#everyone there is always on about engagement and numbers and i feel like ive been thoroughly vaccinated againt that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nicollekidman · 6 months

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THE WAY YOU BACKTRACK no its just a conspiracy people seeing antisemitism with their own eyes? abby get a grip, you apologize and then you reblog a "actually its just a conspiracy to discredit palestine" like these theories havent been around for millenia

i at no point have backtracked???? you guys have to calm down and like either read the words i’m typing or accept you’re just dying to scold me for some reason and to stop engaging. like i know a disconcerting amount of you are zionists hanging around to just randomly accuse me of antisemitism (there’s a reason i haven’t been publishing those over the last few weeks lmao) but if someone comes to me and says “what is your reaction to this stuff i’ve been seeing” and i say “idk i haven’t been seeing any of that, here is my reaction to what i HAVE been seeing” and i get like six more people saying “no actually we have been seeing this stuff and if you don’t more obviously say you don’t Love Osama Bin Laden then we’re going to assume you love antisemtism!!!” then obviously my first reaction is going to be like. well damn i didn’t realize you guys were seeing this, i better get rid of an upsetting response i made off the cuff based on different information, and apologize for upsetting anyone by the disconnect.

but then the most recent post i recently reblogged is about the VERY SPECIFIC PHENOMENON we’re all currently discussing, where overnight, a prominent grifter twitter journalist wrote about a “viral” tiktok trend where the youth are apparently “praising” a terrorist which again. from the beginning, i have said i have not seen evidence of myself (which is true!!). and if you take a second to step back and ask yourself why on earth this would happen out of nowhere and be reported on like it’s a sweeping trend taking hold of america’s youth (after like 24 hours), on a platform that for weeks i have seen literally only videos from/by young palestinians and young jewish people educating their peers and others…. then maybe those videos are not truthful and organic thoughts from real people.

idk why it’s easier to believe that a platform that has been a huge source of information for the palestinian cause in a way that zionists and other invested groups cannot control is, i cannot emphasize this enough, OVERNIGHT filled with kids who have decided after reading one letter (that has been PULLED by the website citing this specific trend!!) that they love the thoughts of osama bin laden…. rather than accepting that our disdain for both tiktok as a resource and young people as a general group makes us accept that insane idea much more easily than we normally would!!!

i think that young people are capable of rational thought! i also know that writing about tiktok as a breeding ground for concerning trends/incomprehensible viral videos is a sure fire way to get everyone up in arms in a way that i don’t accept as reality! i also know that this whole thing has probably been very concerning for jewish people who don’t want to see antisemitic bigoted hateful vile people given a platform. but what i’m saying and what that post is saying is that insofar as these videos of kids apparently being “on board” with osama exist and are being spread (again. i personally have not seen a single one, so my original post is deleted was not reacting to this type of video) are very likely being created/spread with the intent to discredit tiktok as a platform and bury legitimately educational content.

if all you take from this is that i ❤️ antisemitic conspiracies then fine, i feel like i’ve been clear and at this point engaging further feels like adding fuel to a fire i don’t have any interest in spreading. if anyone feels like im being ignorant and wants to talk to me about it im obviously always open but this particular line of questioning? ive made myself clear and im not buying into the hysteria. young people are, in larger numbers than i have ever seen in my lifetime, mobilizing in their schools and cities and local government to make their voices heard and pressure their politicians for change, every day i see extremely brave people on my tiktok both spreading information and doing their best to get educated responsibly, and my attention and energy is with those kids, not with a likely manufactured hysteria over terrorist lovers that i haven’t seen myself at any point.

#last post!#if youre going to intepret this in bad faith on purpose dont bother!

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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a-romantic--aromantic · 2 years

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tell me more about your experiences in real life aro spaces please *big pleading eyes*

okay so i am notoriously bad at answering asks because i’m on mobile, but i figured i can take a crack at this one

so i actually wasn’t in explicitly aro spaces, but due to the culture in my area, most lgbt individuals didn’t feel that they needed to use the pride spaces to have the ability to express themselves or feel safe. this very quickly led to queer spaces and clubs being full of aspecs. due to luck, i found my queer club was about 30% aro at the start, and about 50% aro halfway through. the more discussions we had about romanticism and amatonormativity and trying unpack and discover what romantic attraction meant, the more and more people in the club realized that romanticism didnt apply to them in the stereotypical or normative sense, and more and more people came out as aro. there were lots of conversations that included us just pointing out “that sounds like demiromantic” or “is that romantic attraction?” when people said something that sounded like a very aro perspective.

i also didnt join the aspec club at the university nearby because im not a student, but im always really tempted. im curious what a space intended for aspecs is like.

within my experiences, our aro circle was pretty large, and being open about queer identity and connection with our aro identity and community led to me knowing more aros, because you get excited if you overhear it in public, and the more people know about it the more people come out.

my aro circle did have a lot of dating in it, still, but that was because they were all aro4aro if that makes sense? a lot of people realized they were demi. and a close knit aro circle opens up nicely for aro identity being respected And developing romo attraction.

i’ve mentioned before that ive dealt with an exclusionist/aphobe irl, and that im annoyed their “romo aro” flag shows up in google. this person was actively a “chronically online” and “discourse” kind of a person. they held a lot of colonial ideals, were fairly ableist, and pushed a lot of people’s boundaries. this person was one of like 3 that were openly aphobic on campus, and all three of them gave off the sense that they were there to start arguments, not to engage in having a community of any kind. they were ultimately ignored by all the other allospec queer members. by and large, everyone accepted us in their queer spaces, and our “pride alliance” never once suggested that we didnt belong. we spent a lot of time talking about what mattered to us and how our queer identities impacted eachother, and how our communities intersected in various ways.

when the aros broke off to interact independently, our aromanticism was rarely brought up, it just was something that was a fact. we could talk about our struggles with our aro identity, they watched my blog grow, and we always chose activities that were friendly to the folks who didnt want to see romo stuff. ultimately it performed more as a tight friend group than as any sort of overarching activity to participate in. ive found virtual aro communities are pretty similar.

i dont know if this helps at all, but i do want to say you’re not alone in your aro identity, and you’re probably not even the only aro in your area.

for stats, i know:

7 arospecs in highschool , 2 aplspecs

10 arospecs in my close friend group in college , 2 (different) aplspecs

8 arospecs from my pride alliance (not in my friend group), 1 aplspec not in my group

4 arospecs in passing in college

an honestly unknowable number of arospecs from my old job, where ive been recognized from this blog before. these were mostly arospec and queer teenagers that were in awe of seeing a queer and arospec adult.

ive also made multiple online friends in fandom spaces who were not arospec or questioning arospec who recognized me from my blog, and, including both irl and online dating, have dated 9 aros/arospecs, and had qprs with 3 (tho ive had qprs with non arospecs too).

we aren’t an insignificant percent of the population. there’s honestly quite a lot of us and you shouldnt feel alone in this community. because theres so many of us, every aro community you join or create irl will be a little bit different. i live close to an aro organization that is in the nearest major city, and im thinking about volunteering and getting involved there, too. if you want to try making an irl aro community, honestly the easiest way to do it is just to be out and proud. they’ll come to you or you’ll help them realize it.

anyways i dont know if thats what you were asking, but thats everything i have in my brain for now. hope this helps.

💚💚🤍🖤🖤

-ghost

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concordefliesinmyroom · 1 year

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introduction !!!

hii !!!! my name is Violet. i am a really big fan of art & whatnot (basic). i have been taking on a little bit of a personal challenge 2 listen 2 at least one new album every day & ive been working on that challenge for about 1.5 years now !!! i looove talking about art and sharing my thoughts and 4 the past year or so i have been posting all my thoughts and media analysis and whatnot onto my Instagram story, but i have always wanted 2 start posting my thoughts somewhere that is more.... permanent, i guess? bc Instagram stories expire after 24 hours yk. anyways. i finally made a Tumblr blog !!!!! i am COMPLETELY new 2 Tumblr. so i apologize in advance if my blog is like informal or not very "good" quality by Tumblr standards or whatever else i will get better !!!

here is what u can expect from this page:

i am going to post music reviews/recommendations most likely, as well as film & literature & all of that stuff. whenever i see a piece of media that interests me enough 2 want 2 talk abt it im gonna use this blog 2 share my thoughts !!!!

i also am really interested in philosophy, i am only just now formally getting into it, but i have been thinking about that sort of stuff and asking questions like that 4ever. erm. i wouldnt call myself a philosopher bc that feels pretentious but i aspire 2 be a philosopher eventually. ill probably post abt that sort of stuff as well. i am also VERY interested in sociology, psychology, anthropology, political science... pretty much anything like that. i just love learning about things in general EVERYTHING is so fascinating 2 me but especially humanity.

i am a bit interested in politics as well !!!! i dont like to use any labels 4 my political ideas bc i feel like those can be limiting & contribute 2 close-mindedness but if i had 2 describe my alignment in any way i am probably pretty far-left. although i am completely open 2 hearing everyone's ideas!

i might also post about other things as well, im not sure yet !!!

some info abt me:

i am a girl, so, she/her pronouns ig !

i am 16 years old (well im 15 but i turn 16 in two weeks)

i am a member of the LGBTQ community

my handle on most social media sites is yourdadcosplay if u want 2 follow me anywhere else !!! (i dont do cosplay or anything~ when i was 13 i heard some guy on tiktok say the phrase "your dad cosplay" and i thought that combination of words was super funny so i made it into my username on instagram and then it just kind of stuck. and i use that on everything now. only reason i didnt use it 4 my tumblr is bc i didnt want ppl 2 think my blog was a cosplay blog or something idk)

my favorite music artists r: Black Country New Road, Kimya Dawson, Death Grips, Xiu Xiu, and Car Seat Headrest !!!!

my favorite album of all time is Ants From Up There and my favorite movie of all time is Everything Everywhere All at Once, both of those pieces came out in the year 2022.

my favorite book is the manga Goodnight Punpun by Inio Asano, and its actually the book that made me fall in love with literature.

im currently working on creating my own website!!! i dont know anything about HTML though, so it will be a long process.

i dont believe in astrology rlly but i am a Gemini.

my iq is 122 or something around that i dont remember the number i just remember im in the 93rd percentile

i am an INFP

boundaries:

i do try my absolute best to be open-minded and tolerant towards everyone's ideas and beliefs; even those which i disagree with. i actually encourage ppl who disagree with anything i say 2 challenge me or discuss/debate with me. that being said, if u r not willing 2 have a civil and open-minded discussion with me, and if ur only interest is arguing, then i will ask u 2 pls leave me alone. i love talking 2 ppl who have ideas different than my own, but i do not wish 2 engage in any immature internet beefs or anything of that sort.

pls, 4 the love of god, if u r the type of person who gets offended over every little thing; if u r more concerned with petty discourse & things that have no significance 2 any real-life problems; if u lack media literacy; or if u r otherwise just unintelligent, then PLEASE dont interact with my page.

i try my absolute best 2 be a good person. if i ever do anything that u find 2 be morally offensive (this is not just if i say something that makes u feel a bit of angst, but if i say something that u feel is actually problematic.) or if we r interacting directly & i make u uncomfortable, PLEASE TELL ME! i hate it when ppl have problems with me that could easily be resolved but they just dont tell me. it makes me anxious.

also, pls note:

just because i talk about a certain piece of media or art or literature on this blog does not necessarily mean that i agree with the ideas expressed in that blog or even that i like that piece. i try my best to think 4 myself and i do not take all of the ideas that r expressed 2 me as the absolute truth. just because i read any given book does not mean that i necessarily agree with its ideas; the same goes 4 all of the topics i discuss here.

as a large part of this blog is abt media discussion & whatnot, i want 2 say that i am absolutely open 2 any art. and i will not avoid any piece of media just because it is allegedly problematic.

most of this page is dedicated 2 sharing and discussing my ideas on various topics like art, philosophy, politics, and such. i dont think that im going 2 be posting or saying anything that is incredibly morally offensive or anything, and 2 be honest i dont even think my ideas r particularly radical or controversial, but, if there ever does come a time when i might have a potentially controversial idea, i wont hesitate 2 share it. im not going 2 censor myself or sugarcoat my beliefs on this blog just 2 avoid discourse.

all of that being said, this blog is not 2 be taken 100% seriously either. i will talk abt serious topics on here, but i like 2 laugh as well! u should not assume that anything i say is 100% serious or 100% satirical. that SHOULD be a given, but on my Instagram account, i have had a worrying amount of interactions with ppl who got mad at me 4 things bc they assumed i was serious when i wasnt or vice versa.

ok, that is all !!! thx 4 reading !!!

#introductory post #first post #death grips #xiu xiu #kimya dawson #musicposting #girlblogging

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screamingay · 1 year

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Do you have any OCs? feel free to talk about them if you do What was the first piece of media you engaged with on the internet? Are you still interested in it? What's something you made or did that you're proud of? What's something that made you smile this month?

ooh this is so fun tysm!!!

i do have some ocs! ive been working on them on and off since high school and i still dont have an overarching story or anything for them but i'll go over the basics if anyone's interested o.o

the basic premise is a group of friends who start a band called good question, but ive always considered the main couple of this universe to be renee and pj (who i just renamed a minute ago dont worry abt it) even tho they aren't really in the band. the band is made up of alysha on lead guitar and vocals, juan on drums, and anis on bass, with meg as a roadie and sati as their social media manager (and also regular manager). calypso is the newest addition to the group, they're the youngest and im not entirely sure how they'll fit in but i think they're just gonna be a younger college student or something. ive sketched and drawn everyone in the group, some more than others, but i'm still really working on their designs and physical & personality traits and backgrounds and all that. i know that pj likes anime and sati & anis are exes and alysha is an amputee and renee is jewish and all kinds of stuff but i haven't really fleshed them out as much as i want to eventually. lmk if ur interested in hearing more abt them bc it would definitely encourage me to work on them more hehe

i dont really remember what my first internet media was, but i feel like it mostly started with youtube and stuff like charlie the unicorn. my first fandoms were book series, the hunger games and hp and the mortal instruments and all that, and im absolutely not into most of it anymore except the hunger games i still think they're brilliant

i'm definitely proud of some of the stuff ive made! i havent been working on my skills as much lately but my gf has been inspiring me bc i love drawing her body <33 so other than those drawings of her in my top posts rn and that taz comic i did a while ago i like these too

lots of things make me smile!! getting this ask made me smile! also harper got her first tattoo and it happened to have my lucky number in it and my cat is so cute so im happy every time i get to see him and i saw the sun set on bare trees in front of dark clouds a few days ago which is one of my favorite things to take pictures of <3

thank u again for all this!! i love sharing things abt myself and idk if this was like a chain or what but i might send it along to someone else anyway bc it's so nice ty

#ocs

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caroldantops · 3 years

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hey! im quite new here and i have seen a lot of talk about readers interactions and i was wondering what is the best way to support my favorite writers (like you) because i think i have been doing this wrong and i really want to support writers who do this<3 ps. sorry if that was confusing, english isnt my first language

not confusing at all babes! you're 100% clear.

also can i just say, i very much appreciate you asking this. i would much rather more people speak up and be like "hey, we dont know the best way to support our favorite writers so how can we?" other than just. Not Knowing and Not Doing Anything.

so, im going to speak from my own personal experience but also what ive seen many of my mutuals/writers i follow talk about. this might get a little long but i wanna answer as thoroughly as i can because people should know!

im putting it under a read more because it got hella long, but please i encourage everyone who reads fics but don't interact to read and consider these things.

fellow writers i encourage you to reblog and add any other commentary you think is helpful!

before anything else (this is absolutely not directed at you, anon, you're perfect), i just want to get this out of the way. never come to a writer's blog and get angry with them for complaining about lack of engagement. like jesus christ. writers are putting hours of work on tumblr for you for free. the least we ask is for comments and reblogs. that's it. if you go and act shitty towards writers who ask for more engagement, yet still follow and wait for the next fic, like what are you even doing bro. just stop.

anyway. now let's get to the actual question!

basically all writers on tumblr will agree, reblogs are vital. and i feel like that gets said a lot but maybe people dont actually understand how impactful it is so lemme give an example.

so let's say hypothetically i have 100 followers. that is 100 potential people who see a fic that i post (i say potential because timezones exist so you might not see it as it's posted)

and let's say one of my followers (Person A) reblogs it, and they have 50 followers. that's 50 more people that can read the fic.

and let's say Person B followers Person A and they also reblog it to their 50 followers.

with only two people reblogging a fic, that's already doubling the number of people who have read the fic.

now imagine Person C followers Person A and reblogs the fic, and Person C has like, 1,000 followers. that's so much more exposure for the writer.

and that's only from two followers of the writer. so imagine if all 100 that read the fic reblogged it? the numbers skyrocket at an exponential rate.

plus, more people reading means that the writer could get more people follow them. so they get a more consistent audience.

likes, on the other hand, do not guarantee this exposure. i would say that most people don't have their likes public on tumblr. and also, even if they do, i know that I'm not about to scroll through people's likes rather than scrolling thru their blogs. likes up the notes, and that's about it. of course i understand liking a fic so you can come back to it later, i do that all the time. but if I've liked a fic, i always reblog it once I've read it.

now, say you're reading hardcore smut that you might not want on your main blog for whatever reason, so that's why you don't reblog a fic. look, i get it. sometimes irl people follow your blog, or sometimes you just don't want people to know what you're getting up to. but that's why i made a sideblog specifically for fics.

this entire blog BEGAN as a way for me to reblog fics i liked. and then it grew and grew and grew into all this. not saying that you have to start writing if you do that of course, but i guarantee, i'd rather see a small sideblog blog with like 3 followers reblog my fic than a blog just like the fic and leave. because that's still 3 more people who will see my fic and possibly read it and reblog it. 3 is better than none.

comments. reblogs are important, but comments are really what keep writers writing. they inspire us with new ideas, help figure out what it is that people enjoy from us, help us improve our writing, and most importantly, they make us feel good. and like writing and posting is worth it.

now, i know that sometimes it can feel awkward reblogging with a comment directly on the post. i even usually don't do that unless it's with a friend. but here are some alternatives/tips!

send an ask or DM! if you're really intimidated, sending an anonymous message is by far the easiest way to bypass that awkwardness.

write in the tags!! i cannot express this enough. comment in the tags. ramble about the fic. just put three tags worth of screaming. literally ANY comments in the tags are my favorite thing. i promise you that writers will scroll thru like basically every tag.

also, if they post it on both tumblr and ao3, don't feel weird about giving a little comment on both! i do that all the time. you can even be like 'hey i read this on tumblr first but wanted to say again how much i enjoyed it' and that is like, heart burstingly nice to hear.

also, if you're having trouble coming up with something to say, my like top commenting tip as both a writer and a reader is point out something specific that you like about the fic. when i comment on a fic (this is moreso when i comment on ao3 bc my comments are always longer there) i try to point out a particular line i like. literally if you just copy and paste it and go 'wow i really really like this line especially' that is the number one way to a writer's heart. seriously. it's the simplest thing, but it makes SUCH an impact.

however, if your comments are only asking for more fics, then that's not a comment, that's a request (which not all writers take).

saying something like 'hey i loved this fic a lot! if you have more in store for this in the future, i'd be really excited to read it!' is a million times better than 'will you do a part 2'. i know they don't sound that different, but i promise you that the tone makes a big difference.

(i honestly have more thoughts about good ways to get over commenting fear/know what exactly to comment that doesn't feel generic, so if people would like me to make another post about it i'd do it.)

and last but not least, if the writer has a way to donate, like a ko-fi, that always is so appreciated. of course, take care of yourself first, but if you have a few bucks and wanna show some support to your faves, that's a great way to help :)

oh! also, if the writer ever reblogs those little ask game things, just send them something! engagement outside of writing is also so much appreciated.

i think that's about everything i can think of! i hope this is helpful and that my explanations weren't confusing (if i need to clarify anything let me know). and again, thank you so much for asking! even doing that shows that you're a reader who cares, and that means the world ❤

#misc #writing advice #not really writing advice but like kinda in a way yknow #i didnt really mean for this to be so long #but i felt like the explanation of why reblogs are so important is important for people to understand #bc i think its easy to believe that 'oh i have a really small blog so it wont do anything'#but no! even one more person reading is better than none!#reader advice

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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mnstrfcker · 3 years

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Yooooo tell us about your yautja ocs! What are they like, what are their backstories etc etc I want to know EVERYTHING 🤩🤩

OKAY IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS QUESTION BC I AM LITERALLY VIBRATING WITH THE NEED TO GUSH ABT MY BOYS (Unfortunately I can't reveal anything abt their backstory as that would be major spoilers for anyone reading my story, but I am down to write abt their personalities!)

Okay so-

Ta'thiir

·A giant teddy bear. He was always the sweeter of the three, he got teased alot in his past for his big heart.

But make no mistake, he is one lethal hunter and his kindness is shown only to those who earn it.

·He is the messiest of the three. He simply sets something down and tells himself he'll get it later- which he does- after one of his brothers points it out.

(I feel you Ta'thiir, I really do.)

·Easily excitable. Anything as simple as a grin and giggle will have his heart soaring. He is the extrovert. Loves long, loud conversation.

Is a lover of the alcoholic drinks made on his home planet, doesn't drink too often but won't deny if you offer.

·Fiercely protective. If its something or someone he actually gives a damn about, he will tread the fucking clouds and kick down heavens door to fight god if it meant protecting it/them.

Me'Ki-Ta

·If grisl could be a person, it would be him. He is all rock, thorns and fire. He's got a 24 hr resting bitch face and punches people in his sleep. He dreams of violence, wakes up and chooses it.

·Has the worst temper out of them all. And many people would think he's cold and unfeeling, just angry. This is wrong. For a good reason, Me'Ki-Ta has had to harden his shell.

He is the most emotional of the three, if anything. He trusts his instincts almost to a fault, because the last time he ignored them it cost him nearly his entire clan.

He feels sadness, anguish, shame- it all comes out in an angry manner. The dude doesn't know how to be soft.

·Loves to read. This is not something Elite Hunters normally do, it was only highest ranking Yautja- known as Ancients- who read. Everyone knows how to, of course, but it is rare one would for leisure.

He likes the quiet entertainment they provide. A scene playing out in his head, vivid. Books can be violent and fell of war, or heartbreaking and bittersweet. He finds solace in the pages, able to feel without admiting to it.

·Cannot sit still. You will rarely find Me'Ki-Ta relaxing for longer than 2-3 minutes. This does include reading- he will have a book in his face while he tends to his hounds, or sharpening his blades.

·The most possessive out of the three. Borderline obsessive sometimes- he's got abandonment issues. Dude is just deathly afraid of losing people he cares about.

Mohtiat

·The goof of the group. Inappropriate jokes, pranks, its all him. Unless he ropes some poor soul into his games.

Please engage in playful banter with him, he loves that shit.

·Has slight OCD tendencies developed in the past, for example- he sharpens his blades evenly and three times on each side, if he differs he starts all over again until he gets it right or it feels okay to put them away. Look sideways at his knives and you'll get cut without touching it.

(His main fixation is repetition in even numbers.)

·The flirtiest. Dude was a champion during the time before the incident, he was quite the charmer. Now its much more subtle and toned down- but no less effective, believe me.

·Loves to fiddle with technology, he's the most curious of the three. He's the technician on the ship.

Has a bulky tool-belt he wears to repair anything- and yall, its a low rider. The way he wears it on his hips is something I shed tears about everyday.

·The best at expressing himself. He's a smooth talker, and is the best at showing just what hes feeling. He isn't afraid to look like an asshole it means protecting someone over their feelings.

Vaa'Leao

·If you look up 'bad bitch' in the dictionary you'll find her face plastered next to it. Sometimes I imagine her with a russian accent bc she WOULD be the brooding russian bounty hunter lady with 23 knives in her jacket.

"On Yautja-Prime, you either dominate or get dominated. Take that however you like."

·Will never admit it and would in fact die before doing so but she adores plants. So much. The main reason she goes hunting on Earth is for the prime sport and ✨succulents✨

·Dead-face heart-stoppingly blunt. If you have something in your teeth, she will tell you not matter who is there with you. If you made a mistake, she will point it out.

She sees it as helping, but desbite this she sometimes comes off as rude. The bars fights she's been in are legendary.

(Also- if she finds you attractive, she will tell you. And keep telling you until you either accept her advances or reject her. She won't speak word of it again if you say no.)

·Is very passionate about herself. Confidence 101 if it had legs and could take lives. She has a big ego, but she's got the skills and skulls to excuse it. She's just that good.

I'LL DO ONE FOR THE REAPER CLAN SOON- STILL FLESHING THEM OUT!!

I hope this is okay! I went WILD LMAO.

#my oc #yautja #yautja oc #mohtiat #alien oc #me'ki-ta #ta'thiir #Vaa'Leao #answered #my writing

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mmikmmik2 · 3 years

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If you were to sort the Infinity Train cast(s) into the Major Arcana a la the Persona games, which Arcana would you give everyone?

anon I had SOOOOO much fun thinking about this, thank you so much for sending me this. I sorted all the major characters, plus a few other entries, based on a mix of Arcana symbolism, Persona series character archetypes, and general vibes. I came up with answers I feel pretty good about for all but four of the Arcana. (Was really tempted to say Strength is every human character who doesn't board the train because they can handle their problems on their own lol.) This is going to be a long-winded post, so I thought I’d post just the list as an image (which hopefully won’t be too blurry!) rather than wrestle with Tumblr formatting trying to make a short list, and put a big text wall under the readmore talking more about my picks.

If this list does end up illegible, the same info is under the readmore as text! Plus some characters for Magician, Strength, Justice, and Death that I didn’t want to add to the “official” list because they’re more based on headcanon. (Although my reasoning for some of the “official” picks is pretty weak lol.)

One-One as 0. The Fool

Oh my gosh, what am I?

IT is great at fleshing out character backstories and families, so One-One at the beginning of S1 is one of the few characters who really feels like a blank slate. He's got a lot of his baggage back by the end of the season, and I think One and One-One are more similar than they seem at first glance, but S1 does seem to have been very formative for One-One and how he thinks about what he's supposed to be doing and how he relates to other people. So it does kind of feel like his fool's journey.

Alrick Timmens as I. The Magician

The magician begins the journey... by beefing it on a dirt bike, dying, and sending his wife flying off the deep end. Rip.

Alrick was an engineer like Amelia, so I could see him suiting some of the themes of the Magician, like conscious thought and manifesting ideas. His apparent playfulness and insecurity are similar to the Magician characters in Persona.

Kez as II. The High Priestess

“We can’t make this decision for you, Kez.” “You know what to do.”

I thought really hard about making Kez the Magician because just like every Magician since Persona 3, she's dumb, horny, and insecure dlkjasfdkl

(and also her showing up at the start of the story arc and being helpful but also super needy is very Magician)

But the idea of "intuition" really does suit Kez. Sometimes her intuition is as bad as her conscious reasoning, but I think that's a lot because she's so confused about what happened with Jeremy, and Morgan making Kez feel like she did a bad thing by helping him.

Tuba as III. The Empress

She made me feel like I was warm all the time.

Tuba's a mom. Sorry, this one's not that deep, haha.

Simon Laurent as IV. The Emperor

Highest number! I'm the leader now.

Simon has a lot of issues, but the one that felt the most prominent to me was his unhealthy relationship with power, authority, dominance, and rules. Another quote I considered using here was what he said in Grace's memory of meeting Amelia: "I never thought I'd get to see the Conductor with my own eyes. He's perfect! Everything finally makes sense again." In his emotional crisis, he thought everything could be fixed just by the existence of a huge, scary, powerful, male authority figure, even if they weren't doing anything helpful or informative.

Atticus as V. The Hierophant

I like to think that our stones are sturdy and handsome, like the Corgis that crafted them.

Atticus is a figure of traditional authority who deeply loves the history, society, and culture of his people. He often provides spiritual wisdom and encourages Tulip to get out of her own head and engage with the world around her. Also in Persona, Hiero is the Dad Arcana so it's very funny to me (a) to make the little dog be Hiero and (b) that the little dog really does have the strongest Wholesome Dad Energy of the whole cast.

Jesse Cosay as VI. The Lovers

Don't tell me what to do. I'm not going to be a part of anything like this, on or off the train.

This was my first and easiest pick lol, Jesse is sooooo Lovers. Like, the focus on choice and personal values and relationships? Yep, that's Jesse. It works on an "actual meaning of the Arcana" level and a "vibes with the Persona characters" level lol... popular, upbeat, and having such an identity crisis.

Lake as VII. The Chariot

I'm my own person, who is getting off this train!

I don't know if Chariot captures all the ways Lake grew over the course of S2, but I feel like they had the most externally focused conflict of all the IT characters, which suits Chariot. They've been fighting to stake out their personhood from start to finish, and they took action and used their willpower to achieve that goal. Also they have at least a little jock energy which is a prereq for Chariot tbh.

Frank as VIII. Strength

I dunno, I kinda imagine him as a simple man and easily underestimated, but with a lot of heart. The Cat may say they're keeping things casual but I don't think she'd take him with her on her private vacation unless he had some kind of inner toughness that would let him stand toe-to-toe with her.

Morgan as IX. The Hermit

I need to be alone right now. Kez... maybe... we can talk later.

I like that Morgan embodies toxic self-isolation and stonewalling and rejection, but that she seems to be moving towards the positive aspects of Hermit and taking some time to calm down and process and think. I like it when characters can embody the best and worst of their Arcana.

Tulip Olsen as X. The Wheel of Fortune

We have to adapt to the changes in our lives. It's the only way things can get better.

Tulip has a lot of themes and conflicts, but this one is a clear standout as the most important. I also like it for Tulip because, while she has to handle a lot of difficult and even traumatic situations, some of the change that challenges her isn't as unambiguously bad as e.g. the death of a loved one. It really is just change itself she's struggling with, and that's Fortune babey. Also, from the perspective of the train itself and lots of other characters, by reversing Amelia and One-One's positions again and changing how One-One administrates the train, Tulip is the one giving the wheel a spin. That's fun.

Lucy as XI. Justice

One of my friends once described the Justice characters in Persona as "the ones the player character is ultimately accountable towards", and I like to think of Lucy as kind of being that for Grace (...since Hazel has excused herself). Lucy is the Apex kid we see Grace interact with the most, the first Apex kid Grace admitted to herself that she had harmed (see Grace very briefly showing distress and then regret when Jesse points the harpoons at his face and she stops him), and the first person to confront Grace when she came home in The New Apex.

Min-Gi Park as XII. The Hanged Man

I don't know if we'll sell a single album, but we'll figure that out as we go.

Min-Gi sacrifices his "realistic", "sensible" goals for a more personally (spiritually, even?) enriching life that's beyond his control and outside of the expected norm. Like the Hanged Man, who dangles foolishly upside-down, but as a deliberate choice and in a state of serenity and enlightenment. I also think this arcana suits a reading of Min-Gi's character development as starting off going slower as a way to stall and live in denial, but then going slower with deliberation. Compare his arrogant insistence on refusing to act in The Astro Queue Car to his patience and care in The Castle Car and The Train to Nowhere.

Jeremy as XIII. Death

This isn't about the death of his family - I'm thinking of his reluctance to admit his number was going down. He cared about Morgan and Kez, and it's possible both that he may have really wanted to stay with them despite his exit and that that might even have been a healthy choice - they're real ass people with feelings and everything, not holodeck characters. But I also think Jeremy was using his life with them to avoid moving on out of that fog (because it was hard and it hurt and he didn't want to think about what that would mean for him and Morgan) and Morgan was enabling him.

Ryan Akagi as XIV. Temperance

Maybe the experience is the point. I wasn't just rushing you. I was rushing myself.

I think this one speaks for itself. Also, the other quote I considered putting here, from The Art Gallery Car: "You told me I can't appreciate the song without taking in the rest of the album. I need the whole package."

The Cat as XV. The Devil

I always do the right thing.

Honestly, this is one I really wasn't sure about. The Cat isn't a great pick for a lot of the meanings of Devil. She is definitely consumed by material comforts, and the short-term rewards of ignoring her issues at a long-term cost, though. This is more of a "vibes with Persona characters with this arcana" pick... Devil characters tend to start off being somewhat exploitative or even antagonistic towards the player character, and gradually showing a more conflicted and genuine side.

Amelia Hughes as XVI. The Tower

There's a hole in the universe where Alrick used to be.

Amelia's life is defined by catastrophe and upheaval - both those she's suffered and those she's inflicted on others.

Hazel as XVII. The Star

I'm going to keep loving you like you're still here.

When I think of "The Star" as a small but inextinguishable light in the darkness, Hazel seems like the obvious choice. Although we left her deeply wounded, I think she still has a flicker of her hope, faith, and purpose.

Grace Monroe as XVIII. The Moon

But it's unfair for me to tell you how to understand yourself. I mean, I don't even fully understand me.

Grace is probably the most complex and dynamic character on the show and hence one of the most difficult to place. I considered Empress, Strength, Devil, and Judgement for her... I think ultimately, lies and illusions are the most unifying theme of her character arc. Also, from a Persona angle, her pursuit of status out of a lack of true self-worth reminds me of Ai and Mishima.

Alan Dracula as XIX. The Sun

Brought together by the majesty of a superpowered deer!

I'm sorry dkjasfklads this is largely because I thought it was funny to have this completely inexpressive dead-eyed deer as Sun akfk but also... like... it kind of works okay!!! Think about the genuine joy and comfort and positivity he brings to Lake and Jesse (and me)!

The New Apex as XX. Judgement

"Then what are we gonna be?" "Guess we'll have to figure it out?"

This is kind of a Persona mythology gag again because of Judgement being a group social link near the end of the narratives of P3 and P4, when the protagonists have pierced through the lies and actually figured out who the villain of their game is and are ready to really start making progress.

0 as XI. The World

Ah, train does it again!

It's an ending and the completion of a journey, but also the beginning of a new one. And the world is literally what the passengers receive at the end of their train journey. Welcome home.

#infinity train #infinity train spoilers #protagonists of IT #Anonymous

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nonbaznary · 2 years

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ao3 tag game ✨

thank you so much @wellbelesbian for tagging me in this! i really liked reading your answers, lol. sorry it took so long to post this, but here it is!!

how many works do you have on ao3?

currently i have 28! i deleted a few last year, unfortunately, but i’ll work this year to get that work count higher 🤲

what’s your total ao3 word count?

31522! weird number but i’ll take it

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3, five. or, i guess, technically four, because two of them are Carry On Series and Simon Snow & Related Fandoms. the other three are BIG BARF EW EW EW Voltron: Legendary Defender, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. ew. ew. i have this thing- sticking to fandoms for authors and sometimes even works i now hate. anyways, i want to start writing for other fandoms too. i used to do stuff for riordanverse (mainly percy jackson, and i still have some WIPs), miraculous ladybug (not the greatest, but im watching it with my lil sis and its fun to try to fix that shit) and uhh i think it was the dragon prince? and she-ra and carmen sandiego? which were fun. so yeah!

what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Maybe we just lived between hurting and healing

Gen, m/m, snowbaz

After a whole life of hurting, Simon and Baz finally get to healing. Baz adores it.

4. Of queer weddings and family parties

Gen, m/m, snowbaz

Baz and Simon are loudly queer in family events, especially now that they're engaged.

3. Move, I'm gay

T, gen

Inspired by the tweet: "sobbing at this lil girl at target. dad tries to get her a dress and she just YELLS “no I’m GAY I CAN’T” and her dad just sighs so loudly and goes “no you’re not gay, I’m gay. You’re five.”" Or: bad gay humor is generational, and often unintentional! - for @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire

2. Here, kitty-kitty…

T, gen + m/m, snowbaz

Simon adopts a cat. Baz pretends to hate him. It's probably safer for everyone this way… - for the @carryon-anon-fest

1. (Spend my days) Dreaming 'bout you

Gen, m/m, snowbaz

Life has been amazing for Simon and Baz. Simon can't stop daydreaming about their future together. He has a million questions to ask Baz. That's easier said than done, though. Written for the Carry On Exchange (Baz's Birthday Flash Round!) - for @letraspal

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yeah, totally! i mean, at least i try to 🥲 im not really active on ao3 (and not always logged in because i forget to check that) but every time i get in i try to check my inbox and answer as much comments as i can, even if theyre just replies. i LOVE feedback on my fics and i think chatting about fics is really cool

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

👁👁👁👁👁 uhhh

ive had some pretty bad angst fics. all hurt, no comfort, definitely no happy endings. a lot of main character deaths and shit like that.

BUT none of these are still up, so i’ll go with one that is and i actually remember- recently, (I'll shut my mouth) I'll let you go, which is my least read and interacted fic ever (i mean, FAIR) a nicodemus & fiona fic from when he was Turned. yknow, the nice stuff

have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, i dont think so? not that i recall. ive had people whod send me like . personal hate? but still loved my fanfiction and told me so lol. but i dont think ive ever gotten hate on a fic. if i have, i completely forgot about it, or just straight up never saw it

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not really? ive experienced and tried to get into it some little time ago but its not really my sort of thing. guess its still too awkward and embarrassing for my developing queer little brain. a few friends keep reminding me to try my hand at that because we do have fun talking about it lol, and im curious to see how itd turn out. and id definitely like to try to write some fics with more of a hint of seggsual stuff and not feel like crap for it!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope! (or not that i know of…)

have you ever had a fic translated?

ive been asked if people could translate my fics to spanish (and one in english when i wrote more in portuguese) but ive never actually seen my translated fics posted? 🤔 im fairly sure someone sent me, like, in DMs, a translation of one of my fics, but i dont think it ever saw the light of day

what’s your all-time favourite ship?

i dont really do those! i mean, that definitely are some ships that i will treasure for a long time, but i dont really choose all-time favourites for basically anything fandom-related. my taste changes very often, so thats not reallt a thing for me fkkdkdkd right now, its snowbaz, obviously (snowshaz is also starting to grow a lot in my lil polyamlm heart)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have! i used to do that ALL THE TIME when i first got into fanfiction, but lately not so much. i miss it though, it was such fun, and it helped me get even more ideas for fics. we'd have groupchats for fics, and sometimes even go like RPG-wise to develop scenes / dialogue. when i stopped co-writing often, i would still pitch in with a few chapters / scenes for my friends’ fics, and they’d do the same for mine. i loved it, and i think the readers thought it was fun too!, but i stopped writing frequently altogether so its harder to do that, i guess. maybe now that im getting back into writing in general i’ll get back into that too. also, renée and i are planning to co-write something soon, so !!

what’s a wip you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

wow, so many of my WIPs fit into this... my post break up art teacher simon fic. my band au. full like the moon, which is an exes-to-friends-to-lovers thing i think i posted the prologue to. the watford drama society au. most of my longfics, probably. lol

i have a bunch of fics that i might not even actually start writing. like, self indulgent fics that arent coherent at all and dont make any fucking sense. fics that are basically just a few random scenes splashed together and left aside. i like them, but... eh

what are your writing strengths?

queer stuff. angst angst and angst, i guess. people usually say im good with humor, and dialogues, so these!

what are your writing weaknesses?

as it probably became clear, if it wasnt already obvious; long fics! planning, actually writing a BUNCH of shit, and getting to the end. endings, in general, aren’t really my jam

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fics?

i like it! dont really have a problem with the concept in general, but i do think its decent to leave the translations in the notes (or make it really, really obvious from context if possible)

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter, i think! i discovered fanfiction with harry potter, more specifically the marauders fandom, bc i used to look things up about them and only fanworks wouldve touched the subject 🥲 so thats what started my interest in fic

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is a hard one, because all my current favorites are still WIPs ✨✨✨ as in, do you want me (dead)? and my golden AU, mostly. but im really fond of And if you have nightmares, we’ll dance on the bed. i loved writing it, i love baz and penny’s relationship, and i think people should pay more attention to penelope’s trauma, because it's definitely there. it felt good to adress it. also note how literally all of these are named afted songs / lyrics LMAOOOO

tagging @thesebookishdelights / @aqueeriano / @punkjuliandiaz because i said i would 😌😌

#ao3 tag game #aspen talks writing #pen and paper

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10millionyearsdungeon · 4 years

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One Night in Miyagi

A/N: Another month, another collab~. This one is for the Lovesick Discord server. September’s prompt was The Yandere Purge. Featuring the Karasuno Bara-daddy Officer Daichi Sawamura, we proudly present...One Night In Miyagi: A Purge Story. ===============================================

The pulsating in your ears was a taiko drum solo your body played by rope; it was a familiar environment you knew you could react in. Muscle memory was your friend when it came to tying tourniquets and starting IVs for fluids. It was your life, after all-- after working several years after graduation at a trauma center in downtown Tokyo, your hands were responsible for saving and soothing so many lives. It only made sense that you would volunteer for this. Out of the back of a repurposed van and a ragtag crew of off duty police officers and nurses, you all agreed to be above the collective who engaged in the chaos about to ensue with the setting sun. “You’re sure about this?” The strapping young officer crossed his arms over his broad chest, dark eyes squinting into the sunset as you piled another heavy trauma kit into the back of the van next to the folded stretcher. You nodded and patted your hand on his beefy shoulder, offering him a small smile. “Sawamura, I’ve never been more certain. It’s not my first purge night.” He didn’t appear to be convinced by your reply, but shrugged and loaded his own gear into the van next to your loaned equipment. “Besides, with the hospitals closed and the rest of the first responders forced to take the night off it’s not like we had anything else better to do.”

The way his eyes lingered on your delicate wrists and trailed up your forearms made you shiver. Sawamura was always one of those friendly faces you looked forward to seeing when he brought a drunk and disorderly patient into your department. In another life you could see yourself fall for him and his bravery. If only you knew just how far he would go to protect you…

He didn’t like the idea of you putting yourself in harm’s way. From the moment he first laid eyes on you after taking a nasty hit during a call he knew you had to be his. It was your gentleness that won him over as you readied his eye for repair. It was a nasty blow to the head and he could barely see. It was like only yesterday when you stitched him up and picked out the remaining glass fragments from the broken beer bottle, only to leave his bay to scold and dish out your own legal form of justice on the drunken fool who dared attack an on-duty police officer.

Maybe it was your strength that attracted him so. Perhaps it was the quiet way you would smile before selecting the largest angiocaths on your problem patients to help them understand the error of their ways. He found himself thinking as you carefully held the split skin of his face together with delicate fingertips that you were something small, precious even. After that night, he made more frequent appearances, noting your schedule and asking around for you when you flitted from one patient to the next. It surprised you how often you bumped into each other. As a professional courtesy, you bought him a cup of coffee on your break and he nearly fell right then and there. In the ugliness and rot of your shared world, you stood above it all as a paragon of true goodness in his eyes. Somehow untarnished, that tiny nurse who didn’t take no for an answer when it meant it would benefit her patients captivated him. So driven, so pure, you needed to be protected and saved from the filth. He grew bolder, even going so far as to ask for your number one night when your department was emptying out. His request took you aback, but you endeared him further by tucking your hair behind your ear and scribbling your digits on a bright pink post-it note. It started out innocently enough. He’d send you the occasional text to see if you were working and drop by with a much-needed boost whether it was coffee or a touch of kindness and insight only another member of the fold could bring to your hellacious shifts. You never noticed just how close he would get when your back was turned, how discreetly he would lean in to catch a whiff of your perfume from your neck or how his hand would linger at the small of your back just a few seconds shy of being uncomfortable. It was nearly six months before you called him by his given name, and when you did he never wanted another person’s name to fall from your lips. It came as a minor surprise to you that he volunteered for the ride along with you. But Daichi knew it would be easy to get you alone. The Purge was the perfect excuse to be close, to work with you, to protect you from the ensuing violence. You closed the heavy doors and hopped inside with a soft grunt, the sound striking him to the core. “Y’know, there are easier ways to get my attention,” he teased. You grinned and crouched along the stretcher, the cool metal bars digging into your thighs. You adjusted the securement straps on your equipment, really a collection of mismatched bungie cables and zipties, and sighed through your nose. As you did your final checks, Daichi raked his eyes along the curves of your body in silent admiration. Shaking himself from his reverie, he climbed to the front of the van and murmured something to the driver you couldn’t quite catch. They turned on the scanner and the van purred to life as it pulled out of the empty lot. Your night was about to begin.

You hung out in the back of the van as the driver pulled into another ambulance bay to pick up your second medic, a quiet young man with sharp brown eyes and dark red hair. As he loaded up, a feeling of unease washed over you and you swore you could smell gasoline on his clothes. You pushed your thoughts to the side and helped him secure his equipment, all under the watchful eye of Officer Sawamura. The feeling he got off the newcomer made him recoil in revulsion. He narrowed his gaze at him as the redhead smiled slyly at you and held out his hand for you to shake. “Saito Tendou,” he chirped with a fox-like grin. “Y/n,” you replied, tentatively taking his hand in a brief shake. Revulsion consumed Daichi over the harmless touch. How dare he touch you? Did he know you didn’t belong to him? As Daichi swallowed his rage, he smiled warmly and offered Tendou a thermos of hot coffee, which the newcomer gratefully accepted. Your crew was complete; pulling out of the lot, the van began slowly patrolling the streets. Daichi kept his sidearm close and loaded as he scanned the streets for any unfriendlies. It was early, and the rougher the area became, the more apparent it was that the designated time frame for Purge Night was merely a suggestion. Fires erupted from storefront windows, people in crudely made masks looted and carried their prizes brazenly down the narrow streets. Women, scantily clad in fishnet and plastic wrap sashayed down the sidewalks looking for a few Johnnies to make their Purge Night a lucrative one to remember. Tendou’s gaze lingered on the hookers in their sparkling heels and garish makeup, all the while still wearing that same smirk. “It’s a shame we can’t go out and have a little fun, too, huh, Y/n?” Your cheeks flushed with the implication of his statement and you chuckled nervously. Daichi turned around to watch you tuck your hair behind your ear and again felt that beast in his belly attempt to claw its way to the surface. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” you murmured, eyes thoughtfully trained on the gutters and storm drains as you passed. Daichi flexed in his seat and chuckled darkly, a sound you nearly missed over the chorus of screams pouring from a burned out convenience store Tendou’s grin fell and everyone in the van could feel the tension rise. The driver, with his heavy-lidded eyes and stoic expression breathed out a soft curse as you readied your pack. Daichi opened his door and was the first out of the van. You followed closely behind; it was an unspoken agreement you had when you both signed on for this-- he would take point, and you would stay close to him. You held your medic pack close to your hip as you traced Daichi’s steps. The burly officer had his 9mm handgun trained at the door, moving silently through the trashed aisles. Corn chips and hard candy crunched underfoot along with broken glass and debris. As you trudged through the building behind your dedicated lawman, you gasped when the screaming suddenly stopped. All you could hear was the pounding of blood in your ears and the slowing of Daichi’s breathing. “Y/n,” he whispered, unmoving as his flashlight revealed bloody trails leading down the back of the store to the walk-in cooler. It looked like someone was dragged forcibly into the chilly space, their handprints smeared against the heavy door. He glanced down between his boots and shuffled forward. “I don’t think you need to see this, Y/n.” It was almost a warning, one he knew you wouldn’t heed as the unknown victim’s fingertips rolled under his steel-toed boots. Severed neatly at the knuckle, he pushed forward with his muzzle trained on the door as you skirted to his back. “Don’t look down.” “I--...Officer Sawamura, I-” “I said don’t look.” Your blood ran cold when the door swung open. The convenience store manager huddled in the corner of the cooler, clutching her hands to her abdomen. Her eyes went wide with terror as Daichi shined his light into the space. He almost felt bad for her- hair matted with blood and gore, shivering from the chill that had sunk into her bones. The puddle she sat in reeked of congealed blood and excrement, evidence of her fight soaking into her torn clothes and stained apron. Your feet rushed you to her side before the officer could stop you. You knelt down and whispered kind words, stating you were there to help her. She flinched at your touch, terrified that you were there to bring her more harm. Daichi continued to stand watch, turning his back to guard the only exit. If she was still alive, chances are whoever decided to loot and maim the poor girl would come back to finish the job. “Ma’am, I need to clean the blood off so I can assess the extent of your injuries.” You dropped your pack to your side and knelt as you worked, pulling bottles of sterile saline to wash the blood and urine from her hands and face. Her fingertips were severed cleanly, but to the bone. It didn’t leave much for you to work with, but you persisted. The body was a miraculous thing. As you continued to murmur hushed words of encouragement, of genuine concern and care for the clerk, Daichi felt himself swell with pride and jealousy. You were too good, too sweet for this disgusting world. It was everything he could do to keep you safe. By the time you finished wrapping up her hands and sewing the deeper defensive wounds on her arms and chest, Tendou was sauntering into the storefront with a strange wobble to his gait. You kept your focus on your patient and helped her to her feet, gently reminding her that it was going to be okay, that she was safe. Daichi aimed his gun at the redhead as he drew closer. “Oh, Officer, how nice to see you.” Daichi’s finger gripped the trigger slowly as Tendou walked into the light. He pressed the muzzle of the gun into his own chest and grinned that sly, loaded grin, daring the cop to release the safety and pull the trigger. He leaned over Daichi’s shoulder and watched as you helped your patient out of the cooler. “Does our little lamb need assistance?” “This little lamb is fine, Tendou. There’s a safe house not far from here. Run there and don’t get caught. And don’t stop until you get there. Tell them Mercy sent you,” you ordered the frantic woman. She nodded and pushed past the two men on unsteady legs. “That was sweet of you...but I doubt she’ll get far.” “What do you--” The redhead drew closer as the woman pushed passed him and out of the cooler. Daichi trailed behind her, if only to ensure she didn’t need cover-fire as she made her escape. As the police officer’s footfalls retreated from the store, Tendou grinned and inspected the bloody scene. “Injured lamb, blood loss, the scent’s in the air and the sharks are circling the block...it’s only a matter of time before she’s had, Y/n.” You steadied your breathing and glared up at him. “It was sweet of you to give her a chance, though...Mercy.” He whispered your codename with a smirk, his heavy-lidded eyes drinking in your soured expression with interest. “How do you know that name?” He canted his head, expression unchanging and drew closer so you could smell the coffee and liquor on his breath. He turned only slightly, noting the white light flooding the storefront and creeping into the walk-in in broad, sweeping strokes. Taller than you by a head, he leaned into your body, caging you against the frosty metal of the back of the fridge, his hand clapped tightly over your mouth. Your eyes darted up to meet his, a harshness you were unfamiliar with dancing in them like fire threatening to engulf you both. You understood his wordless plea-- stay quiet and still. Voices, slurring and rough called into the store from the street. They paused only to taunt Officer Sawamura, a mistake met with gunfire and tires squealing into the night. You could hear him make his return, but Tendou held fast to you, hiding you from view. “Are they gone?” You asked quietly when Daichi made his return. Your eyes widened at the shadow that crept over your living shield. The ringing in your ears muffled the rapid sprinting of your heartbeat as hot blood and gray matter sprayed across your face and neck like an explosion of organic stew. Bone fragments caught in your hair with the softer tissues of your former partner. Eyes wide with terror, you stared at Daichi. Your scream caught in your chest as you hyper-ventilated, frozen against the steel wall. He casually stepped over the redhead’s limp body and he reeked of gunpowder and brain matter.

The world and its mindless noise seemed to slow down with the slumping body of your partner. Daichi lowered his weapon and returned it to the holster on his hip as casually as one would slip shoes on. He moved quickly, surprising considering his size, and gripped your jaw with a beefy hand. With your mouth covered again, all you could do was pant through your nose and tremble at the scene. He worked quickly to rifle against your clothes, all the while pinning you to the wall by your face with that single strong hand. When he found what he was looking for, you whimpered quietly into his palm. Daichi drank in your fear and watched you quake against him as he brushed along your hips with measured interest. “If you scream, I can’t promise your protection.” Your throat bobbed with another scream swallowed in fear. It was one thing to see the aftermath of a murder, but another entirely to be an accessory to one. Tendou’s eyes were glassy, pupils blown and fixed as he stared up at your writhing futilely into Daichi’s iron grip. The officer leaned into your ear and you could feel him grin as he fanned your skin with his hot breath. “He was attacking you, Y/n. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t protect you?” The glimpse of Daichi’s true nature shone through as he curled two fingers into the meat of your thigh, his free palm gripping your buttock with enough force you knew would leave you with bruises. You’d be his-- he’d make certain of it. Daichi would keep you safe even if it meant he had to drug and shoot every warm body with a pulse in the entire country. He’d burn the prefecture to the ground if it meant you’d be his to protect. As realization sunk into your bones with the slap of his fingertips against your clothed core, a new feeling of helplessness washed over you that made your insides clench and twist in on themselves. Caught in his trap, Officer Daichi Sawamura ensured it was a Purge Night his night nurse would never forget.

#yandere purge #daichi sawamura #yandere daichi sawamura #lovesick #lovesick collab #tw:molestation #tw: gore #tw: gun violence #tw: amputation

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minkymeatshop · 2 years

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OMGG U HAVE THE MOST TASTE EVER YES,,, ok a few questions (feel free to answer all at once or seperate if thats easier!)

- do u have a favorite song significance? or like a top few if u can't choose?

- i would love to know more abt bella's playlist specifically :3c so vibe....

- more music in general but have u listened to Glass Animals? their music is weird in a good way if ur into that!

ththank u dizzy for Always always engaging with me ily 🙏🙏🙏

favorite song significance: This. is So Hard to choose and i dont want to put too many bc each really deserves its own post. but right now my favorite song is pretty little head by eliza rickman!! i loop it for 5 hours at a time!!! i have issues!! i think it might have been on night vale so you might have heard of it i just know it because im a Huge fan of dark cabaret & steampunk music

anyways that song really really reminds me of adelheidis singing about griffin especially the chorus ;

Where’s your mother?

kitty kay, griffin’s mom, is a huge driving force in the plot, as she’s the leader of the rabble mob and purposefully undermines the oppressive religion/government that the protags anya and celia are trying to escape

Fall down dead

griffin LITERALLY fell down dead. he fell out of a tree (while trying to save a cat) and hit his head and returned to life for Some Reason thirty minutes later. this is never explained in canon!!! me and my top researchers (clones of me in lab coats) are attempting to find the explanation as we speak so Please Hold but that. is a thing that happened. and “dying” was a huge turning point for griffin because prior to this he was using his real name but afterward he started to hide behind his stage persona of the plague doctor more often - a lot like his mother, who lost herself under her character of the phoenix she played.

Dirty mind, dirty mouth, pretty little head

griffin uses innuendo like…. a LOT. which is funny considering that i headcanon him as ace. but ive had adel call him a “dirty little thing” before Specifically Referencing This Song because i am diseased!!!! and anyways he does think that griffin is very pretty.

I wish you were here, I wish you’d make my bed

this line is definitely adelheidis struggling to find the energy to do everyday things—sometimes theyre just so overwhelmed emotionally and physically that they wish griffin could help them do everything

Dirty mind, dirty mouth, pretty little head

refrain but. underneath these words she says (pretty mind, pretty mouth, pretty li—) and i find it extremely representative of the way adel puts up an icy persona but underneath is melting

i have listened to glass animals! my favorite song of theirs is season 2, episode 3! i keep forgetting the numbers!

i’ll put bella’s playlist under the cut because this post is extremely long already and it contains some triggering content - cw for violence, self-hatred, and discussion of sexual predators

thank u SO SO MUCH for asking this!!! i had a huge blast writing all this!!!

overall, most of the songs have soft girlish vocal types contrasting with harsher sounds and screams, which was a deliberate choice because of how bella acts--they fake an innocent persona to hide their true intentions. the title is a reference to her defection from her country, and the description is a response to the line in victrix’s playlist. i picked the cover because of the motif of contrast, bella likes sweet and “pure” imagery while being a violent and unstable person.

bella’s a tanamare, a fantasy species i made up which has plant-themed powers. their country, ch’aka, is quite oppressive in nature, often employing propaganda to keep their citizens in line. bella was a prodigy with high-level abilities and joined the army early when she was about 13-14.

So everyone that I love is stuck Because this, that, the other, and the state fucked up We covered it in a class that I'm about to fail

Cigarette Ahega0 - Penelope Scott

I am perverted, sick and sadistic Covered in your blood It's ritualistic

Perverted - Elita

All these toys and girls and boys This fucking world makes so much noise Dont talk to me, I'm fucking sick Its life or death we have to pick Bitch, I was gonna die so young But Ill just pop my bubblegum

Hospital - Gurldoll

I'll get revenge Pour bleach on your head and now you're dead Disinfect, so hold your breath and say goodbye

Maggot - Slutever

after some Very Messed Up experiences that i won’t get into, bella defected and became a fugitive. she began attacking and often killing sexual predators, reasoning that she was the only one that understood it was necessary, and that since she was so desensitized to violence & adept with her powers, she had a duty to protect others like her.

I just wanna make the whole earth smile I just wanna make the world smile Do you think I'm bad Do you think I'm wrong Or I'm too slutty?

I Just Wanna Make The Whole Earth Smile - Girls Rituals

So don't you squirm, don't you fret I'm not gonna hurt you yet I just feel the need to be getting A little of you, a lot of blood-letting I know the sensation you're probably dreading But cutting you up will be so refreshing for me

The Dismemberment Song - Blue Kid

You’ve been staring at me for like, a fucking hour. Can I help you? Like, what’s your problem? If you get near me though, if you try to touch me, I swear to God, shitdick. I will take my Louboutins and castrate you.

Don’t Touch - Lil Mariko

All I wanna do is burn the world All I wanna do is burn Now scream my name Scream my name Scream my name Scream it

Fuck Me - Vernon Jane

things poke holes in her flawed reasoning ... her desensitization to violence becomes a source for self-hatred, as she ignores how people have been taking advantage of her for her entire life. she doesn’t know what to do, so she tears herself down. she adopts a carefree, misanthropic persona to distract from her real problems.

My bedroom smells like rotten food And I guess so do I

Angels of Porn - Nicole Dollenganger

There are flowers growing all around a massive animal inside of me And it’s so ugly, and I’m so broken And I’m so ugly, and it’s so broken

Angel Eyes & Basketball - Foot Ox

They say that it gets better, but I guess that was a lie I guess we all just fake it 'til we die Sympathy and love we can extend to someone else But it's harder when you have to love yourself

I Deserve to Bleed - Sushi Soucy

I can teach you how to be just like me, crying all night sleeping 'til three I can teach you how to be just like me, just listen carefully I can teach you how to be just like me, cute as Hello Kitty!

Hello Kitty - Jazmin Bean

ultimately there is something that makes her want to improve as a person. it’s her interpersonal relationships and her little burning flame of belief that things CAN be fixed. she didn’t know how to try before she met someone named kathy & her brother jonah (@llamas-and-leeks‘ ocs) so bella actually did find a way to get better and confront her issues! good for her. also this gets compounded when she meets victrix, a human crime-fighter. her country, manava, is probably the best place around - while not perfect, manava has an actually good government, and because of their different circumstances, victrix and bella are at odds. victrix is pretty patriotic because her home country is a good place to be, while bella is disillusioned with the propaganda of their childhood. eventually the two learn to see each others’ sides, and they grow and change together :) btw bella is pansexual and victrix is a lesbian. and theyre gay. oh right this was meant to be a playlist explanation hold on-

Maybe you're made of rotting meat Maybe I'm just a machine

Watermelon - Queen Chimera

My sweetheart's piano is rat filled And mine is infested with bugs The music we make is unnatural But it sounds just like falling in love

Butch 4 Butch - Rio Romeo (YES I’M AWARE NEITHER ARE BUTCH.)

I hate you for the sacrifices you made for me I hate you for every time you ever bled for me I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me I hate you for never taking control of me

Blood - In This Moment

#long post #minkasks #bug #IT WAS A MASSIVE ORDEAL TYPING THIS OUT BUT IT WAS REALLY FUN

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steelycunt · 2 years

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hii i was wondering if maybe u have any advice on posting on ao3 for the first time. ive encountered some people that just immediately bash fics if it doesnt agree with their hc and that makes me even more nervous. also the thought of writing so much and no one reading my work is kind of discouraging :(( im not really active on social media and cant say here followers i posted a new fic yk? sigh idk

hi babe!! of course. i rambled a bit, so it's under the cut.

posting on ao3 is always nerve-wracking - for me, at least - and it has never really become less so. genuinely, as i write this, im looking at an ao3 draft open in a different tab that im ready to post but i'm still getting nervous about. and when i post it, i'll have to get offline for a few hours because i always get the urge to take it down. nerves are natural! especially when sharing something you've put love and work into.

as for bashers - everyone has different preferences, and everyone will have different headcanons, and everyone will have things they like and do not like. it's completely unavoidable (esp in big fandom), but the responsibility is on them - don't like, don't read, and all that. it is not on you to cater to everyone and anyone. if you hold back writing/posting in case there's somebody out there who doesn't like the same things that you do, you might never post! and that's a shame, because whatever you're writing is important, and worthwhile, i promise. to steal advice i've seen other people give on this site: it's vital to separate the act of writing from the act of posting - if you're going to keep at writing, you have to write for you. you just have to. or you'll fall out of love with it. the posting is something you do to share it with other people - it isn't written for them, it's shared with them. if you can look at something you wrote and think, i'm glad that exists, i wrote what i wanted to read, then honestly who cares if ao3user184392 thinks it isn't for them? they can go write their own stuff.

and to your final point - it's totally natural to feel discouraged if you don't get the engagement you're hoping for. it shouldnt be the reason you write, but of course it's the reason you post. it's the reason we all post! for other people to see it. tagging correctly and all that stuff is important for making sure it ends up in the right spaces, but also...pretty much everyone posting on ao3 has that same fear. it might take time as you build your account and post a bit more, but there is a community! if you like another author's fic, tell them, follow them, all of that. chances are they feel pretty similar to you. your sole motivation for interacting with other writers/fics should never be the expectation that they're now obligated to do the same, because that isn't how it works, but it's a good way of making friends and getting to know people and feeling a bit more involved (especially here on tumblr - ao3 is not a social media site). besides all that, the goal is to get to a place where you're not super numbers focused, because things like kudos don't determine the value of your work. lots of my favourite fics aren't massively big, statistics-wise, but they're wonderful.

i hope this has been helpful! and i hope it wasn't super contradictory, i'm just trying to get across that there's different ways you can approach posting and writing. i know i've got a ton of talented writer mutuals who can probably answer this way better than me, so if anyone has anything to add, please do!

it's scary, the whole thing is scary, it terrifies me too, but you can't let that put you off. i hope you end up posting, and i'd love to read anything you write, anon! and you can message me off anon if you want to talk anymore about all this. <3

#telegram #anon #writing tag

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aegialia · 3 years

Text

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill.

for good:

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby.

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting.

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends.

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me.

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness.

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories.

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me.

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

#gloomth and circumstance #this is definitely not required reading!#i just felt like rambling for a very long time about my feelings and my blog #w bonus blog trivia at the bottom that amuses me and probably no one else

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ad1thi · 4 years

Note

If your still doing fic recs, could u rec any soft stevetony ones?

absolutely!! this got pretty long so ive hidden most of it under a read-more so i don’t annoy people. a couple of authors feature more than once. ive tried to avoid that as much as possible, but if an author features more than once - take that as a sign that they have rly good stuff for soft stevetony

disclaimer: don’t forget to leave kudos and comments for every author!! (a disclaimer i regrettably forgot to add to previous fic rec lists but will be adding from now on)

soda pops: @starklysteve

If anybody asks, Steve would smile and say it was very romantic. Very Tony. Because if he went into any further detail, nobody would quite believe him.

Tony, on the other hand, would laugh and say that Steve’s in love with a man in a can. So, really, it wasn’t outside the natural progression of things.

me voy pa’l pueblo: @firebrands

two times steve walks away, and one time that tony walks with him.

/ or, my very fluffy take on my bingo card prompt "farewells." steve is on vacation when he meets tony.

fill for my stony bingo prompt: farewells; also for bookworminaslump on tumblr who asked for a tourist/knowledgeable local au!

Tumblr Ficlets: @omg-just-peachy (this is 115 chapters of stevetony being soft!!)

A collection of enough tooth-rotting fluff to last a year, all in one place.

tender offerings: @omg-just-peachy

Five times Steve carried Tony to bed.

the best thing (is that it’s happening to you and me): @captainstarkreportingforduty

Or, five times the team saw Steve Rogers and Tony Stark in love.

Sweet On You: @miniblackraven

It’s the 1940’s and Tony is working as a Donut Doll for the Red Cross. His job is to go around to various military bases and offer comfort food and conversation to homesick soldiers. He’s come to expect a lot of things in this job, but he doesn’t expect to fall in love with Captain America, the hottest most awkward soldier Tony has ever met.

Bespectacled Avengers Society (Membership of One): @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah

Tony gets glasses. Glasses get a Tony. Steve loses his mind and walks into walls.

a flower crown for your love: @anthonyed

"There, there," Pepper cooed. "Tony likes flowers?" she said with a shred of doubt in her tone. But when Steve peered up, she's smiling her bright toothy smile. He squinted and she sighed, dropping her hand from his shoulder. "He does." she insisted. "Even more so than me."

if this was a movie: @omg-just-peachy

“One of our seniors is being generous with his time this year—by force of his own actions, but generous none the less—and he’d be happy to help you, I’m sure. Tony Stark? I’ll set something up for later this week. I think between the two of you you’ll be able to pull your average up enough to make it through to playoffs,” Coulson said, with that ever-hopeful lilt in his voice.

Or, Steve needs a calculus tutor, Tony is available, but how is Steve ever supposed to focus when he's been in love with Tony for ... his entire school life?

you take me higher than the rest (everybody else is second best): @firebrands

tumblr fill for adi & anthonydarling, who asked for "'Prank' war, but the kind to see who can make the other blush the most in public" from this prompt list

amore mio: @brucewaynery

Tony has had it with Steve being dumb and reckless out in the field, he has a family to think about now, Steve promises him that he'll be with him, kingdom come.

(initially based on that one headcanon about Italian Tony yelling and gesticulating at Steve but Peter thinks he's doing some weird dance and tries to copy him, but it got very fluffy very quickly)

Lost My Mind in a Coffee Shop: @betheflame

“Boyo,” Bucky muttered to his best friend. “I swear to God that if you don’t ask that man for his number soon, I will create a Grindr profile for you and you will not like it.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I am here to finish grading, not hit on men.”

“Can you not do both?” Natasha smirked. “Nearly tenured, historical genius, feels like something you should be able to multitask.”

&&&

In which Steve is a history professor and Tony's an engineering one and Bucky owns the joint where they have their meet cute.

AU-gust Chapter 7: @iam93percentstardust

stevetony, childhood friends AU

Right Up The Road: @gottalovev

The day at the senate committee in Washington DC wasn't supposed to end with Tony and Steve transformed into animals by a baby witch. That said, the 350 miles trek back to the compound to get help promises to be quite an adventure too!

(or the adventures of Cat!Tony and Wolf!Steve - and how to readjust when you're back to human!)

i’ll take care of you: @elcorhamletlive

“Hi.”

Steve blinks. The sound of loud thunder roars outside, but he doesn’t jolt, too focused on the image in front of him to be startled by the noise.

He has no idea what to say, and he isn’t sure if the shock is because of Tony’s absolutely sodden state – his hair glued to his forehead, his clothes dripping with water, forming a small puddle in front of Steve’s door – or because he wasn’t expecting to see Tony for at least three more days.

“Hi?” he says, a little tentative, before his brain catches up to reality. In his defense, he was getting ready to sleep when Tony knocked. He looks at what Tony is holding – a wet mess that seems to have been a flower bouquet at some point. “What are you doing here?”

The Tally System: @betheflame

Everyone on the team knew about the tally system.

Whenever Steve would save Tony - whether from a monster or from his own stupidity - he’d say, “tag”. Whenever Tony do the same, he’d say, “your turn”. Thor thought it was adorable, Clint thought it was ridiculous, Bruce refused to register an opinion.

Natasha thought it was something she could work with.

what’s mine is yours: @robertdowneyjjr

5 times Tony stole Steve’s clothes, and 1 time Steve returned the favor.

For a billionaire, Tony Stark really doesn't pay for a lot of what he wears.

I like Shiny Things But I’d Marry You With Paper Rings: @betheflame

Rhodey: I just confirmed with Sam that he’s going to make sure he cooks tonight and that his entire team is briefed. I’m heading over now to strategically arrange a fuck ton of ficus trees to block them from gen pop.

Pepper: They’re not getting engaged in a prison, Jimmy.

Rhodey: Tony Stark and Steve Rogers show up to Circe on a Saturday night in May and you watch every person in that restaurant turn into someone I’d rather arrest than eat with.

****

In which Tony and Steve get engaged, but they're kind of extra about it, because they are always themselves

the road to the stars: @shell-heads

Tony is seven years old when he sees the ballet for the first time and meets his future pas de deux partner.

His father is invited to sweet-talk politicians into a new weapons deal and explain his latest idea for their program, and his mom goes to catch up with old friends she hasn't seen in years, but Tony goes because his mom had smiled down at him and told him he would love it.

His mom's never wrong.

In which boy genius Tony Stark meets girl wonder Natasha Romanoff at the ballet, and they fit their broken little pieces together to make something beautiful on the dance floor.

Steve? He's just a dumb, awful, chaotic, extremely supportive older brother that really should just shut up and admit he likes Tony a lot more than he pretends, because Natasha only has five people in the world she likes; it only makes sense her two favorites would fall in love with one another.

They always were a little slow, though.

A Second Chance To Take it Slow: @omg-just-peachy

Tony loves his adopted son, Peter, but that doesn't stop him from wishing he had someone to do this whole parenting thing with. After a failed one night stand, Tony's parent-teacher conference with Mr. Rogers comes with quite the surprise.

Wake Up!: @randomstufffromotherblogs

Tony came home from a business trip and is woken up by his husband and their three-year old.

pull me closer to love: @captainstakreportingforduty (part of a series)

“A Mother’s Day card? For... Tony?” Steve clarifies, and can’t help the smile on his face as six familiar little heads nod in response.

“But... guys, Tony’s not—“ he pauses and takes a breath, any explanation dying in his throat against the excited gleam in everyone’s eyes. “Why do you guys want to do that, hmm?"

compromises: @robertpattisons (when i looked up OP on tumblr, this is the blog i was directed to - but i sincerely apologise if ive gotten it wrong)

Steve should have expected it, he really should have.

There were regulations that came with dating Tony Stark. Things that were clear and things that they needed to work through.

Things like how Steve always got strawberry ice cream, while Tony got rocky road. Or when Steve needed to get his homework done before he was down to make out - even though Tony always got his way.

Things like that were clear

all that you are is all that i’ll ever need: @natasharxmanov

Tony Stark and Steve Rogers announced their engagement on Good Morning America through Tony Stark’s previous secretary now CEO, Pepper Potts. And over this past weekend, I got the chance to sit down with them both, to visit their home and attend their gala, all to write this article about the most powerful couple in the world.

(Or, the fic in which Tony and Steve get married.)

(i won’t ever) trade my mistakes: @brucewaynery

Toddler Peter, painting a masterpiece with his dad.

aka: a dumb amount of family fluff to help you power through the week

#adi's rec list #stevetony #superhusbands #steve rogers/tony stark #steve rogers x tony stark #steve x tony #i did this instead of my exam #so i rly hope you enjoy it anon!!#there's a healthy amount of superfamily thrown in here #so apologies if that isn't your thing #anon ask #adi answers asks

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ronnytherandom · 3 years

Text

I forgot to watch content all week so i wrote about games ive been playing

9/2/2021: The Truman Show

You should fear your fears but embrace them and use them to guide you into the unknown, to explore and experience what life has to offer. Fear stands between you and the fullest experience of life so you must pass through it to better yourself. Heed not the walls built about you and the chains made to hold you. Though the architects insist it will preserve your life, containment is anathema to life. Do not take in faith the benevolence of powers that be; instead trust those who would support and liberate you, guide you through fear and into life.

As best I can lay it out, I think this is the philosophy of the Truman show but there is so much more to read into it also. There is critique of systems of commodification and celebrity (i.e. capitalism) reducing human beings to a consumable good as well as encouragement to find and pursue your goals despite adversity and even sensibility which is also tied to the illusion of economic responsibility. You can’t put a camera inside a human head, you can never “know” them without being an active and intrinsic part of their life, but also there is need for reciprocation. If one half exists with ulterior motive then the entire relationship is rotten; sincere humanity is what creates real connections. Without such your world is fake. A world built around one person is a world where no one can truly live. All these actors have given up basically their entire lives for the sake of watching Truman have his life built around him by outside forces, have allowed themselves to be commodified and dehumanised for the good of one man, Christoph. The man at the top has delusions of grandeur and thinks only of his own bottom line, he cares not for his subjects but simply wants them to do as he tells them because it benefits him to commodify their lives and interactions. Even then he cannot stand to lose control and in seeking to demonstrate Truman’s “realness” he structures his life so thoroughly that eventually there’s no reality left, only a script and adverts. But the people watching still empathise with Truman because everyone in the working class understands what it is to be trapped because real life is our own Truman show and one day we must all pass through fear, step out of the dome and create a real life for ourselves outside of the system of commodification which consumes everyone’s life and removes all realness and sincerity and emotional catharsis from it.

I unreservedly love this film.

14/2/2021: Assorted Game Reviews

Horizon Zero Dawn (Unfinished due to technical issues, 45 hours inc. parts of Frozen Wilds): This game is really cool and really fun. I think it is defined by its incredible setting which somehow creates a fresh feeling post-apocalyptic environment. Said environment creates intriguing alt-future lore and some very interesting environments to explore. I love the machine designs (especially tallnecks!) and was very sad to hear one of their contributing artists passed away recently but I’m glad their work lives on in this visually stunning game. I’m a sucker for Ubisoft-style open world games simply because it tickles a certain kind of itch and somehow this non-Ubisoft game has outdone Ubisoft on their own formula, which is hilarious, but also good for me as running around this world exploring and clearing map markers is engaging fun. Not least because of the combat. I have a minor criticism here that the combat feels slightly awkward on mouse and keyboard, the arrows never seem to go where I’m aiming, but aside from that the experience of fighting is a grand one. Enemies never lose their threat and I love the weak spot system the game employs which makes every tool useful in niche circumstance and rewards curiosity. It specifically manages this in a way that I feel the Witcher series could learn from if it ever returns; by making head on assault less viable and encouraging tactical hunting. I do feel this system makes hunting robots so fun that by contrast hunting humans becomes a chore however, though I noted this improves in the dlc with the addition of humans with elemental weaknesses limited in number as they are. I cannot speak for the story in entirety but what I encountered was pretty good, though I feel as if it was only just really getting going at the point where I could not continue. I find Aloy to be a compelling and well portrayed protagonist and though I can guess about her origin and the ultimate end of the alt-future apocalypse I still want to see how it plays out on screen, so will return to this as soon as I’ve fixed it.

Rimworld (122 hours. Familiar with but do not own Royalty Expansion):

Rimworld is one of those super special games that I don’t think I have a single problem with. Fair warning it can be brutal and is heavily dependent on RNG but this allows it to create truly unique and interesting scenarios on a constant basis. In the wider perspective it could be described as formulaic, with regular cycles of managing the settlement between raids and random events, but the devils in the details. Colonist traits, health and skills dictate how you play and sometimes you’ll be forced to adapt as some colonists simply refuse to perform some tasks. The depth of health particularly amuses me, in that each little part of someone’s body is modelled in a way. If you’re in a firefight you may take a single bullet which grazes your finger and you’re fine. Alternately it could pierce your human leather cowboy hat, your skull and kill you instantly and the game will tell you exactly what happened. The risk/reward element is addictive enough, and that’s without accounting for just how cool it is to see your colony slowly expand. Establishing more and more options for crafting is fun and shows off the full range of different items in the game which is fucking extensive. Between clothing, weapons, armour, sculpture and drugs to name only a few you have the opportunity to create many varied production lines either for your colonists or to trade for money and there is a lot of fun to be had here as well as it is quite satisfying to see psychoid you have grown personally become the cocaine your colonists snort to help them stay awake on limited sleep. From an archaeologist’s perspective it is especially cool to look back over your base and see the hints of how and why structures were built and remember the history of your limitations and development through structure. I think the lore of the universe is really cool too, a very 40k-esque kind of place except with far less order, somehow. But the universe does an excellent job of feeling alive and moving constantly on both a planetary and interstellar level. You can fully believe that while you build wooden shacks to shield yourself from terrifyingly low temperatures there are simultaneously rich pieces of shit living it up on the glitterworld that’s one system over. The music does an excellent job of creating the wild west frontier atmosphere the game cultivates to great effect. Ultimately, for just being a grid with a series of different numbers attached, this game does a fantastic job of creating a compelling, brutal and very real colony management experience. I dont think I can properly put into words the grandness and scope of this one. I didnt even mention the modding scene, which is expansive and tailors to basically any need you could have. The Rim is a terrifying place but theres so much fun to be had.

Factorio (86 hours, mostly 1.1): Having completed a game of Factorio I can tell you reliably that this is one of the best games ever made, thoroughly addictive and fun. If you like numbers, logistics, TRAINS, its gonna be your thing. Not to mention its probably the only documented case of a game with no bugs (so far as official forums are concerned). Strictly speaking this games combat is not the most engrossing thing but good lord do you feel it when you acquire a flamethrower. The way each aspect of the game (production, research, logistics, combat, upgrades for everything therein) feeds into the next is a really well constructed balancing act such that you must experience the full game in order to complete it and I always appreciate this kind of design. I think its one of the best tenets of factory game design especially as its something present in Satisfactory too. Beyond all of this generalised good the game is also excellent in its intricacies, the architecture necessary to build a maximum efficiency base, the level of planning and organisation that can be employed is mind-blowing. Not to mention the mod community, factorion is already an extensive experience and some mad bastards have seen fit to complicate it further, hats off to them. This really is a great moment in gaming.

Destiny 2 (198 hours, all expansions, played some post Forsaken release, mostly Season of Arrivals onwards, spent roughly £20 on microtransactions):

This is a very interesting and enjoyable experience, but I must say it can be a bit controversial at times. What its does particularly well is moment to moment gameplay and design in all aspects. The game is stunning; between environments, cosmetics, shaders ships and ghosts there’s a vast range of incredible things to see, all rooted in the “pseudo-magi-science” aesthetic it’s got going on. The class design is excellent and you really do feel like you embody this rampaging madman / agile gunman / space wizard archetype, whichever you choose to play. The abilities, especially supers, are very satisfying. Everything has heft and power behind it which can be felt in all aspects of design; sound and animation is top notch. Movement is cool, you can feel how fast you move both on foot and in vehicles and the navigation has a little fun subtlety depending on your class jump, even if you can bounce unpredictably occasionally. But for the love of god why is the wall kick in there? It has only ever served to push me from a ledge into a bottomless pit. You're looking to remove antiquated content? Start there. Some guns are not so good to shoot but there’s such a great range of guns that are fun its like complaining about one drop in an ocean; and enemies are fun to shoot at, each faction distinct in meaningful ways and presenting an effective challenge. Speaking of oceans, that’s one way to describe the lore. I haven’t dived too deep but it keeps going down forever and everything I’ve read is intriguing. As a former Elder Scrolls lore nut this is something I could definitely sink my teeth into, though its much more of a pulpy sci-fi vibe than a pure nonsense vibe. I do think the game has a bit of a loot problem, primarily in regards to the conflict between high stats and looking good. This should never be a conflict, and yes you can apply ornaments to any purple gear but that’s not enough when I spend the entire time grinding power levels and thus must change armour and weapons on a constant basis to progress. This game needs a true transmog system and if not that, rethink how gear power level works. Perhaps rather than earning new instances of gear you always possess a version of it and the loot you acquire in missions just upgrades your instance to your current overall power level? This would serve to do away with the current upgrade system which I think is a needless additional grind. Perhaps it could be retained in using enhancement cores to empower gear as present but necessitating a whole upgrade module to keep your favourite weapon on hand is kind of painful honestly. There is also at present the issue of sunsetting gear, mildly controversial to say the least. If it’s necessary to streamline the game and make it function moving forward so be it but surely loot pools should be adjusted so you can actually get useful loot from older locations? And why sunset personal instances of gear which can be acquired at the regular power level anyway? I had to throw away my favourite bow and hunt down a new version of the exact same weapon for… what reason? I do think destination navigation leaves a little to be desired also. I get that having a physical hub world is meaningful but Destiny does not have a very extroverted community; I can count the times someone noticed me in the tower on one hand. And its not even like there’s fun activities to be found in the same sense as say Deep Rock Galactic, which really does take advantage of its hub. Perhaps for players who simply want to go about their business all of the vendors could be set into a menu system where just clicking an icon takes you to their menu from anywhere in the system rather than, per se, having to go through an entire loading screen (Which takes you to orbit and back) to reach a location which serves simply as the front for four menus. These are established player problems. As a dedicated PvE player I can say that this game is immensely fun in combat and growing in power does feel really good. It’s something I recommend getting into, there’s just some very large creases that need ironing which the Bungie should really take the time to address rather than pushing out new in game content every three months.

#the truman show #horizon zero dawn #rimworld #factorio #destiny 2 #d2 #film #movies #video games #i dont know what im doing #hzd #opinion

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carewyncromwell · 3 years

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AU number 5 please!

5. …Your MC ends up in a romantic relationship with their best friend? (If they do end up falling in love with their best friend in canon, what if they fell in love with a different good friend?)

*glances and smiles apologetically at @cursebreakerfarrier* Ahem.

In most lifetimes, Carewyn and Bill’s relationship went through four stages. In one, however, it went through five.

Stage I: Guardian and Protectorate. When Bill first heard from Charlie about his classmate, the younger sister of the “delinquent” Jacob Cromwell, he immediately felt sorry for her. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like, to have lost an older sibling, and even if he’d yet to meet this girl, the eldest Weasley felt his “Big Brother” instincts twitching. Then Carewyn approached him the following year for help with the Ice Vault, and Bill honestly breathed a sigh of relief. Charlie had said she seemed okay even after what had happened to her brother when Bill had asked him, but Bill was still relieved to see that that did indeed seem to be the case. The young red-haired Slytherin may have been tiny and perhaps a little insecure and soft-spoken, but her eyes blazed with determination, and when they dueled, Carewyn showed immense courage, even managing to win their duel by chucking a potion bottle at Bill’s head and then using the distraction to Disarm him. It was in that moment that Bill decided -- he was going to look after this girl. And so he did everything he possibly could to help her with her quest to break the spells on the Cursed Vaults and save her brother Jacob.

Stage II: Surrogate Big Brother and Little Sister. As the years went by, Bill and Carewyn dealt with the Cursed Vaults together with their other friends and got to know each other better, and Bill soon came to see and treat Carewyn like family. Bill cheered both Charlie and Carewyn on in Quidditch friendlies. Bill even invited Carewyn over for Christmas at the Burrow one year. It soon got to the point that Bill almost filled the role in Carewyn’s life that Jacob once had, in the way that they were rarely seen apart -- and yet, even with that, Carewyn never trusted Bill with all of her flaws and insecurities the way she had Jacob. She never trusted anyone that much. As Carewyn got older and the maturity gap decreased, Bill found himself leaning on Carewyn in a way he never really had anyone else, as well as found Carewyn herself answering his emotional needs by looking after him just as much if not more than he looked out for her, just like she did the rest of their friends. Carewyn counseled him about his crush on Emily Tyler. She offered a listening ear and good advice when he was down. She surprised him with meaningful Christmas gifts and sang songs to cheer him up. Their friends had started teasing the two by calling them the “Papa Bear” and “Mama Bear” of their friend group, and even Bill had to admit, they really weren’t on the uneven footing they’d been on before. After all...Carewyn really supported him a lot more than she ever let him support her anymore...

Stage III: Equals. By the time Bill reached his seventh year, Carewyn had really come into her own as a strong, determined young woman with a brave, compassionate heart and an unbreakable spirit. Despite the two year age gap, Carewyn had more than proven herself Bill’s peer, not just on the dueling field but in leading and protecting others. Bill was proud of how much his friend had grown and truly respected her as a person, but he couldn’t help but notice -- now that they were on equal footing -- just how much Carewyn didn’t trust him or the rest of their friends, even after everything they’d gone through together. Even when she clearly cared so much about him, Charlie, and the rest, she absolutely refused to let them into her heart or help her with her emotional needs. Still Bill was patient and was prepared to let Carewyn open up when she was ready, even after Charlie blew up at her for keeping so much from them and Ben and Merula stubbornly refused to let her just go off by herself without telling anyone. After Rowan’s death, however, Carewyn disappeared for a full 24 hours. When Bill found out, he immediately dropped his Cursebreaking assignment and rushed back to the school to help the others look for her. When she finally emerged after being found by Duncan, Bill fell to pieces, tearing into Carewyn about how he knew full well that “she was a liar,” that she “always lies,” but that it was “only because of how much she cared,” and berating her for being so stubborn that only Rowan’s death could finally make her open up to her friends and trust them with how she felt. Bill was crying the entire time, which wasn’t much of a surprise -- Carewyn crying too, however, took everyone aback. And it was as the two sat on the floor hugging each other and sobbing, right before Charlie and Ben both also descended on Carewyn and Merula hugged herself on the sidelines, that the wall between Bill and Carewyn was finally torn down.

Stage IV: Best Friends Forever. From that point on, Bill and Carewyn saw each other as their best friend. Bill was Carewyn’s second-in-command in the Circle of Khanna, and when the two dueled side-by-side, they could stand toe-to-toe with just about any Dark wizard. After Carewyn joined the Ministry as a lawyer, Bill would pop down to watch her court cases from time to time, and whenever Bill wrote to Carewyn asking for help with an assignment for Gringotts, Carewyn would instantly drop whatever she was working on to help him, even though she’d never really wanted to be a Cursebreaker herself. The two also wrote to each other pretty much constantly and supported each other unconditionally. No one could deny that these two loved each other, even if it was only platonically.

In one universe, however, as mentioned...there were those who suspected that love was much more than just platonic.

Stage V: Lovers. (More under the cut, ‘cause this got long AF. >>; )

HPHM AU Ask!

It all started when Carewyn distanced herself from the Weasleys in 1995, just after the return of Lord Voldemort in the Little Hangleton graveyard. Carewyn came to the austere decision so as to help the Order, since she knew her position at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement could be helpful in the fight to come and her associating with the Weasleys or the staff of Hogwarts at all would give Fudge less reason to trust her. Even despite the logic of the rationale, the loss of his best friend and confidante, if only through not being able to speak or write to her, weighed very heavily on Bill. Carewyn had been one of only two people he’d ever felt he could really rely on for emotional support (the other being Charlie), and she was easily the one he did so most, since she was always so prompt in her written responses and always seemed to know exactly what he needed. Her absence left a hole in Bill’s heart and life, which was soon filled by his new associate at Gringotts, Fleur Delacour. Fleur was very taken with Bill, and soon enough Bill felt romantic feelings budding in his heart for her as well. The two started dating, and the relationship brought some real sunshine back to Bill’s life, even in the midst of the storm to come.

The advent of the Second Wizarding War prompted a lot of people to jump into marriage quickly, as it felt like any day might be your last -- and so, within a year, Bill was all set to marry Fleur. He loved her very much, and she him...but everyone else in the Weasley family was a bit less sure about the prospect, especially Mrs. Weasley and Ginny. But in this universe, it wasn’t just because they didn’t like Fleur. Even Fleur herself was a little startled when Bill popped the question so quickly. But Bill loved Fleur and, he thought, the War would be less scary if he knew she was by his side. Not long after he popped the question, Voldemort’s return was finally made public, and Bill saw his chance to finally -- FINALLY -- be able to see Carewyn again at the Ministry, after she dealt with Fudge’s Educational Decree #23 in court. The two met covertly in Carewyn’s office for the first time in over a year, both almost beside themselves with how happy they were to see each other. Bill and Carewyn hugged for almost five whole minutes, laughing and babbling almost the entire time and squeezing each other in a vice grip. It was the happiest either Carewyn or Bill had been in months.

Bill had expected that his best friend might not wholly approve of his and Fleur’s engagement too. Carewyn, however, although she was taken aback, very quickly showed support. “She makes you happy, doesn’t she?” the lawyer asked through a beautiful, soft smile. “Well...that’s all I could ever want for you, Bill. I know how long you’ve wanted a family...if Fleur can give you that, and love you and care for you...then that’s all that matters.” Bill was encouraged by Carewyn’s words, and yet almost uncomfortable -- maybe he just wasn’t used to positive feedback to his engagement yet, he thought sheepishly. Nonetheless, after Carewyn said she was sure the ceremony would be beautiful and lamented that she probably wouldn’t get to see it, Bill fiercely insisted that Carewyn would have to be there: he refused to start such an important chapter of his life without her. His insistence on her being present did seem to affect Carewyn somehow -- Bill couldn’t quite place how, but she was smiling, at least.

After their meeting, however, Bill found himself a bit less certain than he had been previously. Seeing Carewyn again after so long really got him thinking about how much of a bedrock she’d really become in his life -- seeing her in the courtroom, recalling once again what a brilliant, noble woman she was, finally realizing how hard she’d really been fighting all that time they’d been apart, in complete silence...just like she always had, since they’d first met...it shook him slightly. When had she become so instrumental to him? When did the thought of her not being at his wedding become so terrifying that it made him not want to go down the aisle at all? When did them separating make him feel anguish, knowing that there was a good chance they’d never be reunited again? When had he...become so emotionally reliant on her...even more so than his own fiancee? These questions bothered Bill a lot. He pushed them away for the longest time, but still they persisted. Fleur could tell Bill was upset about something, and yet Bill was too ashamed to admit to her what was wrong. She at one point asked Bill if there was “someone else,” and Bill -- almost panic-stricken by the suggestion -- vehemently said no. Carewyn was his friend, his best friend! They’d been partners, yes, but not like that -- they’d been Papa Bear and Mama Bear at school, sure, but that was a joke! Carewyn was family -- she’d always been family. Not like Fleur soon would be...

That night, finally, Bill had to ask himself -- could he see Carewyn, the way he saw Fleur? Even if he wouldn’t choose Carewyn over Fleur...could Carewyn be someone he could see himself marrying and starting a family with? And at long, long last, Bill had to admit...he could. He could imagine it. He could imagine Carewyn being a wonderful mother -- cradling a red-haired, freckled baby in her arms and singing it a lullaby -- smiling at him with those ruby red lips as he came home -- trailing a hand through his hair as he kissed her. And Bill, his heart both swelling with joy and breaking in despair, knew he couldn’t marry Fleur while feeling so conflicted.

He finally opened up to Fleur about how he felt, leaving off Carewyn’s name the entire time...yet Fleur, insightful as ever, knew immediately who Bill was talking about. Although she was a bit hurt, she nonetheless maintained the utmost grace and suggested they break their engagement. “If after you’ve come to a dezision, your heart iz still mine,” she said gently, “zhen we can pick up where we’ve left off, Bill. And if it iz not...zhen I wish you every happiness.” Bill, still feeling incredibly ashamed of himself for rushing so fast into an engagement before he’d even taken the time to properly address his unexamined feelings for Carewyn, thanked Fleur for her support. She truly was a wonderful woman -- it was unsurprising that he’d grown to care for her so much.

Fleur and Bill didn’t have the chance to break the news to anyone about their wedding being put off before the Order was summoned to Hogwarts to protect it from the Death Eaters that had broken into the school with the help of Draco Malfoy. After the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, Bill got his face slashed up by Greyback and Mrs. Weasley finally accepted Fleur and her love for Bill, even with their engagement having been broken. Late that night, Carewyn received a letter from Tonks about Dumbledore’s death, Snape’s betrayal, and Bill’s injury and without hesitation she Apparated to Hogsmeade, turned into a robin, and flew the rest of the way to Hogwarts.

Carewyn found Bill sleeping restlessly in the Hospital Wing with nightmares. She used her Legilimency to enter Bill’s mind so she could soothe his nightmares of turning into a werewolf and killing everyone he loved and transform them into images of the Burrow, in anticipation for his wedding. But because Carewyn didn’t realize that Bill and Fleur had broken up earlier that day, she didn’t know that Bill wouldn’t have ever conjured up such a dream himself. And so when Carewyn tried to gently coax Bill to head down to the wedding pavilion over to Fleur, telling him that she’d catch up, Bill -- even though he was asleep -- sensed something was off. After a long moment of staring at Fleur’s lovely, smiling face among the crowd of his friends and family, he realized that however happy it was, it wasn’t what he wanted...and so, it wasn’t something he’d conjured up himself. It wasn’t his dream -- it was someone else’s dream for him. Within his dream, Bill turned to Carewyn, his brown eyes full of both love and pain, and said through a weak smile, “...Carey...as always...you lie because you care.”

Carewyn had not expected Bill to instantly force himself awake and -- within seconds -- bring up a hand to clutch Carewyn by the back of the head and hold her in place so he could place his scarred lips, slightly hampered by the bandages covering his face, to the side of her face. It was the first time Bill had ever kissed Carewyn, even if it wasn’t on the lips -- and over time, it would not be the last.

#HPHM AU ask #carewyn cromwell #bill weasley #fleur delacour #honestly I love these two as bffs though #we need more loving male and female friendships that don't turn into romances

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