#berklie novak stolz

[berk-brain-rot]

Brain worm of the day:

The way Berk uses difference in punctuation specifically between poems as a whole.

So in a previous post I did an incredibly overly detailed babble of words into how Berk uses capitalization for individual words that provide not just emphasis, but sometimes change their entire meaning from that of a verb to a proper noun/entity.

This isn't the only way they use capitalization though. Berk's poems in Lazarus Rises seem to follow a couple different levels of grammatical rule breaking basically. Some of their poems follow basic grammar sentence structure:

What I mean by that is that capitalization occurs in the same way it would for normal sentences, with the first letter of a sentence and all I's being capitalized, as well as with periods concluding each sentences.

Sometimes they follow a form of normal sentence structure:

Their I's are still capitalized and they still use periods, but the beginning of sentences aren't capitalized. Not only that but the sentences themselves don't follow a normal sentence structure in the form of subject-verb-object, they seem to begin and end wherever emphasis or a spoken pause would be needed.

Sometimes though they completely throw the rules out the window:

In the case of this poem they don't capitalize a single letter or use a single period until the very end of their poem:

Now here's the thing, this could all be Berk just messing around with style (they're entitled to playing around with it but honestly a lot of the ways Berk writes seems entirely too well thought out and specifically chosen for that to make sense to me). This could be Berk just deciding the shift key was too heavy that day (which I would argue is in itself a choice that would carry through to your poems). This could have no greater meaning to it (press x to doubt).

But regardless of whether this was all intentional (and I very much would argue it is, at least subconsciously) the fact that Berk writes in this way provides more layers to gain from their poems.

In the case of their poem X. periods hold a significance whenever they choose to use them. They provide emphasis that might not have otherwise been given, they provide a dictation for how their poems might be read aloud, they provide another layer of meaning.

The same can be said for their lack of capitalization.

"One day, I will move on from my grief." is incredibly different from "one day, I will move on from my grief." The first case could be seen on a hallmark card honestly. It's not wrong, but I kind of immediately want to throw it away in annoyance at feeling misunderstood.

But in the second case?? You can literally feel the exhaustion.

This second line means something to me. This second line comes from someone who actually gets what it's like to grieve, who gets that to put it into polite terms, is really fucking hard.

When they throw away all grammar rules though???

Their poem XIII does this :

Tell me you didn't get to the end of that poem, and get knocked out of your chair. Look me in the eyes, and lie to me, because of course you're on the ground.

"You are not alone." hits you like a sledgehammer. Nothing else in that poem follows normal grammar. There is not a single other period or capitalized letter. So when you read that statement you can almost feel Berk trying to lovingly slam you with the idea of friendship and caring and sharing in pain together so that we are never alone again.

TLDR; Berk uses all available tools they have in the written form to knock you upside the head (/pos) with an emotion. Sometimes this is the words they choose to use, sometimes this is the way they fit those words together, and sometimes they make sentence structure their bitch in a way that I'm honestly in awe of.

As always, the source is always more interesting than anything I have to say, so if you haven't yet, go read Lazarus Rises(amongst other things) and follow them on their Tumblr @icaruspendragon because they write so many cool things beyond just their published book.

#analysis #brain rot #lazarus rises (amongst other things) #lazarus rises amongst other things #berk #berklie novak stolz #poetry analysis

[tandonshows]

in wild fan grows up to be a creator news, Apple Podcasts has linked You Are What You Love and Richard Speight Jr & Rob Benedict's Supernatural rewatch podcast. the algorithm can feel the superwholock seeping out of the RSS feed.

(In all reality, this is most likely because when asked the question "what piece of media influenced you the most?" two separate guests have responded with Supernatural, so we have about 3 hours worth of gushing about those Winchester boys, but it's still pretty wild. Rob's storyline as Chuck/God was one of the first big meta twists that wowed me and I'm always striving for those moments in my own writing).

You can listen to both of the supernatural episodes of You Are What You Love on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts here.

#supernatural #spn #spn family #supernatural podcast #you are what you love #richard speight jr #rob benedict #yawyl #yawyl podcast #fandom #lauren grace thompson #marissa tandon #berklie novak stolz #icaruspendragon #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural then and now

[high-quality-tiktoks]

what a whacky life i’m living

#video #tiktok #tiktoks #november 5 #november 5th #november fifth #book #books #poetry #lazarus rises amongst other things #berklie novak stolz #icaruspendragon

[aceing-on-the-cake]

quotes taken from Lazarus Rises (Among Other Things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon) and poems written by Cassemiah (@cassemiah)

#disowned #disowned by family #lazarus rises amongst other things #berklie novak-stolz #icaruspendragon

[wordsthatmattered]

9.11.2023

"I am empty in a way that exists outside the bounds of vacancy. In a way I have yet to find the words to describe."

- Lazarus Rises (amongst other things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz

Surviving through grief is something you can only fully learn by going through it yourself. Finding other sorrow-hearted sufferers healing through poetry has been a light of its own during times of need.

#Berklie Novak-Stolz #lazarus rises (amongst other things) #poetry #grief #books

[miss-ellie-logan]

The live show went really well today! I hope you enjoyed it if you tuned in.

My documentary is now live for you to hear!

Here it is on youtube: Link!

And here it is on spotify: Link!

I want to shout out everyone that took part and helped make my documentary work! It was a delight to complete, and I could not have done it without:

Maryam Matter - A neuroscience/mental health expert.

Karl Smallwood.

@icaruspendragon

#documentary #my work #parasocial relationships #mental health #my project #college work #karl smallwood #berklie novak-stolz #icaruspendragon

[daisytrails]

i just read lazarus rises (amongst other things) by berklie novak-stolz and i have some thoughts that need screamed into the void

there were 49 days between the end of berklie’s Before and the end of mine

for 49 days i watched. part of me wanted to look away as she sobbed but another part of me knew i couldn’t, knew i wouldn’t be able to no matter how much i wished i could let myself. because unlike berklie the end of my Before did not come as a shock. i knew it was coming and was helpless to prevent it all the same.

so i sat and i watched for 49 days all the while wondering how many more days it would be until i joined her in the After while still seeped in that hopeless denial of thinking that maybe just maybe i never would

it’s been 257 days since my After began and i held lazarus rising in my hands knowing, certain after all of that watching, that once i opened it, it would destroy me. break me down to my very core in a way that i had tried so hard to prevent, postponing it for as long as i could so i could keep on imagining that nothing was wrong surrounded by people who didn’t even know my After had begun.

i sat alone in my car and read it aloud. i needed to hear it spoken, needed the universe to hear me struggle to speak through my tears

there is a particular poem in the book about berklie’s 48th day. about how she was still waiting, 44 days after the original 4. something about knowing what happened on the next day keeps me coming back to it.

i was right about this book. it crushed me. pulled thoughts from my head even i had been afraid to look at and put it to words more eloquent and beautiful than i ever could have imagined

tears started falling without my permission halfway down the first page and didn’t not stop until long after i had closed the back cover.

and i will do it again, i know that. i will read and reread this book until it is cracked in the places where my hands have held it, stained with my salted tears on every page, my scribbled notes in the margins, and i will do so for the rest of my life.

and i hope she knows that in all that time i will be thinking:

if she can rise from that which is the grave but ultimately not her final resting place then maybe so can i

anyways, i think everyone should read this book

#berklie novak-stolz #lazarus rises (amongst other things) #icaruspendragon

[icaruspendragon]

my sleeve is the only home my heart knows.

-from Lazarus Rises (amongst other things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz

#lazarus rises (amongst other things) #poetry #icaruspendragon #cw grief #cw death

[wrenwinchester]

Poem three from Lazarus Rises (amongst other things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon)

These words have been stuck in my head the past couple days. And I hadn’t read this poem in a while. I keep the book on my nightstand, a comfort that it’s there, but most of the time it goes untouched, not because I don’t love it, I have it highlighted and marked up the wazoo. But it’s so much easier to spend my time scrolling than to do other things I really want to do.

But anyway, I’m getting off track. This poem came back to me a couple days ago when I reblogged the post about which person in tfw 2.0 would be most likely to keep a diary. (X) and I used Berks words specifically for my analysis on Dean, because they felt right. And since then these words have been floating around my brain.

I have so much to say, so much I want or need to say, but in order to do so, I would have to pry myself open, lay myself bare in front of the people I care about most. And that’s. One of if not the most scary things I can imagine. Because the fear of being rejected for opening up. For saying what I feel and being shut down or told I’m not important. Or being made to feel like I’m not important again.

Emotions are hard, and finding words to explain them is even harder for me. It should be easy to explain that I’m happy or sad or why I’m feeling how i am but they all just get stuck in my throat. Clinging to my teeth and cutting my gums and my tongue. Choking me and taking over every ounce of entire being and it’s killing me.

I can’t get the words out, and I can’t pry them from my teeth. And I don’t even know what I would say if I could. I don’t know the words hiding behind my teeth. Hidden away from the world, and if I started talking I wouldn’t be able to stop. But I can’t start.

#poems #poetry #icaruspendragon #lazarus rises (amongst other things) #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #emotional #feelings #poetry book #there’s something wrong with me

[falcqns]

the weight of the world (atlas abandoned his post)

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Lucy Chen & Tamara Colins & Tim Bradford

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Tamara has a nightmare after seeing her parents fight, and finds herself to be 5 years old again.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: childhood trauma, arguments, mentions of weapons, tamara feeling abandoned, death of a parent (NOT TIM OR LUCY), tamara is not moving out in my fics sorry, happy ending ish?? 

don’t forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

A/N: title is from Lazarus Rises (Amongst Other Things) By Berklie Novak-Stolz. I have not seen season 6 yet as its not available to stream in Canada yet so if there’s any errors please let me know, I’m writing this based off of tiktok clips lol. tagging @natashasera

Tamara rolls over in bed, hugging her big Godzilla squish mallow to her chest, tears falling down her cheeks. The same squish mallow that Tim had gotten her when Lucy had gone undercover to take down Frank Teska. 

“Just imagine Godzilla squashing all the bad guys in your dreams,” he’d said. “And if that doesn’t work, you can always call me.”

Tamara held back a sob. There was nothing more she wanted to do right now, than call Tim. She wanted to call him, have him take away her fears, and keep her safe. 

But how can he keep her safe from her fears when he himself is the reason for those fears? How can he keep her safe when he left her?

She had never seen Lucy so angry. Lucy hadn’t even been that angry when Tamara stole her car, and yet Tamara knew she was seeing true anger come from Lucy as she stood in the kitchen in Angela’s arms, covering her ears in an attempt to block out the yelling from her parents in the living room. 

She had felt 5 years old again, hiding in the closet, desperately trying to keep her distance from her parents who were fighting like they had never fought before. Fighting because her dad had found out her mom was having an affair with their dealer, who also happened to be her dad’s best friend. Suddenly, she felt like she was holding her breath, trying desperately not to scream as two gun shots rattled the tiny apartment, and she prayed she wasn’t his next victim.

Suddenly, the large bedroom felt suffocating, and Tamara couldn’t take it anymore.

Tamara sat up, still hugging Godzilla to her chest. She glanced beside her at the clock, which read 3:21 am. She grabbed her phone off the charger, before getting out of bed and walking out of her room. She walked across the living room as quietly as she could, and peeked into Lucy’s room, where Lucy was fast asleep on the bed, exhausted after the fight with Tim. So tired, that she hadn’t even taken off her shoes or gotten under the covers. 

Tamara put Godzilla down, and her phone on top, before making her way over to the bed. She gently took Lucy’s shoes off of her feet, and placed them beside her vanity. She then grabbed the throw blanket off of the arm chair in the corner, and draped it over her. She then pressed a gentle kiss to her head, trying not to wake her as she whispered. 

“I’ll be back in a bit, mom,” She said, her voice shaking as she said the word she’d been too scared to say out loud when Lucy was awake. 

She then grabbed her phone and stuffy, put her own shoes on, and grabbed her keys off of her hook. 

She needed to go see her safe space, even if he wasn’t so safe right now. 

The drive to Tims seemed to take forever, despite the roads being nearly empty. Her stomach churned and her mind worked a million miles a minute, unsure what she was going to say to Tim. Was she going to be nice? Was she going to yell? She went over what she wanted to say, but none of it felt right. Just as she pulled into his driveway, she decided to just wing it and do what comes natural. 

She slammed her car door shut a little harder than necessary, but it got the desired reaction when she saw the light in Tim’s bedroom turn on. She sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes as she walked up the path to the front door. She didn’t want to let him know she had been crying, but he was a police officer for gods sakes, he was going to notice no matter what. 

She knocked on the door quietly, knowing he was already awake and was probably about to look out through his living room room curtains to see who was at the door. She looked over to the curtains and fought back a smile when she saw his head poke out, and his eyes meet hers. His brow creased, and then curtains flipped back into their original position seconds before the front door opened, revealing Tim.

“Tamara?” Tim asked, in shock. “What are you doing here?” 

Tamara scoffed and pushed her way into the house. 

“I’m here because you once told me that when I had a nightmare, and Godzilla wasn’t able to squash the bad guys, I could come to you, so here I am!” She said, her voice rising in volume and shaking. 

Tim nodded. “Okay, okay,” he said, walking closer and opening his arms for her. “Come here, Bub.” Tamara fell into his arms and her tears immediately returned, beginning to soak Tim’s henley. “Shhhh,” he whispered into her hair as he rocked them back and forth. “Its going to be okay, you’re safe now.” 

Tamara shook her head and pulled away from Tim quickly. “No it’s not!” She said, getting more and more upset. Tim looked at her with a questioning look on her face, and Tamara wasted no time in blowing up at him. 

“How can it be fine when you’re the bad guy in the dream?” She screamed, the tears, anguish and anger she had been holding back since she had woken up from the nightmare exploding out of her. “How can I make Godzilla squish you when I’m hiding in the closet again, listening to the same argument you had just had, hearing Mom yell at you to stop, to put the gun down, that she’s sorry, only for you to not listen, when all I want is for you to stop yelling and to comfort me and to tell me that no matter what happens you’ll always be my dad?! How will it be fine? All mom was trying to do was help you, and you pushed her away! And you pushed me away! Why?” She screamed. 

“I wanted to help you too, to be there for you, and you wouldn’t even give me the chance! What did I do?” AS she finished yelling she fell to the ground, buried her face in her Godzilla, and cried. 

Cried out not only because o the nightmare, but because of everything. Because of Tim not letting Lucy in. Tim not letting her in. Them fighting, Lucy crying the entire way home, and Tamara being helpless as to what to do, because she had never seen her mom cry that hard. Wanting nothing more than for Tim to wrap her up in his arms and hold her like she’s his little girl and-

…oh.

Two strong arms surround Tamara and she feels herself being pulled up and into Tim’s arms. He’s whispering to her that he’s right there, that he’s got her, that she’s safe, that he loves her. 

“Its okay baby girl,” he whispered, rocking them back and forth. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his own voice shaking with emotion. “I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away, or Lucy.” 

Tamara choked out another sob, followed by the word “Why?” 

“I-I thought I was protecting you by pushing you two away.” He explained as he began to rub her back. “I thought I was keeping you safe, but obviously I was wrong since Ray found you two.” He squeezed her close. “I wont make that mistake again. Okay? I promise.” 

“D-Don’t leave me,” Tamara whimpered. “Please, daddy.” 

Tim squeezed her even tighter. “Never. Never again.”

#natashasera #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #tamara colins #tim bradford x lucy chen

[the-likesofus]

Lazarus Rises (amongst other things)

by Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon)

#OMG IT FINALLY ARRIVED #gonna sob my way through my Saturday for sure #meegs says stuff #poetry #lazarus rises (amongst other things)

[berk-brain-rot]

I Love You Goodbye Destiel Wallpaper

Made a phone wallpaper for myself and figured I'd post it so that others can use it if they want.

Enjoy, reblogs are appreciated if you save but not required, I am truly just a feral raccoon doing things to appease the insanity in my brain about these poems

#destiel #spn 15x18 #lazarus rises (amongst other things) #lazarus rises amongst other things #berk #berklie novak stolz #i love you goodbye #poetry edit #poetry #berk edit

[tandonshows]

Today is a very special episode of You Are What You Love! Host Marissa Tandon, talks about her own relationship with media and fandom, and how that relationship (especially with fan fiction) gave her the tools to become a writer herself. We're sharing the first episode of That Vampire Show on the feed, as the making of TVS was a big part of You Are What You Love coming together.

If you haven't listened to That Vampire Show yet, it's a fiction podcast that explores fandom and mainstream media's relationship with it. Kat Wright, a high school senior and fan fiction writer, wins a contest for her favorite TV show, Bloodlines. What she doesn't know is that the show's creator, Warren Young, has chosen her story because he hates the way the fandom perceives the villain of the show, Luther -- Kat's favorite character. She wins a trip to set, and her meeting with Warren derails her senior year, and changes the course of Bloodlines forever.

Some of the cast and crew of That Vampire Show has been featured on You Are What You Love's first season. Each episode, guests talk about the piece of media that changed them most as a person.

Lauren Grace Thompson, the voice of Kat Wright, talked about Supernatural, how the Winchester brothers helped her and Marissa process teenage girlhood, growing up in the superwholock generation, and how fandom has changed for the good and the bad as TV consumption has.

Gabriel Urbina, one of the writers on Season 1, talked about Buffy The Vampire Slayer, what to do when a creator lets you down, and what it was like to be the only fan of Buffy in his town growing up.

Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon), a new writer on Season 2, talked about Supernatural, how she wants to make everyone feel safe and seen through fandom, and how media can save us from grief and personal tragedy.

And Torian Brackett, voice of Freddy Graves / Callum Rainier, talked about Dungeons and Dragons, how the game helped him find community and healing during quarantine and life changes, and how the game has helped him with his voice acting work.

We hope you enjoy getting to know the people behind That Vampire Show in the best way we think you can: through the media that makes them up.

#You are what you love #gabriel urbina #lauren grace thompson #marissa tandon #berklie novak stolz #icaruspendragon #torian brackett #dungeons & dragons #d&D #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #the winchester brothers #the winchesters #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #tandon shows #tandon productions #that vampire show #tvs podcast #podcast #fandom #fandom podcast #writing #writer #fan fiction #ao3 #wattpad #teen wolf #Spotify

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Quotes from Lazarus Rises (amongst other things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon)

#my two biggest hyperfixations #destiel #destiel edit #destiel photos #lazarus rising #lazarus rises amongst other things #lazarus rises (amongst other things)

[visceravalentines]

I have so many questions about your job, it seems very interesting. Can you talk about what it entails? See, my grandma had a flower shop I would work at and we specialized in floral arrangements for funerals. While I was allowed to watch the ceremonies, I knew not to ask questions or talk even though I was intrigued about the rest of the people working there to make things go smoothly. Also, if you have any books on becoming a mortician or anything related to your field that you'd like to recommend, I'm always expanding my reading list!

great question, and mad respect for you and your grandma!! doing flowers for a funeral can be high stress with the fast turnaround. i talked a little bit about my day-to-day here, but here's a few things we do that people don't realize!

we file the death certificate. we often officiate funerals or dedicate graves if the family is shy. we pallbear for those who don't have any or enough able-bodied family members or friends to do so. we get flags for veterans (from the post office!). we book flights for decedents whose final resting place is elsewhere! we shave your face, male or female (gotta get rid of that peach fuzz for the cosmetics). we submit obituaries to the newspaper. we go through the drive-thru with a body in the back sometimes, but only when you absolutely have to bc you're not gonna get another chance to eat that day. we clean up all the used tissues you leave under the pew. we wash all the hearses and limos and vans. we make the bed after we pick up your grandma. we read the obituary and try to remember everyone's names and hope and pray we didn't forget anything because we really, really want everything to go well for you. we talk to your loved one and tell them we're sorry and tell them we're trying and tell them how much you miss them. we really care a lot, most of us.

i really enjoyed From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty for how broad its scope of funeral practice is! i also really love Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach, which is exactly what it sounds like. both of those are pretty entry-level for people interested in death or death work. two less exciting but very good books about death and grief are A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, his musings on the death of his wife, and Lazarus Rises (Amongst Other Things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz, a poetry collection written after her brother's suicide. grief is something people by and large do not recognize or experience until it hits them like a meteor, and it is a part of my job that is very near and dear to my heart and often very difficult and taxing. i highly recommend learning even a little bit about it before it becomes necessary to experience firsthand.

#asks #styxx-inferno #tw suicide #tysm for the questions!! <3

[miss-ellie-logan]

I sat with writer Berklie Novak-Stolz (@icaruspendragon) to discuss celebrity fandom and the benefits that parasocial relationships can have (as there are quite a few, I have found).  

This is the part of our conversation wherein I asked them the most obvious question on the face of the planet (how she became a fan of Misha Collins).  

#my work #my project #documentary #miss ellie logan #parasocial relationships #misha collins #icaruspendragon #supernatural #mental health