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seikilos-stele · 9 months

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At one time, I was a prolific writer, now I’m a busy commentator who flings an idea now and then when people seek me out. The one thing that did not change in either role was that I could not work on more than two projects at the same time -possibly three-otherwise, they would begin to influence each other. Perhaps I have a limited attention span.

Today, I opened my in-box to no less then ten of your potential projects, and at least four WIP.

That was today. In actuality, I believe that you have about seven WIP that have been active in the last ten days. I want to know a few things about both the ability and the methodology for managing this many projects.

First, I want to note that while all the WIP & finished projects are of the same Fandom, essentially, that is all they have in common. We have potential TV episodes, AU, OC, Angst, Hope, Illness and so forth. No easy bridges for immediate crossovers.

So what is the trick?

Do you keep each fic logged into your head so that you can pick them up at any moment? Do keep the detailed outlines close at hand, so you can review before you begin?

I can imagine that working on one fic my possibly inspire ideas for another WIP, or do all others remain outside your scope when actively writing? Do you ever conflate multiple WIP (bleed characteristics from one fic to another)

Do the 5X a character did this or that always begin as a group concept, or have you ever looked at prompts a say, “Hey! These ideas all share a them” and decide to combine them.

Finally, one of my absolute favorite collections of yours was the NighThrawn fics. At some point you broke them up up. Were they created originally to be a related collection?

I hope I’m not distracting the creative machine, too much!

Ooh!! No worries, I'm not doing anything creative at the moment 😆 I'm annoying my brother by practicing Louis Armstrong songs over his silent films. (Ain't Misbehavin'....fits really well with Sangue Bleu...somehow).

Um, let's see. I'd say that some days a fic really gets you. The long one I just wrote on Sunday, the 18K oneshot about a political prisoner coming home from the war and making friends with an "enemy" kid -- that's the sort of idea that comes at the right time, when you're in just the right mood, and you can breeze through it in just a few hours. It's like the stars align and everything goes perfect.

But most of the time I just really want to write and I like to have a full stable of ideas to choose from. Like, it's easier if you can just pull up a list, scan through it, and pick one. You can write 1K, and then when you get sick of it, you can pick a different idea and keep going. Spit out another 1K, switch ideas, do another...

I don't keep them logged in my head, I 100% forget all about them as soon as I switch to a different fic 💀 The only reason I get anything done is because Google Docs always suggests your most recent documents to you when you open it up in the morning. As soon as it stops suggesting a doc I basically forget about it forever. I definitely need the outlines to refresh my memory, and I've sometimes had to stop working on fics because I wrote my outline down in two different spots and can't find it or remember where I was going. Very bad memory for that stuff.

Hmm, as for conflating multiple WIPs, or ideas bleeding over, definitely yeah. Sometimes a seed will be planted in WIP 1, develop a little in WIP 2, get more interesting in WIP 3, and then become fully realized in WIP 4. To go back to the political prisoner fic, you've seen how that works. It's like:

What if this character was a political prisoner, and he got rescued, and then later he moved back to his hometown and met--

Oh shit BUT WHAT IF that traumatic incident I mentioned in Chapter 2 actually also involved Character B!

OOH and then what if Character A and B were both rescued by C--

Wait a second back to Idea 1, what if B and his wife were there at the end, and they--

OOH WAIT I really want to write that idea with the kid, back in his hometown, let me just--

Hey hang on a second I could totally finish Idea 1

And why have I never addressed A's abandonment issues? I'll mention that right now, in Fic #1, but I really need to add it to Idea #4 and write that as its own oneshot...

And for now, 6/7 are written, so that's not a bad record. I hope to do the last one soon. It was the same with Thrawn fics, you'd be halfway through a oneshot with a set plot when you suddenly think of a cool touch that you'd love to explore more, so you finish that fic and immediately start another one, where you go really in-depth. Or you think, "I would love it if this horrible whumpy trauma happened, but I really can't justify it with this plot. I should construct a whole DIFFERENT plot so I can write this scene!"

Hmm. I don't think I've actually done a 5 Times fic that started out as separate ficlets. I wish I did that more. It would work better. Usually, I come up with the 5 Times title and then wrack my brains trying to contrive six entirely different scenarios that are still interesting to read.

For the NightThrawn fics -- well, I got really into Thrawn/Pellaeon, but I didn't feel totally at ease with their voices and personalities. So I had a word generator spit out 30 prompts for me, and I wrote one quick and easy Thrawn/Pellaeon fic per day for a whole month. A little while later I realized how few NightThrawn fics there were, and it really upset me because NightThrawn was THE pairing for me after reading Thrawn 2017. I was totally flabbergasted that people shipped him with Eli! So I applied the same treatment, I grabbed a list of 15 random words and started writing. 15, not 30, because I had to prioritize a collab with NadiaYar. (Well, I mean, I love writing with Nadia. Any collab with her takes priority over whatever random time-waster I'm fiddling with for fun XD)

I think I originally posted them as separate ficlets -- then changed my mind and re-uploaded them as a single multichapter collection. And changed my mind again, and re-uploaded them all as separate ficlets XD Back then, too, I was always juggling WIPs. I remember the 30-day Prawn ficlets were coming out at the same time as Signal Lost // Contact Regained, so every day I was writing about 1K for Prawn and then racing to SLCR to complete my daily chapter and maintain my posting schedule. That got really frantic toward the end. I had a good head start but I ended up taking a month or two off SLCR entirely before I regained interest and wrote the ending.

OK I think that's all XD Thanks for asking, I'm really glad to see the Asker's Studio is back. It was a really bright moment for the Thrawn fandom imo and you made a lot of fic writers happy with questions like this. Your brand of insightful commentary and questioning isn't common in fandom these days -- and I'm sure it was NEVER "common", but even less so now, as fandom becomes more mainstream. So thanks again, and I can't wait to see who else you asked, and read their answers.

#my asks

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x-authorship-x · 1 year

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Hihi 😃👋🏾

Air: What’s the easiest part of writing for you?

Rock: How do you deal with writer’s block?

Hi, gaymergal! ☺️

Air: what's the easiest part of writing for you?

Hmm planning a fic, because all it takes is a spark of an idea and then the whole thing spirals very very quickly and often grows a chapter outline almost immediately after. As for the actual writing process, it's binge-typing the first draft because I don't have to think, I just have to have a daydream of the scene and then I just describe it as best as I can, following fluid thought tangents and skipping parts I don't have the words for yet. I can knock out about 5-12K a day at this stage if the mood is right - it's very very messy but it's there and that's what matters!

Rock: How do you deal with writers block?

Hm so my block usually tries to creep in between chapters that I know are necessary but I'm not super enjoying writing. To beat writers block before it can fully kick in, I can normally rollover from finishing one chapter to writing the next by a simple but effective process:

1) as soon as the chapter is 'finished', i open up my master/plan doc and rewrite the bulletpoint plan for that chapter as a summary of main events and details instead. Any new information about characters or places gets updated in my self-made info lists too (makes it so much easier to control-F search facts, especially in huge multi-series fics)

2) i immediately edit the next chapter bulletpoint to flow from the previous chapter better; sometimes it's a complete change that effects more chapters or the whole plotline and sometimes it's barely anything.

3) i immediately set up and format the new chapter, copying in the (revised) bulletpoint plan and separating it out into sections

4) i trick myself into starting to binge write the main text! By splitting the bulletpoint into sections, a big chapter becomes bite size so it's easier to think 'ill do this bit' and then follow it with 'may as well do the next one too' and, before you know it, you're at the bottom.

5) When the first draft is done, I swap to my phone to edit using my predictive keyboard and the chapters roll over like that!

For writers block that comes from a break from fic writing and then getting back into an 'old' or 'abandoned' story... I focus on remembering what made me happy about it, what i was so excited to get to and write and post. When I stop writing, it's usually because I'm too busy IRL, my interest jumps to another thing, or... I get burnt out. To draw myself back, once I have the time and space (and we should all take as long as we want or need, fanfic is supposed to be fun so, writers, please don't torture yourself with guilt!) I end up looking over comments left by readers and my favourite unwritten scenes. If I'm overwhelmed by a project, then it's vital that I relearn how to take it step by step (finish this scene first, then this chapter, this plot device, this arc.. this fic, then move to the next part, etc etc)... Basically, remember to be gentle with yourself, keep that spark of excitement alive, and don't be above tricking yourself into binge writing lmao!

Thanks for playing! ✨

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maydayparkers · 2 years

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The interesting thing to me when it comes to Raimi!Doc Ock being turned into a generic fandom baby is that THAT version of Doc Ock is ALREADY a lot nicer and less flawed (minus the hubris) than the comics version (which is fine), or even most adaptations, including the Insomniac game where he is comparatively more sympathetic than usual, and NWH smoothed him out even further by going even harder on the 'tentacle AI made him evil' thing while removing the arrogance that shouldn't have been easily fixed by a 'cure' - so it's like, how much more flattened and woobified can fandom even make him?! Fandom!Otto is basically a cardboard cut out to project the same generic fandom tropes onto, and he's not even interesting.

Note: This specific gripe i'm about to bring up has less to do with the fandom treatment of these characters as much as the mcu's use of them but

I really do find it so telling that you can seriously pinpoint the difference in willingness to deliver character depth of an mcu spider-man movie compared to previous adaptations just from the way that the villains are treated.

Yes, nwh acted as much needed course correction for the franchise but i'd argue that their use of villains has only been going down in quality since hoco and it took a massive dive in nwh.

They got characters that came PRE-LAYERED and PRE-DEVELOPED INTO COMPLEX PEOPLE and made the choice to frame their actions as being entirely out of their control, they weren't themselves. It doesn't count that they committed atrocities willingly and with their eyes open.

It was the poor abusive war profiteer that was the victim of the big bad goblin that materialized out of nowhere and is not at all a representation of norman's worst traits and impulses. It's not like Otto Octavius was an already sympathetic villain and a grieving man desperate to make his wife's death have meant something more than a fiery failure of an experiment and tentacles that had a mind of their own yet still kept Otto's ability to know right and wrong intact.

No, no it's a problem with a clean and clear cut solution that can be done within a day. There is no mess left behind in the aftermath besides the destruction that the Bad Sides(tm) left behind. We don't have to wonder about the moral implications. If the world would be better if they weren't here and if that even matters because people's lives' are not Peter's to take even when they will still continue to cause so much pain for others. All wrapped in a pretty and shiny boy for the consumer to enjoy and not question.

Yes, with Norman and Otto there was always an element of an Other within them taking the reign and pushing them into the darkness but it was never a matter of being puppeteered the way nwh showed. I'd go so far as to argue that to take that away would not only flatten them both down but it retroactively undermines any agency they might've had throughout their initial appearances and kind of turns them into the "batman beats the mentally ill" of spider-man.

Now back onto your actual (correct) point the fact that fandom itself went a step further and quite literally tuned him into just some guy devoid of any notable characteristics, the tentacles aren't even portrayed as something noteworthy about him which is actually really interesting, considering that would imply that the interest in him comes from his actual personality but as you stated above, it's just a caricature of a generic fandom blorbo. IN A LOT OF THE CONTENT YOU COULD SWITCH HIM FOR JUST ANY TUMBLR FAVE OF THE WEEK AND IT WOULD WORK JUST THE SAME FOR ALL INTENT AND PURPOSES

#also i'm not knowledgable enough about the topic but the gobling being a separate personality altogether instead of a persona feels kind of #disrespectful for people with actual DID?#not a fan of a major blockbuster playing into the evil personality trope #but again i am a dumbass so if i'm talking out of my ass here do let me know and i'll delete it

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198d · 1 year

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...

So, working on a project and one aspect of it is making a really simple scientific poster. I'm the design guy, I do the front nd design since I'm the only person who knows basic html and css, the only person who has taken art and design classes, and I do this stuff for fun so I go ahead and take charge of the poster. Plus they really just don't have the intuition for design at all, even when I or the professors give clear instructions on How To Do Things Right. We have to make tons of drafts and get feedback on them, and its kind of a dripfeed because staff would make comments on some things, neglect to comment on the other things, and make us turn in another draft based on those missed comments.

Every single fucking time my teammates would work on it, I would have to go back and fix allllllll of the margins and padding they neglected, and I would have to remake every image of a diagram into a simplified, vectorized. Every time we had to change text or images based on the feedback, I would have to go back and change those as well. Today, while I was working on this, one of my teammates was literally trying to edit the same thing at the same time (using figma and diagrams.net). I was going to lose my mind because I was just trying to fix all of the issues, like I had to do multiple times, that my teammates would neglect from the feedback, and so this was actively happening while I was trying to fix them.

I had everything in their own groups, so that it would be easy to change things out. My teammates didn't know how to work with that. Earlier teammate literally did not understand that a file cannot have two different file extensions, and sent me a rasterized image of a diagram instead of the actual editable file, because diagrams.net just lets you have an "editable (so like, able to move around the individual elements) png" saved to your google docs, exported it as a plain png and posted it in the project chat. When I couldn't open it they then tried to tell me like, well it worked for me and well it has the other extension too so it should work. It was only the filename that had the 'extension' of the proper file format. (this is the big csc senior class btw)

The fact that we went back and forth so much on that diagram to begin with was frustrating because they could've given me access to the editable file at any time, and would constantly ignore or forget feedback which meant having to fix it many, many more times, and most of those fixes were still missing the core design feedback like 'make the text size bigger' and 'eliminate unnecessary whitespace'. If anything, it would've been much better if I went through with porting it to figma instead of relying on them, but I'm over here not wanting to be a total control freak so I'm like... whatever.

So when I get access to that diagram I fix issues from all of the feedback, but at the end of our final feedback they go and try to edit at the same fucking time as I am editing, and I had been fixing the diagram all day up to that point. Then the same thing happened on the figma document, and of course they deleted my group for the section the diagram was supposed to go in, so I had to make it again, fix the margins, fix the padding, fix the sizing.

They also completely trashed my design for a page I worked on for the project itself like waay earlier in the semester, so I was like. Okay. You guys do your thing, I can put in all my junk later. I would like to avoid wasting my time as much as possible, considering how mentally ill and exhausted I already am.

oh yeah and also the examples the professors put in the powerpoint for posters had the same (margins and spacing or text inconsistencies, bad looking screenshots, that kind of thing) or worse issues (think black impact font on a busy patterned background, for fucks sake) that they kept nitpicking us for, so its kinda like. please actually showcase something that's relevant thanks.

At least it's finally(?) over.

#born in hearts etched in cold

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the-banished-mind · 2 years

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08/20/22 - 4:01PM

i guess i may as well make a post christening this latest ill-fated project of mine. i feel like hey, journaling might help my mental health but my stupid hands are too weak to write long with a pen and i have a lot of shit i wanna say to get out of my brain. and then i get the bright idea of creating a journal online that i can type in instead, but using tumblr so i can post photos, instead of using a google doc.

ill-fated because i’m 90% sure i’ve already tried this. i have a personal blog so why do i need another? just write on there, right? but what if someone i need to vent about finds it because they’re following me? oh the horror.

so i have this thing instead. spent over a day trying to customise it for literally no reason because again, i’m prolly gonna give up after like, a week. every time i create a blog i end up vanishing from it because SessionBox doesn’t work and i can’t have multiple accounts open at once, so you log into one and then the others are out of sight out of mind.

but whatever. i might as well use it while i have it. um...

i dunno why but i’ve been even more in the dumps than usual lately. i think because the slew of distractions i’ve created for myself while i recover from top surgery are beginning to lose steam, as well as the fact i’m getting closer and closer to having to go back to work which i’m definitely not looking forward to, really.

so that results in my brain going on a downspiral. i miss ziggy. i miss zoya. i’m pissed off at the government, pissed off at corporations, pissed off at myself. i feel hopeless about the future and don’t see much of a point in it, and if i think too much about it, it starts to make me panicky...

[taking a step away to do other stuff, will finish this later.]

[back to work on it a bit longer before i go outside; currently it’s 1:09PM on 8/21/22]

but yeah. i hate thinking about the future because one, i don’t see much of one for me, and two, ‘the future’ means ‘losing more loved ones’ and ‘things changing’ and i hate all of that. i dont want to think of or prepare for loved ones passing away or leaving me, any more than i want to focus too long on losing zoya. i keep thinking that i’m dealing with her passing away super well, but then i realise no, i’m not, what i’m doing is frantically distracting myself in any way possible so that i don’t have to think about it.

because if you don’t think about something or ignore something’s existence, then it didn’t happen/isn’t happening, right? because that’s how the world works.

except it doesn’t, and i KNOW that i’m setting myself up for an even worse breakdown when inevitably, my brain can’t continue distracting itself properly, and everything i’ve been burying down in the “If I Ignore It It Doesn’t Exist” area caves in. it’ll be so much worse because i’m not actually confronting and learning to cope with or at least go through all the worst fallout with so many issues.

i think what pisses me off most is that i’m AWARE of this. i KNOW i’m setting myself up for a bigger mess than it needs to be, and yet i can’t seem to figure out how to allow myself to deal with it the way i should.

and all of that just culminates in me refusing to think about the future, for many of the same reasons, outside of a near-constant black cloud of dread that i’m wasting my life, and even if i have a chance of making something of myself, i’m not taking the steps to and as such am just fucking myself over.

i want to at least TRY to be an actor, try to get into film and television and maybe writing on the side. i want to move to vancouver, canada, both because it’s not the US and because if i move there i’ll be closer to both more film/television opportunities and the actors i hope to maybe someday be friends with. i want to find a job that i can at least stomach AND make enough money to survive on without wanting to kill myself or have a mental breakdown every other day over. i want to learn how to do so many things.

but when i even think about all the steps it’ll take to get to any of those conclusions, i start to balk.

[going outside, i’ll come back later]

[4:09PM, 8/21/22, back again]

like. let’s go into it here for starters, and acknowledge that this is probably only half of the list of things i’ll need to do.

so for me to get into acting, i have a list of shit i have to get done first. i need to either get to a point with my body where i am okay with it OR learn to kick my insecurities; i need to stop being afraid of getting stage fright; i need to stop letting myself hold myself back because of dumb shit like “I’m too old now” or “what if I’m not actually good at it”. after all the mental gymnastics is settled, I most likely have to go take theatre classes or acting classes, or at the very least find a good “beginners’ place” to start putting my feet back into the water. then if i’m specifically focusing on television/film, i’m gonna need some sort of an actor’s reel, so i’ll have to find things - probably voice acting work or student films - nearby i can do some work with. then i have to start an actor’s reel. then i have to figure out how to find auditions for things, and then make sure i’m at a point where i can afford/manage to get a hold of whatever i need to find auditions, and THEN i most likely will have an easier time getting auditions if i hire an agent - which means i have to figuer out that process, then find an agent i jive with, THEN set all that up.

writing is a less strenuous aspect in that i don’t have as many steps i need to take for that, but it’s still an ordeal simply because writing in my state is an ordeal. no matter how excited i get over an idea or how determined i am to sit down and write on a regular basis, i can’t seem to get anything to stick for long. so i need to figure out how to one, get a routine together that works for whatever place in life i’m at at the time, and two, get over the mental roadblock of feeling like i’m a shitty writer or stressing too much about whether it’s ‘good’, and then three, work on my mental health to at least a point where i can actually FOLLOW said routine without just giving up due to depression fog, fatigue, ADHD distraction, or whatever else. THEN i have to actually plot out, outline, write, edit, and rewrite an actual work. THEN i have the process, most likely, of sending out query letters, searching for a publisher, advertising it once it actually (if it actually) gets accepted, and then probably even more advertising and whatever else publishing requires.

[sigh. i’m leaving AGAIN. i’ll be back.]

[back again probably for the last time. 7:25PM, 8/21/22]

now the moving thing. i don’t even know how to BEGIN going about that. so i guess to start with i need to find someone who can walk me through the steps, or find resources some place that are easy enough for me to understand, and then start whatever that undoubtedly lengthy process is. i’m almost certainly going to need to go back to school; either to start off by getting a student’s visa or whatever OR to try and get qualified for a job Canada will see as ‘useful’ because they only allow people to immigrate if they have some sort of job that would be beneficial to the country from what i hear. so on paper yeah, that looks like two steps, but they’re two broad steps with dozens of little ones and a whole lot of stress and commitment under the surface. and there’s no promise i even WOULD manage to get to live there. maybe they wouldn’t accept me. also, i’m not sure how i’ll handle being away from my mom that long. one reason i’m hoping for vancouver is because it’s still a decent distance away from Seattle, i could drive down for visits as often as i was able, but like... still.

also i’ll have to figure out a job that will let me earn enough to have my own place up there too. god only knows if the acting/television/film would work out - and befriending actors i’m hoping to get to know is even more of a slim chance.

finding a job that both lets me earn enough money to survive AND is tolerable almost seems impossible. i don’t even know how to go about doing that. i’ve been trying for years. i thought [redacted] would be a good option but management is unbearable there. i know management sucks everywhere but i swear to god it’s even more unbearable where i’m at. and i’m still not getting a living wage.

it seems like the only chance i have of getting a job i can both handle and survive on is most likely either a job that requires a bachelor’s degree - which is its own struggle - or like... somehow lucking out as an intern and then employee at some office building or big ole corporation. or i have to learn a new skill like IT. or i have to somehow get my body to a point where physical jobs are an option. all things that are again, seemingly one step but have a billion smaller steps underneath. and it’s part of why i’m so full of hopelessness for the future - if i can’t even find a job that i can work at without breaking down AND make enough money to live in even a place with roommates, then where the fuck will i end up eventually?

then all the learning stuff... i wanna learn how to play guitar, how to draw, how to skateboard, how to sing, how to (properly) act and do filmmaking, and learn to dance - how will i ever find time and energy enough for all of that when i can barely manage to scrape up enough energy and time to work a part time job that doesn’t pay enough?

and even beside all that, there’s so much i want to do in general; so many books i want to read, games i want to play, films and shows i want to watch, music i want to listen to - i want to go out to parties, and actually make friends, and i want to explore cities and the woods and go horseback riding and learn to ride/buy a motorbike and go bar-hopping and go to concerts and the theatre and to coffeeshops. there’s so much i want to do and so many places i want to go and how will i ever be able to afford any of it, much less find time and energy to do it? i want to so badly but i don’t know how.

i don’t know. you can see why i’m feelnig so hopeless, i’d imagine, my friend. and i hate it. i wanna be excited for my future but when it looks like my future holds nothing at all, it’s difficult to find the ability to be.

i’m done with this entry, it’s taken far too long and IS far too long. i’ll come back soon probably.

mikey out

#journal entry 1

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pastelcolouredskies · 3 years

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hey guys is it normal to be constantly confused and lack focus/get a lot of focus so much so you forget that time is a thing and you’ve somehow time-traveled from 11:00 am to 1:00 pm and people get mad at you for doing a thing wrong or doing a thing slowly because you’re confused or doing a thing in a weirder way or is everyone not like that?

#i think im just lazy?#like #kinda #maybe #because like ill open docs to do a project #stare at it #not know what to do #look at the instructions #then the lesson again #then forget i was supposed to do something #then do a thing related to it but not it itself #???#ah #e

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wolveria · 2 years

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Quick & Dirty Writing Advice

Just a few things I’ve picked up and learned from other authors:

Write what you want to read. Writing what you think will be popular will never be as satisfying, and it’s impossible to predict what will be popular anyway.

Writer’s block is a self-fulfilling prophecy. There are reasons that you’re “blocked” from writing, such as mental health, exhaustion, lack of time, etc., but writer’s block itself doesn’t exist. You don’t wait around for inspiration (and published authors certainly can’t, being on deadlines). You can dip into your well of motivation and inspiration by reading other books, watching movies/shows, talking about your projects, and rereading your own writing. But waiting around for your muse takes the control out of your hands. Writing is active, not passive. If you’re lacking motivation, write anyway, and the act itself may inspire you.

Burn out is a real thing. I’ve gone for months without writing because that’s what I needed to do. It didn’t make me any less of a writer, and it won’t make you less of one either.

Using the word “said” is great! It’s preferred 90% of the time! It’s one of those words that the reader skims over without noticing, which smooths the flow of your writing. When you add a different dialogue tag to every piece of dialogue (such as explained, argued, protested, agreed, etc), it slows down your writing and distracts from what’s actually being spoken. Use dialogue tags sparingly, and you’ll make a bigger impact when you use them.

Learn to stop leaning on filter words. Words like “feel” “noticed” “saw” “heard.” These words put distance between your audience and what the character is experiencing.

Example: “I felt his hand on mine.”

Can be changed to: “His hand touched mine.”

Example: “I smelled freshly brewed coffee coming from the kitchen.”

Can be changed to: “The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted from the kitchen, filling the air with its enticing scent.”

Want to write more? Then write! If you write consistently and with regularity, whether it be every day or every weekend, you get into the habit of writing. Put on ambient sounds, grab a snack, make a cup of tea, and do that every time. Your mind starts to associate those things with writing time and puts you in the mindset before you even open that doc.

Do not edit your WIP! Get that first draft written without going back to edit. I’m serious, don’t edit a thing until you’re at a point where you’re ready to post. Only then go back and edit, otherwise your writing momentum will grind to a halt. If you need to read back a couple paragraphs to get your bearings, then go for it, but I promise you you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor by leaving editing to the very end.

First drafts aren’t supposed to be pretty or even coherent. Their only purpose is to get words on the page. Let them be a mess. That’s what the editing stage is for, to clean everything up, add new scenes, delete redundant ones, whatever makes the story better. Besides, once you start writing more, the less editing you’ll need to do as your skills improve.

And for my last bullet point, similar to the dialogue tag advice, don’t overuse your adverbs. You don’t need to describe every action with an adverb. When you use them less, they make a bigger impact. There are other ways to describe your character’s action.

Example: “He spoke quietly.”

Can be changed to: “He dipped his head, casting a glance around the room as he spoke.”

I am guilty of adverb abuse and breaking a few of these rules myself, but once you learn the rules, you can gauge when and how to break them for the sake of elevating your writing.

This advice is meant to be practical, as it’s coming from someone who works over 40 hours a week and is often distracted by exhaustion and chronic illness. My time and energy is limited, but I find writing to be very worthwhile.

For more writing advice, I suggest Alexa Donne’s youtube channel. She started writing with fanfiction, so a lot of her information is applicable to fanfic authors too.

#writing #writing advice #fanfiction #author #quick i say as i'm once again long winded #there's so much more i could go over but i think that's the most useful for every writer #at least they were the most useful to me

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spacejammie-eimmajecaps · 2 years

Note

You gotta share your writing process, you get things out so quick, I have a hard time just with the first draft

I never leave my apartment and I write all day without eating or drinking or doing anything else, so that's how it goes so quick.

Haha jk (kind of). The only upside of chronic illness is lots of free time. That's probably why writing goes so fast for me. There's nothing else for me to do all day.

Uhhhhhhmmmm but on a serious note, do you want a long and detailed explanation? Let's go with that (idk how to he concise)

So, for a fic like the one I'm working on right now, my first step is to make an outline. Generally speaking, this can be as vague or detailed as you prefer. And there's a few different ways to do it.

Outline option 1: use a poster board (or just a sheet of paper) and make a bunch of bubbles, write the main goal of each chapter in the bubbles

(Visual aid :D)

Outline option 2: make a numerical list with what you want to happen in each chapter (just the "main thing" is fine, or you can add more detail. But leaving it vague makes it easier to adjust as needed when writing the first draft. Trying to follow the outline too closely can feel restrictive for me at times. Its good to have a plan, but it's also good to let the story flow naturally while drafting it. Don't be afraid to veer off course)

(Visual aid :D)

After the outline is done, it's time to move on to characterization! I will show two examples (one that is the template I now use, and one example from my 20k word outline I wrote last summer for a jurassic park au that I may never get around to writing, because its going to take a very long time to do it, maybe an entire year. And ugh to that.). Ideally, characterization should be done for each character, even the minor ones. Just helps visualize the world and all that.

(Here is the general template, I usually put name and age above appearance)

(Here is an example from my jurassic park au outline, though it's not quite consistent with how I do it now, and it needs to be revised anyway)

Once the characterization is done for each character, I like to break the outline down into bite-sized pieces. What I mean by that is I copy whatever I've written for each chapter and paste it into a word document. One chapter per document. I really candle handle having an entire work in one document—that overwhelms me (the only exception is when the work is just one chapter. One doc per chapter is how I like to write). If I break it into chapters, and just focus on one chapter at a time, it feels much more manageable. I keep all of the word docs open in one window, going in order. Make sure to put the chapter number and whatever you're referring to the fic as in the title.

(Visual aid :D)

Now, if you appreciate having visual aids and have an idea of what settings you'll be using, that will be the next step. You can draw the layout of buildings, you can make maps of a town, etc.

(Here are some examples from my current project. Please ignore my messy handwriting. I was planning in making it easier to read if I was going to share it, but oh well)

(Examples from past project)

(The draft world map for my jurassic park au. Some of my siblings were staying at my apartment when I was working on this last summer, and they gave me so much shit for it haha) (and yes this is a huge presentation board lmfao the folding cardboard kind)

Now, you may find that you don't know the setting that well yet before you start writing. And that's totally fine. If you are drafting and find you need a visual aid to keep track of the scene, you can always stop to make one at that time.

I'm losing track of stuff here, and I've got an appointment with my new cardiologist in 30 minutes, so I need to wrap this up.

Let's see.... make the outline, characterization, visual aids... ah, right!

Okay, so next you should make a playlist (that is, if you like to listen to music for inspiration in between or during your drafting process). For me, I like to find at least 10 songs to start with for a fic that's as long as the one I'm currently doing (35 chapters). But right now, my playlist is at 64 songs for this fic. Not all of them actually fit the vibe, so I'd say I am only listening to about 30 of them. (Generally speaking, I listen to songs while driving, or while cleaning etc. That's when I find it easiest to imagine scenes while listening to music).

Outline, characterization, visual aids, music.

At this point, the drafting process can begin! I find it's best to write as much as possible in one sitting and really go with the flow. And if possible, don't go back over the chapters you've already drafted unless you get completely stuck. (I do find that it's best to go back over them every 8-10 chapters, but that's only cause I have a bad memory. I need to remind myself of what I've already written).

If you get stuck while drafting, another thing you can do is leave your missing parts in brackets. For example:

[More dialogue here]

[Change X to Y]

[Somehow, they get from that place to this place]

Doing that let's you keep going with the flow of writing without stopping to worry about details. Something that's important to remember: the first draft should be vague and messy. It's just for getting the idea out.

If you're too caught up on the first draft being "readable" or "good", then it'll really slow you down. There may be awkward dialogue, almost no setting or body language, plot holes, etc. That's fine. You can fix all of that during later drafts.

If you want to know more about drafting, I can explain it in another ask. Just let me know.

After the first draft is done, there's a couple different options.

Option 1: finish each chapter one by one, posting each as you finish. This can be a bit easier (especially with adhd) because you get dopamine from any comments and you have that weight of the expectations of others to make you keep writing. For me, these are motivational factors. For others, it might be stressful.

Option 2: do an entire second draft (and third and even fourth), where you're adding more setting and details etc. Then start posting it when you're done. I'd prefer to do it this way, but it can be hard to do so much of a project without posting any of it. I do think that doing this helps catch plot holes though.

For each chapter, whether posting one at a time or finishing the whole fic first, I generally do first draft (very vague), second draft (add setting, details), third draft (more setting, body language, inner dialogue for the character etc), fourth draft (mainly focusing on dialogue to make it more natural).

Then, before posting each one, I try to read the dialogue out loud, and I also like to listen to the whole thing with text-to-speech while doing a final read through. This helps me catch minor mistakes (my brain fixes many typos automatically, so hearing everything out loud helps me catch what I would have otherwise missed. Also I tend to skim when reading, even when I'm trying to focus really hard. So listening to it while I read helps with that)

Shiiiiiiit I've only got 15 minutes until my appointment. Uh, sorry about any typos or things that don't make sense in this reply, there's no time to go back through it. Please feel free to ask for more details about any of the things I mentioned, or about anything I didn't mention that you're curious about.

#hope this helps!#writing advice

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rolandtowen · 3 years

Text

three times Zuko comes into the Jasmine Dragon coffee shop, and one time Sokka leaves with him. Set in the Neurodiverse Zukka AU, but can read as a standalone.

*banging pots and pans together* "Come over here and get yall Neurodiverse Zukka!"

Read it on Ao3 or under the cut!

TW: discussions of skin picking and implied child abuse

When Sokka pulls into the parking lot of the Jasmine Dragon, he is unsurprisingly the first car there. Being a freshman in town means getting the worst pick of shifts at local businesses. Sokka was hired on to work the opening shift, which means he wakes up at the ungodly hour of 5am to open the shop before the first round of sleep-deprived college students comes in. The pay isn't bad, Mr. Iroh is an incredibly fair man,

The bell on the door jingles on his way in, and he flips several light switches on, watching as the coffee shop slowly comes to life. He busies himself with getting the beans for the day grinding, pulling his first shot and dialing in the expresso. When he takes a sip, the espresso is spot on for the day, which is a relief. Having to make adjustments as customers start filing in is a nightmare.

Today's brew is floral and citrusy, so he decides to make himself and iced lavender latte - with oat milk, of course, because he's gotta do it for the gays - and he spends the next 20 minutes setting out pastries and fiddling with the display cases, making everything look perfect.

At 6am sharp, Sokka unlocks the front door and flips their sign to open, before retreating behind the bar to nurse his latte. Not even five minutes later, the door bell jingles, and Sokka sees a flash of dark hair, face obscured by a pile of textbooks and binders. The figure runs into one table, and then another, and Sokka is rushing out from behind the counter. He gets there just before textbooks go toppling everywhere, his hands taking a firm hold of the top bundle. As he pulls the books into his arms, he sees the face behind them.

Breathtaking golden eyes.

And.. a massive burn scar.

"Hi!" Sokka says, "I'm the barista on shift today - my name's Sokka." He would reach his hand for the other man to shake, but for the stack of textbooks in them.

Golden Eyes smiles.

"I'm Zuko, Zuko Sozin," he says, setting his remaining textbooks on the table by his side. Sokka follows suit.

"Hey, I think I've seen you before - are you taking Piandao's Intro to Biology class?"

"Uh, yeah - yeah! You sit a few rows in front of me." Zuko laughs. "Your doodles are uh, something alright."

Sokka knocks him good-naturedly on the shoulder. "I gotta keep my hands busy for my brain to focus." He looks down at the stack of books on the table. "What on earth are you studying, to have that many books?"

"Uh, Biology and Chemistry double-major, Pre-Med track." Sokka's eyes widen. "It's really not that much! I got a bunch of stuff out of the way with AP credits."

Sokka raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, it is a lot - but I'm really passionate about it. I want to be a doctor."

"Well, Dr. Sozin, what can I get started for you today?"

"Can I get a iced matcha, with a lot of honey?"

Sokka raises his other eyebrow. "A doctor with a sweet tooth?"

"Kind of?"

"Don't worry, I won't rat you out to your dentist. An iced matcha with extra honey?" Zuko nods and Sokka smiles. "You got it, doc."

ii.

Sokka falls into a routine at the Jasmine Dragon. He opens the shop every morning, and every morning of the fall semester so far, Zuko Sozin comes in at precisely 6:05am. Zuko will order an iced matcha with honey, and sits at a table by the window with his laptop and at least two textbooks open at all times. Then, at 11:50am - Sokka guess he has a class that starts at noon - Zuko leaves the shop, always making sure to throw his spare change into Sokka's tip jar.

He's so beautiful.

On a slow day, Sokka comes out from behind the safety of the counter and works up the courage to ask Zuko if he can study with him. Zuko looks shocked at first, but his lips quirk up in a smile as he gestures for Sokka to sit in the chair across from him, moving his textbooks to make room for Sokka's one book and laptop.

"What are you studying, Sokka?" Zuko appears to be genuinely interested.

"Oh, uh, social work, with a concentration in mental health." Sokka waits for Zuko to laugh at him. It never comes. He looks up at him over their laptops.

"That's really cool."

"You think so?"

"Yeah! I mean, some pre-med majors can be really pretentious, really dismissive of mental illness, but um - not me. I don't really have that luxury." Zuko laughs, as though at a joke with himself. "What's the Intro to Biology for, then?"

"Not all of us got our common core out of the way with AP credits, like some nerd I know." Zuko smiles at that, and looks back down at his laptop screen.

Sokka pulls his keys from his pocket and starts fidgeting with the stim toy he keeps on his keychain as he reads through his latest assignment for his Mental Illness and Society class. He bought it on Etsy, relieved to find a neurodivergent-owned shop after scrolling through a lot of stores that just seemed to be hopping on the 'trend' of selling fidget toys. He flips to the next page in his textbook, popping the buttons back and forth in a steady rhythm. He remembers Zuko's sitting across from him and stops abruptly.

"Is this annoying? Do you want me to stop?"

Zuko just cocks his head. "Why would I get a say in what you do? It's kind of your shop, right?"

"Um, to be polite?" Sokka laughs. "And you would be surprised how many customers I get who think they get to tell me what to do." His eyes settle on the half drunk latte in front of him. "It's not really my shop either, I just work the early morning shifts so Mr. Iroh can sleep in. If you ever get to stay past noon sometime, you'll see him come in. You can't miss him, short guy, talks in riddles. He's older, a war vet I think - I just get that impression from some of the stories he tells me. But anyway, did you want me to stop fidgeting?" Sokka looks back up to meet those golden eyes.

Zuko glitches for a second. "Oh! No, no, go for it - if it helps you to study, I'm all for it."

Sokka smiles, and looking at the way Zuko keeps picking at his cuticles gives him an idea. He digs into his backpack and pulls out another stim toy, an acupressure ring. ""Do you want to try this instead of maiming your hands?"

Zuko hesitantly holds out a hand and Sokka drops it into his palm. "You don't have to."

Sokka scoffs. "I know I don't have to - I want to. Come on, I wear it on my thumb sometimes -" and suddenly he's taking Zuko's hands into his and getting very close to Zuko's face. Zuko can smell espresso on his clothes and Sokka's hands are so warm against his. Calloused, sure, but warm. He holds Zuko's right hand gently, pressing the spiky ring onto his thumb. "And you can rub it back and forth with your pointer finger and it gives you that kind of prickly sensation that you get from skin picking, just without the skin picking." Sokka pulls his hands away and Zuko immediately misses them. "Give it a shot, tell me what you think."

Zuko tentatively rolls the ring over his thumb. Huh. The cute barista's right, the acupressure gives him that same prickly, scratchy feeling that picking at his nails and cuticles does. "Wow," he says, "I think you've converted me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Then keep it, I've got a thousand more where that came from, ADHD perks."

Zuko instinctively opens his mouth to protest but the words die in his throat.

"You, you have ADHD?" He stops rolling the ring across his thumb.

"Yup." Sokka's lips popped on the 'p', and he turned to the next page in his textbook. "And I'm pretty sure you've got some spicy stuff happening your brain, too. But you don't have to tell me."

"How are you so open about it?"

Sokka's hand stills around the fidget. "My parents never treated me like I was deficient in any way - my brain just works differently, which means I have trouble with some 'normal' stuff. But I also strengths in areas that others don't have naturally. Accommodations aren't anything to be ashamed of."

"Sounds nice." All of the levity drops out of Zuko's voice.

Sokka levels a look at Zuko. He lets his eyes flit to the right side of Zuko's face and the scar there. He's seen it so many times, and the burns look so concentrated, almost... intentional. His stomach churns at the thought. The scar's old... and Zuko's at college now, he has to be safe - he has to be.

"Like I said, you don't have to tell me." Sokka's hand starts to fidget with the buttons again. "But I have it on good authority that I am a good listener."

"I'll... I'll keep that in mind." Zuko looks down at his hands, fingers rolling the ring back and forth against his thumb. "Thank you."

"Anytime, doc."

iii.

Somehow, fumbling through their collective social awkwardness, they manage to swap numbers.

At the end of the fall semester, Sokka texts Zuko for the first time.

S: hey, im gonna be a few minutes later. don't worry, im still coming.

Z: okay. thank you.

When Sokka finally pulls into the parking lot fifteen minutes late, he sees Zuko waiting outside the door, sitting on a bench, head buried in one of his chemistry textbooks.

"Hey," he puts his keys in the door. "You can just come in while I open, it won't take too long."

Zuko follows him inside, and he closes the door against the chill.

"You didn't have to text me," Zuko says, like it's a question.

"I wanted to," Sokka starts flipping on light switches. "I know you've got your routine, and I didn't want to stress you out when it got messed up."

"Why would that matter to you?"

"Um, I don't want you to be stressed? I kind of care about you."

"You... you care about me?" Zuko stands in the middle of the coffee shop, unmoving.

Sokka smiles. "Yeah, I think I do."

"Why?"

"I think we could be friends?"

"Oh." Zuko's face falls for a second - what Sokka has come to understand is his 'processing' face - and he looks back up a second later. "I think we could be friends too."

"Friendship with a barista has great perks, you know." Sokka laughs as he starts up the grinder. "Although the perks of a social worker friend aren't too bad either."

"How's that going? With your first semester ending?" Zuko sits on a stool at the bar and watches Sokka putter around behind it.

"Well, I'm going to pass Intro to Biology, not for lack of trying on Piandao's part - I swear he's trying to weed out all the humanities kids. It isn't even a weed out course!" He polishes an espresso glass furiously. "How are you doing?"

Zuko chokes. "Oh, I'm - I'm fine, you know it's a hard class and all -"

"You're getting an A, aren't you?" Sokka squints at him from behind a bag of coffee beans. "Curve breaker," he scoffs.

"Hey, it's not my fault that I'm, what did you call it? A 'burnt-out gifted kid with people pleasing tendencies'." Zuko crosses his arms and huffs at the memory of that conversation. Sokka had read him like a picture book. And it was not fair for one person to be that good at emotions.

"You are correct, I did indeed call you that." Sokka pulls the first shot of the morning. "And it looks like I was right."

"You know what you said the other week, about being a good listener?"

"Sure do," Sokka takes a sip of the espresso, swishing it around in his mouth before spitting it out. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, if we're going to be... friends, I just think you'd want to know that - I'm autistic." Zuko stares at Sokka searching his face for any cues about what the next words out of his mouth will be, waiting for the facade of friendship to drop. He furiously rolls the acupressure ring up and down his thumb.

"Okay, that's great!"

"...what."

Zuko's hands freeze and he squeezes the ring against his skin, feeling the pressure increase.

"That's great, I'm glad you felt safe enough to tell me that. I kind of guessed your parents weren't as accommodating as mine?"

Zuko laughs something sour. "No, no they were not." He looks up in surprise as Sokka puts an iced matcha, extra honey, in front of him. "You're right though, I do feel safe here. I feel safe with you." Zuko looks down at the acupressure ring on his thumb, softening his grip. "You could have totally ignored me, but you didn't. Or you could've been mean about my quirks - but you weren't. Why?"

"Well, for starters, you tip well." Sokka smiles and leans across the counter, bracketing Zuko's elbows in with his own. "But you're also a really great guy - you're passionate, you want to make people's lives better, and you're also like, really beautiful."

Zuko feels his cheeks flush. "You really think that?" His fingers still against the fidget again, but he doesn't feel the need to press it into his skin. He's captivated by Sokka's words. Surely, Sokka couldn't actually mean -

"Oh, yeah. Every bit." Sokka brushes his hand against one of Zuko's, the one with the fidget ring. "Can I hold your hand?"

"Yes, please, yes." After weeks, Sokka's hand is back in his, and Zuko thinks he's going to implode. "Can, can you hold both of my hands? With both of your hands?"

"Of course," Sokka's positively beaming, grabbing Zuko's hands and running his thumbs across his knuckles. "Now you're absolutely allowed to say no to my next question, and there are no hard feelings."

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Fuck yes."

The iced matcha is forgotten.

+ i

Sokka's feet hurt like hell. Mr. Iroh had called in him to work a double on Friday, and since he doesn't have any classes on Fridays, he foolishly agreed.

It won't seem so foolish once you see the paycheck, he reminds himself. He and Zuko have a deal. Zuko pays for his medical school with his job shelving books at the University library, and Sokka pays for their tiny apartment by caffeinating all of the other broke college kids in town. By some miracle, they seem to be able to make it work. Zuko graduated into the medical college a year early, which helps with tuition costs, and of course his brilliant boyfriend got all kinds of scholarships.

Sokka is indescribably proud of him.

The door bell jangles just as Sokka is wiping the crumbs off the last cafe table. "Hey, we're starting to close up for the night, so it'd better be a to-go order," he calls over his shoulder.

"Even for me?"

"Zuko!" Sokka drops his cloth immediately and spins around, pulling Zuko into a hug. Zuko taps the small of his back when he's ready to let go, and Sokka lets him go, beaming. "You came to visit me at work?"

"More like I picked up your favorite soup dumplings from Haru's across the street and thought we could walk home together?" Zuko shrugs, gesturing to the brown paper bag in his arms. "How's that sound to you?"

"Baby, that's just what I needed today." Sokka picks up his cleaning supplies. "Okay, I just need to put all of this away and then we can lock up and go home, how's that?"

"Great," Zuko smiles at him. "I may have also picked up some more Doctor Who DVDs from the library," he smirks.

"Oh, you trickster!" Sokka yells from the kitchen, before appearing again. "You used my one weakness, pork soup dumplings, against me in order to get your nerdy way."

"Oh, big talk coming from the guy who watches astronomy documentaries for fun," Zuko laughs as Sokka leads him out of the shop, switching off the lights and locking the door behind him. "If it were up to you, we'd be watching Cosmos all weekend, and I can only take so much of Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining the peculiarities of the moon."

"Hey, the moon is cool!"

"You are correct, the moon is very cool. It's freezing, because it's a rock. In space. With no atmosphere. Or life." Zuko deadpans, earning a light punch on the shoulder from Sokka.

"Fine, you get Doctor Who tonight, but Saturday is going to be all PBS Nova, baby. Brace yourself." Sokka takes Zuko's free hand into his as they start the walk home.

"Well, as long as you're there, I'm happy."

Notes:

fidgets in this work were inspired by those from shop StimBox

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mamahersh · 3 years

Text

The Road to Hell (is Paved with Good Intentions) Chapter 7

“Season 8 was well underway, and the server’s first conflict is bubbling just under the surface. But BDoubleO can’t worry about that right now because he has an Etho to find so they can work on the Horse Course together. However when Xisuma calls a surprise server meeting on behalf of EvilXisuma, BDubs gets his answers about where Etho’s been in the worst way possible.”

(CW: angst, mild torture)

Chapter rating: T

Nice long conclusion chapter to make up for the short one yesterday! From BDubs view, plus nHo hurt/comfort (emphasis on comfort)!

As in all the previous chapter posts, if you’ve enjoyed the ride I took direct inspiration from this oneshot on AO3! Please give them some love and appreciation.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

It had taken days before Xisuma figured out what EX had done to the server that had caused the respawns to break in the way that it had, and how to fix it. However, figure it out and fix the problem he did, and with respawn mechanics back to normal, everyone who had died and respawned during the glitch was able to reset their health completely. And properly set their respawn points as well, since part of the glitch seemed to be that people’s respawns were being set as they were dying. But the biggest adjustment in the days after EX had caused havoc was trying to help Etho recover.

While Etho seemed relatively ok once he was able to talk again (his tongue and all his other lingering injuries were fully healed with the fixing of the respawn, though figuring out a way to get him to respawn was both more difficult and less difficult than BDubs had expected); BDubs was hearing from Iskall that all was still not right with the world. Normally, Hermits would let current season basemates/regional allies/faction mates do the heavy lifting of any emotional or mental stress that a particular Hermit experienced on the daily unless the Hermit asked for help from specific Hermits. But in this case, BDubs felt he should invite Etho to an nHo reunion/get-together. Even if Etho didn’t necessarily need the reunion, BDubs knew the rest of the nHo did.

They had all been in various states of hysterics by the time they had gotten Etho out of the restraints and the death loop he had been locked in. BDubs had been the first person to breach the room, with Iskall and Beef right behind him. Beef had blocked up the water to stop the cycle as Iskall and a recently arrived Cleo began breaking restraints while BDubs clutched Etho’s freed hand (thinking back, he probably shouldn’t have. Etho’s hands had looked hardly better than the rest of his mangled flesh. He also wasn’t sure how they managed to get his wrists detached from the cuffs, as his arms and wrists were still solidly clipping into the restraints). Hypno had fiddled with the camera and looked over the speakers, before he managed to get everything deactivated and convinced the remaining Hermits to gather at Cleo and Joe’s base. By the time the Hermits were assembled at Joe and Cleo’s base, and Etho had been safely transported from the floating box, Doc was a hissing mess, Beef was greener than normal as his stress seemed to activate the alien transition, and BDubs had resorted to constantly checking his clock (a nervous habit he had picked up from 3rd Life, but the less he thought about that hell server the better). Etho had been quickly whisked away by Iskall to their shared base, but was just as quickly relocated to the Spawn Egg; as neither had wings, and Etho wasn’t nearly healthy enough to try and scale his own base in the sky. Plus, being at the Spawn Egg had the added benefit of easy access by the rest of the server so that other Hermits could stop by and check in on Etho’s progress while they all waited for Xisuma to fix the respawn mechanics. BDubs stopped by once while Etho was recovering. It was a little out of his way when trying to visit the Yes Wings Club, but figured he might as well since he hadn’t seen Etho since they had saved him 2 days before.

Etho looked about what he had expected to be honest. Since they were worried about whether a normal respawn would register his tongue being gone as normal if they healed it properly with potions, the other Hermits had determined to wait on healing him till after he had properly respawned. That left him bedridden till the server was fixed though, which no one was happy with. BDubs was told later that supposedly Etho had understood during the few times he was lucid enough to listen to someone during that time. While he had been there though, Etho had been solidly asleep, Iskall asleep himself by Etho’s bedside. BDubs had taken a moment anyway to sit on Etho’s other side and just quietly talk to him about what he had been up to in the day or two since they had saved him. Iskall had come to briefly to see who had been talking, before settling back into his chair to rest.

BDubs had left pretty quickly, if he were being honest. Seeing Etho as vulnerable as he was left BDubs feeling a bit ill. After that, it had only been a day or two more of anxiously waiting for Xisuma to fix the server before they had been able to get the other Hermits respawned properly. (There had been several deaths during the time the respawns had been on the fritz, including a couple during the search from fall damage.) But when it came to Etho, they had tried to explain what needed to happen during one of the next times he was awake, but he had been becoming more unresponsive the longer he had been bedbound. So with heavy hearts, it had been decided that Etho needed to respawn as soon as they could decide a way to do so. After much debate between Iskall and Xisuma, it was decided that a quick anvil to the head would suffice.

It was told to BDubs later that Etho had respawned a few paces from the bed he had been sleeping in at Spawn looking incredibly confused and lost. It took close to a half hour to explain what had happened to him before him and Iskall went back to their shared base. And if Iskall was to be believed, it sounded like Etho hadn’t slept since the first night back. Which was almost a week ago. Not that many of the other Hermits were doing better. From the sounds of the grapevine, Mumbo still blamed himself for what had happened to Etho, and despite apologizing and promising Etho a cut of all his profits that season to make up for his decision (which he had been told Etho had forgiven Mumbo for and told Mumbo to keep the profits as he was just respecting Etho’s choice) he insisted on trying to find ways to make it up to an increasingly exasperated Etho. (Which BDubs noted was somewhat out of character, since Etho almost never missed a chance to keep someone in his debt and exploit them for his own projects). Other than Mumbo, Doc had been reported also to not have been sleeping as much, but instead he worked on his most recent engineering marvel. Beef had been throwing himself almost entirely into setting up his own shop outside the Derpcoin market to sell his own brand of non-evil cat food. BDubs knew that Beef was taking the whole: “Derpcoin is actually evil not even a meme” thing incredibly hard, since his whole thing this season had been going over to the dark-side as an alien (which BDubs still didn’t understand how that had started in the first place). BDubs himself was doing just fine thank you very much! Sure, he’d been struggling with sleeping at night himself (every time he closed his eyes he could see Etho strapped to that chair and drowning again), and yeah, he’d been trying to work on the shopping district by the mountain instead of the Horse Course (he had heard from Iskall that Etho had been working on something outside the base, and BDubs had a sneaking suspicion he knew at least one of the projects Etho’d been working on). But he definitely wasn’t nearly as bad as the other members of the old nHo. Definitely. He couldn’t lie to himself, they were all having a bad time.

So, as BDubs was wont to do, he took things into his own hands and sent invitations to all the nHo members to come by his base for a get together. The date was set, and he visited every member in person leading up to the event to make sure they were coming, no excuses! (He knew it was particularly urgent as when he went to check on Etho, he finally found him sleeping in one of BDubs’ builds next to the horse course, and when he got Etho awake, he cracked exactly 0 height jokes until he tried to get Etho to come by later and it was a height joke every minute. The height jokes were BDubs’ way of figuring out how nicely Etho wanted to play. The less the better.)

But now the day had finally arrived, and BDubs welcomed each one of his friends into his base with open arms and a smile. First to arrive was Beef, seeing as he was closest. Then Doc. Then as BDubs was debating messaging Iskall to find Etho for him, the man himself showed up on BDubs’ doorstep. Everything went off without a hitch in the beginning. They all were able to reconnect and chat about bases and projects they were working on; Doc with his redstone magic he was getting from his friends on another server, Beef and his efforts to create a new kind of cat food, Etho and his many projects ranging from an inventory sorter to the horse course, and BDubs with his latest shop attempts in the Big Eye Crew shopping district. (It was good to see Etho making fun of BDubs’ attempts at making a redstone shop. Etho hadn’t heard of it yet, and it was a delight to see him light up while joking about what BDubs could possibly make with redstone that even someone like Grian couldn’t do themselves.)

It all comes crashing down when Etho asks Beef more about the cat food. Specifically what was wrong with the old cat food.

Now Beef hadn’t expressly said that he had been working with EX for having a cat food stand at the Evil Emporium; but he had implied that his previous cat food flavor would be going on the back burner. What they all had assumed was that Etho at least generally knew most of the gossip on the server. But what BDubs should have guessed was that Etho had been very absent this season, and unless the current events were directly affecting his plans, he had never been one for being up to date on server events. So BDubs should have guessed that Etho asking about cat food would only end in a bittersweet ending.

“So Beefers, you said something about your cat food getting a new recipe… What happened with the old recipe? Not up to snuff?”

“I will have you know that all my cat food is premium and delicious, and I will not have you slandering it in this way,” replied an overdramatic Beef.

The nHo chuckled at his antics before Etho came back with, “Well if it wasn’t the quality then what was it? Now you have me intrigued.”

Beef shrugged. “I just wanted a cat food to really call my own is all.”

Etho gave him a look. “Wouldn’t the other cat food be yours too?”

“Well…” Beef looked deeply conflicted. BDubs decided to say it for him. “He was working for the Evil Emporium since he started to change into… I guess it’s an alien?”

Etho stilled at the name, and the rest of the group held their breaths. “Ah,” he replied, suddenly tight as a bowstring.

“Which is why I’m making a new brand of cat food, one which I’ll be selling from a shop near my base for diamonds,” soothed Beef, trying his best to keep Etho away from bad memories.

“I can see why you changed brands then,” replied Etho through a forced calm. He was not subtle in the least however. Bdubs wondered if the hurt in Etho's eyes was from the idea that his closest friend had supported the monster that had hurt him, or the idea that his friend would completely change his plans for the season due to one off script incident? Bdubs had a feeling it was definitely the former.

(BDubs had asked Xisuma after all was said and done if he remembered anything leading up to them being in front of the screen at his base. X had said the last thing he had remembered before that was meeting up with EvilX to discuss business strategies before blacking out after their customary greetings. He explained it had happened before, but he had somehow never thought much of the memory gaps. However, he agreed with the rest of the Hermits that had talked with him about it that it was a problem that would need to be investigated because it sounded like mind control. And a player that could control the server admin was a force too powerful to allow free. Or at the very least, a player that needed to have some very hard limits as to what they could do placed upon them.)

“You know, Etho, have you been ok?” asked Doc hesitantly. BDubs hoped that Doc knew what he was doing, because Bdubs was definitely lost.

Etho looked a bit like a cornered animal at the moment as he looked between the 3 of them like they had betrayed him. “Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?”

Doc gave him a look that BDubs thought was completely justified. “Etho, you went through an incredibly traumatic experience only a week or so ago. It is completely fine if you aren't doing ok.”

Etho sighed. “And what would you even do if I wasn't ok?”

Doc gave a hissy whine and moved from where he had been situated to sit close beside Etho. “Well, we'd figure out what we can do to make it a little closer to being ok.” He looked down at his lap. “I know I've been struggling with sleep recently, so I understand at least if you aren't sleeping either.” Etho looked vaguely stricken.

“You were part of the group that was watching, weren't you?” BDubs watched as Etho began to close off. Doc just nodded miserably. “And the two of you?”

BDubs felt gutted, knowing that Etho either didn't remember him breaking in to save him and holding his hand; or was purposefully ignoring the memory. “I stopped you from drowning more by blocking up the source block...” muttered Beef, looking pretty hurt himself.

“I found your enclosure and got the search party together to come finish breaking you out; and was there next to Beef when he was saving you,” finished Bdubs, a bit more of the hurt shining through because he couldn't hold a poker face even if his life depended on it. But also, Etho needed to see that he wasn't alone, in a lot of ways.

Etho looked appropriately chastised, if also incredibly grateful. “Thank you, all of you.” He leaned lightly into Doc's shoulder; the most affection he would normally show to anyone. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you 3, so thank you. Thank you so much.” They all politely ignored the sniffling coming from behind the mask, though Beef situated himself on Etho’s other side, and BDubs decided to try and strategically place himself on the floor in front of Beef so that if Etho wanted to lean a leg against him, he could. BDubs was so tempted to drape himself over Etho’s legs, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Etho probably wouldn’t handle being immobile in a sitting position well for the foreseeable future. However he was vindicated when his hair was playfully ruffled by an Etho hand as the 4 of them devolved into just sitting with each other.

BDubs should have guessed that Etho wouldn’t stay down long however, as Etho (after inconspicuously wiping the corners of his eyes dry) said, “so, who wants to help me prank the Boatem Crew?” BDubs could feel the devious smile creeping across his face.

“Now you’re speaking my language Canada boy!” Etho wheezed a quiet laugh above him.

“You sure you want to be slinging that kind of slander at me short stuff?”

“SHORT STUFF?!?!” BDubs got up in a huff. “I’LL SHOW YOU SHORT STUFF, YOU DAMN BEAN POLE!” Beef, Etho, and Doc all burst into chuckles, leaning into the couch as they tried to get themselves under control. “YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, DO YOU? Ooooooh, you are all playing a dangerous game!”

Etho and Doc proceeded to laugh harder, leaning against each other. “What are you going to do BDubs, bite our ankles?” asked Beef before breaking down laughing again.

“I’LL BITE YOUR ANKLES JUST WATCH ME!” and with that, BDubs was all over Beef, trying to get a solid shoulder punch in, but being thwarted at every turn. A stray punch at Doc, and suddenly everyone but Etho was rolling around the floor trying to playfully murder each other. Etho wheezed in laughter at their antics, and expertly avoided getting added into their mischief by eventually hopping up a ladder to the next floor and watching from the opening.

Eventually they managed to settle down, and by the time they had gathered themselves enough, it was night time. BDubs, with a lighter heart than when he had let in all his friends earlier in the day, said goodbye to them with promises that if Etho really was serious about pranking the Boatem Crew, the nHo would be right by his side. They left one by one, first Doc (who complained that he was already behind schedule on his build), then Beef (who playfully recommended Etho come help him run his shop if he wasn’t too busy helping Iskall dye prismarine), and lastly Etho. But before Etho departed, he said, “you know, I already thanked you, but I feel I should do it again.” He met BDubs’ gaze. “Thank you so much for finding me. I don’t know how that would have ended if you hadn’t caught sight of that place”.

BDubs was humbled by Etho’s gratitude, though he still replied with, “You’re my friend Etho, of course I would give it my all to find you. I’m just happy we were able to do so before it was too late. And if you ever need to get away from it all, it’s pretty nice out here once you get past all the big eyes.”

Etho wheezed a chuckle in response, a hidden smile brightening up the corners of his eyes. “Sure, I’ll keep that in mind. You take care of yourself now, you hear? I don’t want to be hearing of too many shenanigans from you, ok?”

BDubs laughed in response, and nodded. “Can do! And you do the same, ok?” He let the humor drain a bit, a more serious tone shining through. “If things get bad, please let someone know. Doc knows what happened, and he would be able to tell you who else was there that you could talk to if you needed it.”

Etho nodded. “Yeah, yeah. If it gets bad I always have Iskall and you guys.” Etho glanced at a clock in his inventory. “Looks like I should be off. If I start now, I should be able to get back before sunrise.” Etho waved goodbye as he turned to go.

“Stay safe! I’ll see you around then,” called out BDubs as he watched Etho quickly jog to the nearest source of water. Then, once acquired, he flew with the flick of his trident, starting his way back to the nether portal so as to make it back to his base safely.

BDubs went to bed that night content knowing that if Etho ever needed the help, he knew who he could reach out to.

-fin-

#bdouble0 #ethoslab #docm77 #vintagebeef #xisuma #iskall #hermitcraft #hc fanfic #hc fanfiction #hurt/comfort #my beloved #finally #zombiecleo #hypnotizd #final chapter #I hope to have this mirrored to AO3 soon if it isn't already #if AO3 would ever get me off the wait list orz

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unsympathetic-teach · 3 years

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Okay, I think the reason most u!Logan blogs were starting to stop posting is because we’ve all kind of already fully outlined everything shitty and toxic about Logan and his behavior by now. I actually started collecting all the posts that I thought were perfect outlines for how toxic he is in 2 Google Docs folders, just for my own reference, a long time ago. Links are here if you wanna look, I’m opening them to the public now: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10B7E02lawADw2NPEhMsI1mMlT7JBtiK3F7kkVFVbu4c/edit and https://docs.google.com/document/d/12JkETRCIUHP_4zZKXafYHSWlYXzq96JPe0I29gS8BIw/edit

Now I think that the fact Thomas has done this is just exhausting everyone. I’ve suspected for a long time that Thomas was just relying on his fans’ interpretation for the series, especially after Joan gave up and left. It was just... everything.

The out-of-character sexy Logan skirt, the membership thing actually allowing paying fans to write for the series, the videos being made up entirely of Incorrect Quotes the fandom wrote, Thomas going back on his vow to never read fanfics or allow ideas from fans to influence the show by changing Logan and Patton’s canonical glasses, Thomas pretty much failing the How Well Do You Know Sanders Sides quiz— like he barely seems to know his own series, Thomas not realizing what tie he was wearing to play Logan in a Patreon skit and having to correct the theory-making fandom to say he apparently didn’t even remember it was the wrong tie. Thomas making the Patreon all about Janus and basically turning his channel into a Let’s Play Patreon-locked channel, seemingly only because Janus was popular in the fandom and he still wants to make it feel tangentially related to Sanders Sides. Thomas dropping Cartoon Therapy, the Stress to Impress, and almost all the projects he started on his Thomas Sanders and Friends Channel after a video or two, like he doesn’t actually care and is just hanging on to Sanders Sides because it seemed the most popular. And profitable. The strangely long hiatuses... is he working as hard as he keeps saying, or just saying so? He kept bragging about how the jam video was almost totally improvised and thrown together on a whim when chance struck, and he completed a script and filmed it and posted within two weeks. So does really episode production take as long as we’re told? Or does he just... not care as much anymore and just need the profit?

And now, this. I’m pretty much positive that the main reason Logan got this breakdown was because the majority of the fandom he had left wanted it. I don’t honestly think it was really a well-informed thought-out decision. We can detail everything that was wrong with it, but we kind of know already. So I think any lack of asks or complaints is simply due to exhaustion. We’re exhausted. We’re all exhausted. I’m exhausted, by this and everything else, and you don’t have to share my opinions but that’s my interpretation. I don’t think Thomas knows what he’s written that well. In all honesty. And the toxic messages it can spread. I think we just all have to live with that fact.

I already sent this to one blog, but after thinking about it my message was more vaguely aimed for fans of blogs like yours than anything, so, I’m just going to send it around.. It’s okay if you have nothing to say or anything. I just wanted to say this.

i think you make a lot of great points. I dont know if i fully agree with all of them but,,a lot of what you said makes sense to me.

when i found out this video came out, the first post i saw was someone complaining that Logan was “ignored again.” and that just made me not excited to watch. This used to be my comfort media, and now I have to force myself to care about the episodes because I want to finish the series.

and yeah. I’m tired. im tired of never knowing when episodes will actually come out, and giant gaps between episodes, and how much the creators are entrenched in the fandom. I’m just. Tired.

and The problem is I still care about some of the characters. And I met friends through the fandom and I enjoyed it before i felt it kinda went to shit.

so,,I dunno. Im waiting for a full episode to decide how I feel about the characters and where the series is going as a whole.

ill rb with the correct links to the google docs.

#I might add on to this more later #ask #anon #logan criticism #tss criticism #please let me know if i need to tag anything else

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ask-elliotgang · 2 years

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What's your inspiration for your characters?

a mix between traumatizing events that have shaped me into a person and various media's i consume.

sometimes its as simple as "i want to design something" then give the character lore and a name later.

this is gonna be a long one jeez. i like to ramble sorry;;;

like commonly i will exist in a stance where im doing nothing but sitting/standing/lying in a comfy position and i completely detach from everything around me and completely indulge myself in my thoughts in a form of maladaptive daydreaming.

i'll think of events that have happened to me recently or in the past that have mentally affected me recently, or an unlocked memory that i forgot about that would trouble me, and id think about what i want different, what id want to happen that didnt, wanting something that will lead to a good end, and design a character about it.

i'll open my drawing program and design a ref in a trance where i forget about my physical needs. ignoring stomach pains or my body pleading for water or something because at this time o need to get the idea out of my head and into a form of art or character, even if i have to open a google doc and write notes about it that will seem completely unintelligible later because if i dont then the thoughts about it become louder and its too hard to focus on anything else i need to do eg, if i needed to go shopping or visit someone.

or sometimes ill grab a character design ive made and start folding my trauma into them and weave it into a story in a way to cope. for example this blog originally existed as a place where id do low effort doodles of some funny little pokemon ocs with bland basic concepts.

then id overthink and get bored and start projecting. for example i shoved a lot of trauma relating to my journey with being a trans man and other things, one main one is problems that come with being a people pleaser. and i had that as a concept and slowly would watch media and grab bits n bops from it and expand elliot into more of his character that has an original storyline with parts of me sewn into it at points

so eventually all my ocs are their own lil guys but with parts of my experiences still in them

and i hope you all will enjoy more of expanding onto the other characters of this blog that ive done this way aswell! sorry for the long read lol

#ooc #mod mak #munday #text heavy

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whumpywhumper · 3 years

Text

Consequences

There is a section before this that I’m finding impossible to finish, but there’s nothing that would make this impossible to understand. It’s a lot of world building/story building, but hopefully you guys like it? I literally live on feedback so drop me a note :)

It’s set in the Investigation section of the timeline, following New York Part 2.

Masterpost

Tagging: @misspelledwitch @insanitywishes @imagination1reality0 @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @voidwhump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @captivity-whump @liliability @muumimafia @fanastywhump @elisabethrosewrites @unsure-but-alive-752 @jeverest00 @texdoeshalo @quirkykayleetam

I legitimately would not write without the hype of these three ladies: @0idril0 @rosesareviolentlyread @walkingchemicalfire

TW: Some medical talk but let me know if I need to add a warning

V***V

“This is my least favorite part of this job,” Clint sighed as he looked over the amount of paperwork that was still waiting for review in the impromptu command station.

“Yeah, I find myself missing my TAC suit and a stand off when I’m facing a mountain of paperwork,” Ben mumbled around the pen between his teeth.

Clint chuckled, looking up as the door to the conference room opened.

From the corner of his eye, Clint caught Ben’s frown as Kincaid entered the room, immediately catching something in his partner’s demeanor that concerned him. Kinciad’s normally genial face was solemn, and Clint got a bad feeling himself as he caught the concentrated smell of antiseptic and multiple sick persons over something warmer, softer.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Ben asked, straightening from the folder he had bowed over, nodding at the doctor that followed, the flap of air from the man’s white coat explaining the smells that had concerned Clint. “What happened?”

Kincaid swallowed, walking robotically as he moved to sit next to his lover, who only became more concerned, dropping his pen and reaching for his hands. “You guys need to hear this. Go ahead, doc?”

Raising an eyebrow at the doctor, who was shooting him a quizzical look, he nodded his greeting and held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Clint.”

“Right, sorry Clint,” Kincaid huffed, rubbing his hand through his hair. “This is Dr. Decker, Dr. David Decker, he’s the head of the team on our John Doe. David, this is Clint Erickson, a consultant we’ve brought in on the case. He’s been read in, and we've already been given carte blanche by the social worker, so you’re free to give him any information like you would us.”

Dr. Decker took his hand in a firm grip, the tall, willowy man giving him a tight smile. “Good to meet you, you guys mind?” he asked, motioning toward the table.

“Not at all,” Ben murmured, his arm tight around Kincaid’s shoulders. “What’s going on, David?”

Setting the chart he’d been carrying under one arm on the table, the doctor sighed as he took the weight off of his feet, hissing as he stretched his legs. “Nothing good,” he answered, looking at Clint, “as Kincaid just informed you, I’m the lead intensivist treating the John Doe that was brought in. We are treating him for critical injuries, chronic sickness, and long term abuse. He’s been in one-on-one ICU care.”

He turned his gaze back to Ben and Kincaid. “I’m going to be blunt now, and I’m sorry cause I know how you’re taking this, Kincaid. He’s not getting better. He’s getting worse, a lot worse.

“When he was admitted, he was unconscious and in rapid decline. He was incubated in the field—“ he nodded to Kincaid and Ben, “—because he wasn’t able to maintain his airway. He was rushed to emergency surgery as soon as he arrived.

“Apparently, some fucking amateur of a surgeon attempted to make repairs following penetrating and blunt force trauma, but, with his lack of healing, those repairs didn’t hold up to the transport. Since the emergency surgery, we think he’s begun bleeding internally and has required transfusions to try and keep ahead of it—he’s just too weak right now for a follow up surgery so we’re trying to maintain without more invasive measures.”

David sighed, flipping open the chart and staring at the information there. His eyes didn’t move like he was reading, just looking through the information like he could find answers. “His labs are looking worse with each draw, he’s having unexplained seizures, and he’s just not healing the way that he should be. He’s going into organ failure, and he’s septic.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, David swallowed, not as unaffected as he wanted to project. “There’s only so much stress and pain that a body can take, and we don’t know how long this guy was held in that place. Nothing we’re doing is helping, and I don’t know how long he’s going to hang on like this.”

The doctor’s words rang in the following silence of the little room, both of the detectives leaning heavily on each other. Clint felt like he’d swallowed ice, the cold sitting heavily in his stomach.

“Fuck...” he muttered, hand rasping over his beard. He’d been doing this a long time, but it never got easier to rescue someone that wasn’t going to be able to enjoy their freedom again. That he couldn’t help.

“Look. . . I know I’m not supposed to know what’s going on here, what you guys are investigating. But there’s only so many fangmarks I can look at before I draw a whole hell of a lot of conclusions.” He huffed, re-crossing his arms, and glared at the chart in front of him. “None of the others brought in had this many, and—” he grimaced out the next words, “—you only work in this field for so long before you hear some rumors about ‘vamps and witches.’

“I can feel it, there’s something—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—supernatural going on, and I don’t know how to treat it. I’m fumbling around in the dark here trying to treat symptoms without the knowledge base to help, without even the knowledge base to know how what he went through affected him, and he is too sick for this.” He pressed his lips together, flicking his eyes up to catch Ben’s.

“Can you help me?”

Clint sighed as the two detectives turned to him, the doctor’s gaze following with barely a blink of surprise.

Of course, just when I would call Markus.

“The witch that I would normally contact about this has. . . passed away,” he said, rubbing his hand through his hair, “but let me call someone who might be able to help. Do you mind talking to someone else?”

David shook his head after a confirmatory nod from the two detectives. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Clint thumbed it open and pulled up Evan’s contact.

Putting the call on speaker, he left it to ring on the table, hoping the vet wasn’t too busy to take his call. After a few interminable rings, he answered.

“Hello?” Loud rustling accompanied the greeting, and Clint could hear the yips and barks of the clinic.

“Evan, it’s me.”

“Clint? What’s up? You okay?” A door slammed in the background, and the animal noises cut off.

“Yeah, man, I’m fine. In New York working a vamp ring, I could use your know-how.”

“I mean, sure, but I’m not sure what I could tell you about vamps that you don’t already know...?” The beastmaster trailed off, confusion plain in his tone.

Clint grimaced, avoiding the other’s concerned gazes. Evan wasn’t going to like this next part.

“It’s not really the vamps I need your help with, man. There’s a witch here that got caught up in the ring, he’s not doing well, and I need—“

Evan cut him off before he could even finish, anger making his voice snap over the line.

“No, Clint, damnit, I’ve told you. I’m not trained for people, I’m a damn vet—“

“Evan, listen—” he tried to break in, but the other man wasn’t to be deterred.

“—I don’t need that responsibility, and I don’t want it. Did you even listen to what Deanna or Illyn had to say?”

Clint sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He really didn’t want to get into this in front of three practical strangers, but the beastmaster was adamant about not treating people unless absolutely necessary. “Deanna won’t take my calls anymore after Markus—none of his coven will—and Illyn isn’t educated enough or in a place to be of any use in this situation. If anyone else would get back to me right away, I would be calling them, not you.”

His friend was silent on the other end of the line, and Clint suppressed a strangled growl. “This guy is literally dying, Evan, please.”

A huff answered his plea, and Clint could practically see the other man’s face creasing into a pained frown. “Goddamnit,” he muttered, “fine, but you owe me.”

Something released in Clint’s chest, and he let out a shaky breath. “Thanks, man.”

He turned to the other men in the room, trying to give a hopeful smile that was probably more pained than anything. “You’re on speaker phone; I got two detectives here with me and the lead doctor on the case. Hopefully they can answer any questions you got.”

David introduced himself without any more preamble, repeating what he’d just told Clint but including more technical jargon than he had with him or the detectives as laymen. He listened with half an ear as Evan asked questions of the doctor, Ben and Kincaid filling in what they’d deduced about the witch’s captivity and treatment, the majority of the wolf’s attention set on what kind of hell the guy had gone through.

Evan’s voice pulled him back from imagining the guy’s broken body and the reactions of his family if they were ever found.

“So, let me set this out: this witch was fed on vociferously by a vamp; held above ground, away from the earth, in a concrete box with no sunlight for who knows how long; critically injured and ill; and, now, he’s not healing.”

“That about sums it up, yeah,” Kincaid deadpanned, a dark look on his face.

“Was there any evidence of iron use?”

Clint felt a cold hand grab hold of his sternum, and he dropped his head down, scratching his nails down the back of his neck. “Oh shit,” he hissed, a growing realization dawning, “I should’ve thought of that.”

Evan hummed in acknowledgement. “Probably, but there’s a reason you always called me or Markus after you’ve found someone. Treatment isn’t your area of expertise.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Ben cut in, the three men leaning forward with identical looks of agitation.

“It sounds like, on top of everything else, he’s going through something commonly called magical exhaustion.” The vet had his educator’s hat on, his calm voice rumbling through the speaker in tinny waves. “It doesn’t always happen, but a part of a witch’s physical make up is magic. If they use too much without the opportunity to recharge then they can get really sick. Depending on the severity, it can be fatal.”

Clint continued for him when Evan hesitated over a sigh. “In a case like this one, where the witch is being given the opportunity to recover without interference, then you have to be on the lookout for something that’s blocked that ability to do so.

“Iron, cold wrought iron, is like poison to a large number of supernaturals. It’s in all of the fairy tales: for example, it can burn a Fae like a motherfucker and makes controlling a were’s shift or were-state...let’s just say, problematic.”

Clint suppressed a snarl at a decidedly unpleasant memory, his eyes flashing a very brief yellow. He felt a stab of contrition when David flinched backward in alarm, his eyes widening, and pulled himself back with some difficulty before continuing.

“For witches, it interferes with their ability to naturally produce or access their magic, and with such a critically injured witch, one who was trying to cope with long term trauma and magic drainage, shrugging that block off would’ve been an astronomical impossibility.”

If he’d even wanted to, Clint thought darkly.

“So it’s like he’s not producing the chemicals his body needs,” David interjected, still giving Clint a wide side-eye after seeing his eyes change, his fingers drumming on the table. “How do I fix it?”

And that was the real question, wasn’t it? God, what he wouldn’t do to have Markus or his coven’s help.

Evan’s sigh was like static over the line. “It would be too much to ask if you found his grahm anywhere, wouldn’t it?”

Catching the twin looks of dejection from the detectives, Clint shook his head as he answered. “You’d be right about that, Evan.”

“Damnit,” the vet cursed. “The only thing I can think of is something I would recommend for one of my patients—get him in nature, bury him in dirt and sunshine and hope that it would break the block down.”

Like he could sense David’s horrified expression, Evan cut off the doctor’s objections. “I know that’s not possible in this case, so I’m going to recommend the next best thing. Get a house plant, one of those that has a really strong root system, and bury his hand in it. I bet you his magic will latch onto it, maybe it’ll help. If his room has windows, give him as much natural light as possible.”

Clint heard Evan shifting in his seat, a small, sad laugh coloring the line. “I guess you guys don’t let animals into your ICU wards, right?”

“I’ll authorize whatever you think might help,” David corrected, “I already told these guys, but we’re out of our league here, and we all know it. These nurses are protective as hell, and this guy has no one but our boys in blue here and an overworked social worker. If I don’t do something to try and help cause I’m scared of administration then I’ll face a damn mutiny.”

“In that case, get a therapy animal in there. Familiars are a real thing and witches use them for a reason—it won’t be as effective as if it was this guy’s actual familiar, but it won’t hurt.”

Ben and Kincaid shared a look before the latter opened his mouth. “I’ll give Justin a call, and have him bring in Delta. She’s well trained enough, and he seemed to positively respond to her when he was conscious.”

David nodded his assent. “Olivia’s a hard-ass about her being on the floor, but she’ll feel better about Delta than any other animal.”

“What about getting him a grahm?” Ben asked. “You mentioned finding his, surely we could get one for him.”

Clint and Kincaid were already shaking their heads.

“Too personal to each individual witch,” Clint answered, “A healthy witch can channel through someone else’s grahm, but I doubt it would do more than muddle the waters for someone in this guy’s position.”

Humming in affirmation, Evan explained. “I mentioned this guy’s grahm because it might have acted like a jump start, but anything this witch wasn’t involved in making or wasn’t made specifically for his magical pattern might hurt him, and you can’t get a read on his magical pattern if he’s not producing magic.”

Silence reigned at this information, the catch-22 of their situation not settling well with any of the people in the room.

“That’s all I can think to do right now,” Evan stated after a moment, frustration evident in his voice. “I’ll give Deanna a call, see if she’ll give me any more insight.” He didn’t pause before continuing, not giving Clint the opportunity to cut him off, even if the other men heard it. “She’s hurting, Clint, but she doesn’t actually blame you for Markus. She won’t refuse to help this guy just cause you’re working the case.”

Evan knew him too well, but even his words didn’t do anything to soothe the pang of hurt in his chest, his guilt resurfacing. “Thanks, Evan,” he said, voice rough, “let us know if you find anything out, okay?”

“Yeah, man, I’ll let you know.”

David didn’t stick around for much more discussion after the line went dead, walking out of the command station with a mission in his step.

Ben and Kincaid were silent for a few minutes though, leaning into each other’s spaces. A string of envy wrapped itself around Clint’s ribs, pulling tight. What wouldn’t I do to give Nico a hug right now?

Clint sighed, ruffing up the back of his hair as he pulled out his phone. “I’ll send Holland a text updating him on John Doe’s condition and what Evan recommended. Kincaid, you update Justin, I think the faster we get Delta in here the better.”

Nodding, the younger man pulled his phone out and started typing. “He and Delta should be on their way back in, I’ll let him know to hurry.” His face twisted on his next words. “Man, I can’t get the image out of my head-“ he looked at Ben, eyes sorrowful, “-when he was petting Delta. . . “

“Yeah. . .fuck, this case sucks.”

Eyebrows furrowing, Clint cocked his head. “You said that he was conscious at one point, you weren’t able to get a name out of him?“

They both shook their heads, starting to pull more files over to work on. “No, he was too sick,” Ben answered. “Tried to talk, started coughing, and his vitals just tanked. It couldn’t have been ten minutes later, when we were getting him in the ambulance, that he stopped breathing on his own and we had to intubate.”

All three of them sighed, shaking their heads as they tried to shake the depressed atmosphere. It would be a good time for a dark joke, the life blood of career law enforcement, but he couldn’t find the energy.

Turning back to the transcript he’d been reading when David came in, his phone buzzed as Holland texted him back. He cracked a grin as he read the message. Trust Holland to not disappoint. “You old bastard,” he chuckled.

Ben made a quizzical noise, glancing up from a morbid photograph of blood streaked concrete.

Clint held out the phone, grinning wildly at the man’s snark. “Holland asks if he needs to pick up any essential oils on his way back. Apparently his wife really likes Blue Chamomile before bedtime.”

Ben grinned as he took the proffered phone, reading the text from Holland before shaking his head and dismissing the notification. “He just likes to be contrary, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Clint leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head and stretching. Closing his eyes blissfully as the tension released in his shoulders. “Stubborn old bastard will be doing this from the grave.”

“This looks like a fun crowd, these your friends?”

Releasing the stretch, Clint blinked his eyes open in confusion, and saw Ben examining his home screen. An uncomfortable curl of sadness turned over in his stomach, but he smiled and nodded. “That’s the group back in Louisiana. We got Markus’s coven and the rest of the pack together for a going away party. It was a good time.”

Ben paused as he examined the photo closer, turning the screen away from Kincaid’s curious gaze and shaking his head. The edges of his perpetual smile formed into a frown on his next question.

“. . . Clint, didn’t you say your witch friend, Markus, was . . . gone?”

“Yeah, uh. . . yeah he is.” Heart sinking in his chest at the unexpected question, Clint swallowed past a sudden lump, words coming carefully. “He. . .uh, he went missing several months ago in Massachusetts.”

Hands shaking, he took the phone back from Ben and doused the screen, placing it face down on the table. He felt his shoulders try to hitch up around his ears, but he forced them to relax as he curled his hands around themselves. “We knew, uh. . . fuck,” he muttered, already feeling some tears forming on his eyelashes, “we knew that he was taken—violently taken. He called Illyn, said that he’d been shot. That he was scared.”

Kincaid frowned with him, a sympathetic hand tapping the table between them. It made the wolf smile, sure as anything that he’d been welcomed into these men’s pack; that knowledge was a comforting weight fitting snugly around his heart.

Clint cleared his throat, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, and breathed out slowly. His talk with Holland was too fresh for this conversation, but it didn’t help anything to pretend it didn’t happen. Plus, he felt like these guys deserved to know after the discussion with Evan. They’d pull him out of it if he got too low or distracted to help with the case.

So, he forced himself to continue.

“We could never pin down who took him. It’s an unusual M.O. for a supernatural to use a gun like that but. . . there just weren’t any other leads.“

Fuck. . . fuck, it’s such an unusual M.O., and I still can’t find a goddamn suspect. Still haven’t found him. What kind of fucking investigator am I?

What kinda friend?

I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Markus.

“Did it have to be a supernatural?” Ben drew Clint back from his spiral with the question, putting a stilling hand on a confused Kincaid’s shoulder as he gave him a warning look.

Clint huffed a strangled laugh, looking down at the table with a humorless smile. “Yeah, yeah, it woulda had to have been. One ‘a the few things Markus told Illyn was that he had to use a lot of magic to get some distance. Markus is. . .” he sucked in a pained breath through his teeth, “was, a very powerful witch. Even though he didn’t have his grahm on him, it woulda been hard, damn hard, for some supernatural to take him if he had the opportunity to use his magic. No way a human could have.”

Ben nodded in the corner of Clint’s vision. “That makes sense, no idea what kind of supernatural did it?”

Clenching his jaw around the residual anger at Illyn and himself, Clint shook his head. “By the time I was called in, the scene was 40 plus hours cold. I couldn’t even be there for the first week, I was in Montana wrapping up the investigation on a child-trafficking ring. Roxanne, the friend I called in to investigate, suspected a vamp, but she couldn’t get much of a read on the scene with that much decay and the foot traffic that came through it. All of her leads eventually ran cold.”

Both officers grimaced, knowing intimately how difficult it was to investigate a scene like that, putting together the pieces of his guilt. Clint shared a commiserating smile with both of them before studiously examining his thumb nail, continuing the story.

“Illyn,” he sighed, the gust of air shimmying the papers on the table, “Illyn was able to get a brief limited-telepathic link within the two days after he was taken. All she got was that he was in pain and that he was being kept in a concrete room with fluorescent lights. She stated that he couldn’t have been 50 miles from where he was taken at the time of contact, so that’s where we concentrated our search. There wasn’t any further contact.

“We never found a body, but with the violence of the attack, the amount of pain that he was in. . . “ He felt a shudder crawl down his back, his esophagus trying to curl up into a knot before he could clear his throat. He kept his gaze locked on his hands, not wanting to see the looks on their faces. “Statistically speaking, even in a normal case, it’s unlikely that he would have survived this long, but a witch of his caliber. . .”

“They don’t tend to last very long when they’ve been taken within the supernatural community,” Ben finished for him. Clint nodded, biting his lip, fighting the urge to rub at his face. “Clint. . . Do you mind if I have a second look at that picture?”

“Nah, ‘course not.” He slid his phone back over, not quite feeling the bewilderment growing in his stomach at the request.

He watched Ben pick the phone back up like it was a bomb, taking a deep breath before tapping the screen. He nodded to himself, biting at his cheek before turning the screen toward Kincaid. “Tell me what you see, Kin’,” he all but whispered.

Clint froze as he watched all of the blood drain from Kincaid’s face.

“Oh, fuck. . .”

#Markus/Lucien Series #medical whump #hurt/comfort #aftermath of captivity

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princessmadafu · 4 years

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That Book (excuse the long post)

I didn't want to jump into the fray without first thinking over the published extracts of FF and the various critiques and synopses in the press. I'd just like to send huge thanks to YankeeWallee and everyone that YW herself thanks for the collated screenshots of the excerpts and RoyahNikkah's review. I'll do what the rest of you do and state here that these are my personal opinions and anything quoted comes under "fair usage", etc. Long live free speech!

My over-riding reaction is, what an absolute pile of lies, lies and more lies. Starting with Scobie's sources, of which he says there are at least two per nugget of information. I believe most of the book has come directly or indirectly from MM herself, and that any "sources" have MM's blessing, sanction or outright order to disclose. FaceTiming in the bath? How would Scobie know? Unless he was in the bath with her, this can only have come from herself or the friend being FaceTimed. There is too much of a highly personal nature for it to be Scobie's own investigative work. So there's the first lie, straight from the weirdly-toothy Sussexy horse's mouth; of course she collaborated!

Some of us had our reservations right from the start of Harry and MM's relationship, but we were prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt and join in the welcome of a biracial, divorced American actress. Right-wing, left-wing, a-political or not-royally-bothered, we all thought, Let's give the pair a chance to see what they can do.

How about this article from Spiked on the engagement of Harry & MM from 2017:

Meghan Markle: Generation Woke's Princess Diana - spiked

"...look no further than the fawning response to the engagement of Prince Harry and American actress Meghan Markle – one of those rare occasions in which both the Telegraph editorial team and the identity-politics set erupted in simultaneous celebration."

How quickly the celebration wore off as the pair of them squandered our goodwill. Another article from Spiked from July 2019, less than two years later, is harsher, when we've all been insulted, preached at and condemned as racists by PH&MM:

Meghan Markle is the worst kind of snob - spiked

"With the possible exception of a few sad social outcasts, no one has a problem with the fact that Meghan’s mum just happens to be black. No, Meghan is criticised for being snobby, elitist, hopelessly out of touch and possessing all the self-awareness of a flea. It’s not Meghan’s skin colour that annoys people, but the fact that she thinks nothing of donning an outfit that costs more than most people in the UK earn in a year and then getting her minders to order the public not to take photos of her. [...] There are heaps of reasons for people not just to criticise Meghan and Harry, but to ridicule their hypocrisy and puncture their pomposity. And not one involves the colour of Meghan’s skin. Meghan comes in for criticism because she is the worst kind of snob who condescends to tell others not just what to do, but also what to think. The fact that she is biracial is completely irrelevant. Of course, there is an obvious solution for Harry and Meghan if they do not like the public attention and criticism. Harry could denounce his claim to the throne. They could give up the titles, move out of the palaces and fund their own lifestyle. I can’t for the life of me imagine why they don’t."

Prescient, no? Six months later and they announce they're off. She played him like a fiddle. The raptures she went into over Botswana and wanting the spend the summer? Did she feed his fantasies of moving to Africa permanently? How strange that Africa became Canada, which then became Los Angeles? Strange my perky little bottom! She had this planned all along. I don't know if PH is with her over there, but she certainly seems to be feeding the illusion that she is now Hollywood Royalty. If she couldn't cut real Royalty, she definitely won't cut the LaLaLand version which is a lot less restrained in voicing its opinions of jumped-up wannabes. Especially the Markly ones who cut, dump, run and show no loyalty or staying power.

The following points, in no particular order, are mostly from an assortment of DM writers and comments from members of the public.

"The book claims the so-called ‘old guard’ tried to undermine the couple and ‘were concerned that the global interest in and popularity of the Sussexes needed to be reined in’." A little self-aggrandisement here, possibly? Global interest, maybe, of the rubber-necking car crash variety, but global popularity? When was that, exactly? Royal staff are all well aware that the purpose of the Royals is to support HMTQ; that is their job. If the Sussexes needed reining in at all, it was because they weren't doing their job properly.

"Harry and Meghan believed ‘few inside the palace were looking out for their interests’ and felt that most courtiers could not be trusted with their sensitive information." Ditto, the courtiers' job is to look out for the interests of HMTQ; PH&MM's job was to look out for the interests of HMTQ, not themselves.

"They believed that these ‘men in grey suits’ were stifling their attempts to launch their initiatives, and when they tried to air these frustrations ‘the conversations didn’t lead anywhere’." I mean, come on! PH is 6th in line. He knows that. There is no "they" involved here - it's all MM again, isn't it, thinking she's more important because she's more popular and she famously gets what she wants... She thought she could snap her fingers and make whatever she wanted happen. She ignored the hierarchy and the protocols, and probably (I suspect) got dimwit Harry believing that she knew best, and that together they could change the world.

"One source said Harry felt that some of the old guard at the palace ‘simply didn’t like Meghan and would stop at nothing to make her life difficult’." I can well believe that staff at the palace didn't like her - she showed her true colours quite early on - but deliberately making her life difficult? I suspect this is what MM told Harry. Twisted the truth, naturally. I'm guessing she made a few ridiculous OTT demands, or wanted some unworkable project, and the staff, knowing their jobs as they do, tried to point out the flaws in her ideas, prevent her making a fool of herself, or otherwise politely protect her from herself. Goodness knows, she made a fool of herself often enough, barging in front and all that...

"The book concludes that Meghan was ‘totally foreign’ to this group of advisers, who ‘could sometimes be even more conservative than the institution they guarded’." They were guarding an institution with over a thousand years of history from someone with neither understanding of nor respect for British history, the Monarchy, or the duties of the RF; and she made no effort to learn.

"Another insider said: ‘The fact is that Meghan was welcomed with open arms and everyone did their best to offer their help about how to navigate such a tricky public role – advice she would often choose to ignore." The arrogance of the woman! And she was welcomed. She just believed that she knew best.

"Omid Scobie said Meghan’s high-profile career as an actress and the fact that she was a divorcee left her ‘ripe for exploitation’." High-profile career, mwah! Actress, mwah! Divorcee, so what? Charles and Camilla are both divorce/es, Anne is a divorcee, so is Andrew, and a whole bunch of other lesser royals. As for being ripe for exploitation, I think we all know how this panned out and MM wasn't the one being exploited! Far from it. She milked every opportunity and opening her new title and her new husband could bring her.

"During one of their final engagements as senior royals, Meghan was ‘purposefully snubbed’ by Kate in front of a global TV audience, the authors claim." Well now, where to start on this one? MM threw a hissy fit because she wasn't allowed to walk in the procession with HMTQ, C&C and DDoC. The DDoC decided to appease MM by pulling out of the procession and taking their seats. Now I don't know what DDoC thought about that but I can just imagine them comparing MM's behaviour with that of their own beautifully behaved kids. I can just imagine them thinking thank God she'll be gone soon! I doubt there was any purposeful snubbing at the service but MM has no manners and no idea how to behave, not even in church. The DDoC are too well brought-up to "carry on" in a place of worship, nor would they lean across seats for a happy little chat, just a quick turn round for a friendly word with Edward and Sophie immediately behind them before the arrival of C&C and HMTQ. Churches are not places to be gossiping and grinning inanely, and you definitely don't push your way through the chairs when the service is over! She is so rude and ill-mannered.

"The book claims Meghan and Kate’s ‘cordial but distant rapport’ was apparent when the pair appeared alongside each other at the King Power Royal Charity Polo Day last summer." I don't remember the dates exactly, but I should think by this time DoC was well and truly fed up with MM's shenanigans; the doe-eyes she'd been pulling at PW, the rumours she and the SS had been fanning about PW and une petite liaison with a long-time friend... Cordial but distant was probably the best MM could hope for at this stage; DoC was hardly about to play Happy Families with the troublemaker.

"The couple were dismayed when no photograph of them and their son Archie was displayed during the Queen’s Christmas speech last year." It was quite clear that the photos on display represented the direct line of succession, from HMTQ's father through to her great-grandson - five generations of the Monarchy. I truly believe that MM wanted to "modernise" the RF to such an extent that PH would be elected King! With MM at his side, dripping in all the jewels she could get her greedy mitts on! I realise it must be hard for PH to get to grips with his status as "Pretty Much Relegated Former Spare", but she must have been really feeding his insecurities if she got him upset about the absence of a photograph.

"Prince Harry was the first to say 'I love you' in his relationship with Meghan Markle, with friends revealing the couple were 'immediately obsessed' with each other, according to the latest extract of a bombshell biography." Oooh, how would Scobie know something as intimate as this? Immediately obsessed with each other, I can well believe; MM with his status, title, money, the palaces, the jewels... and she reeled him into her fantasy world with lies and perfectly posed KamaSutra yoga until he was obsessed with this chameleon woman, at the same time both mother-figure and hot, sexy, adoring, sophisticated, intelligent, humanitarian animal lover. Oh the lies, the lies; "Will you walk into my parlour, said the Spider to the Fly."

"They enjoyed a romantic dinner, with staff taking great pains to ensure their privacy, whisking them in through a staff entrance usually used to bring in fish discreetly." This is their second date at SoHo House, and again, how would Scobie know little details unless MM had told him herself? I like the hint of shade by the writer noting that the entrance was used to bring in fish discreetly - there's definitely something fishy about MM!

How about some comments from DM readers?

"Every single shameless self-serving tabloid "leak" and publicity stunt she has orchestrated has backfired specularly. Hence why Harry has gone from beloved military man and active working Royal to a national embarrassment within two short years! Her efforts at aggressive self-promotion are no match for her lack of talent or perspective in that area. She could have heeded advice from other, more dedicated Royals, but No. Meghan knew better and decided that she was deserving of instant worship fit for her 'celebrity' expectations. The Duchess of Cambridge has earned respect over years with quiet dedication to her causes. Meghan felt entitled to all the glory instantly, and was clearly slighted to learn that respect is not something to be commanded. She is a culture vulture with no respect or understanding of the very people that she promised to represent." [Jace T Adams]

"The narrative of the relationship is laughable. Everyone knows they first met in Canada when Harry was there for Invictus. He needed a girl for the night and Meghan was arranged for him. She must have been impressive as they had a date the next day and the rest is history." [Lady M]

"You can't work with someone you don't trust and these two have proven untrustworthy." [ellegrav]

I have no inside information on any of above, but people better placed than I am are making similar judgments on the contents of FF; people who've spent their working lives following and reporting on the RF.

"The Queen’s former press secretary Dickie Arbiter told the Mail: ‘I think it has their fingerprints all over it. We had a similar scenario in 1992 when Diana swore blind she hadn’t helped Andrew Morton and yet a year later it came out that she had indirectly helped him so history is repeating itself. ‘There are too many things that we have seen in the serialisation that could only come from the horse’s mouth, like deciding to gatecrash Sandringram when they landed from Canada."

And Jan Moir: JAN MOIR on the Meghan and Harry biography that has put ...

What did the pair of them want or expect? Top billing, it seems. What is remarkable is that Harry’s whole life and entire upbringing have been devoted and calibrated to him being a prince. Surely he understands how it works? Surely he could have explained the system to his vexed new bride? Primarily, that being royal is a form of active service, with ranks and a hierarchy so uncomplicated that schoolchildren throughout the realm understand the line of succession and its importance to the Windsors — and to us.

And Robert Hardman: ROBERT HARDMAN: Harry and Meghan are ... - dailymail.co.uk

Yet Finding Freedom is a struggle against protocol and seating plans. It is based on the perceived unfairness of a pecking order which has governed — and preserved — the monarchy for 1,000 years.

We can't all be wrong!

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erisbaek · 3 years

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Stucky Fic Rec [Part One]

So I decided to split the fic recs up into parts because they will be too long otherwise. In each part I will link the Google Doc that I am typing them up in, which is where I will constantly update as I read. Within these fic recs, they’re mostly my preferences, so very few (if any) Shrinkyclinks, and ABO fics will be within them, as well as shorter fics, since I actively seek fics out that are longer than 10k (and completed)!!

The Google Doc Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10wqr5s-CzkFzLidQgt-y4-cjudHWwVeVPWCedMjK7t0/edit?usp=sharing

The first part is formatted under the cut, if you’d prefer to stay out of the doc!

Lightning in a Bottle

Word Count: 63k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Road Trip!AU, Angst with Happy Ending Warnings: Smut, Smoking Synopsis: The problem, Steve thinks, isn’t so much his motorcycle giving up the ghost on a lonely stretch of highway through a lonely stretch of the country. He doesn’t mind stretching his legs or the prospect of hitchhiking. The problem is the roiling black blanket of storm clouds slowly spreading itself over the landscape headed his direction… Steve Rogers is looking to hitch on a highway abandoned by everyone smart enough to avoid a looming storm. Bucky Barnes is the professional storm chaser who offers him a ride.

It gets more complicated from there.

Perspective and Truth

Word Count: 16.7k Rating: Teen and Up Notable Tags: Bodyswap!AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort Warnings: None Synopsis: Bucky and Steve end up swapping bodies and learning a lot more about each other in the process

Carbs and Conversations

Word Count: 48k Rating: Teen and Up Notable Tags: Hockey!AU, No Powers Warnings: None Synopsis: Bucky was just looking for a chance. A chance to get on the ice and play. A chance to escape from Hydra. A chance to redeem himself. He didn't include 'A chance to be friends with Steve Rogers' on the list. That would be ridiculous. Lucky for him, Steve seemed determined to be ridiculous.

So Loud and So Clear

Word Count: 26.6k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Get Together, Slow Build Warnings: None Synopsis: Bucky had been careful, after all, leaving no trace of his comings and goings. It was horrendously disappointing to know that Rogers had found him. Bucky was a lot better than getting caught by a guy who wore the American flag as a onesie. He just really was. “Don’t you – Bucky – Bucky,” Rogers started, and to Bucky’s growing horror, it looked like Rogers was on the verge of some type of emotional eclipse. Anger, sadness, something, and Bucky wanted nothing to do with it. “Hate to break it to you, bud, but I don’t remember ever living here and I don’t remember you.”

A Loyal Viewer

Word Count: 36.1k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Camboy!Steve, Punk!Bucky, No Powers, Long Distance Relationship Warnings: Smut Synopsis: At almost exactly eight thirty in the evening, Steve settles on the bed before his camera and the computer. He signs into his account on Chaturbate and clicks the button that starts his stream.

In My Conditions, Love’s the Best Physician

Word Count: 9.1k Rating: Not Rated Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Pharmacist!Bucky, Russian!Bucky Warnings: None Synopsis: ”This situation is a little more delicate because I don't even know if he speaks English and I'm tired of going down to the pharmacy for constipation medication and allergy pills when I haven't sneezed since 1941.” Steve shouts. The room falls silent, and he turns back around to find four pairs of stunned eyes watching him. Tony, as always, speaks first. “He?” - Or the one where Bucky is a hot pharmacist and Steve keeps making up bullshit reasons to go see him.

Rare Is This Love (Keep It Covered)

Word Count: 66.7k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Mechanic!Bucky, Slow Burn Warnings: Smut, Canonical Character Death Synopsis: It's 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

Looking For A Place To Hide

Word Count: 33.3k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Endgame Fix-It, 2012!Steve Warnings: Smut Synopsis: It's 2012 and all Steve knows is that another version of himself said Bucky is alive. Steve will do anything to get his friend back, even if it means time traveling to 2023. He expects Bucky to be happy to see him, but instead he's wary, hurt. Turns out his Steve had left him for Peggy. How? Why? Steve can't believe it. Now he'll have to find a way to make sense of it all, and convince Bucky that it's the two of them to the end of the line.

The Wolf and the Sheep

Word Count: 50.5k Rating: Teen and Up Notable Tags: Shield Agent!Steve, Winter Soldier!Bucky Warnings: None Synopsis: Steve Rogers is a SHIELD agent who is recruited for a secret project: Becoming a handler for the Asset. Steve’s world is thrown for a loop when he discovers the Asset is an actual person and he needs to figure out who he is and what he’s going to do.

All Those Little Pieces

Word Count: 40.5k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Alternating POV, Post CATW Warnings: Smut, Panic Attacks Synopsis: Steve has never forgotten Bucky Barnes. Not their childhood together, not the horror of the moment Bucky fell too far for him to reach, and not the way he's loved him all the while. Bucky has forgotten everything about Steve, at least at first. But there's still a feeling there, warm in his chest—and maybe now that he's found his way back to Steve Rogers and his sunny apartment, there's a chance it might turn into something more.

My Dear

Word Count: 29.9k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Post CATWS, Recovery Warnings: Smut Synopsis: The Soldier stares down at the floor, breathing hard through his nose. “And you still wanna fix me,” he says. Steve shakes his head. “There’s nothing to fix, Buck. I just want to bring you home.”

Living On My Own

Word Count: 26.1k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Vigilante!Bucky Warnings: Blood and Gore Synopsis: James Barnes is back in the world and finds that not only has there been 1) an alien invasion, but 2) Howard Stark had a kid. One that dispenses unsolicited life advice, no less. Oh, and 3) Captain America is alive again, after getting himself killed by his own recklessness in a move so stupid only Steve could have come up with it. In which James learns to do laundry, turns into an accidental neighborhood vigilante and makes Tony Stark a happy grease monkey, all while he figures out where to stake his claim.

Chase the Lighting From the Sky

Word Count: 39.4k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: No Powers, Age Gap, Farm!AU Warnings: Smut, Past Character Death, Animal Death Synopsis: If Bucky has to be stuck doing this ridiculous summer work program before his senior year of college, on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, then at least he’s got a hot as hell cowboy for a boss and host. Steve Rogers, owner of the Truth & Justice Ranch, is what Bucky’s completely theoretical but very imaginative bisexual fantasies are made of. Steve’s a widower though, and a nice guy in need of help, and no doubt 100% straight… so Bucky’s gonna work his ass off and keep his head down. But neither Bucky nor Steve are prepared for the friendship that forms between them as they work side by side. And they certainly aren’t expecting the budding feelings, confessions, and passions that summer heat and the loneliness of the great open plains stirs in each of them. What rages to life between them will shake each man to his core and will linger long after the storms and the summer have passed.

Cinder and Smoke

Word Count: 51.7k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Sheriff!Steve, Blacksmith!Bucky, Old Western Warnings: Smut, Period-Typical Homophobia, OC Death Synopsis: “They say there’s no law in Parasapa. Is that true?”

Art Thief, Heart Thief

Word Count: 58.8k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: FBI!Steve, Thief!Bucky Barnes Warnings: Smut Synopsis: Agent Steve Rogers is facing a series of art thefts that has him stumped, and looking for a break in the case. Convicted art thief and general high end criminal Bucky Barnes wants to make parole and happens to know all of the right people who could make Steve's job easier. So they strike a deal, mutually beneficial and entirely business. But a few days undercover, an undeniable growing chemistry, and some ill-timed Feelings entering the mix, and all bets are off.

Laws of Thermodynamics

Word Count: 14.6k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Post CATWS, Recovery Warnings: Smut Synopsis: He never had to relearn how to love Steve Rogers. It might be the one thing he never forgot.

Abstract Art

Word Count: 26.6k Rating: Teen and Up Notable Tags: Friends to Lovers, Artist!Steve, Ex Sniper!Bucky Warnings: None Synopsis: They survive almost a year of torture together, cells side by side, banter and teasing and stories. They keep each other alive. Then everything changes. They tell Bucky that Rogers's been killed. He tries to piece his life together, to move on. Steve owns an art store. He's given up looking. It's over. Except it's really not.

We Discovered Gold

Word Count: 18.7k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Post CACW, Fix-It, Wakanda Warnings: Smut Synopsis: “So you got these safe houses scattered all over Russia?” Steve jokes into the soft hair over Bucky's temple, not pulling away, “Or did we just get lucky?” Bucky shakes his head and then replies, “Got myself a few. It’s been a long two years.” “Yeah pal,” Steve nods, burrowing further, “I hear that.”

Never Mind to Hold

Word Count: 21.6k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Soulmate!AU, Not CACW Compliant, Soulmarks Warnings: Brief Suicidal Ideation Synopsis: Steve didn't know the name of Bucky's soulmate. He wasn't even sure when it had appeared across Bucky's heart. But Steve knew it wasn't his name hidden under that patch.

Where There’s Smoke

Word Count: 95.1k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Firefighter!AU Warnings: Smut Synopsis: Steve is a Brooklyn firefighter who is about to be saddled with a new, rookie crewmate. James Barnes is that rookie, just looking for a fresh start at a new station. Steve's friends think they know what's best for him...start dating his new crewmate. Steve thinks they're crazy...or possibly right. But events from James's recent past may pose a threat to any designs they have on each other.

Let Them Eat Cake

Word Count: 31k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Pastry Chef!Steve, Sommelier!Bucky Warnings: Smut, Drug Use Synopsis: Steve picked up the piping bag and returned to the ramekins. Bucky left, though not without shooting one last look at Steve's wide back. Bucky could already tell Steve Rogers was trouble, not even counting the near-religious experiences he inspired among the staff. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t appreciate him as well; he did. He just tended to appreciate people he found attractive from afar, because explaining the metal arm was hard, and because he didn’t really know how to handle letting someone in close. But that wasn’t why Steve was trouble, not really. Bucky wanted to know why their new pastry chef had gun calluses on his right hand.

Adrenalize Me

Word Count: 58.5k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Vampire!Steve Warnings: Smut, Blood Synopsis: Leaning against the side of a wall, taking an indolent drag of a cigarette, there he stood. Watching Bucky with an inscrutable gaze. Staring at Bucky for long seconds, the blond seemed to consider him before breaking the silence. “You know, nice guy like you walking alone at this hour – people might think you were looking for trouble.” Trying not to shudder at the sound of that voice, which wrapped around him like smoke, Bucky managed a smirk, lifted a brow. “Well, if I was, it looks like I found it.” Two strangers meet in a dark club. One just happens to be a vampire.

The Change in Us

Word Count: 23.4k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: N/A Warnings: Smut Synopsis: “I’ve found your BFF,” Stark says without preamble. “My… what?” “James Barnes. Winter Soldier. Bucky. I don’t know, I don’t care, but right now he’s perched on the roof of the next building with a gun on me, and it’s not so much my idea of a relaxing afternoon, so could you get down here?” Steve hangs up and starts running.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Word Count: 38.2k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Ex Army!Bucky Warnings: Minor Smut Synopsis: Many an odd critter and item have ended up on the front porch of the property Bucky house-sits in the Middle Of Nowhere, but a bleeding blond man is a first. A short inspection reveals the man to be none other than Steve Rogers; ex-Captain America, vigilante, and a wanted fugitive. Steve’s stay of a few days of recovery is prolonged, under instructions for him to lie low until the Avengers can sort out the mess that has become the Sokovia Accords. Bucky is pretty sure that he’s committing an act of treason by providing Steve a place to stay. He is also pretty sure that lengthy interaction with Steve makes one prone to impending headaches and possibly ulcers. And he is certain that he is, very assuredly, in danger of falling in love with Steve.

The Soldier’s Revenge

Word Count: 76.4k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Canon Divergence, Enemies To Lovers, Slow Burn Warnings: Smut Synopsis: Bucky Barnes turns himself in to SHIELD two years after dragging Captain America out of the Potomac River. He was deprogrammed in Wakanda and has been hunting down Hydra ever since, but he needs help if he wants to take proper revenge on his captors. He turns to his old enemies: SHIELD and the Avengers, but it'll take more than a few words to win their trust after the Winter Soldier brought SHIELD to its knees not long before. Now at SHIELD's mercy, the only thing that stands between Bucky and his revenge is the approval of Captain Rogers: a self-righteous asshole that Bucky barely knows.

The Best Way to Wake

Word Count: 42.2k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Canon Divergence, Slow Burn Warnings: Smut Synopsis: James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!” In which Bucky Barnes lay frozen in the Alps for seventy years only to be woken up a year after Steve Rogers was uncovered from the Arctic.

Latte Art and Slow Dancing in the Dark

Word Count: 89.5k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Age Difference, CIA!Steve, Barista!Bucky, Sugar Daddy!Steve Warnings: Smut Synopsis: Bucky is a somewhat well-adjusted former army sniper that got his shoulder blown out. He took his discharge and went home to finish school and is working on his international relations masters. His best friends and roommates (Nat & Clint) are CIA agents and tip him off that their local Sbux is hiring. He gets a job there and meets none other than the hottest guy on earth. So how does one get a date in the most top secret government location in the US? What happens when that guy is more than just a hot dorito and wants to give Bucky everything he wants? Bucky is going to have to figure out his shit and fast. That's what's up.

Laughter Lines

Word Count: 100.2k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Bodyguard!AU, Slow Burn Warnings: None Synopsis: Bucky Barnes is a rising Hollywood star with a tragic past and a reputation for driving his bodyguards away. Steve Rogers is a veteran with the same tragic past and the need to get back out in the world. The two of them have been estranged since they were teenagers, so when Steve joins SHIELD as a bodyguard, he is less than thrilled when he finds out that Bucky is his first assignment. But how bad can it be? They're both professional adults, right?Wrong.

From Hydra with Love

Word Count: 21.2k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Spies!Steve and Bucky Warnings: Smut Synopsis: Captain Steve Rogers is one of the best spies in the world - a marksman, a martial artist, an expert in strategy and tactics. There's not a lot he can't handle. Heck, he's even saved the world once or twice. So why does every run in with the mysterious Winter Soldier leave him feeling like the Bond Girl?

Goddamn Electric

Word Count: 67.8k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Bodyguard!Steve, Musician!Bucky Warnings: Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Smut Synopsis: Steve Rogers works for a discreet private security company and gets assigned to James Barnes, a musician who takes the idea of 'sex, drugs & rock 'n roll' just a little too seriously.

There Was Something About Steve Rogers

Word Count: 46.7k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Post CATWS Warnings: Smut, Panic Attacks Synopsis: The Winter Soldier knows Steve Rogers has deep feelings for Bucky Barnes, and decides that he can use that to his advantage to gain protection from the Hydra agents still trying to find him. What he didn't bargain for was actually starting to care about the man they call Captain America, or the strength of Bucky Barnes' memories as they begin to resurface.

Through the Mist

Word Count: 14.5k Rating: Teen and Up Notable Tags: Soulmate!AU, Post CATWS Warnings: None Synopsis: He usually kept it covered. Whether it be with long sleeves, a cuff of some sort, or make up Natasha skillfully showed him how to apply. He didn’t cover it up because he was ashamed or because he was one of those people who didn’t like others knowing who his soulmate was- no. He covered it up out of respect. Respect for his fallen partner, and respect for himself because he knew looking at those swoopy lines of James B. Barnes on his wrist always made him crumble like his legs were kicked down. When he crashed into the ice all those years ago he thought he was going to see Bucky again- he thought he was finally going to be with Bucky without people giving them ugly looks and throwing slurs their way. He thought he was going to be happy again.

Take Me Home

Word Count: 78.1k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Veteran!Bucky Warnings: Smut, Torture, Referenced Suicide Synopsis: “I’m so sorry, I’m gonna help you I promise, just don’t move, fuck, I ran over Captain America–” the man apologized, over and over, and all Steve managed to say was, “You’re really attractive,” before passing out on the guy’s lap in the middle of the road.

Where the Circle Ends

Word Count: 29.8k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: Zombie Apocalypse!AU Warnings: Smut, Gore Synopsis: In which the world has gone to hell in a zombie apocalypse handbasket and, in the middle of it all, Steve finds the one person he never thought he'd see again. Angst and feelings (amongst other things) ensue.

Our Souls (They Were Made to Last)

Word Count: 53.8k Rating: Mature Notable Tags: No Powers, Veteran!Steve, Doctor!Bucky, Ghost!Bucky Warnings: None Synopsis: Dr. James Barnes is too busy saving lives to actually have one of his own. When he finally agrees to go on a blind date, he gets into an accident that will change his life forever. Retired Army Captain Steve Rogers is depressed, and when he moves into his new apartment he finds it already occupied....with the ghost of its last tenant. To make matters worse, the ghost is adamant that he's not dead. As they navigate their way through their new living arrangements, can they save each other, before it’s too late? Or have they missed their one shot at a happy ending?

By Any Other Name

Word Count: 36.9k Rating: Explicit Notable Tags: Assassins and Hitmen!AU, Spies and Agents!AU Warning: Smut Synopsis: Steve was a good spy. It turned out one good spy didn't stand a chance against a rival security firm, a contract killer, and his own heart.

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