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carrotkicks · 9 months

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Fugitives arc - Abridged vrs.

(part of the sends them to school au)

hehe so guess what! I took my insanity to new heights and I actually tried to write (horrifying) do tell me how it goes for you

It took exactly 9 seconds to find the extra bandages. Dr. Mori was always reliable about keeping medical supplies ready on hand but Dazai counted anyway. It’s a habit she’s grown over the years. Her eyepatch had gotten rather grimy after a long day on the run, and the bacteria that may have collected could give her another infection, so she might as well change it, right?

Right! That’s a good start. Redoing her bandages is an excellent next step in her plan to somehow get herself and Chuuya out of this debacle.

Speaking of, Chuuya was currently in the bedroom, trying to find something to wear that was left lying around in this safe house. Dazai had helped her take a bath earlier, and it took a lot of effort on her part to not freak out. Not that Chuuya noticed, of course. Chuuya might have a second special ability to be completely oblivious to some things. Like when someone’s putting the moves on her, or when she’s in pain. It’s as though she entirely lacks self-preservation. Does she have a death wish or something? Oh wait –

Dazai freezes that horribly ironic train of thought to remind herself she’s in a bathroom surrounded by puddles of Chuuya’s blood and tattered clothes. After the bandages, I’ll clean this mess. That’s a good next, next step.

Chuuya had gotten injured, somehow. A deep gash on the back of her neck, like a creature sunk its claws in her and pulled something out. Dazai frowned at the thought as she pulled her patch off. Chuuya hasn’t said a word about why they were hiding but after the events of the past few days, Dazai’s overactive mind was starting to paint a bleak picture.

Chuuya wasn’t at school for the past few days. On the third day of her absence, her literature teacher pulled her aside with a packet of coursework in hand.

“I know you’re close to Nakahara-chan. Perhaps you can deliver her the materials she’s missed this past week so she doesn’t fall too far behind. And check in on her too, okay?”

Of course, Dazai readily agreed. Their Sensei has always shown exasperation towards Chuuya’s poor attendance habits, but today there was a strange tightness in her smile that made Dazai’s stomach settle uncomfortably.

Kunikida decided to join her to deliver the notes – “Not that I don’t think you’re capable of it on your own. I’m putting up with you because it’s a dangerous location, and I would like to see how Nakahara-san is doing” he declared. Naturally, Dazai had cheerfully wrapped an arm around his waist and accepted his chivalrous offer. Kunikida may give the pretenses of aloofness but he worries too much for the act to hold any weight. That’s how Dazai managed to figure out what happened after that disastrous mistake on her part last Friday.

Kunikida and Yosano both agreed to this story: Chuuya looked very pale when they entered the club room. She claimed she was ill and decided to leave after minutes in. That’s where it ended, frustratingly enough. At yesterday’s Detectives Club meeting, Ranpo mentioned to her briefly “I don’t think things look very good at home for Chuuya-kun.” Dazai nodded.

I figured as much too.

That’s why when she and Kunikida stepped up to a ratty-looking apartment unit in a ratty-looking apartment complex in the Suribachi neighborhood on the outskirts of Yokohama, she had Hirotsu in a van full of Mafia guards parked two blocks away. Her security detail was also following close by but she’s not supposed to know about them, so if anyone asks, what security detail?

“This is the right place?” Kunikida asked, looking back at the surroundings. The area didn’t seem safe, at least for a couple of kids wearing uniforms for one of the most prestigious private academies in Yokohama. Even if those kids were ability users.

“It’s the address Sensei gave me,” Dazai responded in a relaxed fashion. She gazed back to where Kunikida was looking. An armored truck hidden under the shade of a tree.

“Supposedly there’s a military base nearby,” she rationalized. Kunikida only nodded uneasily.

Dazai grinned and began ruffling through her bag for the handouts. “Hey, if Chuuya answers the door, she won’t be in her school uniform.”

“Hm.” Kunikida stepped forward and knocked. Three times.

“I bet she has an awful fashion sense. She seems like the type, right?”

“Anything Nakahara-san chooses for her style will be an improvement to your bandages, Dazai-chan.”

“Tch. Rude.”

The door opened. The timer starts.

Standing there was a tall man wearing a lab coat and a gentle smile. “Hello. Can I help you?” He has glasses and graying hair. He’s keeping his hands in his pockets, one of which seems to be holding something. 6 seconds.

Kunikida must have picked up that Dazai wasn’t willing to talk, and took over. “Hello sir, is this the residence of Nakahara Chuuya-san?”

“Yes, I’m her father. She’s not well right now, so I’m afraid you can’t see her.” 18 seconds. From what Dazai could see there wasn’t any furniture other than a sofa, coffee table, and coat rack. Chuuya’s signature boots weren’t by the entrance.

“That’s… alright. We just came to deliver some of the notes and homework she’s missed. We’re classmates.” The blinds in the apartment were drawn, and there was something in the shadow that Dazai couldn’t make out clearly. 23 seconds.

Chuuya’s “father” accepted the offered papers swiftly without a second glance. “I’ll see that she gets these. Anything else?” 31 seconds. A glint of metal, that looked the shape of –

“Nope, that’s it! We’ll take our leave then. Please tell Chuuya we hope she feels better for us, sir” Dazai cut in. She nudged Kunikida’s foot Come on, time to go.

Kunikida gave a courteous bow. “Thank you for your time, Nakahara-san.”

At that, a strange smirk crossed over the man’s face, as if he heard the world’s most ironic joke. “Of course.” He made eye contact with Dazai for a moment and she really hoped she was giving him a polite smile because her eyes felt far too wide to be anything other than manic. Then the door slammed shut.

The entire encounter lasted 42 seconds, and Dazai already figured out more than she wanted to. “Chuuya wasn’t there. That man wasn’t her father” She tells Kunikida when they’re far enough away from the building. Her friend gave her a sharp look, but it wasn’t an "I don’t believe you". It helped the tightness in her throat clear a little.

“How do you figure?”

Dazai furrowed her brow, “That apartment isn’t lived in at all. None of Chuuya’s possessions were to be found. And…” She halted. Kunikida stopped beside her. “Inside I saw a glimpse of a rifle, a military-grade one. There was definitely an armed soldier hiding in the back, and likely the rest of their squad too.” Soldiers, a military base, a man in a lab coat, and a missing ability user. A terrible combination.

Kunikida muttered what was absolutely not a curse. “We need to find Nakahara quickly.” He says, not wasting a moment to pull out his phone to dial who she thinks is Ranpo.

Dazai nods, already feeling more confident. But Yokohama’s a big city, how are they supposed to find one tiny person like –

***

“Dazai. Dazaiiiiiiii! Are you- oh!” Chuuya rushed out about as quickly as she entered. Dazai had scrambled to throw her hands up to hide her uncovered eye. She exhaled heavily as she tried to suppress the irritation that flared up in her chest. That was terrible timing on her part, and she should have accounted for Chuuya being her spontaneous self.

“Seriously, Chibi? Didn’t anyone teach you to knock first?”

“Sorry. I didn’t expect you to be indecent.” Dazai isn’t naked, just bandage-less right now. Oh, Chuuya’s trying to be funny.

“Humor isn’t your thing Slug-chan. Hhh, tell me. Did you see it?” Dazai doesn’t know why she’s feeling so self-conscious. Her eye healed a long time ago, even if seeing out of it is still quite blurry, it looks perfectly fine. But in the year since the … injury … Dazai has only been able to bear looking at her own unobstructed reflection for only a few minutes at a time. The only other person who could be comparable was the Good Doctor himself.

There’s a silence behind the door. Then, Chuuya says, “I saw you, Dazai.”

Dazai doesn’t know how to respond to that, and it seems like Chuuya may have realized because there’s a hesitant turn of the door handle. Dazai puts her hand over the right side of her face for good measure.

The door creaks open and the redhead shuffles in. Literally shuffles, Dazai realized, those clothes were huge on her, practically swallowing her frame. The sleeves of the collared shirt she found were rolled up to her elbows and the black slacks she was wearing must have been cuffed 3(?) times. They must be Dr. Mori’s, a little voice in Dazai’s head supplied. She looks cute in them, an unhelpful one adds. She looked cuter covered in blood, to be honest, another, more unhelpful, eviler voice continued. Hold on, has Dazai ever seen Chuuya wear long pants before?

Whatever. It didn’t matter because obviously, Dazai laughed out loud at the sight. Maybe overcompensated even, she really needed this chance to tease Chuuya. Any chance she’ll get. For her part, Chuuya must have anticipated this reaction because she just huffs out in annoyance and drags herself closer. When her giggles died down, she realized that Chuuya had grabbed her hand and was looking directly into her eyes, and a self-satisfied grin settled on her face.

Ah, Dazai’s mouth felt dry again, so she lowers her head. Chuuya took that as a cue to start talking. “It’s only fair, Dazai. You got to see all of me, so I deserve some leverage on you too.”

Leverage? Oh… Dazai thinks she gets it. Chuuya’s at Dazai’s mercy right now. Dazai’s father owns this safe house, Dazai’s people are guarding the perimeter, and Dazai’s the one who can treat her injuries. Chuuya’s asking for some control over the situation. She’s asking for trust in return. Dazai can handle that.

She looks up, but Chuuya’s already turned her head away, cheeks a faint red. She detaches her hand but Dazai grabs it before it can retreat further.

“Hey.” Dazai brings Chuuya’s hand close to her face. Chuuya meets here eyes. She seems confused. “A while ago I got into an accident.”

“An accident?” If Chuuya doubts her, she wouldn’t show it.

“Yeah. It really messed up the right side of my face. It used to look really bad so I always bandaged it. It became a habit.”

Dazai hesitated on the next part. “And when I see myself without the patches, I get reminded how human I look.”

Chuuya’s gaze was unreadable now.

Shit. Don’t say more. Dazai found herself stuck explaining, “And it makes me a fraud because I’m not a human. Not inside. Not where it matters” Stop oversharing! She can feel her heartbeat going faster “Ahh ~ that part’s not really a big deal, though. How’s my face, Chuuya-kun? Is it cute?”

“What the hell are you saying, Dazai?” When she’s upset Chuuya’s voice goes down an octave from her usual high throaty pitch. It seems that’s the case here. Dazai stayed transfixed to the anger brewing in her eyes, and didn’t noticed that Chuuya’s hands landed themselves on either side of her face, cupping it gentler than her expression would have let on.

“Don’t you ever say that to my face again! You're not human? That’s complete bullshit.” Who taught Chuuya how to curse, anyway?

“Chuuya I-”

“Shut up. Don’t you understand, Dazai?” She really doesn’t understand. Chuuya’s expression melts into something Dazai can’t recognize. Her thumb strokes her right cheek and then Dazai is being pulled closer to the Earth. At some point her eyes close. Some muddled thought about trust floats around her head.

“You’re the most human person I’ll ever meet.”

Something soft and warm. Right under her eye. Dazai snaps back into awareness as Chuuya pulls away, red-faced, like a shrimp. A shrimpy color on a shrimpy person. Or the color of crab. Dazai loves crab. Dazai loves- Chuuya squirmed under her gaze. Oh, right. How much time did she just lose?

“You took me by surprise last Friday,” Chuuya confesses, looking away in embarrassment. “And then I got scared, because I felt so good in that one moment with you, and then I had to go back… Home.” She shuddered. “And I’ve been trying change, you know? Because I didn’t feel alive until I met you, and then suddenly I wanted to feel alive for you.”

Dazai didn’t know how to respond, so she wrapped her hand around the back of Chuuya’s neck, carefully over thick patch of gauze that protected her injury. Chuuya looked breathless. “And then last week, I realized that my freedom had run out, so I took a chance and escaped. And now we’re here. And it’s all your fault Dazai. I did it because of you.”

There’s something dark and stormy in Chuuya’s eyes.

“And that stupid goddamned kiss. It was fucking incredible .”

Dazai closed the distance between them again. And again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again andagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagainandagain –

***

So their night went peacefully after that. Dazai never ended up rewrapping her eye, just for the sake of savoring that adorable flustered look on Chuuya’s face. Cleaning the bathroom was a more irritating chore. Dazai had nudged the pile that was Chuuya’s blood-soaked uniform and a random set of green and yellow gardening gloves she somehow acquired. (“Hey you sure you didn’t go and murder anyone, Slug?” she had taunted. Chuuya ominously didn’t answer.) Dr Mori had kept a huge stock of spicy instant noodles in the pantry and the two of them held a contest to see who could handle the spice better. It ended in a tie because Dazai refused to admit she had a runny nose and tears in her eyes.

And now they were in bed, in each other's arms. Dazai hugged her… girlfriend? partner? … closer. Chuuya was so warm. Like a human furnace. Dazai could happily die right now. Until Chuuya spoke up.

“Dazai, why did you tell me I would look cute in a cage right before you kissed me. ” Death needs to arrive a little faster. Dazai is a little spent from the embarrassing and soulbearing conversations earlier.

“It. It was a dog joke Chuuya. Because you’re my doggy.”

“Likely story. You just want me to have no freedom under you instead.” Dazai pointedly didn’t wrap herself around Chuuya more, to prove her self restraint and respect for Chuuya’s autonomy.

“Please drop it. You don’t understand my prodigal mind.”

“Hmm. How about never?”

A comfortable silence settled over them again. Chuuya pushed herself deeper into Dazai’s hold. She was wearing a pair of oven mits that she found in the kitchen, and Dazai didn’t bother to ask why. What did matter was that this moment never ended.

“Dazai.” Chuuya started. “I’m…”

“Hm?” Dazai shifted her position so she could see Chuuya��s expression. It was horribly vulnerable.

“I… don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight.”

The unspoken words rang clearly in Dazai’s mind. She smiled and ran her hand through the short red hair. There was a light shining in Chuuya’s eyes. If they were going to pull an all-nighter, then Dazai better start counting.

“Yeah. Me too, Chuuya”

***

Dazai woke up to the barrel of an assault rifle pressed to her temple and a tall man in a white lab coat holding Chuuya in his arms.

#i never actually written like. normally non-essay context b4 so sorry if it doesn't work well.#but here lemme ramble a second.#i skipped around a bit like where dazai actually finds chuuya. or this part where black lizard fights the military fight to let skk escape #i've always had this fixation with dazai timing things to the second. whether it be for plans or to help him analyze things quickly #or just a habit #i'm obssesed with flipping the script for these two in the au. chuuya get's to be 'ur literally peak human' to dazai this time #minor headcanon abt dz's right eye #I wanted to put a little effort into Kunikida and dazai's friendship here too! he's such a reliable bro. putting an emphasis on trust yknow #you can ask about the oven mitts but i can't really give you a response #no apologies for the ending :3 #anyways. escalate escalate escalate escalate #no more school! time for the Horrors #what's next on schoolkoku trauma hour?#dazai finally gets the bigger picture and then it becomes sends them to jail au.#fukuzawa and mori must team up to post bail.#and the return of Coach Frankenstein???#bsd #bungo stray dogs #dazai #chuuya #kunikida #mentioned: yosano ranpo mori and hirotsu.#skk #fem soukoku

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piived · 6 months

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𝐃𝐏𝐱𝐃𝐂 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞/𝐖𝐈𝐏 — ‘𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬’ ᴘᴛ. 2

part 1

“Hey- wha- Danny!” Jason yelled in panic and jerked forward, hands on the ledge to look down and body ready to vault after his idiot as quickly as he could, but was stopped by a familiar cackle, a sudden burst of light, and Danny himself standing, no floating, in front of him with stark white hair and green eyes that were quite literally glowing.

What the fuck.

“What the fuck,” he parroted his thoughts. His lips still tingled from where Danny had pressed his own against them and it was all together enough to make his brain short circuit.

“Yeah, so, uh, hi?” Danny waved lamely which turned into even lamer jazz hands, “Surprise?”

Jason blinked. And blinked again. “What the fuck,” he repeated again, this time with feeling. Danny winced a little and launched into an explanation.

“So, you know I died? Well, apparently while I was dying my DNA was also being infused with, like, a shit ton of ectoplasm which made sure I didn’t all the way die but I also didn’t come all the way back and ended up as half-ghost half-living — halfa is actually the term we use, but that’s not super important right now —” his words were nearly blending together with how fast he was trying to explain, “And, oh! I can transform at will and have been fighting ghosts since I was fourteen because they come through the same portal that I well, you know, died in, and I may also have some super cool powers and technically be King-to-Be of the Infinite Realms because I beat the last King in combat and inherited the throne, sooooo,” Danny finally stopped his word vomit. “Questions?” He finished meekly.

Jason stared and stared before tilting his head back and groaning. “Of fucking course my boyfriend would be a fucking ghost king. I am never going to live this down.” He scrubbed a hand down his face and turned to see Danny grinning lopsidedly at him. “What now?” He asked warily, suddenly feeling like a long nap would do him wonders and, really, the concrete roof was absolutely not the worst place he’d slept on before, so maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea—

Danny floated closer and Jason’s attention was stolen by the fact that his legs had transformed into a trail of… mist? Gas? What were ghosts even made of? Jason didn’t know but the sight was disconcerting and a little more than a bit distracting, especially paired with the skin-tight suit that had taken place of Danny’s usual baggier clothing. He took it all in with fascination and still a hint of disbelief.

“Boyfriend, huh?”

His eyes shot back up to Danny’s green ones and he flushed a bit at how close he had gotten without Jason noticing. He pinched his lips together when the question sunk in.

Well, in for a penny and all that.

Danny’s grin widened even more but Jason didn’t give him the time nor satisfaction to say something witty; he gave into his desires and cupped Danny’s face, noting both how strange it was to not have to lean down whatsoever to look Danny in the eyes (since he was still, y’know, floating) and how cold his skin was (Danny had always ran cold, but this was different, like the complete absence of any underlying heat that blood and skin produced).

Danny’s grin morphed into something softer and surprised, as if Jason had caught him off guard. Good. See how he likes it.

“Yes,” Jason stated, voice a bit gruff but soft between them, and Danny’s eyes darted back to his own from where they had been staring at Jason’s lips. Score. “Boyfriend,” and then, because he was a gentleman, thank you very much: “Only if you want, of cour—“ Jason was cut off by another press of lips on his own, only this time he was prepared and held on tighter, not letting Danny pull back as quickly.

Their lips stayed pressed together, soft and gentle and it made Jason ache with something fierce. He wasn’t used to tenderness. He wasn’t used to getting what he wanted. He wasn’t used to anyone wanting him back.

When they finally pulled away it was only to lean their foreheads against each other. Danny let out a breathless laugh and nudged his nose against Jason’s in a way that made his stomach flip at the casual affection. “Yes,” Danny said with another quick peck to Jason’s lips, “Boyfriends.”

Jason couldn’t stop the small, crooked grin if he had even wanted to try (and he really, really didn’t). It had been a long time since he had felt this good. This happy. Sure, he’d gotten a lot better in the past couple of years since he came back full of boiling green rage and the itch for violence at his fingertips, but Danny was the one to make him want to be better. Jason finally wanted to come back to himself, to allow himself the grace to forgive and be forgiven and move towards a future that wasn’t bathed in blood and tainted by the Pit Rage. He wanted a better relationship with his family. He wanted to do his city proud. And he wanted Danny by his side through it all, apparent Kingly status and everything.

“Good,” Jason said, drinking in the sight of Danny’s own giddy grin that showed off the longer and more pointed canines that Jason was definitely not imagining dragging along his skin. No siree. He shuddered, and it was definitely from the cold that Danny radiated. Nothing else.

Danny seemingly felt the shiver and pulled back a little more and with a flash of light he was back to his messy black hair and blue eyes, standing on the ledge with his arms around Jason’s shoulders much like they were before he had tried to give Jason a heart attack earlier. The temperature warmed a few degrees and Jason noted the fact to ask about later. “Good,” Danny parroted and then let out a little sigh, “Though, we really do need to talk about this so you actually know what you’re getting into. There’s… there’s a lot I need to explain.”

Jason nodded in agreement. He couldn’t imagine that anything Danny had to tell him would change the way he felt, but he would very much like to know everything. “My place or yours?”

Danny grinned mischeivously, “What, not the Batcave? The sooner I disclose my identity to all your bats the less chance of me slipping that I know and being hunted for sport, right? Plus, I think I could use Batman and Red Robin’s help on a couple of things assuming they’re amenable.”

Jason shook his head immediately, not wanting to imagine how the conversation would go with his entire family there to harass them without them being a hundred percent prepared (and very curious about what exactly Danny could need Bruce and Tim’s help with).

“Absolutely not. I’m not letting that conversation happen with you there until I know they can all behave themselves and not be asses about it. Jason was especially worried about Bruce’s reaction considering the man’s trust issues and his invasive need to pry and leave no stone left unturned. His siblings would be nosy and insufferable with their teasing but at least Jason was used to their antics and could shield Danny from the worst of it by giving them the short rundown before the full question panel had to happen. No, better for Jason to learn it all first and be able to prepare them both for the inevitable shitshow.

Danny shrugged, “Probably best to go to my place anyway; I stole a bunch of tech from my parents and it’s way easier to explain everything with some visual examples.”

Jason arched a brow, “What kind of tech?”

Danny’s grin was down right devilish as he transformed once more with a flash of light and held out an inviting hand as he floated a few feet away from the ledge, “How do you feel about going ghost hunting?”

Jason had a sudden feeling that Danny was going to be the death of him, but, strangley, the thought wasn’t nearly as frightening as it should have been. Maybe Danny was onto something when he said dying once really put things into persepctive. After all, there were much worse ways to go.

He confidently stepped onto the ledge and grabbed the offered hand tightly, “Bring it on, Ghost King.”

#lol here it is finally! i don’t have any more written for it but that may change if Lady Inspiration blesses me #i have a general outline of the lead up to this and what comes next but it will probably stay a drabble rather than an actual fic #anyways i hope you enoyed :) <3 #dpxdc #dpxdc dead on main #dead on main #dpxdc drabble #dead on main drabble #vee’s dpxdc writing #vee’s dpxdc drabbles #vee’s drabbles #vee’s writing

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amaranthdahlia · 7 months

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if you won't be mine ... then

#ik i havent made it obvious here on tumblr but i was absolutely obsessed with this chapter holy fuck #hori COOKED with this chapter my GOD #ive been asking for ofa/afo lore for a year and we finally got it !!!!!#and fuckkkk i ate it all up and ate the plate too #im more active on twitter so u couldnt tell but yeah i fucking love the ofa lore/subplot #and i absolutely LOVE yoichi and kudou #so this chapter sent me to heaven esp the last panels #also this made me wanna kill afo with hammers even more fucking creep #and it was so well written about it too #my god the way talked about yoichi made my skin crawl #and also his philosophy was frankly interesting #still think he should drop dead by the end tho #anyways excited for more ofa lore my GOD ive waired for this shit for a year #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha kudou #shigaraki yoichi #shigaraki afo #all for one #2nd ofa user #mha manga spoilers #mha manga #mha 407 #cw blood #dahlia.art

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mooseyspooky · 3 months

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Songs Moz says he wrote about Johnny:

-Angel, Angel Down We Go Together

Meanwhile, all the songs that I think are actually about Johnny, or in some way referring to him:

-Hand In Glove (1983)

-No, it's not like any other love. This one is different, because it's us.

-So, hand in glove I stake my claim. I'll fight to the last breath. If they dare touch a hair on your head, I'll fight to the last breath. For the good life is out there somewhere. So stay on my arm, you little charmer, but I know my luck too well. Yes, I know my luck too well. And I'll probably never see you again.

-Reel Around The Fountain (1983)

-Fifteen minutes with you. Well, I wouldn't say no. Oh, people said that you were virtually dead, and they were so wrong.

-I dreamt about you last night, and I fell out of bed twice. You can pin and mount me like a butterfly, but, "Take me to the haven of your bed" was something that you never said. Two lumps, please. You're the bee's knees but so am I.

-What Difference Does It Make? (1982)

-All men have secrets and here is mine. So let it be known. For we have been through hell and high tide. I think I can rely on you, and yet you start to recoil. Heavy words are so lightly thrown, but still I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you.

-*But now you know the truth about me. You won't see me anymore. Well, I'm still fond of you.

-But I'm still fond of you. Oh, my sacred one.

-Miserable Lie (Linder/Johnny) (1982)

-I know I need hardly say how much I love your casual way. Oh, but please put your tongue away. A little higher and we're well away. The dark nights are drawing in, and your humor is as black as them. I look at yours, you laugh at mine, and "love" is just a miserable lie. You have destroyed my flower-like life. Not once - twice. You have corrupt my innocent mind. Not once - twice.

-This Charming Man (1983)

-When in this charming car. This charming man.

-Why pamper life's complexity when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?

-This man said, "It's gruesome that someone so handsome should care."

-These Things Take Time (1982)

-Mine eyes have seen the glory of the sacred wunderkind.

-But I can't believe that you'd ever care, and this is why you will never care.

-I'm spellbound, but a woman divides, and the hills are alive with celibate cries. But you know where you came from, you know where you're going, and you know where you belong. You said I was ill and you were not wrong.

-The alcoholic afternoons when we sat in your room - they meant more to me than any than any living thing on earth. It had more worth than any living thing on earth. Vivid and in your prime. You will leave me behind.

-Handsome Devil (1982)

-You ask me the time, but I sense something more. And I would like to give what I think you're asking for.

-You handsome devil. Oh, you handsome devil. Let me get my hands on your mammary glands, and let me get your head on the conjugal bed.

-I crack the whip, and you skip, but you deserve it. And when we're in your scholarly room, who will swallow whom?

-Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want (1984)

-So for once in my life let me get what I want. Lord knows it would be the last time.

-I Want The One I Can't Have (1984)

-On the day that your mentality decides to try to catch up with your biology - come 'round. 'Cause I want the one I can't have, and it's driving me mad. It's all over, all over, all over my face.

-And if you ever need self-validation just meet me in the alley by the railway-station. It's all over my face.

-That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore (1984)

-Park the car at the side of the road. You should know time's tide will smother you - and I will too. When you laugh about people who feel so very lonely their only desire is to die - well, I'm afraid it doesn't make me smile.

-It was dark as I drove the point home, and on cold leather seats - well, it suddenly struck me. I just might die with a smile on my face after all.

-Well I Wonder (1983/1984)

-Do you hear me when you sleep? I hoarsely cry.

-Do you see me when we pass? I half-die.

-Please keep me in mind.

-I Know It's Over (1985)

-I know it's over - still I cling. I don't know where else I can go.

-Sad veiled bride, please be happy. Handsome groom, give her room. Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly. Though she needs you more than she loves you.

-I know it's over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real. And you even spoke to me, and said: "If you're so funny then why are you on your own tonight? And if you're so clever then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very entertaining then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very good-looking why do you sleep alone tonight?"

-Love is natural and real, but not for you, my love. Not tonight, my love. Love is natural and real, but not for such as you and I, my love.

-Never Had No One Ever (1985)

-Now I'm outside your house - I'm alone. And I'm outside your house. I hate to intrude.

-The Boy with the Thorn in His Side (1985)

-How can they look into my eyes, and still they don't believe me? How can they hear me say those words - still they don't believe me? And if they don't believe me now will they ever believe me?

-How can they see the love in our eyes, and still they don't believe us? And after all this time they don't want to believe us. And if they don't believe us now will they ever believe us?

-There Is a Light That Never Goes Out (1985)

-Driving in your car. I never, never want to go home. Because I haven't got one anymore.

-Driving in your car. Please don't drop me home.

-And if a double-decker bus crashes into us - to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us - to die by your side...well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.

-Take me out tonight. Take me anywhere, I don't care. And in the darkened underpass I thought, "Oh God, my chance has come at last." But then a strange fear gripped me, and I just couldn't ask.

-Stretch Out and Wait (1985)

-All the lies that you make up...what's at the back of your mind? Your face I can see, and it's desperately kind - but what's at the back of your mind?

-Amid concrete and clay, and general decay, nature must still find a way. So ignore all the codes of the day. Let your juvenile impulses sway...God, how sex implores you to let yourself lose yourself.

-Stretch out and wait. Let your puny body lie down. As we lie, you say...stretch out and...

-Shakespeare's Sister (1985)

-But I'm going to meet the one I love. So, please don't stand in my way, because I'm going to meet the one I love.

-I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible.

-Sweet and Tender Hooligan (1986)

-He said that he'd never, never do it again, and of course he won't - not until the next time.

-Would you look into those motherly eyes? I love you for you, my love, you, my love.

-Is It Really So Strange? (1986)

-And I can't help the way I feel. You can kick me, and you can punch me, and you can break my face, but you won't change the way I feel. 'Cause I love you.

-Is it really so strange? I say no, you say yes - and you will change your mind.

-London (1986)

-Smoke lingers 'round your fingers. Train a-heave on to Euston. Do you think you've made the right decision this time?

-You left your girlfriend on the platform with this really ragged notion that you'll return, but she knows that when he goes, he really goes. And do you think you've made the right decision this time?

-Ask (1986)

-So if there's something you'd like to try...Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?

-Because if it's not love then it's the bomb...that will bring us together.

-Nature is a language, can't you read?

-I Started Something I Couldn't Finish (1987)

-The lanes were silent. There was nothing, no one, nothing around for miles. I doused our friendly venture with a hard-faced, three-word gesture.

-I started something, I forced you to a zone - and you were clearly never meant to go. Hair brushed and parted, typical me...I started something, and now I'm not too sure.

-I grabbed you by guilded beams. That's what tradition means. And I doused another venture with a gesture that was absolutely vile.

-Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before (1987)

-Nothing's changed. I still love you, oh, I still love you...only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love.

-Who said I'd lied to her? Who said I'd lied, because I never...

-Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me (1987)

-Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me. No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm.

-Last night I felt real arms around me. No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm.

-I Won't Share You (1987)

-I won't share you, no. I won't share you. With the drive and ambition. The zeal I feel, this is my time.

-Life tends to come and go. That's okay...as long as you know.

-I'll see you somewhere. I'll see you sometime, darling.

-I Keep Mine Hidden (1987)

-Hate, love and war force emotions to the fore, but not for me of course, of course. I keep mine hidden.

-But it's so easy for you...because you let yours flail into public view.

-The lies are so easy for you, because you let yours slide into public view.

-Alsatian Cousin (1987)

-Were you and he lovers? And would you say so if you were?

-A note upon his desk. "P.S. Bring Me Home And Have Me!" Leather elbows on a tweed coat -is that the best you can do? So came his reply: "But on the desk is where I want you."

-Angel, Angel Down We Go Together (1987)

-Note: I personally believe that this song is Johnny speaking to Morrissey shortly after the breakup.

-Angel, angel. Don't take your life tonight. I know they take, and that they take in turn. And they give you nothing real for yourself in return, but when they've used you and they've broken you, and wasted all your money, and cast your shell aside - and when they've bought you and they've sold you, and they've billed you for the pleasure, and they've made your parents cry. I will be here, oh, believe me. I will be here, believe me. Angel, don't take your life. Some people have got no pride. They do not understand the urgency of life. But I love you more than life.

-Late Night, Maudlin Street (1987)

-Note: In a similar vein, I think this is Morrissey's side of the conversation from Angel, Angel Down We Go Together. It is the very next song on the album (Viva Hate). This song is a mix of movie quotes, description of movie scenes, and (more or less) spoken word pieces. Those spoken word pieces I think are Moz' response to Johnny in Angel, Angel. 'Don't take your life, tonight.' 'I took strange pills, but I never meant to hurt you,' ect. Morrissey has only performed this song live once (around the early 2000s) and stopped halfway through.

-Love at first sight. May sound trite, but it's true, you know. I could list the details of everything you ever wore, or said, or how you stood that day.

-Truly I do love you. Oh, truly I do love you.

-When I sleep with that picture of you framed beside my bed...Oh, it's childish and it's silly, but I think it's you in my room by the bed. Yes, I told you it was silly, and I know I took strange pills, but I never meant to hurt you. Oh, truly I love you.

-The last bus I missed to Maudlin Street. So, he drove me home in the van, complaining, "Women only like me for my mind..."

-And so we crept through the park. No, I cannot steal a pair of jeans off a clothesline for you...but you without clothes. Oh, I could not keep a straight face. Me, without clothes? Well, a nation turns its back and gags.

-Oh, truly I do love you...wherever you are.

-Suedehead (1987)

-Why do you come here? And why, why do you hang around? I'm so sorry...Why do you come here when you know it makes things hard for me? ...Why do you telephone? And why send me silly notes? I'm so sorry.

-You had to sneak into my room just to read my diary. "It was just to see, just to see." All the things you knew I'd written about you. Oh, so many illustrations. But I'm so very sickened. I am so sickened now...Oh, it was a good lay, good lay.

-Break Up the Family (1987)

-The strange logic in your clumsiest line - it stayed emblazoned on my mind. You say, break up the family, and let's begin to live our lives.

-Yes, you found love, but you weren't at peace with your life. Home late, full of hate. Despise the ties that bind.

-I Don't Mind If You Forget Me (1987)

-I don't mind - I don't mind if you forget me.

-So now you send me your hardened 'regards' when once you'd send me 'Love.' Sincerely I must tell you your mild 'best wishes' - they make me suspicious.

-The pressure to change, to move on was strange, and very strong. So this is why I tell you - I really do understand. Bye bye.

-Rejection is one thing, but rejection from a fool is cruel.

-I Know Very Well How I Got My Name (1987)

-A child in a curious phase. A man with sullen ways. I know very well how I got my name. You think you were my first love. You think you were my first love, but you're wrong. You were the only one. Who's come and gone.

-Treat Me Like a Human Being (1987)

-It's hard, but try...for once, just for once...Leave all your hate behind you. It's still all so strange and obscene for you to look and see one who is real and who feels life.

-Three words could change my life. So once, just for once...let the night pass with ease, son. Treat me like a human being. I'd like to know how this feels.

-Three words could change my life, yet you treat me like you never care.

-Happy Lovers at Last United (1988)

-Happy lovers, back together, and I do feel proud. Happy lovers, reunited, and I do feel proud now. I'm not the type to boast as you know, though it was me who brought them back together. He is so kind, and she is so clever, but they don't want me now, hanging around.

-I rang to her to explain of how he really wants to see you again. I said more or less the same thing to him too, which wasn't true. And now they walk, hand in hand, all is planned, by the silent glance I believe, that only lovers share. And I'm proud to have done something good for once. And she is so kind, and he's so clever, but they don't need me now, hanging around.

-Will Never Marry (1988)

-For whether you stay, or you stray, an inbuilt guilt that catches up with you - and as it comes around to your place at 5 a.m., wakes you up, and it laughs in your face.

-He Knows I'd Love to See Him (1989)

-He knows, he knows, or...I think he does. 'Cause when I lived in the arse of the world...he knows, he knows. He knows I'd love to see him happy, or as close as is allowed.

-Oh, my name still conjures up deadly deeds, and a bad taste in the mouth.

-He doesn't know...

-Yes, I Am Blind (1989)

-Love's young dream. I'm the one who shocked you. I'm the one who stopped you, 'cause in my sorry way I love you.

-Love's young dream...aren't you sorry for what you've done? Well, you're not the only one, and in my sorry way I love you.

-Yes, I am blind, but I do see evil people prosper over the likes of you and me always.

-Oh Phoney (1989)

-May this lovely letter reach its destination...if only. Question one is why do you pretend that you like me? Oh Phoney. See how the outside contradicts what's inside.

-Who can make Hitler seem like a bus conductor? You do, oh Phoney you do. You sing a lovely song to a scale, and the words spell out my name. Oh Phoney. But then you kick me down below, 'cause you know it won't show. How could you?

-King Leer (Linder?/Johnny) (1990)

-Your boyfriend, he went down on one knee...Well, could it be he's only got one knee?

-Your boyfriend, he has the gift of the gab, or, could it be...the gift of the grab?

-Your boyfriend, he has displayed to me more than just a real hint of cruelty.

-Found Found Found (Peter Hogg?/Johnny) (1990)

-Found, found, found...someone who's worth it in this murkiness. Someone who's never seeming to be scheming...(Oh, but if I'd never found)...I do believe that the more you give your love, and I do believe that the more you give your trust...the more you're bound to lose. (Oh, but if I'd never found)...Somebody who wants to be who wants to be with me...all the time.

-The Loop (1990)

-I just want to say I haven't been away. I'm still right here, where I always was. So one day, if you're bored by all means call. Because you can do...but only if you want to. I just want to say I haven't been away. I am still right here, where I always was. So one day, when you're bored by all means call. Because you can do...but you might not get through.

-My Love Life (1991)

-Come on to my house. Come on and do something new. I know you love one person so why can't you love two? (Note: Moz once changed this line to "I know you love one person, but why don't you love two?")

-Give a little something...give a little something to my love life.

-I know you love one person so why don't you love two, love? Love two (Note: Moz once changed this line to "I know you love one person, but why can't you love two?")

-Seasick, Yet Still Docked (1992)

-Wish I knew the way to reach the one I love. There is no way. Wish I had the charm to attract the one I love, but you see, I've got no charm.

-Tonight I've consumed much more than I can hold. Oh, this is very clear to you. And you can tell I have never really loved. You can tell by the way I sleep all day, and all of my life no one gave me anything...My love is as sharp as a needle in your eye. You must be such a fool to pass me by.

-I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday (1992)

-My love, wherever you are, whatever you are - don't lose faith. I know it's gonna happen someday to you. Please wait...

-You say that the day just never arrives, and it's never seemed so far away. Still, I know it's gonna happen someday to you.

-Tomorrow (1992)

-All I ask of you is one thing that you never do - would you put your arms around me? I won't tell anyone. Tomorrow...does it have to come?

-And what must come before. Oh, the pain in my arms. Oh, the pain in my legs. Oh, my shiftless body. Tomorrow. It's surely nearer now. You don't think I'll make it. I never said I wanted to - well, did I?

-All I ask of you is would you tell me that you love me. Tell me, tell me that you love me. Ah, I know you don't mean it.

-I'd Love To (1993)

-Again I lay awake, and I cried because of waste. I'd love to, but only with you...Oh, time is gonna wipe us out. There, I've said it loud and clear so that you will hear. There's no one in view. Just you...and time will never wipe you out. Now I've had enough. I've had more than could be my rightful share of nights I can't bear. How can it be fair? Time must wipe them out. So, again, I lay awake in a trance. Oh, I just want my chance, but only with you...that's all...

-Spring-Heeled Jim (1993)

-Spring-heeled Jim lives to love. Now kissing with his mouth full, and his eyes on some other fool. So many women - his head should be spinning. Ah, but no!

-Spring-heeled Jim slurs the words: "There's no need to be so knowing. Take life at five times your average speed, like I do."

-Billy Budd (1993)

-Say, Billy Budd. So you think that you should? Everyone's laughing! Since I took up with you. Things have been bad. Yeah, but now it's twelve years on. Now it's twelve years on. Yes, and I took up with you.

-Yes, and it's all because of us. Oh, and what was in our eyes...I said, Billy Budd I would happily lose both of my legs...I would lose both of my legs if it meant you could be free.

-Hold On to Your Friends (1993)

-A bond of trust has been abused. Something of value may be lost. Give up your job. Squander your cash - be rash. Just hold on to your friends. There are more than enough to fight and oppose. Why waste good time fighting the people you like? Who will fall defending your name?

-But now you only call me when you're feeling depressed. When you feel happy I'm so far from your mind. My patience is stretched. My loyalty vexed.

-Be mad, be rash. Smoke and explode. Sell all of your clothes. Just bear in mind: Oh, there just might come a time when you need some friends.

-Speedway (1993) (Johnny/Issues with the NME)

-And when you slam down the hammer can you see it in your heart? All of the rumors...keeping me grounded. I never said, I never said that they were completely unfounded.

-So when you slam down the hammer can you see it in your heart? Can you delve so low? And when you're standing on my fingers can you see it in your heart? And when you try to break my spirit it won't work, because there's nothing left to break...anymore.

-You won't sleep until the earth that wants me finally has me. Oh you've done it now. You won't rest. Until the hearse that becomes me finally takes me...And you won't smile until my loving mouth is shut good and proper. Forever.

-And all those lies, written lies, twisted lies. Well, they weren't lies. They weren't lies...I never said...I could have mentioned your name. I could have dragged you in. Guilt by implication. By association. I've always been true to you in my own strange way. I've always been true to you in my own sick way. I'll always stay true to you.

-You Must Please Remember (1994)

-A small boy, big ideas. You must please remember. A long road, with no turn-off. Oh, you must remember. Caught in your headlights like a frightened animal. You must remember. Someone cries twice nightly. Of course, I do remember. Someone cries, and you think quite rightly so, but you refuse to remember.

-Low-lights and long nights. I try hard to not remember. And you - too beautiful. I can't look. I've done so very many stupid things. It's too late.

-Honey, You Know Where To Find Me (1994)

-Honey, I'm not gonna cry for the things that never occurred. So do not remind me. Happy to be as I was in the first place. Honey you know where to find me...Kicking away from the mundane everyday. The envy is beyond me. I'm not gonna pine for the things that can never be mine. Do not expect me to. I'm happy to be who I was in the first place.

-Whatever Happens I Love You (1994)

-Names, secret names, but never in my favour. But when all is said and done - it's you I love. Cold loving prose. We stole each other's clothes, but when all is said and done - it's you I love. Yes, yes, yes, oh, yes. (Note: Moz often sings this as 'we wore each other's clothes')

-Fights for rights. Everyone's oh so quick with advice, and when they've all said their piece - it's still you I love. Now just like then...yes, yes. No, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

-You Should Have Been Nice to Me (Jake?/Johnny) (1994/1995)

-You could have told me at the right time. You could have introduced me proudly. Never need to have to kiss me. Never need to ever touch me, but you should have been nice to me. It would have been so easy. And on the moments when I was down you could have been there. You could have once just spoke in favor. You'd never need to ever touch me. But you should have been nice to me...It wouldn't cost you money. And on the moments when I fell down - not for you to say, oh, I told you so. You could have waited...

-Trouble Loves Me (1996/1997)

-Trouble loves me. Trouble needs me. Two things more than you do, or would attempt to. So, console me. Otherwise, hold me. Just when it seems like everything's evened out, and the balance seems serene...

-Trouble loves me. Walks beside me. To chide me. Not to guide me. It's still much more than you'll do.

-Go to waste in the wrong arms. Still running 'round. Trouble loves me. Seeks and finds me. To charlatanize me, which is only as it should be. Oh, please fulfill me. Otherwise, kill me.

-Then at midnight I can't get you out of my head. A disenchanted taste...still running 'round.

-Heir Apparent (1996/1997)

-It's all changed. You were there. Departing, starting a trek I had once took. With that "no-one's gonna stop me when I feel this way" look.

-You think it's so easy, I tell you - it isn't. But you may change minds with your winning smile.

-So I tried to make my way back to the station. You were still there, gleaming and leaving. Wide-eyed and awestruck, saying "How can anybody hate me if I love them first off?"

-Heir apparent. You say that you want it, I'm sure that you'll get it. They'll seduce your heart, and then they'll slap your arse.

-The Edges Are No Longer Parallel (1997)

-All of the things you said...so meaningful. They are all so suddenly meaningless. And the looks you gave...so meaningful. They are all so suddenly meaningless.

-My only mistake is I keep hoping...

-I Like You (Jake/Johnny) (2000-2002)

-Something in you caused me to take a new tact with you. You were going through something I had just about scraped through. Why do you think I let you get away with the things you say to me? Could it be I like you? It's so shameful of me - I like you. No one I ever knew or have spoken to resembles you. This is good or bad all depending on my general mood.

-Magistrates who spend their lives hiding their mistakes - they look at you and I, and envy makes them cry. Envy makes them cry. Forces of containment. They shove their fat faces into mine. You and I just smile, because we're thinking the same line.

-You're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why...you're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why...this is why I like you.

-Let Me Kiss You (Jake?/Johnny?) (2000-2002)

-There's a place in the sun for anyone who has the will to chase one. And I think I've found mine...so close your eyes. And think of someone you physically admire, and let me kiss you.

-Say, would you let me cry, on your shoulder. I've heard that you'll will try anything twice. (Note: Moz often sings this as 'you'll try anyone twice')

-But then you open your eyes, and you see someone that you physically despise. But my heart is open. My heart is open to you.

-Friday Mourning (2004)

-For years, I warned you. Through tears, I told you.

-This dawn raid soon put paid to all the things I'd whispered to you at night time. And I will never stand naked in front of you, or if I do, it won't be for a long time. Look once to me, look once to me - then look away. Look once to me, then look away.

-The Never-Played Symphonies (2004)

-I can't see those who tried to love me, or those who felt they understood me. And I can't see those who very patiently put up with me. All I can see are the never-laid, or the never played symphonies.

-You were one, you meant to be one. And you jumped into my face and laughed and kissed me on the cheek. And then were gone forever. Not quite.

-You were one, you knew you were one. And you slid right through my fingers. No, not literally, but metaphorically. And now you're all I see as the light fades.

-I Am Two People (2004)

-I love you. It's murder. I am two people. One you know, but don't like. The other one you don't know, but you don't want to.

-I love you. It's pointless. In my soul if I live or die this life.

-I have two faces. One of which you know. The other one, for your sake, I never would show. It's just because I love you. I cannot bear to be around you, and if only one or the other of us would drop down dead.

-You Have Killed Me (2005)

-Pasolini is me. 'Accattone' you'll be. I entered nothing and nothing entered me 'til you came with the key. And you did your best, but as I live and breathe - you have killed me.

-And there is no point saying this again - there is no point saying this again, but I forgive you, I forgive you. Always I do forgive you.

-Life is a Pigsty (2005)

-And once again I turn to you. Once again, I do. I turn to you.

-Life is a pigsty. And if you don't know this then what do you know? Every second of my life I only live for you. And you can shoot me, and you can throw me off a train. I still maintain...

-I can't reach you. I can't reach you. I can't reach you anymore. Can you please stop time? Can you stop the pain? I feel too cold. And now I feel too warm again. Can you stop this pain? Can you stop this pain? Even now in the final hour of my life I'm falling in love again...again.

-I Just Want to See the Boy Happy (2005)

-I want to see the boy happy with some hope in his pale eyes. Is that too much to ask?

-I want to see the boy happy with his arms around his first love. Is that too much to ask? Before I die I have one final dream. For my own life I don't care anything. And I just want to...I want to see this boy happy. Why is this such a bad thing?

-To Me You Are A Work of Art (Jake?/Johnny?) (2005)

-I see the world. It makes me puke. But then I look at you and know that somewhere there's a someone who can soothe me.

-To me you are a work of art. And I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.

-Black Cloud (2007)

-The one I love is standing near. The one I love is everywhere. I can woo you. I can amuse you, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine. Black cloud, black cloud. The one I love roosts in the mind. Can snap this spell, or increase hell. I can chase you, and I can catch you, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.

-I play the game of favorites now. I can, I must. I will, I do. I can please you, or I can freeze you out, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine. Black cloud, black cloud, black cloud...I can choke myself to please you, and I can sink much lower than usual. But there's nothing I can do to make you mine.

-Sorry Doesn't Help (2007)

-Sorries pour out of you. All wide-eyed simple smiles. Certain to see you through like a QC full of fake humility. You say: "Oh, please forgive..." You say: "Oh, live and let live..." But sorry doesn't help us, and sorry will not save us, and sorry will not bring my teen years back to me any time soon. Forced back, it springs right out. Seasoned, you have no doubts. You lied about the lies that you told - which is the full extent of what being you is all about.

-Sorry will not bring my love into my arms as far as I know...

-Sorry is just a word you find so easy to say...So you say it anyway. Sorry doesn't help us. Sorry won't protect us. Sorry won't undo all the good gone wrong, my love.

-I'm Ok By Myself (2007)

-Now this might surprise you, but I find I'm ok by myself. And I don't need you, or your morality to save me.

-Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm ok by myself, and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense.

-After all these years I find I'm ok by myself. And I don't need you, or your homespun philosophy. No, no, no, no...This might make you throw up in your bed: I'm ok by myself! And I don't need you, and I never have, I never have.

-Forgive Someone (2010-2014)

-Use a weapon of words, or a fight with your fists. But can you forgive someone? Stand your ground and persist, and be the last one to blink - but can you forgive someone? And if you do...I'll run to you. Betray you? With a word? I would slit my own throat first of all, I will. The black peat of the hills...when I was still ill. See this mess and forgive someone, and then recall if you can...how all this even began.

-Our truth will die with me. Our truth will die with me...Shorts and supports and faulty shower heads. At track and field we dreamt of our beds. In the bleachers you sit with your legs spread, smiling: "Here's one thing you'll never have." Our truth will die with me.

-Home is a Question Mark (written 2003, released 2017)

-I hug the land but nothing more, because I haven't met you. I've wined and I've dined with every bogus music mogul. No sign of you.

-I have been brave. Deep in every shaven cave. None were you.

-If I ever find home...if I get there, would you meet me? Wrap your legs around my face just to greet me.

-My Love, I'd Do Anything for You (possibly?) (2017)

-My love, I'd do anything for you. Society's hell. You need me just like I need you.

-You know me well. My love, I'd do anything for you.

-We all go our own ways, separately in the same direction, and here am I every night of my life always missing someone. I'd like to be rotted out just before I become aware of the pain. The more I wish in my heart for someone less likely they come.

-Never Again Will I Be A Twin (2017) (Possibly?)

-Never again will I be a twin. The operation went well, but the patient died. Never again will there be a smile to wipe off my face once it's too much. In a twin-like realm, in the plastic arts of falling in love, what a joke that was. What a joke that was.

-Darling, I Hug A Pillow (2020)

-Darling, I hug a pillow in absence of you. Darling, I hug a pillow to replace your face. Loving you is a trauma no one else should face, or sit still for. Why can't you give me some physical love?

-Darling, you will cry for me in the years to come. In the hope of a moment that cannot return...thankfully. Why can't you bring figs all pulpy and moist? Roasted in passion and salty in voice? No longer keeping a secret of your secret place.

Youtube Playlist

#And some songs I just can't pin down #Like I'm still not sure on You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side #Or Dear God Please Help Me #Anyways #Moz out here like I will make my obsession with this man my whole career #This man will be turning on a radio for 40 years and still be hearing songs about himself #What a vibe #And then just think about songs we have titles of but no final lyric #The song titled Angie #Or the song titled I Don't Want Us to Finish #How much has this man written about his boyfriend #And then the entirety of List of the Lost #Good gosh #Marrissey

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neverforpickles · 7 months

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Muffins & Cigarettes

sweetkalachuchi | Mature | 7.5K | 10/11/2023

Louis pouts.

“You can’t pout your way into this, Louis”, Harry said as he was fixing his tie, watch and rings glinting against the soft sunlight filtering through the window.

“Of course, I can. Watch me.”

Edited by Chay ( @ladychlo) & Mia ( @landh28 ).

Written for the @bottomlouisficfest .

#myfics #cristalread #blff #my child is finally here #the second work i have written this year that actually saw the light of the day #i’ve finished this before jezebel #anyways #these are just my jumbled thoughts somehow managed to be on the same page #hope you enjoy it if you choose to read it

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trainingdummyrabbit · 7 months

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in conclusion the most poignant thing about ruina is its running theme of Imperfection. imperfection, focused not on its flaws, but on the miracle of it existing to begin with. imperfection not as a failing, but as a triumph. its cracked, broken, deeply in need of repair-- but it's real and its ours and it exists. despite everything it exists and that enough is a relief beyond words, beyond expression. to present a toppled structure not as a conclusion, but an opportunity.

its the choice-- and the joy-- of looking forward, unflinchingly, and facing it. one step at a time.

#piktalk #projmoon #didnt want to . make a bigger tagwall than i already made . ae if ur reading this uhhhhhh sorry <33 hai KSJNFD #anyway one of these days i might get th voice to really truly put down everything and what it means in regards to . [motions w hands]#but this ones just on my mind right now. something abt the presentation of ruina just fucking Kills and this is the big reason why #ilike. had to take a good couple hours after th finale to just simmer with it. because well..#again. its imperfection. every other story has such stark; lined up beats and paths and Messages Youre Supposed To Take #which ive spoken on before-- and it isnt a bad thing necessarily! but it does really speak something; quietly;#for those whose development Isnt That Neat. that Isnt That Kind. to themself or to others. im no expert; but it really does mean something #that ruina is written in such a way where there is no 'this is wrong and heres how they fix it to be forgiven'#or 'this is right and what everyone should do to be a Good Person'#angela simply Is. roland simply Is. they all simply Are. they make choices; have hopes; dreams; things they care about--#and theres no overarching echo of What Should Be. simply what people do; and what people hope for.#um. anyway. tag wall again; in conclusion: Why Dont You Go Listen To Poems Of A Machine And Maybe Then Youll Calm Down

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active-mind-15 · 2 months

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I was playing Sky: Children of the Light recently and thought about the Teiko gang + Kagami playing it together

Before I start with my headcanons, I'm sure some of y'all don't know what Sky: Children of the Light is, so I'll explain briefly.

Sky is a social adventure game where you play as a child from the now-desolate Sky Kingdom. Through exploring the seven realms of this kingdom, you restore the light back to the remaining spirits while unraveling the lore of the kingdom and figuring out what happened to it and where all the people went. You can play this game solo if you want to, but it's best played with friends. You can also play with up to eight friends on one server, and the Teiko gang + Kagami is exactly eight people, which works out perfectly! So this post will be me talking about the type of players I think all of them would be on Sky and what type of hijinks I think they'd get into if they decided to play on the same server. The rest will be under the cut. Enjoy!

KUROKO

Very diligent about playing Sky on a regular basis but doesn't play super long sessions unless he's playing with other people. Totally fine with playing by himself since he likes to wander the maps and find quiet secluded places to sit.

But sometimes he also "people watches" in the game and categorizes people based on how they play Sky. Ever since he started people-watching for basketball, it translates into pretty much everything he does, so social video games are no exception.

But when he's taking a break from solitude, he's helping moths (a term of endearment for newbies in Sky) navigate their way through the game and complete quests. There are probably a few he befriends and sees from time to time when he opens Sky, and he kinda feels like a proud parent each and every time he runs into them and sees how much they've leveled up.

Since he's an avid reader I would think he'd be a big fan of worldbuilding and lore and so I think he'd really like exploring the lore of Sky. He follows the official Sky pages on Twitter and YT to keep updated.

In terms of what Kuroko would look like in Sky (since you can customize your Sky kid's outfit and hair), he would dress very simplistically. His fit would almost always be something from the regular accessory constellations. Nothing flashy or out of the ordinary. The only non-default accessory he consistently wears is a pair of sunglasses he got during one season (a season is a period where you can do limited-time themed events and be able to get special cosmetics and emotes). He's pretty frugal in-game, so even though he has a fair number of candles (the in-game currency), he doesn't spend it that much. And the things he spends it on are small accessories and other trinkets.

Somehow, his Misdirection translates into Sky as well because most people really don't notice him, so it's pretty difficult for him to open special doors that require the help of at least two people. That's why he always befriends people who notice him. He knows that they've got his back and he's got theirs.

In Sky, you can also leave messages for other players to read. They usually take the form of paper boats or cranes you can place in any body of water in Sky, and you can write whatever you want on them (within reason of course). So, I can imagine Kuroko would always leave encouraging messages for others like "Don't give up!" and "You can do it!" Those messages always get so much attention, but nobody ever knows who writes them.

KAGAMI

Is almost never on by himself. Most of the time, he's online when Kuroko is online and they do quests together.

Since he's more of an infrequent player, he's often confused about certain aspects of the game and will need Kuroko to help him out.

He likes the game for the pretty scenery and nice music but doesn't really engage with it on a deeper level since he's not super informed about The Lore™. As a result, he's constantly asking Kuroko for explanations as to why certain things in the game are happening.

The rare times he is on by himself he's kind of awkward in navigating the maps and making friends. I would say he's more of a moth than anyone on this list, which means that whenever he's by himself, other players feel more inclined to help him out, which is how he kind of gets adopted by multiple different players. He would log into Sky and check his friend constellations to find that multiple people have gifted him light (you need light to be able to forge hearts which are a more valuable type of in-game currency that buys you more extravagant cosmetics compared to candles).

I would say he often gets sidetracked while doing quests. He'd see somewhere that he hadn't explored and drop everything to go check it out.

The way his Sky kid is dressed is a mixture of regular and seasonal cosmetics that he's managed to snag. He always tries to make himself look cool on Sky, so he cares a little bit more about his appearance because of that.

He is perpetually broke on Sky. Almost always less than 10 candles to his name. So when the time comes for him to buy a cosmetic that he really likes, he's constantly having to hustle last-minute and collect enough light around the kingdom to forge candles.

KISE

Either plays by himself or with the rest of the gang however he much prefers company and is not above pestering the others to come online and play with him.

Also a regular player because the game is cute and fun for him. He probably plays it a lot while he's on break during a modeling session or during lunch breaks at school.

He knows the basic lore of Sky but doesn't go any further. He's not one to create theories like that because he also kinda takes it at face value.

He's the type to unlock all the nodes in his friends' constellations so he can do cute things with them (unlocking friendship nodes means you can initiate gestures with friends like high-fives, hugs, piggyback rides, and more).

Because he's so used to being followed and chased by fangirls due to his modeling career, he likes the anonymity of Sky because it gives him the freedom to approach and chat with other players as an equal.

He is the flashiest Sky kid out of everyone. If he's not grinding to get all the seasonal cosmetics, he's using real money to splurge on some of the cosmetics you can't buy with in-game currency. The others sometimes are embarrassed by how much he sticks out, but Kise never lets that deter him from being the most fashionable person on the server.

He also likes leaving messages in paper boats, but they're usually generic messages like a "hi!" with a bunch of emojis. Anyone in the gang who finds his messages will screenshot them and send them to Kise via text to let him know that his messages have been spotted.

MIDORIMA

He plays this game on and off, but when he's on, he's on.

He usually plays with other people since he's more likely to play if there's a group session, but it's not uncommon to catch him doing quests by himself or simply just exploring parts of the map he's never been to before.

He strikes me as someone who'd be super deep into Sky lore and making his own theories. But his tsundere ass would pretend like he's not into it and swears that he only got this game because Kise and Momoi begged him to, even though there are too many occasions of other people in the gang asking if he wants to join them to do daily quests and Midorima responding that he's already done them, and everyone wises up that he likes the game far more than he lets on, but they don't call him out on it.

He only bothers playing with actual friends. He doesn't really interact with other strangers on the server. So, if he's on Sky by himself, he's truly just doing everything alone. Any nodes unlocked in his friendship constellation are unlocked by other people in the gang. He'd rather die than use his candles to unlock a hug emote with any of his friends.

Since there's a set limit to how many candles you can forge per day (there's a limited amount of light you can collect across the seven realms to forge candles and it refreshes daily), he takes note of where the biggest/most candles are and remembers that if he needs to forge a bunch of candles in a hurry but doesn't have time to collect every single fragment of light across all the realms.

In terms of what Midorima's Sky kid would look like, he'd be dressed very smartly. No matter what outfit he has on, he always seems to look like a scholar of some sort. Even his hair is well put together. He's not one to shy away from seasonal cosmetics, but they're not the over-the-top outfits like Kise would have on. He dresses a lot more modestly like Kuroko but not in that "default setting" sort of way.

He sometimes hoards spells (in Sky, you can purchase/be given spells that can allow you to give your Sky kid temporary boosts or powers like recharging your wings faster, making you taller or shorter, or even giving you a different outfit. These spells can also be shared with friends if you hold their hand while activating them.) He sometimes uses the outfit spells as a test run to see if something looks nice on him. And if it does, he'll save up enough candles to buy the real thing.

AOMINE

Very infrequent player. He'll log on once to wreak havoc all day before disappearing for weeks at a time.

He never plays unless someone else in the gang is also online. Especially if it's Kuroko.

Doesn't give a fuck about the lore at all and because he plays so infrequently he never has any idea what goes on.

He also doesn't have that much winged light (the more winged light you collect the more energy you have to fly) but somehow he manages to explore just as well as everyone else in the gang. It's kind of impressive.

He has no problem charging into the more dangerous areas of Sky. In fact, it would be better to say he likes to get himself into danger on purpose for that sweet, sweet adrenaline rush.

In terms of what his Sky kid looks like, I would say he also has very default accessories like Kuroko, not because he prefers them but because he's so infrequently online that he never earns enough seasonal candles to buy specially-themed accessories. However, trust and believe he will still make do with what he has. He seems like the type of person to prefer all the goofiest-looking cosmetics like beards and bushy eyebrows. It almost annoys the others how unserious his Sky kid looks at all times, but he never pays them any attention.

Sometimes when he's bored he'll try and exploit glitches in the game to see what they do or to try and get into an inaccessible area of the map.

MOMOI

Another frequent player. She loves this game DOWN. After school, she likes to get cozy in her room and hop online.

She enjoys playing both by herself and with the rest of the gang, she's not biased toward one or the other.

She really enjoys the lore of Sky and does things like analyze the appearance of each realm so she can make theories. I bet she has a notebook where she keeps track of all the lore and her interpretations of it. She exchanges theories with Kuroko a lot. Also Midorima, too, but he'll pretend like he's not interested in it.

She mainly likes to play with the rest of the gang but she's not opposed to making friends with a couple strangers on the server here and there. Sometimes if nobody from the gang is online, she'll do daily quests with these other players and sometimes add them to her friendship constellation.

You will never catch her broke on Sky. She does regular candle runs to replenish her earnings (going on a candle run means you travel through all the realms and collect all the available light so you can forge it into candles. You can typically earn about 20 candles in a day if you do a full candle run). She is probably the most consistent with gifting friends light and hearts, too. She's also the best person to ask about upcoming seasons and other Sky-related info since she follows the developers and the official Sky page on YouTube and Twitter.

Her Sky kid is the prettiest out of everyone's. Since she's such a frequent player, she has a bunch of seasonal cosmetics that she loves to alternate between. Every time the others see her, she's in a new outfit. She's just constantly decked out to the nines. She and Kise sometimes coordinate their outfits.

She has accumulated a lot of placeable props in her inventory (placeable props are decorative or functional items you can place on the ground in Sky. They could be anything from a cushion to a swing set.) She also loves to make shared spaces (shared spaces are little shrine areas that you can create and decorate as your space using props you have acquired. These spaces can also be accessed by other players). Her shared spaces are always cute and well-decorated. She likes to create them in secluded areas of the map so she and the rest of the gang can just hang out in those spaces together away from everyone else.

MURASAKIBARA

Not a super frequent player but more active than people expect. I peg him as a fan of cozy games.

Most times he prefers to play with other people, but sometimes he will have days where he'll just go off by himself and get up to God knows what.

He loosely follows the lore but doesn't really care about theories the way some of the others do. He doesn't really play Sky to think too hard about anything. He mainly just plays it to take his mind off other things.

Candle runs are so much work so sometimes he waits for others in the gang to come online before doing them for the sole purpose of holding onto their hands in-game and letting them do all the work on his behalf.

He loves accepting gifts of light and hearts but almost always forgets to return the favor. Kise complains about it the most.

His Sky kid is surprisingly well put together. When choosing hairstyles, he'll always go for the longer-haired ones out of habit. He sometimes likes wearing the pigtail hairstyles, too. In terms of cuteness, his Sky kid is second only to Momoi's. You will never catch him lacking when it comes to outfits.

He likes to antagonize Kagami when Kagami shows ignorance in something related to Sky. A simple "Huh? You didn't know even this much?" would be enough to send Kagami spiraling for ages. It's a very hilarious sight to see walls of text above the head of Kagami's Sky kid as he argues with Murasakibara through the in-game chat function.

AKASHI

Another unexpectedly frequent player. It's a refreshing change of pace from his busy life.

He has fun playing solo and playing with friends, and it astounds the others what he can get up to when left to play alone. He could probably tackle some of the more dangerous realms singlehandedly.

He is another person big on lore and exchanges theories with the other lore fans of the squad, focusing on even the most minute details of the map and the characters to make inferences. Sometimes he'll think of theories that the others hadn't even remotely considered. He also follows the official Sky page for updates, too and will (along with Momoi) be one of the first to know about new Sky-related info.

He has the best control of his Sky kid while flying out of everyone. He's just really good at maneuvering tight spaces or windy currents. Also really good at diving. The others never have to worry about him if they're traveling around the map. It's actually them who have to keep up with Akashi.

He's not one to officially befriend a lot of other players per se, but he does use the common areas scattered across the map to talk to people sometimes. He enjoys the idea of being able to approach whoever without worrying about people being intimidated by him. Being able to just be treated as a regular person feels nice.

His Sky kid is always dressed so stylishly. Not too flashy like Kise but not too proper like Midorima. Akashi lets himself get creative with the outfit coordination. He especially loves the different masks you can wear and loves collecting those the most.

You can also have instruments in Sky that are actually playable, so during group gaming sessions, he likes to sit down and play songs for the squad. You can either go buy the sheet music you can unlock through constellations or you can just play whatever random notes you like. Either way, Akashi finds a way to entertain his friends.

HOW WOULD THEY ALL PLAY TOGETHER AS A GROUP?

First of all, Akamomo as the canonical activity planners of their friend circle would be the ones to reach out to everyone for availabilities so they could arrange a group gaming session.

Most of the time they do full group sessions during new seasons where maybe new parts of the map are unlocked and they all get to discover it together.

Aomine is usually the one who puts everyone else's safety at risk in the more dangerous realms. There are a few realms with dark dragons that knock winged light out of players if they spot you, and Aomine sometimes deliberately provokes them. Most of the time he isn't able to dodge, which leaves everyone else to grab his winged light for him after he gets knocked out.

Sometimes Murasakibara disappears mid-game to go grab snacks so you'll see his Sky kid just snoozing while he's inactive.

Kuroko, Momoi, Akashi, and Midorima have fixations on cave paintings in Sky and will sometimes spend several minutes going back and forth on theories and interpretations of lore.

On occasion, after all of their daily quests are done, they like to find secluded parts of the map to just chill and talk. They like utilizing Momoi's shared spaces for that specific purpose.

Sometimes Kise manages to convince everyone to coordinate their outfits,

Kagami constantly has to be saved by the Teiko gang members when he runs out of energy to fly, and it humiliates him to no end. Especially if Aomine ends up saving him because he hates owing Aomine favors.

Kuroko loves using the high-five emote a lot, especially with Kagami and Aomine.

Kise refuses to go into scary parts of the map unless someone holds his hand in-game.

Aomine will sometimes break off from the group and come back holding a crab that he picked up from who knows where.

Akashi is the one who scopes out an area for potential danger first before letting the others start wandering around. If he feels like somebody in the group is about to be in danger, he'll start calling out to them to come back.

Midorima is constantly shepherding the others whenever they get distracted from doing their daily tasks. He will always make his annoyance known whenever the rest of the group is not doing what he thinks they should be doing. He sometimes enlists Momoi for help.

All in all, they're chaotic as fuck when they play altogether, but they admit that it makes everything all the more fun.

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panharmonium · 6 months

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Hi! I love your Naruto thoughts and meta posts with all my heart and I want to ask your thoughts on something that has been on my mind literally since I was 13: what do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura? I went from being a hardcore shipper when I was a teenager, to being against any romantic relationship in Naruto after finishing the anime when I was in my early twenties. Nowadays I'm very into platonic love and depictions of friendship and I think the anime's obsession with forcing the "romantic interest" curse upon the main female character robbed us of... so much. There are a few wonderful moments in the anime where Sasuke and Sakura acknowledge each other, but because she's always "the girl with the crush", her actions are so often interpret as irrational or selfish by the fandom.

Hi @riemmetric! It's great to talk to you again! Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this; RL has been making demands of me lately and it took me way longer to finish writing this up than I wanted it to (then again, I knew from the minute I read your original ask that my reply was going to get long, so I suppose I should have predicted a delay XD)

It's funny, my sister once asked me to choose between Sasuke or Sakura for an “unpopular opinion” meme, and I ended up doing Sasuke solely because I think the negative fandom opinions about Sakura are so unhinged and divorced from the actual text that I wouldn’t even know where to start. People are entitled to dislike whatever characters they want, obviously, but there are some fandom takes that are, for me, so obviously rooted in bad faith viewings/readings that there’s no urge in me to discuss them. That said, since you asked, I’m happy to go into my own thoughts on this a bit, with the disclaimer for other potential readers that I only write about fandom things for my own personal enjoyment, not as a contribution to The Discourse. If you don’t like Sakura, great! I have no interest in changing your mind. Please consider this a sincere invitation to scroll on by and go enjoy whatever parts of the fandom appeal to you.

In general terms: I love Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship as much as I love all of the relationships in Team 7. If we’re talking about them specifically as a romantic couple, then I probably fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, because I do like them together in a post-canon (to be clear: non-Boruto) setting, after time has passed and they’ve continued to develop individually and reconnect with each other, but I also wouldn’t exactly call myself an intense “shipper,” in the sense that I have no interest in pulling things out from the text and incorrectly citing them as evidence that Sasuke has hidden romantic feelings for her during the canon period. He cares about her in the canon period, just like he cares about Naruto and Kakashi. That’s not up for interpretation; it’s the text. But Sasuke during the canon time period does not demonstrate specifically romantic interest in anyone.

[A note before people who might ship Sasuke with Someone Else emerge to rail against this statement - please just scroll past and continue enjoying fandom in whatever way is most fun for you. It is cool to ship whatever fanon thing you want; I think that’s great! But earnestly citing any loving or emotional thing Sasuke does re: various characters in this story (yes, Sakura included) as indicative of specifically romantic love isn’t supported by the text. I know there are always going to be enormous subsets of any fandom who insist that it is, and I'm certainly not going to barge into anyone else's space to complain about that (because other people having fun together is harmless and none of my business), but I'm not obligated to indulge it on my own blog, either.]

Anyway, that said - the reason why I love Sakura and Sasuke’s relationship (from here on out I’ll use “relationship” in a general, non-romantic sense) is precisely because Sakura isn’t just “the girl with the crush.” Sakura has an arc when it comes to Sasuke, and its trajectory moves in the exact opposite direction of “irrational” or “selfish.” She specifically goes from “the girl with the crush” to “the girl who steels herself and tries to put her personal feelings for Sasuke aside for the greater good” to “the girl who knows she can’t put her feelings aside, but who also knows full well that Sasuke doesn’t reciprocate them, and who still wants to save him regardless, because he matters to her as a person and a friend.”

[I'm putting the rest of this under a cut to save everyone's dash, and also to emphasize once again that this is a personal post on my personal blog which I wrote in response to a question from a personal acquaintance, the full content of which no one is obligated to read. I am not sending this post to random strangers and forcing them to look at it. I'm not even putting it in the character tags. I'm typing it up on my own blog and putting it under a cut. If you already know that you don't like Sakura, but you still click the link/read the post and then feel an urge to comment and complain, I am going to copy-paste this disclaimer and remind you that I specifically recommended that you scroll past and go have fun with fandom in your own way. Thanks in advance for responsibly curating your own fandom experience!]

So, from the top:

1. the girl with the crush

Sakura is, obviously, completely obsessed with Sasuke at the beginning of Part 1. She’s also deeply clueless about him and his history (bizarre though it is, the story seems to indicate that she initially doesn’t know what happened with his family, the same way young!Obito is initially clueless about Kakashi’s father). But what I like about Sakura and Sasuke’s Part 1 relationship is how this changes over time.

The critical scene that kicks this off happens right at the beginning of the manga, when she and Sasuke are talking by that bench - she complains about Naruto and blames his behavior on him being all alone/having no family to scold him; and even says she’s jealous that he doesn’t have parents to nag him all the time. This obviously triggers an outburst from Sasuke, who tells her she has no idea what loneliness means and that she “makes him sick”/she’s “annoying” (importantly, the exact same thing Sakura said to Naruto in anger earlier that day), which in turn prompts Sakura to reassess herself and wonder whether she’s been making Naruto feel this terrible all the time, too:

From that point on, it’s a process of her putting little pieces together. She still has a MAJOR crush, and she still acts like a twelve year-old, but as we approach the end of Part I, Sakura actually has a more accurate grasp on Sasuke’s current state of mind than Naruto does. Naruto is initially excited to fight Sasuke on top of the hospital, because he feels like Sasuke’s finally acknowledging him, whereas Sakura is the one who immediately recognizes that something is wrong about this situation. She is also the one who, after this fight, is concerned that Sasuke is really unwell and might do something drastic like run off in pursuit of the power Orochimaru promised him, but when she communicates this to Naruto, he assures her that this would NEVER happen:

(Sakura isn't convinced, though, because she goes to monitor the exit out of the village anyway.)

I’m not criticizing Naruto for his response here. I ADORE hearing him say that Sasuke is too strong to need Orochimaru, with such perfect confidence - I love seeing how much respect and admiration he has for Sasuke underneath all their fighting, because that’s the whole reason he’s always baiting Sasuke and yelling at him and claiming “you're not so great!” He looks up to Sasuke; he wants to be like Sasuke; he thinks Sasuke is awesome! (It’s that Obito @ Kakashi behavior, you know?) But the fact remains that he is clueless about what’s actually going on with Sasuke in Part 1, and he remains clueless(ly optimistic) for a long time.

(Eg, when he catches up to Sasuke during the retrieval arc and Sasuke climbs out of that cursed seal coffin, Naruto waves at him and calls "Come on, let's go!" as if Sasuke has been successfully rescued and is now going to come running home. Even in Part II, when Naruto hears that Sasuke killed Orochimaru, he beams and immediately says, “So he must be on his way back to the Leaf Village!” And everyone else in the room is like, “....,” because they know better. Naruto doesn’t yet fully understand [or doesn't want to accept] the extent to which Sasuke has willingly chosen this path, and it’s not until after Jiraiya’s death/the Pain attack/the Five Kage Summit that Naruto really starts to understand Sasuke more clearly, which is something he himself admits.)

Sakura, in Part 1, has access to more information about Sasuke - she’s there for his first dissociative monologue during the bells test, she’s there for the curse mark’s placement, she’s there for his first violent transformation in the Forest of Death - she is, in fact, the unwitting catalyst for it (“Sakura…who did this to you?”), and her compassion is the reason Sasuke is later able to overcome the curse mark’s influence - so she has a more accurate/complete picture of “how he’s doing,” for lack of a better phrase, whereas Naruto, who doesn’t know about the curse mark in the first place, is still in the dark. This means that Sakura is able to accurately discern that Sasuke is struggling more than Naruto realizes, and specifically to predict that he’s going to run away.

(This dynamic is then interestingly flipped in the back half of Part II, since at any point after the Five Kage Summit, Sakura doesn’t have access to extremely relevant [if currently questionable and unproven] details that would in any other circumstance inform her behavior).

Of course, just because she has more info in Part 1 doesn’t mean she has some kind of miraculous insight into Sasuke’s every thought and feeling. There are parts of her attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village that are as clueless as any of Naruto’s assumptions, and they showcase the kind of magical thinking common to childhood - like when she says that if he stayed with her, she could give him happiness, she’d do anything for him, even help him get his revenge - this idea that she herself can do something to make him feel better, that she can love him powerfully enough to defeat his pain - obviously none of that is rooted in realism.

Is this part of her approach irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered? Of course it is! But it’s no more irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered than Naruto’s stated plan to drag Sasuke back to the village even if he has to “break every bone in [his] body!”

Hating on Sakura for her Part 1 attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village while simultaneously lauding Naruto for his feels like a bad faith misread of what is, to me, pretty clear narrative intention. The story doesn’t at any point intend for us to see her begging him to stay as a selfish or conniving attempt to get something she wants. She’s begging him to stay for the same underlying reason that Naruto is: she cares about him. She thinks he’s making a mistake that will only cause him more pain in the end (she’s right) and she wants to make it so he feels less pain right now (she can’t. But she doesn’t understand that/isn’t able to admit that, and she’s willing to try ANYTHING that might help).

It’s critical that this farewell scene is set in front of that same bench from their first important confrontation - she references that day and how angry he got at her, and this time she tells him that she understands his reaction. She’s learned things and she recognizes how insensitive she was being back then (“I know what happened to your clan, Sasuke”), even though she still can’t fully grasp all the complexities of the situation. She tells him that him blowing up at her back then helped her understand what loneliness actually meant (as opposed to her previous shallow understanding of it), and she challenges him about his choice right now: "So that's it, you're choosing the lonely path?" And when she tells him that she'll be very lonely if he leaves, we're immediately shown a panel of Sasuke thinking of both his friends, with the very clear implication that if he goes through with this, he will be lonely without them, too - that he's still struggling with the idea of leaving them, no matter how hard he tries to pretend:

Sakura at this point knows that Sasuke isn’t interested in her the way she is in him, but she still wants to give him happiness, however fantastical and immature her ideas sound to us (and, I’m sure, to him). “I’ll do anything, even help you get your revenge/we'll have fun every day, and...and you'll be happy! I'll make sure of it!” - of course, it’s completely childish. It’s irrational. It’s ridiculous to think that any of this would ever be effective, but no more ridiculous than Naruto’s belief that he can simply break every bone in Sasuke’s body and keep him in the Leaf by force.

Both Naruto and Sakura are children who have a deeply oversimplified understanding of Sasuke’s situation. They both still think they can fix him themselves. They both think they can save him themselves. They both think they can convince (or force) him to do what they want, what they think is in his best interests. Both of them don’t yet understand that he has to want to come back, if it’s ever going to mean anything. Their attempts to keep him in the village are immature and unrealistic, yes. What they aren’t, however, is selfish, because neither Sakura nor Naruto are doing any of this with the intention of advancing their own interests. They’re only thinking about Sasuke - how to keep Sasuke safe, how to make Sasuke happy - even when neither of them are taking an approach that will actually work.

Naruto and Sakura are children. They’re afraid of losing somebody they care about. Their attempts to prevent that from happening are desperate and messy and ultimately ineffective, but they are also genuinely felt and rooted in a true desire to rescue Sasuke from his pain, which - and this is the single most important thing that should impact our viewing of Part 1 - is something that Sasuke RECOGNIZES. He doesn’t spend that agonizingly long moment bowed over Naruto’s defeated body so we can pretend he doesn’t understand that Naruto was just trying to help him. He doesn’t take the time to murmur, “Sakura…thank you,” before laying her out carefully on a bench, just so we can discount it and pretend that he doesn’t recognize and appreciate her genuine intention to make things better for him, however clumsy that attempt might have been.

2. the greater good

If Stage 1 Sakura is "the girl with the crush," then Stage 2 Sakura is a progression to “the girl who decides to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to protect innocent people, including (but certainly not limited to) Naruto.” She’s driven to this decision by interactions with Shikamaru, who all too recently had to grow up fast himself (“We're not kids anymore...we can't allow a war to break out between the Hidden Leaf and the Hidden Cloud because of Sasuke") and Sai, who risks his new friendship with Sakura and Team 7 in order to speak some hard truths and deliver one of my favorite lines in the whole story: “I don’t know what promise Naruto made to you, but it’s really no different than what was done to me. It’s like a curse mark.”

(INCREDIBLE. How can anybody be complaining about a season where Sai gets to say something that goes THIS HARD and Sakura LISTENS and takes DRAMATIC ACTION that actually propels the story forward in a meaningful way - )

[Okay, yeah, brief personal opinion interlude - it is just bonkers wild to me that there are people who complain about Sakura in the Five Kage Summit arc. That entire season is the greatest character arc she ever has. Literally she has never been more interesting and dynamic than in Season 10; it’s the first time she ever gets to be as deep and fascinating as the boys; what is everybody so worked up about? Oh, “she lied to Naruto that one time” - Sasuke joined infant-kidnapping baby-murdering human experimentation machine Orochimaru when he was twelve years old in order to (dare I say it????) selfishly pursue his personal goals and yet, somehow, we are still able to root for him. He abandoned his friends/allies to imprisonment and death (Suigetsu and Jūgo) or outright stabbed them in the chest himself (Karin) in order to (SELFISHLY) get what he wanted, and yet, somehow, we are still able to love him, understand him, and be on his side. Naruto is canonically not upset with Sakura about her lie after receiving context for the situation and I think we can probably take our cues from him without feeling the need to bring her up on war crimes; please calm down]

[Sorry, I just really love most of Season 10 and think it’s one of the best examples of how good this story can be when every single character gets to do something that matters (as opposed to things being all Naruto, all the time) so I get a little bit worked up over people complaining about some of the best writing Sakura ever gets. I don’t understand what certain elements of fandom want from her. People complain about her being “useless” and not doing anything that contributes to the story, but then they complain just as much when she does finally get to act decisively and have just as complex/dynamic an inner world as the boys. She’s “weak” for being unreasonably in love with Sasuke, but when she tries to be “strong” and put her love for him aside and eliminate him in order to protect Naruto and the rest of the world, she’s evil, because she should have been more understanding of his situation (despite the fact that she doesn’t KNOW anything about his situation). But then when she can’t go through with killing him after all because she cares about him too much despite the things he’s done, she’s not "compassionate" or "kind" or "a good friend," she’s “weak” again. Nothing Sakura does in S10 is more wrongheaded or rash than any of the batshit, buckwild things Naruto and Sasuke have done in the past (and will continue to do in the future), but when Naruto and Sasuke have big feelings or take bold action, it makes them interesting characters, whereas Sakura can’t breathe in anyone’s direction without being minutely scrutinized for moral impurities.]

Anyway. Back to a more measured response.

Every single piece of development Sakura has with regard to Sasuke in this season satisfies me so much. Her initial shock and disbelief at hearing that Sasuke had joined the Akatsuki? Good, appropriate. The fact that she starts to acknowledge the reality of what Sasuke’s done sooner than Naruto does? Also extremely appropriate, very in-character for both of them. Her taking Sai’s words to heart and deciding that the promise she asked Naruto to make when they were children is causing him to suffer and she has to relieve him of that burden? Juicy! AND thematically significant (promises!!!! the burden that a promise places on a person, especially when it can't be kept - we've seen that before in this story and we'll see it again). Her anguished pivot from wanting to protect Sasuke to realizing that she has a responsibility to protect the countless innocents who will die because of the war he’s trying to start? HELLO THIS IS INCREDIBLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Her knocking out the classmates who agreed to help her so they don’t have to share in her burden (and so the only person Naruto will hate when it’s over is her)? BRUH. Her being so committed and focused on her goal of saving innocents and protecting Naruto (not just from being harmed by Sasuke/the Akatsuki, but by the possibility that Naruto will someday have to hurt Sasuke himself) that she tries to take everything on by herself and walks into a confrontation that she absolutely cannot win?? INCREDIBLE. (Literally the first time I watched this, I said, “Finally!!! It’s Sakura’s turn to go off the rails!” I laughed with my sister about how Kakashi isn’t even mad, because Naruto and Sasuke have been pulling stunts like this for years and Sakura was way overdue for her own meltdown.) And then, after Kakashi intervenes in the fight - Sakura barreling back into the battle when she realizes he’s going to take on the burden of killing Sasuke himself in order to spare her and Naruto the horror - “I can’t let Kakashi-sensei bear this burden!” I love her for that.

And then, of course, in the end - her not being able to do hurt Sasuke after all. Despite committing herself to the act, despite forcing herself to put her feelings for him aside, despite resolving to stop him from starting a war and killing innocent people, she can’t harm him. She cares about him too much. This, too, is thematically significant - think about Itachi’s “you don’t have enough hatred” - she doesn’t have enough hatred to kill someone she cares about, even if it seems like he deserves it, even if would be the right thing to do to protect others. She can’t do it, and Sasuke almost kills her for her compassion.

I love the dynamic this sets up between her and Sasuke, for a few reasons:

1) Personally, I think Sasuke respects Sakura much more for trying to kill him than he would have if she’d just tried to talk him out of his behavior or beg him to come home (a la their original confrontation in Part 1). This is the first significant interaction he’s had with Sakura in years, and the fact that she does something SO contrary to his memory of her is an important demonstration of the fact that she’s not the same girl she used to be. Sasuke spends a lot of time after his defection declaring to his old team “I’ve changed; I’m not that person anymore,” but this is one of the moments where he’s forced to acknowledge that his teammates have changed, too. Time didn’t just stop for them when he left. While he was turning into someone new, so were they. They grew up without him, and his old memories of them can’t encompass the whole picture of who they are now.

(This is a little tangential, but in general, I love the spectrum of reactions that Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi have in this sequence, and the way that all of them are ultimately messages Sasuke needs to hear. Sasuke - who we know textually regrets what he did here, who apologizes to Sakura for it later - for “everything,” in fact - needs Naruto’s aggressively optimistic open-arms policy, yes, needs that potential, that unconditional possibility of return. He also needs Sakura’s refusal to let him hurt her friends and start a war that will kill thousands of people, needs her surprisingly ruthless attempt to take him down; needs just as much her failure to do so, because it shows him that she still loves him too much to kill him even as she condemns him. And he needs Kakashi’s grim line in the sand, needs someone who very possibly won't hesitate like Sakura (despite the horrifying personal cost), someone who will try to reach him but also won't let him escape and become the next generation’s Orochimaru, who won't let him cause untold suffering to untold numbers of people just because a teacher loved him too much to stop him when he had the chance.

(And then even Kakashi chooses not to deliver a killing blow when he has the opportunity -)

(I know that in fandom people are more likely to be all, “oh, Naruto Good, everybody else Bad,” but I don’t think the narrative frames Sakura or Kakashi as “worse” than Naruto in any way. The story goes out of its way to make it clear how desperately they don’t want to hurt Sasuke and how much they care about him. And [this is just my interpretation, so obviously I won’t claim it as fact], I personally think that Sasuke - Sasuke, who, looking back, can see how lost he was then and how tortured he would have been if he’d gone through with many of his plans - would be grateful to Sakura and Kakashi for making an attempt to stop him when he couldn’t stop himself.)

2) On the other side of this, the fact that Sakura wasn’t able to deliver the killing blow means a lot. Sasuke was incapacitated under that bridge; he was completely at her mercy - but she stopped with the kunai an inch from his back. She couldn’t kill him, even though she knew that he was completely willing to kill her (because he'd attempted to Chidori-assassinate her from behind just a few minutes ago). That’s huge! Sasuke is too out of his head right now to process this or understand it, but later, it's going to matter. She stayed her hand. She spared his life. She loved him too much to hurt him, even when he’d given her every reason to take him down. She hesitated, and he almost killed her for it, but her inability to strike him ultimately gave him yet another chance to come home, another chance to get better, another chance to have a life outside of his pain. Despite everything, some part of her still hadn’t really given up on him, and that knowledge will matter later, when he’s finally able to acknowledge it.

The point of all this is to say that I really have no complaints about Sakura and Sasuke’s dynamic in their S10 confrontation. This season is the point where Sakura fully grows past her “girl with a crush” stage and into her “shinobi must make very harsh decisions” adulthood, but it never means that she doesn’t care about the person she’s trying to take down. Her ultimate inability to deliver the killing blow remains a dangling lifeline for her relationship with Sasuke, an open door that Sasuke is able to walk through at the end of the story (literally, in fact, when Sakura opens that portal for him and saves him from Kaguya’s desert prison, and figuratively, too, when Sasuke apologizes to her).

3. she only wants to save you

The last stage in their relationship is what Sakura settles into during the war arc. She started off Part 1 being just a girl with a crush, then tried to harden her heart and put her feelings for Sasuke aside in service of the greater good, but she was unable to actually follow through and kill him, and because of that, what she’s come to accept by the war arc is actually two things: that 1) Sasuke truly is willing to let her die if it furthers his goals, and 2) she wants to save him anyway.

She has no intention of pursuing Sasuke romantically. She knows full well that Sasuke isn’t interested in her. She even knows that Sasuke isn’t really on their side (there’s a great scene where Sai questions Sakura about Sasuke’s return, and she reassures him that everything is fine, and Sai sadly thinks to himself “even I can tell your smile is fake”). She’s well-aware that Sasuke didn’t try to help her when Madara stabbed her. She’s well-aware that he left her to die in the lava pit. She’s also well-aware that none of this is enough to make her stop loving him. He doesn’t have to care about her - she still cares about him. She still wants to help him. She still wants to save him.

This is not hidden, hard-to-parse character development. It’s explicitly articulated on the page:

Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers! She only wants to save you.

I’m not sure if people look at this last confrontation and unquestioningly take Sasuke at his word (as if we haven’t just read 71 volumes/watched 700 episodes showing us how how painfully distorted his thinking is), or if they stop reading/watching before the end of the scene, or if they don’t understand that Sasuke saying something doesn’t make that statement an accurate representation of reality. The entire point of this scene is to show us how deeply mistaken Sasuke is about Sakura (and, by extension, the rest of Team 7). He’s locked into a false pattern of thinking. His single-minded focus on revenge and destruction has blinded him to the unconditional love his friends feel for him; he’s become so accustomed to using others and being used that he can’t understand or accept that someone would care about him without needing a reason, without needing him to love them back, without needing to receive something from him in exchange.

Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers! She only wants to save you.

Sasuke matters to Sakura as more than a love interest. He always has. She does love him romantically, yes, but she doesn’t only love him romantically, and her desire to help him is not and has never been contingent on him returning her feelings, romantically or otherwise. Sasuke isn’t able to acknowledge that in this scene, but that doesn’t mean we’re supposed to just sit back and agree with his warped perspective. Kakashi is the one who’s explicitly positioned as the voice of the narrative here. We, as the audience, are supposed to recognize that Kakashi is the one telling us the truth.

[tangential thing 1: You don’t have to love Sakura's last plea to Sasuke here. It’s not my favorite, either - the best part, other than Kakashi’s speech at the end, is the moment after Kakashi collapses when Sakura’s expression changes from pained uncertainty to pure rage, when she grits her teeth together - when I first saw that, I almost leapt out of my seat like “Oh my god. She’s finally going to let him have it. It’s finally happening - ” I wanted that so badly, and I still think it would have been a more effective writing choice for Sakura’s last words to lean more into her anger at the suffering Sasuke is causing all of them (himself included!) and less into yet another of Kishimoto’s “let me have Sakura articulate what a shame it is that she can’t do as much as Naruto despite the fact that I literally just went through a major reveal sequence in the war to show that she’s caught up to the boys; I can’t make up my mind about whether I want her to progress or not” - it’s extremely frustrating (and it's something he does at the very end of the S10 Team 7 reunion, too, which is the ONLY moment of S10 that falls flat for me). But at the same time, even if there are ways this sequence could be more satisfying, it doesn’t change the fact that her plea to him is not remotely motivated by a desire to be with him romantically and not anything to condemn her for.]

[tangential thing 2: I do like how she remembers that moment when Sasuke says “Thank you.” That panel precedes her saying “If there’s even a tiny corner of your heart that thinks about me…” (which I’m sure is one of the things that people like to criticize about this scene, aka “oh she’s sooooo self-centered” etc), but that particular line of dialogue is preceded by that particular flashback panel for a reason: Sakura knows that Sasuke DOES think about her. He thinks about all of them. Sakura remembers that “thank you,” and it reminds her that despite everything Sasuke has done and said since, despite all evidence to the contrary, she knows in her bones that his expression of gratitude back then was genuine. He cared about her once. He cared about all of them. She’s trying to reach the part of him that still does, if it exists.]

[tangential thing 3: The fact that Kakashi says “she suffers from loving you,” and it triggers Sasuke to remember his own family - thinking about how much he suffered (and still suffers) from loving them - “Perhaps…those are the ties to a failed past” - the idea that it’s not worth it to have bonds if it means you suffer this much…that it’s too difficult, it’s too painful, and if Sakura and the rest of Team 7 were smarter they would just give it up (all Sasuke knows how to do now is sever potential bonds before they can hurt him; so why aren’t Sakura and the rest of his teammates doing that, why can’t they let it go, why are they making this so hard - ) << yeah, he clearly doesn't care about her/them at all.]

4. the shadow of my family

This has all been a really long way to answer the original question, but the short response to “What do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura?” is “I really care about it,” just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Naruto, just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Kakashi. And I don’t think the story ever asks me to choose between them.

I’m not sure whether it’s the impact of Boruto-era “canon” that gets in the way of other people approaching things this way (I don’t consider sequel material when I evaluate the original story), or if it’s Kishimoto’s frequent disinterest in/disrespect towards female characters, which yes, does sometimes make it harder, or if it's a shipping thing (bane of my existence), or some combination of factors, but for me, taking one member of Team 7 out of the equation hobbles the rest of the story. I can’t read/watch Naruto while hating one of the protagonists and loving the other three. It doesn’t work like that for me. The story wasn’t written that way, and there’s nothing in the text that would cause me to receive it that way.

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with disliking one of the main foursome (or any character, for that matter) - obviously we're all going to have different preferences, and everyone is free to enjoy or reject whatever parts of a story they want, or to like or dislike whatever characters they want. I know that some people have more fun disregarding canon and doing their own thing, which is fine. My own personal zone of enjoyment comes from receiving the story as closely to how I think it was intended to be read as I can, and personally, when I look at this particular story, what I see is that all the members of Team 7 clearly demonstrate their love for Sasuke in ways that he himself later recognizes and acknowledges. All of them are driven by their desire to save him and their unwillingness to hurt him. All of them make repeated choices to chase after him when he runs away, to trust him when he hasn't exactly earned it, to give him another chance when he doesn't appear to deserve it. ALL of them, not just Naruto, do these things multiple times throughout the story, and Sasuke owes his life (and thus his eventual recovery) to ALL of them, many times over. Kakashi disobeys Hokage-elect Danzō and breaks the law to negotiate for Sasuke's life with a foreign head of state. Sakura and Kakashi both have opportunities to kill Sasuke in the Land of Iron, and they choose to spare him instead. Kakashi stops Sasuke from killing his only friends at two different points in the story, which would have been a mistake Sasuke couldn't have recovered from. Sasuke would have died in Kaguya's desert dimension if Sakura hadn't saved him (Sakura, who knew that Sasuke wasn't even truly on her side yet, who knew he'd abandoned her for dead multiple times already that day). Kaguya's bone bullet would have killed Sasuke too, if Kakashi, with his intention to die in Sasuke's place, hadn't leapt in front of it (Kakashi, who also knew that Sasuke wasn't fully on their side yet, who also knew that Sasuke had abandoned him for dead earlier that day). Sasuke and Naruto would have BOTH died in the Final Valley if Sakura and a severely injured Kakashi hadn't chased after them to heal their injuries.

Remove any one member of Team 7, and Sasuke never makes it home. Without the combined efforts of all three of his teammates, he doesn't survive. That’s the way it should be, thematically, for a story whose first and most foundational premise was the importance of teamwork, and since Sakura was just as essential to that framework as everyone else, I’m just as invested in her relationship with Sasuke as I am in his relationship with everyone else. You can’t remove one leg from a four-legged stool without damaging the integrity of the entire structure, and for me, discounting any single member of Team 7 irreparably damages the integrity of the entire story.

TL;DR: I love all of the Team 7 relationships, including Sakura and Sasuke's, because despite what some segments of fandom seem to believe, the text of the story never gives me any reason not to.

#naruto #meta #replies #anyway that's that! hopefully that is a helpful answer #thank you for the question! i honestly don't think i would have ever gotten around to writing about this if i hadn't been directly asked #i love talking about the stories i enjoy (obviously; we all do; that's why we're here)#but i'm usually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about responding to takes that blatantly misread the narrative to justify hating a particular character or ship #mostly because a) it's whatever. as long as people mind their own business and leave me to enjoy myself they can do what they want #and b) some opinions are so divorced from the actual text that they're not worth discussing #like. what's the point of responding to random internet posts saying that sakura was selfishly pursuing sasuke as a lover the entire time #when that is textually and provably not the case?#if you're that committed to experiencing things in direct contradiction to what the narrative is asking of us then just go ahead #is it mildly annoying to me? sure. but so are lots of things and it's better to just let stuff go #like - i initially planned to take this piece of meta all the way up through sakura and sasuke's last scene together #the one where he tells her 'maybe next time' and finally reclaims and redefines itachi's forehead tap (INCREDIBLE. THIS SCENE.)#but ultimately i changed my mind because everything i wrote for that last section was coming out too harsh #i generally prefer to talk about fandom stuff in a chill/friendly approachable way #but i kept thinking about the most obscenely & disrespectfully inaccurate read of that scene i'd ever seen #and i couldn't figure out how to talk about it in a non-scathing way #that scene and the one where naruto gives sasuke's headband back are the ONLY well-written things about the finale of naruto #they are SO perfectly constructed and i can't respond to people slandering either one without feeling an urge to kill #so i just deleted it. partially because again - this is fandom; it's not that serious; people can do what they want #but also because i know i get extra frustrated about people picking over the text and plucking out isolated bits and pieces #to contort into blatantly misinterpreted mutant shapes that 'confirm' whatever pre-existing judgments or ships they had #instead of experiencing the story as a cohesive whole & keeping in mind the greater context of what it's always been trying to communicate #people on this website say 'we all interpret things differently :)' as if it means no one can ever be wrong about what a text is saying #newsflash: not all interpretations of a text are valid. things can't in fact mean whatever you want them to mean.#the ***story*** persists and exists even if the author is dead to you #if you choose to ignore that then that's fine; it's just fandom; who cares. but i'm not going to pretend you're 'analyzing' anything.#(ok now i'm really done. you can see why i deleted this section XD)

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airenyah · 1 year

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How BAD BUDDY SERIES | EP.11 [4/4] Tricked the Fandom

Those who were there watching Bad Buddy live will remember the chaos that ensued after episode 11 (my beloved) and with it the episode 12 preview (derogatory) dropped. Watching a happy and hopeful episode, ending in a lovely montage with an even lovelier song, being told things such as "we became two people who can’t be just friends" or "I want you to know that this world can’t change someone like me either", only to be punched in the gut by "Pat and I broke up" in the very next moment. Those of you who were there will remember how – after the fandom had finally picked up its shattered pieces – there was a scramble to figure out what the hell was happening exactly, how the hell we even got to this point.

And you will also remember the fandom deciding on a specific scene being The Breakup Scene. But how can that be? How can a breakup scene even exist when we know (in retrospective) that they never actually broke up? Did the fandom just collectively hallucinate a scene that wasn't there?

Well, no. Of course not. I think the reason why it worked, the reason why this scene managed to trick the fandom into believing that this was actually the breakup talk was because for one terrifying moment Pran himself thinks it's a breakup talk. However, the fandom was so blinded by the ep 12 preview that it completely missed one key factor from that scene which Pran did realize: it's not in fact a breakup, but the exact opposite of it.

So let's get into it, let's take a closer look at Bad Buddy Ep. 11 [4/4] (01:58 - 05:15) and Pran's emotional rollercoaster during this specific scene:

The scene starts out with Pat sitting on the bench, lost in thought. His exact thought process here is for the viewer to decide, but whatever he is reflecting on has to do with him finally accepting the inevitability of having to back home. And considering his upcoming monologue, he's probably also thinking about his love for Pran and Pran's love for him.

His thinking gets interrupted when Pran walks into the scene, dangling the shirts into Pat's face. They have an interaction about the shirts, Pat puts one on while Pran can't keep his hands off of him, they exchange some words and Pran doesn't really notice Pat's pensive mood, when suddenly –

Pat grabs Pran's hand. Pran was not expecting that, and he looks up at Pat in surprise, asking a silent What is it, what's going on? And I think it's only here that Pran really notices the weird mood Pat is in.

Pat says "thank you" and although Pran looks concerned about Pat's sudden mood change, Pat's words also make Pran smile, though he's still very confused, having absolutely no context for Pat's emotional state and thus having no idea where this is suddenly coming from. "Thank you for what?" Pran asks, still with that searching look in his eyes that asks What's gotten into you all of a sudden? Is everything alright?

Pat replies "For trying to make a silly guy like me happy". And Pran's smile falls just a little bit as he realizes that this? really isn't just Pat being his usual sappy self, this right here is a Serious™ conversation indeed:

Finally, Pran too has arrived in serious mode completely. He now shifts his attention fully to Pat, listening intently to Pat's words, staying focused on Pat the entire time.

Pat says "I know that sooner or later we will need to go back." This gets a very subtle smile out of Pran (you can see how the corner of his mouth on the right side of the screen goes up just a tiniest bit):

Pran reacts to those words, because this has been their conflict throughout the entire episode so far: Pran being realistic, having accepted from the start that they would have to return at some point while Pat was so desperately trying to stay in that pretense that they could just make a new life somewhere else and not turn back, refusing to acknowledge that in the long run this just wouldn't work out. But now Pat is finally acknowledging this, letting Pran know that he understands and that they're on the same page about this. "I know too well",* Pat says and Pran looks like he's about to cry from adoration for Pat pls he's so in love takes that acknowledgement in, still with a hint of a smile on his face.

*(Side note: I seem to hear ทำไมกูจะไม่รู้ว่ะ (tammai-goo-jà-mâi-róo-wâ) and I think the more literal translation of this sentence would actually be something like "Why wouldn't I know?". Though I'd have to ask a Thai native to confirm as I don't trust my own Thai skills yet. Anyway, I just thought the rhetorical question was interesting in regard to Pran reacting to Pat's statement, bc the rhetorical question addresses Pran more directly compared to the declarative sentence from the subtitles. His reaction is kind of like a reply to that rhetorical question.)

But that hint of a smile is wiped right off Pran's face when Pat continues with "But I just want to stay as long as we can."

And this the moment where the thought hits Pran for the first time that Pat's speech might actually lead to a breakup. He is confused (why would they need to break up over this?) and there is now fear and worry in his eyes. He looks a little scared, his mouth twitches a little, accompanied by the tiniest headshake and there are many questions written all over his face: What are you talking about?? Where is this going?? No, it can't be... Are you implying what I think you're implying?? I don't follow...

And Pat just keeps going: "Be with you for at least one more day."

One more day. That very much does sound like a breakup, doesn't it? Especially if you're already half expecting one. This line confirms Pran's fear of Pat actually being in the process of ending their relationship, leaving Pran on the verge of tears.

But Pran is a fighter and he's not giving in that easily. He sniffs away his rising tears and says "What are you talking about? Get dressed. The bar is opening soon."

What are you saying? We're not breaking up. We're staying here, we'll work at the bar and we'll be together. It'll be fine, don't worry.

Now it's Pran's turn to deflect. To indulge in that fantasy of being able to just run away together into the sunset where everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Because Pran would much rather face the hardships that they might run into if they actually stayed at the beach together than go back home to live a life without Pat. I can be anywhere as long as I have you.

If this is Pat letting him go, Pran really doesn't want to hear it:

Unfortunately, the scene cuts to Pat really quickly, but I just need you all to appreciate Pran's pouty puppy eyes at the end there, because they're the saddest thing I've ever seen:

I won't let you do this, his eyes say. Please don't do this to me, his eyes say. Please tell me you're not really doing this, his eyes say, tell me you're coming to work at Uncle Yod's bar with me. We're staying here, together, you hear me?

Except then Pat surprises Pran yet again. And here comes the part that the fandom completely overlooked in the light of the ep 12 preview:

Because then Pat says "Nobody works on their honeymoon."

And it's absolutely hilarious how Pran's brain immediately gets stuck in "error 404 not found" mode. You can literally see the loading circle going round and round in his brain as he tries to comprehend what Pat has just said:

Honeymoon?? Why are you suddenly talking about something that's related to weddings? Weren't we breaking up a second ago? What in the world is going on?

"You never leave me. You fight alongside me. That makes me feel very happy." Pat says and that's when Pran realizes. This conversation was never about a breakup. This is a conversation about commitment. It's an acknowledgment of Pran's love for Pat and the commitment he's shown over the course of their relationship. And it's a promise that Pat appreciates it, has appreciated it in the past and will appreciate it in the future. Pat has more or less just said his wedding vows to Pran.

And that's when Pran can no longer hold back his tears. Partly due to the relief that he won't lose Pat and partly because he's so moved by Pat's speech, by Pat's love.

And then Pat tells Pran that he's finally ready to go home: "I will let Uncle Yod know that we quit. Wait for me here."

And with that Pat brings closure to the conflict of this episode. They are finally going back home, they are finally going to face their parents. But in this scene right here Pat and Pran made it clear to each other that they'll be doing so with full commitment to one other – they will be doing so together, and that's a promise. They really did just essentially get married on their little beach getaway. They got more or less engaged on the staircase in ep 10 and now in ep 11 they are following up on that engagement. This trip really was their little honeymoon. And this calls for a celebration:

"It’s our last night on this honeymoon. I will not just stay in and be lonely. If we aren’t going to work, then let’s get drunk."

You see, for an entire week the fandom was so blinded by the ep 12 preview (derogatory) and the prospect of a looming breakup that unlike Pran it completely missed the part where Pat points out that they're on a honeymoon. And who goes on a honeymoon? People who just got married.

BONUS:

Can we just appreciate Pran's face when Pat says he'll tell Uncle Yod about quitting:

You fucker really had me thinking we were breaking up for a hot moment there when the whole time this was actually a wedding. I was worried and scared for notHING, can you believe this man

#bad buddy #bbs #patpran #bbs meta #bbs ep11 #my meta #bbsmetamine #adrm #whewwww i finally finished this #this has been sitting in my drafts for months maybe even close to a year idk #i had actually written most of it already i was mainly missing an introduction and i still needed to make all the gifs #(the gifs were mostly the reason for my procrastination on this lmao)#anyway i was rewatching ep 11 on saturday for the one year anniversary and i had a loooooot of feelings about this again #which finally pushed me to finish this post and publish it #so here you go... enjoy :)#not me posting new bbs meta a whole year after the show ended #aaanyway this is beautiful acting on nanon's part #(both of them actually but if you've been following my posts recently where i talk about acting you'll know that #i've been going on and on about ohm and so #this time around this is a shoutout specifically for nanon)#he tells an entire story in this scene despite the fact that he has next to no lines #ohm's got his entire monologue and all the while we can see EXACTLY what is going on in pran's head #it's truly nice acting everyone say thank you nanon

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theminecraftbee · 2 years

Text

Joe had tried to write a will once.

Well, more accurately, he’d tried to make Cleo write one. After all, she had appropriate custody over an entire ship full of ghost sailors that season! If she’d inconveniently died, it would have been irresponsible to leave her armor stands to figure out what to do with the disaster that had resulted. Simply irresponsible, not to have a will.

Cleo had laughed at him. “Joe, I’m already dead. I’m not sure zombies can legally have wills.”

He’d huffed back. “Zombies can be responsible with what to do after they depart this plane the same as everyone else. Or, the second time they depart? You may have a point on the legality of the matter...”

He’d ended up half writing one too. To be honest, even as they both updated it season-to-season, Joe rarely had much he wasn’t willing to leave behind or loose. Oh, sure, he was terrible at letting go. One of the last through to the next world at the end of most seasons, in fact, too many projects still in the works, too many irons still in the fire. But not being willing to let go and not being willing to lose - those are two different things, now aren’t they? So, honestly, not much in his will. Normally, just who would take custody of any pets he’d picked up. (It was Cleo, and then normally either Xisuma or Scar if she couldn’t, depending on the pet and the year.)

He’d written it in rhyme this season, he thinks, standing alone in front of the spawn egg. Well, as fitting as everything else - no one will be around to execute it.

...and no one will have to. After all, Cleo had, after much cajoling, written hers in rhyme too, and he’s the executor. So, clearly, he can’t die, because that would put Cleo in real trouble if she managed to die a second time. Which she wouldn’t! Because she had a plan!

Maybe, he thinks, Cleo had a point, back then. Joe conquers death, and Cleo’s already died once.

What -

- he stares at the moon so long it burns his eyes, and then he takes flight again, ignoring the growing horrendous heat in his chest -

- what do they need wills for, anyway?

(Nothing at all.)

#yeah i don't know if i like this drafting it for now.#<- going through my drafts and apparently there’s just this WHOLE FICLET SITTING HERE?#with this as the only tag #and what the fuck this is actually good why didn’t I post it?#a bee fic #for the record this would have been written probably at most like two weeks after s8 finale #judging by other drafts #hermitcraft #joe hills #zombiecleo #moon’s big #<- been a while since I used that one #anyway since I am feeling an unknowable anxiety and can’t sleep there’s at least one other ficlet in here worth finishing/rescuing #so you may get another Old Thing Second Wrote

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grimgummies · 6 months

Text

...

#Grim draws stuff #Grim's characters #spooky month #spooky month oc #fan character #OC: Mortis Grimm #ohhh Mortis lore finally #only took me 9 months since his creation and a good 50 rewrites to get to this PFF #can't believe my boy already has 100 images on toyhouse too??#I don't have a fave OC istg #anyways #lore crumbs :3 #I changed some stuff from his backstory like 90% of anything I've written/drawn about him in the past is outdated #those were warmups guys I swear #I swear I wasn't super committed to an old idea that highkey sucked pff #but hey #I improved I learned #now I think I got a solid story #more coming in the future hopefully #I won't be doin things in order it's either lore bits or I'm committing to whole comics maybe but never in chronological order #maybe even stories too (like actual written stories)#you gotta guess what goes where /hj #also I better be stickin to this story now cuz those rewrites weren't for nothin #I love that he started as a silly guy that hunted ghosts now he's a fully fleshed out character and he's an exorcist instead #I originally intended on him being just a silly character with no super deep story but here we are :3 #I think this all started when I decided to make him lose an eye #from that point on I was like 'okay but how did he lose it?'#and then the illness began /silly

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angel-bubbles · 1 year

Text

the hat rule

this has been a doozy and will definitely have multiple parts because i can't shut up about these fools but i needed to get this out into the world >:3 more coming i promise

read on ao3!!

David, Angel, Sam, and Darlin' are going out, sweet little moments ensue :)

Part One - David & Angel

------

“It’ll be fun!” Angel’s voice echoed around the two of them as they dragged the end of the word out. David looked down at them skeptically which only caused their scheming smile to grow.

“I think our definitions of fun are different.”

Angel was leaning haphazardly against the wall of their bedroom pulling their beat up old cowboy boots on while David watched from the door. He hadn’t ever seen them in this outfit, to be honest he didn’t even know they owned boots like that. To his credit, Angel kept them in the back of the closet safely tucked away in a box so they wouldn’t get lost or tossed.

Once they got their jeans situated they popped up and walked over to the mirror, not missing the way David’s eyes followed them carefully.

They nodded in approval at the sight of their outfit before spinning on their now heeled foot to get a proper look at him. When they saw that he hadn’t moved even a little bit from his post in the doorway they threw their head back and groaned, giving him the best puppy dog eyes they could muster.

“Come on, I already told Sam you were coming!”

“Oh I know, you haven’t stopped talking about it all week.” Angel sighed and finally made their way towards him. His shoulders were stiff and his eyebrows furrowed, but when his eyes met with theirs there was a certain softness in them. They took a few steps and wrapped their arms around his neck, staring up to meet his gaze.

“If you really don’t want to go, you don’t have to. I know it’s not really your thing.” They said softly. “I can always say something came up. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.” David sighed at their reassurance, letting the stiffness from his shoulders loosen as he gently placed his hands on their hips.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go I just-” He cut his sentence off with a frustrated growl and shook his head. “I don’t know any of the fancy dances or anything. I’m gonna look stupid.”

Angel smiled knowingly at the confession and leaned up on their toes, placing a reassuring kiss to his lips. His grip on their sides tightened holding their foreheads together even after their lips had separated.

“You think Tank knows the dances?” Their voice was lilted with laughter but they managed to hide it as they imagined the two wolves fumbling around on the dance floor. David’s eyebrows furrowed again and he pulled his face back from theirs so he could properly look at them.

“They’re actually coming?” The disbelief in his voice caused Angel to laugh for real this time, but they nodded their head, only causing David to blink owlishly at them, seemingly at a loss for words. “How the hell did you two manage that?”

Angel shrugged and carefully pulled themself away from him, grabbing his hand in the process and pulling him with them. He easily followed, letting his mate lead him into their shared walk-in closet. Really, if he didn’t want to follow them he could have easily stayed put, but he liked to humor them from time to time.

“Sam did all the heavy lifting on that one. Plus, I might have let it slip that you had already agreed.” David scoffed a little, dropping their hand as they started digging through his side of the closet.

“Mmm, and when exactly did I agree?” Angel turned with a hanger in their right hand and a pair of blue jeans in their left as they smiled their trademark shit-eating grin and shrugged their shoulders again.

“Right now.”

David laughed at their expression and shook his own head as he took the clothes from their outstretched hands.

“That took you all of two seconds, you snot.”

“I’ve been picturing it all week.”

Their words had him raising an eyebrow over at them only to find them rummaging through the closet again. He slowly changed,very aware of the feeling of Angel’s eyes on him as he did so.

“I know you’re watching, perv.” He said over his shoulder, only to be met with a small laugh from the depths of the closet.

“I know.” They called, only causing his smirk to widen as he pulled on the black shirt. He glanced in the mirror before finding his mate digging around through their clothes.

“Don’t people wear like, I don’t know, flannels and shit to these things?” Angel peeped their head out of the corner they were digging in and let their eyes roam their mates body. David felt his ears warm up from the look in their eyes alone but simply quirked an eyebrow at them.

Once their eyes met his own again their cheeks were also flushed, clearly forgetting he had even said anything. He laughed a little, trying to hide the butterflies he had in his own stomach as he crossed his arms across his chest. “Head out of the gutter, trouble maker.”

His words seemed to snap Angel out of their trance and they shook their head and bit their lip to hide their smile.

“Um-” They paused to clear their throat which only caused David’s smirk to grow tenfold, but Angel quickly found their confidence again, playing off the whole interaction like it was nothing.

“Sometimes, yeah. A lot of people will be wearing them and if you want to you can. But, it’s gonna get hot in there. And you already look hot in that.” They said matter-of-factly. David hummed in response, still noting the warmth in their skin but opting to not mention it as they go back to rummaging through their closet. After a few more minutes of watching them destroy their closet he grumbles under his breath, taking wide strides to stop them from their frenzy.

“What could you possibly be looking that hard for?” Angel spun and looked up at him with a frown sitting on their lips.

“I was hoping I had my old hat. I uh, let’s say I borrowed it for simplicity's sake.” They were talking animatedly with their hands, the way they did when a story would devolve into a hundred other stories at once but David couldn’t help cutting in.

“You stole it?”

“I didn’t steal it per say, but you know the hat rule. And I was in college, took it off some dude’s head and he uh. He let me keep it.” They wore a proud smile on their face and David found himself groaning out loud.

“You were gonna wear some old fling’s hat?” He said incredulously to which Angel’s smile only grew and they shook their head.

“No. I was gonna make you wear it.” Their tone was light and easy but David felt his eyebrows shoot upwards at the idea. Only to then be surrounded by their laughter as he walked away from them.

“As much as I would love that,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice, “I’ll pass.”

“Davey,” they said, dragging the end of his nickname out. They didn’t follow him in to the main portion of their bedroom though, still staring confusedly up at the looming shelves of their closet. “I swear I had it when we moved.”

The words were spoken under their breath but he found himself wracking his own brain for any memory of a hat. How had they managed to live together for over two years and he didn’t know they had an entire get up just sitting in the closet?

When Angel finally re-emerged from the closet they did so with a sigh, their body sagging in disappointment. David watched as they came and slumped down onto the bed next to him, plopping their head onto his broad shoulder.

“Is there a reason you need this mysterious hat?” He said, subtly leaning into the warmth their smaller body exuded. They did their best to shake their head given the position the two were sitting in, their frown cementing on their mouth.

“You’d just look really hot in a cowboy hat.”

Their words were spoken like it was a known fact, and not them proclaiming his level of attractiveness. The gall of it pulling a laugh that resembled a snort from him.

“Mhm. Is that so?” Angel nodded before pulling their head up, straightening their spine again.

“I had a whole vision.”

“One that included your ex’s old hat.” He deadpanned, only causing Angel to laugh in response.

“Technically not my ex,” David glared in their direction, causing their smile to grow tenfold, “but, I guess yes. In my defense I don’t see any other hats sitting around here!”

“I could ask Sam if he had an extra hat for you but… you know the rule.” Angel said and there’s a smug glint in their eyes that causes the heat to climb up David’s neck again.

“Jesus– you are a menace you know that?” But his words were met with a shit-eating grin and he shook his head in disapproval.

Finally popping up from their spot on the bed they straightened their shirt, extending their hands to David, pulling him to stand in front of them. They wordlessly placed a kiss on his cheek before leaving him standing there, watching them walk out of their room.

Emphasis on watching them leave, entranced by their retreating figure. He would have to be sure they didn't shove those pants back into whatever corner they were hiding in after tonight.

Sighing he willed himself to move, making his way to the closet. He had boots, a pair that was absolutely beat to hell and back and pulling them on confirmed that they were definitely on their last leg. His dad wore them everywhere and though David had outgrown every other thing he had left behind, the old boots still fit perfectly.

Growing up he had asked his father a million and one times why he wore boots, and his father had dodged the question a million and two times. Now David thinks he just didn’t have an answer, no real reason why he did. Hell, if someone came up to David and asked him why he wore the shoes he did he wouldn’t have an answer. Because they’re practical?

Were cowboy boots practical? Did Gabe find them practical? Even wearing them now he found it hard to believe his dad found comfort in them. Maybe it was because they weren’t his own, but they felt foreign to him, like he wasn’t meant to be wearing them at all.

He found Angel in the kitchen, perched on the counter with a half eaten apple in one hand and their phone in the other. Their feet were swinging a little as they bit into the fruit, not noticing David’s presence.

Though they must have seen his figure approaching them because they looked up just as he settled himself between their dangling legs. Their eyes practically twinkled when they looked up at him, gently placing their food and their phone down on the counter.

“Tank has an old hat you can wear.” They lifted their arms to settle on his shoulders, shamelessly looking his body up and down, reveling in how much they liked that shirt on him. He hummed in acknowledgement before tipping their chin up and quickly claiming their lips with his own.

The air was thick as his hands traveled up and down their body while theirs got lost in his hair, holding him close. The kiss lasted a lot longer than it should have, his lips trailing down the curve of their jaw and latching onto their neck both losing track of time.

“We’re gonna be late.” Angel’s words were breathless as they finally gave in and guided David’s head to be level with their own again. His hair mussed and his pupils dilated as he smirked down at them watching the way their own face flushed with heat.

“Tank’s version of ‘on time’ is 45 minutes late.” He said simply causing them to laugh and gently pushing him away from them.

“But Sam’s version is at least 15 minutes early, maybe they’ll meet in the middle.” David hummed again, helping Angel down from the counter.

“My Angel, actually worried about being on time? Are you sure you're feeling okay?” The small smile curved at his lips as Angel balanced on their toes and fixed his hair back to how he liked it. Or as best as they could. They were certain he would fix it all over again once they got in the car.

“I’m excited! I haven’t gone dancing in a long time.”

“Mhm, you’re just excited to watch me make a fool of myself.” Angel beamed up at him as they regained their balance on their feet feigning innocence.

“Well not just you. I’m excited to see Tank too.”

David watched as Angel scurried out to the car after their comment, laughing to themself. He couldn’t help but feel a smile lining his own mouth as he watched them.

“You’re such a shithead.” He muttered under his breath, quickly snagging his keys out of the bowl on the counter and following them out the door.

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redacted davey #my writing <3 #happy finals week from me #which means summer bubbles #which MEANS #more regular updates hehe #so here #i can post this in good conscience #boy oh boy the next little chapter?? are these chapters??#making me giggle #anyways i love them #also first fic with parts???#who is she #also listen i KNOW it isn't steamy but i have never in my life written anything physical and these homies literally kiss #who woulda thunk it

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