on my knees begging people to curate their online experiences instead of making it everyone else’s problem
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*Tap mic*
Yes, it is I - your poor little Dollya
As some of you may have known already because of my constant whining and bickering for the past few days, my original blog was flagged and I'm trying to appeal. Things seem to not be on my side, though, so I figured a new blog is a must.
I won't delete the og blog, there are too many things going on over there and I simply can not. All my contributions to the DoL fandom, my AU and asks and stuffs,... have all been hidden away from the tags.
Not gonna lie I was terribly discouraged and couldn't pick up a pen to draw or do anything for several days. Terrible, just simply terrible, to look at the ask box or that stupid default avatar icon... But, well, you know, it is what it is, no point just weeping around so might as well make a new place to post stuffs!
This is a sub-blog with the same email address as the flagged one, I think I would still use the same tags as the original flagged blog: Dollya art, Dollya ask,... and I won't repost my higher interaction posts here either, that's just bitter.
I will post more "community-friendly" kinds of stuff here, so spicier asks or requests oughta go to the original blog' ask box... I don't really know, I guess things will kinda fall into the right places after some time... What do you call it? Settle down?
Anyway, I'll try to be positive. After all, the Pandora box was opened, so if I don't hold onto the tiny hope left behind, I will have nothing.
Let's just hope for the best.
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listen. i love el and i think she's a fascinating character. we all know this. i am very clear about this. but like. it really is SO crazy how she really came in and, like... fucked will's life up so fucking bad lmao. i know that it wasn't her fault, and i'm not saying it is, but that's just... such an excruciating writing choice.
it was a choice to have her be the one that opened the gate & essentially sliced will's life into an ugly before and after. it was a choice to have her replace him as mike's number one as soon as she came back into their lives. it was a choice to make her the party's mage and then "change" will from being their wizard to their cleric. it was a choice to make her his sister. it was a choice to purposely have her wear his clothes and have the same bangs. it was a choice to have her ignore him on mike's first day in lenora, despite the fact that he was mike's friend, too, and first. it was a choice to make her oblivious to his feelings.
it was a choice to make them love and genuinely care about each other. it was a choice to make her feel like a monster for everything that'd happened and kept happening. it was a choice to make will not resent her. it was a choice to make him support her enough that he's willing to uphold her lies to mike (!!!) of all people with his inaction.
it was a choice to have him spill his heart out to mike and gift him his painting all in her name. to have him be the one to unknowingly make mike finally say "i love you" to her in response to his confession. to have him realize too late that he's been needlessly pushing mike towards her this whole time.
it was a choice to place will right beside mike, his first ever friend and keeper of his heart, when he told el that his life started just as will's ended.
it was... a bold fucking choice to replace will with el in mike's eyes due to outside influence. it throws them into chaos and disarray because el and will are not interchangeable, and it shows in how...
mike seeks from el everything that will already gives him.
mike readily gives will everything that el begs him for.
el cannot read or understand mike in the innate, wordless, and familiar way that will does.
mike cannot be vulnerable with el, but he opens up to will without even needing to be asked.
mike always heeds, trusts, and listens to will, even when they're arguing or going through a rough patch.
mike always knows just how to mend things with will, because he knows exactly what he needs and he doesn't ever hesitate to do and give it. nor does he need anyone to help him with their conflicts either. he just knows.
el is always left waiting for him to do things for her that he's currently doing for will.
will visibly hates and feels uncomfortable lying to mike, but el can do it consistently with ease.
will is the one that loves mike how he truly wants (and needs) to be loved.
will hasn't been able to move on in full, because he was cast out of his own story and demoted to a supporting role behind the new lead.
el hasn't been able to find out who she really is, because she's been thrust into roles that were never meant for her to begin with. she has always been contorted into the shape of whatever others need or want her to be, but they don't fit because they aren't her.
and, like... there are so many things in this story, which is to say the show as a whole, that would not have happened had the men in el's life not done that. had they allowed her to just be, it's highly likely that the dominoes would've never fallen the way they have.
thankfully, the narrative is set up in such a way that it appears this disorder will rectify itself, but it's still so... upsetting to think about lol.
it all boils down to choices: who gets to make them, what choices they have, why they made those choices, and what happens after. that's all the show is: a series of choices, or a lack thereof, and their consequences with some monster mumbo-jumbo sprinkled on top.
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