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imtheindiekid · 1 year

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Sweet creature.

Prompt: Reader is the new resident at the Sonic Catering Institute run by the excentric Jan Stevens, the woman who sponsors her art and in exchange asks reader to become her lover.

Ship: Jan Stevens x fem!reader.

Warnings: FLUFF in caps, literally so much fluff and besotted reader (lol), pet names, Jan Stevens being the bundle of joy I know she is. Reader is not a minor! Kisses LOTS OF KISSES (bc you cannot tell me Jan is not a softie for giving and receiving smooches). Kisses as love language, mention of alternative food art but not really. Mostly reader and Jan being two fools in love.

A/N: Hello again! Here I come to fulfill my dream of Miss Jan Stevens having an affair with one of her residents (but a real relationship, we're a big no no when it comes to Billy Rubin and his lack of international love smh) So yeah, hope you enjoy! xo.

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Food it was always more than the simple sustain for life, or a way of living or making profit by creating meals to offer at a place. No, it was more than that when it came to you and food, almost like a deep connection to know more about it, your curious mind wandering trough the cook books and kitchens you had access to, always wanting to know why such bond held a very special place in your soul.

The only explanation you could give it was that the universe granted you this rare talent in order to pursue it, even at a young age.

Enjoying any kind of dinners was an experiencie, and everytime you did it never failed to feed the craviness of reaching new levels when it came to food. Almost like a miracle, you decided this uncertain but luring path was the one you needed to follow.

----

It took some years and a great amount of failed plans, but you were finally happy at the way this whole thing of food music turned out, even when at an early stage of it people thought you went completely mad for creating art made by food that was not eatable at all. If they put it out like that it sounded crazy, but you knew they didn't understand, not even one bit.

Great thing you never cared for hearing others peoples opinions about you ditching college and embracing the alternative yet excentric art of sonic food catering, the one that made your heart fully happy. And so there you were, after small gatherings in cramped spaces, effort and love for this art carried you to the magnificent Sonic Catering Institute; a place where your ideas and wishes could rest easily and get sponsored by the right people. By her, and only her.

Jan Stevens was the woman you would never see at the street or a common place. You were sure she was a woman you would never see her at all, and yet, the only one if she randomly appeared behind an aisle at the supermarket or a the next table in a restaurant. The oddity about her and the looks she always wore were the whole essence why you reached for her, the reason why pleasing her was as important as creating your art.

She had you in a chokehold, your muse.

And of course, Jan Stevens knew the power she held on you as well the the love and praise that seemed to escape without shame from yourself when it came to her. It was adorable, seeing you so enamoured with her and always behaving like a puppy around her expensive dresses. She loved it, so much that it wasn't so long after you both came to an agreement; she would sponsor after the residency if you became her lover, stating that she could do international love and being thousands of miles apart wasn't a problem for her to keep loving you.

You sealed the agreement by kissing her so unexpectedly, making Jan Stevens smile.

----

It had been two and a half months since your acceptance at the Sonic Catering Institute and one month since becoming Jan Stevens newest lover, and those were blissful days. Making art and sharing a compassionate love with a wonderful woman it was truly more than you have dreamed of.

A wonderful woman whom had her slender hand wrapped around your arm while taking a peaceful stroll with you through her mansion gardens. The day was beautiful and sunny enough to make both of you take a break from brainstorming ideas for the next gathering and soundchecking, so instead of spending the rest of the day in between the sheets, you and your lover went for some calmness at their favorite place.

"Look there my love, those flowers are blossoming today."

"They are indeed sweetling. Thriving and shining like you, Y/N."

A smile appeared in your face as soon you heard the soft voice praising you and comparing your success to the bush of flowers that bloomed so beautifuly that day; Jan Stevens never failed to burst love and adoration beneath your skin, with her words and pretty names she used to call you most of the time; she still had to maintain the façade of professionalism when it came to presentations or those dinner parties she threw occasionaly.

You didn't mind it though, that people weren't aware of your relationship, they had no right to know about it or think that you're only using Jan Stevens for getting her money. So therefore, it was kept secret in order to enjoy it in your way. In a few months, you would be pursuing the next phase of your art, and at that time the residency would be over; so no worry about secrecy.

But right now, strolling by the bushes and old trees with your excentric yet handsome lover, was more than enough to you.

"How can you say such things and not make me blush like a poppy?"

You asked, gazing at her and actually starting to look as red as a strawberry, which made Jan Stevens laugh softly and reach one of your cheeks with her free hand, caressing it. The mere action had you almost like a puddle, if you could actually turn into that, but it wasn't very practical if you thought about it.

"Because sweetling, I love the red flush that crawls through this beautiful face of yours. So beautiful and kissable and which I absolutely adore."

"Jan Stevens, please my peach!"

The blonde laughed again, finding cute the way you would turn bashful at the praise she threw at you. Having enough of standing up, Jan Stevens gently pulled at your arm and grabbed the skirt of her black and white dress, leading you both to a bench near the shadow of a big tree. There, you took a seat next to the older woman, careful of not stepping accidentally on her dress.

As soon you sat down, a couple of hands went straight at your face and turned you to look at your love, who was smiling before closing the gap between you two in a series of short kisses. You didn't waste anytime and found a place for your own hands in the waist of the blonde, tracing so slightly and lovely the curves of her body possesed.

The sound of hums tickled against your lips, making you smile at it and knowing that your beloved peach was really enjoying this demostration of love. It turns out Jan Stevens love language was mostly kisses, and she loved giving them to you or receiving them happily from you; the lipstick she used always got smeared in the corner of her plump lips while you ended with a face full of lipstick stains and a drunk in love face.

The range of her kisses would vary on the mood she was; sometimes, they were no more than a peck to remind you of their love. Other times, she would pin you against the matress and leave you breathless by how her kisses grow hotter and needier, this time reminding you of the power they held.

But the ones you loved were the ones that gave with such patience and grace, holding you as if you were a fragile and delicate thing. Those were the ones that gave you at the garden and you totally fell for it.

"Jan."

"Too tired to say my name, sugarplum?"

She whispered against your mouth, kissing you a couple of times before pulling out of the embrace, but not totally to be apart. Your eyes felt heavy and tired, but an enamoured smile was in that face of yours; the sight of you, fuzzy and high in love was endearing to Jan Stevens, who couldn't stop looking at you.

"Perhaps my lovely bunny would love to go and take a nap. Looks like someone's tired."

"Not tired, just simply love drunk thanks to you peach."

"You're always seem to be love drunk baby."

This time it was your turn to laugh at her response, squeezing gently her hips while a foolish grin appeared on your face. She was right of course, you were always love drunk and all because of her; of her captivating love she had in her soul. You simply rested your head in her shoulder, pulling her body close to yours.

Jan kept a hand on your flushed face, stroking your cheeks or playing with your hair, while the other one found a place in your lap. Silence filled the space rapidly at the absence of words, but it was okay; there were moments with such intimacy like this one that words didn't need to be said. Both of you just knew how much love was in between.

It didn't take long for Jan Stevens to kiss you, never having enough of your kisses which you gladly give. Pecks turned into sweet kisses that turned into a full make out session, suddenly initiating a fire in your lower abdomen and made you whine against Jan's lips; your hands gripped her hips while the elegants of your beloved traveled to your torso, teasing you so slightly.

Then, she drew out again and caused you to protest at the lack of her warm, but a finger was placed in your lips to silence you.

"No whining darling, and let's take this into bed."

The mention of laying with her instantly cheered you up, and also caused you to stand up to take her hand and pull her out of her seat. Amused and in love with your reaction, Jan Stevens followed you through the gardens and into her mansion, already looking foward for all of the things she plans to do with you.

Oh how she loved being the headmistress of a place like this. And how she loved you.

----

The end. <3

#gwendoline christie #larissa weems #larissa weems x reader #brienne of tarth #gwendolineuniverse #gwen christie #miranda hilmarson #the sandman #captain phasma #lucifer the sandman #jan stevens #jan stevens x reader #flux gourmet #imtheindiekid writes

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rs-wonderland · 1 year

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Could I request the housewardens receiving a bouquet of flowers made by their s/o?

{ i didn't know if you mean just flowers or like a paper made ones. So i did for the paper ones, i hope you don't mind!}

Riddle:

♡He is so happy and impressed by it!

♡The flowers are little red roses, and Riddle thinks it's so cute. Impressed by your hard work, and his heart melted by thought of you loving him that much to stay up all night to gave him somethings special.

♡They were putten on his desk, right beside a picture of two of you on your first date.

♡Ace point it out when he was in his room, and he needed to paint the roses red for the next 2 months.

♡After you gave them to his he tried to make some for you, but when it failed he just bought you the real ones.

Leona:

♡Leona never cared about flowers or any present if he wasn't the one giving it to you.

♡But gosh, this little yellow sun flowers are just so pretty. And most importantly you made it just for him (which made him so happy with the fact that no one paid that much attencion to him, with him being the second born), he tooks big pride in it.

♡They were putten on one of the drawers besides his bed, so he could look at them everyday he wakes up (or everyday that Ruggie wakes him up)

♡In return he got Ruggie to buy you you're favorite flowers and some chocolate. With hand written letter, made by Leona himself~

♡You got his tail waving left to right with love♡

Azul:

♡Oh great seven he loves it! Would tell you that he should be the one to spoil you, but he is really grateful

♡He will either keep them on his desk in the office or in his jacket pocket.

♡Got Jade and Floyd to get you some flowers and would TRY to make you paper ones, BUT fails and glue was every where. (never again)

♡Tries to start a job with selling your paper flowers, for not so small sum of money.

Kalim:

♡Boy number 2. Tring to make you ones back.

♡Tries to make you ones back, bc he want you to have something special from him but also bc it looked fun. It turned out pretty good!

♡When you gave it to him he thought it was the most adorable thing ever! Jamil got irritated with Kalims reaction.

♡he carries them everywhere with him. And shows it to everyone, not to be a braggart, he's just very proud of you and your effort to make something so beautiful for him.

♡Puts it in the treasure room after sometime for sure.

Vil:

♡Vil is used to getting flowers from his fans, he is pretty popular. But he never got any hand made flowers like this.

♡Little suprised by it tho, maybe you just didn't have money to buy real ones, but he isn't the one to talk about that. Thinks they are very pretty.

♡So proud of you're hard work, and posts a picter of the flowers on his social media with title: "The most beautiful flowers, by my beautiful @ potato~♡"

♡Puts them right in front of his mirror so everytime he does his morning or night routine he could look at them and it always makes him smile.

♡Rook got you're little romantic moment of giving them to Vil on camera.

Idia:

♡OMG YOU GAVE HIM HAND MADE FLOWERS!? His whole dorm heared him scream like a little fan girl.

♡He waited for his anime moment like this forever! And you made it even better than he imagine it.

♡Stand there with little flowers in his hand, with his face and hair being red as tomato, also smiling like crazy!

♡Made ones to you back, ofc they were perfect and because Idia is a shy boy, Ortho is the one who gave them to you in person. OR he made you a little flower gif and send it to you in DM's, also didn't text you the whole day, because he thought that you maybe wouldn't like them. (Like a said shy boy)

♡He put them beside his computer, so he can look at them all day.

Malleus:

♡He is really happy! No one ever gave him anything, especialy hand made flowers! Now he loves them more than real ones!

♡Learned to make them when you showed him a couple of times. And then he made you a crown out of paper flowers.

♡Was so happy, he showed it to Lilia and others, reactions were everything! Lilia talking about some 'young love' thing, Silver smiled and went back to sleep, also Sebek was jealous so he tried to give Malleus paper flowers himself. (it didn't work)

♡He takes them everywhere with him, also showed it to Idia. Leona saw it to, and he rolled his eyes to the ceiling, mumbeling how stupide it is. (Malleus wasn't having it AKA. they got into fight)

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fruitcoops · 10 months

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Eeeek I am so excited to send in this request bcs I feel like it's one you could really do justice. (if you feel inspired that is. There's absolutely no pressure) but I was wondering if you'd be willing to write coops becoming more comfortable around each other? That's not the right word but just the constant butterflies sort of fading and instead realizing that love isn't all thrill it's sometimes a deep-seated love and being calm and comfy around your loved one? So like one of them doing something that used to cause butterflies and maybe sometimes does still bit it's the realization that you're so attuned to them you're used to it and love it and them?

Sorry this got really long and idk if it makes any sense or not. Anyway I love youuu and your writinggg it's such a source of comfort for me so thank you for doing what you do

Fluff in the wake of Vaincre! I think this is becoming a pattern. Though I, for one, am not complaining. Character credit goes to @lumosinlove, and Hazel, I am suing you for custody of my broken heart.

Sirius is washing the dishes and Remus puts a hand on his lower back without really thinking about it, slipping his palm beneath the hem of a Mickey Mouse t-shirt to rest over the bend of Sirius’ spine. His hand molds to the curve, fingertips on one dimple and heel of his palm on the other, thumb sliding along the lowest notch. Sirius hums and leans his head down to bonk Remus’ in a gentle greeting. They’re all small, thoughtless motions for a small, thoughtless night.

And it hits him.

The kitchen—theirs. The house—theirs. The neighborhood—theirs, where they wander after dinner sometimes or find well-traveled sidewalks to their new favorite shops and diners.

Sirius. His.

They’ve talked about moving, about kids, about after. What happens after hockey? Sirius can get through July now without growing antsy at the absence, but still, it’s taken almost a decade. A smaller house (a warmer house, a house that’s theirs) would be a good change. Not a rushed one, though. It seems there are endless hours to plan and look and comfortably explore.

Water sloshes over the marble countertop. They’ll never have to worry about money; not like Remus’ parents did. They’ll never be restricted by loans or debt or whatever neighborhood falls within budget. He came to Gryffindor marveling at an affordable single-bedroom apartment. It’s a habit he’s been trying to break on those late-night Zillow scrolls. They both love the cabin on the lake, but…

But maybe they’ll need the space.

Remus turns his head to kiss the curve of Sirius’ shoulder and sees him smile, capable hands working soap through a sponge. If they were a regular couple, he thinks—a different couple, he corrects—there might already be a new addition on the way. He can see the longing in Sirius’ eyes when they talk about it and feels the yank in his own chest at the thought. He’s wanted that since he was a child. It only grew more intense when Jules was born. It would make sense for them.

The things he’d do for a baby with Sirius’ eyes and his nose and, god, they can’t stop there, can they? The kid would need a sibling, wouldn’t they? A Regulus, a Julian, a James, a Lily that they could rely on and go headfirst with into the wonder of the world? Someone to lead, or someone to follow. To protect. Remus has never been the type to brainstorm baby names, but the amorphous dream is thrilling on its own.

Sirius makes a small noise in the back of his throat when a bubble pops and spatters Remus’ sleeve with soap. He’d be such a good dad, it’s not even funny. Remus can’t think about it too hard, or else he’ll start scrolling through PetFinder to find another dog to take the edge off.

He bites gently at Sirius’ bicep and feels him laugh, feels him swat at Remus’ hand with no real effort behind it. “Love you.”

“So you bite me?” Sirius snorts. “Weirdo.”

Remus exhales hard through his nose. “I want a baby.”

“Ouais, let me just run to CVS—”

Sirius’ snickering is not dulled by the light pinch to his ribs; Remus hides his grin in another bite. “I’m serious—”

“No, I am.”

“Oh my god,” he groans, turning away.

“Non, non, wait,” Sirius laughs. His arms wind around Remus’ waist and pull him close enough for Sirius to plant a kiss to his temple. It’s adorable, how careful he is to keep his sudsy hands out of the danger zone. He nuzzles into Remus’ cheek before straightening. “A baby. Yes. Absolutely. You know my thoughts on this.”

“I do,” Remus sighs. “And I know why it’s not a good idea right now. Still.”

“Still,” Sirius agrees. He sways them for a moment, then Remus feels a squeeze and the weight along his back is gone. The faucet flicks back on. “I want—” He presses his lips together, mouth twisting as he works it over in his thoughtful way. “I want to be there.”

Remus takes a clean towel from the drawer and begins to dry the plates. “I know.”

“And you’ll probably retire first, which is fine, but I want…” Sirius tips his head back and forth. Remus knows he’s running through their list again. The pros, the cons, the frustrating parts that they so desperately don’t want to deal with but have to anyway. Sirius scrubs at a bit of dried rice and scrunches his nose. “I want you to be there, too. Both of us. From the start.”

“I know.” It sucks. They might not have to scrape and save but time is not a resource hockey will spare them, and Remus is so grateful that Sirius takes that seriously. He meets Sirius where he is in their timeline. “I’ll retire. Take a break. I’ll go back to PT, probably faster than either of us think I will. You’ll decide when your last season is. We’ll put in an application—”

“—and by the time I’m done, we’ll have an idea of any possibility,” Sirius finishes, passing him a clean glass. They’ve repeated it so many times that it’s practically a mantra. Deep down, it gives Remus hope. The planning. It means there’s a chance. It means they’re on the same page all the way through. Sirius lets out a breath. “And then, maybe, we’ll have something concrete.”

Adoption, surrogacy…it doesn’t really matter. Both are such complicated webs of people and events and things entirely out of their control—Remus hates it, and he knows Sirius hates it more. He sets the towel down and moves to rest his forehead between Sirius’ shoulder blades, where his heartbeat keeps time against Remus’ skin. He winds his arms around Sirius’ waist and flattens his hand over Sirius’ belly to feel him breathe.

They have all options in the world, and yet it all feels much too big.

He spreads his feet a little when Sirius leans back. Measured inhales, pulse keeping a constant 60 beats-per-minute.

Remus laughs quietly.

“What?”

He shakes his head, kissing each curve of Sirius’ wingbones beneath his shirt.

“What?” Sirius presses.

“A year ago, if you grabbed me and pulled me back like that, I would have jumped your bones,” he says wryly, burying his grin in the bend of Sirius’ neck. “Listen to us, angsting about the future like a couple of old geezers.”

“Feel free to jump my bones, if you think your arthritic joints can handle it,” Sirius teases.

“I’m just saying—”

“Oh, Christ, I’m turning 29 in a year,” Sirius moans, tapping the water off with a flourish. “I’m dead. I’m dying. I am wasting away. Tell Celeste I love her—”

“We’re standing in the kitchen, washing the dishes, on a Friday night!” Remus protests. “Aren’t we supposed to be…I don’t know, going to a club or something?”

Sirius turns in the circle of his arms with a grave expression. “If we’re going out, I need to go rinse my dentures.”

Remus chooses to ignore that particular comment. “The cubs are probably raising hell and breaking hearts.”

“The cubs are extroverts.” Sirius cocks a brow. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you want to go out and get drunk with a bunch of sweaty strangers.”

He can’t help the wrinkling of his nose; the told-you-so satisfaction on Sirius’ face is fondly irritating enough that he reaches up to cover it with a loose hand. Sirius laughs and dodges him like always, biting a kiss to the side of his palm. “Anyway,” Remus prompts with a squeeze of his narrow hips. “I love you. Which was my whole point.”

“You had a point?”

“I always have a point.”

“That’s a stretch, but alright.”

“Our kitchen,” he says, tilting his chin up. “Our house, our neighborhood, our future.” A smirk pulls at his lips and he rubs his thumbs just beneath Sirius’ shirt. “Mine.”

“Yours,” Sirius murmurs around a smile. They might be getting old and married and boring, and Remus might finally be able to watch Sirius and his capable hands without going weak in the knees, but his kisses will send joy crashing through him forever and always. The future isn’t so big in the safety of a moment.

#remus lupin #sirius black #coops #sweater weather #vaincre #my fic #fanfic #lumosinlove #fluff #domestic fluff

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blurredcolour · 10 days

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Hi I sent in a ladies who Brady prompt a little earlier. I’m not sure it went through 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I thought no harm in sending it again.

I wanted to know your thoughts on how John Brady would react to a lady who makes the first move. Who sees him and instantly is like oh it’s definitely him…he’s the one for me and just goes up to him and is flirty.

But if my original request did go through I’m so sorry I don’t mean to spam, I just am not sure bc it didn’t say submitted after I sent it so 🤷🏻‍♀️😬

Nonny! No apologies, astoundingly I did actually receive your original ask despite this hellsite (affectionate)’s best efforts. I’m gonna include it here to ensure I get the full tone of your ask.

And combine it with this topical gem that just stumbled into my ask box as well! We are feeling the bold ladies this evening 💪

Cut for length, no real warnings

I definitely see Brady as a by the book traditionalist

Not because he thinks the other ways are wrong just that this is the way things are done and have been done and that’s how he learned to do them

You are the other hand are bold, modern, thinking outside the box. Truly, how else did you find yourself working on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean for the war effort

The moment you laid eyes on him it was a revelation. In a sea of uniformed men he was one of a kind, the very kind of man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but now you have to get him to notice you

And it’s not like there’s a ton of competition but he seems to stick pretty close to his group of friends when he’s not on the bandstand

And you’re getting impatient, particularly when you overhear a couple of the newly arrived nurses divvying up the officers amongst themselves as though they have some kind of claim and the time to act is now

So you put in a little extra effort for the dance that night

And you hang close to the bandstand and wave off other men when they ask you to dance and when the set comes to a close you hold out a fresh beer to him

“You fellas played well tonight”

He takes it with his thanks and takes a long drink, looking you over as if for the first time

Someone sets a record to play during the band’s break and you tilt your head “so are you ever going to ask me, John Brady?”

And he looks so startled, so utterly flummoxed that your stomach drops through the floor and you are entirely convinced you’ve ruined any chance you might have had

Turn to flee in your mortification and leave him to be carved up amongst the nurses but his hand is on your elbow, guiding you over to the dance floor

The tips of his ears and the flesh of his neck are most definitely pink but he offers a somewhat confident smile “dance with me?”

And suddenly what you thought was disaster is transformed into the night of your life

He dances with you the entire break, seeming loathe to let you go when he returns to play the second set but his eyes frequently meet yours by the stage as he plays and you find a corner of the club to talk until near dawn the next morning when they eventually kick you out

All manner of stories and facts are shared and there’s a sweet kiss at the fork in the foot path before you have to part ways to reach your quarters

“Didn’t have to ask for that, did you” he teases you softly and you giggle fondly before darting off to catch a few winks of sleep before your shift

#answered asks #thinking brady thoughts #ladies who brady #john brady #masters of the air #mota

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hottiehiei · 27 days

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- Slow burn romance with Hiei PART TWO

After months of mutual attraction, Hiei will ultimately confess— out of anger.

gender neutral. sfw. fluff. angst. (also, cliff hanger bc i literally blanked)

PART 1 is not required for this, but I highly recommend reading for more fluff ! <3

✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻

𓆩⟡𓆪 After Hiei finally realizes he is utterly smitten, he finds himself stuck in a weird predicament. He's kind of like, "Okay, what now?"

𓆩⟡𓆪 At times, he often wonders why you aren’t intimidated by his cold demeanor. What did you see in him that others didn’t? Or rather, what did he see in you that made him so attached? Trying to put all the pieces together only made him think of you more, and he can’t seem to come up with any sensible answers. It was an insufferable cycle.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Most people would give up and accept their fate. Not Hiei. He won’t welcome these feelings with open arms. No, he’d rather fight and conquer!

𓆩⟡𓆪 But….every time you greet him with a smile or wave him goodbye, he feels content. Such an ordinary interaction would make his sour mood disappear. It didn’t matter if he remained silent in response. You were persistent, unmoved by his rudeness. Were you able to tell that he actually liked the attention? He hoped not.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Hiei naturally gravitates towards you, oddly feeling the need to stay close. His Jagan Eye can easily keep track of your whereabouts, but he prefers close proximity. He basks in the feeling of your body heat. Dare he say it was therapeutic. With little effort, he is in tune with every part of you.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Whenever you’re engaged in conversation, he picks up little details of your daily life (another perk of staying close by). Don’t be too flattered, though. He’s still searching for something that’ll make him dislike you, even if he fails every time.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Hiei is a wild card. Just as you begin to think he feels nothing for you, he does something unexpected. One night, you accidentally found yourself separated from the group while on a mission. It was rather chilly, and you were shivering from the harsh winds. Hiei randomly showed up beside you, tossing his cloak over your head. “I can hear your teeth chattering from miles away. Don’t you humans know how to check the weather?”

𓆩⟡𓆪 No matter how unconcerned he appears to be, Hiei is always watching out for you. With his fast reflexes, he prevents you from losing your balance before you can even stumble over your feet or bump into something. He usually grabs your forearm or sleeve to stabilize you. The physical contact sends sparks between you two, but neither of you comment on it. His hand feels strangely warm after touching you. He can’t even bring himself to tease or scold you for nearly falling.

𓆩⟡𓆪 As mentioned, Hiei can be unpredictable. The romantic pinning is stronger than ever, but he’s still annoyed by it. For someone who has never experienced love before, he is taking it pretty hard. His feelings have festered to the point of frustration, and he feels vulnerable.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Hiei is so fed up with the back and forth that he ultimately decides to ignore you for good. Out of nowhere, he started acting like you didn’t exist. He put zero effort into holding a conversation, and sometimes, he was just plain rude, telling you to go away or walking right past you.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Kurama notices the awkward tension and tries to bring it up, but Hiei dismisses his concerns immediately. He figured that if he kept his distance, he would eventually forget about you. Or at least, that’s what he told himself. Acknowledging his feelings would make them real, and that’s the last thing he wanted.

𓆩⟡𓆪 While Hiei did all of this to protect himself, you’re left hurt by the abrupt change. He treats most people rudely, but you thought he at least tolerated you to some extent. Now, he couldn’t even be bothered to spare you a passing glance. You decided to confront him one day when you two were conveniently left alone (thank Kurama)

𓆩⟡𓆪 Initially, he was hostile, glaring at your figure. “If you truly believe there’s something between us, you’re sadly mistaken.” His words cut deep. He never spoke to you so harshly, but he sounded completely serious.

𓆩⟡𓆪 When you mentioned how much pain he caused you, it surprised him. He assumed he loved you far more than you could ever love him. But as you continued to vent, voice cracking and tears spilling, Hiei was incredibly confused. It wasn’t his intention to hurt you. He simply wanted to detach himself from you and return to his normal ways.

𓆩⟡𓆪 Witnessing your break down caused him to snap. He couldn't hold back his emotions any longer, and everything came out at once.

“You think I wanted to fall for you, a foolish human who can’t even tell when someone cares for them?”

“Your face is constantly invading my thoughts. I can’t even focus on anything else, but you’re the one crying? Ridiculous.”

“Just being away from you torments me. You couldn’t possibly understand. I’m doing this for my own sake.”

“Stop looking at me like that…”

✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻✧༺✧༻

extra:

Even after this intense confession, Hiei still avoids you like the plague.

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sam-rothstein · 6 months

Text

‼️ creep 2014 spoilers ‼️ everyone complaining abt aaron's actions being stupid is 1000% missing the point bc .

. bc knowing in retrospect that josef was fully actively plotting to kill aaron from the moment he saw him it becomes pointless to question and nitpick everything aaron did. bc like he literally never does anything that hurts his case. he's never in a position where josef couldn't/wouldn't kill him and then he did something stupid and then josef became able to kill him.

yeah sure aaron isn't just nice he's overly trusting and accommodating and gives josef the benefit of the doubt far beyond what he's earned, to the point where you kinda wonder how he's gotten this far in life. but on the other hand being empathetic and believing what others tell you abt themselves and trying to see the best in them is . generally a good thing and something that will make people value you . and for what it's worth it's this very quality that makes josef genuinely like aaron and a little hesitant+regretful abt actually killing him.

like 'it seemed stupid that you wouldn't look behind you. but then i realized you're a good person and believed i would do you no harm' you don't need to question aaron's behaviour at the end they. they do that for you in the movie. and so yeah it seems aaron goes to the lake believing that josef doesn't really intend to seriously harm him. maybe that belief wasn't totally rational based on what we've seen. but yknow on the one hand any of the people in your life could be plotting to harm you. and on the other hand our feelings and beliefs aren't based just on logical analysis of the evidence. like what i'm saying is

-on the one hand

aaron's only real 'mistake' is he goes to josef's house assuming josef is not a serial killer. and sure the job is a little sketchy but that's still a reasonable assumption. like the fact is, random strangers, creeps, people who have hurt you, they're all usually not serial killers. it doesn't pay, yknow basically all of the time, to assume that the people around you are serial killers. and this has already doomed aaron just as the film begins.

also like it's very easy to imagine a version of this movie where aaron takes way more safety precautions and i envision it being a more boring movie but i don't envision it being a movie that makes me feel safe and secure bc it's very easy to imagine him doing that and still dying. maybe his friends or the police end up with more evidence they could use to catch josef but that doesn't really help aaron. like it wouldn't be very useful if he had told someone where he was going or had them checking in with him but josef just murdered him as soon as he got there. but yknow josef doesn't murder him at the cabin at all. like you're left with the knowledge that josef was thinking abt killing aaron the entire time and could have killed him in pretty much any frame of the film and was just choosing not to bc it was more fun for him. so like this movie made me feel fuckin unsafe. the ending really puts it in perspective that like cautious or not if some rando decided they really wanted to kill you. they could. they could murder you anytime, anywhere. is it more likely josef's murdered dozens of the dumbest motherfuckers on earth or that he was able to kill them simply bc they didn't know in advance he was a serial killer. yeah josef wants to kill aaron back at the lake just as he likes toying with people and forming weird relationships with them before killing them and likes to have their interactions filmed but by the time josef's sending the last tape .. if aaron didn't come he probably would've just . broken into his house and murdered him anyway right.

(side note it's the exact same people complaining it doesn't make sense aaron would keep filming as he's answering the phone / trying to escape. ??? he was already filming it's literally more effort for him to turn the camera off than not also you're trapped with someone you've come to believe is dangerous why Wouldn't you keep filming?? like as a deterrent / so you at least have evidence if something does go down)

-on the other hand

where does aaron's belief in josef come from? this is not really a mystery. when we leave the cabin and start watching josef's videos on aaron's tv there is certainly this sense that aaron is not even nominally in control of the narrative anymore, this sense of like, this thing has come out of the woods and the darkness and followed aaron and yknow it's in his house now. might not have been intentional but aaron's yellow shirt in the first scene after the cabin reminded me of his car and the yellow door that's featured strangely prominently at the beginning too - like, we're travelling, we're entering a new house, aaron's house, aaron's own reality, this evil is inside aaron as well now.

aaron admits josef has gotten into his head. he groans 'i gotta stop thinking about this guy' more like josef's an off-limits crush than a stalker. indeed josef has gotten into his head more than he even realizes, in the sense that he believes the emotions josef expressed to him. as much as he believes josef could be dangerous, and despite the evidence he can't trust what josef says, he also believes josef's loneliness and pain and desire for connection. josef has gotten to him. and i don't find that terribly unrealistic bc as a viewer mark duplass gives an amazing performance and he's super fun to watch and ofc we're seeing the character in a different light than aaron is but josef Does kinda get to you. aaron is indeed stupid but also i do kinda understand why he didn't just run away and might've seen something to care abt in josef.

also imean to my mind aaron's actions are due not only to stupidity and empathy but Also his attraction to josef. however, random commenters and critics alike seem determined to ignore the sexual aspect of this movie even though it's not exactly subtext. well hopefully for josef's part it goes without saying. as for aaron... we see just as he does the way josef is pretty much coming onto him, the way josef loves him and really likes hugging him, that by the end of the day it's pretty clear josef has a sexual interest in him and that he openly expresses his romantic feelings in the tapes (he uses the word friendship but uh we know what kinda 'friend'ship he's talkin abt) - i think the easiness with which aaron accepts all this makes Way more sense if he's also bi and josef isn't totally off the table for him either. admittedly that's speculation and to speculate some more isn't it possible that even while being creeped out by it aaron likes that josef likes him? after all the movie starts with him half-joking about the client being an older woman who just wants a boy to give money and rubdowns to and in a way that's not so far off from what he gets... and ends with him going 'how can i not go he's so sad... you got me'... maybe aaron is drawn to josef bc josef appears to want him and to need the kinda emotional support he's apparently very willing to give. mark duplass even said as much in an interview which ikno is Not part of the movie But this interpretation doesn't seem more unlikely than aaron simply being the stupidest person to ever live to adulthood which is also just an assumption audiences are making.

in any case what is NOT speculation is that aaron decides things aren't over with him and josef Not bc josef sent him a video but rather bc he's having dreams abt him. i'm not so sure there's any peachfuzz in aaron there's probably no part of him that's a murderer but there is a part of him, perhaps subconscious, that's intrigued by josef's fucked up shit and is exploring putting himself within this weird, undoubtedly sexual, fetish framework that josef outlined for them at the cabin. josef's weird sexuality has gotten to aaron as well. iknowikno the author is dead and everything but it is actually inconceivable to me that the filmmakers didn't intend the two dream-sequence-descriptions to be read as attraction on aaron's part. like the second one do i even need to say. maybe they're also there to suggest that aaron has a feeling of complicity with/protectiveness towards josef and his weird wolf shit as well. this is clearly backed up by his call to the police where he says he wants to report 'a violent domestic incident and stalker.' not that he deserves to not be taken seriously but this is probably most of the reason the cops don't take him seriously bc it sounds like he's talking abt a guy he hooked up with. he could have said assault or kidnapping or anything but he said domestic incident. the only thing this term means to me and indeed the only relevant thing it means to google is violence within the home/within a relationship, usually between intimate partners. SO either he's thinking of josef as someone he potentially could be / is in a relationship with, maybe without even realizing it, or he wants to make what happened between him and josef sound less weird, make josef sound less predatory, kinda suggesting they were consensually hanging out instead of . josef luring him to a remote location and attempting to kidnap him. why doesn't he tell the cops he has video of josef? why does he immediately get defensive and hang up instead of trying to explain where he's coming from, which seems out of character for him? perhaps the stress of the moment, perhaps stupidity, or maybe, again even without realizing it, he doesn't want anyone else to see the tapes.

while i don't think aaron's feelings for josef affect his ultimate fate that much i also don't view it as totally incidental - these things make aaron more of a character in his own right, suggest an understandable motive for some of his actions and show that josef accomplishes his goal of insidiously getting into aaron's life and mind before killing him which itself adds another intriguing and unsettling dimension to the film . and it makes ya think. what if i somehow got killed for being horny for mark duplass in creep 2014.

#srry this turned into a fuckin essay CREEP DID SOMETHING TO ME GUYS #creep #creep 2014 #gay subtext

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ineffablydelighted · 7 months

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[How exploring the Ineffable Husbands' dynamic in Good Omens can help us figure out what the show/book is all about, Part 3.1/?]

Also called: This human has, apparently, too much time on her hands and will be trying to Effable the Ineffable for [...] hours.

Hiya, Angels! 👋

Hope you're all doing well!

First of all, if you randomly came across this analysis, I guess you would expect me to entice you to read the first two parts beforehand... And you would be absolutely right.

"Obviosleh."

And since I'm nice [and because I fully understand the importance of saving people as much effort as possible to catch a larger audience - Duh 😇], here are the links for Part 1 and Part 2 🥰 so that everyone is on the same page as we dive into Part 3.

As I previously announced, we'll dissect our favorite pair's next two encounters today which are S1 3004 BC (Noa's Arch, The Flood) and S2 2500 BC (Job's ca-

[future me rereading this before dropping - Yep, nope, not happening just yet]

By doing that, I will try my best to prove to you the main point of my analysis I've revealed at the end of Part 2.

Repeat after me: Good Omens is a philosophical essay disguised as comedic/satyric/romantic fiction.

[Yeah... here she is, already giving orders strong recommendations... I'm so Metatroning you right now.]

[And, since I'm at my best when I'm Metatroning people, this is the moment I'm gonna take to strongly recommend you to ingest the human matter of your choosing - Num num num.]

*In Crowley's voice* OOookaay, let's start!

3004 BC (Mesopotamia - Noa's Arch, The Flood)

In S1, Right before this encounter happens, the scene starts by making us, the audience, witness Aziraphale very badly lying to God about the flaming sword, an event that I already mentioned in part 2 because of the contrast it was considering he did tell the truth to a newly Demonized Crawley in comparison.

BUT [Yay, first "but" of Part 3! Are you having fun?], I really want to talk about this bit some more because that remains one of the scenes that, to this day, bugs me THE MOST in Good Omens as a whole.

To sum things up, you're telling me that GOD:

BOTHERED to pop in to ask one of their Angels a question.

That the said Angel seemed suuuuper anxious about from the start: looking everywhere aimlessly, almost asking them WHAT A DAMN SWORD EVEN WAS... basically giving away EVERY TELLTALE SIGN, both in their voice, mannerisms, and the simple fact that they were literally back to the wall, that they were about to LIE, proceeded to give God the UNanswerest answer EVER:

"Oh, must have, uh, must have put it down here somewhere."

And God just... just... LEFT THAT LYING ANGEL ALONE?! Just as quickly as they arrived?! No arguments, no further questions, no reckoning, just... NOTHING. HAPPENED?!

HUH?

WOT?!

WHO?!

WHO THE F DOES THAT?!

WHO DOES THAT?! That is a real question! WHO?!

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY. SENSE!

THE F-

I mea-

I'll never recover from it.

Oof. Okay, I'm fini-

I NEED an answer in Season 3! This is all I ask! I don't need the world to be saved, I don't need Alpha Centauri, man, I don't even need Aziracrow to reuni- [okay, no, can't say that, even if I like being dramatic, I take that back, this is all I want and all I've ever wanted, please, I just need to see Aziraphale in a white dress and Crowley demanding him to remove his 200 yo jacket on top of it because it "absolutely ruins it", please!] I. NEED. ANSWERS.

*clears her throat* Yeah. So. I'm perfectly fine with this scene. Moving on!

Aziraphale and Crawley meet in Mesopotamia during the year 3004 BC.

Crawley is the first to notice and to greet Aziraphale VERY enthusiastically. Which is, first of all, cute, but also an indicator that they haven't seen each other in a very long time, more precisely, since Eden (a thousand years prior to be exact). We know that because the first thing Crawley says after his "Hello, Aziraphale!" is the direct continuation of their conversation back in Eden:

"So, giving the mortals a flaming sword. How did that work out for you?"

Aziraphale answers what will never cease to bug me:

"The Almighty has never actually mentioned it again."

Which still peaks my interest because it could mean two things, and pretty different things at that:

One, God and Aziraphale never directly interacted again and nobody from the Main Office ever asked him about the flaming sword at all, which made Aziraphale believe that God never asked them anything about it.

Two, God and Aziraphale DID directly interact again but the flaming sword subject has never been brought up once more.

Given the way this sentence is constructed and the emphasis on "actually mentioned it again," I'm more inclined to believe in the second option, which would be a very interesting thing to pounder:

Aziraphale might have a "privileged" relationship with God considering they probably interacted somewhat directly and more than once.

I'll go back to it later because we need to keep that in mind for the Job's case encounter.

Crawley says that it is "probably a good thing" until his attention is drawn to what is happening around them.

Then, they will debate the subject of the day, which is pretty much the same thing as before but formulated differently and condensed:

What is the point of Good and Bad? Do these concepts even have a meaning or not?

The main difference between the two previous encounters compared to this one is that this time, Aziraphale and Crawley are both active in the debate and do find common grounds here and there. It is shown cinematographically: they share the screen.

Aziraphale explains to Crawley that God got "a bit tetchy" and wants to drown the human race (well, at least the Middle Eastern humans) and Crawley takes that announcement astonishingly, which still aligns with his creator-at-heart persona.

"All of them?"

Insists Crawley.

Aziraphale first tries to mitigate what appears to Crawley as an extreme reaction by stating that Noah, his family, and their spouses will be spared but you can see that he, himself, doesn't really believe in what he tries to say.

"But they're drowning everybody else?"

Crawley really, really cannot comprehend what is happening.

"Not the kids. You can't kill kids."

This reminds us of their very first meeting because Crawley, here, judges God and tries to put himself in their place. Again.

Aziraphale answers with a worried nod: both because he is scared (his Fear of God cannot be anything but present at that moment) and because... he agrees.

And THEN, Crawley says that:

"Well, that's more the kind of thing you'd expect my lot to do."

Now that Aziraphale is more inclined to be part of the debate, Crawley tends to be more forthright about his opinion:

If God can do what Satan and his demons do, what is the point of separating the two? Are they, really, that different?

And, more so:

Is God a Good being anyway?

If Good or Bad exists, of course. [Oh, yes, I know I'm annoying. 100% aware. 😁]

To Aziraphale, it is clearly the case, and that is why he tries, again, to mitigate God's actions:

"The Almighty's going to put up a new thing, called a rainbow. As a promise not to drown everyone again."

A rainbow, huh? How interesting...

A rainbow is basically a demonstration of the union between Water and Fire. God and Satan. Good and Bad. Blah blah blah.

Almost as if...

Nahhh...

Almost as if they both needed to exist at all times!

Also, Aziraphale almost sounds like he is interpreting the rainbow as God's excuse for having a tantrum.

Which Crawley responds with a very sarcastic:

"How kind."

That's when Aziraphale cannot bring himself to follow Crawley's opinion any further (even if it is clearly shown he DOES agree, he is just SCARED to be).

After telling Crawley that he cannot judge God, that's when the "Ineffable" word is brought up again. This time, by Crawley. Because he already knows what Ineffable means to Aziraphale:

I am not important, or mighty enough to judge God and I am not supposed to. I am supposed to do what I am told, no questions asked.

Does it sound repetitive? Yeah, because it is 😅 That is Good Omen's main theme, after all.

This story is, as I mentioned before, a satire. Of religion, but also, of the concept of hierarchy, and the danger of ideologies as a whole. "Ineffable" is an ideology. "Ineffable" literally means "so emotionally overwhelming and powerful that you cannot translate into words"...

But Good Omens wants to bring you to ask yourself: cannot or don't want to?

Aziraphale is a character who doesn't want to think by himself because he is scared of a higher power (hierarchy). But he cannot just... stop thinking. Oppositely to Crowley, who kind of always, naturally had that ability.

Therefore, that makes it difficult for the both of them to understand each other [Oh yes, we'll talk about that further when we finally talk about that S2 finale that left us traumatized. According to my rhythm and how my Muse is an erratic bench, I'd say this conversation will occur in about a year or two.] Just as it is difficult for any of us to understand the people who think dramatically differently than us. Good Omens is an invitation to debate with people who do not share our views. That is how we stay open-minded and prompt to change.

Basically, folks: don't blindly stay in the boxes you're in.

Hierarchy is heavily criticized too, because it is a big cause - if not the main one - of people staying put in their respective boxes. Religion is a box among many others, hence the fact I prefer to say that GO mocks ideologies as a whole.

But hierarchy can be different things, and, more so, can use many different tones towards its subordinates: hierarchy can be nice, and affectionate (family, for instance - or not, definitely not always). Hierarchy can also be threatening, physically or mentally, or both (dictatorship, for instance).

Basically: hierarchy can either come from love or fear.

Or... well, both. That's how you get... propaganda? That is the most blatant example that came to my mind. We tend to associate love with good. We also tend to forget how often love has been used as a weapon.

Good and bad are...

[You know the end of the sentence, now, do you? If not, it means I haven't harassed you enough, so let me remind you]

Good and Bad are always mixed up. If they exist.

Anyway, I feel like I'm starting to digress.

.... Actually? I'm not done with that segment just yet.

[You right now.]

Hierarchy can also come from... habits. History. Some hierarchies that we are under today are still there because of how long they have been installed, but not really because they are that relevant anymore. I am not going to bring examples here because I do not want to offend anybody and because you are more than capable of interpreting this statement in a way that speaks to you.

We'll talk about this more when we'll reach the... Jim/Gabriel subject. [In about a year and a half.]

ANYWAY. Moving on to a lighter reflection:

Romantically speaking, Aziraphale remembers that encounter because Crawley displayed strong empathy and concern during that whole meeting.

He asked Aziraphale how he was after the flaming sword incident,

He could not comprehend how killing kids was okay,

He bothered to alert Noah about the escaping unicorn.

[Also, maybe, because damn - Also, it might come as a surprise to you who have seen me fangirling over Crowley for the last 3 parts but my favorite is actually Aziraphale 🤣]

After this conversation, The Flood starts and neither of them is protecting the other from it. Because of habits (after a thousand years spent on earth, they know this will not hurt any of them), but also as a way to tell us, the audience: they have started to realize they were in this together.

[Insert the "We're all in this together" Disney's High School Musical song right here... Yeah! I'm a Millennial, how could you possibly have guessed?!]

They are Equals.

Another really important topic in Good Omens, by the way, but it is time to dive into one of my favorite encounters between Aziraphale and Crowley and-

Huhhhh. I feel like analyzing two meetings including a whole episode in only one part might feel too heavy (to me, at least). So... I guess see you next time? 😅

Bye, Angels!

[No, no, I'm not saying you are "sssuckersss" okay? Just wanted a Crowley gif.]

Need help to find the rest of this analysis? I've got you covered! Follow me, Angel 😇

Previous - Beginning - Next

#Ineffable Husbands #Good Omens analysis #Good Omens #Good Omens S1 #Good Omens S2 #Aziraphale in love #Good Omens theory #Aziraphale #Crowley #Aziracrow #Effable the Ineffable #Philosophy #Good Omens is a philosophical essay disguised as comedic/satyric/romantic Fiction and I am here to prove it #What is Good what is Bad does it actually exists anyway #This analysis turns to 40% actual GO analysis VS 60% me digressing #I'm not sure I am mad about it though #Maybe you are? Idk #Can't wait to analyze the Job episode even if that alone will take over a month

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prettyboykatsuki · 1 year

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okay if i've already asked you this just ignore this but could you help me understand gojo better what do you love about him what intrigues you about him etc etc etc

OKAY. i had to grab my laptop bc my little paws saw an opportunity to do something other than dunk on gojo.

first of all. i think gojo is an objectively unattractive character if ur type isn't assholes. this goes doubly if u are an anime only (idk how far / if u have read the manga so i will try to avoid major spoilers). it's not really about his physical appearance but more that his personality is really annoying. he's arrogant, frivolous, and hard to understand.

and i think a lot of people do fundamentally misunderstand his character like all the time. which is normal because that's kind of the point of his behavior. it's like a purposeful misdirection, and most people who know him well can tell you that.

but who really knows gojo? other than maybe shoko, and the principal. who knows gojo forreal? it's not his students. it's really not anyone.

there's this scene from the vol. 10 extras that is probably one of the greatest insights into gojos character. not for what it says, but for what it doesn't say at all.

you'll notice how no one can say anything about him other than the fact he's the strongest. some of his students call him an idiot, and nanami goes as far as to call him flippant and egotistical. megumi feels like he's indebted to him same as yuuji.

but in the eyes of everyone in the universe, the only thing that gojo satoru can ever be or will ever be is the strongest. his whole life has been one long journey to accomplish that. to become a god amongst men.

but gojo isn't god. even if everyone imposes it on him, he won't ever be. and despite how devastatingly lonely that existence is - in the end, he's still trying to accomplish something in order to prevent his tragic fate from occuring again. even when he won't benefit from trying to twist the hands of fate because his time for happiness is well-past.

there's actually very little for gojo to do what he does. no one really respects him or appreciates his effort among society. and yet they impose responsibilities on him all the same with no remorse. he could be cold and unfair and arrogant to his students, but he ultimately cherishes them all and guides them like a real sensei. there's not any good reason for gojo to try changing all of this. he doesn't have the same resentment of a zenin. he was born with a golden spoon in his mouth and could only do what benefitted him.

but he hasn't. and he wont. despite all odds and all misery, gojo is still holding onto hope that things can be different. he is actually very desperately clinging to the remaining sense of humanity he has which is why he behaves the way he does.

in the end, his acting is just that. acting. gojo puts on the mask to put everyone at ease but his life is doomed to be lonely. all he wants is to share that burden and for things to be different. for other people not to suffer the way he did.

it's only natural to write off gojo as a flippant and arrogant asshole. that's his whole thing. but he actually isn't at all, not really. he is the strongest, certainly. but he never really asked for that.

to me, i will have a deep love for gojo because he is just so tragic. that part of him that is so desperate to share his burdens and retain the innocence of his students is deeply endearing to me. i truly and genuinely love him a lot

#return to sender #its fun to dunk on him but i actually love him with my whole heart unfortunately

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haitaniapologist · 1 year

Text

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. ( zhongli x reader )

╰┈➤ you always believed in christmas miracles, but he took this concept to another level for you.

pairings — zhongli x fem!reader.

warnings — reader and zhongli are single parents before meeting each other, t*xic relationship (not with zhongli), mentions of domestic v*olence and ch*ating, a bit of misogyny and overall prejudice of the society with single mothers, fluff with children and between the parents, sugestiveness at the end.

word count — 5k

notes — this is a repost from the beggining of the year bc i had some problems back then, but this fic was supposed to be a christmas one and for zhongli's birthday. either way, it's now here! reblogs and feedbacks are appreacited <3

you’ve always loved christmas.

it was a time when everything was magical, especially when you were a child, but such a magic didn’t die when you were growing up — it actually only grew, especially after you had your daughter. her father, your ex-husband, wasn’t the biggest fan of christmas. zandik was a doctor, and a logical one, and he almost spilled to your daughter that santa wasn’t real in the last christmas you three spent as a family, though you couldn’t tell if he was being mean or the idea of santa claus was so illogical that he didn’t comprehend why your daughter should believe it.

either way, nahida still believed in santa, and you were sure your boyfriend and his children would do anything to keep such magic in your daughter’s life — and you couldn’t be more grateful.

ganyu and xiao were two sweet hearts, accepting to go shopping with you to buy presents for your daughter and their father. it was a tradition that was passed down from your father to you, always bringing you along when he went to buy presents for your mother and siblings — you loved nothing more than to choose what they would be given, and seeing their eyes lighten up with the perfect gifts you had chosen. you used to take nahida with you, too, when you and zandik were still together, and you knew she loved to see the small smile on her father’s face when he opened his gift and saw the shirt or the new white coat his daughter had chosen for him.

but that was in the past now, and your ex-husband didn’t want anything to do with nahida now.

it was a shame, though. despite the bad way your relationship ended — with him cheating on you with one of his coworkers while you stayed at home taking care of your little treasure and doing everything to please him — nahida was still his daughter, a child that he had spent hours and hours talking when she was still in your belly, a child that he had treasured and did lots and lots of plans with you while she laid on his bare chest in a warm night of summer. but ever since your divorce, he hadn’t made any effort to be present in his daughter’s life again, but it didn’t seem like nahida was missing him.

your boyfriend was a better father figure to her, anyway.

after your divorce, you didn’t have anywhere to be — your ex husband made you quit your job after you got pregnant, so you could put all your energy into taking care of your baby and raising her the bestest you could. your best friends, cyno and tighnari, offered you a place to stay until you had a job and a good income to be able to live on your own with nahida, and you couldn’t be more grateful to them. if it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t have been hired in your boyfriend’s company as his secretary and become the neighbor of his younger brother, who played matchmaker for the both of you.

zhongli was a kind boss, always understanding when you needed to call a sick day whenever nahida needed you, to the point that rumors about your involvement began even before you two were actually together.

apparently, he had always looked at you with a lovestruck expression that everybody saw except you — because, in your head, how could a man as successful as him, as handsome and kind as him, would look at you with love in his eyes instead of pity? with a failed marriage and a little girl to take care of, you had already made up your mind that you would never find love again. but zhongli was stubborn and would do anything to show you that he was different than your ex-husband, his plan coming to fruition when you found a job in your actual line of field, with venti’s and ei’s help.

you were, at first, a bit hesitant in opening your heart again for another man. but you came to know that you and zhongli had passed by the same situation, a cheating wife that left him for her new affair, leaving two small children for him to take care of. if it wasn’t for venti and ei, in the words of the said younger brother of your ex boss, zhongli wouldn’t be able to raise his children to be such good kids. another thing that made you more prone to open yourself to him was the way he treated nahida, in such a care that you never saw your husband treating her — zhongli always coaxed giggles and giggles from her, and you knew you were in love with him watching him play with your daughter as if she was his own.

now, after one year of being together and two months of living as a family, it was the first christmas you five would spend together.

“aunt y/n, do you think daddy will like a new shirt? we can buy it blue to match with my hair!” ganyu’s excited voice took you from your thoughts, and you smiled at the young girl, nodding at her words, like xiao glared at his older sister.

ganyu and xiao were nine and seven, and the kindest children you ever met. they had accept you and nahida in their lives as if you both had always been a part of it, and the three of them had a very special bond — none of your friends had children on nahida’s age, and it was good to see the sibling bond she was forming with zhongli’s children. she and ganyu became sisters in less than a day, and while xiao was shyer than his sister, nahida was already calling him big brother by the end of the first week you all were living together. you and zhongli couldn’t be happier, being able to be together and watching your children getting closer — he’d always whisper how good of a mother you were while kissing your forehead, making you hide your face on his chest due to embarrassment.

“i think he will love one.” you agreed, hand messing ganyu's blue curls. “but maybe for his birthday? we need to remember that we need to buy two gifts for daddy.” sometimes it was bothersome the fact that your boyfriend's birthday was in the new year's eve, a date when people were already celebrating, but you tried to make it more special for him — zhongli's birthday celebration started as soon as he wake up, and it went through the whole day. he would turn thirty-four this year, and you wanted to make it as special as you wanted christmas to be.

“why didn't daddy choose a better day to be born? like us, or nahida!” xiao's complaint was cute, his hand clutching your skirt and his brows furrowed in an unhappy face.

you smiled at the younger boy, watching as ganyu looked at the dress shirts in the store. “we don't choose the day we're born, little man.” it was cute how he still flushed at your pet names for them, and you wondered if someday he'd grow too tired of them and ask you to stop. you hoped not, because both of them, ganyu and xiao, already had their special places on your heart — right at nahida's, but you feared it was too soon to call them like that.

“hmpf.” he pouted and you giggled, fighting the urge to pinch his cheeks and call him cute.

“aunt y/n!” ganyu called you, a beautiful blue dress shirt in her small hands. “i'm sure daddy will like this one! it's like my hair!” she proudly exclaimed, a smile full of white teeth adorning her chubby cheeks. but before you could answer, you heard an irritated sound coming from xiao’s mouth, who was still clutching your skirt, narrowed eyes looking at the shirt his sister chose.

“what about my hair then?” he asked and you sighed, knowing it would take a while to make those two agree on something.

—

zhongli smiled seeing the christmas’ lights shining on nahida’s green eyes.

he had always worried about his relationship with your child, even before you two were a thing — it was embarrassing how much he had daydreaming about being in a relationship with you, a thirty two three old man fantasizing about his twenty-seven secretary, but he couldn’t help himself. not when you smiled so sweetly at him, always making sure that he had a cup of water and coffee with him and that he wasn’t overworking himself. you were zhongli’s dream woman, and he knew he needed to court you properly.

you first told him about your daughter in a rainy day, after you had received a call from your friends, eyes glossy with tears — you explain that she had a fever through the whole night and you left her with your best friends so you could work, but it seemed like her condition was worse since you left. zhongli didn’t think twice about offering you a ride to your friends’ house then to the hospital, his heart contracting itself seeing your distressed face. you reluctantly accept, and the rest was story.

that day was the confirmation that you needed that you should accept his moves on you, already searching for a new job so you could fully welcome zhongli in your life. the way he made nahida feel safe, despite the doctors' scaring and the needles in her little body, made the tears you were holding back to fall from your eyes — your ex-husband’s last words ringing in your head, of how much of a bad mother you would be without him and his help.

now, zhongli was walking hand in hand with your six-year-old daughter through the jewelry store, trying to look for the perfect ring to propose to you.

“what gem do you think mommy would like, nahida?” he asked, his amber gaze eyeing some diamond’s rings on display, hands unconsciously reaching to take nahida between his arms so she could help him choose. she nuzzled between them, sighing contently before casting her green orbs on the rings and gasping softly. zhongli suppressed a chuckle — he missed when his children were small and innocent like her.

she pointed to a gold one with some green details, the diamond shaped in a heart with some emeralds around it. he wasn’t surprised though, as her favorite color was green — even the tips of her hair were dyed green, a courtesy of the day she, ganyu and xiao spent with venti. “that one, uncle ‘li!” she exclaimed, her face lightening up at the thought of your finger adorned with it. “but why are you gifting mommy it, uncle zhongli? my papa used to give her clothes or books.” nahida was the most intelligent and curious kid zhongli ever met, and he knew she’d ask why he wanted to give you a ring — though the mention of her father brought a sour taste to his mouth, he could never be angry at her for bringing him up.

she was too small to understand how much her father made her mother suffer.

“well,” he started, smiling at the vendor and pointing to the ring nahida liked. “i want to marry your mommy, and i’m going to ask her with the ring i’ll buy today. do you think she’ll accept it?”

he didn’t want to admit it, but his heart was hammering inside his chest like he was a teenager once more — nobody knew about his plans of proposing, and zhongli wanted to keep things a surprise to everyone, but he knew he needed to ask nahida’s permission first. she was your entire world, just like his children were his, but he wanted to make a space for himself there, like you and your little girl had on his. and nahida’s acceptance was what he needed to feel confident enough to ask you those three little words. he knew you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt or put her in danger, and he couldn’t blame you. you were a single mother in a world that looked down at you with disdain in its eyes.

though, nahida’s words caught him by surprise. “you promise you won’t make mommy cry like my papa did?” he looked puzzled at her, though he understood what she meant. “mommy thinks she hides things from me, but i’m not dumb. i remember when papa left us, she cried so much! and i don’t want to see her crying again.” she hid her face on his neck and zhongli sighed, stroking her back.

“i promise, my sweetness. i will never make mommy cry sad tears, alright?” he almost didn’t notice her small nod, but he felt her small hands gripping the back of his dress shirt tighter. “does that mean i can marry mommy?”

his heart felt more at ease when he heard her giggles. “of course!” nahida exclaimed while coming out from her hiding spot, a big smile on her face. “does that mean you’ll be my daddy, too?” as much as her voice had excitement on it, zhongli could recognize a bit of shyness, alongside the soft pink dusting her cheeks — but he felt his heart warm, and even though nahida didn’t know that, he already considered her his child, his youngest daughter. and to know that she wanted him to be her father figure was better than any other scenario he could think of.

“yes, i’ll be your daddy too, my sweetness.”

—

you looked down fondly at ganyu and xiao, both of them looking at their ice creams as if they were the richest treasure in the world.

at the end, they decided to buy a blue shirt as zhongli’s christmas’ present, and a gold wristwatch, with his black ornaments, as his birthday present. it was adorable to see how dedicated they were to find the perfect gift for their father, debating and arguing to try to find what he would like the most — in the end, you knew zhongli would use his gifts to work, showing his employees how cute and thoughtful his little angels were.

“this ice cream is so good, mommy.” you smiled, at first, hearing xiao’s words, napkin ready to clean his lips off the almond cream around it — but you stopped dead in your tracks when you noticed how he called you.

you never wanted to take their biological mother’s place in their lives, though zhongli always said that she never loved them like a mother should — she saw them as a way for him to continue married to her, so she could maintain her lifestyle as a ceo’s wife intact, partying and cheating on him behind his back and leaving his children to be taken care by nannies. once, he admitted to you that his biggest regret was choosing such a woman to be the mother of his children, whispering soon after that what happened to him and her led him to you, and zhongli couldn’t be more grateful. hearing him calling you that, although, filled your heart with warmth and your smile grew wider.

xiao was more introverted and reserved than ganyu, perhaps because of the so little time he spent with his mother before she and zhongli divorced. you thought he would be the last one to call you that, and you would be alright if he never did — the love you felt for them and the love they felt for you couldn’t be described in just a simple title.

“you’re getting your mouth all dirty, dummy.” as a good older sister, ganyu scolded him gently, though her mouth was dirty with some of the chocolate toppings of her ice cream. “it isn’t mommy’s job to clean you.”

you didn’t know if it was influence of her brother or just the mood that made her call you like that too, but you swallowed the lump in your throat. “it is mommy’s job to clean him, baby. it’s mommy’s job to look after the both of you, and nahida, and daddy too.” you tried to explain, napkins ready to clean them both. they giggled and, to any onlooker, you looked like a happy and small family — as you were, though two components of it were missing.

however, your giggles died down when you spotted familiar curls of light blue hair and a pair of red eyes looking straight at you.

you could recognize zandik’s eyes anywhere you went — they were sharp and calculating, the emotion shining on them always indecipherable. you used to find them beautiful, especially in the early days of your relationship with him, when they used to shine and sheer adoration, but now they only brought a sour taste to your mouth. but as soon as you noticed his presence there, you returned your eyes to your children, continuing to smile at them.

“mommy!” before you could say something, you heard your sweet girl’s voice, her small hands waving at you while she was perched comfortably between zhongli’s arms.

“daddy and ‘hida are back, xiao!” ganyu exclaimed, feet already taking her to where her father was standing. you offered your hand to xiao, who took it with more enthusiasm than normal, you two followed his big sister to finally find the two other members of your family.

though you could still feel your ex-husband’s gaze on your back.

you sighed relieved when zhongli’s arms embraced your body, burying your face on his neck — his sandalwood scent managed to ease your heart a bit, though you were still waiting for disaster to happen with zandik around. you heard the girls’ giggles and xiao’s little ‘tsk’ at your display of affection, and you could feel your boyfriend’s smile while he kissed your lips.

“i hope these little rascals didn’t give you any trouble, my dearest.” he spoke, voice deep and soothing, as if he could sense your distress at the moment. you smiled, shaking your head, while ganyu and xiao snuggled themselves in your sides.

surprisingly, xiao was the first one to speak. “we would never give mommy any trouble, daddy.” you watched as surprise and pure love passed through zhongli’s features, his eyes the warmest you ever saw — it was as if he had dreamed about the day his children would finally acknowledge you as their true mother, despite the blood running through his veins. ganyu nodded and joined her brother’s chorus, nodding.

“you’re the only one who we give trouble to, daddy!”

you ruffled their heads. “i hope my little rascal didn’t give you any trouble, my love. i know how curious she can be.” you returned his question to him, hands still caressing xiao’s and ganyu’s hair, winking at your little girl who giggled between zhongli’s arms, that being your favorite sound in the world. she looked so at ease and at her place being nursed and loved by him, as if he was the one supposed to be her father from the very beginning.

“my fault. she inherited it from her father, i suppose.”

you didn’t remember his voice being so cold, as if it was the chill of the first snow of the year — it wasn’t fitting no, as your husband hailed from the west, from a place that never snowed. maybe it was the influence of some of his coworkers from the north, but you still remembered when that voice used to be your source of peace and comfort. “zandik.” you greeted him, not bothering to turn around to look at him, more concerned in protecting your children from his venom. they seemed to understand how dangerous he was, clinging to you even more.

though, the worst part was watching nahida’s expression seeing her father after so long. her eyes were wide, but her lips were trembling and her small hands were clutching zhongli’s shirt with a strength you never saw before. you wanted nothing more than to just take her away from here, but zhongli’s expression told you he was willing to protect her like you would. it hurt you to know that your daughter was aware of the monster her father was, and you felt as if you had failed your mission to protect her childhood innocence.

he chose to ignore your presence, focusing his attention on zhongli and nahida, as if his ego was hurt by the fact his daughter didn't run straight to his arms. “why a strange man is holding my daughter, y/n?” you turned to face him, instinctively putting ganyu and xiao behind you, hoping to protect them.

“he's my boy—”

“he's my daddy!” nahida's voice cut you off, leaving everyone speechless. “he's going to marry mommy and not make her cry like you did, papa.” she explained, voice quiet like a feather reaching the ground after failing — though, to you, her words resonated inside your head, for two reasons: she was too young to be worried about someone making you cry.

and zhongli wanted to marry you.

zandik answered with a dry chuckle, his eyes shining with the same anger it did back then. “what poison about me did you feed to my daughter, you bitch?” you watched as his hand started to move towards your figure, and you closed your eyes, memories of the day when you confronted him about his cheating played in your head — the screams and the tears, the harsh words and his hands bruising your face.

though, the impact of his fist in your jaw didn't happen again.

you opened your arms to see zhongli in front of you, nahida being supported only by one of his arms but looking worried at your shaking form, his other hand holding zandik's arm, fingers squeezing your ex-husband’s wrist — even ganyu and xiao got away from their hiding place, now in front of you, as if they were ready to protect you.

“do not ever dare to touch my wife like that again, scum, or i will make sure you regret messing with my family again.” zhongli said, voice firm and demanding. “get out of my sight or else nobody in this world will make me stop hunting you for hurting y/n.”

—

it pained him to see you like this.

zhongli could see how strong you tried to look for the children, especially nahida. after the encounter with her father — and his boyfriend now, the same man who zandik had cheated on you with, who was lurking in the shadows until zhongli stepped up — she was visibly shaken up, not leaving your arms until your little family arrived home. in the walls of her safe place, nahida regained her light, and xiao and ganyu seemed relieved, ready to play with his little sister.

nor you or zhongli touched the subject in front of them, and he was waiting for night time, the only time when he was alone with you in the confines of your shared room, to extract your real feelings. he could see how your smiles didn’t reach your eyes, or how your laugh seemed forced — it seemed like the kids did too, all three of them snuggled in your arms during the movie you were watching, while you were snuggled at his side. he couldn’t ask for anything better than to have the love of his life and his children safe in his arms, though his mind was running miles trying to find a way to make your husband pay for what he made you and nahida go through.

another thing that he wanted to discuss was the little secret nahida spilled.

he didn’t blame her, of course. zhongli understood it was her way of protecting him and her mother from her father’s words, and he couldn’t be more grateful for her actions — it was a testimony of how well you were raising her, and also a testimony that you both were better without the shadow of zandik looming over you. nahida now had space to grow her opinions and be whatever she wanted, and zhongli was happy that he was able to provide such an environment for her, alongside you.

the sound of the door opening made him tear his eyes from his book, gentle gaze now focused on your form. you were wearing some pajamas pants and an old t-shirt of his, and he swore you looked the most beautiful you ever did looking like that — perhaps, you in a white dress walking down the aisle to meet him could beat such a sight. he opened his arms and you took no time to just jump between them, face nuzzled on his neck, his warm hands drawing circles on your lower back. you sighed contentedly. “how is she?” he knew you were putting nahida to sleep, being the one who aided you in putting the children in their respective rooms, staying a bit more in her room to make sure she was alright.

“she’s still a bit shaken up.” you answered, voice muffled by his shirt. zhongli tightened his arms around you, kissing your hair. “i explained to her that zandik will never take her away from us, but she made me promise it at least three times.” your chuckle was a sad one, and he feared you bursting into tears for someone who didn’t deserve it — though, he couldn’t help and feel warm inside by the fact you included him and his children in your family.

he kept his silence, only humming, knowing you had to say more. “why is he like that? why i couldn’t see how horrible he was from day one?” you seemed defeated, and his blood boiled at the sensation of your tears soaking his shirt.

zhongli knew very well how you felt. “love normally clouds our senses, dearest.” you took your face from its hiding spot, meeting his amber eyes — gentle and shining with endless love for you, making your heartbeat race just like in the first time you saw them. “but he will never try to approach you or nahida again, do you hear me?” he held your face between his large hands, thumb caressing your cheeks in a loving way. you nodded, giving him a smile that resembled your normal ones.

“i wish you were nahida’s father from the start, ‘li.” you admitted, a pout on your lips. he pecked them briefly, almost giving you no time to melt into the kiss, kissing your forehead soon after.

he helped you to get up from his embrace, legs straddling his thighs, while taking a small black velvet box from under your pillow. “if you say yes, i can.”

you looked between him and the velvet box as if you didn't understand what was happening, but in reality, you couldn't believe it. why zhongli, a man so fine like the most delicious wine, wanted to marry you? a poor excuse of a woman and mother, who still got shaken up with the presence of her ex-husband? you knew he deserved someone so much better than yourself, but you wanted to be that person — but the tears were already glossing your vision and your head came to rest on his chest, his hands holding you close to his body.

you cried like a child, the velvet box between your hands and zhongli's long fingers between your hair. his warmth was almost soothing you, almost whispering that you were made and born to be in that position, between his arms and feeling his love for all eternity.

your sobs calmed in the same intensity zhongli's love professions became more and more passionately, his words making you see that even if you didn't feel like you were deserving of his love, he felt like you were. and that was enough, you came to realize — zhongli's love was his to give to anyone he deemed worthy of, and he deemed you and your daughter worthy of his endless affections.

“yes.” you whispered against the pale skin of his neck, now a bit red from the small love bites you gave him after you calmed down. the velvet box was still resting in your hands, and after giving his neck another kiss, you positioned yourself to face him and his amber gaze, eyes already tearing up by the love shining on them.

zhongli's hands were ready to open it, showing you the most beautiful ring you ever saw in your life — a gold band with a heart shaped diamond in the middle, some emeralds, as the same color as your sweet girl's eyes, around it, making the ring perfect for you. you nodded again, heart racing when he took your hand in his and put the ring on your finger. as soon as you felt the cold band in your warm skin, you cupped his face, bringing his face to meet yours in a passionate kiss.

“thank you.” zhongli whispered against your lips after he broke the kiss, and you smiled, though not ready for his next words. “thank you for loving me, for choosing this scarred and brute man to be your husband.” you just stroked his face, letting him talk his heart out. “thank you for being the best mother for nahida and now to ganyu and xiao.” his lips soon found your face once again, now caressing your cheek. “i love you.” he whispered with his nose on your cheek, his plump lips pressing a big and sloppy kiss there, his hands now roaming through your body — you knew what he wanted, already grinding your hips against his.

“you'll make me cry again.” you managed to say between the shaky breaths leaving your mouth due to his wandering hands. “i— ah— love you.”

both of you couldn't wait to be intertwined as one for eternity, expressed by the sounds and movements of your bodies — and the proposal would always be remembered by you as one of your christmas's miracle.

#zhongli x reader #zhongli fluff #zhongli #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin fluff

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intheholler · 3 months

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Howdy! I absolutely love this blog and am so glad I found it <3 Do you have any advice for reclaiming (for lack of a better word) your accent? Mine is all weird from years of codeswitching/trying to hide it, and now that I'm older and have more pride in where I come from, I miss that I don't sound exactly like all the other people from my area. Thank you!!

hi there <33 im glad yall found it too lol. welcome!

also sure! i was (am?) in the exact same boat :') so i guess i could try to tell you what's worked for me.

my first advice would be to try and stop being so critical about what you're saying and how you sound when you say it. easier said than done, ik, because obviously when you code switch, you are very aware of and careful about how you talk, but that's the very first massive block i had to work on before anything else.

so, the first thing i did was work on detaching myself from that need and not policing myself as i spoke. i tried to just let the sounds come out, especially my vowels. i always kept those real tight bc i felt like they're the biggest "tell" i wanted to avoid.

i achieved this by talking to myself in private to shake off that internalized shit that made me wanna disguise it around others in the first place. no one can hear you but you, so just yourself have it, even if u feel silly at first like i did. i dealt with some imposter syndrome-esque stuff about it during this time.

its gonna sound goofy, but for a while, to get ur mouth back in the habit of making certain shapes during certain words, start talking to yourself in an exaggerated form of ur original accent. like fully put it on lmao. maybe even heavier than the one you used to have. this helped my brain get reaquainted with my mouth.

then i started just actively listening to myself think and talk. there is the comfortable and familiar way my brain wants the words to be formed in my natural dialect, and then there is my mouth that stops it out of codeswitching habit. it took active work and effort to make my accent go away, and it's taking active work and effort to make it come back.

anyway, a lot of my pronunciations i no longer have to "actively hear" myself give, so i know it's working <3

sometimes i'll even say something, pause and mentally be like "goddamn, what the fuck was that that just came out my mouth" and then im like "oh right, that's me 🥰 hello again, me"

im glad you're ready to start reclaiming this part of yourself and i wish you good luck. it's surprisingly hard! i started making a conscious effort three or four years ago and mine is still not as strong as i'd like.

#asks #appalachian dialect #Appalachia

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diorkyeom · 7 months

Text

‘✷’ : CHAPTER SIX “to be your own person”

<< prev chapter | ao3 fic | next chapter >>

chapter word count: 5.6k+

chapter warnings: none

summary: "lately, seokmin had come to a realisation. joshua hong, he thought, was a little bit of an enigma." - in which seokmin has known joshua for years, but he's always been a bit of a mystery to him. and as the days go by, he finds himself wanting to know who the real Joshua Hong is under his polite smile and warm eyes and sweet words.

notes: aight gays im gonna be real i have no idea how this is gonna progress and any time i made u think i knew what was going on, i was basically lying to you bc i have no idea lmao

“Soonyoung hyung, I think I left my keys at Jeonghan hyung’s,” was the first thing Seokmin said as Soonyoung groggily emerged from his room the next morning.

“Good for you,” the elder croaked, rubbing at his half-closed eyes, before walking past Seokmin and into the kitchen.

Seokmin trailed after him. “I need to go over there and pick them up.”

Soonyoung just grunted, opening the fridge and squinting into its depths. “Okay. Have fun.”

There was a brief pause, as Seokmin watched his roommate squint at the fridge a little longer before pulling out a container of cold chicken and walking to the table, letting the refrigerator door swing shut.

“You’re coming with me, you know," he said. "Come on, hyung.”

“Hm.” Soonyoung looked up from the chicken, eyes still puffy with sleep, yet still managing to direct a mildly accusing stare at Seokmin. “Why am I getting a sense of deja vu?”

Seokmin just grinned as innocently as he could. Unlike most Saturdays after coming back from Game Night, his head was curiously clear. He supposed it was one of the upsides of not drinking as much. Soonyoung, however, was as thoroughly out of it as usual, and probably wasn't fit to leave the house for another four hours. But when Seokmin had come home last night, discovered his house keys were not in his back pocket as they usually were and had had to fish Soonyoung’s keys from somewhere off of his drunk body to open the door, he'd come to the conclusion he’d left them over at Jeonghan’s. He hadn't had the energy last night to go all the way back and pick them up, though, so Seokmin had made the decision to go fetch them the day after.

Not by himself, of course. He had to bring his lovely friend Soonyoung with him too.

“I’m not coming,” Soonyoung said, looking down at the chicken and then over at their stove, and then down at the chicken again before promptly beginning to eat the cold meat with his hands, evidently deciding it was too much effort to heat it up. “Go get your keys yourself.”

“Hyung! Come on. You’re coming with me.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No, Seokmin, I’m not, and you cannot force me t—”

An hour later, Soonyoung stomped up the path to Jeonghan and Joshua’s front door, arms folded. Seokmin waited further along the steps, grinning widely as Soonyoung frowned and pouted and muttered annoyances under his breath.

“I can’t believe you dragged me out of the house to watch you get your keys,” he grumbled. “My head is still pounding.”

“Nonsense,” Seokmin replied cheerfully. “If it was, and if it was really that bad, then you would’ve put up more of a fight. You basically walked out of the front door hand-in-hand with me.”

He knocked on the door, and beamed wider as Soonyoung glared.

“I’m pretty sure I protested the entire time.”

Seokmin shrugged, as if Soonyoung protesting was a given. “But you walked out by yourself! I didn’t have to drag you kicking and screaming from the house.” He turned back to the door, knocking more insistently. “Why are they not answering? Hello, there are people outside your house!”

Soonyoung winced as Seokmin continued to hammer at the door. “Maybe Jeonghan’s asleep. I mean, he did spend a long time towards the end of the night doing, like, a million cartwheels.”

“Yeah, but he has my keys,” Seokmin whined. “I don’t even know how I left them there. And I want them back— Ah!”

The door suddenly swung open and Seokmin’s hand went sailing through mid-knock. By a sudden, miraculous bout of reflexes, Jeonghan managed to duck the fist, and then stared at him amusedly. “Well, good morning to you too.” His eyes were twinkling, and he looked far too awake for someone who had spent a good majority of the early hours of that morning doing drunken cartwheels around his own home. “What do you want?”

“What, can’t we just come over because we missed our lovely Jeonghan hyung?” Seokmin asked teasingly, as Jeonghan opened the door wider to let the two of them in.

Jeonghan laughed, walking further inside, picking his way through the mess. “You missed me?”

Seokmin nodded his head vigorously as he took off his shoes, before following Jeonghan while Soonyoung stayed in the doorway, cursing at his shoes which refused to be untied. “Of course! We’d only ever come here because we miss you dearly, you know?”

A head popped into view from the stairs as Jeonghan led them to the living room, and Seokmin narrowly managed to avoid bashing his forehead against a person’s chin.

“Han?” the head asked. “Who’s here?”

And then the head froze, making eye contact with Seokmin.

Seokmin blinked up at Joshua, who blinked back, startled. His hair was all messed up, eyes still a little heavy with sleep, and there were pillow marks on one side of his face.

Neither of them said anything, and there was silence save for Soonyoung’s continued curses at the front door. Jeonghan grinned at them from the living room doorway, cheeks pulled up, looking like he’d planned this encounter, but of course he didn’t, because no one could plan this, right?

Right?

“You only missed me, hm?” Jeonghan said, and his eyes were still twinkling. “Only me, Seokmin?”

Seokmin laughed. Nervously. With the distinct feeling that he was walking right into a trap. “Haha, not just you, of course. I missed our Joshua hyung as well!”

Someone made a squeaking noise, but when Seokmin turned to look at Joshua again, he was walking down the stairs, shaking his head, running a hand through his fluffed-up hair in an attempt to calm it down.

“Stop messing with him, Jeonghan,” Joshua said, sighing. His tone was long-suffering, annoyed, and yet with a smile to his voice that made Seokmin smile a little too. “He’s here for something. Let him get what he came here for instead of extorting words of affirmation from him.”

Jeonghan laughed. Soonyoung was still in the doorway. Joshua was rubbing his cheeks, glaring at his housemate, and Seokmin felt like he was missing something.

“What if I’m extorting them for you, hm?” Jeonghan grinned, before waving his hand, turning back to Seokmin. “Okay, okay. You’re here for your keys, aren’t you?”

Seokmin blinked. “How did you know?”

Jeonghan grinned, impossibly wider, and Seokmin was a chronic smiler himself but this looked like it was most definitely bordering on uncomfortable. He turned to Joshua, impish.

Joshua stared at Jeonghan, in disbelief, looking more and more awake with every passing second.

“I’ll go get them,” he said, after a long, long moment. “They’re upstairs in my room.” And with that, he turned on his heel and disappeared back up the stairs.

At that moment, Soonyoung seemed to materialise at Seokmin’s shoulder. “Alright, have you found your keys? Can we go now?”

Seokmin didn’t even register what he’d said. “Hyung,” he said to Jeonghan, “why are my keys in Joshua hyung’s room?”

Jeonghan pouted. “He messed it up. Joshuji wasn’t meant to get them himself.”

“What?”

“Never mind.” Jeonghan waved a hand. “How are both of you doing, by the way? I don’t think I saw you drink a lot last night, Seokmin.”

“He didn’t,” Soonyoung said. “But I did. And my head hurts. Once we get Seokmin’s keys, we’re gonna go.”

“Go?” Jeonghan repeated. “Goodness, no, don’t go! We still have all this mess to clean up. You’re going to help, you know.” He gestured all around him, at the house which looked more like a dumping ground than a property in a suburban area. “I can’t do this by myself.”

At that moment, Joshua descended the stairs, Seokmin’s keys clattering in his hands. Seokmin’s eyes lit up as the elder handed him his keys, face breaking out into a grateful beam.

“Oh, hyung, thank you so much!”

Joshua looked up from their hands to blink at Seokmin, before he smiled, all melty soft and gently golden. The gold was unfamiliar, but not extremely so: like Seokmin had seen it perhaps once before. All open and glowing and light. But… where?

“No worries. Jeonghan gave them to me, saying you’d dropped them somewhere in the house,” Joshua was saying. He shrugged. “Knowing Han, he probably just stole it from you while drunk.”

“Joshua!” Jeonghan looked scandalised. “Why would you expose my secrets like that?”

Seokmin blinked, and then laughed, slapping Jeonghan on the shoulder. “You’re so mean, hyung! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!”

Jeonghan joined in with his fake laughs, slapping Seokmin in reciprocation. “It’s just part of my charm!”

Soonyoung blinked tiredly, and he and Joshua exchanged looks as the other two continued with their actions. “I think Jeonghan hyung’s still drunk,” Soonyoung said, and Joshua nodded.

“There’s a very good possibility.”

“Anyways,” Jeonghan said, poking Seokmin in the side before stepping back, “as an apology, I can have you help us clean up our house.”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t,” Seokmin said, clasping his hands together dramatically. “I have other stuff to do.” He turned to Soonyoung, grinned, and rapidly turned on his heel. “Bye!”

Soonyoung frowned. “Wait, what? Seokmin, what stuff do you have to do?”

Jeonghan tilted his head, before beaming. “Well, Soonyoung, it seems you’ve been chosen to help clean up the mess!”

Joshua drifted down the hallway as Soonyoung vehemently protested, running his hand amusedly through his hair as Seokmin struggled to put on his shoes. “Do you actually have other stuff to do?”

“I do, actually,” Seokmin said, almost falling over as he tugged on his sneakers. “I have, uh. Something. With Jihoon hyung.”

“With Jihoon hyung.” Joshua crossed his arms, leaning against the wall as he watched Seokmin, the weak cries of Soonyoung echoing behind him. “You have plans with him?”

Seokmin finally won the battle over his shoes, and stood up. “Yeah, actually! I have to record a… thing. For him. He asked me last night.”

Joshua looked at Seokmin for a long moment, and Seokmin shifted uneasily. There was that whirring cogs look in Joshua’s eyes again, but it only lasted a second before he smiled, all fluffy cotton candy.

“Sure,” he said, leaning away from the wall to step forwards, and Seokmin had no explanation for the way his heart suddenly jumped as Joshua leaned closer, before reaching past him and opening the front door for him. Joshua smiled again. “Have fun.”

Seokmin swallowed, smiling back. “Thanks, hyung.” He nodded to Soonyoung and Jeonghan, who were still arguing further inside the house. “Have fun too.”

Joshua grimaced, and his expression made Seokmin laugh. “I’ll try.”

And then he bid goodbye to Seokmin once more, with a wave that the younger made sure to return, and then Seokmin was walking back down the path, out onto the street, a smile still inexplicably on his face.

───────────── ‘✷,

“Ah, there he is,” Soonyoung said dramatically the moment Seokmin stepped into their apartment. “The traitor. The man who abandoned his hungover roommate who had to clean up last night’s mess with one Yoon Jeonghan nattering in his ear.”

Seokmin just laughed at the echo of Soonyoung’s voice from somewhere in the living room, taking off his shoes and wandering down the hallway. “Hyung, Jeonghan hyung texted me to say that he didn’t actually make you clean up when you were all hungover, and he actually just made you tea and fed you cookies instead.”

There was a pause, before Soonyoung’s voice floated down the hallway again. “Well, you’re still a traitor for abandoning me,” he said. Seokmin grinned, poked his head into the living room, and then upon seeing the other people in their apartment, beamed wider.

“Seungkwan! How’s your head doing, after those handstands last night? Oh, and Junhui hyung! You’re here too?”

Junhui waved from the floor. “Hi! Minghao kicked me out of our apartment. Said I was giving him a headache.”

“Aw, poor Junhui hyung,” Seokmin said, pouting, before sitting on the floor next to him. “What were you doing? Why did Minghao kick you out?”

“I was singing in his ear.”

“Oh.” Seokmin blinked. “Well, if I was Minghao, I would’ve kicked you out too.”

Junhui just grinned.

“Anyways, where were you, hyung?” Seungkwan asked curiously. He was all sprawled out on the sofa, looking like he owned it, while Soonyoung was bunched up in one corner. Seokmin was mildly surprised that Soonyoung had let that happen. “Hyung wouldn’t tell us anything about where you were.”

“That’s because he didn’t tell me anything,” Soonyoung grumped, before kicking Seungkwan’s shins. “Also, move over. You’re squishing me.”

“I was with Jihoon hyung,” Seokmin said, shrugging. “Just doing him a favour. Nothing big.”

Seungkwan squinted suspiciously, but he didn’t have time to push it before Soonyoung bodily shoved him back onto one half of the couch, already talking about something else.

“Speaking of Jihoon, though,” Soonyoung said, ignoring the younger’s squawks of indignation, “He’s recently sold a song to that new boy group. Did you know that?”

“Wait, you mean that boy group that went viral for their debut song?” Junhui asked, and when Soonyoung nodded, he grinned. “Wow, that’s amazing!”

Soonyoung grinned, and his cheeks looked almost rosy with pride. “I know right? Jihoon’s amazing.” He paused, and then somehow, managed to grin even wider. “And guess who was just asked to choreograph their dance for them?”

Junhui’s eyes widened, and when Seokmin finally clocked what Soonyoung meant, he let out a dramatic gasp and clasped his hands together.

“No way! Seriously? Hyung, you’re so incredible!” he cried, throwing his arms in the air in congratulations. “Are you gonna take it? You’re gonna take it, right? Imagine if this comeback goes crazy viral for them too! Imagine if you were able to come back as their permanent choreographer!”

Soonyoung grinned, shrugging. “Dunno. I might. A couple of indie companies have reached out to me, though, so I’m a little bit booked up.”

“No!” Seungkwan suddenly shot up and grabbed Soonyoung’s shoulders, looking like he’d completely forgotten his earlier disgruntled state. “You have to take this, hyung. I gotta show the music video to my colleagues when it comes out and brag about the fact that your name is in the credits!” He turned to Junhui. “Hyung, back me up here!”

Junhui laughed, leaning back on his hands. “Take the job, Soon-ah. You don’t want Seungkwan to not be able to brag to his colleagues, do you?”

That made Soonyoung laugh. “Okay, okay, maybe I will. They haven’t finalised payment just yet, but their offering price was a decent amount, so I might.” He fished out a bag of chips from somewhere amidst the mess, opening them and beginning to chomp really loudly. “I googled the company, and they’ve had, like, really good choreographers under them for a while. One of them left to start his own company though, and I think that’s why they offered a job to me.”

“That’s so cool,” Seokmin said sincerely, eyes wide. “You should take it, hyung. Is it only one song?”

“Both their title track and a b-side, I think,” Soonyoung said, and then smiled, looking utterly delighted. “If they’re going to be performed, normally those two songs are pretty different in style. They must like my work a lot if they think I can pull off two different choreos.”

“As they should,” Seungkwan said, nodding vigorously. “You’re incredible, hyung. You deserve to choreograph for every single song in the world.”

Junhui tilted his head. “Is that a compliment? ‘Cause it sounds more like an overworking curse than anything.”

Seungkwan ignored him. “Do you know what the title track sounds like? Wait, how did you even know that it’s the same song as Jihoon hyung’s?”

“I told Hoon about the job offer, duh,” Soonyoung said simply. “And he said, yeah, he’s recently written a title track for that company, and turns out that it really is the same one."

"Oh!" Seokmin's eyes were wide with amazement. "What are the odds, huh? Does that mean Jihoon hyung let you listen to the demo?"

"He didn't have one," Soonyoung said, shrugging. "Which is weird, because he normally records the demos by himself as soon as he's finished composing a track. But he said he was looking for a different voice, 'cause he wanted someone else to do it."

"Huh, I wonder whose voice he was stealing," Junhui was in the middle of saying when Seokmin's eyes widened and he let out a tiny squeaking noise, making all of them pause and turn to look at him.

"Seokmin?” Junhui said. “Was that you?”

"No," Seokmin lied, before remembering that he really was a terrible liar. "And I definitely don't know anything about the person that Jihoon hyung used for his demo."

"You're lying," Seungkwan observed, incredibly intelligently, as if Seokmin wasn't the most obvious liar in the world.

“No shit,” Soonyoung said, narrowing his eyes. “What do you know, Seokmin? Is it something bad?”

Seokmin blinked rapidly. “No?”

Junhui narrowed his eyes. “Is the person whose voice Jihoon stole a really bad person?”

“What? No!” Seokmin shook his head, and then smiled awkwardly. “It’s just that, uh…” He paused, and then shrugged, all jerky movements and embarrassed grins. “Jihoon hyung… might’ve used my voice?”

A beat.

And then there was an explosion of noise, with Seungkwan crying out in disbelief and Soonyoung wailing and pretending to be hurt that he wasn’t told and Junhui just bursting into laughter and slapping Seokmin’s arm over and over again.

“How?” Seungkwan demanded, before repeating himself thrice more when no one seemed to be listening to him. “Hyung, how? How did you even agree?”

Seokmin grinned again, sheepishly. “Jihoon hyung asked me yesterday,” he said. “Asked if it would be alright for me to sing the demo track. It’s nothing too big or fancy, so I said yeah. And then we recorded it today.”

“Can we listen?” Soonyoung asked, and both Seungkwan and Junhui nodded fervently. “Can we? You have it with you, right?”

Seokmin shook his head rapidly, so hard that his ears started ringing. “Oh, no no no. No. You can’t. It sounds really bad. You shouldn’t listen to it.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Seungkwan protested. “Hyung! I wanna hear it! I wanna be able to use it to prove to you that you could totally be a singer!”

“Nope, none of you guys will ever hear it,” Seokmin said, crossing his arms. “Jihoon hyung has heard it, and Soonyoung hyung might hear it too for his work, but that’s it. No one else. Not if I can help it.”

“Aw.” Junhui patted Seokmin’s shoulder, and then pinched his cheek. “Well, if you’re sure.” He smiled then, all sweet and lovely and Junhui-like. “But I bet you sound really, really good. We’re proud of you for doing that! Jihoon’s probably really thankful as well.” And then he turned back to the others, and abruptly said, “Do you think stars plan when they’re about to die?”

Instantly, the conversation topic changed as they all ranted animatedly about the random topic that Junhui had thrown at them, and Seokmin found himself eagerly participating too, grateful for how easily Junhui had switched their conversation around. Knowing Seungkwan and Soonyoung, they’d have probably wrangled the demo recording out of him, the brats all too aware of their collective ability to wear him down in five seconds flat.

But as it were, the demo and the fact that Seokmin was singing was something he was still a little self-conscious about, especially the idea of other people hearing him. It felt… weird, to have someone listen to his voice in that way. Especially when he wasn’t that confident in his singing.

Oh, well. Maybe he’d get there one day, he thought, as he laughed at Junhui’s earnest expression as the elder argued for the emotional intelligence of stars. Seungkwan would probably love to give him pointers on expression and projection and stuff.

───────────── ‘✷,

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, mister? It’s midnight!”

“Out!” Seokmin yelled back, putting on his coat. “I’m going on a walk.”

“No you’re not!”

“What do you have against me going on a walk?”

“Stay home and watch trashy TV with me!”

Seokmin shook his head as Soonyoung’s voice echoed down the hall from the living room, the small sounds of tinny sitcom laughter floating through the air. He put on his shoes, making sure his keys were in his pocket before opening the door.

“I’m going out, and you can’t stop me!”

“Well, I could go over there and steal your keys.”

“But are you going to?”

Soonyoung paused for a moment, and then came a petulant huff from the living room. “Fine. Go. I hope you get kidnapped!”

Seokmin just laughed before walking out of their apartment, closing the door behind him.

The week had passed by almost painfully slowly. Even more slowly than normal, and by the time Friday had rolled around again, Seokmin felt as if he’d lived through a whole entire month rather than just six days.

It was why he was going out on a walk now, wandering down empty streets, kicking fallen leaves. He only went on nightly walks when he was truly exhausted, mentally, and the week had been so draining that he believed he definitely deserved to go on one tonight. Even though nothing had really happened, he was still so tired, his brain whirring and rattling so fast that all his thoughts were nothing but crackly clatters, bashing into each other and screeching like metal against metal, and he wanted nothing more than to escape his own head and go somewhere else. Somewhere quieter, gentler. Somewhere soft.

Cotton soft.

“Hello,” a voice said in his ear, and Seokmin felt oddly as if warm light had suddenly spilled over his shoulder as he turned to look over at the man coming to sit beside him.

Joshua smiled, a slight upturning of the lips that made Seokmin’s own lips tingle with the urge to smile too. “Tiring week?”

Seokmin gave in to the urge, and smiled, dimly registering his own lack of surprise at Joshua’s sudden appearance. It was as if it was completely normal, like Joshua blended in with the calm of the silent night, like Joshua wasn’t anything startling or out of place in Seokmin’s late night attempt to escape the mess in his head.

Almost as if, deep down, Seokmin had been expecting to see him. Or hoping to see him, at the very least.

“The most tiring,” he sighed, and Joshua nodded in understanding, sitting down under the streetlamp with him. “I don’t even know why. This was just a normal week.”

Joshua tilted his head. “That’s okay. A week can be normal and utterly exhausting at the same time.”

Seokmin looked away. “Maybe.”

There was silence, then, calm and soft grey and filled only with the sound of them breathing. Seokmin wondered vaguely how Joshua had even managed to find him: he was sitting in some residential street near his apartment, after all, out of the way of main roads and normal paths that people took walks on. And yet Joshua had found him, found Seokmin at the time he’d hidden himself away, at the time he’d most wanted to be alone.

But Joshua’s presence radiated warmth beside him, shoulders pressed together, both of them sitting right underneath the glow of the streetlamp, and as Seokmin finally felt the tangled screams in his brain slowly unravel, he decided that this was most certainly better than being alone.

“What have you been up to this week?” Joshua asked softly, and the question made Seokmin blink, before letting out a soft laugh.

“You make it sound like we don’t literally work in the same place, hyung,” he said. “As if I don’t tell you every little detail about my day the moment we leave work.”

Joshua just shrugged, a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips. “Maybe I want to hear it again.”

“All of it?” Seokmin asked. Teasing.

But Joshua just looked at Seokmin, his small smile widening slightly. “Yeah. All of it.”

And, well. Seokmin had to look away after a few moments, because there was something so delicately silver in Joshua’s smile, and it made his fingers twitch and his ears burn, not quite understanding why that expression was affecting him so… weirdly.

He told Joshua about his week, though, after gathering his thoughts, because Joshua was always such a good listener, and talking aloud to him strangely made his brain unravel even more. Like his mere presence was enough to smooth all the jagged edges of his thoughts, hush the screams in his mind, settle everything back down into a state of peace and comfort.

“—described such a thought-provoking analysis, and I don’t normally make predictions on my students, especially the younger ones, but she is someone who I think would do really well in something like law or philosophy,” Seokmin finished, and Joshua hummed interestedly.

“Really? From just one analysis she did?”

Seokmin shook his head. “It was her entire essay,” he said, eyes wide. “This was, like, top tier writing the entire way through. She talked about themes and changing ideas in a way we’d never discussed in class. She’s a natural, I just know it.”

“I’ll look forward to seeing her named one of the top lawyers in the country,” Joshua said solemnly, and Seokmin laughed, tilting his head back.

“If you ever need a lawyer, just contact her and tell her you’re Mr. Lee’s long-lost twin,” Seokmin joked, beaming. “She’ll be sure to help you.”

Joshua smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Seokmin leaned back, sighing contentedly. “I don’t know, but there’s just something about you, hyung,” he began thoughtfully, “that makes it so easy to be… comfortable.” He turned to look at Joshua, as the elder raised an eyebrow and propped his elbow on his knee, resting his cheek against his palm. “Is that weird? You’re just really easy to talk to, I think. It’s nice.”

Joshua hummed, his gaze sliding past Seokmin before focusing on him again with a smile, eyes meltingly soft. “I guess it’s just part of my charm.”

“Yeah, probably,” Seokmin agreed easily, and Joshua laughed. “You’re charming, hyung. Like, even Minghao thinks you’re a nice person. And that guy won’t even admit to thinking that Junhui is decent, despite the fact he's been living with him voluntarily for years.”

"Well, Junhui's good company," Joshua said.

"And he's adorable," Seokmin shook his head, smiling. "That's not the point, though." He lightly bumped his shoulder against Joshua's. "You're always so nice to everyone. Even Minghao agrees."

Joshua chuckled, leaning his cheek further into his palm, eyes fixed on Seokmin. The yellow light above them made his eyes look caramel gold, glinting like gilded words on the open pages of an ancient book. Easily read, easily seen, easily identified as the most beautiful thing in the entire world.

He really looked so… at ease, his frame all relaxed as he sat next to Seokmin, their knees touching, his smile so bright and sweet that Seokmin’s chest did a weird, fluttery thing, and he had to swallow and blink rapidly a few times to get it to go away.

But Joshua just looked so open, his expressions crystal clear on his face, and as Seokmin thought back to last week, he couldn’t help but feel a little confused.

“Joshua hyung,” he started, and Joshua hummed, eyes refocusing on Seokmin to listen to what he was saying. “You know during last month’s Game Night? When you were talking to Jeonghan hyung?”

Joshua paused, and while his eyes were still copper-gold, he looked more cautious. “Yes?”

“You kind of… shut down, when you saw me,” Seokmin said. He fiddled with his fingers, and Joshua took his cheek off his palm and sat up properly. “Did I… Are you… Was it something I wasn’t meant to hear? I mean, it’s just that I’ve never seen you look so… like that around me before.”

Joshua was looking at Seokmin intently, and not for the first time, Seokmin felt almost as if Joshua was gauging his real emotions, what his real question was, figuring out how much to say and whether it would be okay to say it. But his face was still glittering gold, irises shining around the edges, so it felt less like Joshua was hiding from him, and more like he was trying to find the words to speak about his real self.

After a moment, the elder smiled.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, slowly. Careful. “Han was just being irritating again. I didn’t want you to be irritated by the nonsense he was saying as well.”

Seokmin stared at Joshua, before shaking his head. “You’re really nice, hyung,” he began. “You’re really nice. To everyone. And that’s—that’s really hard to do. Believe me, I’ve tried. But you do it really well, and—and I can tell, you know. That you’re changing for everyone. So you can be this all-round likeable person.

“And I’m not judging you for it. If I could do that, I’d do it too. But I guess, sometimes, I get… worried?” Seokmin hunched his shoulders, curling into himself, shy. “Because I just really like you a lot, hyung. You’re a really cool friend. And I’d never lie to you, and I know you’d never lie to me, but sometimes, when you change your personality like that, it kind of feels like you are.”

Joshua was silent, before he reached over and nudged Seokmin’s knee with the back of his hand, a gentle press of knuckles against fabric, the warmth of his touch almost instantly making Seokmin want to melt into him. And then his hand was gone, resting back on his own knee, as he looked away from Seokmin and out onto the darkened street.

“It’s hard to be your own person, once you realise that being everyone else’s person makes life a whole lot easier,” he said quietly. And then he didn’t say anything else.

After a moment, Seokmin sighed softly, bringing his own hand up to cover Joshua’s where it rested on his knee. “I get that,” he said. “But… it’s good to be your own person too.”

Joshua looked down, shrugged. Thought for a long moment, and then spoke. “By now, it’s habit, I guess. I’m used to being someone else’s person so it probably just comes easily now. And normally, most people don’t notice.”

He hesitated, then, words ringing opalescent in the air, so light and feathery and truthful that Seokmin felt kind of dizzy. Joshua’s hand was still warm under his, and he couldn’t quite tell whether the touch was grounding him or making him feel even floatier. And then Joshua’s grip tightened, just slightly, and Seokmin managed to focus back on him again.

“You’re a little different, though,” he said, chuckling softly. “Both you and Jeonghan. I’m not allowed to be someone else with Jeonghan. And you…” His words trailed off, and he looked back at Seokmin, eyes bright. He blinked, and for a brief moment, Seokmin could read every single galaxy within Joshua’s eyes.

Joshua’s eyelashes fluttered, and he looked down at where Seokmin’s hand covered his own.

“Every time I see you, it just gets harder and harder to be the someone else’s person to you.”

Seokmin breathed in quietly, shakily. “I think you should just be you.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Seokmin,” Joshua said quietly, with a small laugh. “It is me. Everything is all me. I just…” He paused, mouth twisting, like there were words he wanted to say but he couldn’t find them. Or maybe they didn’t exist.

“That’s okay, then,” Seokmin said, and then held Joshua’s hand more securely, wrapping his fingers around Joshua’s as the elder looked up at him, mild surprise in his eyes. “That’s fine. I get it. I still think you should allow us to truly know you, though, Joshua hyung. We’re your friends. We care about you.”

Joshua nodded, and his thumb lightly brushed against the side of Seokmin’s fingers, smiling just a little. “Maybe just you, for now,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just have you know me for now.”

Seokmin blinked, before beaming, wide and happy. “You won’t have to do anything different,” he promised. “I’ll help you feel comfortable with me, all by myself. I wanna know who you are, Joshua hyung.”

“Shua hyung,” Joshua said after a moment, and Seokmin tilted his head.

“Shua hyung?”

“You can call me Shua,” Joshua elaborated, and his face was so soft, his smile tinged with a shyness that Seokmin had never seen before. “I just… It’d probably be easier than saying all the syllables for ‘Joshua hyung’. If you want, of course.”

“I—of course,” Seokmin said, earnestly. Then he grinned again, squeezing Joshua’s hand once before releasing it and throwing his arms open wide for a hug. “Shua hyung! That’s so cute.”

Joshua laughed, bright and tinkling like bells, and as his arms wrapped around Seokmin in return, it occurred to him that he’d never heard Joshua laugh like that before. All bright and carefree and as beautiful and soaring as the elegant notes of a song. “It’s just my name in shortened form.”

“Yeah, and it’s cute,” Seokmin said, smiling so wide that his heart felt like it was going to burst, “Shua hyung.”

And Joshua—elusive, cotton soft, polite and unreachable Joshua—gave Seokmin a smile that could have lit up the whole world.

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