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#bottles it up somehow that he doesnt remember how exactly it happened until he's way older
turrondeluxe · 2 years
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I was just thinking of a scenario where Wildbreak was old enough to remember his sire’s disappearance/death and now I’m sad so you all have to be sad with me
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Dragging y'all down with me
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handonshipper · 4 years
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A Twist Through Time: Chapter One
Hope was usually a great fighter. An excellent fighter even. However, when it is her friend that is attacking her, she does not fight back as strongly. She doesnt use her strength. Which was why she lost the magic battle against Josie in which the dark witch used a spell the tribrid didnt recognize. Hope collapsed , feeling her energy leave her. When her eyes opened, she was in a bed. In a one room apartment thing. She blinked in surprise and confusion and slowly pushed herself up into a seated position.
Klaus Mikaelson walked closer to the door of Stefan Salvatore’s apartment with Stefan himself by his side after a long night at the bar. He sighed contently. “Can’t you hear that?” He smirked looking over at his old friend. “It is the sound of Rebekah not annoying us to death.” He said clearly happy his sister had stayed behind last night, doing more shopping no doubt. Truthfully he didn’t care, so long as she stayed away for most part. He was beginning to wonder why he chose to undagger her in the first place. “I never did understand what you saw in her.” He chuckled softly. “Then again, I suppose I wouldn’t. Seeing as though she is my sister.”
PMStefan chuckled a little at that. "No, I suppose you wouldnt." He said, thinking back to the memories he now had of a time he had thought he had mostly blacked out. He stopped as he reached the door and heard someone on the other side. "Do you hear that?" He questioned. He knew it wouldnt be Elena since that was earlier and he had scared her away. Finally convinced her that he didnt want her. Enough at least to keep her away.
Klaus frowned as he too suddenly heard the sound of someone inside the small apartment. He signaled for Stefan to be quiet for a moment and only after a few seconds, he forced the door open with no warning whatsoever. His focused and only slightly concerned expression soon changed into a smug one as he caught sight of a girl on Stefan’s bed. “Stefan.” He playfully scolded. “Poor girl. She must have been waiting here all night for you.” He chuckled. “Apologies. My friend here apparently does not remember when he schedules time with women. He’s charming like that.” He snorted looking the girl over a little. She did look a little bit younger than the girls his friend normally pursued. But he supposed he couldn’t really judge.
Hope inhaled sharply and froze at the sight of her father. She barely even heard the words that came out of his mouth. Her mind was turning on what could possibly have happened. How was he standing here right now in front of her? How did he not recognize her. Then she recognized Stefan. Two people who were dead.
"I've never seen her before in my life" Stefan said, defensive and concerned about the girl. He wanted to find out how he could help her. But he was ripper Stefan right now. Not good Stefan. "What's your name?"
"Hope" Hope said after a moment. "My name is Hope"
Klaus glanced over at Stefan curiously when he said he hadn’t ever seen the girl before. “Well she is in your apartment. And the door was not forced open...at least not prior to my doing.” He pointed out and then focused on the young girl who was apparently named Hope. Quite an unusual name. Not to mention she looked as though she had seen a ghost. “What are you doing here then? What do you want?” He asked taking a small step towards her. Although he didn’t appear menacing quite yet, it was clear the playfulness was gone from his eyes and was instead replaced with caution and hostility.
"I... I dont know what I'm doing here" Hope said finally. "I woke up on the bed, but I certainly did not fall asleep on it"
Klaus raised an eyebrow at her words, clearly not believing her in the slightest. “Right. You were randomly transported to an apartment.” He stated sarcastically. “Let me ask you again. What are you doing here, and what are you after? They are truly simple questions.” He smirked stepping closer to her.
"I dont know what I'm doing here. All I know is I was blasted with a spell I have never heard of and now I'm here" Hope said firmly, looking at him. She could let her pain and confusion hit her later. "And I'm not up to anything. You'd think I have some diabolical reason for being in his apartment?" She raised an eyebrow. "There isnt even much in here. What could I possibly be up to?"
Klaus frowned and crossed his arms as he listened to the girl. He definitely didn’t like her attitude. She sounded entitled and worst of all, she didn’t seem scared of him. Something that didn’t sit well with him in the slightest. “Spell. Alright, let’s say I am considering that insane explanation. Who cast the spell?” He questioned looking at her. “And more importantly, why? Surely you must have done something. Witches do not normally spell others for no reason, even as obnoxious as they are.”
"I was trying to get my friend back. Dark magic and her insecurities were controlling her" Hope replied. "As for who casted the spell, that isnt important" she said.
“Hm. Let’s see. You claim to have been blasted here with a spell. You look properly upset about it. Yet when I ask you to tell me the name of the witch who casted such spell, you claim it isn’t important.” Klaus said slowly. “Suspicious don’t you think?” He smirked and then glanced over at Stefan.
"Less about its importance and more about I dont want you to know about her." Hope said with a sigh
"You want to protect your friend." Stefan observed, watching her. "Even if she hit you with the spell that brought you here"
Hope nodded, her blue eyes lowering a little as she thought about her friend. About everyone really. It was true even if it wasnt exactly true. It seemed she was in the past somehow. But how far back?
Klaus frowned, now having realized that as well. Not that he truly cared. Unless she was there to plan anything against him, which he could tell she wasn’t. There was something going on, but it wasn’t anything he should be worried about. “Right. Well if you are through being transported to places, the door is right through there.” He said dismissively as he gestured towards Stefan’s apartment door.
Hope's heart ached at that. It felt as though she was being disowned, but that was ridiculous. He didnt even know who she was. Which hurt even worse. "Where am I anyways?" She wanted to ask the year.
But she didnt want him to look at her with even more confusion.
“Chicago.” Klaus answered observing her carefully. He could tell there were things on her mind, but he didn’t care enough to ask. “What was the last place you were in before?” Maybe he could get a car for her and she could be on her way.
Hope sighed and frowned a little at that. "I was in Virginia. But going there wouldnt change anything. I'm all alone now" She checked her pockets. "And cashless" she said, sighing. "Whatever. I'll figure something out"
Klaus rolled his eyes, the girl’s problems not affecting him in the slightest. He did have bigger things to worry about after all. Which is why he wanted to get rid of her as quickly as possible. “Here.” He said as he pulled out a couple hundred dollar bills from his wallet and held them out for her. “Now you have zero excuses in leaving my friend’s apartment.” He said with a sarcastic smile present on his lips.
Hope hesitated and took them. "Thank you" she said softly. She lowered her gaze a little and headed out of the apartment.
Once she was far enough away, her wall crumbled. She leaned on the wall in an alley, tears starting to spill. Her heart pounded a little as she struggled to breath. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly, struggling to collect herself. She could handle this. She was a Mikaelson witch. She was a tribrid. And despite all she had endured, she could continue fighting. She would find a way back to Landon. No matter how much she wanted to see her dad again. To see her mom. To change the future. If she changed the future even the slightest, things could change, and she might not even be born. But how could she do this alone? She had no spellbooks. No friends. No family. Was it not bad enough that she had to endure her friends and the boy she loved forgetting her whole existence? Now she had to deal with her father alive, in front of her, and looking at her like she was a stranger?
Stefan watched her leave curiously. "Did it seem like she recognized us?" He asked Klaus as he walked further inside and opened the secret door bookshelf. He added the name of a victim to the very long list from the 20s and then grabbed a bottle of Klaus' favorite drink before walking back over to him.
Klaus frowned at Stefan’s words, his gaze remaining on the empty space the girl had been standing in moments ago. “Slightly. I noticed it too. Though if she wanted revenge for something you or I did in our time here, she has a very poor way of executing it.” He chuckled softly. “Either way I’m not concerned. She looked more lost rather than angry. And regardless, I doubt a fifteen year old girl is any match for the legendary original hybrid and the ripper of Monterey.” He smirked."Oh I'm not concerned either. It was merely an observation. Look what I found" Stefan said, passing him the bottle, label side up.
Klaus grinned at the sight of the bottle of his favorite drink. He took it inhis hands and looked it over. “My. I haven’t seen one of these in a long time. Unfortunately it will have to wait. Possibility until we have something worth drinking to.” He sighed and carefully set it down, his mind now going to all his failed hybrids. “Come. We should see if the witch has made any progress.”
Stefan nodded slightly, knowing it was better not to argue. He needed Klaus to see he was on his side. Not to figure out that he wasnt. He glanced back around at the old apartment and memories before heading out.
Hope took a deep breath, thinking. She went and bought a cheap sketchbook, knowing drawing would help keep her control a little. And she bought cheap pencils. She would prefer better supplies, but she needed to save as much money as she could. Especially since she wasnt sure where she was going to go or how to get home.
Klaus headed out of the apartment as well. He hoped there was some type of solution already. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. He finally broke his curse, only to not be able to make more of his kind. “I swear I am going to kill this witch if she still does not have anything.” He muttered.
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bittysvalentines · 4 years
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A year with you
From: @hockeysometimes
To: @motoroilfanta 
Summary: 5 times holster and ransom kissed and the first time it meant something.
Rating: M [language, moderate drinking mention, vague reference to sex]
Hi!! i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. i love these boys so much! happy valentines!!
December 31st 2015
The bass of some remix of The Weeknd  was way too loud in Holsters ears as he walks past the swish stereo system that the hotel had set up for the New Years party they were putting on. It was packed, not a single person was sitting down, everyone was up on the make-shift  dance floor in the ballroom . He was significantly more sober than he would like to be since he was still underage until later in the New Year and you can only pre game so much from the lousy bits of booze they had left over from the pre christmas break kegster.
 A hotel was not where Holster was expecting to be for New Years Eve but when the team made it into a new year’s day tournament he had to head back to Samwell early from christmas break on the 27th to get some practice in. For him it’s not as bad because at least he’s in the states but Ransom had to fly back from Toronto on Boxing Day and showed up to the Haus alone and turn the heat  back on for everyone else coming the next day.
 Rans who he was looking for in the sea of party goers, he had been wheeling some girl the last time he saw him but had left to try and swipe some more booze and now he has a full  plastic champagne glass that he’s trying to remember to not crush in his kind of clumsy hands. He’s trying to scrunch his glasses up his nose when he feels a hand on his back and a voice yelling in his ear. 
“Bro! There you are!” It was Ransom, Holster turned around and there were Rans, without the girl he was wheeling. 
“I was trying to find you and uh what was’er name? Alicia? Thought i was going to be booted from the room” He says and Rans starts shaking his head.
“Nah bro turns out she’s totally cuffed anyways, any luck finding that midnight kiss?” Ransom chides, eyebrows raised in a chirp. They had both been trying to find someone to kiss at midnight, because like how lame would it be to not have someone, but from their excellent wing men routine, everyone there was either hooking up with someone else there, part of SMH or married couples and then there was them.
Holster snorts a laugh and takes a sip of the champagne in his hands, feeling the bubbles burn down his throat. Ransom takes that as a no and they check their watches almost in sync. 11:55pm, no way either of them were going to find someone in under 5 minutes. Holster cant lie, he’s almost glad neither of them found someone, it pleases the part of his brain that he doesnt think about; the part that wants Ransom a little more than a guy should want his D-partner/ Co-Captain. 
He’s resolved himself to not kissing anyone at this point and he’s kind of lost in the sauce of it all when something Ransom says yanks him out of his head like he’s just been checked into the boards . 
“....kissed each other” is all holster hears over the ringing in his ears, completely sure he hadn’t heard him right. 
“Bro, what? I couldnt hear you over the music” He says and he’s trying to sound chill but if he heard right, he heard,
“What if we just kissed each other?” Ransom says like it’s really no big deal, sure both of them have openly hooked up with dudes before and that’s not the problem, holster is secure in his bisexuality but outside of some cuddling and bed sharing at roadies,,, they’ve never actually kissed before.
Holster takes a second but the chants of the countdown to midnight had started and he’s sweating and kind of nervous and he’s not sure what to say except when the chants hit two he grabs Ransoms face and plants a kiss on him as everyone around them cheers for the New Year. It’s soft and fast and just long enough for Holster to taste the cherry schnapps that Ransom pregamed with still on his lips. It's too much and not enough as they part and Holster pours the champagne left in his glass down his throat.
                                     February 13th 2016
The NYE kiss gets swept under the rug and never talked about again. They went back to their room and Holster fully expected to have some heart moving conversation but Ransom got ready and went to bed like they usually would. Holster hasn’t thought about the kiss. Not at all, ever. He hasn’t thought about how badly he wants it to happen again and how much he liked the feeling of it. Never had he thought of that. If it was any other guy, he totally would of but,, this is Ransom. He can’t pine for him, it just, it doesn’t work. They’re bros, that’s it.
 And now, it’s the day before Valentines day and he had somehow been talked into the idea of dressing up like cupid by said bro. 
Holster adjusts the strap of his repurposed toga from their last greek party and turns in the mirror to check out the red angel wings. He was in the bathroom for a quiet moment, the music was way too sensual for someone who was as alone as him and he was having zero luck with the ladies that night, or really anyone for that matter. He totally fizzed out of a conversation with one of the soccer players who he’s hooked up with before and lost his chance there. 
He hasn’t actually hooked up in a Long Time; at least way before he kissed Rans. He tries to tell himself that he’s just off his game, and everyones settled up for Valentines anyways, [not that he’s in love with Ransom ,that’s ridiculous] 
He leaves the bathroom and heads back into the party, searching the crowd once again for his wingman. He swings by the kitchen for some cinnamon heart infused tub juice that was going down way easier than it should. 
He takes his solo cup and heads up the stairs to see if maybe Rans was hiding up there, he does that sometimes. He peeks his head into Chow’s room since the door was open and finds a group of people sitting on the floor- one toga’d Ransom included. Holster shrugs and steps in to, slipping around to the opposite of the circle than Ransom, who grins when he sees him. Holster takes in the empty beer bottle in the middle of the floor and everyone gathered around it and has high school flashbacks. 
“Are you guys seriously playing spin the bottle?” he manages to spit out before doubling over in laughter, nearly sloshing his drink out of the cup. 
“Holtzy! This is a serious game of nostaliga, shut up sit down and spin the motha fuckin bottle bro,” Ransom says and of course Holster sits down, carful of his toga skirt and with a grieving sigh, spins the bottle, praying it doesnt land on Chowder. In his blind panic of potentially kissing chow, it doesn't hit him that he could also kiss Ransom again but that’s a 1 in 9 chance, 11.1111% probability his econ brain manages to tell him. Probability is not in his favour as the bottle finishes it spin and lands, very definitely in front of Ransom. There’s an awkward pause in the room and Chowder speaks up.
“You guys don’t have to-” it's almost too little too late as Holster folds onto his hands and knees over the bottle and sloppily kisses Ransom, pushing his mouth against the  soft pouty lips he’s thought about everyday since the last time they kissed. It’s entirely too short for Holster, as they pull away and he sits back down, flattening his cupid costume out. 
“That’s how you do it folks,” 
March 26th 2016
“Alexei Fucking Mashkov is downstairs in Our Haus Holtzy.”  Ransom says, full fetal position on the floor, Holster is trying his damn best to be the comforting best friend he always is when Rans is going through it but,, his own feelings about the situation may be clouding over his want to help.
 It’s Easter or Keagster weekend on top of Ransoms 21st birthday the next day, but Haus rules say no parties on a holy sunday or some shit so they’re celebrating early, or they should be but instead, Holster is sat with his BLL on the floor trying to rub Ransoms back as he has a level 10 freak out about the fact that Jack brought along his ultimate man crush to the party. 
Holsters only a little jealous, he totally doesn't think about how he Knows that Rans has gotten off thinking about Tater before and has talked in detail about how he would totally go for it if it were available to him. Nope, Holster doesnt think about it.
“I know bro, i was in the kitchen when he got here. It’s like fine, he’s a really lowkey dude.” Holster tries to reason, trying his best to just be there and not be a total ass. He takes a sip of his drink, “Just come down stairs and we can play some pong and get you laid for your birthday,” He continues, his stomach twisting a little as he says the last part. 
Ransom sort of uncoils and stretches out, propping himself up on one hand, thinking, Holster can see he’s starting to come down a little bit. “Getting laid would be pretty nice,” Rans says, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Holster has to stop himself from rolling his eyes and instead snorts out some kind of laugh.
“Ch’eah exactly, but you aren’t going to catch anyone up in your room avoiding everyone.” Holster says, he stands up, taking his drink with him and offering Rans a hand up, which he takes. 
They’re face to face when he stands up and Holster grins, looking at the face he knows so well. Smooth skin and lines where dimples sit. 
“Not to get soft on you but, thanks Holtzy, don't know what i’d do without you.” Rans says and leans forwards presses the most confusing and gentle kiss on Holsters cheek before continuing out the room with a holler of “BIRTHDAY BOY INCOMING” down the attic stairs, leaving Holster frozen in his spot, clutching his beer and trying to understand what the fuck just happened 
 October 31st 2016
Once again in costume, this time too tight spandex of a Superman costume that was definitely in a size too small,Holster sighs as he watches Ransom try to pick up a guy dressed  likePoe from Star Wars. This halloween party at the bar in Boston they frequented since grad was both the best and worst thing to happen to Holster. 
The pros were he got to see Ransom dressed up as Batman and that shit is a sight. The black spandex hugs everywhere just so and it’s all Holster has to not… stare or look too long. Over the summer of graduating and moving in with Ransom, Holster may have come to  a realization with his feelings. 
The cons were, He was, without a doubt, in love with Rans and it kind of killed him. He knew they’d never really be more than bros, even when Rans would come into his room across the hall at night cause he couldn’t sleep without him or when Rans would take pieces of his clothes just to have. It was all too close to coupley for him, and then the matching costumes that Ransom had picked up for them for this party. And now he has to stand and watch him pull out all the stops for this gorgeous oscar isaac wannabe asshole stealing all of Ransoms attention. He stands  against the bar and kind of hangs out, just vibing to the music and finishes his drink and decides to see how Ransom was doing, they had moved a little further closer to the dance floor since he last looked.
“Oh! Bro, there you are” Ransom says upon catching sight of him, Holster nods and keeps a tight smile as he looks over Poe maybe a little more judgey than he wants to be. “This is Evan! He works for the Bruins, we’ve been talking about last years ‘yoffs,” He yells and Holster shakes his hand. They’ve been talking about.. Hockey? The guys been giving Ransom ‘Fuck Me’ eyes for the past twenty minutes, and theyve been talking about hockey
“Adam,nice to meet you!” Holster says, fully  fucking confused. The three of them talk for a bit just about the teams until Evan offers to get drink refills and heads back to the bar and the two of them are left alone. 
“So are you getting some of that galactic ass?” He chirps and Ransom rolls his eyes.
“That was a bad joke and you know it bro and oh no i'm pretty sure he’s straight, besides i'm not gonna pick up cause im with you? Be kind of a douche move.” Ransom explains and Holster snorts.
“Bro, he’s totally into you, trust me. You’re looking like a whole snack tonight.” He says and he’s teetering un bro like compliments but he’s a little drunk and doesn't care at this point. Shoot your shot 2k16.
“A whole snack!” Ransom laughs and then pauses. “You think so?” He kind of flexes and the spandex contracts in a kind of beautiful way and holsters brain has to fire on all cylinders to not say something stupid and horny. 
“Dude i know so,” He pauses and then grabs Ransoms face, half covered by a batman mask and gives him a peck of a kiss before stepping back. “I think i'm gonna uber home but, be safe and just let me know when you get in.” Holster says and Ransom is kind of unreadable but he nods and Holster disappears into the crowd without another word. 
Ransom doesn’t bring anyone home and crawls into Holsters bed at 3 am, way drunker than he was when Holster left him and mumbling something Holster couldn’t entirely make out .
December 22nd 2016
They were late to the Christmas get together for SMH  and for once it wasn’t Holsters fault. 
Following his exit on halloween and Ransom passing out, koaled around him when he got home, things were a little weird. They were still their normal dynamic but something had shifted, there was something un-said between them that Holster couldn’t place. Of course other than his own unrequited feelings which were boiling to a  fever pitch as they worked together and things got more and more awkward. Ransom hadn’t brought anyone home since that night either, and was climbing into Holsters bed more and more often
. Holster was kind of moody and didn’t want to parade around at the SMH party like everything was okay and Ransom could tell. They were a silent block out from the venue and Ransom stops. 
“Adam, I think we need to talk.” Ransom says and Holsters stomach feels like it drops out of his body. Adam? Adam? He hasn’t been real named by Ransom in, Years.
“Oh, okay, is uh everything okay?” Holster asks and he can feel his hands start to sweat in his pockets. 
Ransom won't look at him and it makes him feel, Horrible. “I don’t know, maybe i'm reading too far into things but are you angry at me?” He asks and Holster frowns but shakes his head  ‘no’. 
“Rans, why would you think i was mad at you?” He asks and Ransom continues to not look at him. 
“Things have been, so weird lately and it’s so hard to read you and-” Holster acts before the thinks and cuts him off, with the most bruising kiss. He kisses him and Ransom takes a minute but he kisses him back and they’re kissing under the garland decorating the streets and Ransoms hands are holding his face and they’re so close. 
“I love you Justin. I’ve been in love with you since last new years and it’s been so much for me to contain. I’m sorry for seeming like I was angry.” He says and the emotion is making tears run to his eyes. He’s always been more sensitive.
Ransom is quiet for a second and the smallest smile comes to his face, “Bro, only last new years? I’ve been in love with you since I  met you, it’s always been you.”
Holster wraps his arms all tight around Ransom and cant help the squeeze he gives him.
They carry on eventually and both decide that a very long conversation was due but the group chat blowing up about them delaying festivities was getting unbearable.
1
December 31st 2016
The bass of Closer by Halsey and The Chainsmokers pulses loud through the speaker of the New Years Party one of Holsters coworkers was throwing. Once again searching the crowd for Ransom, but this time with champagne flutes for both of them. The clock was nearly at midnight.
“Holtzy! Babe over here,” he hears and swings his head to the left, Ransom was standing by himself closer to the outskirts of the party. He had been talking to Holsters friend Jermey and his wife Lilly. 
He passes one of the flutes to Ransom and smiles, sneaking a peak at his watch. 11:59pm.  He gets closer to him, tucking themselves into the wall space as the crowd gets louder in chanting the countdown.
There was no need to search for that midnight kiss, it was standing in front of him, like it always had been. 
10...9...8..7… he leans in closer to Ransom, ghosting his lips over the jaw and cheeks and nose he’s gotten to love up front in the past two weeks...6...5...4...3...2...1 and they kiss and it’s like the first time again, cherry schnapps and all.
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jungshookz · 5 years
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You know what would be great???? Culinary student! Jin and a hopeless y/n who eats ramen out of coffee pots and eats cool whip straight out of the can. Also ily and I hope you know that
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→ pairing: kim seokjin x reader
→ genre: what a surprise it’s bratty!y/n, culinarystudent!jin and his fancy pasta, humour, a touch of nsfw because i’m obsessed with jin’s broAd shoulders it’s almost ridiculous
→ wordcount: 3.4k
→ note: i hope i did ur request justice also i love u more :~)))
(gif isn’t mine!) ((also i was going to use a gif of him actually cooking but tumblr refusEd to accept it so i’m sorry)) 
listen
being completely honest
jin thinks you’re really cute
like SUPER cute
like he’s really REALLy frickin attracted to you because you’re just so??? yOU and somehow it works and it gets his gears GRINDING okay
you were the one who moved in right next door and you greeted him with a friendly smile and a ‘here, i baked cookies!’ and of course he accepted the cookie because he’s not a complete monster
but good GOD
that cookie was awful
and to be fair he’s a culinary student so it makes sense that he has high standards but even a fOOL would know that your cookies were god-awful
before you got the chance to distribute your nasty cookies out to the rest of the people on your floor jin was like hEY hEY how about you give me.,.,,. all of your cookies,.,.. because i,.,. really like them.,.,., and.,., i want to eat.,.,. all of them.,., thank u., yes,.
anyways
you’ve known each other for almost eight months?
and nothing has happened because let’s be real
you’re both wussies
and no one’s admitting anything to anyone so you’re kind of in this flirty-friendly space and you’re both FULLY aware that there’s like.,.,. a sprinkle of flirting going on.,,
but you know what
that’s beside the point
he doesn’t even know why he’s thinking about his undeniable crusH on you
because right now all jin can focus on is the fact that you’re eating ramen out of a coffee pot
let him repeat himself
you’re eating ramen
out of a
a COFFEE pot
you’re in the middle of rambling to him about your day and he’s trying to pay attention to what you’re saying but he wants to scream every time to pause to sluRP out of the coffee pot
laundry room gossip is a pretty normal thing for you two
you’re both so busy during the day
you with your classes and jin with his culinary classes
so once or twice a week you’ll both coordinate a time to come down and do your laundry together (you guys usually shove all your clothes in together because u end up saving some $$ too) and you’ll both end up sitting there for a couple hours just talking to each other while waiting for your clothes
jin raises a brow before pressing his lips together
his mother raised him not to be judgemental but COME ON
RAMEN
out of a COFEE POT??????
out of all the things he’s seen you done this has to be the absolute worst
here are a couple of examples as to what monstrosities you’ve exposed him to:
a cold pizza sandwich (two slices of cold pizza with a drizzle of ranch and crunched up cheetos as the filling)
cereal eaten out of the baG ITSELF (u poured the milk in and everything)
chicken pancakes?? aka shredded deep fried chicken and shredded cheese mixed inTO pancake batter and panfried and then topped with a dollop of sour cream and a sprinkle of green onions
one time you made scrambled eggs in a mug and dat shit looked nasty
but this
this doesn’t even make sense
disrespecting what looks like a pretty high-quality coffee pot (he remembers you got it for christmas or something) by using it as a holder for $1 ramen
it’s probably going to stink up the coffee pot and every time you make coffee it’s always going to have that faint aftertaste of chicken broth
a shudder goes down his spine and he winces
you perk up when the drying machine suddenly beeps and stops rumbling “god finaLLy”
jin keeps his eyes glued on the damn coffee pot as you set it down next to your basket and go to retrieve your freshly-dried clothes
you bend down and pop open the dryer and the loud hiss makes jin look over
“jin?” he glances away quickly and looks up at the ceiling as a poor attempt to conceal the fact that he was totally just checking u out just now
“hm, what?” he clears his throat
“aren’t you going to come and get your clothes?”
“oh, right.” jin pushes himself up off the ground and grabs his basket
he props it up on his hip and starts picking out his clothes from the pile
“hey, these are cute.” jin can’t help but smirk as he twirls a burgundy thong around his finger
your cheeks flame up immediately
“cut it out, you perv” you scowl playfully and grab it from him quickly
the little voice in the back of your mind can’t help but wonder if perhaps jin would be interested in seeing you wear the thong
it comes with a matching bralette
hm
“ya-“ jin pokes your arm and you look over at him “was that your dinner?” he points to the coffee pot and you glance over at it “didn’t you have ramen yesterday?”
“…yeah. instant ramen has been my dinner every day for the past week. why?” you hum nonchalantly and continue picking through the pile
you help jin out and toss one of his white t-shirts into his basket
jin can’t help but let his jaw drop
you’ve been eating processed garBAGe for the past weEK
how???????????
“it’s never enough for me tho so i usually eat a bag of chips too. i might have a frozen mac n’ cheese thingy in the freezer so that’s an option too.” you gasp excitedly “ooh i can crumble the chips over the mac n’ chee-“
“oh my god.” all of a sudden jin reaches over and puShes the rest of the clothes into his basket before grabbing your wrist and dragging you towards the door
“hey, we haven’t finished sorting out the-“
“we’ll do it later i just need to get some actual foOD into your system before all the MSG and sodium starts breakING down your internal organs”
as he’s dragging you up the stairs (the elevator is broken again what a surprise) you can’t help but admire how b r o a d his shoulders are
the cotton shirt he’s wearing is kinda thin and u swear u can see his back muscles flexing slightly
you can’t help but wonder what it’d feel like
running your hands all along his back
digging your nails into his shoulders as he,.,,., y’know
wrapping your legs around his tapered waist as he.,,.,.,. y’knOW
s i g h
you purposely pull back a little so jin slows down and gives u more time to ogle him
are you a pervert for doing that
you might be
“let me see what’s in your fridge so i can work my magic”
he’s never actually been in your apartment before
well
he’s never had a reaSon to
(you always wanna invite him in to watch a movie or something but u get shy and shrivel up immediately)
he has a good idea of the layout because his place is exactly the same as yours
he’s not surprised to see that your place is relatively neat and organised besides a couple scattered markers on the coffee table and a throw blanket tossed haphazardly over the couch
there’s a candle burning away in the middle of the coffee table that makes your place smell like warm vanilla
but then
he enters the war zone
the kitchen
oh my god
this is a living nightmare
this is HIS living nightmare
there’s just
he sees all the takeout boxes in the bin and the pizza box sitting on your kitchen island and the- well that must’ve been your breakfast or something because you sprinkled cinnamon toast crunch on a bagel smeared with waY too much cream cheese
“oh hey i forgot about this” a piece of jin’s soul dies and floats up to heaven when you pop the rest of your cinnamon-cream-cheese-bagel monstrosity into your mouth and chew thoughtfully
why does he like you
“ah, i probably should’ve offered you a bite… i’ll make one for you tomorrow if you want!”
whY DOES HE LIKE U
“i’m… good. i think i’m more than good.” he shudders before nudging past you heading to your fridge “lemme see what we’re working with here…”
“you know you really don’t have to make anything for me. i told you i had a frozen mac and cheese…” you’re rambling and jin is most certainly not paying attention to you mainly because he’s shocked becAUSE you have like NOTHING in your fridge
a bottle of three-cheese ranch
a couple oranges, an avocado, and one red apple
a half-eaten sandwich?? it looks like turkey and a shitload of mayo
a takeout box with…,,. three pieces of orange chicken and a piece of broccoli that you’ve taken a bite out of
a baby carton of chocolate milk and a regular sized carton of milk
and a can of cool whip
unless he makes an orange-chicken-turkey-avocado sandwich with ranch on the side accompanied with a glass of chocolate milk with a dollop of whipped cream on top there’s not a lot he can do here
is thiS how you live
“you know what, maybe you should just come over to my place!” jin closes the fridge and clasps his hands together “yeah, let’s do that.”
“what do you mean?? i have plenTy of food in my fridg- okAy” you stumble over your feet when jin grabs your wrist and drags you away from the fridge
when you enter jin’s place he pushes you down on the couch and you nearly bounce off of it “you stay here, and i’ll whip something up for us.”
as he turns to head towards his kitchen he hears a vioLent schrrr
he turns back around and your finger freezes on the nozzle on the whipped cream canister
“wha- where did you even hiDe that” jin furrows his brows and you shrug before squirting some more into your mouth
“you sure you don’t need any help??” you’re already bored and you’ve only been here for less than a minute
“i don’t want you burning down my kitchen, so i’m good.”
“but i’m boRed and i’m hunGRY” you whine and flop back against the couch
jin raises a brow before bending down and grabbing the remote
he turns the tv on and it just so happens to be playing the late-night cartoons
perfect for a petulant child like you
miraculously jin gets 20 minutes of peace and quiet until he hears you whining again about how hunGry again
that’s what happens when you eat nothing but empty calorie foods
your eyes light up with excitement when jin emerges from the kitchen
he has a rag tossed over his shoulder and a grey apron hanging around him that you assume is from his culinary school
his cheeks are kinda pink from the heat of the kitchen which is adorable
he sits down next to you and you turn to fully face him while crossing your legs
he hands you the plate
wow
“….do you go to culinary school or something?” you tease and jin snorts
the pasta’s been plated into a loose nest and there’s a pretty little basil leaf sitting on top
“chicken, bacon, and spinach spaghetti. and since you’re a whipped cream freak we can have assorted berries and whipped cream for dessert.”
“assorted berries.” you mock quietly and jin scowls playfully before handing you a fork
he doesn’t know why but he’s a little bit nervous lol
like he KNOWS he’s good at cooking but for some reason he feels like he’s presenting a dish to gordon ramsay or someone of that calibre
you twirl a bit of pasta around the fork and shove it into your mouth
and you didn’t think it was possible
but you’re pretty sure your mouth is having an orgasm
HOLy shit
fireworks are going OFF
the bacon has retained its crisp
the spinach is wilted but not toO wilted that it’s falling apart
the chicken is so soft and tender
the spaghetti is cooked *ahem* al dente
and the sauce!!!!
it’s so creamy
so flavourful
you swallow your bite and blink down at the plate of pasta
“what’s wrong?”
“this is…. almost too good.” you mutter and poke at a piece of perfectly cooked chicken before stabbing into it and popping it into your mouth
jin’s cheeks warm with pride as he watches you continue to eat
“it’s almost as good as my frozen mac n cheese meals.” you joke and jin resists the urge to smack you with his rag
it doesn’t matter if you’ve eaten 20 pounds of food for dinner because you’ll always aLWAys have room for dessert
especially if dessert involves whipped cream
it’s healthy-ish!! it’s basically dairy and don’t u need dairy for strong bones or something
and strawberries and blueberries are fruit
and fruit is healthy
so if you really think about it assorted berries and whipped cream is the ideal combo if u wanna get in shape
jin doesn’t trust you with the canister of whipped cream (because he’s 100% sure you’re just going to hog all the cream and squirt all of it into your mouth) so he’s squirting some out onto a particularly juicy looking strawberry that he knoWS you want to devour
he turns and offers it to you and your mouth opens automatically as you lean forward to take it into your mouth
“hold on now.” your brows immediately knit together when he pulls away juSt as you’re about to take a bite “admit it. my spaghetti is much better than your stupid mac n cheese meals.” there’s a glint of playfulness in his eyes as he points to his ear and waits for your response
“i dunno. i get the mac n cheese from whole foods so you know it’s good.” you tsk but keep your eyes right on the berry hovering in front of you
“huh. i guess i’ll be enjoying this seasonal japanese strawberry for myself, then.” jin pouts mockingly
“nO i WANT IT“ jin yelps when you’re suddenly clambering over and grabbing his wrist so that you can shoVe the berry right into your mouth
now
a normal person would eat the berry and then return to their seat
unsurprisingly
you are far from a normal person
you keep your hold on his wrist and suck the whipped cream off his thumb after swallowing the strawberry
god have mercy
your eyes flicker up and you see jin staring right at you with parted lips
“…something the matter?”
and within one second
the berries and your trusty canister of whipped cream have both been abandoned in favour for
well
“can’t believe it took you thiS long to make a move” you murmur against jin’s mouth and he responds by nipping at your bottom lip
“says you!” he gawks before proceeding to press kisses down your neck
and you finALLY get to feel his muscles rippLe underneath the soft cotton of his shirt as you slide your hands from his waist to his back
meanwhile jin’s hand has found its home in between your legs and your eyes flutter shut “god, jin…”
“something the matter?” he mocks before pressing a chaste kiss to your mouth “you gonna admit it now?”
“admit wha- oh, jin - admit whaT”
“that my food is better than your frozen TV dinners” you would’ve burst out laughing if it weren’t for the shocks of electricity tingling up your spine
“n-no way-“ your back arches against his chest and your mouth falls open in a silent moan
and suddenly
you let out a pathetic whine when jin’s hand pulls away from in between your legs “fine. i guess we’re done here!” he sits up but keeps your legs wrapped around his waist
god
you are just a vision aren’t you
you’re flopped back against the arm of the couch
your chest is heaving slightly
your cheeks and nice n rosy
“you are the absolute worst.”
“c’mon… say it…”  he hums and slides a finger from your knee cap to your inner thigh
you know for a fact you two aren’t done here because jin’s already hooked a finger into the waistband of your shorts but you’re naturally a veRy impatient person and so-
“fine, you idiot. your food is significantly better than my frozen TV dinners. happy?”
“…i’ll take it.”
((spoiler alert: you are rewarded with not one not two but thREE mind-blowing orgasms for admitting it))
((maybe you should learn to be less stubborn))
“good morning!” jin is startled awake when you plop on top of him with your legs on either side of him “it’s 10 o’clock and i made us some food”
“christ, don’t scare me like that!” jin scolds you playfully and reaches up to pinch the side of your bare thigh
you’re wearing the shirt he had on last night and it’s starting to droop off your shoulder
“good morning indeed.” his voice is thick with sleep and his hand slides up from your thigh to grasp at your waist “whatcha got there?”
“cinnamon toast crunch bagel” you murmur with a mouthful of bagel and swipe at a lil chunk of cream cheese on the corner of your mouth “my wonderful creation that i made fresh for you”
you’re getting crumbs all over jin but he can’t seem to care because the idea of a cinnamon toast crunch bagel makes him want to throW YOU ouT THE WINDOW
he sits up slowly and wraps an arm around your waist before nuzzling into the crook of your neck “you’re lucky i like you otherwise i would throw your wonderful creation righT into the garbage bin right about now.”
you scoff in mock offence and pull away from him before jabbing a sticky finger into his bare (b r o a d) chest
“don’t knock it til you try it!!”
“the day i try one of your inventions is the day i- mmph!” you shut him up and shove the last bite of your bagel into his mouth before clasping your hand over his mouth so he can’t spit it out
jin chews slowly
and swallows
what the hell
that actually..,,. that tasted good
“that was okay, i suppose. kinda sweet. but i can think of something that might taste a little sweeter.” before you know it jin is flipPing you over and you find yourself pinned underneath him
you’re a giggling mess because you’re trying to get the cream cheese and sugar particles off your fingers but jin is being very vEry distracting
“hOLd on a second sir i have breakfast waiting for us in the living room!” jin’s already made his way down your chest and is about to set up shop in between your legs
he looks up at you before offering you a cheeky grin “…i’m in the mood for breakfast in bed, aren’t you?”
help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)
masterlist
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tellmesomethinggg · 4 years
Text
****
linking this here bc it was technically a journal? i just don’t want it on my notes anymore and if i ever (likely not to) want to re-read for whatever reason. please note that i knew people would read this so things are censored and are the basic version. also there was a switch at one point from **** to chris because i didn’t want things to be read
(for later when i got time lmao)
Matt is a piece of shit that just wants to fuck -Chloe
well fuck
here goes nothing
the plan: don’t get drunk bc i got shit to do early next morning and ill tell him tomorrow when i do get drunk. spoiler alert that didn’t work
Gaby (coles gf) came too btw
so i had a smirnoff ice and said no more than two shots after so id be buzzed but not fully drunk (i ended up having three and was very much drunk)
me jon and gaby we’re talking about guys and i mentioned something about liking a guy or some shit and gaby looks at matt and then me and confirms it with me. then she tells me that apparently when she met me and a few other friends at the beach last quarter, that she predicted the two of us would end up together and told cole this. im like wtf how and she claims she’s psychic lol
later, Matt and i are on the sack and he looks at me and goes do you like me and im thinking well fuck so i say yes and he’s like well shit sorry but (and then i forgot exactly what he said) something along the lines of it’s not mutual or it’s not the right timing (i forgot okay) and then he gets up after a bit to go to the bathroom (I’m pretty sure cole went out too) and then me gaby and Jon have a chisme session and they think that he does like me but whatever
so the guys come back and at this point i really need to pee again so matt offers to take me and we start talking and he’s all, oh im sorry if i led you on and shit and im like it’s alright ill get over it, it just might be a bit awkward for me for a bit. but then on our way back from the bathroom he asks me , do you wanna at least kiss your crush at least one time and im like uhh yeah so he kisses me and then we start talking but i forgot about what and im kinda dizzy so he says, oh let’s sit on the couches for a bit before we go back, so we do and somehow we kiss again and then start making out
and at this point im like bitch there’s no way you don’t like me like why would you do that if you didn’t
so we finally go back and it’s been some time so the rest of em are obviously curious
matt goes with cole to the bathroom again and the three of us have a chisme session otra vez and they’re like yeah he fucking likes you he’s prob just scared bc of his last relationship
cole comes back in and basically backs up their side based on his convo he just had with matt
and so it’s decided that we’ll both sleep on the sack, Jon sleeps on his bed and the other two together in coles bed
he comes back and we all “go to sleep” but I push for him to hold me like he usually does whenever we sleep together and around like 2,3 am we both start making out again and just like uhhhh
also we’re both very much drunk but of course i tend to remember things whenever ive gotten drunk, however, he did not and so now we gotta talk and figure shit out and go from there
also im not telling Emilou or Hanna yet until we figure things out so
yeah
fuck
alrighty, so after last night, ive decided to do absolutely nothing about it and decided to just let things play out the way things do. i don’t wanna say something and ruin our friendship that we have bc i trust him a lot and like hanging out with him, so, i guess the end of this note for now, unless the situation changes anytime soon
Can Tim see what I write on this?     -Chloe
Yes -Janet
Hi Tim!
-Chloe
Tim pls respond.
-Chloe
Hi Chloe! Sorry I have been busy at home LOL
He responded I’m so happy!
-Chloe
FYI im just going to add things at the top of the note so that its easiwr to see stuff when i add it bc then otherwise youd have to scroll a ton
and I’m dating shit so i know when I wrote stuff and my memory and yeahhh
FEB 15 1 pm
chillin in alp so lets get this chisme
alrighty so last night i stayed the night in pratts but it wasnt just me so calmate, it was me and jon bc long story short i was too lazy/dizzy to get up and jons roommate had her bf over. basically we both shared the bed, not a lot of physical contact but whateva
brb
anyways, there was also one point where he was watching a movie from his childhood and idk what tf it was but he was shocked that i havent seen those movies, so apparently now im gonna watch them so i told him for payback we gotta watch disney movies lmao
oh also! i fucking got back to my room and took a shower to get ready for class, and when hanna gets back from class shes all like oh you slept in HiS rOoM huh and i was like uhhh yeah and told her the truth like i was too lazy and dizzy to get up and then she didnt really say anything but uhhhh yikes
and then i mentioned this to emilou later when we were walking to class and shes like yeah idk why she did that that was weird and i was thinking like thank God she doesnt think the same as hanna bc shes also slept in his room on the bean bag a few times
FEB 14 2pm
heyyy its valentines day and guess whos still single and workinggg
so uhhh last night, around 1, both me and pratt finished our shit (hw and studying) and im wide awake so im like hey, brooklyn 99? (because i got him into the show and i love rewatching the show bc its sooo good) and hes down so we start watching in his room. were both on his bed but were sitting (for the tie being) and eventually i decide to lay down and use one of his pillows but its the flat pillow so i attempt to steal his other one, which he protests and we lowkey wrestle over it and eventually i fail ugh and i fall over in frustration and land my head on his knee and then just quit and stay there, but get this, he just deals with it and lays on top of me, like his head is on my side. granted we both also have pillows so like his pillow is in between me and him and same for me but like ughhh
and eventually i fall asleep for like an episode (?) and wake up right before 3 am, and then decide hey sleep sounds important bc i have an 8 am and so does he, so i sit up but im too lazy to get up right away so i sit and go through twitter and shit so chris just lays down with his head on my leg and i set my arm down on his chest and he falls asleep for a few minutes and then i finish going through my social media and every part of me doesnt wanna move, but im also in a position that would be uncomfortable to fall asleep in so i wake him up and then go back to my room
oh and the other thing i forgot was that for a good couple hours we were texting and joking around and yeahhh
i feel like im reading a lot into what happens but at the same time, like i doubt id be this comfortable doing shit with guys like this and idk about him, but like sometimes i wonder you know?
also, saturday night, as far as i know, its just me and him going to the basketball game bc idk who else is going (eye emoji insert here bc im on my computer lmao) so we'll see what happens
FEB 10 11am
okay soooo last night,
the plan was to get buzzed, just me and matt and watch Brooklyn 9-9 but then Anthony and emilou joined us so never mind. after a bit, Anthony leaves so he can answer a phone call and pratt offers me shot #1 and not emilou (she’s laying on the bean bag, I’m on his roommates bed chillin behind her so she can’t see what’s up)
we take two and im slightly buzzed but i think “hey lets see how much we can take before she notices” and he’s down so uhhh let’s get this
later we have to include Anthony and he’s down to see how much we can take and he just lets us continue, i get to 4 shots and he finishes the bottle so i can’t have a 5th
brb im gonna go eat with him
okay im back now...
anyways were both pretty out of it, emilou still hasnt noticed and anthony finds this all funny i assume and so do i , and eventually she finds out and then the two of them leave i guess around 2 am and the two of us are both on the bean bag and were both tired and drunk and drunk me like petting his hair and apparently holding his hand and well yeah i kinda hate drunk me bc if that wasnt obvious enough lmao :/
continuin, we basically end up cuddled together most of the night until we both kind of sober up hella early in the morning and kind of separate a bit
and so in the morning guess who brought it uppp and i at least have an excuse that i was drunk and not thinking and just kinda doing whatever drunk me wanted to do (but omggg his hair is so fucking nice to play with omg) anyways imma just die real quick bc idk what happens now
also since no one else was in the room literally no one else knows about this and i think were keeping it that way bc lets be honest if anyone found out about that i think id be screwed for secret keeping and then well yeah
FEB 8 1AM
i remembered:
sunday 2-3
i forgot this happened but before I ended up in chris’s room i was chillin upstairs watching tv and then he came out on the phone with some one and long story short he said something on the phone to his friend along the lines of “you’re gonna have me in your life for a long time” and when he was saying that i was looking at him bc soy chismosa and i was curious and he winked at me and I died
Monday 2-4
so the other thing that happened was I had lunch/dinner with him before my writing class and no recuerdo que decimos, but uhhhh yeah
i like hanging out with him
also, just got back from his room and am more convinced that he may not like me but actually just sees me as a friend but at the same time maybe he does but IDK
i hate feelings and it’d be so much easier if i didn’t have them sometimes lmaooo
FEB 7 5-7 PM
so im currently in the room rn so im gonna try to make this as chronological as possible
saturday 2-2
alrighty so mind you this is the day ive volunteered with ship and have spent the whole day there, (i dont remember why i thought this was relevant :/)
so saturday night, i go to work in his room around 8 (?) so i can work on my essay and finish my shit bc he has a bean bag thats hella comfy to work on
andd so later on, jocelyn comes in to watch anime with him and then after i finish we all decide to watch gabriel iglesias and ended up squishing together on the bean bag with me in the middle of the two of them
and so were all chillin there, laughing whatever and at one point chris fucking pratt puts his head on my shoulder for a little bit and i dIeDddd
and eventually i fall asleep when we start watching emperors new groove and mind you im fucking next to chris pratt like uhhhh my GOD
so i wake up once the movies over and then go to the bathroom and come back and by then he has taken over the whole bean bag and im sad that i cant just get back and go back to sleep so i go back to my room
(hanna doesnt know what time i get back i think and im pretty sure it was around4 am) (emilous also not here bc she went home for the weekend)
sunday 2-3
so i decide hey i was productive yesterday and decide to return to his room to work on shit and try to get as much done before work in theevening
i finish around 1/2? and then i tell him im bored and i wanna do something before work but idk what so he says lets go to the rec room and its just the two of us and its chillin and he puts me on his story playing pool lmao
and then i go to work :(
but then THEN later after work i go for a run and end up back in his room and theres a couple other people there and so were all chilling (mind you this is around midnight)
and somehow i end up falling asleep on the bean bag next to this girl jon from my hall and (this is a secret in a secret) but i hear her get up at one point and then chris pratt then joins me and during the night im tossing and turning and leaning on him a bit (ughhhh i died a shit ton)
monday 2-4
so in the morning around 720 or so i wake up pay dumb and am like oh whend you get here and he explains and then hes like yeah i dont really know the girl who slept in my bed (one of jons friends) and i figured since im more comfortable with you id just move here (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me upppp) [please note that when i say fuck me up i dont mean that type of fuck]
alrighty thats what i remember that i havent told you, and then the other bit from the screen record was tuesday and now its thursday and here i am in guess whos room again
possibly staying the night lmao
but jons also here so its not like im staying the night staying the night
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Only For A Moment (Prologue 1)
“Hi darling muffin! As you already know, I think about OFAM a lot...like ALOT. And I have a question. Bucky was obviously trailing the reader for a while before he let himself be seen/known by her. What was he possibly thinking or feeling when he first saw her? What was going through his mind during that time before he revealed himself?”
I fucking love you. Have I made that clear recently?
So. Tumblr ate @wonderlandmind4 ’s asks to me like 3 fucking times. But it may be for the best because instead of just answering you normally I’m gonna write a little prequel fic instead.
Hope this answers your question babe!
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Bucky stares blankly at the ceiling of his small apartment. He can hear the traffic outside and the families in the apartments around him far better than any normal person ever could. For hours he lets those sounds wash over him, ground him, distract him from the ghosts in his head.
This was the benefit of being here rather than the farmhouse he’d stayed in for a couple of months after getting to Romania, the noise. Growing up in Brooklyn quiet was a hot commodity. Some part of him remembers seeking it out on rooftops and nighttime beach treks. Solitude away from city sounds, his parent’s arguing, his sister’s pestering. Now… he’d give anything to be annoyed by his family’s noise.
Sighing he finally sits up, leaning against the wall. He hadn’t left here in four days. The nightmares had been so bad. Flashbacks, the psychology book he read called them. Dreams so real they seeped into reality, distorted things to the point that a person couldn’t tell what was real. He was exhausted, on edge, and truly beginning to wonder why the fuck he was even trying.
Absently his fingers wander to the journal laying by the bed. That was why. He knew it in his bones. He wasn’t going to let go until he got it all back, everything they took from him, and he couldn’t go before telling Steve he was so sorry… How could he have done that-
His right fist slams into the mattress, the springs groaning in protest. This wasn’t doing him any good, hiding out in here. Being in the city was stressful sometimes but he wasn’t about to fly off the handle… he needs the distraction.
The October day is bright, a little warm even. Blue skies with perfect puffy clouds floating languidly about. It was beautiful. The perfect day to go to a park. He’d been meaning to check out Cișmigiu Gardens, so he sets off in that direction.
It’s barely noon when he gets there and seeing that it’s Thursday, the park is fairly deserted. There are enough people to serve as the distraction he needs, plus the park is beautiful, some flowers still blooming and foliage still fairly green despite fall being here.
“Alice!” Bucky spins on his heel toward the sound of the woman. She’s a few yards away running after a giggling toddler who’s heading straight for the water.
He moves to chase down the kid but a boy bolts from his sunny spot on a bench, fast, very fast. Something about the way he moves gives Bucky pause.
The toddler has a head start on everyone and is just about to the water. One pudgy leg goes to take a step into the water and by some sheer force of luck, they fall back… somewhat unnaturally, as if they were pulled. But…
The boy snatches the baby up, who immediately starts to wail, their master plan thwarted. From his place, he can just hear the boy coo to comfort the child. He must be very young, voice still soft and feminine.
Panting the mother catches up. Thanking the young man profusely. As he hands the toddler to its mother Bucky see’s his face… except… he knows this face somehow.
Suddenly he can’t breathe but he can’t look away. Despite appearances, he knows this isn’t a young man. You’re a woman… it feels like someone’s digging an icepick into the front of his brain. He grits his teeth trying to focus.
Quickly he sits on a bench, diagonal and down a bit from the one you got up from, pulling a book from his bag to hide his gawking. Thankfully you’re not paying any attention at the moment. You head back to your sunlight drenched bench.
Fuzzy images flash through his mind. You look so different, he remembers thick hair, falling loose into your face. A face that’s crying, bloody, scared… of him? Of course of him… You look just past him, he freezes, but you don’t notice him before you lay back on the bench, eyes on the blue sky.
Could you really be Hydra…? Because surely that’s why he knows you. A Hydra trainee… someone he was supposed to break…
There’s something else there though. He knows it he just can’t touch it.
For hours Bucky watches you. Strangely you don’t do much but look at your phone from time to time, drink out of your large paper coffee cup, and stare at the passing clouds, or the water or the people. Much like him, you seem to fade into the background. No one paying you any mind at all. It makes his chest tighten just a bit... the melancholy that settles around you despite the beautiful day around you.
When you finally get up he can’t help it. He has to follow. In all this time he hasn’t seen one Hydra agent, not one face he recognizes. Bucharest should be safe, it wasn’t a hub for any of Hydra’s active bases, off the radar entirely… So why…
You slip into a store and exit with a bottle of whiskey, snacks, and cigarettes. From there he tails you to a rundown block just near Lake Floreasca. It’s the first time you seem to pay attention to your surroundings before you go into a dilapidated building and don’t exit again.
That night he dreams of hitting you… with his left fist. He remembers them briefing him, he was to go until you stayed down. They preferred he didn’t kill you, too valuable, too unique for some reason. All he saw was a woman, a target… But then… He wakes up drenched in sweat, his head feeling like it’s going to crack open.
Bucky spends the next eight days following you. He knows he shouldn’t. A part of him thinks you could be a threat, an agent sent here to flush him out, bring him in… his gut says something else… even though he doesn’t know exactly what that something else is.
What he does know is that an active agent or asset usually eats regularly, something you don’t do. They don’t go out for multiple coffees, chain smoke, and go through handles of liquor a day… No, his gut says you’re not an active agent at all… You look like someone who’s hurting and lost… just like him.
It’s stupid. He knows it’s stupid. If you are someone he hurt you won’t have any interest in speaking to him, why would you? But there’s that little nagging thing he can’t reach. Something different… Something special… He fucking hates that he can’t get to it. And it’s that little something paired with his crushing sense of loneliness that makes him finally decide to let you see him.
The day is bright again as he waits just down the way from what appears to be where you’re living. He doesn’t even register it though. His heart is thundering in his ears, breath ragged. 
There are so many things that can go wrong here. Not least of which being that you could lead them to him… he’d rather die than go back but… he needs this. And maybe, just maybe you do too. Though he can’t allow himself to hope that he could do something, anything good for someone else. Still... 
You’re eating breakfast, that’s good, he doesn’t think you ate at all the day before. While he doesn’t want to interrupt you the busy morning street is as good a place as any for him to get in your line of sight, to see if you even know him. Strategically he stands by a newsstand just down from the Starbucks you’re in front of and waits.
To anyone else, he’s just a man looking at the paper, but his eyes are glued to you. After a few minutes, you seem to sense that you’re being observed. Maybe you do have some self-preservation skills… He feels your eyes lock on him.
It happens quickly, so quickly that no one around you catches it. But it looks almost like your table and the items on it begin to float just slightly before settling, spilling your coffee. He takes the moment of distraction to disappear, his heart threatening to beat its way out of his chest.
You knew him… That much was clear. Now he just had to find out how you fit into his story… why you’re different… whatever came after, he was ready for.
@bluegirlusa1 @l0kisbitch @tazzi-baby @disagreetoagree @woodyandbuzz20-01 @mooniightbucky @saundrasays @breezy1415 @alyssaj23 @mywinterwolf @wonderlandmind4 @fairislesheets @anamcg317 @buckaroo-barnes @jazztherebel @peachthatdrinkslemonade @regulusirius  @auskitty @babyimp1967 @katecolleen @handplucked @piensa-bonito @darkdragonphoenix @issanitydead @thestorydetective @buckysstar @wintersoldierswhore @greyeyedsmile14 @watchoutforfrostbite @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @jewelofwinter @siriuslycloudy2 @hardygal69 @marvelousmeggi
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weareallfallengods · 5 years
Text
Survival
Writing prompt:
If you’re over 25 and haven’t done something remarkable, you are hunted down and killed. Some people invent things. Some make cures for diseases. Others become established members of their community. You’re pushing 30, and somehow not dead yet, even though you cant think of a single thing you’ve done thats remarkable in any way. Why aren’t you dead?
I write for adults about adult themes with adult language. I try to tag possible triggers (but I know I'm not going to get all of them), so if violence or implied death or cussing bothers you, you'll probably want to find a different author.
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Somehow, that date came up again. Not quite sure how, but somehow, the number circled on my shitty wall calendar with the coffee splatter on it managed to be today. Again. It's been doing that for 5 years now.
At first I wanted to be a surgeon- save people's lives, make a difference, all that shit. Yeah, I was caught up in the hype for a while too. Just like everyone. Thought I'd make some ground-breaking discovery and change the world. Just like everyone. And then, at 22, I flunked out of med school. That was it. Dream over, kaput, fin.
When I opened my termination letter, it was like reading a death sentence. 10 years of prep and study down the drain. 3 years left. 3 years, and no idea what to do. No clue what I could do to save my own life after all those years learning how to save others.I drank for a solid month. I dont even remember that month now. My only memento from it is an entire skip of liquor bottles. It's a miracle I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Not that I didn't try.
See, I was afraid. Scared, actually. Terrified would be more accurate, if I'm honest. I knew I only had 3 years left until they came for me. Unless I managed to do something extraordinary within the next 3 years, they'd come for me, and the only thing that would remain is a 2 paragraph obituary in the local paper, followed by a vacancy announcement. When you're suddenly forced to confront your own imminent demise, and see every dream, hope and aspiration you'd had evaporate, right in front of your eyes, its perfectly natural to drown that in a swimming pool of vodka.
But then, after a month of drowning, and a week of curing a hangover that would make Satan shudder, I got angry. Like Bruce Banner angry. As I was leaving an all night diner, the notice board caught my eye. Having nothing better to do with my life, I stood there for a while just reading every single card in detail, every single lost cat, every used car, every 5k charity run. And then I saw it. And I thought, "You know what? Fuck it, why not. I've spent all this time trying to do one thing that I've never actually done just whatever I feel like, had hobbies, anything really. Why the fuck not."
And that's how I ended up 2 days later in some shity warehouse district, rolling around on a mat with some dude I didnt even know, sweating and swearing profusely and having the time of my life. "Sasha's Self Defense" it said on the small, weathered and rusted sign on the brick wall out front, next to a door that looked like it had been transported straight from the proverbial gulag.
I'd naively thought this was going to be one of those Karate Kid knock offs for some reason when I first arrived. Sasha soon disabused me of that notion. In fact, when he saw I'd brought a new gi in a duffle bag, he laughed so hard he had to slap his ass down on a rickety folding chair just to keep breathing. Once he calmed his mirth at my expense, he let me know in a no-nonsense, 'I'm an old-timer and seen some shit in my day' heavily accented tone that this would be a class that focused on survival at all costs. "No bullshit wax on-wax off," were his exact words I believe.
And boy was he right. When I told him I'd set aside my year's tuition for lesson payments, well, wouldn't you know it, I became his most prized pupil; I quickly learned this was not a good thing. It meant 14 hours a day of the most humiliatingly punishing activity ever dreamed up by Moscow's Finest. I couldnt even move the morning after my first day. But somehow I limped my battered frame down to the bus stop and was only an hour late. Ha, only. Sasha seemed to take it as a personal insult. The only thing he hated less than sloppiness was tardiness it seemed. Apparently the 10th Circle of Hell was reserved for those who dared be late. And he made you earn your way out of that circle.
His only saving grace was fairness. If I had to suffer, at least I wasnt alone. Well, at first anyway. The few other students that suffered his wrath along side me doing slavic folk dances with wrist and ankle weights very quickly learned that this wasn't the type of class they had thought it was and soon I was alone with Sasha.
On the days I did well, I got treated to pierogies. Oh man, I lived for those pierogies. They were made by angels and served by someone I can only describe as if Jesus came back as a woman. Who was Russian. And spoke even less english than Sasha, if that was possible. His sister was as completely opposite to that sadistic maniac as it was possible to be and still be a human being. Where he was loud, she was soft. Where he was tough, she was gentle. Where he was strict, she was generous, even indulgent. Blonde to his brunette. Slim to his barrel chest. Cousin by marriage, I think they said. Well, relatives of some kind anyway. And she was the only one who could make him laugh. And when he laughed, the whole block knew! He was just that loud, that boisterous, with everything he did.
But I loved his little Anya. Just like everyone. But like in a wholesome, mom-ish kind of way. I loved her because I got to sit for an hour when she was around. Because she"d always tuck a to-go container of pierogies into my bag. Because she'd chide Sasha for pushing me too hard. In short, she was an angel.
But I have to hand it Sasha- in 4 months, he took a scrawny bookworm into someone who could pose for Men's Health. In 6 months, I could beat Ivan, his partner, in 5/10 sparring matches. In 7 months, I ran a marathon. In 9, he had me enter a triathalon. And I made it into the top 50 out of 500 entrants. Not too bad if I say so myself. In 12 months, I was beating Ivan almost every time.
And that's when the other Ivan showed up. After a year, Sasha decided it was time I learned weaponry. After all, no real fight was fair, he said. And Ivan (another cousin? Sasha had one heck of an extended family) instructed me on everything from broken beer bottles, to knives and pool cues. And my medical training paid off, because more often than not, I was the one stitching myself up if training got a little rough that day.
Eventually, I moved into the gym. Not sure how it happened, but I think I just got too tired to leave one day and never really left. Sasha didnt seem to mind since it meant I wasnt ever late again. Plus the coffee he imported was the best thing ever. Like it was so good that's probably the Extraordinary Thing he did to live as long as he had.
The days just melted together, into one long symphony of beautiful exhaustion and physical torment, as I poured myself into the first activity I could remember doing purely because I wanted to, something that numbed the dread of the finality of my life expectancy.
But then one day, one specific day, the one I'd been dreading in the back of my mind for a year came around.
They found me.
I guess they were a little slow in finding me, not surprising since I'd basically just disappeared from my old life, no forwarding address type thing. It wasnt intentional, it just sort of happened, what with me diving head first into something purely for me, without the thought of doing it for someone else. But they found me. Just like they find everybody.
See, it doesnt matter if you try to run, if you move, or change your name. They always find you eventually. I just hadn't thought about it in a long while. That year was the first time since I was probably 14 that I'm hadn't thought about the Gardeners. I guess that's why it surprised me so much.
Yeah, Gardeners. I dont know who came up with the name, in guess some misguided attempt at a positive PR spin bullshit to pass off squads of government assassins who's only job was to track down the NCs of the world and eliminate them. Sorry, NCs- Non-Contributors; the people who hit their expiration date without doing something noteworthy, something that was deemed to "advance or bolster the Human Condition" to borrow a phrase from the civics classes we had to take every fucking year of school. A cutesy sounding name that was supposed to make the government sound like a benevolent old couple pulling weeds from their garden of humanity. The worst lies always sound the sweetest, dont they?
And I was now 25.
It happened a few weeks after my birthday. Just another routine day for me, going for a light 5k run after my soak in a mineral bath. Light rain, most of the streetlights out, the few lights on in the warehouse district reflected beautifully off the streets. That's why I ran at night, all the colors changed that normally bleak neighborhood into something beautiful. It was just one little thing to balance out the harshness of reality, and I reveled in it.
I don't actually remember what happened exactly. I do recall seeing a suspiciously conspicuous homeless guy huddled under a loading dock awning, and then just a flash of movement from the corner of my eye. I think it happened really quickly; at least that's what Sasha said the next morning as he was making arrangements for me to visit another cousin of his "back in the old country". It could have been. God, after seeing the bodies around me in the aftermath, I hope, for their sake, that it was fast. 5 bodies. All still. I still remember my breath turning to blue fog, blurring the details of them. Helping me to be able to pretend I didn't see the blood mixing with the rain and oil, spreading out over the concrete like a macabre inversion of the cloudy sky above.
I'm glad they wore masks. It's bad enough having that scene burned into my brain forever, without specific people's faces being etched there as well. I'm glad I dont see their faces in my mind every time I close my eyes. I just wish I could still enjoy the rain. They managed to take that from me, even if I'm still breathing, so I guess they didnt completely fail. They just killed a part of my soul instead. But hey, there's plenty of people that don't like the rain, right? But I bet they don't smell blood when it does though.
And that was pretty much it. No sirens, no manhunt, nothing. Before I could process what was happening, I was on a bus, headed for "the old country", which, as near as I could tell, looked an awful lot like Pittsburg. Sasha's 'cousin' met me at the bus depot there, a man of very few words. Not as loud as his cousin, Zhena tended to communicate with looks, grunts and shrugs mostly. Same work ethic though.
And then the cycle repeated- 14 months this time before they caught up with me. Too bad that Zhena got caught up in it, he was a great guy. He and I didn't really become close or buddies or anything, but it still hurt to see what happened to him. To what was left of him anyway. The Gardeners definitely were trying to send a message with that. To quote an old wise man, "I didnt want to know, but now I do, and I'm telling you, you dont want to know." And that's coming from someone who was training to become a surgeon, so just trust me on this one.
This time, they were waiting for me. I think they'd planned on Zhena being enough of a distraction that they'd be able to take me out easily, but since since I woke up the next day on the floor of the sparring ring in a too large pool of blood that wasnt my own, I'd say they failed. The difference this time was I was on my own. No 'cousins' to call in favors from. No family I could call because I didnt want them getting a visit from the Gardeners either. I was alone this time.
Weirdly, I was actually OK with that. I'd been surrounded by family, teachers, advisors, tutors for so long that solitude was actually kind of nice. I could hear myself think my own thoughts for the first time in what seemed like forever.
I'm not ashamed to say that I took what little of value there was from Zhena's gym (I knew him well enough to know that Sasha was his only family) so that I could get a seedy hotel for a while. I did at least have the decency to let Sasha know, and that that would be the last he ever heard from me, to keep him out of trouble. Bad enough that 10 people were already dead, I didn't want Sasha or Anya's name added to that list because of me.
And so I vanished. Completely. Sure I travelled, kept studying and training like I had been, but never staying longer than a few months, never using the same name, copying other random people's habits and patterns so I didnt have one of my own for them to track down. Yeah it was cliche, but hey, I figured my dad watching all those spy flicks when I was young had to be good for something, right?
Sometimes I was a baker, sometimes a delivery driver, even a dock hand. Whatever it took to make a buck so I could eat.
I got really good at other things too. Like disposing of bodies. Not really a skill I ever thought I'd want or need, but Necessity is a harsh and demanding teacher. Sadly, my skill as a surgeon came in handy- bodies are easier to get rid of when they're in smaller pieces. And people are easier to turn into bodies when you know how they're put together intimately. Not what I had in mind for my life, but since it was the choice between this or dying, well, I guess I can put up with it.
I suppose that catches us all up to the present, more or less. OK yeah theres a lot that's gone down between Pittsburg and now, but it was all pretty much the same: lather, rinse, repeat. Literally sometimes. Those were the days it felt like there wasnt enough soap in the world to get all the blood off.
So here I am, I'm my single room in Kandahar, staring at the date that had somehow come up again. Every year, they send someone. Usually a team. And I survive. No matter how they come at me, or when or how many. I survive.
And I'm sitting here, staring at the calendar, steaming cup of espresso, just staring, as a light breeze fluttered the corner of the calendar page, sending the orchids dancing in the vase next to it. All I could think is, "How? How does this keep happening? I'm not even supposed to be here, not supposed to be alive."
As I raised my cup of espresso, something slid under my door. "OK that's weird," I said aloud as I stood.
The chair made an ungodly screech as I pushed it back and made my way over to where a small, cream colored envelope sat on the floor, a couple inches from the bottom of the door. It was heavy for it's size, but not because anything was in it, just the paper was that thick. Probably hand-made. It's odd the little things you notice in times of stress. Heavy, rough paper, no postmark, nothing written on the outside, just the flap tucked in, not even sealed. Reminded me of how my mother used to give out birthday cards. I always thought that was a little weird, but it was just one of her quirks that made her even more endearing to everyone.
I sat down a little heavier than I had planned and felt the chair crack a little. There was a single sheet of paper inside, folded in half; I was right- handmade paper. But that wasnt important, what was important was the heavy, blocky hand-written message it contained.
"We've been looking for you for a long time. It has come to my attention that you may have something unique to contribute after all. We may have been too hasty in judging your Ability to be a Contributor. I believe you do actually have a remarkable Ability to Survive. I'd like to speak to you this afternoon in the plaza outside the Blue Mosque. I will be alone, and you can approach me, so as to allay your justifiable suspicions. I will have a silver coffee set on the table in front of me.
I believe we can help each other, if you're willing to listen to my proposition.
-Soon,
Baddar"
Well, this is interesting.
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rythmcale · 3 years
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I dont remember my dreams but i remembered this one.
ok this is going to be disjointed, grammatically incorect, and the writting itself will probably bother some people cause my writting style? is trash.. i think. i had a wild cohesive dream last night and i HAVE to share omfg. i dont often remember my dreams.. if ever. I just started antidepressants like.. a couple weeks ago.  the day before this dream, i was working on my friends car (01 ford taurus limited) trying to replace the front complete struts (fuck those struts omg) been at it for more than a few hours. shit just was not going well. finally got one strut out after a shitload of hammering but the new strut just wont go in and i said fuck this car im taking a break. went inside and joing my already in motion dnd session that we are at level 20 now. were in the last part of hell, beating the shit out of a rockshasha (idk how to spoell it) pentagram on the floor. blood pooling into it. we beat him then get an image of th partys home town being waylayed by an army of demons, devils, monsters of all kinds. we plane shift back, and get told that a rift opened up and they just started pouring out just a few moments after we left to deal with the rockshasha. game ends, and i join my friends with some apex legends for a few hours. my head starts to hurt like a MOTHER and i bow out. i watch some youtube on my couch so the tv is further away from my eyes than the monitor but headache doesnt do away. its one of those headaches that feel like your brain is getting stabbed and it was on my left temple and behind my eye at the same time... i dont get headaches often. so i say fuck it, i take four pills of off brand ibuprofyn, and two off brand pill of acetamitaphin. eat a banana, can of cambells chuncky corn chowder soup and go to bed.
this is the dream i rememebr having after having the most restful sleep i can rememebr having i n a long while.
ok so i remembr three parts of it maybe more. first thing i remember is that it was dark and stormy night (cliche i know just.. just hang on) panning through an apartment you hear thuds and a scream or two. sounds like fighting. after panning through a tossed apartment you finally get to the bedroom where a woman lay exaushted on the bed, room is trashed. (no this is not erotica hang on) man is haunched, twitching somewhat in the shadows of the room. pan to the woman on th bed, its a beaten and bloody blonde.. (for some reason my head went brittney spears idk why) and shes laying there kind of laughing.. chuckling and finally says, i wont let you have your way as the guy lunges for her she takkes a bottle and breaks it over his head. broken sharp bottle in her hand she glances at it as the guy staggers backk some,he growls.  as he begins to lurch forward again lighting strikes and for a flash you see mangled, rotting flesh. eyes white, teeth missing, just horrible to look at, and groaning sniffing the air. presumibly for her. with the last bit of her strength she take the bottle to her throat amiling and crying that she both got away from this thing and sad that she has to die to do it.
im in a funeral home in what i normally wear, jeans, leather jackket, t shirt, bandanna, long hair. (it my dream of course im in it, just put yourself where i put me, im, mine, etc etc) Im standding therre waiting to go in and the same woman comes up beside me. Shes in kind of a black.. or whitish sun dress, depending how the light hist is.. or doesnt? with one of those hat that have a large... brim? (i dont know the word right now, those hat you see woman wear to the beach that offer a shit load of shade) around it. i rmember us chatting a bit and she finally looks at me. immediatly im struck with shock cause she looks like who we are going to the funeral for. I say "holy shit you like just like her" she says "oh yeah shes my twin, the only difference between our features is that i have one eye thats yellow". i then take notice of her eyes and finally ee that one ofo them is indeed yellow. but its not exactly?? its that thing that happens around the pupil that looks yellow and kind of spikey. idk what is called but it covered most of her iris. i told her this, ahs smiled and said "well thank you i never knew that" and walked inside. as i walked inside i saw everyone was well dressed and now im in a black suite and tie, hair pulled back. it was a large church with cielings that i could only imagine how high they were.
im in an attic type place. (presummably the area above the church??) im walking around lookks like the belfry from the first batman movie with michel keaton and jackk nicolson.. they arent there. its dark out, lights kind of peering through the cracks in the roof and slits of the wood. panning through the attic i see a particularly large crack in the wood. just big enough to look through. So i do. i see the guy who played glennn in the walking dead (i cant remember the actors name right now) standing there witha shotgun in hand and ak slung over him. looks like he did in walking dead (only thing ive seen that actor in so far -shrugs-) kind of decked out with grenades, a bullet belt, cargo pants, couple of boot knifes. hes talkingf to someone casually i cant make out what they are saying. suddenly he turns around in shock and yells run as he sharts fireing. can see everything inside the area now. its a long hallway.. ish? type area. looks the same as where i was. you see some creatures coming towards "glenn" and he stops grins and all of a sudden on ether side of the hallway is row after row of automatice guns. and they just start PUMPING they things full of bullets.. like they dont even stnad for more than a few seconds. after that he promptly runs to the side off where i cant see him anymore.
now im standing next to him and the woman from the start of this is in front of us, he hands me a knife. we both go in, shes jerking around but still as beautiful as ever, smiling and saying "you still think that will finish me do you, bwhahahah" you know that anime haha laugh that women do with the back of their hand to their mouth. me and "glenn" go in, with glenn warning of her dragons breath. and suddenly i have her in a choke hold and shes squrming. im trying to twist and break her neck, it just wont happen. shes smiling and i can see red creeping up her throat, smoke coming out of her nose and mouth, eye glowing red, keeps trying to grab my arm with her hands to get me to let go, shes held down by.. something idk. finally i say fuck this, i take the knife to go for her neckk and saw at her neck, its like rubber, the knife wont cut and suddenly theres wood covering it.. wind wipping around us. im sawing at the wood like my life depends on it. then i get pushed back as earth starts to form around her leggs and she gets lifted up on this mound. wood covering the top part of her and her arms. shes still laughing until shes not and is now panicked. im confusedas fuck cause i didnt do anything. th earth hardens into metal. so much pressure that the earth and rock turned to metal. the wood covering the top ortion of her, her arms become limbs of the tree and it grows from the top of her head and fully blooms in an instant then petrifies. her contorted screamingf face like a knot in the tree. "glenn" walks up next to me just as beaten and bloody as i am. somehow we are both standing. "glenn" asks "is it finally over?" and i say " it might.. for a while. but not forever" camera pans out as we both slump to our knees finally breathing and you se a cathedral that the funeral was in on a hude mound of earth and the city, landscape, everything is ether over grown or crumbling like in the game the last of us.
for some reason i think this would a wild ride as a movie or book or well written at all.. fuck
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omegacunt-blog · 7 years
Text
my view of time with the love of my life.
im sad i hate my home im moving to christchurch i know it will hurt my girl but its best for me and we have been distant already as it is "babe we need to talk" yes we do im leaving you and moving to christchurch im sorry but its best for me right now "i cheated on you when do you want your things" i knew then that i wasnt going to love again fuck that i packed my shit only 1 bag and got the next flight to christchurch i met my father at the airport and went back to his place we got a pack of smokes and went for a walk into the cbd because i told him i like walking we walked for hours talking about how we have been and what we do for fun we get to a giant arch thing and he see's one of his friends so i sit down and start scrolling instagram i was posting angry shit about my ex cheating on me blah blah and i figured i need new friends so i start following people and i come across this one page of this chick with red hair "wow she is really hot no way id have a chance with her ill try it anyway" we ended up going home and i stalked her instagram all night because i couldnt sleep she was really cute holy hell 3 days past and i was talking to the girls i had things with and i started to feel un satisfyed i got nudes every day from like 6 people how could i not be satisfyed i finally get some balls and message her but what do i say i said the most amazingly horrible opener "do you like memes" oh god ive fucked it im really weird somehow it worked we are talking now i dont remember what we said exactly but all i remember is getting her number right away and telling her we are in an extremely open no ties relationship which somehow worked it was really weird we started talking about neither of us ever liking each other we talked about how much we liked drinking we talked about our music i loved talking to her i soon found myself spending all day and night talking to her and thinking about her and finding myself at burgerking using the wifi just so i could keep talking to her i drank alot and i eventually ended up cutting my girls off without knowing i cant say i missed them because it would be a lie she was all i thought about it soon came time to meet her and i remember drinking a whole bottle of jagermeister and smoking a bit to get some confidence wow she is beautiful in person i wanna get close to her i want to talk to her all night i tried showing off to impress her like a 9 year old kid with a crush im writing this now with that same crush we were walking back to her house and i was still showing off i ended up getting arrested so i fucked with the cops for a bit before i got put in cuffs and taken home i put my foot out the car door and they both spent 20 minutes trying to put it in the car i almost told them i was carrying a knife i talked about her the whole way home and as soon as i got home i walked an hour to her house where she made me sit on the lawn because she didnt trust me it was okay i was fine with just being there she came and sat next to me and she asked me if i liked being scratched and she started scratching my left arm it kinda hurt but i liked it because she was doing it **it also why i burn the skin off my left arm** her friend started running around with a shopping cart and she kissed me on the cheek it was the first time ive been kissed on the cheek and it felt amazing i dont know why i just stared at her and said "oh" i was speechless and then we went inside and sat for a couple hours before i left and she told me to hug her so i did and i left feeling extremely happy i walked an hour in the wrong direction and then eventually got home i fell asleep right away thinking about her we continued to hang out for another 2 weeks and then she came around to my place and we drank and smoked cigarettes with her friend zion and we ended up cuddling for a couple hours before she left i hated it when she left 3 days later i watched her be with another guy it ripped me apart everytime i seen them kiss i hated the fact that she even sat close to him i was extremely jealous i think its easy to say jealousy is my biggest weakness it eats me alive its caused many of my scars and its the reason behind my anxiety and trust issues that day was the day we started going down hill i told her i loved her and i had feelings for her and she returned them i asked her out and she turned me down it really hurt and it took her 2 days for an explanation "i want to be with you and i will soon i promise just wait" and thats what i did i waited and watched her be with another it really hurt me that she could say all these things to me and then turn around and do things with another guy it should be me if she doesnt like him why is she doing this with him and not me i want it i deserve it she ends up getting high and she turned into a different person she told me to come see her so i walked an hour and a half and all i got when i got there was "dude just leave me alone im to high for this i dont want to see you" i told her i was done i cant love her if she doesnt love me oh but she says she does but where is the actual love? i dont feel it all i feel is disgust **thats why i dont like her smoking weed** i walked an hour and a half home after not seeing her and being told to leave her alone i was angry so i shut myself off for 2 days and when i finally texted her back i went over to her house i didnt know that would be the last time id see her she was upset and she sat on her chair in silence so i sat on the floor and we were silent for a while before she came and hugged me i hate myself for not hugging her back she was hurt and i knew it but all i could think about was how angry what she said made me i was closed off we said nothing the whole time untill i got uo and said goodbye and jumped out her window i didnt even look at her as i left i hated it after that day everything is black all i did was drink my pain away eventually she decided it was time to cut me off "its best for you" she said i felt hurt i felt betrayed i was angry not at her but at myself if i had of done things differently it wouldve been better we wouldve worked i tried for weeks to get her back but failed every time i ended up having drinks with her friend i met at sparks in the park which was another time that i hated but loved i was with her i loved it but she kissed a guy infront of me i hated that **i didnt know he was gay at the time** and she ignored me most of the night unless she wanted me to stand behind her so she felt hidden and then she ditched me anyway back to the drinks i remember aysia telling me to invite pagan and i didnt have the courage to tell aysia i ruined everything with her so i just said "nah she is probably busy she wont wanna come here" from then onwards for the next 3 months was also black it was a spiral of alcohol and bad decisions my life was fucked up and all i wanted was for her to text me saying she still loved me i moved into a new house in pegasus and i noticed she unblocked me i messaged her and she said "leave me alone i dont want to talk to you im tryna hold it down for a nigga" and then she blocked me that really fucking hurt i started burning myself for the first time and drank every day there was alot of parties i had alot of alcohol drank but not once was i able to move on or forget about her i got home from driving one night and i had a text from her i nearly died from excitement she is finally back my life is finally happy again "well heres hoping we never meet huh? -your not so friendly demon (aka the guy who doesnt think with his dick and is with pagan and wants to make you choke on your teeth" that was the most painful text i ever got in my life not only did i get proof she had moved on but he wanted to hurt me for some reason did she say i hurt her? did she talk shit about me? i hated it i blocked her number and punched a hole in my wall the drinking continued the pain got worse untill months later she messaged me on instagram apologising for everything i was hesitant to let her back into my life i had to think about it she broke me many times already am i willing to go through everything again i never stopped loving her we talked about how our lives were things were good it took 1 hour for me to get hurt again when i found out she was still with **my not so friendly demon** i hated that and i hated seeing photos of them together and him talking shit to me and seeing them love each other and hearing her talking about doing things to him i was jealous notice a patern? something happened and she left him and i asked her out she was finally going to be mine she said yes im so happy everything is amazing this is why i love her i love her for the good times and i still love her through the bad i remember sharing a tiny bed i hated it i was embarrassed but she put up with it for me i remember first having sex with her ill never forget how uncomfortable it made her she hated sex but she tried it with me the first 2 times we had sex i didnt cum but i made sure she did i didnt care if i got no pleasure as long as she did i was happy i loved cuddling with her drinking with her smoking with her i loved listening to music with her talking to her everything she loved my niece and that meant alot to me ive never been happier in my life and she gave that to me i cant thank her enough i remember how it felt to cuddle her how it felt when we had sex it was amazing she was the best fuck ive ever had and i couldnt get enough i wouldnt to fuck her all the time i wanted to cuddle constantly i wanted to see her laugh every day i wanted to listen to her talk for hours i never wanted anything to end but it had to a piece of me died everytime she left my house i remember our first argument it was about me talking about the past i miss everything the kisses hugs sex the cuddling the waking up in the morning and seeing her face and hearing her say i love you as the first thing we went for a walk one day to the beach after having sex and we just walked and held hands for hours untill we went home that was my happiest day on earth and id rather keep the things about that day to myself for a future story im not going to go into detail about our final days but we eventually ended it i cried for hours i hated myself how could i do that to her why did i do that to her she came around one last time and i wanted to break down and cry and beg for her back but i had to pretend to be strong we shared a cigarette she cried we hugged kissed and she left the final goodbye will replay in my head forever i cried and yelled for 2 days straight and i found out that she had already moved on it felt like she had ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it spat on it and burnt it im sure she fucking hated me she fucked another guy so soon i fucking hated it i burnt every inch of my arm i even tried cutting myself but burns hurt more she likes this guy and its just lhbarflerbkjbSFEkSJ fuck this fuck everything i cant fucking finish this anyway this is the fucking story about me and the love of my life the one and only girl of my dreams the girl who i still to this second love with all i have left of my heart through thick and thin good and bad i still love you forever and always will -shane xx
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weareallfallengods · 4 years
Text
Reposting because I'm a disaster and don't know how to pin posts.
Survival
Inspiration: If you’re over 25 and haven’t done something remarkable, you are hunted down and killed. Some people invent things. Some make cures for diseases. Others become established members of their community. You’re pushing 30, and somehow not dead yet, even though you cant think of a single thing you’ve done thats remarkable in any way. Why aren’t you dead?
I write for adults about adult themes with adult language. I try to tag possible triggers (but I know I'm not going to get all of them), so if violence or implied death or cussing bothers you, you'll probably want to find a different author.
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Somehow, that date came up again. Not quite sure how, but somehow, the number circled on my shitty wall calendar with the coffee splatter on it managed to be today. Again. It's been doing that for 5 years now.
At first I wanted to be a surgeon- save people's lives, make a difference, all that shit. Yeah, I was caught up in the hype for a while too. Just like everyone. Thought I'd make some ground-breaking discovery and change the world. Just like everyone. And then, at 22, I flunked out of med school. That was it. Dream over, kaput, fin.
When I opened my termination letter, it was like reading a death sentence. 10 years of prep and study down the drain. 3 years left. 3 years, and no idea what to do. No clue what I could do to save my own life after all those years learning how to save others.I drank for a solid month. I dont even remember that month now. My only memento from it is an entire skip of liquor bottles. It's a miracle I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. Not that I didn't try.
See, I was afraid. Scared, actually. Terrified would be more accurate, if I'm honest. I knew I only had 3 years left until they came for me. Unless I managed to do something extraordinary within the next 3 years, they'd come for me, and the only thing that would remain is a 2 paragraph obituary in the local paper, followed by a vacancy announcement. When you're suddenly forced to confront your own imminent demise, and see every dream, hope and aspiration you'd had evaporate, right in front of your eyes, its perfectly natural to drown that in a swimming pool of vodka.
But then, after a month of drowning, and a week of curing a hangover that would make Satan shudder, I got angry. Like Bruce Banner angry. As I was leaving an all night diner, the notice board caught my eye. Having nothing better to do with my life, I stood there for a while just reading every single card in detail, every single lost cat, every used car, every 5k charity run. And then I saw it. And I thought, "You know what? Fuck it, why not. I've spent all this time trying to do one thing that I've never actually done just whatever I feel like, had hobbies, anything really. Why the fuck not."
And that's how I ended up 2 days later in some shity warehouse district, rolling around on a mat with some dude I didnt even know, sweating and swearing profusely and having the time of my life. "Sasha's Self Defense" it said on the small, weathered and rusted sign on the brick wall out front, next to a door that looked like it had been transported straight from the proverbial gulag.
I'd naively thought this was going to be one of those Karate Kid knock offs for some reason when I first arrived. Sasha soon disabused me of that notion. In fact, when he saw I'd brought a new gi in a duffle bag, he laughed so hard he had to slap his ass down on a rickety folding chair just to keep breathing. Once he calmed his mirth at my expense, he let me know in a no-nonsense, 'I'm an old-timer and seen some shit in my day' heavily accented tone that this would be a class that focused on survival at all costs. "No bullshit wax on-wax off," were his exact words I believe.
And boy was he right. When I told him I'd set aside my year's tuition for lesson payments, well, wouldn't you know it, I became his most prized pupil; I quickly learned this was not a good thing. It meant 14 hours a day of the most humiliatingly punishing activity ever dreamed up by Moscow's Finest. I couldnt even move the morning after my first day. But somehow I limped my battered frame down to the bus stop and was only an hour late. Ha, only. Sasha seemed to take it as a personal insult. The only thing he hated less than sloppiness was tardiness it seemed. Apparently the 10th Circle of Hell was reserved for those who dared be late. And he made you earn your way out of that circle.
His only saving grace was fairness. If I had to suffer, at least I wasnt alone. Well, at first anyway. The few other students that suffered his wrath along side me doing slavic folk dances with wrist and ankle weights very quickly learned that this wasn't the type of class they had thought it was and soon I was alone with Sasha.
On the days I did well, I got treated to pierogies. Oh man, I lived for those pierogies. They were made by angels and served by someone I can only describe as if Jesus came back as a woman. Who was Russian. And spoke even less english than Sasha, if that was possible. His sister was as completely opposite to that sadistic maniac as it was possible to be and still be a human being. Where he was loud, she was soft. Where he was tough, she was gentle. Where he was strict, she was generous, even indulgent. Blonde to his brunette. Slim to his barrel chest. Cousin by marriage, I think they said. Well, relatives of some kind anyway. And she was the only one who could make him laugh. And when he laughed, the whole block knew! He was just that loud, that boisterous, with everything he did.
But I loved his little Anya. Just like everyone. But like in a wholesome, mom-ish kind of way. I loved her because I got to sit for an hour when she was around. Because she"d always tuck a to-go container of pierogies into my bag. Because she'd chide Sasha for pushing me too hard. In short, she was an angel.
But I have to hand it Sasha- in 4 months, he took a scrawny bookworm into someone who could pose for Men's Health. In 6 months, I could beat Ivan, his partner, in 5/10 sparring matches. In 7 months, I ran a marathon. In 9, he had me enter a triathalon. And I made it into the top 50 out of 500 entrants. Not too bad if I say so myself. In 12 months, I was beating Ivan almost every time.
And that's when the other Ivan showed up. After a year, Sasha decided it was time I learned weaponry. After all, no real fight was fair, he said. And Ivan (another cousin? Sasha had one heck of an extended family) instructed me on everything from broken beer bottles, to knives and pool cues. And my medical training paid off, because more often than not, I was the one stitching myself up if training got a little rough that day.
Eventually, I moved into the gym. Not sure how it happened, but I think I just got too tired to leave one day and never really left. Sasha didnt seem to mind since it meant I wasnt ever late again. Plus the coffee he imported was the best thing ever. Like it was so good that's probably the Extraordinary Thing he did to live as long as he had.
The days just melted together, into one long symphony of beautiful exhaustion and physical torment, as I poured myself into the first activity I could remember doing purely because I wanted to, something that numbed the dread of the finality of my life expectancy.
But then one day, one specific day, the one I'd been dreading in the back of my mind for a year came around.
They found me.
I guess they were a little slow in finding me, not surprising since I'd basically just disappeared from my old life, no forwarding address type thing. It wasnt intentional, it just sort of happened, what with me diving head first into something purely for me, without the thought of doing it for someone else. But they found me. Just like they find everybody.
See, it doesnt matter if you try to run, if you move, or change your name. They always find you eventually. I just hadn't thought about it in a long while. That year was the first time since I was probably 14 that I'm hadn't thought about the Gardeners. I guess that's why it surprised me so much.
Yeah, Gardeners. I dont know who came up with the name, in guess some misguided attempt at a positive PR spin bullshit to pass off squads of government assassins who's only job was to track down the NCs of the world and eliminate them. Sorry, NCs- Non-Contributors; the people who hit their expiration date without doing something noteworthy, something that was deemed to "advance or bolster the Human Condition" to borrow a phrase from the civics classes we had to take every fucking year of school. A cutesy sounding name that was supposed to make the government sound like a benevolent old couple pulling weeds from their garden of humanity. The worst lies always sound the sweetest, dont they?
And I was now 25.
It happened a few weeks after my birthday. Just another routine day for me, going for a light 5k run after my soak in a mineral bath. Light rain, most of the streetlights out, the few lights on in the warehouse district reflected beautifully off the streets. That's why I ran at night, all the colors changed that normally bleak neighborhood into something beautiful. It was just one little thing to balance out the harshness of reality, and I reveled in it.
I don't actually remember what happened exactly. I do recall seeing a suspiciously conspicuous homeless guy huddled under a loading dock awning, and then just a flash of movement from the corner of my eye. I think it happened really quickly; at least that's what Sasha said the next morning as he was making arrangements for me to visit another cousin of his "back in the old country". It could have been. God, after seeing the bodies around me in the aftermath, I hope, for their sake, that it was fast. 5 bodies. All still. I still remember my breath turning to blue fog, blurring the details of them. Helping me to be able to pretend I didn't see the blood mixing with the rain and oil, spreading out over the concrete like a macabre inversion of the cloudy sky above.
I'm glad they wore masks. It's bad enough having that scene burned into my brain forever, without specific people's faces being etched there as well. I'm glad I dont see their faces in my mind every time I close my eyes. I just wish I could still enjoy the rain. They managed to take that from me, even if I'm still breathing, so I guess they didnt completely fail. They just killed a part of my soul instead. But hey, there's plenty of people that don't like the rain, right? But I bet they don't smell blood when it does though.
And that was pretty much it. No sirens, no manhunt, nothing. Before I could process what was happening, I was on a bus, headed for "the old country", which, as near as I could tell, looked an awful lot like Pittsburg. Sasha's 'cousin' met me at the bus depot there, a man of very few words. Not as loud as his cousin, Zhena tended to communicate with looks, grunts and shrugs mostly. Same work ethic though.
And then the cycle repeated- 14 months this time before they caught up with me. Too bad that Zhena got caught up in it, he was a great guy. He and I didn't really become close or buddies or anything, but it still hurt to see what happened to him. To what was left of him anyway. The Gardeners definitely were trying to send a message with that. To quote an old wise man, "I didnt want to know, but now I do, and I'm telling you, you dont want to know." And that's coming from someone who was training to become a surgeon, so just trust me on this one.
This time, they were waiting for me. I think they'd planned on Zhena being enough of a distraction that they'd be able to take me out easily, but since since I woke up the next day on the floor of the sparring ring in a too large pool of blood that wasnt my own, I'd say they failed. The difference this time was I was on my own. No 'cousins' to call in favors from. No family I could call because I didnt want them getting a visit from the Gardeners either. I was alone this time.
Weirdly, I was actually OK with that. I'd been surrounded by family, teachers, advisors, tutors for so long that solitude was actually kind of nice. I could hear myself think my own thoughts for the first time in what seemed like forever.
I'm not ashamed to say that I took what little of value there was from Zhena's gym (I knew him well enough to know that Sasha was his only family) so that I could get a seedy hotel for a while. I did at least have the decency to let Sasha know, and that that would be the last he ever heard from me, to keep him out of trouble. Bad enough that 10 people were already dead, I didn't want Sasha or Anya's name added to that list because of me.
And so I vanished. Completely. Sure I travelled, kept studying and training like I had been, but never staying longer than a few months, never using the same name, copying other random people's habits and patterns so I didnt have one of my own for them to track down. Yeah it was cliche, but hey, I figured my dad watching all those spy flicks when I was young had to be good for something, right?
Sometimes I was a baker, sometimes a delivery driver, even a dock hand. Whatever it took to make a buck so I could eat.
I got really good at other things too. Like disposing of bodies. Not really a skill I ever thought I'd want or need, but Necessity is a harsh and demanding teacher. Sadly, my skill as a surgeon came in handy- bodies are easier to get rid of when they're in smaller pieces. And people are easier to turn into bodies when you know how they're put together intimately. Not what I had in mind for my life, but since it was the choice between this or dying, well, I guess I can put up with it.
I suppose that catches us all up to the present, more or less. OK yeah theres a lot that's gone down between Pittsburg and now, but it was all pretty much the same: lather, rinse, repeat. Literally sometimes. Those were the days it felt like there wasnt enough soap in the world to get all the blood off.
So here I am, I'm my single room in Kandahar, staring at the date that had somehow come up again. Every year, they send someone. Usually a team. And I survive. No matter how they come at me, or when or how many. I survive.
And I'm sitting here, staring at the calendar, steaming cup of espresso, just staring, as a light breeze fluttered the corner of the calendar page, sending the orchids dancing in the vase next to it. All I could think is, "How? How does this keep happening? I'm not even supposed to be here, not supposed to be alive."
As I raised my cup of espresso, something slid under my door. "OK that's weird," I said aloud as I stood.
The chair made an ungodly screech as I pushed it back and made my way over to where a small, cream colored envelope sat on the floor, a couple inches from the bottom of the door. It was heavy for it's size, but not because anything was in it, just the paper was that thick. Probably hand-made. It's odd the little things you notice in times of stress. Heavy, rough paper, no postmark, nothing written on the outside, just the flap tucked in, not even sealed. Reminded me of how my mother used to give out birthday cards. I always thought that was a little weird, but it was just one of her quirks that made her even more endearing to everyone.
I sat down a little heavier than I had planned and felt the chair crack a little. There was a single sheet of paper inside, folded in half; I was right- handmade paper. But that wasnt important, what was important was the heavy, blocky hand-written message it contained.
"We've been looking for you for a long time. It has come to my attention that you may have something unique to contribute after all. We may have been too hasty in judging your Ability to be a Contributor. I believe you do actually have a remarkable Ability to Survive. I'd like to speak to you this afternoon in the plaza outside the Blue Mosque. I will be alone, and you can approach me, so as to allay your justifiable suspicions. I will have a silver coffee set on the table in front of me.
I believe we can help each other, if you're willing to listen to my proposition.
-Soon,
Baddar"
Well, this is interesting.
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