#but at least those critiques were targeting things he did and not his personal appearance

[tooweirdforyou]

Riceballs » Trafalgar Law

A/N: inspired by this anon! I SO HAD TO WRITE THIS OMG! ( once I find it I’ll link it :’) )

note : this is to make up for the lack of writing I’m doing. I’m working on that Shanks nsfw that Rose anon asked for, a haikyuu event piece, a Tokyo Revengers Mikey oneshot, and chapter 2 of Target atm.. plus some personal things going on ! Forgive me!! :)

It’s real short so I apologize! ^^;;

Summary : offering to make Law a snack turns out to be a little more difficult than you imagined. Fortunately, Law is there to save the day.

-

“Lawwww?”

Peering into the room, your head sticking into his office, you gave a cute smile to the doctor, who eventually looked up at the door.

“What is it?”

You lean into the room more, gripping onto the door so you don’t fall before smiling at him. “You hungry?~”

Book still in hand, the doctor’s dead tired eyes looks up you and your excitement for a minute before shaking his head.

“Not really. I’m studying something so I don’t—“

“Studying again, huh?” You drawl out the last word before entering the room. “What is it this time?”

Law sits up and sets the opened book onto the desk flat and explains. “I’m studying the human bones, inspecting specifically, the phalanges and their-“ you let out an awkward hum.

“Er.. I don’t really understand since I’m not really knowledgeable in the science and biology department but you’re working hard!”

You smile brightly, and despite cutting him off, Law secretly adored your bright look.

( even if you reminded him of a particular straw hat ).

“So, as a reward, I’ll make you some rice balls, okay? Keep working, I’ll be back!”

Before he could protest, you run out excitedly and shut the door, dashing to the kitchen to get started on the doctor’s lunch.

Law blinks silently at the doorway before exhaling gently. “..okay.”

You were a handful, but he appreciated your efforts.

“Time to get to work!”

You clench fists into determination, clothed in an apron and a hair pulled back from your face. A smile plasters your face as you stare blankly at the kitchen table.

. . .

“What am I supposed to do?”

You sweat drop, still wearing a smile before humming. “Rice balls.. well, rice!”

Washing your hands, you go over to the rice cooker pot and open the lid up, scooping a spoonful of rice out and dumping it onto your hands.

“A-Ah, hot-! Hot! Hot!”

You hiss and toss the rice back and forth between your two hands, the rice sticking to some parts of your hand as it burns you.

Gloves. After plopping the rice onto an empty plate, you wash your hands again to cool it and slipped on some gloves to prevent sticking and hopefully, burning.

“Okay, rice is cooling and I can touch it now.. what next?”

You think back to Sanji’s rice balls he made when you visited once and snap your fingers. “Seaweed!”

Humming a tune, you go over to the cabinets and began looking for the sheets of seaweed to put on the rice.

Upon looking for it, you find some other stuff that seems to be good add-ons for the rice balls.

“Maybe eggs.. and soy sauce.. there’s some meat and fish left over so I can add those... sriracha, hoisin sauce.. these can add flavor! Pepper for some nice spice.. salt..?.. hm..”

As you mindlessly grabbed ingredients, your determination to create some delicious rice balls for Law’s hard work makes you blind to what you’re really doing to the rice but.. it was too late.

You were currently having the time of your life making these rice balls.

“Law’s going to love it!~ <3”

“...”

Law looks up from his book to see the time, seeing about an hour having passed since you came in.

“Did something happen?”

The doctor exhales gently and closes his book with small gesture before getting up from his desk, pushing his chair in.

Walking to the door, Law leaves his room and begins heading to the kitchen, preparing for what was there.

And when he finally made it, he’s speechless.

“. . .”

Upon the door opening, you glance at the entrance and widen your eyes with delight.

“Oh, Law. I was going to take these to you, but since you’re here, come eat!”

Despite the kitchen in quite the disarray, on the table were various small plates with a variety of rice balls with different sizes and appearances.

“Each one is different, so give it a try!”

Some looked edible and decent, while others were dark, red, mushed or just completely flat with indescribable and indiscernible items inside.

“Did you.. spend the whole hour making these?..”

Law mumbles, mixed feelings churning up inside him, or perhaps it was just his own insides at the sight of a few of them.

“Just for you!~ Don’t they look amazing?”

Law doesn’t say anything and the bright smile still being worn by you, fades just a little.

Your hands that were being your back, is pulled to your front and you let your smile completely fade and falter away, catching Law’s attention as you look at your red, burned and cut hands in front of you.

“Amazingly horrible, right?...”

The sight of your hands makes Law widens his eyes but you continue to speak before he can.

“I know it’s not good.. I.. don’t know how to make rice balls..” You admit, clenching your hands softly that it still stung.

Tears well up in your eyes in the embarrassment and failure sinking in. “But.. I still wanted to make something good for you to eat.. because you work so hard, and-!”

You sniff and wipe your tears with your forearm, before it could fall. “I’m silly, aren’t I? I just want to help you because you’re my captain and..”

“It’s not bad.”

You widen your eyes with a gasp and watch Law take a bite out of one of the rice balls. It seems to be the one with soy sauce put in.

“I understand what you were going for, the idea isn’t bad but the execution and technique needs some work.” Law critiques, biting once more silently into it before finishing it.

Swallowing the last bit of it, he turns to you and offers a small smile. “Thank you, [Name]. You worked hard to make these for me, I appreciate it. I’ll enjoy these.”

He then walks towards you and brings his hand up to brush a stray tear away from your eyes with his thumb.

The blush that spreads across your cheeks become visible as you stare in awe at your Captain.

“Don’t cry. Once I finish these, let’s make some rice balls together for the crew. It’s almost dinner time after all, and we’ll even share some of yours with them. Not all of them though.”

You snap out of your daze at his last comment. “S-Sure, but why not?”

Law looks up at you with a raised brow.

“What do you mean? These are originally for only me, right? I’m not sharing this reward given by you. It’s mine.”

“!” Your blush darkens as you sniffle and smile brightly again, giggling as your heart beats against your chest. “Okay!”

-

A/N : I’m so sorry this is so short and so sorry for the lack of content lately! :(

AT LEAST I FINALLY WROTE THIS THOUGH!

#tooweirdforyou #one piece #one piece x reader #op x reader #x reader #op #one piece writing #trafalgar d. water law x reader #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar law #law x reader #one piece law

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

↝ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ: having them crash your date

↝ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ: aomine x f!reader

↝ ᴡᴄ: 1500+ 

↝ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: wanting to kill aomine for being aomine, being an ass during a date, kissing, using someone to make another jealous. 

↝ ᴀ/ɴ: first time writing for aomine... hope it’s alright LMAO this is a college au btw. 

The restaurant selected for your date was rated four out of five stars on the internet. It was classified as fine dining and proclaimed to be the ideal location to celebrate a special occasion or to impress a potential client. What the numerous websites did not state was that it attracted a certain type of crowd – those who did not care for the ridiculous prices attached to their small portions. 

When the hostess guided you and your date to your reserved table, the customers you slipped on past raised an eyebrow at you, easily detecting the one person who did not belong. Instead of cowering under their targeted stares, you fixed a smile onto your mouth, ignoring the crawling sensation spreading throughout your arms.

You would survive this one date – you had to. It was your fault for arguing with that idiot, and for accepting an invitation solely to further piss Daiki off. The thought of that insufferable male prompted a hallow melody to dance up your throat, though you were quick to swallow the sound.

How dare he call you undesirable? Coming from someone who lacked any notable characteristics, that was rich. An idiot. Aomine Daiki was a complete idiot.

But who was the bigger idiot here? You or him? He wasn’t the one who was on a date with someone who was probably cheating on their wife, and he wasn’t the one caught in a traditional game of unrequited love.

“Have you found something you like?” The blonde male did not bother to secure eye contact, instead his icy irises scanned the menu ahead of him. “Shall I call the waitress over?”

“I did, thank you.” There was no point in maintaining a polite smile, particularly when your date would be unaware of its existence, yet it remained plastered on your visage. They say that if you smile during uncomfortable moments, it can trick the brain into thinking you are truly happy. And if that did not work, you could always employ your secret weapon – the flask of vodka in your jacket pocket. Under the influence of alcohol, even someone as bland as your date could become interesting, or at least bearable.

“Perfect.” Bringing the booklet to a close, he gestured the waitress over with a short wave. The fluidity of the motion had you questioning how many times he had brought someone here, was this his special spot?

Or were your perceptions merely a product of your imagination?

The following thirty minutes made you realize it was the latter. There was nothing interesting about the wealthy man sat ahead of you. And you almost felt guilty accepting his invite, since he was quite serious about finding a future wife.

“As I was saying…”

Accidentally tuning out the latest story he was narrating, your attention drifted across the establishment. It was at this point that you caught visual of a pair that did not appear to belong, just like you.

Astonishment morphed into disgust when your eyes locked with his – the damn reason you were here.

“Hiii, y/n-chan!” The pink haired girl sang out the greeting, bouncing towards your table with Daiki trailing behind. Those seated around you grunted in irritation at the disturbance, but your date wore a blank expression. Though, from the twitch of his eyebrows, you assumed he was at least mildly interested in those preparing to approach him. “How funny! We were just passing by when we saw you from the windows!”

The deceitful answer was coated with a sugary tone and accompanied by a wide-eyed expression. The deadly combination seemed to have satisfied the man sat ahead of you. In fact, he seemed far too smitten with Momoi to notice the large male standing behind her. But you on the other hand, could not remove your attention from Aomine – not for a single second. Everything about the athlete had your emotions flaring.

How could he stand there so casually?

No longer entertained by the deadly glaring match you engaged him in, Aomine took in his surroundings with a quick scan of the space. It was as if he was evaluating your decision, and most likely critiquing it mentally. 

The last thing you needed was his judgement.

“Are these friends of yours?” The question implanted a wedge into your concentration, guiding your gaze back to the blonde.

Did you accidentally tune him and Momoi out? From the matching expressions painted on the pair ahead of you, it seemed you did.

“Yeah, kinda.” The qualifier was a lackluster attempt to capture the blue haired male’s attention. Surprisingly, it worked. Aomine had shot you a lazy grin in return.

“Then you are welcome to join us.”

The invitation came far too swiftly for you to successfully curtail it. Further, neither Aomine nor Momoi missed a beat, claiming the empty chairs without hesitation. When the athlete settled onto the chair beside you, he inched it closer to yours, before stretching out his spine. The sloppiness of his movements was in stark contrast with the elegant mannerisms of his best friend.

“Thank you so much!” A bright smile was flashed to display her gratitude, whereas Aomine offered an unenthusiastic “thanks.” The blonde simply nodded to acknowledge their words. But it was quite clear that so long as Momoi was present, he would bypass any other distractions. Including the large male who was practically pressed against your side.  

Typical.

Once the pair officially joined your date, the atmosphere loosened considerably. However, the change was restricted to your table. For a moment you soaked in the change with a titter threatening to spill from your lips. Watching Momoi cast a spell on the one who was once set out to woo you was amusing to say the least.

“That’s your type?” The male beside you adjusted himself after vocalizing the question. And whether he was stretching his neck or tilting his head inquisitively was unknown, but the movement brought him dangerously close to you.

Flickering your gaze to the minimal space between his head and your shoulder, you cursed yourself internally for the fluttering sensation inside of your stomach.

“So, what if it is?” A small “hmph” was tactically added to your response.

“Never pictured you being into an old rich guy. Does he know you hate places like these?” The basketball player remained slouched in his seat for a few more seconds before settling into a comfortable position. 

Was he serious right now? 

“Shut up and keep your voice down.” The demands were whispered in a stern tone, but you doubted it would work. 

Unsurprisingly, he returned your hiss with short-lived laughter.

From the opposite side of the table, your date’s attention briefly returned to you – a natural reaction to the vigorous sound. He was seconds from becoming more aware of the scenario unfolding around him, but Momoi was prompt in eliminating his concentration.

“Oh, tell me what I should get!” A menu was then placed before him, to remove you from his line of sight. The artificial behaviour did not catch you off guard, you knew the two of them were scheming – a fact confirmed by the startled expression she exchanged with Aomine prior to opening the menu.

“I don’t know what you’re up to but stop it.” Exhaling a sigh, you propped an elbow onto the table before resting your cheek against your palm. 

But did you really want them to stop? Not really. This was the most enjoyment you had since you arrived. Not that you would let him know that.

“What we’re up to?” He echoed with a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “What about you? What are you doing here, y/n? Are you here to prove you’re desirable?”

His words visibly stunned you at first.  

Aomine knew exactly how to push your buttons, and his style of teasing was ridiculously potent. To refrain from acting on your urge to attack him physically, you curled your fingers in and grinded your teeth together.

“Aomine. You ass-”

Your lips were about to complete the curse when he connected his mouth with yours. It did not require much to close the distance due to the limited spacing that existed in the first place. Inside of your chest a parade had commenced, one that matched the metaphorical fireworks that accompanied the kiss. 

You knew it was wrong. Your date was sat right ahead of you, albeit hidden behind the remarkably large menu. Yet, you enjoyed it. 

When you instinctively tried to push away, he placed a hand at the back of your neck, keeping you in place. With each passing second your resolve melted until it no longer remained. A minute felt like an eternity, and when Aomine settled back in his seat, a flustered groan vibrated inside of your throat.

“Oi. Satsuki. Let’s go. I want a burger.” After tending to the crick in his neck, the athlete raised from the chair, purposefully ignoring the bewildered expression being presented up at him.

On cue, Momoi slapped the menu shut and stood up. “Okay! So sorry for disturbing you two. We’ll be on our way now.”

Your narrowed gaze slowly travelled from Aomine to the pink haired girl, who dipped an eyelid into a wink at you.

What the hell.

You could barely comprehend what occurred and watching them leave only increased your bemusement. Across the table, your date questioned if you were alright. Pressing your palms against your face, you shook your head with another groan. 

No, you were not alright. 

You were in love with the Aomine Daiki, the biggest idiot to exist. 

Which meant you... would never be “alright.” 

Taglist: @newfriendjen @yourstarvic @bloody-bella @seijurosempress​ @haikyuusimp91 @chaichai-the-weeb [only tagging those who I know watch KnB lmao] 

#aomine x you #aomine x reader #aomine x y/n #aomine scenario #knb x reader

[winter-soldier-vibes]

You just have to keep trying (Sebastian Stan x reader)

You just have to keep trying

Sebastian Stan x reader

Warnings: eating disorder(various behaviors and ‘mantras’), negative self talk/worthlessness, panic attacks/anxiety 

Word count: 4268

Summary: Sebastian and Reader are dating, and while Sebastian is away filming, some comments get to you. You start developing eating disorder behaviors, and a concerned friend reaches out to Sebastianw.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, it was really hard for me to write and I had to take a few days for myself before I could finish it. This one is really personal for me to write, and I don’t mean to be insensitive towards anyone. This is just written based on my personal experience and what I think would help me. If any of you are struggling with anything mentioned here and you need someone to talk to, relate to, or rant to, I’m all ears. This isn’t something to go through alone. Also I know this may seem like an unrealistic solution and it’s not always this easy, but this is fanfiction and I used some phrases that helped me. It’s often never as easy as reassurance, but it does help. Again, I’m sorry if this is triggering or insensitive to anyone out there, I just really enjoyed writing it and imagining someone caring as much as I wrote here. Stay safe.

----------------

It wasn’t easy dating an actor. 

There was media attention, often unwanted, in every corner of your life. Interpretations of everything you did, said, and posted. Comments of your relationship, what you say, what you wear, what you also don’t say. Assumptions were made about your entire life and you just wanted to scream at them to shut up. They didn’t really know you, and they’d do anything for a headline. 

But it was all worth it to you. You loved Sebastian very much, and wouldn’t trade what the two of you had for the world. He was everything you wanted. But the goddamn media were ruthless.

He told you to ignore it. And you tried and were successful for a while. But eventually hearing the same shit over and over again just ate away at you. Now it was easier to believe them than it was to believe yourself.

Somethings were less bothersome than others. You knew your love for Sebastian was real, and no headline ever made you doubt that. It was the critiques on you, and everything you did and said, that really got to you. Specifically when it was targeting your appearances.

You never had a problem with your confidence. It never really occurred to you that your appearances mattered or would matter, so you didn’t really focus on it. But it was different now. Suddenly everyone cares and is saying that you should look different, that you don’t deserve him, that you weren’t good enough. And on top of that there were the comments of everyone reading these articles and posts. 

Currently you were scrolling through Instagram. Sebastian was God knows where shooting for a new movie. He had been gone for a few weeks and you weren’t sure when he was coming back. You were scrolling through a bunch of old photos of the two of you together. You loved all of these when they were taken and posted, but now was a completely different story.

More than half of the comments were negative, and 75% of those were directed towards you. You didn’t think it would bother you like it was, and you intended to only read a few before moving on. But it was a wormhole - as much as you wanted to stop reading you couldn’t bring yourself to look away.

There were tears in your eyes but you didn’t really care. You wanted the honest truth of what people thought about you. Sebastian told you their opinions didn’t mean anything, but after a while you thought he was just being nice. 

What does he even see in her?

What makes her so special?

God she’s disgusting

He could have anyone, why her?

Anyone else hate this chick as much as I do?

The last one had over 300 likes.

You finally put your phone down and got up, making your way into the bathroom. You studied yourself in the mirror, looking for every possible flaw that was there. And you found a lot of them. It hurt, but you needed to do this if things were going to get any better.

Your hips were too wide, waist not pulled taut enough, a bit of flab here, too thin there… everything seemed out of proportion to you. Your skin was a mess, your hair was flat and dull, it just seemed like everything was wrong. No wonder people were tearing you apart and saying you weren’t good enough. They were right.

This was the start of something very new for you. You decided to take things into your own hands, make yourself better. You had heard how celebrities went on crazy diets to lose weight for a role, and you wound up pulling inspiration from them. It started fairly small and almost harmless. You were counting calories and doing more cardio. It was fine.

But then it wasn’t.

It became much too addicting, much too fast. It started slowly. There was one day where you had an extremely busy schedule and you ended up forgetting to eat and before you knew it, it was 9 pm. You really did intend to eat something, but then it occurred to you that you could just...go to bed.

You started skipping meals, loving the way that hunger made you feel. You felt more focused, more alert, just overall stronger. You kept telling yourself that hunger makes you stronger, and that eating was for the weak. And you wanted to prove everyone wrong, and if denying some hunger was the way to do that then so be it.

Sometimes you would indulge in your body’s cries for help, eating anything you could. But as soon as you realized what you were doing, panic would overtake you. The first time you frantically tried to find an option, which eventually led you to the bathroom hunched over the toilet. After that you threw up anything you ended up eating, no matter how small.

You took weight loss inspiration quotes to a dangerous level. Anytime you would walk to the fridge you would tell yourself that ‘fat lasts longer than flavor,’ or ‘minutes on the lips forever on the hips’. After that it wasn’t that hard to walk away. 

You were working out a lot more too, and found that addicting. You pushed yourself until you basically fell over from exhaustion. Then you would give yourself a break. But absolutely no rest days. You didn’t deserve them. Not yet, at least.

You stopped going out with your friends. They would invite you to a bar or dinner but you would always decline. It was easier that way. You were losing weight of course, and rapidly at that. You didn’t see it, you saw things that still needed work. But your hair was beginning to fall out, you were always tired, and just generally felt like shit. You were never overweight in the first place, so your ribs were beginning to just out, and you could see your hip bones for the first time in your life. But this only egged you on. It should have scared you, but you liked it. You thought it was progress.

You hadn’t seen anyone in weeks, and you had been doing this to yourself for months. You would still talk to Sebastian on the phone most days, and text on the days you didn’t. You didn’t dare tell him about any of this for fear he would try to stop you. You weren’t good enough yet. That was all that you really wanted. You would give everything you had just to feel like you were good enough.

Eventually, your friends started getting really concerned. Denying a girl’s night here and there was nothing to worry about, but weeks of near radio silence prompted them to come and check on you. One day they knocked on your door, and you padded over to it, still in your workout gear.

They nearly passed out when they saw you.

You were gaunt, dark circles under your eyes, pale, and just...smaller than you were. You weren’t hiding behind your usual baggy clothes that kept you warm, exposing how much weight you had lost. You thought everything was normal, but they were absolutely freaking out. This wasn’t you.

“Are you okay?” y/b/f/n asked after a few moments of stunned silence.

You shrugged. “Yeah. why wouldn’t I be?”

They swallowed. “Y/n, you look...sick.”

You rolled your eyes, frustrated. “Gee, thanks.” That did absolutely nothing for your self esteem. “Look, I’m fine and I have work to do. So thank you, but please just leave.” You shut the door on them.

They stood there stunned for a few minutes outside the door, worried as hell about you. Eventually they decided to leave, but they couldn’t stop thinking about you. They sat in their car, trying to think of what to do. But then they remembered something.

A few years ago when the two of you were getting serious, Sebastian had given them his phone number in case something happened to you while he was away. They had never had to use it before, but now seemed like an appropriate time. They scrolled through their contacts until they found him, and started typing.

‘Hey this is y/b/f/n. Something’s wrong with y/n.’

Within a couple of minutes, he called back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, worry filling his voice.

They sighed. “I’m not sure. I hadn’t heard or seen her in a few weeks and I went to check on her today and she’s just…” they shook their head. “She’s lost a lot of weight. She looks sick, Sebastian. I don’t know what’s going on but I barely recognized her when she opened that door.”

On the other side of the line, Sebastian was freaking out. He was in between takes on set, but he walked off to a more private place to have this conversation. “Did you try to talk to her?”

“She said she was fine and shut the door.”

He rubbed a hand over his face. Sighing, he said “Alright. I’ll tell the director something came up. I’ll be there tomorrow. Thank you, y/b/f/n.”

“Thank you.”

--------------------------------------------

The day continued normally for you. You worked out some more, busied yourself with different things around the house, avoided eating like it was poison. Your usual routine. You hated what you were doing to yourself. You wanted to stop but you just didn’t think that was an option yet. You thought you had to get to a certain image, a certain weight, or just reach some kind of destination before you tried to change. But you weren’t there yet.

You tried to sleep, couldn’t sleep, tried again, and then eventually gave up and settled for the 1 hour you were able to get. You got ready for your day as normal: workout gear and to the gym. When you came home, you showered and went to lie down again. You were so exhausted but you didn’t feel like there was anything you could do.

You don’t know how long you were there, but the sound of a door closing brought you back into awareness. You sat up, confused as to who was here. Sebastian always told you when he was coming home.

“Y/n?”

You perked up, knowing it was Sebastian’s voice. You practically ran into the main room to hug him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around you, immediately stiffening. “Oh my God,” he whispered. Underneath your sweater he could feel your bones jutting out and you were smaller than he remembered. He had only been gone for about 2 months, what the hell had happened?

He pulled back a lot sooner than you would have liked. But when you looked at his face, you were surprised to see him looking at you extremely concerned. “What’s wrong Seb?”

He looked you up and down and shook his head a little “What happened to you?”

You smiled a little, oblivious. “What do you mean?”

“You - you’ve lost so much weight. You look sick, yn, just - what the hell happened?”

You looked away for a second, stepping back and crossing your arms. You didn't know what to say. Sebastian stepped forward and grabbed both your shoulders, forcing you to look at him. Gently but firmly, he asked again “Y/n, tell me what happened.”

You shifted your gaze away from him. “I just wanted to be better.”

Sebastian felt his body go cold. “When was the last time you ate?” You shrugged your shoulders and shook your head, not knowing what to tell him. You didn’t even know the answer yourself. He sighed. “This isn’t because of some stupid reporter, is it?”

Your lack of words and the tensing of your body was enough of an answer for him. “You know that they are trained to rip people apart? They don’t know what it’s making you feel. Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Because I don’t fucking deserve you! You could literally have anyone you wanted, I just don’t understand why you chose me! I don’t understand why you’d want me, just….” you shook your head. “I’m not good enough.”

He stayed silent  for a few moments, not knowing what you meant. He had no idea you felt this down on yourself. “What do you mean?”

You looked away from him again. “Sometimes I just don’t understand. You’re absolutely perfect in every single way and then I'm just here. I don’t get why or how you could love me.”

He closed the space between the two of you and hugged you again, firmly but not as tightly as usual. He was afraid he would hurt you. He felt tears pricking his eyes as well. His girl, his y/n, was wasting away because she didn’t feel good enough for him, when usually he thought it was the opposite. It broke his heart knowing that you had done this to yourself for him or some ignorant reporter. You were crying because you thought this would be the end of it. You didn’t think it was possible for him to love you after something like this.

“Babe, listen to me. I need you to hear me out here. I love you so much. I love you for who you are, who you were, and everything you could be. And nothing would ever change that. You are absolutely perfect to me no matter what. And because of that it breaks my heart to know what you’ve been doing to yourself. You don’t have to change, especially not for me. Hurting yourself like this cannot be an option, okay?”

Tears had begun to fall from his eyes and you were shaking in his embrace. “I’m sorry,” you choked out. You felt him shake his head before he said “You don’t have to be sorry. You just have to trust me. Can you do that?”

Your heart was melting. “Why are you so nice to me?” you asked quietly.

He let out a shaky breath, trying his best to hold it together for you. “Because I love you more than anything. And I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to you.”

You buried your face further into his chest, letting out another sob. He tightened his grip on you and kissed the top off your head, scared you would disappear at any second. He swallowed back his own tears, knowing he needed to be the strong one here.

“Please, y/n, let me help you.”

You nodded into his chest, feeling a sickening sense of relief and terror. To be honest you were mostly petrified as to what was to come. You had spent months telling yourself you deserve to starve, and you still believed most of it. You knew deep down it was a problem and you wanted to let Sebastian help you, but you were so scared of disappointing him or yourself. 

By this point, it was early afternoon. The two of you spent a few hours on the couch, you curled up to him and his arms protectively around you. He kept telling you how much he loved you and how you were beautiful, and you would do your best to believe him and ignore the voice in your head telling you it was all a lie. In all honesty you got more distracted as time went on. You knew he would want to make you dinner and you couldn’t ignore the anxiety growing more as the time went on.

You weren’t going to bring it up, and you were just waiting for him to. He was nervous to bring it up too. He didn’t want you to be uncomfortable or trigger you, but there was no way that he could let you skip another meal. You had already gone far too long without eating anything. He shifted in his seat and tensed a little, and you sighed, knowing what was coming.

“So...uh..”

“I don’t know,” you finished for him. You looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m not sure what I’d want or even could eat. It’s so stupid trying to explain it to someone else…” you shook your head and closed your eyes. “It makes sense in my head but it doesn’t when I say it out loud.”

He sighed a little, brushing your hair with one of his hands. “It can be something small,” he said gently. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

You felt tears in your eyes again as you brought your hand to your stomach, running it down your ribcage, feeling the divots. It was a nervous habit you had developed whenever you thought about eating, and you cursed yourself for doing it now. “It’s embarrassing Seb.” you said quietly. 

Sebastian didn’t stop his movements, looking down at you. “What can I do to make it better?” he asked, feeling so helpless in this situation. He wanted to take all of your pain away but there isn’t a quick way to heal the mind. He had learned that himself a long time ago. You shrugged, not knowing the answer yourself. 

You took a deep breath. “Nothing’s going to be easy Seb. I think it’d just be easier if you chose something and then just sit with me or something. I don’t know… God I feel like an idiot right now -”

“Hey,” Sebastian stopped you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Whatever you need babe.” He gave you a smile before he stood up, and you curled into the corner of the couch, bringing your knees to your chest. Your heart was pounding and your mind was racing. You had no idea how you were going to be able to do this, you could barely eat on your own out of shame, how were you expecting to eat in front of the man you loved? 

Meanwhile, Sebastian was trying to think of something that would be easiest for you to eat while still providing sustenance. He didn’t want you to be uncomfortable, but he also didn’t want to enable you. 

Eventually he came back out with two plates of food, one holding less than the other. (Insert whatever you want here for the meal). He gave the smaller portion to you with a small smile and you were trying your best to hide the trembling of your hand as you took it from him. You ended up counting the calories with the blink of an eye before you could stop yourself, and cursed your mind because you didn’t think that there was a way that you could eat that much. Even if you knew logically you burned more calories in your workout that morning.

You begna bouncing your leg up and down, tears building once again. You didn’t want to disappoint him, but you couldn't stop the anxiety building inside you. “I’m sorry,” you said shaking your head and covering your mouth. Your breathing was becoming uneven, and your heart rate was increasing as well. Which only made you more anxious. 

Sebastian moved both plates out of the way before wrapping his arms around you again. You were so embarrassed, having an anxiety attack around something as stupid as food. You felt so weak and stupid. Your leg was moving uncontrollably at this point, and you barely had any control over your breathing anymore. Your hands balled into fists and you buried your head into his chest out of shame. 

You kept trying to spit out apologies but you couldn’t catch your breath long enough to do so. He just tightened his arms around you, hushing you whenever you tried to speak. “Y/n I need you to try to breathe with me, can you try that? Just try to match mine.” He started taking deep breaths, chest rising and falling slowly and you tried your best to match his. It took a few minutes but eventually your breathing evened out. Once the panic had washed away you started crying harder, more out of shame and embarrassment than anything else. 

“I’m sorry, I know it’s so stupid -”

“It’s not stupid y/n.” he said gently but firmly. “It’s okay to be anxious.”

You shook your head against his chest. “Not when it’s about something as silly as food.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid. Thoughts don’t make sense all the time, but that doesn’t make them fact. You’re just having a rough time right now, but beating yourself up over it is only going to make it harder.” 

God, you love this man. 

The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, him rubbing a hand through your hair gently like before. He knew you had always liked that. You closed your eyes, wanting this moment to go on forever, but knowing you would have to eat something at some point. 

“Do you think you could try to eat something? Please?”

You took a deep breath before nodding again, pulling away from him. You grabbed your plate and played around with it for a minute or so before you began eating. You wanted to make Sebastian happy, but you were terrified as well. You didn’t exactly know why, logically speaking. You had thoughts running through your mind of weight gain, but you also knew logically that one meal wouldn’t cause it, and that you were too skinny anyways.

You knew that logically. But your mind wasn’t exactly a logical place to be right now.

You weren’t able to eat everything, but you ate more than you thought you would be able. To. you apologized for the nth time that night, and Sebastian stopped you before you could finish. “Don’t be. I’m proud of you.” he said with a smile as he brought the plates to the kitchen. He was nervous to say the least. You hadn’t eaten much, but again, it was a start. Everyone needs to start somewhere.

He hadn’t told you that he had come home in the middle of shooting to check on you. He didn’t tell you that he had initially said he’d be gone for a week before pushing it back even further, realizing you needed him at the moment. You were more important to him, and he honestly didn’t care if he got fired. He’d find another job at some point. 

He stayed with you for the next few weeks, helping you in every aspect. He made sure you deleted all social media apps on your phone, so you weren’t inclined to look at toxic comments. He helped you tone down your time in the gym and take rest days. He made sure you ate something at each meal. It started out small, and gradually he helped you to eat more. He sat with you through all the panic attacks and tears, and the times you would lash out at him. He never took it personally.

There were slip ups. Times where you snuck out at night to go for a run, or when you would find yourself throwing up after the anxiety got to be too much. He wouldn’t get angry with you, just offer you a sad smile and hug you. You would apologize and he would assure you it wasn’t your fault. “It’s not going to be perfect, you just have to keep trying.”

He would never stop telling you that you were beautiful and how much he loved you. You couldn’t help but feel like a burden to him at first, but as time went on you began to believe him more and more. 

Months later and it was still a daily struggle. You had bad days, slip ups, and days where you just wanted to quit. But Sebastian never left your side through all of it, and eventually you were able to pull yourself out of your own darkness. You were able to catch yourself in your negative thoughts before you descended too far down the wormhole. You were starting to feel happy again, more like who you had been.

The two of you were watching a movie, laughing over some funny line that had been said. There was popcorn in between the two of you and you just felt happy. After a few moments, you looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you.”

He smiled back down at you. “For what?”

“Helping me believe in myself again.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian x reader #comfort #eatingdisordercomfort #tw eating disorder #tw panic attack #tw anxiety #tw anorexia #tw self hate #sebastian stan comfort #fluff #imagine

[r3almellow]

MLQC Boys With A Famous S/o

Here we go! Thank you anon for this request I hope its to your liking!! Apologies for typos as always!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kiro (YouTuber S/o)

How did you meet ?

You were a YouTuber that had over 500,000 subscribers. During a Mukbang Q&A video you received a question in regards to your celebrity crush. 

“I think the big ass poster currently behind me kind of gives it away, but my ultimate crush is Kiro. I’d give anything to meet him at least once.” You went even as far as to give him a shout out. “Hey, super star! I heard you were a big foodie and since you like to eat and I like to eat, maybe we can eat together sometime? Okay, that was dumb, please ignore this!”

Little did you know, Kiro was a huge fan of your videos and just so happened to see your request. Next thing you knew a clip of you “shooting your shot” made its way to his social media page with a caption of “Its a date ;)” right above it. You just about died when you saw his post. You were only joking around! Well...not 100% joking, but you didn’t expect him to respond! 

You spent weeks talking to each other through private messages soon after. Your messages filled with gushing over your similar interests, playful banters and light flirting. He offered to be a part of your next Mukbang stating that it was better to have two people eating themselves into a coma on camera than one. You couldn’t argue with facts and took him up on his offer! Kiro only had one condition...you let him take you out on a date afterwards.

And the rest was history. 

Dating

The cutest couple to have ever existed! 

Both of your social media pages are filled with couple photos. 

You both get to dress up in disguise whenever you go on dates! A baseball cap, sunglasses, and face masks are your usual go to’s, but depending on where you’re going you might be required to get a little creative. 

Dealing with overly excited fans and even more persistent paparazzi was a bit new for you, since your interactions with people is mostly through the internet, but you handle it pretty well.

Interviewers practically threw themselves onto every opportunity to get information about your love life. Kiro was more skilled than you about these things, so you tend to just laugh awkwardly and let him take care of it. 

Kiro appears a little more in your videos whenever he’s free which the fans are grateful for. Of course, your channel doesn’t turn into all things Kiro and you never use him for your own personal gain. 

Dating Kiro did open up some opportunities for you, like getting to experience award shows and networking with other celebrities and content creators. Again, you refused to throw Kiro’s name around just to get the things you wanted. 

You both like to bounce ideas off of each other, whether its for his music or for your latest video. Having two creative minds come together does wonders! 

You’re almost always somewhere in the background during his live streams.  

Gavin (Actress S/o)

How did you meet? 

High school. You were a part of the drama club and Gavin was...well...forced into being a part of the stagehand after being threatened with expulsion from his last brawl. 

You were the first one to welcome him. You were kind, funny, and cute. And when you were on that stage? Mesmerizing was the best way to put how Gavin saw you. You were inspiring. 

After graduation Gavin lost contact with most of his acquaintances, but he never once stopped thinking about you. Gavin wasn’t big on celebrity news, but he actually kept up with your progress once he got wind of a newcomer taking the entertainment world by storm. 

Fast forward to a few years later and he was playing bodyguard for one of the most successful actresses in the world. You. This was just an undercover job that was going to last as long as his target was still out there. 

There was definitely chemistry between you. And while Gavin wanted to act on his feelings, his work had to come first. You respected that, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to let him know you were interested. How could you not be? You had a huge crush on him back in high school and now that he was by your side practically every day those feelings came back with a vengeance! 

As soon as Gavin’s objective was complete he continues being your bodyguard stating, “Only I can keep you out of trouble.” Which you responded by kissing him.

Dating

Once word got out about you dating your “bodyguard”, it shocked many that you decided to be with someone that wasn’t a celebrity. 

Even so, Gavin doesn’t look like your average Joe. He has the body and face of man who could easily be on the cover of Vogue or Vanity Fair, but you know your man isn’t about that life. 

You’ve spent years being a private person, so when you and Gavin start dating not revealing much was easy. The public only knew what you wanted them to. 

There are a lot of at home dates filled with takeout and movie night. Just being in each others company is more than enough for you!

You work out together a lot! He’s really good about motivating you especially when you have to prepare for an upcoming movie. You honestly don’t need a personal trainer when you have Gavin. 

The paparazzi are afraid of Gavin. Like they won’t even get within six feet of you whenever he’s around. The last poor soul who got a little too close for your liking ate asphalt within seconds.

Gavin isn’t one for the limelight or the glitz and glam, which you appreciate. Its nice to be around someone that isn’t a part of the entertainment world. 

You don’t have to hide a part of yourself, in fear of judgement, whenever you were with him. You appreciated Gavin’s genuine nature. He was always truthful with you and he never gave the impression that he was only with you because of your status. 

Gavin does a great job with making you feel special. Whenever you feel like you don’t meet the standards of what the industry wants, he pulls you out of that dark hole and gives you the pep talk you need to get through the day.

You could walk around without an ounce of makeup on or trade in a Dior dress for sweatpants and a t-shirt, and Gavin still found you beautiful. 

Victor ( Famous Pianist S/o)

How did you meet? 

Victor was a fan of your work for quite some time. There was something about your raw talent that drew him to your work. He always made it a point to go to all your live shows whenever he was available, but has never met you personally. 

It wasn’t until you waltzed right into his office out of the blue. When he saw you enter his office with Goldman and two security guards tailing right behind you, he didn’t even recognize you. You looked as if you had just rolled out of bed with a messy bun, ripped jeans, t-shirt with some random cartoon character and thick rimmed glasses. His first thought as you stared him down with a frown was, “Who let this homeless person into his office?” 

When Goldman called your name as the two security guards grabbed your arms, Victor had to do a double take. The elegant and graceful woman, who commanded the stage with just pads of her fingertips, was...YOU?! 

Victor allowed you to stay, curious to know why you were here. You business with Victor was simple. You wanted funding to create music schools for low income families. You had sent countless emails to LFG with hopes to do business with them, but after being ignored the first few times and receiving a rude rejection email that morning, you were ready to take the bull by the horns. 

Surprisingly Victor found himself intrigued by you and thus started an interesting partnership. 

The more Victor got to work with you the more he became attracted to the headstrong, smart, and talented person who seemingly enjoyed ruffling his feathers every chance they got. 

You were also attracted to the blunt, detail-oriented man and it bothered you to no-end. What you saw in a man who probably would critique drawings from a toddler, you had no idea. But you appreciated his work ethic. He genuinely wanted you to succeed with this project and you couldn’t deny his heart was in the right place. 

The day the first school opened was the day Victor decided to stop tiptoeing around the mutual attraction and asked you out.

“We can celebrate your accomplishments over dinner.” 

Dating

The CEO of LFG and the child prodigy turned world famous pianist dating?!

CAN WE SAY POWER COUPLE?!

Whenever paparazzi get a picture of the two of you, you both look as if you just finished a professional photoshoot. You NEVER look bad in those photos. Never! 

And when you do professional shoots? It leaves people SHOOK. Magazines like Forbes have never had such a beautiful couple grace their covers before. Just wait until people see your wedding photos.

You always ask him to visit you during your rehearsals which he almost always declines but shows up anyway, if he’s not too busy. He’ll also bring a box of his homemade pudding because knowing you, you probably were too busy with preparations for your upcoming concert to eat. He’ll take you out to eat afterwards, but the pudding should hold you over for a bit.

Victor will never admit this to you, but your music helps him de-stress after a long day at work, so whenever he isn’t with you, your music helps him fall asleep. 

Victor also likes to watch you work. Seeing you so focused as you create your next piece was a sight to beheld. The pensive look in your eyes as you went over your music sheet, the slow nod of your head as your fingers danced across the keys as you intently listened to the melody, and the way your eyebrow twitched when you hit a key you didn’t like; all things oddly enjoyed seeing.

You’ll never catch him staring. He’ll pretend he’s working whenever you feel his eyes on you and if you try to call him out on it, he will most likely deny it. 

Lucien ( Novelist S/o)

How did you meet? 

You needed the help of someone knowledgeable with neuroscience for your next book. Someone recommended a Professor at Loveland University who specialized on the topic. That was how you met Professor Lucien. 

You two worked closely together once you started your manuscript, going over various topics under the neuroscience category. It wasn’t surprising just how intelligent the man was on the subject, but you were in awe about how much you knew.

Your meetings would often start at the university which led to you going home together once you found out he lived in the same building as you. You leveled up from the lecture hall to aquariums, movie theaters, restaurants, and his apartment where you had lunch or dinner. 

Your conversations never stayed on the topic of work. It often changed to your interests. You found that you and Lucien had a lot of similar interests like your taste in books and art. He also developed a love for teasing you. 

Seeing the look on your flustered face turned into one of his favorite pastimes.

When it came to the topic of your books, you learned Lucien has read quite a few of them and was very intrigued with your work. He asked you numerous questions, questions no one thought to ask. 

He admitted to you his favorite of yours was the first book he ever read titled, “The Boy Who Dreamed.” You jokingly offered to sign his book, but he declined with a smile.

“I’ll admit I do enjoy the book, but I’m more interested in the woman who wrote it.” 

Dating

More dates at your favorite places. 

Almost every other week, Lucien seemed to have tickets to art exhibits, festivals, or the movies. 

His teasing intensifies by a hundred! That man loves to tease you and you hate it! You love it. 

The closer you got to Lucien, the more you realized he didn’t enjoy talking about himself, so it takes a while to learn about him or his past. You never press him for information, but he does reveal things to you within time.

Lucien loves when you read to him. Its how he falls asleep and once you find out he has trouble sleeping, you always suggest what you call “story time.” 

In truth, having you by his side is more than enough to get him to sleep, but if you aren’t there hearing your voice will do the trick. You could be reading anything and he’d be fine with it. From Dr. Seuss to H.G. Wells, Lucien was fine with it as long as he got hear your voice.

You like to ask for his opinion on your latest projects. He does a great job making you think outside of the box which will make things easier or challenging during your writing sessions. 

Whenever you encounter writer’s block, Lucien will pull you away from your laptop and mountains of papers to enjoy a nice relaxing day with him. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doooone! Please comment if you enjoyed this! I’d love to know what you guys think!

Want to read more of my writing? Check out my MLQC masterlist here!

#mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc kiro #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mldd #mr. love #mr love queen's choice #mr love #mr love dream date

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats #28 | American Babylon (Watkins, 1985)

Roger Watkins spent most of his career making pornos, something which he apparently hated, and in American Babylon he turns that hatred directly at the audience. The movie is about two bozos. Losers. Schlubs. One of them, played by Bobby Astyr, spends his days doing little but watching pornography, oblivious to his surroundings and annoyed by interruptions. When his wife steps in front of the projector, he grouses at her to get out of the way. "Evaporate, Joan!" The other, played by Michael Gaunt, is weak-willed, easily goaded into doing or saying anything, whatever is the path of least resistance. Neither Astyr nor Gaunt are what you'd call conventionally attractive, and combined, they are some of the least flattering portraits of masculinity to grace the screen. I read somewhere that the popularity of unattractive men in straight porn is to help the target audience relate more easily to the proceedings. Watkins brings into focus the implied contempt in that trope.

As someone who spent a non-zero amount of time over the last year delving into vintage pornography, this movie hit a little close to home. When Astyr starts critiquing the camera angles in the movie he's watching, I felt personally attacked. Astyr's choice of entertainment here is in the form of plotless reels with titles like Teenage Pigmeat in Heat, a film by Bernard America, and Butt Girls in Bondage, directed by Hank Packard (which sounds like a dig at Henri Pachard's pretentious porn name), and starring Lonnie Lee as the Butt Girl. Astyr appears to be getting off on their dehumanizing quality ("Hey Robert, I just realized something. They don't show anybody's faces in this movie." "Of course not, it's so much better that way, it could be anybody.") The reels are shot in cold, sterile black-and-white, their mise-en-scene (power tools, gym equipment) suggesting a parody of masculinity. (I admit I was a little concerned when the male performer was firing a blowtorch in the direction of the female performer while they engaged in sexual congress.) Watkins had been steadily removing any sense of warmth or eroticism from his sex scenes, but also seems aware of the limitations of this approach (especially when you cast a performer like Taija Rae, sporting a lady mullet, hubba hubba). His critique seems targeted at the genre as a whole, which despite the level of artistry it can contain (and I'm very much on the side of pornographic films being artistically worthwhile), is ultimately in the service of prurient interests, but in retrospect, feels prescient of the kind of gonzo pornography that would become the norm in the decades that followed. There's no need for plot, character, warmth, humanity, just body parts mashing against each other. That Astyr is seen usually in a raincoat and motorcycle helmet drives the point home.

Gaunt's character is depicted just as brutally but with a bit more humour. This is a guy whose most strenuous decision in his marriage (and source of tension with his wife) is whether or not he'll drink his milk. (His wife, seen topless and in panties and heels, in a skewering of genre demands, leaves him an angry note: "P.S. Drink your milk".) Astyr's wife, played by Tish Ambrose, in need of the kind of intimacy she doesn't get from her husband, sees Gaunt as an easy mark and sets up a rendezvous at a country western bar. Their exchange and her attempt at seduction are telling.

"You strike me as the kind of guy who's good at taking orders."

"Yeah, I guess so, my wife thinks so anyway."

"You want something to drink?"

"Yeah, I guess so, my wife thinks so anyway."

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

"I beg your pardon."

"The only thing separating skirt and my quivering pussy is a layer of air. What do you think of that?"

"Me? I don't know what to think."

Gaunt reveals a talent for physical comedy with his gawking, indecisive face during their tryst, his slapstick-like scramble out of his clothes, his dash with an empty cup as part of his excuse sneak out for another tryst ("I told my wife I was coming over to borrow a cup of sugar"), and his nervous patting of strap-on before he excuses himself out of a threesome. One encounter occurs when watching a porno with Astyr, who seems entirely oblivious to what's going on right beside him but also happy to have them around. ("My best friend and my best wife, finally taking an interest in my one true passion.") Their attempts at bonding seem self-defeating from both directions, as when Astyr tries to initiate a heart-to-heart, it's not clear how truthful Astyr's tale of young love or his recollection of a threesome that sounds suspiciously like one of his movies and the one Gaunt partook in. ("They were sisters, Thomas, sisters! That's what they told me afterwards. They might have been lying of course, It's human nature to lie.") When the visual style switches over to those of his movies, the indictment is complete, but in the final ten minutes, the movie finds something of an emotional core with a montage (Menopausal Males in Bondage) that recontextualizes the proceedings from Ambrose's perspective, while dissolving the boundaries between Astyr, Gaunt, and their porno movies. A beret and checked coat, first sported by Taija Rae, helps provide a visual throughline.

While I won't deny that the kind of masculinity exemplified by the protagonists, while flawed, feels a lot more benign than the kind of toxic masculinity that's been the focus of modern discourse, the laser focus of Watkins' indictment makes the movie work. Where the movie is less cogent but admirably bold is in situating its protagonists and their pathetic suburban existence as some kind of endpoint for American civilization. The opening credits have illustrations of historical images, evangelical radio is heard on and off throughout the movie, and after the aforementioned montage, the film closes with "American the Beautiful". In a brief but forceful sequence, we hear news of Lee Harvey Oswald's murder by Jack Ruby, Walter Mondale's acceptance speech at the 1984 DNC ("Mr. Reagan calls it "tokenism". We call it America.") and the bombing of North Vietnam, while Gaunt's wife (seen again in the nude, to sate the horndogs) fires a shotgun and the screen cuts to black. Watkins produces a passage from "The Harlot's House" by Oscar Wilde to drive home the sense of finality. ("The dead are dancing with the dead, the dust is whirling with the dust.") The protagonists' suburban homes are presented effectively as purgatorial spaces, captured in cold, isolating cinematography by Larry Revene, who had collaborated previously with Watkins on Corruption and Midnight Heat. Like the latter, I watched this in a not very nice video-sourced transfer, although it didn't seem quite as detrimental here (aside from the terrible audio quality, which made Gaunt's whistling sound like nails on a chalkboard). The look of the movie is effectively sterile, with a heavy reliance of moody bluish lighting that comes through even in a less pristine copy. (I understand that this didn't play theatrically, so I'm willing to limit my complaining.) It's also worth noting that while not detrimentally so to the film's overall argument, I did find Astyr's porno movies stylish in their way, and that I was not immune to the charms of Taija Rae, particularly with the beret and lady mullet I alluded to earlier. Folks, I'm not made of stone.

#film #put on your raincoats #movie review #american babylon #roger watkins

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

Old Critiques Discussed: The strange case of a favorite character

Hellooo...

It would seem AreThere cannot come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because they're dead! I kid, I kid. But nonetheless, they are... temporarily absent.

Who am I? I suppose one could call me the Ghost of Critiques Past. Considering the time of year, my presence is perhaps unsurprising. Or maybe it is. I have considered Christmas to be a more fitting time, but I prefer not to dwindle away another two months doing nothing of importance.

Now now, do not fret. AreThere will inevitably return, much to my chagrin. They, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it), have come upon a frightful opponent. Writer's Block. Oh, how the very mention sends a chill up my nonexistent spine.. I am unsure if anyone would like them to return any time soon, but they certainly would like to. But sometimes, the best cure for something such as this is to look to the past. What are you proud of? What do you regret most dearly?

I doubt a single soul will remember a post made roughly the year past. Well... except perhaps a certain Australian who seemed oddly surprised by the length of said post. To that individual, I say "Don't you test me, mortal. " See, AreThere has a little series known as "Character Spotlight". Peculiar name choice, but that is not the target of my contempt.

Hidden in the dark depths of the Vivziepop fanbase, wisemen tell tales of a story lost to the ravages of time and an everlasting hiatus. Zoophobia. A beautifully flawed creation packed to the brim with faults to present and a multitude of characters to inspect with a keen, critical eye. And AreThere, the poor fool, tried to criticize a certain "Damian Beelzey". Their favorite character, if I am not mistaken. One they called "One of the best written characters in ZP".

Oh AreThere, how very, very wrong you were...

Firstly, I say we discuss the concept of this character, for, as I will hopefully help you see, this is a case of an idea good in theory, but flawed in execution. Damian Beelzey is the antichrist, the son of the devil himself. He is presumably meant to be a member of the "main cast", or, at the very least, an important character. He has certain undesirable traits, such as his immature, brat-like behavior and a mischievous streak. Fortunately, he has a heart of gold lying buried underneath, a heart that is haunted by loneliness. He desires close accomplices, but his horrid ways force certain others to keep their distance, namely his cousin.

Already, this concept has much potential. Perhaps, in order to fulfill his desire for companionship, Beelzey must be forced to examine his flaws and decide if and how he must change his ways. Perhaps, since he is the antichrist, one could even examine how much of his behavior comes from his nature, and how much of it developed due to how others see him. There is also the fact that he is considered to be of royal blood. Beelzey is the prince of hell, and strangely enough, he has been dubbed "the dark prince" or "the prince of darkness". As the modern masterpiece, "Six the musical " has proven, royal life is not always luxury and gold, and it is possible to make those in high political power sympathetic and worthy of pity. One could explore how royal life may have influenced Beelzey, and if his behavior is a result of nature or nurture.

Problems arise, however, when the story introduces the idea of a discrimination allegory with the demons. In the second chapter, an act of discrimination is committed by a catholic priest against Beelzey, who makes some speech about how the priest does not know him. This is followed by mild police brutality, and the idea of Safe Haven being unsafe for demons is hammered over our heads by the dark lord himself.

Six also had themes of discrimination, but they were used in direct connection into why the queens ended up in a state of misery. As women, they had little control over what the men in their lives did, thus resulting in their unfair treatment. Meanwhile, I must ask what this form of discrimination serves? It appears to be vaguely applied with little thought other than to make Beelzey win sympathy points. Perhaps this could be used to emphasize his feelings of isolation and arise internal conflict within him regarding Safe Haven. Sadly, we cannot be sure of this, and that idea is purely speculative.

Another complication arises in Beelzey's relationship to the rest of the main cast. He does not appear to be acquainted with Vanex, Spam, Taylor, nor Penelope. Those he is acquainted with, Jack, Zill, and Kayla, strongly dislike him. While there is no issue with having an outlier in the group, with this setup, any scene that requires Beelzey to interact with these characters will likely be unpleasant. The other characters dislike him, thus the audience may be swayed to dislike him, causing annoyance to arise from his presence. Perhaps Beelzey will mend these relations in the future, but from what Ms Vivz is setting up, early interactions will cause difficulties in rooting for Beelzey.

Finally, there is the issue of him having "a dark side." From what has previous been observed, one would question if Beelzey requires a dark side. Why not just have him reform from his own flaws instead of some bizarre "side" of him? If the online graphic novel were to be used as an indication, this is so Ms Vivz can have him torture his family members and still remain sympathetic.

Question professor, how much blame do we shift on to his dark side? How does it work? From an old post I assure you I will make AreThere reblog, one gets some idea of what this dark side is. Ms. V mentions that Beelzey is "not himself" in this state. This would suggest an alternate personality, him having naturally evil instincts, or him going into some emotionally unstable mental state. This dark side also does some... interesting activities. Such as "forcing himself on to others"... which is a phrase I rather not touch on, thank you very much. He also has a tendency to be handcuffed to things whilst not wearing pants. This brings one singular word to mind. Kinky. But "strange" as well, I suppose.

I can only imagine that Beelzey will inevitably have to confront this dark side, which has also been shown to be capable of harming him. But why is this here? To generate more pity?

Ms V appears to have had an issue showing the more morally questionable aspects of Beelzey in her online graphic novel, but for the sake of my sanity, I must continue this in another post.

And you thought AreThere wrote long posts.

Unlike AreThere, I do not apologize for anything. Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful night mortals....

I will see you all soon enough

#zoophobia #zoophobia damian

[spliinkles]

Overzealous

Kind of a continuation from yesterdays fic?

Context- I'm using the headcannon that Wild can be possessed by the other Champion's when he's either under too much stress or unconscious. Another headcannon I made with someone on the discord to add to this is that when activating the Champion's power, not only is the power enhanced, but also a projection of the user of the power can be seen over Wild's body (as you'll see below ;)) aGAIN ANOTHER SELF INDULGENT FIC WOOHOO

Au belongs to Jojo | linkeduniverse

_________________________________________________________

"What did you do?!" Legend seethed at Warriors who in return coughed, looking away with a look of guilt. He stared ahead, ignoring the pointed glare that was facing him until Legend repeated the question, punching Warrior's arm as if to keep his attention.

Warriors looked down with a grimace, "I don't know, ok? I was practicing with my bow with Wild and I asked him for pointers- long story short, that bird-thing- Rito I think? Whoever is possessing him has kept up his speech for the last six minutes and he doesn't look to be stopping." Legend cursed at the words, "Of course it was you who did it." Warriors scoffed, offended, yet Legend turned, watching the scene unfold.

Before them stood Wild, or, what appears to be Wild with a lack of his, per say, spirit, where the embodiment of 'annoying' now possessed.

From what the others knew, the spirits name was Revali- the apparent official 'greatest archer of all of Hyrule' and everyone's collective unofficial 'pain in the head'. He was, in the least, a proud, flamboyant and 'sophisticated' individual with a love for archery- and a seemingly obvious dislike for Wild.

The two watched the Hylian, who stood straight and proud, something so unlike Wild.

"And honestly, if I knew you Hylian's were open to critique as you oh so generously asked, I would've showed up much sooner, trust me."

That's right, Legend thought, This is the first time this spirit has shown up. Legend mulled over that thought for a second, before narrowing his eyes. He decided that he didn't like this character inhabiting Wild.

Besides Legend, both Twilight and Time -all three in which had just arrived back from gathering items for that night's dinner- stood several metres from the overzealous Hylian, indescribable expression plastered on their faces.

Everyone except Revali was still.

Revali was quick to notice, rolling Wild's eyes with a disgusted groan, "Please, you all know about us, it was only a matter of time before my presence graced you." He took a second to snatch the Sheikah Slate from Wild's belt, albeit a little sloppily as he cursed out at Hylian's anatomy.

Everyone watched as he swiped through it.

Twilight stepped forward frowning, "Hey, what-" he didn't get any further however as the knights bow in wild's hand disintegrated in a fine, glowing blue light before being replaced by a bow much more intricately crafted- Wild's mouth tilted into one of satisfaction, and a handful of those watching couldn't help but to think how un-natural the look was on him.

Revali re-latched the slate, using both hands to hold the well-made bow. He took a couple moments to fiddle with it, checking over finer details of the weapon. By now, Four and Wind had taken this opportunity to approach Wild, unnoticed by the spirit inhabiting the Hylian. They peered over his shoulder, marvelling at the bow, "Do you like this bow a lot?" A sound only descried a squawk left Wild's throat, the spirit jumping slightly as he whipped around, bow nearly smashing into Wind's face had it not been for Time's quick reflexes to drag the boy back. Revali glared at the boy, "Insufferable as Link and twice as small- just my luck." he stated, bringing the bow closer to him, "And this? Of course I like this bow, I was the one to wield it before Link- better yet," he smirked, "I was the one to create it."

Silence.

"Oh, ok." Wind shrugged.

Revali blinked.

"'Oh, ok?' That's it?" several people peered at each other before Four spoke up, "Well, I mean it isn't that special, I smithed most of my weapons myself." several others piped up, confirming this. Revali stilled, owlishly blinked once more, "No." he then stated.

Time could immediately feel a sense of dread travel down his back- he paused, watching Revali's movements, however small they are before tightening his mouth, "It isn't that big of a deal-" "OH please, save your breath." Wild's eyes rolled once more, "to smith a sword is nothing but child's play, now, a bow? This is where skill takes place." Four narrowed his eyes, letting out a scoff of offense, "Are you saying my skills are nothing but rubbish?" Wild eyes glanced at Four, shrugging, "Not saying they're anything spectacular." Four threw his arms up, "Nope! Not doing this today guys." he marched away, Wind quickly following.

"Hm, for a supposed hero he sure has a quick temper." Revali stated, ignoring the pointed glares meeting his figure, "anyway," he turned to Warriors, the man letting an 'oh god' whisper out, much to Legend's amusement, "you wish to learn proper techniques, yes?" Warriors shook his head, "No, I think I-" "Perfect! I'm glad you agree, I've been watching you all through Link and quite frankly, there's much room for improvement for…" Revali paused, glancing around at the others before humming, "well, let's say practice would make for much better improvements, you see?" "Twenty rupees and I'll punch him." Legend whispered. Immediately, Warriors choked on his breath, a hand landing on Legend's shoulders as he tried to contain his laughter. Legend glanced at Warriors, before looking back at the Hylian, "You're right, I'll do it for free." before attempting his attack however, Time stepped forward, "Look… wait what's your name?" Revali repeated his title, just as proud as the first time, "Revali, as much as we would… appreciate the help, we would rather Wild if anything, considering…" Revali sneered, "Considering I'm dead?"

Words died out of Time's throat as everything fell silent.

"Oh god no," Legend then started snapping everyone's attention to him, "Look, if your annoying personality can stick after a century, I'm sure your skills with archery are still there- just because you're dead, it won't change anything. Time's only saying this because we're more comfortable around Wild." Wild's face sneered at Legend, yet he kept quiet, mulling over the words. He then narrowed his eyes, "But I am him- just with more poise." he gestured to his posture with a smile, waving Legend's look of disbelief off, "none of that, I came to teach and teach I shall! Where are your arrows?!" he started to scour the area as others denied, "We don't have that many left!" "Then this will be worth the loss of some extra rupees." Revali merely replied with, finding his targeted ammunition within one of Wild's pouches. He heaved the pouch over his shoulders with ease.

"This is a waste of arrows- we might need those!" Twilight stated, walking to Wild with a stern glare, "look, bird brains, I'm usually all for some fun, but not with supplies that are already low." Revali rolled his eyes, "don't worry, Link's thinking of taking you to his house," confused looks met his, "What, he hasn't told you? Ugh, of course not, the imbecilic. Don't worry, your supplies will be filled soon enough." He nocked an arrow, testing the string before drawing the arrow out. "Hold up, wait, this is going way too fast-" "Good." "No, not good! Wait what are you-"

A gust so powerful it ripped through the entire camp- bed rolls went flying, as well as personal belongings and the newly acquired food. Yet all eyes were on Wild.

Or on Revali, more specifically.

Wild's body had lit up in a spectacular green, yet his body wasn't the main focus, no, the main focus was solely on the green outline of a Rito that engulfed around Wild, as if he was a projection. Green flames littered around them, dancing in the wind that had everyone holding their ground to stop from being blown away themselves.

The view was ineffable.

Even Revali was surprised, looking down at his feathers that moved alongside Wild's arms. The bow itself now lodged between Revali's outline, rather than the Hylian's hands. A twist in his gut, a jolt of realisation- whatever had happened let him interact with his bow- let him feel the object once more, just has he once had. Revali blinked, eyes adjusting upwards, into the oblivion that was the sky.

He had a plan.

The wind died down barely, enough for Revali's voice to be picked up, "Prepare to see a show of a life time!" Then, he shot upwards, into the heavens.

Hearts jumped into their throats watching the projection of Revali from Wild's body soar above them, the wind tormenting the plains around them once more as a gust even stronger than last time shot through them- Wind and Four, although several feet further away, both fell.

The elegance of the way Revali moved in the air almost had everyone in awe, yet Twilight was the first to notice it.

"Wild doesn’t have his paraglider on him!" eyes wide, mouth agape, they watched Revali twist and turn, flying himself higher and higher- until the inevitable fall. Twilight felt his stomach drop, "Oh god no." And then they fell.

Down and down, they fell further; then even faster. The momentum dragging their very beings towards the ever-growing ground. Mere seconds seemed to drag onto minutes for those watching, tormenting them- in the blink of an eye, Revali raised his wings, praying to Hylia- to anyone who'd listen that this would work.

Then, Revali flew.

He felt the wind through his wings, the updraft curving his decent until he himself soared high.

The others on the ground collectively sighed in relief.

Deep within Revali's mind, he could feel the excitement pouring from Wild- Revali laughed, twisting and turning in the sky, feeling as alive as a dead spirit could be, "I have MISSED this!" he exclaimed, diving once more. Then, he saw it- the targets.

And judging by the fire burning from within, he knew Wild did too.

Revali smirked

He had a performance to do.

He dove once more, yet with no intent to stop. His wings tucked in, body lowering as far as it could until the momentum built up enough for him to feel the frigid cold air wisp by like a dream.

"…Ti… e it… " Revali paused for a second, yet still descending, "time it!" Wild yelled again, clearer; the excitement gushing out of him and Revali did so, whipping out his bow and watched wide eyed as a power so strong and so pure engulfed him.

Everything stilled.

No, he thought, watching his descension drift further down ever so slowly, not frozen, yet-

From within, he felt Wild laugh.

"Oh."

He could've laughed, yet instead he aimed his bow, all five arrows nocked.

He shot.

"So this is how you managed to nearly best me, you twerp!"

To the others, they watched in awe as Revali, in a mere second shot the targets, all five, with no effort, hitting each one simultaneously without missing a beat; all bulls-eyes.

Seconds later Revali landed, the outline dissipating quick enough.

Twilight, Sky and Warriors swarmed Wild, who now blinked owlishly- Wild was back. "Hey- are you ok?" Twilight asked, putting a hand on his shoulders. Wild blinked back, before a large smile grew on his face, a small bubbly laugh leaving him. "Holy shit, he's lost it." Legend exclaimed. Sky looked between the two in confusion.

Abruptly, Wild stopped laughing, the smile falling.

Everyone watched him.

His face, once a healthy tone turned pale- Twilight knew exactly what was about to happen. "To the bush!" He shouted, pushing Wild as the Hylian heaved. Quick enough, just as they reached the bush, Wild vomited.

Warriors made a disgusted sound, yet Legend merely elbowed him.

Time's eyes met Twilight's and the elder only rubbed his temples before leaving to go pick up everything that had flew away, passing Hyrule as he helped Four and Wind up from the ground.

Twilight himself just rubbing Wild's back, wondering how he's still alive with Wild's antics.

#linkeduniverse #linked universe #spliinkles writes #fanfic #legend of zelda #loz #link #revali

[qcpmedia]

Spotlight: Christopher Turner

THE CREATOR & WRITER OF “DIAL EXCES” TALKS HENSHIN, TROPES AND BELIEVING IN YOUR VISION

by Chris Clay

QCP: First of all, Thanks for taking the time to do this interview. As a fellow henshin fan, I was immediately intrigued when I first saw some of the art for your project Dial Exces. What exactly is Dial Exces & how long have you been working on it?

Chris Turner: Thanks for asking me! Dial Exces is my take on the tokusatsu genre but infused with comic book storytelling. The series follows 17 year old Marcus Dubel who's been granted a fighting suit in order to combat monsters that have begun appearing in his world. I've been working on it for roughly 6 years or so now. This version is actually the second iteration of the story after I decided to give the plot as massive overhaul a couple of years ago.

QCP: What made you decide to reboot?

CT: I made the decision to reboot the series after reading The Almighty Street Team, issue 0. It was one of the first time that an indie comic really resonated with me, that featured characters of color that didn't feel like a troupe [...] It made me take a good long look at what I was doing & I thought to myself "there's no reason a Black kid can't work as the lead in this story that I want to tell". Once I felt that weight lift off of my shoulders, I was really able to hit the ground running & start crafting a narrative that worked the way I needed it to.

QCP: What was your goal when you started writing this character? Do you feel like you had themes in mind when you started, or did it develop more as you got into the process?

CT: Well, initially, I had one goal in mind & that was to show that a person of color could be a henshin hero, if done properly, or any sort of hero for that matter. Over time the overarching theme of the story came to me [...] we're all connected to each other; no man is an island. The things that we do effect the lives of those around us. That's the main theme in the story of Dial Exces.

QCP: Sweet! I always found it odd that Henshin Heroes are so rarely Black.

CT: Exactly! [Laughs] I think sometimes we either limit ourselves or we don't police ourselves enough when it comes to the characters we make. I'm trying to find that sweet spot where people that look like me can see a hero that's like them but isnt just a Black version of "insert character name here." Sometimes that's ok but I think it happens a lot more than it should.

QCP: I agree. What do you feel is the best thing about being a creator right now? Do you think there's something special about making comics in 2019?

CT: Well-- and this is sort of a gift & a curse here-- I think it's good that we live in a world where you don't need to get the ok from the "gatekeepers" to make comics. If you want to make a comic you can make one & that's awesome. Now the flip side to that is that there are a lot of creators out there-- because you can just make a comic whenever you feel like it-- that are putting out comics/characters that just aren't very interesting or compelling & as a whole it can make indie creators look bad. There's still a process to this & a lot of creators are skipping steps just because they've got the skills as illustrators, but their ideas aren't where they should be. They could be with more polished, but without critiques or at least someone who'll be brutally honest with you that you can bounce those ideas off of, you run the risk of putting out a mediocre product as opposed to a great one.

QCP: Totally agree! No offense to anyone, but the endless sea of Toriyama-lite stuff? Yikes.

CT: [Laughs] Yup!

QCP: It seems like a lot of talented storytellers are selling themselves short, which is sad.

CT: They are, man & it definitely doesn't have to be that way but I think you have to be willing to take a good long look at what you're doing & honestly say "is it good or not". If you're just coming out the gate with each and every idea that pops into your head, if you're not taking a second to stop & say "is this the best thing for the narrative?" or "is this really any good?", then you're probably on the wrong track.

QCP: Can you tell us about Dial Exces?

CT: The story takes place in a world were creatures called the Dolm have begun to appear. The Dolm are superior to humanity in every way imaginable-- faster, stronger more durable-- they're a real threat. That's where Marcus Dubel comes in. He finds himself on a sort of an anti-Dolm unit being run out of the world's most prestigious hospital. As the youngest member of the crew, he's paired up with a woman named Ellery Mathis who's been fighting the dolm for the better half of a decade. She becomes a mentor to Marcus as he adapts to the life of a soldier.

QCP: So Marcus lives in a pretty bleak world, eh?

CT: Well, it's not too dissimilar from the world we live in. There's both good & bad, but a lot of the bad parts he's not aware of until he joins the fight.

QCP: Do you have a target date for the webcomic release? Where can future fans find it?

CT: The pilot or issue zero will drop early 2019 & it'll be available to read on dialexces.com. The site is undergoing some renovations right now in preparation for the launch of the webcomic.

QCP: Awesome! Thanks again for your time, Chris!

CT: It was my pleasure man! Thanks again!

#Spotlight #Comics #henshin #manga #Dial Exces #black artist #black writer #black creatives #mangaka

[dunamanticarchivist]

The Munchkin Nein - Mollymawk Tealeaf

Explaining this series

A Mollymawk is a genus of albatross...i honestly have no idea what that means, I am not a taxonomist, I just know it’s something birdy. And I can read wikipedia to get a feel for what they are culturally. Something something sailors and mariners (maybe that explains why he rooms with Fjordy our resident shady sailor)

Anyway, we’re here for the crunch. And admittedly, this character is one of the reasons I got into thinking about this series to begin with, since there has been discussion about how ...well, unimpactful Mollymauk has been in fights. Going to lay out a couple of my thoughts before we actually get into the mechanics.

[Also, edited one day after the post, before M. Mercer decided to whoop dee doo, it’s time to put an end to the naysayers and give the poor Ghostslayer some buffs. And here I was defending Molly as he was; oh well, gonna update the crunch]

First off, if you’re going to compare each character’s output with one another, there can only be one eventual winner and that’s no damn good for anyone. If you compare the options taken as compared to those available, then you’re going to be critiquing on choices and once again, De gustibus non est disputandum, so I’m not gonna go there.

So let’s take a step back and see what Molly has thus far presented himself as and is, from what we can see. I think first and foremost, Mollymauk Tealeaf is a carnie, possibly influenced a great deal by Taliesin Jaffe our pyramidal fey lord and saviour ‘s extensive carnival experience. I will admit, I have never met a carnie, or know what they actually do or are. But from my internet gleaning and perusing (and Talks Machina thank you Brian Cabbage head), I’ve come to think of them as style over substance, highly extroverted and verbose individuals. Competence is optional. Laughter is not. Which really makes for an interesting character, in D&D or real life, I would love to meet a carnie and talk about the meaning of life with them while being as drunk as a sailor on shore leave.

Anyway, back to Mollymauk, there is actually a very recent post on reddit on his actual performance in combat that paints him in a better light, and the usual reddit discussion shenanigans. The one part of that that shifted my view decisively, is the realization that dual wielding is an aesthetic. Molly isn’t a fighter; he isn’t a master swordsman whose blades are an extension of himself nor does he have an instinctive feel for moving his blades in a fashion to cause harm. His scimitars are made out of cheap carnival glass for god’s sake; it's a miracle they haven’t shattered yet. I get a sense that those blades were mostly for show, until they had to be more than that. Still, that isn’t the comfort zone of Molly, who would rather talk and charm his way out of a situation. Which is reflected in his repeated use of Charm Person, Enthrall, and the infamous Vicious Mockery.

So in my opinion, the combat style of Mollymauk reflects his partially revealed backstory. He wants nothing to do with his potentially violent past and is all in on his solely carnival memories. If he could choose, I think he would be a pacifist.

Nonetheless, this is D&D where unless you are an Oath of Redemption paladin, pacifism is not going to be all that attractive since there are so many things that want your hide. So violence it's going to be. With that in mind, that doesn’t always mean you leave behind what you are, going into combat. I can write a whole other series on the human behind the soldier, but that’s for another time, so I’ll just leave this quote from LotR here

“I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.”                                                                                   -Faramir, The Two Towers

Right so, proper crunch time. Level 5 Tiefling (Devil Tongue Variant), Blood Hunter Order of the Ghostslayer.

Armaments: 2 Scimitars that do 1d6 + 3 (DEX mod) apiece, due to the Two-Weapon fighting style. Two attacks with the main weapon, and using a bonus action, can attack with the second scimitar, giving three strikes tops.

As a bloodhunter, one of the ways to increase your damage output is crimson rites to imbue your weapons with magical damage. In Molly’s case, he has Rite of Dawn and Frozen, to add d4 radiant or cold damage respectively. He will gain an additional option at Level 6, that’s just more versatility, but more importantly the damage die increases to d6 (which on average is worth 1 point more). Having 3 damage types is not really versatile, but not completely one dimensional either. Each rite comes at the cost of 1d4 HP deducted from the maximum that only recovers when the rite is deactivated (he isnt healed by that  d4 when max HP returns)

At the moment however, this makes his scimitars 1d6 +1d4 + 3 if activated. As many have pointed out, it takes 1 bonus action to activate each scimitar and Molly only has 1 bonus action each turn. Also, striking with the second scimitar takes a bonus action. It doesn’t help that many of the blood curse options, one of which we do not yet know when Molly leveled to 5, takes up a bonus action as well.

Speaking of blood curses, the one we do know Molly has used is Blood Curse of the Eyeless, which has saved the asses of many of the Nein by inflicting disadvantage on one or two of the incoming attacks. Being a reaction with 60 feet range has contributed greatly to its usability.

Molly’s archetype of Ghostslayer is a situational benefit that contributes a WIS mod to damage undead creatures (+3), at level 11 this will affect all creatures, but for now, only undead creatures will feel this dual wielding sword swinger’s wrath.

[7/6/18 11pm GMT+1 update: Crimson Rite die is now d6 at level 5 bloodhunter, instead of the d4 mentioned above. Also, the Ghostslayer archetype halves the damage suffered when activating Rite of the Dawn. Considering the damage taken also increased, this is a welcome change (though compared to previously, on average, Molly suffers .75 damage less (rounded up to 1) per activation of Rite of the Dawn, though 1 damage more when using Rite of the Frozen. This downside would have happened anyway at Level 6, but now there’s at least a slight improvement. 

Also, as part of the update, Molly would have the option to switch out Blood Curse of the Eyeless. I suspect he would, based on more metagaming logic of a greater variety of playtesting. So might bring us up to 2 unknown blood curses. There are many many other fascinating options, and we might see them within 4 hours of this update]

A couple of things grant Molly some durability in combat. He took the Feat “Tough” which gives more HP when levelling, so at Level 5, he already has the highest HP total of the Nein. Also, his AC is listed as 15 which implies either studded leather or chain shirt. That’s probably on the lower end for the Nein, but sufficient for combat (i guess? depends on how hot Matt’s dice are). Finally, he purchased the Periapt of Wound Closure, which stabilizes him if he goes down. Also, when he rolls dice to regain HP, the results are doubled. (I’m unsure if it applies to healing done to him, or just healing he does on himself; if its the former I can already see the disaster tiefling combo come to life). 

Edit: I’ve asked around and it appears to be specific to interactions involving self healing with hit dice (d10s for Molly) such as healer’s kit and short rests. Still the point stands. 

Regardless, it allows Molly to function like a glass cannon, just like his swords. Yes he’d take hits, but he’ll return the favour, and the difference is that he won’t break, while the monster will eventually be shredded.

And we move onto the Tiefling part of Molly, which mechanically, has 3 spells. Vicious Mockery, Charm Person and Enthrall. All of them involve the target making a WIS save against Molly’s DC 11 [ 8 + 3 (proficiency) + 0(CHA mod)] and if succeeded, the spell does nothing (which has fuelled the perception that Molly hasn’t done much)

The first is a cantrip, while the latter 2 are level 2 spells that can only be cast once per long rest.

For vicious mockery, failing the WIS save causes the target to suffer 2d4 psychic DMG and suffer DISAD on its next attack roll, functioning as a second blood curse of the eyeless. Of note, this and Enthrall, are the only abilities of Molly at >30 to 60 feet ranges, unless he chooses to pick up a rock and throw it. Not very effective, but definitely worth a laugh.

For Charm Person, up to 2 humanoids can be affected. The WIS save is made with advantage if Molly or the Nein are fighting it (debatable if they are being attacked and not fighting back would negate this). Failing the WIS save imposes the “charmed” condition for one hour, unless the spell ends prematurely or they start harming the target. The charmed condition gives advantage to social interactions checks, which with Molly’s CHA mod of 0, would probably be very helpful. Also, for 1 hour, the target cannot attack Molly with weapons or harmful spells

Finally, Enthrall targets visible creatures of choice. The WIS save is made at advantage if in combat. Failing it gives the target disadvantage to WIS (perception) checks on any creature other than Molly for up to a minute. Once again, probably not a combat spell. But Taliesin did use it successfully against the alligators to distract them temporarily from Kiri, so who am I to judge?

The only thing I could think of for these two spells, is possibly to use them together. So while Molly, this colourful spray of bright clothes, tattoos and energy of a tiefling, charms and enthralls a high value target, the rest of the Nein slaughter their guards and entourage.

So there it is, Mollymauk Tealeaf, performer extraordinaire and occasional sword swinger! I personally think that if this is what Molly is, there could be advantages in going full carnie. Make use of that acrobatics proficiency to climb the head of a giant, wield a scimitar in your tail with that sleight of hand +6, hell juggle swords in combat to look threatening and maybe force a WIS save or two to take the heat off of others. The options are endless outside of the book rules and it is up to Taliesin Jaffe to play out this disaster of a tiefling. Hopefully, Matt is kind in these rulings, to reward good RP which is what everyone is here for.

Fortunately, Taliesin is a very experienced D&D player as demonstrated by his extensive knowledge of other character’s abilities (I think he, Matt and Liam together could probably recite half the rulebook and write out the other half by instinct). If I had to make one mechanical optimization choice, for the next ASI, take a +1 to DEX and +1 to CHA to round that score up and get that bonus. It’s also an upgrade without drastically altering the RP choices that can be made.

Thank you everyone who’s reading and liking this series! It’s almost thursday and I’m pretty excited about the next episode like I always am. Maybe even more so now I’ve got a blog. Might liveblog it idk it’s at like 3am in UK when it goes live so depends on my sloppy schedule.

#critical role #taliesin jaffe #bloodhunter #the munchkin nein #cr2 #cr2 spoilers #kinda not really #theorycrafting #mathhammer #power of roleplay #disaster tieflings #mine

[firstpuffin]

Childhood reading: Redwall

When I was growing up I read a lot, like that’s all I did for long periods of time levels of a lot. Heck, I had a different book in each room of the house so I could put one down and pick up another. I don’t know why; I was a weird kid. But while I didn’t read books like Harry Potter or Skullduggery Pleasant (the latter of which seems quite popular but was published a bit too late for me), the books that I did read were pretty much my entire life and most definitely shaped me into who I am and there was one particular series that I thank for that.

   I adored the Redwall series, written by Brian Jacques up until his death in 2011; he consistently wrote this series on an almost yearly basis from 1986 until he sadly passed away. I must have stopped reading around 2005-6, and was recently very pleased to discover four more books that I never read, nor knew existed, assuming at the time that the series had been long completed. I say recently because upon realising that I want to write children’s fiction, I decided to revisit the stories from my youth. Earlier youth? I’m still pretty young.

  The series follows the history of Redwall abbey, a place of peace and prosperity. Every character in the series is an anthropomorphic animal along the lines of mice, otters, hedgehogs and squirrels, amongst more; these are usually the good guys and are often referred to as “woodland creatures”. This is important as there are also animals such as foxes, stoats, weasels and more that are called “vermin” and play the role of the antagonists. Despite being based around an abbey there is little to no religion within the world, except maybe for a high level of reverence towards the mouse patriarch Martin the Warrior and his sword, which could be similar to that of King Arthur. There is a lot of interesting terminology within the Redwall world, with characters saying “beast” (such as everybeast, somebeast, etc), the young abbeybabes are referred to as Dibbuns; Bloodwrath is a reoccurring term, usually in relation to a badger and is a sort of affliction that sends a beast into a rage where they are immune to pain and unaware of damage as they focus solely on their target. These words are always made clear and so there is little room for confusion.

   The ghost of Martin is a constant in the series where he appears in dreams to guide the characters through hard times. He often provides ambiguous clues to assist in whatever puzzle the story needs solving, puzzles and riddles and such being a common and engaging part of the stories. As this would suggest, there is a certain amount of supernatural within the stories, with seers foretelling the future and prophesies to be fulfilled; there is even a legend of a particularly skilled warrior who is said to be born every now and again, marked by a pink flower birthmark and who is called the “Taggerung”.

  I read all of the books that I could get my grubby little paws on, which is probably all of them that were released up until high-school where I got a bit distracted from reading novels. They were such an integral part of my life that I was shocked to discover that my classmates in the university creative writing course hadn’t even heard of the series outside of the, apparently quite bad, short-lived cartoon. The only other person who I found had read any was one of my lecturers. I was aghast, so in the hope of spreading the word about this series I am writing this.

   Now, one of my lecturers taught us about the, to put it politely, the faeces sandwich method of critiquing someone’s work. You say something nice, say the bad stuff and follow that up with some more positive; I like to add that if you can then try and suggest how to improve on the criticisms, even if it’s just how you would do so, then go ahead. If you can’t take criticism then don’t create. I figure that I’ve praised the series already so I’m going to bring up my criticisms here and go into the rest of the article positively.

   One issue that I remember being aware of even in my youth is the timeline of each individual story as well as them put together. Presumably due to animals shorter lifespans, Mr Jacques doesn’t work with years but with seasons which is in and of itself fine. The problem is that in any one story, the time isn’t always realistic; it can be less than a season and yet a character will learn years worth of skills, mature physically or emotionally by at least half a year or events may simply not match up with other events. One character learns to fix a stutter within a day or two or practicing (Broggle, The Taggerung, 2001); within less than a season another character goes from useless and untrained in weapons, to throwing a dirk with greater skill than those who have been throwing and such long before he was born (Tammo, The Long Patrol, 1997).

   Add to that, badgers live an unspecified amount of time longer than the other creatures; I don’t know much about animal lifespans but one badger can live for multiple generations of, say, mice. But because of this longevity, events that involve generations of badgers will sometimes throw a spanner into the clockwork of the world (See the badgers: Brocktree, Boar, Bella and Sunflash).

   Another complaint is one that may not be noticed by children: characters are very much recycled. The events of much of the series could in all honesty be done with the characters of the first book; many characters are inanely cheerful, they are all gluttons and all love poetry and rhymes. The villains are always impulsive and ruthless to their own subordinates, not a one of them thinking of controlling them via a less violent yet just as evil means. Every! Single! Hare is the same, except for one; male or female, they are greedy, reckless and brave and all, except the aforementioned one, talk like a stereotypical 1900’s Brit on drugs (wot wot old chap and all that tosh).

  Yet, and despite the length with which I have gone on about them, these complaints are minor. The stories themselves are generally solid, and although the growth may happen at an absurd rate, the characters do develop; there is always a puzzle to be solved and an enemy to defeat. I was concerned for a while that the world was a little too black and white with vermin always being straight-up evil and the other characters noble and brave, which could easily be seen as a form of biological racism (as in “this race is biologically evil”), yet there have been books where this has been turned on its head: The Bellmaker (1994) has a searat (basically a pirate and rats are always bad) who is taken in by the abbey and cared for by the reluctant creatures who are uncomfortable having “vermin” around yet are compelled by their sense of duty to help. After this rat’s captain kills one of the residents, the rat is furious at his actions towards the kind folk and kills his own captain and returns that which he stole to the abbey. It is a clear tale of how the right circumstances can allow a bad person to redeem himself.

   Another positive is the frequent presence of capable female characters. It is popular these days to talk of “strong” females, yet I personally believe that this gives people the wrong impression of what it takes to be a decent character, male or female, and so I choose to say “capable” in place of “strong”. While this is a personal preference, I also believe that it is more accurate about the characters within this series. Yes, there are females who break down in fear but there are many examples, such as the disabled Martha Braebuck who is also that unique hare that I mentioned, who will take command when others are fretting (Loamhedge, 2003). Another character who has been a personal favourite from childhood is Mariel Gullwhacker (Mariel of Redwall, 1991) who survives being washed up on a beach with no memory and who finds her way to safety and eventually seeks out revenge on the searat Gabool. For two books she actively follows her own path and fights with nothing but a knotted piece of rope. These are just two examples of different capable female characters, one who fights and one who leads, out of many possible examples.

  This next point could be either good or bad, depending on your preferences in fiction, yet I personally feel it is good for children’s books to cover, and that is death. It doesn’t happen in every book but it is not too unusual for Mr Jacques to build up a likable character or two, only to have them die in some noble fashion, or in one case to die “off-screen” or whatever the written equivalent is. Despite my own childhood reaction to this, being avoiding certain books that broke my heart (no spoilers), I currently believe that this is a positive thing to have in children’s fiction. It’s too easy to avoid anything like death when dealing with children, but that is an unhealthy attitude to have. The Redwall series is especially good in this regard as not only do likable main characters die, but it is not too unusual for a character to deal with shock and guilt after killing, reinforcing the value of lives, even those of “vermin”.

   I would like to round things up with some of my personal favourites from the series. The already mentioned “The Long Patrol” was a favourite up until the time when I stopped reading so much: young Tammo (full name Tamello De Fformelo Tussock, pretty typical for hares) is unable to stay at home as tensions between himself and his father rise and his mother recruits her old friend to take Tammo to join the Long Patrol, a legendary army of hares. What should have been a peaceful enough trip was interrupted when the vermin horde, lead by Damug Warfang, start moving across the land and Tammo happens to meet up with a small scout group of Long Patrol hares. They join the peaceful Redwall abbey in their attempts to stop the horde before they reach the abbey, temporarily vulnerable after a collapsed wall leaves them open to attack.

   I’m not entirely sure why I enjoyed this story so much; maybe it was Damug’s unique sword as well as Tammo’s dirk, my first introduction to that weapon. Maybe it was the badger warrior Lady Cregga Rose-Eyes who spends most of her time lost to the Bloodwrath and runs around as a near-unstoppable juggernaut. I can’t say as I wasn’t quite so keen upon revisiting it, yet I will likely always hold fond memories of it.

   My next entry is another already mentioned story, Mariel of Redwall. Sure, the amnesia trope might be a bit overused yet I’ll forgive that for anything published before 1990. Mariel is captured by searat king Gabool the Wild and forced to be a slave until she is cast into the sea. She wakes up parched, forgetful and with only a knotted rope to her name. She struggles onwards, hearing of Redwall and making her way there, usually alone but occasionally meeting friendly travellers and facing threats with only her rope. She eventually reaches Redwall abbey, regains her memory and sets out to get her revenge and to rescue her father.

   This entry to the series is an engaging story and I really like the character of Mariel, as well as her name. She is a determined and active character who goes through a lot of adversity and comes out the other side better for it. Gabool the Wild is also a typical example of a Redwall villain: while not all antagonists follow this pattern it’s not at all unusual for them to slowly go insane, losing sleep, not eating and failing to keep the loyalty of their subordinates. This is particularly good because in a one-on-one fight, Mariel isn’t an experienced enough fighter to beat a warlord, yet due to his strained mind, mutinous crew and tactics, the reader believes that she can succeed.

   My final entry is a tough one to choose, yet I’m going with Mossflower (1988) for it tells of the conflict that brought about the titular Redwall abbey. There are other books that tell the origin of Martin the Warrior, though Mossflower details his arrival in Mossflower country and how he joins the rebellion of the woodland creatures against the tyranny of wildcat royalty. Martin and a couple of friends are sent to find the badger lord Boar, who could lead them to victory. Instead, Boar forges Martin a new sword from a meteorite and has them return. Martin’s new sword is a constant throughout the series: unbreakable, forever sharp and able to cut through most things with relative ease, it develops a legend of its own and is eventually thought of to be magic. After Martin inevitably prevails, they all start building their new home: Redwall abbey.

   I chose this one for the final for it tells of the story behind many reoccurring elements within the story: Martin, his sword, Loamhedge and of course Redwall abbey itself amongst more. It is also a good story.

#redwall #children's literature #opinion #books #first puffin

[perfectly-balanced]

👀 What do you dislike most about each member of your cult?

I assume you are referring to my Black Order? This is a very difficult question to answer and one that has required careful consideration. That being said, I have come to a conclusion, but keep in mind that if any of these issues bothered me enough to overshadow their benefits and good qualities, they would not be my servants. For the most part, these are simply minor nitpicks.

I will begin with Pravus Nox. You may not know of Pravus, as he was more well known among his adversaries by the title of ‘The Other’. Unfortunately he is no longer alive to serve under me, but that will not prevent me from discussing his flaws here just the same. One of the main problems I faced with Pravus was that he was incredibly exhausting to be around. Even though he was a servant, he was incredibly loud and would try to get my full attention any time he was around me. There was certainly nothing subtle about him, and he would rarely leave me alone in peace. Another gripe I had with him is that he was not only hostile to enemies, but also to allies. And not only temporary allies, like Loki or Ronan. His rude and bossy demeanor did not make him very popular among the rest of the Order either, so I’ve heard, and he is rarely included in their ranks quite possibly by his own desire. He did not like them, and they did not like him, the Maw in particular. Pravus, for all his uses, was not a team player, but he was still technically a member of the Black Order.  

In the case of Cull Obsidian, it is important to understand that he places a high value on loyalty, which by itself is certainly a good thing. But because he is the more responsible brother to Corvus, who I will get into in a moment, he has had to become very responsible. This has led to him being overly protective of the rest of the Order, to the point where he takes far too much nonsense from them without standing up for himself properly. Don’t get me wrong, he is very stubborn, which in itself is a bit of an issue for me, but despite his size and strength he is actually one of the least aggressive members of my Order. I would like to see him learn to assert himself more in their presence, and perhaps also to be less trusting and more self-reliant. I’ve also noticed that he can be incredibly literal in his comprehension of what I say, I appreciate when people get directly to the point, but he sometimes has trouble deciphering anything I say that isn’t a direct order. He is very practical, even more so than I, and metaphors are often lost on him.

It took longer for Proxima Midnight’s faults to become apparent to me, and that in part is due to the nature of some of those flaws. She is very secretive, so it takes a more substantial period of time to get to know her than I am used to, and I’ve learned that most of who she truly is isn’t expressed on the outside. I don’t know if she is even capable of letting her guard down or being entirely emotionally invested in anything, I’ve only ever seen her react to emotional obstacles in one of two ways. The first is the most common, and it is driven by her extremely spiteful temper. It is a cold burning that only her enemies will ever see, and when she is in this state no mercy can be expected. However, when she is faced with a similar situation that involves myself or an ally, she will react with avoidance and detachment, which makes it incredibly hard to solve anything. Because of this, she can often come off as arrogant and it has been known to rub people the wrong way. This combined with her controlling nature has certainly caused some problems within the Order.

I have to say, I have had a hard time pinpointing any of Ebony Maw’s imperfections right away because they normally seem nonexistent and I had to think more critically in order to find an answer. But in doing so, it occurred to me that the fact that it is so difficult to speak ill of him could be a symptom of a flaw all on its own. The Maw is such a perfectionist that often times his expectations for himself and those around him far surpass my own. He is just so incredibly cerebral and analytical that not even his own self is spared from that shrewd judgment. Of course, I appreciate his high standards in my service, but there does come a point where it actually becomes counterproductive to fuss over details that really aren’t important, and it can get a little taxing trying to reassure his insecurities about himself and his work that are otherwise perfect. He really should be more confident in himself, he has never failed to deliver or please before so there is really no precedent for such paranoia. Another small issue relates to the fact that while I trust in Ebony to be completely honest with me at all times, he is also not someone I would go to if I needed an entirely objective and unbiased opinion about myself. He is seemingly incapable of critiquing anything I do or could do and will likely just agree with anything I say, not out of dishonesty but simply because he is so eager to please and can’t see me objectively, whereas I could ask Proxima for an outside opinion and expect her to be blunt and get straight to the point, offering me a new perspective and insight while still respecting my authority as Ebony does. Some might also consider Ebony’s clinginess to be a flaw of sorts, and I suppose it could be to some, but it really doesn’t bother me because his presence does not suffocate me in the way that Pravus’ did, I rather enjoy and am endeared to it. Even though he would likely never admit it, I can tell that he is saddened when my attention is drawn elsewhere, but I do not mind giving him as much of it as I am reasonably able to. It may also be worth mentioning that out of all my disciples, Ebony is definitely the most vicious to my enemies and even just in general. If I did not control it and harness that power to be directed at the right targets, he could very well know no limits in his cruelty.

Corvus Glaive, on the other hand…..I have plenty to say about him. Every issue I’ve ever had and likely will ever have with Corvus can be summed up by the fact that he is such a wild card. It’s hard to know what to expect from him from one day to the next, and I often can’t predict which Corvus I will face at any given time, the extremely cunning, strategic and effective war genius whose prowess cannot be denied, or the annoying troublemaker who can at times almost border on insolence and whose puzzling sense of humor sows conflict in even the most stable and peaceful scenarios. Is is the subject of almost all complaints I receive from other members, and even after all this time he is still quite resistant to changing his ways. That is not to say he is disloyal in the slightest, if that were the case he would not be in my Order, let alone the general in command of my armies and one of my most trusted right hand men. But unfortunately, his personality is just set up in such a way where he can be a real pest even when he is not meaning to be and has the best intentions. I suspect his personal issues including his penchant for guzzling large amounts of alcohol play a significant role in this as well, so i am willing to look past his transgressions in order to focus on what he can offer me to make it worth my while putting up with his shenanigans.

There is also Onyx Inferna, who is merely a member in training to take on Pravus’ former role as my personal assistant. I will not go into too much detail regarding her as I have not known her for very long just yet so to judge her qualities in depth would be rather premature as I have not had a good window of context to study her behavioral patterns and shortcomings. However, I do know that so far she is quite volatile and unrestrained, and also appears to have a severe abandonment complex. Nothing that can’t be solved with my guidance, though.

This may sound like a lot to complain about after having just mentioned that it was hard for me to critique anything, but let me just reiterate that these issues are really not present the majority of the time in most cases, and that a lot of these flaws have positive aspects to them that outweigh the negatives. All in all, I am quite proud of my Black Order and I care about them dearly, imperfections included. 

#anon #sorry this took so long

[tomeandflickcorner]

OUAT Episode Analysis- Chosen

Oh, yay!  This episode was directed by Lana Parrilla!  Um…okay.  I honestly have no prevailing opinion of her as a person, but…really?  Does Lana have any experience in directing? It just seems like a weird choice. Was it just that they didn’t have anyone else to sit in the director’s chair for this episode and she was the only one who volunteered to step in?  Were they just throwing her a bone to make her happy?  Is that what this was?

To be honest, however, I really don’t feel qualified to properly judge how the directing for this episode was handled.  I have not studied filmmaking at any point in my academic career, so if you’re asking me if I think Lana did a good job, you might as well be asking me to critique a documentary on quantum physics.  I am not the one to ask.  You’re better off asking someone like @mrs-emma-swan-jones.  She’s the film major, not me.  I’m just here to focus on the actual story.

This episode opens in the Land of Oz.  No, it’s not Parallel Oz.  This is Oz Prime.  (Though it’s possible there isn’t a Parallel Oz.  If there is, there’s no evidence of it.)  Anyway, it’s in that period of time when Zelena ruled over Oz, after banishing Glinda to that Pocked Dimension.  But Zelena goes on the warpath when she learns another witch is encroaching on her territory.  She goes off to try and drive this witch off.  This particular witch ends up being the same witch that Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel faced.  Which means Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel were actually native to Oz and not Parallel Enchanted Forest the way we were led to believe.  Okay, that’s kinda a weird direction.  This means there were two different Hansel and Gretel stories unfolding in the same universe.  (Because I believe it’s been established that Enchanted Forest Prime and Oz were part of the main universe while Parallel Enchanted Forest and the Wish World were in a separate universe.)  But I guess it’s like they said in Doctor Who.  Nothing is impossible.  Just highly unlikely.

So, Zelena barges into the Gingerbread Witch’s gingerbread cottage, where we not only see this particular witch isn’t currently blind, but she has managed to imprison Young Parallel Hansel and Young Parallel Gretel.  Zelena starts to attack the Gingerbread Witch, but before she could even attempt to finish off her rival, the fight is interrupted by Young Parallel Gretel, who begs Zelena to save them. Because the Gingerbread Witch plans to sacrifice the two children in some kind of ritual.  Of course, Zelena has no intention of helping the twins as she’s at that point where she’s only focused on getting back at Regina for what Cora did and generally doesn’t care about anybody else.   But this results in Zelena getting distracted long enough for the Gingerbread Witch to get a chance to direct a magical attack at Zelena, who is blown right out of the Gingerbread House.  This magical attack apparently severely weakened/injured Zelena, as she passes out in the middle of the woods a few moments later.

An undetermined amount of time later, Zelena regains consciousness and finds herself under the care of a blind man named Ivo.  He explains that he found her half frozen to death and brought her back to his cottage to help her regain her strength.  At first, Zelena isn’t willing to accept his help, still focused on her goal of driving off the Gingerbread Witch.  But Ivo insists she stay until she’s well.  Zelena ultimately has very little choice as she can barely walk, so she ends up sticking around.  However, she quickly learns that Ivo is the father of Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel when Ivo explains that he has been searching for his missing children every night, but to no avail.

So now, we have Zelena, regaining her strength under the care of the father of the two kids she neglected to help. And it’s made visibly obvious that the more time Zelena spends under Ivo’s care, the more she starts to genuinely like him.  Perhaps even to the point when she starts to fall for him.  This, of course, leads to her regretting her earlier actions when she refused to help save Ivo’s children.  As such, when Zelena becomes well enough to move about on her own, she ends up returning to the Gingerbread Witch’s place.  But this time, she isn’t motivated by territorial feelings.  She simply wants to save Young Parallel Hansel and Young Parallel Gretel and help reunite them with their father.  She even magically removes the Gingerbread Witch’s eyesight, with the intention of transferring it over to Ivo so he would no longer be blind.  Unfortunately, once the now blind Gingerbread Witch is incapacitated and Zelena enters the Gingerbread House to free the twins, she is horrified to find their cages empty.  Which leads to her believing the Gingerbread Witch already killed them before she could get there.

Filled with remorse and sorrow, Zelena returns to Ivo’s cottage to break the news to him.  However, when she arrives, she learns that Young Parallel Hansel and Young Parallel Gretel had somehow managed to escape from the Gingerbread Witch on their own.  How they managed to do so is never explained.  But now Ivo is angry at Zelena because he now knows that Zelena knew where his children were and didn’t tell him.  He goes on to accuse her of taking advantage of his hospitality and angrily dismisses her, even refusing to accept her offer to restore his sight, claiming he doesn’t need his sight to see what kind of person she really is.

Okay.  The thing that bothers me the most about this scene is the fact that I seriously have no idea what more Zelena could have done in this flashback story.  Sure, she intended to leave Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel to their fates at the start of this episode.  But you could clearly see Ivo’s kindness to her, and her growing affection for him, was affecting her and making her regret her actions.  And the moment she fully recovered from the Gingerbread Witch’s suckerpunch of an attack, she promptly went back to try and fix her mistake. She TRIED to do the right thing in the end.  It wasn’t her fault Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel managed to escape on their own before she got there.  In addition, I don’t think she had any sinister reasons for not telling Ivo where his children were once she figured out their connection.  Seriously, what would telling Ivo that have accomplished? If Ivo tried to go off on his own to save his children, the Gingerbread Witch would have undoubtedly killed him in an instant, and Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel would still be stuck in the same predicament.  Zelena even points that out.  Not that they bothered listening to her logic.  So in that regard, I really think Ivo was really being unfair to Zelena.   I mean, I guess it kinda makes sense and they’d apparently heard of Zelena’s reputation, being natives of Oz and all.  But Zelena tried to help them in the end, and they were all completely unwilling to even consider giving her a second chance.  Because they’re obviously prejudiced against witches or something.  And that just really irks me.  This is probably the #1 trope that just gets under my skin the most- when you see these two characters bonding and forming a connection with one another, but then one of the two learns the other one did something bad before they even met and they instantly start to loathe the person, as if that bad thing they did before they even met completely renders the bond they were forming null and void.

Also, while I’m thinking of it, why do they have such a prejudice against witches in Oz?  Sure, Zelena had a nasty reputation as the Wicked Witch, which was probably not undeserved, but….we’ve seen that there were three other witches. Remember Glinda and those other two witches who they didn’t bother to actually name?  Granted we never really saw how they interacted with the population of Oz, but the impression I got was that they were benevolent and loved.  At least, they were kind and welcoming to Young Dorothy when she first appeared in Oz.  So what’s with the whole ‘there’s no such thing as a good witch’ viewpoint that was going around in this episode?

Anyway, when Zelena sees that Ivo and the children are turning their backs on her, and even rejecting her offer to help restore Ivo’s sight, she reacts negatively by throwing the cure for Ivo’s blindness into the nearby fire.  But as she turns to leave, Young Parallel Hansel grabs a knife and pretty much threatens to kill her for what she’s done.  Though I’m not entirely sure what exactly he feels Zelena doesn’t deserve to walk away from.  If it’s because she didn’t help them earlier, that’s hardly fair because she did have a change of heart and tried to come back for them.  They were just too dismissive of her to listen to her explanation or give her a chance. Is he angry at Zelena for throwing out the cure for his father’s blindness?  If so, that makes even less sense, because Ivo had just stated his refusal to accept the cure anyway.  Confusing motivations aside, Zelena scoffs at Parallel Hansel and, in order to put the angry boy in his place, I guess, she magically directs the flames in the nearby fireplace at Young Parallel Hansel, resulting in him getting that burn scar on his arm.

So now we know why Parallel Hansel is targeting Zelena in present day Hyperion Heights.  Of course, Zelena doesn’t initially know this until she heads over to the police station with Margot in tow to report that she was the next target of the serial killer.  While there, Zelena confronts Rumpelstiltskin about the matter, asking for his help. Even though the reason why they EVER try asking for that man’s help continues to elude me.  Especially in this matter, as it’s clear there’s no love between Rumpelstiltskin and Zelena.  However, he does inform her that he’s learned the serial killer is Parallel Hansel, enabling Zelena to fill in the blanks.  She begs Rumpelstiltskin to help her fight against Hansel.  But not because she’s afraid for her own life.  Because Zelena admits that she’ll deserve whatever Parallel Hansel has in store for her.  No, Zelena’s main concern is for Margot/Robyn, who is purely innocent in regards to the situation.  To appease her, Rumpelstiltskin brings Zelena into his evidence room closet, where he stores all of his accruements.  But instead of giving her a weapon that she could use to defend herself against Parallel Hansel, he gives her that Emerald Medallion that she wore back in S3.  Which is something I thought we’d seen the last of. He goes off on this whole spiel about how the only way Zelena can get through this ordeal is by accepting her past is a part of her and whatnot.  And I’m like, yeah, that’s great, dude.  She asked you for a way to defend herself from Parallel Hansel.  She wasn’t here for a therapy session.  Stop trying to be Archie.

Meanwhile, Parallel Hansel is holding Henry prisoner, in the hopes that Henry will help him in his quest for revenge against Zelena.  But because Henry still isn’t awake, he believes Parallel Hansel is simply delusional and has only adopted the alias of Hansel to cope with the loss of his sister.  Through this scene  (which I felt had subtle undertones that reminded me of the S1 episode Hat Trick, when Emma was held hostage by Jefferson) we get to hear Parallel Hansel reminisce about the many adventures he’d shared with Henry, after he’d adopted the assumed name of Jack in an attempt to put his past demons behind him.  Though, Parallel Hansel does mention a particular venture when he and Henry ended up killing a bunch of giants, which led to Henry dubbing his friend ‘Jack the Giant Killer’.  That part raised a few questions for me.  In Enchanted Forest Prime, the giants were the good guys.  They were a peaceful group who simply wanted to be left alone. Or have A&E forgotten about Anton and his brothers?  I guess it’s possible that the giants of Parallel Enchanted Forest were not as benign as the ones that were featured in S2, but it’s hard to know for sure as we get no context behind this particular story.  Especially since last episode showed Henry raring to slay a dragon despite the fact that he knew three Dragon People personally.  Please, Henry.  Don’t tell me you ended up following in Granduncle James’ footsteps.  You’re supposed to be the good one!

Anyway, Parallel Hansel goes on to explain how he relished in his new identity as the heroic Jack, and how great it felt to be a completely different person.  But when he saw Regina and then Zelena being incorporated into the New Nevengers, his grudge against Zelena, and his deep-rooted prejudice against witches, started to eat away at him, despite his best efforts to overlook their presence. Which does shed some light onto the mystery of the whole Parallel Hansel/Nick issue.  He’s basically a witch-hating bigot who tried to start over with a new identity that led to him being viewed as a hero.  But when he found himself in the continued presence of the very people he once sought to destroy, his true identity and perceived identity began to clash with one another.  What an interesting concept exploring the debate of Free Will vs Determinism.

In an attempt to escape, Henry attempts to play along with Parrallel Hansel by pretending that he believes him. He suggests that Parallel Hansel untie him so he can use his Authorial powers to help rewrite Parallel Hansel’s story. (Kudos to the acknowledgement that Henry is the Author by the way.)  But Parallel Hansel isn’t fooled, as he knows Henry all too well from their adventures together in Parallel Enchanted Forest.  He knows Henry can only use his Arthur Powers when it’s absolutely necessary, and his offer to use them to aid a villain in order to trick them into letting him go is a common tactic of his.  So he doesn’t fall for Henry’s trick.  Instead he tries to prove to Henry that what he’s saying is the truth, by showing him the papers he stole from the lady doctor after killing her.  The ones that showed that Henry was Lucy’s biological father, not Nick.  As he shows him the proof of Lucy’s true parentage, Parallel Hansel explains that he somehow regained his memories that day at the hospital, shortly after getting the bloodtest. However, even though Henry is the Truest Believer, he’s also the son of Emma Swan, and has ended up just as stubborn as her.  So he refuses to believe what Parallel Hansel is telling him, insisting that the document naming him as Lucy’s real father is just a forgery, and that the woman Parallel Hansel is calling Zelena is just an ordinary woman named Kelly.  Henry’s ongoing refusal to believe disappoints Parallel Hansel, but he still refuses to be swayed from his path.  So, knowing that Henry will managed to free himself from the ropes on his own, knocks him out so he won’t be able to stop him from going after Zelena.

While all this is going on, we see Rogers has received a report that Henry’s car was found abandoned on the side of the road.  This information puts him on the alert, especially when he called the airline and learned Henry never boarded his plane.  Rogers then meets up with Jacinda to question her if she’d heard from Henry at all, so she shows him the text that she got from when Parallel Hansel pretended to be Henry.  Upon seeing the text, Rogers, having spotted a gingerbread house kit in Jacinda’s car, which she claimed had come from Nick as a gift for Lucy, urges Jacinda to look again at the text, asking her to see if she can spot anything unusual about the text.  Upon taking a second look, Jacinda finally took note of the fact that the text message addressed her as ‘J,’ which is something only Sabine called her.  But Rogers, remembering the Guys Night Out a few episodes back, recalls that Nick had also referred to Jacinda as such. His suspicions are confirmed when Jacinda admits that Nick does indeed have scars on his arms, but deciding time is of the essence, he doesn’t tell Jacinda what he’s just figured out, simply telling her to get home right away and not answer her phone for anything.  Immediately after giving her his warming, he speeds off in his car, making a beeline for Nick/Parallel Hansel’s apartment.  By the time he arrives, Parallel Hansel had already left to locate Zelena for their final confrontation, but he is able to free Henry, who had just regained consciousness.  So Henry is free to return to Jacinda’s apartment unharmed, where she and Lucy give him a warm welcome.  Though I’m left wondering if they even know he was abducted by a serial killer who turned out to be Lucy’s cursed father.  Regardless of that question, the reunion is a rather sweet one, especially when one looks at the way Henry embraces Jacinda and Lucy.  Even though he hasn’t consciously accepted the fact that they’re his wife and daughter, it’s as if his subconscious does know.

As for Zelena, she has barricaded herself in Regina’s bar, having left Margot at the police station for her protection.  Why Zelena hadn’t remained there herself is anyone’s guess.  While she’s hiding out, the phone starts to ring, and since Regina is nowhere to be found, Zelena is forced to answer it herself.  To her surprise, it turns out to be Chad, her fiancé that has been trying to contact her throughout the episode.  Admittedly, I do end up chuckling at the fact that the fiancé is named Chad.  Because I can’t hear that name without thinking of this:

 Before Zelena can come up with an explanation as to why she hadn’t been returning his calls (which was because she was afraid of how Chad would respond if he knew the truth about Kelly), she discovers that Parallel Hansel has actually taken Chad hostage in order to draw Zelena out of hiding.  Although I can’t figure out how Parallel Hansel managed to get his hands on Chad. Sure, Henry let slip the fact that Zelena/Kelly had a fiancé, and it’s later stated he managed to abduct him by claiming to be an EMT that had come to fetch him after Kelly was injured when her bike got hit by a car.  But how did Parallel Hansel even know what he looked like?

Either way, Zelena now knows she has no choice other than go confront Parallel Hansel.  Because Chad had nothing to do with their dispute and does not deserve to get dragged into this.  So she heads off to save Chad and face Parallel Hansel.  So they have this whole scene with Parallel Hansel taunting Zelena, telling her to let Chad see her for who she really is, and Zelena pointing out that he can’t go around blaming her for the choices he and Parallel Gretel made, or kill other people for her mistakes.  In the end, Parallel Hansel lunges in for the kill, but Zelena manages to get the upper hand.  But she refuses to kill him, even to save her own life.  Instead, she simply manages to knock him out before going to help free Chad.

In the aftermath of the confrontation, while waiting for the police to come pick up the handcuffed Parallel Hansel, Zelena tries to come up with a way to explain things to Chad without getting into the whole fairy tale bits, telling him that she was a different person before they met, and she had hurt a lot of people.  She explains that, when she was with Chad, she finally felt free of her past, but she goes on to tell him that she won’t hold it against him if he decides to call off the engagement, as he didn’t sign up for any of her past baggage.  However, Chad ends up being much more understanding than Ivo was, stating that when he gave Zelena/Kelly the ring, he was signing up for everything, even the parts of her that he doesn’t know.  He points out that Zelena had every opportunity to kill Parallel Hansel but she didn’t. That alone proves that, whatever she might have been in the past, she was a different person now.  As such, the engagement is back on, much to Zelena’s delight.   I do wonder if Chad believes that Zelena/Kelly was involved in the Witness Protection Program or something.  Margot certainly seemed to think so when she started to excitedly ask her if she was a crime boss in the past.  Regardless, it looks as if Zelena is no longer going to be involved in future episodes, as she plans to return to San Francisco with Chad, with Regina letting her know that she won’t hold it against her should Zelena leave before the curse is broken and Henry is cured of his poisoning.  Because Zelena deserves to find happiness.  However, Margot admits that she wants to stay in Hyperion Heights because of her budding friendship with Tilly.  Zelena approves of this, probably knowing that Margot has met Alice’s cursed persona of Tilly.  But before she leaves, Zelena gives Margot old Emerald Medallion, asking her to wear it as her maid of honor at the wedding.

Now, what about Parallel Hansel, who is in police custody?  Well, this is when things get a bit confusing.  Throughout the episode, we got this weird subplot with Facilier approaching Drew/Naveen, reminding him of the fact that he’s still indebted to Facilier. Part of Facilier’s plan for Naveen to earn Sabine/Tiana’s trust is so Naveen can get access to Sabine’s food truck in order to get Facilier some of the powdered sugar used for the beignets.  Because Facilier needed to sprinkle some of that powdered sugar onto a voodoo doll of Parallel Hansel.   Facilier then takes the sugar covered voodoo doll to the police station where he manages to slip into the interrogation room where Parallel Hansel is being held without being detected by the cops.   Facilier starts monologing, explaining that he was the one who woke up Parallel Hansel because he planned to use him as an attack dog of sorts against the Coven of Eight. Particularly Gothel herself.  But Facilier is angry that Parallel Hansel got sidetracked by his personal vendetta against Zelena and got himself caught as a result. As punishment, Facilier kills Parallel Hansel with the voodoo doll.

I’m admittedly rather disappointed that they just killed Parallel Hansel off like that.  There’s so many wasted opportunities now.  We’re probably never going to see Jacinda and Lucy react to the knowledge that Nick turned out to be a serial killer.  And imagine how Henry will feel once he wakes up.  It’s clear that he and Parallel Hansel/Jack were close friends.  And now Henry’s going to have to come to terms with the fact that there was a side of his friend he never knew, and he won’t even have a chance to talk about it with that friend.  Not to mention I really wanted to see Parallel Hansel come to understand where he went wrong.  Maybe even to the point when he lets go of his prejudices and his anger at Zelena. Instead, he’s unceremoniously killed off.  But then again, it has been a while since the show really let people just be people.

Though I’m wondering what the significance of the powdered sugar is going to be.  What was the point of Facilier sprinkling some of the powdered sugar onto the voodoo doll?  Is this going to end up being his attempt at framing Sabine for Parallel Hansel’s murder? Because I think it’s pretty much been indicated that Facilier was the one who framed Tilly for the murders of the Lady Doctor and Blind Baker.  And how does Naveen/Drew fit into all of this?

Now, I’ve seen a few people comparing Parallel Hansel to Greg Mendel/Owen Flynn, the guy who harbored a grudge against Regina back in S2B.  I can sort of see where they’re coming from, as there are certainly similar elements.  Owen Flynn adopted the alias of Greg Mendel during his quest to find out what happened to his father, and developed a strong grudge against Regina, who had separated father and son in the first place.  And Parallel Hansel clearly adopted the alias of Jack and harbored a grudge against Zelena for burning him, and for not saving them from the Gingerbread Witch.  And both were killed off rather abruptly, before they were granted an opportunity to make peace with their tragic backgrounds and let go of their grudges.

However, I think this is where the similarities end.  In Greg/Owen’s case, Regina knowingly separated father and son, and later killed the father in cold blood.  And when she was confronted by Greg upon her recognizing him as the little boy she’d once known, she showed no sign of remorse over what she’d done and even lied about it to his face.  She only admits her crime after being tortured, but when she does, she virtually gloats about it.

Zelena, on the other hand? While it’s true she was in the wrong when she initially neglected to help free Parallel Hansel and Parallel Gretel, and was also wrong to burn Parallel Hansel’s arm, she genuinely did try to do the right thing and reunite the children with their father.  And when Zelena learns that the serial killer who was targeting her is Parallel Hansel, you do see that she feels remorse for what she did.  And in their confrontation, while Zelena does make a few witty remarks, she never actually taunts Parallel Hansel over what she did to him.  In fact, she even admits straight out that she deserves whatever Parallel Hansel might have in store for her.

To be honest, I felt this whole backstory with Zelena and Parallel Hansel had more in common with Killian Prime and Boy Baelfire than it did with Regina and Greg/Owen.  During their brief time together, Killian Prime and Boy Baelfire were forming a legitimate bond, with Killian Prime coming to love Baelfire as a surrogate son.  And I think it’s extremely possible that Killian Prime would have sincerely changed and given up his desire to get revenge on Rumpelstiltskin in order to be a proper father figure for Baelfire.  But the moment Boy Baelfire finds out about Killian Prime’s previous connection to his mother, he instantly closes himself off, letting that one issue completely overshadow everything he and Killian Prime had previously shared and refusing to even give Killian Prime a chance to prove his desire to change. Which, in turn, results in Killian Prime closing himself off as well, allowing Pan’s minions to abduct the boy. Yeah, just change the names and faces, and this new backstory of Zelena’s is exactly the same as that particular chapter in Killian Prime’s life.  Taking that into consideration, it’s rather ironic that Zelena and Wish Killian (whose backstory is supposed to be identical to Killian Prime’s) will probably end up being co-in-laws one day.

So, with that, we’re down the final five episodes.  And it appears the next one is going to focus on the backstory behind Alice’s alliance with Rumpelstiltskin.  And Facilier is involved somehow.  Maybe now we’ll finally know why Facilier is after the dagger.  And why Rumpy Rumps went all Crocky again.  That aside, can we please just have everyone else wake up already?  Because the only people who aren’t awake now are Henry, Parallel Ella, Tiana, Wish Killian, Alice and Robyn.  And it’s really starting to frustrate me, because those are the people I want to wake up the most.  Because those are the people I’m genuinely interested in this season.

(Click here to read more Episode Analyses)

#ouat episode analysis #ouat 7x17 #zelena #parallel hansel #margot #robyn hood #rumpelstiltskin #detective rogers #wish world!killian #regina mills #henry mills #jacinda #parallel!cinderella #sabine #tiana #lucy mills #naveen #dr facilier

[sarah-bae-maas]

A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Eighteen

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

One Two  Three  Four  Five Six Seven   Eight Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve   Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen  Sixteen Seventeen 

***

-Chapter 18-

 “I found something,” Mor breathed, as she clutched the tattered and worn book in her hand.

Azriel’s gaze snapped to her, his hazel eyes snatching on the book in her hands. It was old and musty, and it smelt of rain and mould and gave the room a horrible stench, but she didn’t care. Because, finally, she had found something about Kaden’s mother.

“Where?” Was all Azriel asked. He stood from his position in the war room, still configuring the files given to them by Eleana and Felix. This was the moment they had been waiting for. This meant that they could tell Kaden the truth, and have something to offer him about his past.

“Ralis. Hewn City has been illegally dumping there for years, and the local faeries had been hoarding anything they thought could be valuable. Once upon a time, this book was engraved in gold.” Mor had to hold back tears as her hands shook from excitement and exhilaration. When she had first found it, digging around in piles of nick knacks, her hope had been half hearted. It wasn’t until she opened the diary, and started reading, that the tears overcame her the way her relief did.

“What is it?” Azriel looked too cautious to move any closer to her, as if the thing she had finally found would vanish if he hoped too hard or came too close.

“It’s a diary from an unnamed woman, talking about the affair she had with an Illyrian on Starfall, and the baby she had consequently. A baby with shocking dark eyes, and lovely blonde hair just like hers.”

“Could it possibly be about Kaden? That diary would be from over twenty years ago. How could it have survived Ralis, even in the care of the faeries?” He took a step closer to her, eyes still pinned to the journal.

“The baby she speaks of – her baby – is described with the wings of an Illyrian and the magic of a fae. She speaks about him watching things, smiling at things that no one else could see. How his golden skin was a contrast to the paleness of the people that lived underground. She calls him her baby of Starfall, blessed by the spirits.” Mor’s voice shook as much as her hands, and she reached out to Azriel who finally took the book from her hands.

He flicked through the pages, being as careful as he could so as not to damage the delicate pages. His eyes raced back and forth, taking in the words about his nephew. “She didn’t name him Kaden.”

“No, she did not.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Azriel closed the book as well as his eyes, and breathed a deep sigh.

“I doubt they told anyone his name when they abandoned him to the Illyrians. He was given a name when they likely thought he didn’t have one. There’s more.” Azriel looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “Read until the end,” she told him. The diary started the moment she discovered she was pregnant, and ended with Kaden leaving. “That’s the most important part.”

Mor went to her husband and left a lingering kiss to his cheek. This was something he would want to read alone.

____

“I never thought I would be this close to your penis. It’s not as unpleasant as I had imagined.”

Kaden rolled his eyes and shifted around so he could sit in a more comfortable position. He, too, never imagined having Felix’s head practically in between his thighs, but here they were.  

After they had finished a gruelling training session with the Elite, Kaden realised that his newly acquired tattoo had started to bleed, quite profusely, and he was too embarrassed to go back to a healer, so instead he enlisted the help of his best friend. He had gotten the tattoo a few days ago, on the night he had found out about Azriel. He was drunk and sad and had the brilliant thought of permanently inking into his skin the best day of his life – the day he had spent with Eleana. He and Felix had wandered to an Illyrian they knew did tattoos, and honestly this is only something he could’ve done intoxicated. He let the Illyrian female tattoo between the teeth marks Eleana had left on the inside of his upper thigh, a beautiful, black and red rose.

It had gotten infected immediately.

Now Felix was inspecting it and doing as much as he could without ruining the tattoo. And that happened to require Felix getting very up close and personal with Kaden.

“I can’t wait until you show Eleana. She’s going to smack you for being so stupid. Here, want a pastry to distract yourself?” Felix reached behind him and a plate of apricot pastries appeared on the table. He offered one to Kaden, who graciously accepted.

“I don’t think I’ll ever show her.” His words were garbled around the multiple delectable treats he had shoved in his mouth.

“I’m going to have to clean the couch after this. You’re leaking everywhere.”

“You need to throw this couch out, Felix.” Kaden fluffed Felix’s hair and then winced as Felix targeted a particularly sensitive spot.

“I’m nearly done.” He reassured.

How embarrassing. Kaden can’t even get a tattoo right. What will it be like after he does the Bloodrite, and he has them covering his body? At least they would match the dark rose on his thigh.

Felix didn’t take too much longer, and when he was done he wrapped it with herbs and gauze as another preventative measure. His magic should do the trick, but you can never be too careful.

“Thank you. It must have been traumatizing to have to go through that.” Kaden joked.

“Trust me, if this is the worst thing I see today I will have been blessed.” Felix helped Kaden stand, and the two moved towards the door.

They weren’t finished for the day, but they couldn’t exactly show up to assess aerial units while Kaden was in the state he was. They opened the door and made their way down the path that led to the mountains that held the units. It was blazing hot, summer less than a week away, and the warmth was enriching. When they got there, Felix instructed him to make notes of the flyers while Felix praised and critiqued them. They were doing various flying drills and courses, and Kaden felt weirdly smug that the women often overpowered the men. Felix would occasionally point out a particular person and tell Kaden to remember that move so he could do it in the future. Felix also had to write reports for every person they evaluated, and Kaden acted as his scribe while Felix spoke aloud while watching them. This meant that sometimes Kaden didn’t get to see the flying, but if there was something important to see then Felix always made sure Kaden saw.

There was one female, nothing but praise, who blitzed the course and everyone else’s scores by miles. Kaden struggled to write everything Felix was saying, and eventually stopped when Felix���s evaluating turned to commentary – like he was watching a game and his favourite team was playing. Which made sense, when Kaden looked up and saw that the female who had just completed the course was Eleana. She was too far away to see them, but her silhouette would never be lost to Kaden.

She had her arms above her head and was stretching her back, making it arch. Her leathers hitched up the tiniest bit, exposing just a slither of skin at her hip. A sliver that Kaden had touched and roamed and-

He needed to focus.  

He and Felix left once their work was done, unfortunately not seeing Eleana before they went. Dusk had started to fall, unlike the heat, and Kaden and Felix made their separate ways when it came to the split that Kaden took to go back to his tent. Felix had objected every time Kaden insisted that is where he wanted to continue residing, and Kaden doubted Felix would ever stop. At least Eleana had stopped asking.

As he made his way, he shirked off his leathers to try and escape the heat. The night breeze was helping, and Kaden was grateful he would have it surrounding him. He thinks he might have duck for dinner, he just has to go hunt some. Worst comes to worst, he still has some dried nuts and fruit he can snack on.

His plans went awry though, when he noticed Azriel standing in front of his tent, shadows fully fledged, his back turned. Kaden knew Azriel had heard him approach, and kicked himself for not noticing the older male sooner. If he had, he might’ve taken up Felix’s offer of refuge.

“Kaden.” Azriel didn’t turn, just continued to search through the trees and under bush with his heavy gaze.

“Azriel.” Kaden swallowed. He didn’t know what to expect from this, but whatever it was, he doubted it would be pleasant. Was Azriel here to punish him for causing a rift between him and Eleana?

Kaden’s breathing became heavy, and the stabs of pain he’d initially felt those days ago became fresh. He could summon Felix, or Eleana, either would come in a heartbeat. Either way he did not want to be here with the man who had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with him.

A thought crossed his mind, that maybe Azriel was mad about what Kaden had done to his brothers. But that was ludicrous. Was it? Yes, it was. His nerves were just making him think crazy things.

“Eleana must have told you the truth by now.” Azriel voice was deathly quiet, and Kaden hated to admit to himself that he was scared to approach the male.

Scared and embarrassed.

His cheeks flamed red at the thought of every moment he had spent with the famed shadowsinger. The outbursts he’d had, the hope he’d had. So he stayed silent, letting Azriel dictate the conversation.

“From the glares she gives me every time I see her, I assume that you must have strong feelings on the subject.” Azriel continued. “I can’t begin to imagine what you must have thought of me, what you must have thought of yourself.” Azriel turned, and Kaden was shocked to see the tear stains marring the emotionless male’s face.

“Stop.” This wasn’t a conversation Kaden wanted to have. Not now, not ever. He never wanted to have to face Azriel again.

“I can explain, Kaden.” Azriel stepped forward, and hand outreached.

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need to hear whatever explanation you plan on giving me, and as far as I’m concerned you needn’t bother yourself with me again.” Kaden stepped away from Azriel and made a beeline in the other direction. Felix was sure to still be awake, probably making dinner, and his friend never said no to guests or to the opportunity to cook for them.

Kaden could hear Azriel following him, and was grateful that no other Illyrians sullied themselves with this area of the camp.

“I wanted to tell you,” Azriel grabbed Kaden’s arm, forcing him to stop and look at him. “But I wanted to wait until I had something to give you, more than just my home and family.”

Kaden shook off his arm, but still stayed focused on Azriel. “With all due respect, fuck off. I don’t need whatever pathetic story you’re going to tell me just so you’re okay with Felix and Eleana again. I know the truth now, and I’m not mad, but I can’t stand here and listen to this bullshit.”

There was a small part of Kaden that was curious to what lie Azriel would tell, but there was also a small part of him that had started to believe that he was worth something. And for that tiny, miniscule part to grow, Kaden had to stop lingering on things like this.

“I’m not the one you want to speak to right now,” Kaden lowered his voice. “Go see Felix and Eleana. Make amends. I won’t interfere. The last thing I want is for them to be angry at you for this, and if it’s any consolation, they won’t be for long. You mean far too much to them for that.” Kaden was telling the truth. The last thing he wanted was for them to be mad at their uncle, and he could see them already wavering. That morning alone, Felix had extra scones and his first thought was to send them to Azriel; Azriel loved his scones! Then he looked at Kaden, and lowered his hands, and the scones remained where they were. This is not what Kaden wanted. Felix’s family was a gift, truly beautiful, and never did he want something to change that, least of all him.

“You have to believe me.” Azriel begged. Kaden had never heard the man beg, and didn’t like it – didn’t like him lowering himself like that. “It’s not that I don’t – that I don’t want you as part of my family. My wife adores you, I think you are a brilliant young man. But I wanted you to come when you were more secure in yourself. When you weighed your self-worth as more than just the relationships you had with people. That isn’t a way to sustain yourself. I thought that if I could give you more, some information about your past, make you believe you didn’t have to live in that damn tent, then you could see what I see. What Felix sees.”

Azriel had piqued Kaden’s interest, and he started really listening. Taking in Azriel’s words.

“Mor has done so much in the past few months, everything she can to try and find your mother-”

His mother?

“-so we could piece together your past, and help you heal.” Azriel finished. Only now did Kaden realise that Azriel was holding something to the side in his other hand. It was an old book, rotting and mouldy, but Azriel was holding it like it was the most precious treasure. “Mor found this today in Ralis, having been thrown out from Hewn City. It’s a diary of a young fae who became pregnant after a drunken night with an Illyrian on Starfall. She inquired further, and it’s been in the possession of local faeries for nearly twenty years.”

Kaden started shaking as Azriel tried to hand the book to him, jerking his head in protest. “I don’t want it.”

“It’s about you. It could only be about you.”

“There’s a mistake. You’ve made a mistake.” Kaden took a faltering step back. “My mother didn’t love me, she never would’ve written about me.”

“There is so much you don’t know. Take this, read it, and summon me if you would like to talk.” Azriel gave him the book, shoving it forcefully, but carefully, into Kaden’s quivering hands, before disappearing.

Kaden looked down at the fraying book, and stumbled his way to Felix’s home. If the contents of this diary were about him, he didn’t think he could read it on his own.

When he came to Felix’s, he just walked in. It was a habit that he had adopted lately, and he knew that he should be politer and knock, but thoughts of etiquette often left his mind when he was this emotional. He senses went straight to the kitchen, smelling the comforting aromas of basil and garlic as Felix cooked. Felix’s baking sometimes overshadowed his cooking, but both were immaculate.

“Felix!” He called out, and went to sit down on the couch. He hummed in amusement when he noticed that Felix had cleaned it.

“My favourite bastard returns!” Felix replied from the kitchen.

Kaden didn’t say anything, just let Felix finish and come out in his own time. He was in no rush, and didn’t want to disturb his friend any more than he had to.

He waited, and Felix came out minutes later with dinner for them both – pasta with a lovely tomato sauce and minced beef. Felix handed him a plate and sat next to him, wasting no time as he began munching away at his meal. Kaden did the same, forgetting the book and just letting himself enjoy a hearty dinner.

They were both done and leaning back when Felix asked him why he had come by.

“Azriel came to visit me.”

Felix raised his eyebrow. “And what did he say?”

“He gave me this.” Kaden pulled the book out from the couch next to him and handed it to Felix. Felix wiped his hands on his pants then scanned through the pages, but stopped soon after the beginning.

“This is… your mothers? How can that be?” Felix closed the book with care, smoothing his hands over the cover.

“I don’t know.” Kaden admitted. “But I do know I can read it alone.”

Felix nodded, and moved the book between them so that, together, they could read it from start to finish.

____

Kaden sat in silence next to his friend, both too blown away by what they just read to speak. It had been like this for nearly an hour, since the moment they closed the book, the last and only words of Kaden’s mother that they would ever know still splayed before them.

He couldn’t remember her a single bit, and know he knew why. He had always had this image of pure truth in his mind. The story of his mother was one that he thought he knew. Now, he realised he didn’t know much of anything.

Kaden felt a surge of love for the nameless, faceless fae that had birthed him.

Reading her diary was heart-wrenching in a way he had never felt before. Reading her words, now knowing how much she loved him… It was something else entirely.

“She didn’t give you away.” Felix shuddered.

“No.”

“Your name isn’t Kaden.”

“Apparently not.”

“And she fought for you with everything she had. She wanted to keep you, until her last moments.”

“It’s not clear whether she died or not.”

Felix placed a hand on his arm, and Kaden could see the unshed tears lining his eyes. “Hope is a dangerous force of nature when focused on the wrong person. What Keir did to her was a death sentence, Kaden. Make no mistake in that.”

Kaden let out a trembling breath, his eyes squeezing shut in an effort to hold back his emotion. Why had Azriel given him this? If what he was saying was true, and Lady Morrigan had been searching all these months to find information on his mother so that they might piece together his broken past… Well, that would mean that they care. A lot.

Could this mean – could this possibly mean that he might one day have a family? One of his own flesh and blood, that cared for him despite his shortcomings. People that he could stand there, waiting for him after the Bloodrite, one day invite to his wedding, introduce his children to, someone to be proud of him.  

Kaden looked down at the last passage in in mother’s diary, still open in his hands.

My most lovely Dimitri, how I love him so. One day, maybe once we’re both stars racing across the night, I will chase him and join him again. I hope they told me the truth, and that he is now with his father, stretching his beautiful wings to the wind and singing the song of the sky. My little boy, the most precious baby, I will never forget his curls and smile until my very last breath.

I can no longer fight. I can barely move my hand, but I want this etched somewhere so that at least when I lose my mind, I will never lose him. From the moment I felt him growing, the life he breathed into my soul, I knew he was the only thing I ever needed to be happy. How I have been blessed!! Although I am to remain forever in this retched place, with people who are not my kin nor my friends, I am glad that my baby boy will be free.

I am crying, so profusely that I’m worried my tears will smear the ink as I write this. I can’t help but see the wonderful future he is to have without me. I want to see in person the first time he takes flight, his first steps, his firsts words. I want to be there when he trains, uses his special magic. I already know that he will have the finest of wives, and it ruins me to think that I will never see him marry. He is but a baby, but I can see his whole future ahead of him.

A future that I am not in.

I don’t anyone to ever make the mistake of thinking that I don’t love him. That I don’t want my son. He’s gone, and soon I will be too. If the Mother is gracious, maybe she will let me watch him as a cloud.

It ended there, with a spatter of ink droplets on the page.

“Where can I – if I found out more about the punishments then I could find her. Who would I speak to? Could you take me there, to Hewn City?” Kaden – or should he call himself Dimitri? – pleaded with his friend.

“If you want more, you need to speak to Mor.” Felix shook his head and pinched the base of his nose. “This is huge.”

“What are you on about?”

Felix started down at him and the book. “I’m so very incredibly happy for you. Now run along and sneak into Velaris you pesky bastard.”

_____

Kaden didn’t know exactly which house belonged to Azriel and Lady Morrigan, but it wasn’t hard to track them. He reached a house that was shockingly colourful, with plants growing on every conceivable service. He could see lamps lit inside, the whole place as bright as a star, and before he knocked he tried to slow his heavy breathing. Why was it only in the worst of circumstances that he came to Velaris? This was Eleana’s home, and one day he hoped he would be able to see it the way she did. Now, whenever he thought of the city, he couldn’t help the feeling of dread that entered his body.

When he felt he was calm enough, he knocked on the door.

Lady Morrigan was the one to open it. She was wearing practical clothing, a sturdy blouse and leather pants, and was holding a steaming cup of tea. She looked shocked to see him, and Kaden could feel pink starting to stain his cheeks.

“Lady Morrigan, I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“No – No. Of course not. Come in.” She ushered him inside, closing the door behind him. Kaden awkwardly stood in her doorway until she forced him into the longue, making him sit on an expensive looking arm chair. She put the tea down beside him on a side table, and then pulled a blanket out of thin air and covered him with it.

“Lady Morrigan?”

“You just sit tight right here, okay? I’ll get Azriel, and we can all speak, and you drink that tea up, it’s good for you. Take your shoes off, make yourself at home, and I’ll – and I’ll get some snacks. Are you hungry? I can make you dinner.” She rambled.

Kaden tried to move the blanket aside, but she quickly moved forward and tucked him back in again, as if going on instinct alone. “That won’t be necessary, Lady Morrigan. I’ve already eaten, and it’s nearly summer.” He moved the blanket back again, and she realised what she had been doing. She skittered back. Kaden had never seen her this shaken before.

“Yes, of course. Okay. Stay here. I’ll get Azriel, but you stay right here. I’ll be only a minute.”

She nodded in affirmation, but didn’t go anywhere. She was clearly very nervous, and Kaden felt uncomfortable that he was making her feel that way.

“I can leave, Lady Morrigan-”

“Mor. You must call me Mor.” She covered her mouth with her hands, taking in the sight of him bedraggled and sitting on her chair. “I’m sorry, Kaden. This is just not how I wanted the first time you were in our home to be.” She whispered. “Stay.” She said louder and with more surety.

She left in a flourish, so quickly that if Kaden blinked he would have missed it. He sat back in the chair and braced his hands on its arms. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of citrus and tea that inhabited their home.

He could hear muffled voices from upstairs, but they didn’t seem to be arguing. Deciding he was in much too vulnerable a position, Kaden stood up and paced around the room, observing the things Azriel and Morrigan had collected over the years. He could hear Mor and Azriel’s footsteps coming down the stairs, and his heart hammered in his chest.

He was inspecting their collection of books, many the same as Eleana’s, when Azriel cleared his throat to get his attention.

“So, my name is Dimitri and my mother didn’t give me away.” Kaden opened ruefully.

“Your name is still Kaden. It was unlikely they told my brother you already had a given name, so he gave you one. Little things like that do not change who you are.” Azriel assured him.

Kaden held up the book. “And this is everything you know?”

Lady Morrigan nodded vehemently. “Yes, yes of course.”

Kaden broke eye contact with her, and shuffled. “Is there a way to find out more? She mentions a lot about Hewn City, but it seems like she wasn’t born there. And her name? I would love to know her name.” He said wistfully.

“I will find out as much as I can, son. We,” Azriel entwined his fingers with that of his wife. “We will never stop, unless you want us to.” Azriel’s gaze was heavy on Kaden, making him look at the ground instead.

Both Azriel and Lady Morrigan were just so intense. It was hard to see them looking at him with so many expectations.

“There are other things.” Morrigan strode to him and clasped his hands in hers, the book a jumble in between them. “We want more than just to help you learn. We want to be here for you, and support you, and embrace you.” She had a broad smile on her face, but Kaden could see it was just there to hide her tears. But why was she upset?

“Please, you don’t need to be sad, Lady Morrigan. I can fend for myself, you don’t have to worry about me. Or feel guilty.” Kaden believed that was all this was.

He hadn’t even told Felix or Eleana, but since discovering that Azriel was his uncle, he remembered the time they first met. Not when Eleana was taken, but when Kaden was a mere child too shy to come out from behind his father’s legs. He was so scared of the shadowsinger, knowing who he was to the court but not who he was to his father. That didn’t unsettle him. What did, was the fact that Azriel would’ve known that he existed, and he would’ve known what happened to bastards in a family like that. And looking at the guilt that emanated from Azriel and Lady Morrigan, they had thought of this too.

“We’re not doing this out of guilt, Kaden.” Azriel spoke. “We want you. We want you to be a part of our family.”

“But why?”

“Because you’re terrific.” Morrigan answered instantly. “And we – we don’t know how to be parents, and we know you’re an adult, but we still want you in our home. We want to look after you, and show you what it’s like to have a real family. You a such a strong young man, and when I see you I see the Azriel I met over six hundred years ago, and I think about how his life changed because he met a woman who wanted him as her own. I want to be that for you.” She squeezed his hands, and he searched her face for any ill-intent.

Finding none, he squeezed her hands back, and instantly her smile became genuine.

“Come. Let us show you something.” Azriel was smiling too, and he walked away and up the stairs. Kaden followed, releasing Lady Morrigan’s hands.

They led him up and then down a corridor. All the doors were open, they were either studies, more longue rooms, or bed rooms, except for one door that remained closed. Azriel twisted the simple ebony handle and stepped inside.

It was another bedroom. The walls were a pale yellow, the floor the softest blue carpet. There was a bathroom off to the right, and a king bed pushed up against the left wall. The wall straight in front of him was all glass, giving him a wonderful view of Velaris. A stunning pianoforte was in the centre of the room. Besides that, it was bare.

“This is the room we made for you, in case you ever wanted to stay in Velaris with us.” Azriel explained.

“The bathroom is all stocked, scented soaps and candles ready to go.” Morrigan bristled into the room and started to point things out to Kaden. “The floor has just been cleaned, and I’ve left a few sets of clothing in the closet. They are yours. Everything in this room is yours. If you stay, you are here as a member of the family and it is just as much your home as it is ours. You are free to have guests over,” She moved to the bed, and pulled out a draw that was imbedded beneath. “And if you have Eleana over, I have left tonics and other various types of protection in here for your use.”

Kaden’s face flamed. He could never bring Eleana here while Azriel and Morrigan were in the house. She was too… loud.

And they were just friends. Yes. That too.

“It’s yours, if you want it.” Azriel placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe I could stay here tonight.” Kaden suggested. “It’s late, and I flew here from the camp.” These things had clearly been here for a while. The carpet was indented below the feet of the pianoforte, same with the other furniture. When Kaden peered into the closet, there was a hanger that was empty, a hanger that would’ve held the coat Lady Morrigan gave him during winter.

They had been planning this for a while.

Kaden’s hands lingered over the keys of the pianoforte, a passion he had yet to fully explore. He loved to play, often did for the children in the share houses, even sharing his meagre knowledge with them. Azriel would’ve heard him play before, or heard Felix talk about it, and had made a conscious decision that Kaden would want one in his room.

“We’ll leave you be.” Morrigan came up and pressed a kiss to his temple. “If you need anything, just call out. I’ll make us breakfast in the morning, and we can discuss what Azriel and I have been doing the past few months. I’ll warn you my pancakes aren’t as good as what you’re used to with Felix, but I’ll try my best!” She laid her palm on his face, and then left, Azriel on her heels.

“Thank you!” He called out after them.

Kaden scoured through the closet, finding a set of silk pyjamas in his size. He was hesitant to put them on, knowing he didn’t deserve them, but he did anyway. He didn’t want to offend them. He crawled into the bed, and it was so comfortable and big that he nearly drowned in it and he wouldn’t have minded.

It was strange though. He had never slept in a bed without Eleana, and he didn’t know if he wanted to. Maybe he would summon her just for tonight, so he could debrief her on the day’s events. Azriel and Morrigan said she was more than welcome.

Yes. Calling Eleana. He just might do that.

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acohad #a court of hearts and darkness #feysand #moriel #fanfic