#even if my body is dying

[skzoologist]

hi! big fan of your skz 9th member au! do you happen to have a kprofile type thing on bae? i’m interested to know more about his idol roles within skz. no pressure if it’s not something you’re interested in doing though!

Anon, my dearest darling anon, if you are still here, if we talked more after you sent this or not, I want you to know that you deserve a forehead kiss and all the happiness in the world. Because waiting for this long for anything is just ridiculous, I am so sorry, I am on my knees, apologising.

Thank you for the love, Bae is sending you a little finger heart, trust me.

You can read the kprofile here!

Also everyone, please thank @dmnksrt because without her, this might have taken me all year to write. She made a 170 song playlist for me to choose from for Bae's playlist, helped me with his instagram name and just gave a lot of feedback. A true MVP.

#if that playlist wont work #i swear to god i WILL bite someone #really anon tho #i am so sorry #i would love to offer you some VIP services #like giving a sneak peak #but i dunno who you are #it's fine though #even if my body is dying #i will work harder from now on!

[symphonyofsilence]

What drives me even more insane about this scene is how you'd expect Gojo to imagine High school era! Geto in the crowd. Or at least not the cult leader, worst of all the curse users Geto Suguru. But no, it's the cult leader Geto. It's Geto as Gojo last remembered him. As Geto last was. Whatever choices Geto made, wherever his choices led him and them, however he was, whoever he was, traumas and messed up ideas and bad choices and ill reputations and scorns and all. Gojo wanted Geto Suguru there. Not any ideal version. Not any "what if" version. Not any "at some point in time before things went downhill" version. Not any "when your hands weren't stained with innocent blood" version. He knew very well what he wanted. And he wanted it all the same. He wanted Geto Suguru. However he was. He just wanted him to be there. He just wanted him to be.

And he didn't want him to help him, he didn't want him to fight with him even if they were strongest together and always fought together for a while. He just wanted him to be there in the crowd and cheer him on. He just wanted him to stand there and give him one of his sweet, heartwarming smiles that shaped his eyes into crescent moons. He just wanted him to be. Then even if Gojo had died in the end anyway, he would have been satisfied. It would have been worth it. Only if Geto was there.

#his love is so pure! it's so real! it drives me insane! #'this is pure love' playing in the background while Gojo said his last words to Geto before his death was a perfect choice! #people died because the strongest sorcerer alive didn't make any move against his batshit boyfriend for 10 years #then couldn't burn his body after he had to kill him. and then froze like a deer in spotlight after he saw his body in the subway #and the same thing is true for Geto his dead body literally came to life to protect Gojo #(the very first case among Kenjaku's many hosts during centuries) even after Gojo had killed him! and he bore no grievance towards Gojo #even in his last moment. to the point that even Nanako & Mimiko knew that Geto had no problem dying by Gojo's hands. #'Whether you come as a lover or an executioner I am ready to receive you.' #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #geto suguru #suguru geto #satosugu #gege akutami #my two cents

[forgettable-au]

Does Flowey exist in this au?

Yes, he does.

Everything's pretty much the same when it comes to the regular story in this AU. It's just the past, especifically Papyrus' past (wich we don't know much about to begin with) that changes

Actually Flowey is one of the main characters in the story! (the main story of this au is divided between the past before the game and a post-pacifist timeline:D)

He and Papyrus will have a fun dynamic

-some thought I had in tags behind the keep reading

Srry for the spelling mistakes in here but I can't go and fix tags because I would end up erasing everything😭tumblr struggles

#my hand is dying I drew all this so quickly lmaokajs #actually Flowey is there in the first concept art I did for this au akahsksj isn't that great #forgettable-au #(THIS MINI COMIC IS UNREALISTIC BTW I don't think flowey would just open up about his past to Papyrus #but like it would end up in a situation like this and I think that's funny) #this is mostly inspired by the weird pararallel that I accidentally created between Flowey and Papyrus #Flowey being someone who remembers being another person even tho Asriels been long gone he still feel like Asriel but is he really Asriel #and then in this case Papyrus is an ACTUAL remain of another person #the same body but not the same memories #when I first was developing the story I noticed that and thought it would be a cool detail to acknowledge #different yet similar in a way situations idk #answered ask #undertale au #papyrus #papyrus!gaster #undertale #papyrus is gaster #flowey #undertale comic

[akantorrr]

Dying halo

Based on this post:

I did say I'd draw it >:0

#ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #I'm trying my best to fight the ultrakill burnout and artblock #but that dying halo photo gave me ideas #and even if the shading is a mess and the shapes don't really make sense and the body looks weird- #and even if it took me 2 hours; I still got it out and drew something #so I'll count this as a win :> #akans art

[chaos0pikachu]

man you can’t say the antagonists in Kinnporsche aren’t top tier tho like: 

tawan is such a cunt but I can’t say I don’t love what he brought to the show he was such a little bitch I hated every second he was on screen and yet loved it to what an absolute unhinged ho with a milk metaphor fetish was ready to risk it all for grade a dick love that for him

vegas?? I mean fucking Vegas like foe, friend, bitch, ho, fashionista, pathetic meow meow, tried to kill Porsche twice, helped Porsche find out the secret of his family an absolute pathetic meow meow man who cries when his therapy hedgehog dies, utterly unhinged yet sexy THIS WASN’T THE FUCKING PLAN top fucking tier 

Gun? Oh fuck Gun like The Worst but the worst in the best way narratively!! like contrasts so well with Korn’s The Worst-ness Gun is like I hate my gay son and I abuse him and Korn is like pathetic I love my gay sons (and nephew!) and abuse them emotionally, systematically, sinisterly, secretively, get on my level

#kinnporsche #kinnporche the series #pikachu back on my loving kinnporsche unhinged meta shit #even on the smaller scale of antagonists like ken and big (emotional antagonists for porsche in the beginning) are great #ken being the traitor? top tier #big not being the traitor and dying to protect porsche in the end? TOP FUCKING TIER #the true antagonist all along tho was kim meeting human emotion in the form of chay cause wow did he get bodied

[brawlite-archive]

sunny kisses from california xoxo ☀️💋

by celebillustrate on twitter | celebillustrate on ig, posted with permission

illustrating a pool-house scene from if i stare too long by brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger

#truly cannot even express my appreciation for this piece of art #it is gorgeous beyond words #i'm dying over all of it #their body language #the expressions contained in each of their hands #the ease the hesitation the desire #billy's fucking princess lashes #steve's MOLES #just so MUCH #anyway #love this #harringroveson #stedilly

[moeblob]

#fe fates #camilla #so i actually drew this a while ago but was gonna shade it and do more emoji things #but welp uh hmmmm im sick and apparently look like I'm dying #which isnt a problem until i sit down to draw and my vision is blurry and yeah thats a problem #so i just attempted to do a doodle and then failed and opted to apply a tiny but of shading to this and give up #but yup uh after a nice of body aches and misery and trying to sleep and failing #i crashed from 10am to 5pm thinking id just rest a lil bit #before anyone says oh you could have taken a day off you know - i technically can yes youre right #however my brain uses art as a coping mech and i need that coping mech really bad right now #which is why i stopped trying to draw something new for today and just went back to a past thing #im not overdoing it i promise #even if my mom and sister think i look like death walking around

[sittinginsunflowers]

The absolutely real way my heart dropped when Brennan brought out those fucking scantron ass test questions and a timer is proof you never outrun high school and if one of them doesn’t curse him out for this truly cruel (and genius) premise next episode I will be shocked

#dimension 20 #d20 #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #I’m nearly 27 years old and I’m starting grad school in the fall #and yet the second he set the timer down and said “go” my mind went blank #my body already thinks it’s dying every time I do something even remotely close to stressful #being tested and knowing you’re about to die (when many of you have already died before) would push me over the fucking edge #anyway #my money is on Siobhan or Lou being the first to yell at him but it may be a group effort

[menciemeer]

Does anyone ever think that like. One of the central ideas of Hannibal is that human beings are delicious.

Not even just in a cannibalism-taboo way, either. Literally everyone who’s gone to one of Hannibal’s dinner parties agrees: The food is good.

(There’s that confusing moment in Trou Normand where it looks like Abigail is realizing what it is she’s eating--confusing because she doesn’t Figure Hannibal Out until later. But what if she isn’t thinking, This tastes just like-- but instead I haven’t had meat this good since--)

It’s not just the taste, either. Human beings in Hannibal seem to make incomparable mushroom fertilizer and instrument strings. Bees love human bodies. And every artist in the entire goddamn world seemingly has this temptation towards human-corpse-as-artistic-medium. Garret Jacob Hobbs uses human hair as pillow stuffing. He holds his pipes together with paste made from human bones.

Also probably worth mentioning is That One Shot in Sorbet (no, That Other One Shot in Sorbet)--the one with the opera singer’s throat, followed by the lingering shot of Hannibal’s ear. It’s the meat again. Meat is singing and more meat is listening. Hannibal is moved to tears--his enjoyment even of music is physical.

It’s probably stretching a bit to try to fit Self-Actualization Via Murder into this paradigm but well. I’m going to try anyway. It’s not just the corpses but the making of corpses that holds this fantastic power in Hannibal Land. We’ve got Randall Tier and Francis Dolarhyde and Will Goddamn Graham all reaching (for) their truest selves via the doing of murder. Hannibal talks about it like this:

We both know the unreality of taking a life. Of people who die when we have no other choice. We know in those moments they are not flesh, but light, and air, and color.

There’s something magical about that. The moment when a person separates from their (useful! valuable! delicious!) body and becomes something else. The moment itself is valuable, if you are one of the Tier-Dolarhyde-Graham classification of killers in Hannibal’s universe.

I feel like I’ve seen a lot of focus on Hannibal disguising what it is he’s cooking with. How his cooking is so good despite. If this post has a thesis, I guess it is that, instead, Hannibal is a good cook because.

#hannibal #meta #and #hannibal meta #is this how you meta i don't even know i don't do this but i got this thought stuck in my head #don't you need A Point #here's another attempt at A Point #so much of art is about what's left behind when you move bodies in space #or at least #i'm a big calligraphy nerd (and so is hannibal and) that's what calligraphy is all about #and i suppose Some Kind Of Artistic Idea Related To That Would Be #a body (alive) moves a body (dying) through space #(through multiple spaces as Body Singular becomes Pieces Plural) #and what's left behind after they both stop is It #ok ok ok ok the more i write the less coherent this becomes Send Post

[deathsweetblossoms]

It made sense, I supposed, that Azriel alone had listened to her. The male who heard things others could not…Perhaps he, too, had suffered as Elain had before he understood what gift he possessed.

#this is the type of thing mates do and they aren’t even mates #sara please PLEASE make them endgame I beg #elriel is alive #pro elriel #elriel #elriel supremacy #the way I can actually see god right now I’ve ascended so far beyond my body LMFAO #IM DYING #OTP

[mayasaura]

ntn spoilers ahead

Question!

I appreciate that you champion Harrow's schizophrenia, and I had a thought that I'd like to run by you. It's intended with full respect for anyone with the disorder, and is also related to the neuro-bio-psych elements.

When Nona, Cam, and Crown are visiting the Captain, Nona hears Varun speak through the Captain. Afterward, she references the incident and realizes that neither Cam nor Crown had heard this happen. I was confused *how* Nona-lecto had that sort of experience, but...

If Nona-lecto is in Harrow's body, is it possible that she's experiencing schizophrenia symptoms? I'm not wanting to imply that it's a full hallucination, though perhaps since Harrow's 'meat' is schizophrenic meat, there are effects. Would mental health/illness be tied to the soul? Personality certainly seems to be, and some forms of memory.

Just rolling this around in my head a bit, and have no thoughts more advanced than this. Thank you for all your theorizing and writings about the books 💀 - heedee

I've been wondering how or if Harrow's schizophrenia effected Nona since the cover first dropped, and literally speaking, the way you're wondering about? I'm still not really sure. Brain stuff is complicated, even before souls are part of the equation, and everything about Nona is already so goddamn weird. I do think Nona is thematically schizophrenic, the same way she's thematically intellectually disabled.

Like the scene you're talking about here:

I think you're absolutely onto something, seeing this as related to psychosis. Reading this scene with that framing in mind, Nona's experience is so clearly about hallucinations. She was just trying to change the subject, and fuck. Turns out no one else heard that! Camilla and Crown's reactions, too.

But to your point about neurobiology, and the relationship between soul and body, it doesn't really tell us much. Nona wasn't hallucinating, because it turned out Judith wasn't just screaming. Varun was speaking to Nona through Judith in the language of a murdered planet, a language that sounds like screaming to human ears. Like Nona's uncanny knack for human languages, that's a product of her soul, not her brain.

We get proof of that later when Nona is pretending to be Harrow, and faking being effected by the blue light. She imitates the way Judith screamed, makes her mouth make the same shapes Judith's did, and her words come out in italics; just like Judith's words that Camilla and Crown heard as screams. She calls for help, in the screaming language she'd heard from Judith, with Judith in the room to hear her, and Varun answers by attacking the planet.

To your question about whether schizophrenia would be connected to the soul or to the body in setting, I don't think there's a dichotomy there. Body and soul aren't separate things, even when they're separated.

Lyctorhood, for example. You'd think muscle memory would be a clear cut case of living in the body. It's muscles. But when Ianthe chowed down on Naberius' soul, she got his reflexes with it. His swordsmanship, his stance, his training. The soul brought the body with it. And when Harrow literally cut Gideon out of her brain, it removed Gideon from her memory even when her soul was elsewhere. She spent half that book in the River, but didn't remember Gideon until her skull construct failed and her brain began to heal. So I would say that, just like memory, it's both. Harrow's schizophrenia is tied to both her soul and body, and there's not really much point in trying to separate the two.

#ntn spoilers #nona the ninth #nona palona #the locked tomb #harrow's schizophrenia #also hi Heedee!! big thank you for the big juicy question to roll around in my head #and thank you for liking my meta!! 💕 I love making it and it really means a lot to me that you like reading it #sorry it took over a fucking month to get this one back to you #it kept picking up new questions and implications #like a snowball rolling around a yard #like #so how does the non-dichotomy of soul and body work re: Pyrrha? #I think its partially the eightfold word and partially maybe bc Pyrrha's soul has had ten thousand years to acclimate to being Gideon's bod #Pyrrha isn't surprised to hear that Nona is dying in chapter 24 because (to quote): #'It takes a lot to acclimate a soul to a body it wasn’t born in if that original body’s around for it to miss' #and this is while Pyrrha still thinks it's probably Gideon in there #we know bc she tells Nona later in the same conversation that she thinks the body they're going after might be hers #so that means even the eightfold word isn't sufficient to acclimate a soul to a different body #Gideon and Harrow have done it as completely as Pyrrha and her Gideon ever did #but the eightfold word DOES lay the groundwork #or at least I'm pretty sure it does #because Ianthe in Naberius' body was nothing like Wake in Cytherea's or Palamedes in Naberius #Wake and Pal's movements were awkward and jerky while Ianthe moved with the same grace and fluidity as Kiriona inhabiting her own dead body #speaking of Ianthe and Naberius I am eyeing that line about 'if that original body's around for it to miss' #what happened to the bodies of the other lyctors' cavaliers is a long standing mystery #and Pyrrha seems like she might be implying there that her original body ISN'T still around to miss #can't just be that it's dead; Gideon's is dead too and Pyrrha was talking about Gideon's body when she said the line #so maybe there is something in the theory that the original cavaliers were cremated #I can see the lyctors doing it if they thought it was the only way to prevent complications or later failure of the process #kinda makes me wonder what kinds of complications might arise from Ianthe keeping Babs around to play play with

[lestatslestits]

Btw a question that has been haunting me for DAYS:

If Tale of the Body Thief is adapted in modern (2022 or onward) time, do you think Lestat will just like. Get COVID?

#there’s a bigass epidemic of a virulent strain of flu or something like that in the book #for some reason the setup in season 1 of vamps not wearing masks because they can’t get COVID would make the scenario so funny to me #raglan james chooses an unvaxxed body because he’s Like That and then it never even occurs to Lestat that he should wear a mask #he’s not anti-mask or anything #this problem has just literally never arisen before #why has this been occupying my mind #why is this so funny to me #it just cracks me up that in the book MULTIPLE people are like #sir #sir you look like you may be actually dying #don’t go home #don’t go to the pharmacy #don’t even go to the doctor #proceed directly to the emergency room #and lestat is just like ‘no i think this is just what a cold feels like???’ #and then he passes out and almost dies .7 seconds later

[himawanai]

canto IV thoughts: starts screaming

#limbus company #ishmael lcb #yi sang lcb #hima art #eyestrain #maybe. #also i was originally gonna caption ishmael standalone with smnt like ‘my body contorts but my mind persists’ #like idomt know ishs reaction to being melted into goop was interesting #is it the feeling that Oh shit im actuslly dying fr #and she hasnt gotten to her goal yet (presumably finding Ahab) #or is it like the sheer terror and cognitive dissonance of seeing yr body do things it shuld not #either way she was interestingly vulnerable in that moment #strange since she usually has her handle on thigns #and she prides herself on that too #ihave not even mentioned my yisang thoughts. i like him now

[lloydfrontera]

related to that last post that's kinda why i think cpsm revealing that javier had died three years earlier than lloyd is poignant in a very understated way.

javier's original fate was to live when everyone he cared about didn't. he was meant to be the protagonist of that world, to face all kind of threats and survive all of them, but with no one at his side.

he's the narrative's favorite but the narrative's love is not gentle and it is not kind and it will hold you close until you suffocate under its themes and parallels. for the world would bend itself for javier to be at it's center but it would not allow him the comfort of sharing that spot with anyone else.

he was always meant to be the last one standing. fate won't kill him but it won't allow him to die either.

and then comes lloyd with his plot breaking meddling saving everyone around them and shoving his way into the protagonist role, sharing the burden javier wasn't even aware he was carrying. and fate tries so hard to correct itself, it tries by all means possible to put things back the way they were meant to be, but in the end the best it can do is to try and make it so there will only be one main character in the world. the way it was always meant to be.

it concedes. it won't take away everything from its favorite anymore. but it won't stand for there to be two of them.

and the thing is. it wins. it gets what it wants. in the end javier can't save lloyd, he can't take his place, he can't keep him alive, he has to stand and watch him sacrifice himself for everyone else. for javier himself. in the end when the battle is over javier is again the last one standing.

when lloyd comes back and the fate restoration doesn't start up all over again, he thinks it's because lloyd frontera's original body disappeared and he came back in his own body. i don't think it was that. i think the reason fate didn't try to restore itself again is because it had already achieved what it wanted.

the narrative won. not completely. not the way it was originally meant to. but in the end javier ended up as the lone protagonist who watched his loved one die before his eyes.

only then was it satisfied and allowed javier to leave its grasp. only then was he allowed to become a person and not just the main character.

a person who could spend a lifetime with all of his loved ones and when the time came, die peacefully in his sleep, knowing at least the person he came to care the most about will outlive him. at least this time, he won't be the one left behind.

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #the greatest estate developer #tged spoilers #javier asrahan #lloyd frontera #i always thought the ending of tged was kinda weird #cause it felt like the main issue wasn't really addressed?? #like. everything lloyd accomplished was still there. his soul was there. his rp his titles his effects his summons his abilities #everything was still there. why would the body he was in be the problem?? he's still the same person that disrupted the fate of the world #does that mean that if he had isekai'd in his own body the restoration of fate wouldn't have been an issue?? #he could've changed the plot in its entirety and fate wouldn't have had a problem with that?? #so personally i think his death. the even itself. had more to do with it than anything. #him dying was like. a trigger event for fate to be satisfied. #it couldn't stand having two protagonists and all of its plot disrupted. so when one of them died leaving the other one with 'tragedy' #it counted it as good enough and finally stopped trying to give the main character the tragic backstory and traumatic events #he was meant to go through. #does that make any sense to anyone. does it. #anyway it does to me so that's my headcanon ajshdksda #can you tell. i like metanarratives. and fate as a character onto itself. #can you tell i come from the [OMITTED] fandom ajhdjaadsf

[unsureofu]

“I don’t want to live forever”

Stop. Stop right there. I do. I never ever ever ever want to lose my ability to feel and see and be. Never ever ever. I truly want to live forever and I want everyone I love to live forever. I don’t even think I like living all that much but I think being dead would be so much worse.

#yes this is motivated by fear #terrified of dying #and constantly in fear of the shock you feel when the grief begins again #I don’t even like life but I think I’d hate being dead #I am so a bitch that would freeze my body in hopes of coming back to life #p

[coridallasmultipass]

Shit Post venting hour let's go:

Trans Bro/Trans Dirk has endometriosis (*enBROmetriosis, because people are shitty and don't get that guys have it, too), even AFTER getting a hysterectomy, because, unfortunately, sometimes our bodies are just transphobic like that. (True story, bro...) He doesn't get symptoms regularly post-op, but when they hit, they hit like a plane-wreck - it's a huge disaster for one, and it also becomes everyone else's business.

Trans Dave doesn't have endo, but still goes through a lot of pain relievers for normal cramps. He forgot to tell Bro they were out of medicine last time.

Cue Bro stuck hugging the toilet, sick from how much pain he's in as soon as he wakes up, and Dave doesn't hear him call out for healing.

As soon as Dave hears Bro talking about Advil, he immediately remembers his mistake and realizes why Bro's been extra volatile lately (PMS/PMDD/etc).

#i know it's cringe dude but im living it and i know theres nothing more cringe than not being able to breathe bc it hurts too much to move #or waking up from not sleeping all night only to vomit as soon as you get up bc it hurts too fucking much and you didnt get meds yet #endo is a special hell my body has made for me to punish me for being too trans #ditched the uterus so my body downloaded a trojan uterus to replace it except now its all over my insides... #...even tho im on medicine thats supposed to suppress endo growth #im having a whole mental breakdown over it and saw someone talkin shit on trans dirk so this is for them specifically (blocked) #fffffuuuuuckk these cramps holy shit im dying literally any pressure on my abdomen is too tight even just my sweater resting on it #homestuck #bro strider #dirk strider #bro #dirk #trans bro strider #trans dirk strider #trans dirk #trans bro #striders #endometriosis #trans man #hoooly fk im tryn not to die rn jfc i might need to puke again #emetophobia mention #endo #enbrometriosis #art #vent #ShitPost.exe #Cori.exe #Image.exe #Create.exe #i had to stop typing tags to go puke bc the pain is so bad lollllll