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#but i hope youre doing okay too!!!
ihatetiktoks · 1 year
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idk if you remember but some time ago we were talking about kiri accidentally suffocating/rolling on top of you in bed and keeping you hidden until like,,,in the morning denki walks in like 👁👄👁 where’s yn 👁👄👁 and kiri uncovers you like a blanket then (not sure if it was ihb or tli but either way it’s forever stuck in my brain)
anyways this reminded me of that LOL:
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFpgyNan/
it makes me think of like…say the boys wanna hang out with you while you’re with kiri and keep interrupting your time together or keep hogging you so your full attention isn’t on him and he gets pouty so he tries to hide u with his body LMAO it sounds dumb but it’s so funny to me I wanted to share with you
(also hi cato!! I hope you’re doing okay!! ily <3)
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anon🥺... i do remember that post!!! and i would try to find it again if it weren't so far back probably. i think it must've been one of the original smotherer!kiri posts on ihb :')) (even tho we do talk about it a lot now on tli too hehe)
bhjkjakjdhfa i'm yelling tho... typical case of "becoming friends w/ your boyfriend's friends..." like kiri knew they wouldn't HATE you but... he didn't expect them to like you so much that they'd bother you every. single. time. you came over. asking to sit and have breakfast with them, play video games, give advice... LMAOOOO it's no wonder they're always barging in on you both in his room!!
but i agree he gets pouty! denki or sero or even bakugo busting into the room when you're cuggling bc they literally saw u come over last night and know u haven't left... but not seeing u anywhere and going:
"...kiri... where's y/n?🤨"
and he's just like "hmmmm idk" trying to be so serious WHIL E YOU'RE FUCKING GIGGLING UNDER THE COVERS DJFADJKF
(or even like... when you're out in the living room, throwing a blanket over u when he can hear the boys outside abt to open the front door, playing games w/ them you have to be wrapped up on his lap, EATING DINNER and someone comes in the kitchen and he's holding up a napkin so you can't make eye contact lmaoooo screaming... YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!!)
really no surprise when kiri finally takes u to the japanese home depot and makes u pick out a new door with a LOCK on it😩😩😩 but... hard not to love that big puppy anyway🥰
...thank you sm for sharing anon!!! hopefully u don't mind my additions WEEEE i just loved this a! lot! also i'm kinda laughing bc just today i saw this tik tok too and was thinking about kiri too LMAOOO (texting those pics to bakugo and making him smack him to free u lololol)... it's like u read my mind❤️
(and hi back to u too mwah<3)
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inkskinned · 1 year
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now#writeblr#you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like#u don't HATE their partner explicitly#but ur like. what the fuck y'all#like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic#and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like#frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it#or ... that it really IS good#and it's just odd to you#tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship#like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend#it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time#around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like#.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think#but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something#but knowing you CANNOT#idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person#edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up#PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every#type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''
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catastrxblues · 22 days
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EVERMORE by taylor swift (feat. bon iver) — “and i was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. and i couldn’t be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”
my #swiftiegiftexchange2024 for @lovesickallovermybed!!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽
#HIII HII HII how are you <3333 SO sorry for being slightly to the party but HII#i saw that you are currently recovering from surgery and i‘m wishing you all the best and =a faster recovery 💗💗 i hope you’re okay and#are feeling and getting much better every day 💗💗💗#i’m your anon swiftie and it was really nice to get to know you!! 🫶🏽 you’re super super talented and your gifs are so so STUNNING#it was such an honor to be your anon for this event and i had such a fun time making this !#i was SO excited when i saw that some of your favorite ts songs are evermore and idsb. really really sorry i didn’t have the time to make#something for both because my laptop went dead for sometime and i ended up only having the time to make this 😭#evermore the song is something i hold and cherish deeply in my heart too and it was something that has seen some of the worst of my days#and so i decided to do this song for your gift instead!#i can’t really gif much and couldn’t even try#because my laptop in which i had installed ps in went rip so i decided to make you this#(slightly messy sorryy) scrapbook of my view of the song! i tried to incorporate some of the descriptive lyrics and the objects mentioned i#the song and i hope you like it 😁!#and because i think evermore is also something that IS meant to be incredibly personal to the people that listen to it#i decided to include some photos (+added highlights on every lyric that has ever touched me which is almost everything as you can see 😭)#of some of my journal pages on which i rewrote the entire lyrics (except bon iver’s addition 😅) in ‘21 when the song meant to me the most!#i hope you're having a great dayy love 🫶🏽🫶🏽#SwiftieGiftExchange2024#taylor swift#tswiftedit#evermore#*my edits#nadine.mp3
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tanglepelt · 7 months
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Dc x dp idea 122
Danny is a Kryptonian. Not by birth. But by the realm.
The infinite realm is infinite, time is connected to it at all times in different spots. When a world is destroyed or a species goes extinct the realm is effected.
When kyrpton exploded. Time moved on the earthly realm of course. However a natural portal had opened. One that only opened in the realm at the same moment the Fenton portal opened for the first time.
Danny wasn’t just blasted by pure ectoplasm from the realm, but of the very essence of kyrpton itself. Altering Danny’s DNA even more. Infusing kyrptonian DNA into him as well as him becoming half ghost.
Danny has no clue. He assumes it’s all ghost powers. So did frostbite. What happened to him was unknown and entirely new. Besides had frostbite ever truly looked at normal human DNA before.
Danny’s first experience with kryptonite is when lex Luther showed up to “fund” fentonWorks. The anti-ecto weaponry worked surprisingly well on the supers. And he couldn’t just get into the Fenton computers without a green virus shutting him down.
Lex is intrigued. Does his digging on this “human” boy only to find he was adopted as a baby. Through less then legal methods.
Ellie on the other hand feels the effects in front of Conner. She was very confused just as he was.
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tianhai03 · 2 months
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hi i havent drawn in almost 2 weeks. have a summer vibe ichiban🏖️
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orykorioart · 8 months
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TAZ Sapphic Week Day 5: Haunted
Couldn’t finish what I originally scheduled for day 5 (so itll have to be pushed back), but I still wanted to have something. So let’s have a quick experimental Lureen (if that is the ship name?) angst! Because that little scene in the GN really got me 😔✌️.
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!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]
REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#cw flashing lights#LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!!#RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!!#BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!!#MAYBE SOMEDAY.....#ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww.#i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!!#i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness#LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!!#better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT?#U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!!#im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it#BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS#WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!!#GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY.#OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON#PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!!#ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!!#IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that.#ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.
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cayennecrush · 2 months
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hey friends! 🤗 out of curiosity, where else are you online?
(don't worry, im not leaving! just wanna know what alternatives people are trying)
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medi-bee · 11 months
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we deserved to see more of them together
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tragicallystraight · 7 months
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I'm not gonna lie, asides for Mackenyu (like basically every other person), my reason for wanting the opla to blow up was for more fanfiction because I'm to busy with Uni now to write. But, damn... where are the good fics at. I'm crying, im going to start writing again because if you want something, then you gotta do it yourself... but like I'm also lazy.
I just wanted to read some zolu fics before and during exam season (which is starting in a weekish). Now I'm gonna write them myself just to read them 😔
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b0red-b1rds · 7 months
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Okay but idea for SAGAU for something silly that just happened
so i was like playing with my sister right??? And she's like 4 and i thought genshin was like mostly PG so i decided to play with her because my mom always ask me to spend more time with her so we can bond and be more united, and i love my mom so i said yeah sure and i just finished the liyue Archon quest yesterday so i was doing that an involuntary sacrifice quest thing no? So we just go into the domain all happy go lucky when KABOOM the upside down venti statue and the dead treasure hoarder, i audibly gasp and my sibling runs away crying and now me and my mum are laughing while she combs my hair, so i thought it would be funny if this was a sagau scenario and you're the first sagau writing blog i scrolled by so i wanted to know ur take on it XOXO
Anon this is absolutely hilarious but I feel so bad for your sibling-
Hilarious happenstance aside, this kind of thing would be rather interesting for SAGAU! Depending on whether or not this is a regular SAGAU with an adult Creator, or if we take my Godling AU and use that, it could give some pretty interesting results.
With a fully grown - or even just a teenaged - Creator, the emotional impact would be jarring and disturbing, but they would have the maturity and knowledge necessary to help with the situation. BUT, if we want to go the heartbreaking route...
Imagine, if you will, a little Godling Creator, eagerly following along behind the Traveler and Paimon. Still very young, baby fat still rounding out their cheeks, but still so excited to finally adventure with one of their favorite people. They hold onto the Traveler's hand the whole time at their insistence. While the Traveler has a bad feeling about all of this, they can't exactly say "no" to the Creator Incarnate...
They regret bringing such a little kid with them. The terror in their wide eyes as they stare at the defiled statue is a look that will haunt the star-traveling being for the rest of their life. And, oh, how their sweet little voice shakes as they cling to their guardian, innocent eyes filling with tears as they mumble,
"What wrong with that 'batos...?"
The Traveler is quick to scoop the baby god into their arms, hurrying away from the statue and the corpse knelt before it. They duck and weave through the bubble traps, doing their best to console the godling all the while.
Things only go from bad to worse after that...
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ghosttotheparty · 1 year
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with every beat of my heart
also on ao3 cw: grief, death of a parent, past child abuse, panic attack
Steve isn't in bed when Eddie wakes up.
That's what wakes him up in the first place. The lack of Steve's warmth, the way the mattress isn't dipping under his weight and dragging Eddie closer to him the way it usually does. It's still dark when Eddie blinks his eyes open, and he slides a hand out over the mattress, feeling the blankets that have been tossed back and set over Eddie's body. It's cold. Eddie pushes himself up, listening closely for the creaky floorboards in the hallway of their apartment, for any indication that Steve just went to the bathroom, went for some water or painkillers, but the apartment is silent.
Eddie sits up, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. His whole body aches the way it always does when he wakes up, but he pushes himself to his feet anyway, untangling from the blankets in the dark and tossing them back to the bed.
He creeps down the hall, squinting in the dark until he looks around the corner to see the kitchen light shining under the crooked door.
"Stevie?" he says weakly, his voice rough as he pushes the door open.
Steve is sitting at the dining table, his arms crossed on it in front of him. He's staring at the tablecloth like it's speaking to him, and he doesn't look up until Eddie says his name again. He blinks, his eyes raising up to look at Eddie blankly.
"Hey," he says, like it's perfectly normal for him to be here at two in the morning.
"What's going on?" Eddie asks, blinking his eyes in the bright light of the kitchen. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Steve breathes. "Fine."
"Steve." He goes to stand next to Steve so Steve is looking up at him, and he pushes a hand through Steve's tangled hair. It's longer now, unkempt and beautiful. Steve blinks up at him, exhaling. "What happened? You have a nightmare?"
"No," Steve says softly. "My mom called."
Eddie blinks, fully awake. She's not supposed to have their number. Steve went zero contact with his parents when they moved out of Hawkins.
"How did she..."
"Joyce gave it to her."
Eddie blinks again. Joyce knows all about Steve's parents. She wouldn't do that without a good fucking reason.
"What did she have to say?" Eddie asks softly, pulling a chair over and sitting down in front of Steve. The chairs are mismatched. All of them are. From garage sales and second-hand stores.
Steve stares at him for another few moments, his eyes almost empty. Absent. A pit grows in Eddie's stomach. Steve isn't even moving. He's usually fidgeting with something, tapping his fingers, bouncing his knee, rubbing the fabric of his shirt, rocking back and forth. Especially when Eddie made it very clear when they moved in together that it was all fine. None of it is annoying, or childish, or weird. Eddie waits while Steve stares at him, wanting to reach out and touch him, to hold his hand or his cheek, but the pit in Eddie's stomach says that's not what Steve needs right now.
"My dad's dead," Steve says finally, blinking. His eyes clear up a little bit, finally looking at Eddie instead of through him.
Eddie blinks, straightening.
"Oh."
He doesn't know what to say.
He doesn't know what there is he could say.
"He had a heart attack last night," Steve continues, possibly picking up on Eddie's speechlessness. "He didn't make it." He cracks an odd smile, tilting his head, but it fades just as quickly as it appeared. "Guess all that anger finally caught up with him."
Eddie feels sick. Like he has a fever. Too hot, almost shivering.
"How do you feel?" he asks softly.
"Mom's having a hard time," Steve says, like he's ignoring the question, but Eddie knows it just didn't register. He's not really hearing Eddie right now. "She was crying on the phone, I-- I didn't really know what to say? I said he's in a better place, but that feels so shallow, I mean--"
"Baby," Eddie interrupts. Steve shuts up, looking at him with wide eyes like he's in trouble, so Eddie finally reaches a hand out, holding it open and waiting. Steve looks at his hand like it's foreign for a moment before he slides his hand into it. He's shaking. "How do you feel?" Eddie asks again, slower.
"I..." Steve takes a deep breath, blinking at their hands, at the bands around their ring fingers they bought the day they left Hawkins. Not legal wedding rings, but neither of them has ever really cared about the law. "I don't know."
"Do you wanna go through it or around it?" Eddie asks gently. It's the same question they ask each other whenever they have nightmares or flashbacks or just generally hard days. Always a quicker way to other questions.Do you wanna tell me about it or go back to sleep? Do you wanna describe what happened or watch a movie? Do you wanna talk about it or have sex? Do you wanna cry for a while or go for a drive? But they always go through it eventually, even if they go around it first.
"I don't know," Steve breathes, his eyes suddenly glistening as he stares through the floor. "I don't know, I don't-- I don't know."
"You want me to decide?"
Steve looks into his eyes, looking scared and small and desperate. He nods. Eddie squeezes his hand and takes a deep breath.
"Let's go through it," he says softly, listening to the way Steve's voice stutters in his throat. Eddie nods encouragingly, squeezing again. "'S okay, I'm right here," he murmurs. "We'll go through it together, okay?"
"Okay," Steve says.
"Tell me what you're feeling."
Steve takes another breath.
"...Confused."
"Why?"
Steve licks his lips, looking at their hands, and his face hardens after a moment as he bites his lip, and his lip quivers, and Eddie can tell that he's aching to go around it instead. But Steve looks up into Eddie's eyes, and Eddie gives him a nod. You got it. Whatever it is you're feeling, it's okay. And Steve goes through it.
"That man," he says slowly. "Was a piece... of fucking shit."
Eddie almost smiles. He nods.
"He..." Steve takes a deep breath. Eddie squeezes his hand. "He made me fucking miserable. Every fucking day." His voice is firm, unwavering. "He made my life a living hell. And I don't..." He shakes his head like he's speechless, like he's in disbelief, and then his eyebrows furrow as his eyes fill with tears, but he squeezes them shut so the tears all fall down his cheeks, and he steadies himself. "I used to--" His voice breaks, and he chokes on it, pausing to swallow. "I used to lay in bed at night," he says, his voice softer. "And... And wish he'd fucking die. I would wish he'd have a heart attack, or-- or get in a car accident, or be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and it's so fucking shitty, but I--" He cuts off with a scoff, his expression lightening. "Every birthday wish, every eleven-eleven, every goddamn ladybug that landed on me in the summertime. I wished he'd die. I wished he'd be one of those shitty dads that just up and left his family for no good reason."
Eddie listens intently, his eyes burning, holding Steve's hand tightly.
"The only time I ever prayed," Steve says quietly, "to a god I never even believed in, it was to ask God to make my dad fuck off the face of the earth." He laughs again, dryly, weakly, shaking his head. "And now..." He swallows again. "Now, fucking what?" He looks up again, at Eddie, but he's looking through him again. Eddie nods anyway, listening. "Now I turn twenty-four, and I'm long fucking gone and he just... Now he dies." His lip is quivering, his eyes gleaming with tears. "That's not fair," he whispers.
Eddie shakes his head in agreement, because it's not fucking fair. It's not fucking fair that Steve lived in that goddamn house in fear for his whole life, his whole childhood, surviving instead of living, and only now, when he has a home, is it safe to go back.
"And that's--" Steve chokes. "That's cruel, and shitty of me to say, but I-- I don't care."
"'S not shitty, Steve," Eddie says, squeezing his hand.
"It is," Steve argues weakly. "But I don't care. He... He hurt me. For years," he says, and he's crying now, tears falling down his face that Eddie wipes away with every ounce of care he can. "And now he's dead, and I never got to tell him to his face how much he hurt me. Or how much he scared me, and I never got to tell him that I'm not scared of him anymore. Because he--" He swallows, blinking tears out of his eyes, emphasizing with a movement of the hand that Eddie isn't holding, like he doesn't want to let go of Eddie's. "Because he was nothing," Steve chokes, "but a fucking coward that put his hands on a child, and that really wasn't fair."
Eddie nods, pride glowing in his chest because Steve is getting it. He's getting everything that Eddie's tried to tell him for years, every time he's woken up from nightmares about coming home late to find his father waiting to interrogate him, about breaking a glass dish as a child because the counters were too high.
"But he-- I'm so angry," Steve says, the last word breaking on its way out, too breathy and soft. "Because why now?" A tear falls from Eddie's eye, and even in his anger and confusion, Steve wipes it away gently, almost mindlessly. "I'm twenty fucking four, and he-- he dies now. Why not-- Why not when I was eight? Or-- Or twelve? Or fifteen? Why not when I needed it to happen? Why not when I prayed for it to happen? It's not fucking fair."
"No," Eddie chokes. "'S not fair, Stevie."
"I'm so angry," Steve says, crying, gasping for breath, his hand trembling as it grips Eddie's. "I'm so angry, Eddie, I don't-- It's like there's no space in me for anything else."
Eddie lifts his hand and kisses it softly, because he can't find any words right now.
"Is this grief?" Steve wonders out loud, his eyes wandering to the floor, tracing the tiles desperately like they'll lead to an answer. "Do you have to love someone to grieve them?"
Eddie's chest aches. He wants to go around it. He doesn't want to go through it anymore.
"Because I have never loved him," Steve says almost thoughtfully, passionately. "But I..." He's still looking at the floor, and a part of Eddie wonders if Steve remembers that he's even here. If he's even still speaking to Eddie, or if he's just thinking out loud. "But if something happened to you," Steve says, answering Eddie's silent question, "or-- or Robbie, or Dustin, or..." He shakes his head, shrugging weakly. "I would be... on the floor. Screaming-- I-- I don't think I could handle it, I would be so... so angry." He looks up into Eddie's eyes. "At the fucking universe, at God, at everything that could possibly be responsible for it, but with him," Steve says. His head tilts forward, and his eyes widen. "I'm angry at him. It's like he died out of fucking spite. Like he knew, like he fucking waited. And that's not fair."
He's quiet for a moment before,
"Is it my fault?"
Eddie blinks a tear out of his eye, squeezing his hand tightly.
"Did he die because I left?" Steve asks. "Was it too much for him? Did he..."
"Steve," Eddie says firmly, prompting Steve to look into his eyes, and Eddie leans forward, speaking slowly, deliberately, firmly, leaving no room for argument. "This is not your fault. Nothing he ever did to you was your fault. You understand me?"
Steve's lip quivers, and tears spill from his eyes.
"I'm so angry, Eddie," he whispers brokenly, and Eddie nods.
"I know, honey," he says, and he stands, pulling at Steve's shoulders until Steve wraps his arms around Eddie's hips tightly, burying his face in Eddie's belly. Eddie pushes his fingers into his hair, tugging it firmly the way he likes, and he looks up at the cracked paint on the ceiling when Steve's shoulders shake as he cries. "You haven't done anything wrong," he says gently, his voice wavering. "There's nothing wrong with you."
"I'm so angry," Steve sobs into his shirt, and Eddie can barely understand him. He nods even though Steve can't see him, pulling his hair again, sliding a hand down to his upper back firmly. "I'm so angry."
"You can be angry," Eddie says softly.
The sun is rising by the time Steve stops crying. Eddie is tired from standing, but he'd stay here for days for him. Steve leaves his face buried in Eddie's belly for a little while as he catches his breath, and Eddie combs through his hair softly, holding him, loving him. When Steve finally pulls away, his eyes are wide.
"My heart," he says breathlessly. Eddie's stomach falls, and he lowers himself to kneel on the floor in front of Steve. "'S beating too-- 'S beating too fast."
"You're okay," Eddie says softly, taking Steve's hand. It's shaking almost violently, and Eddie holds it tightly. "You're okay."
"Heart attack," Steve says, his chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes flicking back and forth between Eddie's. "I'm--"
"You're not having a heart attack," Eddie says calmly, leaning close to look into his eyes, squeezing his hand before he holds it to his own chest. "You're having a panic attack. You're okay."
"Eddie, I'm-- I'm gonna die," Steve chokes, his voice slurred with panic, his words muddled together. Eddie blinks tears back, staying calm for him, and he shakes his head.
"You're not dying, my love," he says slowly. He reaches a hand up and pushes his fingers into Steve's hair, pulling it gently. "Take a deep breath for me."
Steve tries, but he's hyperventilating, his eyes wide and crying, looking desperately at Eddie, who nods, taking a deep breath himself, exaggerating the rise and fall of his chest, holding Steve's hand to it.
"You're okay," Eddie says. "Your heart is okay."
"'M angry," Steve says weakly, breathlessly.
"You can be angry," Eddie says calmly. "Your heart is okay, even if you're angry." He takes another breath, and Steve follows along, even though his breath catches and stutters and he gasps as Eddie is still exhaling. "You're not your father, Steve," Eddie says softly. "You're nothing like him."
"Eddie," Steve whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut, pressing his hand against Eddie's chest harder, his other hand gripping Eddie's forearm. "Please."
"I'm right here, baby," Eddie murmurs. "Take a deep breath for me."
Steve tries again.
"There you go," Eddie whispers. "You're okay."
"'M okay," Steve mumbles weakly.
"That's right, Stevie, you're okay. Deep breath, all the way in, all the way out."
Steve tries again.
And again.
And again.
Steve falls against Eddie when he finally gets a clear breath, like the exhale deflates him, and Eddie wraps his arms around him tightly. He's trembling, like he's freezing.
"I love you so much," Eddie murmurs in his ear. "You did so good, baby."
Steve whimpers. He's crying again. Eddie combs through his hair and keeps murmuring to him softly.
When he stops crying, Eddie carefully shifts to hold his head between his hands, and he presses kisses across his face, even though his skin is covered with tears, and his nose is running. He kisses over his forehead, and the bridge of his nose, and his cheeks, and his eyelids, and his lips, and his chin, and across his jaw and down his neck, all the while whispering to him.
I love you so much, Stevie. You did such a good job. You're okay, sweetheart.
When Steve opens his eyes, there's a soft sort of absence in them that only gets there after particularly bad nightmares. (The ones where Eddie doesn't make it.) Eddie lowers back to the floor, looking up into his eyes, and he runs his thumbs over his cheeks softly. Steve squeezes his wrist weakly, exhausted.
Eddie gets him a glass of water and stands next to him as he sips it slowly, running his hands through his hair, closing his eyes when Steve leans against him. It takes a while for Steve to finish it, but Eddie waits patiently, knowing the glass is heavy in his hand, knowing Steve wants to disappear right now. When he finishes the water, Eddie sits back in the chair in front of him, holding both his hands tightly. Steve is slouching over, looking at their hands. Eddie squeezes.
"Stevie," he whispers.
"Yeah," Steve breathes.
"Look at me for a minute."
Steve's eyes raise to his. They're glassy, shining brightly, and Eddie's chest hurts.
"It's okay to be angry," he says softly, intentionally and carefully. "And it's okay to cry. And there's nothing wrong with anything you're feeling. You understand me?"
"I don't wanna be angry," Steve says weakly, his voice small. "'M tired of being angry. I don't wanna turn into him."
"Steve," Eddie whispers. "You are nothing like him." He reaches a hand to Steve's chest and holds it there. "You have... the purest heart out of anyone I know," he says gently. "You would never do any of the things he did to you."
"I know," Steve breathes, but he doesn't seem to believe him.
"Do you trust me?" Eddie asks. Steve nods without hesitation. "Will you believe what I tell you?"
Steve stares into his eyes, now clutching Eddie's hand in both of his.
"...Okay."
"You have a beautiful soul," Eddie whispers. "And I trust you," he adds, raising his eyebrows, watching Steve's lips curve into the smallest smile Eddie's ever seen. The morning sunlight is shining on him now. He looks like an angel, his messy hair glowing in a golden halo. "You are a good, good man," Eddie says softly. "And I will remind you as many times as you need, I will remind you with every fucking beat of my heart, that you are a good man."
Steve's lip quivers again, and he closes his eyes like he's absorbing the words. A tear slides down his cheek. Eddie wipes it away tenderly.
"I love you so fucking much, Stevie."
"I love you too," Steve gasps, taking a hiccuping breath, but he exhales smoothly, blowing the air out so it blows Eddie's hair.
"Let's go to bed," Eddie murmurs.
"Okay."
Eddie leads him down the creaky hallway, holding his hand, after pouring him more water to drink. Steve gets in bed while Eddie pulls the curtains together more to block the sunlight, and then he crawls into bed too, already holding his arms out for Steve to lie in. He closes his eyes, pressing his face into Steve's hair, running his fingers through it when he feels him crying again.
He doesn't drift off until he knows Steve is asleep, when Steve is heavy against him, relaxed and breathing evenly, slowly.
Instead of going to the funeral, which his mother calls about the next week, Steve stays home with Eddie and watches a movie. Steve starts to cry halfway through it, wracked by guilt and fear and anger, and Eddie just wraps an arm around him silently, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Steve smiles the next day, light on his feet and bright in a way Eddie's never seen, and through all the years Eddie's known Steve, he's known about his father, but he realises after the funeral is done with that he never really knew the extent of it. Because after the funeral is done, Steve never has to worry about anything to do with his father again. And his eyes shine brightly, and Eddie thinks there might be a whole galaxy behind him that Eddie still hasn't explored.
Steve still gets angry sometimes, but that's okay. Because his father's face is fading from his memory, and his mother never calls him again. And Eddie reminds him as often as he can that he loves him, that he trusts him, that he's pure and beautiful and has a heart of gold. That he's okay, that he's good.
After his father dies, Steve never dreams about him again.
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uncanny-tranny · 11 months
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It's actually kind of heartbreaking how many people feel their life has ended right after high school or college, and honestly, the heavy romanticization of that period of time is so overwhelmingly predominant that it can be hard to avoid. It's insidious to constantly be told that ages 10-24 are the only worthwhile parts of life, that everything after is essentially meaningless and dull.
It's hard not to look around you and think that your life still is open and full of potential when you're told over and over again that the rose-tinted childhood is the last time you were alive. It's hard to realize that your life isn't over when you walk off the stage of your graduation.
We must realize that we will always be full of potentials. Your life won't be over until you take your final breath, and then? That's simply another chapter in your story, one of many. Let yourself realize that you're alive in the here and now. There will be good and bad, but never a complete loss of potential or hope.
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dirtydoctorwho · 4 months
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Secret Santa for @ethvn-torchio
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awakenthebeing · 1 year
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i had a pretty rough time these holidays. how would piepoe comfort? (im ok dont worry <3)
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thejadecount · 2 years
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2012 and Rise TMNT Crossover Masterpost
I love it how in most crossover fanfics with one or the other iterations of the TMNT and ROTTMNT the main cause of the whole ‘crossing universes’ usually almost always leads back to Rise Donnie messing with portal/Multiverse technology.
Because admit it if anyone could and would break the Multiverse it would be Rise Donnie.
Like whenever I come across a new fic I can just imagine him turning on a gigantic machine that’s glowing and sparking and all his brothers terrified behind him while he’s just:
“IT’S EITHER I BREAK SCIENCE OR SCIENCE BREAKS ME, AND DAD DIDN’T RAISE A LITTLE BITCH!”
And then he just screws everyone over and breaks the multiverse.
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