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scholar-of-yemdresh · 2 days

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Hot take but the aggressive hardline separation of asexual and aromantic is actually EXTREMELY harmful to a lot of ace/aro people.

Angry rant under the cut

It's one to thing to go: "okay yes sometimes they go together but it's important to remember that for some people they can be different things and you can be one and not the other"

And go: "These are TOTALLY DIFFERENT 100 always separate there is no intersection EVER and if you DARE to be both then you have to piecemeal your identity to not uwu invalidate others(we do not care that we are invalidating you though lol) Don't you DARE ever experience them together you are CONFLATING"

It's like yall just want asexual to = alloromantic only and aromantic to = allosexual only.

You don't give a shit about aroaces, aces who aren't alloromantic but don't ID as aromantic or aros who aren't allosexual but don't ID as asexual.

The aspec community despises us. We get talked down to demanded to split our identities apart for your comfort. We can't exist in certain spaces because our presence there is a personal affront to allo-aspecs. Shout out to the alloaros that bitch about those disgusting aroaces just clogging up the aromantic tag ☺. Shout out to the alloaces who can still love and aren't totally heartless monsters 🥺.

Don't talk about ace shit in the aro tags, Don't talk about aro shit in the ace tags...what's that you're both? And can't neatly separate them and it brings you comfort to be able to discuss your whole orientation? SHUT THE FVCK UP YOU CONFLATING IGNORANT SHIT HEAD.

If you want to be in the aromantic community you have to leave your ace-ness at the door same for asexual community and disregarding your aromantism.

A personal example was an Aspec discord server I was in that had two media recs channels one for sex repulsed people and the other for romance repulsed. Now the issue came is that they didn't acknowledge someone could be both i.e both sex & romance repulsed/just looking for media that had neither sexual nor romantic content, what this lead too is that the romance free media channel was filled with graphic hookup erotica or sexually explicit songs and the sex free channel was just fade to black romance books 🙃...wonderful.

Or when polls/forms will ask you to pick your orientation but only things listed are het,gay,bi/pan yes even the ones made by aspecs, and what they actually mean is use the one that correlates to your romantic/sexual attraction...so fvck aroaces and non sam aces & aros?

And don't get me started on how you treat non sam aces & aros. You at least tolerate the self IDing aroaces, because they have the "curtesy" of separating themselves from the real proper aces & aros.(let's not question how many aroaces would prefer to just ID as just asexual or just aromantic but are forced into aroace identity because that would be "conflating" and they don't want to deal with the harassment).

"UwU don't say asexual when you actually mean aromantic" Some bitches don't use to SAM fvck off with allo-splaining my own sexuality to me.

It would be so much easier and save a lot of pain if yall just went : "asexual for some means no sexual attraction and it says nothing of your romantic attraction AND some people use it to mean no attraction generally". And "aromantic for some means no romantic attraction and it says nothing of your sexual attraction AND some people use it to mean no attraction generally" and "for some they are separated but others not so much as there isn't always a strict separation. Just be chill about it don't accuse people of being ignorant or conflating they know their identities better than you". But no ya chose violent aphobia instead.

But ultimately nobody cares because this shit is only harming the undesirable aces/aros the ones who are harmful stereotypes the ones that make you "look bad".

I know deep in my heart there are a lot of alloaces & alloaros that who would be happy if aroaces & non sam aces/aros didn't exist, there I said it. How can I not come to that conclusion when at every turn they shit on us. They talk about how the worst thing in the world is to be mistaken for one of us. That our representation is actively harmful.

A last parting spicy take it's either "asexulity and aromantism are full identities on their own and aren't modifiers" OR "actually neither asexual nor aromantic can stand on their own they need to be paired with another orientation and they actually are just modifiers" you can't have it both ways. 🤭

#asexual #aromanticism #aro #ace #non sam aro #aphobia #acephobia in the aro community #arophobia in the ace community #vent #i love how no matter what alloaces & alloaros can take a break from being aphobic to eachother and join forces where it really matters #being aphobic and hateful towards aroaces! I LOVE that aspec solidarity #the community also despises sex & romance repulsed aspecs but that's a rant for another day #also can we talk about how this has embolden full on allos to talk shit on aroaces??? excuse me???#when an allo bitch is talking down to you about how you're using asexual or aromantic wrong #bitch who the fvk are you? gtfo outta aspec spaces now interloper #aroace #non sam ace #I'm pissed so i might delete later lol #never forget the time on reddit i made a long post pleading with the community not to force the sam on all aces #and that non sam aces aren't ignorant or invalidating anyone and we should be shown grace and acceptance in the community #...only for an (allo?)ace to basically say it's my fault if people assume I'm alloace or accuse me of conflating if i ID as just ace #lol get bent

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spades-suit · 6 months

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I wish "asexuals who also fuck" hadn't become the norm in the ace community. Oh well, back to feeling alienated in what was supposed to be a safe space.

#this also goes for 'aromantics in romantic relationships'#like for fucks sake #every time a character is canonically or implied to be aro or ace the general public's response was #'but they can still have sex/be in a relationship!!!11!'#and that was always annoying as hell #but now it's people in the aro/ace community doing it too #like fuck off can't we have the few representation we get be as far away for allonormativity/amatonormativity as possible?#is that too much to ask?#sorry this has become a rant #night talks

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astriiformes · 11 months

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Might actually cry a little bit (in a good way) - the new bill that just passed here in Minnesota granting paid medical leave to people caring for sick family members has such an intentionally expansive definition of "family" that biological and/or legal ties are not actually a prerequisite to qualify for the program. In fact, there's a portion of the bill that specifies anyone designated as family by the incapacitated party can receive the benefits.

Apparently this was done in part to make the policy as inclusive as possible of queer family structures and I am absolutely floored; as someone with a seriously chronically ill queerplatonic partner I worry a lot about my options as a primary caretaker, seeing as the fact that we are not legal partners bars us from so many other benefits, but the fact that this particular one would be inclusive of us (and poly partners, and single queer people with no ties to their biological family but close friends willing to help them out, etc) has given me more hope that may change someday than I think anything ever has.

This is how you do policy that benefits the entire queer community, including poly, ace, and aro folks for whom same-sex marriage has never offered the same legal rights (and plenty of other folks besides, like disabled people or people with terrible biological families -- you don't have to be LGBTQA+ for it to be a seriously important option). This is genuinely incredible. I was excited to see this pass even without knowing it would potentially apply to me, too, but now I'm a total grateful, emotional mess.

#genuinely can't believe this is something that was prioritized in the bill (and then PASSED)#minnesota: a pro-found family state apparently #land of eldritch lakes #aroblogging #aceblogging

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penguinsfly · 2 months

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I unfortunately saw something I didn't want to see and that was my last straw. I'm fucking doing this.

Let's establish this first. Alastor is stated in the show to be asexual that is not up to discussion. He is also very heavily implied in the same conversation to be aromatic. 'An Ace in the hole' being used in context of him being with Charlie is also implying his aromanticism.

VIDEO

If that's not enough then here is Viv speaking about his romantic orientation. It's pretty clear despite the fact that afterwards she said it's okay to headcanon whatever (it's not but I will get o that later) that he is written purely as an aro ace character.

On top of that going by Alastor's interaction with Angel from the pilot and the first episode it is clear that he is sex repulsed. Not only that but on the fandom website he is stated to be touch averse with two sources which you can check out on the website.

Hazbin hotel wiki, Alastor page

Now we established that Alastor is canonically Asexual, Aromantic, Sex Repulsed and Touch Averse

As I also am all of the above I'll try to explain everything to the best of my ability as simply as I can.

Aromanticism and Asexuality.

I'm probably targeting the audience that knows those terms but regardless I will explain it anyway.

Aromantic - people that experience little to no romantic attraction towards any gender

Asexual - people that experience little to no sexual attraction towards any gender.

Little to no

Asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums in which people can feel certain attractions towards people but those attractions are less occurring or are defined by personal connection.

Diagram from AVEN website

However some people are at the end of the spectrum, they never felt attraction and that's valid. Alastor was stated to be aroace he wasn't written as demi or as gray he was written as aroace as in the end of the spectrum. His repulsion and not giving shit about romance or sex speaks for itself.

Representation

I do understand that everyone wants to be represented but it's so important to understand that aroace people are one of the most underrepresented queer groups in the media.

And I'm not here to scream about how I want my fav character to be just like me I don't care for it I'm way too confident in my orientation to rely on that however I'm tired of explaining to people what asexuality and aromanticism is just to receive 'are you sure' or 'you'll change your mind' or 'its not real' or the community favourite 'you'll find the right person' no I won't I'm not looking thank you very much (I just smile and nod to be polite and I'm sick of it).

'Harmless' buts like: 'He might be on the spectrum', 'AroAce people can still feel attraction' hurt the final outcome for all the people on the spectrum not only strictly aroaces because it allows people to write one shots with 'Demi Alastor' that falls in love in 2000 words because he is 'demi' (spoiler alert: they don't understand what that label means). It's just a cover, an opening, sneaky way to disregard his orientation, feel good about themselves and move on. Newsflash there is no moving on for aroace people it's our life.

Shipping

Shipping is just harmless fun right? Usually yes but not in this case. In the same way its not okay to ship gay characters with genders they are not attracted to.

It's erasure and since there is much less people identifying on aro/ace spectrums then there is gay or bi people our voices are being silenced. Not to mention that gay people received support from entire LGBTQIA+ community over the years in contrast to aro/ace specs who to this day are told that we are 'not queer enough' or 'not oppressed enough' often by other queer people.

And finally... FINALLY we get cannon Aro/Ace character that is clearly not interested in romance and sex. Character that beats stereotypes of boring and timid aro/ace people and what's the first people do? They ship him. Alastor's storyline provides so many points to be explored like 'what is his backstory', ' what's about his deal', ' how does he fit in in the found family trope' , 'does he care about hotel guests' yet people choose to write about the only thing that he is not interested in. As a heavily repulsed person that used to be horrified about the fact that I'll have to fall in love with somebody at some point before I found out what aro/ace is I find it repulsive and trust me he would too.

But Viv said it's okay!

Its the same point once again. What if Viv said that it's okay to ship gay Angel with woman. She doesn't have authority to say shit like that.

Queerplatonic relationships

I can't tell you not to do it I don't think he would be necessary interested in it but for fuck sake do your research and try to understand what queerplatonic means before you use it as a cover to shamelessly ship him. Respect the fact that he is sex repulsed and touch averse and you're fine.

Why can't you just avoid it?

First of all I shouldn't have to. Alastor's orientation should be respected in the fandom like any other orientation is. Second of all I've tried. I tried to only look up AroAce Alastor tag I've blocked over 80 people on tumblr alone (I just counted) to avoid to see anything that could trigger me and I'm not talking about slightly shippy posts or fanarts I'm talking about full blown disregard towards his orientation. Guess what it didn't work!

Archive of our own where do I start. I've used this website for over a decade and I could probably count days I didn't go there on my fingers. I'm fluent in AO3 I know which tags I should block. I know how to skim thorough the summary and tags to see if I'm interested. I've seen shit I'm a shipper I've been on ao3 for ten years but never had to mentally prepare myself to face queerphobia as I click on the tab.

Just use aro/ace Alastor tag.

I do and let me tell you people can't tag for shit or they just pretend to be clueless at this point. Besides see this?

there is more ff with Alastor/reader (disgusting) than there is Alastor with his canon orientation and to play the devils advocate for arophobic people there is more Angel/Alastor then his stated in the show sexuality. I understand that fandom goes back before the show was aired but Viv confirmed his orientation back then too.

Summary

I could go on and on bout different issues and maybe I will in the future but I'm not wasting anymore of this weekend on it. I'm ready to answer any questions as long as they are respectful.

I'm aware that he is a fictional character, it doesn't affect him in any way whatsoever but it does affect aromantic and asexual people keep it in mind.

If there are any mistakes grammar related I'm not sorry I'm fluent in English (not my first language) but I took 3h nap in between and I'm sleep deprived.

Have a nice day.

#alastor #aroace alastor #hazbin hotel #aromantic #asexual #aromantic alastor #asexual alastor

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decolonize-the-left · 1 year

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Ive seen an influx in posts asking the LGBT community to hold itself accountable for ace/aro bigotry and they're fucking right.

How are we supposed to hold homophobes and transphobes accountable and demand they do better when we won't even do that for each other?

We're a community right? A family who's supposed to look out for each other? What happened to everyone being valid? Is a sibling saying "you hurt me, please correct it somehow" not valid?

For my part I'll admit I was part of this.

I was on the side of the asexual exclus back in the late 00's/early 10's. I was deep in the belief that oppression had to be systematic in order to count and at the time I didn't see any systematic oppression faced by aces. I even identified as ace and I didn't consider myself oppressed for being asexual. I saw the hostility and vitriol directed at aces everyday...but I didn't see it as wrong. I didn't see it as bigotry. I saw it as righteous anger.

I know how awful things were because I was one of the people making them that way. There is Real trauma that was experienced. There's no fucking way that a normal person could be invalidated that much and take the vitriolic bigotry aces/aros did everyday and have it not leave a lasting impact.

I fucked up. That was wrong and awful of me and I'm genuinely so fucking sorry.

I see the broken trust and promises between us now in 2023 and I see how shattered the community is and it's partly my fault. That gap is there because of me and people like me.

We should have loved and supported and welcomed you. We should have saw the way you were being treated and said something. You deserved to be protected and loved and supported from people who treated you that way.

And you weren't. We didn't. And it was normalized.

We absolutely fucking failed you as a community and as human beings. I need to own that. And I need to be one of the first people to trying to repair that.

And I know an apology is barely even a first step and I know it's just a drop in a giant bucket but I am sorry. For everything it's worth to you, I'm sorry.

Because of me and people like me you experienced the kind of identity trauma that typically only homophobes are capable of. And you experienced it at the hands of the community that's supposed to be fighting specifically that sort of ignorance against a-typical sexualities.

We fucked up

And it'd just be hypocritical salt in the wound if 10+ years later we ignored your asks for accountability and didn't do anything about it when it's resurfacing.

So yeah.

I was a bigot. I hurt people. I hurt my own community. I thought I was right and I wasn't. I was wrong. And so is everyone who insists on continuing that today.

There is no excuse or justification for it. I thought there was too but I was wrong and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making up for it.

Whatever justification you find for treating people with a-typical sexualities and genders is shit. It has no leg to stand on and it sure as hell isn't being done for the sake of the community.

The LGBT community was founded not by people with checklists on how to be a Good Gay or Acceptable trans woman but by people being treated like shit for who they were choosing to love or not love. It was founded by people who's gender didn't fit in cishet boxes. It was founded by people who just wanted to be free to exist as themselves.

You can't treat asexuals or aros or bisexuals or pansexuals like shit and say that it's in the name of the LGBT community.

It's not.

It spits in the face of everything our community is supposed to be and it's time someone besides aces and aros said it.

None of us should be okay with how they're treated and all of us should be part of stopping it

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risesthenight · 7 months

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Aro vs Ace

As someone who’s aroace i’ve noticed a very clear cultural distinction between people who are just ace and people who are aroace. One of the most commonly used phrases i’ve seen in the ace community is the classic “we’re still human, we still feel love” excuse. A phrase that throws every aromantic individual under the bus when certain aces try to defend their orientations to straight people.

If you grew up aroace, or just aromantic, you’ve most likely felt broken. Surrounded by love being broadcasted as a milestone, and forced upon everyone with romcoms , true loves kisses, and “there’s someone for everyone” type phrases. If you grew up ace, you felt broken too. Surrounded by first times, the purity of virginity, and the fantasies that everyone seemed to have. However, people are more likely to be accepting of aces, because they see it as a choice to stay celibate. While that’s not true, they have something to lean back on, something pre-existing that allows their “choice” to be accepted. But when people hear of someone who doesn’t experience love? That is much less likely to be accepted. You will be told that you are broken. You will still be believed to have made this as a choice, and people will try to convince you to rethink the decision. There is nothing to lean back on, because the idea of being loveless, will always going with being heartless. You’re suddenly a monster, you are not pure.

Over the past few years, asexual has becoming a growing label in the community. Asexual characters appear all over media, it’s actually a much more common label now. There is still discrimination, there is still hate, but there is more acceptance than there has ever been before. Aros are at a point where they’re still more likely to be shunned for their lack of attraction, all while watching their Ace friends be accepted. Because at least they still love, right? They’re not completely broken, unlike them. Because love is love. The very phrase that isolates us from the community. If love is love, where the hell do we go? What if there is no love?

For this reason, I always resonated more with the aromantic part of aroace. Whenever I scroll the ace tag, or talk with ace people, I’m still finding myself being outcasted, feeling as if the label shouldn’t even apply to me. To scroll the aro tag, I feel much more at home. They don’t hold messages with cruel undertones, there is no undermining of ace identities, just an embrace of our collective independence.

I’m aroace, but I hardly feel ace.

#aromantic #asexual #pride #lgbtqia #aroace #aroace positivity #relatable #lgbt safe space #safe space #queer

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vegasandhishedgehog · 6 months

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Seeing a lot of upset posts about how the show ended with Boston and feeling like something really went over a few heads. Do I also believe Boston deserved better? Yes. But let's be realistic in the way Jojo and Ninew approached this.

Boston and his promiscuity have been the target of harsh judgements from episode one. And the writers have stated that he has a moral code, it's just very different from others. I was never expecting him to state it outright, that it would just be a thing worth paragraphs of speculative meta, but he does!

Boston stated his definition of boyfriend. If he wants to be exclusive, that's for all the emotional bonding that he desires with someone special, but does not deny him the ability to fulfill his physical desires with whomever he wishes. That's not just polyamory, it's a very specific kind!!! And it's entirely different from the traditional sort of relationship society has accepted. The thing is, he wouldn't have discovered that possibility without knowing Nick.

Boston did genuinely fall for Nick. But how could he have handled that properly when he has no experience being loved and has never learned how to love someone back? Moreover, how could he come to the conclusion that he likes being exclusive in one way but not another without absolutely fumbling the bag with someone who's on a different page? It's not exactly Nick's fault that he prefers physical affection to be exclusive as well, that's just how he is. There couldn't have been any discussion about this, it was a discovery in the making.

The truth is Boston would still have a hard time finding happiness in Thailand due to the political climate, especially with his father being a politician. He's gay and that alone makes achieving his dreams more difficult, but being as promiscuous as he is means even a majority of the queer community will shut him out. He's better off moving to the states where at least he has rights and better acceptance for who he is. And that's what happened.

Because having a sexual or romantic appetite outside of monogamy is still looked down on. I still see it in the BL fandom. I see it just in general. 3 Will Be Free is so often cited as a must-watch, but how many people stick to their comfort branded pairings?* How many people have made or heard jokes about the "Seattle polycule"? How many romantic aces and allosexual aros get othered and excluded and judged for their identity?

Jojo said there was no intended message, but that doesn't mean there isn't one to be found. Boston's arc is a prime example of how slutty queers get treated even by their own peers, even by people who care about them most. It's a cry from the cold and lonely dark that if we think these people deserve better, we need to change existing paradigms and find how we can give them that!

Nick wasn't prepared to do that because he is still hurting, and that's also okay. Not everyone has to change themselves to make the puzzle pieces fit. Boston and Nick's story centers around that so much. Nick being jealous and trying to copy Top, Boston trying to be what he thinks a boyfriend is - they only hurt each other because the parts that don't fit are digging in.

I hope we get a second season, but if not friends, remember Boston. He represents such a particular demographic that gets hated on and ignored constantly, and they deserve a chance. They're not easy, but that doesn't mean they're not worth it. Remember Nick too. We all have a Nick in some manner - someone that made us want to try, but no matter how much we cared for each other it just wasn't going to work. Family, friends, partners, whoever.

Instead of being outraged with the show, be outraged with society. Do something about it. Be kinder. Community is important, now more than ever. I cannot possibly overstate how much we need community, especially among minorities.

*this isn't meant to be judgmental toward fans who prefer branded pairings or aren't interested in that particular show. I know watching anything requires time and energy and scratching a certain itch at the right moment. It is, however, a concern that so many fans complained about numerous aspects of OF to the point where the creators went to the effort of explaining themselves on a weekly basis and editing certain parts to avoid backlash. I mentioned 3 Will Be Free because it's another example of Jojo's work. Many BL fans have heard of it, but only a small portion seem to have watched, and that can be an indicator of certain biases. This is not to imply anyone who hasn't seen it has said biases and is only intended to encourage reflection if needed.

#boston only friends #nick only friends #bostonnick #boston x nick #only friends the series #only friends #ofts #jojo tichakorn #neo trai #mark pakin #neomark

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prince-liest · 1 month

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Don't mind me getting on my soapbox for a moment... a lot of this musing is admittedly for the sake of my own processing of this topic, re: aroaceness. Read at your own peril! <3

I'm generally a very "ship and let ship" kind of person, but I think I would definitely append a little caveat of, like, "As long as you're not being actively invalidating and detrimental to others" to that. Which is a delightfully vague statement that can be interpreted practically any way, I know, hahaha.

In the case of this particular post I've just been thinking about how, like... seeing an aroace character like Alastor get written into dozens upon dozens of PWPs (including ones that don't even touch on the subject of his aceness at all) is really not something that I personally find to be hurtful or offensive. It's just smut for the sake of smut, of a character people want to see awful, sexy things done to (or doing). Valid! I vibe with you! More people should just write the PWPs they want to see in the world!

But on the other hand, I've several times seen this very particular type of art (usually it's a comic, but admittedly I haven't been reading very many Hazbin Hotel fics so maybe it's there, too) where Alastor is slotted into the "methinks the lady doth protest too much" trope. As in, he's expressing strong feelings about a character (usually Vox or Lucifer, sometimes Angel Dust) to someone, probably Rosie, and the person he's confiding to is some variant of, "Oh, silly Alastor, you're obviously in love!" And then he denies it, says that the very idea disgusts him, and the character titters to themselves about how he's so naive in the matters of romance or whatever.

And it's, like.

The "strong feelings" in question are almost always frustration/annoyance/disgust, and him being like, "Nnnno, I just hate his person" is treated like a silly and naive misunderstanding of his own feelings because obviously he's in love. Please imagine that Alastor was a female character who was established to be a lesbian. Now examine how that suddenly makes this scene feel.

(Also, Rosie being the go-to for this is a little frustrating when she's the one who, in canon, explicitly says that she wouldn't make that assumption of him.)

There's such a chasm of difference between how I see people wanting to ship Alastor for reasons of "I just want to!" vs folks who engage with him being aroace in ways that are infantilizing and invalidating. There are so many people out there - not just aro/ace people, but anyone who's not exclusively into the standard type of person they should be into at the time society deems they should be into them, which is most queer people and even many cishet folks - that have been told that exact kind of thing in real life. It reads like something out of a compulsory heterosexuality guidebook, and it actively makes it harder to leave the closet or even realize that you're in one at all.

So I guess it just feels frustrating to see it get made into a punchline, especially by folks who are shipping queer ships. I genuinely can't wait until fandom society advances to the point of consistently treating aro/acespec folks as queer instead of Queer Lite (TM), because let me tell you, ime the comphet experience and the amato/allonormativity experience are in fact nigh-identical except for how they're treated within online communities. There's a reason the pan -> gay -> ace pipeline is a thing.

But, hey! We're already doing way better than we were in 2012!

#personal #aro #ace #aroace #long post #sexuality #please don't come to this post talking about “but gray ace/demi” because I truly don't want to write the requisite 8 paragraph response #just trust me that I know and I don't think it contradicts the specific point I'm making #this is a personal musing on my personal blog because I'm too lazy to separate personal and fandom blogs unu #hazbin hotel #alastor

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hazbinstohell · 3 months

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Something interesting to ponder given the canon depiction of Alastor and Charlie's relationship. I've spoken to aroace people on the subject and they have explained that while they don't feel sexual/romantic attraction to others there are people they hold in a category that's different from pure platonic friendship. It's a desire to be close to an individual. Some have affectionately referred to this person/feelings toward this person as a squish.

That context is necessary as I feel canon is still going to give us charlastor in the form of a squish, even if it's just one sided. Even with how short season 1 is we see that Alastor values Charlie far more highly than anyone else, and he does seem to love being a provider of some kind, if we take Mimzy's words into account,

"But you love taking care of me!"

Even if he's not attracted to someone so long as he cares he will reciprocate that affection through what looks to be acts of service as his love language. We see this with Charlie too, she's upset and while he does make a deal for a favor once the information is handed over he leads her to the one place in Hell where Charlie's natural communication Al methods work far better than what others have conditioned her to do. When the time comes to make a big speech he offers her the crux of his power willingly, not once but twice, he openly says that he had faith in her specifically, even if he doesn't strictly believe in the viability of her mission. Charlie is the only one allowed to touch him (as far as Alastor is concerned) "intimately" and by that I mean that she is able to glomp onto him without waiting first for his express consent like Mimzy and even Rosie had to.

She's already special to him, and I think the nature of their deal means that he specifically went after her because both that she had the power to help him and the kindness not to use this weakness against him. As far as I can tell, that's essentially the squish as I understand it. So even though romantic charlastor will never be canon I still feel that with what we've been given we have a good amount of evidence for the squish theory and that makes me happy so I wanted to share

Very interesting theory. I mean, no, it is canon, I get it. I also see the aro/ace thing, and that should not stop him from having any type of relationships with anyone. I do feel like he tends to flock to Charlie for a variety of reasons, and one of them is she is now accessible and wasn’t before. There is also the fact she is powerful, as he says he sees potential in her. Personally, I see the show promoting a very unique bond between the two, but I will enjoy shipping them.

However, the whole Dad thing gave fuel to a fire…and if they start doing the teacher/student thing…..boy Charlastor shippers will be eating so good.

#hazbin hotel #charlastor #alastor #charlie morningstar #ask me anything

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woennix · 2 months

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I wanna share some positive things the about the QSMP I personally see.

Of course this is just how I see it, but I feel like there's too much negativity and I need some positive stuff so if I don't see it I'll just make it.

The thing I'll highlight here is my favorite aspects of the LGBT relationships in the server in general (Mainly ships).

Firstly of ace character with qCellbit, I'll just say the moment qRoier accepted qCellbit as ace so fucking quickly it made me so happy, and in general I love their relationship and how they supported eachtother during their hardest times (Bobby's loss and qCellbit's whole arc where he pretended to betray everyone). Related to this I love how this doesn't diminish qRoier's friendship with qJaiden and they have such a strong relationship even after he marries qCellbit, she even is seen as part of their family (AS SHE SHOULD!!!!).

I also love qBagi and qTina, where they have a relationship and we can see qTina's insecurities and qBagi's patience for her. I love how qBagi opened up to her and they bonded on feeling alone and now they have eachother :(( (AND A DAUGHTER!!!! THEY WANTED A DAUGHTER AND THEY GOT IT!! W) I don't follow their story as much but their recent developments with qTina's lore is so cool and I'm so excited to see where that's going.

Obviously I love qFit and qPac (I say obviously bc it's all I talk about in my page), but the slow burn story was so good, for both characters where they have a lot to work through but support eachother though everything. My favorite part I guess is seeing them be the ''I am not marrying'' couple. They do not need a marriage to show their relationship and don't care that much about labels. I will say I know they might eventually marry and that's ok, but I for now, I really love how they don't want or care about marriage and that's ok, they're going on their own pace and that's ok too (they haven't had their first kiss yet). Idk I just love them.

The other ships don't catch that much my attention but!! I wanna say I also love the irl representation, with Mike being such an icon and defending the community (and being part of it with his partner Mine <3), Felps always defending it too, and many other. Tubbo, Bagi, Cellbit, also being queer people to look up to, and I am sure I am missing people. But in general I love the server for being so LGBT-friendly always.

I'll also always remember how quickily Slime and Mariana supported Juanaflippa her being trans. All the support she got in-story and outside of it was so nice. (And her as a character in general but that's another topic lmao).

And lastly I'll just say, as an aro-person, I love seeing how not everything is romance, most of my favorite dynamics are not ships, and there are so many found-family aspects on the server, it makes my heart full. Not everything is perfect in it but yeah!! This is an aspect I really love of the server.

#qsmp #some positivity #i am starting to come to terms with myself being bi and aro and generally being confused on a lot of sexuality and romance stuff #so this server is a nice place to be in that regard #anyways that's all from me guys hopefully I make sense I am not corny af #woe's ranting

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aro-comics · 2 years

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Maybe More People Are Arospec (Part 3)

Maybe More People Are Arospec, 3/3 - The Alloaro Edition, in which we cover some alloaro specific (negative) tropes that I personally believe is the reason why there are so few people who identify as alloaro 🙃

I both have everything and nothing to say on this one, because the topic at hand hits home harder than I want to admit 😔. I think it's important to acknowledge the harm that constantly enforcing these ideas about sex without romance as being inherently emotionally drainining, a sign of emotional immaturity, or predatory, etc. probably damages the self-perception and self-worth of most alloaros greatly. Of course,:I understand that NOT ALL highlighted are inherently related to being alloaro - but the way these ideas are framed, especially in the split panel, imply sex without romance is the root of the problem, which in reality it is not. A lack of communication, respect for other's boundaries, or being flat out a predator is the actual issue here.

Anyway, I do understand the intersection of different issues that lead to the ideas that I referenced in the comic (elaborated more in the comments). I suppose the solution, as usual, is more education and more nuance surrounding the discussion 😅😉

I'm so glad to finally have this last part of the series up! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and for sure let me know if there's anything else that I haven't covered here you think also keeps people from realizing that they're aromantic 💚💚💚

[Image Description:

Slide 1: Celia sits on a green armchair in a living room. "Actually, let's make this take even more spicy - maybe a lot more people are alloaro in particular."

Slide 2: She looks down. "Alloaros are more likely to be labelled as heartless, or feel that on top of being 'broken' there's something predatory about themselves -"

Slide 3: "There's this idea that people who only want sex, and not romance, are the kind of people you want to avoid. Who don't care who they hurt. You know the trope - "

Slide 4: An illustrated example of the stereotypical trope. Shown is a house party where two characters are interacting. A taller man leans over a clearly intimidated woman:

"Hey Babe, you alone here tonight?" "Umm …" "Come on, don't be so cold, why don't you loosen up a little?" "No, uh-"

An arrow points to the man that says ""the predatory-college-fuckboy-frat-bro-trope"

Slide 5: Another series of examples, this time illustrated from Celia's childhood. The panel is split into three as you progress through the years. In each section Celia watches a television show.

1: "You can't trust him, ALL he does is sleep around - he's never settled down" 2: "Sorry I'm only looking for something casual right now …" "You're scared of commitment" "No, I-" "You're just using me!" 3: "At least it happened with someone who's loved her and been dating her forever", this is in reference to a teenaged character having sex the first time.

In this last section celia says, forlorn, "There's something wrong with ME, isn't there?"

Slide 6: Celia speaks to viewer directly. "I sure as hell didn't want to admit I was Aro because I knew I wasn't Ace."

Slide 7: "So yeah, those are my thoughts. I've told my allo friends about my theories and they …"

Slide 8: "… didn't exactly believe me." Celia is shown video chatting with her friend, saying "So those are my theories as to why romantic attraction is probably less common than we think, and why there's probably way more Aro people! People are probably too embarassed to admit it because stigma or never even realized it!"

Friend awkwardly says "I … I'm sorry I gotta say I don't agree …"

Slide 9: Celia holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. "Maybe it's just an Aro thing."]

#regularcomic #MMPA #MaybeMorePeopleAreArospec #thealloaroedition

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citizensun · 7 months

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Queerness and the House of Usher (spoilers!)

See I just added these Thoughts to the tags in @quecksilvereyes 's post but now I have Feelings too

TFotHoU (or HoU, as I will refer to it here), as expected from a Mike Flannagan show, has a bunch of Queer Rep™ to talk about. HoU is, also, about remarkably evil people - amoral capitalists who'll step over anyone if it means they'll get something from it. And look! Some of them are queer! Kinky too!

That's bad queer representation... right?

The show isn't that clear when stablishing sexualities, but we see that at least three of the Usher kids - Napoleon, Camille and Victorine - have same sex SOs/assistants with curious job descriptions. Prospero's taste for orgies probably implies queerness too, but honestly I don't remember if he gets it going with any guys in the story. I honestly have no idea about Tamerlane's voyerism thingie and Frederick is the only one with a "traditional family" going on.

Unrelated, but: Leo is definitely cheating on his bf Julius. Completely dismissing about his worries for him too. And for his cat. That's objectively evil, clearly. Vic literally killed her fiancée Alessandra, though she didn't stuff her under the floorboard, which is an L when compared to Poe's original. Cam doesn't believe in true love. Perry blackmailed his sister in law. Mean. He's also got a surprisingly high kill count for the family's disappointment, but since unlike Roderick he only killed rich people, we stan. I don't belong in Kinky spaces so I haven't got a big take on Tammie, only that - well, she's completely dismissing of her husband and sees him as a prop, just like the sex worker she hires.

Huh.

See, the nature of a story called "the fall of X family" is that X family is going to be the main character. The title kinda implies that they're falling for a reason, ergo, they're despicable fucking people. And they're queer! They're very queer. Many flavors of gay. They're the main characters, and they're monsters, and they're gay.

No, that's not bad rep.

Queerness as a movement, a community and a theory is very focused on scaping a cisheteronormative society's binaries (ie man/woman, husband/wife, public/private) and creating living conditions to those who fall outside of these categories - mlms and wlws, the trans, the nbs, the aros and aces... we are all queer, strange and estranged from this weird and limited worldview. And so we create a community for ourselves. It's very focused on care and anti-stablishment. Since a cisheteronormative society tends to be very white, rich and western, it's also focuses on anti-racism, anti-capitalism, anti-imperialism. Y'all know that, this is Tumblr and we love leftist Discourse.

I also know many, many gay people irl who are not like that at all. Libertarians, anarcho-capitalists, terfs, completely apolitical people and the like. Sexuality at it's core is personal, not political, so there are gay people out there who are perfectly comfortable with their sexuality on an individual level but do not see the point of getting involved in the broader context. They're queer, but are they...?

Well—

Not to mention there's lots of asshole gays out there! Don't you have a shitty ex? Have you never been almost run over by a drunken butch who blew cigar smoke into your face? I have! Life experiences are just like that. Maybe you should touch more grass. You'll probably find a lucky gift from your neighbour's dog, who is an astrology-obsessed bisexual and also really hot but stopped making out with you at a party once she found out you're a pisces (the neighbour, not the dog).

(Granted, none of this is as bad as implanting an experimental heart contraption into the fiancée you just killed because she dared to have ethical principles and then being so consumed with grief you stab yourself in front you'd your dad but you know how it goes. We're not the 1%.)

My point is, queer people are people. We are complex. We fuck up, and sometimes there's still times to fix things and sometimes... there isn't. We're consumed by jealousy and regret and sometimes we're so locked into our own head we stop believing the rest of the world is real too. Just like any other people, because unfortunately, queerness isn't a sign of morality.

And even if queerness does mean community, kindness and acceptance, tell me... Where the hell would the Usher kids get those from? The people around them are not really peers – they're ass-istants, blowjob-giving apartments, orgy mates, heart surgery providers, hired fitness moneybags, perfect housewives. Even if the partners are all shown to care for the Ushers, there's still a distance, a power gap, that makes the relationships fundamentally wrong.

And the partners? Arguably they're the good queer rep in the show, but look – even when Julius and Alessandra are shown to be good people (or at least people with an ethical boundary), they're not the good gays, they're simply the good SO's to a family of psychos. Exactly like Bill and Morrie, who afawk are straight people.

Which leads us to HoU's parameter of morality - Auguste Dupin. He refuses to drink the Amontillado, symbol of all the Usher opulence over the years. He got screwed over by the Usher twins and by the Raven herself, but he refused to cave in (except for the informant part, admittedly). He's not a good gay guy; he is gay and he is a good man.

The fundamental difference between our show's main tragic yaoi couple isn't that Auggie is a happily out gay man (and therefore is good) while Roderick is a sad divorced hetero (and therefore is bad). Auggie is the richer man because he is a good man; he has a spouse and children and grandchildren he loves with all his heart. He has a family and a community and he has found a sort of happiness no money can buy. Roderick owns the world – but what does he really have? What do his children even have? How could they ever build communities for themselves if they were never in one? Their father made them compete for his love. He never nurtured their bonds, he just showered them with money and excess until it was too much for them to handle. Juno herself pointed out - they were never a family. The House of Usher was only that. A house. It is empty and soulless.

What is queerness without a community? How could the people who represent the relentless corporate normativity and cutthroat capitalism ever be good queer rep? How can they even be queer?

Hear me out: on the most individual, simple level, being queer is still about not fitting in. These kids are bastards. They are are PoC and women in a predominantly male and white dominated space. They're on top of the world, but they're still outsiders to their own House. How could they not be queer?

And yes, I know this discussion takes a different turn when it comes to representation in media, but it's not like Flannagan fell into a Hays Code-era flamboyant villain trope. Queerness is just there. Just like Victorine and August are both black people in (arguably) the opposite ends of the morality spectrum, there are queer characters of many kinds here. The story just happens to be about the fucked up ones.

HoU is a poignant critique of capitalism and a surprisingly funny adaptation of Poe. We'll judge it by that. It happens to be queer – more things should be.

#the fall of the house of usher #TFotHoU #victorine lafoucarde #camille l'espanaye #napoleon usher #prospero usher #tamerlane usher #roderick usher #queer theory #queerness #lgbtqia #edgar allan poe #mike Flannagan #sun o' mine

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our-aroace-experience · 3 months

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(TW for vent full of internalized aphobia.)

I'm aroace and agender/genderless, which kind of puts me in a weird spot because I'm not cishet (because I'm... Neither cis nor het), but I'm not confidently LGBTQ+ either because it's a discourse topic that I don't want to get involved in. I stayed in the closet for at least a couple years because I internalized so much of that shit and was convinced my identity was inherently problematic somehow lol.

So, just to be safe and avoid intruding on anyone's space, I just say I'm neither cishet nor queer/LGBTQ+. Problem is, it seems like everyone wants you to be one of those things or the other. If I say I'm not LGBTQ+, people assume I'm cishet, which leads to me getting misgendered and/or assumed to be straight even though I'm definitely not (and that has led to some uncomfortable situations with straight people thinking I might be into them). But if I say I'm not cishet, people put me in the LGBTQ+ community regardless of whether or not I really belong there, so I feel like I'm infiltrating someone else's community and stealing from them.

One time I met someone online who was trans, biromantic, and ace, and she also didn't consider herself LGBTQ+ because she had seen a lot of transphobia biphobia and aphobia in that community. And it surprised me so much, because it had never occurred to me that there are people who don't consider themselves part of the community despite having "real LGBT" identities.

This sounds weird, but I wonder how many others out there consider themselves "neither." It's kind of lonely but for me it feels like the safest option, at least for now.

(I just want to add, this isn't meant to attack ace/aro/agender people who do consider themselves LGBTQ+. That's completely fine, and if I wasn't so jaded by ace discourse I'd probably identify as such too. I consider myself "neither" because of personal reasons related to aphobia, not because I believe A is for ally or anything like that.)

discourse is the worst, and i’m sorry it’s made you feel you can’t be a part of the community, you absolutely can if you want to!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aro pride #ace pride

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 4 months

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"you make being gay your personality" uh no

we talk about and make jokes about how we're gay, or trans, or bi, pan, enby, aro, ace and all of the lovely and valid identities in the queer spectrum. and if you think we do it too much and you're okay with queer people but why do we have to "make it our whole personality"? it's alright sit down i'll tell you what's up

(TLDR up front coz i know long posts are hard for some folks: we do it to affirm our identities and find love, acceptance and community because IT IS SO RARE TO FIND SAFE ENOUGH SPACES WHERE WE CAN TALK ABOUT OUR QUEERNESS.)

We're so relieved that we have even small spaces or people that we feel safe enough in and around to make those jokes and comments. We're so relieved, we want to enjoy that relief of not being hatecrimed, disowned, and all the awful things that happen to this community.

We're so intent in being proud of our identity and reaffirming it, when so many people invalidate us every day.

We're so eager to connect with other queer people, to be assured that we are not alone, we have a family, we have a community.

We want to lighten up the mood around queer discussions, to make sure it's recognised as normal and human, to make sure it's not a dark taboo topic.

We want to reassure ourselves. That we are safe, that we are accepted, that we are loved, that we are valid. And we are.

We talk about it, we make jokes about it, because for so many centuries, and even now in most places and for most people, we couldn't and can't. When we are able to, we will.

Some of us have different reasons, too, reasons I may not know about and that's great too! I'd love to hear the opinions of other queer folks. Tell me if you feel anything needs to be changed or clarified, too, I'm open to hearing you out :)

And as for things that are not jokes, if you're complaining about a queer person speaking up about their experiences and/or the discrimination they have faced then mate you need to leave, educate yourself on sensitivity and empathy, and only then return.

And to my queer siblings who say "i can't open this packet of biscuits im too gay for this": you guys are totally valid i too am too gay to open biscuit packets sometimes. Straight people who are offended by this: this is a joke. That we are allowed to make. See? it's that easy.

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nyxsealia · 4 months

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When I was 17 and trying to figure out what the heck my sexuality was, the main, if not only, piece of advice I found online, even when I directly asked people, was to go out and experiment sexually with various people and see what gender I enjoyed sex with most. And years later, that still seems to be the advice most of us give when someone is trying to figure out their sexuality. And there's nothing wrong with doing that, and if that's what helped you, great. But I do think there's issues with this being the most prevalent advice.

There are a lot of reasons someone may not want to do this, various personal or religious reasons, comfort levels, a lack of interest in sex, not experiencing much or any sexual attraction, or simply being too young for this to be applicable.

I found the advice unhelpful for many of the reasons I just mentioned, and it left me feeling lost on how I was supposed to find out what my orientation was. It also left me with thoughts like how can I be a part of queer culture if I don't want to experiment sexually or be sexually active? Even looking at articles with advice on dating as a queer woman I saw bullet points like "It's okay to have sex on the first date!" there was so much emphasis on how it's okay to have very active sex lives that it left me feeling like if I didn't want that, I'd never be able to have relationships because there'd be an expectation of sex right off the bat. Don't get me wrong, sex positivity is important and we shouldn't shame people for their sex lives. But I feel like we don't don't talk about not being into that kind of thing enough.

I also didn't know at the time that I was asexual, and while I'm sex neutral and open to the idea of sex with a trusted partner, I don't have any desire to seek out sexual relationships. Not experiencing sexual attraction made figuring out my attraction a thousand times harder. I still don't know if I'm bi/pan or lesbian. I do refer to myself as gay or lesbian in some instances, but sometimes I say queer or just shrug and say "I like girls" or "I'm not straight" and some days I'm okay with the vagueness of that, but other days I feel the stress and pressure of having to pick an identity in order to have a community to belong to and be accepted. That stress and pressure doesn't get better when all the advice I can find on the subject just tells me to have sex and that'll clear everything up.

We put a lot of focus on finding out exactly "what" you are. And I don't think sex is the best way to do that. Lots of people have varying interest in sexual or physical intimacy, not just queers. My cishet friend told me she got a boyfriend but she wasn't entirely sure if what she was feeling was romantic, and that the idea of kissing made her uncomfortable. She doesn't identify as ace or aro, and she shouldn't have to. People can have a lack of interest in these things without a lack of attraction.

Another issue with this advice is that sexual and romantic attraction doesn't always line up for everyone. You may enjoy sex with all genders, but find you only have a desire to date one. So sexual experimenting wouldn't necessarily answer the question for you. Orientation is really complicated. I did mostly consider myself lesbian, but I occasionally find men aesthetically attractive, and I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm actually bi but still feel uncomfortable using the term.

All this needlessly long and ramble-y text to say, this advice is simply useless to a lot of people. And while I can't speak personally for this part, I'd bet at least some people who enjoy sexual experimentation still weren't sure of their orientation at the end of it. This advice shouldn't be presented as the one size fits all solution.

If you're uncomfortable or uninterested in figuring out your identity this way, there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with not knowing. You don't have to know right now, or ever if you'd prefer that. It's okay to use vague terms. It's also okay to use whatever label feels closest even if it's not perfect. And remember, you're not locked into anything. You can always change labels.

There is no right way to determine your orientation. Everyone discovers themself in different ways and at different ages. It's not a race or a checklist. The most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself and whatever you do to figure yourself out, be safe.

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chronicbeans · 11 months

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Romantic Wally Darling with an Aro/Ace Reader Headcanons:

TW: None

The aro/ace community needs more representation omg. I did my best, but since it is a bit of a spectrum, this might not be representative of everybody!

🌹 You, most likely, recently moved into the neighborhood. I believe Wally knows everything about everyone in the neighborhood, so for him to not know much about you, you HAVE to be a recent addition. He's like that nosey neighbor, but instead of it being for a negative reason like suspicion or whatever, he is just childishly curious about others. Especially when it comes to new people, too! He has a bit of trouble understanding a person's boundaries when it comes to meeting someone for the first time.

🌹 When he saw you move in, it was like love at first sight for him! He truly believes that love at first sight is a thing, especially because of all the books he's read. Many of them include love at first sight, with their explanations of how it feels being exactly like what he feels right now! He immediately gets a bunch of flowers and treats to gift to you. He is a bit confused by the slightly uncomfortable look you gave him, but he just chalks it up to the two of you only recently meeting. So, he plays it off as a welcome gift.

🌹 As it goes on, you begin to try to figure out how exactly to break the news to him. It is EXTREMELY obvious that he has some sort of crush on you. The amount of times he has given you roses, candies, and love notes from "secret admirer" that is so clearly his handwriting is telling. The most confusing part is trying to make sure he doesn't cry or anything from believing he has made you uncomfortable or unwelcomed in anyway, and to make sure he understands that you understand he meant no harm.

🌹 You decide to ask Eddie for help, seeing if he can give you any advice. He knows Wally better than you do, after all. The best advice he gives you is to just be honest with him, since he loves to learn. He even explains his own situation when he explained that he and Frank were getting married. Wally was a bit confused, but immediately accepting of the situation. He just never heard of such a thing before.

🌹 So, you take a deep breath, before marching over to Home to visit Wally. When he answers the door, he opens it with wide, excited eyes, practically bouncing up and down with joy. You take a deep breath, again, before saying "Can we talk? Maybe over some snacks?"

🌹 Sitting him down, you begin to explain the situation. He asks a bunch of questions, such as "So... no romantic feelings? At all?" "Yes, none at all. It isn't just you, so don't take it personally." "Okay... did I make you uncomfortable?" "A little, but I know you didn't mean to and didn't know. I don't blame you." "Oh... okay..."

🌹 He is... unusually quiet. Then again, you have never seen Wally when he is learning something. However, he keeps asking small questions. What are you comfortable with? What about his actions made you uncomfortable? Was it the romantic intentions behind doing it, or was it the fact that the action itself is seen as romantic by society? Wait... how the heck does he know something like societal standards-

🌹 You quickly learn that Wally is a lot smarter than he looks when it comes to socialization. He might act a little strange to some, but he clearly knows about things like social stigmas, societal norms, and the likes. He just doesn't seem to care about conforming to them. Which, from what you can tell, makes him much more accepting of different people with a wide range of personalities, backgrounds, and identities.

🌹 He has this strange way of understanding not understanding. As much as he wants to know what it is like to be you, understand everything about you, and know exactly how you feel, he can't. He knows he can't because he isn't you. So, he just accepts that identifying the way you do makes you happy, explains who you are the best way that you can, and allows him to have a slightly more clear view of your boundaries. It makes you comfortable, which is something he would never dream of taking away or invalidating. In a way, you are a lot like Eddie! Someone he didn't understand at first, but now has a clearer picture of. Same with Poppy and Frank, too!

🌹 Depending on your comfort range with romantic actions, the two of you could become queerplatonic friends, acting in ways seen as romantic by most while the relationship is explicitly platonic. Or, if you are not comfortable with that, it is perfectly fine to Wally. Wally is content with just being friends in general. He might be a little disappointed, but after some thought, love at first sight could just be... Well, love at first sight! Love doesn't have to mean romantic love! Love could be platonic, romantic, loving a food, activity... Whatever! So if him loving you at first sight means that you were destined to be the best of friends, he is completely content with that.

#welcome home #wally darling x reader #wally darling #aro/ace #aro pride #ace pride #They need more representation

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