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#dailyquotesbank#dailyquotes#daily quotes bank#life lessons#inspiration#positive thoughts#motivation#classy strong woman quotes#strong confident woman quotes#woman quotes
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Independent Girl Quotes and Sayings
In life, being independent means that you don’t always need someone else to take care of you. You are in control of your own life and you can make the decisions that are best for you. This doesn’t mean that you’re a lone wolf or that you’re not sociable.
It simply means that you know how to take care of yourself and that you’re not afraid to take risks. Here are Elegant Inspirational quotes about being independent and Independent quotes for girls living life on your own terms.
Independent Girl Quotes
Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim. – Nora Ephron
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. – Gloria Steinem
A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman. – Melinda Gates
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt
The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who’s going to stop me. – Ayn Rand
Once you figure out what respect tastes like, it tastes better than attention. – Pink
The kindest words my father said to me women like you drown the ocean. – Rupi Kaur
Don’t let anyone speak for you, and don’t rely on others to fight for you. – Michelle Obama
She was a wild one; always stomping on eggshells that everyone else tiptoed on. – Katlin Foster
I’m tough, ambitious and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. – Madonna
If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be. – Maya Angelou
I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept. – Angela Davis
Cute Independent Girl Quotes
As for my girls, I’ll raise them to think they breathe fire. – Jessica Kirkland
I figure, if a girl wants to be a legend, she should go ahead and be one. – Calamity Jane
A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determined not be done. – Marge Piercy
She was powerful not because she wasn’t scared but because she went on so strongly, despite the fear. – Atticus
The woman who doesn’t require validation from anyone are the most feared individuals on the planet. – Mohadesa Najumi
Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it. – Ziad K. Abdelnour
I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say. I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story— I will. – Amy Schumer
Of course, I am not worried about intimidating men. The type of man who will be intimidated by me is exactly the type of man I have no interest in. – Chimamanda Ngọzi Adichie, Independent Girl Quotes
Independent Girl Quotes for Instagram
I never dreamed about success. I worked on it. – Estee Lauder
You don’t worry about fitting in when you’re custom made. – Drake
I’d never been a good damsel in distress. I was a ‘hands-on’ damsel. – Jennifer Armintrout
There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. – Madeleine Albright
She was free in her wilderness, she was a wanderess, a drop of free water. She belonged to no man. – Roman Payne
Do not tame the wolf inside you just because you’ve met someone who does have the courage to handle you. – Belle Estreller
I would rather be thought of as smart, capable, strong and passionate than beautiful. These things all persist long after beauty fades. – Cassandra Duffy
You need to know that you’re enough – a mantra that has now ingrained itself so deeply within me that not a day goes by without hearing it chime in my head. – Meghan Markle
The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before. – Albert Einstein
Independent Girl Quotes for Instagram
I never dreamed about success. I worked on it. – Estee Lauder
You don’t worry about fitting in when you’re custom made. – Drake
Each time a woman stands up for herself, she stands up for all women. – Maya Angelou
I’d never been a good damsel in distress. I was a ‘hands-on’ damsel. – Jennifer Armintrout
There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. – Madeleine Albright
She was free in her wilderness, she was a wanderess, a drop of free water. She belonged to no man. – Roman Payne
Do not tame the wolf inside you just because you’ve met someone who does have the courage to handle you. – Belle Estreller
I would rather be thought of as smart, capable, strong and passionate than beautiful. These things all persist long after beauty fades. – Cassandra Duffy
You need to know that you’re enough – a mantra that has now ingrained itself so deeply within me that not a day goes by without hearing it chime in my head. – Meghan Markle
Independent Girl Captions for Instagram
Women must learn to play the game as men do. – Eleanor Roosevelt
The most courageous act is to think for yourself. Aloud. – Coco Chanel
I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott
You don’t have to play masculine to be a strong woman. – Mary Elizabeth Winstead
She’s an old soul with young eyes, a vintage heart, and a beautiful mind. – Nicole Lyons
We, women, talk too much, but even then we don’t tell half what we know. – Nancy Astor
You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are. – Melissa Etheridge
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. – Margaret Thatcher
I am proud of the woman I am today, because I went through one hell of a time becoming her. – Unknown
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#girls quotes#quotes#independent women quotes#strong independent woman quotes#classy independent woman quotes#girls attitude quotes#women quotes#girls independent quotes#quotes about being independent woman#independent hard working woman quotes#self respect quotes for girls#attitude quotes#life quotes#motivational quotes#quotes for girls#bad girls quotes#girls attitude quotes in hindi#quotes for girls attitude#attitude quotes for girls
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Everytime i look at some nonsense in some shitty romcom about women being either only bossy and literally working 24*7 or being a puddle of emotions walking around exposing each of her vulnerabilities for people to pry open, I'm reminded of this scene
uk, there are moments when you feel like love is the answer. you feel it will cure you. for better or for worse, come what may, love will be there for you. and then there's the softness, the tenderness associated with falling in love and being in love. then there's the utter heartbreak and misery of watching someone either not love you back or fall out of love with you. and then there are moments like these. ffs, i am a feminist. i believe women should be and are equal to men. but good lord does it stab you hard in the gut when people always associate that cold-hearted approach towards injustice as the very essence of your nature. i so hate it. why can a woman only be tough? why can she only be vulnerable? why can she only be a stone-cold badass who doesn't tire or shy away from adversity? why can she only be soft and caring? why can she not be all of this? we are not objects of adoration and neither are we the perpetuators of selfless affection! we are what we are, multifaceted, bright, talented, fearless, strong, resilient, workaholics, overachievers, perfectionists, sassy, classy, boss-bitches yet at the same time we are vulnerable, empathetic, emotional, soft, tender, beautiful, caring and most of all, deserving of love ! and this quote right here proves it. it can get lonely for women who are everything i mentioned earlier too, their hearts can cry too, they get as excited as others as well, forcing them to stay locked in a cocoon of self-hatred and extremely high self-expectations to deem worthy for you will harm their self-image irreversibly, so instead of fitting them in a mould that suits your mental stereotypes, allow room for open conversations about subjects like these as well and don't beat them up with the harsh yardstick that they measure their life's success by, the yardstick serves a purpose of much greater value and is there for a very damning reason; the fear that she won't be taken seriously if she doesn't show the aforementioned "tough" qualities. don't make her regret being a woman and taking a stand against injustice just because you aren't able to expand your mindset an inch further and entertain the possibility of a woman being more than just one thing. no one is just one thing, and I'm tired of the type casting that women and sometimes even men go through. let people be themselves and entertain the possibility of completely binary qualities in a person as well. not all that appears or is portrayed is the entire picture.
- B
P.s. rant wasn't originally intended, but god, something is raging in me.
#my rants#musings#little women#jo march#march sisters#women#women power#multifaceted#rants n rambles#spilled thoughts#spilled emotions
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PINTEREST QUOTES I USE IN MY MUSINGS BOARDS
~ A SENTENCE MEME - PART 2
Change pronouns as / when needed to preferred pronoun.
“I do not do justice, I do damage. I do not do empathy, I do damage. I do not do forgiveness, I do damage. I do not do mercy, I do damage.”
“Like, you can boss me around in sexual situations but you better not try to tell me what to do in regular life.”
“I’m fine, I’ve had worse.”
“I’m meaner than my demons.”
“If I cannot bend Heaven, I will raise Hell.”
“Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black?”
“He was like a storm.”
“You want to play dirty? Fine, let’s play dirty!”
{ feels an emotion. } “Who the fuck authorised this?!”
“What the fuck? What the fuck is this? What the fuck?”
“Judge if you want. We are all going to die. I intend to deserve it.”
“Goddamn right you should be scared of me.”
“They wanted a monster; I decided to give them one.”
“Seduce and destroy.”
“What the fuck is intimacy? How does that work? Letting… people be close to you? What the fuck?”
“You couldn’t kill me if you tried for one hundred years.”
“I’ll do this my way.”
“I am severely emotionally unstable.”
“What, from the bottom of the heart, the fuck?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t take any orders. I barely take suggestions.”
“I send my best regards from Hell.”
“I like my coffee how I like myself: Dark, bitter and too hot for you.”
“Me and God, we don’t get along.”
“Be brave, Angel.”
“Self care is drinking three pots of coffee and getting into a knife fight with God.”
{ takes gulp of vodka straight from the bottle } “My day was fine.”
“Have I stabbed you? No. Then I am being nice.”
“Holy Shit! I’M the demon living in my house.”
“Sir, that’s my emotional support knife collection.”
“I want an ancient elaborate dagger with my name engraved into the blade as a gift. The only romantic gesture.”
“ ‘Are you a top or a bottom?’ I'm a threat!”
“Stop being so defensive! I’m just trying to hit you with weapons.”
“The more knives you have the more valid you are.”
“She’s strong but she’s exhausted.”
“She loves moonlight and rainstorms and so many other things that have soul.”
“My darling, you can’t see it can you? How like the moon you are. Both of you so timid in yourselves; hiding pieces from the world. Then, there are those rare moments when you are both full, and it becomes hard to look away. You are beautiful.”
“Calm her chaos but never silence her storm.”
“She wears strength and darkness equally well. That girl has always been half Goddess, half Hell.”
“She has been through Hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into the fire and smiles.”
“She’s proof that you can walk through Hell and still be an angel.”
“She is both hellfire and holy water. And the flavour you taste depends on how you treat her.”
“Even the mountains can not hold all you have been carrying.”
“Storm with skin.”
“She’s thunderstorms”
“Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.”
“You have a heart of gold.”
“Butterflies are the Heaven-sent kisses of an angel.”
“She who is brave is free.”
“Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.”
“Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick.”
“Girls who run in heels should be feared.”
“Family is everything to me.”
“She’s an old soul that believes in chivalry, romance, and love.”
“I hate getting flashbacks from things I don’t want to remember.”
“I run on coffee and grace.”
“I’m glad I’ve got boobs… the last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.”
“Tell me to put on my big girl panties one more time… and I’ll take off my thong and strangle you with it!”
“Please read all my posts in a sarcastic tone. You know, for full effect.”
“I have one nerve left and you’re dry-humping it, go away.”
“If I offend you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears, eating chips and working on my tan.”
“When she is happy, she can’t stop talking. When she is sad, she doesn’t say a word.”
“Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.”
“Act like a lady, think like a boss.”
“I know I have friends but I feel I have no one to talk to about the shit that goes on in my head.”
“She was special. She combined a mean angel and a kind devil.”
“So much pain for someone so young.”
“She’s one of a kind.”
“Red lips and wine sips.”
“Brave girl, it’s time to love again.”
“She is intelligent.”
“Sometimes, when I say ‘I’m okay.’ I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say, ‘I know you’re not.’ ”
“Because I’m not the kind of girl guys fall in love with.”
“I fear I will spend my life, waiting for a love story that doesn’t exist.”
“You’re a woman, use it; bring every man you meet to his motherfucking knees.”
“She denies it but, the truth is, she’s falling in love with him.”
“Hearing your heels click on the floor sounds like power.”
“She loves deeply, regardless of the love she gets back in return and it’s both her biggest strength and biggest weakness…”
“Experience raised her. Hurt taught her. Neither defined her.”
“She was not fragile like a flower was, she was fragile like a bomb.”
“Life is short; make every hair flip count.”
“I’ve always been someone who looks ‘too deep’ into something or someone. That’s because I realised from a young age that there’s always more than what meets the eye.”
“If I say ‘first of all’ Run away because I have prepared research, data, charts, and will destroy you.”
“Underestimate me, that’ll be fun.”
“You think I’m sarcastic? You should hear what I don’t say!”
“She’s a combination of sensitive and savage.”
“Stay classy, sassy and a bit bad assy.”
“She’s battling things her smile will never tell you about.”
“Ain't you ever seen a princess be a bad bitch?”
“I was told I was dangerous… I asked why? They said ‘because you don’t need anyone.’ That’s when I smiled.”
“She’s been through hell and came out an angel. You didn’t break her darling, you don’t own that kind of power.”
“Watch me. I will go to my own sun and, if I am burned by the flames, I will fly on scorched wings.”
“Her messy hair is a visible attribute to her stubborn spirit. As she shakes it free, she smiles, knowing wild is her favourite colour.”
“She’s strong. But in the back of her mind she doesn’t think that she was meant to be this strong for this long. And she wonders if there is a man out there, somewhere, who understands this.”
“She’s not for everyone and she knows it. People find her different and strange. She dances in the rain, she laughs when she cries and loves through her pain. People fear the unknown and they never knew a girl like her.”
“Don’t tell a girl with fire in her veins and hurricane bones what she should and shouldn’t do. In the blink of an eye, she will shatter that ridiculous cage you attempt to build around her beautiful bohemian spirit.”
“You provoke her until she roars and then get upset at her for becoming the monster you created.”
“Rip out his ego with your fresh nails.”
“She isn’t the sunrise; she’s the fucking sun.”
“You can’t touch a woman who can wear pain like the grandest of diamonds around her neck.”
“Watch your tongue around her. She will bear her fangs and tear you apart with all the grace of a Queen.”
“If you won’t embrace her madness, then you’ll never taste her magic.”
“Beauty may be dangerous but intelligence is lethal.”
“She is water. Powerful enough to drown you, soft enough to cleanse you, deep enough to save you.”
“Heavy is the crown and yet she wears it as if it were a feather. There is strength in her heart, determination in her eyes and the will to survive resides within her soul.”
“I wish that I could say that I am a light that never goes out, but I flicker from time to time.”
“Spoil me with loyalty. I can finance myself.”
“Shoutout to all the people with brown hair and brown eyes! We basic as fuck but we cute!”
“I feel a nap coming on.”
“Is horny an emotion?”
“I just really like thigh-highs.”
“Even though she looks innocent, she is really a perverted demon.”
“She didn’t sob or wail. Her pain was horribly discreet but as persistent and almost as silent as bleeding from an unstitched wound.”
“I don’t rise from the ashes, I make them. I’m the whole fucking fire.”
“Beautiful but destructive.”
“I’m aiming for the ‘she’s a badass and cute as hell but I wouldn’t touch her without asking’ look.”
“Loving me must be so fucking hard and I’m so sorry.”
“Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are built from it.”
“You glow differently when you’re actually happy.”
“She’s magic, that one.”
“Kicked out of Hell.”
“Red hair: the crown you never take off.”
“You’ve got a fire inside.”
“She doesn’t need a warrior, she is one. What she needs is a devout heart, and strong arms to hold her after her battles are won.”
“You are the love that came without warning: You had my heart before I could say no.”
“You want battle? I’ll give you war.”
“True evil is, above all things, seductive.”
“The Devil’s got nothing on me, my friend.”
“Haven’t I fallen far enough?”
“I’m not like them, but I can pretend.”
“I don’t like being told what to do.”
“Now I grow wings and rage, and learn how to kill.”
“Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.”
“Though she be little, she be fierce.”
“I know what this is; It’s just myself, talking to myself, about myself.”
“You underestimate my power.”
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More thoughts on the spy AU (because self control? I don't know her)
okay so both Aiden and Talon are spies working for the same company
Callan is their boss and he's the one who paired them up together for this very important mission because he ships them they are his best people
Henry is like "you sure you want them to do the mission together? what if they fight and ruin it" but Callan's like "babe trust me"
in this AU they are all a bit older than in canon
Talon has been trained to be a spy by the company as a teen and is working for them since quite some time already
he worked really hard to get as far as he did. he's one of Callan's best men. probably the best
but then along comes Aiden
Aiden is rather new at the company, compared to Talon. only there about two/three years
he was trained elsewhere, most stuff he also learned from his mother, who was an undercover agent
he's some sort of natural talent at spying, people say
before he came to the company he's been very successful as a spy in another country, working for very important people. a job here, a job there, but without a set employer (some sort of freelancer spy? this probs doesn't exist but whatever)
but he kinda wanted to settle down because things were getting a bit sticky where he lived so he moved countries to start somewhere where no one knows him
and because he was kinda tired of being alone all the time he decided for the country his older brother lives in
he then gets a job at the company because he happens to be the brother of the boss' husband
or at least that's what Talon thinks why he got the job at first, though the truth is Callan also wanted Aiden to work for them because of his skill
so yeah when he starts working at the company Talon really doesn't like him
not only does he see a competitor in him because Aiden quickly worked his way up until he was one of the top agents, just like him, but also because he thinks it's all just coming to Aiden without him giving much effort, which annoys him
because of that he's not all too nice to Aiden and teases him so Aiden doesn't have much sympathy for Talon either
they bicker a lot and have some strange rivalry going on
over time though they sort of become friends, or at the very least friendly rivals
Talon sees that Aiden is actually really good and works just as hard as he does, if not more, and both start to respect and admire the other's skills
they still bicker a lot and fight tho
they often disagree on things because the two have completely different ways of working
but they also complement each other pretty well because of that
I like to think that Talon often outsmarts and/or intimidates people to get informations, while one of Aiden's favorite tactics is to flirt with them until they spill all their secrets
those are not the only tactics they use of course (but I don't want to think about this in too much detail rn)
at one point Talon develops a crush on Aiden (he doesn't quite know why or when or how it started) and he's really mad about it
he doesn't know how to deal with it so he sticks to the familiar: teasing Aiden and making witty comments
and all is well and good until he gets called in Callan's office about an important mission
he comes into the room and sees Aiden already sitting there and he's pretty much like 'shit what is happening'
Callan tells them about the mission and that it is of great importance and that they need to work together
of course the two protest but, how Callan tells them with a smile that is pretty much threatening, they have no choice
okay now a bit about the mission
the two are supposed to find out more about possible plans of a group called "the Knights" that are, quote: "suspected of pursuing criminal activities"
they're some sort of cartel/mafia I guess? doesn't matter, let's just say they are indeed very much pursuing criminal activities
many of the Knights are members of high society and they are led by Morena who's like very rich and pretty much a bad b*tch
does she want to overthrow the government or just chill in her country club, gossiping and eating some caviar? no one knows
anyway Morena, being a high society lady, likes to host events, one of them being the masquerade ball Talon and Aiden are supposed to attend because she's definitely planning something
so for the two that means getting fancy suits and then go party investigate
just imagine: classy three piece suit Talon and smart suit no tie Aiden both having a gay panic seeing the other in his outfit
Talon probably almost spilled his drink when he saw Aiden
also I imagine he got pretty jealous when he saw how other people reacted to Aiden and how he interacted with them
he sees some woman flirting with him and snatches him away to dance to "discuss their observations"
so yeah like I stated before, I just want them to dance and sip wine or something while collecting information together and try not to get distracted by the other looking stunning
poor Talon out here pining the whole time while being in strong denial and then they are eavesdropping on someone and almost get caught so Aiden kisses him and they "fake" make out to cover up and poor boy completely loses it
Aiden did it because he panicked but also cause it was a great opportunity to kiss Talon without having to live with the consequences so yeah
let's say the make out wasn't as faked as they claimed
anyway they actually find out that some deal or something is supposed to happen on the ball that night and they decide to try to stop it
cause I want my action "guys in suits and ladies in dresses wielding weapons" scene, let me have that
no I have not thought of what exactly is happening, I stopped planning at "good looking people in fancy clothes fighting" and I think that is pretty valid of me
I guess they get the person Morena was making a deal with but Morena herself escaped or idk
anyways I think Talon and Aiden go out for a drink after that and boy if Talon wasn't crushing on Aiden before he sure as hell is now and let's be honest who can blame him
🂡
general tag list: @deadlycupid @writing-is-a-martial-art @writingamongther0ses @blueinkblot @wildswrites @abiandwriting @theroyalcoven @7devills @myhusbandsasemni @authortango @sleepy-night-child @charleeyy @formulatingfiction @shiishki @shattered-starrs
(I got too invested and now you all have to suffer the consequences I'm sorry for yet another au)
#this is unnecessarily long#now all that's missing is a header to make the chaos complete and me obsessed#writer speaks#writeblr#wip: the knights of the alder#spy au
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Good Business: Part 10
Fandom: Marvel (Mob AU)
Pairing: Chubby!Bucky x Reader
Summary: Bucky Barnes is a ruthless mobster. He’s also referred to as Big Buck due to his towering strong frame as well as his round stomach. You’re the owner of a small diner, a place that Big Buck decides to visit. Based off this drabble.
“You’re very...casual,” you say to Bucky as you approach his car. Instead of his usual suits, he’s wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and hoodie. A baseball cap and sunglasses hiding his face.
He shrugs, watching you get into his car and buckling in, “I didn’t feel like being Big Buck, Brooklyn’s feared mob boss today. Today, I just wanna be Bucky, taking my girl out on a shopping spree so she can look perfect when she meets my family.”
You cocked a brow at him as he begins to drive away from the diner, “Shopping spree? I thought we were just gonna get stuff for the dinner?”
“And then some. I mean, if you see anything you like while we’re out, I’ll get it for ya,” he says with a grin.
You shook your head, “Bucky, you helping me find an outfit is good enough. I don’t need expensive purses or fine jewelry or anything like that. You don’t need to spoil me.”
He chuckled, reaching over and resting a hand on your knee, “I wanna spoil you though, sweetcheeks.” he then pulls away, “But if you really don’t want me to, then I won’t,” he draws an ‘x’ with his finger over his heart, “scout’s honor.”
____________________
You thought Bucky was going to bring you to some mall where you’d buy a dress from Macy’s or something. Silly you for thinking such a thing. No, he brought you to some of the finest stores in New York on none other than Fifth Avenue.
Immediately as you drove onto the famous street, you felt out of place. Your outfit probably cost you about $30 at best, whereas everyone else walking the street was probably wearing hundreds of dollars worth of clothes on them.
You could feel your anxiety creeping up on you and you looked towards Bucky, “Hey, um, we really don’t have to go here. We can just go to the mall or something.”
Sensing your discomfort, he took hold of your hand, “Sweet cheeks, there’s nothing to be afraid of, okay? I know these people seem intimidating, but they won’t bat an eye at you. It’s New York, babe, no one cares about anything or anyone going on around them,” he says his last remark with a snort.
You felt a little more at ease as he shot a smile your way. You don’t know how he does it, but Bucky always seems to make you feel better, “Yeah. Okay.”
He rolls up to a sidewalk, a valet immediately rushing to his side of the car, accepting the keys Bucky hands him. Bucky then rushes over to your side, opening the door for you like the gentleman that he is, and helps you out.
You step out, looking in awe, your head moving left to right as you take in the stores surrounding you, “Not gonna lie, I’m already overwhelmed.”
Your honesty made Bucky chuckle and pull you into a one arm hug, “Don’t worry, sweet cheeks. I’m here to help.”
____________________
3 hours later, you’ve managed to collect several bags of things ranging from shoes, to clutches, to jewelry, to dresses, to coats. Yeah, so much for not going on a shopping spree.
Bucky couldn’t help it though. He loved the idea of you walking around in things that he bought you, despite your many protests. But when you’re involved with the likes of him, you gotta dress up every once in a while.
“Just in case, sweet cheeks,” he continuously said throughout your hunt for a dinner dress.
Bucky circled you after you came out of the dressing room one final time. The velvet black dress clinging to your skin, showing off all your assets, but at the same time, giving you a classy look, “I think this is it, baby. You’ll wear this to the dinner with my family. Whaddaya think?”
You looked at yourself in the mirror, turning your body around to get a look at yourself from different angles, “I mean, I guess I look alright.”
Your comment made Bucky scoff, “Just alright? Baby, you look like a goddess,” he walks over to you, helping you step down from the small podium, “My goddess,” he says with a proud grin, resting his forehead against yours, “They’re gonna love you.”
_____________________
“They’re gonna hate me!” you cry out as you pace back and forth in your bedroom. Sharon laying on her side on your bed as you pace. Her fingers playing with the soft velvet of your YSL dress, “They’re probably gonna think I’m some sort of gold digger or something!” It didn’t make sense, you know. Bucky said they insisted on meeting the woman who’s got him smitten, but the anxious part of you feels like it’s a cover up somehow, that they just want to make sure that their son isn’t involved with bad news.
Sharon can’t help but roll her eyes in annoyance, “For the last time, Y/N, they’re not going to hate you. It’s literally impossible to hate you with your kind heart and compassionate soul and shit.” the last part made you snort.
You shake your head, sitting at the edge of the bed, “This is insane. We haven’t even been dating for long!”
“Weeeeell, you sorta have. All those friend dates,” she made air quotes, “were honestly more like actual dates.”
You groaned, “I don’t know if I can do this! Meeting the people of his...organization, sure. That’s one thing, but his meeting his fucking family?! That’s a whole other thing and I can’t do this!”
Sharon sits up and grabs a hold of you, staring into your eyes, “Listen to me: you can do this. You care a lot about Bucky and he cares a lot about you. Meeting his family is important to him and if he’s important to you, then you need to do this. What can go wrong, Y/N?”
“They can hate me and tell Bucky to break up with me,” you say in a serious tone with a deadpan expression.
Sharon groans, “Stop being dramatic! You’re almost ready! Just finish your makeup and put on your dress! Bucky’s is coming to pick you up soon.” she gives you a pat on the head and headed out of your bedroom, closing the door behind her.
You sighed, picking up your dress and carefully slipping it on. Once it was zipped up, you looked at yourself in the mirror, whispering, “You can do this, Y/N. You got this.”
_____________
You sat in the back of Bucky’s town car, the mob boss sitting beside you. Your hand was clasped in his and you can feel your palm grow clammy the closer you get to his place.
“There’s no need to be nervous, Y/N. They’re excited to meet you, I promise.”
You let out a shaky deep breath, “But what if they hate me? What if they think I’m using you for your money or power or something.”
“Are you using me for money or power?” he asks, and when you shake your head, he softly smiles, “Then there’s nothing to worry about. My folks are the most loving and caring people you’ll ever meet.”
You can’t help but snicker, “And here’s their son running a mob behind his successful business.”
He gives you a pointed, but playful look, “Hey now, things just happened that way, alright? And they don’t know anything about my organization, you keep your pretty mouth shut about that. Alright missy?”
You smirk as you reply, “Yes, sir.” Bucky bites back a moan after hearing those words from you. He’s gotta explore that with you later on, once you become intimate.
“Anyway, Becca, she can be a bit blunt and forward, but that’s just how she is and despite her being younger than me, she’s always been protective. Her husband is the literal opposite of her, but they mesh together well. And my nephews? They’re troublesome, but that’s expected from six and seven year olds.” he pats the top of your hand with his free one, “Easy breaths now, sweet cheeks. The dinner will be fine. You’ll meet my family and they’ll love you in an instant. Just like m-everyone you meet,” he catches himself.
He’s only known you for some months. He couldn’t possibly already know that he loves you, right?
Good Business Taglist (CLOSED): @cametobuyplums @sergeantrosabellaswan @asadmarveltrashbag @youcanhaveyourspacecowboy @reniescarlett @j-the-smol-otter @buckysknifecollection @lowkeysebby @rinthehufflepuff @134340-cm @snoot-snoot-toot @seabassali1328 @bluebellhairpin @emzy106 @viarogers @feelmyroarrrr @vxidnik @jasura @jade-cheshire3303 @yknott81 @baliebay19 @jessieray98 @fandommemporiumm @iluvsumbucky @bucksandroses @lecoindenox @ylva-stark @booktease21 @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @cheyenne222222 @momobaby227
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Letters from the Past
Pairing: Bryce x F!MC (Casey Valentine)
Book: Open Heart
Word Count: 1929
Summary: Casey stumbles to her past letters whilst cleaning especially a particular one. (The letter will be in italic form)
Rating/Warning: FLUFF/None
Link to my MASTERLIST.
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Casey Valentine is starting her daily routine by finishing up house chores on her day off. As a doctor, she rarely has off days. But, when one occurred she would take the chance to finish up her duties. Both, Casey and Bryce, managed to score the same off days which giving them a chance to catch up on lost time with their son, Louis who is already 5 years old.
The three of them would work together to complete the chores, even Louis would insist on holding the broom as Casey sweeps on the floor. Bryce would take on the heavy stuff such as wiping the windows. But, for the day a major task Casey wanted to tackle was to finally clear up the attic of their home. Casey and Bryce managed to get themselves a house with 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms before Louis was born. It has been their home ever since.
Casey takes a deep breath as she made her way to the attic, which is quite dusty. She recalled the last time she was here is to store some of Louis’s baby stuff which is either two or three years ago. Casey tries to find her way to the nearest light switch but failed miserably as she felt a strong pair of arms were wrapped around her, making her scream in fear.
‘Got you!’ Bryce cheered as Casey glared at her.
‘That is not funny Bryce!’ She crossed her arms at him.
‘Aw, I’m sorry.’ Bryce pleads with his puppy dog eyes which managed to make her smile.
‘You are lucky that I am your wife.’
‘Yep, I am glad you are mine.’ Bryce placed his arms around her waist and placed a small kiss on her cheek as she blushed from the action.
‘Okay, okay. As much as I love your display of affection towards me, we have a huge task in front of us.’ Casey gestures the room around her.
‘Cleaning the attic. Goodness, I never realized we have so much stuff in here.’ Bryce commented in disbelief as he took the surroundings.
‘I think most of the stuff was from Louis’s early days. Either that or it is the stuff from your apartment.’ Her eyes scanned the room towards the boxes that were stacked on top of one another.
Bryce and Casey decide to divide and conquer, as he was working on the right side of the room whilst Casey works on the opposite. She was digging through the boxes, feeling fascinated by each item she founds which includes, some of Louis’s early baby rompers which made her squeal in delight, some old knickknacks from their trips together, a box filled with holiday decorations that are needed to be set somewhere they can see for future use. After a long moment of examining every found item, Casey felt herself let out a gasp as she found a familiar box, which is sealed perfectly. She felt herself staring at it in disbelief, her hands shaking as she started to open it. There it was, the letters. Her letters from the past, some of the important events had taken place when she wrote each of the letters’. She felt herself staring at the letters, after all these years.
‘Cas? Should we throw out the old costumes from years ago?’ Bryce shouted from the other side of the room, but he didn’t get a response. He stands up from his spot and makes her way to Casey. She was seen sitting down on the floor still clutching those letters in her hands.
‘Hey Cas, you okay?’ Bryce took a seat beside her, as his eyes fall on her.
‘Yeah, I found these, and… it’s been a while since I have seen them.’ Casey gestures towards the letters that she uncovers.
‘These are the letters you mentioned before right? The one and I quote, you write during ‘special occasions’.’ Bryce added a quoted gesture as he took one of the letters from the box.
‘First Day at Edenbrook’ Bryce reads the words written on top of it, as Casey felt herself redden remembering her first kiss with Bryce at Donahue’s during her first day at the job.
‘That is one of the ‘special occasions’ I’m talking about, it’s the first day of me being a doctor; a special day for me. A start of something special.’ Casey said as her gaze falls towards Bryce who smiles at her, as he placed a kiss on her knuckles.
Casey tears the letter off and started to read it. As those words were rolled on her tongue, the memories flooded back in her mind as Bryce is listening to her every word.
Feb 29, 2019.
It is here, my first day working at Edenbrook! I am super excited that I couldn’t help myself smiling as I walk through the hospital halls after getting my ID. The doctor who was in charge named Dr. Ines Delorasa was super nice, and it helps me on easing my nerves a little. But, something unexpected occurred. There was an emergency happening in the lobby as a woman was suddenly unconscious. I felt the need to help, and one thing that flew through my mind is, the fact that my moment is happening. It’s right now, as I checked the woman’s vitals feeling a strike of nerve inside of me. I felt a presence and saw a male doctor who is looking a bit tense. I took a deep breath, before figuring out the situation which is a hemothorax after a few blank slate which I am not proud off. After all the commotion, my adrenaline was still pumping as the woman was brought into surgery. Honestly, I would never get tired of doing this for a career. Despite my heroic save, I managed to end up getting chewed by Dr. Ethan Ramsey and my scrubs were ruined on the first day.
‘And that’s how Casey Valentine meets the legendary Bryce Lahela in the locker room.’ Bryce winks at her interrupting her reading.
‘You still remember it?’ Casey questioned him, as the details from that day were crystal clear.
‘Of course, I was displaying this magnificent bod when we first meet and that’s where you fall in love with this…’ Bryce stood up and gestured his figure as she just shook her head with a light chuckle escaping her lips.
‘Whatever you say Bryce.’ She replied as she continues reading it.
It’s a good start for the day, sarcastically speaking. After changing into a pair of clean digs, I finally got a chance to meet my first patient, Annie! She was the sweetest, and somehow I am glad I got to keep her company for the day since somehow I felt alone in the job at the moment. We were talking but, the worst had happened; she falls unconscious. CODE BLUE. I felt myself getting anxious as I never expected it to happen, but honestly; the medicine world is full of mysteries. I panicked, and fortunately, Jackie was there able to help me recover Annie, which unfortunately lead me to be chewed again by Dr. Ramsey for the second time. Goodness at that moment, I wanted to quit so bad.
‘If you ever quit, us would never happen. That thought is mind-blowing.’ Bryce mimes a meme he saw online, where everything goes boom; mindblown.
‘Well, one almost felt like quitting after getting chewed by your medical hero. Not once, but twice.’ Casey sighed remembering her old days before, but she didn’t regret being called out. She learned from it and honestly, she wouldn’t be a good doctor without it. She quickly makes a mental note to thank Dr. Ramsey for it soon as she continues.
At that moment, the words from Dr. Ramsey sting as I make my way to the empty supply closet. I thought the myth of crying on your first day of work was something that only happens in tv shows but this is real. I sobbed my way through the moment when the door creaked open, it was one of the moments where I wished I could cast a spell and become invisible but nope, I had to face him. He sat beside me, as I wipe the tears away. We sat silently, as he started to ask. I told him everything because, at that moment, it felt right. And, he listened. One thing he said, had stuck to me today is ‘If you don’t give a chance to make mistakes to get better, nobody else will.’ It stuck with me until now, and it somehow helps. We ended up hugging, and well… one thing leads into another as I started to kissed him, and we ended up getting interrupted by Dr. Mirani, which is not my finest moment, unfortunately. But, it somehow felt like the start of something special, and that day where I start to trust magical beginnings or perhaps. Just magic, in the way life works.
Love,
Casey.
Bryce lets out a laugh as she finishes,
‘You sign your name for a letter that you won’t send?’
‘I am a classy lady, and signing a letter with my name makes it feel a bit more special.’ Casey sticks her tongue out at him.
‘Alright Mr.s Lahela, you know I never regret kissing you in the supply closet before…’ Bryce said with a smirk on his face.
‘I’m glad you don’t, after that moment… I somehow feel myself falling for you and let’s just say, I was silently waiting for more.’ Casey felt a blush crept on her face over her statement.
‘Don’t worry Cas, you got me for life. I can’t wait to tell Louis about how an incident brought his parents together. It would be one hell of a story.’ Bryce stated with a proud expression on his face.
‘It’s not an incident, I happened to face a lot of unfortunate events that day and somehow a miracle came thru and later become my very own husband.’ Casey places her arms around his waist pulling him into her embrace.
‘Here’s to all the unfortunate events that brought us together. That day, I somehow feel like you are something special and I am glad to be yours now, forever and always.’ He said as their foreheads were touching.
‘I am glad to be yours as well.’ They stood that way for a while as they remember how far they have come from their first encounter until an ecstatic shout brought them back to real life.
They heard footsteps coming up the stairs, as they glanced and saw Louis looking excitedly at both of them followed by an exasperated Keiki who is smiling as she is catching up with the energetic Louis Keili Lahela who resembles his mother, but at the same time inherit both Bryce’s beautiful brown eyes and smile.
‘Mom, dad! Aunt Keiki and I made a huge Lego tower! ’ His voice chimed through the attic leaving an echo.
‘I did most of the part, but the little guy is getting the hang of it.’ Keiki said with a wink as Louis ended up running away once more making her race towards him in a playful manor.
Casey and Bryce smile at the sight, as he pulled her into an embrace as they get back to work.
‘Duty calls.’ He said before going back to his position in the attic as Casey placed the letter back and smile at how far their journey had grown and honestly, it’s one of the best adventures in her life.
THE END.
A/N: Hi! I have a new fic, and I am pretty excited about this one! Its one of my favorite, and I really enjoy the concept. I think writing letters is a favorite aesthetic, I should call it? This idea has been flying in my mind for a while, so why not.Honestly, whilst writing this; i feel much better now and I guess I am feeling a bit happy too since my last fic (which is a few days ago, lol but it feels good now.) I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for reading it! - A
Tags: @soederberg ; @choicessa ; @mvalentine ; @storyofmychoices ; @dcbbw ; @bitchloveskcbaseball ; @n-whas ; @annekebbphotography ; @mrsbhandari ; @princess-geek ; @aylamwrites
#bryce x mc#bryce lahela#playchoices#open heart#open heart fics#casey valentine#bryce x casey#open heart second year#choices fics
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Stuck (1/?)
Warnings: Language, floofy fluff
Length: 4.6k
A/n: There was so much in this dream that was so specific to me so I made it x ofc. My job, my best friend, my tattoo, my first kiss, etc. It starts off slow but keep reading because it does pick up. I’m a little nervous about this one, not gonna lie! Please reblog and leave comments because that makes me smile! DO NOT POST TO ANY OTHER WEBSITE! Gifs are not mine.Smut will come in later chapters (most likely next chapter)!
Remember this dancing for later in the story!
The elevator doors opened on the second floor to reveal a woman wearing navy blue scrubs with long dark brown hair and the greenest eyes Sebastian had ever seen. She gave him a quick smile as she stepped inside. After she saw the ground floor button was already pressed she leaned against the wall and opened the book she was carrying. She doesn’t have her eyes glued on her phone like most people do and he is immediately intrigued. His curiosity intensifies when he sees that he has also read the book in her hands.
The elevator is working fine until it jerks and suddenly comes to a stop. She stumbled back and he reached to place his hand on her back so she wouldn’t fall. She dropped her book to reach out and grab on to his arm out of instinct.
“Are you okay?” he asked her.
“Um…yeah, thanks. We’re not moving anymore, are we?” she said still holding on to his arm.
“I don’t think so,” he said as he pushed a couple of buttons. None of them lit up and the doors stayed closed.
“Shit,” she whispered as she looked at her watch.
“Should I call for help?” he asked pointing to the phone in the elevator.
“Yeah, I think so.”
Sebastian pushed the elevator call button and someone from the hospital’s maintenance staff answered. They informed the two occupants that it could take anywhere from 1-3 hours to be rescued.
“I need to call my charge nurse,” Liv said more to herself than to Sebastian as she took her phone out of her pocket and dialed. “Hey Sam, it’s Liv. I’m stuck in the elevator and they said it could take 1-3 hours for me to get out…No, I’m not kidding…Yeah, I’ll keep you updated…Okay, bye.”
Liv took a deep breath and then sat down.
“Three hours? I really wish I would have brought my lunch today,” Liv said as she smiled and rubbed her stomach. “I’m gonna need you to distract me from my hunger."
"I can do that. I’m Sebastian," he said as he sat down against the opposite wall.
“Liv,” she said as he glanced at her ID badge with her name and RN proudly displayed.
“So did you always want to be a nurse?”
“Well, when I was a kid I wanted to be a marine biologist but that was going to be hard to do in Arizona you know, so I let go of that dream. Then in college I was just taking like normal pre req’s for pretty much anything and I saw a group of nursing students all hanging out in their scrubs and I thought, ‘Those look so comfortable. I could wear scrubs every day.’ And it turns out I love it so,” she said shrugging her shoulders.
“Wearing scrubs or being a nurse?”
“Both actually,” she said with a smile.
“They do look comfortable. What’s on your socks?”
She lifted her pant leg so he could read the whole quote which was ‘Carpe the fuck out of this diem.’
“Plain socks are just so boring,” she said eyeing his plain black ankle cut socks peaking out of his shoes.
“Yeah, well all my fun ones are in the laundry so…”
“Sure they are,” she said with a laugh and a smile.
"So you lived in Arizona? When did you move here?"
"I was 16. Are you from New York?"
"No, I was born in Romania, moved to Vienna for a little bit and then came here when I was 12."
“That’s so much more classy than Arizona,” she said with a laugh. “Do you still know Romanian or German?”
“Romanian yes, thanks to my mom.”
“Teach me something in Romanian.”
He thought for a moment and then said, “Zambetul tau este frumos.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means your smile is beautiful.”
“Well, thank you but I was thinking more along the lines of something I could say daily,” she replied with a laugh.
“Just thought I’d put that out there,” he said smiling. “What do you want to know?”
“How do you say fuck?”
“La dracu.”
“La dracu?”
He nodded his head yes.
“La dracu, la dracu, la dracu. I’m a strong believer you should know how to curse in more than one language. That way most people won’t know what you said.”
“They probably won’t. It’s not the most common language over here.”
"Do you miss Romania?”
“I don’t really remember what it was like to be honest. I was so young when we left, you know. I went back a few years ago for work and nothing looked familiar. ”
“I've never even been out of the US."
"If you could travel anywhere, where would you want to go?"
"Oh, I don’t know…Australia seems fun. Have you been there?"
"No, I have not. If we ever get out of here we should go," he suggested with a charming smile.
"Just let me know when you're free and I'll request time off.”
He jokingly pulled out his phone and started scrolling, then asked, “How is 2 weeks from today?”
“I need little bit more warning than 2 weeks,” she laughed. “What work sent you back to Romania?"
"I’m an actor and I was there for film festival," he said after taking a deep breath.
"Oh, wow! Been in anything I would have seen?"
"I don’t know. I really haven’t done that much. A few movies, a couple plays."
“Come on. If I looked you up, what would it say was your most successful role?”
“Probably Bucky from the Captain America movies,” he said while he rubbed the stubble on his chin.
“Why are you being so modest? That’s a big deal! Those movies are huge.”
“Yeah, well…..I don’t know,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders and brought his hand up to rub his right eyebrow.
"You know, I took my nephew to see Endgame but I had no idea what was going on. Like people were clapping and cheering and crying. I mean, it was like being at a football game with my family,” she laughed. “Were you in that one?"
He shook his head yes.
"Really?"
"And apparently my performance was memorable," he said as he dramatically wiped away an imaginary tear.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry!” she said bringing her hands up to cover her mouth. “There was so much going on. I barely retained anything!"
"I'm just teasing you. I had a pretty small part. And a wig.”
"Oh, I feel bad now! I’m sure you were great!"
"No, really I'm just kidding. Don't feel bad," he said placing his hand on her outstretched leg for just a second.
"Did you always want to be an actor? Like when you were a kid and stuff?"
"No, I went through an astronaut phase for a while."
“Just a phase?”
“Well, I mean I still think it would be incredible. I think it would be so cool to be up there floating in space and looking down at the earth, you know? Explore places nobody has been before.”
“Serious question,” Liv said and then paused for dramatic effect. “Do you believe in aliens?”
“Absolutely. Do you?”
“100%.”
“There’s no way we are the only living beings in the whole universe, you know?”
“Oh I completely agree,” she said sitting up straighter. “Do you think we are the smartest ones out there or the dumbest ones?”
“Maybe somewhere in the middle. I mean, we’re definitely not the smartest because well, look at the president,” Sebastian said rolling his eyes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get political. That just came out.”
“You shouldn’t apologize for speaking the truth,” she said giving him a smile that stopped his breathing.
Liv’s phone started buzzing on the floor between them and he noticed the caller ID said Hubby.
“You are not going to believe where I am,” she said into the phone.
“You’re stuck in an elevator. They floated me over to cover for you. You okay?”
“Oh, yeah I’m just sitting here with my new friend Sebastian. Talking about aliens.”
“Is he cute?”
“Actually, yeah,” Liv said darting her eyes to Sebastian. “And I think he can hear you because he is blushing now,” she said with a laugh.
“Take a picture and send it to me.”
“No, Alex I’m not going to take a picture.”
“Bitch, I said take a picture!”
“Goodbye Alex,” she said and then hung up the phone.
“Does your husband always call you a bitch?” Sebastian asked confused. “Sorry, I saw the caller ID.”
“He’s my gay/work husband and yes he does. Bitch is a term of endearment to him,” she explained while rolling her eyes.
“He’s a nurse too?”
“Yeah, we went to school together. You know what, he is actually a huge Marvel fan. Shit, I’m sorry but I am going to need a picture after all. I may not know who you are but I can guarantee you he does. Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” he said scooting over from the other side of the elevator so their backs were against the same wall. He would take any excuse to get closer to her.
“Okay, ready?” Liv asked shuffling closer and holding her phone up to take a selfie. They took 3 pictures total. One normal, one with funny faces, and one he snapped mid laugh after he picked up her phone when she dropped it. She had accidentally said, “Shit! I mean la dracula! No, wait that doesn’t sound right!”
The last one was his favorite. She had her eyes closed, head tilted slightly down and away from Sebastian with a huge smile while he looked at her with an adoring smile that crinkled his eyes. If someone saw that picture they would assume these two were a couple and hadn’t just met less than 30 minutes ago.
“Here you go,” he asked as he handed the phone back to her.
“Thank you. I’ll send one to him when you are safely away. If I do it now my patients might get abandoned for the second time today.”
“Do you-“
He was cut off by the elevator making a very strange screeching noise followed by a loud bang.
“That’s not super comforting,” Sebastian said looking up at the now blinking lights.
“No, it’s not.”
“Let’s keep the distractions coming,” he suggested.
“Why are you at the hospital? Oh shit, that’s probably too personal. Skip that one. Um…”
“No, it’s okay. I’m just here visiting a friend. He’s going to be fine.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Hey, I’ve always wondered this. How do you take a blood pressure?”
“Well, you put the cuff on and push the button on the machine,” she answered smiling.
He closed his eyes, tilted his head to the side and smiled. “I meant what are you listening for with the thing?” he said referring to her stethoscope.
“I know, I’m just being a smartass,” she laughed. “You pump the cuff up and watch the gauge while you slowly deflate it. You listen for when you hear the heartbeat and that’s the top number and then the bottom number is when the heartbeat disappears.”
While Liv was talking, she made a few hand gestures and he noticed a tattoo on her right wrist.
“What’s that?”
She pulled up the sleeve of her sweatshirt to reveal an angel made up entirely of delicate swirly lines.
“You have any?” she asked him.
“No. I think I would have a hard time deciding what to get, you know. And didn’t it hurt?”
“It’s not that bad after a night of partying in Las Vegas. Barely felt a thing.”
“That’s another place I have never been to.”
“You’ve never been to Las Vegas? Okay, first we go to Australia, then next is Vegas.”
“Can we go to Japan after? Always wanted to go there too.”
“Oh, yeah! Of course!”
Sebastian wondered why his dates never were as much fun as being stuck in an elevator with her. He could listen to Liv talk endlessly no matter the subject. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting out of the elevator and was wondering if he was a bad person for secretly hoping it would take longer than 3 hours for help to arrive. He barely knew her but he was already hooked.
---------
“Okay, I have a question. I’ve seen all these interviews of actors like talking about how weird it is to film kissing or sex scenes. Is it really that weird or do you secretly enjoy it?”
He tilts his head back and laughed.
“No, I wouldn’t say I enjoy them but some are less awkward than others. I kind of compare it to a first kiss. I mean, it can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable and you never know if you are doing it right like the director wants.”
“What was your first kiss like?”
“I’m pretty sure it was bad on my part,” he said with a laugh. “I was maybe 10 or 11. It happened with my neighbor on the way to school and she was a lot older than me.”
“You had game all the way back then? What happened?” Liv asked jokingly.
“I ask myself that all the time,” he said laughing. “What about your first?”
“I was 11 or 12 I think. My crush found a balled up piece of paper my friends and I were playing MASH on and he saw his name in the list of potential spouses. He walked right up to me and asked if I liked him and I said yes and then he kissed me.”
“What’s MASH?”
“You have never played MASH? Mansion, apartment, shack, house?”
“I’ve never even heard of that. What is it?”
“Oh my god, how have you gotten this far in life and never played MASH?” Liv asked as she reached in her pockets and pulled out some paper and her pen. “It’s totally stupid but we’re doing it.”
“It’s not like we don’t have time to kill.”
“Okay, so we need some categories. We need a spouse, occupation, number of kids, pet, where to live,” she said writing the categories down. “And we need 4 for each of these categories. We’ll do mine first so you can see how it’s done. You get to pick two for me for each category but I don’t get to see what you pick so you get to write. That’s how my friends and I did it anyways.”
“Okay,” he said taking the pen from her and ever so lightly brushing his fingers on her skin. “Spouse?”
“I like that guy from The Office. John Krasinski. He seems nice,” she said and then thought for a bit on her second choice while Sebastian wrote in his two picks. “Oh! My girl crush, Kristen Bell.”
“Okay, what about occupation?”
“Professional puppy namer.”
“I think if that were a real job, it would really suit you,” he said smiling.
“And koala wrangler.”
“Practice for when we are in Australia. Good thinking. Number of kids?”
“Eleven and 9.68.”
Sebastian finished writing in his picks and her answers to all the categories. The answers Liv gave him only made her more interesting to him. They were unique and fun, just like her.
“Okay so start drawing a spiral and I’ll tell you when to stop.”
He started to draw and then stopped and counted the amount of lines from the top to the bottom. He went through the all the categories marking out the answer he landed on each time he counted to that number until there was only one left for each category.
“Are you ready?”
“Yaaasss! I’m so ready!”
“Liv, you are a model married to me living in a shack on the moon with our 18 children and our pet alligator.”
“Oh, I love that! I’m a little bummed I’m not a professional puppy namer to be completely honest but I trust the MASH gods.”
“You are too beautiful to not be a model.”
“Look at you,” Liv said as she took the paper and pen he was handing her. “Maybe you didn’t use up all your game on your first kiss after all.”
“Maybe not. Is it working?” he said flashing his charming smile.
“Maybe a little bit. But we need to see who the MASH gods put you with.”
Liv wrote out the same categories for Sebastian and they went through filling each one out.
“Sebastian, are you ready to know your future?”
“I think so.”
“Sebastian you are stripper married to me. We live at the North Pole in a mansion with our 84 children and our pet three-headed lobster.”
“You put down stripper and 84 children?” he asked laughing.
“Yeah, I’m kind of regretting the 84 children. That part really sucks for me. But you must be a really good stripper to provide me and your children a mansion to live in. So thank you.”
“Well, I do what I can, you know?” he said with a little laugh. “It seems like the MASH gods think we should get together.”
“Yeah well they have also thought I should be with Lance Bass and that is obviously not going to happen.”
“You're not going to make this easy for me are you?”
“Where's the fun in making it easy?” she said with a mischievous smile.
He just smiled back at her, licked his lips and nodded his head. He liked a challenge.
---------------------------
The next 2 hours consisted of games and Sebastian’s shameless flirting. Conversation came easy and there were no awkward silences. She thought he was funny, extremely charming and handsome. He loved how confident she was and thought she was witty and sexy, even in scrubs. Well especially in scrubs. Liv had stood up at one point to stretch her legs and as she did his eyes went straight to her lower back where he noticed the top of her black lacy underwear peaking out of her low riding scrub bottoms. He only spent 30 minutes thinking about what kind of cut they were. Thirty minutes isn’t a lot of time right?
“Hobbies? What do you like to do?” Liv asked as she drew her line in connect the dots.
“Uh I read a lot, sometimes I write. Uh…go to the gym? Is that a hobby?” he looked up at Liv after his turn.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Um…you know, hang out with friends, make little short movies sometimes. You?”
“I do yoga or I go for a run almost every day. I go to Target at least once a week and just walk around. I don’t care what you say. That is a legitimate hobby.”
“You just walk around?”
“Yeah, and I buy shit I don’t need and will never use.”
“Oh, I do that all the time so add that one on to my list. What else?”
“Uh, I used to dance.”
“Really? Show me some moves.”
“No, not gonna happen,” she said with a small laugh. “I didn’t say I was good! Besides there’s barely enough room to slow dance in here.”
“Well then let’s slow dance,” he said standing up and offering his hand to Liv.
“I’m perfectly content playing connect the dots.”
“Please? Tell you what, we’ll play rock paper scissors. If I win, we are dancing. Two out of three,” he said kneeling down and putting his hands in position to play.
Liv took a deep breath and she placed her fist on the palm of her other hand. First round, rock beats scissors. Sebastian won. Second round, paper beats rock. Liv won. Third round, paper beats rock. Sebastian won.
He stood up, threw both of his arms up in victory and then offered his hand to Liv. She playfully rolled her eyes, then placed her hand in his and let him help her up.
“We need music,” he said pulling his phone out of his pocket.
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”
“Here we go,” he said as “Baby Got Back” started playing on his phone.
He started doing a dance move that showed just how much of a dork he was and Liv couldn’t stop herself from laughing.
“I’m kidding,” he said as the song turned off and “All My Life” started playing.
“That’s just on your everyday playlist?”
“No, I don’t think I’ve heard it since my prom actually,” he said wrapping an arm around Liv’s waist and the other out to hold her hand.
“Don’t move,” Liv said as she took his face in her hands and starred the stubble on his chin. “Oh, it’s just the new gray hairs you grew because this song is old as fuck.”
Sebastian tried to hold back a laugh but couldn’t. “You know, if I didn’t find you so incredibly fascinating, I would really be hurt by that comment,” he said faking being offended while he wrapped his arm back around her waist and then started leading the dance.
“I’m kidding!” she promised him while still laughing. “I actually like your gray patch. The whole salt and pepper hair look is sexy.”
He smiled and licked his lips. It was a habit he had that Liv found unbelievably attractive.
“So you think I’m sexy?”
“Not you. Just this little gray area,” she joked pointing to his chin.
“You like me and you know it.”
“So, your prom. Good memory?” she asked changing the subject.
He laughed at her changing the subject then said, “No, not really. I’ll be replacing it with this one,” he said as he spun her.
“What happened?”
“My date ditched me so I was standing there all alone watching everyone else dance.”
“What a bitch!”
“Like I said, I’ll be replacing that memory with this one,” he said looking down at Liv with a smile. “When is the last time you danced with someone?”
“That bad?”
“No, I’m just curious.”
“I think it was probably at my sister’s wedding 2 years ago.”
“Who’d you dance with?”
“One of the groomsmen. I’ll be replacing that memory with this one,” she said looking up at him.
Sebastian smiled and nodded his head. “See? It’s a good thing I’m making you dance then, huh?”
“There may be an upside.”
Sebastian spun Liv again and instead of continuing the dance he decided to dip her. She wasn’t expecting it and the movement made her grip onto him tighter. Their eyes were locked on each other as he brought her back up. He was leading the dance much slower now to the point where they were barely moving. He darted his eyes to her slightly parted lips and back up to her emerald eyes. Sebastian leaned in slowly and very lightly pressed his lips against hers.
The very moment their lips touched was mind-blowing. A blanket of warmth spread over both of them as they melted together. Her hand was gently grazing the back of his neck giving him chills. The rough feeling of his stubble against her face was surprisingly appealing. He was hopelessly addicted now and wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to stop.
Their lips were moving together like they were made for each other. What started off as a soft kiss eventually turned into a hungry kiss. Liv stood up on her tip toes (she was quite a bit shorter than him) desperately wanting to devour all of him. He bent his knees to dip down and tightened his embrace around her waist before lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist immediately, almost as if they had done this exact move before. He took 2 steps forward and that put Liv’s back against the wall.
If it weren’t for the elevator suddenly coming back to life they would probably still be wrapped in each other’s arms. Instead, the kiss came to an end as their lips left each other. With Sebastian still holding Liv up so that she matched his height, they looked at one another and laughed at how their day had taken such a turn when they both stepped into that elevator.
Liv rested her forehead on Sebastian’s shoulder for just a moment before unwrapping her legs around his waist. Moments later the elevator doors opened to a sea of firefighters and maintenance workers.
“Sorry that took so long. You guys okay?”
“Yes, no worries. We’re fine,” Liv said with a smile as she walked past the group.
“All good,” Sebastian offered while following her.
Liv took a few more steps toward the cafeteria and then turned around.
“We should do that again,” he said with a handsome smile. “Well, maybe not the stuck in the elevator part. Can I call you?”
“Sure,” she said returning the smile and taking his phone to put her number in it. When she looked up to hand his phone back to him she saw Alex walking towards her. “I’m so sorry for what is about to happen.”
“Huh?” he asked.
“Liv! You’re out! That fucking took forever!” Alex said as he finished walking towards her. “Is this the cute guy?” he asked as he turned around to face Sebastian.
“You must be Alex,” Sebastian said.
“OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD! Do you know who you are?” he asked Sebastian. “Liv, do you know who this is? This is the best day ever! Can I just tell you how amazing you are? Fuck you are so beautiful! You broke the elevator with your hotness didn’t you? Can I get a picture? I need a picture. Let’s take a picture.”
Liv was used to the way Alex spoke so fast when he was excited but she was surprised Sebastian was able to catch any of it.
“Yeah, sure.”
Liv took the phone out of Alex’s hands and took a picture for him.
“Oh my god, I’m touching the Winter Soldier,” Alex said while placing his hand on Sebastian’s chest. “It’s like touching a rock. Jesus Christ!”
“Okay, Alex. Let’s leave the poor guy alone,” Liv said as she removed Alex’s hand. “Thanks for distracting me. Is it weird to say I had fun?”
“No, I had a great time. And not just the last part. I liked the whole 3 hours. I’ll call you,” Sebastian said and then offered a handshake to Alex. “Nice to meet you.”
“You can call me too. I’m way more fun than Liv! Any day, anytime! Or we can text!” Alex offered.
“Bye,” Liv said as she pulled Alex away.
“What the fuck just happened? He’s going to call you? What ‘last part’ was he talking about? Did you have sex in the elevator?” he asked way too loudly in a public place.
“Oh my god! Shhhh! No!” she said walking into the cafeteria to quickly get something to eat.
Alex followed her around asking question after question as she walked around the cafeteria. He finally left her to be alone when she was going to take the stairs up to her floor.
Liv was relieved to have a moment alone. She sat down on the stairs and couldn’t stop herself from smiling. She felt giddy, like she was in high school again and her crush just asked her out.
He’s so cute. I can’t even, she thought to herself as she stood up and began climbing the stairs to her floor. I hope he doesn't turn out to be an asshole. Oh god, what am I worrying about? He’s probably not even going to call. Movie stars date movie stars, not nurses.
Just before she reached her floor she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. It was a text message.
Are you free tomorrow night? –Seb
She responded with a simple yes and a kiss emoji.
Can’t wait.
Part 2
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A Michigan pastor has been hearing a whole lot from the public recently after sending an email to journalist Sarah Jeong—which was then posted by Jeong on her Twitter account. In the email, the christian (with a little “c”) David Muns threatens Jeong with genital mutilation, calling her a “bitter Asian woman.” The entirety of his statement will be discussed below, and includes graphic language, but those are the broad strokes.
Muns was supposedly responding to a meme that attributed a fake quote to Jeong, from her time on The New York Times editorial board. Someone (or someones) spent a good amount of time coming up with some wildly awful things to say about white folks and white children, and then attributed them all to Jeong. These quotes were debunked back in 2018, but Muns, not much for reading deeply into things, clearly missed the memo.
The nasty email that Muns sent reads: “How about if we took all the little bitter Asian women and had a lottery and cut their clits like the Muslims do. Not a very classy position is it, neither is your trashy little bitter personality towards white men. Only in a world where journalism is controlled by brain dead Liberals do you people even have jobs.” He signs it “Muns,” and I guess we can forgive him the typos since the email also says it was sent from his iPad. He without sin and all of that.
Muns is the pastor at the Christian Life Church in Macomb Township, and is likely speaking in front of his flock as I write this (he reportedly holds services on Sundays at 10 AM and also on Wednesdays at 7 PM). According to ClickonDetroit, Muns has yet to apologize to Jeong for not only being a tremendous misogynistic racist asshole, but also for attacking her based on a fake quote attributed to her that said white men should be castrated.
Muns reportedly sort of didn’t apologize on Wednesday, saying “My response is terrible, but what I was responding to was simply reversed of exactly what she posted towards white men and I just reversed it and said, ‘How would you feel?’”
Well, not great. How about Muns aims some of that Christian fire and brimstone hatred for the people allegedly sterilizing immigrant women in the name of racism and medical malpractice, under the umbrella of our conservative-run government?
Muns hasn’t really apologized. He’s just said that he shouldn’t have “responded.” Responded to the fake meme? Responded to it if it had been real? It’s interesting for a person like Muns to be caught up in this situation. It’s very revealing. For one, he was wrong. The information he’s pushing out there is as incorrect as the information he’s sending back about “brain dead Liberals” controlling the media. We don’t. Brain dead liberals share the facts and the information that is readily available to anyone with a legitimately critical mind. Sure, the media is controlled mostly by moneyed interests, which includes religious interests.
That being said, Pastor Muns had to close down the church’s email account since people started sending him all kinds of emails after Jeong posted his statement publicly.
The reason Muns cannot sincerely apologize for saying such awful, un-Christian like things is because people like David Muns are running from the real darkness: themselves. I mean it is in the Bible. Just go check out Exodus 20:21.
His non-apology:
“Ms. Jeong ... I understand my email was off base, as I have been informed that it is not something you said. Ms. Jeong, when I read it and having prior knowledge to your position on the white race I just assumed it was an accurate post -- bad mistake. For months we have been juggling peace within our country between races and (with) pastoring an inter-racial church, that (post) just threw me over the top. My attempt to reverse the roles in my email was wrong and out of frustration and anger as I viewed the meme as gas on a fire.
"Yes I am human and should never have assumed it was true or gone to such extremes to make a point. My attitude was wrong and I believe a bit fueled due to what I’ve read of yours in the past. Again, a bad mistake. I am able to successfully pastor a mixed church because of my strong passion and beliefs that we’re all just humans living in different kinds of bodies trying to live life. When I saw the post that was fired at me in a taunting fashion, it hit my deepest nerve. I hope you receive my sincerest apologies and I truly hope you have grown beyond your frustration of us white folks as we are all works in progress.
"I apologize to your followers that have had to go through this as I know they love and respect you, as their anger demonstrates. Though I am never going to be silent on injustices, especially those of the race issue, I have surely learned to slow it down and cool the head before ever moving forward again. I hope you receive this apology as it is sent out of the sincerest of hearts.”
The Christian Life Church in Macomb also took down their website, but if you google them you can find a phone number to call and calmly request that they seek a new pastor. They open at 9:30AM Eastern.
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AWAE 1x5 rewatch: thoughts and reactions
Here I am again with another AWAE rewatch. Writing these takes longer than you might think, so I don’t know how regular I can keep those coming, but I’ll see what I can do. For the time being, let’s dive into another episode:
And this episode opens in the best way possible - with Shirbert’s first spelling scene. Little did we know how important those would become - although reading the books kind of gave us a hint of it. And yet, this is one of the added charms of this incarnation of the story.
I have to say Mr. Philips is not being subtle with the words he is giving them to spell.
And there goes Gilbert’s first skipped E - in the word engagement, no less. That letter was given a lot more emphasis here than in the source material, and I live for it.
“Anne, are you feeling alright?” Knowing what milestone Anne experiences later on in this episode, Anne’s discomposure probably has little to do with Gilbert’s effect on her. But who can ever know for sure? I have to say, this episode had one of the cold opens I call “gold opens”.
And there it goes - Anne’s dramatic reaction to her first period. Is this an appropriate time to complain about the lack of health ed kids get in this setting? I mean, she would not have reacted like this if she had been talked to about this and knew what to expect. I doubt anyone’s reaction would be any different if they didn’t know what periods were, woke up in pain one night and discovered they were bleeding. Also, Anne better not be soaking that thing in hot water, or else the stain is never coming out.
Anne’s “I’m not ready to be a woman” speaks so much to me. WARNING: intimate personal experience coming up. I remember my first period. I had just turned fourteen about a month prior, and I had pretty much stopped anxiously awaiting it after I had done so since they talked about it in health class when I was 12. So, when I went into school for a test one day 6 years ago - I was really sick so I only went in for the test in the middle of the school day - I was focusing on the material and on suppressing my sneezes so I wouldn’t spread the flu to others. I was not at all expecting to go into that test a girl and come back home a woman. Yes, I was in pain, but I thought it was the usual stress pains I would get during important tests amplified by my sickness. Anyway, so after that day, for years after, I would cry when I got my period and insist that “I am not a woman, I do not need this” and this emotion was so strong in me that it would result in progesterone deficiency and my period would skip for months and I would be on meds for so long. Then, when I was 17, I talked to a therapist about this and it turned out my refusing to accept I was a woman (as opposed to a girl, not that I was questioning my gender) was making my body try to suppress my womanhood. So yeah, it was tough. But I’m ok now and Anne’s reaction just brought out this personal memory. I’m sorry. Maybe I didn’t need to tell you all this, but it’s closely tied to my reception of this episode, so the way I see it I couldn’t go without it.
The way Marilla shooed Matthew out made me think. Was the existence of periods supposed to be kept a total secret from men at the time? Because that is not ok. Even today, there are a lot of men in the world, probably the majority of them, who don’t know the simplest thing about periods.Those are men who have mothers, sisters, girlfriends, daughters - they interact with women close to them and they at least need to know what to do and what not to do to make that time of the month easier for the women in their lives. But they don’t because nobody teaches them. This is just another part of making periods seem like a shameful thing that is to be kept secret at all times. And that’s not ok. But we’ll get back to that in future scenes.
While Anne is turning into a woman physically, Gilbert has to grow up too fast in a different way. What he has to go through with, and then without his father is just heartbreaking. Getting your period is a good and healthy, if unpleasant, way to grow up; losing your father - just the opposite.
Marilla cracks me up. “That explains all the children” is her hilariously deadpan response to Rachel saying she’d rather be pregnant. And I’m glad to see both women find it as hilarious as I do.
I’m even happier to see the girls at school are laughing together, too. However, things get serious quite suddenly. Apparently, Anne has just told them about her new maturity, so now they’re all sharing their experience. However, Ruby reminds me a lot of me in the same situation. Remember that health class I had when I was 12? It provoked a lot of discussion among us girls afterwards, and that was incredibly awkward for me because I was apparently the only one who didn’t have it yet. So yeah, I was Ruby in this situation, but I would go on to become Anne saying “Trust me, if I could give you mine, I would.” It reminds me of another personal story, and you’ll have to excuse me for telling it. A lot of my personal stories are coming out here, but I guess it’s the topic of the episode and there’s no way for me to comment on it without relating those stories. So, about a year ago when my 11yo cousin told me she’d gotten hers, I was in another one of my so-called “period-less periods” and I was seriously worried about my health. So, naturally, I was like “If I could take yours, I would.” Because, you know, it’s normal if you don’t have it at 11, but it is seriously concerning if you’re a 19-year old virgin going two months without her period. So, you see, I’ve been at so many points within the spectrum. Well, I’ll try to comment only on the episode from here on and not share my entire medical past.
“Nice boys never say people eat insects”. I quote that pretty much on a daily basis - every time someone mentions mnemonic devices. It’s hilarious. One of my university professors went out of her way to say those two words as many times as she could one time last year and I could not contain my laughter thinking of this quote, courtesy of Gilbert Blythe.
Anne acts just the way I do on my period - ok, I said no more personal details, but that barely counts. It’s just, Anne is so relatable. But also, when she says “Nothing appeals to me, Marilla” - I know what you need, Anne. You need chocolate. But did they have chocolate like we do?
My, I had forgotten this was when the raspberry cordial incident happens. This should be fun. And then heartbreaking. But it’s kinda fun in the long run, you know.
Wait, is Matthew going to order a puff sleeved dress for Anne? Is this that? I mean, it has to be since he rarely leaves Green Gables unless it’s for something really important. And if this is important to Anne, then you bet it’s also important to Matthew. You gotta love that man.
Of course Anne would be wearing the special ribbon Marilla Gave her. And of course she would invest all of her energy into that tea party. This is beautiful. Too bad one little mistake will have to ruin things...
Matthew is visibly uncomfortable amid the crowd in town, but he’s doing this for Anne and that means he has to do it, even if it’s out of his comfort zone. Even if Marilla might disapprove. The world needs more men like Matthew Cuthbert.
If Diana’s family had seen the manner in which Anne welcomed her to tea, they might have disregarded her mistake at the end, but alas, they didn’t. It was as classy and sophisticated as could be. The end was an innocent mistake.
Ok, but how funny would it be if the first bottle Anne picked up was actually the cordial she was looking for? That was kinda like putting down the correct answer on a test, then correcting it to the wrong one. I know I said it’s funny, but now that I put it like this, it’s just as upsetting as it has always seemed to me.
“Will you take me with you, you have to take me”... imagine Anne at finishing school. Just imagine.
Ah, yes, alcohol brings out the immature side of even the most dignified young ladies. There’s nothing like seeing Diana Barry, the poster girl for classy, shouting “Bosoms!” and giggling with her best friend. Her highly controlled young life finally saw a moment of blissful immaturity. What a pity it will end in tears.
I see Matthew has finally opened up - and of course he has, he is talking about Anne. He just loves her so much. Ever since I was first introduced to the books, I’ve always thought it’s such a wonderful mistake that Anne ended up with the Cuthberts. It made life better for them as well as for her.
Little Matthew reminds me a little bit of Cole - quiet and gentle, but, as Jeannie said, knows how to “make himself known”. And also I love them both with all my heart.
Oh my, so this is the reason Matthew had to leave school - because Michael passed away? I had forgotten. Well, thanks for breaking my heart a second time. But well, I brought this upon myself by deciding to rewatch the entire series.
“A dignified affair”... if Marilla could see them now. Well, it’s better off that she can’t yet. Things are going down as it is, just let the fun last a little longer.
And there we go. It’s like the whole world is falling apart. This is worse than that time in season 3 when Diana’s mother drags her away from the Baynard house. And both times it is just plain tragic because both Anne and the Baynards are beautiful, good people who are nothing but kind and loving to Diana, and yet her mother fails to see that anything else but what she has deemed appropriate for her daughter, can be good.
If Marilla thinks some pairs of boots are “a frivolous expense”, I can’t imagine how she would react to the dress Matthew ordered for Anne.
“I will never have another bosom friend” Well, no, you won’t have to, Diana. It might seem like it’s the end of the world now, but it won’t last. Then, of course, there will be that other time of separation, which, like the other parallel I drew regarding Diana’s mother forbidding her to fraternise with someone, has to do with Jerry. I don’t want to think about that one, but, you know - just like this one, that, too, was fixed within the next episode. Also, based on this scene, I totally see why people ship them. I mean, it lowkey reminds me of Rapunzel and Cass in the TTS finale. You should watch that show if you haven’t btw.
Yes, Anne, life is so unfair, but not to you right now. To Gilbert. He’s losing his father. Forever. You just lost a friend for a little while. But of course, Anne knows neither one of those things. Life really is unfair, isn’t it?
“What wonderful red hair”, “I’ve heard nice things about you.” These must be some of the nicest things an adult who is not Matthew or Marilla has said to Anne in a long while. I wonder how that made her feel. If I were Anne, Gilbert’s father would have just made my day.
“Give my kind regards to Marilla” These words, coming from John Blythe, mean more than Anne and Gilbert can imagine. They mean more to me now that I’m watching this episode for the second time. That is why I love rewatches.
“Fair and square” Another Shirbert moment that would go on to become iconic. In a way, this whole episode is.
I see that, for once, Anne is putting her heart into her needlepoint. And not just hers, but, as it seems, Diana’s, too. She’s literally embroidered the words “kindred spirits” between two connected hearts. It’s beautiful. And sad to think that, as far as they know, they can never speak to each other again.
“I’ve come to realise that there are far bigger worries in the world” - is Anne referring to what Gilbert is going through with his father? Probably. I mean, being an orphan and going from one abusive household to another, Anne has probably never really had a relative to worry about. So she likely never even thought about how Gilbert feels taking care of his ill father until she saw it with her own eyes. This is why she won’t know how to properly react when John Blythe is gone.
So, I was wondering what Jerry’s role in this very much iconic episode would be, and there it is - he will be the one to take the boots back and bring home Anne’s special dress. And return the button to Jeannie, of course. This is definitely a special part. And Jerry delivered - both figuratively and literally in this particular case.
Anne’s face seeing the big box on her bed is priceless. The moment she sees the dress inside - even more so. What is a moment of “frivolous expense” and “vanity” to see her dream come true. And, just like that, the Cuthberts are a happy family.
In this episode, we saw: Shirbert’s first spell-off with Gilbert’s first skipped E; Anne’s first period, commented on with a lot of personal details about mine; a memorable mnemonic device; the development of John Blythe’s illness; a sassy Marilla moment and the reason behind all of Rachel Lynde’s pregnancies; Matthew orders a puff sleeved dress for Anne and is reunited with an old... friend in the process; Anne invites Diana to tea with disastrous results; the (temporary) tragic end of a beautiful friendship; Anne is older and wiser; Jerry delivers an important package; a happy ending to a tough week for Anne.
#anne with an e#anne with an e season 1#awae#awae season 1#renew anne with an e#renew awae#jnk watches awae#anne shirley cuthbert#gilbert blythe#diana barry#jerry baynard#matthew cuthbert#marilla cuthbert#rachel lynde#ruby gillis#jane andrews#josie pye#tillie boulter#in matthew we trust
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Ruining KISStory: A Filthy, Filthy Story About Benjamin Franklin
So in celebration of surviving my French midterm (my anxiety over it was through the roof for some damn reason), I decided I would post this crazy little thing for y’all! So in like, actual real life, Shane for a while did his own show called Ruining History, which I totally recommend for you guys to actually watch. So this is a spinoff of my KISS Unsolved AU, appropriately named Ruining KISStory (a name I’m super fucking proud of actually XD), in which our resident Queen of the Trolls Paul Stanley gives us his own creative spin on historical events. And yes, it’s going to be just as chaotic as Unsolved lol. Here’s the link to the original episode if you want to watch that first.
And now, without further ado, enjoy!
Tag list: @cosmicrealmofkissteria @ashestoashesvvi @kategwidt @retronova
[camera opens on Paul, who is sitting at a panel. A map of the world is hung up behind him. The sound of tuning violins plays in the background]
PAUL: Some people think history is boring. But I think Benjamin Franklin might have been in some weird sex parties!
[intro, then title card. Grand orchestra music plays in the background]
[cuts back to the panel; the shot has been widened so the entire panel is visible. From left to right: Vinnie, Gene, Paul, Eric C., Tommy. Labels showing their names come up on screen]
PAUL: So what do you guys know about Ben Franklin?
VINNIE: … Kites!
ERIC: Ethics?
TOMMY: Oh! He used the kite and a key and discovered electricity!
GENE: Oh yeah, we learned about that in school.
PAUL: Pretty sure every school tells that story.
GENE: He also helped Nicholas Cage find treasure.
PAUL: [gives him a withering look before turning away] Okay. [Tommy laughs]
[screen cuts away to a title card:
CHAPTER I:
THE AMERICAN OVERACHIEVER
screen then cuts to animations as Paul narrates, while inspiring music you would hear in a film set during the American Revolution plays in the background]
PAUL [voiceover]: Born in 1706, Benjamin Franklin is often thought of as the model American citizen. Throughout his life, he was… well, he was a lot of things. Seriously, a lot of things.
[a list of text boxes appears on screen next to a picture of a statue of Benjamin Franklin:
POLITICIAN
AUTHOR
SCIENTIST
CIVIC LEADER
POSTMASTER
MEDIA MOGUL
INVENTOR
DIPLOMAT
I COULD KEEP GOING BUT YOU GET IT]
PAUL [voiceover]: Beyond all that, though, he seems like the kind of guy you wouldn’t mind having a drink with. But, if you did spend some quality time with Ben Franklin, things might get weird.
[cuts back to panel; Vinnie looks intrigued]
VINNIE: By weird, do you mean [waggles his eyebrows] weird or just eccentric-weird?
PAUL: I mean [waggles his eyebrows] weird.
ERIC: [looks a little nervous] Oh no… I really liked Ben Franklin as a kid.
GENE: Well, he’s gonna ruin the history books for ya, Eric.
TOMMY: Oh is that why it’s called Ruining History?
PAUL: Yep!
TOMMY: Nice, I like that.
PAUL: Thank you. [cuts back to animation sequence]
PAUL [voiceover]: In the years during and after America’s fight for independence, Franklin spent much of his time serving as a diplomat in Europe. And it’s a good thing he did. Author Walter Isaacson has argued that America wouldn’t have won the war without Franklin’s excellent diplomacy in France. It wasn’t all politics, though. At the time, Paris was regarded as one of the most cosmopolitan cities at that time in history. And a wave of cultural enlightenment paired with a strong economy gave the upper class the means to… well… [music intensifies] have many crazy, crazy, crazy… crazy nights…
But we’ll get to that in a second! Franklin seemed to find himself right at home in this environment. To give an idea of his bohemian life abroad, here’s a curious morning routine he picked up during his time in France.
GENE: I bet it was, powder on the balls. [Eric laughs]
PAUL: [snickering] Powder the wig, powder the balls.
TOMMY: Powder the balls, get out on the street, and do something! [Vinnie laughs]
PAUL [voiceover]: While writing to a friend of his, Franklin described his habit of taking what he called “air baths.” Quote, “I rise almost every morning and sit in my chamber without any clothes whatever, half an hour or an hour, according to the season, either reading or writing. The practice is not in the least bit painful, but on the contrary, agreeable.”
[cuts to the left side of the panel. Gene looks uncomfortable, while Vinnie just gives a raised eyebrow]
GENE: I don’t know what it was about how people wrote during this time, but describing sexual acts in this kinda language makes it dirtier than it actually is.
PAUL: There’s nothing sexual about this.
VINNIE: There’s no sexuality here, Genie, your mind is just dirty.
TOMMY: Yeah, he’s just sitting around his house naked.
VINNIE: I mean if the hand just happens to fall…
GENE: Vinnie, I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but guys���we don’t just jerk off on accident!
ERIC: I mean… I have no idea how to respond to that.
PAUL: I think some guys do.
TOMMY: Peter does.
PAUL: [raises an eyebrow at him while they all turn to stare at Tommy] … How do you know that?
ERIC: I could’ve gone my whole life without hearing that. [cuts back to the animation sequence]
PAUL [voiceover]: Franklin’s social calendar in Europe was full of invites to gluttonous but incredibly classy all-night ragers, where his status as an American statesmen made him a pretty interesting guy. The women of France allegedly couldn’t get enough of him. One account describes hundreds of women surrounding him, placing a beautiful wreath upon his head, and lining up to kiss him.
ERIC: That didn’t happen… right?
PAUL: [shrugs] I dunno, it could have happened.
VINNIE: That sounds like something you would do to your old grandpa, though.
[silence. Everyone on the panel turns to stare at Vinnie in confusion]
TOMMY: What?
GENE: So you’re saying, at family gatherings—
VINNIE: No! I’m just saying, that doesn’t seem like something you’d do to someone you wanna get with. Like, would you put a funny hat on them? No. [silence] I’m just saying, you guys!
[cuts back to animation sequence]
PAUL [voiceover]: Ben’s home life was, according to accounts, equally spicy. When famous painter Charles Willson Peale paid Franklin a surprise visit one afternoon, he spied the elderly diplomat with a young woman seated on his lap. [cuts to a sketch showing a man with a woman on his lap] This sketch of his is believed to depict the two. Kinda weird that he would sketch that, but hey.
[cuts to the panel; everyone is looking at their own copies of the sketch]
GENE: She seems to have a pretty good grip on his balls.
TOMMY: That’s a, a vice-like grip there.
VINNIE: They’re still wearing pretty much everything.
ERIC: Did you guys notice their eyes? Their eyes are open and they’re just staring at each other.
PAUL: Yeah, their eyes are pretty striking.
VINNIE: Yeah…
ERIC: They’re kissing, but it’s, it’s a little unnerving. Wonder why the guy would sketch this…
PAUL [voiceover]: Some historians have evaluated Ben Franklin’s habit of charming the elite women of Europe as a strategic ploy, suspecting that he hoped that they would speak favorably of Franklin and his case for American liberty to their policy-making husbands. But many others argue that he was just a vulgar old man. Author Albert Henry Smith wrote that Franklin’s, quote, “animal instincts and passions were strong and rank.”
VINNIE: [looks mildly disgusted] Well that’s descriptive.
GENE: [snickering]: Y’know, good old animal Ben.
PAUL: An animal…
GENE: Hey, hey: I’m an animal.
PAUL: [stares for a second, then smiles] Ah!
GENE: Ah! [high-fives Paul]
ERIC: Wait, if he was born in… when was he born?
PAUL: 1706.
ERIC: If he was born in 1706… then how old was he when all this was happening?
PAUL: He would have been… probably between his late 60s and early 70s.
[Eric’s face looks very shocked, slowly contorting into disgust]
TOMMY: Oh man, he was as old as my grandpa!
GENE: [shrugs] Hey, if it still works… [cuts back to animation sequence]
PAUL [voiceover]: Based on Franklin’s party-animal-rock-star lifestyle, it makes sense that he would be in the same social circles as some of Europe’s more notorious scoundrels; and so he was. So let us now turn our attention to a man whose life would soon intersect with Franklin’s: Sir Francis Dashwood.
VINNIE: [snickering] Very English name. [mock British accent] Sir Francis Dashwood!
[screen cuts away to a title card:
CHAPTER II
THE FANCY ENGLISH SEX MAN
lighthearted music plays]
PAUL [voiceover]: Born in 1708, Sir Francis Dashwood was the only heir of a wealthy merchant. He’s perhaps best summed up by one author’s description: “An enormously rich man with a genius for obscenity.” Dashwood’s primary interests were seemingly set in stone when in his formative years, he embarked on his Grand Tour, a traditional rite of passage during which wealthy young men traveled through Europe on a cultural odyssey. As Dashwood’s tutor put it, he, quote, “fornicated his way across Europe.” In one instance, he even seduced the Empress of Russia while claiming to be Charles the Twelfth of Sweden, a man who was, at that point, dead.
TOMMY: Wait, did she not know Charles the Twelfth was dead?
PAUL: I mean, if she got fooled by this guy, I’m pretty sure she had no idea.
VINNIE: This was the era before email and the Internet, so word traveled pretty slowly. Also, [laughs] I love how his tutor says he pretty much fucked his way across Europe.
GENE: Wonder how he got her to sleep with him…
ERIC: I don’t think we need to know the details, Gene.
GENE: Maybe you don’t.
PAUL [voiceover; tense music plays]: These travels also inspired Dashwood’s fascination with sacred rituals of the past. He wasn’t really a fan of the religious institutions of his day, but he was simultaneously fascinated with Europe’s rich history. So when he wasn’t womanizing, he was sauntering through dusty catacombs lined with mummified corpses, or sitting in old Roman ruins imagining the orgies of the past. So it’s this odd mutual appreciation for debauchery and sacred history that would lead to Dashwood’s crowning achievement and ultimately his friendship with Ben Franklin: the Friars of St. Francis of Wycombe. Or, as it was more popularly known…
[music reaches a climactic peak as the name appears on screen over burning flames. Paul reads the name]
THE HELLFIRE CLUB!
GENE: Oh shit.
VINNIE: That sounds awesome.
PAUL [voiceover]: Dashwood’s Hellfire Club was meant to attract the most depraved and intellectual men of the time. And over the course of its history, its lineup would allegedly include such notable men as the Prime Minister of England, the Lord Mayor of London, several of England’s greatest artists and poets, the Prince of Wales, and possibly, as evidence would strongly suggest, Ben Franklin. See, Dashwood was publicly known to sympathize with the cause of the American rebels, and he had exchanged letters with Franklin many times. Furthermore, Franklin actually visited Dashwood’s estate at West Wycombe for an extended period in July of 1772, and during his stay, there is a record of a club meeting taking place. According to one author, quote, “there seems to be no reason why Franklin should have gone to Wycombe at this special time unless he was a member. Only club members were allowed at Dashwood’s estate during club meetings.” So, keeping in mind Franklin’s likely involvement, let’s look at what he would have encountered during his visits with the Friars of St. Francis of Wycombe.
The members of the club reportedly donned white monk’s robes, and were each allowed to invite along, quote, “a lady of a cheerful, lively disposition, to improve the general hilarity.” These women also dressed up, wearing nun’s robes and masks to avoid an embarrassing run-in with a husband or acquaintance.
GENE: This is some freaky stuff.
VINNIE: [looks enthralled] This is awesome.
TOMMY: Eyes Wide Shut…
PAUL: [nods] Yep.
PAUL [voiceover]: The first location of the Hellfire Club was on the shores of an island in the Thames River. Shrouded in a thick grove of elm trees, the island was the perfect location for the not-monks to spend an evening with their dates away from the prying eyes of the public. It was also ideal because it was home to the crumbling remnants of an old medieval ruin built in 1160 known as Medmenham Abbey. Dashwood actually set about reconstructing the site, but since he had a flair for the dramatic, he asked that it still resemble a creepy old ruin. But he did install a few upgrades:
A series of stained glass windows depicting the club members in, quote, “indecent poses.”
A brilliant pornographic fresco that John Wilkes, who wasn’t known to shy away from vulgarity himself, described as, quote, “unspeakable.”
And an expansive library stocked with classical literature as well as, quote, “the finest collection of pornographic books in Great Britain.”
PAUL: So to help us get more immersed in what went down at a club meeting, I’ve provided for all of you the proper tools.
[everyone looks under the table and takes out boxes. In the boxes are black robes, 1700s-style hats, some with feathers sticking out, and Venetian masquerade masks that are black and a different color. Vinnie has black and gold, Gene has black and red, Paul has black and purple, Eric has black and orange, and Tommy has black and blue]
GENE: [as they’re all putting on their costumes] Man, you really went all out, didn’t you?
PAUL: Oh, just wait.
ERIC: I will say, I do feel more immersed in the experience now.
TOMMY: This is pretty awesome.
PAUL: Okay, now that we’re all dressed up, let’s get into the juicy stuff!
VINNIE: [looks incredibly excited] I can’t wait.
GENE: [laughs] You look so excited.
VINNIE: Because I am. [bangs rhythmically on the table] Get to the juicy stuff, Paulie!
[screen cuts to a title card:
CHAPTER III
THE DEBAUCHERY BEGINS
slow, tense music plays and animations show events as Paul narrates]
PAUL [voiceover]: In the cover of night, the hooded monks and their dates would arrive to the island on a red gondola. Stepping ashore, they were greeted by the far-off drone of the abbey’s organ and the ringing of a ghostly church bell. Outside the abbey, they’d come upon an ominous statue of Harpocrates, the Egyptian god of silence. [a statue of Harpocrates is shown with a finger over his lips, and a voice that sounds like Paul’s whispers “Shhhhhhut the fuck uuuup…”]
Once inside the abbey, Dashwood would pour his guests a special cocktail of brandy and brimstone, and they’d all raise their glasses in a toast to the powers of darkness.
VINNIE: This sounds fucking a-ma-zing! I love theme parties, and this is just, just fucking amazing. I wouldn’t stay for the sex, though.
GENE: You’d just be there for the theme part?
VINNIE: Yeah, I’d do all this, then when they start doin’ it, I’d just duck out.
PAUL: Also, before we continue, I was actually able to, to make this more immersive… [reaches under the table and pulls out a bottle of wine]
VINNIE: Ooooh, nice!
TOMMY: Is it the brandy and brimstone cocktail?
PAUL: [laughs] Heh, no, it’s not, it’s just wine. I also have… [reaches under the table and pulls out five silver ornate goblets] these babies! [passes them out]
ERIC: [looks over his in fascination] Wow, these are awesome! Where’d you get these?
PAUL: [laughs] The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. [Eric laughs]
GENE: Oh yeah, you took Erin there for her birthday a while ago.
PAUL: Yep, and I got these. [they all pour wine into their goblets and raise them in a toast] To Ben Franklin and the Hellfire Club!
PAUL [voiceover]: With the striking of a gong, the monks would move further into the abbey and file into the chapel. Here, it is suspected they practiced a black mass, in which a woman laid naked on the altar and the monks proceeded to drink sacrificial wine from her navel.
ERIC: We’re not doing that, are we?
PAUL: Oh no, we’re not doing that.
ERIC: Okay…
GENE: [laughs] Disappointed, Eric?
ERIC: No, I just—fuck you, man.
TOMMY: Would’ve been interesting.
PAUL [voiceover]: Now I should say, since I know you’re all wondering, it’s generally thought that the members weren’t actual Satanists, despite all these weird rituals. Some members actually found this aspect pretty boring. John Wilkes actually found the rituals so dull, that he once dressed up a baboon as a demon… bear with me… he locked it in a trunk, and he stowed it in the abbey. Then, when the members called upon Lord Satan to appear, Wilkes pulled a string to release the frightened animal. For a moment, the members stared in disbelief…
… And then they lost their minds.
[music grows chaotic as the animation shows the baboon leaping over terrified figures while screams are heard] The terrified baboon leapt onto Lord Sandwich—yes, that Lord Sandwich, the guy who invented the sandwich—causing him to allegedly shout, “Spare me, gracious devil! I never knew that you’d really come or I’d never have invoked thee!”
[cuts back to the panel, all of them laughing]
VINNIE: I love how, even among this weird society, there was that one guy who was like, “This society is dull!”
PAUL: Also, after this happened, the baboon jumped out the window, and they weren’t able to catch it.
GENE: [laughing] That’s hilarious.
ERIC: [laughs and waves] Bye, suckers!
TOMMY: Bye, Felicia!
PAUL [voiceover]: As the alcohol continued to flow, the monks and their guests might share dirty stories, or read from the era’s more popular works of pornographic literature.
PAUL: I’ve provided you all with a piece of pornography. These are all from a piece published in 1740 called, “A Dialogue Between a Married Lady and a Maid.” So without further ado, [gestures to Vinnie for him to begin] Vinnie?
[dramatic piano music plays as Vinnie starts to read, looking like he wants to laugh]
VINNIE: “There is between the thighs, just at the bottom of the belly, a piece of flesh… Underneath, hangs in a bag, or purse, two little balls, pretty hard, and the harder the better. They call them stones, and in them is contained that white thick liquor.” [he wheezes, then bursts out laughing, joined by Tommy]
GENE: “He took hold of that place which distinguishes us from men. At the same time he cried out, ‘O! I have a maid! A virgin to my share!’”
VINNIE: I love that they seemed to not know the exact words. [laughs]
PAUL: Well, it was a different time. They were more prudish, I think.
VINNIE: True. I’ve seen some stuff online that’s pretty vulgar. There’s this one person online who likes pugs that writes some naughty, naughty stuff. [looks at the camera smirking] You know who you are. I see you.
ERIC: Okay, my turn. “His member was stiff and hard as a horn. Just as he had finished…” oh God, why? “… my mother, who had heard me shriek, came into the room.”
TOMMY: “‘What a happy girl you are!’ said she. ‘Pluck off this smock, which I will keep for a relick, since it is stained with thy virgin’s blood.’”
GENE: [to Vinnie] I feel like we got the lesser of the four passages.
VINNIE: I dunno…
ERIC: You did! Mine and Tommy’s were pretty explicit. You just got a playful description of balls!
VINNIE: Hey, that’s pretty tame compared to some of the smut that’s out there today.
GENE: Fifty Shades of Grey? [Paul frowns and glares at Gene as the rest of the panel silently stares at him] … What?
PAUL: How dare you. [Tommy laughs] How dare you bring that crap into my show. [cuts back to the animations]
PAUL [voiceover]: With bellies full of drinks and minds full of smut, guests would start to pair off and retreat to any of the private cells, which were prepared and stocked with the, quote, “proper objects for lascivious activities.”
[cut back to the panel. Eric is slumped over the desk]
PAUL: [looks over in slight amusement] You okay there, Eric?
ERIC: I just… I don’t even want to know what they got up to.
VINNIE: [grinning and trying not to laugh] It seems pretty obvious to me what they got up to.
ERIC: I don’t want to—
VINNIE: [still grinning] They got some of that dirty rhythm.
GENE: [also grinning] They indulged in some sweet pain.
ERIC: Gene, no—
TOMMY: [just assume everyone is grinning widely] They went for a rocket ride.
PAUL: They rocked hard all night.
GENE: Took each other down below.
ERIC: Guys, c’mon—
VINNIE: Got some tough love.
TOMMY: Pulled the triggers of their love guns.
PAUL: Put the X in—
ERIC: STOOOP!
PAUL [voiceover]: After operating in secret for many years, the details of the Hellfire Club at Medmenham Abbey were recounted in a popular novel in 1760. It captivated the public’s imagination, to the point that tourists would line the shores to try and spot the sex monks arriving. But, not wanting to give up his elaborate sex parties, Dashwood bounced back by having an elaborate system of caves dug on his own private property a few miles away from the abbey, and it was here that the monks of the Hellfire Club continued to have their parties in total privacy. This new location, and the fact that it was gated from the public and accessible only to club members, lends further plausibility to Ben Franklin’s participation. As he once wrote in a letter, “The exquisite sense of classical design, charmingly reproduced at West Wycombe, is as evident below the earth as above it.” Author Daniel Mannix argues that Franklin’s letter must be referring to the underground caves, and also adds that, quote, “Franklin would have been shortsighted if he hadn’t joined the club. He was a diplomat trying to help his country, and the club gave him the entrée to some of the most influential men in England.”
But as the guest lists for secret societies are kind of hard to figure out, we will never know for sure if Ben Franklin really did attend the Hellfire Club. But his documented friendship with Dashwood and his time spent at the estate puts it well within the realm of possibility. And, if you’re left wondering if a sex club fits with Franklin’s moral compass, then let’s take one last look at the man’s true character with some passages from an infamous piece penned by Franklin himself titled, “Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress.” This is a letter in which Ben Franklin encourages his friend to go after older women. It was written in 1745, a copy of it sits in the Library of Congress, and it’s kind of gross.
PAUL: And here to read us the letter, through the magic of theatre… [he turns and gestures off camera] Mr. Benjamin Franklin!
[the panel applauds and whoops, then they all start laughing as Ace walks in with a chair, dressed in 1700s style clothing with a wig that is long grey hair sewn to a bald patch, but we can still clearly see his real hair underneath. A text box appears on him as he sits down between Paul and Eric:
NOT A LICENSED BEN FRANKLIN IMPERSONATOR]
ACE/BEN: Tis I, Benjamin Franklin! Who by some extraordinary means, has come to a strange future time!
VINNIE: [has a hand over his mouth while he’s laughing] This is amazing.
PAUL: So, Ben, we’ve learned a lot about you and some possible details concerning your personal life.
ACE/BEN: Okay.
PAUL: But we still have a few questions. Guys?
VINNIE: Why did you enjoy the company of older women?
ACE/BEN: [reads from his paper] “Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stor’d with observations, their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.” Wouldn’t you say?
VINNIE: [shrugs and nods] Yeah, I guess.
GENE: Wasn’t he like, 70 years old when he wrote this later? How is he so young right now?
ACE/BEN: “Because the sin is less—”
PAUL: No, wait—
ERIC: [bursts out laughing]
PAUL: You have to ask him. He’s—He’s an old man.
ACE/BEN: I’m old.
GENE: Ben?
ACE/BEN: Go ahead, son.
GENE: Why do you prefer the company of older women?
ACE/BEN: “Because the sin is less,” my dear boy. “The debauching a virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy.”
ERIC: Huh.
GENE: Deep.
TOMMY: Do you have any more reasons?
ACE/BEN: Uh, yeah. [takes out another sheet of paper while Tommy and Eric silently laugh] “Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part. The face first grows lank and wrinkled; [cut to the left side: Gene is doubled over silently laughing while Vinnie is listening thoughtfully] then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever. So that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one.”
PAUL: So… you’re saying, when you put a basket over their heads…
ACE/BEN: Yeah. I don’t know. [panel bursts out laughing]
VINNIE: You don’t know?! You wrote it!
ACE/BEN: History will tell. History will tell.
PAUL: I, uh, I think history has told. Do you have any final thoughts?
VINNIE: It was a different time, maybe stuff happened that you couldn’t do nowadays.
TOMMY: He got pretty freaky.
ERIC: I mean, it would be a pretty cool movie, but I wouldn’t really want to hang out with him.
PAUL [voiceover]: Well, there you have it, people! Ben Franklin; a surprisingly multi-faceted individual. History: it’s never that boring if you know where to look. That’s been Ruining History. Thanks for learning with us!
#kiss unsolved#ruining kisstory#this episode was short enough that i could post it all at once without having to break it up into parts#which is great because i really don't like having to do that#but anyway#yep#I thought of this like way back in december but never got around to writing it until quite recently#there's also one on darius the great that i really wanted to do but thought it would make more sense to do the pilot episode#also Ash if you're reading this: yes that was a callout XD#hope you guys enjoyed this crazy thing#because i really enjoyed writing it lol#all those sex jokes had me cracking up#kiss au writing#my writing#thanks for reading!
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Fictober - Day 17 - “an honest muttonhead”
Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1867
Rating: General Audiences
Prompt: “There is just something about them/her/him.”
Unbeknownst to him, Cleos is the third wheel in a ridiculous road trip. His wife helps him through it.
(read on ao3)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Cleos Frey had never been a saint, but he was sure he did not deserve this punishment.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" His cousin, Jaime, said from the back seat. "Of course the Warrior would beat the Maid. It's right there in the name."
The gigantic woman in the passenger's seat exhaled with resignation. Brienne Tarth, she was called. Another employer of Catelyn Stark's. Reliable, strong. She’d been his manager for the past months, and Cleos liked her. Not the least because she’d also done an enviable job of ignoring Jaime’s constant japes. At least, until he managed to get under her skin.
"You're bypassing the fact," Brienne explained in a tired tone, "that the Warrior cannot harm the Maid. She's an innocent. But if she asked him to fight for a just cause, he could even get killed. She’d win any fight between them."
"But the Warrior cannot die!"
"But that’s not the point!"
Mother have mercy.
Cleos hadn't seen Brienne upset by anything until Jaime arrived to the Tully headquarters to oversee their negotiations with Tywin Lannister. Purchasing company branches was a merciless bloodbath, and Jaime had been sent to do what he did best—to rail people up until they yielded.
Jeyne help , Cleos texted his wife as soon as he got signal. They were waiting for Jaime to return from taking a leak in the woods. He’d insisted, despite the pouring rain.
What is it?
I’m this close to put myself in front of the car. Miss u.
Miss u too. It's Jaime, just tell embarrassing stories re him as a kid. Thats how genna shuts him up
Cleos glanced up at Brienne, who was also frowning and tapping on her phone.
Its nit just him , he typed back.
The girl too?
They nvr stop fighting
Rlly?
Its exhausting. Like Ty and Will
At that moment, Jaime closed the door with a self satisfied smile.
"All good, coz," he said ruefully, shaking his umbrella in an obnoxious way. "Let's go."
Cleos glanced at Brienne, who nodded her approval, and he started the engine.
-------
This whole excuse of a road trip had been Jaime's idea. Cleos had said it was a ridiculous notion, with the weather they’d last the Seven knew how long. But Jaime had argued back. Flights had been canceled due to the storm, but by car it'd only be 7 hours to King’s Landing. "Shorter than waiting for the storm to blow over," Jaime had smiled. "We all win."
Yeah, right . Cleos had begun to wonder if he was trapped within one of the gods’ big jokes.
"Everyone knows that a blade blunts after hitting bone," Brienne was saying, raising her voice over the rain outside. "So a sword is not a good weapon during a zombie apocalypse."
"But the aesthetic," Jaime shook his fists at her, faking emotion. "What else do you have during the zombie apocalypse but aesthetics?"
He makes her laugh tho , Cleos texted Jeyne later, when they stopped at a petrol station in the middle of nowhere. They were all slightly damp, but for some reason Jaime managed to make it look classy. Brienne and him just looked annoyed.
Thats good?
Yeah, shes young but very serious, tries to hide it
That she's serious?
That she laughs
Brienne returned to the car from her expedition into the management store. "The road is closed," she announced, squaring her shoulders and handing Jaime and Cleos an apple juice box each. "But the man said they're cleaning it up and it should be done by tomorrow."
"There's no way around it?" Cleos asked. Of course the gods would make it harder for him. Of course.
Brienne shook her head.
"It'd take us three hours to get to the other road," Jaime chimed in, slurping his apple juice. "Not worth it."
"Then another five hours to circle back to King's Landing," Brienne agreed, not reluctantly. "Can you stop that?"
Jaime gulped his drink with added noise. Brienne rolled her eyes before turning to Cleos.
"The man said there's an inn further down. We should stop there for the night."
Cleos felt his face wrinkle in pain.
"Slumber party" Jaime finished his juice, looking straight at Brienne. "Yay."
-------
Cleos u old fool , Jeyne had texted, adding two laughing emojis. Cleos frowned.
We r eating smtng n staying at an inn, call u soon , he sent her. Then he quoted her last message: Why?
"Coz, the Boss says they only got one room," Jaime's hand patted his shoulder. "We'll all have to share."
"The boss?" Cleos deepened his frown.
"Two beds, though," Brienne walked past them, carrying most of their bags on one hand. "And if you keep calling me Boss I’m going to expect you to shut up and do as I say, Lannister."
"Am I not doing that already?" he teased her, watching her stomp upstairs with determination. He gave a short laugh, picked what was left of their luggage, and trailed after her. Cleos checked his phone and followed, wondering just how insufferable dinner would be.
"No no no no no," Brienne was shaking her hands. "Under no circumstances would the Blue Knight lose to the Golden Knight. There’s a story about it."
“But only the one story,” Jaime insisted, nudging Cleos with an elbow as he cut his meal.
The inn was packed, and they’d been cramped into a corner. Cleos was not a short man, but he was sandwiched between the biggest woman he’d ever met and his cousin's inflated personality in the tiniest, primpiest table in the seven kingdoms. The tablecloth even had lace, which he knew because he had been inspecting everything in his immediate surroundings while his companions spoke nonstop.
"Are you saying it’s not canonical?"
"“I’m saying there’s a chance they never actually fought."
Cleos tried to remember when his remark about the decorative armour in the parlor had turned into a discussion about the age of heroes, or whatever this was. His mum used to tell him and his cousins stories about knights and dragons, and Brienne had been delighted when he'd told her. She loved all of that stuff. As for Jaime… Cleos hadn’t even known Jaime still cared about the stories.
-------
Is she touching her hair? Jeyne’s reply chimed in his phone.
Cleos stopped the fork halfway to his mouth and glanced at his left. Brienne was talking about a historical TV show, tugging her hair behind her ears at least twice in the process.
Yes. What does that have to do w anythng? He texted back.
Is he listening to her? That message had a laughing-with-tears emoji.
Cleos looked to his right. Jaime had cupped his cheek on one hand, following her every word.
His brow furrowed so fast in realization he felt a muscle tear.
Can't be, he sent. It didn’t feel adamant enough. Impossible , he added.
-------
Cleos had been at some office events where both Brienne and Jaime had attended, and he never thought… Surely Jeyne was wrong.
Brienne had sighed in relief when she had told him they’d reached an agreement. They were about to sign the contracts with Uncle Tywin, which was why they’d been traveling to King’s Landing in the first place. Jaime had been unfazed by the result, as usual, even though him and Brienne had written the final document.
Then again…
Cleos looked at Jeyne’s stream of emojis making fun of him (including some suggestive combinations of hand gestures and eggplants), and then again at his manager and cousin.
They were radiant.
-------
Like everything else in that godsforsaken inn, the room was small and cozy, with lace decorating every textile in view.
Cleos sat on the edge of one of the beds, while Brienne threw herself in the other. Jaime was opening cabinets and doors, like a cat inspecting a new room.
Their not flirting , Cleos texted Jeyne, one handed, opening a couple of buttons on his shirt.
Sounds like it to me
"Hey," Jaime produced a box from one of the shelves. "Kingdompoly! What say you, coz? Shall we play, for old time’s sake?"
Cleos huffed. "Will loves it," he said. "So that means we’ve had to ban it from the house. I pass."
Jaime laughed. "Very well. And you, Boss? Fancy a play?"
"What are you, ten?" Brienne was decidedly not looking up at Jaime, intent only on her book, the edge of her mouth curling up just so. "Only if you’re prepared to lose."
"Ah, a challenge. You boast."
"Of course. My sisters hated me because I won all the time."
"That's because you weren’t playing me."
-------
Are u still up?
Cleos had grabbed the spare key and beseeched the safety of the lobby. The rain was still pounding, but the waiting area was quiet in comparison to the tourney-worth of cackles the two blonds had been making.
The phone rang at the tune of the Rains of Castamere and Cleos picked up gratefully.
"Hi, husband mine." Jeyne's grin was palpable in her voice. "How’re the lovebirds?"
"Fighting," Cleos chuckled. "Over Kingdompoly."
“Kingdompoly?"
"See what I do for our sons?"
Jeyne laughed. "I know. They miss you."
"And me them."
"But are you sure? I was rather hoping I had something to tease your mum with. Her favorite nephew, flirting with a Stark. Can you imagine?"
"I just told you. It's not flirting. They fight. And she's not a Stark, exactly."
"Is it fighting or is it bantering?"
Cleos mentally ran through months of constant teasing, chattering, endless nights of working together, heads bent into one single purpose.
"It’s not flirting," he insisted, stubborn as ever.
That made his wife laugh. It was warm.
"Well," Jeyne continued. "Come home as soon as you can and I'll show you proper flirting, then."
Gods, he missed her.
-------
Cleos walked into their room an hour after. He'd assumed Jaime and him would share a bed, so his surprise was genuine when he discovered two large bulks in Brienne's.
Tip toeing his way through the carpet, Cleos peeked over the pink dossel. Kingdompoly was sprawled out on the mattress in disarray, Brienne asleep against the headboard, and Jaime tucked against her leg, his curls resting on her thigh.
Cleos bit his lip.
His first instinct was to wake Jaime up, a million arguments about impropriety crossing his mind. But they both looked strangely peaceful. And gratefully quiet.
Look what I found , Cleos typed to Jeyne.
It was a bit clumsy, but he managed to angle the camera, adjust the flash, and snap the picture.
Jeyne sent back a billion head-exploding emojis.
I told u!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She didn't have to seem so smug, but Cleos didn’t mind too much.
I got u something to bother mum with , he replied, sliding into his own bed.
My hero ! She said, with a heart emoji.
Cleos chuckled for himself, and peppered his text lingo with a smiley face for his wife.
Sinking into the pillow, Cleos glanced at his travel companions one last time. They breathed slowly in absolute comfort, holding each other in the bed. Maybe Jeyne wasn't so far off, after all. There is just something about them.
With a knowing grin, Cleos drifted into sleep.
#fictober19#fictober2019#jaime x brienne#my fic#cleos pov because why not#third wheeling like a pro#i wish this was better but it's done so#there u go
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ABBAON; Elia for 14 :'), 22 for either of our main OTP, 43 for Jaime, please and thank you!
14: what is the arc for this character (redemption, etc.)? (Elia Martell in A Beauty By Any Other Name)
All I'm saying is that while she's not in a great place right now, she will be better than ever by the end of the fic. I can't hurt my baby, you know that.
22: favorite line/quote/inner monologue from this character? (As requested, Lyanna/Elia in A Beauty By Any Other Name, written fresh just for you because they haven't even interacted in the fic.)
Elia finds out about Lyanna together with the rest of the world. Right there on the homepage of KLScoop is a series of photos, Rhaegar and Lyanna kissing, Rhaegar and Lyanna smiling at each other, Rhaegar leading Lyanna into the hotel with a hand on her ass. Never let it be said that Elia's husband isn't classy.
Elia has heard of the rapper. Lyanna Stark is the scion of the Stark empire, a bright loud girl—because how old is she even?—who has outsold her older brother with her first album. She's beautiful in an untamed way, strong and sculpted if her gym selfies are to be believed, and she's sleeping with Elia's husband.
So Elia might've looked at Lyanna's Ravengram. Sue her. Better yet, serve her the divorce papers, because she's close to doing it herself. Besides, if she doesn't divorce Rhaegar, Oberyn and Ellaria may actually follow through their plan to 'disappear' the 'self-fellating moulting dragon'.
Ellaria's still yelling at whoever journalist she's yelling at, and Elia's head pounds. She puts on her headphones and plays Lyanna's album.
It's a phenomenal album.
Four months later, Lyanna calls Elia on the phone, and though the girl—no, young woman now—doesn't cry, her voice wavers as she apologises and tells Elia about the pregnancy.
43: emoji this character uses the most whilst texting? (Jaime Lannister in A Beauty By Any Other Name)
😂🤣😒😡😈👿☠️👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂 (that last one is whenever Rohanne drops hints about a new project)
fic writer ask meme
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Review: The Tyrant's Tomb by Rick Riordan
Thoughts on The Cover
Well, if you've seen my previous posts by now you'd know that I'm not a big fan of loud and action-packed covers. I prefer classy, if not always subtle. But you might like it! See, Reyna is owning the bigger portion of it, which is a nice change. :-)
Ok to Low Points
Halfway through the book, I was STILL unable to "get" into the story
Literally, not much was going on for 2/3 of the whole book, which is very surprising considering:
The time between the release dates of The Tyrant's Tomb and The Burning Maze is the longest as of yet. Whereas other books within a series have come out within twelve months of each other, these two books will be released within eighteen months of each other.
.....and that even the most boring books by Uncle Rick had some silver linings here and there to keep you engaged. Even The Dark Prophecy had the gang arrive and settle in Indianapolis, visit the zoo and free Griffins and REVISIT the emperor. Here? Apollo and Co. escorted Jason's hearse into Camp Jupiter in a frankly insulting manner(more about that later), Apollo got sick, we see that the noble prophecies are being tattooed on Tyson's back, Apollo and Co. went on a lil' trial quest and returned, Apollo got more sick.🤷♀️ I was so confused I opened the previous books to see how far those stories had progressed by midpoint.
It got slightly better later on, but it doesn't change the fact throughout the 1st half of the book I just kept on turning pages SIMPLY because I wanted it to get it on with and finish the story. Sad.
2. The so-called Tyrant
I didn't see much tyranny, like...only 3 pages were spent in the Tyrant's Tomb and his company, bad old Commodus and Caligula had more appearances than Tarquin who re-appeared in the very last chapters only to get immediately vanquished courtesy of Diana.....yeah. That's that.
3. How Jason's final voyage was depicted
Uncle Rick doesn't write emotional crying scenes well.
People talk about peeing and pop chewing gum bubbles while delivering the hearses of valued, honored characters.
And I seriously wonder in what position and condition poor Jason's body was after all the drama his coffin underwent.
And based on the spoilery lines(which sadly turned out to be not spoilers at all) we saw in the Magnus Chase series I thought we'd at least get a Percy-Annabeth cameo in this, that Jason will have more of his closest comrades mourning and sending him off. Nah. Nada. Not even a mention of Annabeth. Then why did Uncle Rick mention things like Annabeth and Percy being at California and even Magnus joining them at their time of crisis? Utter puzzlement. And we were also robbed of Nico's reaction to Jason's demise, considering how much Nico valued Jason as a brother-in-arms and a friend. Let's not even talk about Thalia. Why, Uncle Rick? :-(
Which brings us to...
4. Plot Inconsistencies
Why do I have to talk about this in each and every book? :-( Seriously, why would you write about Percy and Annabeth going to New Rome to attend college and being broken hearted over Jason DURING the period of Demigod communication malfunction, only to have us know they have YET to travel across the country and when we meet them again it would still be at New York? And now the communication is working, proving that Uncle Rick conveniently forgot about the clues he conveniently dropped.
AT LEAST I'm glad one thing is consistent in the Trials of Apollo series, that when Zeus decided they'll stop meddling too much in demigod affairs at the end of Heroes of Olympus, he meant it and now it's super duper hard to seek a god even for dire needs, no matter how wonderfully (ill)timed that decision was, costing lives of valued heroes.
5. The Haiku-titles weren't amusing at all this time.
I found one fun haiku .
O, blood moon rising
Take a rain check on doomsday
I’m stuck in traffic
6. The whole Apollo-Reyna debacle.
I would say Uncle Rick pulled a clever twist by turning fan theories on their heads here, but it too way more plot space than needed and when he got to the "Gotcha!" part, I was not feeling it. For YEARS now, we heard abut this no-mortal-no-demigod thing over and over, and fans predicted it might mean Apollo's the one for Reyna. And when it initially seemed like it was the route that Uncle Rick was indeed taking, the only thought that circulated inside my head was; "Reyna doesn't need this completely random and unwanted baggage! Give the girl a dam break!!" But then he was like; "Lol nooo. You kids are wrong", but STILL I was not happy...well, for obvious reasons.
What's the point of this whole plotline? So unnecessary. I mean, the fans always wondered WHY exactly would Reyna think she needs a partner in her life, but now I see Reyna might not have had time to contemplate her personal life logically like WE had what's with her dramatic life. Of course the shallow gods would think her heart was something to be "cured" and Reyna never stopped to think that it's quite the opposite till Apollo provided her with a breather and reason. And to answer why din't she choose to join Amazons instead of Hunters is probably that she wanted to be her own person and not be under her sis the Queen once again. She'd indeed have the freedom, calm and few friends so she wouldn't feel lonely and bored with the Hunt. She might even choose to leave Hunters after she found herself in her own time. I get it. But the way it was dragged and executed was meh.
If Uncle Rick intended this plotline of Reyna to be empowering for female readers, in my opinion it was not. Yes, even a badass girl could have weaknesses, not enough self-confidence and wobbly life choices, but Reyna took too much time with her "Eureka!" moment.
It was funny while it lasted, at least.
“Lester.” Reyna sighed. “What in Tartarus are you saying? I’m not in the mood for riddles.”
“That maybe I’m the answer,” I blurted. “To healing your heart. I could…you know, be your boyfriend. As Lester. If you wanted. You and me. You know, like…yeah.”
HAHAHAHA. That Totally came from the left field Lester, even for you.
“Your girlfriend was pregnant when you had her killed?” Reyna launched another kick at my face. I managed to dodge it, since I’d had a lot of practice cowering, but it hurt to know that this time she hadn’t been aiming at an incoming raven. Oh, no. She wanted to knock my teeth in.
“You suck,” Meg agreed.
I mean, if THIS is not the ultimate deal breaker then what is? Apollo might have changed for better by now, but it doesn't mean we can overlook what he did. I for one certainly don't need a loveline for him in this series. I'm glad Uncle Rick drew(or at least seemed to have) a clear line here.
High Points
It took half the page count even for Uncle Rick's special brand of snark to return. Nonetheless I managed to find some good ones. Which is what matters, right?
1.
“So,” I said, making a second attempt at nonchalance, “are you and Thalia, er…?”
Reyna raised an eyebrow. “Involved romantically?”
“Well, I just…I mean…Um…”
Oh, very smooth, Apollo. Have I mentioned I was once the god of poetry?
Reyna rolled her eyes. “If I had a denarius for every time I got that question…Aside from the fact that Thalia is in the Hunters, and thus sworn to celibacy…Why does a strong friendship always have to progress to romance?"
Preach, sister. But then again I would have to ask did YOU have to swear to celibacy to prove your independence....which is sort of the point🙄..
2.
Even when I was a god and could speak any language I wanted, I’d never sung well in Italian. I kept mixing it up with Latin, so I came off sounding like Julius Caesar with a head cold.
LOL
3.
It was time to be helpful. I needed to be repulsive for my friends!
Which you're most of the time...the latter sentence I mean.
4. Don't we all relate? 😂
“O protector of Rome!” I read aloud. “O insert name here!”
5. And one more.
I bet Gregorix was wishing he’d pursued that business degree his mom always wanted him to get. Being a barbarian bodyguard was mentally exhausting.
.
Heartrending quotes.
1.
This was the source of all our communications troubles—one sad, angry, forgotten little god.
2. This was the wisest quote I saw in the book. The simple indescribable deepness of letting go.
“Good-bye, Apollo,” said the Sibyl’s voice, clearer now. “I forgive you. Not because you deserve it. Not for your sake at all. But because I will not go into oblivion carrying hate when I can carry love.”
Even if I could’ve spoken, I wouldn’t have known what to say. I was in shock. Her tone asked for no reply, no apology. She didn’t need or want anything from me. It was almost as if I were the one being erased.
3. I was saddened to learn about Julia's untimely loss, but I'm sure everybody had a meltdown moment at the following scene.
The old god’s face hardened a bit more, which shouldn’t have been possible for stone. “I see. Well. I’ve concentrated the last bits of my power here, around Julia. They may destroy New Rome, but they will not harm this girl!”
“Or this statue!” said Julia.
4. Honestly? I too forgot until Apollo pointed it out and then I had *shivers*! They're one immediate family, grieving over one loss that affects all of them in various ways, and having mixed reactions about each others the members who survived!
I shivered. How easy it was to forget that this young woman was also my sister. And Jason was my brother. At one time, I would have discounted that connection. They’re just demigods, I would have said. Not really family.
Overall Conclusion
This is the most bored-outta-my-mind I felt after reading a PJO universe book. Am I finally growing out of the Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus fandom? Oh dear, I hope not. I can't imagine living without it and I'm SO not happy with this new development. Just as I feared, Uncle Rick couldn't keep it up after the excellent Burning Maze and now.....please, for your fans' sake who had been loyal for years, I hope at least the final book delivers. Just so we could at least part ways/go dormant with pleasant sentiments and a content heart.🙆♀️
#rick riordan#trials of apollo#Percy Jackson and the Olympians#the tyrants tomb#book reviews.#reviews#pjo
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I’ve decided to start a new writing chapter for a while. From now on I’m calling it a reviewing Marilyn Monroe movies. Starting with one of the most famous ones of her collection: Gentlemen prefer blondes or as many tend to refer as that Marilyn Monroe movie.
It’s easy to tell from the content of my blog that I’m kind of fond of Marilyn. I’ve written several articles about her, becoming her or drawing her. Here is the list of articles I wrote
How to look like Marilyn Monroe
My Marilyn Monroe make up look
Story of my Marilyn Monroe
Gentlemen prefer blondes:
Gentlemen prefer blondes is a movie older than my grandma. Therefore my own expectations were not very high. I was expecting some old ass, boring, black and white movie starring my favorite blondie and I was bracing myself for bad and cringy filming. I was postponing watching Marilyn Monroes movies because I was afraid that the old production would not be kind to the image of Marilyn I idolized. Never in my wildest dreams were I expecting to laugh and enjoy this movie so much.
Spoilers alert.
Gentlemen prefer blondes is a 1953 movie directed by Howard Hawks starring already mentioned Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell. Those two names sound so promising and thankfully they did not disappoint.
It’s a simple story about two friends who sings at a cabaret and search for love. With a twist in a stoty, I don’t want to get too much into. Both of the girls have a very different character and I can’t decide who I liked the most.
Marilyn Monroe plays Lorelei Lee. Typical stereotypical blondie. I felt like Marilyn was not even acting as this character was just what general image of Marilyn was. Hot dumb gold digger. I was so pleased with the slow unrevealing of deeper features just like with Marilyn herself.
We get to see how smart and cunning she is. How well aware and ambitious she is. All of the witty comments and actions. Her important innocence that goes hand in hand with her manipulation techniques. Her love for diamonds and the material world as a means to provide for herself. My favorite Lorelei Lee quote I believe summarizes the character the best was this:
I can be smart when it’s important. But most men don’t like it.
-Lorelei Lee/Marilyn Monroe
There were many more quotes that took my breath away and I was not expecting that level of sarcasm in 1953 movie.
While Marilyn is portraying money-loving romantic soul, Jane Russell plays Dorothy Shaw, the quite opposite. Dorothy has different life views as Lorelei. She doesn’t give a damn about money and her loyalty is unshakable. Her friendship with Lorelei grows strong, in spite of the disapproval of Lorelei actions and the same goes the other way around. Dorothy’s cynicism and raw sarcasm are incredible. The chatting between those two girls is clearly not what I was expecting to hear from a ladies from that time.
I was so surprised how progressive and funny the dialogues were.
For a woman from the 50s, I must add.
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Songs were a surprise to be. I only ever heard the basics about the Gentlemen prefer blondes, but never once did I heard about it being referred to as a musical. Or a comedy. Finally, I get to know where are those famous songs from. Diamonds and girls best friend was my favorite performance and song. I honestly had to rewind it a few times. It was like I finally understand some cultural references.
The whole status those 2 ladies represented was empowering. Sure, it was all about getting the man. But how they did it was way ahead of their time. From the title, Gentlemen prefer blondes I was expecting some love triangle, two main characters fighting over a man and the dream guy choosing by the physical appearances in the end. Preferring the blonde. I’m pleased I was mistaken. Ladies are the ones in charge.
I can’t ignore the spectacular costumes.
Sure, I’m a sucker for all the things vintage. But oh my god the outfits. Hot. Classy. Sophisticated. Elegant. Daring. Just wow.
I’m sure the outfits themselves were worth noticing. But I believe that the ladies wearing them added extra glam not only to their characters but to the whole production.
My first Marilyn Monroe movie was watched with a very little soul and it changed my expectation for the rest diametrically. I treated this movie with many prejudices and I was terribly mistaken.
Gentlemen prefer blondes is a great movie and clearly, you don’t have to be a classic movies fan to enjoy it as I did.
Gentlemen prefer blondes or that Marilyn Monroe movie I've decided to start a new writing chapter for a while. From now on I'm calling it a reviewing Marilyn Monroe movies.
#50s#blonde#classic movie#gentlemen prefer blondes#jane russell#marilyn monroe#movie review#personal#retro#review#vintage#writing
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Biggest Loser
The office did a 'Biggest Loser' contest the first quarter of 2019, right after Christmas. I caught the tail end of it this month when I re-joined the workforce, people walking around talking loud about how they've lost a kilogram or horrified mumbling about how they've gained a pound—a whole pound!—and today they announced the winners, two teams that collectively lost 9.78% and 7.23% of "body percentage." I think they mean body fat percentage, though I can't be sure. Maybe someone lost a limb. A kidney. Their appendix. Something they won't miss very much but is worth less than the cash the 'Piggy Wiggy Team' won for second place.
That's what they called themselves, The Piggy Wiggy Team. As if joining an office Biggest Loser contest wasn't humiliating enough. Anyone who's over an 18 BMI I've noticed likes to make other people very aware that they're aware they're a little goopier around the waist than they should be. I do it, too. A lot. As if we get points for self-awareness. I think there's this fear of not being in on the joke, and if you're laughing at yourself the same time as everyone else is, then maybe you're less of a punchline. You've got comedic ownership. You know, like, "I meant to do that." I meant to eat all that food. I meant to get this fat.
Anyway, an office Biggest Loser, as if offices aren't toxic enough cesspools in which eating disorders breed like petri dish viruses. Ditto schools. Ditto everywhere else. This is just the world we live in. The setting. Now the plot, the characters: the office Biggest Loser, and the woman I heard purging in the bathroom stall today, a woman on team Piggy Wiggy—beautiful, stylish, overall pretty classy and bougie, well-to-do, and apparently from an old-rich family, one of the five families that were here when this city mushroomed out of the sea.
She's in her mid-thirties. Let's call her Miss L. Miss L's one of the women the younger girls call "titas"—a group of women who torture themselves with keto diets and trendy fasts, who do yoga every other day and have motivational quotes in their cubicles, loud laughs, big hair. They love themselves. They want you to know they love themselves as they gorge on cake, pizza, garlic bread on birthday-month team feeds, and then always have cake in their cubicles for some reason, and they grab at anything that gets passed around the office, free or otherwise, with a hunger that I recognize in myself. So of course it's gross to me. It's horrific. It's like staring at your reflection at the bottom of a deep, dark well.
Our office has this quasi-open workspace thing going on: one wide floor but cubicles and wall-to-wall depression-blue carpet, blank white walls that reflect the depression-blue, and six windows that are never open. Sometimes it gets so loud I can't hear myself think. Even if I put headphones and brown noise on, I can still sense the conversations and the whine of workday stress going on around me, which is like tinnitus but with words. That's when I take my book and sit on the toilet for a while. It's quiet in there, and the people who clean it do a very good job of it, and there's even a nice green plant so it's this oasis of quiet in the middle of the workday if I can't get away from work for more than five minutes. (I get why people have beautiful bathrooms in their homes now. One day I'm going to have a beautiful bathroom with white tiles, a window, and a writing desk.)
I heard Miss L walk in, and then the gagging started, then that chunky, gloopy splash of solid food that's become so familiar and dear to me it sends a frisson of recognition through my spine so strong it makes me want to hurl, too. Except I haven't done that in a month. (There's a sign on my forehead: It's been 27 days since our last episode. This soon changes to 0 days, barely two weeks later, after I ill-advisedly weigh myself on a Friday night while I'm PMS-ing.)
I sit and listen to her purge. I listen to her purge. This woman is purging. I have this really vivid daydream about about kicking the door in and holding her head in the toilet to teach her a tough-love lesson about self-love. I imagine that I'm not sitting here and really I'm the one purging and someone else is listening to me purge. Listening to her purge is making me dissociate, and I can't sit here anymore so I flush the toilet to announce that someone else is there and get up to wash my hands. I wash my hands. She's sitting in there, trying to be quiet. She shuffles her feet.
How many times have I been this woman? I spent a lot of time getting acquainted with the toilets at the last office I worked in. This was at the height of my bulimia, when I was bingeing and purging two, maybe three times a day at work. McDonald's, corner store bread, cookies and milk, the latter so much that I developed a sensitivity to dairy and caffeine, which sucks because I love dairy and caffeine. My cheeks were always swollen. My eyes were always red. I was always in a shit mood. I didn't think anybody noticed, but of course they did, and when I finally told K, an ex-coworker, about what was then my bulimia, she said she guessed that I was doing something like that in there, and that she wasn't sure what to do—if she should talk to me about it or not.
(You can bet she talked about it with other people, though.)
Like most people beset by eating disorders, my complicated relationship with food started when I was very young. My grandmother and my great aunt expressed their love with food, and food shut me up when I was throwing tantrums and being a generally shitty, angry little kid and when I was a shitty, angry teenager. It shuts me up as a shitty, angry young adult, except these days I'm starting to understand that I'm probably trying to fill up a different kind of void. Not that knowing why you do something makes it easier not to do it.
My partner, who in my eyes is the most understanding and intelligent person in the world, doesn't get why people do things that upset them. I wish I had an satisfying answer for why binge eaters binge eat, or why anorexics can't just eat a burger and be okay with it, or why drug addicts keep doing drugs even after they've ruined their lives and alienated themselves from their entire families because of them.
If it were that simple, the economy would crumble. Self-help magnates and motivational speakers would be out of jobs. The diet industry would vanish into thin (ha) air. Every marketer in the world would starve.
The ugly truth is that like most people, and like Miss L, I'm probably always going to be dieting, always going to be trying to lose weight, always going to be unhappy with the way I look, am, feel, etc., and even if I were to recover from my eating disorder I know there'd be times where the angry baby brain-monster tantrums in its cage and kicks up such a fuss it's easier to just give it what it wants rather than to sit there and endure the noise.
I don't know why there are so many of us like this, why we're so dissatisfied with ourselves.
If I were to find a purpose, if I were to find something else to obsess over, something that I cared about more than what I looked like, would I be able to forget about my obsession with food and the way I look? If Miss L, who's a mother and a career woman and in all other aspects successful still hasn't gotten over this obsession with food and looks, do I even stand a chance? Do any of us?
If this were a story I could give it some kind of resolution, or some kind of confrontation that has all the twanging of hope. Miss L and I could lock eyes on our way out of the bathroom stalls, exchanging looks that said, 'I see you. I understand. You're not alone.' In the real world we don't talk to each other unless we need to, and we hardly ever need to, and when I walk past her cubicle I try not to make eye contact because I'm afraid she might see that I know what she's doing when she ducks for another mouthful of the slice of carrot cake she keeps on top of her computer tower. I try not to listen to her talk to the other titas about "gaining all the weight back," and I don't say a word to her unless I need to. I don't make eye contact. I'm afraid she'll see the hunger in me, too.
#eating disorders#weight loss#weight loss competition#office biggest loser#biggest loser#diet culture
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