#because (headcanon) i am sure that it was not only depression but some sort of of e.d. (eating disorder) due to stress

[bugs1nmybrain]

Bipolar!Shigaraki Tomura Headcanons

I'm writing it. Because I CAN

Before I start, I am writing these headcanons as someone who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1 for almost three years now. I frankly could not care less if people don't think he has Bipolar Disorder, I'm writing this for my comfort and that of others who either have Bipolar disorder or just resonate with the idea that Tomura does.

and I'm also very aware of Bipolar Disorder being stigmatized as something that affects "bad" people. I'm not trying to suggest this, but that Tomura is someone who is neglected of treatment.

Warning: Bipolar disorder as title suggests (Tomura's symptoms relate to type 1 more), talks of depression, mania, psychosis, suicidality, etc, angst?

Tomura has never been given a formal diagnosis and likely has no clue that he has bipolar disorder himself. He doesn't know much about it, either, other then the stereotype that people with general mood swings are "so bipolar."

The doctor knows, AFO does too, but for them, they see it as more ammo for their arsenal to make sure Tomura's life is nothing but agony. He's never been treated with medications or therapy. Nothing.

Because he isn't medicated, his episodes are pretty strong. His manic episodes sort of blend in with his everyday behavior to a lot of people.

It's during this time that he finds himself planning out grand operations against the heroes. Some of his ideas seem unrealistic and not well thought out. They're more just ideas thrown around, and he jumps to gather people and means to carry out his goal before actually having a calculated plan.

He's up all night doing this. But if he's not, he's likely gaming. He huddles up in his room with multiple cans of energy drinks (as if he didn't already have way too much energy).

(semi-canon) will text his comrades at godforsaken hours either asking, demanding, or just rambling about stuff. If he gets an answer, the recipient often finds themself confused because Tomura just talks and talks and talks, and when he's in the heat of some plan or project he doesn't really stop to compose his sentences or even take a damn breath.

He impulsively buys things, like copious amounts of in-game purchases. Or DoorDash. If he's feeling reeeaaal bold he'll go for a whole-ass gaming console if he can, even if his current one is perfectly fine. Or assembling as many thugs as he can and feeling generous enough to overpay them when they definitely don't need the amount of money he's giving them.

You can see how when AFO was arrested, his lifestyle shifted in this regard.

Tomura is already an irritable guy, and so his mania can make it worse. He gets very overstimulated with all of his sensations that little things, like accidentally stubbing his toe, can make him mad as fuck for a good thirty minutes.

He also gets very paranoid about others. When he talks to people, he's already convinced that they are tricking him somehow and he'll read every cue he can to confirm it, even if the proof isn't even there.

Even when he's out in public and by himself, he thinks everyone is mocking, judging, and looking at him. That also comes with being the most wanted villain around, but that's beside the point.

When something finally goes his way, he is HAPPY. Sometimes the League will catch Tomura smiling his face off for no apparent reason (odd for him), and will ask what's up, only for Tomura to CACKLE back with, "ehehAHAH NOTHING!! THAT's just IT!"

They look at each other like, but just let him go about his day. They'll later hear him giggling to himself in his room, and sometimes talking to himself. He'll deny and just tell them he was on chat (his devices are not open and he is standing in the middle of his room).

Because he's not medicated, his mania can trickle into psychotic symptoms. Especially if he's going through more stress than typical. He hears voices that tell him mean things. Sometimes they're the voices of his dead family.

And because he doesn't sleep much, he sees detailed shadows and things moving that aren't. It disturbs him, but he accepts it and tries to just push on. But sometimes if he hears voices more than he'd like, he gets sad and has to grip his head and whisper "shut up shut up shut up" to negate them.

He's delusional, too. AFO's grooming and constant monitoring of his whole life have definitely emphasized his distrust of everything around him. Sometimes he'll think that the people he's gaming with online are secret hero spies trying to get him to reveal himself. He also has a fear that someone is watching him in every location, and he'll think that even the silliest things are cameras or microphones, or that those around him are also spies. Later on, it becomes paranoia that his master is everywhere.

Then comes the doom of depression

For Tomura, he's technically always depressed. But when he goes into a depressive episode, he's pretty lifeless.

He's complacent about his goals. Sometimes he'll get a tiny idea that makes his brain go !, but then he thinks of all the planning behind it and immediately slouches down on any nearby furniture

He'll lay in bed for a long period of time doing nothing. Sometimes he'll try to play a game on his phone but he gets bored quick.

Tends to eat more during this time because it's the only joy he can get. And he gets bored. He is SO BORED

Anhedonia is a bitch

His brain dwells and rambles, yet his thoughts don't make sense to him? He's constantly thinking about how fucked up his life is, how better other villains are, and how much he hates All Might and heroes altogether. He tells himself that if it wasn't for all of that he wouldn't feel this way (relating to the depressive episode).

It overwhelms him and he tries to sleep it off, but he's somehow so depressed that he's UNCOMFORTABLE. His itching gets bad.

He is very suicidal during this time and hurts himself to try and subside it. If you asked him his reason for living, he'd tell you "to see this world crumble." But he's too busy crumbling in his bed.

Psychotic symptoms can occur during his depression, too. Especially if he hasn't slept.

His lack of medication usually causes him to swap back to mania somewhat soon (2 months or so). He definitely has rapid cycles.

Because his condition isn't managed, his brain is sort of in an in-an-out stance when it comes to his literal sanity. He has moments where he can definitely be level-headed (he gets rrly confident when he notices it) but when his anger and stress fuel him more than usual, he spirals and quite literally sees red. Sometimes he can't even tell if he's dreaming or not. Often mistakes the date and day of the week.

:(

I might write a fic of the reader comforting bipolar tomura. I don't think I've ever seen a fic like that for any character.

#shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tomura headcanons #tomura shigaraki #tenko shimura #shigaraki headcanons #bipolar shigaraki #the league of villains #shiggy #shigaraki x reader

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

Can you please write headcanons for Uramichi and Kumatani falling in love with female reader and also jealousy headcanons for them? Thank you 😊

Falling In Love & Jealousy Headcanons

A/n: I won't hide from you, at first I was confused because I thought I am not writing for Kumatani but I double checked and yeah I am just stupid.

Pairing: Kumatani x fem!reader, Uramichi x fem!reader

Trigger warnings: mentions of depression since it's Uramichi

Falling In love

Kumatani

Kumatani is really calm as we all know and he sort of strikes me as a somewhat traditional guy when it comes to courting you

He won't deny that he has fallen in love with you, he knows himself ver well and he is confident in his abilities

it didn't come off as a shock when he found himself sort of longing for you when he went out with the cast of the show and after some thought he just casually reached the conclusion that his feelings towards you aren't so friendly as he thought

He won't do much when it comes to courting you but that doesn't mean he thinks he is sure that he can make you his

I think Kumatani is more of an actions than words person which means that the only way for him to show you that he is interested in you will be through subtle gifts like chocolates, food, maybe something more thoughtful like a teddy bear

Also, I think his confession will be really heartfull (he prepared for this for a week)

Uramichi

Uramichi will simply be in denial

He doesn't know how it happened, how he fell for you and for a long time will simply just brush it off and will desperately try not to think about it

But whenever you join the cast after shooting he will somehow sit close to you, laugh at your jokes, maybe steal a few glances at your outfit

It reaches the point where he can't function properly without you occupying his thoughts

He will casually confess as if it is nothing

Jealousy

Kumatani

Kumatani doesn't get jealous, it is as simple as that

He knows himself, he knows you and he trusts you more than anything so he is more than sure that you will turn whoever is hitting on you down

It's small, I know, but he just doesn't get jealous, fight me

Uramichi

Does he get jealous? Not really.

Is he insecure? Yes

Let's be realistic the only thing that actually makes his insecure even though he doesn't mind it, is his job. What do I mean? He loves his job but he can't help but think that there are way better jobs than his

So when he sees someone hit on you, he knows that you will turn them down but he will wrap a protective arm around your waist mostly to reassure himself

Overall, he is just insecure and not jealous

#uramichi oniisan x reader #uramichi omota x reader #uramichi x reader #uramichi omota #uramichi oniisan #kumatani mitsuo #kumatani mitsuo x reader #life lessons with uramichi #big brother uramichi #writing #anime #manga #anime and manga

[jackoshadows]

can you tag your sansa stark posts as anti sansa stark? I’m not telling you to remove the main tag but just add the anti one

Just block me and move on.

It’s weird how fans of the character feel that canon Sansa quotes from the books is anti Sansa.  Meanwhile Arya and Jon stans have to deal with murder baby Arya and incompetent Jon or unrelated quotes randomly put together to rewrite relationships. Maybe that's why the Arya and Jon tags are so full of headcanon Sansa that most of the time feels like an unrecognizable OC.

And then in the comments there is someone who has ‘not read the books in years’ telling me that I lack reading comprehension  😂

And this is while there is so much racist Arya fanart from Sansa stans on the Arya Stark tag despite repeated requests from poc to stop doing this.

It's honestly so depressing to go on the Arya Stark tag and see fanart on the tag or sidebars - because racist art is so popular in fandom!! - where canonically white Arya is differentiated from her more classically beautiful sister by simply drawing her in darker skin tones. At this point it's clear that artists are aware of the racist implications of doing this and still continue to do this because they don't care.

And yet using a Sansa book quote is supposedly 'anti Sansa' and needs to be tagged as such. I guess the tags should only be used for headcanons of racist caricatures of ‘ugly’ Arya and beautiful blue eyed, whitey white Sansa being the best sisters ever and nothing else.

I think the problem for many Sansa stans is that they stay in their echo chambers with their made up headcanons so that when they do venture outside that chamber to posts by other readers on the tag using the books, they are shocked and think there is some sort of unfair crusade going on against their fave.

I am not saying staying within fandom spaces is totally wrong btw. We all curate our fandom experiences on Tumblr. This app in particular allows us to block out ships or opinions we don’t particularly like. I am sure my group of mutuals and fans, including me, who reblog and follow posts have a similar kind of groupthink.

However, what’s fascinating with Sansa stans in particular is that Sansa is so much of a self-insert at this point that 90% of the character is headcanons. Her most popular ships are crackships, her relationships with her siblings has been re-written, she is now the underdog and outcast etc.

This has happened to me so many times -  I make a post, a Sansa stan responds saying I am wrong, I don’t know how to read, I am a hater etc., I respond with book quotes and ask them to read the books, I am called uncivil and then immediately blocked (they just have to get that last word in!) Rinse and repeat.

Take the post that got me the above message for example.

“I’m not like Arya,” Sansa blurted. “She has the traitor’s blood, not me.”   - Sansa, AGoT

This is really not what happens in that chapter at all. Sansa does not really think of Arya, admits to forgetting about her at the end and it’s only in the next chapter she thinks that Arya may have gotten away on the galley Ned had arranged for them (Which does not happen thanks to Sansa’s tattling of Ned’s plans and Cersei placing Lannister guards on the galley).

At this point Arya is still trapped in KL trying to get out and it’s only been 3 days since Ned has been arrested. However, as per this person, Sansa is begging them not to torture and kill her and therefore names Arya, who she thinks is already safe in Winterfell, 3 days after the Starks and their men are taken down....

In the OP, I have used the most basic quotes, but in the actual chapter it’s far worse. Sansa is actually still dreaming of marrying beautiful prince Joffrey when she is taken to meet Cersei:

That night Sansa dreamt of Joffrey on the throne, with herself seated beside him in a gown of woven gold. She had a crown on her head, and everyone she had ever known came before her, to bend the knee and say their courtesies.

“Sweet Sansa,” Queen Cersei said, laying a soft hand on her wrist. “Such a beautiful child. I do hope you know how much Joffrey and I love you.”

“You do?” Sansa said, breathless. Littlefinger was forgotten. Her prince loved her. Nothing else mattered. (---)

“She is a sweet thing now, but in ten years, who can say what treasons she may hatch?”

“No,” Sansa said, horrified. “I’m not, I’d never … I wouldn’t betray Joffrey, I love him, I swear it, I do.” (---)

“And yet, I fear that Lord Varys and the Grand Maester have the right of it. The blood will tell. I have only to remember how your sister set her wolf on my son.”

“I’m not like Arya,” Sansa blurted. “She has the traitor’s blood, not me. I’m good, ask Septa Mordane, she’ll tell you, I only want to be Joffrey’s loyal and loving wife.” - Sansa, AGoT

And then at the very end of the chapter:

It was not until later that night, as she was drifting off to sleep, that Sansa realized she had forgotten to ask about her sister. - Sansa, AGoT

So yes, Sansa is scared of not being able to marry Joffrey anymore, frightened of being accused as a traitor like her father and therefore throws out Arya’s name as the traitor - when as far as she knows Arya is in KL and Lannisters could have Arya, the same as her.

Next,

This is the funniest part! - ‘I haven’t read these books in a few years, however, it’s you who is very much lacking reading comprehension’ 😂😂😂

Make it make sense please. And then we are back to the usual Sansa is just a child, she’s 11 goddammit! She’s a teeny tiny baby! It’s totally justified for her to throw her even younger 9 year little sister under the bus as a traitor to be tortured or killed by the likes of Joffrey and Cersei instead of her.

And then finally, the predictable conclusion:

And block! 

Because of course made up headcanons are ‘alternative interpretations’ and if we point out it’s fanfiction then we are being uncivil.

I can only say that I am glad that my side of the fandom don’t engage in this much fanfiction, projections and headcanons. It’s frustrating as a book fan to be told that I lack reading comprehension because I don’t accept their ‘alternative interpretations’ of how Sansa thinks Arya is safe in Winterfell three days after the Lannisters massacred all the Stark men and imprisoned Ned stark. And while Arya herself is still stuck inside KL unable to leave.

At this point I really do think there is no point in engaging with these stans because they are not doing this in good faith. Just block rather than waste time discussing. They seem to think that we need to accept their headcanons as book canon and if we don’t then we are simply anti Sansa posting anti Sansa stuff on the tags. It’s certainly a fascinating fandom aspect of a self insert fan favorite. It’s the reason she wins polls above more complex and well written characters in the books, the popular version of her is entirely about what fans project onto the character rather then actual written version in the books.

#asks

[beneathashadytree]

Hello there I found your blog and was wondering if you still do KnB requests been a bit sad lately with all sorts of different situations. Mostly because of insomnia and depression probably a bit of the jitters if you know what I mean. I would like request comfort headcanons Idk anything easy and convenient for you with the Takao or Midorima (whichever is easier for you to write) mostly cause I want to sleep so maybe I can read them lull their SO to sleep you know that fluffy goodness to help cheer me up. Does that make me weird? Idk. Sincerely Anon.

SOOTHING - MIDORIMA SHINTAROU X READER

Warnings : none I believe, this is set during college, Midorima is a pre-med student, this is not proofread, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : comfort and fluff <3

Word count : 1.2K words (oops hehe)

Additional notes : So sorry for taking so long, nonnie! I’m sure by now you know how things have been for me. I was halfway through this when I realized that you’d asked for headcanons, and by then I was in far too deep to stop🫣 Given how soft I am for Midorima, I decided to choose him! I hope that—despite being so late—this request offers you some semblance of comfort 💗

Requests : Are closed for the time being.

Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp!

Masterlist

A groan came from their right, causing them to still in place and awkwardly twiddle their thumbs around their phone. Though they hoped that they hadn’t woken Shintarou up, they could tell from the stirring that it was too late to lament that.

“It’s not the brightness,” he mumbled, before they could apologize for their phone’s screen. “Just didn’t feel you close.”

“Aha,” they quietly said, knowing that their lover was referring to the way they usually curled into the warmth of his chest and never let go—something that they haven’t done in over a month, maybe. That was something they ought to remedy now.

Really, it was completely out of their hands. After all, they couldn’t even remember the last time they’d gotten a good night’s sleep while cuddling Shintarou. That was partially owed to the fact that he was too much of an early riser to wait up for them in bed, and was almost always found passed out under the covers before the clock struck 10.

The other reason (that also contributed to the former) was that they simply could never fall asleep so easily anymore. No matter how much they tired themself out, how many glasses of warm milk and chamomile tea they had, how many damned sheep they had to count behind closed eyelids, sleep just never came to them. Only when they’d bored themself halfway to death did their body sometimes give up on resisting the urge, and they woke up a disoriented mess a couple of hours later. Needless to say, it was never enough.

Their growing insomnia seemed to drag along with it a whole bunch of other symptoms that made their overall day-to-day life all the more tiring. Constantly feeling weary, they barely trudged through their daily routines and ran on 2-4 hours of sleep a day, if any at all. They couldn’t pull themself to brush their teeth in the morning without a sigh, nor could they shower without feeling their muscles ache from disuse.

And what probably pained them the most? Their tired, tired heart. There was a certain desolation in every chamber; some sort of numbness they just couldn’t fight back. It threatened to choke them every single time they gasped around its cloaked darkness, and struggled to stay afloat under its influence.

God, how they wished that Shintarou was around more often. To their disappointment (that they tried their utmost to shove below the surface), ever since the new college year had started, his time had been split between spending it studying as hard as it took him to maintain his excellent scores, and at strenuous basketball practices—trainings hard enough to have him barely conscious as he walks through the door at night.

It’s not like he was neglectful. If anything, he was just as (to some, surprisingly) wonderful of a boyfriend as he’d always been, but he just seemed far too drained these days to notice much changes in his partner. He’d greet them with an “I’m home,” before helping himself to a belated lunch that they’d prepared for him. He was an awful cook, so he never offered to help out with that, but he did always contribute to the rest of the household chores despite how exhausted he always was.

Really, Shintarou wasn’t just thoughtful in that subconscious way. Though he still struggled with receiving and doling out the affection he felt deep in his heart in direct ways, he made sure to softly kiss them at least once or twice a day, with that subtle quirk of his lips that they happened to love far more than his rather cocky smirk on the court.

As always, he was ever-so-attentive over meals, tired eyes still trained on his sweetheart as he listened to whatever stories they had to tell, pitching in every now and then with his commentary. And when they turned to him with an encouraging sweet smile of their own, he’d be flushing to his ears and haltingly retelling some events of his own, encouraged by the love he knew awaited him.

So really, it wasn’t his fault that they’d suffocated every terrible thought and feeling in front of him, and that they took advantage of his early sleep schedule to hide their insomnia. But they did feel guilty that he had to find out in such an irritating way like this: abruptly woken up by his partner’s phone screen lit up in his face.

Shintarou didn’t bother to wear his glasses, probably knowing that he wouldn’t last long. He never was the type to stay awake during the night, so he simply resigned himself to leaning over, gently taking their phone and setting it on their bedside table. His body was warm against their back, and they couldn’t help but involuntarily lean into him—something he clearly encouraged, as the distance between them became all that much smaller.

Pressed into his chest like that, they could feel something thawing deep inside of them. Something rock-hard melted in the pit of their stomach, and for some reason it felt a little easier to breathe. They couldn’t stop themself from twisting around and facing him, tired eyes meeting his bleary ones.

He cleared his throat twice, before asking, “Can’t sleep?”

After a few seconds of contemplating their options, they decided that there really was no point in hiding it any longer. They nodded. “Yeah. Haven’t been able to sleep since… I think it was the start of the season.”

A crease formed between his eyebrows as he put two and two together. “That’s been more than a month.”

Shrugging, they just opted to wrapping their arms around him and indulging in his warmth. With careful, steady hands, Shintarou began to finger through their hair. It was a little awkward, given how stiff his approach was, but it was endearing nonetheless. If nothing else, they could feel the love at his fingertips.

It was surprisingly soothing, and almost like magic, they could feel the knots in their muscles come undone. “Tell me what you took in class today.”

He gave them a skeptical look. “Are you sure you want to know about something so boring like that?”

“‘S exactly what I need to fall asleep,” they replied, pausing for a second to press a kiss to his sternum above his sweatshirt. “Besides, nothing’s boring when it comes from you. I could honestly listen to you read an IKEA table instruction manual.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” came his muffled reply from above, though they could barely see out of the corner of their eye the faint blue on his cheeks and the half-smile on his face as his hands trailed to their hips. Still, as they knew quite well, he could never refuse any request of theirs.

So, with a resigned sigh and a squeeze to their hips, he pulled them just the tiniest bit closer, close enough so that they could smell his perfume they always said they liked. Already, they could feel their eyelids drooping against their will, driven into a cocoon of comfort and familiar heat that lulled them to an easy sleep in the arms of the man they loved so dearly.

“First class of the day was Chemistry, with an advanced approach to sulfur and its derivatives…”

Taglist: @mrsgiovanna

#imagine #oneshot #anime #fluff #domestic #knb #kuroko’s basketball #kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #midorima shintarou #midorima shintarou x reader #midorima shintarou fluff #midorima shintarou comfort #comfort #midorima #midorima x reader #midorima fluff #midorima comfort #midorima oneshot #midorima shintarou oneshot #generation of miracles #gom #shuutoku #knb midorima #knb midorima shintarou #kuroko no basket midorima #kuroko no basket midorima shintarou

[birchbow]

I’m trying to envision Halore “social interactions are not my strongpoint” Travye navigating drone season - especially immediately after his breakup with Kurloz - and I cannot for the life of me see how it would happen unless there’s a cultural mechanism or tradition of playing drone season matchmaker for socially awkward, anxious, and depressed trolls - like, “sorry your relationship with Makara didn’t work out, but like, since you’re available . . . you wanna partner with my moirail whose matesprit died last sweep?”

Also also, since it is kind of a variant of the fuck-or-die trope, I can see so many troll dramas incorporating drone season as some major plot point. Although, maybe not with too much angst? Since I guess if a movie made you feel sad or angry enough about the whole situation, it would technically be seditious?

This is true, it's not his proudest season. But as with every other challenge he ends up facing, he stoically puts up with it lol. Present day as of PoF I'd imagine he mostly just kind of gets by in flush with somebody he finds tolerably attractive, and manages pitch by way of being very blunt baseline and then also a snarky bitch.

Right after he broke up with Kurloz he presumably was even less happy about it! But "hot, young, strong troll who's transparently broken up about losing somebody they cared about" seems like pretty good pity bait, so I could imagine that he managed to limp along on that until he started to get his feet back under him and got back his classic "Well Giving Up Isn't An Option So Let's Do The Damn Thing" personality lol.

RE: drone season in media, and seditious presentation of it, I've been going back and forth! I made mention real early on of drones and drone season and have never delivered on it because I've been percolating how I want to approach it sociologically, so here are I guess some drone thoughts.

As brutal and wild a system as it is to be like "there are drones that come and demand that you fuck", I am intrigued by the concept that those are just like, a natural part of the troll life-cycle. That the Mother Grub and her drones and the trolls are just all parts of the same species, who like insects can have wildly differing appearances and biological functions! And that in that way, drone season is actually like, outside the empire's control, and tbh super inconvenient for a powerful space-faring empire, since I'm of the assumption that the drones head out to trolls throughout the galaxy and continue to gather genetic material fairly regularly, showing up whenever they show up and triggering every troll in the area to contribute. Which means that like, sometimes the drones show up and if your soldiers don't have mates, they die? That could be real bad for your military!

Ofc it's possible and in fact almost inevitable for it to be politicized, and I'm sure there's some amount of spin RE: when you fuck you fuck for the empire, etc etc. But also if it's not actually the empire's doing, this is just how trolls work as a species (even on Beforus! a fascinating thought) the options for media rep of drone season get wider, I feel like.

If your characters don't want to contribute because "wahh, but contributing slurry to the meat grinder of the war machine BAD" then it wouldn't be acceptable, but it seems like a pretty reasonable point of drama to be like "oh man if I don't fuck I die, that's pretty upsetting" without having to be overtly seditious, as long as the drones are only sort of imperial in nature!

As with most of my xeno headcanons this is ofc subject to change with every different fic I write lol. But those are the thoughts I've been mulling around, at least as they pertain to the question!

#ask time!

[variousqueerthings]

we did watch end of time last night, and I didn't cry, but also it feels like I ought to, but maybe it's that the story isn't technically finished because there's a coda coming up. but also I feel sad anyway

but just to think about the original epilogue that is the five specials, interesting to think about. I do think that "the next doctor" is the messiest of the bunch, but that's par for the course for christmas specials (and still by far not as messy as some later christmas specials...) however, let's be real, I'm here for the character insights, and this episode eases us into the idea that this doctor will not be with us long, mentions a bit about being alone, and then the doctor has a last christmas dinner, after avoiding it since rose

planet of the dead is an alright episode -- fun general plot, am into the creatures it introduces, and I mentioned before that whatever is happening between christina and the doctor is like an anti-romance (and... not by design, I assume, but it fits in with all of my headcanons, so I'm not complaining here). the main thing here, other than cryptic prophecies, is that the doctor has an offer for a new companion here. and he says "no, because I have a bunch of survivor's guilt, PTSD, and depression, and I wish women would stop suddenly kissing me out of the blue, seriously beginning to freak me out, sure hope that doesn't happen in my next regeneration..." (well, okay, he thinks those things)

mainly those two episodes though, give us a bit of good stuff. people clap and tell the doctor what a good job he's doing, you're like "ok maybe he could keep going like this for awhile and things might get bette-"

and then waters of mars, beloved carrier of The Themes, rtd like, "well you've got two slightly silly episodes to start us off, and we've got a double episode that's very rtd-vibes to finish us off, so lets have a middle episode that is so horrifying on several levels, to really balance us off, yes good." (and it is so fucking good). rtd in the behind-the-scenes talked about how they originally had a whole thing about how yuri and mia being a couple, well were they going to have children, and how would that affect the development of humanity if they were meant to be dead and like... yeah. adelaide knew what was up, but they didn't (maybe they suspected -- what's it like, I wonder, knowing you were really really meant to be dead, and you're living a life that is at odds with time itself...) but we don't have time to get into aaaall of that, the important thing is that the doctor is briefly mad with grief and tries it out against heavyweight (checks notes) The Concept Of Time, and sort of loses and is told it's time to die and responds to it by going-

lol nope. at the beginning of the end of time, the doctor avoids dying by doing a last spot of travelling, and acting like he's having a mental health breakdown and that's fine. and then has to rush to face his death, which as it turns out is (not so shockingly) connected to the master, our favourite weirdo, and they do their whole homoerotic thing where the master hurts the doctor in various ways and ties him up and threatens to kill him and destroys humanity (again), par for the course, except for bringing back the timelords + ofc there's a whooole bit where the doctor's PTSD depression comes to the forefront and he admits that he's terrified of regenerating, but also everything sucks and david tennant is a terrific actor and it's fascinating that rtd brought back doctor who in the way that he did, with a relearning of the wonders of the universe, only to rip it all away again

so you know. get fucked ten, but also it makes sense, there's an Arc, there's Cause and Effect, there's mountains of Sadness. POV you're learning about tragic narrative arcs in the whimsical time travel show after having tuned in for 5ish years since you were 10 (kidding, I watched the animated animal farm when I was five and it made me very curious about why it made me feel so bad and then we chased that concept ever since)

I genuinely cannot remember how I emotionally left things with ten back when there was no proposed special episodes going to happen, but I think if there's any doctor that needs a bit of catharsis, it's that one. and hopefully that'll come with a sense of everything that came next to change the doctor's view on Life this time around. or youknow. more pain. maybe a bit of both

in any case, thank you to the first rtd era, it changed my brain chemistry forever and introduced me to the whimsical time travel show and everything was fine

#im rewatching doctor who #dw #doctor who #the doctor #tenth doctor #rtd #david tennant #long post

[angstyaches]

Hi!! I'm the anon who asked about what Shayne and Charlie's tummies/bodies look like and I am so giddy at your answer!! Thank you thank you... it's so sweet how much you've thought about this and the level of detail in your reply was so wonderful.

Here are a few more headcanons I have about these boys... that you can ignore/refute/whatever you'd like haha

- When Charlie's stomach growls, it's pretty loud! The kind that people around him would notice. And he gets embarrassed or flustered about it, but in sort of a good-natured way; it doesn't absolutely humiliate him or anything. Because it's a k!nk thing for him, it's definitely not his favorite thing to have happen in public.

- Shayne's stomach is usually on the quieter side but!! sometimes will be vocal enough that people (read: Charlie) will notice. Shayne would be totally horrified if anyone he's not close to heard it but finds it pretty embarrassing no matter who hears. He doesn't fully understand why Charlie seems to like hearing it, but knowing that he does helps Shayne feel less embarrassed when Charlie does happen to hear.

- cw for body image on this one (mild!). I imagine that Charlie has pretty good body image- maybe has some good days and bad days as everyone does but generally doesn't mind his body/appearance. And I know that Shayne's food hang-ups mostly come from his past and the notion that he shouldn't take up space or need food, and less from a place of bad body image, but I imagine that relationship with food/his body and his proclivity for stomachaches has led to some tough body image days. Especially if his belly is kind of soft at the bottom! Seems like that would be hard for him sometimes!! But Charlie thinking it's super cute helps him a little 🖤

Those are some headcanons for now!! Going to start signing off as 🐊 croc anon:)

Thank you for all of your writing Flick, your stories bring so much joy!

Hey, friend!! Thanks for sticking with me 🖤

You're so right, Charlie's stomach growls really loudly when he's hungry, and he gets flustered about it but in kind of a tongue-in- cheek way.

And it depends on the crowd, but yes, it being a kink thing for Charlie can definitely make it feel a little awkward sometimes!

Your Shayne one is so right too, particularly if we're talking about hunger growls. Not crazy loud, but with the vampires around, it may as well be lol

Although, if he's a combination of starving and stressed/anxious, that's when Shayne's belly will start to really make itself known!

In terms of appearance, I actually always imagine Charlie as being fairly confident! He likes being tall, and he's gotten just enough external reassurance (i.e. girls trying to chat him up before realising he's only into guys) to know that he's got a nice face lol but yeah, occasionally his depression will break through all of that and make him think otherwise.

In my head, since Shayne's body dysmorphia centres on the fact that he has a body with needs, I imagine he doesn't have the space to worry/care much about how it looks, at least in the current part of the story. But yeah, I'm sure he would definitely get insecure about it if he gave it too much thought!! It's something that would come up at some point in the story, for sure.

But honestly, as he starts to come to terms with himself, Shayne always feels better when he sees how much Charlie lights up when he touches his stomach, or how peacefully he sleeps when he uses it as a pillow 🖤 (it's also because of Charlie that Shayne reaches the point where he's comfy wearing crop tops)

#croc anon #🐊 anon #ask #StW Shayne #StW Charlie #Swallow the Worldbuilding #OC stuff #stomach kink #tummy kink #kink mention #body issues mention #body dysmorphia mention

[z-eddsworld]

Your headcanons are a treat-I’d love to hear more sometime

Before I start, I'm gonna give a short TW for the people who need it?

TW: Mentions of Bullying, Memory Loss, and Killing self (unintentional)

• Tom, Edd and Tord (in that order) all became emos in highschool, though its unknown if they were actually sad or just doing it because they liked how "cool!" and "different!" they were compared to other students. Matt however, either not giving a damn about expressing his depression and or just not caring about looking cool just stuck with his button-up and glasses. Around the time of this, I like to think someone attempted to bully Matt ( Matt not giving a damn) and the other three boys thought "oh dude we could be like the three cool kids who protect the nerd!" simultaneously. But then they all got KOed and Matt had to kinda drag them away as the "bullies" kinda awkwardly stand there because they didn't even hit their hardest.

• Matt and Tom were really friends before Matt lost his memory. Tom was the first to notice Matt's memory loss, and afterwards just felt kind of empty about Matt. It's kinda like trying to see the same person when you're really only seeing the shell of your best friend. This in turn makes Tom not want to talk with Matt because "that's not Matt". Overtime he learns to accept this "new Matt" as his friend, but it takes awhile.

• Going off of the headcanon above- Edd was the second to notice. So seeing as Tom decided to go distant, Edd put it up to himself to help Matt relearn things. Edd sort of takes an authoritative role over Matt for a bit, until Matt kinda gets the hang of it (only took a couple weeks). Then at this point, Edd just treats Matt like a friend, weather or not this was the same childhood best friend he used to know.

• I should mention that they both tried to help Matt regain his memories, but Matt was a separate person now, and with neither of them knowing how to use a memory eraser gun, they had to accept that you can't just tell someone how to act and do things just because you want the person who used to be there to be back. It's not fair towards Matt.

• AHAHA ANYWAYS! MATTS FAVORITE ANIMAL IS A BUNNY

• In the "Matt Sucks" episode, instead of somehow killing themselves by the wooden stake gun, they kinda just miss completely. Matt walks out and doesn't get hit once because the machine is bad, and now they're all awkwardly standing there. E: Uh- so you're not like- hungry are you? Because like we just ate T: You guys ate without me? M: You were eating spaghetti and wine watching a movie all by yourself while I had to sit silently next to you licking the tomato sauce off my noodles. I'm starving. T: Aren't we like broke as hell? Did you spend my lunch money on wine, spaghetti and a movie??? E: Ok why don't we like, get you some other blood? Because um.. my blood is probably super sugary and Toms blood is definitely filled with alcohol. T: Please tell me someone got a paycheck this week, I don't want to eat toast for every meal again. M: Well what else am I supposed do? Drink the blood of people whos diet I don't know about? T: I hate you guys. E: well-- no-- T: so much. E: Uhhh I think we left the necronomicon in the storage room T: Why the hell do we even keep the random stuff Tord shoved in our house?! M: Yeah, I'm sure I'll perfectly turn back to human, and definitely not gain any vampire-esque side effects! T: I'm going to my room

• Matt's favorite food is barbeque

• Edd is the main cook in the house, since Matt is banned from the kitchen from overcooking and Tom half the days just didn't feel like cooking when it was his turn to cook. Tord cooks for himself.

Ignore that fact that this was basically Matt-centric umm... I hope you enjoy the headcanons :]

It's not color coordinated this time >.>

#eddsworld #eddsworld headcanons #zeddsasks

[erigold13261]

Do you have neurodivergency HCs for the NSR cast?

Not extensively. Only a few vague ones really. This is gonna be a more messy post with not a lot of organization, so sorry bout that.

I definitely headcanon Papa, Mama, Yinu, 1010, Mayday, and Dodo as some kind of autistic. Though that could go to a lot of the cast actually.

Papa, Eloni, and Dodo are (was in Papa's case) non-verbal. Dodo being fully non-verbal, with Papa and Eloni being selectively mute (Papa being even less verbal than Eloni).

Neon J and Mama have PTSD, Neon from war and Mama from the death of Papa (also a grief disorder, but I see his death being so traumatic that she has similar symptoms to PTSD, especially if she needs to go to a hospital).

I saw a headcanon, or analysis, of Eve once that said she either had Bipolar disorder or BPD (I think it was BPD) so I kinda see her as having that. Maybe autism and trauma as well. She might also have an Avoidant Personality Disorder. So either way I do think she has a personality disorder.

Tila has schizophrenia. Another headcanon I saw someone else had around the start of NSR coming out, which I really liked but just haven't explored more. (Though it is less common for a teenager to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, it is still something that happens. I don't think Tila is fully diagnosed yet, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have it).

Purl is definitely something. Autistic is definitely one of them, but I see them as also having some kind of anger issues or personality disorder, I think some of the Cluster B and C personality disorders fit Purl a lot (like the Antisocial and Dependent Personality Disorders).

Oh yeah, Eloni, Purl, Eve, Remi, and Sofa also have sever anxiety. Honestly the whole Sayu Crew has anxiety. (Just figured out that phobias are a type of anxiety disorder so next paragraph will be that).

Zimelu has claustrophobia (small spaces), Haym has acrophobia (heights), and Rin has a pretty strong fear of bugs (not sure if it is on the same level to say it has entomophobia, but it is really bad at times which only gets worse with Eloni's pinned bug collection). Oh yea, Purl has thalassophobia (fear of the sea, which they hate given they are a navy bot, but the war fucked them up with the sea).

For DJ... I don't know, he does have some sort of superiority complex, but I've seen people analyze them and talk about how selfless they actually are in wanting to make sure humanity is remembered (he was just going to be the avatar for Earth). So like, I don't really know. There is the fandom headcanon that he has Narcissism, which I do think about some times. And honestly I remember someone with Narcissism saying the difference between someone with Narcissism and not is that a Narcissist can't be content, they always need that new fix to make them happy because they literally can't be content with life (at least that is how I am remembering it, I really hope I'm not misremembering and thinking of a different mental disorder), and with that i can see DJ as having Narcissism with the way he also acts in game (though it could literally just be a big ego).

He probably also has autism/sensory issues and depression. Actually, speaking of depression, I can see Mama, Zuke, Neon, Purl and Eloni as having depression. Also Dew to an extent.

Rin also has a really terrible memory. Whether that is because of a mental problem or mechanical one is up for debate, but it really doesn't remember things and sometimes that is a huge stressor for it, especially in relationships. Maybe it's ADHD, specifically the Predominantly Inattentive Presentation one/version (is version the right word to use here? idk).

And speaking of ADHD, I think Mayday, West, Remi, and Haym definitely have some form of ADHD. I can also see Zuke, Sofa, Papa, and Maragold as having some ADHD as well.

Carna is a kleptomaniac, or is at least showing early signs of kleptomania. Thankfully fae hasn't stolen anything outside of the mansion right now because fae hasn't been out much, but 1010 and Neon would have to keep a close eye on faer to make sure they either stop faer or pay for whatever is stolen.

Going back a bit, I think Sofa has an eating disorder, so does Purl (which isn't as impactful as they are a robot, but in human AUs Purl still has an eating disorder which gets really bad in their teens).

Kliff might also have some narcissism going on. Maybe some autism as well. I feel like he has something else going on, but I can't think of anything at the moment.

Oh Neon also had/has an addiction problem or a substance use disorder (he had it and have been sober, but it is still something he struggles with daily). Purl also has a drug problem, and I can see Zuke, West, Mayday, and Eve also having mild substance abuse problems. They would not be seen as fully addicted by societal standards (except maybe Purl, they are an addict definitely).

Tatiana, hmmm... I think she has an attachment disorder, or like a fear of abandonment that she copes with by pushing people away. Maybe a bit of depression too.

Also, though it is less a mental disorder and more signs/symptoms of other disorders, I think Mama, Neon, and Tatiana all have anger issues. Whatever it stems from, i don't know, but they have them.

There's probably more, or these will change at some point. But that's what I have for now. Sorry again for it being messy.

#nsr #no straight roads #eritalks #noart #asks #i like how i said i was gonna be vague #and then give this long of an answer #i do it all the time #lol

[othercat2]

More Writer! Mobei Jun

He has/had two nom de plumes.

--The first is "Young Master of the Swan Cloak." (Note: I don't know Chinese and I am not sure how writer names work except from Airplane's pun-name.) Which would sound romantic except I am using a myth (I don't remember where from!) where swans are psychopomps, and creating a myth where Northern Desert swan-fairies are more like valkyries and if you are given a cloak, you'll be a hero, but you're also very doomed.

Mobei-Jun's early work is very uh. Okay, imagine the most depressed and miserable teenager in the world. A teenager whose misery is compounded by everyone REALLY being out to get him. Imagine the depression-writing a sad miserable teen like that is going to write. Now increase the sad exponentially.

Mobei-Jun tended to write about betrayal and revenge! He wrote about clans being destroyed from within by internal strife. There was very little of what you'd call romance. When there was romance, it was usually followed by a betrayal or the lover dying, sometimes both!

--The second nom de plume started up within a few years of interacting with Shang Qinghua. Mobei-Jun's work started changing! The was more romance! Some of it was even steamy, or as steamy as someone who actually has very little experience with sex can be. (My headcanon is their first and possibly subsequent times were terrible because of a lack of experience and over confidence. Hopefully it was the stupid giggly kind of terrible and not the miserable kind.) The second nom de plume is "Lord of the Steadfast Mountain."

Now, the sort of plots Mobei-Jun was coming up with were action and adventure. The protagonist was surviving more often! There are actual romantic plots! The protagonist finds allies! A recurring character appears, or character type! This character archetype is loyal and wise, though not always very brave, and needs to be protected by the protagonist!

Mobei-Jun writes an arranged marriage story that becomes an epic. Said epic ends up being plagiarized in the the human lands and He is Not Pleased about this. Maybe he sees Shen Qingqiu reading it and he sort of...edges over and looms. And very politely suggests he read the version that's NOT stolen.

Shang Qinghua finds Mobei-Jun's stories and gets completely engrossed in them. He's so diverted he doesn't notice Mobei-Jun standing there, and it's very cute as MBJ asks if SQH likes them, and there's a minor misunderstanding because SQH thinks the books are just by an author MBJ likes. (but it gets straightened out.)

Similar to the Shen Qinqiu situation, only Luo Binghe is a big time fan of the epic-series, and is surprised to find it in MBJ's library. MBJ very huffily informs him that the epic series Luo Binghe loves is the plagiarized version, and they are dumb book nerd friends somehow.

Post canon, there is a book club of sorts. Possibly with demons present? I don't know. Shang Qinghua suggests one of his hubby's books, because he is Just that Proud. (Cultivators are at first surprised that authors are a thing in the demon realm. They are not *quite* a thing, demons are more oral story telling/history than written records.)

#svsss #fic idea #moshang #still not sure I'll write it

[rightpastnowhere]

bayonetta 3 spoilers !!!!!!

okay before i go to bed i'm gonna make a quick post about my feelings because i'm tired of seeing all these shallow n one-sided arguments and stances in the fandom

spoilers for the plot and ending below the cut!!!!!

so i didn't like the ending. without going into the ship discourse (for now) like... i just didn't. it would have been a good ending in the context of any other series, i think, that WASN'T bayonetta. and i'm all for breaking the mold in a series, honest to god, but it just seemed so odd?? the bayonetta games have emotional moments, i won't say otherwise. the bit with jeanne rescuing bayonetta from the eye of jubileus in bayo 1??? that shit got me !!! and the games have themes of grief and accepting loss and all that whatnot.

but also, all of the games have triumphant endings full of action and chaos and punching gods into the sun!!! bayonetta is always shown as one of the strongest characters in the world, and seeing her broken down like this - over and over, with all of the variants, and then again in the end - it just felt disheartening. it kind of outweighed the bittersweet effect of it, and just made me depressed. it felt hopeless, and while that sort of ending works for a lot of series and i know that it's a wonderful tool of storytelling, it just... i don't know, came out of left field. but that's my personal opinion, not a writing critique!! i'm not saying that the ending was good or bad, should or should not have happened, so don't attack me for trying to make some absolute opinion, or say i think i know everything. i don't.

okay now onto the character drama.

i feel a need to preface this by saying that i LOVE luka as a character!! i love him so much!!! he's so silly and goofy and sweet, but genuinely smart!!! he's so caring to baby cereza in bayo 1, and he cares about bayo, and he's a sweetheart. i also have no problems with the bayo/luka ship. i have no issues with bayo being with a guy, i've headcanoned her as bi since the first game.

all that said: i don't like the way they handled it in this game. putting aside the fact that i'm a major bayojeanne shipper - and i am actively putting aside my bitterness, i acknowledge that it's there, but that's just me being a shipper and has no place in this analysis - i don't think it was handled well. to me, it just feels like it came out of nowhere. in the first game, they have some chemistry, sure, but it always kinda feels like just teasing. luka is obviously Down Horrendous for her, despite trying to hate her, and bayonetta kinda leads him along, but it seems to just stick around flirting/lust on both sides. they obviously care about each other - and i love that!! my heart clenched when luka was thrown out of the window, and bayo tried to reach for him - but it seemed to read more as platonic, to me. and in bayonetta 2, if my memory serves me, they don't interact as much? he doesn't seem to be as significant aside from expediting plot? again, it's been a couple years, so forgive me if i'm mistaken. it just seemed like their relationship fell to the wayside

because of that, it just feels so rushed. they go from friends who flirt with each other and may or may not be serious about that flirting to... multiversal soulmates???? what?????? (i don't fully understand that adam and eve stuff but. what.) and they try to hint at it through the game, but they're only on-screen together later in the game??? and the way they talk about each other feels like the beginning of something, instead of the culmination they were obviously going for. it just feels like they pulled this plot out of their asses without using any of the things that had been built up from previous games. i just... honestly it caught me off guard. i was surprised, and not in the normal plot twist way. instead of "oh wow i didn't see that coming!! but looking back i can see the setup!!!" it was "oh wow i didn't see that coming, also what game is this?" DON'T GET ME WRONG it's all cool concepts!!! i love cool star wolf luka's design, i love multiverse shenaniganery, and i love bittersweet endings - but it just feels so wildly different than the previous two games. i don't know.

to be honest, tho, bayonetta settling down with anyone within canon just feels weird. like i wasn’t going into this expecting a bayojeanne confession either. these games have always sort of felt... i don’t know, disconnected? from romance plots? very much “bayonetta doesn’t need a romance, she’s strong and independent, she has her friends and her guns” type vibes. like good for her!!! it just seems very, again, out of left field

and, now's my time to be just a bit petty - jeanne got seriously sidelined in this game. i love her little spy mission, it's so cute and silly and shows how nerdy she can be, but after that, she's just... there. she has some cute scenes with bayo with some banter, and they fight together, but then she gets... killed for a plot twist?? alone??? her last word is "cereza" and we hardly see bayonetta mourning her???? she comes back for a second to help fight and then they barely get to speak together before she's gone again??????? i just. she's one of the strongest witches out there, and got stabbed in the back in a cutscene???? and then she's basically forgotten. whether you ship bayojeanne or not, you have to admit that they're incredibly important to each other. they're the last of their clan, they continuously risk their lives for each other, and they even live together for fuck's sake!! bayo's closest and oldest friend got sidelined with a glossed-over plot-twist death. it feels like such a disservice. and i'm not gonna lie, i was a little upset with how in bayo 2 she hardly gets any screentime after being saved, but also she'd just gotten back from hell, she needed to rest. and she even comes back for the boss fight!!! home girl gets on a jet!!!!! and then we get her in a cut scene at the end!!!!!!! it just feels so unfair to her.

ALSO. ME NOT WANTING BAYO TO END UP WITH LUKA IS NOT BIPHOBIA. I REPEAT. IT'S NOT BIPHOBIA. I AM OKAY WITH BAYONETTA BEING WITH A MAN. I JUST WISH THE WRITING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER!!!!!!

anyway that was NOT short thoughts and i need to go to sleep

edit 11/4: someone pointed out that the arch eve and adam thing wasn’t just bayo and luka, thank you for telling me (i was very confused), but still… what was that?? also??? this whole thing is weird

#oh boy #i've never like............ put an opinion like this on tumblr before #i tried to be honest and fair and not let my knee jerk reactions and opinions about this all interfere #like yes i'm a fan of certain pairings but i can also understand when a pairing i DON'T like isn't given the writing and treatment it deser #***deserves #the gameplay looks fantastic and fun though #and i love bayo's design #anyway!! please don't start any toxic discourse :)) #bayonetta #bayonetta 3

[intrepidradish]

Media: Disco Elysium

Year/my age: 2022-23/32-33

Another long one!

What drew me to the media:

My husband, again, had been trying to get me to play this game for three years, but I'm not a gamer. Games make me stressed out and I'm bad at them. (He tried to get me into Hades, and I entered the first battled screen, and moaned "I have to fight things in this"? ... I did. :C Do not like.) Generally games give me panic attacks, and then when I'm bad at them, I get really sad about it. DE is nice because you don't fight anything. It goes as slow as you want, and even in hot moments there isn't a timer. Thank you DE.

What also drew me to the media was a dildo enthusiast Thongria on instagram loved the game, which as a follower, blew me away. Like hello?? What? How bizarre right?

At some point in the spring of last year a lot of DE fanart started appearing on tumblr too. Ustalabo appeared with her comic, which is incredible. I gave up. I was spending all day oscillating between watching my newborns nap and feeding them, which was in two hour cycles into the night. I was tired. I was really bored. I was really stationary (mostly on the couch) and I was really lonely. (I don't have family where I live, I had no job, and I was new to the state)

So I decided to play a game.

What made me a fan:

How could I not become a fan after the game? It's a really incredible story and its delivery is phenomenal. But ultimately, I think I became a fan because of Harry, the amnesiac cop you possess. On my first playthrough, I was very timid and horrified by the character. I ended up a moralist because of my unwillingness to say anything accusatory or polarizing (hahahahaha! so true to life!). I only drank and did drugs when Kim wasn't around, because his observational judgement made me uncomfortable about my addiction (AAAAAA). I tried to please him too but ultimately failed because of how I organized my skills (I did an empathy run but badly, so badly). It was also deeply cathartic for me as a child of an addict, who struggled throughout my childhood with the question of 'why can't you prioritize loving me over your addiction' and as I am not yet an addict, the game gives you an opportunity to live inside a deeply troubled man and maybe...maybe help him? You aren't entirely sure what the future holds for him.

At the end of the game, I was positive he was still going to detonate. I didn't like Kim/Harry, the default pairing, because I thought that Harry still had so much work to do! One week of forgetting your life doesn't fix you! Having a friend to rely on doesn't either! And Kim has his own host of issues that the game only touches lightly. So many post-game questions!

I've come around on Kim/Harry because I've thought about it a lot. I think in the face of addiction and pain, having a friend really does matter (having the right friend too). Dealing with isolation is a big theme of life (not just DE). No one is perfect either. All relationships are a bit codependent when you are in a depression cycle. That doesn't mean they are bad/good/ideal/not ideal/something to work around/something that shouldn't happen, just tread lightly right?

But also the world of Elysium is fucking incredible. It's enormous. It's got everything you want in a new environment. It's depths are unfathomable. It gives you a framework to both interact with canon, deeply, but also inject some of your own bullshit headcanons like they are the only real opinion to have. Haha it's great. The amount of material behind single sentences in the game, throw-away lines, are enough to fill an world-specific encyclopedia (and there is the skill Encyclopedia too to make it oh so much WORSE).

Have I written fanfiction for it? Why or why not?

FUCK YEAH. I'm sort of taping off now a year later. I wrote so much fucking stuff last year. It really saved my life. I was finishing up some other fanfics too but I wrote about 250K words which is wild.

My most popular story is definitely my longest. Schlep is my masterpiece at the moment. I wanted to explore Kim and Harry's relationship while recognizing they aren't necessarily perfect for each other, but that's okay. Surprisingly, even with all the kink and the unhappy themes, it was smash hit. I really enjoy reading it. That was my second fanfic for the fandom.

Final Flight was first. It has some problems for me, but I think the concept is really fun. The romantic notes were wrong though in retrospect. I was being timid. What is surprising about this fandom too is being timid doesn't win you points being a little unhinged does. Nice. 100%

I wrote a smattering of other shorter stories. Jean/Harry, Jean/Harry/Kim, Harry/Dora, Kim/Harry. I wrote a lesbian story for Dora/Klaasje, which apparently inspired a really good writer to write more lesbians! Thank you!

I think in this period my fav is Cold Front which I wrote while worried that my grandfather was going to commit suicide (he's 96, and my thoughts on it are complicated). I don't often write bittersweet fics, but I think this one hit the notes I wanted.

I also really like The Tide at my Door, which is the Dora/Harry. No one wants to read their train wreck, but I wrote some truly beautiful passages in that one that shock me to this day. Like, hello:

"In the far end of this, whatever time is, whatever this is, you’re going to break each other, but you, a woman, will be the weed in the cracks and he, the man, will be the backed-up gutter. You cannot stop this. This is what happens in gendered society, and even if the sky falls on Revachol, it will take harsher earthquakes to shake that truth."

I started and finished a failed case fic for Jean/Harry's church raid, which I'm only posting now. And I picked up a secret santa that amazingly requested a Western AU. This was in the fall of last year, and both are about 50K words. Insane. Just insane.

Another smash hit, which surprises me, is my Halloween crack fic, Kim's Disco Inferno. I wanted to introduce Kim to the skills, and I wanted it to be a horror theme so its a blend of Silent Hill, Dante's Inferno, and more. It received some amazing fucking fanart from Shower, which got 4K likes on twitter (*giant eyeball emoji*)

It remains a tremendous pleasure interacting with the fandom through fanfiction. Everyone has been very very kind and supportive.

Opinion on the fandom:

I love this fandom! It's basically made of transmen, nonbinary folks, and beautiful lesbians, which is exactly the space I want to be in. It's also made of people interested in discussing leftist politics, the gross (sensual) side of sexuality, and the effects of poverty, addiction, trauma, and disability on people. Sign me up!

I've made some lovely friends who I talk to daily around the world.

Right now the fandom is embroiled in discourse about a lawsuit at Za/um the company that released the game and will eventually, possibly release a second game. It's a very hot topic and people are very impassioned about the issue. We, the fans as outsiders, don't really know much of what is happening outside of press releases and its quite difficult to get a bead on what's going on. People are still hot blooded to point fingers and shout as always.

I'm pretty on the fence about it. My husband bought the game on sale for $10 3 years ago. I haven't dropped a cent on it since and won't until they release (if they do) a second game. Even then I probably wouldn't pay full price because I'm a cheapskate (I'm poor). I also write fanworks for free about it, so I'm very glad the original game exists but that's sort of where my interactions end. It has brought a lot of joy to my life.

I popped into the official discord to say I'm excited about the collage maker for storytelling reasons, and got called a bootlicker (which is hilarious to me since DE made me recognize I like degradation and I'm well known for writing kink porn around boot worship. Peeps gotta come up with a better accusation against my proclivities, sorry bb). That's my contribution to the discourse.

However! I will say of all the fandom discourses I've witnessed, this one is the most justified. Some shit has gone down! It's very poltical. There is money laundering involved! Share holders! The original writers are cast out! Did they get paid? Were they forced out? A guy kicked this whole thing off from a mental institution.

Things I can say for certain is, I don't like that guy, but I don't feel like I have a strong enough understanding of IP law, Estonian millionaires and criminals, or the office politics at Za/um to really know what to make of it. People are definitely throwing themselves on the train tracks about this shit though. I hope everyone gets some time outside touching grass, because it is just a game. A game we love, but ultimately, not super important.

Would I read it again?

Oh yeah. I have such a backlog of stories I need to read from DE.

#my personal take

[cairi-fruit]

Been MIA for a while.

I do still make art, not every day but I do still draw. I really like drawing Chlodine still. Not sure if I'mma keep this as a thing really. It's been getting hard. There is someone in the Uncharted fandom who quite literally traumatised me some years ago, and while I kept posting art and stuff (though I almost quit in 2020), tried to post my headcanons and Sims things. But I randomly stumbled across his person still talking about me, for nearly 4 years. I haven't spoken to this person since I almost quit in 2020, and when I did talk to them that time it's because they were rehashing drama and accusing me of things when I hadn't spoken to them in a year at that point.

It hurts. I know it shouldn't but it does. I know you can't control how other people perceive you, but it's a very difficult thing for me to live with, not make peace with because I can't make peace with it, I can just keep going. I've heard other autists mention this feeling, it feels dirty, and dishonest and threatening and unsafe and you want that closure, I want to try but I know with how this person is, it will just make it worse. Don't try to speculate who I've spoken to here it might be, I've never spoken to them with this account.

I feel tainted. This person ruined writing for me. I haven't written in years, and sometimes I get random panic attacks from Uncharted things especially Chlodine things. And Chlodine is my favourite thing to draw but I get sad doing it sometimes. Along with other life things. Excuse my sentimentality, not only did that person come up again but I've been coming to terms with the fact that I have seasonal depression at the end of the year as well as being on a new temporary hormonal medicine for my PCOS. I'm a bit in my feelings lately.

I think I've given up trying to make art work for me. I'mma just keep it low-key. I won't be opening commissions, collabing or trading or anything of the sort any more. If I do it might be strictly in person, on my personal sources, so completely unconnected to the Cairi-Fruit name and stuff.

Thanks for you guys who love my work. Maybe I'll post more Barbie art because I've been doing more of that lately. Thanks for the support, I've been sharing my art online since I was 12, I'm 20 now. Most of you haven't been around for years with my previous handles but I know a few of you have been and I'm grateful, I am. I just don't think my mental health is worth it.

Again, overly emotional right now so maybe I'll realise I was being dumb and post here and there, I'm not abandoning everything completely for good I'm just gonna.... vibe. Or try to, anyway. Thanks again.

#chlodine #artists on tumblr #actually autistic

[hearth4days]

Everything for mizuki akiyama!!!! 😈😈😈😈

Sexuality

Sapphic

Gender

Amab transfem

Religion

Atheist

Childhood

Shockingly I am going to let them be a happy child. Very close with her mom and her older sister, never knew her dad. Their sister's several years older and taught them how to do makeup and sewing when they came out. Her family's very supportive and pretty close with each other. See I can write not angst

What scares them

Not gonna get into their fear of abandonment cuz that's every single event they have /hj. They really hate heights. Like, cannot stand up, feel dizzy hate heights

Music preferences

Listens to a lot of anime OSTs in her free time, outside of that she prefers slower nostalgic-feeling music?? I know what I mean but in sysnesthesia-speak, pale rose/dusty blue songs. They need to listen to the song they're editing for while they work on it though so they don't lose the vibe of the song

Quirk

Very sensitive tongue. They never eat their food any hotter than lukewarm. It disturbs many

Sleeping habits

Awful. Takes up to 3 naps a day. Doesn't go to bed until 4 in the morning. It's the depression

Disability

BPD, body dysmorphia

Love language

Gift giving. Very big on making dumb shit for people. Also likes quality time

Friendship headcanon

She avoids it like the plague. Lots less scary to ignore that you have no friends than to always stress about them maybe leaving

Angsty headcanon (tw suicide)

Kind of suspicious that they went to "sit around" alone on the roof. Rui was secretly the only suicide prevention they had. Like "okay well if Rui's not here guess I can jump". It's giving My R

Family

Sort of already did this one. They threw a coming out party. There was crying /pos

Hobbies

The most self indulgent video edits. Any time they're bored they just whip out a bunch of clips that look nice and slap it over the song they're looping that week

Side note hi this is Mizuki. Would you like to see a dumb video I edited I still find it really funny. No one else does

Clothes

They take it as a personal failure if they wear anything they did not adjust in some way. She got very sewing and fashion and have since redone basically their whole wardrobe to be as Gender as possible

Fighting/violence

They kind of pussy out of fighting most of the time since they're sort of used to being bullied. But if you talk shit about any of her friends consider yourself dead. An, Rui, and Akito especially since she has a special attachment to them and they go to school together

Desires/wishes

Really wants to learn how to write music, but Kanade always starts new projects before they have the chance to ask and they feel bad asking her to do any more work than she already does

What they're best at

Naturally good at photography

Food

Very fond of sweets. She keeps tiny chocolates at her desk to eat while she works

What they lie about

Again ignoring the gender shit because that's all sega wants to talk about. They love bullshitting people about what they do when they're not at school. She just lays in bed but she will make shit up

Romantic

Never dated anybody

Appearance

They do the fake freckles on their makeup. But white. For the drip yk

Anger

Doesn't get angry very easily, but she's a little scary when she is mad. In a rabid racoon kind of way. Will use teeth

Animal-related

Likes cats, but mostly for the aesthetic. Their favorite is sea turtles

Worst thing they've done

Probably just standard-fare lying to her mom about breaking something. Generally well-behaved outside of basically being a highschool dropout

Worst thing that happened to them

For sure the transphobia. Middle school is hell

Random headcanon

Huge photo-in-locket truther

#hearth's mantle breakdowns #gamer hours

[pirates-and-posies]

Ask and you shall receive! Lemme explain some reasonings- also this is going to get long so I'll put it under a cut!

Thank you for the asks anon, @sisididis, and @helian-skies! 💙

For 🇵🇹:

He didn't get enough screen time and I am mad about it, same applies to many characters!! But him especially!! Give me MORE PORT!! I quite enjoy his design a lot because more characters need long hair.. but I also need Hima to draw him with his fucking hair down please it's all I ask!!! But also his design is weird (mostly in the anime) because they twinked him up. Hima make up ur mind you drew this man so fucking beefy put more meet on him!! I would marry him if he was real no balls (if he's human.. nationverse is complicated and I would be terrified of an immortal hottie ok)

For 🇪🇸:

He's so fucking stoopid I love him but also I legit don't know how to feel about him yk? Like,, I've been in this fandom for years and he's basically been my fave for so long, but at the end of the day I cannot describe him crystal clear. He's strange and I want more content from Hima of him, tho he has more content than some characters I still wish for more in-depth stuff! Mooore!! I'd marry him if I could but also nationverse strikes again.

For both:

They're extremely complex characters in my mind, not only just from what we know in canon but also from peer and personal interpretation! I think these two can easily be made morally grey, and that's extremely important when exploring their history. Like I don't think they're awful individuals, but fiction is an endless space and people tend to have their own fun. I make them assholes here and little shits there, but I don't think they're downright evil. Humans are complex, and Nationverse is the last situation I would consider them NOT be difficult to pin down. Antonio is mentioned to be two-faced, which is something I enjoy exploring a lot because there is no way with his history his happiness and obliviousness isn't some sort of coping mechanism he chooses to use rather than a natural thing. Also, my views on these two are not superior to anybody else's btw I just thought it would be funny to put that since I do deal with my own interp the most! Other people's interps are so fucking good okay (I am looking at you two!!)

But at the same time, I also hate the majority of fanon's interp over the years. Making Port some weirdo with a victim complex confuses me a lot looking at how absolutely stubborn this poor fucker is in my mind, but I do believe he would have depression issues and some form of imposter syndrome. But he's not weak and he doesn't see himself as a poor sod, he can acknowledge in some situations he's helpless and in others he can solve them. Older nations are stubborn and hate asking for help, I don't doubt he hates it lmao. But yeah kinda over the whole "poor Port" thing he can be a dick when the situation calls for it! This can apply to Antonio too, he's not a pathetic little shit either but they both have their moments obviously

And with Spain.. don't get me started on him. Please. I know his obliviousness is canon, but obliviousness doesn't equate to stupid and they make him so ignorant like there's just no way in hell. I know he may not read social situations well, but he sure as fuck knows how to read people (all except Port from what I'm seeing haha but that's a different situation). Spanish people are relatively blunt, but he wouldn't say something so awfully rude it would hurt somebody unless he intended it to lol. And he seems like the kind of person to be extremely smart with the things he enjoys! Canon kinda supports that as well, but it's a very recent development with the trivia thing being a new strip reveal but hshdjc you get my point hopefully!

Also the idea that they're related gets on my nerves sometimes because over 3/4ths of the people I've seen headcanon that get ignorant with it (as in, they culture blend and don't actually differentiate between Spanish and Portuguese people and are SUPER disrespectful! Also the name Carriedo doesn't exist in Portuguese at least be a little bit accurate if ur giving them the same names lol) Those who do it and aren't wild with it tho? I adore seeing all dynamics between the two. Go ham! Just be more kind and try not to make Spanish and Portuguese people out to be a monolith and also listen to them pls they would know a thing or two!!

On a more personal note, the they're literally me thing is a complete joke because I have hazel green eyes and brown hair lmfao. Depending on when I cut my hair I can make myself resemble them relatively easy with the exception of glasses because I'm blind as fuck hahaha. I also project onto them a lot because I project on all of my characters. I make them both Bi and mentally complex in some sort of way!! They're both impulsive and stubborn like me, and Antonio in my heart has ADHD to the max. Port has my weird affinity with the sea and the color blue while Antonio my obsession with fire and the color red. Just little things, they're obviously not me in the slightest but I give them elements of myself because I am controlling them in a fictional environment, and because it helps me cope knowing they can be liked and have similarities with me (I have,, unfortunate self esteem issues lmao) so yeah I just really adore them and I also replicate their characters as well. I will be honest in saying I project more on Antonio than Port tho hdhrjf- If I'm kind like Antonio and calm like Port, maybe I'll be liked more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just like them, I am a complex individual as well. We all are, humans are fucking nuts and it's fun to think about- also as you can see I'm mentally ill as fuck about them so not much explanation needed there LMAOO

Sorry for the long rant but I was really happy to have answered this!! Thank you for the asks dears 💙💙💙

#Sincerely sorry if it @s you all multiple times 😭 #I just want it to fucking woRk aa #Feel free to comment on my ideas n share your own!! Asks are always open and I like friendly discussions!! #I fear this hitting the main tags but I need to stay organized #So if any onlookers are from the tags also feel free to add ur thoughts but be nice about it pls n ty 😭 #aph spain #aph portugal #hetalia #personal #ask game

[kallistcs]

GET  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN.

what made you pick up the muse you have? For my main three - Ganymede was where it started. I just randomly in mid 2019 got to think about Ganymede's myth and that I like Zeus/Ganymede so I started reading Greek myth text sources and at the same time started RPing him. (Not on Tumblr, however.) Paris came about ~two years later, not connected to having read the Iliad (which I did the year before), but rather because I saw an ask reply/art made for that ask reply about Menelaus/Paris and suddenly my brain was hijacked. :') Adonis would be the last I picked up among my main muses. Something probably got me thinking about Persephone and Adonis and how perfect/cute it'd be as merely familial and since I love familial relationships, here we are.

is there anything you don’t like to write? AUs of powered/magical/etc characters that are entirely mundane/humans. Boring to me - if I'm playing a character that is "more" than human in some way, that's how I want them to be! Horror isn't my thing either, and angst, while I do like it, needs to be carefully balanced. (Too much/dark/relentless and it becomes tiring and just depressing to me.) Character-specific; I really am not going to play along if a thread with Paris has the other character dislike him for no clear reason or make him into a punching bag/blame him unduly. Yeah, he Did Some Things, but things I see around tends to a lot of the times have people and characters blame him in ways that puts him as uniquely responsible or blameworthy, etc and I'm not here for that.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? Family relationships! (There is a reason Luke & Vader is one of my favourite things ever and I latched on so hard to a purely mother and son interpretation for Persephone and Adonis.) Ships too lol, but within those, aside from the usual fluff and being ride or die for each other and a little bit of angst - protectiveness and possessiveness. Power dynamics, and I do love d/s flavour for ships a lot (not all, sometimes that just doesn't make sense, but. Yeah.)

how do you come up with your headcanons? Usually while thinking about characterization and relationship connections. Events in a character's life, etc, and extrapolate from there, either because of vibes or that it makes sense. For Greek myth characters, however, some headcanons come straight from having read some scrap of lyric or such that said something and I just went "yeah sure lol that sounds excellent". Which is specifically how/why some of Adonis' favourite foodstuff is cucumbers (from a fragmentary poem of Praxilla).

do you write in silence or listen to music? Silence. All my writing is done that way, because with music/too much noise in general I can't think. Creatively or otherwise.

do you plan your replies or wing them? Hmm... partially plan them? I read a reply that I'm going to respond to several times and sort of mentally map out what I'm going to do with it before I start putting it into words. Things can change from there, of course (depending on if I feel I'm getting too wordy or what's being said need to be broken off earlier because it'd be too much to respond to in a single reply), but I do usually have a... vague scaffold? to work from.

do you enjoy shipping? If shipping = romantic ships only; absolutely, but not to the exclusion of family relationships, which is some of my favourite things to play out. Parental or siblings! Those type of relationships can be at least just as important as romantic ones and may RP-wise be what I am more focused on, depending on the character! But I'm also a ship-hound for certain characters or just a character and my OTP for them...

what’s your alias / name? Unni!

zodiac sign? Scorpio, though I'm not very fond of it lol :v wish I had something more... nicer? Talking just looks-wise. A scorpion isn't very fun lol

birthday? Middle of November!

favorite color? Purple. Any shade of purple, but I like the bluer ones a little more.

favorite song? Hmm... I don't think I have one, really, but I'm rather fond of I Lived By One Republic.

last movie you watched? Ok lol it was Stockholm Bloodbath, historical action movie set around/about the events of... well, the Stockholm bloodbath.

last show you watched? I don't really watch shows so none (unless we should go back real far).

last song you listened to? I was skimming through a character playlist yesterday, so - No One Mourns the Wicked, from the Wicked musical, as that was the last song on the playlist.

favorite food? Chicken legs in some manner/chicken in general. I just love chicken ok. xD Otherwise pancakes (not American ones)!

favorite season? Late spring/early summer. Summer if I should settle on just one instead of picking transitions between/middles of two haha.

do you have a tumblr best friend? Nnnot really? (':

tagging: anyone who feels like doing this!