mom made me take my flea medicine......... i can't bear to even look at her anymore
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this bad boy can fit so much romanticization of my religious trauma *smacks rumi in the face for 7 damage*
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initial human me companions ranked worst to best (as in they’re the two you’re saddled with at the start of the game)
7. kaidan. no personality, useless in combat. virmire is his forever home.
6. cora. the other human female companion they failed by not making gay. romancing her is the creepiest thing ever (imagine falling in love with your dad’s female friend from work). barely edged out by liam for not having as interesting a loyalty quest. sorry andromeda, ilu.
5. liam. annoying twerp who constantly gets himself into trouble and has tons of trouble learning his lesson. saving graces are being useful in combat and that banger of a loyalty mission.
4. jacob. perfectly average person. actually has an interesting story, even if he’s not garrus-levels of engaging to carry it. people don’t like him, but i feel like he got hit by the preston garvey effect. 7/10 at worst.
3. ashley. look. i know she’s a space racist in the first part of the first game. BUT IT’S THE FIRST PART OF THE FIRST GAME. and arguably, that’s a good thing. it actually makes her interesting! you can almost see the gears turning to make her jump through her little racist hoops and justify her worldview, and it’s kinda interesting to see her actually realize that aliens aren’t always the enemy. she has an arc! an actual goddamn character arc! accept that! don’t cut it short on virmire! also kaidan makes a gross comment about samara if you let him live in 3! just saying!
2. vega. you never realize how much you like the big lug until you look back on him. solid in combat, he just wants to be a good soldier, he pushed me to my limits on that dang me3 dlc pull-up minigame... yeah. a real absence of wrong on vega. i’m as surprised as you are that he’s that high.
1. miranda. badass. greatly improved by not focusing on her butt (thanks, mele). fascinating character. literally brought shepard back from the dead. she needs to date jack. i loved watching “chuck” back in the 2000s. miranda’s objectively the best.
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One of the most memorable interactions was Saturday. Into our booth strolls a small family, tempted by free samples of freshly brewed tea. We chatter and give them the spiel, that the tea is character merch and we’re a cozy health-based app called Forage Friends.
The young girl zeroes in on our pride pins.
“They have my pin!” She says excitedly. “They have my flag!”
The dad blinks. He is surprised, but also calm and positive when he sees it’s the lesbian flag. “Oh. That’s… different from what you told me.”
“That was months ago, dad.” And she rolls her eyes. Definitely a teenager.
I turn to him and say, “Yeah, dad.” And we share a little laugh about it.
He says, “No, it’s great. That’s amazing, honey. It was just news to me.”
“Well, I guess I just decided to stop lying to myself. About liking guys. Like right now.”
A little lesbian just came out to her dad and he was super cool about it.
I’m standing there in my tie-dye mask and my cheery blue apron pouring tea and making small talk and I’m trying really hard not to cry or compare it to my experience, the fire & brimstone, the disgust, the conditional acceptance as long as I never bring it up.
So as this beautiful bonding is going on, the girl’s even younger brother turns his gaze around. He’s in a snorlax hoodie and bored and wants to go look at the swords across the hall. But on the other side of our booth….
“WHY DO PEOPLE DRAW THAT?” He asks loudly, and we all turn to our neighboring booth.
Our neighbors were extremely lovely people. Every time we had a break we would talk, and we became good friends over the weekend. They kept apologizing that their booth was next to ours and we kept repeating that it was totally fine. Their booth was great. I even bought their merchandise.
The thing that was so contentious, that they felt the need to apologize for, was that they were selling explicit titty hentai stickers of popular characters. They were censored with little yellow R18 labels but the content was very clear.
So back to the family: I freeze and immediately go somewhere else to let dad handle this question. With adult customers I’ve been loud and positive about our neighbors. (“Man, how has it been boothing next to them?” It’s been great! They bring a lot of foot traffic and they’re kind and wonderful professional neighbors. If anything it’s a fun juxtaposition. We believe in artistic freedom. I bought a sticker too!)
But this is a kid, it’s not my place to explain anything…. But I was extremely curious about what this chill dad would say.
“Well,” dad says with a long measured silence between each word. “Sometimes people are horny.”
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