#god sometimes this app angers me

[kaveehs]

not so kind reminder to fucking tag your posts especially if they have triggering subject matter

#[ ʚ♡ɞ ] — rena chats #this should be common sense #i don’t need to be scrolling on an x reader tag and be bombarded with the most disgusting content #especially when i have those tags blocked #god sometimes this app angers me #tag your posts #goddammit

[twyftwyt]

here’s a short Noah imagine i scrabbled in my notes app while rotting in bed, i’m wondering if i should write more.

…you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand

and i have less pieces of you than i can hold in my hand…

I knew we weren’t dating. I knew we were never gonna be together officially, so what was the point of fighting over it? What was the point of this whole thing, actually? I wasn’t his to claim and he, for sure, was not mine to call. He was gone almost 300 days of the year. He had gigs, festivals, signings, award shows, record meetings. And I had a 9 to 5 job. I went home, cooked, cleaned, went on vacation sometimes but my routine was way different from his.

So why were we sitting in his car, at 2 in the morning, fighting over “labels”?

“I’m not about to argue with a man who doesn’t even know what he wants.”

“Do you hear yourself? I don’t know what I want? Me? Is that how we’re turning the narrative now?”

“No, Noah. The narrative’s been the same this whole time. Just admit that you don’t want a relationship and we can call it a day and I can finally go home and sleep, cause I have work tomorrow.”

My eyes were burning and so were my cheeks. I was flushed with anger and I could already feel the tears coming.

“I never, NOT ONCE, said that I do not want a relationship. I am INCAPABLE of maintaining one. You wanna miss me for a month straight, see me for a weekend, travel the whole world to spend a day, maximum two with me in between shows? You want me calling you in the middle of the night, waking you up just because where I’m at it’s midday and it’s the only possible time for me to call you? You want to put us in a position where my trust will be questioned all the time? And you’ll be anxious if you see me with another woman just because I HAVE to work with her? You wanna go through all of this?”

“Seems like you don’t want to, so what’s the point of having this conversation? Please, just take me home.”

I couldn’t contain myself anymore and I felt the tears streaming down my face. I was starting to shake but I didn’t want to make a bigger scene than what this conversation had already turned to. I was spent. And hurt and tired. And he was just sitting in the driver seat, looking at me, not knowing what to do. He looked so pathetic, it was insane how much I allowed myself to fall in love with him. He was just. a. stupid. man. He never knew how to react properly and most of the time it was funny watching him struggle to pick the right words, but he was always big on physical contact, so he’d just pull me in his arms until I stop crying. He didn’t do that now though. He was just staring at me, blankly. I turned to face the window and put my legs up on the seat, curling into a little ball.

I heard the engine start and the radio came back to life with the most gut wrenching song Spotify could pick. God, I hate that shared playlist. And I hate myself for falling for him.

#noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens cult #noah sebastian fic #Spotify

[blood-teeth]

TMITAWH is 2 years old????!!!!

i cant believe i missed it that sounds so ridiculous to me! in my defense, i was driving for two weeks straight

i don't have anything planned for celebration; i'm so sorry! but i do have some updates!

for those that missed it, tmitawh is now a novel and will no longer be told in an interactive fiction format. this has upset a lot of people. i've lost a lot of followers over this announcement. and i can understand this to some extent, but largely i have to continue to be unapologetic about my choices.

this story is one that has, in every meaning of the phrase, saved my life. writing in this little world has gotten me through some of the darkest times and carried me through to the next day. at some point, IF stopped being a media that was capable of telling the story i wanted to tell.

i'm disheartened by a lot of the anons i've received. some are hateful and unkind. others are upset that they no longer will have the opportunity to pursue Cain or Ezio, and a few mention that they're not interested in reading a lesbian story and will not be reading the book if it ever makes it to publication. i've disregarded the first, but the second cuts the deepest i think.

i have never, ever been shy on this app that i'm a lesbian. i feel as though i've talked endlessly about it. being a lesbian is a huge facet of my identity and being told that, in so many words, a story written for myself, with other queer people in mind, is not for them seems like such a stupid thing to say. like, i didnt write it for you. i wrote it for me. i wrote it for the lesbians who love so violently that they have to hide it away under their clothes, in between their teeth. i wrote it for the lesbians who have been told their love is disgusting, or wrong, or sexy and for a male's pleasure only. i wrote it for the lesbians who are told their love is okay as long as they never show it- as long as they only hold hands at most but never kiss in public. i wrote it for the lesbian who sits in pews and breathes over their hands and wonders if God loves them still.

i'm not sorry to not have written a story catered for you when the whole world is for you. leave me out of your self-absorbed, hateful little orbit.

please know, this blog does not tolerate hatred, bigotry, or harassment in any shape or form. and if you're going to fuck around with me, you sure as hell are going to find out with me.

on a more positive note!

i want to thank you all who have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive of my endeavors!! it means the absolute world to me!! i sometimes hold myself at night and think of all the kind words y'all have sent over these past two years and just sob. never in my life before this could i have imagined sharing my work with people who give a shit and care. it warms me in ways i cannot begin to describe. i love you and i hope you are well as always. my inbox/dms are open ANYTIME if you just want to chat, catch up, rant to me, or tell me about your pet. actually, please tell me about your pet.

Some quick publishing updates:

I'm 20k words out of 90k into draft 2. and i think this is going to be the last draft before i query (?????) i'm really very happy with the muscles and bones of the manuscript. now it's just some meticulous line editing i have to work through.

after this, i'm off to the query trenches. (im scared) if anybody has gone through this process before and has any tips, i'd love to hear them!

here's a little excerpt:

"She grabs hard enough to make sure of her presence, not enough to bruise. Some sick part of the Traveler’s brain says, Yes. Please. More. Press deeper. Press harder. Bruise me. Hurt me. She delights in the heat that blossoms from where the Reverie digs her fingers into skin. Eyes earnest, stubborn disposition to her jaw as the thick muscle there flickers in an implication of anger. “I will find you,” she’s shaping her tongue into a dagger at the Traveler’s throat. “I will find you again, and that is a promise.” The Traveler gasps, tilting her head higher. She blinks and— The Reverie’s mouth is on hers, hot and aching, and the Traveler blinks— Want flavors the Traveler’s tongue, the Reverie’s hands pressed tightly against her collarbone, teeth at her jaw. She blinks and— Is this Before or After?"

i also, stupidly, have officially started a twitter that i want to start working with. i know twitter is dead, but it remains to be very useful for publishing. if you'd like to follow me, im there on @ morganhollow25. i dont know how to use it. im scared to use it. but if you have a twitter maybe follow me there too! i absolutely plan to be on tumblr primarily. i love it here and have grown a tiny home in these webs.

i'll have more updates coming soon regarding FTMTB and other works. thank you all again <3

#long post #long update #update #tmitawh #tell me if there's a way home #this was a lot more lecture-y than i meant it to be #but i dont think i said anything unnecesary #writeblr

[swords-of-a-soilder]

Bless you for compiling what’s going on with that ex-bird app. It’s been genuinely insightful for me to understand the thoughts of the kinds of people behind those accounts.

That person trying to cancel creators for associating with Forever (and probably advocating for his lore to be excised from the server) saying “but I can’t possibly give up guapoduo, it’s My Hyperfixation” is very telling. Hypocrisy specifically in the context of “separating the art from the artist” isn’t something I’ve seen before, shockingly, so I guess I get to add that to my Social Media Discourse Bingo. (I had an online friend in 2016 who I was terrified to talk about my interests with because I didn’t know what angry punk teenagers on tumblr had deemed “evil and disgusting”, and even SHE stopped listening to some of her favorite metal bands when she learned they were homophobic, and had absolute turmoil when she learned that David Bowie might have allegedly slept with an underage groupie in the 70s. Her constant, unpredictable rage at seemingly random pieces of media was awful for my mental health, but at least she wasn’t a genuine hypocrite.)

Also that tone of “I’ve had good memories here… but I just can’t handle it anymore.” It sounds like someone whose meaningful but soul-crushing work has finally broken them, almost sounding like someone I knew at the frontline worker job I had mid-pandemic who missed her own birthday three years in a row, got repetitive stress injuries, and then got passed over for a promotion that was given to someone who did a fraction of the work. But the “God willing, I’ll never come back” was followed by “I’m 13” …damn, I got whiplash so hard that I astral projected into a universe where things made sense for a second. Because of course kids don’t have a complex view of other countries’ political systems or cultural pressures. Or the nuances of personal change and redemption. Or that sometimes people are just not online for a few days. And of course a 13-year-old doesn’t understand how dumb and petty they look by trying to ruin other peoples’ careers in the name of Activism (tm) while having a fandom portmanteau username.

“I didn’t want it to come to this but… I’m going to delete twitter!” I hope so, but more for their own sake, honestly. I actually have less anger towards most of them now. Many are kids with a false sense of grandiosity that makes them believe they are the ultimate moral authority, but have very little understanding of how messy people or societies can be. I just hope they can learn one day, and look back on who they are now and cringe. (And then many years after that, have the grace to forgive themselves.)

Oof, sorry for the wall of text.

I’m still not over the whole situation with Forever. I miss his energy, and his accent, and his silly bits with Richas that always dragged on too long, and N.I.N.H.O. (and everything it represented), and how different he and Cellbit are but how they understood each other WAY too well, and how he tried to make people who didn’t log onto the server as often still feel welcome and wanted, and how happy he got when anyone non-Brazilian even tried to speak a little bit of Portuguese. (I was learning, but I’ve barely touched it since.) I won’t lie, it’s affected me far more than I thought it would.

I miss Forever. Thank you for your blog being a little space where that’s okay.

I'm honestly a little worried for the kid (s), not in a "oh I just want the best for" fake bs way just a little concerned tbh. I still don't like them but I don't hate them either, they're a kid.

But at the same time I'm worried for their well being, they have like 5,000 follower on their main Twitter and 28 on curious cat (which is apprantly high for that app )

That's 5000 people (teens or not) waiting for you to tell them how to feel that can't be good for their mental state, not for a 13 yr old kid.

Most of their life was spent learning about the world and their still learning, these are the ages where you're worried about the sun blowing up.

You haven't seen how awful the world can be yet, You haven't seen how much worst it could get you haven't learned calculus yet!

To you the world is only these 13 years and you think if you don't act now everything will be over.

I get it, I had that fear too, most people grown into it and realize just how shitty it can get an settle in choosing their own battles and not letting It consume them, because no one had time for that anymore.

You want to experience the most out of live while you can and the older you get the easier it is to balance.

To me it looks like one of those situation where you'll look back and think "I wish I enojyed my childhood."

Because 5000 people waiting for you to tell them who to bash, 28 people prasing your while admitting they use to hate you.

It can't be good. And if they were to read this they'd probably say "oh you don't actually care you just want to shit on me."

And like, yeah I don't care, but am I saying all this because I want to shit on them? no I'm just pointing out concerns.

Apart from that I fully agree with anon.

#Ask #Qsmp #qsmp discussion

[pretentiousgayguyidk]

Hello

Can I get uuuuuuh

Smiley x male reader where smiley says something dumb and kind of hurtful to reader and has to basically do some ass kissing because his friends called him out for hurting readers feelings

OMFG YES OF COURSE! We love Nahoya in this house. (Also love how my favorite fuckin author on this app is my first suggestion AND it's Nahoya- honestly this is great)

CW: Mentions of self harm, reader has old self harm scars

(Name) smiled as he slung his arms over Nahoya's shoulder, resting his chin on top of the other's head. The two often greeted each other in such fashion usually only earning a small kiss on their hands, this time though, Nahoya was rambling. (Name) wasn't necessarily listening to the conversation as he rants to his more quiet brother. When he happened to tune in, he wasn't very pleased by his boyfriend's... Ignorance.

"I don't really understand people who like, cut themselves. I saw a chick with scars like that earlier, I just really don't get why someone would do it." He rambled, (Name) felt a lump form in his throat, he was glad the uniforms had long sleeves. After a second he excused himself, claiming he needed to use the bathroom. He rolled up his sleeves a little and glanced down at the light pink scars before rolling his sleeves down. He had been clean for a long time but hearing his own boyfriend mention it's made a chill go down his spine.

(Name)'s anxiety slowly turned to slight anger and irritation at his lover's lack of empathy, causing him to avoid the other. Which lead to Smiley trusting his brother with the "top secret" mission if trying to find out why (Name) was so angry with him. Which lead them to their current situation. Hoya hiding in a bush, watching intently as Souya approached (Name); who was kicking a rock down the street.

"(Name)! Wait up!" Souya called out, chasing after his friend. (Name) paused and looked up, smiling a little.

"Hey Angry." He mumbled, making Nahoya strain to hear him. Souya rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, glancing over at Nahoya then back to (Name); trying to find the right words.

"I- er... Why are you avoiding Hoya?" He drew out the question, sounding more questioning to himself than to (Name). The other's smile turned to an irritated pout as he crossed his arms, his hands subconsciously covering where his scars would be.

"Nahoya's so ignorant sometimes." He grumbled, huffing a little. The word "ignorant" pierced through Nahoya almost comically, slightly damaging his pride. He never thought himself to be ignorant, hearing it from his boyfriend was certainly unpleasant.

"Yeah, he kinda is sometimes. But what did he do this time." Souya asked, emphasis on "this time" making Nahoya lower his head, gritting his teeth in irritation. I swear I'll kill you two. He thought, squinting at (Name) and Souya, quietly willing for their heads to explode; almost childishly.

"God, remember when he was talking about the girl who had self harm scars?" (Name) asked gesturing with his hands at nothing, he always talked with his hands more than usual when he was mad. Souya nodded at his question. "Well at first when he said it I was anxious that he'd find out about my scars, but now I'm just- just straight up angry at his lack of empathy! I mean, you don't just point out someone else's scars, that's so rude! And he didn't even consider that maybe, just maybe that some people can't handle their own emotions that well, or- or that they have a tough home life and have no way to take out their frustrations!" He rambled. Nahoya and Souya sat there, stunned into silence at the other's rant.

"W-wait, you self harmed?!" Souya asked, slightly alarmed. (Name) huffed and crossed his arms again.

"Yeah yeah, I used to, but I'm clean now. But hearing someone be so ignorant as to why people do always irks me to no end." He grumbled, Souya nodded a little. Now everything made sense, the little semicolon tattoo on his hand, and the fact he usually, if not always wore long sleeves. Nahoya sat there, a small, slight pout on his face. He would have to do some serious ass kissing to get on (Name)'s good side, he's seen how bad his grudges get. Sometimes (Name) will hold a grudge out of pure spite of the person, not even because he's upset at them.

Souya glanced over at the bush again then back at (Name) who sighed dramatically. "Hoya, get your ass over here. I know you're over there... You're not very good at hiding." He mumbled the last part; which was true, Nahoya's strawberry blond hair stuck out like a sore thumb against the green leaves of the bush. He slowly stood up and stepped over it to face (Name) a small pout on his face.

"Hi..." He mumbled, not daring to look up at (Name). The other glared at Nahoya, at least untill he saw his boyfriend's cute little pout. He tried his best to keep up the irritated act, trying to spitefully hold a grudge... And slowly failing.

"You have something to say? Nahoya?" (Name) hissed leaning closer to his boyfriend, making the Kawata twin look at him. He slowly looked up to properly look at his boyfriend, tensing up and shivering at the ice cold glare on his partner's face.

"I'm so sorry!" He shouted, bowing steeply. The other tapped his foot, waiting for his boyfriend to continue.

"And?" He asked, Nahoya sniffed a little. He hated people being mad at him, expecially his darling boyfriend.

"I'm so so sorry for my ignorance, I didn't realize how messed up it was untill you mentioned it! Please forgive me!" He shouted, his head still tipped forward. (Name) pretended to contemplate it, making Nahoya tense up.

"Hmm, add in a few dates and I'll think about it." (Name) said making Nahoya look up a smile on his face.

"You mean it?" The twin's lover held out his pinky, the hand that had the semicolon tattoo.

"Pinky swear." Nahoya giggled and intertwined their pinkys. Once the deal was sealed he practically pounced on (Name), making him stumble back as the fluffy haired boy nuzzled into his neck. Who knew Nahoya could be so clingy after a week of ignoring him? (Name) sighed and pat his emotional boyfriend's head. Angry raised his fist in victory, looking off put instead of the usual murderous glare.

"...How long have you been planning this?"

"Four days..."

#nahoya kawata #male reader #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x male reader #nahoya x reader #nahoya x male reader #fluff #tw self harm mention

[spaceorphan18]

I think I'm losing my mind. I was on reddit and I uninstall that yesterday cause of glee subreddit(if you don't know what is glee subreddit, there is a social media app called reddit where people of common interest or region can get together and discuss on topics posted) . So the glee reddit is kinda annoying. As far as what I've observed , that reddit has more of brittana fans and they kept bashing klaine.

The funny thing is that they hate klaine for the same reason they love brittana. Well hate and love is one's feeling. But I don't know if this particular incident triggered me. Someone was as usual bashing on klaine in a klaine Christmas celebration post. Not a hate post. So I got into a heated argument. Then there was a DM that a person accused me of lifting lines from other peoples fic to mine. And they blocked.

The thing is this fandom is not so young. Meaning you would have fics on almost all genres with similar kinda writing. I am just pissed that person accused me without any proof. Not just that.

There is this another person, who is on tumblr too. They say that they love Kurt but they said what Kurt did to get back to klaine relationship was cringey. I asked what made him cringey cause he didn't do much to get into relationship. It was all sue. And they just typed "stfu" get as spontaneously as they can.

Now what broke the camels back was I put a misinterpreted statement on another post. And I didn't know one of Rachel's dad in s3 was black but not as black as what they showed in the s1. Someone explained that the actor Brian stokes was mixed ,has black ethnicity and had lighter colour than the dude shown in s1. I agreed and I said that was my point and oh my god,the downvotes.

I just said call me racist if you want,I don't care and there is this person who called me stfu came up,called me annoying and I need help. I just cited that they have less temper and I don't need a psychology lesson from them and the person just bitched and said to seek professional help.

I don't know why I am ranting to you. I'm so sorry. I just want someone to talk me through this. This keeps pissing me off.

Hey dear! No, it's fine - sometimes it's just easier to write it all out and just let yourself feel all the things. And it's totally fine.

I'm sorry for all the crap you've been going through! It's rough when fandom does not feel like the fun place you want it to be.

I am aware of reddit and have never really been a fan. I've heard the Glee fandom on there is pretty terrible in general, so I've always avoided it. It's hard, sometimes, when there doesn't feel like a lot of places to go -- especially when the fandom has very much faded and dwindled. But my best advice is to always step away from the places that make you angry.

(It can be hard, I know! When I first joined tumblr, I think I followed people I didn't really like mostly because I felt like I /needed/ to hear their wrong take. It took me a while to figure out that it was better mentally to not engage at all.)

There are also a lot of people who would rather revel in their hate of a thing than rejoice in their enjoyment. There have been psychological studies about how anger brings people together more than love. (Interestingly, I remember a long time ago there used to be a forum for Chris fans and the biggest, most trafficked thread was about hating Darren.)

I think the other unfortunate thing so often in fandoms is that people only really want to hear what they want to hear and be validated that their opinion is the /right/ one instead of listening to what other people have to say and respecting that some people don't respond to the same things you do. It's unfortunate that things become black and white and lines need to be drawn, but alas, the internet (and humans) have always been tribal like this.

Meanwhile, the best thing I can say is just enjoy the thing you like. These people are just going to be assholes whether you engage with them or not, so why give them a platform? Your mental health is worth more than their time - so give yourself a break.

You're welcome to come chat with me any time. :)

<3

[geometricalien]

Between Akashi & Furihata, if one of them died, who do you think is more likely to heal from the pain of loss sooner & moves on with his life?

When has Akashi Seijuurou gotten over anything in his fucking life? This rhetorical jest is an oversimplification of one of Akashi's character flaws which is his need for control. This is all to say, simply based on that, Furihata is the more emotionally intelligent of the two, the one more open and accepting to change. I think they both would require years to fully heal but I think Furihata would be the one to move on sooner.

I've tried to keep it short and direct above for those without brainrot but I AM going to go apeshit below the cut

Oh my god oh my god oh my GOD I'm so glad someone wants to hear me talk about THIS, THIS EXACT CONCEPT- ACCEPTING THE LOVE OF THEIR LIVES DEATH FASCINATES ME ENDLESSLY FUCK

Okay for reference there has been 2 fanfics involving this concept that I read when I first got into akafuri and they have HEAVILY influenced my perception of this question:

- The Truth About Reality; which is literally about Furihata not accepting Akashi's death and through mysticism goes to 4/5 different parallel realities to get him back. It's a favorite of mine and I read it once a year. It has themes of sacrifice and second chances which make it so crucial to the thematic elements of akafuri. Read it please

- Through the Air by Maiokoe; I love the first chapter, literally Kuroko Kagami Takao and Midorima come to Akashi while he is at work and inform him that Furihata's flight just crashed. It is so so so good. The way it plays out, Akashi's mounting fear, his resistance, the way his fear turns to anger then to despair- sometimes I cry when I reread it. And the last lines of the chapter---

What was a world without his lover? What was this life without his easy nature and smiles? What was this life without his affection? What was this world without Furihata Kouki? What did this world mean to him? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What was Akashi Seijuuro without him? He didn’t want to find out.

Those lines have colored my opinion of what Akashi would be like if his husband died so fucking much that it really was eventual that I started my Greek fic where Akashi is Achilles and Furihata is Patroclus. So if you know the Iliad then you know how my fic will play out and exactly where I take a stance on Akashi’s terrible all consuming love.

To talk about the dissolution of happily in love akafuri by the cruel hands of death is to examine how their relationship evolved them and what being torn from their other half would do to them. To be haunted by their after image, to look at their favorite mug, to wear their favorite sweater- who would wear grief better. Who would welcome it, accept its presence. Who would repress it.

Please do not mistake what I'm saying to mean Furihata would move on quickly. Where Furihata is Akashi's light, Akashi is his gravity. He would be adrift and untethered without Akashi. The world would turn upside down. He would feel the expanse of their house, the emptiness of their bed. Furihata would be lost. It would take years to come down back to earth by himself.

Furihata would eventually move out of that house/apartment too full of memories, at the prodding of well meaning friends he would download dating apps, eventually he would go on dates and try his best to not compare them to his late husband because how could a man compare to a god. And then years and years down the line, when his heart only half aches when he sees a hair of red, when he only wears that old ratty sweater on the occasion bad day, he can look up into the sky and smile, thankful for the memories. I think he could even fall in love again, begin a new chapter.

A large chunk of Furihata is lost the day Akashi dies but he grows around the pain and walks on. Accepting the scars, accepting the love and pain, accepting it all.

As I said though, Furihata is Akashi's light. His metric on good and bad. The saving grace that redeemed him and inspired him to become worthy of such love.

Imagine if the sun was stolen from the sky and we were pitched into utter darkness. Until our eyes adjust and we can make out some shapes, you are surrounded in black black. Complete emptiness. Alone more than ever before and for a moment you think it will consume you. That is how Akashi feels for the first year until his eyes adjust to the darkness. He would continue in this shadow life indefinitely, watching everyone else patch themselves together and move on, while he.is.stuck. And he won't admit it and only those brave enough would say it to his face, but he is absolutely wallowing, sulking, in this darkness as self-punishment. that in some twisted sense, this is what he deserves. he digs his feet in, refusing to move. And if out of the corner of his eye a flicker of light dances, he would refuse to follow it. The dark is where he belongs.

He would bury himself in work. He would refuse to move out of their house. Refusing to touch any of the things that Kouki last left them, his toothbrush bone dry in the holder, the book he was reading on his bedside table.

And when his friends compare him to his father- he becomes furious, alight with indignation. He is not cold and cruel like his father had been. "No... you're empty."

It would take him so so long to accept that Furihata would want him to be happy even if its not with him. That he deserves to be happy. Only then would he take tiny half steps out of the cave he buried himself in, the cave that he would have made his grave.

As a side note, I mentioned Furihata falling in love with someone else afterwards... my personal interpretation is that Akashi could not. He would try if only just because he knows Furihata wants him to be happy and knew that Akashi is the most happy when he is in love- but The Akashi heart is a fearsome terrible all consuming thing.

Akashi Seijuurou, is a man who celebrated the anniversary of each milestone of their relationship. Akashi Seijuurou, is a man who is head over heels in love and worships the ground his beloved walks on. Akashi Seijuurou, is a man who calls their partner love- because they are the manifestation of their love. Akashi Seijuurou, is a man who would go to the far corners of the world to see if there was some way to still communicate with their partner if said partner was turned into a worm and would build a terrarium of utmost luxury for said partner and talk to the worm as if it was them, take the worm to see the sun meet the ocean, because they have to hope that their partner still has some consciousness. And if not, then he needs to do that for himself. To fool himself. And once that worm passes, he would be extra compassionate to earthworms because they remind him of them.

The Akashi heart is a blessing to the receiver for there is nothing stronger or purer. The Akashi heart is a curse to the creator if only because they have that one single heart and they are physically unable to take it back.

#ask box #akafuri #akashi seijuurou #furihata kouki #knb #kuroko no basket #akashi seijuro #i think about this ALOT okay #i have opinions #i need to fucking scream on every roof top that furihata is akashi's light and that akashi is his gravity #i need people to know this #i need people to know about the terrible and heavy burden that is the akashi heart #and don't get me started on how bokushi plays into all of this as a protector okay?? how akashi relies on him when his world and worldview #breaks. #ill just say- #where oreshi wallows. #bokushi rages.

[alister312]

for the character questions - kyle with 21 and 24?

ooh kyle!! a boy i love but don't talk about nearly enough 🥰

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

honestly i love describing Kyle. his curls are so wonderful and distinctive and everyone should notice them!! same goes for freckles everywhere and green eyes but those are only tentatively canon (but i will fight for them as absolute canon to my last breath). i just feel like Kyle is a very pretty guy with some (justified) anger issues and people should love and appreciate that. also i adore writing TSOT Kyle in general. that man was made to be an elven prince and/or king. something i don't like..... probably trying to find a good variation in dialogue sometimes. i find myself making him say "Oh God" a lot when he's either appalled, embarrassed, annoyed, etc. it's a really good phrase and it suits Kyle nicely but i can't keep using it as a catchall...... and yet i can never help myself from doing so anyways 😅 nothing seems to capture what i'm going for while also feeling still true to Kyle as that does

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

i'll be honest, i haven't been that deep into that many fandoms. there's lots of media i've enjoyed, but not a ton that i'd consider myself in the fandom of. that being said, i definitely think Kyle reminds me a lot of Blossom from PPG lol. the red hair, the knack for academics, the habit of lowkey preaching to those around them... it's all there. which is funny to me bc when i was first into the PPG, i hated Blossom but that's mostly bc i was Not Like Other Girls (trans) so i loved Buttercup. and Blossom negs Buttercup all the time (which is fair honestly, Buttercup can be kind of a dick). another more obscure character Kyle reminds me of, and now stay with me here, is Klik from the Pocket God comics. if anyone remembers the app Pocket God from wayyy back, you're probably looking at me with very judgemental eyes right now but we are all living in beautiful glass houses here on tumblr dot com so hush. anyway, some incredible talent took that very stupid app game concept and turned it into a totally kickass comic with rich lore and a compelling story. i remember reading it as it came out years ago but more recently rediscovered it bc they put it all up on webtoons for free. Klik is one of the most interesting characters in the comic, often with his faith and what it means to look after those around him while also coming to terms with how his concern comes across as petty nagging and working to fix it. i don't want to say too much honestly bc if you're reading this and you like Kyle, you should go read the comic lol. argue with me afterwards if u think i'm wrong

character ask here for reference!

#thank u for the ask anon!! shaking hands w u fellow kyle lover #south park #kyle broflovski

[r0und3bitch]

TF❤️‍🔥 Blurb - 1001

Notes: started this in my notes app last fall— just finished it this evening. Debated posting it but it's fluffy and Rafe is needy/sad. Late night vibes. Short & Sweet 🫶🏻

Eleven Mai Tais.

That’s how many drinks you’d apparently consumed— according to you. According to Topper— it was likely closer to five or six.

Between your slurred words and swaying body, Rafe was starting to believe it may in fact be closer to your guess…

“Baby, you’ve gotta help me out a tiny bit here—” he begged playfully as he used all his body weight to hold yours up. 

And although not a single one of your words prior was said clearly, your next ones came out crystal clear. 

“You’re cute when you beg.”

Rafe fumbled for the briefest of seconds, grip threatening to lose you for a moment—before he heard you shriek, feeling the support you were leaning against waning. 

“Oh fuck—” Rafe’s arms tightened instinctively, pulling you safely back to his chest before you could fall more than an inch or two. “You’re gonna kill me, baby…” he growled into your ear. “Not fair when I’m dead sober, too.”

“Mmm— sorry. I miss’d yew t’night, though. Hope it wasn’t too bad with your Dad….” 

You were too drunk to notice the way Rafe tensed around you, to notice the way his jaw clenched as he led you upstairs to your room. 

Rafe’s evening with his father wasn’t just too bad. It was downright fucking horrible. 

He pushed the memories of his screaming father away as they floated back to the surface, instead concentrating on helping you unlace your sneakers and finding you clothes to sleep in.

“Wait!”

Rafe reached out his hands as a means to gently quiet you, your voice reaching high octaves through the painfully quiet house. 

“Wait!” You whispered back sarcastically. “You’re not leaving me, right? Stay with me. Please? You look s’tired too…” 

And although Rafe knew Ward was expecting him back at Tanneyhill, he knew he wasn’t stepping foot out of your bedroom the second he heard those words come out of your mouth. 

When Rafe feels your hand come up to run through his hair, he feels all the anger built up at his father dissolve until it melts into the bottom pits of his stomach, washing him with something close to sadness. 

“C’mere—need to feel you.” 

You grab onto Rafe and lead him down onto the bed next to you, each of you stripping off your outer layers until he feels your warm skin against his. 

Your back is pressed against his chest and he’s listening to you ramble off (slightly, very incoherently) about your entertaining evening consisting of dinner and drinks at the Island Club while Topper's extended family was in from out of town. 

Even between the words of yours that made sense, his mind kept fluttering back to his turbulent afternoon spent on the receiving end of one of Ward’s ruthless moods. 

He was so deep in thought he hadn’t noticed you’d stopped talking until he felt your hands squeeze at his arms. 

“Ouffffff—” you groaned as he felt you breathe out, trying to steady yourself as your mind swayed. “Thank god you’re here, I’m unwell.”

You cradled Rafe’s hand under your chin affectionately. 

“Mmmm, Rafe— you make everything better.”

Your gentle, soothing words that usually felt like warm sunshine came crashing down on him, colliding with nothing but the monumental inadequacy that had harbored within him like a long lost friend. 

“I don’t know what you see in me sometimes…”

His voice was barely a whisper but he hadn’t thought before he opened his lips, counting on your lack of sobriety for his words to just casually melt away. 

They do quite the opposite though, planting panic into your already frazzled brain. More surprising though, his words pressurize to create a force strong enough to sober you up just enough to pull at something deep within you. Something deep within you screaming at you to pull yourself together. Rafe needs you. 

“Rafe...”

He feels you turn around so you’re chest to chest, your eyes furrowing together when you’re not met with his ocean blues, instead met with his long lashes nearly tangling together as his eyelids close. 

“Rafe.” You say it with more purpose this time, trying to gather your drunken thoughts together, trying to strategize the right words to say that will do your feelings justice. 

Slowly opening his eyes, Rafe sees you light up, alcohol still clearly in effect. 

“I can list about a thousand reasons…maybe even a thousand and one…” you tease playfully. “Wanna hear them?”

“All one thousand?” he jokes back, finally letting his walls come down a bit so you can comfort him. 

He hears it first before feeling your purr-like laugh vibrate through him. 

“Well— maybe not all one thousand...”

Your words hang in the air, feeling your muscles relax further into him. “but— I can give you the one that matters the most to me…”

Before he can answer, he feels your face next to his on the pillow. He looks up slowly, meeting your glazed over eyes with a wicked concentration, knowing the next words you were going to say would likely be seared into his brain forever. 

Your angelic face slowly faltered towards him, a genuine smile plastered on your soft lips as time stood still for a second. 

“You make me feel alive. Free. Like I’m actually living; not just existing.”

…

Song inspiration: Kid Quill - 1001

Taglist: @lurkymurker @mackenzielovee @mor-bs @totallynotkaibiased @aaleksmorozova @onlygetaway @itsalexwin @tsnelf7 @starkeybae @kotzmagoatz @maybanks-cupcake @goldenjo @valentinearc @valeriiecameron @lovedetlost

#twin flames ❤️‍🔥 #rafe cameron #rafe #outerbanks #drew starkey #outer banks #obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x reader

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

for the short scene/drabble thing, 25 and 29 for roderick and thorne?

Prompt 25: when i opened the door, i immediately wished i hadn't.

Prompt 29: "don't play dumb, you know what i want." "spell it out for me, baby."

Oh, lord, who knows what these two are up to with this one.

On with the fic!

--

Roderick wasn't exactly in the best of moods, and his brother had been quick to pick up on it during their weekly phone call, now that they were on better terms with one another.

"Does Thorne need to apologize for something?" Donald asked and Roderick sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Very. What happened?"

"He... the absolute moron of a man decided that I didn't need to know he was going on tour again! No, no, I had to find out about it from a student this morning!"

Donald inhaled through his teeth. "Ooh, I can see why you're very angry with him. Have you talked to him yet?"

"I've tried, but Thorne is not picking up his phone. This isn't unusual, the fool constantly misplaces it. I really should get that... find the phone thing, whatever it is."

"Find My Phone app, yeah." There was a shout from somewhere on the other line. "Oh, oh no! Sorry, gotta cut it short tonight, one of the boys is getting into something! Talk to your boyfriend and chew him out, okay, bye!"

The line cut off and Roderick set his phone aside, rubbing at his face. "Would love to do that, Donald, but he's not picking up his phone." He grumbled, then nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock at the door.

When he opened the door, he immediately wished he hadn't. Because Thorne just waltzed his way inside, like he owned the place. He greeted Roderick with a kiss and the conductor shoved him back.

"Whoa! Someone's in a mood!" Thorne pouted, rubbing where Roderick had pushed against his chest. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Roderick snipped. "What's wrong, he asks! You know what's wrong!"

"I... don't?"

"Oh come on, it's pretty obvious! I sent you voice mails!"

"I don't check those, you know that."

Roderick was feeling his temper rise. "God, you're thick! How can you be so casual when you did what you did!?"

Thorne frowned, putting his hands on his hips. "And what exactly did I do? I'm clueless here! Do I owe you somethin'? Do you want somethin'?! I'm clueless!"

"Don't play dumb, you know what I want." Roderick hissed, poking him in the chest.

"Spell it out for me, baby." Thorne glowered. "Cause I have no flippin' idea what the issue is!"

"An apology!" Roderick shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. "An apology for you not telling me you were going back on tour!"

Thorne frowned and then looked shocked. "Oh. Oh fuck me sideways, how did you find out?"

"One of my students told me this morning, heard it on the radio."

"Fuck!" The shorter man slapped his forehead. "Baby, listen, I was plannin' on tellin' you this weekend, once we got got everything finalized! It's just a UK tour, nothin' big, but I think my producer or the record label must've slipped up, said somethin', and now people know!"

He frowned, pouting a bit. "I was gonna take ya out for dinner, let you know I'd be gone for six weeks for the tour. I was gonna make it a romantic night to soften the blow cause I know this sorta thing sucks for the other partner in the relationship."

The anger that had boiled over in Roderick calmed down and he rubbed at his face again. "It was a mistake then?" He asked quietly. "You weren't just keeping something from me?"

"No! Course not! I tell you everythin'! You know this, I'm pretty annoyin' about it, ya said so yourself, remember?"

"You are, you have this need to tell me every time you've seen a cat."

"Sometimes there's pictures!" Thorne grinned.

Roderick smiled just a little before frowning. "Sorry for overreacting."

"Sorry that someone I work with is a dumbass and doesn't know how to keep their gob shut." He approached and kissed Roderick on the cheek. "We cool then?"

"Yes, I suppose we are."

"Oh, good! Cause I did make reservations at that expensive place you like, didn't want to cancel, that was a hard time slot to get!"

#thorne jamison x roderick peterson #john's drabbles

[rancidexpression]

My Friends Discovery of my Sex List

TW SA

In my notes app I write down forgotten passwords and grocery lists.

Cat litter

Kale

Almond Milk

Baby cucumbers

 I sometimes use it as a space to try to remember things I will inevitably forget about. I mostly write about people. 

I was once on Facetime with my friend XXXX. They, like me, never seem to catch a break. Us catching up was basically just a big shout out to the DSM-5. I told them about how I love to write down quotes from people I love.

“I probably have something written down from you, XXXX”

I didn't. I deleted every single speck of them from my life the night we broke up. I scrolled all the way to the bottom, purposefully taking my time so it looked like I was actually searching. I wasn’t. Time to give up the gig.

“Maybe yours are on my old phone, I don’t use iCloud”

That is true. It's easier to stretch things out instead of facing a person with my shame head-on. I continued to read aloud some quotes. 

“I deserve nothing less than the whole world of a person”. 

I do not know who wrote that, I didn’t say. It is interesting to think I probably did not write down who said it in fear that our relationship was actually fleeting and would inevitably crash and burn. I wrote this down September 8th, 2021. I cannot remember who said it but I am slightly impressed that I knew what the outcome would be. 

XXXXX told me this joke while we were wine drunk and making dinner together. I cannot remember what we were having but I know it was special. 

“When you admitted to inpatient treatment during, like, the first month of us living here, I had the first thought of 'damn and they said they would be here more often'”

She was my best friend in the world,

XXXXXXX said, “Love should hurt but love should not harm”. 

I think about reaching out to them often. I wonder how they are doing all of the time. In many ways I think we thought about love the same way, but they expressed love in ways that harmed themselves. I did the opposite, right?

“Sucking dick is a performance and I am the star”,  XXXXX, 11/22

“OJ is in my ovaries”, XXXXX , 12/21

“I think we are all a little bit on the spectrum”, XXX, 7/23

Few of many. I scrolled a bit more and noticed my sex list. It is a laughable piece of myself.

“Every girl I know has a sex list, XXXX”

“That is fucking weird. You are weird”

“No, I swear to god ask any girl you know!”

I would later find out not many people had a list of every person they have had sex with logged into their notes app. I felt very hot suddenly with this realization, the backs of my legs started to dampen and my heart beat faster. Shame, shame, shame. I wanted to throw my phone down so hard it would shatter just to get the point across that I am not weird. I am always at the extreme ends of my feelings and reactions. 

I felt enraged. There were many aspects of my rage that did and did not make sense. How could I expect a person to think a list of all of the people I have had sex with is okay to have. How could a person -who has sexually assaulted me- give any opinion on what I do to take back the idea of being a sexual person. (It has not gone well at all. The take back. I shared with XXX that I had never had sex while sober before). Maybe this is just me compiling resentment of most of the people I have slept with.

I hated that they were on that list and they had the audacity to poke at it. Sometimes I feel rage so deeply that I want to explode. I hate how many casualties lie in my anger.

#writing #creative writing #creative nonfiction #braindump #literature #writer #diary #spilled

[jothb]

As someone who moved to Tumblr from twitter not so long ago it is actually insane going back to twitter every once in a while and realising just how *bad* it is so me

I have anger management issues. Now part of anger management isnt just trying not to be angry, but rather controlling it and letting it out in non destructive ways. Because of this I sometimes start small semantic arguments with no stakes or involve myself in discourse so stupid no one involved takes it seriously (Stuff like "milk or cereal first" or "Does ACAB include Undyne from UNDERTALE"). Twitter is really bad for me because it doesnt stop showing me stuff that really upsets me and that I *really* do not want to see. No matter how many people I block, topics I mute, Twitter still shows it to me. And so now instead of stupid arguments I get into ones that I take very close to heart.

Tumblr on the other hand? Even if I *wanted* to get into in argument, I would have to actively look for it and try really hard to get involved. I have genuinely not had such a calm experience online in years. I find someone annoying? I just block them, and they are forever gone. Tumblr isnt going to put their posts on my dash just because the second cousin of my mutuals brother replied with "ratio" to it. A topic is really annoying? I would just mute the hashtag and it wont reach my eyes again.

I tried looking up something on Tumblr and expected to see like 90% of the hashtag be filled with discourse just like on Twitter. All I saw was 2 posts and even then I felt it really wasnt worth it to argue with them

When people used to tell me "Twitter is a shithole and you should spend way less time on it" I kinda assumed all of internet was like that so I might as well stay there for the memes and art. Now I see what people were talking about.

My only critique so far is God the Tumblr mobile app SUCKS ASS. Please fix it

#anger management #anger issues #twitter #mental health #does acab include undyne from undertale #tumblr mobile sucks oh my god

[chronicowboy]

1, 18, 22, 39 for the writers ask thingy!! <3

What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? i used to be a calibri truther (in that i could never be bothered to change it) and a tnr hater but now i could make out with times new roman for the rest of my life Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. The heroes have died. Because the heroes always die. The heroes die a thousand times over. Killed by villainy, killed by misfortune masquerading as fate, killed by love, killed by their own damn selves. And they're killed a thousand different times. Their minds go first, melting slowly into a choppy sea of guilt and fear and loss, so much fucking loss, then their hearts harden into husks, turning into crumbling stone and falling through the chasms of their chests for hours until it hits rock bottom and tumbles into oblivion where it just keeps falling, then the souls crack and shatter and skid across the earth with a screech of something once good and now gone, and the body's the last to go, the one thing keeping them walking through that burning inferno of life, the hurricane of hurt and happiness and saving and scorning and losing and losing and losing, the body goes last, the bones breaking one by one in a cacophony of silent agony, screams muffled by choked desires for death, so close, so close, too far, and the blood pours out in streams, scarlet has never looked prettier than when it's painting a sidewalk or the wound of a sacrificial lamb raised for slaughter, a stroke of deep red exactly where it's supposed to be on the canvas, and the pain means nothing, the pain means nothing but an end, because the pain is just a prelude to their peace, their final, well-deserved peace. this is the first paragraph of the epilogue to the first ever story i finished and idk i just love it. because the epilogue is a pretty happy ending but the story's really dark and the characters have been through so much so i wanted this final bit of happiness offset by the obvious pain of the character narrating it. at first it was a lot shorter and consisted of only the main points but i just wanted her anger and frustration to tumble through so i dragged the sentences out to ridiculous lengths and filled them with all the bad i could and idk i just love that this is the beginning of a happy ending. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud? i have literally never not once been organised about my writing my whole entire life <3 no but um every now and then when im trying to procratinate writing i'll give my onenotes a little organise and that's like my main one for writing actual chunks of floaty prose i have no idea what they're for, google keep is for tiny little ideas and sometimes ill scribble bullshit down on scraps of paper in the middle of the night when i dont want to turn my screens on and then i'll either 1) not be able to find it in the morning or 2) not be able to read my own handwriting What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? oof god idek bc i am fighting for my life against the worst writers block ive ever had atm, normally my block consists of zero ideas but ive got so many my brain just will not put out words anymore. but i guess just the fact that even when its frustrating i know that my writing is like the biggest part of me and what i would define myself by because its just always been there and its what i want to do, although i dont know if I've ever actually wanted to give up. its more me being angry that i cant do it today so just counting down the seconds until i can again.

#sami answers #thank you so much for asking #the passage one was so fun to do but it took me so long to choose lol

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

I decided to do a notes app with all my commentary so lots of texts incoming and because of that signing here. -Rotten Anon

He had gone from a gangly, boyish man to a full blown man.

Cue me scrolling up to remember and really absorb the difference. Also the four years makes me think of Seb and how he’s changed and grown. Kids grow up fast sometimes.

This chased out that tiny splash of lust and brought on a whole new wave of confusing emotions. 

Oh here we go.

“JJ!” You cried out her name happily, your entire demeanor changing when you saw her.

I don’t know her that well but she’s in top 5 for me in terms of favorite characters from CM.

Spencer felt a pang of jealousy that he wasn’t being greeted with as much affection.

I don’t know what happened but Spencer, I don’t know what you expected.

“You know that you didn’t have to make up some excuse just to come and see me, right?” 

Oh, this is going to be so bad. Here we go with the (soulmates) trying to avoid the inevitable!

His expression went from tight-knit anger and annoyance to ‘shit-your-pants’ worry. The danger went from being theoretical to being very real in that moment. 

Ohhhhh. Oh Spencer.

Naturally, he remembered your favorite flowers. 

Naturally. With that eidetic memory of his. Those are nice flowers though.

JJ hated the look in Spencer’s eyes. That deep, bitter fear.

Spencer. JJ. Oh.

but she did truly think this highly of Penelope’s skills. 

We love Penelope in this household.

But she definitely couldn’t understand your rage toward Spencer. 

No idea what happened but it’s whatever! Staying mad.

“You knew what kind of person I was back then. I wasn’t good to her. I wasn’t good to anybody.” 

Oh fuck. I probably need to go re-read that wiki.

He wanted to be that person for you. He wanted to be your Superman. (But he feared that he couldn’t live up to that. That he would fail you when the time came.) 

Oh Spencer, baby.

“You know… Henry wants a puppy.” JJ’s voice shook, her throat clenching up around these words. 

I would hug her if I could.

“How I lost you,”

I love them.

“I never told her what happened to me. What happened with Hankel.” 

Communication is key. It’s fine to not talk about if you aren’t ready, but fuck, Spencer, you have to say something at least.

“I didn’t want things to change between us. Even though they did anyway.” 

That’s the way it usually goes, isn’t it?

“Do you still wanna be with her?” JJ asked. 

Fantastic question JJ.

“I fell in love with Will because he looked at me like I was Superwoman, but I stayed in love because he takes care of me when I’m powerless.”

I also love them.

“I know Y/N pretty well.” He replied. “At least I hope I still do.”

Ugh. Fucking. That’s real as shit.

Spencer’s chest jumped at the way she said ‘your son’ - so casually. 

That is your kid.

He could really have a child in his life. This could really be his future. If he played his cards right, this could be his future with you. 

Presented without comment, just an aching feeling, akin to longing, grief and fear.

he could whisper epic romantic ballads in your ear before kissing you with such intense passion that it left your head spinning.

And what a dream that is.

speaking lowly to you as though his words were precious and only meant to be yours. 

God, I love him.

Subby Spencer is so good. He’s trying (and at the moment succeeding) to be Romantic Spencer though. But I do just want to make him melt.

He yanked up the blinds in front of the space where he had set up a very expensive, advanced, gorgeous telescope - one that had been there the last few times you had visited.

Oh baby, what are you doing, you romantic nerd?

You loved that Spencer was someone so gifted who loved to share his knowledge, rather than gatekeeping it or being snide toward others who weren’t as privileged as him.

He’s autistic like that.

When he noticed your shoe half-hanging off your foot, he stepped over to you and softly grabbed your ankle, sliding your shoe off the entire way before gently rubbing the sole of your foot. “Let me help you with that, Princess.” He said quietly, before moving to take the shoe off your other foot. 

I love him. I’ve already said it several times but god this one made me soft.

“I got you a star.” He said proudly, grinning even wider now. 

I just realized how much I would personally love that and I would probably have to marry that person on the spot, or at least kiss them senseless. Thank you for that.

He had literally changed the night sky for you. 

My exact, verbal reaction was an “Oh my god.” and a gasp, precisely like the next fic sentence.

“No, it’s not.” He said firmly, reaching out and putting a hand on your jaw, tilting your face up from looking at the certificate to look at him. 

I don’t really know him, but this makes me so soft and I love him.

It bloomed nothing but those same feelings in return from you.

Well now I’m just thinking of how this also probably works in the opposite, negative way with anger and such.

You could put it next to your marriage certificate; eventually, put next to wedding photos when the two of you eventually got married.

Oh, honey.

Standing proudly because this was just the beginning of it.

And when is the beginning of the end?

Oh, this necklace speech. This fucking star necklace speech. Spencer Reid, I adore you.

You could easily imagine yourself feeling so proud to answer whenever random strangers or your co-workers asked where it was from. 

Knowing what’s to come, and also not knowing, really is something.

“So…” He whispered against your neck. “What else does the birthday girl want?” “I can think of a few things.”

Fuck yeah. Also that kiss against the chain was incredible. I loved it, peak romance.

Subby Spencer, which is just Spencer, I fucking adore you.

After the break-up, Spencer often looked up to the sky and thought about you. 

Oh fuck.

He spent many nights staring out his telescope, wondering if you were happy, blanketed under that inky sky. 

His apartment is probably all wrong but I can picture this so well in my head.

You thought it was a lot like your relationship with Spencer. Placing all of your hopes and dreams onto something already dead - something where the light had died out long ago.

Fucking — ugh.

Anyways, incredible as always. Love Sebastian, brilliant baby boy. I cannot wait to actually see him and his interactions with everything and everyone. I love JJ and Spencer, a special mention to Subby Spencer. This chapter made me a little soft at parts. A little. Is it cause I don’t really know this character so I can only feel so much for this? Or is it because I know this ends horribly at some point and stays that way for 4+ years? Maybe both? And will I come off of anon just to be able to reblog and put a damn read more on my comments? Also a maybe.

You have to know that I was screaming and wiggling in my bed like a worm and smiling SO HARD while reading this for the first time omg.

Even simple comments on fics make me so happy, but these kind of comments make me feel like - superpowered. Like this gives me the energy to go off and write like 10 more fics!!

okay okay

Yeah, Spencer starts out looking very boyish, and he looks even more manly in the later seasons, and I considered setting this in the even later seasons, but I didn't want the time difference to be so vast that their kid would be like 10 years old and Spencer had gone for most of the kid's life without knowing that the kid existed. I thought that four years was the perfect amount of time, because the kid has grown up a bit and can absorb meeting his father for the first time (and he's just starting to ask 'where is my dad? do I have a dad?') but Spencer can still play a role in his childhood and his development

I am glad that you like JJ! A lot of people in the fandom don't like her (because people think that if you like Spencer, you have to hate JJ because they have disagreements, and it's like - you can like both characters and appreciate and understand both sides of those arguments). But anyway - I love JJ. She is one of my all time favs.

"Spencer, I don't know what you expected" - He expected a fucking hug. Because he thought that the reader missed him just as much as he missed her, which might be true on a deeper level, but she's pissed and defensive. So - no hugs!!!

Okay but imagine how haunting it is for him that he remembers everything about her in detail - her favourite flowers, her favourite movie, her favourite foods, her favourite songs - and whenever he interacts with those things, even by coincidence, he is reminded of her long after she left him.

WE LOVE PENELOPE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!!!

"No idea what happened but it's whatever!" - When you find out what happened, it's gonna be one of those things where you view the entire story with a different lens and you're gonna go oh.

Okay, okay, in terms of 'what kind of person' Spencer was back then, I was largely thinking of this clip of Spencer and Emily. This is very important for the context. Like, this is most of Reid's characterization after the Hankel incident (when he was on drugs) - which is one of the major precipitating factors for the breakup. (He made not-so-subtle cries for help, and then when people tried to get close in order to help him, he snapped at them and made personal attacks toward them. And that is a huge inspiration for this fic.)

"I would hug her if I could." I WOULD TOOOOO

"I love them." We need more JJ/Spencer friendship appreciation in 2024

"Communication is key. It’s fine to not talk about if you aren’t ready, but fuck, Spencer, you have to say something at least." -> again, his characterization back then was being closed off and defensive as hell and it took him a long time to work through that !!!!

"Presented without comment, just an aching feeling, akin to longing, grief and fear." Rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain knowing that I accomplished this lmao

"He doesn't gatekeep his knowledge -> He's autistic like that." LITERALLY I SNORTED READING THIS. Because it's TRUUUUUUE. He is just so autistic that he can't contain his knowledge and can't keep it to himself

"My exact, verbal reaction was an “Oh my god.” and a gasp, precisely like the next fic sentence." -> AGAIN, rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain knowing what I have accomplished. Spencer just makes you go omg. it's an instinct

"Well now I’m just thinking of how this also probably works in the opposite, negative way with anger and such." okay but this is SO TRUE. because they have the soulmate connection, the anger brews between them, and so does sadness and pain. (They feel each other's pain so hard.)

"And when is the beginning of the end?" This GOT TO ME. Because I know when the exact moment is in the fic and it's PAINFUL

"Subby Spencer, which is just Spencer, I fucking adore you." - which is just me all the time lmao

I am so glad you liked it!!! and don't feel like you have to come off anon, I am just so happy that you love my fics enough to read something from a fandom that you're not even in lmao

#long post #rotten anon #anonymous #sundrop answers #fic comments #the dad spencer fic

[bexiaoli]

🎶

"medicate, meditate, swear your soul to jesus / throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason" call your mom - noah kahan ft. lizzy alpine

tw: mentions of physical abuse

he hadn't left his bed in a week, seven days straight of staring blankly at the photo on the wall across from where the frame sat in his room.

seven days ago, he had been fine. jindallae was over, they were laughing, joking. he didn't mean to push xiaoli, didn't know that his reaction to even the mere suggestion of revisiting creating music would be so strong and immediate. it was difficult to recall the exact events that occurred but xiaoli remembered the way the anger had built up so quickly, how he was fine one second and on the floor sobbing the next. there was no comforting him in the moment as he screamed for his friend, one of his closest friends, to get out, to go far away from him.

it wasn't the first time he'd reacted like this. the last year had been littered with these breakdowns, though they didn't last this long. usually it was a few hours of anger and crying, the flashbacks would generally be what started them, triggered by...honestly xiaoli didn't always know. but once they started, they'd wax and wane, rapidly cycle through so many moments. one moment he was a small child and he could hear his father screaming, the swing of his fist winding before he was older, and in an office of a ceo with a hand around his throat. how long they would last was hard to say because the next thing xiaoli always remembered was a sensation of waking up. the blackouts sometimes were the most jarring. everything felt so blurry sometimes, and other times he didn't feel like his body was his own. the figure pulling itself off the floor was indeed him, looked exactly like him, but something felt so off as he seemed to be watching a dream of himself.

those were always only a few hours, but seven days later here he was.

there were brief moments of clarity. he swore he tried to take a shower the day. how long it last he wasn't sure, but there was a blurry memory of dropping one of the bottles and coming back to a semblance of reality when the water was freezing cold.

"what is wrong with me?" it'd been the main thought that plagued him when xiaoli felt somewhat in control again. what the fuck was wrong with him and why couldn't he fix it. sleep couldn't even get him away from it all. god, he hadn't slept much either in seven days. his body felt exhausted. it wasn't like he slept much anyway, but he didn't like he'd slept much at all lately. it was his fault those things had happened, right? this whole thing was his fault.

for the first time in what felt like forever, xiaoli didn't feel like he was being pulled back under. the constant feeling of being out a sea drowning with heavy waves and no one to help him before he was underwater again. he was more aware of his breathing than usual, and the pounding in his head, the dryness in his mouth and throat. it was bright out, and he could read the clock that told him it was before noon still.

he needed a reason to pull it together.

it took a few minutes but xiaoli forced his limbs to move from the bed, tried to focus on the feeling of the plush rug under his feet and the fact that everything felt more in tact than it had. water....yeah, water was a good start. slowly he trudged himself from his cave to the kitchen, finding a glass and filling it to the brim before gulping the contents down. after the glass was set aside, his eyes landed on his phone. he was shocked it had battery still. it'd been a while, at least he thought it had been, since he was on.

one glance at the screen showed a lot of things. there were lots of random notifications from instagram or apps promoting a deal, and he ignored those. his eyes landed on the texts, the missed calls from a lot of people. his boss was too nice. xiaoli had never called off work and the old man seemed shocked when he did for multiple days. tomorrow...he swore he was scheduled tomorrow. maybe it was time to drag himself back in. the voicemail from the man was kind. even if he didn't make it in tomorrow, somehow he'd still have a job.

there was many notifications from friends. some were random questions that never got answered, and those he talked to more frequently seemed to grow worried as he failed to respond, let alone read them. admittedly, xiaoli did stare at one of the threads of messages, attempting to motivate himself to respond, let someone know he was alive. it was jindallae's. most of the messages had seemed to come from him. he was worried and angry. something in his brain seemed to work enough to think about how jindallae had seem him in that state. xiaoli had thought about his friend a lot when he was coherent.

this seemed like a good first reason to try again to function. his friend was worried. xiaoli's fingers were slow to type out a message. it was simple. i'm alive. he'd have to offer more soon, but for now, it was something.

#☄. *. ⋆ ask #☄. *. ⋆ meme #☄. *. ⋆ joomi #☄. *. ⋆ jindallae #be:meme #thank you for sending! #mentions of jindallae! #i don't know how xiaoli and hyunki ended up with 2/3 of the same artists? #wc: 901

[roguevexvoid]

You don't think a human born to a god who later ascended to godhood himself due to his actions would have been familiar to pagans during that time? Or a god that was once human that as human had faults and anger issues? Or a god that was once human that stood between a superior god and humanity on the side of humanity? Those were all important parts to Christianity from the beginning

Again, superficial similarities. Lots of things have superficial similarities. Most conversions in Europe happened as a result of it being enforced as a state sanctioned religion while uniting/consolidating territories.

The Church did in some ways attempt to make conversion easier by applying Christian meaning to pagan holidays (most well known example being Samhain and All Souls day, which would eventually merge into Halloween proper) so that the common folk largely were still able to have similarly timed/themed holidays and incorporate long held folk traditions into them.

Sometimes Saints or Angels were superimposed onto old gods and spirits over time.

And there are common themes and throughlines in stories/mythologies/folktale/ect across the world, because humans are humans are humans (think of how many different "Cinderella" or "Beauty and the Beast" type stories exist across time and culture. )

The other known way Christianity liked to convert people was, ya know, violently.

Also, let's not pretend like Paganism is some kind of monolith, Pagan is such a fucking general term and how different practices were structured, what was believed about God's and spirits and overall how things worked and were viewed were not consistent across a single country much less the whole of Europe or beyond.

Hellenism is not Kemeticism is not Celtic is not Norse.

Also, just because the Christian God can be recognized as showing signs of imperfection to *us* does NOT mean that that is how it is supposed to be viewed in scripture.

The Christian God is faultless. Jesus, while human, is still innately divine and stated to have no sin. God's anger, jealously, pettiness is portrayed as *correct* and *justified* and *righetous* he knows all, sees all, is present in everyone and everything and everything is part of God's Plan. When we see Jesus angry, it's not portrayed as "anger issues" it is depicted as completely warranted and divinely backed up.

If you've ever read literally any other mythology that is not how the majority of pagan God's are portrayed. And a lot of modern ways of thinking or viewing pagan God's that you might view as similar are because surviving written records were written by Christians *centuries* after conversion (see, The Eddas)

We're there absolutly no similarities at all that might make new converts feel more comfortable? Of course not, and again the church often went out of its way to have similarish holidays at similar times of year. But it's not nearly like you're trying to portray it.

Also, Jesus was not between humanity and a superior God. Jesus was God. Jesus, God and the holy spirit are all different facets of the same being. That's the whole trinity thing, they are the same being, but seperate, but the same.

Also Jesus was born to a (supposedly) virgin who was (supposedly) told by an angel that she would bare the child of God.

God did not have that baby.

You're really, skipping over a lot of the historical contex and cultural nuance here anon

#Christianity #paganism #pagan #religious discourse #religious discussion #i accidently hit the poll button and it wont let me delete #and the app if being glitchy as shit so #ignore that