#and you can only make things better so many times before the inevitable path is for them to get worse

[targaryen-dynasty]

OBJECT OF DESIRE (2/?)

Aemond Targaryen x female Reader

It's always sacrifice and duty. But what will you do, if it's put to the test?

WARNINGS: none!

WORDS: 3.3 K

NOTES: This is a chapter to build the plot of the story. If everything goes according to plan (what it never does) you're getting two to three more chapters! Tried to end it with a cliffhanger, but ain't sure if it worked lmao

Two days have passed in which you haven’t heard or seen even just a trace of Aemond. You didn’t catch any glimpses of him in the corridors, didn’t see him around his siblings, and not even spotted him training with the sword in the early hours of the day. 

You have been counting on him to approach you the following day to whisk you away like he’s said, almost promised, to save you from the inevitable torment that was due the next day – but he didn’t come. 

And with his absence, the doubts about merely being used by him arise and become more prominent, constantly scratching in the back of your mind. 

The only thing that makes it all slightly better is that you have been seeing your father just as sparsely as your cousin; clearly having no desire to spend his days with you and make up for the time you’ve lost, knowing that you’re incredibly cross with him. 

But with yours and Daemon’s paths not crossing once also vanishes any possibility of you coercing him to cancel the courtship, even though the chances would have been small anyways. 

The chair you currently sit in is nearly as uncomfortable as the large throne looming behind you is rumored to be, at least that‘s what you fathom, and you‘re certain that the thick fur draped over it, warming your arse and back, does little to help with that. 

It is little consolation that King Viserys’ second daughter shares the same fate as you, sitting in a chair that’s just as unpleasant as yours. 

You have planned for Ysilla to accompany you while you’re receiving the chosen suitors, trusting her advice and her knowledge of you, however, it has clearly interfered with the plans of Queen Alicent. 

But Helaena is no bad company. There’s something about her soft aura, which you’ve already noticed back when you arrived, that calms you and makes your misery much more bearable. She’s not a woman of many words, but there’s wit and charm in them when she speaks. 

Lined up in front of you two stands a queue of different lords and highborn men, all chosen by none other than your father, and you’re glad that at least your advisor seems to keep track of the men that come to introduce themselves. Whenever you glance at her, you see her gauging their characters based on their appearances alone, and her expression always matches yours when a man that’s significantly older than you steps forwards. And so far, it’s been quite a few. 

In the sea of lords, Blackwood, Lannister and Manderly alike, there eventually steps a much younger lord forwards. You raise your brow, and your eyes briefly flit over his form before Helaena leans towards you. 

“This one doesn’t seem too awful, does he?” she whispers, and if you listen closely, you can hear just a lilt of tease in her tone. 

You would love to spend your time differently at this moment, and you’re certain Helaena would enjoy being somewhere else as well, although you do feel relieved to finally be at least marginally less bored by someone that’s closer to your age than your father’s. 

The lord is tall and well built, wearing a well fitted doublet in his Houses’ colors; knowing them well enough to be certain it’s a fellow House of the Vale of Arryn. He has a clean shaven face that shows now scars or blemishes, and his short, brown hair neatly sits in place. It’s clear he is very-well groomed, a stark contrast to some of the other men that have already spoken to you today. 

“No, he’s… alright,” you reply, nodding your head once. 

You’re caught off guard when he approaches you slowly, coming closer than any other lord before, and bows before you. He takes your hand, pressing his lips to the back of it. Although you don’t feel any attraction towards him, goosebumps still prickle on your skin; you’re intrigued. 

“My lady,” he says, rising to his full height again as he takes a step back. “May I say that you have a striking beauty. I am Lord Alec Hersy of Newkeep. Your name has been brought to me by the other men of the Vale, who know you well and speak of you highly, and my lady, ‘tis an honor to ask for the opportunity to court you and unite our Houses.” 

You notice that he speaks with a great deal of confidence, almost as if he’s practiced what to say over and over. As you think about your answer, your eyes flicker to the several men that are still lined up behind him, all their eyes fixed on you as they wait for their turn to approach you. 

It’s eerily quiet for the few seconds you contemplate his offer, though you know that you’re not yet allowed to make a decision, and there must have been something in the way you smile at the man before you that makes it appear as if you mean to accept his advances for suddenly another lord comes forward to stand by Lord Hersy’s side. 

The other man isn’t as bold as the Hersy, keeping a polite distance from you, but you see it in the way he straightens his back and keeps his head held high that he clearly is competing with the man next to him, vying for your hand in marriage without having said anything up to now.

He is just as tall as his opponent but with a leaner frame, and also wears a doublet in his Houses’ colors; another Lord of the Vale. His long, brown hair is tied up, and he has a confident air about him. And then you spot the broken wheel on his doublet, the coat of arms. You would have never guessed him to be a Lord of House Waynwood for its members usually tend to be more horse-faced, at least that’s what they say, yet this man is strangely comely. 

It is clear that both men that stand in front of you are attractive, but in different ways. The Hersy man has a charming and youthful look, while the other has a sophisticated and more mature standing, and you’re not quite sure what you feel more drawn to.

You tilt your head sideways slightly at his bold approach, a raised eyebrow prompting him to finally speak. 

“My lady, I have been very impressed with what I have heard about you. Lord Hersy is right when he says you have a striking beauty for you look just like your late mother did. It is a blessing you have her eyes and smile.” His words leave you frowning for a moment, because from what you’ve gathered over all these years, your looks take more after your father than your mother. But the lord continues to speak, pulling you from your train of thought. “As a Lord of House Waynwood, I would like to ask the honor of having you by my side. What do you say?”

You’re stunned by his boldness. Looking from one man to the other, you’re stuck between both of them. However, this doesn’t last long for the silence is suddenly interrupted by the doors to the Throne Room opening. 

A mop of silver hair steps into the room with a certain air of arrogance and smugness that clings to him like a cloak. Aemond. His arrival doesn’t only surprise you, but you can also hear the lords and nobles start to mumble and grumble under their breaths, and you’re most impressed by how unphased Aemond is at that. 

Taking in a sharp breath, you regain your composure, trying not to let your nervousness show too much, and refocus on the men standing in front of you. Aemond‘s presence is unexpected, and you’re not sure how to feel after being used by him and not hearing from him for the past two days. He has given you hope to put you out of your misery, and crushed it just as easily.

“The both of you are very kind,” you say. Both men start to smile politely, even more when it’s returned by you, however, their smiles drop just as quickly at your next words. “But before I make a choice, I will need to consult with my father.”

With Aemond approaching, boldly walking past the queue of bowing suitors, both men briefly bow to you, before making room for him. 

“Prince Aemond,” you say, not waiting for him to settle and start speaking. It seems as though you haven’t lowered your eyebrow at all, one surprising moment happening after the other. 

Aemond walks up to you, coming just as close as the Hersy lord did before with his hands clasped behind his back, and his intense stare doesn’t leave your features. He grabs your hand, bringing it up to his lips. It makes your pulse quicken, and this time your body starts to feel as if it’s on fire. You’ve been cross with him just a few seconds before, and yet the feeling of his lips on your skin is enough to make the anger vanish. 

“I know you expected my return, my lady,” he says softly, his voice just loud enough for you and Helaena to hear him and not the men around. “Will you come with me now, or will you leave this to the men that are too weak to give you what you deserve?”

Pressing your lips into a thin line, your eyes flit down to where his hand is still holding yours. “What exactly would I be getting if I were to choose you, my prince?”

Aemond smirks at your reply, and squeezes your hand in a reassuring manner. “These men do not understand you as I do, my lady, and they never will. They may pretend to worship the ground you walk on, but that will not change the way they see you behind closed doors.”

Something stirs deep inside of you at his words, warmth rising in your cheeks and a tingling sensation in your stomach. It’s all too easy to give in to him, to give in to his words if it means you get a chance with him. Your mind races as you try to push away the thoughts of the consequences; but to no avail. 

You swallow, and reluctantly pull your hand back to fold them in your lap, fidgeting with your fingers. “I want to express my great gratitude for your presence, Prince Aemond, but I am afraid I can not give you your desired answer,” you speak loud enough for everyone in the Throne Room to hear, making clear that it’s you being in control. “As I said, I will need to consult with my father before accepting any of the offers.” 

The smile you give him is polite, but it hardly reaches your eyes. His smirk drops at that, and with a bow of his head, he turns to his sister who has silently watched the exchange. “May I have a word?” It’s not a question but more a demand, giving her no chance to refuse. 

Helaena nods and rises to her feet, flashing you an apologetic smile before she follows Aemond and disappears through the king’s door behind the Iron Throne.

You’re left to deal with the suitors and guards all by yourself, and know you’ll have to find a way to bid the men that have come to seek your hand in marriage farewell; in the most tactful way possible. 

Standing up, you keep your hands clasped in front of you. You look over the remaining suitors, carefully analyzing each of them. “My lords,” you speak loud and clear, feigning your confidence, “thank you for coming here today. I am incredibly impressed by all your proposals, but it was a long and tiresome day, and I have decided to have another day of courtship in the morrow. If you would excuse me now.”

As the men exit the large room on your behalf, Helaena comes back from where she’s left with Aemond not long before; not in the presence of her younger brother anymore. There’s a small scroll in her hand, neatly clasped between her slender fingers. 

“Is there a lord that has piqued your interest already?” she asks, a gentle smile on her lips. 

You glance at the scroll, noticing that it’s sealed, before meeting her eyes again. “Is there a lord that has piqued my interest?” you ask, your teasing tone suggesting that you don’t think there’s even one man that would fit the bill. 

“You’re not entirely incorrect,” she muses, “though I think that Lord Hersy does seem a little… less unappealing than the others.” Her words make you chuckle, and you raise a brow as she hands you the scroll. “For me?” you ask, tilting your head slightly. 

She nods, and you take it from her hands but don’t open it right away. It feels like something that’s best read in private.

“Do you not wish to know what is written inside?” she asks, gently, and not in a way that’s meant to pester you. 

Looking down at the scroll, you furrow your brow and sigh. There’s no way you can refuse her, a princess, without being impolite and appearing suspicious. “I… I suppose I do.” 

You break the seal and unroll it carefully in a guarded manner, making sure to be the first, and only one, to see what’s written inside. It takes everything in you not to allow your eyes to widen the moment you’re reading the first few words, not wanting to raise anyone’s suspicion. 

Before the princess can even ask, knowing she’d eventually do, you opt to tell her but keep the contents vague, giving a little fib. “Looks like…” you begin, trailing off as you pretend to read the scroll to its completion. “It’s a proposition from your brother, and apparently he wants me… to join him for supper.”

Helaena raises her brow, and you notice a smile creeping onto her lips. “This offer is certainly… an interesting one. A rather informal event for a prince to ask a lady to join him for. But do you wish to accept his invitation? You can decline, of course, but do keep in mind that my brother is quite the catch.”

You roll the scroll and keep it tightly secured in your palm, not keen on having its contents read by anyone other than you. “I suppose it couldn’t hurt to meet for supper,” you reply. “My father surely would want me to be open-minded while searching for a suitable match.”

She brings a hand up to rub your upper arm, smiling softly at you. “That certainly sounds wise,” she hums. “I think my presence is no longer required today, although I am very curious to hear how your supper goes. Will you promise to tell me how it turned out in the morrow?” 

You bow your head. “Of course. I shall take my leave now, cousin, and I must say that this has been quite a pleasant afternoon.”

“You are most welcome, cousin. If you require any support, or an open ear, come speak to me. I will be here to lend you both of it.”

With Helaena’s words, you exit the Throne Room, heading straight back to your chambers. They are quiet, for once, though this moment of serenity doesn’t last long with Ysilla stepping out of the adjoining bathing chambers. 

She has a smile on her lips as she catches you in better spirit than anticipated. “I assume that the courtship has been successful? “

You bite the tip of your tongue, stopping your lips from pulling into a grin. “You can say that it has, indeed,” you reply. Not wanting to dwell on the topic any longer than necessarily, reducing the risk of her asking any more questions, you change it. “Is the bath ready?” 

Ysilla bows her head, getting the cue, and steps aside. “It is waiting for you, yes. May I fetch your robe, my lady?”

“That is very gracious of you, thank you,” you reply, and when she disappears to prepare the robe for you, you’re quick to stuff the scroll into the pile of riding attire you’ve taken with you upon the travel. 

You don’t tell her about the letter you’ve received, and even less about what’s written inside. Therefore your maid doesn’t know that there’s no need for her to prepare you for the night just yet. It’s easier for you if she leaves you alone very early to retire to the quarters occupied by your entourage for you don’t need any fuss about leaving your chambers so late. 

While you usually handle most of the bathing by yourself, scrubbing and cleaning your body, you’ve left the care of your silver hair to your maid. She washes it thoroughly, dries it with care, and once you’re dressed, she separates the strands to brush them carefully. She applies special oils on the silver strands, before your hair is loosely braided down your back.

It seems as though Ysilla is extra cautious to make sure you’re comfortable and ready for bed; preparing every detail, however small, and completing every task meticulously for you to retire for the night. You’re certain she awaits for your restraint to snap at any given moment for you to tell her even the smallest details of the first day of your courtship. But in the prospect of your night, she can wait a damn long time for that to happen. 

And only when she brings in a small tray with light supper does she finally bow to you, folding her hands in front of her body. “I shall now retire for the night, my lady,” she hums. “I am certain tomorrow brings with it new, exciting tasks and I need to rest to be able to cope with them.”

Sitting down at the desk, you grab the cutlery to cut into the woodcock that’s served. You look up at her with a soft smile on your lips. “Thank you for your hard work today, Ysilla. Rest well, and we will see each other in the morning.”  

Your maid nods her head once again, and sets off for the door. “May the Seven watch over you, my lady.” With these words, she shuts the door behind her, and only as she’s finally out of the room does her absence weigh down on you, making you terribly aware of the letter that’s neatly stored in the pile of your riding breeches. 

The next two hours are drawn out to the point you consider just walking out of your chambers, making your way through the winding corridors and right towards his apartments. But you don’t do that. 

Only when the sun has long set do you start to prepare yourself for what lies ahead. Your nightgown and shift fall to the floor, and are quickly replaced by smallclothes and tight-fitting breeches, topped by a soft tunic. A pair of boots and a warm leather jacket follow, completing your outfit. 

You fetch the scroll again, skimming over its contents, rereading them in case you’ve missed anything. Of course you haven’t, and it’s written at the bottom, too hard to miss:

‘Dress simply and practically.’

That’s what you’ve done as you push at the wall to the right side of your bed, revealing a door that’s hidden in plain sight. It has been built into the architecture of the castle, perfectly blended into the wall and hard to find if you didn’t know what you’re looking for. 

And you didn’t know – it was a hard guess, based on the drawing Aemond has scrawled below the invitation to a little adventure. 

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#house of the dragon #hotd #aemond targaryen #aemond #aemond one eye #hotd aemond #aemond x reader #aemond fanfiction #prince aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen fanfic #hotd fanfic #hotd x reader #hotd imagine #hotd x y/n #hotd x you #house of the dragon fanfiction #house of the dragon x reader #house of the dragon imagine #house of the dragon aemond #house of the dragon fanfic #aemond stannies #ewan mitchell #ewan nation

[writingstoraes]

90 days 🍷

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: written imagine (angst)

word count: 2.3k

notes: this is just very angsty and has little to no dialogue, apologies for errors this was not proofread lolol lmk what u guys think <3

warnings: none too gruesome! mentions of break up, fights, and recollections of fond memories only

about: charles can’t avoid you forever and he cannot afford to do so. it’s his first time seeing you again after you parted ways, and it seems as if the entirety of his being still belonged to you.  

Charles wanted to say no. He wanted so badly to decline his brother’s invitation by possibly coming up with some reason why he couldn’t go, but in his heart, he just cannot find the will to do so. 

He was torn, between the possibility of seeing you again after everything that went down and the fact that he desperately needed a night out. Ever since the two of you decided to give each other’s hearts back, Charles had been picking up pieces of himself and he admits he’s all over the place. Not having you in his life sucked. He doesn’t bother to find any melancholic or beautiful word to describe it; everything just sucks. At the same time, he doesn’t think avoiding you would be any better. You both had many similar circles of friends and you both lived in the same, small city. It was only some time before your paths had to cross again, inevitably. 

He thinks this might possibly be the better option, like ripping off a band-aid. Maybe by seeing you, he can assess the progress he’s made for himself, that is if he’s actually made any. But deep down he knows, he looks forward to seeing you, finally being in the same room as you because it felt like forever since he was last graced by your presence.

Had the two of you been together still, Arthur’s invitation will probably be of two counts instead of just one. It’s like he could still picture you standing in front of your shared room’s full-length mirror, trying on an outfit you have already decided on, proceeding to ask him what you should do with your hair. Charles adores the way you pull out pictures from your phone, knowing he was more of a visual learner, just so he could pick which hairstyle would suit you better. 

As he proceeds to the bathroom so he can freshen up before leaving, he glances at the completely empty countertop. Before, tiny trinkets of your things were laid out on it neatly. He could spend an eternity watching you do your makeup or curl your hair. He misses seeing tubes of foundation and eyeshadow palettes spread on the marble top or cords of your hair straightener plugged in the socket near the paper towel. He remembers the time when you had let him do your make-up and he ended up giving you a spectacular smoky eye, and by spectacular, you looked like a raccoon. But the two of you laughed about it anyway, and he apologizes by peppering kisses all over your face as he drags the makeup wipes across your eyelids. 

The nightlife you can find in Monaco was definitely unbelievably alive if you had to describe it. It doesn’t matter if it was a race weekend; even if it wasn’t, the city was always awake. High-class restaurants filled to the brim with reservations, bars littered with people who want a fun night that they forget whatever it is they’re running away from. He’s probably doing the same thing, so he can’t judge.

Charles ignores the fact that his car ride to the restaurant was just him retracing all your steps and recalling all the memories he’s made with you. The glovebox of his car used to have some of your belongings and he had been accustomed to seeing you in the passenger seat, now his undeniably really cool and expensive car just seemed lonely and empty. He knows in his heart that car rides with you were always the most peaceful and most fun, he doesn’t mind how you play all your favorite artists’ songs even if he doesn’t know half of them. He gets the kick when he sees you singing along, your voice filling the cold car. He misses seeing you close your eyes in solitude when the windows are down, reiterating how you prefer riding his car with the windows down because it gives you a clearer view of what’s outside.

He sighs to himself when he gets out of the car, prepared to accept whatever the world plans on throwing at him should it decide that it was time for him to run into you. Whatever this was that Arthur had planned was not a party, more of a lively dinner and chat with friends, which Charles was thankful for because he was sure seeing you again in combination with heavy liquor would just result in his relapse. 

Charles enters the restaurant, seeing a few of his friends. He nods at some, smiles at others, and embraces the others rather tightly. He feels a bit lighter, slowly starting to think it might be a good idea he came. It was rather nice to be surrounded by friends, maybe for a while he can forget the despondency he left at home and in his car. 

“Hey, you came!” Arthur gleams, as he makes his way over to his older brother. He slings his arm over Charles’ shoulder, right after they exchange light kisses on the cheek. 

“Of course, I did,” Charles replies, glad he saw his brother again, who looked like he was having fun.

“Also, I know you already know but I invited her. She’s Carla’s friend and the three of us have a ton of mutual friends, it would just seem wrong not to,” Arthur raises the subject, something Charles hopes he wouldn’t, but it had to be addressed anyway.

“No, it’s fine.” he responds, trying to appear as emotionless as he can. “I mean, technically we have the same friends. It’d just be a matter of time before we had to see each other again.”

“I know, but-” the younger retorts, quite worriedly.

“It’s okay, Arthur. Besides, it was my decision to go anyway. I can’t avoid her forever.”

“Plus, it’s been what, 3 months? If by now I still can’t handle seeing her without breaking down then I really need to seek some help.” Charles says, followed by a light and quiet laugh. He tries to make a joke of it all, a desperate attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but not even his own brother is a stranger to his obvious salvage.

But all it really was was just humor. It really has been three months, a shy of 90 days since you departed from his life, but he’s afraid to admit he was still tethered to you and he’s even more scared to face the reality he might never be completely over you.

Arthur then left him as he proceeds to sit down. He chooses a seat near the corner of the table, already beside Joris and in front of a friend. This way it’s unlikely you had to sit in front of him or beside him. Before his brother left him to his thoughts, the younger Monegasque was quick to reassure him you haven’t arrived yet, so at the moment he should have nothing to worry about.

But then he hears your name. He hears Arthur greet you at a distance he knows is in the restaurant’s front doors. The sound of your lively and soothing voice travels to his ears and it’s as if he winces in pain by hearing you. If your voice alone can shatter the pieces of himself he didn’t even think he had anymore, he’s in fear of what happens to him when he gets to set his eyes on you.

Joris sends him a knowing stare, a look of worry in his eyes, and Charles knows it was his signal that you were right behind him. Charles tries his best to not look back, to not glance at you, even if it felt like he was physically fighting the muscles in his neck and back. 

You make your way to the table, smiling to friends and hugging some, and Charles feels his heart break as soon as his eyes landed on you. It didn’t make it better that you looked breathtaking, your hair neatly parted to the side, and the dress you wore hugged your body rather perfectly. He feels a lump in the back of his throat, still not immune to the effect you had on every room you entered. He didn’t know how you did it, but each time your presence fills a room, everything just becomes brighter and lighter. He feels his chest lighten, yet at the same time, it feels as if it’s being weighed down by tons of rocks.

The ridiculously long table Arthur had acquired was of no help. You were sitting fairly far away from him, but you were on the opposite side so he still got a clear view of you. The restaurant’s warm light hits you to perfection, the features of your face highlighted rather marvelously it makes Charles’ heart hurt. Deep down he feels you were avoiding his gaze, trying your best not to look at his direction, so Charles tells himself to do the same. For some time he desperately tries to fill his mind’s own silence by conversing with his friends, trying to forget the fact that you were mere seats away from him. 

He feels as if someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and smashed it to the ground, stomped on it until all the blood had drained out of it until it turns white and pale. Truly, seeing you had just proven he was still aching, in the same magnitude as the first day he slept on a bed without you in it. 90 days and still he thinks he hasn’t made any progress, so terrible he wants to bash his head just to get over you.

Charles wonders how someone can go from a soulmate to a stranger, how you can go from being the person he runs to when he feels like the world is crashing down on him to someone who’s behind the tears he quietly sheds at night. How someone who’s met his family and the entire team in Ferrari, how one can go from being Fred’s self-proclaimed daughter to someone he can’t even look at without being in pain.

No matter how hard he tried to avoid it, his eyes unconsciously still landed on you. He feels something pull at the nerves in his heart whenever you smiled and laugh, and he figures you were still as beautiful as the day he lost you. He closes his eyes and remembers the day the two of you hit your tipping point - the night you packed up your things and left your shared apartment, leaving Charles to ponder alone in a cold and empty room. He remembers how you both started to settle things as calmly as you could and he’d forgotten how you got to a point where it was just frustration and pent-up anger. He can still picture how you slammed the door behind you and he remembers how he threw his phone across the room - not aimed at you, but out of emotion. 

“Earth to Charles,” Joris snaps his fingers across the table, trying to get his attention.

“Yeah? Sorry, zoned out a bit.”

“Uh, Peter’s asking how you’ve been,” 

“Oh well I’m okay. Life’s not always sunshine and rainbows so it is what it is,” Charles replies, adding a small laugh at the end.

“Hey, by the way, I’m sorry about your split with Y/N. Must have been tough.” 

“It was,” he says, turning his head to look in your direction and looks back at his friend right after. “But it’s all good.” 

Except Charles was just a liar. It was not all good, he knew that, and everyone who knew him well enough would see right through him. He’s never been a good liar nor a good pretender, people close to him knew he was hurting. Joris knew it, thankfully, he got Peter to change the subject before he pried any further. But Charles couldn’t blame them, because they were witnesses to his greatest love story yet - the one he had with you. 

He misses you, so bad it makes him want to just walk up to you and tell you he longs for you. He misses you more than he remembers you. He doesn’t care about his friends anymore or what people might say, he doesn’t care if he’s going to ruin all the progress he’s made no matter how little it was, he wanted you back in his life it’s disrupting all his senses. All he could do now was look at you and wonder how you’ve been doing, because God knows he can’t ask you himself. He has a hundred questions he wants to ask you; how you’re processing everything, if you’ve been taking your supplements daily because you tend to forget, and if it was still him that resided in your heart. 

Except he can’t. So he decides to stash his feelings in a box and stowed it away in the back of his head. 

“Hey, uh, I’ll just get some fresh air.” Charles excuses himself, deciding to give himself a breather. Too preoccupied with his own thoughts, he doesn’t notice you were gone from the table as well. And maybe he’s better off not knowing, he didn’t attend tonight just so he can weep and watch you. 

Head down yet still cautious of the path he was walking, Charles continues his stride with the goal to get out of the restaurant so he could climb up its balcony that overlooked the city. 

As he climbs up the stairs, he notices a shadow, someone else coming down so he decides to step aside and let them through.

Much to his surprise, he was greeted with the only one he’s ever longed for and loved, still. 

“Charles,”

“Hi.”

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tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy (lmk if anyone else wants to be part of my tag list hehe)

notes: thank u sm for reading <333

#writtenbyrae #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc one shot #charles leclerc drabble #charles leclerc angst #formula 1 #f1 #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 angst #f1 drabble

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Episode 5 Preview (A walk in Sand's 'Rough & Dusty' World)

I'm really looking forward to where Episode 5 is taking us with Ray and Sand's storyline. This almost feels like the proper start to these two as a 'couple'. Having seen more to Ray last week, we're now getting a better insight into Sand's life, which looks peppered with sweet and spicy moments throughout.

We start with breakfast at Sand's. Can we safely assume this is a morning after scene, which means they slept together again? (How adorable does Ray look whilst he peeks into the kitchen? He's an actual child, I weep).

At the end of Episode 4, Ray seems to have arrived at the conclusion that he's now open to the idea of welcoming Sand into his life, and being more sincere about their (cough) 'friendship'. And with that, he intends to make more of a conscious effort, to show he has taken on board what Sand said.

So Ray suggests they spend the day together, "Can I stay with you? I wanna get to know you better." (A nice parallel to Ray's usual 'stay with me') It's an immediate indication that someone is starting to take you seriously, because they are initiating opportunities to see your world, to understand your perspective - to better appreciate all the things that make you who you are.

So far, Sand has mainly operated in Ray's world when they've crossed paths. Ray knows very little of Sand's life, other than his job as a bar singer. The fact that Ray is taking an active interest is a huge step. This isn't 'I'm paying or begging you to spend time with me' (aka Ray wanting Sand to keep him company), it's 'I want to spend time with you' (I'm keeping you company). That's a very notable distinction.

This request also means that Sand will be leading the day's activities, with Ray following along. That's another role reversal of how their dynamic has played out so far. Ray is the one who dictates what he'd like to do, and he persuades Sand to agree. Giving Sand full control is another example of Ray welcoming his opinion and preferences. It's a sign of moving towards more equality and balance in their relationship.

(How powerful is Sand in the leather jacket? The whole riding a motorbike together screams boyfriend energy).

Try to stay sane folks, because we should also be getting THIS notorious scene. It looks like they're in a changing room but who knows, maybe Sand has a weird privacy corner in his flat? The shirt Ray wears for the rest of the episode is hanging on the wall. We get Sand changing Ray (because his role as Ray's caretaker reigns supreme), and whilst doing so, he goes in for a cheeky fondle.

Sand continues to open Ray's eyes through music at a gig, which is a nice continuation of the lovely scene they shared at the record store. They also return to the go-go bar, where Ray publicly serenades our resident singer?

And we'll bear witness to Sand falling more and more visibly in love by the second. It's just as Mew called it - Ray should be a ray of sunshine and that's exactly the way Sand looks at him. That gaze is full of warmth and awe. Sand is completely aware of Ray's faults and bad habits, because he saw those first and upfront. And yet he sees Ray beaming underneath, despite all those things.

(As a side note to Ray - the superficial attention of many doesn't come close when compared against the all-encompassing attention of just one. Do you see how that man looks at you??)

After a long day out of playing actual boyfriends, they have a quiet, steamy make out session on Sand's balcony. Having had Ray accompany him all day, there's no doubt Sand is even more head over heels now.

If they did indeed sleep together the previous night and were gunning for 2 in a row, I really don't think you can shirk that off as 'friendship' anymore. I don't care how deep or convincing you think your denial is.

Aaaand OH. It was only a matter of time before this inevitably happened. Either Sand would walk in on Boston/Nick wildin', or they would catch him and Ray doing the dirty. My worry is how Boston is going to react, because not only has Top given him the cold shoulder, Ray is swiftly veering off his plan and how he ideally wanted to manipulate the situation. In a desperate bid to clutch at straws, I really hope Boston doesn't try to stir shit up with Sand instead (in regards to that Ray and Mew kiss).

Boston, you better steer well clear of our unproblematic couple. Let them be happy without the fuckery that is your mind games.

(Ray's expression cracked me up. He looks completely out of it 'Huh? What's happening? Who dis?' Boy was so consumed in kissing Sand, he forgot who he was).

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #ray x sand #sand x ray #raysan #sanray #khaofirst #firstkhao #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #we're getting domesticity #we're getting boyfriendly bonding

[deathmetalangel]

Helo! It's me again '^^

I loved your "Bad Joke" hcs so much that I want to request another bunch of headcanons for this cartoon! (Only if you want tho-)

What about some platonic headcanons of Rose Quartz, garnet, pearl, amethist and Steven (sepparetly if it's possible) reacting to a fem!gem! reader who is 13 years old (yeah, I'm obsessed with fem early teen readers) puffing herself for 3 weeks due to sadness because she felt unwanted.

You can totally ignore this request if it makes you uncomfortable or if the topic is triggering! Have a nice day/night!

POOFING HEADCANONS (GEMS X FEM! READER/PLATONIC)

warnings: slightly depressive talk, abandonment issues if you squint, kind of angsty but not really?

y/n wasn’t as strong as her older companions, and thus wasn’t involved in as many missions or brought along all the time. that feeling can make anyone feel very unwanted. and sometimes desolated.

tysm for liking my writings and requesting. i’m really glad you liked the last headcanons :3 i hope these are just as good.

ROSE QUARTZ

- when y/n first poofed rose thought she had just run off

- perhaps she wanted a break from everyone

- eventually after not long of looking she finds her gem hidden away

- rose is so worried! how could she not have noticed

- keeps her gem with her at all times waiting for her to reform

- when she does rose’s motherly instincts kick in and she just hugs her so tight

- “i’m so sorry! why on earth would you do such a thing.”

- and when y/n explains her feelings rose is on the brink of tears

- how could she have failed as a leader to make her youngest recruit feel unwanted

- goes on for hours explaining why y/n is wanted and why she’s a valuable part of the team

- “you’re so strong and funny! what would we do without you y/n? not even just battle, what would we do around the temple without you. i love seeing you everyday y/n. i want to help you grow and change and embrace earth!”

- rose is a sap and they both cry together (she mostly cried because y/n was crying and she was wanted her to feel better)

GARNET

- of course she noticed her change in behavior

- how dejected she would get when her and steven had to stay behind

- but the infinite possibilities sapphire foretold never considered this path

- steven had found y/n’s gem and quickly brought it to garnet

- she is so so worried how could her future vision fail her

- she had become your mother in a way and this just broke her heart

- carefully kept her gem in her room, which no one ever entered, and counted the days she remained in her gem

- when she inevitably reformed garnet was struggling to hold herself together because she immediately began crying

- sapphire was scolding herself while ruby just wanted to help

- allows her to take her time before coaxing her out of the ball she had curled into

- when y/n explains garnet carefully removes her visor

- “i don’t care what you think, you are never unwanted here. you’re apart of the crystal gems even if we can’t always bring you along. i was only trying to protect you. i’m sorry y/n.”

- when she hugs her garnet cries even more

- she was so worried, but she was so glad y/n was back

- “you and steven are important to all of us, so please keep yourself safe. when you’ve trained more you’ll be on every single one of our missions i promise.”

PEARL

- pearl had a busy schedule almost all the time

- but she did take notice of y/n’s absence rather quickly

- pearl panics when steven is out of her eyes sight for a minute, but she really gets anxious when she hasn’t seen her in hours

- when she finds y/n’s gem she freaks out

- places it on a pillow and watches anxiously sort of like steven did when she got poofed

- pearl genuinely stayed in her room almost the whole time waiting for y/n to reform

- when she does she cries so much

- “y/n! what happened?”

- explaining everything made pearl feel so guilty

- “why would you ever think that? we all love you so much y/n. i’m sorry if i get sidetracked or overly indulged in my work, but i promise you that you’re never unwanted.”

- she cries in pearls arms while pearl ugly cries

- she was just genuinely afraid of loosing y/n like she did rose

AMETHYST

- amethyst would never say she was worried about y/n, but yeah she was always concerned

- she just always seemed distant

- amethyst tried her best to make her feel included

- when she finds her gem amethyst is so mad

- not at y/n, but at everyone else

- “how could you guys not see what was happening? even i seen it! this happened because you guys failed to make her feel like she was apart of the team!”

- she knows the feeling of not being wanted very well

- amethyst was very anxious waiting for y/n to reform

- especially as the weeks started to drag on and on

- when she does reform amethyst does not let her out of her bear hug

- “i’m not gonna say i don’t get it, i do. but y/n, you gotta believe me when i say that you are wanted here. the other gems just get busy with dumb stuff they forget about us sometimes. but even if pearl and garnet are busy, you still have me.”

- they are inseparable from then on

STEVEN

- steven is very oblivious, he’s a kid obviously

- but when he finds y/n’s gem he doesn’t stop crying

- worse than when he cried over snakes

- “pearl bring her back. please.”

- when the gems tell him that he has to wait on her to reform he cries more

- does not leave her gem alone

- even when garnet tries to tell him to give y/n space and time he refuses

- when she reforms steven starts crying again

- “what happened?!”

- hugs her so tight while he cries

- “what do you mean you feel unwanted, i want you here all the time y/n.”

- he doesn’t fully get it, he’s used to feeling belittled but not unwanted yk

- “i promise y/n you will never ever feel like that again. i’m so sorry.”

- now she starts crying because he’s crying so much

- but it did make her feel better after

#deathmetalangel #steven universe headcanon #steven universe x reader #steven universe #su #crystal gems x reader #crystal gems #garnet #amethyst #pearl

[bestworstcase]

are you willing to share the details on tdt! zhan tiri

behold my incomprehensible diagram!

um. after v9 i lost all sense of restraint, on the grounds that the blacksmith is an aspect of the tree and therefore the tree reasonably might have other aspects, and then there were four, and then there were twelve. lmao. (the artisan is the blacksmith—she’s depicted as a wood carver and lewis called her ‘the lively carpenter,’ so i figured she’d give herself a more nonspecific name.)

because i am also shaking heraclitus between my teeth like a terrier with a rat, Only One ever exists at a time; the tree is always becoming itself and its aspects shift and flow and transform into each other. in various directions and by varied means. ANYWAY,

those quartets (was/is/will-be) are not temporal categories but rather (copying straight from my lore notes here):

Presiding over forethought and remembrance, the Was concerns itself with what may be known: prophesy before, and memory after, for Time is the circle which remembers itself. It would be a mistake to say that the Is presides over, because the Is does not rule; but it might preside at the choosings, the turnings, the changings, and so the Is circumnavigates the Soul. Some things do not change—some things can never be changed—and over what is unchanging and unchangeable, the Will-Be presides: over strife, over hunger, over graspings, over flux.

was is about the flow of time and knowledge, is concerns action and choice, and will-be are manifestations of inevitability—things that Always Are. if you are uh. familiar with bitter snow zhan tiri i’m sure you can guess where she Goes…

The Reaper, called the Sitient Thorn and the Black Vulture and the Flower-Maker and the Goat-With-One-Thousand-Teeth and the Lady-of-Wilds and the King-of-Beasts—for she has been known by many names in many places—appears however she pleases, and it pleases her to change. Her fur and feathers are oil-dark; she crowns herself with the coal-black horns of a ram; her eyes glitter green; she reeks of vegetable rot and brine. Her true name, if she has one, might be the Wrathful Sky. All things want. Her season is Spring.

she is—as in bitter snow lmao—a little unusual in that she’s not a quote-unquote true aspect of the tree but rather something hungry that came from somewhere else, from the dark country which is nowhere. it is ESSENTIAL FOR HER CHARACTER that she’s a strangler fig. always. so she is kind of a quasi-parasitic trespasser into this Situation but also, in the same way that real stranglers protect their living host trees from being uprooted by storms, not an adversarial one necessarily.

what that means in practical terms is the reaper is the exception to a lot of the, for lack of a better word, “rules” that define the tree’s nature. in her aspect as an aspect of the tree, she takes on its nature; when she isn’t manifest within the tree, though, she exists outside and independent of it. so she can, for example, go for walkies in the backyard

by which i mean remnant. lmao

on remnant, the reaper is the god of animals. she didn’t make the fauni but once they came to be she decided she liked them Best and has favored them ever since. many, but not all, fauni receive her blessing, which (like that of the brothers) confers a magical gift, specifically a form of shapeshifting.

NOT like what the branwens can do—more in the vein of ‘cultivating’ the animal-like traits you already have as a faunus, so if (for example) you were born with shark teeth you might learn to rearrange your respiratory anatomy and grow gills, or give yourself sharklike skin. this can be done in a way that is permanent (this is called ‘ripening’) or not (‘borrowing’). most fauni who learn mix and match a bit (and there are different formal ‘paths’ that combine techniques in different proportions and intensities).

the gift itself is called khime and the practice is khimancy; humans often misunderstand khimancy as sort of a fauni tradition combining auralerie and konurgy (dust-magic) into a single art, but that is. um. Wrong.

(it is possible for master khimancers to fully turn themselves into an animal, but it takes a lot of dedication and many years of training to get there. the ones who get there are called turnskins and they’re rare, like on the level of silver-eyes rare.)

anyway the Reason not every fauni in the world receives khime is she only gives it to the ones who ask. asking is Really Simple—just a small ritual to get her attention, though the specifics vary a lot between different sects—and in many fauni cultures it’s seen as a rite of passage marking the end of one’s childhood. but because it’s a religious practice specific to khimerism, obviously not everyone Does It.

conversely, it isn’t Just For Fauni in the sense that a human could petition the reaper for her gift if they so chose, and she might say yes. for all intents and purposes this is Converting To Khimerism and under khimeric law makes you a faunus—although it won’t cause a physical alteration right away, there is a process for revealing your true form.

this is PRETTY RARE but not unheard of. there’s a handful of fauni folk heroes who are said to have been born human and either left in the wilderness as infants and being saved by fauni parents or outcast from human society and turning to the god of animals for solace; mythically speaking, the idea is that, just as the god of animals offered their gift to some humans who refused, perhaps there might be a very few humans whom they missed, or who weren’t born at the right time, and such people will find their own path to where they truly belong.

(IN CASE IT ISN’T OBVIOUS i’ve chosen to veer off the ‘racism allegory’ angle by leaning into the religious aspect of fauni identity; the narrative in ‘the shallow sea’ is essentially “we are our god’s chosen people and through this covenant we were changed” so—in the context of TDT where the god of animals and their shape-changing magic is real—if one chooses to convert and accept that covenant one can become a faunus. the reverse however isn’t true: one can leave the religion and relinquish the gift, but that doesn’t get rid of the fauni traits. nothing is erased, nothing forgotten.)

salem knows about her. (her opinion is chiefly “stop. trying. to eat. my. grimm.” they have tea sometimes it’s complicated.) ozpin thinks the god of animals is a myth, if a curiously persistent one. and the reaper is also like… at least half of remnant’s cryptids because when she’s out for walkies in the backyard most of the time she does it as a horrible mishmash Creature. when fauni characters say the Lady or the King they’re talking about her. she is both the Lady and the King because she doesn’t know what a gender is (and at this point she’s too afraid to ask) and she picks her pronouns on the basis of “i’ll have what my friend is having :)”

the god of light. HATES HER. she crawled in through the jabberwalker (no relation to the walker) (theophoric name) and latched onto the tree before the brothers could Get Rid of her and then made herself part of the tree Somehow!!! (you are what you eat) so now she just exists outside of his power.

(the brothers were both actually far more powerful than the tree when they left the ever after, because the tree is a passive force, it cannot act outside of itself, but the brothers had no power over the tree. so the reaper can’t overrule the god of light on his ultimatum—although she’d like to—but he can’t do anything to stop her from going for walkies. he just seethes impotently.)

#time does this #she identifies as a menace. #and doesn’t have a Significant role in the story herself it’s just a handful of major characters worship her lmao

[fandom-chic]

The Time We Lost: Chapter 4

Summary: 40 years have passed since you saw Soldier Boy. Yet here he was at your door. With so many things having changed, will you two be able to withstand the modern world?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Y/N

*JAMIE’S POV*

“Are you there yet?”

“Yeah, I just got to 5th and 81st; how long will I be waiting here?” Jamie says into the phone. The Manhattan crowds shove past him, acting as if a 6’3” wall of a man is not there. That is the main difference between Manhattan and Brooklyn, the number of people.

“Not long, Hughie, and I won’t take too much time.” Jamie could swear he heard Butcher’s lighter click on the other line. He shuddered at the idea of Billy’s plan, but it had to be done. After that day in the hospital, Jamie knew he had to take action into his own hands. His mother was dying. If there was a solution to this, he had to try and find it. 

The plan wasn’t too complicated. On the contrary, it was straightforward: save the family from the burning building. He did this daily at his job. He knew it would just be another day in the office; however, this felt different. Usually, he only took his own life into his hands, but today, his mother was counting on him. No pressure, right?

“Alright, just give me the signal when you’re ready.” Jamie heard a dark chuckle on the other line.

“Oh, you will definitely get a signal.” Jamie could swear he heard Butcher smirking on the other line. Fuck that guy. Jamie lightly kicked an empty soda can in frustration, watching it fly a little farther than he wanted it to. Sometimes he forgets his strength, but here he was, planning to show it to the world. Letting himself finally fall onto the path his father had followed.

That might be why his mother was so protective of him. Jamie leans against a bodega, watching the people walk by as he remembers that conversation with his mother all those years ago.

He was barely sixteen when he came home from school with a giant smirk. Y/N could not help but smile back at her son as he seemed to glide into the yard.

“Well, someone had a good day at school,” She says, shutting her book. “What’s got you smiling so much?”

“I did a really good thing today.” He sounded excited, overjoyed about what had happened that day.

“What may that be?” She says, trying to match his energy.

“You know that kid Martin? The one in my English class who gets the shit beat outta him every other day? Well, today, they got a taste of their own medicine.” Immediately, Y/N’s smile dropped. Jamie’s was still plastered on his face as he continued, “Mom, I think it’s time I make something of myself. I want to follow my dad’s footsteps and try out for Vought-” 

“No.” The thought had barely left his lips before Y/N shut him up. There was a beat before the inevitable question came up.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Jamie, we’ve talked about this. Being a full-time hero is extremely dangerous.” Y/N wanted to add the caveat that it’s what got his father killed, but Jamie already knew that.

“And that’s why I’d be so good at it! I’m basically indestructible.” He hits himself in the chest to prove to Y/N that he wasn’t stretching the truth.

“Jamie, it’s a no, and that’s final,” Y/N said, her voice cutting at the final syllable. Jamie takes a step toward his mother.

“Mom, it’s what I’m meant to do. I want to be like my dad. He was the greatest supe of all time, and I want to live up to him. I want to make him proud. Please?” Jamie was pleading, wishing with everything in his heart for this dream to come true. But it didn’t seem to be in the cards for him.

“How many times must I tell you that the answer is no? Do you want to wind up dead like your father? Do you want to make your loved ones constantly fear for your life? The answer better be no, or you’re no son of mine.” And at that, the conversation was truly over. Jamie could feel tears coming into his eyes as he ran past his mother into the house, slamming the front door behind him.

From that day forward, there was a rift between Jamie and Y/N. Things were said that couldn’t be unsaid. The day Jamie turned 18, he left home and kept to his mother's wishes but on his terms. That’s how he ended up becoming a firefighter. Still saving people, but he wasn’t a supe. Although, he was a hero by a technicality. 

Jamie sighed as he stared at the silhouette of The Metropolitan Museum of Art. True, Brooklyn was superior to Manhattan, but The MET truly was glorious. He took a deep breath then, focusing on what was about to happen any minute now. He looked away from The MET to the apartment building a block away. That building was the target. There were people in that building that he was going to save. This would be the day that things looked up for him. 

Almost as if on cue, Jamie heard an explosion erupt from the top story of the apartment complex. All heads shot to the building as screaming and running began. 

Showtime. 

Jamie ran against the grain of the foot traffic, taking massive strides toward the fire. He made it in no time at all. He stopped and looked up, taking in the situation. It was a relatively big fire, but it was controlled. Easy. When initially assessing this building with Billy and Hughie, they realized there were only four families in this medium-sized townhouse. He will have the families in and out within five minutes. 

Jamie’s sprint quickened as he approached the front door. It didn’t take much force to break it down. He almost flew inside as he went to the top floor. The door opened with ease as it was already half broken. Inside, a small child was cowering in his mother’s arms. Jamie approaches them.

“I’m here to save you!” He yells over the sound of flames smacking the walls. The woman nodded and gave her child to Jamie. Her little arms held on tight to him as the woman grabbed his arm. He knew she would only slow him down, so he scoops her onto his back. Once she is secured, he runs out of the apartment and the building. When he has returned outside, he notices that groups of people have started to form near the building, watching his heroism. All he could think about was how smoothly this was going. As if all the pieces were falling into place. 

That was until he heard a crack.

At this point, there was only one person left in the building. He could see her in the window as the flames seemed to sneak up behind her. Her tears were staining her cheeks as she watched his attention turn. There was another crack, this time louder. That was when the building began to fall. There was no way he would be able to make it inside. If he were to save the woman, the building would land on the people in the crowd. If he didn’t save the one woman… what was the point of all of this? He was stuck, and he had no way to get unstuck.

Well, he did have one. And that was when the building’s base cracked in half and fell. He couldn’t be stuck anymore. Suddenly, the weight of the world is on his back. Usually, objects weren’t heavy, almost like picking up stuffed animals, but this was different. He could feel himself falter under a new level of weight. Everything seemed to freeze as the building lay on his back, but his mind was racing. He had to put it down, or he would die. 

And that was when he took all the effort left in him to shout, “Move!” And the crowd parted like the Red Sea. That was the new home of the carcass of this building. Once it made a home on the rugged ground, he grabbed the woman from the building. It was over. He did it. And he managed to get the front page shot with the beautiful damsel in his arms, carrying her into safety.

It took less than a day for Vought to find him. He was back at the fire station, going through the motions of a typical day—just an average Joe Hero. The red-headed woman who entered had a flustered energy. One that immediately brought his attention to alert.

“You’re the Brownstone Hero, right?” She exclaims.

“I guess I am,” Jamie says, giving a knowing laugh.

“Ashley Barrett,” Her hand shoots out for him to shake, “Director of Talent Relations at Vought.” Vought. Perfect. He shook her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Ashley. I’m Jamie.” He let go of her hand, but she held on.

“Let’s cut the formalities,” That was when she pulled her hand away, “The Seven is in desperate need of a new member, and we want it to be you.” It was like taking candy from a baby.

“Wow,” Feigning shock was not difficult, “I can’t believe this is happening.” Ashley's smile was like a statue trying to break marble that had been there for thousands of years.

“Your interview is at 2:00 PM,” It was currently 9:00 AM. “Don’t be late.” And she was gone. 

It wasn’t long until Jamie found himself seated in front of a set of familiar faces. The Seven. They were exactly like he expected. He smiled to himself.

“And that is why we think you should join The Seven.” Jamie had not listened to a word Starlight had said. He knew he was a shoe-in. 

“This is all so exciting,” They are all eating his bullshit, “I don’t know what to say,” Almost all of them.

“Say yes, dude!” The Deep exclaimed.

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but I feel like there’s something you all should know,” Jamie looks over at Ashley as she stares daggers at him over her laptop. “And it may impact whether you want me or not.”

“What’s the fucking caveat?” Maeve said, crossing her arms.

“My dad is Solider Boy.” The whole room lit up, and he was signed. 

“Guess you’re the new Solider Boy!” Starlight says through a smile. They were all smiles, except one man. Jamie turned to see Homelander’s glare deepen. If only he knew what he had gotten himself into.

Taglist:

@nt-multi-fandom

@globetrotter28

@bowlegsandbiceps

@bronze-metal

@Minaxcarter

@diasnohibng

@xxemoluverxx

@lacilou

@Siospins2

@emily-roberts

@danart501

@shaggzthatsnottheworm

@aerangi

@calsjack

@floraroselaughter

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy #soldier boy imagine #the boys #the boys fanfiction #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy drabble #jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #the boy imagines #the boys x reader #the boys x you #jensen ackles the boys #soldier boy imagines #soldier boy headcanons #soldier boy x y/n #jensen ackles imagine #jensen x reader #jensen ackles imagines #fandom-chic

[jeffbiblesupremacy]

JEFF’S INTERVIEW FOR GQ MAGAZINE

Translation below

On the roof of a commercial building, I invited Worakamon Satur, also known as Jeff Satur, to sit and talk in the evening around sunset time. It was a very hot day. The afternoon sun made me think the summer is closer than we think. But when the sky began to darken and the sun started to fade, a breeze started to blow and made me feel that it wasn't that hot.

If anyone follows Jeff Satur, they probably know that he's being an artist since he was 17-18 years old, when he joined the Kamikaze camp and he released his own debut song. Since then, he's been through different companies till he's found his fit with Wafer Records, which is under Warner Music Thailand.

Jeff's journey as an artist has not always been a smooth one. He even took a break of being an artist to do something else. But his turning point was when he got the role of "Kimhan" in Kinnporsche the series, making the 27 years old Thai, with English-Chinese descent, artist more well-known. Not only as an actor, but also his ability to write, produce and sing songs, allowing him to sing the OST called "Why don't you stay", which has around 38 million views on Youtube.

I invited Jeff to review his career path as an artist over the past 10 years.

"How did a guy named Jeff Satur get to have millions of views on his songs, a lot of fans and an international world tour during this year?"

I think there are a few turning points, such as Kinnporsche the series. I also learned how to self-produced my own music and I started getting involved with everything, including the lyrics and the music videos. I started to be more myself and have the courage to say yes or no. Since then everything has changed more quickly than my mind is able to process.

Like when I went to Jakarta, we stopped to see the fan project. I think I've come a long way and I feel like I'm living my dream life. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed and grateful for everything that's happened in my life.

"Are you a dreamer?"

I am a dreamer, but there are moments when we can'd dream any longer. You know, dreams and hopes are the same thing. If you're disappointed, you better stop dreaming and start thinking what you can or can't do. You don't have to do big things to be happy, just having a hobby is enough. At the end of the day, we just work for money.

There was a time when I felt very unhappy, I felt like I was just living a life, so at that time, I found my way out by writing a blog. I'm a person who has to tell something all the time, probably because my mom used to tell me stories before going to sleep and sing songs to me. I've heard/watch so many stories through cartoons, anime, and movies, and now I'm able to tell my own. I'm glad I didn't stop doing it (telling stories) even if I stopped dreaming.

"Who did you get the storytelling from?"

My dad is a businessman who's very good at telling stories and knows how to tell stories in a fun way. But my mom is the one who always tell us stories, like little things every day. She also likes to ask us questions after we watch a movie, like what we think about the story and stuff. She took part in making us critical thinkers.

"At this moment, what kind of things you are able to handle and what things you're not able to handle well enough?

What I can control is that I enjoy the concerts very much, even though at first I didn't have enough experience. But as soon as I started to do shows, I felt myself. Even if I make mistakes, I just make fun of it because I have fun with the audience. I used to focus a lot about how things were right or wrong while I was singing, but I don't care anymore. And the things I can't control... I'm a sensitive person, so when someone is criticizing you or try to take advantage of you... I don't like that. Why do they speak bad of me? I just want to work and be happy, I just want to meet good people and talk about good things.

"But it's inevitable because you're starting to get famous"

Yes, it's inevitable. But it's important to surround yourself with people who like and understand your work. Don't put yourself in a place where you shouldn't be, put yourself in a place where you belong and you and your value is recognized.

"Are you worried because your success came very quickly?"

I prepare my mind all the time. "What if everything suddenly disappear tomorrow? Will I be able to live?" Because there are so many examples of famous people whose fame have vanished and they couldn't live. The most important thing is that I'm enjoying my work and the fame has no value to me. I'm satisfied with my work and the pieces I'm releasing so even if I lose my fame, the pieces will remain. I'm just happy to know that my stories won't disappear even if I'm not famous anymore. Nothing will be different.

I don't think everyone has to listen to my music and praise me for doing good music. That's what my mother taught me since i was a kid. I just want people to listen to my music and feel happy. Don't be so depressed because life is so short, only 4.000 weeks. For those who are listening to my music or reading this article, don't put yourself on misery. Get yourself out of there.

"So, what's makes you happy at this moment?"

My happiness is being able to sing and produce music, or even doing a photoshoot. Every job I do is telling a different story. I enjoy exploring everything I do. No matter what kind of job it is but seeing how my work change people's lives is really inspiring. I read it on twitter and through fan letters all the time. Some people were depressed or suffering, they didn't love themselves or they were afraid to go out alone, but my work gave them the courage to love themselves and love others more. That makes me wake up every morning and keep working.

"Do you think your work can change people's lives?"

I think art has that power, not necessarily my work but in general. Even the darkest job has the power to inspire depending on the person who consumes it. In the same way some movies can change our lives, I belie my music, my lyrics, even the series I do can change someone's life.

"What are your sources to find material for your stories?

I like to ask very strange questions. Have you ever played a ROV game? (Jeff turns to me). Some of the sentences that the game says are "the wind is strong", but we can't see/feel it. We realized the wind is strong because the images, the dots and some colors.

"There was a time when you decided to stop being an artist. What happened?

At that time I was 25 years old and I felt I was already too old for this field. If it was any other type of work, I wouldn't be considered old at all but I had been doing this for 7-8 years already and it wasn't working out so I had to accept it and go out and do something else. I was willing to do something I didn't like till the moment I could do what I liked.

At that time I was just making music, and I wrote on my blog, but I was starting to get worried about the future, and if I would be able to live without problems. I felt like I had a lot of pressure around me so I decided to give up. But in the end, I couldn't escape my happiness because I'm a storyteller. At first, I intended to create a website and even open an ad business, but it turned to be an inspirational website (laughs). It's like our dreams take us back to what we love till one day you close your eyes and it's right there, so just enjoy everything in the meantime.

"It must have been a lot of pressure on yourself to have success at the age of 25"

So much pressure (high pitched voice). I remember I was watching Mad Men at that time, which is about an ad agency, and I couldn't enjoy it because I was comparing myself and I felt like I hadn't accomplished anything yet. I was trying to convince myself it was just work but in the end, it didn't work.

"What did you discover from the show"

I understood that there's nothing I can't do, I'm just have to be open-minded and practice. The only obstacle we have is ourselves. I think you can do it if you step forward.

"Just a moment ago, you gave an interview to the GQ's video team and you described yourself as a weird person. I'm curious to know who weird you are"

I think I have a weird though process. When I was studying, I often failed my exams because I usually interpreted the question in a different way than it should. Also, I'm a person who likes to ask questions. I don't have a religion but I like to read books related to religion just to ask myself questions. What does it mean to live on this planet? What is God? What does it mean to have knowledge?

"If you don't have a religion, what do you believe in?"

I believe in God, but I don't have a religion. It isn't easy to explain. A God with no rules, nor love or hate. I believe in doing good things. If we have goodwills, they will lead us to the right direction no matter what. If our thoughts are wrong, they'll lead us to the wrong places.

"You used to dislike acting. What made you change your mind?"

Jeff: I didn't like my face on camera. I felt like I didn't look good and someone else should be doing that job. However, I decided to try. I ignored things and tried whatever was there for me. I found out that when I opened my mind to it, it was like opening the world. It’s also another type of storytelling too.

"Do you think you can say you have achieved success?

I think it's just matter of time. If I do a good work, then the focus on the work will come eventually, Last year was just the first step, and I'm excited about what's coming next. I think it's because I'm enjoying everything I'm doing, but I still feel like I have a long way ahead.

"You once said in an interview that "Getting lost was part of the journey". Have you found the right path?

I don't know (thinking). The funny thing about this journey is that I don't know what will happen next. I don't even know if I'm lost right now. I'm just following my guts. I feel like I'm on the right path and what's happening is the right thing for me. It's important to be yourself, in front of the camera but also outside, at least 80% yourself. That's the right way to be here.

"Throughout the ten years of being an artist, what have you learned?"

Be yourself. Don't try to be someone else. No one can be you better than yourself. If you have a skill, stay where you are. One day you will succeed without giving up, but there will be moments of suffering. Let's say you have to wash a thousand dishes. Just think about washing one plate at a time. Do it one by one and one day, you will find out you finish it. It's like reaching the destination you set. Just don't give up and lose happiness about your passion.

"Your lowest and/or heaviest moment in life?"

I don't have many. If something doesn't work, I just move on. I never cry over what happened even if it was my dream of being an artist. But I did cry over not good people who like to hurt other people's feelings. Probably because I'm a storyteller so I'm always sensitive to things like this. If someone hurts me, It will stay with me for a while but I'll go through it. I would say even successful people have a point where they're down or suffer, the important thing is how you choose to deal with it. For me, I will choose to talk to myself and write songs.

"You can write lyrics, produce songs and sing them too, what's the difference with other people who only sing?"

I do everything myself. It's the easiest way not to wait, just do it. Everything that comes out it represents me and being myself if the most important thing. I think that's my biggest strength.

"How do you normally travel?

I like to go out when I'm feeling down. It makes me happy to go to places where people don't know me. I like to walk without a destination and get lost. Let's say I want to go to a jazz bar but I take the wrong way and I get to the wrong place. I got lost but I'm happy because I got out from a familiar place. I don't like to go shopping, but I like to go to a quiet place in the countryside. Once, I went to Korea with the world tour and I went to a high place and looked out at the city view. It was very cold at night and suddenly I started crying because it's was very quiet. I felt like I hadn't live like that in a while.

"What are your plans for this year?"

Actually, I've been out of my comfort zone for a long time (laughs).

One of the things is to release my album. Also I want to do a world tour to meet my fans, but I'm sure there will be more stories along the way. Just keep tuned.

#this being a pain in the ass to translate #hahahaha #enjoy it #jeff satur #jeff interview #gq interview

[wwinterwitch]

high infidelity — jack russell

summary: the heir of ulysses bloodstone has fallen for a monster pairing: jack russell x fem!bloodstone!reader word count: 3k tags: song fic, cheating, arranged marriage, family trauma, angst and fluff, happy ending (let me know if anything else should be added!) note: inspiration came from high infidelity by taylor swift, hence the name of this fic!

a reblog and/or comment really helps me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!

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You were miserable. Having to live in a mansion all by yourself, surrounded only by employers and your horrible stepmother. Forced to be a hunter because it was expected of you from the moment you were born.

As the daughter of Ulysses Bloodstone, you had to aspire to perfection. Nothing you ever accomplished seemed to be good enough, so you always had to just do better. From a very young age, you were reminded that no accomplishment will ever be enough.

There was no escape from your inevitable destiny. It doesn't matter if you want this life or not. You had to become a hunter and you must live up to your name. Had to make your father proud. Had to prove you're truly worthy of your birthright.

And you did, especially after your older sister fled and it was only you to continue the legacy. The entire pressure on your shoulders.

Maybe you should've escaped like she did. You'd be so much happier anywhere but here, but for some reason you stayed. Motivated by the ridiculous sense of responsibility, the love you had for your father despite his many flaws, or because this life is all you've ever known...you never knew what made you stay, but you did. And now you're doomed.

No one around you is in your team. Your father is far too worried about other stuff to really care about you. Your stepmother only sees you as some sort of toy or tool, so you only ever exist when she needs something from you. Other hunters expect your downfall so they can take your place. Your sister left you behind and never tried to contact you. It's been you against the world all your life.

You found some hope and comfort, as twisted as it might sound, in the news your father shared with you over dinner just a few months before he passed away: someone was interested in asking for your hand in marriage.

Of course you hated the idea of an arranged marriage, but maybe whoever was asking to marry you could become a true partner, someone to really be there for you. It wasn't ideal, but at least you'll stop feeling alone. After years of feeling like no one was truly there, you were practically begging for someone to show the slightest interest in you. As bad as it sounds, you were just desperately trying to clung onto anyone willing to hold you.

Once again, you were met with disappointment. The only sentiment you're allowed to feel in this life, apparently.

You had to meet your soon-to-be husband at a very awkward dinner. He was very handsome and a skillful hunter, and he looked genuinely interested in you from the moment he laid eyes on you, but it was clear to you that his interest existed for all the wrong reasons. From the very first exchange, you knew that he only cares about your last name.

Still, you tried to make it work. Maybe he can be a decent partner. Maybe he changes and genuinely falls in love with you when he gets to know you. Maybe it won't be that bad.

But that mindset didn't last very long, because things are entirely different now. You can't marry him and you can't stand the idea of having to spend every single day with him. To wake up next to him, to have a family with him, to pretend you're content with your life. You don’t want to try to be okay with any of this anymore.

It's impossible to give him a chance when your heart already belongs to someone else.

Before your engagement was announced, you had the pleasure of crossing paths with Jack Russell. He attended a meeting at the mansion and you happened to meet him there. The two of you talked almost all night, exchanging glances and quick smiles whenever you weren't directly interacting.

That's how it started. That's how you met the most wonderful man in the entire world. The most caring, loving, compassionate and dedicated man. He was captivated by you the second he met you, and you finally felt like someone sees you for who you are. He was interested in you for all the right reasons, and there was no way of staying away from each other after that night.

The feeling of being around him was intoxicating. To finally discover someone who genuinely cares. It was like you were living in this terrible world where everything was dark and lacked meaning, and he was the one who brought light to even the darkest of corners.

Every second away from him was absolute torture, but since no one in your life seemed to care enough to keep track on you, it was easy to sneak behind everyone’s back and be with him. That would explain why neither of you are currently in the big hall with the rest of the hunters that your stepmother invited.

You excused yourself to go upstairs to your bedroom claiming you weren't feeling good. Not so long after, Jack casually had to answer a very important phone call that forced him to leave the room as well. Truth is, he was also making his way upstairs to your bedroom.

And right now, with his lips pressed to yours and your hands tangled in his hair, life just makes sense. It's like you're not even there until he's around. Only he has the power to make you feel like this. Like he's bringing you back to life from the torture that is being the heir of Ulysses Bloodstone.

Jack didn't care about anything that had to do with your family. His love and admiration for you is so much deeper than that. Your team of one was finally welcoming a new member that you wanted to keep next to you forever.

But even when things with Jack were incredible, you often found yourself still feeling miserable because you really want things to be different. It's him the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. You want to be the one he looks for in a crowded room. You want to be the one he holds close at night. You want to be his reason why life's worth living.

You don't want to be a leader, or a hunter, or an heir. Jack was able to change your entire perspective when it came to hunting, showing you just how mistaken you were about 'monsters'. Now, the mere idea of hunting makes you sick to your stomach.

Needless to say, it was quite a shock to find out you had fallen for a werewolf. It was almost ironic, in fact. He trusted you with his secret almost immediately, wanting you to know all there is about him from the start. The fact that he immediately trusted a secret like that to a Bloodstone proved just how much he didn't care about your upbringing. He knew you were one of the good ones, that was unlucky enough to be surrounded by bad guys, forced to learn to behave like one because that's all you knew. Evidently, you never broke that trust and you kept his secret.

Still, it was a very big confession that he just threw your way barely fazed by the caliber of his words. Only when he noticed your expression, he looked worried– scared, even. He'd always get insecure about this side of him, so he immediately feared you were going to push him away.

"I'm sorry, I–" Jack tried, hoping to be able to reason with you. "I just did what I thought was right. I don't want secrets between us."

"I...I just don't understand. Aren't you a hunter?" was all you had to say. "I mean, how is that possible?"

"Was my acting that good?" he tried to joke, just to make the situation less awkward. "I'm not a hunter. Never was, never will be."

It was very strange at first. You never saw it coming, though you appreciated the fact that he was so open about it and willing to tell you right away despite the dangers that came with it.

And you could practically hear the cries of horror coming from your family because you didn't try to kill him the second he revealed he's a werewolf. Your father was probably rolling in his grave because his successor is fraternizing with the enemy (and doing a lot more than just basic cordiality). They'd probably kill you too if they ever find out about this.

Not like you care much about consequences, anyway. Not when you have Jack by your side. Nothing else matters compared to him. And if anyone tries to hurt him, you'll do whatever it takes to keep him safe.

You were extremely grateful that he was there to show you an entirely new perspective. He introduced you to many of his friends, all of them much friendlier than all the hunters you've met (a statement that definitely includes your family too). Your eyes were open to a new reality and it made you realize the true monsters are the ones staring back at you every single day. Your fiancée, your stepmother, the large portrait of your father staring down at you from above the large fireplace in the living room.

But worst of all was realizing that there was also a monster staring back at you whenever you were standing in front of the mirror.

"This is horrible," you had commented once. It was only you and Jack walking across the forest. The two of you just visited a few of Jack's friends. that were attacked by hunters a few days ago and decided to hide for a little while. "They're trying to live their lives and we're out here hunting them just because we feel like it? Because someone said they're dangerous and we just ran with it? It's not fair."

"You're not like the others," he reminded you. "Even they can tell."

"Yeah, but I used to be," you sighed, wishing you could just turn back time. "I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, Jack. Things you'd hate me for, and you have all the right to."

Jack forced you to stop walking, gently grabbing your hand to turn you around so you could look at him. His eyes were as soft as ever as he stared back at you. "You have the kindest heart I've ever known, mi amor. It was you who told me not to let my killings define me because I don't know any better, and right now I think you should listen to your own words," he finished with a sympathetic smile.

You barely nodded, guilt and regret still eating you from the inside, your mind filled with all of these memories of who you used to be. "I'm so sorry..." you muttered as Jack immediately pulled you in for a hug. "I'm so sorry..." you repeated, wrapping your arms around him.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay..." he says in a gentle voice, trying his best to comfort you. "You were willing to see things in a new perspective and now you've changed. That's all that matters."

From that day on, you swore things will change when and if you take over. No more ruthless hunting, just when and if it's necessary. Just when there's really a beast that needs to be stopped, and even then maybe killing them is too much. There's got to be a much humane way of dealing with them.

It was unclear how you'd be able to make that happen but, again, with Jack by your side you feel pretty invincible.

Unfortunately, Jack couldn't stay upstairs with you for too long. You laid in bed, still thinking about him. His lips exploring your neck and his hands eagerly roaming over your body. He left just a few minutes ago but you already miss him like you haven't seen him in decades. It was getting harder not to be around him whenever you want, making you think to yourself as you lay there just how long you'll be able to pretend this hunter lifestyle isn't slowly killing you.

The next day was pretty uneventful. If you closed your eyes long enough, you could still feel Jack's hands gripping your hips and listen to his whispers as he verbalized his love for you in the forms of "you're beautiful", "I could stay here with you forever" and "when did I get so lucky?".

You were so lost in your thoughts that you barely noticed your fiancée walking inside the room you were in. Suddenly, the book you were holding was the most important thing as you tried to act like you were reading instead of daydreaming.

"Feeling better today?" he asks, a hint of venom in his words. You figured he was just a little upset because you left to go to bed early, which is not what ‘the heir’ should do.

"Yes, a lot better. Thank you," you replied, looking up at him to give him a fake smile before looking back down at your book. Despite thinking that was the end of that, he stood in front of you, forcing you to look up again. "Is there something else I can help you with?" you asked, a little irritated that he's just standing there staring at you.

He looked more frustrated than ever. "I'd appreciate it if you could just tell me the truth for once, you know?"

Your stomach dropped, but tried to act like you had no idea what he was talking about. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He scoffed almost immediately. "You really think I'm that stupid? That I don't see the way he looks at you? Or how you two are always sneaking around behind everyone's back every chance you get?"

To say you were surprised would be an understatement. He knows? Oh, of course he knows, how could he not? But still, you wonder...how long has he known about you and Jack?

Before you could even ask, your partner spoke again. "I know you're seeing him. I know you're with him when you claim to go out on a 'hunting trip'. I know he gave you that necklace you always wear. I know you always run to him whenever you have the chance." You sat there in front of him completely speechless, which only encouraged him to continue. "What, you're not even gonna try to deny it?"

There was a quick pause.

"You said you wanted me to tell you the truth," was your cryptic reply, shrugging.

"So you are seeing him."

"Would it make any difference if I try to convince you otherwise?"

"Not really, but it'd be nice to know that you care at least a little about me– about us."

"Us?” you immediately say, almost as if the word was insulting to hear. “There is no us, don't you see?"

He gave you a look that showed you exactly how hurt he was, but after all this time knowing him, you couldn't shake off the feeling that he's not exactly hurting because he's realizing he completely lost you. He just lost his prize. "I loved you. I've been trying to make this work for both of us."

Perhaps he didn't even realize how much you were hurting while being in this arrangement, and he probably hasn't realized he's been loving you the wrong way.

"You really think something good could ever come out of this? I knew you were going to be my husband before I even met you in person. Can't you see how fucked up that is? We've been forced into this, there's no way love– true love, can grow in these circumstances."

"So you had to run to him?" he snapped. "He showed you what 'true love' is? Is that it? He gave you everything I never will?"

"Why are we even doing this?" you snapped, getting frustrated. "Do you really want to know every little detail there is about me and Jack?"

"I think I've noticed enough," he replied. "I can't believe you were capable of this."

"Well, sorry for not living up to the idea you made up in your head when you decided you wanted to marry me."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Did you ask my father to marry me because you actually wanted me, or was it because I was the easy way of accessing the Bloodstone legacy? Right now, to this day, the idea of permanently joining this family isn't one of the many reasons why you're here?" you confronted him, and obviously he didn't have much to say. "Haven't you been silent about me and Jack all this time just so you don't risk losing your place here?"

He didn't speak after that, so you stood up from your seat and walked closer to him. "I'm not proud of the way this unfolded, but Jack's the only person that has ever made me feel like I'm worth something beyond my last name and I deeply love him. What we have is the most precious thing I have right now, and I can't give that up."

His eyes traveled down to your hands when he noticed you were taking off your ring. You never really liked it anyway. Your stepmother picked it for you. Oh, how you absolutely despise that woman.

"Here," you continue as you hand him the ring, which he accepted with a perplexed expression. "You can have this, the mansion, the leadership, absolutely everything you wanted. I'm done trying to pretend like that's what I want."

"What are you doing?" he finally asks, turning to look at you as you're about to leave the room.

"I quit, basically," you say nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. To all the hunters out there it might be, but you couldn't care any less about this anymore.

He thankfully didn't stop you as you walked out of the room, still feeling the adrenaline rushing through your body. Did you really just say that? It wasn't one of those rants you do all by yourself? Those little moments you take to daydream of what it would be like to not be here living this life?

No. This is real. You're finally free.

With the biggest smile on your face, you rushed upstairs to gather your things and stuff them in suitcases as fast as you could, already starting to picture what freedom will be like. Just you and Jack, saving innocent creatures from the hunters, sharing your love for one another without anything standing in the way. You just couldn't wait to tell him about this.

#jack russell #jack russell x reader #jack russell x fem!reader #jack russell fic #werewolf by night #werewolf by night fic #mcu x reader #mcu fic

[serpentandthreads]

[Pick a Card] What path are you currently walking?

This pick a card reading will answer the question "What path are you currently walking?" Pick a door, and see what waits for you on the other side.

As you go into this keep in mind that pick a card readings are made for a large, generalized audience and not all messages will apply to you. If they do, excellent. If they don't, that's perfectly fine.

From Left to Right: Blue Door with Pink Flowers; Pink Door with Pink & White Flowers; Grey Door with Purple Flowers

Pile One: Blue Door w/ Pink Flowers

Cards: Ace of Wands; Five of Wands (rv); Five of Swords (rv); Butterfly & Snowdrop "Hope"

Those who pick this pile are dealing with conflict right now. This conflict will be different for everybody, but it feels like most of you are dealing with conflict within yourself. You've been struggling for some time, but beyond this door is change. To go through with this change, you're going to have to come clean with yourself: some of you were probably contributing to the problem, or enabling it.

You're going to need to reflect on yourself for a little while. Ask yourself questions such as "How could I have handled this situation better?" "Why have I been procrastinating for so long?" "What do I need to do to resolve the current problem?"

It's okay to say you're sorry, that you were wrong or that you could have handled things better. It's hard, but you can do it. Some of you would be saying this to a person, but a lot of you would be saying this to yourself. Try to be gentle with yourself while you process things. You've still got a little ways to go before you can open this door, but it'll be worth the wait.

A Song for Your Journey: "Like A Villain" by Bad Omens

Pile Two: Pink Door w/ Pink & White Flowers

Cards: Six of Swords; Five of Wands; Four of Swords; Coyote & Datura "Deceit"

Those who pick this pile are in for a ride. It seems those of you who pick this pile will be dealing with conflict, but it hasn't happened yet (or it is only just starting). The first thing you need to know: this conflict, for most of you, involves other people... and it was inevitable. Many of you have been lied to and manipulated, and you're recognizing that now. This situation is probably gonna hurt, but you'll heal from it with time.

This pile is full of people who are generous and loving, so I want to be transparent about something. Don't let this situation change that about you. There will always be shitty people coming in and out of your life, but you don't have to change yourself because of that. Figure out what your boundaries are and be honest about them.

Beyond this door is chaos, but it was needed for you to see what the truth is. Chances are most of you will be parting ways with those involved, but I promise it will be for the better. They never deserved you in the first place. Practice some self care, darling. It's overdue.

A Song for Your Journey: "Granite" by Sleep Token

Pile Three: Grey Door w/ Purple Flowers

Cards: The Star; Eight of Cups; Four of Wands; Otter & Cattail "Peace"

This pile was a breath of fresh air. Those of you who pick this pile are making peace with something and moving on. This pile has been going through a difficult period. Many of you have been feeling stuck in the past and maybe a little bit self-doubting. Y'all are too sweet for all that mess. You can't change the past but you can decide to grow from it.

I want those who pick this pile, starting now, to focus on improving your self-esteem. Y'all don't deserve to live with constant doubt and uncertainty forever; especially when you've already dealt with the consequences of your actions.

Find peace within yourself, and start enjoying your life. The longer you sit with your own self-pity, the longer you delay progress. The door is right there, so open it. Progress will look different for everybody but even the smallest steps count.

A Song for Your Journey: "Bloody Mary" by Lady Gaga

Decks Used: The Forager's Daughter Tarot & The Woodland Wardens Oracle

Enjoyed the reading? Maybe leave a tip on my ko-fi?

#Spotify #pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot #tarot reading #divination #serpentandthreads

[elminx]

Energy Update: Eclipsed black moon 29° Aries, 4/20/23 (EDT)

When we look at the upcoming solar eclipse in Aries, we can see a number of things:

at 29 degrees (the last degree of the sign), this lunar event will strongly affect anybody with a personal planet within 5 degrees (so 24 - 04°) of any of the three boundaries between Fire and Earth signs in the horoscope wheel.

When fire meets earth we are always taking action towards the accumulation of physical things, this will be a very tangible alignment that will be physically present in the "real world"

Both the Sun and Moon will be in conjunction with our North Node which is sitting at 04° Taurus and making an ascending out-of-element trine to Saturn in Pisces - Saturn and our North Node will meet in an exact trine with one another the day before the eclipse (4/19)

The very next day, Mercury will station retrograde and begin to move backward at 15° Taurus

Our lunar Eclipse on 5/5 will take place at 14° Taurus and happen in conjunction with Mercury, reinforcing the message that Mercury's journey is a part of this puzzle here

Additionally, our moon is considered a "Black Moon" because it is the second new moon in Aries in a row - the original new moon was at 00° Aries on 3/21. Whereas a Blue Moon (two full moons in the same sign in a row) was considered to be lucky, the Black moon is somewhat maligned.

This will be the first solar eclipse in Aries in 18 years and will foreshadow much of what is to come when the lunar nodes transition from Taurus-Scorpio into Aries-Libra on 7/23.

It was a /drumroll TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN!

Sort of.

This type of solar eclipse is the rarest of all, known as a Hybrid eclipse which means that it shares the characteristics both of a total solar eclipse and an annual solar eclipse. It will be visible over parts of Australia and will happen during the night for those of us that live in North America. This Hybrid Black Moon eclipse is what is astrologically known as a double whammy (coined, so far as I know, by Stephen Arroyo) as we are experiencing two unusual events (the hybrid type and the black moon) on top of the unpredictable eclipse energy. This will supercharge the eclipse energy and make the events surrounding feel even more liminal.

But wait. There's more.

This eclipse is sitting in the well of Mercury's retrograde cycle as Mercury will retrograde a mere 27 hours and 59 minutes after the moment that the eclipse peaks. Normally the Sun overshadows Mercury by a lot - but that's the thing about the eclipse. A solar eclipse disrupts the energy of the Sun. For a certain amount of time, sunlight doesn't fall upon our planet because the moon blocks its light.

All eyes should be on Mercury, the Traveller, because they own this day. Without the sunlight to keep away the darkness, we are about to get dragged deep down the Low Road. It is time but if you are not comfortable with the widdershins path, the left-handed road, the Underdark - you need to be prepared.

The eclipses, by their very nature, draw you into the dark. Mercury's retrogrades, by their very nature, draw you into the dark. When you look at the mythos of Mercury - especially through his mantle as Hermes - you begin to understand. Hermes was one of the only gods to ever walk into Hades and then leave afterward.

Read that sentence again.

Mercury retrograde + Eclipse Season is Death walking. This shouldn't be a terrifying idea but in a culture that hides from the great inevitability, I know that it is for many. This is a time to check in with your Others who might not have a great relationship with death. It's likely to get really hard, and really low for some. If that's you, gather your resources early and make a plan to care for yourself through this.

Emotions are going to be all over the place. An Aries moon is hyperreactive and prone to fits of rage. The other side of an eclipse season will be a Scorpio moon which is not much better. It's worth noting that both ends of this eclipse cycle are ruled by Mars, our planet of action. What are you fighting for? Are you on the right side of this conflict? Something has got to end. That's fine by Aries, a sign that would rather just keep moving than sit around and try to mend fences. But Scorpio is deeply personal and very caught up in the mirror palace that we call nostalgia. We may find ourselves trying to let go and then being pulled back in as these next two weeks unfold. Scorpio has a vindictive side, too, so watch out. A bunch of Somebodies are going to be out for blood. Here we need to meld the ways to mitigate or tolerate eclipse energy with those that we would use for Mercury retrograde energy.

Check your work twice. Reread that email before you hit send. Save often (before you have to). Those work well with the eclipse wisdom that you need to pay attention. These next weeks it is highly ill-advised to check out in your own life. I say this very lovingly to those that learned to disassociate as a coping mechanism - stay present with yourself through this. Eclipse season is the important stuff.

It's not going to feel comfortable. There are going to be misunderstandings. Let's all work a little bit to keep them from becoming wars. Step away from your ego if you can.

The Sun will enter Taurus almost immediately after the solar eclipse where it will remain for the rest of the eclipse season. Don't be bullheaded.

Yeah, I'm looking at you. The energy is going to feel like too much. People are going to be really in it. Remember that you cannot control them, you can only control what you do with what is happening around you.

This is a time to withdraw from the mass of collective energy and focus on yourself. Take a social media break, or go camping out in the woods. Grounding out excess energy in your body can help a lot - water is always really useful for dissipating energy.

The next two weeks are a great time to go to the lake, the river, the beach, or that favorite waterfall. It's a great time to rent a cabin in the woods, unplug, and write a book. It's a great time to connect with death deities and spirits of all kinds as the doors are always open during Mercury's retrograde cycles and the eclipses will heighten this energy. It is the perfect time for divination, pathfinding, or shadow work.

It is considered somewhat ill-advised to perform spellwork during eclipses that does not relate specifically to eclipse energy. Take that with a grain of salt. If you enjoy eclipse energy and find it to be an amazing wellspring of power, work that magic. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't. Just be aware that eclipse magic is always wild magic and things rarely manifest in the way that you expect them to. That can be used to your advantage. There probably won't be any killer plants, but you never know.

The bottom line here is that you need to stay aware of yourself and take care of yourself over the next two weeks. That is going to mean something different for everybody.

I'm making myself a large batch of fruity tulsi tea and hoping for the best.

Do you like my work? You can support me by Buying me a Ko-Fi or purchasing a commissioned astrology report.

#astrology #transits #words #mine #April 2023 #May 2023 #eclipse season #Mercury retrograde #black moon #solar eclipse #hybrid eclipse #solar eclipse in Aries #lunar eclipse in Scorpio

[bambimargera]

Hell or Helsinki (Bam x Ville)

Bam finds out his girlfriend has been cheating on him and decides he needs to get away to clear his head.

prt. 1 of ?

contains: crying, drinking, slight smut

~♡~♡~

“I know dude, I’m so sorry..” Novak tried as hard as he could to keep Bam from exploding, having learned from past experiences that the rowdy skateboarder doesn’t typically handle bad news with grace. “I thought it would be best if you heard it from a friend, and not some stupid tabloid..” The blondes concern continued, watching with caution as Bam paced around his room frantically throwing a few things in his bag. “You could do way better than her any-“

“I fucking know i can, that’s why i can’t believe she would cheat!” Bam interrupted and threw a shirt at Novak, taking little effort to knock him down onto the bed. “I’m leaving, don’t follow me.” He warned, slamming the door of the bedroom behind him. His stomps echoed through the castle, alerting everyone that something was wrong. “Bam! Bam where are you going in such a hurry?!” April yelled as she ran towards the front door, hoping to block his path before he would inevitably do something stupid. Bam stomped down the stairs to stand in front of her, his eyes glossy and bloodshot. “Hell or Helsinki, I’ll figure it out.” He grabbed April by the shoulders and moved her out of the way to fling open the door, leaving without so much of goodbye. “Bam take your jacket! Please call when you get to where you’re going! We love you!” April yelled into the snowy sunrise, watching as Bam wasted no time in zooming off in his Lamborghini.

~♡~♡~

The snow against his face felt like an attack from a million frozen little bees. Bam was warned by many flight attendants to be careful once they landed, Helsinki had just been hit with the worst snow storm of the season. The street lights illuminated the blowing snow like billions of frozen confetti pieces under a spotlight. Bam didn’t care, he needed to be in the arms of someone who understood about him better than anyone else. He trudged though the snow in his frozen sneakers, sinking deeper into self hatred as he thought about the parka he had basically thrown back in April’s face before leaving. Bam stopped and attempted to read the street signs; wishing he would’ve brushed up on his Finnish, he trekked on. His grey blazer was throughly soaked and caked with snow, ‘just make it to the hotel’ he thought.

Bam walked for what felt like hours in the storm, all of his exposed skin turning a bright shade of purplish red. How much further could it possibly be? He asked himself as he sat down on the stairs of a beautiful antique stone building to collect his thoughts. Bam knew he couldn’t sit for long, he was cold and only getting colder- he needed to get to that hotel. If only he had remembered his phone, he could’ve called Ville. If only he hadn’t of turned down the coat from his mom, he’d probably be further away from hypothermia. Maybe he did deserve to get cheated on, he was the worst boyfriend ever. Just like that, the all consuming negative thoughts came crashing down. Thoughts of giving up completely and retreating into a snow bank for a long nap crossed his mind. Bam didn’t even try to hold it back anymore, and let himself sob as the snow blasted all around him. The tears stung his cheeks, freezing before they could even complete their journey of rolling off of his chin.

“Bam? Bam is that you?!” Bam Instantly recognized the voice, and his swollen doe eyes squinted around to get a glimpse through the snow; nobody there. He put his head back into his hands and began to cry even harder, was he so crazy he was just hearing voices now?? Bam was a mess.

“Get up dummy! You’re gonna die out here!” Ville shouted out the window of a black Audi that had been hidden through the thick sheets of falling snow, and motioned for the crying skater to join him. Bam’s head shot up like a deer in head lights, and he slowly got up and waddled his way to the passenger side door. Ville studied the smaller mans movements with concern as he settled himself in the seat, his face was nearly blue and stained with frozen tears. The pair didn’t say a word to each other as Ville began to drive down the road, and the pent up negative energy in Bam was begging to be unleashed. Ville had been furious with Bam, searching and calling for hours with no answer had made every fibre in his body anxious. He didn’t expect to find his friend in this state, and really didn’t want to set him off any further.

Bam had locked his gaze out the side window, attempting to hide his pathetic break down from Ville. He softly wiped his cheek and sniffled quietly, the emotions working their way back up the poor mans throat. “Do.. do you wanna talk about what happened? You know you can tell me anything buddy.” Ville’s soft voice was nearly a whisper, hoping to chip away at the obvious walls Bam had put up around himself. “No!” The skater barked, “I just got off a 10 hour fucking flight, my fucking girlfriend is cheating on me, and i forgot my phone!” The hot tears began streaming down his face and he collapsed into his hands. Ville screeched the car to a stop and pulled to the side of the empty road, instinctively placing a hand on Bam’s knee to comfort him. “Am I a bad person? I.. I don’t know anymore.. Is this karma for being a bad person? Ville I’ve never been in so much pain in my life..” Ville’s eyes widened in shock, completely gobsmacked to discover these dark thoughts that Bam was having, it was so unlike him. “I need a drink. Take me to the drinks.” Bam’s voice was strangely monotone as he attempted to compose himself, his face almost fully thawed. Ville smiled softly and pulled back onto the road towards the hotel.

~♡~♡~

“Something strong that doesn’t taste like ass!” Bam yelled towards the bar as he trudged his way to the back, taking off and tossing his jacket deep into a booth. The waitresses all stopped and stared at Ville as he sheepishly walked up towards the bar, hoping he would clarify what his grumpy friend had shouted at them.

“Luckily, they were out of ass juice. I got us double vodka pineapples.” Ville smiled as he slid into the open end of the booth, sliding the glass over to the sulking skater. Bam grunted, meaning ‘thanks’, and chugged the entire glass and threw it across the bar sending broken glass shards everywhere. The entire bar got quiet, shattered glass littering the floor. “What?! Mind your own business you fucks!” Bam screamed at no in in particular, attempting to shimmy out of the booth. Panicked, Ville grabbed Bam’s hand and held him at the table. “Bam please, relax. We can drink as much as you want, as long as you don’t get us kicked out!” He chuckled as he looked Bam over with a mixture of worry and pity, and began softly rubbing his hand with his thumb.

A waitress brought over another round of drinks and shots, hoping that liquoring up the pair would calm the smaller one down. Bam instantly downed his drink and the shot like water, and slammed the glasses down on the table. He sighed for a moment and looked down at the contrast between his small hand in the large Finnish mitt. “Fuck me.” Bam declared, locking eyes with Ville. “What?!” The taller man choked, completely caught off guard. “I want you, to fuck me. Rail me into the headboard, break my fucking back- use me... please, i want to feel desirable to someone that cares about me..” The drunken desperation became more evident in every word, Ville sipped his drink and thought of how he could politely let his already hurt friend down gently. Bam didn’t appreciate this silence, and leaned over the table to get closer to Villes face. “Y’know..” He stuttered, “I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to be came in..” Bam whispered just centimetres from Villes face, obnoxiously breathing in his scent.

Ville audibly swallowed his anxiety. “Bam you’re drunk, and you’re in pain.. We should just get you up to bed and safe.” Ville’s deep voice rattled as he worked up the courage to meet the pained blue eyes, still batting their eyelashes only inches from his face. “I think you’re just scared you’d fall in love with me..” Bam smirked and he threw himself back down in the booth. Ville was almost relived that the drunken flirting had ceased, he knew he would give in eventually if it was kept up. He took a few gulps of his drink until he felt fingers delicately walking up his thigh; and looked down to see Bam under the table eagerly looking up at him. Ville grabbed Bam’s hand and pulled him up to sit on his lap, deeply embarrassed of how Bam was behaving in such a nice place. “You don’t have to beg me baby, be careful what you wish for.. Now, get your ass upstairs.” Ville whispered into the crook of Bam’s neck, feeling him shiver with every word. Bam smiled and drunkenly hopped out of the booth and hobbled towards the door, “Charge 210 babe!” Ville followed the wobbly skater on his quest to the elevator and tried his hardest to contain a laugh; they were in room 417.

~♡~♡~

To be continued~

#expect heavy smut next #bam #bam margera #ville #ville valo #cky #HIM #cky smut #him smut #bam margera smut #ville valo smut #novak #brandon novak smut #jackass #jackass smut

[lossie92]

I'm working on Cranes and that fic just got longer again, though thankfully I know I can finally cap it at 6 chapters and not be tempted to add more.

Also, I can officially confirm there will be a very spicy scene in this fic 🙃

The below is the first few paragraphs of chapter 5, which I'm editing rn.

Hope you enjoy!

-

To be honest Madara hadn’t spent much of his time envisioning all the little moments he could potentially experience if, by some miracle, Tobirama ever returned his affections. In fact, he had considered such thoughts to be fanciful and rather pointless. Expecting anything good to come out of what he had at some point started to subconsciously think about as hapless love was a path that led straight into heartbreak and his heart was already fractured. It was difficult to say whether it could possibly handle another blow.

Having Tobirama agree to walk him home, their hands brushing every so often and the tension between them growing with each step they took, was more than he could have ever hoped for.

He didn't know why lovely, beautiful Tobirama would do that. The reason why the omega stepped closer instead of moving away once they made it to Madara’s house or why he kissed him of his own volition, breath hitching and his hands trembling where they were fisted in Madara’s kendogi was a complete surprise as well. A pleasant one, sure, but a surprise nevertheless.

Apparently – miraculously – Madara might have been wrong to dismiss the possibility of a relationship between them and he had trouble wrapping his head around that.

In many ways it felt like a dream come true. 

Madara could feel the warmth radiating off of the omega’s body and the cool flow of his chakra; could smell his sweet flowery scent, which deepened the longer they kissed, indicating not only contentment, but tentative arousal as well. It was beyond heavenly and better than anything he could have envisioned.

The kiss didn’t last for long. It was relatively chaste too, but all the same Madara found himself breathless in the aftermath, his heart beating wildly when Tobirama didn’t move away immediately afterwards, choosing to press their foreheads together instead. The intimacy of this moment was undeniable and though Madara had no idea where it was all coming from, he couldn’t help how happy it made him, the elation threatening to make him burst into tears.

The words “We need to talk” took him by surprise, though he should have seen them coming. Loathe as he was to let fear rule him now, to allow it to ruin this little bit of unexpected happiness, it was inevitable. 

Good things never lasted long, did they?

"Talk," he repeated after Tobirama, trying to keep his tone even, which wasn't an easy fit. "Talk about what?"

“I know you,” Tobirama all but blurted out, his face heating up in a fierce blush, the reason for it likely embarrassment. Then he swallowed before looking up, a strange sort of determination in the set of his jaw as he continued, “I know it’s you. I know you were the one to... to leave the flowers. To bring me the gifts. I know.”

#mdtb #madatobi #madara #tobirama #cranes verse #uncle madara au #a/b/o au #wip #naruto #naruto founders #naruto fanfiction #lossie writes

[certifiedbitch777]

New Year, New Me?

Entry Date: 2/2/2024

I am currently 23 years old. The age I always hear carries the most tribulations for our early 20s, which has pretty much been my pain point as I have no idea what I'm doing in life.

Shocking, I know, right?

Before I got my current corporate job, I had so much passion. I want to try out everything in life. I wanted to be a writer, dancer, singer, actor, psychologist - Shit, I even tried to do IT because why the fuck not? I had so much energy and drive I felt like I could conquer the world. And yet, here I am now, and I have no passion, interest, or drive. I'm literally just floating in life right now, not knowing what the fuck to do next.

I'm in survival mode, to be honest. The only thing that is hardwired into my brain is the goal of getting this shmoney.

Despite all this, I still feel lazy since I have no ambition for anything outside of money. My mind is plagued by what I should and shouldn't do and all I can land on is 'I don't fucking know :|'. 

Regardless of this unclarity and lack of ambition, I only want a clear sense of direction. I want to get going already, but I don't know what steps to take. Again, I understand I'm only 23 years old, but still. I need that clarity to take action on a path I know I will be satisfied with, but once again IDFK.

There's no way around this phase at this point; It's inevitable. The only thing I guess I can implement is going on a deep assessment of my life (once again) and reviewing what is and isn't working for me. I've just been avoiding doing this because it is tiring and tedious.

Fuck, maybe I'm just being lazy.

I mean, tbh, it isn't fun; It just sounds like a load of work.

Damn, I think I'm lazy...

I mean, they say it takes 30 to 60 days to break a habit. I'll start looking into my bad habits and see what I can get out of that. 

Here's a list of my current shitty habits that I'll be challenging:

Sleeping before or at midnight: My sleep schedule is terrible for a variety of reasons, but I want to start sleeping before midnight to practice better sleeping habits. For reference, I typically stay up until 3am despite working in the morning.

Waking up before 8am: Okay, so this is mainly to be able to study for my permit (Yes, I'm 23 and don't know how to drive. Who's gonna check me??) and work out. This will also allow me downtime after work (5pm).

Consistent Oral Hygiene: Okay, before y'all supposedly clean freaks call me gross, I'm not saying I don't brush my teeth. I do, and twice a day at that, along with using my Therabreath mouthwash. I just need to be consistent with flossing, specifically at night. I've been getting better at it, but I want to implement it into my daily routine.

Taking Daily Medications: I suck at consistently taking my mood stabilizers, as it just makes me feel dreary and sleepy throughout the day. Since I stopped taking it consistently, my mood hasn't been the best. Needless to say, I'm not gonna do that anymore.

Working Out: I've been athletic for as long as I can remember. However, in recent years, I've been on and off and want to get back to having a snatched waist with a phat dumpy. I'm already comfortable with my current size, but to be back in shape wouldn't hurt. I think I'll be sharing my journey with pictures every so often so that you guys can have a realistic peek into my journey.

Eating Habits: I need to eat healthier, PERIOD. I don't have the worst eating, but it's terrible for me because I'm very impulsive with food and suffer from an eating disorder. I have toggled between binging and starving myself many times in the past, so I want to try to find that sweet spot where I can eat healthily and not feel deprived to the point where I binge.

Prioritize Health: Both physical and mental. I suck at this and, at times, can let work take a toll on my everything. Last year almost broke me, and I don't want this year to be the same. I need to be happy and healthy. No comprising at all.

So yeah, that's my list. Once again, I'm just going to point out I am a lazy girl and I have terrible habits, however, I do want to make a change because I'm really tired of this loop.

I want to reach all of my financial, personal, and career goals this year so badly. The good thing is I have some steps to outline what I need to change. The challenge is pushing through to get the end result :\

Anyway, I will most likely post my initial progress for my journey for working out and do bi-weekly check-ins to track my progress.

This may sound corny, but New Year, New Me?

#new year #new year new me #new beginnings #self discovery #spirituality #self love #self ship #self journey #discovering #self discipline #growth #empowerment #struggle #workout #work in progress #black blogger #black girls of tumblr #roaring 20s #young dumb stupid #spiritual disciplines #black women #goals #new year 2024 #2024 goals #spotify

[natasha-in-space]

Mystictober Day 27 - Cat

Ray/gn! reader

Catboy Ray au goes brrr! This turned out to be way longer than expected, but what can I say? Catboys can do that to you alright.

The building of Magenta turned out to be way bigger on the inside than it initially seemed to you from the outside. Before you received your own personal key card from the Savior herself, you didn't really get the entire feel of this otherworldly place and its enormous size. Exploring these seemingly endless corridors of Magenta was slowly making your head spin with how painfully similar each new turn appeared to be when compared to the last. It felt like you were stuck in one endless hallway, not getting anywhere with time and losing sight of any distinguishing features between each area you stumbled upon. It wasn't long before you realized, that you inevitably got lost. Each new turn seemed exactly the same as the last one, and you were starting to seriously question how in the world did Ray navigate this place with such grace and precision whenever he took you out for a walk in the garden. He made it look so easy! Speaking of which... You should probably try to find him, or anyone, for that matter. You could only curse your own stupidity for not thinking about grabbing your phone with you, given your inexperience with maneuvering around this godforsaken place.

You were not allowed to visit Ray's working space, but it's not like you even knew where to find it, or how it looked like for that matter! You were stuck mindlessly wandering these long halls as a lost puppy would. You weren't sure what exactly prompted you to try and open one of the doors on your path, but it seemed like this was the right decision. Though, your immediate joy from noticing a familiar figure in a magenta suit quickly faded. You were met with a freezing cramped room, shrouded in darkness and filled with dozens of computers stacked on top of each other. You've never seen this many wires contained in one place before. Though, your attention was focused on something - or rather someone - else entirely.

To say you were shocked by the sight in front of you would be an understatement. Ray was hunched over a table, his head clenched tightly in between his hands. He was obviously in a lot of pain, judging by the rushed shaky breaths that were reaching your ears, and that he didn't even notice you standing there, gaping at him. There was something else, too.

Peeking out from under his disheveled white hair were... a pair of cat ears? And a tail curling tightly around his legs...?

Were you asleep or something!?

In any case, you hurriedly shut the door behind you so that no one else could see or hear anything that was going on in here. At least, you hoped so. You shouldn't be here in the first place!

Just in case, you desperately rubbed at your eyes, trying to discern reality from illusion, but... your measly attempt did not change anything about what you were seeing in front of you.

...what the actual hell?

"Ray?"

You slowly walked a little closer, leaning with your entire body towards the hacker and hoping to get a better look at him from a different angle. Maybe you were just seeing things wrong in this dim lighting, nothing more!

He was obviously too preoccupied with his own invisible battle, still completely oblivious to you entering the room up until the very last moment. It was the sound of his own name being pronounced by your voice reaching his ears that made him jolt abruptly in his seat, turning to look at you with a genuinely terrifying expression contorting his gentle features. He quickly jumped out of his chair, as if he wanted to run away from you on instinct, only to realize, that he was basically trapped in this very room, with you in it.

Two horrified mint eyes widened at you, and you could notice how the white fur on the long tail has fluffed out. His breath caught in his throat, as he became more and more aware of the situation he was in. Only after a little while of tense silence did Ray finally swiftly contort his tail, hiding it behind his back, and flattened both of the ears against his head, covering them with a trembling palm of his hand. "I-It's- It's not what you think it is, I swear!"

You just blinked, staring blankly at the odd situation unfolding itself in front of you.

It's rather intriguing how your utter shock at this ordeal was expressed by such an absurdly stoic facial expression on your part. It felt like your mind has decided to dull out your raging emotions to protect you.

Okay, is this... Is this really just a dream?

You kept silent, not providing any visible reaction to the actions of a panicked young man in front of you. Instead, you took a deep breath, turned your back on him, shut your eyes as tight as you could, and sharply pinched at your own arm. It's the only thing that came to your utterly confused mind at the time. A soft hiss escaped through your clenched teeth, but... when you opened your eyes again and looked back at Ray... nothing has changed at all.

Huh.

Now you had absolutely no idea how you were supposed to react to something like this, or what you could even say to him right now. So, you were left with no choice but to be as painfully frank as you possibly could with him. Now, your gaze was strictly fixed on... these bizarre new body parts of his.

How can they look so real?

"I... I don't know what you're talking about, but I can see cat ears and a tail on you."

With an effort, you looked up at his face, suddenly starting to feel weirdly afraid yourself of the implications of such a predicament. "Um... There's something wrong with me, isn't there?"

Was there some kind of hallucinogen in the morning coffee you drank? Did they add some elixir in there, without his knowledge? That sounded highly unlikely, but... what other possible explanations could lead to something like this?

Your legs moved on their own accord, making you take a few steps forward to get even closer to Ray, who was the main source of your distress. Fortunately, thanks to him clearly suffering from some kind of internal pain, he couldn't think quickly on his feet right now. He was frozen in place, which meant that you could figure out the explanation all by yourself. His 'ears' were safely hidden under his palm, so... You turned your attention to the tail.

It... is a tail, right?

Taking the last remaining step forward to close the remaining distance between the two of you, you reached out tentatively and took the tip of the tail in the palm of your hand. And that was the exact moment when your false composure immediately fell apart in one second flat.

The hacker's entire body froze up when your fingers first touched his tail. His face immediately flushed bright red, which was pretty noticeable even with the sickly pink hue covering his cheeks already.

Your eyes quickly became the size of a dinner plate as you stared at the soft object moving in your hand.

This... This feels way too real to be a hallucination! You could feel every single definitive texture as if it was a real cat tail!

Oddly enough, it's not like you were holding his tail with much force. Even though you initially thought it was merely a hallucination and nothing more, your touch was as gentle as usual. And now, when all the absurdity of what is happening right now has fallen onto your shoulders at once, you are very unlikely to simply give in, no matter what he tells you, or how convincing it will sound.

To make sure that what you're feeling is truly real, you began to slowly massage the fluffy tail in your hand: gently squeezing and unclenching your fingers around it and exploring the texture to the best of your abilities.

No. As surreal as it may seem, this is clearly not a hallucination. It's a real tail, and it was attached to the man you thought you knew.

Breathing out shakily, you finally took a step back, lifting your gaze back up to his face and wordlessly searching for possible answers that could somehow explain this whole situation. To say you looked puzzled by all of this would be an understatement of the century.

"Ray... what is this?"

While Ray continued to battle with his own thoughts in his head, he was still trying to make desperate attempts to hide everything from you.

"It's... It's nothing!" He yanked his tail out of your hands and it wrapped tightly around his leg.

"You didn't see anything. I-it's just an accident!"

The young man now firmly grabbed you by the shoulders, desperately trying to catch his breath and somehow keep you from freaking out, as a small part of you rightfully desired to do.

Though, his words sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than make you believe in the story he made up on the spot. His eyes anxiously darted around the room, straining to find a place where he could hide and wait this out, but he was met with an obvious problem. He could not leave this room and put himself at risk of being seen like this by other believers. Ray could only helplessly squeeze his eyes shut in response to the pain assaulting his head with renewed vigor and whimper under his breath.

You blinked, trying to somehow digest everything that you've seen in front of you with your own two eyes.

You opened your mouth to say something - anything - but closed it again, finding it extremely difficult to discern any cohesive thoughts out of the raging storm happening inside of your mind at this very moment. You no longer knew what to believe. It all just seemed like some kind of bizarre dream, not something that could be happening to you in the reality you thought you knew so well! And yet... your eyes didn't lie to you. Just like the feeling of his... tail on the skin of your hand.

Moreso, you couldn't help but notice how much more expressive he had become with these new fluffy additions to his form. As absurd as it may seem, he looked absolutely miserable and terrified due to his ears and tail adding even more emotion to his body language. In fact, that's exactly why you hesitated before deciding to start showering him with the sea of questions that were buzzing loudly inside of your head.

This is all very confusing, but... He is clearly in pain. And you had no idea, why that is. As much as you wanted to get all the answers you needed from him right now, it's... clearly not the right time for that.

You were even starting to feel a tiny bit guilty for your shocked reaction a moment prior, seeing just how much this whole ordeal has frightened him.

So... Instead, you took a deep breath, trying to calm your rapidly pounding heart inside of your chest. "H-hey... don't be so afraid. I... I'm not going to do anything. I promise. You look like you really need some proper rest right now... I'm sorry if I disturbed you, I didn't mean to. We... can talk about this later, when you're feeling better. So... don't stress yourself out like that. It's okay."

God, you can't believe you're actually saying all of this... to a real catboy?

It sounds so stupid-

He seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment before his trembling fingers squeezed your shoulders slightly as if he was trying to keep you in one place still. His voice sounded hoarse and strained when he finally found enough strength to respond to you, wincing from the unknown pain still torturing him from within.

"You... Ugh- You... You didn't see anything, okay? I need you to keep this a secret, Y/N, I beg of you. I'll explain everything- O-only later. I'm very sorry!"

You slowly took a step back, even managing to put on a small smile in an attempt to reassure him.

As absurd as this situation may seem, you just didn't have the heart to put so much pressure on him when he looked so... scared. It didn't seem right to you. You wouldn't be true to yourself if you put your thirst for answers before his well-being. So, you accepted his conditions, without putting up any further fight. "Okay. I won't tell anyone, I promise. Then... You can text or call me when you're ready. Or... visit me yourself, if you'll find the time for that. I'll be waiting. Just... tell me how to get to my room from here? I... kinda got lost."

----

The next time you heard anything from Ray was on the afternoon of the next day. You were starting to get seriously worried for him, before you heard a familiar ringtone buzzing from your phone that was resting peacefully on the bedside stand. Among the many apologies you had to scroll through, he has notified you that he managed to free just about enough time in his busy schedule to visit you, if you desired to see him at all. It seemed like he really thought that you were disgusted by what you saw and never wanted to speak with him again.

The thought pained your heart, and you tried to respond in the kindest way you possibly could, making sure to add a smiling emoji with a heart at the end of your messages. You wanted to make him feel safe and welcome, in the best way you knew. Speaking of which, maybe you should take advantage of your new key card on such an occasion!

----

You smiled widely at the familiar sound of soft knocking at your door, exclaiming a cheerful: 'Come in!' in response to your long-awaited visitor.

Just as you expected, Ray looked extremely guilty the moment he walked in, quickly casting his eyes to the floor and hunching his shoulders, as if he wanted to make himself look as small as possible under your gaze. Deciding to take the lead, you got up from your bed, walked over to him, and gave him a small warm smile in an attempt to reassure him that you were not mad or put off by him at all.

"Hi. Are you feeling any better? I made you some tea to help with your headaches. It's warm and sweet, so I think you will like it very much!"

You grinned, pointing at the steaming mug resting next to the beautiful vase with a bouquet of yellow roses he has given you two days prior.

Ray sharply lifted his head to look at you with a genuinely shocked expression on his face. Sort of on instinct, he ran a hand through his hair, like he was checking for the presence of the two cat ears you'd seen on him yesterday. The young man smiled awkwardly at you, only now processing your words in his head. Finally, when he noticed the mug of tea meant for him standing on the small white table nearby, his cheeks quickly flushed bright red. He looked completely dumbfounded at your warm greeting like it was the last thing he has expected from you right now.

"Ah... I'm feeling better now, you shouldn't have..." His voice wavered, making your heart clench in your chest. God, he sounded like he wanted to cry, and all you wanted to do was to hold him in your arms and reassure him, that everything was going to be okay.

"You are so caring... I don't know if I can ever repay you for everything you do for me."

He became noticeably quieter, as you could see hesitation swimming in his mint eyes. His gaze dropped back down to the floor, making you frown in displeasure.

You took a tentative step towards him, searching for his eyes hidden beneath his carefully combed bangs.

"Well... I think you're doing enough already." You smiled sheepishly, folding your hands behind her back.

"You're doing so much to protect me. And you're always making sure that all of my needs are rightfully taken care of."

Suddenly feeling a bit unsure about your initial plans for this meeting, you hummed under your breath, tilting your head to the side.

"Um... We can talk about what happened yesterday when you're ready. Of course, I'd like to know all the answers, but... I don't want to stress you out or cause you any problems because of my curiosity. We can... go at our own pace." You bashfully scratched the back of your neck, bouncing back and forth on your feet to rid of the nervous energy buzzing around in your stomach.

"So, what I mean is... I don't mind waiting for however long you might need. And my feelings for you did not change a bit. Which is why you don't have to be afraid of me treating you any differently from before. You're still my Ray that I've known all this time, and I care for you deeply."

You could hear him breath out a shaky sigh.

"You're too kind to me..." Ray was still afraid to look up. This time, however, it seemed like he was too ashamed to look at you, rather than him just being afraid to see your reaction to seeing him again. He cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly.

"Uhh, y-yes, right. You're... talking about that."

The young man timidly looked away, squeezing one of his palms with his other hand, like he was trying to ground himself. You involuntarily remembered how frightened he looked yesterday, with those flattened ears and tucked-in tail. Ray's emotions were already written plain as day on his face but in that new appearance... They were expressed even more clearly to you.

He hummed, shifting from one foot to another. "I think we can talk about it... Probably. Mmh... whenever you want. It's... the least I could do for shocking you like that."

Literally, everything in his body language showed how uncomfortable this topic felt for him and, in truth, he looked kinda scared even at the prospect of this much-needed conversation he himself had promised to you.

You took a few more steps forward, getting close enough to reach out and take his gloved hands in your own. You gave Ray a small reassuring smile, wordlessly relaying to him, that there was nothing he needed to be afraid of.

"Well... in that case, I'd like to talk about it as soon as possible. Of course, only if you're ready. I don't insist."

You decided to state, in an attempt to rid of at least a fraction of nerves that simply oozed off of Ray in waves. God, it pained you so much to see him this anxious and skittish in front of you.

Either way, you gently tugged him toward the table with a swift nod of your head.

"Let's sit down, okay? You can enjoy your tea while we talk. It should help with some of your nerves, I promise." You sat down in your chair, patting your hand on your knee in a silent invitation. Not that you were calling him over to sit on your lap, of course. Though, the thought made your cheeks feel quite warm.

Once he decided to follow your lead and settle down in the chair opposite from yours, you shifted a bit closer to take one of his hands in yours yet again. For some reason, you just really wanted to hold his hand right now. Your grip wasn't at all firm, letting him know that he could pull away from you at any given moment. You didn't want him to feel trapped or cornered in any way.

It seems like physical contact made his cheeks warm up even more, and you couldn't help but giggle under your breath at the soft gasp he let out the moment your hand has touched his. Sometimes he's just too adorable for his own good.

"So... can you share this with me? I promise I won't tell this information to anyone if you so desire."

He swallowed nervously, fidgeting with the fabric of the glove on his free hand.

"I-I'll try. Just, please... Don't tell anyone about this. You can't let anyone else know any of this. And... Please, don't tell the Savior either." His voice became noticeably quieter and more frightened when he spoke of his Savior, anxiously glancing around the room as if he was searching for any hidden listeners, that might be lurking nearby.

You nodded, prompting him to begin his story. You listened patiently as he talked, occasionally squeezing his hand in yours whenever the words got caught up in his throat and he needed a moment to breathe.

You didn't expect him to ask you not to tell about this to the Savior of all people. Does she know? Both options seemed strange in their own way. In any case... well, this certainly explains why he's so afraid of the outside world now. Perhaps... you would be afraid too if you were put in his place.

Surely the Savior used this fear of his for her own purposes. Your heart ached for him whenever you thought of that.

Once he finished, you sighed heavily, gently squeezing his glowed fingers in both of your hands.

"Hey now... Of course, I won't be disgusted over something like that, you have nothing to be afraid of. While yes, I... I still find it really hard to believe that something like this is even possible, that doesn't mean it's something bad. And it's not like you chose to be like this, right? I think it'll be wrong of me to judge you for this. You're still you. But... I do understand why you'd be afraid of me finding out. People are scared of something they don't understand. I can't... blame you for hiding this from me."

You pursued your lips thoughtfully, rubbing slow circles on the skin of his palm with your thumb.

"So... I won't treat you differently for something like this, you don't have to worry about that, I promise. And you don't need to apologize to me either. It's something pretty personal, and you had every right to keep this from me. Plus... even though it happened by chance, you still told me everything now. You could choose overwise, you know? Make up some white lie or deny everything all together. And, most likely, I would have believed you, given how bizarre this all sounds." You chuckled softly, averting your gaze.

"So, thank you for sharing this with me and putting your trust in me. I promise I won't tell anyone. Oh, and, by the way... You reminded me of a cat for quite some time now. I guess I finally learned the reason for that."

You held back a small laugh that almost broke free from you without your knowledge. You didn't want him to think you were laughing at him or anything like that. "And while it is only your choice to make... I don't see anything wrong with allowing yourself more freedom in this regard. At least here, where no one else can see you. I think those cat ears and tail looked just lovely on you... They're actually really cute if I'm being honest with myself."

Tentatively, he raised his eyes at your face, clearly unsure on what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before finally finding the right words to respond to such a heartfelt speech from you.

"I... Thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve such kindness, but I'm... truly happy that you don't hate me now. I was... I was so afraid that you'd find me scary or disgusting when I'm like this and leave me... I promise you, that no matter what happens, I won't hurt you, okay? I consider myself completely human despite this form. I have total control over my body even in other forms, so I will never ever harm you, I promise..."

Ray paused for a moment and looked down at the floor, pursing his lips into a thin line and seemingly pondering over something.

The young man looked back nervously at the door and, after making sure that it was closed, closed his eyes.

You did not understand what was happening immediately, it seemed like everything happened almost instantly, but after blinking once or twice, those same fluffy ears flaunted on the top of his head, as his snow-white tail sank to the ground.

"S-See? I-I'm in total control of myself right now. Sometimes my forms change on their own accord if I'm really hurt or scared, but, for the most part, I can control them. And- and if you want... You can touch me. If you don't mind it, of course." He fiddled with his hands nervously, casting his eyes back to the floor. His ears and tail also conveyed his nervous state of mind as crystal clear as during yesterday's incident, making your heart flutter helplessly in response.

Oh, god, he looks so unbelievably cute...

For a few moments, you just stared at him, as pure amazement practically sparkled in your eyes. You still found it pretty hard to believe that all of this is indeed real. You didn't expect him to show you so much trust right now. This notion made your heart flutter with joyous glee. However, you quickly breathed a long sigh to compose yourself. You slowly got up from your chair, taking a small step forward and tilting your head to one side in curiosity.

So astounding... You would never have thought that something like this could be real.

Still, you needed to calm him down first and foremost.

"Of course, I wouldn't mind. They suit you so much, Ray."

A reassuring smile crossed your lips as you carefully lifted one of your hands to gently run it through his bleached hair and then touch one of the cat ears, as soft and fluffy to the touch as a normal cat's ear would feel. Your giddy smile grew in size as your eyes sparkled with pure delight.

Ray, seemingly on pure instinct, closed his eyes the moment you first touched his ear, leaning into your hand, as an affectionate cat would.

You couldn't help yourself. Of course, you understood that showing this form was rather difficult and unpleasant for him, however... you simply could not help but admire him like this. He looked so beautiful to you right now. Those adorable ears and tail really... really suited him. It's as if they were always supposed to be there. Like they were meant to be on him.

And yet... you decided to stop tormenting him for now. Having finished with your quick experiment on one of his ears, you pulled away and sat back down in your chair next to his own, resting your chin on your palm.

"Wow, thank you for trusting me with this, really. And... it doesn't scare me at all, so don't worry. It's still hard to imagine... but it's not scary whatsoever. Plus, if you wanted to hurt me in any way, you would have done so already, so I have nothing to worry about. I trust you." A soft smile lit up your face.

"And trust me when I say that the last thing I'll hate on someone is a pair of adorable cat ears and a tail. You know how much I love cats."

You laughed softly as you mindlessly ran your fingers through your hair.

Can he purr as well-?

When the hacker finally looked up at you again, a shaky sigh was all he could let out. His cheeks were a lovely shade of bright red and his eyes were so wide you couldn't help but get lost in them. Whether it's just how nice your touches felt, or your unconditional trust in him, or maybe your overly sweet words pouring into his ears - he was as mesmerized by you as you were by him. Maybe it was all these factors put together.

"I-I trust you too..." His voice sounded so small, and yet, it wasn't for a bad reason this time around. He was still unsure about all of this, but... It seems like there was more bravery in him than you initially thought. His next words certainly caught you by surprise.

"I'm not used to being touched like this. B-but if you don't feel uncomfortable and- and maybe want to do it again... Y-you can do that whenever you want to."

He involuntarily shivered in embarrassment at these words.

However, you found yourself practically buzzing with glee, suddenly gathering all of your willpower so as to not crush him in a tight hug right at the spot. Instead, you grinned, reaching out over the table once more, and placing your hand on the top of his head. This time, when you caressed his soft ears, you could feel a slight vibrating sensation moving through your entire body and making you giggle in delight. "I'll take you up on that promise, my lovely prince."

#mm mystictober2022 #mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #ray choi #saeran choi #mystic messenger ray #ray x reader #catboy ray #catboy ray my beloved 💕💕💕

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: Changing Oneself is Changing the World

Often, we feel unhappy because things in life turn out differently than we expected. What you expected is actually the result of the habits you have indulged in for a long time. When you can't get the seat you wanted on the packed subway, when your delicious home-cooked meal fails to receive praise, when you can't find suitable clothes after walking around the stores for a whole day, you start to feel unhappy. The world has never catered to our wishes, yet we foolishly believe everything should happen the way we hope. Whenever something we feel “should” happen does not occur, we feel unhappy. If you observe closely, you’ll find that deep down you have a standard that things must be a certain way, and that’s what leads to your unhappiness.

Usually we believe there are two ways to gain happiness: One is to change the world, to turn the world into your ideal country, make everyone do things your way, make everything perfect according to your definition of perfect – your perfect version. This requires tremendous effort, because the world does not indulge your habits, and other people have similar ambitions, often opposite to yours.

This approach is also dangerous, because not everyone will like your way. So when you forcibly paint the sky your favorite color, it may only bring suffering and harm to others. If a husband thinks freely placing washed towels around is happiness, while his wife believes neatly hanging up towels is proper and makes her happy, then their ideas of happiness conflict, and the husband's happiness becomes unhappiness for the wife. In truth, demanding the world conform to your standards of happiness causes far more pain than joy. What most people call changing the world is merely hoping the Earth would rotate how they wish.

The other path is to change yourself. If you pin your hopes on the first path, you may never attain happiness in your lifetime, because you have embarked on a endless journey. Countless people throughout history have tried to make the world better through laws and regulations, attempting to resolve our problems, yet even today problems have not lessened. In fairness, their efforts were not completely in vain, but the world is hardly more improved than two hundred years ago – in fact problems are increasing day by day. The world has not become safer or kinder despite people's efforts. Rather, it grows more volatile and uncontrollable.

My mother also once ambitiously tried to change my father - she wanted him to wash his face after meals before going to bed, believing it would keep their bedding clean, since that was the custom in her family. She engaged in two decades of persuasion, education, quarrels and minor physical confrontations, yet in the end achieved very little. Recently she discovered that she only needed to adjust her mentality, and the world became boundless. She no longer insisted that washing one's face after meals was necessary. (In truth it was never necessary, only her habit.)

When you feel defeated on the first path, you can try the second path instead. Many people have succeeded that way. You may see this as self-delusion, believing changing oneself means submitting to the world’s unfairness. Some do it that way, but that is not what Buddhism means by changing oneself – in fact, it does not mean silently bearing unfair treatment or obediently giving in. I don't mean you should become savvy or sly, either.

The fundamental reason you clash with the world stems from clinging to things you believe truly exist – others cling to what they believe exists. We think we truly exist, the world around us truly exists, our perception of the world is the only correct one... and it's real. So when we encounter others with the same blind confidence, conflict becomes inevitable.

To change means to alter your perception of the world, because due to ignorance, your perception differs greatly from reality. You believe “I” truly exists, and extensions of “I” also exist. When you feel threatened or disrespected regarding things you believe exist (your reputation, your blanket, your work, your cat), you get angry and suffer.

To change the world is an enormously lengthy project with huge investment and little payoff. Actually it is an endless endeavor – not just will you be unable see completion in your lifetime, your grandchildren and their grandchildren and great grandchildren will also not see the day the world becomes a much improved place. You will be on this road forever, never reaching the destination. This is like running circles expecting to someday see the finish line. You will wear yourself out before collapsing.

But if you alter your misconceptions about the world, everything changes. When you correct your wrong views, when delusions no longer lead you astray, suffering cannot arise. When you cease indulging your habits and clear away your defilements, the world you see becomes perfect, because you had been judging everything against your own standards. Yet “your standards” arose from ignorance in the first place. You get angry because your habits have come under attack.

Changing oneself and changing the world are not two separate paths. If your mindset shifts, the world shifts too, because the world is your perception. The exact same person or object can elicit completely different reactions depending on your mentality. If you come across a kissing couple on the subway when feeling elated, you may find it pleasing to the eye and wish them well. But if you just got dumped by your boyfriend and have lost faith in love, seeing them could infuriate you. The couple did not change, your heart did.

There is an ancient Buddhist saying: We cannot carpet the world so it suits our walking, but we can put on shoes. The Buddhist way is to put on shoes so one avoids all injuries.

October 6, 2007

Originally published on Lingshan Hermit's blog

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灵山居士：改变自己，就是改变世界　　

很多时候，我们都会觉得不快乐，生活中出现了与我们所期待的相反的东西。而你所期待的正是你长期纵容习气的结果。当你挤上地铁之后没有如愿以偿的坐上你想坐的位置，当你辛辛苦苦做好饭菜却没有如愿以偿的获得赞许，当你在街上转悠了一天没有买到合适的衣服，不快就会油然而生。虽然世界从未顺从过我们，我们却很愚蠢的觉得每件事都应该按照我们希望的那样发展。任何一个我们认为“应该”的事情没有如愿发生，我们就会心生不快。仔细观察，你会发现在你内心深处有个必需如何如何的标准，是它导致你的不快。

通常我们认为有两种途径可以让你获得快乐，一种是改变世界，让世界变成你的理想国，让每个人都按照你希望的方式去做事，让每个事物都如你所希望的那般完美——你的完美版本。这需要付出巨大的努力。因为世界并不会纵容你的习气。而且，其他人也有这样的企图。但他们的期待往往和你的正好相反。

这样的做法也同样具有危险性，因为不是每一个人都会喜欢你的方式，所以当你强行把天空涂抹成你喜欢的颜色，可能带给别人的只是痛苦和伤害。

如果一对夫妻，丈夫认为洗完澡可以自由随意的搭放毛巾是一种快乐，而妻子认为把毛巾搭在适当的位置才是正确和让她感到快乐的，那么两个人的快乐就会产生冲突，丈夫的快乐会成为妻子的不快乐。事实上，以你的快乐标准来要求世界，造成的痛苦会远远多于快乐。多数人所谓的改造世界，无非是希望地球按照自己所希望的方式旋转。

还有一条路，那就是改变你自己。如果你把希望寄托在第一条上面，可能你有生之年都无法快乐，因为你走上了一条没有终点的路，曾经有过无数的人尝试过这么做，他们制定法律，出台各种规定，试图让世界变的更美好，试图让我们的问题消失。站在公正的立场说，你不能说他们的努力毫无成果，但是时至今日我们的问题并没有变的更少，我们的世界也没有比二百年前更美好，事实上，说我们的问题与日俱增才更符合事实。世界并未因人们的努力而变的更安全更可爱，他比以往更加狂暴和不受控制。

我的母亲就曾经雄心勃勃的试图改造世界，她试图让我的父亲记得饭后洗脸再睡觉，因为她认为不这么做就会把被子弄脏，她们家一直是这个规矩。她为此进行了长达二十年的说服教育工作，也包括争吵和轻微的肢体冲突，但是最终收效甚微，最近她发现其实她只需要把自己的心态调整一下，世界就会广阔无比，那就是不再坚持饭后洗脸是必须的。（其实这本来就不是必需的，只是她习惯如此而已。）

当你在第一条路上感受失败的时候，你可以去尝试第二条路，过去有很多人这么做过，也有很多人在第二条路上获得成功。你可能会认为这近乎自我欺骗。你会认为改变自己就是让自己顺应世界。有些人确实是这么做的。但佛教所说的改变自己并非如此，事实上，改变自己并不表示你要开始对世界忍气吞声或俯首听命。我也不是在说你应该变得精明世故。你之所以和世界有冲突从根源上来说是因为你执著于那些你认为真实存在的东西，他人则执著于他认为真实存在的东西。我们认为我们是真实存在的，我们周遭的世界也是真实存在的，我们对世界的认知是唯一正确的。也是真实存在的。因此当我们遇到那些和我们有着同样盲目自信的人，冲突就不可避免。

改变，只是改变你对世界的感知而已，由于无明，你能感知的世界和真实的世界大相径庭。你认为“我”是真实存在的，“我”的衍生物也是真实存在的。当你认为这些真实存在的东西（你的面子，你的毛毯，你的作品，你的猫）受到威胁贬低的时候，你就会愤怒，你会痛苦。

改变世界是一个耗时巨大的工程，也是一个投资巨大而收效甚微的工程，事实上它也是一个完全没有了期的工程，不止是你无法看到这个工程竣工的那一天，你的孙子，你孙子的孙子，你孙子的孙子的孙子，也同样看不到世界被改造的很完美的那一天。你将永无了期的在路上，永远看不到尽头。这就象是你绕着一个圆圈跑��希望有一天可以看到终点一样。你会疲于奔命，直到倒下。

但是如果你改变了你对世界的错误看法，一切都会不同。当你纠正了你对世界的错误看法的时候，当你不再被妄想带着走，痛苦就无从产生，当你不再纵容你的习气，清除了你所有的染污，你所看到的世界会很完美。你之所以会认为有不完美存在，是因为你在用自己的标准衡量一切。而“你的标准”正是无名的结果。你会被激怒，是因为你的习惯遭受了攻击。

改变自己和改变世界并非两条不相干的道路，如果你的心改变了，世界也会随之改变。因为世界是你的认知。同样的一个人，一件物品，你在不同的心态下看到他，会有完全不同的感受，如果你是在心情极佳的状态下看见地铁里一对拥吻的情侣，你可能会觉得赏心悦目，你甚至会暗暗祝福他们，但是如果你刚刚被男朋��抛弃，你开始不相信爱情，看见他们可能会令你怒火中烧。地铁上的情侣并没有发生变化，变化的是你的心。

在佛教里，有一个古老的的教言：我们无法把世界铺上地毯以利于我们的行走，但我们可以穿上鞋。佛教的方法是让你穿上鞋，这样就可以避免一切伤害。

2007年10月6日 首发于灵山居士博客

[minjaebe]

hello everyone! ✨I'm lynn (she/them, 25+, gmt+1) and this is my rp blog for jung minjae (22y/o idol wannabe). behind the cut you can find information about her, her background, and wanted plots/interactions I might come up with and update from time to time. please feel free to shoot us a message or slide into our ask box to plot, talk ooc & interact.

ᴊᴜɴɢ ᴍɪɴᴊᴀᴇ (ᴩʜᴏᴇɴɪx) • ɴᴏᴠ 17ᴛʜ, 2001 (22yᴏ) • ꜱᴄᴏʀᴩɪᴏ • ɪᴅᴏʟ ᴡᴀɴɴᴀʙᴇ

ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

» jung minjae (stage name phoenix) was born on a crisp autumn day in seoul, south korea, 22 years ago. from a young age, she showed sheer passion and talent for ice-skating, which set her on the inevitable trajectory towards becoming a professional athlete. » only child, grown into a poor family, since the first moment they got a glimpse of their daughter's talent her parents saw in it a mean for a better life. this led them to inevitably put a lot of pressure on minjae's shoulders and to do everything they could to push her towards the right path. whether it was because of her own passion or because of their influence, minjae soon started cherishing the dream of reaching the top, of getting to the olympics. » since the age of ten, when she started winning more and more competitions and gain enough prizes, her parents decided to home-school her so she could fully focus on her career. this led her to miss out on a lot of childhood and teenage experiences and to grow up way too quickly. eventually, this ricocheted the moment she had to drop out her sport. » at the age of sixteen, indeed, her dream came to an end when a bad fall on the ice caused her a career-ending injury. of that event, minjae holds very few memories — only a brief, sharp pain, blood, and black. she woke up in an hospital bed and, no matter how surgeons and professionals her parents reached out to, she soon realised that her career was over. » this unforeseen setback plunged minjae into a dark hole. without friends nor a future, unable to tell who she was without her shattered dreams, she wandered into a world of rebellion and despair. filled with rage, she started exploring the world to try and get back what she'd lost during the years she'd spent focusing only on her sport. she tried dr*ugs, bonded with the wrong people, found herself entangled with the law on multiple occasions... the pain manifested in reckless behavior, fueled by a desperate need to escape a reality she could not accept. » although she remembers this as the darkest moment of her life, it also helped her, in a way, to finally cut the toxic relationship with her parents and to focus more on herself, discovering things she'd never had the chance to discover before. she became more independent, more stubborn, more herself. she moved out of the house, and it was around that time that music finally fell into her life, almost a lifeline from above it came to gave her a new purpose. » through her chaotic life spent between underground parties and pubs, she discovered that dancing was something she enjoyed just as much as skating. when she was finally contacted by a man that saw in her potential to become an idol one day, in his advises she found a path that could give her life a meaning. » a couple of years later, she's 22 and she's trying to chase that dream. she knows she's so far behind many other people that have started to train a lot sooner than her, but the years spent in figure skating make learning dancing and choreographs a bit easier — and, even better, taught her what determination and sacrifice really are. » what she still struggles with the most is building her public persona, her past making it so that it's not that easy anymore to bottle up the fire that she repressed all her childhood life and has only recently started to enjoy. luckily, she knows well enough how to fake and pretend to be someone she's not, all while having fun when no-one's watching. when she's not training and putting up a facade for those who could one day hire her, she can be found working as a dancer (and, sometimes, as a stripper) in nightclubs around seoul, a black wig to cover her blond hair, doing her best to enjoy the freedom she knows she will one day lose with fame.

ᴩʟᴏᴛ/ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ɪᴅᴇᴀꜱ

» friends in general. although she grew up quite isolated (apart from connections she made back when she did ice-skating or maybe family friends?), she's become a lot better at making friends in the recent years. so, anything goes, really! » people that have been wanting to get in the industry for a lot longer than her and that could help her train and understand this new world she wants to get into. » she's quite good with dancing and making choreographs, but she could use some help with singing and, even more, with songwriting. she has a lot to say, but she has no idea how to put that into songs so, help a girl out lol » rivals and "enemies" are always fun to have? idk just people that she doesn't get along with until something changes and they become friends (or not) » someone that might find out she works at nightclubs and, in general, that her life has a "dark side"? idk just someone that might see that she's not as pristine as she likes to pretend like she is in front of superiors and talent scouts (she doesn't necessarily try to hide it with other people, but knows that to become an idol and being hired she needs to keep up appearances with ppl that matter) » roomates, people that live with her or next to her place, coworkers (if there's someone that does similar jobs or works at nightclubs) or people she used to work with (after getting injured, she did a variety of jobs, so there's probably something we can find) » people she might've met during the dark days of her life? maybe people she used to (or still does) get drunk with, stay up through the night, etc. » more specific plot & thread ideas can be found here!

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