#anyone who guesses both will get one free trump card

[narutocharacterpolls]

Would you guys be mad if I said I placed two of the characters with specific intent so they had a chance of getting out first round 👉👈

#ONLY TWO OUT OF 64 THOUGH all the others were random #and i’m worried for some of my other faves #they still follow the rules of seeding but #i changed where two of them landed to a different opponent so that they had better chances 😭 #i love them too much i am sorry. i am guilty #anyone who guesses both will get one free trump card

[gwimulchorom]

“What’s that in your hand?” 

Myron offered the fang to the dwarf, tilting her head to the side. “A dragon’s fang. I got it a long time ago. Seven years ago? It’s not magical anymore though,” she explained, thinking little about sharing, “It was a dagger once, but I enchanted it again to use as something else.” 

She remembered the dagger being pressed into her hand by Z all that time ago: she wanted nothing to do with what was likely a murder weapon, and considering her field of research even as a first year, it seemed the most plausible choice. Over the years, she’d taken the tooth apart with magic, enchanting it with whatever materials she could get, and at some point, it had awakened its true, ascendant potential with enough magic to allow her uninterrupted flight...

Then she was torn asunder by the dracolich whose tooth she was using against him. What could she expect, really. 

If I could sharpen an ingot to a needle; if I was willing to wait; as long as I loved deeply; Will I ever, ever have the possibility to move the stone-hearted?  Even if dreams come true; who can really guess how much happiness can be partitioned for one  In life’s royal flush, I no longer had you as my trump card; and that I accept 

She loved Silverymoon but she never knew if Silverymoon loved her back. A well-fed bird in a gilded cage was still a trapped one, and she didn’t want anyone to see her the way she was now - not even Muirin, and that had been the crux of why she’d left. 

Considering everything, she couldn’t fault them for what they did. She was lucky as it was to be kept alive and offered positions of power, even if she wasn’t truly free to leave until she had died. 

Whisper’s tree meant Muirin was coming anyway, and through discussions they would need to keep their reunion short. She didn’t want to bother Muirin more than necessary while they were both on official business anyway. Her mind drifted between a mixture of all the information she had gathered, what the others had been up to, and then back to the dwarf once more, who had pressed the restored tooth back into her hand. 

“Thank you,” she replied breathlessly, feeling the strain of her body taking a toll on her as she sat back down to lean out of the window once again. She allowed herself to share her owl’s senses, a gesture she had constantly done when in her office to check on her students, and after a cursory search, she returned to herself and put the tooth on, tucking it inside her shirt. 

If you could really let go; Why didn’t you say a word?  Drifting to the edges of the earth, struggling all the way; with one’s heart already numb 

Kieran had asked her the night before she’d fully regained her senses, playing the lute in her room while he asked her questions. He was a bright sea elf, his brother being the one that she’d now been taking the appearance of, and when he’d apprenticed under her to learn about artifice, he had also been her only student for the longest time...and the one student who had survived the attack. 

That night, he had asked her why she hadn’t spoken a word in the weeks she had come back from the brink. Sitting in her wheelchair (she was still too weak to pace around, consolidating all the damage and everything she would need to replace), she had lifted her gaze to look at her protege, before back out of the window again, remaining silent. 

She’d failed at the end. There was nothing left to talk about, and she reckoned he understood when she’d left him whatever she could salvage in her study the night she’d left Silverymoon. Spellguard Isle was more than happy to approve her leave of absence after the turn of events, considering how it had now been abundantly obvious that her heart belonged with them and the students she had raised for them in basic arcane theory classes, before she had eventually been moved to Advanced Artifice due to her Spellguard duties. 

If he studied her notes enough, he would probably be able to lend the Wyrmworks a hand in their artifice. She expected the old men back there to complain, anyway. It was a pity they had been trapped with a husk like her for so long, someone who was skilled in presenting so many masks but never once committing to one of them, and her past affiliation was implied but not outwardly spoken - in fact, they had been sympathetic learning of her past and how she had wanted to separate herself from them, because a common enemy meant that they were now friends. 

Dracoliches wouldn’t fell themselves. She also knew for certain that the Cult was shifting to something far more sinister than she had thought: if it were but dracoliches, it was a niche operation that she could surmount. Looking at the state of Greenest, it felt more like war than just a cult being insidious. 

What cards were they playing? She eased herself up from her spots, making her way slowly down the stairs in an awkward shamble before heading carefully to the tunnels, seeking answers. 

As long as Muirin was happy, she thought to herself, shuffling towards it in a wary amble.  She couldn’t ask for anything more. 

#who lives; who dies; who tells your story | myron #my work #the poor lady is having a rough time

[agent-cupcake]

So can i ask pansy,lime blossom and snapdragon for Gojo,please🤗?

Pansy - What was it that ultimately sparked their obsession?

I believe in bastard Gojo supremacy, the type to potentially entertain himself with a twisted relationship while high on his own Godliness and inclination to shed empathy for the sake of his pleasure. I also believe that he’s a very sad, tragic person who desires validation and affection, someone who has spent his entire life being the Chosen One and not a human being, someone who’s been failed or abandoned by everyone who should have loved him. So this scenario, I guess, is if he was more sensitive to both those sides of himself. You made him feel like he wasn’t alone, like he was seen and wanted for who he is. Maybe you even expressed your admiration for him, stroked his ego a little bit. And, due to timing or your emotions or circumstance, that got him good. He tried to ignore it, tried to get the same feeling from other people, tried to cling to the idea of himself as a monument. When that didn’t work, he thought that maybe trying to date you and get it out of his system that way would work. It didn’t. Receiving the affection and understanding he wanted from the source would really only seal the deal. Since you had already given so much to him of your own free will, it was nothing to start to selfishly take more and more, demanding more and more of you, to feed that obsessive part of himself. 

Snapdragon - What is the darling’s day-to-day life like? Does it depend on how they’ve been acting, or is it always the same?

Your life would be an inconsistent mess as soon as Satoru made himself the focus of it. Your behavior or anything really doesn’t factor in, that’s just his nature. That said, you would have a lot of time to yourself and autonomy… compared to other guys I talk about. Satoru is busy and wouldn’t be around all the time. Depending on if you were a skilled sorcerer maybe you’d get dragged around the world occasionally on missions but, still, that’s a lot of time without him. When he’s not around, someone is watching you. You know, because you’re so weak and all. You wouldn’t be told about this and it wouldn’t really be obtrusive—as in, it’s not like you’d ever be restricted from doing things—because Satoru’s far more interested in the “gotcha!” style confrontation where he can dangle his God-like knowledge of your life without him in front of your nose. When he’s in a particular mood, you’ll get a thousand messages in the span of minutes or, alternatively, silence for days on end. If you get worried at all, he’ll coo over it and probably make you regret feeling concern in the first place. When Satoru is around, he’s still a very busy man. In high demand. The expectation he has is that you’re supposed to be dedicating your life to him, not the other way around. It’s not like you’re all that important, not to anyone but him. And, really, who is more important than him? So while there are periods of “freedom,” when Satoru wants you, you better drop everything and focus on him. Or he’ll just make you drop everything and pull you into whatever he wants regardless.

Lime blossom - Does the yandere’s feelings for their darling fall more under “love” or lust?

Whether or not he loves you is up in the air, he wouldn’t classify his own feelings as love. He cares for you, he doesn’t want to lose you, but he’ll never confess his love in any serious way. Maybe he’ll break out an “I love you” as a trump card to make you do something he wants, or in a moment of extreme, cloying affection to trip you up. But, while its not necessarily what he feels, Satoru wants to be loved and that is more important to him than lust. Sex is just fun, or a means to an end. It’s easy and cheap. What he’s actually using you for is a lot worse.

#gojo satoru #satoru gojo #yandere #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #headcanons #affection starved characters becoming fixated on the first person to treat them with basic kindness and genuine care is just #yum

[nobodyfamousposts]

Felix July - Growing Up (Felix Culpa alternative for Ladybug)

@felixmonth

Alya was planning to solve a mystery and prove her best friend’s innocence.

Felix was regretting his life choices and questioning if it was too late to transfer schools.

“Starting the investigation into ‘Who Framed Marinette.’” Alya announced into her recorder. “I am Alya Cesaire, the lead investigator. With me is my humble sidekick, Felix Argent.”

“Is this necessary?” Felix asked, already tired despite not having done anything as Alya had started searching over the locker room 

“Of course it is!” She snapped back. “We’re the only ones who can help Marinette get unexpelled. So we need to find the truth and discover the real culprit.”

“Which is Rossi.”

She ignored him.

“So we just need to check the clues and gather evidence to find out who did it.”

“Here’s a hint: it was Rossi.”

Still ignoring him. Honestly, he was no help.

“The first accusation was the answer sheet in her bag. It had to have been taken after the test, so Marinette couldn’t have had it then.” She reasoned. “That means that whoever took it had to have done so later and then put the test key in Marinette’s bag.”

“Maybe it was the ‘anonymous tipster’, who was the only person who apparently knew they were in there.” Felix suggested.

“But who could that have been?” Alya wondered.

“Wild guess: Rossi.”

Why did she recruit him again?

She shot a glare at him. “Could you try actually being helpful?”

Felix gave her a blank stare as he began to speak in what was clearly a sarcastic manner. “My, whoever could it possibly have been? Certainly not the only other person Bustier sent to the Principal’s office with Dupain-Cheng in the first place?”

Sigh, he really was holding onto his belief about Lila being responsible.

“Okay, now you’re being impossible. Lila had the lowest score on the test.” She pointed out.

“Yes,” he drawled sarcastically, “because it’s not like we just confirmed that the answer sheet was stolen after the test and thus of no use to anyone. Or that Rossi couldn’t have intentionally faked her grade on a test that didn’t matter anyway in order to make herself appear less suspicious.”

“We’re just going to ignore Snarky McKnow-it-all.” She muttered into the recording.

“That doesn’t make me not right.” He called out behind her.

“Then there’s the necklace in Marinette’s locker…” She moved to the locker in question and tested it. Sure enough, it opened right up, revealing the contents—or lack thereof since Marinette was forced to remove them all when she was expelled. Alya even tested the nearby lockers and got the same result. They were all easily opened by anyone.

“These lockers don’t have locks or any way to secure them.” Alya noted into the recorder. “Anyone could have gotten inside and planted the necklace.”

“You mean like the one person who KNEW the necklace would be in Marinette’s locker.” Felix chimed in. “Which was again, Rossi.”

“It had to have been a mistake.”

“She said she SAW Marinette put it in her locker. Why she didn’t get someone immediately and only brought it up AFTER everything else is likely because she was using it as a trump card.”

“Just going to discard my sidekick’s wild conspiracy theories.” Alya said into the recorder, smirking momentarily at Felix’s scoff from behind her. “It’s possible that Lila might have just seen someone who looked like Marinette taking grandmother’s necklace and putting it in her locker.”

“If it IS her grandmother’s necklace.” Felix commented dryly. “A little hard to believe that something from last year’s Gabriel line could have been around long enough to be considered an heirloom.”

She turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Since when are you an expert on jewelry?”

He rolled his eyes. “Because it’s not like a model would know about the latest fashion lines.”

Alya shrugged and looked away.

“Feel free to not question it.” He muttered darkly. “It’s only potential evidence.”

A few more minutes of the two searching the room warranted little other insights or clues. The same was true of the now empty classroom as they investigated the area around Bustier’s desk and Marinette’s seat.

Well, Alya investigated. Felix simply stood nearby being his snarky and unhelpful self.

Like usual.

“It has to be someone who has it out for Marinette…” She reasoned.

“Like Rossi.”

She started to pace. “Someone who could have had the time and access to Marinette’s bag and her locker.”

“Such as Rossi.”

“Someone who could have disguised themselves, perhaps? Or knew everyone’s routines well enough to get in while no one else was around.”

“Maybe you should start by investigating Rossi?” Felix suggested dryly. “Since she was the only other person involved?”

She whirled on him, finally having enough. “Could you come up with someone BESIDES Lila?”

Honestly, what was his deal? He’d always been a jerk, but he’d had a particular distaste for Lila from day one. Alya personally questioned if it wasn’t due to a crush.

She may need to investigate further…

“What reasoning do you have that Rossi couldn’t have done this?” He questioned. “Besides your own fervent belief that ‘she wouldn’t do that’ or that she’s ’too nice’. Because as it stands, there is no reason NOT to consider her.”

“Well, where’s yours?” She shot back. “You’re the one so insistent that Lila had to have done it! What proof do YOU have?”

Felix sighed and raised his hand, counting with his fingers. “There are three accusations here. One, that Dupain-Cheng stole test answers. Two, that she pushed Rossi down the stairs. And three, that she stole Rossi’s ‘family heirloom’. All three of which, Rossi was both the accuser and the only witness for.”

He gave Alya a dry look.

“So why, exactly, is Rossi NOT a suspect?”

“Because Lila wouldn’t do something like that!” Alya, insisted.

Why would she? Lila was awesome and amazing. She would never steal anything. And she would certainly never try to get anyone in trouble.

Felix was far from impressed.

“We only have two ways this story can go. One, that Rossi was telling the truth, meaning that she indeed saw Dupain-Cheng take the test answers and cheat on the test, push Rossi down the stairs, and that steal Rossi’s necklace. Or two, that Dupain-Cheng was telling the truth and Rossi lied about those three things.

“In order for Rossi’s claims to be true, that would have to mean that Dupain-Cheng is guilty. In order for Dupain-Cheng to be innocent, that would have to mean that Rossi gave false testimony. You can’t have it both ways here.

“So tell me, Cesaire…what makes you so unwilling to consider that Rossi may be suspect? If you truly with to be an investigator, you must be impartial and accept the evidence as it is. On all sides. Everyone is a suspect.”

Alya was quiet.

Felix gave her a dark glare. “You want to be Sherlock Holmes here. Surely you know his stance that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains—however improbable, must be the truth.”

“But we haven’t eliminated every possibility yet!” Alya argued, growing increasingly agitated. Part of her was questioning her earlier decision to drag Felix along in her investigation. However, the guy was smart and at this point, he was also the only other person who openly voiced support of Marinette’s innocence. Surely if they had a similar goal, they could work together to find the truth.

The only problem was that they had completely different opinions on what the truth could be.

Or rather what they wanted it to be.

“It’s Rossi. It is very clearly Rossi. You have to be completely oblivious to NOT realize it’s Rossi.”

Alya spun around and glared back at the smug, arrogant jerk with a superiority complex.

“You’ve hated Lila since day one! You’re just looking for reasons to blame her! Here you are telling me I need to be impartial when you’re the one being biased!”

“Biased?” He laughed. “Do you even know what bias is, Cesaire? Bias is bringing in the parents of only one of the two arguing parties and forcing them to miss out on valuable work time to keep their small business going while the other guardian isn’t even notified. Bias is taking one person at her word of being attacked without doing anything to evaluate her or get her supposed ‘injuries’ checked out to confirm they exist. Bias is publicly humiliating a student first by accusing them in front of a class and then expelling them solely on the word of another and circumstantial evidence that could very well have been planted to frame them—all without so much as a hearing, which IS required by law!”

He glowered at her. “Rossi already has enough bias to protect her. She doesn’t need your bias as well, especially if truth is really what you seek here.”

“And where’s your proof?” Alya questioned, now on the defensive. Do you even have reason to suspect Lila or are you just wanting her to be responsible?”

“I’m at least looking at facts. You, on the other hand, are so biased in her favor that you’re discounting the clear evidence just because it implicates her.”

She scoffed. “What evidence?”

What was there that actually implicated Lila? She was just a victim in all of this! Sure, the school wasn’t fair to Marinette, but that was why Alya was helping! That didn’t mean Lila was behind anything!

Felix frowned, stepping closer to her and holding up three fingers. “Cheating on a test, stealing, and pushing someone down the stairs. Any one could be considered an accident or a mistake. But three different accusations all claimed by one person and all in the span of a single day? Rossi was clearly and specifically targeting Marinette.”

“That’s not true!” Alya argued.

“What other reason could there be for this?” Felix demanded, clearly annoyed and frustrated and wanting to be done with this entire conversation.

“There has to be someone else behind it!”

“There IS no one besides Rossi!” Felix bit back. “Even if you argue that someone else could have planted the test answers and necklace, that doesn’t explain how she KNEW where they were or why she chose to openly and publicly implicate Marinette if there could be doubt to her being the one to do these things!”

Alya bit her lip.

“Furthermore,” Felix continued, “there is no other logical explanation for the stairs incident.”

“It could have been an accident.” Alya deduced. “Marinette is clumsy. She could have tripped and pushed Lila without meaning to.”

“Except Marinette denies she even touched Rossi. Is Marinette really the sort of person to push someone down the stairs and deny having done so it if it was an accident?”

Alya couldn’t deny that because Marinette wouldn’t. If Marinette DID hurt someone by accident, she would have immediately admitted to it and done everything she could to try and help the person.

“Maybe someone else pushed Lila—”

“Marinette and Rossi were the only two in the hallway. If there had been a third person, Marinette would have seen them and would have said as such. But she didn’t. She said Rossi walked down those stairs calmly, laid down at the bottom, and only then started screaming.”

“She could have been confused!” Alya rebutted. “She was stressed and overwhelmed given the first accusation. She could have been looking away when Lila fell.”

“She said she saw Rossi walk down the stairs before she suddenly started screaming and claiming to be injured. And speaking of evidence, what were Rossi’s injuries from the stairs?”

Alya frowned, thinking back. “She had a bandage on her leg...”

“A single bandage.” Felix deadpanned. “Over her pants covering the ‘injured’ knee. Was she taken to the hospital? Was she seen by the nurse? Was there any confirmation of her having injuries besides her claiming to be in pain in a single spot?” He sneered. “Because it is rather fortuitous that someone would fall down a flight of stairs and receive no bumps, bruises, scrapes, or other injuries aside from some knee pain. Unless you’re saying physics would allow that.”

Alya drew back, curling in on herself.

Felix glared. “You are no Sherlock. You aren’t even a Watson. You are just someone so blinded by a bias that you would rather neglect evidence than give it your all for the sake of your other friend.”

“That’s not true!” She shouted, hurt. “I just…I just don’t want to…”

Oh.

…oh.

He closed his eyes. Rested his hand against his forehead.

So it was like that. How could he have overlooked this?

Cesaire was friends with two girls who could not get along and were in direct conflict with each other. She didn’t accept Marinette’s claims that Rossi was a liar, but she wasn’t willing to believe that Marinette would do the things Rossi claimed, either. She was…

He opened his eyes.

Depending on the outcome, this could make or break her friendship with either. Even if it was the “right” thing to do or the “truth”, it still stood to reason that Cesaire would feel hurt by it and lose a friend because of it.

And she was desperately trying to find a way to be able to believe in both.

Understandable.

Commendable, even.

But ultimately foolish. And more harmful than simply accepting the truth and choosing a side now. Sooner or later, this situation would tear her apart and force her to choose. And when the time came, the circumstances would escalate to such a point that it would be all the more likely she would not only choose wrong, but also be dragged down by it.

Felix would know. He had been in that position before.

He sighed. “Cesaire, I understand that when you have two people you care about at odds, you want to be able to keep both. But there’s going to come a point where you will have to take a side.”

The way things were going, she wasn’t going to be able to remain friends with both, not without ultimately losing them both anyway.

“Neutrality is just a way of not making a decision.“

“You sound like you speak from experience.” She commented, seeming subdued.

He paused at that.

Memories came to mind. Of a cold man. Of a sad woman. Of being surrounded by people who poked and prodded and pushed and pulled and twisted until he was shaped as they pleased. He was dragged into a life and lifestyle he never wanted, forced into a role without his say. It was only once he finally spoke up and chose to assert himself that things had changed.

And he realized something…

Part of growing up meant having to make choices and take accountability for those choices. Even not making a choice was in itself a choice, if only one of indifference or unwillingness to act.

That was why…

“What ended up happening?” She asked him.

“I tried not to choose until the decision was made for me. And by then it was too late. That was a choice I never wanted and the cost was time I will never be able to get back.”

It would remain one of his regrets for the rest of his life.

“You have to face facts here.” He told her sternly. “Their stories directly contradict each other. They can’t both be telling the truth.”

“I know.” She quietly admitted.

He nodded. “You have two people making different claims about the other. Rossi says Marinette bullied her. Marinette says that Rossi is making it all up. Both of them can’t be right.“

“But both can be wrong.”

“Unlikely.” 

“But still possible!” She insisted, remaining stubborn. “Maybe Lila just saw someone she thought was Marinette? Or someone could have tried to frame Marinette by fooling Lila?“

“Except that Rossi is very clear that it was Marinette she saw. The test answers were found in Marinette’s bag. The necklace was found in Marinette’s locker. And there was no one else in the hallway to push Rossi down the stairs.”

He rubbed his forehead.

”It comes to the same problem. Either Rossi is lying about Marinette, or Marinette really did do those things.“

”It could have been an akuma.” She suggested.

But he nixed that as well. “There wouldn’t have been enough time. Even during the attack on Heroes Day, there was a good hour between the time we saw that fake fight between the heroes and the attack of the scarlet butterflies. But here, the scarlet butterflies attacked almost immediately. As if they knew this was going to happen.”

Alya gaped. “That just means this was part of Hawk Moth’s plan!“

He frowned, actually curious. “Indeed. But how did he know it would happen?”

She looked away, considering. “Either he made an akuma to set up Marinette…”

“Which wouldn’t account for the timing of all three accusations or Lila’s involvement in those accusations.” He cut in. “And it just doesn’t seem possible with the short length of time between when the last point the akuma could have been there to push Rossi down the stairs and for the scarlet moths to attack.”

“Or…” Alya took a breath. “Or it was planned with one of the two individuals involved.”

He nodded. “And between Marinette and Rossi, which of the two honestly seems to be the more likely culprit. Which of the two of them had more to gain from the events today? Or at least less to lose from it?”

Alya grimaced and slumped onto the bench.

She knew.

She already knew that answer.

“Cesaire…” Felix softly called.

Heh. Funny. He almost sounded like he cared.

“I don’t want to lose a friend.“ She quietly admitted.

Felix sat next to her on the bench. “But if she’s been lying to you all this time, is she really a friend?”

She chuckled bitterly. “Is that why you never liked her?”

He couldn’t help the smirk. “My first day here, Marinette was trying to convince me to give everyone in the class a chance while Rossi was trying to convince me she was some sort of celebrity who could offer me connections I already had.”

Alya snorted at that. “She didn’t!”

He adjusted his shirt cuffs blithely. “Needless to say, I was wary of anything she had to say after that. Though I will admit that I still would never have considered her working with Hawk Moth.”

She laughed. A little bit in humor. A little bit in disgust. Even a little bit in relief that she finally had an answer, even if it wasn’t one she liked.

Speaking of answers though…

“Hey! I just realized!” She exclaimed as she spun on Felix.

He leaned away in wariness. There was a gleam in her eyes he wasn’t sure he liked.

“You’ve been calling Marinette by her first name!”

“And? It is her name, is it not?”

“You don’t call anyone by their first names!”

“Dupain-Cheng is a mouthful.”

“It’s the same number of syllables as Marinette!”

He looked away in annoyance.

“She is tolerable.”

She leaned closer to him, looking particularly smug. Felix immediately stood and turned away. Alya was certain he was blushing and trying to hide it.

Alya smirked. Did he really have a crush after all?

“Don’t you have a case to be investigating and a friend’s innocence to prove?” He questioned, still refusing to face her.

Oh, she certainly did.

But once this was over and certain liars were dealt with…

She was going to make Felix’s heart her next investigation!

#ml fic #felix culpa #pv felix #felix au #alya cesaire #marinette dupain cheng #lila sucks #ladybug episode #felix month #felix july

[mx-mituna]

Trigger Warning: saneism and ableism, specifically targeted towards schizospec, psychotic and delusional people; transphobia; swearing (lots of swearing); and all caps.

Care to explain yourself @mogai-watch ?

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from burnt orange to teal. This is the grandelusogender flag, exclusively for people with delusions of grandeur, for when these delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I am a very stable

genius;

Don't listen to fake

news;

It's all run by deep state

shills

paid off by the Jews.

I'm the most important

person,

so my gender must

reflect

my overwhelming

greatness;

y'all better show

respect." /End ID.]

Clearly this a punch in the face to anyone with delusions of grandeur. To compare them to Trump?! What the actual fuck made you think that was okay? Really, it's almost like you think delusional people are just inhuman things you can poke fun at.

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from dark red to light red to pink and back to red. This is the paradelusogender flag, exclusively for people with paranoid delusions, for when these delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I'm a nondysphoric

trans

and the cis are out to

get me;

every blog post that

they make

is about me- it's SO

shitty.

I better over-

compensate

for being called a

pretender by embracing my

delusions

and making them a

gender." /End ID.]

Trivializing paranoid delusions. Greaaat. /s You really do suck. I have paranoid delusions. People with paranoid delusions do exist and they can see what dickbags like you think of them. Honestly.

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from hot pink to pink to dark yellow to yellow to light blue to dark blue. This is the holidelusogender flag, exclusively for people with delusions of being divine, holy, demonic, or godly, for when these delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I'm a hellish being in

my delusions

and I have powers over stuff

like squeaky wal-mart

cart wheels

and jars of

marshmallow fluff.

This impacts my

gender,

how dare you

transmeds doubt it-

I am holidelusogender

and I won't shut up

about it." /End ID.]

This. Fucking this. Fuck you for writing this and fuck you for posting it. People who think they have powers ARE NOT JUST TODDLERS PLAYING PRETEND THAT YOU CAN PRETEND TO BE MORE MATURE THAN. Some people do have delusions that they have superpowers or godly powers!! That's a real thing!! They aren't a punchline or a stupid kid! They're real people with real mental illnesses that frankly have a hard enough time without shitheads like you adding to the stigma!!

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from dark pink to pink to red to orange to yellow to green to blue to dark blue.. This is the delusogender flag, exclusively for schizophrenic, psychotic or delusional people, for when delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I hallucinate spiders

on my hands

and this is how I

know I'm trans;

my body would not

change like this

if I were a filthy cis." /End ID.]

I- Do I really have to explain why this is shitty?? You're invalidating a fuck-ton of trans people right now by implying that people who hallucinate can't be valid. Also, this gender is impacted by delusions. Delusions and hallucinations are not the same. Would it kill you to do at least a little research from time to time?

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. The title at the top reads 'Errofluid. A gender which is fluid in relation to your psychotic symptoms.'. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"Even though my

psychosis

is medically-induced,

it is now my gender;

I find it of great use-

when gatekeepers

tell me

my gender can't

exist-

to play the

'psychosis' card

and call them ableist." /End ID.]

Really. Really. You actually think you can just invalidate people like this. PSYCHOSIS CAN AFFECT YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOURSELF, YOUR IDENTITY AND THUS YOUR GENDER. GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULL.

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. The title at the top reads 'Skhizeingender. A gender exclusively for schizophrenic/schizospec people for when your gender is affected by schizophrenia or hard to communicate because of your schizophrenia. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I found this really

cool disease

with a complicated

name

so now whenever I

fuck up,

it's the thing I blame.

But since I diagnosed

myself, I've become a bit

obsessed;

schizophrenia's my

gender, too,

'cause

schizophrenia's the

best." /End ID.]

Okay, so, making fun of people who self-diagnose as if a diagnosis and psychiatrists in general aren't expensive and to some people inaccessible. Wow. Good job. Truly you are a comedic mastermind. Brilliant. /s

This is beyond just making fun of the gender (which is shitty by itself). It's blatantly making a mockery of and dehumanizing the mental illness. So not only are you a transphobic piece of shit, you're also a saneist piece of shit! Congratulations!! /s

The way you're talking about delusions and hallucinations here are totally disgusting. "I hallucinate spiders on my hands/ this is how I know I'm trans/ my body wouldn't change like this/ if I were a nasty cis."?? Is that an attempt at humor? A pathetic crack at cleverness? Because it's not smart or funny. It's just gross. It's both attacking mogai people or people who use this neurogender and trivializing psychosis. And the one about holidelusogender? What the fuck was that?! You really think it's just a-okay for you to mock people with delusions, huh?

Are you trans and schizospec/delusional/psychotic? No?? Then shut up!! This doesn't concern you!! I'm trans, delusional and psychotic, so this does have something to do with me. And guess what?? These neurogenders are completely harmless! Helpful even! Having a loose grip on reality fucks with the way I perceive myself and others and thus the way I interpret gender. It's simple as that. That's why neurogenders are helpful labels, because neurodivergencies do affect gender and identity.

But please, feel free to argue with me. Maybe I'm just a subhuman psycho and I'm overreacting and you do, in fact, know more about being trans than an actual trans person would. Go on, justify this. Please. I'd love to hear your side of the story.

#cursed cactus thought #ableism #saneism #mogai-watch #anti transmed #anti truscum #actually mentally ill #actually psychotic #actually delusional #pseriouslypsychosis #psychotic #schizo spectrum #trans #ftm #ftx #neurogender #discourse #actually neurodivergent #rant #long post

[freetheshit-outofyou]

You seem to be one of the Flat Earth idiots. Let me spell it out for you. Trump and Dr. Atlas are not epidemiologists. Epidemiologists and real Doctors know the importance of wearing masks. Thing is you'll just be a dead idiot. More food and oxygen for me. Loser! Oh. And more bullets for me too.

Thank you for your wrong opinion and input.  Let me break it down for you in little words so you might be able to understand this without asking the person next to you for help.  I never claimed Mr. Trump or Dr. Atlas, who ever that is, are Epidemiologists. I have also never claimed they were Virologists, a field much more in the fight of a viral contagion. Clearly your brain cells have a hard time with science and deductive reasoning.     Let me help you, my lost little buddy. “By definition, epidemiology is the study (scientific, systematic, and data-driven) of the distribution (frequency, pattern) and determinants (causes, risk factors) of health-related states and events (not just diseases) in specified populations (neighborhood, school, city, state, country, global). It is also the application of this study to the control of health problems (Source: Principles of Epidemiology, 3rd Edition).” on the other side of that, “Virologists are medical doctors that oversee the diagnosis, management and prevention of infection. They’re also scientists, who may drive research on various aspects of viruses. A virologist may be both a scientist and a physician. They mix their time between working at the bench in laboratories and providing advice to staff across many different areas of the human and animal health service sectors.” Now that we know who the players are and their place in the fight I can tell you for a fact as someone who worked in viral/biological contagion filled environments NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PERSON WENT INTO THOSE ENVIORMENTS WEARING A MASK OR PROTECTIVE SYSTEMS MADE OUT OF GOD DAMNED T-SHIRT MATIREAL, not once, not ever. That mask you love to rub in people face is worthless, the surgical masks people are wearing is worthless. It is a band aid on a sucking chest wound, it is a feel good measure that has ZERO effect.  Side note: If masks were the key, why are infections still happening? And why, with millions wearing them, has the virus not been pined into pockets where people don’t wear them thus proving mask work? I know the answer, do you?

I know how crazy is it that Scientists and doctors don’t use PPE made from t-shirt marital or yards of fabric bought from Hobby Lobby, who knew.... Wait, everyone fucking knew, because you’ve seen actual professionals in contaminated environments never put that shit on before a purpose made protective system that is made to work, not made to look like it should work.  The last thing(s), Fit Testing and cross contamination control. That is not even on anyone's radar outside of the fields that use it. Bubba and Birtha are not fit testing their home made mask or their N95′s, or their paint respirators or anything else. They are also using filters that are well past their replacement date and prescribed continuous use directions.  You have a huge chance of contaminating yourself rather than getting it from direct exposure from another person. That 30 something in the produce section of your store who touched 29 apples and tomatoes to find the the right 3 made you sick. The person leaving the pisser before you that has not washed their hands in 3 days and you touched the stall and pisser doors after them, made you sick. You touching everything under the sun thinking a mask made you safe while also taking off or pulling down your mask off 30 times a day made you sick.  So little buddy, if you were hoping I would get sick and die, I doubt that will happen. If you were hoping to get a little more O2 because of my passing I am not sorry to disappoint you. If you were relying on my death to get ammo, well princess, jump if you feel froggy. For those following along on your Mask Nazi bingo card; Masks are good Mmm’k People (Sheeple) who follow every edict of the governments are good Mmm’k. Science is only good if it agrees with your slanted view Mmm’k. The 6 foot rule and social distancing will save us all Mmm’k. Loved ones dyeing alone in hospitals is for the greater good Mmm’k. For those of us in the real world; Do what makes you feel safe, wear masks or don’t, don’t gather together or do, understand that this is not a one size fits all situation. Every person will have to face this as an individual, no amount of group punishment will ever stop individuals from having free will. It will only empower CoVID Karen’s and Kevin’s into thinking its ok for them it get in your face (Breaking social distancing rules.) to tell you what a horrible person you are for not wearing your mask properly while pulling theirs down to cough and spit at you and your family as a form of punishment. Then they will have that crazy shocked “I can’t believe you just did that” look under their masks when you press it real hard against their face with your fist.  P.S. Please apologize to the person next to you right now for having read and explain so much of this to you. I really did not mean to impose on them with your ignorance.  P.P.S. Since this whole shit pie opened up in January I have logged 6872 miles up and down the West Coast. California, Oregon, Washington and Nevada, I have had to interact with the populations of those liberal hubs and most of the time they were not wearing masks. I have had to stay in hotel after hotel, had to eat out hundreds of times at this point. and guess what, I still have not gotten sick. Is that because I understand this mess more, or because I understand virial contamination better, or is it that this shit sandwich that we’ve all had to take a bite of (Thank you for that line Full Metal Jacket.) was made for us and derived via the TV and social media to scare you into submission? Be controlled if you want to be, I’ll pass. 

[absoluteindulgence]

HC: Hot Girl Summer with the Boys

A/N: Hey y’all, I’m back... Let’s party. This is a magical world where the Rona has not taken over the world and summertime was filled with nothing but fun and bad choices ✌🏿. Sorry that it’s long, I had a lot of thoughts lmao. I hope you guys like this~ Characters are aged up⬆🆙

☀ 🌞Mirio🌞☀

Staying home reading a book... just fucking kidding

Mirio couldn't keep his ass still even if you told him to

This man is taking you all over the world, every amusement park to every ride.

Ever looked fear in the face? Well, being in front of every rollercoaster multiple times means you have.

His true daredevil nature comes out as you both try to see who will last longer going down the roller coaster

You've wanted to throw in the towel many times, but persevered, beating Mirio by a landslide. 

Due to all the crowded lines and the fact that you're heroes, everyone lets you skip. You try being modest, but it doesn't work as the other patrons say, "Not only are you my favorite heroes but my favorite couple. You deserve to have fun!"

The willingness of everyone approving of your vacation time is gratifying, to say the least.

After spending time doing all the extreme rides, You guys enjoy all the other stalls.

Ironic enough, Mirio comes across the win-a-prize games and swears to get you one.

You try to tell him not to worry, but that fires him up more. I guess in his blonde brain, he thinks you don't want one, so he wants to prove your cute ass wrong.

And oh boy, did he.

He had accurate precision: Throwing the ball in the cup, throwing the hoop onto the bottle, shooting the paper plate off entirely.

Mirio the Assassin confirmed

After managing to win 4 STUFFED ANIMALS, 3 are for you while 1 goes to Eri.

The feels right in the kokoro~

With enough wins under his belt, Mirio treats you to bubble tea and taiyaki. With no shame, you stuff your face happy to finally enjoy food that won't come up.

"Wow, this taiyaki sure is great! But nothing is as sweet as you, baby."

Heart: ABLAZE

This goofball can't even let you enjoy your food in silence. But his honest smile compliments the moment as your flushed cheeks puff from drinking your favorite thirst quencher.

The day ends with you walking around the amusement park, arms full of toys, and finding a unique spot to watch the marvel of the sunset.

As you hold hands, a glance is shared as you two share a passionate kiss.

❄Shouto🔥

You guys are spending a lot of time reading manga and going to cafes.

Shouto lives to see you get dressed up as you let your hair flow in the wind (no matter how long or short, he knows you like the cool air on your scalp. The smile that spreads across your face is contagious as he stares at you with a similar grin)

Your beauty leaves all the other pedestrians gawking as Shouto, nonchalant but proud holds your hand.

Some fans come up to take selfies with you guys and damn do the photos look good. 

Going to various cafes through Japan has been a bucket list that you've shared since your first date. Rating each and creating a rating system. When all other plans fail, the top-rated are the ones you'll go back to.

The day is mellow, leaving you to stay inside because you feel like it. Cuddling with Shouto has proved to be an all-time favorite.

His light snores turn into light conversations. He has a hard time opening his eyes since he feels secure in having you by his side.

When you finally wake up, you cook together, his fave ofc, Cold-ass Soba. (One time you pranked him by boiling the noodles in strawberry milk, and he retaliated by putting pepper in your tea. On that day, you learned not to come between a man and his soba)

When yearning for a little excitement, you drag Shouto to a karaoke bar

He tries not to get too involved, but then you play one of his favorite angsty songs, and he's singing like one of the greats

You can't tell me that Shouto wouldn't vibe to Linkin Park, 3 Days Grace or The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (Especially when he hated Endeavor to his core)

Shouto would give an excellent performance to Breaking The Habit, Home, and Face Down. I FEEL IT IN MY SPIRIT!!!

The only way you feel like you'll win…. Is if you rap Monster (Nicki's Verse ofc) or sing My Heart Will Go On lmao

Shouto thinks you're cheating tho because those are your trump cards when all else fails lmaooo

After the scream-singing match is done, you guys go home and drink a bunch of tea, hoping your voices aren't gone by the morning

💥Bakugou💥

If you're going to an amusement park, y'all going straight to the "horror" houses.

You guys usually go in to laugh at the horrible attempts to make you scared. Until there's that one jump scare that makes your heart leap out your chest.

You're breathless with the mocking laugh caught in your throat as you grip close to Katsuki's side.

This fiery bastard laugh gets even louder seeing you cower in embarrassment. Once he's done making fun of you, he kisses your forehead.

"About damn time, you move in close."

Now say you're not at an amusement park? You guys are going to the spa.

Not because you're tense but because it's always funny seeing Katsuki tense up when they try to butter him with complimentary things (thanks to being top heroes).

He hates going to public spaces and getting stuff for free. He wants to pay for the experience so that no one can say he takes advantage of his status.

Although it creates funny scenarios, you respect how committed he is.

His reasoning is that he's a citizen paying another citizen for their service.

Granted, if the service is excellent, the worker is guaranteed a tip (depending on the country since he likes to follow customs).

The funniest thing is him coming from Massage therapy, he's a big ol’ softie.

The cuddles are intense, and his face never changes from the color pink, and his smile is curved too high.

Onlookers seeing him smile are terrified, and yet you are smushing his face between your hands kissing him all over.

"You look so relaxed, Boomer, let's take a bath together~."

Coming back to his senses, he'll grit his teeth a little and retort, "I'm not a damn Boomer!"

He's not mad that you called him that he's just mad you said it in public LMFAO

🌋Kirishima🌋

You guys are spending most of your time at the beach, soaking in the sun and enjoying his thick ass hands rubbing sunscreen all over your body

Don't let him see you enjoying it, he might have to pull you away from the public and give you that good ole sea cucumber

But when he can't get your sweetness right away, he'll have to push his energy into something else

And ofc, Kiri has an active personality, and when you mix that with demolishing opponents while playing volleyball, you too get into your competitive mode.

Anyone playing against you guys will catch HELL. Some cried from the impact of the ball, hitting them. Some deserving for the shit-talking...

Others getting sincere apologies and an autograph or picture lmao

Everyone on the beach knows you two as the power couple, and you win the nicknames, Otters of the Sand.

After kicking so much ass, you guys enter an eating contest as a team. Everyone's surprised to see how many bowls you've cleared. The appetite is already built up, so you guys are willing to stuff your faces until you're waddling back to the hotel.

And with the stamina you've gained at UA, you made it happen. In Second place to Kiri. He basks in his crown, winning first place, and you guys happily waddle back to your hotel room, taking a shower together then cuddling.

Imagine you guys decide to stay lax the whole summer, video, and card games are the vibe.

You try hard to kick his ass in Smash and end up losing... No matter who you main. You even try random (3 times) and still lose.

"Wow, Babe, you're doing well for a sore loser. You almost got a 3 stock victory!"

His laugh ticks you off even though he's just teasing you, and you wanna switch the game. Even in the back of your head, you deem it pointless, but he still obliges you.

No tlk angy frm l0sng😡💢

When you've played your last game, you accept your defeat only to tickle him into submission.

He apologizes and wraps you into a bear hug smothering you in kisses.

#mirio x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #kirishima x reader #Mirio Imagines #Shouto Imagines #Katsuki Imagine #Eijirou Imagine #mha x reader

[lia-jones]

Growing Together - Chapter Nineteen - Hamsa

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains a suicide letter, mentions violence, drug abuse, and rape. I tried to keep it light, but if you are easily triggered by such subjects, avoid the parts in italic.

Let no sadness come to their hearts

Let no trouble come to their arms

Let no conflict come to their eyes

Let their souls be filled with the blessing of joy and peace.

Hamsa Prayer (adapted by the author)

Victor sat in his study, staring at the three folders on his desk.

The covers were bare and unidentified so any potentially prying eyes wouldn’t guess their importance, but Victor had gone through them so many times that he could name all three without even opening them, knowing them just by the dents and folds on the cardboard cover. Needless to say, he could just as well set them on fire, he knew their contents by heart.

The first folder on the left contained intelligence regarding his long-time adversary, Lucien Xu. It contained detailed information cataloging his whereabouts and activities before and after the Blackout. Lucien Xu, AKA Ares, like all evolvers, had lost his powers and been given no choice but to live the life of a mere human, appearing to have abandoned the ambitions he had as an important member of Black Swan’s council.

Victor never knew exactly what had happened to Black Swan, as his memories of that time were hazy at best. He was able to recall some pivotal moments, like him being the one that caused the Blackout, or rescuing Mia from the Queen, but not much else. However, from what he did remember, he knew that he had been involved in some violent physical altercations. Consequently, it was easy to assume that a head injury or something similar was making it hard for him to retrieve all the data and connect the dots.

He had looked everywhere for the other members of BS, but only found a few, also leading normal lives far away. The rest of them were mysteriously gone, probably in hiding. Unfortunately, there was no new information that could help him piece together what had really happened. But most importantly, there was no logical answer as to why Lucien had decided to show his face presently or why he had taken such an interest in his wife.

It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that revenge was all Lucien was after, and Andrea was an easy target, given the role she played in Victor’s life. But Lucien wasn’t a careless fool; he wouldn’t risk his life because of a vendetta, especially now that he didn’t have his Evol to protect him. There had to be something else that Victor didn’t know, or worse, something he couldn’t remember. It was imperative that he discovered what it was. Maybe he would have to play some trump cards he would rather keep up his sleeve, but his wife’s safety was at stake. For her, he would stop at nothing.

The second folder’s cover was badly mistreated, due to the many times Victor had gripped it in anger. It concerned a man he hated with all his heart: Daniel, Andrea’s abusive ex-boyfriend. Besides some information about the shady operations the spineless piece of scum conducted---embezzlement and a few indiscretions of a sexual nature---the pages described extensively and thoroughly the progress of his current case in court, including the accusation and defense strategies and the evidence both sides possessed to corroborate it.

Daniel’s legal team had tried to extradite him to Portugal, knowing the bureaucracy that the country’s judicial system entailed would delay the reading of a sentence for years, providing him with plenty of time to either try to retaliate again or simply take all the money he had stolen and disappear. Naturally, Victor would never allow for either to happen, so after a few phone calls and the intervention of the CEO’s own legal team, Daniel’s request for extradition was denied. All that he had to do now was to ensure Daniel would get the heavy sentence he deserved. He would make sure the man who threatened his wife would spend the rest of his life behind bars, where he couldn’t hurt Andrea or anyone else, for that matter.

His wife knew nothing about his interference in Daniel’s trial, and it was critical that she remained ignorant of his actions. Despite understanding firsthand the gravity of the situation, she would never condone Victor using his influence to their own benefit, disregarding someone else’s rights, even if they were the ones of the man that had taken so much from her. Although Victor could understand the sentiment and usually despised such acts of nepotism, in this particular case he felt he was being quite benevolent: for someone who had hurt the woman he loved above any other, and had the audacity of trying to hurt her yet again, Daniel was lucky to see his life spared.

The third file was the most recent one, and the one that worried Victor the most at the moment. It was a background check on Pamela Cole, Owen’s biological grandmother. Victor had to admit, the woman was smart, she had played her cards right. Anyone who had ever read a magazine article about Andrea could see she was highly praised for not only her insightful mind, but also her kind heart, which made her a formidable woman, and also an easy target. Obviously, when the old woman humbly entered Andrea’s office telling stories of regret and hopes of forgiveness and reconnection, his wife’s heart softened. Victor, however, knew better.

It was obvious this woman wasn't concerned about her grandson, or else she would’ve looked for him sooner. Victor also didn’t believe her story of trying to turn her life around, he knew first hand that rarely ever happens. A mother who allows her own child to get molested by strangers isn’t the kind that changes or sees error’s in her ways. And judging by her clean criminal sheet, it wasn’t like she had acted out of suffering or despair. She had been careful; she didn’t want to get caught. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time someone had tried to tug at Victor’s heartstrings for his money. As soon as she got her hands on Owen, she would manipulate him, surreptitiously extorting money from Victor through his son. And that he would not allow.

No matter what Andrea said, that woman would never see Owen. Should she try to obtain visiting rights judicially, he was prepared. Even if her records were clean and he had no way to prove she was a bad influence on his child, he had one thing he could use. He opened Pamela’s folder, retrieving from it an old envelope. This piece of paper contained Owen’s inheritance, the very last proof of his mother’s love, her suicide note. This was his only weapon against that woman, where the girl clearly stated she didn’t want her mother to raise Owen. Victor couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he unfolded the old notepad sheet, stained with tears. What he read there was cruel and hurtful, but it was also a testimony of Owen’s mother’s love for her son.

My name is Rebecca Cole, and I’m 21 years old. The little boy that you’ll find next to me is my son, Owen. He’ll probably be scared. He loves chocolate milk, so give him some, maybe he’ll calm down a bit.

I never amounted to much, although I did try. My life is full of bad choices and evil people, except for the one that helped me conceive this little boy. I don’t want to name him, he doesn’t even know Owen exists, and that’s for the better. He’s in medical school now, he must be able to move on with his life without paying the price for my poor life decisions.

As you may have already noticed, I don’t have much to leave to my child. In fact, I own nothing that you see. Everything belongs to Stan, he’s buried in the back. I’m sorry, I had to do it. I couldn’t let him hurt anyone else.

There is no will, and no inheritance, just a story. A story that will maybe help you understand why I did what I did, why I left a sweet child behind. His heritage is ugly and troubled. But it is my story, and I want him to understand that I didn’t leave him. When I do what I’m planning to do, I have his best interest in my heart. Mommy loves you, Owen. That will never change. I promise I will always take care of you, even from Heaven, if it will have me.

I was born in the back of a rusty Honda my mom bought to escape her own mother. You see, my grandparents were religious and ashamed that their daughter was pregnant out of wedlock. They forced her to give me away, so she ran away with 20 dollars in her pocket, a duffel bag full of clothes, and the old car she bought with her meager life savings. After she heard my first cry she cut my umbilical cord with a pocket knife, wrapped me in an old sweater, and drove away in the rusty and bloody Honda.

At first, she did her very best to raise me. She worked as a waitress and would take odd jobs here and there to support us. But one day, I must have been around five, she ran into a friend from high school. That’s when she started resenting me. I lost my mother the day that old highschool friend told her she was married, living in a beautiful suburban house and with a baby on the way. All my mother couldn’t have. She wanted more, and I was the thing stopping her from having it.

I could tell you about the beatings, but I don’t want Owen to read about them. I could tell you that I was kicked around the house like a football and treated like I was some monster she had a hard time facing, let alone loving. I could tell you about the men that often shared her bed, only to hours later share mine, after she fell asleep. My mother would turn a blind eye to it, telling me that life was full of men that wanted things for free, and it would be better for me to just get used to it. So I did.

Funny how people sometimes talk about self-respect and dignity with their mouths full. A social worker once told me that I didn’t have to endure violence, but she doesn’t know my life. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be so love-starved that dignity and self-respect are merely ideas compared to the physical pain lack of love brings. I’ve seen men risk their lives with their families, comfortable lives, not because they need to satisfy a lusty hunger, but because they need to fill the holes in their chests.

As a teenager, boys didn’t interest me, as I already had men I didn’t want in my bed. But there was one that stole my heart: the only one that actually showed kindness towards me, Owen’s father. See, when you are love-starved and someone actually gives you love, even in a very limited way, you feel like you can conquer the world. I know he probably didn’t love me as much as I loved him, but he was nice to me. He took care of me and iced my bruises when things were a little rougher at home, and stayed with me by the bridge smoking joints when I was hiding from my mother or one of her boyfriends. And because of that, I gave my body and soul to that red-haired boy. I let him touch me like those other men would touch me, and though I could see he wasn’t as experienced, he was more loving. I got pregnant at 17.

The bad thing about heritage is that it’s like a story that tends to repeat itself over generations. I didn’t escape my mother’s house, but I was kicked out the day I turned 18, my belly large and round as a full moon. I did not have my son in a rusty Honda, but I did have him on the kitchen floor of the diner I worked at, also as a waitress. The cook cut my son’s umbilical cord with his kitchen knife. The owner helped me find a shelter until I could get back on my feet and gave me a small raise to help me raise my baby. In six months, I was able to rent a one-bedroom old crooked house in the suburbs. The owner sometimes would give me diapers and cash for some special favors. I did them all gladly. All I ever did was for my son. We lived happily for a year, sleeping in a queen-sized bed, watching cartoons during my free time. Owen was incredibly smart and learned to talk real soon. His hair grew to have little red curls, just like his father, and he was my true companion. I don’t know if he understood all the things I told him, but he always listened to me.

My bad choice was Stan. I was love-starved. I had only met one man who had ever been kind to me, and it was a boy with hopes and dreams of becoming a doctor. The burden of raising a child was too big for me to bear, and I needed someone to lean on. When Stan came with flowers and a promise of a happy life, although I didn’t love him, I took it. Owen needed a father, and I needed a husband. I didn’t want to become my mother. Her bed had seen more passengers than the city bus.

But Stan had no love to give. Stan was no different than all the other men that came to touch me at night. He only had demands and violence, and a bad taste for drugs. Whatever he had to give me, I took, I needed to numb the pain. I needed the high to stop caring, to stop feeling. But the high also made me stop caring for my son as he deserved. He deserves only the best.

When my son gets old enough to understand, tell him I’m sorry for not caring, tell him I’m sorry I left him alone with Stan so many times. I didn’t know, or didn’t want to believe, and it was only when I saw the bruises in this little body that I fully understood what was happening. That is my biggest regret. That I didn’t see it fast enough.

I could see the red flags rising, my heritage catching up with me, and this time I had to do something about it. I waited until Stan fell asleep and injected him with enough heroin to drop a horse. I know what will happen to me, I know soon enough I’ll be in jail, maybe for a lifetime. And I can’t burden my son with that. And to be honest, I’d rather have a quick death than a slow painful life.

I know Owen can survive my death. He is a beautiful and smart child, he will find someone who loves him. This is my gift to him. A ticket out of here.

This is why I do this. Because I want to end this shitty heritage. Look for no kin, the only one left is my mother, and I don’t want her raising him. This must end with me. With me gone, he gets another chance to be someone else. A bad one or a good one, I have no idea. But surely a different one. Whether he is a doctor like his father, or a waiter like his mother, I hope at least he is not love-starved. If one day he asks why I died, tell him it was because I loved him more than my own life. He should feel loved at all times. Please love him like he deserves.

With all the gratitude in my heart,

Becca

Victor folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope. He didn’t know Becca, but he knew despair. And he knew what it was like to love like that. So deeply that life was meaningless if it wasn't devoted to the loved one’s happiness.

The knock on the door made Victor shift his focus to reality, quickly taking the three folders and putting them in his drawer. A second later, he heard a familiar, loving voice.

“Are you done with work? I’m going to get Owen in bed.”

Without a word, Victor got up from his chair and walked to his wife, taking her in his arms, planting a kiss on her hair.

“Everything ok?” She watched him carefully. “You look tense.”

“And you look tired.” He playfully turned her in his arms so she would face the door, pushing her to leave. “Come on. We need to put our son and then you in bed.”

His whole world fit perfectly in Owen’s bed: the boy in the middle, Victor and Andrea laying beside him. Despite being able to read perfectly at the age of 5, Owen began to appreciate the comfort of a bedtime story and would ask for one whenever possible. Andrea would convince Victor to read it because she loved how he would use different voices for different characters. And although he was extremely embarrassed at first, as soon as he saw the excited look in his son’s eyes and heard his wife’s amused giggles, he fully embraced his part, using the deepest voice to depict a big scary monster or a higher pitch to illustrate a naive princess.

As he reached the final pages of the book, Victor put aside the voices as usual, using his softest tone to lull his son to sleep. That particular night, his technique worked way too well: as he closed the book and gazed at his slumbering son, he found his wife curled against the little boy, eyes also closed, breathing slowly and deeply. He took the time to watch them, sleeping soundly, unaware of the evil in this world.

He would do anything to keep this bliss. His bliss. He would keep them safe, their smiles bright and happy, without the shadows of this world. No matter what it took.

#victor mlqc #victor mldd #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #mldd fanfic #love and producer #growingtogether #Growing Pains - Series #victor x oc

[yodawgiherd]

Red flag pt.2

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Q and A sessions are surprisingly fun to write. Rating still M, I'm not thErE yEt. ^^

A week.

One week was how long Mikasa managed before the curiosity killed the proverbial cat and her fingers tapped the name of the newest addition to her contact list. Eren picked up on the fifth ring, sounding sleepy, which she thought was strange considering that it was about two in the afternoon.

“Yeager.”, came his muffled voice, followed by a yawn.

It took her a second before Mikasa realized that she didn’t give him her number, as per their agreement, so he had no idea who’s calling.

“Hey, it’s Mikasa.”, she re-introduced herself, “Remember me?”

There was a sound on the other end, a shuffle of bedding as he sat up straight.

“Of course I do, the pretty girl with the pretty name.”

“The one and only. Listen, is that lunch offer still on the table?”

“Totally, just tell me the place and time and I’ll be there.”

“Really? I can pick anything?”

He chuckled at how excited her voice became.

“I’m not a picky eater.”

“And it’s still on you, right?”

“Yep.”

“Well then…”

The sushi place was fancy, far above her poor-ass student budget. She was there twice so far, once Levi treated her when the news of Mikasa being accepted at the university arrived, and once when it was her birthday and Sasha decided to splurge for her best friend. And boy did Mikasa love both those experiences. She felt a bit guilty, abusing Eren’s blind trust like that, but hey, he offered it first, and judging from the state of his flat, he wasn’t doing half bad for himself. If it came to the worst, Mikasa was prepared to split the bill, she did have some money from her part-time job. The food was worth it.

Eren wasn’t there when she arrived, so Mikasa picked a table, getting herself comfortable. When the waitress came, she almost sent her away, to wait for Eren, but then reminded herself that she’s , most likely, not paying. Appetizer it was. When he finally arrived, she was already halfway done with the fried chicken pieces, which earned a raised eyebrow.

“Hungry?”, he asked, removing his coat and sitting down himself.

“Famished.”, she agreed, “Forgot to eat breakfast.”

She skipped breakfast willingly to save space for this feast, but that was something Eren didn’t need to know. Most likely satisfied with her little lie, he nodded before picking up the menu himself. The evening progressed with somewhat casual conversation and excellent food. Eren asked her how she’s doing lately, and Mikasa described the procrastinating bliss she’s been living in since her last exam. That paradise was coming to an end, however, as she needed to get out of the city soon and back to her hometown.

“To visit your parents?”, he asked, understandably not knowing the bitter truth that Mikasa wasn’t ready to share yet.

Instead, she shook her head.

“No, I have a part-time work at my brother’s gym.”, she pointed towards herself, “One personal trainer, right here.”

Luckily, Eren didn’t press the issue. The way he knew when to stop asking was an amazing thing, and Mikasa secretly wished that more people would be born with that gift. To break the silence that followed, and to change the course of the conversation, Mikasa decided to strike back.

“So, Eren, how about we stop beating around the bush.”

His grin was cheeky.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Please, as if you don’t know why I came here in the first place.”

He picked up one sushi roll that he was eating, with a fork like a damn savage, turning it against the light.

“The free food?”

She scowled at his amused expression.

“Because of my amazing company?”, he guessed again, getting a sigh in return.

“As if.”

“Wow, you hurt me.”

The smile present in the answer was infectious, and Mikasa had a hard time resisting it.

“You are quite the egoist, aren’t you?”

“So I’m told.”, Eren shrugged, unbothered by that accusation.

Unsure how to continue, Mikasa massaged her forehead. This guy was something else.

“Since it’s so important to you, “ Eren offered, “Why don’t you just ask?”

“Fine.”, looking back up, she met his emeralds with her own eyes, “What do you do for a living?”

“Care to guess first?”

More games? Fine, you’re on.

“Okay, sure.”, putting her chopsticks down, as she was a civilized person, Mikasa rested her chin on her intertwined hands, “Let’s go over what I know then. First, there is this strange… rope fixation you have, and you said that was caused by your job, right?”

“It’s not only ropes,”, he corrected her, “But it is related to my job, yes.”

“Second, when I called you yesterday you were still in bed, and it was around two, which means that you work late at night, right?“

“I could have been gaming all night, didn’t think about that?”

“Maybe, but maybe not. I’ll take my chances.”

“All right, then put the two together. What do you think I am?”

“A smug bastard.”

Of course he grinned at that.

“That’s true. But professionally?”

Putting on her best thinking hat, Mikasa rolled the facts around in her head.

“A policeman?”, she tried.

“Not a bad guess, handcuffs and night shifts.”, Eren took the time to have a dramatic sip before finally revealing the truth, “But you’re wrong. Try again.”

“Some sort of artist then?”

His eyes narrowed.

“I guess you could say that. But what kind do you have in mind?”

“Singer?”

“Nope.”

“Painter?”

“No.”

Mikasa tried a few more art-related jobs that would fit Eren’s profile, but he shot down all of them. At the end of her rope, she pulled out a trump card. Even looking objectively, outside of that “he was totally her type” thing, Eren was very attractive. Combine that with strange working times and….

“Are you a model?”

“Yea…..Nope.”

Damn it. Out of ideas, Mikasa put up her palms in the international gesture of surrender.

“Ok, I give up.”

“Guess we will never know then.”, Eren leaned back in his chair, smugger than ever before, “What a disappointment.”

Out of words and completely against her usually serious character, Mikasa kicked him under the table. Hard.

“Ow, what was that for?”

“Spill the beans, Eren.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll kick you again.”

Rubbing his shin and not sure that his bones would survive another kick like that, Eren decided that the teasing stage was over.

“Very well then.”, leaning closer, he put both his elbows on the wood, looking right into Mikasa’s eyes when he spoke.

“I’m a dom.”

The clueless look on her face was priceless.

“H-Huh?”

“Dom, master, and a hundred other ways you can call it.”

In slow motion, Eren watched as that clueless expression changed. With words falling and clicking into place, the not-understanding look was replaced by a blush that began creeping up to her cheeks. In short, it was adorable.

“Y-You mean like… like….”

“Yes.”

“Err… I…”

And Eren waited patiently, finishing his drink, while Mikasa kept trying to say a word and completely failing at it. It took her about five minutes before she finally closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, and steadied herself.

“So you’re like a s-sex worker? P-Prostitute?

“No and yes.”

“Huh?!”

“Technically, you’re right. But since I don’t have sex with my clients, I don’t usually call myself sex worker.”

“Ok, I’m lost.”

“Well, it's actually quite easy. I fulfill the fantasies of the client, I take care of their needs, I make them…. Err..”, he looked around to see if no one was around – they were in public after all, “…finish, but I don’t do it myself.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“I’m saying that I can satisfy my clients needs without doing it the old-fashioned way. God bless technology.”

Mikasa was rubbing her forehead now, taking the information in.

“And your clients… what are they?”

“I deal with women exclusively if that’s what you are asking. But if you have a male friend in need of similar services, I know a great dominatrix, mistress A, that can take them, she’s a real top of the class. She was my…”, his gaze slid over Mikasa’s face, lingering over the shape of her eyes for a second, “ senpai back when I was beginning.”

She groaned. He had to use that word to tease her, abusing the weakened mental state she was in right now – she couldn’t think of a comeback. And, to salt the wound, he was grinning again.

“You can’t dump something like this at me without any explanation.”, Mikasa demanded, “How did you even end up working like this?”

“It’s…”, kind of personal, he was about to say, but then he met Mikasa’s eyes and that defense he usually held up around his secrets melted.

It was crazy, he didn’t even know the girl that well, he had no idea what she was truly like. But she was here, sitting across the table, and her grey eyes saw right through him. And he… he simply told her.

“When I was a kid, I was a bit fucked up. My dad…. He was not exactly a great role model. My mom was his second wife, he left the first after having a kid with her.”, he answered her follow-up question before she even asked, “Yes, I have a half-brother but we are not in contact. After leaving her, he married my mom and had me. I can’t say that he was a bad guy, from what little I remember, but he was hardly ever home. And one day, he completely disappeared. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead, neither does mom, and the police couldn’t find him. He’s gone.”

Mikasa, who had her own tragic parents-related story, remained silent, knowing that even years later it is hard to talk about stuff like this. Eren took a small break, a sip of water, and went on.

“I had a lot of issues from that, anger mostly. I lashed out on anyone or anything that I didn’t like, punching before asking. Bloodying people and getting bloodied myself was the only way to get the anger out, I did not know any better. You can imagine that didn’t go well in school. Mom did her best to keep me in line, but it was hard for her, too hard at times. Through sheer luck and endless patience of my teachers, I managed to graduate, but the anger inside me didn’t die. Even as an adult, I was a colossal dickhead. But all that changed shortly after I turned eighteen and moved to college.”

“Why?”

“Because I met her.”

Who? and How? were on the edge of Mikasa’s tongue, but she held those questions in. Eren would tell her.

“It was one of the college parties, you know how those go. I was there mostly to get drunk and get into a fight with someone because that was about everything I cared about back then. I succeeded in that too, I punched some blonde dude in the face and he didn’t take that lightly.”

“Did you beat him up?”

To her surprise, Eren tipped his head back and laughed.

“No. The dude completely wrecked me. He was a titan, both taller and heavier than me, and I later learned that he was a boxer as well. When I woke up from the beating he so generously gave me, I saw that a blonde girl had dragged me out on the lawn and was standing there still, waiting. Naturally, as I was a real gentleman back then, I spat out the blood in my mouth, told her to fuck off and tried getting up. Do you know what she did?”

“No idea.”

“She slapped me. Hard. I called her a stupid bitch, and she slapped me again. The third time, I got about two syllables out before her palm made another imprint on my face. And after all that, she kissed me, and I realized I was never so turned on in my life.”

Mikasa honestly didn’t know what to say.

“That’s….random?”

“I was a raging asshole back then Mikasa. I know that saying it now, it looks like she was acting out of her mind, but you weren’t there.”, Eren shook his head, “Anyway, that’s how I met the future mistress A. Annie.”

“How did she even know that you won't just flip out after she slaps you?”

“She didn’t. Later she told me that it was a hunch on her part, that watching me get into a fight with that giant for no good reason tipped her off, showed her that I might have some anger issues.”

“So, after that, she showed you the ropes?”

He didn’t miss the reference, it earned a respectful nod from him.

“Yes. She was already working as a domme, on her own back then, and mostly for fun and the experience. Annie was older than me by a year, and she spent that year mostly half-assing school and perfecting her skill for her future job.”

“What happened after that party? Did you two became a couple?”

“Not really. We didn’t date, like at all, but we became good friends, and Annie would train her techniques on me.”

“So what, she like tied you up from time to time?”

He nodded.

“That and other things. We practiced on each other, but we never made it sexual. I know it sounds crazy, but you didn’t meet Annie, she’s can drip hot wax on your nipples without batting an eye. I’d say that’s part of her charm, she’s completely stoic while working.”

“And you?”

“Honestly, in the beginning, it was weird as hell. But when we kept doing it, I realized that my anger was subdued by it, that this helped me overcome it for the first time in my life. With all the discipline and focus this required I managed to be in control of my life for what felt like the first time.  It was still difficult for me from time to time, I admit, but Annie was always there to put me back to my place.”

“How did she know that this was what you needed?”

“Annie also had… issues when she was younger. And this thing helped her through it, so she thought I might be the same. For the record, she was right.” Eren was having a pleasant memory trip, and Mikasa kept silent, not wanting to interrupt, “Anyway, after I realized that I prefer being the top, Annie found me a girl who liked being the bottom.”

“Finally a girlfriend?”, Mikasa tried again, but he chuckled.

“Nope, this one had a catch too. She was mostly a lesbian.”

“Mostly a lesbian?”

“Yea, she’s bi, but prefers women.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Why would I? She was tiny and amazingly flexible because she does gymnastics. Incredible performance partner, I still work with her from time to time.”

“But why didn’t she find a female partner then? If she prefers women that is.”

“She did, sort of, Annie worked on her too sometimes, I think that was why she even agreed to do it in the first place. But with a blindfold around her eyes and tied up so she couldn’t touch us, she kind of stopped caring who’s holding the vibrator.”

Mikasa felt like this was all a big joke, but Eren was completely serious.

“You had this little triangle of fun for how long?”

“Till we graduated. After that, Annie and I found the agency and got employed there, and Krista went on to become a doctor.”

“I’ll presume that Krista was that flexible one?”

“You’d presume correctly.”

“She’s a doctor, but she still does… things? With you?”

“She performs with us sometimes if that’s what you’re talking about. Nothing else.”

“You want to tell me that you’ve been doing BDSM…. stuff to each other for years and never fucked?”, Mikasa shook her head, “I don’t buy it.”

“You don’t have to, but it’s the truth. My relationship with both Annie and Krista was strictly professional, however crazy that sounds.”

“Then how did you develop your “can’t have sex until the girl is tied up” thing.”

“I dated in college normally, not much mind you, but a few flings found their way to me. Then it was pretty simple. When I had normal sex, I didn’t find myself half as aroused as I was when Annie slapped me for the first time. So I tried getting my hobby into play.”

Hobby, that’s one way to call it.

“And how did it go?”

“Not great. The first two girls said that I’m a creep and left. But the third one agreed and…”, Eren leaned back again, folding his hands behinds his head, “best sex of my life.”

“Fine, but if you enjoy it, why don’t you do it at work then? I’m sure some of your clients would appreciate it.”

“I’m sure they would, but I have this strange need to differentiate between work and pleasure - I think I caught it from Annie. I can’t get into it when I know that the person I’m tying up paid for it.”

“Strange.”

Eren didn’t argue.

“Strange indeed.”

All right, cool info dump and all, but Mikasa was more confused than anything. He was a sex worker BUT he didn’t have sex with his clients BUT he preferred to have the toys in bed while doing it. What the hell?

“Can you like, describe what you do then? I still can’t wrap my head around it.”

Eren shrugged.

“Sure. After making the initial contact, through the agency of course…”

“You’re still at the same one?”

“Yup, much easier that way. Don’t have to deal with things.”, Eren scrunched his nose, “Like taxes.”

“Okay, so some bored lady picks you at your company’s website, and then what?”

“Then we do the first meeting, through phone, email, or in person, that’s up to the client. There, we discuss important things, like what my hard limits are.”

“Which means?”

“Things that I won’t do, for various reasons.”

Mikasa didn’t ask what those were, so Eren continued.

“With that out of the way, we talk about what my client wants, what sort of fantasy I would be fulfilling. Once I have a picture in my head, I recommend the place to meet – one of the places owned by the agency, dungeons if you want, or even the clients own place.”

“You go to people’s homes with that?”

“If they want it, yes. It fits the best for certain scenarios, and people usually feel much more comfortable there.”

“And they trust you? I mean, you could tie them up and rob the place.”

“Would you believe me if I told you that I never thought of that?”, Eren scratched the back of his head, “That’s a valid thing what you said, but I have the agency to vouch for me.”

“Okay. And then?”

“Then we meet at the place we picked, have a quick recap to make sure I’ll do everything she wants, pick a safeword and we are good to go.”

“And you do what?”

“Mikasa, my range of services is very wide.”, putting one hand on the table, Eren began counting, finger by finger, “Bondage, suspension, pain stuff like caning, whipping and more. Waxplay, petplay, some electro, and…”

“Ok, ok! I heard enough!”

“I’d imagine so. From how you reacted when I put the rope around your hands, let me guess that you are very vanilla, right?”

“Huh?”

“It means like basic – that you don’t do anything strange in the bedroom.”

“No, I…”, Mikasa ran her hand over her somewhat heated forehead, “I’m very vanilla.”

“Weird.”

She fixed him with a look.

“Why is that weird?”

“It’s just…” he gestured towards her, “People with your style are usually into it.”

“My style? You mean black?”

“Dark, goth, however, you want to call it.”, he reached up, tapping his ear, at the same place where Mikasa’s cartilage was pierced, “And those things are also not completely usual.”

“I guess I am a bit strange, but nothing compared to you, sir. I never even imagined….”

“Well, the big mystery is over, the cat is out of the bag.”, he looked at her with a strange emotion in his eyes now, one that Mikasa couldn’t quite decipher. It looked like… worry?

“We can still be friends, right?”, he asked.

It was not like Eren did anything bad to her, and while his job was a bit shocking, he was still nothing but the perfect gentleman.

“Right, of course. I… I’ll need some time to digest this, I think.”

Eren watched her, tapping his fingers against the table, teeth chewing his full bottom lip. He was thinking about something, Mikasa could tell, but before she could ask, he dropped the bomb at her.

“Come to one of my shows.”

“Huh?”

“My shows. I don’t do individual clients only, I perform at clubs too. BDSM clubs that is. I’ll write the address down.”

She was shaking her head before he even finished the sentence.

“N-No, I.. .No... I’d never.”

“I’m not asking you to take part, there will be plenty of people as spectators. And don’t worry about being recognized or something, the club is members only and you can grab a mask at the entrance if you want, your identity will be safe.”

His words burned with intensity now, but his eyes did even more, and Mikasa was drowning in it.

“W-Why is it so important to you?”

“Because I can see how you look at me now. You think that I’m some sort of pervert, that I what do is unnatural, not normal. I want to show you that it can be beautiful too, that there is nothing wrong if two consenting adults have a go at something like this.”

“I.. Uhm…”

The address written on a napkin, Eren slid it over to her.

“Listen, I obviously won’t force you into anything, this is your choice. The show is next week and then again in two weeks. You said that you are leaving the city soon, right?”

She nodded, wordless.

“Is it far? Or could you theoretically come back for the evening?”

“It’s not that far.”, Mikasa replied, finding her voice again, “Like an hour and a half drive.”

“All right. Let’s put it like this, if you want, come to the second show, the one that is two weeks from now, the club will be less packed, and I will tell the bouncer to let you in. Just let him know that Eren sent you. If you don’t want to, that’s fine too, I will understand.”

She nodded, once again retreating to no-words strategy. Eren took it as a cue, standing up.

“I’ll go settle the bill.”

When he came back, he grabbed his coat, putting it on while Mikasa sat there, gears in her head turning.

“If you won’t show, I’ll know that you are not interested in that part of my life, but that doesn’t mean we can’t meet again. Right?”, he smiled at her, “If you ever want a free lunch, give me a call, okay?”

That said, Eren half-turned towards the exit, ready to go when Mikasa’s voice interrupted him.

“Eren?”

“Yea?”

“Give me your phone.”

He did so automatically, even unlocking it for her. It wasn’t like there were any more dirty secrets he had to hide from her, not after today. Mikasa worked for a while, tapping the screen before she set it back on the wood and slid it over to him. Picking the device up, Eren saw that he had a new contact added – certain Mikasa Ackerman.

“This will be easier if we have a way to get in touch with each other right?”

Now he was the one dumbly nodding.

“Right…”

“I don’t know if I will turn up for your show, but I want to meet again. I don’t want to cut and run because of what you told me today. You’re a nice guy.”

“You’re saying that because I bought you lunch.”, Eren accused her with a smile, getting some bravado back.

She winked at him.

“Perhaps.”

Still smiling, Eren pocketed his phone, feeling like he got more out of this meeting than he even dared to hope for.

“Well, I’ll see you around then, Mikasa.”

“Take care Eren.”

She watched him leave the restaurant, her own lips curved upwards. When he disappeared from view, she ran her hands through her hair, a half-amused/half-nervous giggle falling from her lips. She had never asked this many questions in her life, not even in her classes. And the answers she got were…. something else.

This guy? This guy was getting more interesting by the second.

#fanfic #snk #eremika #why yes I do prefer doing new drafts instead of finishing WIPs #how could you tell?

[lunelantern]

~Sasusaku analysis ~

                               ~~ Sasuke and Sakura - - pair analysis ~~                                            ~THE BRIDGE SCENE~                            (Team 7 Reunion - - after the Five Kage Summit)

                                           ---   PART 4---

How would anyone act when given an impossible choice: be a shinobi or a lover.

This scene suggests that one can't be both (Zabuza states that they can't be both and the human wins every time, albeit Naruto begs to differ and state that it is realistic and achievable to balance the two antithetical perspectives).

"Kill her and I'll accept your offer." Sasuke gives her a pill of her own medicine. Because he doesn't speak randomly for the sake of conversation, cruelly with seemingly no remorse lingering in his heart, Sasuke gives Sakura one example of how her life would be if she were to join him; the life of an outlaw where murder and disposing of people like nothing would be ordinary.

Plus, the scene is also symbolic; Sasuke asks a famous medic - - his following sentence is more than revealing for he knows very well that Sakura is a medic - - to kill a suffering person, when the very essence of her jobs nature AND her symbolism in the manga as the representative of rebirth and regeneration  is to heal, to cure, to lessen one's pain.

By joining him, Sakura would give up on her own self (Naruto answers to her shrouded confession that no sentient bring should event lose himself and betray his own morals, principles and feelings "I hate people who lie to themselves"). Hypothetically, Sasuke shows Sakura a glimpse into how her future beside him would look like.

Albeit is kosher and nuanced, barely noticeable, Sasuke still has a good nature and he proves he cares; he doesn't snap at her, he doesn't launch an attack, he takes his time to lecture her in his own blunt and sarcastic manner.

In the light of the most recent events - - Itachi’s death, the Kage summit, Danzo, Obito and his confession about Uchiha - - Sasuke might arguably have his ration altered, with interlaced moments of lucidity and madness, triggered by the emotional trauma, extreme stress and because he is being provoked. And that makes his moves seem mad, unusually erratic and exaggerated (his famous mad  laughing moment when he shouts to Kakashi that no one could ever bring his family back and restore that status quo - - a doctrine that the manga embraces).

But that's not the case; not with Sasuke and not in this scene.

The overly popular consent postulates that "Sasuke went mad/ he is crazy". Which isn't the truth at all, but it's so facile to superficially judge a character with no proper introspection.

He is not mad at all. Nothing in his demeanor reveal that Sasuke lost the clarity or the ration and his furious state must not be mistaken for insanity.

Sasuke is perfectly lucid. He's, calm, composed, enigmatic, his words have double meaning, he is coherent, analytical, tactical and he knows perfectly well what he is saying; he has complete control of his thoughts.

The fact that his following  conversation with Team 7 steals exacerbated reactions from him is due to the fact that he's more emotionally attached to them and thus his emotions would be pushed to extreme; he'd be more expressive and his rage would be more evident.

Sasuke is less reserved with Team 7 because he's emotionally involved; it’s very personal. But that doesn't make him a mentally deranged man.

He even kept his lucidity and perfectly placated Danzo with a sparkling strategy; he had enough lucidity to analyze Danzo's attacks and outsmart him, despite the emotional trump card of psychological upper hand that Danzo supposingly had on him. Even Obito himself thought at some point that Sasuke has lost it and he's only launching at Danzo erratically, aimlessly in his crazed mind, like Juugo. But it wasn't the suicidal rampage of a crazed man. Sasuke fooled everyone into thinking that he does not know what he is doing / that he lost it.

Nowhere in his attitude or his manner of speaking does Sasuke seem crazy and that's luckily to Sakura because she exposed herself to a ridiculously deadly situation. She came before him like it's a cakewalk with a confusing and conflicting strategy - - if it even existed.

That's the beauty of this pair. It's refreshing and novel, the dynamics are exciting, it lefts the reader constantly guessing and the finale isn't predictable. They aren't a cliché couple. Their movements, the inner feelings, the evident indecision and introspective turmoil is fabulous.

Sakura's ambiguous intentions and Sasuke's personal manner of speaking, his body language, her evident conflict and bedraggled approach are confusing and enigmatic. We keep in guessing what did she hope to accomplish?

Her presence alone holding a lethal weapon that she plans to use on Sasuke and the mention of the word "kill" on her lips when talking about Sasuke the man she loves might be symbolic for how much she treasures the bond with Naruto and how much she regrets for her innocent, naïve plea to bring Sasuke back.

A bond of blood, pain, rancor and emotional torment that she created, a harpoon of tm emotional trauma and torture for Naruto who didn't deserve it. Her present alone with murder intent is an attempt to free Naruto her best friend from this curse (a repentine decision taken after her "confession" failed - - her attempt to free Naruto from that promise failed because Naruto suggests that the supposed burden of her promise was also a conjoined personal motivation).

And maybe Sakura wants to confirm her own feelings and proceed from there: does she love him now when he's gone to this lengths or did her feelings changed for this new Sasuke and she'll be able to fulfill her shinobi duty?

That's how her disarrayed moves and the lack of any proper prior plan could be explained. She wanted to confront her own emotions and the best way to do so was to meet Sasuke herself and assess the situation with her own eyes and her suspicions coupled with the rumors about him lead to the verdict: he is not the same Sasuke that she fell in love with.

Solidifying Sasuke's role as a character with great development in the Manga (a Bildungsroman which follows the evolution of a character from childhood to adulthood, which emphasizes and supports the moral of the story). In antithesis with Naruto who is a linear character who didn't change in the bit, Uchiha is a dynamic character who evolves and never stays the same.

Both Sakura and Karin make it perfectly clear that Sasuke is not static like an unperturbed lake with no ripple to break the mirror-like stillness of its surface. He's a vivacious ocean - - unpredictable and fulminant with constant vicissitudes between tranquility and serenity and turbulent storms.

Sakura confronts her own feelings by approaching Sasuke and realization almost costs her life - - her heart gives us the painful confirmation that she loves him, still helplessly loves him ardently, in a moment when there's no safe turning back.

A moment of hesitation is lethal for a shinobi. A moment of indecision or unfortunate choice comes with devastating consequences.

She reveals her poisoned kunai from under her clothes while indecision takes control over her reeling emotions and fogged lucidity. Simultaneously, Sasuke prepares his Chidori and prepares to strike his attack.

The manga is very descriptive and suggestive. The transitions denote melodious cursively and the flow and cohesion of their interplay is assured by the constant introspection into the characters minds and hearts as the silent face expressions and body language emphasize their dialogue.

Sasuke sees Sakura's internal turmoil. He notices how she reviews her own feelings for he did the same when he heard the truth about Itachi. She's analyzing her feelings for him as he silently allow her to make a decision, up to the very last moment - - he wait for her to get close to him while he won't let any other enemy with murder intent to get so close to him.

Waiting for her to decide, to make up her mind, to choose the road to take and dictate the course of action. Up to the last moment when she reveals her kunai and her mind decides that "she doesn't matter", meaning that she won't comply with his request to kill Karin and "prove" her loyalty and feelings to him.

The implicit dubiety in Sasuke's voice has a moral purpose behind: in a couple, trust is fundamental for a healthy relationship. Love isn't enough when it’s not coupled with trust and respect.

When trust misses, there can't be any romance between two parties and that's what Sasuke's ironic and daring words mean when he dares Sakura to prove her loyalties and back up her confession.

Yes, she might love him but she won't do everything he asks and she does not NEED to comply to his requests. Sasuke tells Sakura that she does not BELONG to his world now. To this version of reality, according to the script of this play he can't be her lover, the one she dreams of.

His eyes, the mirrors of the soul as the symbols of the Third Eye in Buddhism - - the omnipotence of the one who beholds all the wisdom and knowledge / the spiritual part represented by Sasuke's Yin avatar - - are always scrutinizing and introspective. Sasuke is following Sakura's mimics, gesture and reactions with hawkish diligence, attentive and meticulous.

He sees right through her deception; he might not have accumulated enough life-experience, wisdom and information to unravel Itachi's truth ("how far can you see with that Sharingan of yours, Sasuke?"), but he sees right through Sakura's soul, reading her like an open book, every page and every line. She's transparent in front of the man she loves.

It can't be any different because romantic bonds are unique; nothing can begin to compare or come close to. There's nothing else tangible to compare romantic love with, nothing that can offer such a complete body and soul experience.

It's very difficult to draw a kokeshi doll mask on the face of a lover because primal instinct makes one react differently, in a peculiar manner in the presence of the loved one.

Is primal, animal instinct to entice and attract the attention of a potential match and thus it makes it difficult to fight against such strong innate reflexes.

For both Sasuke and Sakura, the primeval instinct to be a couple is very difficult to placate and hide. Sasuke makes it obvious from his tempered gestures, for how he allows her closer to him than anyone, and from he way he talks to her - - the syntax of the phrase and the choice of words are all very intimate, very personal.

And Sakura's pendulating actions shine with confusion and indecision, the inner turmoil revealing as theatrical and dramatic: she alternates between blubbing and shouting, rasping and barking at him and getting emotional and mellower with him.

The look in their eyes is one of this pair’s most symbolic feature. Since Japanese people aren't overtly extroverts with displaying emotions in public, subtlety is the key of this representative pair. There is an entire repertoire that composed the aria of love songs between this pair. There are heated glances, angst stares, incredulity and confusion. This time Sakura does not eschew her eyes from Sasuke; she doesn't glance shyly and flirtatiously aside from him like she does at the end of the manga. She holds Sasuke's gaze, leveling his piercing gaze as she knows she risks a lot because this man's eyes can see through everything.

He... Was always capable to see right through her deception. She can never hide from him.

Sasuke instead can perfectly mask his emotions, but chooses not to.

Considering how this couple's love story is embroidered into the tapestry of scorching passion, it’s no wonder that Sasuke is the one who initiates most the innuendos between them. No pronouns are more idoneous than the repetitive "Me" and "you" and the syntax of their dialogue; the flow of the conversation, the order of the words and the feelings elicited are extremely intimate.

There is history behind this couple and their now earmark stares and glances exchange support it.

Sasuke and Sakura are subtle but their body language is unique and a expressive. No fustian description can give their story justice, for it's far too complex.

That's why passion and intimacy scorch like a pyre with this pair. Every feeling, every emotion and every sentiment is augmented and exacerbated.

While he's clearly deranged by the women's litany of flirts and attempts to seduce him, he listens to Sakura's every word. He doesn't brush off her confession, he doesn't ask her to keep her distance from him, and he doesn't repay her confession with brusque scowls or growls (like he does to Karin, Ino and Mei).

Sasuke and Sakura's love story is very reminiscent to the compelling elements of Shakespeare drama in terms of its characteristic elements: the tragic hero who's suffering is the product of a peculiar  trait of fate or an extraneous force (the Uchiha curse/ manipulation and lies that surround HIM); his inner struggle (the struggle between good or bad), darkness and hatred and evil  that destroys any iota of goodness in the hero's heart, the stupendous internal and external conflict and the effect of catharsis that their feelings produce.

The strong, Naruto-esque happy ending is the only thing that differs, as Sasuke and Sakura don't end in a veritable tragedy, emphasizing the triumph of good in the manga.

I'd end by citing Obito and Hagoromo's hermeneutics:   "When a man learns how to love he must shoulder the burden of hatred."

The negativism and pessimism that attributes a negative connotation to life and suggests that pain and suffering are inherent to life and win over positive emotions - - the reign of pain and suffering.

... In conjunction with:

"I hope that this time is hatred which turns into love."

The positive overview of the humanist manga conclusion.

The positive, idealist triumph of peace, love and happiness, with love winning over pain.

It's Sakura who returned the lost peace and gave Sasuke happiness. It's her love that turned his hatred (Sasuke set on redemption journey because of lingering Uchiha demons he's scared to hurt people).

#Sasusaku romance #Sasusaku pair #Sasusaku explained #Sasusaku analysis #sasusaku #sasuke and sakura love #Sasuke and Sakura pair

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #76: The Best of the Best. A Squiggle Meister’s Views on the Atlesian Ace Ops.

Hey there fellow FNDM fam! It’s your favourite squiggly squiggle meister here with a brand new RWBY Musing post to kick off V7. I know. I know. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. I also know this isn’t the musing that I promised where I discuss the first episode of RWBY V7. 

Fear not faithful readers, I will be getting that…soon. But in the meantime, I wanted to deviate and get my thoughts out there about a certain group of characters who were teased at the end of the first episode. I wanted to talk about the Ace Ops:

Keep reading to hear my theories for these guys but fair warning. While not entirely spoiler-y, this post does contain screenshots from the first episode. 

So for those of you who haven’t seen it yet, this is your chance to click away. But if you have seen the episode and/or you don’t really care about spoilers or you’re just curious about what I have to say on these guys, feel free to go right on ahead. I won’t keep you long.

Okay. So like I said, these guys appeared out of nowhere at the end of V7 CH1. They were there mostly to arrest our heroes after they had just helped protect the kingdom from a Sayber Attack.

Though their introduction was brief, already the Ace Ops have peeked my intrigue. The first thing that got me curious about these guys is who their respective inspirations were going to be. Usually the general consensus for designing RWBY Characters is that they draw inspiration from some kind of fictional character, be it from fairytale or historical or even mythological origins in some shape or form.

So immediately, dem squiggly gears started a-grinding and I think I’ve figured out who these guys are meant to represent. Here’s my theory:

Atlas’ Playing Hand

I think the Ace Ops are meant to symbolize a basic hand in a deck of cards. At least, they supposed to represent the Ace, King, Queen, Jack and lastly, the Joker cards in a playing hand. That’s my guess.

 What made me think of this is the character of Clover Ebi. 

The Ace of Aces

He’s the only Ace Op that got to speak this first episode and again, while his dialogue was brief, immediately I’m left to assume that he is leader of the Ace Ops given his strong, confident demeanor.

He’s also the first person on their team silhouette card in the V7 Opening so that was another dead giveaway.

Clover Ebi is presumably our Ace card. He is the Ace of the Ace Ops and thus the leader.

  The Aces’ Wild Card

Following him, we have this fine tattooed bald fellow. After him, we have Bald Tattooed Man (who I’m most tempted to nicknamed ‘Sparky Boom-Boom Man’ for the obvious Avatar reference). I can’t tell if those weird markings on his face are meant to be simply tattoos or animal markings hinting that this guy might be another Faunus on the team. 

For now I’m going to assume they’re tattoos and their rather interesting tattoes because they remind me of jester make-up. Hence my theory is that this guy is definitely the Joker of the Ace Ops---second in command to Clover Ebi.

He’s also next to Clover on the character board, I’m guessing he must also be the Ace Ops second in command next to Clover.

From what I’ve gathered from my research on playing cards, your Ace is the highest card in your deck. Hence why I say Clover Ebi is the Ace of the team---he’s their leader and the highest ranking member of their group.

In playing cards, the Joker is seen as the wild card that can either turn the tides of the game in your favour or cause you to lose entirely; at least based on my understanding when reading up on cards. From what I know, a Joker can either be extremely beneficial or extremely harmful. So perhaps Sparky Boom-Boom Man here possesses a really powerful semblance that works like the Joker card. It can either prove extremely helpful when used or extremely dangerous which probably means that this character’s hidden power is only used in times of desperation. It wouldn’t surprise me if this guy---I’ll call him Joker---is the wild card of the Ace Ops. He is second in command since, in playing cards, while Ace holds the higher value; a Joker is substitute card that equates to the value of the card that makes the best possible hand. Therefore, the Joker is secondary to the Ace.

It’d be interesting if Clover possibly possesses a lucky charm semblance that increases the Ace Ops chances of success whenever on a missions. But in the event that Clover is hurt, Joker comes in as his substitute with his semblance which can probably mimic the effects of Joker’s semblance.

Since Jokers are substitute cards, perhaps Joker’s semblance allows him to copy or mimic the effects of another person’s semblance to some degree for a short space of time. Is that even possible? Perhaps his semblance is even called Copycat. That could be cool. I’m just picturing this guy’s involvement in the Ace Ops contributing to either their success or failure given the nature of his unique power. I can see Joker’s semblance being both powerful but dangerous and it would be interesting that due to this, his semblance is used only in accordance with Clover’s semblance to further ensure the Ace’s chances of success.

My hunch is Clover’s Ebi semblance is Lucky Charm. He’s the Miraculous Ladybug of the Ace Ops. I’d like to think that he is possibly the key to Ace Ops success given the nature of his unique. He is the embodiment of fortune. After all, the name ‘clover’ obviously alludes to the four leaf clover which is a traditional symbol of fortune. Not to mention that I also glimpsed a rabbit foot keychain hanging from Clover’s pants. Rabbit’s feet is another token of good luck. 

 Yeah so that’s my guess. Clover is the Ace followed by his Joker. As an added detail (and theory), it’d probably be interesting if there is an unspoken animosity and feelings of jealousy between Clover and Joker. At least on Joker’s side. Imagine if these two were childhood best friends who grew up together but no matter how hard Joker worked, Clover would always trump him. He was always better at him at everything.

Like Clover strikes me as your average good joe. He’s only been on screen for a few minutes but already I feel as if I’m really, really going to like this guy. He strikes me as confident but not arrogant, y’know what I mean? The type kind of guy who is down to earth, extremely charismatic and very approachable. The type of guy who can instantly befriend anyone he meets since he has high-spirited presence and energy about him that makes me trust him and feel comfortable around him which probably lends from his semblance and lends to why he’s such a good leader.

I know I’m only assuming heavily here but…hear me out. I’m just saying it wouldn’t surprise me if Clover is liked by many who get to know him, including his teammates. It also wouldn’t shock me if Clover and Joker are close friends but Joker is secretly jealous of Clover because he wants to be leader. He wants to be the leader of the best of the best.

Of course, Clover is innocently oblivious to Joker’s true feelings about him despite them being close dear friends. It’d be interesting if Joker secretly desires to replace Clover as the leader of the Ace Ops (thus playing into the motif that Joker cards can substitute for any other card in the deck except Ace. Since Ace is always the highest card and Joker will always be secondary to Ace)

I know, I know I’m assuming a lot here for characters who’ve only been on screen for less than five minutes. But let me have this one okay.

The King of Aces

Next up on the list, following our Ace and Joker cards, we have the King. The next character in the Ace Ops lineup is Big Buff Barefoot Girl with the Hammer. By the power invested in my theories, she is possibly the crowned King of the Ace Ops and let me just say that, similar to Clover, already I like her.

I like her design and I feel like I might like her character too.

 If I had to guess her official name, I’m going to take a wild guess and say her name might be Brunhilda or simply Hilda for short, alluding to character of the same name in Norse Mythology.

I found it pretty interesting that she wields a hammer just like Nora. Nora’s last name is Valkyrie and in Norse mythology, Brunhild (also known as Brunhilda or Brynhild) was a shieldmaiden or valkyrie. I have a feeling that Nora and this girl are going to be rivals given their similar weapons and possible inspiration.

So yeah, Hilda is the King of the Ace Ops. This leads into the next character after her--- Pink Eyed Girl.

The Queen of Aces 

My assumption is that she’s the Queen of the Ace Ops. And right off the bat, I’m going to call this now. I’m going to bet that Hilda and Pinkie-Eye are probably a couple. I’m not saying I ship them or anything, it’s just a thought. If they’re not a couple then my next best bet is that they’re partners who often work closely together since they’re very in sync with each another. 

I say these two might be a couple since they’re giving me Ren and Nora vibes with how Hilda wields a hammer like Nora and Pinkie-Eye has pink eyes just like Ren. So my theory is that their dynamic is probably going to challenge Ren and Nora’s dynamic.

After all---we saw how Ren just took off and left Nora behind and she was visibly annoyed by that. You can’t tell me that’s not gonna come back and be a thing with them for this season. The King and Queen of Ace vs Flower Power---one power couple to another. I mean I could be completely wrong here. But…who knows? That’s my hunch.

And last but certainly not least, we have the final guy---the Wolf Faunus of the group. 

The Jack of Aces 

This guys is the Jack of the Team. Wouldn’t even surprise me his name is Jack or some variant of the name Jack. For now I’m gonna dub him Jack Wolfe.

I’m also curious if this guy is going to have an allusion to the fairytale---Jack and the Wolf more commonly known as “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

Perhaps he’s the scout of the Ace Ops and his role in the team is to inform his remaining operatives of any trouble. What would solidify this guy as taking inspiration from the Boy Who Cried Wolf is if he’s also a prankster.

Since V7 seems to be setting up for Team JNR_RWBY going on missions with Ace Ops, what would be interesting is if while on his first mission with the rookies, Jack plays a prank on them making them believe their might be a Grimm nearby. He does this two times before an actual Grimm shows up.

I feel like this guy is going to be the Boy Who Cried Wolf. That’s my assumption.

I also wonder this Jack Wolfe guy is going to share any chemistry with Ruby by chance. I once shared a Lil Red Ruby headcanon about her having a Big Bad Boyfriend who was a wolf faunus that alludes to the Big Bad Wolf.

Could this Jack Wolf be that character? Will my headcanon actually be made possibily. I have no idea. These all just assumptions and theories of mine.

But it would be interesting if it does play out like that. I guess we’ll see for the season.

 So in conclusion…

Those are my theories for our new Atlesian Ace Ops. A short musing for a short theory on characters who only appeared for  a short time. But I digress. Still wanted to put it out there. Like I said, we’ll see how V7 goes with these guys.

I’m excited to see how they’ll interact with JNR_RWBY.

More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby theories #rwby volume 7 theories #rwby ace ops #rwby musings

[dabistits]

hey... you're the smartest blog i follow on this hellsite so i gotta ask... why do people use tomura saying he fully intended to kill his father when he reached out for him as an argument that tomura is obviously 100% evil? like... why not something else? because tbh, idk about other people, but like... i got abused way less than tomura did as a child but never felt bad about my father dying and, if anything, felt relief because it meant that one of my abusers was gone (1/2)

and sometimes i get desperate about the situation im in now, to the point that i do honestly consider murder just so i can be free and like… dont rlly feel that bad when i look back at those thoughts when im in a clearer mindset… so, if i, someone who’s gone through less than tomura has, am not necessarily evil, then why is that used as a ‘trump card’ to prove that tomura is 100% pure villain and not like… something else? also.. please humor my vacuum question? (2/2)

thank you, lovely, but the truth is i learn a lot from other people on this site too!! just not the fandom blogs, absolutely do not develop your sense of morality from fandom blogs…

for your question: people think tomura killing his father makes him evil because they look at morality in stories through the same lens that predominates our own society. it pushes the message that an intent to kill (from anyone who isn’t an agent of the state) is bad, encouraging us to divorce violence from the context that surrounds it. it’s the easiest way to undermine victims and marginalized people, because comparisons are drawn between the intent of both parties: i.e. your abuser only wanted to hurt you, why does that make it okay kill him? white supremacists only want to remove you from this country, how is that equivalent to violent resistance?

this approach 1) obscures the violence of the more powerful party (assumes that the abuse isn’t serious or otherwise inescapable, pretends that ‘population removal’ doesn’t entail uprooting people from their lives at gunpoint), and 2) creates a double-edged sword where victims can only endure the violence of their oppressor/try to resolve everything peacefully and accept that their oppressor has gotten away with all the pain they inflicted, or be branded the ‘bad guy’ if they respond in a way that other parties deem ‘excessive.’ in every case, responding to violence with violence (even necessary violence) is deemed worse than initiating violence where there wasn’t any in the first place.

as far as bnha goes, we can question if kotaro ‘deserved it’ or if tenko’s response to him was ‘proportionate’ (which are not wholly worthless questions, but that’s for another post). i do think there could be debate on this—because for instance, i largely see him as more redeemable than emdivor or afo—but as per my first couple paragraphs, i don’t think we can simply call a child, who justifiably felt deeply, deeply wronged, ‘evil’ for acting on his emotions. we might call it ‘unfortunate’ or ‘badly misguided,’ maybe, or even ‘vengeful’ or ‘hateful’ (which i’m listing because that was how he felt in the moment) but nothing that presumes a static, unchanging characteristic like ‘evil.’ there are decisions that people can make that are not morally upstanding that nevertheless doesn’t brand them forever.

but, just as an aside, i don’t even really believe that a five year old going through one of the most traumatizing moments of his life was making a completely rational decision to commit murder. tomura’s internal monologue does bias us towards this interpretation to a degree, but it feels dissonant with what is actually being shown on the page. it could be deliberate, it could not be. hori could be trying to show that tomura is retroactively inscribing a narrative wherein he was fully aware of events as a disordered way of coping, or hori could genuinely believe that a five year old’s decision-making in that moment was the revelation of his truest self. i don’t know which interpretation is closest to the author’s intention, but i guess time will tell.

and, lastly… i want to take a moment to say to you, anon: i’m sorry you’re in this situation, but believe me when i say it will get better. you will get away from your parents and you will remove their hold over you. you will be better than they ever were. thank you for sending me this question (i hope this answer is satisfactory), know that my inbox is always open if needed, and i wish you the very best❤️

#ask #abuse /

[ungratefuldead]

@bookburnt sent:  a hug where one muse uses the other as a pillow ? hug prompts.

      they call it ghost drifting: the tendency of co-pilots to adopt each other’s mannerisms or predict each other’s movements, as if the mental link is still active even outside of combat. to hear the scientists tell it, it’s an unintended side-effect of the neural handshake. audrey thinks maybe it’s not a side-effect, but the culmination. maybe it’s the whole point.

      because the point is, she’s spent so much time in gerry’s head  (or he in hers, or both of them psychically tangled up in some hypothetical shared head)  that reading him is about as natural as breathing. the point is that she hums now, like he does, when she’s gathering her thoughts. she once saw him squint in frustration at an engineer and thought oh, he definitely borrowed that look from me. she can translate the greasiness of gerry’s hair into the precise date and time he last washed it, and she knows the tight-lipped expression he gets when he’s trying to suppress the first stirrings of a panic attack.

      and this is a strange new thing for both of them, audrey knows. she never expected that anyone would see inside her and not turn away--- and gerry, for his part, is still learning that being in the drift isn’t supposed to hurt.  (she’s angry about that. she’ll always be angry about it. not at him, but at everybody who justified partnering him with gertrude for the greater good. it was a desperate time. she understands that. but asking a person to bare their soul like this, to someone they don’t trust to hold it, is cruel.)

      the point is, once you’ve been mind-melded with someone in the hull of a giant robot, the boundaries between the two of you start to blur. it isn’t a consumptive kind of bond; she’s still very much herself. but she bleeds into gerry at the edges, like watercolors.

      she sees the hollows under his eyes looking just slightly darker than usual, and the faint shadow of stubble along his jaw, and she knows he isn’t sleeping. it’s not unprecedented for gerry to stop taking care of himself like this: he hasn’t exactly had care modeled for him, after all. she’s seen that in his memories, chased the rabbit a step too far when the stray thoughts of his mother  (always looking past him, never quite at him)  struck too close to home.

      so he's never had anyone to remind him when he’s done enough, when it’s time to find a safe place to lie down and rest. but now he has her.

      he needs a shower, audrey thinks as she leans into his shoulder, but she’ll deal with the unwashed hair later. weather forecast says no extraterrestrial terrors, she says. guess you’ve gotta take the night off. and she knows he’ll protest, so she plays her trump card, settling half on top of him like a human weighted blanket.

      she fits herself somewhere between gerry and the back of the couch; his bony elbow is digging into her ribs, and she’s sure her leg is going to fall asleep the way she’s arranged it, but she doesn’t mind so much. she tucks her head into the crook of his neck, where the collar of his shirt will leave an imprint on her cheek. her free hand, the one not trapped underneath their combined weight, twists in the well-worn band logo.

       i’m not moving, she says. so you might as well get some sleep.

#bookburnt #ANSWERED. #IC. #i'm putting this under a cut because i went off the shits and wrote over 500 words of pacrim au #it's time for me to stop posting

[gryphons-of-aentha]

The Approximate Plotline of the Gryphonverse (pt. 1)

Because like. I’m never gonna actually write this shit in any form, it’s gotten too convoluted and weird and pretty much officially exists only as a collection of ideas and drawings, and I guess this blog now.

This is gonna be long as fuck, just so you know what you’re getting into behind this readmore.

The whole thing starts out as fairly standard, fairly tropey high fantasy-type stuff and takes place entirely on Aentha, centered around the country of Andolia, a fantasy-feudal country with a vaguely German bent, with added notes of French and Celtic. It’s populated almost entirely by aquei, which are the closest thing Aentha has to humans (and they are very close, I just couldn’t think of a reason to have actual humans evolve separately on a completely different planet when Earth and actual humans are also canonically a thing). It’s bordered on one side by sea and all others by wilderness that, for various reasons ranging from “it’s impassable and useless” to “it’s literally cursed and/or protected by powers we don’t want to fuck with,” remains virtually untouched by civilization and is at best halfheartedly disputed over with other nearby countries. There’s trade by sea but otherwise the country is fairly isolated from its neighbors. Anyway, Andolians don’t like gryphons. The ‘why’ of this situation isn’t really established, but they’re a rather xenophobic bunch, more so the further you get into the heart of the country. The people who occupy villages/homesteads closer to the borders are sometimes more chill about them, which is fortunate, because that no-man’s-land that the aquei don’t want is full of gyphons, because gryphons are both well suited to impassable mountainous regions, and not afraid to fuck with powers most other people won’t. The latter trait is probably a lot of the reason Andolians are wary of them at best and actively hate them at worst.

So at a certain point, circa 1980 in Earth time (which won’t become relevant for a long while yet but does matter since everything in this lore canonically occurs in real time alongside our world), a half-gryphon baby ends up in the custody of a small Andolian town. It’s too large and central to have had any previous contact with gryphons but still small and out of the way enough that nobody in the capital gives two shits what goes on there, so the existence of this gryphonic child goes largely unnoticed. What exactly happened to his parents is still not established and honestly doesn’t matter, but it’s Andolia, so the likely answer is “nothing good.” Gryphons who do venture into the country proper frequently meet unfortunate ends and people who willfully associate with them don’t do so great either. In any case, it’s likely that the aquei parent’s family were residents of this town and took in the kid, who was subsequently named Talon, because Andolians don’t really do subtlety with their naming conventions. The town proves to be a surprisingly supportive environment to grow up in, mainly on the logic of “if we raise this kid right we will never have to deal with the local bandit problem again because we’ll have a gryphon and nobody will want to fuck with us.” Incredibly, this Timon and Pumbaa logic actually works out, and Talon finds himself more welcome among small town Andolians than any gryphon has probably ever been because he’s quickly developed a reputation as a “good” one and turned into a local hero (though one that everyone in the region keeps kind of quiet about so as not to draw attention from the capital or anyone else who might not like it). 

Eventually, some time in the late 90s Earth time, he meets Iadra, a full-blooded gryphon. They form a bond, eventually becoming definitive life partners, and Talon also reconnects more with the gryphonic half of his heritage through her. The townsfolk aren’t really thrilled about Iadra, and she’s not really thrilled about them, but they adopt an attitude of “I guess if Talon likes you, you can’t be too awful, guess you can hang around” to which she basically responds “appreciate the unbridled confidence in my character, but no thank you” and mainly stays on the outskirts and never really gets involved in aquei affairs to the extent Talon does, especially since the interspecies tensions are getting worse lately.

Meanwhile, as all this was semi-quietly going on in a small town nobody cared about, other things were semi-quietly going on directly in the Andolian royal court. The king, Shale, was really hitting it off with a woman who had just kind of shown up in the capital one day calling herself Ember. Through a combination of charisma and political shrewdness she managed to endear herself to most of the court and take on an unofficial advisor position, and also have an affair with the king. Eventually, circa 1989, this led to a son being born, who they named Ash (meanwhile, on Earth, Taylor Swift was being born, which isn’t important to this story it’s just something I realized just now and thought was really funny). The king had no other children at the time, so his first reaction was “hey, free heir” until it came to light that Ember was not wholly aquei, and in fact had some gryphonic heritage and so, by extension, did Ash.

A prudent move here might have been to cover this up, accuse whoever exposed Ember of slander, and just let the kid inherit the throne anyway. Sadly, prudence was not a trait King Shale possessed in abundance. So what he did instead was lose his shit over it and very publicly throw Ember out of his court, after which she quickly fell prey to any one of the many people who were pissed at her for the deception, and was killed. Shale then denied both the affair and the fact that Ash was his son, but made a show of magnanimously “adopting” the gryphonic bastard child and allowing him to remain at court. This was an entirely political move in response to the fact that the gryphons on Andolia’s borders were getting tired of exactly this kind of shit, and he hoped that he could use Ash as a kind of “how can you say I hate gryphons, look at this one who I raised and keep around out of the goodness of my heart” card.

Unsurprisingly this did not work out nearly as well as Shale imagined it would, and instead of a loyal walking virtue signal/gryphonic liaison, what he ended up with was a resentful and confused teenager who had been raised with the combined knowledge that A) gryphons are terrible, dangerous creatures with few redeeming qualities and nobody likes them, and B) he was part gryphon. So, not unlike Taylor Swift, he responded to everyone’s expectation that he would be a shitty person by turning into a shitty person. This uneasy state of affairs carried on until Ash was around sixteen, at which point he accidentally stumbled across the fact that he was actually the king’s son, and not the son of a random courtier with poor judgement as had always been vaguely implied. He also found out what exactly had happened to his mother. He immediately confronted Shale about this. Shale, who had always been paranoid about Ash trying to usurp him, entirely missed the point of the confrontation and instead of addressing the lying or the unofficially sentencing Ember to death thing or the general environment he’d made Ash grow up in, angrily doubled down on the fact that Ash would not be heir to the throne, ever, because he’s still a gyphon and that’s not a thing in Andolia, and even if he wasn’t he’d never be fit to rule and was clearly an ungrateful little shit. Ash, who up to that point hadn’t remotely wanted to rule, immediately decided out of pure teenage spite that fuck you, he was going to usurp his asshole of a father and do exactly that, so he set about stirring up dissent and delving further into his gyphonic heritage, with which he quickly became mildly obsessed since obviously his aquei side wasn’t doing anything for him. In the course of this research he came across records of an unrelated full-blooded gryphon named Kyran who had been executed by the king on trumped-up charges as a political maneuver some years prior and, since he no longer wanted to use an Andolian name and didn’t know his mother’s real name, he decided to adopt that one.

Cut back to Talon and Iadra, who are among the gryphons getting edgy over the king’s increasing levels of bullshit since it’s putting Talon’s town and everyone he associaties with at risk, and making things even more difficult for the local gryphons, who are having trouble even venturing into the outskirts to trade unless they’re very stealth about it. Iadra starts to think that maybe they should take some direct action and go after the king directly, a plan Talon is extremely dubious about since they have zero meaningful political allies and he doesn’t want to paint a target on the assorted farmers and villagers who would back him. That is until Kyran shows up and announces his plan to overthrow the king himself, along with a grandiose plan to change things for Andolia’s relationship with the gryphons once he takes over. And Kyran does have political allies (though not many, and not without substantial effort on his part). Talon decides that’s enough for him to go along with the idea, so he and Iadra join forces with Kyran’s rebellion and know what this is too long I need to make this a multi-part thing.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? Cingular Wireless. 

What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Tumblr, YouTube, and Twitter. 

Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. I like all my jeans, they’re all dark wash skinny jeans. 

What profession do you respect? Anyone who works with the disadvantaged and is paid pennies for it – social workers, homeless/domestic violence shelter employees, animal rescuers, etc. High-stress jobs with no financial reward, basically. <<< Yes!

Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? No.

Have you ever ate something you’ve dropped on the floor, if so what? Nooo. That 5 second rule is a lie.

Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? I don’t have a car, nor can I drive, which are both kinda necessary. IF I could, I still wouldn’t. I’d be scared to have strangers in my car.

How do you know when you’re in love, what’s the main sign? I actually want to be around the person for long periods of time. <<< Ha, yeah that’s definitely a sign for me as well. 

Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? Jim Carrey, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Drake Bell.

Do you prefer Walmart or Target? Target.

What do you long for? My vacation next year. 

If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? No thanks.

What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Take better care of myself.  What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? My mind will just start to wander after awhile and if I focus on trying to stay focused, I become too focused on being focused. Did you follow any of that? lol.

Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? I think in some cases people are too quick to attack others. Some people truly may just be ignorant about a topic or accidentally misspoke about something, but people are so quick to attack and make them out to be the worst person in the world. Try educating others instead. Some people act like they know everything and never say the wrong thing ever.

What tragic love story do you relate to? None.

Has your intuition or “gut” served you well? In some cases.

What’s the longest you’ve ever waited in line for something and what was it? Midnight premieres. My friends and I would get there an hour or two early and you just hang around until they start letting people in. It was fun, though. We’d bring blankets and a bunch of snacks. 

Who is your favorite model? I don’t have one.

What have you done that is out of character for you? I used to be the friend everyone could come and talk to. I was dependable. A few years ago I pushed everyone away and became distant and withdrawn. I’m not that dependable person anymore.

Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? I appreciate either one.

Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? Uhhh.

How do you handle a betrayal? I’d be hurt, but I’d also likely blame myself.

What do you feel strong enough to protest about? I’ve never protested before. 

What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? My life.

If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? To play along with your hypothetical game I’d have a cafe. 

What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? Medical supplies and shoes. 

What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? I still haven’t learned how to drive.

What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? I don’t know.

Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? No.

Do you believe in karma? No.

Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? I can worry about both. They are not mutually exclusive. <<< Yeah. They’re not even the same thing. Doing things right can be like following instructions and such, while doing the right thing is like what you think is morally right.

Do you believe in the term “Mother knows best? My mom often does. If I would have just listened to her advice some things would certainly be a lot different. Even now. I’m so damn stubborn. 

Who is your favorite movie action hero? Iron Man, Spiderman, Ant-Man, Star Lord, and Thor.  

What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can’t get elsewhere? Hm. Nothing is coming to mind, honestly. 

How important are looks in someone you’re in a relationship with? I just answered this in another survey. They’re not the most important thing, it’s gotta be deeper than just looks, but I can’t say they don’t matter at all.

What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? Uhhh.

What are you most thankful for? My family.

Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Well, as far as talk shows go I like to watch Daily Pop and Dr. Phil. Sometimes The Talk as well.

What was the last book you read? Because of Bethlehem by Max Lucado.

What’s your favorite online store? The places I shop online the most are: Hot Topic, BoxLunch, Kohl’s, Amazon, and Etsy.

What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? I don’t wanna do that. I couldn’t handle it.

If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? “Hi.” lol.

Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? It doesn’t seem to be very common sometimes. You either got it or you don’t, and it does seem to be lacking.

What’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Coffee.

How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? Not my thing.

What do you like to put gravy on? Mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey, and ham. I love country gravy on my eggs. 

Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Nope.

What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Nothing.

What is priceless to you? Time with my family. 

What do you wait for discount sales to buy? I always look for a good sale and use coupon codes whenever I can.

What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? I honestly don’t know a whole lot. I’d really like to do that ancestry test.

What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? It changes.

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Hmm. 

Do you keep a budget? I try. 

If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? Nah.

What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Spending time at the beach is the only thing that can make me feel that way.

What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? I don’t know what I’d say the funniest joke I ever heard was.  Who depends on you the most? No one.

Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Ha, no. I’m very thin, weak, and in a wheelchair. No offense to anyone else who may also be any of those things, but I know I couldn’t protect anyone. I’m also a scardy cat, easily intimidated, and non-confrontational, so... I’d really be of no use at all.

Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. And some will eventually... they’re inevitable. :(

Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don’t understand? There’s a lot I don’t understand about people in general.

Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? If so, what were two things you wanted? I only list things like that when asked in a survey. It comes up a lot.

Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? Nope.

What song on your playlist gets played the most? My Spotify wrap up thingy listed all that, but I don’t feel like checking it again right now.

Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? Academic.

Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? No. I have a strong instinct for empathy. <<<

Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? Yes.

Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue… I’m tired, how are you?

What embarrasses you instantly? When I start mixing my words around when I speak. <<< Saaaame. I trip over my words, too. 

Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Nope. Well, there’s the wheelchair for one.

Do you often read your horoscope? I never do.

What current event are you tired of hearing about? Trump.

Are you a daredevil? Ha, nope.

What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? I don’t have a job.

Describe your “poker face”. >> My resting face is a poker face. People tend to read all kinds of things into it (usually negative things), because I guess they can’t stand a simple blank slate. <–Me. We’re so misunderstood. Haha. <<< Me, too. 

What do you think should be censored? I don’t see the issue with curse words being censored. I just never understood why you can say some, but not others. 

Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Possibly.

Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? I don’t know.

How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? My relationship with God.

Have you ever fired a gun? Yes. I went to a shooting range once with friends.

Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? I’m not doing anything with my life. :/ I don’t feel like I have much potential, either.

How are you different from most people? I’m different from people I know in a lot of ways. Like, people I know are functioning adults and I’m not.

What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Understanding is definitely one. There’s a lot of things, though.

What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? Dogs.

Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? Yeah. I’ve stayed up for over 30 hours. I honestly don’t know I ever did that. I could never now.

Who is a female role model in your life? My mom.

What childhood dreams have you neglected? The ones where I was doing something with my life.

How often do you reevaluate your life? I don’t. I am aware of what my life looks like at any given time. I don’t need to sit down and think deeply about it to realize I need to change something I’m doing; I am well aware of my faults and negative habits.  <<< Just gonna keep all your answers.

What’s your favorite place just to hang out? My bed.

What gives you a zest for life? This makes me think of this thing I saw on Twitter that said something like, “I thought it would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, not stressed, depressed, lemon zest”, ha.

What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My mind is a jumbled mess. 

What three things do you think of most of each day? God, my health, and my life.

Would you travel to space if possible? Nopeeee. Just the idea of space is terrifying to me. 

Name a famous person you wouldn’t mind for a business partner. I don’t want a business partner. I’m not doing anything in business. 

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[thechauwei]

Kung Fu Stroke 2: Banks Know What's Best For You (NOT!)

I was waiting for at least three fans to tell me I should continue writing but so far I only have two. One fan was kind enough to ask me TWICE to keep writing so I'm just going to count that as THREE votes! The feedback I got so far has been:  

Question 1: “Am I not afraid that I will offend the banks and that they would stop doing business with me?”

Answer: If any banker identifies himself/herself as being the cause of my comments, then we probably don't have any business dealings, and I don't hide my disdain for incompetent people -- okay I attempt to be nice but I've been told that I look constipated or just had Botox during lunch. It's kind of like Trump talking about the Pope (by the way I am not taking a stance on both -- I'm not siding with my alum and I did watch the live telecast of the Pope going to Philadelphia even though he caused a lot of traffic congestion issues for me the ONE WEEK I was in New York for business meetings) -- I'm not going to suffer from much popularity decrease because the super bank supporters already hate me. Some bankers didn't send me Chinese New Year gifts not even a greeting card so I assume they read my blog. And anyway, I barely garnered three votes to continue writing so the only way for my popularity to go is up!

There are a lot of bankers who agreed with me that there are bad eggs in the basket who should be exposed.

Question 2: “Do I have too much time on my hands?”

Answer: This is therapy to me. Since I took this three-month hiatus from writing my passive-aggressiveness has gone up a notch. Which is not all that bad because my colleagues buy me coffee, the staff take more effort to check their work, and even our office corgi http://facebook.com/TheXiaoZhuZhu (who has way more likes than me on FaceBook) is on better behavior, i.e. does not lick other dogs' poop. Things are not all good because I keep getting asked whether I'm PMS the weeks I'm not having my blood coming out of my wherever (google Donald Trump quote). While other people do yoga or play DOTA, I blog. So that people around me can remain sane.

FINALLY we are getting to my Kung Fu stroke of the day.

I got moved up to Private Banking from some form of priority banking in Bank X -- this is usually a non-event because it's not as if you get anything extra maybe the occasional free taxi ride to the airport. So I needed to wire some monies out and went to a bank branch.

First I asked the teller (in a separate room for priority/private banking clients) what my balance in the multi-currency account was, since what I had was not in local currencies. The teller told me my balance was ZERO which started to get me concerned. I have heard stories about banks losing money for clients in dodgy products but what I had was all in cash.

Then I was told oh I have my money in the Special account which cannot be seen by anyone except the Relationship Manager (RM) which means even the bank teller cannot see how much money I have. Now for the really bad news, since no one in the bank branch can see my Special bank account I cannot do the wire transfer.

This RM I had (I use the past tense because she has since been transferred away, not because of me as I don't have that much time to report her but I guess she was bad enough that other people complaint about her) was particularly inept and non-responsive. The bank branch tried contacting her, I tried contacting her, but there was no response. The bank branch manager then asked me who my back-up RM was -- which I had absolutely no idea.

Long story short, I could not access my own money, with the reason given that I needed to verify my identity through my RM who was the only person who could authorize any movements in the Special account. So even though I was at the bank branch physically, produced more than one official document showing I was really me, I needed a stranger to say over the phone that yes I am THE Chauwei.

I described several scenarios for the branch manager: “What if my RM was hit by a bus? What if she was in the bathroom and couldn't answer the phone but I need to cover margin call? What if I was kidnapped and if I did not transfer the money I was going to die?”

The official answer: I need to be "protected" by the RM because I am a Private Banking client.

This is absurd because I am obviously of above average intelligence to make the money to qualify me as a Private Banking client. And I went to the same school as Donald Trump (not so convincing) AND his glamorous daughter (at least her hair looks better) AND Elon Musk (finally someone I can crow about -- Elon if you are reading this can you give me a Tesla). Plus I reminded the bank that I am in the finance industry. But no no, I have to be prevented from touching my money in case I did not put in some fee-generating products.  

So what did I have to do to access my own money? I had to formally write in to "downgrade" myself from the Special account to a multi-currency account so I can be treated like the regular people. Which suits me just fine.

#quant #hedge funds #gaocapital