#but i think they did get tired of me at some point

[farfromharry]

Summary: Lando finally wins a race and learns all he needed was a good luck charm

Lando Norris x Reader

w/c 933

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It had been a long and tiring journey for Lando in regards to getting his first race win. 5 years in Formula 1, almost 700 points and 15 podiums and he thought it was never going to happen— at least not if Max Verstappen had anything to say about. And then came along you.

At first you were nothing more than a friend of a friend, someone who had suddenly started appearing at group hang outs, who maybe caught his eye once or twice, purely for the fact you were an unfamiliar face. Suddenly you were everything.

It was a party for someone’s birthday when you spoke for the first time. He had come to the bar for another drink, only to be completely ignored by the bartender in favour of some pretty girls down the other end of the bar. You appeared a few moments later, grinning at the racing driver’s clear annoyance. You tapped his shoulder gently to grab his attention, “Watch this.”

All you’d said was excuse me, which he had already tried, and the man came running. You ordered your own drink and urged Lando to do the same. From that point on he was in complete awe of you. It was such a simple action and yet he thought you were completely fascinating. He had found himself so speechless that he didn’t even say anything to stop you from walking away afterwards. Only then did he realise he’d gotten a free drink too.

It felt like the next few weeks of his life were consumed by thoughts of you, until he finally bucked up the courage to start asking around. It all felt pointless until he saw you again at a party he’d thrown in the hopes you would show up. And you did. It seemed his plan was off to a good start.

He tried not to make it obvious that he was looking at you, or for you. He didn’t want to creep you out. In the end it was you that approached him, which took a lot of the fear out of the situation. No longer did he have to find the courage to go up to you— which he was really struggling with.

“I heard you’ve been asking about me?”

His cheeks burned pink. “I, um… yeah, I—“

You laughed. The sound was music to his ears. “It’s okay. I’m honoured, really. A world famous racing driver is interested in me?”

His eyebrows raised. “You know who I am?” The first time you’d properly met you made no indication of such, so he’d just assumed you didn’t know.

“I might have done my own research,” you shrugged. Not a single part of you seemed embarrassed about it though, not like he had. You were owning up to it, you were outwardly telling him he interested you.

And he knew in that very moment, he was completely hooked.

The first race you attended, not only of the year but ever, was the Miami Grand Prix. Lando insisted it was a good atmosphere, unlike a select few that weren’t always the greatest. It was also warm and there were places he could take you after that he thought you would like. You had no hesitations. All you wanted was to see your boyfriend succeed. You didn’t know all that much about the world of motorsport, but you knew Lando hadn’t won before and seeing it in person would surely be something special.

But he had his doubts. He had qualified 2nd, beside Max, for what felt like the thousandth time. He knew exactly how this would play out. But you didn’t feel like letting him get in his head.

“You’re going to win. You’re such a good driver, Lando. Believe in yourself.” He wished he could have taken your words seriously, but he didn’t have it in him to do so. He had already spent 2 years doing his very best just to get stuck behind the world champ anyway. His hope was burning out the more it happened, it was almost ashes at this point. But even if his hope did disappear, you were there to believe in him on his behalf. It was refreshing to have someone think he could win for once.

“I’ll try.”

You frowned. “If you won’t try for you, try for me?”

Apparently that was all the motivation he didn’t realise he needed. He was going to go out there and win it for you. He couldn’t let the first ever race you attended be one that was forgettable.

And when he crossed the line in P1? Everybody went wild.

While waiting for him to get out of the car, you were almost lost in the sea of papaya surrounding the barriers, but there was no way he would let that happen. He threw himself at his team first and as soon as he pulled off his helmet he was throwing his arms around you.

“You did it! You’re a race winner!” you cheered.

“I’m a race winner!” It felt so good to say. He couldn’t stop grinning. “You must be my good luck charm. Gonna have to come to all my races now.”

Your expression was a mirror of his. “If this is how you’re going to perform at every one, count me in.”

So it had taken him 5 years and a whole lot of time, effort and emotion to get him to that top step of the podium, when all along he had been waiting for the final piece of the puzzle to make it happen; you.

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#formula 1 #lando norris #lando norris x reader #formula one #lando norris fluff #lando norris x you #lando norris fic #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you

[engie-ivy]

(Inspired by @wolfstarmicrofic 's Alternative Universes theme! A sort of combined Performer AU and College AU🙂)

1058 words

Sirius Black's emotional break-up songs are topping the charts all over the world. But hearing those songs everywhere he goes, Remus is about to reach his breaking point.

With His Song

Home is where the heart is,

But it's not the concrete, nor the stone,

Not the room you sit in,

But the smile that lights it up.

Not the bed you sleep in,

But the heartbeat besides your own.

Home is where the heart is,

But it's not necessarily a place,

Sometimes, it's tracing the scars on someone's hand,

Sometimes, it's counting the freckles on someone's face.

It's been so long,

Coming home to you,

And did you know,

I could easily move on?

But the truth is,

I just don't want to.

If home is where the heart is,

Then baby, could it be,

That your home is still with me?

Mary lets out a sigh that seems to be coming from somewhere deep inside of her. “My god, I'm going to listen to that song on repeat for the rest of the week,” and after a moment she adds “potentially the rest of my life.”

“Then you're gonna have to get some headphones,” Remus says. “Because I'm already getting sick of hearing it.”

Mary gasps and clutches her chest. “Blasphemy!”

Remus gives her an unimpressed look. “I don't think you're using that word right.”

“‘Irreverence toward something considered sacred or inviolable’,” Mary states unfazed. “So yes, the perfect description of you insulting Sirius Black's music.”

Emmeline nods emphatically.

Remus sighs. “I'm not saying it's a bad song,” he says. “Just that I'm getting tired of hearing it everywhere, all the time.”

Mary opens her mouth to retort, but Emmeline interjects.

“I do sort of relate. It has gotten a painful tinge to hear the song, now that I know I won't be seeing Sirius Black perform it live…”

“You didn't get tickets for his show?” Marlene asks.

“No,” Emmeline sighs miserably. “I'm on the waiting list. Number 329.”

“Not as bad as Hestia. She's number 1550 or something.”

Emmeline shrugs. “In the end, it makes no difference. 329 or 1550, neither one of us is going to the concert. I mean, 329 people will have to die, and I don't reckon I'd be that lucky…”

“Emmeline!” Lily scolds.

“Well, that's the only excuse for not going to a Sirius Black concert, literally being dead,” Mary says. “I'd actually skip my mum’s funeral if I could see him live.”

“Mary!”

“No, no, Lils,” Emmeline says. “You don't know Mary's mum. If Mary were to miss out on seeing Sirius Black for her funeral, she'd actually come back from the death to haunt her.”

Mary nods. “She's a huge fan. Not going to a Sirius Black concert would be disrespecting her memory.” She glances over at Remus. “She might have some things to say as well if she hears that my actual roommate has openly disrespected Sirius Black’s music.”

Remus sticks out his tongue. “Sue me.”

“As soon as they create a law that makes depreciating Sirius Black illegal, which they should, I will!”

“Anyhow,” Emmeline says. “I haven't heard Sirius Black's voice for almost five minutes and I'm getting withdrawal symptoms,” and she reaches out to put the record back on.

Remus gets up to his feet. “That's my cue to leave.”

“You don't have to, Remus,” Lily says quickly. “If you really don't want us to, we won't put on his music. We value your company more than listening to Sirius Black.”

“Says who? Ow!” Emmeline rubs her shin where Lily kicked her.

Remus smiles at Lily. “Thanks, Lils, but it's okay. I have a paper I need to work on anyway.”

The moment Remus closes the door to his bedroom, he lets out a sigh that seems to be coming from somewhere deep inside of him.

Then, almost without thinking, he takes out his phone and punches in the number by heart.

“Hello?” The voice on the other end of the line sounds surprised and, dare Remus think, hopeful?

“You have to stop doing this,” Remus hears himself say. “No,” he then corrects himself. “You don't have to do anything. I'm asking you. Please stop doing this.”

“Remus, what are you talking about?” He seems to be walking away from something– A promo event? A fancy dinner? An exclusive party?– as Remus can hear the voices in the background grow softer. Remus feels a brief hint of satisfaction; no matter how big the event he's at, how important the people he's with, when Remus calls, he gets up and walks away to talk to him, but Remus quickly corrects himself, because it's not like that anymore.

“It's killing me,” Remus admits, pressing a hand against his forehead. “I understand, but… God, it's killing me.”

“Rem,” Sirius, because of course it's Sirius, says gently. “You're still not making much sense. What are you trying to say? Why are you suddenly calling me? Why… Why now?”

“Your latest releases,” Remus says, as he starts pacing the room, though he can barely take two steps before he reaches the opposite wall. It's rather telling of the difference between them, he can't help but think. Sirius undoubtedly in some grand building surrounded by dozens of people who would fall over themselves to cater to his every whim, and Remus hiding out in his eight square meter bedroom cluttered with textbooks and scribbled notes. “I get why you do it. I'm probably terribly biased,” he lets out a brief laugh. “But I think the songs you wrote when we were together, and even after we just broke up, are your best songs, so I get that you would want to release them, to share them with the world and show everyone once again just how bloody talented you are. And you have every right. They're your works, your creations. But gods, Sirius, I can't pretend anymore.”

“Pretend,” Sirius repeats, his voice almost a whisper, and Remus lets it all out.

“I can't pretend anymore that hearing those songs everywhere I go all the damn time doesn't make me want to die! That it doesn't just break me, to hear your voice sing those words, knowing what they once meant, and knowing that they don't mean that anymore! That you don't mean that anymore.”

“Remus,” Sirius interrupts sharply, and Remus immediately stops talking as Sirius speaks. “Do you really think I could sing those words like that, if I didn't still feel that way?”

And Remus’ breath catches in his throat.

#famous sirius black #singer sirius black #post breakup #academic remus lupin #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius

[fictionfixations]

lilia dorm uniform vignette

haha

theyre both so done with lilia at this point

this entire vignette they just- Sebek & Silver: what. …??? Malleus: is used to this Lilia: doing what he does

NO

yknow. lilia did leave sebek and silver alone to like. survive. for a time or something like that.

LMFAO SEBEK

oh my god lilia

sob

((BOOK 7 SPOILERS AND SPECULATION. mention of JP card)) (the spoilers come from my thoughts, not in the actual vignette)

Spoilers start now!

okay. so. im sad. but is it just me who could possibly see parallels between this and silver? (lilia treating his whole situation so much more nonchalantly and silver just sobbing like 'i still want you in my life :(((')

also i wonder if we at one point end up meeting who silvers parents were. id assume it hasnt happened at all in JP though, or i'd probably be heavily spoiled because so much JP TWST is on my timeline (this includes book 7 spoilers LMFAO i cant escape. savanaclaw rook 👀. i only know the basics of book 7 JP content [that is, not at all. ive been spoiled like the next few chapters-ish after EN content [aka night in the woods(?) chapter 55 i think). the second a new card comes out its shoved EVERYWHERE in my face. but thats about it! mostly.)

admittedly was so prepared for malleus to go on for a bit at the end that could. idk help us get a different view on his actions in book 7. guess not tho, oop.

(..Also its probably meant to be "given what he said" but the actual dialogue says "give what he said" and im too tired to be making corrections to canon dialogue in the event i might be wrong [its 3 am])

im so saving the sebek respecting silver line though LMFAO

like out of context you think he's saying it to silver

or like. saying it after silver does some badass thing but no.

its because of lilia's parenting.

hehehehe

#lilia vanrouge #sebek zigvolt #malleus draconia #diasomnia #silver twst #twisted wonderland #twst vignettes #twst wonderland #twst

[neo404]

PLEASE I NEED A DOM NICK FIC WITH SLUTTY FEM BOY READER RIGHT NOWW

Make it better.

Summary: Nick helps his boy (you) feel better after a long day.

TW: NSFW, cursing.

Note: this is not body neutral sadly (remember that you are always welcome to make requests)

Today was tiring, I had been studying a lot lately yet my grades aren’t improving much, I had been getting in trouble at work because I am tired most of the time. I feel bad, and I need to rest, I collapse on my couch when I arrive at my place and take out my phone to check my notifications, I see that Nick was sending me texts when I was getting home.

Future Husband >I know you are getting back to your house, so when you arrive text me >I bought you something haha, it’s a lil surprise >btw, how are you? Tell me about your day, wanna call???

I sigh while reading his messages.

Hi babe. Thanks, that’s so kind of you and I don’t wanna talk about my day, I feel kinda shitty. Tell me about yours. <

Nick answers 5 minutes later.

>I’m on my way.

What? I try to call him but he doesn’t answer. Twenty minutes later I hear someone knocking at my door, I open it and I see Nick standing there, with a warm smile on his face a gift bag whit a rose in his other hand.

‘’They ran out of bouquets; this is all they had. Can I come in?’’ his words are soft and I let him in.

‘’Why did you come?’’

‘’I wanted to make you feel better. I though maybe the gift and some company will cheer you up. Also, I know that when you are stressed out you can’t sleep well, so I’m making sure you sleep tonight.’’ He sets the rose on my dining table and I walk to him, his arms open and I immediately hug him. ‘’I’m here, I’ll make it better.’’

‘’Thank you. I love you.’’

‘’I love you more.’’ Nick kisses my head. ‘’Let’s go to your room so you can open your gift.’’ He grabs my hand and leads us to my room. Nick closes the door behind him and I sit on the bed. ‘’I think you’ll love it.’’ He grins.

‘’Well, let me see what it is.’’ I say eagerly. He rolls his eyes and hands me the bag while sitting besides me. ‘’Nick, are you kidding?’’ I take out a black mini skirt and I see him smile proudly. ‘’This doesn’t cover anything.’’

‘’I know, that’s the point.’’

‘’How am I gonna wear this?’’ I look at it and my cheeks turn red.

‘’Well, you can only wear it for me.’’ He winks playfully at me. ‘’Go put it on, preferably with nothing underneath.’’ he laughs quietly. I walk to my bathroom to change, I take out my jeans and I put the skirt on, it barely covers my ass. I slowly slide down my boxers and I walk out of the bathroom with one hand pulling down the skirt from the front. ‘’Aww, come one. Don’t be shy, there is nothing I haven’t seen.’’ I walk towards Nick, standing between his spread legs and he puts his hands behind my thighs, pulling me closer to him.

‘’It’s too shirt, Nick.’’ I say putting my other hand on his shoulder to steady myself.

 ‘’No, it’s not. Like I said, it’s only for my and your eyes.’’ His thumbs rub my warm skin. ‘’Come on, sit on my lap. I’ll make you feel good, I’ll help you forget about all those bad things.’’ My cheeks get warm again, I sit on his lap, my arms go around his neck and his hand travel up to my lower back.

‘’Where did you even bought this?’’

‘’Just around.’’ He giggles and kisses my cheek. ‘’Come on, it looks great on you.’’ One of Nicks hands leaves my back and goes to my face, inching it closer to his, and finally kissing me.

His lips are soft and they taste like watermelon. My hands instinctively go to his hair, playing with is, whole arm wraps around me pulling me closer to him, the hand that was previously on my face goes to my upper thigh. The kiss gets more and more intense, my hips roll and buckle against his and I can fell him getting hard below me.

‘’Nick.’’ I mumble between kisses.

‘’Yes, sweetheart? Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.’’ He whispers near my lips.

‘’I want you. Please.’’ I confess, my body longing for his touch.

‘’Good boy.’’ He turns to the bed and gently lays me down on it. ‘’Take off your shirt.’’ I obey and toss it on the floor. Nick takes off his shirt and undoes his pants. He places himself between my legs, his hands massaging my sides gently, his lips kissing my neck and collarbone, biting from time to time. His hands make their way to my aching length, his hand moving slowly up and down, my hips buckling a bit.

‘’Shit, Nick.’’

‘’I know baby, I know. Give me time.’’ I whine and he kisses me again, slowly and so passionately. His strokes get a bit faster and I moan into his mouth. ‘’Now, open up for me.’’ My mouth open and he puts two of his fingers in, I suck and whine into them. ‘’Good job, honey.’’ Nick kisses my check and pulls his fingers out slowly. ‘’Alright, take a deep breath.’’ I nod, and while I do I feel both of his fingers enter my hole, I gasp and he shushes me. ‘’It’s okay, I know. You are doing amazing.’’ My back arches and he presses his thumb against my sensitive tip.

‘’Fuck.’’ I mumble, his fingers moving slowly inside of me. ‘’More. Please.’’ Nick smiles warmly and moves his fingers faster, pumping them in and out faster and faster, his other hand moving again, I feel some precum falling into my stomach and my back arches more. ‘’Please, want you.’’

‘’Yeah? Want me to make you feel good?’’ I nod, my fixated on the way his hands move.

‘’Yes, yes, please.’’

‘’Whatever you want, baby.’’ his hands stop, a whine leaves my mouth, his hand reaches to my nightstand and from the drawer he takes a bottle of lube. ‘’You are so good for me.’’ He slips his pans and boxers down enough to take his hard cock out, one hand pumping it slowly, the other opening the bottle and putting it into his length. After coating all of it he inches closer to me and I feel his warmth close to me. His breath hitches when he pushes in, eyes rolling back and my hands dig into his forearms. ‘’Shit, so tight.’’

After a few seconds Nick starts moving, his hips don’t bother to built up the speed, he is slamming into me as soon as he can. Moans and curses slip out our mouth, my knees allmouth touch my shoulders, his strong arms pushing from behind my knees. ‘’That’s it, take it. So good for me, such a mess for me.’’ The room is filled with wet sounds and moans, my mind dizzy with desire, I whine and my legs tremble, I feel my warmth spill all over my chest and stomach. Nicks hips go slower.

‘’More, need more.’’ I look at him in the eyes, my cheeks red and my hair messy.

‘’Turn around, ass up.’’ He lets go of my legs and I turns around, I bury my head into the pillow I use my knees to rise my hips. ‘’Good boy.’’ Nick says and I feel a spank on my thigh. He slides in but doesn’t move. ‘’Go on, you wanted more, fuck yourself on it.’’ His voice his demanding, I feel myself twitching in excitement. My hips start to roll and move forward then slamming into his, my moans are muffled by the pillow, it’s messy and my legs grow tired quickly. ‘’What’s wrong? need some help?’’ his hands go to my hips, gripping and massaging them.

‘’Please, please. Help me, need you, please.’’

‘’Since you asked so nicely.’’ He slams into me, knocking the air out of me. His trusts are quick and deep, I feel my eyes water and my back arches more and more.  ‘’Come one, one more. Give me one more.’’ I can’t control myself; his hands feel so good around me. His trust become sloppy and uneven, his breath heavy and his grip on me tighter. “Shit, fuck. Close.’’ I let myself go again, my high moan muffled and my legs almost give out on me. ‘’That’s it, good boy.’’ Nick pants out, a few slams more and he pulls out, I feel it run all over my back. I turn around and lay on my back, my breath uneven and a few hairs sticking to my face. ‘’Good job baby.’’ Nick kisses my cheek.

‘’Feels so good, you’re so warm.’’ I mumble wrapping my arm around his neck.

‘’I’m glad baby. I’ll clean us up, okay?’’

‘’No… not yet.’’

‘’Why not?’’

‘’Want more… Need more, please, can I get more of you?’’ I ask against the crook of his neck.

‘’How can I say no to my pretty boy?’’

Taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee <3

#nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo x male reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #nick sturniolo smut

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Excessive Force : Tom Ludlow x Fem Nurse Reader (COLLAB W/ THE INCREDIBLE @johnwickb1tsch) - Chapter One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight

TW: NSFW, dubcon if you squint

You are laying in bed, not sleeping, feeling sorry for yourself when your phone rings on your bedside table. You don’t recognize the number, so you answer with a cautious, “Hello?” 

“Hi, pretty girl.”

You pause a long beat, and not because you don’t recognize the voice on the other end. “How the ever-loving fuck did you get this number?”

It’s Officer Tom Ludlow, of course. Just what you need, on this night from Hell.

“I’m a detective, remember?” You can just hear the self-satisfied smirk, and he’s lucky he’s not standing in front of you, because tonight you just might have slapped him.

You use your moderately adequate brain for some deductive reasoning of your own, and realize, “You took my number from Julian’s phone. After you assaulted him.”

On the other end he lets out a long whistle. “Baby, that’s such a strong word.”

“Do not call me baby.”

“Alright. Sweetheart.”

“God, you are such a fucking caveman.”

“Thank you.”

You sigh, too fucking tired for this shit. Your heart feels like a chewed up piece of gum, and your lady parts are pulsing angrily at you for ruining their evening earlier.

They like the sound of Tom’s deep voice in your ear, and that is so not good.

“You okay?”

The question actually takes you aback, because the smarmy shit-eating tone is gone, and he sounds…serious?

“I guess. Why?”

“That doesn’t sound okay.”

“Why do you think it’s any of your goddamned business?”

“I told you. If Dr. Bitch hurts you, it is my business.”

“He didn’t hurt me,” you grumble. In fact, he didn’t really do much of anything to you. Now that more time has passed, the more annoyed you are about that.

Fuck if Detective Ludlow doesn’t seem to hear that in your voice too. “Ohhhh. Sounds like the Good Doctor didn’t hit anything?” 

“Oh my god. I hate you. Do you know that?”

He gives a low chuckle that absolutely goes straight to your deprived pussy, and you squirm a little in bed, so grateful he can’t see you.

“You wish you hated me.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Don’t hang up, pretty girl. Tell me what you’re wearing.” His voice dips low, and smooth as velvet.

Every hair on your body lifts in response to this, your nipples pebbling into painful points. Bastard.

“A parka.”

“Pshh. You sleep in a parka? Come on, baby.” How effective that soft, coaxing tone is at dissolving your inhibitions is alarming. You can almost see yourself, as though standing at the edge of a great abyss. If you jump…there will be no going back. 

“Fine. I’ll use my own imagination. I think you’re wearing…a cute little lacy negligee that just floats on your luscious curves…”

Well, you guess you’re getting a picture of what he likes.

“Jesus Christ. I’m wearing a tank top, you pervert,” you grouse, trying to shatter his fantasy. Nevermind the fact that you are now soaking wet, again.

“Nice. No panties?”

“I am wearing panties.”

“You aren’t going to need ‘em. Do you know what I’d do to you, after dinner, my beautiful nurse?”

“Gee, I bet you’re going to fucking tell me.”

“Oh come on. We’re having fun.”

“You are having fun.”

“But you’re still listening.”

Well, he has you there, the smug sonofabitch.

“Maybe.”

He chuckles at the other end of the line, a low sound that makes you clench with need.

“You’ve got to answer a question for me first.”

“What?”

“You’ve got to dip into that sweet little pussy for me, and tell me how wet you are on the scale from one to ten.” 

You should rip him a new one for this. Or just hang up. Why can’t you just hit the button and end this nonsense? But then…you’d be alone. Your real-time reaction is less dignified, but maybe more honest. 

You laugh.

It starts as a giggle, then crescendos into an all out guffaw. “Tom…you are a nut.”

You can hear the smile in his voice as he answers, and goddamn if you don’t actually start to feel better. “Oh come on baby, don’t hold out on me. I’ve got a solid ten inches in my hand for you here.”

This makes you laugh even harder. “Ten inches?!”

“Ok. Maybe nine and a half.” 

You giggle, and you can’t stop. “I don’t know if I can handle all that, Officer Ludlow.”

You don’t know how his voice lowers even more, as he says, “Oh, I know you can take it. Don’t worry, I’ll ease it in nice and slow.”

Suddenly the bubbles of laughter in your gut go flat, replaced with an aching heat that sears your insides, your clit throbbing in response to his dirty mouth. It’s possible a kittenish little sound squeaks from the back of your throat.

You really don’t know where you get the courage to ask softly, “Yeah? Then what?”

“Then I would kiss all over those pretty, soft titties. I want those perfect nips in my mouth.”

You know you make a sound then, and he surely hears it. “Will you check them for me? Lick your fingers and give them a pinch.”

“You are ridiculous.” It comes out small, and breathy, and it doesn’t really sound like an insult at all. So what, if you do as he tells you? And so fucking what, if imaging it’s his hands on you makes you feverish with desire, a spear of longing throbbing in your cunt.

He doesn’t answer you right away, which means he’s busy with something else. Maybe Tom is just as pent up as you are from all this edging the two of you have been putting each other through. 

“Are you.. are you really?” You ask, hating how your voice exposes the fact that you’re not only pinching your nipples, but borderline feeling yourself up at the sound of his hiking breath. 

“Yeah, honey, I am.”

“Oh,” you say, because it’s the only thing you can think of. Your cunt is screaming below about how she wants to talk to Tom Ludlow because you’re doing a shit job at it. 

“Ah, fuck. Are you doing what I told you?” 

“No.”

“Good. Lick your fingers again, circle those pretty nipples for me. Close your eyes and imagine it’s my tongue. Fuck, I wanna suck on your tits so bad.” 

He doesn’t have to know that you’re following orders. That you’re grinding on the bunched blanket between your legs while you imagine his big, rude hands playing with your tits instead of your own.

“You listening to me, beautiful girl?”

“Yeah. Don’t get a big head about it.” 

“Good job. And too late.” 

“I do hate you, you know. I’m serious.” It has no real venom; in fact, it sounds more like a term of endearment at this point. 

He laughs. “C’mon, tell me how soaked she is.”

She’s flooded, is the answer. She’s dampening the pressed comforter, she’s throbbing and screaming and crying and pulsing to the tempo of his black coffee voice. 

You’re not much for vocals when you get off. You have neighbors that already have to hear about your dreams, and the act itself seems like more business than pleasure sometimes. When you were younger, you shared a room with your two sisters, so you learned to be quiet and discreet about rubbing your pussy. That all flies out the window when you sink two fingers into your sopping cunt at Tom’s direction. 

“10,” you hiss, straining to hit your gspot. Maybe you really do need to invest in one of those toys Sheila is always elbowing you about.

“Oh, poor baby.” Your walls flutter violently at his mocking tone. 

“I thought you were going to tell me what you would do to me after dinner?” Maybe you’re desperate, or just stupid. It doesn’t really matter when all you want is to orgasm on Tom’s voice.

“Thought I was? Didn’t I tell you about how I’m gonna dip into that sweet wet pussy, and play with your little clit with my thumb while I fuck you with this big cock? How do you like it, honey? Slow and deep? Fast and hard?”

You make a strangled little sound–because your fingers are just not enough, and it hurts. It hurts that he’s not here with you, filling you up, holding you down with those calloused hands and that filthy, insatiable, mouth.

“What was that?” 

His voice is strained, and you think you’re not the only one in pain here.

“Slow,” you answer. “At first.” Why exactly are you handing him this ammunition? How stupid, how dangerous, to offer up the keys to your undoing? You know he will only use this information against you.

“Mmm.” His breathing is labored, and the thought of him with his cock out, stroking himself to this dirty talk is almost too much to stand. Julian had you trussed and at his mercy right in front of him, but couldn’t keep it up. All Tom Ludlow needs is the sound of your voice. After the night you’ve had, that alone is nearly enough to make you cum.

“But then I like it deep,” you pant. “You think you got what it takes?”

“Baby, I’ve got everything you need.”

You are trying to be as quiet as you can, while you abuse your clit with your two middle fingers, practically holding your breath, getting high on the oxygen deprivation. You’re too quiet, you suppose.

“Don’t be shy, beautiful. Gotta let me hear it when you cum for me.”

“Or what?” you grouse. “Maybe I’m just…mixing pancake batter.” 

His laughter is strained, and you just know he’s close. “Or you’ll regret it, sweet girl. When I finally get these hands on you? Mmm I’ll make you pay. I’ll make you cum without mercy.” 

Again, you can’t help but compare the versions of punishment to the men in your life. Julian wants to hurt you. Tom just wants to make you cum.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah? You there, baby?”

You try to just breathe through your nose, to not give him the satisfaction–but you fail spectacularly.

“Y/n?” He calls, singing your name and making it sound so pretty and good and special. 

“Y-yeah?”

“You coming with me? I’m waiting for you.”

You’re right there, dangling over that sweet, slippery precipice that you can usually ease yourself over carefully. Tom gives you a little shove, and you’re plummeting. 

“That’s my girl.” He doesn’t sound much better off than you while you sob from the unexpected, haywire orgasm. 

It takes a long minute for you to come back to earth, come back to breathless Tom who isn’t saying anything for once in his life. 

That pleasant, floaty post coital bliss gets stained with shame when the clarity of who you just mutually masturbated with hits you. 

He talks first, what a surprise. “Do you feel better?”

“No.” But then, “a little bit.”

“At least one of us does.” You hear him shuffling around on the other end, maybe opening a fridge. It makes you smile to think of him jerking off at his kitchen table. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Why in God’s name are you still entertaining this conversation? You both got what you wanted, and if you stay here too long listening to his voice you’re going to be right back where you started—ready for round two. 

“I won’t feel better until you’re mine.” He sounds humorless, which worries you in itself even without the possessive words added. “C’mon, sweet nurse, aren’t you supposed to help me feel better?”  

“I don’t belong to anyone, Tom. I never will.”

“Oh? Bullshit.” 

“I’m hanging up.” 

Almost as if he knows you’re full of it, or maybe he just doesn’t care about talking into an empty phone line, he continues. “You’re telling me you’ve never wanted a man to take care of you? Protect you, defend you, fuck anyone up who even thinks to raise a hand or word against you?”

Honestly? That’s all you’ve ever wanted, although you’ll take that admittance to your grave. After a lifetime of taking care of other people, having someone to do that for you in return sounds like a castle in the sky. But, the thing about castles in skies? They’re imaginary. You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Let me guess, you’d do all that and more?” Maybe the venomous sarcasm is a little too mean. 

He sighs as if you’re the one assaulting his date, stealing his number, and then calling to harass and annoy him. “Okay, tough girl. Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“No you won’t.” 

“Mm. Night, beautiful.” 

You wait for him to hang up. He doesn’t. You don’t, either. You feel his grin blossoming through the white noise of the line, listen to him rustle about, hear bottles clinking, water running, fabric swishing. Your eyes get heavy to the sounds of his nightly routine, lashes threatening to touch cheek. 

His voice is void of its usual gruff when it permeates the pleasant, strange, foggy land between awake and unconscious. “Baby?”

“Mm, yeah?” You try to make your mouth move properly, but the words come jumbled and slurred, weighted with exhaustion. 

“Sweet dreams.” 

#tom ludlow x reader #tom ludlow #street kings #tom Ludlow fic

[aftokrator-official]

some Thoughts on chapter 13 now that i've finished:

I LOVE HOEDERER.... i already did but like. Really enjoyable to get his POV in this event and see more of his inner thoughts and motivations. I'm fond of characters who are so tired and worn down and jaded, but manage to hold onto some scrap of hope regardless, even against their own better judgment. A lot like Mlynar in that way, tbh.

regrettably this chapter sold me on hoederines a little. i'm CONFLICTED because i love wines so much, dammit. (and manhoe, but there's not as much of a conflict with my headcanons there.) But their relationship is so good regardless of whether you read it as romantic or platonic.

speaking of, Ines was a delight in this chapter. Love her role as the resident non-Sarkaz Sarkaz who is completely unaffected by whatever arcane bullshit is getting to Hoederer and W in any given moment, so she can yell at them to snap out of it and save all of their lives lmao. I love her deep loyalty and care for them that she expresses in everything but words. ugh ugh i love her

the little subplot with Vendela and the Sarkaz commander who tried to keep her safe was sweet and sad, I wish he'd gotten a unique sprite at least. I kind of want to see her meet Flamebringer now and her reaction to the friendship between him and Perfumer... I feel like there's some parallels there.

We're starting to see some payoff to the buildup with Siege in this arc, and I'm so glad! I've never really understood the hate her arc gets - I know it's partly that I'm biased, she was my first 6* so I'm rather fond of her, and I just really like the whole concept of the Glasgow Gang. And I think it doesn't help that ch12 was (imo) the weakest part of act 2 so far. But also, it was always really clear to me that we've been just... laying the groundwork with her up til now, I didn't really expect her to have big moments or turning points yet? Idk. i kind of want to write a whole post about her arc and my thoughts on it at some point. BUT, I really liked her in ch13, seeing her start to really come into her own and how all the events of act 2 up until now have shaped her decisions.

I'M REALLY SAD ABOUT GUARD ACTUALLY??? :( Tbh I have not really cared much about New!Reunion until this chapter, except for Talulah, but I'm finally getting invested. And Talulah's confrontation with Eblana was AMAZING. I've always seen her as a foil to Talulah - while Talulah started down her path with good intentions and ideals, Dublinn seems to have been like late-stage Reunion from the very start, because Eblana has always cared more about seeking power than about the oppression of the people around her. SO FUCKING SATISFYING to see Talulah, of all people, calling her out on that, and protecting Reunion from her. I really hope we get more of these two in future, and also more Reed in main story please please pleeeaseee.

This chapter was wonderfully cohesive with the themes of tradition and bloodlines vs forging a new path. Siege, Delphine and Horn, all beginning to break away from their inherited roles in Victoria's hegemony and fight on their own terms instead. The Kazdel flashbacks, the spacetime feranmut, and Hoederer's POV - a character who wants to see a better future for Kazdel, while still remembering and learning from its past. Nine, Guard and Talulah dealing with what Reunion means as a symbol, and figuring out what it should become. Shining and Nightingale, confronting the Confessarii and their own past. Even Vendela, having to let go of the life and traditions she'd grown up in, the townspeople clinging to familiarity and the hope that things would go back to normal to the point that it was literally going to kill them. The confrontation with the Sanguinarch was such a great culmination of all of this, with his fixation on blood purity and the glorious lost past of the Teekaz. And he's defeated by several people who all soundly reject his vision of what the Sarkaz "should" be - Amiya, the outblood King; Logos, who does have a "pure" bloodline by the Sanguinarch's standards but refuses to be defined by the role he inherited; Hoederer and W, two of the mixed-race "commoner" Sarkaz he's so contemptuous of (and Hoederer specifically rejecting the idea that the Sarkaz's destiny must always be soaked in blood); Ines, who isn't a Sarkaz at all, except she is, because her family is Sarkaz, and she's always going to be one of them. It was! So fucking good!

#arknights #i need to properly write up my thoughts on act 2 in general at some point but. #CH13 WAS REALLY GOOD

[thexmistress]

The Dilemma

Sukuna x Reader

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮Warnings:: Angst of course, slight mention of sex, manipulation, toxic relationship, spineless reader, etc etc :p 🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

That feeling you get when you try your hardest to reach out but your efforts go in vain. That feeling you get that rises up from the bottom of your stomach….. traveling up your chest… then to your heart where it festers…. The pain is so unbearable but for some reason you find comfort in it…. It gives you reassurance that you still have some fight in you… still have hope that you can keep the remnants of your relationship from deteriorating. You started off strong at first, you truly did, but now it just feels like you’re in the middle of ocean trying to keep afloat on a wooden plank. You felt useless and overwhelmed.

Looking down at your phone you see that all 6 of your messages were read by Sukuna earlier this morning. Your last message being a ‘Good Morning ❤️’ accompanied by a ‘Read 7:34am’. You knew this was bound to happen sooner or later. You should’ve known this was coming and prevented it but you kept opening your mouth and kept fucking things up. Chuckling to yourself as you put your phone down and continued to paint on your canvas but that feeling again was starting to creep up to your chest, and before you knew it, your eyes began to water while you struggle to keep your hand straight. Who knew drawing a line could be so hard? You try to focus on the painting but your mind keeps going back to the last conversation you guys had 2 days ago.

🝮🝮🝮🝮

“I just think it’s weird how she’s always calling you….. like I understand you guys are friends but really baby? It’s literally 12am… I think that’s a bit much…” you peeped at the clock on the nightstand and noted the time was actually ‘12:40am’. Your voice that once held passion and certainty came out timid, scared that if you said something wrong it would upset him, but even then your efforts go in vain as you see your lover roll his eyes at you and sigh heavily as he began to rub his face with hands exasperatedly.

It’s that feeling again. You feel it bubbling in your stomach as you instantly regret what you just said but it was already too late the moment he opened his mouth and began to invalidate how you feel like usual. It was always the usual to you so much to the point where you started to second guess your own feelings. Your gaze that was on the floor flickered back up to him catching a quick glance at his eyes but the moment you seen the annoyance that flooded his eyes you quickly look away not being able to handle the way it made that feeling in your stomach skyrocket to your chest. “Are you really starting this bullshit again? Really Y/N?”

His questioning lingered in the air for a few seconds until he felt even more annoyed by your silence. “Well you brought it up right? Why you not saying anything? Look at me when I’m talking to you like a normal fucking adult!” The tone of his voice made you snap your eyes up, holding back tears but the stinging feeling it was causing in your eyes wasn’t helping. “Why are you crying? Why-“, stopping mid sentence he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and sighed, “Listen. I’m not going to explain this again. Mei is just a friend. I don’t see you making this a big deal when Yuji or one of the bros call me around this time. Mei is a bro. A. Friend.”

🝮🝮🝮🝮

That’s right. Just a friend. Okay maybe you are toxic….. you make a mental note to not bring that up again but you’re starting to feel it. Starting to feel tired of everything. The no text backs unless he feels like it, how he’s so quiet on the phone and you’re always carrying the conversation, the ‘parallel play’ that you’ve become accustomed to and the fact you didn’t even know it was a thing until you were on Reddit asking strangers were you wrong for wanting to spend time with your boyfriend alone instead of always sharing him with his bros. You will always remember that day but only because of how much his words shattered you.

🝮🝮🝮🝮

“Bro what the fuck! Kill him!” Sukuna was yelling at his monitor fully engaged in the game with his headset on both ears but the volume was still loud that you can hear the giggles of his friends through them. It was the typical people in the PlayStation party; Satoru, Yuji, Suguru, and Utahime. You peeked at him but returned your attention back to your kdrama you were watching on your phone (had to get romance from somewhere right?). You couldn’t help but to start to feel annoyed and a bit angry at the fact that you were supposed to be over his house to spend time with him since he was off from work today. You usually wouldn’t mind this but lately that’s all you guys have been doing and it’s starting to bother you. Come over his house, sit on his bed while he plays the game then fuck.. How Romantic.

Before you went home you spoke about how you felt and how it feels like you were getting the bare minimum since you were the main one who would suggest hanging out or making plans, the main one calling first, the main one trying to make conversation because if you don’t speak he’s more than likely not going to start a conversation…. It’s like you’re just here. You were nervous and felt like you just committed blasphemy for even letting that slip out your lips and apparently he thought the same to because he gave you a look as if you just stabbed him in the chest and you can’t really remember all the things he said but what will forever stick to you was when he said,

“why are you measuring my love with ‘effort’? If you love me and I do give you the bare minimum that should be enough.”

🝮🝮🝮🝮

You didn’t even noticed you stopped painting until you started to sniff realizing that you were crying. You put down your paintbrush and wiped your tears and nose as you picked up your phone to see no notifications from Sukuna as expected but you couldn’t help but to feel a little hope that he would text you. It’s been 2 days since you’ve heard from him and you’re trying really hard not to come off as clingy so you’ve been sticking to texting him and not holding it against him because like he always says he’s a bad texter.

You go on instagram to see that he posted yet another story and you can’t help but to start another turmoil within yourself…..

‘Am I truly asking for too much?’

‘Am I too invested?’

‘Is it too much to ask for a clingy, emotional available boyfriend?’

You sighed as took a picture of the almost finished portrait of Sukuna and posted it on your instagram story before sending it him with a text that follows ‘Almost done! 😊’. You were about to put your phone down until you felt a vibration causing you to look back down at the screen to see him reply ‘❤️’. Suddenly you felt lighter and that nagging feeling went away causing you to feel nothing but relief.

See, he still loves me.

#sukuna x reader #sukuna angst #angst #fanfic #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk angst #jjk sukuna #sukuna #oneshot #toxic relationship #toxic love #yuji itadori #gojo satoru

[cottagecoreismysaltlick]

Arlecchino’s story quest just revealed how old Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet are. (Spoiler kinda)

Tl;Dr: late 20s

“I wish Genshin would give us solid numbers for character ages!” Sometimes they do. And those numbers give us ages of other characters too, if you pay attention. And yeah, I know the Genshin community doesn’t like to read, but you don’t even have to do much reading for this.

And let me preface this. When you go through this much work to “justify” characters being adults some people will say it’s just “an excuse to sexualize minors”. No. This isn’t even about that.

This is about me being absolutely sick and tired with the teenagers with careers trope.

First of all, what we know:

Childe is the YOUNGEST of the Fatui Harbingers.

Childe woke up the whale when he was 14 years old, and that was 20 years ago. He is 34 years old.

Arlecchino became the Knave at 17 years old.

The Hearth siblings came to the house within a few months of Arlecchino gaining control.

Lyney and Lynette met a magician named Caesar who over 10 days, helped them hone their stage magic skills

Caesar died 10 years ago.

Toddlers can’t do street magic.

Honestly the last couple of points aren’t even needed, but they’re helpful to solidify this number. You’ll see.

Let’s do some basic Arlecchino math first.

Again, she’s canonically older than 34, but if you want her and the siblings to be as young as absolutely possible, we can start there. (Maybe she’s a few months older than Childe. Idk)

34-17=17

Absolute bare minimum, Arlecchino has been the knave, and the siblings have been in the house for 17 years.

And quite frankly, I don’t think the “kids” were embryos when they joined.

But now that we have a minimum, let’s get a maximum to cover our bases. I’m going to use the serial disappearances as a marker here, because given what we know about her she would definitely look into that sort of thing. So she can’t be much older than 37.

So, when did the siblings join the house?

First of all, let’s get a few facts from earlier involved. Cesar died 10 years ago. That means he died while they had already been in the house for 7-10 years (depending on Arlecchino’s age.)

And a widely overlooked fact that personally I think needs to be taken into account more often, is that TODDLERS CANT DO STREET MAGIC.

But I get it, this is an anime game. And for some crazy reason some fans are convinced that characters should be as young as they can possibly be.

So let’s be just, the most generous that I could possibly be here and say those kids right there are 6 years old (anime 6 year olds don’t act like real 6 year olds so I’ll give you that), and it’s been an EVENTFUL couple of months worth of mastering street magic, trauma, and joining the House of the Hearth.

6+7=13 13+10=23

So the absolute bare minimum you are being silly at this point age for the siblings is 23, and depending on how old you think Arlecchino is, up to 26.

Personally, I feel like Freminet can help us out here, but we’ll have to apply just a teensy tiny bit of real world logic if we want to get anywhere. So,

How old was Freminet when he was sent to the house?

Freminet was very close with his mother, he was incredibly skilled at fixing and building things, to the point where he would help bring in money for the family for a few years before he was dropped off at the house with the old Knave where he’d notice other children with depression who he’d seen kill themselves.

Now I ask you, does that sound like a toddler? If you’re going to look me in my eyes and try saying he was sent to the house at 5 or 6, when the earliest of memories are being DEVELOPED, you’re not just silly, you are high. There’s really only so much disbelief I can suspend here.

Let’s be generous and say he was 8 years old. You can still have your over developed anime 6 year old, but at least it gives a few years for him to have been tinkering and making happy little memories before the trauma.

Again, using the youngest possible Arlecchino age,

8+17=25

So baby brother Freminet is bare minimum 25 years old.

In conclusion, let’s use those concrete numbers here to make an age range for the House of Hearth siblings. (I could absolutely give you my personal head canon timeline, yes. Will I? Maybe if you ask nice. But this is about cold hard numbers)

You’re absolutely fucking kidding yourself here ages: 22 for Freminet and 23 for the twins.

Low end: 25 for Freminet and 26 for the twins.

Reasonable maximum (the oldest I think they could be in the flashback is 13) 32 for Freminet and 33 for the twins!!

#genshin impact #lyney and lynette #lyney #lynette #freminet #house of the hearth

[davekat-sucks]

imisshomestuck popping off with the jake meta, damn

i agree completely, but also this paragraph

"Unhappy endings are better because of that. Fuck that. That's not why people read stories. People read them to see the ideal, to feel the potential of a character and then later see their faith and hope be rewarded. Reading a fictional story shouldn't be like gambling where you hope the writer ends up closing a characters story well and having them turn into the best version of themselves. Why do so many writers have the idea that reality always ends up being shitty and disappointing! Stories should too! It's like that stupid Mad at Disney song. We should all be bitter and nihilistic. The 1990s nihilism trend did a number to these mother fuckers. They think that trying is pointless and flaws are weights around our ankles that make it impossible to win the race of lie."

yes holy shit im so fucking TIRED of nihilism in stories, yet it seems its all i can find in everything nowadays (example: GOT, that was ass and im tired of pretending otherwise, all the good interesting main characters dying triggered my homestuck ptsd). and i fucking hate how this garbage webcomic has ruined my perception of character interaction for me forever because nothing comes even close! and all i get in fanworks is davekat uwu shit or discourse! im so fucking pissed! i hate hussie, hiveswap, the epilogues and hsbc and this idiotic fucking nu fandom!

someone send some book/shows/manga recs plz

in exchange i can give some too, if you like homestucks minimalist art style give alex toths works a try, his artbooks in particular are great. invader zim, irkens is where hussie stole the trolls and alternia from. also emily the strange, the maxx (1993), sam & max. for manga, lupin iii is fun.

There is only such much nihilism I can take before it becomes annoying that we get it, everything fucking sucks. Worse if said media tells me that I'm an idiot for even caring for watching/reading the series in the first place. At this point, it makes one question then who the hell you are writing for at this point if you slap the audience in the face and purposely make yourself feel like shit. As for series: Smiling Friends, Mashle: Muscles and Magic, Crayon Shin-chan, Gintama, Sgt. Frog/Keroro Gunsou,

[babygirl-diaz]

helllooooo i saw that omega tommy anon and 👀 imagine alpha!buck looking for his "missing" lafd hoodie and discovering that omega!tommy used it to make a nest at his place jdjdksnxv

Okay, this is literally the cutest prompt ever and I absolutely love it. Hope you like the story, anon!

***

"Hey, have you seen my hoodie?" Buck asked browsing through his locker.

"No? Why would I see your hoodie?" Eddie asked closing his own locker. "Besides, what do you even need a hoodie for? It's like 75 outside."

"I don't know," Buck shrugged. "It's my comfort hoodie and I need a bit of comfort right now."

"Comfort? Why? What happened?" Eddie asked taking a seat on the bench and leaving space for Buck.

"So you know how I've been trying to court Tommy?" Buck asked shyly and scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, I think everyone knows that, Buck," Eddie replied, giving him a pointed look and a smirk played on the edge of his lips.

"Wait what? What do you mean everyone knows that?" Buck asked horrified.

"That's not the point," Eddie replied. "Why are you upset?"

Buck let out a deep breath. "it's just not working. Either Tommy is playing hard to get or he is genuinely not interested and I am afraid it's the latter."

"I doubt that," Eddie replied. "Look, us omegas- we- we like it when the alpha puts in the effort and chases after us. The courting phase is the best part."

"Did uh- Did Shannon court you? You don't have to answer that if you're not comfortable!" Buck quickly added to let Eddie know it was a no-pressure question.

"She did, yeah," Eddie replied sadly. "But we were kids so it didn't take her a lot to court me."

"What you're saying is that I have to put in more effort?" Buck asked.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Eddie replied and put a hand on his shoulder. "Just show him you can be trusted to stick around and be there for him. Make him feel protected and loved."

Buck got up and smiled at his best friend. "Thanks, Eddie. Listen, I hope you find your alpha too."

"Thanks, Buck, but I'm not looking," Eddie replied with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I am happy as I am."

Buck nodded and took out his phone. "Tommy hasn't messaged me today. Do you think I should check on him?"

Eddie chuckled and shook his head. "You just wanna see him."

"I do," Buck replied shyly. "I really do." He then cleared his throat as he added, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Eddie!"

With that, he practically ran out of the firehouse and got into his Jeep. He texted Tommy again but got no response. His worry only increased and he headed towards the omega's house. When he got there, he rang the doorbell and waited.

Tommy didn't answer, and that's when Buck started to panic. Tommy's truck was still in the driveway, so he was at home and hurt or he was kidnapped. There was no other explanation. Well, there was. There was also the possibility that Tommy didn't want to see him but Buck wasn't ready to entertain that thought.

Buck called Tommy while still standing outside his house and he answered the second time.

"Evan?" Tommy sounded a little annoyed.

"Where are you?" Buck asked. "I am standing outside your house, ringing the doorbell, but you won't answer."

"I was asleep," Tommy replied and paused for a second before saying, "I'll be right there."

Buck impatiently tapped his foot as he waited for Tommy and soon the door opened. Tommy looked like he had gone through a couple rounds with an alligator and lost. Okay, so maybe not the best analogy but he just looked worse for wear. Not that Buck was about to tell him that. He was trying to court the guy, not chase him away.

"What?" Tommy asked, pulling his robe even closer to himself.

"Nothing," Buck shook his head. "Sorry- I just- I was worried about you. Are you okay?"

Tommy shrugged. "I guess."

There was something in the air. Some kinda sweet smell that followed Tommy. That coupled with how tired he looked, Buck understood what was going on. "You're in pre-heat."

"I am," Tommy replied after a pause. "And I'd rather not prematurely go into an actual heat with your presence."

"You think I could send you into a heat?" Buck couldn't help but smirk at that.

"Any alpha could," Tommy was quick to shoot him down, which made Buck pout.

"Can I come in?" Buck asked.

Tommy didn't move at first. It looked like he was contemplating. "Fine, but I'm going back to my nest."

"Are you inviting me into your nest?" Buck teased. "I am honored."

Tommy gave him an unamused look. "No, Evan, I am not inviting you into my nest, but you can hang out outside of it."

Buck followed Tommy into the house, feeling a thrum of excitement running through his veins. He might not have been invited into Tommy's nest but he was invited to his nest adjacent, which was good enough.

When they got to Tommy's room, Buck was immediately taken aback. There was his hoodie in the middle of the bed, along with one of his coats.

"H- how did you get my hoodie and coat?" Buck asked confused.

"Hmmm?" Tommy hummed as he got into the bed and pulled the hoodie close to himself. "You gave me the coat the other day when I was cold," he reminded him. "And the hoodie..." A small smile played across his lips as he added, "...I had Eddie steal it for me."

"No way," Buck chuckled. "That little shit. He looked me right in the face and said he didn't know where my hoodie was." He shook his head and then got closer to the bed but stayed out of it. "Why do you have these?"

"Because," Tommy shrugged and looked down at the hoodie. "Do you want them back?"

"No!" Buck quickly told him. "If it provides you comfort then- then you should keep it."

Tommy smiled and nodded. "Thank you. I hope this isn't too weird."

"No, if anything, I like it," Buck assured him. He scratched the back of his head as he said, "If you want- only if you want- you can cuddle with me instead of the hoodie?"

Tommy looked surprised, but his blue eyes lit up. He dug his teeth into his bottom lip as he watched Buck. "Okay," he replied finally, and scooted on the bed, making space for Buck.

Buck knew exactly what this meant, but he refused to say it because he didn't want to spook Tommy.

Tommy turned around and lay down, leaving space for Buck

"Is this okay?" Buck asked as he got behind and wrapped his arm around him.

"More than okay," Tommy replied. "And Evan?"

"Yeah?" Buck asked

There was another pause before Tommy said, "Thank you."

"Anytime, Tommy," Buck replied and buried his face in the juncture between Tommy's neck and shoulder. "Go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up." He promised.

#evan buckley #tommy kinard #eddie diaz #bucktommy #tevan #911 abc #fanfiction #911 fic #omegaverse #ask

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

No Nut November - Slash

A/n: This is my personal favourite but that might just be because Slash is my favourite, him and duff... might have to write something with the both of them...

Warnings: Smut, no nut November, oral sex(f receiving), fingering(f receiving), cum eating, slight breeding kink??, if you think I missed anything please let me know otherwise enjoy the final part to this short series :3

Intro

To be honest, he had no idea what the bet was. He tuned everything out and didn’t think twice about it. Axl called him later and told him no fucking before Steven. That made no sense to him and he just went home to go about his time.

When he got home he tried to explain it to you over dinner. Which was hard when he didn’t know what he was talking about in the first place. He managed to get the point across about not having sex for the month of November, you were upset but given the circumstances let it pass. You didn’t want to be missing out on a whole month of sex, however something you hadn’t thought about until the next.

You were downstairs making breakfast, as per usual because your manchild doesn’t know how to cook. Frankly you don’t want him to try, you like your house nice and not burn down. You were getting the plates set up when you remembered you had to go out of town for a family thing.

You rushed upstairs to your shared bedroom and found Slash stretched out over the bed. You gently shook him awake and told him about it. “So even if we wanted to do something we couldn’t!” You exclaimed. Slash stared at you blankly, clearly not awake.

“Alright.” He mumbled and face planted into his pillow. You smiled at him, brushing his hair out of the way and giving him a kiss on his forehead.

“Breakfast is ready, by the way.” He groaned.

You went about your day as you usually did, taking some time to pack your bags. You crawled into bed with Slash and he curled up nice and tight to you for a last night together before you left in the morning, likely before he’d wake up for breakfast.

Since you weren’t home for the majority of the month this challenge was easy for you. Slash called whining about it to you more than once but nothing ever actually happened, more often than not one of you would end up talking the other to sleep which was more than welcomed.

When you got back it was between him and Izzy but that was quick to end. Slash came home tired and hugged you from behind while you were cooking. “Izzy’s out.” He mumbled into the crook of your neck.

“Oh, yeah?” You responded. “That means you’re the only one left, right?” Slash was silent for a moment as he thought about it. In the end he never did give you an answer.

Slash dropped to his knees behind you and pulled your pants down. “When the fuck did you get these?” You looked down at him, cheeks red and brows raised in confusion. Slash shook his head and tore your panties off of you before forcefully spreading your legs and licking your flushed cunt.

You abandoned your cooking, turning the stove off while you could as Slash’s tongue worked tirelessly between your folds. You gasped at the feeling, holding onto the counter as he held you down on his face. He sucked your clit and dipped his tongue into you, eating you up so deliciously you could’ve cum right then and there.

Slash pulled back and stood up behind you, harshly bringing you to the island behind you so he could bend you over it. He pulled himself out of his jeans and gave his cock a few strokes as he stared down at your ass. “Been waiting too long for this.” He gleamed in that soft, raspy voice of his before pushing himself all the way into you.

He groaned loudly behind you while you let out a high pitched whine against the cold marble under you. He didn’t waste a single moment before pounding into you, gripping your hips with a bruising hold.

Oftentimes Slash wasn’t quiet, especially when he was needy or pent up and right now he was both. The house filled with echoed sounds of skin slapping on slick skin, your whines and Slash’s grunts and moans.

Your body bounced up and down the island surface with every thrust. Slash couldn’t take his eyes off of where your bodies met, where he disappeared into you before pulling out and pushing back in. He watched in pure amazement as you took him all in with ease.

“Slash! Slash, ‘m gonna-gonna cum!” You whined, hands twitching as your body quickly lost control of itself.

“Fuck, me too, ‘m gonna cum inside.” He said and with a few more thrusts he sent you over the edge. Your body quivered as you squirt on his dick. Slash followed you over and came inside you, coating your gummy walls in a thick layer of his seed just as he said he would.

Of course he didn’t even think to give you a moment to recuperate. He pulled you up and spun you around to face him, crashing his plump lips against yours. You could still taste yourself on his tongue as it danced with yours, saliva mixing together and dribbling down your chin in his haste to feel good.

He groped your body, ass, chest, whatever he could reach. He pulled you tight to him and tugged on your skin, slapping your ass and shoving a finger or two into you just to make you squirm. He hoisted you up onto the counter, lined himself up and slid into you, getting into a rhythm and hitting that spot in you that had you seeing stars.

Fuck, you loved the way he made you feel. His mouth never left you as he rut into you like a dog, desperate for release once more. He was a whining mess as he got closer, in turn bringing you closer as well.

You moaned loudly in his ear while he sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. One of his hands was buried in your hair, tugging on it gently, while the other went to rub your clit, overstimulating you a bit.

You gripped his shoulders. Your nails dug into his back and without warning he came in you again. He paused for a moment, cock still stuffed deep inside of you as he processed what just happened. Once he had, at least mostly, he continued fucking you. He’d lost any sense of rhythm and you were sure he was overstimulating himself at this point so you gently pushed him back.

“‘M ok, Slash, don’t have to keep going.” You assured, though you weren’t thrilled with the idea. Slash stopped again and pulled out and went back on his knees. His lips suctioned to yours as he ate you once more, though now he was licking his own cum out of you. He didn’t seem to care, all his mind was set on was making you cum and when his lips latched onto your clit and sucked, his tongue swirling around it while he looked up at you with the sweetest puppy eyes you couldn’t help it.

You squirted on his face, your cum mixing with his as it hit his chin, getting in his mouth. He didn’t pull away until he was sure you were done.

He stood up and wrapped his arms around you, burying his sticky face in the crook of your neck. He pulled you off the counter but your legs were shaking so bad you couldn’t hold yourself up. Slash wasn’t in much better condition and slowly lowered the both of you to the ground so he could hold you properly.

#guns n roses #guns n roses fanfic #guns n roses x reader #guns n roses smut #slash guns n roses #guns n roses imagine #gnr fic #gnr #gnr smut #gnr x reader #gnr fanfiction #slash #slash fic #slash fanfiction #slash gnr #slash smut #slash x reader #slash x you

[salmonskinrolltf]

I’m an 19 year old jock, brown hair, brown eyes. Could you send a copy of the Dukes of Hazzard Seasons? I really like Bo Duke from the show. Something about his himbo redneck charm just makes me fall for him.

Your Be Kind Rewind tape and die have arrived! You roll the die because the web site said you should, but when you roll a 1, nothing happens. You shrug and pop the Dukes of Hazzard tape into your VCR, hitting rewind so you can make sure to catch every moment from the beginning.

As the tape begins to rewind, you think about how you always kinda thought it made more sense for Bo to be gay, or at least bi. He certainly always seemed to prefer the company of Luke to any of the women in his life. You figured he needed a wild, rough-and-tumble redneck guy who could show up in his life and shake him out of his heteronormative upbringing, show him how different it can be to have a little fun with another willing guy.

Unfortunately, that someone can’t be you. Bo’s not real, first of all. But more importantly, you’re too much of a clean-cut jock for that. You think back to your latest game, and how great the uniforms made the asses of the other players look. Especially that one guy - what was his name? you can’t remember - when he was going to make a… basket? Field goal? What sport do you play again? You shake your head as your memories go fuzzy like an old television that needs adjusting.

You decide to reboot your memory by tracking back to the most recent thing you remember and working your way back to the present from there. You cycle through the fuzzy colors and blurry shapes until you hit on something. Siphoning gas from the sheriff’s tank so you could go on a joy ride. Now that memory is very clear, thankfully. What did you do after that?

As you ponder, you feel a tickling on the back of your neck as your hair grows, slithering down in a greasy tangle. The tickling hits your shoulders, and then your mid-back. You shake your head and your mullet flutters against your back. God, you love that feeling. It was hard-earned, too, it took you years to grow all that shit out.

The next memory falls into place. Going mudding with some of your cousins the day after your joy ride. What a good time! You shake your head again and the tickling transfers to the front of your face as a greasy brown beard drapes from your sideburns down across to your chin, a mustache sprouting as the cherry on top of the unkempt, disheveled sundae.

You stroke your beard as you smile and remember going cow-tipping the next day. You picked the biggest cow, of course, to prove how strong you are… While you think about your prowess, your athletic muscles actually shrink down a bit, leaving you with skinny arms and a slim torso where your ribs are in plain sight.

Getting hot, you remove your shirt and stuff it in your back pocket. Your memories are finally traced back to the game you were trying to remember… That game of darts you were playing at the local bar the other night. God, Buck’s arms looked so daggum delicious in that sleeveless denim shirt. You scratch your chest and light brown hair swirls in a spiral pattern from around your nipples, eventually spreading across your entire torso.

And that last memory brings you back to the present… what was it you were doing right now? You were getting ready to watch something, right? It was a… A… You wanted to watch the sunset from Makeout Point, yeah that’s what it was. But you didn’t want to go alone, which is why you parked your truck here by the local bar. You look around to see a serene roadside bar, the trees gently swaying in the humid breeze. You wipe sweat from your forehead, glad you already took your shirt off so you aren’t feeling too overheated. It’s been a loooooong, hot summer.

Suddenly the squeal of tires distracts you from your reverie. A slick car pulls up and out climbs the most handsome blond guy you’ve ever seen in your life.

You chuckle to yourself. This guy is a hunk of all-American beef, but you can see a little sugar in ‘im. You know he’d be willing to experiment if a stud like you showed him the ropes. He wouldn’t be able to resist your sexual magnetism. You spit on the ground, then whistle, catching his attention. He looks over at you and you wink. “What’s your name, pardner?” you ask.

#redneck #Be Kind Rewind #Roll the Die #mullet

[secretgamergirl]

When Complete BS Becomes "Common Knowledge."

Someone told me they stopped paying attention to someone who reviews movies after one too many mean-spirited jokes about trans people, and it was one of those cases where the reviewer in question definitely had the vibe of someone who'd go around doing that, but I couldn't think of any real flagrant examples. Cut to me watching a movie the other day, remembering that oh yeah, I skipped that one guy's review of it because I wanted to go in blind, and sure enough, that review has this big long crappy 5 minute aside of an out of left field "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!?" routine. So that's a shame.

Now this particular guy rather famously Does Not Get Out Much. Pretty sure he hasn't really have any exposure to a single trans person, or to any real die hard transphobes, and most likely what happened here is he saw I dunno, an episode of South Park or a facebook post from some bigoted aunt, or some Tiktok video, something like that, and just blithely assimilated it into his world view.

But you know, the reality is... to the best of my knowledge no trans person has ever actually said this, or anything similar to this, and we sure as hell don't live in a world where anyone would have the back of someone who did? But you know, here we are.

Now I want to be clear, this isn't some kinda thing where trans people can't take a joke or anything. Literally while I was typing this, some cis guy just tossed this out, and this is a real tired old hokey one, but I cracked a smile, because oh yeah, the whole "programmer socks" bit really is a weirdly accurate stereotype.

And there's plenty of other trans jokes I'll laugh at. Ones directly at my expense. Some real dark ones even. You wanna go off on trans women all having the same like 10 names and them all sounding like we were born in the 1800s, go for it. Other stuff about how we all dress? Coping mechanisms? Low standards? Being too into pickles and sriracha? There's plenty.

But "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!?" and while we're at it, "I identify as..." don't even have the vague shape of something you're ever going to encounter in reality. Like if I didn't know the context of where these came from and hadn't had them posted a thousand times or so by people with swastikas for avatars and such, these probably would get a laugh from me the first time I heard them, because they sound like weird surrealist humor. Like, "don't you hate how every time you go to the laundromat, you have to play chess with the dragon before they let you in?"

But, again, I know the context. And the context is a bunch of fascists want people like me dead, and they're both too scared to pick up a gun to do it themselves and too incompetent to know who to point it at or where to find them. So they sit around with each other and go "hey, what sort of person does everyone hate? Let's all say trans people talk like them!" And because they haven't spoken to a single human being besides each other and the rich parents they're sponging off since getting banned from the Something Awful forums in the 90s/punk bar in the 80s/whatever, they settled on "rich white person calling the cops on somebody for walking down the street" and "didn't I first get into being a hatemonger because I was stupid enough to think that time I saw someone roleplaying he really thought he was a big scary dragon?" Which has honestly worked out weirdly well for them when you stop for half a second to appreciate just how absolutely ridiculous it is to ever imagine cops coming to the aid of trans people.

Like... here's a situation that actually plays out in reality. I have a bad tooth. Dentist says I need a root canal, and she doesn't do them. Refers me to another dentist like an hour and a half away. I walk in, write my Victorian sounding name on some paperwork, fill in all my various medications, wait a bit, hop into the big dentist's chair, so far so good. This dentist busts out the pick and the mirror about to have a look, and goes "hey, so I noticed on your medications you're taking a ton of something called divigel? What is that?" I say "oh, yeah, I'm trans, so I'm on supplemental estradiol." She almost drops the mirror, stares at me like she just realized I'm Venom and if she bent down to look at my teeth I was about to swallow her whole head. She stands bolt upright, says, "your teeth are fine, get out." I'm a bit confused, but I can read a room, so I say "well that's weird, but OK..." and start to leave. I get a "have a nice day SIR!" shouted at me. And then I go out, call the cab company to say my appointment ended early, and get told too bad, it's coming when it's scheduled, and someone snickers. See, at some point in having to take cabs to all my appointments, a driver worked out that this woman he'd been picking up from this address for the past year has a similar voice to and maybe vague family resemblance to who he'd been picking up from that same address the year prior, and after getting the courage to ask me, guess who's constantly having cabs show up late, or not at all, or on time with a driver staring angrily into the rear view mirror while blaring AM radio with someone shouting about all "the gays" needing to be rounded up so they can burn in hell. And I just need to suck it up and live with it. I'm sure as hell not going to pick a fight over it. I'm just gonna stand out in the cold (fortunately with nice warm knee-high socks) waiting for this cab for an hour because I sure as hell can't stay in this lobby.

But again, the whole weird myth here posits a world where trans people are all-powerful and control the government and stuff. And the basis for that is like... sometimes people refuse to pass ridiculous laws to stop trans people from doing things we only do in bigots' imaginations at great taxpayer expense, and SOMETIMES someone is responsible enough to double check what's up before they allocate the funds. Like... hell, you know what's exactly as completely divorced from reality and honestly the same people doing to same crap? That wild BS about "schools keeping litter boxes in classrooms because all this acceptance of trans people means we also have to accept kids who think they're cats!" Like... how the hell can anyone actually be stupid enough to believe that anyone else could be stupid enough to believe that they're actually stupid enough to believe such an OBVIOUSLY made-up narrative? Like... lawmakers bring that one up and try to get bills passed on it. Everyone else in the room is socially obligated not to laugh and ask whether they also want to pass legislation against Bat Boy and UFO abductions. This is Ralph Wiggum tier absurdity.

But like... what do you do about this sort of thing, really? As the person ultimately has to deal with the dentists who think I'll bite their heads off, ask to speak to their manager, and drop trou over a sandbox the state mandates they keep in the middle of the room, I'm... not in the room when this BS gets concocted, or discussed, or shared in Minions meme some film critic sees and imitates to try and be relatable and relevant. Can someone else start grabbing all these people by the lapels and shake them and shout questions about how they can be this stupid, maybe invite them back to reality for me?

#bigotry #transphobia #out of touch boomers #the one joke

[scientistservant]

I'm sorry for sending in another ask 🙈 But I need to know your opinion, as I haven't had a chance to read it. Sooooooo, why is Long Live The Pumpkin Queen, bad? Did they fuck up the doc and Sally that badly? Like are we talking about Love Never Dies level of shitty? (musical sequel to Phantom of the opera that most of us fans loathe.)

Oh boy, okay

This is gonna be long, please bare with me 😭

So the book completely changes/“fixes” Sally’s origins. She wasn’t a creation, or never even FROM Halloween Town.

She’s a special princess of dolls from “Dream Town” and has parents who are also dolls. She was kidnapped from her bedroom when she was like 12 by Finkelstein.

This is fucking bullshit.

How she even physically ages or how dolls can even conceive is never brought up or explained. Nor is how Fink even kidnapped her in the first place. The book and author just expects you to accept this new canon, which conveniently comes out like three decades after the source material.

Because the book is in first person and in Sally’s point of view we NEVER hear any perspective or proper explanation from Fink or any other character about anything.

Fink is just reduced to a one-dimensional villain who kidnapped Sally all because he apparently can’t create life or bring things back to life via science. You know… HIS FUCKING JOB.

He despises that Jack and Sally get married, despite that Fink would be ecstatic at this (Sally’s his creation and Jack one of his very old friends.)

Sally is also reduced to a one-dimensional protagonist who never questions anything and every third word from her mouth/brain is either “sad”, “ragdoll”, or “stitches/seams”.

She just believes these two doll people who she’s never met before, and doesn’t bother to leave “Dream Town” to ask the elderly scientist she’s known for her entire existence about this (not to mention everyone in the entire world including the holiday realms are dead asleep at this point at this part in the book anyway…)

Oh yeah, the book has a main villain too, surprisingly. It’s not Fink, even though the book certainly treats him like it.

It’s the fake ruler of “Dream Town”, Sandman, who’s actually kind of cool and creepy. But his reasoning for his villainy is bullshit, just like everything else in this damn book.

He’s just tired.

Yeah.

The Sandman is tired because he can’t sleep and his sand doesn’t work on him so he can’t get to sleep. You’d think a being as powerful and seemingly dangerous as this guy wouldn’t need sleep, but apparently he does. He’s cranky and needs a nap with his blanky, boo-fucking-hoo.

The ONLY thing I actually sort of enjoyed in the book was the bit where Sandman was stalking Halloween Town, putting everyone to sleep, and Sally was hiding from him. That was actually kind of suspenseful and I wish Sandman was that threatening throughout.

And does Sandman get any punishment for taking over “Dream Town” and putting everyone in an eternal sleep?

Nope. But FINK gets punished! Firstly, Jack completely believes these two random doll creatures he has never met before and that say they’re Sally’s parents. He yells at Fink, without asking his dear old friend if any of this is even true. And then Fink gets 100 years of prison and community service, which is stupid because why the fuck would Holiday realm laws, much less HALLOWEEN TOWN laws, function the same as the real world’s?

Speaking of which, apparently Halloween Town’s an actual monarchy, and the Pumpkin King isn’t just a cool title for the face/mascot/figurehead of the realm. The book even lampshades this, but doesn’t take this anywhere further aside from Sally complaining she has to wear a crown and Jack doesn’t.

This whole book is stupid and I will never accept it as canon, ever.

What sucks about this is that I fucking PREORDERED the book! I thought it was gonna be a story about how and why Sally was created, and get some backstory/lore for Fink, as well as explanation of why his relationship with his creation got so bad. Maybe a little extra plot of how Sally and Jack met.

But it didn’t. I fucking cried. This book made me cry my fucking eyes out, out of anger and betrayal because my favourite character and his creation/daughter was butchered.

After reading the whole thing I threw the book in a little library and never looked back.

I’m still working on a complete and total rewrite/fix-it-fic, it’s just gotten put on the back-burner because of other projects I’m currently working/fixated on. Apologies for that. But I promise it won’t be forgotten!

EDIT: Oh yeah, and the Holiday rulers have a meeting about climate change. Because Holidays have super importance with the weather or some shit. I’m not fucking kidding.

EDIT 2: The author is also a New York Times best-seller which is already pretty suspicious since that is basically a huge scam. The book has hundreds of 4-5 star reviews that don't even really get into the specifics of WHY it's good. They're all either extreme Jack x Sally fans (the book starts off with them getting married and Sally's main dilemma is worrying about being "a good enough queen") that like anything tnbc/Jally related OR a bunch of people were paid to give this book glowing reviews.

#the nightmare before christmas #tnbc #long live the pumpkin queen #sally finkelstein #sally skellington #dr. finkelstein

[idolomantises]

I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.

For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.

I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.

I guess I just… got sad?

I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.

I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.

I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.

I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.

It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.

I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.

Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.

#txt #suicide tw #self harm tw #I was very hesitant to discuss this because whenever I talk about mental health it leans into #one side. who are super well meaning but feel obligated to make sure that I’m okay. like I’m their responsibility when I’m just a stranger #online and my thoughts and feelings should never make someone feel like they have to ‘protect’ me #and another side who sees me purposefully be vague about some of the things I discuss like trauma and regret #and just construct their own narrative and get mad at me for it #at this point I’m just too tired to care about the potential backlash of the latter #if you read all this and think I’m saying I did nothing wrong and everyone is bad except for me that’s your fantasy you get to live in #I just want to be honest about my thoughts and feelings

[dailypokemoncrochet]

Okay so we're at 623/1025 Pokemon done right now that's 60.78%, and did you know that each 1 (one) new unique crochet brings us .09% (NOT EVEN A /TENTH/ OF A PERCENT) closer to 100%. That's 402 more Pokemon to go (currently) (not including ones that have different variants/forms). That's so many. Whoa. Wow.

#text #mind boggled again about the numbers #because like. literally if there is one thing i want to do in my lifetime that i am one HUNDRED percent SURE of. it is this project #and i know that i can do it. it is a feasible task. gargantuan. monumental. long. tedious. but doable. #and also what the FUCK i have made over #SIX. HUNDRED??? OF THESE?? #AGAIN NOT EVEN INCLUDING DIFFERENT FORMS #at some point i will make an extended sheet with the different forms counted out too #but i don't think i want to do that just now or on my own because oof that's gonna be an even biiiiigger number #but oh my god i am so in disbelief of my own self. how did i do this. how do i do this. how will i do this. what. what. #i know some of yall get tired of seeing these moments but just like. this is insane. im insane. #if i had just a single dollar for every one pokemon i have done. that would be over 600 dollars. i could get a nice treat with that. #i wish this was like in school where people would pledge a penny or something for every mile you walked/ran. except for my crochets. #why cant this literally be how i make a living. why cant the universe hook me up with that. universe do you hear me?? manifesting