#heart eyes howell you will always be famous

[amid-fandoms]

viewfinder vs real life

#his entire face just melted #bro was NOT drinking watermelon juice there was some hard love potion in that glass #dan and phil #dnp #daniel howell #amazingphil #phil lester #dan howell #heart eyes howell you will always be famous #my gifs

[cozyfoxy]

Mystical Paths Chapter 5

Summary: The Howells have been the proud owners of a small but famous bookstore since the 1800s. They are known for being the only shop that collects original copies of magic writings. Dan works as the bookkeeper of the shop. As the busiest season approaches, one of the most renowned magic families reaches out to the shop and offers to gift them an original Spellbook of sorts. Little did Dan know that these offers would change his life forever.

Warnings: Panic attack

Read on AO3

Chapter One

Dan grimaced at the soft buzzing in his ear. No, not buzzing, humming maybe? It was soothing for the most part, but his head was hurting, a dull rumbling ache. He sighed and moved a bit in his bed, not bothering to open his eyes to find the source of the sound. Sleep was the only thing in his mind, he wanted to sleep longer. The humming paused for only a moment before picking back up again, sounding a bit louder than before. Dan’s senses seemed to become stronger as he became more conscious. There was something cool on his forehead, it felt nice against the ache in his head. He could also smell something fruity and floral, it smelled warm and made his mouth water. He licked his dry lips quickly before willing his eyes to open.

After blinking a couple of times, everything came into focus. He was in his bed, tucked underneath his duvet like a child. Dan huffed to himself and looked out his window, the sky shrouded in grey clouds. His window was cracked, letting the cool autumn air wash away the stale air in his room. He grunted in pain as he sat up, holding the back of his head in annoyance. What happened to him? “Oh, good you’re awake.” A voice said, sounding close. Dan quickly looked around himself, feeling a bit disorientated. He didn’t see anyone. Was Phil talking to him in his head again?

“What’s happening?” the brunette asked the empty room, his voice sounding strained. “You fainted. I’m assuming you dreamed of Arthur, yes?” Phil asked calmly, walking carefully into Dan’s room. Dan blinked and shivered despite not feeling cold. He bit his lip and tried to focus his eyes on where he heard Phil’s voice, but he still saw no one. “I… how did you know that?” he heard himself whisper, whimpering at the pain in his throat. It felt like he was coming down with something. Suddenly, a hot mug of tea was in his hands. The steam floated up in his nose, helping him relax. Without overthinking it, he took a careful sip of the drink, sighing happily as its warmth coated his tender throat. It tasted heavenly, like the sweetest berries and honey.

“That tea will heal your mind, body, and soul. It’s my grandmother’s recipe, it’s always been my favorite.” Phil mumbled, watching happily as Dan’s body relaxed. “But to answer your question, I had the same reaction when I first had the dream. On the seventh of October, after my twenty-second birthday, I dreamed of James from Arthur’s viewpoint. It was terrifyingly real, and when I woke up… I realized I had a birthmark that looked a little too much like a mark that Arthur gave himself in my dream.”

Dan scowled in confusion, trying to focus on the mug of tea in his hand without any luck. Phil knew what had happened to him. Phil had to have caused this, magic wielders couldn’t be trusted after all. He quickly searched his room, still seeing no one. He was alone, talking to no one tangible. His mind was a mess of what-ifs and fear. Before Dan could fully realize what was happening to him, he began gasping for breath. His vision blurred slightly as tears burned in his eyes and his body began to ache just as much as his head. His heart pounded in his chest, sending rumbling, painful pulses through his ears. Dan shook from the inside, unable to control his tears. The mug that was clamped in his hands was suddenly gone, allowing him to wrap his arms around his knees. He remembered that he had fainted right before he was going to take a shower, he had passed out without clothes on. Yet, now he was wearing his favorite pair of sweatpants and fuzzy socks. He hadn’t done that.

“You… you saw me naked. Why ar-are you he-here?” Dan stammered through the rough sobs that tremored through his body. Phil bit his lip nervously, slowly fading into Dan’s bedroom. His heart pounded in fear, but he kneeled beside Dan’s bed anyway.

“Dan I didn’t see any part of you that I can’t see right now. I dressed you, yes, but I used my magic. I didn’t want to overstep.” Phil explained gently, “I… felt that you had fainted. Your mind just went black for a bit, it scared the hell out of me.” Dan swallowed thickly, looking to where he had heard Phil’s voice. For the first time, he saw the man behind the voice; and he couldn’t look away. It felt like time had frozen, like he and Phil were the only two people in the world. When their eyes met, it was like the sun rising over the line of the ocean, something that happened daily and would happen until the end of time.

“I…” Dan didn’t even know what he was going to say, his mind wouldn’t calm. His mouth wouldn’t cooperate with him. So, he just stared, open mouthed at the man beside him. Phil tilted his head to one side, raising an eyebrow, “I know you’re a little all over the place. You can ask me anything. I’m here to answer your questions.” he explained.

Dan swallowed thickly, nodding at Phil’s words, “Um… so, why did I dream about Arthur?”

A soft chuckle left Phil’s lips, “getting right down to business I see. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. To put it simply, we have met before, many times before actually.” “We’ve met like twice, and both times you were a fox… I sound like an idiot saying that outloud.” Dan whispered, shaking his head himself. He still couldn’t look away from Phil, no matter how hard he tried. It was like he was under a spell.

Phil smiled sheepishly and ran his fingers through his black fringe, “Well, yeah. But I’m talking about meeting in past lives Daniel. In your dream, Arthur promised to find you in another life, yes? Well… here we are.” Dan blinked slowly, his heart sinking down into his stomach. No, that couldn’t be true, could it? Past lives weren’t real. You got one life to fuck up, not multiple.

He laughed humorlessly, shooting a glare in Phil’s direction. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play here Lester, but it’s not funny. If anything, it’s just pissing me off. I hate when people try to mess with my head, I do that enough on my own. And I fucking hate magic! It does nothing but cause issues and hurt people, especially in the wrong hands. I know your family is a big deal and all, especially in the magical world, but that gives you no right to come into my life and try to manipulate me! Just get out… leave me the fuck alone.” Dan whimpered, tears burning in his eyes.

For less than a second, Phil’s blue eyes flickered to a complete yellow. It was so quick, that Dan wasn’t sure if it had been his imagination. Instead of moving away from Dan’s bed, he lifted a shaky hand to cup the younger man’s cheek, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb. He watched Dan’s shaking form wordlessly, digging through his mind for an answer to this reaction. He hadn’t expected this. “Shhh, it’s okay little dove. Please… just…” Phil sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the tip of his nose, “you may not believe me. But it’s true. The book, my journal, it can explain it better than I can. When you work again, you can read it and see.”

Dan shook his head jerkily, falling further onto his bed as sobs clawed through his chest, “I… I don’t want to go back to work! I don’t want to deal with that stupid fucking book and all of the rude customers! They look at me like I’m a fraud, they tell me my family isn’t worthy to have such a blessing from your family! I want things to go back to how they were Phil! Back when the shop was peaceful. I hate dreading going to work, when I used to look forward to it… I don’t want to go back.”

Phil froze, the realization of Dan’s feelings sending a tremor of pain through his own heart. Even the strongest people could only hold so much pressure. Dan had been holding a boulder over his head, and his arms finally snapped. How had he not realized? He thought he had prepared to save Dan from the fear, from the worry, but he failed. He had made it worse. “Oh Danny… I’m so sorry. I should've realized, but I didn’t. Look, this is an easy fix.” He explained, waving his hand in the air and mumbling a few words.

The journal appeared onto Dan’s bedside table with a small thub, making hims jump anxiously. He quickly looked into Phil’s eyes again, confusion clear on his face. His brows twisted together in a silent question. “The book has made your family plenty of money, yes? So, now it’s yours. And don’t worry, no one will remember it besides you and myself. You don’t have to dread work anymore.” Phil whispered, biting his lip tightly, a glare on his face.

“I… what? You can do that?” Dan whispered, wiping the last of his tears with the palm of his hand, “but, why? You went through all that trouble for nothing…”

Phil hummed and shook his head, “no, no. I did what I did for you. For your family. For myself. It was the best way that I could contact you, without scaring you away immediately. I know how you feel about magic, so I couldn’t exactly just appear on your doorstep and explain things to you.”

Suddenly, Phil stood up and looked towards Dan’s bedroom door, “I have to get going. I will come back if you want me to, but I really need you to read the book. Please, I just need you to understand. I need you to believe me. I… I need you.” he whispered, unable to keep his voice from breaking. “Let me know if you want me to come back.”

Dan moved to speak, but before he could, Phil had disappeared into thin air, leaving only a folded up piece of paper behind. Dan stood up on shaky legs, his mind running a million miles a minute, and he couldn’t keep up, he felt sick. He shook his head quickly and picked up the paper, unfolding it with nervous fingers.

“Dan, I was going to ask this of you while I was with you, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Until Tuesday morning, please, do not leave your home under any circumstance. I went ahead and stocked up your kitchen, so you will not need to leave for food. If you do need to leave, please, PLEASE call me. I know you might not understand, but it is for your safety and for my sanity. I wrote my number down for you so that you can text me if need be, I know you don’t like using magic for anything. The world around you will be perilous for the next few days, so stay inside. My family is keeping a lookout on your parents, they will be safe. Oh, and if anyone knocks on your door, or calls for you from outside, stay where you are and call me. Please. If nothing else, please listen to me now. I just want to protect you. I know you don’t believe what is happening, nor do you believe who we are, who I am, but I love you and I will NOT lose you again. Not this time. Much Love, Phil.

Dan closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, before adding the phone number from the paper to his phone begrudgingly. He might not trust Phil, but he didn’t trust magic even more. If Phil was warning him, then it definitely had something to do with magic. A sudden fluttering sound made Dan jump, bringing his attention to the now open journal on his bedside table. He groaned and walked over to the book weakly, looking at the title at the top of the page, “The Three Days of Darkness. Day 1, the dead come walking.”

#phan #phandom #amazingphil #dan and phil #phan fic #phanfiction #phan au #phan art #dan howell #dnpg #dnp #dnpgames #dnp art #dnp crafts #daniel howell #dip and pip #dan and phil gaming #youtuber

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Reality TV show Masterlist

A drop in the ocean (ao3) - ShippingFangirl26 (IceQueenJules26)

Summary: Dan had been ecstatic when his manager had informed him that strictly come dancing wanted him in the next season, until he found out HE would be there.

A Perfect Pair (ao3) - husbants

Summary: Dan, a struggling actor who works retail by day, and Phil, an ex-YouTuber-turned-porn-star, end up matched together on the new reality show, Perfect Pair.

a white-hot pride for you to see (ao3) - keeplovinanyway

Summary: There's different sorts of prides: quiet and personal, loud and happy - and there's the angry one, that makes you want to fight those who are the reason your life is so hard sometimes.

On the airplane aisle across from Phil is a homophobe who doesn't like him watching Queer Eye. So what if he has a little fun with this?

Famous Last Words (ao3) - potatoesarenotforsex

Summary: Dan is on his way, early in the morning, hope in his heart and trepidation in every step. He never expected to bump into a friendly stranger at the train station, nor could he ever have predicted how that boy would change his life. Friends, rivals and strangers join together for a reality tv experience that no one could have predicted.

How I Met My Boyfriend on Queer Eye (warning: super gay) (ao3) - danhoweiis, twoheadlights (fizzfic)

Summary: au where dan is a hero on queer eye and accidentally falls in love with one phil lester

If These Walls Could Talk (i hope they wouldn't say anything) (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Dan and Phil are both contestants on Love Island. There's an upcoming recoupling, but Dan doesn't know where Phil's head is at, and where they stand.

Phan - Survivor AU (ao3) - superbcandyangel (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil Lester is on Season X of Survivor, he meets Dan Howell.

Sidetracked (ao3) - phanimist

Summary: Dan and Phil are both contestants on 'The Bachelorette', but fall in love with each other instead of the girl.

Stirring in Love (ao3) - andthenshesaid-write (ladyknight1512)

Summary: When Phil applied to be a contestant on the Great British Bake Off he didn’t even expect to make the long-list, let along make it into the actual tent. But make it he does and there he meets Dan, a baker unlike Phil in every possible way. After a rocky start, Phil realises that maybe he can learn some things from Dan after all, and the biggest things have nothing to do with baking.

The Bachelor (deviantart) - unicyclingelephant

Summary: One Bachelor. 25 beautiful contestants. 1 chance at love.

The Island - yougetusedtonotknowing

Summary: Based on the TV show ‘The Island with Bear Grylls’ in which a group of ordinary people are challenged to survive on a deserted island for a month. Dan expects the rain, the hunger, the exhaustion, and the frustration. What he doesn’t expect, is friendship.

Total Drama YouTube (ao3) - ReallyPham

Summary: Inspired by the TV Show, Total Drama Island.

28 YouTubers have agreed to participate in the new TV Show, Total Drama YouTube where they'll have to do real life YouTube challenges and try to survive the cruel judgement of their fellow peers. They'll sacrifice it all just to win 1 Million Dollars on TOTAL DRAMA YOUTUBE!

You’re Poison (ao3)- DarkEyedDreamer

Summary:When Dan signed up for Big Brother he didn’t expect it to be that difficult. He always thought himself to be a level headed guy. But that was before he realized his arch enemy and former celebrity crush were both going to show up. Troye didn’t like bringing up the past. He always preferred to act like it didn’t exist. Things were a whole lot easier that way. But now he was going to be trapped with his past for the next three months, and all of a sudden pretending like nothing happened wasn’t going to work. With all the drama that young people seem to bring to the table, anything can happen. Adding in challenges and a chance to win $50,000? All bets are off. So who will be going home with the gold? And who will be causing the most drama along the way?

YouTuber Big Brother (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Twelve hopefuls are locked in a house together for up to a month, all battling it out to come out victorious and take home £100,000. All they have to do is survive the tasks, the rations, each other, and the all-seeing eye of Big Brother and the viewing public.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #tvshow #realitytvshow #realitytvshow masterlist

[aellynera]

The Best Years of Your Life (Reeves x Reader)

THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE

(hey hey, this is my other submission for @wasicskosgirl and her 800 follower celebration! and yes, you read that right - it’s REEVES. i had a lot of fun writing it and i hope you enjoy reading it! CONGRATS Amanda!!)

Word Count: um like 6200ish oops it was supposed to be a blurb

Summary: They say the best years of your life happen in high school, but what do they know?

Warnings: Some language. Female reader implied but no pronouns/description. Teenage angst. Adult wistfulness. Mostly fluffy tho. No promises about proofreading. Frog murder. 

with the prompt - “Like what you see?”

It all started back in high school. Sometimes you wonder how often people say that, and if it’s really true or they’re just falsely remembering how things happened because high school is supposed to be the best four years of your life.

But in this case, it’s true. Because high school is when you met Reeves.

Sophomore Year. High School. A Friday. 

It was the third day of sophomore year, fourth period on a Friday morning, your last before the lunch break. Biology class was maybe the one you were least looking forward to, not exclusively because of the required frog dissection, but pretty damn close. Gross. And you never understood why the school year didn’t just start on a Monday, but you were new here in San Diego. Maybe they just did things differently.

It was bad enough being the new kid. It was worse when you walked into class halfway through the lecture, even if it wasn’t your fault. The timing of the move was weird, and you’d spent most of the first two days, and this morning, doing placement tests and talking to your counselor. 

And now you were being called out in front of the entire class.

“Ah, there you are,” your teacher announced as you walked in the door. “Everyone, this is our new student, please make them feel welcome. You can sit over there.”

Your eyes followed as she motioned to the empty seat at the lab table in the back of the room. Suddenly you weren’t sure if your face felt hot because of embarrassment or because of the boy in the other chair.

Dark, curly hair cut close on the sides but longer on the top. Deep brown eyes framed by long, long lashes. Full, plush lips curling up into his cheek on one side. A nose that, okay, maybe might be a bit oversized but for some reason worked on his handsome face and--

Well, shit. Definitely not the embarrassment.

You shuffled your way to your seat and slid into it with your head down. A few students watched you curiously but soon turned their attention back to the lesson. You tried your best to focus on what was going on, to not look to your left at the distraction next to you.

You weren’t very successful.

By now you thought you’d sneaked enough covert glances to know that we was wearing a leather jacket, had a small diamond stud earring in his left ear, a bunch of silver-studded brown suede wrap bracelets around both wrists, a silver ring on his right index finger, and oddly precise handwriting as he took notes. In between relevant facts the teacher was sharing, he was doodling tiny music notes in the margins of his notebook.

And he totally caught you looking.

“Like what you see?” he leaned over and whispered.

Your mouth felt drier than the Sahara but also somehow so moist you were afraid you might have actually drooled on yourself. You should have opened your mouth to respond but your brain refused to make the connection. Probably for the best.

At least, at first. When it finally caught up to you, the only response your brain could provide was, “Maybe?”

Now would be the perfect time for the floor to swallow you whole.

He just winked at you and his attention went back to the doodles around his notes.

You shifted your gaze back to your own notebook, but you don’t know if anything else of importance was said, and don’t remember writing anything down. The bell ringing sharply pulled you back to reality and you hastily shoved your books in your backpack, ready to escape.

Just as you were about to leave, a voice called out. “Hey, sorry about earlier. If I freaked you out or anything.”

You looked up. He was smiling at you, a little shyly. You bit your lip, your brain and mouth still refusing to connect.

He stuck his hand out. “I’m Reeves. You’re new here?”

“Um…” you smacked yourself internally. This was ridiculous, you weren’t really shy, you knew how to have a conversation, he was just introducing himself. You were going to have a serious conversation with your brain later about proper communication techniques.

It felt like hours had passed, but you finally pulled yourself together enough to respond. “Yeah. My- my dad got transferred for work, we moved here like a week ago. He literally dragged the family across the country. I’m originally from New York City.”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, cool! I always wanted to go to New York City!”

You found yourself smiling back.

“Do you...wanna sit with me at lunch?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “Maybe you could tell me a little about the city? And...about you, since we’re gonna have to commit heinous acts of violence on an amphibian together? I’d like to know who’s wielding a scalpel next to me.”

The giggle that escaped your throat could not be contained. This boy - Reeves - was adorable. “Oh. Okay, yeah. I’d really like that.”

The Present.

Poor Lenny the Frog never stood a chance. Then again, neither did you.

To be fair, Lenny was already dead when you and Reeves got your hands on him. Well, when you got your hands on him, because for the full first half of that specific class period, Reeves refused to touch him and nearly turned as green as Lenny once was. That’s when he insisted on naming your cadaver, because somehow giving it a name made it easier to deal with.

You were pretty sure Reeves was nuts.

By the middle of sophomore year, you were dead too, but not for the same reasons.

By the middle of sophomore year, you weren’t sure how you were still alive, because every time he looked over at you and gave you a sly smile during class, gave you that look, you felt your heart go taut and you forgot how to breathe and certainly, rightfully, should have been dead.

Your friend Alexis stuck her head into your bathroom. “Hey, we’re just waiting on Vanessa, and then we’re good to go. Drinks first? The show doesn’t start until 8 so we have time.”

You glanced up from your makeup and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Alexis grinned. “Aaaaaah I’m so glad you agreed to go out tonight! It’s gonna be so much fun!”

“Oh, it’s gonna be something,” you muttered, going back to your eyeliner.

Alexis had been the first one to see the concert announcement about a week ago. A benefit show at one of the clubs down in Greenwich Village, some punk revival thing (for charity) with a bunch of different singers and musicians. Not normally your scene, but Alexis scanned through the names and suddenly remembered you’d known Reeves in high school. You said yes, he was in your class, and you’d been lab partners once. Vanessa squealed in excitement and Alexis announced you were going to the show. There was never any actual agreement.

Because of course Reeves was going to be there. And of course, you had to be too.

Junior Year. The Parking Lot. A Tuesday.

“I’m just saying, it was a ridiculous foul, and it should never have been called,” Reeves groused as you walked out of the gym.

“We also should have made like twenty more of our own foul shots,” you pointed out.

The Lake Howell Silverhawks had fallen to their arch-rivals in a somewhat glorious fashion. You didn’t even like basketball that much. But that didn’t really matter. The games were just an excuse to go out for burgers before and hang out with your friends during.

It was definitely an excuse to hang out with Reeves.

Junior year, you were both disappointed to find you didn’t have any classes together, but you still almost always ate lunch together. He’d come over to your house to study during the week and sometimes just to chill out on the weekends. Over the past year, he’d shown you all around the city and taken you to his favorite places. You told him all about New York, how you missed it and one day you’d go back, and all the famous sites and which ones were tourist traps that he was only allowed to visit the very first time and then never again.

You spent so much time together, even your mother liked to tease you about why he wasn’t your boyfriend.

It took a while for you to find the words to tell her it was because he was someone else’s.

As much as you liked to pretend she didn’t change anything, Randie Rustenberg changed everything. It was gradual, like a creeping vine of ivy, and she slowly took him over. There was no malice; it was just one of those things that happened. Reeves spent less time with you, his best friend, and more time with Randie, his girlfriend.

The girlfriend you desperately wished was you, because ever since that first biology class you’d had the biggest, stupidest crush on him.

Eventually you had a boyfriend of your own. Theo was a nice guy, he really was. Polite, friendly, had a good sense of humor, liked your family. And your family loved him. Your mother was so happy that you had a boyfriend, she seemed to forget to ask how Reeves was and if you’d seen him lately.

Of course you saw him. You saw him every day, in the cafeteria, at his locker, passing by in the halls. Sometimes you could find him playing the grand piano on the stage in the empty auditorium. Yes, if your mother bothered to ask, you saw Reeves all the time. Now it was just always with her.

Except this week. It was a break of sorts, no classes, just some sports and other school activities. Randie was on some trip with her parents for some kind of church function, and Theo was fishing with his dad on some lake up north. He’d told you where, but you honestly couldn’t be bothered to recall. So when a bunch of your friends and a bunch of his friends all said everyone was going to the basketball game, there was no debate.

As if there was any way you’d say no.

Sometime during the game, your friends wandered off to the snack bar and never ventured back. His friends started a game of hacky-sack under the bleachers. And you found yourself pretending to understand all the finer points about hoops strategy, cheering and yelling along with Reeves and having a great time, just like you used to.

“Where’d you park?” he asked as you left the gym and headed out into the sea of cars. You vaguely pointed in the direction of yours and he grinned. “Oh, good, I’m that way too. Come on, I’ll walk you.”

The faint glow emitted by the lampposts in the parking lot bounced off his curls and his eyes, when you could catch a glimpse, were bright beneath them.

As if there was any way you’d say no.

The walk wasn’t very far, but it felt like it was over in a second. You hadn’t said anything on the way, just soaked in the comfort of walking next to him as he kept commenting on the game.

He was waving his hands everywhere, looking at them as he talked as if his hand motions would make things make any more sense to you, in the middle of saying something about your center and how they needed to get better about blocking out when you finally spoke.

“Oh, shit.”

Reeves looked up at you. “What, you don’t agree?”

You dropped your bag on the ground and rolled your eyes. “No, my car is locked and I left my keys inside.” You pointed to the passenger seat. Your keys stared back at you derisively.

You both stared back at them for a moment, then he grinned. “Hang on, I got you.” He held up one finger and trotted off to his car, coming back a minute later with something in his hand. “This should take care of it.”

You took a step back. “Reeves? Um. Okay, why do you have a coat hanger in your car.”

He rolled his eyes back at you. “For emergencies, duh.” He quickly twisted the hanger into a hook shape and went to your passenger side window.

“And why do you know how to break into a car with said coat hanger?”

“Like I told you,” his tongue poked out between his teeth as he worked, “for emergencies. You think I haven’t locked my own keys in my car once or six times?”

“Did Randie teach you how to do this?” The words were out of your mouth before you could think. She probably had. She might have been churchy when required, but she was also responsible for about half of Reeves’s stints in detention (the other half just being him making the wrong joke at the wrong time and pissing a teacher off.)

Thank god he didn’t seem to hear you as he kept working at the lock. Finally you heard a *click* and he pumped a fist into the air with a little “yessss!”

And then you’re not really sure what happened. You bent down to pick up your bag and then you were standing up and Reeves’s face was literally about three inches away from yours and for the eight thousandth time since you’d know him, you forgot how to breathe.

Neither of you said anything for what felt like days. You just stared at each other under the dim halo of the parking lot lights.

“Here you go.” He took your hand and dropped your keys into it.

“Thanks,” you whispered.

“Like what you see?” the corners of his mouth quirked up, just the slightest little bit.

“...Maybe.”

And the staring recommenced. Were you two getting closer? Physically closer, you meant, of course you were close, you’d always been close. Well, at one time you were really close but then Randie Restenberg happened and it wasn’t fair that she got to know what those lips felt like and did he always smell this good or--

“Yo, Reeves!” A pickup truck full of guys skidded to a stop behind your car and one of his friends - Jake? Jack? you barely remembered your own name right now - stuck his head out the window. “Fight to the death ping pong tourney at Matt’s house! You in?”

Reeves bit his lip and closed his eyes for a second before he pulled back with a soft “I’m sorry” before turning to his friends. “Um, yeah, sure. Sounds brutal. I’ll meet you there.” 

The pickup sped off, tires screeching out of the parking lot. Reeves turned back to you, but you’d already gotten into your now unlocked car and started the engine.

You rolled down the window a fraction and gave him a weak smile. “Hey, um. Thanks for saving my butt. Now go kick theirs at ping pong, yeah?” Your face felt so hot, and for once you were grateful for the dim lights in the lot.

“You could, um, come along if- if you want.”

“Nah, I’m...I’m tired, I’m just gonna...um, head home. But I’ll see you tomorrow maybe?”

Reeves looked like he was about to say something else, but he didn’t. He just stepped onto the curb in front of your car, smiled, and raised his hand in a little wave as he watched you drive off.

The Present.

A series of shrieks and the slamming of the door told you Vanessa had finally arrived. It sounded like they were jumping up and down on the tile just inside your front door, which was ridiculous since you’d all just seen each other the day before. But typical.

You smoothed a pinkie under your eye, checked your makeup one final time, and went into the living room.

“Oh, you look hot,” Vanessa gushed. She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and plopped down on your couch. “Who are you trying to impress tonight?”

“Reeves, of course,” Alexis laughed, leaning on the kitchen counter. She sorted anything she might need from her big purse into a little evening bag as she talked. “You know we go to all his shows. And you know they went to high school together.”

You snorted. “That was a long time ago. I’m not even sure he’d remember me.”

Vanessa waggled her eyebrows. “You’re probably right, No offense, honey, but no one was that hot back in high school.”

He was, your brain supplied. Very helpful. You smiled wanly.

Vanessa continued. “But you were friends, right? You’ve never really talked about it. God, it must be so cool now to think that you were friends with Reeves back when he was an awkward high school teenager.”

“Reeves was never awkward,” you laugh. “It was kind of unfair.”

“But you totally had a crush on him,” Alexis offered.

Had? What do you mean, had? Oh my god, shut up, brain.

A pillow flew in your direction and you ducked as Vanessa giggled and Alexis rolled her eyes. “Come on, tell us something about him,” Vanessa goaded. “Wait. Was he, like, your prom date? That’s your secret! You totally went to prom with Reeves and you never told us!”

Senior Year. Prom. A Saturday.

The night was not supposed to go this way.

It was supposed to be limousines and corsages and dinner with dates and friends. It was supposed to be endless pictures while your mother told you how gorgeous you looked and how handsome he was and your father gave a thinly-veiled shovel talk about how he knew what happens on prom night and what would really happen if that actually happened. It was supposed to be punch and cookies and balloons. It was supposed to be dancing closer than the chaperones were comfortable with and kissing with tongue when they weren’t looking.

It was supposed to be the best night of your life. It was supposed to be fun.

Nowhere in your weeks of dreaming of this night did it involve sitting on a bench in the girls’ locker room, knees pulled up to your chest, while the party carried on in the gym just beyond.

It definitely didn’t involve crying.

The bass beats of the deejay and the harmony of laughter temporarily got louder as the locker room door opened, and then faded back into a muted thumping as the door closed again a second later. You could hear footsteps headed in your direction but before you could unfold yourself and wipe your tears away, a familiar voice called out.

“Hey, there you are!”

Being able to find the words to describe how he looked in his tux, his curls slightly tamed by some gel, the blue rose (of course it would be an off color, why would he pick something standard?) pinned to his lapel, his lopsided grin… Finding the words was nearly impossible.

Of course he would show up now. Because your night wasn’t already crappy enough and half the reason you were sitting there weeping instead of out there dancing was standing right in front of you.

You realized that wasn’t fair. It was probably more like, twenty-five percent of the reason, and it wasn’t his fault. But that didn’t make it any better.

“Why are you in the girls’ locker room, Reeves?” you sniffled.

He furrowed his eyebrows and his nose scrunched up in concern as he took in your mascara-streaked cheeks and puffy red eyes. “One of your friends said you came in here like half an hour ago and nobody’s seen you since. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Clearly not.” He sat down next to you. “Wanna talk about it?”

A deep, shaky sign left your chest. You didn’t really want to talk about how, earlier in the evening, you’d excused yourself to use the restroom and come back to the gym to find Theo dancing with...you didn’t remember her name, nor did you care. You didn’t mind that he was dancing with another girl, in theory, but it was another matter entirely when his hands were on her ass and she was sucking a deep purple mark into his neck. And he was laughing. 

A short, vicious argument ensued in the coat room after you’d cut in and dragged him off by the elbow. And it turned out that he’d been seeing whats-her-name for months, somehow, behind your back while pretending that everything was perfect with you. When he was supposedly visiting his grandparents? He was with her. When he had to work an extra shift? He was with her. When he got off the phone with you, saying he needed to get to bed early? He was calling her.

Prom wasn’t supposed to involve a very public break-up.

And things didn’t get any better when, deciding you needed something to drink, you went back into the gym and immediately saw Reeves and Randie, dancing cheek to cheek, arms snugly wrapped around each other as a soft, romantic song wafted through the air. Because of course he was with her. She was his girlfriend and Reeves wasn’t a detestable cheating asshole.

There was always another her.

You couldn’t handle it.

So you took off to somewhere almost guaranteed to be empty. You figured the locker room wasn’t really the kind of place kids would want to make out, and you were right. It was blessedly empty. Until now.

But you couldn’t tell him the second part, so you just went with the first. His eyes got wide as you blubbered through the sordid details of Theo being a complete and utter twat. Another quivery sob half-burst from you and Reeves got up. He grabbed a few paper towels from the dispenser and handed them to you as he sat back down.

“Thanks,” you hiccuped.

“I never liked him,” Reeves announced.

You found yourself choking on a huff of air. “What? Yes you did! Everybody loved him. That’s what makes it extra shitty.”

“Did you?”

“What?”

Reeves cocked his head and looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. “Did you love him?”

Your mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. Why did you always seem to forget how to make words when Reeves asked you questions?

“What?”

He shrugged. “Everyone else loved him. Did you?”

You used every last ounce of willpower you had to not jump up on that bench and shout that of course you didn’t love Theo, you idiot, because I love you.

That would not make this night any easier.

The next thing you knew, Reeves put an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest, hugging you soundly. He rested his cheek on the top of your head. “Doesn’t matter. You’re better off without him.”

You dabbed at your eyes. Nope, still couldn’t make words.

Minutes, hours, days. You had no idea how long you stayed like that, pressed to him and feeling him breathe beneath you. You no longer had any idea how long it had even been since everything crashed around you and he’d come to try and help you pick up the pieces. You just listened to his heartbeat, strong and steady, as the muffled music and joyful shouts of classmates went on past the closed door.

Finally he spoke again. “Hey, you wanna get one of those complimentary pictures?”

“What?” Oh, great. You were finally able to answer his question but you could still only come up with that one word? Stupid brain.

“Well, I…” he sat up straight and, after the briefest look into your eyes, he glanced away. Was he blushing? You weren’t sure. “I always kind of...I kind of thought we’d have a prom picture together. I mean, I just figured, y’know, we’d go with a bunch of friends, but I always hoped I’d get a picture with my best friend.”

The sniffles were back in an instant. Damn him. “Reeves, I...you really want to get a picture now? I look horrible, I can’t get a picture taken like this!”

He took the paper towel from your hand and gently dabbed at your cheeks. “You couldn’t look horrible if you tried. Come on, it’ll be fun. And just think how excited your mom will be when she gets a copy of it.”

Despite your best efforts, you had to laugh. “Okay.”

You headed to the photo area after you washed your face, Reeves helped you wipe off the stray streaks of mascara, and you reapplied just a bit of makeup to make yourself feel better. You were never sure what Reeves said to the photographer before the shots, but he seemed quite happy to take multiples. Reeves stayed pressed against your back with his arms down around your waist, hands clasped together in front of you, for each and every one.

At some point between the second and third shot, he leaned just a little closer into you and you suddenly felt his breath against your ear. “Like what you see?”

For maybe the first time that entire night, your face broke into a genuine smile. “Maybe.”

For a few minutes, your night was absolutely perfect.

The Present.

It was the greatest date that never was.

“No, Reeves was not my prom date,” you told your friends with a shake of your head.

You left out most of the other details, partly because you didn’t want to answer eight hundred questions from Vanessa and partly because, well, you just wanted those moments for yourself.

After the pictures, Reeves had asked if you would like to dance. Until then you didn’t realize it was possible for eyebrows to shoot that far up a person’s forehead, but yours were up for the challenge. You’d mumbled something about if Randie would mind, because you were sure she absolutely would, but he brushed it off. Randie had gone off with her friends when he came to find you, and he really wanted to dance with you, just one dance with his frog murder accomplice. And he said that with a straight face and a twinkle in his eye and there was no way you could refuse.

As if there was any way you’d say no.

One dance turned into two, and then several, until the girlfriend in question finally did show back up and Reeves was pulled away, leaving you with a soft smile and a mouthed “sorry”.

Definitely the greatest never-date.

After prom, life returned to what vaguely resembled normal. Your love life sucked and Reeves still had a girlfriend that wasn’t you, and you didn’t see him much. To be fair, the end of senior year and graduation did creep up pretty fast so there wasn’t a lot of time anyway. Graduation was there before you knew it; he cheered for you and you cheered for him as you each walked across the stage. You made brief appearances at each others’ graduation parties and talked a bit and then, once again before you knew what happened next, it was time to leave for college.

You went back to New York. Reeves stayed on the west coast.

And over the years, like so many other people before you and after you, you just fell out of touch.

“And anyway,” you asserted, “we were just kind of friends. Yeah, like I told Alexis before, we were lab partners sophomore year, and we hung out sometimes, but that was it. Really.”

Alexis snorted and Vanessa narrowed her eyes. “Mmmhmm.”

You threw the pillow back at her. “Mmmhmm.”

“All right, you two,” Alexis chided. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Somehow, you managed to get down to Greenwich Village without further interrogation and minimal shenanigans.

The Present. One Hour Later. Another Saturday Night.

The bar inside the club was pretty packed. Granted, it was a Saturday night down in The Village, so it wasn’t too uncommon, but you were honestly surprised that this many people showed up for a punk retrospective.

There were a few other relatively big-name acts you recognized on the bill, and a fair number of people were wearing t-shirts with Reeves’s most recent album cover on the front. There were even a few that had shirts with his face on it, which was frankly kind of weird.

“Looks like you’re not his only number one fan,” Vanessa smirked.

“I just enjoy his music,” you said off-handedly as you tried to flag down a bartender. “But anyway, tonight isn’t even about him. We’re just here to support charity, right?”

Alexis pretended to agree with you. “Right.”

You glared at both of them before turning your attention back to the bar. Yes, you came to every one of his shows in the area. When you had time. When you could take the night off. When you could rearrange your schedule and switch shifts at the last minute and promise favors to be able to attend them. When you maybe once or twice just called out sick because nothing else worked. So what.

They were really starting to get on your nerves. 

The bartender finally noticed you and took your order, and you looked around the club again while you waited.

Lots of people, ranging from just-allowed-to-buy-booze to mid-sixties businessmen. A few folks that looked to currently be in their golden years but were clearly once punks in their prime. Many people in black and chains and mohawks and neon hair and piercings, to the point where you honestly couldn’t tell who was a performer and who was a patron.

The one person you were looking for was the one that you couldn’t pick out of the crowd.

“He’s gotta be here somewhere!” Vanessa’s voice shouted from somewhere behind your shoulder.

“Vanessa, you’re getting a little weird about this,” you called back as you grabbed your drink and turned around.

“Like what you see?”

Eyes wide and mouth slightly hanging open, you almost dropped your full glass.

Vaguely, nearby, you heard the sound of glass shattering and shot a glance to your left. Alexis really had dropped her drink, and Vanessa was clutching onto her arm for dear life. She was holding her glass at a slightly odd angle and the contents were dripping onto one of her shoes.

The crowd silently pulsed backwards as one, clearing out around the four of you for a respectable distance. Several people watched curiously; surprisingly, they just stood back and stared instead of trying to get involved.

Reason Number One why you really couldn’t blame them: Reeves stood there, right in front of you. Literally less than two feet away, looking right at you. His mouth pulled up into his familiar lopsided grin, his hair still dark but shot through with strands of silver, curly on the top and shorter on the sides. His nose with the little dent, perfect on his face under those dark, luminous brown eyes and...holy shit, was he wearing eyeliner? He was wearing eyeliner.

Reason Number Two why you really couldn’t blame them: Leather pants. Under his old, faded t-shirt and black leather jacket (you were used to seeing him in brown, but you had to admit the black looked good) he was wearing leather pants.

Reason Number Three why you really couldn’t blame them: Quite simply, Reeves was standing in the middle of a bar in New York City and he was talking to you.

You blinked once, then twice. You may have blinked more times but all you could think about was the fact that, after all these years, your brain still couldn’t make words when Reeves asked you a question.

That same old question.

Suddenly you were grinning back, completely ignoring your friends and their dumbfounded squawking and sputtering next to you. You were smiling because even though your brain couldn’t make full sentences of words, it could pull one particular word out of the void and let it come out past your lips.

“Maybe.”

Reeves grinned fully now, his eyes lighting up and the crinkles at the corners deepening.

Someone - maybe Vanessa, maybe a total stranger, you couldn’t be sure - might have swooned from the sidelines.

“Always told you I wanted to come to New York,” he said.

“Always told you I’d go back.”

And the next thing you knew, the next thing that made any sense anywhere in your mind, was that Reeves had stepped forward, wrapped his arms around you, and placed the softest, sweetest, most heart-achingly gentle kiss on your lips.

You pulled away in a daze, felt the heat rising in your cheeks, as you heard a muffled choking sound halfway behind you. Definitely Vanessa.

Alexis and Vanessa’s eyes, already bugging out of their faces, nearly fell out of their sockets when Reeves turned to address them.

“Hey, ladies. I’ll come talk to you after the show, but for now, I just need to borrow your friend for a few minutes, okay?”

There were somehow still more bizarre, mostly inhuman noises that came out of your friends and even later, when they’d deny ever acting like that in front of a famous rock star (and rolled their eyes at you when you corrected them that he was a musician, not a rock star), it wouldn’t matter because you weren’t paying a single bit of attention to them them anyway.

You only had eyes for one person.

He took your hand and pulled you past the bar, into a little room in the back; the office, presumably. The second you were both inside, he wrapped his arms around your waist and looked you in the eyes. He just stared for a few minutes, or maybe hours, you weren’t sure.

It really didn’t matter.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?” he whispered.

“Third day of school, fourth period biology class, sophomore year?”

Reeves smiled softly. “The second you walked in that door.”

“Why didn’t you?” you tilted your head to look at him. Okay, to gaze into his eyes. You tilted your head to gaze into his eyes and your subconscious hoped to any gods that would listen that you did not have actual hearts or stars in your pupils.

Not that it really mattered.

His arms never left you but he gave a little shrug. “Never seemed to be the right time. And then I had a girlfriend.”

“Yeah,” you laughed. “And I ended up with that lame excuse for a boyfriend. But do you know how long I’ve wanted you to do that?”

“When you couldn’t stop staring at me when you sat down at the lab table next to me?”

“Hmmm, maybe. But definitely when you told the teacher we had to have a funeral for Lenny.”

“Hey, Lenny was a fuckin’ hero,” Reeves batted his eyes at you innocently. “He performed a brave and great service to his country.”

“I am oddly happy you’re still an idiot,” you giggled.

“I’m ecstatic that you kept coming to all my shows in the city.”

You pulled back slightly and looked at the ceiling. “You noticed?”

Reeves gave you that look. That look he always gave you, when you were teenagers, when you said something either completely ridiculous or completely profound. That look he gave you when he thought you might not be looking, even though you were always looking. That look that said he always had your back and you were his best friend. That look that you thought you’d be lucky to see one more time but probably never would.

That look.

“Of course I noticed. I thought about having security make you stay back, but that’s just...no. You always looked happy, and I don’t know...I just didn’t want to intrude, I guess? Just always wondered why you never stuck around after the shows, never stayed to talk to me, never came knocking on the dressing room door.”

You thought about that for a minute. You really did try, but you couldn’t come up with a decent answer. You were happy. Just seeing him was enough, you told yourself. Just hearing him sing was enough, just being in the same room with him, just being near. Just like it was back in high school.

Only it wasn’t high school anymore, and now that he’d finally, finally - after years of would’ve and should’ve and maybes - kissed you, you knew enough wasn’t going to be, well, enough.

So that’s what you told him.

And Reeves pulled you close, leaned in closer, and kissed you again.

You pulled apart, breathless again, and rested your foreheads together.

After minutes, or maybe days, or maybe hours, and definitely years - it didn’t really matter - Reeves was there. You were there. And for once, you were really there together.

“Like what you see?”

“...definitely.”

The Future. Any Day. Every Day.

You always thought, and your friends always said, that the best years of your life happened in high school. And to a certain extent, that was true and you believed in that notion for a very long time.

But ever since that night, that one glorious night in a Manhattan bar, you realized you were wrong.

The best years of your life were still happening.

~end~

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>>Join my taglist here<<

#reeves #reeves x reader #reeves x you #reeves 10 years #10 years fanfiction #reeves fanfiction #Amandas800 #wasicskogirl #my writing #writing challenge #writing prompts

[causticsunshine]

twenty questions

tagged by @are-you-quite-finished-giovanna thank you babe!! 🥰

1. why did you choose your url?

simply put i adore louis and i like purple and it just rolled off the tongue lol, but i also had a list of possible urls i also liked and i had to snatch this one up while i could!

2. any side blogs?

yes i have four....i'm not one of those 'everything goes on main and you can deal with it' type people.... but i have an inspiration blog @prickelndauge (art insp, lots of fashion, cool photography), an art-only blog @swmpwxtch, one just for spooky/creepy content because i'm really into horror manga and scary movies and that kind of stuff but i keep it off of main because i know a lot of it can often be triggering to others! (i also don't post much there but @bonepickng) and one for art references, life tips, random resources, and more donation sharing @am-ref!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

soooo long i thought i'd be gone by now tbh. i know i signed up in 2011 after just browsing the site through random blogs and tags for ages, but i didn't start actively using my own account until early 2012!

4. do you have a queue tag?

when i actually remember to tag things i have queued i'll use 'i'm sleep queue' because all my early morning posts everyday are queued....i am an insomniac rip

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

keeping up with my interests better! i was like 15/16 at the time so it made sense. back in Ye Olde Days much like now—i really have come full circle lmao—it was mostly just for 1d and then some random tv shows/franchises i just to see content of semi-often, as well as finding cool art!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

rn it's just a regular pic of louis! as much as i like using my collages or little edits as my icons, you can't see much of anything and it looks too busy sometimes (but also the photo i have rn....i am always thinking thoughts about it soooo)

7. why did you choose your header?

it's pretty! i wanted everything to follow a color scheme + i love embroidery and fancy gowns!

8. what's your post with the most notes?

ok i thought it was gonna be one of my old larry chibi doodles because i know a few of them hit 1k+ notes, but i deleted those in 2017 and apparently now it's this 6 year old like....funky photo study i did of dan howell from 2015 when i still watched him and amazingphil a lot?? i mean at least it's something i was once proud of lmao....there's a few art posts i have with semi decent notes that i pretend i Do Not See

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i think rn 40 something so not very many, although i unfollowed a lot of people i was moots with when i left my last fanbase so that's probably why 😬 i've been meaning to check out more HL/ot5 people though!! i love mutual interaction but i'm afraid of being annoying if i'm any degree of attentive

10. how many followers do you have?

overall i have almost 2.4k rn, but there's a decent amount that are totally inactive or at least don't interact with me so it feels like....a lot less lmao but since re-joining 1d i've already made up like all the people i lost when i left my other fanbase of almost three and more so thank you for actually liking my work and maybe me as well 🥺💗

11. how many ppl do you follow?

around 370 rn!

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

half of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is a shitpost fdngjkdf like my tags are bad enough lmao, no one needs to properly share the bs i have to say

13. how often do you use tumblr?

pretty regularly rn but there are times i'll go completely MIA depending on what i'm into/how busy i am!

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog?

in the past i have had some....issues with other people i've met on here but never directly had confrontation with them? most of the time that's happened i figure it's been one-sided though because i can get irritated with certain behavior really quickly—like i always say my heart is big and open but my bullshit tolerance is dangerously low—but when that's the case i'll just unfollow or block without saying anything?

although back in the day there was one instance (and seriously if anyone remembers this you deserve a medal because this shit was Ridiculous) where i kinda but not really called out another 1d fanartist who posted untagged noncon fanart they'd done of at least two of the boys, and then acted like it was no big deal (like. 1. those are irl people my dude and 2. untagged noncon art?? in front of my salad??) and their friends kept defending them for it and tried to come for me claiming i was a proponent of Purity Culture when i'm not and literally all i said in my post on it was that in my own opinion it was kinda fucked up to draw noncon art of real life people—not characters played by actors! but actual real people as themselves—in the first place, but if you felt the need to post highly triggering content like that the least you could do was tag it accordingly

but i think that was the last time properly so i guess times within this fanbase are still chaotic as ever just in a different way?

15. how do you feel about "you need to rb this" posts?

Annoyed™️ like don't guilt trip me over a post lmao i do what i want !!

16. do you like tag games?

YES i love to talk about myself after years of trying not to show any personality online out of fear of judgement dfjkngdf

17. do you like ask games?

yes! i want to do them more but i'm always afraid of reblogging one and then getting nothing and looking like a Fool :'(

18. which one of your mutuals is tumblr famous?

i guess i have a few moots that are kinda well-known or at least get good interaction within the community we're a part of? also isn't that phrase kind of an oxymoron at this point adfjkdf

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

not past platonic friendly affection lmao but honestly what is it like to have a realistic crush on an actual tangible person versus someone in the public eye who doesn't even know i exist.....it's been so long and i am so lonely please send help

20. tags?

@niallnailme @bolitodequeso @milkcurls @exzouis @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @got-my-devotion @aliensyndrome uhhh anyone who'd like to please consider yourself tagged by me! literally if there was an 'all my moots' button i'd just pick that lmao and as always no pressure/sorry if you've already done this and i haven't seen!

#twenty questions tag #tagged #oh geez that's me

[simsadventures]

First Love

High School Dean x High School! Plus size! Reader

Summary: Dean is the mysterious and sexy boy of your high school. And you’re just, you. But what if the playboy’s eyes shine only for you? Can you trust him?

Warnings: High School AU, fluff, slight angst, mentions of bullying, smut, protected sex, car sex (MUST BE 18+ TO READ THE PART BETWEEN WARNINGS)

Word Count: 3679

A/N: Both Dean and the reader are 18 for the sake of this story, so there is no underage sex nor anything like that (even though in most European countries the age of consent is around 15, I didn’t want to make anybody uncomfortable). Also changed the request slightly, because I didn’t think she would let him have her virginity just like that, so they both have some, although limited, experience.

This story was requested by my sweet @prettysourabbie, and I hope both she and you guys will enjoy this fluffy smuttiness. FEEDBACK is gold, you know the drill. Thank you for reading! xx Full request here: Hey beautiful! I saw that you have open request! Yayyy you are a bop of a writer! Can I request a High school Dean Winchester x high school plus size reader, where the reader is Garth younger sister and she really quirky and shy and dean starts catching feelings and takes her on a date and takes her virginity?? Fluff, smut, dorkyness haha I’m sorry this is so awkward turtle! ☺️💕🤘🏻

Dean Winchester Masterlist __ Masterlist

You heard whistles from somewhere behind you, but you didn’t bother to turn around. You knew the drill. Whenever somebody catcalled or whistled near you, it was never actually at you. It was either at one of your hot friends or some random chick walking down the corridors or streets. Not that you specifically minded. You weren’t a pet to come when somebody whistled. But, you thought, it would be nice if somebody actually found you attractive enough to show it.

Your ex-boyfriend, Max, was a great guy behind closed doors, he would adore you, braid your hair, play games with you, and such, but as soon as his friends were around him, he would act as if he didn’t know you. It broke your heart, and after a few weeks of suffering, you ended things with him.

Max acted all surprised, telling you that you were the best girl he’s met, but that was until one of his best friends called at him in front of the school, and Max ran towards them as if he wasn’t in the middle of a sentence. You knew you were better off without him, but it still stung.

The whistles could be heard again, and you sighed in frustration. You turned around from the book you were just reading, The Rise of Silas Lapham by William Dean Howells, and looked at the boy who was whistling like crazy.

Dean fracking Winchester.

He had a smirk plastered on his face, and when you finally turned around to face him, he wiggled his eyebrows and sent you an air-kiss. You looked around yourself, confused because Dean Winchester couldn’t be doing this at you. No fucking way.

But when you saw there was no girl in a 3-meter radius, you turned back at him, your brows high up on your forehead.

“That some kind of bet?” You hissed at him, not really wanting the other students around you to hear your conversation. You didn’t need to be embarrassed in front of the whole school. Again.

It was Dean’s turn to raise a brow.

“A bet, what are you getting at, doll? I thought you looked cute so I whistled. Easy as that,” Dean shrugged, and you rolled your eyes at him, before you shut your book with a thud, swiftly put it in your bag and walked towards Dean.

“First of all, catcalling doesn’t work on anyone, so you should maybe get up next time and actually tell a girl you like her. And secondly, we both know that a boy like you would never be interested in a girl like me, so stop pretending and stop being a dick. T’was nice talking to you, Dean, see you at class,” you mumbled as you stormed out of the study room.

Dean watched you leave, confused as hell as to why you’d think he was joking or playing some kind of games. You were the most real person at the school, and beautiful on top of that. Well, if catcalling wasn’t enough, Dean promised himself to think of something better to let you know just how interested in you he really was.

—-

Coming home, you slammed the door and huffed out a breath, falling on the nearest chair. You brother came out of his room hearing somebody was home, and when he saw you, he frowned.

“What happened to you?” Garth asked, worriedly watching your face.

“Nothing, it’s just… Why did nature give you such metabolism that you can eat a fucking country, and you still won’t gain an ounce, while I look at a pizza and I’m five pounds heavier? It’s just not fair, that’s all I’m saying. Maybe if I was thinner, boys would actually be interested in me and not just as a part of a bet,” you murmured under your breath, keeping your gaze glued to the pillow on your chest.

“Some fucker is playing games with you? Tell me which and I’ll beat the shit out of him, that’s why I’m your big bro!” Garth almost shouted, and you had to smile a little. He would always protect you, even though you were pretty sure you would be more successful in taking somebody down than Garth.

You still smiled up at your big brother and shook your head at him.

“I’m fine, Garth, trust me. Just a few more months and then I’m outta here. Brown is waiting and with that lots of new opportunities. I won’t have to hide anymore, because I’ll find real friends there, some that won’t judge me because I read too much or because I’m sometimes emotionally unavailable. Or because they think I’m fat. None of this will matter, and I seriously cannot wait to get out of this shithole and get the party started,” you laughed, and Garth joined you, sitting on the arm of the chair, kissing your hair.

“You’ll do great there, Y/N. And you’re not fat, you’re a woman. You know, I think the world needs more girls like you, not starving themselves just for some boys to like them. You are you, and I love you for it, and soon, there will be a guy who will love you unconditionally, I promise you that,” he whispered against the crown of your head and walked out fo the living room back to his den.

You sighed and stood up, walking towards the mirror on the wall, staring at yourself. You could see a lot of imperfections, sure, but you also saw a beautiful human being, and you knew that while here, at the small town high-school in the middle of Kansas, you were misplaced entirely, you would fit right in Rhode Island.

—-

Next day at school was going typically, you were smart in classes and alone in the hallways right to the lunch, where you once again sat by yourself. But you didn’t mind it, you could at least read your book and not be bothered by some petty drama, like which pink was more pink of the two pinks. You couldn’t roll your eyes harder even if you tried, hearing that conversation coming from behind you.

Suddenly, there was a commotion in front of you, and while you didn’t really care what happened, you still looked up aware that if somebody was fighting (which was very likely, considering the amount of testosterone coursing the young men blood systems) you wanted to be as far away as possible from that.

But looking up, you saw Dean Winchester, standing on one of the tables, looking around the room frantically, trying to find somebody. And then his eyes landed on you. He smirked and yelled.

“Y/N Y/L/N, I tried to do this yesterday, but you are one tough cookie, doll. So here I am, making a fool of myself in front of pretty much the whole school by yelling uncontrollably at somebody who is sooo not interested in me, but I gotta try anyway. Would you please, please go on a date with me? And before you say no, I just wanna warn you that I’m gonna stand here and yell until you actually agree on going out with me, so, please? Pretty please? Prettiest please?-“

You were pretty sure even your ass was red from the embarrassment, and to spare you at least some dignity, you just yelled a quick yes for god’s sake, and ran away from the room. What the hell was he thinking?

You got your answer pretty soon, because Dean followed you out of there, yelling your name as he ran.

“What?” You snapped at him when you were far enough from the canteen.

“Why do you keep doing this? I just wanna go out with you and spend some time with the most interesting girl in the whole town. Why do you keep pushing me away, Y/N?” Dean asked, and for a moment, you really believed the words he said. But then you remembered that while you were the one people laughed at, Dean was one of the most popular boys at school, with his charming smile and mysterious green eyes.

“Because I know you are making fun of me, Dean. Look, I know that a guy like you would never be interested in somebody like me, so I really don’t get what you’re getting out of this, you know?” You mumbled as you bit your lip, a habit you had whenever you were nervous.

Dean didn’t answer you, and when you looked at him, you saw him staring at your lip, licking his instinctively. Without another word, he swiped his thumb along your lips and freed the one you were biting, before he leaned in, and kissed you.

Your first reaction was to push him away, but the way his lips felt against yours, the velvety touch of skin on skin, and his hand finding its way to your waist, you couldn’t move. And a small part of you didn’t really want to walk away from that.

He didn’t deepen the kiss, he just stood there, kissing you, until you both needed some air.

You could feel yourself blushing, and before you knew it, you were biting your lips again. You could hear Dean growl before he whispered,

“If you keep doing that, I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself, doll.”

You gasped looking deep into his eyes, and he leaned in again, this time only kissing your cheek before he gave you one of his famous smiles.

“I’ll pick you up at 7, alright, pretty girl?”

All you could do was nod, and he didn’t push you to talk, probably because he knew what effect he had on girls. You always heard from your classmates how he made them swoon, and until now, you didn’t really understand why. Sure, he was a pretty boy, but damn those lips, they were to die for.

The evening couldn’t come soon enough.

—-

While there was still a nagging voice in your mind, that Dean wasn’t in it honestly, you tried to look your prettiest just in case he actually did mean it. You wore light flowery dress reaching above your knees, you curled your hair and even applied some make-up to look presentable. You checked yourself in a mirror, and even you had to say you didn’t look the worst.

Garth has been fretting like a mama bear since both your parents were out of time and this was officially your first date after your break-up with Max. He assured you like a million times that you looked lovely and that any guy would be lucky to have you.

When you heard a knock on the door, you wanted to go and open, but Garth was faster. He skipped through the living room to let Dean in, giving him the “big brother speech”. You rolled your eyes at that because seeing that even though 2 years younger, Dean was indisputably stronger than your brother. Hell, even a 5-year old girl was probably stronger than your brother.

But Dean listened to Garth carefully, and when Garth hissed something to Dean’s ear, you could even see Dean’s eyes going a little wider and him nodding in understanding at your brother. That made you chuckle and to spare Dean any other trauma, you pulled him out of the house, yelling at Garth that you’d probably be late.

Dean grabbed your hand in his and pulled you towards a classic-looking car, all shiny and polished.

“This is my Baby, well, technically, it’s my father’s, but he promised that the second he gets a new car, Baby will be mine, so…”

You squeezed his hand, still looking at Baby.

“Well, she’s a beaut, I totally get why you wanna keep her,” you said admiring his car. In return, Dean admired you.

“Do you know that you’re the first girl who actually likes her? All the other girls always tell me that I should get something nicer and more out of this time. I knew you were special, Y/N,” he smirked at you before opening the door for you to get in.

The night was beautiful, and the more time the two of you spent together, the more things in common you found. Despite Dean acting like a tough guy at school, he was a dork, in reality. A huge dork at that. He would tell you dad jokes until your stomach hurt, he would tell you all about his favourite rock bands, the majority of which you’ve never even heard, singing you his favourite bits.

In return, you talked to him about your favourite things, such as reading and writing, your slight obsession with Disney and Marvel, which he said he totally understood and told you that your second date would be a movie marathon.

It was well after all that that he asked you something personal.

“Why did you think I was making fun of you, Y/N? I just can’t understand that. You’re so beautiful, and I honestly thought you were out of my league, that’s why I never asked you out. You’re so damn smart, hella funny, and so hot that I have hard times not creaming my pants just looking at you in that dress. I just, is somebody making fun of you, or something?” He sounded so genuine, and his voice was so broken that you had to smile at him.

You caressed his cheek before you kissed his cheek.

“I thought you were out of my league, you know? And yeah, I’ve been having some issues with the barbies of the school, but nothing I can’t handle. I just thought it was another of their stupid jokes on me, you know? But getting to know you, I really misjudged you, Dean, and I’m sorry for that,” you whispered to his ear, and he visibly shuddered.

You bit your lip and looked at him, this time doing it 100% on purpose. And the reaction you wanted to see came very soon.

Dean almost leapt out of his own seat in Baby, capturing your lips with his, kissing you senseless. You could feel his hand on your naked leg, just being there and massaging little circles into your skin.

He deepened the kiss, not giving you the chance to get away from him even if you wanted. And you enjoyed every second of his dominant personality.

You grabbed the lapels of his jacket, pulling him impossibly closer to you.

When you both felt the need to breathe again, he only pulled an inch away from you, looking you deep in the eyes.

You could see it all in them. He looked at you like you were the only girl in this universe, and you believed him. You wanted him just as much as his lusty eyes wanted you.

You surprised him when you climbed out of your seat and opened the door to the backseat, laying on your back, and biting your lip, inviting Dean to join you.

His surprise didn’t last long, though. He couldn’t miss such an opportunity with the girl of his dreams, and he was glad there was a box of condoms hidden in the car. Not that he had that much experience, but his father made it very clear when Dean became 16, that a boy always needs condoms, just in case.

He jumped in the backseat behind you, his body laying on top of yours, and he claimed your lips again. There was more urgency this time, and while he was laying on top of you, trying to not crush you with this weight, you tugged at his clothes to finally get him naked.

It wasn’t like you’ve had too much experience in that area, but you knew what your body wanted, and you wouldn’t deprive it anymore. Not with Dean’s presence overwhelming your every sense.

He got the message, and so he was soon without a shirt, with his jeans around his ankles. He rolled your dress high, but before he could get past your stomach, you stopped his hand. He looked at you quizzically raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe, I should just leave the dress on tonight? You know, we don’t have to lose time by me getting all the way naked, and all,” you said, not looking at Dean.

He frowned at you before he took your chin between his fingers and he turned your head to face him.

“Don’t hide from me, Y/N. You’re beautiful, and I’m gonna prove it to you. And not only tonight. I wish our first time wasn’t in a car, because I can’t show you just how much I appreciate you and your body here, but I promise, next time I’ll devour all of your like I should because you’re the best girl. My girl,” Dean husked and bit your shoulder to prove his point.

And you didn’t protest anymore because his honest eyes wouldn’t let you.

Warnings: smut starting

Your dress went flying to the front of the car, just like your bra and your panties, and although you had the need to hide from Dean’s prying eyes, you didn’t want to ruin the moment. So you just laid there, palming his growing erection, and when you thought it couldn’t get any hotter, Dean dived in on your chest, sucking one of your nipples in his mouth, moaning as he went.

You arched your back, the pleasure overwhelming you, especially when you felt his right hand travelling further down your body until he found your wet core. He groaned at the feeling of your slick on his fingers, and he started to tease your clit, preparing you for him.

You managed to pull his member out of his boxer-briefs, gasping at the girth of him. Where you thought Max was pretty well equipped, Dean was packing, a lot. It was like comparing a sausage with an arm. For a second, you were worried how he’d even fit, but the longer he played with your pussy, the fewer worries you had. Your brain was turning into mush, and you were enjoying every second of it.  

Dean’s fingers pushed inside you, and you breathed out a low moan. Dean was breathing heavily, your soft hand on your dick was not helping his current situation. When you squeezed him especially hard, he moaned and bit your neck, licking it after, and sucking a hickey there, to show everybody you were his. Because there was no way in hell, he would let you get away after this.

“You want this, sweetheart? We can stop right now, no shame in that. I want you to feel comfortable with me,” Dean said breathily, and ceased his movement for a second.

But your hooded eyes with blown pupils and your puffed out lips were telling him all he needed to know.

“I know we can, but I really don’t wanna stop, Dean. Unless, of course, you want to stop, and in that case we totally can, no pressure,” you smiled at him sweetly, and he kissed you again, unable to keep to himself.

He didn’t say anything but rummaged the front seat before pulling a silver package in his hand, tearing it apart and getting the rubber on himself.

He looked at you once again, and you nodded, wordlessly, just wanting to feel him, finally.

He teased you for a moment, gathering the slick escaping your core before he slowly pushed in, letting you breathe out the slight discomfort of having somebody so think inside you. Once he was bottomed out, he waited before you raised your hips, signalling you were ready for a movement. And Dean obediently listened.

He withdrew from you before thrusting in again, repeating this motion before you were trembling underneath him. But it was a skilled slick of your clit that sent you over the edge, crying out his name loudly, your eyes squeezed shut.

Dean knew he would never see anything as pretty as you coming on his cock. And it was this sight in combination with your tight pussy that was his undoing. He came with a grunt, spilling inside the condom, and letting his sweaty forehead lean against yours.

Warning ending

“Well, that was something else, Y/N. How are you feeling?” Dean asked attentively, laying down next to you, cuddling you from behind.

“I couldn’t be better, Dean. Thank you for tonight, it is a night to remember,” you whispered, snuggling closer to his firm chest.

—

You woke up to the sound of four feet fluttering on the wooden floor of your bedroom. You could hear your husband’s heavy breathing, so you knew he was still deep asleep, and when you opened your eyes, you could see your 5-year old son and your 3-year old daughter staring back at you, mischievous grins plastered on their faces.

You smirked at them, and that was their undoing. They both squealed loudly, jumping on your bed and effectively waking their dad up.

“What are you doing here, you little monsters?” he rasped, catching his daughter in his arms and tickling her until she was screaming for mercy.

You laughed at their antiques and the way your son tried to save his little sister from the tickle monster.

“What are you laughing at, pretty lady? You think the tickle monster can’t get you too?” your husband asked you, and your children stopped what they were doing, looking at you, before they both jumped at you, while their father tickled the hell out of you.

“Stoooop, please,” you yelled, trying to shimmy out of bed.

“Oh, you’re not getting away that easily, m’lady. I told you on that first date that you were mine, and there is no way I’m letting you go,” Dean rasped at you, and while you were still laughing, you shook your head at your husband.

He promised to show you why he thought you were the best girl, and he has been doing that for the past 12 years. Your first love was indeed the best love.

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[scripts4dreamers]

Not Your Hero. Chapter 1

Prologue, Chapter two, Chapter three, Chapter four

AN: With the Victory Tour well underway, things are changing fast. 

Characters: Finnick Odair, Coriolanus Snow, Haymitch Abernathy, Chaff Mitchelle, Mags Flannagan 

Pairings: Finnick x reader

Spoiler(s): None

Warning(s): Mentions of blood, death, murder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, psychological manipulation, intimidation 

Prompt/Inspiration: Prom Queen - Molly Kate Kestner

--------------------

You pulled your legs up under your chin and tried to breathe slowly, closing your eyes and and praying that the motion of the train would be able to settle your stomach. However, with your eyes closed, you could see the faces of all the tributes you’d outlived all the clearer, projected larger than life on screens, with their grieving families underneath. You shuddered thinking about the sound one of the mothers in district nine had made; a sort of wail, loud and piercing, like her heart was being ripped from her chest right before your eyes. She’d been clutching two small children by their shoulders, twin girls, probably around nine or ten years old. They’d been crying too, but one of the girls had met your eye and the depth of despair you’d seen there had chilled you to the bone. Their brother was dead and you were not, that look said, and there was nothing you could do to make up for that.

Whatever confidence you’d had going in to the tour had evaporated by the time you’d reached district twelve and now, with district four coming up, you could feel yourself slowly unraveling. It wasn’t just the speeches, and facing the families of the fallen tributes, it was everything. It was the parties and the dinners and the interviews, it was seeing the highlights of your games recapped on every television screen twenty-four hours a day, it was the fact that the capitol was edging closer and closer and, for some reason, the closer it got, the more filled with dread you became.

If it wasn’t for the others, you weren’t sure what you’d have done. Because, of course, you weren’t alone in this. At each district, there were other victors to meet, people like you who knew what it took to survive the Hunger Games, and who had done this same trip themselves once. At first you hadn’t quite known what to think about them. It was strange meeting people you’d been seeing on TV for your entire life, even stranger considering you’d seen basically all of them murder other children. But, of course, they’d seen you do the same and, when Seeder Howell, Victor of the 30th Hunger Games, had pulled you into a hug and whispered that you would be alright, you’d found a glimmer of something you’d been looking for for months now; hope. It was such a relief to be understood again, to not have to explain yourself, and your limits, to everyone all the time, that you found yourself actually trying to make friends. Many of the victors were much older than you, of course, and not all of them had decided to join you once you left their district but, luckily, enough had so that the train didn’t seem empty and haunted anymore. At any given moment you might bump into Indigo Weaver, Alto Combe or even, if you were in the bar cart, the elusive Haymitch Abernathy. Your prep team were beside themselves. They’d never seen so many famous people in once place, they often squawked, wasn’t it just so exciting?

“Land ahoy!” Chaff, another victor from district 11 called out, his loud voice echoing through the carriage.

Your heart pinched and you pressed your face into your knees harder, forcing yourself to breathe slowly again. You were not looking forward to this, not at all. The face of the blonde boy flashed behind your eyes again and you bit back a whimper. These speeches had been hard enough when the tributes you were thanking were virtual strangers but now, with district four officially in sight, things were about to get a whole lot more personal.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Chaff asked, sitting down heavily next to you, “Not excited about the party they’re throwing for you?”

“Go away, Chaff,” you replied, trying to sound firm and failing miserably.

“No, I get it,” Chaff continued, as though you hadn’t spoken at all, “this one’s gonna be tough for you. You beat out one of their tributes in the finale, didn’t you?”

You looked up and glared at the older man, a move that may have been more effective if your eyes hadn’t been red and puffy from crying, and contemplated the merits of cussing him out or just ignoring him entirely. Chaff raised an eyebrow and you sighed, feeling your fragile attempts at indignation evaporate. James said you should try opening up more, that it would help in the long run and you liked Chaff. It didn’t make sense for you to bite his head off, not when he’d only ever tried to help.

“Both, actually,” you said, staring determinedly out of the window, “I killed the girl, and two of the other careers with an electrical device I made from bits of landmine and a current generator I got from a sponsor. But that was pretty early on. It was the boy I killed in the finale.”

It felt odd, talking about this with somebody. For so long you’d shut down any and all discussion about the games, not even daring to let yourself think about them for fear of triggering a panic but now, with the other victors’ constant encouragement, you were at least trying. It felt like pulling a deep thorn out of your arm; nearly unbearable at first but then, once it was out, there was a kind of relief, like maybe now you could start bandaging that particular wound.

Chaff nodded, like he understood and you realised, again, that he probably knew all of this already. He was just trying to get you to talk, to share with him, like everyone was always saying you should.

“Do you know his name?” He asked.

You nodded, “Boyd.” you said softly and then, as an afterthought, “He was eighteen.”

You weren’t sure why that was important exactly. Were you trying to absolve yourself? Was pointing out that this boy was nearly three years older than you were at the time supposed to justify what you’d done? Were you bragging? Or was there something else to it, a desire to make the blonde boy in your memory feel more like a real person, someone who had lived and breathed and dreamed. And died, at your hands.

“Mmm,” Chaff hummed, agreeing with you on whatever point it was you were trying to make, “they won’t blame you, you know?”

“Who?”

“The mentors. Finnick and Mags are good people, they won’t blame you for anything you did in the arena.” he explained.

You pressed your lips together and nodded tersely, “And the families?”

Chaff looked down at the stump where his left hand used to be and sighed, seemingly lost for words. He patted your knee comfortingly and stood.

“You’re gonna be alright, kid,” he promised, “you’ve just gotta keep yourself alive, that’s all anyone can ask.” he continued, cryptically, “You should probably go find your prep team. We’ll be arriving soon.”

“Okay,” you whispered, worrying at the inside of your cheek with your teeth.

Outside you could see trees and hills flashing by and, in the distance, a strip of blue reflecting the sun that must have been the ocean. You’d never seen it before, only the occasional crude imitation in the Hunger Games. The sight of it filled you with something like calm. The ocean had been there for billions of years, it had seen hundreds of billions of people come and go, swallowed their joys and sorrows alike and stayed exactly the same. Surely, if it could persist, you could too?

-----------------

Mags’ hands were rough. They pulled at Finnick’s hair hard, making him wince and reach up to see what it was she was doing.

“Stop,” Mags said, slapping his hand away, “I have to get rid of these knots before the cameras arrive.”

“Arrive?” Finnick laughed, “Mags, they’ve been here for two days already. It’s a little late for that.”

She rolled her eyes affectionately and stepped in front of Finnick, resting her hands on her hips expectantly. She was so small that, even with Finnick sitting down, Mags was just barely taller than him, but anyone who had met her knew that size was no true indication of power, and she had more than a little fight in her. Finnick looked down, thoroughly chastised by one look.

“Exactly, Mr Odair,” Mags explained, moving back to continue untangling his hair, “they’ve been here for two days and the poor girl hasn’t even arrived yet. Imagine the circus that’ll show up when they finally do get in.”

“There’s always press on a Victory Tour,” Finnick offered.

“I know, but this is a lot,” she countered, “even by your standards. It makes me nervous.” Mags faded into silence, letting the sound of the brush echo through Finnick’s empty bedroom for a while, lost in her own thoughts. “Poor thing,” she eventually muttered, mostly to herself, “turned sixteen in the arena, what a horrible way to celebrate.”

“Poor thing?” Finnick responded, with an incredulous laugh, “She killed both of our kids, you know?”

Mags waved him away, “Tsk, I know that. And they would have killed her if they could. That’s how the games work, Fin, we can’t blame her for being a better player.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest to ward off the sharp stab of guilt that thinking about Boyd and Ariel always brought on.

“I know,” he eventually relented, “I know that. I just-it’s so frustrating, sending them in every year only to watch them die, you know? I really thought we had a winner this year, and when Boyd got so far…” Finnick’s voice trailed off.

Mags nodded understandingly, though Finnick couldn’t see it, “Fifty-eight years I’ve been doing this,” she said simply, “I was a mentor for twenty before I brought home my first win,” she squeezed his shoulder comfortingly, “you’re young, it’ll happen. You’ve just got to keep trying.”

Finnick hummed noncommittally, thinking privately that there was no way he would survive losing another twenty-six tributes. Mags might be able to do it but, then again, she’d always been far, far stronger than him. Impulsively, Finnick reached back and grabbed Mags’ hand, resting his cheek against it like he was fourteen again.

“Oh, my dear boy,” Mags said, running her fingers through her hair, “we’ll be alright. It’s only a day. Soon they’ll all climb back into their dens and leave us alone for another six months.”

“But first we have to get through the tour,” Finnick pointed out.

She nodded, “First we have to get through the tour.”

------------------

Finnick smiled and counted to ten in his head, waiting patiently for the mayor of his district to finish the long, drawn out rambling he called a speech. Every year it was roughly the same; meaningless references to the Capitol’s generosity, the importance of the games, the valor of those who fought in them and his own, genuine joy at meeting [Insert whichever victor just won’s name here], a worthy champion. Finnick, the other victors and several important members of local government were clustered strategically near the base of the stairs in the Justice building so the crews of Capitol filmmakers could get shots of everyone individually, and as a group, waiting excitedly for the arrival of the newest victor. After skipping the ordeal that had been your public speech, and the mandatory quick trip to the beach every victor was entitled to, Finnick had been unable to wiggle his way out of this, the last event; a dinner hosted by the mayor in honor of you. It was sure to be horrendous.

While the mayor droned on and on and on (somewhere in roughly the middle of his speech Finnick predicted), Finnick leaned over to the two men standing to his left and slightly behind him, keeping his voice low.

“So, what’s she like?” he asked softly, “Is she as insufferable as they usually are.”

“She’s less insufferable than you are,” Haymitch answered, surprisingly less drunk than Finnick had expected him to be, “but, granted that’s a rather low bar.”

Finnick chuckled and shot a look at Chaff, who smiled slightly, but shrugged.

“She’s nice, I like her,” he said softly, “she’s got spirit but,” he winced, “you remember how it was just after your games. She’s got a lot to work through.”

“Group therapy with our drunk Uncle Chaff, you mean?” Finnick teased. Chaff shrugged again, which he took to be agreement, and continued, “I remember how that goes. Well then, maybe when it’s my turn to share in the Safety Circle I’ll ask her why she choked my tribute to death, that’ll be fun.”

Haymitch chuckled but Chaff shot him a dark look.

“Don’t make this harder on her, Odair” Chaff said, “lord knows this whole thing is unbearable enough as it is without you making an ass of yourself.”

Finnick gave him a look of mock outrage, “What? It’s a simple question! You’re telling me I can’t ask a simple question?”

“I mean it,” Chaff warned, “she’s been through hell and back, the last thing she needs is your bruised ego getting in the way of her recovery.”

“Ouch,” Finnick laughed, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Don’t worry, Chaff,” Haymitch interjected, “I’ve got no doubts in my mind that Finnick will like the new girl just fine.”

There must have been some sort of inside joke there, because Chaff chuckled.

“What?” Finnick asked, annoyed at being left out

“Oh, nothing. She’s an interesting girl,” Haymitch interjected, “let’s just say, it might be a little like looking in a mirror.”

“Doubtful,” Finnick retorted under his breath.

Even if the others had heard him, they didn’t have any time to respond because, right at that moment, Finnick heard the telltale phrase;

“A worthy champion.” signalling the end of the mayor’s speech, and the room burst into rapturous applause.

Finnick got his first glimpse of you at the top of the stairs and his breath hitched in his throat. Even from where he was standing, he could tell you were beautiful, the type of beautiful that doesn’t come around every day, the kind of beautiful that can’t be ignored, no matter how hard you try. A hush fell over the room as you made your descent, your beautiful black gown reflecting the light like the world’s most subtle and sophisticated disco ball. You smiled graciously at your audience, the perfect blend of confident and humble, even blowing a kiss to your mentor, Jason as you walked. Your eyes glanced, unseeing, in Finnick’s direction, and he felt his heart stutter just a little bit. Something on his face must’ve showed his surprise, because he heard Haymitch suppressing a laugh from behind his back and, flushed with embarrassment, Finnick forced his face back into its casual mask of amused indifference.

Okay, so you were attractive. That wasn’t unusual for a victor. It didn’t change anything, not really.

At least that’s what he told himself as his eyes clung to you, watching intently as you laughed at some horrendous joke the mayor made and, with every ounce of feigned surprise you could muster, consented to saying a few words to open the evening.

You stepped up to the mic and, for the first time, Finnick saw a glimmer of discomfort in your eyes. But before he could do much more than notice you had smoothed it away with another gracious smile.

“Hi,” You started with a breathy laugh, breaking the tension and endearing yourself to the audience from the start, “I promise I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to take a moment to thank Mayor Eluuicious and his government for organizing this beautiful event for me tonight. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all the effort you’ve all put in,”

“Well, we couldn’t pass up the chance to celebrate your sixteenth birthday with some proper flair,” the mayor joked, earning a rather more forced laugh from the crowd.

You acknowledged his words with a smile, but continued, “it’s been so lovely being here in district four, and I will be truly sad to say goodbye but,” you finished, “I’m not gone yet so let's party.”

You stepped off the staircase and were promptly engulfed by a crowd of people, all clambering to get pictures with you or to ask questions about your experience in the games. It was a dance Finnick knew well. Usually he would be off and finding a drink by now, scoping out the event from some corner where he knew he would be seen by everyone, including the cameras, just like he was supposed to, but something was making him feel off balance. It felt like he was fifteen again; shaky and unsure of himself, desperately hoping that no one could see how inexperienced he was.

“So, how screwed are you then?” Haymitch asked, appearing next to Finnick like a phantom, a full glass of clear liquid already clutched in his hand and a smug smile on his face.

Finnick growled, “Fuck off, Haymitch.” And stalked off, determined to regain some of his composure before someone who actually mattered noticed his awkwardness.

Before long, Finnick had downed two glasses of champagne, and was most of his way through a third, leaning casually against a pillar near the modest buffet table and watching your movements like a hawk. From what he could tell, you were good at this. Every movement you made was calculated without looking forced, every smile incandescent with happiness while still maintaining a distance and mystery to it, every phrase balanced and fair, treating all equally and showing favoritism towards none. Of course, the cameras ate it up, basically falling over themselves to talk to you, to get an exclusive clip or a photograph to take home to the Capitol, but Finnick didn’t care much about that. He was watching for the other moments, the brief flashes of reality that slipped through your carefully schooled features without you even meaning to. There weren’t many; an eye roll here, a subtle wink to Chaff or Jason there, clenching your fists whenever someone came too close, things like that. It was these that Finnick found so fascinating, and what kept him from trying his best to charm his way into an early exit.

He watched from afar as you gestured towards the food table, extracting yourself politely, but firmly from the mayor and three high ranking government officials. As you made your way towards the table, Finnick heard you exhale loudly and watched as the marks of exhaustion started to creep its way onto your face. You piled your plate high with mini meat pies and bits of deep fried fish, looking conspiratorially over your shoulder, as though to check that no one had followed you over. Finnick found the sight somewhere between endearing and frustrating, though he wasn’t sure why.

“Hey there, Y/N,” he called, stepping out of the shadows with his signature catlike grin, “bored of your adoring fans already?”

At the sound of his voice you jumped, clenching your fists and turning to face the attacker quickly, only to relax and let out a breathy sigh of relief when you saw who it was. Finnick felt a pinch of guilt at the look of shock on your face, but pushed it down and leant casually against the table.

“Finnick,” you breathed, pressing a hand to the base of your throat, “I didn’t see you there.”

“I can see that,” he replied, gesturing down at your plate of spilled food.

You glanced down at the mess and blushed, looking sheepishly over your shoulder at the crowd to see if anyone else had noticed. Up close Finnick was relieved to see that a lot of your radiance came from particularly good make up. While you were attractive, some might even say beautiful, it was in a softer, more realistic way, less harsh angles and overly white teeth and more actual sixteen year-old girl.

“Not the best introduction I guess,” you laughed nervously, fiddling with your dress, “I’m sorry we didn’t meet earlier, Mags was so complimentary about you.”

Something about you made Finnick feel unsettled, like the floor beneath him was sliding around and trying to trip him up. It was exciting, but also nerve-wracking, and totally not something he was used to. Part of him wanted to push, to see how much more thrilling and uncomfortable he could make it, the other just wanted to run and hide somewhere far away where you’d never be able to find him. The effect was disorienting but, being himself, Finnick leaned into it, letting the reckless portion of his mind take the wheel.

“Yeah, well, Mags is much braver than I am. You see,” Finnick continued sardonically, leaning in as though to tell you a secret, “I’m not quite done grieving the deaths of my two tributes. Didn’t feel up to a beach trip, I’m sure you understand.”

You pressed your lips together so they disappeared into a thin red line. Your face went blank instantly, hardening back into an expressionless mask as your bright Y/E/C eyes deadened, sending a shiver down Finnick’s spine. You didn’t seem much like a sixteen year old at that moment at all. The smiling, giggling girl had vanished, leaving a stranger in her place. This person seemed dangerous, this person seemed like the victor of the Hunger Games. There was a masochistic part of Finnick that liked seeing this more dangerous side of you. It was thrilling, and genuine and so much more interesting than the pleasantries and quibbling that usually happened on these trips.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” you said, devoid of any emotion, “excuse me.”

And with that, you stormed past him, knocking his arm hard with your shoulder as you passed.

“Ouch,” Finnick laughed, rubbing the spot where your bodies had connected.

If you heard at all you ignored him and he watched, with a slight sinking feeling, as you rejoined the party, your perfect smile firmly back in place as though nothing at all had happened. It took roughly eight seconds for Finnick to realise what an ass he’d just been and he sighed, swallowing hard past the disappointment he felt in himself.

“Why did I do that?” he asked himself softly, turning back to the buffet table and noticing, with another pang of guilt, your untouched food, “Ah, shit. Um, you there,” he gestured to one of the Capitol servers that he knew had arrived with the train.

The man scurried over, obviously holding in a minor freak-out at being addressed by Finnick Odair, “Yes, Mr Odair?”

“Can you-uh-can you make sure there’s some food ready for Miss Y/L/N when she gets back on the train?” Finnick asked, “Something tells me she won’t have much time for eating tonight.”

“Yes of course, right away Mr Odair.” The attendant nodded.

“Thank you,” he said, with a semi-distracted smile.

“Well that was nice of you,” Mags noted, appearing at Finnick’s side like a ghost, “what brought that on?”

Finnick shrugged and wrapped his arm around the small woman’s shoulders, kissing the top of her head, “Call it an olive branch. Or an apology.”

Mags raised her eyebrows at him, “Making friends fast as usual. Does this mean you want to sit this tour out and just join the others at the Capitol?”

Finnick thought for a moment, the sound of your laughter catching his ear as Chaff whispered something to you under his breath. The sound was light and clear, and made something in the pit of Finnick’s chest feel fluttery and delicate.

“Uh-no,” he said, ignoring the knowing look on Mags’ face, “no, let’s go with them. Just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” Mags asked.

“In case,” Finnick shrugged, “I don’t know, in case something good happens.”

“Okay,” Mags chuckled, “I’ll go get started on the packing.”

Finnick thanked her softly and then shoved his hands into his pockets, continuing to watch you from the sidelines. Eventually you looked up and met his eye, fear turning to confusion when he smiled gently and raised a hand in greeting. Hesitantly, you smiled back, your eyes still questioning his intentions, but Finnick took it. He still wasn’t sure about you. There was something just under the surface with you, close enough for him to sense, but still too deep down for him to identify that he wanted to reach.

“Well, you’ve intrigued me,” Finnick whispered to himself, “let’s see what happens next.”

--------------------------

Tag list: @i-love-you-green​, @heatherhollowayst​

#jordsie #jordsie writes #Not Your Hero #thg #the hunger games #the hunger games imagine #finnick odair #finnick #finnick x reader #finnick x you #finnick imagine #finnick odair imagine #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x you #catching fire imagine #catching fire #mockingjay #thg 2020 #the hunger games fanfiction #the hunger games aesthetic #finnick odair aesthetic

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 2

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,884 for this chapter (9,268 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

It's going to take a lot more than a couple of dissociative episodes between embarrassing himself on camera for Dan to, like, be comfortable with everything that hanging out with Phil might mean or might lead to, but he knows he has a bit of a habit of overthinking, so. He empties his entire suitcase onto the hotel bed and tries to find something suitably casual but cute, because he can admit that much to himself: he wants Phil to think he's cute.

Dan spends too long on his clothes, finally deciding on some ripped jeans and a striped jumper just as his alarm goes off. He eyes his hair in the mirror - he can either leave now and meet Phil on time, or he can straighten his hair and be half an hour late.

Shrugging at himself, Dan slips his phone and wallet into his bag. He doesn't care so much about his hobbit hair when he isn't going to be on camera.

--

"What is that," Dan deadpans.

"It's for vlogging," says Phil, waving the small camera around. He almost drops it and Dan steadies it. "Oops, thanks. Don't worry, I don't have to film you if you don't want, I just always need stock footage of Thor."

"For your endscreen," says Dan. He knows that, now.

Phil beams at him. God, those eyes are like a targeted attack without the barrier of his glasses. "Yeah! Anyway, hi!"

"Hi," Dan echoes, a smile tugging on his own lips. "I was promised a corgi, you know."

"I thought we could get coffee first," says Phil. He puts one of his hands in his jacket pocket, the other still clutching the vlogging camera. "I'm really bad at juggling my drinks and his lead."

"Fair enough. I'd drop everything, too."

When Phil laughs and turns to walk in the wrong direction, Dan allows himself a moment to just look before gently reminding him that the coffee shop is the other way.

Dan tracks the movement of Phil's hands as he talks about London so that he doesn't keep looking at his shoulders, his thighs. He's so expressive that he almost drops his camera twice more before Dan quietly takes it and stuffs it in his own backpack for safekeeping.

Phil looks good today in well-fitted black jeans and a bright red shirt under his denim jacket. There are pins on the pocket that Dan desperately wants to know the story behind. It all really makes Dan wish that he'd taken the time to pull the straighteners through his hair, but whatever. He thinks being late would have been worse.

"But you're from around here, right?" Phil says, interrupting his own tirade about the best tourist traps. "You know all this."

"Near Reading," says Dan. He holds the door of the café open, smirking when Phil almost keeps walking right by it. Phil sticks his tongue out. "I dunno, I didn't come to the city all that much. No friends and no money meant I just played RuneScape til my eyes bled."

"Oh my god, RuneScape," says Phil. "Talk about a blast from the past."

They chat about various websites they'd lost their teenage years to until it's time for them to order. Phil rolls his eyes when Dan hangs back, intending to pay for his own drink, and curls his fingers around Dan's wrist to drag him forward.

Dan is a little transfixed by the sight and feel of Phil's hand around him. The barista has to ask him four times what he wants, and he stammers it out like he's never spoken to another human being before.

Phil lets go of Dan to pay, chattering at the tired-looking barista until they smile, and Dan has to put his hands in his back pockets so he doesn't do something stupid like reach for Phil again. He doesn't even register that Phil has stopped talking to the barista and started talking to him again until Phil snaps his fingers in front of his nose.

"Uh, what?" Dan asks, blinking back to reality.

"You were on another planet," Phil laughs. He doesn't seem to mind much. "You wanna sit and talk or walk and talk?"

"Always sit," says Dan. "Unless you can lie down, I guess. Then lie down."

"I don't think they'll let us lie on the floor," Phil muses, taking their drinks from the counter with another bright smile at the workers. "But thank god, I didn't want to walk more than I have to."

Dan follows Phil to a table, feeling a bit like a lost puppy. "Then why did you offer, doofus?"

"Wanted you to think I was someone who walked just for the hell of it," says Phil. He's still smiling, it shouldn't even be allowed.

"I'd like you a lot less if you were," Dan jokes, stirring his macchiato absently. "I'm lazy as fuck, mate."

"Same," says Phil. "So how was BuzzFeed?"

"It was alright," Dan says, wincing. "They talked to us about memes from the show, kept calling us by nicknames we didn't consent to, and I swear they were just waiting for me to fuck up the whole time."

"Did you?"

"Not a lot," says Dan. "Just tripped. Didn't even fall."

With a quiet laugh, Phil raises his coffee cup. "Well, hello, let's celebrate that."

Dan snorts despite himself. He bops his disposable cup against Phil's and takes a long drink from it.

"How was your day, filming?"

The way Phil's face lights up when he gets to talk about making a video has Dan's heart doing double time. He talks to Dan about it with the same passion he'd talked about London, gesticulating a lot and smiling at Dan like he's the only person in the room. Dan hears everything Phil is saying but retains roughly zero of it, too busy looking at the way thin lines around Phil's eyes crinkle when he's happy.

"It's nothing too crazy," says Phil, as if Dan has any earthly idea what they're talking about. "But I always get so excited when I can do something more... I don't know, creative? Really put my master's to work."

"Your masters?" Dan asks, bewilderment knocking him back into the conversation. "Think it's a little early in the friendship to tell me about your BDSM shit."

Phil blinks at him and then laughs, loud, one hand coming up to cover his mouth. His blue-green-yellow eyes are sparkling as he looks at Dan like he's the funniest person in the world. "Oh my god, Dan, my master's degree. From uni. Where the hell does your mind come up with this stuff?"

"Pardon me," says Dan, "I need to go walk into traffic."

"So it's not just interviews you do this in," says Phil, still grinning. He gestures vaguely at Dan's entire being. "This is just... what you're like."

"Yeah," Dan says miserably.

"It's endearing," Phil assures him.

"So you have a master's degree," says Dan. He can feel the heat in his face, knows he's all red and patchy. He knows he looks and sounds ridiculous right now.

Thankfully, Phil allows him to change the subject with nothing more than a smirk. "I do, it's a post-production thing I spent way too much time on. You want to uni in Manchester, didn't you?"

"I did," Dan says, a little surprised by Phil knowing that. "I mean, I didn't finish uni, but I did go for a bit."

"I grew up near Manchester," says Phil, "so that kind of stuck out when I read up on you, because I was like, what if we had mutual friends back then? Went to the same parties? What if we passed each other on the street and I didn't know I was looking at someone who was gonna be famous? It was a whole, like, existential thing."

Dan's heart feels like it's going to burst, but he just laughs. "Me? Parties? Friends? Going outside? You're drastically overestimating my uni life."

"Guess so," Phil laughs.

Like it's second nature to keep the conversation going - and as a radio host slash YouTuber, it might be - Phil offers up stories from his own time at university and asks Dan a bunch of questions about everything under the sun. Dan barely has the presence of mind to answer them accurately, let alone ask any questions of his own, and it feels a bit like he's sitting for another interview. He doesn't mind much, though, because Phil listens so intently and is really good at jumping onto new conversation threads at points that feel right.

Before Dan knows it, their drinks are long empty. He could probably get another and just sit here and talk to Phil about video games for ten hours straight, but he doesn't want to give up the option of meeting Phil's dog.

They keep chatting while Phil leads the way to his place. Dan manages to think of some questions and ask them; Phil manages to get them hopelessly lost for a few minutes while trying to rattle off fifteen hamster names in a single breath.

Dan pretends to get a phone call when they reach Phil's stoop. He isn't sure he's emotionally prepared for being in AmazingPhil's flat, or Phil's flat for that matter, and he'd rather stand awkwardly on the pavement than deal with that. It's a narrow brick building, snug in the middle of a whole row of narrow brick buildings, and looking at it almost makes Dann feel claustrophobic after so many years in the boroughs of Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles.

He doesn't feel homesick for any of the places he'd couch-surfed or filmed in, exactly, but he does feel a little homesick for privacy from nosy neighbours. He feels like someone is watching him through their blinds right now, and knowing what he knows of the British elderly, there probably is.

All thoughts of America are thrown unceremoniously from Dan's mind when the blue front door swings open again and Phil reappears with Thor at his heels.

"Oh, look at you," Dan coos, his voice going into the soft one he reserves for cute animals and small children. He's crouching down before he can even remember giving his body the command, and Thor gives him a quizzical sort of head tilt.

"It's okay," says Phil. His voice is soft, too, way sweeter than Dan has heard it before. Dan wouldn't be opposed to hearing it more often. "Say hi, Thor."

As if he was waiting for Phil to give him the go-ahead - maybe he was, Dan doesn't know fuck about training dogs - Thor barks once and jumps up, putting his stumpy front legs on Dan's knees and allowing Dan to give him scritches. Dan's eyes well up a little bit and he chokes the tears back as he pets the soft, small, very good boy.

"Hello, oh my goodness, you're such a good, good boy, your fur is so soft and pretty and I would fall upon my sword to keep your tail wagging, do you understand me? Do you even know?"

"Oh, he knows," Phil says, fond. "Fall upon your sword?"

"I'm not even a little kidding," says Dan. He can't stop staring at Thor's puppy eyes and perked ears. "I'd legit die for this dog."

"Same, but he wouldn't even appreciate it," says Phil. He gives Thor's lead a tiny tug, and Thor yips, abandoning Dan to wind himself through Phil's long legs a couple times.

Dan grins like an idiot as he looks up at Phil, and Phil grins right back at him. It takes a moment before Dan realises that he's still crouched on the pavement and he's very much eye-level with -

He stands up so fast that he has to blink spots out of his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, totally," Dan stammers. He has no idea what they're talking about anymore. His brain has gotten tripped up on the idea of being on the floor in front of Phil like it's a record scratch. He's pretty sure that Phil can tell, there's no way it's not all over his flushed face right now, but Phil just laughs and lets Thor lead the way down the street.

"He's way better at navigating than me," says Phil. He sounds so casual. Dan is focusing on not walking into a lamppost. "And that's really good for some stuff, but he also brings me to the park when I'm trying to go to the shop."

"Right," says Dan.

"Oh, can you grab my camera?" Phil asks as if he's just remembered its existence.

"Yeah." Dan is thrilled to have a task that doesn't involve thinking about Phil's body more than he ought to be. He digs around in his bag and fiddles around with the settings on the camera while Thor takes a leak. "This is pretty cool. You want me to hold it for you?"

Phil grins. "You wanna film me?"

"That's not what I said, I -"

"Sure."

"- didn't mean - sure?"

"Sure," Phil repeats, tongue between his teeth as he smiles. "I don't usually have someone to help me out."

So Dan films some stock footage for the AmazingPhil endscreen, because that is what's become of his life, somehow. He gets a new perspective on Thor doing various dog things on the walk to the park, laughs every time Thor or Phil do something cute, and feels his heart start to swell more every time he sees Phil's answering smile.

As soon as they get to the dog park and take him off the lead, Thor is zooming off to bark with his friends. Dan keeps rolling and just turns the camera on Phil, who pulls a silly face.

"Is this what a day in the life of AmazingPhil is like?" Dan asks in his best announcer voice. Phil giggles.

"Honestly, no," says Phil. His hands are in his pockets and, despite a camera being on him, he isn't using his camera voice. It's all a very good look. "I stay home and answer emails until Thor forces me to stop working."

"I don't know if I could have a dog," Dan says. "I'm too fucking busy. Aren't you busy?"

"Gonna have to bleep that," says Phil, which Dan guesses is more as an aside to himself, since he doesn't pause for Dan to apologise. "Yeah, I'm really busy. Like. All the time. But I stopped being so careful for a little while, there, during some family stuff, and made a pretty impulsive decision or two. Thor was one of those, and I honestly don't regret it."

"Ooh, what else did you do? Get a tattoo? Join a cult?"

Phil winks. Tries to, anyway. He mostly just blinks a little out of sync like he's got something in his eye. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

The cackle that's surprised out of Dan is not at all an attractive sound, but it makes the happy crinkles around Phil's eyes deepen, so. Worth getting it on tape. He's not even sure that Phil will use this footage for anything.

Dan turns the camera off and slips it back into his backpack so he can fully focus on taking photos of various dogs on his phone. He and Phil migrate to a bench where they don't have to interact with any of the other dog parents milling around.

"God, I love dogs," says Dan.

Phil laughs at him but nods in agreement. "So do I. Well, I love basically all animals, but dogs are the best kind."

"Is it good, having Thor?" Dan asks. "Even though you're busy?"

"Yeah," says Phil. "I mean, do I wish I could give him more of my time? Of course. But having something else relying on me to function has forced me to take better care of myself. I couldn't keep working myself to the bone when I had this tiny thing who needed attention and, like, proper routine."

"They do say that having animals is good for your mental health," says Dan. "Maybe the routine thing is part of why."

"Not to mention the unconditional love." Phil grins and whistles over at a group of small dogs, who all perk up. "Thor, c'mere!"

Thor happily bounds over to them on his stout little legs, and Dan coos when Phil picks him up, sets him in Dan's lap. The dog seems fine with this development, giving Dan's nose a lick.

"Oh, hello," Dan breathes.

"What do you think?" asks Phil. "Is it worth turning down some work opportunities for this little dude?"

"Yes," says Dan. He's petting Thor and feels his eyes start to water when Thor lolls his tongue out in a goofy sort of grin. "Yeah, I mean - I personally still move around too much to get my own dog, but it makes sense for you. If I had a home base, maybe I'd consider it more seriously."

"Yeah," Phil agrees, sounding happy. Then he clears his throat. "Feel free to tell me off, but can I get a picture of the two of you? You're just so sweet with him."

"Course you can," says Dan. "Tag me on Instagram."

When he looks up from scratching Thor's ears, Dan is taken aback by the softness in Phil's expression. It's gone as soon as it appeared, fleeting, and Phil grins as he pulls out his phone. "I just figured you wouldn't want to, like, make this a public thing."

"I don't mind," says Dan.

There are some people who he probably would mind that for. Usually the same people who call him Dan even after he says not to. They just want to seem closer to him than they are in order to further their own agendas.

Phil isn't like that. Dan has known him for only a handful of days, but the man is so genuine in every interaction they've had that Dan doesn't feel like this is put on to gain some kind of audience.

It's fun and easy to let Phil take silly pictures of Dan, teary eyed with a dog in his lap. It's just as easy for Dan to take the phone out of his hand and snap a selfie of the three of them. And it's even easier still to take shots and short videos of Phil rolling around in the grass once Thor has had enough of sitting still. They go back and forth for what might be actual hours, training their phones on each other like they're just regular friends hanging out.

By the time Phil puts his phone away, Dan's stomach is grumbling loud enough for the whole park to hear.

Phil laughs, but it isn't a mean one. "C'mon, I should get Thor home, and you need to eat."

It isn't an invitation to keep hanging out, exactly, but it isn't a dismissal either. Dan is impressed by Phil's ability to walk a line like that, to keep his own feelings on the matter a complete mystery.

As much as Dan would love to spend the rest of the afternoon following Phil around like a puppy, he has to spend some time recharging or he'll hate himself tomorrow.

"Yeah, my leftover Domino's is calling my name," Dan says lightly. "Then I've got to prepare myself for the pure horror that will be tomorrow's interviews with teen magazines, what the fuck, I'm not a Jonas brother."

"Nice teen reference," Phil deadpans.

"Shut up," says Dan. He scratches Thor's little head, looking down at him so he doesn't have to look at Phil's reaction to his probably-desperate-sounding, "We've gotta do this again."

"We do," Phil says, all warm and happy in a way that makes Dan flush pink, bite his lip. "I had fun."

"Me too," Dan admits. He sticks his hands in his pockets so he doesn't reach for Phil, fidgeting with the inner fabric. "Like, a lot of fun. I don't get to do this a lot."

"I figured - and neither do I. Text me when you're done your interviews tomorrow, yeah?"

It's a good moment for them to hug again, probably, but Dan doesn't think he can handle that. The more time he spends around Phil, the harder it is to ignore how badly he wants to feel Phil pressed up against him.

With a promise to text and an awkward salute of a wave, Dan tries to walk away. He only gets a few feet when Phil calls, "Oi, Dan, hold up a second."

Okay, so he's not getting away without another hug after all. Dan takes a deep breath to brace himself before turning to Phil again. "Yeah?"

"You," says Phil, smiling wide, "still have my camera."

Dan narrowly avoids facepalming by digging in his backpack and muttering apologies. Phil just keeps smiling at him. When he takes the camera back, Phil's fingers brush against Dan's wrist in a way where Dan can't tell if it's intentional or not.

"Sorry," Dan says again.

"It's okay," says Phil. He bites his lip, just for a moment, and then waves with the hand holding Thor's lead. "See you around!"

--

Messaging Phil is the only thing that keeps Dan sane through the next few days of both print and filmed interviews, the same questions over and over, publications dying for a new tidbit of information so they can be the first to talk about it. Dan is used to all of that, at this point, but it doesn't make things any less repetitive.

Phil sends him photos of Thor and chatters about his own day and generally gives Dan something to look forward to. Dan doesn't think he's ever hit it off with someone so quickly.

Granted, Dan hasn't actively tried making new friends since uni. He's an adult now, which means he's got work friends and people he plays MMOs with and a bunch of acquaintances on his Facebook who can't wait to catch up whenever he's in town.

That's not the way this thing with Phil feels. It's just as easy as their day together had been, talking about everything under the sun between their various responsibilities.

They talk about movies and television and video games, where they find that they've got a lot in common; and they talk about music and books, where they find they don't have much overlap at all. But Phil listens to Dan's rant on why Janelle Monáe changed the concept album game and so Dan, in turn, lets Phil waffle on about Stephen King in the middle of the night.

The fact that he has trouble sleeping afterwards is entirely irrelevant.

Dan learns a lot about Phil over these days. Not all of it is good, but nothing makes the festering warmth in Dan's gut start to recede. He's got a crush, and it's getting worse by the day.

--

"What a cutie," is Jaime's opinion when she sees the photoset on AmazingThorgi that Dan has been tagged in, which includes six pictures of the two of them and Thor at the park.

"He takes crap selfies," Dan tells her in case she wants to snoop Phil's personal Insta.

Jaime quirks her thick eyebrows in a way that makes Dan feel wrong-footed, like she can see directly into his soul. "I meant the dog."

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #dnp fic #words words words #can't breathe when you touch my sleeve

[thatwriter-leahlolita]

Surely not?!

Summary: Avid fans of Dan and Phil have always dreampt of meeting their favourite YouTubers in person. Only a rare few get the opportunity. Never before though, has one (You, the reader) managed to bump into them repetitively.. as if it was fate?

Ship: Dan and Phil

-----------------------

Lately, you've felt tired. But of course that could easily be explained by the number of hours you've spent leaning over a maths textbook in confusion. Not only was it completely impossible to figure out what 'x' was, but in all honesty you couldn't care less. Your teacher is an ass and he has never helped you actually learn anything important in all the years of education you've had to face with him. It's all pointless, all of it!

Deciding this was a great time to attempt escape from another existential crisis, you clumber your legs out from under the kitchen table and stretch. In the living room, you could hear the sound of the television playing "Housewives of Somewhere Expensive". Deciding to save yourself from the horrific scenes that lied before you, should you dare to enter, you walk over to the fridge to grab some milk and make yourself a coffee. It's 6pm, but honestly any form of energy is highly welcomed at this point.

Unfortunately for you, there was no milk. You turn to the coffee pot to see, no coffee.

"Kannst Du Nitch~" You grumble softly under your breath. "Mum/Dad! There's no coffee or milk left!"

Your Mum/Dad, busy wasting their time watching crappy daytime television, yelled back, "Well go to the shop then, you've got legs!"

Grumbling, you stomp over to your Dan Howell Sad Boi hoodie and black converse shoes, and then make your way to the shops.

***

Dan was tired, and grumpy. He hated 6pm because it's always the time he looses energy and wants a nap. But clearly 6pm is too early for bed and too late to nap. His compromise is coffee.

"Where you going Dan?" Phil wined, turning away from the TV to look at him. "You promised you'd watch this with me."

"I will, but first: coffee." Dan waves his hand nonchalantly back at Phil as he makes his way to the kitchen. "Phil!"

Phil tuts, pausing his show. "Yes?"

"Where's the coffee?" Dan replied.

"Oh... yeah, about that..." Phil winced. "I finished it earlier and kind of forgot to get more."

"Well that's just great!" Dan sighed, now facing Phil as he stands in the door frame of the living room. "Come on then!"

"Come on what?" Phil whined.

"You can't expect me to go get coffee alone can you? This is your own doing Lester!" Dan demanded, chucking Phil his coat.

"Fine." He replied. "But we are finishing this episode when we get back!"

***

The shop was quiet, most people at home eating their dinner or watching TV together. The only noise that filmed the building was the beeping of scanners and rustling of shopping trolleys as people wheel them around the store.

(Y/N) was stood at the coffee isle, staring meekly at the coffee's in slight confusion. They was not usually much of a coffee drinker, at least not making it themselves at home. There is a LOT more range then they could have ever imagined... If it was up to (Y/N) they would pick any random one, but their Mum/Dad was a stickler for coffee and would grumble if they picked the wrong one.

A few more moments past, staring at the coffee types, before a strangely familar voiced peaked their attention.

"Listen Phil, I've told you this once and I'll tell you again, Svens Universe is not more of a priority than coffee. Yes, it's a tough choice but honestly, coffee will always win."

Could that be- No... surely not?!

The men themselves, Dan Howell and Phil Lester walk towards the coffee aisle in haste. (Y/N) had absolutely no idea what to do. Should they move to another aisle, smile and continue shopping? They were way too anxious to actually acknowledge them.

When they arrived at the coffee, (Y/N)'s heart stopped. They stared at the coffee for a moment, before Dan leaned over (Y/N) to grab a coffee from a higher shelf that (Y/N) could never possibly reach.

"Dan! You just leant right above that person!" Phil gasped, turning to you in haste. "I'm sorry about that, you see Dan here will probably murder someone for coffee if needed!"

You turn your head up to face Phil, who stood taller than you by a long shot. You then looked over towards Dan, who huffed at Phil, cradling his instant coffee.

Eventually, realising the situation in front of you, you manage a reply: "It's o-okay. I've been here a while struggling myself!" You laugh meekly.

Dan peaked interest in that moment, "Why's that? Need help grabbing something?"

You blush softly, "Well, no, not exactly. You see I have no idea which coffee to get.." you realise this is a wierd conversation to have with strangers, eventhough they surprisingly don't feel like strangers to you. "Nevermind."

"Oh well if that's the case, " Dan smiled. "Here you go!" He passes you the Starsucks brand coffee he's been cradling, and then grabs himself another from the shelf. "This is by far the greatest coffee I've ever had from here."

Phil retorted, "But of course that's his opinion, you don't have to get that one."

"No, I- Thankyou. That's a great help." You smiled, placing the coffe in your basket beside the fresh oat milk.

Dan stuck his tongue out at Phil, "They want it see, I'm always right!"

"Shut up Howell."

"Watch your tongue, Lester!" He retorts.

Standing in bewilderment, you stare at the clearly apparent lovers flirting with eachother right in front of your eyes. Eventually, Phil turns to you again and realises his placement right now.

"Sorry about him," He smiles. "He's cranky when he doesnt get his coffee. Hope you like yours though."

Dan agreed, "Yeah, bye~". Then he hurried over to the self serve counter to pay.

You stood their a few minutes longer, shocked by what just happened in front of you, before heading home to finally have your much delayed coffee break. The least that experience has taught you, is that Dan Howell has amazing taste in coffee.

***

A few days later, you decide since the new "Animal Crusing" has come out, you would go to the game store to pick it up. You would usually just order it online for preorder and anxiously wait for the delivery day to arrive. But in almost some kind of introverted people hate crime, they released the preorder for store pick ups only!

Arriving at the store, you see a long que. "Well, here we go." You grumble, falling into line in the que quietly. This is why it's better to stay at home, cosy and warm, and wait for the delivery man to deliver the goods.

When suddenly, a voice moaned in the distance. "See! Look at that que! Store pick up only, I mean, the makers of "Animal Crusing" must hate us. And why did we choose "GAMING" of all places to pick it up! This place is always busy."

"Phil honestly you always complain about stuff like this, would it kill you to que for a bit for a lifetime of fun?" Dan replied.

"Lifetime my butt!" Phil retorted. "I give it a few months before you loose interest."

"Absolutely no faith." Dan gasped fakingly, bringing a hand to his chest.

Again? How is this even possible?? You wonder, anxiously staring at the two famous YouTubers walking towards you for the second time this week.

They eventually join next in the que behind you, and you barely keep yourself calm as you feel the heat rising up your body. It's like an itch you can't scratch, knowing they are behind you watching your every move. It is scary, to say the least.

"This better go quick." Phil mumbled, kicking a stone on the floor with his shoe.

The stone rolled quickly across the floor and slammed abruptly against the back of your leg. It was small, so you barely felt it. But the awkwardness of the whole situation just took a much more dramatic turn.

"Oh my God!" Phil squeaked. Tapping your shoulder lightly.

You have no choice, he wants your attention. So you turn slowly and act innocent, listening to Phil grovel about how sorry he is for doing something stupid.

Then Dan spoke up, "Wait, aren't you coffee dude from the other day? When we went to get coffee from Bainsburies?"

"Oh, yeah. That's me." You smiled softly, hoping your eyes didn't give away how obvious it was that you knew WHO they were and that you was intensely aware that you saw them 3 days, 4 hours and 27 minutes ago in the coffee aisle in Bainsburies.

"Small world, huh?" Phil smiles. "Sorry again, though. I didn't mean to hit you."

"It's fine, I barely felt it anyways."

"So, you know what they say," Dan interupts, "Once a stranger, twice a friend."

"What now?" Phil quizzes confusingly. "I've never heard someone say that, ever."

Dan shoves Phil slightly, just enough to make him loose his balance slightly. "Anyway... I'm Dan, that loser on my left is Phil. Can I ask your name?"

"(Y/N). Nice to meet you both." You blush, realising that one way or another, Dan freaking Howell just called you his friend.

"You too!" Phil beams, pushing Dan back in revenge. "So you like Animal Crusing?"

"Yeah! I loved the mobile app version, but I've never played it on a real console yet so I'm super excited."

For as long as the que took to shorten, you three talked. About a lot of things. Boredom and a long que made you all relatively good friends by the end of it. And as a nice bonus, you all got the new Animal Crusing game. You was ecstatic. But this was now the end, you had to go home eventually.

But before you left, "Hey guys."

Dan and Phil turn to you, replying "Yeah?" in unison.

You gulp, breath in and out, and then said: "I have a confession." You continue, "I kind of know you guys already a little, as in I am a bit of a fan of your YouTube channels, yanoo."

They sigh, looking slightly releaved. Phil slapped your arm softly and smiled. "You scared us! I thought you was going to tell us that you were secretly stalking us for months or something!" Then he looked nervous, "Wait, you wasn't, was you?"

You laugh. "Of course not! But is that okay, me being your fan and all that?"

Dan smiled at you again and swished your hair out of place. "Of course its fine (Y/N). It was kind of obvious, you WAS literally wearing my merch when we met at Bainsburies the other day, and you seem genuinely kind. Why wouldn't we want a friend like that?"

".. Oh yeah." You laugh.

Your smile couldn't have reached further then that day. You exchanged contact with them, had one final chat, and then headed home.

------------------------

Thankyou all for reading. Hope you enjoy. If you have any requests I'm open to them!

#dan howell #daniel howell #phanfiction #phan #amazingphil #phil lester #reader #x reader #she #him #them #AU #cute #fanfic #fanfiction #writing

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 25

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count: 2.1k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Explicit

Updates will be every Sunday around 1pm EST

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | WATTPAD**

Phil doesn’t bring up the Instastory to Dan. He let’s Dan remain asleep on his chest even though his heart is beating so fast that surely, Dan can feel it under his head. Phil texted Martyn back saying that he definitely did not see it and it made him feel a bit sick. 

He didn’t want to believe that Dan did it on purpose. A part of him tells him that he hopes that Dan was messing around and went to delete it and posted it instead. But another part was punching his gut and telling him that Dan posted that photo to get a rise out of everyone. He wanted people to to be tense about this. 

For many people, seeing Spike on Dan’s instastory was probably not even weird. They just assumed that maybe Dan adopted a dog or he was with a dog for emotional support. Dan did mention sometimes in interviews that he would go to specialized places for emotional support animals and sometimes hold the dogs for a bit and play with them. Maybe people assumed the same. 

But for other people, the hardcore stans of Dan and some even of Phil, they would recognize Spike from Phil’s Twitter and Instagram. They would recognize his blue collar and his distinct markings on his fur. There is no mistaking that that is Spike in Dan’s photo. 

And furthermore, the headlines on social media definitely are saying the same. 

Was this why PJ and Gemma were acting so weird earlier? Had they seen the post and both just never told Phil? Did they assume that Phil approved to the post? 

Phil’s head was swimming and he was finding it hard to form his thoughts coherently. 

Dan woke up a little before midnight, rubbing his eyes a bit before sitting up and rolling off from Phil and kneeling onto the floor next to the couch as he woke up. He then stood up and Phil just smiled at him and Dan gave him a strange look as he pushed his hair back down into place from being matted up. 

“You okay?” Dan asks. “Did I crush you while I was sleeping? You could have shoved me off. I wouldn’t have minded.” 

“It’s nothing.” Phil realizes after he spoke that his voice is tight and constricted. 

Dan furrowed his brows. “Okay, well now I definitely know something is wrong so tell me what’s up.” 

Phil sighed. “Why did you do it, Dan?” 

Dan’s face fell and Phil watches as his eyes glassed over. “Do what?” 

“Post that story on your Instagram!” Phil doesn’t know when his voice decided to rise in volume but the way Dan flinched told him he definitely was on the verge of yelling. He didn’t want to yell. He was just upset. 

“Phil, I meant nothing by that!” Dan quickly pushed. “I posted it as just a stupid thing. I can delete it, I promise!” 

“Everyone has seen it Dan!” Phil countered. “The media has seen it. The fans have seen it. Everyone knows that that is my dog in that Instastory.” 

“Phil, I wasn’t thinking…” 

“We said we were going to be more careful so we could have our privacy!” Phil interrupted. “And you broke it by posting that!” 

Phil looked at Dan and watched as a stray tear fell down his cheek and suddenly, he felt awful and his heart felt even more strained that it before. He immediately slipped off from the couch and kneeled next to Dan. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan whispered. “I didn’t think…” 

“I know.” Phil said, reaching up and placing his hand gently on Dan’s cheek. “I’m sorry for getting upset.” 

Dan shook his head and removed Phil’s hand from his cheek. “No, don’t apologize. I was a dumbass. You can just tell me that straight up.” He let out a watery sigh and reached up, wiping the unshed tears from under his eyes. “I probably just a made a giant fucking mess and Marianne is gonna kill me.” 

Dan reached down and pulled his phone out of his pocket and let out a loud sigh. “35 missed calls, all from Marianne.” He stood up and ran his hand through his hair. “I have to call her back and make some phone calls. I need someplace quiet.” 

Phil nodded and looked up at him. “You can take my room.” 

Dan nodded and flashed him a smile but Phil could tell how much this was bothering him now that he was witnessing the implications of something he thought was going to be a simple post. 

Dan shut the door behind him to the bedroom and Phil never heard a word that was said by him to Marianne or anyone else he was talking to. During the time he was on the phone, Phil took a shower and then let out Spike for one more sleepy bathroom break to the courtyard. 

He doesn’t know truly when Dan got off from the phone because he fell asleep on the couch. However, when he wakes up a short time later to his back aching, he hears the sound of sobs coming from his bedroom and it alarms him enough to wake up fully and rush in there. 

Seeing Dan curled into a ball on his bed, still in his clothing, hugging Spike to his chest as he cried was one of the saddest sights Phil has ever seen in his lifetime. He rushes over to the bed and climbs in behind Dan and wraps his arms around his middle and holds him close. 

Dan eventually cries himself to sleep but Phil remains awake until his alarm goes off for work. 

***

When Phil leaves for work, Dan is still asleep, completely exhausted from crying the night before. Phil didn’t get a chance to talk to him before he left but he did kiss Dan’s cheek before he left and tried to ignore how it was still a bit damp. 

When he gets to the BBC, he has paparazzi waiting for him and ignores them by pulling the collar of his jacket up past his face and hiding as he flashes his badge and runs into the building. 

PJ is already at his desk like always and Phil feels himself feel a bit more relaxed seeing it was just PJ this time and not Gemma. Despite it feeling a bit tense, he did appreciate being alone with PJ. 

There is a silence crossing over the room for the first hour of their shift as they each worked silently, but finally PJ spoke up and broke that. “I saw the Instastory.” 

“I guessed.” Phil said. “According to the article I found online last night, they were estimating millions of people had seen it.” 

“Did Dan realize what he was doing?” 

“I don’t know, Peej.” Phil said. “Dan was extremely upset when I brought it up to him but I really don’t think he realized what was going to happen.” 

“But why did he do it?” PJ questioned. 

Phil shrugged. 

“What are you two going to do?” 

“I don’t know.” Phil said. “I simply do not know what the fuck is going to happen and I don’t know what the future holds anymore.” 

PJ’s eyes widened as he turned in his chair and faced Phil. “You’re really going to be like that after everything you and Dan have gone through?” 

Phil leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands. “I don’t know, PJ. I just don’t know.” 

“I’ve never seen you like this before.” PJ began. “I’ve never seen you so ready to just throw your hands up and walk away from something. You were so sure about Dan but you’re actually saying you’re not sure about the future anymore.” 

“Because I really don’t know anymore, PJ.” Phil comments. “I don’t even know if I want to be here anymore.” 

“Here?” PJ questions. 

“The BBC.” 

“What?” PJ’s voice is suddenly higher pitched, definitely taken aback by Phil’s clarification of what he meant. 

“I might quit.” 

“And, I’m sorry, but do what?” PJ presses. 

“I want to work on YouTube more. I’ve been neglecting my fans because of the drama and because of The BBC and I kind of just want to start fresh and focus all of my time there.” 

“Are you doing this because of Dan?” 

Phil looks at him, furrowing his brows. “No!” 

“Are you sure that you’re not just wanting to give up working here so you have the ability to…galavant…with Dan wherever you want to?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous!” 

“I’m just asking, Phil.” PJ said. “Because you should listen to what you’re telling me right now. You’re considering giving up your entire career here for something like YouTube!” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “I don’t need this talk today, PJ.” He let out a sigh. “I know how it looks. I do. But I’m not happy here. I want to be able to go back and do what I always wanted to and that is YouTube.” 

PJ just nods at him and folds his arms over his chest. He doesn’t say anything right away and Phil swallows down the knot that had formed in his throat. “I just want you to be happy, Phil.” 

“I know.” 

“You’re my best friend.” 

“I know.” 

Pj rolled his chair over to Phil’s desk and rested his hands on the edge of it. “I just don’t want you to end up doing something you regret.” 

PJ’s words stuck with Phil the rest of the day. 

I don’t want you to end up doing something you regret. 

Phil hoped he didn’t either. 

He managed to get back to his flat with no paparazzi and no one calling for him. When he went to unlock the door, it suddenly opened and Dan nearly ran into him, in a rush to get wherever he needed to be. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” 

“I have to head out to meet up with Marianne. She took the first flight available to London and she just arrived and it going to her London based office right now.” 

“Oh okay.” 

“I’ll be back before it’s too late tonight, hopefully.” Dan says. “I took Spike out and cleaned your bedroom a bit since I cried all over your sheets last night.” 

Dan’s face flushed at that and Phil just shook his head. “You didn’t need to do that.” 

“I wanted to.” Dan said. He looked down at his phone and sighed. “I’m running late so I have to go now. My car is picking me up.” 

“Good luck.” 

Dan’s lips crack up in a smile and leans forward, pressing their lips together gently. 

Phil pecks his lips and then moves back and lets Dan rush past him as he throws up his hood and rushes to his black cab and gets inside. 

Phil walks into his flat and gives Spike his well deserved attention and then finds his feet carrying him to the bedroom. He laughs a bit at seeing how Dan really did redress the bed but he found it so endearing and nice that he just falls onto the comforter and is lulled into a nap not long after. 

***

Something was buzzing in Phil’s hip bone and it wasn’t pleasant. In fact, Phil kind of wants it to stop. He pushes his hand under his thigh and reaches around until he feels the buzzing object and picks it up, bringing it up to his eye-level. 

7 Missed Calls from: Dan 

6 Missed Calls from: Martyn 

10 Missed Calls from: Mum 

2 Texts from: PJ 

Phil was confused. What the fuck? 

His reaction was to call Dan so he immediately called Dan back. 

“OH MY GOD PHIL! WHY WEREN’T YOU ANSWERING?” 

Phil sits up in bed, his heart racing. “What is happening? Are you okay?” 

Dan sniffles on the other side and Phil feels his heart fall out of his body. Dan was crying? What was happening. 

“Phil, it’s over.” 

“What’s over?” 

“Phil…I…go on Twitter.” Dan sniffles a bit on the other end. 

Phil quickly takes his phone away from his ear and puts Dan on speaker phone as he shakily presses his thumb against the Twitter app. He goes under the headlines and moments and he audibly gasps. 

“Daniel Howell Spotted Sharing a Sweet Kiss with Boyfriend in London”. 

Underneath, there is a picture of him and Dan kissing on the doorstep of the building of his flat. 

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #famous!dan #moviestar!dan #fluff #smut #angst #princesslexi763fics

[elleberquist6]

Play Upon Me Like This Piano - chapter forty-four

Summary: In many ways, Phil’s life is perfect: he loves his life in London, he has a wonderful brother and parents, and he has a great job as a radio DJ for BBC Radio One. There’s only one thing missing in his life… A rumor reaches an executive at the BBC about a talented local piano player named Daniel. The executive decides that Daniel would be the perfect guest on Phil’s radio show, so she sends Phil to speak with the evasive and mysterious piano player.

When they finally meet, Phil starts to think that he has found the person who will make his life complete. Unfortunately, Dan has a secret that will make getting close to him difficult.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 4951

Warnings: Smut

—

The Myth of Orpheus: The mythological tradition names Orpheus as the pre-eminent musician of the "Golden Age" of heroes. Orpheus' music and song are said to have been so enticing that they could charm the very birds from the trees, soothe Cerberus and bring the Furies to tears. Orpheus' parentage is unclear and though all sources agree his mother was the Muse of epic poetry, Calliope, there is dispute over the identity of his father… although it appears as though his mother and aunts taught him to sing and play the lyre.

Although one might not expect a famous musician to be a "hero" per se, Jason sought out Orpheus to join him and the other Argonauts in his quest to recover the Golden Fleece for King Pelias… Orpheus' sole weapon was his lyre, which he used to raise the spirits of his fellow Argonauts, and to charm fish from the sea as food for their long journey. Orpheus' most famous contribution to the quest was, however, his dealing with the Sirens.

The Sirens were three bird-women, who lived on an island meadow scattered with the bones of their numerous victims. These monsters would sing a seductive song to passing sailors, luring them onto jagged rocks where their ships would be wrecked and the mariners drown. When the Argo neared this island, Orpheus began to play his lyre and to sing an echoing song in order to confuse that of the Sirens, thus preventing the crew from being seduced into a shipwreck. [http://www.ancientgreece.com/s/GreekMyths/Orpheus/]

“How do I look?” Dan asked, straightening his tie as he stared at his reflection. Over his shoulder in the mirror, he saw Phil watching him intently and looking like he enjoyed what he saw.

“You look lovely,” Phil responded, and his voice had an odd intensity to it, which Dan had come to associate with arousal.

Noting this, Dan had to bite his lip to hide a pleased smile, and he also had to force down the stirring of his own arousal – this wasn’t the time for that, though it was good to know that he looked that good to Phil. Dan turned to face Phil with a flippant response, “You always say that about me. Even when I have a cold and look all gross.”

As Dan turned, Phil continued to unashamedly check him out. He responded, “Maybe I wasn’t just talking about your appearance.”

Dan blinked. “What?”

Phil’s gaze rested on Dan’s face. “Maybe I meant you’re beautiful, inside and out.”

“Oh.” Dan took a step closer to him, and his gaze dropped shyly to Phil’s shoes. They were very nice shoes, black and polished to a shine. The rest of his outfit was just as nice – a tailored black suit that was buttoned at Phil’s trim waist. Dan’s eyes traveled up Phil’s body, noting how nicely the suit fit across his broad shoulders. Phil was wearing a brilliant blue tie that almost perfectly matched the color of his eyes, and Dan reached out to fuss with it, as if to straighten it. Really, he had just needed a task to busy his hands.

Dan wasn’t sure why he felt so vulnerable and fragile right now – Phil knew how Dan felt about him. Luckily, Phil also knew him well enough that he didn’t question the odd way he was acting. Phil just waited to see what Dan wanted to say.

Eventually, Dan cleared his throat and told Phil, “This is a really nice tie. It makes your eyes pop.”

Phil glanced down at his tie. “Oh, thanks.”

With the intense eye contact broken, Dan felt a bit more confident, and before he lost it he blurted, “You’re lovely, too. The most amazing person I’ve ever known, both inside and out.”

As Phil looked up, he smiled and his eyes sparkled with it. He leaned in to give Dan a lingering kiss. When they pulled apart, Phil was still smiling, but a shadow seemed to have passed behind his eyes and Dan could tell that he was holding something back. “Phil?” he asked. “What is it?”

Phil shrugged. “I was just thinking about saying something while we’re on the topic of heartfelt and borderline cheesy confessions. So, I’ve decided I don’t like the phrase ‘falling in love’. I didn’t know that before you, since you’re my first love. Whenever I was with someone before you, I always waited for this inevitable moment where I… fell, but it never happened. And then I met you, and it was nothing like I had expected. I had butterflies in my stomach and my heart beat so fast that I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. I feel like I flew in love with you, if that makes sense.”

“A bit more than borderline cheesy,” Dan said with a laugh, but he leaned forward so that his forehead rested against Phil’s. “I know what you mean though. And I like that. It’s kind of appropriate actually.”

Phil blinked and his eyes were so close that Dan could see every fleck of yellow in the blue, and the glint sunlight on his ginger eyelashes. He asked, “Huh?”

“I was thinking of the sirens from old Greek myths,” Dan said. “They weren’t from the sea like sirens you see in pop culture today. They were birds. So, you see they didn’t swim, they soared. It’s kind of fitting then that you say I made your heart fly.”

Laughing, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, lifted his feet from the floor, and spun him in a circle in the air. Dan whooped in delight and held tight to Phil’s shoulders.

Dan had been raised around the supernatural, yet still it surprised him sometimes. Perhaps hypnotizing a roomful of people with a voice was a true feat of magic, but Dan couldn’t help being more impressed by what he saw now: a wedding party at a 5-star venue in full splendor, all arranged and organized in less than a month. He stood in the parking lot by the event, and the scene before him looked fit for an appearance in any wedding magazine. Dan shook his head.

Phil noticed the gesture and that Dan had stopped walking, and he nudged him with a shoulder. “What is it? You okay?”

“Yup.” Dan nodded and started walking in the direction of the wedding party again, eyes on a chain of white paper lanterns strung between two nearby beach houses, the lanterns swaying in the breeze. “I was just thinking about my mum. I mean, how did she do all this in such a short time? She must have used her talent. There’s no other explanation.”

As they were walking between the houses, almost at the beach now, Phil opened his mouth to respond. He didn’t get the chance.

“But of course there is,” said a familiar female voice.

They both turned, and Dan saw his mum walking down the back-porch staircase of one of the beach houses. She was dressed in a white sundress that looked designer with a string of pearls looped twice around her neck, and her brown hair hung loose around her shoulders in carefully-styled waves. Dan nervously met her eyes, thinking she might be annoyed by his comment. Instead, he saw that her brown eyes creased at the corners with wry amusement as she beamed at him. Reassured, he walked over to give her a hug in greeting, as he said, “It’s good to see you, Mum. You look beautiful.”

She hugged him tight enough to make his ribs creak. “Thank you, honey. And thank you so much for coming.”

As his mum released him from the hug, her hands stayed on his shoulders like she was reluctant to break the contact, and this made Dan feel a rush of warmth in his chest. This was the one person in the world whom he knew he shared blood with and touching her seemed to make the blood thrum in his veins. Looking at the emotion on her face, it seemed like she might be feeling the same thing.

It had been a while since he had last seen her, but as they stood there the time they spent apart fell away, and suddenly he felt like a kid again, safe and happy in the hands of his mother. She had always seemed so strong to him, and the impressive sight of the party today had only reinforced this. Dan nodded to Phil, who had been standing a couple feet to the side to give the family some privacy during their reunion. He told her, “Mum, this is Phil, my boyfriend.”

Surprisingly, Phil looked a bit nervous – his cheeks even got pink – but he composed himself after a second and nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Howell.”

“Please, if I’m going to call you Phil, then call me Monica.” She laughed and leaned forward to greet him with a friendly kiss on the cheek. “Besides, that’s not going to be my name for much longer. I’m about to be Mrs. Monticello.”

Dan glanced at the scene behind them and asked, “It looks amazing. How did you pull this together?”

“You mean without using my voice to hypnotize some hapless florists and bakers into getting free things fast?” She grinned at him. “Why, money. Of course, there’s nothing that can’t be easily acquired when money isn’t an issue – remember Nathaniel owns a vineyard? – and you can find good help.” She dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “My wedding planner, Fiona… now there’s a woman who must have supernatural talents. She’s the one who really organized this all, so she’s the one you should be impressed with. Oh! And speaking of, there is somewhere that I’m supposed to be right now. Fiona has a strict schedule for this party. She’s tiny, but scary, and I don’t want to get on her bad side.”

Dan laughed. “Don’t let me hold you up then. Go stand on your mark so this party can get started.”

She reached out to give his hand a squeeze. “Remember, you have a mark to stand on, too. I want my boy at my side when I get married, if you’re willing to do that for me.”

“Of course, Mum.” He returned the squeeze.

“Thanks, sweetie.” She laughed and dropped his hand. “I should go.”

“Yes, let’s avoid the wrath of the fearsome Fiona.”

Mum gave him one last smile before turning and hurrying in the direction of her party, nimbly navigating the path in her sparkly sandals.

Phil stepped closer, also watching her go. He commented, “She’s an interesting lady.”

Dan glanced at him. He had been so distracted by his own reunion that he hadn’t bothered to worry about the fact that his mum was meeting his boyfriend for the first time. Now he wondered, had they made a good impression on each other? Would they get along? As he looked at Phil, it seemed like the remark had been genuine. Everything had gone well.

Dan nodded. “She is. I’m glad you thought so. Um, are you ready to head over to the wedding?”

Phil smiled and took Dan’s hand as they followed the path that his mum had taken. Eventually, they stepped onto the beach, which had been carefully prepared for this event. It looked like the sand had been combed and evened as much as possible before the chairs, garlands of flowers, and archway had been placed here, all of which were a pure shade of white. The most vibrant color on display here was the vibrant blue of the ocean in the background, which was sparkling in the sunlight. It was breathtaking.

They had both paused a couple feet away from the chairs, looking around, but a man in a white suit rushed up to them and asked, “Bride or groom?”

As he gestured to the chairs – two groups on either side of the aisle – Dan realized that this man was an usher. Phil answered, “Bride.”

The usher started to lead them to two empty seats on what was apparently the section for the bride’s guests, but Dan said, “I’m actually the bride’s son. She said I’m supposed to stand with her, um, somewhere?”

As Dan scanned the crowd for his mum and some sign of where he was supposed to be, a woman overheard him and flew to his side. “There you are!” A short red-headed woman glared at him through her glasses, and he knew without introduction that this was the fearsome wedding planner. She beckoned him with an insistent gesture. “Follow me.”

After waving in farewell to Phil, who was following the usher to a chair, Dan turned to trail after Fiona as she walked brusquely. When she glanced over her shoulder to see that he was following, he smiled at her.

She shook her head before facing forward again, grumbling, “You know, you could have at least come to the rehearsal. This day would be much less chaotic if you had.”

“Sorry, I didn’t exactly get much notice about this wedding,” Dan said, bristling slightly.

Fiona snorted. “Tell me about it.” She stopped walking and turned to face him, looking less hostile – it seemed like she had decided to bond with him over the inconvenience of the hasty wedding. Her eyes flicked over him, and she nodded in approval. “Nice suit. I usually approve the outfits of those in the wedding party to make sure they look like a cohesive group. If I’d had a chance to approve yours, that’s exactly the kind of thing I would’ve hoped you would wear.”

Dan was wearing his white suit, which he thought made him look like a stormtrooper. His shoulders lifted slightly with the praise – it sounded like he had avoided the wedding planner’s wrath. Then, an arm looped through his. He glanced over, seeing his mum smiling at him.

“I told you my son would look nice,” she said to Fiona. Then she met Dan’s eyes and asked, “Ready to walk me down the aisle?”

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Let’s go.”

The reception was taking place only a short walk away from the beachside wedding – in the backyard of the beach house. Dan lost track of Phil during the walk to the reception, but he had a guess of where he might be. As most of the wedding party strolled over to pose for photos, listen to live music, or partake of the generous open bar supplied by Nathaniel’s vineyard, Dan headed in a different direction. The tables on the lawns, decorated with elaborate centerpieces and embossed name cards, were empty except for a few elderly people who sat down for a rest. Servers in bow ties flitted between the tables, carrying trays laden with hors d’oeuvres as they hurried in the direction of the guests.

Tucked in a corner away from the chaos of the party was a white cake adorned with frosted flowers, fondant ribbons, and the figurines of a bride and groom. Phil was standing before the cake, seeming to be admiring it. Dan crept closer, until he was right behind Phil without having attracted his attention. Then he whispered, “I thought I might find you here.”

Phil gasped and whirled around. “Don’t do that!”

“Do what?” Dan teased. “Catch you trying to sneak a taste of the cake?”

His cheeks got pink. “I wasn’t. I swear.”

“Sure, you weren’t…” Dan drawled, but he relented as he turned his attention to the frosted confection. The figurines on top had such a likeness to his mum and Nathaniel that they must have been custom-made – the bride had brown curls hanging loose around her shoulders, and the groom had salt-and-pepper in his beard.

Phil was also staring at the cake. Slowly, he asked, “Can you see yourself having one of these someday?” He hesitated as Dan’s wide eyes shifted to his face, but continued, “A party like this… the cake, the ceremony, and the vows?”

“Phil, are you asking me if I’d want to get married someday?” He was sure that was what Phil was asking, but he stalled by saying, “What made you ask that?”

Phil shrugged. “When I saw you standing by that arch with your mum while she made her vows. You looked so beautiful up there in your white suit… it made me wonder what you thought our future might be like.”

“Oh.” Dan looked at the cake again, this time picturing it with a figurine of himself and Phil atop it. After a moment, he answered, “It’s a terrifying thing to envision – standing in front of all those people, making those oaths, and starting a new chapter of my life tied to someone. It’s not something I ever thought I wanted for myself, but with you? I think it’s possible. You’re the only person in the world who I can see myself doing something like that with. You make me brave.”

“You make me brave, too.” Phil opened his mouth to say something else, but then his phone buzzed. Sighing, he extracted his phone from his pocket, and read the name displayed on the screen. “It’s my mum.”

“Answer it!”

“Now?” He gestured between them with the phone in his hand. “We were in the middle of something…”

“Yes!” Dan whined. “I’ll marry you someday, and when I do I’d like to be on good terms with my mother-in-law. Now, pick up the call before she gets voicemail!”

Smiling, Phil accepted the call, which was a video call. He put it on speaker phone and Kath’s face appeared on the screen. “Hey, mum! I’m here with Dan.”

She smiled and creases appeared at the corners of her eyes. Her voice came, small and tinny from the speaker, “Philip! And hi, Daniel! I was just calling to make sure that your flight went safely.”

“Hi, Kath!” Dan said with a wave.

“We’re fine, as you can see,” Phil assured her. “The flight was great, and we made it in time for the wedding. Everything is going great. And I promise to buy you some nice American candy while I’m here!”

She laughed. “You might buy it, but I’m sure you’ll eat it before you get a chance to give it to me. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts!”

He opened his mouth to defend himself, but he was surprised to see Dan’s mum had approached them. She was grinning wide and grabbed the phone from Phil’s hand. Dan’s mum said, “Hi, is this Phil’s mother? I’m Monica. I thought I should introduce myself because based on what I just overheard, we might be in-laws someday.”

There was a pause before Kath said in an inscrutable voice, “Oh?”

Phil exchanged a look with Dan, who appeared apologetic. As Phil sorted through his own emotions, he just shrugged and decided to see what would happen next, as their mothers continued chatting on the phone. This might be entertaining…

“I’m Dan’s mum,” she said by way of explanation to Kath. “The boys came here for my wedding. Did they tell you that?”

“Yes, they did.” Kath was speaking in a firm voice, which she always used when trying to get her way. “Now, what was this you were saying about another wedding?”

“Oh, are you interested in weddings? Let me tell you about mine. Everything has gone perfectly today! The ice sculpture is stunning, the sun is shining, and the flowers are absolutely amazing. There are white roses everywhere. The centerpieces are so beautiful. Let me show you one!” Monica wandered off in the direction of an empty table where a centerpiece was resting.

Phil blinked. “I’ve never seen someone deflect my mum like that before.”

“My mum has a talent for deflection,” Dan said with a sigh. Then as he watched his mum in the distance, rambling without pausing to take a breath despite Kath’s attempts to cut in, he couldn’t help laughing.

Phil joined in with the laughter, his blue eyes sparkling. When their laughter died down, Phil nodded to the microphone and speakers mounted on a small stage on the corner of the lawn. He asked, “Are you going to perform soon?”

Dan nodded and checked the time on his phone. “Yeah, I’m supposed sing in a moment.” He shot Phil a worried glance. “When my mom asked me to sing for her, I didn’t explain the choice I’ve made to use my real voice. What if she hates it? What if she doesn’t like the choice I’ve made for myself?”

“Dan, I’ve heard you practice this song for today.” He took Dan by the shoulders and squeezed gently. “Your voice is beautiful and your mum is going to be proud of you. I promise.”

Dan swallowed heavily before nodding. Then he smiled and said, “Thanks, Phil. For always believing in me.”

Dan glanced at the stage and sucked in a steady breath. There was a small orchestra playing, just a half dozen people performing relaxing background music for the people strolling around the yard, chatting with cocktails in hand. The orchestra seemed to be wrapping up the piece they were performing, and this seemed like the perfect moment to go over. Mum had already made the arrangements, so the orchestra knew that Dan would be performing, and even what song he would be doing so they could accompany them. There was nothing holding him back.

Dan locked eyes with Phil, finding his courage in the ocean eyes. He said, “I’m ready. Let’s go.” They pushed through the crowd of guests until they made it to the stage, where the orchestra had just wrapped up a song and were organizing their sheet music before the next one. Dan addressed a cellist near the edge of the stage, “Hi, I’m the bride’s son? She said she would like me to sing a song? Is this a good time?”

“Ah! You must be Daniel.” The cellist got up from his chair to carry a mic stand to the center of the stage, which he then raised to Dan’s height.

Phil took Dan’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. He whispered, “You’re going to be great.”

Dan gave the hand a squeeze in thanks before releasing it and climbing onto the stage. He was breathing in slow and steady breaths so that he didn’t panic as his gaze swept the crowd, seeing the party guests turning to look at him curiously. For the first time in his career as a musician, he was facing the crowd without a piano before him and it felt like he was naked without it. This scared him even more than the fact that he was about to sing without his siren voice.

Dan’s eyes searched the crowd for familiar faces. He found his mum easily in her white dress. She was standing beside her new husband, Nathaniel, whom was also watching Dan expectantly. Mum waved, and then pointed to the phone in her hand. The phone was still displaying Kath’s face. Apparently, he would be performing for her today, too. His eyes roved further, and finally he found Phil’s face, shining bright with joy as he gazed back at Dan. That was all he needed to see.

He sucked in a deep breath before leaning into the mic. “Hello. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Monica’s son, Daniel. In honor of my mum’s happiness today, I’d like to perform a song. I hope you all enjoy it.”

The orchestra began to play a soft melody, and a few people in the crowd gave short, excited claps as they recognized the familiar tune. Dan began to sing in his normal voice, “I found a love for me. Darling just dive right in and follow my lead.”

Phil smiled at that line, and Dan could guess why – he had quite literally taken a dive when he fell in love with Phil. Knowing that their minds seemed to be in the same place, Phil shot him a wink, which almost made Dan laugh.

Shifting his gaze to less distracting people in the crowd, Dan focused on his mum and her new husband as he sung, “Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know. She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home. I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets, to carry love, to carry children of our own. We are still kids, but we're so in love.”

Mum clasped hands with Nathaniel, lifted them to her lips, and kissed the back of his hand. Nathaniel smiled at her and placed a kiss on the top of her head, but Mum never took her eyes off Dan and she didn’t even blink.

Dan had been worried what she would think about him singing in this voice, but he was starting to relax. His mum didn’t seem disappointed. Quite the opposite. “Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful, I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight.”

As he came to the close of the song, Dan found his eyes drawn to Phil again. He had the odd urge to burst with thanks in the middle of this performance for Phil. If Phil hadn’t suggested singing in his real voice, then none of this would have been possible. This entire crowd would be hypnotized right now, and Dan would hate himself for it. Phil had given him everything. “I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person, and he looks perfect. I don't deserve this. You look perfect tonight.”

It was hard to tell at this distance, but it seemed like Phil’s cheeks got a bit pink.

Dan’s fingers roved across the sheets, searching for warmth. He didn’t find the soft skin he was searching for, and he blinked sleepily before calling, “Phil?”

“Over here,” a voice answered from the other side of the room.

Dan rolled over, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the moonlight streaming in the window, which seemed impossibly bright as it glinted off the nearby sea and glazed Phil in blue light. As Dan fought to full consciousness, he took in the visage of Phil standing before the open window. His inky black hair was tousled from sleep, he wasn’t wearing his glasses, and he was nude except for his boxers. The planes of his leanly muscled body were washed out by moonlight, and he looked too lovely to be merely mortal. The sight of him made Dan’s heart squeeze in his chest. How had he gotten so lucky?

Dan asked in a sleep-roughened voice, “What are you doing there?”

Phil nodded to the view. “It’s not every day that I have a view like this outside my window. Sleeping and missing this seemed like a waste.”

Dan couldn’t argue with that, so he stayed silent.

“Hey, I have a crazy idea…” Phil crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. His face was shining with excitement. He asked, “Will you come take a swim with me?”

“What? Now?” He glanced around the room for a clock but didn’t see one. It must be around 3am. Then his gaze flicked back to Phil’s face, and he saw how much he wanted this. Reluctantly, Dan said, “Alright.”

Helped by Phil’s hand, he slipped out of their warm bed in just his boxers. They didn’t turn on any lights and tiptoed through the beach house, wary of waking anyone. As they stepped outside, the chill of the night air nipped at Dan’s skin – like Phil, he was clad in just his boxers. He felt exposed now under the light of a bright full moon but kept jogging onto the beach. His hand was still linked with Phil’s and he felt brave with him at his side.

The tide was high, pulled in by the moon, and the sea had swallowed most of the beach. A wave rushed fast and foamy in the sand only a few inches from Dan’s toes. He gasped in surprise and stopped in his tracks, his hands slipping from Phil’s grasp.

Phil turned around. The wind was whipping at his messy quiff, and his brow was furrowed in confusion. He asked, “What is it?”

Dan bit his lip and looked at the water. “Sorry. It’s just that besides that one time that I went into the sea to save you, it had been years since I went anywhere near it. It scares me a bit.”

“Do you want to go back inside?” Phil stepped closer, and this time he took both of Dan’s hands in his. “Or do you want to keep going?”

For a moment, Dan considered it. He had avoided the sea for a long time not only out of his fear that the water would expose him, but also because it felt so good, like he might sink into the water one day and never come out. As he looked at Phil, those fears fell away. He didn’t have to worry about Phil rejecting him for his webbed hands, and he didn’t think that he would be tempted to never get out of the water. Dan smiled to show Phil that it was okay, and he walked into the water with him. Wherever Phil went, Dan knew that he would want to go, too.

#phanfiction #phandom #phanfic #dan and phil #dan x phil #merman #mermaid #siren

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Love Yourself (Chapter 22)

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 9.1k story words: 176.6k (so far) chapter: 22/? rating: m warnings: language, alcohol, sex mentions, some bi/homophobia, eventual explicit smut genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[first chapter]] [[previous chapter]]

a/n: as always, a lovely thanks to @auroraphilealis for pushing me to the best i can, for pulling another 3k out of me and this chapter, and for making the editing process fun. i love you boo <3

important: i know some of my fave readers of this fic are ace and not so into smut, so going forward, i’m going to try to remember to put skippable explicit smut between ~*~*~*~* breaks for them. sorry if this is annoying for anyone else!!!

Dan woke up to the gentle brushing of fingertips up and down his bare back, the quiet thump thump, thump thump of a heart directly under his head, and the rise and fall of a stomach under his arm. Despite his sleepy brain, it didn’t take Dan more than a minute to remember who he was in bed with — who he was practically laying on top of.

Phil.

After months of dreaming, wanting, lusting, Dan had finally gotten to be with Phil last night. And holy shit, it was somehow even better than he’d imagined. Phil had been — and still was — sweet and caring, and months of friendship just seemed to heighten everything.

Eager to prolong the warm cuddles as long as possible, Dan kept his eyes shut, and tried to keep his breathing as even as possible.

It seemed to work. The room stayed silent, with the exception of Phil’s steady heartbeat, and Phil stayed still beneath Dan.

“I know you’re awake, Daniel,” Phil whispered, his hand not stopping its calming movement along Dan’s spine.

Fuck.

Disgruntled at being caught, Dan buried his face into Phil’s chest with a groan. “No ‘m not,” he mumbled, his voice muffled against Phil.

“Mmmm,” Phil hummed. He didn’t sound like he believed Dan. “Whatever you say, dear.”

“Shhhh,” Dan hushed. He was struggling to decide if he wanted to will himself back to sleep, or stay awake so he could savor laying in Phil’s arms.

His mind decided for him, though. Apparently, it was too happy about being this close to Phil to shut up long enough for him to doze off again.

“How did y’know?” Dan murmured when he’d given up on more sleep.

“Know what?” Phil asked.

“That I was ‘wake.”

“Oh.” Phil’s spare hand, the one that wasn’t tracing lines on Dan’s back, nudged the fingers of the hand that Dan had looped around Phil’s torso. “Your grip on me tightened.”

“Damn,” Dan cursed, even as he squeezed Phil in a hug for a moment. “How long’ve y’been awake?”

“I think about half an hour.”

“You could’ve gotten up if y’wanted to,” Dan half-heartedly offered, even though he would have been extremely disappointed — and worried — if he’d woken up and Phil hadn’t been in bed with him.

Phil pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head. “I didn’t want to.”

Dan felt his cheeks heat up, and let out a high, flustered whine. “Phiw!”

Phil giggled, his hand slipping around Dan’s waist to give him a firm hug.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Phil sounded like he genuinely cared. Nearly a year of dating Isabella had made Dan forget what it was like to have a partner that was concerned about his well being.

“Amazing,” Dan sighed. He took inventory of his body, noticing how relaxed his muscles felt, and that there was a spot on his neck that felt more tender than usual. He was also rapidly growing aware of the fact that his stomach and chest, as well as Phil’s, were sticky with the remnants of dried cum that they’d only made half an effort to wipe away last night. “And gross,” Dan added with a groan.

Phil chuckled, causing his chest to vibrate under Dan’s ear. “Yeah, we didn’t do a good job of cleaning up, huh?”

“Fuck, you’re right,” Dan muttered in agreement. He very deliberately moved his hand further up Phil’s chest to avoid the worst of the remaining mess.

“Do you have plans today?” Phil asked. His fingers resumed their gentle stroking, this time along Dan’s side.

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remember what day it was, much less if he had any plans. It was hard to think about anything other than the fact that he was currently laying in bed with Phil, completely naked.

“I’m seeing Louise t’night,” he said eventually. “And I was planning t’go to the studio, but not ‘nymore.”

“Why not?”

“Tired. Lazy. Comfortable.” While all of those excuses were true, the main reason was that Dan felt entirely too fucked-out and happy after last night to possibly concentrate on music.

Well, that, and he was hoping he could entice Phil into another round.

“In that case,” Phil said slyly. “How about showers, coffee, and then we get back in bed?”

Dan perked up at Phil’s suggestion, propping himself on one elbow so he could “Really?”

“Yeah.” Phil grinned softly at Dan. “I don’t wanna let go of you yet. Not if I don’t have to.”

Dan rose further up, resting his forearm on Phil’s chest and pushing himself so that his face was even with Phil’s. “You’re amazing,” he whispered before closing the gap between them and pressing his lips to Phil’s. Their lips moved languidly together, and Phil’s tongue darted out to lick Dan’s bottom lip. On instinct, Dan’s mouth parted, letting Phil slip inside.

The rushed, desperate urgency from last night was gone, but their touches were no less passionate, no less hot. Their tongues moved together, neither taking control, as they slowly explored each other’s mouths.

Phil pulled Dan away slightly, startling him out of the kiss.

“What?” Dan whined, disgruntled at the interruption.

Phil pulled back, his lips now too far away for Dan to comfortably kiss. “As nice as this is, darling, we’re a mess. If you have spare sheets, I’ll make the bed while you shower.”

As much as Dan appreciated Phil’s offer to be helpful, he had no desire to let Phil out of his sight for a second.

Dan shifted so that he was hovering more directly over Phil and pressed another, faster kiss to Phil’s lips. This time, Dan let his hands trail down Phil’s torso, going all the way to his belly button and doing his best to avoid the remaining mess.

“Or,” Dan murmured against Phil’s lips as he suggestively ran his fingers through the hair that ran downwards, not quite letting his hand drift as far as Phil’s cock. “We could deal with the sheets later and shower together.”

Phil’s head tipped back, his eyes fluttered shut, and a quiet groan tumbled out of his mouth. “I like the way you think, Howell.” Phil’s voice, which had already been scruffy from sleep, dropped an octave and — fuck, that was hot. There was no way Dan was going to be able to get out of bed without sporting a semi.

But the least he could do was make sure Phil was just as riled up as he was.

Fingers trailing farther south to tease at Phil’s cock, Dan pressed a final kiss to Phil’s lips before diverting downward. Last night, Dan had been too drunk on the feeling of finally being with Phil that he hadn’t had the sense to explore Phil’s body — something he very much wanted to do now. Somehow, during just one round of sex, Phil had found so many of Dan’s turn-ons, and Dan was eager to do the same for Phil now.

Curious to see Phil’s reaction, Dan pressed wet, sloppy kisses down Phil’s jaw, looping around to the underside of his chin. All Dan got for his efforts, though, was a small hmmm, which wasn’t quite the enthusiastic reaction that he was looking for. Phil hadn’t been particularly loud last night, and Dan was determined to draw some noises out of him this morning.

Dan worked his way back up Phil’s neck, experimenting as he went. Dan kissed and sucked, and even nipped at Phil’s throat, but none of it got a bigger reaction from Phil. Shifting tactics, Dan worked his way to Phil’s ear.

Curiously, Dan darted his tongue out and licked. The breath that Phil was drawing in caught, his body froze. It was either a great sign or a terrible one, but Dan was fairly confident that Phil liked it.

Without warning, Dan drew Phil’s earlobe into his mouth, and bit lightly. This time, Dan was rewarded with a soft whimper from Phil, and a tight squeeze of his ass. That was a definite improvement.

Good.

Dan wanted more though. Slipping out of Phil’s hold, Dan pushed himself further up, and straddled Phil’s waist, his arse lightly resting on Phil’s cock. Just because he could, Dan rocked his hips down, grinding Phil into him.

Phil’s hands flew to Dan’s hips and gripped tight, squeezing around the bone. The pressure from Phil’s long, nimble fingers was electrifying, and Dan wasn’t sure he’d ever get tired of the way he felt when Phil touched him.

Choosing to ignore the way Phil’s hands tried to pull Dan’s hips down again — at least for now — Dan leaned forward and resumed his exploration of Phil’s body instead.

Phil’s chest was long and pale and — ugh. Covered in dried cum still. Maybe Dan would have to wait until they were actually in the shower after all. Nevertheless, his mouth skimmed over Phil’s clavicles half heartedly for a moment, genuinely disappointed that he couldn’t have more of Phil right now.

Not quite willing to give this up without some kind of teasing, Dan gave into the pressure of Phil’s hands on his hips, and rubbed his arse against Phil’s cock again. Dan’s lips found Phil’s and kissed him hungrily. Their lips found a fast and biting rhythm, and their hips moved together with quick and desperate thrusts.

Dan kissed Phil hard, licking his tongue into the caverns of Phil’s mouth in a way that he hadn’t last night. Phil thrusted up and up, his cock nestled between the bare cheeks of Dan’s arse. It was a welcomed sensation that Dan hadn’t felt in a long time, and he rocked his hips down faster and faster, seeking more of it.

Abruptly, Phil tore his lips from Dan’s and his hips slowed — but didn’t stop — their movements. “Okay, okay, okay,” he said hurriedly against Dan’s cheek, sounding completely winded. “Let’s go before we get carried away.”

Dan hummed quiet agreement, but continued kissing Phil all the same. Dan pointedly ground down, causing Phil’s cock to slide between his cheeks, Dan’s own dick rubbing against Phil’s stomach. Dan’s heavy breathing twisted into a deep, breathy moan.

“Can’t imagine how that would happen,” Dan murmured against Phil’s lips. Phil kissed back hungrily, mumbling something that sounded like screw it.

Shit, fuck.

Dan wanted to shower, though. He wanted to shower with Phil, and he wanted to do it now — especially since now he wouldn’t have to be the only one to crawl out of bed with a raging erection.

This time, Dan was the one who unexpectedly pulled away from the kiss, leaving Phil gasping for breath and desperate for more.

Satisfied with the mess he’d made of Phil, Dan unabashedly threw back the covers and climbed out of bed, making his way to the en suite bathroom. “Okay, now we can go,” he said. As he pushed the door open, though, Dan realized that Phil wasn’t following behind him.

Turning around, Dan saw that Phil was still on the bed, staring after Dan. Now that the blankets were gone, Dan had a stellar view of Phil — all of Phil.

Although Dan would never admit it, he’d gone on a few deep tumblr dives in the AmazingPhil tag, and he’d noticed that one of the popular fan theories said that Phil was packing. When Dan had first seen the consensus, he hadn’t been able to help hoping it was true.

And now that Dan had seen, had touched, Phil while he was naked and hard, Dan could confirm those headcannons with absolute certainty.

Tongue darting out to lick his lips, Dan trailed his eyes up from Phil’s thick cock to his face. “You coming?”

“Yeah,” Phil said, shaking his head as he if were pulling himself out of his thoughts. “Just enjoying the view.” His eyes raked up and down Dan’s naked body again, not bothering to hide the way he lingered on Dan’s cock for a beat longer than the rest of his body. The blatant lust in Phil’s eyes calmed any self-conscious fears that Dan would have had, and he just felt sexy under Phil’s gaze.

“You can enjoy it a lot better if you come shower with me, nerd,” Dan teased.

“Touché.” Phil climbed out of bed and followed after Dan.

In the bathroom, Dan fiddled with the shower tap, turning the water on as hot as he dared without risking burning them. While he waited for the water to warm up, he moved to the mirror to inspect just how bad the damage from last night really was.

As he suspected, there was an angry red, beautiful hickey blossoming on his neck, just below his jaw.

“Guess I’m definitely telling Louise tonight, then,” Dan chuckled, touching the mark and watching it darken in the mirror.

Phil stepped behind him, slipping his arms around Dan’s waist and pulling him close against his chest. Phil’s head came to rest on Dan’s shoulder, and his eyes met Dan’s in the mirror.

“Sorry about that,” Phil apologized, not sounding apologetic in the slightest.

“I’m not,” Dan smiled, dropping his hand and lacing his fingers over Phil’s. “It felt really fucking good.”

“Oh did it?” Phil teased, a mischievous glint in his eye. He winked at Dan — well, more like aggressively blinked — and turned his head so that he could kiss Dan’s neck. “I couldn’t tell,” he murmured against Dan’s skin, the vibrations of his low voice shooting down Dan’s spine and straight to his cock.

Proving both of their points, Dan’s head tipped back to land on Phil’s shoulder, and a low whine escaped his mouth.

“I don’t —” he gasped, futilely trying to maintain an ounce of his composure. “—usually like that.”

Phil’s lips stilled against Dan’s neck, frozen in their pilgrimage to tint the whole expanse red. “What do you mean?”

“My neck,” Dan gasped, still trying to regain control of his breath. “I don’t usually let people touch it.”

Much to Dan’s disappointment, Phil’s lips drew back, and he straightened up. “Sorry.” This time Phil did sound sincere. “You should have told me to stop.”

“No!” Dan nearly shouted. His eyes sprung open, and sought Phil’s in the mirror. “I like it with you.”

Showing Phil just how much he liked it, Dan wrapped a hand in Phil’s hair and guided his head back to his neck. Phil pressed a few tentative kisses along Dan’s collarbone, inching slightly upward to what only barely counted as Dan’s neck.

“I swear,” Dan promised. “It feels really fucking good, Phil.” Dan’s assurance was swallowed by a low mewl as Phil nipped lightly at his skin. “Fuck, seriously,” he added as a breathily afterthought.

“Why haven’t you liked it with other people, then?” Phil sounded confused, and maybe still a little worried.

Dan shrugged, inadvertently jostling Phil’s head. “It —” Dan cut himself off, not sure the truth would be too much right now.

Phil glanced forward, meeting Dan’s eyes in the mirror before looking back down at Dan’s neck and pressing soft, encouraging kisses into his shoulder. “It what?” Phil prompted gently.

“It always felt too intimate,” Dan said as casually as he could while Phil’s lips were still right there.

Seemingly encouraged by Dan’s words, Phil moved higher on Dan’s neck and sucked lightly at his pulse point. “But it’s not with me?”

Dan had half a mind to think that Phil was both curious and smug.

“No, it’s great with you,” Dan assured him. His voice came out hushed, almost like he was afraid to break the delicate mood that had been created. The intimate mood — fuck that was new. And good.

In response, Phil properly latched onto Dan’s neck and began sucking a new hickey into the patterns. “Good,” Phil muttered into Dan’s neck, the vibrations of his voice sending tingles through Dan’s neck and all the way down to his stomach. “I’m glad.”

“Me t-too,” Dan stuttered, a smile pulling at his lips despite how fucking turned on he was by everything. Phil seemed to be taking immense satisfaction in the fact that he could pleasure Dan in a way other’s couldn’t, and that knowledge was affecting both Dan’s mind and his cock.

In the mirror, Dan let his eyes drift from where they’d been trained on Phil’s mouth on his neck upwards, taking in the rest of his reflection. His chest had a red flush to it, and his pupils were blown wide, and —

What the fuck.

Ripping away from Phil, Dan abruptly leaned in closer to the mirror to get a better look at himself.

“Is that cum in my hair?” Dan squeaked. His hand flew up to touch the stiff, almost crusty, pearly mess in the curls on the side of his head.

Over his shoulder, Phil looked chagrined; his hands flew up to hide his rapidly reddening cheeks and he let out a high pitch squeal.

“Philip Michael Lester!” Dan squawked, abruptly turning around to properly face Phil. Dan grabbed Phil’s wrists and pulled them down so that he could see Phil’s face. “How the fuck did you get cum in my hair last night? You weren’t anywhere near there!”

“Er,” Phil’s gaze was focused behind Dan, seemingly on the toiletries that were lined up neatly on the counter. “I suppose there might have still been, um, some, on my hand last night.”

Dan’s brows furrowed in confusion as he tried to remember what exactly had happened last night. He remembered having an amazing orgasm, and Phil coming at almost the exact same time. He remembered Phil stroking both of their cocks and working them through their orgasms. And he remembered Phil’s hands tangling in his hair when they were both spent.

Oh.

Dan’s cheeks flushed red as he processed what must have happened last night — and how he must have looked curled up on Phil’s chest this morning.

“You’re ridiculous,” Dan said with an uncontrollably wide grin. As much of a pain as cum was to get out of hair, Dan couldn’t find it in him to be annoyed about it. It was objectively filthy, but not necessarily in a bad way. It complimented the hickey well, anyway.

Besides, it’d been a long time since he’d been covered in cum other than his own.

“Come on,” Phil pulled him by the hand towards the shower. “It’s my fault it’s there. I’ll get it out for you.”

The water was warm, and the shower was already full of steam by the time they stepped in. Phil didn’t waste any time in pushing Dan under the spray and searching for the shampoo, apparently eager to fix the mess of Dan’s hair.

Phil fumbled with the bottle and squirted a glob into his hands. Between his hands, Phil worked the shampoo into a bubbly lather before spreading it into Dan’s hair. Long fingers drew careful circles into Dan’s head, massaging his scalp and tangling in his hair.

Other than his hairdresser, and maybe his mother when he was about five, Dan had never had someone else wash his hair and jesus, he’d had no idea what he was missing.

“Mmm,” Dan sighed contentedly, and leaned in slightly to the pressure of Phil’s hands. It was too heavenly to resist.

A quiet, amused chuckle bubbled out of Phil. “Do you like that?” he asked knowingly.

“It’s amazing,” Dan murmured. He let his eyes fall shut, and looped his arms loosely around Phil’s waist, leaving enough space between them that Phil could still comfortably reach his head.

Phil’s hands paid special attention to the mess on the side of Dan’s head and took care to thoroughly wash his hair. Slowly, Phil’s hands continued their soothing ministrations, shifting to the back, then the top, and then the sides again, over and over. Time seemed to fade away as Dan melted into the soft intimacy of Phil taking care of him, and the slight tugging at his hair.

“Come here,” Phil whispered after a while, gently guiding Dan’s head back under the stream of water. With great care, Phil washed the shampoo out of Dan’s hair, and made sure none of the bubbles dripped down onto his face.

It wasn’t until the pressure of Phil’s hands disappeared that Dan opened his eyes again, prepared to complain about the sudden lack of attention. In front of him, though, Phil was pouring an obscene amount of body wash onto Dan’s loofah.

Phil set the bottle back down on the shelf and pulled Dan forward, out of the direct stream of the water. “Here,” Phil said softly. “Let’s get your chest clean, too.”

“That’s kind of my fault,” Dan half-heartedly chuckled. He had no real desire to derail Phil’s intentions to wash him; Dan’s goals for the shower could wait.

“I’d say it’s at least half mine.” Phil smirked.

Dan wasn’t sure what Phil meant was half his — the fault or the mess — but Dan was happy they shared it either way.

Phil reached out, and tenderly rubbed the loofah in circles on Dan’s chest. Phil started high, the loofah dipping into the divots of Dan’s collarbones, and slowly worked his way down towards Dan’s belly button.

It felt heavenly, being taken care of like this. Never once had Dan been in a relationship where someone had paid this much careful attention to him, especially this early on. He’d always been the person to take care of his partner, the person pulling his partner in for cuddles and affection, the person initiating intimate contact that wasn’t sex.

Dan should have known that Phil would be different.

Being pampered like this hadn’t been what Dan had in mind for this shower — and he certainly intended to get around to his plans eventually — but it was too good to not give into. At some point, Phil’s other hand had joined the loofah, and was tracing soapy circles on Dan’s lower back. Dan was torn between wanting to press backwards into Phil’s hand, and lean further forward into Phil.

“I think that’s as clean as your stomach can get,” Phil said, withdrawing the loofah from Dan.

“Thank you.” Dan leaned forward and kissed Phil, slowly shifting the mood from soft back to heated.

“My turn,” Dan murmured with a smirk and a cocked eyebrow.

With a wink, Dan stole the loofah from Phil and brought it up to his chest, making much faster work of cleaning the dried mess off of Phil. Dan’s movements lacked the gentle caress of Phil’s, and were pushing down down down much faster.

Unlike Phil, Dan had his sights on something else.

Back in bed, Dan had been eager to explore Phil’s chest, to kiss and lick and nibble at as much of Phil as he could, but that wasn’t a particularly sexy thing to do when they were both covered in dried cum. So right now, Dan just needed Phil clean; there would be more time for intimate bathing in the future.

When the last traces of their activities from last night were washed from Phil’s torso, Dan carelessly dropped the loofah onto the floor and spun Phil around, forcing them to switch places. Dan guided Phil backwards so that he was directly under the shower head, and helped him rinse off all the the bubbles.

“That’s better,” Phil said as he reached for the handle to turn the faucet off.

With faster instincts than Dan realized he had, he seized Phil’s hand in mid-air. “What do you think you’re doing?” Dan asked, an eyebrow cocked at Phil.

Phil’s brows furrowed and his eyes flickered down to both of their stiff erections. “Getting out?”

“Oh no you don’t, Lester,” Dan said impishly. Before Phil could respond, Dan pushed him backwards, sending him softly crashing into the tiled wall of the shower. “I’m not done with you yet.”

“But I thought you wanted to —” Phil’s eyes followed Dan’s hands as they reached for Phil’s waist and slid down “Oh,” he gasped. “In here.”

“Yeah,” Dan teased with a playful, mocking edge to his voice. “In here.”

“You’re really something, Dan,” Phil mumbled, awestruck.

Dan smirked at Phil, taking that as enough permission to lean forward and finally begin exploring Phil’s body. His shoulders were broader than Dan’s, and definitely broader than Isabella’s, which meant that there was more skin that Dan could ravish. He worked his way across them, dropping kisses every few centimeters.

~*~*~*~*

Determined to find the spots that drove Phil crazy, Dan ducked lower. He traced his lips along Phil's collarbone, and dipped down, suddenly taking Phil’s nipple into his mouth. Beneath his lips, Dan could feel Phil’s chest huff with a sudden intake of breath. Spurred on by Phil’s reaction, Dan grazed his teeth against Phil’s chest and darted his tongue out to circle the pert nub.

“Shit — Dan,” Phil whimpered, so quietly that Dan almost didn’t hear him above the rushing of the water. The broken sound of Phil’s voice went straight to Dan’s cock, and he could feel a bead of precum leak out.

Taking his time, Dan kissed his way across Phil’s chest and gave the same attention to Phil’s other nipple, lavishing it with kitten licks and gentle bites. Once Dan was satisfied with the way Phil’s nipples had turned from pink to dark red, and were standing more erectly, he let his mouth slide down again. He kissed his way to Phil’s stomach, taking a moment to dip his tongue into Phil’s belly button. Phil’s head tipped back, smacking into the wall with a loud thunk, but Phil didn’t seem to notice.

Glancing up, Dan saw that Phil’s eyes were clamped shut, and his hands were spread flat against the wall near his hips, his fingers white from the pressure.

Dan slowly sunk down to his knees. Phil’s cock was right there, swollen and red, thick and long.

“Look at me,” Dan demanded as he nipped at Phil’s stomach to get his attention. Phil’s head snapped forward and his eyes flew open, his gaze frantically scanning over Dan. Dan was sure it was quite the sight; him on his knees, his head only centimeters away from Phil’s cock.

Dan’s tongue darted out to lick his lips as he hungrily eyed it. “Can I?” Dan asked, his mouth already close enough to blow air over Phil’s tip when he spoke.

“Please,” Phil begged quietly. His lips barely moved enough for the breath of a word to escape.

Dan didn’t respond, instead answering Phil’s plea by wrapping his lips around the head of Phil’s cock, one hand instinctively coming up to steady Phil’s base. A shuddering sigh shook out of Phil as Dan’s his tongue dipped into his slit and lapping up the leaking bead of precome.

When Dan had first started sleeping with men, he’d worried that the taste would bother him. He had been pleasantly surprised to find that it was fine, that some men even tasted sort of alright. But holy fuck, just like everything else about Phil, his taste was amazing.

Determined to make this good, to make it last, Dan teased at Phil’s tip, circling the head with his tongue and lapping at Phil’s slit. His hand just barely stroked Phil’s base, his thumb dipping down to brush against Phil’s balls.

“Daaan,” Phil groaned quietly, begging. Pleading.

“Mmmm,” Dan moaned, his mouth vibrating around Phil. Dan sunk forward, swallowing more and more of Phil’s cock at a tantalizingly slow pace, his tongue dragging along the sensitive vein.

By the time Dan’s lips finally, finally grazed Phil’s base, Phil was a panting mess. For so long, Dan had been dreaming of seeing Phil in this position — wanton and above him. Dan couldn't help opening his eyes to stare up while he had Phil’s entire cock in his mouth, the tip pushing passed his gag reflex.

Towering above Dan, Phil looked an absolute mess. His head was still tipped back against the tiled wall, frozen where it had dropped again. His eyes were half-lidded, now. Through the small slits of Phil’s eyes, Dan could see that his gaze was fixed straight down, focused on Dan.

Phil’s cock was thick enough that Dan’s mouth was stretched wide, his lips clamping tightly around the shaft as he bobbed up and down at an agonizingly slow pace. Dan’s mouth felt full, useful in a way it never did when he was with a woman. The heavy weight of cock on his tongue, and the faint pulsing of the head near the back of his throat, was intoxicating — and satisfied Dan’s minor oral fixation.

Hopefully, it was a filthy, hot picture for Phil.

It may have been a while since Dan had done this, but god was he happy to be doing it again, and god was he happy that it was Phil’s cock he was sucking. The shocking newness of having Phil’s dick in his mouth started to fade, and Dan gave the blowjob his all, determined to give Phil the best he’d ever had.

Holding the base of Phil’s cock in his hand, Dan pulled all the way off, watching it twitch in anticipation as it hung erect between Phil’s legs. Dan’s breath blew across Phil’s tip once, twice, before he sunk down again, faster this time, and took him all the way to the base in one fast swallow.

A quiet, low groan tumbled from Phil’s mouth as he hit the back of Dan’s throat. Dan was out of practice, but he quickly relaxed his muscles and opened a little wider, guiding Phil in as far as possible. He fucking loved deepthroating.

“God, you’re good a’this,” Phil moaned quietly.

Jesus fuck. Dan’s cock twitched in direct response to Phil’s compliment. He’d been hard before, but up until now he’d been content to ignore his own erection. But now, the need to give into his own pleasure was almost overwhelming and the pulsing need in his own dick was distracting.

“Phiw,” Dan moaned around Phil’s cock, his free hand seeking out his own cock and giving a few rough tugs. He didn’t want much — certainly not enough to finish himself, or even really get himself going — but he needed something to release the edge.

The loose pressure of his own hand on his cock was maddening, and Dan was tempted to give in, to turn his focus towards stroking himself. But that’s not why Dan had coaxed Phil into his shower — and besides, Dan had gotten off with his left hand a few too many times in the last couple of months. So Dan let go of himself, and turned the entirety of his attention back to Phil.

Without giving any warning, Dan’s hands flew up to brace Phil’s upper thighs, and he sunk down at a new, faster pace. Beneath his hands, Phil’s hips were canting forward, fucking lightly into Dan’s mouth. Siliently urging him to continue, Dan released some of the pressure of his hands, letting Phil thrust forward with more force.

Dan took care to drag his tongue along the underside of Phil’s shaft and lap at his slit on every bob, glancing up at Phil through his eyelashes the entire time.

So okay, maybe Phil just wasn’t that loud in bed, Dan realized, because Phil was definitely enjoying himself.

His breath was coming in short huffs and sharp gasps, his hips were pushing against Dan’s hold, itching to thrust harder into Dan’s mouth. Rosy pink bruises were blossoming on Phil’s chest and stomach, marking Dan’s path from Phil’s chin to his groin.

Phil was wrecked and, frankly, so was Dan.

It might have been greedy, but Dan wanted just a bit more, and from the way Phil was writhing against the wall, Phil was desperate for more, too.

Dan’s hands slid from their purchase on Phil’s thighs and found Phil’s wrists. Forcefully, he yanked Phil’s hands from the wall and brought them to his head, encouraging Phil’s fingers to tangle in his wet curls.

Dan broke his ministrations just long enough to pull off Phil’s cock and murmur a hoarse, “pull.”

Phil didn’t need to be told twice. His hands seized Dan’s hair and tugged, using the leverage to move Dan at the pace Phil needed. It was fast — much faster than Dan had been going before, and he was completely incapable of incorporating any proper skill at this point. But even without the licking, sucking, and stroking, Phil was still falling apart from Dan’s tongue alone.

Each yank on Dan’s hair, and every quiet moan from Phil’s lips, dragged Dan unrelentingly closer and closer to his own release.

“Fuck, Dan, you’re so—” Phil’s words dwindled into a breathy groan when Dan shifted his hands, lightly massaging Phil’s balls in one hand and pressing firmly against Phil’s perineum with the other.

“Sh-shit!” Phil’s finger’s sharply pulled at Dan’s hair, forcing him all the way off his cock. “C-close,” Phil panted, one hand reaching for his own dick. Dan knocked Phil’s hand out of the way, guiding it back to his tangled hair.

“Good,” Dan panted, hoping to sound cheeky, but instead his voice just sounded wrecked and god was that hot. “Me too,” he added, abandoning all flirty pretenses and sinking forward onto Phil’s cock again.

A soft grunt escaped Phil’s throat, pulling a louder, longer moan from Dan.

“Y’ don't have to s-swallow,” Phil stuttered, his eyes never leaving Dan’s lips on his cock.

Dan’s only response was to dig his fingers further into Phil’s perineum, finally finding his prostate and eliciting a hushed whine from him.

Beneath Dan’s massaging fingers, he could feel Phil’s balls drawn up, could feel Phil tense and freeze.

And then he could feel Phil let go.

Dan felt Phil’s cock pulse in his mouth, felt the white hot liquid hit the back of his throat, warm and salty and so fucking amazing.

“You feel so good, your mouth is so good, god, Dan,” Phil babbled, on the verge of incoherent, as his cock continued to pump cum into Dan’s mouth. Moaning around Phil’s cock, Dan swallowed every last drop of it, his hands continuing their ministrations and mouth hungrily sucking around Phil’s dick.

The praise, the hair pulling, the twitching of Phil’s cock in his mouth — it all had Dan teetering so close to his own orgasm that he dropped one hand from Phil and grasped his own cock, pulling roughly and desperately.

It was only a matter of strokes before Dan was pushed over the edge, too. He tensed, his attention split between the pleasure of his own cock and the weight of Phil’s dick in his mouth. Dan’s body shook as his orgasm ran through him, and he came in messy spurts on the shower floor.

His orgasm wracked his body in intense, heavenly waves. Even though Dan had technically finished himself, it was so much better than anytime he’d ever masturbated. The feeling of Phil’s cock pulsing in his mouth, and the desperate pulling of Phil’s hands in his hair made everything hotter.

When Phil’s cock started to soften, and Dan’s cock began to ache with overstimulation, Dan pulled off Phil, immediately sinking all the way down to the floor. His forehead helplessly crashed into Phil’s thigh, his hands coming up to cling at Phil’s shin like he was a life raft. Dan was too drained to hold himself up, and too desperate to be close to Phil to lean against the wall instead. The water was beginning to run lukewarm, but right now, Dan couldn’t be arsed enough to care.

~*~*~*~*

“Come up here,” Phil beckoned, his hand weakly tugging at Dan’s curls. He was still out of breath, and he sounded utterly blissed out. Dan had no idea how he was even talking.

“Can’t,” Dan mumbled between shaky breaths into Phil’s knee.

Phil’s hands shifted on Dan’s head, this time gently running through the soaked, tangled locks. “Wanna help y’finish,” Phil slurred.

Oh.

“Um,” Dan mumbled. Bashfully, he buried his face even more entirely into Phil’s thigh, arms fully wrapping around his leg and squeezing to slide himself closer. “No need,” Dan muttered.

Beneath his forehead, Dan felt Phil’s body shift sharply, and the hand in his hair tightened its hold for a split second before relaxing.

Gently, Phil pulled on Dan’s hair and coaxed Dan’s face away from his thigh. “Look up, baby,” Phil commanded softly.

Dan’s gaze trailed upwards, finally meeting Phil’s. Above him, Phil was staring down with a soft, disbelieving smile. His eyes flicked from Dan’s face and scanned down his body, no doubt able to see his softening cock and the white lines that still streaked the tile between them.

“You’re too perfect, Howell,” Phil whispered, disbelief and awe etched in his voice. He leaned down and tipped Dan’s head further back, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Did you really come just from sucking me off?” Phil asked quietly, amazed and shocked.

A warm blush worked its way from Dan’s chest to his ears, and he hoped the heat of the shower was enough to disguise it.

“Shuddup,” Dan mumbled bashfully, hiding his face in Phil’s legs. A light, soft touch ruffled his head as Phil’s fingers softly raked through Dan’s hair.

“That’s the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me.” Phil’s words came out in a low whine, and Dan was a least a little satisfied about that, and he already wanted to spend the rest of eternity topping all of Phil’s previous experiences.

And if Phil really was that turned on by Dan coming just from blowing Phil, god was this going to go well. Because Dan wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to suck Phil’s cock and not come, and god did he want to do that again and again.

Eventually, Phil straightened up, the sudden movement sending Dan back into the water’s path, and jarring him out of his thoughts. The look on his face suggested he had regained control of himself and was read to get out. “I’ll get coffee started for us, come out when you’re ready. Take your time.”

Exhausted and euphoric, Dan unraveled himself from Phil and shifted his weight to the wall beside him. He flashed what he hoped was a reassuring and grateful smile up at Phil as he stepped out of the shower.

The shower door shut behind Phil with a muted click, and Dan watched his silhouette through the glass. Phil wrapped not one, not two, but three of Dan’s big, fluffy towels around himself — leaving just one for Dan. Not that Dan particularly cared. He’d happily trot out to the kitchen completely naked knowing it was Phil who was going to be there.

Dan allowed himself a few more minutes to regain his breath and finally process everything that had happened now that he was alone. Even though he had been building towards this thing with Phil for months, a part of him had never expected to actually get here — and he certainly hadn’t expected it to be this good, this safe, this happy when they finally went for it.

Barely twelve hours ago, Dan had been fighting with Isabella in B ‘n G, and somehow that had led to that sweet, smiley first kiss he’d shared with Phil last night. How? How the fuck had a raging fight with his ex-girlfriend turned into getting together with the boy of his dreams?

Literally anyone but Phil would probably have run screaming.

Jesus, how the fuck had he gotten so lucky.

When he felt confident that he could walk again, Dan washed his cum down the drain, and pushed himself up off the ground. His knees protested, angry at kneeling on the hard wet tile for so long. Dan couldn’t bring himself to be upset by it though; he’d enjoyed every moment of sucking Phil off, and he’d eagerly do it again and again.

After turning off the water, Dan finally stepped out of the shower and dried himself off with the remaining towell, eager to get back to Phil’s side. On his way to the kitchen, he stopped only briefly in his bedroom, pulling on a tight, black pair of boxer briefs and nothing else. Hopefully whatever Phil had in mind for today wouldn’t require more clothing, because Dan’s ideal plans included burrowing in Phil’s arms and not leaving bed until he had to get ready for Louise’s.

In the kitchen, Dan found Phil in a similar state of dress — the exact same actually. It appeared that Phil had helped himself to a pair of Dan’s pants and fuck, if Dan hadn’t just come, or if he was five years younger, he’d push Phil against the counter and blow him again.

As it was, it was probably a good thing Dan wasn’t ready to push Phil up another wall, because every single one of the cabinets were opened wide and he’d probably end up with a concussion. Phil’s head had disappeared into the one to the right of the sink, his tight arse sticking out as he leaned forward.

“Can I help you with something, Philip?” Dan quipped. He slid behind Phil and wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist.

Phil jumped, knocking his head into the shelf of the cabinet. Dan muffled a laugh behind his hand, too endeared by the soft fiddlesticks that Phil muttered to openly make fun of him.

“Mugs?” Phil asked, spinning around to face Dan. “I can only find this one.”

Dan’s eyes followed Phil’s gesture to the counter, although he didn’t need to. He knew the only mug that Phil could be pointing to was the polka dotted one his had sister painted.

“Right,” Dan said flatly, not answering Phil’s question at all.

“Are they somewhere else, or…?” Phil asked when Dan didn’t elaborate.

“No,” Dan averted his gaze, landing instead on the one other mug he owned. It was the pink one from his grandmother; he’d set it in the breakfast bar and shoved some fake flowers in it for decoration. That was all it could hold now. The glue that held the sentimental chunks together wouldn’t be able to withstand large amounts of liquid.

Dan swallowed and looked back to Phil. “There’s kind of just that one,” he admitted, embarrassment taking over his voice and his face.

Phil’s brows furrowed, confusion etched on his face. “I know you live alone, but, um, why?”

Releasing Phil, Dan stepped back and dragged his hands roughly down his face. “It’s not a cheerful story,” he warned, dropping his hands back to his sides.

The confusion on Phil’s face twisted into concern. “What happened?”

“Isabella,” Dan said simply. When Phil didn’t say anything, Dan elaborated. “She showed up one day, pissed as all hell, and basically destroyed my kitchen, chucking all of my mugs onto the floor in the process.”

Dan nodded towards the mug Phil has sat on the counter. “That’s the only one that survived. It was in the other room, thank god.” Dan’s gaze shifted to the breakfast bar. “And that one, sort of.” His eyes slid over the obvious lines where the glue was holding it together. “But only because I picked up the pieces and made Louise fix it.”

Dan finally looked back at Phil and found a mixture of horror and sympathy on his face. “That’s horrible,” he whispered. His hands wrapped around Dan’s waists and pulled him into a tight embrace. Dan let himself melt into it, his head coming to rest on Phil’s shoulder and his arms looping around Phil’s hips.

“I warned you,” Dan mumbled dejectedly.

Phil was quiet for a moment, no doubt taking in the explanation. Dan expected Phil to ask any number of questions about the fight — what it was about, did she do things like that often, why didn’t Dan just dump her then — but instead, Phil asked, “What’s special about the mug you made Louise fix?”

Dan breathed a sigh of relief; he didn’t want to get into the full story. It was long over, and had been the most major tipping point in his relationship with Isabella— and Dan had no desire to give her the power to taint this perfect morning he was sharing with Phil.

“My grandma gave it to me right after I told her I was bi,” Dan murmured into Phil’s neck. “Kind of a I support you and fuck heteronormativity thing.”

Phil’s arms tightened around Dan, and he dropped a light kiss to Dan’s bare shoulder. “Your grandma sounds great.”

“She is,” Dan agreed. “She was the first person I ever came out to. I was like fourteen, and she was immediately just so accepting, and it was a big part of why I accepted myself and grew confident in my sexuality.”

Dan straightened up but didn’t move back from Phil, his gaze shifting to the mug. “I just couldn’t let it go. Even though it can’t really hold coffee anymore.”

Phil was quiet for a moment before leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Dan’s lips.

“We can bring the coffee pot into the bedroom and share the one mug. It’ll be romantic.”

Dan chuckled wetly, belatedly realizing that tears were stinging at his eyes. “Romantic,” he smiled as he swallowed his tears, determined to not let them spill and ruin the morning. “Right.”

Just as Phil had suggested, they carried the coffee pot and single mug back into the bedroom, Dan grabbing a packet of biscuits on the way so that they had some sustenance. He was disappointed, however, when they got back to the room, only to realize that the sheets were still an absolute wreck.

“I guess we have to make up the bed, huh?” Phil sounded just as reluctant to do it as Dan did.

“We could. Or we could just strip it, and I could grab the duvet from the spare room and we could call it good enough.”

Phil sat their rations down on the bedside table, and started pulling the blankets off the bed. “Sounds great to me. Where’s your washer?”

“Oh, you don’t have to start them.”

“I really don’t mind. They’ll stain if we leave them too long.” Phil bundled the sheets in his arms. “Go grab the stuff. I got this.”

“Thanks,” Dan smiled, leading Phil out of the bedroom. “It’s in a closet in the main bathroom, through the foyer.”

Dan messily yanked the duvet off the spare bed, making a mental note to ask the maid to send it for dry cleaning before Darcy or his family spent the night again. Something about him and Phil being practically beneath it (and maybe entirely, who knows how the day would go), made him slightly uncomfortable to put it back on the guest bed later.

On his way back to his room, Dan swiped his computer from the lounge, just in case they wanted to watch anything. Unsurprisingly, he beat Phil back to the bedroom. Dan took the opportunity to light a candle — the stupidly expensive special occasions one that Louise had bought him — and crack the curtains so that they could pretend they were sort of partaking in the day.

Phil trailed back into the room, carrying two glasses of water with him. Dan flashed Phil a small, grateful smile and climbed into bed. The duvet was flipped down next to Dan, a clear invitation.

After setting the drinks on Dan’s nightstand, Phil followed. He settled on his back, and Dan immediately curled up into his side again.

“Coffee, please,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s now clean chest.

Phil passed Dan their shared mug. “I’m impressed you managed to go this long without caffeine,” he chuckled, his laughter shaking Dan’s head and making it difficult to not spill.

“Apparently, other things are capable of waking me up just as well.” Dan flashed Phil an impish smile, and was pleased when Phil’s cheeks tinted dark red.

“I don’t think cum has caffeine in it, Dan,” Phil teased back, smirking.

A shocked gasp flew out of Dan’s mouth, despite his laughing grin. He hadn’t expected Phil to push his joke even further — and especially didn’t expect him to say that.

“AmazingPhil, who knew you were so filthy!” Dan took another long gulp from the mug and shook his head in mock-exasperation.

“I’m not that innocent,” Phil protested, jostling Dan a little with his shoulder. Dan just rolled his eyes, and took another sip of their coffee.

As they passed the mug back and forth, taking turns drinking from it, they fell into an easy silence. Phil refilled the mug twice, letting Dan take the first, hottest sips from the mug both times. It was sweet, caring. Even if Dan did have a shit heat tolerance in his mouth and just about burned himself both times.

“What is the rest of your week like?” Phil asked suddenly.

Dan’s head snapped up to look at Phil. His face was stoic, and didn’t give any of his intentions away. “I’m working most days, but my nights are all free.” Dan scanned Phil’s face, trying to figure out what he was getting at. “Why?” Dan asked suspiciously.

“I want to take you on a date. Like, a proper fancy date.” Phil sounded adamant, but also a bit nervous.

The apprehension must have shown on Dan’s face.

“We’ll go somewhere fancy enough that there aren’t likely to be fans, somewhere nice enough where the staff aren’t… gossips.” Phil’s hand slipped from Dan’s hair and turned his chin up. Giant blue eyes stared down at Dan pleadingly. “We can save casual looking sushi dates and movies and other stuff that can be passed off as just mates for later. I just want to be able to take you out on a nice, real date first,” Phil insisted.

Forget Isabella — Phil was better than anyone Dan had ever been with. Everything he was saying just left Dan feeling overwhelmed. No one had ever wanted to take him on a date. It had always been the other way around, it had always been Dan taking his partners to nice restaurants and trying to spoil them.

Going out to a fancy restaurant with Phil — completely alone — was definitely a risk. It would be hard to explain if they got caught. Two bros chilling in a fancy restaurant because they’re not gay?

Dan couldn’t be bothered to care though. Whatever the risk was, it was worth it.

“You’re picking the restaurant, then,” Dan joked, afraid that if he spoke too genuinely — if he let on how touched he was — he’d lose control of his emotions.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” Phil promised softly. “I’ll figure it out, so long as you agree to come.”

Dan nodded, his head bumping into the underside of Phil’s chin. “Of course I’ll come, you spoon.” Dan’s voice wavered slightly, surely giving away his shaky emotions, but he pushed through. Now wasn’t the time for a seriously conversation about coming out or his shitty past relationships. Right now, Dan just wanted to concentrate on Phil. “That sounds nice,” he added, speaking more sincerely this time.

Phil leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Dan’s head. “Good,” he agreed softly. Dan felt his lips quirk up in a soft smile, and he sighed, grateful to finally have a partner that seemed to care.

Passing the mug back to Phil a final time, Dan opted to loop his hand around Phil’s waist instead. The clean expanse of Phil’s chest made for a much better pillow than his cum-covered chest had earlier this morning.

With a directive nudge, Dan pushed Phil’s other hand towards the nightstand, silently encouraging him to set the coffee mug down. When Phil’s hand was free, Dan reached out, intending to push Phil’s fingers into his hair.

Phil beat him to it though. He didn’t need any guidance to play with Dan’s curly locks. Fuck, Phil knew Dan so well already, was already so much better for Dan than Isabella had been.

“So,” Phil eventually said. “Are your plans with Louise friend stuff, or business stuff tonight?”

“Mostly friend stuff,” Dan answered. His hand traced up Phil’s side and drew small circles along Phil’s ribcage. “I have dinner with her and Darcy most Sundays, and I think they’re both a bit put out that I didn’t go over last night.”

That might have been an understatement. While Dan was on his flight home yesterday, Louise had texted Dan a screenshot of the takeaway app and asked what he wanted for dinner. When Dan had said he’d have to postpone another night, that he sort of had lose plans with Phil, Louise had sent him a string of frowny emojis.

Followed by two aubergines and a water explosion.

Dan had chosen not to respond to that tasteful message.

“You could have done that instead of coming to B ‘n G last night,” Phil offered, but he didn’t sound particularly enthusiastic about the idea.

“Trust me,” Dan laughed, his hand splaying across Phil’s chest and grazing his nipple. Beneath his fingertips, Dan felt Phil shudder in response and he didn’t bother to hid his satisfied smile at that. “I think I prefer our last night to take out on Louise’s sofa.”

“Good, I would hope you couldn’t get that from dinner at Louise’s,” Phil teased. His hand slipped down Dan’s back and dipped into the waistband of his pants, his fingers brushing along the top of Dan’s arse.

Dan blushed, squirming under Phil’s light but hot touch. “Definitely more satisfying than dinner,” Dan admitted into the crook of Phil’s neck.

Phil’s hands shifted, and latched onto Dan’s hips. Dan’s breath was nearly knocked out of him when Phil swiftly pulled Dan on top of him. Their clothed crotches messily slid together and fuck, Dan had already gotten off this morning but he could easily go again.

Warm breath brushed across Dan’s lips, Phil’s mouth just centimeters from him. “So what time are you free until?” Phil whispered suggestively.

Dan’s eyes squeezed shut as he tried to remember exactly what him and Louise had agreed on when they made plans. He was pretty certain he needed to be there around six, and maybe he was supposed to bring the food with him? It was so hard to concentrate on anything with Phil’s hand sneaking down his pants. “About five,” Dan settled on, hoping it was enough time. “I need to make a few stops before I go over.”

“Mmm, okay,” Phil hummed. “Let’s stay in bed until four then?” he suggested hopefully.

“Perfect,” Dan agreed.

#slow burn #singer!dan #barista!phil #phan au #coffee shop au #iminclinedtowriting #phan #phanfic #phanfiction #love yourself #ly

[phanfictioncatalogue]

‘Having A Crush On Each Other’ (3) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: June 13th, 2022

part one, part two

A Dance With You (ao3) - afunnyworld

Summary: Dan is at prom when he spots his crush, Phil Lester. He tries to convince himself to ask Phil to dance with him.

An Angel Out of the Blue (ao3) - Otpcruiseliner

Summary: Dan had always been somewhat of a loner, and he was fine with that. But he had never really been super close with any one person. Now given an opportunity for class extra credit, he is partnered up with a strange, tall, angelic boy with the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. First piece on here, so please enjoy.

Blame It On The Alcohol (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan has secretly had a crush on Phil for quite some time and decides to kiss him at a party. But, Phil responds in a way that Dan wasn’t expecting.

Bottled Up Emotions (ao3) - DavineNaughter

Summary: Dan an Phil are the best of friends, that much is obvious. But there are some things Phil never even considers, but after a few bottles of beer and a drunken kiss, he starts to question whether it could be something more.

Claimed - trysomecats

Summary: Phil finally makes a move on the cute underclassman who has been crushing on him for awhile now.

Comet me, Bro (ao3) - counting2fifteen

Summary: Dan and Phil are chosen to be the first colonizers of Mars. They’re the perfect choice: they get along incredibly well, they graduated training at the top of their class, and they’re both incredibly ready to spend years, perhaps an entire lifetime, as far away from humanity as possible.

The problem? Dan has a crush on Phil. And Phil doesn’t know.

Falling For You (Literally) - cocktailaunt

Summary: Shy!Dan is new to school and has a huge crush on Popular!Phil.

Famous - helloanonymouswriter

Summary: Dan has the best of both worlds. He is the famous singer - Daniel James and he's ordinary Dan Howell. He finally decides to tell his best friend and crush - Phil.

Figure My Heart Out - definitelythor

Summary: Dans a student with a massive crush on the university’s librarian, and it’s Valentines day.

Fixing The Connection - jestbee

Summary: Dan has had a crush on the IT guy in his office for ages, not that he’ll ever admit to it

Too bad he can’t ever talk to him because he’s always embarrassing himself when he tries

Which is fine, until his computer breaks.

For A Good Time Call... - tobieallison

Summary: Dan works in a call center for a sex hotline and gets a call from a guy who is just lonely and wants to talk to someone because he’s new in town. they hit it off, much to Dan surprise. he’s even more surprised to find the same guy is his new neighbor Phil, who he might just have a bit of a crush on.

For The Love Of Scarlett Lester (ao3) - Merrydith

Summary: Phil has always believed that not all mistakes led to regrets. And every morning, for the past 10 months, he has stared that belief in the face. Scarlett Lester was born on January 1st and she is the most beautiful human being that has ever crawled the earth.

Single Dad, Phil Lester is completely obsessed with his baby girl and isn't able to recognize the crush his housekeeper Dan has on him. Will Dan be able to prove that he is good enough for not only Phil, but also his daughter?

Give Me Love (ao3) - sunflowerwitches (orphan_account)

Summary: Dan and Phil are friends. Phil has a girlfriend. Dan has a crush on Phil.

I could be your crush (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: a oneshot of 2009 Dan feeling nervous about his feelings about Phil and sure that his crush is unrequited.

Of Peonies and Pink Roses - phans-howelllester

Summary: In which plantboy!pastel!nerd!Phil has a crush on Dan.

Our Wildest Dreams Came True (Not One of Them Involving You) (ao3) - roryonice

Summary: Based on Misery Business by Paramore. Dan has a crush on Phil and always flirts with him at parties, and Phil hooks up with someone else to make Dan jealous.

Rebirth To Rebloom - paradisobound

Summary: Dan Howell met Phil Lester while they were still in high school when Phil was helping him out. But as time went on, they lost touch when Phil graduated, and they never speak. Dan thought of him often and hung onto his crush all these years until Phil shows up at the flower shop he works and asks for Dan’s help arranging flowers for his daughters birthday.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #crush #crush masterlist

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 17

it’s that time again you guys! and oof, is that foreshadowing I sense?? all will be revealed eventually! enjoy :D

Tags for chapter: angst, talk of therapy/mental illness, major fluff

Words for chapter: ~2.3

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

"You really talked for an hour? Wow," Jaime said. Dan watched as she immediately frowned. "Okay hang on, that sounded kind of sarcastic and I didn't mean it like that. I'm just surprised because you don't like to talk about your past, plus your first appointment didn't exactly go well. I'm really proud of you, Danny."

Dan groaned into his pillow at the nickname even though at this point, he'd let Jaime call him whatever she wanted. He just wanted to talk with her—it had been so lonely knowing she was in London.

"Congrats, you just ruined it." he mumbled.

When he pulled his face back up from his pillow Jaime was still smirking at him through the screen of his phone. It was late, but Jaime had just gotten back from a few days in London for the play and they were video calling to catch up with each other.

The live feed of Jaime's bedroom shifted and wobbled as she found a more comfortable position on the bed. When she settled her face was serious again.

"How do you feel about this though? Do you think that therapy is something that is right for you?"

Dan took a moment to think before answering.

"I want to see where it goes more than anything. I like Gina and I feel really comfortable with her which is good, but I think I just need to wait right now? Like, as much as I may want them, I know that there won't be instant results, and I know I'm probably going to keep struggling. After a little bit of work and time, if I haven't gotten anywhere then I might change my mind, but right now I'm ready to see this through."

"Wow Dan," Jaime said softy, a gentle smile on her face, "you've really grown up."

Dan could feel his rosey patch flare up, and he chuckled awkwardly. He didn't really know how to take that.

"I think we both know I have the maturity of a seven-year old, Jaime."

"No, Dan, not anymore." Jaime snorted and rolled her eyes, but her expression went right back to its softness of before. "You've really changed from that kid who turned up at my coffee shop looking like a drowned rat. You're you now."

Dan hummed to show he was listening, but at the same time he wasn't. He had absolutely no idea what the hell Jaime was getting at, especially whatever "you're you now" bloody meant. Who was he before? Was it a good change?

Why couldn't he see it too?

"How's the play coming?" Dan asked instead of the million other questions smashing around his skull. It was late and maybe deep talks weren't the best when they were both exhausted.

Jaime caught him up on all of the happenings of the play, and talked about the cute stagehand for a half an hour alone. She showed Dan a few promo posters that had her in them with joy all over her face.

Dan let the gentle, tired voice of his best friend slowly relax his body and mind as he listened. He felt the exhaustion of the day slowly creep over his limbs until he knew that it wouldn't be much longer until he either fell asleep on Jaime or they hung up.

"It feels like things are finally going good, you know?"

Dan smiled, his eyelids heavy and his head feeling a bit like mush but his heart spilling over with sleepy love and pride for this wonderful mess of a human being that was Jaime. God, did he miss her over these past few days.

"Yeah, I know."

~~~~~

"I'm so glad you could grace us with your presence." Dan called as Jaime tumbled through the door of the coffee shop the next morning looking tired but happy. She flipped him off but her smile didn't falter for a moment, so Dan knew perfectly well she wasn't that much of a grouch this morning.

"I'm glad to see that you're still a little shit."

"When you get famous I'm gonna find the nearest gossip site and tell them all about how you actually suck as a person." Dan retorted.

Jaime hummed as she tied her apron on and wrestled the coffee grounds out of Dan's hands.

"Give them here, I've left this place in your barbaric hands long enough."

"Love you too."

"A fanabla"

Dan wiped down the tables and filled the self-serve bar while Jaime started brewing the coffee. He helped her set the register, and they shared a vanilla latte while they browsed the music selection. By the time they were ready to open the windows were already fogged with condensation and Dan's nose was desensitized to the smell of fresh coffee.

Mary was in as usual, but this time when she saw Jaime she got terribly excited. Dan happily covered the first few people to wander through their small coffee shop while Jaime had most of her attention taken up by Mary who demanded to know everything that had happened in London. It was cute to see Jaime gushing about the past few days with an equally enthusiastic Mary. Plus he knew how much they had missed each other. 

"Daniel, how have you been? Have you told Jaime here to take that girl of her's out yet?" Mary asked, wrapping her much smaller hands around one of Dan's huge ones. Dan smiled.

"I told her last night on the phone to take her on a date the next time she was in London, but knowing Jaime it'll be three years until that happens." Mary cackled at Dan's remark and shot Jaime a look. "And I'm doing just fine. My day off was nice. I went back to therapy and then spent the rest of the day with Phil until he had to go to work."

"Speaking of Phil, how's he doing? I haven't seen him in a while. Well, I've seen him on the weather, haven't I?" Mary laughed.

"He's doing alright. His work at the weather station has picked up a bit, so hopefully he'll get a promotion soon. If he becomes a full-time employee then he can quit his job at Tesco."

"If they keep him as an intern any longer I'll certainly have to have a word with them."

Dan and Jaime both laughed, and after a moment of keeping her stern expression, Mary smiled gently.

"Well, I'm afraid I have to get going you two, I have a doctor's appointment to get to."

"I thought you went to the doctor's a few weeks ago?" Jaime said, frowning. Dan felt the corners of his mouth drop down now that Jaime mentioned the oddity. She was right—Mary had just been, was she okay?

"Oh, that's what happens when you get old, love, your whole body falls apart and all of your bills are medical ones." She patted Jaime's cheek and said goodbye to them one last time before turning on her heel and disappearing out the door.

By the time Mary left the morning rush started to trickle in, and Dan and Jaime took turns taking the orders. It was efficient and even kept the line short.

Dan was making a espresso for a stressed uni student when Jaime sided up next to him. She gently bumped her hip against his leg as a silent watch out I'm next to you as she reached for a new container of cream.

"That was weird."

"Hmm?"

"Mary. Was it just me? Or did you think the doctor's thing was suspicious too?" Jaime asked, following Dan as he brought the espresso back to the counter. Jaime started to mix the coffee for her customer as Dan ran up his customer.

"Do you think she's lying?" Dan asked as he gathered the necessary change. Jaime stopped for a count of five, her mouth in a tight line, eyebrows drawn together in thought. She mumbled something Italian under her breath before shaking her head and resuming what she was doing. 

"No, but it still seemed off to me."

Jaime handed her coffee off to her customer and collected the money as Dan took the order of the next person in line.

"Maybe I'm just overthinking it. Projecting and all," Jaime continued, vaguely waving her hand to animate "and all".

"I don't know, Jaime, it didn't seem like the whole story, but I guess she was right with visiting the doctor more. I know my gran was always over at her doctor's for her bad kidneys. Maybe it really is just an old person thing?"

Jaime's face was set in that puzzled look once again.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Hey, Mary's fine. You know just as well as I do that she would tell us if something major was up. We're pretty much her grandkids."

Jaime nodded, a watery smile pulling itself onto her face. "You're right, there's no reason to worry, and I'm sure she's fine. I'm just being weird because she's, you know, like my mum and my nonna all in one."

Dan squeezed her hand with his spare one as he tried to fill his next order. Jaime was just as disowned as Dan himself was, but she still longed for that special relationship a kid had with their parents. Because of that, she had latched on to Mary in more of a maternal sense than Dan had. Dan on the other hand just wanted to be loved, and between Jaime, Phil, and Mary, he was content.

The rest of the morning rush lasted mostly in silence which was fine for Dan. As time passed Jaime bloomed further and further back into herself, and by the end of the hour he could barely even tell that she had been upset in the first place.

Now that customers were just a trickle, they were able to relax more, which was what Dan had been looking towards all day. Catching up with Jaime in a video call was good, but damnit he had missed her and in person conversations were always better without the distance and pixels creating a barrier between them.

Dan wrapped his arms around Jaime and pulled her in close, resting his head on top of hers. He smiled stupidly when she immediately hugged him back just as hard.

"I really hate how far away London is."

"Aww, did you miss me?" Jaime asked, even though they had already gone through this last night. Dan didn't bother quipping back something witty.

"Yeah, I did."

One of Jaime's hands was slowly rubbing the small of his back, and Dan had forgotten how soothing the motion was.

"I missed you a lot too. It felt weird not being able to walk a few blocks to annoy you whenever I wanted. And I mean, it was only for a week, but that's crazy for us."

Dan laughed.

"It really is. That was the longest we've been apart since we met, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah, by like, five days for sure."

Their hug slowly and naturally dissolved, and when they were finally apart Dan was smiling just because everything felt right.

~~~~~

Dan let Jaime have the first lunch break, but like normal she didn't even bother to leave the counter. She perched herself on one of the stools and spread her lunch on the extra counter that was only used when there were massive lines.

They continued to chat, but when Jaime's phone ding!ed and she looked at it immediately, Dan's interest piqued. When a grin broke across her face after reading whatever notification she received his curiosity only grew.

"Is that that hot stagehand you told Mary and I all about?" Dan teased, resting his head on his hand. Jaime rolled her eyes, but Dan didn't miss the dusting of pink embarrassment that rose to her cheeks.

"No, it's Amazon telling me that your Christmas present is here."

"What is it? It's not that hideous jumper you sent me the link to is it? I mean Jaime even you said it was horrid."

"As much as that would be an amazing gag gift, it's not what I ended up choosing."

"Thank god."

Jaime tucked her phone back into her pocket.

"Speaking of Christmas, if you leave me to spend the whole thing with Phil I hope you know I'm going to kick you in the dick at best."

Dan involuntary cringed.

"Uh, yeah no I don't want any parts of that. But no, I was thinking that we could do something with the three of us? We can watch bad Christmas movies and make a gingerbread house and stuff if you want. I can even have it at my flat so you don't have to worry about having Phil at yours if you don't want."

"That would be really fun, I've been looking for more ways to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend."

"Jaime!"

"Fine, I'll control myself for the most part. But seriously, I'd like a Christmas with the three of us. I need to get to know my future brother-in-law better, and I already bought him a present so seeing him on Christmas would only be convenient."

Dan rolled his eyes, but judging from the large smile on Jaime's face her apathetic words weren't worth anything (like usual).

A trio wandered through the front doors, momentarily stealing away Dan's attention from Jaime. It was fine though—he was smiling all through making their coffees, thinking about how excited he was to spend Christmas with his two favorite people.

Jaime was right, Dan thought, things really are looking up.

#my fics #allyssaTM #phan #phanfiction #phanfic #au #i dare you to stay #idyts #i dare you to stay: chapter 17 #major fluff #minor angst #ace!dan #tw brief mentions of therapy/mental health #chaptered #dan howell #phil lester

[auroraphilealis]

Can you please recommend me some good slow burn fics and/or chaptered fics. Thanks in advance xx

Are you READY?

Cause I have so many recommendations

Under the cut cause I went crazy

Give Me A Try @danfanciesphil - Dan, a bartender at ‘Habenero’, Brighton’s hottest gay club, has been obsessed with AmazingPhil, the openly gay Instagram model for a long time. In all the fantasy meet-cute scenarios Dan has imagined for he and his semi-celeb crush, none of them involved him being at work, being soaked in various liquids, or being halfway through a Saturday night hell-shift. Sometimes, life doesn’t wait around for your plans.

Ships that Pass in the Night @agingphangirl - Dan and Phil are YouTubers. The catch? They’ve never met, and Phil doesn’t want them to.

The Meaning of Love @phandomsub - Phil Lester is an intern at the British Society of the Prevention of Cruelty to Neko – an organisation that focuses on rescuing abandoned or mistreated neko and rehabilitating them for re-adoption. He can’t say he fully agrees with the way many neko are treated, but in a world where they have no rights Phil has to agree that being someone’s pet is the best option for them. Then neko #504 is brought into the shelter and Phil finally realises just how alike humans and neko are. 

Here By My Side (A New Color to Paint the World)  - So one day, Phil walks in on Dan wearing a dress. And after a very confusing discussion, it comes out that Dan enjoys wearing girl’s clothing in private. Phil lets it be known that he’d be fine if Dan wore it around him and slowly, Dan starts opening up and letting Phil into his private world. But what Phil doesn’t expect is to start seeing Dan in a whole new way.

breathe and ill breathe (and im in love with you)  - A series of one-shots in which we explore various kinks. Said chapters will include biting, dirty talk, blindfolds, rimming, orgasm control/orgasm denial, spanking and scratching, orders and obeying, handcuffs and leg cuffs, breath play, and wax play.

Stirring in Love - @andthenshesaid-write When Phil applied to be a contestant on the Great British Bake Off he didn’t even expect to make the long-list, let alone make it into the actual tent. But make it he does and there he meets Dan, a baker unlike Phil in every possible way. After a rocky start, Phil realises that maybe he can learn some things from Dan after all, and the biggest things have nothing to do with baking.This fic was nominated for the Phanfic Awards 2016 Best of the Best!

A Map of My Heart and Mind - Dan and Phil get drunk and wake up married in Vegas, the day after Dan’s 25th birthday. Dan thinks they could just get it annulled but Dan knows what marriage means to Phil, how important it is, and he wonders if they can just fake it for a year so it’s not a total waste and then divorce. Of course, a year is a long time to pretend to be married and things can always change…

Emergency Substitute @parentaladvisorybullshitcontent - “You could always charm Phil for us,” Jack suggests. “Throw him off his game.”“Right, yeah,” Dan says sarcastically. “Midway through the match I’ll just Summon his broom to me and he’ll fall off and then Gryffindor’ll automatically win.”“I didn’t mean that kind of charm,” Jack says, under his breath.In which Dan is roped into playing Quidditch when all he really wants is a quiet life. And for Phil to never leave Hogwarts.

Road to Acceptance Series @anerdwithakoreanhaircut - Dan never thought alcohol could bring anything but misery into his life, and…well, he was kind of right; the headache was painful and the memories of how he spent his 18th birthday were gone. He manages to break into someone else’s home. But it’s because of the alcohol he meets Phil, who impacts his life in more ways than one.

If You Think you Know Me @ineverhadmyinternetphase - Fiction. Phil’s a police Sergeant. He’s been itching to get promoted to Inspector for ages, but to do so, he needs to crack his biggest case - famed internet hacker the Howler. Phil’s been after him for years, but he’d never managed to get even a hint towards his identity. When he meets a hot stranger in a bar one night, Phil thinks his luck might just be turning up. But maybe getting close to this particular stranger isn’t the best idea.

Everything You Never Wanted - Phil is an omega, he’s spent nearly his entire life going to Eastbrook, an omega only school. When his parents make the decision to transfer him into an alpha,beta,omega school his whole life is turned upside down. Especially when he meets Dan Howell, an alpha who can’t seem to stand him. No matter how hard the two try to avoid each other the universe seems to keep pulling them together.

Our Threadbare Lies @ramonaspeaks - Dan is eighteen years old and newly single. He’s ready to come out to his family but he thinks it would be a hell of a lot easier if he had a boyfriend to help him through it.

Taking Every Chance I’ve Got - All Dan wanted was to get drunk, really. Have a good time, meet a few new people. He didn’t really think about getting involved with someone as dangerous as Phil Lester (someone as cold, as pale and, well, as not alive), and he definitely didn’t think that one trip out to a bar would change his life forever.

Behind Closed Doors - Based very loosely on ‘A Little Princess’ and ‘David Copperfield’14 year old Dan Howell is sent away to boarding school leaving behind his abusive stepfather and incredibly ill mother. 17 year old Phil Lester is the school’s jack-of-all-trades who works his hardest under harsh circumstances to avoid the workhouse. The two boys meet and become close friends knowing they have to stick together if they are to survive the trials that lay ahead of them.

read between the lines (i will if you will) @phanbliss - Phil ^_^ (5:31 PM)Dan?danisNOTonfire xD i swear im really not. come check. (5:31 PM)yeah?Phil ^_^ (5:32 PM)I think I'm in love with youI justI can't wait to meet you--Skype conversations between Dan and Phil, leading up to their first meeting. 2009!Phan. Prepare for fluff.

First Impressions (Perhaps I Was Wrong) @phanbliss - Phil Lester goes back to university for his third year, expecting to live in the dorms with his childhood best friend PJ. That's how it's been for the past years, after all. However, due to a mistake of some sort, he finds himself with a new roommate to spend the semester with.Daniel Howell, three years his junior, has rich brown eyes, a laptop to hide them behind, and not more than two words to spare in Phil's direction. Phil is no fortune teller, but he foresees the upcoming months will be filled with a whole lot of awkward silence.Unless, of course, Dan proves him wrong...Could one little mistake lead to something entirely life-changing? Perhaps it could. After all, nearly everything changes when Phil meets Dan.-Excerpt: Dan's hair is soft against Phil's cheek, and his presence - gentle against his heart.Winner of Best Slow Burn in the Phanfic Awards 2016!

Reflections of the Heart - “Being told to dress up in a dinosaur onesie and have cereal catapulted at your face is a little odd. Waking up to find that you and your best friend have switched bodies? That’s fucking bizarre.”(Or, the multi-chaptered, slightly smutty bodyswap fic that no one asked for. Featuring whiny/annoying!Dan, sassy/beguiling!Phil, unintentional innuendos, intentional innuendos, unnecessary kitchen supplies, and just a pinch of magic).

Love Yourself @imnotinclinedtomaturity - A lot of things about Dan's life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he's got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He's currently lacking inspiration, he's rather lonely, and he's stuck in a rut.Dan's been going to the same coffee shop for years. It's quiet, it's quaint, it's near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that's he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista.

In My Way @ineverhadmyinternetphase - Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor Daniel Howell.

Let Me Down Gently @ineverhadmyinternetphase - AU in which Dan is (briefly) a lawyer, until he gets fired and kicked out by his girlfriend. Wandering alone at night looking for a place to stay, he happens across a slightly strange man who introduces himself as Phil and who owns a B&B. Without much choice, Dan takes up the offer to stay there, and quickly grows to have a certain fondness for Phil. There’s only one problem: Phil runs the B&B with his long-term partner Alex.

jump a lil higher @snsknene - Dan co-hosts The Breakfast Show. Phil's his new producer. They fall in love, assisted by a bunch of romcom tropes I refuse to apologise for.

danandphilKINKS @snsknene - "I've got mine!" Dan said, waving it triumphantly. Phil knew this was serious, then, because a) he hadn't procrastinated on it at all, and b) it was barely legible: he'd handwritten it.Or: Dan and Phil have a bucket list. Except with less seeing the Great Wall of China and more Googling how to wash enema.

Strangers @waveydnp - dan is new to london and living in a mostly empty flat, desperate to forget the mistakes of his past. he's all alone -- until one day he gets a piece of mail addressed to someone in the neighbouring flat, one mr. philip lester. he can't exactly not return it, can he?

a match and a fuse @waveydnp - Phil is twenty six years old and stuck in a dead end life. He works at Starbucks and may or may not be carrying a torch for his best friend of eight years. He doesn't know who he is or what he wants--or how to go about figuring it out.That all starts to change when he happens upon the resume of a certain law school grad named Daniel.

#im-not-your-baby-but-thanks #fic recs #fic rec #phanfic recs

[icequeenjules26]

The wonders of Riverdale

Summary: Phil travels to San Diego only with Comic Con tickets and returns with so much more.

Word count: 1,1K

Tags: Fandom AU, Fluff

A/n: Written for the @phandomficfests Bingo, crossing off the prompts Fandom AU and fan encounter. As always, biggest ever thank you to @succubusphan. Sorry I took so long!

Read on AO3

Phil meets Dan during San Diego Comic Con.

 By getting there ridiculously early he secures himself a spot fairly up front at the Riverdale Panel. When he looks around after a few minutes of reading messages on his phone, the hall is completely packed already, and for a second, time stands still.

 Then, his eyes spot the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen in the seat right next to him and his mouth goes dry in an instant. There’s warm, chocolate eyes, unruly locks perched upon his head like he’s just gotten out of bed and he’s smiling so wide there’s a dimple popping in his cheek.

 A dimple.

 Phil is in his personal gay heaven and he’s not sure how he is supposed to move on from it.

 For a few moments he does nothing but stare. Like a creep. But, honestly, who could blame him? How is he supposed to look away from a face like that? Phil has seen a lot of men (and women) in his life, and still he has never met anyone as handsome as that.

 Goddamnit.

 Then, the handsome face moves to look at him and he sucks in a breath. The dimple on the boy’s face is still on spot and the smile responsible for it is now directed at him. Oh god.

 Brown eyes wander up and down his form and he feels himself blushing as the other boy extends a hand to him, a smirk in place so mischievous his eyes sparkle. He feels like fainting then and there.

 “Hi. Dan Howell, very nice to meet you.” He lays extra emphasis on the very and Phil feels like he’s about to pass out when he hears the boy’s british accent, about as posh as the Queen herself.

 He hasn’t known that that could be hot, but now he does.

 He has to clear his throat approximately 206 times before he feels able to rasp out words. “Phil Lester, it’s nice to meet you too,” he says and has to cringe. Whenever he’s nervous his northern accent takes over and so does it this time.

 “You’re from the north?” Dan asks, his smirk still in place. The Drama Queen in Phil wants to dramatically faint right into his arms and Phil has problems keeping her contained. “What gave me away, the accent that sounds so northern it might turn into an ice block at any second?”

 Dan laughs at that and Phil mentally gives himself a proud pat on the shoulder. He'll write that in his resume if he ever needs a new job, he decides, Managed to make the most handsome man in history laugh.

 They start talking and Phil wants to dash out of the hall to fly.

 It's easy, talking to Dan like this, Phil realizes as they share their most ridiculous Riverdale predictions. Whenever Dan laughs, Phil has to stop himself from leaning into him, which he is only half responsible for, in his opinion. This guy is gorgeous and Phil can't be trusted around gorgeous men. Everyone knows that.

 When Phil realizes that Dan is a popular fanfic writer in the fandom he's been a fan of for years he is even more mesmerised. Dan makes a joke about the irony of a fan encounter during another fan encounter and Phil smiles so bright he's sure his eyes sparkle.

 I'mnotaweirdo hasn't been around long in the fandom but made a terrifyingly fast ascent. Aside from his ridiculously good fanfiction, Phil has always appreciated the way he talks to his fans and in his notes. He seems approachable in a way most other famous fanfiction authors don't and there's a hint of wit and fun there that always makes Phil's heart beat a bit faster.

 Okay, so maybe he has a crush on the guy. A teeny, tiny one. It's nothing but a completely harmless tumblr-crush and it doesn't mean anything.

 Only now he's sitting right next to Phil and looks so blindingly gorgeous Phil is sure he's looking at the freaking sun.

 Oh god, how did he get himself into this situation? Knowing Phil, he'll make a fool of himself in approximately 5 seconds and the humiliation will be even worse because Dan doesn't only look like a god, he also talks like Phil's personal dream guy.

 Sigh.

 When the panel starts Phil still isn't over the fact that he is seriously sitting right next to I'mnotaweirdo, who isn't only funny and witty online but also in real life. Surprisingly, Phil still hasn't humiliated himself and he's positively surprised. Dan, on the other hand, makes flirty remarks every other sentence now and Phil thinks he might just die.

 They continue bickering even while the Panel is rolling. Phil makes funny remarks that makes Dan's dimples pop and Dan points out things in an undertone so sarcastic Phil has to stifle his laughter or the whole hall will notice.

 When Cole Sprouse says something funny Phil tells Dan they seem to have a similar humor and that he should embrace his inner Cole Sprouse more often, Dan blushes. Phil is trying to keep himself from hyperventilating when Dan shoots back.

 “Okay, but do I get to embrace Cole Sprouse?” he says and Phil feels a ridiculous wave of jealousy. This is just banter and you have no right to be jealous he tells himself but it's not working.

 “No,” he answers with a bit too much force and Dan sighs next to him. “Then what's even the point?”

 Phil has to laugh and his gay heart does a flip. Gorgeous and funny and interested in men? Phil’s inner possible dating pool has just narrowed himself down to one person and he isn't sure how he is still conscious.

 The longer the Panel runs the closer they move to each other. At the end of it Dan's entire body is basically pressed to Phil's, so close they could just as well sit in each other's lap.

 They don't part ways after that. They stay together for the entirety of the day and even afterwards. Dan invites Phil into his hotel room and kisses him and Phil thinks he is ascending to heaven right then and there.

 They spend the rest of their time in San Diego together and on their flight home to England - Dan changes his own to match Phil's - they realize they not only both live in London but also close enough to each other they wouldn't even need to take the underground.

 When Phil decided to fly over half of the world to see his favorite TV-stars in real life he didn't think he'd get anything out of it aside from a ridiculously amazing experience.

 Yet, somehow, he has gained a boyfriend.

Life has weird ways, he thinks and cuddles back to Dan.

#phan #phanfiction #phan fluff #my writing #phanfic au