#ferret ass motherfuckers

[flannelepicurean]

Tfw you can't get ur goddamn brain cells together, and ur head hurts from squinting and trying to remember... things... ANYTHING...all goddamn day, and other parts of ur body are like, SURPRISE, BISH, I CAN DO PAIN, TOO!!!

But somehow, in the fog, u manage to scrumble out a really nice little Johnny x OG Cobras/Lawrusso one-shot, in a SINGLE GODDAMN DAY...

But then you get around to posting, and your brain slips a gear and goes, "Wait. Wait... hold on. One...two...ohhhh...oh, GODDAMMIT!!! NOBODY MOVE!!! EVERYBODY HOLD STILL!!!" Because one of those little fuckers is missing. AGAIN. Vanished into the recesses of a cluttered brain, like ferrets into a hoarder house.

So, off ya go, flipping over couch cushions and shouting obscenities. Johnny and Dutch are sitting in a corner, dutifully sneaking snacks and stealing bottle caps or whatever. But those other rascally fuckers done fucked off to who knows where, and now there are feathers and plot lines and dialogue and spilled beverages EVERYWHERE, and ur swinging a broom in the middle of the room, sobbing, "WHY WON'T YOU JUST SIT STILL AND KISS EACH OTHER?!??!??"

Every fuckin time.

#my life right now #brain #scrambled #tired #writing #writing process #fanfic #incoming #tkk #the karate kid #johnny lawrence #og cobras #johnny x og cobras #lawrusso #fucking hell #ferret ass motherfuckers #every goddamn time #dutch you the real mvp #you got a name i can remember #the rest of y'all on thin ice #bobby brown #og cobras tommy #og cobras jimmy

[twilishark]

Why are you like this

#ferrets #albino #Fucking cryptid ass motherfucker #ferret #mustelids #pets #my pets

[hext00ns]

Can you please give me your headcanons on Drake. ❤️.

Like his first word or how on earth he found that tower. ( Personally I headcanon he was homeless until shush got him)

Do you think he had pets ( for me he had two cats and a bunny over the years.

Ps drake is my baby 💕

Vague questions about hcs are harder to answer tbh. It’s like when you know the answers but the test makes you fuckinn brain dead. However I will do my best to answer what you have and give anything else I can think of!

With the tower, I do think he was on the road for a hot second. I don’t, however, think SHUSH found him. I personally think that Drake has a hideout in the first place cause motherfucker ran away from home and decided fuck the day job I’m vigilante now at like fuckkin 18 or some shit and he did need somewhere to hideout. I will also say, teens are the motherfuckers of finding wild ass placed to vibe so I’m not too surprised this weirdo found out the fucking bridge tower was not only hollow but that he could renovate that shit. You think his hideout is legal? Hell nah. This man is so fuckin lucky that he did end up working for SHUSH eventually. SHUSH keeps the city officials away from his hideout as one of the fun little perks for working with them. I honestly believe that SHUSH has always been Drake’s main income before Launchpad came into the picture. Launchpad is the breadwinner of the house he has a whole ass job as a personal pilot in Duckburg to some rich asshole Drake never wants to meet again. It did, however, take a good moment before he was working for them. He isn’t a full time agent he’s a for hire. They bring him on when they need him (or when he begs for work cause bro needs a hamburger please for the love of god)

It took him a nasty while to get his life set up to where he is by the time the pilot airs. But also from his start as DW to the pilot was almost two decades so like. Yk. He had time that’s for sure.

I don’t think he had any pets. I think he totally wanted like a turtle or some shit maybe a ferret as a kid like the kinda pet that is normal but not as common kinda thing. He never got one though

I also think he built a lot of, if not most, of his equipment. It’s highly implied that this is the case. The more fancy or expensive stuff he had help from SHUSH for but, again, that was a little bit into his carrier. Before he got SHUSH funding he would do odd jobs like mow grass or try to sell some of his less lethal and crime fighting inventions. Nothing lasted very long and he NEVER gave out his name. Drake didn’t start using the name Drake Mallard (a name he gave himself when he came out as trans as a kid to Elmo and his mom and eventually attempted to socially transition in high school) after high school till he met Gosalyn. She is quite literally the reason he took his civilian identity back up. She’s the ONLY reason. When he says in Darkly Dawns the Duck part two “if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have a life worth risking” HE MEANS THAT SHIT FULL CHEST. He is not Drake Mallard without Gosalyn I will die on this hill

SHUSH is the reason he even owns a social security number attached to his chosen name. He went up to them like. Hey. Do me a solid. I wanna adopt a child but I was like 18 when I started this and I don’t have much of a legal identity anymore. Of course, they set it up to where no one knows his identity. Like sending the forms to an undisclosed location then sending them off to a third party with no information about the situation to put into the system. Like shit was handled with UTMOST care and Hooter helped a lot with it. Darkwing is genuinely a huge asset to Hooter so he pulls a lot of strings to get Drake what he needs when he needs it. Having a guy on the outside who isn’t chained down by rules and regulations is way way way more useful to SHUSH than Hooter is legally allowed to say (also why a lot of SHUSH agents don’t realize or know why he’s kept around when he fucks up so much)

#this became really shush focused but also i like shush a lot #thank you double o duck for ur sacrifice #hex chants #drakepad-luv-2000 #darkwing duck #drake mallard

[sicksucculentz]

Littlest treehorn AU. Kai grabs Zane by the back of his neck and gets really close.

Kai: “I know you can speak you padded room goer”

Zane narrows his eyebrows as Kai and scrunches up his nose at Kai.

Nya: “Kai you better be getting along with that boy!”

Nya leans in the door. Kai has got Zane in a head lock and the both of them are playing it off like they are just rough housing.

Kai: “of course! I just love the little stink ball!! You know! Getting real used to the ferret and mildew smell! Jay is right! Very comforting!”

Nya smiles and nods as she goes back to what she was doing. Zane kicks out the back of Kai’s knees so he falls to the floor.

Kai: “oh you horses ass! Ill put you in the trash compacter you red ringed cheap ass Xbox motherfucker”

Zane puts his foot right on Kai’s chest, pinning him to the floor.

Zane: “tell Cole! I tell Cole!”

Kai: “AHAH!! I knew you could speak!”

Lloyd: “…..what are you two doing?”

Kai and Zane at the same time: “mind your own business green bean”

#ninjago incorrect quotes #ninjago zane #ninjago cole #ninjago lloyd #ninjago kai #ninjago nya #ninjago littlest treehorn #the littlest treehorn #kai dosent like Zane #they don’t get along #nya wants them to get along #kai thinks Zane is crazy #zane thinks Kai is stupid

[redpanther23]

Fuck you fucking fagget ferret gay ass queer ass pouf ass motherfucker go suck a mongoose cock

I know that's you, Jay

#furry art #furry #retro #grunge #fursona #punk #comic art #ferret #rabbit #ask box #punk vermin comics

[impishtubist]

Hi who is frank burns and why do we hate him? I wanna get on board without consuming media LOL

HELLO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

First of all, he's got an extremely punchable face, so jot that down.

He's inept, he's incompetent, he's irritating, he's racist, he's sexist, he's homophobic, he kisses the Army's ass, he actively endangers the lives of patients, he's Hawkeye's nemesis and we hate him.

Hawkeye calls him "ferret face" and I think that's beautiful tbh.

#i'm sorry it's too hot for me to type out a whole essay about frank burns #just trust me #we don't like him

[caxycreations]

Tylvinian Tales: The Wolf's Den

Chapter Six: Guardian

CW: Descriptions and Acts of Violence, Swearing, Slurs

Ferusian Law, Second Sequence, Article Three: Worker's Rights

Employers are required to grant the employed no less than two consecutive days off per week, and may not schedule any employed individual for more than sixty (60) hours per week.

The employed are entitled to legal protections in the event of workplace violence which they are not at fault for.

The employed are entitled to financial compensation in the event of workplace injury which they are not at fault for.

The employed are entitled to financial aid in the event of loss of employment which they are not at fault for.

Failure for any employer to adhere to this law is punishable by a fine of up to $25,000, and the loss of license to practice business for no more than two years.

I watched Jonas storm in and could smell the anger coming off of him. Tearing into the employee section behind the counter, he let out a growl that made my fur stand on end, adrenaline already rushing through me. David was back there bringing orders to the cook. I had a bad feeling, and stood up, ready to make a move if I needed to. I was glad I did. A second later I heard shouting, with Jonas' voice clear even from the table.

"You come in and steal my shift, you fuckin' fag!? Huh!? Think you got the right just cause you're the golden bitch!? You don't get to take my hours, you sad sack of shit! Every damn time I get held up, it's you that winds up stealing the time, I'm sick of losing paychecks over your fairy ass! The hell do you think you're doin', don't walk away from me you motherfucker!" He shouted, the employee door opening as I walked towards it, eyes wide and wild, a deep, furious growl in my throat. The snake at the register ignored the shouting. Other patrons were looking now, I could feel their eyes on me, on the figure coming through the door, a charge of pure tension surging through the air.

David came out of the door first, crying, tears streaking down his cheeks and matting the fur, speeding past me, barely registering I was even there. Jonas hurried after him. He didn't make it much further than the door. I grabbed him by the shoulder, gripping tight and feeling the bones crack under my fingers. He let out a cry of pain, grabbing my arm and looking at me in fear, his anger melting away in the face of a man a full two and a half feet taller, and easily a foot more broad. He looked up at me in terror, whimpering.

I looked down at him, not baring my teeth in the slightest. He was no equal of mine. I wasn't about to do him the courtesy. I kept my voice low, measured. "You wanna run that by me again? What'd you say to Davey?" I asked. My grip on his shoulder tightened and I felt the bones break under the force, the ferret shrieking. The other patrons were whispering behind me, and I decided pretense was worthless. I knew I wasn't leaving without putting the fear of Gaius into Jonas, once and for all.

I planted my paws firmly on the floor, taking a split second to double check my grip was right, then pulled my arm back hard, still holding him. He moved easily, hardly a challenge to pull as I threw him behind me, listening to the sound of impact as he hit the floor a few feet away. I turned around and growled, planting a paw on his stomach. His left arm useless, the shoulder completely shattered, he could only use his right. Grabbing at my paw and trying in vain to lift it, he whined, crying out. I wasn't even putting pressure down. Just keeping it exactly where it was.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm s-sorry!!!" He cried out. I glanced to the snake at the counter, who was watching with interest. I growled at him in warning.

"You gonna ignore this too?" I asked. He simply closed his eyes, gave the barest hint of a nod, and returned to counting the money in the register. I snarled, looking back at Jonas. "You got one last chance, an' if you fuck it up, ain't no hospital, an' no God, that'll be able to put your scrawny ass back together." I snarled, pulling my paw off him and picking him up by the shirt, lifting him from the floor and getting in his face.

"Got that, you rat-faced piece'a shit?" I asked, my voice full of gravel and malice. He'd been giving David trouble since high school, and no matter how many times he'd been warned, he kept lashing out at him, kept hurting him. I was done seeing David leave work in tears over this guy. And with the night before, knowing he was already hurt before Jonas showed up, I was ready to spill blood. Jonas nodded, whimpering, his eyes shakily staring into mine. He was whining, struggling to form words. I glanced to the counter. The snake was closing the register. I could kill two birds with one stone. Get Jonas one last time and teach this guy to pay attention when shit hits the fan.

I tossed Jonas aside, watching him hit the counter, an "Oof!" escaping as he did, followed by crying. The snake leaned over, looking at Jonas on the floor, slowly getting up. As the ferret glanced to the man, he whimpered. "K-Kaleb..." He stammered, only for the snake to hold up a hand.

"You may collect your final paycheck when you are no longer in need of medical attention. Goodbye." The snake said. So that was Kaleb. The big boss man. I growled, realizing why he hadn't done anything yet. He was too concerned with his money, didn't care if his employees were in trouble or not as long as his ledgers were in the green.

I snarled, turning to look for David. He was huddled in a back corner, at a table with a sergal I hadn't noticed before. The sergal was rubbing his back, whispering quietly to him, David still crying. I glanced back at Jonas, who was making his way for the door now, clutching his shoulder. I huffed, looking at David again and making my way over. Other customers withdrew when I walked by, some even going so far as to leave. I knelt down by David, putting a hand on his back gently. He tensed for a second before looking at me and lurching forward, hugging me and burying his face against the fur of my neck.

I looked at the sergal, who simply smiled and waved at me. Introductions later, got it. I held David, closing my eyes and letting him get his tears out of his system. He hadn't finished yet when I heard someone approaching us, and opened my eyes to see Kaleb walking up to me. I gave David a pat on the back and started to stand, the caxy letting go of me and turning to hug the sergal instead, crying into his neck now. I stood up to my full height, staring down at the snake, who barely came up to my chest. I was still angry that he had done nothing, that his register meant more to him than David's wellbeing or Jonas' safety. I hated Jonas, but it still made me angry to see Kaleb care so little when it was his job to protect his employees.

Kaleb looked up at me, his eyes locking onto mine. I wish they hadn't. My anger melted away, gone in an instant, as a paralyzing force held me in place. Those eyes were devoid of all feeling, nothing behind them save the cold, calculating nature that radiated from him. I couldn't move, and even trying to speak left me stammering. All from the look in his eyes. He stared me down before taking a breath and speaking, his "S" sounds sharp, and doubled. "You've harmed an employee. That will be quite a bit of insurance to bother with, Mister..." He trailed off, blinking. I felt a rush of relief, and found my voice.

"Ryder. Ryder Trayson. An' don't call me 'Mister' anything." I said, trying to turn back to face David.

He stopped me, grabbing my shoulder and drawing my attention again. I whirled around, throwing my fist towards him and connecting with his nose. I pulled my punch, just trying to get the message across that I had no patience for him, or his money concerns. He'd stood idly by while David was being yelled at, and again while I was bashing Jonas. He deserved a wake-up call. His head bobbed back from the impact, and he stumbled backwards a little. He stood upright again, first straightening his suit, flattening it out again before wiping the blood off his lips with a handkerchief from his breast pocket. "Quite a lot of force, even holding back, Mister Trayson."

The sergal stood, standing beside me and looking at the snake. I didn't look away to see his expression, but I finally heard him, his accent thick and clearly Dornumite, all strong vowels and harsh consonants. "Please, Mister Kaleb, it is best if we do not speak right now, David is currently under much duress, and-" He said calmly, and I couldn't help but chuckle in my head at the way he pronounced David's name "Dah-Veed". Unfortunately, he was cut off by Kaleb lifting a hand to silence him, the snakes eyes never leaving me.

"I am aware, Mister Mikaelson. I was not speaking to you. Please, sit down, enjoy your meal, I am having a conversation with Mister Trayson." Kaleb spoke plainly, and Mikaelson, the sergal, stammered for a moment before sighing. I felt for him, but couldn't look away to offer any support. Not for lack of trying, I simply couldn't make myself. Every fiber of my being was registering this snake as a threat, dangerous, deadly.

"It's fine, I got nothin' to say to Kaleb, so the conversation's over." I declared, only for the snake to smile. It was off-putting, and as the sergal sat back down to console David again, I wished Kaleb would just leave.

"Mister Trayson, I wish to offer you a job. As I am now short-staffed, I will be moving one of my workers from Lakeview, one of my other establishments, to this establishment, temporarily, while I search for a suitable replacement for Jonas. I will need to fill their vacancy as well, and have someone in mind to do so, but it will leave a void in the Lakeview's security department. I would like you to fill it." He said, his smile fading the instant before he spoke. He reached into his inside pocket, and my entire body tensed. He withdrew some papers, stapled together at one corner, and offered them to me. I almost slapped them out of his hand, but he pulled it back just in time.

"Take your job and shove it up your damn cloaca." I growled. He simply held the papers back out to me, raising an eyebrow.

"I expect no decision at this time. But you would do well to read the form, and fill it out if you choose to accept the offer. I will allow David to leave now, with a full shift of pay, as a show of good faith." He offered. I glowered at him, thinking. I couldn't turn him down when he was offering David a day's pay for barely an hour of work. But I hated the idea of giving in to anything this man wanted. Maybe there was a middle ground I could strike.

"Give'im the pay right here, right now, in cash, an' I'll take a look at your form when I get'im home." I countered. He shrugged, offering the papers once again. I took them, and he reached into his pocket, pulling a small wallet from another inside pocket. He pulled two bills from the leather and offered them to me. I looked at them, both hundreds, and without hesitation took them and held them behind me, until either David or the sergal took it.

"Two hundred. His pay per shift is one hundred and twenty dollars, but I believe for the emotional stress this particular shift put on him, a small amount more has been earned." Kaleb said before turning away, satisfied.

I felt my entire body relax the instant his back was to me, I felt that air of danger pass. I turned around and knelt by David, putting a hand on his back. He'd calmed down a little, clutching the bills. He looked at me, his eyes still wet with tears and the fur of his cheeks matted flat from the streaks he'd cried earlier. "Can...We go home, R-Rye..?" He whimpered. I nodded, and together we stood. I looked at the sergal, and nodded at him, baring my teeth enough for him to see.

"Thanks for the help, man. Davey needed someone and I couldn't turn away from that bastard, Kaleb." I said.

The sergal nodded, his brow furrowing almost sadly. "I am sorry to have been needed, but I am glad to have been helpful. Spasibo, you handled Jonas well, although I wish you had done so less...violently. It is unbecoming a guardian to defend only through fists." He said, standing up and holding out his hand. I shook it, one arm around David. David pulled away to give the sergal another hug before returning to my side, holding onto my arm. I took a step before stopping short, looking at the sergal again.

"You heard my name, never got yours." I said, the sergal smiling almost boyishly.

"My name is Luka. I am a friend of David's." He replied. I nodded, and while the sergal sat back down, David and I headed out of the café. He clung to me, shaking like a kit who'd been in the cold too long. His claws were out, digging into my skin a little. I didn't care. He wasn't doing it on purpose. We got to my truck, and I noticed something was wrong. Scratches marred the driver's side of it, and I looked them over while David made his way to the passenger side.

Deep scratches in the truck formed letters, words. "Wait and see", carved into my truck. I growled, opening my door and climbing in. Wait and see, a threat, and one I couldn't wait to meet head-on. Let that rat make a move. I'd dealt with worse than him. Looking at David, wholly unaware of the words etched into the paint on my side, leaned against the window. He needed a pick-me-up. Something to cheer him up. I started the truck, thinking for a minute before smiling.

"Hey, you know that place on the corner of tenth and Logue?" I asked. He nodded, a curious look in his otherwise dulled eyes. I grinned at him before pulling out of the parking lot, mapping the route in my head. "Let's head over there, see if they got anythin' new to play." I offered. David's eyes opened a bit more, a little of the light coming back to them. He smiled a little, nodding.

"Yeah...That sounds nice..." He said quietly, starting to purr.

Author's Notes: I do not like Jonas.

Tag List

@sparrowcraft @moremysteriesthantragedies @thetruearchmagos @a-scaly-troublemaker @that-one-enby-onyx @snakelovingnerd @the-chaotic-writer @leisoree @amerylise @profoundlyhauntedclaws @thefinalgoat @leisurelywingedlemon

#writeblr #relan #literature #fiction #modern fantasy #furry #anthro #anthropomorphic #Tylvinian Tales #TTC6 #cw slurs #cw violence #tw slurs #tw violence #slurs #violence #cw swears #cw swearing #tw swears #tw swearing #swears #swearing

[neufdoigts]

Finished the farseer trilogy... Have some.. thoughts .. spoilers obviously.. *breaks down in tears*

-every time I saw robin hobb recommended in a thread after I finished a fantasy series I would ignore it!? Why did I do that?? For like! 6 years?!

-if I read this in middle school I would have so so heavily imprinted on this book it's unreal - like I would have begged my parents for a dog and named it nighteyes kind of imprinted

-i know this because as it stands I have very much imprinted on it now

-i love how much hobb is willing to let her characters suffer and they don't even have it coming for them the world just sucks

-im a slut for the "you know how story ends before it begins" trope but it still managed to break me

-willfully forgetting how fitz was taking drugs for the skill and talking about how he doesn't talk to anyone he used to know at the beginning of ass apprentice and ass quest so I could be like >:'0 at the end of the series

-the parts where fitz talks about his mother and not remembering her, or feeling unloved while growing up at buckeep...it feels subtle and it hurt because it really felt like a thing that was just a constant background to fitz' life we never find out anything there's no reveals it's just like a constant dull ache in his life and like.. ouch

-like fitz feeling constantly used and lonely is honestly so heartwrenching and relatable and idk I feel like that has the possibility to be annoying to people because it's like why is he so whiny but I found it really realistic and I cried at those rants at the beginning of ass quest when he and burrich were yelling at each other and in royal ass when patience asks him what he'll do and fitz is like "what I've always done, what I'm told" 🥺

-when I started the series I was like oh my god he's a bastard prince assassin this is the ultimate edgelord set up but no the fact that he's a bastard is actually really ejsjsjsjjs

-this applies to all the characters that normally I would be like ok so regal is hot and evil I will probably simp but not hobb made me fucking hate him!! Burrich is the "old" gruff man character ok I guess he'll be really heartwarming but when fitz hated him in book 1 I was totally with him ok what I guess I'm really saying is robin hobb is a good writer and makes me feel feelings that she wants me to feel... 🤦‍♀️

-i don't like dragons because I'm scared of reptiles but at the same time I wish there was more dragons

-really appreciated how even tho this is generic medieval fantasy world it wasn't wildly sexist too for no real reason

-i LOVE HOW MANY CUDDLES AND HUGS ARE IN THESE BOOKS so cozy...makes me feel like there's genuine affection between characters.. makes me feel lonely as hell but it's worth it because it thaws my cold little heart

-nighteyes is the cutest motherfucker in all the realm every time he's like "I'm a great hunter I deserve pats and ear rubs" I'm like yeah big boy!! You do!!

-theres like a huge time skip between these books and tawny man right?? So like?! I don't know what the lifespan of wolves are but nighteyes is almost definitely dead right :( I would accept any bullshit magical way to keep him alive

-the fool goes from weird egg looking kid to toymaking priest not-softboy to dragon riding gay legend wish that could be me

-when I heard the later series were called like fitz and the fool while reading ass apprentice I was confused but now I understand I want to know everything about the fool I love him

-REGAL DYING BY FERRET DHSHSHSH amazing better than any ending possible actually

-when kettricken named her son sacrifice. I literally. Cried. Just little things like 6 year old fitz getting veritys old toys and fitz still thinks it's the best gift he ever got. Waterworks. Whenever anyone says they love fitz right before trying to get him to do something for them. Just. 🥺🥺🥺🥺 Stab me in the heart miss hobb why don't you

-i really love every single character in these books no exceptions they're all stellar

-my only problem now is im not gonna read anything new until like February also I'm sad that the next trilogy doesn't follow fitz !? 😢 But I'll still read it because I trust her

-somewhere between a 9/10 and a 10/10 I need to internalize this

#robin hobb #farseer trilogy #realm of the elderlings

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 310: A Tale of Two Kacchans

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Deku was all, “hey, you know what sounds like a good decision? Abandoning my studies at the safest place in the country so that the bad guy who wants to find me and kill me has literally nothing standing in his way of doing that.” All Might was all, “I fucking knew you were going to say some bullshit like that so whatever, but I’M COMING WITH YOU and I’m also going to invite the Hawksquad to come with us, mostly so that I can steal Jeanist’s car.” Jeanist was all, “okay fine you can borrow my car, All Might, but only if you wear jeans.” All Might was all, “okay sure” and he wore jeans and also sunglasses and a leather jacket and it was pretty rad. Anyway so now they’re out there fighting crime and hunting down the LoV and stuff, and absolutely none of it is going to end well, I’m just letting you know now. But I guess we’ll let them enjoy it while it lasts.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “happy belated Kacchan’s Birthday makeste, here’s the flashback you really wanted at long last,” and proceeds to pull the old vestige flashback out of the kitchen drawer and upend its contents all over my Friday afternoon without the slightest bit of warning. OFA III is all “WHAT’S UP I’M JUST SOME GUY, HELLO,” and okay?? Hello yourself. OFA II, on the other hand, is all, “okay yeah I have different hair and stuff, but I’m like 98% sure I’m either Bakugou or his goddamn twin, I mean look at me.” Which, yeah. I looked, and he really is though you guys. Anyway though, so he and OFA II basically just showed up in the First (who goes by Yoichi now)’s prison cell one day all “HEY THERE, WE’RE HERE TO SAVE YOU, APPARENTLY, ALTHOUGH WE SEEM REAL CONFUSED ABOUT IT TBH BUT HEY.” And so they saved him, and Yoichi was all “hey nice to meet you do you want to join my super-exclusive Saving The World Club”, and so they did, and then the chapter ended lol. I would have said yes too.

oh my sweet lord?? I didn’t realize we were getting a color page this week, but LOOK AT THIS

this could have been a fucking volume cover. I’m almost mad that it wasn’t, lol but I mean fkldjslklk just look at it??! Horikoshi out here spoiling us and making sure we’re well fed since next week the manga is on break for Golden Week. well this will certainly help to tide me over. hot damn look at those colors

so now it’s raining on some dumb building in the middle of somewhere

is this where the Hawksquad has set up camp for the night? or are we actually cutting back to the League? that’d be unexpected (but not unwelcome)

ffff nevermind dammit it’s just more random citizens under attack

feels like this is the third or fourth scene we’ve had of civilians being Under Attack since this arc started. I mean no offense, but I think we get it by this point. it’s the end times, etc. etc. we’re well aware that things have gone to shit

so apparently these two guys are facing off against a girl with a mutant quirk. and she’s telling them that she’s not a monster and she was just scared, oh shit. I believe her btw, you can see it in her face

but these assholes don’t believe her at all and they’re pointing what looks to be some type of support item gun at her

you know what’s interesting, is that this kind of random quirk discrimination is the exact kind of thing PLF and the like were swearing up and down they’d put a stop to with their glorious revolution. it’s almost like those guys were completely full of shit. huh

so yeah, fortunately for this woman someone is stepping in and intervening before she can be blasted to bits by this trigger-happy asshole for absolutely no fucking reason

looks like a hero actually stepped in and saved her?? but no that can’t be, heroes are the ones that ruin everything and make everything worse, or so I understand. lol where did all of this sarcasm come from out of nowhere dlkdsjlk I’m sorry guys I just suddenly got swept up in the hypocrisy of certain people’s philosophies out of the blue idek

anyway so it is of course Deku saving her, and now he’s trying to talk thess jerks down all diplomatically instead of just kicking their asses, which is certainly a choice

MOTHERFUCKER I’M

fucking impossible to miss the real world parallels here. shit. this woman nearly died for her crime of Walking While Having A Mutant Quirk huh. and meanwhile Deku is just letting this guy scurry away and even letting him keep that fucking bazooka of his, like, ????

fucking hell she’s crying!!

lmao this chapter is actively trying to make me mad now huh. that’s some genuine righteous anger I’m feeling on behalf of this fictional ferret lady whom I only met two minutes ago. girl you are not the one who needs to explain herself here!! you didn’t do anything wrong holy fuck. everything about this situation sucks so much

fkKJKLMMMHFGH

“I’m sorry I made you upset, please enjoy this panel of tiny!floating!Deku hefting this lady’s massive beach umbrella up for her like the fucking gentleman he is” well okay then thank you sir

and JUST LIKE THAT the tension is broken and I’m entirely incapable of taking the rest of this conversation seriously because Deku’s trying to be all calming and authoritative, but now the illusion has been broken because I know he only comes up to like her knees

“well thanks again for saving me young man. I’ll leave you to it, I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do like protecting your Lucky Charms cereal from all those greedy children”

oh hey All Might

you wouldn’t have just let that guy with the bazooka just walk away to commit more attempted murders would you?? man

OH MY GOD DEKU IS IMMEDIATELY DITCHING HIM AGAIN

I ~CANNOT STAY HERE~ oh, well, sorry to keep you detained I know you’re busy

dfslkjlk oh my god

fucking told you Deku didn’t pack any food lol. it’s literally all notebooks in that bag you guys. he couldn’t just leave them all in his dorm room when he left, because what if someone tried to read them and came across one of the pages where he absentmindedly doodled Kacchan’s name surrounded by little tiny hearts oh gosh

AWWWWW

I needed this Horikoshi. thank you for this wholesome soul-cleansing interaction after all of that bullshit earlier

so now Deku’s climbing up this tall building to eat his lunchbox more dramatically. Tokoyami would be proud

and Banjou is saying that society right now is just like in The Good Old Days (read: bad old days) when quirk society was even more of a mess than it is now

which is exactly how AFO likes it, no doubt

so now Deku’s having a whole conversation with Banjou seemingly out loud lol, weird. and he’s basically saying that they don’t have any clues as to where TomurAFO and the League are hiding right now, and none of the Tartarus escapees they’ve found knew anything either

mmmmmfmhm, marge simpson noises

but you think you can?? you, alone, by yourself?? you think you stand a chance?? I just need you to think this all through a bit more kid

Deku it is NOT JUST YOUR RESPONSIBILITY ALONE, PLEASE REALIZE THIS ALREADY. YOU MAY BE THE CHOSEN ONE, BUT EVEN THE CHOSEN ONE NEEDS HIS FRIENDS BY HIS SIDE GODDAMMIT

and of course my pleading is all in vain, because he’s a fictional character who can’t fucking hear me, and also because I’m pretty sure there’s only one character who is going to actually be able to get him to hear reason here. I’ve been saying it, and I’ll keep saying it lol. so until then I guess I’ll just have to be patient

anyway so it appears we’re segueing into another flashback??? HORIKOSHI PLEASE GIVE ME SOME BAKUCRUMBS BEFORE THE TWO WEEK BREAK, I BEG YOU

dlKSDJLFKWJELKGHSLGKLEKJLFKHLGK

YES, THANK YOU, I KNOW WHERE THIS FUCKING IS LOL, IT’S NOT LIKE I’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH FINDING OUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THE REST OF THIS SCENE OR ANYTHING LMAO. BUT ANYWAYS DON’T MIND ME, YOU WERE SAYING??

oh my god oh my god I’m not readyyyyy, but also FUCK YEAH I AM SO FUCKING READY LOL LET’S DO THIS

YOU GUYS

I’M ABOUT TO STEP IN THAT ROOM AND YEET ONE OF THOSE FUCKING CHAIRS AT YOU ALL

NOOOOO

I’M ABOUT TO GRAB BANJOU’S GOGGLES AND STRETCH THEM OUT AND SNAP THEM BACK SO THEY SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF HIS FOREHEAD!!! IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES!!! I’M ABOUT TO MOVE TO JAPAN AND GET A JOB WITH DOORDASH AND FIND OUT WHAT HORIKOSHI LIKES TO ORDER FOR LUNCH SO I CAN BE THE ONE TO DELIVER IT SO THAT WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR I CAN FINALLY ASK HIM “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” IN PERSON

AHHH NO EVERYBODY SHHHHH STOP TALKING!!!!

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THAT PERSON SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS IN THE BACKGROUND TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, OH WAIT, THAT’S ME

(」゜ロ゜)」 щ(゜ロ゜щ)

LOL THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! LOOK AT YOU!!! YOU’RE NOT KIRISHIMA OR SHINSOU OR IIDA IN A WIG OR ANYBODY LOL. YOU’RE JUST A DUDE. BROOOOO ABOUT FUCKING TIME, WHAT’S GOOD

I CAN’T SCROLL DOWN AHHHH BUT I HAVE TO BUT IT’S TOO INTENSE AHHHHHHH

I CAN SEE THE TOP OF HIS SPIKY HEAD, IT’S FINALLY THAT TIME AHHHHHHHH OKAY I’M GONNA DO IT HERE GOES

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IT’S HIM. IT FUCKING REALLY FUCKIGN IS HIM OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. WHY AM I SO SHOCKED LMAO I’M THE ONE WHO’S BEEN SAYING THIS THE WHOLE DAMN TIME LMAO. OH GOD. O H MY FUCKING GOD

well okay then sir. so are you an ~ancestor~ or a Kacchan from another timeline or so what’s your deal then

YOICHI WHO IS YOICHI

YOICHI ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT’S UP. LMAO WHO IS YOICHI

(ETA: I’m going to punch myself in the face lmao. he’s Yoichi. he, the First. that’s his name. name reveal at long last what what!!)

MORE IMPORTANTLY SHOULD I BE IMAGINING NOBU’S VOICE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE LMAO I AM ANYWAY BUT YEAH

(ETA: I actually think he’s going to end up being voiced by Nobuhiko whether he ends up being Kacchan or not, just because it fits right in with the general “identical in almost every way” aesthetic he’s got going on.)

TUMBLR HOW WE LIKING OUR ANGSTY ALTERNATE UNIVERSE KACCHAN?? EVERYONE HATED YOU SO MUCH BEFORE THEY EVEN MET YOU, BUT THEY FORGOT TO CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOU MIGHT BE HOT LMAO WHAT A TWIST

“some bright-eyed brat” oh come on. IT’S GOTTA BE HIM LOL

oh my god you all are probably TIRED AS FUCK of all my screaming but I’M SORRY IMMA HAVE TO DO IT ONE LAST TIME BECAUSE...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

that face. that expression!! THE FACT THAT HE’S OUT HERE OPENING DOORS WITH HIS FEET, LIKE HOLY SHIT!! JUST ADMIT THE JIG IS UP ALREADY

and so they really are the ones who busted First out of his jail cell huh

so how did they know you were in the room?? why did they come and break you out?? and how, pray tell, did they know to get you to transfer OFA to them?? hmmmMMMMMMMM

oh MY GOD

you guys. oh my god. it’s too much. every last bit of it lines up exactly with the Bakuverse theory sdkjfj I’m short-circuiting. it’s really fucking happening oh my lord

HELLO SEXY ALTERNATE UNIVERSE KACCHAN WITH HIS SEXY FUCKING SCAR, FUCK YEAH WE REALLY ARE EATING GOOD THIS CHAPTER

HELL YEAH WE’RE GOING. WE’RE GOING FULL SPEED YOU GUYS. LMAO I’M SO FUCKING HYPED RIGHT NOW I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF WEFKJLDKFFFF

SO, EVERYONE, LET’S RECAP. -- ACTUALLY NO, I STARTED TO WRITE UP A LIST, BUT I IMMEDIATELY REALIZED IT REALLY JUST NEEDS TO GO IN ITS OWN THREAD. SO I MADE IT AND POSTED IT, AND NOW I’M FINISHING UP THIS HOT MESS OF A RECAP POST. SO NOW WE’RE BACK TO THIS ONE FINAL PANEL OF DEKU EATING HIS KATSU ALL SERIOUS

YES SIR. YES SIR, WE GOING, FULL SPEED AHEAD, WHATEVER, IDK WTF IS HAPPENING BUT YES!!

lol, anyways so as I said in my other post, mysterious sexy guys with tragic pasts are what bring us together as a fandom, so whatever your thoughts are on the rest of it, let’s just rejoice in that. it’s what we deserve

#bnha 310 #midoriya izuku #ofa prime #ofa ii #bakugou katsuki #MAYBE??? #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

[letmeplaytheblues]

Grant's Farm Hell | Colton Parayko

A/N: 'Tis the season for my very specific hatred of Grant's Farm to come back in full swing. The camp story is unfortunately true, including the ferret thing. Somewhere the picture still exists.

This is really just my feelings projected out into the void. Enjoy this love/hate letter to a place I hold very dear in my heart

Word Count: 1.4k+

There was nothing redeeming about going to Grant’s Farm. You paid too much for parking, and if you didn’t park there and tried to walk over, they charged you money. But it had been decided that if Colton was staying in St Louis all summer, you were taking him to the places he hadn't gotten to go yet. One place on that list was Grant’s Farm.

Turning onto the street, you dropped your head into your hands when you saw the line to turn into the parking lot.

“Motherfucker.” you said, peeking through your finger. Colton just reassuringly patted your knee.

“It’s fine, everything will be fine,” he reassured.

Once you paid and parked, the two of you were stood in the line to cross the street into the tram depot when Colton wrapped his arms around you,

“What’s the plan for lunch?” He asked

“It’s 10am, but there’s food here. And beer, which you owe me for dealing with this right now. But we can go somewhere else for lunch. There’s a good Thai place on the other side of this area if you want that,” you reply, slowly moving forward with him still clinging like an octopus to your back.

“Noodles sound good,” he hums, finally letting you go to take your hand while crossing.

Getting up to the tram station, you tell the worker how many people there are before being told what seats to take. Colton’s face contorts into something questioning while looking at all the taxidermy heads that line the wall of the station. You just nod and take his hand, starting to play with the way his fingers interlock with yours.

Feeling the tram lurch out of the station, you hear the tour guide start the spiel that you’ve heard hundreds of times on previous trips.

“The water buffalo don’t exist,” you whisper to him as you start up the hill to pass the original cabin. Colton just turned to you with a concerned look, “They do, I just didn’t see them for a really long time, so therefore they don’t exist unless I see them.”

Colton just rolled his eyes.

Surprisingly, you were only stopped once due to buffalo in the road. Getting off the tram, you watched Colton’s eyes light up when he saw that you could feed the goats.

“Will you --” he started.

“I will take pictures of you feeding the goats, I will not feed them. They’ve chewed too many shirts of mine for me to trust them” you interrupt, gently shoving him towards the counter so he could buy food. Stepping into the pen, he was mobbed by the goats all trying to get to the ice cream cone in his hand.

“Don’t bend over, they will try to eat your hair,” you call to him, before pulling your phone out to take a video of this.

Colton was overwhelmed with the goats, but he thought he had everything under control. Until he felt something on his ass, and when he twisted he saw a goat standing on their back legs, with the front legs on his ass to chew on the end of his t-shirt. Trying to distract the goat with food wasn’t working and he ended up having to just pull the shirt out of the goat’s mouth and walk away.

“And now you’re officially a St. Louisan. You’ve been chewed on by a goat here.” You say, gesturing to the hand sanitizer outside the pen, “Please use that before trying to hold my hand again.”

Colton just dropped the cone for the goats to fight over before quickly stepping out of the gate.

After sanitizing, he took your hand again and allowed you to pull him around the area.

“There used to be elephants, but then they all died,” you say, looking over to where the elephant enclosure is, “honestly, I’m kind of glad they did. The zoo feels more equipped to have elephants than here.”

Slowly you make your way to the only good part of Grant’s Farm once you’ve turned 21; the beer garden.

“We drinking first, or do you want to go look at some of the horses here?” you ask, turning to look up at Colton.

“Can we get a beer and then go look at the horses?” He asks, looking around at the courtyard.

You shrug and start walking towards the beer stand, deciding what you want.

“It’s all Budweiser stuff, so if you’re not gonna have flashbacks to the cup win, get whatever. And if you are, don’t” His laughter followed you all the way to counter.

It was decided that you’d walk around the stables before getting back on the tram to take you back to the car and then you’d get lunch to soak up some of the beer. Peaking your head into the stables, you saw that some of the horses weren’t in there. Which would quicken the process and get you both to lunch sooner. Assuming the tram would be relatively quick to get to the station to take you back.

Getting back on the tram was uneventful, Colton made faces at the baby in the row in front of the two of you, making her giggle and making the butterflies that were permanently in your stomach start vomiting. He steered you clear of the gift shop by telling you that you didn’t need anything. You didn’t need a sweatshirt, you could steal his. You didn’t need a stuffed animal and you couldn’t send one to his niece. He made good points, and you really didn’t need anything that was branded with Grant’s Farm.

Colton beat you to the car so he could open the passenger side door for you, and before you could get in, he looked around before giving you a firm yet fleeting kiss.

*****

“Explain to me why you don’t like the goats?” Colton asks once the waitress has taken your order.

“Where do you want me to start,” you laugh before jumping into the story.

“I went to summer camp there when I was a child, I think my mom has the picture of me holding a ferret there still, and one day we got to feed the goats. And six-year-old me was about as tall as the goats when they’re on their hind legs, and it was traumatizing. Like being surrounded by goats who all want the thing in your hand and won’t back off. The counselors all thought it was cute, and weren’t stepping in to help any of the kids. Also, they chew on everything and I’ve had many t-shirts and sundresses chewed on, and then it’s just gross.” “I’m sorry, you went to camp there and you held a ferret? What kind of camp was this? Like they have all this stuff and all you did was be traumatized by goats and hold a ferret?” “In my defense, I thought they said parrot and then was very disappointed when a squirmy ferret was pulled out instead. Anyway, it’s like a right of passage to have the goats traumatize you at a young age. For you, it's just at age 28.” You finish as the waitress brings you the drinks.

“I guess our future children won’t be going there for camp?” He asks, sticking a straw in his water and taking a sip.

“No, there are better animal camps at the zoo, where they won’t be traumatized by goats or ferrets that were misheard as parrots,” you reply, doing the same, “I don’t even know if there are still camps there.”

The rest of lunch was mostly discussing the rest of the list of things to show Colton, things his teammates were up to over the summer, and what you were planning on doing when you both got home. Your vote was nap, his vote was trying to figure out if he can have a garden in the yard.

“Can I convince you to take a nap outside in the hammock?” he asks, finishing paying the bill.

“Too hot, too humid, the air feels like soup,” you flatly reply before bracing for the wall of heat you knew was coming as soon as you opened the door.

The drive home was filled with the radio playing quietly while you dozed in the passenger seat with Colton’s hand on your knee. Opening your eyes to the inside of the garage, you turned to Colton and leaned over to kiss his cheek before heading inside to collapse on the bed and take a nap in the heat of the day.

You woke up briefly to the bed shifting and a very quiet “Thank you for everything today,” before closing your eyes and going back to sleep.

#nhl imagine #nhl x reader #hockey imagine #colton parayko imagine #nhl fic #hockey fic #st louis blues imagine

[comfytaire]

i'm only about 1/3 of the way through the book, and every chapter is from different characters' perspectives but no matter whose chapter it is every time hickey speaks to them they're like 'and then that tiny little ferret faced rat-lookin-ass motherfucker says to me with his bastard fucking rodent little fucking face he says-'

#the terror #they're mostly different to how they're portrayed on the show except for that

[crash-cinematic-universe]

3am peter maximoff/me discord headcanons

the people have spoken. i edited it a bit so no personal info is revealed. also sometimes a ‘you’ is addressed, that’s my friend but feel free to imagine that as you. have a fun peek at my brain when i am not putting in Effort. also i misspoke its 6000+ CHARACTERS not words. i passed out after the final headcanon

- first of all. this bitch is Insecure with a capital 'I'. all his life he was told that he was a freak because of his mutation and then he believed he was a loser because he lived in his moms basement for a while and he just. he needs someone to tell him that he is actually great and a Hero

- I can and WILL be that person

- I think this is canon but ya know they don't really discuss this stuff in a superhero movie but. Peter is a whole ass virgin. 

- bisexual because no straight person dresses THAT well

- if peter was around these days he would be a retro punk type of person. I think he would like lemon demon but that might just be because i'm listening to lemon demon rn

- since both his parents were holocaust survivors he would be a huge advocate for human rights

- i'm not saying he would try to kill the president but that's exactly what I'm saying

- I think Peter would have a similar interest in children as I do. other people's kids are cool. Do I want kids? FUCK no

- if peter maximoff was a real person he would 1) be my bestie and 2) ABSOLUTELY have a weed old people music basement party with us

- he is super touch starved because most of his mother's affection was given towards his little sisters (his dad wasn't around because of the whole. 'not knowing he was his dad' thing)

- peter would cry the first time he got laid and thats all im saying about that

- he gives the BEST hugs because they are tight but not too tight 

- he smells like leather 

- not a headcanon but. I want to touch his hair

- Peter Maximoff just wants to be given affection and praise for everything he's accomplished. I would pull the sun out of the sky and hand it to him if he asked

.- this is going to sound like im Projecting but Peter would play bass 

- he plays bass because it helps him slow down and focus without being a drag on his personality

- hates water

- thinking about Holding his Hand makes me cry

- bro this is a FICTIONAL character I am being weird but I do not care

- dude I just pictured getting to wear the silver jacket and im :sobs: 

- anyways back to what I was saying

- peter could tell me that the only way he could ever be At Peace and Happy was if I grew wings and flew into the sun then I would do exactly that 

- he dresses in traditionally masculine and feminine ways because he is epic

- he just knows the power he holds in a skirt

- I am crying 

- low key hc him as nb 

- by low-key I mean not at all lowkey

- he is oddly good at drawing faces but nothing else. He can only draw faces.

- YES this is so he can draw the faces on the bodies i draw

- this man would punch a neo nazi in less than a second. no hesitation. again, the parents thing

- he protects his little sisters but like not in the creepy "whatever you do to her, I do to you" way. just in a 'dude I am literally an xman if u hurt her ill obliterate you' way

- hc abt me. I buy him shoes a lot because he is constantly destroying his shoes because he moves at the speed of sound

- living with peter would rock because 1) the whole space is clean in 0.000000000000000000001 seconds and 2) cuddles and 3) he showers in 3 seconds so the water bill won't get too high when i take 30 minute showers

- he is canonically a kleptomaniac but you already KNOW he is raiding and vandalizing hobby lobby because those bitches homophobic 

- I would force you to let him participate in 1 mcu cover (MCU is my mcr cover band called my chemical uterus where we replace half the words of mcr songs with penis)

- he is an xman which means he is athletic but begrudgingly so

- if he was real every Christmas i'd give him twinkies and he'd give me chocolate chips and I'd sob and cry for hours and hours

- this motherfucker would despise ahs because he doesn't like seeing people sad or in pain but he would still listen to me if I talked about it because he's cool like that

- dude no one would ever shatter their phone around him because he'd just catch it before it hits the ground

- I am trying not to make this sexual but. I mean c'mon. he can jerk it to the speed of light that's gotta count for something

- he can do FLAWLESS eyeliner because he practices on his sisters and i am Jealous thinking about it because i look like a raccoon when i do eyeliner

- peter would say acab rights

- he would simultaneously love and hate Jojo Rabbit. if he were real I wouldn't make him watch it very often but it is my favorite movie so he might see it once or twice.

- problem is. this bitch can't be driven ANYWHERE

- it's always "bro we could've been there and back by now. no dude you don't understand you can just ride on my back—" 

- any meticulous or "slow" tasks would make him really anxious and fidgety. unfortunately that just makes him more anxious because he's afraid he's annoying the people around him.

- ^ is that canon? probably

- retro gaaang

- arcade gaaang

- he would probably try to beat my asteroids high score but he CANT because im the asteroids KING

- literally I beat the highest score ever done in that arcade I am So Cool

- not a fan of stickers. too much responsibility 

- pet ferret 

- lowkey insecure about his laugh & his smile because a bunch of adults in his life said his laugh was irritating

‐  fuck you YES im projecting

- blue painted nails because he has taste

- king of DDR

- [friend’s name] you’re not reading this but he would kick ur ass in taiko

- halloween would fuck SO HARD

- space nerd space nerd space nerd space nerd space ne

- bro if peter was real i think id never infodump on my parents again

- a 3 hour rant about ahs from me

- a 3 hour rant about the solar system from peter

- my parents are crying because my voice box would implode on itself

- cud ddddleel ee

- i want him to Hold Me Gently

- i want to wear the goggles

- pink floyd party

- nirvana party

- mcr party

- crying on the floor because I love him so much.

- Peter likes to have his picture taken but he doesn’t want to see the picture. He wants to live on past his death but he does NOT want to see his disastrous hair

- speaking of hair

- yes i would braid it

- very nice color I want to touch it

- butterfly clips……………….

- in conclusion: I love this bitch and I will protect this bitch until the day that I fly myself into the sun

- also i want to kiss him on the m*uth

#peter maximoff headcanons #peter maximoff x me #god this is. borderline incoherent #have fun reading this and trying to decipher my brain

[almamaldita]

Everywhere That I’ve Never Been ~ Jack/Gabriel

Gabriel Reyes was trying to put the Shimada incident behind him… for now, at least.  Genji was Ana’s problem and Hanzo had become Jesse’s.  

Jesse.

No!  No.  He didn’t want to think about him, either.  Nothing but a damn ingrate… which didn’t stop him from worrying for even a second.  The waiting was going to be hard for him.  Damn hard.  He didn’t have a ‘job’ to do while they waited for things to cool off.  So Gabriel did what any good bounty hunter would do and found himself something new to work on.  He told himself it wasn’t to keep his mind from constantly fearing the worst; it was so those who attacked the Shimadas… who’d let all of the bounty hunters go without too much fuss… might be watching him.  And if he didn’t act ‘normal’ they might start to wonder what was up.  So - his job for the Shimadas was to do his job.

Fortunately, Gabe had a mark he’d been watching for awhile now.  He hadn’t made a move because he knew it would be a time-consuming assignment.  But now, that was exactly what he needed.  Des Kurzon ran a galaxy-wide smuggling ring.  Compared to people like the Shimadas, he was small potatoes, but someone was offering good money for him.  Real good.  The only problem was his group was tight-knit.  It would take time to work himself into a position where he could get close enough to Kurzon to take the guy for a ride.  Time he now had in abundance.

So that’s what Gabriel did.  He took his skills under cover, offering himself up to the group as a ‘freelancer’ at first.  It took a handful of ‘jobs well done’ before they made the offer to invite ‘Gabe Rivera Costas’ into the fold.  He’d thought about changing his whole name, but was honestly worried he’d forget.  Better not to take that chance.  Besides, he usually did his work in a hood, so even being one of the best hunters in the galaxy, he wasn’t likely to get recognized…

The operation, housed mostly on Mars, was more high tech than what he’d pictured.  The gang had a variety of ships - small and fast for delivering messages, all the way up to vessels that could hold a handful of the small ones.  It was damn impressive!  Especially since he hadn't been able to ferret that information out for himself beforehand.  Gabe began to wonder how much more he didn’t know about these guys… and whether it was going to wind up biting him in the ass somehow.

After being given a basic tour (and a quick ‘Hello. Welcome aboard. Don’t fuck up’ from his mark) Gabe was lead to a practice range.  Yeah… these guys really didn’t fuck around.  They trained hard (and from what he’d seen so far, they also trained young.)  Hell… some of them were younger than Jesse had been when he’d caught the kid trying to steal his ship.  Filing that unsettling information away for later, Gabe’s eyes focused on the range.  There was only one guy shooting, but several more milled around watching him work and cheering him on.  It wasn’t hard to see why.  He didn’t miss.  Not once.  They kept giving him different guns, and he kept hitting that center target.  It was… uncanny.

From next to him, Gabe registered his ‘tour guide,’ Reggie, laughing, “Felt the same way first time I saw the motherfucker shoot.  Guy’s a damn wizard with any piece he puts in his hand.”  He slapped Gabe hard on the back with a grin.  “C’mon… lemme get ya introduced.  Plenty of time for staring.  Des wants him to… help you out while you settle in.”  

So… he was getting a handler, then?  The hunter suppressed a grimace.  They really didn’t mess around, did they?.  Damn!  As they strode up, he was able to get a better look at his soon-to-be shadow. Gabe watched as a classically handsome man turned to talk to someone in profile, removing ear protection and then running a hand lazily through his hair.  Gabe was staring. This… golden boy?!  He was a part of this fucked up world?  The hunter wouldn’t believe it except for the obvious deference the others showed him.

“Hey!  Jay!” Reggie called out, waving in greeting.  Gabe jerked his eyes away from those toned arms and broad back as the man fully turned to face them.  Instantly, he found himself staring into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen - so blue they almost seemed to glow.  Subconsciously, he felt his own back straighten a little... and told himself it was ONLY because this guy could make or break his success here.

“Jay - want ya to meet Gabe.  He’s the new guy we’ve all been talking ‘bout - pilot who’s been making all tha Milky Way runs so fast.  Des wants you to keep an eye on him while he gets settled.  You know how it is.”

Gabe did.  Jay was the guy assigned to make sure he was on the level.  And probably to ‘deal’ with him if it seemed like he wasn’t.  In other words, time to play nice… regardless of how his heart seemed to beat faster with those piercing blue eyes on him.

“Looking forward to it,” he replied with a nod to Jay, intentionally not offering a hand.  No reason to seem too friendly, right?  “Wouldn’t mind sharing the range with you sometime, either.  I’ve never seen skills like that.”  That’s right.  Be friendly - complimentary - but tinge it with a little bit of challenge.  Let him know you can handle yourself.  See how he reacts.

@fidelismileslucem

#fidelismileslucem #Everywhere That I’ve Never Been #Space Opera!AU

[vivienna-vivid]

The masters of Red have no personalities so I made them up.

Feend vor Sembren

Ah yes, Nasuverse!Edgeworth

Strict AF college professor who actually cares about his students. They affectionately call him “Professor Fiend”.

W O R K A H O L I C

A total romantic who loves his wife and son. If only he made a habit of actually coming home…

Did you know this man is 52??? Did you know his son Fezgram is 24???

The only one here who knows how to be a functional member of society.

Pretty heavy smoker, so he has a raspy voice.

Surprisingly, Feenie’s a connoisseur of wine. Kayneth introduced him to a lotta high-end alchohol in their college days.

Yes, he knew Kayneth. They were good friends before Kayneth bit the dust.

I dare you to make vore jokes in front of him. I dare you. You’ll die but at least it’ll be fun.

Listens to a lot of 70s-80s bands. In case you’re wondering, he’s a big fan of Queen and Fleetwood Mac.

Pretty technologically advanced for a mage. His pragmatism towards technology was inspired by a certain gun-wielding magus killer.

Was married into the Vor Sembren family. Since he was born a poor boy, he’s always trying to prove himself.

His parents were Chinese Singaporeans, so he’s fluent in Mandarin.

Feenie’s magecraft focuses on transmutation. With select materials, he can transmute one thing into another. He mainly uses his magecraft to heal wounds and create pseudo organs and flesh.

Has at one point intimidated a person by showing them a transmuted heart and lying that it’s theirs.

His wish for the Grail is… Well, he plans to give the Grail to the Association, so he doesn’t particularly care about the Grail.

It’s to run away from mage society with his family

Rottweil Berzinsky

OH BOY LOOK AT THIS DISASTER.

Australian. Because of that, he has a noice Australian accent.

S H A R P   T E E F S

Man’s been in too much explosions

His Crowley-esque shades hides his lizard eyes.

“If I’m gonna do horrible things, at least I can make them FUN”

Think: Steve Irwin but borderline psychopath.

Is surprisingly good with kids! Rott’s the kinda guy who’d chastise a child for being mean and/or rude, but would teach them how to stab assholes. “Y’see a weird man offering candy from his van. Wha’dya do? Shank ‘im!”

Man’s a natural prankster. He’ll prank E V E R Y O N E and A N Y T H I N G.

Likes: Sunbathing. Hates: Cold weather and winter.

Thinks Gene Rum is a cooooooooooooold bitch with a stick up her arse.

Gene and Rott has some history. Both tend to be employed by the same people.

Rott may be a murderer, but he has standards! No killing children, no harming children, if employer does anything to children he will kill them.

Has killed more employers than actual hit targets.

In the manga, Rott can change into silver lizard form. He doesn’t like changing his form since the more he uses that ability, the more monstrous and mindless he becomes.

Rott is indeed a Chimera, a mage who is able to turn into an animal to some degree. He didn’t become a Chimera from his own volition, so that’s also a reason why he rarely uses his ability.

As a Chimera, he’s gained some lizard perks even in his human form. For starters, his saliva is toxic and has lizard eyes. He also can shed his skin to heal certain wounds. In Chimera form, he’s covered in nigh-indestructible scales.

Rott was an orphan who was adopted by a mage named Zagreus Berzinsky. The man wanted to create mythical beast of yore by forcefully fusing children with all kinds of beasts. Rott was one of those children.

Rott was able to escape with a few kids. Eventually, they made their way to the Clocktower. While he himself never went to school, he 100% made sure his “younger siblings” are enrolled in the Clocktower. It’s for their safety.

His wish for the Grail is for an antidote for Chimeratization. Oh! And to kill off Zagreus too!

Gene (Jean?) Rum

Gene, short for Genevieve. (Or Jean, short for Jeanette)

Straight-laced lipstick lesbian.

Likes books because, unlike people, they’re actually engaging. Nah she’s just a bit awkward and self-conscious.

Grew up reading Shakespeare, Arabian Nights, and Grimm’s Fairy Tales.

Since she’s broken into Ivan the Terrible’s library at least once, I can tell you that she’s a professional lock-picker. Wizard who took a level in Rogue.

Fluent in many languages due to her time abroad.

Favorite Genre: Russian Literature

HAS PUBLISHED HER OWN POETRY BOOK!! Though, it’s under a pseudonym and bringing it up will make her really embarrassed.

Thinks Rottweil is a bITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

Gene doesn’t care much about the morality of her employers. As long as she gets paid, she won’t stick her nose in her employer’s business.

You’d think she’d have Mystic Eyes what with her chilling side-eye.

Loves puns but you’d be hard-pressed to get her to laugh at one in public.

Finished her education in the Clocktower but chose to lead a life of a mercenary. Her family was… pretty miffed.

Never attends family meetups.

Org Rum is her little brother and his presence turns on her latent Cain instincts.

Do you have your rival family’s documents? Do you want to ruin them by exposing these documents but they’re encrypted? HIRE GENE RUM TODAY!

Gene’s magecraft focuses of aeromancy, the control of wind.

Her most famous technique is the ability to make thread-thin tornado chakrams. Anyone who touches these tordano-wheels will get sliced. If she focuses a bit harder, she can imbue her chakrams with lightning.

She makes those storm-threads with a small buckler-sized spinning wheel she bring along. It’s her mystic code and she’s very protective of it.

Cabik Pentel

The current patriarch of the Pentel Clan, a family of esoteric assassins/mercenary group.

Hardly ever emotes so it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking.

But he’s usually very honest and won’t sugar nor exaggerate his words.

The only reason he’s can understand other people (to a degree) is because his brother is such a good person.

Yeah, Cabik loves his brother very much. And as such, he loves his brother’s twin daughters. He’s somewhat of a cool uncle to them.

Doesn’t quite know how he feels about being patriarch since the clan is awful as all hell. He’s good at being an assassin, so he’ll continue the work in the meantime.

BOY ONLY KNOWS HOW TO KILL PEOPLE HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HUMAN, BLESS HIM.

Proud father of houseplants and a cat

Q: Weren’t you and your brother called “The Gum Brothers” in college?

A: ………………………………………Ah. So you’ve chosen death.

How many daggers does this man have? A LOT

Seriously, you’d think he has a limit to how many daggers he can carry but. No. He just… fucking pops out another pair if the ones he’s using are lost.

His twin knives are called Rahu and Ketu and he loves them very much.

The Pentels specialty magecraft is body modification. Cabik uses this to make his body pliable as fuck.

This bitch can basically make his body have the consistency of a ferret’s.

Need to dodge? Fuckin’ dislocate your spine! Gutted? Move your organs upwards to not make them fall!

Deimlet Pentel

The older brother of the Pentel siblings. Supposed to be the next family patriarch but left that position for his brother.

Big teddy bear man. Big teddy bear wrestler man.

“HAHAHA!! I AM HERE!!” -Deimlet (and totally not All Might)

Divorced man of two daughters. BUT!! HE STILL LOVES HIS EX-WIFE VERY MUCH!!!

“I may want to remarry my ex-wife. Or not, haha……. Unless…;)?”

Stronk dad to stronk daughters. He taught them how to wrestle and….. he’s so proud of them ;’)

MADE OF LITERAL SUNSHINE!! IF YOU SEE THE SUN IN MIDNIGHT, YOU MIGHT BE LOOKING AT DEIM!!

Super protective of his mustache. It’s his magnum opus so do nOT MESS IT UP

Legitimately hates the Pentels, but still loves his baby bro.

Q: Weren’t you and your brother called “The Gum Brothers” in college?

A: What? I didn’t hear you there! Mind *cracks fingers* saying that again?

While he married out of love, his responsibilities as heir-apparent (and assassin) made him incredibly distant to his family. 

When he was tasked to kill his then-wife’s brother’s family, he did so with much hesitation. Because of that, his brother-in-law nearly killed him and ended up dying anyway.

His wife was… not happy, to say the least. That’s why they divorced and she took the kids.

And that’s how he left the family! Killing, as it turns out, sucks ass!!

Good ending tho: he moved to Finland and started tutoring the Edelfelt kids in wrestling.

He’s… actually a masked wrestler there. He’s been on TV a bunch of times!

Joined the HGW mainly to make sure Cabik is doing fine.

Uses his family’s magecraft to super harden his body. 

You can’t gut this man ‘cause he made hIS BODY INTO LITERAL STONE!!

Man is just Indian Alex Louis Armstrong. Thatse it! He cannot change this!

#verse; Fate/Apotheosis #Fate Series #Fate Apocrypha #LEMME LOVE THE MASTERS OF RED #yeah i know these are just *my* headcanons but!!! they deserve love too!!!!! #feend vor sembren #rottweil berzinsky #gene rum #jean rum #cabik pentel #deimlet pentel #nasu won't give them love them so i'll do it instead #vivien talks

[windhamsrotunda]

***OLD AF BUT YEAH LET'S DO AN UPDATED ONE!***

1) hi yes I am a single motherfucker punk rocker and damn proud of it.

2) In a house of my own with ferrets. 😍😍

3) I dislike them, that's not hardcore.

4) I treat everyone equally with respect as long as they respect me back!

5) ....lol

6) *writing 5, too lazy lmfao* 1: I was born on May 23rd, 2003 on a Friday. 2: I'm left handed 3: I like WWE since I was little 4: I have 20+ band t's 5: favorite wrestler other than Brodie Lee is Matt Riddle.

7) Gemini: yes because I'm a morning person; I like to have fun and I just like being creative!

8) when I got noticed by Chris Fronzak lmaoooo from Attila.

9) ...just normal.

10) OKAY HIS NAME WAS TIMOTHY I GOT PHOTO PROOF OF ME AND HIM. HE TASTED LIKE POP AND CHIPS, I WAS 13 OR 14 LMFAO

11) *doing that later*

12) wake up, change clothes, wash face do hygiene shit, do makeup, listen to music, workout (not with lifts lmfao) check the scale, go on Social media, hang out with family etc

13) Owen Hart's grave.. (No lie)

14) when me and my nephew Jace was watching funny shit.

15) @kittysilver86 @biforbecky2belts @luna-obscura @xwicker-manx etc

16) I like it somewhat, don't bother me?

17) if it wasn't for this corona bullshit i'd already see Bray Wyatt, falling in reverse twice, and slipknot for the first time.

18) believing that ferrets are not that bad animals just have to treat them right lol what

Skip 19

20) very important

21) Beavis and Butthead

22) my hair, and my style of music.

23) lol you already know who ;)

24) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!

25) lmfao umm any 6'5 guy with a beard and long hair that can squish you. Or girls with septum rings, and is very hardcore.

26) *same as 25*

27) not paying attention

28) my best friend Aireona.

29) Not to be overly annoying

30) highs: cleaning more often. Lows: FUCKING CORONA TIME.

*picture of my ugly ass*

[crowsent]

My Personal List Of Karkat Insults

I used these back when Cherubplay was a big thing. Feel free to use them in your fanfics, your RPs, etc

Pisscouch

Ventripotent

Asscactus

Shitgibbon

Cretin

Douchepistol

Mouthvomits

Half-eaten Sandwich

Absolute Walnut

Spam Email

Soggy Lampshade

Buttplug Face

Toupeed Fucktrumpet

Utter Cockwomble

Moldy Leftover

Cranberry Fucknut

Useless Paperclip

Legless Table

Ass Dandruff

Warthog-faced Orangutan

Puerile Filth

Pile of Putrescence

Sack of Excrement

Catatonic Peanut

Ignored Text

Broken Headphones

Floppy Breadstick

Neon Croc

Insipid Petunia

Cockroach Motherfucker

Slackjawed Pickletits

Pugnacious Dish Rag

Hamster Basket

Ignorant Fuckmuppet

Snooty McSnotwhine

Undigested Burrito

Slope-browed Weaseldicks

Paint-huffing Shitgoblins

Mangled Apricot Hellbeast

Hemorrhoidal Shit Stain

Pestilent Little Toad

Inconsiderate Space Herpe

Witless Wombat Cocksplat

Tangled Headphone Cord

Uneducated Cat Penis

Unnecessary Stock Footage

Arrogant Beet Casserole

Unusable Bobby Pin

Wannabe Wikipedia Philosopher

What The Entire Fuck

Bloviating Flesh Bag

Shit-faced Ferret-Wearing Shitgibbon

-

Staple your fingers together

Please choke on your spoon

Bright as a black hole and twice as dense

Piss lord of shit mountain

Go fuck a cactus

Shove a cactus up your ass

Rusty used razor from the 1800's

Pile of wombat shit

I'd slap you on he head, but I'm not sure your brain knows the concept of pain

The human personification of Monday

Fuck me sideways with a sandblaster

May natural selection come for your pathetic ass

Human beings perpetually display an inordinate amount of infallible stupidity

You'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

Someone ought to rip your vocal cords right out of your throat

I'm not frivolous enough to buy your bullshit

Are you making a special effort to be extra stupid today

After evaluating your statement, I can conclude that you are a complete uneducated soapy dishrag

You ask for more stuff than the Red Cross

I don't even know how to respond to this bullshit

Disappointment wrapped in apathy and sealed with self-loathing

There is a land called Shitface Douchebagstan, and you are the king

You potato with eyes

Make like Icarus and fly into the sun

Well, I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong

I'm going to pour hot tea on your face

I get so emotional when you're not around and that emotion is happiness

Is your ass jealous from the shit coming out of your mouth

That skinny jeans must have cut the oxygen supply to your head

I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover

You're as pretty as a picture and I'd love to have the honour of hanging you

Pardon me sir, but you seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck

Why don't you pray to God to throw some brains down from heaven, or you know, a stone as long as it's well-aimed at your empty head

Consider me the king of weaponized profanity

I don't have an education high enough to qualify understanding the language of douchebag

Did the circus come to town

The biggest dick with the tiniest dick ever to walk the planet

Are you a professional at being a douchebag because you're doing a great job

I'd call you a dick, but you're not good enough to be one

It's amusing how you state the obvious with such a sense of discovery

You are not worth the calories I burn talking to you

Get off your high fucking emboldened horse

I will shove your entire upper body into your own ass and make you fuck yourself from the inside out

It must be hard being that stupid

If you're going to be a smartass, you have to be smart

I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel

Your birth certificate was a waste of paper

Congratulations, I hope you feel accomplished by the fact that you suck

More of your conversation would reduce the amount of brain cells I have

Stop poisoning the air with your toxic presence

Charientism is an art you have no skill in

I'd love to introduce your face to a shovel

Tell your intestines I said hello since your head is that far up your ass

Back the fuck up you soggy burger

From the very moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life avoiding you like the Black Plague

Pile of white crayons

There's digging your own grave, and there's blasting a hole straight through the earth's core and jumping right in

I'm somewhat of a bullshitter, but please, carry on, I want to listen to a real pro

Your father should have been a eunuch

Natural selection will come for you

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't be able to drive a tiny ant go cart a single lap around a cheerio

Someone ought to open an umbrella in your ass

Go contract a debilitating case of genital warts

Human equivalent of the common cold

Dog shit is prettier than your face

You seem to be having delusions on adequacy

Stop making me want to pick you up and shake you until your ass spits out the pathetically microscopic amount of brain cells you have in your tiny head

Take a swim in the Dead Sea

Look into my eyes and take a deep breath, does it look like I care

What kind of qualities do you have to make up for your stupidity

I want to punch down a wall and that's sad because I like my walls; they're freshly painted with a nice colour that looks better than the entirety of your face

You need to sit down and think about just how fucking wrong you are

If I want to be you, I'd put a fucking horse face on

Stop throwing a temper tantrum worthy of making my non-existent three year old kid die of embarrassment

-

....long before your parents squirted water at each other from across the clown car and then honked their bicycle horns to indicate they really wanted to make a smug, insufferable little clown baby together

...drunk on your own buzzword, incapable of forming an original coherent thought

...you display a lack of knowledge and a fundamental disregard for human nature so profound, you make me wonder if you consistently incorporate lead paint into your daily diet of doritos

...should be burned to the ground, the ashes salted, and the remains baptised by a priest willing to wade in all that bullshit

...supporting their moronic crusade of dragging everyone everywhere down into the pits of hell to rot

...popping up faster than an entourage of wild untamed forsynthias

...regroup instead of fucking playing whack-a-mole

...skills of a plastic houseplant

#hs #homestuck #still trash #writing ref