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#are characters making conscious aesthetic decisions

littlebigmouse · 5 months

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One worldbuilding detail Soul Eater really had going for it was the way they explained everyone having weird, unique and horror-movie inspired names such as Soul Eater, Black*Star, Franken Stein.

The school all these kids attend allows them to sign up with any name they want and to change their names once every six months.

You better believe if I were a thirteen year old with the ability to turn into a scythe and eat monster souls I'd call myself Soul Eater too. "But isn't his original name 'Soul Evans'? That's already a weird first name." He's from a family of musicians. He probably has a cousin called R'n'B.

It also made for the very nice touches in charaterisation where you'd see a character calling himself "Ox Ford" and knew immediately which brand of arrogant, insufferable child-prodigy this guy represented and you'd be absolutely right. Why is there a girl who can turn into a lantern who's name is "Jackie O'Lantern"? Because she's the funniest teenager on the squad.

Shoutout to Maka Albarn for taking her education so seriously she decided to not get herself a fun name, and to Justin Law, who let's say, subverted expectations.

It also just makes total sense for their wacky and non-conforming headmaster to not give a shit about names, or birth names, or gender norms. Death said trans rights, yo.

#bonus points to death the kid who absolutely just kept the name he was given at birth #death was really horrible at naming things #no wonder he just handed that responsibility to the kids #soul eater #soul eater meta #worldbuilding #soul eater just embraced that people are just like that and that a lot of the weirdness in the setting #are characters making conscious aesthetic decisions #why was medusa never caught as a fake nurse despite not changing her name or appearance?#because there is a literal zombie on the teaching staff and it's not the person covered head to toe in bandages #the overwhelmed half-scythe-man having meltdowns in the hallway is the most normal guy here medusa didn't trigger anyone's weirdness radar #they just thought she was a lesbian #that's probably how stein caught her out anyway #shonen anime

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marciaillust · 16 days

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How long does it take for you to finish drawing?

I'm an artist (beginner) and i unconsciously set unrealistic goals for myself and need a reminder of how long it takes to complete a drawing, Thanks.

Hi! In the context you presented it in, that is a really interesting question, so I'll try to approach it thoroughly. I hope I won't make you roll your eyes too much.

Where to start, where to start... I guess the first thing I should say is that there is a difference between time I spend preforming the action of <drawing>, and the time I spent <working> on a particular piece. The first would be counted in hours, the second one - days. I'm a big believer in slowing things down, and giving things time - going through options, gathering research and references, taking breaks every 1h of sitting and drawing - and seeing things through until I achieve the goal I set at the beginning of the process.

The goals are usually different each time: "quick design", "character exploration", "analysis of an artist's linework and experimenting with the knowledge gained", "creating an aesthetically pleasing image", and so on and so forth. Of course I don't write these down like it's a school assignment, but knowing in the back of my head what I'm actually doing helps me manage my expectations. I also enjoy being conscious of why I create - when I was younger regardless of what I was doing I had the thought "AND IT MUST LOOK GOOD AND PRESENTABLE! BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK!" ...and I think that obsession is the cancer of creative process.

Since the goals for each picture are different, the time I'll spent on achieving each one will be different as well, because the "satisfactory results" lay in different places. For example, the Marcile sketchpage was created in one afternoon, and took approximately 3 hours. The goal was to play around with a brush that has no opacity forcing my lines to be more decisive. I did that and so it is "finished". There's nothing else I want from it.

On the other hand, the cover of Asterism took about 10 days to create, the goal of which was to make "an aesthetically pleasing cover picture taking colour inspiration from the works of (specific list of artists)". I took my time designing it so that it looks aesthetically pleasing, made sure the anatomy is "correct" (a nebulous statement when it comes to stylised humans), took my time masking, and picking colours, and shading. I wanted it to "look good" to my own eyes so if something was not working I would go back, change it, alter it, move it around... that's the wonderful thing about personal art, you can take as long as you like making something satisfactory.

The funny thing is, with what the Asterism cover actually is (a cellshaded image), it could have been done probably in 4 days by the me 4 years ago. But that person was willing to sit 8-10 hours a day to draw with no breaks, she had little social life, and treated herself as a little circus seal performing tricks so that people clap around her, and the clapping was soooo nice because it meant that people remembered her and she mattered. And it worked for her! For long 10 years! Until her arm gave out, and the reality of never being able to draw again became more tangible than ever, and it's been following her like a fog ever since for the past 4 years. The me today works about 4 hours a day and every hour I take about a 30 minute break. I also don't post half the stuff I draw. There is also another aspect that dictates the speed of creating and that is familiarity with the subject matter. The less you know something, the fast you'll draw it! But as you get to know the intricacies of the process, and see all the building blocks, it will start taking *longer* because you will start accounting for every block. But then you'll eventually get familiar with the blocks and so the time spent on a picture will go down again! The cool yet overwhelming thing about art is that, there are always hundreds of building blocks. Form, composition, ambient occlusion, saturation, hue, light balance, line form...... and those are just the *some* of the generalised *categories*. And each category will have it's own subsection of building blocks! And then those blocks will interact with each other to create completely new area of expertise! This is crazy! Marcille sketch page took me only 3 hours to create because I am already quite familiar with linework - I have drawn 3-4 comicbooks worth of linework. This also means I am familiar with believable anatomy, more or less, which got utilised in the Asterism cover - the main bulk of linework got created during a 3h livestream. So.... what's the answer.... "It's all relative" is so unsatisfactory and probably not what you looked for. But you can draw something in 3 days and kill your body over it. Or you can become an expert in a field and dish the same picture out effortlessly in 8 hours. You can also split that 8h block over multiple days bringing you back up to 3 days. You could even add a whole day of visual research which might make your picture only marginally better. And even if we calculate it in terms of raw working time, pen-to-paper, like a self-inflicted capitalist tumor, that time can fluctuate still due to personal visual library and knowledge base. If I asked Tom Fox how long it takes for him to create his sketch pages his answer would probably be downward of 30 minutes. Yet I need whole 3 hours to create something *less* anatomically correct than him. And so here we are at the end of this perhaps unnecessary essay. And all we learned is this: it depends. Dry, not nuanced tl;dr, my personal timings: single sketch - 30mins; single linework pic 1-2h; Cellshaded illust - 16h; Rendered illust: 20-25h.

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epicmomentforthegamers · 7 months

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My Analysis of Madoka Kaname's Magical Girl Outfit.

This post will contain spoilers for Puella Magi Madoka Magica as well as Madoka Magica: Rebellion!

This is Madoka Kaname's magical girl design she maintains throughout all timelines of Madoka Magica. In this analysis, I will be explaining why this design is mote important than aesthetics, and how it plays into PMMM's storytelling.

The Red vs. Yellow Ribbon

The red ribbon Madoka wears all throughout the series is introduced in episode 1, where her mother, Junko, instructs her to pick it over a yellow ribbon. This scene has a major significance in Madoka's character, showing her as a timid and generally maliable person, but also has the importance of introducing Madoka's first moment of autonomy. Madoka chooses to wear this ribbon, even if it is under the instruction of her mother, and picks it over the yellow ribbon, which she can later be seen wearing in Rebellion and sharing the eye colour of in her goddess form. This is important as Madoka's other forms, whether altered by a wish or a corrupted soul gem, all contain something she did not choose: the colour yellow. In Madoka's final moments as a conscious human being, she hands off her last bit of autonomy over to Homura, both metaphorically and literally with the passing of the red ribbon. When she reaches godhood. Madoka can be seen wearing white ribbons, which, in a traditional fashion, represent the purity a holy being would possess. However, this could also be seen as the nullification of both the red and yellow ribbon. Madoka has made the ultimate choice and therefore has rid herself of mortal woes, including that of need for autonomy and personal choice. She becomes merely a concept, which is everything and nothing. Madoka has made the ultimate movement of autonomy by choosing to sacrifice it, and the white ribbons show how neither the red nor yellow ribbons have an impact on her anymore, and how neither what she wants to be vs. who she is matters in her new state.

Madoka's Self Design

Unlike all the other main magical girls presented in the show, Madoka willingly chooses her outfit to wear while fighting witches. While not the most practical, it represents her first step towards being her own person, separate from friends and family. Madoka has found a way to prove her worth as a singular individual through the form of being a magical girl, and while she does not become one until much later in the series, this significance shows in her designing what will ultimately become the beginning of her end and the end of the witches. When wearing this outfit in the last episode, Madoka has fully embraced her self-worth, capability, and ability to make her own decisions. She has taken her first rudimentary step towards self-confidence and embraced it, defining herself as both the Madoka who chose to sacrifice everything for the world as well as the Madoka who was scared she would never make an impact on the world.

Feminity and Girlhood

PMMM, under all the scary scenes and flipped expectations, is still a magical girl series. A series directed at young girls and women to generally find self-worth in their feminine qualities. Madoka is the epitome of this, being the almost idealistic girl. Mild-mannered, timid, quiet, and kind. Madoka is the "perfect" girl in manner senses. However, instead of turning this trope on its head to present feminity as a negative, it instead shows it as a strength. Madoka's feminine design, both as a magical girl and as a goddess, represents her feminine qualities without shying away from the weaknesses of patriarchal societies and negative self-worth projected onto young women (I will touch on this more in my Sayaka outfit analysis). Madoka, as well as embracing feminity, is embracing girlhood as a whole. This feminine design is a representation of being a girl, or at least what society expects from girls. Madoka, in embracing what it is like to be a teenage girl, is made to represent the power behind women in any society, magical or not.

Godhood and Acceptance

In Madoka's final appearance in the main series, she appears as a god who is watching over the world, eradicating witches and saving magical girls. In this design, we can see her as a large figure dressed in white. This, of course, is similar to how many holy figures are presented, white generally being the colour of purity. Another thing to notice is Madoka's eye colour, which had changed from pink to yellow. I believe this shows Madoka has not only done what was mentioned prior but accepted all parts of herself, including the girl who was afraid of looking too flashy.

Rebellion and The Yellow Ribbon

Madoka, existing within Homura's new world that was created from her corrupted soul gem, is seen wearing the yellow ribbon from the first episode. I believe that this version of Madoka, being Homura's (in her mental state in Rebellion) ideal version of Madoka, is less confident than the already meek Madoka we see in the first episode of the main series. With no friends like Sayaka or Hitomi to support her due to her being a transfer student in Homura's new reality, it is natural she would be less bold. This coincides with the yellow ribbon once again, representing Madoka's lack of autonomy in the situation, being a fabricated version of herself to represent Homura's idealistic view of her. This concludes with Homura being unable to handle this version of Madoka she has created and returning her red ribbons, but even this can not return Madoka's basic autonomy to choose her own destiny. Madoka's choice, as timid and frail as it was, was to wear the yellow ribbon, only to have that replaced by Homura with the red ribbon. No matter what, her self-control is taken away from her, whether it is by death, witches, corruption, or obsession.

#puella magi madoka magica #madoka magica #madoka kaname #mahou shoujo madoka magica #character analysis #pmmm #design analysis

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accio-victuuri · 8 months

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MY RECENT READS ( April - August 2023 ) 📚

a mix of manhua/manhwa/danmei novels. i’ve also been on an omegaverse binge so you’ll see a couple of those on here. this is my way of documenting what i’ve read and sharing it to anyone who is probably looking for their next read.

I have linked the actual source of where i read them so you can look up the summary & reviews and see if it’s something you like. Please mind the tags and warnings too. ^^

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MANHWA/MANHUA

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Limited Run ( Seasons 1 & 2 ) - sometimes i’m just in the mood for some toxic relationship with good smut and this hits the spot. tho the MC (Yeon-Oh) is really put in an ugly situation, and really just wants to have a better life and escape. It’s not his fault. The power imbalance is definitely there and like 99.9% of people reading it is there for the smut.

Love Shuttle ( Seasons 1-3 ) - I am very late to this story cause when I started reading this was always at the top of people’s rec lists — especially for omegaverse and now i know why. I love a younger alpha x older omega dynamic so I’m happy with that then add in the enemies to lovers trope. The characters are likable and the story progresses well. Usually for omegaverse, there’s always some angst going on but this felt enjoyable to me. Totally a good read.

Omega Complex ( Completed ) - I AM ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS STORY. I have read it multiple times and it’s marked as completed, but the extras are not. If I were to pick my ideal omegaverse story and art it would be this. Again. Older Omega x Younger Alpha. This one is they started as childhood friends who became estranged because of “circumstances” and met up again in college. The school setting itself and supporting characters are well done too. Most stories have fleshed out supporting characters only if they will be a second couple or something, but this does not use that ploy.

There are misunderstandings but i’m okay with that. I know people are stupid and bad at communication in real life so i don’t really get readers who complain about it. Maybe if it’s too much or doesn’t serve a purpose. It’s necessary in this one tho.

THE SMUT IS GORGEOUS. No. Really. How can you describe smut as gorgeous? Well. Read it and you will find out. 👀

BUT THE BEST THING IS I AM INVESTED WITH THE PAIRING. I love them so much. 😭😭😭 from childhood friends to going to school together and all + grown ups.

Their aesthetic also kinda reminds me of the GG & WYB. so yeah.

Cheeky Habits of my Rabbits - what happens when you combine absolute cuteness and smut? This. I love it. It shouldn’t work, the premise is weird, but it’s a great read! hilarious too. Neungso is the most precious bunny!!!!

The Pizza Delivery Man & the Golden Palace ( on Hiatus ) - How do I even begin to describe this without foaming in the mouth. I wish the hiatus will be over and we will know more and see how the story progresses. It looks like a simple premise, MC is a pizza delivery guy who is struggling and he forms a relationship with a rich regular from the “golden palace”. BUT NOOOO. The writing is special. The way the ML’s struggle with his anxiety/trauma and how MC’s simple kindness helped him is so romantic.

Especially the scene when they first met in the rain and the MC offered his umbrella. You never know what people are going through, so it’s best to be kind. It was such a small gesture but it changed both of their lives.

It’s a story of how love can heal. 😌

Plus the MC — Woo Won is one of my favorite leads ever. He is so gentle and kind even if the world is treating him badly, he still makes a conscious decision to be good. He deserves all the love and success! ML ( Seo-An) better spoil him well! 😤

Their problems don’t magically disappear, it’s just easier to exist because you have someone standing beside you. 🤍🤍🤍

The New Recruit ( completed ) - a solid office romance. if you’re into that then pick this up! there’s no toxic power imbalance going on or abuse. I like how MC is someone who started his career a bit late, so he is older than his peers and still a newbie. A perfect read over the weekend.

Mr. Y & Mr. J - I can’t find the link to the completed version I read so sorry for that. Anyway, this one is with theme of “regression” is I think the right time. Where the MC dies and lives again years prior. So they get a second chance at life. The setting is also entertainment industry which i personally enjoy so there was no way i won’t like it.

Salad Days ( Season 1 ) - Something I AM VERY LATE to. I think everyone and their mom have read this so I won’t go into details. I loved the first season and will definitely go back to finish the rest. The pairing is so OTP material 💟

The side characters in the MC’s life, his friends, are so precious too!

Dawn of the Dragon ( Season 1 ) - Fantasy / Smut. That’s all I can remember. What I really wanna know tho is the backstory of the Dragon and who was his mate from the past. I have a feeling the MC is some sort of reincarnation of that person.

Raising Beta (completed) - A very short read. It’s fucked up. LOL. Basically the MC is a beta and the ML who is obsessed with him turns him into an Omega. not only that, he did a lot of other things all in the name of “love” and as a reader you are there to watch it and you can’t do anything to help the MC. It’s definitely an experience to read this. It reminds me of something Kai Bi Qiu might write so maybe that’s why I enjoyed it more than i should. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Hyacinth (completed) - Awwww this one is sweet and makes me all somft. I have re-read this too cause it’s pretty short and the art is beautiful. The MC’s focus on how many meals he has shared with ML was a nice addition and added to the romance.

Plus their little family of three is so cute! XIAO YI IS THE BEST KID. 🥹🥹🥹

How to snag an Alpha ( Completed ) - All I can say is that it’s super funny and the MC is definitely a character. I got so much secondhand embarrassment from the shit he pulls but he ended up getting the Alpha so i think it’s worth it! 😂

Sweet not Sugar ( Season 1 ) - I found this when searching for “green flag” alphas and well this satisfied that. I love the MC here so i’m happy that he gets to be with someone who doesn’t treat him like trash. The MC is at a point in his life where he thinks everyone is out to abuse him in some way so meeting ML unsettles him.

LEE DAN! You deserve to be loved! No matter what happened to you in the past 🥹🥹🥹

December ( Season 1 ) - This is one that I actively check to see if it’s updated cause I’m so invested with the pairing. It should be the usual omegaverse trope but add in the backstory, somehow makes it special. They both meet years ago and MC who is an omega “awakened” the ML into being an Alpha. ML then looks for this mystery person and when he finds him, he will do everything to keep him.

I’m doing a very bad summary i know, i promise it’s not boring. There are other issues discussed in the story, like how horrible omegas are treated. I looooove it when the Alpha goes feral and violent in certain moments too but when it comes to his Omega he is somft.

Their library dates too!!!! 😍😍😍😍

Who’s baby is it? ( Ongoing 200 + chapters ) - My comfort read! I swear. The plot was initially straightforward then it went in a bizarre direction but i still like it. It’s still not finished even with all the chapters and I imagine they can still stretch it to last forever 😂😂😂

My fave would definitely be the children! Rourou!!!! I initially picked this up cause I wanted a story with a cute kid. and i got what i wanted.

+ Entertainment industry setting <3

My Delicious Dream Boy ( Completed ) - The kind of supernatural read that still manages to be fun and light. The MC here is funny without even trying. He only wants to have friends and experience “college life” after years of having to stay at home because of his sickness. The plot could have easily gone dark but it focused more on relationships and the pairing’s growth as individuals — which was so much better for me. Definitely a favorite and reread material.

Affectionately ( Completed ) - This could have been more fleshed out cause there is more story to tell but what can i do.. It is what it is…

It features cute animals cause the MC is supposedly gifted in interacting with them and the ML is the complete opposite. They also work at a cafe together. I chose to read this cause I wanted fluff and it did not disappoint.

My favorite glasses holder ( Completed ) - the MC and his love for men with glasses 😂😂😂 ML is a grumpy kitty and works so well with MC’s bright personality. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as i do. After this, I have craved for more modern setting stories.

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DANMEI NOVELS

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Deer Fei Fei - an adorable story of the MC who is in the entertainment industry and his “senior” who he idolizes. if you are into a fanboy getting his idol trope they give it a try. It’s also really short with 32 chapters only 💕

Transmigrated and forced to do Business - my guilty pleasure is when the MC transmigrates in the book where they are supposed to be the villain but they don’t want that. So they do everything the can to be on the good side of the book’s protagonist and well… we all know what happens after.

Have you ever met such a cold author? - Fanboy reader who writes fanfics meets his favorite author. That’s it. I was sold with the premise and it did deliver. ☺️

Bu Wang - I started the Manhua and wanted more so I MTL-d it over at gonzicp so I don’t have the proper english translation. I was just craving for a merman type of story and this popped up. It was nice! How the ML became so devoted to him and chased MC when he left AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Stars run to him - I have to take Knoxt ( website ) for this cause i swear i was only browsing completed novels and I randomly clicked on this. It’s what i love about Knoxt, there are translated works there that are not as popular. Absolute gems that deserve more audience.

This is a perfect example. 💕

DON’T LET THE SUMMARY FOOL YOU. I enjoy myself some fake dating for sure, but this is so much more than that. Especially that clue in there : “Gu Zhongyi has loved him for many years…” I don’t think I’ve ever read something like this and that’s why it stuck with me. It would have been so confusing but it was written very well and seeing it all unfold is a treat. Definitely a classic.

It seems there is light - Such a pure story. I swear. A great story about first love and two people who care for each other. It may be boring to some, depending on the headspace you’re in, but please give it a try.

-END.

#if im not working or doing chores or in yizhan mode — i am reading.#personal #book rec #book recs #mlm book recs #danmei recs #manhua #manhwa #manhua rec #manhwa rec

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twoheadedcalfsanctuary · 3 months

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DNDADS ASTRO HEADCANNONS PART ONE

Glenn Close- TAURUS SUN

preoccupied with sensation/tangible pleasures like food, sex, drugs, I feel like music could even be part of this even though it’s not tangible it’s still a sensory experience. Aesthetic informs meaning. More likely to blame circumstance than self.

stubborn. stands up for himself and his friends and accomplishes the impossible through sheer force of will! But,,, also sticks with bad situations, people, and thought patterns/behaviors long past harm is done.

venusian. inclined towards the arts, and has very specific tastes. romantic. as sort of a beautiful reframing of the stubbornness, taurus’ coloring of the Venusian energy is so devoted compared to flirty/flighty libra-He still considers himself married long after his wife is gone and still wears his wedding ring.

Darryl Wilson- SCORPIO SUN

allergic to vulnerability (but expects it from the people around him)

once those emotions are uncorked though, they are INTENSE

fitting for a barbarian to be ruled by mars, the planet of ACTION and RAGE

Scorpio is the sister sign to taurus and is said to be just as devoted!

I’ve also heard it said before that scorpio is just cancer in a leather jacket- I feel like that really fits the parallels Darryl has with Grant, who I’d list as a Cancer sun, because they’re similarly guarded, but Darryl is still this intimidating figure to Grant and it kind of accounts for that added angle of how well either of them are able to adhere to traditional masculine standards and how that effects the way Grant sees Darryl.

Henry Oak-Garcia- canonically a GEMINI SUN if I remember correctly!

genuine love for exchange of information and ideas combined with a love of hearing himself talk and being seen as intellectual makes for a lot of ideological rambling

friendly and sociable!

air sign emphasis on communication.

Mutable energy that can mean struggling a lot with identity and dissonance-conscious morals needing to be abandoned under disparate circumstances, repression and disowning of how he was raised and where he comes from, and sometimes just a straight up inaccurate perception of self (presenting as laid back, and occasionally believing it himself despite being very high strung. The points when self hatred and/or sense of moral righteousness clouds his ability to be as nonjudgmental as he says he is)

Ron Stampler- PISCES SUN

head in the clouds

sensitive

ruled by neptune, planet of dreams and illusion- homie has symbolically significant dreams and is sliiightly less tethered to reality than most hahshshhshsb

and CANCER MOON!

empathetic

relates to others by sharing personal experience, attempts to show evidence of understanding

insecure, defensive

Vibes of a cartoon character. Those “Drake the type guy…” memes also apply to him

CAPRICORN RISING

very important to him that he is taken seriously, particularly in his career and fatherhood, two things frequently attributed to the archetypal capricorn

Played by Beth May, real life capricorn

With his rising opposing moon, the way he thinks/makes decisions/internally reacts to things makes it difficult for him to actually be taken seriously. This fella is deeply silly In a tragical way

#AHHHHHH I NEVER THIUGHT ID ACTUALLY FINISH THISS #dungeons and daddies #dndads #glenn close #darryl wilson #henry oak garcia #ron stampler #actual play podcast #dnd #astrology #the elements are so well balanced in the s1 dads #and what they lack in fire comes through w the kids #posts just for me #also disclaimer I’m not like. an astrologer #I’m just a girl with a hyperfixation and a dream

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blackhholes · 10 months

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Agency and Autonomy in Teen Wolf

Agency and Imagination in the Films of David Lynch by James D. Reid & Candace R. Craig / Redefining Biological Horror: The Aesthetic Evolution of an Infected Body in HBO’s The Last of Us by Flavius Floare / Superfluous Bodies and Loneliness in Under the Skin by Donald Prentice / ‘We are not who we are’: Lovecraftian Conspiracy and Magical Humanism in The Cabin in the Woods by Christopher Lockett

Agency and autonomy are brought up repeatedly throughout the show. The catalyst of the narrative is when Scott is bitten by Peter against his will and turned into something he doesn’t even recognise anymore. This idea is repeated throughout the show when characters repeatedly have their agency stripped from them by other characters. In just the first season we see peter repeatedly forcing Scott to turn, inducing homicidal urges and triggering amnesia. Both of these actions are then later in the show repeated by Scott on other characters, though the reasoning is different in such a capacity we as the audience are made aware that the loss of autonomy does not stem from bad faith. When Scott forces Malia to turn and when he bites Liam, it is done because it is the only way for him to save their lives. This is an important distinction as when Peter did this he only ever did it as a way to make himself more powerful, he needed a pack and for Scott to be part of that pack so he’d be strong enough to take on the hunters and Kate. It is also important to note that Liam and Malia are allowed within the narrative framework of the show to be angry about this. Liam directly at Scott when he is initially turned and Malia at Stiles as a sort of proxy-Scott within Eichen House. Because they are allowed to show their grief and anger at losing part of themselves, they are then later able to reconcile this anger they’ve felt with the reasons Scott acted as he did and they both become important members of the pack.

Body horror usually follows instances when a character is stripped of agency, their body physically turns on them and they’re no longer able to control the things it does. This further visualises the invasiveness of what happened to the character for the audience, we now have a visually gruesome component to the incidents taking place, making it much more horrific for us to witness. This is particularly highlighted in season five with the chimeras. Chimeras within the show are repeatedly stripped of their agency and autonomy in an effort for the dread doctors to perform experiments on them. They don’t have any recollection of this happening to them, without their knowledge their bodies are changed and begin acting without their conscious decisions. When the pack brings Tracy to Deaton it’s a particularly repulsive image that greets the viewer, her back cracks open, all her bone and muscles are on show for us and a tail grows out of nowhere. When a character consents to something like the bite we don’t actually see the changes happening to their bodies. Isaac, Boyd and Erica are never given the same initial scenes as Scott of bodily changes, they simple weren’t werewolves then they are. The closest we get to this is the scene in the train car during the full moon, but during that scene it is not their bodies turning on themselves, it’s them turning on Derek. The violence is not turned inwards it’s turned outwards.

Then how come a character like Jackson who wanted the bite has multiple body horror scenes throughout season two? Jackson wanted to become a werewolf, the bite was merely the means to an end. Assuming Derek never told him it’s clear he had no idea there was a possibility he might turn into something like the kanima. He is not only turning into something he never wanted he is also in a sense being possessed. He is no longer the only occupant in his body, the kanima is someone he initially has no knowledge of, a creature that is basically using his body to commit murders at the will of Matt. Matt too becomes one of the theoretical entities possessing Jackson’s body as the show makes it clear to the viewer in Raving that the kanima and Matt have a sort of telepathic connection.

Stiles’ possession by the nogitsune in three b is interesting because it is a clear instance of a character within the show having both agency and autonomy stripped from them but there are hardly any distinct body horror scenes to visually showcase this. The effect of the nogitsune’s possession has a more hidden and somewhat downplayed effect on his body than that of other creatures seen in the show. Stiles begins to look sickly as the season progresses, the bags under his eyes grow more pronounced, he becomes paler. The only true body horror scene the audience sees is when the nogitsune splits the two and starts ripping bandages from its throat in a sort of gruesome circus act. After this Stiles’ body continues deteriorating until he is no longer able to stand on his own and he looks like he’s on the brink of death.

Lastly it would be impossible to write a post about agency and autonomy in Teen Wolf without discussing Lydia. It could be argued that the instances where Lydia is stripped of autonomy are less grand in comparison to other events in the show but it happens repeatedly to her and to such a degree that leaving her out would be a major disservice. The two major ones in my opinion are the season one finale where Peter bites her, and then uses her to resurrect him; and when she is in Eichen House in season five and Valack performs trepanation on her to make her more powerful. Peter’s action was done for the same reason he bit Scott, it was a way for him to gain power, to keep the upper hand. The following resurrection plot then becomes an event which even further strips Lydia’s autonomy, she now acts only according to what Peter wants, poisoning her friends to keep them distracted on the full moon for her to perform the resurrection. When Valack performs trepanation on her in Eichen House it’s despite Lydia’s many vocal no’s. He does not care if Lydia dies because of it, he even believes that doing something that will likely kill her is worth it and the good thing to do if she can find out who the beast is. It’s also interesting to note in regards to the trepanation that within psychiatry trepanning was the precursor to the lobotomy. Something which wound be a very interesting thing to look at from the perspective of a character analysis of Lydia.

[Also this is me barely scratching the surface of this topic,,, both in the webweave above but also in the essay i wrote. like i could write an entire thesis about this topic i'm not even kidding and i had to hold myself back from using even more quotes than this even tho this is def the longest post i've ever made.]

#teen wolf #teen wolf meta #twmeta #agency #autonomy #scott mccall #lydia martin #stiles stilinski #mason hewitt #corey bryant #jackson whittemore #gerard argent #there's a small thesis in the read more in case anyone wants to read more of my thoughts on this subject #web weave #web weaving #mine #teen wolf academia

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lily-blue · 1 year

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13 reasons why | reason no.9: the cupcakes are heavenly

☆ characters: baker!mingyu & food critic!you (Sooyoung - ‘97 liner) ☆ genre: coffee shop au, slowburn ☆ summary: your love life consists of flavourful dishes, delicious desserts and your best friend’s stories about his relationship with the sweetest girl; that is, until Mingyu decides to add something luscious into the mix ☆ words: 12,9k ☆ massive thank you: to @dat-town ♥ for everything! ☆ taglist: @soobin-chois

➼ chapter index

Food, especially sweets, had always had a special place in your heart, because as soon as you had grown old enough to understand your parents’ relationship wasn’t ideal, they had become your safe place. Shortcakes, cupcakes, croissants - when they were made expertly, they could put a smile on your face even on the most emotionally draining days as if they had indeed been made with that one magical secret ingredient that you were desperately missing around your parents: love.

Becoming a food critic had been a semi-conscious decision that had become your passion in university. It had started small: with silly albeit professional posts on your Tumblr blog under the sarcastic nickname Joy where you had uploaded aesthetic pictures of the food you had tried, given stars to the places in different categories with a few additional words to express your opinion and credited the experience to the restaurants and coffee shops by mentioning their name and address.

When your curt comments had turned into few-paragraph-long articles was lost on you. But you still remember the day when your blog’s popularity had skyrocketed and you realised that you could make enough money from your hobby to never have to look for a job that’s related to your major: boring finances. It had been the day you had posted your first short video on Youtube with your article’s link in the description below. People had loved your sarcasm and the dynamic pacing of your edit. They had loved it so much and so actively that sponsors had started to email you about collaborations and the platform paid you for creating content.

It felt surreal up to this day, but you had gotten more than fifteen minutes of fame.

You were still as hated as loved: truly, at the peak of your career.

Fancy restaurant and small diner owners alike kept requesting reviews from you so that they could boost their popularity, but you rarely gave the time of day to those emails, because they made you feel as though you were buyable despite never taking their money. Therefore, even if those places piqued your interest, you simply jotted their names down in your notebook and gave them a try months later when the pressure to write them a good review wasn’t palpable anymore. You didn’t do well with pushy people.

Except when that pushy person was your best friend, Felix, who couldn’t shut up about his new favourite coffee shop close to his girlfriend’s workplace. Coffee Carat was a constant in your conversations ever since Yewon had started her internship in March and you finally got to a point where you thought you had to see for yourself whether their cupcakes were really as otherworldly as Felix claimed them to be or else there was a huge possibility you would snap at him. And there were only a few things you hated more than fighting with your loved ones.

The morning rush’s buzzing noises were pleasantly lively when you walked up to the counter in your red high heels and your steps came to a halt at the end of the shorter line. You didn’t mind the crowd nor the extra time you spent in the shop waiting, because you had chosen this time of the day on purpose. You wanted to see how well the baristas worked when customers had just a tad bit less patience and so far you weren’t disappointed in their professionalism.

You offered a grateful smile to the barista who took your order and carried your tray to one of the empty tables in the back of the customer area, pleased with the interior design and the amount of sunlight the voile curtains let into the coffee shop. Even with purposely taking the chair that was facing the window, you weren’t blinded by the light, which definitely earned the place a couple of brownie points. You liked places that took their time to cater to all of their customers.

Comfortably seated, you took your phone out of your long coat’s pocket and took a few takes of the pretty decoration on the curtains, your table and the cupcakes you had bought. You made sure the videos had similar starting and ending points so that the transitions would be smoother and more natural in the final product. Then, you were ready for the taste test.

‘Excuse me!’ A pleasant voice, albeit a bit unsure, addressed you and you put your chocolate cupcake back on the porcelain plate before you turned towards your intruder. It wasn’t hard to recognize the coffee shop’s uniform in the man’s outfit, but that just made you confused. You knew for a fact that making videos at places that were open for the public wasn’t against the law until there were no concrete signs that asked you not to take pictures or record videos. Had you missed a sign like that?

You were about to apologise and ask for special permission if that was the case, when the man shot you a small smile and bowed his head respectfully.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was just wondering whether we could take a picture together? I’m a big fan of your blog and I just… had to give it a try,’ the barista was rambling and while it wasn’t the first time someone recognized you, it never ceased to amaze you how some people turned so shy in your presence when they were clearly brave enough to walk up to you. You could have never done the same when it came to your idols, but it was true that you weren’t in the same league as Taemin and Junho from 2PM.

‘It’s okay. We can take a photo,’ you agreed easily, never one to say no for such easy requests despite your sarcastic personality. Stealing a glance at the counter behind the man’s back, you actually appreciated that he had waited until the lines had gotten shorter.

You decided to stand up so that the barista - Seokmin as his nametag suggested - didn’t have to bend his back too much and took a couple of different pictures with his own phone until there was at least one in which you looked presentable. Not that you asked him to delete the rest. It didn’t matter to you, really, but your society was fixated on beauty standards and you wanted him to be able to share this experience on social media in case he wanted to. For that, he needed a good photo.

‘But you being my fan won’t affect my review. I’m not this easy to charm,’ you stated with a pinch of playfulness in your voice, facial expression stoic. You obviously meant every word, but Felix liked to tease you about how unintentionally rude you could come off whenever you were overly honest, so you tried to lighten your tone lately when breaking down the obvious. You weren’t sure it was working. A part of you felt it made you sound ridiculous, but well… practice made perfect.

‘Of course! You really shouldn’t be,’ the barista agreed with a wide smile and you wondered how some people made acting friendly look so easy. Not that you were a bad friend material. If anyone, your best friend could vouch for you that you were caring and understanding under the surface. But smiling at someone you had never met before so brightly? You could have never. ‘And I’m not worried about your review. Mingyu’s cupcakes are seriously the best,’ he said before the female barista called his name from behind the counter and he bowed his head again, grateful for the pictures you had taken.

You kept your gaze on Seokmin as he jogged up to his coworker and helped the girl with the coffee machine. You watched as he joked around with her effortlessly while a part of his focus was always on the task at hand and shook your head before you could have gone into a detailed analysis on how ineffective it made his work. It would have been a useless train of thought and you had come here to work anyway.

So you sat back on your chair and took the chocolate cupcake, you had been meaning to try, in your hands. It smelled delicious, a little citrusy, which was an achievement in itself taking the intensity of the dark cocoa powder you assumed they must have used when making it. The tiny card behind the display had suggested that it had an additional, orange flavour, but you had already tried a dozen of chocolate cupcakes in your life. Finding the balance between their rich, characteristic aroma and other, milder flavours was harder than it seemed.

One bite from the dessert was enough to acknowledge it was good; whoever had made the recipe was talented. However, the execution was almost amateur, and you didn’t understand why this made you disappointed when it shouldn’t have mattered. Coffee Carat was nowhere near the first coffee shop on your long list that failed to back up the hype. Still, you had more faith in Felix and his love for quality cupcakes and brownies.

Having been taught to never leave your food on your plate just because it didn’t reach your expectations, you finished your cupcakes in peace while you answered a couple of asks and comments on your social media accounts. Then, you left with a polite smile and the thought that you needed to take your best friend to a better coffee shop on your next friendly date on the weekend. Maybe you could have bought something sweet and creamy for his girlfriend, too, so that neither of them lowered their bar.

Food was self-love. Especially with desserts, no one should have made compromises.

You were used to the amount of notes, mentions, asks and messages you usually received on the day you posted a new review. You had learned it in the hard way not to be too hang up on the hate comments in your comments section for the sake of your mental health - people were more brutal in the Youtube community, a significant downside of expanding your brand and advertising your blog on another platform - and while it would have been a lie to say you had a foolproof method to scroll through the hate, now you were able to stop reading those lines when it became clear they had been written with malintention. You could focus on the good: the fun remarks, the constructive observations and the appreciation you received.

You tried out low quality places, so your followers didn’t have to and discovered rare gems, so that they could visit them knowing their food and drinks were worth the money.

Receiving demanding texts wasn’t a new thing, either. It was almost ridiculous how many people wanted you to change your opinion about a restaurant or café either for the worse or the better just to justify their preferences. You never wasted your time on these requests; that would have gone against your principles. And still, a week later, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, you found yourself in a situation when you couldn’t ignore the reappearing name in your spams anymore: Kim Mingyu.

Every damn message you got that week was about Kim Mingyu.

Thus, when you saw that a new Tumblr blog with the default profile picture of a triangle sent you a private message, you opened it and typed out an answer.

milkgyuandcookies: “please, you have to come back to the coffee shop again!” milkgyuandcookies: “i’m telling you we have the best cupcakes” milkgyuandcookies: “it’s all a misunderstanding! i’m begging you 🥺🥺” you: “i wrote my review about the cupcakes i purchased at your coffee shop, so i can’t see any misunderstandings or mistakes here” you: “i rarely visit the same place twice, let alone in such a short period of time” you: “i’m sorry, but you had your chance” milkgyuandcookies: “then make an exception, please!! you can’t just write a review like this about my cupcakes when those weren’t even my cupcakes 😭😭 have some mercy” you: “you sold those cupcakes, i wrote a review about them. next time don’t sell them if you’re not satisfied with how they turned out” milkgyuandcookies: “aren’t you listening? those aren’t my cupcakes!!” you: “well that’s not my problem. i’m not going back” milkgyuandcookies: “just this once, please!🙏🙏i’m on my knees” you: “i’m blocking you” milkgyuandcookies: “no!!” milkgyuandcookies: “wait!! 😭😭” milkgyuandcookies: “come back!! 🥺🥺”

You clicked on the three dots next to his username and blocked him like you promised before he could have kept going on about how you should have given their coffee shop a chance to redeem themselves despite your definite no. Whether those cupcakes had been baked by him personally or not shouldn’t have mattered. They had given their name to those sweets when they had let their customers buy them, so it wasn’t your fault that you had chosen a cupcake that tasted average. You didn’t see why you should have revisited their place because of a few pleading emojis and a half-assed excuse.

You weren’t heartless - it just wasn’t easy to coax sympathy out of you with pleading emojis. They had taken a poorly calculated risk and lost when you had picked a dessert that had not reached the promised quality. End of the story.

You spent the next two hours blocking every blog that messaged you about Kim Mingyu and another half an hour phrasing a curt answer to a polite ask that claimed Coffee Carat deserved more stars. Then, you disconnected your phone from your wifi and spent the rest of the day in your bed, binge-watching the Chinese drama you had found last week. Wang Yibo’s gamer character might have driven you up the wall when he started to neglect his girlfriend because of his mentally unstable ex, but the reappearing cliffhangers did their job wonderfully, taking your mind off your followers’ obsession with Kim Mingyu.

His cupcakes or not, what you had tasted didn’t deserve your praises and you stood by your opinion.

The original plan had been to celebrate Felix’s promotion at his favourite high-end restaurant, but that place was full until the end of August, so you had ended up making a reservation for his birthday instead and invited him over, promising the blondie an inexhaustible supply of doenjang jjigae and permission to choose the movie you would watch. It was the second best thing you could give him, you were both aware of it, because your tastes in movies were pretty different and most of the time he was powerless against your arguments. You prayed he wouldn’t make you regret each one of your life decisions - such as letting him sit next to you at the American diner you had first met or befriending him - and make you watch something that left you with no other choice but to sleep with the lights on. You still couldn’t get over your unreasonable fear of rollercoasters because of your Final Destination marathon and that had been ages ago.

‘Hm, it smells delicious,’ your best friend’s voice came from the front door along with those struggling noises that coaxed a genuine chuckle out of you without witnessing his battle with his shoes. His habit to tie his laces so tightly it became impossible to get rid of his sneakers without his hands was beyond you, especially because his hands were almost always full.

‘Better! It tastes delicious,’ you shouted back and turned off the stove with a snicker the same moment Felix finally emerged from the hall and walked past you to put his plastic bag on the counter and wash his hands by the kitchen sink.

As you two had previously agreed, he had taken a small detour to bring something sweet for dessert because while this jjigae recipe was your pride, you couldn’t bake to save your life and after numerous disheartening attempts in the past, you would have rather not given it another try at such a short notice.

‘What did you bring? Shortcakes? Pancakes?’ You asked while you stepped to your cabinet and took out half a dozen tiny bowls for your side dishes. The yellow radish in the lowest compartment in your fridge had been fermented by you a couple of weeks ago, but the napa cabbage and cucumber kimchis were new additions to your poor collection that you had purchased in the morning at the best organic food market downtown.

Although you couldn’t resist stealing a few bites here and there while you were distributing the side dishes, you did manage to leave the volcano steamed eggs untouched, which in itself was an achievement. Therefore, you let out a proud hum when you scanned the dining table, looking for important details you might have forgotten about.

‘Cupcakes,’ Felix said as he also opened your cabinet and fished out two inox rice bowls with their lids for the rice you had left in the rice cooker. Oh! How could you have forgotten about the rice? It was almost as important as your main dish.

You raised a brow without much elegance and watched as your best friend made himself at home in your humble flat.

‘They better be good,’ you threatened, although your voice was more playful than anything. It might have been over a month that you had set foot in Coffee Carat, but your friendly banters about those damned cupcakes and what delicious meant for the both of you had been a constant in your life ever since.

The pseudo-outraged scoff that left Felix’s mouth was the only retort you got, so you counted it as a win and didn’t drag out the topic. Instead, you put the jjigae in the middle of the table and let your friend dive in first although you were older than him. You were celebrating him, after all. And you had never been too keen on following conservative sentiments, anyway, like showing unconditional respect towards your elders and relatives. Your relationship with your parents had pretty much predetermined your thoughts on such matters. Thus, ever since you could have remembered, you appreciated one’s effort more than their age. Obviously, it had caused you headaches during your studies, but without a strict supervisor or a boss, it was almost too easy to live by your own rules. Even if it meant, some people called you rude and a disgraceful brat.

While eating, you listened to the blond boy’s endless chatter about the company dinner at which they had celebrated his promotion with his coworkers: how the other candidate, a loud guy named Yuksun who came from old money, had gotten wasted because he couldn’t have handled the decision. There were tears in your eyes from all that laughing when Felix’s story reached the climax, Yuksun’s futile attempts to drink Felix under the table being a comedy at its finest with the guy calling up his mom to take him home.

Since all you could have bragged about in exchange was the speed at which you had finished the tteokbokki you had ordered on Monday and the series you had almost finished the same day, you asked your friend about his girlfriend, because for 1) you genuinely liked how sweet she was and you had the habit of living your non-existent love life through their relationship and 2) you preferred the role of the attentive listener while eating.

‘She said it’s a surprise, but I’m pretty sure we’ll have a picnic,’ Felix said with a little laugh before he went into more details about Yewon’s lovely idea for their own, private celebration next week as she had needed to go home to Busan due to a family emergency you didn’t plan to pry about. It clearly wasn’t your business.

As always when you spent time with your best friend, your laugh was a bit more honest, your personality a bit more dorky and you couldn’t stay pissed at him for longer than two minutes when he chose a movie you would have never even considered watching without him being around. You were hiding behind the blondie’s shoulder, drumming with your legs out of fear and frustration while you reached for one of the cupcakes he had on a metal tray atop of his lap. You had sworn you wouldn’t have tried them until the movie had a calmer vibe, but you were already halfway through it and it showed no signs of less psychological torture.

Since your eyes were half-closed and the only source of light in the living room was your TV, you didn’t bother with checking which flavour you put your hand on. Instead, you peeled off the cupcake liner with one swift movement and took a huge bite from it as though Felix had ever restored your faith in his taste.

Cinnamon and orange mixed perfectly atop of your tongue and the fluffy texture of the dough melted in your mouth. You needed to take another bite and one more to make sure your taste buds weren’t messing with you. The dessert your friend had brought was just this good.

‘Heol! These are heaven!’ You moaned a bit breathless when you tried a different flavour and it tasted just as good: the white chocolate and the raspberry complementing each other instead of fighting for dominance. You found yourself hoping Felix had brought dark chocolate ones, too, while you were simultaneously wondering which additional flavour would have balanced out the bitter aftertaste. Mango? Banana?

‘I know, right? Like I said, my favourite place,’ he bragged with a cheeky smile as he picked a random flavour and shoved the cupcake into your mouth. It tasted like salted caramel and reminded you of summer vacations when you had finally had enough money and freedom to visit the countryside on your own.

‘Oh, yeah? Where did you get these from?’ You asked between two bites. You narrowed your eyes and hovered over the tray, so that you could make a better judgement on the flavours of the remaining cupcakes. They all smelled delicious and two of them had that unmistakable, chocolatey aroma to them that made your mouth water.

‘Coffee Carat, obviously,’ Felix said and you snapped your head in his direction so abruptly, you headbutted his chin on accident, eliciting a groan from him with your carelessness.

In any other situation, the apology would have already rolled off your lips, but the revelation closed up your throat and made your tongue feel heavy. Confusion and disbelief knitted your brows together as you took another tentative bite from the cupcake in your hand. Obviously, it tasted nothing like the ones you had tried back in the coffee shop and suddenly the private messages you had gotten after you had posted your review flooded your mind.

Your fingertips dug into the soft texture of your dessert and the dough stuck under your nails, clinging into you like the memories of Mingyu’s whining that it hadn’t been his cupcakes you had tasted, that he wanted another chance to redeem his worth.

You didn’t notice how hard your teeth were tearing into your chapped lower lip until the damage was done and you could taste your own, coppery blood in your mouth. Fuck. Why were you feeling sorry for how you had replied to him when it didn’t change a thing. They had sold those cupcakes to you. And they were nothing special.

Your concerns must have been visible due to the deep furrows on your forehead and the small pout on your lips because the first thing your messy mind successfully took in was your best friend nudging you with a poorly concealed smile on his face. You straightened your posture and leaned your back against the backrest of your couch.

‘Is that guilt on your face?’

It was. However, you refused to acknowledge it out loud. That would have meant you had made a mistake when you had written your criticism, that blocking Mingyu hadn’t been the right thing to do and a rational part of you knew you did nothing wrong. Sure, lots of places, from high-end restaurants to family businesses, had a star chef or baker they advertised their menus with - especially when these people were not only talented, but handsome as well -, however, it didn’t necessarily mean they prepared all the food on their own. In fact! It was rather rare that one person was behind all the delicious creations. Which meant it was their own responsibility that each and every employee reached the bar.

‘Tsk, why would it be? I wrote about the food they served me,’ you retorted and stuffed the damned chocolate cupcake into your mouth out of spite so that Felix had no chance to taste it. Not that, in the back of your head, you weren’t aware that he must have been a regular at the coffee shop, hence could have tried all of these flavours out already.

To show your friend how determined you were to put an end to this conversation, you steeled yourself and kept your eyes on the screen even during the most disturbing scenes. You didn’t cave in when Felix tried to stare a hole into your temple with what you assumed was his best kicked puppy eyes. You didn’t seek shelter in the crook of his neck even when you felt like you were at your limit. You stayed strong, stubborn as a mule, and finished all the cupcakes on his tray as some sort of childish punishment that he let you have.

Damn. They tasted so much better. You hated the perfect balance of flavours and the fluffy yet filling texture with every fibre in your body - you did so almost as fervently as you loved each bite. You were clearly and unequivocally screwed.

You weren’t stupid. You might not have known every teeny tiny detail of Felix’s motives, but you should have been extremely oblivious to not realise he was trying to make you go back to Coffee Carat with the amount of cupcakes he had been bringing to your friendly dates lately. Even when you had been supposed to go out and grab some coffee at a different place, he had managed to bring you some of the sweet desserts for later and acted like it was perfectly normal to walk into a café and order brownies with another place’s cupcakes in your hand.

Slowly but surely he had been getting on your nerves until the situation had gotten to a point where you had needed to confront him whether he had accepted money from those people in exchange for his help. The accusation had earned an offended scoff from the blondie, but you had had every right to be suspicious, so you had refused to apologise.

Instead, you were thinking of ways he could have made it up to you when fueled by Felix’s persistence that festered into your own, growing guilt, you crossed the threshold of Coffee Carat for a second time, barely three months after your first visit.

While you were waiting for your turn in front of the counter, you gave yourself a pep talk and brainstormed about how you should have recorded your video differently since the interior design barely changed over the months. It more or less took your mind off the unfamiliarity of the situation and the possibility of another disappointment.

‘Hey! You came back!’ The barista who had approached you last time said, his smile so big and bright that it made you believe he still liked you and your articles despite your opinion about his workplace. His attitude made you grateful; you made a mental note to mention his professionalism in your follow-up criticism. ‘Are you here to try out our seasonal specials? They’re made with peaches.’

You stole a quick glance at the displays: all those cold drinks and sweets that were made with peaches, but still shook your head.

‘No, actually I’m here to—’

‘You!’ Someone exclaimed and you turned your head in the direction from where you heard the voice on instinct just how Seokmin did.

The man whose index finger was pointing at you was almost too tall to stand on the threshold comfortably, but somehow he managed even with his chin held high and his spine unnaturally straight. The flickering flames in his chocolate brown eyes dressed your arms in goosebumps, but you stood your ground and resisted the urge to look behind your back and check whether he was talking to someone else.

‘Me?’ You asked, breaking the momentary silence, eyebrows furrowed more because of your confusion than his intimidating aura.

‘Yes, you!’ The man claimed and let his hand fall back by his side before he took a few loose steps towards you and grabbed your wrist so naturally like he had every right to touch you even though the two of you had never met before.

Later, when your nosy best friend would ask you where did your survival instincts go when a random guy dragged you to the closest empty table without your consent, you would put all the blame on how freaking ridiculous this whole situation was. You wouldn’t admit that his grip was actually gentle or that he smelled like raspberry and chocolate, one of your all time favourite combinations. The latter two were obviously irrelevant.

‘Wait here!’ He commanded leaving you no choice but to comply because of how quick he was to turn his back on you as soon as he pulled the chair out for you and pushed you down on the hard, wooden furniture. You had never been so lost for words in your entire life.

As the shock started to slowly wear off, you contemplated whether you should have stood up and finished your order at the counter, but considering that Seokmin had done nothing to save you from this man and they were wearing the same uniform, you assumed it was for the best if you did as he asked you. Worst case scenario, you could still ask for the manager or make a complaint directly to the owner. Nothing too extreme that would have gotten him fired, but something that would have made him think twice before he did anything like this to another customer in the future.

You were a strong believer that manners should have been of the utmost importance in every establishment in the catering industry.

It was the sharp sound of a metal tray colliding with the top of your table that pulled you back to the present, the delicious smell of freshly baked cupcakes only registering in you a couple of seconds later. In front of you, there were at least a dozen of different flavours from peach and white chocolate through bananas and cinnamon to raspberry and mint. The amount of saliva that gathered in your mouth at the heavenly sight wasn’t even funny.

Caution being thrown out the window, you acted on autopilot when you reached out for one with melted chocolate chips on top and took a huge bite from it. Good gracious! It tasted just as good as everything else Felix had brought for your friendly dates.

‘Here! It’s on the house,’ a familiar voice said and you shifted your gaze from the iced white mocha to the person who had placed it in front of you, worry clear and evident in his words. ‘Please, forgive him for acting so disrespectfully.’

Seokmin looked like he was about to throw up (or throw fists, you really weren’t sure) when his eyes accidentally met yours and he bent his back so quickly and deeply, you were afraid he would hit his forehead into his knees because of the momentum.

‘I’m not acting disrespectfully. She’s the one who blocked me for no reason,’ the giant said, proving your assumptions right. He was an employee at the shop: the baker who was praised by many and defended by even more because of his delicious creations. As childish as he acted, you had to admit that a part of you could understand why he was so upset about your article. It mocked his worth and hurt his ego although you still stood by your opinion. It was on them that they had sold those average quality desserts.

‘Dude, shut up,’ Seokmin hissed, the action so raw and human that you had to swallow back an amused chuckle. Their friendly bickering in the customer area, right in front of a customer no less, was highly unprofessional, but somehow you couldn’t mind their actions. You should have done so, you always did, but their duo was more entertaining than anything else, so you let them be for a couple of more seconds before you cleared your throat.

‘It’s okay. I appreciate your kindness, but I would rather pay for this,’ you said with a small tilt of your head. You lifted your mug a bit higher, then pointed your index finger at the tray on the table. ‘And the cupcakes as well.’

‘You don’t…’ Seokmin started, but you dismissed his worries with a firm set of mocha-tinted lips and a pair of eyes that accepted no further objection.

‘I insist,’ you added before you took another sip, satisfied with the silence that followed your statement. You watched as the barista’s gaze met his coworker’s for a brief moment before he nodded in a tentative manner, reassuring you that in case you finished, you wouldn’t have to wait in line to pay until it was him behind the counter, and turned his back on you two.

Knowing well that you wouldn’t have jumped the queue even if you hadn’t had the entire day for yourself, you stared at his back while leaving for a tad bit longer than it was necessary, then turned back to the giant with a raised eyebrow.

‘So?’ He asked as soon as he had all your attention and you took another bite from the dessert for good measure, as though you hadn’t been addicted to his cupcakes since the day Felix and you had celebrated your best friend’s promotion.

‘They’re one of the best cupcakes I’ve ever tried,’ you admitted, blunt and raw in the way you formed your opinion, which earned a goofy smile from the baker. His sharp canines and naturally rosy lips did something to your head; you almost bit back the rest of your words just to protect his smile, but the realisation what you had been about to do horrified you enough to sober you up and push you forwards. ‘But you have to understand that I still can’t give this place a ten even though it might deserve a correction,’ you claimed, turning back ahead, so that you faced the table, at the first sight of an ugly twitch in the corner of his mouth.

Considering what you had already seen from his personality, you had a vague idea what to expect and with his darkening facial expression and pitched voice, the man did not prove you wrong.

‘What? But you’ve just said it yourself that—’

You lifted your empty hand next to your head to make Mingyu shut up before he could have started a tantrum. You had already known he felt wronged, you didn’t need the reminder.

‘Your cupcakes are exceptional, but this place clearly has employees whose aren’t,’ you said, not letting your arm fall back on your lap until you were at least eighty percent sure that he understood your reasoning.

Mingyu’s pouty lips and sad eyes made him look like a giant puppy who had been kicked out from home and your heart clenched when you saw him shift his weight from one foot to the other while he was struggling with his thoughts. The furrows on his forehead made it clear that he desperately wanted to come up with a good comeback that could have potentially changed your mind, but to his misfortune, there was no such thing. You spoke straight facts no one could argue with.

‘I didn’t even want a baker’s assistant, it’s all Rina noona’s fault,’ he mumbled, his complaint quiet enough to make you question whether these words had been meant to be spoken in the first place.

In the end, you didn’t ask for a more detailed explanation nor did you make comments on how he should have trained his assistant better instead of putting the blame on a third party. You simply took another cupcake in your hand and opted for letting him know with your dismissive body language that your decision was final.

Luckily, the afternoon rush was about to start and the more people walked into the coffee shop, the less baked goods stayed behind the displays. Therefore, the man had to go back to the kitchen and leave you alone with your cupcakes despite the desperation in each one of his movements that made it painfully obvious that he didn’t want to give up yet.

Without his overbearing gaze suffocating you, you could finish your food in a good mood and record a few videos for your channel as well before you walked up to the line in front of the counter and paid once it was your turn.

It might have gone against your principles to visit a place so soon just because your criticism made them upset, but these cupcakes… they were worth bending your ways for. Even if you refused to redeem their name entirely.

You had never been at Coffee Carat with Felix before. Not because you refused to go back to the coffee shop after your second visit, but because you liked to discover new gems during your friendly dates and the blondie had never complained about it so far.

However, when one of the chefs you had given a bad review decided to mess with your tires and fuck up your car, that was where your best friend took you after his shift to take your mind off your horrible day.

‘No way man! Is she your girlfriend?’ The blond barista asked as soon as his gaze fell on you and Felix and you furrowed your brows in confusion because of two totally different things: 1) since when was your best friend so close with the employees of this place that they used not only informal speech with him, but threw their manners out the window when they talked to him? And 2) how could this guy mistake you for Yewon when your personalities and your preferences in clothes and colours couldn’t have been more different?

A part of you was convinced that the couple was a regular at the shop, hence the only logical explanation you could have come to was that this barista was either a newbie or somehow he never worked when those two walked into Coffee Carat together.

‘Best friend,’ came the correction from your right and the mortified look on the barista’s face made up for his mistake generously. His red cheeks and crimson ears, his dilating eyes tugged on the corners of your lips and coaxed an amused scoff out of you.

‘I’ll have an iced white mocha and a brownie, please,’ you decided to order to spare all three of you from embarrassment and turned towards Felix with the intent to ask him whether he wanted to carry out the whole cheering-you-up agenda and pay for your drink or you should have fished your wallet out of your bag.

‘No cupcakes?’ The boy asked before you could have spoken and you pressed your lips into a firm line, not pondering over the question for longer than three seconds. Felix was right. You had had a terrible encounter with a maniac earlier that day. You deserved the extra dessert.

Humming in contemplation, you eyed the cupcakes behind the display and pointed at the pile that was placed behind the plastic card I Feel Peachy written on it.

‘And two of those,’ you asked, feeling a bit better already at the sight of the generous amount of chocolate chips sprinkled atop of the cupcakes. You hoped they were made by Mingyu and not the giant baker’s assistant as you were rather sceptical that he had trained his subordinate to perfection in the past few weeks.

‘That’s my girl,’ Felix cheered and asked for a matcha latte and a brownie, swiping his card like he was a billionaire.

Only later, when you were sitting in the customer area, teasing your best friend because of his sugar daddy vibe, did you get to know that so close to the closing time every baked good was sold for a lower price. It surprised you, pleasantly so, and you couldn’t have helped but think that it was very nice of the owner to prioritise not having too much leftover instead of money. After all, those pastries they failed to sell by the time they closed the shop couldn’t have been sold the following morning. They had to be thrown out according to the local regulations.

You were thinking of buying some more cakes to support the shop and their attempt to reduce food waste when someone pushed the front door open with such force, the wood crashed into the wall with an alarming thud. Your best friend and you - along with the other six customers in the coffee shop - snapped your head in the intruder’s direction, shocked by the petite girl’s dishevelled hair and tense body language. She looked like she had come here to commit murder and you had never been more relieved in your life that it hadn’t been you who had rubbed another person the wrong way.

‘Do you kno—’

‘Where is he?’ She demanded, pointing at the blond barista accusatively as though he had already refused to answer her question when in reality he just seemed too speechless to form a coherent sentence. You felt bad for him, but you weren’t sure you had any right to confront this girl - not to mention that you had enough drama in your life with a vengeful chef who had promised to make you regret ruining his career. Considering that he hadn’t been fired after giving you food poisoning, you were convinced that he was stretching it.

You lowkey wondered whether this girl was acting like a drama queen as well or her attitude was justified. Not that you supported screaming in public under any circumstances.

‘Excuse me, miss! Who are you looking for?’ The blond barista asked as soon as he collected himself and you leaned your elbow on the table so that you could have rested your chin atop of your palm. Although his reaction time was definitely on the slower side of the scale, you were genuinely impressed by his manners; you were sure you would have failed miserably if you had been the one who had to handle a cyclone like this girl.

‘That good-for-nothing Kim Mingyu, who else?’ She spat, not giving a damn about the man who walked into the coffee shop after her or the old woman who tried to make an order, but failed to gain the barista’s attention because of her tantrum.

You watched as a handsome guy with round, nerdy glasses rushed out of the staff only area with an anxious-looking girl behind his back and wondered when she had disappeared behind the curtains to find the manager because you admittedly hadn’t paid too much attention to her presence. You had been too engrossed in your own world and the wide variety of desserts you could have chosen from.

In your defence, you were sure most customers didn’t care about the staff of these kinds of places, only that one employee who was serving them.

‘I’m not leaving until he grows some balls and speaks to me!’ The girl claimed angrily when the guy said something to her in a voice too quiet to be audible from where you were sitting. You lifted your drink in front of your lips and took a small sip, just as shocked as Felix was when the girl pushed the manager aside and hit the counter with her palms. Your bewildered gaze met your best friend’s eyes for a sheer second before you both turned back towards the ongoing drama. ‘I know you’re in there,’ she pointed at the door close to the counter. ‘Come out you self-centred bastard or else I’ll drag you out myself.’

While everyone was waiting for the baker to make an appearance - you saw two teenage boys recording the happenings with their phones -, you recalled your first encounter with the giant, puppy-like boy and wondered what he could have potentially done to piss this tiny girl off so badly. Considering that he had completely disregarded your personal space last time, you had a couple of ideas, but for some reason none of those sounded too believable, not even in your head. Sure, he was headstrong and whiny, but would he have hurt her on purpose?

You shook your head. It didn’t matter what you thought. You didn’t know him.

Still, you sucked in your breath when the baker walked out the door with a piece of cloth on his shoulder. He looked like a mess: there was flour on his apron and shirt, his hair stuck out in numerous directions and he also had some dirt on his chin although you couldn’t have told what exactly. Maybe some chocolate cream or cinnamon syrup.

‘I’m here. Can you please stop making a scene?’ Mingyu asked in a surprisingly icy tone that complemented his rigid posture perfectly. His arms were linked in front of his chest in a way that highlighted his muscles and you had to take another sip from your mocha to cool down before your imagination could have run wild. So what if he had looked like someone who hit up the gym frequently? Trouble was clearly written all over his face with capital letters.

‘Why? Does this feel humiliating to you? Am I humiliating you?’ The girl asked with a scoff, tilting her head to the right to mock him with her body language, too. You knew the type: she was petty and ready to give back tenfold whatever Mingyu had done to her. ‘Then you finally know how I felt when I was waiting for you for hours in that restaurant where even breathing in the wrong way is a crime,’ she raised her voice even more, enlightening everyone on what had hurt her so much and getting different reactions from those who were witnessing their (pretty much one-sided) fight. Looking around in the customer area, you saw your best friend shaking his head in disappointment and a boy having enough of the drama and turning back to his laptop. One girl pointed at Mingyu while whispering to the person next to her. You just drank some more. You had been to those kinds of restaurants dozens of times. You had no doubt the experience had been humiliating. Especially if it had been her first time at a place like that where even the waitresses wore tailored uniforms. ‘They had to send me away so that people who actually went there to order more than a glass of wine could eat,’ the girl spat, her frustration slurring her words a little at the end of her monologue.

You felt sorry for her even though you thought she was overreacting.

‘I’m sorry, but I’ve already told grams I’m not interested in going on random blind dates she and her friends set up for me,’ Mingyu said, not taking his eyes off the girl he had stood up intentionally or unintentionally. He claimed it was their grandmothers who had organised the date, but he had never said he hadn’t known when and where he should have shown up. Did he have the girl’s number saved? Did he know her name?

‘Not interested?’ She scoff-laughed. ‘You think you’re so amazing because you’re tall? Your skin looks like you were sweating on a farm your whole life, pathetic, really. I wouldn’t want a second date with your sorry ass even if you begged,’ she said with her index finger pointed at the baker. She acted more pathetic than a minute before if that had been possible.

Objectively speaking, everyone must have been aware that Mingyu’s beautiful, tanned skin didn’t fit your country’s ridiculous beauty standards, but this was the core problem with how a lot of people in South Korea looked at beauty. It should have been a subjective matter, not a long list with endless items everyone tried to tick off.

You genuinely believed that the boy’s natural, sun-kissed skin looked a lot healthier than the pale complexion many people desired to have and tried to achieve with make-up.

‘Excuse me, miss,’ the manager raised his voice while taking a step to the left to protect the baker from the girl as though there hadn’t been a big enough distance between the two. ‘We don’t tolerate degrading comments like this in our coffee shop. I need to ask you to leave or else I’ll call the police,’ he gave the petite girl a fair warning, something you weren’t sure she deserved, but knew it was necessary.

‘The police? On what grounds?’ She asked back, shifting a part of her attention to the person who was talking to her without really looking at the young man. Instead, she put her other hand on her hip, too, shaking her head.

‘You’re disturbing the peace, harassing the employees and as of now, you’re banned from the shop, which means you’re trespassing,’ the manager listed, making you furrow your brows in question. You might have done a detailed research on media law when you had started to gain fame on the internet just to avoid some unwanted, nasty consequences, but you had obviously never studied law. You had no idea whether she really committed trespassing if she refused to leave, but the manager sounded confident enough for you to consider it as a valid option. The question was whether she believed him as well or was willing to take a chance.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

You sucked in a breath and leaned a little closer to the commotion subconsciously. This girl was clearly furious, most probably because she had felt humiliated in that restaurant, but was it really worth being called the cops on?

‘Seungkwan, call the police, please. Tell them that—’

‘Screw you! All of you,’ she screamed into the manager’s face, pointing at the blond barista, Mingyu and everyone who were watching the drama. Then, she pushed the manager’s broad shoulder with her hand, fueled with frustration, and turned her back on everyone, so that she could speed-walk to the double door.

The straw between your teeth was so damaged, you could barely use it anymore when your gaze loitered over the employees a tad bit longer than it should have and your eyes met the baker’s chocolate orbs. You turned your head away so quickly like he burnt, shame creeping under your skin and tinting your ears and neck crimson in fist-sized patches. There was no way he didn’t know now that you had been paying attention to the drama, which meant he must have thought you were nosy.

You let out a pained groan.

‘People are getting crazier and crazier these days,’ Felix commented and you needed to make extra effort to not concentrate on your iced mocha in a way that could have been considered suspicious when you let out an affirmative hum.

Despite having your own car and preferring it over the crowded metros and buses you should have taken to get around in the city, you knew how public transportation worked. You even had your own T-money card somewhere in your wallet, so you really didn’t understand why your best friend acted like he owed you a ride home when he told you that he had plans with two of the baristas after closing time. Clearly, you had had a terrible day and your car had been caught in the crossfire, but you were also an adult. You could get your ass on the metro when you needed to.

‘I can take her home,’ you heard a familiar voice say and you both snapped your head in the baker’s direction on instinct, slim fingers tightening around the paper cup of iced coffee you had gotten along with the cupcakes you had purchased for the morning.

As if he had no shame, Mingyu shot a lopsided smile in your direction and made no attempt to hide that he had been eavesdropping. His elbow was still resting atop of the counter while his chin was casually on the back of his hand.

‘Would you really? Thanks, mate! You’re a lifesaver,’ your best friend exclaimed, completely disregarding the displeased glares you were giving him. He knew damn well that you didn’t like owing people, let alone someone you weren’t close with. If anything, the fact that the two of you had known each other for years and you still had problems receiving help from him when you were sick should have been a telltale sign.

You cleared your throat to express that you also had your own two cents to throw into the conversation that should have involved you in the first place.

‘Thank you, but I can take the metro. It’s no big deal, really, Felix’s just acting like I’m still five and snotty,’ you declined the baker’s offer with a patient smile, keeping your cool with grace in your every movement: in the way you held your chin high, how you lifted your paper cup in front of your lips. You took a small sip from your drink as elegantly yet unbothered as you could, mentally ready to leave the coffee shop for another month or two.

A boy and a girl left the building in the background, the unmistakable sound of a heavy door slipping into its frame encouraging you to bid your goodbye, too.

However, you were too slow.

‘She lives in Hongdae,’ your best friend said so casually, it made you wonder whether he was oblivious of the dangers of such a statement in public or he would have trusted this guy with his life and was messing with you on purpose.

‘Yongbok!’ You hissed, but he just laughed it off with a gentle wave of his hand as if you had been pseudo-sulking and he had better things to discuss than dealing with you. You bit into your cheeks and swallowed down a curse, making a mental note to tell on him to Yewon, because you knew for a fact that she would have taken your side without a second thought. She was a young girl who had moved to the capital city because of her studies. She knew the differences between the countryside and Seoul at night and in general.

‘Then it’s not even a detour,’ Mingyu said and you rolled your eyes, because he couldn’t have known for sure just from the district. It was a big area, considering the traffic, it could have meant an hour-long detour, too, for all you cared.

Honestly, you didn’t understand why he had offered you a ride in the first place. It wasn’t that the two of you were friends. You might have written a correction about his cupcakes, but his blog was still blocked on your Tumblr.

When his gaze landed on you, you let out a sigh.

‘It’s already dark outside. Let me take you home,’ Mingyu asked after he finally spared you a glance and it took everything in you to not squeeze the living daylight out of your coffee. You didn’t want to inconvenience the baristas who would need to clean up the mess, especially because both Seungkwan and Junhui had been fun when they had prepared your orders.

‘What makes you think I’m comfortable with you knowing where I live?’ You asked back, tongue sharp and merciless. Obviously, you would have liked to believe that your best friend wouldn’t have pushed you into a shady person’s arms just to be able to hang out with his other friends right after closing time, but the baker was technically still a stranger, so you had every right to put up your defences even if some considered it rude. It was your life, your sense of safety.

The silence that fell upon your trio didn’t resemble anything poetic. It didn’t feel like a warm blanket that shielded you from the cold; it wasn’t ugly and sticky and uncomfortable. Instead, it existed without picking on your skin or filtering out the background noise.

You gulped when memories from an hour prior popped up in your mind. You saw the petite girl storming into the coffee shop, screaming at Mingyu and calling him a farmer like it was an insult. You saw the baker’s unbothered facial expression slowly morphing into something sad and you could feel your resolve breaking as your brain identified the sight with a kicked puppy. You swore, the boy’s chocolate orbs were shining in the artificial light, tricking your heart into thinking he was about to cry.

‘Fine,’ you groaned in defeat. ‘Do you need me to wait here or…’

Mingyu’s smile was blinding.

‘Give me five more minutes and we can go,’ he promised and you acknowledged his words with a silent nod before you took a seat by a random, empty table.

You liked to believe that you were an independent, mature adult, but after the bravado he had pulled, it wasn’t below you to give your best friend the silent treatment. Thus, you paid him no mind while you were waiting and bid him goodbye only because it would have been rude if you hadn’t. You didn’t hate him. You simply wanted him to think twice before he had even thought of doing something similar to this in the future without your permission.

A part of you was hoping that the ride to your apartment complex would be spent in silence, maybe, listening to the radio or a playlist you would have never put on on your own, but of course you couldn’t have been so lucky. You couldn’t have reached the first red light, Mingyu was already rambling about his grandmother and her obsession with his love life as he was her only single grandchildren.

‘Look, it’s really not my business. I’m sorry I was eavesdropping when that girl came in, but in my defence, it was hard not to,’ you decided to put an end to both of your suffering, since it wasn’t an easy topic - family had never been one, not to you at least. If he insisted that you should have gotten to know each other while you were in his car, you would have much preferred starting with lighter subjects like what had made him become a baker or how he had come up with those recipes he was so proud of. Food… that you could have talked about for hours.

‘I know, I’m just saying tha—’

‘I can’t bake to save my life,’ you blurted out the first thing you could think of before he could have given you another lengthy explanation he didn’t owe you at all. Whether Mingyu had stood that girl up intentionally or he had underestimated the length his grandmother was willing to go to like he had said, it didn’t matter to you. At the end of the day, even if you had become acquaintances, you weren’t interested in him romantically, were you?

‘What?’ He snapped his head in your direction, making you point towards the road ahead in fear.

‘Eyes on the road!’ You demanded and you didn’t let your hand fall back on your lap until he did as you said. Once the shock of the moment passed, you needed to take a few deeper breaths to calm your heart, while the baker on your left let out an embarrassed, little laugh like he didn’t actually know what to do with himself.

You were grateful that he didn’t let go of the steering wheel with one of his hands to scratch his nape awkwardly like most people usually did in similar situations. Not the letting go of the steering wheel part, but the unconscious scratching.

‘Would you like me to teach you? How to bake,’ Mingyu specified, his question rolling off his lips with a little uncertainty, like he was fearing your reaction, which was ridiculous. You didn’t have a significant place in each other’s life, you were nobody to him but a girl who had dared to criticise his workplace and knew a guy his coworkers were close with.

You raised an eyebrow. Where was the infamous confidence that urged him to drag you to an empty table without a fair warning and feed you with his best desserts just to prove a point?

‘If I remember correctly, you didn’t want your own baker’s assistant. What makes you think you’re not an insufferable teacher?’ You asked, not out of spite, just to trigger a reaction that showed which one was the real him. Was his confidence all an act, something he perfected over the years because of his relatively handsome face? Did his personality change so much around particular people? Was it harder for him to believe in himself because of the article you had written about Coffee Carat or because he didn’t know what to expect from you?

Mingyu’s laugh was deep and it reverberated around the interior of the car, tugging on your edges and smoothing them effortlessly.

‘That’s a fair point. We might have to give it a try to figure it out,’ he teased as he took a turn to the right then stopped at the end of a painfully long line in front of the closest red lights. The traffic was as heavy as you had predicted. ‘But really, my offer still stands,’ he made sure you were aware and you acknowledged it with a curt nod.

It wasn’t that you totally hated the idea, you just weren’t sure you wanted to accept his offer and spend time together with him in an informal environment. Not because you thought he was bound to catch feelings for you; you knew more frequently than not people simply didn’t feel that spark regardless of one’s looks. Instead, you had doubts you could manage one more person in your private life. You might have been your own boss, you might have been able to spare time for friends almost whenever you wanted, but keeping in touch with more than two or three people at the same time was draining even for your generally extroverted ass. You didn’t like retelling a story multiple times, sometimes you were demotivated to answer texts immediately. One more person meant one more relationship to put effort into.

Unless he gave up on you as soon as he saw what a disaster you were in the kitchen when it came to desserts.

‘Can I turn on the radio?’ You asked after a couple of heartbeats, sneaking a glance at the boy by your side, trying to decipher how he felt about your question and your dismissive attitude. Was he disappointed? Did he feel stupid for bringing it up?

‘Sure,’ he agreed kindly, letting you pick a channel and telling you in way too much detail how you could have connected your phone to the audio system if you couldn’t find anything up to your liking.

During the rest of the ride, you didn’t speak much. You chose the first channel that played a pop song you were distantly familiar with and opted for staring out the window, watching the colourful neon lights blending into the yellow beams of the street lamps.

Still, when it was time to say goodbye, it wasn’t unpleasant or unnerving. On the contrary, there was a visible smile in the corner of your mouth when you closed the passenger door and lifted your hand for a polite wave.

You unblocked Mingyu’s blog on Tumblr two weeks later, in early August, when your best friend was unavailable because of an unannounced family visit - an early birthday surprise from Australia because his parents couldn’t take any days off at the same time in September - and you had too much food to eat on your own. The two of you had planned to have another movie night, so you had ordered plenty of mandus, kimbap balls and tteokbokki, while Felix had been supposed to bring dessert, which is why the giant baker came to your mind in the first place.

you: “is your offer still standing?”

You sent the message with quite low expectations. After all, it had been months since you had last spoken on this platform and you couldn’t have been sure whether he had remembered it existed. Based on the default profile picture he had and the lack of reblogs other than a couple of cooking memes from a month ago, you honestly doubted he checked on it regularly.

And he really didn’t. But at least the food didn’t taste horrible after you reheated it the next day in the microwave.

Your bi-weekly baking sessions with Mingyu had started with a bunch of double-texts:

milkgyuandcookies: “are you free tonight?” milkgyuandcookies: “i’ll be there in an hour just need to take a quick detour” milkgyuandcookies: “with which flavour should we start?” milkgyuandcookies: “seokmin said felix said you like chocolate so i bought chocolate chips and tons of cocoa powder” you: “are you really coming? like… are you really on your way here?” you: “what if i’m busy? or if i’m not even at home?” milkgyuandcookies: “are you?” milkgyuandcookies: “that’s a bit awkward then cuz i’m already here” milkgyuandcookies: “so you’re really not home?” you: “…” you: “give me five minutes”

Mingyu as a teacher was more patient with you than you had expected him to be based on his displeased comment on his baker’s assistant and a lot more zealous than he should have been considering your repeated mistakes with the baking soda that made even you, a complete newbie, feel tired and snappy on the fourth week, let alone a professional. Shouldn’t have he gotten tired of you after the second time you failed to measure the powder accurately? If your pride could have taken the blow, you would have given up on baking a long time ago.

‘I still think it’s the size of your kitchen,’ Mingyu claimed after he crouched down and took the tray out of your oven. Watching him move around in your small space, you remembered the disbelief on his face when he had first come over: how he couldn’t have believed there were kitchens out there where the oven and the fridge weren’t built into the complete set of kitchen furniture, preferably at his chest’s height as though being so tall was common in your country.

‘Yeah, sure,’ you shook your head in amusement, loving the chocolatey smell of the cupcakes you had baked, the third and most promising attempt that night.

You reached for the cream you had prepared for decoration, skipping on the fondant because last time you had given it a try, it took hours to make them look good and you started to get tired of standing. As usual, Mingyu had come over after his morning shift around four and it was already nearing eight. Thankfully, you had had a dinner break an hour ago.

‘No, but listen! With more space, you could feel less crowded and more relaxed,’ he argued, coaxing an airy scoff out of you when he hit your hand lightly to remind you to be patient. The cupcakes were still hot, you shouldn’t have touched them with bare hands.

‘Just admit you want to show off your kitchen and shut up,’ you groaned pseudo-annoyed with a hint of a smile hiding in the corner of your lips. You were genuinely waiting for the comment, anticipating it even, and if you wanted to be honest, you had heard so much about his kitchen equipment by now, you were actually considering asking Mingyu to facetime you from home just to show you around. However, your curiosity needed to stop there for both of your sake. ‘I won’t go over to your place just to destroy your kitchen, too. I don’t earn that well,’ you complained and watched him as he placed the warm cupcakes on two separate porcelain plates.

When Mingyu’s hand came to a halt in midmotion, you slid your gaze from the dessert to his face. He looked at you sceptically like he was about to call you out on your bullshit and you shrugged in response. Okay, maybe you earned that well, but it wasn’t what mattered.

‘What if I want you to come over, so I could cook for you? We could call it a date,’ he asked and it was your turn to raise a brow. By now, you knew that his confident and insecure selves came hand in hand, but it was the first time he didn’t beat around the bush by flirting with you shamelessly.

On most occasions, Mingyu brushed aside his own advances with a carefree chuckle before you could have taken him seriously. This time, however, he kept his warm eyes on your face, waiting.

You looked away and cleared your throat.

‘Aren’t there like a dozen of granddaughters in your hometown who are waiting for your grandma to set them up with you?’ You asked, because you could and because deep down you were a little desperate to avoid answering his question with the level of seriousness he most probably wanted you to. The teasing chuckle that stuck in your throat tasted bitter, like a nasty knot that went bad the moment you decided to not let it out.

You took a transparent bag filled with lilac coloured cream in your hand and pulled one of the porcelain plates closer to yourself.

‘You know I hate those blind dates,’ he claimed firmly and you hummed because you knew. Mingyu had the habit of giving you detailed explanations about things that were absolutely not your business. How could you have not known at this point? ‘I only go on dates with girls I genuinely want to get to know. I really don’t understand what’s so bad about this! So what if I don’t date that much, it’s not like I’ll die alone,’ he groaned, the pain in his tone so real, you could feel it in your own chest. You were being unfair and you did feel bad. However, taking him seriously would have meant you had to give him an honest answer and you weren’t sure you were ready for the consequences.

It was easier when it was all about harmless flirting.

Sneaking a glance at the boy on your left, you recognised his frustration in the way the deep furrow between his brows became even more bottomless and you swallowed your guilt when the thought that he looked adorable with his darted out tongue crossed your mind.

‘I don’t think it’s bad,’ you stated, late enough to call it an afterthought, but not too late to make things awkward with your commentary. Or so you hoped.

‘But you don’t think it’s maintainable,’ Mingyu retorted, finishing the rose petals on his first cupcake with ease while the cream was still hanging clumsily in your hand. You took a deep breath and got to work.

‘I’m only saying you have a lot of options,’ you explained and while your words came out less neutral than you would have preferred, you kept your focus on your dessert to make up for the pinch of annoyance in your voice. You shouldn’t have cared how many girls he could have gotten with a flick of his fingers, so you told yourself you didn’t.

‘So? There are hundreds of restaurants that want you to write about them. Still, I don’t see you eating out every single night,’ he argued, forcing your brain to see the logic behind his metaphor.

You nodded in acknowledgement as you got started on your next cupcake, not finding the perfect retort for a couple of minutes, but thankfully, Mingyu didn’t rush you. Instead, he put a second colour in his plastic bag atop of the first pastel cream and created the most beautiful lilac-marigold roses you had ever seen.

If you wanted to be honest, you would have admitted you were scared. Not of Mingyu, even though he had some questionable habits you were still trying to adjust to and accept - but who didn’t have those -, but of a romantic relationship with another person: the quality time you had to spend with a significant other, the responsibilities you needed to share. How long could you two have been together before everyone around you started to talk about marriage and babies? How long could you have been with Mingyu before he started to yearn for all the conservative steps a relationship entailed?

What if you had fallen in love with him one day, but not the idea of raising his children? You liked your freedom and the simplicity of taking care of only yourself although life in general could be difficult.

You went over the pros and cons in your head repeatedly, until there were no more cupcakes in front of you without a poor attempt of a rose on top of them and reached for a chopstick as soon as you made up your mind. Sure, Mingyu might have been childish and whiney and a lot of immature adjectives in your dictionary. He wasn’t familiar with personal space when it was convenient to him and his ego could take only one or two blows when it came to his profession.

However, he gave you space and time when he realised you needed it and made you laugh with his dorky behaviour more frequently than not. He was patient and optimistic. He baked the most delicious desserts you had ever tasted and hated those disgusting movies Felix used to drive you out of the world under the disguise of your friendly dates.

Your hand was shaking slightly when you scraped the sugary cream off your last cupcake with intent behind each one of your swipes. Then, with your breath caught in your throat, you slid the finished baked good in front of Mingyu.

To keep your mind busy and the mood nonchalant, you didn’t turn towards the boy to ogle at his reaction. You simply walked up to the sink and washed your hands, so that they would be clean when you placed each one of your cupcakes on a tray that fit into your fridge.

You became aware of Mingyu’s presence right behind you sooner than you felt the light touch of his dirty arms around your shoulders. You shuddered from the unexpected weight he put on you. Or was your body reacting to the warmth of his breath against your ear?

‘I’ll never eat it. Never,’ he claimed and you rolled your eyes (affectionately).

‘Sure, I worked so hard to bake and decorate these, so that you wouldn’t eat them,’ you said, then turned off the tap water without pulling away or making any attempt at putting more distance between the two of you.

For a split second, you hesitated whether you should have turned around in his arms to make him let you go with your sharp gaze, but soon you came to the conclusion that doing so would have been too risky in the current situation. The ugly, clumsily craved “yes” on the top of your cupcake might have given him enough confidence to realise he also had some power over you. It wasn’t just the other way around.

In the end, you stepped aside, but he still followed you like a giant puppy, his chin resting on your shoulder. Your movements felt uncoordinated as though your body was suddenly three sizes bigger, but you managed to reach the kitchen counter and the confession you had left on it.

Grabbing the lukewarm dessert, you lifted it to your lips, but before you could have taken a huge bite from it, Mingyu linked his long fingers around your wrist and pulled it in front of his own mouth. The crumbs that accidentally fell into your shirt tickled your skin in places that were lowkey unpleasant, but instead of scolding him, you turned your head and dived into the sweets from a different angle.

‘Delicious,’ the baker moaned, exaggerating, earning another eye roll from you and you two finished the cupcake in the middle of your small kitchen until the back hugging position got too painful to maintain due to your height difference.

That night, while you were cleaning the kitchen, you promised Mingyu that you would show him the coolest restaurants in the city and that he could have called all of your dinners dates if he wanted. In exchange, he promised to bake you every cake from his grams’ famous recipe book, which you, too, were allowed to call a date.

You doubted it fitted the definition, but you didn’t draw his attention to his mistake. You were too content to care about semantics when you (thought you) knew exactly what he meant and couldn’t wait to experience it all.

➼ next reason

#seventeen scenarios #caratwritersclub #mingyu x reader #mingyu x you #mingyu #ssbyme #seventeen series #coffee shop au

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skaldish · 9 months

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What do you mean by “who you really are” as compared to “who you think you are”? Because any time you have an idea of who you are, wouldn’t that just be another way you’re thinking you are?

Like, unless you’re talking about somehow bodily *feeling* who you are instead of using conscious thought and critical thinking? But that doesn’t sound right at all

How can you know who you really are, without thinking it?

(Omg I love these questions /gen)

So, basically what I'm suggesting people do is differentiate "who they are" from "their idea of who they are" and to compare these two things to see if they're in agreement.

We tend to think of "the self" as "our personality," but I would argue the self is actually an ecosystem.

This ecosystem that makes you "you" is comprised of a few major things, which includes, but is not limited to:

Your values

Your will

Your lived experiences

Your feelings and reactions

Your choices

Your interests

Your somatic (internal, bodily) experience

Your cognitive experience

Your sexuality

Your gender

Your joys and pleasures

Your fears and dislikes

Your relationships with others (who you identify with)

Your relationships with the world (where you identify with)

Your body (including the brain)

I've found that the best way to know how all of these things fit together is actually through play.

Play is something we need do at all stages of our lives in order to own our continued self-definition and discovery. Case in point: I was finally able to experience who I am, as an adult, because I started doing improv theater after moving out of the house. The characters I wanted to play clued me in on my own nature, a nature that was very different from who I had to be growing up in order to survive, and therefore different from who I thought I was.

Contemplation is an important part of self-knowing, but it's ultimately speculative. While thinking is the vehicle behind self-conceptualization, thinking about who you are doesn't create an intuitive sense of knowing who you are.

The reason for this is because there are certain, vital parts of our minds that can only understand things through bodily expression and experience.

(Keep in mind that I have trauma-related dissociative tendencies. I'm not sure if a non-dissociative adult would have a disconnect between "who they think they are" and "who they feel they are" to the point they would identify these things this way. I've had to do this work very deliberately.)

Here's an example of the interplay: You can plan to build your wardrobe around aesthetics you know you like, but the only way you'll know if an outfit will actually "feel like you" is if you try it on and wear it around. And then you use information you got from that to make further decisions about your wardrobe.

No one part of the ecosystem has greater authority than the other, nor is one part of the ecosystem "supposed" to inform the self more than others. The trick is just kind of letting things shake out the way they want to and exploring from there.

#answered

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a-strange-inkling · 6 months

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If it were up to you ( one of the best hellcheer fanfiction writer) what would you fix or change about the fight of Icarus?

Aw shux, that’s high praise! I really don’t think I’m worthy of that, but thank you 🤍

Oh God… what a laundry list 😆 read at your own risk below (I think I’ve finally run out of things to say about this book and will be moving on now 😅)

I’m going to be honest, the best way fo fix it would be to not write a book. Point blank. If I was involved with the show at all I would have NEVER written a book about Eddie in any official capacity. I don’t know if the author was aware of just how unhinged certain parts of his fanbase are (I’m sure she is now) but you’re not going to make anyone happy with this. Eddie’s ridiculously popular yes, I get it, but part of his appeal for people was how untouched his background was.

Flight of Icarus is kind of a mess plot wise with pretty weak/poor characterizations. There’s some good elements and scenes in it. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either. It’s pretty mid. I mean books based on tv shows aren’t exactly known for their… luster. It’s obviously going to lack the passion of an unpaid fanfic writer who has spent endless hours watching season 4 and doing in-depth research and analysis for their work… but that’s what we’re all used to. That’s our standard. So it’s kind of already set up for failure.

But, if I was in charge of a book like this, here’s some of the things I would do differently:

I’d have picked ONE main plot to focus on because there is way too much going on in these 280 pages for me to have the time to be invested or care about anything. There’s like three plus storylines going on with Eddie all to push ONE narrative which is basically him choosing between risking everything for a fantasy/dream of fame and money or staying true to himself and what’s real which is the steadfast loyalty of his friends and family. This takes the form of Al vs Wayne, Paige vs Ronnie, LA vs Hawkins, solo career vs band/hellfire, dropping out to try to become a rockstar vs being the first Munson to graduate, who Eddie wants to be vs who he truly is deep down.

It’s just too much.

I’d have taken a little more time making Eddie three dimensional. I know he’s a side character, but a lot of heart and thought went into creating him (at least on Joe’s end). I’d have made more conscious choices for his character, especially if he’s narrating in first person (I would have not used first person). His outer dialog is great (the dialog throughout the whole thing is actually really great, you can tell the author’s a screen writer and it’s one of the stronger elements to the book) but his inner monologue is pretty ooc and at times really off. He lacks a lot of the things that drew people to him in the first place or it’s just not as strongly presented I guess. He doesn’t feel fully formed.

If I was going to give Eddie a love interest (I don’t know why you would do that to yourself at this point, his fanbase is volatile at best and either ships him with Steve, Chrissy, or themselves, no one is going to like it) I’d have given her WAY better writing than an immersive wattpad character with little to no character traits outside of her aesthetic and interests which is an alternative style and liking music. Wow. Groundbreaking. I would have her make decisions based on a fully formed personality verses the convenience of the plot. And if not, if she’s going to be a means to an end, I’d at least go all in and make her wild or evil or a total bitch or conniving or funny or grumpy or goofy or something. She’s not given enough focus or time to be well rounded so I’d just have fun and go batshit crazy with her (don’t worry Paige, you’re mine now and I will give you an actual character and vindication).

Eddie choosing between his dad and Wayne would have probably been the plot I picked to focus on and I would have really dived into that. The good, bad and the ugly of the Munson family. Because Al (that would not be his name btw 🤢) and Wayne reflect the two sides of Eddie’s character. A charming, self serving, cowardly asshole and a good, strong and kind person who protects and looks after others. I like Ronnie a lot and she’s probably the best written character in the book, but Wayne needed to have more spotlight for this.

I’d have definitely made the plot a lot less fantastical and way more of a simple character study. Just Eddie deciding between embracing the infamy of the Munson family or choosing to rise above it. Does he decide to scheme and cheat like his dad to get more out of life or does he do the right thing and stay the course to actually graduate and make something of himself. That’s it. All that’s needed. Eddie getting a shot at being a rockstar at eighteen in Hawkins is already kind of odd, especially when his in is a twenty year old “junior scout”??? Who just happens to be at his dive bar and have the hots for him and fucks him and pretty much offers him a life in LA on a silver platter with no issues other than having to bail on his band and high school club?? It’s… a bit much for our unlucky loser boy we see in the show. Book Eddie is as lucky as they come, but he’s a total dumbass and decides to trust and scheme with his deadbeat father??? Who has always failed him? Why? I get he needs money but his kinda girlfriend’s got a job and he’s pretty much got a record deal. What even is this? That whole storyline would be scrapped to hell. But hey, at least it’s more believable than an actual drug heist and a kingpin and a shoot out. Oh and arson. It’s giving… *shivers* Riverdale and not in a good way.

Lastly, I’d have taken the opportunity to develop characters from the show a little more. Not a ton, but like the author did with Higgins. I really like how he was written in the novel. He had a lot of fire and personality out of nowhere which was kind of hilarious. I probably would have expanded Jason the most actually, I’d have added more to that tense rivalry. And I’d have left Chrissy pretty much out of it. The talent show is best left to the imagination and we already have a delicate narrative between them because of the forest scene. I wouldn’t want to add too much there. But she’d have a cameo for sure. Like brief eye contact or a shared smile or something at the very end of the book. Just a little glimmer of what’s to come. I’m also a Eddie has always had a little bit of a thing for Chrissy truther, so in my bias I might have him quietly admire her from afar or something.

And there you go.

I mean you’re going to get my version of his backstory eventually anyway and bonus he and Chrissy live, get married and have kids. Yay!

#flight of icarus #hellcheer #eddie x chrissy #eddissy #munningham #chrissy x eddie #eddie munson #eddie book

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argentrenard · 2 months

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Do you, as a writer, put a lot of thought into the place your character came from? Was it a conscious decision like 'I want to explore what it's like to be x growing up in y', or did you just like the aesthetic of a place and build your character around it? Could you see them originating from other places with slight changes?

Damn this is such a good question.

Yes, having Argent be from Ishgard was 100% a conscious choice. I was seeing a lot of Ishgard from the noble point of view at the time, and only characters like Hilde and some others really portrayed some of the Brume and lower classes. However, the atrocities committed by the ruling class just made me want to play the underdog in Ishgard, and then further someone who had really been chewed up and spit out by the system. And this was before I had even finished the story and knew the truth behind the Dragonsong War!

That being said, I do feel he could be adjusted to fit anywhere, but then, I feel I could say that about any character I write for. He would be different if he grew up in the forests of Gridania or the deck of a Limsa ship, or the dirty back alleys of Ul'dah... but he'd still fundamentally be a very similar character. I would just need to think about other motivational or pivotal moments in his life that would craft the same type of personality and style. I also have an advantage here that he was only really a child in Ishgard, and traveled all over after that into his teen and adult years, which gives me a foundation of freedom as opposed to a character that lived their life mostly in one place.

But I think that I could make changes if I wanted to and still make him work more or less the same regardless of backstory.

He's come up with some crazy false personas and lies about himself already. From a high ranking Yellow Jacket officer, to a match maker for Gridania nobility, to even a beggar on the streets of Ul'dah, he's played many roles. If he can edit himself that drastically outwardly, it wouldn't be hard to edit him internally. Though, I don't think I ever would. He has always been one of those characters that takes my keyboard from me and seems to write himself, and damn my initial opinion.

Thank you for the ask!

#Ask #ffxiv rp #argent renard #ffxiv #ffxiv roleplay #garheredfates #So amazing to do this #This is a true community leader here #I can't wait to read more

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cult-of-artemis-and-athena · 1 year

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get a fucking life

Stop trying to "re-invent" or "re-brand" yourself. A new aesthetic or "era" will not fix your life. Aesthetics-as-lifestyles is something that seems to have proliferated while people were locked in their houses for 2 years. Not necessarily your fault in all cases. I think I understand where it comes from, but I don't think it's healthy or a helpful way to fulfill the desire and longing for things to make sense.

I'm not saying you can't have aspirations, have role models and inspirations, try new things, have a personal style, or change your personal style.

I'm objecting to the idea that if you curate your life a certain way and gaslight yourself into behaving like a different person, it will fix any of a number of problems that present themselves in your life -- take your pick.

"If I wear certain clothes and eat certain things, I will become An Halthy Gorl (TM)"

"If I wear certain clothes and listen to certain music, I will become An Fartistic Gorl (TM)"

Etc.

Pursuing self-improvement - to become more health-conscious or creative - is not the problem. Pursuing these things in a way inauthentic to your Self is the problem.

Online trends are very neat because they are sometimes grassroots. Sometimes there is, but often there isn't a corporation or a brand behind everything with a motivation to sell you some absolute bullshit. It seems since the trend of "aesthetics" has taken off, however, corporations are jumping on the bandwagon and using influencers to astroturf their products to online trends.

Everyone and their dog, at this point, is onto Shein and their crap, but that's a great example I don't need to over-explain.

With the exceptions of what is astroturfed by a corporation, the origin point of a trend that everyone wants to jump on is often ONE person innovating, taking a risk, and being true to themselves. They may do that thing for years in spite of receiving no clout, being considered a weirdo, or getting shit on for what they're doing.

If you look at why punks wore Doc Martens, leather jackets, or military surplus, or clothes with awkward patches and holes, they all go back to practical reasons. Before punks were punks, lot of them were poor and worked in factories; if they were going to have one nice pair of shoes, it was going to be their work boots, and Doc Martens were the best investment for that purpose at the time.

Leather moto jackets were popular in the 1950s and 60s, after that trend passed, a lot of them ended up in thrift stores in the 70s and 80s. If you're a poor kid trying to look cool, you're going to do the best you can with what you can find in a thrift store.

They had holes in their clothes because they were, again, poor and their clothes were naturally worn-out. Perhaps the rebellion lay in the fact that even poor people did their best to be "presentable" and did not wear worn-out clothing in public if they could help it, but it's not like they were buying pre-ripped jeans from a store for $100.

The people who came after, who made a conscious decision to adopt the punk lifestyle, may have ripped up their pants to still piss off anyone who felt worn-out clothes in public was disrespectful.

Then the media makes movies about punks, and punk music starts getting radio play, and normies get exposed to a romanticized and context-free image of punk that they like, and it's still rebellious enough to piss off their parents. However at this time, there are still "real" punks from the original movement, so one foot is still grounded in reality, so to speak.

Then decades pass and punk has become fully commodified into a cartoon character meme. It's a trope that's been remixed, satirized, and deconstructed by Big Fashion. The bottom tip of the iceberg still exists, but the entry point - from where someone gets into Avril Lavigne or MGK at age 11 and they're shopping at Claire's and Hot Topic (I'm probably showing my age...) - is so far removed. And sometimes, people just fuckin stay there unless it was a phase and they move onto something else.

There's a difference between adopting punk almost accidentally because you went to the skate park and interacted with punks, and starting to skateboard because you just discovered The Ramones and you're checking off the punk checklist: "Put safety pins on my bag, check. Wear a dog collar, check. Next, I gotta get a CBGB shirt and dye my hair purple. I gotta get more piercings, because the more piercings I have the higher that my punk level is."

I'll be the first to admit 13-year old me was the latter one. Now, with 20 years of hindsight, my boomer father was 100% correct to make fun of my pre-ripped jeans and tell me I should buy non-ripped jeans and do chores in them to get rips. In my own defense, however, naturally-ripped jeans often rip in a way that makes them unwearable instead of derelique.

This is not a commentary on how to treat posers, but the poser-like thought process of curating a persona that checks off aesthetic boxes without regard for practicality or individuality. However, it's applied toward being a "clean girl" or "French girl" or "alt girl".

On one hand, "aesthetics" are self-aware in acknowledging their superficiality. On the other, that in itself is a red flag that they're about as attainable and sustainable as the artificial environments and scenarios in media that inspires them.

The only outcome of trying to check all the boxes of a "French girl" aesthetic in Peebles, Ohio is disappointment.

I'm not saying you have to embrace minimalism, but in the wardrobe minimalist community, there is the concept of dressing for your real life instead of your aspirational life.

In a way that men don't, women have a mysterious pressure put upon them to be everything and everyone except who they are. "Unattainable standards" gets thrown around a lot, and it's easy to dismiss as "someone who feels entitled to credit from a result without attaining it" but what's actually being lashed out at is not always the standard itself, but sometimes it's likely the moving of the goalposts once that's reached.

I don't know where this started, and going into the possible historical and cultural genesis of this mindset is out of scope, it's largely an internalization. It's the feminine impulse to disregard twenty people who consistently say positive things or don't care and then hyper-fixate on the one person who made an off-color comment once. How many of those people are in your head?

Perhaps it's true that females, on average, are predisposed to negative emotions and conformity. Perhaps it's true that society systemically conditions girls from a young age to be obedient social chameleons who view themselves in third person. Likely both have something to do with it.

I think women who adopt the persona of being a staunch "man repeller" are just as obsessed with their image and potentially Self-denying as the pick me's who would break their feet in half if someone told them it's what attracts High Value Menz. None of this should be about cultivating approval or revulsion in a social audience.

This issue intersects heavily with consumerism, which is why I invoked the example of early punks. We have to get out of the mindset that we can go on Amazon and, within a few hours, order a brand new personality of new clothes and hobby supplies that will be used for a few months then discarded.

"Just be yourself" is advice that's given lazily, and abused frequently as a cope for not improving, but I believe that's close to the solution. Nietzsche said it better, though: become who you are. This could involve discarding and deconstructing forms of identity that come from destructive and schizophrenia-inducing sources such as mass media, social media, and consumerism and affiliating yourself with timeless identities based in culture, craft, spirituality, the natural world, and immutable personal characteristics and talents.

"Show me the face you had before you were born" -- The Buddha

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mangle-my-mind · 7 months

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Todd Haynes on the Visual Style of Velvet Goldmine

OM: In writing the script, were you afraid that the strong visual style of the film would overwhelm the characters to the point of pushing them to the background and having the film be about its film-making?

TH: I think the film succeeds in exploring the way stylistic tropes and conventions of expression can be taken to an extreme point of self-conscious, ironic, highly theatrical, highly worked presentation without losing emotion - but I'm still not really sure how it works. And yet it's been the thing that I've been drawn to in all my films; Superstar is the best, cleanest example of that. And I completely agree with you that the doll scene in Velvet Goldmine - which is definitely a homage to myself (somebody's got to do it) - does represent the film as a whole, and maybe in the most complete way. A lot of it has to do with the game of laughing and feeling aware of the construct - in a fun way, not in a Brechtian, didactic way. There's humor in glam rock, there's irony and wit, and it's often about its own point of address; it's often about the presentation, the inherent artificiality of our so-called natural world. And yet it ends up being very moving with its rhythm, its meter, its color. And that's something I was going to try to do with this film.

What is so hard about narrative, and our current traditions - which don't even include the musical any longer - or the codified, highly stylized pop culture of the past, is how to avoid the Hollywood gloss - which only gets glossier as budgets soar - as well as the indie gritty "realism" we accept today. So directing this film was all about taking it to a new stylized, self-conscious, artificial extreme, without losing the good old-fashioned emotional connection to the characters. It was the hardest thing about the project, but it was the one thing I demanded from myself throughout the process.

What I really found dangerous about the many aesthetic styles and stylistic choices was the risk of alienating the characters by removing a naturalistic definition from scenes. And yet I find the "Press Soiree" - the scene where everyone's in the gold costumes, which culminates in some strange circus/opera house - is rooted in a more "real" space. And the irony is that this artifice, this scene, comes from something that really happened, that was pushed about as far into the surreal as you could possibly imagine. The scene came from the time when the MainMan management company assembled itself in London, flying over a handful of US critics to introduce the Ziggy Stardust tour. I think it was at the Dorchester Hotel in London where Bowie, Lou Reed and Iggy Pop posed all day long. Bowie changed costumes maybe four times, they served champagne and caviar and fresh strawberries, and everyone literally performed themselves: Iggy played the junky on the floor; Lou Reed played the snide American who is smitten with Bowie; and Bowie played the duchess of the entire event. It was a completely constructed theatrical performance that took place in real life, and so it didn't take that much more imagination on my part to push it to the extremes I did in the film. I kept defining the characters all the time so they wouldn't get lost in the grandeur of it all.

OM: That grandeur, the visual language of the film, is incredibly rich and textured. You use what seems to be a huge arsenal of visual tools. Your cinematic vocabulary (zoom-ins and outs, swish pans, fades, dissolves, superimposition, rack focus, etc.), your use of color (saturated, glittering, bleached, faded, etc.), the use of different genre conventions (the biopic, promo film, documentary, melodrama, musical, period piece, mystery, etc.), and your many choices of lighting styles and camera angles, among other things, create a wonderful sense of serious fun.

TH: A lot of those stylistic decisions came out of a focus on the way film-making styles have changed over the last thirty years. I looked at how so many of the visual motifs in those youth experience movies I mentioned before [like 2001, Clockwork Orange, and Nicolas Roeg's Performance] as well as in some of the best movies of the early seventies - Robert Altman's work, Coppola's and others - have disappeared from our canvases. At that time there was a climate of experimentation with lenses and zooms: they preferred long lenses as opposed to wide lenses. It literally led to an appreciation of the grain of cinema - what isn't completely clear and completely available to an objective assessment. So I wanted to get back to that. I also had a nasty desire to break rules that were deemed tacky, to reintroduce all the potentially hokey devices that have gone out of style. I wanted all that fun stuff to become commonplace in the overall style of the film and then for it to be highly sutured with music, voice-over, and fractions of narrative.

OM: I know you put together a big scrapbook to define the look of Safe. Did you do the same with Velvet Goldmine?

TH: Yes. Three scrapbooks, actually. Big ones. It really is part of my way of working as a film-maker. Because glam was such a visual application of rock, the clothes, the hair, the make-up - both on and off stage - were going to be an essential part of how to imagine the collage of looks for this film. The scrapbooks helped inform me how the film would be shot, how it would be designed, costumed, color-coded, etc. I put together pure images of the bands and album covers, from the most throw-away backstage snap shots to the most theatrical Roxy Music cover. I wanted to have it all in one place, to have a great source of information for everybody. We pulled out those books at every stage, from casting to costume design to make-up and hair. They were really an essential part of the process from the script stage on.*

OM: Each scene is very specific, and I remember when you came back from London the first thing you told me was that you shot the script, which is quite an accomplishment.

TH: It's funny because I never write the script just for myself, even though it may read like it sometimes. I try to explain with the script as meticulously as possible - and it does sometimes verge on the insanely meticulous - exactly what I am seeing in my head and hearing in my ears - which includes every minute description of the score in the very first draft of the script, and all the fades and optical effects. To me, film is about all of its elements together; it's not about some piece of truth that I'm immortalizing on celluloid and which later I can finesse with clever little tools. It's all constructed! It's all working together to present to you, the reader, something that is an experience as well as a blueprint. That's where my scripts go overboard. And they often require more technical discussion than other scripts because I am paying attention to such specific details at an early stage. I don't really know how to write a screenplay without acknowledging all the elements of film-making I want to use... In a way it's impractical; I admire the simplicity of directors who can say, "At this stage, we just need to know the dialogue and the location." In most films that's enough; it gives you enough sense of the rhythm, pace, the overall body of it. But my scripts are always loaded with excessive descriptions of music and subtleties that you may never even perceive when you're watching the film but that I choose to put in the writing. I have to go completely sensory in my descriptions, as if I'm describing, in semi-technical language, a film I am watching.

OM: It probably has something to do with your need to control the medium when you direct. You also storyboard every film you make from beginning to end, which is completely unusual. Why do you insist on sketching every shot?

TH: What can I tell you? I'm a control freak. But I have my reasons. I think most people who work in film - technicians and directors alike - agree that the clearest way to describe what you're seeing in your head is to have a sketch of it... If you have something very specific in mind, which I usually do, you have to be able to show it... [If] I don't feel I see the scene, I feel like it hasn't been written. And if I do see the scene in my head - which ultimately I must in order to direct it - I'm going to show it on the storyboard. I have to make it visual.

Velvet Goldmine has so many scenes that are indescribable in terms of visual reality. Take the scene where the character of Devine is introduced, with that line of executives sitting at a long table. Both Maryse [Alberti], the DP, and Christopher Hobbes, the designer, were very patient with me as I got closer and closer to being able to make this imaginary space concrete. It was supposed to be an empty, strange space - possibly a big studio room - but, for the most part, I wanted it to be defined by the lighting and by this absurdly large conference table that would be tilted and floating in space. That's a scene I'm particularly proud of because all of the angles, the lighting, the costumes work so well together that there is this assumption that we know exactly where we are. All the elements come together but it starts with a clear understanding among the crew of what every shot is going to look like.

Source - "Superstardust: Talking Glam with Todd Haynes", Oren Moverman

Edits and highlights my own :)

*Bonus: For anyone in/near New York City, there will be a Todd Haynes retrospective and exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image starting this November. It'll include his production archive, which means there might be a chance to see the Velvet Goldmine scrapbooks in person!

#this interview is the gift that keeps on giving. so much interesting stuff!#25yearsofvelvetgoldmine #velvetgoldmine25th #velvet goldmine #SO excited for the Todd Haynes retrospective - I'll have to get myself uptown to the MoMI for the first time #and the retrospective means ANOTHER chance to see VG on the big screen!

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sshbpodcast · 1 year

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I am just going outside and may be some time: Star Trek EV Suits

By Ames

It’s been a minute since A Star to Steer Her By did all of our blogposts on Starfleet uniforms (here’s one to get you started!), and we’re finally letting out our inner Project Runway judge again. This time, we’re looking at all the environmental suits in Star Trek – definitely a costume that should hold function well above form, but this is television after all, so sometimes not so much.

Can you survive in the vacuum of space in all of these? In any of these? And which ones have that day-to-night aesthetic that will have Heidi Klum wanting it for her own closet? Read on below to see all the images I could muster of EV suits, skydiving suits, and what might just be a speedskating suit with a helmet. You can also listen to our usual banter on this week’s podcast episode (discussion at 50:48). Now wait for the airlock doors to completely cycle, and out we go!

The Original Series

In “The Tholian Web” we are treated to an amazingly 60s take on a futuristic spacesuit, and it is a thing to behold. Looking back on this from today’s standards, the TOS EV suit is definitely retro looking, and like the uniforms of the era, they are very conscious of using color every chance they get. The vibrant gel-tone tubes and contraptions that stripe their way up and down the body and arms are definitely “doing science,” and the big pen cap of a helmet may obstruct your view in most directions but still looks sharp as nails!

The Animated Series

When Star Trek went animated in the 70s, literally every decision about the quaint, often dopey cartoon show was made to save money. We’ve railed on this before in our coverage of the short-lived series (full playlist on SoundCloud!), but the animation just looked so cheap. So cheap, in fact, that they couldn’t even be bothered to design and animate EV suits and instead concocted the effortless solution of using a belt that would outline the character in yellow highlighter. It’s actually a brilliant move in-world, but we will never hear of it again.

TOS Films

The films had more budget than the show. Waaaay more budget. So the EV suits that we see in The Motion Picture and The Wrath of Khan are actually professional looking. These are spacesuits that we could actually envision astronauts wearing and functioning entirely. The colors are… very 70s. Drab browns and burnt siennas like the paneling on a Winnebago. And the knitting on the arms and pants are… also very 70s. But these costumes are definitely worth the extra cost, which was literally any cost at all compared to what we just saw above.

Generations and Voyager

Orbital skydiving suit

Okay, I’m including the orbital skydiving suits from the scene cut from Generations and that we finally get to see Torres wear in “Extreme Risk” because I think they’re snazzy as hell. Unlike other EV suits, these ones are specifically made to be able to tolerate breaking atmosphere without baking you like a cake. All the little mirrored squares accomplish so much and yet are so simple – it’s easy just looking at them to understand they do something to combat that whole cake problem. How? Who cares, they’re shiny!

First Contact, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager

We probably see these uniforms the most since they got reused considerably after their debut in First Contact, and you know what? They’re pretty solid. Unlike the gloriously campy TOS EV suits, these suits allow for more field of view from their very traditional helmets. They have adequate heft to them to make us understand that they are doing something to keep you alive. And the colorful glowing buttons kinda harken back to all the candylike panels of the original Enterprise bridge!

Enterprise

Let’s go back to an even earlier Enterprise though! One thing we discussed in both our uniforms discussion and our starships discussion is that Enterprise as a series does a really great job of bridging the aesthetics gap between the known tech of today and all the Trek designs of the show. And their EV suits are no different. The big helmets and general shape of the suits just scream “I am a normal astronaut.” The brown color on the other hand… it’s kinda a chin scratcher why they did that.

“First Flight”

We do also get a quick look at an even earlier suit from the episode “First Flight” when we see some Archer flashbacks. These are more flight suits than EV suits, but I’m going to make you look at them anyway. If you thought the Enterprise suits above did a good job looking like they could be what NASA designs in the future, as I just told you to think, then these flight suits could probably be taken off the rack at NASA headquarters today. They’re orange. They’re unpressurized so they just look like normal cloth. They’re super practical. Check, check, and check.

Star Trek (2009)

Color me surprised to find out that the first time we see EV suits in department colors is in the Kelvin movies. These suits are actually pretty sleek, with slimming color blocking on the torso that would have these things selling off the shelves at any fashion outlet. The straps that cross the chest are assumably for the parachute pack and of course feature probably the most tasteful delta insignia we’ve seen, especially compared to the Kelvin duty uniforms that go overboard with the things.

Into Darkness

Thermal protection suit

Well, if I included the orbital skydiving suit already, then I might as well include the volcano suit from Into Darkness. It accomplishes a similar goal: to withstand a truly inhospitable environment full of lava and extreme heat. Even the look is similar to the tons of little glass squares of Torres’s skydiving costume, but these squares are a fiery orange to make the scene look even hotter. Speaking of hot, I would be remiss if I neglected to mention the biggest selling point: that absolutely majestic cod piece we see on Spock which Caitlin dubbed the “loins flare.” Oh my.

Thruster suit

Okay, here’s where my suspension of belief crashes down in the artificial gravity. These skintight suits look more like apparel for skiing or speedskating than they do for surviving even for a couple of seconds in space. The helmets look like what you’d wear bobsledding, luging, or skeletoning. So basically what we’re determining is that the thruster suits in Into Darkness look more like they belong in nearly any sport in the winter Olympics than in Star Trek. Someone please put these on an ice dancer and maybe I’ll be happy.

Discovery

Season 1

The aesthetic of Discovery tends to be over designed because we see time and again just way too much flair and nothing looking particularly practical. We saw it in the random deltas in the paneling of the uniforms. We see it in their visually overwhelming mirror universe designs. And we see it in this bubble-domed EV suit with the football shoulder pads. Seriously, those protrusions from the bulky-as-hell shoulders would make using your arms entirely impossible and we’re too distracted by them to care about any of the rest of it.

Season 2

By season 2, we have a slightly more sane-looking EV suit that actually marries style and function pretty well! More than anything, we actually appreciate the reference to the EV suits from “The Tholian Web” in those evolved shapes on the chest that align pretty nicely with all the pretty colored tubes and junk from TOS. The rest of the suit looks sleek without looking just way too sleek like the Into Darkness costumes did, and bringing the department colors into the mix is always a nice factor to see!

Season 3-4

When we jump to the future in Discovery, things get more futuristic but somehow not any prettier. The helmets, especially with the little protrusion on the forehead and the cartoonish color blocking, look like they belong on Power Rangers more than they belong on Star Trek. And how on earth do they have V-neck chest plates? What a strange cut! The light-up Vs look even more strange since the shape they create just befuddles the eye. If light-up boobs is what the future holds, count me out.

Red Angel Suit

While we did poopoo the whole Red Angel plot in our time travel blogpost, the Red Angel suit certainly is pretty. Sure, it’s in that Ant Man and the Wasp (totally appropriate right now!) kind of pretty, but can we all just admit the wings are very visually striking whenever we see them? This thing seems to me to be even more futurey than the future suits we just looked at, and maybe that’s because it’s more of a time machine than a plain EV suit. This thing can go anywhere!

Lower Decks

While The Animated Series was all about keeping the budget low by not drawing anything too complicated, Lower Decks… well, also doesn’t draw much that’s too complicated in their rendition of the EV suit. The smooth white surface of the costume could easily be what we got if Apple had tried to design the EV suits from First Contact. Overall, they’re not terribly interesting but they do what they need to do, and the sort of turquoise glow and light up boot soles are kinda cute.

Prodigy

The CGI costumes in Prodigy are pretty standard EV suits in a very dark grey, but one thing we greatly appreciate when seeing them is how well they fit unconventional body shapes like a Brikar and a Tellarite without question. These helmets also have some of the best field of view of any of the ones we’ve seen so far, which is important in an action-packed show like this. Everything else looks pretty standard, but you don’t need to reinvent the wheel with every show (someone tell Discovery that).

Strange New Worlds

Finally, we get to the last of the currently running series of Trek with Strange New Worlds. Like Pike’s crew did with their duty uniforms in season 2 of Discovery, this crew is basically taking the other crew’s design and just changing the colors around. In this case, the division colors are now moved to that chest plate shape and the rest of the body and limbs are a nicely patterned dark grey. Does it improve on the original design that we liked in the Discovery suits? Well, our hosts are a bit split on that opinion, as you’ll see below.

—

So which EV suits have us lining up to go for a space walk and which ones would we turn down and go out in our underwear instead? Get into gear to see our favorite and least favorite environmental suits here:

Favorites

Ames: Strange New Worlds

Caitlin: Discovery, season one, ~or~ Star Trek (2009)

Chris: Strange New Worlds

Jake: Discovery, season two

Least Favorites

Ames: Into Darkness, thruster suit

Caitlin: The Motion Picture

Chris: Intro Darkness, thermal protection suit

Jake: Discovery, season one

—

Time to put on your normal Starfleet jammies and curl up with some more Star Trek. We’ve got more Voyager to watch for the podcast over on SoundCloud or wherever you like to listen. You can also brave the elements over on Facebook and Twitter, and come back inside; it’s cold out there!

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rose-bookblood · 4 months

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When the Stars Alight appreciation week — Day 4

When the Stars Alight is @aninkwellofnectar's debut novel, first in the Essence of the Equinox series.

I didn't want to post around Christmas because I could practically hear crickets on my dash, but now that it seems to have revived a little, I can continue with WTSA appreciation week.

Day 4: Parallels to other media or your own work

I've compared WTSA to The Vampire Diaries TV show a billion times by now, so this is the perfect chance for a deep dive.

Of course, the most surface-level parallel is the love triangle between two brothers who are in love with the same woman, which is probably the one thing you've heard of about TVD even if you haven't seen a single episode. The Laila-Darius-Dominus triangle instantly struck me as the more mature and tragic version of that, one that commits to the brothers being monsters. It feels like the author saw the dynamic in TVD and went the "what if" route with her novel, a route I immensely enjoyed. Don't get me wrong, I like the path TVD chooses, it makes more sense for the genre and target audience, but we've all felt that curiosity to know what would've happened if the story had taken a different turn.

Something that, for me, emphasizes the connection to the TVD love triangle is that Laila herself reminds me of a better version of Elena. Darius and Dominus do remind me of Damon and Stefan too, but the line here is blurred. Laila, though, has some of Elena's core characteristics, not just surface-level similarities. In the show, what defines Elena is her compassion... Too bad I've never bought that. Elena's kindness feels very performative and, in turn, what strikes me about her are her manipulative tendencies. In turn, Laila is genuinely compassionate and righteous, always trying to change the world for the better, while also often being manipulative — which is one of my favourite aspects of her character. Laila is both who TVD thinks Elena is and what she could've been if the writers had committed to her flaws, instead of sweeping them under the rug.

Another parallel is how much Laila and Darius remind me of Caroline and Klaus's relationship. While on the surface Laila and Darius parallel Elena and Damon, at a deeper analysis I feel like they have more of Caroline and Klaus in them, both the characters themselves and the relationship proper. This will come as a surprise to absolutely no one, especially not the author, who feeds me with Klaroline quotes over Laila and Darius reels.

Laila and Caroline are both smart but naïve, young immortals, contrasting with Darius and Klaus, who are also immortal, but have already lived for centuries. They offer a counterpart with much more experience and a darkness to them as well (I couldn't go a whole post without mentioning the dark/light theme). Darius reminds me in particular of early days Klaus, during the few episodes he appears in in season 2: the very mysterious, ruthless, charming version we see in Katherine's flashbacks.

Speaking of Laila, even though her story isn't finished, I can see her going on a path of emancipation and empowerment like Caroline. Laila is already a princess, but she's very much subjected to her mother's control. I'm excited to watch her stepping out from under Amira's thumb and fully realise herself.

The last comparison I can make is way less interesting and deep, but the effects of chaos magic and, therefore, Mortesian demons' true faces remind me of TVD vampires: fangs, change in eye colour, blackened veins especially. I don't know if it was a conscious decision on the author's part, but the way vampires look in TVD has always been a cool aesthetic choice in my opinion, so I couldn't not appreciate it.

#wtsaweek2023

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gogreencabs · 6 months

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Taxi in Bicester

Beyond Convenience: The Environmental Impact of Choosing Green Bicester Taxis

In an era where environmental consciousness is paramount, choosing environmentally-friendly Bicester Taxi to explore the area goes beyond mere convenience—it becomes a conscious decision to reduce one's carbon footprint.

As concerns about climate change and sustainability take centre stage, individuals are increasingly seeking eco-friendly alternatives in every aspect of their lives, including transportation.

This blog explores the profound environmental impact of opting for green taxis in Bicester, shedding light on how such choices contribute to a more sustainable and eco-conscious future.

Reducing Carbon Emissions: A Breath of Fresh Air

Traditional modes of transportation, especially those relying on fossil fuels, contribute significantly to air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. Bicester Green taxis, on the other hand, often utilize environmentally friendly technologies such as hybrid or electric engines.

By choosing these eco-conscious Taxi Bicester options, commuters actively participate in the reduction of harmful emissions that degrade air quality and contribute to climate change. Each ride becomes a breath of fresh air for the town and its residents, contributing to a cleaner and healthier environment.

Preserving Bicester's Natural Beauty: A Collective Responsibility

Bicester boasts a rich tapestry of natural beauty, from the serene meadows to the historic architecture that surrounds the landscape. Choosing green taxis is a step towards preserving this aesthetic charm.

With reduced emissions and a commitment to sustainability, green taxis play a role in maintaining the integrity of Bicester's environment.

By collectively embracing environmentally conscious transportation, residents and visitors alike contribute to the preservation of the town's unique character for generations to come.

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Supporting Local Initiatives: Nurturing a Greener Community

The choice to opt for green Taxi in Bicester is not just about personal transportation—it's a contribution to local initiatives aimed at creating a more sustainable community.

Many green taxi services actively engage in eco-friendly practices, such as offsetting carbon emissions, planting trees, or investing in renewable energy.

By supporting these initiatives through the choice of transportation, we become integral participants in nurturing a greener, more sustainable Bicester.

Economic Benefits: A Win-Win for Both Pocket and Planet

Contrary to the misconception that eco-friendly choices are always financially burdensome, opting for green Bicester taxis can be a win-win for both your pocket and the planet.

As technology advances and the demand for sustainable transportation grows, green taxi services become more competitive in pricing offering the best services at reasonable rates.

Setting an Example for Future Generations: Education Through Action

Choosing green Bicester taxis isn't just about the present—it's an investment in the future. By making environmentally conscious choices today, we set an example for future generations. The younger members of our community observe and internalize the importance of sustainability through our actions.

This ripple effect has the potential to shape a collective mindset that prioritizes eco-friendly practices in all aspects of life, ensuring a legacy of environmental responsibility for Bicester's future inhabitants.

In conclusion:

The decision to opt for green Bicester taxis transcends the realm of convenience, becoming a powerful statement in favour of environmental sustainability.

From reducing carbon emissions and preserving natural beauty, the impact of this choice resonates far beyond the individual commute.

If you want to take the initiative toward a greener, more sustainable Bicester, it starts with the choices we make today. Booking Go Green Taxis Bicester is not just a practical decision for your immediate commute; it is a conscious step towards creating a lasting impact on the environment and the community. By supporting green transportation options, you become a part of a greater movement working towards a more sustainable tomorrow.

So, the next time you plan your journey through the charming streets of Bicester, consider the lasting impact of your transportation choice. Choose the greener path, book Go Green Taxis, and be part of the positive change reshaping the way we travel!

Check out our website to get more information about Taxi in Reading!

#Bicester Taxi #Taxi Bicester #Taxi in Bicester

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