah the straightest man alive up to 25 minutes before he came out so like. you guys aren't #very perceptive either😕 #and yes it's very different he's a celebrity but ykwim and you shouldn't stereotype but you also shouldn't...stereotype the other way lol #you're so well-spoken or well. this is so well-written i'm so flattered you sent this to me🫂 #ask

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 17 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad + chaps updated till 27

What the–, Matt thought as he was currently looking at his Instagram feed. He had decided to browse through Instagram incognito with his second account, but nothing had prepared him for what he was looking at.

Am I being crazy or– there's no way. Matt was kind of starting to panic as he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He dared glance at Nick and Chris who hadn't noticed his confused state yet. Should he ask them for help? Should he mention his issue? Eh, what can I do alone… I need some objectivity.

“Hey guys…” Matt called for his brothers who were sitting on one of the beds.

“Yeah?” Chris replied without looking up.

“Can I talk about something?”

Feeling that it was somewhat important, Nick nudged Chris to put down his phone so that they could give their full attention to Matt.

“What’s going on? Are you ok?” Nick asked as he was worried with the tone Matt used.

“Hmm, nothing major but I needed to tell you about someone.”

“Okay…” Nick and Chris said in sync.

“So– I’ve been talking to this girl for like six or seven months I guess like since spring I’d say and…”

Now knowing where the conversation could go, neither Chris nor Nick was going to interrupt Matt as it was now or never.

“She might know us?” Matt internally cringed as he wasn’t even sure of what he was saying.

“What do you mean?” Nick demanded as he wanted clarification. “Have you said anything about yourself?”

“No but why are we only learning about this girl now?” Chris eventually interrupted as he felt confused.

“Well no, like– she knows my name is Matt but that’s all! It’s just– wait lemme explain, I’ll try to make sense.” Matt was starting to panic at the idea that his brothers didn’t approve of what he was going to tell them. “Ok so this girl, she’s called Lily. She randomly started texting me and at first I was weary obviously but then I realised we had quite some common ground like regarding cartoons and games such as Pokemon or Fortnite. I mean, we even played together once. But unrelated I guess, I don’t know…”

“Take your time bro, we ain’t going nowhere.” Chris reassured as he felt Matt stressing.

“Yeah, hmm… and it’s just– I started following her on Instagram with my other account you know and she’s really into photography so she posts landscapes and stuff, but her most recent posts looked too familiar and I just need you to confirm if I’m getting crazy or nah.”

As Matt had kind of finished rambling, he gave his phone open on Lily’s latest post. Nick took it and scrolled through the other posts below. Indeed, Nick and Chris felt a sense of familiarity as the photos were very much looking like the last three cities they’ve travelled to.

“Maybe she’s travelling through Florida, doesn’t mean it’s for us.” Chris tried to reason.

“Look at her tagged posts…” Matt quietly said.

Nick didn’t even have time to leave the post they were on that he let out a gasp.

“Wait– I know her.”

“WHAT?” Chris and Matt both exclaimed.

“Like I don’t know her but I know her account”, Nick started explaining as he tapped on a post of the sunset he had looked at before. “I was literally on it two days ago. She’s friends with someone who went on stage with us.”

“Oh... Oh…” They all realised together that Nick was basically confirming what Matt had been assuming.

To be absolutely certain, Nick did go see her tagged posts and indeed saw Alex’s posts from Orlando. This was now sure, Matt had met Lily and he’d had no idea although they had seen each other probably a couple of times.

“No yeah and I recognise her from our last three shows, I think?” Chris wondered out loud. “So yep bro, she does know us and we actually met her. Got a café and shit if I remember well.”

Matt didn’t know how to react. Not only Lily was a fan of him and his brothers, but he had met her in real life. How was he even supposed to react? Text her to confront her? Matt was completely lost at the moment, but only one thought was in his head and he spoke before thinking it through:

“Would it be crazy to say I wanna see her again?”

What, Matt realised what he had just said. What am I thinking? Fuck.

“Erm… what do you mean?” Nick softly asked as he could sense Matt’s stress increasing.

“Sorry, stupid idea. I don’t even know what I’m saying…” Matt replied as he was now embarrassed. “Just like– I literally met a great online friend but none of us was aware and, I don’t know… it’s weird because she might be sceptical at knowing that I am Matt, the Matt she’s been texting is the same as the Matt she’s a fan of.”

“Well, it makes sense to think like that.” Chris agreed with his brother. “But you can’t know until you guys actually talk about your real identities. Damn, it’s giving a spy movie.”

“Chris, stop.” Nick lightly punched his arm to prevent him from joking about it but when he saw that Matt actually laughed at it, he stopped tormenting Chris.

After a small silence, Matt finally gathered the courage to ask what the three of them had now been pondering about.

“Would it be weird to invite her to our last show?”

“Wow, you wanna meet her with the fam there?” Chris chuckled as he then continued with a more serious tone. “No problem with me to be honest, but how do you even want to bring this up with her?”

“Chris is right,” Nick agreed. “Are you gonna text her and reveal yourself out of nowhere?

“No, of course not.” Matt had rejected that idea from the beginning. “I kinda know how to do it I guess, but I just want your approval before doing anything.”

“Fine by me if you know how to get her there”, Chris shrugged.

“Nick?” Matt faced his brother, hoping to get a positive reaction.

“I guess it doesn’t hurt to properly meet her. And if it doesn’t work out, we’ll take care of it so don’t worry.” Nick was actually giving his brother the green light to start his plan. “If I’m not mistaken about who she is, I remember her being really nice so it should be fine.”

“Yeah, she is really kind. I always thought you'd like her, so I hope you will.”

To finish reassuring Matt that everything was alright, Nick and Chris both pulled him into a group hug before letting him go text the now infamous girl.

Lily

Hey, it’s been a while

How are you?

MATT

Heyy

Yeah sorry i’ve been mia

I’m great tho, i’ve been travelling a bit w alex so it’s really fun

You?

It’s ok don’t worry, I was busy as well with my brothers

But I’m good too :)

And yeah i saw your pics, they look really nice

Thanks!

Where were you if I can ask?

Ofc ye

We went to atlanta then florida where we still are

Oh sweet

Celebrating anything special or just a well deserved break?

Hmm both I’d say

We just went to see some artists ig

But it was cool to move around for a bit

Ok matt you can do it

Unsent

Sounds cool indeed

Which singers are on tour rn?

Oh it wasn’t a concert

It was some youtubers

Like doing a tour to meet fans, play games and shit

Shit indeed

Unsent

This is the moment

Unsent

Wait it kinda rings a bell

Is it like those triplets?

Omg yes

The sturniolo triplets

How’d you know?? You watched them too?

Well i think my cousin was supposed to see them for their last show

Talked to me about it for weeks

That’s awesome!!

Wait, was? :(

She can’t go anymore yeah

That's a bummer

I hope she'll get another occasion if they ever do another tour somewhere later

She probably will

🤞🤞

Hey hmm

Might be weird to ask idk but would you wanna go?

I promise i don't wanna sound creepy

Oh-

Damn, wasn’t expecting that

Does she only have one ticket?

She has two

Ig you went w alex, right? So that’s why i’m offering

Would be free btw

She’s not even expecting resale anymore because the show is very soon i think

Yeah in like 2 days lmao

I’m tempted bro fr

I swear i’m not trying to scam you

You’re still in florida right? So not that far away depending your current city

And i can even send you my cousin’s number if you want to talk with her

The fuck are you doing, Matt thought as he felt like he sounded desperate and didn’t know how to proceed. How would he even get someone who doesn’t exist to text Lily? As he sighed, Matt brought Nick’s attention to him.

“What’s wrong? Is she reacting negatively to whatever you’re offering?”

“I guess she’s just being careful but…” Matt thought about how he could solve his situation. “What would you do for your brother in need?”

“Helping my favourite brother? Depends but almost anything if the reward is nice enough,” Nick replied with a small laugh.

“Hey!” Chris reacted to Nick’s mention of Matt being his favourite brother.

“You know I’m kidding, my favourite is Justin obviously.”

“So yeah Nick…” Matt tried to word his request. “How would you feel about texting Lily to pretend to be my cousin who has tickets for our last show?”

Both Nick and Chris silently looked at Matt to process what was his plan. As Nick asked for clarification, Matt explained the idea he had and what he needed from Nick.

“Honestly, it’s not that bad like–” Chris was supporting Matt for what he wanted to do. “If I were in her shoes I would be the same obviously, but it seems legit.”

“Well, it is.” Matt confirmed. “We can actually give out a couple of tickets to people even if the show is sold out, just gotta ask Laura to edit them.”

“True,” Nick agreed. “Count me in, I’m actually curious to get to know your little friend outside of the ‘Meet & Greet’ atmosphere.”

With a sigh of relief, Matt was prepared to send Lily’s number to Nick and vice versa when he saw that she had replied.

Lily

I’ll trust you dw

When would you be able to send them?

“Ok slight change of plans”, Matt quickly said as he looked up from his phone. “Nick, thanks but I won’t need you for the cousin persona. A for the effort though. And questions: first, how quick can Laura make me two tickets for backstage? Second, how mad would she be that it’s fucking last minute for a random girl?”

“If we explain the whole thing to her she might not be that mad?” Chris tried to rationalise as nothing looked wrong in his opinion. “Nick can ask her for the tickets and I explain to the parents that we’ll have two guests after the show with us.”

Nick nodded in agreement with his youngest brother then took his phone to text their manager Laura and see if she would come meet them to talk. Matt felt so supported at the moment that he couldn’t help the soft look in his eyes. He was capable of looking at his brothers with such pure love, especially when they were doing the most basic things for him.

“Thank you both, I would never do anything without you by my side.”

Comforting Matt for the second time tonight, Chris and Nick side hugged him to show their appreciation as Nick announced that Laura was coming over to their room.

Half an hour later, Laura had agreed to the triplets’ request and told them that she could get the tickets for the next day first thing in the morning, which Matt passed on to Lily. She thanked him for at least five minutes as she couldn’t believe her luck. It’s not everyday that the friend you’ve been texting for seven months coincidentally has a cousin who can miraculously give you tickets to your favourite YouTubers’ tour – it's also not everyday that said friend is actually one of those YouTubers.

Now that Laura was aware of the situation and that his parents didn’t mind the additional guests – they were actually excited about meeting a new friend of their son’s, Matt felt more relaxed and confident about how next Sunday would happen: he would meet fans, take pictures with them, do the show as usual, take other pictures, do the ‘normal’ backstage then finally meet Lily. He could do it. He had met her already. This was simply a more proper meeting, right? I can do it, I did a lot already to make it happen so I can’t chicken out now.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

#chris #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo #nick #sturniolo triplets #nick stuniolo #the sturniolos #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #nick stuniolo fanfic #sturniolo fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Roy/Jamie prompt: Just Roy or Jamie stuck in a time loop where they witness the other die before them in all sorts of ways, and then everything resets. The only way to break free is to figure out that yes, the one who was his enemy before is now the one true love of his life and say so. Then comes the trauma recovery.

Heheh I love a good time loop.

tw obviously Roy dies but he never stays dead he’s totally okay

Jamie wakes up again. Jesus. How many times has it been at this point. 30? 70? They’ve all started blurring together.

He decides fuck it and goes to Roy’s house again that night. He knows it won’t change anything. Roy has died every day for the past 90? The first time it happened Jamie got hit by a bus right after Roy slipped off the bridge. Jamie only had enough time to think that he regretted not telling Roy he loved him.

By the 20th time, Jamie mixed it up and didn’t show up at Roy’s house. Thought maybe he was the problem. He was wrong. He got the text that night that Roy died. When he went to bed he just prayed it didn’t stick.

He lets himself into the house. “Roy?” Roy comes down the stairs. There’s one thing Jamie hasn’t tried yet, and if it doesn’t work Jamie might just give up. “Sit on the couch and hear me out yeah?”

Roy looks at him like he’s lost his mind, but does it anyways. Jamie sits next to him. Closer then he normally would but fuck it he’ll be dead in a few hours anyways.

“I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and you keep dying and I keep waking up and having to relive the same goddamn day where you’re taken from me.”

Roy blinks at him. “Did you hit your head.”

Jamie lightly punches him, “no prick. You gonna answer me?”

Roy carefully puts his hand on Jamie’s head. Jamie realizes he’s checking for a fever.

God Jamie wishes this was all a fever dream.

“Let’s pretend this isn’t insane. Just answer me Roy.”

Roy takes Jamie’s hand. “Yeah I’m in love with you too. Didn’t want to say anything about it because of how much we hated each other at the beginning.”

Jamie grins. God when this day ends he’s going to hold onto it forever. God might even do it again the next day just to see if Roy reacts the same.

“Can I kiss you?” Roy nods, they kiss. It’s calmer then you’d expect for them. “Come back to bed with me Jamie, let’s sleep we can talk in the morning.”

Jamie laughs, why not. It can’t hurt. Roy will probably slip on the steps and break his neck again.

But he doesn’t. They make it all the way to bed and even in it and nothing bad happens. Roy must die in his sleep this time around.

Roy holds onto Jamie like a teddy bear, it’s the fastest Jamie has fallen asleep since this all started.

-

When Jamie wakes up he’s being held. His first thought is that it’s not a new day and Roy is dead behind him.

He’s proven wrong when Roy pulls him closer. “Morning. We slept past our run time it’s 7am.”

Jamie sits up straight. “7am? You made it to 7am?”

Roy touches Jamie’s back. “Baby you’re scaring me a bit.”

Jamie let’s put a sob. He throws himself onto Roy. God they made it. It’s over. “You kept dying. I couldn’t stop it. It was horrible. I love you so much don’t leave me.”

Roy keeps petting his head. “I don’t know what that means but it’s okay now. I’ve got you. I love you too.”

Jamie knows this is going to fuck him up for a while, but apparently he’s got Roy. Apparently that’s all he needed.

He holds onto Roy and just listens to him breathe for the rest of the morning.

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #jamie x roy #royjamie #jamie tartt x roy kent #roy kent x jamie tartt #thanks for the ask !! #ground hog day au #losing my mind I love this au

[kirk-says-wah]

𝐃𝐢𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐄𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 - 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟗

Pairings: Kirk/Lars, James/Dave

Tw: torture, murder, blood, gore, violence, kidnapping, drugging, cannibalism

You can also read it here

“I’m tired,” Kirk says, yawning, leaning up against the table. He’s got a knife flicking around between his fingers as usual.

Lars looks up from where he’d been typing on the computer.

“Yeah me too,” he says, stretching a little.

“Why don’t we both get some sleep?” Kirk asks, unsure whether he’s asking the right question or not. He just missed sleeping next to Lars, it’s been days.

Lars looks between him and Dave.

Dave is passed out, head hanging limply, jaw touching his chest. He obviously won’t wake for a while.

“I guess,” Lars says, moving to pause the stream. “Do you think he’ll wake up?”

“If he does it’s not like he can go anywhere,” Kirk says, which yeah is true because not only are his hands nailed down, but his knees are practically in pieces.

Lars just hums before yawing, beckoning Kirk up the stairs.

They make their way up in silence, and shut off the lights as they make their way up stairs.

Neither of them can be bothered to shower away the blood caked on them, and instead just shed their clothes so they’re in nothing but their boxers before climbing into bed.

Lars pulls Kirk against him, and Kirk sighs, resting his cheek on his sternum.

“I missed you,” he says.

Lars gives a confused noise, squeezing him softly.

“I’ve been right here the whole time.”

But they’ve not been like this in days. Kirk’s not felt loved in days. He misses Lars when he’s like this, when he’s soft and warm and will kiss him because he wants to, not because he wants to get anything out of it.

Kirk doesn’t reply, just folds an arm around Lars’s waist, slotting their legs together.

Lars presses a kiss to his hair before turning out the lamp, the both of them settling down, finally drifting off into a much needed sleep.

— —

“What are you saying?”

James isn’t entirely sure what he’s saying. He just knows his gut is telling him Kirk and Lars are involved. He needs to find out how, he has to, for Dave’s sake.

He wonders what could be possibly going on. Maybe they’re working for someone? Maybe they’re giving people new identities so that they can go missing?

Theres so many possibilities, he’s just anxious to find out which of them is true.

“I’m saying I think they’re involved.”

“So they look like the two men the bartender saw, that doesn’t mean anything,” Cliff says, trying to keep level headed about this.

James sighs, rubs at his temple, phone held close to his ear.

“They’re hiding something. I know them too well.”

Cliff goes silent, and James doesn’t know what else to say. He just knows something’s wrong.

“I don’t get off work for another few hours. We can check it out then.”

James considers that, but he knows he can’t wait that long.

When he doesn’t answer, Cliff pipes up.

“You’re not gonna do anything stupid are you?”

James just sighs because Cliff’s not gonna like him going in there alone. But it’s not like his friends will hurt him. They won’t.

“I’ll text you the address. Just get here as soon as you can.”

“James, I think you might be underestimating this situation.”

“They’re my friends, Cliff,” James pleads, tries to rationalise what he’s about to do next.

Cliff just sighs, sounding tinny down the phone.

“Look, I’ll get there as soon as I clock off. Try to wait for me, yeah?”

James exhales, eyes trailing over to the house.

The lights are still on. There’s still movement.

“Fine.”

He hangs up, presses his phone to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut.

He really shouldn’t be doing this, but the need to find answers is just too high, has him feeling anxious and uneasy.

He’s not left his car since earlier, just parked it up the street a bit. He can just about see Lars and Kirk’s house, but he knows unless they’re looking they won’t see him.

It’s about an hour later when the house finally goes dark. It’s about 11 o’clock, and James waits a while before gingerly opening the door, does his best not to slam it shut.

He locks the car quickly before shuffling over to the house, hunkering down under the front window, the peeling paint brushing against his shirt.

He takes a deep breath before peeking in.

It’s completely dark, no sign of life, and even when he squints he can tell they must have gone to bed.

Now’s his chance.

If he knows Kirk and Lars well enough, he knows they always keep a spare key out here in case they get locked out.

He feels around, checks under the plant pots and the doormat before finally finding one by the bins, seeing it twinkle under the moonlight.

He thanks god and quietly unlocks the door, every movement deliberate and silent.

The house is quiet. James manages to shut the door without fuss, but he stays still for a moment, just listening out.

When there’s no sign of movement, he pulls his phone out, puts the torch on.

The house looks just the same as it did the last time he came; empty mugs on the coffee table, magazines strewn about.

He shuffles through a pile of papers by the tv but finds nothing of use, so continues into the kitchen, footsteps light and slow. Nothing looks unordinary.

His heart pounds in his chest, though he’s not sure if it’s from adrenaline or fear. No, he’s not scared. These are his friends.

The coffee machine sits lifeless on the countertop, the leftovers of their dinner still sat on the stove.

He opens a few drawers just to find some cutlery and a few letters, but nothing really tells him anything he wants to know. He’s hoping to see Dave’s face somewhere, a name, a photograph; anything.

He doesn’t know why, but he opens the fridge, just to have a look. His eyes take a moment to process what he’s seeing until he zeroes in on the jar stacked in the middle and he gasps, jaw hanging open.

He wants to throw up.

There’s jars of what looks like blood and some other bodily fluids, and he quickly shuts the door will a dull thud, bile rising, stinging the back of his throat.

What the fuck. What the actual fuck.

He needs to get out of here. Something’s definitely wrong.

He heads back into the dining room, finds a pile of washing on one of the chairs, and a bundled cloth on the table.

The air has a musky smell, almost like he can taste the dirt, and he lifts up the cloth to see fingers.

Human fingers.

He recoils, pushing himself away with a hiccup, too dumbstruck to realise what’s going on here.

He needs to leave.

He quickly makes his way back towards the front door, ears pricked for any sign of movement, when all of a sudden there’s a sound from behind one of the doors.

The basement.

It’s sounded like a whimper, like a cry of pain, and James’s gut twists.

He shouldn’t go down there. Who knows what other fucked up things they have. He pauses though, phone still in his grip, wavering back and forth on his feet.

He might not get another chance like this again. He needs to do this. For Dave.

He slowly turns the knob, opening the door before shutting it behind him. There’s a dim light coming from down the stairs, around the corner.

Heavy breathing. That’s all James can hear. He almost doesn’t go down, nearly throws the plan out of the window and books it.

But then there’s another whimper, distinctly clear now, and he knows who it is. He knows that voice.

His heart is in his lungs as he slows descends the steps before finally rounding the corner, seeing familiar red hair, now crusted with blood.

He can’t believe it. He can’t fucking believe it.

There in the centre of the room sits Dave, tied to a chair, back to him. There’s blood all over the floor and James throws up in his mouth, the stench alone making him want to keel over. Theres a table off to the side covered in tools, knives and drills and nails and James physically gags.

He pockets his phone, practically sprinting over to Dave. Dave’s got his eyes closed, panting harshly, head lolling back.

“Oh shit,” James cries, shakily cups Dave’s jaw.

Dave moans around the gag in his mouth, tries to get away but James soothes him, thumbing over his swollen and abused jaw.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispers, finally taking in what they’ve done to him. Dave’s missing a good chunk of hair and one of his ears, there’s wounds all over his body, some fresh, some old, blood painting most of his pale skin. He’s breathing unevenly, all throaty and guttural, and it hisses through his chest like he’s finding it hard to breathe.

Dave finally opens his eyes, clarity taking a moment to finally register in the depths of his brown eyes as he takes in the sight of James in front of him.

James gently reaches up, removes the gag from Dave’s mouth, unhooking it from behind his teeth.

“You’re gonna be okay,” James babbles, stroking over his head softly. “I’m gonna get you outta here.”

“Please,” Dave murmurs, bloody saliva stringing from his lips, his expression pained, eyes squinted.

“I know,” James shushes, untying one of Dave’s arms. It’s not like they’ll be able to make a quick escape though when his hands are nailed into the chair, but he does it anyway. Maybe it’s just to feel like he’s doing something helpful.

“Please,” Dave repeats, words garbled. “Please just kill me.”

James stills, eyes wide, shock permeating him as he soaks in Dave’s words. Dave wants him to kill him. Dave wants to die.

“No, no, no,” James moans, horror striking him as he shakes his head, reaching up to cradle the back of Dave’s head.

“It’s gonna be fine, you hear?” he says, eyes wet now, his throat clogging up.

Dave doesn’t answer, closes his eyes with a groan.

James quickly sniffs away the tears and presses a tentative kiss on Dave’s forehead before letting his fingers slip away from his head, dutifully untying his other hand from the rope binding it. It’s bitten into the skin, his wrists red raw and irritated, blood caked into the creases.

“I’m gonna go get help, okay?” James iterates, finally undoing the knot before smoothing his hands over Dave’s arms, careful of the wounds littering them. It doesn’t look like Dave will be able to walk, and James can’t carry him out alone.

“I’ve got a friend who’s coming. We’re gonna take care of you,” he says, hands trembling as he undoes the ties around Dave’s ankles. They’re not as tight as the ones around his wrists. He wonders how Dave hasn’t been able to kick them away already.

“You’re gonna be fine,” he repeats, though he’s not sure who he’s reassuring anymore.

Dave’s looking at him now, eyes round and full of desolation, tears slowly tracking down his cheeks.

James just shakes his head, not bothering to brush away the tears that are starting to wet his waterline, doesn’t want to listen to what Dave’s trying to tell him. He won’t give up. Not now.

“I love you,” he says, voice thick. “I’m gonna fix this.”

Dave just stares at him, barely able to keep his head up, and James gives a wet smile, though it doesn’t reach his eye.

He presses a kiss to Dave’s lips, though he’s soft, gentle. Dave kisses him back, but only a fraction, what with the little strength he has left. When he pulls away he lets their foreheads touch for the briefest of seconds, just holding Dave against him.

James finally pulls away and gives him one last smile before he turns, legging it towards the stairs.

He’ll have to call Cliff, tell him to come right the fuck now. Or maybe he should call the cops.

He runs up the stairs, twisting the knob, only as soon as he opens it, he’s whipped around the head, the wood of a bat bashing into his temple, and he’s sent sprawling backwards, falling down the stairs, hitting his ankle on the way down until he’s left in a heap on the floor.

He blearily looks up, sees a dark silhouette at the top of the stairs before the fog clouds over him and he passes out.

#metallica #metallica fanfiction #die dead enough #james hetfield x dave mustaine #james hetfield/dave mustaine #james/dave #james hetfield #dave mustaine #megadeth #kirk hammett x lars ulrich #kirk hammett/lars ulrich #kirk/lars #kirk hammett #lars ulrich

[moonchildstyles]

maybe h has a day off work but pretty girl has an exam she can’t miss and she stayed home to study the night before so she just drove herself to school and promised h she’d go to his place right after bc maybe he’s seen that she’s been a little extra stressed about this test and she’s been overworking herself a little, and she texts him updates all afternoon, her little selfies when she’s leaving and getting her coffee and about to go inside and he’s just texting her back the sweetest things like always, reassuring her and saying how much he loves her, and it’s silent for a few hours which allows him to go to the grocery store and buy everything he needs to make her favourite dinner and he starts as soon as he gets home because it’s nearing dinner time and his phone goes off when he’s ready to put it in the oven and she’s saying she’s done and on her way, her brain is fried and she just wants to see him, and it takes her a little while to get there so he leaves the food to sit warm in the oven until she gets there and she lets herself in and is calling his name, barely looking up as she hangs up her stuff but she hears the familiar creak of his floor and sees his socks padding over to her, two glasses of wine in his hand and she’s just melting as he hands one to her and greets her with a hug and asking how it went and she’s not super confident about it but she’s glad it’s over and “what smells so good?” and he’s just smiling and guiding her over to the couch, letting her lay down and pulling her feet onto his lap to massage the stress out of her and she’s just shutting her eyes and listening to him talk about his day even though he didn’t do much and maybe she’s wearing a little comfy dress so his hands just her higher and higher until she’s peeling her eyes open and she LOVES seeing him all dressed up for work and the events he goes to, but there’s something about seeing him in sweats and a tshirt and she’s just setting her wine glass down and giving him grabby hands asking for kisses, please and he’s obviously climbing over her and kissing her to her hearts content, and it’s been a few days since they’ve done much together because she’s been so busy so things get heated pretty fast and before she can blink his shirt his off and his sweats are pushed down to his knees and her dress is pooling at her chest as he plays with her a little before holding her panties to the side and taking her like that because neither of them can wait and he can feel her instantly rocking up to meet his thrusts with tiny gasps and whines and he knows she needs more so he’s just mumbling “you can use me, pretty. know how stressed you’ve been, what do you need?” and he’s running his thumb over her clit as he talks into the dip of her neck, rendering her practically speechless as she tries to catch her breath but she’s barely muttering that she just wants more of him before he’s giving it to her, letting her kiss him as much as she wants and she’s peeling her dress over her head when she gets too hot, which h immediately takes advantage of, kissing over her chest and enjoying the way her body moves with each rock of his hips and he’s not letting himself go until she does at least twice because he doesn’t want her thinking about anything else in the moment and she deserves to feel good after how hard she’s worked, and he’s definitely telling her this as he fucks her, but he doesn’t stop until he’s whimpering into her neck and cumming while she runs her hands through the damp curls at the base of his neck and she feels him slump into her when he’s finished, both of them just catching their breath and they kiss a little more before h mentions that dinners ready and that he’ll clean her up before he grabs it out of the oven, not letting her get up from the sofa and after she’s clean and curling herself into a blanket while she waits for h and puts on a film they’ve been meaning to watch, and he comes back with two plates and curling up with her under the blanket and they get to eat his yummy meal and cuddle the rest of the evening 😌 - 🍓

I AM SO DISTRAUGHT RN I CAN'T EVEN REALLY THINK RN LIKE THIS IS SO.......HIM GOING GROCERY SHOPPING IDK WHY BUT IT GETS ME SO HARD IN A WAY THAT I CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY TALK ABOUT AND HIM SALL COMFY AND COOKIGN FOR HER LOVING HER LITTLE MESSAGES AND SELFIES SHE SENDS THROUGH THE DAY JUST GETTING MORE AND MORE EXCITED NTIL SHES TELLING HIM SHES ON HER WAY:(((( AND JUST.......GOING FOR IT RIGHT ON THE COUFCH IS JUST SO LIKE HIS SHIRT ON THE GROUND HIS SWEATS DOWN HIS THIGHS NAD HER DRESS PUSHED UP AND EVEN AFTER THEY’RE FINISHED HIM NOT PUTTING HIS SHIRT BACK ON IS SO.............AND GETTING HER DINNER AND SOME WATER TO HAVE AFTER HER WINE SO SHE CAN GO TO SLEEP PROPERLY AND JUST...IM SO SIC K RN THIS IS SO

#anon #ask #🍓 anon #prosecco inspo #concept

[mouthfulloftoothpasterry]

what about ex Harry if you’re still experimenting with tropes? him & yn were married and they slips up? maybe they have a little girl or little boy & they keep hooking up even though they split up & live apart but then some how they decided they don’t want to divorce after all

IMMMMM CUMMINNGGG

No help HDNDD

Um…. Let’s fucking talk about this because I LOVEEEEE THISSSS

Okay so maybe he has some like big important job, maybe he own a company or something or he has a job that he has to travel around a lot for

and he’s been traveling around a lot and their little one was always upset because they miss their daddy (maybe they are like 1 or two?), and y/n obviously missed him too and he was missing out on so much but also he’s never had to travel around like this so she was getting suspicious of him cheating (idk this is just me talking out of my ass)

So once he gets home from like a month away he’s so excited and running into the house to see his lil squish again and kissing all over their face and telling them how much he missed them and how he can never go away again

And he’s so happy to be back and sitting and playing with his little bub all night until they have to go to bed and when y/n is like “I’ve got to give them and bath then get them to bed” Harry is like “no no, I’ll do it. I’ve missed out so I can do it.”

And once it’s finally bed time for the bubs and they are all tucked in and Harry read them a bedtime story he walks into his room where he knows his wife is

And all he wants to do in get inside of his wife and then cuddle each other to sleep

So he comes up behind her and he’s kissing her neck and she walks away from him

Obviously annoyed

So Harry is like “what’s wrong, love? Are you tired from taking care of bub for so long? I wish I could’ve been here”

And she continues to ignore him because it’s his first night home and no matter what her baby comes first and she doesn’t want bub to wake up to yelling and once again, he just got home so she wants her baby to be with their daddy as much as they can

So she just ignores him and gives him tiny mumbles and nods

Until he’s like “no seriously, you’ve never acted this way toward me before. What’s wrong?” And he’s starting to get worried bc it seems like she’s hiding something from him

And she keeps saying she doesn’t want to talk about it but he keeps pressuring her into it until she gets mad and she’s like “maybe I’m in a shitty mood because you’ve been gone for a month and I’ve been taking care of our baby every single day for a month. Some days you could even bother to talk to us until you were five minutes away from falling asleep, and you hardly checked in with me, you rarely asked me how I was, and you’ve been so sneaky with everything”

And Harry is genuinely so confused because he hasn’t been sneaky, he had days filled with meetings and calls and this and that allll day almost everyyyy day so he couldn’t text and he couldn’t call in the middle of the day

“What do you mean? I’ve been on a business trip for the past month. I couldn’t talk much”

And they keep bickering back and forth, y/n accusing him of lying and him getting angry because he has no idea how he she could think this when literally all he wanted was to come home to see them and was upset all the time bc he couldn’t deal with being away from the love of his life and his baby for this long, especially when his baby is still so young so every moment he felt like he was missing out on something

And the night has taken such a big turn from what he wanted it to be

He wanted to come home, give them all big hugs and tons of kisses before they had dinner together, play with his baby for a little before they’ve got to go down for bed, then get his wife into bed and cuddle while falling asleep together while a film is still rolling on the television

But it took a turn for them worst

And they are both crying after screaming at each other

And y/n is packing a bag and tells him she’s going to stay with her friend who lives about a mile away

But after harry gets himself to calm down and checks on his baby he convinces y/n to stay home and he says he will stay on the couch

So they do

But any chance they get they are fighting

And at each others throats 24/7 because y/n is obviously hurt from Harry being gone for so long, feeling like he didn’t care about her, and getting suspicious of cheating

But Harry is hurt because she’s accused him off all of this with no proof, she’s angry with him 24/7, and she won’t let him explain to her that he was so busy he could hardly sleep a full nights rest because she just won’t listen

So one day she’s like “why don’t we just split up. We aren’t going to solve this.”

And it’s more screaming and stomping away with so many tears

So Harry leaves for a while

And goes to stay at a hotel or with his mom or sister

Because he couldn’t make y/n go to a hotel and risk something happening to her even thought hr was angry at her and felt so betrayed and so hurt

But at least once a week they are calling each other

Harry slipping in the house once bub is sleeping

Or after he spends time with bub he stays and has a glass of wine

And they both know what they are going to end up doing

After he puts the baby down he has a glass of wine (or he comes over and has a glass of wine)

And then they end up fucking in the kitchen weather is ends up on the dining table, against the fridge, or on the stove

And maybe one night it’s so much different

They were getting along after a week of not seeing each other

And they finally had long enough where they were putting their own feelings aside and thinking of how the other felt and blah blah blah

So she lets him come over and see bub for a couple hours and let’s him take bub out to go do something, maybe they go to the zoo or soemthing and when they come back both harry and bub were so happy and he’s all like “tell mumma what we saw at the zoo. Show her your new penguin stuffie, my love. Didn’t you love going to the penguin house?”

And maybe all that bub can really say right now is just a bunch of baby babble so harry is like “squish had the best time. I’ve got videos and stuff I can show you, this penguin waddled right next to them behind the glass while I was taking a photo of them.”

And he sits and shows y/n all the videos and photos he took and they sit and gush over their baby

So once harry puts the baby down for bed they already know what’s going to happen

But it’s so much different, he’s being so gentle and kissing her and taking his time with her and peeling off all her clothes, pressing kisses over any inch of skin he can and Harry pulls his shirt off so they can be fully skin to skin

And after they are really emotional

And y/n breaks down and starts crying

So ofc harry is worried

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? What can I do?”

And she tries to hide her tears but he wipes over her wet cheeks and kisses her head

“I’m sorry for picking all those fights and accusing you of cheating. I don’t want to split up, me and the baby both need you, I’m so sorry about everything.” And she just keeps ranting on and apologizing and talking about how much she needs him and by the end harry is crying too and he’s apologizing for not trying to make more time and not asking how she was and being gone for so long

I’m literally obsessed with this idea

And when the baby sees Harry is still around in the morning they are so happy :(((

And Harry and y/n are so happy

PLEASE AND OBVIOUSLY THEIR FAMILIES KNOW ABOUT THEM SPLITTING UP FOR A BIT

So once they are together their families are like “yeah, I knew you would get back together. You guys were meant for each other.”

And they are literally inseparable after that because they are so scared of losing each other

So Harry starts taking them on all of his business trips

And I could def see her finding out she’s pregnant like a week after they got back together

Okay that’s all I have right now but lmk if you think they should have a little girl or a lil boy :)

#maybe Hazel if it’s a girl since you guys really liked that name for cowboyrry #harry styles #harry styles x reader #Harry styles concepts

[t3kandson]

Lost Without You

Wordcount; 6,513

Fandom; The Boyz

Pairing; Reader X Son Youngjae, Reader X Kim Younghoon, Reader X Bae Jacob, Reader X Kim Sunwoo & Reader X Kim Hyunseo aka Bibi

Characters; Son Youngjae, Bae Jacob, Moon Kevin, Kim Younghoon, Kim Sunwoo, Ji Changmin, Choi Chanhee, Lee Sangyeon, Lee Hyunjae, Yoon Keeho aka Stephen & Kim Hyungseo aka Bibi

Warning; Angst, Jealousy, Mild violence, Slight Depression, Oral (receiving) Wanking & full sex

Note; last Chapter in Learning Love, earlier Chapters found here.

Taglist; @ilovechanhee

“What do you mean?” You asked prising yourself from Jacob’s grip. “Look it’s cold, you can’t stay here, we’re go to Stephen’s. He’s home but I know he has mountains of paper work, he won’t bother us I’m sure,” Jacob said softly. Though you was impatient, you wasn’t ready to hear the words of Bibi’s betrayal just yet.

You walked through the door as Stephen was leaving. “I got your text,, sorry I didn’t reply, it’s ok I’m going out anyway so the flats yours,” Stephen said kissing Jacob’s cheeks as he blushed. “Hi You must be Y/N, I’ve heard all about you, sorry I can’t introduce myself more formally,” Stephen smiles bowing before he left the flat. You watched as he left wondering what his relationship status with Jacob was as they seemed very intimate. Did he know what you and Jacob had done?

“Y/N that one’s out of bounds, don’t make your life any more complicated as it is,” Kevin said softly teasing. “I wasn’t checking him out, well yeah he’s good looking obviously, does he know?” you said looking between them both. Jacob looked to the fishes refusing to answer your question. You couldn’t tell if it was guilty for revealing your secrets to his friend or because he had cheated on his own partner.

“Right, Bibi, I need answers,” you said cutting into the awkward silence. Kevin and Jacob sat, which you mirrored as you looked at Kevin who seemed in pain. “Bibi took your lingerie I saw her, I thought nothing of it till Jacob said,” Kevin said looking at his fingers. “But why?” You asked feeling confused to why she would go out her way to bring destruction. “I thought her and Younghoon was having an affair, they’ve been very close, but as I come to think of it, it might actually be Sunwoo,” he said closing his eyes in pain.

“Oh Kevin,” you said making your way between them both as you placed a hand on his thigh. “I think she’s got jealous over you replacing her that she’s doing this thing with Younghoon and Sangyeon to punish you, but made also to make sure your pushed from Sunwoo’s life,” he said trying not to cry. “Have you spoke to her?” You asked letting your own pain slide to comfort his as he shakes his head. “What else could it be Y/N, she’s not been the same for a long time, and extra weird since you and Sunwoo,” he said biting his lips.

“Someone once told me to save accusations just Incase, maybe she has a reason to all this,” you smile looking at Jacob using his words. “Maybe,” Kevin said looking to the floor. “Y/N’s right Kev,” Jacob said placing his hand on your shoulder. “Right I’m going to get your answers,” you said standing as Kevin looked at you blinking. “I need mine and hopefully I can drag some out for you too,” you said standing to smile. “Do you need me to come with you?” Jacob asked as you smiled shaking your head. “He needs you more then I do,” you replied before not realising where she could be. “Where is she?” You asked as Kevin looked up to tears wetting at the corners. “Ours,” he whispered as you dragged your coat, turning to look as Jacob consoled him. It wasn’t just Your heart that was getting hurt by Bibi’s behaviour.

Gently knocking at the door despite wanting to kick it down you waited patiently for her to answer. Jacob’s words running through your mind to avoid accusation, despite knowing that restraint was wearing thin.

In her slacks she answered looking surprised to see you standing there as she brushed her hands through her messy hair. “You know he’s gone home right?” She said, expecting that you was there for Youngjae. “I’m actually here to see you,” you said barging through as she stood aside. “What’s up?” She asked nervously as you struggled to contain your raging anger. “Which one is it?” You asked as she looked at you confused. “Which one are you with to be jealous of to fuck my life up?” You asked once more. She turned to the kitchen taking her hair bobble out to reassemble her hair. “Don’t ignore me Bibi, I know you got that lingerie out after I binned it and I want to know why?” You growled. She turned to face you, panic on her face as words seemed to struggle to form.

“Is it Sunwoo, was you jealous because he replaced me with you?” You asked as she bit her lip. “Because you was stupid setting me up to look like I was, now Youngjae’s gone Sunwoo’s going to be all over me,” you scoffed breaking her silence. “Do you really think so highly of yourself?” She laughs. “Ready to step back into those shoes you never really shook off,” she snarls. “So I’m right this is my punishment for Sunwoo?” You cried.

“I’ve not punished you Y/N, you’ve done that all for yourself,” she mocked as your fist balled. “But I love how Sunwoo’s the first person you think of,” she smirks when you sat down. “Don’t be smart with me,” you growl walking towards her as you struggle to keep your emotions in check. “Youngjae was my everything and because of your revenge for Sunwoo, you’ve ruined it,” you cry as her features soften momentarily. “Y/N it’s not revenge,” she said almost sorrowful.

“So it’s Younghoon then? You two seeing each other? Again I’m confused surely me being with Youngjae benefitted you then?” You ask. “How does that benefit me?” She said standing up cockily. “Well explain to me, because all I know is we both know I didn’t sleep with anyone behind Youngjae’s back,” you cry out. “You slept with Jacob,” she snarls with anger confusing you further.

“Yeah after you played your sick sick games,” you growled in her face. “You such a whore that you can’t tell love from lust,” she says shaking you from your shoulders, in anger.

You hear the sound before you acknowledged you’ve striked her watching her fall back to the sofa. “So that’s it you punish me because I was having fun? Your fucking crazy, your no different then me,” you spit out as she chuckles with her hand placed over your slapped hand print. “What you laughing about? This is sick, it’s not just me your hurting it’s Kevin,” you say a little more calmer.

“You don’t get it at all,” she chuckles like a giggling teen that frustrates you further. “You know what, I’m not going to get my answers am I? Because it’s all a game to you, well game over, I’m out,” you say turning before you did more damage then a slap. You headed for the door coming to terms you got no real insight into why she felt the need to ruin you and Youngjae.

“If you knew you’d run even quicker,” Bibi said out a little pained in her voice. Turning to face her she looked as if she was struggling to form words. “Just spit it out Bibi,” you growl walking back towards her till the next sentence froze you to the space. “It’s you Y/N, it’s you I’m in love with,” she says blushing.

Head swarming with confusion, you blink not sure how to take her words. “Y/N it’s you I’m crazy for, you that I wanted away from Younghoon,” she said stepping closer. “None of them deserves you,” she says brushing a finger behind your ear. “Younghoon’s too scared to commit, Sunwoo wanted to use you as a toy. And Youngjae will never ever trust you not collecting you from what he’s watched you do,” she said as your heart hurt at her words. “No one understands you, they throw the whore word around to make you believe you are one, but your not Y/N, I get you,” she says cupping your face. “I can give you what you need,” she says as her hands fall over your cleavage. “I can look after you, love you for your quirks, teach you to be stronger,” she says as her lips pepper up your jawline.

Closing your eyes you see Youngjae, his hurt, his eyes that broke, the pain that this woman pushed onto him. You shoved her away, “You made the only person I truly love leave me,” you cried. “I love you too doesn’t that count for anything?” She cried holding on your arms like a desperate puppy. “Bibi you hurt me just like Sunwoo, just like Younghoon, Youngjae’s the only one that hasn’t hurt me,” you cried that made her close her eyes in pain. “What about Kevin does he also not matter in this?” You add as she looks to the floor. “Looks like your just confused Bibi,” you smiled patting her shoulder. “And if your not we can never be together not now, not when you’ve hurt so many people, one being me,” you said before turning to leave her sob behind you.

You couldn’t help but feel the need to get more answers from Younghoon as you made your way up to the door.

Closing your eyes you knocked, Sunwoo’s eyes widening when he answered to you. “Y/N what you doing here?” He asks trying not to open the door enough to let you in. “Is Younghoon there? I need to talk with him,” you say abruptly. “Do you think that’s wise Y/N, if he won’t change his story for me, he won’t do it for you,” he says sliding out the door to the apartment corridor. “Sunwoo I know who’s stitching us up and I know why, I just need to know what they did to make Younghoon lie,” you say almost pleading that Sunwoo holds your hands with concern. “Y/N who ever made him lie, me and you both know it didn’t take much persuasion. You need to have this conversation with Sangyeon,” he says in the softest tone you’ve ever witnessed.

“You won’t let me see him will you?” You cry feeling Sunwoo avoiding you entering. “Y/N I have to live with him, and I can’t take the bitterness he’s carrying right now, I don’t want you to,” he says stroking his thumb across your lips. His gentle caring side squeezed your heart never witnessing this side of him before. “It’s not like he will be sad for you that you and Youngjae split up,” he smiled warmly. “For the record, I am, I know I’ve been nothing but a brat, but he loved you more then anyone could ever offer. I also know you loved him more then you liked to admit,” he said pained. Your heart fell seeing the defeat in his eyes as he accepted Youngjae as more of your future then him. “Thank you Sunwoo I know how painful that must have been to admit that,” you smile lacing your hands with his. “Kitten, pains my thing you know,” he smirked clenching your hands with his before dropping them. “Go before he realises your here and makes you spill more tears then needed,” he says panicking a little before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

Before you can turn to leave, Younghoon opens the door, his eyes smalling in anger seeing you two talking. “What she doing here? Youngjae’s been gone less then five minutes and you want Sunwoo’s cock already,” he growls. Sunwoo stands between you both, his eyes matching Younghoon’s. “Hyung stop with this crazy talk, stop hurting her, isn’t she going through enough as it is?” Sunwoo pleaded. “She should have thought of that before she made the bottom of the Pitt this way,” he growled. “Are you for real Younghoon, I am at the bottom of the Pitt because your lies threw me there,” you bit out.

Laughing he pushed his hands through his hair letting his bangs flop into his eyes. “Your there because you couldn’t get enough, and because I knew you would hurt Youngjae in the end, I helped to save him,” he spat out. “Hyung please don’t,” Sunwoo said placing his hands on Younghoon’s angry shaking chest. “I fucking hate you,” you cried tears falling down your eyes. “Feelings mutual, you made it out to be all me, yet your the one that ran to Jacob, remember that,” your eyes widened. “What did you not think me and Youngjae didn’t talk, he apologised for taking you from me after he found that out,” he chuckled. “Hyung stop,” Sunwoo said with more anger behind him. “Who do you think you think drove him to the airport,” Younghoon chuckled enjoying your pain as Sunwoo balled one of his fists. “We are all better off without you Y/N,” he snarled. Tears streaming down your face you couldn’t hear any more as you made your way on your heel.

Heart broken as eyes sodden you rang Chanhee. His phone continued unanswered, you realised he was still angry. You knew he was fond of Youngjae and now you forced him to leave. You knew Changmin would come to the same conclusion. Feeling you had no where to go to, you checked in to your local motel.

You walk in to work weary having already missed a week from work, but at-least you look the part. “You look like shit,” Channa smiles, “feel like shit,” you say smiling as you place your work jacket on. “Did Changmin find you?” She smiles as she throws some items in a trolley. You nod lying not wanting to encourage her to contact him. “Good he looked really worried when he came in, he’s been popping in all week,” she said before checking the stock she was about to place on the shelves. “You know what he’s like, panics over nothing,” you smiled as she chuckled. “Yeah how could I forget,” she sniggered as she made her way into the shop floor.

You was avoiding the shop floor taking any task behind in fear of finding Changmin again, when Channa came to disturb your coffee break. “There’s a cute guy asking for you,” she smirks. “That’s good for him, I ain’t got time for any shit today Channa, I’m still not feeling 100%. Tell who ever it is I will call them later,” you said tossing your ear pods in to listen to Channa’s borrowed MP3 player, while resting your eyes.

You feel the table knock causing your weary eyes to open as your shocked to find Jacob sat there. “Jacob,” you squeal as you sit up taking the ear pods from your ears.

“Do you know how worried you’ve had everyone?” He asks, “me included,” he adds with an unfamiliar annoyance. “You couldn’t even phone Chanhee, who’s going out his mind with worry,” he lectured. “He can’t have been worrying that much I rang him, he ignored my calls,” you replied. “Plus my phone died, I couldn’t get a charger,” you muttered looking at the table. “Where you been?” He asked once more, “not in someone’s bed if that’s what your thinking,” you shoot out as his face looks shocked. “Do you think that’s really what I thought?” He asked, as you nodded. “You would be the only one who wouldn’t have thought that,” you replied as his face told you, you was correct. “I went to a motel, I had nowhere to go,” you said hugging the now luke warm coffee.

“Home, Y/N home, or fail that mine, Changmin’s. I know Younghoon’s out but even Stephen or pushing it Sangyeon’s ,” he scoffed.

“I didn’t fancy round two of lectures and accusations at home, Changmin also felt the same, Bibi was at yours and I’m not ready for a Sangyeon confrontation,” you said looking at your cup. “And Stephens? where you knew me and Kevin was waiting for you,” he asked, his tone still not returned back to normal. “Jacob I wanted to be alone, somewhere I could cry in peace,” you said as tears threatened once more.

Jacob moved his seat next to you placing his hand on your shoulder. “Y/N do you think you can’t cry with me? That I would care that your a sobbing mess? Do you really think I’m scared of a crying woman?” He asks much more softer. “Jacob you are all better off without me,” you said as the tears began to escape. “Says who Younghoon?” He questions with annoyance. “Sunwoo told us his harsh words, you know he didn’t mean then right? He’s been out all day & night looking for you,” Jacob said as you looked up to him. “As for me you know, I’ve told you a thousand times I care so much for you,” he said cupping your tear stained face. “I will be who ever you need me to be,” he smiles as a couple tears slide from your eyes. “Friend, companion, lover,” he says the last word with desperation. “You choosing now to throw the L word?” You sniffle. “No not now, when your ready, when your healed, that’s if you want,” he smiles. “Right now I just want to be your rock,” he says brushing your hair out your face.

“I want Youngjae, I want him back so badly,” you cry. “Then I help you fight for him,” he smiles despite hurt behind his eyes. “How,” you whimpered, as he warmly smiles at you. “Let me fix this,” he says as he presses a kiss to your nose before standing. “Where you going?” You ask. “To help you get Youngjae back, but first to ring everyone to tell them your not dead,” he frowns as he says the latter. “So get back to work and go home to Chanhee so he can kick your ass,” he chuckles before he leaves.

Like Jacob said Chanhee was seconds from kicking your ass when you walked through the door. “What the hell Y/N, I could really fight you right now,” he scorns you as you look to the floor. “Do you know what a hell of a couple nights we’ve all had looking for you,” he lectured as you risk a glance at his angry features.

He silence’s as he takes in your dishelved appearance, walking to you to hug you tightly. “I’ve imagined all sorts, you really worried me Y/N,” he said kissing his lips harshly to your forehead. “I’m sorry,” you whimpered as floods of tears began to pool. “Oh Y/N why didn’t you come home,” he said sorrowfully. “Because I thought you hated me because you believed I could have done that to Youngjae,” you sobbed making his T-shirt drenched in your tears. “I could never hate you, you should know that hate isn’t a thing we share, annoyance, irritation, playful hate, even momentarily false hate, but never real hate,” he said holding you tight.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you about Sunwoo, but we still have to discuss Jacob,” he says with a little more lecturing tone. Tears sobbed even harder, if only you hadn’t fallen into bed with Jacob, Youngjae would have seen eventually, you wouldn’t be standing there with a gaping hole. “But for now you need a bath you stink like a homeless person, you sure you slept in a motel not a park bench?” He scoffed. You nodded sniffling as you silently made your way to the bathroom.

“How is she in herself?” You heard the voice ask, “Well what do you think? Hyung I won’t lie I’m really not happy with what you involved yourself with, we tend to take your word as gospel truth, that was what left her scared to come home,” you heard Chanhee lecture. “But I understand why, and I’m sure once you tell her she will understand,” you heard Chanhee add as you realised the voice was Sangyeon’s.

Emerging into the livingroom, wet hair in a bun, Sangyeon’s eyes couldn’t reach you. “I’m so glad your home,” he smiled looking up when he got the courage. “I’m sorry Y/N, truly I really am,” he said walking towards you as you stepped back. “Sorry,” he said looking to the floor. “Look I’m not going to give any excuses here what I did was unforgivable, but I should at least give you an explanation,” he said looking back up to you as you felt your eyes water. “Can we sit?” he asked as you nodded following him to sit opposite on the table, Chanhee making his seat by your side for support. “Bibi blackmailed me, but not just me, Younghoon, not that he needed much persuasion,” he said falling into silence as you sat listening.

“She got her hands on my collection, threatened to put them online,” he said as your eyes widened. “Including ours,” he added as you closed your eyes imagining the fear of finding it on a porn site. “Me and Younghoon both didn’t want that, I know the thought of ending your relationship was also a bonus for him, but for me as well as saving my neck,” he paused closing his eyes momentarily. “I couldn’t risk you having yourself exposed, or the other girls,” he added.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” You asked. “Y/N she’s jealous of you I couldn’t take any risk, this was pure jealous rage over Sunwoo,” he adds pursing. “It wasn’t,” you replied as he furrowed his eyebrows. “This goes no further then us three, but it wasn’t revenge, or them, it was me,” you said brushing your hand down your face.

“Apparently she’s in love with me and has been since the beginning,” you said watching them both look at each other. “You don’t believe me do you?” You said shaking your head to look at the table. “No it’s the opposite,” Sangyeon said, “She use to talk about you in a certain way that was almost very jealous or others around you,” he added. “Plus she use to visit here all the time and get frustrated when you was Absent,” Chanhee said.

“We can’t tell Kevin,” you said feeling sorry for the lovable sweet younger Canadian. “We can’t lie to him Y/N, you and me know honesty’s the way to be,” Chanhee said placing his hand over yours. “I’ll sort it,” Chanhee said as you nodded. “And I’ll sort Youngjae out,” he smiled standing up as the door went.

Chanhee went to answer, Jacob and Younghoon walked in moments later. “Your suitcase is ready,” Younghoon said looking to Sangyeon as Jacob walked around to you. “Were going to get your boyfriend back,” Jacob said pulling you in smiling to sooth your confusion. “And me,” Sunwoo said walking into the apartment. “It should have been you and Youngjae at the start,” Sunwoo smiled warmly. “I promise you I’ll fix this,” Jacob smiles kissing your cheek.

Jacobs words had kept you strong for the whole time they was away. 10 days where you heard nothing and felt you was going out your mind. “You could pretend your having fun,” Kevin smiled as he thrashed you at air hockey in the arcade you previously went to with Youngjae. You plastered a fake smile that made him raise an eyebrow. “Your not the only one dumped you know,” he scoffed as he skittled in a win. “You left her you wasn’t dumped,” you replied. “Jacob,” he hit back as you shook your head. “Ouch put your claws back in or we’re have to neuter you,” you teased. “You couldn’t neuter me if you tried,” he sniggered pouting his lips. “You seriously not going to try and work it out with Bibi,” you said as you managed to bag an extra score.

“Second best to you, erm no thanks,” he said as he hit the puck with force to continue his win. “I don’t think that’s really it Kevin, I really believe she’s confused. Sometimes it takes losing someone you love to make you see the world much different,” you said as you let him officially beat you as the game ended. “So sleeping with Jacob and losing Youngjae made you realise,” he said walking towards you. “Yes, I loved every second with Jacob but yes, he made me realise that, that life wasn’t for me and how much I love and need Youngjae,” you smiled despite the pain. “And if they can’t get him to come back,” Kevin asked placing his hand on your shoulder. “I have every faith that Jacob will bring him home,” you smile refusing to accept the chances of his attempt failing. “You need to start taking delulu pills,” Kevin scoffs as he looks to his phone. While he’s lost into his mobile you walk towards the claw machine. The same one that Youngjae won the iron man Teddy from. Your hands placing on the perspex screen you smiled as you remembered his smiling features.

You saw your reflection bounce off it and you bit your lips at how exhausted you looked despite full of hope. You imagined Youngjae standing next to you, his eyes watching in the reflection. He looked slightly worn and tired but his eyes happy to view you. You smiled as you got lost into your imagination.

You began to wonder if Kevin’s delulu pills was on offer when you heard him call your name. Smiling as you breathed in deeply, your anguishing Agony drove through you at the way your mind played tricks. Seeing Jacob standing next to him, you shook your head. What was your mind up to? Maybe you needed more then delulu pills. “I promised you I would fix it,” Jacob smiled as his hands touched your shoulder.

Instead of a mirage disappearing, your mind came to as you spun feeling the grip to find them both standing there. Younghoon, Sunwoo & Sangyeon in the distance with Kevin told you that this possibly could be real. “Youngjae,” you choked stepping towards him touching his chest to check he was real. “You are real right, I’m not having a mental breakdown am i?” you asked as he lightly chuckled.

“Yes Y/N I’m real,” he said sounding a little worn as he brushed your hand from his chest, showing that he still wasn’t happy with you.

“You came back,” you cried letting your eyes water. “I don’t know, but I’m here for now,” he said refusing to smile. “You still hate me,” you said looking to the floor. “Y/N I could never hate you,” he said with pain in his tone. “I love you more then you can ever imagine,” he croaked, his voice breaking as he spoke. “I’m so sorry,” you whine feeling the tears threaten as he pulled you into his chest.

Chin resting on your head you quietly sobbed into him, feeling safe in his hold once more. “I’m sorry,” you repeated over and over. “Ok I get it,” he said in attempt to stop your words repeating. Your stomach rumbled as he breathed in deeply pushing you away, hands resting on your shoulder. “You hungry?” He asked, “because I think your stomachs voting food,” he smirked as you couldn’t help but smile back nodding. Hands gripping yours he dragged you out and took you back to the diner. The feeling of his hand warmed you as if he was your energy.

“Our usual” he smiled as the waitress nodded. “This is our third visit and she knows our usual?” You question intrigued. “Apparently so I was just testing the waters, didn’t think she would happily remember,” he chuckled as his hands reached for yours. “I’ve missed you so much,” you said making him close his eyes. “Y/N I’m sorry for not believing you,” he said as you blinked surprised. “After Jacob you have no reason to apologise, I fucked up,” you said looking to your hands. “You was right you would have seen eventually I was telling the truth, I shouldn’t have jumped on to Jacob,” you said closing your eyes. “You make it sound like he was awful,” he chuckled despite being in pain. “No, he was well yeah, I don’t regret sleeping with him, I regret sleeping with him when we was still, well yeah in the middle zone,” you said looking up to see his eyes heavily focused on you. “Middle zone?” he asked tilting his head. “Over but not officially over,” you whispered. “Is that even a thing,” he tried to smile.

“Look Y/N I won’t pretend I’m not hurt, nor will I pretend I’m ok or ever promise I will be. But I understand when you’ve had a different view on love and life how greed can change you,” he said nodding to the waitress who brought over your food. “I know how Hard it’s been without you, I also know that you haven’t coped well neither,” he added as he placed your food in your path. “Sometimes you have to realise what you lost till you realise how much you need it,” he said dipping his Fries into his milkshake. “I know we both have scars, my trust, your love issues. This so called teaching, teaching that was based on sexual gratification and not partnership,” he said placing the food near your lips which you took. “But I think if we work at it, and go very slow we can maybe find ourselves back,” he says Tossing his own milkshake covered fry to his mouth.

“I’m confused what do you mean,” you said as you chewed his food while he smirks shaking his head. Dipping a long fry into the milkshake he looks at you smiling. “In Y/N’s confused terms, I want you, I need you, but we have to go slow, build my trust issues, build your self respect and love belief,” he said smiling “do…. You….. understand,” he sniggers gently slapping the milkshake covered fry against your face with a belly deep laugh. Hearing that sound was music to your ear that you didn’t care you looked a mess, that you laughed back at him before grabbing a napkin.

“Oh no you don’t, last time you did that you got it in your eye,” he said snatching the napkin to gently wipe the mess from your face. “You sound like your scared I’ll kiss you again,” you said playfully. “Like I said slow steps,” he added a little more serious. “Even a simple kiss?” You scoffed. “Well obviously we can kiss, you know like this,” he said as he blew you a kiss as you raised an eyebrow. “Really Son Youngjae,” you scoffed shaking your head. “It’s for you just as much as me,” he said taking a bite into his burger. “No you just like to torture me,” you whined as he smirked. “Well that too, but seriously, I want to go really slowly,” he smiles.

“Like let’s go on a real date,” he said putting his burger down to lace his fingers with yours. “Is this not a date,” you said smiling as you looked at your fingers entwined. “This is dinner, I want a date where I collect you and we do something like movies, bowling, skate board lessons even,” he pauses winking followed by a chuckle when he witnesses your scowl. “One where I drop you to the door, without ravishing each other to your bed,” he smiles looking peaceful as he imagined his words. “Ok then,” you smiled. “Good, eat your food then and were date plan,” he said looking pleased as he dropped your hands to dig into his food.

You had been dating for three months, it had been slow as he had suggested. Though there was a no sex rule, he thoroughly enjoyed teasing you till you felt you was going crazy. Regularly kissing and losing yourself to each other in your bed, rolls against you that had you hungry for more body contact. Clothed hardening bulges rolling into your throbbing nub, moans spewing into the air. The second you begged, had him know his task was done as he made his excuses to leave.

Your friendship with the others returned, though Youngjae was very jealous of Jacob, Sunwoo and Younghoon at first. He soon relaxed around them when he knew how your eyes never left him. Jacob had become a good friend to you, resurrecting his close friendship with Youngjae too. Kevin had forgiven Bibi and though it had been a little awkward at first you had regrown your trust and friendship in her, even though Youngjae and Sunwoo didn’t trust her in any way. Sunwoo had introduced his girlfriend to the group and you was stunned when he brought Jvcki to meet you all, Yours and Bibi blush’s being very much to Sunwoo’s amusement. Haknyeon however, had become her little puppy, you couldn’t help but smile as she had become your replacement. Of course there was still heavy flirting, Hyunjae loved nothing but to encourage your blushes, but he often did it infront of Youngjae to wind you both up. Thankfully Youngjae adored his elder and often shrugged it off with a light hearted eye roll, his trust in you being even more stronger then before.

Plus it helped that he knew Hyunjae was crazy for Younghoon, them and Juyeon never really away from each other for Long.

During one of the nights you stayed in Youngjae’s room, you snuggled up to his back, Bibi and Kevin’s noises hitting the room next door. “Well suppose atleast someone’s getting it,” you scoffed kissing into the exposed neck as he sniggered. “You have fingers don’t you,” he teases as your hands wrap around to his chest. “So do you, help a girl out,” you whine into his ear as you feel him shiver. Your hands rub around his chest as he brushes them away. “Can a man not get any sleep without being manhandled,” he teased.

“Manhandled, I’ll give you manhandled,” you scoffed as your hands made there way down his body to his joggers. Rubbing your hand around the fabric you palm at his hardening shaft. Pulling away your fingers, you find the elastic band of his bottoms as your hands slip under. Feeling his pubic hair in your touch, you reached to his throbbing Cock as you slowly pumped him within his clothing. “How’s this for Manhandling,” you tease expecting him to fight you away. You set a rhythm against him, as he fists the sheets while moaning into the air. “You use to mock me looking weak, but Youngjae look at you,” you teased as he growled flipping you onto your back.

“This is one bobbin you don’t want to wind up babe,” he growls nipping at your bottom lip. Pressing himself into you that he hits your hungry starved throbbing nub. “Why, what do I get, a Jack in the box?” you teased making him frown as you unlocked his hidden devil instead. “Babe, Im going to fuck you up, do you want that, huh?” He threatens. “Well if that gets you to fuck me finally then let’s wind this bobbin up,” you say biting your lip as your fingers swirl around his chest above his top. “Remember you asked for it,” he says as his lips attack your neck. Deep suckles against the skin let’s you know he’s reached his teasing quota, finally he’s going to give in to you and your sexual needs.

Removing his clothes as you follow, your in a mad rush to feel your skin slot together. “Y/N I love you,” Youngjae says between kisses over your chest as he drags them to your breast. “Youngjae, I love you more,” you moan as his kisses continue his suckle to print you with purple blemishes. “Impossible,” he growls dragging his lips to your stomach. “Says who,” you moan into the air as his lips find your clit.

Swirls against you, his tongue slips to your core, thumb on your nub rolling to have cry’s leave your lips. You close your eyes to his tongue tease why he gently hums. Bringing your hips to meet the tongue that he’s fucking into you, you feel like your losing yourself to him. The tip sliding against your walls, you feel your thighs shake, how can his tongue feel as it’s breaking you. Feeling so sex starved you know you won’t last long.

Before your core can spring he leaves you feeling empty as he slides back up to you.

Lips falling to yours he kisses you passionately. “Can I make love to you?” He asks softening his features. “What happened to the demon and threats?” you chuckle, looking at how he’s like he’s in heaven touching your body. “That will happen, but I want to make love to my girlfriend,” he whispers so deeply your core tightens. “The girl that one day I will marry and have kids with,” he said smiling before his lips return to your jawline. “Son Youngjae, make love to me,” you whisper, as he lifts his head looking at you as if your the most precious person in the world.

Thrusting he slips himself in you at ease, moaning as he closes his eyes. “I’m home,” he cry’s as he slows his pace while his fingers lace with yours. You close your eyes as you feel his hot member brushing against your sweet spot immediately. “Look at me I want to look at your eyes when we lose each other,” he says all doe eyed.

Despite the slow and torturous pace, the way his cock is angled is springing your core tight around him. You feel his body shake with excitement as he shows his vulnerability to you and in this moment you work with it. Pulling his chest closer so his chest pushes into your breast with each thrust, his lips return to yours. Kisses and tongues slowly unraveling as if you was slowly becoming one. You feel his thighs shake as he struggles to hold back this romantic pace. Fingers dragging down the top of his spine as far as you can reach, you suckle down his moans.

“Y/N don’t leave me,” he cry’s between kisses. “Never, it’s just me and you forever,” you promise between breaks of his lips.

Your orgasm soon climbs its high, walls clenching around him has his thrust heavier as he chases his too. “Almost,” he warns as you let your own go. Cry’s of “love you,” , “your mine,” and “babe,” gets sucked down alongside your, “Jae,” , “baby,” & “forever.” Like the world has wrapped you up for eternity together, you both cum. Mixing your essence deep inside as you continue to kiss through your high while your body shakes through your orgasm.

After it feels like forever, his lips leave you as he winks devilishly. “I think all your lessons are complete now babe,” he grins as you gently swat him. “Now I’m going to fuck you so hard and long, I’m going to have you beg to stop again,” he winks.

That was one threat he managed to keep.

The end

Previous Chapter

Thanks for sticking with me through this series. I hoped you enjoyed this 5th anniversary & Eric’s Birthday series. ❤️

If you enjoyed it, you might enjoy the many other Fanfics I’ve written for The Boyz in the master list below. Not forgetting the Boyz Vampire Younghoon and Eric Series, Immortal Betrayal. It was one of the first series I ever wrote so I apologise it may be poorly written. (Learning as I write, I should have taken English seriously at school 😂)

I’ve also written a Sunwoo Mixed Kpop series with ACE Lee Donghun and DKB Yang Heechan which should hopefully be put up in the spring. (Have a Monsta X series & finishing ACE’s Kim Sehyoon and Kim Youngjo’s series Complicated Love in the new year first). However, also have continued with five more chapters to the once oneshot release that stress with all five members of ACE, which starts Christmas Eve, continuing over the Christmas period, which I hope your read.

As for the Boyz, Juyeon’s Third Part of Player/Player at the wedding will hopefully be up next month for his birthday. At some point the sequel to Beware be also written as well.

Masterlist

#kpopidol #fiction #kpop smut #the boyz smut #son youngjae smut #lee sangyeon #bae jacob #kim younghoon #lee hyunjae #lee juyeon #moon kevin #choi chanhee #ji changmin #ju haknyeon #kim sunwoo #jvcki wai #kim hyungseo #yoon keeho

[aena-blue]

Manifestation - Why Circumstances DO NOT MATTER

Hello everyone! This is another short post to cover a simple topic under the umbrella term manifestation to hopefully shed some light on the topic.

Very important disclaimer at the end of the text!

So today we will be talking about why circumstances do not matter, because they don’t. The short answer is very simple, the circumstances do not matter because YOU created them. 

Yup, you heard me. The circumstances that you are in right now? You created it. You manifested your entire reality up until this point, mostly by default and on autopilot. When you were a child you were heavily influenced by your caretakers, your upbringing and the people closest to you at that time, and the believes and assumptions that formed throughout the years, then started creating your reality on auto-pilot. 

So because you created these very circumstances, you can re-create and change them. It really is that simple when it all comes down to it. To make sure this post does not get too long I will focus on a specific person (SP) scenario to use as an example to illustrate my point. 

So say you met an SP. Your pre-existing assumptions and beliefs has this person showing up in a specific way. Perhaps they’re quite non-committal as you have been saying to yourself for quite some time now, that most (all) men you meet are non-committal, guys don’t want to settle down etc. Your inner talk and the way you speak to others about men and dating (swap genders as needed to suit your own life experience), match this assumption. Maybe some men are committal, obviously some are, but in your experience, they mostly aren’t, at least not the men you meet and date.

So your new SP will most likely show up this way, non-committal. Now this is where things get a little bit more interesting. Not only are they not jumping into a relationship with you, they are now also showing signs and behaviours, the way they act, the way they speak, ‘proves’ to you that they are non-committal.

Any decent man (person) should maintain consistent communication, doesn’t have to be all day everyday, but there should be some level of consistency, right? Most of us hold that belief, as well as the dates should be quite consistent, maybe 1-2 dates a week. If they’re not consistent then “they’re just not that into you”. Except that’s a belief. And belief creates reality. 

Now your SP probably ends up doing these things. Non-consistent. Maybe they cancel a date, maybe they straight up tell you that they’re emotionally unavailable or some crap like that. So you are now seeing ‘signs’ ‘evidence’ and ‘proof’ that your SP just isn’t that into you and non-committal.

But manifestation teaches us this: the assumptions (beliefs) come first, and the evidence of it later. It is not seeing then believing, it is believing then seeing. What this means is that your SP shows up and behaves in the way you believe they will, and for the most part, before we become aware of this, these are our subconscious beliefs that are operating in the background.

So your circumstances do not matter, because you have the power to change them by changing your beliefs and your assumptions about your reality.

So for this example above, how do we change this? How do we get our SP to be committed to us. Well first, decide that you want them to. Second, decide that it is possible and that you can experience commitment with your SP. If you get stuck on this second part, then you need to ask yourself why you do not think this is possible, and work to change that belief. Let’s go through some potential beliefs together and why they are ‘wrong’:

1. People don’t change, if SP does not like me enough now, they never will - Categorically false, there are countless of examples throughout all of human history of people changing their mind, or falling in love with someone they only thought of as a friend for a long time, or catching feelings for someone they’ve been sleeping with. People change, all the time. And again, people show up according to your beliefs. Any assumption, even ‘false’, if persisted in, will harden into fact.

2. Other people can get commitment, but not me, because ‘reason’ - Whatever that reason is, throw it in the bin and replace it with “I am easily committed to, of course I am, any man/woman/person/other would love to be with me” and now persist in this new assumption, it will become your reality.

3. My SP does not love me because they said they don’t or they showed up in a way that ‘proves’ that they don’t - Okay, maybe that was true, don’t try to fight it, but decide right here right now that is not your reality and not what you will experience moving forward. Replace the way they showed up with affirmations, visualisations or scripting that tells your new story. I’m an affirmation junkie so I would go with something like: “I am the girlfriend of SP, they are so in love with me, of course they are” and “I am always treated like a queen by my SP, of course I am, he is so in love with me”. And again, decide that this is now how they will show up and treat you. 

Every time the 3D shows you something ‘different’, just shake your head and say ‘I know my reality, you can’t fool me’ and go back to your affirmations and stay very clear with yourself on what it is you want and what you will accept for your reality from now on. 

4. I am not worthy/deserving of love/commitment - You are, but you don’t have to be. Plenty of assholes in this world are married, so why not you? I’m not saying you’re an asshole, not at all, but clearly it doesn’t matter if you are or not. Plenty of people love a variety of different people for a variety of different reasons. You are and will be loved for exactly who you are. But take the pressure away from having to be any kind of way by saying “If an asshole can get married, so can I”

If you do want to work on yourself with affirmations, I am going to write that post next (self concept), which will be posted on Wednesday. 

The key to all manifestations is: persistence. You gotta commit to your new reality as hard as you want your SP to commit to you and stick with it, no matter what your current reality looks like and is showing you. There are countless of examples of famous musicians and athletes who persisted in their beliefs that they were going to make it big or win, and many of them were in very bad/poor situations but they never gave up on their beliefs, and it happened for them. 

Now when it comes to an SP, luckily, it won’t require years of hard work and training, in fact, it could happen as quickly as within days or weeks. It is important however to try and not get impatient and to not compare yourself to anyone else’s progress and story. Be inspired, and motivated by others success stories, let them remind you that everything is possible, including for you and keep persisting and working on your new beliefs.

DISCLAIMER: Now, I feel the need to acknowledge that having past traumatic experiences is a very sensitive topic, should not be taken lightly and not dismissed so easily as to say ‘you can just change it’ or ‘change now’. Even though we can all create better circumstances for ourselves, depending on our past, this can take a lot of work and one should never dismiss the possibility of seeking and getting professional help if it is felt that it is needed. Not everyone can just change their mindset and beliefs on their own just like that and there is nothing wrong with getting some help along the way. Do what feels best and right for you. 

I myself have seen many doctors, been on many pills and suffered C-PTSD, depression and anxiety for many years. In the end the pills are not what helped fix the underlying issues, but it certainly helped from time to time to get some relief from the symptoms, like an aspirin when you have a headache. I will still take an aspirin even though I believe I can manifest any headache away, just because sometimes that’s just easier. Don’t make it harder on yourself than you need to, if help is available, accept it, in fact, you can think of it as a gift from the Universe to help you on your journey to the most amazing life experience. You deserve all the best, and any helping hand along the way is a blessing, not a crutch and not a sign of weakness.

I hope this post was helpful to you in some kind of way!

I now offer email coaching on my Etsy Shop for anyone who needs help, assistance, guidance or just a cheerleader for their manifestation journey.

You can email me or use the “ask me” function for anything that might be on your mind, or on your heart. I am here for you all, always. Please note that the Ask Me’s are only open for dream interpretation, general questions or advice at this time.

Please consider supporting my intention & affirmation art business in return for my time and energy by making a purchase or sharing my shop on any of your social media, every page click helps my business grow and I appreciate all of your support.

You can get a sticker for about $2 and if you make a purchase and send me an email to let me know what you bought I will happily give you a free 3 card reading for a question of your choice or 1 free email for manifestation coaching, regardless of the cost of your purchase! 🧡

If you'd like to donate to my channel/blog I gratefully receive energy donations via Paypal, every little helps! 🧡

For anyone that feels so inclined I do have an Etsy Shop for readings.

Much love and light to you all and to the universe 💛💜

~ Lady Blue 💙

#manifestation #manifesting #loa #lob #law of attraction #law of belief #law of assumption #vortex #universe #help #guidance #advice #coaching #life #love #sp #specific person #relationships #neville goddard #abraham hicks #joseph murphy #intention #change #affirmations #creation #reality #creating #changing #circumstances #worthy

[graftisms]

BEACH HUT CONFESSIONALS 11: JOSHUA VARGAS DAY THIRTY-ONE ( CASA DAY 4 )

what are you most looking forward to about reuniting with the other villa ?   what are you dreading the most ?

“ oh man, i’m kinda going crazy right now, ”   josh laughs.   “ i was excited when i first heard the text, because obviously i’ve been talking about finally getting to talk things out with naomi for days now. but... it’s not going to be easy, either. for all i know she could be coming back with someone. hell, she probably is coming back with someone, knowing her. so that won’t be easy, but i’m also looking forward to it too ?   i don’t know. i’m definitely excited to see romi again though, i’ve missed her like mad. rhys too, i hope he’s got a nice guy or girl or whatever coming back with him. the guy deserves it. i’m... not looking forward to seeing jenny again, honestly. ”   josh rubs the back of his neck.   “ it’s been easy to ignore the way things left off with us while she’s been gone, but i actually don’t know where her head’s at. i’m assuming she’s bringing someone back too, but that doesn’t mean things between us are finished. i mean, for me they are. they have to be. yeah. ”

if you were to stick, why would you ?   why would you consider switching ?

“ i don’t know, y’know. i think everyone at this point in casa knows that i want to be with naomi, but there’s no ignoring that she’s probably bringing some dude back. plus after sleeping with mali on night one, i doubt she’s going to be able to suddenly trust me again. and then there’s the whole dylan thing, so... it would be smart to bring someone back, just in case. i’m trying to figure out if i should be game playing here—because everything’s a game with naomi—or just shoot my shot, even if it means getting dumped. ” 

if none of the bombshells could come back, who would you miss most ?

“ layla, for sure. i think if i were to bring anyone back right now, it’s gonna be her. though, to be honest, i do think phoebe deserves a shot too. i don’t know what happened between her and dylan yesterday, but she seems really upset, and she’s a sweet girl. even if she did friendzone me. and then miles, obviously, ”   josh laughs.   “ if frankie doesn’t bring him back, i just might do it myself. he’s a really good dude, reminds me of my friends back home. i haven’t had a friend like that here since luke, so it’s been nice. a highlight of casa. ”   he pauses.   “ i’ll probably miss mali too, even though i know how that sounds. i don’t know, maybe i should be bringing her back out of anyone. ”

what conversations do you need to have most when you reunite ?

“ besides the obvious ? ”   he laughs.   “ no, i’ll probably wait to see if dylan and naomi are gonna hash their shit out immediately, otherwise pull naomi first. i think the longer we go without talking, i’ll start breaking out into hives. jenny will have to come eventually too, but... that one can wait a bit longer. ”

what are you feeling about the decisions of the other islanders ?   who do you think has made the best connection ?

“ the best connection is frankie and miles, for sure. i really should’ve voted them for the hideaway. dylan feels like a waste of a vote now. but there’s no way she’s not bringing him back. i guess i should say val and marcus too, since they’ve been all over each other this entire time, but i don’t know. i’m biased, but i think if marcus brings val back, it’s just delaying the inevitable about him and romi getting back together. i still don’t love the way their relationship ended, on both of them, but there’s no way they’re ending this thing with other people. i think he should come back single for romi. ”   josh shrugs.   “ dylan, well. who knows what he’s thinking. i’m assuming he’s bringing back adela at this point, since he’s moved from phoebe to her in twenty-four hours. they seem into each other, so hey, good for them. it’ll be good to keep adela around, although i don’t love the idea of her and naomi talking about me. i just hope he doesn’t come back single. like, he’d be an idiot for that, and it might make me have to rethink what the hell i’m doing. it’d be naive to think what dylan does won’t affect me. but who knows—if he doesn’t bring back adela, maybe i’ll have to do it myself. ”

#crackon:prompt #joshua ; prompt #josh said more time to talk about naomi? bet

[menalez]

Hii mena! Its okay if i rant for a bit? 😭 i peaked (more or less) recently and it feels so. isolating i guess. It has done wonders for my mental health and my self esteem though! The pressure of being femenine and wearing make up and shaving and trying to fit in etc is gone (at least the pressure i used to put on myself) so ive stopped feeling like shit whenever i had to conform to any of that. The problem is that the entirety of my circle of friends, whom i love dearly, are libfems and very alligned with gender ideology (we live in a VERY gendie positive place). So. While i obviously hang out and talk a lot with them Ive started to get weird looks from them whenever i wear smth that shows my unshaved legs or critique anything having to do with idk plastic surgery and diets (thats a topic that idk why comes up A LOT because some of them like to discuss which procedures would they like to get and how much they cost anddd i didnt realize why i felt so uneasy with that and how fucked up it is until i peaked i guess). Ive tried gently critiqueing it whenever it came up, because i honestly feel like my self esteem drops whenever they start to talk about it, but i only receive weird looks and eye rolls and whatevs. And like. I love them, i really do, and its really hard for me to make friends and im lucky to have them. But lately whenever i get back home from hanging with them i feel ugly and dirty and inadequate and like maybe i should either stop talking to them or start shaving and fitting in again. Idk. One of them texted me today and asked if im still a girl or im nonbinary. I just wish they would listen to me and my perspective but im really afraid that i will labeled as a terf because thats like instant harassment at the art college im going rn. This is really badly worded and im sorry but im kind of a mess :") i just wanted to know if you have any word of advice. Thanks in advance :(

congrats on reaching this point anon!! your friends sound .. awful honestly. but you should know their logic and what will get through to them better than me, especially since you held similar beliefs relatively recently. if it were me i would’ve answered that friend asking if ur nonbinary by first asking her why she asked that and why she thinks that. if she points out stuff like body hair or not wearing makeup or not being feminine, i’d say that those things don’t mean someone isn’t a woman & it’s enforcing gender roles to say they’re necessary for women to do. use their language and their logic when contradicting them. when criticising plastic surgery, think of what they care about and what would make them listen. if they’re anti-capitalism bring up how it’s a capitalist ploy. if they care about feminism, talk about how plastic surgery advertising involves fuelling the insecurities of women for profit. it depends on what their priorities are and u can bring up many things to appeal to what they care about. if they care about ur feelings u can also try to find a way to gently tell them that they’ve been making u feel insecure / bad about urself and it makes it hard for u to live ur life as u want to. hopefully they’d at the very least respect that, if not … perhaps finding new friends even if difficult is better for u