#anyway it's 1 am i need. to go to sleep. my brain is broken

[stone-stars]

actually it's. interesting to me the way clerics and paladins exist in naddpod. because divine magic isn't really ever about the divinity of it. it's about the devotion.

i'm going to loop back to beverly bc he's the most classic paladin naddpod has. but like. alright. you have erlin, who becomes a cleric not to serve pelor but to help people. he's so dedicated to bev, he wants to help the people he loves, and that's the way to do it. because he's not strong in the traditional sense, but he can be strong this way.

you have fia, who's a cleric because of her religious upbringing but mostly calls upon the trickster for her magic and if you really think about it the thing she is most devoted to isn't the trickster at all but irina. you have tarragon who becomes a cleric in repentance for her days as a soldier, but all of her cleric stuff manifests in dedication to her friends, to the bond they share.

and you have callie, who-- once she's freed from her tie to mothership-- has a paladin oath that is about her dedication to the wild and the serpents and her promise to help bring them home. her belief in and love and hope for them. and the idea that if she does she might redeem the memory of her mother.

and like. bev. who is very tied to pelor and the light. his oath morphs and changes with his worldview, and the way his powers manifest reflects what he cares about. in the end, when pelor is dead, he doesn't swear himself to another god. he swears himself to bahumia. the thing he's devoted to, the thing he's trying to protect.

it's like... divine casters aren't magical because some god chose them. it's because they chose to care. it's because they chose to look at something and say i am going to care about this so much that it becomes a source of strength.

#naddpod #it's very funny that i put erlin with a bunch of pcs here but like #a) sunny's influence #b) he is probably the most prominent cleric/paladin npc #except thiala but fuck her (lol) #anyway. thinking thoughts. #it's no wonder a lot of divine magic is healing #it's about love #hanbles #anyway it's 1 am i need. to go to sleep. my brain is broken

[bonny-kookoo]

Yoongi: 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐬 (1) 🔞

In which everything he always wanted has already been there from the start. He just needs to make that final step.

Tags/Warnings: Vampire!Yoongi, Human!Reader, mentions of 'being high' (drug usage in a way), friends to lovers, blood (duh), red haired Yoongi, Listen I am Jungkook focused but I will put Vampire Yoongi on the menu and you'll better finish your plate

Additional Chapter Warnings: blood high= a rush vampires get after consuming blood, nothing graphic though, wet dream, reader is kinda innocent ngl, sexual tension, fluff

Length: short/mid

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He doesn't know how he got into this situation, memories fizzy and unclear. But what he does know is that he's desperate.

You're squirming underneath his hands, skin a blur, but he somehow still feels it warm and soft. Maybe you're simply so beautiful his mind can't comprehend it- Brain short-circuiting at the sight of your bare body beneath his own. He's hard, dripping with precum already, embarrassingly so- desperate.

But he can't seem to push himself inside.

He's rather opting to rub his painfully hard length over your soft stomach, needy for friction as he gasps out your name under his breath. You're begging for him to do something, anything, and he wants to comply, hell, he wants to ram himself so deep into your cunt until the only thought left in your head is him, him, him.

But he can't.

"Yoongi.." you call out to him, and he wants to answer, what's to move, but nothing is helping. He's caught in the moment as if hands are holding him hostage. He wants to make love to you, fuck you stupid, something in between or both at once- but there's no control over his body present. "Yoongi.!" You say again, more urgently, and he almost sobs to himself because what is happening?

"Yoongi!"

His eyes open, and the first thing he notices is how sweaty he is, heart pounding in his chest. "Thank God you woke up, I was worried." You tell him, sitting on the floor in front of the couch he's been napping on, hands on his shoulder. "Did you have a nightmare?" You wonder, and at that he swallows, eagerly getting into a sitting position with the blanket thankfully covering his still throbbing length.

"Yeah, something like that."

You're currently living with him while your apartment is being renovated- a broken gas pipe having almost hospitalized you a week prior. It had freaked him out to the core, a new fear unlocked it seems as he feels uneasy even considering you moving back into your place.

What if they don't fix it properly? What if you go to sleep and never wake up? What if it breaks again?

"I just wanted to tell you I'll be grocery shopping now." You say, getting up to walk towards the front door, slipping into your boots. "Do you need anything?"

"No." He shakes his head. "You can take my card- it's in my wallet." He tells you, running a hand through his hair.

"No, it's fine!" You smile, zipping up your jacket. "Take it as a thank you for your hospitality." You grin, before you open the door. "I'll be back soon!" You call out, before the door closes.

And he waits.

He watches the small clockwork of his wristwatch count the seconds, one round, then another, then another.

"Fuck it." He scoffs to himself, getting up to walk into the bathroom. A cold shower won't help him, granted, he doesn't want one either. He thought living with you would be easy- you're low-maintenance, never complain, you eat almost everything, you're quiet and you work most of the day anyway.

But fuck. He did not take into account how oblivious you are.

From your shorts to wearing sports bras as acceptable tops around the house, you're seriously making his life hell on earth. It's been a week, and he's already almost ran into you half naked- bare back and glimpse of the side of your chest still clear as day in his memories. He's found your panties shamelessly thrown into the hamper with his own clothes, one pair clearly stained with clear and still glistening arousal yesterday- and he blames today's dream on that.

He wonders what had gotten you to the point of ruining your underwear like that.

As he steps into the shower, he likes to believe that it was him, yesterday when you were cooking together. He'd stood behind you, had helped you cut some vegetables with his hands over yours, looking over your shoulder. Maybe you liked how domestic it was? Maybe you were having thoughts about being bent over the kitchen counter, just like the idea is spreading into his mind right now?

Or maybe it was when you were sitting on the couch together, watching some random movie because the wifi had died, leaving you with nothing but cable TV. Thinking about it, he really could've just slipped his hands underneath your shirt. He'd seen your nipples through the soft fabric, all perked up, proving your lack of underwear.

Maybe if he had made his move yesterday he wouldn't be standing in the shower right now, one arm against the wall while the other desperately strokes his cock.

He shouldn't be doing this.

It feels awfully wrong to think about you during such a thing, and yet, he can't get himself to really stop it until he actually finishes, cum getting washed down the drain together with all of the emotions clouding his better judgement. He knows this isn't right. He needs to do something about it.

But you're so sweet- how can he know that you won't say yes to him just because you don't want to hurt his feelings?

When you return back from getting groceries, you're painfully oblivious to anything being out of the ordinary. You don't question why he showered, you don't ask if anything is wrong- you simply start cooking, before you sing quietly to yourself, swaying on the spot. "Ah, Yoongi!" You suddenly say turning around towards him. "I know what I want for my birthday now!" You say, and he raises his eyebrow.

"Your birthday was four weeks ago." He comments, and you nod.

"And you said I can have whatever I want once I figured it out!" You remind him, his exact words being exactly those. You'd struggled to tell him what he could give you as a present- and so he'd given you nothing but a promise.

"What is it then?" He wonders, hoping it might be something silly like a kiss.

"I wanna go on a trip with you!" You chirp, and he's confused. "A camping trip! You say you like those too, so I wanna go on one with you." You explain, turning around to stir what's in the pot. "Doesn't have to be now, or tomorrow- I just wanna. You know. Spend time with you.." you mumble the last past, not sparing him a glance.

And maybe that's his sign.

The only way to be sure is to wait if you reach out to him first. It's the only solution to this problem there is. And maybe, just maybe, you're holding out your hand right now for him to potentially grab onto.

"Alright, let's do it then." He nods, and you turn with bright eyes and an excited smile.

"Oh, thank you! When do you think we could go?" You ask him innocently enough, tilting your head to the side. He's seen that look on your face so many times by now, and it's still dangerous.

So Yoongi smiles a little mischievously.

"When's the earliest you can get time off of work?"

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #vampire yoongi #yoongi fluff #yoongi smut #min yoongi imagines #yoongi imagines #yoongi imagine

[hx4x4enthusiast]

Two sparks and a drumming heart

Part 2 (1560 words)

Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/jorico/718189896394735616/two-sparks-and-a-drumming-heart-ship-optimus-x?source=share

Ship: Optimus x gender-neutral reader x Ratchet

Fic category: hurt/comfort

Trigger Warning: Self-Harm, Depression, mention of past suicide attempt,

“Speech”

-Commlink conversation-

kursiv=thought

Warmth covered my sore body and a gentle humming, greeted me as I slowly arose out of my sleep. Trying to wake up, as my still sleepy brain tries to piece together where I am and what happened. My inner thoughts get interrupted by a yawn, as I stretch myself, sit up and drowsily look around me. Looking around, I am greeted with the sight of a dark and seemingly empty room. Confused on how I got here, I realize that I sit on something, the same something I apparently slept on. My hands touch the comfortable warm surface, and it feels like several warm metal plate. Squinting my eyes, I spot two big masses, one on my right the other on my left. Letting my eyes drift over them two pairs of blue orbs greet me.

 “Woah what the hell.”

“It seems our little troublemaker is awake, Optimus.”

 One of the voices rumbles and it takes me a moment to realize that the big mass on my right is Ratchet.

 “Huh Ratchet?”

“Yes, that would be my designation.”

“Where am I, what happened, who is…”

 A yawn yet again interrupted my sentence. Ready to continue I was abruptly blinded by a bright light. I squirmed trying to hide back in the warm little cave I awoke in. That caused two deep rumbles to sound through the room. My little sleep cave was broken apart and I found myself lifted, blinking my eyes repeatedly helped adjusting to the bright light and I saw Ratchet lying on his helm propped up by one of his servos looking at me. Confused I turned around, only to be greeted by the sight of a red chest with big front windows. Craning my neck, I am met with the leader of the autobots himself gently looking down on me.

  “Good morning little archivist, I hope you had a peaceful recharge.”

“Huh uh yes I think so?”

“Well, that was an intelligent answer.”

“Ratchet, I love you but please shut up I am really not a morning person.”

“While I understand humans are, sensitive in the morning please do refrain from using unnecessary language, dear.”

“Ok, I am sorry Optimus.”

 The prime nodded contend with the answer given by the human in his palm. Before growing concerned looking to his conjux.

 -Ratchet, I fear our little archivist is going to remember soon what transpired yesterday.-

-I am aware Optimus, I have sedative on the ready they won’t send them to sleep but calm them down, do we can talk to them, tough I would like to use that as a last resort.-

-I understand. We can only hope that the “spark sound” as Miko called it, is enough to keep our little archivist calm.-

 Said human rearranged their sitting position. A sudden thought crossing his mind.

 “Hey guys, quick question, not that I didn’t enjoy sleeping here, cause like hands down, best sleep I had in a long time. But like how did I end up here and more importantly why am I here anyway.”

 I raked my brain trying to remember what happened yesterday, but my brain was freaking useless in the morning. Goddamit, I need coffee, with milk. Rubbing my temples, I start to remember feeling exhausted, both mentally and physically, yesterday. But the question is why? Looking up I see Ratchet and Optimus exchanging glance between each other and me. Like I am about to do run away or hurt myself. My thoughts come to an abrupt stop, memories of what happened yesterday flood my brain. A horrified expression overtakes my facial expression, I look up to Optimus and Ratchet slapping a hand over my mouth.

 Tears started streaming down my face as I realize what happened yesterday. Two pairs of arms gently circle around my body, giving me Anchor points, to ground myself. The embrace was gentle yet firm, helping me ease my anxiety. The mechs had mass displaced to be closer to me.

 “Shh, little spark, we are not mad at you.”

“You handled the situation as best as you could in that moment, there lies no fault in that.”

“You are strong, but you must be exhausted. You have been strong for a long time.”

“But you are safe now little archivist. We swore to protect you, be that from the Decepticons or the demons of your mind. That still holds true, know you’re not alone little spark.”

“Yes, I am. Everyone I care about always fucking leaves. I give so much, and I am so bloody tired of it. I make sure everyone eats and drinks enough, help with small injuries, listen when someone has a problem. But it is never enough people still leave. And when I trust someone enough to let them see the real me, to see that all of this is just a broken worthless fucking mess, they leave and I am left alone, having to put myself together again. I have managed to get through my entire life, I can take care of myself. Cause God forbit I am not able to meet the requirements set for me. So don’t you dare pretend that you care. “

 After basically pouring my heart out, I level Optimus with a heated glare. Screaming, defensive statements, judgemental and condescending speeches. That’s what I expected, that’s what always happen. I am a spoiled brat, I have an attitude problem, stop wailing I can’t understand you. Those are the things I hear every time I pour my heart out.

One servo reaches around my upper back and the other under my legs, and I am gently lifted into a big warm chassis. My head is just above Optimus spark chamber and I hear the gentle humming of his spark. Confused I just let Optimus do what he, well currently does. Ratchet carefully approaches me like one would a scared animal. Looking down on my hand and back up into my eyes, silently asking for permission to hold my hands. I nod and gently Ratchet takes my hands in his servos and holds them.

 “I apologise.”

 Wait did, did Optimus just apologise to me why, he didn’t do anything wrong, I screamed at him. I did something wrong I am the problem. Why aren’t they screaming at me why are they so gentle? This is not how this is supposed to go why aren’t they following the script.

 “We never wanted to make you feel like you needed to shoulder all of these Problems alone, little archivist.”

“What Optimus says holds truth, you were always there so we unintentionally always put all burdens on you. But you are still young, you shouldn’t have to shoulder everyone’s burdens and yours atop of that, alone.”

 I blinked switching between looking at Optimus and Ratchet. Both noticed my looks and gazed at me equally confused.

 “Hu, what.”

“Is everything alright, little spark?”

“Did we say something wrong?”

“You’re not following the script.”

 I mumbled not even realizing I said my thoughts out loud. It was Ratchets and Optimus time to look at me confused. This time Ratchet started speaking in a confused tone.

 “What script, little one?”

“You are not mad at me? You’re not gonna scream at me? Telling me that I am a cry-baby?”

“What? By Primus no who would do something like that. Emotional reaction no matter their nature a natural occurrence. Why would we or anyone berate you for that.”

 Ratchet huffed out unable to understand why anyone would say such harmful things. As a medic he was well aware that words can have an immense influence on a patient’s mental stability.

 “Little archivist, did you expected us to follow a certain pattern, and through our action we didn’t follow your expected script and now you are unsure on how to proceed and what to expect.”

 Optimus asked in a gentle tone, hitting the nail on the head. All I could do was nod.

 “I see. You can be sure that we will listen to you without judgement and help so that you may feel safe. We will not leave you alone.”

“Yeah, your stuck now with a self-sacrificing leader and a grumpy medic, little spark.”

 That caused a giggle to escape me, hearing Ratchet refer to himself as grumpy was pretty funny. Looking up again I am met with the gentle and relieved expressions on the two mechs faceplates.

 “Little archivist, we are aware that this is a lot to ask of you, but could you promise us something?”

“Come to us with your problems, we know that this is not easy, and we don’t expect you to immediately put all your trust in us. But maybe with small steps we get there.”

“If you have any thoughts or maybe already wounds from self-harm, please do come to one of us. You don’t need to say anything, just coming to us is appreciated.”

“I… I will try. I can… can’t make a… any promi…. promises but I will at least try.

“Thank you dear, that’s all we ask for.”

 Ratchet comes closer and I find myself yet again in a warm hug. Tough this time without any fear or hurt. I think for the first-time things may be alright, maybe I can finally trust someone. Though one thought sticks, I will not be alone anymore.

#transformers #optimus x reader #optimus #tfp optimus #optimus prime #fluff #hurt/comfort #ratchet #tfp ratchet #ratchet x reader #ratchet x optimus #tfp #transformers prime #maccadams

[confused-wanderer]

This Soap x Ghost ideas been floating in my head too long to wait for it to be drawn/written.

you must pay for your sins

A shot rings out, and the searing pain of metal entering flesh jolts Ghost awake.

His fingers have all but torn through the fabric of the bed, and he forces himself to let out a shuddering breathe.

Ghost desperately wished to dream. To sleep.

But his brain was wired to keep him on edge..so every shadow became an enemy, and every feeling of safety was met with the wave of terror asking him what he was doing wrong.

The hour hand of the clock hadn’t even moved since he closed his eyes, but no way in hell was he going to do that again. No- he needed to move.

Stop fucking pounding, he told his heart.

It flipped him the middle finger and beat faster

The damn thing never listened to him anyway.

Sighing, he got up and donned a mask Konig had gifted him. It was airy and soft, leaving his hair and eyes exposed to the world.

His plan was to move around the base till he wore himself out, or daylight broke. Whichever one came first. But as he looked outside, his breath hitched in his chest as he saw the familiar outline of a Mohawk figure lying still on the ground.

“Johnny?”

He was outside before he knew it, feeling his feet hit the ground before kneeling down and feeling for a pulse.

Please don’t be dead please don’t be dead

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING GHOST!”

A firm grip closed around the lieutenants wrist, and he glared daggers at the Scot.

“What the fuck am I doing?? Why are you lying out on the ground like a fucking dead man at 1 in the morning you bloody knobhead??”

He saw realisation of his idiotic decision dawn in Soap’s eyes, before he muttered something in Scottish and settled back down.

“ It’sa full moon L.T.! since electricity’s low the stars are breathtaking. Look for yerself why don’t ya?”

Ghost had every intention to bury Soap where he stood, but Johnnys eager eyes soon won him over and he took a sharp breath.

The stars were brilliant, floating in a beautiful blend of blue, purple and black.

“-is the Orion. That’s Pisces, and o’er there to yah right is Ursa Major.”

Ghosts eyes followed Johnnys hand, watching the fingers point to different twinkling lights that streaked across the horizon.

“Ah ye cant see them from there sir! Here, join me.”

Ah.. what the hell.

He positioned himself right beside the man, slowly letting his head fall back before jolting upright again.

“Alright sir?”

“Yeah.. just.. the grass keeps pricking me.”

There’s a rustling movement near him, before the silence is broken.

“Try again now lad.”

He gives up looking for what Johnny might’ve placed in the dark, and lowers his head.

The contact of warmth and soft skin makes him freeze. He can hear the Scot’s steady pulse through the arm cushioning him and looks up at the sky.

“Comfy?”

A stiff nod gets the picture across, and Johnny continues explaining the different stars. Their purpose in the universe, and their stories.

It’s all rather fascinating, Ghost admits. But as time moves on, he finds himself struggling to keep his eyes open. It doesn’t take long after for him to surrender, nodding from time to time so Johnny knows he’s listening.

Soaps voice was grounding. It was bliss to simply listen to him, enjoy the warmth and security of their bodies touching and doesn’t even notice when he slips under.

“- and that’s why it’s my favourite. What bout you Ghost?”

Receiving no response, Soap glances to his right, trying to search in the darkness for his lieutenants face.

The moon breaks out of the clouds, with light seeping into the grass they’re lying in, and as it falls on Ghost ,Johnnys breath hitches in his chest.

Somewhere along the lines, Ghost had fallen alseep. They were so close Johnny could see that Ghost was still facing him, as if he had fallen asleep watching him. His eyes were closed, accompanied by the steady rise and fall of his chest.

He looked so comfortable, so at peace that Johnny found himself smiling at the predicament he now found himself in.

A warm feeling started blossoming in the Scots chest, with butterflies stirring in his stomach of the fact that Ghost trusted him enough to be vulnerable. Trusted him to protect him when he was sleeping.

“Just as stubborn as their owner” Johnny muttered, using the hand that was cushioning Ghost’s head to gently brush the rogue strands falling over the man’s face.

The stars had long faded, but Johnny didn’t mind.

He was watching a view they didn’t dare compare to.

#ghost x soap #soapghost #Simon ghost riley #Johnny soap mactavish #ghost soap #simon riley x john mactavish #Simon x Johnny fluff #ghost x soap fluff #ghost soap headcanons

[mswyrr]

Below is the 2nd part of Chapter 1 of my Sydcarmy fic, copy/pasted due to AO3 problems and post word limit here on tumblr.

Complete info on the fic and the first part can be found here.

The L ride to his apartment was quiet. Sydney stared out the window and tried to let her brain go into sleep mode watching the lights of the city pass. Carmy was quiet too. A weary, compliant blankness had come over him since the alley. 

By the time they got inside his place, she was dead on her feet, yawning and nearly tripping over the new weight bench he’d bought. She frowned down at it and then glanced around, looking for anything else he’d changed. But there was nothing. It was the same miserable, empty bachelor pad. 

There wasn’t even any fun guy stuff like a PS4. Did he do anything but go to work and work out? 

His voice startled her out of her daze. “You look beat,” he said, his expression concerned, like she was the sick one here. “Why don’t you take the bed?”

Sydney waved her hand. “I’m not going to put you out of your bed–”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I sleep on the couch most nights anyway.”

“Um,” she was so exhausted she felt feverish, honestly. She swallowed hard. “Well. Okay. Yeah –” she nodded, feeling like a bobblehead, “okay.”

He put his hands out, like he had earlier, palms up, like he was trying to appear nonthreatening. “Can I help you with your coat?”

She made a face, shrugged. “Sure, I guess.” It wasn’t like she couldn’t do it herself, but it seemed important to him. She watched as he approached and then, ever so gently, slipped it off one arm and then the other. She felt his hand lightly touch her shoulder in a quick caress. 

It was only a moment, but the look on his face was so fucking sad. Like he’d shattered something precious. But that wasn’t true. Whatever she was, she wasn’t broken, and neither was their friendship. 

“Do you need a hug?” she asked. 

His eyes widened and then darted away. “You don’t – have to do that, Syd.” He turned and busied himself hanging her coat on a peg next to his own. “It’s okay.”

Syd stepped closer, touched his arm. He froze, staring at the coats on the wall in front of him. The muscle under her hand quivered, but he didn’t turn to let her embrace him. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she said, and just stepped up and put her arms around his waist from behind. He was, like, all muscle. He was tense too, like she was going to do something to him. It was kind of weird, actually. All hard with no squish.

She rested her head against his shoulder. “Come on, man,” she said, “come on, it’s okay.” She was so tired and her head hurt. 

He heaved a deep breath. She felt it move through him, expanding his rib cage under her arms and deflating again. “You’re never going to look at me the same way again,” he whispered. 

His head bowed, like he didn’t have the strength to hold it up anymore.

It tugged at her heart. She rubbed her head against his shoulder, nuzzling the hard muscle. She was revising her opinion of those really jacked guys in movies now: no squish at all was kind of sad. “You don’t know that,” she said. 

“How could you, after what I–” His whole body tensed up harder, a tremor passing through him. It was so strange. She could actually feel his mind getting all twisted up through his body. 

On impulse, she tightened her hug as hard as she could and the shuddering stopped. He relaxed, going limp under the pressure. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

“No,” he said. “It’s – nice.” There was a hint of wonder in his tone, which she took as a good thing. 

“Okay,” she said. She could feel her own arm muscles straining, but she kept her hold tight around him. She swayed a little, moving slowly sided to side, and he went along, moving with her. He felt better to hold now, more human and less like she was hugging a block of wood. 

She idly thought about how to get him to eat more and work out less. It was possible to take the obsessive gym rat stuff too far. It just wasn’t healthy. But she guessed that was true of a lot of things in his life. 

Still, somehow, it was going to be okay. She told herself this, testing the idea out as she used their gentle swaying to soothe herself as much as him. He was a mess, but people dealt with this stuff all the time, didn’t they? That’s why there were experts. There was a whole thriving economic sector of people who knew what to do about this. 

She sighed, linking her hands together in front of him to make holding on easier, and snuggled against the comforting warmth of him. He fit against her so nice, just the right size to cuddle. As they swayed, she relaxed enough that she started humming in time with their impromptu slow dance, something sweet working its way up from her memory. 

After a while, she realized it was one of her Dad’s old favorites, Sam Cooke’s “You Send Me.” She smiled against Carmy’s shoulder as she hummed. She loved that song. The melody was so warm and gentle.

Then the gears clicked over and she remembered: that was Mom and Dad’s song. Their song. The lyrics were extremely fucking romantic. The thought jolted her and she let go, stepping back and clearing her throat.

That was not a place she was going with her troubled guy friend right now. She hoped Carmy hadn’t recognized the tune. 

“Um. Yeah, so,” she was bobbing her head too much again, “goodnight.” 

He turned to look at her, confusion in his expression, but just nodded back at her. “Goodnight.” He gestured toward the back of the apartment. “You can have the bathroom first. There’s a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet.” 

He looked as uncomfortable as she felt.

Christ. Had he recognized the song? Or was the whole cuddling thing just too much?

“Thanks, that’s – that’s great. That’s, you know –” she felt like an idiot, “dental hygiene is important.” 

He raised his eyebrows, but just nodded again. Placating the freaky lady from work who had invited herself over to grope him and steal his bed. “Yeah,” he said. “Important.”

Sydney turned on her heel and tried not to look like she was making an escape as she fled to the bathroom. She messed around in there as long as she could, dreading seeing him after her little performance.

Coming on to the crazy guy was a really bad idea. 

She felt guilty for thinking about it that way. It was an Old Richie kind of thought. But it was true. And surely being a good person didn’t mean she had to pretend like humming love songs to someone who was that unwell was a good idea?

It wasn’t like she was against ever dating someone with his issues. But only after he got his shit together. She guessed that would take a lot of therapy and medicine. And then he’d still technically be her boss – if The Bear didn’t go under in the next ten months. It was all so theoretical.

She brushed her teeth twice, playing for time, but then started feeling guilty. He’d let her use the bathroom first. It wasn’t polite to hog it. When she poked her head out, he was on the couch, watching a cooking show. She called out a cheery “goodnight!” and darted into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her firmly. 

She pulled off her shoes and found that the bed really hadn’t been slept in much. The crisp, white sheets and blue quilt all smelled clean and like nothing, like hotel bedding. She thought she might have trouble getting to sleep, but the moment she lay down the warm, welcoming darkness drew her in, and she slept.

-

After a couple hours of sleep, Sydney woke up and stared at the ceiling, cursing her insomnia. At home, she had ways of dealing with it. There was her special chamomile blend tea, her favorite fuzzy purple blanket, and her bookcase of comfort reads. But at Carmy’s place? After tip-toeing to the bathroom and back, she was just stuck in his sterile bedroom with nothing but her phone for company. 

For lack of anything better to do, she sat down on the bed, cuddled the pillow close and went for an old familiar pattern: research. Learning about something always made her feel better. She googled “self harm psychology” and started scrolling through websites that looked trustworthy. 

Reading the American Psychological Association’s cool, clinical prose made her feel like a weight had been lifted off her. The first thing she learned was that Carmy hadn't been lying: this wasn’t about suicide. It was a person trying to cope with “unmanaged psychological distress.” 

This wasn’t actually a life or death thing. It just looked really upsetting from the outside. 

One website with advice for families said never to ask the person the why question she’d driven at earlier. Remembering one experience could trigger another. Sydney literally pressed her palm to her forehead at that and sighed. Jesus. That’s why he’d seemed to get so lost when she’d asked him to think back over it and explain.

But how was she supposed to know? She wasn't going to beat herself up over not knowing anything about this stuff. One of them doing that was bad enough. She read a little more, bookmarking a couple websites. What she read eased her mind enough that she laid back down and started to doze as she scrolled. 

#my writing #my fic

[kimmimaru]

So, probably a bit TMI (mentions of mental health) for random internet strangers but oh well. I'm sticking it under a cut for people who don't care lol.

So, I've been having a...difficult time lately. I'll keep it simple and just say I'm struggling pretty bad with personal shit. Anyway, I was considering looking into counselling but the NHS no longer fund talking therapy, it's only CBT and stuff which is helpful but not what I need. So I'd have to pay through the nose. And even if I could afford it I've only been able to find 1 single person in my entire town who specialises in treating autistic people. There may be more but honestly I have no idea where to even begin looking. Also like there's loads of groups for older people and people with toddlers but nothing for parents of older kids, groups for the parents I mean. I struggle very badly with making friends and talking to people, I'm awkward as fuck and have no idea how to socialise. Unfortunately I'm not a child so don't have anywhere to go to meet people like me. It's hard to make friends when neurotypicals have an instinctual dislike of autistic people (ok not everyone but apparently they can identify people as 'weird' without even speaking to them and generally tend to avoid us). Sorry, I did say this was probably TMI, but I'm just so fucking lonely and so stressed I'm having heart palpitations. I'm not sleeping either and unfortunately I don't have anyone to actually talk to about it so this is why I'm posting this here. Its at least just getting it all off my chest, even if it's not a long term solution maybe it'll be enough to actually help me get some sleep tonight. My mum was the person I talked to about all this shit, the only one I felt I could actually confide in and she's gone. I have family but they're busy with their own lives and tbh...I never felt like they ever really got me. My dad's a very closed off man, not in a cold way, he was always affectionate but he and my mum got divorced a long time ago and since then I've never felt able to talk to him about deep stuff. I suppose it's something to do with broken trust and all that crap. My sisters are way too busy and have their own problems and lives and my only brother is a lot older than me and far away. They all love me and care about me, I have never doubted it but none of them are neurodivergent. They don't understand me really and never have (that's not a self pitying 'oh woe is me' it's just a fact). It's a very weird feeling to be surrounded by people who love you but knowing they just don't get you. I am extremely aware that people would kill to have what I do, a big, loving family and they try really hard to understand and help but sometimes you just need more weirdos like you who see the world the same way and have the same kind of issues you do. What I want is a day. Just one single fucking day where I can just do what I need to do around the house without just staring at it for hours before I work up the spoons to do it. I want one day where I can actually do something creative as I've lost my drive (probably temporary, depression usually has the opposite affect on me and I write MORE when I'm depressed for some reason). I want to play with my daughter without constantly worrying about if she'll eat something other than junk food (she's an extremely picky eater), or is she'll take a bath without a fight or if she'll actually drink something for a change (yes, we are in contact with doctors about all this, it's just an extremely slow process). I want to wake up and not be exhausted for a change, I want to not be in constant pain for no fucking reason (chronic fatigue...yay). I want to not spend my days unable to focus on anything, to not be constantly disassociating because my stupid brain can't cope with too much sensory input. I am exhausted, I'm grieving and I just want to be normal for a fucking change. Anyway, it's all a lot more complicated than what I've written and it's very unlikely this makes any sense at all. But I needed to write it down, to tell someone, somewhere just so I can stop obsessing over all these thoughts. Maybe now I can sleep.

#Rant post #very long #I don't expect anyone to read this it's a little bit more personal than what I usually post and I'm sorry for that

[kedreeva]

OK OK SO LISTEN OK HEAR ME OUT I AM VERY VERY MUCH WELL ON MY EAY TO ACTUALLY WATCHING THIS BIT H OF A SHOW JUST BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT the broken ass fucking thing in ny brain that controls my serotonin levels goes _Ping_ and i get to experience The Happy but LISTEN here the fucking issue ive got an absolute bitch of an executive dysfunction and main issue: everything i know about thr show and everything that makes my brain go HYPERFIXATION TIME is shit from like,, the last 2 seasons ig mostly and like on a Theoretical fucking level i am well aware that once i start watching ill start enjoying it from the first coupke episodes (whatever deity may or may not be out there ought to just strike me down already at this point my previous self from like 5 years ago would strangle me if that fucker knew ehat our stupid bitch of a brain latched to amd decided to sing praises to in the end) but like The Things that currently have me in the headlock when it comes to the damned show Wont be There yet and even though i logically know it doesnt matter cause ill enjoy the rest too stupid piece of shit brain goes "must watch 2 seasons just to get there? Must watch 2 seasins to get to the Serotonin? Not in this energy crisis" so im Stuck unable to Watch it and Wanting to and reading and looking at SO much fucking fancontent cause goddamn the fucking fandom is talented fuck yall

Also i really appreciate your offer regarding the poll its v sweet of you but unfortunately its got a local target audience since its for a project that will begin at a local stage (and if i get my way slowly grow bigger until it reaches nationwide level but yeah v low hopes for it to get that far) and also since the whole project thing is basically a part of a far larger project thing with lots of smaller teams like us and shit and the reason im part of the whole shebang is that a professor of mine decided to place me on her team without even asking ive gotta make the poll using my Proper™ account which not only means sharing my deadname but also my last name (in short my whole legal name) so yeah big fucking mess thats going to shit anyway but i really appreciate the intention its v sweet (also as you hopefully have figured out i am VERY shit at explaining anything on a manner that makes sense but also im my defence it Is currently 3am where i am so yeah id like to throw a teeny bit of the blame for my inability to communicate on that)

Go to SLEEP.

But before you do I need you to look me in the fucking eyes, and understand this: season 1 is absolutely fantastic. Season 1 is still my favorite season. Not only do you get to meet all the amazing characters as babies, but the plots.... oh, the plots. oh. the storylines in season 1 are all fucking gorgeous, Delightful.

okayokay, listen. listen.

I gotta calm down a second because season 1 is so good, but listen

Season 1 does something that's so incredibly difficult to pull off, and not only did they pull it off, they pulled it off with flying colors. They told three narratives that were all part of one narrative, expertly braiding them together until suddenly they have all come together and everything crescendos and hhhhhh it's bliss. It's fucking bliss.

You have the first plot, and that's a kid's adventure plot. It is the genre of plot where you have a bunch of kids who get into a supernatural shenanigan with a New Friend, completely under the noses of the oblivious adults. This is some ET shit, some Earth to Echo shit. They've got to hide their New Weird Friend from the adults, and they are the ONLY ONES capable of saving her. High Child Adventure Time. They're riding their bikes and yelling over their radios and doing things only children would think to do in an attempt to keep El safe.

Then you have the second plot, with Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve (and arguably tommy and carol). This is a teenage monster horror flick w/ bonus romance. This is "one of the teenagers got killed/taken by a monster and the rest of the teens have to survive/cope with it/hunt the monster down together" genre. Nancy and Steve are busy getting into romance and then crashing and burning it because Nancy knows there's monsters and Steve has no idea, but Jonathan knows there's monsters, and now they're teaming up to fight back right up until Steve crash lands in the middle of the event and picks up the nailbat the first time. Delightful, you have to understand. You have to know. The first time Steve weilds the nailbat, he twirls it. And that twirl is.... fucking everything. That twirl lives rent free in my head for eternity.

You have to understand. This entire scene leading up to this is pure fucking gold. Steve is beat the fuck up after picking a fight with Jonathan (and losing), and he's come over to Jonathan's house to apologize to him, because he realized he's been an asshole. Who DOES that first of all. Second of all, this is AFTER he went and made amends with the theater he and tommy and carol defaced to be mean to nancy, and before he's apologized to nancy herself; he's coming to jonathan's house, alone, at night, to apologize to Jonathan, not because he knows Nancy is there, but because it's the right thing to do.

And then Nancy opens the door and okay, he had guessed they were... a thing, maybe, so that's not totally unexpected, but then he sees her hand. He sees the bandage on her hand, the blood they were using to draw the monster, and he has NO IDEA monsters exist still. He pushes into the house because he thinks Jonathan hurt Nancy, only to find Jonathan is also sporting a bandage, and also there's like. weapons all over the fucking place and christmas lights and Nancy's yelling at him to leave and she pulls a fucking gun on him and tells him he has 5 seconds to gtfo, and as if that wasn't enough, a literal monster claws through the ceiling, drops down and starts trying to eat them all. Nancy's firing a gun at it right up until Jonathan grabs her around the middle and bodily hauls her away from danger, grabs Steve's hand with his other hand, and hauls his partners down the hall to safety.

Down the hall where, you know, he and Nancy put a fucking bear trap on the ground. A bear trap steve does not know about but when Jonathan yells JUMP, do you know. Steve doesn't even stop to ask how high. he just fucking jumps. He's freaking out and the monster seems to disappear and they tell him to leave because it's going to come back and he makes it all the way to his car before realizing... he can't fucking leave them there. so he goes charging right back into danger, and good fucking thing too, because Jonathan's been disarmed and nancy's out of bullets and the demogorgon is still coming after her, and Steve gets there just in time to scoop up Jonathans nailbat (which FYI, was made from Nancy's bat, with Jonathan's nails, and now Steve wields it, as if I NEEDED OT3 feels) and start wailing on the monster until it's beaten back into the trap and they can set it on fire.

LIKE. SEASON 1 JUST HAS THAT???

and then!!! there's also the ADULT plotline, which is of the government conspiracy theory genre, as Joyce refuses to believe her son Will is dead and Hopper doesn't agree until actually he finds out she's RIGHT and the corpse was a FAKE and then HE is in on it and they are desperately trying to figure out what the fuck the LAB was doing with all its secrets.

And Delightful.... I have to say. Watching these three plotlines converge.... I've watched the first season dozens of times by this point. Chef's kiss. They all come together and realize they've all been dealing with facets of the same problem, and they move forward together to save Will and take down the monster and the lab that caused the problem. Oh my GOD.

And that's not even speaking of the characters. You will be adopting every child. Season 1 mike is the best mike. I would kill for season 1 nancy but she's got it covered. Season 1 Steve shows you his capacity for being a bitch, which is WHY the later seasons are so amazing with him being a good guy. You have to be able to remember the moment he took Jonathan's camera from him, jonathan's most prized possession, probably the most expensive and difficult to replace thing Jonathan owns, and smashes it on the pavement. You have to experience him writing (or allowing Tommy to write) "Nancy Wheeler is a SLUT" on the movie theater announcement board on main street. You have to see him shove Jonathan and say "always figured you for a queer" in order to understand how far he's come when he sits on the bathroom floor with Robin and softly says "oh." and still looks at her like she hung the moon. You have to see how much the kids care about each other when they are all in one place or you will never survive the catty nonsense they go through in season 3. SEASON 1 MATTERS SO MUCH.

a;sjga;hjsr;hrh;jkfjhgsdfhjd;l

There's SO MUCH about season 1!!! I'm supposed to be writing stories right now, so I'm gonna leave it here but please know you will not be slogging through 2 seasons to get to 3 and 4. You'll be watching the best season, a good season, and then arrive at when the plot kind of sucks but the characters have a chokehold on your heart so it doesn't matter.

#stranger things #asks #anon asks #Anon (Delightful)

[tiny-tigers]

✨ Helloooo! Apologies again for the radio silence 😭💖 things are a bit hectic on this end! How's your recovery getting on sweetie???🙏🏻🩷

OMG I didn't know that about Jacky's dad!!! 🫨 Okaaaay now lots of things are beginning to make sense....

*insert 'the pieces have been put together' meme*

I think unless he comes back better from this injury then you're right, I don't see his play improving too much? 😬 It's kinda weird that I no longer think of them as 'junior players' as they've done so much, but even though they're still young they seem to have lost that zesty youthfulness of 'trying to break into the first team' edge they had - if that makes any sense??

Drunk Fred is not the one, thanks Ellis.

I completely agree - I can defo see Fred leaving for a new challenge one day? Seems that sort of character - likes to be out of his comfort zone? *bleurgh no thnx* 😂

Interesting message from that fan! I've been getting the vibe for a while now that he's stopped enjoying fan interaction as much? Not surprising given his bigger profile now but sounds like I'm wrong! 🙈😆

No worries no worries , all is getting in place slooooowly. I Feel frozen in time ? I still have 4 jabs left before being left alone and still under painkillers, one scar is a bit nasty still impossible to sleep like I used to. No flip on the belly for sure I am like my eggs I sleep sunny sided.

I hope it could cool down a bit for you as well everyone need good vacay and family time during this period.

Yes totally !! Jeff played for sarries as a forward and 1 big man came and took his place 😤 poor papa Jeff... Bye Bye rugby career. Jacky wanted and was a fly half anyways before becoming who he is so I think he is not afraid of shifting for a role but being replaced and issues that can be linked to that oh well.... always in the moove uh. Idk how you analyse it the bigger picture But yes papa Jeff is his idol.

His mom was selling his stuff on Facebook btw 🤣 I bloody love one of his pants I bought while in norfolk it is super practical for this weather and fencing but omg does he actually walks on his butt ? 🤣😂 it is always the most used part. He can clean and mop floors with that bum. *Sorry*

Mmmmh he is a sweet potato but he is average. I do realize that , when his brain isnt used to his full potential and light up like a christmas tree he is losing a lot of his depth. He was bloody fantastic in U20 but since thenn.. eeeerhm... Even for a scrum half his stats are against him he should have marked as much tries as Fred already due to his speed and position. He has nothing special for him as a weapon except the power of his kick but he uses it super badly. Like Idk what he has in his legs but he can throw missiles but it lands super bad when he could do balls like George🎯.... 🤦‍♀️....And still not a bloody drop goal in 22 years. Easy peasy for me to criticize when I love him more than myself I might sound harsh but I want him to stop being relucant and afraid.

They are on full speed circuit and there is more motivated and more talented behind them if they lose their will to fight so no they aren't young player anymore.

No excuses.

I think Fred would beneficiate from another mindset and club than leicester more suitable to his envy and goals. I cannot see him settle for long in Leicester while on the other hand it is in Jack dna to be new ben youngs and to be the next goofball farmer 9 that will die on that welford road pitch ! I do love ben for that honestly !?. ...And Dan Cole ??? Amazing.

I hate When people are not faithful to their club... I was broken for George but he gave his most beautiful years to the club.

You sound very negative lately or it is just me ? :( is there something wrong other than Fred interest getting loose ?

I actually had a surprise today because Fred did go to see my friend story and he never does that ??? So super surprising when Jack has been absent all day. It is usually the opposite. I have seen zero post for Fred birthday tho...strange.

[aurora1040]

Death is a strange thing when you grow up in a really large family.

I'm not talking about the 'i have 8 siblings' large family, I mean 20+ uncles and aunts in generation 1 and 20+ great uncles and aunts in generation 2, not counting the people they married or the kids they had or the divorces and remarriages. I'm talking BIG family.

Because from the time you are very little, you've been introduced to death. One of my very earliest memories is when my great great grampa died when i was like... what. 5? 4 years old? I'm not entirely sure but i remember it so clearly.

So many of us were packed inside his house that i was sleeping on the floor under a coffee table (or at least, i was supposed to be sleeping). I remember someone opened the door and someone else was complaining about how the draft would make grampa uncomfortable and i remember very clearly how broken one of my Aunts sounded when she said "I dont think he cares anymore." And that was the moment that Grampa died.

I remember going over to see him and how i could almost swear he was still breathing (thanks a lot, brain tricks /s). I remember his ashen face, the way hos mouth was still open, the way his lips were kinda sunken in, and how peaceful he looked. I remember the quilts on his bed that he had made with his own two hands in his younger years.

I still have quilts that he had made in my apartment today that I will probably never be able to make myself get rid of.

I still remember when one of my great great aunts died and was maybe 5 or 6 years old and how long and pretty her white hair was as she laid there in the casket - and noticing again how i could almost swear that she was still breathing.

In big families like mine, we dont have reunions, we have funerals. We would often remark 'i guess i'll see you at the next one' because they happened so frequently and so often that it was the only chance we had to even get together.

Funerals and memorials services are our normal. You grow up learning real quick the do's and don'ts at funerals.

It became so normalized that when i lost my own brother, I didnt cry. And that upset me more than his sudden and early death did. His death is what numbed my ability to cry at funerals, to be shocked at the news, and I've learned to make peace with my lack of emotion. This is just my life. This is just my normal. Filled with death and tragedy.

I dont cry when someone dies. I cry when someone else is grieving. I hurt because someone living is in grief. I dont dread the death, I dread not being there for those whom the death affected most.

And its surreal to me as I watch the number of living family dwindle. I only have one gramma. one grampa. 2 great aunts. The people who are falling victim to death are steadily becoming those who raised me, those who have actively touched my life in significant ways. Despite how used to death I am, its starting to become personal. I'm starting to see how old my parents really are. I'm starting to see the need to keep in close contact with my close yet extended family.

Death is normal to me and yet its starting to not be. its just..... a very weird relationship to have with death.

Anyways, here's to the living. May you always have someone strong you can rely on when its your time to grieve.

#tay don't look #tay dont look #tw: death

[aro--chaos]

I posted 379 times in 2022

That's 359 more posts than 2021!

35 posts created (9%)

344 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@local--litporeon

@princessfaeron

@ghastspidergwen

@tooaceforthisspace

@aroaceblurryface

I tagged 194 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#vee talked here - 8 posts

#aromantic - 7 posts

#aro - 6 posts

#good art - 6 posts

#asexual - 5 posts

#aroace - 5 posts

#ace - 4 posts

#art - 4 posts

#lol - 3 posts

#netflix's wednesday - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#every time i am reminded about this i am shocked then proceed to forget about it because there’s absolutely no way this is an actual thing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Completely insane TotK theory

first off, hi im running on like 6 hours of sleep and two slices of toast so please take everything I'm going to say with like five mouthfuls of salt.

What If Link Just Dies

We know that the logo is an ouroboros, and the broken master sword is included in the logo as well. Nintendo has also said that this sequel will be really dark, comparing it to Majora's mask. Well, what if Zelda and Link journey to face Ganondorf's corpse, wake up Revenge Corpse Ganon, and can't beat the source of the malice plaguing Hyrule? What if the new hair-down Link that we see is a new incarnation or some sort of incarnation saved from the dead? Since the logo is an ouroboros, it's safe to assume that this new game will have something to do with cycles. And what's a more classic cycle in the Zelda franchise than the cycles of chosen heroes? on top of that, getting our hero out of commission for a bit would be a great way for the newest of demise's battle buddies for our hero to have an even bigger, cooler party at Hyrule with his super dope new Evil Tendril Powers.

anyway im going to go eat, come back, and decide if this is sane or not so enjoy.

5 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

#4

To the probably five people who have the same brain i do:

You do not need to figure it all out. Life is hard and complicated and there is no one solution. You are literally not out of school yet. You cannot live on your own yet legally.  You cannot drive a car on your own or drink.  It is ok if you struggle with making friends and don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life. It’s ok if you can’t figure out and pin down every single feeling you have. It’s ok of you need help healing from things, or arent in a place where you can heal from them completely right now.  Healing takes time, it is painful. It is good, but you need a support system and if you do not have that it is ok.  All you need to do is your best, whatever that looks like each day.  Add the simple little tasks to your checklists.  Buying that fancy cookie is ok as long as you have the money.  Just keep living and caring for other people, that’s the most you can do right now. And honestly, that’s the best thing you can do. 

6 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#3

ok ok so i am hype for the new trailer and I'm sure this has gotten pointed out but...

do you see that flying thing??? do you see it???? do you think there is any possibility there are going to be some sort of mutated loft wing or smth????

See the full post

8 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

#2

me 2019: oh, well I’m ace, so i dont like having sex but i can still love like a normal straight cisgender person!! i can’t wait to get a boyfriend :)

me now: i am a loveless aro(ace) and a lesbian on some level not really sure also I'm full of gender however that gender tends to change anyway l-ve is not required to be human, to be human is to live and enjoy life

8 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Clancy is a vessel theory

With the update of dmaorg.info and the release of the outside mv, I’ve seen a new theory going around that Clancy is not a person, but rather the name of a vessel that the bishops are using to spread vialism. This makes a lot of sense to me actually, and as far as my casual lore knowledge goes it clears up some stuff! Iirc, in an interview, Tyler stated that Clancy is his way of giving fans a look into the world of Trench and DEMA. We’ve never known much about (the old) Clancy, besides that he resided in DEMA with Keons as his bishop. If Clancy is simply the name of a vessel that the bishops exploit, it would first off, help tie the incorporation of Vessel music, lyrics, references, etc into the music video and Vøldsoy. It would also explain why on dmaorg.info Clancy details his first-hand account of events that we have seen Tyler doing/performing (the Livestream show, the outside, and Saturday mvs) while previously we had received secondhand accounts of Clancy watching Tyler from a cave, possibly the one seen in the video, during the jumpsuit mv. When I read the letters detailing the show and the events of the mvs I was confused as to how Clancy would have recorded these things if Tyler was the one doing them, and why Tyler chose to show himself in the events detailed by Clancy's letters when as far as I was aware the two were separate people. But if Clancy is not one person and is instead a vessel, Tyler becoming Clancy makes his appearing in both the Livestream and the MV(s) much more logical and sensical. And while Tyler’s role in the MV(s) and Livestream is the most concrete evidence I have, there are also a couple little things I want to bring up. One thing that Tyler started doing during the SAI era is covering/obscuring his face. This seems like an odd detail to bring up, but we've seen one other person who covered their face in lore, the unidentified child from one of the images on dmainfo.org. 

[ID= a grayscale image of a child, presumably a young boy. the child has a hand over their face. /end ID] This image's filename is "se__elf" which I assume means that it is a picture of the old Clancy as a child. Tyler only began covering his face in scaled and icy era appearances, and if 'clancy is dead' and Tyler is now the new Clancy, the new vessel that the bishops have chosen to exploit, this would explain the covering of his face. The recent updates to dmaorg.info detail how Clancy was forced to create the Good Day DEMA show, his constant surveillance by the bishops, and how in his words "...they wouldn't let me write anything down. Well, at least not without them present" Surely, if Clancy is now Tyler we would have some evidence or hint at their watching of Tyler, their constant surveillance hinted somehow. And sure enough, there is. This evidence is none other than Trash the dragon. Trash is the dragon that appeared on the cover of SAI and is featured on nearly every single promotional image or merch since then. Tyler has stated in an interview that "trash dragon" is slang for vultures in DEMA. Vultures, symbolically, are practically joined at the hip to the bishops and vialism. During his Christmas Livestream, a tiny trash could be seen on his desk, as if watching what he did during the stream. This very well could be Tyler trying to show the ever-watching eyes of the bishops, their constant surveillance of Tyler. Is this true? I have absolutely zero clue. But if it is it's a fascinating turn in the events of the story and one that I really hope we get to delve into more soon!

38 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post

[doublesidedgemini]

11/27

Just slapping a big ol’ trigger warning on this post for mental issues of all kinds, feeling unstable tonight lmao 🫠

holy fucking fuck my mind is literally broken tonight. I swear I have experienced every range of emotion multiple times all within the space of a few hours. Anger sadness joy elation nervousness isolation suicidal ideation thoughts of sh feeling like I’m not good enough and ruined my whole entire life. And over and back again 😭

This is truly exhausting I can’t. I smoked my last joint and even tho it’s supposed to be an indica it worked me up even more and now I’m wired and it’s 1:30 am and I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow LOL. I’m strongly considering calling off tomorrow because with the way my mind is going, I’m afraid I won’t be in a good headspace to work anyway, so maybe I should just take a mental day to get myself sorted.

Except… maybe this is hard to explain, but I know I’m starting to get manic when I have the physical sensation of being on a roller coaster. Not so much motion sickness, but the inside of my body feels like I’m on a very fast vehicle, even though my mind knows I’m not actually moving at all. And I am very very tense all over and keep having to consciously relax all the muscles in my body. So, all signs point to my brain malfunctioning currently lmao.

Maybe I just need to sleep. Unfortunately, I have to start work at 8 am so I won’t be getting much sleep, but some is always better than none. I just feel so tortured I don’t want to sleep :( I feel so painfully, darkly alone. Like there’s a heavy black pit at the center of my heart that aches. Relationship, friends, family, I’ve fucked up all these relationships and they’ve all fucked me up too. There’s so much hurt everywhere in so many of my memories. I’m hurting over things that haven’t even happened yet. It’s like my mind wants me to live in depression and suffering and sadness for forever and normally I’ve gotten pretty good at not getting like this but tonight wow. Not tonight.

You really can’t hide from your feelings forever — they do catch up with you. And tonight they caught up with me 😔 At least I was able to write out a little here, but I really need to journal and also…. Fucking start therapy again lmao. Ah, that’s a fight for another day.

It took me like over 20 minutes to type all this out LOL I feel a little calmer now. I was going to play violet before bed but I think I do feel sleepy enough to fall asleep so I should probably roll with that feeling and force myself to go to work tomorrow… I did a good job with eating way less today, only had a coffee w/ creamer, a small plate of leftovers, ramen w/ pb, some crackers and vegan cheese and wine!!! Ok that sounds like a lot when written all out but it’s way less than what I’ve been eating this week, so I’m counting that as a win and ready to start again tomorrow! So at least there’s that.

If you read this whole entire thing congrats we are besties ily here’s a goodnight smooch on the forehead

#gem is venting #gem is mentally ill #tw bipolar #tw sh related #tw sui ideation #gem’s personal ana diary

[troglobite]

hahahaha oh boy i’m doing. well. i’m Doing.

really wonderful helpful lady i’m in contact w to set up a PT for me has emailed and is like

“awesome! i’ll handle it all. can we set up a time to talk tomorrow on the phone, though, so i can make sure to get you the best fit?”

and i started crying bc i am. So Tired. i’m so exhausted. i haven’t stopped going 150% since last wednesday, and i haven’t had a full normal night of sleep since last monday night, bc tues night was a wreck. 

the prospect of adding more to my list tomorrow has like. broken me.

my mom asked for dinner 1 hr earlier than she initially said and i almost started crying again. 

everyone on here is missing a lot of context and ocd says “don’t share context publicly” so i won’t but i just really needed to like verbally acknowledge. um. me. and //gestures at my brain. and also body. everything hurts so bad.

but i won’t even be able to see a PT anytime soon, anyway, even though my dislocated wrist is just now getting back to almost normal, and my feet, ankles, and knees are all weird, and my hips are crooked and my back hurts

i picked up groceries today doing the pick up thing, and they had substituted a bunch of shit that my mom doesn’t like and she was just complaining and i started crying bc somehow it felt like my fault and also bc i went and did that and now these things are Wrong and Bad and so i’m probably gonna have to go again. it’s not quite ‘what was the point of doing that’ bc there was still some stuff that was Right, but like. 

i’m going and going and then suddenly it’s just like a mean look could take me out for a week. 

i’m so so so tired. i’m so tired. everything hurts. and i cannot cope. i am barely scraping by. i hate this. 

[oblxvion]

euphoric | eren jaeger (1)

-> pairing: eren jaeger x f!reader

-> wc: 5.4k

-> warnings: use of marijuana, smut, praise kink, degradation kink, spit kink, oral (f and m receiving), fluff

you were stressed. it was almost the end of the term, and you had spent the past two weeks studying and prepping for your exams because you needed those grades. you had been slipping a lot in your classes but you managed to bring your grades up with the help of your good friend armin. he was extremely smart and honestly, without him, you didn't even want to think about what your grades would be.

“ugh, sasha, i can’t study any more.” you groaned, bringing you head down to into the vast sea of review that you had been going over as per armin’s request. “i need a break, i feel like my brain is going to fucking explode.”

sasha looked over up from her phone and laughed. “it’s gonna be worth it, i promise. once you finish these exams, you’ll be able to relax for a bit. do you wanna smoke later ‘cause we’re all getting together later at eren’s, i forgot to tell you.”

you hadn’t checked your phone in the past few hours so you didn't know that there were plans that had been made. 

you didn’t move your head as you contemplated the thought, it sounded like fun to see everyone and ignore the work you had for at least a bit. exams weren’t for another week and a half, so you should be fine.

“yeah, i'll come.”

“yay! i’ll text the group chat and let them know that we’re gonna leave at around 6.” she squeals as she grabs her phone and starts typing away a text that you soon receive as well.

“ok, i need to nap first. plus it’s like 4 so i’m gonna pass out for a bit.” you got up from the kitchen table and made your way over to your bedroom, beginning to get comfortable. “wake me up at 5.” you yelled so she could hear from her room.

“you got it.” sasha yelled back. you could tell that she said that with food in her mouth. 

“typical.” you chuckled as you felt your body drift off to sleep.

“y/n! hey! wake up! it’s 5:30. i lost track of the time.” sasha tried to shake you awake in which you grumbled in response. 

“ugh, ur so timely.” you joked as you made your way out of your room, and into the shared bathroom. wow i look like shit you thought to yourself as you turned from side to side trying to see all of what you looked like in your oversized sweatshirt and shorts.

there was not enough time for you to get ready to look at least presentable, but you felt gross so you turned on the shower and threw your clothes into your hamper. you put on some music because who showers without music and you made sure to shave because it had been awhile since you had and you wanted to feel clean.

once you had finished, you grabbed a towel and checked the time on your phone. 5:40. perfect.

“y/n, we have like 20 minutes,” sasha called from her room. “do you think you can be ready by then?”

“yeah, i just need to dry my hair and throw on some clothes and i should be good.” you said as you walked into her room, she was pretty much ready to go, and dressed in shorts and a baggy t-shirt. no one really dressed up for these sessions because everyone was already super comfortable with each other.

“ok i’m gonna go change, i don't know if i’ll have enough time to dry my hair though.” 

“you’ll be fine. plus, we can be a bit late, they wouldn’t start without us anyways.” she says with a smile as she puts on a sweatshirt.

you made your way back to your room and threw on a pair of sweatpants, a loose fitting tank top and your favorite pullover. as you made your way back to the bathroom to dry your hair, you found yourself stressing once again about your exams to which you took a deep breathe and reminded yourself that you needed to relax and this was a well deserved break. 

after you finished drying your hair, you quickly ran a brush through it, and put on some deodorant along with your favorite perfume.

“ok sash, i’m ready.” you called from the bathroom as you fixed your appearance for the last time. 

“perfect! i ordered us an uber because i don’t really wanna drive and i know you don't like driving high.” she says as she grabs the last of her things and we make our way out the door and to the bottom of our apartment complex.

“soooo...” 

you look at her as the uber pulls over to the side of the road. “so what?”

“have u been seeing anyone recently?” sasha looks over to you as she gets into the uber after you. 

“how could i? i’ve literally been studying nonstop. i wish though.” you say with a sigh. you had been so preoccupied with studying and getting your grades up that you haven’t had the time to see anyone except friends. “why do you ask?”

“oh, it’s nothing really. i was just curious, you know, being your roommate and all.” somethings up, she’s clearly trying to pick at something and this does not go unnoticed by you.

“ok,” you laughed and shook your head. “whatever you say.”

before you knew it, you both arrived at eren’s apartment complex. for some reason, you felt anxious. you knew the boys that were going to be there but you had this gut feeling that something was going to happen.

the two of you made your way up to his floor and knocked on his door which was opened almost instantly as if he were waiting.

“sasha!” connie exclaimed, embracing the girl into a bear hug. “hey y/n.” 

“hey connie.” you smiled in response. it was really cute how the two of them were so close, it’s almost like they were twins. you made your way into the apartment and saw jean and eren, arguing over god knows what.

“hey guys!” you say as you walked over to the two of them, hugging them both. 

“y/n! it’s been a while. how’s studying with armin?” jean asks as he pulls away from the hug.

“god. don't even get me started. i am in hell. armin’s being so helpful though.” you chuckle as you walked over to eren, who was looking at something on his phone but quickly shoved it away when he saw you coming towards him.

“hey y/n.” he says with his boyish smile as he pulls you into a side hug and you notice that his hand lingers for a bit longer than normal but you smile in response.

“so, can we smoke now that they’re finally here?” connie asks as it was very clear that he was getting impatient. 

“yeah, yeah, let’s go to the deck.” eren’s apartment had a deck with was extremely nice and over time, it had become the signature smoke spot for you guys. it had an outdoor couch and a few chairs along with a small table which was perfect.

you made your way to your favorite spot which was the right corner of the couch so you could be close to the edge of the balcony and look out at the view of the city. everyone had their signature spots, it was like an unspoken rule but everyone followed it. eren next to you on the couch, sasha, jean and connie in the three chairs on the opposite side of the table.

there were some blankets already outside along with a speaker that eren played some music on to set the vibe. 

“since you guys were taking too long, i rolled us a joint so we could smoke sooner.” eren said as he sat down next to you.

“aw, how kind.” you tease him as you nudge yourself against his shoulder, earning a chuckle from him. “dibs on first hit.” 

“aw, c’mon!” jean whined, knowing that you always give the blunt to eren right after you hit. 

“i get priority since eren is my best friend.” you smirk and wait for eren to say anything but he just laughs and shakes his head. 

you and eren had always been close ever since you started school. he even introduced you to everyone, which was the reason why you were here with them now.

eren took out his lighter and lit the joint and passed it to you. you took it between your pointer finger and thumb and took a long drag. 

oh how you had missed this feeling. the feeling of being high with your friends. you passed the blunt back to eren as he took a hit himself and you exhaled the smoke.

the joint was passed around the circle until everyone had gotten a good amount of hits and it was finished. you felt your high and you leaned back into the couch as you closed your eyes.

“tired?” 

you opened your eyes and looked over to eren who’s eyes were red, just like yours. “no, just relaxing. this is nice. i needed this.”

“yeah, i noticed. armin told me that you’d been really stressed lately so i texted asking if people wanted to smoke but you didn't respond so i assumed you were studying,” he says as he stretched his arms and placed them just behind your shoulders.

“thanks,” you laughed as you stared into his turquoise eyes only now noticing how pretty they were. you had looked him in the eyes before but this time it felt different and he felt it too. but your staring was soon broken by sasha’s wails of being hungry.

“there’s food in the fridge, i had takeout last night so there’s probably some leftovers.” eren nods his head towards the inside of his apartment. sasha stood up and made her way towards the food as connie followed her.

“hey! save some for me!” he yelled as he chased after her. all that was left was you, eren and jean. there was clearly some tension in the air but you decided to ignore it.

“ain’t no way i’m gonna be third wheeling right now.” jean huffed quietly and joined the two inside. 

third wheeling? you ignored it because jean obviously knows that you and eren are close friends, nothing more.

oh, how you were wrong.

eren looked over to make sure that there was no way for the others to see the deck and he moved his arm down towards your shoulder. you were shocked by this, but in a way, it was comforting. 

“y/n?” he asked staring off into the distance.

“hm?” 

he didn't respond so you took it upon yourself to look up at him.

“what’s up?”

no response once again.

your lidded eyes becoming heavy as he looked down at you with a tender look on his face. he leaned his face closer to yours until your noses were touching.

“eren?”

his lips connected with yours, igniting a feeling inside your chest that you had pushed away when you first became close. you melted into the kiss and kissed him back in a slow and sensual kiss. eren pulled back and tucked your hair behind your ear as he went back in for another kiss. you didn’t know what to do but the feeling that this gave you, it wasn’t like any other kiss you had before.

“wanted to do this for a long time.” he whispers and rests his nose on yours. 

you didn’t know what to say in response so you pulled him back for another kiss that was interrupted by the three of them coming back out onto the deck. you pulled away quickly, hoping that no one had seen what just happened. eren kept his hand on your shoulder, but no one had asked about it so you just let it slide.

it had been a few days since you had last seen eren. everyone was texting in the group chat about plans for the upcoming days but you had to study, or at least try to study. the kiss that you and eren shared had been replaying in your head ever since it had happened. you knew that he was high and he may not remember it, but it still bugged you and you had to know.

but most importantly, this kiss had sparked feelings inside you that you had pushed away so long ago and it was beginning to get hard to consume them. eren was constantly on your mind, and you couldn’t focus on your work. 

you needed to talk to him but you didn't know how because you didn't know that he had these feelings for you and you didn't know that you still had those feelings for him. you realized that you were ignoring these feelings that you had for him because he was your close friend and you didn’t want that to ruin your relationship.

it was driving you crazy. you needed to talk to him. 

you grabbed your phone and clicked on eren’s contact and called him. it didn’t even finish the first ring.

“hey y/n! what’s up? how’s studying?” he said and you felt your heart swell at him saying your name, which never happened before until now.

“hey, can you come over later? i need to talk to you,” you sigh. this is it, you need to know if he truly had those feelings or he was just playing with you.

“yeah, of course,” he stammered. “is everything ok?”

“yeah, everything's fine, i just wanna talk to you.”

“ok, i can get a ride now if you want me to.” is he eager?

you looked at the time and remembered that sasha was out with connie and jean so she would probably not be coming back tonight.

“actually, yeah, that sounds fine. see you soon, eren.”

“ok, i’ll text you when i’m close.”

“ok,” you ended the call and placed your phone down, taking your head in your hands. you’re overreacting right? he definitely feels for you, why else would he kiss you?

“i need to shower.” you said to yourself, trying to ignore the thoughts in your head.

as you got out of the shower, you heard your phone get a text, which you assumed to be eren. walking back to your room, you heard a knock at the door and you froze. you were still in a towel and debating whether or not you should open the door for him, which you did because you didn't want to leave him standing out there.

“hey y/n, oh,” he stops and looks you up and down. 

“sorry, i just got out of the shower.” you say as you open the door and motion for him to come inside. “can you just wait a sec while i go put some clothes on?”

“oh, uh, yeah. i’ll wait in the kitchen.” he looks around and scratches the back of his head nervously. his hair was tied back into a messy bun like usual and wearing gray sweatpants with a black shirt and his chain peeking out from under it. “you good?” he asked as he took off his shoes.

oh my god, was i staring?

“oh, yeah, i'm fine. i just spaced out a bit, sorry.” you chuckle nervously, tucking a piece of your wet hair behind your ear. “i’ll be right back.”

“take your time.”

you made your way back to your room and threw hung your town on your closet door as you looked for clothes to wear. you opted for a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt that was sasha’s but for some reason, it was in your closet. once you had finished changing, you made your way over to the mirror that was across for your bed to make sure that you looked fine.

“ok, breathe.” you exhaled and opened your door calling for eren to come into your room.

he came into your room, still clearly feeling awkward about your interaction from before. “nice room, i like the led lights you have.” 

“thanks,” you laughed and sat on the bed, motioning for him to come sit next to you, which he did.

“so, what's on your mind y/n?” he asks, leaning up against the headboard and trying to get comfortable. 

“i don’t know, i've just been thinking about some things recently, and i can't seem to get them out of my head.” ok, good start.

“like what?” he looks over at you. oh no, don't look at me like that.

“the kiss we shared a few days ago, it’s been in my head on repeat.”

eren looks confused and looks towards your mirror, “is that a bad thing?”

“huh? i mean no, it’s not, i just don’t know what to do because these feelings have come back that i pushed away from when we became close because i didn’t want to ruin our friendship. but right now, it’s consuming me and i don’t know what to do.”

“well, i wouldn’t have kissed you without having feelings for you, y/n. i don’t know how you didn't notice it. i’ve been kinda bad at hiding it.” he said calmly as his gaze remained in front of the two of you. “but if you didn’t like it, we can just forget about it. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” he turns to look at you once again. 

“no, i enjoyed it actually, but...” you trail off nervously, feeling your face becoming hot. you tried to turn away but his hand grabbed your chin and turned you back to face him. 

“but what?” he says softly, looking into your eyes which caused your heart beat to pick up. he thought it was so cute how you were getting so flustered by him.

“but i don’t want to be played...” you averted his gaze.

“y/n, i would never play you.”

you look back at him, now knowing the answer that had been bothering you for the past few days. it took all your strength to not kiss him right there but he beat you to it, closing the gap between the two of you. in that moment, all your worries had washed away, feeling content and glad that you had this conversation with him. the kiss soon escalated into you and eren sliding your tongues into the others mouth. you felt yourself getting hot once again but this time, a completely different reason. eren brought his hand that was on your chin behind your head, pulling you deeper into the kiss as you melted into his mouth once again, whimpering at the feeling. eren could feel it go straight to his dick that was now straining in his pants, trying to contain himself because he didn't know whether you wanted this or not.

“let me show you how much i care for you, yeah?” he says as he pulls away for a brief second. 

“eren, please,” you whimper as his lips met yours once again but this time with more passion. eren then moved so he was on top of you, caging you in his arms as he continued to kiss you. “i want you.”

“’want you too, baby.” the pet name going straight to your core. eren moaned as he moved from your lips down to your neck, gently kissing and sucking to leave a mark. he then placed his hands at the bottom of your shirt, looking at you as if he was asking with his eyes for permission to undress you, you nodded your head vigorously and lifted your hands up so he could take it off. 

“no bra? it’s like you’re begging me to fuck you, angel.” he then brought his lips down to your left nipple, gently sucking on it while taking the other between his fingers, moving it around earning a moan from you at the feeling. he then moved over to the right and did the same action. “you’re so beautiful.”

“ohmygod please, please,” you knew you sounded desperate, but you couldn't help yourself. you had been denying the fact that you had wanted this for so long.

“use your words, tell me what you want.” he groaned and came back up to kiss you, relishing in the feeling of your lips against his.

“’wanna feel you,”

“where, pretty girl?” he sat up at looked down at you with a smirk on his face, he knew where you wanted him but he wanted, no needed to hear you say it. 

“’want you inside me eren, please,” you whined arching your back so he could get the message. he chuckled and brought himself back down towards your sternum, placing wet kisses as he made his way down to the waistband of your shorts. 

“can i?” he looked up at you and immediately saw the approval in your eyes. “you don’t know what you do to me, do you?” you whimper at his remark, lifting your hips up in the process so he could take your shorts off easier to reveal your thong and the painfully obvious wet spot. he placed a finger on your slit, dragging it down slowly, teasing you.

“stop teasing me,” you whined, trying to prop yourself on your elbows but to caught up with the euphoric feeling that you couldn't. eren slowly took off your panties to tease you even more, and threw them behind him onto the floor.

“fuck, baby. this all for me?” he looked up at you with his jade green eyes meeting your e/c ones. he could feel the precum running down his shaft, struggling to keep his composure.

“yes eren, all for you.” your breath hitched as he spit onto your needy heat, bringing his tongue down to your clit, giving it a few kitten licks before he quickened his pace and wrapped his left arm around your leg to keep you in place, not once breaking eye contact. “fuck, keep doing that, holy shit!” you could feel him smirk against your core, and if it couldn't get any better, you felt a finger at your entrance before sliding in. “eren!” he felt so embarrassed to be rutting his cock against the bed but the noises you were making were sinful and he couldn’t help himself.

you began to feel your stomach tighten as he added another finger into your hole and picked up the pace. the sensation was incredible, the feeling of his tongue on your clit and the pace of his fingers going in and out of your pussy. your slick was dripping down his fingers, it was driving him crazy. he felt you tighten around his fingers, you were close.

“’gonna, ‘m gonna cum eren, please,” your release was so close, you just needed one more push.

“c’mon baby, cum for me.” he groaned against your pussy, sending vibrations throughout your whole body and you felt the coil snap. the moan you let out was pure sin and eren thought he was going to cum on the spot. “that’s it baby, good fucking girl.” as you got down from your high, you realized that he didn’t stop, you were sensitive, eren knew that but he needed one more from you.

“eren it’s too much, fuck,” you cry out as he brings his mouth back down to your heat and you can already feel yourself getting close again, and he could tell. you came even quicker this time, your juices gushing all over eren’s tongue. he lapped all of it up, not letting a single drop go to waste, and then taking his fingers covered in your slick into his mouth.

“you taste so good, i couldn’t get enough of you.” he whispers as he comes back up to kiss you. you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue. you reach down towards his throbbing cock, but he shook his head. “this is about you, baby.”

“please?” you look up at him and he couldn’t say no. he knew that he would not last long if you did as much as place your tongue on his tip. noticing that he didn't say anything, you took this as your chance. you flipped him over so that you were on top, and you could feel how hard he was. you grabbed the bottom of his shirt and helped him take it off, revealing his perfectly toned chest with chiseled abs. he threw the shirt to another place in the room, pulling you into another kiss shortly after. you moved from his lips down to his neck and down his chest stopping at his sweatpants to pull them down along with his boxers, revealing his swollen tip leaking with precum. he was larger than average and it excited you every bit. you smirked to yourself, and placed your lips on his tip, his breath hitched at the feeling.

you began to slowly drag your tongue down his shaft, maintaining eye contact with him, just like he did with you. you then took him in your mouth seeing how his legs tensed, you began to go even further. 

eren was trying so hard not to grab your head and push you onto his dick, afraid that he was going to ruin the moment with you and be too aggressive. you then took your mouth off with saliva connecting from his tip to your lips and then went back down taking him all in your throat before bobbing your head up and down, coming up for air while jerking him off. the sounds he was making went straight to your warmth, making you wetter by the minute.

“keep doing that, fuck y/n,” he groaned as his will vanished and he took your hair in his hands beginning to help guide you on his dick. he ran his hand through his hair and looked back at you, knowing that this image will forever be imprinted in his head. his legs tensed and you felt it, he was close. “fuck, i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna fucking cum.” he groaned as he shot thick white ropes of cum down your throat, you gladly took all of it and opened your mouth to show him that you did. 

“fuck, you did so good, so good.” he pulled you up towards him as you laughed into the kiss, and suddenly you were back on the bottom. “but now i’m gonna fuck this pretty little pussy, yeah?” he aligned himself with your entrance and your mind became fuzzy with the feeling of his tip right where you needed him most. he slowly pushes himself in but you didn’t need to adjust, and he began to move at a steady pace.

“oh fuck,” eren threw his head back at the sensation of finally being inside of you, the way your walls grazed his dick, pulling him back him. it was addictive, and he couldn’t get enough of it. “you feel so fucking good y/n.”

“fuckfuckfuck, ’m gonna cum eren.” the feeling came back embarrassingly quick but you didn’t care, the feeling was amazing.

“yeah? you’re gonna fucking cum? cum on my cock. cum on my fucking cock.” eren growled as his chain was in your face. hearing him be so demanding and aggressive set something off and you felt yourself release but this time it was different, arching your back at the feeling. eren was taken aback by the fact that he made you squirt, it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“that’s it, squirt all over my fucking cock.” he rode you out of your orgasm and continued to plow you into the mattress, picking up his pace. he was close but not quite there yet. you had taken into account that eren was aggressive in bed but he was being gentle with you at first, and you loved every bit of it. you wanted to make it more interesting. before you could even think, your hand met his cheek, and eren looked at you with a shocked expression but his eyes grew dark with lust. 

“fuck me like you mean it, jaeger.” you growled, hoping to get a reaction out of him. and oh boy, did it get a reaction.

“yeah? fuck you like i mean it?” he slapped you across the face, and then grabbed your cheeks and spit into your mouth. “swallow it.” if you thought you couldn’t get turned on anymore, you were so wrong. you rutted your hips against his, moaning at the sensation. this side of you was so different, and eren fucking loved it. he grabbed your throat, squeezing it and making you look him in the eyes as he fucked you with force.

“look at you, never knew you could be such a slut.” the name made you clench around him like a vice, earning a groan from him. “taking my cock so fucking well.” the feeling of you tightening around his cock for the 2nd time that night was making him lose his mind, he wasn’t going to last any longer and he knew that you weren’t either. he brought his hand that was around your neck down to your neglected clit and began rubbing circles as his pace became erratic. he was so close and so were you, but he needed you to come with him, he had to feel that feeling again. 

“fuck, i’m so close baby. fucking cum with me,” he moaned as he brought his head to your neck, you brought your arms and wrapped them around him, bringing him closer to you. before you could even comprehend, you released your juices, spraying all over his pelvis as he came shortly after you, painting your insides white. he stilled, trying to catch his breath but to his shock, you flipped him so that you were on top once again.

“not done yet.” you moaned as you began to grind yourself onto his cock. eren still so sensitive from his past orgasm that he was barely holding on by a string. seeing you on top of him, the way your breasts bounce and the way you look from this angle is driving him insane. he knows that he’s not going to last like this, the way you’re riding him, he grabs onto your hips and guides you.

you’re so overstimulated, you can’t even think straight. eren is trying so hard not to cum before you, but your pussy is milking him dry and before he knew it, he came inside you once again, legs shaking from the overstimulation. you lifted yourself off him and began to frantically rub your clit as you squirted all over his chest and pelvis. eren stared at you in awe, the way you looked like when you came and knowing that it was from him was a huge boost to his ego.

you finally collapsed onto his chest, trying to calm your breathing as he wrapped his arms around you. the both of you basked in this silence, thinking about the sex you just had.

“hope i wasn’t too rough, i kinda got carried away.” eren chuckled as he ran his fingers down your back, earning a laugh from you.

“no not at all, i really liked it actually.” you looked up at him, placing your chinos his chest. 

“I'm glad, been wanting to do that for a while,” he paused, as if he was looking for the right words to say. “i really like you, y/n.”

your heartbeat quickened, and you gave him a quick peck on the lips. “i really like you too, eren.” you blushed, “stay the night.” you didn't have class the following morning, so it was fine.

“ok, will do.” he squeezed you tighter, and you utterly being exhausted, you felt yourself drift off to sleep. eren gently moved you over and walked into the bathroom, finding a small towel and cleaning you and himself up. he grabbed you a new pair of underwear from your closet and the his shirt on the floor, dressing you before he put his sweatpants back on.

you felt the bed dip and a pair of arms bring your back to his chest and press a kiss to your cheek.

“’night y/n.”

© all content belongs to oblxvion 2021, do not repost or change.

#attack on titan #aot #eren jeager #eren smut #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger smut #attack on titan smut #eren yaeger x y/n #eren #eren x y/n #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #snk anime #snk eren #eren x you #snk x reader #snk smut #shingeki no kyoujin imagine #shingeki no kyoujin #euphoric series

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

#skz fluff #chan fluff #bang chan scenarios #bang chan oneshot #bang chan imagine #bang chan fluff #stray kids oneshot #stray kids fluff #bang chan angst #chan angst #skz oneshots #skz angst

[madamedevien]

Infernal Heat

Hey! It’s been a while - I really miss you guys.  Anyway, I know that a lot of you were keeping up to date with my Mammon x GN! Reader fic...while I’m updating it regularly on my AO3, I thought that I’d post the chapters that I’ve got here as well. I’m planning for it to be a 4 chapter fic, but let’s see how that goes! Warnings in tags (both here and AO3) - monster fucking comes into play much more come Chapter 3 and 4. The biggest thanks to @mawwart for their inspiration and @popcherrypop for reading over what I had all those months ago and actually helping me find direction. I’ve got a bigger/cheesier spiel on AO3, but anyway. Fingers crossed that the ‘Keep Reading’ line shows up here...

Chapter 1: Embers

The Great Mammon had woken up in a mood. He'd felt this creeping up for days now and he wished that it would just come and go already. It was hella distracting to have a constant tug of warmth and want in your gut, y'know? And it was annoying to feel the incessant need to primp and to add to the nest of pillows, blankets, sentimental and decorative items that now overtook most of his bed. But he was due a heat cycle. Annoyingly, he felt that it was probably going to settle in properly on that particular day and he'd been wrangled into going shopping by you. And for whatever reason he'd agreed. Not because he had a crush on you or anything. Damn, he couldn't even remember what you two were meant to be shopping for, that's how addled his mind was. Mammon really just wanted to stay put and perfect his nest. Maybe show it off to you. Although he wasn't sure if you'd appreciate the fact that he'd stolen a few items of yours while on laundry duty to tuck into said nest. Or that he wanted to maybe do something kind of nasty to a piece of your clothing. If not you. 

But would you want to? To see his nest? To lay in it, lay with him, to mate with him? He wanted you to. So very, very badly. He didn’t feel like he deserved you but, oh, to say that he wanted you was a vast understatement. Fuck. 

He groaned and threw one of his tanned arms over his eyes. The silveret realised that he was going to have to partially dislodge his beautiful nest to pull out Goldie (he couldn't go shopping without her - the very thought was offensive!) and that he was going to have to get rid of his raging boner before he faced you. 

So into a cold shower he trudged, loudly cursing the whole time.

---

Longest shopping trip in fucking history. 

It seemed like you were in need of freakin' everything imaginable. He wasn't to know that you were actually just taking your time because it'd been a while since the two of you had some time to yourselves. The demon had been acting strangely around you the past few days, although he was completely oblivious to just how weird it’d been for you.

And today, the Avatar of Greed just wasn't engaging. Questions went unanswered, as if he hadn't heard even when clearly looking at you, no boasting or sulking occurred, no bets or harebrained schemes hatched...he didn't even take you up on your offer of Hell Sauce Noodles! The demon was completely disinterested in all of this - the only thing he was interested in was you. He was also trying very very hard not to let his thoughts slip into anything inappropriate. Which was probably the single most difficult thing he’d had to do in all of his many years. Mammon wanted to take your hand and lace your fingers together; to shamelessly nuzzle your cheek in front of everyone on Silent Avenue. The thought made his heart swell. Better yet, if you were mated, he could kiss you in front of the whole crowd before publicly mounting you and-

Damn, it was hard to keep lewd thoughts at bay. He could feel his cheeks burning and looked away when your concerned expression turned to him. 

On the trek home (finally!), he fell into a lazy pace behind you and Mammon couldn’t help it as you walked together. His cerulean gaze raked over the beautiful curve in your neck - the space was perfect. In his mind, he could see how perfectly his head would fit and how the mark he could leave there would only accentuate the beauty of your skin. It’d be a gorgeous brand that would loudly proclaim to all, ‘I am mated to THE Great Mammon, the Avatar of Greed and Second of the Seven; don’t you dare even think to touch me’. The very notion only caused the flush of heat over his skin to worsen and his breath to hitch; he wanted to tear into his flesh to relieve himself of the insufferable and fiery itch.

The same thoughts washed over his brain again and again like some cruel tide, even once you'd passed through the doors of the House of Lamentation.

It took only a scant moment. He didn’t even think. The silver haired demon was aware that he was losing his mind due to his damned biology, but he didn’t realise that he was so far gone that he would do something so stupid. It was only your screech that alerted him to the fact that he had pulled you tight to his chest, that he was actually in the process of sinking sharp fangs into your supple skin. The sudden realisation made him tear off of you in surprise. 

Beel had been the first to burst through a doorway and into the corridor. The redhead stopped dead in his tracks and stared wide-eyed at the two of you; you with your hand clamped over the section of your neck that had been bitten, and Mammon an arm’s length away from with a look of abject horror painted over his handsome features. Stupid Mammon, indeed. The next to burst in was Lucifer, who looked ready for a proper melee. The sound that had come from you had genuinely startled the older brother, not that he’d admit that if asked. As his garnet gaze took in the scene before him, his mouth twisted unpleasantly. “Mammon…” Lucifer’s voice was dangerously low. Mammon shook his head urgently in response, “Nonono, Luci, it didn’t - I mean, yeah, it is what it looks like an’ I didn’t mean ta, but it...it’s not deep enough. Y’know?” The second brother sounded desperate. Mammon anxiously twisted his rings around his tanned fingers and had to fight back the tears that threatened the edges of his vision. He could have hurt you. “Oh, I think you’ll find that it’s more than deep enough.” Lucifer stalked toward you and put his hand on top of the one you were using to cover your wound. “Let me see how much damage the fool inflicted on you”. Mammon could see the frown that pulled at your mouth as you revealed the bite mark to his brother. No proper damage - the indents might linger, but no blood had been drawn; no skin had been broken. 

“It was more from the surprise than pain, Lucifer. I just wasn’t expecting someone to bite me, you know? That’s the kind of thing that I’d expect more from a very hungry Beel.” Your attempt to lighten the mood only made the Avatar of Pride’s expression sour further - but Beel muttered a small, “Fair”. Lucifer sounded positively glacial when he spoke again. “Beelzebub, please take our brother to his room." The Avatar of Gluttony nodded solemnly, gently taking the second eldest’s shoulder. Mammon stared miserably at the floor, guilt clearly written on his flushed face although he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He didn’t trust himself to. Not after such a stupid stunt. As the other two made their way up the stairs, Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose. 

This wouldn’t be pleasant.

--

It was no surprise to Mammon that Lucifer texted him shortly after the whole ordeal. He was just thankful that Lucifer hadn’t decided to come up to his room and literally tear into him after biting you. Of all the people to bite in the entire Devildom, it just had to be you didn’t it? Lucifer: Mammon. I have strictly instructed the household that you are not to be disturbed until I have given the all clear. You will stay in your room and I will bring you provisions at regular intervals. If you need anything, you will let me know. Are we clear? Mammon: Yes. Lucifer: Good. He waited, hopeful that Lucifer would provide an update on you. After an eon of waiting (which was actually all of seven minutes) he decided to ask. Mammon: Are they okay?

Lucifer: They are. And they will continue to be so long as you stay in your room and do not venture out. Ensure that you lock your door and remember to take your pheromone blockers as well or the whole house will reek of your mating scent. What were brothers for, if not a good motivational speech? --- Chapter 2: Flames Even with Lucifer’s reminder, Mammon had forgotten to take the pheromone blockers and to lock the door. He’d been far too distracted; worrying about your state of health, whether he’d damaged your relationship beyond repair, still trying to keep the lewd thoughts at bay, his instincts fretting over the piece of nest that had been dismantled earlier… It was a lot to be preoccupied with, okay? Without the pheromone blockers, the corridor outside of Mammon’s room was thick with the sweet perfume of a demonic male in heat. It was rich and cloying, the kind of scent that would cling to one’s clothes much to the annoyance of the other residents (Asmodeus excluded).  Mammon, however, didn’t care. He was too busy now attempting to cool the heat in the pit of his stomach and to regain some clarity of mind. An attempt at sleep had been made once his nest had been repaired and Goldie tucked into her rightful place, the lights turned down low and his clothes discarded to some far corner so that he could crawl into the nest in a comfortable state...but how could he sleep when obscene images of you kept popping into his head?  At first, he had tried to keep some semblance of his mind. The demon didn’t like to lose control during his heats. If he could keep his mind, he would keep to his more humanoid forms - and that was what he wanted. Because if you did, by chance, happen upon him...well. He didn’t want to scare you. Before he allowed himself to spiral into the anxiety of your imagined reaction, he reached for his ridiculously large bottle of lube. If he was going to dwell on the thought of anything, it was going to be how good he knew you’d feel… --- Mammon wouldn’t have been able to say how much time had passed. He had brought himself to orgasm more times than he could count - but it only seemed to just take off the edge. A demon’s heat was never an easy thing, but why was this time around so damn difficult?  Satan would have been able to answer that with ease, the smug bastard; if a demon chooses a mate they will, naturally, be most inclined to couple with said mate for optimal breeding. To not couple with a chosen mate could make a heat worse - but to withhold coupling at all? Well, it would be a foolish endeavour.  The Avatar of Greed hadn’t realised just how he was slipping ; wings and horns had appeared without him even registering and his fangs had dropped to a predatory length (which he only noticed when he had apparently attempted to put a mating mark on a pillow covered in one of your stolen shirts that he’d been desperately rutting against, much to his embarrassment).  His breathing was rough. Mammon was equal parts exhausted and invigorated. He wanted nothing more than to let his knees fall out from under him so that sleep would hopefully take him - he wanted to stalk down the hall and into your room and fuck you senseless. And if Lucifer found out? Well, Mammon would love to see him try to pry you from his arms.  The very thought made him snarl, his grip on his cock tightening. It was enraging to even think that his brother would dare, a thought that had him so preoccupied that he didn’t hear the door click open.  His blue eyes slipped over to you and the wet sound of him furiously fucking his fist stopped abruptly. It was impossible to tell which one of you was redder. This was not what he had been expecting. “Uh-” A rasp of your name interrupted you. “Didn’t Lucifer tell you not to come?” He watched as you nodded dumbly, “Yes”. Heavy breath was the only noise to pass between you several beats. The demon in front of you was wondering whether this was fate; you weren’t running, you looked interested and, fuck, you smelled so good. You smelled aroused and it made him growl; “C’mere then”. The way that you slammed the door and scampered toward him practically had him preening in pleasure. Just as eager, Mammon scrambled over to meet you, flustered yet excited, and hauled you up close to him. He bumped your foreheads together. From here it was easy to see how incredibly blown his pupils were, to feel how desperately ragged his breathing was. You were dangerously close. “Now, see here, I'm gonna give ya one chance to go. ‘Cause if I kiss ya, I’m not gonna be able to stop. I won’t be able to let ya go. You’ll be stuck with me for the whole fuckin’ ride, ya hear?” Holy shit, his voice was so strained. “Then kiss me, you dummy.” No repeat was necessary. Mammon threaded his fingers into your hair, hesitating for only the briefest moment before pressing his lips to yours. When you responded in kind his fervour, his deep rooted greed, quickly followed. He’d wanted to kiss you from day one and not a moment had gone by since  without him imagining it. This felt so incredibly right. But he couldn’t ignore the heat curling in his gut. He needed you, wanted you. And as far as he could tell, despite the dark whispers in the back of his mind saying otherwise, you seemed to feel the same.The way that you returned his greedy kisses, how your fingers had twisted sharply in his hair, how you didn’t seem to mind the messy clicking of his elongated fangs against your blunt teeth as he tried to figure out how best to navigate your mouth in this form - how could he deny that he was wanted?  Mammon's only regret when looking back on this evening with you would be not savouring your body laid bare for him for the first time. His mind was too heat-addled to appreciate it; he was unable to slowly peel off your layers and to have the sentiment returned in kind as he had previously fantasised about. In his mind’s eye, he had a whole big romantic gesture planned if you had decided to sleep with him. Previously, he had imagined how he would make love to you and treasure every moment of it...but alas… Your clothes were quickly stripped from you, sharp fangs nipping at new skin as it was exposed. There was no delicate treatment here and he paid no heed to the sound of torn material. When he next plundered your mouth, it was far smoother than the first time - he was a fast learner, after all.  The only complaint that he had about kissing you was that it muffled those beautiful noises of yours. When he broke the seal of your mouths it was to gently toss you back toward the top of the bed, deeper into his nest and into the comfort of a ridiculous amount of pillows - to properly secure you into his nest. To see you like that felt...good. It felt right. It was clear that was exactly where you belonged. The very image had him growling in satisfaction as he took the opportunity to crawl over your body, his fingers gripping at the meat of your thighs and hips as if ensuring that you were truly there with him. Thankfully, his nails had not yet turned into talons or they would have pierced through you with ease at the way that he handled your flesh.  Mammon had to take a deep breath when he looked at you this time. He needed to make sure that he didn’t hurt you while doing this - it was the last thing in the world that he wanted. It was unusual for the Avatar of Greed to put the needs of others before his own...but you weren’t just some ‘other’. You were you. His very own treasure, his very own mate. Reluctantly, a hand left your body to fish for something buried within the nest. “You’re fuckin’ gorgeous,” He coated his fingers generously in lube, desperate to ensure that he would cause as little pain as possible, “Just fuckin’ perfect”. Two fingers slipped into you as Mammon spoke, his tone low and hoarse. Never had he imagined just how difficult it would be to hold himself back like this, nor could he have been prepared for just how much desire he felt in that moment. The sensation of your hot core wrapped around his fingers had him shamelessly rutting against your thigh, a poor attempt at taking the edge off of his lust.  A human really had no business wrecking him like this. His heat cycles were normally pretty boring - desperate rutting for a day or two and then back to normal life. You had no right to set his skin aflame like this, no right to have him feel like he could cum just from the noise you made once he had three fingers fucking into your heat. The way his blood was rushing in his ears was deafening...and he wanted more. It didn’t take too long for it all to get too much. Even all of the dark hickies that he had furiously littered your neck, chest and shoulders with weren’t enough to distract him from the wet sound of his fingers preparing you or the stunning sounds he managed to pull from you when he got the angle of his hand just right.  Mammon would never admit it, but he kind of missed his target. The point of removing his hand from you had been to slip himself right in. Instead, as he kissed you he rolled his slick cock against your sex...which, to be fair, had felt better than your thigh. And if the sound that you’d made in response was anything to go by, you thought so too.  He liked that noise. A lot. So he rolled his hips against you again, groaning in response to you. Ever eager to please, the greedy demon found a rhythm that you both seemed to enjoy in the interim. “Ya like that, huh?” Mammon wasn’t sure where the cockiness in his tone was coming from when internally he felt so nervous. It was those very nerves that quickly had his hand moving to guide his cock to your entrance and thrusting into you before you could retort. Mammon didn’t realise it would silence both of you.  By no means was he a virgin. The Great Mammon would have it known that he was a proper Casanova type, thank you very much. He just didn’t realise how different it would feel coupling with someone that he truly and deeply loved. The heat causing that deep need to breed the closest thing with a pulse didn’t help things, of course.  It was...incredible, for lack of a better word. Divine. Mammon choked on an Infernal curse once seated completely in you and had to literally bite his tongue to keep an anchor on his self-control.  All of that hard earned control was thrown out the window when his name passed your lips.  There was no hesitation in how his hips pistoned, fucking into you relentlessly. His hands manoeuvred to cradle the back of your knees and he pushed your legs back to allow him more access to your body, his fingers gripping hard enough to bruise. The noises that left him were snaps and snarls of Infernal praise, not that he realised. The only thought on Mammon’s mind was his primal objective of breeding you until neither of you could move ; it didn’t matter whether you could actually fall pregnant or not. No logic or worry clouded his mind with these thoughts. All he could focus on was filling you with his seed until he couldn’t any more, the thought of your stomach tender and round because of his affections toward his mate... Mammon’s first orgasm came with an embarrassing quickness. When he spilled inside of you, his teeth sinking into the tender flesh of your chest, he was quickly filled with a relief and warmth that he hadn’t felt in ages. For the first time since his heat had set in, there was true clarity in his mind. While his natural instincts weren’t completely quelled, it was enough for him to actually think with something other than his adamantly pulsing dick. His relief quickly fell to mortification, the shadows of which were clear on his features when he pulled back to look at you. His cheeks were tinted red both from exertion and embarrassment ; he hadn’t paid enough attention to get you to climax. He was quick to stutter out your name, mouth tripping on the words that were trying to get out of his mouth as his sluggishly content brain tried to supply words just beyond reach. “What, isn’t The Great Mammon going to make me cum?” Your sass fanned the flames in his loins. A playful snarl was made in response, “Oh sweetheart. I’m going to make you cum so fuckin’ hard you black out. You won’t be able to feel your legs by the time I’m done with you”. And so The Great Mammon set to work. --- Mammon hummed contentedly as you lazily played with the hair at the nape of his neck hours later. This was perfection. Strong fingers stroked your thighs as he enjoyed the sensation of you wrapped around his hips, the pleasure of you sat on his lap while cuddled up together in your nest. The demon toyed with the thought of pushing his hips up just to make you gasp from the overstimulation, but decided against it. Although he was loath to admit it, you needed rest - because Mammon had been good to his word, ensuring that you both had more than your fair share of orgasms.  But this was good. The fire in his gut had died down to crackling embers, although he knew it would flare up again soon - but you would be there to help ease him through it. And you even seemed to like helping him out. What was the phrase… ‘mutually beneficial’? Somethin’ like that. His eyes fluttered open when he heard your chuckle. He couldn’t help but wonder if you knew how freakin’ stunning you were when you smiled like that. “What?” When your eyes met his, he was pouting frowning. The laugh that you let out only made his brow furrow more, “I said what. What’s got ya laughin’ like that, huh? You should be out like a freakin’ light by now”. It wasn’t until you replied that he realised how obvious it was, “I didn’t know that demons could purr”. Mammon squawked loudly and attempted to divert your attention - he sounded like a damn motor! It wasn’t fair! He wasn’t even able to control the way he was going off… It was embarrassing. “Well, yeah, y’know, sometimes. We’re incredible ‘n mysterious creatures us demons, y’know! Demons are capable of things that your human mind couldn’t even comprehend! Anyway, ’s not like ’s all the time or anythin’ like that…” He tried to occupy himself and forget about the heat radiating from his face by playing with your hair - but he could feel you smiling against the crook of his neck. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” The incredible and mysterious demon sounded more like a petulant child (well, a purring and petulant child). “So, when do you normally purr?” “I dunno. When we’re happy, I guess?” “Does that mean I haven’t made you happy before?” The way that he spluttered was definitely worth teasing him. “Who said that ya haven’t made me happy?! ‘N besides, this is different!” Even Mammon couldn’t deny that he was now pouting, but he tried to focus on the feeling of your fingers running along his shoulders. It was nice; soothing, even. Until he felt a sharp tug on the back of his neck.  “Ouch! You gotta be more gentle than that!” The look of surprise on your face made him want to curl in on himself. “Mammon - are those feathers?” “Phffft,” The greedy demon rolled his eyes and tried to deflect your query, “Shaddap. You dunno what you’re talking ‘bout”.  When your mouth opened again, he did take the opportunity to thrust sharply into you. At the gasp, he lurched forward with a passionate kiss. Simply to shut you up, of course. No hidden agenda. His pleased purring melted into a deep rumbling, the fire in his belly stoking itself back to life. It was impossible for him not to roll you over to allow him to bask in more of your shared passion. The laughter that ensued, laughter that he was sure was aimed at him, only made his heart swell as much as his cock.

#obey me #obey me mammon x reader #obey me mammon #obey me shall we date #deVien writes #deVien writes for asmo #Infernal Heat #Smut #mammon x gn! reader #mammon x gender neutral reader #Gender neutral reader #Mating cycles #Heat cycles #mating cycles/in heat #Feral Mammon #Monster fucking #Well gradual monster fucking #Insecure Mammon #Kind of a breeding kink but that's more instincts

[pawsitivelymiraculous]

Damian, the little brother, Dupain-Cheng (Part 1)

I'm backkkk! I explained why this series went on hiatus on this post but yeahhh the Damian Dupain-Cheng series is back and will be posted on it's old schedule (which is every other week) Anyway I really appreciate you guys,, sorry for taking so long and let me know what you think! Comments really motivate me to keep writing.

(I promise I'll add a read more thing and the links tomorrow but I need sleep. for now I'll add the masterlist you can find everything there)

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Ao3 Masterlist

~♡~ Recap ~♡~

Marinette kidnapped/adopted Damian after seeing him with Talia in the Miraculous Café. She gives him the choice between staying with her or a non assassin relative. He chooses to stay in hopes of stealing the miracle box, but since that didn't work he lashed out and tried to kill Marinette and her friends repeatedly. This makes Marinette doubt in herself because she feels guilty about the whole situation. After hearing Marinette cry, Damian runs away confused at the whole situation, but he didn't get far before realizing that he was actually okay with the idea of Marinette becoming his mother. Marinette finds him and they go home. Time passes, they get a dog, Damian grows closer to Marinette and Marinette legally adopts him.

This takes place some time after all of this, like a couple of months.

~♡~♡~♡~

Why am I still in Paris?  

Jason asked himself this every day, and yet he could never find the answer.

Maybe it was because he really had nothing else to do. Well besides killing a Bat.

Or maybe it was because being in Paris somehow cleared some of the madness leftover from the Lazarus Pit that clouded his brain.

In either case it seemed like every time he tried to leave, he would convince himself to stay with the lie that Marinette Dupain-cheng was just as dangerous as Talia had claimed she was.

And that his "brother" really was in danger.

Which only led to him tailing after the pair like a complete creep while feeling miserable because who was he kidding? The woman who had taken Damian in was just as dangerous  as a basket of golden retriever puppies and Damian would have a way better life living with her rather than with Bruce.

And still he could not f*cking leave.

So he continued to observe from the shadows. Trying to remain invisible.

Which had worked out perfectly fine until that day it seemed, because Jason soon found himself pressed against the cold concrete after being flipped by a woman half his size.

Jason tried to look up, but he felt the heel of a shoe pressed against his head.

"Ow"

"Oh, I'm sorry did I hurt you?" Jason heard a familiar voice say. The only difference was that she was speaking in English with a slight accent rather than French.

How the h*ll did she know that he spoke English?

Jason tried to get a better look at his attacker, but she just pressed down her heel deeper making it very clear that she was not sorry at all.

Marinette leaned down to talk to him. "Look kid, I just want to know why you keep following me. Now we can talk like normal people, or I'll have to be a little… unconventional. So what do you say?" 

Kid? Jason couldn't remember the last time he had been called. It was especially surreal coming from such a petite woman who couldn't be older than thirty.

"Now I'm going to let you stand up just… don't do anything stupid."

Stupid seemed to follow Jason because as soon as he felt the pressure on his head lessen, he stood up and ran. The only thing in his mind was getting away from the woman. 

He wasn't able to go far though. As soon as he got to the end of the ally they were in, Jason suddenly felt all the muscles in his body grow weak. Everything around him became blurry and for the second time that day, Jason fell down and hit the gravel.

~♡~♡~♡~

Marinette hadn't meant to use a tranquilizer she made from the bee's miraculous venom on the guy. Honest.

But she needed answers, and he didn't seem in the mood to be the one providing them, so she had to do something before he got away.

Marinette did find it strange how he seemed more interested in running rather than harming her in any way. But she could think about that later. For now, she had to do something about the unconscious body on the ground.

First, Marinette tried to drag him back into the ally because she didn't want to risk anyone seeing her. It was ridiculous how difficult it was to move the guy a couple of inches. Even with all the strength she got from being ladybug, Marinette found herself incredibly tired when she finally managed to get to the end of the alley.

There was no way that Marinette could drag the guy to a safe location. Unless… she had the horse miraculous.

Marinette swiftly grabbed her phone and called Adrien while still holding down the guy in case he regained consciousness. "Hey kitty! Are you busy right now?"

"Um no?" He replied cautiously. "Unless you need me to bury a body, then I'm really busy." He would gladly lie to the police and give marinette suggestions on how to get rid of the body, but actually digging a hole sounded like too much of a hassle in Adrien's opinion.

Marinette laughed nervously. "Don't worry it's not a body." She paused "Not a dead one at least" she added under her breath. 

Adrien heard her anyway "Marinette."

"I just need you to get the horse miraculous and come here." Marinette added quickly when she heard Adrien's disapproving tone. 

"Do I even want to know why you need it?"

Marinette hesitated. Adrien still acted weird around Damian, and she wasn't sure that he would want to get involved with this. "Well I found the guy that was following me" she explained  "and accidentally knocked him out" Marinette stopped when she saw a portal open. "And you’re already here, was there no traffic?"

Adrien laughed as he walked out of the portal. "I was already getting the miraculous while you talked." He explained with a shrug then he looked at the unconscious guy on the floor. "Sooo… do you need help with that?" 

~♡~♡~♡~

Kagami was already at the café's storage area by the time Adrien and Marinette passed through the portal.

Adrien did a double take when he saw her. "Woah, I literally just texted you."

"You said you found the stalker, and I was nearby, and I figured that you would need help interrogating him." she explained. 

"With a sword?" Marinette asked, eyeing Kagami's left hand. "Where did you even get that?"

Kagami smiled. "Yes, and your son has an excellent taste."

Marinette looked at kagami, with a very confused and slightly worried expression. "Wha- when did you go sword shopping?"

Adrien replied instead. "When you asked me to babysit, your little gremlin scares me and gami wanted a sword, so I let him go with her." Then he grabbed a nearby chair and sat the guy in it, and also tied him to one of the stands that held coffee supplies using zip ties.

"You have broken my trust Agreste." Marinette said trying to sound as serious as possible but failing at it. "No, but seriously, let me know next time okay?"

"Yes ma'am"

It took a couple of minutes for the guy to regain consciousness. And as soon as he did, he thrashed around trying to break free from his restraints. Looking around him wildly until his gaze landed on Marinette.

His eyes narrowed. "You" he lunged towards her but was held back.

His attitude was completely different from their first meeting. Before he seemed conflicted and confused. But while he still seemed very confused that confusion was now mixed with rage. Which Marinette could understand, she had just knocked him out and brought him to a strange place.

But Marinette needed answers, the guy was very clearly part of the league, his aura reeked of their darkness, and she was not about to feel sympathy for anyone connected to the league of assassins.

So Marinette held no remorse when she allowed kagami to approach him with her sword after he calmed down a bit. 

"Who are you?" Kagami asked threateningly, then raised the blade dangerously close to his neck. "And why have you been following Marinette?"

The guy didn't even flinch. "Name's Jason" then he turned slightly to look Marinette in the eye. "I am Damian's brother," he continued. 

Marinette's eyes widened. The room fell silent for a moment. 

Jason smirked at his captors' shocked faces as he gave the final blow.  "And I'm here to take him to his father."

~♡~♡~♡~ TAG LIST ~♡~♡~♡~

(If you want to be added please let me know)

@elmokingkong @anjuschiffer , @ii-fox-demon , @justcourttee , @tazanna-blythe , @lozzybowe , @idontfuking, @wannajointhecrabcult , @bakergirl13 , @rosalineandrosemary , @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry , @our-preciousss , @consumeconstantly , @jiso-lee , @allthegooddaimenettenamesaregone, @justcourteesuportline , @finallyaniguana , @user00000003 , @whydoexamsexist , @justafanwarrior , @violetfandomaddict, @smolplantmum @fidget-eep ,@cadenceh2o , @justarandomtumblerblog , @ramos123 @iwantasecretidentity @t1dwarrior-of-earth @thesunniestdays @alice-hazelwood

~♡~♡~♡~ PERMANENT TAG LIST ~♡~♡~♡~

@charme-de-malchan , @theatreandcomicfreak , @m3owww, @elliebelliegirl , @genevieve-the-demonologist, @vixen-uchiha , @t1dwarrior-of-earth , @waffleyunsure , @technicallyburninggarden , @azuremayscarlet , @vroomtaka , @emistar0 , @ichigorose , @maskedpainter , @art-is-hard-to-do-sorry , @alysrose-starchild , @jayjayspixiepop , @abrx2002 ,  @nathleigh , @icerosecrystal , @jumpingjoy82

#maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc #my trash writing #my writing #damian dupain cheng #mominette