#anyway i love them so much and i cannot stop thinking about them T_T

[lordzuuko]

Dream doesn’t wait 100 years anymore to visit Hob when he could just do it every night in his dreams, or sometimes at the New Inn and every time is always a surprise to the immortal which amuses the Dream Lord immensely. I’m obsessed with them help lol  Print

#the sandman #sandman #morpheus #hob gadling #dreamling #dream x hob #morpheus x hob #hob x morpheus #dream of the endless #they are gay your majesty!!! #my art #it's been so long but i came back because i am obsessed with this show HAHAHAHA #anyway i love them so much and i cannot stop thinking about them T_T #i don't see any art? or mebbe im blind and tumblr hates me they dont show me OTL

[gacha99]

I did the Shamane event and I have to say his story is really gut wrenching T_T Even though it was super depressing, I found it be a really cool story nonetheless. I feel like Shamane's story is one about acceptance and moving on, as well as how to relearn your empathy for others after they've hurt you, or after your empathy has led you down the "wrong path".

His family situation is complicated, because he's constantly dealing with this inner turmoil and guilt over what happened because he feels like he was way too flippant about his families warnings against humans, and their need to stay away from humans all together. He feels that he is the one to blame for what happened to his family, even though it was humans that did that awful crime at the behest of Manus Vindictae.

Even when he's in that nightmare, he's looking for someone else to blame or someone else to point the finger at besides himself, which is why his mind keeps conjuring up Kumar even though he knows she wasn't even there that day.

But in actuality the only one to blame is the Manus, not Kumar or Shamane, or even Shamane's empathetic nature towards all things human or arcanist.

During the time we see him with the shaman, Shamane is trying to learn from this wizened old man who has made a place for himself in the wilderness. He respects and knows all of the rules of the place he's in, and he doesn't try to take claim over the land or food. When a sheep of his own gets captured by wolves, he stops Shamane from even helping because in his own words "No life should belong to me".

In a sense, he has learned how to adapt to the environment he's in and he respects the rules of the critters and animals in the forest, just as they respect him. To me, the old shaman that Shamane meets is a representation of the struggle that Mor Panhk faces with its Human and Arcanist community.

Unlike how Shamane learns from the shaman in the woods how to live peacefully among and with the nature around him, humans in this world cannot seem to trust or tolerate arcanists even if they "act civilly" (Hell, i'd even say Toothfairies story event was a prime example of how humans will never really respect or care for Arcanists even if their family is influential or rich) We never really learn the full extent of why those human friends of Shamane essentially betrayed him and decided to burn their tree down, but that lack of empathy towards Arcanists is what the Manus used to their advantage to have the tree burned in the first place.

I also think that the act of what the humans did and what the manus ordered them to do had such an effect on Shamane's family that it didn't allow for them to even love each other in that adversity.

The lack of empathy for others is ultimately the thing that led them to this path, not the other way around. And that's what Shamane learns from the shaman, and why he spends so much time learning how to live with the environment around him. Because he learns that everything around him is impacted by his own choices, and he has to try and walk in the shoes of a critter or a wolf to understand why they do what they do, rather than view them as monsters to be destroyed.

And even when his empathy for other creatures lands him hurt and injured once more, it doesn't matter because he still cares in the end and tries to help even a small little carbuncle. Shamane decides to offer up the empathy his family was never offered by humans, rather than let the actions of them ruin his own image of the world around him.

It's not really a story about forgiveness, but about how to heal and become a better person after you've faced a terrible action done toward you.

Anyways if I don't get him im gonna be so sad </3

#reverse: 1999 #re1999 #journey to mor pankh #shamane

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Steps Into Shadow"

Everything is all shaken up for Season Three, let's go.

So I know I said I really like it when shows change up the Status Quo but...

Some of the changes took a bit of getting used to in Season Three. I'll admit it.

(It's the hair, Ezra's hair took getting used to, I believe my exact reaction was, "Nooooooo not the cute shaggy shonen protagonist hair!" I'm okay with it now and it's hella easier to draw but it was a bit of a mourning period.)

So! Season Three begins six months after the end of Season Two. Everyone has had a cosmetic upgrade. They're all older. Ezra is seventeen. *cries*

Ezra had his seventeenth birthday offscreen while he and Kanan were not on speaking terms.

*sobbing forever*

Anyway we open In Media Res with the Spectres (minus Kanan) pulling off a jailbreak.

Oh it is absolutely not a coincidence that our first sight of Ezra this season has him bathed in shadow.

Sabine and Ezra casually bantering mid-mission and Ezra being seamlessly badass. <3

That cute little fond smile of Ezra's when he sees Hondo. T_T

Ohhhh I remember when people were freaking out over just how casually Ezra shoots this Stormtrooper with a blaster very obviously not set to stun. It's such a contrast from "Stealth Strike" in which he promises not to hurt any of them. He's taken some parts of Maul's words to heart, sadly, and now he's acting like a proper soldier in a war.

Ouch.

Don't mind me appreciating Ezra and Sabine's brief battle tag-teaming moment here.

As if the Luke parallels were not strong enough, Ezra's new lightsaber--after a harrowing fight against Darth Vader in which he lost his other one--is green. And sue me, I love his green lightsaber, it's my favorite.

Also a big fan of how Ezra demolishes this whole hallway of Stormtroopers by himself. He doesn't even blink.

"Is that really Ezra?" "Most of the time." The meaning behind this exchange is ambiguous and there are plural interpretations. I think Sabine is referring to how utterly serious he is, no stopping, no delays, all-business. We only really saw him banter and smile with the others when on their way in, once the reinforcements arrived it was all go time.

It really isn't Ezra's fault that Terba got killed. But Ezra's Hero Complex, Guilt Complex, and sense of hyper-responsibility are all colliding and making him take the blame on himself for not having complete 100% control of the situation, also why he snaps at Hera later for griping about just that.

Never not gonna love Ezra as leader with Sabine as his competent lieutenant. <3

The Force Theme goes creepily off-tune here. This is NOT a Jedi Mind Trick. This is Force Dominate and yes, it is a Dark Side power.

This scene is deliberately uncomfortable. It's almost like possession, like Ezra using the AT-DP pilot like a meat puppet.

Sabine looking Very Concerned as she watches what Ezra does here. :)

There's just a moment where they hold on the shots of the AT-DP's legs and Ezra's feet, juuuuuuust to give you enough time to comprehend the horror.

"When did Kanan teach you that?" There's just a smidge of discomfort in Sabine's voice here, she knows full well that's not something normal.

Ezra's "I did what I had to do." here is a bit needlessly defensive, Hera didn't offer any commentary in judgement at all, he's just instinctively already verbally flinching about it because he knows it was wrong.

We can already see the effects of Malachor on Ezra, he's angrier than usual and bristles at Hera's criticism.

"Ah the fiery spirit of youth, eh?" "It's not all bad." Hera looks so SAD here. :( There's so much unspoken sorrow. You can hear a certain frustration and helplessness.

Cut to Ezra having the expected angst session in his room. The holocron, sensing his anger, lights up, making his cadet helmet (the one Sabine painted for him, that's supposed to represent a sense of safety) look creepily demonic.

"You can see things clearly your friends cannot." Ohhhhh you absolute bitch, that specific turn of phrase is meant to dig at Ezra's guilt over Kanan's blindness isn't it? Ezra even repeats it. "They can't see..." This scene here, his speech, is the lynchpin of his entire experiment with the Dark Side; his guilt over Malachor is eating him up and like Anakin before him he's resolved to never let it happen again. So he must become stronger, more powerful. His fear of further loss--his attachment--is leading him down the same dangerous path.

It hurts so good, it's such good angst.

THERE SHE IS, MY FAVORITE FABULOUS BITCH.

She's awful. I love her. <3

The entire crew being so Done with Hondo lol.

Heeeeeeey remember how I talked about how a large part of Rebels the show is how the Ghost crew in particular helps put the Alliance together piece by piece, ship by ship?

Yeah these are the Y-wings that take part in the Battle of Yavin.

Sato promoting Ezra, awwwww. The sheer respect these two have now. Sabine and Zeb are very happy for him and Hera says Kanan would be too and ow ow ow the lined hurt in Ezra's face when he points out that Kanan is never around anymore.

The man himself has grown a Sadness!Beard and is in such inner turmoil that it's woken the Bendu, whose voice we hear calling to him.

I really feel for Hera, trying to mediate between her two Jedi, who are both hurting and both avoiding each other, the frustration and anguish she must feel.

Perhaps nudged by her words Kanan does try to pay Ezra a visit to talk... aaaaaaaand immediately discovers the open holocron.

Ohhh this conversation hurts. Ezra's so angry and hurt by Kanan seemingly abandoning him and all Kanan can think about is protecting him from the holocron's influence and he must feel like such a failure as a teacher, especially when Ezra yells about how he doesn't need Kanan.

:((((

Rebels says vehicle registrations and tolls are tyranny lol.

Right so, mistake number one: Running instead of playing cool. The Alliance does have a small amount of funds and they could easily forge a ship registration. Give the Mining Guild fake credentials, pay the fee, and they could have bought enough time to deflect suspicion for an hour maybe.

Yeah the krykna aren't any less creepy.

Hi Bendu!

The Bendu is an interesting addition to the lore. He seems in the vein of the Mortis Gods, an ancient entity in tune with the Force, though the normal rules of such don't apply to him. He's a neutral party, possibly representative of the spirit of nature, which is neither Light nor Dark it just is. His True Neutral alignment would later be challenged by Kanan but for now he seems a helpful ally, offering to assist Kanan learn how to "see" through the Force. (I do like to joke that he's trying to get all the Force noise to calm down so he can go back to sleep.)

Mixed feelings on how Kanan's blindness is handled. Would have liked to see more of a recovery/coping arc, but a lot of the little subtle hints and nods they do in later episodes are really effective at showing how he's adapted. And then there are the odd moments where Rebels writers forget he's blind entirely. So there's some room for improvement.

Also he should have been allowed to make some blind jokes. DON'T @ ME THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN HILARIOUS.

Ezra: "No witnesses! 😠" Sabine: "Dude WTF?" Love how even though his Dark Side tendencies concern and worry her she's not afraid to push back at him.

Kanan assumes the "source of unbalance" he's carrying is the Sith holocron and confesses his fears that it's corrupting Ezra. The Bendu claims, "An object cannot make you good or evil.", explaining how it's one's mindset that determines that.

Which I mean, point, buuuuuuuut this is also a fictional universe in which the traces of Sith ghosts stuck in soul jars can literally possess you sooooo...

Anyway the scenes of Bendu teaching Kanan how to "see" through the Force are amazing. 10/10 no complaints. Will comment on things as I go just to point them out.

For starters, how about the panic and fear in Kanan when Bendu destroys the sensor beacon? And his angry hopeless, "I can't see anything! Not anymore."?

MEANWHILE WITH THE IMPERIAL DOOM SQUAD:

*ANGELIC CHORUS*

Hello my favorite blue bastard.

The first hint of Kallus's changed allegiance is here with this vaguely accusatory comment about civilian deaths outnumbering insurgent deaths at Batonn, which Thrawn was promoted for. Pryce calls them "acceptable margins". Timothy Zahn would later reveal in the first new canon Thrawn book that it was her who detonated the bombs that killed everyone. For the moment I will refrain from commenting on his concerning habit of retconing things to absolve Thrawn of anything bad ever and just respond with the appropriate amount of disgust at Pryce.

Always loved the cool effect where everything except Thrawn's red eyes fade out.

Mistake number two: Not calling Hera to tell her, "Hey the Empire is scrapping the bombers literally as we speak." and asking for advice. Hera probably would have consulted Sato and the combined brainpower could have come up with a better plan than "Charge in recklessly and scoop them up against orders without further observation or research."

Even Rex, who backs Ezra up later, thinks they should tell Hera about it first.

"That's an order!" Ouch, Ezra, that is the most insensitive thing you could have said to a former clone trooper.

Ezra's need for control over every possible variant situation (to prevent himself from suffering further loss) is actively making things worse for the mission, not better. He is showing a distinct lack of trust in the command structure, and an almost possessive need to keep his team safe and under his direction.

No one comments on his bossing them around though, not even Sabine, and into the maelstrom they go.

Hi Brom Titus!

Rex still showing a very slight deathseeker tendency.

Sabine's been taking notes from Hera on flying a ship with no power, clearly, lol.

This cue right here is going to come back later in the climax of the episode. The frantic rapid percussion definitely gives off the feel of "falling".

Love Melch feigning a malfunction he fits right in with Han "slight weapons malfunction" Solo lol.

Sabine sounds tired and exasperated when she points out the fighters won't have any fuel. I can only imagine the kind of impulsive, reckless, rash leadership decisions she's had to put up with from Dark Side Depression!Ezra for the past few months.

Rex is supportive tho. <3

Bendu going through Kanan's other senses methodically to help him relearn how to navigate. <3

Kanan foresensing the danger Ezra's going to be in from across the galaxy and freaking out about it. <3

I'll be honest I don't quite understand this philosophical mumbo-jumbo but whatever it works, Kanan's got his mojo back and is going to go get his padawan.

Ohhhhhh oh I know this cue right here has been used before, dammit where was it used before?

Hang on... I think it's Kanan's theme?

*goes back to check "Stealth Strike"* No, not there. Ugh, this is gonna bug me.

*checks YouTube* It IS Kanan's theme! Holy crap.

Sabine does not have a good time of it against this Dismantler droid. Zeb's prehensile feet save the day, though. Always love when they get to use those.

Worried Ezra be worried. <3

Ezra's strained "Oh shit it's mom." tone here lol.

Recall what I said back in "Fire Across The Galaxy" about how the Rebellion will always pull your fat out of the fire even if you've been stupid? Yeah.

Hera's face when she sees Kanan sitting in the co-pilot chair. <333333

Rex, ah... may not be all mentally here I think the Dismantler droid is bringing up some unpleasant memories.

The subtle symbolism continues!

This exchange is hilarious. "Yeah, get ready for another demotion." Lol Ezra.

Ezra considers the dilemma for half a second and then chooses violence. Mistake three.

Chopper pitches a fit about getting in a Y-wing. Given that he was shot down in one, that's understandable.

This fond smile and headshake at Hondo. <3

Mistake four, not checking to see if the Y-wings had hyperdrives before taking off.

Always love it when one of the kids uses Zeb's "Karabast!" He's a bad influence on them lol.

All of Ezra's previous bad decisions culminate here, he's stranded on a collapsing station, unable to contact help, and the last thing he heard from Sabine was that the Empire was there. It's not any wonder he's practically breaking down in tears.

"This is wrong, it's all gone wrong!" Well, that's what happens when you choose all the Dark Side options, Ezra. Should have kept a save point.

:((((((

Taylor's acting here is amazing, Ezra sounds SO lost and scared and desperate and he just wants Kanan to be there.

A bold and serious "Shenanigans" cue as Phoenix Group blazes in to the rescue. <3

And there's that cue that I told y'all would be coming back. :)

This sequence is perfection. Ezra clinging to the station as it falls, Hera flying with such microprecision she misses all the debris flaking off of it, the rushing wind, the music...

Ezra's shock when he hears Kanan's voice.

KANAN BATHED IN WHITE LIGHT REACHING OUT TO EZRA AS HE AND THE STATION PLUMMET INTO THE ABYSS.

THE RETURN OF THE ARC WORDS, "I'VE GOT YOU."

THE SOUND DROPPING OUT AS THE FORCE THEME PLAYS SOFTLY AND KANAN TELLS EZRA TO LET GO.

EZRA TRUSTING KANAN, LETTING GO, AND LETTING THE WIND CARRY HIM WITHIN REACH.

Cinematic poetry. <333333333

Hera smiled at first when Kanan told her he'd gotten Ezra buuuuut she's pissed now about the Phantom lol.

Pryce's shade at Konstantine, ha ha.

Thrawn sounded so disappointed too, almost sulky. "That's not the Rebel fleet!" 😠

Major "mom grounding her rebellious teenager" vibes. Love that Zeb and Sabine stick up for him.

Dodonna namedrop!

I know some people wanted a bit more out of Ezra's flirtations with the Dark Side but personally I think it's fitting that as soon as Kanan and Ezra bury the hatchet he never touches it again. The major impetus behind his running to the holocron was Kanan's distance from him, reinforcing all the self-negative beliefs Ezra had about the whole situation--that it was his fault Kanan was blind, that Kanan blamed him, that he wasn't a worthy student, that he couldn't rely on anyone but himself to get strong enough to protect the people he cared about, that he needed the holocron and the Dark Side to get that strength.

And you'll notice he doesn't quite swear off the thing entirely, he asks after it both here and in the beginning of the next episode, a bit like an addict antsy for their next fix.

(No, fandom, Kanan's "I'll always come back." here was not secret foreshadowing that the writers failed to follow up on in Season Four, it was a straightforward sentiment in the moment.)

This is a heartwarming sight. <3

This... is my favorite of the season premieres. For obvious reasons.

Once again the main strength is the focus on Kanan and Ezra's fractured relationship as it pieces back together. The action is tightly written and every single element serves its purpose. It's funny, dramatic, heartbreaking...

I don't really have any other words, this episode is just amazing.

#star wars #star wars rebels #ezra bridger #rebels rewatch #liveblog #sabezra #space dad and his precious pumpkin child #spoilers #grand admiral thrawn

[moldy-mold]

Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

--

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

--

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

--

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

--

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

--

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

--

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

--

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

--

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

#diary

[fallingstarsarentreal]

The Blue-Haired Minnie Mouse/ Purple Hoodie Guy

September 14, 2020 (6 months after Hellish pandemic break loose)

The situation is not getting any better in the Philippines. Everything is just being a huge joke here and we’re not actually getting proper response from the high ranking officials. Hence, I cannot help but feel quite hopeless with the situation. Also, the toxicity of my fandom has been getting to me at one point in time. So I have decided to go away for a bit, and go back to what soothes me at hard times, Music.

Truth be told, I liked his former band’s music, but I’m not in to the point that I will be stanning them as hard as I am doing right now. (I’m really not into KPOP except for Blackpink so I don’t have much reference... And I usually like ballad and relaxing songs.) I didn’t have the time to watch series then because I was too busy in my former job. Also, I have been into writing way before, so I would be satisfied with listening to their music from time to time.

However, by the time that I have fallen in love with their band, 9by9th, I found out that their “End Route” means the end already, no more renewal of contract of 1 year. I was quite devastated with the news and I kinda took it hard and tried to go fan girl over series instead. *SOBS*

(9x9th members: L-R: Thanapob, Ryu, Captain, Porsche ^^, JameyJames, Third, Jackie, Jaylerr, IceParis)

When Trinity debuted, I was really focused on Third and I can remember that I cried over their MV (Hater’s Got Nothing) because I thought that Third will be able to continue with what he’s passionate about. (Third is originally from Kamikaze group but the company disbanded, and his second group is 9x9th but disbanded as well after one year). I kind of followed them for a bit but then I started managing Philippine Fan club bases of my favorite series, with everything that happened, I got too busy... but all I can remember then was the old me crying because I cannot buy the merchandise from before. (Quite a noob then and I didn’t know about pasabuys and stuff.. so yeah). T_T.

(Trinity members: L-R: Jackie, Porsche <3, JMJ, Third)

Before hell broke lose in the whole world, I had the opportunity to go back to Thailand for the second time and I met those artists that I am following. I actually wanted to meet Trinity but there was no opportunity for me to do so because I didn’t even check their schedule then and I think there wasn’t any update regarding their work, so yeah... T_T. (Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed my stay in Bangkok)

So yeah.. After probably taking in shit from the govt for about 7 months already, and toxicity from something that I really used to enjoy and made me smile, I started to distance myself for a bit because what I really need now is not stress, but something that will probably lift up my mood. So what I did was to stress myself even further... watch mystery series that will probably make your head burst into thinking... so in the end, I actually stopped watching BL series and stumbled into their first series together as 9x9 boys, In Family We Trust.

So an excerpt from Wikipedia says,

The Jiraanan family is a wealthy ethnic Chinese business family, whose extended family spans three generations. Grandfather (A-gong) and Grandmother (A-ma) have four children. Prasoet, the eldest son, heads the family business, Jirananta Hotel, and manages its main Bangkok location, while Phatson, the only daughter, manages its Pattaya branch. Met, the second son, is a single stay-at-home parent, while the youngest son Konkan lives a playboy lifestyle. Among them (and a deceased fifth sibling), they have nine third-generation children. The family members seem to get along well as they celebrate A-gong's birthday, but when he dies of old age shortly after, and his will is revealed to exclude Phatson from inheritance of the hotel, she gets into an argument with Prasoet regarding its management. Prasoet is then found dead from a gunshot in his bedroom, and Phatson becomes a prime suspect. Prasoet's wife Chris also becomes suspected when it is revealed that Prasoet had been seeing a mistress for twenty years. The grandchildren, especially Prasoet and Chris's son Pete and Phatson's eldest son Yi, become involved as each family tries to prove their innocence and uncover the mystery of the case.

This was the first time that I started to look at him. Porsche played the character of Kuaitiao, the orphaned grandson who lived with Grandpa and Grandma. Kuaitiao is actually an art student here and he’s passionate about his drawings.

What probably captured my attention is his ability to lighten up the mood around him. Even at awkward situations he was able to make me laugh. And probably the fact that he’s close to his grandma and a sweet grandchild even if he’s an adopted one. It kinda got into me. I’ll be honest. There was a scene where Grandma wouldn’t eat, and he pretended to be angry and did not eat as well. I found it cute and smiled at first, but after few moments, I was sobbing already. He made me miss my grandma who passed away last July 15.

Over all, I loved his acting here. Rating 4.5/5

(But please, don’t make him cry because I’ll end up crying as well).

(He’s such a precious person guys, pleaseeeee... make him smile a lot, okay?)

So, of course, once you’re interested in your new bias wrecker’s work, you’re going to check his latest and previous works, right? So what I did next is watched their latest series (still with 9x9 boys, but this time, it was 7/9 only. I just found out that Thanapob cannot join the series anymore because he’s busy filming another series and Ryu is actually an actor of another channel. Hence, his few appearances as Macao in In Family We Trust) entitled as, Great Men Academy.

(Great Men Academy Cast: Porsche as P’Good <3, Third as Nuclear, JameyJames as Love, Jackie as Menn, Captain as Sean, Jaylerr as Tangmo, and IceParis as Vier)

The excerpt of the story is as stated below,

Love (Chanyapuk Numprasop) has always been a fan of the popular guy Vier (Paris Intarakomalyasut) of the famous all boys high school Great Men Academy, but she has never had the chance to meet him. One day, she sees the mystical unicorn rumored to fulfill wishes and wished for her love for Vier to get a chance.

Unfortunately, the unicorn interpreted her wishes in a different way and Love wakes up to find herself in a male's body. She is able to switch between genders under the condition that she must return as a girl before midnight each night. Love attends Great Men Academy as a guy, and works through the complications of winning Vier's heart and meeting new people while trying to keep her identity a secret.

I actually fell in love with P’Good’s character here because he’s such a stern but doting brother. Good is kinda strict when it comes to Love at first because he has to be strong for their whole family because his dad passed away. He’s a very smart guy, yet clumsy fellow. He can also be shy when it comes to Me. (His crush in the series. Why can’t it be “me” instead? Just kidding).

Over all, I loved how he brought to life my favorite glasses ikemen on this series. He made me cry with the way he handled the vulnerability of his sister, Love. His acting for me in this series is a complete 5.0/5.0! *For the love of Good, Please?*

I rest my case. I’m dying again of spazzing to Phi Good. (Okay. I have a huge crush on this character. The character, okay?!) hahaha

Wait... let me breathe for just a bit... *hyperventilates in Good’s name*

Then after watching the said series, I started to rewatch their Elements MV. And that got me hooked. I noticed his talent in rapping, singing and dancing that I wouldn’t have normally seen in the first place because I have a bias of my own before.

It’s like the more that I watch him, the more I fall for this person (in terms of being a fan of his). I kind of accepted that he’s my bias on Trinity now when I saw this video. (ปาว ปาว (Shout) – V.R.P kamikaze)

I’ve been reading articles about him when I came across the interview of Bangkok Post with Third and Porsche regarding their new work. (being 9x9th members and In Family We Trust). I found out that Porsche was actually a member of VRP of Kamikaze and I watched all his previous work. So when I saw the video Paw Paw/ (Shout), I burst into laughter. I knew from that time that he’s such a funny guy and he’s giving me positive vibes.

As I continued watching, I saw him with a Minnie mouse headband, and I lost it... I laughed a lot, which I rarely do these days. So by then, I wasn’t able to help it, I started to love this kid more.

I continued to watch all the showcases, the fancams, the v-live videos, the vlogs about him and goodness gracious, I am really swoon. This kid is such an interesting person and I really regret not knowing him right away.

As I get to know him, the more I admire him. I mean... for real, it’s even funny knowing his quirks. Like he likes to draw stuff, he likes to play the piano, he loves Anime and his favorite anime is Hitman Reborn! (I wonder if he likes Hibari Kyoya too). Anyway aside from his talent, another selling factor of him to me is his positivity towards life.

“Don't worry na krub, all TWILIGHT. No matter what will happen in the future or the situation, we are always TRINITY and we will do better than before krub.” #XXSIVK #PorscheSivakorn 

His positivity and his ambition would inspire you to do well and go on no matter how difficult things may be.

Thank you Porsche, you are indeed a good source of a breather in my life. Things have been quite difficult in the Philippines and no matter how much I wanted to take a vacation now, I can’t. Your music makes me smile a lot and at times, I forget my worries when I watch you dance. It’s like watching someone you idolize do what they love to do and give it all with passion makes you motivated as well and keeps you going.

Truth be told, you remind me of one of my favorite persons. He used to be brimming with life. But covid made things difficult for him... well it made things difficult for everyone. I really hope he gets his footing soon.

PS. I might not be able to get to know you in person in this life, but I really wish you success. I will always be watching from afar. :)

I’ll be waiting for your come back again. Thanks a bunch XX :)

#trinity_tnt #trinity #porsche sivakorn #xxsivk #great men academy #in family we trust #Sivakorn Adulsuttikul

[taetaespeaches]

1) I'VE HAD A HEADACHE SINCE YESTERDAY I HATE EVERYTHING BUT BTS, everyday i can't help but say it outloud I LOVE BTS- anyway, i think i might suffer from migraine but it's been a while it lasted this long so i'm just exhausted i just want to do absolutely nothing but eat chips and watch youtube -alone- but i probably just need to sleep a lot. and i can't do that so... awesome- (i'm in the office while i write this and they're fumigating, this is not helping at ALL, dude i'm gonna faint ugh)

2) there are some things i've been thinking these days, first: do you remember my ask the other day about yoongi, our precious succesfull honey boy with his 3 amazing albums and #1 billboard, can you add A FREAKING GRAMMY NOMINATION AND ANOTHER #1 MAKING HISTORY I CANNOT WITHT HIS BOY:"Ohmmmmmmyyyyyyyyggghghhhhhhhgggggggggdhdhsjsixudbslsogbdsisgshdbxidjdbdidhdifjfiri" indeed my loves. I believe yoongi can end covid if he wants to- I believe in yoongi, I do I do ♥

3) second: i think it's so funny how weverse is like taehyung's time here are some pictures, interview.. etc and tae's like YEAH BUT THERE ARE ALSO THESE ONES, LOOK, I'M UNSTOPPABLE, VCUT VCUT VCUT! LOOK AT ME I AM A MODEL, CALVIN KLEIN I'M WAITING. and i'm so thankfull for him, thanks boo ♥another thing; my album came on wednesday, i almost cry, i love it so much i cleaned the table and washed my hands and everything and my mom was like let me see and she got upset bc i was like a crazy person

3-1) DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS, WHAT IS THAT? WAIT IS YOUR HAND WET? THIS THING IS WHITE MOM, SO WHITE! BE CAREFULL!!!!! GENTLE!! aaaahh i regret nothing, i will treasure that thing with my soul

4) ALSO: christmas drabbles??????????????????????? LIV YES PLEASSSSSE, I'M SO PUMPED I'm so happy, this is way better than any vlogmas! FALALALALALALALALAAA ♪ thanks for doing that, honestly, imma be soft everyday and i love it. PS: MAGGIE IS PRECIOUS, I WANT TO GIVE HER KISSES OMG, I want a dog so bad, i have a cat that i love with all my heart but i also want a dog T_T tell her i love her and that she's cute and a good girl- my cat is a mean girl btw, she's rude.

5) I'm dying with all these couples asks you get, keep them coming fellas, I'm in a very boring office reading fan fiction ok ?

Nooooooo :( I’m so sorry you’ve been suffering with headaches/migraines, that sounds so horrid. They better stop fumigating that is not helping right now!! I’ll fight! I do remember your ask about Yoongi and WHAT A FUCKING MOOD!!!!!!!! The man wants it the man gets it, this is Yoongi’s world and we are simply living in it and I am perfectly ok with that <3 

Hahahahahahaha I am genuinely cackling fuck Tae on weverse really do be like that lmaoooo. There’s been so much chaos in all this bts news and successes and just AHHH and then we have Taehyung being like “but don’t forget army, I’m very sexy” omg and the dude’s emoji use is incredible A+ Kim Taehyung.

Omg yay!!!! I’m so glad you got your album!!! and what a mood, it is s very white, one must be clean and delicate when handling it hahaha. I was showing it to my mom too and she was freaking with me over the photos. Mother daughter bonding time hahaha

CHRISTMAS DRABBLES YES!!! I’ve been loving writing them so far and I can’t wait to keep going at it. It just really is merrier with bangtan so let’s fucking get merry y’all. I’m happy to make you soft every day of december (starting the 3rd lol). And yes, Maggie is adorable I love her lol. Harlee was chilling there too but she was taking a nap which, mood, you go girl. I’ll give the pups a big kiss for you haha. Lmao even though your cat is rude I love her anyway haha

The couples asks are so cute, I’ve been soft for hours now. Your guys’ minds blow me away lol I adore it 

I hope your head starts feeling better! :( and I hope you’re well other than the dang migraines and boring office!! <3 

#stainofpaint #asks #don't mind me and lydia just sending novels to each other again lol #this is love

[weissfai-blog1]

Best Wishes to You.

Ae Pete Childhood Friend AU I just realized, why does all my fics contain scary, torment and full of heartache plots? I wanna see the darkness inside me? Hmmm.  

Ae and Pete grew up together. Both of their mothers are friends from high school, though the difference was that Ae’s mother is not from a rich family, while Putch came from a very well known family. But that doesn’t stop the friendship of the two that extends towards their sons Ae and Pete. 

The mansion of Putch is just right beside the 4 storey building house of her friend. 

When both mother’s got pregnant, they tease each other that their two babies should be married so that they can be a real family. 

Ae was born months earlier than Pete.  

Ae become the protector of the shy, clumsy and often teased Pete, cause Ae doesn’t like it when Pete cried. When they were kids, he once fought with Pete that end up into the later crying – his chubby cheeks so red and his eyes are shimmering with tears – he felt his heart break and vow that he will never let Pete cry again even if he finds a crying Pete super cute. 

Whoever makes Pete cry will answer to Ae’s fist and kick. No mercy whether it be a girl or a boy. That continued till their high school. 

Ai Koon Chai is the word of endearment of Ae to Pete that started when both of them are only 7 years old. 

Pete seems so delicate and unlike him who often has bruises here and there. 

Ae’s mother will often knock his head when he forces Pete to play outside and making the young master dirty all over his white shirt. Pete will then cry and tell his mother, ‘Please MaeMae don’t hurt my Ae. Don’t hurt his head, he might turn into an idiot.’ When Ae heard that, it was his turn to knock Pete’s head, Pete will massage his head while Ae was getting his 3rd knock from his Mother for hitting Pete. 

Putch will only laugh when Pete will arrive dirty with mud and grass on his clothes. Par Jiew will laugh along and fix the young master before the master of the house arrives. 

When Pete at the age of 9 was inside the mansion learning English and other complicated stuff, Ae was outside playing football with his friends, getting yelled at by his mother, getting into fights with other kids, racing his bicycle with the other kids. But he never forgets to come back exactly 5pm caused that means Pete can play with him.

Pete will cry when he will see Ae with a bruise or a scratch and sometimes blood on his knees and elbows, Pete have perfected the art of taking care of Ae in that department. There’s always a first aid kit inside his room or bandage, gauze and ointment inside his bag.

Ae hates Pete’s dad for breaking Pete & Mae Putch heart when he abandons them. From then on Ae swore that Pete will never feel abandon nor will he ever feel that he is not needed.

Ae often spend the night at Pete’s room and this is their usual ritual:

Ae and Pete will talk about anyone in their school

Pete will laugh non-stop because Ae apparently gain a nosy friend in the form of Pond who Pete thinks is so funny (though Ae will never let Pond near Pete cause he knew how perverted that jackass was – their first meeting was him saving Pond from their teacher when the later drops his porn mag)

Pete will read while Ae will watch the latest football match on Pete’s large TV

Pete will beg Ae to help him with his math problems

Ae will be so prideful to let Pete help him with his English but a puppy pouting Pete will have his way and teach him anyway

Pete and him will play video games and when Ae sees that Pete was about to cry for his lost for the nth time, he will lose on purpose to put a smile on Pete’s face

They will sleep together holding hands

Pete slowly grew taller than Ae and become such a fine Koon Chai. Ae doesn’t know or get why he felt a sudden shortness of breathe or that he is having a weird heart palpitation whenever Pete is near.

He knew Pete to be cute and pretty, much prettier than any girl he knew. Not even their prettiest girl in school can compete with Pete’s look. But he was amazed when Pete hit that stage of puberty. He looks so much delicate than before, milk skin that seems to bruise with a slight touch. Brownish hair that’s so soft. Long eyelashes that covers those sweet looking doe eyes. And what made him question himself more are those pink lips. Why does he feel the urge to just – well – just cover it with his own lips?

Some of their friends teases Ae that Pete is now much taller than him but Ae only grins and show them his fist with words: ‘Yeah he is tall. But I can still beat the crap out on all of you.’

Ae and Pete are still together but not the same as before where they are joined by the hips. Ae focuses more on his football club and Pete focuses more on his studies to help his mother.

It was their last year in high school and both decided to attend the same university, though Pete going to International College while Ae will go to Engineering (Civil Engineering Degree) as he is more familiar with STEM than any other.

Pete went to Ae’s classroom to ask him if they will return home together when he opens the door a girl was confessing to Ae.

‘I’m sorry!’ Pete shouted  and close the door with a bang. ‘Ai Pete!’ Ae shouted to the running Pete. Ae was not able to run after Pete as the girl grabs him and asked again, ‘Please go out with me!’

Ae did answer and the girl cries.

Ae runs and he was told by Par Jiew that Pete went to the hotel with his mother.

It took 2 weeks before Ae and Pete saw each other again and Ae was confused as to why Pete’s face is smiling yet his eyes is so sad.

He felt hurt and wanted to know why. He doesn’t like that Pete is keeping something from him.

Pete only shook his head and told him, ‘You’re imagining things Ae. I’m okay. I must be just tired cause I took internship with my Mom.’

‘Are you going to work over the weekends?’

‘Yes Ae. And also the whole summer. We both passed the entrance exam so now I’ll help Mae and learn more about the hotel.’

Ae nodded and looks at Pete. Pete is saying something that’s slowly breaking his heart. He wont be able to see Pete and spend time with him.

‘How about you Ae? How are you and your girlfriend?’

‘MY WHAT?!’

‘Eh. But Ai Pond and the others, even Ai Sun and Ai Dear are teasing you about her right? I heard that she keeps on following you and even manage to be the manager of the football club. She’s so dedicated to you na.’

‘Pete. She is not my girlfriend and will never be.’

‘Why Ae? She looks cute.’

Ae looks at Pete. ‘Do you really want me to have a girlfriend?’

Pete smiles and says, ‘Yes. So that maybe you wont be so grouchy like a beast.’

Ae looks at Pete and laughs and ruffle his hair. Ae then suddenly hugs Pete and put his chin on Pete’s head. ‘I miss you Pete. If you have time to visit me, visit me please. Its so lonely without you by my side.’

Pete wanted to caress the arms that holds him but restrain himself.

He just nodded and smiles sadly.

They are now in college and Ae joins the football club there. Pete on the other hand is bombarded with activities and events for the InterCollege.

He was surprised to see Tin there.

Tin and him are mutual friends through their parent’s social status. Tin told him that he came back from England and is now studying the same course as Pete.

Both are friends in a unconventional way, as Tin considers Pete as his only friend and he will often said to Pete, ‘You are so privileged to have me as you friend.’ In which Pete will only laugh.

Nobody knows this but Tin may be cold and super rude to others, but he has a kind heart. He just doesn’t trust anyone especially when they get to know his family name.

Tin was taught by his idiot elder brother about life early on. Not to trust easily and not to give your heart just to anyone.

Pete is happy that Tin is here now, though he have forgotten to introduce Tin to Ae.

Ae and him still eats breakfast together but something happen after their 2 months in college.

Ae got himself a girlfriend. Pond, Dear, Sun, Oat, Ping and Bow are all surprised with the news and all look at Pete who was smiling and cheering his special friend. ‘Congratulations! What’s her name again?’

‘Yihwa. She’s a nurse student.’ Ae said with a forced smile on his face.

The whole gang asked so many questions and teases Ae so much but it was Pond and Sun who back away a little and side by side went to Pete.

‘Pete… are you okay?’ Pond asked, sure he is nosy and an asshole to some, but he cares so much about Pete too. Pete is the most gentle creature he had ever met and he knew about Pete’s feelings.

Sun who was said to be a flirt and often jokes himself being the guy for Pete was worried. ‘Ai Pete, do you want me to do kick Ai Shorty? Just tell me?’

Pete shook his head with a smile while looking at Ae who was busy laughing and getting angry with questions from their other friends. ‘He is happy. That’s all that matters.’

Sun and Pond looks at Pete and both nodded with mutual understanding.

If Pete doesn’t want to tell Ae his feelings, then they will respect that. But should Pete ask for their help, they will give it 120% for they care and love this little Prince.

Because Ae has a girlfriend, the text messages he sent Pete every morning is being rejected:

Ae. Eat with your girlfriend. She won’t forgive you if you didn’t invite her.

I’m sorry Ae. I’m busy. (⋟﹏⋞)

I’m sorry Ae, I’m with P’Money, we have to attend an event for reference. ＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)＿

Ae, I’m sorry. I’m with Tin this morning. We need to finish our reports. (T_T)

I’m sorry Ae about dinner. Tin and I are still at uni. We have a presentation tomorrow at 8am.  (つ﹏⊂)

Ae, I’m sorry I missed your call. I cannot go with you to dinner. I have to finish some essays with Tin. (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)

I’m so sorry Ae, please tell Yihwa sorry too. I know its her birthday, but I just cant go out. We have three proposal report due tomorrow. (ಥ﹏ಥ) Tin and I haven’t finish the second part. Sorry again na. I have given Pond my gift to Yihwa. Please check! I told Ai Pond not to drop it, that’s a perfume.

Ae. Please tell Yihwa that I cannot go with her. I’m so sorry again. I have to go with Tin. Our professor just tasked us to interview his dad! Can you believe? Of all people, we are to interview his dad! ⊂（゜Д゜⊂

Hello Ae. I’m so sorry. I know its your 100th and Pond told me about it. I gave Pond our gift to you guys. Enjoy!

Ae have been staring at his phone. He had been reading all the messages of him and Pete.

For the last 3-4 moths the only time he saw Pete was when he was passing by the Engineering Department to talk to a professor. He was about to go to him when the professor of their class enters and he have no choice but to go inside the room.

He was with the Tin guy he presumes. Tall, white, arrogant face.

What he understands on the last message was: “I gave Pond our gift to you guys.” >> OUR GIFT. WHO THE FUCK IS ‘OUR’?!

He read again the message and compose a new one:

AE: Hello Ai Koon Chai. Are you still busy? Yihwa and I are going out tomorrow and she told me to invite you.

Koon Chai: Then can I bring a someone?

AE: Who?

Koon Chai: Tin.

Ae reads it again and he didn’t notice how hard he was gripping his phone.

AE: I don’t know him Pete. I’m only inviting you.

Koon Chai: Oh. Then I have to decline Ae.

AE: What do you mean?! Are you saying you won’t come with us if that friend of yours isn’t with you?!

Koon Chai: Ae… please don’t get angry. I can sense your anger through your messages.

AE: Then don’t be unreasonable! I don’t know who the fuck is that guy. You keep on mentioning him to all your messages!

Koon Chai: I’m so sorry Ae. I wont’ bother you again. Please take care.

AE: AI PETE!

Ae didn’t receive any messages and he tried to call Pete only to be greeted by a busy line. He tried again and again and when 2 hours had passed, he knew Pete just blocked him.

Ae was so pissed and punches the wall. He will talk to Pete. He will not let this go. Just who the fuck is that guy as if he is someone more important than him?

Ae went to Pete’s apartment the following morning.

Ae confronted Pete on his apartment and Ae was shocked. How many months have they not seen each other? Pete looks so pale, but what stunned him was how beautiful Pete is and that he cant believe himself that he let those months passed by and he was not there to see this beauty for so many months.

‘Why did you block me?’ Ae asked in contained anger.

Pete didn’t answer and just shook his head. Ae was insisting until Pete gives in

‘Because Ae doesn’t like Tin.’

Ae was so angry with what he heard that he shouted ‘Why the hell should I like him?! Who the hell is he anyway?

‘Tin is Pete’s boyfriend Ae.’

‘What did you say?’

‘Tin is my boyfriend Ae. I am gay.’

Thanks @opald for the inspiration. hugs hugs hugs 

#LBC #love by chance #AePete #Ae #Pete #hcs #weissfai

[bohemian-war]

How I met Jack Lowden…

Hi guys!

Just come from seeing Jack in MFM and even when I have met lots of celebrities in my life, this is probably one of the best experiences I’ve ever had when it comes to meeting an actor. 

I am gonna try to make this short since it’s quite late and I’ve got a massive headache. Enjoy!

So everything started when it was announced that Jack was gonna be in a new play in London. I am from Spain, however, I live in the UK now so I am lucky enough to be able to see lots of musicals and plays every day. 

When the tickets came out early this year, I bought them straight away. I did not even think about it for a second. In fact, I can’t believe that I bought them months ago and the whole thing is now gone. Time really flies!

I’ve been doing and covering both premieres and events for almost six years now as I work in the entertainment industry and I get to cover these and meet celebrities–in a professional way–for free so I’ve had my moments of starstruck, believe me. Especially when I met Tom Hanks or when I bumped into Aneurin Barnard a couple of weeks ago in the street (these are stories that can be told in a different time).

Unfortunately, since I moved to London two years ago, my work schedule–I am working in a theatre now–is a weird one, so I don’t have time to cover events as much as I used to do so in the past. This–alongside my self-esteem, anxiety, and depression issues–have made me become quite shy and to lose my “touch” when it comes to meeting actors. Now I am scared of approaching them! To the point that I have been rehearsing what I wanted to say to Jack for a whole week!

Since last Monday, the only thing I’ve done is overthinking things. “What if I don’t cause a good impression?” “What if he thinks I am crazy?” “What if I cannot talk due to my anxiety?” “What if my anxiety plays tricks on me again as it did with Aneurin?” Anyways, I started to look at all these fan pictures from last Friday and I was jealous of the fact that they could talk to him and I perfectly knew that I was not gonna be able to do the same thing. 

Today, my friend sent me a text saying that she had got last minute tickets and that she was coming with me. I immediately felt relieved because even when there was a minimum percentage that I couldn’t get anything from Jack unless she was gonna be there to support me so that was a plus.  We got to the Donmar two hours and a half before the performance began. We wanted to try to see if we could spot Jack. Obviously, we were not gonna stay there more than what it was necessary, so if he wasn’t around we would leave. Luckily, he left the building with two other actors from the play, we saw this and approached him nicely. He was on his break chatting and having a cigarette so this is when I was starting to get into a panicky kind of mood because he was definitely seeing us approaching him from afar and I didn’t want to have any “problems” with him. 

When he was about to leave, we called him and he turned around. He is BEAUTIFUL! So blonde and with those gorgeous blue eyes. So tall and skinny. Did I say he is literally the most BEAUTIFUL human being in the entire planet and that he must be protected at all costs? My friend and I basically had the shortest conversation ever. We told him that we were big fans of his, that we were there to see the show and that we needed to kill two hours and a half. He was so pleased when we let him know that we were there for him and to see the show. You cannot even imagine. He felt so relieved! We asked him for a picture and voilá:

(That’s even a coats match *_*). I quickly asked him if he could sign my Dunkirk Blu-ray and he told me that he would be delighted to do it after the show and he also told me that he’d be leaving via the fire exit (thanks to everybody here who helped me with that because some people in the theatre tried to fool us but Jack himself let us all know that he’d definitely be coming out through the back door). He finally asked me if I knew where the fire exit was otherwise he could show me. I said yes. Now that I think about it tho, I wouldn’t have minded a small tour haha.  After this, my friend and I went for a coffee and wait till seven to collect our tickets. The main “problem” is that my friend and I had different seats, however, people at the Donmar Box Office know me–as I work for the same company and I am very good friends with all of them–so we ended up getting a last minute upgrade. We were meant to be in the fourth and second rows and we finished sitting in the middle section of the first row!!! Jack was literally in front of us all the time!!! (Every time that he looked at me, I was literally dying inside. And he did it more than once! He is just so beautiful. I just wanna die T_T). 

Anyways, I cannot stress enough how incredible the play was and everybody was amazing but both Jack and Hayley were astonishing. I don’t even have words. In fact, I am not gonna give anything away as a) they’re still on previews and things are gonna keep changing when it comes to the play in the next couple of days (in fact, the play was shortened 15 minutes today); b) there’s not enough time to say everything. I thought I had seen it all with the ravishing performance of Andrew Scott in Hamlet or the astounding performance of Mark Rylance in Othello but this was in a whole different level, I can tell you. Go to see Measure for Measure if you have the chance. You are not gonna regret it! I might actually go again because it was amazing! (If you’ve seen the play and would like to discuss it with me, my inbox is now open :)).  After the show, we went to the back to wait for Jack. There were people already there and I was panicking AGAIN! I wanted to see him but I didn’t wanna be there at the same time. In fact, I was feeling that I was bothering him with my stupid presence. I already had my picture and I had seen the play. What else could I ask for? It took him about fifteen minutes to come out but he definitely did it and he was so happy to see us. BLESS HIM! Most of the fans were from Asia (especially South Korea) but us (a.k.a.the Spaniards haha). Guys, I am not even kidding, Jack spent at least 45 minutes with all of us after the show!!! After a three-hour-and-ten-minutes play, I had never seen a so well-mannered and dedicated person to his fans ever!!! He was probably exhausted and he still had time for his fans and to make jokes non-stop. He signed everything from programs and DVDs/Blu Rays to drawings. A beautiful fan drew him in Fonzo and he was blown away by the result! I literally have lots of pics, videos, and memories from the encounter. In addition, I’d like to keep most of them to myself because I’d like this to be a very special moment between Jack and me. Because it was so beautiful that I don’t want it to be spoiled. I wanna retain it in my mind forever. But I am just gonna say that we both talked about Dunkirk LOADS and when I mentioned that I first saw him in The Passing Bells he was very surprised. He answered with an amazing “Nooooo Shut Up! Are you kidding?” I told him that I am a massive History geek and he answered that he loves History too. Then that led to Mary, Queen of Scots and other projects (Fonzo etc). He was so flattered when we mentioned them all to him. When he was signing my program he was surprised by my name (he said that it is beautiful. BEAUTIFUL! *_*) and he even added an “España” (Spain) to the signature. He told me that he once went to Cadiz (South of Spain) and that he’d love to go to Madrid, which is where I am from :). I told him that I might do a trip to Scotland soon and this cheered him up even more. He also talked about his parents living in Asia and how he got to go to Asia when he was a child and that he’d love to go back one day. After this, we both hugged endlessly (he revealed to us that he’s living on his own at the moment so he needs lots of hugs awww :’)), we took lots of pics and videos and we chatted for hours. We all even joked about having a coffee together to discuss the play. Unfortunately, it was quite late but I bet that, on a different occasion, Jack would have said yes.  You can see lots of videos of us here. I am the redhead asking questions all the time haha. Now I feel bad for not letting the others speak. Sorry :(. Thank you @uoize for the amazing videos and pics as well! Here you are a few of the ones I took (I include the one with Hayley as well):

He’s signing my Dunkirk Blu Ray here. I have more than five editions of the film and I took the German one with me as it’s the one with Collins on the cover. He was taken by surprise when we told him that he is in every 4K Blu Ray edition of the film all around the world and he said that he’d like to buy one copy. When we told him it was already sold out he blamed us for buying all the copies. 

(Another pic with Jack. This time a selfie taken by him. P.S. The background of the pic has been edited as some people in the pic requested me not to be seen). The last thing I did was thank him for everything he’s done so far. I told him that he was so nice (he told me that I was very nice as well and that I could calm down around him. No need to be nervous) and that it was so great of him that he dedicates so much time to his fans when he shouldn’t be. Again, he was taken by surprise and with a puppy face, he replied “Of course, don’t be silly! I love it. Also, you came to see the show guys so it’s the least I can do!” Jacks is everything I wanted him to be and so much more!!! I don’t think I will ever meet someone like him again in my life. I truly wish him the best and I am sure he’s gonna smash it because he simply deserves the world. I’ve been to the theatre so many times and I`ve seen so many great musicals and plays. I’ve met lots of fans but nothing so close and welcoming as today. Thanks, everybody for making this possible!

Lots of love!

xx

#jack lowden #dunkirk #measure for measure #actor #mine #me #personal #experience #William Shakespeare #places #London

[killian-whump]

OUAT 2x11: Rewatch Blog

Alright, everybody. Buckle yourselves in, because this is gonna be one WILD ride of a Rewatch Blog right here. Today’s episode is “The Outsider” - also known as “The Episode Where Killian Jones Is Attacked with a Bookshelf, Beaned with an Oar, Knocked into the Hold of His Own Ship, Beaten with a Cane, Almost Straight-Up Murdered, Slapped and Demeaned, Having Just About the Worst Day Humanly Possible... Then Gets Hit By a Car”.

There’s going to be a lot of flailing. There’s going to be a lot of GIFs.

And you’ll probably never see another Rewatch Blog from me, because I will be blogging and reblogging content from this episode for the rest of my life, because the sheer quantity of whump in this one episode is mind-boggling.

At any rate, let’s get on with the show!

You know, it’s a good thing Mr. Gold shelled out the money for a nice luxury car, because that trunk space seems to really come in handy for him.

Smee bondage and whump, if anyone’s into that ;)

Oh no, is this the episode with the Mogwai that isn’t actually a Mogwai, but I always think it’s a Mogwai because that’s the name that sticks in my head? I’m terrible at knowing which episode is which unless it’s cataloging Killian whump, then I know all. Anyway, this title card is kinda unimpressive.

Aww... It’s a funeral :( Sweet words from Snow, but I keep wondering who the poor sap is that’s actually buried in that coffin... and did they dig him/her up later and give them a proper burial under their own name? Or just figure, “Eh, that’ll do” and just forget about it?

I love how Pongo doesn’t actually seem sad, too. Easily ignored on first viewing, but on second viewing, he totally looks like, “Dudes... Why are we here?”

Mmm... I love it when Colin’s being aggressive and wicked <3

“I only have enough of this potion for one object.” And I don’t suppose you could, like, make more of it or anything XD This show is so silly sometimes.

Oh, it IS the Mogwai-that-isn’t-a-Mogwai episode. Know how I know? Here’s how I know: That’s the episode Belle makes this epic face in:

I feel you, Belle. I feel you.

Yaoguai. Yaoguai. NOT a Mogwai. Give me 20 minutes, it’ll be a Mogwai again.

“No man has been able to kill it.” Oh, I’ve heard THAT before.

La la la la la, Happy Day, Happy Morning, Happy Library.

OH SHIT, THERE’S A HOT PIRATE IN THE LIBRARY.

Aaaaaaaaaand there’s some improper usage of library resources. Incidentally, this is one of my favorite Hook bestings, because not everyone can say they were bested by a librarian with a cart of books.

Action Hook! Leaping and running...right into that door. Not his best moment. Oh, I know. Let’s hit the door. That should help. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.)

Umm... Convenient cell phone issues, ahoy! That’s always annoyed me.

“I trust you’ve seen one before.” Kinda snarky for someone setting out on a quest with the guy, I mean, at least try to make friends?

Nevermind, that dude’s an asshole. Although to be fair, she was rude first.

“It’s taken me weeks to track the Mogwai Yaoguai here.” “Yeah, I found it in a day.” Seriously, Belle? Seriously?! Tact.

‘I just can’t understand why people are being so mean to me...’

See, I don’t understand the convenient cell phone outage, when Gold’s just going to rush right over and find her and get the whole story from her anyway. Like, what purpose did that odd snafu cause? She could’ve just as easily gotten the message across on the phone or simply said, “Rumple! Help!” and explained more when he got there, and we wouldn’t have to suspend belief that her cell phone just mysteriously stopped getting reception right when she needed it.

Every time I watch this episode, they always leave out the best part.

“I managed to wrangle up a Pop Tart.” Emma, you culinary genius.

“No one is here.” “Yet.” FORESHADOWING!!!!

“This is really not your concern.” HE JUST STRAIGHT UP TRIED TO KILL HER, RUMPLE. I think that makes it her concern. “He attacked me. It most definitely is my concern.” See?! Even Belle agrees with me.

“She died. That’s all that matters.” Ummmmmmmmmm...

Surprisingly good plan, actually. And it makes sense how Smee would know all of this (although how he knew about the shawl is a mystery). I would’ve liked to have seen Smee and Hook reunite, though :(

Wow, Gold... Kinda being a major jerk right now. “How exactly are you gonna help me?!” I mean, it’s a valid question, but seriously. TACT, people.

“Promise me that you going after Hook is just about getting the shawl back.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, no. Kudos to him for not lying here, though.

“Wait, you’re a-” “Yeah, I know.” Heehee! :D

Oh no, the Monkey’s Fist that launched a million headcanons...

To be real, I don’t really buy into the headcanons, since a Monkey’s Fist is a ridiculously common knot and one used as a counterweight on sailing vessels, but I’m always a fan of painful headcanons, so I like it, anyway.

That said, I don’t even know why it was necessary. I mean, he’s a pirate. Seems like a no-brainer that he might’ve come to this realm with, you know, a ship. It just seems like a convoluted way to have Belle be able to use her book smarts to solve a mystery that shouldn’t be a mystery at all.

Awww... Smee is cute as a rat :D

LOL, I love the way Belle walks with the gun, swinging it like it’s a handbag or something. Haha. Gun safety classes. Pronto.

See, now THAT was clever sleuthing, hearing the ship, seeing the birds landing on something that isn’t there... and especially tossing the sand.

Action Belle! Rescuing Archie! Woowoo!

...straight into dish drying. Seriously, the segues on this show...

Umm... Listening in on extensions isn’t really cool.

“How did he get in here?” He pushed the door right open. We watched him do it, like, 5 seconds ago. You didn’t lock the door, obviously. DON’T YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A TOWN WITH EVIL VILLAINS RUNNING AMOK? Although, to be fair, those villains aren’t the kind who let door locks stop them, so why bother... but then don’t act surprised when dogs push your front door open!

...Also, giving your kid a dog without asking the people you live with if that’s okay is also not cool. Just saying, haha.

You know, I’d question the likelihood of Hook hiding the key to a locked box literally right next to the box in question, but this is a man who also hid the Shears of Motherfucking Destiny in a tool box in the shed, so...

“That doesn’t belong to you.” Like that’s gonna work, haha.

I knew she shouldn’t have set the gun down.

“You are.” “Me?” Yes, you and your fantastic cleavage.

To his credit, he didn’t just blow her head off right here, when he easily could’ve.

Aaaaaand now it’s time for ridiculously sexual conversating.

Aw, random Millian feels T_T “Because she made it.” T_T

“Died. Like it was some kind of accident. Is that what he told you?” That really was a pretty massive whitewashing Rumple did right there.

“His heart is true... and yours? Yours is rotten.” Okay, Jan.

Heeeeeeeeeeey, that’s not Colin!

No matter what the occasion or the peril, it’s always a good time for puns.

HOOK WHUMP HOOK WHUMP HOOK WHUMP YAAAAAY

“You may want to turn away, Belle. This isn’t gonna be pretty.” I beg to differ. This scene is beautiful, actually. All kinds of blood and pain and wavering voices and begging for death and slapping and humiliation... Yum.

I did warn you guys there would be flailing.

WHY WOULD YOU CUT AWAY FROM THAT SCENE. THIS IS WHY THE MOGWAI ANGERS ME. DON’T CUT AWAY FROM HOOK WHUMP FOR SILLY MOGWAIS OR WHATEVER THEY ARE *flail*

Also, he should’ve been naked. I mean, it makes sense. And... naked.

“Do it! Do it! Kill me! He has to show you how powerful he is. Rip my heart out. Kill me like you did Milah, and then I’ll finally be reunited with her.”

THAT HURTS ME, GUYS. IT HURTS ME T_T My baby...

Rumple’s response makes me laugh every time, though.

‘I MEAN, COME ON, NOW I LITERALLY HAVE TO.’

Oh gods, guys, that slap is my favorite Hook slap ever. It’s just so patronizing and insulting and... AHH, I’M ALIVE.

...and that tiny smirk at the very end. Homeboy’s not done with yoooou :D

Domestic issues over house hunting in aisle three.

It’s really sad when little boys want to build armories to protect themselves from their Other Mom :( Seriously, show. That’s a low blow :(

Well, here we are... Late night drive... Five minutes left in the show... Not like anything much is gonna happen here...

Oh, a random flashback... Evil Queen capturing Belle... Nice, nice.

Only three minutes left now, awww, Gold can leave town <3

Two minutes left now, it’s not like they have time to- OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD SOMEONE SHOT BELLE

OH MY GOD HE LOOKS HOT BLOODY AND FIRING A GUN

“Oh, fear not, she’ll live. She’ll just have no idea who you are.” “What you’ve done cannot be undone!!!” “Well, now you finally know how it feels!” I love that exchange. Really and truly <3

Only one minute to go, there’s no way there could be any more unexpected twists or turns or - OH MY GOD IT’S A CAR

OH MY GOD LOOK AT RUMPLE MOVE

OH MY GOD HOOK GOT HIT BY THE CAR

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT FUCKER FLY!

OH MY GOD I THINK HE’S DEAD D:

(Spoiler Alert: He’s not dead.)

OH MY GOD THAT’S THE END

OH MY GOD PEW PEW PEW PEW

#OH MY GOD #2x11 #ouat rewatch #ouat liveblog #watching fairytales #oc #kw reviews

[fanfictionconnectionwordpress]

hewwo OwO Can I do a headcanon request for RFA +minor trio(if it's ok with you) with a mc that whenever she has sugar, she gets really emotional, but she doesn't like telling anyone bc she really loves candy and sweets? I'm sorry if it's too specific or anything. Wove you pwatonyicawwy UwU

***I’m a sweets whore! T_T Give me candy~ Anyway, I’m going to really overdramatize the emotional side of this to make this even more interesting, and hey…^///^ I love you too ! ~Let’s Connect! FFC***

* Character Personality Breakdown: GoodEnding Original Route Characters, Secret Ending 02 Saeran, V Good Ending, myversion of Vanderwood as seen in my VanderwoodBackstory Fanfiction*

-

Yoosung:

He doesn’t understand.

It’s as though every time the two of you watch movies together, you just start bawling about every little thing.

The movie doesn’t even have to be sad!!!

It just makes him cry with you, because he’s a sympathetic crier, and you’re just a pile of snuggly tears.

One day you watch a movie without snacks…The Sinktanic and…you didn’t cry at all????

Do you have something against boats?

-

Seven:

It seems like ever since you moved into the bunker, you are crying or acting out 24/7.

It’s all the snacks he has laying around, you just can’t help it.

Seven almost thinks you’re pregnant and tries to force you into taking a test before you reveal the truth.

Far be it from him to comment on someone’s diet, HBC and PhD Pepper but maybe you should cut back on the sweets so the two of you can actually have fun together again?

-

Jumin:

It is first noticed when he makes his special strawberry pancakes for you with the sweet syrup, and you start crying over how wonderful this moment was and so on.

Jumin was confused by the over-expression of emotion, but took it with style, simply giving you more pancakes and causing more tears apparently.

He insists on getting you checked by a doctor, to see if there is something negative causing this reaction to sugar.

Jumin ends up implementing a strict nutritionist regulated diet to make your life easier, but now you’re sad because less sweets.

-

Zen:

He places some chocolate in your mouth all romantically, only to have you randomly burst into tears as he’s nuzzling your ear.

“Woah, MC, calm down! What’s wrong?”

You’re just crying and sniffling, and there ends up being some cuddles until you can’t resist having more chocolate, and then there is more crying and tears…

So, now Zen knows if he wants to have a date night, chocolate can’t be involved. 

Duly noted: no Valentine’s DLC for you, madam.

-

Vanderwood:

He hates sweets. There are literally none in his house, so you take to sneaking them in.

Unfortunately for you, nothing slips past this secret agent, so he knows you’ve got something when he hears the soft crinkling of plastic and sees that there’s definitely something brightly colored sticking out of your pocket.

Vanderwood would lecture you, but you have a right to eat what you want, so he says nothing.

Sniffling…the sniffling brings him into the front room, where he sees you crying over your bag of candy.

“MC? Is something wrong?” You try to hide the candy, but he just comes over to check on you, concerned that you’re crying and not really sure how to comfort you.

It only becomes clear to him that it’s the sweets the second time that it happens, because the first time he had just assumed it was your period, since you didn’t want to tell him.

Well…he definitely won’t be buying sweets to keep at his place any time soon, but if you want to cry over a bag of candy once a week that’s your prerogative.

-

Saeran:

You were crying, so to cheer you up, he tried to bring you some ice cream, and now you’re crying even harder into his beautiful tub of new ice cream too…

He does not understand what is going on, and is panicking a bit trying to figure out how to help.

Saeran ends up holding you and talking to you about the flowers he’s currently growing to try to cheer you up, and once the sugar wears off, you’re calm…

Then he asks if you’d like a bowl of ice cream again, and it all starts over in a vicious cycle until you tell the truth about your sweets problem.

-

Jaehee:

It’s the first day after opening the cafe, the customers are complaining of crying sounds in the bathroom, and you’re nowhere to be found.

She rushed to the bathroom to find you, was it all too much? The stress of opening a business had clearly gotten to her partner, and she hadn’t even noticed!!

Except, the fact is that you’ve been sampling the different sweets from the cafe, one of which you were chowing down on right now as you wailed, “Oh, Jaehee, the cafe is just so awesome! I’m so happy!”

Okay so…no more sampling things at work for you.

-

V:You ask for sweets, and he directs you to a cabinet in the kitchen as he works on a painting.It’s not long before you reappear in his art room, chowing on the sweets, and it’s an even shorter time before you start sobbing, “It looks so amazing!”V is perplexed…there’s barely any ink on the canvas yet, and you’re getting so emotional?? “No, please, stop painting. It’s so perfect!”Somehow, he ends up with a gallery of unfinished works that people just cannot get enough of, thanks to your sweets habit while watching him paint.

-

MasterList  /  Patreon  /  Fanfictions  /  Commissions

Send me an ask! Rules

Current unanswered HC count: 21

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanon #mysmes #yoosung kim #saeyoung choi #jumin han #zen hyun ryu #vanderwood #saeran choi #jaehee kang #v jihyun kim #askffc

[looongcat]

Nightshade Thoughts

Alright take 2! This is not spoiler free!

Goemon

I am a sucker for nice guys. Like stealing from the rich? Heart of gold? Sign me tf up! It comes as no surprise that I really liked the beginning of his route. However I hated the ending. I very clearly knew that he was faking it, but I think it upsets me that he can betray/torture enju if he has to, not so much that he did. Like it would be less hurt if he actually just betrayed enju and didn’t care about her all along. But since I knew, he loved enju, and that he could still hurt her, I was not happy! I am also not a huge fan of flirts, so there’s that. I thought I would really like him but he ended up being like my 2nd least favourite route.

Hanzo

I am also... a sucker for cold guys who are warm to you. Emphasis on a cold guy, i do not like rude guys! I think there is a difference between someone calling you useless/an idiot versus someone saying you’re inexperienced, even thought they both make you feel useless. Anyways, Hanzo’s route did not disappoint! I obviously did not like how his route started, but by the time he was whipped for enju, I was totally enthralled. I did have some issues when his route, specifically his age. He mentions that he was around your mother’s age, and in someone’s else's route they mention the age difference between chojiro, goemon and hanzo, and if you put everything together you can kinda guess how much older he is than enju, and friendly reminder girl is 16. That aside, I really enjoyed how he actually let enju fight, or that enju was willing to fight since she only runs away in all the other routes. Hanzo is probably my favourite route.

Kuroyuki

The only age appropriate LI! Maybe that’s why I kinda like him LOL. I am also a sucker for childhood friends to lovers (which means I enjoyed Gekkamaru’s route too which more on that later!) I actually did like his route, even though he’s deceiving enju the whole time. I think the difference is that he made enju feel safe, whereas goemon definitely did not! Idk how to explain it, just that I’m okay with what he did lol. The story is quite predictable so I suspected that Kuroyuki was the killer when I was playing Goemon’s route. Cause yknow guy who’s been gone for 8 years is probably not so innocent. There is something to be said about how Kuroyuki & Enju might not actually love each other, which the game does bring up. I don’t have like big thoughts on it. Personally I thought their ending was kinda cute, so I think they did love each other, even if it was like out of like.... dependence? Like they depend on each other to survive, and is that really so wrong?

Chojiro

Yknow what I’m not a sucker for LOL. I know in some cultures it’s normal but I just could not get over the fact that this guy is both your cousin and your teacher. Especially since they would not stop bringing it up T_T. No sir I cannot see you as a man, cause you are my cousin and you should stay that way! Anyways this route is quite plot heavy, and most of the romance is just crammed into the end. If i’m being honest, I did not enjoy the story. Cause if you think about, the emperor faked his death, framed you for it, and then had all your friends hunt you down and die for essentially nothing. Cause in the good end, you and chojiro just run away, and thus the emperor still stays the emperor, like at least in Gekkamaru’s route the emperor dies and there’s a hint that there’s some change that will happen (but even that is unsatisfying). But like in Chojiro’s route literally nothing has changed, all your friends really are dead for nothing! Plus, they’re probably gonna have to continue running away if the emperor decides to continue sending people after them. So yeah, chojiro was my least favourite route and least favourite guy. I did however think the bad ending was kinda cute lol.

Gekkamaru

Gekkamaru is probably my favourite guy. As previously mentioned I love a guy who’s kind and I love childhood friends to lover romances. I don’t quite know how I feel about him being under a spell to protect you. It does make it seem like, his actions towards enju might be disingenuous, but I feel like enju was a kind character from the start, and that throughout the last 16 years I’m sure their friendship meant something to Gekkamaru, such that his actions when the story started are genuine. At least that’s what I want to believe. I thought they were super cute together, and I did like how he did things with her best interest in mind, such as saying that they were partners on a mission and not like a bodyguard/master situation. Again, I didn’t love the plot, so this route wasn’t my favourite. Idk where it really stands, but I did like the romance in the route, so like higher than chojiro/goemon and probably a close tie w/ kuroyuki.

Overall thoughts

The plot of the story is so linear and predictable it did take out some of the fun for me. Like by the time I got to chojiro’s route, I thought the story would be the same and so then I ended up skipping through the parts that were actually different. BUT DONT WORRY, i got a chance to read all the things I missed in Gekkamaru’s route. Idk if the game has a feature that stops skipping when you get to new material, but... i definitely did not have that feature on. I would say I did not like how linear the stories are, I think what I like about other otome games is that each route tends to be quite different w/ some similar plot points, but overall you are getting a different story. I felt like I was just reading the same story like 5 times. Like even once I got to chojiro’s route and I was like oh.. this is different, I still was like i bet all your friends are gonna die, and then yknow they did.

I also hated how the difference between the bad end and the good end is like... a few lines, and that all of them are the same. In all the bad ends you die, and although I actually didn’t mind that. In fact I kinda liked some of the bad ends, it still... fell short b/c it was like... basically the good end but like... instead of surviving you die. It really wasn’t any different. It didn’t really feel like the story split off into something different, it’s just you die and that’s the end.

I didn’t ended up buying the DLC, but someone posted them on youtube and I wish they would have been like epilogues of like your romance w/ each LI, after the main story. Instead they were all just like... side stories to the main story, which meant it wouldn’t be as romantic as I would have wanted. Again, Hanzo’s was my favourite if I had to pick

TLDR: I wouldn’t say I don’t recommend this, but if you do play I would recommend you play in order, since in each route you tend to learn more and more about the plot. Otherwise the story is pretty predictable, its super linear, it feels like you're reading the same story 5x. The story itself wasn’t that bad, and the romances aren’t the worst so like... 3/5 maybe.

#personal #nightshade #nightshade spoiilers #long post #if anyone cares I believe hanzo is like 16 years older than enju if I mathed correctly lol #i thought about it a little more and i think its actually 17 years older

[seekingluckynumberseven]

Day 5 : I’m Watching You... Every 2.35 Seconds

Author Note: This contains a chat and a phone call. Trying to keep them in a format as close to the game as possible with Tumblr’s lovely editors. Also, all chats with Seven need more memes.

Kali tossed her handheld console to the side and flopped back on the couch with a heavy sigh. Even romancing 2d pretty boys was getting boring. Sorry, Nat-chan. Not even his beautiful voice could lure her back. She stared up at the ceiling. If someone would have told the girl from just a few months ago who was frantically trying to juggle her thesis and Juno’s crazy demands that she’d be bored, that girl would have died laughing. Her brain just couldn’t come up with things to keep it occupied. V may have given them a date for the party, but other than emailing the growing list of ... eclectic... guests, there wasn’t much to actually do.

Everyone was worried about her safety with the new hack. Seven, especially. No matter how much she tried to reassure him, all he could do was beat up on himself. So she was staying put for his sake. Not her’s. Yoosung and Jaehee had both expressed amazement at how calm she was. It was a hacker, no one was pointing a gun and pulling the trigger. Her fingers ran over the soft cloth covering the pock mark on her thigh. She knew what that was like, how the pain of a bullet piercing flesh felt. This was nothing. “Freaking out never helps in situations like this. I can’t do anything and I trust Seven.” The redhead had seemed flattered 

The apartment was to tiny for her to work out, especially with the gift her uncle had slipped into her backpack with the wink that always promised chaos. Seven kept reassuring her that there were no cameras in the apartment, but still. The rest of the security system was an unknown and she couldn’t risk the power signature of the weapon being picked up. That and with her luck recently, she’d likely trip and end up slicing the couch in half or something.

A chime on her phone drew her attention. The memelord had emerged. Kali found a smile growing on her face for the first time that day.

<707 has entered the chatroom>

707: alkgj;aelj

JAEHEE: Seven, hello.

707: @tlj3oj3$

707: ;3piu9jqt’ae’of

707: (Utp9iotjkj

KALI: 8h;aw4ietej

707: 9e;itj3;jf

JAEHEE: Please stop there ^^

707: dlkjg

707: eoipk

JAEHEE:

707: ..

707: .

707: ok

JAEHEE: Have you found anything about the hacker?

707:

707: Not yet…

707: I have so much work for the agency…!!

707: can’t focus…

707: Sorry KALI T_T

KALI: 

KALI: Cheer up!

707: T_T

707: 

707: I’ll work harder

707: just for you, Kali!

JAEHEE: Nothing’s wrong with Kali for now then?

707: Nope.

707: I checked the CCTV

707: and nothing strange happening!!

707: I’ve been looking at it

707: every 2.35 seconds

707: just in case something happens.

JAEHEE: 2.35 seconds?

707: Ya.

707: But just looking at the screen

707: makes me so frustrated…

KALI: I knew it! I felt as if you were looking at me every 2.35 seconds!!!

707: We even locked our eyes once, right?!

707: You seemed to be going to the convenience store earlier.

KALI: I was! Food resupply time.

JAEHEE: ….Isn’t it a bit strange to communicate through CCTV?

707:

707: I want to go and protect her myself!

707: Can’t believe there’s nothing I can do…!!!

KALI: It’d be so great if you could come! Pretty lonely here

JAEHEE: Unfortunately, Seven says he’s busy… What can you do.

707: Ya…

707: I can’t give you a body guard… and I can’t go…

707: So…

707: I’d like to make a body guard robot for you…

707: But I guess that would take a long time. T_T

JAEHEE: you could simply finish your work for the agency and catch the hacker.

707: Body guard robot…

JAEHEE: Or, go there yourself to protect her…

707: Maybe you’d like that…

JAEHEE: ;;;

KALI: I, for one, welcome our robot overlords

707: Ooh!

707: Me too!

707: All hail, B.B. Rodríguez!

JAEHEE: I see you two have managed to find another thing you both have in common;

707: Because we’re the awesomest!

JAEHEE: Are you listening to me?

707: To be honest, I was planning on creating a small watch dog just to test it out,

JAEHEE: You are not listening to me.

707: I’m not confident enough to send it to ur place.

707: 

KALI: Ermahgerd~! SO KEWT~!!

707: really!?

707: I’m glad you like it lololol

JAEHEE: It is cute.

707: Ms. Vanderwood did tell me to just work

707: if I have the time for that….

JAEHEE: I completely agree with that…

JAEHEE: But it does seem to have turned out nicely. It’s very cute.

707: +_+

707: Right? It’s so cute!

707: So lovely~

707: So adorable~

JAEHEE: Yes… You could almost sell it.

707: It spits fire from its mouth. Do you think the government will approve? ^^

KALI: Growlithe has come to life! 

707:

707: OMG YOU LIKE POKEMON TOO?!

707: So perfect...

JAEHEE: …No, I doubt you’d be able to sell it.

JAEHEE: You might actually go to jail for creating such a hazardous product. ^^

707: ;;;

707: But still, isn’t it pretty?

707: I thought

707: it would be perfect for Kali

707: while making it.

707: Since both of them are cute…!

KALI:

707: Haha.

707: You caught my cute side!

707: I feel like my great secret has been revealed;;;

JAEHEE: Okay…;;;

JAEHEE: Well;

JAEHEE: I’m jealous that you’re the only one who knows how Kali looks like.

707: Haha…

707: B

707: U

707: T…

707: Even if I make things like this,

707: it won’t help Kali….

707:

JAEHEE: Yup.

KALI: It does help! Growlithe, use flamethrower! 

KALI:

707: it also might explode because of the gas tank T_T

KALI: Explosions be no bueno.

707: I should create a cute version that doesn’t spit out fire lolol

JAEHEE: Why don’t you simply work if you have the time?;;.

707: Yeah…

707: I should just work…

707: Why did I do that??

JAEHEE: Because sometimes you simply cannot work.

707: ...

KALI: Sounds like you need to clear that noggin. Go take a walk or something.

JAEHEE: I agree.

JAEHEE: People do say that you should take your time the more anxious you are.

707: The more anxious you are… smell your time.

JAEHEE: It’s take your time.

707: okie dokie

707: I’m gonna clear my head a bit

707: and come back.

KALI: I’ll be waiting for you! Cheer up!

KALI: 

707: Yup!

707: I’ll be keeping an eye on you even while I’m taking a break

707: so don’t worry!

JAEHEE: …Is that really taking a break though?

707: It is.

707: See u later!

JAEHEE: Good bye.

<707 has left the chatroom>

JAEHEE: But…

JAEHEE: How did he manage to create that robot in just a few hours? ;;

JAEHEE: No one can deny that Seven is a genius.

KALI: Hacking and engineering genius. Amazeballs! 

JAEHEE: I think if he really puts his mind to it… he’ll create the body guard robot in a couple of days…;;

JAEHEE: Besides, he made it just for you, Kali….

JAEHEE: He is being very kind.

JAEHEE: Luciel may seem quite ridiculous

JAEHEE: because he likes to joke around all the time

JAEHEE: but sometimes even I get surprised at what a genius he is.

JAEHEE: Oh.

JAEHEE: I’d like to talk more…

JAEHEE: but Mr. Han’s meeting will end soon.

JAEHEE: I must go.

JAEHEE: Anyways… Please take care of yourself, Kali.

KALI: Hurry and go! I hope he doesn’t mention anything related to cats!

JAEHEE:

JAEHEE: You understand how I feel.

JAEHEE: Thank you.

JAEHEE: Good bye.

<Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom>

Kali opened the picture of the “Growlithe” robot and stared up at it in utter disbelief. Who the hell was this man? Not even her uncle who built things that went into space could put a robot together that quickly. And one that could be used as a weapon? Shit. The Seekers needed someone like him badly. She needed someone like him badly. No one had ever made her smile and laugh quite as much and with a brain like that, Seven could probably stop the demon in its tracks. And he was super cute. Ugh... why was she thinking about that? People like her didn’t deserve cute, smart, funny guys nor deserve to be loved. It wasn’t like they’d even met yet. Already she was beginning to suspect that the face in the chatroom was a mask. Probably a lot like her own. But what was it hiding? As if her train of though was a summoning spell, the phone started vibrating; Seven’s picture filling the screen. The sudden call was startling and Kali bobbled the phone in her suddenly clumsy hands. Ninja reflexes a total fail as the heavy piece of technology smashed its screen against her nose.

K: “Fuck... Hello?”

S: “Oh! Potty mouth!”

K:“I dropped the phone on my face.”

S: “You... dropped...” *hysterical laughter*

K: “Not funny. That shit hurts.”

S: “Sorry.. sorry. You ok?”

K: “My pride is mortally wounded.”

S: “Oh do I need to kiss it better?”

K: “Please.”

S: *sharp intake of breathe* “Oh... hahaha. Don’t tease me. My heart can’t take it. Anyways, what did you want to talk about?”

K: “Umm... you called me and rudely knocked my phone out of my hands.” 

S: “Oh so now it’s my fault your hands can’t hold a phone?”

K: “I’ll have you know I’m good with my hands.”

S: “Phew. Is it getting hot in here? ...Hey Kali, I’m really sorry about the hacker. I promise I’ve reinforced the security system and am hunting him down.”

K: “Do I need to come over there and spank you until you understand?” 

S: *unintelligible muttered words* 

K: “What did you say, Seven?”

S: “Ahhh... nothing, nothing. I’m going to take your advice and have a date with my babies. If anything happens...”

K: “I know I know, send you a meme.”

S: “A call, Kali. A call.”

K: “Call? You can use phones to call people?” *laughter* “Drive safe, Seven.”

S: “Laterz.”

Seven ran his hand through his hair, staring at the dark screen of his phone. Had “yes, please” really came out of his mouth at her spanking joke? Thank God, Jesus, and Buddha she hadn’t heard. This woman was different than any other he’d met in his entire life. A mixture of kindness and sarcasm with just a hint of dirty that was all too intriguing. Someone who appreciated his jokes and gave back as good as she got. Nothing in her dossier had prepared him for this. Kali was beginning to get under his skin and that was dangerous.

Groaning, his attention turned back to the screens that lit up the bunker. Better get back to work before Vandy starting waving around the taser again. His babies would have to wait. Too many people were relying on him. She was relying on him, trusting him, and he was terrified what would happen if he failed her.

#mysme fanfic #chat #2.35 seconds #phone call #day 5

[tofusoups]

omg ur so valid i'm the same i've only actually consistently listened to svt ever since i started listening to kpop LOL. my first mv was mansae too,, just a year later lmaooo. also like u i saw my boy (jeonghan) fell in love n he's still my bias to this day but now i am also dino biased too 🤩 the fact that u got into him from his mushroom hair is so funny omg oh another svt q! what’s ur fave song/era of theirs :0 mm also what other artists do u like! oh n also thoughts on their cb? (1/3)

also yeah i think when i did the age range thing last time i kept it as any age n my anon n the person i anoned for were nice i liked them a lot but like.. it's not the same as doing it w someone the age u know? also the amt of parallels we have is so funny my carat anon last time didn’t reveal themselves either LOL i promise i will reveal myself though i got u 😌 ur art is amazing omg i was honestly shocked urs was literally identical to the ref i would not b able to tell them apart (2/3)

i’m so excited for u i will be cheering u on if u do get around to drawing this summer 🤩 omg pls i will b so excited if u draw me Anything i will treasure it forever 😭 also pls don’t worry abt talking too much i have the same problem i wrote like. a whole essay back to my anon’s one ask n it was literally just one question ;;;; (also a little obvious since i have 2 literally split this up into 3 pts omfg…) (3/3) - carat anon (should b fine i think? or maybe 🍊 bc i love oranges LOL)

this is gonna be long BHSJBJF hope u enjoy my 🍊 🥺

OK the fact we have sm in common <3 helllooo im so excited to talk to u more seriously!!! T_T thats so funny tho lmfaoo yeah like i listen to other groups sometimes but ive never gotten into them as much as 17 like... ive been phasing out of being a “kpop stan” (that sounds so funny) for a bit, like im definitely not as big of a fan as i was at like... 15 LMAO i was cray zee.... anyways my POINT is that even tho im not into kpop as much anymore 17 will literally always be there for me like ill see a photo of a member and b like.. “oh.... right i love these boys so much 🥺 AND their songs bang...” and relisten to like ... boys be or going seventeen.

JEONGHANNN !!! jeonghan in mansae was a cultural reset like him n mingyus hair i loved the most in mansae.... i really miss his long hair tbh im always annoyed thinking about how he never has longer hair bc of all the fans being weird and making him out to be a mom (or just making him more feminine bc he had the hair) like stop <3 thanks! whats ur fave looks of his? like eras or styles that rlly stuck w u :O also dino? a king a legend in every way he really is the future of kpop as carats are saying lately... 

hmm my fave eras of 17.. i feel like i tend to like the older eras bc i got into them at that time.. n i think their songs were better tbh 😌 Boys be has a big place in my heart bc it was my first kpop album n i got it for my birthday, i remember listening to mansae on my ride to school every day like it really was such a big part of my life its crazy kinda reflecting on it rn u know...🥺 i also really love pretty u + aju nice  bc that was the era i Witnessed? like i watched the live performance of pretty u with my friend n we were both crying akjdkajdks. other than that i loved going seventeen era AND oh my ... i kinda fell out of 17 after clap/teen, age bc i just wasnt interested in much of the music anymore.... but then oh my/YMMD happened and rocked my world <3 

i literally listed like 4 eras omfg. i cannot choose one im sorry KJDKSFKSFHA 😭

hmm other artists as in like kpop or in general? for kpop idk i listen to loona sometimes... NCT day6.. a lot more kindie like hyukoh and adoy! in general i listen mainly indie/alt and R&B, if u want i can show u some of my recent playlists ^__^ id love to see some music ur into as well (kpop or nonkpop :] ) 

i havent really listened to their CB LMAOOO im a fake carat... i mean i know left and right bc of all the vids baha and i just watched it randomly the morning it released but other than that idk much!! i do like the look of this one it kinda reminds me their An Ode era? what did u think of the CB? do u have any songs u rec from the album??

n OMG stop why am i excited for u to reveal urself hehe!! ok ik i was sad i didnt get to see my anon reveal themselves but i also didnt reveal myself to the person i was sending anons to KSJKFSF i kinda forgot to send asks. and they were also a kpop fic blog and not to b rude but i wasnt into that... sdkjjfk 

and thank u so much that means a lot T_T i do enjoy drawing w refs bc i feel like i can focus on the colors and understand anatomy and light a bit more... but i wanna try doing freehand to strengthen my style too ToT

N LMFAOOO no its totally fine i enjoy the multiple asks but im realizing how long this reply is im SO sorry ... this is longer than some of the essays i wrote in school <3 fjskajfdksfhk

#🍊 anon #LOVE that emoji i think that is so cute and so fitting for u! <3 #Anonymous #i keep trying to put a read more bc this is so long . sorry mutuals <3 #I FEEL LIKE ITS NOT WORKING THO? i hate tumblr .

[mysme-hcs]

Heya! What about MC getting really insecure about her appearance and falls into clinical depression. Sorry im just having a bad day about my face T_T. Sending Lots of love! Xoxo

Heya; I’m sorry I couldn’t get to this until today, I hope you’re feeling a bit better since you’ve sent in the ask!! I get really insecure about my face too ;-; Sending lots of love to you too

This got long very quickly so I only did a few characters, I hope that’s okay :)

V-he’s an artist who photographs beautiful things, of course that made you insecure-when you told him how you were feeling, you weren’t expecting him to cry-V just gets right into it, taking you to a mirror and pointing out each tiny thing he likes about you-then all of the sudden he’s showing you pictures of paintings??? like yeah babe those are great but it’s not helping???-”The painting wouldn’t be complete without the small details you see,” he explains with a giant smile on his face. “the small details make up a big picture, love. Just because you don’t like the big picture right now doesn’t mean there aren’t still beautiful things about it.”-Somehow he always knows the right words to say and what to do when you’re sad or upset-Because it helps him clear his head, he drags you out of the house and onto a walk-he promises the clean air will make you feel at least a tad better-V also packed a picnic from scratch with all of your favorite foods-the next hours are spent under the shade of a pretty tree, talking about life and cuddling-if you still don’t feel better or want some space, he’ll respect that-all in all V just wants to see you happy

Zen:-he’s absolutely devastated-after over twenty years of hating himself and his appearance, he’s heartbroken that you have to experience the same thing as well-At first, he thought it was just casual insecurity.-“What are you talking about? I think you’re too harsh on your body. You’re beautiful enough so don’t worry.” actual quote from the game bc Zen is such a pure bean-but he sees your face and can see that you’re absolutely serious about it-”Jagiya, come here.”-Zen is quick to keep you away from your mirrors and hands you your favorite outfit even if it doesn’t match -he seriously believes that the key to stop feeling insecure at least for a few hours is to feel comfortable & good-he tries to take you to the gym at first bc that’s how he feels good omg Zen please no-he helps you start a bubble bath and relax for a bit (if you want he’ll even jump in with you), then takes you shopping-Whatever you want, he’ll get in a heartbeat-it doesn’t matter if it’s a subtle change in your appearance/shopping or just a large pizza, if you want it he’s got it-Zen’s almost at Jumin’s level with the spoiling you sometimes-Your happiness is way more important than his acting, it’s canon that he’d stop acting just for you-and if that’s not an indication that he’d give up his entire life or do anything to make you happy…idk what is-”Babe, please don’t hate the body I love so much, okay?”-he knows it’s not that easy, but he’ll run you through the things he learned while he was insecure and would try to help you through it the best he canYoosung-You both were supposed to head to some family event that his mom was holding-You’ve never met his family before so it was a huge deal, you absolutely had to look your best-but as you got ready and looked in the mirror, all you could see was your insecurities-your heart sunk deep in your chest and begun to ache but you ignored it, getting dressed and brushing your hair anyway-Yoosung can tell what’s wrong almost immediately-he knows what you act like on a daily basis and This Is Not It despite you telling him you’re okay-he straight up drags you back to bed for a nap/cuddles, dressed up and all-you try to convince him to get ready and leave you behind, but Yoosung physically cannot do that-he can’t leave you while you’re so sad, it’s against everything he stands for as a boyfriend-the Men of Monogamy club taught him what to do in these situations, you better believe he’ll use all of the techniques-Cuddles? Absolutely.-he covers your entire face in kisses and makes you laugh in any way he can-”Don’t say that. Even if you feel bad I’ll always be there for you. Make sure to come to me so I can help you next time, okay?”-he tells you his main goal in life is to make sure you’re protected and happy-Rika was special to him as well and suffered from depression among other illnesses so he just doesn’t want you to feel like you have to get through this alone-he Noogles “self-care things” and takes a quick trip to the store-he read that doing puzzles and crafts can help take your mind off of insecurity and that having a mini-spa day is a good way to help you feel better physically-he doesn’t know what kind of skin/body care products to get so he just gets whatever looks nice-Yoosung even paints your nails for you, even though it looks horrible and the polish is all over the sides of your nails and cuticles-once he’s certain you’re feeling a bit better, he takes you back into the bathroom and makes you point out every flaw you think you have-he tells you how much he loves every single part of you, no matter how ugly you think your flaws are-nothing about you is ugly in Yoosung’s eye(s) tbh???

Jaehee-you helped her so much and showed her happiness, she wants to return the favor-she likes to curl up on the couch and binge on sweet foods so she’ll make an entire day out of it-the two of you buy new fluffy & matching pajamas and an insane amount of junk food-Jaehee just really loves movies in general so she has around a hundred of them in all different genres-she won’t complain about anything you want to watch, instead she’ll just hold you in her arms and stroke your hair, cooing about how beautiful you are-when she thinks you’re asleep she smiles and kisses your forehead, telling you how much you mean to her-she has extreme insecurities too but it’s all because of you that she was able to overcome most of them-honestly Jaehee just hopes to do the same for you, to be someone you can lean on and trust

#jihyun kim #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #zen #mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanon #mysme #mysme headcanon #v #hyun ryu #mystic messenger v #mystic messenger yoosung #mystic messenger jaehee #mystic messenger zen

[yandereshit]

Heres a MYSME request like you wished lol RFA members reacting to their S/O leaving them? Im a shit for angst.

HOW CAN YOU DO THISWHY DO YOU DO THISWHY ARE YOU LIKETHIS

Yes you’re a shit.

I mean, I love angst too but an angst deserves a happy end!Like… UGH T_T

Okay, I’m gonna do this T_T I won’t do for Jaehee though,because I realized that I don’t know her personality well enough toeven guess her reaction… I completely cannot imagine how would sheact. But I’m going to go through her route soon and then I willedit this post and fill the gap.

So… here it goes:

◄ Zen ►

He doesn’t understand.

It can’t just get to him, for a moment he’s just dumbfounded.

And then he starts to ask. Why? What happened? Did he dosomething…? You weren’t a perfect couple, of course, butperfection doesn’t exist in this world. You argued a bit once a while, sometimes forgot about each other… It just happened. He wouldn’t ever think it was that bad for you.

Perfection doesn’t exist…?

Bullshit. 

He’s always thought of himself as of someone perfect.

But here you were, shining and filled with good he always desired.You were perfect in every single inch of your body.

Yet you left him. Because… he was worse…?

Of course he was… How could he even think that he’d be goodenough for you…

He doesn’t want to lose you. But he doesn’t want you to sufferbecause of being with him…

He’s torn apart, so he keeps asking the same questions over andover again, hoping that it’d make him at least a bit more aware asto why.

He tries to carry on, but he can’t. He’s not ableto focus on his work or to act as cherfully as before. 

There’s a paining burned gap in the centre of his heart.

“Princess… …No, I won’t stop calling you that… Nomatter what you do, you’ll be a princess… even if I was supposedto become a pauper. Please… reconsider it. I want you to be happy,I truly do…”

◄ Jumin ►

He respects you.

There’s nothing he can do, other than to respects your will.

In quiet, emotionless voice he just asks: “Is thereanything I could do to change your mind…?”

He has this slight glimpse of hope, but then you say that there’snothing.

You’ve decided to leave him and he can’t do anything about it.

He used to control other people a lot, even when he didn’t wantit. He used to know if something’s about to happen. But he didn’tnotice. How could he not notice…?

He’s wrecked inside, but he lets you do whatever you want. Hehas to restrain himself from forcing you to stay. He knows that’swhat he desires right now - to make you stay with him forever. But he respectsyou. He truly respects you.

All the women are the same, he used to say. 

He knows that you’re not like the others, but he can’t justput it together. 

You were supposed to stay by his side forever, so why did youleft…?

He loses it. He completely loses it. Not even his Elizabeth 3rdcan help him now. Never in his life has he felt so lonely.

He knows that he’ll never meet anyone like you and he doesn’tcare anymore.

He stops to use the RFA messenger, acts as if the C&R didn’texisted. He’s completely wasted.

“I have no right to say that… but if I could, I wouldkeep you here forever so that you wouldn’t escape from me. Althoughright now, it doesn’t matter anymore… I would never want to hurtyou like this. It’s your choice… Only yours.”

◄ Yoosung ►

He tries to say somthing, but his voice creaks down and hestays quiet.

He’s having so hard time, trying his best to keep his composure up. It seems so impossible right now, but he can’t show how weak he feels because of this…

So he smiles… and it’s the most devastated smile you’ve ever seen. It’s anything but happy.

“W-wait…”

You shouldn’t do this… You shouldn’t leave him…

“Wait… don’t leave… p-please…”

But you do and he can’t help it.

He’s alone now. Abandoned.

He falls. He completely loses himself. He feels just like a few years ago, when Rika passed away. No… He feels even worse, because you were supposed to be his and his only.

What can he do now? He believed that you’d be always by his side, but now he has nothing. 

Games? Screw them.

RFA? He doesn’t want to look at the chat as long as you’re still there.

It hurts, it hurts so much. Too much. He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want anything. He’s not even sure if he wants to live anymore.

“Even since Rika left, I haven’t feel so… bad. Was that wrong… to hope for us? I don’t know what happened, I don’t know anything anymore… but how bad must I be to deserve the most important people always leaving me like that…?”

◄ Seven ►

“…” He stares at you for a while, his face emotionless. “Good” he speaks and turns around, as if he was the one who leaves.

He would never try to stop you. He always insisted on you leaving him and now you do. That’s how it should be. He doesn’t deserve anything more.

So why can’t he accept this? Why is he feeling so… empty?

He shuts his emotions now. He let them slip for a moment, for the mere while he let himself believe that he can be happy with you by his side…

He can’t.

He’s an agent. He must do what he’s supposed to. He will die without anyone noticing. No one will ever remember him.

How could it happen that he doesn’t want to live like this…?

Yet, he has no right to refuse.

He’s an agent, nothing more.

On the chat, he acts as if nothing happened. He tries his best to be like before, to once more become the person he was before he met you.

He keeps conviencing himself on that’s how it should be.

But the urge to hurt himself over and over is too strong for him to just ignore it…

“Huh…? … What are you saying, I’m fine… I told you that you should stay away… It’s a shame that you realized it so late, I shouldn’t have let you… like me… It’s not as if you’d worry about me now anyways… You’ve made your choice and that’s the best you could do… Just forget about me…”

#mystic #messenger #mysme #mm #cheritz #scenario #headcanon #leave #abandon #saeyoung #choi #luciel #seven #707 #yoosung #kim #zen #hyun #ryu #jumin #han #yandereshit

[obnoxityzen]

Why I feel like an outcast manga reader (a very personal opinion)

Eh. I am actually an outcast wherever I am.

I am weird, antisocial, conceited, insensitive, immature. In case you haven’t noticed, my blog name actually indicates something about me.  Hehe.

But, you know, as I said in my bio… manga is my only consistent hobby. But I still don't see it is easy for me to feel like I know much about it too.

I once talked to a friend about how when I was younger, my school friends would say I am weird because I read manga. It was not weird really. It’s just, not a lot of people around me read manga.

Anyway, my friend said that I should start writing a blog about manga. Or find people somewhere to talk about manga.

Oh I did find some. On Tinder. And OKcupid. Lol. And elsewhere. But I found myself stuttering on the very basic question: “What kind of manga do you like?” I don’t know what to answer. Or when I did answer, the conversation stopped just at that because we could not find anything in common. Or perhaps it was just my social anxiety.

But I tried to check tumblr, reddit, or twitter accounts about manga.

Or randomly recommend manga titles to my friends when I feel like they can relate to the stories. But I still feel like an outcast.

Here is why:

People around me don’t like manga!

My siblings actually read manga. Well, there are reasons why people develop certain kinds of hobby and usually, it started from home. But when people grow up, high chance they also drift away from home. Jobs, marriages, the illusion of independent adult life.

Most of people I meet don’t read manga. Here are their reasons: “I don’t like reading books with pictures.” “I don’t read.” “Aren’t those for children?” “I don’t know how to read it. I finished a whole book and thought how weird it was… but turns out I read it from behind. (And I don’t want to try again).” “…Japanese are weird.”

That last one, I think some people are just not accustomed to the fact that there are different kinds of cultures out there.

I only read completed manga

I used to love reading ongoing series too. When I started working, however, I had so little time at hands and I found it difficult to keep tracks on series I were following.  I went to bookstores only to find that I missed a few volumes of some titles, and those volumes were no longer in the market. There are even cases when I remember following some series in, like, 10 years after I read then the latest chapter.

I have another reason, tho. And I think this is actually common for fellow manga readers: I cannot handle the wait. Moreover, it is not once or twice that manga I had been following went into a hiatus. Or, in case of scanlated manga, the scanlators dropped the titles. An no one is interested to pick them up. In those cases, I feel like I am hanging on a cliff. And someone brutally steps on my hand.

I don’t do fangirling

I might be wrong. But I think one of the recipes of mingling into manga communities are by associating yourself into certain groups of fans.

I have nothing against fanboying or fangirling. If I could, I would do it too. But my most favorite manga is usually the latest manga I read. I am ever-changing.

I want to be obsessed, too. But I lack loyalty and my interests wane way quickly. I tend to forget titles or characters in few days after I finished reading them.

When I was younger, I thought I like Westlife. But after a few months, my friend asked me whether I like Westlife. I said I don’t. She asked me whether I like Boyzone. Or ‘Nsync. Or Backstreet Boys. I said I don’t.

She, annoyed, asked for the final time, “THEN WHO THE HELL DO YOU LIKE?”

I was like, silently, asking myself, “SHIT, YEAH! WHO THE FUCK DID I ACTUALLY LIKE? I THOUGHT I LIKED THEM ALL!”

Even I got confused

I am failed to become a fangirl right at the doorsteps.

I no longer read shounen and shoujo

I once stopped reading manga for around five years. Not completely. I still read now and then, but I just could not dedicate my time to reading. Especially with so few people around me know about manga, I had so few reasons to read.

When I came back to manga, my taste has somewhat changed. My views on life has somehow altered and this influences my reading preferences. I tried to pick some shounen or shoujo titles I used to love but, I found them so hard to relate.   

“What, that does not make sense!” “Didn’t guy just try to rape you? Why are you so forgiving?” “Why are you falling in love to a jerk like that?” “Seriously? You let those people trample on you? Why don’t you fight back?” I was baffled.

The thing is, shoujo and shounen seem to dominate online manga forums or conversation about manga in real life.  I think if I did not stop reading back then, I too would still love to read them.

I don’t even watch anime!

Yap. I am one of those annoying people who won’t watch a movie before reading the book (if I am interested in the book, of course). But I don’t think the same reason of me not watching a movie applies with me not watching anime. It is just a matter of preference, I guess. If I have time to watch some moving pictures on screens I prefer watching ordinary Hollywood or world movies.

I am not familiar with Japanese and Korean terms

Nani? I don’t understand a thing. Ottoke… T_T

I am too whiny, too picky

Yes! If you read point 1 to 6 you will understand what I mean. I am quick to dislike. I am too rigid. I complain a lot. And I might have not tried that hard. I can always try watching anime or learning foreign languages, but I do not strive hard to do it (time constraints, tbh).

Ehehe.

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I do believe not everything I said is right. Perhaps, nothing is right. But to be honest, ignoring over 1000 words I poured into this writing, I am not actually bothered. For me, what important is loving what I love. Knowing what I don’t. I might say that I find some genres are not relatable, but since everyone is living a life different from others, I fully understand that “relatable”, just like other adjectives, is subjective.

By the end of the day, I do understand one thing: If I have to define a thing about myself, it is that I don’t like to be defined. That is perhaps why I feel like an outcast everywhere, or at the other hand, why I feel like I can talk about everything with almost everyone.

I genuinely think that everyone has the right to be anything they like, as long as it doesn’t harm others. You can be an otaku. A fujoshi. Whatever. You can be nothing too. And nothing is wrong with it.

#manga #otaku