#but like. i can use the maturity filter + its my own blog

[ragingtwilight]

reconsidering posting the chapters to my fic on here but im still nervous cuz its not exactly safe for work AJSGDVND

#it is a spicy fic that im using to boost my confidence but i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy posting that rahhh rhshvs #plus im not used to posting that kinda stuff online #i was kinda just gonna post the chapters to ao3 and not bring them up here but now idk AIGSVDJD #other than sfw crumbs and artwork ofc #but like. i can use the maturity filter + its my own blog #IDK MAN LMAO ig expect that sorta thing?? ofc i wont have any of the spicy bits in the preview #literally shaking from anxiety wtf is this LMAOOO GIRL I HAVENT EVEN POSTED ANYTHING YET #i will have to change my bio after this one lol #grrr

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

No but full stop. if you say anything like "Gen Alpha is being raised wrong/horrible to have in class/morally fucked-up/idiotic/doomed/just really really cringe" I will unironically lose all respect for you immediately.

all this stuff about "they're illiterate", "they have no respect for parents or teachers" "screens have rotted their brains" "they just speak in weird Skibidi Toilet Gyatt Rizz Meme Language" "the screens have made them have no behavior standards or morals" "the ScReEeEeEeEnsssss"

...you sound literally exactly like our parents' generation did with us. and elder millenials'/Gen X/even really late boomer's parents' generations did with them about video games and cable tv and...regular tv

and radio

and records

and. dime novels.

and it literally just goes back like that forever

OVID talked abt this stuff in the EXACT same way

so yeah, if you say that stuff without a shred of self-awareness, then I

1) do not think you can keep your commitment to "not fuck up future generations like we were fucked up", since you're contributing to that fucking-up right now by your words and actions.

2) will assume that you have a similar shortsightedness in other issues that require you to compare your own/modern-day views and events to historical ones, and lose faith in your interpretation of everything from aesthetics and online drama to world-altering current events because of that

3) genuinely I just have nothing but disappointment in people who say these things. anyone on this site who hates "icky gen alpha things" almost definitely did the same thing themselves.

They have "Gyatt", we* had GLOMPING, Yaoi Paddles, shitty mspa twerking gifs everywhere, and "Oh My God, Look At Her Butt"

They have "Rizz" we had "YOLO SWAG" and "I made you a cookie but I eated it" and those selfies where you held your camera up too high and then looked up at it from under your bangs

They have "Skibidi Toilet" we had SO MANY THINGS. Llamas with Hats. Charlie the Unicorn. Annoying Orange. Crazy Frog. Potter Puppet Pals. Minecraft Parodies if you're younger gen z. friCKING TOBUSCUS MUSIC, that man was a PLAGUE.

They have a toxic social media culture focused on heavily edited and unachievable beauty standards, enforced popularity culture, rigid aesthetic-based social groups, harmful rumors about health & beauty, a pressure on young girls to act mature, and underlying racism/classism, all leading kids who dont have adequate guidance to, AT BEST, try beauty "products" that arent meant for kids and are usually scams. We had... literally the exact same thing except our airbrushing was on celebs and models instead of coming from filters.

*I am older Gen Z (24 y.o.) but was so fucking sheltered until ~2014, and even then... I'm going off tumblr-history blogs, yt retrospectives and "my friend said so" to understand what "we" had

TLDR STOP BULLYING GEN ALPHA

...except about "Starpatch" or "Starface" or whatever it is. yes, ik its also popular/more popular with younger gen z. yes I'm literally making a post rn to bully(lh) yall JUST as hard about it. if it were my exact age group doing this I would be bullying yall. i dont care who does it, starpatch is so fricking silly.

#gen z #gen alpha #history #trends #skibidi toilet #gyatt #rizz #cringe #tumblr culture #tumblrcore #social media #ageism #igen #longpost #rant ish #i have opinions about this actually #soapbox

[miyamiwu]

An Honest Guide to Tumblr for Twitter Refugees (Part 1)

I know there are already tons of guides out there, but my WiFi was down the whole day and I got nothing else to do. Spent the entire morning making gifs, but still no WiFi, and I’m like, fck this let’s make a Tumblr guide.

Now, assuming you’ve already signed up and was able to snatch a fancy url*, here’s what you should do next: Log into Tumblr on desktop. You probably made your account through the app, and that’s cool and all, but for this guide, I’ll be showing some features that are currently only available on desktop Tumblr, so go ahead and get your laptop or PC out. Following this guide will also be easier on desktop.

*url = basically your username/handle on this site. We call them url’s because it what makes your domain name on your blog. More on this later.

Covered in Part 1:

Configuring your Tumblr Settings (filters, community labels, algorithms, etc.)

Customizing your Tumblr (how to avoid being mistaken as a bot**, enabling your Tumblr website, finding a Tumblr theme)

**this wasn’t included when I first made this post but decided to add it coz it’s really important.

Configuring your Tumblr Settings

Filters and Community Labels

Go to tumblr.com/settings/account. Here, you’ll find one of Tumblr’s most important features: filters and community labels. Filters are similar to Twitter’s “mute words” feature, and they come in two types: Tag and Content filters

Unlike Twitter, where tags are part of the post itself, Tumblr has a dedicated section at the bottom of the post to add tags.

Tag filters block out posts that are specifically tagged with #tag, while Content filters block posts containing a certain word within the body of the post itself. Once you have these set, you will never see such posts when using the search feature on Tumblr. It will still show up on your dashboard though, but it will look this and comes with the option to view the post for whenever you’re curious:

As for Community Labels, this should be self-explanatory. Mature content is now allowed on Tumblr, but if you don’t want to see such content, you can always opt-out.

Go wild in using these two features. Tumblr is the only major social media left that still allows you to liberally curate your feed. The peeps here on Tumblr mainly still abide by the “don’t like, don’t interact” rule from the old days. Calling out or cancelling a user for what they’re posting will get you nowhere. That’s just not how it works here. If you don’t like something, just block it.

Turning Off Algorithms

Contrary to popular narrative, Tumblr actually has algorithms. But unlike social media sites, they are contained in a tab of its own (i.e. the “For You” tab in Dashboard) and can be even turned off from showing up from within the feed you manually curated (the “Following” tab under Dashboard).

To turn off the algorithms, go to tumblr.com/settings/dashboard and scroll down to the Preferences section. And if you’re a privacy stickler like me, you can go further by going to tumblr.com/settings/privacy to turn off Improved Search.

Tumblr Labs

Tumblr Labs are experimental features. They’re not required, but if you want to make the most out of Tumblr, you might want to turn on some of them. I like to turn on the different Dashboard tabs so I can keep up with what’s going on in Tumblr.

Customizing your Tumblr

Now here comes the fun stuff and what really sets Tumblr apart from all other major social media sites: Personalization. In Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc, all user pages look the same. But in Tumblr, you can customize it as much as you want.

Before I start though, I’d like to throw in some stuff that you have to understand first:

Tumblr’s Two “Profile Pages”

Each Tumblr user technically has two “profile pages.” The first one is found at tumblr.com/username, and is basically not that much different from the profile pages of Twitter/Instagram/Facebook. You can customize its colors, icon, and header, but that’s pretty much it.

Edit: I forgot to include this very important bit when I first posted— How to avoid being mistaken as a bot Do not settle for Tumblr’s default icon and header. Tumblr has a long-standing bot problem. An uncustomized profile will make people think you’re a bot and will block you immediately. And when choosing an icon, you might have to think twice when using a selfie that does not include your face (i.e. an upper body picture starting from the neck/chest). Porn bots often use such pictures to make people think they’re real users. Numbers at the end of a url (like username123) are often indications of a bot account, so you might want to avoid that too.

Moving on… The second profile page is where the magic happens, and its found at username.tumblr.com. However, it’s not turned on by default.

Remember what I said earlier about Tumblr usernames being generally called as url’s? That’s because of our “second profile page” here (I hate calling it second though because it’s what came first, but since it’s not a default option now, “second” it is). Tumblr is a blogging platform. Like WordPress and Blogger, but a fun version of it. Your username.tumblr.com page is basically your own custom website.

Enabling your Tumblr Website

From hereon, I’m gonna refer to the “second profile page” as just site because, well, that’s what it really is.

To enable your custom site, go to tumblr.com/settings/blog/username. Toggle on the custom theme option. [If you’re a professional, you can even use a custom domain if you want your site url to look like your-site.com instead of your-site.tumblr.com.]

In the past, the step above would’ve been enough to enable your site, but since Tumblr started implementing changes that sites using the default theme would just redirect to the first profile page (tumblr.com/username), we now have to do some extra steps to make sure that folks visiting at your-site.tumblr.com will really see your website instead of Tumblr’s default profile.

For that, we need to edit our site’s theme.

What are Tumblr themes?

It's basically the design and layout of your site. It can be as crazy or as professional as you want. Here's Taylor Swift's Midnights theme, for example.

Where to Find a Tumblr Theme

Tumblr’s Official Theme Garden (free and paid)

Tumblr’s Official Theme Garden, but filtered to show only the free themes

@theme-hunter

@codingcabin

It’s so hard to filter for the right theme in the Theme Garden though, so I suggest looking for themes in theme-hunter instead.

Tip in Choosing a Theme: Find one that supports NPF (Neue Post Format). Although Tumblr is still advocating its different posts types (text, image, audio, video, etc.), they’ve actually been rolling out changes to their editor where only a single post type is used (text) and you just add media to it. This is what NPF is about. On desktop, you can turn off the beta editor and thereby turn off NPF. However, on mobile web and on the app, posts can only be made in NPF. So if you intend to post on mobile, you have to find a theme that supports it. Otherwise, your content may look weird on your site.

I absolutely recommend themes by @seyche and @fukuo. The one I’m currently using on my site is the Lilac theme by Seyche.

For a more comprehensive guide on customizing your Tumblr, check out Tumblr’s official guide for it.

And that ends part 1 of this Tumblr guide… Though I called this part 1, I actually don’t know if there’ll be a part 2 lol. I’m lazy, and writing this took some time. If my wifi continues to be down though and I still have some data left, I might just write a part 2, covering posting and tumblr culture.

Okay, I'm working on Part 2 now, and will soon edit this post to link to it. But for now, you might want to check out Part 0: What the heck is Tumblr and is it right for me?

Edit: Part 2 is done, and it covers stuff you need to know about posting! You can read it here.

Update: Part 3 (sort of) is up:

A Guide to Tagging on Tumblr: Types of Tags

#miyamiwu.src #miyamiwu.tut

[ficticiousdelicious]

Oh boy. It's been a minute. Community labels? Well I'll be, how fancy, and they actually seem to function properly. *gasp* What a treat... To be clear. I don't trust this one bit, but it's only a system that can hope to work if people use it.

Unfortunately, in my own personal experience, the last time I flagged my posts (you know...to be polite and compliant) Tumblr punished me and thousands of its users by permanently locking our blogs, removing our avatars and hiding ALL of our posts (sfw ones included). Some of you might remember the 'great' Tumblr Purge of 2018, especially if you survived it. I had to make another main blog, because I wasn't given the chance to restore my old blog by making it compliant, so the new one eventually replaced my old one and here we are. I would like to not have to go through that ever again thanks. But we'll see.

Regardless of how miffed I still am and the grudge I cynically cling to for how royally d*cked over so many of us were when we followed the rules, Tumblr is currently under different moderation since the 'great' Purge. As for this moderation's community tags...ok fine. I see you trying. Instead of leaving (I would have left a long time ago) I have reason to indulge this. I thrive on mature content myself but I've also been vastly in favor of making sure it's properly tagged and subject to filters for people who don't want it. I see you out there keeping your minds pure. Respect to that. I've watched filters and tags work in a handful of cases. So I'll try this, Tumblr, but it's probably the last chance I'll give. Please don't screw this up.

For anyone who still consumes the content on my blog or uses it to navigate to my other content please notify me if a post that you like is screwed up. Tell me on this post with a note or send an ask. I'll assess and fix it if I can. Cheers folks~

#FD the Bastard Speaks

[ulaan1]

On Minecraft’s Report System

In the past few months there was a bit of an uproar in the Minecraft community over the 1.19.1 update-- which, besides being the latest lackluster and disappointing content addition, also introduces a controversial global ban system based on in-game player reporting.

Unfortunately, the discourse surrounding this change has been extremely dishonest. I will be fair and say both sides are guilty of this; many who are opposed imply that a Bedrock-style profanity filter is included in this update, which isn’t true. But on the other side, those in support constantly and disingenuously insinuate that all criticism of this system originates from a tiny minority of toxic edgelords and bigots, and that all reasonable people support this system, or are ambivalent towards it.

This is so blatantly false and cynical that I felt compelled to write a post about it. Politically, I am closer to an SJW than most, and as such I would have absolutely zero problem with Minecraft introducing a profanity filter that outright refuses to send messages containing the n-word and other slurs (that means only hateful slurs, and not a massive list that contains many innocuous words, such as “BAMF”, "gay" and "sofa king").

In fact, even if the report system in its current form specifically targeted extremist bigotry like racism, white nationalism, transphobia etc. and nothing else, I would not be writing this post. As far as I'm concerned, bigots don't deserve to have fun.

The reality

Unfortunately, the system reaches much, much farther than the above examples. We can call it a small victory that the category "swearing and profanity" was removed from the list of reportable offenses, but the fact that it was ever included to begin with shows how badly Mojang is missing the point.

And yes, it is indeed Mojang doing this. During this debacle, many people on social media have shown an inclination to blame Microsoft for this decision, absolving the poor, wholesome, relatable Mojang developerinos of any blame for a system clearly "forced upon them" by "out of touch corporate boomers".

Unfortunately, this is probably not accurate. First off, contrary to some other corporations that buy up studios, Microsoft is known to have a fairly hands-off approach toward IPs it buys. They believe that the developers that made it into a brand worth buying know how to handle their business, and if that attitude changed with Minecraft, it would be a first. If anything, Minecraft is the prime example of an IP that has improved tremendously while owned by Microsoft; we got stuff like the Nether Update, which I personally think is one of the best updates Minecraft has had in nearly a decade.

Secondly, Mojang developers, most notably among them Felix "Xilefian", have publicly displayed sentiments like "I wish people didn't bring up 2b2t" (one of the largest multiplayer servers in the world) and, paraphrased, "if you're against this system, you are a clown"; does that sound like someone begrudgingly carrying out the orders of a higher-up corporate entity? Or someone with a specific vision for what the game should be (i.e. an experience for young children), with frustration at the backlash from more mature demographics?

The point I'm trying to make by writing this post is that the majority of people opposed to this change are not, in fact, edgelords who are mad that they can no longer say racial slurs online. There are more serious concerns regarding the precedent it sets for the future of Minecraft multiplayer, that Mojang developers haven’t responded to in any of their lackluster “responses”.

Server ownership and server hosting

I am a server owner. If you're reading this, you probably know that, because who the fuck else reads my blog? But just to put it all out in the open: at this point I’ve invested more than $1000 in a physical machine in my house that, aside from my website, and a discord bot, I use to host several Minecraft servers. With the soaring energy prices in Europe right now, you can bet your ass I’ll end up spending like a third of my yearly income from my shitty part time job on keeping this machine running.

I turned 24 recently, and I have been playing Minecraft for over 12 years, since the very early days when we would get our updates on the Tumblr blog  "The Word of Notch"  and you could play the free game "Minecraft Classic" in your browser. I bought the game in Alpha for $5. I have been involved in hosting private Minecraft servers since at least 2013, and in doing so have been around the block in terms of the different ways people enjoy playing SMP.

Mojang devs have compared the Minecraft Community Standards to Discord's Terms of Service. In fact, they have compared receiving a global ban from Minecraft multiplayer to getting your Discord account terminated for breaking the ToS.

Anyone with a baseline understanding of how this stuff works on a technical level should immediately recognize a big problem with that line of argument.

Discord guilds are "owned" by their creators in name only. They are hosted using proprietary software on privately owned machines operated by Discord Inc. The Company; in this regard they have far more in common with, say, a Facebook account than a Minecraft dedicated server.

The only type of Minecraft server comparable to a Discord server is Realms; they come with the same heavy restrictions on customization for the sake of a guarantee of stability and no back-end administrative headaches, with the hosting handled by the developers themselves.

If you, on the other hand, want to actually operate your own private Minecraft server, you either have to rent server space (for money) from a third party hosting provider unaffiliated with Mojang, or invest significant personal resources (like money) into setting up your own physical server.

In these cases, the only thing provided by Mojang is the Minecraft server software. Everything else; the setup, operation, and maintenance of the actual server, the time and financial investment, the moderation of the community and curation of its contents, are all your responsibility. It’s quite a task, but the people undertaking it are well-equipped to do so.

It’s easy to write off your detractors as a vocal minority. It’s easy to claim that, for example, the Minecraft subreddit is not an accurate representation of the Minecraft playerbase (probably true), or that 2b2t is an unhealthy and toxic environment (definitely true). And yes, there have been serious cases of grooming and danger to children on different Minecraft servers in the world.

But the question isn’t whether or not harmful stuff is going on; the question is whether it’s Mojang’s responsibility to do something about it if it’s happening on someone’s private server, and the answer is a resounding “nope”.

So what does this all mean?

What this means is that Mojang is now enforcing control and undue influence over the goings-on on machines they have no legal authority over.

Yes, pedantic people will say: Well, it’s their server software you’re relying on, and they’re free to change that in any way they want! And yes, that is correct. They are free to dictate what their software does when we choose to use it, but they are also not responsible for how we choose to use it.

It’s also not even true; that we are reliant on their software for our server needs, that is. Running a pure vanilla server is almost unheard of especially public-facing ones; it completely lacks security features, and even back in the day the bare minimum was to run Bukkit + Essentials, with a permissions framework of choice. Nowadays people will bundle the Minecraft server jar with something like PaperMC, Spigot, or other software that increases performance (Mojang’s server software is notoriously ill-equipped for large public multiplayer) as well as fixing numerous bugs that negatively impact the multiplayer experience.

The main problem here, however, is more general than “Mojang is encroaching on my machine! Not in my backyard!!111″.

Mojang is, slowly but surely, changing its attitude towards its playerbase to be increasingly paternalistic and patronizing. Their idea of what their target demographic is has changed drastically from what it used to be.

A good example is how, in the EULA and in other places on the Minecraft website, it is expressed that "griefing" is a negative thing. Now for the average casual survival server, this is obviously true enough that it doesn't need to be emphasized; however, on the other hand, there are various widely popularized PvP gamemodes, like Factions, where griefing is an integral and accepted part of the competitive experience. Given the fact that Mojang interacts with Minecraft content creators regularly, they are undoubtedly aware of this. And yet, they choose to include it in the EULA. Why?

It all makes a lot more sense if you see Minecraft not as the game you remember from 10 years ago, but as the game it is right now. The overt majority of the Minecraft playerbase now consists of children and young teenagers who started playing after the Microsoft acquisition and have no particular love for “edgy” or “old-school” communities.

The comparatively miniscule holdover of adults who’ve been playing Minecraft since the early days simply does not make Mojang enough Sweet Ca$$$h Money to warrant giving a shit about. And yet, I’m pretty sure that the old-school Minecraft fanbase from back in the day is overrepresented among server operators, and are indispensable to keeping the landscape of privately hosted multiplayer servers interesting and vibrant.

Think of the children...!

Unfortunate, the truth is that those large-scale multiplayer experiences, while they’re run by adults, are mostly populated by children, and sweeping legislation to “protect minors online” is always on the horizon both in the EU and the United States; massive internet platforms full of children, such as Minecraft, have to pre-empt the possibility of getting sanctioned if it turns out that any child can freely connect to 2b2t and instantly get their chat filled with racial slurs and sexual innuendo.

At the end of the day, Mojang has simply correctly identified that their primary source of revenue is forever going to be young kids, or more accurately, their parents; whereas the adults who bought the game for cheap in 2011 aren’t going to make them any more money.

In a changing online media landscape it is in their best interest to reform their platform to be maximally appealing to parents, authorities, educators and children; and if you’re the kind of person who wants total personal control and ownership of your online experience, you are just shit out of luck.

And ultimately, if you do end up getting banned for something unfair, and the ban appeal process doesn’t overturn it, then what’s left? Well, if you really want to continue having the full experience, you would probably just purchase a new account. To them, there is no downside in this scenario; sweeping moderation guarantees to take care of 100% of toxicity and threats to their increasingly pre-teenaged playerbase, and the few cases that aren’t valid are either fixed through recourse... or by giving Mojang another $20.

Now, I strongly doubt this was some sort of nefarious scheme to make everyone buy additional copies of the game, as some particularly cynical redditors have insinuated, but if that thought ever did cross their minds, it certainly wouldn’t be an argument against the current incarnation of the report system. Ultimately, Mojang’s attitude is: if you are flagged in any way as a source of harmful conduct on our children’s game, you don’t get the benefit of the doubt: we excise you.

The thing they’re painfully oblivious to, for some reason, though, is that there is no overarching multiplayer experience. There is no single “children’s game”; there is still, to this day, no Roblox-esque central Mojang-hosted multiplayer platform to which all Minecraft Java Edition players connect in order to play. There are only the millions of privately hosted machines, such as mine, and there should be no arbiter of what is “toxic” in my server, except myself, my userbase, and the applicable laws in my polity.

Mojang’s community outreach and policing should remain strictly limited to those who want to be reached out to and policed.

The alternatives

If we accept the premise of my last paragraph, then what could Mojang do instead? 

Extending them the benefit of the doubt, the devs and their bootlickers have argued on several occasions that “many server owners are not equipped to handle the moderation of their communities". Weird take, but ok; based on no real data as far as I can tell, but let’s roll with it for a moment.

If that’s true, then what should Mojang do? Pick your answer:

A) Mojang should provide server owners with more effective moderation tools, such as a way for players to report other players to the server owner.

B) Mojang should implement a mandatory global moderation system that bypasses server owners altogether and thus reduces the control and social authority they have over their communities.

It’s glaringly obvious that, if you really think about it, their decision in this case does not make logical sense. Perhaps that’s the reason why they haven’t replied in any real depth to the question of why, exactly, this system is being implemented?

Either way, the most obvious solution and compromise would be to make the report system opt-in. If a server owner does in fact believe they are ill-equipped to handle the moderation of their own server (then why are you starting a public server in the first place? but ok.)  then they can simply decide they are okay with Mojang’s trained moderators (or “Minecraft Investigators”) to do the job for them.

The real alternative, though, that would actually satisfy everyone, is to have the report menu as it currently exists implemented into the game, but send its report output to the server owner instead of to Mojang, unless the server owner has explicitly chosen to send it to Mojang.

This would not be hard. This would be welcomed with open arms by the server admin community. In fact, if this were to be combined with real public server security features like build protection and such, it would be one of the greatest updates for multiplayer hosting in the history of the game.

Alas, it’s not what we got.

I will certainly continue to play Minecraft. I will continue to host multiplayer servers, thanks to the existence of mods like "No Chat Reports". But the sad reality, I think, is that this trend is going to continue. Mojang is very likely to continue prescribing particular ways to play their game and interact with their services, despite the decentralized nature of the platform.

At least we can be sure the smart people in our community will continue to find ways around it. That, too, is the beauty of having third-party server management.

#minecraft #minecraft servers #minecraft 1.19 #chat reporting #minecraft report system #mojang #microsoft #microjang

[shadowcutie]

Here’s some resources to help you make text-based interactive fiction games!

Totally unprompted!  There’s certainly nothing going on in a certain forum right now (or rather an on-going issue).  Nope, I just thought it would be nice to share some resources.  ;)

-----

Twine

Twine is such an easy tool to use.  It uses its own scripting language Sugarcube (there’s also Harlowe and Snowman, but they don’t have the same functionality and creator support as Sugarcube does to my knowledge), Javascript, and CSS.

Twine is FREE!!!

Sugarcube literally gives you a save function (which does browser and save to desktop)!!!  Be the save-hoarding goblin you were born to be!

It’s criminally easy to make games with Twine.  They make it easy to make stats, relationships, and other info pages.  When setting up the paths you can literally see arrows pointing where they lead, you can move passages around visually so you can group them up by chapter/scene/etc......to be fair once your game gets BIG it can get messy and confusing.

I have coding experience prior to finding Twine, but I’m absolutely certain anyone can make great games with Twine.  If all your doing is making text-based ‘more story than game’ games, then you’ll be doing minimal coding (setting variables, if/else statements, using text boxes, etc) so you shouldn’t have any issues.

If you do have issues I’m 99% certain someone has had your issue before, and the answer is one google search away.

You can use Twine in your browser, just be careful to not mess with the data/cookies or you can lose your games (totally not speaking from experience)....archive your games often if you use Twine in browser.  You can also download Twine, so you can use it offline!

Links:

Twine

SugarCube v2 Documentation - Your new best friend.

With the Settings API you can add a mature filter, different style themes (great for light/dark themes and color blind themes...or just different themes to look cool), difficulty settings, volume control, etc.

HiEv’s SugarCube 2 Sample Code - An ever-expanding collection of code, tips, macros, widgets.  A good mix of fun and useful stuff.

^ Includes a great pronoun widget!!!  To be fair it’s not the most user-friendly widget at first, especially if you aren’t a coder, but in the long run a widget like this is a great tool for customizing pronouns.  It allows you to write a character in the code with one set of pronouns throughout the game ($They $are a great $person), the widget selects the correct word through an switch (aka a fancy if/else) statement when the character is assigned a pronoun......so when playing a female it would display as “She is a great girl”, a male would be “He is a great guy”, and nonbinary would be “They are a great person”.  You can add neopronouns this way too!

Chapel’s custom macros - Chapel has a lot of cool macros, but a lot of them are more advanced.  Very few have been useful for the kinds of games I want to make, but they may be useful for you.

r/twinegames - Twine has some older forums, which are still up (though not active) and have helpful answers on them, but the current forum is found on reddit.

w3schools - When it’s time to style your game, this will be your lifeline.  Even today, like...seven years after first learning CSS I still come back to w3schools all the time. !!!Twine has funky class/id selectors for it’s built in stuff so refer back to the SugarCube Documentation!!!

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Itch.io

Itch doesn’t take ownership of your content!

It doesn’t have DRM!

You can host your games for free, paid, or free with donation.

It does take a cut of your sales “The Company shall be entitled to a share of the revenue Publishers receive from Transactions which shall be calculated on the gross revenue from the Transactions“ (I’ve seen 30% but I’ve also seen “Lets you choose what to give them” so I’m not exactly sure how much their cut is).

THERE IS NO RESTRICTION ON CONTENT ASSUMING IT’S LEGAL (though if collecting payment you may be under different restrictions per the payment provider’s policy), so please make all the twisted, dark, disturbing, and/or sexual games you want!!!

Links:

Itch.io

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r/interactivefictions

r/interactivefictions is a good place for game recs, coding/writing resources, etc.

Links:

r/interactivefictions

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Tumblr

Tumblr is...well we’re all on here so we know how tumblr is like.

Great tags to look at: #interactive fiction, #interactive novel, #interactive game, #twine game, #dev log, #IF, #if game, #upcoming game, #promo post

Tumblr is a great platform, but as every creator knows...Reblog!!!  Reblog!!! Reblog!!!  The lifeblood of tumblr is reblogging.

I’ve found SOOOO many games I would never have known existed through if-creator’s blogs just because they reblogged a post from another if-creator.

@interact-if and @iorifd​ are doing great work!  They collect games, share helpful coding/writing tips, etc.  Go show them some love!  Interact-if runs the subreddit mentioned above, and iorifd is working on a database for visual novels and text-based games.

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IFDB (Interactive Fiction Database)

IFDB is a database for interactive fiction games.  You can add new game listings, write reviews, make game polls, make game recommendation lists, etc.

IFDB seems to like their parser games (parsers being where you type in commands like “go west”, “open door”, etc).

It actually has a pretty good filter and ignore system.

Links:

IFDB

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Obviously this isn’t the end all be all of dev tools or hosting platforms for interactive fiction.  Ink is a scripting tool similar to Twine I’ve only heard of recently that might be interesting to you.  Ren’Py, although primarily a visual novel engine, can be used to make text-based games.  The only other hosting alternative I know is DashingDon, I THINK they only host ChoiceScript games and I don’t think you can sell through them, but it’s a good place regardless.

Cheers! :D

#Game development #Interactive Fiction #IF #IF game #Twine #I want to start making games...I know the coding part...it's just the story and writing part ://// #lmaoooo maybe some day #for now I will continue to enjoy IFs from the sidelines

[friendlystarfruit]

Free Art and Fanfiction

All minors must filter the  tag  #smut  and #horror  or else just not interact  (minors under 16  never interact  even if I censor a lot on here  (18+ content) through tags and the new filter system   I still make the odd innuendo joke and I don't intend to censor my whole blog)

If there is some issue please dm to talk it over, if you need me to add tags to filter content or something else , we can talk it through and I’ll try to accommodate. (=   (I may myself  unfollow accounts for various reasons , e.g  I  do not like  or respect animal exploitation and posts belittling  , petty or disrespectful to  animals and animal rights advocates is not something I want to see on my dash )  

Tipping  ----> https://ko-fi.com/friendlystarfruit I’d appreciate  it but don’t expect many if any tips xD *tiny violin plays* I often put  a lot of labour  into my requests but my skill needs a lot for work. I do it all for free though.

My oc couple if you need references to draw them:

ref sheets here and also this  (last one is commission by  normal_project)

requests  : closed atm

I also will be working on a  fic request (for mutual I might open fic requests for others in future but had the ol writers block o) 

If you want to write about or draw my ocs thats super cool I don’t expect many people do do that but if you want to you can (=, just give credit to me for creating my ocs and their lore. Oh and you don’t have to but I’d love you to share any art or writing about them with me =3.

For fanfiction repost *only* fanfics I wrote for you and give credit. (= Reposting links to fanfics is fine though.

You can ask for more and if I have time I’ll do it, I just like to focus on a few requests at a time

(Just to add if I get too many commissions I may not be able to do  every ones )

I do  fanfic requests for #smut and #horror so you can filter the tag smut to avoid it !  (tumblr has added a new content filter so now I can use that too)

Regarding reposting:

: repost with credit is fine,( the few   exceptions are further down  ) if you repost my ocs make sure to credit me for their creation <3 , if you repost somebody else’s art of my ocs you will have to also ask them for permission.

You can ask anon or not anon. Just remember I’m doing this for practising to learn to draw manga  also for free, don’t expect anything to blow you away.  (ITS FREE REMEMBER so go easy on me ;) )

I’m open to draw animals too , I can draw horses, dragons , I can  give furriers  ago too.

-If I am too busy or have too many requests I might not be able to do everyone’s request

-2 Figures might do up to 3 though 

-I prioritise own character  requests  above all else

-nothing too complicated

-if you ask for couples expect errors drawing characters interacting is a challenge for me be I will give it ago,  I can draw  lgbtq couples too

-expect poor shading and errors

-nothing illegal

- Please no requests sexualizing   minors , if  characters are 12 and up I might be ok with  characters hand holding or something cute and midly romantic  but even then I may still age up characters to 16+ . and will never draw anything too mature for any character under 18 in fact I might even age up to 21 

-nothing  offensive (you know racist , homophobic etc) 

-dont sell requests or use them commercially  (unless you get permission by me) (you can use art in fanfics  (as long as they aren't  underage ,shapes or anything hateful, bigoted etc just credit me)

-Don't use my art to promote harm or discrimination to others (including animals )

-dm for anything nswf you must be 18 +(If it isn’t too difficult or makes me too uncomfortable I’ll do it but you have to dm me , I don’t do nswf for anons I can’t post that shit out in the open)

- I don’t draw cars, robots , buildings , flowers but I can try   I’m focused on drawing people, animals and monsters

-If you forget to credit me for reposting requests its not the end of the world just try and always remember to credit  any reposts of my ocs

Samples:

(Drawings using Graphic tablet with monitor, drawing without monitor will be more messy ) 

(Traditional sketches )

(Ive closed  fic requests but you can still request I might still  consider  )

For fanfiction I do fluff, smut and comedy  I don’t do anything with underage characters or anything that makes me too uncomfortable  

(if I get too many commissions or do busy  I may not be able to do one everyones )

fandoms I currently do  are rune factory 4  , AOT characters , and Arataki Itto/Reader  Arataki Itto Gorou and Gorou  /Reader.  - https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlystarfruit/works but feel free to ask for others I’ll let you know if I can write for them

All x readers requests need details about  what you want reader to be like, I’m bad at making reader neutral, give me details so they have a personality ;p  

you must be 18 + for  any smut.

I’ll also be open to writing about my own characters if people ever become interested , I’m working on my own fiction but I’m currently at the design stage.

#Free Art and Fanfiction #friendly star fruit #friendly start fruit requests #friendly star fruit art #friendly starfruit art #my star fruit art

[wiypt-writes]

Murder, He Wrote

Part 4 Co-Written with @southerngracela​

Summary: Ransom shows you a softer side, but when the table flips he leaves you with no doubt that he’s still just as dangerous as he has always been…

Warnings: Bad language words. MATURE (NSFW 18+) NON-CON situation, kidnap, violence. DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THOSE TRIGGER… READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

Pairing: DARK! Ransom Drysdale x Reader

A/N:  So this is Part 4 to our submission for @jtargaryen18​ ‘s Haunted House 2020  Challenge. My writing partner @southerngracela​ is currently on an indefinite hiatus from Tumblr, and I’ve sadly no idea when she will be back. However, this chapter was pretty much finished before she took her break and the rest of the series is also planned out to finish, so as per her blessing before she took time out, I’m intending on finishing what we started.

READ THE WARNINGS!!!! This is a DARK Series… don’t @ us if you can’t follow simple instructions and end up with butt-hurt. And if you’re under 18…get off my blog.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and by writing it does NOT mean I agree with or condone the acts contained within. This fiction is classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar reader and any other OCs that may or may not be mentioned. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Murder, He Wrote Masterlist // Main Masterlist.

Part 3

True to his word, Ransom had let you spend the day with him after Blanc's visit. It was a day interestingly enough your mind wandered back to, if not for the change in scenery, but for the change in his demeanour. A couple of weeks had since passed from then, but the memory was burned in your brain. And since, you'd spent far more than just a day above the confines of your room. Almost every morning since he’d ‘allowed’ you to make breakfast and most mornings, unless he was heading out to wherever he went, he then let you stay upstairs with him whilst he plugged away at the book he was writing. That in and of itself had come as a shock to you, to learn he was an aspiring author for sure, but you had simply nodded and encouraged him when he had told you. And you had quickly realised that when he was busy writing, you could get busy reading one of the many books or writing in your journal while sat in the large study and he left you pretty much alone.

Which is where you were currently sat now, curled up on the leather sofa as he sat at his desk, tapping away at his laptop, your journal open in your lap and a leather bound copy of ‘Great Expectations’ lay next to you, the page marked waiting for you to pick up from where you had left off the previous evening. As you thumbed the pages of your journal to find the next blank page, you had to smile at the little doodle of a Christmas tree that caught your eye in the top right hand corner of a page you’d written a few days back, the day you’d convinced Ransom that he should at least get one Christmas Tree. He’d obliged, had one; only the one, delivered and permitted you to decorate it how you’d wanted to and even managed a little smile when you stepped back and proudly showed the finished product to him. Then, of course, quid-pro-quo, he had had expected something in return which you’d given, because let’s face it, he’d have taken it anyway.

You’d seen a softer side to him that day, and not for the first time either. Granted, non-asshole Ransom wasn’t an everyday feature by any stretch of the imagination, but you’d seen it twice now. You paused, and then thumbed back a few pages to the day you were now remembering, the day you’d first been confronted with a very different Ransom to the one you were used to dealing with. One that came out of nowhere.

It was a wet day, an early winter storm passing through New England. You were sure it could have snowed but instead, it was just wet and cold. He'd come down with breakfast, instead of inviting you up. He'd brought you warm oatmeal with cream and cinnamon, a small bowl of blueberries on the side and a pinch dish of raisins, having forgotten how you took your oatmeal. A cup of coffee, steaming on the tray. He'd set up your breakfast on the table and sat across from you, not eating. He hadn't even brought coffee for himself. 

You'd assessed his mood as morose, distant even. You didn't press, but rather waited for him to out himself and his particular mood. You'd come to recognize when he was thinking and this morning, he was all thought and no presence. 

"I'll be gone most of the day," he finally came clean, just as you'd finished your oatmeal. 

"Okay," you replied. He hadn't ever really announced his plans to you before. He'd just come and go at all times as he'd liked, never leaving you home alone without the doors locked. This willingness to let you in on his plans for the day fielded a small red flag in your mind and if you were honest with yourself, you felt like this was a test. He said nothing else, just picked up your breakfast dishes and left. 

In the time he was gone, you'd managed to shower, nap, write and read. You were growing hungry for dinner, having had to skip lunch in his absence. Then you heard it, the tell-tale signs of his return. The clicks of doors and sounds of boots on the floor above you. The jingle of keys, and a few failed attempts at unlocking your door. A 'fuck' and a 'God damn it' before the door opened and there he stood. Soaked to the bone, dressed in all black from his coat to his toes. Was that ice on the tips of his hair? Was he drunk or just having a moment? Fingers frozen from the cold. 

'Jesus Christ, you're soaked.'  You said as you took him in. His lips looked a little discolored, his skin more alabaster than ivory. Throwing caution to the wind, you grabbed your throw from the chair as you passed it by. 'Get that coat off,' you pulled at its thick woolen collar. The heavy fabric peeled away from his broad shoulders and you let it fall to the floor. You heaved the throw over him and pulled it closed around his thick chest. 'You're not getting sick and leaving me here to rot.'

You moved to give him some space and guide himself further into the room, but ice cold fingers wrapped around your wrist and you stopped dead in your tracks. Your eyes moved upwards from where his hand swallowed you're wrist, along the wet fabric of his black sweater, water droplet covered neck, to eyes that were lost and distant, just as they were that morning, but much worse. 

You were nearly as frozen as his fingers were, not sure what to say or do. Worried about consequence. So you just stared back. 

'Thank you', it was barely audible as the words poured from his lips. 

'Of course.' You weren't sure what he was thankful for but you replied anyway. Cautiously, you continued, 'Will you come sit down? Do you want something warm to drink?' You wanted to ask where he'd been but that was a slippery slope. 

'Not here,' he replied. 

'Upstairs then, in the lounge,' you suggested. He nodded and turned on his heel, a glance over his shoulder to see if you were coming. You followed, pulling your cardigan around you tightly as the chill from the basement filtered through you, or was it coming away from him, you weren't sure. 

You'd thought the lounge was where you were headed but instead, he'd headed for the kitchen, taking a seat at the table there. When he didn't provide instruction or conversation, you inhaled deeply and thought of something to warm you both from the inside-out. You felt his eyes on you as you gathered the ingredients you needed, cocoa, chocolate chips, milk. The cinnamon sticks from the cupboard. You were careful not to make too much of a clatter as you pulled the sauce pan from under the counter. 

In minutes, fresh hot chocolate was in two steaming mugs with whipped cream and freshly grated cinnamon. You handed him a mug and then sat across from him, your mug between your fingers. You watched as he sipped from his mug, blowing a little on the liquid before his lips touched it. His eyes closed as if he was stuck in a memory, his expression softening. 

His eyes opened and he sighed, 'I can't remember the last time I had something like this. I was just a kid, my nana was still alive. It amazes me how they turned out from the two of them.'

'Money changes people,' you commented. You assumed 'they' meant his family, or at least more specifically, his mother and her two brothers, one of which had been gone for years. 

He scoffed, 'fuck my family.'

Throwing caution to the wind, you asked, 'is that where you were?' You couldn't have guessed, given he was usually extremely angry and frustrated when he'd spent time with anyone in the Thrombey-Drysdale family tree. 

He frowned and nodded. 

'What happened?' You couldn't resist.

'Harlan's memorial.'

'Oh' . You said unable to think of anything else to respond with, because really what else could you say. He’d attended a memorial for the grandfather that would still be alive had it not been for him. 

'Oh, indeed,' he mused, long fingers flexing around the mug. 'Surely, you’ve figured out I wasn’t particularly welcome.' 

You couldn't say more, he wasn't wrong. You bit the inside of your lip and swallowed hard. He needed comfort. But would you give it to him? Was he deserving of that? Hell no, but your heart ached for him a little. It couldn't have been easy. But maybe this was his punishment for avoiding the ultimate consequence.

'Go on, say it.'

'Say what?' 

'That I deserve it.' He looked at you, 'I know that’s what you’re thinking.' He leaned back, 'maybe you’re right.' 

Well, that threw you. 'I don't know what I'm thinking, to be honest.' You leaned forward, intending to slip the mug from his hands and take them in yours, but you caught yourself and stopped. That was a step that you weren’t quite ready for, or willing as might be more accurate, to take. 'But, I can tell you're hurting and despite what happened, how it happened, you deserve to say goodbye without the rage and selfishness that got you here.'

'Well,' he leaned back and took another sip from his mug, 'that’s certainly not what they thought. Meg assured me I'm still the stuck up prick without my trust fund.'

A small smirk played over your lips, barely noticeable, 'fuck your family.' 

'Careful, Sweetheart,' he smirked, but there was no threat in his words, not this time. He was genuinely amused.

You managed a slight shrug, 'If there’s one thing I learned from writing about you and your ridiculously entitled family tree, it's that each and every one of you is all about everyone for themselves.' You took a deep breath, waiting for the repercussions to fall. 'What happened, happened. Now, this is what you have, so own it.' 

You flinched a little as his hand reached to scrub at his clean shaven chin, finger tracing his bottom lip as he studied you for a second before he took a deep breath and reached back for his mug. 'I think you need to make this for me more often.' He stated simply, and just like that, the deep foray into his emotions and psyche was over, and the barriers were closed once more.  

'Sure.' You nodded. 'Whatever you want.' 

At that he gave a little scoff. 'Sure, whatever I want.' 

Silence filled the room again, your mind not sure what to make of that last comment, and his was clearly working overtime, you could tell by the way his eyes were still glazed as he simply stared down at the mug in his hand. The rest of the time you sat by the table was quiet, and you were surprised to find yourself a little disappointed. This was the first real meaningful conversation you’d had with him since arriving here. Sure you’d talked, but never once had you got any insight into what exactly made him tick. You’d learned more in the last ten minutes or so than you had in the entire six weeks you’d been his captive.

His captive. 

The words echoed in your mind and you swallowed as you remembered exactly what it was you were doing here. This wasn’t by choice, this man wasn’t your friend or your lover, he was your captor, keeping you for his own entertainment, which he was no doubt going to be seeking from you again tonight.

'I think I need a shower,' he leaned forward, disturbing your thoughts.

'Okay,' You replied. 'I'll, uh, well you know where to find me when you're ready for me. Anything in particular you'd like me to wear tonight?' 

'No, not tonight,' he answered with assurance, his voice carrying a low yet soft tone. 'You can go read or whatever it is you do when I'm gone.' You blinked, temporarily dumfounded and he looked at you, snorting a little. 'What? You want me to come and have my way with you?' 

'Is that a trick question?' You blurted out before you could stop yourself, before you swallowed and waited for the admonishing, but it never came. Instead he chuckled and shook his head.  

'Didn’t think so.' With that he rose from his chair, reaching for your empty mug as he passed. His fingers lightly brushed yours and you were jolted by the sudden sparks that flew up your arm and you took a little breath as he passed, depositing your mugs in the sink. Without another word he breezed from the kitchen for the first time, leaving you alone in the room.

It left you perplexed. Completely and utterly perplexed. He never left you alone, even the weeks on your cycle he’d found other ways for you to satisfy him, with your mouth or your hand for instance, but tonight…

Taking a deep breath, you headed back to your room. You didn’t even look at the main door to the house, there was no point. It was always locked and you knew what the consequences would be if you left. Besides, you wouldn’t get far. Not to mention you had no idea where you actually where and the thought of being outside alone in the dark, frankly scared you to death. No, you were better here. At least you knew it was warm, and familiar.

You headed down the stairs and got ready for bed. You settled in with your book, and after a while your ears pricked up as you heard footsteps outside your room. You swallowed, clearly he had changed his mind. But, as you set your book aside, it wasn’t the sound of the door opening followed by his feet padding down the stairs that you heard, it was the lock clicking as he shut you in for the night.

The sound of the doorbell jerked you away from your memory. Ransom frowned and looked up from the screen of his laptop before his eyes caught yours and he gave a little smirk.

“Expecting someone?”

You rolled your eyes at his asshole joke and he chuckled to himself, grabbing his phone. As he saw who it was at the door his good humour slipped from his face and without another word he rose from his chair. He paused in the doorway and turned to you. “No funny business, remember…” 

 “Yes, I know.” You replied quietly. “You know where my family are.”

He hesitated, almost as if he was about to say something else, but he didn’t. Instead he turned and left the room to answer the door. 

The study wasn't far from the lounge merely the next room down, and the lounge was closest to the door so you tuned your focus to the voice speaking with Ransom. You recognized it and suddenly found yourself adjusting your tee and duster, making sure the cuffs on your jeans were even. You could hear the distress in his tone, the guest was unwanted and you hadn't realized you were now in the hall beside him. You noticed he took a step back towards you, as if he knew you were there. 

Linda Thrombey's eyes raked over you, in shock and disbelief. “What the hell is she doing here?” 

As she glared, you shifted uncomfortably, your hands pulling on the sleeves of the duster sweater you wore as you swallowed.

“She’s with me.” Ransom replied, his tone even.

“With you as in 'with you'?” Linda turned her eyes back to him, distaste evident on her face.

“Is that a problem, Mother, because you know where the door is.”

It was a problem, you could see it in her face as she once more looked at you, but instead of sniping back she simply took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

"No, I just wasn't aware you'd have company." Her eyes flicked back to Ransom who simply shrugged.

"Since when did you know anything about what I do on a daily basis, Mother?"

"Don't start, Ransom. I'm not in the mood and I didn't come here for a fight."

 "Then pray do tell, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Can you stop being such a sarcastic little shit for once in your life?" she snapped.

You stilled a little, your eyes flicking to Ransom and you were surprised to find that instead of the usual anger you expected, his face remained passive on the whole, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes, something that, well had it been anyone else you'd have sworn was concern. But Hugh Ransom Drysdale wasn't concerned about anyone but himself...

“What’s happened?” he asked, his voice still gruff but there was a softer note to his voice. Linda took a deep breath and she shook her head.

"I felt a call to tell you wasn't appropriate and this needed to be handled in person." She fixed him with a look. “It’s your Greatnanna Wanetta. She died last night, Ransom.”

You froze, hearing the news leave his mother's mouth and you suddenly felt sorry for him. Ransom, stood there stoic, his eyes fixated on his mother.

“Was it peaceful?” he eventually asked, his voice measured.

“In her sleep.” Linda replied, her tone soft.

Ransom stayed silent for a moment, his chest rising and falling slowly as he took deep breaths. His expression was unreadable as he simply looked at his Mother, before he raised his eyebrows inhaling slowly.

“Was there anything else?” He exhaled, and Linda simply shook her head at him, a huff of annoyed laughter escaping her.

“That’s all you have to say?” She asked, incredulously, as Ransom shrugged with a petulantly nonchalant air, and you saw Linda’s face redden as she exploded "Oh for God's sakes, Ransom, you really are such a selfish little bastard, aren't you?”

“What do you want me to say?” He asked, his tone measured. “You said it was peaceful and she didn’t suffer.”

“No, I said she went in her sleep.” Linda corrected him. “I imagine she did suffer, how could she not after everything that happened, huh? Hell, she probably died of a broken heart”.

At that you saw Ransom’ nostril’s flare as his eyes burned into Linda’s face, a flush of red rising up his neck.

"Get out," he deadpanned. When Linda made no attempt to move, Ransom stepped forward yanked open the front door of the house, gesturing with his arm. “I’m not gonna ask again. Go.”

"Ransom..." Linda tried to strong arm her way to stay.

"Are you deaf or just fucking stupid?" Ransom replied, his voice didn't even raise in volume but something about it made you shiver. He was positively frightening when he was in this frame of mind.

You watched as Linda gave him a final glare and stepped outside without so much as a glance back, the slam of the door behind her making you jump.

Ransom saw his mother out but didn't return to the study, in fact he ignored Y/N's presence in the hall entirely. Instead, he sulkingly moved towards the wet bar in the lounge. He didn't even bother with the glass, he picked up the first bottle he could wrap his fingers around and white knuckled the neck, spinning the cap off, it clinking to the floor. He downed a long pull, the amber liquid burning sinfully as it coated his throat, his eyes stinging but not from the booze. 

“Are you okay?” Y/N’s soft voice startled him as he hadn’t heard her enter the lounge. Taking a deep breath, he wiped his hand over his face, and turned to look at her, his jaw clenching.

“Did I say you could leave the study? Did I say you could join the conversation with Linda?” His voice was steely, flat, but he knew full well that she understood that to mean he was pissed and she visibly recoiled in the doorway, her eyes widening. When she didn’t answer immediately he slammed the bottle he was holding down on the bar top, and when he spoke again his voice was louder as he demanded an answer. “Did I?”

“No.” She answered with a quiver, “But I…”

“But I…” he mocked, sneering before he scoffed. “You know considering how smart you’re supposed to be, at times you’re really fucking stupid.”

Y/N blinked a little, and opened her mouth to talk but she fumbled over her words as she frantically began to apologise, which simply served to irritate him even more. With a frustrated growl he reached out and grabbed her chin, forcing her head up to look at his.

"You do as I say, when I say it. That rule has NEVER changed," his voice was filled with venom. “I didn’t ask for your sympathy. And I certainly don’t need your pity.”

“That’s not...” she whimpered slightly, and the grip he had on her face tightened causing her to cry out. “Hugh, please!”

And there it was, that fucking name.

You immediately realised your mistake as his face burned red and his lips curled up into an ugly sneer.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…you were hurting me and…”

“You think I give a shit?” He spat, and the hand suddenly released your face only to wrap painfully in your hair. Without so much as another word he began pulling you from the room, ignoring your shouts of pain and protest as you wrapped both your hands around his wrists, desperately trying to get him to release you. But it was no good, the more you struggled, the tighter his grip became.

Before you knew what had happened he’d dragged you to the door that led to your room and down the stairs, your feet slipping slightly, causing you to stumble, harshly banging your knee on the bottom few steps where he finally released you, shoving you harshly. Your balance already gone, you stumbled and collided harshly with the side of the vanity table, the pain in your cheekbone causing you to yell out once more as the stars exploded in front of your eyes.

It took you a moment to shake off the daze, and when you finally did you looked up to see his retreating back heading up the stairs, slamming the door behind him. With a gasp you slumped down, your back against the wood of the dressing unit, your hand reaching up to your tender face. From somewhere upstairs in the house you heard another door slam, then a moment or so later there was a roar of an engine, which was followed by nothing but eerie silence.

Hugging your knees to your chest you let out a sob as the tears streaming as uncontrollably down your face.

***** All he could see was rage. Red, hot, firey rage. He slammed the basement door and didn't miss the bar cart on his way out, a full bottle of top shelf scotch in his hand, coat and keys in the other. He drove for miles, no destination in his conscious mind but a rather interesting one in his subconscious.

Headstones came into view until his SUV stopped at the end of the grassy knoll where the mausoleum stood surrounded by trees. He climbed out of the car, bottle clutched in his hand and shut the door behind him, simply leaning against the dark metal of his vehicle. For a long while, he didn't move, he simply stared at the entry, gulping large pulls of the scotch as he stared. His thoughts raced and raced, almost making him dizzy. It was that or the fast burn of the booze.

It felt like a flash of his life replaying in his mind. His great-nana, his grandparents, his parents, a life of entitlement growing up, parties, recreational drugs, booze, women, his fight with Harlan, his sudden plot to commit murder and then the crime, his arrest, and then the visions came to a halt with a mind bending pain and at the end of that pain was Y/N.

Her face, her scent, her voice. The way she felt beneath him, around him…those breathy, little moans, sighs. They’d connected recently, Ransom was sure of it, ever since he’d invited her upstairs and let her do something as mundane as cook. They talked more, engaged more, he no longer fucked her and left, instead he’d dress and hang around for a while, and he liked it. But then, today, after his Mother’s visit, those eyes which had mesmerised him from the moment he’d met her had once more reflected fear and confusion.

And Ransom didn’t like it.

Where that fear had, at one point, given him a buzz, now it simply served to remind him exactly how things had been when he had first taken her, and he didn’t like that one bit. He’d grown to crave the other things, like the way she would touch his arm or squeeze his hand. The way she smiled and spoke. The way she made him feel human, not some ghastly, beastly monster capable of killing someone. But he hurt her, more times than he wanted to admit. He hurt her and did things to her, he was vile and despicable. He WAS those things everyone said. 

He was a fucking monster.

He felt the upheaval of emotions begin to collapse around him and he fell to his knees. The sting started and he couldn't stop it. An outpouring of emotions, years, decades even of built up anger, resentment, unhappiness, disgust, fear, pain all erupted in a strangled cry as his chest heaved and his heart raced. Salty steaks of tears wet his cheeks.

And all Ransom Drysdale felt in that moment in time was utter defeat.

His Greatnanna, the only other member of his family who truly ever cared about him, that remained on his side or remotely understood him other than Harlan was now gone and the realization of loneliness hit him like a ton of bricks. His body shook, his chest ached, his mind grew numb and all he could do was cry. 

What the fuck had he become, WHO had he become? What did he do? Why did he do it? This was all his fault, Harlan didn't deserve to be cold in the ground. He did this, all of this. Again, but why?

He had absolutely no answer other than because he could. 

It grew cold, dark, and late. The scotch was gone, his eyes burned and he couldn't breathe through his nose. At this point he didn't care if he made it back in one piece. He was a piece of shit and deserved everything that came to him by way of a tragedy. He climbed into his SUV and tried to collect enough sobriety to drive towards home. Towards her.

******

You had no idea how long you sat on the floor, but by the time you finished crying and had mustered enough about you to move; you were cold, stiff and aching from sitting in the same position for so long. Your face hurt from the blow you’d taken against the dresser, your knee hurt from where you’d banged it but all that paled into insignificance to the pain that was going on inside your chest.

You didn’t understand why Ransom had flipped like he had. For a few weeks now, things had been okay between you, good even. He’d been reasonably amenable to most of your requests and dare you say it, almost happier in himself. But all this served to remind you what lay underneath that façade. A dangerous narcissist with the ability to swap his face and mood at the click of a finger.

Or, in this case, a visit from his mother.

You wiped at your face, hissing as your fingers brushed your tender cheekbone and with a slight whimper of pain you pushed yourself up off the floor and stumbled over to your bed where you lay down and curled up, hugging your pillow to your chest.

You must have dozed off, because the next thing you recall it was dark and you were still cold. Whilst the basement was equipped with heaters, you couldn’t shake the chill from your bones so you decided that your best option to warm up, and ease your aches and pains was a nice, hot bath. Stretching out slightly, you gave yourself a moment before you pushed yourself up, flicking on the lamp on the nightstand before you got up and headed into the bathroom, flicking on the light. 

You paused at the basin unit, glancing at your reflection and you swallowed at the sight of the bruise that was already forming around your right eye and cheek socket. Swallowing the emotion you felt at seeing your face marked once more in such a way, you turned your attention to the bath and the suddenly remembered that the other night Ransom had presented you with a bag from a Boutique you liked that sold home-made soaps and bath bombs, clearly having been in one of his good moods that day. You had yet to unpack it all and put it in the bathroom, so, deciding that you were going to use one tonight, you turned to head back and grab the bag, but as you emerged into the main part of your room, you were stopped short as a thick chest, covered in a ribbed white tee, a hint of a cardigan peeking out as broad shoulders kept warm by a camel coloured coat blocked your path.

You gasped and felt your belly drop out. Your body immediately began quaking in fear as he stood so close to you. You cowered away, taking a half step back but it wasn't enough to put space between you as his hand gently grabbed your upper arm and pulled you into his chest, a shriek emitting from your voice. 

"Don't," his voice cracked. "Don't scream, I'm not gonna..." his words trailed off and he just shook his head. 

He held you against him. You were sure he could feel you trembling as his large hands pressed against your back. You inhaled a deep, shaky breath through your nose and was met with his scent. He smelled so good, like an expensive aftershave with hints of amber and sandalwood, cedar and vanilla but there was an underlying, distinct aroma of alcohol, scotch you suspected, unless you were mistaken.  

You felt his face press into your hair as he took a large, shaky deep breath, as if he was inhaling your scent, which he exhaled before he pulled away, his hands cupping your face. He tilted your face slightly so he could examine your left cheek and you saw him swallow as he took in your bruising. Something stirred behind his eyes, a sad melancholy that you’d seen only once before crossed his arrogantly handsome features, and his head dropped slowly to yours. He held your jaw in his big hands, his lips on yours. You didn’t fight, fighting was futile, but as the kiss continued it soon became clear that this wasn’t like any of the times he had kissed you in the past. No, this one was soft, like a need to just feel you pressed against him. His plump lips pulling yours in and holding you there and you realised, from the lingering taste of something sweet yet ever so slightly tinged with sour, that your suspicions were correct.

Despite your earlier fear, you willed yourself to relax into the relative comfort. It was like he was back to how he had been before his mother had visited and whilst he was in that frame of mine, you knew you were safe, so keeping him there was in your best interests. Your fingers moved from your sides to his chest, the ribbed tee rough against your skin. You continued your movements as his mouth pulled you in just a little more until he traced his tongue over your bottom lip. Your fingers moved out to and up the lapels of his coat, the soft texture like a cottony suede under your fingertips, before settling on the back of his neck, his smooth skin and hairline a definitive juxtaposition to feel. He didn't balk or pull away as he had done previously when you’d tried to show him affection, and you continued to respond to his kiss, your touch seeming to be a comfort for him and in the back of your mind you wondered what had changed to make him act this way. He broke away and rubbed his nose along yours, almost as if he were touching a butterfly, soft and unsure. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." He continued to whisper, over and over. A soft, barely there kiss to your bruises and broken skin and more words, "Let me take care of you."

You were scared to admit that this felt good, the way he was being gentle, apologetic even. Pain radiated from his body once again, like it had just a few weeks ago, his eyes telling you everything he was feeling. The outpouring of emotions there were hard to ignore. You weren't sure if forgiveness was in your repertoire, but compartmentalization was. You looked back at him, and with a slow blink, almost hypnotized, you nod in reply to his request. 

Long fingers reached out and tucked a tendril of hair behind your ear, the other hand simply cradling your jaw. You swallowed hard as he bent down and placed his lips on your neck. Your body shivered at the feel of his mouth warm against your skin. His breath hot on your ear, “do you trust me?”

"I don't know," your voice was breathy as you replied. 

“Let me fix this," his voice wavered. It was a question, not a demand. He nipped at your skin and you shivered again from a combination of desire and disgust at the way this asshole could make you feel, how traitorous your damned body was. 

Ransom felt her breath hitch against his touch. She wasn't fighting him, she wasn't combative, she was...receptive. The thought nearly made him crow for, in that moment, he could feel her trust in him coming in, even if she couldn't verbalize it. He was debating on his lips devouring hers but he was... oh God, he was actually afraid of losing her in the moment. Of her closing herself off. No, he thought, it's best to wait. Ignoring the throw blanket on the floor and the mugs of cocoa on the table, Ransom held her face in her hands. "Do you trust me?" He asked again. She swallowed hard and blinked again, slowly. It was as fair if a reply as he'd get. He could see the war in her eyes, her mind battling with her feelings, her heart. "Stay here."

He left her standing there while he started the hot water. He could feel her eyes on him, watching his every move. He felt different, better even, from the moment he sought her attention when he'd come home. He started the tub faucet and as he brushed past her again, he shucked his coat, tossing it on her bed. He took a small bag he'd brought her earlier in the week and carried it with him. He emptied the contents of a small vile like bottle and watched a moment as bubbles began to firm in the hot but tolerable water. With the bath filling, he sighed to himself and turned to face her.

He peeled his own dusty blue cardigan over his shoulders and let it set over the basin unit. He pushed the sleeves of his white thermal up his forearms and held his hand out to her. She hesitated but slowly slipped her hand in his. He pulled her close and his hands gathered the lapels of her cardigan and peeled it away from her. Underneath her cardigan, Y/N sported a firm fitting white tee and jeans that looked well fitted for her hips and ass, toned legs, bare feet curling into the tiled floor. Ransom salivated as her nipples hardened through the material. He realized she had no bra on under her tee and his hand gently slipped under her rib cage, his thumb padding over her pert nipple. He lifted the thin white tee away from her body and tossed it to the floor. He was half hard just at the thought of her naked under her clothes and now he was solid. Discomfort growing by the second. 

A hooked knuckle traced down her sternum, between her breasts and along the center of her taught stomach. He watched as goose flesh covered her exposed skin. As his knuckle reached the waistline of her jeans, he took to his knees, pressing soft, open mouthed kisses to her belly, just above her flies. With just his fingers, he undid the button, unzipped the zipper and the peeled the material away from her legs, all the while deep blue eyes peered up at her. He wasn't disappointed to find she'd still worn panties under the rough material, in fact he was delighted. His eyes roved down to her black, lace panties and he reached out, fingers gently tracing long the detailed waistband. Those came down next and as she stepped out of the material, Ransom's hands traced patterns up her leg, faint kisses to her thigh, her hip, her belly. He stood and admired Y/N, completely bare, with less than a foot of space between them.

Ransom hummed, his right hand reaching out, pads of his fingers again trailing a path down the valley of her heaving breasts to her navel. He paused as her breathing hitched and with a smirk his hand dropped lower still, over the faint tuft of hair he insisted she kept groomed, his fingers slipping into her folds. She gave a soft gasp, eyes widening as he continued to tease her, her hands reaching to up to grasp at his biceps as he played with her. She was wet, so wet from just this little bit of play and with a sharp flick of his wrist, he pushed two fingers inside of her. 

He leaned forward, mouth brushing the shell of her ear, “Just say the words and I’ll make you feel so damned good, Sweetheart, like you’ve never felt before.” Ransom pulled away, removing his fingers from where they’d been, his hand curling on her hip, sticky with her essence. He backed her toward the tub's edge, his forehead pressed into hers. All motion stopped the second the back of her legs touched the tub. "Get in," he whispered. 

You sunk down into the water, the aromatic smell of calming lavender swallowing your senses. Bubbles covered your body, to the point they tickled your collar bone. You eyed him kneeling as he reached over you, grabbing the natural sea sponge loofah and dipping it into the water before he squeezed it over your skin, gently scrubbing. Your face once more met his and you carefully watched him as he exhibited a patience you had never seen from him before. Those blue orbs bore into you, but still he made no move to take you.

And it was unnerving.

But then, as you stared into those deep, icy blue pools something suddenly clicked in your mind. He wanted you to want him. That was what this was about. He’d spent his entire life with people who regarded him as unworthy of love or any kindness and he was seeking validation. Whilst you could see he was genuinely hurting, you also still knew this man was violent, angry, had taken you without your permission, taken what he wanted from you and when. You knew he would take what he wanted tonight too, regardless of what your answer was, the moment for you to back out had been and gone.

But something felt so good about his touch that you were shivering in anticipation of more rather than in fear and the feeling of enjoyment on your mind started to overpower the feeling of disgust in your belly as your core tightened with each breath you felt against your skin. You blinked, your head a whirl, as you were shamefully turned on despite the depraved nature of this entire situation. You broke from your thoughtful trance as a hand cupped your face, a thumb pad tilting you chin upward just a pinch to look at him,

"What?" You whispered. 

"Let me in?" He asked, his tone a bit contrite and hopeful. 

When she nodded in a slow reply, Ransom felt his stomach drop out from under him. Butterflies grew to take flight like an albatross deep in his gut. He dropped the sponge in the water and stood tall, towering over the tub. He reached behind his neck, between his shoulder blades and pulled the thermal over his head, his hair catching slightly on the fabric. He ran a hand through it to straighten it back up and tossed the garment to the floor. He watched as her eyes grew noticeably wide as they roamed over his taught, well-formed abs, his bare chest. He flexed a little, his muscles twitching as he focused on the buckle and flies of his pants. He'd kicked his boots off as he'd undone his belt, the clank an ignored sound as all he could do was watch her and she him. Ransom allowed the material to fall between them, his pants hitting his ankles and he was quick to slip out of his pants and socks. He palmed his hard cock through his boxer briefs as she watched him touch himself.

He could see the change in her, the look of desire and lust in her eyes. The way she was admiring him now, rather than cowering at him. She was appreciating what was before her. His pale skin, his sculpted body, his naked form. He’s seen her, stripped her bare. But normally he's pulled his dick out and just fucked her. This was uncharted territory, this was new. And he liked it. He liked the way she was looking at him, feeding his ego and willingly participating. This, yes, this was something fun for him. And oh yeah, she wanted this, he could see it all over her.

One foot, then the other, Ransom stepped into the tub and sat opposite of her, careful to avoid the faucet. The water felt inviting, the company even more so. Her one leg nestled between his legs while the other just to the outside of them. She slid her left foot up close to his thigh, bending her leg at the knee. At this new comfortable position, his fingers started drawing intricate circles along her shin and calf. He watched her inhale deeply and tilt her head towards her shoulder, observing him. 

As you watched him, carefully, you saw him swallow, the hollow of this throat constricting a little before he took a deep breath, his touch on your leg still feather light. You wanted to lose yourself, give into the desire that you were feeling whether it be wrong or right, at that point in time you were past caring. You were in this position, nothing was going to change that, so was it really wrong to want to feel something more than fear? It was like there was a game of chess being played between your mind and heart, your gut and will.

And then, Checkmate, the idea came to you. You had a chance here to keep Ransom satisfied but on your terms. You had the power. And as long as you kept it that way you could control his temper and his actions, and get what you now shamefully admitted to yourself that you wanted.  And the realisation that you had the winning move here was almost liberating.

Ransom shifted a little, the water sloshing around him as he sat up, his chest poking a little further out of the water as he studied your face, and you waited to see what he would do. His tongue poked the inside of his cheek, he was clearly going through a mental battle himself and eventually he licked his lips, his gaze dropping to your breasts which were just under the water line and he swallowed once more before his hand on your leg stilled and he squeezed your calf muscle gently before he moved, leaning forward, his large hand once more resting against your cheek as he drew you in for another deep, gentle kiss.

You leaned into him, letting his lips works softly against yours as your hand dropped under the water and grasped his solid cock, giving him a gentle stroke. The kiss stuttered immediately, and he let out a choked groan as his eyes flew open, locking onto yours.

“Sit back.” You encouraged, and he did just that, his back once more resting against the top as you followed him, your hand remaining soft but firm enough to keep drawing those noises of satisfaction from his throat. His head tipped back as he let you take control, his Adams apple bobbing, eyes closing as no words left his lips, no dirty talk, no hissed little demands about what depraved position he wanted you to adopt, nothing. You held the power, and that turned you on in a way it really shouldn’t.

He gave a strangled hiss as you gripped him tighter and then you shifted, letting go to allow yourself to move your right knee to his left side, following with your other, his eyes flying open, a look of surprise on his face as you lined yourself up and his hands reached up, surprisingly gentle as they rest against your hips. There wasn’t much room, but it was doable, and you sank down onto him, his eyes flying to your hips as you both gave a little whimper as he filled you completely.

His fingers flexed against your skin, blunt nails biting ever so slightly, as you remained still, your hands sliding up his chest, curling over his shoulders. He was tense, coiled like a spring, clearly fighting back the urge to slam up into you and you began to work at a little of that tension, fingers rubbing up and down his neck, the index on your right trailing that vein that was bulging along his throat. His eyes never left yours until you softly began to knead at the strained muscles along his shoulders and neck, massaging deeply as you worked at the knots, his hands still resting on your hips, contracting every so often as you found a particularly knotty spot.

Every so often, he would make the slightest of movements, simply because he was relaxed and you could feel your walls fluttering sporadically, just from being full and stretched to your fill. But, still he made no move to take over, until at one point you hit a particularly knotty area at the point his neck met his collar bone and he gave a little jolt which caused you to groan and he opened his eyes, searching almost for permission. When he found no objection, his hands gently started rocking you.

The pressure and friction on your clit was boiling. It was slow and burned in a way that was so delightful it was almost painful. And, before you could stop yourself you were rolling into him as he kept that same delectably slow rhythm, rocking you back and forth slowly, deeply, before one hand left your hips and grasped the back of your neck, pulling you down for a deep kiss.

Ransom pulled away from her, breathless, his forehead against hers. The words were barely heard, but he knew he said, "I want you..."

"You have me," she replied in a soft whisper. 

"Not here," he shook his head, their foreheads rubbing. He glided his nose against hers. 

He missed the way she felt around him the second she managed to stand and slip out of the tub. Ransom was quickly behind her, following, bubbles and water dripping to the floor from them both be damned. He followed her to the bed where she stood at its edge, her eyes inviting him. He took a seat, bare ass and thighs soaking the comforter, knees bent over the edge. His eyes roamed her body, taking her all in. His own deep appreciation for her firm an awakening in his soul.

Slowly, just like she had in the tub, one knee slipped passed a hip, the other following. His lips were on her breasts, inhaling the scent of the oils and bubbles clinging to her skin as his tongue traced a hardened nipple and then the other. As he did so, she sunk back down his shaft again, a guttural groan escaping them both. She was ready, the thick vein of his cock giving a seductive friction against her wall.

Ransom ran his hands up and down her back, long index finger tracing up and down her spine as hot open mouth, needy kisses covered as much skin as he could. His hands splayed over her shoulder blades as his hips met her grind, catching her as Y/N arched into his movements. Her head tipped back, sheer wanton pleasure radiated from her with a heat he could almost feel. His mouth moved to the spot he knew drove her wild on her neck under her ear and the little whimper she made was nothing short of delectable. 

As he began to lean back towards the mattress, he rolled her body against his, bringing her down with him. He planted his heels against the comforter and scooted them both to the center of the bed, still buried deep inside her. With a hand back to her hip, a gentle grip keeping his own pace with her rhythm, the other tangled in her messy hair as his tongue dove deep into her mouth, savoring each pass her own tongue made against his. He could feel her body flutter against him, sweet kisses her walls made against his solid cock. Her hands braced herself against his broad chest as she sat up, riding him with fluid, long rolls of her hips and he shivered, despite the searing fire between them. He was no longer fighting that desire to take control, he was more than happy to let her take the lead and respond accordingly, dare he say he was enjoying it. The slowness and sheer intimacy was something he never knew he’d craved until now and as she gave a particularly desperate roll of her hips he groaned, "Fuck yeah, Baby, just...like...that..."

A gasp and a shudder ran through you, your walls clenching down on him as a rush of power surged through your entire body. You rolled your hips deeper against him, the friction against your clit nearly too much. You brought your eyes down and looked down at his face, strong jaw, piercing eyes, his thick bottom lip sucked between his teeth. You had full control over him, beneath you he was as powerless as you had been made to feel. "Oh, God," you’re ready to sing a song of pure ecstasy as your body coils and tightens under your own volition. The signs of orgasm were just...right...there.

As you felt a deep thrust from his hips, hitting your sensitive and perfect spot within, your head lulled back and you felt his name roll off of your tongue, "Ransom...."

At the sound of his name spilling from her mouth Ransom gave a groan. It wasn’t Hugh, or Drysdale, it was Ransom. The one thing she had refused to say from day one and she had finally let herself go enough to give in to what he knew she wanted. His chest swelled, a warm feeling flooding from his toes right to his head and he surged up, his lips on hers, the kiss sloppy as with an easy movement he flipped them both so she was underneath him, all semblance of self-control now lost as her voice echoed round his mind, the soft, sultry way in which she’d cried his name repeating like a prayer. 

"Gimme one more, baby, just one more..." his hips were thrusting hard, but not painfully so."Say it again, please," his voice was laced with fire and emotion, a whimper or sob nearly on his lips.

"Ransom...." she replied coming again and his fingers gripped into her skin, holding her in place as his seed shot deep into her, filling her, his entire body shaking, no nearly convusling as he came.

Breathlessly, they laid there, his body gently caging her in, her fingers curling around his neck and into the nape of his hair.

“Thank you.” He whispered, and you blinked, not quite sure you’d heard him right.

“What for?” You asked, your breath still punctuated by your gasps as you came down from your high.”

“For trusting me.” His nose nudged yours and you looked into his eyes, “for forgiving me.”

“I’m not sure I have.” You replied honestly, and a frown furrowed his brown before he sighed and closed his eyes, his head hanging a little.

“That’s fair, I suppose.” He looked back at you before he moved, pulling out of you and immediately you missed his presence, the heat of his body gone as he rolled to his side. You waited for him to rise and dress as he usually did but he made no effort to move. Instead he lay still, looking up at the ceiling before he turned onto his side, his fingers gently trailing down your bruised cheek as it brushed the soft pillow when you turned to look at him.

“Can I stay?” He asked.

It was a pointless question. Because, let’s face it, you didn’t have a choice. If he didn’t want to go he wasn’t going to, and it wasn’t like you could leave. But, nevertheless, the fact he had bothered to ask you in the first place was another first. And you found yourself suddenly believing that if you did say no, he would leave.

Instead you nodded, and he gave you a small smile, not a sneer or a smirk, a genuine smile that lit up his handsome face as he leaned over and pressed his lips tenderly to yours.

Together you managed to get yourself under the duvet before you reached up for the lamp and clicked it off before settling on your side, facing away from him.

“My err, my cheek hurts.” You said quietly, offering him an explanation as to why you’d turned your back on him. He gave a small sigh and one of his arms snaked under your neck, the other curled round your bare body, resting just underneath your breasts. He gave your shoulder a gentle kiss, another unspoken apology before you felt him tug you back into him, your back pressing against the hard wall of his chest.

He was the first to fall asleep, his body spent as was yours but you laid there still feeling the electricity roll through your muscles, tiredness settling into your bones. You had given him what he wanted but kept your ground and done it on your terms. It's what he'd needed this entire time, to hear his name from your lips, to be wanted to be cared about, to be "loved". You internally scoffed. To be loved... you doubted he had any idea what that actually meant, to be loved unconditionally. But as you’d questioned the other day over hot chocolate, was that really his fault?

This situation was fucked up. What you were doing was fucked up, but, if giving him what he wanted and what he needed kept you in the driving seat, so to speak, you could work with it.

**** Part 5

#murder he wrote #ransom drysdale #dark ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x you #dark ransom x reader #dark ransom drysdale x reader #dark ransom drysdale x you

[impossible-rat-babies]

(new) pinned post

commissions open!

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owen or luke. twenty seven. he/they. I write a bit and draw a bit. mostly interactive fiction, oc content, and video games. ffxiv, pillars of eternity, and fallout are my main interests.

fan content is tagged along with general oc content. shitposts are not tagged. if you need something tagged, hmu w a dm or ask! I do tag for general things like flashing gifs, eyestrain, insects, blood, nsft writing, etc. use ur filtering/blacklist folks.

my blog runs mostly off of a queue.

unless we are friends/mutuals, please do not leave your personal oc/wol comments on my own personal gposes. its uncomfortable for me.

my gposes are not wol questions.

+18 only

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artfight  commissions | limited background color palette commissions | trello for commission slots ao3 art tag / writing tag mobile oc index

icon by orchidspectre @/vgen (it’s just eyrie as a squib)

other links below the cut!

IF i’ve read/recommend: --(lmao sorry i haven’t read many. i have a backlog. in no distinct order)

fallen hero: rebirth + fallen hero: retribution (beta) @/fallenhero-rebirth (my beloved) greenwarden @/fiddles-ifs shepherds of haven @/shepherds-of-haven wayfarer @/idrellegames mindblind @/mindblindbard the passenger @/the-passenger-if scout: an apocalypse story @/anya-dev golden @/milaswriting a tale of crowns @/ataleofcrowns the exile @/exilethegame bodycount @/bodycountgame attollo @/attollogame

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writing masterpost: (m* indicates mature content, p for prompt fill) *there is more fic than this around. this is just what i wanted to list. more can be found on my ao3*

fallen hero:

comparing hand sizes (p) nostalgia (p) hand searching (p) don’t stop (color on the walls) would never call it love (m*) stars (p) foolish (p) quarter past two am not quite people enough morning after (junebug) tuesday two in the afternoon

the wayhaven chronicles:

our reflections (m + nb!detective) diaries (p) (m + nb!detective) this car has some surprises (m*) (m + nb!detective)

misc:

hotel california (greenwarden) at least the apples taste sweet (shepherds of haven)

#pinned post / #owen talks #i didn't wanna edit my old one so i made a new one lmao #edit: just fussed with some stuff don’t mind me #edit: 05/23 made it less wordy and changed to only +18

[kaishun]

Fanexus - Upcoming Fandom-focused Platform

Hey y’all, Kaishun here, who hasn’t spoken in 85 years but still vaguely lurks around in the corners of your peripherals. As you guys probably know, with the tumblr ban on NSFW (both for things that actually were NSFW and vaguely fleshy colored), a lot of big folks in the fandom left for twitter. Well, twitter sucks, as it’s impossible to finding anything. Nobody tags stuff, because there’s not enough space to do so, and harassment’s pretty bad (both due to lack of tagging and due to tagging).

Fanexus is a platform wanting to change that! It’s kinda’ve the love child between tumblr and livejournal, and with the beta coming up soon, they’re trying to drum up some hype. I’m hype, so, I’m gonna go over some of my fav official features so far:

Proship / Anti-Harassment / Anti-Censorship

Useful Tagging System ( #Saix = #Saïx )

3 Accounts in 1 (1 login for 3 different blogs)

Details on^ below the cut. Here’s a pretty picture from their blog @fanexus-dot-net​ to show its progress:

Proship, Harassment, and Censorship (Don’t Like/Don’t Read)

A lot of platforms and people are aggressively censoring fictional content they don’t like. Whether that be two characters lewding in general, those character being in an abusive relationships, noncon, age gaps, underaged, incest, etc.-- a lot of people get harassed for drawing that kind of stuff. But, y’know-- it’s fictional. No different from the whole “video games cause violence” scare from moms in the 90s. But the harassment from people has gotten really bad, especially on twitter.

Fanexus allows whatever you want to draw/write/etc., as long as it is of fictional characters--with a great tagging system to support it. If you don’t like something... you block the tag! Bam, that simple. You shouldn’t see anymore.

For those of you who went to Pillowfort, and were displeased with the sudden rule change & bans regarding some content, Fanexus should have no such issue. They’re hosting in Denmark, where the country’s sex specialists determined that underaged content of fictional characters did not have a negative impact on actual children.

Useful Tagging System

idk about you, but I hate looking under the 10 different names for the same ship. Every other new artist seems to have another name for their fav pairing. Fanexus has a tagging system that support synonyms-- meaning “#XemSai”, “#Xemnas x Saix”, “#Xemnas/Saïx”, etc. will all show up under the same “#XemSai” search.

Its tagging is also hierarchical-- so if someone tags something with just “#XemSai”, it’ll show up under show up #Xemnas, #Saix, and #Kingdom Hearts. While this may come off as a bit scary at first (there’s such a “don’t put X in the main tag!” concern on tumblr), it normalizes letting your art/fics to be actually, like... seen. And if someone doesn’t like it #XemSai, they can just block the tag. This greatly decreases the chance of shy people with rarepairs just being lost to the abyss, never seen again. As someone who’s in some small fandoms, “forcing” everything to go into the series tag is a great feature to me.

It also lets people completely block series-- block the #Kingdom Hearts tag if you don’t want to see Melody of Memory spoilers. As long as they’ve tagged their posts with anything regarding the series, it’ll get caught up in that block filter, so you can safely play the game and still browse your feed.

Aliases (3 Accounts in 1)

With one account, you have three different “Alias” blogs. These generally function like completely different blogs (none of that sideblog shit); with their own posts, their own followers, their own following, and their own memberships to communities. You can switch between them with an easy click, instead of having to open a whole new browser or logout/login like on tumblr.

My plan is to have a SFW alias, a NSFW alias, and a RP alias. I can enjoy my SFW alias at work and on the go, as well as post some OCs to it; I can switch to my NSFW alias if I want to see some juicy smut on a lazy weekend; and to my RP alias to catch up on what’s been going on and write some replies.

Miscellaneous 

Communities: You ever think about making a blog exclusively for one character, but go “ugh sideblogs suck and I don’t want to do this by myself”? Well, Communities allow everyone who joins to share content to it, easily gathering art/fics from your favorite character or series in one place. It’s a great way to find people with similar interests, follow some new artists, etc. Roleplay-wise, theoretically great for “Worlds”; tossing an opener into the themed world and getting some replies.

Funding: They’re currently planning on no ads, and funding via premium features, such as buying extra aliases. There’ll be a Kickstarter later for server cost and additional features.

People/Fans: I’ve been on their discord for a few weeks, and holy shit, these are my people. I’ve never felt so comfortable just like... chatting about my interests with people. I’m not the #1 sinner in the server at all times, like I am everywhere else. Discussions I’ve normally seen blow up into huge raging disagreements kinda just simmer to slightly irritable but still civil conversations. It’s kinda bizarre to witness, like... mature people talking to mature people.

Minors: Minors will not be able to see posts marked as 18+, full stop. You can also mark your entire blog as 18+, but you’re not required to. Minors who lie about their age will have their accounts banned.

Interested?: Their beta is going to be starting sometime late this month. You can find more details on their tumblr blog ( https://fanexus-dot-net.tumblr.com/ ) or their twitter ( https://twitter.com/fanexus ). You can sign up for their forum/discord/beta over here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1-Ll_vb1bukbnxHpaQcuxUikUu1NtqDk3-AsD4gZkjiY/viewform?edit_requested=true 

#fanexus #hashtag not sponsored #I just really like what I see #fanexus-dot-net

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

#good bye to ttte #tw//suicide #tw//rape #tw// bullying #tw//depression #tw//ptsd #tw//ttte #tw//sex #tw//abuse #tw//domestic abuse #I'm done

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Madoka, Wonder Egg Priority, and the Future of Late-Night Magical Girl Shows

  Beware! This article contains spoilers for the beginning of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

  It is January 21st, 2011. In the shadows of a witch’s labyrinth, two girls named Madoka and Mami form a close bond. Mami is a magical girl, powerful but lonely. Madoka decides, then and there, to fight by Mami’s side. But then, in the middle of combat, the witch Charlotte transforms into a giant worm and bites off Mami’s head. Madoka’s eyes widen in shock. A broken china cup seeps tea on the ground. Smash cut to the wails of goth rock trio Kalafina as black clouds roil and a single flickering shape strides toward oblivion. Three episodes in, Puella Magi Madoka Magica threw down the gauntlet. Over ten years later, the mark it left is still there.

  Puella Magi Madoka Magica was special. But why? Not because it was the “first dark magical girl series.” Sailor Moon, the modern magical girl standard-bearer, became popular not just because of its charming characters but because the show could do things like briefly kill everyone during the series finale. Even magical girl series aimed at younger audiences, like Ojamajo Doremi, tackled subjects like the death of a pet or the aftermath of a divorce. Not to mention the infamous 46th episode of Magical Girl Minky Momo from 1983, when the titular heroine was hit by a truck! Truly, everything has been done before.

  The secret to Madoka Magica’s success is that it is not really a magical girl show. It is a suspense thriller cunningly disguised as a magical girl show. It has as much in common with Kamen Rider Ryuuki as it has with Sailor Moon, and was written by Gen Urobuchi, a former eroge game writer who ran in the same circles as Kinoko Nasu and Hoshizora Meteo. Madoka Magica is not interested in the slow process of endearment by which magical girl series ease you into the daily routines of their characters — the weekly monsters, transformation stock footage, holidays, and very special episodes. It presents as such only as long as it takes to put you off guard, and then (clad in the gorgeous raiment of art team Gekidan Inu Curry) it goes for your throat. 

    So it was that Madoka Magica became the standard-bearer of a new kind of late-night anime. Rather than “cute girls doing cute things,” let’s call this genre “cruel things happening to cute girls.” Take something charming and unassuming, like a magical girl story or a high school slice-of-life show. Populate it with fun, marketable characters. Then set those characters screaming when the real story pops out like a jack-in-the-box. The frisson between cute and scary hopefully generates enough charge to catch the attention of audiences, but  — most importantly  — audiences don’t have to reach that far to engage with it. That is because these shows are built off those same conventions that anime fans are familiar with. Those conventions just happen to be evil this time.

  As often happens in the entertainment industry, the success of Madoka spawned many copies. These projects did not have Gen Urobuchi, and they were often not lucky enough to have an art team as singular as Gekidan Inu Curry. All things considered, they tried their best. YUKI YUNA IS A HERO brought a different former eroge game writer, Takahiro, on board. Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka made its team of magical girls a proper military unit. More recently, GRANBELM added giant robots to the stew. I’d say Granbelm is my favorite of these, if only because the giant robots were pretty cool! I’d love to see them in a Super Robot Wars game one day.

    Some of the more interesting entries in the “cruel things happening to cute girls” genre didn’t have any magical girls in them at all. Selector Infected Wixoss was a card battle show about teens fighting for wishes; writer Mari Okada smartly changed focus from the cruel system tearing the characters apart to the way that individual selfishness keeps cruel systems running perpetually. SCHOOL-LIVE! featured a group of schoolgirls continuing their slice of life activities within a world devastated by a zombie apocalypse; the anime production was bolstered by a murderer’s row of writers from Nitroplus, Urobuchi’s former stomping ground. Episode 3 — a flashback to teacher Megumi on the day of the outbreak — is a genuine triumph, precisely because it is so earnest. Rather than pushing hard to shock or disgust the viewer, it allows the characters to breathe in the moments leading to disaster and lets the horror come naturally.

  Traditional magical girl shows, in the meantime, have been doing just fine. We’ve seen several good seasons of Precure and two fantastic ones, the all-rounder Go! Princess Precure and uneven but groundbreaking Hugtto! Precure. Sailor Moon’s Crystal remake seasons and movies have steadily improved after a rocky start. The first few seasons of magical idol series Aikatsu are charming and introduce a fun legacy quirk that ties together characters from different seasons. Even Ojamajo Doremi has seen a follow-up film that puts the spotlight on the generation who grew up watching it.

    Madoka’s successors, on the other hand, are in a trickier place. Some of them have been successful, others have been good, but none have recaptured that lightning in a bottle that made Madoka a hit. Even a recent Madoka Magica series based on a phone game, written by Gekidan Inu Curry themselves, came and went without much buzz.

  In the years since Madoka aired, there have been plenty of folks who have expressed their reservations about the “cruel things happening to cute girls” genre. After all, magical girl series can be revolutionary or transgressive without being cruel. Hugtto! Precure introduced the series’ first male Precure (equally comfortable wearing dresses as skating outfits) and featured a romantic partnership between two of its female leads. Go! Princess Precure’s best fight scenes are as spectacular as anything in this year’s Jujutsu Kaisen, yet remain perfectly accessible for its target audience of young girls. Madoka's progeny may have been targeted at older — and often, male — audiences, but outside of some blood and gore just a few of these series were more genuinely mature than the children’s series they riffed upon.

  Image via HiDive

  I do still see a future for late-night magical girl shows. In 2016, a weird magical girl series called Flip Flappers aired. Directed by animation wunderkind Kiyotaka Oshiyama, it featured two girls in love traveling through many strange and colorful environments in search of macguffins. Hidden inside a candy coating of marketable elements was everything from the Freudian fairy tale theories of Bruno Bettelheim, to architectural oddities such as thomassons, to occult figures like Jakob von Uexkull. Flip Flappers harnessed some of Madoka Magica’s sense of danger, putting its cast into intense and scary situations from the very first episode. But it was not a show about girls being tortured by an evil system; it was a show about girls exploring surreal dreamscapes. A new genre had been created: “cute girls doing weird things.”

  Here are the cornerstones for the “cute girls doing weird things” genre: you need girls of course, maybe even magical girls, but the rules behind their magic are nebulous. Rather than take children’s genres and corrupt them, you build out atmospheric settings, drop in the characters, and see what happens next. You give the cast room to express themselves within the bounds of the story, rather than leading them down an assembly line to their doom. The malevolence of Madoka is not off-limits, but more useful still than malevolence is uncertainty. The goal is to unsettle the viewer rather than disgust them.

  Image via Funimation

  Five years after Flip Flappers, a new show walks these same steps: Wonder Egg Priority, an original series from CloverWorks. Of course, Wonder Egg Priority is aiming at something totally different than Flip Flappers. Its spooky environments are incidental. Its main aim is, through riffing on the work of Kyoto Animation and famed director Naoko Yamada, depicting in full and uncompromising detail the difficult emotional lives of teenage girls living in the modern-day. Those lives just happen to be filtered through an anime lens of trauma manifesting as horrific creatures that have to be destroyed, and girls that need to be saved. Yet to me, Wonder Egg Priority captures the dreamlike atmosphere that Flip Flappers achieved in its best moments — the means by which characters exploring unfamiliar spaces reveal themselves in new and different forms. Despite being made of familiar parts, in execution, I think it is something new.

Somewhere between Flip Flappers and Wonder Egg Priority lies the future of late-night magical girl shows. They should not ever replace the ones made for kids; those do perfectly fine on their own, thank you very much. But in their embrace of uncertainty, I recognize a ghost of what I once felt when I first saw Charlotte’s gaping maw. The sensation that the ground had disappeared, and that — like magic — anything was possible.

  What's your favorite recent magical girl show? Are you excited for the newest season of Precure? Does Wonder Egg Priority terrify you on a weekly basis like it terrifies me? Let us know in the comments!

      Adam W is a Features Writer at Crunchyroll. When he isn't reciting lines from Revolutionary Girl Utena, he sporadically contributes with a loose coalition of friends to a blog called Isn't it Electrifying? You can find him on Twitter at @wendeego

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Adam Wescott

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

[slytherinbangchan]

Sunshine☀️ Chap 1. (Skz Social Media!Au. W narrations)

You met Chris at high school and have been dating since. You love him with all your heart but maybe not in the same way that you used to. You've talked it out with Chris a couple times before but you both always end up deciding to try and save the relationship cause you love eachother so much and it simply hurts when you think about breaking up.

But, how long can you keep this up?

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫* 

First of all I would like to thank my dear friend Emi for beta reading this au and giving me such useful tips so, again thank you so much💖

About the imessage chats don’t mind the time stamps cause that’s mainly when I was writing and has nothing to do with the characters or story~

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫* 𝐼𝓃𝓉𝓇𝑜✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*

y/n:

Insta -> fire_queen

A bit older than Chris.

Best friends with Minho.

Loves horror movies.

Works at a bookstore.

Wants to become a famous writer.

Doesn't like wasting time but just can't help to procrastinate.

A bit messy.

Chris:

Insta: chris.bang

Lives with Hyunjin and Jisung.

Thinks of Felix as his little brother.

Works two jobs and still got time to try and produce some music with Changbin and Jisung.

Very sweet and caring.

Also responsible and mature.

Doesn't like messy so he's always nagging at y/n and mostly Jisung about it.

Hyunjin:

Insta: lovekkami

Looks like a fuckboy.

He's not.

Loves his dog but can't keep it at his apartment.

He watches dramas with Jisung.

Best friends with Seungmin.

Works at a coffee shop.

Has a lot of 'fans' there.

He likes hugs.

Also enjoys joining Minho and Felix when they meet to practice some choreo.

Seungmin:

Insta: seungminnie.mong.

Likes Jeongin a lot.

Best friends with Hyunjin.

Studying photography.

Lives with his parents.

Loves singing.

Loves Day6.

Selca king.

Very responsible and caring.

Blunt.

Jeongin:

Insta: innieee

Maknae.

Cutie.

Lives with his parents.

Loves pink.

Just finished high school.

Likes to be babied a bit.

Enjoys trot singing.

Likes to mess with his hyungs in a cute way.

Minho:

Insta: xx_lino

A good listener.

Best friends with y/n.

He wanted to dance so he dances.

And he's really good at it.

Loves his cats but they live with his parents.

He goes visit them a lot though.

Lives with Felix and Changbin.

Snow® filters king.

Loves to mess with Changbin.

Likes Jisung.

Felix:

Insta: flex.lee

Works at a dog cafe.

He dances too.

Hardworking.

Lovable.

He cares for Chris a lot and vice-versa.

He likes dogs so he enjoys his job.

Loves videogames.

Lives with Minho and Changbin.

Changbin:

Insta: spearbinnie

A tattoo artist (his clients comment on almost every of his posts on insta)

He enjoys creating songs with Bangchan and Jisung too.

Would like to become a famous producer someday.

Looks intimidating but he's the sweetest.

'Baby Changbin'.

Lives with Felix and Minho.

Jealous of Kkami cause it got to kiss Hyunjin.

Loves Felix.

Jisung:

Insta: hanj914

Recently moved in with Chris and Hyunjin.

Works at the movies.

Loves sleeping but doesn't care losing some sleep if he's working on a song.

Likes dramas and horror movies.

Kinda shy at first.

Likes Minho and Hyunjin a lot.

Would like to become a famous producer too.

Really respects Chris and Changbin even if they argue a lot about their songs.

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 1

You leave your phone aside with a smile on your face. Your heart really jumped a little when you saw Chris's post. It kind of made you feel like when you two started dating years ago. And that's something you hadn't feel in a while. But you don't want to think about that fact anymore. You're so tired of overanalyzing your own feelings. The only thing that matters right now is that you genuinely miss him and can't wait to see him. But the hours go by so slowly as you wait for your shift to end. No one has entered the store for hours and you already re-organized the books a thousand times. A sigh leaving you as you open your laptop. It's time to try and write again but you've been going through writer's block for so long now. It doesn't matter that you only have to fix some details from your book before sending it out cause you just can't bring yourself to do it. Everytime you open the file your heart races and everything itches. Sometimes you just legit feel nauseous before even clicking on it. It's really a pain.

You let out a frustrated sigh as once again your hand moves by its own will and opens twitter. Then suddenly an hour has gone by while watching memes and reading other people arguing about stuff you don't even care about.

At least time is going faster now.

The bells on the store's door ring and you look up to see Jeongin and Seungmin walking in.

'Hey guys, what are you doing here?' You ask as they come to the counter. 'Nothing. We were just around and came to visit you'. Jeongin says with a smile on his face like always. You smile back and ask them to sit wherever they can. 'So I saw on insta you're seeing Chan later. Can you ask him to call me? He's ignoring my texts'. Seungmin says and you laugh. 'He'll call you. He's just super busy lately'. You say. 'Yeah I guess. Is not that important but still... I lent him one of my cameras and I need it for something next month. I know it's soon but knowing how busy he is I think it's better if I tell him now'. He chuckles. 'Yeah, well I can ask him and bring it to you if you want'. You suggest. 'That'd be great actually. Text me when you know if he's okay with that?' He asks. 'Sure'.

The guys spend some more time with you at the store making it less boring to wait for your shift to end. They even wait for you as you close the store. Then walk you to Chris's apartment.

Hyunjin opens the door for you and you sit with him and Jisung who were watching dramas before you arrived. Then they help you pick a movie. Mainly Hyunjin since Jisung is still a bit shy around you.

Chap2

Blog’s masterlist.

#stray kids #skz #bangchan #chris bang #chris #stray kids au #stray kids smut #bangchan smut #cb97 #3racha #changbin #jisung #lino #lee know #minho #i.n #jeongin #in #seungmin #hyunjin #felix #lee felix #social media au #smut #fluff #angst #spearb #j.one #imagines #scenarios

[outragedslime]

I'm not that anon and neither am I against meat Roxy but some people don't seem to like that iteration bc of the widely accepted reading of Roxy as a transfeminine character. Idk how much of it is canon-supported and how much is just hcs tho

I mean if ppl liked transfem roxy then go ahead but. I like transmasc roxy and making me tag my own art in a way that lets people blacklist my art out from my blog makes me Super uncomfy. Like?? If u dont like it just unfollow me or if u dont wanna see my art in the roxy tag u can block me its not that deep... idk how to phrase this well but ive so many thoughts abt this. Again ill say i woke up almost 22 hrs ago so im v sleepy so i might phrase things wrong but here we go (also sorry for rambling here but i rly wanna get this out bc its been bothering me for ages and im!! Upset! This big rant isnt specific @ u this is like in general i wanted to type it in a post anyway but i was scared but fuck it ykno.) Id do a read more but im on mobile ill edit it later

Like we all agree that its bad to erase canon gay charas right? So like...why is it g to erase canon trans characters. Like yeah it was a popular headcanon but like......?? Headcanons get deconfirmed sometimes it happens??? It makes me feel like having a woman hc for roxy is more important than having a transmasc canon, which is. A constant self doubt of mine like i worry people will see me as lesser bc im trans and ive also seen it happen! So thats not very nice! To see the fandom treat a canon trans character as "lesser" bc theyre not trans in the way they want!

Also roxy is literally the only positive transmasc character ive ever seen in any piece of media. Ever. So that adds to it. The amnt of ppl who i seen say shit like "give her back u dont deserve her" like? That shit hurts!! Im sorry but it does! Constantly being told that a character being revealed as transmasc is "not worth it" is one of the things that makes me wanna leave the hs fandom bc holy shit!! Thats so transphobic!

Roxy is also rly rly important to me bc ive never seen a canon nb character who uses he/him either and like! I never saw rep lile that! If ur srsly mad abt transmasc roxy and want to be able to filter him out bc u prefer a different hc pls take a step back and look at urself and see how that can be transphobic. Like u can recognise that a character was important to u and like... be mature enough that u dont make ppl feel like shit when they now vibe w that same character? I used to hc transmasc vriska and i drew a few super self indulgent drawings that i didnt post publically and it was a Super important hc to me but i wouldnt draw that again now that vriskas confirmed transfem bc im not an asshole? If u see a trans character and ur first thought is "theyre not trans in the Better way though so i hate this and will make it clear to the people who like this that i hate this" thats transphobic.

Do u have to like transmasc roxy? Fuck no! U dont have to do anything. But srsly @ that anon earlier: like if thats ur reasoning, why would you go to me when i clearly take a lot of comfort in this character (i even Said seratonin time like. I draw roxy and i get an instant boost of euphoria) and imply that u do not want to see it. Like if u do not want to see it u can just unfollow or block me. Instead u make me feel like shit if im being honest! Ik that wasnt the intention so i dont blame u ily n im sorry if im bein angry this has just been building up for a long time. Like "tag this Canon trans character u relate to and love so i dont have to see him" that..doesnt feel good. Pls be mindful of that h,,

Like if u hc roxy as transfem im not gonna stop you like you do you, im not saying this to bash at transfem hcs. But i literally mean it in the nicest way possible, u dont have to interact w my stuff if u dont like it or if it makes u feel bad. Instead of coming to me and making Me feel bad. U can just unfollow and thered be no hard feelings. I draw stuff to make me happy, and if that stuff doesnt make u happy u dont have to stay, but i dont want to post art of the only positive canon transmasc character i know that makes me feel euphoric and tag it deliberately knowing theres people out there who will actively blacklist that specific drawing. Im not saying its bad to blacklist it, u can blacklist it, but im personally rly uncomfortable w that happening w my art of this specific character so if u dont want to see it u can just. Unfollow. Like 100% no hard feelings im not trying to be cheeky i just think itd be most comfortable for everyone involved bc i dont wanna sacrifice my own comfort and euphoria for other ppl.

Sorry for writing so much and ty if u read this ✌

#sorry for big ol rant im just. LE TIRED. #UGUUGGHFHHHHGHH #long post #discourse #maybe

[vorelicious]

Tumblr’s “Vore” Tag and My Thoughts On The Matter...

I still can’t believe this site would nuke the main vorey tag, to begin with. I came to find the fandom here after 17 December 2018, but to realize it’s main tag is damn gone?!

Thanks, Tumblr, thanks a damn lot.

You suck. Royally.

To the best of my knowledge, the site worked just fine with an ability of some blogs to mark themselves as mature. There is a saying “If its’t not broken, don’t go around fixing it”. It is especially maddening to realise just how dirty this site has done by the “vore” tag and the community. Censuring the tag as if all of it was mature?! Thanks to their damn effort, they just lumped together both the sfw and the mature parts of the community as one. I am seething. Not there is anything wrong with the more mature part of vore or its adherents, but normally artists filter their pr0n and normal people black-list tags they don’t wish to find by chance, so the system worked.

I just find it deeply presumptions that some higher ups would just dare do something like this and censor a tag that is not inherently sexual too - the sfw vore community is a serious thing, just as valid as the mature part of it. The vore community is not inherently a sexual fetish; for others, it’s merely an area of interest not rooted in sex.

It just sucks that they asked for no community’s opinion, made their own cursed changes anyway, broke this site and the tag system and didn’t fix a damn shit in the end. It also sucks to realise the sfw part got treated as if it was n/ sfw, and who is at fault is the management that broke if not perfect but a decently workable system.

Thus far, my personal beef with them:

1. The site can bloody mark your blog as sfw and you wouldn’t know it, nor would this cursed site even do something as courteous as notify you.

2. It can erroneously flag posts; some posts get further flagged-flagged so that not even the original creator/poster can view them or have them unflagged.

3. If you write a single wrong word - I shit you not - in your blog’s description, the site’s gestapo bot will hide your blog from the main search system. This happened with both my vore blog and my other non-vore, perfectly sfw art account. To this day, I cannot see it in search by tumblr blog name. I will see just how quick the staff fix the issue… or not.

This is just some sin count of this site’s maddening new changes… for the worse. The joke’s on them - people have adapted and don’t plan to take their shit.

Enough said.

- Vorelicious

P.S. The first draft of this post even got censured. This site even silences opposition. How dare anyone disagree with them or not think their decisions are good ones?! lmao This site is maddening sometimes, I swear.

P.P.S. The hashtags used to have a more mature tag, but until I removed n/ sfw, my post didn’t even APPEAR under newest. In other news, we cannot even USE, let alone TALK about the more mature topics. Thanks, Tumblr. I hate it.

#vore tag #v.ore #v0re #soft vore #safe vore #hard vore #fatal vore #swallowed #extreme cuddling #safevore #hardvore #tumblr #sfw vore #pred #prey #g/t #giant #tiny #viviwrites

[wadhwanifoundation]

8 Secrets for Entrepreneurial Millennials

As left-brain skills are getting automated, right-brained, creative, free-spirited millennials are rising beyond the suffocated security of 9-5 jobs.

By Avelo Roy

The digital economy is truly democratising fame, wealth and education, which was majorly available to the privileged class in the past.

Today age, birth, caste does not determine who you become. The digital world is for the consistent hard worker who can smartly predict the waves of opportunities presented by data-hungry apps that allow you to build, create, express without discrimination (as long as it is legal and ethical).

Being born poor is not your fault, but if you die poor, then you have no one to blame. Many millennials are taking charge of their lives plucking opportunities out of thin air and moving out of the comfort zone fuelled by the hunger for wealth, recognition and the need to do something meaningful in life. Nothing wrong with that! It is far better than living at your parent’s expense and wasting time watching TV and complaining about government policies. Yes, that is another side of millennials.

I urge the ambitious, crazy, hungry, skilled millennials to take action NOW!

1) Be a Creator: Whether it is videos, blogs, recipes, products or services. The 1% who shape our world are not those who just consume but are those who create.

2) Learn to Communicate Better: Learn to write & speak better. If you can’t communicate, you will always struggle to get what you deserve, run the risk of paying too much, earning too little, and always feeling like others are bypassing you.

3) Be Ethical: In a world full of fake news and filtered insta-life portrayals, be a fresh breath of genuine, honest self. Question the status quo, stand up for your beliefs and opinions. Be bold, and it’s ok if people are polarised ‘for’ you and ‘against’ you. Better to be surrounded by those that accept your honest self than those who don’t.

4) Be Human: We are used to swiping and clicking for our needs. In the age of AI & automation, stand out of the crowd by being personal, kind, compassionate. Smile, offer sweet words of appreciation, hold the door open for the person after you. Learn to be human again if you want to be relevant in 2030, 2040 & beyond.

5) Be Rooted: Embrace your history, tradition and culture while respecting that of others. Be proud to practice your Indian inheritance of Yoga, meditation, Mahabharata, Gita, Ayurveda & Vedic Mathematics. Let that be your competitive advantage in this westernised world.

6) Be Flexible: It is the easiest thing to see your own point of view as the right one. But learn to respect the ‘other’ point of view even if you disagree. The ability to hold your view and an opposing view simultaneously, appreciating the pros and cons of both, allows you to decide, negotiate and create win-win situations.

7) Go Fast, Be Patient: Speed up your daily progress and goals. Push hard for the quarterly milestones, but be patient for the tangible outcomes to fructify, mature and ripen over time. That’s how the compounding effect works.

8) Good to Great: It’s the last mile that differentiates the good from the great. It is easy to start, hard accept the challenges and complete what you started. 98% will quit. 2% will succeed. Survival of the fittest. That’s how it works.

I have summarised my learnings in these 8 secrets that I have learned from my billionaire mentors, which helped me go from zero to a million by age 22, and which has also worked for 1800+ mentees of mine in India, US, Canada & UK.

About Wadhwani Foundation: Wadhwani Foundation was founded in 2000 by Dr. Romesh Wadhwani, with the primary mission of accelerating #job creation in India and other emerging economies through large-scale initiatives in entrepreneurship, small business growth, #innovation, and #skilling. The Wadhwani Foundation operates in 20 countries, including India, South East Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines), East Africa (Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda), Southern Africa (South Africa, Botswana, Namibia), West Africa (Nigeria, Ghana), Egypt, and Latin America (Mexico, Brazil, Peru, Chile). The Wadhwani Foundation works in partnership with governments, foundations, corporations, and educational institutes.

To know more about Wadhwani Foundation and its Initiatives: https://www.wfglobal.org Click here to subscribe WF YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8J1yxr4VDX5KbkACBhMMQA

Connect with us: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wadhwanifoundation Twitter: https://twitter.com/WadhwaniF LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/wadhwanifoundationInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/wadhwanifoundation

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