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inkskinned · 11 months

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im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

#i hope you are okay #i wish i could help more #i hope the pain eases soon #and i hope that you stay #ps . to those of you reading this thinking i should help you too: please just dm me #it makes me really #really really scared when it's anonymous #bc i cant check in with u #i am not a professional and i am not actually good at helping ppl through their troubles #this is an exception bc they are 16 #not the rule #ps if u misunderstand ''being a teenager is the hardest thing i ever did'' when i mention briefly that i was in unsafe housing...#trust me. it was worse there. by like A HUGE margin #every person raised in unsafe housing nodding their head like . oh yeah worse stuff TECHNICALLY happened after but leaving that home was #legit the hardest thing i ever did

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communistchilchuck · 14 days

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Besan reached out to me to help share her fundraiser. She is urgently raising money to evacuate her parents and siblings from Gaza to Egypt. She has only made €3,290 out of her €25,000 goal so far! Please donate and share, and if you can’t donate, please still share!

From Besan’s GFM:

Hello, my name is Besan.

I am from Gaza, currently in Germany since November 21th.

As much as it pains me to resort to fundraising, it is the only option left for me to save my family's life.

I feel useless.I want them to stay alive. ‏

My family, consisting of my mother, father, sisters and brothers, have been forced to evacuate five times so far, moving to what was supposed to be safer places, but there is no safe place anymore. When the war started, they were evacuated hoping they could return once it ended and continue their lives as usual, without knowing it would last this long, After 5 months of this war, we learned that the house we built just 8 months ago suffered severe damage ‏

So please, if you decide to help, know that I will be immensely grateful and deeply thankful. Every amount, no matter how small or large, is valuable and greatly appreciated, and I will be grateful to you for the rest of my life.

Purpose of Fundraising Campaign I am initiating this fundraising campaign to evacuate my family through the Rafah/Egypt crossing, which currently requires $7000 per person. This is our only chance to survive. I humbly seek your assistance now more than ever.

- Conclusion: Asking for help is not easy, but we are left with no choice. Your support could mean the difference between life and death for my family. We are deeply grateful for any assistance you can provide. Thank you for your kindness and generosity in our time of need

#palestine #free palestine #gaza

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satorkive · 7 months

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REWIND: JUJUTSU TECH—2006

“gojo-sensei, i’m home.”

megumi who just got home from school called out for his teacher. his training with nobara and itadori ended a little bit late.

he found gojo sleeping in the couch with a laptop on. he stared at his teacher’s face with dry tears streaked on his cheeks. megumi who became curious because gojo didn’t let his vulnerability out and he’s probably crying because of something he had watched.

there were various tapes scattered around the table and the laptop had the pause button. he quietly placed himself in front of the laptop and pressed the play button.

in the beginning there was darkness, but a girl their age or probably older than them sat in front of the camera.

she looked pretty. megumi thought in awe. although there was a dull look in your eyes and your skin looked like blood had been drained out of you, you looked effortlessly stunning.

“satoru, if you ever watched this tape, i’m already dead.”

megumi slowly blinked at your blunt words. oh.

you let out a humorless laugh. “i’m sorry for my… vulgar words, satoru. i…” you looked down as you played with your fingers on your lap.

“y’know how i have this weird, but strong sense of intuition that always happened when i predict? i have that feeling—the exception is, i can feel it in my soul that i would already die. in this mission. that the higher ups assigned to me.”

the spiky-haired boy observed how you took a deep breath as if you were resisting the urge to burst out.

“i’m sad because i won’t be there to witness you slaughtering them.” you gave the camera a sweet smile.

your smile dropped and you looked away from the camcorder. the grainy effect made you look more… vintage. just a memory from the past. you were once someone’s person and now you were just someone’s memory…

“i’m sorry if i wouldn’t be able to fulfill my promise to you—to never leave you behind. i’m sorry if i wouldn’t be there to wipe your tears when you cry. i’m sorry if i wouldn’t be able to lend my shoulders for you to cry on. i…” your voice cracked and tears started to fall like crystals on your cheeks.

megumi could feel the pain she’s feeling and his lips turned into frown.

“i’m sorry if i was giving up, not bothering to fight for my life because to be honest, satoru, i ask myself at night with the question: who am i doing this for?”

when the teenage boy looked at you, he felt like you were seeing him. like you were sitting in front of him, asking a simple question.

“is it for the civilians so they won’t have to endure anymore? is it for the children so they won’t have to go to war anymore? is it for the future so they would be able to live a peaceful life? or…”

“is it for the selfish elders who send children to fight for the sins they have committed?”

oh.

“why do the children have to pay for their forefathers’ sins?”

a sob broke you out and megumi could only watch in pain as you went hysterical.

it was saddening to see you—a person who clearly the world doesn’t deserve—need to sacrifice your life for the betterment of the world.

that’s how a jujutsu sorcerer works, unfortunately. you clearly don’t belong in this world. in this cruel, awful world.

“whoever manages to find this tape, i hope you will take care of my friends—satoru, suguru, and shoko. i hope you will give them the patience to grieve and to mourn. i hope you will be able to give them the care and support they deserved. i hope you will be able to see them for who they are, and not for what they are. i hope you will be able to see hope during the darkest times. and i hope you will be able to feel grateful even if your life is just a borrowed time.” you tilted your head and delicately smiled.

you let out a last giggle. “this is [last name][name], signing off. goodbye.” you pulled the camera closer to your face and gave a smooch.

the laptop went black and megumi could only blankly stare at the wall.

what a world they live in.

such a life doomed from the start and they could only wait as death came for their friend.

what a… life.

you didn’t know then, your death is the beginning of all tragedies.

#🫧 — riri’s love letters!#i love ‘toru #REWIND: by satoru #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk angst #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #gojo x reader

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trashogram · 15 days

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He Chose You (Pt. 11)

Lucifer/Reader: Lucifer chooses you to be the mother of his child. Rated E for Explicit.

“Adam, for your transgression, you will be dealt with accordingly. For now, you are dismissed.”

Adam’s voice and demeanor had become so grating to you that you actively blocked out the bitching that followed. You weren’t sure if, when he’d finally stopped having a foul-mouthed tantrum, a lot of time had passed or not.

It didn’t matter when you were blessed with near silence at last. A slip of harsh gold out of the corner of your eye led you to believe that Adam’s lackey had followed him out.

“Emily, please follow.”

“But Sera…”

“No harm will come to her here. She just needs time.”

There was no need to look up, as the fluttering of Emily’s wings were now telltale in spite of how little you’d known her.

“Go on.”

You hadn’t seen her go, but it was like all the energy in the air had been sucked out as she left you behind. In her stead was a still, oppressive atmosphere where anxiety lingered to crawl up your spine the longer you sat in it.

Sera was staring down at you.

“Why…” Your voice was hoarse, even if you hadn’t been screaming or sobbing as you wanted to.

Swallowing back the thickness that had built in your throat physically hurt. An errant thought that it shouldn’t (nothing should hurt anymore) passed you by.

“Why am I here?” You looked up, staring back at Sera.

The Angel considered you for a long moment.

“Your place here has been ordained by the Father, a privilege bestowed upon you for your act of service.”

The words from her lovely mouth didn’t make sense for so long that you almost asked the Seraphim to repeat herself. Your eyes narrowed as your gaze turned roundabout, as if whatever could make sense of this was somewhere in your surroundings.

“I… Wait, I’d have thought that…” Head shaking, you implored Sera again with your eyes. “What service?”

“You delivered upon the world Christ’s opposing force through your union with —” Here, you saw Sera’s long throat flex with the effort of swallowing.

“Lucifer.” You finished, watching and confirming as Sera’s frame twitched that just the mention of the Devil made this powerful force uncomfortable.

It was odd, but didn’t take away the pain that just mentioning his name brought. You felt as if a great gaping hole had been punched through your chest, taking with it all your vital organs and the power of your lungs.

Impressions of his anguished face and the sound of Charlotte crying were permanently etched in your mind. You bit down on your tongue, lest you scream your grief.

It felt like they had died and not you.

“I’ll never see them again.” Your head fell into your hands as you were overcome. “I barely got to hold my own baby.”

Sera sighed deeply, inching toward the War Table adjacent to you both.

“I understand that leaving people behind can be painful.” Her great arms reached over the table, motioning until light rose from the board and took on fantastical shapes. “But time heals all.”

Instead of comfort, her wisdom made you sniffle. You rubbed your eyes like a child to prevent the steady rise of tears threatening to escape.

Through the blur, you saw Sera smile wanly. “You may feel grateful with time. Staying any longer could have led you further astray.”

That made you pause between shuddering sobs.

Fuck, you’d been sobbing on the floor of heaven.

Fucking Heaven.

“W-what?” You asked finally.

Sera’s idle hands continued to create new sources of light and shape. You rose from the floor of cumulus and nimbus on jelly legs and walked toward her, for lack of anything else to do.

A perfect sphere rose above the table, with little pinpricks of light surrounding it. It could’ve been anything but you had the sense to imagine it was a depiction of Earth.

“Had you stayed mortal and lived another 10, 20, perhaps 30 years, you could have become susceptible to the enemy’s mindset.” Sera said. “It’s not unthinkable when human beings are often led by their hearts, even if it goes against their best interest.”

Your heart was jabbed with indignation at that.

“Acts of Service can become Acts of Sacrifice if one veers off the path.” She gently swirled around the Earth with one hand, and it fell into a tilt naturally before rotating among the stars.

Sera eyed you from her peripheral as you stood beside her to watch. “You might’ve grown attached and… denied yourself.”

“Hold on, please — just…” You closed your eyes after several moments. “I’m here, in Heaven, because Lucifer asked that I be let up here when I died?”

“That is correct.” Sera guided the stars in a variety of paths.

“And you agreed because having his baby was actually a good thing?” You asked. “But how? Why would God want that to happen if the Devil is his enemy?”

“Life is all about balance.” The celestial took on the role of teacher naturally. “Light needs darkness to exist. This is how it has been and will always be, since He created the Heavens and the Earth.”

“Lucifer has gone on too long without an heir - Hell cannot be unmanned should anything happen to its King. To ensure that this would never come to pass, He agreed to certain terms, which have been abided by — despite Lucifer’s constant revisions.”

At that, the Seraphim looked borderline petulant. Her disapproval was clear in the way the many eyes that decorated her wingspan, hair and crown-like halo shrunk into slivered crescents.

“It’s been centuries since he was ordered to conceive a child. Out of Love, the Father bestowed an exorbitant amount of time on him to make it happen. Once you were found and the contract was signed, your place in Heaven was guaranteed as stipulated.” She halted her recital to spare a glance your way.

“His ways can be opaque, but they are always meant to take us in the right direction.” Sera offered after a lull, to dispel the dumbfounded look on your face. You could see the way her lips pursed, as if daring to question that explanation was an affront to her existence. As if what she’d just told you didn’t change your perception so thoroughly that your head was spinning.

Self-preservation no longer being a factor, you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, ‘God works in mysterious ways’.” You mocked. “People say that when they don’t know what to say. But you actually work under God, don’t you??”

“That is a crude way to describe my role here.” Sera responded with reproach.

“But essentially correct.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “You take orders from Him, clearly.”

The Seraphim’s manicured nails pierced through the infinitely shifting stars, fingers curling into a claw as the line of her mouth grew severe. Her brow downturned as she faced you, irritated.

“Just like Lucifer took orders from Him, I bet.” The pieces were slotting into place. “Until he… until he… did exactly what he was supposed to.”

You laughed with disbelief at the revelation, hands coming up to grab at your thankfully unchanged hair. The starlight before you began to dim, falling back into the passive marble of the war table. Sera pivoted rather abruptly, a touch of disquiet in her fractured facade as she took in your dysfunction.

Her gaze became shifty, and you caught it, but it was the least of your concerns. You were in the middle of a manic breakdown for the second time in less than an hour.

Lucifer didn’t like to talk about Heaven — that was evident from his stuttering when he first revealed himself to you. So, whether it was out of the goodness of your heart or built-in doormat passivity, you hadn’t discussed the place. Truthfully, you’d thought very little of it as a place and more as a concept, even when the Devil came knocking on your door in flesh and blood.

It was an uphill battle to calm yourself. You closed your mouth to stop the laughing and coughed at the tickle to your throat. You’d never been good at breathing through your nose. Arms slid down to clutch at your stomach and center yourself, frame slowly easing out of the hyperventilation.

“So… God damned his own son to Hell and made him into Heaven’s Big Bad for the sake of balance… And he wanted that Big Bad to have a child like He Himself did, also for the sake of balance…”

‘And Lucifer agreed as long as you got to go to eternal paradise…’

Your summation was stated lifelessly, a knife’s edge away from sarcastic. The big secret to Life was out: it was all a fun little show that God put on for himself to stave off boredom. Even those he held closest weren’t safe from it.

“An-nd you’ve never ever questioned this?” You asked faintly, a crooked smile of disbelief on your face. “Ever?”

A breeze blew back the hair that had fallen into your face.

Sera was suddenly so much closer in proximity, and you flinched back at the power exuding from her like an aura.

“We do not question the Father.” The Seraphim’s glower betrayed her true feelings toward you. Yet, instead of continuing to back away from the hostility, you forced yourself to stand in place as best you could.

It gave you whiplash when Sera’s pinched face relaxed. She straightened up with another deep, deep sigh. The danger that felt like static electricity dissipated from your skin, but you held onto the edge of the war table regardless.

The light show had gone off as quickly as it was turned on. You felt its loss of warmth as sharply as you’d felt Emily’s.

“Lucifer was unable to fully grasp the Great Purpose.” Sera was imposing as she straightened to her fully height and towered above you once again. “He questioned everything, and for it he Fell.”

“And I would suggest,” The Seraphim glared at you as if you were an insect she wanted to crush. “that you do not emulate his sin. For the sake of your immortal soul.”

***

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#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar x you #hazbin hotel x reader #Thank y’all for being patient #good news is there will be more chapters bc I cut this one in half #bad news is Lucifer’s whereabouts are put on pause a chapter longer than anticipated

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nellyrosesdenial · 3 months

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One Hundred Days Denied

Today is 100 days since my last orgasm. I am so proud that I made it this far seeing as my longest denial previously was two weeks and I thought it was impossible.

I have been thinking about the differences between now and 100 days ago, the reasons I am glad to be denied.

The first is obvious, the overwhelming fucking ache. I have always been insatiable but this is next level. My mind is always at least half focused on the throbbing between my thighs. The mind melting need to tend to it. If I’m not edging I am thinking about edging and working out how long it will be before I can edge again.

I am constantly wet, just running my finger down my pussy coats it, between my inner thighs are always slick with my need. I never used to be this wet around the clock, I wake up and have dripped all through the night, I’m wet at work, wet while I’m cooking dinner. It’s 24/7 and I love it.

My whole body feel like it’s on fire, I feel like there’s an electric storm inside me raging through my body. I get random shivers all down my body, shooting fire all down my legs, whole body tingles from just a warm breeze.

I feel constantly in touch with my submission and my masochistic needs. I used to crave pain if it had been too long since I played. I haven’t had those cravings since I have been denied. I still absolutely love to let my masochist out to play but she’s filled and contented. It’s a constant sacrifice and sometimes the ache is so bad it’s physically painful. I love to give up my pleasure for the enjoyment of another.

I have found new kinks, explored new paths of filth that previously I hadn’t looked down. I love them, it’s a whole new dirty world out there for me and I am excited to take my little denied self out and play.

I don’t worry anymore about selfishly wanting to cum, don’t have to feel the guilt over being a bad submissive for constantly begging to cum. I’m not allowed to, and I accept it. If I was told to cum I would be begging the other way, to please be allowed to stay denied for him. Please don’t make me cum. Denial has been an absolute hell of a ride, I went from hating it and it feeling like a punishment to needing my denial, and the sheer gratefulness that I’m allowed to stay denied for him. I am very thankful to the man that helped me get to this point, and for putting up with a lot of me whining while giving me patience and encouragement. You know who you are.

Good girls don’t cum xoxo

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formulapai · 5 months

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DIDN’T DESERVE IT

a Daniel Ricciardo angst

WORDS COUNT: 2000 ish

scenario: he’s treating his new girlfriend in ways he never treated you: with respect.

warning: major angst, daniel being an asshole in the past but owning up to his mistakes

pai’s words: heartbroken rn so bear with me

It’s not jealousy.

She’s ethereal, breathtakingly perfect, she has the brightest smile you’ve ever seen and eyes as clear as a summer day. Her voice is like angles sighing, a terribly sweet melody rings when she laughs. Her tears are as sublime as an enraged sea, violent in its beauty.

It’s not jealousy, no.

He holds her with a new confidence but still treats her as delicate porcelain, his whole being overflowing with gentleness. He’s her confident and her therapist, he’s battling her demons with a disarming smile and he’s wiping her eyes with fingers as dainty as possible.

It’s not jealousy, it’s never been.

It’s longing, it’s the inability to understand, it’s mourning.

He came to talk to you, after years of waiting, years of wishing. He knocked on your door, heart in his hand, a whole new person you haven’t met yet. He’s not your Daniel, not the Daniel you used to know. He’ll never be again.

It’s painful to let him in, it’s angering to notice the way he doesn’t treat your apartment like home anymore (but why would he?), it’s disconcerting to sit on the couch next to him, it’s relieving to finally talk.

“- You’re a different man, a different lover now. It’s what she deserves, it’s what you deserve too.

- It’s what you deserved and what I couldn’t give you. I’m sorry, Y/N, I truly am.”

You wouldn’t cry, you wouldn’t allow it. He doesn’t deserve any more of your tears, you’ve cried an ocean already.

“- Why didn’t you give it to me, then ? Why did you treat me like this ?

- I didn’t know how to love, you’ve taught me, years after years. I’m sorry that I’ve taught you how to hurt in the process, I’m sorry that I took so much and gave you so little.”

You can see a new tattoo, an intricate drawing on his forearm, next to the one he did when you were still together. It’s almost glowing, so different from the others with how obviously full of love it is. Did she draw that ?

“ - You gave me nothing except pain and regrets, Daniel. Wasn’t I worthy ? Am I not worthy ?

- You’re worthy of so, so much. You were worthy at the time, too, you were worthy as I was blind. You’re the best thing that happened to me, even now. You’ve made who I am today and I can’t be more grateful.

- You’ve made me who I am too, and I can’t be more deceived. It’s not fair, I never deserved it. I don’t deserve to be this full of fear and scars, I’m always so scared I’ll give my heart again, and get it back in pieces, again. It’s all scarred now that I’ve finally put it back together, I don’t think it can stomach another love.

- It’s healing, you’re healing. You’ve picked yourself up and you did amazing at stitching yourself up, all alone. I wasn’t there but I saw it all, how you grew despite the pain, how your smile never left. In the one that caused it, I know what I’m talking about, trust me. Your heart will love again and so will you, and it’ll be worthy again, and it’ll be easy, this time.”

You grew, yes. Maybe you grew too much, feeling alien in your body, in your home, in everyone’s life. You’re not who you were and you’ll never be again, you grew out of your happiness.

“- What if I can��t love anymore ? I always think about you, whenever someone approaches me, it’s your face I see. How can I love again when my heart is shaped for you, when my whole body grew around you ? How can I love anyone else when you’re the one who created my love in the first place. I didn’t even know what love was before you, I learned with you, too. I learned how to love because of you, not thanks to you, yet I never treated you like you treated me. You’re not the only one who didn’t know better.

- I know. You’re made for love, you’ve always been. It’s so natural for you, no one could ever tell it was your first time too, even I doubted it sometimes. Your whole being is made of love, full of it, spilling on everyone and everything. You love fully and with no mercy, you love discreetly, you love quietly sometimes but most of the time you love proudly. One thing’s sure, you always love. You love the people you should hate, you love the pain, you love the anger, you love the bee that stung you during our last summer together. You love your family and you love your friends, you love your customers. Y/N, you’ve surrounded yourself with so much love that you don’t even notice it anymore. You’ll be fine, you’ll love again and again.”

You do love that bee. You loved the sting, loved the trip to the ER when your swollen finger got stuck in your promise ring, loved how Daniel told you he’d wait for you at the house instead of coming with you, loved how he didn’t send any messages the whole time.

“- I can’t, not this kind of love. It’s only you, Daniel, I can only see you, imagine you. I don’t understand how you moved on and I’m still stuck there, I feel like I’m going crazy. I desperately wish that I could find someone new and change, the same way you did, but it’s always you. You’re haunting me, you’re haunting my heart and my mind, even after all this time. I tried so hard to forget you and meet new lovers, you don’t know how much I’ve tried to get over you and everything you’ve put me through. But when he tells me I’m beautiful, I wait for the part where he says I should change how I look. When he tells me he’s interested in my stories, I wait for the part where he tells me he’d rather be drunk than to listen to me. When he tells me he wants me, I wait for the part where he tells me I can’t even make him hard. When he tells me he wants me to meet his parents, I wait for the part where he tells me they’ll hate me anyway. When he wants to watch a movie with me, I wait for the part where he turns the TV off and tells me my movie choices are as dumb as me. It’s always because of you, I don’t know how to shut your voice up or how to ignore it. He’s the kindest soul I’ve ever met, he deserves so much more than what I’m able to give him right now, I won’t be able to give him what I gave you, not ever.

- You don’t have to give him what you gave me, Y/N. Each and every love is different, you know, you don’t love the same way ever again. I don’t love you how I love my girlfriend. I don’t love you how I’ve loved my first ex, or the second one. And you don’t love me like you’ve loved the boy you fell for in middle school. You won’t love him the same way you love me, and that’s the beauty in it, isn’t it ? You think you know love, you think you’ve seen love, but you discover love again and again, days after days, persons after persons. You won’t love him like you love me, you will love him better, because he’s treating you better, you’ll find a new love just for him, made for him, created mostly by him. He’ll teach you like you’ve taught me, like she’s teaching me right now. You were amazing at showing me love, but what she’s showing me is totally different, and that’s amazing. You take tiny things from each of your loves and create a new one with them, that’s how you grow, that’s how you learn. I’m sure he knows it, I’m sure he understands you.

- He’s your friend, he’s going to see how I love you. I’ll never not love you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.

- And it’s fine, I love you too. It’s just different now, I’ve found a love that fitted me better. You’ve found it too, I know it. I see it. It’s platonic now, you’re just scared to admit it to yourself because it comforts you to think you’re in love with me still.

- I know, you’re right. Is it ok if I want to keep you in my life ? As a friend or as a stranger, I think I just need you in my life.

- As long as I can keep you in mine, it’s alright. She loves you, you know. She’s never met you but she’s heard so much from you, by me. She wants to meet you if you’re alright with it, you’ll love her too.”

It’s strange, isn’t it ? They should part ways and hate each other, that’s what exes do, no ? She should hate you and your whole existence just for the sake of being his ex, and you should hate her and their new relationship. It should have smashed his friendship with Max to pieces, it seems to strengthen it.

It’s a beautiful thing, really. How one bad person can grow into a good one, with efforts and trials. How one person can love, and love again, and never tire. How forgiveness can be as simple as hate, as despair.

“- Thank you Daniel, I mean it. Thank you for your apology, thank you for being there, thank you for what we’ve went through.

- Thank you for listening, thank you for forgiving me. You’re a beautiful person, you deserve a beautiful love story.”

He went like he came, confidently. When you door is closed, you fish out your phone out of the pocket of your pants, shakily pressing a finger on his call ID. You need to tell him.

“- Hey, darling, what’s up ?

- I love you.”

There’s a pause, a silence, almost insurmountable.

“- I know, don’t worry. I love you too, I promise.

- I’ll never love you like him, I’m sorry. But I love you like.. well, like you. I don’t know if it’s better, but it’s different, and it’s great. It’s going to work.

- I know it will.”

It’s not jealousy, it’s a love you thought you’ve lost.

It’s never been jealousy.

#f1 x reader #f1 fluff #f1 imagine #daniel ricciardo angst #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo imagine #f1 angst

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heaven4lostgirls · 7 months

Text

hope (S.R)

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warning: angst, a little bit of comfort.

summary: the aftermath of reader leaving steve gives him clarity and has them both realizing that he needs to work harder to gain his girl back.

word count: 1.6k

a/n: I am so sorry this took so long to come out, I’ve been swamped with uni work but I’m so happy you guys liked part 1, I will probably post a part 3 to this, which other characters do you ship reader with??? Steve is looking at some competition soon!

part 1 , part 2, part 3

tags: @nouk1998, @spngingerbread21, @blackhawkfanatic, @immyowndefender (if I wasn't able to tag you that means your tags don't work!)

Steve,

If you’re reading this, then you have realised I’m not staying in the tower anymore. Tony helped set me up in safe house for the next few weeks, I can’t stay here. You chose Sharon over me Steve and you must know that I can’t stay with someone who would choose another woman over me.

I need you to know that although it’s been hard for me to accept it, I understand. It’s not okay that you chose to leave without talking to me, but I understand if she is who you want okay? I am so grateful to have spent the last 3 years by your side, but I can no longer watch on from the sidelines as you look at her like how you used to look at me.

When I come back, hopefully I’ll be ready to talk, but I am asking you that if you ever held any form of love and respect for me, to give me this time to heal.

Thank you, Steve, for everything,

y/n.

Steve crumples your handwritten letter in his hand, the paper squashed in the palm of his hands as he throws back the bourbon in his glass. His eyes are red rimmed and his face unshaven. He has been a mess since you left a week ago, unable to move from his room, and spending his time rereading your letter hoping that he could find some small sign that you still loved him, still wanted him.

He was unaccustomed to this feeling of pain, when he got out of the ice, he assumed the pain of knowing that he had missed his time with Peggy was truly the worst form of torture but the agony of once having your love and affection and having it so brutally stripped from him, may just be at the top of his list.

He sighs as he uncrumples the paper to place it on his desk as he moves to lay back in his bed, he had been part of a repetitive cycle for the last week, working purely on survival mode before he’s interrupted by a soft knock on his door.

He knows better than to feel excited at the small hope of it being you however he knows that it’s Bucky and Sam checking up on him and bringing him food before they annoy him into getting into the shower. He can’t stand the look of pity in their eyes as they hand him his food, so he slams the door shut as soon as he gets it, placing it on his desk, he moves to the bathroom.

He turns the shower head all the way to cold, hoping it will bring some shock into his system, however because of his super soldier abilities, his immune system is fried and numb to the coldness of the water.

His eyes burn as tears roll down his face, sobs wrack his body as he pounds his fist into the wall in front of me which breaks at the force of his strength. He hears the door quietly open before he feels Bucky’s metal arm tugging him from under the water into a towel.

This has happened nearly everyday for the last 3 days, sometime on the first day, Steve had stopped acting like you abrupt leaving hadn’t affected him and broke down during his training session, to which Bucky had been helping him through his depressed state however all he ever really wanted was you.

“I want her back” Steve sobs into Bucky’s clothed shoulder as he feels his friend cooing and soothing him like a baby before he is gently placed on his bed. His body shakes with his painful sobbing as he feels Bucky rubbing his back. “I know Stevie, I know” Bucky sighs as he tucks Steve in after he exhausts himself from crying.

Meanwhile you haven’t been doing any better, your mental health slowly deteriorating at the acceptance of the end of your relationship with Steve. You had known somewhere deep down that throughout the past month whenever you had caught Steve looking at Sharon that this was the beginning of the end.

However now it was time for you to face the reality of the situation, you may have spent the last week crying your eyes out at sad romance films with ice-cream and chocolate but you knew that enough was enough, you needed to talk with Steve and hear what he had wanted to say the day you left.

Running from your problems was not the best solution however you knew realistically you did not have the mental capacity to hear whatever Steve had to say and that it would only end up doing more harm than good considering how high strung you both were about the whole situation.

Now, as you step off the quinjet, you are greeted with Bucky’s genuine yet sorrowful smile. “Hi Buck” you greeted softly as you stood awkwardly, worrying if you could still hug him even though you knew he probably spent the last week comforting your ex-boyfriend. Not than you could blame him, they had been friends for far longer than the both of you.

Bucky just rolled his eyes before his smile widened as he pulled you into a tight hug, you breathed a sigh of relief and slumped into your friend. Your moment was interrupted by a loud voice chiming in from behind the both of you.

“Y/N!!!!” you and Bucky both separate, you with a look of amusement and Bucky with a look of annoyance. Peter’s joyful gaze found yours as he sprinted towards you. “I knew when you didn’t respond to the meme I sent you this morning, something was up!” he said excitedly as he spins you in a hug as a laugh bubbles out of you.

“Hey kid, yeah I was on a flight back from South Africa” you smile and separate from him before you see his joyful gaze darken at something behind you.

“Y/N.” you hear softly from behind you, and you freeze.

You turn around and place a polite smile on your face, not quite ready for the conversation ahead.

“Steve” you say and nod at him, he moves as though he’s going to hug you but thinks again and moves back and you’re somewhat grateful, you don’t think you’d be able to compose yourself.

You all stand in awkward silence for a bit before you break it, “I should uh” you gesture inside and he nods before he opens his mouth, “Can I help with your bags?” he asks nervously.

You were hoping to have a few minutes to compose yourself, but Steve is probably right to get the conversation out of the way.

As you both walk through the tower, you realise how quiet it is and make note to thank everyone for steering clear of the both of you.

As you both reached your old room since you had been sharing with Steve, you place you bag down before you turn to Steve who is standing sadly outside your room. “You can come in” you tease him and that snaps him out of his mood as he moves to sit at the desk in front of your bed and you sit on your bed.

“So” you both start before you motion to Steve to carry on.

“I love you y/n, I don’t want this to be the end, can we please work on this? I promise I’ll do better, and I won’t choose Sharon over you ever again.” He rushes out in what you assume is an attempt to stop the inevitable.

You smile at him in pity and before you can start talking you see him shaking his head as tears fill his eyes. “Steve, if you really wanted me as bad as you say you do, where was all this attention and affection this last month? Why did it take me leaving for you to realise how badly you fucked up?” you question and watch as he breaks in front of you.

The last week must have been hell for him, the same way the last month was for you.

“Please just let me try y/n, let me try please” he pleads as he moves from sitting in the small chair to kneeling before you as he grasps your hands.

You move your hands to grasp his face as you wipe his tears.

“Love, I will always love you but you need to realise how hard it was for me to sit here on standby every time you left me for Sharon, I need to choose myself for once” you confess and Steve sobs into your legs as you thread your hands through his hair as you try and calm him down.

You watch as Steve tries to compose himself in front of you before he looks into your eyes in determination. “I’m going to prove it to you” he says seriously, and you nod to placate him before he shakes his head in protest. “No, you don’t understand, I am going to prove to you how much you mean to me y/n” he says and some part of you is hopeful he tries as hard as he says he’s going to be this time.

“I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to make it up to me Steve, you’re going to have to work for it” you say, and he deflates but nonetheless nods in understanding, realistically he acknowledges that he deserved worse treatment. He just can’t stand the idea of you finding love and connection with someone that isn’t him.

#juliwrites #steve rogers angst #steve rogers imagine #steve rodgers x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #captain america #steve rogers x reader angst #steve rogers hurt #steve rogers hurt/comfort #steve rodgers imagine #mcu #marvel #marvel movies #bucky barnes #peter parker

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meowzahzzz · 2 years

Text

bowser headcanons ft. gn reader ( ♡ )

bowser fans. monster fuckers. how are we feeling are we feeling fed. i am

to say bowser doesn’t quite understand healthy ways of expressing his feelings... is an extreme understatement.

bowser has this romanticized yet very callous conception of love. you do anything for love and it’s justified, so on and so forth.

this is why his kidnapping peach thing persists.

i want to say his “love” for peach isn’t... really love. he believes it to be love, but his feelings towards her aren’t the sort. this isn’t to say he’s abusive to her (the most he’s done is kidnap her and the whole situation lost it’s “distressing” impact Long ago). rather that bowser confuses his emotions a lot, and rather than think about it too hard, he just goes with whatever’s easiest.

~ pre-relationship

when you come in, bowser’s infatuation with peach is thrown out the window.

peach is grateful she’s not the apple of bowser’s eye anymore, but she does worry about you being his now.

i don’t imagine his attempts at “kidnapping” end well. either you kick his ass and tell him to go to therapy or peach comes to the rescue with mario (and they also tell him to go to therapy).

bowser, surprisingly (or maybe not-so surprisingly), takes it to heart. and he starts to realize his thing for peach wasn’t... what he thought it was.

he used to just kidnap her over and over again, try to win her over and over again; her rejection didn’t faze him, but he was almost expecting the triumphant feeling of Love (whatever that could possibly be) to just... show up during these attempts.

of course he’s a rough and crude turtle kaiju king, but there is a softness under that shell.

bowser, at first, tries not to think too hard about it. rejection didn’t really sting the way this did before.

he’s embarrassed to hell and back, refusing to speak on it and when it’s brought up by kamek (”quit moping about the rejection, your highness”) he gets red in the face and his body stiffens like he’s turned to a statue, his voice loud and cracked (”I’M NOT MOPING, SHUT UP *tearing up*”)

when he is eventually forced to face his embarrassment and the stinging pain of rejection, he tries to think of ways to legitimately apologize. and if that works out, he definitely plans on winning you over.

and speaking of that apology, he definitely tries to chicken out at first. he’s so embarrassed. he’s the koopa king, for pete’s sake! he’s the leader of his army, he’s a ruler to be feared! yet he cowers at the thought that you’ll send him back with his tail between his legs.

he apologizes in person, despite how many times he begged to just send a note or something and kamek would have to hit him on the head with his staff (”i didn’t raise you to apologize over a note, your highness.”).

you can tell he’s genuinely sorry. there’s shame in his expression; he can’t quite look you in the hand, he fiddles with his hands, and he coughs when the words don’t quite want to come out. but when he apologizes, he does mean it.

it probably takes a bit for you to forgive him because he did come on rather strong. but he’s overjoyed when you do forgive him (he’ll probably jump in the air with excitement before going back to his “tough cool guy” act where he’s like ‘yeah i knew you’d forgive me’ *goes back home to cry tears of joy*)

you two start off as friends. and something bowser finds odd is that, despite his own feelings (as strong as they’ve started to grow), he’s... okay with that. just that.

there’s no urgency. he can just enjoy your company, flustered as it may make him.

there’s a side to bowser you, nor have the others (peach, mario, etc.), have seen before. nobody ever quite believed he was as one-dimensionally villainous as he tried to come off as, but bowser would’ve been damned to have exposed it.

he still wears his spiked shell, but it’s as though he’s coming out of hiding around you.

his voice, while still gruff, isn’t so performative; there’s no outrageous evil plans or self-conceptions of grandeur, just mundane (maybe even domestic) conversation.

of course he still wants to look cool in front of you, but he doesn’t have to cover up who he is inside either.

he doesn’t care what you want to do or what you talk about, you have this attention either way. and you can’t help but feel that... you like his attention.

there’s a gentleness he shows you that nobody else gets to see, and it’s so evident in the reactions you get from the others just by talking about your... “hang-outs” together.

he’s an absolute gentleman, of course. kamek can excuse kidnapping, but he draws the line at being ungentlemanly.

opening doors for you, holding out a chair for you, being a subtle protector when he thinks things are gonna go south, etc.

you’re a person bowser values and he’s so new to these feelings he has, and he wants to protect them as much as he wants to protect you.

to say you have certain feelings about him as well is very much an understatement.

even when you can’t specifically name it, you feel that he sees you like you hang all the stars in the sky. you’re one of the only people who have gotten a genuine laugh out of him, let alone a smile. and it’s his gentle nature specifically towards you that just makes you melt.

at first, the thought seems ridiculous, liking bowser, the koopa king of all evil, like... like that! but you think of it again, of how you’ve been friends and all the times you’ve spent together, and you feel as though you’ve been wrapped with warm ribbons, heat rising to your cheeks. it’s undeniable.

he definitely confesses to you first. a hopeless romantic at heart, he shows up at your doorstep, all fancily dressed with a mushroom and flower bouquet in hand, asking if you’d want to go on a date---with him.

his cheeks are flushed, and he stares at the floor, unable to look at you in fear he’ll find disgust on your face.

but wide-eyed and flustered yourself, you accept.

and when he looks up, there’s this... almost this shock on his face at first, mouth slightly agape, like something he never, ever could’ve expected to happen---just happened.

it doesn’t take long for him to widely grin and laugh as he picks you up into the air and holds you close to him, the bouquet sadly getting a bit crushed while he holds you in this embrace.

~ relationship

bowser is the happiest and luckiest koopa in the land. undoubtedly.

even with your relationship’s ups and downs, it’s like he’s always in the honeymoon phase.

most of his “evil schemes” are reduced to mischivieous pranks which you, and his koopalings, often participate in.

speaking of the koopalings, you have to get along with them. bowser jr, wendy, roy---all of them.

those children are his heart, and to see you not only get along with them, but be nurturing to them... his heart grows twice its size.

part of why he was so obsessed with peach was because he felt as though they needed a “mother” in their lives. he may be the king of evil and all, but he never wanted to be a failure of a father to his kids.

whether you’re aware of it or not, you helped him realize that... he wasn’t failing his kids, they didn’t “need” someone else to fix his mess. he was a good enough father on his own. and it’s only a plus to have you around, too.

bowser loves domestic stuff, he craves it. baking pies, hanging around with the koopalings---any of the most normal, mundane activities become a dream when he’s doing them with you.

he would also really like for you to join him when he and the others go kart racing, golfing, etc. if you aren’t already.

he loves the competition, loves rallying up his new family together (you included) so they can go kick that red hat wearing plumber’s ass! ...and his green brother too, i guess.

he’s just become a happier guy in general.

mario certainly appreciates it, actually being able to befriend the king koopa.

and peach likes being able to not be someone’s strange obsession, and she also considers you to be a good friend.

daisy LOVES it at first because she thinks there’s drama, but then you reveal everyone’s happy and there’s no conflict, she’s like oh... okay i guess. 😐

luigi is frightened by bowser, no surprise there, but he’s happy for you! luigi’s a bit of a hopeless romantic himself so he finds the things you and bowser do endearing, even if it is hard thinking of bowser being sweet.

you two are the cutest motherfuckers ever. in the mushroom kingdom. in the galaxy. im so jealous

#LETS GOOOOOOOO I LOVE THIS #im also doing luigi next <3 #bowser x reader #nintendo x reader #monster x reader #nintendo #bowser #super mario #self-insert #f/o

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sumaneun-stars · 5 months

Text

'Save It - 05'

(smut)

previous | masterlist

Pairing. boss!Jay x Fem!secretary!reader

Genre. Co-workers to lovers, smut, angst

Warnings. Mentions of abuse, making out, unprotected sex, nipple play, handjobs, swearing etc!

Sypnosis. Jay was the fuckboy in college, such a playboy that he almost ran out of girls to hook up with. But once he inherited his father’s company, he’d changed. 3 years into being a professional CEO and then you walked through those doors, making him fall at first sight. All his plans collapsed once he found out that his rival, Lee Heeseung, was best friends with you ever since. There were many reasons for him to let go of you, including his parents- but his endless love for you said otherwise.

“How did you and Heeseung… become friends?” Jay didn’t want to invade your privacy, but he wanted to know what Heeseung meant to you.

“Hmm..” you tried to remember.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it”

“No- no i was just trying to recall the memory that’s all” you smiled and kissed his hand. Jay was grateful that you were comfortable with him. He kept himself occupied with caressing your hair while he waited for you to answer.

“Back in college when the basketball games were on, I would always stay back and spend my time on the rooftop. I was never really into cheering the guys on like the others did” you said as you played with Jay’s fingers.

Jay hummed in response as he nuzzled his nose in your hair, causing butterflies in your stomach.

“So Heeseung was one of the major players- and one day he got into an accident and couldn’t play anymore”

“Oh my god- that’s horrible” Jay weirdly felt bad for Heeseung, he never knew this side of him.

“He didn’t attend any of the games after that. So on the day of the finals I was at my usual spot on the rooftop and I suddenly heard crying”

“Oh… it was Heeseung” Jay sympathized.

“Yeah… and out of instinct I comforted him”

The memory played in your head, it was so clear like it happened only yesterday. He was your first, but he never reflected the love you had for him.

Jay knew you had a crush on Heeseung back then and he hated it, but looking at your expression now- he wondered how much of hurt it would have caused you. It pained him so much to have a crush on you for a few months, but for you to carry it for years. He wouldn’t have survived.

“So you have a lot of memories on the rooftop, huh?” Jay said as he tickled you. You laughed thinking about what happened tonight- you had completely forgotten about it.

“Thank you for telling me, love. Get some sleep, the flight is at 10 am tomorrow” he pecked your forehead and caressed your cheek. You mumbled a soft ‘okay’ and snuggled into his chest. Jay grabbed your thigh and lifted it up to his waist, making it dangle from the other side. He wrapped his arm around you and gently ran his thumb over your earlobe. The action somehow made you comfortable, and soon you fell asleep in his arms.

When Jay heard your soft snoring, he pulled back to take a look at your face. He chuckled at your sleeping figure, the way your mouth parted and eyebrows relaxed made his heart flutter. How were you so perfect? And how did he get so lucky?

The next day the both of you returned back. Jay’s mother wanted to meet him, and so the opportunity for you to meet her and clear the air about you rose. He wanted you to meet them- and most importantly, convince them about dating you, and hopefully… marry you.

On the way to his parents house, your mind raced to all the possibilities for things to go wrong. You remembered Jay’s mothers expression when she first saw you. You bet she would get a heart attack when Jay tells her about you being his girlfriend. You loved Jay, but you didn’t want relationship with his parents to be ruined.

“Hey… everything will be fine, don’t worry” Jay reassured you as he laced his fingers with yours.

“I’m okay” You lied through your teeth. Jay gave you a stupid look that said, ‘please, I know you’. You chuckled at him and slapped his shoulder in a playful manner.

“It’s just that everything is moving so fast… I never expected to lose my virginity- especially with you. But I don't regret it obviously. And now we are on our way to reveal our relationship, but you’re my boss- and i’m your secre- hmph”

“Girlfriend” Jay kissed your lips to shut your rambling.

“I understand love… and to be honest I didn’t expect it either. But deep down, don't you think telling my parents is better than them finding out before?” Jay read you like a book. And when you mumbled a tiny ‘yes’, he chuckled and ruffled your hair.

“I’m sure they’ll love you, baby” Jay leaned in and kissed your cheek. He knew you were scared, you always had a habit of biting your inner cheek when you were nervous. He found it cute. It overwhelmed him how much he loved every little detail of yours. And at that moment, he made a pledge to himself to always protect you.

You got startled when the doors to the huge mansion opened. Jay held onto your hand which you were grateful for, and the maid led the both of you through different pathways and staircases. You weren’t joking when you said it was huge. She finally stopped at the garden and opened the glass door to you and Jay. At the far end, you spotted Jay’s mother seated, drinking tea. She looked …sad. Jay cleared his throat and before his mother could notice, you withdrew your hand from Jay’s. She spread her hands in joy, but it soon faded when she saw you.

She made her way over to Jay and hugged him “My son! I’m so happy to see you… I thought you wanted to talk about personal matters” she whispered the rest in his ear, but sadly you heard it.

“I did… with my girlfriend” he took your hand and raised it for his mother to see.

“G- girlfriend? Her?” She gasped out in shock. You did not expect Jay to introduce you like this. Now you were positive his mother would get a heart attack.

“That’s wonderful, dear!” she laughed in joy.

“Huh?” you and Jay said in sync. You expected some kinda… disappointment?

“I’m so happy you found a girlfriend son, come sit down” Jay’s mother hugged him and hugged you too. You looked at Jay and he had the same expression as you. Confusion.

“Mom, you're taking your medicines daily, right?” Jay asked and you kicked him under the table.

“Yes dear, I’m not crazy” His mother laughed.

“Mrs. Park, are you truly okay with us?” you asked genuinely.

“Of course dear! And please call me Mom” she took your hand and lightly squeezed it. It felt weirdly nice. She smiled and you naturally reciprocated it.

“What about- Soojin?” Jay mumbled curiously.

“Ah… her. Apparently she is in love with her bodyguard, Mr. Song” his mother looked down.

You suddenly remembered the guy who gave you Jay's parcel back in shanghai… the prada bag.

“The fair back haired guy? The good looking one?” your voice betrayed you. And his mother nodded her head. The side of your head suddenly felt hot, you faced Jay and his eyes shot daggers your way.

“Unfortunately, yes. He is good looking” she agreed and Jay turned to his mother in disbelief.

“Good look-”

“Soojin called me yesterday and told me that she loved him and that it was all a show,” his mother said in disappointment. You felt guilty for ruining the plans she had for her one and only son.

Jay took your hand and laced his fingers with yours. He ran his thumb over your skin and smiled. His mother saw this and smiled.

“But it looks like I don’t have to worry” you gestured to both your hands and smiled sweetly.

“Thank you… Mom” you said for the first time in 11 years.

The evening went on with Jay's mother asking details of your relationship. It felt nice to speak to her. She even apologized for looking at you unpleasantly during the party. She spoke about Jay’s childhood stories, and embarrassing moments. It all ended well.

“Good looking black haired guy?” Jay asked you in disbelief as he drove you to your house. He didn’t like the idea of you finding another guy handsome. Was he as good looking as him?

“Oh yeah he was hella good looking… and tall” you teased him as you looked at your phone. You weren’t focused on your phone anymore when you found out Jay was jealous. You then understood the look he gave you back at his parents house. It was a rare occasion, so you wanted to test his patience.

“How exactly was he better looking than your boyfriend?” he asked with a smirk. He knew your answer would be ‘you’re more better looking’ or ‘you're the most handsome one’. In all the dramas the female lead always said those. But you said-

“Well- he was a little more muscular than you. Oh! And he had green eyes. Ugh they were-” you continued to tease him.

“Wow, you're actually explaining it” he mumbled disappointedly. His lips formed into a sad pout as he looked ahead. You laughed and leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he turned his head and kissed your lips. You gasped and covered your mouth with your hand.

“Caught you!” He cheered and you slapped his arm playfully.

Jay hugged you in front of your apartment, relieved that it was all over, and that he could freely date you. He sighed and buried his nose in the side of your neck, inhaling the scent of your hair. You stroked the back of his head and pecked his ear. You pulled away from the hug and bid him goodbye. He waited for you to walk in but got confused when you ran back into his arms.

“Baby, everything okay?” he patted your back lovingly.

You gave him one final squeeze and kissed his lips. His hand on your waist traveled up to the back of your neck and pulled you more into the kiss. When the breath in your lungs ran out, you pulled away and breathed into his mouth. You were driving him crazy.

“You're so beautiful, Jongseong” you whispered into his lips, your finger delicately brushing over his chin. Jay felt a thousand fireworks in his stomach, and he found himself smiling like an idiot. How did you make him so weak in the knees? You laughed when you saw Jay’s wide smile, and he shyly hid his face in his hands.

“What?” your question came out in a laugh.

“I’m beautiful?” he giddily asked.

“Oh my god Jay…” you laughed and he swayed from side to side like a cat, snuggling his head in your neck.

“Bye, I'm going in” you ran to the entrance but stopped when Jay replied, louder than usual.

“Am I more beautiful than the ‘tall, handsome guy?’”

“Sh… Oh my god, the neighbors” you laughed and Jay sent you a flying kiss.

You smiled like an idiot as you made your way into your house. You were so grateful that everything was back to normal- but better. You changed into your night clothes and you immediately fell asleep.

The next morning you got up and made it to the office early. Your phone beeped to the message sent by Jay. You opened the chat that was once named ‘Boss’, and now named ‘Jongseongie<3’

‘Good morning love! Are you at the office? I can ask the driver to go slow for you to run ahead if your not \(^0^)/’

You scoffed playfully at his text.

‘Mr. Park I’m at the office thank you very much -_-'

‘Awh I wanted to pick you up!’

‘Omg you're so cute<;3'

“Who are you texting?” Mark peeked into your phone but you turned it off before he could read the messages.

“N- No one” you stuttered.

“Oooh… something happened in Shanghai... Oh my- did you- you had sex?" Mark cheered out and you shut his mouth with your hand.

“Shhh! Yes okay I did!” you whisper shouted at him.

“Yes, finally! Wait- with whom?” you both laughed when he asked impatiently. You walked away, but he followed you.

“Okay okay, I’m just happy you experienced it” He patted your shoulder and you gave him a side hug. You told Haneul about Jay though. She deserved to know, she was so shocked that she kept spamming you.

When you were informed Jay was to arrive soon, you left your phone on your shared desk with Mark and made your way to the entrance. You stood in your rightful place, which was opposite to Mark. Everyone was in position except… Sohee was standing on your right instead of Mr. Seo (the Manager of team A).

“How did you enjoy the hotel suite, Ms.Y/n?” Sohee said sarcastically as you looked at her way.

You looked at Mark and you gave him an 'I'll tell you later’ look. The car pulled up and you opened the door for Jay.

“Good morning, Mr. Park” you said in your ‘secretary voice’.

“Good morning” the corner of his lip tilted upwards as he looked at you and replied.

You tried your best to hide the smile. Once Jay walked away, everyone sent suspicious eyes at you. Especially Sohee. You loved your job as Jay’s secretary- but the only disadvantage was that everyone was jealous of your position, especially the females.

One of the female employees walked up to you with her hands crossed to her chest, wearing a look of disgust and jealousy.

“Y/n, why did Mr. Pa-”

“Hey Y/n, I need you to look into a document urgently, now now now” Mark said as dragged you away from the crowd.

Mark led you to your desk with him and made you sit down on your chair. He stood up and crossed his arms in a playful way, like he was going to interrogate you.

“You slept with Mr. Park, didn’t you?” Your eyes widened at his accurate answer, and that just confirmed his suspicion. Mark dramatically covered his mouth in shock.

“No- no I didn’t- I had it with someone else-” you tried to cover up but just then your phone lit up to a text Jay had sent. Mark gasped dramatically as he saw the chat name. He snatched your phone before you could get a hold of it.

“Come to my office- oooh~ Y/n~” Mark swooned as he read out the message.

“Okay okay, I’m dating Jay” you chuckled as you told Mark. You trusted him, and even though he didn’t show it- he cared a lot about you. Mark listened with an amused look. The both of you laughed along at the jokes he made.

You didn't notice time had gone by until Jay opened his office door. Mark and you stood up and bowed automatically. Jay stared into your eyes and Mark coughed, kicking you under the table signaling you to go in.You walked over to Jay and he moved aside to let you into his office. Your back hit the door the moment he closed it. He looked down at your small figure as he caged you with his body.

“Having fun back there?” Jay said in a deep, deadly whisper.

You shivered when his breath hit your neck. His lips lingered there without any movement. Your heart beat fastened so much, you could hear it in your ears. You were getting so wet at his hot breath fanning your neck. Suddenly, Jay pulled down the blinds, making the office dim. He smirked slightly when he saw your legs tighten together.

He suddenly carried you to his desk and set you down. His hand made his way to your blouse, starting to unbutton it.

“J- Jay, what if someone sees?” You asked, but it soon turned into a whimper once he kissed the exposed skin on your chest.

“Let them see” Jay threw your blouse to the floor and unhooked your bra swiftly. He connected his lips on your nipple and started sucking on it with so much force that you were being pushed backwards. You whimpered as he swiveled his tongue over your hardened tit. He groaned out when you held onto his hair for support. You bit your bottom lip to the feeling of his hands running all over your body.

His fingers moved down to unzip your skirt. You wanted to tease him- so you raised your red stiletto shoe and lightly pressed it to his crotch.

“Ah- fuck” he moaned and pushed your leg aside. He looked at you, and before he could make a filthy comment, you grabbed the nape of his neck and kissed him. Your kiss turned into a very hot make out session. Jay’s tongue danced with yours, heads moving from side to side. Meanwhile, your hands got to work on his belt, and when you got rid of his underwear, you ran your fingers over his shaft.

“Hmph- god” he moaned into the kiss.

You smirked and started rubbing up and down his length at a fast pace. Jay gripped on to your hips for support and you wrapped your legs around his waist to bring him closer to you. His moans were so heavenly it got you so wet. He hissed when you massaged his balls. He was dripping with pre cum already when he felt a tingle in his stomach.

“Don’t stop- ugh” He let out a guttered moan.

You gasped when you felt hot ropes of cum gushing out. You watched in awe as he released his liquid on your hand. He was panting heavily as he looked at you, making you smirk. You felt proud that you played his own game.

“That was not pretty babe,” Jay panted.

Jay’s mouth parted as you smirked and brought your fingers to your mouth, starting sucking his cum off them.

“Mhm but it’s delicious” you moaned at the taste, your eyes completely on his. Your left hand was on his cock and you smirked when he became hard again.

“Fuck- baby, you're a natural”

Your back hit the desk and Jay towered over you. He undressed you and hissed out when he saw you dripping wet.

“So wet after giving me a hand kitten?” he teased

“You cummed on it though” you smirked but soon moaned out when he scissored his fingers through your hole, his pace faster than usual.

“Don’t be naughty, doll” Jay cooed as your hips struggled to be freed from his hold.

“Hmph- ah!” You cried out on his fingers. It felt like heaven.

He pulled out his fingers and you supported yourself on your elbows to why he stopped. Jay moved backward for you to witness. He bit his lip as he rubbed your slick over his cock. You moaned at the sight of his precum and your arousal combined together.

He came closer to you and laid you down on his desk. He towered over your body and leaned in to whisper into your ear.

“I’ve waited to fuck you on my desk for so long, baby”

He wanted to take you on this desk so desperately ever since his stupid dream, and the best part was you sounded so much more heavenly than his nightmare.

You brought his face closer to yours and whispered back into his ear.

“Then fuck me”

You cried out when he shoved his cock into your needy hole without a warning. He moaned into your ear when you clenched around him. The both of you were completely naked against each other, his bare skin on yours. His hips moved in such a fast way that you were out of breath. The way his balls hit your skin was making you dizzy. Jay pulled out for a brief moment only to force it back in, making your back arch to the constant hitting on your g-spot.

“Ah- ah! S-so full-” you stuttered out as you held onto his shoulders.

“You're taking me so well, kitten, my good girl” he said before he licked your ear lobe.

Jay suddenly pulled out and bent you over his desk. He parted your legs and entered you once again. You screamed out in pleasure at the new feeling, him feeling so much more deeper now. His tip hit all the spots with more delicious force. His hands were on your hips but his fingers were fixed to your clit. You bit your hand to muffle your moans as he rubbed circles on your sensitive bud.

“You know daddy doesn't like that, right?” Jay took your hand away from your mouth and held it behind your back.

You moaned out when he hit his hips with force to get a reaction out of you.

“Answer, doll” Jay pushed harder.

“Y- yes, daddy!” you screamed.

Jay rolled his hips and you felt a coil in your stomach. He understood when you started panting harder. He didn’t want to pull out but he had to, when he was half way out you clenched on him

and pushed yourself backwards to prevent him from doing it.

“Don’t pull out Jay” you whined.

“Baby, I don’t want to either but-”

“Then don’t!”

“Love, I can’t-” he hesitated

“Please, daddy” you moaned out desperately

“Fuck it”

He started rubbing your clit, and soon you both came. Jay bent over and moaned into your neck at the way you tightened around him. You whimpered when you felt Jay filling you up. His hot breath on your neck made it a thousand times better. Your arms staggered with tiredness. Jay noticed that and pulled out and gently turned you over. Your back rested on his desk and you looked at Jay who was staring at your pussy. He jerked himself a few times and entered you again.

He raised your legs and made them wrap around his waist, humming at the feeling and rested his head on your chest while he filled you up to the brim. You sighed as you played with his hair, stroking it and gently massaging his scalp. The both of you stayed like that for a while. From time to time Jay hugged your waist and buried his face into your chest, and occasionally he’d kiss your nipple. It felt peaceful even though he was still inside you. You couldn’t believe his seeds were inside of you, but you didn’t regret it. You could take a pill later.

Jay was at peace. Your warmth kept felt like home to him, the way you gently ran your fingers through his hair made him feel so light. He could just fall asleep any minute. What he enjoyed most at this moment was the sound of your beating heart, it was a slow melody that he had grown to love. Everything about you was so fascinating to him. He felt a sense of pride as well, he fucked you better than heeseung did in his nightmare. The fact that he was inside you with no movement felt nice. His heart fluttered when you would kiss the top of his head lovingly, what did he do to deserve you?

“Love?” you called him but he didn’t reply. “Jay, my baby?”

“Five more minutes” He mumbled into your chest. You chuckled at his behavior. You didn't know how much time you’d lost. Mark was still outside, could he have heard anything?

“Time to wake up, daddy” you teased him as you ruffled his hair.

“Oh no~” he whined shyly. You chuckled and kissed his head. Is it even possible to be shy after saying all those words?

Jay slowly got off of you and helped you to stand, your legs wobbled as you lost balance, but Jay carried you and made you sit on his chair.

“Honey, you okay?” His voice was full of concern, even though you were about to fall a minute ago, your heart fluttered to new nickname.

“Y- yeah, I’m okay” you smiled at him.

“Shall I get you some muscle cream?” Jay was so worried, he went too far with you and now you were hurting.

“No baby, I’m fine” you made him look at you and kissed his nose.

“Are you sure nothing is hurting?”

“My thighs are a little numb that’s all, I promise” You looked at his watery eyes, he was so vulnerable you wanted to cry. How did you end up with an angel like him?

Jay dressed you up and you promised him you wouldn’t walk too much. He told you to wait after work so that he’d take you home.

“How was your trip to heaven, Ms.Y/n?” Mark teased as you sat down

“Amazing! There were rivers of milk everywhere!” you dramatically said in a playful manner.

“Oh my god! I wonder where it flows down to?” you and Mark laughed so much your jaws started to hurt, he was the best friend you could ask for.

After work ended Mark looked at you.

“Aren’t you going home?” He asked curiously

“Jay is taking me home”

“Ooh, heaven let’s go!” he cheered.

“Not heaven you idiot, my legs are aching” you looked down and Mark scotted down in front of you,

“Seriously? Do you want some painkillers or some kinda crea-” he panicked

“No no I’m fine, thanks Mark” you patted his shoulder.

“You sure-”

“Ready, babe?” Jay came up to you and stroked your shoulder.

“Yeah, let’s go” you smiled at Mark and Jay shook his hand. But the moment you stood up your thighs ached with pain and you fell back onto your chair.

“Y/n!” Mark and Jay shouted in sync.

You knew life wasn’t on your side. Jay felt so guilty, you're in so much pain because of him. What if your scars were hurting too?

“I don’t think I can walk, Jay” you were genuinely worried about the pain in your legs, not the pain from the session with Jay, but the pain of the scars following it. You were mostly worried about Jay, he would be kicking himself internally by seeing you.

Jay removed his coat and placed it on your legs.

“Baby can you put your arm around my neck?” you hesitated a bit but then placed your arm around his neck, and he gently carried you bridal style.

“Does it hurt?” his voice came out in a broken sob, your heart ached at his voice. He was so worried about you. You nodded your head and he carried you to the car.

You hid your face in his shoulder when you heard people gasping and whispering. What did you get yourself into?

Jay helped you on the passenger seat of his bugatti, the seat was so soft and comfortable, you relaxed right away. You watched as Jay walked to the driver seat and got in. He looked at you with so much concern, making you melt.

“Are you comfortable, love?” Jay asked, he took your hand and placed a kiss on it.

“What happened to ‘honey’?” you smiled and felt at ease when he smiled back.

“Are you comfortable, honey?” He corrected his sentence as he kissed the back of your hand once again.

You nodded your head and Jay drove to his house. He stopped at a pharmacy and bought you a pill and other stuff which he refused to show you. You smirked to yourself, you knew he bought condoms for your next trip to heaven.

“Why are you smiling?” Jay asked.

“Nothing” you pursed your lips.

Jay carried you all the way to his bathroom and set you down on the counter gently, like you were a piece of glass. You watched him as he started filling the tub with hot water. You suddenly tensed up, your skin burnt up every time you came in contact with it. It brought back all those nightmares you lived through, and with the pain in your thighs…

“Jay… I can’t-” your voice almost came out as a whisper.

Jay faced you and immediately made his way to you when he saw your eyes glassy.

“Baby what's wrong? Is the pain getting worse?” He rubbed your thighs gently.

“No, I can’t bathe in hot water Jay… it hurts” He understood, your scars hurt when it touched heat… or was it your head?

“When did you last bathe in hot water, love?” he asked slowly as he stroked your hair to calm you down.

“About… 5 years ago” you realized how long it was, after that experience you never wanted to touch hot water in your life. Even during the freezing cold winter when you missed the feeling of warm water hitting your skin, you refused.

“Hmm that was a long time ago, wasn’t it? Do you wanna try again?” Jay stroked your sides, he didn’t want to force you into anything but the medicine he bought needed to be added into warm water. You looked at the tub and hesitated for a while.

“Maybe I can try” deep down you were curious to how your skin and mind would react to the water.

“That’s my good girl” he kissed your forehead, took the crystal medicine and sprinkled it over the water. He diluted it with a little cold water to not make it too hot for you.

“What’s that?” you asked curiously what he added into the water.

“It’s a medicine to ease the pain,” he explained.

“In water?” you questioned.

“Yeah, apparently a lot of couples bathe together after sex and this helps to reduce the pain,” Jay said as he checked the water with his hands.

“And how do you know this, honey?” you said while you started undressing.

Jay smirked and made his way over to you, he loosed his tie in front of you and threw it to the floor, you gulped as he started invading your personal space. He hooked his hand on the waistband of your skirt, before leaning into your ear.

“How do I know this?” He repeated your question.

You nodded your head and swallowed at the close proximity.

“The pharmacist told me” he pecked your ear and walked to the bedroom, smiling playfully at your flustered state. You scoffed at his games and started to undress.

When Jay came back into the bathroom, you were sitting naked on the counter. He was in his bathrobe but even the little bits of exposed skin made you horny. Jay eyes feasted on your naked figure, you were sitting so prettily there for him. He cleared his thoughts as he made his way to you.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah”

He pulled the string of his robe and it fell to the ground, revealing his sculpt-like body. You shut off your dirty thoughts and let him carry you. He got into the bathtub first as you held onto him like a koala on a tree.

“Whenever you're ready, love” Jay said before he kissed your cheek.

You took in a deep breath and lowered your legs down slowly into the water. It felt… nice. Your feet tingled at the feeling. You were now standing with Jay. he examined your face. You seemed to have mixed feelings about it so instead he waited for you.

“I like it” you gave him the green light, making him smile.

He sat down and spread his arms for you to sit in between his legs. You bent down and made yourself comfortable in his embrace. His hand gently massaged your body, making you melt into his touch. You hummed when Jay massaged the spots that hurt the most.

“I’m so proud of you, babe” Jay kissed the side of your head

“If it weren't for you I wouldn’t have even thought about this” you leaned back onto his chest.

Jay’s body hugged yours, the comfortable nosies of his breath filled your ears. Occasionally, Jay would collect water in his hand and splash it on your face. The both of you would giggle and play like teenagers. At one point, you faced Jay and he scanned your body, the scars were much more visible in the water. He was furious at the person who did this to you. You were only a kid, how could someone be so heartless to torture a child?

“It’s scary you know… when sadness can turn into anger” you observed Jay’s face, and you remembered the thirst you had to take revenge on the person who made you go through this.

“You were only a child, Y/n” Jay looked at you like he was about to cry.

You moved closer to him and cupped his face “Everything in life happens for a reason”

“But this is-” he protested

“Maybe god sent you to me as a gift… in this cruel world”

A tear ran down Jay’s cheek, his heart exploding in his chest to your words. You're the star sent down to him. He had no clue who he was until he met you, it was like he never even had a life before you. Your touch was the light to his skin, your breath was the air to his lungs and your smile was the life to his empty soul.

Jay pulled you into his arms and cried on your shoulder, he was so grateful that you were his.

“Jay- what's wrong, love?” you were worried about him. His feelings right now for you were so overwhelming, he didn't know how to express it, but he was sure of one thing

“I love you” you froze as he spoke into the crook of your neck.

“I love you so so much, Y/n” he sobbed into your neck, making the butterflies in your chest explode. You found yourself crying.

You cradled his head in your arms, kissing the side of his head

“I love you more, my Jongseong” You connected both your foreheads and smiled at each other.

The tears of both of you fell to the water like petals from a blossomed tree. You took water in your hand and gently washed away his tears. He closed his eyes at the touch of your soft hands as you admired every little detail of his face like a piece of art. Once Jay opened his eyes, he smiled playfully at your marveled face.

“Have you seen yourself in the mirror, honey?” Jay playfully raised his eyebrows.

“Mhm I have, and I’m starting to wonder what you like in me”

“Don’t say that… you're beautiful in your own weird way” he played you.

“Hey!” you splashed water at him and he laughed out.

“Come on, time for bed” you said as you got out of the tub, your legs felt much more relaxed than before, and the pain was only slightly there. But that didn’t stop Jay from carrying you to bed.

He made you wear his t-shirt and tucked you in until he went back to change. When Jay came back to the room, he found you sleeping, your eyelashes sitting beautifully on your eyelids. He made his way over to your sleeping figure. You looked so adorable, he wanted to squeeze your cheeks.

“Y/n~” he tickled your nose.

“Hmm?” you whined in your sleep.

He chuckled softly at your behavior, he stayed there observing your face. He wanted you in his life all the time. At the end of the day, it was you he wanted. He wanted to come back home to you.

“Baby~”

“Yes” you said mindlessly as you stirred in your sleep.

“Do you like honey?” he asked teasingly.

“Hm? Mhm” you hummed in agreement without knowing the question.

From the opened balcony, the city lights enlightened the room. And even in the dim room, Jay could see your tiny pimples. He adored everything about you. You shivered slightly when the cold breeze hit your skin. Chuckling to himself, Jay got up to close the door of the balcony. All of a sudden Jay thought of something, giddily skipping his way back to your sleeping figure.

He moved closer to you and tickled your nose again

“Will you marry me?”

“Hm? Okay” you said more desperately, half asleep.

Jay chuckled and kissed your forehead lovingly.

“Goodnight, my wife”

End.

A/n: sorry guys for keeping you waiting! Lmk what you think!!! Thank you for reading<3

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moongothic · 5 months

Text

The worst part about trying to figure out what Crocodile's deal is that because he's so fucking irredeemably evil in Alabasta... Like... Yeah he's just irredeemably evil. Like I love him but he did cause countless casualties, a ton of pain and suffering and literally attempted to blow up a million people

Like no amount of theoretical "trying to do it to save his son from the Government" or "trying to stop the Government from hurting anyone else" or just "doing it for the greater good" is going to make him any less of a mass murderer

But also Robin absolutely 100% helped with all of that shit simply because she wanted to read the Poneglyph for herself.

No amount of her intending to betray Crocodile from the begining and sabotaging his plans erases the fact that Robin also caused countless people to starve to death and die in the civil war. Her sabotages only succeeded out of sheer luck, and only spared the lives of the people at the final battle. She has the blood of countless innocents on her hands. Because she wanted to read history.

But her crimes were swept under the rug because she has a sad backstory and her sabotages worked out just at the nick of time by sheer dumb luck

So Croc??? Just??? Is there a chance??? At all???

But also he did literally intend to sell Buggy into slavery

Like, fuck Buggy, but jesus

What's also killing me is that we like. Don't know what Luffy thinks of Crocodile right now. Which really is like. The thing that will decide how we, as the readers, are supposed to feel about Crocodile. Luffy is our POV

Like we don't know what Luffy's opinion of Crocodile is after he helped save Luffy (and spared Ace once) during the Summit War. Like Luffy clearly fucking hated the man in Impel Down and the two interactions they had during the War weren't like positive (in the sense that Luffy himself didn't think of the interactions as particularly positive. Defending Whitebeard from being attacked once and then being like "wait what HIM?!" when Crocodile defended Ace. To be fair, in the midst of the chaos, there wasn't much time to spend on Pondering On Such Things because Ace needed to be saved, and Oda goes out of his way to not show us what's going on inside Luffy's head, because it's all meant to be out in the open anyways. Regardless, these weren't like "yay it's Crocodile! :)" moments for Luffy is what I mean)

But also Luffy was very grateful of Law for saving his life and was willing to put his trust into Law for their alliance- of course, they weren't explicitly enemies to begin with, rivals at most, but still. Luffy respects those who help him.

But also Luffy grew during the timeskip. Like he's not that clueless anymore (like he finally understands Hancock is in love with him etc), and similarly Luffy gets that Buggy is an absolute loser now. But also Buggy did also help save Luffy's life (even if it was by accident), and while IDK if Luffy is aware of that, I don't think that helped improve Luffy's impression of Buggy

So like. The fuck does Luffy think of Crocodile, at this moment? Even with the Cross Guild reveal, he didn't even really comment on Croc and just focused his energy on being confused about Buggy being "the leader" of CG. IDK it feels almost intentional or something, that we don't know what Luffy thinks?? Especially since we did get Zoro's opinion on Mihawk in the situation?? Or am I delulu?? (Sidenote. I'd love to know what Robin would have to say about Crocodile helping save Luffy's life. What Jinbei might think of the final words Crocodile left him with before blasting them out of Akainu's reach. But mainly just Robin's thoughts)

Like IDK my best guess would be that Luffy still hates Crocodile just the same but is like grossed out by technically owing him one??? In the classic

-kinda way, you know? And that he'd be just kinda confused about it?

Because I can't fucking imagine Luffy being like "oh we're cool now" with Crocodile, let alone "Yay Crocodile :) He saved my life!". But also like. Luffy does kind of owe Croc one. Kind of. And Luffy is usually very respectful of that kind of thing. Aaaaaaaa???

(Also does. Does Luffy even know it was Crocodile who yeeted him and Jinbei out of Akainu's reach to begin with. 'Cause he was unconcious. Knocked the fuck out. Does. Does Luffy even know. Did anybody tell him???)

I just.

There's the reasonable part of me that knows Crocodile is an irredeemable evil dickbag and everything he has ever said and done up to the most recent chapters support that. He is too far gone.

And then there's the absolutely delulu part that loves a tragic villian who gets a heartwrenching redemption that's looking for any fucking sign that could indicate Crocodile could maybe be one

#Moon posting #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #Sir Crocodile #Crocodad #Haunted by thoughts of one (1) evil middle aged man #IDK I was rereading Punk Hazard today while on the train and just. God there's like no difference between Alabasta Croc and Ceasar #I mean there is but no there isn't. Dude was doing essentially the same shit just this time with much more child abuse #And we all agree that Ceasar is scum of the earth and irredeemable.#But also he was doing everything PURELY out of self-interest without ANY sad backstory to counter balance it #I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE MAN I AM LOSING MY MARBLES #Kuma Flashback I Love You but I need to know what the fuck is happening with Crocodile so bad pleeeaaase #There's also like that note about Kuma saying he'd be wiling to make a deal with the devil just to protect his daughter #And If Crocodad Real. What a greater evolution of that but being wiling to BECOME the devil himself to protect your child #Also sorry about the Buggy slander but also not sorry. All that man is good for is being a punching bag for comedy as far as I'm concerned #He's very funny I'll give you that. And I'm looking forward to him and Shanks getting married

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czrpenters · 1 year

Text

all the things she said | sam carpenter x reader

summary: sam could be impulsive sometimes and you hated it.

warnings: slight scream vi spoilers, but nothing too big. angst with smut at the end. top!sam & bottom!reader. english is not my first language.

pairings: sam carpenter x fem!reader.

word count: 2.3k words.

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It felt way too good to be true, to be completely honest.

You were a survivor, a fighter. When the Woodsboro attacks happened again, you were there. You survived. You got stabbed in your back 4 times and it damaged your nerve. You would never walk normally again. But you still survived. Liv and Wes couldn't say the same. And you were so grateful that life, god, fate, whatever you wanna call it, gave you a second chance.

So, like any sane person would, you and your friends decided to leave Woodsboro behind. All of the trauma and the pain should stay right there, where it belonged. You all needed a fresh start. Chad and Tara enrolled into college, Sam finally started therapy and Mindy got a girlfriend, just like you did. You started to work in NYC as a photographer and, surprisingly enough, started dating Sam. Like I've said; way too good to be true.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." You said while getting up from the couch. A ghostface attack, on an alley. A college professor died brutaly. She was young, so freaking young to just die in the hands of an asshole with a mask on. "Guys, I think y'all need to see this..."

You said, grabbing the attention of the Core Four (horrible name, by the way), making them leave the kitchen and watch the news with you. The room once filled with laughter got quiet all of a sudden. Tara was in the verge of tears, Mindy was shaking. Chad couldn't even speak. But Sam was the only one who took action and said something. "Pack your shit, we're leaving."

Your girlfriend fled the room, going to the kitchen to grab her knife and to start packing up her stuff, but you followed her. "Yeah, no? We can't do that, Sam. We can't just, leave!"

"Like hell we can't." She finally grabbed her knife and went to her bedroom.

"You think we're gonna be safe if we leave? He followed us, Sam! What makes you think he's not going to again?" She didn't even listened to you, just started packing her stuff like you weren't even there. You put both of your hands on the top of the suitcase, preventing her from continuing. "Stop this and listen to me, babe."

"Don't call me that in front of them, (Y/N)." You rolled your eyes.

"Fuck that, no one is fucking here. I already know you're ashamed of me, you don't need to remind me." Sam looked at you, with a tired look on her face. Here we go again, she thought.

"You know that I'm not ashamed of you, (Y/N). It's complicated and you know it." You huffed, closing the door so you both could have some privacy. "Complicated my ass, Samantha. You don't wanna be seen with me and that's fucking fine, I can handle it. What I can't handle is the fact that you don't take my opinion into consideration!" You ran you hands through her hair and took a deep breath. "We cannot just fucking leave here, Sam! Tara has her life here, she wants to be freaking normal and that's not gonna happen if you move us around the country like we're fucking nomads." She tried to speak but of course, you didn't let her. "Plus, we need to know what we're dealing with! Who we're dealing with! They may wanna come after you again, and if they do, they're not gonna just give up. They're gonna follow us if we don't stop them, Sam. You know I'm fucking right."

"I am trying to do what is best for my family, (Y/N). We're going to fucking die if we go through this shit again!" She raised her voice at you. So she wants to fight, huh?

"And I'm not, Sam?! Is that what you fucking mean? That I wanna stay here because I want all of us to die?"

"Tara doesn't fucking need this anymore! Not again! We're leaving New York and that's final!" She started packing her bags again, making you angrier by the minute.

"I'm sorry to say that but that's not how life fucking works! We are a family, Sam! We get to make all of our decisions together!"

"No, (Y/N)! We are not a fucking family! Tara and I are family, you're not. So just stop trying to decide what is best for us and leave us the hell alone!" She screamed loudly, looking at you with rage in her eyes. Hearing all of that shit from her broke your heart into million pieces. She was right, you were not her family. You felt your eyes start to water and it made you laugh, ironically. Sam realised what she just said, and the expression on her face just softened. "(Y/N), I..."

"You're so fucking right, Sam. I'm not your family. You don't even have the guts to tell people we're dating, so I guess you're right." You said, smiling through the pain. "You know what? If you really want to, I'll leave you alone."

You opened the door, grabbing your jacket and keys, getting ready to leave the apartment. Sam didn't even tried to stop you; she just stood there, speechless. All of them heard you fight, but they also didn't said anything, until you were just about to leave. "(Y/N), don't go out. Ghostface is out there, you know it's not safe. He might..." Chad started but you interrupted him.

"Kill me? Yeah, I'm aware. But I just learned today that it wouldn't make a fucking difference if he did." And then you left, going to god knows where.

It has been a couple of hours since you fought with Sam. She's been trying to contact you and left, literally, more than 100 messages on your phone, but you didn't replied to any of them. You were too hurt to reply to any of them. You just found a bar downtown and drank the whole night. Thank goodness you didn't got drunk that easily, otherwise you wouldn't even be standing still right now.

"It was hard to find you." You heard someone say behind you, making you turn around. It was Sam. Her eyes looked puffy, like she's been crying for hours, a heartbreaking scene to be honest, but you didn't said anything and took a gulp of your whisky. "I had to track down your phone, like, a million times..."

"Sam, I-" You tried, but she interrupted you immediately. "I just wanna talk, okay?" You huffed and look straight ahead, letting her sit right next to you. "I hate it when you drink."

"Well, I guess we're both disappointed right now." You laughed ironically which made Sam take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for what I've said. Truly. I was upset, and scared. We all are. Just come back home so we can talk about all of this." She pleaded, holding your hand over the bar table. "And you're absolutely right. I don't need to hide anymore. You make me happy, (Y/N). Happier than I've ever been in so fucking long. I don't need for this, for us, to be a secret. And I'm so sorry for making you feel like I was ashamed of you."

"I know that, don't worry. It's fine." You held her hand and kissed the back of it. "You know that we can't go, Sam. We need to stay here and figure out who is behind all of this." She nodded.

"I know... It just scares the shit out of me. I don't want to go through this again, I don't want Tara to go through this again. I don't want you go through this because of me."

"Stop it, okay? This is not your fault, baby. They're just some psychopaths with a mask on who have nothing better to do." You kissed her hand again. "We're gonna get through this, like we always did. And plus, I wouldn't mind killing another ghostface." You joked, making her smile a little. The most beautiful smile in the world, you dared to say. "Come on, let's go home."

"I fucking KNEW IT!" Mindy yelled, pointing at you while laughing a little. "I've always felt some sapphic vibes from you both, damn. The gaydar never fails."

"And why you waited until now to tell us? Especially now, actually, with the whole ghostface shit going on." Tara asked, making Sam look at you then her.

"I don't know. It's just, ever since Richie, it felt weird and stupid to date again. I thought I'd never trust anyone ever again. It felt safe having this little secret, for some reason. And I'm sorry from keeping this from you, really." She said, while holding your hand. It felt good to finally reveal the secret. You guys could, actually, hold hands in public. And kiss, and call each other pet names. It felt really freaking good.

You guys stayed up all night talking and drinking, the six of you. Anika got really close with you guys so she felt like family at that moment. It made you guys forget for a few hours about anything that was going on, especially ghostface.

After a while, Chad, Anika and Mindy decided to leave. It was getting pretty late and they didn't wanted to walk around the city late at night out of fear. Tara decided to study a little bit, and your roommate Quinn was at some hookup's house being sex positive, or whatever that means.

"Did you do it for me?" You asked, while looking at Sam. She was changing into some more comfortable clothes while you were laying down in your bed. It felt nice to finally share a room with her instead of Tara, to be honest. "Did what, babe?"

"Told them. If you really wanted to be a secret, still, I could handle it..." She smiled at you and walked towards you, laying down on top of your body.

"I wanted to tell them, babe. Seriously. It feels nice to finally be out there, too. I didn't wanted you to think that I did it because of our fight, or ghostface, or anything. I did it because I love you, (Y/N). You're my girl. I want everybody to know that." She whispered the last part, getting closer and closer to your face while she talked. You could feel her hot breath against your skin, and her mouth looked incredibly kissable at that moment.

"Don't do that." You mumbled, looking at her eyes. "Do what?"

"This. It makes me... feel things." You always felt so shy in front of Sam. She had this whole protective aura around her, that it made you actually want to be protected by her. It turned you on, even. "Feel what, babe?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Sam..." You diverged you look to the wall, but she held you chin between her index and thumb, making you forcibly look at her. Her eyes were darker now, filled with something that you knew exactly what it was.

"It turns you on, huh? When I call you mine?" She got closer, if that was possible, making your lips rub against each other. Her free hand made its way to your stomach, then your thighs, and your legs. Without ceremony, her hand got into your pants, fitting like it really belonged there. You were already embarrassingly wet by now, which made Sam smile a little. "Oh, you're already like this, babe? I didn't do anything, yet."

"You know you don't need to do nothing, Sam..." You swallowed, closing your eyes. You were completely at her mercy and she knew it, and knowing her, she would take advantage of that pretty soon.

Sam started to make circular movements on you clit, over your soaked panties. It made you shiver and tremble under her body, which made her laugh slightly. The way you were moaning softly to not starle Tara in the other room was heavenly, she loved being the one making you moan like this. "Sam..."

"Hm?" She replied, innocently. "M-More..."

She promptly obeyed, entering your panties and sliding one digit into you, making you gasp and arch you back. You were holding back your moans like crazy but let one slip. "Shhh... Tara is right in the other room; we don't want her to hear that, hm?"

You shook your head no, looking at her. Her eyes were filled with lust and desire; you could almost feel how much she wanted you right now. She started to pump her finger inside of you, starting slowly; then increasing the pace gradually. "Fuck, Sam..."

"You feel so good around my fingers, baby. So fucking tight... " She said while kissing your neck, leaving some love bites all over your skin. "You're fucking made for me, and only me."

"Only you..." You admited, without even thinking straight. She made you feel at cloud nine, all of the pleasure was something that only she made you feel. She added another finger, thrusting them inside of you deeper by the minute. You were spending all of your energy in holding back your moans, and you would hate if Tara walked in on both of you. Sam felt your pussy tighten around her fingers, making her smile slyly. "Come on, baby... Cum for me."

That was everything you needed to hear to finally release on her fingers, with a loud moan that you couldn't supress this time. Sam rode your orgasm perfectly, putting her own fingers into her mouth when you were done. "Delicious."

"You're unbelievable, Sam." You tried to say, out of breath. She held your chin and kissed you slowly, lovingly. "And you love it."

Before you could say anything, you heard some knocks on the wall next to you. "There are people trying to study here! Go be all porn-huby somewhere else!" Tara yelled, making you widen your eyes and blush. "I'll never leave this room again, Sam."

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