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lazycats-stuff · 1 year

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Bruce Wayne x male!reader

Summary: Bruce has some issues with Damian in school, especially with English. But Damian's class master, (Y/N), is more than happy with Damian to help him with English. Bruce didn't expect to fall in love with the teacher.

Warnings: Damian being a matchmaker, Bruce is whipped, (Y/N) wants to help Damian with his English.

Bruce took a deep breath as he was walking towards the classroom. He got an another call from Damian's teacher and class master, (Y/N). Damian is good in all other subjects, but in English he is struggling a lot. Bruce was worried about that, because he knew that Damian was stubborn and he sees that asking for help is a weakness.

Bruce knocked on the door and entered the classroom. (Y/N) was putting some papers away. The teacher looked up and smiled in greeting.

" Good afternoon mister Wayne, please sit. "

Bruce nodded and sat down. " Thank you. My apologizes for pushing this. I had crazy 2 weeks at work. "

" It's okay, I understand. Now, I wanted to talk about Damian. "

" Is he still closed off? "

" Yes. I am worried because he doesn't have any friends. He is usually off to the side and just alone. And he is struggling with his exams. Do you want to see his exams? "

" Please. " Bruce took the papers and looked them over. The mistakes were so... Bruce read the exams over and handed them back to (Y/N).

" I think I know why he is struggling here. English is not his first language, it's Arabic. For the first 10 years of his live, he lived with his mother, who is Arabic. "

(Y/N) nodded in understanding.

" Oh. Well, that explains the low grade now. I know you live outside of Gotham so I don't know when this could work for you, but I always stay a little longer for students who are struggling. We could set up a day what could work for you or somebody else to pick him up? "

" Mister (L/N), that is an excellent idea. Although, I feel like I need to warn you. He is extremely stubborn. "

" Don't worry about that mister Wayne, I have worked with really stubborn kids, I think some even more stubborn than Damian. "

Bruce chuckled at that. There is no more stubborn than Damian.

" You know, mister Wayne, I thought this meeting was going to in a completely other direction. "

Bruce cocked his head to the side.

" What do you mean? "

" I had parents who blamed me for their grades, then they excused their kids... And they are usually rich to put it bluntly. "

" Teachers don't get paid enough. "

" Yeah, but I am not in this job for the money. I just like teaching and working with kids. "

Bruce was in awe. Teachers like (Y/N) are truly rare today in this world.

" And which day would work for you mister Wayne? "

" It would have to be Friday then. "

" Then it's settled. Thank you for coming mister Wayne. "

Both men shook hands and Bruce left the classroom. His right hand was tingling slightly. Bruce was confused by the tingling feeling. What the hell? Bruce shook his head to clear his mind. Now he just has to break this news to Damian. He could only hope that house would still stand.

It's been 2 weeks since they started and (Y/N) was surprised with the amount of stubbornness that Damian is packed with. It seems that Bruce's warning was... Well, (Y/N) wasn't exactly caught off guard when he saw the stubbornness.

" Okay... This better. "

" But this is almost nothing. There is no progress mister (L/N). "

(Y/N) raised his eyebrow and gave Damian a look. " Damian, considering where were were about a month ago, you are doing better. You know, I think that any progress no matter how small or big is a progress. You want to know something? "

Damian nodded, his curiosity piqued now. (Y/N) was his favorite teacher and he tried to be better in his subject, but English is not easy.

" I was really bad at English too. Like failing. But my teacher wasn't allowing me to give up. She worked with me after school just like we are doing now. And in high school I was lucky to have a great teacher too. Both of them made me fall in love with the language.

" But it's not easy. "

" I know, trust me, but once I passes my first final, I was so happy. And trust me, that was the hardest exam of my life. And English is my native language, so that speaks volumes. Now, tell me what's bothering you about English? "

" Is everything an acceptable answer? "

(Y/N) started laughing. He couldn't stop, he tried to stop, but he couldn't stop. " Oh Damian... "

" It is a valid answer? "

" It is, it just caught me off guard. Okay, is the grammar the thing that is bothering you or is it spelling? "

" Both. The spelling is... Insane. And grammar? I would rather run 3 triathlons then do it. "

" I know how you feel, but you have to. So, here is an idea. Next time, I will bring some snacks for you and each time you solve an exercise and if it's correct, you get a snack. Deal? "

" Yes. Are we done for today mister (L/N)? "

" We are Damian. You can pack up. "

Damian muttered a thank God and started packing. (Y/N) huffed out a laugh at that. A knock on the door of the classroom and Bruce's head popping in.

" Hello. "

" Hello mister Wayne. "

" How was it Damian? "

" Torture. " Damian said leaving the classroom.

(Y/N) snorted at that. Bruce smiled too.

" How is he doing? "

" Good. He is really trying to improve. He just needs to keep going. "

" I am relieved to hear that. "

" Does he like reading? It will help him with the understanding. The more he reads the better. "

" I have a really big library in the mansion full of different books. He should be able to find something to read. Thank you for staying after school for him. "

(Y/N) chuckled and waived his hand.

" I have told you before mister Wayne, I have no problem with staying behind for him. "

" Still, thank you again. "

" And again, you don't need to thank me. I am simply helping my students. "

Damian huffed as he waited for his father to come to drive him. Sure, he could drive himself, but his father would be mad if he were to do so. He noticed that his father looked dazed and... In love?

" Father? "

" Yes Damian? "

" Are you in love? With my class master? " Damian asked, a bit shocked.

" What!? No, I just thanked him. "

" Are you sure? In the last 4 weeks, you are not yourself. You are distracted a lot. "

" And if I am in love? " Bruce asked, unlocking the car.

" If it's (Y/N), you can't hurt him. He is my favorite teacher and if you hurt him, there will be hell to pay.

Bruce's mouth dropped a little as Damian walked into the car. Bruce laughed for a moment before he entered the car and started driving back home.

Damian was getting better, but he still needs help. So (Y/N) and Bruce made a deal for (Y/N) to come on Saturdays. Bruce wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not, but Damian was happy and his progress was incredible.

And the other boys love him too. Even Jason did, which is the one thing that shocked everyone, especially Bruce. But it made him think. Maybe he was the one. Him being Batman made it difficult to make relationships. And once he did try, the people weren't interested in his kids, they were interested in his money. Bruce always left them, his kids being first for him.

And you know what? If he is supposed to be single forever, but be a good father to his kids then so be it. But... If he were to find somebody who loves his kids just as he loves, that would be amazing. But he wasn't lucky enough to find somebody like that. But if the boys love (Y/N), and so does Bruce, this is a win win situation.

So, Bruce finally mustered up the courage to ask the teacher out. Well, he was going to ask him to stay for dinner. That is the first step. Then he will advance with his plan further.

Bruce watched with a smile as Damian got the task correctly. He walked up to the duo. He heard (Y/N) praising Damian and it made his heart melt. He felt even more sure now. It felt so heartwarming, so sweet and honest.

" How is it going gentlemen? "

" Good. He is doing great. "

" Okay. How about you stay for dinner, it's late. "

(Y/N) was about to answer, when Jason walked in.

" How about you stay forever mister (L/N)? "

Bruce whipped his head to glare at Jason, but the boy was already gone.

" I would like to stay for dinner Bruce. " (Y/N) answered once Bruce turned around to what (Y/N) perceived as an apology.

" You don't have to feel pressured to stay. "

" I don't feel pressured, don't worry about it. "

" Okay. "

Bruce gave the man a small smile, feeling all fuzzy inside. Maybe (Y/N) is the one.

Quick question: Would you like an another oneshot with their dates and the boys simply loving (Y/N)? Just let me know in the comments. Sorry if this feels rushed, but I just wanted to finish this oneshot.

#bruce wayne x male reader #dc x male reader #dc comics #Damian x male reader #x male reader #batman x male reader

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autisticlancemcclain · 1 year

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fic rec friday 10

welcome the the tenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. A Rain-Check on Redamancy by @youraveragemushroom

Burnout these days usually came from working long nights at the Garrison. If Lance from five years ago could see himself today—working part-time to rebuild Earth and full-time as an instructor at the very same institution that gave him his crippling anxieties—he would probably shit a brick. Hell, five years ago he hadn’t even known aliens existed (although he always knew deep down that humans weren’t alone in the universe), and now he’s best friends with multiple! One of which had apparently texted him an hour ago.

Forgoing proper texting procedure due to fatigue and general doneness, Lance tapped on the icon to call back.

“Hello?” a familiar deep rasp answered from the other line.

“Hey, mullet,” Lance replied, pushing aside the papers in front of him to lay his head down on the desk. “What’s cooking?”

In which Lance finds himself ignoring how late it is and indulges himself in pining after Keith. Which becomes slightly more difficult when said object of his affections shows up in the middle of the night to rescue him from paperwork, stress, and the melancholy that came from being away from him.

the ‘god i wish you were here’ ‘look behind you’ trope will get to me EVERY single time idc. always makes me all stimmy bc its THE epitome of romance. this whole thing was so so romantic and full of parallels to the first episode to show how deep their relationship has gotten...i love me some romantic parallels fr

2. sweetheart by @jilliancares

“Sorry, babe,” Keith says. He even smiles, no doubt proud of himself.

And Lance knows it’s his fault. He started it, after all, but at least the biting term of endearment made sense when he was the one doing it. Keith had been talking to him like they were some old married couple. The kind who’ve been married too long and don’t love each other anymore and gripe over meaningless shit, only managing to piss each other off even further.

That’s why Lance called him dear. Because it made sense in the situation. It was a calculated insult. A strategic jab.

Keith, on the other hand, is weaponizing the term of endearment without any rhyme or reason, simply to get back at Lance.

Or: Keith and Lance have gotten into the habit of using pet names as condescending insults. They're not really terms of endearment.

ooooooo god endearments going from sarcastic to desperately genuine and the inherent hopelessness in that....whew boy. its def a Concept that u indulge and then you have to clutch ur stomach. i remember reading this as i was getting ready and brushing my teeth and the cliff scene made me gasp out loud and stop just to i could pay Full Complete Attention

3. don’t speak the language by @goldengalaxies

“More importantly” Lance says. “I am currently having a breakdown in this lift because look at him- I am so incredibly gay.”

“Lance!” Hunk buries his face in his hands. “He could speak English you know, your skills of deduction are really not that good.”

Lance ignores his warning in favour of groaning dramatically. “Oh, Dios mio, Hunk, he’s so gorgeous. Look at those muscles. He could probably bench press me.” Lance fanned himself. “Oh my God, fencing is my new favourite sport, fuck swimming.”

(or the one where Lance thirsts after a random guy in the lift who he thinks can’t speak English. lance is very wrong and hunk is very much done with his shit.)

let me tell u about this fuckin FIC. it’s hilarious, but i first read it before i meticulously started storing and bookmarking my fave fics, so when i wanted to reread it i couldnt find it. but i KNEW it was hilarious so i spent fckn hours looking for it, and it took me hours too bc i coulnt figure out which tags to filter. but it was WORTH IT. the entire concept of this fic is hilarious and makes me laugh. amazing work.

4. Whose bright idea was this? by IronScript

When Lance is captured during a mission with the MFE pilots, he wakes up aboard Haggar's ship, though the witch herself isn't there, so he figures why waste an opportunity? Then he finds something that he definitely hadn't expected.

All the while, he has no idea that back at the Garrison, his team and a few select others are watching his every move.

bro the idea that the team is panicked for lance’s safety and they desperately organise a rescue mission for him terrified that hes getting tortured and losing hope but by the time they find him he’s already got one foot out the door and has rescued himself is ENDLESSLY funny to me. like he really said ‘damsel in distress who’ and i love him for that lmao

5. Garfle! Warfle! Snick! by IronScript

How the game show episode actually should have happened.

I'll admit to being a Lance stan, but even people who don't like him seem to agree that he was really fucked over in this episode. So here's my attempt at it. Is it more realistic than what actually happened? I like to think so.

another ironscript fic bc they nail bamf lance. this is how the gameshow WOULD have gone if vld gave a shit about their characters like actually. like yes of course the team is proud of each other and capable of acknowledging mistakes. of course keith knows lance’s worth. of course lance is a badass. of course the team knows wtf theyre doing. love to read this when i get mad about the game show

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#have a lot of fics i Looked for today #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #bamf lance #team as family #klance #pining lance #soft klance #fic rec #fic rec friday #longpost

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centrally-unplanned · 4 months

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To recount a twitter story, Kenny Lauderdale posted this very normcore review of the English release of Gainax VN Princess Maker 2 from the May 1996 edition of the (Michigan) Times Herald:

It includes some great quotes, like Japanese professor Etsuko Yamashita believing its existence is a step back for feminism - very amusing given how gender-equal the player base for these games is today! Time marches past us all. Sometimes for the better - it cost $140 in Japan on release!?

But what I found interesting was the art featured - because that isn't Princess Maker 2?

This is PM2, that girl above is not our player-named protagonist.

Turns out that is art is from Princess Maker 3:

You can see specific scenes like the beach as well, in case you had any doubt. This is weird though because, well, Princess Maker 3 came out in January of 1997? More than half a year after this article was published! Which means they somehow had access to promotional material for Princess Maker 3? Which to be clear absolutely did exist at the time - in fact, Princess Maker 3 was bought up by Sony as a limited release for their brand-new console the Playstation. PM3 was actually featured on the cover of the first ever volume of the Dengeki Playstation magazine, released in January of 1995 (the PS1 coming out in December 1994):

Alas I haven't found a copy of this scanned online, so I can't say what it contained. This being two years before the game's release does honestly point to some development hell drama, the timeline for a game back then should not be that lengthy. Man, wonder what was happening at Gainax in 1995 that might have been a distraction...

Still, we have a question of how this American newspaper article got their hands on them. It also seems worthwhile to note that this article is syndicated - it was published in a dozen newspapers across the country around this time, but with different titles and photos to fit each paper's needs. And other papers do have correct Princess Maker 2 screenshots on them!

I have no grand answer here or anything, sorry guys, but I think we can infer it. The article itself actually mentions that a "third one" is now in the works, which is something they would have learned from the publisher of the English version, IntraCorp (they weren't reading Japanese press magazines in 1996!). IntraCorp likely wanted them to mention it because they themselves were going to hopefully license it, assuming the first (well, second) one was successful - this was their first foray into this specific licensing niche, previously making action games like Witchaven II: Blood Vengeance. In early 1996 they sent out copies & press kits to reviewers, and I am guessing that copy almost certainly included - perhaps poorly labeled - promotional material for Princess Maker 3 as well that Gainax had provided them, so they would mention it in the article and seed hype. The harried layout editor at The Times Herald opened the wrong folder and threw them on the page by mistake - after all the author didn't work for him, he worked for the Associated Press. He had no experience with the game to know his error.

We will never know because this is a niche curiosity from almost 30 years ago, sure, but we will also never know because the game being reviewed above...was never released! IntraCorp declared bankruptcy soon after the publication of this article. They were not the localizers themselves - a team of 4 people called SoftEgg were - but their contract with them was binding enough that it left the virtually-finished translated copy in perpetual legal limbo. Eventually it was leaked onto the internet as a form of abandonware a few years later. The hard-working men of America never got to be "Sim Dad" in 1996 unless they were intrepid enough to be UseNet Forum users hunting down and running Japanese-language romhacks.

Which is not a hypothetical, that was occurring. I will leave you all with the opening quote from the rec.arts.anime group's User Manual for navigating your Nihongo copy of Princess Maker 2, preserved still in the roms you can download today:

We all know of Gainax as being the wonderful company that brought us Wings of Honneamise, Otaku no Video as well as multitudes of garage kits and other paraphenelia. However with the release of Princess Maker 2, one might think that their true calling is in computer software! This band of self described otakus which managed to lose almost all their profits in the anime business have come back by releasing several computer games (some of which were on display at Anime Con).

...written, of course, in 1994 :)

#princess maker 2 #Ash Obscure Anime History Annals #gainax

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yaravella · 1 year

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More Than Anything pt. 1 - Gepard Landau

Gepard Landau x Reader // pt. 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Warning: angst, unrequited love, modern au

Synopsis: One day Serval brought you home and you have been a part of Gepard's life ever since. When he discovered he had feelings for you, it seemed it was too late.

Masterlist

[Greeting to everyone who read this. I've been really excited to write about Gepard lately, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing this. English is not my first language so don't hesitate to correct me if I made mistakes. Feel free to request or talk to me through the message, comment, or ask box!]

---

Gepard didn’t remember the first time he met you. Probably in his freshman year in high school, when Serval brought you home for the first time to hang out in her studio. He just remembered he saw you awfully a lot since then. Singing to Serval’s off-tune guitar melody, eating cereal while writing lyrics on the kitchen bar, saying “Hiiiii, Gepard” in a sing-song voice whenever you saw him.

Not gonna lie, he didn’t find you lingering around the house to be pleasant at first. If you’re over, the house would be blasting with deafening music that he didn’t get where the hell is the enjoyable part from them? And you sing almost everywhere, dear God. It’s not like you have a bad voice, but should you sing everywhere??? It didn’t help that if you saw him, your eyes lit up and you immediately danced, seemingly to tease him. So annoying.

Yet, that's how you become familiar. He didn’t mind you singing around the house anymore. Sometimes, he even joined, humming softly to your melody. He found himself hanging around the kitchen island every time you were there writing lyrics, giving you his thought and opinion about it. Sometimes he asks for a piece of paper from you, drawing you.

"Oh, Picasso~" you said teasingly, "The resemblance is uncanny."

He knew you were kidding, but it made him feel happy. If he doesn't feel like doing anything, he will be just admiring you while you’re writing. Art is creating a piece of art. How’s that possible?

You’re one thing that he wonders about whenever class finished. Are you going to be there when he comes home? Are you gonna sing along to your deafening music, that he comes to like too, and dance for him today? Are you gonna greet him with your bright eyes?

Sometimes he caught himself smiling at the thought of you. Does he have feelings for you? Maybe. You are beautiful, smart, and charming. And you treated him nicely. He thought it was only normal if he felt something toward you. But it’s nothing serious. Though he didn’t really know which category should he put you in. Crush? Well, he’s a guy. He also felt things to some girls at school, went on dates several times with them. Any relationship he had with them is short-lived though. Did he want to date you? But that might ruin this comfortable bubble he has with you, right? He didn’t want that. He wanted to be close to you, and he’s okay with whatever he had with you right now. And it has been years since you're around. He didn't want to risk anything.

If only he’s good with music, he’d follow you along to major in music. But he thought artistic traits only ran through Serval’s blood in the family, so he’s fine to enter the same university as you. This is a silly crush, nothing more, anyway. It would be nice to see you in the same class as him though. But seeing you greeting him in his house is enough. Dancing and singing to your silly music.

However, he rather wishes you didn’t come today.

When he arrived home, he was greeted by heavy metal music blaring in the room. A bunch of people lounged around the living room area, seemingly too busy talking or jamming to the music to notice him.

And you are there too, singing and bobbing your hair left and right to the music. Looking so beautiful as your hair goes wild swaying here and there following the rhythm. Looking so beautiful with a man draping his arm around your shoulder.

“Ah, you’re home already, Gepard?” he didn’t even realize that his sister was also there, sitting opposite you. Everyone’s eyes were immediately on him. Including you. He felt like a deer caught in the headlight. He didn’t even care about the other people that surround the table. His eyes immediately found yours, which lit up when they met.

“Hiii, Gepard~” Oh, aren’t you so cold? Calling him with that sing-song voice with a man around you.

He tries to ignore the tightened feeling around the pit of his stomach as much as he tries to ignore the gaze of the dark-haired man beside you. His eyes travel to your hand which rests on top of the guy’s thigh. Your boyfriend? Since when do you have a boyfriend?

Gepard just nodded his head as an answer to both his sister’s question and your greeting. He’s trying really hard to mask the upsetting feeling that rapidly built up inside his chest. Disappointment? Anger? Or this is jealousy, perhaps?

He doesn’t waste one more second to be there and immediately walks to his room. Hopefully, no one notices his weird behavior. Hopefully, you don’t notice it.

But slowly that day he noticed something. You are more than a silly crush he had just to fill his adolescence experience. You are more than a familiarity that greets him whenever he was home. You are more than the song he constantly hears. You are more.

Feeling defeated, he dropped his body to his bed. Now that he realizes you are more than everything he thought you are, it feels like it’s too late.

#hsr x y/n #honkai star rail #hsr x reader #hsr x you #gepard #gepard landau #gepard x reader #gepard honkai #gepard landau x reader #gepard landau x you

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sanchoyo · 14 days

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today is world donkey day apparently, so I was going to draw a lil doodle of mira with her donkey right. so I go 2 google it (have not googled her specific donkey type, the woolly páramo donkey, since I made her possibly, in like, ..2014?? usually I just type in baby donkey for refs, lmao)

and ive gone down a rabbit hole.

bear with me.

this is going to be a Long One.

there's almost NOTHING abt the 'woolly paramo donkey' on the internet. there's a blogsite from 2011 saying "Another endangered species of donkey is the Woolly Paramo Donkey. It can be found in high elevations of up to 3,000 m altitude and the permanent snow line of about 5,000 meters. It can be found in Colombia." which, I assume in 2014, when making Mira, I googled 'endangered donkeys' and this popped up. And I did not look further. until now.

if you google that passage, or anything related to páramo woollies, they just. don't seem to EXIST???! there's one page that copy and pastes the above paragraph word for word, but it was published in 2015, so. it also just scrubbed info from the aforementioned blog that seems to be run by a rando with no...sources or expertise at all....fabulous. okay. kept digging.

this page cites the pictured donkey as a woolly páramo donkey, except, that is in Ireland. not anywhere near páramo! (and sure, exporting animals is a Thing, but...the caption says its a subspecies of the paramo donkeys???!) (and, for the record, were going with the wiki's definition of paramo here: "A narrower term classifies the páramo according to its regional placement in the northern Andes of South America and adjacent southern Central America.") so we're looking for donkeys around there. more on that later.

but for now, The ENGLISH wikipedia page for Páramo (region) does not include ANYTHING about donkeys. which. if it was an endangered species, wouldn't it be notable?? however, the image the first blog uses...IS on wikipedia, and is cited. as being taken in 2007, possibly one of the earliest pics of said donkey type, and was in Chimborazo, Ecuador which iS IN THE PARAMO ECOSYSTEM OKAY WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. RIGHT. THERE'S DONKEYS THERE. I knew that from looking up travel iteraries around Columbia's paramo. what I need to know tho is...ARE THEY A SPECIFIC, ENDANGERED SPECIES/SUBSPECIES/ RARE BREED?! ANYTHING???

The guy who's credited with the photo...unless its a case of the same name (which would be a hell of a coincidence, in this case) has scientific papers out about the paramo region! but...I have to request access to them, and most of them are in spanish, and who knows if they mention donkeys at all or the guy just put pics of them on wikipedia to be nice. like, I know donkeys do live there, but it doesn't seem to be a specific species, more like this is 'a woolly donkey of the paramo region' from the translation of the title of the photo. woolly donkeys can be anywhere!

WELL. the wikipedia photo is used on the ITALIAN WIKIPEDIA PAGE FOR PARAMO. and it lacks info which makes me scream. just calling it a 'woolly paramo donkey' and not elaborating is EVIL is it a reg donkey or NOT

looking into woolly donkeys alone, which I KNOW are a thing, this page cites the miniature woolly variation as rare, saying there are only 400-ish in the US. cool, that's a rare breed, if true. different from being an endangered species, though!!! totally different thing!!! and that linked page is from a breeder with no cited sources, and their last news update was...2019.

the smithsonian estimates miniature donkeys in general to at 10,000-20,000, so 400 of those being woolly seems to be..lowballing the amount of woollies? possibly? seems very low...esp for something with high cuteness appeal that would be a hit at fairs, competitions, or petting zoos. but if true thats at least...a rare breed... which is something...

(there are Poitou donkeys, if nothing else, which are confirmed to be a Thing, woolly, and endangered. quite frankly if I was going to change her to any other donkey, this would be it. its not on the red data list, but it is on the FAO endangered list, which is like. close enough yk?)

back to the paramo donkeys specifically. in my desperation, I asked bing's AI to scrub the web for ANYTHING about them. not that AI is always right, but it is Fast. it said "There is no scientific record of a species known as the “Woolly Paramo Donkey” living in high altitudes or near permanent snow." which...yeah. starting to Doubt it's existence. by this point.

just when I thought 'this thang isn't real, oh god I might have to pick a new donkey for Mira.....' I Found it somewhere unexpected.

a blog post about farmville 2. yeah the old facebook game! why is it here???! the game came out in 2012, so it had to be pulling the name from an earlier source, and was not where the blogs were getting their info (and thank god for that) but...even looking into reputable sources for THAT is hard to find??! its not on the farmville 2 wiki (LMAO) there's other species of donkey on the game, but none matching these low res pics that pop up on random cheatcode blogs when I look for possible sources?

both of these images/img descriptions call it the woolly paramo donkey. and seem to be reasonably well rendered, and can be found across a few other farmville 2 blogs/guides... (the first img being a baby, the scond being adult vers) I can't really imagine boomers who play farmville going to the effort to photoshop fake upgrades in 2012 for farmville 2... but its not on the fan wiki, which usually cite their sources. I am not playing farmville 2 to investigate this further, but its WEIRD!!! esp since farmville does have woolly donkeys, and the above are NOT just colorovers of them! where...where was farmville drawing the "woolly paramo donkey" name from.

anyway, enough about farmville it really isnt THAT important but it blows my mind the name woolly paramo donkey slipped into there somehow. how. who. & its supposedly in a game called 'island paradise' but I couldn't find pictures of it. but its got its own wiki fan page as well...??

so, anyway, back to the actual research, here's a map of where the paramo ecosystem is. and a map from 2018 on a reputable government website regarding donkey populations. (most recent study I could find, unfortunately!) there could very well be an endangered or at least rare subspecies/breed of donkey around there! (by the way, there ARE woolly MONKEYS around the area. surely no one with dyslexia like me read monkeys as donkeys and ran with it right. RIGHT.)

but...there's not one listed under the red data list's website under the name paramo or even any woollies. tbf, the red data website is moreso for wild animals, rather than rare domestic breeds). so I thought hm. okay. time to try something else. I checked for endangered south american donkeys in general. narrowed it down by possible countries. I checked every search engine I have bookmarked, including one that searches for scientific articles/books exclusively. I checked the dang wikipedia list of donkeys. (which, by the way? severely lacking info in general)

NOTHING. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE WOOLLY PARAMO DONKEY BREED, EXCEPT CITED ON THOSE RANDOM BLOGS, AND THAT SINGLE WIKIPEDIA PHOTO. unless...the region it would be in would be spanish-speaking.... there MIGHT be websites on it that I can't even read or find because I'm not using the right terms...OOF. I tried a few words for donkey (burro, burra, burrico,) paired with paramo, and I just kept getting a book result. Pedro Páramo by Juan Rulfo. not related at all, sadly, just includes a donkey in the story and the word paramo in the title.

I guess u could say the woolly paramo donkey was just a mirage? :) (loud booing)

anyway, all of this to say, the breed is most likely not real, or if they are, not documented online. from what I can tell, it seems to just be that woolly donkeys in general are rare, and while they do live in that area, are not proper endangered animals/species if we want to get hung up on semantics. but I'm not changing it for the comic. having her be a (possibly) fake donkey breed is objectively kind of funny, and it was already mentioned in chapter 1!

unless shirogane has decoy DNAs in the event of a break in and that was one of them. oops, all placebo. her mew power comes from, like, the power of belief or whatever. joke joke joke this is not lore its a joke

whatever. I had fun digging for a while! happy world donkey day. petition for a donkey emoji btw ^_^

#this is insane btw i was old enough in 2014 to KNOW HOW TO RESEARCH THINGS I THINK. wait i was 17 whadda hell maybe not actually #my job now includes actually fact checking things so i am good at it now bc ive had literal training for it but this is obvi for fun #<- said thru grit teeth and bloodshot eyes #sanchoyorambles #tm2 #......kind of #that donkey drawing isnt going to get done. i spent the morning on this. JKHSFKJSHKJ i am going to prioritize doing my daily may drawing #TwT imagine....a donkey drawing #if i actually have time after work.....i can try 2 squeeze it in....

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iamthepulta · 1 year

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There's a photo making the rounds on Reddit from r/abandonedporn of the Rosia Poieni Copper Mine, Geamana, Romania.

I wondered if this was a tailings dam and wanted to combat the copious misinformation in the reddit comments, so I did a little digging!

The Rosia Poieni mine in Romania is owned by the Romanian Government, operated by CupruMin S.A., started by the communist party in 1978 and ongoing today. It's a Copper open pit mine producing copper concentrate, using the flotation method, which is generally environmentally neutral and causes minimal damage; which makes this pond... unusual. I also realized the poster didn't know what he was talking about because he kept saying cyanide leaching. This is neither a leach heap, nor cyanide-prominent because sulfuric acid is the most common byproduct of copper mining, not cyanide (used for gold mining).

I initially searched for acid mine drainage from the Rosia Poieni pit and got a very helpful study from 2002 on Acid Mine Drainage into the Muscanilor brook that drains the mine site, passes their ore dump, and drains into a river further downstream. The paper details the type of minerals and alteration present at the mine (extremely helpful), and mentions that there's little to no carbonates present in the deposit, which makes it hard to neutralize the acid the mine generates.

However, this is to the south of the mine, and when I started looking at Google Maps, the laz decantare Valea Sesii is to the north. They don't process their copper concentrate onsite in their own smelter, so there was still minimal explanation for why there was so much acid in the pond. (Or what the pond was since "laz decantare" translates to decant pond in English, which is just a basin for solids to settle out.)

Searching for the smelter that processes their copper, I found the Zlatna Smelter from a USGS log. This says it's north of the mine, but Zlatna is actually south; I searched for a smelter north of the mine but couldn't find one, and in Zlatna you can see the smelter stack from the road; so I'm pretty sure this is just a typo. [Also, 45% recovery is insanely low. Even for 1992!]

So! Since the smelter (which would produce sulfuric acid) is out of the picture, we're back to wondering why this pond is so toxic.

I started doing searches on decant ponds, to see if there was a reason it was called a decant pond, and turned up a Romanian webpage from 2013 protesting the potential Rosia Montana mine. While a bit cumbersome, the pictures and write-up were the most insightful on what the hell is going on in Valea Sesii.

Link to the Blog

The Valea Sesii, via a mine contact, is an open valley tailings pond. This is Insanity #1. Tailings ponds can be acidic and it's what I thought the lake was in the first place. You usually line them, or place them on an impermeable rock/clay layer so acid doesn't leak into the water table. This valley could be on an impermeable rock layer; I don't have enough information; but it's very clear it's unlined. You also usually keep your ore and waste heaps near each other and on or close to the pond so all the acid drainage is in one spot. Their ore heap, according to the first paper, is all the way on the other side of the mine, so you have two points of drainage, and one just flows down the slope.

Insanity #2.

THEY STEPPED ON THE TAILINGS BEACH. THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA. I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH HOW BAD AN IDEA THIS IS. THE FACT THEY WERE ABLE TO WALK AROUND A TAILINGS DAM OF THIS PH WITH NO SUPERVISION IS MENTAL. IT'S SO INSANE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. SULFIDES AND ACID DRAINAGE OFTEN CREATE A FOAM CRUST THAT LOOKS SOLID BUT IS INCREDIBLY UNSTABLE AND DECEPTIVE. THIS SAND IS ALSO <75um AND ACTS AS QUICKSAND. DO NOT WALK ON IT.

The author writes, "The tailings continue to be discharged consistently and the level of the pond rises every year. That's why the people from Cupru Min raise the dam year after year." (I still have to research Cupru Min.) But yes, this is how tailings dams work. Usually they're properly sequestered, lined, and don't eat up towns, but as tailings are deposited, they pump the largest sand grains onto a dike a few hundred feet thick and continuously deposit sand into the impoundment/valley, and the dike, keeping the water away from the dike walls. You can see this here, in the upper right corner:

Here we encounter Insanity #3 on the blog:

I cannot emphasize enough how insane this is. I'm sure they wanted to make a better way and couldn't because tailings are so unstable you can't make a path out to the deposition point, but someone has to walk out there and move these pipes, and turn them on and off manually. This picture makes me want to scream about safety. Also, let me just point out that water HAS to be a pH of <2 from the color. If someone falls in, you will be very, very badly burned. Begging whoever has to manage these pumps to be safe.

HOWEVER. None of this answered WHY the dam is so acidic if it's only used as a tailings pond, until the author reminded me, "the tailings mess is discharged through a system of pipes that ... allow the discharge to be directed to various areas on the contour of the pond."

This is also fairly normal; most mines have three to four basins they rotate deposition in, allowing them to dry out so they can compact the sand. But looking at the areas of deposition on the Valea Sesii, and putting the time into context, things make a lot more sense. Obviously this is only pieced together with my experience, pictures, and google maps, but it seems very likely.

The Rosia Poleni mine creates an incredible amount of acid due to its mineralogy and rock composition, and the rocks around it aren't able to neutralize the acid. In the 1970s, nobody cared about this, especially the USSR, and said Build It Anyway. So they simply allowed the acid to run into the valley. This is Insanity #4.

I'm sure it was either planned, or quickly realized that the acid would take over the valley, so the mine planned a dam to the northwest, and used it to contain deposition.

The tailings are from the concentrator. Concentrator tailings are usually low in sulfide content, because all the sulfides have copper and other metals, and get floated away. For example, another tailings pond I know of, with the same process as the Rosia Poieni mine, has a pH of ~6-7. (Water has a pH of 7.0.)

But their concentrator is about a mile away! They have to pump/direct their tailings sand a mile away to the pond! This, in its own way, is a minor insanity, just for the logistics. I think having your tailings pond >1mi is normal though.

And FINALLY, almost everything made sense. I would put five dollars on the acid shown in other areas of the pond being acid mine drainage pumped directly from low areas in the mine into the tailings pond. Better it go in the tailings pond than the river.

So that is the most likely operational history of the Rosia Poieni! If you're going to be angry at anyone, this mine is STATE OWNED. The Romanian government is IN CHARGE OF THIS MINE, although they do not operate it, THEY FUNDAMENTALLY PROFIT OFF OF IT. They are also allowed to MAKE THE ENVIRONMENTAL RULES. This is the downside of having state-run facilities. The government is now fundamentally a corporation and WILL NOT reign themselves in.

Now go, be free! And remember that cyanide is not used or a byproduct from copper mining, it's from gold mining.

-=-

USGS - The Diggings ResearchGate - AMD from the Rosia Poieni Additional Paper of Geology and Mineralogy The dark side of Rosia Poieni Satellite image of Valea Sesii (better than Google Maps) Post against Rosia Montana, Emilian, 2013 Post about Valea Sesii Pond, Emilian, 2012 Original Reddit Post CupruMin .ro

#geology #mining #romania #copper mining #info post #I got so enraged by the reddit comments I decided to do the research lol.

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loki-the-mad · 8 months

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I’ve just realized that I can post this here, so here, have the list of quotes my history teach has said in the past two months

1. You don’t have to know them, you just have to know Christianity can’t agree on what Christianity is. (About christian denominations)

2. They’re all trying to kill each other *dramatic sigh* (About Christian denominations fighting each other in Germany)

3. I don’t know if you know anything about mercury. It’s serious dain bramage. (About Spanish forcing natives to mine for silver using mercury)

4. Me: a revolt paints the revolutionaries as bad guys and a rebellion paints the revolutionaries as good guys?

Him: Ooh I like that. You’re wrong, but I like the way you’re looking at that. You’re using context

5. Iran was fighting Iraq. Oh sorry, you’re from South Carolina. *thick southern accent* Eye-ran was fighting eye-rack. (Talking about how America would rather arm other forces than join the fight itself)

6. Him: What’s the difference between peasants and peons and serfs and indentured servants and slaves?

Me: Nothing!

Him: Great, moving on!

7. Trump drained the swamp! But he didn’t drain the marshland! (About how all the first english colonies were at estuaries and they sucked)

8. These are the wetlands. I like that, it sounds like they have a bladder problem.

9. Him: What’d you do in the congaree swamp?

My classmate: I stole a pig!

10. Better to die here with freedom on your lips than in England with *voice goes quiet* …freedom? (Talking about how everyone sent to America was basically sent to die)

11. Alright toodles *hangs up phone*

12. Where’s my keys? Oh yeah, I had to freshen up the ROACH (After having to unlock his cabinet to get the Lysol to try to spray a roach in the corner of the room)

13. You all sound like a chorus. They died. (After the whole class said ‘they died’ at the same time)

14. In the great. Swamp. Fight.

15. What’s the source of all knowledge? That’s right, the bibble. (Explaining why the period for indentured servitude was 7 years)

16. It’s B.S! Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Bullshit. (About the government)

17. Why the hell would they be called the 49ers? Sorry, why the heck. I hate when I cuss in class. Shit. (Talking about the gold rush of 1849)

18. What happens when you add fire to a fire? Sorry, that was stupid. (Talking about the myth of the Yankees lighting everything on fire as they went)

19. They didn’t love her, they just wanted to make more farmers. She was a ~vessel~ (Talking about bartered brides running to Philadelphia)

20. Cause everyone was just making……..stuff up. *Quieter* Cause you can’t say shit in class.

21. Can you tell I’ve had three hours of sleep?

22. Who put men in charge? Hm, let me think. I know! Men. (Talking about Enlightenment and the pushback against the patriarchy)

23. That was their motivation! Freedom! (Giggles)(Covers his mouth with paper) Sorry. (Talking about people taking land from the natives/the revolutionary war)

24. You can’t start a country with 40,000 people, people. You gotta have more people, people. (Talking about how underpopulated America was until the 1750s)

25. The scots—Oh. The scots! (Remembering the scots were, in fact, in America)(And definitely didn’t want to be)

26. Him: Native Americans, this is your land. British colonists, this is your land. Stay out of each other’s way!

Me: That’ll work

Him: Shhhhhhh

(Talking about the Proclamation Treaty)

27. Lowering the duty. Hehe. I get to say doodie in class (Talking about the various import taxes that ‘started’ the American Revolution)

28. TARIFFS! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Explaining economics, in a history class)

29. Most terrorists don’t go around saying “hello, I’m Fred, I’ll be your terrorists today.” Usually they do it by surprise, which isn’t very nice. (Talking about what classified the American revolutionaries as “terrorists”)

30. Is there anything you don’t know?!?!? (Throws a paper towel at me)

31. Me: walks into class

Him: *mock salutes* colonel

32. Tommy Paine! Tommy Paine was a teacher so, y’know, he had no job (About Thomas Paine writing Common Sense

33. So the guy who promised to give them fur? You ready for this? He deferred. (About Ben Franklin promising to give the French the fur trade back if they supported the Americans)

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clatterbane · 11 months

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10 Songs On Repeat

Tagged by @fivekoboldsinacoat. Put the Spotify "on repeat" playlist on shuffle and share the first ten results, then tag ten people. (Or, I guess, if you don't use Spotify, share your top ten songs you listen to on repeat.)

Also, following his lead in linking to YouTube for accessibility. I preferentially went with live performances where possible, unless the sound quality sucked too bad by my own totally subjective standards. Just didn't have the spoons for more translation work today, but I also included a few lyric snippets where I could because why not.

The "On Repeat" can be pretty dangerous, dealing with somebody who is as prone to going off on neurospicy kicks as I am. Instead of, say, a couple of weeks of nonstop Delta blues, '80s synth, or Latin American metal? This time, we've apparently got wall-to-wall Swedish punk-adjacent stuff. (Which is more likely than most other genres here to not be English language. Handier for me learning Swedish than for most of y'all!) It's also mostly from newer bands.

Heavily featuring both Bäddat För Trubbel, who spent the 2010s (roughly) paving the way for trouble here in Malmö--and Trubbel, who evidently already found it in Gothenburg!

Mascara Snakes - "Vakternas Skräck" (live) - ("The Terror Of The Guards")

Bäddat För Trubbel - "Bäddat För"

Svart Katt - "Våld Mot Tjänsteman" ("Assault Against Officer")

Trubbel - "Tro På Mig" ("Believe In Me")

Viagra Boys - "Down In The Basement" (live). (Out of Stockholm, but their singer grew up in the Bay Area. I am still mad I missed seeing them across the bridge in Copenhagen a few months ago.) How're you going to explain your sex life to your wife?

Bäddat För Trubbel- "Bättre Män Än Mig" ("Better Men Than Me")

Viagra Boys - "Worms" (live) - (From an awesome session.) Also, one rather bizarre Korean horror movie (?) fan video I just ran across.

Hjelle - "Arbetsförmedlingen Ringde" (live) ("The Employment Agency Called")- (Yeah, same guy from Bäddat För Trubbel. I've been enjoying his voice and sense of timing, OK? 😅)

Svart Katt - "Bara En Spegel" ("Only A Mirror")

Trubbel - "Gbg City" (This live video is quite the extravaganza of pasty jorts-clad flesh, from last summer. In best Gothenburg style, evidently.) - Better audio studio version.

Continuing on to Spotify's "Repeat Rewind", for some wider representation over the medium term lately. Still pretty heavy on the punk-adjacent stuff, but I guess that's where my head has been.

1. Gnome - "Ambrosius" (These guys out of Antwerp are pretty awesome in general, for what I guess you'd file under stoner/doom metal with a sense of humor--where you can actually hear the bass in the mix. There's no real choreography in this particular lvideo, which is a shame.)

You can eat from the ground

2. Refused - "Summerholidays Vs. Punkroutine" (live) - (Also a Swedish band, btw. In a good 2012 performance.)

And I'm still certain that what motivates me is more rewarding

Than any piece of paper could be...

Rather be forgotten than remembered for giving in

3. Suicidal Tendencies - "Till My Last Breath" (Yeah, really feeling it today.)

But I'll never let all this emptiness win

Until my last breath I'll be a fighting man Not just with my fist, but my mind and I got a plan...

Until my last breath, I ain't nobody's bitch Until my last breath, I'll keep pissin' on the rich Until my last breath, I'm gonna do it, I ain't gonna just try Until my last breath, I'm gonna hold my head up high...

I'm never letting go Until my last breath, the whole world's gonna know Until my last breath, I'll be keeping a score Until my last breath, I'll be fighting for more

4. Ramones - "Mental Hell" (Not their best album, but I still have a weak spot for it.)

I'm not feeling very well

5. Viagra Boys - "Milk Farm"

They say that you can get delirious from layin' off the sauce

But I don't know nothin' 'bout that

'Cause I ain't ever laid off

6. Alien Nosejob - "Television Sets" (live) - (And I finally just thought what one part of this reminds me of. Major flashing lights warning on that video.)

I don't need no cigarettes

I don't need no booze

I don't need the TV set

I don't need the news

7. Riddarna - "Vi Kommer Att Dö" (Keepin' the titles cheery over here: "We're Going To Die". But, better make the most of it!)

8. Dwight Yoakam - "Purple Rain" (live) - (Impressive tribute, when I already respected Dwight quite a bit. Studio version.)

9. Motörhead - "Tear Ya Down - B-Side - 'Louie, Louie'"

Gonna show you what I'm all about

I'm gonna shoot you down tonight

I don't really wanna freak you out

10. Orkan - "Rik Rikar Rikast" (live) - ("Rich Richer Richest" - Studio version with significantly better sound quality.)

To translate the chorus:

Have you forgotten what equality means?

Have you forgotten what solidarity means?

Have you forgotten what generosity means?

Have you forgotten what honesty means

I always feel awkward tagging people for this sort of thing. But, I will have a go this time: @soilrockslove @adrawatcher @theonewhopoops @floorbananamotherfucker @reddragdiva @kelpforestdwellers @queerdo-mcjewface @birdblogwhichisforbirds @supernini235 @ailurinae @katisconfused @ajax-daughter-of-telamon @soilrockslove @medleymisty

#tagged #music #nerdery #seriously my taste is all over the map #gen x music hour #half sloshed edition

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naneun-no · 1 year

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What is your favorite jikook moment/bts song?😄

You saw my whiny little post from last night, eh? Lol. I was in a bit of a mood for a moment but thank you for indulging me ☺️🤣

But clearly I was talking out of my ass, huh, cause now I have to pick one favorite?! ONE?! Painted myself into a bratty little corner there, didn’t I.

Song: I am an indecisive person & I also tend to cycle through songs and have different faves at different times (like everyone probably) but one of my ultimate all time faves is We are Bulletproof: the Eternal. I’m a sap at heart, so that one can straight up make me emotional if I hear it at the right time. The guys have such clear emotion ringing in their voices, it feels so pure and raw and like it’s something they sing from the bottom of their hearts. It’s just a very epic feeling song, too, and musically gorgeous. I have so many other faves but I’ll say that one today 😁 lol

Fave Jikook moment?!? Seriously what was I thinking acting like I could pick one?! Feels like every time I see another moment or rewatch an old one, I see it from a different angle, pull something else out of it.

One that I find very tender that I think is a bit underrated is that 2019 fansign where JK ranked Jimin as first in looks.

Let me preface this: I detest those looks ranking questions. I get it, it’s showbiz, and maybe a bit of a cultural diff too, but it just grosses me out. Takes me back to junior high when the boys in my grade passed around a piece of paper with all of the girls in our grade ranked by looks 🤢 so, yeah, not praising the scenario here, BUT:

1. JK handled this so cutely

2. JM’s reactions and whole demeanor was everything.

You can watch the whole thing translated to English here (it has a JK focus in the bottom left), all the guys have adorable chemistry in this one and it’s a fun one to watch. The looks ranking starts at 3:40.

youtube

And when I tell you my man Jimin goes through a JOURNEY during this question. It’s kinda sad— getting ranked last previously, especially by JK, was probably hard on him (would have been hard on anyone, it’s just a fucking uncomfortable situation ugh) — and you can kind of see this moment where he hears that they’re doing a looks ranking, and that JK is doing it, and he kind of pretends to ignore it? Meanwhile everyone but Tae the ethereal blue-haired beauty who is shuffling through questions is watching JK.

Focusing on Jungkook for a sec — he prefaces the whole thing with this adorable caveat that this is HIS ranking according to HIS taste. Okay, we hear you. Continue.

They shuffle around while he says this, get situated and Jimin looks over, so clearly he’s aware of what’s going on after all.

But while JK works the crowd and builds up to saying who’s in first place, Jimin looks back down to read the same question he’s read like 6 times now. Cause he definitely for sure isn’t paying attention (again it’s actually fucking sad and I wanna hug him but luckily he has ppl in his life for that lmao). But boy does he read the heck out of that little slip of paper.

And then, surprising literally no one BUT Jimin, JK says first place goes to the one who USED to be ranked last, Jimin-ssi, cause he can’t not call him that.

And Jimin’s face. Y’all. He lights up. His shoulders lose this tension, he looks genuinely surprised and delighted and it’s fucking adorable. I think this meant something to him beyond on-stage antics of a fansign, I really do. And maybe I’m reading into it, but I think it felt good to Jimin for JK to do that, for whatever reason that may be.

AND THEN

yeah you thought I was done I’m not

AND THEN, Jungkook decides to screw the rest of the rankings and skip to the last place, which he was gonna name himself, but Joon cuts in and says just name second place because that man is an excellent leader and diplomatic as hell, and JK goes “okay I’m last” and names Joon second place in a cute little interaction (just go watch it). But what I find so telling about that is that JK basically threw the rest of the question. He didn’t want it, probably partly because looks ranking is cringey but also because I think he really just wanted to right the wrong of ranking Jimin last, put him at the TOP of the list according to HIS taste, for the record, and then be done with that shit. And I feel him.

Whew. If you got to the end of this thanks, I’m long-winded. Thanks for taking the time to ask and if you feel like coming off anon, I’d love to hear your faves in a reply 💜

#jikook #kookmin #favorite Jikook moments #favorite kookmin moments #favorite bts song

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chenqing9 · 1 year

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Another essay. Subject: Queerness in Yiddish Writing.

I just read a story by Isaac Bashevis Singer (1902-1991, Warsaw-New York City) with a Gay/Trans character. Singer is well-known for writing Yentl (1983) one of the most classic Jewish gender-bending tales, and has always been a wild card in many ways. But something about this undeniably queer story hits different and nothing in the world could make me feel better as a person who awkwardly bridges those worlds.

The story (called ‘Disguised’ in English) is a little questionable by today’s standards and what’s been written about it has not always been gentle. From a modern secular perspective it may be hard to understand the ways in which it’s radical. Some people have felt that it’s meant to be funny and is even homophobic. But I really, really don’t think so. Hear me out. If you want.

Singer was very aware of variations from gender and sexual norms within the societies he moved through. He lived much of his life in New York City but sets this story in a shtetl like the one he grew up in, where the characters follow a religious/cultural code and have very limited options outside of that (again, this is similar to Yentl.) After the main character (Temerl’s) husband Pinchosl vanishes without a trace, she goes in search of him either to determine what happened (if he died) or to ask for a divorce (yes, only the husband can grant a divorce, sigh…) When she does find Pinchosl, (he) has become the wife of a man in another town, (his) lover from the yeshiva (religious school.)

Here’s naturally where it gets interesting. Singer never changes Pinchosl’s pronouns, despite the fact that (he) lives full-time as a woman. I wonder if this were written now whether that would change and honestly I think it would which is why Pinchosl’s pronouns are female from here on entirely based on my opinion. To be honest, as Pinchosl couldn’t live as an openly gay man in this society, this may have been the only alternative for the two lovers. So here I go making assumptions on the work of a dead author. (I’m sorry Isaac if I misgender your character when you aren’t here to let us know your intentions.)

The author’s sympathetic treatment of the character is what gets me. Pinchosl admits to 1) Being in love with Elkonah since before their marriage but being unable to tell anyone, 2) Removing (herself) and Elkonah from their community based on Talmudic law, 3) Knowing that (she) risks both excommunication and death for living this lifestyle in this time and place, and finally 4) Believing that (she) and Elkonah are bound for Gehenna (the concept of Hell popularized in Eastern European Judaism. This really sucks to read honestly but becomes important I think- especially to readers in the communities he is writing to.)

I kind of live for Temerl and Pinchosl having tea:

“This was no longer the modest, bashful Pinchosl she remembered… (she) even joked and smiled - something (she) had never done in former times.” I mean…?

“They were sitting and drinking like two sisters.” …??! Love this?

Temerl gets the divorce papers and swears to Pinchosl never to tell the truth during her lifetime. It’s only on her deathbed that she can tell it, which is supposedly how we as the readers know the tale. And just as we’re thinking the story is over Singer does what he does best- throws us a line. Temerl is dying, and she opens her eyes, smiles, and says, “Perhaps I will meet this madman once again in Gehenna.” And I’m going to be 100%, that tore my heart out because what does she mean?? That… could be so many things. Acknowledgement of her own deviations? Solidarity? Or just irony?

All I know is I think about it now all the time.

All. The time.

#isaac bashevis singer #yiddish literature #queer fiction

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stressedemoblackbratz · 3 years

Text

break it off

pairing: billy loomis x reader

request: can you do a billy loomis x reader where they get into a fight?

warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating, and death.

a/n: there was no specific for the fight listed so this is what I came up with. I hope you all enjoy!

words: 1,724 + not proofread

part 2

one day I just wanna hear you say “I like you.”. what’s stopping you?

the school day started early and that was enough reason for you to be upset. also with the increased killings you were on edge. walking to your locker you went and got all the items needed for your first four classes.

“well aren’t you dressed up?” Sidney said as she slid by you, Tatum, Randy, and Stu in tow.

your makeup was done, you had finally got your nails redone after Stu made you mess the color up, then the dark brown halter dress with a black cardigan and canvas platform shoes combo. there was even a slight curl to your hair. you weren’t one to just look horrible everyday however you just looked extremely good today.

“well we don’t have a long day today. Himbry called everyone with jobs early this morning saying school was going to be over early today so we could clock in early. I’m dressed up so me and Randy here can sell some movies.” you explained tugging at the sleeve of your slightly thin cardigan.

“yeah. who’s gonna resist a hot chick telling them about the greatness of horror movie soundtracks?” Randy asked raising his brows and obnoxiously smacking on gum.

“hell! I know I wouldn’t!” Stu laughed while sticking his tongue out. Tatum quickly turned to him and smacked him in the chest. “whatttt? I was only joking…or was I?” and with that the two began bickering. Sid, Randy, and you then started talking about the weekly gossip.

past Sidney’s head and then the two mops of blonde, that were Tatum and Stu, you could see Billy walking through students. his gaze set on you.

you excused yourself and headed off to class early in an attempt to ignore him.

you felt his hand tug on the bottom of your dress as you walked past. rage slowly started to build in your chest as you passed students to head to English. eventually thoughts of last night came into your mind as you got situated in your class.

you had been in the middle of doing your math homework as Zero by The Smashing Pumpkins started playing on your radio. you heard a knock at your window, whipping around to see Billy standing there. you rolled out of bed and went to let him in before heading back to your spot between papers, a calculator, a half eaten snickers and some pencils.

Billy crawled in beside you trying to carefully miss the papers spread out every which way. you all sat in silence before the Billy spoke up in the middle of the song.

“I have to tell you something and I already know you don’t want to hear it, but“ he started before sighing and playing with the hem of your night shorts. “I can’t leave Sidney right now.” and just like that you finished the last problem on your paper before quickly picking up all the stray ones on the bed.

you laughed before giving a response. “you think I didn’t know that? Billy let’s be honest, you weren’t going to leave her to begin with.” you said turning to him finally. him saying it to your face felt like getting germ x in an open wound. “that was never your plan.”

“come on y/n.” he groaned staring at you. “her dads missing and the police think I tried to kill her. her moms death anniversary is coming up this week too. I can’t just leave her right now.”

“you can never do anything Billy.” his eyes widened at that. “you can only flirt with me, touch me, lead me on, but you can’t be with me. you just wanted somebody who was always available and my dumbass thought it was something more like love. I should’ve known that it wasn’t.”

Billy looked furious when those words came out of your mouth.

you started stuffing the papers into a binder before stuffing that in your backpack. when you went to grab your calculator Billy grabbed at your wrist. turning your eyes to look at him you could tell he was angry.

“don’t you ever say that shit to me again.” the glare in his eye was something dangerous. “i’m in love with you y/n. I get it, it was fucked up doing this with you while in a relationship, but it happened. we’re in this now and i. want. you.” he said shaking your arm at each accentuated word.

you felt like he was telling the truth. you really did. you couldn’t accept that though. not when you were always put in a bad predicament so he could live a double life.

“Billy I’m tired.” you simply told him.

“you’re tired of this or you want to go to bed?” he asked raising a brow. moving his hand from your wrist to now hold your hand.

his touch didn’t give the same spark. it kind of made you feel sick. anxious even.

“both.” you whispered before pulling your hand away and crawling under the covers. you laid down in silence. after who knows how many minutes you felt some of the weight leave your bed. Billy lent over and kissed your forehead then you heard him go out of the window.

finally, a breath you didn’t know you were holding was shakily released and you started crying into your pillow.

the whole situation was fucked up.

after surviving all 4 classes you started leaving to go to lunch. on the way though you saw Sidney run out of the bathroom hysterically crying and heading straight into Billy’s chest. it was like she was drawn to him. she just knew where to find him for quick comfort.

that sealed it for you. Sid needed Billy way more than you did. sure she was still skeptical about him, but you knew deep down she knew it wasn’t him that tried to kill her that night.

Billy’s eyes pulled from her and over to you watching them from afar. giving a tight lipped smile you felt someone place a hand in your shoulder. turning you noticed it was Randy.

“hey can we skip lunch? you think us going in right now means we’ll get a few extra dollars?” Randy asked looking down at you. the idea wasn’t bad at all. you needed to get away from your best friend and her boyfriend.

“yeah come on.” you said dragging him to your car. Stu somewhere behind you both yelling about a party and Tatum saying something to Sidney.

you just wanted to be as far away as possible.

you could feel a shift in the video store the second you saw blonde hair and a patterned shirt along with brown hair and a white tee.

you were in the middle of telling a costumer about how you all had finally been able to get ahold of the Candyman, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Halloween movies that had came out the year before.

“no seriously. why isn’t he dead yet?” the costumer asked leaving you both in a fit of giggles.

you caught the sight of Billy and Stu shoving Randy behind their head though. you finished ringing them up, looking behind them ever now and again to see what was going on.

the boys eventually left and so did your costumer.

“come back soon!” you said to them with a wave. your fake smile leaving before turning to Randy who was quickly approaching.

“what did they want?” you asked him. his clothes were disheveled and he looked a bit red in the face.

“there’s a party tonight at Stu’s. you gotta come or it’s my ass y/n.” he said staring into your eyes trying to get his point across.

“Randy I really don’t want to go. there’s a serial killer on the loose and I rather just be at home with my family.” you tried to reason with him.

“listen, I get that. I truly do, but whatever the fuck they want with you needs to be dealt with. they just scared the shit out of me. plus, with all those people there the serial killer would have a hard time getting to anybody. everyone’s gonna be together. please just go.” he said. he genuinely looked scared.

if Billy wanted to talk to you he could’ve. there was no reason for him and Stu to bring Randy into it.

this whole thing was starting to piss you off now.

Billy and Stu had both decided on keeping Randy and Sidney alive once they saw you enter the party a bit late. they genuinely thought you weren’t going to come, even after they both had harassed Randy into getting you to. Tatum however was a lost cause since she was caught up in the garage at the moment, but you weren’t involved in anyway and they really didn’t want you dead.

however as soon as Billy was finally able to get close enough to you there was a fight.

Stu watched it all unfold as he leaned against a wall nearby, engaging in a conversation with a few randoms from school.

“we’re over Billy.” you said walking straight towards him.

what? this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. he brought you here to tell you it was going to be over sooner then he thought and it would be just you and him.

“baby please.” Billy pleaded with you. you shook your head at the mention of his pet name. he couldn’t lose you like this. everything was a falling into place now.

“don’t call me that.” he reached towards you as you shook your head. “bab-“ he started again before you cut him off.

pushing his hand down and backing up you repeated your words. “Billy, I am begging you, please don’t call me that.” you said looking up at him.

“it’s done. we’re done. all of whatever this is,” you said gesturing between the two of you. “is over.”

he didn’t know what to do in that moment, but in reality he knew what he needed to do.

but seeing the tears in your eyes as you turned away from him and went towards the door pushed him over the edge.

tonight was the night and you were finally going to be his final girl.

forever.

#billy loomis #ghostface #scream 1996 #sidney prescott #slasher x reader #randy meeks #tatum riley #stu macher #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis imagine #billy loomis x you #billy loomis x y/n #slasher imagines #slasher fandom

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eclairfromleclerc · 2 years

Text

Hello everyone. It feels like ages since I posted the previous chapter of All’s Fair but honestly life and uni exams are catching up after the christmas break. This is another long chapter (6.7K words to be exact) so pardon me. I didn’t want to break it into parts since I have more things in mind for the next chapters. Once again keep in mind that english is not my native language so pardon any mistakes. I hope you will enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think of it. Hopefully I will be able to post more often as soon as I finish my exams. Stay tuned for more xx.

All’s Fair

(Toto Wolff x Reader) Chapter 5

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4

You hear a phone ringing in your sleep so you extend your hand in the nightstand to get it keeping your eyes closed. You pick up the phone and hear a voice.

“This is your wake up call for 8.30. Have a nice day.”

You quickly open your eyes when you realize that you have to be in the paddock in 30 minutes but you find out that you are not in your room. The heavy headache brings back memories from yesterday. Of course this is not your hotel. You remember that you came here last night. The Ritz. And apart from the fact that you are at Ritz you are in Toto’s room, Toto’s bed to be exact. You remember that you left drunk and came here to confront him. It’s not like you were completely wrecked last night but for a reason you have a massive memory gap. Everything is faint in your mind. The fact that you are already late for your day comes back to your mind and you stand up from the bed to look for your phone and call Christian to inform him that you will be late. You look around for your phone only to see it in the nightstand next to the bed. Connected on a charger-in which you definitely don't remember connecting it to. You press the button to open it but the phone restarts. It was dead all night since you were an idiot and you decided not to charge it before going out with Max. You open your phone and it immediately starts pinging with notifications.

4 Missed Calls From Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

8 Missed Calls From Max Emilian Verstappen

15 New Messages from Max Emillian Verstappen

3 New Messages from Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

You remember you promised Max to call him as soon as you arrived at the hotel but you never did.

You call your dad back to let him know that you were going to be late as you walk to the living room of Toto’s suite. You see a room service trailer with food plates on it.

“Where the hell are you?” your dad tells you “I’ve been waiting in the hotel for 25 minutes.”

“I’m sorry dad. You can leave. I will be late today. I will see you in the paddock.”

“We will discuss it later today. I will be waiting for you, you have no excuses. “ he says and he hangs up.

You call Max as you walk towards the room service cart.

“Where were you last night? Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you text? I was scared as hell you idiot.” he tells you as soon as he picks up.

“I’m so so sorry Max, I forgot I had to text you. I just slept and forgot all about what I told you I would do.”

“Promise me that you’ll never drink and leave alone again.” he tells you.

“I promise Max Emilian Verstappen.” you tell him as you see a piece of paper on the table.

“Don’t call me that, especially right now.”

“Sorry Max. I will be a little late but I will see you in the paddock.”

“Late? Just tell me that you didn’t do anything stupid.” he whines

“I will tell you in the paddock Max" you reply as you look at the paper and see that there's something written on it.

"Okay see you later you drunk missy"

"See you later dumbass" you tell him and you end the call. You pick the paper from the table and start reading it.

"Good Morning. If you are reading this you are probably awake and alright. I had to be in the paddock by 9 and I left. The food on the trailer is breakfast and the pills next to it are supposed to help with whatever kind of hangover you have. Please eat and drink them. If you are looking for your phone I connected it to my charger since it was dead. Max called like 5 times you should call him back. In the closet on your right as you enter my room There's a white Mercedes button up and a pair of trousers as well as a bag with a pair of glasses. Thought you would want to leave this hotel without being seen as ‘Horner’s daughter who was at the Mercedes hotel early In the morning before going ro the paddock’. Just wear them and pretend you are one of us. There will be someone waiting for you outside to get you. I'll see you around in the paddock. Have a nice day-as nice as it can be when you had that much to drink the day before.

-Toto"

Well for the signs of idiocy that he has shown he's quite sweet. You wouldn't be able to treat him this way if it was the other way round. You take a note mentally to thank him when you see him next. Toto Wolff just became a bit less of an asshole in your eyes.

You take a bite from a butter croissant that was on the breakfast trailer along with some sandwiches. You also take the pills Toto told you about and you go to the closet. Once you open the closet door you see it is pretty much full of Mercedes button ups, and black pants. Toto’s blue shirt with his initials TCW is also in the closet along with his beige pants which is his to go outfit outside of the paddock. You see a shirt and a pair of black pants separately from the others so you take them out of the closet, take your last night dress out and you put on the Mercedes gear he left you. The shirt is a bit oversized, clearly Toto’s as it smells like expensive men's perfume but the pants fit you perfectly. They are clearly not Toto's. Thank you Mercedes employee who sacrificed your pants. You put your dress in the bag and wear your pair of high heels and the big black glasses Toto left for you along with a Mercedes mask and you get out of his suite. You walk down to the hotel lobby with slight memories from last night coming back to you. The empty lobby, Sharon, Ritz's policy and your checkbook. You fucking bribed a person to give you Toto’s details. Thankfully Noone recognizes you, Sharon isn't in the reception either. Thank God. Talk about a walk of shame.

You go outside and see a black Mercedes waiting for you "Room 246? The suite?" The man inside it says

"Yes." You answer getting that this was a code name as you get in the car and ride back to your hotel.

A little before you arrive, you think that people can't see you entering the Red Bull hotel with the Mercedes gear on so you switch back to your dress from last night and you put the ones you were wearing in the black bag. You instruct the driver to enter the hotel from the parking to have the minimal interaction possible with people.

"May I have a name please?" The security guy at the parking entrance asks

"Yes. Horner, thank you very much" your driver says

"Of course, have a nice day"

The driver leaves you at the hotel parking and you walk to the elevator. An elevator ride and some walking later you are outside your suite’s door so you get in and dress up for the day. The usual outfit. Red Bull team shirt and a pair of white trousers. You pack your stuff and leave the hotel. You drive to the paddock. It is already 10 so you are already an hour late. You get in the paddock which is relatively empty since everyone is in the garages. You find your assistant Beth and hand her your stuff to leave them in your office and you walk to the pitwall. You take your seat and start catching up with the data in front of you as well as the programme for the last day of testing. You are alone at the pit wall with several Red Bull mechanics until Max and Christian join you.

“Glad you remembered to be here.” Christian tells you sarcastically

“Good morning to you too, dad.” you answer.

“What have I missed?” you ask

“Well not much, we only started like 10 minutes ago, you should be fine catching up” Max answers

“We did discuss some things that you didn’t listen to though.” Christian tells you

“If your plan is to make me mad, it is working. Please leave.” you tell him

“Okay I am leaving.” he turns to leave but turns back to you “Ah i forgot, you are doing press today, all of it, not just the f1 or just sky.”

“But what about the debrief? It is the final before the season opener, I have to be there”

“If you were here on time you would have been able to attend the debrief but sadly someone has to do press.”

You turn to look at the screens in front of you as Max sits right by your side

“What happened last night?” he asks

“You can’t imagine”

“Do I wanna know?” he says singing the song from Arctic Monkeys

“I did not sleep in my room last night…”

“TELL ME YOU DID NOT SLEEP WITH JACK THE MECHANIC” he yells at you whispering

“NO MAX FOR GOD’S SAKE” you reply with the same way “I did not sleep in the hotel in general” he looks at you with his mouth wide open showing his surprise

“Where the fuck did you sleep then?”

“The Ritz”

“Tell me you are not shagging someone from Mercedes.”

“Not exactly.”

“What do you mean not exactly?”

“You do remember everything Toto has said about me in the past month and in the last 3 days right?”

“You did not sleep with Toto Wolff did you?”

“No Max I didn’t.” he sighs feeling relieved “I slept in his room, in his bed to be exact.”

“WHAT?”

“I drank a lot and I just started thinking about how shit I am and how everyone thinks I don’t deserve to be here. So I went to the Ritz to see Toto and tell him to stop saying all that bullshit to the press. I went there and then something happened. So I slept in his bed, woke up today and came here.”

“What happened?”

“Look Max, I have a huge memory gap of the night and scenes just come back to my mind. I just remember that I told him whatever I had to and then he didn’t let me go back.”

“Okay I’ll be right here if you need to tell me anything.” Max tells you.

For the rest of the time you keep reading data taking notes that you would normally take during the debrief. You won’t be there but you might as well do the work you would do in other cases. Checo comes into the pits, the team tries different setups once again, for the last time for this year you are doing your testing programme. Time passes by and you still get some scenes from last night, Toto telling you not to go back to the hotel at this state and persuading you to sleep in his hotel and you passing out earlier but still the night did not have a logical flow in your mind. The 3 hours of the last day of testing are done and you get ready to go to the media pen for your press duties.

“I will see you later Maxy?” you tell him

“Yes of course, I will be waiting.”

You do Sky and Canal+ just before your official F1 interview. You check your email for details.

Group 3 15.30

Mercedes AMG F1

Red Bull Racing

McLaren

Of course they would pair Red Bull and Mercedes with McLaren. You would have to put up with this for a second time in three days. You go to the press conference room where Will is and you take the middle seat like the last time. You wait for Zak and Toto to arrive to begin your interview.

“Hello everyone” Zak says as he walks in the room alongside Toto

“Hello Zak, Mr Wolff.” you say

“Miss Horner, hello.” Toto replies

“Are we ready to start?” Will asks and the three of you nod

“We have here the 3 team representatives to talk about the pre-season testing, now that we are done, what are your impressions of your cars, the new regulations and the new rules? Let’s hear from Ms. Horner first.”

“We are happy with our car, we are in a position where we know where we can be and what we can challenge for. We still have some ideas on how to improve the car for Australia but our main package is what is currently in our garages and on the track. The new car regulations changed many things in the way we operate. Whether those regulations will help us to make races more interesting and keep the pack closer we will find out on the first race. For now, in Red Bull, we will keep working towards our goals and hopefully we can achieve them.” you reply

Will moves on to Zak but you can’t even keep up with what he’s saying. Your headache is suddenly so bad that you feel a growing dizziness. Zak finishes with his answer and Toto starts his as you hear his voice you have flashbacks from yesterday. You going to the hotel, bribing Sharon, going to his room to confront him, starting to tell him everything that his comments made you feel. And then there’s a clear picture of you pinned in the wall and him closer to you than he’s ever been. And then you kissing him, him kissing back. This can’t be true. You remember blacking out and being woken up by him, and then the fighting about you staying at the Ritz. Every single thing about yesterday comes back to your mind. What the fuck? You actually fucking kissed him?

“Ms Horner, do you want to reply?” Will asks but you haven’t heard a word from him

“Um, excuse me, would you repeat the question please?” you tell him while your dizziness is getting worse. Toto turns to you and whispers

“Are you okay?” he looks concerned.

“No, not really. I am not feeling very good.” you tell him and he tells someone to get a glass of water. You try to reply to Will's question as he hands you the water. You try to calm down and focus on the job you were doing as best as you can. If Christian sees this after today's morning you are going to be dead. You keep up with the questions and the answers feeling slightly better. When the press conference ends you stand up to leave for the Media Pen again to complete your interviews. Before you can even leave the room Toto comes by your side. You stop walking and look at him, he stops right by your side.

"Look, I am really sorry for upsetting you last night by coming to your hotel room. I was drunk and insecure and I had no right to come and tell you how to make statements." You tell him looking at him.

"You were not wrong to be honest. I was quite harsh, you are a first timer here and I had to be supportive. I am an asshole."

"Everything you planned for today morning tells me otherwise. I mean you might not be a Saint but you are definitely a bit less of an asshole than I thought."

"Oh the breakfast and all that was practically nothing, you were drunk as you said, a hangover needs some resting." He replies

"And also, I don't want you to take seriously anything that I've done yesterday."

"Like?" He tells you with a smug face

"Like me kissing you?"

"You remember." He says looking surprised.

"Yes I remember, I did not know what I was doing, alcohol was doing the talking here." You tell him

"Didn't seem like it was totally out of control, Miss Horner. Plus you told me you knew what you were doing. It wasn’t like a drunk you took over and then the normal you came back.”

“ I am not discussing it here with all of those people passing by.” you tell him trying to avoid the conversation you were definitely not ready to have.

“I would like to but anyway. Just remember I was taken a bit by surprise as well. ” he tells you

“I remembered what happened last night during the interview.”

“I figured it out, you were ready to pass out again.”

“Thanks for the water.”

“It was really nothing.” he replies

You look at him unsure of what is happening in this conversation

“Why are you being nice to me? Last night, today?”

“You asked me to, right?” he asks you

“Yes I did but you don’t have to do what I want. Just go back to not liking me.” you laugh

“You won’t tell me what to do young lady.” he laughs “Gotta go, I have to be in the debrief. Don’t you?” he asks

“No, dad made me do all the press today as a punishment for being late. No debrief for me.”

“Good luck dealing with the post debrief notes.”

“Thanks, I’ll need it.” you say and you turn to leave for the media pen.

For the rest of the day you keep answering questions for reporters all over the world, either small or bigger broadcasters and blogs. When you finish your duties you go back to the Red Bull hospitality which is starting to empty and you close the door to your office. You sit in your chair and you pour yourself a drink. They say that a hangover passes if you drink another alcoholic drink right?. You scroll in your phone and you see the texts from your friends

Sara 14.47

‘Bestie are you ok? I saw your press and you looked terrible. I haven’t heard from you since yesterday. Call or text if you find some time.’

Lizzie 12.34

‘Just opened the TV, you look on fire as always girl, I hope that car of yours is fast because I’m ready for many celebrations.’

You reply to them and to your group chat, and then just relax in your office looking at your socials and taking a look at the notes from the session earlier. Your chill out time is interrupted by a knock on the door.

“You may come in” you say and the door opens with Max standing outside the office.

“You didn’t learn from yesterday did you?” he laughs

“They say hangover passes with hangover now that’s what I am doing.” you say. You take one deep breath. “Max, I remembered what happened yesterday. It was during the press conference. I almost passed out when I realized it.”

“Spill the tea.”

“Well, I left the restaurant in a taxi and as we were on that huge highway I started feeling so small and meaningless, then all of the details about how I am letting everyone down came to my mind, and then Toto. I had to see him and tell him that his statements are making me feel like shit and that he should stop so I asked the driver to change the destination to the Ritz. I arrived there and it was empty so I went to the reception and asked for Toto’s hotel room.”

“You fucking asked a receptionist to give you their clients personal info?”

“Yes and she told me she couldn’t do this due to policy.”

“Well surprise,” he tells you ironically.

“And then I took my check book out and gave her money to give me his information.”

“YOU DID WHAT?” he yells

“Will you shut up? I have to continue now.” you reply “So she agreed and gave me his room number, I went there knocked on the door and he answered it obviously. So I started crying and told him that he has no right to make me feel like shit, that he is pretentious and that he doesn’t know how to lose.”

“And?”

“And he got mad and pinned me against a wall.”

“Did you punch the guy? Tell me you did, I wanted to do this for so long, his face is just so punchab-”

“I kissed him” you interrupt him

“Excuse me?” he asks you, face full of doubt

“I fucking kissed Wolff Max”

“Why the hell did you do this?” he tells you looking in despair

“I don’t know, I was drunk and pinned against the wall with the guy just centimeters away from my face.” you tell him

“He’s the fucking rival you idiot. Why did you do this? Do you like him?”

“No Max. I mean I haven’t thought about it but generally no.”

“What happened next? Tell me you didn’t shag him.”

“I realized what I did and then I passed out for a while. He caught me and carried me to the bed and then tried to wake me up.”

“And?”

“And I woke up and told him I would leave but he wouldn’t let me so I slept on his bed and him on the couch.”

“At least you were wise about that.”

“Today I woke up and he had ordered breakfast before he left.”

“You do realize that what you are telling me is not healthy at all right?”

“I know, would you just let me live my life?” you say “He left me a full Mercedes outfit for me to leave the hotel without being seen. I have one of his Mercedes shirts in a bag in my hotel room.”

“You are fucking crazy you know that?” Max laughs

“I know, Max. What happened is in the past, I am moving forward, into the first race we go."

"Just don't keep doing crazy things. Wanna go grab a bite or some coffee?"

"Yeah but I am flying at 9 so I have to be at the airport a bit earlier than that."

"I will be leaving at 7, I will leave straight after our coffee. Do you want to join?"

"Thanks but I told Christian I would fly with him today and he wouldn't be happy if I canceled, especially today. Besides, aren't you flying to monaco?"

"I am but I if you decide to come I would come to Milton Keynes for some sim work"

"Thank you but dad will be waiting so…" you tell him

"Shall we go?"

You stand up and grab your stuff as Max opens the door. Both of you exit the motor home of Red Bull and walk in the paddock greeting people you know. You get in the car as the photographers remaining take pictures of you and you drive to the restaurant Max proposed.

You get there, you and Max sit on a table for 2 and enjoy your dinner. You discuss many things, most of them not race related and the time passes quickly.

"I've gotta go, I have my pilots waiting for me on the jet. Are you sure you are not coming?"

"Yess Max, thank you very much. You can go."

"We have to pay first." He laughs

"This one's on me. Go''

"Thank you so much" he says and he gives you a hug "See you in Monaco or Milton Keynes."

"See ya idiot." You reply.

You see Max leaving the restaurant and ask for the bill. You pay for everything you and Max took and you leave the restaurant yourself. You drive to the hotel and go back to your suite. You pack your stuff for your flight, including that bag with the Mercedes gear from earlier, which is in two hours or so and you spend the remaining time just chilling in your suite, knowing that you will be coming back to this place in a few weeks time. About one hour before your scheduled meeting with your dad on the jet you check out of the hotel. You know that the ride to the airport is roughly 30 minutes with traffic and then passing security will take you like 10 minutes, so you will be 10 minutes early. Christian will be happy. You drive to the airport and leave your car to the designated area. You head in the airport and pass security with the time being just as you calculated. Once you are ready to go to the private jet waiting lounge and you walk to the gate to go to your jet where Christian is waiting.

“Your name and destination?” the airport employee asks

“Horner. I am flying to England, my father is already in the jet.” you say ready to pass the gate

“I am afraid the jet has already left.”

“Excuse me?” What the hell is this shit? Christian was supposed to wait.

“I thought your dad had informed you that he left earlier because of some urgent job in Oxford, the plane took off like 5 minutes ago.”

“Okay thank you very much. Can I wait here to schedule my flight to go back home?”

“Yes of course. The next commercial flight to England is in two hours fyi.” he tells you trying to help

“Thank you.”

You leave the gate and sit in those awfully comfortable armchairs of the jet lounge. You text Christian.

You

What the hell was that?

Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

Sorry?

You

You fucking left me in the airport in Bahrain.

Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

It was urgent i had to go

You

You could have at least fucking called me, I was literally in security

Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

Look, it is important, if i called you we would lose another 30 minutes

You

So you decided to just leave me here without telling me and now I have to take a commercial flight back home which is in 2 fucking hours.

Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

I guess we are on equal terms right now

You

You did this because I was late today?

Wow dad, I thought we were well past the time you were 5

Don’t text me back, I am angry and I have to deal with this, I will see you in England.

You start looking at flights to England and try to figure out which ones suit you the best. Most of them are booked but there are a couple of tickets left. You select the seat you wanted to book and reach for your bags to get your credit card. As you find your wallet in that mess of a bag that you have you look up. You see Toto coming into the lounge area giving his name to the employee on the gate and then talking with him, probably settling details. He turns and walks towards the armchairs when he spots you. With a surprised face he walks to you.

“It seems like we can’t run away from each other those last 3 days.” he laughs

“I always see you in front of me, are you stalking me or something?” you joke

“I have better things to do, I have to confess.” he tells you “Are you waiting for your flight?” he asks

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Kinda what?”

“I was supposed to fly with my dad but he decided that he had something urgent that couldn’t wait for 5 minutes for me to get in that jet. Max left earlier. So I am booking a commercial flight which leaves in 2 hours. I am not even supposed to be here.” You tell him, showing him your wallet and booking page.

“Where are you going? Monaco or Oxford?”

“I am supposed to go to Oxford.”

“I am flying to England myself, the jet will be ready in like 10 minutes.”

“Weird flex but okay.” you say

“No, what I wanted to say is whether you want to join me on my flight or just wait for another 2 hours for the commercial one.”

“Is this really possible?”

“Yeah, I am traveling alone so you can join me.”

“You are a lifesaver. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.” he answers as he sits down in the armchair next to you and he keeps himself busy doing the same. You text Max to tell him about what happened.

You

I am guessing I should have come with you when you asked me to

Max Emillian Verstappen

What happened?

You

Christian had something urgent back in England and he had to go literally 5 minutes before I boarded the jet

Max ‘Emilian’ Verstappen.

Sounds like something that Christian would do after today. I am sure it wasn’t on purpose.

You

I am not so sure though

Max ‘Emilian’ Verstappen

What are you going to do now?

You

I have an alternative

Max Emilian Verstappen

Commercial?

When you are ready to type your answer to Max you hear Toto calling your name

“Jet’s ready, we can go.” he says as he stands up and gets his luggage, you do the same and you follow him to the gate exit where he gives his name once again. You exit the lounge and a black Mercedes is outside to get you to the place where the jet is. He opens the back seat door and you go in. He closes the door and sits in the front seat. The ride to the jet takes no more than 4 minutes and you sit in silence trying to realize what is happening. The black Mercedes stops in front of a jet, which is bigger than the one you are usually using with your dad, and you reach for the door but before you can open it Toto does it for you. You step outside and wait to get your bags from the trunk.

“They are going to have them loaded on the jet, let’s go.” He tells you and he leads the way to the jet’s stairs which you carefully climb since you got your high heels on.

You get inside and leave your bags on one of the empty seats while Toto is talking to the pilots in the cockpit. You sit in the seat you chose and wait for your rival to come to the cabin. He ends his conversation with the pilots and turns to the cabin where he sees you sitting.

“I might have been kind enough to propose a flight to England but I am afraid I have to ask you to switch seats.” he tells you

“Why is that so?”

“Well, that’s my seat” he says with his infamous smug face that you so much hate

“I really need to go to England so I will do you a favor.” you answer and you stand up to sit in the seat opposite to the one you were sitting. He leaves his bag and sits where you were sitting before, being totally calm and chill. You relax yourself, the cabin door closes and the jet starts moving. You remember you had to answer to Max.

You take your phone and snap a picture of the plane, making sure Toto is in the frame and that he is totally recognizable. You press send.

“I hope there won’t be a picture of me in my jet all over your socials.”

“I just sent it to Max”

“You two seem to be quite close.”

“We are indeed” you tell him smiling

Max Emilian Verstappen

You are an idiot

I am blocking you

Is this a joke?

You promised you wouldn’t do anything stupid

You

I am not doing anything stupid, I was just in the jet lounge and he came and offered me a ride. It’s not like I would sit and wait for like another 2 hours.

Gotta go, I’ll come back to you later

The plane starts accelerating and before you can even understand it you are up in the air. Toto looks out of the window lost in his thoughts.

“You want something to drink?” he asks

“I was literally drunk yesterday night.”

“Yeah you are right. Let me know if you need anything though.”

“Tough day at the track?” you ask

“If you start talking about racing, cars and F1 I will throw you out of this plane and I’m not even joking.”

“What do you want to talk about then?”

“Tell me about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Something apart from the fact that you are annoying as hell and that you get drunk and go to people’s hotel rooms.”

“There’s pretty much nothing interesting about me. I was born into the Horner family so I’ve grown up in the paddocks. I love what I am doing and I love traveling. I adore good music and movies and I am obsessed with wearing high heels even when I can’t even walk like right now. I have a French Bulldog back in Oxford named Peanut and I drive an Aston Martin although I always wanted a Mercedes. I wanted to study engineering but also loved management. I have this bracelet that all of my friends gave me and it is my lucky charm so I can’t go anywhere without it. And as you understand I talk a lot. That’s me.”

“Well you know we spend so much time trying to get to each other's heads and we never get to know our rival. This was enlightening.”

“What about you?”

“Nothing you haven’t heard of. I was born in Vienna but my Parents are Polish and Romanian. I lost my dad when I was young and it left a scar on me since I was a kid. I’ve been kicked out of a French school because we weren’t able to pay the tuition. I speak five languages and I love learning new things. Finance has always been my love and combining it with racing is making me a really happy person. That’s all”

“Interesting.” you say as you look outside the plane door suddenly you start laughing

“What is it ?” he asks wondering if you have gone crazy

“My university professors would kill me if they heard this conversation.”

“Why?”

“They would tell me this is a PR suicide. You never reveal your true self to your rival because they will crush you using what you’ve told them.”

“What exactly would I use against you for PR? That you love wearing those high heels or that you always wanted to drive a Mercedes?”

You laugh, “Honestly, I don't know.”

“well then i promise you that this conversation will stay in this jet”

You turn a bit to the side and let the lack of sleep of the past days take over.

Four and a half hours later you wake up. You open your eyes and you see the seat across you empty. You turn around and see that nobody is in the jet. What the hell? Did you dream the whole thing? You stand up and yell his name. Some seconds later he emerges from a door in the back of the cabin.

“Oh you woke up.”

“Omg sorry for interrupting you I just thought I dreamt all about this.”

“No, I was just in the toilet. And you definitely didn’t dream of this.”

“Where are we?”

“We will arrive in about an hour. Do you have anyone to take you home?”

“No but I will probably take a taxi.”

“Okay, I will drive you home.”

“No you don’t have to do this, a taxi will work just fine Toto.”

“I am not discussing this.” he glares at you

“Whatever” you say and sit on his seat making him angry.

For the rest of the flight you chat with Max and listen to some music while chilling. You start feeling the jet going down as you prepare for the landing. You check yourself with the camera of your phone making sure everything is okay for the outside world to see and you await for your touchdown to Oxford.

The plane lands, you remain seated and you turn off flight mode from your phone as you come to a complete stop.

You had 3 Missed Calls from Christian ‘Dad’ Horner

Of course he felt bad and he wanted to talk to you

“We will wait for a while to get the car outside the jet so we can leave immediately.” he tells you and you nod in agreement. You stand up and go to the cockpit door. You knock on it and you hear someone approaching. One of the two pilots opens the door.

“Hello, how was your flight?” he asks

“It was really nice. In fact that’s why I came here. I wanted to thank you for the flight today. It was great.”

“Thank you very much, it is not every day that you get to fly ladies like you.” he smiles at you

Coincidentally at this very time Toto comes to you with his hands full of your stuff

“We are leaving.” he tells you handing you your blazer

“Mike, thank you for the flight.” he says and shows you the way. You walk down the stairs and there’s another black Mercedes waiting for you

“Welcome Mr. Wolff, here are your keys.” one of the airport employees says

“Thank you very much” he grabs his keys and opens his door. He gets in and you walk to the other side of the car doing the same.

“Where are we going?” he asks

Without answering you navigate through the Mercedes’ panel and use the GPS putting your address in it.

“Drive” you tell him and he chuckles.

He drives the car and you leave the airport. The ride is too quiet so you reach for your phone and connect it to the car's sound system. Him looking at you while you are doing it. You put on a chill playlist to play in the background.

“That Mike pilot, he was nice.” you say

“He’s just learning. Did you like him?”

“I just said he was nice.” you laugh thinking about how he sounded jealous but you are probably just making this up

The rest of the ride continues in silence apart from your playlist playing in the background. The car comes to a stop and you take off your seatbelt, opening the door to get out. You go to the back of the car to get your luggage but as soon as you get there Toto opens the trunk and takes all of your bags out of the car.

“Thank you very much for this, I owe you one.” you tell him

“It was really not a big deal, you needed help and I helped you. It’s not that I hate you as much as you think I do.”

“So you hate me but less?” you ask him

“Do not put words I didn’t say in my mouth. You don’t know what I meant.”

“Well, will you tell me?”

“Nope, goodnight.” he tells you trying to break out of it

“Come onnnnn” you whine

“See you in Australia.” he tells you

“Thanks for everything Toto.”

You get in the garden and walk towards the entrance. There’s not a single light open. You get in quietly pulling your stuff in. Suddenly the light opens.

“Who was that?” Christian asks you

“A friend.” you reply trying to cover everything.

“How did you get here?”

“I flew commercial. Changed 2 flights. I am so tired I just want to go to sleep.” you tell him

“Mercedes has something sketchy on the car. We are thinking of protesting it. Adrian says we might get something out of it. That’s what happened before I left you in Bahrain.”

“And?”

“And it seems like the war has already started.”

Indeed the war has already started but today showed you that it might be a little different than you thought. Keeping everything in mind you go to your room, leave your bags and fall asleep.

#toto wolff #toto wolff x reader #toto wolff fanfic #f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #All's fair fic

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sugar-petals · 3 years

Text

get to know football prince kai havertz: intro masterpost

as my recent pretty boy agenda entails writing long ass meme essays about handsome male football players for you to look at and enjoy

today’s the day you get to check out the man of all men

welcome to an extensive introduction guide on germany’s #1 cheekbone export

with the wholesome hobbies

and the most important goal in european football this year

if you wanna know more about this looker? join the ted talk it’s gonna be outrageous

the sleek specimen in question: mr. kai lukas havertz (22), accidental supermodel forward at fc chelsea in england, yeah that’s the london team with the dark blue shirts, go tell em your sexy number kai:

29 bc he has 2 great legs and 9 lives like a cat, he respawns from everything you throw at him, you can see it from a mile away

immortal vampire with a back problem kinda guy, we hired him to scare the opposing teams shitless with his ominous booty posing it works

ikr he always looked way older than he is, blame that intense bone structure and low brow, kai’s barely in his 20s the hell

and admirably already made it as far as you can in the clubs, in case you heard about the champion’s league (...where all the best and sassiest european clubs compete for a comically large silver goblet), he scored the final’s winning goal

awkwardly, in typical fashion — my man tripped over the goalkeeper — but he did it, aged 21, very proud right here, this is how it happened:

wonderkid kai is also an attacker in the german national team, as the #7, which is the number of maximum years i predict it takes until he won the euros and the world cup at least once, it’s only a matter of time germany is gearing up we’re hotter than ever 😤

in both teams he’s basically um yeah moving his body back and forth gracefully on a large green field while looking amazing and doing genius things, that’s his job summary it’s simple on paper

the english press calls him the ‘silky german‘ and i get why, that silhouette that focus those fancy brows

since kai is a forward he’s also notoriously tangling himself up in the net of the opposing goal (you kinky mf, bondage in broad daylight)

and piercing through the competition with these absurd cheekbones

(it’s not plastic surgery. he always had these)

a whole model menace but please he’s actually goofy

should you wonder how to pronounce him at this point, roll the r a little harder and you got it down. he goes by kai havats if you consult most english commentators but the correct german rendition is kai-há-ve-ar-ts

he got a lotta fans learning how to spell it, eye of the hurricane, especially chelly simps for him 24/7

let’s find out in detail how my spaghetti-shaped husband is causing such a stir, this thread is structured with hashtags and we’re starting with the most obvious:

#LOOKS

so you’d like to know about his features and how to spot him (unsurprisingly: very easy, he’s a sore thumb everywhere, and surrounded by his puppy children)

we have all kinds of overly specific nicknames for his appearance, if you see ‘[random weird word] prince’ on football tumblr you’ll know it’s him

catch kai by his goal celebration: sticking his tongue out as far as he can, he thinks he’s havertz thee stallion, then he ends up like this somewhere at the goal line

kai always seems like he just broke into a different dimension, like a christian saint picture almost? why is he always looking up, what does he see, why is there suddenly a ray of light

he’s an offensive 6’3 tall, i guess he has a different perspective on what’s happening behind heaven’s door, maybe he consults with god on how to score after the next corner kick or something, no surprise he is so divine

anyway. never knew a bloke named kai who was unattractive, havi is no exception if not a prime example of overly serious tumblr sexyman

the whole fandom (i’m not aware that havertz stans call themselves a certain way universally, i just call ourselves the havies) agrees he’s the weirdest-looking 10/10 in the football game, and photographers eat him the fuck up

with a bunch of strange lighting and uneventful sponsored clothes he already brings on his inner lucky blue smith, holy mother of hair product they can make my giant baby look 35

even the way he just stands there is peak posing talent, he always tilts his hip to the right and hits the tyra banks, he came to be a statue

you can tell that people who stan this big ole asparagus all have cripplingly high expectations towards men and unfair beauty standards, a moment of silence for guys who are not kai havertz, when will they do notable slutty things every day like he does, when will they keep up, in their defence he was written by a woman i think (that’s arguably hard to achieve)

in that exact spirit he’s complemented ofc by lovely romantic curls and waves, contrasts well with his famously gaunt and bony face, love it when it’s longer and swept aside, very greek very heartthrob, i told you he’s unrealistic

he runs his hands through it every other second to indulge us, does he read our posts or what? log off tumblr kai practice your goal finish

he once had a straight hair phase back in the day and it was also very comely if not jawdropping, and don’t you say a bad word about his acne

the eyes are just amazing i’m aware, channelling some disney villain realness and then there’s kai’s doggo lmao, he is trying his best to paint himself as the most intense dog father ever like why, nobody’s gonna hurt your woofer smh

instantly recognizable long legs from a distance, kai stumbles across the lawn constantly. they do what they want faster than he can catch up, christ he’s talented

even at their most muscular they stay naturally slim, my man is very ectomorph, so streamlined mwah

since havi came to england from his former club leverkusen he did buff up a bit, his upper body is a lil different (also note the beautiful hands btw)

(more hand appreciation, they really are flawless)

his shoulder area is great too, the right balance of everything, a little geometry a little slope a little boyfriend vibes

and btw, geometrics: hey, chelsea. stop handing him these wild jersey prints. my head is spinning, kai’s already hypnotizing enough

and grant him more free time so he can indulge in his shaving fetish istg (...kai insists he hates having a beard on himself and his royal mood does turn more awry with every new grown millimeter — which is a problem since he gets a 5′o’clock shadow faster than his career took off, goddamnit havertz hormones)

that being said i bet his hair and aftershave smell so perfectly princely pristine like am i right or am i right, silky IS the right word, give this man a shaving commercial, come on gillette you cowards

...to sum things up. his face can’t be missed: everything’s flatter on the bone than the netherlands, his smile has these 3 fish-like wrinkles because he’s koi havertz our merman husband, touchable curly curls and browly brows, you almost never see the bottom row of his teeth, his suffering eyes are shaded like an anime swordsman on a vengeance streak, michelangelo went a little too feral when he put the chisel on kai’s cheekbones, aaand the fade up his nape and above his ears is so professionally done i’m about to faint from haircut bliss

razors and kai are best friends. spare my wig oh god why

he doesn’t have the same barber as chelsea’s goalie, but they look like brothers so watch out for major confusion, that’s mister ⭐️ kepa arrizabalaga revuelta ⭐️ for you right here, again for you to read it: ✨ arrizabalaga ✨

yes what a hot name, football twitter calls him kabi for short, i call him catty, or balenciaga, go on señor gato give us everything

mr revuelta is basically the 6’1 stubborn spanish version of kai with bigger gloves

kai’s hands are always cold so he wears gloves too, the man freezes as soon as the temperature drops below 25 celsius, he’s walking around like a bank robber, u just have to do a double take sometimes if it’s not kepi the cat ok

as a rule of thumb, kai is taller, like he would bang up his head standing inside kepa’s box lol

balenciaga’s cheekbones are deceptive and his frame is copy paste kai with slightly bigger tiddies i know, but kai’s silly ((( = u = ))) smile gives it away i think

ok now you know another sexy guy from chelsea and kai’s clone you’re very revuel-come

TL;DR — kai is ready for a milan runway, he’s very oddly sexy, kepa is the white gloves guy standing AT the goal and kai is the black gloves guy IN the goal because he crashed into the net for the nth time, i’m confident you can tell him apart on the pitch just look for a tall brunette with a knot in his legs

#PERSONALITY & PEOPLE

never let the royally stern expression trick you

kai is a raging enthusiast for rural life since early on. i know, adorable

you always find him somewhere squatting in a barn (he’s too tall for any ceiling) or outdoors. SOFT

donkeys are his thing, he’s big on animal rights (anti zoo, anti circus), he looks so beaten down if he can’t hug his donkeys daily, if someone calls them goats he’s rolling his eyes and goes off, this stuff is important to him he’ll protecc donkeys with his life thanks to him the whole fandom came to appreciate them

yes kai is ranty as hell once you set him off, he also cusses when he gets too excited and always ends up apologizing on twitter after winning something lmao

as a balancing opposite to being a swearing farmer he’s into the latest gaming technology, always scares the living hell out of himself when something unexpected happens

and guess who joins the gaming sesh and outdoor activities? oh yeah there’s a lady

kai’s childhood sweetheart and gf sophia weber. she’s not very much in the limelight or on social media but we do have some cute lq pictures of shy havi getting smooches 😌

been together for ages, very sweet couple, kai is always “my girlfriend my girlfriend my girlfriend my girlfriend my girlfriend” that’s right, i adore these two, we sometimes see some PDA at the big games ( ˘ ³˘)♥

sophia is all of us

i love it she’s so enjoying herself

what i want to say she is an exquisite lady who want to congratulate, but i don’t really have to tell her, she knows, the smile says it all

not one doubt who’s the boss here let’s not beat around the bush

as far as we can tell by their updates kai is a very whimsical, cap-wearing but loving boyfriend and makes someone a very happy girl so we love to see it, she’s v proud of him like every german national team and chelsea fan so she’s our representative 🤗, his waist is free real estate i thoroughly approve

like isn’t miss soph lucky, and they are a little dog family 🐶😭

the man is a complete romantic he plays the piano and whatnot, superb hobbies what can i say

meanwhile his raging hormones resulted in baby fever and spiralling dad instincts so kai has been out there collecting the most endearing big puppers left and right so he has something tiny to take care of

(granted, everything and everyone looks tiny next to him)

now ye know where the tongue goal celebration comes from he learned from the greatest

sometimes he’s a bouncy upbeat doggo himself, don’t let the pokerface and height misguide you

especially in the presence of a certain gentleman who is very important in kai’s biography

mister julian ‘bestie’ brandt (25), a north german footballer himself, very blonde very cute very sexy, a triple threat you’ll like him, yes he’s also in the dog squad

(brand means fire or arson in german. no wonder he’s so hot)

jules is kai’s former leverkusen co-player in the midfield hence their connection, they know each other they’re friends from work

these two bromance the living hell out of each other on ig, always did photoshoots together, kai was glued to julian, they partied with each other’s families they go on vacation together they did joint interviews and fanmeets and promos

the football world watched on and concluded: goals with ball — second priority. #bravertz goals — first priority (beaming grins, how we love that)

nowadays, bad news, they’re far apart bc career, julian became a yellow bumblebee at dortmund back in germany which is a big deal the club is a staple

they complain about missing each other all the time, even way before his departure to england kai’s smirk has been wiped from his face i worry a lot is he ok

maybe they meet again in the national team, under ideal circumstances they play together for the crosscontinental tournaments which the entire internet and football press loves, bravertz can inspire world peace they are a humanitarian institution come on let them play

so yeah talk about pokerface, i know i know the man might um radiate some slightly pink purple and blue particles through these cheekbones if you catch my drift, god bless him

fingers crossed for julian’s inclusion in the germany nt soon

and as far as blessings and humanitarian things go, anyway. kai auctioned off a hundred of his expensive ass boots to help german flood relief, you heard about what was going on, he raised lots of awareness

again don’t be fooled: his personality in interviews is basically one-liners, the english press thinks he doesn’t care about anything based on his exhausted face apparently

it’s true that kai’s pitch alter ego is a sickly victorian leg poser who’s had too much opium and an existential crisis after church, but with his friends he’s all giggles and we know he’s a snuggly boo, am very glad to see his benevolent koi smile shining down on us every time 🐟☀️

like. i mean. this bitch is a gemini. A GEMINI! his moon is in taurus, and he’s a slutty catholic. i like slutty catholic geminis with their moon in taurus, hence i like kai it’s simple, he has a lotta sides to him, a special charisma y’know

june 11, 1999. that just rolls off the tongue. he’s from aachen which is notoriously impossible to pronounce for non-natives so let’s just say he’s west german from a district that has a lot of medieval history, the architecture is as majestic as he is

yeah i’m also wondering. how on earth did a homoerotic westphalian farmer from the 8th century get reincarnated in such a strange and glamorous haute couture body i don’t understand it, how did that happen

gemini duality i guess, best of both worlds 👌

he’s young and old… beautiful and odd… progressive and countrified… sweet and grumpy… an absolute hoe and a moral institution… get yourself a dude who’s like men’s shampoo. 2 in 1

saint and sinner i’m telling you, miss sophie is my witness he can do both

wait. kai actually has his own men’s shampoo franchise i’m crying

anyhow, since he is so young and manifold, i’m glad that he has older players at chelsea and the national team to look up to, or um to look down to, he’s so huge bro, imagine having to work with him and all you see is this, it’s no wonder that our germany nt is waving the rainbow flag more aggressively these days, kai is level 10 crushcore

in the national team he’s taller than our goalkeeper (wannabe boxer manuel neuer, right) and our buffest midfielder (mister world leon goretzka, middle) RIP, especially to kai’s back

everybody looks like he is their grumpy supermodel nanny i swear

my man really has to grow into that role please go easy on him he’s more of a moody teenager than a leader, he can only glare so much from the bench like a renaissance painting

gladly enough kai’s brain is impeccably devoid of anything at all, how else could he handle that level of fame and football capitalism, like if you ever heard him speak it’s basically the sloth in zootopia talking about family and home life, on the pitch he’s just there to speed around and be stunning so thank you for your service my prince

#STOWY

so a little bit on his story, not too many endless numbers and data but rather a cute childhood pic first, he still bites down his lip that way nothing has changed

havi has come a long way

for a dude this illegally handsome, his parents sure do work for the german law, we don’t know much about them but his dad is/was a police officer and his mom an attorney

they didn’t do anything to stop and arrest him i guess. and frankly nobody’s mad. kai can be as criminally sexy as he wants when he wants where he wants he’s the prom king made in bayer 04 leverkusen my friends, for ten whole years

the interesting thing is: kai’s father ralf was actually a footballer much like kai’s granddad but had to quit since it didn’t bring in any money, look at them now at the european championships

safe to say they don’t have that problem anymore. i’m not joking with you twinkus maximus is worth a 100 (!) million

yeah us havies stan an unaffordable man. if i want him at my own hypothetical football club, i can maybe buy a small corner of a donkey barn and try to lure him with that so he comes for free. but y’know. his happy face is priceless that matters the most don’t forget that

chelsea on the other hand, madmen they are, really paid that fucking sum for him to break up with julian, leave germany, and take the next step, now he’s an english superstar; london and twitter adore him

recently his performance isn’t always top-notch usually resulting in a wave of sighs, oh well, people forget he got fucked up by having corona in 2020, and julian is nowhere to be seen in england, the guy’s happy pill is absent, but kai scores when it’s important as we know, the trophies don’t lie

recently the other chelsea attack stars got struck with injury so now he can show what he got and the goals are settling in one by one, he remains a wizard

havi’s manager is a fellow german, the hopelessly crazed intelligence monster thomas tuchel, who somehow uses his shoes to hex his enemies & manages to accidentally create beef with any higher executives or big players every time, but i’d be damned if i wouldn’t say he recognizes quality and is passionate, his eyes are the keenest he analyzes it all

each premier league coach is completely gung-ho this is a fair warning, tuchi is not even close to an exception he’s the belly of the beast

thomas’ eyes and ears are very round that’s how you recognize him, i don’t know how else to describe this man. it’s like. he’s thinking about the ball so much, he became the ball. why are his ears so perfectly round

mind you a whole bucket of credit is due here, tuchi is a tactics and team building genius who sets very strict rules the german way so that’s exactly what kai needs he’s a whole ass bottom remember

it’s reassuring to know that they don’t have a language barrier because hav’s english skills are notoriously picasso-esque and 80% nasty words he picked up on the pitch (my man got so corrupted on the island 😭) and thomas is a true spiralling virgo weirdo who has to translate his english from the bavario-swabian linguistic complexities in his head. imagine the chaos

for those worrying that you have to learn german to understand kai: he talks in singular quips and chuckles, tweets in english, also in like four words or two unrelated emojis each, gemini again

…and half of football tumblr is both translating and clowning his every move. don’t fret my footie frens, you will know what he’s up to. and as with all footballers it’s the body that talks the most

and oh boy is kai talkative in that regard, body ody ody language

the havies can read his mood from the angle of his eyebrows by the millimeter, he is blatantly obvious and rejects being trained in PR i suspect, kai being unfiltered is v important to me and every football tumblr meme blog

for instance when he kaispreads on the bench he wants to be comforted and his disappointment is immeasurable that’s one rule

when he’s dragging himself across the pitch going >:| he is dire need of a particular huggy style. if he can’t bury his face in the crook of someone’s neck kai’s yearning turns into brooding turns into frowning turns into 24/7 emo grumbling. so please. give him hugs.

and when he goes *%&§#*+=?%&!! and his tongue is so far out it’s touching his toes he’s happy and carefree and trolling the press, get nasty kai 🤘👅

don’t you know that bottoms keysmash. he does that when he speaks. um kai this is not a text message it’s a real conversation

...you can tell we’ll hear a lot from him in the future

#TECH

and now the last segment: skills. but talking about football tactics and technique in text form is literally so dull though, let’s make it horny like the man himself

okay so you wanna experience what this pricey eyebrows bottom can do

if you see a constantly bent-over guy or a really tall person blocking people with his back on the field like a little spoon, that’s him at work. sometimes he squats down with his ass right in the camera

just peg him already

if u don’t believe me that he’s a little spoon ask sophia smh

he’s always running around in complicated swirls on the pitch, resembles his hair pretty much

kai kind of reminds me of a stork in his style of play, i mean it in the best of ways

also. with all that tongue stuff it’s only logical kai’s head game is pure fire, he’s working with his height ugh he jumps so damn high

but then again. in front of the goal he suddenly becomes the most patient person on the planet?? like he starts doing little tricks when the area is empty and he could just put the ball in?? he’s literally waiting?? tf why is he like ok uwu time for some on-pitch orgasm denial?? wow, and how

JUST SHOOT ALREADY, SHOOT

the whole penalty area could be on fire and he is there… chilling with the ball… dribbling it left to right… channelling his inner donkey energy…

i think he just wants to have people yell at him what to do

yea the finish is a bit— you know, embellished

(which includes almost busting his princely nose bridge by tumbling over the defense, kai please take care of your face the world depends on it)

#klutzykai

he’s also known for going completely overboard in one-on-one once provoked, his revenge tackles are more english than the english players, zero nuance detected, he has no idea how to be aggressive properly, also he’s throwing his co-players around like tomorrow never comes, cool down lukas nobody wants to celebrate goals with you anymore

you’re not a west london thug and you’re not built like mister romelu lukaku, kai please for the love of god when people test you stay classy

(^lukaku, also plays at chelly like kai, he’s five times as broad compared to our asparagus)

same thing when germany plays: the whole nation watches with horror as kai bodychecks another midfielder and then proceeds to axe some defenders he hates

he’s too skinny for it anyway but my man is officially disqualified from being a himbo he’s a rude one, but i think he’s targeting biphobes so i’m okay with it as long as he doesn’t collect red cards

i mean maybe he could need a little help from a friend. i think a lot of people are jealous of his vibes and prompt him, there’s a lotta ppl who wanna break these legs it seems

he’s had a player spit on him on the pitch in 2019, like wtf, so it’s understandable why he wants to send some don’t fuck with me signals, the referee is very busy with the guys around him i hate it here

dudes straight up wanna fight kai for existing. this madrid boomer nacho fernandez was wilding out on him at the champion’s league semifinal this year to the point where one of the chelsea veteran defenders had to free kai from his misery down there

mister césar azpilicueta you hereby receive the kai protection award from yours truly

and @ nacho stop bullying the prince of germany and discriminating against bottoms

kai’s noodly looks and legs are not his fault. touch him again and 80 million germans lead by julian brandt are ready to break your nacho nuts i’m maD

we’re about to end nacho’s career faster than kepa kitty can kill a penalty

i am reassured to know that timo werner is also playing at the chels, he’s a bitchy german striker with the good hair and a confusing smile so kai has someone similar to talk to, lmao these two

….although maybe some TLC would also be very nice for kai he’s just a very tall dog owner who’s very touch- and donkey-deprived, he’s kinda exhausting himself on the pitch without his cuddle battery being loaded

he’s great to watch regardless, the made in lermany (leverkusen + germany) quality is undeniable, he’s so glam he’s got mentality he is the moment, look at my spaghetti spouse

his style is leggy it’s convoluted and relies on bending over way too damn much = all in all every reason for tops around the world to switch on the latest german national team circus performance

or another dramatic chelly game at stamford bridge or wherever else they’re implementing tuchel’s tormentation tactics

watching kai is like he’s playing effortless piano with his feet

i can understand why he is so damn expensive

the lovely legs cannot be fathomed by someone who never saw kai wind and little spoon himself through a wall of defense… chef’s kiss

so that’s it on kai havats, hope you enjoyed the wild ride, hope you support my gen z husband or at least liked the leg pics

and chellies: we gang up on nacho and the guy who spit on kai next friday at 5 pm behind stan-ford bwidge, tuchi just rage texted me he’s joining with his shoe

we’re waiting for u nacho <3

🌸 in the meantime 🌸

i wish kai a very champion of europe and i hope all your donkey farm dreams come true, thank you for blessing us with your saintishly sinful handsomeness, our curly prince beloved, our 2-in-1 men’s shampoo, the only cheek gills gemini we can accept, i love you twinkus maximus you’re one of a kind 🐟💙

#kai havertz #fc chelsea #germany nt #football #german nt #long post #football intro #kai havertz memes #germany nt memes #football memes #julian brandt #bravertz #timo werner #thomas tuchel #romelu lukaku #sophia weber #bayer leverkusen #borussia dortmund #humor

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wizkiddx · 3 years

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heyheyhey idk if u do req but love your dad tom stuff! PLZ PLZ do tom helping his kids with homework but cant do it and reader has to help and its all fluffy 😩💕

ye im down to do req and this had me going completely ott cos its v cute (and a lot less angsty than what ive written recently aha) so apologies for my ramblings:

Summary: tom has the kids for a day and maths homework throws a spanner in the works - tomhollandxreader

implied smut + v slight reference to porn but basically just fluff I promise xox

\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////

Tom had dealt with a lot of whining today. Nova and Leo were the absolute joys of his life, there was no doubt about it. Of course, he also loved you a hell of a lot too - sometimes to his detriment though, hence the position he was in now.

You’d had a busy week at work and he had been away for the first half of it - leaving you as an almost single mother to a 5 and a 7 year old. So completely fairly, you’d asked if he wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a the day on Sunday, allowing you to go to a friends baby shower. There was no answer but to agree, Tom loved quality time with the kids and he wanted you to kick back and relax with you friends too.

However the afternoon had not been nearly as idealistic as it were supposed to be in his head. You had left him only one real job (apart from the unavoidable essentials of keeping the kids alive with food and water, something you’d hope he need not be reminded about now). Really it shouldn’t of been that hard, it was just each kid had two pieces of homework. After convincing and cajoling the kids into sitting at the table which he’d already set up with Nova’s ‘Liverpool FC’ and Leo’s ‘captain marvels’ pencil case, the English was easy.

In fact 5 year old Leo took great joy out of writing a poem with his Dad, which basically involved trying to rhyme any word with another - especially when he tried to convince Tom that all his completely fictitious words were real and worked together. A personal favourite had been ‘snakes’ and ‘palakes’ which Leo was convinced meant pancakes - arguing so vehemently Tom almost started to doubt himself on basic English.

Thankfully though his eldest and most sensibly child eventually took him out his misery. If anyone had any control over the Holland boys, Leo and Tom - it was the Holland girls. You and Nova had both boys completely under you spell, often taking advantage of the fact too. It was only when Nova got bored of hearing Tom and Leo mock arguing, interspersed with the little boys giggles that Tom tried his absolute hardest to keep a straight face at, that she swooped in.

“Stop being silly Leo, mummy told you he’s not good at school!” She looked oh so innocent, eyes immediately flicking down to continue the little short story she was happily going on with. In response Tom scowled, knowing your highly curious and intelligent daughter had asked you (for one reason or another) why he was not so academic. Yet instead of Leo bursting out laughing, instead he just nodded and accepted it too - making Tom scowl even more. Not even Leo thought it was a joke.

So apart from his children apparently taking pity on his simple mind, it was all going smoothly. Perhaps, due to the thankful fact your children had inherited their brains from their mother - something Tom was forever thankful for, until he was shamed for his substandard intellect in the family. Then again though, he was Spiderman. So take that.

Until Nova brought out her maths sheet. Then the afternoon quickly descended into chaos. It was fractions, something she hadn’t quite grasped from school yet - a concept that still hurt her head somewhat. Normally though it’d be fine, she’d bring the sheet to you and the two of you used ‘ girl power’ to figure it out… you prior experience as a tutor while in uni helping you know how to break through to her.

Unfortunately Tom didn’t share this same experience. Nor did Tom share a maths qualification… something that had evaded him completely during his schooling career. Of course, it had never been a particular issue, acting didn’t require the use of maths and algebra and Tom was in a very lucky position of being able to pay someone to manage his finances from a very young age. So no, dividing 2/3 and 3/7 didn’t come the most naturally to him. Or at all to be quite honest.

“I CANT DO IT AND GRACE IN MY CLASS COULD!” For context, Grace was one of her school friends, who forever liked to compare herself to the young Holland - especially because she was normally ahead. Nova had gone from quiet frustration, staring at the questions with her tongue sticking out slightly, to one of pure rage - yelling at her dad with tears in her eyes. Nova was normally incredibly intuitive, she always found it difficult when she couldn’t do something. Now, with a ‘teacher’ who was more useless than her - the frustrations inevitably bubbled over.

“Hey, we can work it out, just calm-“

“YOU CANT DO IT EITHER YOUR STUPID “ She was just young and frustrated, Tom tried not to take it personally but … it wasn’t always easy. Chiefly because this was the height of offensive statement Nova knew - this was her version of adult explicit language.

“Nova you can’t be rude.” He used his stern voice, something Tom very rarely used with his little girl. Though he never wanted to upset her, neither did he want her to think it was ever okay to be so rude to anyone like that- no matter how crappy at maths they were. It hurt him to do so but it was necessary - life lessons about the importance of being kind needed to be learnt. And it worked… if what Tom was aiming for was his beautiful baby girl’s eyes to brim with sparkling tears, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

Instantly Tom’s eyebrows drooped, trying to fight his natural reaction to scoop her onto his knee and reassure her everything was okay. But as you had lectured him many a time before, he had to put his foot down once in a while. So instead, the father and daughter were locked in a silence and intense eye contact, until Nova hesitantly began to speak.

“I’m sorry Daddy.” During which, Nova shoved her chair back, making it screech against the tiled floors uglily before running off up the stairs. Tom knew she was crying a lot. Knew this was going to take a bit of fixing.

With a sigh of his daughters name, Tom popped his head into the living to check on Leo who had already finished all his stuff. Seeing him completely zombified in front of ‘paw patrol’ on TV, Tom trudged up the stairs. He knew where she was, when Nova was upset she always hid in the corner of her wardrobe and cried in the darkness. So after steadying himself with a little internal monologue of how to approach the situation Tom walked in and sat down beside the wardrobe - knocking on the door slightly.

“Nova… can we talk please?” All he heard was sniffing echoing from the wooden chamber until she tried to shout through the door.

“Go-go… go away daddy.” It broke his heart, the way her voice wavered, making Tom pout - gently letting his head fall against the wardrobe doors.

“I don’t want you to be upset beautiful…. And you did apologise which I appreciate. You know why Daddy got angry right?” Her sniffles heightened before she muttered a quiet ‘yes’. “And you are sorry? Because that might’ve made me really sad too.”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that’s good and we don’t need to cry. You want a cuddle little one?” Before Tom could even properly get up the door was being pushed open by her little hands, revealing a tear stained face and big glassy eyes looking up at her Dad. Swiftly Tom scooped her up and out of the cupboard, whispering to her while she buried her face in his chest.

“Oh come here my little bean.”

//////////////////////

When you came home late that evening, only mildly exhausted from spending the whole day gossiping with your girls, it was weirdly quiet. All the lights were out in the front room, which made you close the door gently, thinking Tom had managed to exhaust the kids - and himself in the process. With a relieved sigh at the peace you pattered into the kitchen to get yourself a drink (it had been a little concern that Tom would’ve worked the kids into a hyperactive and delerious state that kept them up long past bedtime - which ultimately you’d have to deal with). The house was remarkably silent and though it was clear from the littered toys everywhere that it had indeed been Tom alone in charge, everything seemed pretty okay.

It was only as you were about to head upstairs to join your hubby in bed that you realised the study light was still on, streaming through the small crack in the doorframe. Assuming Tom had just neglected to turn it off, in otherwords Tom being Tom, you nudged it open with your hand. Surprisingly though, there was your husband, hunched over the desk, looking almost angrily focused - between the computer screen and a piece of paper below him. Normally you would’ve just assumed it was another script sent over or an edit Harry had sent of another screenplay they were writing together.

But no, the blatant red flag was the screen that you could see. A screen on YouTube, of a man pointing at a whiteboard of fractions.

So with a soft wrist you wrapped your knuckled on the side of the door, even if you had technically already entered the room. The reaction had you stifling a laugh, it was as if you’d caught him watching something *less PG* the way he jumped out his seat, closing the browser immediately.

“Love!! I -er … didn’t know you’d got back?”

“I just did.” You smiled gently, while walking into stand behind his chair, wrapping your arms round his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Soooo…. what’ca doingggg” The glee in your voice was evident, making Tom groan and shut his eyes.

“I hate you, you know that right?”

“No you don’t… but you were watching a primary school video on fractions, if I’m not so mistaken?” He sighed deeply, making a point of turning the paper with his scribbles over to obscure it.

“Nova’s homework.. she couldn’t do it and neither could I, so then she basically screamed at me for being thick and udseless and then had a breakdown.”

Now you felt guilty. This was a bit of a sore spot with Tom, he always for some reason felt inferior because of his academic ability. Which was stupid- mainly because he was the most clever and talented man you’d ever met. Just…. Just not at fraction.

“Oh T… you could’ve just left it for me to do with her, I don’t mind.”

“That’s not the point Y/n.” He snapped a little, shrugging your arms off him and spinning in the chair so he could face you. “She’s my daughter and I should be able to help her! It’s not like it’s that hard, it’s just I’m unbelievable thick.”

“Tom stop. Look - you can do this I assure you, it’s just been a long old time ‘kay? Your rusty and that’s only natural.”

“I really don’t think I could ev-“

“Can I teach you? It’s just the method and then I promise you’ll get it.”

It took a bit of persuasion but eventually Tom agreed, letting you pull the corner chair forward to beside his desk so you could demonstrate it to him. To be fair, he really could do it- just a bit of familiarising on the ‘stick-change-flip’ method. The way the lightbulb moment literally caused his face to light up; scurrying to do the question for himself, tongue sticking out in the process; then presenting it to you proudly - well it had you melting in your seat.

“See! That took all of 5 minutes and you got it.” You elbowed his side by leaning forward in the chair, which instead of letting go, Tom reached and caught, before pulling you up and round. You landed with you bum perched on the edge of the mahogany desk, Tom now stood up- his legs in-between your parted thighs - your feet hooking round the back of knees.

“It’s all down to my incredibly talented teacher.”

“No…. No I really don’t think it is” You mused with a soft voice, fingers instinctively going to the nape of his neck - twirling the little curls round your fingertips.

“Well even so… I think I could teach you a thing or two too.” Never one to mull on anything, Tom’s tone had immediately switched to something a lot more… mischievous.

“Not even going to ask about my day? Wheres the chat mr smooth?” He had to repress the grin at your smirk because as much as you infuriated the hell out of him - you also had this weird ability of making him feel so entranced and helpless. He relented with a sarcastic chime.

“Fine, how was your day love.”

“Good…. but I have a feeling you’re about to make it a whole lot better.”

That was all the signals he needed to lean forward, in doing so forcing you back until your back landed completely on the cool wood. His lips feathered yours, both hands pinned either side of your head.

“Oh darling… you have no idea.”

#tom holland #tomholland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #fluff #Tom Holland angst

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