#generational trauma thing where it like that’s what he thinks showing care is preparing a literal kid for the BEYOND horrors of life & maki

[sseniita]

breaking generational trauma*

*pls give me a better name for this, im going insane

“She’s like me.” 

The villain stared at the child bouncing in the hero’s arms. The hero’s expression wasn’t unlike one she had when she begged for mercy on behalf of a civilian. Simpler, it was similar to when she had begged the villain to take care of her dog while she was away on a mission or when she wanted the last slice of pizza. Overall, the helplessly hopeful demeanor on the hero's face was one villain had become not only familiar with, but also weak against. 

“Hero, where did that come from? Put it back.” urged the villain, gesturing towards the bundle of blankets in her arms. 

“I can’t! I won’t!” The hero held the child closer, protectively, as if the villain was the one being irresponsible here. 

“Like you?” The villain asked, intrigued. “There is no one like you, Hero.” 

The hero readjusted the child on her hip, freeing one arm to grab paperwork rolled up in her back pocket. “That’s what I thought! Look!” She hastily handed over the crumpled up letters to the villain. It didn’t take more than reading the title for everything to click. 

“Experiment 02? You mean-?” 

“She’s from the same tests! We came from the same lab! They were going to do exactly what they did to me- to her-”

“Because of the success you were. I get it.” There was a pause between them for a second. 

The hero was godlike in some ways and machine-like in less important ways. A literal biological weapon, forged since birth. It was an experiment, you could go so far as to call it an accident. Purposeful or not, the hero was the result of a successful lab sourced super-power. It had taken many years for the hero to come to terms with how she became the hero she was, and even longer to investigate and ultimately discover who was behind all of it. Evidently, she had. 

“I can’t let them do it again.” She whispered, holding the child closely to her chest.

It was six months into knowing each other that hero confessed she didn't like being a hero. It was eight months later the villain found out why.

The villain sighed, motioning for her to walk into his apartment. Once they were comfortable on the villain’s couch, he began to ask a million questions. 

Where? A hidden lab. Why? She couldn't leave her there. Her answers we stable and much too clear of mind considering the hero had just stolen a child.

“How old is it?” He finally asked, skimming through the lab documents. 

“It's her. And about 4 months, I think. I just don’t get why they’re starting now. I never found any evidence to show they were doing anything before.” She restlessly bounced the baby. “I just don’t get it.”  

The villain raised a brow at her, she raised one back. “What do you know?” she scooted closer to the villain. 

“Superheroes are either decommissioned or retire around 50. But most lose relevance and popularity by 30. Whether it be they can’t keep their figure, or a newer, shinier thing comes around.” He scoffed. “Never ceases to amaze me” he said half-heartedly, staring down at the documents. The hero’s mouth dropped. 

“I just celebrated my 25th birthday?! You’re saying I’m old and ugly?!” The villain rolled their eyes. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re perfect and probably always will be." He realized what he had just said, he quickly interrupted the hero as she was about to open her mouth. "It’s just how it goes. Once you reach 30, people aren’t as interested. It’s fucked.” The hero quickly caught on. 

“So, she’s my replacement?” 

“Seems like it. Nova, she’ll be called once she turns 15. Thankfully, tests hadn't started on her. They had her on weird ass diet to prepare her, though. You caught her in time.”

The hero was sitting close enough that the villain could peek at the baby’s sleeping face. She was so serene and had no idea what had already been laid out for her, all the pain and suffering, in the name of good. She’ll have no choice. Just like the hero. The villain often stared at the hero in the domestic settings they sometimes found themselves in. He’d imagine her on a lunch break from some normal, boring office job when they got late night coffees during the hero’s night shifts. Or at a dinner party whenever they teamed up and went undercover at some fancy party. God- he would have given anything to save his hero from the fate that was chosen for her.  The little girl had chubby cheeks and looked so dreadfully soft. Just like the hero.

Shit. The villain thought, looking at the baby. I have a chance to save you. 

  The villain sighed and leaned back, done reading the crumpled pages, discarding the documents on the coffee table, defeated, just like that. It only took 10 minutes. Maybe he had gone soft.

“Eloise. Her name is Eloise.” He exasperated.  It was heart wrenching to hear the hero start to coo at the baby. “No living family.” He hammered the last nail on his coffin. 

“Hello, little Lulu. Is that your name? Lulu? You’re so cute! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you” She baby-talked, pecking kisses all over Eloise's forehead, evidently disturbing her sleep. “Oh sorry- sorry!” she whispered to the baby. 

She turned to the villain, eyes twinkling with hope. “I can keep her? Right?” The villain crossed his arms. 

“Hero, I’m not going to tell you what to do.” 

“Haha- that’s your way of saying you unconditionally support me.” She said as she cuddled the baby even closer. 

“Please let that child breathe, hero. You can’t hold her too close.” He reached a hand to push the baby a little further away from the hero’s chest. She beamed. “You’d be a great dad! Already keeping me in line!”

Please don’t start. 

 Despite himself, he looked for the best way to act disinterested and yet not fully close the window on that chance. 

“No hero. I know how much this means to you, but I’m not taking care of a baby. I’m not sure if you’ve forgotten- I’m a villain. This is no environment for a child- even if I wanted one. You have my approval if that’s what you’re looking for, but that’s it.” 

The hero ignored that, making a show of looking around the villain’s extremely cosy and expensive flat. Dark green wallpaper with flowers, a white brick fireplace with old books on the mantel. The place was decorated with the plushiest of carpets, and liveliest of plants. Each curtain hid a beautifully ornate window overlooking one of the safest areas in the inner city. The hero could see the hero offices which she resided in from here. Finally, her stare landed on the large spare bedroom where not only did the hero have a drawer of her things but had also spent countless nights in, recovering and playing patient to a medically trained villain. She raised her eyebrows at the villain. 

“No.” 

“Please.” 

“Hero. You are always the one saying you wanted a family. This might be your only chance- ok, I get it. But she can’t stay here. 

“I live in the dorms of the Hero Offices with 20 other heroes! I don’t and can’t have my own place! I’ll be found out for sure! There are probably a million people looking for her right now!”

“Hero-” 

“Villain please. I can’t let them find her. I need you.” She placed a hand on his thigh, seemingly not noticing the villain’s twitch. 

“Hero. I’m not a good person, you seem to forget. You cannot have that much trust in me-” 

“You are the only person I can trust. Please.” She begged. 

Perhaps the villain wasn’t the only one to blame, perhaps both of them had let this get too far. It started off normally, the fights, the one-liners, and bruises. And out of nowhere, the subtle flirting, the late night talks, the absolutely vulgar displays of emotions they’d never shared with anyone else, hit them like a brick. The hero had changed the villain’s life for the better. He no longer felt unbearably lonely and burdened, haunted by the constant terror and forcefulness of his occupation.

Villain had fallen in love months ago. And he had gotten far in distancing himself and learning to un-love. Now he had to take care of a baby with her that just happened to look like a perfect combination of both of them? His dark hair and tanned skin, her warm brown eyes and button nose. Just perfect. 

“Fine.” He squeezed his eyes shut as the hero leaned against him, setting her head right under his neck, thankfully she didn’t hurl the baby to give him a hug. Maybe I deserve kisses on my forehead for Gods’ sake. He quickly hurled that thought away. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She beamed, kicking her feet. “This means so much, you have no idea!” 

“Hero, this is temporary. If anyone finds out about this-” 

“Ya, ya, I know. Don’t worry. Everything will be ok! I’ll make sure of it!” 

The villain’s only hope was believing her. She was an atom bomb inside a 25 year old woman after all. Maybe he shouldn’t underestimate her. As she moved in towards the guestroom with Eloise, the villain watched intently, she set her down for a nap on the bed, and once she finally came out she looked determined and extremely excited. She plopped down on the couch making sure they were touching side by side so the villain could look at what she was seeing on her phone. Her fingers scrolled down a website titled ‘what to buy when you're expecting’ the villain groaned.

After an hour of the hero paraphrasing a multitude of blogs and villain jotting down notes, they had completed a list of things they needed to raise a child. The hero deflated when she mentioned how they’d have to skimp out on baby toys and clothes, but she quickly recovered after the villain reassured her money wouldn’t be an issue. Apparently villainy had its perks. 

“So what are you going to do about the corporation? Can you really make sure this won’t happen again?” The villain asked the hero from the entrance way. The hero walked over, baby in arms, the villain helped the hero get her coat back on. 

“Uh well. I maybe, sort of, accidentally, may have burned the place down…? Timidly she made eye contact with the villain who only chuckled. 

“I may have also stolen any hard drive I could have found and threw it in the river.” The villain’s laugh only continued as he put a hand on the small of her back and led her out the door. 

As they were walking to get a car seat- the first of many things on their list- the hero had asked the villain to hold Eloise while she used the lady’s room. She had been asleep when the villain got her but quickly after, she woke up. The villain immediately felt a panic and he feared she might start crying, he held her close, bouncing and hushing her to get her back to sleep. Eloise stared up at the villain for a long time before breaking into giggles, reaching her tiny arms up to touch his nose, getting the attention of the shoppers who started cooing at the handsome man rocking the baby with the loudest giggles ever.  

Right then and there, as he felt the tiniest, softest hands grab his nose, the villain knew he was completely and utterly wrapped around, not only the hero’s finger, but of these tiny fingers as well.

pt 2

#hero x villain #villain x hero #enemies to lovers #writing #original fiction #no i wont stop writing about dad!villain #there will be a part 2 cause i love them dearly #mom hero??? #dad villain #not proofread !!

[indigoipsum]

OKAY OKAY I have to finally express my thoughts about Kuro II after the rewatch

Me and Null agreed that episode 1 is just... a lot better than a lot of the characterization going forward. Despite the eye gouging (I cannot defend this. Alois is very mentally ill and needs to take it out on someone and I think he has misogynistic tendencies and self-hatred for his own femininity that he decides to hurt Hannah because of it) Claude was written more how he should have been the rest of the series-- stoic, annoyed, but ultimately showing glimpses of care or something adjacent for Alois.

Delete the filler episodes and add more Trancy house development in general.

Alois is a lot less malicious than I remember. Before the duel happens he's literally just going to show Ciel to the bathroom. He only tries to hurt Ciel when his life is on the line, and even then, he begs Ciel to try to understand him as he's dying.

NONE OF THE REVENGE STUFF MAKES SENSE!! WHY WOULD AN 11-YEAR-OLD ORDER THE DEATH OF THE PHANTOMHIVE FAMILY! Ciel is smarter than this! I know demons are charming but Ciel is an extremely smart kid and literally solves crimes every day. When Alois starts explaining things, you'd think that after the duel Ciel would actually try to process it before all the torture stuff happens. Also, why would that "arsonist" allegedly hired by Alois confess to it? Was Sebastian paying him off? We know none of this actually happened!

GOD Ciel's characterization is horrendous. He kills the alleged arsonist without remorse and then is prepared to kill Alois then, later on, is like "ugh I could never kill that easily" YOU JUST DID??????? Also, when he becomes a demon, he completely leaves his servants without any regard for their well-being despite them caring for him for three years. Even though he's a demon and such now, he's not going to change his personality like that. Sebastian was under orders by Ciel to find new staff, and instead of just hiring a really good cook, maid, and gardener who had defense experience or whatever, he took in three people who had nothing left but their abilities and showed them genuine kindness. It's debatable how much of the kindness was really Sebastian's but it stands that Ciel would not abandon his servants. At the very least, not Tanaka, who he's known all his life. He wouldn't do that to Lizzie or Soma or Agni either! He cares about all these people. So he and Sebastian are just wandering around flower fields forever? Why don't they just go back to Hell where Sebastian will still be his servant?

Another point with the demon thing: I fully believe that it was just done to pander to Sebac1el shippers (censoring so this doesn't come up in a search for the ship because that is the opposite of the goal here).

I forgot how creepy Claude was in the later episodes. There were parallels between him and previous Earl Trancy that should have served a stronger narrative purpose but just made it look like he was sexualizing the two boys.

There's only one scene that actually intends to make Alois' CSA feel disturbing, and it's when he's laying motionless in bed and saying how Trancy looks at him with hunger in a different way than Claude does. They were so close to the point! Also, one of the maze questions is about Alois pretending his trauma didn't happen so why do people insist he enjoyed his abuse?

When summoning Claude, why was none of the contract about getting away from Trancy???? "I don't care about that old pervert" YOU ARE BEING BRUTALLY ASSAULTED?? Sorry Alois would have def ordered Claude to kill him in my mind.

Every scene with Hannah, no matter how serious, portrays her in a sexual light and I HATE it.

WHY WOULD SCOTLAND YARD THINK THAT CIEL IS ALOIS. THEY HAVE WORKED WITH CIEL FOR YEARS.

The maze idea was cool but, again, executed poorly.

Grelle's characterization is better than Season 1 in terms of showing her skill.

The Hannah contract was still confusing after multiple watches and idk what was going on in that writer's room.

I think that's it for now but dear god. This series is so much. If all of Kuro II Tumblr was hired to write it then it would have been genuinely good

#kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji ii #black butler #black butler ii #alois trancy #ciel phantomhive #claude faustus #sebastian michaelis #hannah anafellows #black butler analysis

[peony-pearl]

There are so many factors at play with Zuko and Iroh’s relationship that could be delved into but were just never really addressed in the show

There’s the obvious ‘son replacement’

There’s Iroh wanting to steer Zuko away from Lu Ten’s fate (and essentially Iroh’s as a former proud prince and general who lost his son to his blindness in serving his own father)

There’s the betrayal aspect in which Zuko really did make the decision of what he wanted after Iroh begged him to take a look at himself (and then Zuko apologized for it later when he probably really didn’t need to)

There’s a bunch of little strings tying things together that just kind of fray at the end with no real closure.

Iroh begs Zuko to ask himself who he is, and what he wants. Iroh is hoping Zuko will find a future for himself there in the city since they no longer have one in the Fire Nation; but there’s most likely a definite motive in that he can watch Zuko grow up in peace unlike Lu Ten under Iroh’s care as a surrogate son; a second chance. Iroh is desperate and coddling and smothering. And when Zuko shows signs of old habits related to Ozai, Iroh gets scared. Going back to Ozai means losing his ‘son’; and Zuko being put back in danger that Iroh can’t protect him from; protection he didn’t give when he was scarred, but he can offer now in Ba Sing Se in the form of a makeshift family - but that’s not what Zuko wants. Both Iroh and Zuko have a tied sense of trauma that leads to a desire that seems selfish at first, but it’s out of a desperate want for family and love that they’ve lost and are wanting to reclaim.

It’s at the point where, again, I think Iroh should have also apologized to Zuko when they reunited - both for his expectations for Zuko to just turn away entirely from wanting to go home and for his anger in the prison. I think there’s actually a good bit of rebuilding on their relationship that could have happened, but they backslide with Iroh returning to Ba Sing Se at the last minute and to the Jasmine Dragon, which imo symbolizes a HUGE backstep since that was a place of hiding true identities even though it was Iroh’s dream job (I’ll get to more conflicted feelings on the Jasmine Dragon eventually). But for Iroh to straight up deuce out immediately after a reunion in which he could have now been Zuko’s only family post-war? uhh bad.

But also, Zuko and Iroh’s relationship could have begun a new transformation if they’d have been able to go through with Azula’s redemption arc. In my happy brain Iroh does stay in the Fire Nation (he gives the Jasmine Dragon to Jin/moves it to the Fire Nation or something idk) so he and Zuko can make sure Azula is getting care/that Zuko’s reign is beginning as smoothly as possible because there WILL be those who feel like a usurper and traitor has stolen the throne; they went from one ruler to another overnight; and even with the Avatar having been the one to defeat Ozai, Zuko hasn’t been around for 3 years and then was branded a traitor and then suddenly was on the throne - that’s grounds for some heavy questioning.

But back to the topic, I think it would be interesting if Iroh was still trying to get Zuko to have leadership qualities he was trying to stamp into Lu Ten, until Zuko finally snaps at him. Iroh realizes what he’s doing and he takes a step back. One day while checking in with Azula she can tell he’s not himself, and she teases ‘who spit in your tea this morning?’. He looks at her and knows that any discussion of his relationship with Zuko is bound to be sour since they still don’t have much of one, and he was highly prepared for her to be a casualty of war during Sozin’s Comet.

But he led his son to being a casualty.

He tells Azula he’s not sure how much more help he can be. His guidance is old, and he is still so affected by losing Lu Ten that he finds himself trying to reel Zuko back from anything risky.

Azula scoffs. ‘Must be nice to have someone so concerned about you.’

This hits Iroh; his realization that no matter how much he and Zuko could come together, other members are hurting. Whether the divide from favoritism or from different sides of a war have split them, they are still in pain from what each other has or hasn’t done.

Can he be the guide Zuko needs? Or could Iroh become something new for both him and Azula? Could he become someone new for himself and to keep honoring his son?

Iroh tells Azula he once asked Zuko to think who he is and what he wants; to which Azula replies ‘you didn’t ask him what he needed.’

and it’s at this point that Iroh makes the realization - he’s the one learning from the younger generation; especially Azula, who he was once an enemy of. If his guidance is outdated, then it’s time for him to listen, and if he’s going to be the same person ever again, it’s to be the patient man he allowed towards an angry Zuko, but this time it’s so Azula can have a safe soundboard so she can recover. It won’t be easy.

But they’re alive. And they can keep trying so long as they don’t give up on each other, and they don’t revert back to the safety of old habits and being who they think the other wants them to be.

#atla meta #Iroh #Zuko #Azula #atla

[sparrow-in-boots]

this is my Bill Miles rant.

this is it. this is what you're about to read, yipee hurray! i'm about to rawdog this pustule of a man on a table, and i'm dissecting why he's such a tentative yet counterproductive evolutionary reaction to a shitty situation that ends up causing more problems than it fixes. yknow, like a pustule.

this is gonna be long and rough (honestly the innuendos just write themselves don't they), about 3.7k words long to be precise. this thing needed headings ffs. so take your time with it is what i’m saying xvx

also if you haven't already, I'd recommend checking out my previous Daniel and Lucy posts for further context as i'll bring back stuff from them in here. call it a series what the heck.

now, onto the Billiam

I could do a whole thing here where i explain and contextualize where he's coming from, and how the way he's worked for the brotherhood and later raised his son ultimately made sense from his point of view, etc etc. but i think we're all familiar with that exercise. 'Understandable' doesn't make it right or even smart, and anyone with some understanding of generational trauma and dealing with an emotionally stunted parent already knows the drill here. I'm not gonna break any new ground delving into it so i won't bother. We got bigger fish to fry here.

I will establish though, Bill is a man of action, few words and even fewer expression of emotions. I can draw a direct parallel to the Levantine brotherhood and their strict hierarchy and the ultimate authority of their grandmaster. Not mentor mind you, that's a title for later in the brotherhood's history. Al Mualim is the master, the leader, the head of the order, and his word is law and the tenets and maxim are sacred. If he tells you you should die for his will, then you will do it and gladly, because you're serving the brotherhood's higher purpose. I'm not here to argue the morals and ethics of that, just saying it like it is.

Bill may not be as strict as all that, in fact he's very much not and he couldn't if he tried (and i gotta say, i don't think he would try), but he certainly reflects that resolute certainty in the brotherhood's beliefs and what is needed to face their enemy. The templars are everywhere, they have their grasp in everything, and so you must be willing to give everything to push them back.

In his eyes, all the hardships that he put Desmond through in his youth were necessities. For the brotherhood, they are at war, and as such he saw it as an act of love and care to prepare Desmond for the worst. But he was so lost in a world of casualties and soldiers that he forgets all too often that people are, people.

Soldiers are human beings first and foremost, and to strip them of humanity may be argued as a necessity of war but it strips the brotherhood of its most fundamental goals. Human lives, human worth, humanity itself, are worth preserving and protecting in all its forms, that's the freedom they fight for. It's messy and complicated but it's beautiful and it's to be celebrated, not suppressed. To deny humanity for the sake of neat and clean order and hierarchy is what the templars want, and you can't fight that by becoming it. You fight it by opposing it. That's why Al Mualim turned, and that's why Altair had to kill him and rework the brotherhood from the ground up, even if he hadn't been twisted by the Apple. And that's why I wanna draw out the parallel between Al Mualim to Bill first.

BILL HAD A FARM EEAH EEAH YOH

In AC1 we're served a narrative that the templars and the brotherhood are not so different and they both want the same thing, "peace, in all things", but they have opposing views on how to achieve it and that's where their conflcit lies. Simple enough premise, and they do a pretty good job of showing how those two militaristic orders view the world and how to achieve their goals, and in what form those orders now exist in the modern world. Back then it made sense for the Farm to be an isolationist cult, it was a perfect mirror for the isolated Masyaf fortress and their secretive nature, but as the narrative developed in the next games, that contextualization just grew more and more flawed. The brotherhood had grown, branched out, coexisted in various time periods and cultural contexts, and it no longer made sense for them to be a remote cultish commune in the middle of nowhere.

Which leads me to believe that it was pretty much Bill's idea from the start. If you'll allow me to extrapolate some character beats, it's no secret that he's got a deep respect for the brotherhood, and I'd assume that includes Altair and Ezio given how their mentorship stirred the entire brotherhood into new eras. They are legendary figures in their history, they got statues of them in the brotherhood headquarters, it's really not subtle.

As such, one can see him trying his best to lean on their teachings, if not try to emulate them a bit. He's secretive, resolute, stubborn, all qualities we see of Altair and Ezio in the Animus and were likely exagerated over the centuries. In The Fall (comic), we see that the brotherhood had a whole secret library worth of knowledge before it was ransacked during the Great Purge, and it's not too far to assume that Bill spent some time digging through those archives in his youth. He was born in the brotherhood after all.

Grueling training, blind trust in your betters and the creed, secretiveness, emotional distance. All things we see in both the Farm and the Levantine brotherhood, a holdover from the smaller scope of AC1 that leads me to think this was a bit of Bill's bout of hero worshipping to maybe recreate the conditions that created the assassins of old. We don't know what the rest of the brotherhood thought of the Farm exactly, i can't find or recall any particular bit of lore that addresses it except from an outside perspective; all we get is Desmond's own comments on his experience based on his memories in ACR. Even when he speaks of it to others, they give no opinion of their own on the matter.

Bill might be so focused on the environment that created an assassin like Altair, that he forgets that the man then went over to rework the brotherhood to keep what happened to him from happening again. He fostered curiosity and understanding in his order, leading to many changes that carried on through the ages to the modern day. It was Altair learning to question and doubt his master, the man he'd follow blindly and without question once, that led to the survival and growth of the order. In fact, Altair puts his trust blindly in his assassins to protect him when he goes to confront Abbas, to keep him safe and help restore the order once again. Not the other way around. And when he saw that same curiosity and doubts in his son, he sought to stamp it out instead of seeing it for what it was.

Desmond left not just because he was terrified (his words not mine) of the training, the harshness, and the bland food. If we're being honest, he's found that in spades in the outside world too. No, he left because the Farm asked for blind trust and respect that was not shown to him in return. When he asked questions, they ignored or waved him away, and so as they dismissed his interest in truly understanding what was being taught, he gave them the same.

I'll give credit where it's due, he does apologize and offers a truce to Desmond. Grated, he doesn't get much of a chance to show how much he's changed exactly, especially in the minutiae of daily life with the team, and it's a rather wishy-washy apology overall. But it's something and more than most people get in real life. Desmond is gracious enough to take it and even does his best to give him a chance, which is more than most anyone would, and that says more about him than Bill.

Regardless, I want to chalk up this apology as rushed writing rather than Bill being actively manipulative by saying what Desmond would like to hear. I don't want to give the writers credit for writing some 4D chess mind game powers onto him. I'm not even a fan of the "two Bills on Lucy's emails" thing, that's just poor retcon to fit the "Lucy is a templar" plotline.

the tangent - YOU GOT MAIL

Speaking of, i wanna get into that for a moment. As far as i could dig up, we had no confirmation of why Lucy had to die besides fan theories, and then the ACR dlc dropped. It was further commented on AC3 and most importantly, several retcons that included Lucy being a sneaky templar were released in the Initiates web project. That included much of the Project Siren lore, reactions to her death among the templars, her leaving the memory core for Vidic's goons to find, and of course the retcon that she was in contact with two separate Williams. All this to say, we can't say for sure if the writers knew how they wanted to handle her cliffhanger death in ACB even when ACB itself came out. So this?

That was meant to be our introduction to Bill's character. Those are the words of a man who sent a 16yo girl into the world to fully fend for herself on her own against a corporation so powerful it's almost impossible to comprehend. And now that she's back among the community that dropped her into such a grueling situation, this is his reaction to her showing care and concern for another human being, who by the way is his own son?? Holding up all that she's suffered through over her head like compassion would invalidate all that?? I sincerely lack the words.

Well, actually Desmond said it best.

Right then, Bill really isn't better than them. He's just another cold calculating asshole who's so set on a nebulous future victory that he refuses to see the lives he's trampling on to get there. He's done it to Lucy, to Clay, to Desmond, and even to Shaun and Rebecca to an extent, and they are just the ones we know of. The Great Purge is no excuse for this behavior, that's not the time to grow apart, but closer and show sympathy and kindness to his fellow assassins. Some distant war general figure moving faceless pieces on the board is the last thing they want right then, or might even need.

We can see in this one email just how dire the situation is with how Rebecca even refuses to put a subject on the email. Opening up and being vulnerable is something to be done in quiet and secret, almost like it's a burden to show how much things are affecting you, and that's so messed up. Even in the army, you can see gallows humor and dark jokes to cope with the horrors soldiers go through, but we don't even get that amongst the team. When you approach Lucy as Desmond, it's often him showing her kindness and comfort and reassuring her through her doubts and fears, and she doesn't hesitate to share them with him and I think it has a lot to do with how they are both apart from Bill's influence. Lucy has her own cans of worms to deal with, but between her and Desmond, there's a measure of closeness and trust you don't see with the others.

I know, your boss is not exactly the person you might want to pour your heart out to, but come on! How powerful and rallying would it be to see your leader across the room and feel comfortable and safe enough to just sit together and talk?? It can't be overstated how much it matters that any movement that places itself against the current system must prove itself as... different from that system. It's the literal bare minimum here. If you say you care about humanity but you won't care for the humanity of your members, then... what are you even doing?

tangent done - BACK TO THE BIG PICTURE

I wanna take a quick step back for a bit. AC3 portrays Bill as a man who sees his actions as justified, who sees that his ends justify the means. It leads us down a doomed horseshoe theory that coupled with the deeply complicated historical time in the ancestral plotline, makes for a very murky and confusing narrative. The more you look at it, the less clear or discernible the themes get. It raises a lot of complex points but never closes or even shows where they are going with them.

Now, horseshoe theory is an erroneous concept that has been critiqued to hell and back, and to use it as a way to tie the modern and ancestral timelines in an attempt to create a "'we're all the same" theme is... the worst possible way to go about it. Doubly so when it’s often appropriated by right-wing pundits to vilify their political opponents. You can't make the protagonists ponder on how to hold hands and sing kumbaya with a death cult to avoid Armageddon while the writers are going "bUt ThEy ArE bAd ToO" because of one guy (who you're also attempting to redeem) who deems the inherent human need for connection as "being too weak". Even that is enough of a mess, but add to it the whole deconstruction of the war of independence and the sheer horror that the colonies were for the indigenous people back then and all the way up to this day... Where are the writers even going here??

We get more conversations about how allying with the templars is not a possibility than any proper address on Lucy or the entire situation that led to her turning, much less who's to blame, how can they avoid this in the future, how the protagonists even feel about all this. Just excuses for why it had to happen, there was no other way, let’s move along now, nothing to see here. In AC2 and ACB we got some neat and tidy convos that made sense to be bite-sized, concise little bits of characterization and presenting themes and concepts for the worldbuilding. But in AC3, we get convos that could have been entire cutscenes, whole dialogues amongst the characters to reckon with all that's been happening. Instead we waste cutscene time with fucking Juno and the Isu failed attempts that don't fucking matter to the story they should be focused on telling.

Which is why I want to talk about Haytham.

THE HUMAN PROBLEM

I bring him up because AC3 clearly wants to parallel his and Connor's relationship with Bill's and Desmond's. Which, personally i think it gives off the feeling that it's supposed to be a "hey it could be worse" at Desmond. I think we can agree that's a sucky attitude to have towards anyone who's suffered family trauma like Desmond did, and it also kind of diminishes the weight of the colonial era storyline. But since the game wants to talk about it, then let's talk about it.

Haytham is one more indoctrinated assassin-to-templar character, which is it's own mirror to Daniel and Lucy, but this is not about them. Haytham is cold, pragmatic, relentless and so calculating. He was warmer and kinder when he was younger, even a rather gray character, but all that is lost the longer he spends as the templar grandmaster. He did care for Connor in his own way and wanted to bring him to their side if only so that he wouldn't have to kill him, but if it came to it, he would have as we see in the game multiple times.

And as far as the game is concerned, that's also Bill. They are both two men who got worn down into their respective roles and lost sight of what's truly important. Except, we don't know that. We see it with Haytham plain as day in the prologue, but we don't know how Bill was in his younger years. We know about a few missions he took that involved the Animus project, but besides that we don't know what kind of man or even child he was. We don't even know what his dynamic with other people is, how he is with his wife, does he have family? Siblings, parents, cousins, anything? Does he even care? What about friends and colleagues? Hell, we don't even know what he's like in action, the Cairo mission happens off-screen and Desmond handles their escape with the Apple. All we see of him in AC3 is how he's an emotionally stunted bossy guy, and anything else is told, never shown.

Haytham however, gets a prologue and several missions in-game, and even a whole side novel from his point of view.

As such, I'm reluctant to extrapolate the kind of man Bill is based off of Haytham alone, because again they not only exist in very different times and contexts, but there's a severe imbalance in screentime. What I can do however, is compare their "ending" as it were.

Haytham dies by the hands of his own son. He had the chance to put his ego aside and listen to his son, maybe put his cards on the table and explain the misunderstanding about the attack on Connor's village, but he didn't. He decided to hold that information until it was the most convenient to him, and then try to use it to manipulate Connor into switching sides. He refused to put aside the grandmaster role and step up as a father, or even as a man who cared about someone else's feelings. Whatever his feelings for Ziio and his son, they came second to the templars and their goals, and that was his death sentence. To his dying breath, he held true to that mentality.

Bill however, despite apologizing, hasn't shown much of the work to change. He and the brotherhood remains stagnant and withering, and in the face of the person he's hurt the most and is still alive to make amends to, he remains distant and reticent. All the efforts to connect and deepen whatever there is between them needs to come from Desmond, and every attempt to reach out to the outside gets shut down. It's Desmond refusing to give up on him that saves his ass even! Given the state of their relationship, that fucking SUCKS.

It shouldn't be up to Desmond to fix what Bill wrecked back at the Farm, and portraying otherwise, like Desmond is the one who messed everything up, is ass backwards. The brotherhood and Bill should be bending into knots to convince him to stay and that things aren't as they were once, but Desmond decided to stay long before. Because one the templars suck, two Desmond got the proof he always had asked for as a child and three, Lucy showed him kindness and understanding. One might even go so far as to say that it was living Altair's own rebirth period is what reassured those questions he had and gave him true understanding, but Lucy gave him hope in a hopeless situation.

That's powerful not just as a narrative point but as a theme for the assassins as a whole. The games continue to portray the brotherhood as a beacon of hope against the oppression and tyranny of the templars (even for the modern days through the glyph puzzles in AC2 and ACB) but Bill, the face of the brotherhood as the de-facto mentor, is himself as a tyrant.

One would expect AC3 to show him either follow Haytham's fate or change himself to avoid it, but we're denied that kind of development. Even in the Initiates web project and subsequent games, Bill's change is kind of handwaved. He lost the will to fight and vanished but then he saw the desecration of his son he barely showed to give much of a shit for, and now he's back and Mentor again? He's awkward and trying to be approachable in Origins but he's still rather overconfident and posturing too much for his own good.

(I mean, sitting within range of Layla's blade before she's even out of the Animus? Bold fucker.)

If they truly wanted to grapple with Bill and his place and role in the story they spun us, which I assume they do since he's the one who does the intro to the AC3 game, then they should have DONE THAT. Make him face the consequences of his choices and actions, and make the team hold him responsible for it. Make him soften and change, not just give us a pitiable hug and a meek little "Son..." just before Desmond sacrifices himself. Seriously, what gives?

One of the biggest failures in AC3 is their horrid sense of narrative prioritizing with the modern timeline. They tried to close too many threads at once with not nearly enough screentime, and wasted time on needless fluff. But most importantly, I think that the games after ACB have a human problem, in that they refuse to acknowledge the humanity in the modern timeline.

Bill could have been an incredible display of change, that the templars aren't the superior mentality that can turn anyone who spends long enough around them like some brain-corroding virus. Show that the brotherhood still has a chance and that no one is above humbling themselves or beyond bettering themselves, and most of all that the brotherhood can indeed bring hope in a hopeless situation, and community and understanding can make a difference. And since they are so touchy about murder all of a sudden, also show that the assassins are capable of doing more than just killing people.

But we don’t. We don’t get any of that. We’re once again denied of any development that would make any kind of statement that would shift the status quo and make them pay attention to the modern timeline and what they’re doing with it. And worst of all, we're denied any development that would bring us closer emotionally to these characters and make us ponder our place in the world and in history. Cus god forbid the series that has “history as its playground” learn anything from it.

#assassin's creed #william miles #bill miles #ubisoft bullshit #ac meta #ac3 #pardal rambles #i wrote this in a fucking fervor wtf #adhd took the wheels ahaha

[nowis-scales]

Ryoma Birthday Headcanons

It’s the first day of May, and so that means that it’s Ryoma’s birthday! Per the usual when there’s a Hoshidan royal with a birthday, I have to write a set of birthday headcanons to celebrate them. Hopefully you enjoy this year’s round!

‣ So you know how for years, there’s been that joke about that Ryoma’s probably like, really annoyed that Xander is taller than him? My hot take on this is that initially, he didn’t really care. Whatever, right? It’s not like he can control his height by sheer force of will, and Ryoma quite likes not having to duck through the average doorway. However, once everyone else started pointing out as a big deal to him… yeah, admittedly, he started to get more grumpy about it. Only problem is, he won’t admit to being grumpy about it, so he’s just standing there like “yeah whatever, I don’t care” when it is just so, so painfully obvious that he cares.

‣ You remember how last year, for Sakura's birthday, I mentioned that one of her siblings lost a tooth by falling down the stairs when they were little? Yeah, that was Ryoma. He was about six when it happened, and of course it was on one of the big stair cases leading up to Castle Shirasagi. Thankfully he was one of those kids that was just like, strangely durable, so he didn’t really cry when it happened. He was far more excited that one of his teeth had been knocked out, and kept trying to excitedly show Sumeragi and Ikona, who were so busy checking him over for cuts and bruises and whispering to each other “oh my gods we’re such terrible parents” to initially understand what their son was trying to show them. Sumeragi used to love to tell that story to people. Fuuga still laughs about it.

‣ According to the 4koma anthology comics, Ryoma is for the most part pretty honest, but he’ll still soften the blow on a lot of things if he can. However, if you really want to see Ryoma at his peak honesty, just talk to him when he’s sick. He doesn’t have the energy to put things into a nicer delivery. Oh, you want him to do politics with a fever, chills, and upset stomach? Fine, but you’d better be prepared to paraphrase literally everything he said in response to that daimyo’s questionable idea, because there’s no way you’re going to be able to deliver anything Ryoma said upfront. And don’t even bother asking about Ryoma’s general symptoms unless you’re the healer — he’ll tell it to you in grouchy, pouting detail.

‣ One of Ryoma’s worst fears is being helpless in any situation. When he’s put into a position where he can’t do anything, he’ll start to panic. This often means that he will do anything he can get to get out of it, even if it means doing something underhanded or against his typical moral code. That's also part of the reason why he can be characterized as impulsive or stubborn at times: he cannot give into a helpless situation. He needs to be able to take some sort of action to make things "right". If he doesn't feel that he has sufficiently acted, then he can never make peace with what happened. In the back of his mind he knows that this is probably a trauma response from Corrin's kidnapping in childhood, but he doesn't really want to have to confront the idea that it might be the wrong thing to do sometimes.

‣ Loves dogs. Loves them. When he was little, he was always pestering Sumeragi to let him have one. Obviously, because of his age, Sumeragi didn't think it was a good idea, but said that he might let him have one when he got older. Unfortunately, he passed before he could see that promise through. For a long time Ryoma largely forgot about getting a canine friend, too focused on other things to consider that that was something he could do for himself... but after the war drew to a close, he finally adopted that pup we see in the art piece Kozaki did of him.

‣ Though Ryoma’s hair may look like it’s spiky, it’s actually more so fluffy than anything. That of course doesn’t make it any easier to work with, but the texture probably isn’t as bad as you’d expect. Unfortunately, this still means that it gets all matted and tangled at the drop of a hat, so Ryoma is constantly wrestling with it to keep it under control. Most of the time he just ties it up to keep it out of the way, but he leaves it down in battle because he’s been told it makes him look more intimidating. It has led to the occasional embarrassing moment when it’s been caught in parts of his armour, though.

‣ His position makes him kind of emotionally distant at times. It's not necessarily something he wants to be, but the whole being a prince thing/being the "head of the family" by Hoshidan standards does kind of make him feel isolated. He tends to act on that in turn, and though there are times where he does try to connect with those around him, it still comes across as awkward and stilted from time to time. He finds it difficult to have close friends, and can never seem to connect with Takumi and Sakura the way that he wants to. To some people, this comes across as him not thinking much of them, but he honestly just doesn't know the right way to engage a lot of the time so he just... doesn't. It's something he would like to improve upon.

‣ One of Hoshido’s most eligible, if not the most eligible, bachelors. He’s not particularly crazy about this status. It’s not like he never wants to get married — he knows some day he’s going to have to, for the good of the kingdom and whatnot — but he hates being in a room full of people or corresponding with people he knows are just trying so desperately to impress him. The entire experience just feels terribly inauthentic, and he’s worried about if any of this is really enough to found a relationship on. Tack on the fact that he barely notices flirting from the average woman, and it just becomes overwhelming to even think about choosing a partner in those circumstances. He would much rather fall in love where it's possible.

‣ When it comes to pettiness, the man is like a crow. If you have wronged him or his family, he can and will remember it. And he doesn't hesitate to take revenge for it at times, either. There's still one nobleman who can't figure out why the crown prince seems so much colder than him than to everyone else. Hinoka asked Ryoma about it one time. Apparently, when they were younger, the nobleman mocked Hinoka's interest in battle and suggested she was a faulty woman. He apparently did so when Hinoka was in earshot, but she doesn't remember a thing. Ryoma, however, has kept this little grudge of his close to his heart and refuses to let go because how dare you talk about my sister that way!!

‣ While we know his English and Japanese VAs can both sing quite well, I feel like Ryoma is just not a very good singer. He's not necessarily always out of tune, but he just... sounds awkward. I don't really think of him as the singing type, to be honest, so whenever he tries it's probably more of that mumble-singing you do in the car anyways. He tends to stumble over lyrics or occasionally hit the wrong note, and when that happens once it's just going to throw him completely and keep happening, so it just tends to be a very mediocre performance. He probably once got Shiro to stop crying as a baby by singing to him, but purely because Shiro was so focused on Ryoma's second-rate lullaby that he couldn't remember to be upset.

#fire emblem #fire emblem fates #fire emblem ryoma #fe ryoma #fire emblem fates spoilers #fire emblem fates birthright #fire emblem fates revelation #FE headcanons

[vetrenar]

So... I've finally watched the new Trigun and I'm completely swept off my feet! It's so beautiful, and incredible, and I like the new character designs (though I'm a bit sad that they decided to put Milly aside. I like Roberto and I love to see his "grampy dad" dynamic with Vash and Meryl but why can't we have +1 character instead of "that one or this one") and I have SO MUCH hope for this show...

Anyway, it made me think how different from each other all parts of the franchise are:

1. OG Trigun anime. "The First One" for many, for some of whom it's always will be The Best One.

In comparison with other variants of Trigun, the old anime feels the most like a goofy "classic" tale, with a bit of melancholic vibes. Yeah, it still has its share of sad moments but mostly the corners are smoothed. With 60% of the story being filler, it generally has more light hearted tone than the original manga. Also, the characters of the anime are much closer to the... I wouldn't say "ideal", but more like "archetypal" versions of themselves. Rem was a downright angel, July's destruction didn't kill anyone (although people still fought and killed each other afterwards), the philosophical question about kill not to kill is answered with "put a bullet through each of his limbs until he can't move and hope for the best" (ok, it was a strange one. But I'm still baffled with what Vash's plan was afterwards). What's more important, Vash's ideals, while are hard to reach, don't feel impossible.

2. Manga.

Oooo, I love this one. After the old anime, I totally wasn't prepared to how much more raw, brutal and unhinged the manga is. People who ask for FMA: Brotherhood treatment for the manga seemingly forget that such an anime would have to be shown only veeery late in the night, with the "for adults only" disclaimer.

At the same time, I find the raw, honest energy of the manga absolutely beautiful and love it much, much more than the old anime because of how down-to-Earth characters are there. They may not to be ideal, but they're undoubtedly, 100% human.

Yeah, it's Rem, after her symbolic "the ticket to the future" dream.

And Knives. So much more about Knives, his motivation and determination. And unlike the anime version, where he, being the odd one from the beginning and a bit of philosophical soul, took the problem of spiders and butterflies just too far, the manga version clearly shows that it's not really about good and bad ones. It's about how, after an excessive trauma, Knives' mind went to shit and never fully returned. He was more sensitive than Vash, and more open to dialogue with humans but, when cutting wood, it's a surgical scalpel that breaks first, not a kitchen knife.

Manga Knives doesn't just make scary faces. He sincerely asks his sisters to lend him their powers and, while the level of plant's self-conciousness is arguable, I think it's won't be so far fetched to say that they do care about him.

Aaah, yeah, manga's nice little body horror...

Also, manga is much more merciless towards Vash's pacifism. While anime says "yeah, it's hard, but if you try enough you can reach it", the manga is more about "It's impossible and everyone, including you, know that. But it doesn't means that you should stop trying, because even it's impossible, it's still the path you chose for yourself". And I think that this message is much stronger and more important.

3. Trigun Stampede.

Well, it's really a dark horse, isn't it? With so many controversy about changes in characters's design, story and everything. But from what I've seen so far, I can say that, while reboot doesn't try to repeat the original - original manga, not the old anime - word to word, it stays completely in tune to its main message and Vash's emotional journey, and it's the most important thing to me. And again, it's so incredibly beautiful and well made, and I really have so much hopes for it. My only fear is that there won't be a second season announcement because there is no way that they will be able to contain everything into merely 12 episodes.

Well, we'll see. Until that, Love&Peace, everyone!

#trigun #trigun stampede #trigun manga #vash the stampede #million knives #vash trigun #anime manga comparasion #i'm just so glad that Trigun gets more love #and the new anime is so good #and I'm ready to kneel before the genius that let Vash call Knives Nai #it wasn't in the manga but its a total canon to me

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 117 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: Baking something with apples

An episode full of thoughts. That's gonna be a long one...

JON: "Daisy’s been pretty clear that she thinks the best chance of success would be for her to go in alone, and, honestly, I struggle to disagree. But Tim isn’t going to sit home and wait, and Elias seems pretty insistent I go along. Part of me thinks it’s just so he can see if whatever this “preparation” he’s been trying to do on me works." Aw man, sounds like he is really afraid of this. I mean, firstly, he'll be returning to the place where he was already hurt, when the Circus kidnapped him for their skin care before flaying seminar. In general the Stranger has done enough to scare him even before that, Not!Sasha, Nikola visiting him. And then of course, the operation itself is dangerous. Of course Elias is insistent for him to go along. But not for the reasons Jon thinks he is.

JON: "You know what? That same petty little part of me rather hopes it doesn’t. That all this time, all his cryptic nudges and “learn to fly by falling” attitude, ends up being a complete waste of time. Just to show him." I wonder if this ended up to be a conflict in his coma. He knows, that Elias is planning something for him, he doesn't know what exactly that is, but that it's probably not good. (But probably also not the scale of this not good.) But at the other hand he wants to protect the others? Also, the instinct to survive is usually a pretty strong one.

JON: "I think Basira is the same. She’s coming along to back up Daisy, or so she says. I don’t quite get those two. I suppose what they’ve done, seeing what they’ve seen… it’s a hell of a bond. The sort of thing I’ve mostly done alone." I wonder if seeing the dynamic those two have with each other got him to make the decision to trust the others and wanting to support them more. Shared trauma can forge these strong bonds. It's a survival mechanism. In the end, I think for Jon and Martin it was not just that though. I mean, surely it helped. But Jon made that character development a lot of the time alone. And through all his hardships, where the others abandoned him, even despised him, Martin always came back to him and stood with him. Even when Jon still "hated" Martin, he did care for him (see MAG 22, MAG 40) and already opened up to him (MAG 39). How could he not have seen this in Martin. Jon may not be the friendliest of persons, but he sure is a kind one.

JON: "If I am, uh, slipping then I need people I can trust. And I… I don’t think that can happen naturally for me an-anymore" I can so relate to that...

JON: "If I am, uh, slipping then I need people I can trust. And I… I don’t think that can happen naturally for me an-anymore. how much they’ve… suffered because of this place. Because of me. God. Poor Melanie. And… aside from some, uh, uh, office gossip which I, I’m not sure is necessary or, uh, conducive to a workplace that… hey, it, it, it’s natural it’s, it’s normal. There’s, there’s no there’s no sinister hidden motives or… it’s fine. It, it’s fine." Oh he listened to that tape with the Jan Kilbride statement! Elias torturing Melanie happened on the same day and he addresses that. I'd just like to know, when this happened. Somewhere between Gertrude's storage unit and now. Also, he has now successfully internalized the guilt that is not his to bare.

JON: "I do worry about Martin and Melanie." Even though Jon and Melanie had plenty of arguments he does worry for her! That's what I meant earlier.

BASIRA: "But I think sometimes you feel like you’re adapting, but it’s just denial." Very well said. And then it's just a matter of stamina, how long you can keep up this denial before breaking, or actual change.

BASIRA: "But, she’s solid. She’s a… a fixed point, and if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing, relative to her." This is important for their relationship post coffin. I've seen Blackbeard and Izzy's relationship (Our Flag Means Death) being compared to Daisy and Basira.

BASIRA: "The sort of bad you can only get through if you stay focused and keep a clear head. You choke down the fear – and not because it’s feeding some weird horrible god, like Jon thinks, but because that’s how you keep going." Except for the choking down the fear I agree!

MELANIE: "They think they’re giving me a chance to face my demons by helping to take down Elias. They don’t get that the only way to deal with something like him is to watch his eyes go dead with your hands around his throat. I’ll play it their way, for now, but when it comes down to it, I want to see him dead. I, I’m so angry just sometimes, when Jon’s going off on one about his latest insight, it’s all I can do not to punch him in the teeth." When I was first listening I absolutely did not understand where this lust for murder and violence was coming from. Especially not for Jon because she asked him for access to the library and he literally wasn't there when she took the job. Of course, it makes so much sense in S4!

The "arsehole" in the fan transcript is missing, keeping it pg? xD

MELANIE: "Said I’d been mugged, although the scans couldn’t find anything in there." But of course they wouldn’t see the bullet... because of all the artifacts! (diagnostic imaging pun, *badum tss*)

MARTIN: "I, I’m scared, I guess. – no, wait. No, no, I mean, aww, I don’t want that to be my last message, the thing that defines me. 'Martin Blackwood, he was always scared, then he died. The end.' I don’t want that." That hit me pretty hard, not gonna lie.

MARTIN: "I need them to be safe, I need him to be okay." One of the most famous Martin lines.

MARTIN: "This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web. Oh, oh, Christ, I hope Jon doesn’t actually listen to these. 'Good lord, is Martin becoming some sort of spider person?' No, Jon, it’s an expression, chill out! Besides, spiders are fine. I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies." Web!Martin! Even if he denies it xD But also, actual spiders don't want to help you out with flies either. They just want prey to eat. And watching me sleep it seems! God that fucking spider sitting on my shoulder watching me sleep...

MARTIN: "Just… just don’t die, Jon… Or, or Tim, Basira, or… Daisy, I guess?" This is just fan service again here!

[SIGH, CLATTERING SOUNDS] DAISY: "Okay." Best! xD Seriously, this was really funny. Daisy just cocking her gun and being like "That's it. That's all I have to say".

TIM: "Just, if you’re there, I want you to know that I hate you. I hate you for, for witnessing what’s happened to us." Right in the face of the audience!

TIM: "Talk to the wrong person, take the wrong train, open the wrong door, and that’s it!" Oof, that door thing... But ultimately, it's the same in real life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Awful things happen to good people. Awful things happen to bad people.

TIM: "And if he needs to pull the trigger, to use me to stop it… well, he’d better have the guts to do it." Very short-lived foreshadowing.

JON: "Gerry. I-I know there’s more he could tell me – he he, wouldn’t of, of course, I, I know that but he, he… he would still be there, th-that, that knowledge, i-it would, it would still exist…" How very Beholding of him-

JON: "Come on. On tape, just, just, just do it! Do it!!" -but he's better than that.

Wonder, if it was meant to hurt anybody who tries to destroy a page of the Catalogue. Or if it's worse for Eye-aligned.

@a-mag-a-day

#a-mag-a-day #mag 117 #tma #tma spoilers

[justanotherhh]

suuuuper curious to know where you're suspecting the story will take striker, blitz will definitely want him decimated once he comprehends the damage dealt to stolas, but there's also the matter of there definitely-almost-certainly-i-am-not-deluded being a goetia we still haven't met who striker wants decimated for whatever the fuck was done to him and his in the past ( unless he's already killed them and then just.... kept on plowing with his unquenchable quest for vengeance ) + obvs his backstory needs to be revealed and that thing will have to address both his classism and his identity as a hybrid + there's def more villains left he could team up with + twice now there's been the lingering threats towards octavia and oh no where could that possibly go now that he's off stella's chain + i am so curious where his beef with eminem will go now that they've had a rematch

hello hello!

THIS IS AAAAAAAAALL PULLED OUTTA MORE OR LESS NOTHIN' BE PREPARED:

Yes, absolutely there is some Backstory that's been somewhat hinted at that I think will explain some of his ire and further develop him as a foil to blitzø, who, after all, early in s1 could for a second there have believably joined him due to feeling objectified and used by stolas after a lifetime of his talents (which in the episode and generally all episodes are shown to be substantial) going to waste, due to, yes, his own Trauma, but also due to Class specifically. but of course, what striker doesn't get is that blitzø actually likes loves stolas and also stolas loves blitzø and wants to do better by him RIP

(sidenote, I think if striker found out that the reason blitzø acts Like That around stolas is to keep himself emotionally safe/at a distance, because he doesn't feel good enough for stolas, he'd flip a table, not because he cares about blitzø's mental health, but because This Is What He's Been Trying To Make Points About The Whole Time Dammit These Blue Bloods Take Our Best And Turn Them Into Whining Toys Desperate For Their Approval!!!!)

but yes, something that will potentially make blitzø see/understand where striker is coming from, and why he's unhappy with the way things are (in ways moreso than everyone else is unhappy about the way things are), and even maybe why striker was hoping to find some commonality with him? because they... do have a lot of common ground....?

sidenote here, I don't think this can be entirely divorced from stolas' and fizzarolli's arcs, the former I think could potentially eventually abandon the expectations forced upon him and become blitzø's employee/partner, and the latter... more unsure. still need some data, but it'll definitely pertain to his relationship with asmodeus being out in the open now. my dream is poly life, but hey, i'm never expecting it, even in queer shows. not everything can be sense8 after all --

but stolas and fizz represent two sides of the status quo that are going to dismantle it in their own way. stolas by not subjecting himself and therefore others to what he's been taught he Has to do and be, and fizz through his relationship with ozzie. they're already so much more effective than anything striker has managed to achieve, despite his beliefs

but also that striker is blitzø's shadow. blitzø feels hopeless and alone, but he's got a lot of people (especially as of halfway through s2) who would go out to bat for him, who want him in their lives, who really really care... the person blitzø doesn't want to be is... striker. striker is a match for blitzø in every way (share first place at the harvest moon festival), has many similar opinions (oh great, now the supremacist is agreeing with me), and is similarly jaded... and has nobody at all

the point is that striker's goal is to dismantle the status quo... sort of... it's to destroy something in any case, to get vengeance as some kind of vague Concept (which does make me think he got his vengeance and is just post-vengeance lashing out) but it doesn't seem like he's thought that far ahead, and now it's become personal, it's all centred around blitzø (and fizz, but blitzø moreso) "betraying" their kind, and stolas and potentially fizz, now after oops are symbolic of everything that's Wrong, but also... it would hurt blitzø specifically..... both western energy and oops showed blitzø reacting emotionally to someone getting hurt because of striker. differently, because his relationship with stolas and his relationship with fizz are two distinct kinds of fucked up, but in the end, because of blitzø's place in the story and the Thing that striker is trying to destroy (powerful demons and the class traitors that allow themselves to become their pets) it aaaall centers back around to him and striker becoming more and more unhinged about, specifically, him, and also maybe wanting to drag blitzø to his level and finally finally agree with his point of view...

at least... that's what i want it to

so I want it to get more personal from here on out. striker seemed to really lose it at the end of oops, there is no cool left AND THEN BLITZØ BLEW HIM UP. MY GUY! IT'S PERSONAL NOW IF IT WASN'T BEFORE! (and it was getting personal before, but I'm gonna break you like a horse really cinched it -- and that was before his manic attempts at murdering fizz in front of blitzø)

I don't necessarily think blitzø would want to "decimate" him, not because striker isn't really dangerous and hasn't actively tried to kill two people blitzø loves (and moxxie and millie by proximity), but because to blitzø this isn't as personal... yet. kill, maybe, but I don't think he's currently out looking for a fight, and I think once it does get that personal, the dynamic will be too complicated to measure in simple terms of destruction, i think it'll be a cauldron of things...

I need to go back and rewatch western energy to remind myself of how exactly he taunts stolas that blitzø isn't coming for him, just to convince myself that there's something in there that's more than just glee about stolas being hurt, but also that he's happy that blitzø hasn't been completely lost to this relationship (fizz is way more of a lost cause according to striker), and maybe he can cut that thread for him, who knows. put him back on the right path. it's a gift, really, killing stolas

and i want blitzø to pity striker. i think that would drive him right over whatever edge he hasn't toppled off already, if blitzø understood and saw him and still told him that he was wrong, but now he felt sorry for him

as for via, great potential for a stolas and blitzø co-dads team-up? i don't imagine she'd get seriously hurt in the way other characters have been, but then that's my own limitations, simply because she's been safe from harm so far... but yeah, co-dads team-up. feels like a later down the line thing (well, most of this does)

i do want striker to land some kind of truly painful hit on blitzø. something he can't walk away from without actually getting help. whether that's hurting people he loves, or hurting him in a way so that he needs to be saved (listen, i want the latter... big fan of emotional whump blitzø, but the show has us covered on that front, it's time for him to need saving after getting stabbed and beaten and what have you, stolas can't have all the fun!)

In Conclusion: do I have real Theories? not as such. I just have Feelings.

a. I want blitzø to understand striker because of striker's past, and for that understanding to make things worse between them b. I want striker to take whatever messed up emotions he has and fine-tune them in blitzø's direction and everything he cares about (hell, maybe barbie could get involved in this somehow, so far she's been very far off to the left) c. I want striker to really really hurt blitzø. I want blitzø to at one point be genuinely, deeply afraid and in pain for a prolonged amount of time (so not just the brief parts in oops, I'm talking full episode angst) because of striker -- I think especially because striker has lost a few bouts against I.M.P. it's time for him to get a real win. and for blitzø to get hurt. sorry, that's what you get for being the narrative's specialist little boy d. I want striker to accidentally bring stolas and blitzø closer together, perhaps by kidnapping/threatening via e. I want striker to function as blitzø's narrative/symbolic shadow for the rest of the show f. do I want striker to survive the show? idk. maybe. I like a villain whose motives you get, but who never gets redeemed, and whether that can happen and him surviving, who knows g. I want there to be more horse-based innuendos, I think that's their shared language h. (I also want him to start crying because he's so damned tired of everyone making his esteemed rivalries and attempts at decent threatening behaviours and murder into a sex thing. can't a guy be a mass-murdering hitman in peace these days?)

as for villains: striker and mammon? striker and paimon? the hypocrisy of striker working with people like stella being writ even larger, simply because his whole set of ideals have been upended by how much he wants to destroy/dominate/win over one fucking guy that lives in his head rent free (blitzø has that gift)

In Real Conclusion: in the journey to try and get at blitzø, striker destroys the last parts of himself that he could hold onto. something like that. that would be cool. also. want him to make blitzø cry at one point. just cos.

#helluva boss #helluva striker #blitzø #blitzo #blitz #helluva boss meta #blitzker #striker/blitz #because listen. do i Ship them in the traditional sense? no #do i think there is a non-zero amount of this dynamic that i like best when it's hard to sum up outside of some of the precepts of shipping #yeah that... that thing.... i like the idea of a striker who wants so Desperately to dominate/break/control/win over/etc blitzø #and a blitzø for whom the greatest fear is becoming striker #hb meta #go tf to sleep me

[grokebaby]

🌼🎹🎯🌂❤ for Nan, Grandefel andd Maiju maybe :333 answer as many as you want I just wanna know more about the ocs of all time <3 (also hi me again)

(Hi you again !!)

🌼 = How old? / age group

🎹= Hobbies?

🎯= What do they do best?

🌂= What genre are they in?

❤️= Best memory/ies?

I'm not sure if you meant that all these questions for every single character, or like?? Some other way?? But you said I can do however I want so I shall °w°

AGES:

Nan being an elder is somewhere between 50-60, I think developmentally she's the oldest character here (not chronologically bc Grandefel has for sure existed for over a thousand years but ykno. What's equivalent to their species). Ofc nan has likely also existed for a little longer than that chronologically speaking? Can't say for sure but she's in the Early elder category. Maiju is AT MOST (equivalent to) in her 40's but I'd put her in late 30's. Middle aged to some capacity. Grandefel is funnily enough youngest of everyone despite having existed the longest lolol, for an angel she'd be considered to be in her 30's approx. She's in the generation between Kxxxtr and Lamera.

HOBBIES:

Grandefel - What hobbies? 😔 Yall got free time from your all consuming societally enforced role in life? Most her free time is spent with Deirdre and the kids, but if not she's out in the sky exhibiting cat behaviour (lounging on sunny clouds, napping in strange poses and knocking stars off counters their course just bc)

Nan - Something very grandma esque probably. I mean I'm sure she does alot of "hobbyish" activities but moreso because it's been a vital part of her duties growing up (sewing, gardening, cooking ect). But how she entertains herself? Pinecone cows. And talking to them. (Google Käpylehmä, it's a thing wi/ Finns)

Maiju - What hobbies? Looking at picturebooks. Not bc she can't read or doesn't care about reading but she likes to look at nice things especially if she hasn't seen them before. Either that or sitting around and thinking about cool things. If she's feeling extra adventurous probably going on a walk or something, stopping to smell the flowers and all that jazz

DOES BEST:

Maiju - I feel like I could put so much here and it'd be really obvious. Like decapitation. Wielding a Warhammer. However I think she's the best at being an advisor and second in command to Xerxes when he's Going Normal™ about things (as he does), and keeping the anchor down on stuff. However she's also great at supporting him in his decisions so who's to say..

I'm honestly a little unsure how to answer this for the other two, I'm not saying there aren't things they're good at but I can't think of something they excel either. I think I'll just say both Nan and Grandefel are great at defying the will of unfathomable cosmic forces, whether that be deities Or societal expectations (guess which one is for which character I dare you)

GENRE:

Funnily all these characters exist in the same setting haha? Minus for Nan being an intersectional character in another story of mine as well. Anyway I will go off of vibes

Grandefel - Gay workplace drama

Maiju - Doom with animal crossing music

Nan - that brand of horror where you're stranded in the forest and find yourself in a strange village.. / maybe the monster was the generational trauma all along

FAV MEMORY:

(prepares myself emotionally)

I don't think Maiju could pick just one, she can't pick favorites in anything. The first time Xerxes took her to earth to show her sunflowers? Having a ladybug land on her nose? Learning her hair isn't red but Maroon? Getting a tie in a duel against a Power angel? Seeing herself in a mirror for the first time? There's just so many

Grandefel would probably claim it was the day she was made the primary Persecutor after her mentor (father) stepped down, however in reality it was her opening up about her feelings to Deirdre for the first time and crying in the presence of another person. For the first time also.

I feel like.. Nan's favorite memory is still yet to come, because.. (side eyes my story outline) bc ykno (starts tearing up) because b

Future memories aside I too think she can't pick just one. The choice floats between the rare few heartfelt moments with her dad, the support of her relatives after That Tragedy, getting Siru some friends (at all), messing around with her friends at the cow barn, ykno..

#Ask #Ask game #My ocs #Nan #Grandefel #Maiju #At the current state of the story Nan believes that Lassi is most likely dead #Either that or she'll never see him again #So ykno..

[banschivs]

𝐺𝑅𝐴𝑇𝑈𝐼𝑇𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐿𝑌   𝐷𝐸𝑇𝐴𝐼𝐿𝐸𝐷   𝐷𝐼𝑆𝐿𝐼𝐾𝐸𝑆.

muse name.   Phoenix Fleck née Degraves.

least favorite nickname.   Anything along the lines of 'crazy', or 'psycho'. She kills over it. Don't do it.

least favorite season.   Gotham's winter is wet, repulsive, and lasts far too long. Elsewhere the snow and the cold might be her favourite, magical, in Gotham it's straight hell.

least favorite  –––  hot or cold?   Hot. Weather wise she loves a dry heat if it's not too much, in general she'd rather be cold. Hot food however is a newer luxury in her life, so if it's food? Cold. Depends on what we're talking about.

least favorite holiday.   None specifically, but the typical western New Years celebration is the lowest on her list of priorities.

least favorite food.   Pork prepared in any way. She knows when it's in a room, even if the room is a stadium. She prefers to be as far away as possible.

least favorite flavor.   She doesn't go for anything seared to blackness or extra crispy. And she, as mentioned above, will vomit at the taste of cooked pork. Otherwise, she's an overly enthusiastic eater - will try anything and everything.

least favorite drink.   tequila and her have a sordid past, but in a pinch she'll drink it plenty.

least favorite scent.   Cooked pork: the revenge. The reason for this and the aforementioned is tied solely to her trauma regarding the car bomb, and the scent and taste she still remembers to this day of her mother and her brother literally cooking before her eyes. The smell in particular begets a trauma response that's very hard to miss.

least favorite sound.   Explosions. Riddler's fun with Downtown caused her a lot of distress, particularly coming so shortly after blowing her up with a parcel bomb. Sudden, loud cracks or booms throw her entirely off guard - unless she is the cause, or she is fully privy to said cause.

least favorite tv shows.   She hates reality trash tv. Arthur loves reality trash tv. They compromise by both watching it.

least favorite area of school.   Nix was forced to leave school at the age of seven, and her schooling following the car bomb was lax at best. She's no math whiz, though. Preferred to keep her mind on the more fantastical side of things.

least favorite aspect of their job.   The blatant, and embarrassingly old-fashioned judgement that comes with it, typically from the same people that consume her product. As a sex worker, as an influencer, she's assumed shallow and easy, and to be living on the lowest rung of the society ladder, among all number of terrible and wildly out-dated opinions. As a mother and sex worker, she's deemed a monster. It's no different to how she's always been seen, however, just a fresh new 'reason' for it.

least favorite trait in others.   Anyone working hard to be ominous and mysterious and 'dark' is deemed flaccid and boring. You're wasting your breath with her if you're trying to seem all big and foreboding. She's seen it all. Riktor was flamboyant and loud with it, and that was because he was nothing and no one. She'll assume the same with anyone akin.

least favorite place.   Arkham State Hospital. She should still be in there, under torture, boxed like a creature, opened up like an endless autopsy. She'd try to die before ever going back in there.

least favorite thing to talk about.   Riktor.

least favorite thing about themselves.   She knows she's sub-human. In the sense that she never really feels human, or belonging, or even real, and she doesn't have the will to fake it. Wishes that she did and that it'd feel good.

least favorite daily chore.   alternate side. nix doesn't do it. thinks it's stupid. her car stays where it is. arthur does do it. sometimes. when he doesn't they get ticketed. nix doesn't care enough to pay. they wrastle over it. her car still stays where it is.

least favorite type of clothing.   Anything given to her to wear in a medical setting. Gowns, scrubs, anything. She hates it. Something something medical trauma.

least favorite superpower.   Superpowers don't exist since she's real-world adjacent, but she'd hate those like really stupidly OP ones that nobody can even contend with. Largely because of the ego that comes with it. Be interesting, please.

least favorite thing about falling in love.   All the possible avenues she and Arthur could have taken, but never will have. They both wonder about all these alternate stories they could've had if xyz was different or xyz never happened. Arthur feels the loss more than she does, as Nix is just so happy to be here with him at all, but it's certainly a flood of questions with no answers. There's a grief tied to it.

least favorite thing about death.   It takes and it never stops; faces fade, voices obscure, it never stops.

tagged by: @barrelborne & @jokethur tagging: @exghul, @psychxpxthic, @dtperez, @taitropa, @fearthanked, @unfragile, @arkhampsych, @exilae, anyone who wants !

#☠ abt. ⋙ 𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠.

[mejomonster]

Silent Reading, chapter 14. The psp scene. I have to say, I appreciate the Justice in the Dark show choices to show various things that (at least not this early in novel) are shown. Like pei su/fei du having dream flashbacks (and the cgi thats not needed but very cool in said dreams and flashbacks), Luo wenzhou actually finding fei du (rather than only Tao Rans verbal explanation in book and audio drama we get to see a full scene of the actual event within Tao rans narration which was just so visually pleasing and cool and the Light symbolism I could go On), the scene where Tao ran actually gives Fei du the psp. I'm just a softie for seeing flashback moments in general so I really appreciate the choice. Meanwhile. Book in general, as usual and part of why I love it, is so info dense with stuff it hints behind the already busy main situation:

Fei Du was of course present as well, though this time he had come purely as an outside observer and was unobtrusively standing behind Zhang Ting. When Luo Wenzhou saw him, he was wearing his beast in human clothing get-up, earbuds stuck in his ears, completely absorbed in playing a game on a very old model PSP.

Luo Wenzhou had meant to bundle up the forces of evil and throw them out, but when his gaze fell on Fei Du’s scratched-up old game machine, his expression suddenly relaxed. In a groundbreaking occurrence, he didn’t open his mouth to pick a fight; almost gently and peacefully, he strolled over beside Fei Du, taking a deep breath to mentally prepare himself—even if he saw the brat playing some violent and bloody assault game, he had determined he would maintain his emotional stability.

But after spending so much time preparing, when he looked over at the screen of Fei Du’s old game machine, he saw a crowd of charmingly naive “big-eyed lamps” running around—this domineering director-general was enthusiastically playing Patapon.

X

Luo Wenzhou held back until he got a “Game Over,” then slowly spoke: “It’s always perplexed me a little, why you’d hang out with Zhang Donglai and his ilk.”

Fei Du shot a glance at him and calmly stuck the game machine in his pocket. “Because I think he lives especially philosophically.”

Luo Wenzhou was unable to distinguish whether these words had a positive or negative connotation.

Fei Du waved a hand at Zhang Donglai, who was running over to him, turned to give Luo Wenzhou an artificial smile, then went to talk to Tao Ran.

(So much I love. How Luo being judgy about what games he plays has to do with caretaking him so long and over concerning that he even Has an opinion on fei dus game choices. That he instinctively Wants to not interrupt fei du even though it doesn't matter, this hint he made a Lot of choices when fei du was younger to try and go easy on him and give him the Lesser stresses of life and the escape moments rather than you know Fei Dus absolutely yikes living reality. Just so much History screams in Luos actions. Meanwhile? I actually love the comment on Zhang Donglan. I do wonder. Yeah he's stupid, he's rude, he's shallow and only into fucking and drinking and having fun like racing cars (which sure paid off for fei du needing to successfully handle car chases lmao). But he's also a rich fuerdai WITH NO trauma or at least not Fei Dus level. He's what fei du would have turned out like, maybe, if his dad had been decent and emotionally supportive and could've helped his mom instead of further harmed her. Fei du already does try to emulate Zhang donglai with frivolous spending, similar party habits, a lack of care if he wastes his family money away, and I do think he likes those traits or thinks there Must be a good point to them or he wouldn't emulate them So much.

After all Zhang ting the sister is respectable and not wasting around partying, fei du could've emulated her instead. Or people like her who are his peers. And he does emulate the cutthroat businessmen - people like his dad, for better or worse, people like Zhang tings boyfriend the murderer. But anyway my point is. I do think fei du appreciates the simplicity of Zhang donglan - he's honest, says and does what he wants, always let's people know honestly how he feels, and his goal is to enjoy himself. Fei du struggles to be emotionally open, probably admires it to some degree if he felt it was Safe for him to be open, he probably appreciates a friend so open so he isn't afraid of ulterior motives or being harmed. He really is just concerned with being happy, and i think fei du ultimately would like to learn to do that once his revenge and consuming NEED to keep dwelling on his moms death is completed. One day, if the task doesn't kill him, he will finish that task. And once he does, he'll need a new drive to live and new path to walk. I think while Zhang donglan seems almost innocently naive to fei du, I do think fei du wants to understand that perspective. Cause it's one he's never had. Even as a child he never had an innocent happy time with no worries and no fear. )

#silent reading #justice in the dark #lb

[fanfic-inator795]

Adore your writing! Any thoughts on what you think Sho and Yoshi's relationship was like (at any point in time)? How they viewed one another?

Aww, thanks so much! ^v^

Honestly, I feel like it was always kinda complicated. They never completely resented each other, but they were both pretty stubborn in addition to having different priorities that just weren't compatible with each other.

It's obvious that Yoshi's trauma regarding his mother played a huge role in how he saw his family/clan as well as the duty forced upon him. Beyond the general immaturity of a teenager/inability to see the Big Picture, it's hard to truly believe in the 'greater good' when all it's brought you is pain - and if someone only felt like the next link in a chain, only born and trained so they could give their life for 'the mission' or to 'save the world from some boogeyman', it wouldn't surprise me at all if they ended up pushing HARD against that, wanting to not only stand out as their own person but to also just find their own happiness if they felt like their own family didn't care about that. As far as Yoshi knew, Sho barely cared about him and only saw him as another clan member who needed to be molded into what the world needed, regardless of what Yoshi needed to sacrifice to be it.

At the same time though, we know that Yoshi regretted his mistakes - he regretted not giving his grandfather a proper goodbye back when he was still Lou Jitsu, and he regretted not doing his part in defeating the Foot/Shredder once he realized that he inadvertently put his sons in danger. That's something I feel a lot of people forget - once he realized that the danger WAS real and not just an old myth that had no basis to believe in, Splinter IMMEDIATELY stepped up. So, perhaps if Sho had been able to understand where younger!Yoshi was coming from (i.e. incorrectly believing that any sacrifice would've been for nothing) and show a bit more sympathy instead of just scolding or nagging him, maybe things could've turned out differently.

BUT, at the same time, I also can't completely blame Sho for how he handled things. Yes, he absolutely could've been more empathetic and a bit more flexible, but at the same time - Sho was at the end of his life. He KNEW what would happen if he died and Yoshi wasn't properly prepared for the Foot's return - it would literally be the end of the world. From that perspective, I can see why he was so stubborn about getting Yoshi to listen to him, as well as why he didn't see much value in Yoshi's acting - because, yeah, when compared to the safety of the world, he would just be seen as something silly and without value (even though there obviously WAS value). As far as Sho knew, they BOTH failed in their duties and the world was going to pay the price for it. Makes sense that he'd be more than a little bitter about that.

We also have to remember that Sho likely grew up in a time where he was taught traditional, group-focused values while Yoshi was exposed to more modern, individual-focused values. So yeah, between the clashing perspectives/different priorities, the trauma that Yoshi suffered, Sho not knowing any other way to prevent the end of the world, and just a boat-load of miscommunication and misconceptions, it just resulted in a lot of resentment and hurt.

...But I don't think they ever hated each other. Far from it, in fact. I mean, Yoshi wouldn't have cried over Sho's final goodbye if he did hate him. But, unfortunately for the two of them, Yoshi's story is very much 'tragedy with a happy ending', and just given the circumstances, I'm just not sure if it'd be possible for them to reconcile until after the fact - after the Shredder has been defeated for good, after Splinter has gained some additional perspective, and after Sho is able to risk being a bit more flexible and a bit more emotionally available.

[navree]

psst, jason/talia.

Yeah...no. No.

I have a lot of thoughts on Jason and Talia and their relationship, but I firmly reject any romantic interpretation. Jason and Talia as a romance seems to hinge on Talia having sex with him during the Lost Days, and I can never get into that because I'm not a fan of the "Talia the rapist" character choice, I wasn't when they tried to make it the canonical backstory for Damian's conception (like, if you want her to be morally/ethically grey about it, it's not like faking a miscarriage so that your partner thinks that their baby is dead and then immediately fucking off to raise that baby in secrecy with a culty terrorist organization is a super great move either) and I definitely wasn't a fan with Jason. Like, take stock of the situation Jason is in during the tryst with Talia.

For one, Jason Todd is a child. He's, what, sixteen when that all goes down? And Talia is significantly older, even physically she's the same age of his father, to say nothing of her literal age, and I'm of the opinion that people in their thirties or in their hundreds shouldn't be having sex with teenagers under any circumstances.

For two, Talia has an incredible amount of power over Jason that renders any affirmation he can give her totally moot. Talia is the one who got him off the streets of Gotham before he got seriously hurt or even killed again (which, as a catatonic fifteen year old no one knows is even alive, he very likely would have been). Ra's wanted Jason dead, once it became clear that he wasn't progressing fast enough for his tastes, and it's Talia's decision to put him in the Lazarus Pit and subsequently save his life. Jason owes Talia a life debt, and it is very clear that she is the only person in the League, a place that is half a world away from anyone else who even knows about him, let alone cares about him, who is even remotely invested in his survival. Even beyond the fact that Jason's ability to stay alive is dependent entirely on Talia's desire for him to be that way, she also funds a lifestyle he is becoming psychologically dependent on, his training as he prepares to head back to Gotham and become the Red Hood. Jason needs to stay in Talia's good graces to keep that lifestyle and that life in general, and who's to say that refusing something she wants wouldn't remove him from those graces? I'm sure everyone can see the problem with that.

For three, Jason is not mentally healthy during this time. At all. He is severely traumatized from the litany of horrible things that, to him, have happened in a very short time period, and he is not getting any treatment for it. Lost Days Jason desperately needs psychiatric help in order to deal with the mental toll of everything that's happened to him, and he doesn't have that, and that means he's stuck in a really bad mental space without the ability to really get out of it, and it does effect his decision making (the Red Hood plan, while it does show Jason's natural intelligence and strategic abilities, is not a normal thing to plan, nor is any of Jason's reactions in Lost Days normal or healthy, though they are understandable given the information he has available to him and his headspace).

There is no way that Jason can give meaningful consent to Talia in any of these circumstances individually, never mind all of them combined. Jason Todd is a teenage boy under a significant amount of strain and distress that does influence his decision making abilities who is entirely reliant on Talia, a very powerful adult and sole authority, not just to live comfortably but be able to live at all in an area where nobody else knows him, knows of him, or cares remotely about his wellbeing. And that doesn't even touch on the fact that Jason has been repeatedly and heavily implied to have solicited while homeless after Catherine died and before Bruce found him as a way to try and survive, so adding that mess of issues and past trauma from rape and molestation is a whole other can of worms when it comes to Jason and choices he makes to try and keep himself alive regardless of personal wants.

Any sex between Talia and Jason would be rape. Even if Jason is the one attempting to instigate or otherwise initiate, it is on Talia, as the adult, especially one aware of the situation in general and the situation of the power she holds over Jason and Jason's mental space, should put a firm stop to it, not indulge herself at a child's expense. Her not doing that, not being a responsible grown-up here, completely wrecks her character and is genuinely horrid. Not to mention it doesn't make any sense, what's the point of it? What gratification can you get from raping a traumatized kid, especially one who you know because of your affair with his dad? What's sexy about that, beyond "hot forbidden tryst with this older sexy brown woman" being something the writers are turned on by?

Because yeah, even going away from the Watsonian perspective, if we go full Doylist, this whole thing reeks of racism. Talia has always been a victim of racist writing due to the fact that she's a prominent woman of color and thus prone to a lot of racist tropes when storylines are being written for her. And brown women have a tendency to be exoticized, eroticized, and hyper-sexualized in real life, let alone in fiction, and having Talia, a brown woman, be so sexually aggressive that she rapes a child in order to satisfy her lust plays into that 100%, and was a horrible writing decision that decimates her character and really sours the entire Red Hood: Lost Days story for me.

Listen, I'm always in favor of ship and let ship, but Jason/Talia as a romantic pairing is a big fat giant NO from me and given that comics is the one medium that allows you to pick and choose your own canon, I am electing to excise it from my mind and my canon and say that it never happened.

#personal #answered #anonymous #rape tw #honestly please let me know if you need this tagged as anything else #but yeah jason and talia as a ship really doesn't work for me #as you can see i have a LOT of thoughts about the lost days sex #it's rape to me there's no two ways about it #(and again that whole stint of 'let's make talia a rapist because all brown women are sexy lust addled hornbeasts' is just Racism)

[radioromantic-moved]

!UM UM UM. i'm gonna give you guys some special personal thoughts about my Big Black‏‏‎ ‎Friday‏‏‎ ‎Rewatch (in preparation for me watching all of the nightmare time specials. the uh. the frank one comes out on friday.) because i stimmed so hard i got sweaty and i need to TALK

-it's fun how you can't really tell who the main character is for the first bit of the show. contrast that with‏‏‎ ‎tgwdlm‏‏‎ ‎which makes it Very obvious. he is the title. but in‏‏‎ ‎black‏‏‎ ‎friday‏‏‎ ‎you have‏‏‎ ‎tom‏‏‎ ‎and‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‎becky and‏‏‎ ‎lex (+ ethan and hannah) who all have their own motivations and backstories and traumas that you get right up front. it emphasizes the connectedness of‏‏‎ ‎hatchetfield‏‏‎ ‎and i really like that. the development of a Universe!

-frank <3 god i forgot how much he SUCKS!!!! with how bad‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎is‏‏‎ ‎i started thinking maybe i was too hard on him in the past but no he is actually Like That. not as bad as‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎still‏‏‎ ‎but STOP being mean to lex you asshole

-speaking of frank and lex's relationship. for some reason fanfic makes it a thing that he always refers to her as "alexandra" which he does ONCE? just because no one else does it doesn't make it his signature thing he literally calls her lex before that.

-AND ANOTHER THING. um singing-wise i don't like the live theater version of‏‏‎ ‎our‏‏‎ ‎doors‏‏‎ ‎are‏‏‎ ‎open‏‏‎ ‎as much as i like the version on the soundtrack which could be bias considering i listen to one way more than the other but also the live version sounds a little more rushed? which i don't blame‏‏‎ ‎corey‏‏‎ ‎dorris‏‏‎ ‎for. it is So Easy to rush through a big scene when performing (i will casually pepper in the fact that i finally got to do acting again this year). anyway i like the soundtrack version better in general but there are two things that the live version does better. one is the "WOOOO" from the audience when he swings his leg up on the banister (i am literally spiritually connected to whoever that was) and the other is hold on i will make a new bullet point for it

-NOTICED THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME. lex looks really bored and annoyed throughout the first half of the song and then after she gets involved with it ("which requires a bottle of pepper spray") she gets this little smile on her face and starts joining in with the dance which is SO SO SO FUCKING CUTE, HELLO? HELLO? HELLO?

-someone who made a commentary video about the songs pointed out that frank looked sort of impressed when lex pulled out the pepper spray and that is also very sweet. they DO care about each other...i'm sobbing i'm crying i'm on the floor...

-AND THE SCENE WHERE SHE FIXES HIS COLLAR 😭 i truly don't think lex and frank despise each other as much as some people think at least definitely not on the level that lex hates her mom. they're just both not very easy people to get along with (i love lex a lot but this is true) and they're grumpy to each other but they care in their own ways

-last thing related to the song. they put a stock cheer in the background when the audience was clapping?? hello?? what in the world was that for

-feast‏‏‎ ‎or‏‏‎ ‎famine‏‏‎ ‎is still my favorite song next to. you know. it's just the right balance of funny and genuinely creepy and i think this one is much better with the visuals (and "FUCK YOU ALL!") it helps that black‏‏‎ ‎friday‏‏‎ ‎was the first horror musical i'd ever even heard of when i first learned about it and this was the first "scary" song i heard from it. it's so fucked and i love it SO MUCH

-I DIDN'T NOTICE FRANK AND LEX JOINING IN WITH THE CHORUS IN THE BACKGROUND?? INSANE ABOUT THAT!!!!! because even though they understand the gravity of the situation they still can't help themselves because of what this means for them!!!! i am going crazy i am ripping things apart with my teeth!!!

-um it's very blurry and you can only see it for a second or two but‏‏‎ ‎um there's a bit where sherman‏‏‎ ‎young‏‏‎ ‎is‏‏‎ ‎charging at lex and i think frank extends a hand to help her and she reaches for it. god i might need to make a second part this is getting long i am constantly FUCKED UP ABOUT THEM!

-the thing is as insane as i am about the oren principle characters on their own i am as equally insane about their relationship to their. i'll just say their dario principle character. (dario to oren,‏‏‎ ‎david‏‏‎ ‎to‏‏‎ ‎trexel,‏‏‎ ‎lex‏‏‎ ‎to‏‏‎ ‎frank.) because every time it is the Most telling relationship they have and the thing that informs so fucking much of their personality and the way they treat other people and what they will do for other people when it comes down to it! i can't stop thinking about this i'm serious

-why does ethan talk like a greaser though. babyboy you are in 2020

-goddamn this show really is so much more fucked up than‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎tgwdlm in a LOT of ways

-the fact that tom knew ethan's name...the fact that he probably TAUGHT him...god what the hell what the hell what the hell what the hell!

-i don't have excessive thoughts on the president but i think he is funny i like curt mega as an actor. i think a lot of the cast got to show off what they were best at in this. happy about that :)

-the fucking "OHHHHHH" from the audience after "you're nothing more than a harvard law school community organizing PRICK!"

-when he throws the‏‏‎ ‎wiggly and goes "HA!"

-okay i think i like monsters‏‏‎ ‎and‏‏‎ ‎men more the second time around? i don't really know why maybe i've just bonded with the storyline more and it makes my heart hurt how hopeful it is when i Know they will fail

-THE FAKE CHEER AGAIN?

-northville‏‏‎ ‎high‏‏‎ ‎school‏‏‎ ‎:) i get a little emotional about that song for some reason. the last moments of true positivity throughout the whole thing. honestly maybe the Only moments of true positivity? and i like parodies of silly kids movies.

-okay um. tbh i need to go to sleep and this is so long so i will post thoughts about the rest of act 2 tomorrow. it will not be as long as this one but i still have a lot of emotions <3

#i forgot how good it feels to fucking ANALYZE shit!!! #i love to write paragraphs about my special interests it is so fucking Fun #i'd create a‏‏‎ ‎hatchetfield‏‏‎ ‎spam tag but i don't want to do that unless it becomes necessary. #frank tag #<-he's Back Baby #lex tag #<-Her Too #nyx on comms

[robininthelabyrinth]

There was a comment a while back about NMJ having capybara energy. So have a cracky prompt of some strategists in the Sunshot Campaign deciding how this could be weaponized, or used as an interrogation technique. If they give cooperate and give information, they can be in a cuddle pile with NMJ.

ao3

The worst part about war was, unquestionably, the war itself.

The loss of life, the injuries, the stress – the agonizing terror of knowing that each moment might be your last, the painful boredom of waiting for something to happen, the shaking anxiety of never knowing which one the day would bring. Watching your friends and family suffer, watching innocent people suffer…it was grotesquely awful in ways Lan Xichen had never even dreamed of it being.

And yet, as if war wasn’t bad enough by itself, it also had – side effects.

Evil creatures thrived on resentful energy, their own or others’, gathered at sites of death or violence, and there was nothing that they liked better than the wasted spiritual energy that accompanied the untimely death of cultivators. This war, sect against sect, was a breeding ground for all the creatures that they ought to be night-hunting, not encouraging.

Led by Nie Mingjue, who never forgot his obligations, their side – the Four Great Sects, that was – took care of the innocent people who were being harmed by their war, protecting them from the immediate aftereffects, settling them in new places if their homes were damaged, making sure they weren’t caught in the middle of ongoing battle. Sects that skimped on their duties to the common people were mercilessly cut off in turn, where necessary, and Nie Mingjue had even demanded that Lanling Jin personally recompense an entire village that had lost their homes due to their negligence or else face the next Wen attack without his aid – the cost of doing so was negligible for them, but the humiliating loss of face among the rest of the sects that he had even had felt the need to make the threat, coupled with the fact that they really did need his help, served as an extremely potent reminder for everyone else.

When possible, the sects devoted some resources to night-hunting, trying to restrain the effects of their war, but it was like trying to hold back an avalanche that had already started: they could mitigate some of the damage, but until the war was over, it would only get worse and worse.

It didn’t help, naturally, that the Wen sect’s leaders didn’t care one whit about the effects of their actions.

Wen Ruohan loudly blamed the other Great Sects for it, claiming that they were ‘rebelling’ against him – as if they hadn’t all been equal just before – and that the heavens were punishing them for their violation of the natural order; his commanders followed suit, disdaining even the distraction of night-hunting and making dismissive promises that it would all be resolved when the war was won.

Still, however Wen Ruohan felt, however his generals and commanders felt, even they couldn’t ignore all the effects.

Especially not the ones that hit everyone equally.

“More nightmares?” Lan Xichen asked Jiang Cheng as he came into the command tent, rubbing his red eyes and looking awful. They all looked awful, but the recent affliction of dream-eaters that had swept through their camp and the enemy’s was especially vicious - particularly on those like Jiang Cheng, who had already existing trauma and were already burdened by nightmares. They were killing the creatures that generated the nightmares as quickly as possible, but there was only so much they could do with the encampment of the Wen sect not far away, waiting for a display of weakness that would give them the opportunity to attack.

The Wen sect were afflicted by the dream-eaters, too, and under any other circumstances Lan Xichen would propose that they raise the flag of truce long enough to eradicate the menace. Unfortunately, the Wen sect had proved themselves fundamentally untrustworthy – Jiang Cheng’s own family situation told the story quite vividly, even if Lan Xichen didn’t have to only close his eyes to see the burning of the Cloud Recesses – and so they all just suffered, instead.

“Bad ones,” Jiang Cheng said grimly, and nodded at Wei Wuxian, who had followed him into the tent looking, somehow, even worse. Not a great surprise, given that he’d been trapped in the Burial Mounds and now utilized resentful energy as a weapon – he had to be even more susceptible to the nightmares than the rest of them, but there was nothing to be done about it; his new cultivation style was too valuable for him to stop now. If Lan Xichen had to guess, Wei Wuxian was working himself to the bone and collapsing into nightmares, never getting any rest; his eyes were bloodshot, his face haggard, his waist too thin.

When Lan Wangji entered the tent next and saw Wei Wuxian there, looking half-dead, his face immediately twisted in what Lan Xichen recognized as clear concern. Poor Lan Wangji was suffering, too, although perhaps Lan Xichen was the only one who could tell.

Lan Xichen felt a stab of pain on all their behalf, all of them, and handed out tea to strengthen their spirits. He’d selected the most energizing blend he could find in preparation for this meeting, their first in several weeks – they were all fighting their own fronts, Lanling Jin in Langya, Qinghe Nie in Hejian, so on and so forth, but they needed to coordinate, and these in-person meetings were the best option for it.

And they really needed to discuss what to do about this new nightmare scourge.

“I think it’s like this for everyone,” Jiang Cheng said, accepting the tea, and Lan Xichen was just in the middle of nodding when he heard a strange sound – laughter, of all things.

They all turned to stare at the door, where Nie Huaisang was walking in, followed by an exhausted-looking Jin Zixuan as his father’s representative. It had been Lan Xichen who had asked for Nie Huaisang to be brought here from his refuge at the Cloud Recesses, thinking that this highly protected meeting was as close to safety on the battlefield as they could get and that it would be good for Nie Mingjue to see his little brother safe and sound.

Of all of them, they needed Nie Mingjue to remain strong. He was the Great Sects’ most effective general, their most terrifying war god; he was as viciously effective a general as he was a frontline fighter, designing many of the strategies they all used and providing many of their sects with critical assistance even though his Nie sect and its affiliated sects were the least numerous of the Great Sects, excluding only the significantly diminished forces of the Jiang sect.

More than his personal contribution, though, he’d become something of a lucky talisman for the rest of them. Lan Xichen had heard all sorts of stories about each and every one of them - Jiang Cheng as the resurrected phoenix, unkillable; Wei Wuxian as a demon barely leashed and used for their own purposes; Lan Xichen himself as a beacon of light bringing hope to those who needed it most - but that was nothing compared to what was said and believed about Nie Mingjue: that as long as Chifeng-zun was there, inexorable and inviolable, the unquestioned king of Hejian, the Wen sect’s eventual defeat was inevitable.

Even Lan Xichen found himself thinking it, reassuring himself late at night that all their efforts were not for nothing, that it would all end well in the end.

It wasn’t a healthy way of thinking, not for them and least of all for Nie Mingjue himself, who had to live up to that terrible reputation, but it was what was getting them through each day of this terrible war. So if there was something within Lan Xichen’s power to help Nie Mingjue keep himself together, he would do it, no matter the risk.

Nie Huaisang had arrived at their encampment the day before, with Nie Mingjue himself arriving even later, coming very late at night, and now it was morning and Nie Huaisang was laughing.

Laughing free and easy as if he didn’t have a care in the world, no less, and probably at one of his own jokes; Jin Zixuan was looking at him as if he’d never seen such a strange and wonderous thing in his life, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and…well, everyone, really, were all following suit. They’d all laughed in recent days, of course, war lending itself to black humor, but Nie Huaisang looked so light-hearted.

So…well-rested.

“Huaisang,” Lan Xichen said, blinking owlishly at him. “You look…good.” No, that wasn’t the word he was looking for. “Healthy.”

Not in need of sleep, he meant.

“Oh, well, you know,” Nie Huaisang demurred, hiding his face behind his fan. “I’m happy to see da-ge, that’s all. I get to comfort myself that he’s well and get a good night’s sleep for once; why wouldn’t I be well? Nothing much to it.”

“Good night’s sleep?” Jiang Cheng echoed, looking disbelieving – as well he should, too. Their current encampent was right next to one of the worst collections of nightmare afflicting creatures, the vicious dream-eaters that confused the mind and injured the spirit. “You got a good night’s sleep?”

“Better here than in the Cloud Recesses?” Wei Wuxian asked, rubbing his eyes. “Really?”

“Uh, yes?” Nie Huaisang said, and now it was his turn to blink at them. “My da-ge is here. I slept well and untroubled for the first time in ages.”

“That sounds...nice,” Jin Zixuan said, rubbing his eyes as well – probably inspired by Wei Wuxian. Such things were communicative. “You must have been worried about him.”

“Oh, da-ge will be fine, I’m sure,” Nie Huaisang said blithely, and Lan Xichen suppressed the abrupt and overwhelming desire to punch him. “But I have nightmares sometimes, you know, and there’s no reason not to use medicine if it’s available, right?”

“Medicine?” Lan Wangji asked, voice intent, and Lan Xichen went from mild irritation to sadness at once: for Lan Wangji to ask such a thing, to show such weakness, the nightmares must be very bad indeed.

“Yes, my da-ge,” Nie Huaisang said. “He’s nightmare-proof.”

“I’m glad that that works for you,” Jiang Cheng said snippily. “Pity about the rest of us.”

Nie Huaisang frowned at him. “It’s not just me,” he said. “It’s just how he is. Don’t you know?”

Lan Xichen was going to intervene and settle them down – their tempers were all unduly short, given the nightmare situation, and he really didn’t want to have to deal with that before having to cope with the same from Nie Mingjue, whose temper was extremely short at the best of times – but then just as he was opening his mouth to say something he was suddenly hit by an overwhelming feeling of sudden calm, the same sort of pleasant languor that came in the early morning of a calm rest day where you didn’t need to get out of bed, or perhaps in a warm and lazy afternoon when you had nothing to do and were considering a nap.  

It was amazing.

Lan Xichen could see the same effect taking hold of the others, too: Jin Zixuan let out a little sigh, Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji both rocked back a little on their heels, eyes sliding closed in pleasure, Wei Wuxian actually let out a near-audible whimper of relief –

And then Nie Mingjue walked into the command tent.

“Good morning,” he said. He looked as steady as always, a tall and unshakable mountain; his brow was creased in his usual expression of neutral ill-humor and one could arguably feel the heat of his always simmering temper, but at the moment it just felt like warmth. “It’s good to see you all.”

They all murmured greetings in return, watching as Nie Mingjue – and the aura of calm relaxation that, apparently, accompanied him – passed them by and went towards the table where they had laid out all their plans. Unconsciously, they followed after him, drifting in his wake, each of them edging closer to him without ever having made a decision on it; as the other sect leaders who were leading the war showed up, they did the same, and by the time the usual pleasantries had concluded and the meeting was about to start, Nie Mingjue could barely turn around without nearly bumping into someone who had drifted too close.

Lan Xichen really ought to tell them to stop – he was the courier, the connection between the sects, familiar with each and every one of them – but he found himself instead abusing his position and his history as Nie Mingjue’s old friend to finagle a place at his right side, just behind his shoulder, and just stood there, his eyes half-lidded as he basked in the feeling. It was a little like really good meditation, he thought, the type that centered you and grounded you, let you be steady and hold your ground, come what may.

As the general, Nie Mingjue opened the meeting, running through the usual updates – he was short and to the point as always, which invariably made these meetings run significantly better because after a start like that even the most long-winded and shameless of old men felt a bit constrained to keep their words within the realm of the reasonable. After he finished detailing their current positions, the Wen sect’s latest moves and his predictions on their next, certain counters he planned to use – all at a very high level of generality, of course, in the event of spies – Nie Mingjue looked around, frowning a little: they had been all listening with surprising quietude, not a single objection or comment among them the way there usually was.

“Is there any other business?” he asked.

One of the leaders of a smaller sect – Sect Leader Ouyang – visibly shook himself and coughed. “The…scourge?”

“Scourge?” Nie Mingjue scowled. “What scourge? Has there been a greater than usual resurgence of evil creatures? What type? Why was I not informed?”

Lan Xichen looked at his old friend as though seeing him for the first time, as though abruptly realizing that your old familiar pillow was in fact a wonderous treasured pearl to be held carefully in one’s hand.

“It’s dream-eaters,” Jiang Cheng said, sounding blank and surprised. “The sort that cause nightmares...you know the type, surely? Common enough and usually fairly harmless, but there’s a whole lot of them and they’re breeding faster than we can kill them – not unless we devote ourselves just to the task, which we can’t do. Has - has the Nie sect not suffered from this affliction?”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, frowning, and he seemed oddly discomforted, the reason for which he immediately revealed: “In fact, I’ve never seen a dream-eater. They’re not common in Qinghe, I think.”

That was impossible, of course – dream-eaters were notorious for being a pest that could be found anywhere, no matter what the climate or terrain; it was a little like saying that your household had never known a rat.

Although, Lan Xichen supposed, one could see such a statement being made by the single household in the village possessed of a cat…

“That was one of the main reasons I wanted to have this meeting,” he said, clearing his throat. He had told most of the sect leaders that it would be on the agenda, but he hadn’t had time to meet with Nie Mingjue, nor had he needed to – as the general, Nie Mingjue’s presence was a necessity, and so Lan Xichen had known that he would be there and had assumed (incorrectly, it seemed) that he would obviously want to devote some time to the issue. “It has been a rise in the number of such creatures, and yet we cannot divert attention from our frontline. Surely there must be some solution?”

“If it’s so severe, then we could strike a balance,” Nie Mingjue said, looking relieved at the possibility of turning the discussion onto the practical. “Those sects in regions with less ongoing strife could send teams to other fronts specifically to aid in eliminating the dream-eaters –”

“How has Qinghe Nie not suffered from the affliction?” The person interrupting was one of the sect leaders affiliated with Lanling Jin, even though Jin Zixuan turned and glared death at him. “Whatever can be said about dream-eaters in Qinghe, Hejian certainly doesn’t lack them, or at least it never has before. If there is some means of resisting them, it ought to be shared.”

That particular sect leader had arrived late and was seated relatively far back; perhaps he was out of range of Nie Mingjue, and hadn’t noticed – or perhaps, and more likely, he was simply being obnoxious and looking for an opportunity to snatch up whatever talisman Nie Mingjue was using to relieve the effects of the dream-eaters for Lanling Jin’s benefit. As if they had some greater claim to it, when they were doing the least of the fighting..!

“I haven’t seen them,” Nie Mingjue said, his face black with annoyance that Lan Xichen knew was merely a cover for embarrassment. “Not even in Hejian.”

Nie Huaisang giggled behind his fan. “That’s not your fault, da-ge,” he said. “They run away when they see you coming. Isn’t that right, Xiaochun-shushu?”

Eyes turned to the man standing by Nie Mingjue’s side – one of the Nie sect commanders – who looked a little awkward to be put on the spot, shifting his weight and clearing his throat. “To the extent it has been an issue at any of our outposts, we usually ask the Sect Leader to check in on morale, which generally resolves the issue,” he said circumspectly, and Nie Mingjue looked minorly outraged at the suggestion that his entire sect apparently used him as a way to ward off a creature usually classified as a minor pest. Without telling him, no less.

“So the effect is not caused by a talisman or spiritual instrument?” Sect Leader Yao asked, looking disappointed. “Nothing that can be duplicated?”

“What effect?” Nie Mingjue asked.

“Perhaps we could ask Sect Leader Nie to visit some of the other territories?” another sect leader suggested.

“And risk Hejian? Don’t be ridiculous,” Jiang Cheng said, though he looked sorely tempted.

“What effect?” Nie Mingjue asked again.

“I wonder if the Wen sect is suffering to the extent we are,” Wei Wuxian said thoughtfully, spinning his flute in his hand. “We have some prisoners of war, don’t we? They might be inclined to share more information if they were a little more relaxed. Don’t you think?”

“Especially following a state of heightened distress,” Jin Zixuan said, nodding. “The relief will be much more pronounced, which could lower their defenses –”

“Maybe we could even get –”

“Xichen,” Nie Mingjue hissed in his ear as the debate began in earnest, each sect leader rushing forward to add in their views. “What are they talking about?”

Lan Xichen looked helplessly at Nie Huaisang who scuttled over. “It’s the dream-eaters, da-ge,” he said in an undertone. “Sustained exposure. People get tired, cranky, irritable; their cultivation is weakened, their focus impaired…they become simultaneously less sensitive to certain things, like social niceties, and more sensitive to other things. Like a feeling of steadiness and reliability.”

“…so?” Nie Mingjue said.

“So a lot of people are noticing for the first time that you’re very – uh – grounding.”

“Grounding,” Nie Mingjue said skeptically. “Like…a lightning rod?”

It wasn’t quite the metaphor Lan Xichen would have gone with.

“It’s always like this?” he asked Nie Huaisang, fascinated, and Nie Huaisang nodded. “Why didn’t I notice?”

“You probably noticed subconsciously?” Nie Huaisang guessed. “People like being around da-ge, even when they don’t like him. Anyway, you’re usually very steady yourself, Xichen-gege –” Nie Mingjue sighed at his brother’s rudeness. “– so you probably didn’t notice that you were feeling even more so. In our sect, you’ll find parents coming by to drop off their kids next to da-ge; they follow him like a flock of ducklings, it’s the only thing that keeps them quiet…”

“I thought they just liked watching me train?”

“I mean, they like that, too, da-ge, I’m sure. But mostly people just feel safe when you’re around.”

Safe. Yes, that was what it felt like, calm and safe and secure, like there was a rock-solid foundation to the world that nothing could tear down; like even if Nie Mingjue were at the end of his rope, he would still do everything he could not to let you down.

“It’s very nice,” Lan Xichen said.

Nie Mingjue was pinching the bridge of his nose. “Huaisang,” he said. “If this is such a common phenomenon, why didn’t anyone tell me about it?”

“To be honest, we were a little worried that it’d go away if anyone pointed it out to you,” Nie Huaisang said. “Apparently not. Good!”

“This is ridiculous. I’m a sect leader, a front-line fighter, a general…I can’t go traipsing around fighting dream-eaters. We have a war to fight!”

“People fight better if they can sleep,” Nie Huaisang said wisely, and Lan Xichen nodded in firm support. Lan Wanji had drifted over at some point and looked to now be sleeping standing up, which was practically an endorsement as well. “Anyway, I think the idea of gathering people up to go deal with the problem is a good one, and anyone who’s really desperate for a good night’s rest can trade over to fight in Hejian for a while. That’ll keep your forces fresh, encourage the circulation of people and the development of relationships between the various sects, and you’ll have the chance to get a good look at who’s actually competent or not while they fight directly under you.”

“Hmm, true,” Nie Mingjue said, and Lan Xichen had to agree – it wasn’t a bad idea at all. Maybe it was the fact that Nie Huaisang was the only one of them who’d gotten any sleep that had allowed him to be the one to suggest it.

“And of course, best of all, as long as our side is getting relief and the Wen sect isn’t…”

“Oh, all right,” Nie Mingjue said. “I still think this is ridiculous, and I’m having some difficulty believing that I really give off some sort of – sleep field, or whatever.”

“You do,” Lan Xichen said. “In fact, I may propose that we break up the meeting temporarily to allow everyone to take a brief nap.”

“We are not doing that,” Nie Mingjue said. “We’re not toddlers.”

“We should do that,” Lan Wangji said, opening his eyes.

Wei Wuxian’s head turned at the sound of Lan Wangji’s voice. “Do what?”

“Break up the meeting for everyone to take a nap and return with steadied nerves and calmer minds,” Nie Huaisang said.

“We should definitely do that,” Wei Wuxian said, and nudged Jiang Cheng. “Hey, Jiang Cheng, how do you feel about everyone in the room taking a nap before we continue discussing the war?”

“That is the best idea I’ve ever heard,” Jiang Cheng said.

“You’re not serious,” Nie Mingjue said. “You cannot be serious right now.”

“Oh, we are very serious,” Lan Xichen said, and cleared his throat, waving for people’s attention. “Everyone, in light of the scourge of dream-eaters we’ve all been struggling with over the past few weeks, I have a suggestion…”

#mdzs #nie mingjue #lan xichen #lan wangji #nie huaisang #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #my fic #my fics #dream-eaters #ebonykain

[with-my-murder-flute]

Sometimes you just have a really intense week and can’t stop thinking about how much trauma Lan Sizhui experienced by the time he was 5 and how being the Very Best Boy isn’t always healthy and then you need to write Lan Wangji the child psychologist and his incredibly anxious foster-son, y’know?

---

Bunny is on time-out again.

"You have to behave,” A-Yuan says in the voice of the potato-head, packing accessories into its body and shoving it into the bed of a soft plastic truck. “You get in the car now.” The Barbie van is already full, with a dinosaur and a fingerpuppet and one of the new larger Lego figures, and all their carefully packed luggage. A-Yuan does that. Over and over again, for each of his toys, he methodically packs and unpacks luggage. It’s his most common form of play, but not the most enjoyable.

A-Yuan’s breathing is rapid and shallow, so much so that he takes little gasps when he talks to himself. Routinely, predictably, he’s calmer when he turns away from the dollhouse. He’s most collected when selecting items to put into luggage, deciding on pieces of felt and Barbie shoes, but even with the vehicles he can lose himself enjoying the movement and progress of the cars. But underneath it all, there’s a jerkiness to his movements and a certain disconnected quality in his speech and body language that tells Lan Wangji that he’s pretty distressed.

It’s a step forward that Bunny is out at all, Lan Wangji knows. A behaviour therapist at A-Yuan’s last preschool made it a point to extinguish comfort-seeking behaviour towards the toy, which was becoming both careworn and grubby. A-Yuan’s had it at least since he was fourteen months old; it was with him when he came into care. Maybe his birth mother gave it to him. A-Yuan has obediently derogated the toy; if it’s left lying out, he can usually be trusted to throw it into a corner to prove what a big, grown-up boy he is.

Lan Wangji has very carefully gauged his son’s limits of tolerance for some things. When the car ride begins, he waves slightly and says, “Have a nice trip,” which makes A-Yuan glance back at him nervously, but it’s just mild enough, just unemotional enough, just tolerable enough, that it doesn’t provoke too much emotion. A-Yuan can keep pushing his vehicles around, and feel safe enough to drive one into Lan Wangji’s foot. He doesn’t persevere at that point, though; the trip has culminated and he gets up and walks to where he can see down the hallway to the front door, then wanders over to the slide.

A hundred million years ago, Lan Wangji thought he’d be a genetics researcher, like his uncle. Then he thought he’d be a neuroscientist, like his undergraduate thesis advisor. Then he thought he’d be a psychologist like his brother, who focuses entirely on assessment and the development of psychometric tools. For a little bit in grad school, he thought he’d counsel adults, like Wei Wuxian, until a classmate told Wei Wuxian that Dialectical Behavioural Therapy was “objectively badass” and he developed a fixation Lan Wangji could not follow. In retrospect his career path is absolutely obvious, resonating clearly through every bone of him, but it took him a very long time to realize he ought to work with children. It’s a little shocking that he, who was so bad at being a child, feels so prepared to be a father.

He smiles when A-Yuan looks at him anxiously from the slide, the moment of uncertainty as he lets go and begins sliding down triggering the need for reassurance. Lan Wangji is always waiting for that glance, waiting to return it. At A-Yuan’s last placement he’d been assessed as having an avoidant/dismissing attachment style, and despite its uncharitable and parent-shaming nature Lan Wangji can’t help but agree with what his husband had muttered over that one: “Were the parents even trying?”

The most vital task, and the hardest, is being present in the moment with a child. Not worrying about the future, not concerned with the past, not preoccupied with an external standard. He’s surprisingly bad at performing objective assessments with children, because he can see how unfair they all are. His greatest facility is something he built for himself, brick by painstaking brick: the willingness to sit with discomfort, and have faith that the chaos will not remain chaos. All his years of meditation have cultivated a still eye to see the world from, and the faith that patience and compassion will see him through.

Still smiling, still watching A-Yuan, Lan Wangji moves closer to the dollhouse. He carefully stars arranging its contents, righting knocked-over furniture and returning blankets to little wooden beds. He takes out a shark figurine, a couple of doll clothes, then puts Bunny on the floor near his shin. When A-Yuan comes close, magnetically drawn away from the slide, Lan Wangji reaches behind himself for the tea set they were using earlier, arranging cups and plates in front of him as though they’re going to have another tea party. He leaves the placement of the cups ambiguous; it’s not like Bunny is specifically invited, but there is a suggestive proximity, the way the other cup is in proximity to the shark. A-Yuan takes the teapot, and Lan Wangji solemnly holds his cup out while A-Yuan pours. For the sake of the ritual he accepts milk and refuses sugar and mimes stirring his invisible ingredients before taking a sip.

When A-Yuan is done drinking, Lan Wangji turns to Bunny, lifting a cup, and asks, “Would you like some tea?” A-Yuan noticed the moment that Lan Wangji’s hand moves, but as he addresses the rabbit A-Yuan seems to lose interest, which is to say, he slightly dissociates; blink and you missed it, but his eyes go a little glassy, he looks away, and then he acts on the adrenaline and gets up and wanders away.

The current theory about Bunny is like the theory of gravity, which is to say, it’s definitely pretty certain but it never hurts to be humble when it comes to knowledge. It’s honestly a little more speculative and psychodynamic than Lan Wangji is truly comfortable with, and A-Yuan’s case manager, possibly a little defensive over the last preschool placement, absolutely refuses to consider the possibility. But it still feels as essential and true as which way is up that Bunny performs the vital task of holding all the parts of A-Yuan that he blames for making the adults he cares about disappear. Bunny holds both the neediness and the hope for comfort that were so painful, his son shut them down in order to survive. Bunny was how A-Yuan mediated that desire, the source of his comfort, until he was three and a half, and the behaviour therapist.

A-Yuan knew his foster parents didn’t like him being disorganized and distressed and clingy, that they’d rather he behaved more like a six-year-old than four. Which he could, sometimes, because he had a ferocious intelligence which put him cognitively ahead of his emotional development. But he, well... adapted a little too quickly, one might say. Learned his lesson a little too well. Now they’re trying to reignite the behaviours that were extinguished.

Lan Wangji takes a risk, while A-Yuan is pulling picture books off the lower shelf, and lifts Bunny to his shoulder like a colicky infant. He doesn’t do anything else, aside from stroking the rabbit’s fur. He leaves it in place, with a little guiding help from his hand, when A-Yuan brings a Franklin book over and climbs into his lap, demanding to be read to. With interest he notes, halfway through the story, that Lan Wangji holding and petting Bunny doesn’t distress A-Yuan; as the story arc gets as exciting as Franklin books ever do (which is not, to be clear, a criticism) A-Yuan turns in his arms long enough to distractedly reach up and pet Bunny too, before turning back and trying to grab the book for himself.

Wondering how far he can push this, he keeps Bunny in place on his shoulder when they leave the room to check the clock, and A-Yuan goes to the living-room window to watch the street for Wei Wuxian. He looks curiously when Lan Wangji leans down to dig the remote out between the couch cushions, but easily redirects when Lan Wangji turns on the TV and goes to prepare dinner. Having the show on limits his anxious glances out the window to three or four a minute only, instead of sustained attention followed by a meltdown if he had to wait more than five minutes.

Lan Wangji thinks it would be easier to keep Bunny in place, on his shoulder like a dishtowel, if he had weighted plastic beads in his extremities, or if he was velcroed. He’s wary of changing anything about such a strong comfort object, though, so he just learns to move and stand differently to keep the rabbit from constantly falling off.

A-Yuan greets Wei Wuxian with the kind of terrified delight that looks like general indifference if you don’t know better; he runs over, stands uncertainly within arm’s reach of Wei Wuxian’s legs, and then dodges away before Wei Wuxian can reach down to him. Lan Wangji helpfully muted the show when he heard the door open--it gives A-Yuan the space to sit with his back to the room and self-regulate while the adults say hello.

“New friend?” his husband asks finally, an eyebrow raised.

“Modelling it as appropriate,” Lan Wangji says. “I thought perhaps he could tolerate us demonstrating that it is not discouraged.”

“Nice rabbit, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says seamlessly, in a voice meant to be heard from the couch. “I like it. Makes me wish I had a rabbit.”

“They are very good friends,” Lan Wangji agrees. “This one is not mine, but he is keeping me company.”

“Nice,” Wei Wuxian agrees. “Maybe whoever you borrowed him from will let him hang out with me sometime.”

Their audience does not comment on this, but they didn’t need him to. Wei Wuxian sets the table while Lan Wangji cooks. A-Yuan’s palate is still pretty limited, so he’s used to making three separate elements of one meal, and can live with cutting up cooked hot dog into little coins so long as he doesn’t have to eat them himself. They just supplement their kid’s diet with a multivitamin.

A-Yuan looks askance enough, when dinner is ready, that Lan Wangji takes Bunny off his shoulder and asks, “Where should he sit while we eat?”

There is a fourth chair, albeit completely out of proportion, but he doesn’t dare try it. Instead A-Yuan thinks for a minute, and points to the kitchen counter behind the table. Lan Wangji props Bunny up against the wall, observing dinner if not participating, and after a second to think, A-Yuan accepts this as normal and climbs into his chair. He is meticulously well-behaved.

Lan Wangji aches for his son, and hopes one day he’ll feel confident enough in their love to break the rules around them.

They eat.

#the untamed #my stuff #lan wangji #lan sizhui #AU where everybody's a therapist #the colleague from grad school lan wangji consults most with is nie huisang the family therapist #never saw that coming