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bookishbrewer · 16 days

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⚠️ CW: Suicide, Toxic relationships, depression, mention of self-harm

Why I believe that House's story ends with tragedy post season 8 - an opinion piece:

Hello everyone, this is a remake of a post I did a couple years ago on an older blog. If you find it familiar, I'm sorry if this one is a bit messier than the original. It's been longer since my last rewatch.

So, let's recap the finale of House MD: Treating a drug addict patient results in House examining his life, his future and confronting his own personal demons.

As we know, House ends up faking his death in this episode, after going on a 2 day drug fuelled bender with his drug addicted patient. The patient ends up overdosing & dying, and House remains to confront his 8 seasons worth of demons. At the end he escapes the firery scene & fakes his death by switching his medical records. After all of that, he runs away with Wilson to spend his remaining 5 months to live.

Before House replies to what Wilson is saying, he thinks for a moment. I want try & piece together what was going through his head at that moment evaluating his life:

1. Every romantic relationship with House ends in heartbreak

Stacy

Season 2, Episode 11

Cameron

Season 3, Episode 8

Lydia

Season 5, Episode 23-24

Cuddy

Season 5, Episode 6 // Season 7, Episode 23

Dominika

Season 8, Episode 13 // Season 8, Episode 18

Every single one of these relationship was ended because House either deliberately behaved in a way that would push the love interest away or by breaking their trust. House was never actively malicious towards his partners, but he was not a very good partner. He was self centered, self loathing, very much focused on himself (even when trying to be as supportive & caring as possible) but at the end of every relationship, the women understood that they could not remain in a Healthy relationship with House. Either because he refused to tackle his addiction, his psychological distress & trauma or be honest with them and respect them as equal to him in their relationship.

2. House's relationship with his family

House was severely abused by his father, a military man, both physically & emotionally. His mother did not protect him from said abuse (probably because of feeling deeply guilty about her affair that gave birth to Gregory), which lead to him growing in an abusive houshold that was built on lies, dysfunction & distance (which partially explains his behavior in the show, especially his approach to human nature: "Everybody Lies"). House was never really close with his parents, so it would make sense that he would not rely on them for support in any way, not even in a life or death situation such as him feeling at his lowest in every aspect of his life. In addition to that, he may even doubt how much his loss would effect his parents if something were to happen to him.

3. House's suicidal ideation

House is shown numerous times in the show to not reject the option of ending his life. He actively tries to commit suicide twice during the show (Merry Little Christmas, season 3 episode 11 // Simple Explanation, season 5 episode 20), ponders it in the season finale (Everybody Dies, season 8 episode 22) but decides against it, choosing to fake his death instead.

In addition to that, he also indulges in self-harm in the form of cutting himself (also "Merry Little Christmas" & "Nobody's Fault"), intentionally hurting his limbs (leg - "Under My Skin", hand - "After Hours").

Like Wilson said, House cannot go back from that decision (similarly to how you can never come back from suicide). He can never have access his addictions: puzzles (medicine) & escapism (Vicodin & other drugs). We know how House gets without his meds, he becomes... A shadow of himself. Sometimes it's a violent dark figure, sometimes it's an apathetic & silent husk, sometimes it's a dark creature screaming in agony, sometimes it's just House, but something is off. Without constant puzzles, dissecting human nature & feeding his ego & emotional needs, he's lost.

Unlike other characters, like Dexter Morgan from the Showtime series "Dexter" House never treats suicide like it is somehow "beneath him":

Dexter speaks to Sg. Doakes, Season 2 Episode 11

Compare & contrast that to House's reaction to Taub pleading with House to try & understand Wilson's decision to discontinue his cancer treatment & to die with dignity:

Season 8, Episode 21

Just the thought of Wilson passing away before his time triggers House's suicidal thoughts. He disregards the patients & visitors in the background, the colleagues that may hear, Taub himself, everyone. This, in my opinion was the start of the "nothing else matters anymore" mindset. House was already at the end of his rope, and losing the person he loves more than anything else in the world was just... Too much.

4. House doesn't see a future without Wilson

In season 6, Episode 10, House refuses to be present during Wilson's surgery at first:

Wilson: I want you to be there

House, after thinking: No.

Wilson: Why?

House: Because if you die, I'm alone.

House cannot fathom the possibility of witnessing Wilson die. He cannot even consider for a moment to stand before Wilson's lifeless body & realizing that this is it, he is completely & utterly alone in this world.

We see multiple times that House not only cares deeply about Wilson, he is also dependant on him, to the point of the relationship often becoming toxic for both of them (hurting other relationships, sabotaging new ones, need for validation of both the relationship itself & both of them of each other individually, indulging unhealthy behaviors towards others etc).

But we all remember how that situation concluded:

House watching over Wilson as a big bright light washes over him as he loses consciousness. To me, this seems like foreshadowing for what's to come after the season finale, after those last 5 months.

Another thing that caught my eye was him stating "I can live without Kyle" (season 8, episode 20) when referring to a guy that stole Wilson's prom date when he was in highschool. He wanted to immitate said 'Kyle' for the entire episode, trying his best to act uncaring, aloof, "alpha". Essentially, to act out of character. But numerous times in said episode, Wilson still displayed the very same characteristics that both House and the audience love so much about him. So House affirms that he cannot live in a world without Wilson, just the way he is.

5. House is willing to preform a "mercy kill" for his close friends

In the episode "The Dig" (Season 7, Episode 18), House assures Thirteen, who's diagnosed with Huntington's, that he is willing to euthanize her when her Huntington symptoms worsen (this happens after Thirteen confides in House, telling him about how she killed her own brother after his Huntington symptoms worsened. House's reaction left Thirteen shocked, hurt & disappointed, as it seemed like he did not care at all. But we know he did, very deeply).

House gets a positive reaction from Thirteen, which is later also approved to the audience & the people in House's funeral when she states in her eulogy: "He was willing to kill me". Wilson, as we know, is also in the audience. He then knows that House is willing to preform a "mercy kill" on a loved one. He also mentions it in the finale:

Wilson: When the cancer starts getting really bad-

House, putting a halmet on: Cancer's boring.

I want us to return to the "I'm dead, Wilson" scene:

House is at a point in which he feels like he has nothing left to lose. He has no close friends that give him meaning besides Wilson, no family to rely on, no romantic relationship seems to last, he feels powerless when it comes to his addiction to drugs, he is facing jail time after accidently breaking an MRI machine with Foreman's ticket gift which he flushed down the hospital's toilet (which may as well cause him to be fired & lose his job and/or license to practice medicine, in addition to the fact he faked his own death).

We already know that House is prone to depression, self harm & suicidal ideation (including attempts), we've covered that he is willing to end a loved ones life if there is no medical solution to their health related state, we know that Wilson is not (to our knowledge up to the last episode) willing to go through any other treatment & we know that House cannot live without Wilson.

Adding all of this up & remembering the foreshadowing of Wilson's health related issue & House's course of action (watching over him as a bright light covers the screen as he loses consciousness) I believe that after those 5 months, when the cancer gets really bad, House will take Wilson's life... And then, his own.

This is essentially the end of the post, but I would like to add a few things:

Disclaimer: this post is not meant in any way to promote, encourage or agree with anything that supports one taking their own life, self harming or any other kind of self inflicted damage. This is just a theory based on how I've precieved House's character.

I am considering writing a short fic based on this post, and would like to know if anyone is interested in reading it.

Thank you very much for reading, have a good day 🙏🏼

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balteredsworld · 1 day

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my mistake. gregory house

🩺🥼 | you should've known better, but you don't. you were pathetically in love with house.

warnings! age gap, office (?) romance, angst, idiots in love, fellow!reader, doc!reader, stageplay style format, lyrics sprinkled

you bite back tears.

house. (mockingly) are you gonna cry?

you. no, something counterfeit's dead. nothing to cry about.

he's staring at you with half squinted eyes, scoffing without reprieve, somehow colder than ice.

house. right... the fact that you have to say that proves there's something to cry about. so, what is it? what did you think it was?

you look away, blinking like you were guilty. a patronizing look's settled on house's face now. gears turning in eyes when he realizes you were stupid enough to get lovestruck in between casual banter and sex, and nights spent in the nook of this godforsaken office talking; tittering about more and less.

he drawls out in theatrical mortification.

house. oh god. i must really be that good. never realized i could dick you down into being lovestruck. oops!

his voice echoes in your head.

idiot, it's just sex.

house doesn't need to spell it out for you. you gave into an illusion that isn't, that wouldn't, and that couldn't. it was a girlish fantasy to think you could have it with him. yet, you clung onto some sliver of hope that he could transter his aptitude to his feelings and articulate those gentlemanly gestures into spoken words, and not fleeting silent declarations that were destined for the abyss. you suppose that the two of you will follow that fate. must be the law of entropy, or some other law of physics that house had mentioned in passing in your briefings.

you nod numbly, tongue retaliating without second thought. you could match him if he wanted. house isn't the be-all and end-all he pretends to be.

you. yeah, you fucked me so good i almost said three words.

house throws his head back, dissatisfied.

house. that's not an answer.

your brow shoots up, accusingly.

you. oh! you want an answer! i thought you'd already come up with that on your own minutes ago.

you know he wants a definite answer, unsatisfied being kept in the unknown. only, you know he only wants you to say what he already knows.

you. what do you want me to say house? i don't know what you want me to say.

he barks.

house. you caught feelings! i don't know what you want me to do with that!

you. acknowledge them, house! like a normal fucking human being!

house sighs, licking his lips in careful consideration.

house. i'm too old for you. baseline feelings are just baseline. what you want is all the domestic crap that you know i can't give you. you're a doctor. i'd be a mistake.

you. then be my mistake! if you're so convinced you'll break my heart, break my heart.

he blinks. your words hang heavy, waiting for something to come out of his lips. anything to put you out of your misery, but he doesn't.

you. (barely in a whisper) i'm offering my heart to you.

house. you...

you. be my mistake, house.

you eye him desperately, slowly faltering.

you. please.

but again, he doesn't say anything, merely standing with gaping eyes. you stay a moment longer, before you resign yourself pathetically.

house. you'll make me worse.

your brows crinkle.

you. what?

house. (slowly) you'll make me worse. you'll make me care, caring's for idiots. it's ordinary.

you blink, looking at him incredulously.

house. i can't be worse, l/n. i'm already bad. if i start caring, i'll be making myself a worse doctor. i can't be worse. i need to diagnose.

you. you're scared to jump ship because you'll do a bad job?

your words and tone are like his. you echo him down to the furrow of your brow. house sees that alarmingly.

you. you think that caring makes you ordinary? house, there's nothing ordinary about you! you're this god-like hotshot doctor who's always right, even if you're a jerk, you're right.

his eyes soften.

house. (musing) all the more reason to listen to me.

you. take a chance, house. otherwise tell me you don't care. say that i'm pathetic and we can forget about this.

house doesn't say anything, eyes steeling in contemplation. you wait, but he doesn't move. they were right. house isn't willing to sacrifice and compromise his objectivity for you. you'd read him wrong.

you swallow.

you. i understand.

you turn to leave, swallowing your nerve for the sake of your dignity. you'd thought that all those looks meant something, that sex wasn't just sex. but you're an idiot. you could say that for him.

it doesn't take a medical license to know that. even one of the fools in the er would know.

house leans on his table. the lamp casts a handsome shadow on his face, making his grey stubble glitter slightly. there's a totally grave look on his face. it's easier to be mean, but he holds his tongue for you.

house. i can't give you what you want.

you spare him a look, already by the door.

you. i don't want anything. just you.

somehow, you find the strength to chuckle, albeit weakly. it does nothing to lift the discomfort between the two of you.

you. but hey, it's just sex, right?

you try to appreciate his effort. he's never just mean, it's a shiny veneer he designed to shoo people away. underneath that, he's the most considerate man you've ever met.

but you can't. it would be easier if he was just plain mean, because at least you didn't have to know that he was lying to himself.

house. i... i'm sorry.

you. (solemnly) don't be. see you tomorrow.

instead of a silly apology, you rather him just call you pathetic. but you can't always get what you want, just like how house can't let himself say the words he's been saying to you with those infuriating eyes of his. but the two of you were destined to the same abyss those silent declarations vanished to.

it was never nothing, but the pain in his leg would never let him say that. he's convinced himself that he'll drag you to misery, so he watches you leave to see you in the morning like you'd been nothing more than his fellow.

you end up as his mistake either way.

#house md #gregory house #gregory house fic #house md fic #greg house #greg house x reader #gregory house x reader #angst #netflix #hugh laurie #house md x reader

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