#climatic :( i still like the series for what it did and what they managed to put out there though:) ty f&c crew

[guildling]

i appreciate him very much

#fiona and cake spoilers #fiona and cake #i love shermy a lot hes such a silly guy And i would love to know more about shermy and beths story also this is like one of the only parts #i really really liked… the finale makes sense and i did like the ending scenes with all those flowers Very pretty but it was very anti #climatic :( i still like the series for what it did and what they managed to put out there though:) ty f&c crew #edit i take that back It was a very good ending but it must be hell for petri//grof shippers lmao #i think im just going to keep documenting my thoughts about ths ending here anyways i think my main issue with the series as a whole is def #the pacing. f&c was definitely a different experience that at with how they paced there episodes and i think thats one of my favorite thing #s about the main series #how they manged to fit so much into so little time and how it didnt feel rushed at all #i feel if f&c just got two more episodes i would be completely satisfied with it . and also if we got to see prime finn & marcy more than #once. they leave a lot of open ends for things incase they get to make a series about it and i do think we’re probably getting more content #in the future due to that apple end credits thing #many many thoughts

[evertomorrowart]

Best of YouTube 2023

Yes, I did spend the first week and change of January on this. I wish I could have had it done for New Years, but too many people came out with incredible work in December, so waiting turned out for the best.

What these creators do are a huge influence on my life, I would honestly have difficulty doing what I do without them. That isn't to say that my favorites of the year are *only* on this image--It was almost impossible to narrow down my favorites. Many creators I wanted to include couldn't fit on a single page, and too many of them made more than one video I wished I could draw too!

But, to all of you, thank you for what you do. You're an inspiration.

For those who don't know, further is an explanation.

At the bottom center is an artistic masterpiece by Defunctland: "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History." Over the last several years, Defunctland has risen from delightfully-entertaining commentary on decommissioned theme park attractions to occasionally dropping profound statements on the creation of art itself. "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History" is worth treating like the cinematic experience it is: No second screen, you sit your ass down in front of a TV, set down the phone, and then you *watch it.* Any Disney, theme park, or independent film fan needs to pay attention to this one.

Bottom left is Caelan Conrad with their piece "Drop the T - The Deadly Consequences of Gay Respectability Politics." While I do think they've done more visually or artistically-daring pieces before, "Drop the T" is one of the most important videos released on YouTube in today's current climate of hate. We as queer folk (and our allies) need to understand how integral every identity of the queer experience has been since the start of the Civil Rights movement (and before!). While we are not identical, we *are* inseparable, and we deserve having our real history easily accessible.

TERFs and other conservative mouthpieces need not reply. Your opinions are trash. 😘

I cannot stop watching and rewatching this video by @patricia-taxxon, "On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People." It's not just a defense of furry fandom and its eccentricities, it's a thoughtful and passionate analysis of what the artform achieves that purely human representation can't. Patricia goes outside of her usual essay format to directly speak to the viewer about the elements that define furry media (the most succinct definition I've ever heard) and just how *human* an act loving animal cartoons really is.

As an artist who can draw furry characters, but never really got into erotic furry art, this video is a treasure. Why did I choose to have her drawn as a Ghibli character, hanging out with one of the tanukis from "Pom Poko?" Guess you'll have to watch, bruh.

Philosophy Tube continuously puts out videos that I would put on this list--I'm not even sure that "A Man Plagiarised my Work: Women, Money, and the Nation" is the best work she released in 2023. However, this video got many conversations going between myself and my partner, and the twist on the tail end of the video shocked us both to such a degree that I had no choice.

At the very tail end of the year, Big Joel released "Fear of Death." On his Little Joel channel, he described it as the singularly best video he's ever done, and I'm inclined to agree. However, for this illustration, I ended up repeatedly going back to a mini-series he did earlier in the year: "Three Stories at the End of the World." All three videos are deeply moving and haunting, and I was brought to tears by "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot." While it may be relatively-common knowledge that the original Gojira (Godzilla) film is horror grappling with the devastation America's rush to atomic dominance inflicted on Japan, Big Joel still manages to bring new words to the discussion. Please watch all three of the videos, but if, for some reason, you must have only one, let it be "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot."

Y'all. Let me confess something. I hate football. I hate watching it, I associate seeing it from the stadiums with some of my worst childhood experiences, I despise collegiate and professional football (as institutions that destroy bodies and offer up children at the feet of its alter as a pillar of American culture)--

I. L o a t h e. Football.

But.

F.D. Signifier could get me to watch an entire hour-plus essay on why I should at least give a passing care. AND HE DID IT. I might think "F*ck the Police," the two-parter on Black conservatism, or his essay on Black men's connection to anime might be "better" videos, but this writer did the impossible and held my limited attention span towards football long enough to make a sincere case for NFL players--and reminds us that millionaires can *in fact* be workers. That alone is testament to his skill.

Sit down and watch "The REAL Reason NFL Running Backs Aren't Getting Paid." Any good anti-capitalist owes it to themselves.

CJ the X continuously puts out stunning, emotional videos, and can do it with the most seemingly-inconsequential starting points. A 30 second song? An incestuous commercial? Five minutes of Tangled? Sure, why not. Go destroy yourself emotionally by watching them. I'm serious. Do it.

Their video Stranger Things and the Meaning of Life manages to to remind us all why the way we react to media does, in fact, matter. Yes, even nostalgia-driven, mass-media schlock. Yes, how we interact with media matters, what it says about us matters, and we all deserve to seek out the whys.

Folding Ideas has spent the last few years articulating exactly why so much of our modern world feels broken, and because of that his voice continuously lives rent-free in my brain. While the tricks that scam artists and grifters use to try to swindle us are never new, the advancement of technology changes the aesthetics of their performances. Portions of Folding Ideas' explanations might seem dry when going into detail of how stocks work in This is Financial Advice, but every bit of it is necessary to peel back the layers of techno-babble and jargon and make sense of the results of "Meme Stocks."

Jessie Gender puts out nothing but bangers, her absolute unit of a video about Star Wars might be my new favorite thing ever, but none of her work hit so profoundly in 2023 than the two-parter "The Myth of 'Male Socialization'" and "The Trauma of Masculinity." There's so much about modern life that isolates and traumatizes us, and so much of it is just shrugged off as "normal." We owe it to ourselves to see the world in more vivid a color palette than we're initially given.

Panels drawn after Kate Beaton and "Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands."

"This is Not a Video Essay" is one of the most intense and beautiful pieces of art I've ever put into my eyeballs. Why do we create? What drives us to connect?

I don't even know what else to say about the Leftist Cooks' work, it repeatedly transcends the medium and platform. Watch every single one of their videos, but especially this one.

The likelihood you are terminally online and yet haven't heard of Hbomberguy's yearly forrays into destroying the careers of awful people is pretty slim. Just because it has millions of views doesn't mean that Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)" isn't worth the hype. Too long? Shut up, it has chapters and YouTube holds your place, anyway. You think a deep dive into a handful of creators is only meaningless drama? Well, you're wrong, you wrong-opinion-haver. Plagiarism is an *everyone* problem because of the actual harm it creates--the history it erases, the labor it devalues, the art it marginalizes--which you would know if you watched "Plagiarism and You(Tube)".

Watch. The damn. Video.

In fact, watch all of them!

Thanks for reading this if you did.

#fanart #digital art #caricature #kate beaton #ducks #stranger things #apes #youtube #2023 #best of 2023 #video essay #hbomberguy #leftist cooks #cj the x #big joel #jessie gender #folding ideas #dan olson #jessie earl #neil and sarah #fd signifier #f.d. signifier #little joel #gojira #godzilla #philosophy tube #abigail thorn #caelan conrad #patricia taxxon #defunctland

[martellspear]

— power went out and I ran out of things to think this afternoon;

— this is a anti targaryen restoration post, be warned :)

One of the most surprising things in the entire ASOIAF books is simply HOW did that family manage to be around for over 300 years. I’ve never seen so many individuals being so dense – of course, we have exceptions – but ?? Perhaps that’s what you get for the inbreed, the stupidity gene remains and grows strong and turns into a parasite that eats brains.

Let’s start with the C trio; A united the Seven Kingdoms because he thought unity was the right path to defeat the Long Night, which is great, but then he did NOTHING to actually prepare for it ?? The Wall was built by the Starks. In F&B we see that, Targ after Targ, the prophecy has little impact on how they conduct things; I’d love to say something like: fine, let’s blame it on time and wars (which, they caused) but ?? your ancestors' most important words about saving the place you, and your descendants will, live just do not carry enough crucial significance for them to be carefully passed down to the next generation?

Then, we have R. I will admit that when I first read the books I liked him - and although I still find him an interesting character, I cannot let go of the idea of how obtuse he is (it’s deeper than that in his case but I’m annoyed) -. Since I’m venting, let me just say that it completely baffles me how some still view RL as a love story; that man was OBSESSED with the prophecy, he drastically changed his lifestyle for it, but he’d abandon everything for love? And then… proceed to – likely – hide from his lOvE that her loved ones are dead (his dad killed them) while keeping said person in a place that, regarding both climate and social aspects, is detrimental for her. Furthermore, to defy and insult three powerful Houses because he fell in love with someone he saw a few times?

Yes, love can make people take routes they wouldn’t normally take, but the cost was too high for it not to be “means to an end”.

Coming back to my original thoughts: I believe that Targs are unfit to rule – if you want evidence, you can literally just open F&B, any page will do – and the couple good monarchs that family produced doesn’t make up for all the damage they caused since they sat foot in Westeros. They feel entitled to a land that doesn’t belong to them and are saviors because the Gods said they are ??

It's a funny concept when you contrast it with how the series ended: Cersei on the Throne, Arya defeating the Night King and the two last Targs with awful endings (that’s martelldoo): one dead and the other exiled.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent because the thought of a Targ restoration pissed me off this afternoon – it validates every horrendous thing that happened to those considered “casualties” and puts these people in that obnoxious concept we see in succession: no real person involved. But since “we” have the power to save the world, it was worth it and everything it valid, RIGHT?–

#anti targaryen restoration #anti targ restoration #anti targaryen #anti rhaegar targaryen #anti rhaegar #you have no idea how much free time I have in my hands until february #asoiaf

[diabloo-666]

Do you hate the way Soul Eater's anime ended? I personally didn't mind the ending that much

No, I don't hate it either! ^^

I've got the whole serie on my bookshelf, watched the whole anime, I actually kind of like that the endings for each are different!

The anime one can be seen as a "good ending", knowing how little casualties they were, Asura was gone for good as well. The manga's, I like to call it a "neutral" one, there's a huge threat still looming over the protags' heads, the reason why it is that way is logical (everybody fear something. It's only normal and human), there were lots more interesting events that happened as well.

And to write a bit more, there is, personally, one way that the manga was "better": How it handled Asura.

In the anime, it was indeed a threat lingering everywhere, the culminating point, like in the manga, but sensibly less than it. The final battle really crystallised that well.

Asura is a freaking. God. A god went mad by his irrational fear of absolutely everything. The dude is everyphobia incarnated and so much that it draws power from it and actually distort the world around by his mere existence, thus why Lord Shinigami had to seal him in the first place.

With such power.... I kind of find it quite anti-climatic that the Main Gang somehow managed to stop him for good with a power of friendship infused punch... (what they did in the anime). The manga manages to illustrate (haha, because it's drawn, get it?) better how powerful he is, how tiring and stretching the battle was. They managed to "defeat" him, not even totally, because they went on his side, they played his "game" for power. They used Black Blood and especially the help of Crona. Without them, the plan wouldn't have succeeded. And all of this was WITHIN Asura himself. Meaning that, outside, the guy's practically invisible. Actually, he is, since he is sealed again. Not killed, sealed. The amount of death on Shibusen's side is also not negligible after that. The final is more satisfying overall.

They got an understanding ground with the Witches, something that wasn't possible before due to the Hunt, so a Demonic Weapon can become a Death Scythe, Kid is more mature, Maka and Soul's realtionship got stronger, Black☆Star... well, it's Black☆Star, what else do you expect, but he did grew, all of them grew alongside their partners...

To conclude...

As stated in the start, no. I do not hate the gecko ending of the anime, I like it. I'm with you here! But I do have a strong preference for the manga one, some of the reasons why are stated above.

#soul eater #ask #rambling #sorry half not sorry #anime #manga #text #hope i answered your question! #i don't know it if shows but i tried to not spoil much... #i still kinda did tho but hey #i wouldn't be clear if i didn't

[8makes1newworld]

Fashionably Untitled

Unedited randomness that I'd like to turn into a series but we shall see what happens. Be safe and keep warm everybody.

You stand at your post outside of the full serve gas station that was presently the best that you could do for a job. The morning chill washing over your form, the bitter coffee doing little to warm your insides.

Was this really the best you could do?

The question oft repeated itself in your mind, though in this town it really was the case. The shit economy was leaving it's mark in your community as it had been through different parts of the world as well.

You shivered as you tossed your empty cup into recycling. The first customer of the day was driving in. Someone who you were obviously not looking forward to seeing.

“Hi~ Top it off, and be quick about it!” The popular girl from school, none other but Katie Lipsom.

You couldn't wait to get her out of your hair this morning. Ignoring her, you took out the gas pump and began to fill her Corvette.

“So how does it feel to work for a company that actively destroys the environment?” Katie draped herself out of the window in an annoying matter.

“I don't know… how does it feel to not be driving electric so you wouldn't have to support the people that are destroying the climate?” You replied without giving her a look, hoping that she would shut up.

Instead she merely giggled and twirled her blonde locks. “I could have, but I left it at home! I wanted to say hi before going to class today!”

Ah, brilliant. She purposely just wanted to gloat and flaunt her standing in society while you were struggling to get by and freezing your ass off with a job that you hated.

Satisfied with the thorn she'd managed to stick into your side, Katie drove away louder than necessary. Causing you to nearly jump out of your skin.

“A bad day already…” You groan and pace outside the service station, contemplating stepping inside for some warmth but deciding against it. Preferring the cold for now over more unwanted company from talkative and bored employees.

You failed to notice the black SUV with dark tinted windows across the street. The occupants observing you while you walk.

Eventually it drove up to the station and parked at one of the pumps. You looked it over and waited for the occupant to give you instructions. Feeling a sense of intimidation as you watched.

From the driver's side emerged what appeared to you like a CEO, a tall male with a commanding aura. You cough awkwardly, wondering since when did the likes of CEOs come to a town like this.

“Uh… what can I do for your… vehicle?” You freeze, feeling extremely out of place all of a sudden.

“We're not here for anything. But captain wants you to have this. Call and ask for either Jongho, who is myself. Or Hongjoong. Have a nice day.” The man who introduced himself as Jongho gave you a business card and then got back into the vehicle.

You gazed into the tinted glass with befuddlement clear on your face, barely able to make out the two silhouettes inside before the SUV drove away.

Still just as puzzled as before you read the card ‘KQ talent agency'

Skeptically you pocketed the card, proceeding to go about your work day.

Later on as you lied down to sleep you mulled over the card, lying down by your lamp as you scrutinized the piece of paper as if it would tell you of the agency's legitimacy.

You gave up and lied back with a sigh, quietly deciding that you would give them a try. But aware that if they asked for money out of the gate that it would be a scam.

As you fell asleep you wondered what it would be like to be successful, to be popular like Katie. Or to be even more popular than her.

#ateez scenarios #ateez imagines

[sixminutestoriesblog]

blue men of Minch

The world is full of secret beings tradition has packed into almost every hidden corner and shadow. Wherever man has gone, we've brought our mirror realms and watchers in the dark with us. With scientific advances and steel and smog replacing the green grottoes and deep silences of the woods though, they've faded, slipping away from our consciousness as we filled it with TV sitcoms and internet cats. There's no room in our age of the fears of climate change for capricious elemental beings or for sea monsters over the roar of our whale hunting boats. Our grandmother's grandmother's folklore is far from us.

Most days.

On June 28, 2023, sitting on the sand at Eoropie Beach on the Isle of Lewis, a mother watching her family play in the water felt what she called a premonition.

"I was at the beach with my family and they were jumping in and out of the water – I've never felt uneasy and am in the water a lot, but I kept telling them to get out." [Story by Talker News • Yesterday 12:12 PM]

Everyone knows the capriciousness of the sea and, as the US's own Gulf Coast has recently proved, currents can snatch a person away without any warning. A mother of three children has a right to feel unsettled. It was what she did next that makes this a story.

She took pictures of the waves washing up on the shore.

"I felt uneasy about them being in there. I was taking loads of pictures but it wasn’t until I got home and looked through them that one picture stood out."

The picture in question was this one.

I - honestly see nothing. Or rather, what amazes me about the picture is how empty the beach is. I can't remember the last time I managed to find a beach that wasn't awash with people and it looks to me as if she had this stretch of beach entirely to herself, a mystery all of its own. For some reason though, she looked closer.

Stephanie Cranston thinks she might have caught a blue man of Minch on film.

“The way the sea is in that picture, you can see what looks like a figure coming out of the water.

My hair stood on end, it was pretty creepy – I've never seen anything like it before.

I don’t really believe in any stuff like that but I caught that in the picture and thought this is absolutely crazy.

The Hebrides has got myths about the blue men of the Munch – looking back at the picture it’s quite creepy.

I think if it is what I think it is, it’s the only one that’s ever been caught on camera.”

Let's roll this back a bit for those of us who aren't native enough to the area to know what's going on.

The blue men of Minch are basically storm kelpies. They haunt the waters of the area, looking to drag sailors and sometimes even their ships down to a watery grave in the darkness below the waves. When the weather is clear and the water is calm, the blue men sleep, sometimes drifting up to float on the surface, more often retreating to their underwater caves. When the weather is stormy however they rise to the surface and ride the cresting, wild waves, reveling in the chaos and looking for humans to drown. Woe then to any sailor who finds himself still caught out in the waters away from the safety of the shore. All hope isn't lost however. Sometimes, a clever and quick tongue can get you out of your approaching doom. Legend has it that, like the Mari Lwyd of Wales, the leader of the blue men will challenge a ship's captain to a poetry slam. Two lines a piece and if the captain can not only keep up but get in the last word of the poem, the blue men will let him and his ship go free. If he loses however, they will take their long arms and shake his ship to pieces, dragging anyone onboard to their deaths.

One of the odd things about the blue men is that they stick to a very small section of the coast. The Minch is a strait of water that separates the mainland of Scotland from a series of islands known as the Outer Hebrides or the Western Isles. It's only about 70 miles or 110km in length and can narrow down to as little as 14 miles or 23km across in some places. In the wideness of the world's oceans, that's not much. It's also believed to be the site of the biggest meteorite to ever hit the British Isles. The blue men are said to live here, and only here. Beyond those narrow shores, they're practically unknown.

The blue men are described as - well - blue. Sometimes its their caps that are described as blue and they themselves are grey faced. They skim either just on the surface or just under it when they swim, sometimes rising up as high as their waist in the water as they move like a dolphin, diving like dolphins too. They're human in appearance and size and even though they're described as kelpie I haven't found any references to them changing size or shape, never appearing as anything but regular sized human men in the water. There's no mention of women.

Clever poetry could appease them and like most ocean spirits, they could be bribed into bringing good fishing and weather. A candle lit on the shore at Halloween honored them and ale could be poured out into the wavebreak in the hopes that they would leave seaweed on the shore the village could use for fertilizer. Like most ocean spirits though they were the personification of the sea itself and just as capricious in mood and action.

The origin of the blue men might come from several points back in the island's history. There is speculation that the 'swimming above the water up to their waist' might have started with blue painted or tattooed Picts in low boats speeding along the strait, half hidden by the waves. Another explanation might be the North African slaves the Vikings brought with them when they wintered nearby, with both blue clothed Moors and the 'blue men of the desert' Tuareg people being suggested. Whatever the base of the legend was, it blended well with the idea of dangerous sea spirits along the coast and created the very unique blue men of Minch.

#folklore #scottish folklore #minch #blue men of minch #kelpie #ocean folklore #in the news #mythical creatures #myth #mythology #superstition #mythology and folklore #rap battle

[sunspray-peak]

Ch. 59: Easy

SATURDAY - WINTER 13

As much as Achilles loathed the snow, it had proven to have somehow gifted him a rather peaceful and productive series of days. Though perhaps it was less the snow, and more… Alex. Nothing else—no one else, really—he’d encountered in Stardew had quite managed to calm the rollercoaster of this past year as well as Alex had. 

Was he thinking about him? Likely not—the kiss he’d left behind had been, objectively, clearly more jest than anything else. Regardless, Achilles hadn’t allowed idle speculation to distract him from the duties at hand. Holed up in the temperate climate of his well-heated home, he had neglected to shovel his 2 acres of land, opting instead to sit at his desk with a cat in his lap and a pen in his hand. It wasn’t a novel he was writing, however—no, his brain still refused to respond in that regard—but letters. Letters to family, letters to old friends, letters to himself. 

But the blinding, glowing sun cutting through his windows early Saturday morning had managed to melt with its golden cheer even his hatred for the cold. And so, shortly after 6am, Achilles threw on a robe and made himself a cup of tea before tottering his stiff joints to the front door. A breath of fresh air couldn’t hurt. Perhaps he’d do some bird watching on the porch or… something. 

But it seemed that someone else had had similar ideas. 

“What the fuck—god dammit—” This was really getting out of hand—really ought to get a lid for your mugs at this rate, or a thermos… Achilles wiped his sodden sleeve across his porch swing’s wooden plank of an armrest. It did not help, and now his hand was scraped as well as scalded. “Really, Alex we ought to put a bell on you, with this little habit of yours, just loitering around on my porch—you can knock, you know.” 

“Oh—geez, I’m sorry, not my fault you’re so jumpy, I’m sorry—I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake—” 

“I’m always awake. It’s a real problem.” Achilles clicked his tongue and nodded for Alex to take a seat on the swing before noticing the six inches of snow piled on the cushion. “Come inside. I suppose I’ll have to make myself another cup now, would you like one?” 

“Oh. No, I can’t stay long. First day on the new job, wanna get there early… I just wanted to… stop by. Say hi.”

“Oh yes! Mr. Manager.” Achilles glanced to the east where the bus stop lay beyond the borders of Strawberry Farms. Even shielding his eyes, he still had to squint to make out Alex’s halting footsteps breaking up the otherwise untouched snow. “Damn. You trudged through all that just to say hi?” 

“Well, in my defense, I expected you to’ve shoveled the path.” 

“Yikes. Me? Big mistake—”

“—yeah, I see that now—”

“—I assumed it’d be, I don’t know, a government responsibility. How long does it take snow to melt?” 

“Why would the government be shoveling the snow on your farm, Ash?” 

“I don’t know, listen, I hail from desert country—”

“Ohhhh, I see, did the government shovel sand out of your driveway in Monstera? Because you might just be getting that mixed up with being rich.” 

“Yeah, yeah, all right…” Achilles chucked a halfheartedly constructed snowball that Alex easily dodged. “Now what do you want? Everything okay? What brings you lurking like a gremlin on my porch this early in the morning?”

“No, everything’s fine, I was just… hoping to catch you.” 

“Well. You caught me.” Achilles glanced down at his still-wet sleeve. It was too cold for this, and he likely needed a bandage. 

Alex bit his lip before reaching into his coat—Yoba, really, it was quite unfair how one could make such a simple, innocent little hand motion look so seductive. He withdrew a pale green envelope and offered it forward. “I, um. I wrote you a letter—” 

“Did you steal that from Lewis? I swear he has the same stationary—” 

“—I just figured I’d hand deliver it since, you know, you never open your dang mail, you punk.” 

“A thing like that! You know, that’s probably the most considerate thing a person has ever done for me this whole year.” With a squirrelly little smile, Achilles slipped his pointer finger smoothly under the envelop flap before catching sight of Alex staring rather alarmingly wide-eyed, as if petrified, at the letter between his hands. “Or… shall I open it later?” 

“Oh—um—no, that’s all right, you can go ahead. Actually, no—yes. Later. Actually, you know what, I’ll just read it to you.” 

Bemused but chuckling lightly, Achilles offered the envelope back. But Alex only shook his head. 

“Man, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m sorry. I’ll just tell you what it says.” 

“So… no one’s opening the letter…?” 

Alex shook his head again, ran a hand through his hair—a few strands broke loose from whatever gel or product he must’ve used to style it this morning. Being manager demanded a fresh new look, it seemed, but Achilles bit back his smile—didn’t seem appropriate, given that Alex seemed close to hyperventilating on his front porch.

Instead, Achilles pocketed the letter, which seemed to be the main source of Alex’s unusually pale visage, and asked, “Are you… okay…? You sure you don’t… want some… tea?”

And just like that, it was as if a light switch had been flicked. Alex smiled and, cocking his head slightly, chirped, “Would you like to get dinner tonight? 

“What?” Achilles took half a second to register the dissonance regarding the degree of joy that had accompanied this rather banal question. He’d been expecting something much more dramatic—Lewis’ last will and testament, perhaps… “Dinner? …Sure. Is any place going to be open, though? With all the snow? Still seems quite deep.”  

“Yeah, the government does actually shovel public property, if you must know—”

“All right—”

“I checked with Gus on the way here, the Stardrop’s open. If that works. For you.” 

“What time?” 

Alex blinked several times before asking, “6:30?” 

“Sure.” 

“Yeah?” 

“…yeah…” 

Alex beamed. “Wow! Really? Great! Really great! Um. I’ll see you then!” 

Achilles nodded slowly, his wet sleeve forgotten as his brain worked to stymie the confusion currently sweeping his brain as Alex bounded off the porch and nearly half-skipped off the farm. It was quite a few minutes before he retreated back indoors, where he promptly curled himself onto his couch beneath the portrait of two root vegetables and continued to think. 

Alex, on the other hand, was halfway through his very first day as Orange Grove Fitness’ new manager before realizing that both the conversation he had spent all night constructing and the letter he had spent all morning writing had been completely devoid of quite a number of choice key words. And right at the end of his lunch break! Head buried atop his new desk, a ham and cheese sandwich scrunched in his fist as his (Achilles’) watch struck 2…

“Oh, you stupid idiot, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Date. How in the heckity heck did you miss the word—”

*****

This was a date. 

Surely, Alex had been asking him out on a date. 

Now he hadn’t said the word date. But the man wouldn’t have chewed straight through his lip or hiked two miles through half-shoveled snow to hand deliver a hand written note just to ask Achilles to a simple dinner. Right? They’d had dinner a million times, there was definitely something different to this one. Right? 

Stay calm, bitch! 

The clues were clear—Achilles had written them down in his notebook to better organize his thoughts, and even if he set aside his own feelings, the whole situation was still quite objectively suspect. An ordinary request such as this would not have required such extra-ordinary efforts if the aforementioned ordinary request was, in actuality, an ordinary request. RIGHT?  

But it just seemed so… sudden. Surely a near-platonic peck on the nose couldn’t have triggered something to this extent? He had hoped the letter would be more explicit, but it unfortunately hadn’t revealed much either. 

Hi Achilles! Hope you enjoyed your first ever snow day. Or snow week, really. How many crosswords did you get done? I bet you made the most of it, but if you didn’t, that’s cool, too. 

I know this mihgt seem really sudden, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot these past couple of days, and I would love if you met me in the saloon tonight for dinner. 6:30pm if that works.

Hope to see you then! :-)

Best,

Alex. 

He’d have given the man a call to clarify if it hadn’t been his first day on the new job.

Oh, Alex, Alex, Alex… 

Achilles was calm. He was always calm, right? He’d just… act normal. Follow Alex’s lead. Yes. This was going to be fine. 

But he made sure to clean his room. Just in case. 

*****

Alex—well the whole town, really—always claimed he overdressed, so even if this wasn’t a date, the embroidered bomber jacket Achilles had adorned wouldn’t have raised any alarm bells. 

It would be best not to get his hopes up, though. Just in case. But as Achilles trudged through the half-shoveled snow to the saloon, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. 

Emily welcomed him the moment he stepped foot in the saloon, her eyes glittering as she took his arm. Haley, he saw, was coincidentally paying the Stardrop a rare visit today, having claimed a booth to herself despite the crowds and its accompanying damp, musty scent. She pursed her lips when he made eye contact, gave a wily little wiggle of her shoulders—really, quite remarkable how up in his business that button nose of hers could reach. He responded with a venomous grin and a raised middle finger. Incredibly impolite, of course, but he was only returning what she’d given him many a season ago. 

Achilles followed Emily down the back hall to where the private rooms lay (So… definitely a date, right?), where they stopped at the very last door. 

“Right along in here… oh, and would you look at that, I forgot to bring the menus. You go on in, I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, all right, Emily…”  

As she dashed away, arms held aloft like a ballerina, he took a deep breath, then pushed the door open. 

Immediately, Alex, who had been seated at a small table in quite a small private room, jumped to his feet, tripping over the wooden chair as he half-stumbled for the door. “Hey!” 

Oh fuck. 

Outside of the Flower Festival back in the Spring, Achilles had rarely seen Alex out of activewear and athleisure. The sight of those arms now, tight in the sleeves of a forest green cardigan, would’ve alone been enough to send even Leah’s heart racing, surely. But the lightly patterned, sage button down—well. A man after his own heart.

Alex’s hair was combed back, tidier than he’d ever seen it (though a part of Achilles did miss the casual, semi-messy curls of it all), and as he shut the door behind him, he noticed something more akin to vanilla and cinnamon had replaced Alex’s usual citrus scent. 

But Achilles quickly found his breath and shook himself out of his reverie, taking a step forward just as Alex finished picking up the chair he’d sent keeling to the floor. 

“Hi—”

“This-was-supposed-to-be-a-date-but-if-you-don’t-want-it-to-be-one-I-completely-understand-I-didn’t-mean-to-ambush-you-I’m-just-really-stupid-just-tell-me-whatever-it-is-you-want.” 

But Achilles could only blink, lost in Alex’s rather anxious, wild-eyed stare, eyes greener than ever in the rosy overhead lighting. 

Did you hear that right? It is a date—you were right, good for you. Wait. He definitely said date, right? He said it was a date. Confirm? Confirm— “Pardon?” 

“Also these are for you. I mean, if you want them.”

Alex half-shoved a cellophaned bouquet into Achilles’ hands. Half a dozen white roses and goldenrod wrapped in a emerald green ribbon. Not Pierre’s work, or even Jojamart’s. No, someone must’ve paid a visit to a Zuzu City florist. 

Date?

Yes! Date! 

Man, you gotta say something, bitch. 

“Oh. Thank you. These are… beautiful. Thanks. Yes. A date. I… assumed.” 

Assumed? Assumed? My god, what an arrogant prick you are. Get it together. What’s the matter with you?

He accepted the flowers from Alex, and in a sudden flash of inspiration, let his fingers linger on Alex’s for perhaps one or two seconds longer than necessary as the bouquet was passed between them. The effect was instantaneous—at this apparent affirmation of Achilles’, Alex’s visibly brightened, bounding back to the dinner table and pulling out Achilles’ chair for him. 

“Wow,” he exclaimed, scooting the chair forward as Alex hurried to the other end of the table. “I didn’t think people did that anymore. You do this for all the girls or just me?” 

“Don’t feel too special, I do that for everyone.”

“Damn. At least tell me I’m prettier than all the other girls you’ve dated.” 

“You know I don’t like lying, Ash, don’t make me do it.” Alex grinned, handing him a menu that Emily evidently had not forgotten to leave behind. 

“Zero for two. Well, it was worth a try.” God, shut up. He must’ve been more nervous than he realized. Babbling like this. Stupid jokes. Chill out, man. Why are you nervous? You’re never nervous! No reason to be nervous. He asked you out… you have all the power here. Yoba, shut the fuck up! Stop thinking like that! What’s wrong with you? Asshole! 

Achilles’ poker face was near to breaking as his self-disgust began to overwhelm his nerves, but he was luckily rescued by Emily, who had returned with a knock at the door. “No violin today, Al?” She shimmied in with her question, ignoring Alex’s groan, and raised her notepad, ready to take their orders. 

“I haven’t had Gus play the violin for me in 10 years, Emily, when is that joke ever going to die—” 

“Ask him about the violin,” she said, bumping Achilles’ shoulder with her hip. “And the Handbook.” 

“Emily—”

“Now just a warning for ya, it’s a bit busy tonight. Seems like lots of folks eager to get out after the storm, but Gus’ll get your order out shortly. Now what can I get for y’all?” 

A steak for Alex, linguine with mushroom cream for Achilles—with her usual spritely bow, Emily scampered from the room, leaving Alex still red from whatever merciless ribbing she had dealt him. 

“So,” Achilles began, lifting his glass of water. Perhaps a cold drink would wash away his lingering anxieties, though Emily’s return had broken most of the tension for him. “The violin…” 

With the defeated air of getting something over with, Alex took a similar swig from his water before launching into a hurried, one-breath explanation. “My grandpa gave me a dating handbook when I turned 13, and yes, I will admit I followed it pretty religiously up through college, so Haley really got to see the worst of it all, and she and Emily have never gotten over it, but hey, in my defense there’s some stuff in there that’s really not half bad, I swear.”  

“Like giving your date flowers? And pulling out their chair?”

Alex grimaced.

“Well shit, Al, I’m feeling less and less special by the second.” 

Here, Alex seemed to visibly deflate, sinking deeper into the back of his chair until Achilles, rather alarmed by the somewhat uncharacteristic lack of confidence—maybe he’s nervous, too, bitch—rapped his fingers sharply against the table. “I’m just joking, Al. Sorry, I’m being an ass, it’s very… charming.”

That seemed to be enough to pull Alex back to his usual self, and Achilles quickly plowed ahead, making sure to keep his tone light. “But the violin Emily mentioned?” 

“Ah. Yes.” Alex rubbed his nose, preparing his next words carefully as if gearing up for the worst. “Well, if you must know… according to the handbook, I’m supposed to start first dates with a little sort of violin serenade from Gus.” 

“You’re lying to me.” 

“I really wish I was.”

“And you actually… did that.” 

“Oh, just a few times. I don’t know man, my only source of dating advice when I moved here was my really old and old fashioned grandpa.”

“Fair enough. I’ll allow it.”

Alex chuckled, and once again took a quick sip from his drink just as Achilles raised his own. A lull in the conversation—but not an uncomfortable one, Achilles thought, as he took the opportunity to casually savor the view from over the rim of his glass. He hadn’t ever really allowed himself to do it before. It had always felt rather intrusive, salacious even, to stare for longer than a beat or so—but surely now, of all times, it was… okay. Right?

Clearly Alex had put in quite a bit of effort tonight, really, it felt wrong not to appreciate it all… anyway, it was hard to ignore those eyes sparkling from across the table, pink lips slightly parted as Alex readied himself to take probably his twentieth sip of water. Achilles could think of just a few other things he’d rather see those lips do, but he dug his thumb into his palm and refocused himself back to the present. You perv, he thought, his own lips twisting to the side as he attempted to hold back a wry grin. Get your mind out of the gutter.

It was Alex who broke the silence, with a tentative observation of his own. “You, um… you look really nice.” His fingers were locked tightly together as they rested atop the table, and through the floorboards, Achilles could feel the faint vibration of what must have been Alex bouncing his foot. “You don’t usually wear black.” 

“I do in the Winter, you’ll see. It tricks me into thinking I’m less cold than I am.” 

“Ha.” 

“You look good, too.” Achilles threw a nod in Alex’s general direction. “Probably should’ve opened with that, I was thinking it when I came in, but I suppose the words didn’t get a chance to make it out of my mouth.” 

“Oh!” A blush crept into the man’s cheeks as he glanced towards the floor. “Thank you. I- I wasn’t sure, personally, I told Haley I thought the sweater was too small, you know, but she, uh, she told me to shut up—” 

“Always, such a lovely, lovely girl.” Achilles’ eyes followed the well-defined slope of Alex’s bicep. “But she’s right. Don’t worry. It’s perfect.” 

“Well, I can’t really raise my arms…”

“Listen, I don’t know if you know this, but I actually come from a long line of really famous fashion designers, and by long line, I mean just my mother—”

“Man, you don’t know a dang thing about fashion—” 

“Fuck, 0/3—I thought this was supposed to be a date, why are you being so mean to me?”

“I’m not—well because—because you’re so calm, why are you always so calm, it’s pissing me off.” With a barking laugh, Alex chucked his napkin across the table as Achilles, rather bewildered by Alex’s uncharacteristically off-base observation, flung his hands instinctively in front of his face. 

“It’s incredibly kind of you to ignore the five mental breakdowns you’ve witnessed me have, is doing that part of your grandpa’s handbook, too?” But as Achilles slid the cloth back across the table, he became more serious, and he continued in a somewhat softer tone. “There’s no reason to be nervous, Al, it’s just me. Just think of all the times I’ve humiliated myself in front of you, eh?”

That elicited a small smile, at the very least. But while Achilles’ anxiety had since settled for the most part, it seemed Alex would need more than a weak joke. 

“Speaking of nerves though, how was the first day on the new job, Mr. Manager?” 

Achilles gave himself a private pat on the back as Alex jumped at the redirection, the apprehension in his eyes rapidly melting as he eagerly shared his new schedule. 

What a pro you are! Still got it… 

The conversation carried them all through Emily’s return with their appetizers and dishes—and it was only after she left (with a rather unnecessary promise of “leaving them undisturbed”), that Alex’s hands, so animated during his recounting, returned to tightly gripping the glass of his water. 

Achilles waited—as Alex would ruefully say—calmly. It was clear he had something to say.

And indeed, Alex cleared his throat with the tiniest cough and, after a quick glance at the door to confirm they were indeed alone, pulled his chair an inch forward. 

“Um. Right. Achilles. So. I thought I’d get a private room so we could… talk. I mean, not that we wouldn’t be able to talk if we didn’t have a private room, but it’s loud out there, and it’s what my grandpa’s handbook always said I should do anyway—I don’t know why I just admitted that, I’m sorry. Um, anyway, all that to say—you know, actually, I wrote myself some notes, sorry, give me a second…” 

He fumbled with something in the pocket of his chinos as Achilles smothered another smile. 

“This really makes me look like a nerd doesn’t it, but I just wanted to make sure I was… clear. About things. And didn’t forget anything, you know, especially after how stupid I was this morning. So if you could, um, maybe listen for a bit?” 

Achilles gave a smooth, little nod that managed not to betray the twitch that had returned to his limbs. “For sure. The floor’s all yours.” 

Alex grimaced and, taking a deep breath, unfolded a rather wrinkled piece of notebook paper and began to read aloud in a rather toneless, slow and slightly stuttered recitation. 

“When we first met, I was instantly drawn to you. And it wasn’t just because I was your number one fan.” He glanced up. “Ha.” Eyes dropped abruptly back down to the page as he continued. 

“I think a part of me knew we were destined to be great friends. And I was really happy when we actually did become friends. I had never had a friend like you. You were so smart and cool and you made me feel like I could actually do things with my life. I really liked spending time with you.

“And then during the blizzard, I…” The paper between Alex’s hands began to crinkle as his grip tightened ever so slightly, but he continued to stare, laser focused, on the scribbled words. “Well I started thinking that maybe I liked you as… more than a friend. It was confusing. I kept telling myself, ‘You can’t have these feelings for another guy.’ I mean, I’d never had feeling like this for anyone.

“But I thought about it a lot. Went back and forth a lot trying to decide, I was going crazy, really. And, well. I think I really like you. Like that. And that’s why I wanted to ask you out on a date to—what? Oh. I think I spelled ‘tonight’ wrong. Agh, stupid. Okay, anyway. And that’s why I wanted to ask you out on a date tonight.” 

With a bit of a sniff, Alex folded the paper back into quarters and gave Achilles a rather awkward, teeth-baring attempt at a smile. It was the most unflattering he had ever looked, in Achilles’ opinion, and somehow that made it all the better. Alex patted his folded notes and ended with a little nod. “Well. That’s it.” 

During the blizzard… 

So this had been a much more recent realization than Achilles had originally believed. 

Thank Yoba you didn’t make a move earlier. 

Had it really just been the kiss on the Mullner’s front porch? It had barely been a kiss—couldn’t have been less romantic if he’d tried. Was that really all it had taken to ignite this? He’d taken barely three days to think this through. Though, then again, he supposed Alex had always been the more impulsive one between them… Not everyone spends a whole week anguishing over pros and cons lists, you dumb bitch. 

“What was the turning point?” Achilles asked as Alex shoved the scrap of paper back into his pocket. “I’m just curious. These past few days, what made you ultimately decide that you… wanted this?” 

“Oh. During the storm.” Alex shoved the scrap of paper back into his pocket. “I don’t know, I guess I just realized… I don’t know. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it would’ve been to have been snowbound with you.” 

*****

After it became clear to Alex that Achilles was not going to escape out the back door of the saloon after hearing Alex’s prepared remarks, his usual optimistic countenance quickly returned. By the time the two dug into their dinners, they had managed to roll back into their usual groove, chatting and laughing with familiar ease all through dessert until Emily returned with the check. 

“Oh, I’ve got it—”

“Like hell you do—”

“I was the one who asked you out, I should pay—”

“Emily, give me the check or I’m never coming here again—”

“That’s an empty threat if I’ve ever heard one, the only thing you cook yourself is a boiled egg.”

Emily seemed to agree. She hip checked Achilles’s outstretched hand and, with a rather hyena-like cackle, seized Alex’s card before dodging Achilles once again on her way out. 

“You know, the Handbook says it’s proper for the man to always pay,” Alex said, snootily tossing his napkin onto his plate with a raised pinkie. “Now I don’t know what that means for us, exactly, but at least let me have this one, will you?” 

Achilles rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his chest as he craned his neck in search of nothing. “The napkin’s actually supposed to go on the left when you’re finished with your meal, but never mind that. Where’s Gus? Can someone get Gus? I want a violin serenade pronto.” 

*****

Haley had disappeared by the time the two emerged from the private room, but Achilles, who had eyes for only one person, didn’t notice her absence. Neither did he notice the thick clumps of snow now falling under the glow of the moon, even as Alex held open for him the Stardrop’s front door and said, “Want to take a walk? It’s not too late, I don’t think.” 

“Sure,” Achilles said with a soft smile. The bouquet Alex had gifted him was in one hand, and he tightened his scarf with the other as he stepped out into the cold. “Just a walk, though? Not a run?” 

“Oh, you want to run?” 

Without waiting for a response, Alex tore down the cobblestone path to the south. 

“Fuck—Al, you’re going to slip and break your neck—fucking athletes, I knew I’d sworn them off for a reason—“ 

But the wind covered his calls and his muttered curses, and he had no choice but to hurtle after Alex, laughing even as he skidded past a bewildered Lewis. He hadn’t jogged in a fat minute—not that he likely would’ve caught up to Alex anyway at his peak back in the Fall—but even despite the cold, he gave a merry chase, sprinting across the bridge until his foot found the soft, squishy crunch of slushy sand. There was snow on the beach. Of course there was—we just had a blizzard, you dolt. 

But even so, the strange sight came a surprise. He stopped to take in the cool glow of the snow, a white sheet stretching all the way down to the waves up ahead. It wasn’t deep, but the dampness still managed to seep through his boots. 

Luckily, the rest of him was all warmed up now, thanks to their mile race through Pelican Town. Whether that had actually been Alex’s intention, nervous energy, or the man just couldn’t help but exercise whenever given the opportunity, he wasn’t quite sure. Regardless, with a bit of a wheeze, he sidled up next to where Alex (who was infuriatingly not out of breath) stood waiting by Elliott’s cabin. The light was on, casting both arrivers in its mellow beam, but if the writer had noticed their arrival, he took care not to disturb them. 

“Can I, um… can I hold your hand?” 

“Hmm?” Achilles, who was still slightly bent at the waist catching his breath, glanced rather pitifully up at the green-clad figure above. 

“I just… I just figured it’d make the whole thing feel a little bit more like a date,” Alex, slightly red, said with the barest hint of a shrug. “I don’t know, sorry, is that weird? We don’t have to. It’s just that… it’s just  kinda felt like we’ve been… hanging out.” 

“We are hanging out,” Achilles said, slowly straightening himself up. “I mean, if we break it down, that’s basically what a date is, right?” 

“I guess…” 

Achilles had never exactly loved the concept of holding hands—he sweat too easily and it threw off his stride—but off of Alex’s blink-and-you-missed-it frown, he weaved his arm through Alex’s and led him towards the boardwalk.

Remember what Elliott said… 

Physical touch was never Achilles’ forte. It’s not that he disliked it. Quite the contrary (well, as long as it was in private). It was simply that non-sexual touch didn’t come as naturally to him as it did for others. Often more of an afterthought than something top of mind. But, as Elliott had reminded him, Alex, who greeted his friends with a hug nearly as often as he did a wave, would likely find more validation in something beyond the mere time they were spending together.

“Would you like to sit down?” Alex kicked a clump of snow off the wooden planks and into the water before laying down his coat and chuckling. “Shoot, I really feel like I’m 13. Yoba, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry, I promise, I’ve been on a lot of dates before—”

“Wow, we’ve got a veritable Casanova out here, everyone—”

“All right, that didn’t come out right, you know what I meant. Although I don’t really know what you meant just now—” 

“You’re a big baller.” 

“Okay, okay, no, I just… look, I just don’t know what to do. With you.” 

“A thing like that. You know how to make a boy feel special. What does the Handbook recommend?” 

Alex began to tick off his fingers as he huddled slightly closer to Achilles on the boardwalk. “Well we’ve had the dinner. I got you flowers. Pulled out your chair. Paid. Asked if we could hold hands. I didn’t want to spoil the surprise, but later I’m going to offer to walk you home if you must know.” 

“That’s adorable—you’re adorable—has anyone on your numerous dates before ever told you that?” 

“Man, I could beat you up.” 

“Why are you always threatening to beat me up?”

“Wasn’t it you who once said that every child deserves to get bullied just a little bit or something?” 

“Are you calling me a child?”  

“Man, I’m just making up for lost time, you don’t seem like someone who got shoved into a locker enough as a kid.” 

Despite the confidence in Alex’s quip, Achilles could feel the tension in the tightened muscles of his arm. The small space Alex had left between them had felt purposeful—tentative. Even now, Achilles watched as his hands fluttered from place to place, as if eager for something to hold, but too afraid to commit. 

Realizing it would be up to him to reassure a flustered Alex out of his hesitation, Achilles closed the gap, tightening the grip around his bicep and tucking his head onto his shoulder. The whole thing was admittedly rather stiff in its deliberateness, but as he better settled into the crook of Alex’s neck—felt Alex, who seemed to recognized the permission Achilles had silently granted, now reach eagerly for his hand—and inhaled the rich, velvety scent of vanilla, he believed there wasn’t a spot in the world he’d rather be. 

Minutes passed, and they listened to the waves crash against the shore. 

“Do you think Elliott’ll stay in the valley? If his book gets published?” 

“Hmm.” Achilles stirred—shit, had he nearly fallen asleep? Can’t fall asleep in your own damn bed, but everything’s always fine and dandy and soothing out here on this damp ass wood. What’s this boardwalk got on you?

Though maybe it wasn’t the boardwalk’s doing. 

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I’d like to think so. I hope he buys himself a better house at any rate… or at least a second chair…” 

“Have you been writing?” 

“Mmm. Not in the way you’re asking. Does it count if it’s in my head?” 

“I don’t see why not. But hey, I don’t make the rules.”  

Achilles sighed and lay slowly down, his back against the boardwalk as he gazed up at the stars. Alex followed, though he chose to lie on his side, one arm beneath his head, the other resting atop Achilles’ chest as his hand continued to grip Achilles’. 

“I’ve got an idea. Well, it’s the same idea I had before, if you remember those pages you snooped a look at when you were cleaning my house… I’ve got it pretty much outlined in my head and everything, it’s just… well you know. I want it to mean something. I want it to matter, I want to finally write something… more than all those kid books I wrote when I was younger, those were so simple, so… stupid. I just don’t know why it’s so fucking hard.” 

The stars twinkled above them, and Alex thumbed his hand. The soft touch, combined with the steady rhythm of the small movement, slowly sweetened the bitter hollow that seemed to have taken up semi-permanent residence in his chest. 

“Sometimes I think we’ve built up this idea that we have to always be, like, fighting for the things that we want. That if something isn’t hard then it must be wrong or, like… I don’t know. Not important.” Alex was tracing letters onto the back of Achilles’ hand now. “But I don’t know, maybe it’s the lazy bum part of me but sometimes—and I promise, I do mean sometimes, not all the time… but sometimes I do think things are easy because they’re the right thing to do.” 

Achilles turned his head. In the dark, Alex’s eyes were black, but under the glow of the moon, he could count the snowflakes on every lash. 

*****

“Well. Here it comes, drum roll please, everyone: can I walk you home?” Alex gave Achilles a hand as they rose from the boardwalk and didn’t let go as they exited the beach. 

“Only if you give me a copy of this Handbook later.” 

“I actually wonder if I do have a copy somewhere still… I don’t know, I’ve pretty much got it memorized at this point.”

“Because you’ve gone on so many dates.”

“Yeah, exactly. I was a real Casa—Cassiopeia? What did you say before?”

“Casanova? Wait, did you say Cassiopeia—fairly niche mythological reference—”

“What can I say, I’m full of surprises. Anyway, whatever, I was hot stuff before you got to know me, you know.” 

“Man, shut the fuck up, you were hot stuff even while I knew you, remember Abigail’s birthday party…” 

The two laughed as they made their way back to Strawberry Farms, taking the slightly longer route through Cindersap Forest, despite the cold and the late hour.

Alex walked him to the porch. The motion sensor lights Achilles had installed nearly a year ago had flickered on the moment they passed the shipping bin, and so they stood awash in the weak fluorescence of a buzzing overhead lamp. 

He was lingering—definitely lingering, biting his lip in typical Alex-fashion, his eyes dancing everywhere except Achilles’ face. And after a beat, Achilles—ever impatient—said, “All right, are you going to ask me if you can kiss me now?” 

Alex jumped—actually jumped. “Oh.” Between rapid blinks, he managed to stutter, “Do you want me to ask you?” 

“I—it was a joke.” 

“Do you want me to?” 

“It was a joke. You know, with the Handbook. I assumed you were just gearing up for Step 5 or whatever step we’ve reached…”  

“Oh. No, I’m not supposed to kiss anyone until the third date. Obviously. Anything sooner is impolite and im… dang, what was the other word… immoral? Is that a word? Yes. Immoral. Obviously.” 

“What?” Achilles stepped back, throwing a hand to his forehead in mock shock. “Fuck, so this whole time, my whole life—I’ve just been a slut? Shit, I always knew it—” 

Alex laughed, but, to Achilles’ surprise, took a small, shy step forward.  “Do you want me to ask you?” 

Taking a page from Alex’s book, Achilles found himself biting his own lip as he met Alex’s inscrutable gaze. “I—Yes.” 

A pause. And then, “Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes.” 

In one step, Alex closed the remaining foot between them. His hands gripped the back of Achilles’ neck, and with a boldness he had been so hesitant to demonstrate earlier this evening, Alex cupped his face and kissed him. 

He tasted like vanilla and he tasted like gold and as Achilles let himself drown in the molten glow of his touch, he found he felt… happy. 

But the kiss didn’t last long—barely a second, really, for Alex’s lips had almost instantly parted upon impact in that wide-toothed grin of his, his tongue peeking out per usual—and the two of them quickly dissolved into laughter.  

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Alex whispered, still half-laughing as he leaned his forehead into Achilles’. “That was… really bad. I swear I’m better than that—”

“Yeah, all that practice being hot stuff and all—”

“Hey, it’s not my fault I was born so dang se—” 

“Stay the night.” But through the sleeves of a slightly-damp coat, he felt Alex stiffen, and so Achilles hurried to add, “We don’t have to do anything. I don’t expect anything. We can just talk. I just… I don’t want you to leave just yet.” 

Immediately, Alex slackened as a small but earnest smile returned to his face. 

“Ok.” 

*****

Achilles put on some late night tea as Alex took a seat in the kitchen, Voltaire already snuggled in his lap. 

Over the course of the blizzard, Achilles had finally moved the typewriter from where it had been sitting, like a monument to all his shortcomings, untouched upon the table. Not that he’d gotten around to taking it out of the box—it was now sitting underneath his desk, still packaged—but, hey, small steps.

Sitting in the center of the kitchen table now were a dozen white roses and goldenrod blooms in Achilles’ favorite (well, only remaining) vase.

“I can boil you an egg, too, if you’d like,” Achilles said, lips twitching as he slid over a cup of chamomile tea and a tray of strawberry scones he’d purchased from Pierre’s that afternoon.

“Ya know what, that sounds great, but I’m actually good. But thanks.” 

It was easy—so easy to just sit here, together. He shouldn’t have expected anything less. It had always been easy with Alex. 

They sat across the table from each other. Perhaps if Achilles had remembered Elliott’s advice, had been a little bit more thoughtful of a person, he would’ve moved closer—held Alex’s hand again, maybe bump his knee with his own. But in the moment, he was too drunk on his own happiness to give Alex’s prospective wants the consideration they likely should’ve deserved. 

The scones and tea had long disappeared, but the two were eager to use any excuse to prolong the end of the evening—from walking through the schedule for Elliott’s book reading tomorrow to dissecting the latest season of The Bachelor (which neither of them actually watched, yet both were somehow still in the know), it wasn’t until the clock struck midnight that Achilles, in begrudging acknowledgment that any further delays would throw off his finely tuned sleeping schedule, slapped the table and stood.

“Well. I’ve got some extra toothbrushes and some clothes you can borrow, if that works for you. Ready to call it a night?” 

*****

What is wrong with you. 

It was Alex who was in the shower right now, but it was Achilles’ good mood that seemed to be dripping down the drain. 

God, why can’t you just enjoy things, you bastard. 

Surely he deserved to be happy, even if just a little bit, right? Yes, surely being happy was allowed. Then why was it now feeling like some sort of… betrayal? 

Fuck, who is there even to betray, bitch? Get yourself together. No one wants to date a grump. 

He needed to be better. Alex deserved better. Alex, who was like light and like stars. Alex, who was turning out to be everything and more than what he ever had hoped to imagine. He could be better, if this stupid ass mood of his would just go away. 

Where did you even come from? Get out and mind your own damn business and let me be happy for once.

Lost in thought, he didn’t notice the water shutting off—neither did he hear Alex call his name as he stood sourly against the wall of his bedroom, half-dressed, still trying to duke it out with his own brain. 

“Achilles? What are you thinking about?”

“Hmm?” He snapped his head towards the voice. 

“You’re thinking about something.” Alex had emerged from the bathroom wearing a set of sweatpants and an old t shirt Achilles had found at the back of a drawer. “I can see it on your face, what is it?” 

“Mmm.” Achilles massaged the bridge of his nose and set a glass of water down by the nightstand before opening the top drawer to retrieve something small. “Nothing I haven’t already thought pretty much to death.” 

Alex cocked his head, a knowing look on his face as he padded around the bed to take a seat behind the desk. “Want to think about it to death with me?” 

“I— No.”

“You sure?” 

Achilles uncrossed his arm only to cross them again. “I mean, we’re on a date…” 

“Sure, but we’re still friends, aren’t we?”   

Fuck. 

Always with the patience of a saint. He didn’t deserve him—hell, was there anyone on this planet who deserved him? And strangely, with this thought, as quickly as his mood had come did it fade. Maybe it was true that nobody deserved Alex, but for some unbelievable reason Alex wanted him, and he trusted Alex’s judgement, so hey, who was Achilles to deprive him of that? 

“It’s fine. Really. Like I told you before, it comes and goes…. Here.” Achilles held out his hand, dropping the item he’d retrieved from his nightstand into Alex’s open palm. “This is yours. Held onto it for awhile there, didn’t I. Sorry about that.”

“Oh! Yes, thank you!” Alex rested his arm across his leg to better clasp the thin leather watch around his wrist. “Wow, I totally forgot—I guess you should probably take yours back, too, here—”

But before he could remove the smart watch, Achilles bent to snatch Alex’s wrist, holding his arm up tightly between them. The sharp movement triggered a rather equally sharp intake of breath from the watch-wearer, but Achilles pretended not to notice, biting back his smirk as he glanced at the steps recorded on the watch face—a higher number than he was used to seeing, that was for sure, even with all his jogs.  

“Mmm. Actually. You want to keep it? You’re probably getting more use out of it than I did.” 

“Oh no, that’s all right—”

“I’m not sure if this one’s waterproof, though… have you tried swimming with it?”

“Oh. Maybe? I don’t really remember taking it off. Sorry, was that bad?” 

“Eh.” Achilles, his fingers still splayed taught around Alex’s wrist, unclasped the watch and chucked it behind him where it fell about a foot short of the nightstand.

“Good aim.” 

“I’ll get you a newer one.” 

“Achilles, no, stop, man, you don’t have to do that—”

“Shh, no, no, just let me buy you things, what else am I good for?” 

But he said the words with a lazy smile, and after running his hand through his hair, bent to retrieve the smart watch from the floor. 

When he turned back from the nightstand, he noticed Alex watching him with a curious, wide-eyed innocence quite at odds with the subject of his stare. Mirroring the characteristic tilt of Alex’s own head, Achilles, his lips twitching as he held in a laugh, slowly knelt until he finally caught Alex’s eye. 

The man immediately flushed scarlet, shutting his slightly parted mouth with a snap as he turned quickly away from Achilles’ unclothed chest. “Ah—sorry.” 

“For what? Making me feel good about myself?” Achilles chuckled, straightening back to full height. “Although you’ve watched me swim a million times, you should know there’s nothing nearly as impressive to look at as what you see in the mirror every damn day—”

“Stop that.” Alex aimed a light kick before jumping up from the chair and joining him by the nightstand. “I think you’re perfect, you know.” 

“Aw, Alexander, aren’t you just the swe—”

“Just physically, of course. There’s still some work to do up here.” He tapped Achilles’ forehead. 

“All right, bitch—” 

But he silenced Achilles with a hand to his chest—except that wasn’t quite it, was it?

Fuck. 

He could feel his body heat—or maybe it was his own body that was suddenly beginning to blaze. From anticipation? From impatience? For Alex’s actual hand was hovering just barely a centimeter above his skin. 

Dammit, just touch me, Alex. 

But before he could speak, Alex, his voice wavering slightly, murmured, “Can I?”

Always so damn polite. 

“Yes.” 

He wasn’t exactly sure what he had expected, but it definitely wasn’t for Alex to reach first for his hand, tracing each of Achilles’ fingers, the lines of his palm, slowly, as if savoring each divot and crease. It was, if he was honest, a little strange, but he said nothing, only breathed, ragged and rough, as Alex’s own fingers traveled up to his wrist, up his forearm, to his bicep where they lightly circled the band tattooed on his skin. 

Achilles closed his eyes. Relished the callused touch upon his collarbone that burned even with the lightest brush. Gentle. Everything so gentle. 

One hand slipped to his lower back, and Alex’s touch on his bare skin sent a quiver through his body—he felt Alex pull him closer, felt him rest his forehead against his own. His breath was warm, but smelled faintly of peppermint. 

Alex’s thumb parted his lips with a tenderness Achilles had never before allowed himself. 

“Can I try again?” The whisper tickled his ear and a velvet thrill itched his heart. “I promise it’ll be better this time.” 

Achilles nodded. 

And yet, despite it being his own ask, Alex’s hesitance seemed to have returned. A delicate, trembling sigh seemed to be serving as the entr’acte before this second at, and so it was Achilles this time who closed the gap. 

Perhaps he should’ve been gentle, perhaps he should’ve been polite, but he wanted it and he had wanted it and Alex was here, asking for it— 

Utterly helpless, a moth to Alex’s flame. Yet it was Achilles who pulled him in with the hunger of a dying fire and kissed him as if he were oxygen, like he was fuel. Electricity sparked through every vein as his hands raked through still-damp hair, along his neck, his shoulders, muscles taut and tight and touching him back—it was rash and reckless, and surely it was right—

But something nagging at the back of his mind managed to pierce through his desperate desire, and, not without difficulty, Achilles pulled himself away. To give himself a second to better regain control of himself, to give Alex a second to better decide—

Are you sure you want this, too? 

He slowed his breathing, let his hands drop from Alex’s hips. Prepared for the worst. 

Was I too fast? Too rough? Too much? 

For the first time, he found himself unable to meet Alex’s emerald gaze—that precise shade of green had, at some point, become synonymous for safety, so why was he suddenly so afraid? 

He could feel Alex watching him, though his own eyes he kept glued to the ground. Achilles had never felt so scrutinized. So small. 

Then, a hand on his neck. A finger resting below his ear, a thumb along his jaw. And Achilles was brought back to Spirit’s Eve. The first time Alex had kissed him. Had all been a character for Alex back then, a costume. How far had they come… 

Alex slowly lifted his chin and asked in a voice, soft and tentative, “Is… is that what you like?” 

“I—what? Yes, wh—Alex, what do you like—”

But Alex cut him off—seized him, kissed him, frenetic and greedy and deep and hard, and Achilles was set aglow. He pushed Alex towards the bed. Shoved him—not unkindly—down atop the duvet, straddled him and lifted his face up to better meet his own. His hands tugged at Alex’s shirt—god, just get that off—he wanted to feel him, more of him, all of him, he was burning, and wanting, and he very nearly got his wish—shirt halfway off, one hand clinging to the bare hollow of his back—until he was shoved unceremoniously off Alex’s lap and onto the floor. 

“What the fuck—”

“Shit—sorry—I’m sorry, I—fuck—” 

Achilles—ricocheting between irked and concerned—stumbled to his feet, cheeks red, and managed to spit out only one word whilst retrieving the pieces of his pride. “What?” 

He took a pause before following Alex’s avoidant gaze down to his lap, where Alex’s hands lay stiffly between his legs. 

“Oh.” Achilles wiped some imaginary dust off his hands as he pushed aside any lingering embarrassment. “Don’t apologize. You know, I, in fact, actually have a penis, too. I get it, it happens.” Wow! Great job not being awkward! Fucking idiot. But upon seeing Alex’s continued discomfort, he added in a less lighthearted tone, “I meant what I said earlier, Al, we don’t have to do anything. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—” 

“Can—actually, can we talk?” 

“Of course. That’s why I invited you over, right? To talk. It was you who seduced me, you wench. Here.” He pinched his nose—can’t you sound normal just once in your life—and tossed Alex an extra pillow after pulling back the sheets. “We can… put that between us if you’d like, just… give me a second…” 

Achilles usually slept in just a pair of boxers, but after this most recent turn of events, he thought it best to head to the closet for a t shirt. His instincts were validated upon his return—Alex had indeed set the pillow in the middle of the bed, and was now clutching it like a life line. 

He paused, one hand on the corner of the covers. “I— I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I can actually sleep on the couch if you’d like. I’m sorry, I should’ve—”

“No. No, no, no, that’s not it at all, no, it’s, um. It’s something else. I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry. It’s… well, it’s me. I’m the problem.” 

“Now don’t say that…” Achilles slipped slowly beneath the duvet, taking care not to accidentally touch as he gave both Alex and the pillow quite a wide berth. He lay on his back, as he usually did, hands folded across his chest. “Talk to me, Al. Floor is yours.”

He had left his bedside lamp on—it was a rather dim glow, usually reserved for late night reading or the crossword if he was having particularly bad sleep troubles, but he could still make out Alex’s furrowed brow from atop the pillow between them. 

“I… um…” A small sigh. Achilles watched Alex rub his face before turning to face the ceiling, one hand still kneading his forehead. “I, um, well… I don’t think—no. I, um…” 

“Do you want me to turn the light off? Will that help?”  

“No, it’s fine. Leave it on, I… I want to see you.”

“Man, you’re not even looking at me.” 

Alex clicked his tongue and continued to stare at the ceiling, but Achilles caught the corners of his mouth turn up just the slightest bit. “Okay, okay, you got me there…”

“Mmhm.” 

“It’s just that… Well. I just…”

This was a mistake. He doesn’t like you like that. He doesn’t want you. 

“I think there’s something wrong with me.” 

Oh. 

Achilles waited for further explanation, but Alex seemed somewhat disinclined to say more, (though in the subsequent silence, Achilles could hear the slight scrape of what was likely aggressive teeth gnashing). After waiting a respectable two minutes for an elaboration, Achilles took it upon himself to lightly prod. “Is it because… you’re… bisexual—” 

“I don’t think I’m bi.” 

“Oh.” Oh. Achilles had masked his surprise quickly, but even so, perhaps it was a good thing Alex wasn’t looking at him. No need to make the guy even more self conscious. “Well. Allow me to be the first person to say there’s nothing wrong with being gay either, if that’s what it is—” 

“That’s not it, I don’t— well. No, I wanted to—You see, what happened was—I- I don’t… I…” 

Alex’s eyes were now full on closed, his hand rather zealously rubbing the bridge of his nose. 

“I’ve had sex before. To be clear. Like a lot of sex. Oh god, why’d I say it like that.” 

“Ah.” Achilles couldn’t help but wince. “It… it would’ve been all right if you hadn’t… to be clear.” 

“I mean, not with a guy.” 

He responded smoothly. “Sure. I assumed.” 

Another sigh, though this one had the hint of a growl as Alex’s exasperation continued to balloon. “Shit. Shoot. This is—well this is obviously not going how I wanted it to— I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying, I just. I’m nervous. About what you’re going to say, and think, and… I just…” 

Fuck, Achilles just wanted to hold him—but the situation was nebulous, and so he instead held his own hands, still resting across his chest, tighter, and kept his voice even. “It’s just me, Al. Like you said earlier, we’re still friends. You can tell me whatever, I’m not going to judge.” 

“But you might.” 

“I won’t.” 

“But you might.” 

“Alexander—” 

“I just—Well. I’ve never been in love before.” 

Finally, Alex turned to face Achilles. He lay on his side, his arms still fiercely wrapped around the pillow, and his face remained troubled—brows knitted, his lower lip drawn between his teeth.

“I was, um, 12, 13 when I moved here. Showed up to middle school smack dab in the middle of term. I was the new kid with a dying mom. Made me interesting, I think. Everyone wanted to be my friend. You know how it is…

“What caught me off guard though, was how many girls wanted to be my friend. Or, I guess, more than my friend, but it was middle school so I mean, how real could a relationship actually be, right…”

It wasn’t hard to imagine a 12 year old Alex—chubbier cheeks, probably, but the same freckles, the same large green eyes and sunny disposition—combine that with a tragic backstory and New Kid Novelty, and it was easy to see why the girls at Meridian Middle School had flocked to him. 

“It was… weird. I didn’t like it. I didn’t understand what they wanted from me… or why.

“And I pretty quickly realized, well, everyone was either girl crazy or boy crazy or both. Not just girls. My guy friends, too. Man, that’s all folks spent lunch yapping on about, who had a crush on who and whatever. I just didn’t get it—man, I just wanted to talk about grid ball. I don’t know, it was like that part of puberty just… never hit me, I guess…

“But after awhile, I think I just kind of assumed that everyone felt the way I did, but you just…weren’t supposed to talk about it. 

“Like I somehow logic-ed it out in my head that your girlfriend was just your best friend who happened to be a girl. And going on dates and stuff, that was just part of having a girlfriend. Like how when you’re a kid you have play dates, when you have a girlfriend you have, well, just… dates. I mean didn’t you say earlier, a date’s basically just hanging out, right? Especially in middle school. It’s just all part of like this script you were supposed to follow—and I mean, it couldn’t have helped that I literally had a dating handbook from my grandpa that was giving me step by step directions, telling me specific things to do. 

“Well anyway… I kept feeling this way, even into high school. People stopped being so boy crazy and girl crazy and whatever then, and I stopped feeling so paranoid, stopped overthinking it.

“And then I dated Haley for two years. Everyone kept telling me to ask her out, so I figured I would. If everyone was saying we’d be perfect together, they must be right, right? She was my first serious relationship. 

“And dating her actually made me feel—well, better. Validated? Is validated the right word? I liked hanging out with her, she was already my best friend, but, I don’t know, she never seemed that into me in any sort of fancy romantic way, she never really wanted to make out or hook up or anything all that often, and I thought, okay so maybe all that stuff really is all just an act, just stuff for movies, maybe I was right all along.

“Of course, that all came crashing down after she told me she was gay. She kept going on about ‘attraction’ and how it wasn’t a me problem, that she didn’t feel that way about any guys at all, that it was girls she liked, and I remember just nodding along because, honestly, I was just confused. 

“I mean, what even is attraction? I’d never thought about that much, not until she was going on and on about it. But when she was describing it, I realized that there was… something else that I was supposed to be feeling. Something I was missing. But it’s hard, you know, like how do you know what it is you’re missing if you’ve never been able to feel it in the first place? 

“You know, side note, funnily enough, after she came out, I actually had a second there where I wondered if maybe I was gay, too. Haley had never had a crush on a guy, I’d never felt that way about a girl—whatever “that way” was supposed to be feel. But I thought about it for a bit and ended up deciding I’d never felt that way about a guy either. And I’d been around a whole lotta guys. Sports camp, swim team… nothing.

“So I figured, well, I went back to square one. Maybe this is just how everyone feels. Maybe I just hadn’t met the right girl, maybe I should just give it some time. Maybe I needed to loosen up. So I just kept going through the motions. Doing what I thought everyone my age was doing.

“I was just so caught up with trying to find or feel or whatever, trying to prove that I was normal. So even though I had a bunch of solid excuses to not care about it all—swimming. Making the Artemics team. My grandparents getting sick—I think a part of me was…. I don’t know. Desperate. To find that feeling that I’d been missing, find that person. So I just kept… you know. Going out on dates. And… other stuff. Just nonstop.” 

Alex seemed to be approaching the crux of his story now. He sucked in a deep breath between his teeth before turning away again while his hands abandoned the pillow to rest atop his own chest, fingers softly tapping between his rib cage. 

“I thought sex was like… you know. Just something you were supposed to do. Like… shaking someone’s hand when you meet them for the first time or… saying thank you when someone opens the door for you. Like it’s just expected you do it. Hold a girl’s hand. Kiss her. Have… sex with her. I didn’t realize people actually wanted… like really wanted to… do these things. Beyond it making the other person happy. Like, I didn’t realize people actually had the… urge to do it. If that makes any sense. 

“Like I remember in college, one of my friends, his girlfriend kept cheating on him and I just couldn’t understand why, you know? Like why was it so hard for her not to cheat? Like, what could you possibly be feeling that made you do that, like, what was the reason, why would you sabotage something so easily in your control? And for my friend—why was it so hard, just break up with her already. Like, why stay with someone who… isn’t treating you good?” 

There was a small pause, but rather than dwell on darker memories, Alex continued steadily on. 

“I know there’s probably more to it, but I guess I just didn’t understand that kind of love. That feeling of… being in love with someone. I had never felt it before. That is…” 

Achilles felt Alex stir under the covers, felt him shift his weight as he turned onto his side, peaked his head back above the pillow like a turtle to look at him, a small smile now on his face.“That is, until last week. With you.

“You’re the first person, Ash. And I don’t know why, I don’t know why it’s you—don’t get me wrong, I’m… I’m glad it is.” He laughed, and to Achilles’ surprise, he reached across the pillow for his hand. 

“And I see why now it took me so long to even realize there was something wrong with me, that I was missing something, because how could anyone have ever really described to me what this feels like? Attraction. Even now, feeling it now, it’s just… wow. It’s like friends. Like best friend, I don’t know. But… different. And I like it.” 

Alex’s tiny sigh of satisfaction sent Achilles heart beating faster, but the rate at which Alex’s remaining hand was tapping against his chest began to quicken as well, and his tone grew more serious. 

“But if I’m honest, I… Well. I still feel like a part of me is missing something. In regards to, well… well, just… sex. Like… wanting to have sex. 

“I don’t understand why, because I really really like you, I do, and I… well I really liked kissing you. And stuff. And I… well… well normally I spend the time trying not to think about how gross the whole concept of making out with someone kind of is, but for the first time in my life ever, I… I want to do it. Like want to do it. Again. I mean of course, only if you, I don’t know… ever want to do it with me again… Shit. I sound 12, don’t I? Yoba, listen to me, we’ve had one date, you might never want to see me again.” 

A rather sheepish smile—Alex ran his free hand through his hair. 

“I don’t get it, I don’t get why it feels different, you’d think it’d be the same thing, wanting to be close to someone, wanting to kiss someone, wanting to have sex with them, I don’t know. Wow, I don’t think I’ve said sex as many times in my life as I have just now. What a weird word. Ok, sorry, anyway, I don’t know why I feel one but not the other now. I don’t get it, there’s just… something wrong with me, I don’t know. 

“I know this probably doesn’t make much sense, because I’ve hooked up with lots of people before that that I didn’t feel anything for, but I just… because I like you, and because I… do want to be with you, I want to… I don’t know, I want to… want it with you. Like, I want it to feel better, more, I don’t know, purposeful, than all the other times. 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that having sex was, like, traumatic or anything in the past—no one forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do—I mean, I never wanted to do it, but only in the sense that I never had, like, the urge to do it. I wanted to want it, but every time I did it, it just felt like… I don’t know. A chore. Yeah. It felt like a chore, and honestly, according to a lot of the girls I dated, I was pretty dang bad at it —for reasons that, you know, now make a lot more sense—until I learned how to, you know— actually, we don’t have to get into that—um, well—anyway, back to what I was saying—

“And, I don’t know, I’d stopped hooking up with people by the time I left school. Given up, I guess, just figured there was something wrong with me. And just thinking about sex in general now makes me kind of…anxious. And I don’t want it to feel like that with you, I don’t want to… bring that in there, if that makes sense. I want this to feel… different. 

“Shit, wow, I guess all of this to say… super long story just to ask I guess… to just… I guess what I’m asking is if we can… can we take it slow? Is that stupid to ask? Is that, like, super lame? At 25 years old? Or I guess 28 in your case… geez…”

It took a second before Achilles, still digesting everything Alex had shared, realized he’d been asked a question. It was those green eyes—blinking wide-eyed rather expectantly—that jolted him back to the present, and with a small jump, he rushed to respond with something more akin to a squeal, “Not at all!” But worried that his hasty and high-pitched response (ugh) suggested a sentiment something more to the contrary, Achilles hurried to grip Alex’s hand tighter and said more firmly, “We’ll go as slow as you want. Slow as you need.” 

The reassurance seemingly failed to land, as Alex turned slightly away. “I… I know sex is… important to a lot of people, and it’s stupid to ask you to wait, it’s not like there’s a good reason—”

“—Al, any reason is a good reason—”

“—and I don’t want you to wait if you don’t want to, I mean like, if you’re someone who likes sex and, well, wants it…” Alex trailed off, but watched Achilles intently as the latter reached slowly over the pillow to brush aside some of the hair that had fallen into his face. 

“I mean, I won’t lie, Al. Like, I like having sex.” Achilles snorted, moving his hand down, tracing the line of Alex’s jaw. So smooth… the man shaved religiously, a holdover habit now unlikely to be broken anytime soon with his return to the competitive swimming world. “But I like you more. I think.”

Alex laughed, placing his hand now over Achilles’ to cup his own face. 

“No, but in all seriousness, it’s fine. Thank you for telling me this.” 

“But are you really sure? You’re fine with waiting? I… I don’t know how long it’ll be. I wish I could give you a timeline, I mean I wish I could say for sure it’ll actually even happen, to be honest, I don’t even know, but then I again I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love, but I see now these are different, and I don’t want to overpromise something that may not ever actually—” 

“Al, seriously. It’s fine. I’ll wait forever as long as I’m waiting with you.” 

This time, Alex’s smile reached his eyes, igniting that glimmer of mischief. He gave Achilles’ hand a firm, final smack before turning onto his back once again. “Well… forever’s an awfully long time, I think at a certain point I’d just… well, you know.” He made a circle with his left thumb and pointer finger and began to slowly move his right index finger towards it before Achilles whacked his shoulder. 

“Boy, I swear to Yoba—”

But Alex cut him off with a surprise kiss on the cheek. There was a careless sweetness to it, and despite the comparative innocence of the gesture, Achilles immediately bloomed pink—but as Alex returned to lying down, letting himself collapse atop the pillow, there was one final furrow still striking his brow. 

“I just… are you… disappointed? Achilles?” 

“What?” 

“I know, I know, you said it’s fine, but I just… I just want to… I don’t know. Are you disappointed? In me? You’ll tell the truth, won’t you?” 

Achilles understood. The need to hear a specific set of words—the hunger for honesty alongside the anxious ache for approval. He kept it simple. “I’m not disappointed in you. And you could never disappoint me.” 

It was remarkable, the speed at which those words transformed him; like night and day, Alex was now beaming like a sunrise. With a jaunty little wriggle, he pulled the covers up to his chin. “Okay. I’ll stop being sad now. I’ve ruined your sleep schedule enough and you’ve got a big day tomorrow.” 

“Elliott’s got a big day tomorrow, I’ve got like, a medium day.” But even so, Achilles leaned over the nightstand to flick off the lamp. 

“Medium shmedium… good night, Ash.” 

The pillow still rested between them, but Achilles didn’t mind. He knew Alex was there, and he knew now for sure Alex wanted him. 

He wasn’t sure how long he spent replaying the evening in his head—perhaps Alex had already fallen asleep, it was, admittedly quite a lot to digest—but nevertheless, at some point Achilles found himself suddenly speaking into the darkness.  

“It’s a thing, you know. Asexuality. Aromanticism. There’s a spectrum for both, but it’s all…  valid. It’s all… real, for lack of a better word, what you’ve felt and not felt in the past. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

#llnks #stardew alex #stardew fanfic #aspec fanfic #sdv fanfic #alex stardew #sdv alex #sdv oc #asexuality #ace positivity #sorry this was later than usual I am at urgent care lmfao

[werewolf-kat]

(Pokemon Presents spoilers)

Oh heck, didn't care for any of the other stuff but that final announcement was a total surprise. All the Unowns made me think something Johto-related was coming up. But it's Kalos and bringing back mega evos! (Which I actually do miss after they've been gone for ages now...)

The way the logo animation first showed "Z" alone actually brought back some of that old feeling of speculating Pokemon games and the "Crystal/Emerald/Platinum" entry for having trio versions again. (Though nowadays the novelty of that has died out for me)

I fondly remember people wishing for a Pokemon Z so we could see more love and lore for Zygarde. Gotta say, I am still a Zygarde fan myself.

But then the logo also showed an A afterward!

"ZA" being backwards "AZ" brings interesting story/lore possibilities to mind. I liked Legends Arceus way more than the main series Switch games so far. And with Kalos, X/Y did feel like weak games (to me) that had some lost story potential back in the 3DS days. I'd love to see what they do with that for a Legends game! Maybe stuff they couldn't fit into X/Y at the time?

Still nervous about release dates, though. I uh, heavily dislike TPCI's regulations and deadlines to force big Pokemon games every year or two (and primarily putting that on one dev company). Screw them. I want the franchise to have soul and love again. Legends Arceus really felt like that to me despite it feeling like it released too early too. Let the dev teams breathe, man.

(I have some criticisms toward how Gamefreak manages employees themselves too, though... )

Other than that, Idk if they're gonna attempt to jump onto some X/Y remake to pair with Legends ZA like they did to D/P... -sweats- For better or for worse, B/W would get skipped. With how the climate is right now for Pokemon, I lean on it being for the best. Gen 5 was peak for me. Even then, I don't think any of the original games should "deserve" a remake quite yet unless the development is handed to a different company and given a more reasonable deadline to not release one of the most unfinished games in Pokemon so far.

Felt so bad for a friend of mine who loves Gen 4 and Sinnoh a ton. Man, I'm sorry that happened to you guys in the Sinnoh apprecation/love camp. That was a disaster to witness. At least Legends Arceus was great? (We can pretend the DP remakes didn't happen and all we did need was PLA for a refreshing revisit to a Pokemon region...)

#wk speaks #pokemon #pokemon presents 2024 #gaming #gamefreak #tpci #creatures inc.

[grimmmviewing]

S1E13: “Three Coins in a Fuchsbau”—C+ (Watched 3/12/24)

“Damn, I know this place. Bought my second engagement ring from this guy.” – Hank (just in case we ever forgot he’s been married multiple times)

While the title of this episode has some heist-y, Coen-brothers-film-like energy, most of what we get here is much more lore/series plot related. It’s not that this stuff isn’t also interesting—or that there aren’t some fun standalone moments in the mix—but just that this is a less whimsical or charming episode than the title suggests and that feels serious in ways that even previous episodes with darker subject matter didn’t.

I haven’t really talked performances too much in these reviews, but Titus Welliver as Farley Kolt does a great job handling some of the more critical elements of this episode’s plot. He has a lot of information that he needs to convey with gravitas—about the seductive ancient coins at the heart of the story and about Nick’s background, which is closely tied to the pursuit of the coins. Welliver manages to make it all feel important and believable while coming across as someone with a lot of confidence and secrets. He really sells this character who’s meant to dance on a knife’s edge between trustworthy and untrustworthy. Among the other details, we learn a smidge more about the power Grimms wield (resistance to the coins), which is nice, given that so far it’s been kind of a question mark, apart from seeing Wesen as they are and maybe some nebulous sense of extra strength.

Using the coins to explain historical events like the disasters that befell Roman emperors is a fun, ultimately harmless bit of fantastical worldbuilding, but the reveal that Adolf Hitler was A) in possession of the coins and B) a Wesen creates… complications. It’s a lot harder to accept this bit of history being dressed up with Grimm fantasy than the stuff about Rome, in part because it just feels closer/more modern and also because it offers what amounts to an excuse for Hitler’s actions: He was under the influence of the coins, which makes him not entirely responsible.

Making Hitler a literal monster further undermines the reality—that he was a man (a human), aided and abetted by still other men, who did horrible things. “Evil” is perpetrated by humans, and the way in which Hitler has already been as good as mythologized as some sort of unique case is part of why more contemporary instances of authoritarian or genocidal behavior aren’t taken seriously, I think (I’ve heard other people say in the past). We’ve been conditioned to see that sort of evil as something titanic and aberrant to the point that it could only ever be recognizable as what it is, but it starts somewhere, sown from perfectly unremarkable human actions, and by the time it’s in full flower, that’s when the problem has gone on too long.

I think 2012 was a different time, though, when white nationalism and conspiracies were still seen as fringe elements of American culture—the former being powerless and the latter maybe just fun(ny) and not to be taken seriously. Over time, of course, the climate has changed. White nationalism is on the rise, and both it and conspiratorial thinking feel more mainstream and dangerous than they have in my lifetime. I never thought I’d see anti-vax sentiment be such a widely-held conviction, for example, but here we are! Obviously, Grimm is, at most, being kind of problematic here. I don’t want to oversell it as some sort of affront in and of itself. It’s just a lot harder to indulge in the “what ifs” these days. When I first started this project, I was actually shocked at the reminder of how long Grimm had run. It was only six years, but between 2011 and 2017, it feels like so much changed about the American political and cultural landscape. It started during the Obama years and ended under Trump, what feels like a titanic shift in what constituted our “normal.”

Leaving aside any real-world discomfort, though, I still think the full Hitler reveal on the old film at the end of the episode feels like too much. It’s meant to be this ominous image—perhaps a look at where Renard could have ended up if they didn’t get the coins away from him, or even just a generally chilling thing. Instead, it feels a bit too goofy. Leaving it as a brief mention from Kolt probably would have worked better. I think the far more emotionally impactful moments come before this: Nick with the dying Soledad Marquesa (more on that below), Nick seeing just how rattled and desperate Renard is when he finds out he’s lost the coins, and Nick confronting Kolt one last time to take the coins back into a Grimm’s protection. This sequence of character- and coin-related moments was perfectly strong enough to end the episode on.

Back to Marquesa: Nick grabs the mortally wounded man—this individual he’s only just learned was responsible for the deaths of his parents—and demands more information, but Marquesa doesn’t even seem to be aware of who Nick is or what he’s suggesting about the way their lives have intersected before. Instead, he just pleads with Nick to let him hold the coins one last time as he dies. It’s emotionally impactful for how it denies Nick information about his past and for how it shows the power the coins hold. (It’s also narratively convenient for delaying further reveals for the time being.)

Marie coming back into story via Kolt, this heavy focus on Nick’s parents—“Three Coins in a Fuchsbau” doesn’t feel like a continuation of the previous episode like I thought it might (given that Nick and Juliette seem fine here), but it is a very direct continuation of the earliest episodes of the season. What does feel like an extension of “Last Grimm Standing” is Renard’s story, where his mysterious leadership status plays into the allure of the coins. I kind of love that he is so affected by them given that he’s been characterized so far as this secretive, powerful, calm mastermind sort of figure. His dream of power after he takes the coins home is very striking and a very BIG visual for the show—He advances through his darkened apartment as we hear the roars of a crowd, and when he looks out onto the city streets below we see them completely filled with people waving flags, all loyal to him. The scale is surprising.

The medical examiner Dr. Harper also gets a surprising little plot of her own too. She’s the first one on the team to be attracted to the coins after finding them in the old shop owner’s stomach, and her somewhat more subtly “off” behavior is foreshadowing for the more extreme stuff from Hank and Renard. She also gets targeted and interrogated by Marquesa, giving her a more active role than usual. It’s always nice to see the other character do their own thing away from Nick.

#nbc grimm #tv series #review #rewatch

[sapphire-weapon]

I think what a lot of people don't understand about OG vs remake, is that they're completely different tones/atmospheres. A lot of people don't seem to get that older OG games are tongue and cheek horror. They were supposed to pack in laughs and use cheesy, overdone tropes for fun. When 5 and 6 happened, that aspect was removed. The same characters and their relation to each other still existed, but in a climate where it just didn't work. Important relationships like Chris and Leon, Ada and Leon, even Sherry and Leon began to heavily depend on hinted off screen scenarios, which made for lazy story telling and choices/arcs that make no sense.

That's the major part that remakes are trying to fix. Resident Evil is no longer a comedy horror. There's a new audience and we're getting darker, realistic themes with rewritten relationships, so that the story can hopefully continue and end in a way that makes sense.

OGs mistake was switching tone with no warning, but expecting the same tropes to work. It was stupid decision that placed quick profit and marketing over quality, hence why 5 and 6 are not held in positive regard.

i... don't know how much i agree with this take.

OG RE4 is really the only game in the series that you could say was a "comedy horror." everything else was either unintentionally funny (because of bad voice acting or something) or it was just simply made by shinji mikami, who has a very distinct brand of dark humor that seeps into his games whether he intends it to or not.

like i don't know how much you can honestly say that RE0, REmake, RE2, or RE3 were intended comedies. they had moments of levity in them, but that wasn't the focus.

resident evil created the survival horror genre, and the man who created resident evil described the genre as "that feeling you get when an enemy is bearing down on you and you only have one bullet left and you manage to pull off a headshot."

that's what he was going for in these games. that feeling plus the camp of romero movies and kaiju films. the camp is intentional. the comedy is not (usually).

what actually changed was a difference in design philosophy. mikami's goal has always been to make a good game first and then slap a story around it. that's why OG RE4's story was slapped together in three weeks and why it was the one thing mikami asked be changed/improved for the remake.

the remakes can have their cake and eat it, too, because the baseline work for the majority of the combat systems and the stories is already done for them. they can focus on improving both without sacrificing either, like how mikami sacrificed story quality in favor of higher gameplay quality.

mikami's design philosophy helped jettison RE into the juggernaut status that it has, but it's the design philosophy of the remakes that will keep it there. modern audiences care more about story than vidya audiences from 1996-2005 did. most people back then skipped the cutscenes for any game they were playing. but now it's not enough to just have a "serviceable" story. a game now has to have at the very least a decent story.

and for RE to be as huge as it is, it's expected to have better than a decent story. it needs to, in order to survive. so the remake crew is being tasked with elevating a series with just a barely serviceable storyline into a series with a relatively good storyline that has coherent character development and distinct arcs.

capcom fucked up with RE6 not because of a genre shift. they fucked up because they tried to throw every popular vidya trend at the time into one game without understanding what made those features popular in the first place.

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

02.01.24 - I am very upset that I forgot to put my tattoo choker back on after my shower last night so now I feel naked because I don't have like any jewelry on. At least it's mild out, even though it's wet again, because at least I can go vape without freezing. I did remember my lunch so I don't need to go trekking around for food today at least; just gotta grab my usual fancy little drink.

Work - I didn't leave myself any work; I did come in to a bunch of papers in my mailbox that's a Rule 26 disclosure to file but. I just have to add that to the paper file lol. I still haven't done that mandatory training, mostly because I can't mute the video and play my YT instead the system won't let me. Might end up doing that depending on what else comes in. I have until next week Wednesday to complete it so it's not a rush.

Background Noise - Ngl starting out the day with 96 on my Watch Later is still a bonus. It is slow going - most of the videos are nearing the half hour mark a piece - but I am chipping away at this list.

Even with the DVR going and trying to...center myself for another series, I managed to get a couple (like 2) videos off yesterday. So that's good.

Study - It is book day! So I am going to do some of my deep dives (climate policy, Detective Scarcella's misconduct, and the Horizon IT scandal), a long article on Emmett Till's murder, and as many chapters as I can of: The 16th Round, A Short History of Paper Money and Banking, The Age of Uncertainty, Atomic Habits, and Dolly Parton: My Life in Rhinestones.

I did read a random article yesterday, and I did get like six (6) hrs off of my DVR, including an episode each of CBS Sunday Morning and 60 Minutes, along with a few Jeopardy episodes.

Extras - Thursday is garbage day, and I got half of them out yesterday. I get the kitchen, living room, and bathroom ones to take care of and the kitchen recycling to do as well. Also need to scoop the catbox, and vacuum because that's the one chore I couldn't get to yesterday. At least the Christmas decorations are both down and put away! After chores it's relaxation time, including reading, writing, and watching stuff with my hunny.

#studyblr #my study stuff #today's focus #talking #selfie

[cursedvibes]

Hi! I'm curious, what are your top ten manga and anime?(different for each category) and your top ten animanga characters? Also, I love your meta! I'm always ready to see your thoughts about the itadori family. It's fun to speculate. I really hope that kenjaku has some affection toward jin. I want a dramatic, horrifying and tragic story for them.

Oh that's a tough one... for manga I actually have a somewhat ordered list, but for anime and characters it depends heavily on my mood and current fixation. Mind you, this is entirely about how much I enjoy a series or character, not so much how well written I think they are, although that factors into it too of course.

Manga:

Monster

Jujutsu Kaisen

Blood on the Tracks

Dorohedoro

Innocent & Innocent Rouge

Hunter x Hunter

Devilman (counting the entire franchise revolving around Akira & Satan's relationship)

The Promised Neverland

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (so far P7 is my favourite, but P9 looks also really good)

Pluto (very excited for the upcoming anime, had almost given up hope it would ever come out)

Anime (more a list than a ranking):

Monster

Devilman Crybaby (I don't like how Ryou is characterized here, but the anime is still phenomenal. I knew what was gonna happen and it still hit me like a truck and that OST...)

Hunter x Hunter (2011)

Hellsing Ultimate

Gundam The Origin & the original Mobile Suit Gundam series

Evangelion movies (1.0 etc., haven't watched the 4th one yet)

Princess Mononoke

Black Lagoon

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (out of P1-6 I actually enjoy P2 the most, mainly because I love the Pillar Men)

ODDTAXI

Characters (god that's difficult...):

Kenjaku (duh, getting the obvious one out of the way)

Itadori Yuuji

Johan Liebert

Kars (never did anything wrong, he just wanted for his family to be able to walk in the sun. another mad scientist who fails at raising his kids. also I'm so glad the Jorge Joestar novel exists, it makes the p2 ending less bleak and the way his character gets explored there is *chefskiss*. as you can see, I'm very normal about him and the Pillar Men)

Thief King Bakura (I'll never forgive YGO for making him out to be wrong for wanting revenge against the Pharaoh's family, who carved everyone he cared about into magical items to increase their power. the manga still handled it best tho)

Asuka Ryou (God cursed him so hard for being gay and a climate activist that even in the fun cutesy Devilman chibi series he ends up killing Akira. I hope there will be another installment in the franchise where him and Akira actually manage to kill God and break the vicious circle)

Osabe Seiko (Blood on the Tracks)

Risu (Dorohedoro, sweet cactus boy)

Marie-Joseph Sanson (Innocent Rouge, said "kill the rich" and kept her word)

Orochimaru

#asks

[gillianthecat]

Not Me

These are my notes, raw and only lightly copyedited, from four months ago, taken as I watched Not Me (around September 8th). In them I think about revolutions and the culture of activism, make predictions about what happens next, am endeared by romance, and fangirl over First. Among many other things. It is interesting to read over what I noticed then and how I felt about it, after having had months to mull it over and reading other people's thoughts on the show. Even now, I still have complicated tangled feelings about the show. It felt incredibly important and unique, and also like it was trying to do too many things at once. It felt flawed to me, swinging between a very human sort of realism and complete ridiculous nonsense. But having since learned more about it's fanfic roots and how much was changed from the novel it was based on (thanks @moonchildridden!), I can see why that came to be, and admire just how political they managed to make this show despite everything. I wrote early on, "this is not escapism for me," and that still very much feels true, even though the romance was beautiful and tender and I adored it. It brought up all my feelings about the times in my life when I was an activist, and about why I'm not doing that now and how I can get back to that. And all my thoughts about how to do activism, and how to actually make change in the world. Which is a lot, and the main reason it took me so long to write about this show. I only took notes up to episode 9, so there is nothing on the last three episodes. It got too intense for me to want to write about it, though I do remember many of my thoughts and want to write more about the series as a whole. I did write some about the romantic relationships in (or not in) the show, my love for Sean in response to an ask, and talked about the realism of the Not Me world in comparison to KinnPorsche in this conversation with @lelephantsnail.

long so all my notes are below the cut:

Episode 1

I get so anxious for characters when they have to pretend to be someone they're not. Although less so here than usual.

Ok. Looks like they have chemistry! I see why they're a popular actor pair!

That dirty oil fight is adorable but also... dirty motor oil! Blech. I can't focus on the cuteness for the grossness of it. 

I like the voice overs actually. They're not necessary, Gun is conveying everything with his acting. But it's nice to have my questions articulated. 

Yok is hot -> Wait, is that First？-> *checks MyDramaList* -> Ah, yes.  That is First. 

Episode 2 (and 3?)

It's so fascinating to be putting together a picture of Black based on the little snippets of what people say or how they react to White.  And of course White is going through the same thing. 

I live in a much drier climate than Thailand, but it still makes me nervous to see people starting fires in the middle of the forest. 😳😬

Oh no! Please don't have this fellow activist vandalizer die in the fire!

This show is intense for me. I'm feeling kinda raw about it. Definitely not escapism. 

I love that they have this mute character and are portraying real issues. I wish it wasn't portrayed in a scene where it felt like Yok and his mom had never met each other before. 

Wow they are not pulling their punches. I am really curious about the context that this got made in, and what the reception in Thailand was like. 

Lots of feelings on my failures as an activist. Something about that room in the garage, evokes all those warehouse punks from my 20s. They still exist, I'm just not a part of that world anymore.

This show is very didactic. I don't know how it would work for me if I was a Thai activist. Or Thai in general. I think if it was a US show, or English language at least, it would feel too didactic. Either annoyingly earnest or I wouldn't trust the filmmakers. 

But because I'm watching it as a foreigner, and it's about a political scene I know little about, the didacticism doesn't bother me. 

Also I'm watching with the assumption that this was politically risky to make. I'm guessing that just making the film is a political statement in Thailand, and so I already admire it for that. Whereas in the US it often feels like it's relatively, not easy, but uncontroversial to make a political film, so I accept more. Or at least don't admire their bravery. It may be hard to get funding, but for the most part it doesn't feel like the government is breathing down filmmakers necks in the same way

I am making a lot of assumptions about the Thai political context. I need to learn more to have a proper opinion. 

However, it feels really honestly radical, and getting that on mainstream tv in the U.S. would simply not happen. Indie films yes. Series by a mainstream company this overtly political no.

In this us there might be radicalism for the aesthetic, but not actually a look into the issues. Not actually a show that direct action as anything real, rather than a dramatic superhero moment. 

I can't even think of any tv shows that are directly about activists and activism. In a metaphorical way, yes,  but not direct like this. I'm sure they exist, but what are they?

And a lot of the tv shows films that are about activism are historical. Black panthers, etc.  

I don't even know about in other counties. 

Whew, this show has got me in my feelings and thoughts. 

Anyways 

I wonder if this show is going to address the parents each abandoning half their children. And how/why etc Black and White didn't talk for a decade(?). Or if that was mostly a plot device to get the false identity thing going.

I like that this is a lot about White's relationships with other people besides Sean. That those seem to be equally important, or more important than his awaking.  

So far it is more about his radicalization than the romance. Which I actually am glad about. 

The pace of Sean figuring out something is wrong is good. There is chemistry but no flirtation or anything like that yet, which feels right. And the fake identity thing gives a good reason for Sean to be an asshole without making him seem like an unredeemable asshole. 

I wonder if we'll ever get to hear what Sean was thinking during this time. I hope so. 

Voiceovers. Getting very didactic. Mixed feelings about that - see above. 

Are they contractually required to have a pratfall kiss? The towel mechanism was stupid (although better than a bouncy wall, á la The Eclipse), but at least the almost kiss was better than usual. I liked that their faces were actually offset, no lips touching or almost touching. That fits them better, is more realistic to what bodies would actually do in that situation, and I'd better for the pacing. 

Guns are a lot more terrifying in this real world than in the mafia world. 

I hope we get more of that dude from the diplomats exams. 

Episode 4

Political modern dance!!

Aaah! The Kinnporsche pool. I'm afraid that's seared in my brain as part of mafia mansion now, I don't know if I can buy it as another place but I'll try. 

Are we suspicious of Todd? 

Initially I wasn't because he was the one bringing White in. And I think people ship Tod & Black. 

But I got suspicious when I saw how rich he is. (Oh right, they were childhood friends.) Is his dad Tawi? Would White have known/remembered that? 

They seem to be a totally isolated group? Which is probably plausible for self radicalized university students?  But also makes the show feel less grounded in real political activist work. Gives everything more aesthetic activism vibes. 

Also these boys don't know how to organize or create a campaign? Which is also plausible, but they feel like dilettantes. I guess I don't need the ideas to be any better, just lots more talking to get there...

Episode 5

Oh, and hooray for a trans woman character who like an actual character and not comic relief or whatever. (Possibly multiple characters in multiple settings (I don't know what I was referring to here)). 

This violent stretching while they're cold is making me anxious. 

Ok this leaping across building stunt is annoying me more than it should. I think I have to let go of my expectations of realism here. The political message is legit. But the depiction of activism is closer to the aesthetic/fantasy side of the scale than I initially hoped. 

Ok. I think I'm not going to love this as much as @lelephantsnail does.  Or as much as I want to.  But I admire it a lot. And if I adjust my expectations I can like it a lot. It's hard to enjoy exactly because it's hitting too close to home. Or at other moments too watered down didactic. (Black is defending capitalism and monopolies? How are they not more suspicious?) But I can enjoy parts. 

Episode 6

Oy. I don't like thread of Gumpa constantly testing them. I get that it's to heighten the tension without going too far into plot that can't be backed out of but... partly I guess I don't think the emotional fakeouts are a good thing. 

And partly I feel like it makes a joke of the activism? Like, it's quite possible it's a real training technique used. But combined with the general floppiness around the activism world building, it just... it's just like a standard spy thriller. Which is fine I guess but not what I expected or wanted. 

Also, if Gumpa can call on all these extra guys for this test, why is their little group so isolated. Gumpa acts like a mentor but is supposedly not the leader? What is their internal organization anyway? What are their connections? Are they just privileged kids who decided to become anarchist [vigilantes] on their own? Are they connected to any broader movement? Have they considered and rejected less violent/illegal means, or is that not happening in this world? Would I understand better if I knew a lot (or even a little) about Thai politics? Or even if I just understood Thai?

Ok, final having a conversation about how to do activism. 

Ok I genuinely love that this... romantic? not exactly yet but there's something there... scene is White-as-Black earnestly discussing political philosophy while Sean is drunk and floppy and red faced. It's just so unique and real. 

Which maybe is why I get annoyed at the other stuff that feels less real. But I will hold judgment to the end, because I honestly don't know who's evolving in what direction. And what the final message on activist tactics/philosophy is going to be. 

I also really like the music (other than overdramatic hospital music.) 

Also! They have a beverage sponsor, and the plot is them targeting a beverage manufacturer?! Bold. 

Police brutality is brought up as well.

I like getting insights into Sean, but I don't think it works with the structure that’s been set up. Mostly we're discovering everything along with White, and then all of a sudden we'll get Sean's memory? It feels out of place. 

Also, I appreciate this version of only-one-bed. OOB as a get-along-shirt. 

These boys are beautiful in sunlight (see: Sean on the rooftop). 

Like I know it's usually good storytelling technique to not have them endlessly talking in the same place. And it adds drama to have the conflict in the moment. But also why the fuck did that not plan all this basic stuff out ahead of time? Why are they having these basic conversations at the site? There had to have been a third option. 

I guess part of what makes me anxious is I can't tell if their bad plans are because they're supposed to be inexperienced activists or if it's because of filmmaking shortcuts (or perhaps even ignorance on her part about radical activism?). 

I genuinely love that they gave this romantic moon gazing scene to a platonic pair. 

Oh poor Gram. I keep forgetting, but these boys don't know their friend is in the hospital and almost died 😞 

Episode 7

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet but I really like the cinematography. 

Sometimes I really love it!! 

See I'm glad they agree with me that Sean's plan was stupid. But why they hell aren't they discussing this beforehand? I feel like every activist group, even the most pro-destruction anarchist terrorists, has endless discussions of philosophy and strategy. Anarchists especially are not just going to follow one guy without asking questions or sharing their opinion. It's just so odd. 

Unrelatedly, I love Yok's tattoos. So hot. I unironically kind of want the bird one. Although I do not have First's biceps and deltoids. 

And I love the set design and these kids hanging out in boxers and low cut tanks all the time. The aesthetic feels very authentic. Which is why it's weird when the activism style doesn't. It's not so much that they're bad at it, but the way in which they're bad doesn't feel genuine to me. But also what do I know. I've never been part of the anarchist property destruction movement. And I don't know what it's like in Thailand obviously. 

Thank you Yok! Finally some logical strategic thinking. 

Ohhh. Interesting intersections here...

(I'm trusting this is not going to end with oh Tawi isn't so bad after all, we should be happy to be part of society etc. But if it does I will be PISSED. 

Ok. This is going somewhere interesting. Starting a movement?

(Yok's fireworks moment was ridiculous but also a wonderful image. And hot. By the way.)

Oh thank god other people. I should have had more faith in the director. 

Yay! Huge rally! But also

Where did this huge rally come from? This is not a spur of the movement reaction to their (frankly) silly little direct action thing. There have been other people planning and organizing against Tawi all along? Why are these kids so disconnected from it?  Like I believe it's plausible that they would be, I just want to understand the story there. 

The secret identity plot creates some weird constraints around the activism plot. Like in a way Sean et al are being de-radicalized? Instead of getting frustrated with the slow pace of community organizing and turning to property destruction, it seems like they started there? 

So Sean and White will meet in the middle? 

This dance!  This feels like a real protest. 

I mean, sometimes a small seeming thing will light the spark. But there also seem to have been organizers there ready to seize the moment and build the movement

And Black is clearly part of a larger movement with Eugene and her political dance. Yok & Sean and there street artists.  Will we ever find out why they were so isolated? I'm starting to have hope that we may. 

Gram is staring at Eugene. But I can't tell if it's because he's in love with her or jealous of her and in love with Black.  Was he lying to Yok about Yok not knowing the person he was in love with?

Also, why couldn't anyone see that video of Black that Eugene took? Was their relationship a secret? 

Registering protesters? I need to read up more. 

Gun does a good job of making Black seem like a different person than White, even than White pretending to be Black. 

Again I keep forgetting Black's friends don't know he's hurt and then I get sad. 

So I guess that Gram is in love with Eugene. What's with the card White found then?

When is White going to tell them all? Are they going to deal with the fact he's been hurting them all with this? 

Nuch's... PSA is what it is. It works here. Despite most of her dialogue being political statements she feels like a real person. And the didacticism of her statement on marriage equality feels good actually. It's a reminder that this film is not just about activists, but it is activism. And to put myself aside, because I'm not actually the target audience. I can watch and appreciate, but it's not about me. 

Oh my god this scene. This fucking scene. I teared up when the queer couple catwalk across the rainbow flag started. I was not expecting that.  And then Sean and White staring at each other across the flag. And walking toward each other underneath it. Sean's expression. Like he doesn't even know what to think any more. Taking his hand. And it isn't even romantic exactly. It's victory. That temporary victory. 

This is the slowest of slow burns and it feels exactly like how their story needs to be told. 

Who is Gumpa in all this, anyway? Why is he training them but not participating? 

The high of victory!

Ooh, Sean and White are sitting on the couch together...

Ok, one thing a love about this is seeing a trans or any visibly queer character I can trust the show will treat them with respect. It's such wonderful and also a relief as a viewer. 

Yikes. I was thinking why is he cooperating with the police and then he started to run, lol. Again. Love this building. Feels like a real art school.

Is this cop or whatever kind of bad guy driving product placement car? That would be hilarious and... something. 

Oh, probably not the bad guy actually. Probably the artists friend rescuing him. It's still hilarious to see him getting handcuffed against the sponsors car. 

God I love all these sets! 

Oh wait, that's the artist himself. I forgot what he looked like. And that he had the cop ID card.

Yok you flirt. First's smile is dangerous. But Yok, why are you carrying this man's wallet around with you? Have you been waiting for this very scenario to arise? 

Hmm. How are they going to handle this cop romance?  I was kinda thinking the ID card was fake. 

I'm not so sure about this other guy yet, but First can probably carry their chemistry on his own. His smile! My god. 

Yok, you flirt!  "Of course you can paint me…” I had to stop and make my terrible gif. 

Ok, maybe this INAR actor can keep up.

Halfway through and it seems the romance arcs are starting in earnest. I am pleased with this pacing I think. 

I was gonna go to bed but now I gotta see what happens now that Sean pushed his way into White as Black's room. 

Also the way Sean (nervously?) fixed his hair though the peephole was adorable. 

Episode 8 

I love the physicality of all the characters in this. They feel like real people. The way they were slouching on the couch last episode so their jackets rode up. So real. Like I feel like I went to college with these dudes at moments like that. 

This scene! The soft warm lighting. The blocking floor bed floor etc. the way they're looking at each other. The way White listens. That story. 

Ack so much adorable. The head bonk 🥺 the trust fall

There's content and awww here and I don't know what to write about first because the aww is so cute. And such a relief. The first real softness between them. 

Oh but the lying. I'm guessing White doesn't even remember he's lying right now. He means it that he wants to trust and be trusted. But it's kind of ironic considering. Will Sean be mad when I finds out Will it be addressed? I'm somewhat hopeful yes.

Although that last line sounds manipulative so I don't know what to think...

And again all I can say is:

This scene. Tears charcoal intimacy the closeups on their faces so much of the time. Inar actor you've got me convinced. The flirting to start that turns so quickly to intimacy. Yes that makes so much sense he would cry being vulnerable like that to this man of all people. Yok's reaction? To draw first and then comfort without asking questions? I'm very curious about where this regretful cop story will go. 

Everybody's spying on everybody. Which is stressful in an activist setting.  But fits the enemies to lovers with several twists thing going on.  So I don't feel bothered. 

Honestly I  think simply connecting them to a broader activist community though the rally eased all my anxieties. I don't know if my objections have been/will be solved but I feel better.

Oh yeah, I forgot about my glasses related questions. How had he been seeing this whole time? They never show him putting in contacts, he just removes the glasses and goes. Does he have a very mild prescription? Are the just for fashion? Has he just not been able to see much (seems unlikely). 

But anyways, Sean is about to figure something out, we'll see how much...

Lol, ten seconds later there's a contact lens case.

Ok but he took his advice and is trying to bite himself out of those ropes. 🤣

Oh hello mic pack holder. But I honestly do appreciate the actors' commitment to physicality. In this case squirming around on the bed. 

They are starting to get sexy together and I like it. I really appreciate the slow development of their chemistry actually. Immediate BAM! is fun,  but this fits better for them and their story and is nicely nuanced. 

Ooh I love the recall to the first day with him now unthinkingly jumping this same wall. 

Dudes. You or someone else should have made a plan for how to protest this lecture. It doesn't even need to have been a good one. But there was this whole street of organizers? And apparently Tawi is the Jeff Bezos of this version of Thailand? So someone would have tried to organize a protest, right? Thai organizing can't be that different, even with a different culture around respect? Or maybe it is???

Like I get this shows Sean's passion and anger but...

Oh forgot their last interaction was Sean leaving White-as-Black tied up. 

This really is Only One Bed: The Series. How many different places can she conspire to have them sleep together. 

Episode 9

Sex scene tender sweet and hot. Consent communication can be very sexy omg. 

This feels very different from any BL sex scene I've seen yet. More real somehow? Why? The intimacy of the tent? The way the are communicating? Maybe because White's anxiety is not about sex but about being intimate while lying about who he is. The hands! The ear bite! Maybe because I haven't seen a bl sex scene get that montage/time lapse editing yet. It was a wonderful way to make it feel like they weren't just fading to black while still not showing a lot. (Which I guess why it's commonly used technique in other film industries lol.)

Did Black wake up because his twin was fucking? I'm not even sure what to think about that. And were the tears his own or transference from White?

That heartbeat convo and the little kiss. It felt so genuinely post coital. 

They seem to be transforming from enemies into softest boyfriends ever. Which I think I'm good with.

It felt rushed in a way but then also it didn't. Like there was all this under the surface that suddenly was ready to emerge. 

I love how they got a scene with the gayest bridge but it was actually about the decaying pier. Perfect. Although I'm disproportionately annoyed by the impossible leaps. 

I'm anxious about this cop boyfriend thing. Which side of the storytelling will win out, bl's hea or activism's acab? Why was he there to rescue Yok?

Ok. Yok may be falling for the dude but at least he's being smart about not revealing their work. 

Return sad poignet (probably I meant poignant? I don’t know what I was trying to say though.) amazing acting Gun. The grief of your long lost dead brother staying closed off to you ...

De transformation. Give me my phone. (I have no idea what this comment was supposed to mean.)

Called it! about shady Todd. 

And that was all the notes I took. After episode 9 I think I was too overwhelmed by the show and my thoughts about it to write down my reactions.

#not me #not me the series #nuchy anucha boonyawatana #thai pro democracy movement #thai politics #political thoughts #gillianthecat reacts to bl #kind of like liveblogging #activism in media #clearing out my drafts

[ungrateful-cyborg]

16. How does your OC make money? Do they have a respectible profession or work a series of odd jobs? Are they a criminal? Or do they get creative in the pursuit of coin?

bonus- how do they spend their money? do they go for more expensive items, or are they penny pinchers? What are their biggest purchases they’ve made? Any foolish financial decisions like a certain man and hair ties?

For Alajka, Astrid, and Wolfe! And of course, anyone else you wish to share!

Alakja's old. Very old. Old enough that unless he's meant to live exceptionally longer than most Vieras, he only has a few more years ahead of him before Death gets him. So for most of his life, he's had no need for money or any sort of currency. Living mostly alone in the Wood—save of the few social gatherings in his village—most of what he needed, he would gather and craft himself. Clothes, food, medicine...

The existence of currency was a surprise when he left the Woods to join the Imperial Army. He's still not quite entirely certain of the merit of it, and more often than not he forgets that he could get paid for the stuff he does for others now that the Empire is in shamble. He used to get paid as a lowly soldier, though. Not a lot, of course, and since he's never learned how to be financially wise, he's been scammed a few times out of his meager savings despite never buying anything fancy.

It's not that he's entirely naive though, it's just that he's a grandpa completely out of his element and Very Confused about Life Outside The Woods. But he's also not the smartest man, that's true XD

At least he's happy?

And currently missing after falling down a crevasse.

Before the destruction of the Isle of Val, she had a salary. At the time she was working there on her thesis to get her Archon mark, for the Students of Baldesion. Then the island disappeared and Astrid with it, and reappeared (without Astrid) and when she, eventually, surfaced back in her turn, she had been declared dead for a few years.

She was fortunate that her parents kept faith she'd come back, because in their inability to truly grieve for their daughter, they refuse to let go of a lot of her stuff so she didn't lose everything. A lot, but not everything.

Eventually after a few months fighting the Sharlayan bureaucracy to be undeadened officially, she took a ship to Eorzea and joined Krile and the Scions in a semi official capacity while trying to figure out what to do with her second chance at life. She basically helped and ran errands, so she was paid a little something and had a room in the Rising Stones.

Until she was teleported in Doma out of the blue a few months after.

But then the group she ended up with was paying for everything so it's been a non-issue for the most part. She's coming back to Sharlayan soon though, and I imagine she'll join the Students once again and be an employee there, helping in the reconstruction of the organization.

As to how she spends what little money she has? Books, chocolate, pastries, cooking ware, sewing material, knitting stuff, etc. Lots of hobbies are stored in this historian XD

I'll start with how he spends his money: on his equipment, for a start. On rent for his investigator office, although now that he's been exiled it's not a concern of his anymore, on clothes because he likes being well-dressed, on food even though he had found a way to grow vegetables in abundance despite the climate. On materials for his experimentation, whenever his best friend Edith is around and they're working on the latest dumb idea they've chosen to call a project. They are many of those, but fortunately she's not in Thanalan often xD And of course, he spoils his small menagerie: his cat, his dog and his chocobo.

Prior to being a private investigator (and earning irregular pay), he used to be in the Sultansworn. It ended badly for him, but even though it wasn't the reason why he joined, it did pay well.

Mostly these days he lives on his savings—what he's managed to bring with him—and he has yet to take odd jobs to complement it, mostly because he's on a job currently to find the damn anonymous client who gave them a case well above his pay grade (without warning, which is really what he's salty about :'D)

His relationship with money is a bit complicated, though. Despite being born and raised in Ul'dah, he's not very concerned with becoming rich. He does, however, share Zero's views (if you've met her in the story) about generosity and debts. Basically, there's no act of generosity, only debts to be repaid (with coin or with acts of service). And I suspect she'll change her mind long before he does XD

And though it hasn't been shown in game that much, I do think bargaining is a cultural aspect in Ul'dah. It's a city of merchants, after all. So he'll bargain before buying most of everything because he's convinced that—at least in Thanalan—you get scammed if you don't.

Thanks for the ask, @healersadjust!

GET TO KNOW THE OC

#The More You Know #answered; Alakja #answered; Astrid #answered; Wolfe #I'm so glad Alakja got some love too! #and I've been thinking lately about Wolfe's relationship with Nald'Thal but I don't think I can explain it clearly enough yet

[hanna-water]

Part 2 “I’ll Be Fine”: Talk about Popculture, Druck and Gen Z Popkultur Festival Berlin 2022, wednesday 24.08.2022 with Eren M. Güvercin, Nhung Hoang, Naomi Bechert (social media team during s5 – s6, writer of s7 and s8) Moderated by Aidan Riebensahm Aidan: This might confirm an image that we have of Gen Z. That you are very motivated to get involved and to take part in creating these roles. This seems to fit into the cliché that Gen Z is always very active and participating in everything. Also you are the first generation that grew up with the internet since your childhood. How has this influenced your work on Druck or generally how did you experience growing up with the internet? Eren: I think it shows in the fact that it’s a transmedial concept and even in the script you can see what will be posted and what won´t. And that its always connected with the dramaturgy and the storyline. That is interesting to experience. On the shooting days we are also creating the content for Instagram. I grew up with Instagram and facebook. I always used the facebook account of my mum to play animal farm. I don´t remember the name….farm world? (laughs) This was my first experience with social media. I also used to have multiple IG accounts. One of them (laughs) is still public but I don´t have the password anymore. It`s a bit embarrassing. Nhungi: Please don´t try to find it. Eren: All the stalkers now “making typing sounds” (laughs). That was my first experience with IG and when I first heard of the series and came in for filming, I did not exactly know what to expect. I also did not watch Druck before. Sorry btw if I appear a bit sick. I am a little hoarse. (laughs nervously) Uhm… so I came in and had no idea how storytelling would look like if you connect it with social media and additionally real time. What if we film something in summer now and when its released its raining? What happens then? Those were question I was asking myself but then I learned while shooting that its actually a lot of fun. Nhungi: Especially the social media aspect was a concept that did not exist in Germany before and accordingly it was still a little unclear in the beginning. Like, ok what is being recorded and what is going to be posted/published? We ourselves had improvised everything of the social media content. It was like “ok they go to the park and have fun.” But we improvised our lines and what everyone was doing. A lot of very funny situations happened this way but you also felt “ok this is something completely new” and you don´t really know how to handle it. And there was also the aspect that many people saw Kieu My and Isi as real people and we were even addressed on the street as Isi and Kieu My. Which is not a problem overall…- Eren: it was a little weird. (laughs) Nhungi: … yeah but then I was asked where my girlfriend Fatou is and then I was a bit like aaahhh oops. But otherwise I found it very interesting because our generation is on the internet a lot and tries out a lot and therefore its important for Druck to be sharing important things through these channels. The first time I ever experienced something like like this was with iCarly. Its was a TV-series but at the same time you could access a website and for example could chat with the characters. And this was kind of developed further with Druck. You were able to see almost everything of the characters, even private chats. And it was possible that certain topics, like climate change for Mailin, which had no room in the other characters POVs in the series, could be shared via social media. Eren: It`s maybe also important to say that we have no access to the IG accounts. Its social media managers… - Naomi: me for example. Eren: …Naomi for example. Naomi: I was able to see all dms. (laughs) Aidan: tell us more. Naomi: uhm many love declarations to Josh. Very cute. And generally, many questions “how are you right now, Nora? Is everything ok?”. So there was this assumption that is was a real person or the question “is this real or is this just acting?”. So it became clear that this world was experienced as an authentic world and the fans are very emotionally invested when the characters are going through a crises. This is an effect of the real time concept and that the clips are released one by one. So only about 5 minute long clips are posted and then there is silence for a few days and you have to wait for the next clip. That was intense and interesting to see. Some also shared personal stories and we tried to react to this in a appropriate way. So if there was a call for help for example also in the youtube comments, there was always a big care-aspect for the community management.

#Druck #Eren M Güvercin #Nhung Hoang #Nhungi #Naomi Bechert #talk #Popkultur Berlin #August 2022 #bts info #translation

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Happy Hump Day!

Not necessarily a sunny day yesterday but a very sticky one! The kind of day when some of you might have been thinking, “I need less hair!” Both The Trouble and I did some grooming yesterday. Her ‘lock technician’ decided she didn’t need eleven inches of locks … so she lopped them off! Her hair is still down her back; plenty long enough, but she will be several pounds lighter this morning!

Needless to say, The Trouble does not like me looking like Catweazle! My nostrils looked like Epping Forest! I am a very healthy guy. My nails and my hair grow very quickly. As you know guys with bald patches a.k.a. receding hairlines are very virile! So, although my grooming was of a more intimate nature, at least I no longer look like an unruly vagabond.

Global artist management company Three Six Zero has acquired the iconic SARM Music Village in London. The recording facility, located in Notting Hill, West London, houses six studios (commonly known as ‘SARM Studios’) and a suite of purpose-built offices. It had been owned, until now, by Grammy-winning producer Trevor Horn. I spent a painful nine months working at ZTT/Sarm Management in 1997. Truly one of the low points of my life. However I did get a chance to hang out in Sarm West and you could literally feel the history dripping out of every fitting. In the words of Kendrick Lamar, “If these walls could talk!” President of Three Six Zero? None other than Pete Tong!

Idris Elba is looking to expand his business portfolio with the potential purchase of British broadcaster Channel 4, valued at $1.2 billion. To acquire the deal, Elba is in partnership with Marc Boyan, founder of the marketing company Miroma Group, who is also a shareholder in Buzz 18, which former England soccer player Gary Neville owns. This is good news!

Amazingly, there are still climate change deniers. Parts of the UK may actually hit 40 degrees this weekend! 40 celsius is 104 fahrenheit. And you want to tell me there’s no such thing as global warming? Did you see that amazing footage of young Harry Shimmin, who was recently taking a tour of the Tian Shan mountains in Kyrgyzstan when he heard “the sound of deep ice cracking behind me.” Suddenly, there was an avalanche of snow coming towards him and it soon submerged him. Luckily, he got out alive! What caused that? Hmm … I wonder?

Best Tweet on my Twitter feed yesterday, “I love the fact Mo was an 'illegal' immigrant and is now a knight of the realm. How many possible knights are we shipping off to Rwanda?”

Monty Norman, the prolific composer and lyricist whose works include the famous James Bond theme tune, has died at the age of 94. The child of Latvian immigrants, Norman grew up in the East End of London, where his mother bought him his first guitar at the age of 16. He went on to compose for West End shows like ‘Expresso Bongo’ and ‘Irma La Douce’, before moving into film. His Bond theme, commissioned for 1962's ‘Dr No’, was used throughout the series. Top man!

Covid cases have hit a new record in the UK with daily symptomatic infections soaring to 351,546, according to new figures. The new record represents an increase of 237,516 cases a day since the start of June, when they stood at 114,030 – more than tripling infections during the period. I’ve got mates that have caught it AGAIN! It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

Have a wonderful and well-endowed Wednesday. I love you all. Yes, a crazy, bald man loves and cares about you.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #lockdown #new blog #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election