#everyday has been hard I have no clue how I’m still going on

[foreveralbon]

Hey, could you write one where y/n is in a long distance relationship with Logan Sargeant. Like when it’s off season she still is in a different country and she decides to surprise him at a Grand Prix and he has no clue but the team helps her

All fluff please ❤️

thank you so much for requesting, i hope you enjoy it 🫶🏻🫶🏻

back in his arms - ls2

the side of your bed that is normally warmed by logan’s body is occupied by the still figures of your cat rupert and his dog coco. rupert’s small head is resting on your stomach as you stroke your finger up and down his nose, and coco is curled up at your feet.

your phone brightens up your dark bedroom and logan is watching you fondly from the other side of the tiny screen.

“show me rupert,” he demands, propping his phone up so he can watch you at a normal angle.

“what? have you gotten sick of my face or something?” you accuse him with a laugh.

but you still tilt the screen to show logan, who coos at the sight of your cat. rupert meows before turning his body so that he faces away from you.

“now look what you did, you scared him off!”

he just laughs and insists that it was you. the screen is so bright that you squint when it glares in your eyes, and logan tells you to turn the light on and your brightness down before you hurt your eyes.

“i can’t be bothered to.”

he just rolls his eyes, feigning dismissal though he already knew what your response would be. there’s something about the fact that he’s trying to recreate everyday life with you over the phone - teasing comments, cuddles in bed, bullying your pets, random conversations at the most random times. it has you feeling giddy inside, and it’s more than enough to keep you satisfied for now. at least until the next time you see him, which, if things go your way, won’t be too far long.

“you’re wearing my jumper,” he notes. “are you cold?”

“no. why so many questions today?”

“just wanna look after you. it’s the next best thing i can do considering i’m not with you.”

and it quite probably is the next best thing he can do - he’s in las vegas, with drunk people stumbling down sidewalks, with men who’ve gambled big and loss hard and with led billboards blinding his sight everywhere he goes, while you lay at home in bed, smothering yourself in every single thing of his you can find - his clothes, his blanket, his cologne.

you’re wearing his hoodie now, sleeves tugged down to your fingers and hoodie strings tied to below your chin. you look warm and cozy and logan wants nothing more than to be with you in that moment.

“i know, lo. i want you here more than anything too.”

“i wish you could’ve come with me.” he hasn’t stopped saying that since he first called you half an hour ago, eyes drooped with sleep and lips pouted as he tried to imagine you beside him.

i know, is all you say. and seeing as how there’s an unread message from alex albon asking you what time your flight lands in nevada, and your suitcase is sitting in the corner of your room, packed full of clothes and necessities for both you and your boyfriend, it’d be quite embarrassing for you if you rocked up to quali to surprise your boyfriend only for him to not want you there.

truthfully, the only reason you’re wearing his hoodie is to hide the plane clothes that you wear beneath - though, you’re not too sure why he hasn’t questioned the hoodie despite the fact he knows it’s hot out.

“i’ll be there for abu dhabi,” you promise, and he nods before blowing a kiss goodbye through the screen.

your room is shrouded in darkness when he hangs up - you really should open up the blinds or turn the lights on, but the thought is pushed to the back of your mind by the bubbling anticipation in your stomach at the idea of seeing logan before the end of the day.

—

your flight had been delayed. one hour, two hours, three hours and your nails would have started bleeding if it had been delayed an hour extra.

you’d planned it in your head - if the flight leaves at three, you get there by seven and have some time to yourself before going to track and surprising logan. that was the one thing that didn’t go your way.

now, it’s 10:30pm and you’re rushing your way through the paddocks, praying that you make it to catch a glimpse of logan driving.

lily’s trailing behind you, hand gripped tightly in yours so as not to lose you. she’d picked you up from the hotel, freshly ironed clothes in hand because she’d known you wouldn’t have time to prepare your own yourself. you arrive in the williams garage with 15 minutes to spare.

james greets you with a hug before doing the same to lily, and you move to stand behind him. someone comes up to you both, offering you a headset, and almost immediately, logan’s voice comes flooding in. his familiar drawl, though strained with effort from racing, has your blood pumping. you’re here, he’s here, and you’re only minutes away from being back in his arms.

“how are we doing?”

“good,” james replies. “if you push, you can set a much faster lap time.”

there’s a bite of determination in logan’s tone when he replies with a firm “will do” and you just know he’s about to try his hardest. your eyes follow the little blue dot on the screen that’s supposed to be him and there’s so much happening on the screens that you don’t know what to focus on.

but it’s when he sets a lap time that puts him in p7 - and with alex, both williams in the third row for the race - that sets your blood alight, celebrations erupting from the whole garage. lily cheers for both alex and logan and pulls you in for another hug.

“great job, everyone,” logan says, voice crackly over the radio one last time as he pulls into the pit lane. “that was for my girl, i hope she was watching.”

you can’t help the blush that creeps up your cheeks, hiding from the gaze of every proud team member who watches you in place of your boyfriend.

logan’s car comes rolling into the garage and you step into view when he jumps out. it takes a moment for him to go around, accepting congratulations, and well done’s, and good luck’s from the team. it’s only when he turns around to place his helmet on the closest table that he spots you, a proud smile stretching your face and his jacket hung over your shoulder to shield you from the cold las vegas air.

he freezes. he raises his hand, half-pointing to you, like he’s asking if everyone else can see you too. alex just laughs and pushes him forward.

logan’s hands come up to squish your cheeks, jaw dropped in disbelief as his eyes scour your face as though to check that you’re really real. “you came here and surprised me. you were at home this morning.”

“i did. i was.”

he falters over his words, kissing you between each stutter. around you, everyone goes from watching you to busying themselves, giving you as much privacy as possible in a crowded room. “how?”

“alex and lily coordinated flights and timing, james hooked me up with a hotel room. you have to thank them.”

“i will,” he nods. “you’re here.”

“i am,” you whisper. he holds your gaze now, sky blue eyes spilling every untold i love you, i miss you, i’m never leaving you again in yours. “you did so well, logan. i’m so proud of you.”

his face splits into a bright grin. “it’s ‘cause you’re here, now. and i talked to you earlier. kinda like you’re my lucky charm.”

“i like the sound of that.”

“don’t ever let me be alone again, okay?”

“i promise.”

author’s note: sped through that second half so i could have it out in time to manifest a good quali for logan

@namgification @queen-aria-things @lipringlrh let me know if you’d like to be added to my taglist!

#liyah writes #logan sargeant fanfiction #logan sargeant x you #logan sargeant x reader #logan sargeant imagine #formula one x you #formula one x reader #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #logan sargeant

[plutoccult]

ALWAYS THE ARTIST, NEVER THE MUSE

pairing: eren yeager x gender neutral reader

description: you know you shouldn’t have let yourself fall for eren, but you did anyway, and it only left you with nothing but hurt when you knew his heart belonged to another. after months of torture, you finally have the strength to let go, granting you the happiness you so desperately needed back in your life.

word count: 1.7k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: happy december? no, angsty december. this particular one shot is a little personal for me because it’s based off a final conversation i had with someone who i essentially let have hold of my heart for far too long and finally had the strength to let go of them a few months ago. he’s like jake gyllenhaal minus the age gap. i say this because he gave me the ability to relate to the moment i knew aka not being there for my 21st birthday! insane! i did however make it less personal by giving it some how i met your mother vibes, but there’s still inklings of my personal life in it. writing helps me heal and express my feelings in a way that i’m comfortable with, so i feel good writing this as part of my healing journey? corny to use fanfiction for healing, but to each their own. sorry if this is too angsty, but imagine how my life has been LMAO. anyway, big shoutout to my friend @toorubobatea for beta reading this. i really wanted her to read it before i posted it, so thank you queen!! and now i hope you guys can enjoy it just like she did! mwah! and i’m tagging @jeanboyjean since she so kindly asked me to <3

you knew that the day you met eren yeager, your life would never be the same, but my god, did it your life turn upside down. pulled in so many different directions you couldn’t tell what was left or right anymore. you felt like you were losing yourself in the process, but you wanted more of him like you wanted to breathe air.

it was always a mistake. one beautiful, soul-crushing mistake. he’d lead you on with mixed signals and uncertainty, but you lived for the thrill because it was the only interesting thing going on in your life. it’s “for the plot”, as you’d always say. even if your friends told you a million times he was bad news and you would only get hurt in the end, you didn’t care.

he was just your friend, that’s what you two always claimed; just friends, but you always sensed a hint of a lie in those words. you couldn’t be just friends. not when he remembered everything you said down to what you had for lunch last week or that time your mother fainted as she watched you get stitches for the first time as a kid. not when he spoke to you everyday like clockwork, a routine that seemed to come easy. how could you ever be just friends? how could it not be more?

you were inevitably in love with eren yeager, and it crushed you when you realized he never once had those feelings for you. not only that, but he was in love with someone else; mikasa ackerman, his best friend since childhood. it all made perfect sense, and you wished you never met him in the first place. but even then, you couldn’t keep yourself away from him. as long as he didn’t know of your feelings, everything would be fine, right? oh, how you were so, so wrong.

you tortured yourself every time you spoke to him. you listened to him as he pined for mikasa, too scared to admit his feelings to her. of course you knew what it was like to be in that position, the one you wanted was sitting right in front of you and he didn’t seem to have a clue. it frustrated you so much, but even so, you’d rather have something instead of nothing with him. such a sad way to feel, such a sad way to live when you think about it now. always the artist, never the muse. constantly crafting for others, nothing ever created just for you.

you’d push those feelings deep down into the darkest pit of your heart, but no matter how hard you tried, it would all come back every time you saw his face or even thought of him. those thoughts of maybe if you were prettier, funnier, and just overall better plagued your mind, but you had to shake them away. one day, you knew, you’d ultimately become fed up and blow up about it. it was the only way you knew how, the only way you could be free.

so now here you were, sitting at your usual booth in your favorite bar—assuming it may no longer be yours after tonight—waiting for eren to arrive so you could talk. you assumed he could sense your seriousness and urgency when you texted him, but you figured so be it. one way or another, you’d do this.

he arrived like you expected. you refused to let him make you second guess yourself, so you kept your cool and acted as normal before you dropped the bomb on him. besides, the shot you took before he showed up was quite the help, plus the drink you swirled around in its glass now.

eren walked over to the bar to grab a drink before heading over to the booth, expecting you to stand up and greet him with a hug like always, but you remained in your seat, clutching your drink in your hands.

“hey, i got your text.” he said as he sat down across from you.

“i see that.” you reply. he noticed you were acting different, not like the y/n he knew. it was obvious you had something on your mind, and since he knew you so well, eren could sense you were going to spill your guts about something.

“what’s up? is something wrong?” eren asked. this was it.

“i just.” you pause. oh god, you were really doing this. “i just wanted to say that i’m done with whatever this is.”

he’s silent, he doesn’t know what to say. you feel like the words are all coming out like vomit. you almost wish you were spewing real vomit right now, but you weren’t quite drunk enough for that. you had to get through this hellish conversation first, at least.

“i’m done. i’m not going to make a fool out of myself anymore. i’m done trying. i’m giving up.” you say, tears threatening to stream down your face, but you fight them away. “i’m done exhausting myself of trying to be something i’ll never be because deep down i know i’ll never be yours.”

eren should’ve seen this coming. all those times you fell silent when he ranted to you about his love problems. you always wanted to scream in his face about how the one person in this world that actually wanted him was always right there, that it was you. even so, he could never give you what you wanted, and he felt like the worst person in the world because of it.

you wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t say anything. if this was going to be your final conversation, he might as well say something. “well, speak now or forever hold your peace because i’m clearly not holding mine.”

“i mean, it’s just not what i was expecting to hear.” eren finally spoke. “i’m just shocked.”

“trust me, i never expected to say it either, but if i’ve learned anything, it’s that i care too much.” you tearfully admit. “too much about you when i know where your heart belongs and it’s not with me.”

“i’m sorry, y/n. i never meant for things to get like this.” he said with sincerity, although you wondered if it was all a lie. “and you must know that there was never any hostile intentions behind any of my actions.”

“that’s funny. it always seemed like there was.” you looked down at your drink, quickly moving your gaze back to him as he spoke once more.

“no, you…” eren paused, trying to put the words together in the best way he could. even if he didn’t seem like it, he did care someway, somehow. “you’ve been there for me when i needed someone most and i’m really, really grateful for that, but i can’t give you what you want, and i’ve been unfair to you as a result. i’m sorry.”

huh. this really wasn’t what you were expecting. where’s the insults? where’s the twisting of your words? why is he actually being apologetic and taking accountability? you wanted to say this was crazy, but this is eren you’re talking about. you always knew he was too good. too good to ever be yours, even.

“you know, this is usually the part where you flip out and make it all my fault instead by calling me delusional and crazy.” you force a laugh. might as well laugh through the pain, right?

“i’m not gonna flip out.” eren said.

“why?” you question him.

“because i know i’ve done wrong by you.” he replied.

“well, that’s a shock.” you take a sip of your drink, tempted to chug it, but eren’s words shocked you into stopping the liquid from going past your lips.

“it shouldn’t have to be, y/n.” he frowned. “you deserve someone who won’t weigh you down. you deserve to move on, even if it’s not flattering for me.”

you set down your drink as you let out a sigh and briefly cover your face, rubbing your eyes before showing yourself once more. “i hate that you’re being so nice about this. i was expecting to yell at you or something.”

“do you want to?” eren asked you.

as much as past you would have loved to, you didn’t have the energy to be bitter anymore. “no… i’m okay. this is better.”

“you sure?”

“yeah, positive.” you say, followed by silence. there wasn’t much for you to say anymore, and you couldn’t beat on this dead horse any longer. it was time to finally say goodbye, no matter how much it pained you to do so. “um, i guess we should just end this here, huh?”

“yeah, guess so.” he looked away. this hurt eren too, but you both knew this was for the best. you’ll be thankful later down the road.

“would it be totally wrong to sneak in a taylor swift quote right now?” you ask, almost immediately regretting the question.

“no, go for it.”

“eh, maybe not. too corny.” you thought it would be best to keep those words to yourself. besides, it was too hard to pin it down to just one thing. he was worth a hundred songs, ones you may never listen to the same way, but that’s okay.

“she’s a wise, wise woman, you know.” eren said, a grin slowly creeping up on his face, despite the circumstances.

“yeah, she is.” you softly smile. at least you could end this on a little good note.

“goodbye, y/n. i wish you the best in everything.”

“goodbye, eren. i really hope you get her someday.”

and with that, you placed a twenty dollar bill on the table and left the bar, no longer claiming it as your favorite and leaving it to eren, along with your favorite place to sit. like with everything else in life, nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same, and that’s okay. you knew that now.

it was such a strange feeling, having this weight lifted off your shoulders. you had been burdened with this boulder for so long you forgot what it felt like to be weightless. you were finally clean of eren yeager, light as a feather, but most importantly, happy, and freeing yourself of such delusions was the greatest gift you could ever receive.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #aot x reader #snk x reader #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader #aot angst #snk angst #attack on titan angst #shingeki no kyojin angst #eren yeager #eren yeager x reader #eren x reader #eren yeager angst #aot eren #snk eren #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger angst #pluto writes 📝

[toasttt11]

moving

August 2, 2017

Luke, Wyatt and Livia were all sitting together in her backyard in the treehouse they have spent a million times in.

The three have been the absolute best of friends the last nine years and have spent most of the years together, from going through school and always playing on the same hockey teams.

Luke and Livia always acted like siblings and Luke always was protective of his honorary little sister and he also completely noticed how Wyatt has been crushing on Livia forever but Livia had no clue.

Luke and Wyatt, the best of friends and they tend to fool around with each other more and they are getting in trouble and Livia has to come and stop them.

Wyatt and Livia are a lot softer with each other and Wyatt has always been very kind and sweet towards Livia which everyone can tell it’s because he has a crush on her but Livia just thinks he is being sweet.

Luke and his family was moving to Michigan for the boys hockey as they are all going to be playing in the program in Michigan. Luke was exicted to play in the program in a few years but he did hate having to leave his best friends.

The three all sat against the wall of the tree house and Livia was sitting between her two boys and she was leaning her head on Luke’s shoulder and playing with the friendship bracelet on Wyatt’s wrist.

The three all have matching friendship bracelets they made, Livia has a W and L on hers, Wyatt’s has L and L and Luke has W and a L.

“I’m gonna miss you.” Livia whispered sniffling to keep the tears from falling.

“I’m gonna miss you guys too.” Luke whispered back leaning his head on top of his best friend’s head and putting his arm around and resting it on Wyatt squeezing his shoulder.

“Don’t forgot about us Lukey.” Wyatt pretended to glare at his best friend.

“I would never.” Luke promised looking at the two. Luke knew it was gonna be hard to be alone and away from the two and definitely weird not seeing them everyday anymore.

Luke felt his phone buzz and saw his mom texting him because they had to leave soon, “Guess this is it?” Luke sadly muttered.

“Don’t worry Lukey, we will see each other soon.” Livia softly spoke knowing they have already planned for Wyatt and Livia to come out to visit Luke.

“I know.” Luke mumbled and he wrapped his other arm around Livia hugging her tightly, “Smack Wy for me every once in awhile, okay?” Luke whispered to his best friend and his favorite person.

“Of course.” Livia whispered back feeling her tears sitting on her waterline as she giggled slighty.

Wyatt just fondly rolled his eyes not suprised Luke asked that.

Luke reluctantly let go of them and stood up, Wyatt and Livia both stood up as well and started following Luke down the treehouse ladder.

They all kinda just stopped at the bottom of the treehouse as they all knew the second they walked into Livia’s house Luke would have to leave.

Livia lunged towards Luke wrapping him into a tight hug, Luke stumbled back slightly but caught her and tightly wrapped one of his arms around her and held out the other hand towards Wyatt who was looking at them with sad eyes. Wyatt swallowed sadly and stepped forward wrapping his arms around the both of them.

Luke rested his head on Wyatt as he is still taller than both of them, he leaned his head back swallowing to stop himself from crying, “Alright.” Luke whispered and the three all reluctantly let go of each other just looking at each other with sad eyes.

Livia held onto Luke’s hand before they started walking into the house seeing Livia’s parents and Ellen talking, the heads snapped up as the three walked into the house together.

“You ready Lukey?” Ellen questioned sadly knowing how much her youngest son is going to miss his two best friends and how sad he was when he found out they were moving, Ellen was also sad as she was going to miss the two around her house.

“Yeah.” Luke mumbled not looking anywhere near happy he turned to the two and just pulled them into a hug again, “543 forever?” Luke whispered their motto to the two.

5 for Wyatt’s number 5, 4 for Livia’s number 4, 3 for Luke’s number 43, something they started when they were young and talking about the numbers they wanted to play with in the NHL.

“543 forever.” Wyatt and Livia whispered back in unison both of them holding onto Luke tightly.

Luke let go of the two and looked at the once more and turned around clenching his jaw to stop himself from crying, Ellen put her arm around her son as she led him out of the house.

Gary and Tina shared a look and left the room knowing Livia would find more comfort in Wyatt than them.

Livia turned around burying her head in Wyatt’s chest. Wyatt wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“Come on Livy let’s go lay down.” Wyatt softly cooed and pulled back from the hug but kept his arm around her. Wyatt is the only person to ever call Livia, Livy.

Livia nodded and let Wyatt lead her up to her room where she quickly slipped her shoes off and dove under her blankets, Wyatt smiled fondly and slipped his shoes and lifted the edge of the blankets so he could see Livia and saw her beautiful eyes looking at him.

Wyatt slid under the covers and Livia immediately scooted closer to him and shoved herself against Wyatt’s warmth.

Wyatt fondly smiled and started playing with her loose curls in her hair as he felt her relax more and more against him until she fell fast asleep.

#liviadrysdaleau #ld4 #wyatt johnston x oc #wyatt johnston #luke hughes x oc #luke hughes #jamie drysdale x oc #jamie drysdale #jack hughes #quinn hughes #jack hughes x oc #quinn hughes x oc #trevor zegras x oc #roope hintz #trevor zegras #anaheim ducks #philadelphia flyers #dallas stars #new jersey devils #tyler seguin #nhl blurbs #nhl x oc #nhl blurb #nhl au

[yourfavoritebookclub]

WINGLEADER: A Xaden Riorson POV Fanfiction

CHAPTER 22

The next month is another flurry of classes, supply runs to Athebyne, and aerial training with Sgaeyl. 

The situation on the border is becoming increasingly dangerous, with raids becoming more and more frequent, and we can’t seem to get weapons to the fliers often enough. 

Violet’s training is a test all on its own. Everyday I spend with her tangled up in the mat, or instructing her as she uses magic, is a test of pure willpower. 

She’s so disarming, so intelligent, and driven, that it’s becoming difficult to keep things strictly professional. 

And beautiful. 

So fucking beautiful. 

There are days when she walks into a room and I have to manually override every desire fueled thought that courses through me. And, Gods, she doesn’t make it easy. She pushes, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.

“...I need you guys to get to class. Especially you. A signet would be great, you know. If you can maybe make that happen,” I hear Dain say as I walk toward his squad, gathered around the door to Professor Carr’s room. 

“She’s going to miss Carr’s class today” I say to Dain, the only warning of my approach, and Sawyer hurries to move out of the way.

“No, I’m not.” Violet shakes her head and I ignore her, keeping my attention on Aetos. 

“She needs to go,” Dain has the audacity to argue. “I mean, unless the wing has more pressing matters for Cadet Sorrengail, her time is best spent developing her wielding skills.” 

“I think we both know she’s not going to manifest a signet in that room. She would have already if that was the key,” I retort, looking down at him, annoyed.

 Aetos has no clue that I’ve been training her to wield over the last few months, and leave it to him to still believe he knows what’s best for Violet. “And yes, the wing has more pressing matters for her.”

“Sir, I’m just not comfortable with her going a day without at least practicing her wielding, and as her squad leader–”

“For Dunne’s sake,” I sigh, pulling a pocket watch out of my cloak and holding it out to Violet. “Pick it up, Sorrengail.”

Violet glances from Dain to me with an exasperated look on her face, and then looks down at the pocket watch in my hand, her face contorting in concentration.

She raises her right hand, and I can feel the brush of her power as it reaches my palm, a soft caress against my skin.

“You got this,” Rhiannon encourages.

“Let her concentrate,” Sawyer chastises.

The watch pulls from my hand and starts to fall, plummeting to the ground. Violet yanks her hand up and the watch speeds toward her, her other hand coming up to snatch the timepiece before it can smack her in the face.

There’s applause from her fellow first years, and I walk to Violet and pluck the watch out of her hand, dropping it back into my cloak. “See? She’s practiced. Now, we have things to do.” 

I put a possessive hand at the small of her back, delighting at the way Dain stiffens almost imperceptibly.  

I steer Violet away from the group, removing my hand once I feel confident she’s actually following me. “Where are we going?” 

“I’m assuming you’re not wearing flight leathers under that cloak.” I open the door to the dormitory and she walks inside, turning to stare at me, dumbfounded.

“What?” I ask, closing the door and leaving the bitter cold behind us.

“You opened the door for me.”

“Old habits die hard.” I shrug. “My father taught me that–” I hault abruptly as the sting of his memory, so at odds with the woman next to me. 

The hurt settles over me, and the world around me disappears momentarily as images of my father flood my mind. 

Mentoring me on the sparring field, taking Bodhi and I to the Cliffs of Dralor, letting us pick blackberries and play until the sun had fallen behind the horizon.

That final goodbye, where he’d promised to come home.

Even at twenty-three the ache that comes from missing my father feels enormous, like I’m still a child.

“Don’t you think it’s a little cold for flying?” Violet’s voice cuts through my cloud of grief.

I blink, the world coming back into focus. “I’ll wait here.” I say curtly.

Violet walks into her room and changes quickly, reemerging in a set of fur-lined leathers. 

We walk across the courtyard, empty save for a few cadets still rushing off to class.

“You didn’t answer me,” Violet says after a beat of silence.

“About what?” I don’t bother waiting for her, my resentment still fresh, her presence too close for comfort.

“About it being cold for flight.”

“Third-years have flight field this afternoon, Kaori and the other professors are just taking it easy on you guys, since the Squad Battle is coming up and they know you need the practice in wielding.” I push open the gate and stride into the tunnel, Violet hurrying in after me.

“But I don’t need the practice?” she asks doubtfully.

“Winning the Squad Battle is nothing in the scheme of keeping you alive. You’ll be on the front lines before the rest of them come next year.” 

“Is that what’s going to happen next year? I’m going to the front lines?” she asks, her voice holding an edge of uncertainty.

I press my lips into a thin line, the future already becoming a messy tangle between the two of us. “Inevitably. There’s no telling how long Sgaeyl and Tairn will tolerate being separated. My best guess is that we’ll both have to sacrifice to keep them happy.” 

We’re both silent for the remainder of our walk to the Gauntlet, watching the snowy landscape unfold.

“Second Wing,” Violet nods, noting the cadets that move through the Gauntlet, the obstacle course even deadlier with the addition of icy rain and thick clumps of snow. “You sure you don’t want your own squads out here practicing”

A small smile has the corner of my mouth lifting. It’s easy to forget sometimes that she’s still a first-year, and I remember what my own concerns and ambitions were then, all glory and no survival. “When I was a first-year I thought winning was the pinnacle, too. But once you’re in your third year, and you see the things that we do…” I grind my teeth at the horrors the professors have kept well hidden this year. “Let’s just say that the games are a lot more lethal.”

We start up the staircase, but there’s already a group coming down, so we both move off to the side to let them pass. I stand straighter, my spine going rigid as I take in the two figures descending the stairs. 

Commandant Panchek and Colonel Aetos reach the landing, and Colonel Aetos beams at Violet, who might be standing even straighter than I am. “At ease,” he says and her shoulders relax just a fraction. “You’re looking well, Violet. Nice flight lines,” he says, gesturing to the indentations around his eyes from the flight goggles. “You must be getting a lot of airtime.” 

“Thank you, sir, I am.” She smiles back at him, but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Dain is doing well, too. He’s my squad leader this year.”

“He told me,” Dain’s father says, his smile growing wider. “Mira asked about you while we were touring the Southern Wing last month. Don’t worry, you’ll get your letter privileges in second year, and then you can keep in touch more often. I’m sure you miss her.”

“Every day.” Violet nods. I wonder what it’s like to be in her position. To be the child of someone like Lillith Sorrengail, to rub shoulders and exchange smiles with these people who destroy, and take, and change the narrative to remain the forever heroes.

The sight of the general coming around the corner and out of the stairwell makes my breath catch, her presence grating against me like salt rubbed into all one hundred and seven scars that sprawl across my back.

“Mom,” Violet’s voice is a burst of air.

The general says nothing to her youngest daughter, just assesses her in that severe way of hers, scanning her from head to toe. “I hear you’re having trouble wielding.” 

Is this the first time she’s seen her mother since Conscription? There’s no warmth in the woman’s gaze, and Violet takes a step backward as if needing to put some distance between Lillith and herself. 

She lifts her chin slightly, “I have the best shields in my year.”

“With a dragon like Tairn, I would certainly hope so.” Her eyebrow quirks up in a look of distaste. “If not, all of that incredible, enviable power will have been…” she sighs in a mockery of dismay, “squandered.”

“Yes, General” is all Violet says in return, something like defeat in her tone.

“You have been the topic of some conversation, though.” General Sorrengail’s gaze lifts to Violet’s head, her mouth tightening in disapproval. I ball my hands into fists at my side, the desire to hit the general growing stronger the longer this interaction takes place.

“Oh?” Violet says curiously.

“We’re all wondering what powers–if any–you’re wielding from the golden dragon?” She smiles, a perversion of kindness. 

Sgaeyl’s growl rumbles through my mind, low and threatening.

“Nothing yet. Andarna told me that feathertails are known for being unable to channel power to their rider. It’s why they don’t bond often.”

What a smooth little liar Violence is.

“Or ever,” Colonel Aetos adds. “We were actually hoping that you might ask your dragon to allow us to study her. For purely academic purposes, of course.”

Nausea rolls through me at the thought of any of them getting their hands on Andarna, a sentiment clearly shared by Sgaeyl.

“I will slaughter them all if they mention her name again.” 

“Easy there, tiger, no one is going to let them near her.”

“Dark One,” She snarls in warning. 

I decide it’s in my best interest to stay quiet. 

“Unfortunately. I don’t see her being comfortable with that. She’s pretty private, even with me.” Violet says with a shrug

“Pity,” Colonel Aetos says simply. “We’ve had the scribes on it since Threshing, and the only reference they can find in the Archives about the power of feathertails is hundreds of years old, which is funny because I remember you father doing a bit of research about the second Kroblan uprising, and he mentioned something about feathertails, but we can’t seem to find that time.” He scratches his forehead in thought.

They all look at Violet expectantly. “I don’t believe he finished his research on that particular historical event before he died, Colonel Aetos. I couldn’t even tell you where his notes are.”

“Too bad.” General Sorrengail tries to smile, it looks more like a grimace. “Glad to see you’re alive, Cadet Sorrengail.” The general’s gaze shifts to me and our eyes lock for the briefest moment. I smooth my features into a mask of cool indifference. “Even if the company you’re forced to keep is more than questionable.”

My whole body feels poised to strike, something instinctual trying to overtake the calm, easy facade I have in place. “I always felt that we resolved any of those questions years ago.” I say quietly, willing myself to breathe evenly, to not allow my hands to shake

“Hmmm” She hums and turns away from Violet and I. “Do see if you can master some kind of signet, Cadet Sorrengail. You have a legacy to live up to.” She dismisses us both, walking past without a backward glance.

“Good to see you, Violet.” Colonel Aetos says to Violet with a pitying smile. Pancheck ignores the both of us, scurrying off to catch up to General Sorrengail.

Without a word Violet stomps up the stairs, her whole body exuding anger.

“You didn’t tell her about how you got out of the attack in your bedroom, and I’m not talking about me showing up.” 

“I don’t ever see her. And you told me not to tell anyone.”

“Didn’t realize it was quite like that between you,” I say softly, a pang of sympathy hitting me in the chest.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” She says nonchalantly, “She spent almost an entire year ignoring me when Dad died.” A bitter laugh rips from her throat. “Which was almost as wholesome as the years she spent barely tolerating my existence because I wasn’t perfect like Brennan or a warrior like Mira.”

“She doesn’t know you very well, then.” I lengthen my strides to keep up with Violet’s furious pace.

She scoffs incredulously. “Or she sees right through me. Problem is, I’m never quite sure which it is. I’m too busy trying to live up to whatever impossible standard she sets to ask myself if they’re even standards I give a shit about.” She swings her angry gaze to me. “And what was that about anyway? Saying that you resolved questions years ago?”

“Just reminding her that I paid the price for my loyalty.” It’s a nonanswer, but it’s the only answer I’m willing to give her. 

“Paid what price?” Of course Violet can’t keep well enough alone.

“Boundaries, Violence.” I warn, the phantom sting of each scar in the forefront of my memories.

Tairn and Sgaeyl both land across the field, Andarna tucking herself between Tairn’s legs.

Violet’s face breaks into a smile so bright that I’m momentarily stunned.

“We’re all flying today?” She asks as we walk toward the trio.

“We’re all learning today. You need to learn to stay on, and I need to learn why the hell it’s so hard for you. Andarna needs to learn how to keep up, Tairn needs to learn how to share his space in a tighter flight formation, and every other dragon but Sgayel is too scared to fly closer.” 

Tairn blows a puff of steam out of his nostrils in agreement.

“And what is Sgaeyl learning?” She asks, her eyes fixed on the navy scaled dragon. 

I grin at Sgaeyl. “She’s been leading for almost three years now. She’s going to have to learn how to follow. Or at least practice. 

Tairn makes a laughing sound deep in his throat and Sgaeyl whirls on him, snapping her teeth at his teasing. 

“Dragon relationships are absolutely incomprehensible.” Violet murmurs under her breath.

“Yeah?” I turn to her, cocking a brow. “You should try a human one sometime. Just as vicious, but less fire.” I run up Sgaeyl’s foreleg, twisting at the last second to swing my leg over the dip in her shoulder and settle into my seat. “Now let’s go.” 

#fourth wing #fanfiction #xaden riorson #violet and xaden #violet sorrengail #xadenviolet #fourth wing fanfic #sgaeyl #tairn and sgaeyl #liam mairi #dain aetos #andarnanurran #tairn and andarna #andarna #violet and tairn #xaden and sgaeyl #xaden and violet #mira sorrengail #rhiannon matthias #tairn #tairneanach

[footy-fictionist]

Lazy day - Karim Adeyemi

Pairing: Karim Adeyemi x female reader

Warnings: sugar sweet fluff, some badly translated German

Word count: 1781

Note: As always, English is not my first language. I wanted to write something really cute and I think it turned out just right. Again, I don't know Karim and I have no clue what he is really like, so this is purely fiction. I just can't help but write for this adorable, handsome and underrated man. Please do not copy and/or publish my work, reblogging is totally fine.

The first few days after Karim got injured were very hard. They had to make sure how severe the injury was and how long he would be out for. Then Karim had to come to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t be able to play with the team and that he would miss the important return game against Chelsea. He was more than determined to be back as fast as he could. But she wouldn’t be his girlfriend if she didn’t tell him he would need to take it slow and not rush anything. Getting back too early could mean getting a worse injury than before. That didn’t stop Karim though, you could find him around the training ground every single day to help out or to train. 

Where she thought he would have some more time to spend with her, he only had even less time than before. She doesn’t hold it against him though, she understands his need to help out where he can. So everyday she makes sure she has everything ready for him to take to the training ground. Which means she gets up earlier to start on breakfast and for making his lunch. Karim is usually still asleep and she lets him get the rest he needs. Recovery is always better with enough sleep and rest. 

So when she hears her alarm go off a week after Karim got injured, she gets ready to quietly slip out of his hold to start on breakfast. And as she softly grabs his wrist to move his arm from around her waist, she stills when he puts his arm right back where it was before. She waits a minute or two before she tries again, but no luck. She carefully turns around in Karim’s hold and finds him with his eyes still closed. She lets her eyes rake over his face, taking in all of his features. She lifts a hand to softly trace over his eyebrows, taking in the arch of his nose and the shape of his lips. 

Her fingers trace from his eyebrows to the side of his face, over his cheek until she reaches those lips. Her thumb runs over his top lip and she feels him purse his lips to press a kiss to her thump. It tickles a little and makes her release a soft giggle. His eyes open a little to look at her sleepily. She admires the sleepy look in his big brown eyes, along with the twinkle that is always present when he looks at her. She’s always liked his eyes best, they really show her everything about his feelings. She gives him a soft smile, removes her thumb from his top lip and presses a feather light kiss to the exact same spot her thumb was on a few seconds before. She feels the way Karim’s lips curve into a smile. She goes to pull away from him again to start breakfast, but he wraps both of his arms around her this time.

“Where are you going? Don’t leave!”

The way he said it was almost desperate. She is confused, he isn’t usually like this in the mornings. 

“I’m getting up to make your breakfast and pack your lunch. I’m assuming you want to go to the training ground again today.” 

He shakes his head at her words, which confuses her even more than before. 

“I’m not going today, Schatz. I’ve been there everyday for the past week. I want to stay with you today, quality time. You also have the day off right?”

“They told you to take more rest, didn’t they? And yes, it’s my day off too.”

He looks at her a little sheepishly, she definitely caught him. He went to the training ground so much that they almost threatened him to stay home. They did eventually manage to convince him to listen to them. The reason being that they questioned if his girl was okay with him being gone everyday. It hit him that he hasn’t spent much time with her lately, yet she never complained about him being gone. So he agreed with the staff and decided to stay home a bit more, to rest and to spend time with his girlfriend.

“Okay, you caught me. But what I said is also true. I know I’ve been gone a lot lately, more than before. You never complain about it, even though you must be a little annoyed. So I promise now, that I’ll be home more and that I won’t be going to the training ground every single day.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that. I don’t complain because I know how hard this injury is on you and that you just want to do as much as possible to help out. I can only admire that, my love. You’re so passionate and I love seeing you do what you love the most. So don’t worry, I will always have your back, even when you’re busy. Because I love you.”

Karim pulled her even closer. Legs tangling (carefully as to not hurt him), foreheads touching. He whispers back how much he loves her and how she’s the absolute best thing that has ever happened to him. They stay like that for a long time, this time with Karim admiring every single one of her features. It’s calm and peaceful and everything they both needed. They soon enough fall back asleep, completely tangled up in each other. And if anyone would see them together like this, they would know. Know that they are meant for each other, heartbeats and breathing in sync. 

After another hour or two of sleeping, they both wake up and they just softly talk about the past week. Anything that comes to mind. He shares his stories of the training ground, whilst she talks about work and what her friends were up to, they always have the best gossip. They don’t get to do this often, so they really make the most of this time together. They get out of bed once they hear Karim’s stomach rumble. She laughs once she hears it, whilst he looks at her sheepishly. They get out of bed but instead of walking out of the room, Karim walks up to her. He puts his hands on her hips and she thinks he’ll kiss her, but instead he throws her over his shoulder. A scream leaves her mouth before she starts laughing. She smacks his bum a few times in the hope he lets her go, but he doesn’t and just carries her all the way to the kitchen. 

He sits her down on the countertop and moves so he’s standing between her legs. A few chuckles still leave her lips and he’s just admiring the joy on her face. He makes a mental note to do more spontaneous things, just to see the joy on her face like this. He presses a kiss to the apple of her cheek. She puts her hands to the back of his neck and pulls him closer to press a kiss to his lips. They kiss for a bit longer, the rumble of her stomach making them both laugh. She gets off the countertops and grabs everything she needs to make breakfast. Once she has everything, Karim doesn’t leave her side. He’s always touching her in some way. 

She hands him his pancakes before they move to the couch, where they put on one of their favourite shows. They sit close together and finish their breakfast within minutes. She puts the plates on the coffee table, before moving back to her spot beside Karim, throwing her legs over his. She grabs his arm, moves closer to his side and cuddles his arm close to her chest. He looks down her way, only to catch the way she leans her head on his shoulder. He intertwines their fingers and asks her if there is a film she’d love to see. She tells him about the new film she heard about and he puts it on the tv. 

Somewhere halfway through the film, the doorbell rings. She looks up confused and Karim just shrugs. He pauses the film and she gets up to walk to the front door. She mentally celebrates that she’s looking a little decent once she opens the door. There is a delivery man in front of the door with a huge bouquet of flowers. The man sends her a smile and hands the flowers to her. She asks him if he’s sure they are for her and he nods at her before wishing her a nice day. She admires the multicoloured bouquet and finds a note between the flowers. She grabs it and reads it. 

Für meinen Schatz. Ich liebe dich.  Dein Karim. 

A few tears fill her eyes as she walks back to the living room.

“You silly man! You got me flowers, for what?”

“Just because. A small way to show you that I love you. I feel like I haven’t done that enough lately.” 

She lays the flowers on the table as a sob leaves her lips, before climbing onto his lap and burying her face in the crook of his neck. She can’t stop repeating the words ‘I love you’ and he smiles whilst softly rubbing her back. 

“Do you like them, mein Schatz? These are happy tears right?”

“I love them, Karim. You really didn’t have to do this. I know you love me. And I love you. Of course they are happy tears, you always make me happy!”

They stay like that for a little while longer. Eventually Karim turns the film back on whilst they’re snuggled up. She leaves between films to put the flowers in a vase. They continue the day with a few more films and some junk food (where they both agree not to tell anyone). When the time comes around for dinner, she gets up and goes to the kitchen to make Karim’s favourite. He follows her soon enough, not wanting to be away from each other for too long. They eat dinner at the dinner table and decide to play some board games to end the day. Both are incredibly competitive so they play until they’re tied in winnings. 

They get ready for bed together and do some skincare. Or she does skincare and forces Karim to do some as well. When they’re snuggled up in bed, they are content with their day. They both give some kisses to each other’s skin, their way of thanking each other for the day. They fall asleep with smiles on their faces, having had the best day together.

(Mein) Schatz: (my) babe/treasure/dearFür meinen schatz: for my treasure/dearIch liebe dich: I love youDein Karim: your Karim

#karim adeyemi x reader #karim adeyemi x female reader #karim adeyemi imagine #karim adeyemi one shot #karim adeyemi fanfic #football imagine #football imagines #football one shot

[spicechica]

Ernst Robinson x Fem Reader AU Part 2

“Poor girl. I couldn’t imagine a young one like her surviving in a place like this,” their mother whispers. “We supposed she must be from a previous shipwreck. But, I don’t think she has any memory of it,” replied Fritz. You stare out at the half sunken ship in the middle of the sea, feeling as if it’s history repeating itself. You, a young child, barely a teenager, washed up on this island with no memory, no knowledge, and just a large antique chest that had warped from water damage, along with a few pieces of wreckage from the ship that had washed up as well. It was a mystery though how you possibly survived. 

“Now sweetie, how long have you been here?”Their mother asked. “I don’t know…It’s hard to keep count after so long.”, “Well, do you know your age?” You shake your head in response. You knew you must have been around eight when you first washed up on the island, but with no calendar or watch you never really kept track of your age span. From the look of you though, you must have been about fourteen or fifteen, but who knows, you couldn’t even remember your own birthday if you wanted to. 

“They said you needed help…I could help you if you want.” You stutter with your words, still unsure if you should trust these people. “I say you only have a few days before that ship is gone. If you could try to collect supplies, I could help you survive.” “Yes, thank you. Boy’s come with me.” Ernst and Fritz go with their father to the ship to collect supplies while you stay back with their mother and sister. 

After a couple of hours, and a few trips back and forth from the ship, you were able to help them set up a small tent from some old wreckage and a large cloth, also starting up a fire for them to keep warm. It was strange. These people were different then you imagined, they were kind, sweet, and welcoming….a family. You forgot what that was like. 

You sigh and shake your head, you couldn’t get too soft around these people. “Thank you, for helping us today.” Ernst sits next to you, offering you a piece of fruit he collected from the ship earlier. You take the offering, but scoot away a little. “It’s a miracle you survived here for so long. How did you do it?” You stay silent for a moment until you finally respond. “Well, I didn’t do it alone.” Ernst turns his head in confusion. “When I first washed up, I had no memory of where I came from or how I got here. The only clues I had were an old chest engraved with a name, and…this.” You pull out a small gold locket from under your clothes, opening it showing an old baby photo that had slowly faded over the years. 

“I remember I cried that day. I was so young, and so clueless, I knew I wasn’t going to survive a night. In the beginning, I was just eating whatever I could find or reach. I was tired, weak, and always had to sleep on the beach because I was too afraid an animal would eat me.”

“That sounds terrifying,” Ernst said. “It was. Until, I met someone. An island folk. He was tall and dark and carried a spear on his back. I thought he would hurt me, but he didn’t seem to be bothered. He didn’t speak any English either. I remember following him everyday, watching as he caught and killed things for food, watching as he sharpened and mended his knives and spear.”

 “I then tried myself. Practicing everyday how to catch a fish without falling into the water or it slapping me in the face.” You and Ernst both chuckled. “After a while, I was able to adapt to the island and survive. I was able to build my place in the trees and hunt my own food. But soon, the man left, and I haven't seen him since.” 

“So, some mystery man you met one day helped you survive.” You nod in response. Ernst scoffed in disbelief. “I’m just surprised, girls are usually terrified and weak-” Ernst screeches as you begin to squeeze his hand with your strong grip, cutting his circulation. “OW! OW!, Okay, Okay!” Ernst gasps as you let go, watching as the color in his head turns back to normal. “I guess I was wrong.” He chuckled. 

You give him a small smile as you roll your eyes, taking another large chunk from the fruit, the juices running down the sides of your mouth. You didn’t really have any proper table manners.

*Thank you all for the love and support on my last post. I'm thinking of making this into a full fanfiction. If you have any other story ideas or headcanons my inbox is open 😊*

PART 1

#Ernst Robinson x reader #stranded 2002 #stranded #ernst robinson #neil newbon #fanfic #island au #fanfiction #astarion #AU #Ernst with an island girlfriend #What's better than that 😩 #fyp

[onigiriforears]

hi shayla! which jlpt level are you at right now? I’m trying to get back into it after a year off from studying (I was around N2 before shit hit the fan) and it’s going uhhh 🙃🙃🙃🙃

hi!!! im so happy to see some messages in here 🤗🤗

big mood...i was also in between N3 and N2 before shit hit the fan for me medically 💀 i took the N3 this year bc it was my first time taking it since 2018 and i got accommodations this time around. I wanted to see how I'd feel in the exam again bc apparently i was sick af the first time i took it 💀💀

i also had to take some time off from actively studying from 2019-2021 and finally got back in the swing of things when i built my japanese discord server--having the community of ppl who were also studying or who were also looking to not feel so alone with their studies has been encouraging! and we have all sorts of ppl w different backgrounds in there. it's comforting to know that i can send a message saying which answers i got wrong on a practice test and that i need help understanding why i was wrong.

💪it can definitely be hard to get back into the swing of it, though, bc i noticed how things i was previously strong at were just BLANK and i had to retake notes on a ton of things--the worst part was that i was using the grammar points and vocab just fine verbally, but when i was trying to write, it was like i knew nothing. i hope that you're able to feel comfortable with studying again. IM CHEERING YOU ON! and if you're somebody that's in my discord server, THE WHOLE SERVER IS CHEERING YOU ON!!

one of the other things that helped me get back into the swing of things was reading (and our bookclub)--i've always loved reading, but slowly adding in reading in japanese was making it to where i had to actively keep looking up things bc i wanted to actually understand new grammar points and vocab instead of just gleaning it from context clues.

i told myself this time around that no matter what the result is, i'll still be taking the n2 as the next jlpt i take bc im still studying towards it.

YOUVE GOT THIS! don't put too much pressure on yourself--dont overload yourself. i have this little index card with my supposed study plan for the jlpt that i put up on the wall above my desk last year--HA--it seemed feasible at the time, but i quickly realized that it was taking too much on me. that meant i'd probably be hardcore studying like 4 hours a day, everyday...

to anyone else reading: all the little things count as studying too: you dont have to use a textbook or a workbook for you to learn something.

#onigiri answers #onigiri thoughts #jlpt #studying #language immersion #asks #answers #japanese #learn japanese #come join the discord server

[kookieswan]

Handlebars - Rupture

Biker!Jungkook x Receptionist!Reader (f)

Word Count: 2.2k

Genre: Biker AU, Gang AU, relatively Angsty this time around, some Fluff!

Warnings: Talk of Jungkook’s job in the gang (tracking/torturing/killing people). Bodily harm - Jungkook has a few scrapes and bruises. Reminder Jungkook and MC are morally gray characters.

Notes: Ahhh this was a fun one to write. I do love an angst train after all. Please note that this is a direct continuation of ‘Handlebars - Bitter’ , which can be found here! Also, there are references to events in Damage. It’s not necessary to read but it could give some context clues!

Find the Handlebars Masterlist here! 🔥

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Meet me at my place around 8 tonight, I have some shit to say and I know you do too. See you later.’

You re-read the message once, twice, three times and it still unsettles you. This, whatever’s coming, it’s either going to start something new or put everything to an end… And that scares the living shit out of you.

After Jungkook and Bossman had practically flew out of the shop, you had finished your shit without issue and wandered home… Only to cry into your pillow for a solid hour. The crying had stopped when Jungkook texted, only to be replaced with boiling anger.

Anger that turned into confusion as you slowly got ready to head out because honestly, what are the two of you even doing? Fucking and then cuddling for hours, insisting that it’s nothing more than a fling of some sort. Not anymore, you want more and you’re going to get it from that stupidly stubborn airhead.

Thoughts of him being so lovely, holding you close and mumbling sweet nothings into your ear had played back in your head when you left the house. When you get into your car. On the ride to his apartment. Now, as you stand rigidly outside of his front door.

Letting out a breath you’ve been holding for much too long, you raise a hand a knock gently on the only think keeping you from Jungkook. It doesn’t take long, a beat or two, and the door cracks open. He stands on the other side, tall and strong and familiar, and it makes you want to curl into yourself.

“Hey…” The first think you notice is that Jungkook looks unbelievably tired. Dark circles under his eyes, a few new poorly cleaned scrapes littering his pretty face, chapped lips bitten raw. It makes you frown, but you nod quietly in acknowledgement and step into his flat and kick your heels off without question. Whatever Hoseok had planned for them earlier must have been daunting, but you won’t ask. Not right now.

Jungkook walks past you, arm brushing yours just barely, but it’s enough to make you shiver. He doesn’t notice though, waddling toward the living room with a somewhat concerning limp. If your mind is muddled, it’s likely his looks like a tornado right now form the day he’s had.

“We can, uh… sit in the living room if you want.” His awkwardness almost makes you crack a smile. Almost. It’s not everyday you see Jungkook Jeon acting anything less than loud and brash, but you can always mark it on your calendar later.

Glancing around, you notice that nothing really looks different from when you were here last. The house mostly clean, a few papers scattered on the counter, a new action figure sitting on his desk… But beside that, everything remains the same.

You wander close as he sits down on the couch, and deciding that you need to see his face, that he needs to see yours, you sit on the chair that corners it. Jungkook noticeably frowns, eyes weary as he observes you, likely in the same way you’re doing to him. It’s strange, how badly you want to reach out and touch him, to reassure him, but you refrain. He needs to know that you’re serious.

“Okay, well… We need to talk about this, about us. Before we even get into anythin, I didn’t mean to snap at you earlier. I was just… Havin a hard time. I’m sorry.” You’ve long since forgiven him for that, you shouldn’t have been antagonizing him in the first place, even if it can be a bit of fun. Your motives weren’t just to tease like they usually are, they were to kill. Bringing your legs up, you crisscross them in the chair and sigh.

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have been messing around with you anyway. But I need you to know that I’m serious about this- About us being together. If you’re not then we need to stop seeing each other because I can’t keep this up anymore.” His eyes had been unfocused before, but they cut to you so quickly it almost makes you flinch. Jungkook looks panicked by he notion, mouth hanging open slightly before he shakes his head quickly.

“No, no… It’s not that I’m not serious about you or that I don’t want you. I do, I want you so fuckin’ bad but…” The ‘but’ hangs heavily in the air as you stare each other down, but you’ve also gotten the confirmation you were looking for. He does want you, bad enough to fight himself for it. However, something tells you as he cracks his knuckles, rubs the back of his neck, plays with a piece of his hair that you’re not going to like where he’s taking this.

“I need you to understand my perspective, alright? If anyone catches wind that I so much as care about you a tiny bit, we’re fucked.” You want to be sympathetic, really you do, but this is the same spiel he’s given you a hundred times over. Maybe it’s different words, slightly more frantic and with deeper meaning, but you’ve heard it before and you’re done.

“I don’t fucking care.” It slips out before you can really think about it, with more venom than you want, but it’s true. Jungkook’s eyebrows raise as he scoots closer to you, clearly not entertained by your outburst.

“What do you mean you don’t fuckin care?! You could be put in real fuckin danger sweetheart, especially now with other assholes tryin to move in on our turf. I’m tryin to keep you safe.” He’s practically off the couch now, leaning into your space and gesturing wildly to try and prove a point. It’s a point you don’t want to listen to though, so like the brat you are, you ignore it.

“No Jeon, I’m serious. I don’t care, and I want to be with you and that’s fucking that you absolute fuck-head. Where would I be safer if not by your side, huh?” And that’s the point you’ve been trying to make all this time. Does he really think you won’t be safe with him? You know the shit he’s done, you’ve heard whispers, snippets from Bossman. You know what you’re getting into. Jungkook shakes his head wildly again, voice starting to raise and become slightly more desperate sounding.

”By my side, by yourself, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter! You’ll be a god damn walkin’ target for people to snipe at!” He isn’t wrong, and you know that. But it’s kind of like that already anyway, working for Hoseok is a bit of a risk itself, and you’ve found yourself in bad situations more than once. Shifting in your seat, you go to respond before his voice rings out quietly.

“… I don’t want anyone to hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself if I let you get hurt.” It comes out so sincere and full of worry that it makes you pause. Emotions overwhelm you, but you push back the choked up feeling that’s starting to rise and grab for his ink covered hand instead.

“Baby, no one’s gonna hurt me, okay? Not when my potential boyfriend would willingly chop their fingers off, or my boss would threaten to eat them alive. Alright?” He looks at you sharply at the mention of fingers as you idly play with his, clearly he’s surprised that you found out. You have your ways though, especially since Hoseok is getting just as fed up with Jungkook as you are… He’s a bit of a blabbermouth, that one.

It made you stop and think when you heard about it, Bossman casually mentioning Jeon removing another man’s fingers for touching you. Maybe you should have ran, maybe you should have never looked back. Instead, it made you smile; feel protected and safe, and what more could you ask for?

It’s calm for a while, both of you sitting silently and trying to calm down as you hold Jungkook’s large hand in your smaller one. You notice that a few of his tattoos look different now that you can see them properly, some covered, some touched up. Running a finger over them, he watches you with wide sparkly eyes before his words come out almost guarded, maybe even a little scared.

“You actually want to date me? A guy that eagerly tracks people down and tortures them? My lifestyle isn’t pretty, and it never will be _____.” Grabbing his hand again and gripping it tightly, you tug at it a bit to get his attention. He almost looks lost, unsure, like he’s losing the battle he’s so desperately trying to win for whatever reason.

“What, do you think I’m gonna be scared of you now or something? I wouldn’t have even fucked you in the first place if I cared about that shit Jungkook. Think about it, I work for Hoseok, and that man is more than a little unhinged.” It’s a known fact that you’ve done questionable things for Bossman in the past, and you’d do them again without issue. He continued to stare as you sigh, bringing his hand up to quickly kiss his bruised knuckles.

“I’m not asking for a pretty life or for you to change at all Jungkook, I’m just asking for you to please let me in. Please.” It dawns in you how much you miss his smile as his frown tightens, his eyes guarded as he lamely tries to tug his hand away. Instead, you hold on tighter, scooting even closer to him as his next words come out.

“I’ve killed people, and I’ll do it again. Today, after we fought, I beat someone bloody for my job, they’re still tied up in the back of Thirteen right now.” Not being able to help it, you roll your eyes and scoff. Jungkook, in turn, actually looks slightly shocked by your action, his tugging stopping as he lets his hand be held without restraint again. Good.

“No really? I had no fucking clue. Listen here dumbass. I. Don’t. Care. You could disembowel someone right in front of me and I’d still care about you all the same. Look, I want to date, be and item, boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever the fuck you want to call it.” There it is. What you want, what you know he wants. He won’t say it, but there’s no way that your relationship hasn’t moved past fucking into more familiar territory.

He gives you a dirty look at first but with a final sigh, he runs his free hand through his long hair, gripping for something to say. You allow him to think, to try and collect himself, because you came here with a plan of streak and he don’t fighting back against it very well. Bad for him, good for you.

“You really want me? Even with all the downfalls that come with being together? Knowing I could get taken out any time, that you could be targeted?” It’s said slow, calculated, the final barrier of his defense falling away in front of your eyes. With one final push, you manage to make it all crinkle to the ground. Somethings caused him to be defensive like this, that dawns on you now… But again, that’s something for another time.

“Yes Jungkook, I seriously, more than anything want to be with you as more than a fuck buddy. Have wanted to for a while unfortuna-“ He pulls you forward without warning into his arms, your thighs in either side of his legs as a hand comes up to cradle your face before he’s kissing you.

It’s a hard kiss at first, your teeth nearly clanking as he molds his mouth to yours. It softens rather quickly though as he pulls you closer to him, the sound of surprise that leaves you turning into a content sigh. You settle on his lap to get more comfy, his eyes on fire as you pull back from the unexpected but welcome kiss.

Jungkook continues to hold your face, a thumb running over your jaw so softly you can barely feel it. His eyes dove over your face, up and down, as if checking for something before the edges of his lips finally curve upward. Only slightly, but enough to make you grin back at him.

“Then let’s do it. You and me, a thing. Let’s do it, but understand that once you’re mine, you’re mine baby. Anyone looks at you wrong and they’re fuckin gone without a trace.” Instead of being horrified, his words make you giggle giddily. He’d do anything for you, and as you press quick kisses against his adorable cheeks, you realize you’d do the exact same.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way Jeon. Now come on, let’s clean up those cuts properly and then we can go cuddle for the rest of the night, and tomorrow we can go on a proper date, hm?”

#handlebars #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook gang au #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts fluff #bts angst #bts biker au #bts gang au

[purple-plum-petals]

Is it alright if I request something with Sunrise and Moondrop where a quiet and kinda anti-social reader who has a hard time expressing themselves is the new daycare security guard and always comes in with a galaxy themed skateboard tucked under their arm that they place behind the desk everyday, learning that reader skateboards to work then the first day of one week reader is a little late and they're not carrying their skateboard.

Reader comes in the rest of the week without their board and after their days off reader has a new skateboard they come in with, just like when Sunrise and Moondrop first saw reader and their skateboard the image on the bottom of the board they have tucked under their arm is visible, the new board has a design based on Sunrise at one end and a design based on Moondrop on the other, the board is daycare attendant themed, thing is the Pizza Plex doesn't sell skateboards that have Sun or Moon on them, the two learn when one of them asks reader about it that reader made said skateboard, with reader stating honestly they think the two are coolest, basically revealing that out of all the animatronics Sunrise and Moondrop are reader's favorites.

Could be headcanon, could be drabble or whatever, I'm not picky about it so just do whatever you find easiest for this. Hope you have a good week and thanks for taking the time to read this.

—⊱ The Creative Grind ⊰ || Sun/Moon X Skater!Reader Drabble

╭─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╮       Character(s): Daycare Attendant, Sun and Moon (FNaF: Security Breach)        Reader Type: Human (Gender-Neutral Pronouns)        Warning(s): None!        Genre: Drabble/Scenario, Fluff, Platonic or Romantic Relationship        Word Count: ~2,000 words        Brief Request Summary: How would Sun and Moon react to a Reader who customizes their own skateboards doing a design of them and then telling them that the two of them are the Reader’s favorite animatronics in the Pizzaplex?        Author’s Note: This was a pretty long request and my brain skipped over so many different parts of it, so I’m very sorry for that. I somehow completely missed the personality you wanted the Reader to have and made them a bit more upbeat than you probably wanted them to be; they could still be interpreted as being asocial since the only people they talk to are Sun and Moon, but that wasn’t intentional on my part haha. I had a fun time writing this since I don’t know how to ride a skateboard nor could I ever ride one, so it was kind of cool imagining a Reader who was really talented at skating. I hope captured at least a little bit of the idea you were going for!

      → If you enjoyed my work, please reblog it if you can! Exposure on Tumblr is based on reblogging content rather than liking it, so your support would be much appreciated!  ♡ ╰─━━━━━━━━━━━━─╯

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              Working as the security guard in the daycare wasn’t nearly as bad as everyone made it out to be. Your fellow employees were always talking about how they found the Daycare Attendant annoying and overbearing (or off-putting and creepy in Moon’s case). While Sunrise was a bit more… energetic than most people you knew, he certainly wasn’t a bad person animatronic; if anything, Sunny was one of the kindest and most genuine individuals out there! When it came to Moon, you had no clue why he made others uneasy – he was very sweet and actually quite shy when it came to interacting with others. Was it because of all the stories of children who he made cry by simply telling them to go to sleep for naptime or go sit in timeout for breaking a rule? Eh, it didn’t matter. You loved your coworkers dearly and they were, hands down, your favorite animatronic(s) in the establishment. What’s cooler than a celestial-themed daycare attendant?

              You had gotten to work on time in the manner you usually did – by skateboard. You had been skating for years now and you could, without any doubt at this point, say you were pretty good at it. After taking off your helmet and other protective gear and shoving in your backpack along with your sad excuse for a lunch, you grabbed your board and tucked it under your arm as you made your way into the Pizzaplex.

              Once you were clocked in and dressed in uniform, you began making your way to the Superstar Daycare a little early so you could spend some time with your favorite bots. It took every ounce of control in your body to not ride your board the entire way there – you would have, but you didn’t really feel like being reprimanded again for “disobeying your superiors”. Despite how shady the company was, it did pay well and you enjoyed what you did; you didn’t need to give them yet another reason to fire you. As you walked towards your station in the daycare, your eyes traveled down to the galaxy-themed paint scheme on the bottom of your board. It was beautiful, that much you could say with certainty, but it seemed almost… lifeless? Ordinary? Anyone could buy a board that looked like this – it wasn’t unique. Though, as soon as you opened the doors to the daycare, your eyes landed on your favorite animatronic and, suddenly, a new idea for a board design came to you.

              You knew exactly what you wanted your next project to be.

              You had been a bit more… giddy than you usually were so early in the morning the days leading up to the big reveal. Sun took notice of your strange behavior but had chosen not to say anything – he was happy to see you happy especially so early in the morning! You loved customizing boards and usually modified a new one every couple of months, excitedly showing Sun and Moon your latest design with a smile on your face. Sun knew it had been at least three months since you finished your galaxy-themed board, so he wondered if you got around to designing a new one – you had been pretty busy with work as of late.

              It was nearly a full month before you finally finished your best piece yet. On the bottom of your new board was a hand-painted image of your beloved Sunrise and Moondrop with stars and stripes littering the spaces between the two figures. It was immensely detailed and took a lot longer than your usual boards did, but you didn’t mind – this was certainly now your favorite piece in your entire collection.

              Today was the big day, and you were so excited to show them the finished piece! You hastily rushed to the daycare, excited to show Sun your board. You ignored the strange glances from coworkers as you rushed through the complex, opting out of clocking in for the time being since you were nearly a whole thirty minutes earlier than you needed to be (they didn’t want to pay you for being early, so you were expected to clock-in exactly when you needed to).

              You threw open the double doors to the daycare, rushing in and closing them behind you with a light thud. Sun had been preparing the first fun activity of the day when you came in, startling him slightly; he was surprised to see you so early, especially since you didn’t start your shift until 9:00. Sun stopped what he was doing immediately to greet you like he always did (with a hug), exclaiming, “Sunshine! I’m so glad to see you! What brings you here this early, hm?”

              “I wanted to show you my new board – I think that this one is my best one yet!” You said, going over to your desk and placing your backpack on the floor underneath as you kept your skateboard pressed tightly against your chest in order to hide the illustration painted on the bottom. Sun was excited to finally be able to see the design you had spent so much time on. He was quite giddy himself seeing how excited you were; usually, it was his energy rubbing off on you, not the other way around!

              You looked at him with a smile, taking note of how he was swaying back and forth with anticipation. You told him, pointing at him with your dominant hand, “Okay, cover your eyes – no peeking until I tell you to look!”

              Sun did as you asked, not questioning why, and waited patiently for you to give the go-ahead. He could hear you giggle lightly as you said, “Okay, Sunny, you can look now!”

              He removed his hands from his eyes, the bells on his wrists jingling as his optics landed on the painting of… him and Moon. He had gone from barely being able to stand still to being as still as a statue. You smiled up at him, eyes shining as you said, “You and Moon mean a lot to me, you know? You’re both my favorite animatronics in the plex – and coworkers, too – so I wanted to paint you two to show how much I care about you guys! Can you try to keep it a secret from Moon, though? I want to surprise him, too.”

              Suddenly, Sun grabbed you, hugging you tightly and spinning you around in his arms happily as the board was still grasped in your hands. He sang out, sounding happier than you’ve ever heard him, “Oh, sunshine! It’s such a beautiful painting – you did an amazing job!” Sun placed you back down on the ground, taking his index finger and poking your nose lightly as he told you, “And don’t you worry – I’ll make sure that Moon doesn’t know what your board looks like; it will be a surprise for him like it was for me!”

              “Thank you, Sunny – I really appreciate it.” You told him, smiling widely before heading to your desk to hide your board underneath; you didn’t want Moon to catch a glimpse of it, but you also didn’t want any of the kids seeing it and breaking their necks when they tried rising it. You took a seat in your chair before remembering that you hadn’t clocked in yet. Sighing out and grabbing your ID and employee pass, you told Sun as you made your way out of the daycare, “Ugh – I’ll be back to help you finish setting things up for the kids, Sunny. Didn’t clock in this morning since I came straight here.”

              “See you in a bit, sunshine!” Sun said, his smile seeming wider than usual as he went back to planning the first activity of the day while you went to make sure you didn’t lose your job for turning up late.

              Moon was quite looking forward to your board and was immensely curious as to what exactly you decided to paint this time around. Sun had blocked out the memory of you showing him the board, something that made Moon even more excited to see what you had been working on for so many months. He glanced back at you briefly from where he was currently tucking a kid in for naptime, watching as you tapped idly on your phone as the screen lit up your face in a light blue hue. He’d need to scold you later for always being on it since it wasn’t good for your eyes to look at it for as long as you did; plus, it lit up the daycare whenever the lights were off (not very well, mind you, but it still could bother the kids trying to get their midday naps in).

              You were playing on your phone, waiting for Moon to finish tucking the kids in, when your phone was plucked from between your fingertips. You looked up to see Moon smiling at you as he pressed the button on the phone, making the screen turn black as he told you, “It’s not good to stare at the screen for that long, you know? Bad for your eyes.”

              Rolling your eyes slightly with a small smirk gracing your features, you told him, “Yeah, yeah – ready to see my board now?”

              “Been waiting all day for the reveal, starlight; excited to see what your mind came up with this time.” Moon told you, punctuating the word mind by poking your forehead lightly with his index finger.

              You just simply swatted his hand away playfully, reading under the desk and grabbing the board as you said, “Okay, okay – close your eyes and only open them when I tell you to. Can you do that?”

              “Hmm... can I?” Moon asked, feigning innocence.

              “Moon…” You warned, giving him a stern look that mimicked that of the parents he sees day in and day out at the Pizzaplex.

              “Okay, okay. Don’t worry – I can’t see a thing.” Moon said, covering his eyes with his hands as he waited patiently for the signal to remove them.

              You shuffled around for a moment or two, turning on your desk lap to make sure that Moon would be able to see the design in such low light. You inhaled, a smile already on your face as you asked him, “Alright, you ready?”

              Moon’s voice box hummed out a simple, “Mhmm” as a response to your question.

              “Open up!” You said as quietly as you could manage considering there were at least twenty kids currently hitting the hay. Moon removed his hands, bells jingling as he placed his hands to his side. He took in the design of the board, looking at the intricate and minute details on the portraits of him and Sun. He didn’t say or do anything for the longest time, just standing there as he stared intently at your paint job. You laughed awkwardly, drawing his attention to your face as you said, “You two mean a lot to me, and I wanted to be able to show that with this. I… I hope you like it – probably my favorite design I’ve ever done.”

              “Like it? I love it, starlight. You did an amazing job.” Moon said, placing his hand on your head and affectionately ruffling your hair.

              Smiling, you said, “Thanks, Moony; I’m happy you like it.” At hearing your conversation, one of the kids began stirring in their sleep, sitting up as they began rubbing their eyes. This caught your attention, so you told Moon as you pointed to the child, “Oh, I think one of the kids woke up.”

              “Hmm, I’ll go tuck them back in. Talk later?” Moon asked expectantly, looking back at you as he began making his way over to the little tot.

              “Yep – talk to you later, Moon. Go get ‘em!” You said jokingly, watching from your desk as he picked the kid up, cradling them in his arms as a lullaby played through the music box in his chest. You looked down at your skateboard again, smiling and leaning back in your chair as pride filled your heart. Maybe you’d do another design of them in the future.

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#🌸 . Plum Writes #💌 . Anon #fnaf x reader #sun x reader #sunrise x reader #sundrop x reader #moon x reader #moondrop x reader #fnaf daycare attendant #daycare attendant x reader #fnaf sunrise #fnaf sun #fnaf moondrop #fnaf moon #security breach sunrise #security breach moondrop #fnaf fanfic #fnaf sun animatronic #fnaf moon animatronic #fnaf sun and moon #fnaf imagines #fnaf fluff

[thankgodformee]

hm… getting the birthday blues even though i tried to keep them at bay best i could. having existential thoughts, depressed thoughts. feeling hopeless and questioning my life, wondering what i’ve even done with my life, but then feel upset and anxious i might stay forever wondering and anxious about doing nothing. i don’t want to live my life that way. i want to be happy about my life. but i’m just not. feeling unaccomplished. constantly questioning my path, anything will sway me off my path and have me wondering hm should i consider that path instead? and want to restart my entire life. i just never know where to go. i have dreams but feel like i don’t have the means or energy to go for them. don’t know where to start. 🤎 i probably need sleep. today has been a strange day. mm.. feeling impatient, but feel i’ve been patient over the years to like observe what it is i want and hoping to fall into something that makes it feel like my life’s work. it just feels like it’s been so long, but i know others often struggle for even longer. it’s just so defeating and discouraging trying to find your footing. i never know what i’m doing. i’d like to feel relief. and like i deserve a break. it’s exhausting to force myself to work and then not do work or be productive, and then everyday is just okay… do your work and it’s 50/50 if i’m going to or not and it’s like when is the weekend when is my day off because even the days i’m not doing work they don’t feel relaxing. 😞😔 feeling so so sad. i’d like a fucking birthday where i feel proud and happy and not have to question myself so hard. i thought i avoided it this year by taking it easy and having time to reflect and peaceful time to myself. but i still feel unhappy. i constantly have the thought and voice in my head ‘what the fuck is she doing’ and i just want to scream i don’t know. it’s the little wins, i know. sometimes i can’t think of a single accomplishment, like i have nothing to show for. who am i? what am i? what am i here for? what will my life encompass? will i just be fretting the entire time and one day i look back and i spent my entire life questioning, regretting, anxious? that scares me so much. i guess i’ve been in a lot of places except the present lately. if i bring myself back to the present, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s important to stay and move through the discomfort. i feel like i have trauma of like my family barking at me while i’m just trying to sit and enjoy the present or like myself and they’re just like ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING’ get your ass up. and idk if it’s real, some of it is probably fantasized, but the terror is real for sure. like please don’t yell at me i’m a scared child, i just want to be and feel protected. i’m sorry. i’m just so scared. i feel loveless. sometimes i feel like my mom fakes her love for me, i’ve always felt like the biggest disappointment to her in all aspects of my life and being. it is a really heavy burden to bear. i don’t know what to do with myself. i don’t know how to be good enough. to anyone. sometimes i think i really know myself and other times i have no idea where to start. have no clue. not having a purpose is extremely difficult. goodnight. sorry for the bad vibes.

[tonya-the-chicken]

But enji doesn’t need to hit rei to make shouto dislike him. My grandpa used to throw things around, bang his hand on things, and scream at my grandma so I was afraid of him without domestic violence ever being involved. That’s why I’m confused about when it all started.

And yeah, absolutely agree about rei. I still think the story should have been told by rei to shouto.

Aaah I get it but like you expect Horikoshi to write a nuanced and detailed depiction of family abuse which I don't think he wants to do. I guess there's not enough relevance to the main plotline and too many characters. It's really a failure of any manga with a similar built where there are a lot of different characters with complex problems but the narrative doesn't have time (or interest) in diving into them so the complex issues end up being a flashback, a background for the character. It's like that with many things because going into details requires both a stance and knowledge that your average overworking storyteller won't have. And the story is already oversaturated

Genuinely, I feel like bnha tries to be a story about the everyday struggles of students and also a deeper look into societal issues. And when you try to do both you end up with neither

But eh back to the topic. Enji likes setting things on fire and trashing the room so that definitely happened. That still sounds like abuse, like, threats and otherwise verbal abuse. Because you kinda imagine you can be the next "thing" he'll hit (at least that's how I feel). You don't necessarily need to hit someone hard or even hit them at all to make them terrified of you or damage them mentally. But again that would require an understanding of how abuse works and what a woman feels in moments like these and I wonder if Horikoshi has that understanding

I mean I fucking hate how fandom depicts Rei all beaten up suffering bruises all over her body when we all fucking know that didn't happen. Why you doing that ddddamn

No one has a clue when he started hitting her and why. Neither time we have shown him slapping her felt like the first time. Eeeeh... It's up to our imagination?

#asks #bnha #bnha manga spoilers #cw abuse #not to myself: answering asks after 22 bad brain doesn't work

[sofeeyuhwang]

november 17th (technically 18 3am.)

hi friends :) i consider us friends now because you have been creepily stalking me for the past month and a half. I think that deserves a title honestly. I’m still sick, but i’m so proud of my immune system. workin overtime everyday, the most it’s been at work since birth probably. I feel like an era is nearing its end, even though i really haven’t gotten official confirmation. But i feel it. And honestly, i don’t know how to feel. Relieved? Excited? Possibly. Lost..? Bittersweet…? maybe. i feel like i experience multiple emotions simultaneously, it’s hard to really understand my emotions and thoughts. i’ve been thinking about life in a few steps ahead than I usually do and i’ve been trying to establish what i want my life in my next era to look like.

i’ve learned so incredibly much abt myself, as well as grown a mind blowing ton, i’m scared i’m not gonna know how to carry myself, how to perceive myself when my day to day no longer looks like what it has been for the past month. i’ve also learned that even though i enjoy being alone alot, having people to talk to is actually not bad either. learning about others life isn’t useless. instead, their stories have inspired me, allowing me to pin things in my mental headspace of what my life could potentially look like. it’s honestly amazing how you can go from not having a single clue about what you want to do in 4 years to having an established past and planned future.

i’ve been incredibly overwhelmed, yet I feel like i’ve handled it better than how i’ve handled stress before. maybe it’s bc ik done with midterms, or maybe bc i’ve actually changed for the better. who knows!

sorry todays blog is rlly j me reflecting and ranting.

[sweetswesf]

Hello hello hello

Sorry I have been away for so long. Recently, a company that has a pretty good reputation told me that I couldn’t push back my onsite with them anymore. I pushed it back every month since it’s originally scheduled date of 4/20/23. I took it this week, 8/29/23. I did okay. I prepped a lot. I went in a hole. I didn’t even go to the gym in the 4-5 days leading up to the interview. I thought I did okay. I got my 2nd coding round in like 5 minutes. Fastest I’ve ever did it. And did it recursively. I took so many practice interviews in the days leading up to it and felt pretty good. They told me they would give me my results. Added exclamation points in it. I felt like I was gonna get it.

I didn’t.

I received another rejection the same day. It happened today so…a few hours ago. Also, because I felt like I got it, I scheduled another interview with another company. The interviewer didn’t even show up.

My head is pounding. I was kind of relieved I didn’t get it, because I didn’t respect the company. It was my company’s rival, and to be honest, one of the reasons why I’m unemployed. They kinda blew us out the water. I also felt like this just meant that I can focus on the companies I really want to be at and can do so without feeling rushed to make a decision. If I got this one today, I would have had to make a hard decision, potentially one out of desperation. However, I would have loved to get it to use as leverage for another company and confirmation that I can get hired by a top tech company. It’s been nos across the board. I am just confused about, let’s say I get a job at a place I don’t want to work, should I wait for the one I want, or take what’s in front of me and use that to get to the one I want later. I’m hoping I don’t have to. I didn’t want to be unemployed, but it had to happen. I just hope I don’t have to take something I don’t want. I’ll still pray regardless and know he has a plan for me. I just hope I can do that with grace. I’ve cried everyday through my unemployment despite knowing that God has a plan for me. It is hard to remember that he’ll work it out…I’m trying…

The interview wasn’t nearly as hard as what I prepared for. And I didn’t get it. Despite getting to resolutions in each round, the feedback was that I didn’t come to the most optimal solution without some probing despite me coming to the solution through talking it through with them and coding it up.

I’ve lost count of how many rejections but 8+ on-site rejections and another 40+ technical rounds that have ended in rejections.

I did pay off my school loans. $15k & some change. I’ve paid off close to $60k total since graduation 10 years ago. I’ve had the money to pay these off for a while, I had just been holding on to it until I got a job. I still haven’t been approved for medi-cal and REALLY don’t want to go back to pay $700+ for health care insurance I’m not even really using. I also went and got my check ups and hair trimmed. I couldn’t put it off anymore. I don’t know when I’m going to get hired. Positive thing: my health is better than it was a year ago and I learned some new things about my hair and the products. I prefer my hair feel and look on the other products though, so I need to figure out something that is a happy medium between the 2. I don’t know if it’s the products or my stress but my skin is BUGGGINNGGG. Despite all this adding a bit of pressure on me, I just believed that God would bless it. I feel so spent, that I was just like, whatever. I even reached out and made peace with my little brother, aunt, family members, and friends that have deserted me during this time. I didn’t tell them what I really wanted to say. I just don’t want anything blocking my blessings and God said do it.

I’m so tired y’all…I LOOK CRAZY. My eyes have bags. But I still get compliments. I appreciate them. I want to tell those people, you have no clue the battles I’m fighting. Every new person I’ve met this year, in some way or another I’ve had to tell them about my situation. I’m getting stronger. I’m toning up. I’m grateful. But my eyes. I just feel very sad so often. I try to remember to have joy as much as possible though.

What sucks is that I keep getting referrals, keep getting opportunities, keep getting reached out to by companies I want to be at…and then I get rejected or they just go radio silent.

The good thing is I haven’t blown it yet with the companies I ACTUALLY want to be at. I feel like God is prepping me for them. I don’t think God is asking me to pursue other fields, but I also don’t know where He is taking me. I have to continue leaning on faith, praying, and waiting. This is truly the hardest time I’ve ever endured. Harder than COVID. Harder than those months of feeling alone on a project in a record cold winter in Buffalo. Your prayers are appreciated. I know my top choice is on the way. I know He’s making a way for me despite everything I’ve been through.

#software engineering #san francisco #python #silicon valley #coding #women in tech #tech #software engineer #black in tech #black women in tech #tech layoffs #codeblr

[sexyvampkitty]

RP Mini-Solo 23: 'A Long Overdue Goodbye Letter'

I'm sitting at the desk in my boyfriend's study...re-reading over a letter for about the millionth time already...a letter that I've just written...a letter that I will probably never send...mostly because I have no clue where to send it to. I don't even know if the particular person...ummm...vampire...in question is even alive or dead at this point...but this was something that I felt just had to be done. Since my emotions are 'slowly' starting to come back...whether I want them to or not...and since it's almost New Year's Eve...I figured it was finally time to tie up some loose ends so that I can start to look ahead to the future...and this is one that should have been tied up a 'long' time ago. With tears now pooling in my eyes...threatening to spill over at any moment...I read over the letter one final time... [Dear Damon 'Hotness' Salvatore, I'm writing this letter to you, to let you know in the nicest way possible, without coming off sounding like a total Bitch, that we're done. It's finally over between us, though, now that I look back on things, I realize that it's been over for a 'long' time, even if I never wanted to admit that to myself before. So, don't bother coming back to Mystic Falls from wherever you happened to disappear off to. I've finally moved on, and I hope, by now, that you've done the same, as hard as it is for me to say that. I'm sorry that I ever hurt you, but you hurt me too, more than you can ever know. You were my first love, and I don't think that I'll ever fully be able to get over you, no matter how hard I try, or how many months, years, decades, or even centuries pass. I still think about you, and miss you, everyday, and that emptiness deep inside me is made all the more painful by the constant memory of what you did to me. You hurt me more than any other man that I've ever been with, my ex husband included and that's not easy, since you're aware of what that bastard did to me. That night, over a year ago now, when I first showed up outside your door and the second that it was opened and I saw you, I fell for you instantly. I know that it was the same for you, since you asked me to be your 'forever girlfriend'. I even asked you to turn me, which, now that I think about it, was probably a bad decision on my part, but, sadly, there's no way to go back and change the past. Also, to this day, I'm not sure that it was entirely my choice. A small part of me thinks that you might have compelled me to agree to the turning, since I was still kind of on the fence about that, even if you've always denied that, but, I guess we'll never know now, will we? Again, the past is past. Anyway, I thought that we'd be together forever. I thought that you were my soul mate, but I guess that I was wrong. 'So' very wrong. We spent three wonderful months together, and I was the happiest that I've ever been in my life, but then, suddenly, things began to change without warning. You would start vanishing for weeks or months at a time, only to pop back up at the house before leaving again after only one day, or maybe a few short hours. I managed to put up with it for a while, until I finally started to lose it to the point where I almost dessicated myself in your basement, waiting for you to come back. After my ex husband dumped me, you left again, after coming back, again, and I haven't heard from you in over six months now. How dare you. How dare you leave me again, without so much as even a simple 'Goodbye', even after promising that we could get back together again someday. I kept holding onto that hope, but now, that hope has finally fizzled out. How dare you, especially after everything that we had and went through together, from the both of us flipping our humanity switches off and beyond. I still can't figure out why you ever started leaving in the first place. Did you ever really love me? Did I do something wrong? No. Wait. I guess we'll never know that now either, huh? Not that it really matters anymore. I still kind of regret breaking up with you to hook up with someone else, but, I was lonely at the time, you weren't around, and I had a needs that were begging to be fulfilled. Of course, we both know how well that turned out, but, I finally managed to stake my bastard of an ex husband, so, I won't have to worry about him anymore, even though he's not very far away from my thoughts either, now that my emotions are starting to seep back in. I waited for you this last time for about six months, once again foolishly hoping that you would come to your senses and return to me so that we could start over. I finally gave up waiting and met someone new. Seriously, I have no idea how long you figured I'd wait for you. Another year? Two? A couple of decades? A century? Nope. I don't think so. Anyway. None of that matters either, because, like I said, I'm with someone else now. I believe that I finally found my true soul mate, the one that I'm meant to be with forever, the man who will treat me the way that I deserve to be treated. He loves me with all his heart, he knows how to accept me as a 'ripper', something that you were never able to do, which is part of the reason why you probably kept skipping out, and, best of all, I know that he'll never leave me. In fact, he promised me that he wouldn't. We even gave each other eternity rings over Christmas, so, there's no doubt in my mind of how real and permanent our relationship is. Oh, and he also has a young daughter, which is confusing, and awkward, seeing as he's a vampire, and adding the fact that I was always telling my ex husband how much I didn't want kids, even after I became pregnant with magical twins, but, I guess it's just something that I'm going to have to get used to. And I will, in time. Anyway, I guess I've bothered you enough and there really isn't anything left to say, so I'm going to end the letter here. Despite everything that happened between us, I wish you all the best and I hope that you finally find the love and happiness that you deserve. I just wish that you could have figured out that it was me the whole time. Goodbye. Sarcasmic] ...With tears now streaming down my cheeks...I angrily snatch the piece of paper from off of the top of the desk...preparing to ball it up and toss it right in the trash...but I pull open a drawer and cram it in there instead. I'm not ready to get rid of the letter just yet...even if I'll probably never figure out where to mail it. I should feel better after writing that and literally pouring my heart out...but...somehow...I just feel worse than I did before. Perfect. Sniffling and wiping the wetness from my face with the back of my hand...I leave the room...head towards the stairs...taking them one at a time...almost as if my legs are weighted down with lead...then I head down the hall to my boyfriend's wing of the house...enter the bedroom...walk the short distance to the bed...climb in...snuggle up next to him...close my eyes...and start to drift off to sleep. Screw all of my ex's. I know that my new man will never hurt me...and that's all the assurance that I'll ever need. [END]

#tvd #roleplay

[dspecjalski]

About Me

My name is Daniel Specjalski and I’m a postgraduate at the University of Portsmouth, studying Digital Media. After several years of Media, going back to Year 8 when I had my first tester lesson, I fell in love with Media studies, and I knew this was something I wanted to take further. I was intrigued and fascinated by how we all consume media on an everyday basis and the majority have no clue about all the thought and time that has gone into creating the media we consume.  All the media you see have been personalised to attract a specific demographic. The concept of it is what inspired me to proceed with the career, being able to create something that can better the world.

There are many values that I strongly stand by, but one of them that I always stand by is to give the same amount of respect that you expect other people to give you in return, no matter what race, disability or age everyone should be treated with the same amount of respect. What motivates me to wake up every single day, is the sacrifice my parents made for me and my sibling to have a better shot at life. As a child of foreigners who immigrated to the UK at a very young age, I had a different view, which has been an eye-opener for me even though I don’t remember the life back home in Poland, I still appreciate the opportunity given. If I had to describe myself in 5 words, I would use hard-working, laid-back, optimistic, loving and ambitious.

What makes me different from other individuals is that no matter any given circumstance, I had to overcome obstacles that mentally challenged me, there were many instances in my life that I thought there was no way out but there is always another path that can be taken. With, me overcoming those mental obstacles I matured mentally, learning key life skills that will be beneficial to me in the foreseeable future. When I was of legal age of employment, I jumped straight into finding myself a part-time job alongside my studies at college, with that I was able to learn my first initial work environment skills such as time management, communication, team working and working under pressure in a busy environment under set deadlines. Also, because I decided to take on those responsibilities, I learned work ethic at a young age which is beneficial as I felt like I wasn’t given any handouts and what I’ve accomplished I can confidently say and be proud that I’ve accomplished on my own. With a couple of years of social media management experience under my belt alongside several years of experience in the Adobe cloud that puts me in a good position post-graduation to strive in my job sector. Working for online organizations and online celebrities, I improved my skills and was further able to understand the work ethic that comes with working in the digital world.