#especially in an environment built to torture you

[stealthetrees]

Okay I’ve snapped.

If you say Percy Jackson is stupid I will find you and make sure you regret it.

I have inattentive type ADHD. I was diagnosed in 4th grade and got put on medication. I did not think there was a difference but I got an award from the school for how much I improved. They didn’t know it was because of meds.

Before I was diagnosed I remember being on the verge of tears often at school because I got so frustrated that I couldn’t do work. I sat at my desk with the pencil in my hand staring at a worksheet physically unable to write the awnser I knew. I would stare at the question and like an optical illusion the rest of the page blurs together and I can’t even make out word anymore.

I thought I was dyslexic for the longest time because some fonts are so difficult for me to read. I could look at a recit, know it says lettuce, and it will not process in my brain. Unless I am a few hours away from a deadline it is nearly impossible to start assignments. Essays are hell.

You know those songs that have an American accent but are completely nonsense? That’s what it sounds like a lot when I listen to people talk. Usally I can grasp the general meaning but I can not tell you what word you just said.

Time is not real. I sit down, scroll through tumblr for maybe 15 minutes and my roommate asks why I’m sitting doing nothing for 4 hours straight. Full days disappear and I can’t remember anything that happened. I have no idea how long it takes me to do something I do almost every day.

I went two weeks at the beginning of the semester with meds that where 10 milligrams lower than my usual dosage. My grades still haven’t recovered.

THAT SAID. In cannon, Percy Jackson passed 13 years of school with high enough grades to be accepted to a university. Not medicated. Without accommodations.

So either the education system in New York is taylored specifically for people with ADHD, or Percy Jackson is a fucking geinios. I can’t spell.

So ignoring the fact that nearly every fight he won by outsmarting his opponent, let me tell you why.

In the books, he’s an introvert, sits in the back, tries to keep his head down but usually fails, gets detention often, and has been expelled multiple times. That’s not the kind of kid teachers go out of their way to help. He’s also unlikely to ask for help. So, despite his struggles in the classroom, he has never been held back or had to redo a grade as far as we know. And it’s pretty likely considering his age.

Add in the fact that he would be constantly sleep deprived from staying up very late (like from 10-3, based off my experience) and his dyslexia, Percy would need to be really good at retaining information after hearing or seeing it only once. That’s actually supported by his ability to memorize prophecies word for word after only hearing them once. We know Percy is bad at taking tests, so he would have to be really good at recalling information.

He also did it all unmedicated. I want to cry just thinking about it.

tldr, the fact that Percy’s grades where high enough to get into college means hes fucking brilliant

#percyjackson #percy jackson #pjo #adhd #living with adhd #Percy Jackson adhd #adhd brain #school is hard #especially in an environment built to torture you #adhd problems #adhd post #adhd Percy Jackson

[feminist-space]

"Yes, you read that right: Chicago is spending $33 million to build fake housing and commercial buildings in an overpoliced community that could really use their actual, real-life equivalents. No Cop Academy organizer Destiny Ball laid it out plainly to Block Club Chicago: “To find out that they’re building a scenario village when there are thousands of people, homeless, with nowhere to go … it’s sickening.”

Architecture sometimes lays bare the contradictions in urban life, but rarely does it do so this explicitly, if not mockingly. A first phase of the training campus is nearly done, and the “tactical village” will begin construction this summer. The campus, which rises on the site of a former rail yard, will replace seven facilities currently in use. The second phase will be built by a joint venture of Berglund and Brown & Momen. The City’s website lists the design architect as DLR Group. The company recently published a blog post in which Andrew Cupples defended its work on juvenile justice systems, claiming that DLR remains “undeterred in the belief that design excellence contributes to better outcomes for youth who enter the justice system.”

“Justice system,” to this critic, reads as a remarkable euphemism for a place to detain children. Incredibly, the City lists the project as part of Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s INVEST South/West platform which seeks to direct about $1.4 billion in funding to previously underdeveloped neighborhoods.

The City neglects its citizens—especially its Black and Brown ones—before policing them with militarized tactics. This is, after all, the police force that was found to be using “black site” tactics—essentially kidnapping and torturing civilians at Homan Square, a property it owned on the West Side—until an exposé in The Guardian in 2015 spelled its demise. This is the police force whose officers shot 13-year-old Adam Toledo to death in 2021 and paralyzed another unidentified 13-year-old boy just a few weeks ago. These are the law enforcement officers who have made arrests in only 6 percent of rape cases. Per Alex Vitale’s book The End of Policing, this is the police department that arrested 8,000 Black schoolchildren, more than half of whom were under 15, in 2013–14 alone.

Chicago suppresses funding for housing, schools, environmental remediation, public health, and transit, but it generously funds cops. This is not only ineffective, given the statistics and reality of police brutality, but immoral.

Any architect who participates in realizing the carceral program of police surveillance and terror is complicit. Architects often characterize their work as impartial, but the reality is that the form of the built environment is regularly weaponized by those in power. Architects are moral actors who have the agency—individually, but especially collectively—to see a project like this and decline to participate.

At times, activism comes in the form of saying yes to certain advances, but in this case it more powerfully comes in saying no. This denial of service can come in the form of whistleblowing to journalists, organizing political resistance among your peers, or finding a new job. After George Floyd’s murder in 2020, when Michael Ford (the hip-hop architect) learned that his then employer SmithGroup was to work on civic buildings with holding facilities, he left. In the fall of 2020, AIA New York attempted to discourage members from working on spaces of incarceration. The work of Colloqate explicitly demands the end of architects working on behalf of police and provides alternative solutions for reallocating police funds toward endeavors rooted in community building and racial justice.

Architecture exists at the all-important nexus where political ambition is given form. Resistance to terrible carceral projects from architectural firms matters—if no one draws the plans, the efforts stall. Sure, someone else can do it, but the broad systemic woes of capitalism don’t excuse us—mere individuals—from living ethical lives. It is unethical to work on a project that will be used to oppress and terrify Chicagoans, just as it is a project of criticism to be explicit about architecture’s role in surveillance, police expansion, and, by extension, urban policies that govern by force, not by support. So, to the leaders of architecture offices who are currently overseeing construction documents for a fake strip club in western Chicago, I see you. The architecture world sees you. You can and should do better than this."

-Kate Wagner is an architecture critic and a journalist.

[starlightbooklove]

Ok, today I was watching a video of a guy reviewing acotar (yes, I know I was impressed too) Something to note is that the videos are good, and without misogyny btw lol. Right now he is going for Acowar and a point that many made in the comments caught my attention was the 'death' of Rhys where they said how bad it seemed to them that SJM gave us collective heart attack with that part and then relived it in the next chapter Don't get me wrong, it's not keeping Rhys dead, but killing him in the first place that was causing the conversation and then I started thinking about it.

Something completely obvious is that people die in wars in books, often being main characters, because that's how it is in reality, close people die, so Having a main character die is something realistic, especially if he is going to be in charge or putting his life in danger, that's why I didn't see it as bad or strange when I read it - apart from having a breakdown crying - , (i did saw Amren's one very forced, It kind of took away a little bit of the greatness of her sacrifice yk) the first time, until I saw that, and then I thought about ACOSF and that something that makes the fandom a little agree is putting the main characters of the saga at risk was direct abuse to our hearts to make a convenient excuse for Nesta's arc, for nothing more.

You'll see, in cinema and literature, the use of death or torture to the characters that are loved by the audience is something Quite used, and i think that they're two ways You can use this: The practical And consistent and the stupid and desperate one.

In the first we can use Feyre's death in Acotar, it made sense, she was a human in a fae world, it went with the story, it advanced the plot, since she answered the riddle right before Amarantha killed her, What triggers Prythiam's release.

It is practical, it is something that in the context, with those characters, would happen, it is consistent because it fits into the environment, into the world that was built and it doesn't come from nowhere, since Feyre decides to go under the mountain, we know that she is in danger, so IT MAKES SENSE.

In the second one i'll use something different, there's a movie that didn't get much success in My country, and that is Enchanted 2, (i don't remember the name xd) where they take the protagonist, Giselle someone we sympathize with, and pretty much kill Her for a few seconds before Magic yk save her, all of this with the intention That the rebel daughter realized that her mother loved her, the movie was not really good really, it was very Made on the fly, it didn't have a specific direction, so this twist came out of nowhere, and not in the way that one manages to sympathize well, it shows that they used it to get a reaction from the audience so we can pay attentionv And to advance the plot, IT MADE NO SENSE, they used a death to grab attention because the movie wasn't surviving very well. So they turned to the fans' emotions In the same way that the nun resorts to jumpscares to have some terror, because it causes a completely instinctive empathetic reaction, not something genuinely felt.

Feyre's risky pregnancy made sense in the book, since from the beginning they specified that it had complications, the problem comes with the ending, where (which I see is not mentioned much) Not only Feyre died for a few seconds, but also Nyx, it is not the fact itself that is wrong but why it is clearly included in the story And it is clear that she is only there to be able to give a complete arc in the middle of this terribly done redemption arc, to Nesta.

It was not necessary, outside the redemptive context.

I think it was there for tel reasons (And one was completely lost in the other), to give some realism to all that about the Illyrian birth, and Nesta, and both could have been done in a very different way. They could have written Nesta more growth, And at childbirth it could have been a long labor or a cesarean section where it would take a long time if what they wanted was to make the the clear point, not directly 💀

It did not have a reason, and hey, yes, death is like that, confusing many times, but when you have a story, where you have absolute control of what happens (who lives, who dies) you must understand and be responsible for what the death of one character will do to the others And the story, it must have an impact that you are going to use in some way beyond just having an emotional reaction to readers to like Nesta.

Because number 1, this achieves the opposite effect because it greatly limits the growth that the character is supposed to have and makes Nesta less likeable.

And number 2 plays with the audience as if they were children, and the author is an adult who has her favorite toy next to fire, underestimating The mental process and maturity as if we could not see the senselessness of their death

If you don't believe it, think about it this way: aside from what Nesta did at the end, what other redeeming acts did she get? That she had anything to do with Feyre...None And who is the character with whom Nesta was the most bitchy in the entire book? Feyre What is the most necessary arc?The one about the sisters, the one with which we have nothing in almost the entire book, Nesta needed something that could cover almost a thousand pages of zero growth, a definitive act instead of writing a complete arc, and this is confirmed In the same book , because they were revived (Nyx and Feyre), And who was the only one with the power to do something? Well, our protagonist.

In essence, sjm killed the characters (characters that feel real to a certain degree for us fans and readers) so that Nesta could revive them, the only reason

What convenience does

If your character can only have one arc in your opinion, saving the people who saved her in the first place, then something is a little off in the story.

And if you can't keep a character dead, because you know what it does to your fans, then don't kill him in the first place. Once is coincidence, twice is causality, three is already a pattern and is crossing the line.

Abusing the integrity of a character in the story just because, without reason, without development, without background, is playing in the worst way with the emotions and affection towards the work of fans.

This is why this part is SO Bad Not only because oh, they die, but because of the reason behind it, when many talk about this, they don't do it from a place of a sad fan, but from a fan who is upset because they use our favorite characters as puppets.

#acosf #nyx archeron #feyre acheron #rhysand acotar #rhys acotar #sjmaas #sjm critical #nesta archeron

[sarcastic-sketches]

Have you ever Heard about Tamamo no Mae. If not you can look her up on YouTube but in summary, She was a nine tailed fox Who is credited with the fall of several empires in Asia delights in torture and hobbies were corrupting rulers and toppling empires she was said to have finally been killed in Japan where her body turned into a stone called the killing stone which has recently broken making money believe that her spirit is now free.

now with all of that laid out I would like to request something for the Star Wars kitsune AU. What if She existed in Star Wars. And when she became free she tried to corrupt the king of whichever planet she was on and the people called for help from the Republic to stop her and Anakin had a fight with her. I Magine Anakin being very shook about meeting another Kitsune and seeing just how bad he could be.

Oh I have not! I might have to look her up because thats a good vibe - I have an OC who is partially similar but I think they would be good friends :) she's all about chaos, vengeance, and upending the complacent rulers of nations to create change in an otherwise stagnant environment. I do love the idea of Anakin actually encountering another Kitsune within the Galaxy, as all the others are believed to be extinct or out in the unknown regions. Especially one who is very much Dark Side aligned. The idea I'm currently rotating though is based on the concept that the Jedi Temple was built upon a Sith Temple in order to seal the font of corruption from within it. But that Sith Temple had already attracted an eight-tailed Fox, hellbent on acheiving the final ninth tail by absorbing energy from the font the Temple resided on. Instead, it's obssession with gaining power caused it to remain there until it died, not moving to even eat, and so it just withered away to bones before it could acheive it's ninth tail. I can vividly imagine Anakin exploring into the lower levels, maybe following the scent of corruption, and coming across this decayed Temple and the gigantic skeleton of an ancient Kitsune. As he approaches, a single eye illuminates and fixes upon Anakin, unable to move it's deceased body but still clinging to it's corporeal form as it's life's goal was left incomplete...

#kitsune!anakin #anakin skywalker #kitsune #star wars #sw #star wars au #sw au #ask and ye shall receive

[wormsin]

everytime i talk to my prison phd friend i learn the most fascinating and horrifying things about prison and criminalization.

i absolutely cannot share the gossip i heard last night, but she was in town recently and i got the low down on philly's Eastern State Penitentiary, an important historic prison. the long and short of it is that it was the most expensive, utopian architecture panopticon prison whose ideals were reformist and noble and whose execution was extremely deadly and horrible.

first of all, they do haunted houses here which you should never go on because it is morally bankrupt to participate in prison site entertainment, and there's also an insane amount of lead paint and other hazards. like the regular tour guides are not working in safe conditions. don't touch anything. don't get your halloween spooky hard on at a site of mass torture and murder.

with that out of the way, look at this blueprint. the guard post is in the center, which allows them to look down any block and see everything. panopticon shit. you can also see that every cell has an individual courtyard.

this was the ideal design. in the ideal system, a prisoner would be brought in through the entry hall, meet the warden, have a bag placed over their head and be brought to their cell, after which point the only people they would see during their sentence was a daily visit from the warden and weekly visit by a doctor and a priest. they were also expected to never speak.

so you have your cell, an attached courtyard you can use anytime to go outside (and garden in or keep pets if you wanted), a manual labor task, and a lot of social isolation. the idea was to create an environment where the prisoner could contemplate their crimes and be penitent. (hence, penitentiary.) the prevalent idea at the time was that crime was a social contagion, so prisoners who socialized together might spread it amongst themselves. but here, there's just ample opportunity for self reflection. you weren't allowed to speak as to not disturb the other prisoners' reform.

(prisoners shoemaking 1897)

they put hoods on the prisoners during transfers *and* anonymised their names in records so that no one on the outside would know they had been to prison and attach stigma to them.

so the idea was honestly very dope, especially compared to the Alburn/New York system.

however, the masterminds behind this system did not know that social isolation is deadly to humans. which led to some other prisons adapting *part* of the system to extremely lethal results.

but that wasn't totally the problem with this prison. while the ideal system had goodish intentions, its actual implementation was very different. prisoners were not socially isolated to that degree (good!) and were punished and tortured by guards and counselors (very very bad!). you can see the degradation of the original plan through the architecture over the years.

theres honestly so much that is fascinating here, even just in the architecture. they built the halls to feel like churches! the cells were supposed to have one skylight because "god was always watching"! they used mirrors to surveil the various angles and corridors! the cell doors might have been so small because they wanted prisoners to bow before entering and exiting! fascinating stuff.

there's a ton of history here and if you have the chance you should take the tour. just don't touch anything. because of the lead.

"In its intention I am well convinced that it is kind, humane, and meant for reformation; but I am persuaded that those who designed this system of Prison Discipline, and those benevolent gentleman who carry it into execution, do not know what it is that they are doing….I hold this slow and daily tampering with the mysteries of the brain to be immeasurably worse than any torture of the body; and because its ghastly signs and tokens are not so palpable to the eye,… and it extorts few cries that human ears can hear; therefore I the more denounce it, as a secret punishment in which slumbering humanity is not roused up to stay." — Charles Dickens, 1841

#prisons #architecture #history

[granulesofsand]

The Two Dead Girls

🗝️🏷️ major TW for RAMCOA, especially death by torture and simulated ultimatums

We don’t talk much about the trauma Olympics we do for our history. Not between each other, though we do that, too — between us and the kids who died there.

I think I can hold onto that for a moment without deciding it’s true.

There’s a trigger word for it, part of a larger phrase, that our perps used to tell us when we felt that way. That we had it good, because for all the temporary pain and chronic disability, we are still alive. Our limbs are still attached. Most of our scars were nonlethal, and the few that were we got in moderated environments with resuscitation after.

It ties into another structure, one a few of our higher-ups are built on; we are alive because we were better. One route is believing they were better because our body was prettier (white, blonde, blue eyes). The other was because we were smarter, literate earlier and good with logic while still dissociating information to get the answers they wanted. We had a pathway for physical aptitude, too, but that tanked fast. None of the qualities they wanted are true anymore.

Or, more accurately, those qualities were grafted into branches they could use and pruned out of the rest of us.

Special child, the same ego they gave everybody.

I don’t know why they keep us around. Maybe they just didn’t have enough back-ups.

The memories of their little bodies, twisted and insides splayed out, serves that dual purpose. We are lucky. We are better. We were lucky they thought we were better. And this is only two little girls who never made it out.

We think we remember both because they happened close to each other. We didn’t know their names, if they had them. I don’t know how to describe their skin, their eyes, their hair. I can only name the objects that reflect them.

Brown girls, the color of wet earth, but different shades. Red ochre, terracotta before it’s baked, it’s hard to see her without all that blood. Her eyes are open, stayed open, almond peel and cypress bark. Her hair was orange-black, city lights in the dark. She smells like rain, like tears, eventually like rot. She was maybe four to six years old, malnourished.

The other was older, or at least bigger, more like six to eight. She was the color of cowhide and fresh mulch, the long couch you could pet like velvet. I only saw her eyes twice, once frightened and once furious. She hated me. I hope she died angry at me, I hope the demon myths are true and I see her now because she means to linger. I doubt it, but I hope. Coffee eyes, translucent in the light like liquid. A shade off from her pupils, somehow both amber and mud. Her hair was red-black, sometimes blue like moonlight. She smells like earthworms, even before they made her crawl.

I hate myself more for outlasting the brown girls. They never had a chance, not for luck or skill. They were never intended to flourish. They did anyway. Brown girls sorting pebbles from dirt, racing between pipelines, pretending to be monsters and princesses. The little one looked like a girl who shares our name. The older could have been our dear friend’s sister. They shouldn’t have trusted me. I shouldn’t have let them.

I hold their deaths as good in my mind. They were more than how they were hurt, even when they weren’t. They spent more time trembling in cages and thrashing through tournament, but still they knew how to play. So much pain in their lives. They lived to die, and the longer they lived, the worse their lives would have been.

The little one wasn’t me. I don’t know if it was us. She was alive, and then she was open and swarming with bees.

The big one, that was my fault. I didn’t kill her by my own hand, but her death was my fault. I’d hurt her before, and she avoided me after that. But she always came back, huffing and crossed arms, offering her biggest rock or showering us with blades of grass. She might not have died that day if I hadn’t fucked up.

Our perps taught us many things with those two, and it’s hard to hold true that it wasn’t my fault. Nobody should have died, the threat was engineered for their entertainment. The little one was half-accident. Snuff film, they call it. The big one they said was in my place.

So that’s how I learned it. Better than them, more fortunate than them. Of course I’ll never have it as bad as those two did.

#ramcoa #tw ramcoa #tw trafficking #tw csa #tw child death #tw gore #traumagenic system #adaptive system #osddid #cdd system

[drchenquill]

Writing share tag~

Thank you @willtheweaver for this tag!

Here a little snippet from the first chapter of my vampire crime book "who's to jude?"

~~~~

Humans. They’ve always existed and will always exist. They are the proof that stubbornness can bring you far, even if it was at the cost of others. Furthermore, they can change their environment in a way that benefits them the most. Their intelligence is looked upon with jealousy, their egoism with contempt. Vampires. They’ve always existed and will always exist. They are proof that, even with a lot of struggle, you can make it far. Not only that, but they drink blood to survive, which isn’t well seen, especially by the humans. They’re loved for their undying beauty and hated for their arrogance. They live longer than other creatures, but they weren’t able to establish themselves in this human-ruled world. These two creatures are aware of the existence of the other, but were never able to live together in perfect symbiosis. Whose fault is it? Is it the fault of the ruthless, conceited, arrogant, selfish monsters? Or is it the fault of the vampires? Either way, they hate each other. Humans hunt vampires because they hunt humans for nourishment. Who is in the right? Is there a possibility to find a compromise? Whether there is or not, everyone has stopped looking for it. Now it’s “survival of the fittest” and that worked well for many years, at least for my life partner and me. Just for the record, a relationship between vampires is more meaningful and deeper than those of humans, who pretend to love each other, just so they can end up in someone else’s bed. Vampires love only once. If two vampires connect with each other, they will become the “vigor” of one another. That means “life-force”. From that point on, they can’t live without the other. They will not die if they are physically separated from each other, but they will depend on contact with their vigor. We had a good life, and we enjoyed what we had built together. Sadly, we forgot that humans had this stupid habit of evolving. Our idyllic life crumbled, when, one night, they ambushed and captured us. Since humans are so generous, they gave us two options. Either we get killed, or we start working for them. Since I care about my life, I chose to work for them. Unfortunately, I had to realize that, being vigors does not equal to having the same ideals. My vigor didn’t want anything to do with the humans and from that day on, we went separate ways. I know with certainty that he isn’t dead, I would have felt it otherwise. Since my life-force was gone, every day was torture, but I had to carry on or else my head would roll. Many years have passed since then, and I have come to be part of a special unit in the police that takes care of the disposal of vampires that didn’t obey the rules. I still don’t know where my vigor is, but, as long as he is alive, that’s all that matters.

Tagging for this with no pressure: @theink-stainedfolk, @cssnder, @ivaspinoza, @mysteryofvampires, @cratersofmoon and everyone else who sees this~

#writing tag game #writeblr #writing #writers on tumblr #writers #writerscommunity #my writing

[therapythoughtstogether]

Wherever I go, I take myself with me

Binging and other built-in behaviours

TW ED behaviours and thoughts

I'm objectively safe now. I have moments of peace and solitude. I'm not facing any immediate risk.

Yet...my mind is usually racing when I'm alone. I cannot fully relax quite yet. And I found myself engaging in one of my oldest coping mechanisms that I remember partaking in since I was at least 5 years old...binging.

I'm not even in a new city. I'm actually in a new country. People around are friendly. I'm ok...but I feel like I'm trying to run away from my problems, from my past, from my trauma...and it doesn't work this way.

At first I felt so disappointed in myself for binging when I have almost "perfect conditions" for the first time in long. But then I understood that I've been using food (too much or too little) as a coping mechanism since I can remember and moving countries won't change that.

Sure, having the safety to be able to work on these issues is imperative. I just understood (not just having the theoretical knowledge, but I understood it with my heart) that my food issues and other issues won't magically disappear because I'm in a safe environment. I will have to do the work when I'm ready.

I still feel immense guilt while eating, even alone. especially alone, like I "don't deserve it" or I have to "earn it", even though I hate eating in public and being watched while I eat (make it make sense).

I feel like I'm doing "something bad" or "something wrong". I feel like I'm almost "committing a crime" every time I eat alone. I feel I'm justified to eat only if someone else is also eating at the time or if I'm eating with someone else like at a social event. You can see how disordered this is...it leads me to eat extremely fast to end the guilt, to end the "dirty deed" that is eating a wholegrain high fibre toast topped with parmesan cheese, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, thinly sliced bell pepper and fresh basil, just by myself for breakfast...

Eating fast and the feeling of intense guilt, plus not giving time to my brain to catch up with the "I'm full" signal leads me to...you guessed it! Eating more. And more. Which leads to a binge. Sometimes I binge as a form to punish myself for that initial toast.

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy, so I do all of this as hidden as possible and I keep up the façade of the "perfect girl" who I'd love to be...but I'm not. The "Healthy Queen" who takes her vitamins, cooks her own meals, cares about her health, exercises regularly and looks good as a result of her effortless healthy lifestyle, not as the result of being enslaved by her own demons, tortured 24/7 by them.

I have so much to heal from...not just the traumatic events that happened during the past few months and other similar events, but from things that I've been carrying since before starting primary school.

#therapy thoughts #bpd #actually bpd #tw ed talk #tw fighting a relapse #tw BED #tw binge restrict cycle #ptsd #trauma survivor #abuse survivor #SA survivor

[x3kristax3]

Trap of Lies

Note: This was written with @diariodelissa.

Master List

⚠️Warning: Blood, physical violence, intention of rape

Chapter 2

The evildoer doesn't believe my words and slaps me. Terrified, I feel the blood dripping down my delicate face. I keep insisting, "Sir, my Jake is a simple merchant," I begin to tremble with fear.

The thug calls another man and shouts, " this bitch won't confess, I am sure she is hiding something from us. "

I look around, looking for a way to escape, but I can't find it. I am definitely at the mercy of the criminals. I feel the hot tears streaming down my face.

At this instant, quite annoyed, the second criminal pulls my hair and slaps me again. Due to the force of the impact, I end up falling off the chair.

He leans over and threatens, "I think I'm going to enjoy taking Jake's girl virginity," he rips off my dresses as I defend myself, quite terrified. I try to protect myself with my fingernails and hit the criminal, who gets even angrier and tries to kiss me. His fetid tongue tries to run across my mouth. Scared, I bite down hard on his lips, which bleed profusely. I feel his disgusting blood on my lips and start to feel nauseous.

The other man, who appears to be the leader, pulls his accomplice away from me, saying, "I think we'd better wait a little while, if we leave her without food and drink, she will confess, otherwise we will be forced to torture the MC."

I breathe a sigh of relief, as I have managed to buy some time. However, the two thugs start kicking me, shouting "I think this will help you remember, dear."

Finally, the criminals retreat from the room and lock the door. I get up from the floor, bruised, and straighten my torn robes, I notice a trail of blood on the floor.

Even though I am weak, I walk around every corner of the dimly lit room to try to escape, but to no avail. The environment is quite inhospitable, dirty, but seems to be a fortress.

Feeling quite vulnerable, I start thinking about Jake. I have loved him since the first time I saw him, and I feel his love for me, especially in the moments when we kissed ardently. Last time, he was especially tender. He said that I was fascinating.

However, he has always been rather enigmatic. Several times when I asked him about his past, Jake kept his mouth shut. He said that when the time was right, he would tell me.

I lean against the wall, unsure of what my future holds while here. I rip off a piece of dresses that is already torn and wipe my face that feels covered in blood, unsure if it’s all mine. I fall to the floor unsure if Jake even knows where I am. If only I could have gotten him to talk about what he wasn't telling me. I could give the criminals  what they want and get out of here.

However, he never told me. I don’t know if he didn’t trust me like I trusted him or he just didn’t want me to know. Until this moment, he never gave me a reason to doubt the life we have built these last two years, or the love we have shared, but how can I give them the information they want without betraying him. Instead of trying to figure out how to get out of this room since there is no way my mind wonders.

A year ago he asked me to be his forever, it was nothing short of amazing and I knew he had asked my father in advance. My parents adore this man for saving their business and their only daughter. He had pulled this simple gold band while down on one knee and I swear the whole town heard me scream yes in the middle of the square where we first saw eachother. However, now my mind wonders what he’s been hiding from me.

As my mind wanders to him now, I feel myself getting angry but I calm myself down because it won’t do any good sitting in here.

@a-glimpse-of-fantasy tag your it!

#trap of lies

[mewtonian-physics]

do you have a little bit more on the iatrophobic hc? this makes so much sense

yeah!!! i have a lot more actually. i feel like it was a thing since he was a kid (points to the doctor in the 'make it right' trailers, that guy scares me) and it stuck around even when he didn't remember why, he just knew that any time he had to see a doctor it made him feel extremely anxious and unsafe. this worsened after he started getting his memories back, but the point it turned from anxiety and general discomfort to full blown terror was of course the first day he met the 'doctors' who would spend the next few weeks (i think, i haven't quite settled on a time frame for that, but it was long) very, very slowly converting him into a cyborg in one of the most horrifying and torturous processes imaginable. with him awake for every second of it.

the first surgery he had after the fact (where dr. madnar saved him) he was still under the effect of the nanomachines they'd put in him and as such was incapable of feeling fear but after that it all came back in full force. during mgs4 he could deal with naomi because the closest she came to doing any sort of medical procedures on him was when he was literally dying and in too much pain to process anything. and even then it was anything but invasive. dr. madnar on the other hand. although he trusted the man to a certain degree on account of him having previously saved his life the poor guy was still terrified out of his mind. especially since he was still too weak to move or even say anything. it brought back horrible memories and he was absolutely having a panic attack throughout the whole thing. otacon and sunny stuck around though so it could have been worse, he knew they wouldn't let anything happen to him. after he got crushed by outer haven he wasn't capable of processing anything they did to stabilize him but then at the end of mgs4 after the last fight on shadow moses island he could process what was happening at least a little bit and like. the guy was getting dragged back from what he thought was the dead by strangers. again, if he hadn't been too weak to move things would have been ugly. as it was he just had to stay there and try to endure it. after that they wouldn't let him leave yet bc they wanted to keep him under observation and i'm not going to lie to you he mostly just dissociated the entire time except for when he had visitors.

then of course he had that fight with jetstream sam later and once again had to be stabilized and undergo heavy repairs + the transfer into the new cyborg body and oh boy did he have to be kept semi-sedated and restrained for that one. otherwise the distorted sense of his own personal timeline could have led to him attacking someone while under the impression that he was still a kid in liberia and not an adult in a perfectly reputable hospital. unfortunately he can't ever be kept fully sedated for surgeries because his body is literally being built around him, they have to be able to have his input. blink once if [x part] needs to be fastened more tightly, blink twice if it's fastened too tightly, things like that. so he has to be at least somewhat awake even though it's both extreme physical and psychological torture for him. one of the only things he's grateful for when it comes to being a cyborg is that compared to fully organic people he has to deal with medical stuff far less. because if it was anything other than something deadly serious he would avoid it... well, like the plague, i guess. avoid it like the plague. hard to dodge that joke.

he also just can't be in hospitals or doctor's offices or anything like that unless he has no other choice, which means that like, if john had to get a vaccine or something he wouldn't be able to be there because the environment itself would almost certainly send him into a panic attack. also he would be unable to deal with the idea of putting his son who he loves more than anything in the world in the hands of doctors because even if on a rational level he knows they're trustworthy on an emotional level he very, very much does not. so rose has to deal with that kind of thing. meanwhile raiden just remains trying not to spiral because what if something happens, what if it's some kind of trap, what if they hurt john, and he cannot relax until he sees john safe and sound. to rose it's so routine but to him it's one of the most terrifying things he has to deal with as a parent.

so yeah raiden is just flat out terrified of doctors and medical anything really. it's one of the worst phobias he has. but, i mean, really. can you blame him. with a life like that... yeah.

#ask #anon #raiden

[shootertron-stuff]

Adult games

Discussions of domestic abuse, masochism, sexual slavery, forced marriage, forced pregnancy etc

Black Legionnaire raising alarms with his grown children, four Black Legionnaires, when he is heard hitting his wife, an Imperial Fist he kidnapped and uh, helped with their gender transition.

The kids confront him while riding along in the tank during a military exercise about why he treats Mama so badly.

The Black Legionnaire explains to them that when he hits his wife it's not a punishment. Positive reinforcement is better for making your captives behave.

Children of Dorn are Built Like That. Mama needs scheduled maintenance beatings so they don't get depressed. Impact play is scientifically proven to be good for stress! And it's easy to be stressed when they are light years from home in enemy territory, knowing their chapter will kill them if they ever tried to come back for the grievous sin of having a heretic's children. He never damages nerves.

Also, with how wild Chaos foot soldiers can be, his kids should know loving adults engage in these kind of games with each other.

He also hand waves away his controlling behavior with something about Loyalists coming from an environment of control, where the punishment for disobedience is torture and/or death. Yeah, Mama can't travel freely, wear a power power, do recreational drugs, or decide they don't want any more kids, but can you name a Space Marine chapter that actually lets its members have bodily autonomy?

Imperial Fists especially love being property! They're the loyal and obedient ones.

He's being more generous than their chapter in many ways. The Imperial Fists don't let you be a girl and get pregnant!!

#taming hellhounds #female space marines #black legion #warhammer 40k #dehumanization tw

[molly-timmins]

Josep Borrell's 'Garden' analogy

'Europe is a garden. We have built a garden. Everything works. It is the best combination of political freedom, economic prosperity and social cohesion that the humankind has been able to build – the three things together. And here, Bruges is maybe a good representation of beautiful things, intellectual life, wellbeing. The rest of the world – and you know this very well, Federica – is not exactly a garden. Most of the rest of the world is a jungle, and the jungle could invade the garden. The gardeners should take care of it, but they will not protect the garden by building walls. A nice small garden surrounded by high walls in order to prevent the jungle from coming in is not going to be a solution. Because the jungle has a strong growth capacity, and the wall will never be high enough in order to protect the garden. The gardeners have to go to the jungle. Europeans have to be much more engaged with the rest of the world. Otherwise, the rest of the world will invade us, by different ways and means. Yes, this is my most important message: we have to be much more engaged with the rest of the world.' (J Borrell, 2022.)

In what has been described as a neocolonial rant, EU foreign-policy chief Josep Borrell used a garden metaphor to explain his perceived societal divide within the world.

Borrell's statement negatively characterises human populations and their environments, pushing an elitist neocolonial idea that Europe is broadly better. This ideology could have negative consequences within the EU and its relationship with other countries, by implying a heroism of embarking into the 'jungle' that is the rest of the world.

Member of the European Parliament Marc Botega condemned Borrell's speech with the following statement,

'What's the difference between a garden, and a jungle? A garden is a nice place where civilised human beings walk around, a jungle is the heart of darkness, where wild animals live. Many people in Africa, Asia, Latin America remember very well how in the name of civilization, European colonisation treated them like wild animals; enslaving them, torturing them and even putting them in human zoos. Therefore, when the highest diplomat of the European Union compares Europe to a garden, but especially the rest of the world to a jungle, the message that these people hear is that Europe is still driven by neocolonialism. We can not let that message pass.' (M Botega, 2022.)

Whilst the global-political implications are broadly more important than the metaphorical wording; I am interested in the 'garden' context of this controversy.

Both of these speeches separate the garden as a pristine entity representative of a curated, put-together environment, with jungle representing chaos and wilderness. The generalisations and metaphors mentioned here are a reminder to carefully examine what my painted garden and wilderness environments speak to contextually and even politically. The heaviness of meaning in which applying a human attribute to these environments can have is something my work should be aware of, but stay detached from in a way. Maintaining this balance could be done by implying human presence, but letting the environment lead the painting and combat any loaded symbolism.

The social-economic status associated with gardens is also highlighted here, and its symbolism of wealth and 'beauty.' Within these preconceived Eurocentric ideas about gardens, I am curious to portray contemporary gardens in Aotearoa that at times reminisce the elitist traits decorated throughout the manicured landscape - but also observe the areas in which it is none of these things, and still a garden.

The stark contrast in which the garden is described against the wilderness/jungle, such as in this political context but also broader cultural ideas, is something of interest in my practice. Questioning the garden's position as this pristine, perfectly curated environment of human craftsmanship is something that I wish to explore further - and see the interconnection and overlap with its surrounding environment of wilderness.

Unlike the generalised characterisations stated in Borrell's speech, I seek to find the interplay between garden and wilderness and question the hierarchies applied to these environments.

References:

Borrell, Josep. Speech at European diplomatic academy. Retrieved from Youtube: AFP News Agency 'Europe is a garden' says EU foreign policy chief during speech in Bruges | AFP. Oct 18, 2022.

Botega, Marc. Speech at European Parliament meeting. Retrieved from Youtube: Middle East Eye. MEP Marc Botenga condemns EU foreign policy chief Josep Borrell’s “garden” speech. November 2022.

#text #y2text #year 2 #y2s1

[black-quartz-sphinx-judge-my-vow]

The Sandman Audio Book Chapter #14 The Collectors.

What an exciting Episode!

Just the idea of a serial killer convention is very fun and interesting. It definitely creates a dangerous environment for Rose.

I liked hearing on the conversation between the killers. Their various delusions. One guy thinking he’s god, another that he’s in the service of god. The female serial killer who’s tired of being stereotyped as a killer nurse, and then the scream of agreement from one of the other two female attendees.

I find it amazing that there is such rich storytelling in these chapters in so little time. A comic is only like 30 pages long, but there’s a sub plot of the serial killers learning that one of the attendees is a fake, and killing him as a group. Then there is Joyland getting triggered by Rose and going after her. They could focus on Dream doing his thing, but they realize it’s much more interesting to explore the space, and I gotta give them props for that.

I thought Morpheus’ appearance this episode was frustrating. They say his name, he appears, does dream stuff. I’m actually disappointed he so handily dispatch The Corinthian, who had a genuinely menacing presence. They built him up for a while, and doesn’t do much. I know he’s a nightmare to humans, but nothing to Dream which is cool. I also liked the idea that he was infecting Serial Killers with his darkness.

The drama is also very frustrating when children die in their cribs, waitresses have their minds stolen from them and tortured, and a pregnant woman has their husband stolen from them, while serial killers get sweet dreams, and a slap on the wrist.

Don’t get me wrong the killers all being forced to realize they’re evil and pathetic is actually my ideal form of conflict resolution, but this series does frustrate me when decent people get so throughly and cruelly tortured.

At the same time Morpheus isn’t really a hero. He has morals, and a sense of Justice, but he’s primarily concerned with his realm. I want to root for him but at the end of the day he’s an inhuman force. That being said I enjoyed the idea that as the lord of fantasy he was able to dispel the delusion many of the killers were under.

Gilbert Knows Dream? Getting the brother back was easy, plot twist there?

Random Bits

“Dog Soup is a woman?” What do you have to do to get a name like Dog Soup?

I found all the killers fairly interesting. The Doctor especially had a cool and charming voice I enjoyed. Complete bastard though, skinning someone alive is awful.

Nimrod was great, his voice was perfect. I had a hard time imagining him being a hunter, but so must his victims.

Kind of felt bad for the Pussy-Killer. He came looking for help, but got nothing. Of course if he really wanted help he would have turned himself in.

Then there is Joyland POS pedo. Classic type of serial killer who was probably bathed by his mom into his teens. I thought the voice actor did a great job making him some what likable but not all there. Not sure how I feel about him getting a dream where he plays with all the children he raped and kill, but it was effective whether I like it or not.

Also… The Disco?

#the sandman

[fatehbaz]

In the fall of 2020, Lawrence Jenkins, an abolitionist currently incarcerated at Stafford Creek Corrections Center, and Carrie Freshour began a correspondence. Both Lawrence and Carrie organize as members of Free Them All WA, a grassroots abolitionist organization of currently and formerly incarcerated people, family members, and community members. In the midst of the pandemic, they exchanged messages about industrial agriculture, land, and agroecology.

The following interview features some of the messages Carrie and Lawrence shared over J/Pay, a private information and financial service provider in the U.S. prison system, since March 12, 2020, in which they discuss the Washington State Department of Corrections’ (DOC’s) response to COVID-19. This includes acts of racial terror and targeted COVID-19-related retaliation and disorganizing by DOC staff. [...]

My name is Lawrence Jenkins. I am a Black political prisoner, scientist, farmer, educator, artist, and organizer. I was born and raised in Seattle, WA and I’m currently serving 26 years in the Washington State Department of Corrections (DOC). I work inside the prison to help prisoners prepare for freedom, independence, and self-determination once they are free. I use the liberation-education model (peer-to-peer) backed by mutual aid, support, and solidarity from an outside community network to do this work independent from the prison. The work I do outside is essentially the same but centered around food and land sovereignty [...].

This did not seem to matter to staff and COs. What mattered more was the DOC budget cuts and furloughs, anger at the reelection of Democratic Governor Jay Inslee, the Trump versus Biden presidential race [...]. These sources of frustration would soon trigger misconduct, unlawful use of excessive force, and indifference in the weeks to follow.

It is very important for readers to understand the contradictory elements that were at work leading to the crises of racial violence, mass COVID-19 outbreaks inside, and the corruption and injustices that were suddenly and abruptly unveiled.

Yet, the prison population realized our humanity and survival were ruled out from the very beginning of the pandemic. The series of superspreader events that followed (especially in jails and prisons across the U.S.) had a major role and influence on desensitizing, dissolving, and/or destroying the moral fiber that compelled DOC staff to treat prisoners with “some” human decency to none at all -- or at least it appeared and felt this way. COs conscientiously detached themselves from the atrocities that were on the horizon beyond the walls that confined us but were destined to meet us. [...]

-------

The month of June 2020 was a major turning point. SB 6164 (a clemency and resentencing law) went into effect; George Floyd was murdered, sparking global uprisings [...]. What was revealed was the underlying racism, hatred, and disgust toward Black humanity and people that has been present in this prison from its inception. The town of Aberdeen, WA and its entire county of Grays Harbor has always been a predominantly [...] conservative, mainly far-right Republican town. This prison, which was built only 20 years ago, has been this county’s only real experience with Black people. At this point, it should be easy to conceptualize how this prison became a very unsafe environment for Black prisoners in the month of June into the present. Black prisoners had become soft targets and there were no consequences for the injustices that were inflicted upon them verbally, physically, or systemically. [...]

-------

In February 2020, DOC canceled all visitations after news hit of the first COVID-19 outbreak at a senior living home in Kirkland, WA. This outbreak was just east of Seattle, where many prisoners’ families live. That first outbreak made the threat very real to us. The uncertainty of never seeing our loved ones again, especially our elders and loved ones living with underlying health conditions, shifted the entire dynamics of how we did our time and where we focused our energy. [...]

When Governor Inslee first issued a statewide “stay-at-home” order, we realized we could only communicate with our loved ones through DOC’s very expensive and delayed communications systems: collect calls ($0.11/minute + taxes and fees), J/Pay ($3.50 for ten short emails), or snail mail. Because of these changes, phone lines grew long and became major sources of frustration and tension between us. When people complained to staff they were told, “You all are grown. Figure it out or we will just shut the phones off so nobody can use them.” [...]

-------

Solitary confinement/medical isolation was very much a means of retaliation and punishment when a group of us collectively organized against unjust treatment and lack of adequate COVID-19 testing and supplies. On December 12, 2020, the unit was placed on temporary lockdown, and I was extracted by a special response team. I was told that I was going to Administrative Segregation to be “placed under investigation due to involvement in unit disturbance.” I was housed in a pod that was being utilized for “Medical Isolation/Quarantine” created specifically for prisoners who tested positive or inconclusive for COVID-19. I tested negative twice in the same week, but I was still taken to solitary confinement [...].

The Stafford 7 (the main leaders of the collective action and standoff with COs referenced above) were all placed in this pod along with many others with very similar pending investigations and allegations. “Medical isolation” was used to keep prisoners on “deadlock,” where they were confined to living quarters except for an authorized 10-minute shower once every three days and a 20-minute yard/phone time on scheduled days. We were served cold food (meals that are meant to be served hot) for the duration spent in isolation.

-------

Anything else you want to share with Edge Effects readers?

We are facing major issues of delayed mail, price increase in collect calls, stimulus debit card rejections, and very limited access to medical care. These are major points of frustration and tension alongside the looming threat of racial violence by COs. We are being tortured at every point. Everything being done to us at this point is cruel, inhumane, and deliberate. The feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, for the majority of the population, is inevitable. The trauma of having to witness and experience such bestial and genocidal acts is going to have lifelong physical and psychological effects. 

-------

Headline, image, caption, and all text published by: Lawrence Jenkins and Carrie Freshour. “Surviving the Pandemic in Prison.” Edge Effects. 17 August 2021.

[hiraya-rawr]

So I ask mom and mama (Grandma) who are they going to vote and they Marcos.

What are you thoughts on that I don't know anything about him so.. 🤔

03 tw: PH Politics

There's a reason why the vast majority of students and universities are against BB M4rcos :')) In fact, there's really a lot so I'll try to sum it up.

Aside from the post below, I highly encourage you to do research at reliable sources! (Like reports from the united nations, international news stations, etc.) Avoid opinion articles without references!

I know politics is really stressful and heavy, but let's carefully (and slowly) expose ourselves for the sake of awareness and our future!

(last part has my personal note to you!)

(From my logical side) His platform and political activity is underwhelming. He lacks a stand for environment, women, and territorial disputes. He also doesn't have a built campaign for education and agriculture (remember, our farmers and fishermen are vital for stable communities!).

(From my petty side as a human rights advocate) Imagine being the son of a dictator, with hundreds of survivors sharing their experiences and stories. More than 11,000 victims, 2,000 murders and missing people. Most of which were students and lawyers. Your own mother CONFIRMED the use of torture and military force, the international court also confirmed it, the United Nations Human Rights Council (UNHRC) also confirmed it — yet as you stand on stage to spread your campaign, you denied ever single one of their experience.

My own uncle was imprisoned as a student actually. They called him a terrorist and his acquaintances were beaten.

Whereas, the richer side of my family profited (shamefully). We were part of the "rich growing richer" and "the poor growing poorer". This is also why a part of my family supports him. It's called crony capitalism (his father's rule is a textbook example of it too!)

Things his diehard supporters need to know:

1. Why are you so adamant to defend someone who won't even show up on debates for you? All of the other candidates show up to defend and present themselves, spread their agenda, interact, etc.

2. Compared to his infamous dictator father, isn't he underwhelming? His ambition, as stated in a live interview, was that he went into politics for money. Isn't that clear enough?

3. He doesn't have a degree. He lied about his Oxford diploma to the point that Oxford released a formal statement denying him. Don't you dare tell me a "degree isn't everything" when so many people work hard to get a great education in this country. He is a candidate for presidency, why not have one with a degree.

4. Martial law was never the golden age. Check every international textbook, every peso-to-dollar exchange rate, we were dropping rapidly.

5. "A lot of infrastructure were built during his father's time!" Those were debt-driven reforms, meaning buildings were built through debts left unpaid. We still continue to pay them UNTIL NOW. There are court hearings demanding the money back but, well, justice systems are unfair.

6. The "achievements" of the father are not the achievements of the son. He needs to build himself, not use his last name.

7. Again with him supporting people that have a negative presence for women's rights, environment, and LGBTQ.

8. The world is watching. I have friends abroad asking "is your country really voting for a dictator's son?" and it's humiliating that theyre more aware than us :(

There's so much more I have to say and clarify but please do take the time to research. Especially if you're entering the voting age! I started delving into politics at grade 9 and I understand how heavy it can be, especially when we're dealing with stubborn family members, but for the sake of educating the people around us, let's do our best!

note: I don't want to be THAT person encouraging family fights, but please do try convincing your family :')) there's only a few days left and it's crazy how people choose so carelessly. Let them consider other candidates, like Leni or Ka Leody, Kiko, or senators in the pink party list.

I'm lucky that most of my family is Leni-Kiko, but I can no longer deal with the ignorance of my BBM family side, especially if it negatively impacts the future of others :( they don't even have actual reasons, they don't know a thing about his campaign etc, they love him for his father and it really gives me cult-mindset vibes. It's very closed minded and harmful for us, especially for the less privileged 😖

Politics stresses me and I wish I never have to campaign for something as basic as compassion hcjshdjdjhed

#hira politics #tw: politics #hira coleluuviida #leni kiko 2022 #bongbong marcos #lenikiko2022 #politics #ipanalona10to #kulayrosasangbukas

[ruby-whistler]

you know, the thing i like about c!techno and c!dream's interaction isn't that it's inherently positive. it isn't that they bring up more important issues about the character blatantly - it isn't that they would be upfront about the issues c!dream has. /dsmp /rp

it's the fact that with c!techno, c!dream isn't a villain. he isn't a tortured prisoner - he still is both, but it fades into the background.

you can still see him trying to put up the act, trying to pretend to be using others or plotting or being dangerous.

you can still see him desperate and broken and shaken from everything that's happened to him.

but, when he's just talking with c!techno, c!dream isn't on either side of the scale. he isn't the broken nor the breaker.

he's just dream.

he's a Dude. he's a Guy. he's a Person who has a person-ality and through all the mess he's caused and gone through alike; he's human. and it isn't shown off in big breakdowns, or anything obvious or straightforward. it's... subtle. the humanization is subtle.

there is nothing to limit him to when he's writing in his diary and standing in front of a bell and ranting to c!techno and saying "personal space". it feels so soul-crushingly normal.

he- he builds a house a little distance away from techno's base. he tries really hard but it looks terrible - he fails, comically so.

there is nothing inherently sad or bad about the house. there's nothing positive or good about the house.

it's just a house dream built.

c!dream's bad at building.

there's no established canon to make that fact heavy and dark, nor to make it overwhelmingly wholesome and positive.

and it just all - all of the intense emotions from everything else - flows down into, is this what it feels like for these characters to live life and... be normal? is this what they would be like if their environment and the cycle of violence wasn't constantly throwing them into the worst of situations?

and to see that with c!dream especially is just somehow so special and heartbreaking when you realize, frick. this is the same guy who did all of those bad things. this is the same guy who had a lot of awful things done to him.

because he's not the villain, he's not the hero, no one is.

he's just... when he's with techno - he's just dream.

#dream smp #c!techno #c!dream #dreblr