#anyways isn’t it amazing how different people have different perspectives and that how you have lived your life changes those

[nantokanarusaa]

Ao no Flag (SERIES FINALE SPOILERS!!)

Seriously, don’t read this if you are planning to read Ao no Flag. That being said, go read the manga now!!

Finally finished reading Ao no Flag and I have so many feelings. Non-coherent, rambly, messy feelings. I was looking at reactions online and what mainly boggles me about the reactions to the final 2 chapters is people being “how is Taichi suddenly gay??” My friend living on this big planet he never was (he’s bi). He most likely just realized it later in life. Did the events of his 3rd HS year help him figure it out? Heck yes. Is he suddenly bi? No.

Not all queer people pop out into this world and instantly know they are queer. Heck, it took me 23 years to figure that out. It’s not like Taichi instantly realized he likes Touma and started dating him. He knew Touma mattered to him somehow, but it took him multiple years to realize how, as evident by him maybe starting his relationship with Touma after 5 years when Touma contacted them all. He gained life experience and grew.

People go through a lot of learning, unlearning and growing. Especially if you are outside of societal expectations and norms. Taichi grew up learning to and wanting to blend in with society. “Be normal, don’t stand out too much”. Add to that low self-confidence and you feel stuck. Feel like there is only black and white. only one right answer to life. It can be very difficult to look out of this dark box, trust me, I had a tough time and sometimes still do. But it feels like Taichi thought and thought and pondered even back in high school and came to the decisions that he did.

And isn’t that what the series is about? growing as a person, making mistakes, learning, allowing yourself to be visible and vulnerable, and eventually, making choices, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else, and continuing to do so?

These two pages really hit me hard and I was wondering why. And then it hit me. This is possibly the happiest I’ve seen Taichi be since his childhood. Like genuinely happy. He’s reached max happiness points and is sharing those with Touma. He’s made his choices, and he’s happy. You can and are allowed to choose what or who makes you happy.

That’s all that matters.

#ao no flag #blue flag #blue flag manga #toumatai #is there a point tagging it as spoilers? might as well #ao no flag spoilers #blue flag spoilers #he ending and series in general does have it's flaws but it has become a near and dear one to me #anyways isn’t it amazing how different people have different perspectives and that how you have lived your life changes those #Taichi be gazing at Touma for multiple panels and people be like aww friendship :“) #the way the omamori was want jerked him out of his rage? heck the way he treasured it? their whole conversation on the beach #HE WAS GENUINELY CONSIDERING TOUMA'S FEELINGS FOR HIM!?! NO STRAIGHT GUY WILL EVER PONDER THAT MUCH #i'm alright #also all the hand holing symbolism which im sure other people have talked about better #which also raises the point: let kids express themselves freely without putting gender roles on them #god the hand hold rejection from Touma as a kid was a gut punch #last thing #KAITO HOW DARE YOU NOT SHOW US GROWN UP TOMA AND TAICHI TOGETHER #I WANT TO HAVE A CIVIL CONVERSATION WITH YOU #ok that was long thanks for reading if you have?? <3 #my feeling for this series are immense #oh have i mentioned its from JUMP!? of all the publications??? #granted jump plus gives the creators a lot more freedom but still?? a bi protag?? with a gay main charecter along with multiple queer #confirmed or coded characters? #dint think it could be real #kurosaki rambles #PS i want Ao flag to get a boom in popularity again so that we can get an anime adaptation #if done well and respectfully it will have so much potential #if done well and respectfully it can have so much potential

[teddy-bear-queen]

Bro I have to say this I swear-

I see people trying everything to make it seem like Wukong is a lot worse then he is. I understand you like Macaque, I do too! But the entire point of their relationship is that they’re both in the wrong. The difference is, Wukong got, well, character development. It just feels super annoying to discredit Wukongs hard work in JTTW because of things he did prior.

I’m not saying Wukong is some saint, or an amazing person even while the story is taking place, but he is NOT as bad as some of the people in the LMK fandom make him out to be. I assume it’s because Macaque is the goth shy boy (/hj? /lh), but Macaque literally comes out just to manipulate MK and steal his powers. He’s making the exact same mistakes Wukong did, fighting for power so that he can protect himself. Get stronger. Etc.

Season 4 Special Spoilers:

I don’t think Wukong was ignorant in saying that Macaque doesn’t come to help him. I mean, he got beaten by the Jade Emperor and presumably everyone just left him there and ran off. I’d be pretty mad too. Of course, Macaque was hesitant to begin with, and that’s fair. But he was already there, he could’ve tried. But Macaque has a habit of shying away from fights, only really fighting others to settle a score (S1 E9) or if he has to (LBD arc - both working for and against her, but the S1 E9 relates here, too.) I’m not saying this as an insult, more of an observation. He’s not a coward by any means, a coward would be Peng, who leaves mid-battle in fear of being hurt or losing. Macaque finishes his fights (still knowing when it’s reasonable to retreat), but more often then not prefers to prevent them in the first place. (WHICH IS WHY THE DIVORCE SCENE HITS SO HARD, you know he’s been bottling that up ;v;)

ANYWAY back on topic. I definitely think everything Wukong said there was true. I don’t think he was trying to lie or manipulate Macaque by saying “everything I did was for us”. This is further confirmed when we see him later, tired and completely defeated.

He has nothing to hide here. He’s at his lowest point, stuck in a mountain, tensions high from being abandoned by his sworn brothers, being abandoned by people he held dear. Macaque was trying to be nice, but if I were stuck in a mountain and offered food from someone who left me in such a vulnerable state? I probably wouldn’t take the it either. ALSO. We still have NOT seen these things from Wukongs perspective! Every single time something is revealed from his past, it’s narrated by Tang, Azure, Macaque, etc. Wukong has never (from my memory) spoken about his trials first-hand. This is why I love the guy so much!! What’s going on in his head? How does he feel about these things?

These are such complex characters who have been through so much, so it really bothers me when people look at Sun Wukong and decide to demonise him because of the past which, not only has he moved on from, but we have never even seen his side of the story on. Why did he kill Macaque? Did he kill Macaque? (I’ve seen theories he didn’t, we don’t know rn tho)

Wukong went through a lot of pain to change. Wukong is haunted by his past and in genuine distress over it. You can’t tell me this isn’t a man filled with deep remorse for his actions.

He’s not perfect, but he’s a hell of a lot better. It just really frustrates me that people disregard and discredit the work he put in to get to this point.

THATS IT THATS THE POST

This is really disorganised I’m sorry, I just keep seeing people act like Wukong is the scum of the earth and I honestly just do not get it.

Please don’t send asks about this post, just reblog or comment.

I don’t want to deal with passive aggressive (or just straight up aggressive) people.

As a final note: No, Wukong is not perfect. He’s still a deeply flawed character even with his development. No, Macaque isn’t the scum of the earth. They both have their own problems and they both fucked up. They both did something wrong. That’s the point.

#suki speaks #lmk #Lego monkie kid #sun wukong #lmk sun wukong #lmk wukong #wukong #lmk macaque #six eared macaque #analysis #? #more of a ramble #or a rant #it’s 11:30pm

[sincerely-sofie]

Have you ever wanted to draw something but you fought due to your skill level at the time you decide not to do it

Ohhh man. I’ve got so many projects that I want to make but haven’t because I view my current skill set as lacking— and they’re almost always drawing related, because I’m very insecure about my drawing skills— even moreso than my writing skills. To go on a tangent and paint a picture of how severe this visual art insecurity is, I will list off how many people I have directly permitted to read my major written pieces once I passed my mid-teens:

My older sister, because she was my co-writer for the project and not letting her read my work wasn’t an option

My mother on one occasion

My aunt, who has experience with writing and publishing, and I have only ever sent two pieces to

Look at that number of people. The number of pieces I shared with them, in total, was four out of the hundreds of projects I’ve made over the years. I was so precious about my writing because I’m insecure about it. I’m even more insecure about my art. I couldn’t list off all the drawing projects I hesitate to make because I think it’s impossible with my current skill level, not even in a thousand years, but I’ll give a few examples that are always in the back of my mind lately.

A semi-animated pilot to a fantasy-comedy cartoon parodying The Office, starring a goblin secretary who’s trying to assassinate her employer and take over as the final boss of an RPG-esque dungeon that operates like an office building, while her employer is a lich who misinterprets all her efforts to kill him as her being flirty, leading him to develop a very severe crush on the goblin. The project is titled “Boss Fight”, and I have all the resources I need to make it, but I drag my feet because of my art insecurity… also I would be doing all the voice acting myself, and I don’t find my voice very appealing even when I change it to fit different characters.

A webcomic about a fantasy world populated by bipedal bug people that features a very brief “save the world” plot, then focuses the rest of the storyline on how the characters recover from the events of their backstories and the trauma the experienced while saving the world. It’s titled “The Creeping Chronicles”, and I love the project but am so insecure about being able to do the story justice with my art skills that I’ve tentatively pivoted to making it a book series instead. It’s got 21k+ words across 10-ish chapters because I’m too insecure about my art to draw it fully.

A slice of life comic titled “Welcome to Wayside” that’s basically Gravity Falls meets Stardew Valley where a young girl saves a cryptid’s life and now he’s stuck helping her until he repays the life debt he owes. The story features a vaguely men in black-style evil secret agency called G.L.O.O.M. (Gents for Ludicrous Oddity Organization and Management) who have various ranks are named after facets of fashion (khakis are their grunt labor and pocket squares are researchers) and they use a threat-ranking system based on dress codes (i.e. “WE HAVE A BLACK TIE DOWN ON SOUTH STREET, REPEAT: BLACK TIE DOWN ON SOUTH STREET”), and I adored G.L.O.O.M. along with the cast of characters featured in the story, but I don’t feel confident in my ability to design interesting-looking original cryptids.

I could leave this post at that, but I’ve got an important thing to say on this subject—

If you want to make something but are hesitating to because your skill levels are lackluster, make it anyways.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever can. Let yourself make the thing, and let yourself make the thing badly. Love it and how ugly it is. The perspective is all askew in this part, and that character is horribly off model there, and isn’t it all amazing? You made that! You made a thing! And you wouldn’t have this thing that you made if you waited until the conditions were perfect to make it and refused to create the thing before your skills were sufficient.

There’s this terrible thing about creative projects— one that is very noticeable in drawing projects especially, in my experience. As your artistic skills develop, your artistic vision also develops to become more and more detailed and masterful… and it’s always going to be outside of your grasp. If you wait until you’re ready to make the thing, you will never make the thing, because you’ll never feel ready no matter how much you build your skills. But if you make the thing before you feel totally prepared, you’ll learn and grow artistically as well as personally, and will be able to feel more confident in future thing-making efforts.

#creativity tips with sofie #(kinda) #(not an official installment to the series but it fits into things well enough to include it in the tag) #sofie answers asks #creativity tips #creativity tip #creativity advice #art tips #art tip #art advice #drawing tips #drawing tip #drawing advice

[tomorrowsdrama]

I just finished Re-reading The Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir and omg it’s just amazing the second time around. Technically, this would be my first time reading it completely. The first time I read it, I got distracted at around the 90% mark and didn’t finish.

But omg I love this web novel so much. The characters are so flawed and complex and human! Trash Man aka Ning Yuxuan probably had the best character arc out of all the characters. I loved hating him in the beginning when he truly was a trash man. And then I gleefully laughed when Ji Man threw him for a loop and didn’t make life easy for him. Then I relished in his suffering as he had to grovel and work his ass off to try to win Ji Man’s heart only to fail. After that, I felt bad for him as he desperately tried to get Ji Man to open up her heart a bit. Then that turned to rooting for him to get the girl and also wanting to shake some sense into Ji Man. And finally, I swooned and awwed seeing the lengths he went to to protect Ji Man and give her a peaceful life. If you’re going to get swept up in a fight for the throne and dangerous political intrigue, Trash Man is definitely the person you want to be with!

The level of scheming and many layers of planning this man did was truly frightening albeit highly effective.

This line especially stuck out to me:

““Right now, was this considered a meeting of villains that were colluding together?”

Because viewed from a different perspective, Trash Man and Ji Man could definitely be the antagonists in another story bahahaha. I loved that Trash Man had once considered taking the throne for himself but only turned down the idea because of some weird clan rule that said his clan’s descendants could never ascend to the throne. He certainly could have usurped the throne several times easily.

And Ji Man! What a great main character. Just like Trash Man, she is frighteningly competent and not someone you want to mess with. I like that she doesn’t go after people unless they harmed her first. Oh boy does she hold a grudge and will do anything to get her revenge. What’s great about her is that she’s not omnipotent and gets into trouble/makes mistakes/misreads situations. She has a bit of an advantage since she knows some of the story’s plot and has her knowledge from modern times, but that isn’t always enough to keep her safe or out of trouble. That’s so refreshing to see in a transmigrator story!

And the side characters! I don’t know how this author did it but they got me to care about the side characters. I even teared up while reading the death scene of the second prince and his wife Pengyue. This author really has a way with words because I could totally imagine how the second prince looked and sounded as he dragged his body over to his wife’s bed, not realizing that she’s already dead. And the whole time he’s “berating” her for seemingly betraying him, he’s also making excuses for her and already talking about how she’ll have to make it to him. We didn’t get too many details about their relationship, but the author easily conveyed how much he loved Pengyue in just that one scene. I would totally read a story or watch a drama just about those two.

I was invested throughout the entire novel even though it’s super long at over 500 chapters. It’s THAT good. That’s why it pains me to think about that abomination of an adaptation. I haven’t seen it, but just by the trailers alone, I could tell it would not do the story justice. There are too many plot lines in this story that would not pass censorship. I mean, Ning Yuxuan was responsible for raising up and then dethroning three different emperors one after the other. No way would the censors have allowed that. But even if we were to put that aside, there’s just too much stuff to fit into 38 episodes.

Anyway, read it, loved it, would absolutely recommend it you’re into transmigrator stories. Now I’m off to read the bonus chapters.

#the dreamer in the spring boudoir #cnovel

[fwoopersongs]

[Book Rec + Reaction/Thoughts] The Lantern and the Night Moths 灯与夜蛾 by Yilin Wang

An anthology of translated poems by five modern or contemporary poets and accompanying essays by the translator, @yilinwriter.

You can find the pronunciation guide and list of corrections here!

The cover art, a beautiful expression of the tone of this collection, is by Taiwanese artist Ciaoyin (check out her gorgeous insta!). I'm looking forward to the arrival of the physical book as my tab absolutely does not do it justice xD

Anyway! The official release date is 02 April 2024 though there have been some very thoughtful reviews by early readers already. Here, here, here and here.

(It was an ARC that I received too… though in the time it took to put this together, the ebooks have already gone out to readers >.< typical snail yj!) 

Instead, I’ll tell you who I think would be interested in this book or might benefit from reading it, then share things that are cool about it from the perspective of a bilingual hobbyist translator + lover of ancient poetry and lyrics.

Who should read it?

If annotations, translator’s notes and reflections spark joy for you...

If you’ve ever read poetry translations and been intensely curious about what goes on under the hood...

If you’re a translator yourself wanting to hear another voice...

Definitely check this out!

Also if you’re CN+EN bilingual and have ever read something in English that references Chinese terms and concepts etc. except ONLY in English, pinyin or wade-giles and been utterly frustrated by the ensuing guessing game (like me) Fear Not.

That will not be a problem here.

I really appreciate how Chinese words are used naturally where needed for concepts and quotes - they are also translated for those who can't read Chinese so no one is left out. It made this book of and about translation (and more) super comfortable to read! The solution is so simple, so direct, so rarely used that I am amused.

Oh, but do note that the Chinese characters are in simplified though!

The poems are organised by their writers who are listed here by order of birth year, not appearance in the book:

秋瑾 (Qiu Jin, 1875 to 1907)

废名 (Fei Ming. 1901 to 1967)

戴望舒 (Dai Wangshu, 1905 to 1950)

小西 (Xiao Xi, 1974 to _)

张巧慧 (Zhang Qiaohui, 1978 to _) 

Altogether, that covers nearly the last 150 years up to now. I’ve never really been into poetry by poets in such relatively recent times, in part because I’d been holding on to this stereotype of them spurning Classical Chinese and ancient poetry in the first half of the 20th century (not entirely true, as I came to realise xD). It made sense and was understandable, but felt sad.

Yet am I the target audience for this book?

Very much so.

In ways I didn’t think I would be too! It was so much fun to experience this both as a reader and a translator that I thought I’d share it here, where we are appreciating Chinese poetry together.

If you didn’t think you’d enjoy modern Chinese poetry, hey, give it a chance!

Oh yeah - on the way home a while back, I was talking to a friend about translation and was surprised to hear that her impression was that it ought to be a straightforward process. Like isn’t it a 1:1 conversion? At some point, ‘what’s the difference between something google translate might return, and how you would say it?’ was asked, and oh that was a delightful question to my ears! I showed her one of my comparison sheets where an original text is laid out alongside multiple translations line-by-line, briefly explaining some common and unique choices and how the people who had translated those probably arrived at the various interpretations. She was pretty amazed to see that the answer to her question was: very different. Hey, it’s a complicated process!

But there’s only so much one can explain in the space of a train ride. That’s why The Lantern and the Night Moths is a book I would also rec to someone like this friend of mine - open minded and curious but never having the chance to think about or encounter the craft of translation.

Like Yilin says, ‘the meaning of a word cannot be fully expressed in one single translation, nor through a series of translation attempts’. She then explains why with great attention to detail and some solid examples from one of the poems with word choices loaded with subtle connotations :D

What's interesting about it?

Okay, for one, Yilin shared a playlist of music that she listened to while working on this book. Here is the link to the spotify one and the one on youtube. Check them out! They sure put me in the mood to read xD (favs: 别知己, 小神仙 & 去有風的地方) Afterwards, this made so much sense like - ah! an audio moodboard.

She's also putting together these adorable mini profiles of each poet along with a cmedia and tea rec to match their vibes. Go see them on her instagram xD

Now to business...

structure

What really helped keep the reader’s focus was the way each section is organized, how the poems and accompanying essay were presented and finally the short bio of each person right at the end. 

The poets are first introduced through five or six of their poems, works well suited to this purpose. Their voices, distinct through the vision, ambition and emotion of their words, are brought across by Yilin’s sensitive, thoughtful and poetic translations into English. These translations were also creative and transformative in a way that made so much sense after reading one of her reflections on the process, how she ‘must guide it with gentle hands to ensure its spirit is kept alive and intact during this transformative, and often excruciating process’. A rebirth into another language!

Personally, I’ve come to think of reading translations as looking at a work through another’s eyes. So it’s delightful when the translator’s presence is discernible, and even more so when the reader is given insight into their intention and process via commentary. 

Yilin’s essays coupled with the poets’ bios at the end provide a means to go back and appreciate their works in context of their circumstance and inspirations. Similarly, to read the translations with a changed perspective.

I don’t know how much of a thing this is with translated poetry anthologies in English - can count the number I’ve read with both hands lol, and they’re all of the ancient chinese poetry variety - but I really like this design.

drawing on poets who came before them

Remember how we’re always recognizing traces of inspiration from ancient works (to them) in poetry of the various dynasties? 李商隐 Li Shangyin of Tang for example, was influenced by 楚辞 Verses of Chu and folklore and mythology such as that in 山海经 Classic of Mountains and Seas, 李白 Li Bai frequently references poets and history of the 魏晋 Wei-Jin era, and 王维 Wang Wei was clearly familiar with Buddhist scriptures which were translations themselves! 

Just like the late Táng poets whom he praised for boldly deviating from the voices before them, Fei Ming used popular references and tropey shorthands ‘in contexts utterly different from the original, reimagining them anew’. Dai Wangshu, too, ‘boldly re-envisioned what modern poetry could look like by revisiting the classics’. In fact, in his very relatable ‘To Answer the Visitor with Classical Imagery’, I see Li Bai’s 春夜宴桃李园序, Qu Yuan’s 离骚 and lots of - as the title says - classical imagery, as if pulling out painting after painting to describe a feeling.

And Dai Wangshu’s faith in the translatability of poetry, that ‘poetry isn’t what is lost in translation, but rather, what survives it’ reminds me of what a friend, @xiakeponz, said that I agree with so much - because readers can ‘experience something in their own individual way through (your) shared humanity rather than language alone’.

poetic tradition and beyond

Between the lines of contemporary poets Zhang Qiaohui and Xiao Xi, I can really see the charm of plain vernacular, how it can be beautiful, incisive and clever in turns. Even as it seems to have moved further than ever from the structure and language of literary Chinese, the themes that inspired common motifs remain a part of life. Mother and divinity, homesickness, finding oneself, tributes to admirable spirits and the issues that trouble society - just in a new form and with different ways of expression.

Qiu Jin

So many FEELINGS about what Qiu Jin was doing - ‘I awaken the spirits of women, hundreds of flowers, abloom’. I would love if she could see the world now. So many things for her to rouse and fight against, but at the same time just as many to be proud of. I am so in awe of her, but now hearing her loneliness and struggle there is a soft spot in my heart for those too. 

conclusion

So so so…

Qiu Jin’s admirable fire and lonely resolve. Zhang Qiaohui’s precious ability to express beauty in the mundane and in pain. Fei Ming’s utter delight! He is having so much fun and when* I’m vibing, I feel it too. Xiao Xi’s critical eye and keen observation of the world. Dai Wangshu’s whimsical charm and passion for translation. Finally, Yilin Wang, the connecting thread wound through them all, bringing them together so that we may be acquainted. 

*Reading his poetry is like unwrapping a seamless, many layered present. A gift that keeps giving - if only you have a key 😅 Fortunately, Yilin has halved our struggle 🤣

I’ve had such a great time with them all. And if you come, I hope you will too!

#The Lantern and the Night Moths #chinese poetry #Yilin Wang #poetry in translation #灯与夜蛾 #Qiu Jin #Zhang Qiaohui #Fei Ming #Xiao Xi #Dai Wangshu #rambly reviews #i read from Fei Ming onwards on my kobo LOL but that one has no colour so... #i might do more of these review-y rambles about poetry things if y'all are interested? #i've been reading LOL #some are chinese some are english #all of them fun and enlightening

[dekusleftsock]

I have to say that your post on Deku peddling a lot of casual homophobia and toxic masculinity across the manga, was really interesting and eye-opening. I mostly agree with you, except the part about bkdk supposedly being the endgame for this particular arc. I've had similar thoughts about how gender and sexuality is portrayed in MHA, for quite a while, but the conclusion I always came to, was more along the lines of "Reject Masculinity; Embrace Lesbianism". As I've just stumbled upon this blog, I must therefore ask: how do you feel about transbian Deku hcs?

Oh it’s so fun! Trans lesbian deku is awesome, I love all trans hc’s so much.

Unfortunately though, I am also a bkdk shipper and my opinions in that post are about my genuine thoughts that, yes, deku is a cisgender gay man, and there’s no real problem with that. Welcome to my blog though!

A lot of my posts do focus on bkdk and togachako (while mainly togachako for the past couple of months), so that’s just your fair warning! If you aren’t into that it’s like… kind of impossible to avoid that shipping on my blog. I often post fanart and metas/shitposts that focus on those two ships solely.

And I will say, I feel like the notion of “rejecting masculinity”, especially as a trans masculine person myself, does often fall down anti trans rhetoric and spaces, as lesbianism and masculinity aren’t even necessarily contrasting things to be. NB is an identity that can be stretched so far into so many spaces that it’s kind of hard to reject masculinity OR femininity without well… falling into exclusion.

I’m not sure if that’s what you mean though, however I do enjoy most if not all trans hc’s because they are amazing and so interesting when people really dive into a characters internalized issues having to do with that identity. Transgenderism is so maleable and can easily apply to so many different types of characters, even giving them a deeper sense of depth.

Canonically though, I think I like Izuku how he is. Because everyone has issues, and while cis men have obviously had a lot of stories where they are the center of attention, told from their perspective, Izuku is unique in his own right; because how often do we really see a short, androgynous, emotionally expressive, cis male character deal with things like the insecurity of crying, the unknown of if your identity (if it really is your identity) will be accepted in spaces where you have been pushed to be with, from your perspective, a platonic female friend? Because yes, izuku WAS bullied—rather indirectly with Katsuki sure—but the little comments made about being a crybaby, being creepy, being weak, they all build up. They build and build until, hey, the bully isn’t there anymore. In fact, the bully is you.

And really, I see why people don’t necessarily pick up on Izuku of all people having masculinity issues. When the viewer sees a momma’s boy who’s relatively soft and empathetic, they register someone who vaguely understands themself. They see him be self sacrificial and think, “that’s a man who goes against masculine stereotypes, so obviously he doesn’t struggle with fitting into the stereotype himself!” Because it’s not what we’re usually shown in our every day media.

A man with masculinity issues is someone who is SUPER masculine—he’s super buff, he screams a lot, he has anger issues, he—oh wait I’m describing Katsuki.

Yet, in reality, Katsuki actually DOESNT! Not as much as Izuku does anyway. In middle school? Sure, most definitely. He registered weakness and refused to accept himself, therefore his masculinity. The anger issues build and build on each other… except for the fact that we’re forgetting the key here.

Katsuki grew up.

Katsuki HAD to grow up because the way he expressed these anger issues (that I will say, izuku also shares, the crying is literally a symptom of that in a lot of cases) was much more prevalent. It stopped him from truly growing, and when he was humbled he was able to see all the mistakes he was making. And slowly but surely, he apologized. He sacrificed. He started to really, truly, care.

He always cared of course, seeing as he cared enough to try to stop deku from getting into UA, because he thought he was a threat. Hell, after the entrance exam at their first day of UA, he genuinely thought Izuku had enough heroics in him to make it past the entrance exam! He didn’t think Izuku even NEEDED a quirk to get in. He’s always believed in him.

Was that expressed through his insecurities? Yes, because he was a dumb 15 year old.

But now that he knows he cares, that’s allowed him to reflect on himself, and on Izuku.

Izuku ofc will change, he will grow up, he will get that character development, but he has to have that realization that, oh, Katsuki really won’t hate him for anything. Ever.

Whether Izuku has internalized homophobia simply because Katsuki isn’t a girl, or because he’s afraid of Katsuki’s rejection at Izuku’s weirdness, well, I guess that’s up to your interpretation.

Mine is personally on the second side though.

#and like. Katsuki is such an Integral part to WHY Izuku expresses his feelings the way he does #because again #izuku is a circus #and Katsuki is the audience #there’s no reading Izuku’s character and especially not this aspect without. well. reading his feelings about Katsuki as well. #they’re kind of two sides of the same coin #if you want to know WHY I believe the things I do then I think I have some metas labeled for that reason #bkdk

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 13th August ✨

Happy #AudioDramaSunday, lovely people! I’ve listened to so much audio drama this week and my house is so clean as a result 🫧 

SPOILERS BELOW!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods Starcrossed Gods!! I felt so brave daring to listen to this again. My heart 💔 Marolmar is written so well! Every sentence contains something to flinch at, it makes me sick to hear it all again. I’d also repressed the memory of how gut-wrenching Nikignik’s shouting at the end was, and how much it hurts to hear people trying to sing with a closed up throat. ANYWAY, I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’m not sure if the live show was released early due to logistical reasons, but I am fearful that it’s to provide context for what’s about to happen in the regular episodes (AKA tears and tears and tears for me). 

🦀 What an absolute delight to hear from the @thesiltverses cast again! These season recaps are so funny and it’s so heart warming to hear it when the cast of a show are clearly also its biggest fans. I’m SO excited for S3!!

🦮 @malevolentcast (34) what an episode!! If I recall correctly, this is the first time we’ve had an episode entirely without Arthur & John’s perspective? The Butcher is a worthy character to hold that mantle. Do I feel like I understand him more? No. Did I love being along for the ride? Absolutely. It’s also so weird to hear Arthur talking to John out loud when he thinks no-one can hear. I hope he makes it out in time! 

📻 @monstrousagonies (107) So thrilled to have this show back and I hope Hero is feeling much better! The first letter was so cute!! I’m sure there are lots of us who can relate to choosing love and kindness when we’re used to the opposite! Whichever bridge that little one finds, I’m sure it’ll be the loveliest by far!! 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions gave us the low-down on just how incredibly talented the Moonbase Theta, Out cast are in their Cast Special. Spoiler: Very. It was very wholesome to hear DJ Sylvis hyping everyone up and the episode is full of great AD and other recommendations! 

🎙Welcome to Night Vale is back!! I felt particularly targeted by the ad copy in this episode, but I’m sure that was their intention! This ep’s weather was particularly up my street too! I loved the harmonies! 

🎞 Tiny Terrors OOF hey so I found out what was up with Angela… and I didn’t like it one bit! I also need to know what the hell was happening at the end there. Jess, girl, you’ve got to stop getting yourself in these situations. It’s too much (for me to listen to)! 

🌍 @lastechoespod (8) I can’t believe it’s the last episode! Ishani Kanetkar was wonderful as Trast. I wish we could hear the final decision, but I guess I’ll just have to relisten and try decide for myself . . . 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Uhoh, someone’s arrived in Whitby . . . I love Mina so much and Isabel AdomakohYoung is doing amazing job as her VA. She captures the good-hearted intelligence I love so much about the character!

 💫 Wolf 359 (38-46 + Special!) Oh MAN this podcast has my entire heart. Isn’t Memoria one of the best episodes of anything ever? Oh, Hera, I love you sooo much!!!!! I also loved the Lovelace cliffhanger at the end of 46 and the special was so different but so good! (Although listening to 2 hours of anything is a challenge!! I need a 20-30 min ep or I can’t fit it into my life) 

🎩 @ethicstownpod (7) OH MY GOD. January fans are looking a little bit bloody silly right now! What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On???? Please, if you haven’t yet started listening to this show, now is your time! It’s SO good and has so many twists and turns!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (5) oh my GOD, imagine how horrifying it would be to be out in the woods to grieve your partner, only to hear their voice in the middle of the night. Nope. Absolutely not. Get out of the dead zone!! Wilson remains the goodest boy, even if his growls give me goosebumps! 

🎧 In this week’s The First Episode Of, W Keith Tims talks to the creator of Untrue Stories! These interviews are always fantastic and this show sounds so interesting for fans of sci-fi!! 

Thanks for reading! I’m so excited for more Regina Prime and to catch up with happenings in the Hallowoods next week! Hope you all have a restful weekend ✨

#audio drama #podcast #podcast recs #audio fiction #audiodramasunday #audio drama sunday #science fiction podcast #horror fiction podcasts #hfth spoilers #tsv #the silt verses #malevolent #malevolent spoilers #monstrous agonies #moonbase theta out #wolf 359 #w359 #wtnv #the last echoes #re dracula #ethics town #do you copy #the first episode of #untrue stories #tiny terrors

[saturnskyline]

“pro: he gets to work in his area of expertise! con: he isn't fully removed from the "vegas from the minor family" label that he clearly resents. hmm. many jumbled thoughts on this”

oh, oh wow, i just realized one thing, when vegas was his father’s second, he was never good enough, his father kept reminding him that. he celebrated minor victories with his men but those were not his father’s tasks. but imagine vegas working with porsche (hi, how are you, kinn?) and it’s nothing like that??? porsche genuinely appreciates vegas’s help, listens to his advice and says things like “thanks, that was amazing, vegas”, because porsche might have all the 100k essay feelings about vegas (and vegaspete????) but he isn’t stupid and knows that having vegas on his side is better than not. and porsche doesn’t mind saying thank you when he is thankful, he is genuine about that kind of stuff. so he just casually praises vegas here and there? like vegas is not actually a failure and good for nothing and disappointment??? and we already know they have amazing chemistry during combat so i want more of that. (porsche refuses to send his men without joining himself, fuck you, korn, you cannot lock this bird in a cage.) also porsche does not trust korn still and he cannot talk about it with kinn, and yes, they want to merge main and minor family, have them not compete but at the end of the day there are still two people not one leading two families. and it’s nice that porsche has vegas to back him up (how did we get here, ha ha) when he disagrees with the main family about something. anyway just some more thoughts about how porsche and vegas have so many layers to their relationship while i am panicking about a flight.

(prev post is here, and there's more where that came from. lots of layers to this hehe)

first of all, i'm sorry about the flight stress 😭 but i'm glad to distract from that in any way with my ramblings <333

and oh, i never thought about it like this before! i do think vegas is at least a little taken in by porsche's earnestness ("how can you live in this filthy world" ish .... sorry sorry), and how candid he is about everything. vegas has grown up in this web of lies, where no one is what they seem, but porsche, the uninitiated, brings a whole new perspective to the table. and sure, i can see this being a source of conflict, since it's such a blatant reminder of just how much porsche was decidedly not primed to be a mafia heir. but! i like to think that vegas finds it refreshing, in a sense. post-canon, he's in an entirely different state of mind; he's absolutely more vulnerable, and i think he would be pretty receptive to porsche's more open, positive feedback. don't get me wrong: i love when he's a slimy, manipulative little guy too, but i think his main focus now being to keep pete and macau safe has honestly changed him. plus, vegas and porsche are such a good team, i would love to see them playing nice :)

it's super interesting to consider how korn (rightfully) views them both as dangerous, too... vegas in the finale was such a wild card that he tried to take him out (i guess this is technically uncomfirmed but really. who else could it have been), and porsche is such a threat that korn has to trap him with his family and a position at kinn's side. now, if they could just team up and work together defeat the chess master, everything would be great!!

also your comment on porsche putting aside his 100k essay feelings when working with vegas is so !!!! exactly!! porsche really does seem like the type of guy to be able to compartmentalize their bad history in favor of a larger goal. "yeah it's true that he (insert literally anything from the laundry list of offenses), but we have good professional chemistry!" lol. it's possible that vegas concedes in a similar way as well, with porsche being head of the minor family (it's true that he doesn't have any choice but to accept this, as long as korn is breathing... but still).

anyway. i always dive right into these and then wonder if i'm even making sense ghdfjsdhf, but mostly what i'm trying to say is, i want these two to continue to bond over being "blinded by the adults", have weirdly wholesome moments in the future where porsche tells vegas that he is good, and continue to serve MASSIVE COMBAT CHEMISTRY LIKE THIS 🙏🙏

#like. is that too much to ask?? #i don't think so! #no bc i very much need vegas to hear that he did a good job and porsche should be the one to say it #and they really SHOULD have bad blood between them #but i just don't see porsche holding a grudge? #idk i might be delusional but yeah :D #vegas theerapanyakul #porsche kittisawasd #kpts #kp meta #asks

[suenitos]

your love post about dream just reminded me of something he said during a space. i can’t remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of understanding where his antis are coming from when they hate him for whatever he says or does bc you’re a different person in the perspectives of other people. and i remember being stumped when he said that cause that’s such a mature mindset to have? i love how he tries to do good, and at the same time i feel like he knows when to accept when he can’t change people’s minds. i obvi can’t read his mind but that’s how i interpreted it. but it just sucks now cause it’s a whole different story when it’s someone as close to him as tommy being at the opposing side :( i think we all know how hurt he is based on his likes, but i really hope it works out for him in the end, whether he makes up with tommy or not. i just want him to be at peace

i don’t know how articulate i am with this cause english isn’t my first language and i hopeeee i don’t sound too parasocial? 😭

good morning anon. youre so good dw about it i dont think you sound too parasocial at all. your english is great :) this got way too long so putting it under a readmore

i keep thinking about his "the internet is cold" statement and the way he doesnt immediately attribute someone disliking him to something malicious. he just kinda understands a lot of the shit against him is unserious at the end of the day and laughs it off which is admirable and maybe a bit scary (TO ME). i talked on priv a while back about him always reaching out to other ccs after they talk shit about him to clear up miscommunication over an assumption about HIS character, values, etc which is really mature and a minor droloism of mine but whatever. what makes this different is that it's someone he considered a close friend and very public shade/misrepresentation over another situation involving a personal project where he got burned by another "friend" like... thats just pure betrayal. i'd be pissed too! i'd be sooo mad OMG i'd rain hell on people.

the grind and fame seduces like no other... unfortunately most people value outrage and a quick buck and laugh over sincerity nuance and longevity and well thats the case with most dream discussions/mentions on the internet :( i feel conflicted because on one hand cc friendships and partnerships etc are awesome and amazing but there comes a point where most of the time shit happens (clout, money, etc) and they end messily so while i am sad about it sometimes it is the way it goes and not even dream is immune from that as a cc (snf munchy exempted). like its very danplan/try guys fallout to me (not exact matches but you get what i mean) its happened before and it has and will continue to happen to dream.

still feel really sad about it though because it was a really beautiful friendship born out of mutual respect and passion for the craft. loving people is scary as fuck because you dont know if or when they're gonna turn on you but we still do it anyway. i dont think its overly parasocial to say you wish him peace no matter what; at the end of the day he IS another guy and its not wrong to wish good on people you dont know. i hope it works out too :( many virtual hugs anonnie sorry for these walls of text jfc

#anon.txt #ask.txt

[rainbowsky]

Hello 🌈

Firstly, I want to tell you that I really enjoy your blog and want to thank you for all your updates and for always helping turtles. I really appreciate your efforts.

Secondly, I wanted to ask about DD. Some time back I read somewhere that DD isn’t comfortable with people mentioning his younger days especially his blonde phase. I was a little surprised when I read this because I absolutely adore blonde little DD. Anyways, I have no background knowledge on this.. I don’t even know if it’s true or false. I did ignore it for some time, but it often pops up in my mind whenever I come across old photos so I feel like I need a bit of a clarification, I just want know if it’s true and whether DD did actually mention this in the past or whether it’s just made up BS by people.

Thanks so much for your kind words, Anon! 😊

Anon is talking about the 'White Peony' look that DD debuted with.

There has been a lot of fan talk about that look...

Standard disclaimer: This is my own perspective on things and could be totally incorrect. I don’t have any special insight into DD’s thoughts.

It's actually a pretty controversial look in the fandom. Some fans love it, some fans hate it. Some fans are really judgy and awful toward fans who like it and will practically label anyone a pedophile who speaks adoringly about the White Peony or thirsts over that DD (because DD was underage when he had that look).

Just a reminder to everyone that there is never any excuse for being a dick. You're not protecting DD from paedophilia by bitching people out for thinking he is pretty with long blonde hair. Don't be ridiculous. The man is in his 20s now.

I’ve never been a big fan of the look myself. It just isn’t very aligned with his personality and demeanour. Not to say that he doesn’t look stunning in some of the pictures from that era. He does. It would be pretty much impossible for DD to ever look anything less than amazing. He’s just a handsome guy.

However, I think the White Peony is just a fantasy. A beautiful, sweet fantasy, but a fantasy nonetheless. It’s not representative of DD's personality, AFAIAC, and it can't hold a candle to the DD of today.

And there has been a lot of talk about DD being oversexualized and often lowkey sexually harassed back then because of the look. I don’t doubt this is true. We all know women are treated this way, and so are young beautiful effeminate men. This type of look strikes me as the sort of thing that would have made him a target for a lot of unwanted attention.

It would be understandable if DD hated the look. While he seems to enjoy exploring genderbending fashion, we also know that he is the sort of person who likes to do things on his own terms. This look would have been created for him based on how the management team wanted to market the group, and might not have reflected the type of image he wanted for himself.

He was marketed as the maknae of the group (the youngest), and the look accentuates his femininity and beauty and makes him seem younger, even vulnerable.

We know he loves being the cool guy and hates being seen as cute, and absolutely bristles at being called ‘beautiful’ or having a lot of attention drawn to his 'youth'. I think it’s possible that his sensitivity to those things is exacerbated by how he was treated as the White Peony.

We also know he is a hip hop guy who loves that culture, dance, music and fashion - even back then. This look is practically the polar opposite of 'hip hop'.

Just as one example of how he was treated back then:

When he was being interviewed as part of Uniq, a host told him he looked 'more feminine than a female' and that women would be jealous of how pretty he is. He reacted by laughing and that was interpreted as him being 'shy', but it looks to me like he's positively squirming with discomfort, and the smile never reaches his eyes.

Other people might have a different interpretation, but that's how it lands on me.

I realize that a lot of this is just conjecture based on my own understanding of DD and his career path. In terms of actual evidence that he hates the look, I have seen a couple of moments where he spoke negatively about it.

At one point he was talking about how awful the bleaching process was. He said it was painful and burned his scalp and the fumes hurt the eyes and nose, or something along those lines.

In another interview he referred to his blond years as his 'dark period', or something to that effect, and said that if he could he would delete all photos from that era.

Unfortunately I didn't save them, and after a lot of digging I still cannot find them. If anyone knows which interviews I'm talking about and can link these clips, that would be very helpful.

How does GG feel about it?

There are multiple rumors that GG loves the White Peony look. Obviously we can’t verify whether they’re true or not.

At one point GG is seen in the Untamed BTS saying that he prefers DD's 'natural' makeup look, so a lot of fans interpret that as meaning he wouldn't like dyed hair, earrings and makeup on DD either.

I personally think people tend to run away with that comment from GG and read far more into it than he clearly stated, but everyone has their own interpretation. Ultimately we will probably never know how GG feels about it.

Any discussion of this look and of this era of DD's career usually leads to at least some friction between fans. Just a reminder to everyone to be kind to each other. There is never any justification for social toxicity. A little humility goes a long way.

Ultimately I think DD looks so much better now, so much more mature and more distinctly 'himself', but there's no denying the White Peony was beautiful, and still captures fan hearts even today.

#bjyx #yizhan #timeline #white peony #yibo fashion #thanks so much #ask

[pinky369]

People that think that Olivia has to “prove” her love for Spencer or needs to do more or do all of these big gestures to prove her love or that she deserves to be love is full of BS and honestly had a very immature view on love and how relationships work

Of course, the big gestures is adorable and very much appreciated and makes us feel special, etc. and we love that Spencer does that, but big gestures isn’t the only way to prove love to someone and shouldn’t be like it’s also about the little things and the everyday things and loving someone in THEIR love language and not yours and while Spencer has done an amazing job at that, so has Olivia and that has been proven over the 4th season, let alone the whole show in its entirety like that shouldn’t be questioned in the slightest. From her showing up at the cemetery when he was visiting his dad so that he wouldn’t be alone, to setting up an intervention when Grace when he wouldn’t sign to Toledo, to literally defending Spencer to her dad and brother and even defending Spencer when Spencer is talking about himself lol, to always supporting him and watching all of his games, no matter if she was mad or not and did a watch party when she wasn’t there, to encouraging him to do what’s best for his future from his college situation to going to his own events to celebrate himself and was still willing to go if he didn’t want to and even in the stuff that she has said to him and about him, etc. and in her even listening to him and how his day went and always willing to understand his perspective and help him out and willing to drop articles that would’ve jumpstarted her career and taking herself out of his busy schedule so that he’ll have an easier time adjusting and being with his team like her love shouldn’t be questioned just because there’s no giant gestures and she has never done big gestures anyways in other seasons and her love wasn’t questioned so why question it now ?

Both of them has done an FANTASTIC job at making each other feel loved and given their pasts, especially Olivia’s and how she wasn’t really shown love or the love that she wanted and preferred. Also, I thought we have all concluded that she is not okay at all mentally and emotionally and when your mental health is compromised, that makes everything different and it’s unfair to fully expect that given that she’s going through a rough time and won’t even say anything so that he or anyone else would have another thing to worry about when it comes to her and she should also prioritize the relationship she has with herself as anyone should along with her relationship w/ Spencer. Working on herself should be a main focus for her and her working on her relationship with herself and working through her issues in a healthy way and she should be able to do that and form her own identity while being with Spencer. The way some people want it, it sounds like they want her to lose herself in “proving” her love for Spencer and sacrifice everything for him when that’s the problem; you shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything for your relationship and should have an identity outside of the relationship and her wanting to better her career doesn’t mean she loves him less (like do y’all care about her outside of this relationship or not lol)

Also, their love languages could be and probably are different like Liv is clearly a hopeless romantic (and it’s adorable) and she’s not used to receiving this type of love and loves movies, etc. so the big gestures is probably more up her alley along with the little, everyday things while Spencer really appreciates the little things like how he doesn’t have to fully explain himself because she automatically understands and gets him and willing to see things through his perspective and being fully there for him and encouraging him and supports (something that they both do) and them loving each other in their love languages is a very beautiful thing to see and not to be questioned.

#all american #olivia baker #spencer james #samantha logan #daniel ezra #spelivia #likeforlikes #like #love #tumblr #tumblrgirl #big gestures isn’t the only way to show love #and shouldn’t be regarded as much #she’s as down bad for this man as he is for her #that’s clear as day #her relationship with herself is just as important if not more important #and she should focus on that as well along with wanting even more for herself

[777interlude]

𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐕𝐒 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 :: 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 ?

Before I start, this is my first post, clearly. I wasn’t planning on posting or giving information on this account but i’ve been seeing something that not enough people talk about in the LOA/manifestation community, so i’m going to.

For example, let’s say i’m manifesting my desired body. There’s a difference between persisting and obsessing over my results. When you are obsessed with something, you are heavily and unhealthily obsessed with it, you’re desperate. your mind is flooded with finding out how to get your results, and how to get them fast because you feel so empty and distraught without them. When you’re obsessing over something you’re manifesting, 9 times out of 10, it’s because you’re doubting the fact that you’ll ever get it and you are not living in the end. In your 4D, your results are not there yet, which is why you continue to try to find new challenges and listen to new subliminals that will manifest your results faster. When in reality, change starts with you.

However, persisting is when you continue to believe in the narrative that you’ll get all of your desires. You know you already have everything you want, and even when you have doubts, you disregard those negative thoughts and continue to persist in your narrative, because you’re well aware that you are stronger than your doubts, and that persistence will always be key in your journey. Persist in the self concept that “Just because I see no results in the mirror, doesn’t mean i’m doomed to never have em”. You don’t have to change externally, just internally. Stop obsessing and start persisting. Decide what you want and truly focus on the end, persist in how amazing you are, how good of a manifestor you are, how you get all of your desires eventually.

I want to mention a lecture by Neville Goddard called Brazen Impudence, to sum it up, Brazen Impudence is when your 3D isn’t showing you what you desire, but you persist in it anyways (I recommend you look this up because he explains it much better than I can and it changed my entire perspective). It doesn’t matter how you get your desires, It doesn’t matter when you get your desires. All that matters is the fact that you. will. have. them. To quote Neville, “Adjust your thinking so that you won’t take NO for an answer”. If you’re manifesting but all you can think about is not having your desires or the chance that they won’t show up, THAT will reflect into the 3D and 4D, not your desires, which is why you have to persist. not obsess, know the difference.

PERSISTING :: “I know I will get my results, no matter what the 3D shows”

OBSESSING :: “I still don’t have my results, maybe I should try a new method”

PERSISTING :: *affirming that you have results throughout the day*

OBSESSING :: *getting angry when you look in the mirror and don’t see desires and affirming that it will never work*

PERSISTING :: *living as if you already have your results and detaching because you know you already have them*

OBSESSING :: *continuously taking in too much LOA content and overwhelming yourself trying to get results*

#loassumption #neville goddard #manifesation #manifesting #affirmations #law of assumption #subconscious #self concept #subliminals

[evelyne-am]

15th March 2023

15th March 2023 Day 2

That lack of sleep from the 4:30am cramps meant, I forgoed my want to be there when sir enters. I slept an extra 15 minutes and reached 8minutes before call time. Other than 2 of the boys everyone was already there warming up and I felt a bit shit. That extra 20 minutes early everyone comes, feels like a sign of community, setting up the room, warming up together, I told myself, unless I’m super sleep deprived, I won’t do it anymore.

By the way I haven’t mentioned yet. We are prepping a play to perform end May. we will be rehearsing morning till afternoon 6 days a week till the performance (with 5 days off for Eid,)  which will be 25 performances over 10-12 days! It seems a lot but trust me 2 months is Nothing, especially since we have miles to go. The day was super cloudy and so was Sir’s mood. I can feel the urgency to get the group synced but we are not. Not yet. One of the boys didn’t come, the shadow one, but nothing was said. First half we could sense sir’s frustration today that we all barely know each other and aren’t syncing. Today’s break I actually got. Sat on the roof (you saw my insta story with the transgender lady doing what my sister says is probably a tiktok (egula buzi na.)) I love Shilpakala, at any given time there are people singing, dancing, acting, there’s a jute fair downstairs, multiple events, in the evenings it is soo happening. However in the morning, there is this lovely inner circle calm around the scare people in the building. Only those who are the core team, or building their deep dedications are there at times like 8am. I feel amazing to be part of that. I started my career with western music and later did bangla music, I never really did the Dhaka route, of Shishu Academy, Chayanaot, Shilpokala. I’m the English medium girl who opened for Nemesis in Russian Cultural Centre, and later it was only through my choir Ghaashphoring and when I joined Mita Huqs Suurteertho that I got to do more traditional venues and events. I love it. My perspective of life is different, always has been. It’s not that my family isn’t Bengali enough, if you know them, you know that’s the opposite of true. But it’s that I was always different, I’ve always lived in my own world. A friend of mine, when told that im doing a play about 1971, instantly said, oh isn’t 1971 done to death already? And I felt like, not for me! I’ve never worked with it! I’ve never had that exposure to films/songs/events. Not because they don’t happen, it’s because I”ve never had my own connection to it. And so no, it’s not done to death! There are people like me, of my generation and younger who just know the basics from our class 4 textbooks, we’ve slept through 16 December and 26th March holidays. The English medium schooling system has  always had us not be as Bangali and aspire to be more Western, more “international” and sure that has helped me in some places, but be it Berklee or in my career, it is my connection to my roots that has gotten me places, and I am on a journey in Dhaka for the past 8 years to know all the things I missed. And I know for a fact there are many many like me, some who will never know, and some who are frustrated that they don’t. And yes there are aspects we get stuck on about 1971.. But the women’s side of the war, is the least talked about, least films, books, songs, museums, memorials. On top of that, it could be that this particular artist has not worked on a topic others have, just because others have I don’t feel like we should be limited exploring it. Anyway, Day 2 I still drooped during text reading, (diet coke didnt help, shall i try caffeine?), my left leg was slightly sprained from the fall; but we read M2, now we know all the 3 M stories. We were given some time to think about all 3 Ms and demonstrate some things about how we interpret all 3 M stories. I imagined one to be very forlorn and look out the window and as I did so to channel her, I saw something that I had been hunting for, just on the street of Segunbagicha (I’ll write later as certain peeps read the blog and I don’t want to give it away yet.) Despite the cloudiness of the morning vibes, overall day 2 in class went well, and we were assigned one each to work on for the actual “audition” and character development process.

If you are on my insta, you know I did a long walk through Ramna Park and DCL. Those are things I hope to have in my routine and write about as I explore more. I’m still struggling with time and sleep, this day too I could not get to my homework before it was 11pm, my remainder of the musical admin work is piling up too. I am trying to schedule my life, so I have less work hours outside this play, and still can afford my life. I will make it happen, some plans in the works. (Just need to wrap up some cocacola stuff :P ASAP)

[nflstreetsanimereviews]

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun (Bottom-Tier Character Tomozaki) Volume 1 Review

Coming back to the first volume after finishing volume 8.5 (the tenth volume of the Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun series), my perspective on the Tomozaki series has changed staunchly from when I started it. I’m not going to go back and show the review I made at the time – all I’ll say is that it was highly critical. Second time around, with the foresight I have now, my perception of this volume (and series) is vastly different. Is it one of the best things I've ever read? Definitely not, but Tomozaki has generally surprised me with well thought out it is–at least, compared to other light novel series. Not the toughest competition, I know. Anyways, what is the Tomozaki series about? Is it worth reading? Or are you better off just watching the anime adaptation?

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun (Bottom-Tier Character Tomozaki) is a romantic comedy light novel series about Fumiya Tomozaki, who is, as the title suggests, a self-described ‘bottom-tier character’. Being a gamer, Tomozaki is mentally unable to think of things in non-gamer terms. Therefore, life is a ‘shit-tier game’ that ‘isn’t worth playing’. Tomozaki, in his second year of high school, spends his days playing Attack Families (shortened to Atafami), this universe’s version of Super Smash Bros. Tomozaki isn’t a loser at everything though! Under the pseudonym ‘nanashi’, Tomozaki has established himself as the best online Atafami player in Japan. That's all he has, considering that he's written off the society around him–that is, until he meets the number two Atafami player in Japan–someone who was hiding in plain sight, and someone who thinks they can teach our dear main character a thing or two about this game of life.

After playing an online match against ‘NO NAME’, the second-ranked Atafami player in Japan, they invite Tomozaki to an offline meetup in order to ‘talk and have a rematch’. Coincidentally they both live in the same region of Japan. Our main character is taken aback when he finds out that ‘NO NAME’ is actually Aoi Hinami, his classmate and a ‘genius at life’. It turns out that Hinami isn’t only a star athlete and a top performer at school, but she’s also a savant at Atafami! The only thing more surprising to Tomozaki is how rude she is, calling him ‘a loser who’s going nowhere in life', and berating him for the lack of effort he gives in anything outside of Atafami. By turning off her ‘perfect girl’ filter, Hinami lets her mask slip and shows Tomozaki who she really is: a cynic who devotes every iota of her day to improving her standing at the high school totem pole. To Tomozaki, it’s amazing that someone who he describes as the ‘ideal Japanese girl’ would be so good at Atafami (and also be such a prick), but to Hinami, it’s severely disappointing that the one person she looked up to is actually ‘garbage without the slightest spark of ambition’. 

After some more bickering, Hinami ends up promising Tomozaki that she’ll show him ‘the rules of this game (life) one by one’. Reluctantly, Tomozaki accepts, mostly due to her explaining details in gamer lingo, language that he can understand. Despite having opposite lives, the two do think in similar ways. By 'gamifying' life, Hinami can explain situations like 'talking to people you don't know' as 'grinding experience'. If the whole ‘analyzing simple social cues and the society around them in gaming terms’ thing is especially annoying to you, then I'm gonna go ahead and say you won't care for this series.

In order to lift Tomozaki up from being ‘bottom-tier’, Hinami comes up with goals, both short and medium-term, in order for Tomozaki to ‘gain exp’. These goals can be as simple as ‘talk to three girls at school’, or as daunting as ‘obtain a girlfriend by the start of the next school year’. She also puts an emphasis on Tomozaki’s outward appearance, helping improve it in simple ways such as dressing more stylishly, walking more confidently, and having a non-gamer posture. The real challenge, and what makes the Tomozaki series interesting, is the bizarre assignments she gives him, such as wearing a mask and smiling under it in order to ‘train his facial muscles’. And that's nothing compared to ‘memorizing conversation topics’, where Hinami insists that Tomozaki use flashcards in order to always have topics he can bring up in conversation, just like she does. There’s also the voice recorder Hinami gives Tomozaki with the recording of a conversation they just had, which she wants him to use to ‘review’ said conversation. Obviously, this is insane behavior, but it’s part of how Hinami got to where she is today. If it worked for her, it can work for Tomozaki too, right?

When I first read this series, I made a comparison of Hinami’s teachings to those of PUAs (pick-up artists)–mainly in regard to Hinami’s machiavellian mindset when it comes to social dynamics. There’s a moment in this volume where she decides on who Tomozaki’s ‘main love interest' is going to be, after analyzing several conversations that Tomozaki has had with girls in his class (who Hinami ordered him to talk to). She makes this decision for Tomozaki without any input from him, not asking him even if he’s interested in her in the first place. Tomozaki, being a gentleman, refuses to play around with the feelings of girls, even if it hinders his 'leveling up'.

Ethics aside, Hinami is what makes the Tomozaki series worth reading. Her attention to detail, from memorizing every classmate’s seat to knowing where each classmate’s train stop is, is nothing short of incredible (and creepy). She single-handedly has risen to the top of athletics, academics, AND the school hierarchy, while even having enough time to grind and become a pro at Atafami. Knowing that she’s done it due to self-interest, and not because she wants to (or was forced to) is honestly fascinating to me. Hinami is one of the only characters in a light novel that I’ve read that’s a straight-up psychopath. If Power from Chainsaw Man's personality is inspired by Eric Cartman from South Park and Walter from The Big Lewbowski, then Aoi Hinami's personality (or lack of one) is inspired by Patrick Bateman (from the movie, not the memes) and Nick Saban (from West Virginia, but resides in Tuscaloosa).

The setting and characters themselves are generic for a light novel series. Other characters of note include: Shuji Nakamura, a hot-head who's as into Atafami as he is into sports, Yuzu Izumi, a classmate Tomozaki sits next to in class and uses often to 'level up', Minami Nanami (often referred to as Mimimi), a bright and cheerful classmate who 'smiles through it all', Hanabi Natsubayashi (often referred to as Tama-chan (against her wishes)), Mimimi's good friend and a fellow socially stunted high schooler, and Fuka Kikuchi, another classmate Tomozaki sits near to and uses to 'level up'. A great thing about this series is that it contains no wish fulfillment (well, other than having someone as mighty as Aoi Hinami try to unfuck your life). What I mean by that is that Tomozaki doesn't randomly get popular with girls for no reason other than because he's the main character. Not in this volume at least. It also shows that it doesn’t take that much change in order to glow up and be more sociable. It's a lesson that might be useful for those who read Tomozaki and find themselves in a similar situation to him.

The main drawback, to me at least, is the misutilization of Atafami. Atafami is a major plot point, don’t get me wrong, but you’d think that the best online player in Japan would have at least some interest in capitalizing financially on his talent. There’s no mention of professional play anywhere in the book. For all intents and purposes, eSports might as well not exist in the world of Tomozaki. I know it’s a small thing, but you would think that someone as anti-social as Tomozaki would relish the opportunity to get paid to beat people at Atafami. Then again, maybe he just has anxiety about signing up for tournaments. Perhaps Tomozaki doesn’t care about the profit motive and purely plays for the challenge. Or maybe he just doesn't want to smell other Atafami players' BO (Atafami is a Smash derivative, lest we forget). I find those reasons unrealistic, but then again, it's small potatoes in comparison to the overarching plot. 

It wasn’t that much of an issue to me, but the way that Tomozaki and Hinami talk to each other can be grating to most. It’s one thing for Tomozaki to think about everything in gaming terms, but the book really pushes it when Hinami AND Tomozaki both speak about life as an RPG. One example: After Tomozaki successfully is able to have a girl invite him over to her house (for Atafami training), Hinami’s explanation for his success is “The sword you were carrying just happened to work against the boss’s elemental weakness, and the shield you had just happened to resist the elements she used. A miracle, I’d say.” As a friend once said about a different series, 'No one speaks like this!'. Bringing back PUAs, the way the two speak about life and society reminds me of those dreaded bastards. Don't worry though, this series isn't secretly the biggest hit in the PUA community since The Game. 'The game of life' in this case is a race to the top of the light novel high school social ladder, not to see how many women you can seduce and elope with.

Tomozaki ultimately is interesting enough to keep up with. Even when I thrashed the series the first time I read it, I kept reading because I was interested in Tomozaki's journey. This novel ended rather weak in my opinion, but in its defense, it wrapped up a plot point that had served its purpose. The Tomozaki series is unique in the world of light novels – it’s one of the few light novel series where the main character gets nothing without effort, as compared to a more standard light novel where the main character gets everything with no effort. The worst thing a light novel can be is boring, and Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun definitely isn’t that. It’s silly, sometimes annoying, and sometimes fascinating. If you're into rom-coms, I think you should give it a read. Or perhaps check out the anime if you aren't that much of a reader. Light novels only take a few hours to read though, so it isn't that much of a challenge.

70/100

#bottom tier character tomozaki #light novel #anime #review #light novel review

[re-rencc]

a little something i never quite finished but somewhat liked that i thought i should share in here, its a byler rewritte of the van scene from wills perspective

to read on AO3

The air seemed to shift, something heavier settled in, mike was still looking at me, my hands were sweaty and I felt like jumping out the van and begging to whoever god had the disgrace of watching over me to give me mercy and a way out of this situacion, but I couldn't do that, not when my friend needed me, not when my sister was in danger, not when their happiness was something I could reach and take with my own hands and give to them, even if in the process I gave up my own, but right now, here, in this hot van that seemed to be robbing me of air, I wanted more, how selfish of me, but I couldn't stop, so with shaky hands and my heart in my throat I gave mike the opportunity to shut down my hopes, to deny and turn around and forget that I even asked.

“can I show you something?”

he nodded and as if I wasn't wishing for his rejection my heart pumped blood a little faster and the world appeared a little brighter

I looked at the painting in my hands, perfectly rolled up and concealed from the world, my heart, my mind, the only thing that for a while felt like my only purpose in a world that no longer had room for me

a deep breathe

a hand moving

a hand receiving

the transaction was over and now there's no turning back, no chance of me just ripping it off mike's hands and throwing it at the dry road left behind us

as he slowly unrolls it everything seems to stop in my heart, but he smiles, and I feel like he doesn't notice that that painting right there is everything in me I wish to extinguish but also hold on like a lifeline, the childish games that I love so much, the longing for something that was ripped from me, the love for someone that I cannot have, and yet, he smiles, so pretty and so dangerous

“this is amazing!”

relief floods my head and clears its way to my lungs that can finally breathe again so i nod and feel myself smile

“did you paint this?”

he sounds excited and happy and my heart can't take it but it also craves more and more and it's giving me unwanted hope, hope that things can go back to how they were

I let myself go, I let myself hope as if I ever stood a chance, as if I wanted one, but this isn't about me, it's about mike

“anyway, my point is, see how you are leading us here, you're guiding the whole party, inspiring us, thats-thats what you do, and see your coat of arms here, its-its a heart, and I know it's sort of on the nose but-but that's what hold this whole party together” you hold me together “heart, be-because, I mean, without heart we all fall apart”

everything is too much and the tears collect in my eyes uninvited

“even el, especially el”

he's looking at me so intensely, like he is drinking in every word, like he takes them and with careful hands stores them away in his heart, and if that not what I have been after, a single second of his attention

“these past few months she's been so lost without you, its just shes so different from other people and …when you're different, sometimes, you feel like a mistake” like you are fundamentally wrong, like you are broken, like you were never whole “but you make her feel likes she's not a mistake at all, like shes better for being different and that gives her the courage to fight on” you give me the courage to fight on, to love, because for every moment I felt not seen, faulty, incomplete, mike was there, and loving him was the most natural thing I have ever done

“if she was mean to you, or-or she seemed like she was pushing you away it's probably because she's scared of losing you just like you are scared of losing her”

so many tears, its like I have never even cried before

“and if she was going to lose you I think she'd rather get it over with quiqly, like ripping off a band-aid”

im ripping the band-aid, quick and with no looking back

“so yeah, el needs you mike, and she always will”

I always will

“yeah?”

I take in air but still feel choked

“yeah”

the tears cannot stop, I cannot stop, I put my hand in my mouth because what's the use of crying for something that never was, so I will mourn my own heart in silence, because even if not rejected I was not truthful, as tears pour I realize that things have changed, that things had to change, that's always the realization that hurts the most, because I yearn for the sleepovers and hours playing D&D, for the simplicity of not understanding what you feel, for the almost naive and childish love

I really wished things never changed but with how much has happened that almost seems foolish to think

#byler #will byers #mike wheeler #fanfic #its not finished yet #or ever #stranger things #i dont know what this is but enjoy #but enjoy #ao3 fanfic

[fuzzystudios]

some meta on the biggest simp™ of TMF

Hellooooooo local populace of tumblr. If you’re looking for something toa-related unfortunately this is not the post you are probably looking for, but alas! I write it anyway. Now to find out if the series has anything on tumblr…

This is about tmf (the music freaks) a series by rosyclozy on youtube (which is honestly the superior gacha series compared to every other series i’ve ever seen, imo), so please check it out! The editing is truly *chefs kiss* and it’s voice acted and so good omg.

Onto the thing!

In my experience, people seem to really underplay peer pressure – it really isn’t as simple as they say. “Just say no and leave if they offer you drugs” and whatnot. It’s not always illegal drugs or crimes or something (even though you should avoid that anyway); sometimes, the people you hang out with affect what you do, change how you act, who you are, your other relationships. And that’s where I introduce the skrunkly guy called Jake, the protagonist!!

Poor guy has been bullied for his passion. When he gets taken in by a popular guy and his friends, he is given protection from his bullies – but as time goes on, he becomes a bully himself. (villain arc??) you became the one thing you swore to destroy- why? Because he wanted to fit in, to keep his friends. In this world, it’s yeet or be yeeted, and it’s not different in tmf either, apparently.

The desire to fit into a community is a basic part of us. That’s why peer pressure is so strong – we want to be “doing it right”, “fitting in”, and being accepted by others around us in the community.

Or who knows! Maybe my perspective is skewed because I'm more of a doormat than others. But this isn’t considered in those lessons I've been taught.

Passion – passion and motivation probably power the world. It’s probably how we even got this far as a species. Ao3, for example, is notorious for having some extremely hardworking authors delivering amazing content for free… and I suppose the series I'm talking about right now is also a great example. Peer pressure vs. passion? Oh boy, that poor guy. Something that drives you, that gives you happiness, vs. something that changes you, affects your “character”, gives you a degree of satisfaction? That’s an internal war.

I don’t think anyone thinks this decision between 2 groups is anything remotely easy for Jake, but just in case, I'm gonna say it because I want to: it really isn’t easy in the slightest. There will always be people who clash and don’t get along. Being torn between 2 friends (perpetually, not just 2 friends who had a fight), is horrible. (again, experience). Out of fear of losing one or the other side’s liking of you made that… incredibly awkward tbh lol. All you wanted was to be friends with both with no conflict but here we are! C’est la vie, or something. Society is a work of art. Our poor, poor resident simp.

In the upcoming (hopefully soon 🙏🙏) episode 10, Jake will probably continue to be given the cold shoulder by the music club, but on the other side? He might realize that they framed him and made this happen, so HE might give the POPULAR ONES some ire too. (or not. Pesky society things.)

(and if that happens, he’ll be really alone. Alone like he was in middle school. Back to square 1.)

But things are gonna go DOWNNN and i’m excited to see just how they will occur!

#rambles #not toa #the music freaks rosyclozy #essay thing #bad quality posts