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toilet-bound-messenger · 4 years

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TBHK theory: is Tsukasa really the "abuser"? + the meaning of the ropes

So I know that it is a common belief in the fandom that Hanako was abused by someone close to him since he did say that "he forgives it". And since he forgives it, it's obvious that it must be someone important to him, right? And that someone is most likely Tsukasa... or is it?

The reason why we think that is because of Hanako's reactions to when he runs into Tsukasa. So I guess a lot of us just assumed that he reacted that way because he's scared of Tsukasa. But I think that rather being scared of Tsukasa, he's scared of himself. Remember when he jumped on Yashiro after Tsukasa first showed up? I can't find the post anymore but I do remember someone saying that reenacting a past traumatic experience is a common way to "deal" with it. Thus he jumped on Yashiro to emulate that because seeing Tsukasa made him remember when he killed him. Which is why he's always so uncomfortable around Tsukasa: because it makes him think of a traumatic event. Not necessarily because Tsukasa was the "abuser".

We also have this image:

Which makes us think that Tsukasa might be the abuser because Hanako is bound by ropes while a shadow that looks like Hanako is saying something in his ear. A common idea here, is that the shadow is Tsukasa, however I'm not sure about that. If it really is Tsukasa, then why does he not have the patch on his right cheek? It might just be me, but besides the clothes, I think that the obvious way to tell Hanako and Tsukasa apart is the patches they have on their cheeks. Hanako's is on his left cheek and Tsukasa's is on the right. But as we can see the shadow doesn't have Tsukasa's patch. If the shadow does have a patch then it's on the side that we can't see: the left side, the same as Hanako's.

Thus, I think that this shadow might, or might not be a metaphoric representation of Hanako himself, fucking himself over and tying himself town out of guilt because he killed his brother. Hanako is blaming himself. After all, we can also see the knife being bound as a way to remind himself of what he did.

Oh, and let's talk about the ropes.

Another belief is that maybe Hanako was abused with ropes, that Tsukasa may have been into... bondage?? And he did that to his twin brother?? This doesn't sound right, doesn't it?

Tsuchigomori says: "you're always covered in cuts and bruises" but there's no mention of ropes. I mean, I'm only assuming here, but if the abuser really did use ropes then wouldn't they be easy to see? Tsuchigomori also says that it happens every single day so all the bruises he has on his body must always be fresh/recent, right? I would guess that rope bruises are really easy to identify whether you're a nurse or a normal person.

But then... What the hell do the ropes mean?! Well I have an easy answer to give: those ropes are a recurring theme in TBHK.

Almost all of the covers of the volumes have ropes on them and even side art from Aida.

Look at this:

So there could be 2 different explanations for this:

1) Aida likes drawing ropes

2) Ropes are a metaphor for something

I think it's obviously answer n°2.

Maybe what I'm going to say sounds super obvious, but I feel like ropes are a way to show us that all of those characters are "bound" together. Their stories and lives are all tied together since they're all important characters in the story and they're the ones to move the plot forward.

We can see it especially here:

The rope is tied to Hanako's pinky finger, and most times, in Japanese culture they call that the "red string of fate". Basically, you're tied to someone else. Which is most times your soulmate. That whole rope thing means that all of those characters' fates are tied to eachother.

But now the last point: if I don't think that the abuser is Tsukasa and that the rope doesn't mean that Hanako was abused with ropes then what the hell does this all mean? Who's the abuser?

Well to be honest... I don't know.

I think the obvious answer here would be their parents. I mean, we know nothing about them. Where are they?? Could Hanako and Tsukasa be orphans?

Maybe they were abused in the orphanage, after all, it's common knowledge that Japanese orphanages are shit. (Or at least they were shittier back then, maybe now it's better but I'm not a specialist in the subject.)

Also, isn't it weird how we always saw past Hanako but never past Tsukasa? Why? Why haven't we seen him yet? Maybe because Tsukasa was abused even more than Hanako.

Let me explain: we got this whole explanation

This is in chapter 46 when Amane was talking about Scorpius and Antares, and how they're actually twin stars but that one of the 2 is brighter than the other so you can only see one of them. (Sorry for the quality of the image, I can't find better.)

This is obviously a metaphor for Amane and Tsukasa. So what does it all mean?

Well, long story short: I think that Tsukasa wasn't allowed to go to school while Amane was.

If my orphanage theory is correct, then I would guess that the orphanage had funding issues (I mean, it's a problem even to this day and not only in Japan. Orphanages being short on money because the governement doesn't care enough to help abandoned kids is ocurrent.)

So I don't find that hard to believe that the orphanage might've been like "Fuck it! Let' send the older twin brother to school and the younger one can stay here. We can't afford to send all of our children to school after all." I mean it's weird, right? That in the flashback Tsuchigomori didn't even mention Tsukasa. If Tsukasa was really going to school and was the abuser then wouldn't Tsuchigomori be like "oh, it's weird how your twin brother doesn't have any bruises while you do. Is he the one to do this?"

But no. There is absolutely no mention of Tsukasa whatsoever. Which is really, really weird. I had twins in my classroom throughout elementary school and middle school and they were always put in the same classroom. So if Tsukasa really did go to school I would guess that they would not only be in the same classroom, but also Tsuchigomori would bring him up.

Thus while Amane was in school, Tsukasa was the one being abused, and that's why he's so fucked in the head. Because Tsukasa was actually the one getting most of the beatings, the cuts and the bruises.

Of course, school in Japan lasts longer than in the west with the clubs and all. But I would guess that Amane didn't join a club because he wanted to get back as quickly as possible to help his brother. That's why Amane didn't have any friends. Because he would always rush to the orphanage after school.

I think, Amane being the caring big brother he is, he would take the abuse instead of Tsukasa when he was "home" to protect him as much as he could, but since he was at school most of the time, Tsukasa was the one taking most of the beatings.

And since Amane was going to school, I would guess that they went "easier" on him so the teachers wouldn't call the cops on them. That's also why Amane decided "not to go anywhere anymore."

Because whenever he's away from his brother, Tsukasa gets hurt. Amane decided to throw his dream away to protect Tsukasa from the abusers.

And so, that is also why I think that Tsukasa has a mental illness. That's why he's so much more emotionally unstable than Amane. Hanako has obviously problems too, but Tsukasa is the one who got the short end of the stick.

I would guess, Tsukasa may be a sociopath at this point. A current belief, is that sociopaths like to hurt animals/kill them to feel something. When someone is abused, what the brain does is to "repress" emotions to feel less pain. That's how different mental illnesses get born.

For example, "dissociating" to feel like you're not you, to believe that it's someone else who's suffering right now your brain tries to make you believe that you're "out" of your body.

Dissociative personality disorder makes you develop multiple personalities inside yourself so you can switch between them and feel like you're safe while another personality is taking the abuse for you.

And then, of course, sociopathy, your brain "turns off" your emotions for you to stay "sane" but funnily enough, in the long run it makes you insane since you can't feel emotions in normal situations anymore.

A lot of mental illnesses come from traumatic experiences, they're defensive mechanisms after all. Mental illnesses are your brain trying to protect you from excessive pain...

This got dark real quick, sorry.

Anyway, this whole theory started with a thought I had: "Why would a sibling, not to mention a TWIN, abuse his brother?"

The conclusion I came to is: they wouldn't.

I'm not saying that it's definitely impossible at a 100% but I always found that weird how everyone thinks that a twin sibling would abuse his other sibling. Especially since twins are so close.

And to end it all...

I think that what went down with the Yugi siblings is that, one day they decided to end it all. They couldn't take the suffering anymore so they decided to kill themselves.

But right at the end, Tsukasa's emotions finally kicked in and he got scared at the last moment. And so, he begged Amane to finish the job. Amane then got traumatized from killing his brother and he ran to the girls' bathroom and hung himself out of guilt. Or maybe he also stabbed himself like Tsukasa? Who knows.

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #theory #yugi tsukasa #yugi amane #hanako

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ahsxual · 4 years

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Perfect Day

Pairing: Arthur Fleck x Reader

Summary: You and Arthur are excited for your first date, since it's an essencial key for your relationship.

Genre: Fluff

Warning: sexual harassment (literally one sentence, nothing too serious)

Word count: 2,7k

A/N: I don't know how to feel about this one... I wanted it to be romantic and cute, yet I feel this isn't enough to express my feelings for him... anyways, I really hope your opinion is different! :)

Gif Credits: @arthurflecc <33

Today is the day I will finally find true happiness, Arthur thought. Last day, you invited him to have dinner at your place, since none of you could afford an actual date, and that way you could spend some time alone. You work with him as female clown for a couple weeks now and that's where you met him: he, besides Gary, was the only one who's truly kind and respectful, not some jerk like Randall who would always make some unwanted comments on how pretty you are. With that, Arthur got the courage to defend you, a gesture you noticed and really appreciated. That's when you decided to invite him as a thank you gift for what he has done (and maybe because you thought he was really cute and a real gentleman).

To Arthur, that morning seemed brighter than any other he had lived: he could swear that the birds were singing to him, like it was a sign from nature and destiny telling everything was going to finally be ok... as long as he was by your side. This time, the sky wasn't covered by depressive and heavy gray clouds like every other day: instead, it was replaced by the sweet scalding yellow sun and the gorgeous shade of baby-blue. Even the stairs weren't painful to walk anymore and the runs to the bus weren't as stressed and tiring as they used to be. He came down the stairs bouncing with joy, like he was a kid who just got his favorite ice-cream flavor for free. People even looked at him awkwardly, but he couldn't care less. Nothing could ruin this day to him.

Once he entered Haha's, his heart started to beat way too fast once he realized he would see you in a matter of seconds. He couldn't wait any longer, so he quickly ran to the room of clowns, hoping for you to be the first thing he would lay his eyes on once he got there.

"Hi, Arthur!" you happily said as soon as you saw him, realizing that he had been standing there for a while, staring sweetly at you. However you didn't mind: you knew his intentions were utterly good.

"H-hi Y/n! You... you are very... b-beautiful today." he finally got the courage to praise you, to speak his mind out loud, even if he stuttered meanwhile. He was with his red waistcoat and pants, and a white social shirt, an outfit that suits him just perfectly.

"Oh, thank you, you look really good too! And I'm glad you liked it, I want to look good for our tonight's date." you teased him, just to see his cheeks turn redder than they already were. You were with your date's outfit on, because you were planning to go home right after you left Haha's. You wanted to surprise him, however he arrived sooner than you expected, so you didn't have the time to change into your clown's work outfit.

"A date??" he seemed surprised for you considering your meeting an actually date.

"Yeah, sure. Don't you want to call it that way?"

"Yes!! I mean, i-if you want to..." he correct himself, after realizing he sounded too excited than he should.

"Ok, great! Can't wait for tonight." you said gladly, earning a sweet tooth wide smile from him.

"Me too Y/n, me too..." after sharing an intense and intimate exchange of glances, you decided to break the reconforting silence between you. That silence told and shared way more emotions than any possible spoken word, but you couldn't risk any other coworker complain about you two to Hoyt.

"Well, I'm going to get ready now. Talk to you later, ok?"

"Uh... sure." he understood, giving you once again a thin, shy smile.

You both did your work for the rest of the day, not wanting your secret love to interfere and prejudice your professional life. Both of you knew how demanding your boss could be, so you better not test his limits.

The day was finally near to its end, so you went to your locker to collect your belongings and then change into your clothes, before joining Arthur who was already waiting for you outside.

"Are you ready?" you asked once you got near him.

"Absolutely." he calmly, yet enthusiastic answered. You wanted to overcome your shyness, so you slowly interlocked your arms with his. You could tell that he was a little hesitant by the sudden affectionate gesture and seemed to paralyzed, looking intensely at the spot where your arms found each other.

"Arthur? Are you ok?" you were scared that you crossed the line without meaning it.

"Y-yeah! I'm sorry, I'm just... not used to being touched..." he got upset, remembering how miserable and lonely his life was... but not anymore. That's the past, and now you are more then willing to change radically his and your future as well, putting all that suffering and intense pain far far away behind him.

"It's ok Art, you are safe with me, I promise you that. But if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, please let me know." before your lovely night started, you needed to make sure that he would be comfortable: you wouldn't forgive yourself if anything bad happened to the man who supported you and made you feel like the only beautiful woman alive, and you being the responsible for it.

"Thank you, Y/n. That's really nice of you... I really appreciate that." he made that sweet stare towards you, one that makes you melt right away every time.

"Come on Art, my stomach is already complaining." he happily laughed, and you acknowledged his smile.

When you arrived home, it was impossible for you not to notice: he was quiet, yet so observant with everything: sometimes he would even touch so softly your belongings, and you would just smile, feeling nothing but comfort and acceptance. How can anyone consider me as someone so essential and special in their lives?, you deeply thought. But that's just how Arthur was: he always manages to feel like it's only you and him against the world, the rest being irrelevant.

"What do you want to eat? I can make your favorite plate... or at least I can try." you softly laughed, feeling a little nervous by your kitchen skills. You really wanted to impress Arthur... especially on your first of many dates. He then looked at you with wide eyes, swallowing his dry throat from growing anxiety. "What's the matter? Did I do anything wrong?" you started to get even more nervous than you already were, now being you having your mouth and throat dry.

"No, no, you didn't do anything wrong! I-I just..." he paused for a moment, not being able to look at you since he felt very ashamed. "I'm not hungry... I'm sorry..." he said slowly with a low voice, derived from his embarrassment.

"Oh..." you felt a little sad if you were honest: you bought a bunch of food so he could choose freely what he wanted to eat and make this day special by making him a surprise... but you couldn't blame him: you knew about the secondary effects from the meds he takes, the lack of hunger being one of them. "It's fine, don't worry about it." you tried to relax him, which you did since he offered you a kind smile right after, just like his big, yet fragile heart. You tried to think of something else: you couldn't miss this opportunity to be with him, both of you being so busy with your lives that the time you spend together is absolutely rare and precious, being as valuable as gold, or diamonds, or even more. "I got an idea!" a cliche, yet romantic idea came to your mind. "What about... seeing a movie? Or a tv show that you really like? While eating popcorn, obviously." you winked at him.

"Sounds like fun." he smiled. "But... I-I never... ate popcorn. Never had the chance to try it..." he shyly said. You felt bad for him... in our childhood, it's the most delicious thing to eat, a sweet that brings us joy, happiness and even peace, for some. But now, him being in his middle 30's, how has he never eaten or at least tried it?

"Then seems like you're going to have this delicious experience with me instead!" you gently laughed, trying to make him more comfortable. This time he gave you a toothy grin, staring at you like he was in heaven and you were the only pure angel in it. You blushed at his staring, so you decided to look away and do the popcorns instead. "Make yourself at home! You can sit on the sofa if you want." you offered while pointing to the most comfortable furniture you had. He instantly obeyed you, sitting on it awkwardly since he was afraid of doing something wrong that could annoy you. Yup, that was definitely the last thing he wanted to do... mainly on this special day.

Once you finish the popcorn, you sat right next to him, being way closer than he expected. Not that he minded, no no, not at all, but he couldn't help but to shake unstoppably by the complex emotions he was feeling from the warm and soft human contact... from the most perfect human being in his eyes.

"Before we watch it, I want you to prove this delight first. But you have to close your eyes! It will taste better, I promise." you grabbed one popcorn kernel and signaled him to open his mouth. He instantly felt tenser and his frail heart started to beat furiously because of your gesture. If someone had told him when he first saw you, that he would come to your house and spend these moments with you, he would've laughed by the immense unlikelyhood. But here he is: in your house, with you. He shakingly opened his mouth, slowly closing his big ocean eyes right after. When he tasted it, it was like he was 7 again, living his lost happy childhood: it was sweet, crunchy and tasted like happiness, this feeling amplified with you by his side. "How is it?" you curiously asked while smiling by his reaction.

"This is so... wow." that's all he could say.

"You want more? This bowl can be just for you, I will do more for myself." the moment you got up, you felt your arm being gently, yet firmly grabbed.

"Wait!" he suddenly said, removing his hand from your arm right after, not wanting to scare you away. "I-I'd rather share them with you... i-if that's ok..." His shyness was something you could never be tired of: it's one of the words that describe him the best, making him look immensely cute to your eyes. You felt genuinely happy because he was making a move on you: as little or even insignificant that gesture was to everyone else, it meant the world to you.

"Sure, sharing is always better, right?" you shared a glare that spoke the untold love for each other, yet not unknown. "So... what do you want to see?" you finally asked.

"I don't know... maybe-" suddenly he noticed the tv, that was already on, presented the Murray Franklin show, catching immediately his attention. "Murray!!" once he saw it, it was like his shyness was never there: the carefree and excited Arthur who you never had the chance to meet, was now shown. You even felt jealous for a moment, seeing all his attention was now in the show.

"Oh, you like Murray? I watch him from time to time, the show is really funny." he turned his attention to you again, seeming surprised by your answer.

"You do...?" his grin shined even more once he discovered you had more things in common, one of them being something he admires and even considers as a dream, the main goal in his professional life.

"Of course! Who doesn't like to laugh and relax after a tiring day of work? Laughing is the best medicine for happiness." his smile broke, slowly decreasing into nothing. "I mean, when you really want to laugh, not when you have to." you remembered his condition, so you corrected yourself.

"I heard that my whole life, so I guess you're right..." he seemed mindful, looking and playing with his own worn hands. You gently grabbed his hand into yours.

"Don't worry Arthur, I'll make sure you really laugh, not just because you can't control it or because you forcely have to. I promise you... I will do my best to make you happy everyday." these moments and words were unforgettable to him. He couldn't see his life without you anymore: the only way he could be truly happy is by your side, the only way he could survive... is only by your side.

"Thank you, Y/n. I... I-I really enjoy these moments I spend with you. They're the only thing that make me feel happy and alive. You make me feel like... like I'm real and seen... and you have no idea how much that is important to me." you felt so proud of him for being able to speak from his mind and heart without hesitance, and utterly special for being the only one who entirely owned his trust.

"You don't need to thank me, Art. It's my pleasure to be with you, a man who's so kind and respectful like you. If others can't see it, it's not your fault. Like I use to say, it's their loss for not seeing someone so good in front of them. But I can see it... and we all only need the ones who really care about us in our lives, the rest is just the rest. They don't matter." now was your turn to speak the honest truth. He didn't have to say anything for you to understand how right and perfect he thought you were: it was like destiny was telling him to not let you escape... because you are his soulmate, his one and only person who came to this world with the purpose of filling him, to fill his heart with pure love, compassion and comprehension. "Oh, the show has already started!" both of you were so distracted or, should I say, so concentrated on each other, that you didn't even notice what was happening around you: the world always stops when you are together.

Once you decided to see the show, you shared the made popcorn and some laughs, Arthur always making sure you would laugh when he would. Every time Murray made a joke, Arthur looked at you, concentrated on your expressions while admiring your beauty. It was an incredible spent night: you laughed, ate popcorn together, supported each other... with time, you even hugged him softly, only for him to gladly return it, yet shyly, as predicted. If you two were honest, you would admit that you wanted so badly to share a sweet, passionate and meaningful first kiss... but that has to be preserved for your future dates, since the respect you have for one another it's incomparable to any other: you want things to happen naturally, without hurry, because what begins fast... ends quickly as well, and that's the last thing you want to happen, for sure.

This was the last piece of the puzzle that was needed to finally go forward your relationship: you belong to each other, like your hearts are attached and only function correctly when you are together, like the universe had and still has wonderful plans for you... and both of you are so glad to finally be able to be by your soulmate's side... forever.

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jamkookies · 4 years

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Okay

Description : A trip to Malta for the shooting of Bon Voyage seems peaceful enough until the moment things take an unexpected turn...

Word count : 3.3k

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"Please, sir! I'm begging you! Open up, please!"

It was surprising how the both of you hadn't even moved an inch despite the cries that had begun to turn downright hopeless but as Jungkook's arm shields your body defensively, you decide that you just can't take it anymore.

"Jungkook, we should take a look." you say hesitantly, turning your head in his direction.

"No way. It's a trap." he claims. "I'm sure of it."

Your eyes keep boring holes into the door as if your vision could penetrate it.

It's quiet for a while.

Maybe he left.

Maybe he-

A thunderous boom to the door.

"We have to at least take a look, dammit!" you exclaim and push his arm away, now decisively heading towards it.

"Wait!" Jungkook yells after you but instead of stopping you, he joins your side. Before you can make any further attempts, he mushes his face onto the platform and looks into the tiny peephole. Curiosity can hardly keep you still.

At last, Jungkook retreats and motions for you to take a look as well but you don't know whether to expect a garnison of soldiers or a horde of wild bisons behind the door because the expression on his face is unreadable.

The cold surface of the platform touching your forehead only makes you grow even more uncomfortable. Then, your eyes are able to discern an obscure figure behind the magnifying glass. "You've got to be kidding me, " you whisper as your eyes naturally widen.

This could not be.

Him, out of all people....

Both you and Jungkook exchange a look of silent agreement and he pushes the open button with no words needed. The door swings open to reveal a slightly dishevelled-looking man with multiple cuts and bruises marking his face. Those eyes you'd seen gleaming with vigilance are now tired, drowsy yet still scarred with horrors you could only imagine. You'd never forget those eyes because they had been the ones that had given you a chance to escape, a chance to save yourselves.

"What are you doing here?" Jungkook wonders, not bluntly but rather in a puzzled demeanor.

"Let me in, please. I'll explain everything, " the old bodyguard says and throws a look behind his back and down the stairs.

You and Jungkook exchange another look and then the latter opens the door wider, giving him space to enter. The bodyguard's face almost melts in relief upon the gesture. He crosses the doorstep in two huge strides, putting the farthest distance from it.

From the moment the lock clicks back in place, a deafening silence hangs into the air, adding even more to the suspense.

You decide to break the ice first. "What do you mean they're gonna kill your family?"

The bodyguard takes notice of where your eyes are fixed and he unconsciously touches a bruise on his chin. "Actually, I lied about that. I had to convince you to open the door."

Your anger flares like wild fire but before the flames can grow higher he quickly compensates for his mistake. "I'm really sorry. I had to.They...they did some things to me...I'll explain everything but I don't have much time."

"Why?" you demand. "Are they following yo-"

"What are you doing here in the first place?" Jungkook interrupts.

The man appears to be going through an internal conflict as his eyes shut tight, hands clench and unclench and the line of his eyebrows angles into a wide V. His distressed condition explained so much and yet so little. His eyes that up till now had been staring at the ground, lift to level up with yours and then flick to Jungkook's. "I went through hell itself to get here unnoticed. I'll have to go soon. But before I do, there's something you should know."

* * *

As much as Jungkook refused to drop the disgruntled attitude, he still made the man sit on the couch and then proceeded to offer him a much needed glass of water. The man drank and drank and drank like he'd forgotten its taste and freshness and after his thirst was sedated, he started chirping like a bird.

"First of all, I want to apologize about trying to take you by force back in Malta, even though in reality it was not my choice."

"We'd figured that out, " you confirm. "But why did you help us escape?"

You'd been racking your brains out for a long time now, trying to come up with a logical explanation but no answer fit in the frame. You just couldn't understand why he would put himself in danger so you could run away.

It didn't make any sense.

"I couldn't just let them take you like prisoners, " he says. "I had to at least give you a chance because I myself wasn't given one."

Jungkook's brows wrinkle in confusion. "What do you mean?"

A look of something like shame casts upon the man's face and he stares at his clasped hands. "When I first got this job, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Being a bodyguard, I had taken everything into account, including the fact that I would probably have to give up my life at some point but I never thought I'd be involved in criminal affairs."

Criminal affairs? What was he talking about?

"I thought it was normal at first. I thought this was how things normally went but when you decided to go to that trip in Malta I realized that I couldn't get out of this sucking hole no matter how much I tried. And the worst thing about it is that you've had to suffer along all this time without even knowing it."

Jungkook raises a hand to stop him. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there a second. Are you talking about Sejin making Y/N leave? And the the thing at the plane? I know he went a little too far but-"

"You think that's a coincidence?" the man shoots back. "He set everything up. From the tickets to the hotel to everything. Every single piece of it was planned out."

Your teeth grind against each other with a mixed state of anger and shock putting them into action. When you throw a glance at Jungkook's traumatised form, tears start to form at the corners of your eyes. The man's statement seemed to had jarred him to the bone and rendered him speechless, incapable of forming a coherent thought.

"I apologize for that, " the man continues. "I didn't want to say it straight away because I knew it would come as a shock to you but Mr.Sejin is not who you think he is. I've had to live with this knowledge for years now."

For a moment, Jungkook's eyes clear up and he blinks a number of times till his attention is completely aimed at the man's face. "Is this a joke or something? Did he send you here to play with us?"

The man's expression remains stoic, forever expressionless but even through his mask you could make out the scars of horrendous truths.

He wasn't lying.

You both knew that but you just couldn't accept it, even though deep down you had always sensed that the origin of your ordeals had been somehow designated.

The said bodyguard points a finger at his face. "You see these bruises, sir? They gave them to me as a punishment for not being able to bring you back. Beat me up till I fainted. When I woke up they made it clear that this time the job had to be done properly. That's why I'm here. To bring you back. But I won't be doing that. I'm here to make sure that you know who you're dealing with. I don't have the authority to talk with his superiors. Trust me, I've even tried to but he's always one step ahead of me." He smiles sadly. "I've gotten countless warnings because of that."

Jungkook puts his head in his hands and agressively ruffles his hair. "How long has this been going?"

The man doesn't hesitate. "6 years. Since the moment Ms.Y/N set foot on that company. He was obsessed with the idea of a boy-group only and didn't want any other intruders. I can witness the number of times he complained to his superiors about not letting her join. He kept pestering them, kept telling them all sorts of things but PD-nim was the one who insisted on taking her. After that he was absolutely furious. You should've seen the way he flung things around in his office. It made me scared for a moment."

He releases a long-kept sigh and shakes his head dreadfully.

"This went on for as much as I can remember. He never changed, always kept making attempts into kicking her out and covered it with a fake smile. But this time he had it all planned out to the smallest detail and couldn't afford to just brush it off as usual. That's probably his biggest mistake so far. He just couldn't stand hiding in a bush anymore so he went 'go hard or go home' I guess."

All this new information was making your head spin. Your mind wasn't helping either, continuously attaching images to the words, helping build up the portrayal of the man who had detested you for so many years, piece by piece. To say that you'd been dismayed was an understatement. You just couldn't believe your ears, couldn't wrap your head around the idea.

"What exactly had he planned?" asks Jungkook with a tint of hesitation in his voice. Understandable enough, taking into consideration the fact that he was fed up with the truths he'd heard. The bodyguard takes a sip from his glass and gulps audibly. He keeps throwing nervous looks at the door, as if waiting for someone to burst in.

"If you can remember....the accident with the saesang girl...."

Not that

Anything but that

"It was not an accident, " he confirms. "Your manager planned it."

No no no no no no-

"He hired that girl knowing she was a saesang and told her what she had to do. He promised her Jungkook would be hers if she managed to get the job done. That night, when you sneaked out into the forest, it's like you offered yourselves to her in a silver platter. And that's how it went. She took care of everything; the car, the tools, even her assistant."

He shakes his head and you see a melancholic smile cast upon his lips as he looks directly at you. "Stupid girl. She hated you so much to the point where she even ignored Sejin's orders for a moment. He'd never intended to kill you. Obviously, he wasn't that stupid. But she didn't care at all. Thought about getting rid if you since she had the chance and went all-psycho. Unfortunately for her, you managed to escape and that's when Mr.Sejin got angry. Really, really angry. His face got all red and puffy and when Namjoon-ssi tried to talk to him, worried about you gone missing, he yelled in his face."

Joon.

You can almost feel the nostalgic taste of the word in your tongue. It was like smelling that familiar aroma of fresh flowers that grew in your back yard and being swept into a wave of old memories. Sick of you, to not think enough about him all this time, when all he'd ever did was worry about you.

You missed them. All of them. So much to the point where it hurt.

Were they okay?

Now that you were certain about your manager's intentions, you couldn't help feeling concerned about the rest of the boys.

Unaware of your thoughts, the man continues with his story. "And things got even worse when she shot you and you jumped into the stream. I guess she panicked. Her voice was literally shaking from the other side of the phone during the call with manager-nim. I don't know what she said exactly but it still didn't make him give up. After all, he had to prepare for the grand finale."

Jungkook's sharp intake of breath switches your attention to him. You examine his face carefully, looking for any signs of panic but nothing makes it to the surface.

At least not yet.

"-called the ambulance to make sure you wouldn't die."

The momentary distraction had made you zone out and you're only able to catch the last part of the phrase.

"Then what?" Jungkook asks softly.

It's like the man's physiognomy is put into action; eyelids blinking furiously, lips opening and closing, hands fumbling with each-other. He seems nervous to keep talking and that only puts Jungkook on edge even more.

"Then what? " the latter insists. Bolder this time.

The man chokes the words out. "Th-then you wrestled with that girl's assistant. And-"

"And I killed him." Jungkook finishes for him. You notice the way his eyes turn glassy and distant, as if they'd travelled back in time, recalling the events.

"No, sir. He's alive."

Both yours and Jungkook's head snap in his direction with lightning speed.

Had you just imagined him saying that?

"What?" you voice.

"He didn't kill him, " the man confirms and this time you can clearly see his lips matching the words. "It was all a trick."

Clash

"No!"

Tiny little glass shards scatter across the floor, but you don't even have time to react as another loud noise joins it.

"No!" Jungkook yells again after taking out the anger on the second vase. " I don't believe you! You're lying!" He's fully risen to his feet, his chest puffed from breathing too hard. You've never seen him like this, so angry and panicked and scared.

"He's alive, sir. I'm not lying. They enacted the death-"

"Shut up!" Jungkook screams.

"-to make Y/N-ssi feel guilty and leave. Please, sir. You have to listen to me. You did not kill anyone."

A storm of emotions drowns you whole and it's impossible to pinpoint a particular feeling in the midst of all the chaos. Pain, sadness, relief, anger. They all come as a flooding mess, an absolute wreck.

But none of that matters now.

Not as you notice Jungkook from the corner of your eye, slowly sink to the floor and curl into a ball. It's just like that night at the hotel. He rocks back and forth with no awareness of his surroundings, completely lost in his despair.

The storyteller gives him a perplexed look. He must be wondering why Jungkook was reacting this way, why he didn't sigh in relief upon the news of his innocence.

That's because the man didn't know what the idea of killing someone had done to him and how hard it was to just rip that thought out of his mind. He'd convinced himself over and over that he was guilty, that he was a murderer. You'd witnessed it yourself during all those restless nights filled with nightmares driven by his own conscience. You'd both tried to speak as little as you could about it by trying to avoid that fact but now that he's given up and let himself fall apart, you're able to see how it had ruined him beyond repair.

You glare at the bodyguard to stop him from going further and rush to Jungkook's side on the floor.

And your heart shatters into a million pieces.

He's sobbing like a little child.

A grown-up man turned into a little kid just like that, with his arms wrapped around his knees, head buried low within.

You carefully approach him and crouch on the floor, putting a hesitant hand on his shoulder. "Kook..."

He doesn't even acknowledge your presence and his sobs only seem to increase but that doesn't discourage you from throwing your arms around him in a wide hug.

"It's okay, Kook. You're okay."

Suddenly, his hands wrap around your waist and he hugs you so tightly, you almost fall back. You thread your fingers through his dark silky hair and pat his head.

Another choked sob escapes his throat.

Oh how you wished you were the one suffering, not him. If only you could take all his pain from him, you'd gladly do it. You'd do anything for him.

His fists scrunch the fabric on the back of your shirt as hit tears spill on your collarbones.

"You're okay, you're okay, shhhhhhh." you whisper in his ear.

All is forgotten by now. The only thing you can focus on is to let him know that you were here, that you understood, and that it was okay to feel like this.

It was okay not to be okay.

* * *

You'd lost all sense of time with Jungkook in your arms that you'd failed to even throw a look at the man in the corner, silently waiting for the situation to cool down.

"I'm sorry." you hear Jungkook's worn voice at the side of your neck.

"Don't be." you answer. "It's not your fault."

He finally unties his hands from your waist and takes a deep breath. A dark veil still hangs in his eyes but he tries to cover it up with a weak smile. However, the smile turns a tad bit more genuine when you cup his cheek with one hand and gently caress it.

"I'll get you some water," you say and make to get up but he grips your hand and looks up at you with pleading eyes.

"Don't go."

If you could choose to have an image branded at the back of your mind, this particular one would be it. Those big round eyes and the messy curls that fell over them carelessly, that scar on his cheekbone, the one you'd always loved, and the pouty lips under the frame of which a tiny mole showed.

You feel like crying and laughing at the same time.

Yet you still understand.

He needed the physical support as much as the he needed the emotional one in order to have something to hang onto. A safe harbor to keep him from straying off into the dark corners of his traumas.

"Okay." You sit back down and Jungkook clings onto your arm almost immediately.

"Sir, " the man finally decides to speak. "I'm really sorry about everything."

Jungkook nods in affirmation.

You're just about to add something when the man's inner pocket of his coat starts to vibrate.

He gulps.

Looks at the door.

With shaking hands, he reaches inside his coat and retrieves his phone.

"It's him." he says upon taking a look at the screen.

Your senses tingle with a mind of their own. What you'd been talking about all this time takes the form of a man. The source of all your fears and sufferings.

The floor suddenly grows uncomfortable.

Bzzzzzzzz

It's like the vibrations are digging into your brain, each buzz more unbearable than the other.

The man can't seem to take it anymore. He taps on the phone and pushes it to his ear.

A gruff voice joins the line.

You're not able to catch any of the words but the man's face says it all.

Something happened.

"Don't hurt them, " he croaks.

More yelling on the other side of the phone call.

Then, silence.

At this point you don't know what to expect. You tightly squeeze Jungkook's leg in reassurance.

The man's begging eyes turn to plead with yours, desperate, hopeless. "I'm sorry, " he says and runs off to the door.

But instead of leaving, he pushes the open button.

And waits.

Your heart leaps in your throat when a dozen other bodyguards rush inside.

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penwieldingdreamer · 5 years

Text

Accidentally in Love

So as there are so few stories about the good Doctor Mike Varshavski I thought I’d try my luck here. I’m in no way a nurse or a doctor, so every medical term or anything to do with medicine will be reviewed on the WWW. Let me know what you think, and if it’s worth getting to the 2nd chapter.

Summary

After a long shift, Mike only wanted to get home to his two dogs Roxy and Bear, but the woman coming to the ER shortly before the end of his work day might have more in store for him than he thought

Chapter 1

With a slight wince I closed my eyes, leaning back on the hard bed of the ER, feeling the springs nudging harshly into my back through the thin mattress.

It was a stark contrast to the soft hands working on my face.

“Okay, Miss Bennett. That was the last of it.” the doctor sitting by my head said, pulling his gloves off.

Now the normal reaction of someone getting their head stitched up and smiled at by the nice doctor in the ER, having better things to do like saving lives, would be a 'Thank you', but I'm not normal – and drunk.

Which was why I ended up at the hospital at 2am on a Saturday night.

“You're hot, Mr. Doctor Mike.” I slurred, my head lolling back and the darkness enveloping me, my only coherent thought being the hole I needed to find to crawl into.

~¤~

“How come you always end up with a douche?”

Karen, my best friend since High School took a long sip of her Cosmo, shaking her head at my unfortunate luck. The guy I was supposed to meet for the night had stood me up, telling me he couldn't come to the restaurant I had invited him. Unfortunately I had already been there and saw him with another woman.

So, yeah, it's bad luck and bad karma right now.

Grabbing my third shot of Tequila, which I really deserved after that supposed date, I glared at her. “Well, maybe, because you always try to set me up on these dates. How many of your co-workers have you got to send them my way?”

She held up her hands and grimaced. “You know, I'm only trying to help you out. You've suffered the single life long enough now. Pete was an asshole, but I want you to see that not all of them are like him.”

“Yeah? Good luck with that.” I grumbled, the rosé wine in my hand. After that fiasco we had met up and gone out to Pinot's Pallette, a nice bar near the Overlook Medical Center in Summit, NJ, where Karen worked as a nurse.

She always thought with me being traumatized by Pete's ways in the relationship we had, Karen needed to find a way to get me back on track.

My first and last relationship lasted three months and after the break up I threw myself into work. But now my friend was tired of my 'I don't have time for a relationship' excuses and my mother always chewed my ear of, telling me how she would never see me walk down the isle and have more grandbabies.

Karen put her hand on mine as I leaned back in the seat, looking over at her. “I'm sorry for all the idiots I'm sending your way. I just thought with them being doctors and nurses at the center that they would at least be the right ones.”

“You know Karen, my mom and you could conspire together, she'd love nothing more than that.” I waved to the bar keeper to get me another shot of Tequila.

My friend smiled at me, reaching up to brush my brown locks out of my face. “We just want what's best for you, Laur.”

“Ha, yeah.” I grumbled onto my glass, taking a sip from my cocktail. “At the moment I'm quite happy with my apartment in a nice neighborhood, that I'm able to afford and a job I like, so no worries about me having a good life.”

Moving away from me, Karen surrendered and let out a sigh of defeat. “All right, if I promise to not set you up on another blind date, will you stop looking so sour and enjoy your night out with me? Evan has been a little chit since he decided to move in with me.”

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me when she told me about her boyfriend. He was a nice guy, a doctor working at Overlook, but he also had his negative traits, like leaving his clothes all over the place or the dirty dishes in the sink until Karen came home from her shift to clean it up.

She grinned at me and lightly hit my arm, the dark mood I had been in just moments ago flown out the window.

After another hour and one more glass of wine we both decided to call it a night, the time already flying now that it was nearly one in the morning.

“I'll just head to the restroom, all that wine and jokes are making themselves known.” Karen said, the corner of her lips lifting in a mock pained smile, getting up from her seat, swiftly grabbing her jacket and purse and moving to the toilets.

At the mention of a full bladder, mine called to attention, too, so I followed her, my tote and cardigan in hand.

The restrooms were located in the back of the bar, down a flight of stairs. The blonde in front of me grinned, linking our arms like we always did.

I was just about to take the first step down, with Karen behind me, when a couple, giggling like crazy made their way up to us. Mentally shaking my head at their antics I turned back to my friend, rolling my eyes.

“Laura?”

That's when a soft gasp tore itself from my throat, the voice still all too familiar.

“Pete?” I cocked out, so shocked at seeing him again.

Karen watched us carefully, hoping neither of us would make a scene. And just as my ex-boyfriend wanted to say something, I tripped, missing one of the steps. Falling.

I don't know if it took only minutes or hours to land at the bottom of the stairs, but it all happened in slow motion and all I could see was the horrified look on Karen's face, all I could feel was the pain that spread all over.

With how fast she ran down the steps, she nearly crashed into the wall, helping me to sit up. Pete stood frozen on the top of the stair well, watching everything unfold, while his date obviously wanted to move on. “Come on, she's drunk of her ass, no wonder she crashed.”

“We should call an ambulance.” he muttered, pulling out his phone, but Karen stopped him. “No need, I'll take her over to Overlook. We'll be fine.”

Nodding his head, Pete and the giggly woman left us while the blonde beside me was in full on nurse mode, trying to see what I had gotten myself into now.

She knew I was clumsy, always had been, but when I was drunk it was even worse. With a grimace I looked up at Karen, the pain radiating from my head down to my left hand and leg. And it wasn't the only uncomfortable thing that happened, no.

“Karen?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I peed my pants.” I spoke so softly and Karen had to strain to hear me.

~¤~

“So, Doc, you got plans after shift?” Matilda, a middle aged nurse at Overlook asked the young doctor, as he leaned on the nurse station the emergency department.

He grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah not really, Matilda, it's been a long shift, so I'm just heading back to my fathers, getting the dogs and sleep.”

“Not to worry, you only got about twenty min...” she started, but the entrance door to the ER was pushed open. Karen Walters, one of the nurses working at the hospital came in, supporting a young woman to help her walk through.

“Mike, thank god.” she called, seeing the dark haired doctor standing there. “I kinda need your help.”

Mike immediately jumped into Doctor mode and helped the young woman onto a stretcher. “Get Bay 3 ready. Obvious laceration to the head, probably needs stitches.”

He then turned to Karen, ignoring to slight groan coming from the bed. “What happened?”

“Her name's Laura Bennett, age twenty-five, Caucasian . We were out for drinks, then ran into her ex-boyfriend and she tripped, fell down a couple of stairs. Hit her head pretty hard but I don't know about the rest. She's stubborn like a mule when she's drunk and won't let me check.”

“I'm not stubborn.” she slurred, throwing her left arm over her face and showing off a few nasty bruises along her forearm, a big one around her wrist. They'd have to get it checked out in X-Ray. “But I think I peed my pants.”

Mike winced slightly, thankful that she didn't seem to be in too much pain or not feel it with all the alcohol in her system. “It looks like a sprained wrist, but we'll have to x-ray it after I stitched her head.” he told Karen, before turning to Laura. “Miss Bennett, how about your friend helps you out of these bloody clothes and into one of our nice and warm gowns, then I can take a good look at your injuries.”

With a lopsided grin, the young woman eyed him carefully. “Oh, now I get it. You want to see me naked.”

The blonde nurse groaned and apologized profusely for her friends behavior, thinking that maybe she hit her head harder than she thought. “Sorry, I guess it's the alcohol and the hammering head that's got her like this.”

Mike smiled, laying his hand on Karen's arm and nodding back to Laura. “No worries. At least she's a woman. I already got three guys flirting with me today. Now help her get changed.”

~¤~

#dr mike #doctor mike #mike varshavski #mike varshavski imgaine #doctor mike story #fanfic #accidentally in love

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nunonabun · 5 years

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If you don't mind answer (Since I'm loving you digging into other answers you give!) What do you think about the show's seemingly Anti-Adoption standpoint? Even when it's for the best interest of the child, or the mother's insistent on it, they seem to do everything they can to convince the mother otherwise. Even when the mother couldn't afford the child at all, and had a home lined up for them, they talked her out of it.

Thank you for the question! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to, I wanted to attempt a thorough answer but I had a lot going on, so it got a tad forgotten in the drafts.

Your ask is quite a toughie. I don’t know that I’d actually characterize the show as having an anti-adoption viewpoint, I think the show is often trying to be conscious of the way class and other social structures interacted with the adoption system at the time, while also trying to deal with other issues adoption raises. I think sometimes they do well with that, but sometimes, while trying to shine a light on one thing, they manage to fall into other biases. I’ll put the rest under a ‘read more’ as this did get a biiiit long.

Class had (and has, really) a big role in adoption, and views of who “deserved” to be a parent often had harmful impacts. It’s a complicated and difficult subject, and there are lots of factors that can come into play in each case, but shame and other pressures were often usedto essentially force poor and/or single mothers to give up children. Some children were outright taken from the biological mother (or couple, in some cases, though overwhelmingly judgement landed on single women) that wanted them and were trying to keep them. The choice wasn’t really a free choice as they often weren’t given the support they would need in order to make keeping the child a viable option for them, nor were they given support in thoroughly thinking through all of their options and deciding what they truly want. Also, young, single, working-class women were generally condemned for becoming pregnant and were often pressured to give the child up so that they could be given to a ‘better’ family (i.e. middle-class straight couple. Having a British background & being Christian did also come into it).

Another aspect of portraying adoption is contending with the bias that a ‘real’ family is biological; that there’s some kind of innate bond between people who are biologically linked that is not present between those who aren’t (I’m going to call this the ‘biology bias’ for convenience’s sake). The elements of classism and biology bias (and bias against single parents, homophobia, racism, etc.) can interact in complex ways. Trying to realistically portray negative aspects of the adoption system that aren’t often talked about can result inseemingly playing into the ‘child should stay with their real family’ prejudice. Or it can both critique the class bias and buy into the biology bias. The latter case often takes the form of ‘well I guess the adoptive couple is providing a promising future for the child, it’s just a shame that it comes at the cost of a deeper/truer love, as the child would have had with the bio family’ in media portrayals. Or sometimes the inverse can happen (undercutting the biology bias but accepting the class bias) and you get an attribution of blame instead of an examination of how people are constrained by their situations in a way that couldbe resolved with good social supports, à la ‘those (lower-income) people were just bad parents who don’t deserve a child, the child should be given to a good (middle-class) couple.’ And plenty of other complex issues arise when the axes of race & nationality, physical & mental differences, gender, etc. come into play. It’s really a hard thing to navigate and communicate all of the elements that are wrapped up in adoption, and I’d say portrayals are often in the grey zone.

To disentangle the elements in CtM’s portrayals of adoption, I’m going togo ahead and take a little look at all of the examples of adoption in the show and try to examine what they’re aiming for and what I think they convey. Please feel free to point out if I’ve missed one or if you think I’ve missed elements of one portrayal or have misconstrued things. Strap in guys, this is hecking long. Or jump down to the Tl;dr, that’s fine too.

First, in 1x02, we have Mary, the Irish girl who came to London, was taken advantage of and pressured into prostitution and became pregnant. Jenny tries to help her, but as she is single, poor, still a child herself, and a prostitute, the child is removed from Mary (and in episode 4 we discover that that has seriously mentally scarred her, resulting in her taking someone else’s child in an attempt to regain what was taken from her.) Here we see pretty much exactly what I was talking about above. Society saw Mary as morally unfit (as being poor, a prostitute, and single & pregnant were judged to be personal failures/sins, and there was additional prejudice against Irish people), so there was no safety net for her, no public services provided so that she, even as poor and young as she was, could realistically raise the child if she wanted to. You could say it might be unjust to leave the child with Mary, given her circumstances, but I think CtM is showing that her circumstances didn’t have to be what they were. If she wasn’t judged so on a moral basis, she wouldn’t be condemned to continue in those circumstances and she wouldn’t have had her child taken from her against her will. If she had been given a free choice and support in making it and carrying it out, she may have kept the child or she may have given it up, but either way, the outcome for Mary wouldn’t have been as terrible as it was.

The second case we see is Doris Aston, in 3x02. Doris is married and has a few children already, and reveals that her current pregnancy is likely the result of an affair with a black man. Obviously, her husband (who is white) will know she was unfaithful when the child is born, and she and the child will be at risk as her husband is abusive (it’s revealed throughout the episode that he is controlling and aggressive, even prior to learning of his wife’s infidelity.) In the end, the child (who Doris names Carole) is taken out of the house, with the husband threatening to kill Carole if she remains. Carole is taken to the Turners’ to foster and then sent on to her middle-class adoptive family.This episode is meant to shine a light on another pressure that results in women not having a free choice in life, particularly around sexuality and children. Divorce was heavily stigmatizedat the time, and it wasn’t easy for a woman to get a divorce from her husband if he didn’t agree to it, especially if the couple already had children together. Therefore, if a woman was unhappy in a marriage, or even suffering abuse, there wasn’t much recourse for her. Yes, in this situation Doris did cheat, but the circumstances of that are complicated. What’s more, as a result of it, she doesn’t really have a free choice in whether to keep her daughter (and sons) and leave her husband (which she wanted) or stay and work it out either with or without Carole. The only real choice she has is to give the child up and hope her husband a) doesn’t find and hurt the baby, b) isn’t violent towards her as a result of him learning about her infidelity, and c) that she can bury her emotions around Carole and essentially pretend she never existed/died at birth. So the episode is seeking to portray the way women, especially working-class women, were unjustly constrained; forced into choices they would not freely have made. Race is touched on only briefly, in that it’s the element that renders Doris’ infidelity evident, and also a mixed-race child is more difficult to place within the adoption system. This isn’t really explored much, as Carole is quickly adopted and we don’t actually really see how her being mixed affects this.An element of this episode that I think they mishandled was buying into the ‘true family is bio family’ prejudice via their attempt to portray the injustice Doris faced and sympathize with her. This mainly comes in near the end of the episode, where they reinforce the idea that Doris is Carole’s ‘real’ mother. Doris herself worries that Carole “won’t know I’m her mother,” and Sister Julienne says “If Carole searches for her mother one day, hopefully records will bring her to us,” Here I think the norm of just saying “mother” as though the adoptive mother Carole will have isn’t really her mother, is partially just because they’re showing that Doris does feel she is Carole’s mother and doesn’t actually want to give her up, however it does play into the biology bias. This is deeply reinforced when Vanessa Redgrave chimes in with a “[Doris] trusted in God that Carole would have a good life with good people who would give her the future she couldn’t. More than anything, she wished she could have kept her because whatever anyone else might feel, it couldn’t be what Doris felt. Her daughter was of and from her. They were a part of each other and always would be.” That could generously be interpreted as Mature Jenny just conveying what Doris believed, but even so, there’s a heavy narrative buy-in to that message, and the message is clearly ‘Doris wanted to keep her daughter and ought not to have been forced to give her up. Biology and gestation result in an inherent, unbreakable bond that cannot be replicated and it is therefore regrettable that Carole had to be given to a family that - though financially secure, potentially kind, and distant from the threat of violence - lack that bond.’ That message again seeks to convey the injustice of Doris’s situation and sympathize with her pain, but in doing so, it implies that adoptive families lack this deep, automatic bond forged via biology and are therefore inherently weaker. They may provide a more materially promising future for the child, but unfortunately, they aren’t as ‘true’ a family as a biologically linked one.Furthermore, Jenny says “[The adoption agency worker] spoke as though Doris had no link at all with her baby,” and notes that the adoptive parents requested no ongoing contact. These elements reinforce the portrayal of the adoption as cold and insufficiently recognizant of how the baby is ‘actually’ the biological mother’s. This bit is difficult, as Carole is not not Doris’s, and it’s totally fair for Doris to grieve for the loss of her daughter. Also, cutting off contact, not allowing any connection at all to the child’s birth family was commonly done and can be a very harmful practice. The adoption agency (and society at large) certainly thought Doris had no moral right to see Carole, as she chose to have an affair and is therefore a Bad Woman and a Bad Mother, and that is justly critiqued by the show. But I think, in this episode, the show is rather clumsy in its portrayal of this complex situation, and manages to imply that the adoptive family (and mother in particular) are kind of interlopers who are only a solution to a problem as opposed to being a potentially very loving family that is just as true of a family as a biological one. Where this reading is a bit shaken is that this is the start of the foreshadowing that the Turners will end up adopting a child, and their fostering of Carole for the night before she is adopted is shown in a very positive light. The whole scene is loving and sweet, and positive comments are made about Carole’s adoption (though sympathy is also extended to Doris.) So it’s a bit of a mixed bag, this episode. Overall I think that it does a good job with the class and sexism elements, but a poor job with handling the biology bias.

The third time adoption is portrayed (3x06), it’s more of a subplot that serves to introduce Shelagh and Patrick to the idea that adoption could be the answer to their desire to expand their family. Colin Monk, Tim’s friend, is revealed to be adopted. Learning this immediately prompts Shelagh to propose that she & Patrick pursue adoption to continue building their family. She comments: “I really don’t believe I’d have to carry a child inside my body for it to feel like ours. If I felt that, it would mean that loving Timothy has taught me nothing.” This is a firm rebuttal of the biology bias and it nicely links step and adoptive families, explicitly espousing a positive perspective on both.The episode does touch on the class & religious aspects too. Shelagh says that the adoption charity she went to was the Church of England Childrens’ Society, and notes: “I think they quite like the idea of us, a GP and a retired midwife. (…) As the lady [at the adoption agency] said, the children have already got off to a sorry start in life, they need the very best parents the agency can find them.” So, again, the show is bringing up the normative judgements around parenting, and the idea that a (straight) professional couple where the mother stays home is deemed morally deserving of children.The end of this episode also sees Patrick getting antsy about the conditions of adoption, correctly foreseeing that (in 3x07) his mental health struggles will cause the agency to deem him less deserving of a child (so here’s ableism coming in to play too.)Overall, I think these episodes did a good job with the adoption plot. They push back against the biology bias while also subtly highlighting who is deemed socially worthy of children in terms of class and health.

Fourth there’s 3x08, wherein the Turners adopt Angela. Here, the portrayal is overwhelmingly positive, with pretty much all of our excitement and sympathies going to the Turners, who are meeting their daughter for the first time. They’re excited about the news that they’re going to become parents in much the same way we see people on the show excited about an impending birth. Holding Angela for the first time (particularly with respect to Shelagh) is treated as having as much weight and love as any parent being handed their biological baby. Particularly, In The Mirror plays, a musical theme that has been used to score previous momentous transformations in Shelagh’s life (and Patrick’s, as those changes are often linked), Patrick says “here’s your mummy,” and Shelagh says “we have a daughter.” For me, that is slightly undercut by Shelagh saying “This is the closest I’m ever going to get to giving birth.” This implies that the experience is kind of a consolation prize, as close as they can get to what they’d ideally want; for Shelagh to carry and give birth to a child that is biologically theirs. I don’t think that’s necessarily what they meant to imply - especially given all the talk before and in later episodes about loving Angela as much as if she were biologically theirs - but that’s how that line read to me. But again, that is largely overwhelmed by the positive tone and emotions portrayed in that scene.Switching into the consideration of the other end of the equation, the biological mother, we have a very interesting choice to comment on the deeply uncomfortable situation that led to Angela becoming a Turner. When Patrick asks what she knows about the situation, Shelagh says: “Hardly anything, just that the mother is only 16 and she was meant to be taking the baby home with her, but at the last minute her parents changed their minds.” Timothy, always involved in the family building (another strong element of the portrayal) says “That’s terrible,” and Patrick reprimands him with a slightly curt “Tim.” Shelagh says, “That’s why they want a speedy settlement, to spare further trauma for those involved.” We, the viewers, are excited and happy about the Turners adopting, and then we’re hit with this slight insight into the other side of the equation. Though “our” family is getting its happy outcome, that results from a terrible thing having happened to a young, single girl (‘Miss Jones’.) We don’t know the class differential here, so there’s not much to work with, analysis-wise, on that front. Here, it’s more that Miss Jones doesn’t really have the option to contradict her parents in this society, which results in her being forced to give up the child she wanted to keep. So again the show highlights the lack of choice women (and girls) had, and hints at the moral judgements around who is worthy of being supported in their parenting project. Interestingly, this actually puts Shelagh (and Patrick, to some degree, though the whole plot really focusses more on Shelagh’s motherhood, which is a whole other discussion) a bit in the moral grey, as her (their) desire to have a child causes them to kind of callously brush past the injustice their daughter’s biological mother faced. Though that is slightly tempered by Shelagh noting that it’s felt that doing this all quickly is the least traumatic option, having her convey this information as they’re all rushing to pick up Angela really gets across how the injustices on the bio mother’s side of the picture just kind of get glossed over in the focus on joy of the adoptive family. We don’t take that bit more time to consider what actually results in the best outcome for all involved. That’s an interesting counterpoint to 3x02, where the adoptive family’s love and joy is glossed over by our focus on the sorrow and pain of Doris Aston. I would say though that 3x08 does a bit better at integrating all these elements, as the hurried discussion of the bio mother is, I think, clearly meant to bring us up short and make us consider that there are elements of injustice in this situation, whereas 3x02 doesn’t really give us much positive about the adoptive family. The following episode does give us some balance too, showing the Turners worrying about Angela’s biological mother while still clearly maintaining that Angela is as loved as she would be if she was biologically theirs. Shelagh and Patrick reflect on this together and with Timothy, and the ensemble decision is to send a letter to Angela’s biological mother (though administrative structures make it uncertain that the letter will reach her), giving her some closure as to what happened to the child she gave up. This serves to send the message that communication in the process of family-building is important, while also remaining grounded in a time where it was generally held that the best thing to do in an emotionally difficult situation was to not talk about it.

In the following episode, the Christmas special, we get the mother and baby home, which switches gear firmly into focussing on the judgement placed on unmarried women who become pregnant (especially young women) and the abuses these women (and girls) faced in the institutions they were sent to. First, there’s the fact that these institutions existed, largely tucked away to reinforce that falling pregnant outside of marriage is shameful and needs to be hidden. Then there’s the medical neglect within the home, the only staff being the Nonnatus volunteers and the drunken matron who runs the place. We see one case briefly where a baby is basically ripped from a young woman/girl who was not yet ready to say goodbye. Of our two main cases, we have one woman who decided to keep the baby though she was initially aloof and uncaring, and one who was totally comfortable giving the baby up and does so. I think a strong point of the episode was pointing out that whole Mother & Baby Home system is a result of and in many ways a reinforcement of the shaming and punishment of young, often poor, unmarried mothers for what was deemed a personal failing. We see this explicitly with Tim’s comment about “moral contagion,” wherein he’s voicing/testing out/subtly criticizing the mainstream view of the time. In England at the time, society operated on the idea that treating these women like any other pregnant women would be endorsing their sin/personal failing, and that would lead to a whole epidemic of this sort of thing, which would obviously be bad. So the episode as a whole is bringing that to light and critiquing it and the actions that resulted from it.On to the two main cases. One is a young woman/girl who decides to give her bio son up for adoption, saying that she’s happy to think that he’ll have a good life with people who love and want him and it’s the right choice for both of them. She is shown to have a supportive mother, indicating that sometimes, the choice was freer. The narrative is telling us that there were cases where - in spite of wider social prejudice against unmarried mothers - keeping the child would have been a viable option, but the bio mother decided that wasn’t what she wanted/what she judged to be the best outcome of the situation, and this is a perfectly fine choice to make.My feelings on the portrayal of the other young woman/girl are a bit more mixed. On the one hand, yes sometimes someone is totally set on giving up a child but their mind changes when confronted by the reality of the newborn. However, this storyline is a bit of an iffy trope and I think using it requires some delicacy. It’s very easy to fall into the ‘it’s your child and you will and ought to have a unique, automatic bond with it,’ which places a judgement on women who don’t automatically feel that bond, whether or not they want that child and whether or not they ultimately decide to keep that child. That normative view of bonding downplays the work that goes into bonding with a child and implicitly judges those whose bond is not automatic, as well as implying that there is a sort of bond that is exclusive to the person who gives birth to the child. On the plus side, that storyline directly contradicts the idea that these young women/girls don’t deserve to be mothers, and that is a point in its favour.On the whole, though I disagree with the ‘automatic bond’ portion of the one storyline, the episode benefits from having multiple storylines highlighting different elements within the overall focus on pregnant, unmarried young women/girls and the injustices they suffered as a result of sexism.

Sixth, we get the case of Marnie Wallace and Dot (and Eugene) Spenlow. Marnie and Dot are cousins, the former is poor, the latter is more middle-class. Marnie is pregnant and her husband has died fairly recently. She’s struggling with how she’s going to provide for this child as well as the children she already has. The main option is to give the child to Dot and her husband, who very much want a child but cannot have one biologically. This gets uncomfortable as Dot offers Marnie financial support on the condition that Marnie gives them the baby when it’s born. Marnie does this but is clearly unhappy about it. When we see Dot and Eugene with the baby, they seem fairly uncomfortable with caring for it/aren’t going about it as Marnie would, though they are happy. Marnie decides she can’t live with this and takes the baby back, and though Dot and Eugene are upset, they come to accept this and give her all the stuff they bought for the baby. I’m not entirely sure what the episode was going for. There’s the theme of poor women being forced to give up children out of financial necessity (lack of resources & support made available to them), and there’s the theme of family pressuring a woman to make certain decisions about her children. I think they were trying to highlight class dynamics, and that resulted in the episode portraying a more middle-class part of a family directly preying on a poorer family member and taking her child. My discomfort with that (and I think it’s a discomfort that many viewers had) is not around Marnie not deserving to have the support she needs to raise a child that she truly wants. Portraying class struggles has always been an important element of this show and a praiseworthy one. The reason this episode drew some criticism (at least, on tumblr), I think, is that the portrayal of the couple who cannot biologically have children feels malicious. It feels like the message being sent is that there’s something virtuous about being able to have children even when you “have nothing but love,” whereas the barren couple is materialistic, not naturally good at parenting like someone who can bear children and inherently unable to provide the love that the bio mum could give the baby. That Dot practically bribes Marnie to give her the baby borders on a caricature and makes me question why it was written this way, as opposed to, say, having Dot and Eugene being portrayed more sympathetically (i.e. not bribing Marnie, offering her help) and perhaps having Marnie struggle to communicate with them that she feels pressured into a choice that she’s not comfortable with. While the situation that was portrayed isn’t wildly out there in terms of things that could and probably do happen within families, the predatory portrayal of the Spenlows seems to condemn them for being unable to have children that are biologically theirs. And that’s not a super great message to send.Oh yeah, and Tom has some feelings about the fact that he was adopted. That part of the episode felt quite tacked on. I think they were trying to communicate that a person who was adopted may have complicated feelings about the circumstances leading to their adoption when they grow up. How do you process a situation in which your biological mother was forced to give you up, but you love and were & are very happy with your adoptive family? What if you just don’t know the circumstances in which you were given up but fear they were traumatic for your biological mother/family? I think those are all very good questions to explore and I would love to see the show do a good job of exploring them. This episode wasn’t it. Putting Tom questioning those things against the backdrop of Marnie and Dot, the negative message of their story casts a shadow over those questions such that, instead of really exploring them, you’re left with the feeling that the show is saying ‘yeah, that was probably a bad thing that you weren’t raised in your biological family.’ I think they tried to provide balance to this by having Tom maintain that he loved his family and had a very normal childhood and he didn’t even think about the fact of his adoption, but I don’t think it worked. I also think that positioning ‘I didn’t even question that I was adopted and never thought about the circumstances of my birth & bio parents’ as the sign of a positive outcome of adoption is problematic. A person can be curious about and care about their bio family and the circumstances that led to their adoption without that being a slap in the face of their adoptive family or a sign that they were/are unhappy/unsatisfied with their adoptive family. Overall, though there were a few good elements to this episode… it was a bit of a trainwreck.

Seventh, there’s the 2018 Christmas Special. In this episode, we get the case of Anthea (Tillerson) Sweeting, who was abused by her father throughout her life and was then turned out by her family when she became pregnant as a result of the abuse. She subsequently formed a family of her own composed of some children who are biologically hers, as well as some who are adopted and some who she (and her husband) are fostering. There is also the case of Linda & Selwyn, a couple living in a caravan who are preparing for the birth of a baby who is not biologically Selwyn’s. Their arc largely involves Linda escaping the cycle of self-blame and accepting that the man she loves and who loves her is fully committed accepting the child as his and continuing forward as a family. With both of these cases, the biology bias is directly contradicted. With the Tillerson/Sweeting situations, we compare a family where the biological father was abusive and the biological family as a whole failed to protect the children (though there are nuances as to the mother’s responsibility in a situation where she too was suffering abuse) to a strong, loving family where the degree of biological relatedness varies. Then with Linda & Selwyn, you have a family where the biological father is not in the picture and the non-biological father is shown to be loving and supportive and very likely a good father. The episode as a whole strongly communicates that it is the choice to love and the continued commitment to one another that makes a healthy family.

Eighth and finally, we have the 2018 Christmas Special. I’m not going to go into the whole of May’s situation and its portrayal because there’s much to go into about fostering and, while fostering is related to adoption, it’s really a whole topic of its own. There’s also a discussion that could be had about religious institutions and their role in adoption, but that would really go into the role they have in childbirth as well and that is just a whole big other conversation we could have about the show. Also, frankly this reply is long as heck already and a million high fives to you if you’ve stuck with me this far. In this episode, we go to the Nonnatus Mother Ship House and learn that apparently, they run an orphanage. Sister Winifred has a nice storyline with a boy who has disabilities and is therefore unlikely to be adopted. It is shown that children like this were often pushed to the sides and not given the care they needed to flourish. They were also far less likely to be adopted because they have different needs from children without disabilities, so they’re not what people seek when adopting (or hope for when giving birth.) This was a strong point of the episode, as it highlights the ableism in society more generally and specifically within family-building and childcare. Then we have May, who is part of a group of orphans from Hong Kong whose adoptive parents do not show up to pick her up because the prospective father gets TB, so the Turners decide to take her to live with them as a foster child. We learn that May’s biological mother was a prostitute and struggled with addiction and that though she tried to keep May, in the end she couldn’t manage to care for her in the situation she was in. There’s lots going on here in terms of class, addiction, sex work, and international adoption (especially, in this case, the power differential between Hong Kong (a British colony) and the UK (the colonial power in this equation.)) Later in the episode (or possibly in the series), it’s mentioned that May isn’t fluently anglophone and the Turners will have to work on her English with her, but other than that, questions of race, culture, etc… aren’t really touched on. I hold out some hope that these will come up in the upcoming series but I think they could have been introduced a bit in this episode/series. Also on the subject of international adoption, we have the sad (and sadly mishandled) story of the Australian home children. These children were sent to Australia (and other Commonwealth countries) for adoption, but were actually treated more as a source of free labour on farms. We actually did see this mentioned at the end of a much earlier episode (4x01), where four children were left mostly alone in conditions of abject squalor due to a neglectful mother (that was pretty much played straight, we don’t really gain much insight as to what her story was) and after Nonnatus helps them, they’re sent off to Australia where they suffer further abuse. And this is repeated here, the pregnant woman in question loitering around the Mother House trying to gain the courage to enter the last place she was happy as a child and talk about the abuse she suffered when she was sent out from the orphanage within this program. I think there’s a positive to this, in that it’s shedding light on a dark aspect of history, but it seems like there may have been a larger point/concern they were trying to make about international adoption programs and the positives and negatives therein that just didn’t land.So overall, there was a lot going on in this episode, some positive elements around tackling ableism in adoption and orphanage care, and some missed elements in relation to international adoption programs.

Tl;dr (and it’s perfectly fine if you jump down here bctbh I wrote a whole freaking tome up there): Dismantling the notion that someone isn’t a “true” parent or isn’t “truly” a person’s child because there’s no biological link is massively important, as is dismantling the notion that you have this instant “natural” connection with your biological child (in terms of what that implies about non-genetic families, the judgement it holds about people who don’t bond instantly with their biological child, and that it erases the work of bonding.) Dismantling the biases about biological connections is helpful in pushing back against a variety of harmful views both within the context of families and family-building, and more broadly. (I’ve actually done some research into essentialist biases around genetics/”blood” and have some interesting papers on it, so please message me if you’re curious and would maybe like to nerd out about it.)

That being said, it’s also important to remember that not all of the choices around adoption are made freely. As with any form of family building, the social structures surrounding it shouldn’t be ignored. At the time, and even now, class, what is considered morally acceptable in a society, and family structure ideals all play into why children are removed from birth families, and which adoptive families they are placed with. They play a large role in who is given support in making, growing and sustaining a family, and who isn’t. Those structures largely favour(ed) straight, Christian, middle-class couples of British backgrounds and judged as worse or less deserving (or completely undeserving) gay, single, non-Christian and/or working-class people of non-British backgrounds.

It’s a really tricky subject, and trying to communicate that biology isn’t what makes you a parent while also showing how harmful the adoption process could be and how rooted it was (is) in unjust social norms & structures is important. I don’t think CtM always nails it, but I think the show benefits from tackling the subject multiple times, from some variety of perspectives, and with efforts at nuance.

#Call the Midwife #adoption #Anonymous

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leonawriter · 5 years

Text

Stray Dogs and Tiger Cubs (pt.6)

Read it on AO3 from the start

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Yosano, Atsushi, Kyouka.

Summary: Look, no matter what happens, Dazai’s gonna Dazai, and Atsushi’s gonna Atsushi. And Yosano’s just over here picking up the pieces.

...

Look after the kid, he said, Yosano thought to herself as she kept track of said kid, who was admittedly very cute. I won't be long, he said.

Dazai had by this point been gone for more than just the five minutes he'd "popped out" for. She took a discrete glance at her phone, only to see nothing, a full two hours after he'd said he wouldn't take long.

On top of that, the fact that the kid was too young to carry anything other than the smallest things, and Dazai - who was normally stuck to the kid like glue, damn it - wasn't there, meant she could only do half the shopping she'd set out for.

A tug on her hand made her stop abruptly, and she looked back (and down) to find that Atsushi was staring off into the crowd.

"Hey, kid, something the matter?"

If this was one of those things Dazai had warned them about...

Atsushi shrugged, and then shook his head.

"That 'neesan," he said, obviously distracted.

"Well, whoever she was, if she's gone we probably aren't going to see her again in this crowd. C'mon, Atsushi-chan. Let's get a move on."

...

The train rattled on out of the station, and Yosano sighed. The boy sitting next to her... Atsushi's feet swung in the air as he kicked them too and fro, not even anywhere near touching the ground, even if he tried. His eyes kept getting caught by every new thing, too, like he was seeing it all for the first time.

For all she knew, he could be.

Or, he might have seen it before, but given he was free... it felt new. Something she could relate to all too well. That she wished a kid younger than she had been could've remained ignorant to.

She still couldn't quite believe- not what he'd been through, she knew enough about how awful people could be that abuse hardly came as a surprise, but that Dazai had taken the kid in. More than that, how quickly the kid had stuck to their resident walking pile of bandages, firmly enough that it was a small miracle he was here with her now, and not just sat back at the office, waiting.

Waiting for Dazai. Who... knowing that guy, was probably disappeared off somewhere trying to off himself again. Though if that was the case, she knew a full line of people, herself included, who'd make a line to do it for him the moment they found him again.

Kunikida had been livid, earlier that morning. Who could blame him? She'd seen how many times he'd tried to impress on Dazai just how important this was, how he couldn't just act up like he always had, and now - here they were.

The one thing they had to believe in was that the idiot would be back. Not only was he - as Kunikida put it so well earlier - so hard to kill that he couldn't even kill himself, but he had to be.

After all. Dazai's life wasn't just about Dazai now, whether or not Dazai himself had figured that out yet. And... talking of-

"Hey, kid. I heard say you got hurt real bad the other day, before Dazai turned up. But you're okay now, right?"

Atsushi jumped slightly, frowned as he seemed to take in what she'd said, and then nodded his head, sending that stray lock on the side of his face flying.

"Tanizaki-niisan said I got hurt when I turned into the tiger, but... I can't remember it all that well. It doesn't hurt, though."

Yosano nodded absently, making a mental note to ask Dazai about having a better look later on - knowing that even aside from anything to do with parental consent, which was sketchy enough as it was since Dazai hadn't taken him by any legal means, Atsushi would be better off having him present - before remembering that Dazai had temporarily vanished.

It's probably the tiger's regeneration, she thinks to herself. A good thing, too - the kid's got enough trauma, without remembering getting hacked up like that properly.

"That's good," she tells him. She doesn't miss the way his feet have stopped kicking, or the way he's staring at the floor of the train. It unsettles her, the way he falls back on going quiet and still like this so easily. It feels too familiar. Not to mention, the mafia was probably still after him. "Hey. You can do me a favour, right?"

Atsushi looked back up at her and hesitated, but nodded. Which was good enough for her.

"No matter what, I want you to do your best to not get hurt too bad, got it?" He blinked at her. Confused, maybe. "None of us want to see you hurt, and I don't want to have to use my ability on you."

"...I heard Tanizaki-niichan scream," Atsushi says, and she sighs again.

"Yeah." For a moment, she lets her eyes fall shut, and the memories come to the fore, reminding her of why. "Cute kids like you shouldn't have to scream."

...

The voice coming from the tannoy had her reaching for Atsushi the moment she realised it couldn't be the actual driver.

The explosion had her hold him close, so that he couldn't fall, or get hurt by anything blown free by the blast that had rocked the train.

The same voice that had oh-so-nicely 'warned' them about the bombs asking for Atsushi, made her blood run ice cold.

All in all, each and every single thing about the whole situation was like a kick in the teeth, like there if was a god, all they were doing right now was laughing at the irony of the train getting blown up right after she'd told Atsushi not to get hurt.

She lets go, and he just stays sat there, eyes wide, arms curled around himself, shaking. Not that she can blame the poor kid - as far as she could tell, this had to be the second time he'd been told people had suffered just because he happened to be there.

"Hey, Atsushi. Look at me, Atsushi." He did, but now those wide eyes were just fixated on her, instead of staring off into the middle distance. Or the floor. "I'm going to go find the- whoever, who did this. And I need you to stay right here." He didn't say anything. Didn't nod or shake his head, either, which wasn't a good sign. "I need you to stay safe, Atsushi. Can you do that for me? If I know you're safe, I don't have to worry about you while I'm doing my job."

She couldn't afford to be distracted on the job - not this one, not anything else either, for that matter. So it was a relief when she saw a shaky, sharp nod.

"Good. Because Dazai'd have my head if I came back without you."

Yosano turned on her heel, picked up her bag, and marched toward the front of the train, where their new 'conductor' lay waiting.

Like hell he wouldn't. Whatever's gotten into him today, I've seen how he is around that kid. No matter the reason why he's gone, it's not because he doesn't care.

...

Yosano-neesan leaves, and Atsushi is left alone again.

She leaves, and the words she'd just said echo in the air, mixing with what the headmaster had told him, time and again.

Those who have been abandoned by their parents have no right to cry at war with stay safe and Dazai'd have my head if I came back without you.

Atsushi is alone, and he has been left behind, and his body is shaking, the fear from hours ago catching up to him. Fear when Da-san had gone out of the door and said he'd not take long, and didn't come back.

He wants to cry, because there's screaming all around him, and the sounds the train was making, which had been fun and almost soothing before, were now scary, too fast, too loud. He wants to, but he can't.

Those who have been abandoned by their parents have no right to cry.

It's almost as though the headmaster is right there in front of him, even if he hadn't been before, even if it didn't make sense, because no one else could see him, and Atsushi didn't want him to be there.

In the distance, he could hear a child start to cry out, loud and unrelenting.

Atsushi flinched, at the memory of attempting to cry at the injuries he'd suffered, the pain having made him scream, and being cut off by a harsh slap to his face.

No one was stopping the child in the other train car. They just kept screaming and screaming.

Just about, Atsushi could make out the words, only a few times, just enough, that he could tell they were crying out for their parents, that they'd been hurt-

I wonder how many are dead already?

-parents who hadn't abandoned them. Not because they'd wanted to, anyway.

Dazai'd have my head if I came back without you, he remembered.

Stay safe.

Yosano-neesan had looked so serious when she'd asked him to do that. To stay safe. She was probably going to be angry with him now, Atsushi thinks, as he drops down from the train seat.

He's small, so he just about makes it through the legs of the people going the other direction. No one pays him all that much mind, because if they had, they probably would have just picked him up and set him down back where he'd started, which would be the opposite of helpful.

Those who can do nothing to save others are worth nothing themselves, he hears from behind him, as he darts from place to place, keeping an eye out.

He practically got cut in half, I mean, the tiger did? It would've been worse if I hadn't been able to...

He'd been hurt worse, Atsushi realised, as he kept going. He could save people now, if he just tried.

As the crowds grew thinner toward the back of the train, someone noticed him, called out for him to turn back, get to where it was safer (stay safe) but as the wind buffeted past his face and he fought to stay upright, he saw a flash of red.

"You..." his voice was all but swallowed up by the train noises and the wind. "Aren't you... that 'neechan?"

...

"My name is Kyouka," she said. "I've killed thirty-five people."

The last had been a family, and the boy hadn't been much older than this one, but this one - this weretiger - the eyes he was looking at her with were completely different. Whereas all of her previous targets had been scared, had pleaded with her for their lives, this one...

This one merely stared at her. Defiant. Without backing down even when Demon Snow's sword came close enough to shear off a strand of his hair.

"Kyouka-neechan," the boy said. She blinked. Something about that... "I don't... understand what you're saying at all!"

It was simple, however. If anyone came near the bomb... tried to stop it from detonating... then, with her life, she would...

She said as much.

The boy shook his head. As if it were something they could disagree on, just like that.

"I... told Da-san I'd see him when he got back," the boy said. But it didn't sound the way that a plea would, or should. "He said he'd be back. That means... I definitely need to be there!"

Then he should have not come here, Kyouka thinks. He should have stayed safely out of the way. If he wanted to go home, he should turn back now, and not still be staring her in the face.

She had killed thirty-five people.

Some of them, had been children, like him.

Did he really somehow think that he was safe?

She undoes the outer layer of her kimono, to show that he wasn't, that none of them would be going home.

Least of all her.

Not that she had anywhere to go back to.

Instead of staying still as the warning dictated, the boy moved - fast - and although Demon Snow raised her blade against the oncoming attack, her sword was merely sliced in half by the tiger that had suddenly appeared where the boy had once stood.

...

It had been one thing to tell Atsushi that she wouldn't be worried if he just promised to stay safe, and another to actually not worry. Activating the intercom to see if she could make sure that he was safe was supposed to have set her at ease, so she could just focus on the rest of this hell of a ride, and not-

Not the passengers saying that Atsushi wasn't there.

That someone had seen him headed toward the back of the train - where the other bomb was.

And she certainly hadn't been expecting to hear people clamouring, one on top of another, that there was a tiger loose on the train.

His ability seems activated by the moonlight, certainly, Dazai had said, but severe stress and anxiety also appear to be triggers for it. On the bright side, however, he is still Atsushi! A tiger, with the mind of a young boy. If someone had somehow only heard of his ability, it's almost no wonder they'd mistake him for an adult.

Yosano opens the intercom to the final car in the hope that, if this was the case, if Atsushi was currently the tiger, he'd at least be able to understand her on some level.

"Atsushi!"

Silence.

Then-

The sound that, even knowing who it had to belong to, set her on edge, that sound of an animal noise rumbling, not quite a roar, but a growl of some kind.

And then, the scream of a young girl, quickly cut off-

She ran to the window, thankful that they were turning a corner, and leaned out just in time to see Atsushi's tiger form flying out of the last carriage, tangled up in its claws and teeth a bundle of red, and in the sky, an explosion.

She could see their trajectory now, the place where they'd hit the water, and she knew damn well she couldn't reach them in time, as the wind stole the second scream of Atsushi's name from her.

And even if she could get to them, there was no promise she'd be able to help, what with Atsushi being all fur-and-claws, and Dazai still nowhere to be found.

...

She had found herself clinging on out of some half-forgotten reflex, feeling teeth and claws cutting into her clothes, but stopping short of slicing her to ribbons. There would be blood, she thought, and the water was going to stain, her clothes would need mending.

But as she sat up on the shore, she was somehow still alive.

Alive, and feeling the sodden fur of the tiger backing away, after butting her with its - his - head.

Looking her over with those same gold-purple eyes.

And then, the tiger looked around, turning his head this way, then that, tail swishing in what seemed to be agitation, before lying down, putting his massive head on his massive paws, a head that contained teeth fit to tear a man's head off, paws that hid claws that could rip a man in two, and seemed to stop entirely, save for the occasional twitch of an ear, the tail, the ripple of fur.

Kyouka reached out, hesitated, brought her hand back.

Was it - he - waiting... for something?

#bungo stray dogs #bsd stuff #bsd #bsd yosano #bsd atsushi #Leona fic #dadzai au

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jamkookies · 5 years

Text

° Bon Voyage °

• Part VII •

Galaxies

"You let out one yell and I'll cut her," you hear the voice behind you say.

It's a feminine one.

Your skin goes cold to the touch and your hands start shaking.

Jungkook is frozen to the spot, terror in his eyes like you've never seen before.

He looks as if he's contemplating on whether to make a move or not.

The cold object slides from the back of your neck to the spot between your shoulders, but not without leaving a little nick first.

You try not to let out a sound but your face makes a pained expression.

It's a knife.

Jungkook takes a step forward, obviously alarmed by the sudden change , but your captor locks your head in her elbow, the knife now right under you throat.

You swallow, the blade waving under the motion and steal a glance at the face next to yours.

Smooth, porcelain skin and red lipstick.

The girl had sure taken her time preparing for this.

She looked oddly familiar but you couldn't quite put your finger on it.

"Don't you touch her," Jungkook growls.

"Oh, I'm not interested in her. You're the one I want."

You should've figured it out sooner.

The girl was a sasaeng, clearly part of the staff. This is why she looked familiar to you - you had seen her multiple times helping out on the backstage.

She was just using you to get to Jungkook.

You felt disgusted.

You had witnessed a lot of other extreme cases where fans would do anything just to be close to their favorites but this was over the top.

"Follow me," she says. "And no sudden movements."

Jungkook looks infuriated, hands shaking with the effort of not being able to do anything, but he still keeps calm.

The girl starts taking backward steps, pulling you along with her, knife still threatening to spill blood.

Jungkook slowly goes after you with his palms up, as if he's trying not to anger a wild animal.

You plead with your eyes to him, unspoken words between the two of you.

Run. Get away from here.

He doesn't.

Damn stubborn child.

You were fine with the thought of you being taken but if anything happened to him, you would never forgive yourself for it.

You walk for a couple more minutes, feet stumbling every time the girl pulls you harshly.

The sound of an engine is heard and you scan the view ahead when she turns you around , eyes still on Jungkook.

"Get in the car and don't try anything. The driver has a gun," she says, gesturing at him with a flick of her head.

This girl was beyond sick.

You couldn't even believe what you had both gotten yourselves into.

Jungkook obeys, getting into the front seat silently.

You go next, still under the girl's clutches.

There's a young man driving.

You can only look at his brown eyes in the front mirror which constantly move from side to side, analyzing every corner of his sight. He points a gun at Jungkook and his other hand holds the wheel.

"You better stay still, boy or I'm gonna have to use this."

"Don't call him a boy," the girl cries."He's a man."

You almost throw up.

There was nothing more you wanted to do right now except for smash her pretty little head into the window.

The driver starts the car.

"We'll leave her a few miles ahead," says the girl. "We don't need her anymore."

You start to panic.

They were gonna kill you.

They were gonna kill you and take Jungkook as their slave and you couldn't let that happen.

You bite the girl's hand with all the force you can muster. She shrieks in pain, letting go of the knife and you punch her in the face.

The man whirls around, but that's all the distraction Jungkook needs. He slaps the gun out of his hand and pulls the wheel towards himself.

The car swerves to the right.

"Y/N, get out!" Jungkook shouts, slamming the man's head right on the wheel and reaches for the handle.

You try to do the same, but a hand grips your hair roughly, pulling you back.

"Were do you think you're going?" the girl sneers.

"Screw you," you snap, and jab your knee into her nose.

She lets go, wailing in agony.

You pull the handle and jump out of the car.

Hard concrete meets your body, the impact rattling your bones as you roll around like a bowling pin.

The world is still spinning when you struggle to get up.

Jungkook limps to you and pulls you on your feet.

"Come on, we've gotta go," he says, breathing hard.

He grabs you by the hand and starts running straight for the forest.

You can barely keep up, the aftereffect of the jump still lingering.

Then, you hear a shot.

Jungkook stops abruptly and crumples onto the ground.

No!

You scream the word at the top of your lungs but you can't hear yourself.

There's a constant buzzing on your ears and you shake all over. It's like everything around you has blurred into nothingness and there's only him.

Jungkook groans and squeezes his thigh.

"I'm alright. It's just a scratch," he says, breathing hard. "Hey, hey..I'm alright. Don't stop."

He taps your cheek with his palm, trying to make you to focus.

You nod, mouth still agape.

He's alright he's alright he's alright-

You sling his arm over your shoulder and carry some of his weight, limping together to the copse of trees a little bit further.

You hear more shots but you don't dare turn your head not even for a moment.

"Stop it, you moron. You'll kill him."

It's the girl.

Now they're gonna chase after you, no doubt.

You don't falter for a second.

Heaving Jungkook with all your might you pray not to get caught.

You get into the woods, thorns and branches pulling at your clothes and slashing your skin mercilessly.

You are aware of the running steps behind you getting closer and closer and you will your heart not to rip out of your chest.

Don't stop don't stop don't stop-

You scan the forest, looking desperately for somewhere to hide.

Jungkook hisses in pain every time he leans on his bad leg.

You pull him even tighter, bearing almost all of his weight with clenched teeth.

Just a little bit more...

"Come on, hyung. Don't bail on me."

The ground slides under your feet and you lose balance, tumbling down a steep. Your arms detach themselves from Jungkook and you can't stop falling, no matter how hard you try to claw at the weeds on the ground.

After almost throwing up your dinner, you roll to a stop, limbs splayed out awkwardly.

Jungkook lays face - down just a little further, not able to move a muscle.

You crawl to him and flip him on his back, which only makes him groan in pain.

Clamping his mouth shut, you force him not to make a sound.

I'm sorry, your eyes seem to say.

You scan your sorroundings.

There's gotta be somewhere you can hide.

Your eyes catch sight of a massive tree, its roots holding the dirt into place.

The space underneath is hollow as a result of erosion.

A shelter.

With a grunt,you drag Jungkook up to his feet, the weight of him even heavier than before.

"Just a little bit further, hyung, please," you plead with a low voice.

He obeys, gathering strength from God knows where and makes a couple more steps.

When he finally reaches the hollow, Jungkook slumps into the ground like a sack of potatoes.

You crouch low under it and pull him in with you.

His breaths come out short and fast.

You flatten against the hollow, as you try to catch your breath.

"Where the hell did they go?" you hear the man's voice up the steep, followed by the rustle of dried leaves.

"This is all your fault," the girl says, her voice echoed by the faint breeze.

"If you had been more attentive, none of this would have happened."

"If I remember correctly the girl bit you first," the man snaps at her.

"Shut up. Do you know the struggle I had to go through all this time? I had to work my ass off all day just so I could take a glimpse of him. And tonight I even had to sneak a knife from the kitchen in order to be unnoticed."

"Yeah well,I don't care. I better get my money after all of this."

"You'll get your money when I get Jungkookie."

You fight down the urge to empty your stomach.

The steps keep getting further and further till you can't hear them anymore.

Jungkook takes a deep breath, relieved, and you snap your head to him, suddenly reminded of the situation you were in.

"Are you okay?" you ask him, pupils shaking as you examine his condition.

He leans on the wall of the hollow and props his leg under his other one to keep it steady. The fabric of his jeans is ripped in a horizontal line, revealing a hint of red.

Oh God.

You lift your shaking hands towards his thigh and experimentally touch it, earning a pained hiss from him.

"There's no bullet, don't worry," he says between breaths. "It barely grazed me. They were both obviously amateurs - the man even forgot to lock the car doors after we got in."

"He still shot you."

"I'm alright," he says and smiles reassuringly.

This time you don't hesitate and rip the fabric apart, catching him off guard.

"Ow...hey!"

"You said you were alright, didn't you?"

Taking a quick look, you notice a deep gash on his muscular thigh. It's not as deep as you thought it would be, but that still doesn't stop the blood from flowing.

Despite of all the chaos, panic and exhaustion, a surprising calmness has taken over you, making you focus on the task at hand with deep concentration.

Using your teeth and your bare hands, you tear apart a chunk of your loose tank top.

"Hey, what are doing?" Jungkook says, alarmed by your sudden action.

"Making sure you won't bleed out for the rest of the night."

"Why didn't you rip my shirt off?"

"I can't afford for you to get hypothermia. The wound will make your body heat drop faster than my grades from high-school."

He chuckles upon hearing that.

"How do you know all of this?"

"I've seen a lot of movies."

"And by the way," you continue, " are you willing to undress in front of me?"

"Anything for the ladies," he winks.

You just tighten the strip of cloth around his exposed thigh, brows scrunched up in concentration.

"You're surprisingly calm for someone who suffers from panic attacks," he says.

Your hands freeze.

You lift your eyes to stare at him, eyeing you suspiciously.

"How did you know?"

"I know everything about you," he answers and sweeps a look at you from head to toe.

You can't help the slight blush blooming on your cheeks, and the corners of your lips twitch.

"Well, we have been living for five years together, after all," you offer.

"It's not just that."

He looks at you through heavy-lidded eyes.

He was being bold.

He was being bold and straight-forward and you didn't know what to do about it.

The tension between you was thick and you could feel it.

It was because of the unusual situation you were both in, you supposed.

It hade made you both daring and impulsive.

As you tend to his wound, your fingers linger on the skin and he extends his hand towards yours.

The touch sends bolts of electricity piercing through you and you can't hide the slight tremor in your fingers.

"Y/N..."

You retract your hand and clear your throat.

"We better spend the night here. They might still be wandering around the forest, looking for us."

He nods and lowers his palms by his sides.

There's a deafening silence hanging in the air, broken only by the sound of far away thunder.

* * *

It had been raining for about some time now, but the hollow had proved to be a worthy shelter. There wasn't even a speck of water on the ground beneath you and you were grateful for that.

You had been drifting in and out of sleep, the exhaustion threatening to take over, but you forced your eyes open every time it happened. You had to guard Jungkook in case he got worse or those filthy bastards came back.

You throw a glance at him, leaning on the wall just a little further and you notice his teeth chattering.

He seems to have shrunk in himself, curled over like a ball, for as much as his leg would allow.

You approach him and put a hand on his forehead.

It's hot to the touch but he keeps shivering like a leaf in the wind.

This can't be good.

"Are you cold?" you ask him.

He nods.

You peek at his wound and notice that it has stopped bleeding.

It was just that the rain had lowered the temperatures considerably and that only made Jungkook's condition even worse.

You wish you could do something, but your clothes aren't exactly helping.

You were only wearing shorts and a ripped tank top, for Heaven's sake.

Having no other choice, you wrap him in your arms making an effort to share some body heat.

He doesn't object but only leans into your touch as your rub his arms and shoulders.

After some time, his teeth stop chattering, his body going back to its normal temperature, but he still doesn't let go, clinging onto you like a baby.

You wish you could stay like this forever, with him cradled into your arms like a second skin.

You play with his hair, twirling it in your finger and he doesn't miss the chance to capture your hand with his, intertwining your fingers.

The sudden action made your heart do a flip.

You loved him so much.

Yes, you finally admitted it.

You loved him like hell and the fact that it had taken you five years to understand it still remained a mystery.

You had once read a passage from a book which said that, sometimes, someone you had known all your life became no longer familiar to you, but strange in a marvelous way,as if you had discovered a beach you had been visiting all your life was made not of sand, but of diamonds that blinded you with their beauty.

Jungkook takes your hand into his lips and kisses it.

It's like butterflies encase your whole arm.

"What have you done to me?" you faintly whisper.

"I would like to ask you the same thing," he answers, staring at you intently.

His doe-like eyes sparkle in the darkness.

"You know that henna tattoo I made? It was for you, you know," you say.

He scowls, not quite understanding.

"You have galaxies in your eyes, Jeon Jungkook. And I've fallen deeply into them."

The smile that appears on his face brightens your whole vision.

There is nothing else, no one else but him right now.

He adjusts himself till he's sitting up and no one can prepare you for the words that leave his mouth as he embraces you, pulling you into his chest.

"I love you, Y/N."

#bts #bangtan #jungkook #jk #jungkookie #kookie #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #ot7

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